#ty for the ask i've been thinking about this a lot since i received it esp as i rewatch s6

[realbeefman]

Your tags remind me of my most personal issue about House and how contradictory it is, namely that half of the time it really understands both chronic pain along with addiction while other times it has zero clue. I became disabled with chronic pain in the middle of season six (I distinctly remember trailers for that season lmao), and on the one hand you get the regret and the anger of disaster dominoes that led to the illness in the first place and the running away from pain even emotional, but on the other you have everyone psychoanalysing that the pain didn’t change who House was when it couldn’t not, slapstick falls and this cop mentality with addiction. Anyway! That was a ramble you didn’t need! Sorry!

sticking my response under a readmore because i've responded to your ramble with a longer ramble of my own

i've been trying for ages to find a much more eloquent post someone else made about how house's cop mentality ties into his character but i can't find it. it's simply lost forever to time.

my (much less coherent) take of house's cop mentality is that his attitudes towards addiction and the way he chooses to manage his own pain can be explained in-universe as an internalization of ableist rhetoric, capitalist "i'm worthless if i can't work" mentality (5x04 birthmarks "[house's dad] saw his work as some sort of... sacred calling), and as an act of self-harm (eg. purposefully using the wrong hand for his cane, even though it's established in canon that he does experience more pain when using his cane this way and still actively chooses to do so) which is an interpretation of house that i think makes the show a lot easier to engage with in fandom/ from a character analysis pov.

but i do have to agree because the overall message the show sends on chronic pain is contradictory at best and actively ableist at worst. i really really hate that the show frames house going into withdrawl as proof that he's using vicodin to get high as if. withdrawl is not just. What Happens when you stop taking the medication you've been taking every day for years cold turkey. the s6 pain management with ibuprofen arc is my most behated arc in any medical drama possibly ever.

i think the characters psychoanalyzing away house's pain as psychosomatic is particularly insidious because ultimately i think the message the average person is going to take from it is that house's pain isn't reasonable BECAUSE it's partially psychosomatic. as if pain's origin matters? as if house isn't entitled to proper medical treatment just because his pain has a psychological component?

i know deep in my soul that at the end of the day House MD is a medical drama that is ultimately going to reflect attitudes prominent within the medical community and discuss social issues that the culture is actively discussing at the time, which is why house is constantly psychoanalyzed and the question of whether he is a "real addict" comes up over and over again. but i think the conclusions that the show comes to from there are overall very poorly thought out. surely a show that had this large of a budget could've and should've done better!

[gummygowon]

wanna be yours | choi san

word count: 8k (longest one yet lads)

genre: non-idol au, experienced!san x best friend/virgin!reader, fluff, smidges of angst, and smut

warnings: pwp, protected sex, slight hair-pulling?, cunnilingus f receiving, the concept of virginity, drinking and i think that's it? but please lmk if i missed anything!

a/n: this is my first like smut-smut so please so beware lol but other than that i'm really proud of how this turned out! also this is dedicated and a belated xmas present to @agustdiv1ne bc she has helped me sm with this oneshot omfg (ty again bae <;3)

the friday night after finals could only mean one thing. getting absolutely shitfaced at mingi's before going back home from university. because how else are you supposed to de-stress in college?

although you weren't at that level of drunk yet at the small house party your friend hosted, you still agreed to play truth or dare like immature high schoolers.

following a giggling hyejoo to the living room, you hear seonghwa asking something about being too old to be playing such a childish game followed by wooyoung pointing out that he still came over to play so who cares. sitting in between hyejoo and san, you naturally gravitate towards your best friend linking your arm with his for warmth.

"hi sannie." you beam brightly at him, you cheeks flushed red from the alcohol.

"hi y/n." he smiles down at you again, his dimple poking out. san didn't drink that much tonight since he was a lightweight and didn't want to feel whatever terrifying concoction mingi and jongho made up in the kitchen in preparation for the people who didn't want to answer their truth or do their dares.

after settling down in a rough circle, wooyoung starts the game by asking yeosang if he ever got caught masturbating which lead him to go take a shot of the mystery juice. the shot caused him to gag horribly after he downed it leading to jongho and mingi high-fiving each other in accomplishment.

next, yeosang got karina to admit some dirty secret of her hooking with her ta in calc causing giselle to shout out about her doubts of karina's grade being so high in calc for someone who doesn't go to class. as the game went on, hyejoo and yunho ended up topless and honjoong and san fell victim to the mystery juice and was even tipsier than when the game started. you on the other hand were dared to go lick either wooyoung's toe or shoe and you opted for the shoe of course because you did not where his feet have been and you had to confess to ever surviving a no nut november (last year you almost folded but still got through). this turn however, things got a little more interesting.

wooyoung had dared you to go make out with san in a closet and although no one knew about your little secret crush on san besides hyejoo, wooyoung had a knack for knowing who everyone was into. it was scary honestly, he predicted a lot of relationships and figured out who was who's sneaky link.

"so, what's it gonna be y/n? shot or closet?" wooyoung presses with a smirk on his face. he knew. oh, that fucker.

your eyes drift to san to make sure he was comfortable with the idea which lead to him shrugging his shoulders, "i'm down if you're okay with it."

with a tug, you pull san up from his seat and look wooyoung dead in the eye, "closet."

"alright then," he claps his hands as he gets up to usher you to the storage closet in the living room, "come out whenever you're ready, we're gonna keep playing while we wait, alright lovebirds?"

you roll your eyes and shoo wooyoung away from the door, "fuck off."

with the shut of the door, you realize how close you were to san. whatever nerves you had from the wave of courage you had five minutes ago disappeared more and more as san looked down at you.

"we don't have to do it, if you don’t want to." he reassures as he reaches for your arms in order to comfort you.

"i w-wanna do it." you stutter making your heart beat out of your chest even more. "i'm just-i've never done it before."

san looks at you perplexed, he knew about all the terrible dates and weird exes you had so he assumed that you at least made out with them. "i thought-"

"i didn't, i haven't even lost my virginity yet and now i'm really scared because i'm kissing my best friend who probably thinks they're a prude and what if i'm really bad and i mess things up and you hate it for it and-"

to shut you up, san presses his lips against yours as you melt into the kiss and allow him to take over. with a smooth swipe of his tongue, you part your lips slightly just enough for him to slip in earning a sweet moan from you. his hand sneaks his way to the back of your head to pull you even closer to him and further deepen the kiss.

when you pull back, your lipstick was all over his face and your lips were puffy and swollen. your eyes were locked on san as he put his forehead on yours, his eyes closed as he chest heaved up and down to catch his breath.

"you're not so bad." he comments, still not looking up at you. "fast learner if anything."

"san!" you whine, slapping san on the shoulder causing him to open his eyes.

he backs up, trying to get away from you as much as he can in the cramped closet, "hey, i'm giving you a compliment."

"that's a shitty compliment." you fire back with a pout on your lips as your eyes focus on the floor.

swiftly, san reaches your chin with his thumb forcing you to look up at him. without even hesitating, san leans in kissing the pout off of your lips. with a sudden spark of rebellion, you pull at the belt loops on his pants and pull him close to you catching san by surprise.

this time san is the first one to pull away to catch his breath. "see, you're a fast learner." he breathlessly teases.

"i'm leaving." you half-joke as you reach for the door knob.

san immediately reaches for your arm, pulling you back into him, "nope, you're helping me clean this up." he states as he points to the lipstick smeared all over his face before feeling the wall around him for the lights.

"aren't you old enough to do this yourself?" you whine as you lick your thumb and try to rub off the pink lip gloss off his plump lips.

"yeah, but i want you to do it." san answers as he places his hands on your waist. absentmindedly, he begins to rub small circles onto your hips as you quietly undo the damage you did to his lips.

san probably didn't notice the effect he had on you but holy fucking shit your face felt ten times warmer than it was when you were kissing him. it could be the alcohol settling in possibly but who knows. maybe san just had that effect on you.

"you know san, you're really fucking hot." you confess without thinking as you wipe the lip gloss off your fingers. "i would date you, if i could."

it took a minute for san to process what the fuck you just said. there was a high chance he misheard you but if he did hear you correctly well, he's gonna keep you in here for another minute or so.

before san could even respond or even act out, you realize what you just said and immediately start freaking out.

"i did not mean that. i-" you stutter, waving your hands in the air.

a harsh knock came to the door followed by wooyoung poking his head out, "are the lovebirds done? joong and hyejoo wanna play a different game."

oh how you could kiss wooyoung for his amazing timing. "we're done." you quickly say as you smooth out your outfit before joining wooyoung in the living room leaving a confused san.

"y/n! how was it?" hyejoo slurs as she throws herself on you.

if whatever happened in the closet was the only thing san could remember from tonight, you were fucking doomed. for now though, that was an issue for tomorrow. tonight, you were going to indulge in a few more drinks in order to forget what happened moments ago.

the next morning after mingi's was a rough one. your hangover was probably the worst one of the semester and boy was that telling. your memory from last night was a little foggy, some parts you recall very clearly some not. but the one thing you do fucking remember was wooyoung's sneaky ass setting you up with san during truth or dare. kissing san, you remembered very clearly maybe a little too clearly but whatever happened in between and after that was a blur. you briefly remembered wooyoung opening the door but that was about it.

rolling out of bed, you check your phone to see that san had called. annoyed, you call back hoping whatever it was a good enough reason for you to call in the morning.

"yah, choi san what do you want? it's so early?" you complain, rubbing your eyes awake.

"y/n, it's literally two pm." san deadpans.

"so?" you sass back, "it's still too early for me."

you hear san sigh on the other end, "ok anyways, did you finish the plan for the comp sci workshop? seonghwa is asking for it, he said you were supposed to send it earlier this morning."

a part of you freezes in shock while the other part of you scans your room for your laptop that was covered in papers and notes from studying. "you're fucking joking right."

"nope."

"oh my fucking god, i totally forgot about it while i was studying for exams shit. oh my fucking god. fuck." you curse as you hurriedly get out of bed.

"don't worry, i covered for your ass and told seonghwa that you were working on it which is why you weren't answering your phone. i'm also on the way to help you finish the plan because hwa has some suggestions for it too"

"oh bless your heart, choi san." you praise as you begin your morning routine.

it was around six o'clock by the time you submitted the doc and slideshow to seonghwa and holy fuck were you tired. there was no way you could have pulled this off without the help of san. truly thankful for your best friend, you offered to buy dinner on you and he had the opportunity to chose.

"on you, for real?" he asks in surprise as you begin to clean up the dinner table that was used as a makeshift desk for the past couple of hours. "i thought you were broke."

it took every fiber in you to not throw the hefty textbook in your hand at him. "do you want food or not."

"yes, please!" he immediately back tracks. "fried chicken is fine."

aggressively, you hand him your phone before heading back to your room to put everything away. "order what you want but don't pay i wanna get stuff for myself too."

"thank youuu." san sings as he begins to scroll through doordash.

while in your room, you took the chance to try and process your feelings. it was a no brainer you loved san. he was always there for you ever since you guys met each other in high school. san's been there for your worst and best days of your life and it was always a given that you were there for days like those for him.

however, your use of "love" began to slowly change this year. you've been single for awhile after your last breakup which was a lot of emotional damage to handle but san was always there to comfort you. him on the other hand looked for causal hookups, nothing serious. san was young, he confessed to not wanting to start any relationships because he just wanted to mess around for awhile until he graduated from college.

which left you wondering why you felt jealous whenever san couldn't hang out on friday nights or left the club early. it was probably obvious to everyone as to why you were jealous but you could never admit it.

it was way too cliche to have fallen for your best friend and it certainly didn't help that he didn't take anything seriously when it came to dating. but choi san made it hard for you to not fall for him.

san was the perfect gentlemen. he's always attentive and remembers the little things about you. he always knew when you were feeling sad or mad and always knew how to handle your moods. he knew your coffee order along with your fears. san knew your likes and dislikes and knew when to stop teasing you if you ever got upset or uncomfortable. not to mention he was fucking fine as hell. sure, it is a little weird to be calling your best friend hot but it's literally choi san. everyone's campus crush unfortunately. there was just no way you couldn't have fallen for him.

"y/n, how much are you gonna eat?" san shouts from down the hall pulling you out of your thoughts.

"uhhhh... how much are you gonna eat?" you ask, taking a moment to compose yourself before walking back into the living room.

at least you were his best friend. best friend. a title that left you feeling grateful yet wanting more. maybe one day, you would tell him how you truly feel about him but for now you're content with being his best friend.

"oh my god, there's mozzarella sticks too!" san chirps from the couch.

"get me one!" you shout as you jump onto the couch. "just mozzarella with sugar and i could go for a couple of wings."

"ok..." san trails as he inputs your order, "do you want something to drink?"

"no, it's fine. i have some soda and soju in the fridge."

"fuck yeah!"

once completing the order, san repeats what he has in the cart before pressing the "order now" button and hands back your phone.

"thanks sannie." you reach for the phone before continuing, "and for coming here to help me finish. i don't know what i would've done without you."

"no problem, anything for you." san answers with a smile on his face.

afterward, silence fell in the room. there were very rare occasions where silences were awkward but this one felt different. it felt tense? maybe you were reading into it too much but the atmosphere felt odd.

"you know," san begins breaking the silence, "you said some interesting things last night."

an abrupt cough broke your voice before you could reply, "i'm sorry what?"

san repeats what he said before continuing, "y'know, i wouldn't mind helping you out."

"helping me out with what?" your heart was practically beating of your chest when you questioned san. exactly what the fuck did drunk you say in that damn closet.

"yesterday, you mentioned that you were a virgin before we kissed and that you were a little embarrassed about it."

"so, you're asking me if i would want you to help me lose my virginity?" you ask, not quite sure if you're hearing the words come out of san's mouth right.

"yeah, i mean it's better than losing it to a complete stranger right? but if talking about this is making you uncomfortable i will shut up about this and pretend this never happened. you just gotta tell me." the man across from you reassures, his face unreadable.

"i can't tell if you're joking about this."

"why would i joke about something that you have an issue with?" san responds back, his tone serious.

you take a minute to let his words soak in because you're still sure you're not hearing him correctly. choi san, your best friend wants to take your virginity? and why are you lowkey comfortable with the idea? are best friends supposed to be doing this? doesn't this break some type of boundary or cross some line of being friends?

"if you don't want to, there's no rush y/n. i'm only offering this because i think you would be comfortable with someone you know and trust. plus, i'm already tested and i'm clean so you don't need to worry about catching anything."

san made great points on his case and you really wanted to lose your v-card and to him? even better. your only concern was how would this affect your friendship afterward. what if your feelings for him get too strong?

"you promise this won't affect our friendship?"

"i swear on it." san raises his pinky out, "i promise this won't affect anything between us. it'll just be like me doing another favor for you."

taking his pinky with yours, you seal the promise by using your thumb to connect with his, "deal."

"deal." san agrees as he smiles, his dimple poking out. "can i ask you a few questions though?"

"shoot away."

"you've cummed before right?"

"uh yeah." you answer, feeling slightly uncomfortable with talking about such a taboo topic with your best friend. you've heard bits and pieces of san's sex life but he's never heard about yours and now is the perfect time to start laying out everything.

"so you've masturbated before?" you nod in response leading to san asking a few more follow up questions, "with your fingers or with a toy?"

"both, hyejoo got me a vibrator for my birthday."

"oh? we love to see it." san comments with a surprised look on his face, "what are you into and what are some hard no's?"

"hmmm, i'm definitely into praise. maybe hair-pulling? oh, and i like it when people are possessive? y'know when someone let's their partner know that they their's or something. hard no's though would be degradation but do i like dirty talk."

out of all the things you've confessed tonight, saying no to degradation got an eyebrow raise from san.

"what?" you snap, "call me a whore and you're fucking dead."

"noted." san raises his arms up in surrender.

"your turn now, what are you into and not?" a part of you was a little excited to hear about what he had to say.

"well, i like to hear and give praise and sometimes edging. i also like it when someone pulls my hair and when they're loud. it lets me know that i'm doing something right. i also wouldn't mind getting topped. but i'm not into super bdsm or anything extreme right now."

"interesting, i'll keep that in mind."

"last question, i swear." san starts, "have you ever been eaten out before?"

"no. i didn't really get into much with any of my partners."

"well," he pauses for dramatic effect, "you wanna know how it feels like?"

"like, right now?" there goes your heart again, racing a hundred miles per hour.

"i mean we have some time before the food gets here so..."

the mere thought of san going down on you and being the first person to do had you rubbing your thighs together. "fuck it."

the both of you move to the couch where you let san climb on top. "is it okay, if i kiss you again?"

you nod, afraid to use your voice. this was really happening.

"yes, please." you whisper, still not trusting your voice.

"i need words baby." san demands as one of his hands lifts your chin up.

"don't be shy baby, it's just me." he comforts as the hand on your chin rises to your cheek. "i'll take care of you, just relax."

looping your hands around his neck, you nod beginning to allow yourself to relax. san uses the hand on your cheek to meet him in the middle as he pulls you into a sweet kiss. it was less sloppier than the last time you kissed him yet san was already pulling sounds out of your mouth and he hadn't even touched you yet.

san pulls away moving his lips to your neck as he softly licks different spots on your neck, switching between kitten licks and nibbling. soft pants were escaping your mouth which made san want to hear more from you. with the next lick of your neck, san followed up with a harder bite on your neck but quickly soothed the pain with the swipe of his tongue eliciting a sweet moan from you.

you could feel san's smile of victory on your neck as he leaves one last kiss on your neck before pulling away. "ready?" he asks, waiting for a verbal confirmation which you comply with quickly. "just relax and let me do the work. don't hesitate to stop me if you ever feel comfortable."

this time you nod your head shyly in response as san eyes you down for any signs of discomfort. "i trust you."

san smiles in response as one of his hands begin to travel downwards, his lips going back to your neck. his hands start off with a small rub on your hips then snake further down to the waistband of your pants. you were beyond grateful you were wearing some of your newer underwear but that was in the back of your mind when san cupped your clothed core.

"oh fuck." you groan, his fingers taking you by surprise as they run and up down your slit.

"already such a mess and i've barely touched you." he coos at you making you whimper.

"stop teasing please," you plead, grabbing onto his arm.

san removes his hand from your pants causing you to pout but before you could even whine, san pulls down your sweats after moving to the edge of the couch.

"fuck," san groans, the sight of you dripping for him was making him lose his mind.

san takes small kitten licks, taking his sweet time with you as he watches for your reactions. these small licks weren't doing it for you though as one of your hands snaked to the back of his head trying to use it as leverage to speed things up.

"patience, baby." he says as he presses your hips down, making you whimper.

"please, just go faster," you beg, looking at him hopelessly.

as on cue, san takes two fingers to spread your lips apart before quickening his pace. the difference in speed had you gasping as you tugged on his hair.

"ooh my god, so close." you pant, the grip on his hair tightening.

san groans into your sopping pussy sending vibrations into your core and bringing you closer to the edge. to add on to the burning feeling in your stomach, he brings a hand up to your clit to speed up ur orgasm.

"fuck, fuck, fuck!" you cry out feeling the knot in your stomach burst.

your orgasm washes over you, leaving you breathless as san continues to lick up your cum. the overstimulation building up was beginning to burn as you tug on san's hair to stop.

san immediately pulls away with your essence dripping down his chin but that doesn't stop him as he dives into a heated kiss with you, letting you taste yourself on your tongue.

when he pulls back a sickening smile spreads across his face, "thoughts?"

to be honest, you were completely breathless with how fucking amazing san just ate you out and with how san was staring down at you right now with a stupid smirk on his face. "that...was great."

the smile on his face is gone as san frowns, "just great? i put my all into that."

you roll your eyes, grabbing the nearest pillow, you smack san on the chest. "i can't really think right now asshole."

"is it because i ate you out really good?" san genuinely asks, a smile returning his face.

"no you dumbass, the project really got my ass." you throw your hands into the air, chest still heaving.

"oh."

"oh my god." you groan. "just give me my clothes."

"wait, let me clean you up first." san objects before jogging down your hall towards your bathroom.

upon returning, san found you half asleep as your eyes were shut. still, he got on his knees and carefully took the wet rag to clean you up and his face.

your eyes fluttered open to see san below you again dabbing the inside of your legs carefully with a towel. instinctively, your hand flies to his hair as you stroke through his locks. "thank you." you hum, "you really did a good job."

san physically tensed up at your touch or maybe it was your words, either way he pulled away with a light blush on his face as he handed you a fresh pair of underwear and sweats. "of course, next time should be even funner."

"funner isn't a word." you quip, trying to ignore the excitement pooling in your stomach for the next time you guys hook up.

"shut up and move." san shushes as he climbs onto the couch with you, pulling you into his side.

the warmth coming from his body was too delicious as you felt your eyes droop even further. "san, i'm gonna fall asleep."

"just nap and i'll wake you up when the food is here."

although you had your doubts about san waking you up as soon as the food came because you feared that he would take all the chicken legs and then wake you up, you awoke to everything untouched (thankfully).

the food tasted like heaven as you guys chowed down however san would argue that you tasted better than whatever chicken piece he was eating.

ever since that night when san came over, something in you changed. you ached for san to touch you like that again and although you usually see san almost every day, you haven't seen him in a couple of days. you knew that he was busy finishing stuff up for clubs and packing for his trip home but something in you felt like something changed between the two of you.

maybe it was just you being extremely horny over your best friend that you didn't know how you would ever act normally near him after he ate you out. it also didn't help that you guys didn't set an official day for when you'll finally lose your virginity.

every now and then you would get the urge to just tell san to come over and fuck you but whatever sanity you had left in you refused to cave in so weakly like that.

speaking of the devil himself, san's name appeared on your phone.

morning wood: u wanna come over tonight?

morning wood: i just finished packing

hobbit: do u want me to bring something over for dinner?

morning wood: nah i can order pizza when u come over

morning wood: pepperoni good?

hobbit: yeah, i'll be over in thirty i just need to finish my laundry

morning wood: okayyy

morning wood liked a message from you

fuck. is this gonna be the night? like the night? shit. shit. should u shave? wear something sexy under some sweats just in case?

usually, san is super straightforward when it comes to shit like this so there should be no reason for you to be so freaked out. maybe you could be the one to initiate things? he did say he liked to be topped. wait, what if san genuinely wanted to hang out with you? and now you're only looking forward to seeing him because you wanna get dicked down.

your thoughts kept on racing as you sat in front of two outfits on your bed. casual loungewear with the possibility of wearing the ridiculously over-the-top lingerie underneath or something slightly with more effort which consisted of jeans and a cute cardigan.

still panicking over what to wear to your best friend's house you call hyejoo on the edge of having a meltdown.

"hell-"

"hyejoo! i need your help with what to wear san's. you rush completely cutting off your friend.

"well fuck, nice to see you too." hyejoo jokes commenting on your panicked state, "what's the occasion? wait is this the night you finally lose it?"

she knew almost every detail of what was going on between you and san. hyejoo lived for your updates and lately, she's been missing her nightly video chats of you screaming every little thing that had happened between you and san after the night at mingi's.

"that's the thing, i don't know what the occasion is. he just texted me to come over cause he's been hella busy lately tryna pack and shit."

"ahh that explains why you haven't called me in like four days."

"yes it does, but please help me. i don't know if i should like sort of dress up fancier? or like be sneaky and wear something bold underneath."

"well, you usually just wear sweats or whatever right?" you hum in agreement, "well then just wear sweats then wear the lingerie i got you."

"but what if i wear and be uncomfortable the whole time and we don’t even have sex."

"ok well, then just wear a matching set. preferably something that's not from high school, y/n."

"hey. i threw those away leave me alone." you argue back.

"whatever, anyways just wear a matching set in his favorite color just in case you guys do have sex."

"you are so fucking smart." you praise, as you rifle through your sock and underwear once more. "thank you so much, i'll call you if anything happens."

"ah i'm so excited!" hyejoo exclaims on the other end of the phone, "stay safe and use protection!"

"yes, mom. bye" you roll your eyes at the sudden change in hyejoo's voice.

it was final. you decided on wearing a black matching set since you couldn't find your purple bra in your drawer. black will be fine right? it's still a sexy color? well, either way you thought you looked good as hell in black so you got a confidence boost from that.

soon you arrived at san's, with your heart beating out of your chest. a very rare feeling to have at your best friend's house but hey, what's one more boundary to cross?

tentatively, you knock on his door fiddling with one of the strings on your hoodie.

"hi."

"come in." san greets you wearing a loose pair of sweats and a tank top showing off his buff arms.

well shit, if you weren't wet at the possibility of having sex tonight, you were already wet from just looking at his physique. the way the tight tank top accentuated his tiny waist and broad shoulders had your mind running laps.

"you good?" san asks as he looks over at your spaced-out figure.

"yeah, i'm good. it's just," you rub a hand over face to stall as you think of an excuse, "i'm fine."

san just gives out a light chuckle at your response, "well, the pizza is on the counter if you want some but do you wanna watch anything?"

"ooo yes!" you slightly loosen up as you try to forget how you got caught checking out your best friend, "chainsaw man?"

"yeah sure, i've been wanting to catch up on that."

"perfect!" you clasp your hands together in excitement.

"blanket?"

"yes, please."

you continue to fiddle with the strings of your hoodie dealing with both your horniess and anxiety. when san returned to the couch with one of his (yours actually) favorite blanket, you instinctively scooted closer to san for double warmth.

however, you failed to remember that your lewd thoughts were still in the back of your mind and as san was slowly typing in "chainsaw man" into the search bar, you kept fidgeting trying to find the best way where you relieved some sort of pressure and felt comfortable.

"are you sure you're okay?" san looks down at you. his words felt like he was pushing you to admit to something you didn't want to say out loud.

"i-uh,um." you couldn't even think straight with san staring down at you like that. "i think i'm ready."

san just stares at you in confusion, "i love the confidence but for what?"

you hopelessly look at him, praying he understands what you mean. "you know..." the blush on your face gets stronger every minute you say something dumb.

san understood what you meant. actually, he had a feeling that you wanted to the minute you started checking him out. still though, he played dumb wanted to hear you say it out loud.

"i don't know, actually."

"san!" you whine at him.

still, your pleas had no effect on you as he stared at you with a blank face.

"i'mreadytohavesexwithyou." you blurt out really fast not even daring to open your eyes. you hear san laugh and the feeling of wanting to crawl up in a hole and die grew exponentially. immediately you hide underneath the blanket hoping san would disappear if you wished hard enough.

"y/n," san pulls the covers down to enough to reveal your eyes. "it's okay." you refused to remove the blanket completely but still pulled it down just enough that your whole face was exposed. "if you want to have sex now you just have to tell me. i'm perfectly fine with waiting too, it's all up to you."

"can you please just fuck me." you pout. "now, please."

a soft smile appears on san's face as he scoops you up into his arms. "you're so cute."

"wait, where am i going?" you ask as you tilt your head to see where san's taking you.

"i am not taking your virginity on a craig's list couch."

"fair enough."

gently, san lays you on his bed before crawling towards you. once your head is on one of his pillows, san's hands trail to the hem of your shirt. "can i kiss you?"

the way those words left his mouth felt so soft and pure. you were so glad you ditched the idea of losing your v-card to a random tinder date. you trusted san enough to take good care of you and he did.

"yes, please." you answer, wrapping your arms around his neck to pull him in.

the kiss started off slow, as san took his time with you. his lips molded perfectly with yours. your arms tug on his neck to bring him even closer as san spreads your legs with his knee. the top of his knee came into contact with your aching core causing you to moan in the kiss.

san pulls away with swollen lips, his hands trail to the hem of your shirt tugging it on softly, "can i?"

acknowledging him, san gets to work as he gets rid of your shirt leaving you in your bra. flustered, your hands reach for san's shirt as you tug on it.

"to be even," you explain.

"of course." san smiles following your command and smoothly takes his tank top off throwing it to somewhere in the room.

it wasn't new seeing san shirtless but you swear he changed his workout routine or something because he looks (and feels) ten times more ripped than the last time you saw him shirtless.

a gasp leaves your mouth and your hands fly to his chest as they rake down to his stomach.

"what?" he asks as he leans closer into you, putting both of his hands beside your head, caging you in.

"did you get a new workout routine?" you attempt to ask calmly.

"yeah actually, yeosang and i started going to a trainer a couple months ago."

"i can tell," you compliment, hands once again running up and down his abs.

in one swift motion, san captures both of your arms and holds them in place with one hand above your head.

"hey-"

"enough talking." san cuts you off with a sudden kiss, his free hand trailing your curves. desperately, you tried to lift your arms so you could wrap them around san but his grip was too strong. your body fidgeted trying to get him to loosen the grip but with how close san knee was to your core, it began to rub deliciously against your sweats. soon, you fell into a somewhat steady rhythm trying to create some friction for yourself.

when san pulls away, your motions come to a halt like you were caught red-handed. "baby couldn't wait, huh?"

embarrassed, you turn your head with a blush evident on your cheeks.

"hey, i'm just teasing you." san comforts as he grabs your chin with his fingers, forcing you to look up at him. he felt his heart crumble (and his pants strain) when you looked up at him with a pout. "i'll make it up to you, yeah?"

"you better, you jackass." you joke as you slap his arm.

san gets back to work with your lips as his hands trail all over your body. his roamed every curve and dip of your body. the callouses on his hands left goosebumps everywhere. eventually, san stopped at the top of the waistband. "may i?"

pathetically, you whimper out a quick "yes" as san gets to work with getting rid of your sweats and panties. one of his fingers runs up and down your slit to collect your slick.

"gonna prep you first, okay?"

nodding in confirmation, san slips his finger in as you gasp. your walls clench around his finger as he pumps in and out. your breath quickens even more before san adds in another one drawing a moan from you.

once san deems you prepped enough for his dick, he pulls his fingers out causing you to whine. "i'll be back, just gotta find a condom baby." he soothes as he opens his bed stand drawer his clean fishing around for one.

finally, san finds that gold foil package, ripping it with his teeth and you swear you could've come at that sight alone. you help san get rid of his pants and boxers.

sitting up in anticipation, you watch as san pumps his cock in front of you. the realization of you getting dicked down finally settling causing nerves to bounce around in you again. his dick wasn't some scary monster cock that you've seen in porn videos but it was still fairly long and the more you thought about it the more you questioned how the fuck it was supposed to fit inside of you.

san pulls you out of your thoughts when he lets out a groan. your eyes snap back down to his dick as you watch his tip start to leak beads of precum from his angry, red tip. san slows down his hand as his other hand begins to reach for the condom.

"wait."

san snaps his head to you with the condom still dangling from his teeth, his eyes full of concern.

"can i do that?" you ask the sudden burst of confidence spurring your adrenaline.

immediately, san nods his head as he sticks out his chin for you to grab the condom from his mouth. you sucked in a breath as you slipped the condom onto san as he praised you for your job well done but you cut him as you give him an experimental pump of his cock.

"fuck." san says through gritted teeth.

with his reaction, you pump him a few more times watching as his face contorted in pleasure. you didn't want to be the only one being satisfied tonight.

"baby," san grunts as he grabs your wrist, scaring you slightly as you thought you did something wrong, "we don't want me cumming just yet."

"right..." you trail off awkwardly as you retract your hand away.

san lightly laughs at your awkwardness finding it adorable, "it's alright, just let me make you feel good now."

he plants a quick kiss on your lips as he softly presses you onto your back. "tell me if anything hurts alright love?"

you give him another quick nod as you watch san shift on his knees. with a hand, he rubs the head of his cock up and down your slit just to tease you earning him a moan from you.

once san lines up with your entrance, he slowly fills you up and before any pain or discomfort could even manifest in your mind, san smashes his lips into yours. with the way, san's tongue was dancing with yours the pain in your lower abdomen was almost nonexistent.

by the time he pulls away, san's cock was fully buried into your cunt. your walls rubbed deliciously against san, "fuckkk, you feel so fucking good." san groaned. "tell me when you're ready for me to move, love."

this new pet name combined with san going down to kiss your neck has your head spinning. "oh fuck, san."

the sensation of san's lips leaving wet kisses on your neck was incredible. to add even more to your pleasure, you felt him begin to nibble lightly on your neck causing you to moan even louder. you could even feel san's smirk of accomplishment on your neck before he continued his new pattern of nibbling on different spots on your neck and soothing the pain with a few swipes of his tongue.

it took you a moment to even tell san that you were ready for him to move since you were so overwhelmed with his little side quest that you couldn't even manage to get a word out.

with your confirmation, san pulls his mouth away from you to focus on your cunt. at first, he does a few experimental thrusts just to test the waters before settling into a comfortable rhythm.

"you're taking me so well, baby" san praises when he flashes his eyes up at you. the dazed look in your eyes caused a surge of confidence to course through his body.

san's ego grew when he realized that he was the first one to ever make you feel this fucked out. he showed his newfound confidence by fucking you even harder. the grip on your hips tightening as san tries to get the most leverage he can to chase his high.

"fuck, san." you cry out, the knot in your stomach growing. "m' so close baby."

san tensed at the nickname for a quick second. he had been calling you "baby" ever since he started helping you out but holy shit he did not expect you calling him that to have such an effect on him. "say it again." san demands his eyes flashing to yours.

"baby, fuck." you groan as san's pace increases even more sending you to close the edge. "shit, i'm so close"

his thrusts got sloppier as your moans became louder. the knot in your stomach began to unravel with each push. san swallowed your moans as he leaned down to kiss you. it was a messy kiss but yet it oddly felt intimate. there was just something in his urgency to kiss you that felt so comforting.

the mix of his lips combined with the last few thrusts of hips, the both of you finally came. pulling away from your lips, san presses his forehead to yours to catch his breath with his cock still buried deep inside you.

for a moment, you guys stay like that. in such an intimate position, you closed your eyes and believed that he was yours and not just your best friend. you wished you could stay in this moment forever and keep believing this isn't a one-time thing.

you were pulled out of your daydreaming as san finally pulled out causing you to whine, already missing the feeling of him. through tired eyes, you watch san tie up the condom to discard after he throws on a pair of boxers.

"where are you going?" you ask still out of breath. apart of you worried that he was going to get up and leave already. you didn't want your little daydream to end just yet.

"i'll be right back." san answers slipping out of the door and disappearing somewhere into your house.

soon, san returned with a glass of water and a wet rag. carefully, san gets to work as he cleans you up after handing you the glass to drink. when he's done, you give the half-empty glass back to him and encourage him to drink it. he gladly does before getting up once more to put away the cup.

immediately, you tug at his arm and pull him down into bed with you. "don't go."

san smiles at you softly before returning back into the covers. your arms link around his torso in an instant bringing him closer to you. "don't ever leave me."

"i won't, i promise. you mean too much to me"

"i do?" you mumble, fatigue finally catching up to you as your eyelids began to droop.

"mmh." san mumbles as he presses a soft kiss onto your forehead. "go to bed, we can talk tomorrow."

too tired to even respond, you close your eyes and wrap your arms tighter around him.

the sun peeked through the blinds promptly disrupting your sleep along with the noises on the street. when you opened your eyes to an empty bed your heart sank. you knew san didn't owe you anything after last night but still you wished you woke up in his arms and not alone.

with a heavy heart, you got up from his bed and got dressed again, picking up the scattered clothes from the floor. memories from the night before flooded your mind and it hurt remembering that it was only temporary.

when you left the room, you didn't expect to see san cooking breakfast.

"you're awake already?" san asks as he looks over his shoulder.

you nod your head, "your blinds don't do shit."

"my apologies sleeping beauty." san jokes back turning his attention back to the stove. "breakfast will be ready in ten."

by the looks of it, san appeared normal like last night's events had no effect on him whatsoever. truthfully, they were the opposite. san was internally freaking out. from the many hook up and one night stands san has been on, not one of them has he longed for the girl afterward. he didn't know how to react to his feelings but the one thing he did know was that he wanted you.

san was just scared to ask you to be his. there was a multitude of reasons of why but one of them was that he was scared of the commitment. in general, he just couldn't get himself to open up to just one person and be vulnerable but with you, he wanted to try.

he felt safe in your presence and although it took him so long to realize it, he's always felt comfortable around you. "breakfast's ready!" sans call out to you.

the two of you eat in awkward silence. part of you was convinced that you were making it awkward because someone couldn't keep their feelings out of it and san thought he was making things weird because he had no clue how to handle his emotions.

eventually, you couldn't stand the sound of the utensils clanking on the plates and bowls, and either could san. "san,"

"yes?" he looks up at you, thankful for breaking the tension.

this is the moment. just do it. "i don't think we can be friends anymore."

"wait what?"

"i know, i made you promise that whatever we did wouldn't affect our friendship but i-i love you."

san stares at you in confusion, "i love you, too but i don't see why we can't be friends anymore? was the sex that bad? you can be honest."

"god no, it was great. but the issue is that you don't love me the way i love you." you confess daring to look san in the eyes. "i knew this was terrible idea from the start but i just- i wanted to have you for one night even if it was temporary."

san soaks in your words, not saying anything for a moment which leads to worry even more.

"i'm sorry," you start, looking down at your hands as you try to contain yourself.

"you don't need to apologize." san says grabbing your hand from across the table. "i wanna be yours too."

"wait, what? i thought you didn't like relationships though?"

"i don't but recently i've realized i wanna be more than friends. don't think it's because of the sex, if anything that just gave me another reason to love you." san jokes, easing the tension in the room.

"san, be serious." you scold at him while a smile slips through your facade.

"no seriously though, i mean it when i say i wanna be yours."

"you wanna be mine?"

"yes i do. i know i'm not good at communicating feelings and stuff like that but i'm willing to try with you."

the biggest smile graces your face as look down at the table while san comes over to your side. maybe you didn't have to worry at all about this because in the end he wanted you all along.

"we can take it slow, as long you're mine." you look lovingly into his eyes and you felt your heart beat out of your chest. for good reason, this time though.

"sounds great to me."

a laugh escapes as you lean your head onto's san shoulder. his arm immediately wraps around you bringing you in as san places a quick kiss on your head. "so what did you think about breakfast?"

"being honest," you look up at san with a playful smile on your face, "they were kinda runny."

"that's it, we're done." san jokes, throwing his arms into the air for dramatic effect.

laughing at his antics, you just realize how much you love san and although it may be too early to say it yet, let's just say you're grateful you had a choi san in your life.

he finally was yours.

[svltzmans]

Hii it's been a WHILE since I requested but I always come around and read your writing even if I'm not part of the fandom you're just THAT GOOD☝️

About my request..could you write something smut with hope where you're talking to your friend on the phone and she obv wants readers attention and starts with light touches or playing with the ends of their clothes while waiting for a reaction but since reader ignores that she tries other things?? 👀 thank you and hope you're having a nice day/night!

- 🦇 anon <3

company - h.m.

a/n: hi 🦇 anon! thank you sm for requesting <3 it's nice to see you in my ask box again! and ty for the nice words about my other works!! this was a fun one to write so i hope you all like it <3

warnings: smut (18+), you know what to expect based on the request <3

"they did what?"

y/n's casual phone conversation with her best friend had developed into an undoubtedly entertaining gossip.

and y/n could admit that she was enthralled by it.

hope had finally returned from class, having sat through a multiple hour lecture.

a lecture that she had daydreamed about y/n during.

hope promptly sat herself next to her girlfriend on her bed, still trying not to interrupt her phone conversation.

y/n reaches her hand out to hope, grabbing onto hers as a greeting.

as y/n's phone call continues, hope feels herself growing impatient. she hadn't stopped thinking about y/n, the way her body looks and feels in her hands.

a furious blush covers hope's face, her fingers interlocked with her girlfriend's.

y/n continues with her call, completely oblivious to hope's growing desire.

when hope moves her hand to y/n's thigh, she thinks nothing of it. the conversation is in full swing, and the affection she was receiving was typical from hope.

hope's fingers dance around y/n's thighs, admiring the feeling of her curves.

y/n smiles at hope, still oblivious to her intentions.

hope knows she's not going to succeed at getting y/n's full attention unless she makes herself more obvious.

when hope stands up, y/n flashes her a confused expression, still hearing details of her friend's story.

y/n finds herself unable to respond to her call when hope pulls her shirt over her head, revealing the black sports bra underneath.

"i gotta call you back later," she mumbles into the receiver, hanging up her phone.

"baby, what are you doing?" y/n questions her newly shirtless girlfriend.

"you gonna pay attention to me now, or what?" hope smirks, seeing y/n's cheeks turn red.

"i'm going to do a hell of a lot more than just pay attention to you."

hope gets back down on the bed, hovering over y/n. wordlessly, y/n pulls hope in for a kiss by her hips.

hope lets out a gasp as she falls into y/n, deepening the kiss.

when they briefly separate, hope makes a confession.

"i've been thinking about this all day. about you all day."

"thinking about what, this?"

y/n lowers her hand from hope's hip to her core, putting pressure on her clit over her jeans.

hope gasps, her legs instinctively spreading.

"go, go under," she mutters, desperate for more friction.

y/n stops in her tracks, staring into hope's eyes.

"please?"

"that's more like it."

hope nearly cries in pleasure when y/n dips her hand under her underwear.

she instinctively grinds into the contact, aching for more pressure.

"there you go. this is what you wanted, isn't it?" y/n praises, causing hope to shiver.

"needed," hope practically cries, feeling her body tense with y/n's touch.

y/n is relentless, unable to get enough of hope, her facial expressions and the sounds she made driving her crazy.

"y/n, just fuck me," hope sighs, her body tensing.

hope sees stars when y/n puts her fingers inside her, her body nearly giving out under her.

y/n's touch nearly sets hope aflame, and she swears she could never have enough of that feeling.

she barely realizes when she is dangerously close, her fingers wrapped in y/n's hair.

hope falls over the edge without warning, losing feeling in her legs as she lets out a strained moan.

y/n is in awe of the sight below her, admiring the way her girlfriend falls apart under her touch.

when hope comes down from her high, she can't help but crack a smile, pulling y/n in for a kiss.

"my god, y/n, you are way too good at that," she laughs, y/n joining soon after.

"show me how much better you are," y/n quips, laying down to allow hope to tower over her.

"don't have to tell me twice."

[vasito-de-leche]

Hello..... may I ask for more Horropedia romantic headcanons about his love languages in recieving and giving? 👉👈 I really like your Pavia headcanons about it. If it's too much, then may I ask for just Horropedia's love language in receiving? This man has been haunting me in my mind for a long time and I starve for more stuff about him. Thank you very much! 💖💖

;R1999 HORROPEDIA - Love Languages (receiving)

Headcanons and analysis on Horropedia's love languages and the way he likes to receive attention.

I miss doing love language stuff, so ty for the request! it's only receiving stuff for this post since it might've gotten too long if I did both, but feel free to drop by again!

This one is a little tricky for me! I know I have a lot to say about the way Horropedia shows affection, but when it comes to the way he likes to receive affection, I don't think I have a super solid grasp?

When it comes to love as a general feeling, I know that Horropedia isn't used to it. It's not due to a lack of receiving it, that's for sure. Horropedia knows how love is supposed to feel thanks to the loving grandfather that raised him - but genuine affection, whether platonic or romantic, and acts of kindness are extremely hard to come by in an environment as sterile and harsh as the Foundation. At worst, they come with an invisible compromise.

This, mixed with the fact that people tend to avoid him, has certainly led Horropedia not to expect anything when it comes to love as a concept. "It's not his genre", he says.

In the context of giving, it's easy for him to adapt to it because he just has to figure out the rules - the things he's comfortable with doing that feel good for you, the deal breakers, the clichés and so on and so forth, but when it comes to receiving? Horropedia is a little lost, almost like he's used to experiencing things as an outsider and a observer, rather than an active participant. It's especially difficult if the things that he wants are considered non-conventional, outside of the traditional scope of romance. Or if his partner misunderstands his eagerness to learn and the ways he engages with these new feelings as disinterest or aloofness.

Like I said in that previous post about Horropedia's relationship headcanons, it's easy to misinterpret him and his actions if they're only read at a surface level, and through the lenses of conventional displays of love. Him putting the effort into understanding the rules of romance, to figure out everything there is to know about love and the nuance of this relationship he's in... That's exactly how he shows his affections.

But once again, what happens when it comes to Horropedia receiving love and affection? He likes when you're with him, but is that enough? Is there something deeper? Something he's missing?

I think it would be very cute if he tried to figure out which love languages he likes to receive, only to find out the answers were pretty obvious the whole time, much like the formula for every romcom out there.

Receiving: Quality Time, Words of Affirmation

[Quality Time]

Out of everyone I've written about so far in this blog, Horropedia would love quality time in it's purest form the most - getting to spend time with you all alone, focusing only on each other to catch up and bond sounds heavenly to him. The activity is the least of his concerns, he'd rather much focus on the fact that someone is going out of their way to make time for him, that they genuinely want him around and care about what he has to say.

Okay, bear with me for a moment. I like to think Horropedia is particular about his space and belongings, I definitely mentioned this a few times already throughout my posts, partially because of how cautious he had to be to keep the Foundation from taking away everything that made him feel safe and happy while growing up. And also because he's just wired like that, no other deep reasoning behind it. But once he grows comfortable, this sort of "stingy" and perhaps avoidant behaviour disappears almost entirely, because that's when he becomes eager to share his life in its entirety with those he cherishes.

The process of indulging in quality time with Horropedia, whether he's the one initiating or receiving, is actually just a very slow process of being welcomed into his life.

It starts very systematic and organized, I'd say - he would prefer to set up certain dates and times to hang out. For example, Sundays are special because they're the day you come around to hang out with him, so he can't have any other plans on Sundays and he'll certainly spend part of the week just anticipating this special day. But as he grows more comfortable, he would insist that you simply show up to his work station or room whenever you feel like it. That counts as quality time, right? You two are spending time together. Easy.

And this goes on and on, to the point where you're glued by the hip and that initial barrier is gone entirely - similar to Pavia, Horropedia would insist that you have permission to just wak into the places he considers a "safe space" from the world that keeps giving him weird looks or continues to chastise him for not adhering to the model of a Foundation member. He loves whenever you invite yourself to his movie marathons, when you just tag along to keep him company, or when you invite him to fun getaways, etc etc.

I know I said that Horropedia would enjoy quality time in the purest of its forms at the beginning of this entire section, but now I'm talking about how Horropedia considers quality time to every single second he spends with you. I have nothing to defend myself, so I'll just attribute that to his themes of redirection <3

[Words of Affirmation]

Horropedia likes when people are clear about their intentions and feelings the same way he is. Words of affirmation, to him, is intrinsically linked with understanding and transparent communication. Those are the things Horropedia seeks.

I think that questions are the easiest way to show this sort of love language to him. Yes, Horropedia would prefer to hear why you dislike a movie that he likes rather than hear you mindlessly praise it just to avoid upsetting him, he would rather be told that he's done a good job in his research, and all - but directly asking him for his thoughts and opinions, asking him to clarify or explain something in more detail... It makes Horropedia feel seen, finally heard, he's given the chance to unleash all of his intellect while knowing that someone is truly paying attention to him. You went out of our way to ask him, when you could've asked anyone else.

Not to say that compliments, declarations of love and sweet nothings are useless or unwanted! I do think that Horropedia is the type of guy who would love to be hyped up by his friends and loved ones, to have others tell him he's done a good job even if he already knows that, to have his partner tell him that they love him, even if he focuses more on actions rather than words. But it has to come hand in hand with that direct honesty, lest it come across as insincere or some back-handed comment.

I'm gonna go on another tangent here!

We've all talked about neurodivergency and Horropedia at some point or another, the idea of Horropedia masking is not strange or new at all. Him being aware of these invisible rules of conduct that others expect him to live up to exist out there, while also being unable to follow them or notice them right away at times - it's just the contradictory lifestyle us neurodivergent people have to lead.

I like to think that Horropedia has grown to be wary and cautious of acts of kindness around the Foundation staff because it's not something that he associates with a group like them. So being complimented out of the blue can give him pause. Something as small as telling him that his hair looks nice today, or that someone likes his clips and hair ties. Horropedia knows he must be on the look out for these double-edged words and back-handed compliments. Just look at the way other kids treated Vertin when they were all so young.

And yet, he feels so very happy and giddy when someone he trusts, who has proven that they're honest, gives him any sort of positive affirmations. Because he knows that these people mean what they say and say what they mean, as opposed to everyone else. This is when simple compliments can go a long way with him!

[elderberries-and-honey]

𝙈𝙮 𝘾𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙫𝙚 𝙋𝙧𝙤𝙘𝙚𝙨𝙨 & 𝙋𝙡𝙖𝙣𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜

A while back I received this question asking if I'd mind explaining what my creative process is like and some wanted further explanation about what goes into planning multiple generations & arcs. I do apologize that this is so overdue, and it's literally taken me months to get to. My process is always changing, and I'm constantly adding in pieces that help make the process easier. Because of this, the way I answered the question back then is also quite outdated, at least in terms of how I plan each shoot/post, and I'll hopefully provide further clarification below the cut.

However, first and foremost, I want to say I am by no means an expert and different processes work for different people. Your creative process might look totally different than mine, and that's okay! Whatever keeps you coming back and sharing your work is always going to be the best & most efficient way of doing things.

But I do think it's helpful to get insight into what works for others when you have no clue how to plan things like this, or where to even begin. So, without further ado, here is my process.

Mainly, I use a website called Milanote. It's super helpful for organization purposes, and it's mostly free. They have free templates you can use, or you can make your own. The only downside to it is you're limited on the number of "cards" that are available to you. They do have a promo that you can use where if you get someone else to sign up, you get more cards, which is what I did.

My main folder basically looks like this:

𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝙍𝙀𝙎𝙀𝘼𝙍𝘾𝙃

The research folder is an unorganized, organized mess and basically just looks like this:

This is where I keep all my resources, and all of the things I've researched for my story. As you can see, this includes various sources like YouTube videos, various articles, quotes, photos and even some music as well. I like having this all in one place so it's easily accessible for me, but you could just easily keep all of this in a Google or Word doc if you're low on 'cards'.

𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝘼𝙍𝘾𝙎

Next we have these two sections. Obviously, I had to cover them up to avoid spoilers but I did label them to hopefully provide insight. Essentially, for this decade in particular, there are going to be various arcs happening at once, especially since the children will be growing into adults and laying their foundation is going to become crucial to the story. However, I'm trying to limit myself from having too much going on at once, which is why I try to limit myself to only four arcs playing out at once.

I will also say that Plot's A through C are interconnected, or at least they will be eventually, while Plot D concerns one of the children and will impact things later down the line. This is super important for really tying different ideas together, and making sure random plots don't seem to just pop up out of the blue.

The table for myself helps a lot with this, so that I can easily see what arcs have been started, and how many 'scenes' each one has. I find this to be useful because then I know that none of the arcs are stretching too long, which ones might need more fine tuning and which ones have yet to flourish or even begin.

Each arc basically has something like this going from beginning to end, essentially following the classic three act structure. Not all of them have five components, some more or less, but generally it ends up being five. Now, this doesn't mean every plot is only five posts or anything like that. Most of the time, the timeline of events needs to be broken off into bite sized pieces and that's okay.

The resolution doesn't always mean a happy ending, and can also serve as a way for me to introduce any new arcs for a specific character, which would then start the process over. You can kind of think about this when watching a lot of television shows. We watch all this build up starting on episode one, and things get more and more intense until we finally reach the season finale. And then woah, with two minutes left of the episode, we see that the character they just thought was dead is actually alive?! Which then leads us into season two.

I do think planning this way could feel really tedious for some, but I like to map things out before I start introducing any arcs so I at least know it isn't a quick "one shot" plot, something without actual purpose or an arc that doesn't really seem to have any sort of end goal that makes logical sense. It also just helps me remember what everyone's up to, especially when there are so many characters to keep track of.

𝙎𝙃𝙊𝙊𝙏𝙄𝙉𝙂 𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝙎𝘾𝙀𝙉𝙀

Before I go into the game, I basically write out a "rough draft" of sorts. This includes dialogue, any background noises (things like a clock ticking or the tapping of a pencil), a brief description of each shot/photo (including any post-editing things like adding blur effect), and a summary of what's happening in each panel.

Because I only use one document for this, and clear it out once I complete a scene, I do not have any examples to show from The Baudelaire Legacy, so I created a mock-up scenario in which Ozzy flunks a difficult test at school, as seen below.

Once I have that written, I plug it into my 'scene planning' board. However, I only include the shot/photos, and the short summary. On Milanote, I also plug in the location, time of day, attire and any pose accessories I might need (so that I remember to create an extra outfit for it). This ends up looking like the example below.

I typically will only have this open on my second monitor while I'm shooting the scene, and I just tick the boxes as I go along. This is really nice if you have to stop mid-shoot, and helps me pick up where I left off without getting confused.

I do also edit each panel in-between shooting to make sure I'm getting the shots I want, however, I don't encourage everyone to have Photoshop and Sims 4 open at the same time.

𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝘾𝙃𝘼𝙍𝘼𝘾𝙏𝙀𝙍𝙎

Then we have the character sheets for each of our characters. Right now, I'm only focusing on Lawrence & Winifred (though, the children's arcs are in a 'idea dump' document).

For me, this is the most important piece of the story. One of the reasons shows like The Sopranos and Breaking Bad are considered some of the best writing in television history, is mostly due to the fact that, in my opinion, they prioritize this as well. It's always good to have a strong character in mind before you begin, and this is because you don't want them to step outside themselves.

Of course, your character can change and bend within their environment or plots happening around them, and they certainly should, but you also need to ask yourself if it's being done logically. Asking yourself, 'Why did they end up this way?', 'How did we get here?' and 'How would this character specifically react to an intense situation, stress or hardship?' is crucial when writing a character that feels alive.

Having something like this helps me build their "character arc" and map it out so no one ends up being left in the dust and makes sure that everyone is important in some way. Each of the children will have a sheet created for them once they reach the teen life state as well.

I also use this page as a way to record any quirks, or habits they have. These don't have to be major or super important either. So for example, on Lawrence's character sheet, I have it written down that he wears glasses to read; a very small thing casual readers probably wouldn't even pay attention to, so it feels like an important detail to me.

𝙈𝙔 𝙎𝙋𝙍𝙀𝘼𝘿𝙎𝙃𝙀𝙀𝙏𝙎

In addition to Milanote, I also Google Sheets/Docs. This is where I keep my spreadsheet and write / keep a hard copy of my story.

My spreadsheet is basically broken up into four different tabs - one for the main sims information (the Baudelaire's), side household information, my story posts and my ageing table.

My information tables look something like this:

For story posts, I use @aheathen-conceivably's method of tracking, which you can read about here. The only thing I have added in addition to what she has is a "notes" section, and this where I include any sort of post that doesn't specifically fit into any arc but is still important - things like birthdays, marriages, holidays, etc.

𝙈𝙄𝙎𝘾𝙀𝙇𝙇𝘼𝙉𝙀𝙊𝙐𝙎 𝙄𝙉𝙁𝙊𝙍𝙈𝘼𝙏𝙄𝙊𝙉

In addition to all of these things, I also use Pinterest to create moodboards for each decade, as well as each character. I like to include all sorts of things like any inspiration I'm drawing from (so, things like Greta Gerwig's Little Women or HBO's Gilded Age), photos, quotes, etc.

Annnnd that's basically it! I'm hoping this provides some good insight, and is helpful in some way. I know it seems like a lot, but the more you do it, and the more you plan, the more natural it will start to feel. Again, I am not an expert in any way, and it's always difficult to explain your process in this way (and probably why I put off trying to do so for such a long time). So, please feel free to ask for clarification in regards to any part of the above.

Happy Simming ‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃

[the-s1lly-corner]

so after Digital Circus came out, I've been having extreme Pomni brainrot, with her joining the horde of comfort characters for me. I'll like to request B, C, D, G, I, K, L, O, Q, R, T, V, W, X and Z. I'm so, so sorry this is a ton, if you wish you can do half of these requests. also sorry if I'm late by any chance

Fluff alphabet with Pomni! (1)

cracks my knuckles dont feel bad for asking for so many letters! if i didnt want people requesting so many for one character i would have put a cap on it!! i admit im not sure how long im going to do the fluff alphabet, i guess for however long people send in requests for it

BONDING- you guys bond by trying to find the exit/j but also not entirely a /j since now that i think about it i can definitely see it. otherwise a lot of your bonding comes from you showing pomni around outside the tend, since she still hasn't had the chance to explore the rest of the grounds

CUDDLING- small spoon simply because she is very small and needs someone to ground her to reality. very soft and squishy, its like holding a squishmallow

DATES- if this were the real world i can see pomni being a coffee shop person, but since it isnt... hmm.. i think dates mostly stick to spending time together in one of yall's rooms

GIFT GIVING- pomni does not give me vibes that they give you large things for gifts regardless of availability... they seem to be more of a handy small trinket person, "hey i saw this and thought of you and figured it might be of use to you" type of deal

IN HOUSE ADVENTURE- since pomni is still new to the endless possibilities of whatever it is caine cooks up for you guys, she gravitates towards you, out of trust and comfort mostly! you guys are kind of 50/50 in terms of if you guys actually function well as a team and solve whatever you need to do to reach the end goal caine has in mind

KISS- she cups your face, i think.. i can see it, very shy about it too, she will immediately pull away all bashfully. mouth kisses are her default, both giving and receiving

LOVE LANGUAGE- quality time and words of affirmation make pomni feel loved! its also how she shows her love, as well! especially the quality time, but as well as acts of service!

ODDITY- obviously this is likely going to be an issue for a while since shes new, but she is a bit. off given her trying to get used to being in the digital world. but just give her time and youre golden! though, i dont think pomni is ever going to fully accept being in the digital world

QUIET TIME- down time between you two is usually spent with the two of you sitting together in one of the common areas or your rooms. each doing your own activity while existing in the same space, fairly comfortable silence.. you two dont do everything together, and thats a-okay

ROSES- i think pomni would, tying into the "hey i thought of you" thing! pomni would not be opposed to being given flowers, pomni looks like a buttercup enjoyer

TUNES- first song that popped into my mind, no explanation.. maybe i miss beach bunny..

VALENTINE- in the real world she would treat you to a night in, with a few movies as well as your favorite snacks. probably gives you some flowers again.. in the digital world, the options are more limited... perhaps you two check out the carnival by the tent? the games there arent rigged.... probably...

WANT- they want someone who will actually listen to what shes trying to say and achieve, to be taken seriously. sure, a lot of the time in the pilot pomni is freaking out because shes coming to the realization that shes trapped, but i until we get more there isnt much i can say for her.. for now..

ZZZ- very sound sleeper, actually! tosses and turns every now and then but nothing too excessive, add that in with the cuddling segment and you guys would be pretty well rested after a night together, if you needed sleep in the digital world

[aces-and-angels]

ty to @juudaimes-true-form, @laylaisthename, @aria-ashryver, @thosehallowedhalls for sharing your thoughts on joaquin (+ @oh-so-youre-a-nerd for helping me gain some feedback over on reddit)

i've had time to digest everything and am prepared to share my perspective on things

---

the primary reason why i sought out opinions on joaquin was simple: it'd been some time since i played book 2 of loa and i needed a quick way to regain my grasp on his character

joaquin's character is shrouded in mystery, that much is clear from the submissions i received

there's a lot of space left for one's interpretations to run wild. were joaquin's intentions pure? was he really on mc's side? or did he have his sights on something higher? this ambiguity seems to be a strength for his character- the trait that draws people in (both positively and negatively)

reading through all these analyses of joaquin, i've realized how he and enid (my oc) are really two sides of the same coin. they're both cunning, opportunistic... it leaves me with the dilemma of figuring out how enid (believably) outwits someone who is just as manipulative as she is*

*[for context: my plan for these two involves enid taking advantage of her past (romantic) ties with joaquin to sign clients from mcgraw byrne. this is subject to change, but that's what i have so far] a future exchange between the two: J: You know what's funny? I genuinely thought that I'd be your line. E: Why on earth would you ever think such a thing? J: Because you were mine.

some advice i remember reading somewhere: if your character is strong, put them in a situation where they're weak. if they're usually happy, show them in a state of sadness. explore their vulnerabilities to add texture to their personality

for joaquin, that means giving him a blind spot- something, or someone that brings him out of his perceived untrustworthiness. my fear, however, is that by doing this, i lose what makes joaquin joaquin 😭

what started as a simple ask turned into me trying to uncover joaquin's true motives. have i figured it out? not exactly, but i am closer than i was before. what i know is that there's enough of us out there that wanted more from his character and it's about time someone attempted to lift the veil. i just hope i can do him justice

if you made it to the end, you're rad and i appreciate you. thanks for indulging my ramblings🖤

[writingonleaves]

Hi I don't know if you've seen the video of Jack and that girl skating tonight yet but it got me thinking. Could you possibly talk about how fans react to Nico and Clementine if that makes sense? How do they find out? unless these are all spoilers of course🙏🏼 Love your stuff!

hi! yes i did see that video which i think is very cute tbh so good for him! please fix his hair babe and drop the link to the jeans they were cute. i really do appreciate this question for a multitude of reasons so thank you actually for asking so i can indulge myself haha

so i've actually thought about this a lot, as someone who is myself a fan and has been a part of many different fandoms (hockey is by Far not my first. i was on one direction tumblr back in the day and am convinced it prepared me for Everything). i always find it interesting as someone who's a Part of one but doesn't always engage if that makes sense.

my point is, below is how i think it would go (no big spoilers), and it's based off of hope, my experiences with what i (and im sure a lot of you guys) have seen and being realistic.

so Clem's instagram is private. that's important. and in my world, i don't think she ever goes public, even when getting together with nico and getting married (this is a spoiler but not really...you think im not gonna make them stay together? please).

okay so we've seen how people start assuming things based on who the guys follow on ig, right? so nico follows clem a few weeks after meeting her, but no one really cares. because people have done their basic research and anyone who's followed the hughes for a few years know that clem is a hughes and a family friend. its the same energy as jack following nina on ig. no one blinks an eye.

they start dating april 2024, and no one is really thinking anything. nina does follow her in the summer, which raises a few eyebrows, but nothing crazy.

clem does a semi hard launch on her ig over the summer, but again, she's private and none of her friends are snitches, so no one in the general public knows anything

we don't really know (or at least i don't) how nico is when he's a relationship because i don't believe he's been in one the general public knows about since going pro (again, could be wrong, but this is all based off my own knowledge). for example, trevor just did a hard story launch, jack did a semi one with a post when he was with sienna, etc etc.

saying that, i think speculation really starts when nicole (jesper's gf) starts following clem on ig sometime in late summer 2024 or right before the season starts. we know nico and jesper are close enough to travel in the off season together, so that's big. people start noticing that other devs players like timo and jesper start following her. blaring siren horns. that's pretty much confirmation

the hockey fights cancer article is released in the 2024-2025 season, so peopele are like oh damn nico bagged himself a beautiful, smart doctor?? good for him. move aside buddy. that kind of stuff.

hard launch on nico's end? this instagram post. they've been dating for a bit over a year already at this point. everyone goes nuts as they do

and then i imagine it's kinda like, generally good? obviously you're gonna have some crazies being weird, but people Love that narrative of clem growing up with the hughes and now dating nico

she's not as public facing as other significant others in the league, but i imagine behind closed doors she eventually does embrace the role of being the captain's girlfriend (which i hope to write about at some point). i picture something like her and nico helping out a family financially receiving treatment in the hospital when finding out they're devils fans. very behind closed doors, but extremely sweet and thoughtful. one of the kids she's treating is a huge jack fan? immediate signed jersey and tickets to the next devils game. that kind of stuff.

bc clementine knows how important all of this is. and shes always known.

and then its the typical stuff. she's spotted at games, during playoffs with the iconic wag jackets, family skates, christmas parties, various ig stories from the hugheses, nico, nicole, etc etc.

in terms of games, yes she does join the family and friends boxes once in awhile, but she absolutely LOVES being in the action. so most of the time, she's out sitting with fans. it's great. she's shotgunned many a beer with fans. devs fans adore her bc she really is one of them and doesn’t shy away from that. many say a captain + their SO represent the organization. she and nico do it perfectly.

i hope this answer was what you were looking for. this was so long winded and i apologize for that, but i did want to think out my answer because i think it's important and fun to think about!! thank you so so much for asking❤️

[starryjeekies]

Hi sweetie. May I request OT8 kinks for stray kids? Ty💙

a/n: hi. oops. i've been gone for quite some time. long story short I didn't have access to my medication for about 2 months and it didn't help my mental state at all. now I am back on them and will be starting off small with writing some blurbs and trying to finish my asks that I can actually create ideas for. this one is one that'll be easier for me to complete as I come back into the writing scene!

Bang Chan:

Cockwarming {receiving}

Orgasm Control {giving}

Praise {giving/receiving}

Chan was so easy to pick out some kinks for. I don't doubt this man loves cockwarming but in an "innocent" way. Like most people don't get it until you do it, but sometimes feeling full with your lover's dick inside you is comforting as hell and he would definitely offer it up for the first time before you start asking for it. The orgasm control would definitely come as a way for you to get the most pleasure out of your intimacy, him whispering, "Not yet, you can hold out a little longer, yeah?" and MAN would he dote on you while drilling you. He also loves it when you tell him how good he's making you feel, it'll probably make him fuck you harder if anything. STROKE HIS EGO CUZ HE WON'T!

Lee Know:

Thigh Riding {receiving}

Cuckolding

Edging {giving}

hhhhhhhhhh okay i have so many issues cuz it was hard to just narrow down three for him. This m a n has the prettiest thighs ever, he's got a lot of muscle. I don't doubt he would make you ride his thigh before you can ride his cock. And the cuckolding is definitely influenced by my Double Trouble fic, like he'd be so smug watching you get fucked by someone else, relishing in the new view he gets to see. Wouldn't be too often as it's gotta be someone you're both comfortable with but once you've found someone, phew. And Lino is a little shit so he would definitely edge you until you are sobbing with the whole purpose is to fuck you dumb.

Changbin:

Impact Play {giving}

Breath Play {giving}

Manhandling {giving}

This man is a dom. I take no criticism. I have no doubt in my mind that he loves to spank you, in the bedroom and outside. Outside the bedroom would be flirty, but inside the bedroom he aims to make marks. He also definitely has a kink with his strength/power so hence why breath play is on there. Obvi it would be with your consent and he wouldn't aim to hurt you by any means with it, just wanting control. And the manhandling i MEAN he would throw you over his shoulder, fuck you against a wall, bend you like a pretzel simply because he can and he wants to show you he can. He's gonna talk to you super sweetly while he handles you like a ragdoll.

Hyunjin:

Shibari/Bondage {giving/receiving}

Blindfolds {giving/receiving}

Exhibitionism

See I get like. super switch vibes from him. but still sub leaning so this was kinda hard. Shibari/Bondage is a no brainer though because if you're tied up, he would love to sketch you. In fact he would probably have a sketch book dedicated to the different patterns. If he's tied up then he would definitely be the perfect pillow prince. Blindfolds would be fun either way because of the anticipation; the thrill of not knowing what the other could do with a feather, a flogger, fingers, u g h. And I don't doubt that this man is secretly into showing off for others. If he moans too loudly in the dorms or someone sees you two sneak away in the company building, he likes to be risky and wouldn't honestly mind if he did get caught since he's already in the mood.

Han:

Corruption {receiving}

Breeding/Creampie {giving}

Roleplay {giving/receiving}

Here is where things started to get harder (haha puns). So I don't think Han is 100% sub by any means. Just inexperienced. If you take the ropes to show him the world of kinks and bdsm and sex, I think he would let you take the reigns. He would be down to try many things, even if he would be shy, but I guarantee 6 months down the line he will be just as kinky as you are. One of his favorite things he discovers is a breeding kink. The one thing he loves to mark you with is his cum. He's messy and will drool watching it pour out of your holes. Also to have a little fun would be roleplay! I think it would take him a minute to be serious and into the role but as we see in the SKZ shenanigans, he's a born actor.

Felix:

Cock Ring

Auralism {giving/receiving}

Toys {giving/receiving}

Tiny Felix. He looks so precious and cute and you just wanna pinch his freckled cheeks. I don't think he's not kinky, his are just a little more muted. For example, having the cock ring on for you when you ask him to so you can have a beautiful dick to ride or will put it on right before date night so he can dick you down into pleasure. He also probably has a think for your voice. Your moans, your praises, gasps, he will drink up everything. You can expect him to have really pretty moans and grunts too, deep grunts when he's dom and sweet moans when he's sub. Also, I expect him to have a plethora of toys to your disposal to use for yourself and him. Once a month, you two go shopping for a new on to try out on the next date night.

Seungmin:

Dacryphilia

Temperature Play {giving}

Humiliation {giving}

He's a huge brat. Huge tease. He is ready to push every and all buttons that you have. If you got 3 rounds and you're oversensitive, squirming, getting fucked dumb, and you start to cry from it being so good? You get that's going to drive him over the edge to his first orgasm of the night cuz this boy has wicked stamina. I think he would be a little bit more vanilla BUT one thing he likes to use is either wax or an ice cube. Dripping hot wax on your chest, seeing how it rises and falls with the heat, or the way you shiver when he drags an ice cube down your tummy. Oh and don't even get me started on the humiliation part of it. He's a tease, we know this. However I don't think the humiliation comes in until you're being close to fucked dumb, swallowing his cock, legs shaking from the orgasms you've had, he'll hit you with a "pretty little whore" and it's all over.

I.N:

Somnophilia {giving/receiving}

Pet Play {receiving}

Voyerism

Consent. Is. Key. So Jeongin would definitely ask for your permission to fuck you slowly and deeply while you slept. He would love to see your peaceful face twist up in pleasure, your dreams turning naughty. And he would encourage you to do the same, to use his cock for your own pleasure while he's sound asleep. The pet play, though, is something he saw on the internet once, suggested you try it, and he immediately fell for it. Seeing you with the cute ear and collar sets that he'll buy you every couple of months to see a new color on you, you being a good little baby and listening to him like a good pet should, makes him weak in the knees. Especially while you're in your pet gear, he loves to watch you. He wants you to play with yourself just for him and his eyes only. He doesn't like to share what's his (affectionately of course).

[theoxenfree]

So, I haven't written any of my original fiction in a while. Couldn't. Lots of issues that wouldn't let me touch it. But since seeing your writing here on Tumblr, your raw talent, how you persevere and just keep striving to be the best writer you can be ... I've taken up my pen again, and am re-visiting some original pieces I'd been working on years ago. So, thank you Cort. Your presence and your tenacity DOES have an impact.

ah, man, I wasn't expecting to get emotional today and yet here I am. this was so remarkably kind and amazing of you to say, rahu, and I can't fully articulate it thru words but it means a lot to me. tremendously.

like, I've never been a popular writer, and I don't know if I'll ever intend to get my work published or not (tbh id probs be a massive headache for a tradpublisher and agent), and I'll be honest, I don't actually know what the quality of my work is like.

but, I will give myself the credit that I am an insanely tenacious person and I write bc I'm passionate about it. it's been 20 years and I still do it. I've gone on multiple hiatuses in that time, but the itch to write always comes back full force. whenever I wasn't writing, I was miserable and always thinking about trying again.

I've always strived to improve at the craft, to always try my best, and to what end? I don't know. I write for free. publishing seems more daunting than it's worth. and, believe you me, when I was still writing for fandom, there were plenty of times I wanted to trash this entire hobby bc what I want to write—what matters to me to write—are not what ppl on fandom are looking for (which is fine, mind you)

and, even though I've arguably put myself in a far more difficult position by writing exclusively xreader fic on a site that still doesn't really lean towards the sort of writing I'm doing—im happier. I feel more inspired.

lately, I've been trying to challenge myself more by exploring different styles, try different characters and scenarios. I am still trying to improve, trying to do more than my best bc I love this craft

writing is so deeply ingrained into just about every facet of myself as a person at this point, that to do anything but continually strive to be better, do better, learn more, push myself further would be a massive disservice.

but, honestly, what you wrote to me really surmises perfectly what it means to be a writer at the end of the day. I don't expect to have any sort of massive impact, but if I'm able to use my skills to encourage other writers, help them find courage in themselves to keep trying, learning, do more, be their best—i think I've done something right.

I'm very honored to be on the receiving end of the things you've said here, and I am 100000% behind you all the way with your original pieces and persevering even in the times where you may ask yourself, "why? what's the point?"

your original work is worth the time and the effort, and I hope to hear more about your progress in the future!!

you've really helped to remind me what being a writer is all about with this. ty, my friend 💕💕💕💕💕🫂

[candiid-caniine]

Hello lovely! I hope you're doing good!♡ (Sorry if you don't wanna be called that!!)

I was wondering how you vch piercing is healing and all that. I really want to get this piercing but I want to see how it's like for someone who already has it. Yknow? Here's some questions:

Did it hurt really really bad or was it not that bad? For context I have a medium pain tolerance. Have you had any significant problems with it? Would you recommend this piercing to a friend? How much did it cost for you to get? I know price depends place to place ofc. How long do you feel it took to heal? If it has yet! And any pros or cons?

If you're not comfortable with answering I understand! Thank you for your time. I hope you have a beautiful wonderful day♡

(Can I perhaps be " 🎀🍓 " anon??)

awaaa hi yourself, lovely!! (absolutely <3 being called that ty for checking tho!!)

i'm not at all uncomfy with answering!! and ofc that can be your anon signoff <3

talk of piercing + piercing aftermath under the cut!

so, here's the DL on your VCH questions:

pain level: extremely minimal! the thing that hurt the worst was being clamped (which was a bad sign - i've learned since then that people who know their shit piercing VCH will use a receiving tube, not clamps, so ask your piercer about their process during a consultation appointment and then make your decision!) i have my nostril, 2 cartilage, 6 lobe, and a vertical labret piercing on my lip. of those piercings, the vch and lip hurt the least. there's no cartilage to go thru, and even though we think of the clit as a very sensitive area, the hood of it, when it's isolated, isn't super sensitive for most. your anatomy and your pain tolerance will differ, but as a piercing veteran, the vch was the least painful!

problems with it: unfortunately, my vch rejected about two months after it'd healed (y'all can fact check me on this, i'm guesstimating). i *don't* think it was necessarily inherent to the VCH; rejection can happen to anyone for various reasons, but (afaik) is more of a risk when a piercing is more surface-based, like an eyebrow piercing. what i think happened: i think my piercer placed it too low on my clit hood; the top ball should have been higher up. this, combined with a poor jewelry fit and, uh, the fact that that area gets a lot of friction...probably contributed to the rejection. i took it out once i noticed because i didn't want to tear. as i mentioned above, my piercer used a technique that is *not* considered best practice by genital piercing professionals. (she's an excellent piercer otherwise, i love her, but now i know genitals are not her strong suit.)

another problem: due to the friction (not necessarily me rubbing it, more so clothing, my spouse's pelvic bone, etc), the ball was constantly coming loose, prompting a frantic hunt in the bedsheets/my laundry basket for the missing piece...pain in the fucking ass, but i think it also depends on your anatomy!

something that *wasn't* a problem that i expected to be: i don't think it ever once got caught on anything. once or twice, i had a pube get sort of wound around it, but since i was touching it...all the time...soooo much >.> i usually noticed pretty quick lmaoooo

i would recommend this piercing (done well, taken good care of) to a friend wanting a little bling downstairs and a little extra stimulation!

mine cost $100. but it's common to cost more than that from genital-specialty piercers, and for good reasons; i think my piercer priced it reasonably (small town economy + again, she didn't do a *great* job) but expect to pay more. that said, never equate cost with quality: ask your piercer...

where they learned to do a VCH

their process (receiving tube vs. clamps)

if they have any photographs of completed VCHs they've done. to assess all these best practices, check Elaine Angel's website. she basically invented the best practices, and she has plenty of good and bad example piercings for most types of genital piercings!

it took ~2 weeks before i'd say it was fully healed. most piercers caution you to wait 4-6 weeks for full healing; my body (and what i consider "healed"), as well as my new piercing aftercare routine, are specific to me. but for most people, it's <6 weeks. the rejection didn't happen until after healing. as far as healing the piercing *hole*, after taking it out, i don't notice any difference; there's maybe a pock mark sort of thing, or dimple? but it's not a "hole" anymore. just a mark, and there's not any scarring or tissue that irritates my clitoris, given i took it out so fast!

pros!

if you have my specific kinks, you are not gonna want to wait to start touching yourself >.> you can browse through my #kinky mods tag (tagged on this post for easy access) for a play-by-play of how fucked up it got me lmao.

as in, even tho it ached, i touched that shit the second day (gently) and had the craziest ruined orgasm of my life.

there is really something to be said for the tiny, itty bitty piece of stimulation achieved by the barbell under your hood.

also really something to be said about the balls themselves sliding over your clit when you rub with your fingers ;-;

vibrator against the barbell = weirdest overstim in the world.

heals fast; lots of cool jewelry options out there; doesn't hurt very much [compared to my other piercings, ymmv].

cons:

can be expensive to get one that's done properly.

you do eventually stop being as sensitive to the new stimulation. however, most people just switch jewelry to change things up after awhile, so nbd.

that said, jewelry change can be a bitch. it's hard to do that shit on your clitoris. you may find yourself needing to go to your piercer for jewelry changes, but many piercers offer this service at cost of jewelry/even free of charge, depending.

if you lose a piece of your jewelry, you might cry. lol. keep backups on hand. (my piercer, bless her fucking heart, has incredible aftercare services - she will literally drive to the shop at 1 am if your jewelry falls in the toilet. yes, she gives her clients her personal cell number. bless up, J, you can't pierce a clit worth a damn but you love what you do!)

how do i say this,, u know how. a new piercing might sort of get crusty. esp if you don't clean it often (follow ur aftercare instructions! always!!!!!) but uh. my regular aftercare did not prepare me for the crust being *under* the clit hood. it wasn't much, and it came off when i downsized jewelry, but eugh. it should be minimal, anyway, but still, don't be surprised.

the swelling was mainly the thing, in the hours after i got it pierced, but it didn't hurt worse than, say, biting the inside of your cheek really hard when you're chomping down on food - just that sort of ache you get. honestly i've had worse clit pain in the aftermath of being clamped, tho.

hope this helped ;-; i know it was a lot but y'all know me, i tend to go ham on these general/educational/experience questions. you're following an autistic puppy, what'd you expect? <3

[01ichika-jc]

hwlo.!!! Hai!! I'm not sure if this account is where you prefer asks being sent to but. how are we feeling about the new bloomfes fragment Sekai story mechanic where the character TURNS INTO their younger self (at least, the human characters) and goes through all of their past memories? Because personally I think *loud sobbing and sniffling noises as I pace around my room* /pos

(I can receive asks from either one but I'm less serious(...?) on this one. More ramblings and whatnot)

I immediately did 300000 backflips in my mind when that happened. Breaking: Tumblr user light-sound-jc/01ichika-jc is going insane about jc.

One of my longest speculations for Saki's fes since it was taking so long to drop is that Saki could go back in time and visit herself from back when she was hospitalized. It didn't happen (I unrelatedly liked Saki fes for the visual callback to NSNF in the trained card) but now that Kanade's fes2 has dropped the absolute bomb that it did, we could get this and more. And that's amazing

There are soooooo many other characters where the implications of this new bloomfes development could be CRAZY. An telling her younger self about RAD BLAST, about VBS/Kohane in general, Minori telling her younger self about MMJ (and especially her personal run-in with Haruka), Rui telling his younger self about WxS... it's absolutely catastrophic. In a very good way

I've been wondering about things for Ichika because... hmm. How do I put this without sounding crazy. Leoni's first arc (Stella, Doubts, TwiPara, RWY) was centered on the girls' thoughts about being back together and how it's been affecting their emotional states. This involved a lot of tying the past back into the present especially in the case of Stella. But Ichika conspicously never got an event for this arc. Even still we haven't really looked into Ichika's psyche like we have for the others. LWM teases us with the prospect but it doesn't go into depth. I would say the closest we have right now is Ichika's initial 4* card story and that was four years ago at this point. Even Ichika's fes didn't touch on this the way that HonaShiho's fes did. And Shiho and Saki have entire middle school backstory events

I've been thinking if my fever dream of an Ichika MS event (wow I wonder why Tumblr user 01ichika-jc wants to see that!) doesn't come true then Ichika's fes2 may finally answer the questions that have been eating at me since forever about why the game keeps dancing around Ichika's past and her feelings towards it

Also, I see this image in my dreams. I see this image every time I close my eyes. I'm haunted by this image.

[porcelainpillowprince]

about me .ᐟ ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁⋆｡𖦹°⭒˚｡⋆

read before following .ᐟ ★.˚𖦹｡⋆

hello !! you can call me myung (mi-ung) ! i'm 19, i use it/its , im a trans male + some xenos ! im a bottom leaning switch and 90% of posts will be bottom themed. this is a nblm/mlm centric account!!!!!

this is my silly little blog to get all of my horny brainrot out :] check below the cut for dni, kinks, and my plans for this account !

! as well as a surprise at the bottom wink wink ;]

ty for stopping by !

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‧₊˚.𖥔 dni ⋆˙ᝰ.ᐟ

hard kinks , r4peplay / cnc , women , fem-aligned , minors , ageless or empty page , chasers , fujoshi , ed blogs , people interested in flirting with me / sexting / relationship

all of these are insta-block on interaction (like, follow, reblog etc.) .ᐟ

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‧₊˚.𖥔 kinks ⋆˙ᝰ.ᐟ

"yes .ᐟ" ★.˚𖦹｡⋆

praise/degradation , dacryphilia , somno , overstimulation , desperation , begging , light bondage , creampies , breeding (no preg) , biting , petplay (some aspects not all) , marking , orgasm control/denial , royalty , vampirism , cockwarming , possession , soft objectification (i am literally a doll lol) , free use (in specific contexts) , manhandling/wrestling

( may add more later .ᐟ )

"no .ᐟ" ★.˚𖦹｡⋆

any hard or violent kinks , non-con , dub-con , drugging , omorashi/piss cnc , rapeplay , detrans , misgendering , torture , scat , gore , impact (receiving) , inflation , incest , vomit , hypno , gangbang/threesome/polyamory , primal , anything dead dove/taboo , any usage of "daddy" regardless of ddlb/g involvement.

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‧₊˚.𖥔 terms ⋆˙ᝰ.ᐟ

terms/ names i enjoy and am likely to use in my posts .ᐟ

- your highness

- (my) prince

- pretty boy

- good boy

- cuntboy

- slut

- (stupid/pretty) mutt

- (stupid/pretty) dog

- (sex) doll

- (sex) toy

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‧₊˚.𖥔 asks ⋆˙ᝰ.ᐟ

my rules for asks are fairly simple and i love answering questions .ᐟ

yes .ᐟ ★.˚𖦹｡⋆

ask questions about my blog or me , request specific writings or share ideas , ask my opinion or input on certain kinks or scenes (i enjoy learning about new things so pls share your favorites!) , ask for longer writings or for me to expand on a previous post

hmm.. ★.˚𖦹｡⋆

ask to promote your blog (i gotta check it out first but usually yes!!!) .

no .ᐟ ★.˚𖦹｡⋆

ask for me to post photos of myself publicly or share privately , ask for onlyfans or other social medias , sending r4pe threats or any threats of physical or sexual abuse . not cool dude.

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i highly doubt anyone has scrolled this far but hello!!!! hi!!!! thank you for checking my blog out!!! it means a lot to me!! so here's a super secret code word you can send in my asks for a free mini fic of your choosing !! just send " pocketwatch " and include a prompt or suggestion and i'll do what i can!!

my posts are light hearted nsfw writings both short and long form (when i get the time lol). i won't post any violent kinks or scenarios so you're safe with me here !! my posts are very in-the-moment and occasionally sappy and romantic because i don't see alot of that stuff!!! so i've taken matters into my own hands !! i don't take things to seriously here so i may often re/post stupid things or cute photos as well since this is my only account currently! (my last FOUR. accounts have been deleted so i refuse to leave this one sigh) (i may eventually start a sideblog for aesthetics or fandom things though!!!!! but we'll see!!)

i really do hope you enjoy reading ! i always love feedback on what you think or any ideas you'd want me to ramble about (i do love talking lol) my ask box is always open and i'd be grateful if you left any fun concepts , silly messages , or just a "hey i like your posts!" i do have some limits on what i will write but if you're unsure then don't be afraid to message me or drop it in anyways and ill always reply !! im very friendly don't be scared i don't bite (my posts say otherwise but i promise i wont bite you guys).

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[ofgods]

   ❝  YOU'RE WELL LOVED, AND RIGHTFULLY SO, so that doesn't surprise me one bit. what it does do, however, is stroke my ego.  ❞    curly locks are tossed over her shoulder and she shimmies them before her head falls back with a laugh.   ❝  but i also feel like you're challenging me. are you? sounds like i've still got a lot of work to do if i want to be your number one.  ❞   not that that's important to her, of course. when they were together, her competitive nature and desire to be the best at something was non-existent. all that mattered was him, that he was happy. regardless of where their relationship is now, that truth still exists.   ❝  i think that has more to do with who you are as a person than it does me, but thank you for thinking so.  ❞

   her eyes widen slightly and she works to tamper her elation brought on by the words for you.   ❝  really? oh, you don't need to do that. do people even like shortbread here that isn't in the form of the infamous girl scout cookie?  ❞   she doesn't know the dessert market here. or anywhere, truthfully, but the book she read took place in scotland. which, if she remembers, is where that originated from.   ❝  what if you go through the trouble and no one buys them?  ❞   though it's likely just a blip in the overall picture, his thoughtfulness hasn't been earned. not yet. and the thought of him adding to his already busy work load doesn't sit right with her.   ❝  actually, let your boss know that if she gives you the okay for that, i'll buy every single one if they aren't selling like everything else. how's that?  ❞   that may happen anyway, but backup plans are nice things to have. she reaches out, a hand coming to rest on his arm momentarily.    ❝  i'm looking forward to it too, truly.  ❞

   her mouth smiles around the words as her eyes narrow playfully,    ❝  marcus, is this your way of telling me you dream about having three a.m. waffles with me too?  ❞   should she be flirting? one could argue that no, she absolutely shouldn't be. is that going to stop her? no, especially not when not doing it means asking how many times he's dreamt of her since she left only to wake up again to her absence because she can't stop herself from being the curious cat. she doesn't want to be the reason for his hurt anymore.   ❝  nah, but really. whenever works for you, works for me―and please know you don't need to wait until then to reach out either. not unless you want to, obviously.  ❞  

   she chuckles softly, swallowing the declaration of love she has the urge to share. old habits die hard, she thinks, remembering all the times she'd just watch him exist beside her and suddenly become overwhelmed with tenderness for him that she needed to vocalise it; brushing his teeth half asleep, laughing at a movie, vacuuming, making them glass of chocolate milk and indulging her preference for crazy straws, tying his shoes, checking the produce at the grocery store, eating his favourite dessert... all the small, mundane moments everyone takes for granted.   ❝  oh? well, in that case, i'm glad i could be of service. and i'm sure she'd literally never think you meant it that way, even if she overheard you say it.  ❞   she's relieved to know his mother is the intended receiver of the flowers, though she worries how she might feel if she knew aurea was the one who put them together.   ❝  you can be here with me for my whole shift if you wanted. i mean, i wouldn't suggest it because i think it'd be even more boring for you than running your errands and i'd probably put you and your muscles to work, but it's nice being with you.  ❞   it always has been.   ❝  is ma doing well?  ❞

"Oh definitely. Don't get me wrong, it had some stiff competition, but I would confidently place it in my top five, and on the higher end of that as well." It wasn't as if other people hadn't made birthdays special before, there was just something about spending special occasions with her that made them shine a little brighter. The same could be said about any ordinary day as well. Marcus went back and forth between trying to filter what he said and simply saying what was on his mind. What he should and shouldn't say felt a little hazy in the midst of a conversation that made it feel like they hadn't just spent months out of each other's lives. He hesitated for a moment before letting out what kept bouncing around in his mind. "Well, you always made it easy. You deserve to feel special," because she was special, not just to him but in a general sense, "so it comes naturally." Even after how things ended between them and regardless of her reasons for it, he still believed and meant what he said. And he thought it was important that she knew that because as hurt as he was over what happened, he still thought she deserved the best the world had to offer. He felt his smile widen a little when she used the present tense as well as it fed into the hope that maybe they weren't completely out of each other's lives like he had believed before running into her.

He already knew they were going to meet up again in the future on a different occasion, but it didn't stop him from beaming at the promise and the smile paired with it. "In that case, I'll make sure there are some lavender and lemon shortbread things there for you." Even if the bakery didn't originally plan for the item, he was sure he could run it by his boss, who seemed fairly understanding, without any issues. They were going to have the right ingredients laying around anyway. There was another soft laugh from him as he got lost in the past again. His co-workers were no more immune to hearing Marcus carry on and on about her than his friends and family were. He was sure anytime she showed up at the bakery that they knew that the next few conversations with him would revolve around her, and as they got more serious, his excitement over their engagement. It only felt right to talk that much about who he loved. "You make a very good point. Assuming it's as successful as everyone is hoping it'll be, I might not get the chance to do much but wave back, but I'm looking forward to it."

The urge to thank her again came bubbling back, but he held his tongue this time and kept it to himself. It may have been a small gesture in the grand scheme of things, but he appreciated that she wanted to offer an explanation and that it could happen on his time. Not that he had any intention on waiting too long if it could be helped, even if a part of him was admittedly a little nervous about what she might have to say. "As tempting as three a.m. waffles sound, I'll try to stick to a reasonable hour for both our sakes. I'd feel bad if I dragged you out in the middle of the night only to be half awake the whole time and not entirely convinced I didn't dream the whole thing up the next morning." Half a laugh followed his words. He meant it though, it was only right that he picked a time where he when he'd be alert enough to give her his full attention.

"Oh, right!" Unsurprisingly, whatever he originally came in for along with the rest of his plans for the day completely slipped his mind until she brought it up again. "You haven't wasted any of my time." He rarely felt any conversation he had was a waste of time, but the sentiment was especially true for her. She could've given him a detailed explanation of something he didn't have any interest in himself and he would still think it was time well spent. "You haven't really kept me from anything important either. I was just out running a bunch of boring errands today, so if anything you helped me put them off a little longer. Well, aside from this one. I can't see my mom being super appreciative of me accidentally referring to getting her flowers as boring or unimportant." He was sure she would understand that wasn't his intent though. "But yeah, I should probably get that and let you get back to work." He had also almost completely forgotten they were at her workplace until now.

[my-mt-heart]

"Can you please thank secret friend for being such a great source of comfort and knowledge 🥰 makes me feel so much better knowing that someone in the industry is looking out for us and loves caryl as much as we do. Gives me hope that maybe the caryl spinoff is still in discussion! Caryl on!"

TY <3 I'm happy if I've been helpful to anyone's critical thinking process. I feel like I always show up because MT goes, "...could you...?" and then I end up saying something depressing. I never get to talk about the fun stuff, i.e. the characters or the story—not that the season's been very fun so far, but I love both Carol and Daryl, and their world. (Gimple's 'universe,' not so much.)

Another reason why the Caryl spinoff should still be in play:

McReedus is a brand in itself. Their friendship is part of what makes Caryl resonate with viewers and if you can build a long-term, loyal fanbase around how close individual cast members are, that's extremely valuable to a production. It'll sustain the show when it's beginning to age and viewers find new things to watch. I've said it before, but chemistry like what Melissa and Norman have doesn't come in a can. If you've struck gold, the showrunner should lean in unashamedly because that chemistry will be the spine of the show.

For a story where the characters are supposed to have a close, decade long bond, chemistry goes a long way but nothing beats a genuine friendship between the actors that spans over a decade. There's already the built-in trust that's important to actors when they have to be emotionally vulnerable in a scene, the sense that your scene partner/coworker will have your back. On a new show, it takes time to cultivate and you don't know how well cast members will hit it off, or how that'll translate on screen.

"She gives me a lot to think about too, since I’m still pretty sheltered from the business side of things."

Knowing the business side comes in handy, even before you're a showrunner because you become mindful of such dreary things as the budget when you pitch ideas for the season. (Your boss will love you forever if your ideas—brilliant and creative as they are!—fit the size of the wallet. :P) It also makes it easier to get promoted to the enviable stage where people on the internet start saying things like, "your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries," despite not knowing the first thing about you or what your job entails. Showbiz is glamorous lol

[SF]

(PS. Why do my asks always end up so long when I'm not even talking about creative stuff?)

I don't think you'd be nearly as "depressing" if the business wasn't so depressing right now :/ I also find myself wishing I could talk more about the characters and story like I used to.

I remember Michael Cudlitz saying Norman and Melissa sometimes have too much chemistry and I find myself scratching my head at that regularly. What is too much chemistry? :P

I at least have the basics down like don't pitch for the characters to go to space. And somehow have also received at least a handful of insulting, but oddly entertaining DM's from fans.

[littlefireofhestia]

hi! i'm sage and i was going through the "hestia devotee" tag and found a post of yours that said you were open for questions about her. i don't know how old that post is or if you're still taking questions, you can ignore this if you're not, but since i'm here i wanted to talk/ask about something.

i'm a baby witch (like the babiest of babies, almost a new born) and most of my experience is through reading and watching since i don't currently have time or resources to do any practice other than lighting incenses or candles or working with crystals. and i definitely don't know any form of divination, like tarot or pendulum, that would allow me to do actual deity work and properly communicate with them.

the thing is, i've researched deities from multiple pantheons multiple times, mostly out of curiosity, but the moment i came across a prayer to hestia my heart skipped a beat and i immediately felt a kind of comfort. it could have been nothing, but i still researched all i could about her and just. i've never felt this drawn to a deity before, much less felt a pull to actually worship one. but i feel very much that way about her.

i looked up ways to honour her and i'm genuinely shocked at how happy it's been making me. i'm finding joy in domestic activities i used to loathe, like washing the dishes or helping with house cleaning. i tried baking a cake all by myself for the first time and lit an orange candle for her while doing it. it turned out absolutely delicious, i discovered i actually really enjoy baking and even started my own cook notebook with some of my grandma's old recipes. i make a point to always tie my hair back when i'm doing something that makes me think of her or in her honour, like making tea or baking or making dinner for my family or cleaning, because i saw people talking about how she appreciates veiling but i don't know how to do it so i just tie my hair in a bun instead of putting on a scarf. and i used to hate tying my hair, but now i feel very good about it!

i've always struggled with feeling connected to religion and never really understood how that could bring peace to someone, but i haven't felt this grounded or loving towards my family and pets or in peace with myself as much as i have since i started doing things as acts of devotion to hestia.

now, on to the actual problem: i'm scared it's all in my head. i'm worried i'm not enough of a witch to worship a deity yet, since i'm still trying to learn ways of communication and can't directly ask her if she's with me. i'm scared that the little things i'm doing aren't enough and the comfort and faith i feel while doing them are my imagination and not actually her watching over me and appreciating my effort.

anyways, i'm really sorry for dumping these worries on you but i didn't see many hestia related blogs and i really needed to ask someone about this. is what i'm doing enough of a worship right now? do you have any tips on how to worship her better? thank you!

Hi Sage! I don’t know when you sent this ask so I’m sorry if it’s been a while since you sent it and my response is late. When I read this ask for the first time I nearly cried tears of joy. Before anything I do want to say that you’re doing amazing sweetie!

I’m always open to questions about Hestia.

First off, there is no prerequisite to worshipping deities. I am admittedly not a witch and worship the gods exclusively for religious reasons and not for witchcraft. I have not learned many divination methods yet (although I have used the very handy Greek Alphabet Oracle a few times) and my rituals are still relatively basic, mostly not even occurring on an altar. But I have felt Hestia. I have been in her presence. I have received dreams from other deities and signs. None of this is required to happen to believe in or worship the theoi, but I just want to assure you that beyond doing some research to figure out who you want to pray to and how to do prayer and ritual, there are no prerequisites to worship. My first prayer to Hestia was literally me throwing a scarf over my head and talking to her in the dark with a flashlight to represent a flame. No formal structure. Didn’t even know how to correctly hold my hands yet. And still she accepted me.

The vibe you get from Hestia is very much similar to my experience. I’ve been drawn to her for YEARS but didn’t know I could worship her. But she’s always felt like home and comfort and just right for me. I never ever had a reason why she was my favorite deity before becoming pagan. She just was. My connection to Hestia has been a fact for over a decade that I just didn’t know was religious until a year and a half ago. Me wondering if I could worship her is the reason why I started researching Hellenic Polytheism in the first place. She brought me to this faith and I am so thankful to her for that.

You finding joy in domestic activities you used to hate is something I’ve discovered through Hestia too, although it’s still a journey I’m early on due to depression and physical disability and having a lot of work to do on figuring out how to make things accessible for me. I’m excited to go further for and with Hestia.

I understand the thought about it being all in your head. I had those thoughts early in my practice too. Basically, belief is a process. It takes time to switch from whatever religious thought (or lack thereof) that you grew up with to polytheism and worshipping a variety of deities or even just one deity, and from there to truly believing in them. I’ve been practicing for a year and a half and it probably took me at least nine months to truly feel secure in my faith in the theoi. Research, pray, do ritual, devote acts to the gods, think about the gods, notice the influence of the theoi in your daily life, and gradually that belief will solidify. You may or may not receive signs, which may or may not speed this process up. I promise, if you want to believe in the gods, in Hestia, it just takes time.

Also on feeling that you aren’t doing enough, the video at the bottom of this post (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=odhRRYqQo8Y) might help. And I promise: you are doing enough, you are enough, just as you are.

Now as for worship tips. You are honestly doing great so far. Thinking of her while doing household chores and tasks or dedicating those tasks for her is a great way to worship her. I’d also recommend checking out her Homeric and Orphic hymns, one translation of which can be found here, and a copy of the Homeric hymns can likely be found at a local bookstore or definitely through online ordering. The Homeric hymns can also start to teach you some stuff about prayer structure, but prayer doesn’t have to be formal. Sometimes I just sit and talk to Hestia, or to any of my other deities. Tell them about my day, thank them for things in my life or the world, and sometimes asking them for things (although I find that I ask for aid much more rarely than when I prayed as the Catholic I was raised to be). I also have perpetually in progress playlists I have made for my deities, and if I want to spend some non-ritual time just focusing on a deity I’ll put on their playlist and read something religious or talk in religious discords. I actually had my most profound spiritual experience with Hestia while doing this.

Last but not least, worshipping Hestia, or any other deity, is something you have your whole life ahead of you to do. Take it at your own pace. Faith is all about the journey. The destination is irrelevant. There is no deadline or leveling up system, no authority checking your progress. As I have experienced time and time again, the gods will very much meet you where you are. A few months ago I was in a deep depression and did not do any ritual for several months. When I finally did a ritual again, I felt Hestia’s warm hand on my shoulder, as if to say “I miss you, welcome home”. I promise, Hestia will always welcome you home.

P.S. I know this ask is anonymous but Sage, feel free to message me with any additional questions about Hestia or worshipping deities in general. I’m here if you need any more help.