#two episodes in and I already have all the feels

[gendertrickster]

i realized recently that vriska's left eye looking the way it is was what felt like an intentionally hidden detail throughout act 5 act 1, like it was a secret she kept deliberately. every appearance of her sans two in hivebent has her left eye obscured, by lack or otherwise

aside from times shown after she loses her eye, where she wears an eyepatch lens, she is ALWAYS shown wearing the augmented lens — a tool that specifically grants her more agency through letting her forcibly access information otherwise kept from her — and part of me can't help but wonder if it was an intentional mystery kept on hussie's part as to what vriska's eye actually looked like under there. there was never any indication that her left eye actually looked like the shape shown on the augmented lens, and it could easily be assumed, based on every troll aside from sollux, that her left eye looked the same as her right. this feels like a very, very defining thing for vriska in particular to hide. and it absolutely bears mentioning that the first time we ever see what her left eye looks like (one of TWO times in hivebent) is the same beat where it's revealed she was a PROSPIT dreamer

(the other time is [s] make her pay, which is the same idea)

and i feel like there's a couple different directions that hussie could've been wanting to take with this. one of them would be insane, because while it's basically entirely improbable in practice it would extend its way into fucking beyond canon if it were true:

it could, at one point in development, have been the case that vriska manifested her eye looking like that, given that we only see her dream self with this left eye in hivebent. at this point it was already established that dream selves can shape their forms manually to a degree (a la jade), and otherwise draw from the subconscious ideal one holds themself to (a la terezi). and given vriska's reliance on her vision eightfold (which to this point had been suggested as being solely possible through the vector of technological augment8ion) and everything that reliance represents in terms of her personal agency (and lack thereof), it would make sense if this were the reason her eye looked like that as her dream self but not her real self until later when she ascended to the god tiers and those two selves became one

this whole idea is already kind of dubious though, because we do see how vriska (allegedly) looked as a child, and she does also have the seven pupils, since there's also no reason to assume her eye didn't always look like that

but if that were true, why would it be kept such a secret in hivebent, especially by vriska herself?

(i can think of a couple reasons, actually.)

as i mentioned before, even now this "manifested vision eightfold" direction would still hold narrative weight, considering developments around vriska in beyond canon:

in chapter 2 of homestuck^2, vriska's new design is cemented, adding an eyepatch with an infinity drawn on it in her own cerulean swill blood over the wound she sustained just past the edge of canon

she wears this eyepatch, with its unique iconography, for eight years in the plot point, with one very notable exception:

chapter 4, where she is belittled into an episode of age regression, sporting again her glasses (which she had long stopped needing), her redoubled total lack of mental agency (which she really hoped would have been easier to leave behind than this), and her augmented lens (which, as established, she used as a crutch).

the parallel drawn all across here, then, is that her augmented lens is to her "vision eightfold"/seven-pupiled eye as her infinity eyepatch would be to her left eye once she could leave the point behind. and depending on how you interpret the existence of vriska's left eye — whether it was always there and caused her active dysphoria (as a mark associated with cerulean bloods, a textually-stated male-dominated caste) and dysmorphia (it made her look too alien, unlike almost all of her co-players), or whether she manifested it as something she had to have to maintain personal agency despite further alienating her appearance from that of her peers and of her preferred ideal for herself (thus also causing her the same dysphoria/dysmorphia) — that can mean different things.

the point as to whether vriska manifested it into existence is only sort of moot, though — homestuck is a story completely steeped in retroactive continuity, where once it's made clear that something is true, it was always true, and things like that can be manifested into truth by its own characters (a la jake). the state of vriska's left eye was a mystery until it was shown how it actually looked, and from then on it was always true, and was thus also true for aranea. but whether it was always true for aranea first banked on it being true for vriska, due to the trickle-down characterization homestuck is built on. this choice was made before aranea even existed as a character, after all.

and because of the nature of these manifestations, that truth had to come from various parts of vriska's arc in hivebent, like what the vision eightfold meant to her as the one thing she could use to get an edge in a world completely stacked against her. and who else would ever be able to metanarratively manifest such a relevant and contentious part of her own appearance (let alone that of an eye, the vector by which light is received) than vriska serket?

sure enough, after years of painful, traumatic work, she manifests it a second time.

vision infinityfold. unbounded freedom.

[kinardsevan]

HOLY FUCK, this episode. amirite? 

truth be told, going into it, my anxiety was already high because of personal stuff, and I literally said out loud when we saw Buck in the confessional “this episode is going to make me cry” (hint, it did). but since there seems to be a little (strike that, lot) of discourse over a specific set of scenes in this episode, let me climb up top my soapbox behind my podium talk, eh? —also, forgive me if you’re a Buck Truther, because I use Buck and Evan interchangeably.

Eddie’s attitude in this episode was ten thousand percent problematic. The attitude toward Buck about not letting anyone in was absolutely not the way to go about it. if you want to give Eddie the leg up and say that he was pointing out that Buck was/is spiraling and needs to let people in? fine. but then that should’ve been the end of the sentence. “making everything about you” never needed to be added to the end of that sentence. not to meniton, I feel like EVERY time I’ve seen people grieve in the face of loss, grief itself is selfish. and to that end, it’s not selfish because a grieving person doesn’t care about the other people around them. grief, as we know, is a very natural thing and to be expected after a loss. however, the way everyone handles a loss is different because everyone has a different relationship to everyone else in this world, regardless. the thing that really baffles me in regard to how people are justifying Eddie’s blatant abuse to Buck in that particular scene is quite simple.

let’s go back to the pilot, shall we? the first three people we meet in our cast are Bobby, Buck, and Athena. further, we have it established from episode TWO that there is a father/son relationship building between Buck and Bobby. by season eight, that relationship is well established. some of the posts we’ve reshared in the past few weeks include the “pops” scene from episode two, the “youre one of the most important poeple in my life” scene from season 3, and “mom brought two kids into this marriage, you brought one” from season six. to that end, by season six then, it is WELL established that Bobby views Buck as his son, and in 710 we get Evan telling Tommy that Bobby is “the father I never had”. 

now, am I disregarding how Eddie feels in the face of losing Bobby? absolutely not. as I stated, grief is selfish, and everyone feels it in their own way. however, his absolute railroading of Buck and the “you’re making it all about yourself” when in fact Buck hasn’t said anything about how he’s handling the loss is absolute and utter bullshit. some people grieve privately. some people get told things in final conversations with a loved one that they keep to themselves (“I love you, kid. You’re gonna be okay. They’re going to need you.”). some people process by shutting down their own emotions and taking care of those around them while trying to keep their own wound closed. Buck seems to have hit all of these options on the head. 

so imagine how baffled I am, to be watching Eddie snapping at Buck for pointing out that he didn’t bother to say anything about taking the position in El Paso, and Eddie making that Buck’s fault for being shut down in his grief and not asking Eddie what it was like for him to get the phone call that Bobby was dead. I think we’re all assuming at this point that it was Tommy, given that everyone else was otherwise busy, and based on the conversation, it obviously wasn’t Buck calling him… but how is it Buck’s fault that Eddie had to take the call in the middle of the night? how is it Buck’s fault that Eddie didn’t have anyone else to turn to? and further, in what ways did Evan retaliate and say “well I had to walk away and know he was dying feet away and couldn’t do a god damn thing about it?” 

…oh. wait. 

which just further goes to my point of what. the actual. FUCK. 

the whole “you don’t think I didn’t do everything I could to save him���/“I don’t know because I wasn’t there” just fucking SENDS me. we already know Buck is struggling. he’s trying to be there for everyone, trying to check in on all of them, trying to make sure they’re okay. he’s being calm in a storm (thank you, Meredith Grey for that one). children of trauma do that well because they have an easier time figuring things out in chaos than they do in the calm of things. 

I won’t comment much on the finger in the face because regardless, it was completely unwarranted. there was no need for him to get in Buck’s face the way he did. further, the fact that this friendship continues to frame around how Eddie is facing a situation regardless of how Buck feel’s about it, is truly disheartening. it’s a masterclass on a toxic friendship, and as someone who had a very similar relationship, i’m higly bothered by the fact that Evan never gets to have his side of things justified. he never gets an apology, or an acknowledgement that his feelings are real and justified. Eddie constantly tells him that he’s selfish and makes things about himself, when in fact we got acknowledgement in the episode that Evan is acutely aware of how those around him are feeling and if they’re in need of support. he’s the empathetic one of the group, and always has been. he’s the one who shows up when people need him. we’ve seen him do this for literally everyone this season…and yet he’s the one left by the side and blamed for daring to have a feeling for himself. 

I can acknowledge the fact that the reason I feel this way so deeply about Evan’s treatment is because I see a lot of his mannerisms in myself. we share a lot of things in common in terms of trauma, abandonment, the way our relationships are…. but something I’ve learned in the past two years is that people will take advantage of your unending loyalty. they will abuse your unconditional love. they will treat you like trash and then deign to get upset for having a feeling about it. in the words of a poem i wrote about two years ago, Eddie is quite literally doing this: 

“you set me on fire and then dared to judge me for noticing”. 

I hope to GOD that at some point we get an acknowledgement of Eddie’s toxic behavior (the sooner the better). I can imagine that there are some points this season where TM & Co have written things a certain way between the two with the intent of (on top of the “I’m not in love with him” statement) to further drive home the fact that Buck does not have feelings for Eddie, and vice-versa. Still, there are ways to achieve that without verbal and emotional abuse. and given that I fit their target demo (middle America, 18-49), I feel it very pertinent that this attitude be acknowledged. it’s honestly fucked to me that an issue we had in season three (the way Eddie treats his friends) continues to play out in season 8, and likely season 9. 

I could say more, but I don’t want to make this about ship wars, so I’ll leave it at that. as it is, I’m sure we’re going to see Evan putting Eddie above him again next week when they inevitably have Eddie move back to LA with Chris at the teen’s acknowledgement of “we should be here with our family”, and use that as a way to move Evan and Tommy in together. then again, I guess we’ll see, and only time can tell. 

[6okuto]

(Subtle) Care for a Depressive Episode

GN!reader x Ais, Vere, Mhin | cw: depression symptoms e.g. isolation, anhedonia, irritation, sleeping problems/insomnia (not too deeply! mostly a mention before saying what the chara would do). food and checking if you're eating (<- vere's)

for the anon who requested on wifeiy!! made sure to talk about your ideas of course 🦔

AIS

If you notice Princess and other Soulless approaching you more, being more affectionate and playful, I'm not saying that was (all) Ais, but I'm also not denying that they might be cooking. His pet spoiling is put on hold for spoiling You! :') Buying things you've needed or wanted recently, doing that "bought extra of your favourite do you want some" trick, etc.

If you enjoy physical affection, he puts in an effort to give you more. Maybe it's a kiss to your head while he walks past, hugging you from behind while you're distracted, a hand rubbing your thigh while you sit down together. It's subtle things he can brush off as his general casual affection. Neither of you really have to bring it up, both of you knowing what he's doing

^ He teases you less when you initiate (depending on your... vibe... it'll be a light comment). Just lets you wrap his arms around you and approaches whenever you ask. Sometimes you hug him silently, and he doesn't try to ask what's wrong. Just holds you and lets you let go first

Not good at small talk?... Ais is a small talk lover suddenly. Little check-ins to see how your day is going. He has never loved talking more about what he did today so you're still in the loop. <- Guy who noted things he could/would bring up to you later

If you're in an isolation stay-at-home state, at some point, you might realize Ais hasn't been going out to bars as much, instead staying with you or picking quieter spots. He chooses his words carefully so you don't think you're 'keeping him from having fun' or something—maybe he says the crowd's been more annoying than usual, or he needs a break from the smell of cheap drinks and piss, or that he likes spending time with you more. Y'know how it goes.

If you're dealing with anhedonia, not enjoying the things you usually do or feeling pleasure really at all, it's. Shit. Like Fuck my stupid baka life. Ais checks on you and sees how well you're sleeping, asks you to join him on a walk, maybe asks you to talk to him about your hobbies and teach him something. Just seeing if it'll get you up and moving

Always love the thought of him teaching you phrases!! Maybe you're in a bad mood and curse first, and he responds in a different language. You look at him like ...? and he smiles and says it again. Gonna use Korean because I'm familiar HABFHB but he'd be like, "씨발. Fuck," and ask if "You wanna learn some, sparrow?"

^ He'll teach you anything from "bastard" to "your shirt looks like shit and so does your face" if it distracts you for a while. Though I think it would also be cute if he complimented you and taught you sweet things too! Only for usage between you two, of course. (Jokingly complains he can't secretly call you attractive anymore without you understanding. Grins when you laugh.)

VERE

Leniency... He already has more for you than most others, but even the things he jokingly gives you shit for are now okay. Not just that but he like, makes the first step? Gives you the opportunity? If you know he doesn't like his tail being touched and wouldn't try first, he'll rest it against your thigh and won't move (other than a reflexive flick) when you touch it.

^ With the leniency, if you're easily annoyed or angered, he doesn't necessarily let your remarks slide (take a breath or reword what you just said), but he doesn't hold it against you, either.

He mentions different events and performances that are supposed to happen and gauging your reaction. You might be happily surprised when they coincidentally happen to be (related to) things you enjoy, even and especially if Vere doesn't particularly like them himself. If you don't want to go, that's fine, he didn't want to go much either. You can spend the evening together instead

Vere is generally more... blunt or pushy than the others... when it comes to getting you to do things. His subtlety manifests in how he won't explicitly say "Hey this is good for you and your depression" rather than actually Subtly Suggesting or Doing Things. If that makes Any sense. He's putting a meal on your desk and checking to see if you've eaten it—he's brought his own so you can enjoy a meal together.

...Nicer. Still Vere, but maybe he drops genuine compliments more often. You say something self-deprecating or try to deflect and he doesn't let it slide. (already does this but he's a little more firm about it if it happens a lot)

I love the idea of him doing art with you! Even just drawing in the same room because he never lets anyone see the finished product let alone his process, so when he sits down and doesn't mind you watching him, it means a lot I think. If he happens to draw a place or object that you really like, well, it's just practice y'know. He lets you keep it too

If you want to partake, he's.. maybe surprisingly? chill and good about it? If art isn't one of your interests, he gives you tips and likes whatever you draw, even if you don't. Maybe you do something simple together! Or something purposefully ass! You draw him and his ear twitches and his tail swishes a little.

If he knows you're already into art, he teases and say he has expectations considering he's lending some of his best supplies, but y'know. He seems satisfied no matter what you end up doing because at least he's gotten you focused on something

When Vere 'gets sleepy', he finds you to fall asleep next to. When he really wants to nap or sleep, he pulls you into bed and wraps an arm around your waist, tail curling around you both. Sometimes this is a lie and he just wants to stick near you and give you an opportunity to be affectionate if you'd like! Silly guy

You brushing his tail... Vere offering to brush or wash yours... very gentle and careful and thorough(?)... yeah...

MHIN

Of course they'll take you around to see the cats. In case you aren't well-acquainted with the little angels already, for every cat you point at, Mhin will teach you their name and describe how they met or share a fun fact (e.g. He has no survival sense and will show you his stomach immediately, She likes to climb your pants, Those two always sleep in that corner together, etc.)

And if you laugh at them when a cat jumps at them or catches them off-balance or whatever else, Mhin only jokingly huffs but never gets annoyed at any person or cat present.

They ask if you'd like to help cut up the fish and feed them, or even fish when evening comes. If you're nervous or aren't very good at it at first, they quietly help and encourage you, complimenting you when you succeed. It's good to have a schedule and something like a family of cats to look forward to, so Mhin always asks you to accompany them for the meals :]

Sorry for the 3 cat points. Like it's my fault or unexpected

You can try to help each other fall asleep, or at least stay up Together. The demons are always the worst at night... Mhin is good company, and they know what it's like wishing you could just go to bed the Whole night. Maybe you make a couple drinks and talk about nothing and everything!

If they notice you're distant or debating asking for physical affection throughout the day, Mhin silently moves to cuddle you that night, and every night. If you squeeze, they squeeze. If you try to sink further into them, they pull you in as much as they can. They'll tuck your head under their chin and rub circles into your back as long as you need.

Mhin getting you a little gift or trinket... They know it isn't a lot, but since they're doing commissions so much of the day, they figure a little cat figure might keep you company while they're gone

They already take care to clean themselves and their things before coming home, but I think. They take extra care. So that you don't worry about them or have to see something that might otherwise make you feel worse

Incredibly good at figuring out where you've been if you're staying distant. Even if they don't happen to Pop up while you're there, they'll do stuff like leave little things for you to find (something to give the cats? a cool coin?), anonymously send a drink or meal your way, etc.

If there's something you wanted to do with them earlier that Mhin declined, now is the time that they bring it up again. Like yeah, okay, let's go visit those stores, they have to scope out the area. You wanted to know how Mhin was on that rooftop before, right? If you still want to know, they're going again tonight to stargaze

i hope this helps a little and you're doing ok friend.. if u (or anyone!) would like a solo drabble or something less subtle or anything else,, just let me know! we're in this depression shit together fr🦔🪩🤍

[easytiger-xo]

Fire Trap

pairing: dean winchester x fem!reader ❤︎

✦18+ (MDNI)✦

summary: Dean finally tells Sam what their father said to him before he died. Sam doesn't take it well—and takes off. With nowhere else to turn, Dean shows up on your doorstep. One thing leads to another, and Dean's world comes crashing down. Again.

cw: emotional distress/panic, fire-related trauma (implied), PTSD themes/aftermath, hurt/comfort, near-death experience, some angst, explicit sexual content, shower sex, soft dom!dean, unprotected p in v. (srry if i missed anything.)

wordcount: 4,344

✦ a/n: This story takes place during S2 E10, 'Haunted'. Obviously changed some things to make it work. Took a lot of inspiration from an episode of Burn Notice, where Michael thinks that Fiona is killed in a fire trap and it leads to him finally letting her in. I just needed that with Dean. I hope you enjoy! ❤︎

Now. “I said no. Just wait for me, okay?” Dean’s voice rang out over the phone—firm, protective, already laced with frustration.

“I can handle it. Looks vacant. Just a quick in and out.” You heard the sharp inhale, the beginning of another protest, but you didn’t let him finish.

You hung up.

Four days ago.

You weren’t expecting him.

It was nearly midnight when headlights swept across your window, followed by a knock—two short, one heavy. His knock. You opened the door, heart thudding, and there he stood: jaw tight, eyes glassy with something heavier than exhaustion.

You didn’t say a word. Just stepped aside and let him in, closing the door behind him like it would keep everything chasing him at bay. You hadn’t seen Dean in months. Not since he ended things with you.

Said he loved you—always would—but that it wasn’t the right time. You didn’t press him. You never did. Because you’d always understood Dean Winchester better than he wanted to be understood. And that terrified him more than anything else. So you let him go. Even though it left a bruise that never quite healed.

You knew the reason he pulled away without him having to explain. John had died. Dean was carrying the grief like a loaded shotgun, and he didn’t want it going off in your direction. He didn’t trust the version of himself that came out when he was hurting.

You missed him. But you didn’t resent him. He still called sometimes. Usually late at night. Case questions. Lore trivia. Sometimes he just wanted to hear someone who remembered who he was before all the weight. You gave him what you could. But it was never personal. Not anymore.

Until now.

He sat on your couch like the ground had finally given way beneath him, talking more than he had in years. Told you what John said about Sam before he died. Told you how badly he messed up trying to protect him. Told you how Sam took off—furious, betrayed—and didn’t look back.

“The kid jacked a car and ran off into the night,” he muttered, dragging a hand down his face.

“I don’t know what to do anymore. It just feels like…” His voice cracked. And in that second, he looked younger. Lost. Like he was nineteen again and the whole world had fallen apart in front of him. You reached over and rested a hand on his knee. “I’ll help you find him.”

He looked down at your hand but didn’t pull away. He just let the silence settle around you.

Then his phone rang. Ellen. She’d seen Sam. He was headed to Lafayette, Indiana. Dean didn’t wait. He grabbed his keys. You grabbed your coat. And when the Impala roared to life, you were in the passenger seat—where you’d always belonged.

The two of you pull up outside the only motel in town—one of those faded, roadside places that hasn’t been updated since the '80s. The Impala idles beneath you. Through the open curtains of one of the ground-floor rooms, Dean spots him.

“There’s Sam,” he mutters, leaning forward against the wheel. Then his eyes narrow. “And... huh.”

You follow his gaze. A woman.

Dean’s mouth tugs into a crooked, boyish grin—the kind that’s always been your undoing. “Sam, you sly dog.”

You laugh under your breath. “Kid’s been on the run less than a week and already shacked up.”

Dean chuckles, then shifts back into gear. “Alright, let’s park outta sight and get a room. Wait this out.”

The motel room smells faintly of mildew and old cigarettes, but you’ve both stayed in worse. Dean paces back and forth, boots thudding softly against the worn carpet. “Dean, you’re gonna wear a hole in the floor.” You glance down, then smirk. “Actually, keep going. That might be an improvement.”

He doesn’t bite. Doesn’t even crack a smile. You try again. “Y’know, if Sam’s getting lucky, no reason we can’t…” You raise your brows, a playful lilt in your voice. It’s half a joke. Maybe only a quarter.

Dean pauses mid-step and looks at you, unamused. Stone-faced. You sigh and throw your hands up in surrender. “Fine. Okay. I’m gonna go grab a couple sandwiches from that shop across the street. You still like pie, right?” You don’t wait for an answer. The door clicks shut behind you before he can say a word.

The air outside is cold enough to bite. You pull your jacket tighter around you as you walk, trying to shake off the sting in your chest. He’s still not ready. Didn’t bring you here for that, even if part of you wishes that’s what this trip was. You sigh and try not to read too much into it. It’s not about you. It never really has been.

The bell above the shop door jingles as you step inside. Turkey for you. Ham for him. And cherry pie—of course. You toss in a six-pack for good measure. Something to fill the silence, if nothing else.

You’re balancing the bags as you cross the street when you spot her. The woman from Sam’s room. She’s walking away quickly, coat half-zipped, keys in hand. You pick up your pace to catch up.

Back at the room, you fumble trying not to drop everything. You’re just about to twist the doorknob when it swings open from the inside. “’Bout time,” you say, grinning.

Dean chuckles, stepping aside. “Sorry. Bathroom.” You walk in and set the bags on the desk. “Hey, I saw that girl leaving Sam’s room. He’s still in there. You want backup?”

Dean shakes his head. “No. I got it. Brother stuff.” He reaches out and takes your hand for a second. Just a second. “Thanks.” You know what he means. Not just for the food. For being here. For staying. For not pushing. You smile and nod. “Go get him.”

Dean had every intention of tearing into his little brother the second he saw him. He was ready to yell, to demand an explanation, to tell Sam just how worried sick he’d been. He knocked hard on the motel room door. A few seconds later, it creaked open. Sam stood there, clearly not expecting to see him.

“Dean?” he blinked. “Look, I know what you’re gonna say—” He held up a hand, a half-hearted peace offering.

Dean pushed past it. “No, I don’t think you do, Sam.” There was anger in his voice. Not just frustration—real anger. The kind that came from fear.

“Just—just hear me out, okay?” Before Dean could fire back, Sam started talking. Fast. Desperate to get it all out. He explained why he was there. The woman—Ava. How she’d tracked him down, said he was in danger. How she told him about a dream she’d had. One that sounded way too familiar.

A house. 5637 Monroe Street. Fire. Death.

Dean’s jaw tightened as he listened. His brain was already moving, processing the pieces. When Sam finally stopped, Dean exhaled. “Alright. Let’s go check this place out.”

Sam blinked. “Really? You’re not gonna—?”

“What?” Dean cut in. “I’m still pissed, but I get it. You need to figure this out. We’ll do it together.” What he didn’t say: the guilt was eating him alive. John’s last words, the burden of carrying that secret, letting it fester for so long—he didn’t need one more wedge between them.

“I’m gonna grab Y/N and we can—”

“Y/N is with you?” Sam interrupted, brows lifting in surprise.

Dean stopped mid-step. “Yeah, Sam. You left me high and dry, remember?” His voice was sharper than intended.

“Right. Okay.” Sam nodded, grabbing his gun from the desk, tucking it away, and following Dean out.

They stepped into the motel room to find it empty. The bags of food were untouched, still sitting on the desk. A faint chill hung in the air—quiet. Dean’s stomach dropped.

He reached for his phone, dialing your number without hesitation. It rang twice before you picked up. “Where are you?” he asked, already sensing the answer.

You were standing outside a weather-worn house, the address etched into the crooked mailbox: 5637 Monroe Street. Paint peeled from the siding. The air smelled like dust and something old.

“Oh, uh… I didn’t tell you,” you replied, a little too casually. “I talked to that girl—Ava—before she left. She told me what was going on, gave me the address. Thought I’d check it out while you were, y’know, dealing with brother stuff.”

Dean ran a hand through his hair. “I’m on my way with Sam. Do not go in there, okay?” There was a tightness in his voice now. But you were used to that—Dean always worried about you. Always would.

“I’m just gonna take a look around,” you said, balancing the phone between your shoulder and ear as you cocked your gun.

“I said no. Just wait for me, okay?” Dean’s voice rang out over the phone—firm, protective, already laced with frustration.

“I can handle it. Looks vacant. Just a quick in and out.” You heard the sharp inhale, the beginning of another protest, but you didn’t let him finish.

You hung up.

“Son of a bitch,” Dean muttered, flipping his phone shut with a snap.

He spun on his heel and strode toward the Impala, jaw clenched. Sam didn’t say a word. He just followed.

You approach the house with trained caution. This isn’t your first rodeo. You keep low, quiet, circling around until you find a broken window that hasn’t been boarded up. It groans as you slide through, landing softly inside. The place is silent, but not dead. It feels off—air too still, shadows too sharp. Someone’s been here recently.

Your senses are on high alert, scanning everything. Your eyes catch it just in time—a tripwire strung low across the floor.

Close one.

You step over it carefully, heart thudding. What you don’t see is the pressure plate beneath a scrap of old rug. You feel it the second your boot presses down.

Click. A hiss. Then the walls erupt.

Flames roar to life like they’ve been waiting for you. Gas-fed, fast, angry. You stumble back, instinct taking over, but the fire’s already crawling up the walls, licking the ceiling. Smoke fills the room in seconds. You spin, searching for an exit. You're trapped. Your lungs tighten, panic flooding your veins. You press your back to the wall as the heat surges closer.

By the time Dean pulls up, the house is a blazing inferno. He doesn’t even turn the engine off.

“NO! NO! NO!”

He’s out of the car in a heartbeat, sprinting toward the fire. Sam grabs him around the chest, holding on with everything he has. “Dean! You can’t!”

Dean thrashes, fury and fear making him wild. “LET GO, SAM!”

“Dean, there’s no way—no one could survive that!”

Dean’s voice breaks, full of something raw and desperate. “Y/N!” he screams your name again and again like it’ll bring you back. His voice rips through the night, hoarse and ragged.

Sirens wail in the distance—firetrucks.

“Dean, we have to go. Now!” Sam’s dragging him, fighting him every step of the way. Dean doesn’t stop struggling until they’re back at the car. He tears the door open, peels out, tires screaming against the pavement. He’s already calling your number. Straight to voicemail.

“Hi, you’ve reached me. Leave a message.”

“Son of a bitch!” He ends the call and dials again.

“Hi, you’ve reached me—”

Again.

“Hi—”

And again.

Every time your voice plays, it cuts deeper.

They drive up and down the stretch of road near the fire, Dean scanning every shadow, every ditch, every side street. “You got out,” he mutters. “You had to.” His grip on the wheel is white-knuckled, the phone trembling in his hand. “This can’t be happening, Sam.”

Sam watches him, heart heavy. He’s never seen Dean like this. Not even when they lost their dad. Not even when he was dying. Sam wants to say, ‘I’m sure she’s okay’, but he doesn’t.

Because what if you’re not?

Hours pass.

Rain starts to fall, soft at first, then harder. Visibility drops, and they’re forced to head back. Dean drives in silence, jaw locked, eyes dead ahead. He pulls into the motel lot, throws the Impala into park, kills the engine. The rain drums against the roof like a ticking clock. Sam opens his mouth. “Dean, I’m—”

“Don’t.” Dean’s voice is low. Icy. He steps out into the rain, the phone already to his ear again. He dials. Again. Again.

“Hi, you’ve reached me...”

He stands at the door to the room, water soaking through his jacket, pooling at his feet. He doesn’t open it right away. Just stands there, hand on the knob, staring. Terrified of what won’t be waiting for him on the other side. Finally, he breathes in deep—and steps inside.

“Hey, that you?”

Your voice cuts through the room like a thunderclap.

Dean stops cold.

He turns toward the bathroom in stunned silence as you step out, barefoot, wrapped in a worn motel robe, towel-drying your hair. You’re annoyed, totally unaware of the storm you’ve just walked into.

“Mean-ass lady at the front desk wouldn’t let me use her phone, and this dump doesn’t have any in the rooms...” you mutter, shaking your head. “That place was freaking booby-trapped, Dean. I barely got out. Dropped my damn phone jumping out a window. Whoever set that up—serious operator. Not your average monster-of-the-week.”

You keep rambling, still scrunching your damp hair in the towel, not noticing the way Dean hasn’t moved. Not noticing the way his chest is rising like he can’t catch his breath.

“I smelled like a roasted pig,” you laugh softly, tossing the towel toward the bathroom. It lands in a heap on the floor. “Had to shower or I was gonna start—Dean?”

You finally stop talking. His name leaves your lips gently, and it shatters him.

He drops his phone. It clatters to the carpet, forgotten.

In two strides, he’s in front of you. You lift your eyes and what you see stops your heart—raw emotion burning through him like gasoline on fire, and you would know. His hand rises, trembling slightly as he cups your cheek. His thumb brushes against your skin like he’s testing whether you’re flesh or a ghost.

“You didn’t think,—” you begin to whisper. Your voice is soft. Slowly understanding. But he silences you with his touch.

And then he’s kissing you.

No warning. No hesitation. Just need.

His mouth crashes into yours, all heat and desperation that makes your knees weak. His arm wraps around your waist like he’s terrified you’ll vanish if he doesn’t hold on tight enough.

It’s not soft. It’s not slow. This is a man who thought he lost you—who's still shaking from the idea of living in a world without you.

You kiss him back with equal fire, fingers digging into the back of his neck, pulling him closer. You’ve missed this. Missed him. 

He tugs at the belt of your robe, hands rough and urgent. The fabric parts easily, slipping off your shoulders and pooling at your feet. Dean steps back just a breath, eyes sweeping over you like he’s trying to memorize every inch of skin again.

“Jesus,” he whispers, voice hoarse. “You’re really here.”

You reach up, pull his mouth back to yours. “I’m here,” you murmur into the kiss. “Not going anywhere.”

He peels off his jacket, letting it fall to the floor with a heavy thump. His hands find your waist, lifting you like you weigh nothing. You gasp as your back meets the cool wall, his body pressed hard against yours.

There’s nothing gentle in the way he touches you now. It’s all adrenaline and relief, love buried in every hurried movement. His lips leave a trail of open-mouthed kisses down your neck, his hands everywhere at once—gripping your thighs, cupping your face, running over your ribs like he needs to feel your heartbeat to believe you’re alive.

You thread your fingers through his hair, gasping his name, tugging him closer. He grinds against you, groaning low in his throat.

“I thought I lost you,” he breathes against your skin. “I thought—I couldn’t—”

You cut him off with another kiss, slower this time, but no less full of fire. “You didn’t. I’m here. I’m right here, baby.”

He lifts you away from the wall, carrying you to the bed without breaking contact.

He lays you back on the mattress like he’s staking a claim—like you’re his last breath and he’s not about to waste it. The old springs groan beneath the weight of you both, but the sound is lost in the firestorm between you. 

Everything is heat, tension, the crackling charge that started building the moment he saw you step out from the bathroom.

You’re already reaching for him, tearing at his belt with shaking fingers. He meets your urgency, unbuckling it like it insulted him, then shoves his jeans and boxers down in one swift, brutal motion. His shirt clings to him, soaked through and molding to every hard-cut muscle, but he rips it off and throws it across the room like it’s in the way. Like everything is in the way.

Your eyes rake over him—freckles and scars scattered across his chest, sweat glistening in the dip of his collarbone, that perfect cock already thick, hard, and leaking for you.

“Fuck, Dean…” you breathe, lips parted, pupils blown wide.

He doesn’t give you time to linger. His hands grip your thighs and he drags you closer to him, the rough pull stealing the air from your lungs. A low, primal sound rumbles in his chest, and he stares down at you like he might devour you.

“Thinking you were in that house,” he says, voice low and cracked. “You don’t know what that did to me.”

You reach for him, legs wrapping around his waist like instinct. “I'm so sorry,” you whisper. “I'm here, I'm okay.” you reassure him again.

And that’s all it takes. He strokes himself once, twice, then presses the thick head of his cock to your entrance. There’s no teasing. No slow slide. Just need. He thrusts into you in one deep, devastating push—stretching you wide, filling you completely, until your back arches off the bed and his name punches out of your throat.

“Oh fuck—Dean!”

He curses under his breath, fingers digging into your hips like he’s anchoring himself. “Jesus, baby—I almost forgot how perfect you feel.”

He pulls back and drives into you again, setting a rhythm that’s all force and fire. The bed rocks beneath you, old springs squealing under every relentless thrust. It’s not careful. It’s not clean. It’s everything he’s been holding back—the fear, the guilt, the ache—hammered into you with every sharp, punishing snap of his hips.

You meet him thrust for thrust, your heels digging into the backs of his thighs, your hands fisting the sheets. He’s everywhere—on your skin, in your lungs. His hand curls around yours, fingers entwined, grounding himself in the fact that you’re alive, here, under him, with him.

“Harder,” you beg, voice breaking. “God, Dean—I need it. I need you.”

Your words detonate something in him.

He groans—raw, low, feral—and flips you, pulling you to your knees in a blur of motion. He plunges into you from behind, deeper now, rougher. The angle hits something sharp and bright inside you, and the moan that tears from your throat sounds wrecked.

His chest presses to your back for a moment, his breath hot on your neck. Then his arm wraps around your middle and pulls you upright, your spine arching as he holds you to him. One hand slides up your stomach, cups your breast, fingers rolling your nipple until your legs threaten to give out. The other snakes down between your thighs and finds your clit—circling tight, fast, merciless.

You’re gasping, trembling, so close it hurts. “I missed you,” you choke out, head falling back on his shoulder. “So much—needed you.”

“I know, baby,” he pants into your skin, his voice a ragged whisper. “I know. I’ve got you now.”

He fucks up into you harder, his pace brutal, fingers moving in time with each deep thrust. Your walls clench around him as the pressure builds, blinding and unstoppable. “Come for me,” he growls against your ear. “Remind me how it feels when you fall apart for me.”

And you do. You fall to pieces around him, a scream ripping from your throat as your orgasm tears through you like wildfire. Your whole body locks, trembling, shaking. He holds you through it, hips stuttering before he buries himself deep one last time, groaning your name as he spills into you, hot and thick and so much.

You collapse forward onto the bed with him still inside you, both of you trembling, slick with sweat and shaking breaths. His body covers yours, anchoring you both to the moment. His lips brush your shoulder, soft and reverent. Again. And again.

The room has gone quiet now, save for the soft rasp of Dean’s breathing. He doesn’t speak. Doesn’t move. Just clings to you like a lifeline. You run your fingers through his hair, slow and soothing, your other hand tracing soft lines down his spine. No words—just quiet comfort. A balm for the ache you know he’s still carrying in his chest.

After a long stretch of silence, he finally shifts, just enough to look at you. His face is raw, open in a way he almost never lets himself be.

“When I pulled up and saw the place burning,” he says, voice gravel-soft and cracked at the edges, “I thought… I thought that was it. I thought I was too late.”

Your heart twists, and you cradle his cheek in your palm, letting him speak.

“There wasn’t a sign of you. Just smoke and flames. I couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t think. I kept playing it over in my head—what if you’d screamed for me and I wasn’t there to hear it?”

“Dean—”

“I don’t ever wanna feel that again,” he whispers, a tremble threading through his words. “I swear to God, if I ever lose you like that—really lose you—I won’t come back from it.”

You pull him into your arms, wrapping yourself around him like armor. “You didn’t lose me,” you say, fierce and quiet. “I’m here. I got out. I’m safe. With you.”

He lets himself be held. You feel the way his body slowly starts to unwind against you, all that coiled panic bleeding out with every breath. It takes time, but eventually his head finds its place tucked against your chest, and his breathing evens. You stroke his hair until the tension fades from his muscles, until his weight grows heavier, and you realize he’s drifted off—finally, safely—against you. You stay like that for a while, your fingers ghosting over his bare back, memorizing the feel of him in sleep. 

You slip out of bed when the first faint light of morning begins to warm the sky outside the cracked blinds. The bathroom is quiet. Steam curls around you as you step into the shower, eyes closing under the gentle cascade of water. You tilt your face up, letting it wash away the sweat, the ache, the lingering adrenaline. Just breathing. Just being.

You don’t hear him come in. But you feel him.

Strong arms slide around your waist, warm and steady. His chest presses to your back, skin to skin, and you exhale softly as his mouth finds the slope of your shoulder.

“I didn’t mean to wake you,” you murmur, eyes still closed.

He kisses just below your ear. “You didn’t.”

His hands move slowly over your body, reverent, unhurried. There’s no rush in the way he touches you now—just the quiet ache of love rediscovered. He turns you in his arms, your wet skin slipping against his as you face him.

His eyes lock with yours, and whatever he’s feeling—whatever’s left unspoken—he says with that look. With the way his fingers brush your cheek, the way his lips find yours, soft and aching.

He kisses you like he needs it to live.

You melt into it, letting him guide you gently back against the cool tile. His body presses to yours, his hands skimming the sides of your waist before sliding down to the curve of your hips. He lifts one of your thighs, anchoring it around his waist, and when he slides into you this time, it’s slow—achingly slow.

You gasp into his mouth, your hands gripping his shoulders. He’s deep and thick and perfect, and he fills you like he’s trying to carve himself into your soul. His forehead rests against yours, the rhythm of his thrusts gentle but steady, a slow roll of pleasure that builds in quiet, tender waves.

“I love you,” he murmurs against your lips.

You nod, breath catching, fingers threading through the damp hair at the nape of his neck. “I know. I love you too.”

He rocks into you, again and again, his hands cradling your body like you’re precious—fragile and holy. Your moans echo softly in the fogged bathroom, mixing with the hum of the water, the slide of wet skin on skin.

It’s not just sex. It’s worship. A thank-you. A promise.

And when you come, it’s with a soft cry into his mouth, your whole body trembling against him. He follows seconds later, arms tightening around you as he groans your name, his hips stuttering as he pours everything he has into you.

You stay wrapped around each other long after, letting the water cool and the world slow down. His lips never leave your skin for long—tracing your cheek, your jaw, your shoulder.

“Next time,” you murmur, brushing his wet hair back from his forehead, “don’t wait ‘til after a near-death experience to come back to me.”

Dean smiles faintly and kisses your collarbone. “Deal. But I'm not going anywhere.”

credit & links:

⟡ gif & pics from pinterest, edited by me. ⟡ dividers by easytiger-xo.

[major-comet]

an analysis of andor, autonomy, and the trappings of destiny - spoilers up to episode 9

i think it’s important to remember as we discuss episodes 7-9 and cassian’s arc within them and throughout the rest of the show leading up to where/who he is in rogue one, that the conversations he has about wanting to be done with all of this, of wanting to take bix away somewhere safe and live out the rest of their lives there, happen in the immediate aftermath of surviving a genocide.

let's step back a few episodes really quickly. by the time s2:eps 4-6 roll around, he’s starting to feel deeply distrustful of luthen and his intentions, and i think is possibly starting to regret his choice to put his - and subsequently bix’s - life into his hands. not regretting rebellion per se, but regretting doing it through luthen. the conversation he has with luthen in the shop is so illuminating;

Luthen: "Kill me or take me in." You're in! "Oh, but Ghorman looks too painful. Bix is too vulnerable."

Cassian: I give you everything.

Luthen: This is everything? This fury? This lack of control? Violating every protocol we live by? Soft on Ghorman but willing to protect Bix at any cost.

Cassian: We... We are not droids, Luthen.

a lot of people have been interpreting this as the emotional element - that he and bix have feelings and luthen can't just completely discard that factor if he wants to keep making use of them - which I think does definitely play into it, but i think it's primarily a line about autonomy. as a given and with very few exceptions, in the world of star wars droids have no autonomy. no say in whether they will follow orders or not, no say in anything at all. either they follow their orders, or they'll be scrapped in favor of one who will. that's how cassian feels working for luthen - either he does as he's told, or luthen will put him down like star wars old yeller in favor of an agent who will continue to follow him unquestioningly. that is the choice cassian gave luthen at the end of season 1, after all, "kill me or take me in." cassian desperately wants to affirm that they're not droids in that sense - that they aren't going to just blindly follow orders and not worry about the very real costs of luthen's tactics.

to me, cassian’s arc throughout this season - and quite honestly an important theme for him throughout the whole show - is one about autonomy and control. i think he’s felt wildly out of control of his life and his circumstances since he was a child, being taken off of kenari by maarva and clem. it was probably at least part of the reason for all the trouble he got into as an adolescent on ferrix, and i think he deeply believes that almost every choice he actually gets to make is the wrong one - often leading to other people getting hurt.

all of this is happening to a guy who has always struggled with choice and feeling in control of his own life. all of this is happening to a guy who already carries the guilt of being a survivor with him everywhere he goes. sole survivor of kenari, one of two remaining aldhani heist survivors, one of only two known narkina 5 prison break survivors. he survived the empire's attack on ferrix during his mother's funeral, he was too late to save brasso on mina rau, and now he's also a survivor of the ghorman genocide. and now, in the aftermath of both ghorman, and of the conversation with that force healer, that feeling of being out of control of his own destiny has finally come to a head. if i recall correctly, listening to the desperate radio broadcast on ghorman is the only time we've seen cassian cry throughout the whole series thus far. he's rattled, and he's scared, and he feels guilty that once again - he's left to tell the tale. the healer was right, he's a messenger, destined to carry the weight of everything he lives through with him until he gets where he needs to be - which we of course know to be scarif.

cassian is scared, and feels wildly out of control and desperately wants to make a decision that would keep him and bix - bix who he feels is only in this mess because of him - safe and get them someplace where they could actually rest and let their guards down and feel completely in control of their circumstances. and obviously he would never be satisfied if he walked away from the rebellion - he'd carry the guilt of that with him just as he carries everything else. kleya knows it, and calls him on it in luthen's shop before he extracts mothma. bix knows it, and cassian knows it too, even if it’s buried deep down under the fear at the moment. but that doesn’t change the fact that at present, he desperately wants to know that he can still make a decision that matters, and won't get those that he still has left killed in the process.

and i think it’s very interesting and deeply, utterly tragic that the way bix handles it is by making the choice for him. once again denying cassian the agency to make an important choice for himself. after a lifetime of not being able to stay anywhere - kenari, ferrix, mina rau, this is the place he can't leave. destiny decrees that he must stay on yavin in order to deliver his message, but in order to achieve that bix can't stay there with him.

and now, two of the few people he has left in this last year leading up to following destiny and delivering his message on scarif, are the k-x that by bringing back to yavin for reprogramming, cassian has given the chance to experience some level of free will and autonomy, and the only other known survivor of the prison break he helped plan and carry out - a desperate grab for freedom, for autonomy. k-2 and melshi have been liberated in ways that cassian was very much - at least in part - responsible for, and yet he himself doesn't feel he has that same freedom of choice.

that's how we get to the cassian andor of rogue one. he's given everything in service of this fight, and feels that he truly has no other choice than to continue on the path destiny has laid out for him.

and if this is the plan the stars laid out for him, then i suppose he never really did have any say in it, did he? maybe that's the real tragedy in his story.

[tobiasdrake]

I don't know if they still do this but I remember in the 90's, Marvel comics were very interconnected and convoluted to follow especially because a storyline might begin in one title and then span six other titles before it concluded.

An issue of Amazing Spider-Man might have two separate previews of the next issue. One is "Next issue of Amazing Spider-Man, this other story happens" and then the other is "Next issue of Incredible Hulk, the next chapter of this story happens". It was very hard to follow.

But what they also did was make extensive use of asterisks. A character might say, "Didn't Venom get blasted into space?*" and then there'd be a little box that says [He sure did! Amazing Spider-Man #392, True Believers!] so you know what comic to go check out if you want to know more about that.

References to the big interweaving ball of continuity that was the Marvel franchise were super easy to follow-up on because you had these nifty asterisks.

I often feel like the MCU and Star Wars could benefit from figuring out some sort of nifty asterisk system. They both have what has become this complicated interlocking continuity and it would be nice if it was more accessible.

Like. Going to talk for a moment about Andor episode 9 here. You probably already know what I'm talking about, but spoiler barrier anyway.

Episode 9 is a little awkward in that it centers on Mon Mothma's escape from Coruscant and journey to Yavin, but it just. Kinda. Stops. Cassian gets her to a safehouse and then he's done. He's told "Someone else will take it from here," and he buzzes off.

We never see the crucial journey to Yavin.

And the reason we never see that is because it already exists somewhere else.

I know that the reason we only go this far is because the rest of her trip is covered by Star Wars Rebels 03x16 "Secret Cargo". An episode of a CGI cartoon from 2017 that aired on Disney XD and that you can find on Disney+. You probably know that too.

Chronologically, Andor 02x09 "Welcome to the Rebellion" and Rebels 03x16 "Secret Cargo" happen back-to-back.

But what if you didn't know that?

Star Wars gets hit especially hard by lack of an asterisk system due to the fact that it's an interweaving mesh of interquels. They don't write issue 1, issue 2, issue 3, etc. Issue 225 takes place right after Issue 37 but immediately before Issue 191, which means it happens simultaneously to Issue 13.

Remember that time the climactic resolution to Book of Boba Fett revolved around an unaired episode of Clone Wars? Star Wars is just... like that.

And if you know, you know. But if you don't know, there's not really a way to find out except by looking it up on Wookieepedia or something.

I think the MCU would benefit from working out some sort of "See xyz other property" notifier system for their movies and TV shows but more than that, I think Star Wars would benefit greatly from having some way to point to all the other Star Wars properties and go, "This is what I'm referencing."

[azaharinflames]

I think people really underestimate how quickly 911 resolves their conflicts. I never expected them to need a full two episodes to resolve their stuff because while 911 loves to set up conflict they don’t care much for the resolution. The two small scenes in 815 already got them half way there by showing the doors not closed and that Tommy still cares about Buck after their fight in 811. All that’s left really can be done in a two minute conversation. They’re never going to fully hash it out because 911 loves to resolve things off screen.

Can I kiss you on the forehead, Nonnie? Imma kiss you on the forehead, platonically. Mwaaah

I was going to do a post just on this later, but I'm honestly running late so I'll do a 2x1 lmao.

To set this up, I completely agree with you, and this is something I have been saying for weeks. 911 loves to create conflict, but they tend to rush through resolutions almost every single time. 811 and 815 were especially obvious in their intent of working through some of BT's issues in the background, as well as showing their intentions to each other and to the audience. And there is one thing the show doesn't want to be, especially with the screentime they have, and that is to be redundant. So, if they've shown it already, do they have to say it as well? Not really, right?

The way I see it since Tim gave his interview on how these eps focus on the grief the characters experience after losing Bobby, is that their lives are almost at a pause. They are going through grief and stuck in it in, and the episodes are meant to show us how they heal and learn to live with it. How they go back to their lives, still feeling Bobby's loss, but now able to face it and live with it. I think Tim's intentions are very clear here.

That's why I think it's strictly about their grief, just like 816 was. About Bobby's influence on them. About how that might shape how their see their lives, and their futures. And once we solve that (my bet is post MCE), then the show most likely will have the characters 'go back' to their lives, and will show us the full circle of their storylines for the season (being excited for the baby / having him for Madney, Mara's adoption for Henren, potentially; and Buck and Tommy). To me, this is the structure that makes sense and that I was expecting.

And with how fast 911 loves to solve conflict, I am fully expecting BT's reconciliation to be sweet and short, and perhaps lead into the montage or be a part of it.

One last thing: if the intention was to suddenly forget about them, they would have made it more obvious. As it is, the last thing they prioritise to highlight is that there is still a spark between them, right before Buck's life gets upended. Putting that moment there makes it so, when Buck can go back to his life, he can go back to that moment. Idk if that made sense lol.

[lemotmo]

🥰

Q. Okay but in all seriousness what could a third option really look like? Any ideas yet?

A. The only thing I can really think might be plausible as a third option is officially setting up the 'will they/won't they' in canon. But even that is going to require something during these last two episodes, particularly from Eddie. We've seen Buck be questioned about Eddie and we've seen Eddie's sexuality questioned to Buck, but we haven't seen Eddie questioned or be confronted about Buck. And we haven't had him face any kind of direct questioning about his sexuality. We're going to need one of those things to be addressed directly to Eddie in some form. But Eddie confirming any part of a possible Buck relationship, either by admitting feelings or questioning his own sexuality, already pretty much removes the will they/won't they factor. Because either one of those things happening is going to be canon confirmation that Buddie is happening. And I'm just not sure the opportunity the earthquake, and one or both of them being trapped, provides for a big dramatic confession will be too tempting for Tim/ABC to resist. That's a moment that could be reblogged, retweeted, regif'd and hyped for the entirety of the break leading into season 9. I just don't know if that's something Tim will be able to resist. It would also be a scene that both Oliver and Ryan would definitely share on their Instagrams. And ABC and Hulu would be able to use for promotion and season 9 teases. That's just really tempting, easy PR. And spending the 2 and a half month hiatus before production begins on season 9 being able to tease the return of Bobby as well as the new relationship between Buddie is basically a PR gift because those things sell themselves. So I'm mostly where I was earlier. I think we're getting a mutual confession. BUT I'm not certain and am being very cautious and am trying to talk myself out of it purely for my own sanity.

*but I have wanted an over the radio mutual confession forever. I want the dramatics of one of them thinking they're not going to survive and deciding they can't die without the other knowing how they feel. That's why I think Buck will be the trapped one because there's definitely a reason they didn't have Buck tell Bobby he loved him. I think that's coming into play in the season finale. And a dramatic over the radio confession allows others to hear it, which gives the opportunity for Chimney and Hen reactions, which we and they deserve. I have craved that for years. Then I want them to have a private moment for their first kiss and face to face mutual I love you between just the two of them.*

That's what I personally want but I will take and be happy with whatever way they decide to make them canon. I won't be picky. But God I want the radio confession. I want the desperation of both of them thinking this is the only chance they're going to get to say it. Ugh.

Thanks again Nonny!

I've given up on trying to talk myself out of anything at this point. I am ALL in.

Whatever they're serving? I'm eating. 🤷‍♀️

Let's go!!! 😄

Heads up! For anyone who is giving me the shifty eyes for reposting Ali's updates instead of reblogging. Read this.

Remember, no hate in comments, reblogs or inboxes. Let's keep it civil and respectful. Thank you.

If you are interested in more of Ali’s posts, you can find all of her posts so far under the tag: anonymous blog I love.

[saveahorserideaneddie]

fair warning: this is going to be a kinda negative/pessimistic post about the state if buddie in my mind, and is no way meant to cause any kind of anger in anyone who disagrees with me- you have every right to your opinion just like i have every right to mine- but i wanted to get my thoughts on the episode out into my echo chamber, so if you don’t want to read this please scroll now (those who would like to read please read under the cut, but do not come into my inbox or replies trying to start anything if you disagree bc you have been warned)🙏💕

the thing is i can’t even be mad at the episode because it was so reminiscent of the episodes that make me love this show as a show

but the buddie of it all was so disappointing…. like it felt like i was just watching any old episode with a buddie moment that will no doubt spark 50,000 edits and fanfics, but it wasn’t giving “these two are being set up for something more.”

it was literally just the same old buddie- like we got more close-to-going-canon energy in 8a than we did here, it was quite literally just the same dynamic they’ve had for seasons at this point, and while yeah they already act like a married couple, that’s what the GA is used to so if they were actually setting it up, wouldn’t they try to at least make a slight pivot into leaning more into the energy they have?

i’m tired so idk if i’m really articulating my thoughts as clearly as i’d like, but i hope y’all get what i’m trying to say here- like it definitely doesn’t feel like buck and eddie are being set up to like hate each other forever or that they are going to turn into sworn enemies or anything like that, but this ep very much was the same kind of “this is what the writers think best friends act like” energy that we’ve had since s2

i just wish we could have gotten something: a look, a moment, a glimpse of something that could be like “hey- this is different. this is new. you haven’t seen them like this before and that’s important.” but we got nothing like that.

i mean sure- the conversation with pepa was nice (after the random ass bombshell that she had a stroke which… ???? why was that not mentioned before OR taken into account when eddie was moving????) but it didn’t establish anything new for them; she just said “change is good” but like…. show us a hint of how things are going to change, y’know? it can’t be foreshadowing if there’s nothing of substance to support the foreshadowing (and at this point, we have one more episode of the season- are they seriously going to use all of this ryliver bait and all this “buddie” talk outside and not do anything in the show??)

bc like- until they confess and actually act on their feelings, they are not canon; because until there’s and actual action made, the writers have room to change their mind on things again, and suddenly the idea of buddie is getting pushed back to the end of season nine.

it’s been eight years. eight. years. and we’re no closer to buddie canon than we were at the start of s8. one of them may have a “feelings realization” next episode, but what will that be? just a prolonged glance? a face? something that can easily be explained away once ratings and viewership is up again and they don’t have to drag us along anymore? (until engagement inevitably drops again)

people keep talking about “we need pining” or “we need a slowburn” and im like, at this point anything hindering them from acting on their feelings is just delaying them actually going canon, and we run the risk of the writers just completely giving up (bc again- after eight years, the running in circles has to he exhausting for that writer’s room; it certainly is for me who has been here since day one)

if buddie have not confessed/acted on their feelings in any way after the next episode, then we need to accept that they are just blatantly attempting to queerbait us. because let’s be for real: if nothing happens next ep, what realistically could ryliver talk about pertaining to buddie’s future in these interviews? they won’t know anything, bc nothing has been developed or written. it would just be a whole bunch of “oh i guess we have to wait and see” shit.

which is why i still believe we are still being dragged along by the production to keep engagement going after it started tanking post-episode 15/16; because they have set up nothing for buddie in the finale (aside from individual moments maybe that don’t pertain to each other) and with a building collapse/explosion taking up an entire episode of screentime, we have no room for anything to be setup before credits roll.

overall- i didn’t hate the episode in terms of quality; it was well paced, written (aside from a couple nitpicks in character moments but nothing too drastic) and directed- and ofc the acting was amazing as usual- but from a buddie standpoint, it was not giving what all the buzz around buddie/eddie lately implied otherwise would be giving, and it looks like we’re just going to continue being baited throughout hiatus until they inevitably give one of them a new LI to “stir up drama” and then get stuck in the s6 situation where the show gets canceled and we’re stuck with nothing.

[jammatown919]

Chaos Counter 1

Welcome to my first weekly Chaos Counter, where I will be counting down the days to dates (both speculated and confirmed) relating to various Jurassic things, largely because I'm chewing drywall waiting for more Chaos Theory.

34 days (5 weeks) until Netflix Annecy on June 11-12. This is probably the absolute latest time that Chaos Theory season four will be officially announced. I was told that season two was announced at this event last year, but after some digging, we already had quite a bit for season two by June 7, which was a week before Annecy. So, there's definitely a solid chance of an announcement at some point before this, but we could also expect to see something at June 11's "Next on Netflix Animation" presentation, or June 12's discussion of their "full animation slate". Given the wording of "full animation slate", it seems like we have to hear something by June 12 at the very latest. It would also line up with Jurassic June hyping up all things Jurassic, but leave the next few weeks purely for Rebirth hype. I don't expect too much out of this, but at the very least confirmation from Netflix about season four (because while we know it's happening, it was an unofficial announcement from a Mattel employee), and hopefully some kind of release window or release date.

55 days (8 weeks) until Jurassic World: Rebirth releases in theaters on July 2. Those who are excited for the movie can enjoy, and those who just want more Chaos Theory can look forward to Jurassic's advertising space opening up once Rebirth has had its time in the spotlight.

77 days (11 weeks) until San Diego Comic Con begins on July 24. If there is a Chaos Theory panel, which there was last year, we could get a lot out of this. Last year, if I remember correctly, they screened two full episodes early. Depending on when season four releases, we could also see a trailer around this time, as a late August release is possible and trailers tend to drop a month before the season. It is also possible that we will get a release date around this time if we haven't already.

133 days (19.5 weeks) until September 18, which I think is a likely release date for season four. It's a Thursday this year, which is the most common day for seasons to drop, and the five-year anniversary of the first season of Camp Cretaceous. Purely speculation, of course, but this date feels extremely likely. However, based on previous patterns of release, late August is also a possibility, and so is roughly any time in September. I count down to this date specifically because it seems the most likely and because, as we get closer, we will get a more accurate date. Also, if I'm right about this date, we're already 20% of the way through the wait, which is neat.

I'll continue to update this counter weekly with new information. If anything particularly big happens (like an announcement) between posts, I'll update early.

(edited some of the weeks because apparently I can't count)

[girlacticrailroad]

friendly rivalry deep dive part 14

Episode 6 y’all let’s goooooo.

Jae-yi won’t reveal her secrets to Seul-gi yet this episode, but that’s okay because the first scene solves one mystery for us. We see Jae-yi sneak into her father’s office, unlock his desk, and take out a file with her sister’s name on it. In the file, she finds information about Seul-gi’s dad, stepmom, and Seul-gi herself.

So we now know that: (1) Jae-yi is looking for information about her sister, (2) Woo Do-hyeok is connected to Je-na in some way, and (3) Jae-yi started getting close to Seul-gi due to Do-hyeok’s connection with her sister. Seul-gi’s dad (rip) can no longer reveal anything, but maybe his daughter can.

Why does Jae-yi change Seul-gi’s name to “Princess” in her phone? In the interview I’ve referenced a few times already, Hye-ri mentions that viewers have tended to interpret all of Jae-yi’s actions “through the lens of love” even when that wasn’t the intention. Sadly...I don’t think Jae-yi has love on the brain here. She hasn’t even met Seul-gi yet!

A cynical interpretation makes more sense to me. If she gives Seul-gi a name, she’s a person. But if she’s just a word—just a picture on a flyer—it’s easier to forget her humanity. In this moment we can see Jae-yi’s plan to use Seul-gi as a tool start to take shape.

Then we flash foward and—oh no what’s this? Her tool has feelings? And she’s *really* cute when she’s angry? Abort mission!!

One thing I haven’t paid much attention to so far is Jae-yi’s ears and when they twitch. (Yes, this show will have you analyzing the way a character’s ears move. It’s a disease.) This user noted on X that her ears move when Seul-gi asks to sit next to her again (and that it’s very puppy-like awww), and I think they also twitch when Seul-gi takes her hand at the end of Epiosde 2. Her ears move again in this scene when Seul-gi says her full name and demands an answer from her.

(Seul-gi had been using the casual affectionate -ya suffix for Jae-yi until now. Does anyone know the first time Seul-gi addresses Jae-yi that way? My gut tells me it was in Episode 3 but I haven’t gone back to check.)

Based on the first two moments, you could say that her ears move when Jae-yi is pleased about something—both are moments when Everything Is Going According to Plan. But this moment feels a bit different. Is she pleased about being cornered and told off? (I mean, maybe because it’s Seul-gi she’s into it...)

When dogs pull their ears back, it can be a sign of submission, and this is the first time that Jae-yi essentially admits defeat. For once, she doesn’t have a clever response. She dismisses Seul-gi’s question and tries to escape.

But Seul-gi isn’t about to let her run away. In another first for Friendly Rivalry, *she* is the one who grabs Jae-yi’s hand. The dynamic we’ve come to expect, with Jae-yi in the active dominant role, has been turned upside-down.

Well, almost—but not quite. Jae-yi doesn’t let it happen. She slips out of Seul-gi’s grasp and smiles.

I *love* this little interaction! It’s so perfect. Apparently the smile was improvised by Hye-ri on the spot, and once again I’m floored by how in touch she is with this character. Because this cocky little smirk to mask her surprise is sooo Jae-yi. 

First-time viewers at this point might be asking, Is Jae-yi really into Seul-gi, or is she just playing with her?

For second-time viewers, there’s no doubt our girl is ten toes down. There was lots of subtle evidence sprinkled throughout Episode 5 that Jae-yi is attached. Her emotions are slipping through the cracks in her facade more and more. She’s upset that Seul-gi is giving her the cold shoulder. When Seul-gi sneakily leads her to the teacher’s room to confront her about Na-ri, she takes the bait. 

On a second watch, the question of her loyalty is replaced by a more interesting one, imo. It’s not just Does Jae-yi really love Seul-gi?—yes, times infinity—but Is Jae-yi’s love strong enough to overcome her desire for control?

Can her love transcend her father’s curse?

As of now—not yet. When Seul-gi tries to take her hand, she recoils, the same way she did with Je-na as kids. It’s not that she doesn’t want to touch Seul-gi—she can hardly keep her hands off the poor girl. It’s being touched that triggers her reflex to pull away. Because being touched means she isn’t calling the shots. It means there’s a chance someone might find a way under her armor and touch skin.

Her heart is in the game—but she’s still treating her relationship with Seul-gi as a game, and she’s losing. In this episode we’ll see her rely on some of her old bad habits in her desperation to win Seul-gi back.

As for Seul-gi, she’s still trying to figure out if Jae-yi is someone she can, literally and figuratively, hold onto—and for now that’s also a no. She’s been suspicious of Jae-yi’s kindness from the beginning. She let her guard down for a moment and got burned for it. Now she can’t even get a straight answer out of the woman. Jae-yi’s slipperiness is opening up her old wounds and reawakening her trust issues.

Like Jae-yi, we’ll see Seul-gi fall back into old patterns of behavior in this episode. Both girls are struggling against the ways they’ve learned how to survive.

Meanwhile Gyeong, the most antagonistic toward Seul-gi of the main cast members, starts warming up to her. (I love how the day after she has her gay awakening, Seul-gi just asks Gyeong point-blank if she has a crush on her—like, hey, might be worth finding out who else is for the ladies around these parts.) At a student assembly, Gyeong reveals her discovery about Seul-gi’s father. When Seul-gi follows her home, Gyeong explains her theory: Jae-yi’s dad doesn’t want the malpractice lawsuit to tarnish his hospital’s reputation. He needs to find a way to settle. If Seul-gi’s stepmom is too stubborn, then maybe Seul-gi is the key.

According to Gyeong, Jae-yi has only been cozying up to Seul-gi for her father’s sake. The goal is to befriend her so she’ll be more willing to sign the settlement papers.

Gyeong surprised me in this episode. I thought I had her figured out. But her oddly self-aware confession to Seul-gi (she’s not being nice out of the goodness of her heart, but doing it to get back at Jae-yi, because of her inferiority complex) made me consider her from a new angle.

After all, we know why Jae-yi has a grudge against Gyeong, and vice versa—but why does Gyeong immediately dislike Seul-gi so much? All she’s said is that she doesn’t want an unknown “bumpkin” hanging out with their clique.

I think there might be more to it than that. (When is there ever *not* more to it than that with this series...) Gyeong knows her relationship with Jae-yi is far from friendship at this stage: it’s grown cold and transactional, with bitterness on both sides. She uses her connection with Jae-yi for her own personal gain, and at the same time hates that she relies on Jae-yi for anything.

Then Seul-gi comes along and Jae-yi showers her with attention and affection...the same way she used to treat Gyeong. That has to sting. Seul-gi is a reminder of the friendship that Gyeong lost. Maybe even a reminder of the something more that she and Jae-yi could have had?

That’s why Gyeong needs to believe that Jae-yi’s kindness toward Seul-gi is just a dirty trick—because if it’s real, that would mean all of Jae-yi’s affection toward her had been real once, too. It would mean Jae-yi hadn’t been her nemesis from the beginning, but someone who genuinely loved her, platonically or otherwise.

Gyeong can’t accept that. It’s not pure logic that leads her to suspect Jae-yi of duplicity—there’s an emotional undercurrent pulling her in that direction, too.

The end of this conversation is...mysterious. Or is it? Gyeong asks Seul-gi if she has any painkillers for period cramps, and Seul-gi replies, no, you dork, I’m poor. We know Gyeong also suffers from hernia pain, so I thought she might be lying to get pain meds for her back...but then later she goes to a doctor and asks for an IUD. It sure is a classic rich kid move to try to bum drugs off your poor orphan friend. Is the implication that she doesn’t want to ask her mom for help? That she’s too busy studying to take care of herself? That she suspects Seul-gi of being a drug user...or dealer? I feel like there might be some subtext that I’m missing.

Speaking of drug dealers, how’s Jae-yi doing? Not well apparently :( In one of her lowest moments, she bombs Seul-gi with a series of desperate messages trying to convince her she’ll need help to study for midterms. It’s...pretty sad. Jae-yi has always been clingy and manipulative, but she’s never been so open about it. As someone who isn’t used to losing, or rejection, being beaten and rejected by the person she cares about most seems to have sent her into a downward spiral.

Then comes one of my favorite scenes from this episode. Showing no sign of the desperation we just saw in her messages, a lethargic and dead-eyed Jae-yi speaks to a nurse drawing her blood. The nurse is freaked out by the way Jae-yi stares at the needle as it pierces her skin. Jae-yi says she wants to know exactly when the needle goes in to prepare herself. The nurse responds, but doesn’t it hurt the same either way?

Oh, Jae-yi, you sad little weirdo. How I love you.

This is another one of those scenes that’s so rich, I could dedicate a whole post to it. On one level it’s about control, and how Jae-yi tries to maintain a sense of control in situations where she has none. She can’t stop the needle, or the pain. But she masters them (or imagines that she does) by refusing to look away—by watching, and bracing herself.

This is a theme that will come up with Jae-yi again and again: her need to exert “control” over the future by anticipating it.

But the nurse casts doubt on this habit. Is it really a form of control? Or is Jae-yi only letting her fear control *her*? The needle will still hurt one way or the other.

(Any theories out there, by the way, about why she might be having her blood drawn in this scene?)

Of course this scene isn’t really about needles. This conversation makes it clearer than ever that Jae-yi is depressed. The nurse says that Jae-yi has trouble sleeping, a common symptom of depression. (Another symptom is intrusive thoughts of death, and we’ll later learn that Jae-yi thinks about death—a lot.) Jae-yi then asks the nurse to take more blood, despite looking exhausted. Risky self-destructive behavior? Depression baybeeee.

I think this scene is also, in a sneaky way, about Seul-gi. You can tell Jae-yi is thinking about Seul-gi because (1) when is she ever not, and (2) she mentions that she slept really well last night—the night that Seul-gi slept over. With a smile, she says she’s running on “stored-up sleep.” Her night with Seul-gi is, I think maybe literally, the only thing keeping her going right now.

Jae-yi is facing a pain worse than a needle prick—her girl is ghosting her, and it’s exacerbating her depressive symptoms, and she doesn’t have any way of getting her back. She has no control over Seul-gi anymore.

Other people might look away and try to forget. But not Jae-yi. She’s going to handle the situation like she always does: by watching, and preparing. She’s decided to wait for an opening.

Jae-yi isn’t the only one going through a rough patch. From the state of her apartment, Seul-gi’s stepmom also seems to be going through it. Seul-gi cleans up the cans, dishes, and clothes scattered around when she comes home—but then she gets suspicious. Her stepmom never mentioned the malpractice lawsuit to her. Why is she keeping it a secret?

Seul-gi searches her stepmother’s room for clues: she finds unused pregnancy tests, her dad’s life insurance policy, and...several more green envelopes like the one she found in the mail in Episode 4. Now we finally learn what they contain: sinister messages, outlined in black crayon on a colored background (no handwriting that way), hinting that Woo Do-hyeok’s death was not an accident. Are these messages what prompted the lawsuit?

Instead of trusting the evidence all around that her stepmother is a grieving woman barely keeping it together, Seul-gi’s defenses detect a threat. If Jae-yi never really cared about her, what if her stepmom doesn’t care about her, either? What if she’s only trying to cash out and run?

At the dinner table, Seul-gi vents her fears and suspicions while her stepmom listens silently. She doesn’t confirm or deny what Seul-gi says, so we’re left to wonder if there’s any truth to the accusations.

Personally, I think her stepmom probably just didn’t want to burden Seul-gi with everything she knows. She suspects that Do-hyeok’s death had something to do with Je-na, and the spooky anonymous messages are a lot to explain to a kid whose father just died. She’s trying to protect Seul-gi, but Seul-gi is struggling to see good intentions in anyone right now.

*EDIT* It was pointed out to me in the comments that Seul-gi doesn’t actually confront her stepmom about the lawsuit. She imagines a confrontation, but holds back. I think this makes it even clearer that Seul-gi is losing faith in other people. Even though she suspects her stepmom of planning to betray her, she’s wary of revealing what she knows—maybe because she’s afraid she’ll get kicked out. It’s also reminiscent of the way she feigns ignorance to manipulate Jae-yi.

The next scene illustrates how Jae-yi’s betrayal hasn’t just eroded Seul-gi’s trust in others, but in herself too. All her insecurities have come flooding back: She really is alone. Maybe she was never that special. Maybe without her grades she’s nothing. Maybe without her pills she’s nothing.

The teacher hands out a book of mock tests from previous years and tells the kids to start memorizing. (I love how there are zero scenes of actual teaching in this series.) Seul-gi is about to do as the teacher says, when she looks around the room and sees every other student putting the book away and carrying on as usual. It’s a moment that puts us directly in Seul-gi’s shoes. Are these mock test questions actually useful or not? If they don’t use the book, how is everyone else studying? It’s like the whole class is in on some big secret.

(I would also like to know their secret. Why *does* no one else use the book? Is it too inefficient, when they have access to targeted study materials? Is no one else underprivileged enough to need it?)

Seul-gi has another underwater vision, but this time, her whole class is down there with her, each hunched over their desk inside their own little bubble. Back in Episode 1, I said I didn’t like the bubble imagery, but I really like it here. Seul-gi isn’t the only one isolated in this class—rivalry isolates everyone from each other. They’re under the same pressure, but there’s no support or solidarity to be found.

With her confidence shaken, Seul-gi needs more than ever to prove herself. And she’s convinced there’s only one way to ace midterms: drugs.

Unfortunately her stolen stash is nearly used up. She hits the streets to solve the problem herself, as she did with the school uniform, but again her insistence on self-reliance backfires. She doesn’t have the time or the money to get her fix by legal means.

Her last resort is an acquaintance from the orphanage, Su-jin, who we haven’t met before—but the fact that Seul-gi doesn’t call right away, and the “??” after Su-jin’s name on her list, suggest she’s dreading the interaction.

Instead it’s Su-jin who calls, begging for money, clearly not doing well. Seul-gi hangs up and blocks the number. Her survival mindset has dulled any compassion she might feel. Su-jin is just further proof that she can’t rely on anyone.

Then by luck Seul-gi figures out how the local Chaehwa drug ring works. Thankfully they advertise on social media. Remember A-ra and her paper cranes, and the sanitary pads? We witnessed our first drug deal earlier this episode, when Beom-su came running into the classroom pretending to need a pad in a hurry, and A-ra passed her a box. (Kind of a genius way to do the handoff in broad daylight tbh.) Now we learn how A-ra recruits her customers: her paper cranes all have verification codes written on them.

Seul-gi orders thirty pills and A-ra arranges a pick-up at the skate park later that night. But A-ra isn’t the brains behind the operation. She’s chatting with someone else: the supplier.

Now we finally get our confirmation that, yes, Jae-yi somehow finds time in her busy schedule to deal drugs.

Question: Why? I don’t think her motive is ever clearly explained. She certainly doesn’t need the money. It’s a loose thread that invites lots of speculation. I’ve heard the theory that she’s plotting to fake her death from the very first episode, and starts selling drugs to raise money for her new life.

Personally, I don’t think so. There’s way more evidence that Jae-yi is suicidally depressed than there is evidence pointing toward that kind of scheme.

But that leaves the question open: What does Jae-yi gain from this side hustle?

I think the simplest answer is that it’s another one of the “sins” she starts committing in her prologue. Like those other sins, it’s more reckless behavior. (What else are you supposed to do when you’re a clinically depressed gifted kid with access to way too many pills?) Also like those sins, it’s a kind of rebellion against her father.

This is maybe the most direct way that she rebels. She’s stealing the drugs from his hospital and selling them to students at the school he sponsors—and she’s his daughter. If she got caught, his reputation would take a massive hit. If she doesn’t get caught, she still gets the satisfaction of breaking every imaginable rule right under his nose.

A-ra tells Jae-yi that their new buyer is probably “the new kid” and that’s all it takes. Her opening has arrived. How long do you think it takes her to throw on her drug dealer outfit and leave the house? I’m guessing about...seven seconds? Six and a half?

Let’s address the elephant in the room. Huge spoiler warning if for some reason you haven’t watched the show?? (Seriously go watch it if you haven’t.) Before Jae-yi leaves to meet up with Seul-gi for the exchange, we see her in the pharmacy holding a bottle of pills clearly marked Consotine—the pill that Seul-gi has ordered. Later Jae-yi tells her that they are all out of Consotine at the pharmacy, so she brought some of the Real Good Designer Shit instead. 

Even on the first time around, we know this is a lie, but on a second watch, we know the truth: Instead of Consotine, Jae-yi gives Seul-gi harmless multivitamins.

I think this helps us see where Jae-yi is in her character arc. All this time she’s been selling drugs to her fellow students without remorse. But now, because it’s Seul-gi, she swaps out the drugs for a placebo. That’s not the kind of decision you can make without any reflection or self-awareness.

She has to know. She has to know she’s going to absurd lengths just for the chance to talk to Seul-gi again. Seul-gi is much more than a tool or a face on a poster to her now—she’s a person Jae-yi wants to protect.

And that’s what makes the tension in this scene so electric, no matter how many times you watch it. This is Jae-yi at her most paradoxical. At Peak Antihero. Even with her heart firmly in the right place, she’s indulging in—reveling in—all her most toxic traits.

Because it’s fun.

Look at her! She is having the time of her life. This is clearly the first time that Jae-yi has felt the will to live in ages. Finally, she has some leverage!

This scene isn’t about one addict—it’s about two. Seul-gi needs the reassurance that Consotine provides, and Jae-yi needs the thrill of the game.

If you set aside the knowledge that Jae-yi isn’t actually obliterating Seul-gi’s mind with some unknown substance, her behavior is still not cool. I mean, it’s very cool, but bad. Bad Jae-yi. The first thing she does is deliberately undermine Seul-gi’s confidence: So your great study secret is doing drugs, huh? Then she lies about the Consotine to intimidate her. Then she undermines her confidence again, saying that she’ll never be able to succeed without drugs because everyone else at Chaehwa is doing them. (Then she does some skateboard tricks because she’s a huge dork.) Then she pulls out some classic Jae-yi manipulation, baiting Seul-gi with the promise of revealing how she obtained her personal info, but only if she can score higher on the midterm test. And finally she tops it off by giving her the cram school study materials which she just so happens to have to make Seul-gi even more dependent on and indebted to her.

She anticipated, and she came prepared.

Jae-yi is playing a role here again—the mysterious bad girl—and she’s even dressed for the part. Being in love with Seul-gi hasn’t changed the fact that she’s in love with the game itself. And in this game she’s willing to do almost anything to win. Even if that means ruthlessly exploiting every one of Seul-gi’s insecurities.

Centrum is a hell of a drug.

Wait. Did I do it? Did I finish a whole episode in one post??

Well, I cheated a little. I skipped the Ye-ri scenes in this episode because we’re going to learn a lot more about her in Episode 7. I’ll cover those scenes in the next entry, when I analyze her prologue. Until then!

[kerorowhump]

So ok I wanted to make a post talking about my thoughts on ep110 but I feel like they're gonna be scattered but bear with me

I think the most important thing I wanted to mention is that the way the starfruit is described feels symbolic of what Keroro actually wants deep down

essentially a hybrid of the best of both, coming together into a single unit. all keroro does want is for keron and earth to co-exist in harmony, but his flawed way of imagining that is explored a bit more in 110b.

Any sort of invasion, even a peaceful one, despite being the best possible scenario for him in the situation he's in, still implies changing things about earth in order to achieve it and... as he realized, he doesn't want that!

Having a nightmare about successfully invading... Even with the starfruit representing literally the best possible scenario. It highlights his impossible task, but it also served to make him reflect about the invasion and his feelings on it at all.

In fact this whole episode is huge in this regard because the whole reason he got sick in the first place was stress and failure to adapt (hey! remember those old posts I made about how he doesn't quite feel at home on either planet and even though he loves earth it feels unwelcoming too in many aspects...) and it's easy to see why, normally we can see his stress, but this season won't let us forget (thanks to that beautiful timer device). With this constant reminder of what he has to do, where usually he likes to not think about it at all.

Coming to terms with his feelings towards earth and his own role in regards to it when it comes to invading, realizing you don't want anything to change about it really, in the second half that is.

The entire first half he spends it severely downplaying his negative feelings, which is nothing new, he often does this.

Trudging through his daily tasks sluggishly, doesn't ask for help or complain at all, actually the opposite is true.

Losing strength and physically lighter, like someone who doesn't want to be a weight and can't stand up for what he believes in. Ready to give up.

The kind of lethargy one experiences when under extreme pressure (and already depressed if I'm allowed to add), which is why when he tastes the starfruit (which again, what it represents...) which is one new positive thing he hadn't experienced before (something to keep going for), he literally breaks down in tears. And then attaches way too much importance to it (in a dream yes, but that's still his subconscious so, if anything it counts more).

Normal phrase to say for someone whose feelings are totally stable and not at all experiencing an extreme low. Normal tantrum behavior showing perfectly fine emotional regulation, not dramatic at all.

So anyway in my opinion from what I've observed so far anime keroro really isn't one to explicate his real feelings/needs or even do much self reflection on them at all. Normally, these occur when he's under huge stress. On average he has tantrums or indulges in escapism.

When Aki asks him a simple question on it, he has to stop and think about it, despite literally almost dying from the severity of them. My alexithymia king.

And then and only then, when it feels like he'll actually be listened to (by the way, getting ignored seems to be a big trigger for him! just based on observing his reactions... when people don't pay attention to him or praise something else while he's there... and stuff like that), does he say it in a way that feels so understated.

But to me it's really huge, because I don't think he has ever admitted these two facts so naturally. Or at all?

And as I said the shot with the timer feels especially devious in this context, it's a reminder to us the viewer that anyway how Keroro feels about the invasion doesn't matter, because he really has no agency or choice about it at this point. It's also a visual reminder of the obvious other underlying reason for his stress, that he doesn't outright say, but is shown to us regardless.

I think maybe, in such a context, even praise for a job well done could start mattering less to him, because the outcome is what's unfavorable, the thing he dreads.

That might be why this did nothing for him. Throughout the day so many duties, things he has to do, but not many times that he's asked how he feels about it (which is why he often ends up snapping in extreme ways). Like "what's the point?" of even thinking about it, if the situation is set in stone no matter what?

And I know Aki said may disease and we settled on that, it's the closest thing for sure, it lends a description for the type of disappointment he feels about what he has to do. But I do feel like it's not about "may" for him, it's more long lasting, it's just reaching a boiling point now due to the set timer. And may disease (while not clinically recognized) is best described as a type of minor depression. Keroro doesn't really have responsibilities tied to japan school/work (even if it's representing it), so you also have to see the bigger picture of it here... of why it manifested... He himself says he carries stress and unease every day. So it's not limited to may, it's circumscribed to his situation.

So yeah that's it these were my thoughts on the ep

[mortalscience]

criminal minds 18x1 expanded thoughts

I already yapped about the Garvez stuff over here!

Tyler was so fucking cute oh my god. I love him. I've been looking forward to Luke and Tyler getting along and we're getting it already! The two of them being army buddies with their dog tags and Luke being like YOU'RE COMING TOO and Tyler's little answering happy smile and Luke and Tyler telling each other nice work after they rescued the victims and Luke grilling Tyler, the cute little trainee he is. It was GREAT. Luke is way too much of a puppy dog to hold on to his own grudge and since Penelope and Tyler patched things up and moved on, Luke can move on too and now he's got a little friend. I bet they have play dates lmao.

Also it fucking KILLED ME when they asked Tyler what requests he put in for field assignments and he said DC "to be close to you guys, of course" YOU GUYS. HE FOUND HIS FAMILY. He's like "these people saved me, I'm loyal to them now." Actual golden retriever Tyler Green. Oh and the shot of him looking so happily at his lil badge oh my GODDDDD.

Voit's TBI - I mentioned this elsewhere on Tumblr already but they brought up the traumatic brain injuries of Voits, which is a hot topic regarding football players who get some severe TBI through their careers, and many of them become aggressive and violent. So I wonder if that will be the focus of Ochoa's research, and also some of the basis of what the angle might be regarding Voit having some humanity in him.

Scattershot stuff: Penelope's eye makeup and popcorn necklace were so cute and I couldn't stop admiring them. I think Voit arranged his own attack as a method of escape (hence why he had a knife stashed and killed the other guys) but accidentally got more injured than intended. Rebecca! I'm glad she's back. I enjoyed Luke providing the little backup to Tara when she was giving the profile to the company representatives ("murders are more important than 401ks"). Emily and Rossi on their little side quest regarding Voit is I guess how the show has decided to split up the ongoing arc vs the unsub of the week. It kind of made their story a little more ho-hum but I'm sure it will all come together soon. LMAO at the comment about Voit being in a coma but still all up in Rossi's business. So fucking true. And last but not least, JJ/Cheetos OTP.

Penelope, my Penelope. I've seen a loooot of takes crossing my dash the past day and there's obviously a lot of controversy about her actions and statements. Everyone's entitled to their opinions, and so here's mine, coming at you:

It's my freakish empathy. It's giving you the heebies.

I feel like her wish to see some spark of humanity in Voit completely tracks with her character throughout the show. "She wouldn't do that." And it's something she's done multiple times before, lol.

Penelope wrote letters to Greg Baylor, who tried to kill Spencer. Spencer, her best friend! Penelope campaigned the governor to try to get Baylor off death row. She went to see him before he was executed despite Derek absolutely laying into her over it. She honored Baylor's wish not to die alone, and she witnessed his execution, was with him in his final moments. Again, this is a guy who murdered multiple people and tried to kill Spencer and surely would have killed her too if needed. Penelope did this.

Penelope spent years ignoring her parents' killer, Jesse Wilson. In that episode with his parole hearing, the characters remark about how Penelope had never gone to any of the parole hearings before. Which is strange, right? You'd think she'd want to be there to support her brothers even if she didn't speak. But I always thought it was because she knew herself, she knew her own tendencies, and she knew if she met him she would not be able to stop herself from having an empathetic response, and she didn't want that to happen because of course she was justifiably angry about their deaths. But.. that's exactly what happened, when she finally met him and talked with him. She stood up in that hearing and advocated for Wilson's release, despite knowing how much it would piss off Carlos (and presumably the other brothers). No matter any other consequence, no matter what anyone else thought, Penelope's empathy won out.

Now whether or not you think this is a GOOD character trait is a different issue but IMHO Penelope's reaction to Voit is completely in keeping with previous displays of this same level of "freakish empathy." The fact she even calls it that herself means she's completely aware it's a lil crazy, but. It's who she is.

And to me, I think her desperate need to see something "salvageable" in Voit actually has little to do with Voit himself, and more to do with Penelope's unwillingness to live in a world where pure, unadulterated, irredeemable evil exists. She has enough trouble coping with the trauma of everything she sees and has seen, but I think the concept of Actual Monsters is maybe just too scary for her. that's a world that's just a little too dark for her. I think she thinks if she can convince herself that there's some small spark of humanity in Voit, that there's hope for others, that serial killers are made, not born, and that maybe one day there's a future where no more serial killers exist.

SO there's my thoughts on it. I think it makes sense for her character and I also like it because I like that this is the particular way that Penelope is a little fucked up.

ANYWAY THAT'S JUST HOW I FEEL ABOUT IT.

IN SUMMARY: I LOVED IT, IT WAS GORGEOUS AND WONDERFUL AND PERFECT, EVERYTHING IS RAINBOWS AND NOTHING HURTS.

[theflagscene]

Not Kant asking little bro Babe to help him win over his man! Lol, that’s so cute! It’s funny because the whole ‘do it for the cops’ thing went out the window the second Kant saw Bison’s face. He only accepted because it led him to being able to see Bison again, the dude was love struck the second he saw him in the bowling alley. If he wasn’t serious about it—for himself, not hot daddy Captain Christ—he’d still be whoring around and getting laid whenever he felt like it, just like he was before he met Bison.

[s0fter-sin]

one of my favourite aspects of supernatural that you very rarely see in paranormal shows is that sam and dean are already versed in the world they live in. there’s no sudden discovery of ghosts and demons and now they have to learn about them along with the audience; they are born into it and already know all about it. it allows the audience to follow their personal story instead of also trying to figure out this new world and its rules

the first season is full of knowledge we never see them learn; “w*ndigoes are in the minnesota woods or- or northern michigan. i’ve never even heard of one this far west.” […] “great. well then this [his gun] is useless.” (1x02), “you don’t break a curse. you get the hell out of its way.” (1x08), d: “it’s a god. a pagan god, anyway.” […] “the annual cycle of its killings? and the fact that the victims are always a man and a woman. like some kind of fertility right.” […] s: “the last meal. given to sacrificial victims. d: “yeah, i’m thinking a ritual sacrifice to appease some pagan god.” (1x11)

almost every episode in the first season is a monster they’ve faced before that they then explain to the audience in a way that should feel patronising; like it’s the same speech given over and over again but instead, the audience almost feels included in the knowledge. it’s stated with such an innate confidence and comfort in said knowledge that it feels like we already knew it too; “spirits and demons don't have to unlock doors. if they want inside, they just go through the walls.” […] “the claws, the speed that it moves; could be a skinwalker, maybe a black dog.” (1x02), “it's biblical numerology. you know noah's ark, it rained for forty days. the number means death.” (1x04), “no no no, not the reaper, a reaper. there's reaper lore in pretty much every culture on earth, it goes by 100 different names.” […] “you said it yourself that the clock stopped, right? reapers stop time. and you can only see 'em when they're coming at you which is why i could see it and you couldn't.” (1x12)

they already know and, at least in the first season, already have what they need to kill whatever they’re hunting; already know to salt and burn bones for spirits, fire for a w*ndigo, exorcisms for demons, a silver bullet to the heart for shapeshifters. there’s only three times in the entire first season that they run into something new to them; 1x14 when sam gets his first vision that leads him to another psychic, 1x16 when dean calls caleb for help on the sigil he put together and he tells him about daevas, and 1x20 when they find out vampires are real- and they only don’t know that bc john thought they were hunted to extinction and not worth mentioning

(there’s also technically two half instances if you count one of them knowing something the other doesn’t - sam figuring out the tulpa in 1x17 and dean already knowing about the shtriga in 1x18 - but those still rely on sam and dean having prior knowledge)

even when they’re uncertain about facing something, it’s not bc they don’t know what it is; it’s precisely bc they know what it is and acknowledge that it’ll be a difficult hunt (“i don't know, man. this isn't our normal gig. i mean, demons, they don't want anything, just death and destruction for its own sake. this is big. and i wish dad was here.” 1x04)

so much of the tension in paranormal shows typically comes from the main character(s) not knowing what is happening to them/the people around them and having to find out how to resolve it. supernatural is unique in that it operates more like a police procedural. the tension comes from solving the clues and identifying patterns to figure out who (what) the killer is and intercepting before they can take another victim

it’s such a different tone to go for when compared to other shows that came both before, during, and after its run. it sets sam and dean on even footing with each other since they both have the same knowledge going in, and it puts them in a place of authority usually reserved for an outside character

the shows i compare spn to most is charmed, buffy and teen wolf; every main character in those shows are brought into the paranormal world knowing nothing, putting them on the same level as the audience, and they have their mc interact with others already knowledgeable about that world in order to overcome their problem/monster of the week. the audience organically learns about this new world as the characters learn about it. it’s a sound writing strategy that prevents “as we already know”-style exposition but something that complicates it is if your world building isn’t unique or intriguing enough, this slow introduction can become boring

we’ve seen shows like these before; sitting through the same tropes of characters learning to use their powers, struggling with no longer feeling normal/relating to the regular world around them, and not knowing how much they can trust the people already involved in this new world gets repetitive. all three shows eventually reach the same level of comfort with their new world that spn starts with but if the characters aren’t enough to draw you in, you can end up dropping it before they reach that point (and often, before the overarching plot can really kick in and evolve the show beyond the villain of the week format)

it’s the superhero origin movie in tv format; dragged out and overplayed. dropping the audience into an established world of course comes with its own problems but you also have the benefit of pre-existing established character dynamics that let the audience slot in like they’ve always been there instead of just getting to know all the characters while the characters also get to know each other

sam and dean already knowing about the supernatural lets the audience immediately get to the core of the story; the conflict between sam and dean, the search for their father, and the mystery of what killed their mother

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

So, I started watching Link Click...