#tw; institutionalized abuse

[compassionatereminders]

And to those who don't know, Paris Hilton was a victim of the Troubled Teen Industry in her late teens and spent literal years in horribly abusive institutions based on hard labor where the conditions LITERALLY killed people. So when she did her "lol I don't need to know what work is because I'm pretty" or whatever later on as a young adult, that was mainly because she wasn't ready to face that trauma publicly because she was literally forced to work her fucking ass off in the most literal physical sense of the word for years

[auschizm]

I was put on a pretty high dose of anti psychotics as a young teen (high enough to make anyone who takes it who hasn't developed some sort of tolerance to literally pass out within an hour and sleep for like, the next 12-24 hours), I wasnt diagnosed w any schizospec disorder (they just "suspected" schizophrenia on my file) because the clinic I was institutionalized in basically passed out anti psychotics like candy. At times like 70% of the ward was on them, but usually just 1 or 2 kids with an actual schizospec diagnosis. They just loved sedating us tbh.

Over the next like 8 years I kept going on and off anti psychotics, mostly the same one but mixing it up towards the end as well. What I found the worst (sort of, with some hyperbole. if you dont consider lasting neurological issues and some other wild dogshit it caused in my life over those years) is how uneducated every single psych I had was about the anti psychotics that they were Actively Prescribing People.

They didnt know common side effects including tardive dyskenesia, which I have to this day. I had to argue with them so theyd look up literature on it so they'd even believe my experience. They always were suspicious of me wanting to change my dose. They would make me switch meds without tapering the old one (?!), most of them never ordered the tests necessary to monitor your physical health while on anti psychotics (I forgot the names of the tests right now, oops)... often refusing to monitor me as i taper off of them because they didnt "agree" with it, finally one time my GP said he would monitor it. etcetc.

I dont really like... have a point to this. I just wanted to get this out for now.

I'm not even saying they dont help during phases of acute delusion (tho they never actually touch my 'long term' ones lol).. it's just that. At least here no psych seems to know what the fuck they're prescribing people anyways, so how the fuck am I supposed to trust them or work with them at all? I just gave up and have been unmedicated for a year now after tapering them myself as usual. I honestly dont miss it much at all.

I'm really angry you had to experience this. That the doctors who were supposed to help you did this instead. I can relate, and I'm sending my love and solidarity ❤️

[immortalvipers]

Ponder Your Way, Find Your Key

It is about time that children trapped in emotionally abusive environments take charge and bombard Child Protective Services (CPS) and demand change. CPS is incompetent and extremely unlikely to actually take charge in situations of emotional neglect. There are times where they even succumb to the manipulation of the abusers and deem the children as the problem. As people with personal experiences, we do not recommend turning to CPS if you are being emotionally abused. A post on Reddit phrased it beautifully. Click here for the link. While emotional abusive is important for CPS to take seriously and genuinely help the victims reach their goals, we highly suggest reading the comments on the post. It is valuable information to consider while fighting for childrens rights. There are plentiful discussions of possible solutions. Such as CPS workers to take extensive studies on emotional abuse and how the abusers are expert manipulators.

(the links to that research are included in the post)

As pointed out in the screenshot above, the abusers are helped to see their own actions and be enlightened to change their ways. However, the likelihood of redemption is depressingly low. The parents who refuse to change their ways in continuing occurrences need to be held more accountable. Many, many forms of emotional abuse are institutionalized. This needs to change. While you have every belonging to feel upset and enraged to fight for your progression, be wise in the steps that you will take to achieve It, but do not succumb to mental deterioration that comes your way. You are worth fighting for.

[please-picturemeintheweeds]

cw: historic psychiatric abuse, institutionalization, dentistry(?), WAOLOM

Was doing research for a work thing and was reading about a woman who was forcibly institutionalized and wasn’t “getting better” so they removed organs and did all sorts of other horrific stuff that didn’t “work” but the treatment that finally cured her was removing all her teeth, and she was sent home. And like!!!! Don’t you worry folks, we took out all her teeth!!!!!!! Just! it’s so visceral!!! And I love that in the song/album, it also has a double meaning of like taking the teeth out of an argument/case. And in the performance, it’s like she’s the ghost of all these women who were burned at the stake and tortured by the medical industrial complex and silenced in court, and all the people screaming along with her are like truly excorsizing some generational traumatic demons (like a dark Marjorie situation)

[kim-poce]

Full House/Pet-verse question: How do people become pets? Eri pretty much immediately clocked Day and Night as guard dogs, so were they born for that purpose (how German Shepherds are bred to be attack dogs) or were they rounded up somehow and, because of their size, designated guard dogs and trained accordingly?

BBU Worldbuilding. Heed the warnings.

CW: BBU (boy box universe), pet whump, institutionalized slavery, human trafficking (including children), kidnapping (including children), child abuse in general just to be sure, talks of sex slavery, racism, classism, ableism, noncon body modification (includes mutilation), food control, near death experience, torture, brainwashing, long term captivity, minor whumpee. If I forgot to tag anything PLEASE let me know.

Officially, pets are people who signed up to the facility. There are laws for it; adult applicants must have a witness, underage applicants as young as 12 years old must have the guardian’s permission and at least three witnesses; after a test, the applicant can choose which, from the given option, kind of pet they wish to be. No children under 12 allowed.

Unofficially, there is a lot of illegal human slavery, the consent papers are often fake or forced, and children really young go to the facility often and the register about it is erased.

The facilities avoid illegal acquisition because there are several people against the BBU system, people who jump at them at any given chance. There are however circumstances that makes them more prone to illegal acquisition:

Children: Easier to train and more moldable to whatever the client wants. 

Foreign people: Some clients want specific races that do not always come by so they don’t lose a chance when they get one.

Neurodivergent people: Again, some clients have specific tastes.

Pretty people/People with unique features: For obvious reasons.

Training and Customization

The training is personalized both to the client's tastes and to the pet needs. Touch starved pets are sold to not-touching clients, pets allergic to fur are sold to people with no animals and so on.

In matters of customization, well, as long as the client pays, the facility will make ANY body modification asked: tattoos, piercings, removal of vocal cords/eyes/hands/etc, sewing the mouth and make the alimentation integrally IV, and so on. The more hardcore modification the less it is shown to the public.

Another important point is alimentation: To the underaged pets (the ones who are still growing) the alimentation is controlled. Guard dogs's rations are really nutritious and meant to make them big and strong. Lapdogs are feed enough to survive so they can be small and cute. Domestic and General pets are fed in an irregular way so they can work under any circumstances. Romantic Pets are usually also kept small, but the future owner can "customize" them (feed less if small, more if big, if they want the pet thin or fat, hair length, etc). 

Guard dogs: Torture with no regard to scarring. Trained in martial arts and weapon use over stamina and strength training. Kept 24/7 with a shock collar and when the client pays enough they are implanted with a kill switch. During training, the torture often gets them in the brink of death, this happens so whoever owns them after it’s “merciful” in comparison, so the pet will see them as a “savior” and don’t try to fight back.

Lapdogs: Trained to be as touch starved as possible. Torture usually leaves little to no scars. fed and touched as little as possible so their owner may be their only source of comfort. The training is usually about being as still as possible, acting cute, identifying tricks and traps and acting as such, and makeup and hairstyle. Also, they learn to undergo pain in silence unless told otherwise.

Romantic Pets: Torture leaves little to no scars. Trained to be silent until told otherwise. Kept touch starved all the time but during sex, they have stamina training, and acting lessons so they look as if they are really enjoying it. Their interaction with everything and everyone in a non-sexual setting is cut so sex can be their only form of comfort and contact with other people. Training includes long periods of torture with no apparent reason, where the pet is kept in constant pain, the pain only stops during sex training so they make the realtion of “no sex=pain.”

Domestic Pets: Torture with no regard to scarring. Punished for every sound they make. Not allowed to talk until said otherwise, choke collar activated by speech (and it is kept on n moment they are obligated to speak so even allowed words hurt). Training includes cleaning and cooking lessons, made to overwork with little to no food, hours and hours of repetitive tasks.

General pets: Torture with medium scarring. Usually they sign up as adults and aren’t conventionally attractive so they go into basic training for all types of pets and are sold at a cheaper price.

The Full House pets:

If you want to know about other's series pets, please ask.

Beige: He is a Domestic Pet who voluntarily  signed up when he was a young adult. He had no family.

Pink: He is a Lapdog who voluntarily signed himself when he was a teen. The money went to his father. One trainer tried to make him into a Romantic Pet but the facility didn’t allow him to.

Purple: He is a Lapdog who was forcibly sold by his uncle when he was a teen, it was so he would protect his brother. Money went to his uncle.

Day: He is a Guard Dog who was kidnapped when he was a really young child. No one got the money. He was meant to be a lapdog at first (he was cute) but he grew up too much so his alimentation and training was changed.

Night: He was kidnapped in his teens for political reasons and made to be a guard dog because they couldn't tame him enough to make him a Romantic pet.

Little One: He is a Lapdog who was sold by his parents as a young child. Training was customized so the “ugly” autistic traits were not shown and the “cute” ones were encouraged. At first they tried to make him touch starved, and since it didn’t work, they made him a dancer. Was meant to be sold to a non-touching owner but his first mistress wanted to “fix him,” she signed a document declaring she was aware that she was buying a touch repulsed pet and took responsibility for any defects about it.

[rhymeswithfart]

Some disorganized studies based on Stranger on the Third Floor and thoughts about what may have led the Stranger to become the person he was in the end.

I think it's very up to interpretation, because no matter what condition led to him being hospitalized, the point is what happened to him in the hospital/prison was monstrous, to the point he was so afraid to go back that he'd do anything to avoid it. He wasn't being treated, he was being abused.

I just kind of projected my own diagnosis on him, thinking about what happened to a lot of people before me. The idea of being hurt to "cure" something that never needed to be cured, which isn't exclusive to autism obviously, just something I think about sometimes.

[polyamorouspunk]

You seem like a nice guy but probs a bit scary to get on your bad side. And you fight terfs so bonus points ig

I’m gonna say yes to that because I have bpd and I’m VERY good at manipulating people and gaslighting them and playing the blame game and it’s very easy for me to frame myself as the victim and anyone else as the “bad guy” and that spills out when I’m upset and a lot of times even “taking accountability for my own actions” feels like just a piece in my “games” if you will to make myself more credible. I’m not so much of a scary angry person so much as a I will make you cry and make you feel like you’re the one at fault while I’m bully you. I DON’T do that anymore, I do want to be clear about that, but before my bpd started to be treated I was a very shitty person who sometimes made people feel bad about themselves just from them disagreeing with me. However, yes, I have dissociated and done some violent things or said some violent things and I think that leans more towards “angry violence” stuff. I’ve had people fear that I was going to attack them with a knife and kill them legitimately so like yeah, I have Scary Cluster B Mental Illness That Makes Me Prone To Angry Outburts, but like, I am harmless really, like, I’m *not* going to stab someone in their sleep, it’s a lot of that misunderstanding like oh of course the girl with the scary mental illness is a serial killer! vibe which I embrace for the aesthetic.

[neuroticboyfriend]

ty for the “we don’t have to consider the dui ppl evil monsters forever.” This you can skip I think now if you don’t want a story of why your post is gonna change my life a little bit.

I have a owi from a boss getting drunk as hell with me and I very much went along with the evening for like idk stupid professional relations reasons I guess, and ended up in a ditch etc. I unfortunately received another dui after I was drinking at home in my backyard two years later sorta mid-meltdown, and after an exchange with an equally intoxicated neighbor was chased about 120 ft to my car which I drove to some neighbors (rural area) about 2 min away l, but literally got pulled over by the cops along that stretch as they kinda park-camp there.

My life was ruined. I was not well in jail for 90 days after the second one, as was denied anti-psychotics, sleep aids, and anti-depressants so stuck in a suicide suit and in solitary. I had worked for the state for a decade but no longer could, and I was stuck in the county that had no mental health services for me due to the limits of our CMH. I had to live with friends for two years of probation because I couldn’t drive or work without being able to drive. I did some wfh stuff during Covid (thank god wfh surge saved me tbh) but had to bike 10 miles each way or get a ride a couple times a week for drug tests, support meetings, classes etc for 2 years. I had to borrow money and pay ppl back years later for covering the costs of the drug tests and classes.

I had worked for the state for nearly a decade, graduated with a degree, had an apartment, boyfriend, the whole works: but I had no mental health access for a decade and had essential emergency services trying to toss meds at me, when I would ask to be hospitalized or finally was, and after about 7-8 years I was maladaptive as hell unable to get counseling or med management, drinking with bosses and melting down in my backyard.

I finally got mental health and other services: I have Tourette’s, autism, adhd, and ocd. And a nice helping of the cptsd but idk that one’s pretty managed. I have a bunch of broken teeth from clenching from stress and Tourette’s. The only help I got out of that county was Christian substance abuse services in classes that I had to do for probation for two years. I cannot imagine how different my life would be if I could have gotten the services the judge said I had complete access to.

I have never felt like anyone could be capable of understanding that I’m not a monster and I didn’t want to do anything bad. I understand very well why ppl are so aggressive against drunk driving as I’m in one of the worse states for it and we have some of the strongest laws for it. It’s a felony in Canada and I can’t go there anymore because of it. And it’s been idk 5 years now that I’ve never seen or heard a message like this and it is just so moving.

I’ve been holding myself back so much because I did a bad and I don’t feel like a deserve to like use social services or anything anymore like anything that could burden the state or community. I fell so far like possessions wise, asset wise, materially, professionally, in housing etc. that I need those services frankly. I don’t do things or try to interact with people, I’ve done like 5 years of shame vs regret exercises but it doesn’t matter I just don’t feel like I should get to be part of society and that no one wants me to be anymore. And I think if I saw things like this just once in awhile amongst the regular dui messaging it would be really great.

I do run a smart recovery meeting which is like science backed substance abuse program very much online nowadays but I want to do more but I’m still very in my head about it. I’m gonna try to think about this perspective from time to time. So thank you.

Anon I am telepathically giving the biggest hug ever, and if you dont want a hug then. I'm sending so much support and understanding your way. I'm so happy you found my post, especially since I've gotten a little bit of hell for it. Knowing it comforted just one person makes it worth it.

You're not a monster, and what the state did to you is not okay. It's inhumane, and you didn't deserve a single part of it. It's not even remotely fair that your right to health and safety was so grossly violated. And I'm glad you seem to be doing better than you were. I hope as time goes on, you find more of your place in this world.

I know things will never be the same, and I know how much stands in your way - even though I can't truly conceptualize it. But there will always be more people than you know who see see your humanity. Who want you in this world with us - not just tolerate it. And I think it's really wonderful you run the recovery program. You've probably changed a lot of lives, for the better. That's awesome!

And thank you for trusting your story with me. I've been struggling with some substance abuse lately, and I think getting this ask is gonna get me through another night of not. Fucking up. Sometimes people just need to feel connection, I think. So you changed my life a little bit, too.

[compassionatereminders]

I just started reading this book and it's definitely raising a very important critique of psychiatry, even as it's horrific to dive into...

[hollowwhisperings]

reblogging, again, for the Arkham Meta.

The "Batfamily" was probably my first Western fandom: Cassandra Cain was the FIRST comics character I met who I could personally identify with & Gail Simone's Oracle was one of the first examples of UNfridging marginalized characters, of successfully saying "actually, SCREW excessive violence against women for male angst & SCREW anyone who thinks disability is equivalent to death".

but I have NEVER been comfortable with how Arkham Asylum is used in the DCU: there have been moments where it has been used for genuine treatment & rehabilitation, things like Bruce visiting or otherwise staying in contact with Harvey Dent during the latter's entering the facility. There has been SOME exploration, in supplementary works & within the fandom, of how Harley Quinn is a LEGITIMATELY TRAINED PSYCHIATRIST and how effed up her life was by Arkham (& by the Joker).

but, mostly, Arkham is used to trigger every fear and real life horror story that the past (& present) mental health system carries and to paint "DANGER!" over anyone vaguely connected to said system. Phobias, personality disorders, extreme trauma, abuse from medical professionals, systemic violence against the mentally ill and those coded as neurodivergent... Arkham ignites every Scare Tactic that keeps people from seeking help, reinforces every fear about what kind of "help" might be received, every nightmare about how society at large views anyone who doesn't "Get Better" with a prescription & 3-weeks of talk therapy.

The Gotham Rogues Gallery get two options for "care": prison or Arkham. The prison is Safer. There are times where the likes of Riddler, Harley & Poison Ivy see out their stays at Arkham and reintegrate with Society (the Gotham City Sirens series, for example), often making a Point of showing how unwelcoming Society is to ex-cons & publically Outed patients (and how much "easier" it is to just... go back into a cycle of [repeat offending], if only to regain access to some sense of "stability"/Actual Healthcare).

but... mostly? the times of "okay, let's actually Look at mental illness & how it impairs day-to-day life, how trauma shapes us, how social stigma-" "NOPE, TIME TO BE EDGY AND LET JOKER MURDER A BUNCH OF PEOPLE THEN GET AWAY WITH THE INSANITY CLAUSE!"

the Arkham video games are VERY MUCH consistent with how mainstream it is to ditch compassion and what progress may have been made for IRL stigma so that the Terror of Asylums can be used as easy set dressing for Horror.

nevermind that IRL mental health systems STILL haven't quite figured out how to deal with Long-Term Patients beyond sticking them in [more humane] Institutions, or how disproportionately the media depicts Mentall Illness as "dangerous to society" when the REVERSE is true (SOCIETY is dangerous to the mentally ill: cops getting called on people dissociating or having panic attacks, cops Freaking Out and HURTING the people most vulnerable to violence & abuse).

Batman & the BatFam, for the most part, are compassionate and see the humanity hidden behind Hurt and, for Gotham's Rogues Gallery, that "Harm" DOES tend to be directed "Outward" rather than "Inward" as in IRL & thus Affects Bystanders (typically through entirely Fictional methods): I love the Batman comics, many if its Rogues Gallery, and the silliness that can happen but... Arkham and the imagery of mental illness as something inherently "dangerous" to OTHER PEOPLE is just Not Fun anymore.

fandom fills in for some of that Need for accountability (for reeducating the public, for looking at things from the Patient's POV, for unravelling the mythos of "Arkham Asylum" from the IRL history it takes from, "history" that is still FAR too recent for comfort) but... ultimately, Arkham Asylum's depictions have less to do with Batman and more to do with the disinterest of the masses to engage with the realities of ANY long-term Illness (mental and otherwise) beyond a Token Charity Week or a month's News Cycle Hashtag.

[auschizm]

Do you like living in a group home? What’s your experience been like?

No. I've lived in three very different group homes over a period of nine years, and I have yet to have a good or even decent experience. The first place I lived we had no personal freedom or autonomy. We plain weren't allowed to participate in activities/maintain relationships outside the group home. We weren't even allowed wifi. Or privacy. And inappropriate use of overmedication was frequently used to silence and control our unhappiness. The second place I lived we were free to do basically anything we wanted, but the neglect was so severe that I lived in filth and starved to the point of being clinically underweight the entire time. I even ended up with a big debt because no one helped me with anything ever. Where I'm living now I have my own apartment and a decent amount of both privacy and autonomy for the first time, but I'm still receiving close to zero support and the one time I went to the group home for help during a hard time they doubled the max dose of my antipsychotics so that I lost an entire year to a completely irresponsible dosage of medication. And the only reason I'm not also starving and living in filth here is because I have gotten better at taking care of myself, because I'm still not receiving any consistent help and support. So while at first I thought I might just have been very unlucky with my placements, by now I'm sure I have nothing good to say about Danish group homes.

[twcfaces]

i've definitely made notice of this before, but like- i can't express just how deeply two-face is entwined with harvey dent, and how the cycle of harvey feeling guilt over what two-face has done actually causes two-face to surface again, because he literally can't handle it otherwise.

two-face is his trauma response, and has been, since he was a kid who needed to escape the reality that was his father alternating his abuse and his love. kids don't comprehend that it's impossible to become someone else, and neither did harvey. he just did it.

and what if he is cured? what if two-face doesn't come back? what's going to protect him when it hurts too much? where will he hide? where will his teeth go if he doesn't bite?

[interdimensional-chaos]

Reading "A madness so discreet"

Yeah uh, Crooms kills the goddamn baby

Like, the mom wanted to deliver him. She even had a foster mom she was okay with taking the baby when he arrived

And Crooms fucking kills it because she's a sadistic monster of a woman.

Sure, that wasn't her intent, probably maybe, more likely she didn't care and those super hot sheets suddenly staining with a lot of red and the arrival of a small Corpse was a "happy accident" or "really gross another thing to beat Grace for"

Idk.

I kinda don't care.

In a weird, horribly despicable way its probably the best thing that could have happened to Grace because that's how she got into the cellar and then found her ticket out of there and away from her pedophile of a dad for good.

But I can't express how much I want to punch Crooms, Heedson, and a good chunk of side characters that are just mentioned.

Like, accurate look at an insane Asylum at that time. Pregnant daughter? Oh she's insane. Wife's complaining about her period cramps? Asylum's your answer.

It's horrible and they managed to make goddamn lobotomy look like an escape instead of the cruel and overused "easy fix" it was treated as.

And the doctor doing it calls it out! He does say they treat it like an easy fix, but that he doesn't know if the people are okay in there after he's done!

Anyway, good book but damn it should have some trigger warnings.

[wolfeyedwitch]

Ohhhhhh my god. Oh my GOD, this is the worst version of conversion therapy that I think could possibly exist.

Im not okay. I'm gonna go scream into a pillow or something.

Leo reads Aiden's Intake Form

Masterlist

Leo jumps when his phone vibrates against the countertop, a flat buzz like an insect trapped inside a jar. It’s only Delia, probably calling on her drive home to chat, but his chest tightens as he raises it to his ear. 

“Can you come outside?” She asks. 

“What? Why?” 

He’s expecting an annoyed tsk but instead, she just sounds tired. “Just come outside. Alone.”

If only for the reassurance of seeing Aiden content, Leo goes all the way upstairs to tell him he’s going to grab something from the van. 

Aiden’s lying on his stomach in bed playing on his Switch, feet kicking lazily in the air. When he sees Leo, his eyes flick around, like he’s checking to make sure his bed is perfectly made or he didn’t leave a stray sock beside the laundry basket. He waits until Leo’s in the doorway to sit up and put the screen aside, looking relieved as he does. Leo knows how much effort it takes every second he doesn’t snap to attention. 

He’s convinced Aiden will smell the lie on him but he just says okay and nods. No questioning gaze or hesitation. Aiden picks up his Switch again but keeps it resting on his lap. Hopefully just until Leo turns away and not until he’s closed the front door behind him.  

It rained earlier. The pavement, still holding the heat of the day, evaporates the water quickly, mist hanging just above the ground in the yellow cast of the street lights. Delia’s parked behind the cover of his van. His stomach tightens at her deepening subterfuge. 

Delia has the heat in her car cranked to the highest setting and it smells exactly like the hospital and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. He wants to get out immediately. 

“So? What’s—” 

“Here.” She holds a piece of paper out to him. Right before he takes it, she pulls it back again. “I just want to say, for the record, that I wanted to take his number off this and destroy it. There’s a big chance most of this is made up and it’s only his place to tell anyway.” 

Delia finally meets his eyes, waiting. 

“What do you want me to say?” The backseat is absolute chaos. Scrubs and other clothes are strewn about. He counts no fewer than six water bottles and thermoses. And the cherry on top: half a loaf of bread—bag not fully closed—and peanut butter and jelly jars, complete with the knife she must have used to make her dinner, strawberry jam dripping onto the upholstery underneath. He sighs and forces his attention back to Delia. “I can’t know if I agree with you or not if I have no idea what you’re talking about.” 

“Fine, but I tried.” 

“Duly noted.” He means it earnestly but she rolls her eyes and reluctantly hands him the sheet of paper. His stomach is doing somersaults before he even starts to read. It’s a bad photocopy of a bad scan. The handwriting is fuzzy at best, the lines slanting across the page. He has to squint to read it. 

Handler. 

Committed. 

Revision. 

“What—”

Parents. 

Sedation and five-point restraint. 

Leo’s stomach churns. “What the fuck is this?” He holds it away even though he’s barely halfway through. 

Delia takes a deep breath. “The good news is that if we finally have his ID number, we can move forward with the paperwork for—” 

“Do not finish that sentence right now,” he grates. 

“Strictly as a means to an end,” she quickly adds. “You know it’s the first step—”

“Stop with the legalese. I already agreed to that. I want you to tell me what the fuck I’m reading.” His shirt is starting to stick to his back, he wants to rip off his jacket but the seat is too far forward in this stupid car. 

“It’s an intake form,” she says softly. 

“That is the easiest part to read.” He turns off the damn heat and the absence of noise rings in his ears. “Seriously, Delia. What does this mean? ‘Straight Paths’? ‘Committed by his…parents’?” 

“There are a lot of different ways into the System, it was designed that way. Criminals out of for-profit prisons, homeless off the streets, all the stuff you already know, but it goes deeper.” He can hear the venom, even through her clinical voice. “They have so-called treatment programs for alcoholism, addiction, and…well…straight paths.” 

He feels sick to his stomach. “For fuck’s sake.” 

“I know, it’s awful.” 

“What does ‘revision’ mean?” He isn’t sure he wants to know. 

“That’s the term they use for administering amnesics.”  

He forces a breath in. 

“But we already know that he has some—maybe even a lot—of his memories,” she rushes to say. 

“Memories of having ‘five-point restraints’ used on him?” He spits, making her grimace. “Where did you even get this?” He’s gripping the vile document so hard it shakes. 

Delia carefully extracts it from his fist. “One of Noah’s safehouse contacts has a contact at one of the facilities. They’ve helped in situations like this when we had no choice but to pull records. We only use it as a last resort because it’s so risky for everyone involved. The last time we did this it was a matter of life or death and we needed a medical file—” 

He’s not even listening anymore. All he can think about is Aiden, innocently playing video games upstairs. Comfortable, content. Now, Leo will have to face him with these fresh horrors in mind. Even if he tried, he’s not sure he could hide that he learned something new. But, like Delia said, this should have been his to share. He runs his hand over his hair. 

“I wish there had been another way,” he laments uselessly. He wishes he listened to her and never read any of it. “Are you sure it’s him?” 

“No…that’s the thing…” She swallows. “We’re going to have to ask him.” 

Leo shakes his head. “Jesus Christ, Delia. You know what it’s like for him every time we’ve tried. We can’t—” 

“I wouldn’t suggest it if there was an alternative. It’ll be different this time because he doesn’t have to try to say it or write it.” 

“But what if he still can’t recognize it?” He scrubs his hands over his face. “You said yourself the sequencing, the long number sequence—” 

She has to whisper it, “His conditioning should override any symptoms of his aphasia.” 

Leo gets out of the car, not even bothering to close the door behind him. He makes a beeline for the edge of the parking lot and vomits into the neat row of bushes there. 

Masterlist

@octopus-reactivated @maracujatangerine @nicolepascaline @whumpy-writings @cracked-porcelain-princess

@meetmeinhellcroutons @briars7 @thingsthatgo-whump-inthenight @jo-doe-seeking-inspo @neuro-whump

@painsandconfusion @wolfeyedwitch @skyhawkwolf @haro-whumps @onlybadendings

@peachy-panic @fillthedarkvoid @rabass @crystalquartzwhump @dont-touch-my-soup

@mylifeisonthebookshelf @hold-him-down @guachipongo @creetchure @leyswhumpdump

@aseasonwithclarasblog @catawhumpus @magziemakeswhatever @pigeonwhumps

@batfacedliar-yetagain @whumpinthepot @dustypinetree @whump-in-progress @pirefyrelight

@whumps-and-bumps @i-eat-worlds @hellodecisionparalysis @heartfullofhoney

[5starwitch]

Astrology Observations: Aspects

**None of these placements mean that you are doomed or this is exactly how your life will play out. These are simply my interpretations of these placements based on looking at many different charts. Nothing is set in stone and you can always use different aspects to your advantage even if they are squares or oppositions**

Venus trine/sextile/conjunct jupiter blesses a person with conventional beauty. Harsh aspects to jupiter, like squares or oppositions, still blesses a person with beauty but may cause a person to still have insecurities or not see their own beauty. These people may have darker features or be an unconventional beauty. Both types of aspects may make a person more susceptible to weight gain.

Neptune square saturn can indicate addiction and can make it a challenge for a person to overcome. This placement may not even realize they have a problem.

Mercury sextile venus can grant someone with a beautiful voice and can even make someone a good singer.

TW: Venus square neptune can cause relationships where you might enable each others vices and addictions. Similar to venus square mars, there is also a potential for abusive relationships.

TW: Saturn square neptune can indicate that a person may have had a tumultuous childhood, in which one or both parents were absent. Their parent(s) could have been institutionalized, in prison, or on drugs. This could also indicate that they dealt with abuse/SA.

Neptune aspecting jupiter can indicate addiction but it can also grant a person with so much creativity. They may be talented at making art, music, or movies.

Venus sextile/trine chiron grants one with the ability to heal others and be incredibly compassionate. They are very intuitive to the feelings of others and being with them in romantic or platonic relationships is very healing to others.

Moon conjunct jupiter makes a person very optimistic and jovial. Their energy is very uplifting to be around. They may be a little naive so people might try to take advantage of them.

Mars square/opposite jupiter gives a person a lot of energy, sex drive, and sex appeal. They might be restless or not know what to do with all their energy.

Mercury opposite or square saturn makes a person intelligent but its hard for them to communicate their ideas and thoughts to others. So others may assume that they’re dumb. They also may have dealt with learning disabilities or delays in their speech.

Moon sextile/trine/conjunct neptune makes a person very talented creatively and they create their best work when their emotions are heightened. This placement also indicates someone who is spiritually and psychically gifted.

Venus aspecting uranus indicates a person having a unique type of beauty.

[quinngefail]

So apparently at 19 Lawrence got institutionalized for 6 months from a psychotic breakdown. I’m pretty sure it’s mentioned in one of the video games. Do you think he’d tell Adam about it? How you you think adam would react? (Also why do you think he even had a breakdown?) love you!!! 🩷

Omfg okay okay I haven't played either of the games yet but I intend to. I did not know about that little bit of lore, though..... But tbh it slides in so perfectly with what I've been formulating for backstory headcanons,

I haven't actually written any of this out in my Google doc yet but. I feel like rambling and just laying out the relevant parts of what I've been brainstorming for him-

Putting a cut because this got longer than I thought it would. Also- tw for talks of emotional abuse, alcoholism, and a brief sui mention- nothing super detailed, though.

So uh. I've been imagining him growing up in this wealthy, very controlling, catholic household. And even from a young age it was extremely rare for his parents to even glance at any of his problems.., One part because they were absolutely the types to guilt him with the whole "THERE ARE CHILDREN IN AFRICA STARVING AND YOU'RE SITTING HERE CRYING ABOUT SOMETHING THAT IS SO TRIVIAL" and another part because I imagine his mother was diagnosed with cancer when Lawrence was just a kid. Which was hard on everyone, of course, but this also meant less attention being put on him and his problems (ft. more guilting because you should be grateful that all you have is a scraped knee, stop crying). Basically the response to any of his struggles would very often be Stop Moping and/or Go Pray About It y’know-

Sooo even at a young age, he quickly developed this mindset that none of his problems were actually 'real', because he had it drilled into his head again and again that he was in a far more fortunate + blessed position than others. Which yeah obviously he had a great deal of privilege on his side from the get-go, but he's still allowed to express hurt and his need for love and care, y’know,

So he just starts repressing everything, holding it all inside. Internally minimizing and invalidating just about anything that made him upset. He does this for years, and years. And by the time that first year of college rolls around, he now has the most independence in his life that he's ever had, finally away from that very, very controlling household... And I very much imagine him as the type to just go off the rails almost immediately, especially in the drinking department. His grades rapidly slip, and he knows there will be hell to pay when his parents inevitably find out about all of this- but it's easier to just sit back and drink, and let his cares about everything slip away.

And of course, his parents do indeed find out. And there is indeed hell to pay. More so from his father, though, as his mother's condition has been rapidly deteriorating, which was certainly just one of the many motivators for Lawrence's drinking. And it's not long before she does pass away, which I think was a final straw of sorts for his mental health.

Between the bottles and bottles of repression he's been holding in for years, the drinking, the fact that he's fucked up so badly with college + absolutely fuckin wasted an amount of time and money, the sheer outrage and disappointment from his parents, his mother's death, and the shattering of his already shaky faith (because evidently, praying for his mother's health didn't do a goddamn thing)... It's a wonder he didn't break sooner,

So then this is where him being institutionalized just SLIDES IN SO EASILY... And I do think right before this happened, he had attempted to take his own life, unable to deal with it all. The treatment helps him back onto a straight path. And maybe he'd already been interested in the medical field, but the loss of his mother was sort of the final push towards wanting to pursue oncology specifically. So after being released, it's college take two: and it goes far better than the last time.

However, he develops this fear of losing control again. He finds comfort and necessity in order. He almost needs it to feel okay. He still has a hard time voicing and downplaying his problems, though, still feeling like they're not 'real'... This being a particular souvenir from growing up that he just can't seem to overcome.

He's also not at all surprised to get a call (in either his late 20s or early 30s) that his father had drank himself to death. Just seemed inevitable.

Then, to cut to the Becoming Closer With Adam Era, I don't imagine he has a hard time explaining that both of his parents have passed away, and why. But he has a very hard time disclosing everything else that happened. Because his problems aren't 'real', of course, and it's just an extremely touchy subject for him in general. Been imagining for a while now that he has this whole Thing where he's far more focused on helping Adam with his own problems- and y’know, part of that is just the fact that when they finally reunite in my AU, Adam is obviously deeply in need of help, because things have gotten bad for him in the months following the bathroom trap. But another part is just Lawrence still having troubles with expressing his own struggles; whether they be traumatic incidents of the past, or the more current Jigsaw related traumas.

Adam eventually catches onto this, especially as his problems become less urgent. And while he's not necessarily going to interrogate Lawrence over anything, he does begin to more frequently urge him to talk about things when he's obviously upset. Lawrence still isn't as good at masking as he thinks he is, much to his dismay. Something specific that I imagine Adam reminding him, with a earnest voice of kindness and patience, is that "this isn't just about you helping me, it's about me helping you, too."

Lawrence does eventually start to open up more about his more current struggles, but it takes a good, long while before he begins scratching the surface of that period of his life. They would be upsetting conversations for the both of them, of course, but the fact that they happen at all are just testaments to the trust they've built together. They feel safer and safer being vulnerable with one another, and it brings them closer together.

And maybe, it brings them closer and closer to things finally just feeling okay.

...WOOH If you are here, thank you for reading- didn't think I was going to ramble this much, but EVIDENTLY I HAVE MORE THOUGHTS ON THIS THAN I REALIZED LMAO..... WHEN I SAY I HAVE A SMALL NOVEL WORTH OF THOUGHTS ABOUT THESE TWO I'M NOT LYING HRKSKGK

A lot of this is also still in the brainstorming stage at this point, so things may be subject to change :] WE SHALL SEE...

And thank you for the ask, and the kind words!!! I hope you enjoy my brainrot HSKGK