#tw: suicide thoughts

[thehandworld]

The pain he grew so... used to, slowly spread through his body as he walked down to his room. Tired of everything he just wanted it to end, he just needed it to end. As he drags his feet down the hall, the pain rushes through his veins as the Rain Guardian pulls himself.

Post-traumatic pain was it?! It was the most unpleasant pain he felt, his body felt like being crushed and broken over and over, at least... when he felt that pain he didn't feel like cutting himself. He didn't feel like he needed to do something to himself.

No... Instead, he enjoyed that pain, he enjoyed as a gift for his masochism. Even if that pain drove him crazy. As the Rain Guardian opened the door he didn't note that it was the wrong room. He just falls on the floor. Tired he let the mask disappear. His face showed a mix of pleasure, but also sad.

Tears fall down as his eyes close down. No words as he just stayed there, feeling the pain once again. How he wished... That this pain could end... That he would go crazy at once or just... it would end his life. But no... He was here... Alive and well.

And in the wrong room.

[giggly-squiggily]

Okay, but what even IS an emergency request? Like, for money?

CW: Suicide mentioned, abuse

Heyo! From my understanding, emergency requests are fics or headcanons in which someone’s going through a tough time and is in need of comfort.

Like- an example of it would be: “Could I ask for an emergency request with Tanjiro comforting a reader who’s having an anxiety attack” Or “Could I please have some Dazai headcanons comforting his S/O having suicidal thoughts” things like that.

They can range anywhere from little things like going through a break up or having an argument to much heavier subject matter like dealing with an abusive situation or mental breakdowns. Depending on the author and their rules is how many topics they’d cover. I haven’t seen anyone charge for them, so I can’t say if that’s a thing.

Now- just to be clear; I could be absolutely wrong about this completely. I don’t write emergency requests and don’t plan to so I’m by no means an expert on the topic. This is more or less what I’ve gathered from blogs I follow that do emergency requests. Those who are more knowledgeable- please feel free to pop in/reblog this with more info or corrections to anything I may have gotten wrong.

I hope that clears it up! Like I said- I’m by no means super knowledgeable on the subject so I could be dead wrong- but that’s what my understanding of it is.

[rainywhispersblog]

[saebaragi]

hi here's a reminder to check on your suicidal friend if they're not replying for days, yk, maybe they didn't kill themselves, but they would feel nice knowing that you care if they did. just a suggestion btw.

[blueskittlesart]

Now that you're gone

[winte-ry]

I'm sorry

Masterpost

Next

Previous

[skelekerrry]

I take you where you want to go

I give you all you need to know

I drag you down, I use you up

Mr. Self Destruct

Nine Inch Nails - Mr. Self Destruct

[pancakemolybdenum]

worlds smuggest tween owning noobs on wizard101

[hamoodmood]

Just relapsed after 6 months

[even-disco-baby]

THOUGHT GAINED: INFERNAL ENGINES

PROBLEM

The world is ending. You know it, your neighbor knows it, the dealer knows it, the jailer knows it, the king and all his men know it. All one has to do is look around to see it— the future is curdling into something pale and incorporeal. The infernal machine that is this stupid world is going to blow, sooner rather than later. So what are you doing? Why are you still here? Why is anyone still here?

SOLUTION

You are doing the only thing worth doing. You are living. *Why,* you ask? Try and remember now. Remember your mother’s hand on your shoulder. Remember the taste of a fresh catch. Remember the times when you were kind to the dogs in the valley and they did not bare their teeth. Remember the weight of a child on your shoulders. Remember the stars throwing their light against the wall of sodium and smog. Remember singing until your throat was raw. Remember crying just as loudly and publicly, and the gentleness with which someone opened your curled fist and pressed a handkerchief into your palm. Crying, laughing, running, eating, screaming, haunting, loving, fighting, fighting, fighting. The fight fuels you, and you fuel the fight. You run yourself ragged just for a chance to keep running. You never stop. You cannot stop. The world depends on it. *You* are the infernal engine. You are the world. And, simply put: you want to live.

[es0tericdoll]

Sadly I’m always to much

[monsters-demons-and-ai-oh-my]

TW: Talk about mental health and sui ideation and sui attempt

I feel the need to talk more about Jayce's "attempt" again because of what I learned from his journal in the "Council Archives"

There's a fair argument to be made that Jayce was already in a very bad headspace even BEFORE the explosion in his apartment.

If you read Jayce's journals it feels like Jayce was ALREADY spiraling before he got kicked out of the academy. For a few reasons.

-----

1.Jayce was very isolated to begin with.

He was working on experiments he knew were illegal and was so paranoid about being found out he started coming up with insults to call another student who almost caught him throwing away a failed experiment.

He also seemed to only be able to cheer himself up by talking shit about other people's work and how everyone else just couldn't measure up to how important his work was and would be. And when he finally meets Viktor he talks about never really thinking he'd take to working with another scientist.

(Honestly, pre-act 1 Jayce comes off a little more like his LOL counterpart which make me believe Arcane Jayce meeting and working with Viktor as early as he did is what helped make him the version of himself he is in Arcane?)

------

2. Jayce was not really sleeping and his schoolwork and grades were going downhill.

He talks in his journal about the fact that he's not getting to sleep until sunrise a lot of nights because he was trying and failing to make the crystals work.

And as a direct consequence of not sleeping he talks about Heimerdinger (the DEAN) having to come talk to him because his grades are slipping.

Jayce literally decides to make a graph correlating his lack of sleep to his poor academic performance.

(Later he expresses concern that he might get expelled from the academy because his work is slipping that badly).

And remember all the while when he is so sleep-deprived he can't focus on coursework he is FULLY CONVINCED he can figure out Hextech. You know a whole new field of study. It doesn't work, shockingly.

------

3. Ximena was already worried about Jayce wellbeing and trying to get him to go outside and be around others.

He eats some snacks insults some people's work to himself and then goes back to doing what he was doing.

Not a lot to talk about with this one except it's no wonder she tried to get him to back off magic if she could already tell he wasn't okay especially when we consider the state he was in at that point.

You also see that both his mother and Heimerdinger were expressing valid concern for him only for him to brush it off.

-----

4. Near the end of the journal entries before we get to the ACT 1 content he says some concerning things considering his later attempt on his life.

First he starts to doubt what he's getting anywhere he remembers something Heimdinger once said about most inventors failing a 1000 times before succeeding and he makes a self-deprecating joke about "I suppose I must be closing in...".

Then he straight up says he can't see a path forward.

And when makes a pros and cons list of his experiments where he talks about how the work with the crystals is very dangerous and if he pushes to much it could kill him but also how he's in danger of getting expelled if he can't sort out his schoolwork.

and then he writes.

"Which is worse? Killed or expelled?"

Which is certainly a Harry Potter reference but also given his eventual attempt is very telling.

And it's closely followed by him saying his mom was worried about him, which... seems valid.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Also on a side note unrelated to the journal entries.

Jayce's attempt was not a choice made suddenly in a rush of emotion like Viktor's, he planned it.

Jayce not only left what was implied to be a suicide note he took the methodical time to literally WAX SEAL the note with his official house mark. And it took Viktor a long long while of talking to him to get him to back away from the ledge. He was fully committed to committing.

-------------------------------------------------

Final thoughts: I think Jayce was in a place in his mind backed into a corner.

He wasn't able to reach out for help or even trust anyone because of the nature of his work. He wasn't listening to people that were concerned about him. And the way in which Jayce was doing his work was damaging to himself and his life in general. He was spiraling.

He needed someone else there to share the weight of what he was trying to do, to be able to reach out to outside of his own head which was the person Viktor became to him.

Part of me even wonders if Jayce was already in a place where he might have ended up on that ledge without the explosion if he didn't change his ways or have a sudden breakthrough.

[thenightmareofyourdrems]

                   ˜”*°•.     It  hadn’t  been  a   choice  out  of  heroism .  She  knew  Snowpiercer  just  as  well  as  Ben  had ,  she’d  taken  most  decisions  with  him  by  her  side,  he  had  nothing  less  than  her .  But  Marisa  just didn’t  like  him ,  did  she ?  She’d  known  it  since  the  beginning ,  noticed  the  bitterness  in  her  whenever  she  brought  up  his  name .   It’d  simply  been  the  perfect  chance ,  hadn’t  it ?  Take  away  the  one  man  on  this  train  that  she’d  loved .   ❝ Did  you  feel  bad  at  all ?  Just  a  bit  when  you  did  it . ❞  Because  she  hadn’t  witnessed  hesitancy,  hadn’t  seen  the  slightest  trace  of  guilt .  She  hadn’t  seen  the  expression  of  no  choice ,  no .  She’d  seen   clear  determination .  ❝ Or  were  you  enjoying  removing  him  from  the  picture ?  ❞ 

It’d  be  easy .  Using  the  blade  the  way  Marisa  had ,  save  the  world  from  herself .  They  still  had  passengers  on  this  train ,  though ,  passengers  she  was  responsible  for .  She  couldn’t  die .  As  much  as  she  was  certain  Marisa  could  save  them  herself ,  she  couldn’t  just  go .  Ben  was  dead  and  they  couldn’t  bring  him  back .  She  knew  the  train ,  knew  enough  to  protect  it  from  nature  itself .   Knew  enough  to  face  the  threat  that’d  emerged .  It  didn’t  matter  what  she  wanted,  after all,  this  was  a  curse  she’d  accepted  since  the  beginning .  It  didn’t  matter  if  she  lost  everyone  she  loved ,  she’d  made  the  train  split .  She’d  spoken  to  the  people  of  Snowpiercer,  she’d  convinced  some  of  them  to  stay .  She  was  responsible ,  she’d  always  been .  Death  was  a  choice  she  didn’t  have  the  right  to  make .  Not  now .  Not  until  there  was  nothing  left  to  save .

❝ If  you  ever have  to  choose  between  me  and  Alex,  you’ll  kill  me .  Do  you  understand  ? ❞  Voice  was  firm ,  serious .  She  would  never  accept  to  live  by  killing  her  daughter .  Would  never  accept  to  take  away  the  future  of  the  girl  that’d  been  tossed  into  the  madness  of  old  rivalries  because  of  her.  She finally  had  a  chance  to  live  normally.  And  if  she  ever  saw  her  again ,  if  she  ever  got  to  hug  her,  talk  to  her ,  she’d  let  none  and  nothing  touch  her .  Knife  was  dropped  onto  the  ground ,  eyes  just  briefly  catching  sight  of  him .  She  needed  to  concentrate  ,  she  knew  it .   Needed  to  snap  out  of  this  and  actually  come  up  with  a  solution .  But  she  couldn’t  do  it  with  her .  Couldn’t  even  stand  looking  at  her .

the villain, the lapdog & the sacrificial lamb. for weren't these the roles they had tossed themselves into? she would gladly take up the role of a monster, she could tolerate bennett's blarney, but she would not stay silent about the last of the three. it was not who melanie was. not the woman she had watched make difficult choices for nearly a decade. a woman who took on the weight of keeping the last remains of human race from extinction. a woman who knew some people had in fact more value than the others ; someone who would would spend sleepless nights at going through passenger's records, placing an X by the names, choose who will freeze or starve, & who gets to live once the resources would grow thin. choices, indeed, made together. blood staining one's hands as much as the other's. marisa wasn't going to watch melanie crumble under the weight of it. death had long taken on a disguise of long longed-for rest, & yet they were still here. still alive. still refusing to give up. still fighting. still responsible.

❝ yes, & i would dare to do so again & again. & would look into his eyes while doing so. ❞ however, it weren't his eyes she bored into, not his tears that kept falling, not hurt, & anger, & disbelief shouting louder than words ever would. her own showing no remorse nor no regret — regret over watching all they had attempted to build together crack & break, watching it shatter. many times had she pondered upon things she could have done in order to choke off those suicide missions, pondered upon the ways in which those attempts would make the woman before her hate her more than she ever had before. plots never executed, fears coming alive— — — nevermore.

fingers gone loose around the handle, expecting nothing less than to feel ruby-stained edge against her own artery. the thought of it not enough to make her even flinch. contrary to the sight playing out before her eyes instead. ❝ what are you doing? ❞ she asked abruptly, her own body suddenly stiff, paralyzed by the terror, now also reflected in her blue eyes — previously so cold, so unswayed — glued to the silver. she couldn't— wouldn't... wouldn't she? ❝ no, you're not thinking straight. put it down. ❞ she demanded. voice, however hard unwavering she attempted for it to stay, now slightly shaken. however much she wanted to knock the blade from the other's hand, she dared move. she wouldn't take the other's actions for no more than a threat, hesitation for unwillingness. ❝ if you do this, it's all gonna be in vain. ben's death will be in vain. you will never see alexandra again. is it really what you want? ❞ names she had no choice but to try to plant in the other's mind. to make her remember there were still people she would be fighting for. ❝ hand it over... please. ❞ a whisper as she made a tentative step closer.

[sad-empty-lost]

I just want to go to sleep and never wake up again.

[birdsribcage]

Just a silly little girl with silly little thoughts of suicide

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Autistic and “struggling to “let go”

Neurodivergent Lou