#tw: soft neil

[gracegrove]

Neil Hargrove being a man that was raised in the heavy gender role dichotomy and era of "the American housewife" that when his wife leaves and Neil has to take on roles that had been hers things go downhill.

Both his clothes and Billy's might get washed, but rarely on time, and things are full of wrinkles. He tried to iron exactly one time abd burned a hole through his work shirt. So wrinkles will stay. Neil gave up completely trying to figure out how to run delicates or how much starch to add. It all just goes in and if something gets ruined in the process then fuck it. If their clothing falls into disarray, Neil just tells Billy to continue wearing the item because he has no concept of how to sew or mend like Billy's mother, but Neil isn't about to trash and spring for a new set of denim jeans or socks.

Food is available but not in good or large quantities. Meals are had when Neil says it is and that's final. Breakfast is almost always a bowl of bran and milk. And dinner is always some manner of TV pre-heatable dinner or if Billy's very lucky... It might be a one ingredient mix-in like Manwich sloppy joes. Fresh produce is a rarity. Maybe an apple because those are the cheapest.

Keeping their living space clean and livable is at best at after thought. Neil tends to just shift piles of things around to make room to put his feet up or to sleep. Stacks of mail and magazines are all over the place. He sweeps once in a while, but never vacuums. Dishes and trash are about the only true thing that get done in a timely fashion. But even then those can at times be scattered around their living space until trash pick up day is nearing or until Billy can no longer stand it and Neil berates him for being "fussy".

[total-dxmure]

✦ INVISIBLE STRING THEORY →【ELLIE WILLIAMS】→ CHAPTER THREE

pairings: modern!marine ellie x reader

summary: the marines didn’t ruin ellie. ellie ruined ellie. after being medically discharged she feels lost. being sent to live with joel is more of a last ditch effort to save her and less of a fun reunion for the father-daughter duo. jackson is worlds different than chicago, but the fresh air and sprawling countrysides are a welcome reprieve. ellie finds herself finding comfort in more than just the change in scenery though. after losing your girlfriend due to an accident you feel as though you’ll never find love again- but that was before meeting ellie williams. the two of you figure out that you have more in common than just the fact that she and your girlfriend were both marines though. tethered by some invisible string, the two of you meeting has to be fate. who would have known that you were the golden ticket to ellie’s recovery?

warnings: eventual smut! lots of tension building and mutual pining. ellie falls first and hard. small town girl meets a frightening, strong ex marine. TW: talk of panic attacks, ptsd episodes and death. come for the ellie smut and stay for the plot and fluff. (A/N: here we are, the meat and potatoes. the fic is really kicking off. . . and they're already flirting?! ellie is so touch and affection starved that she nearly jumps out of her own skin every time you even look at her.)

⬶ previous chapter | next chapter ⤅

from the river to the sea, palestine will be free 🇵🇸 READ: this account stands with palestine, and so— i require everyone who interacts to educate themselves, and support/donate. READ THESE; 1 and 2, HELP HERE, BOYCOTT. silence is complicity, do not scroll past this. DO NOT BUY THE REMASTER, TLOU2, TLOU1, OR ANY GAME FROM NAUGHTY DOG! neil druckmann (the creator) is a zionist. PLEASE READ THIS. AND REBLOG THIS.

In that halfway space between waking and sleep it was hard to discern what was real and what wasn’t. Your bed felt warm, sheets still tangled around your arms and legs. The weight of your blanket on your chest could easily be confused with another’s body, and so you felt yourself smile. Warm, happy, safe- 

Abby was behind you, her limbs expertly twisted around yours like she’d done it a thousand times before. . . and she had. 

Slowly you opened your eyes, staring blankly ahead of you into your pitch black bathroom. You recognized the fresh scent of your shampoo, and felt the way your hair still clung to your hot cheeks- wet from your shower the night before. It was like you were suspended in a memory, everything all soft and fuzzy around you. The dots weren’t perfectly connecting, and still you were happy. For a second you just laid there, unable to look down at the hand you could feel so vividly at your waist. Would you see Abby’s knuckles when you looked down? Would you see the rubber promise ring she had insisted on wearing? Everything always had to be even and fair with her. 

This morning felt familiar. Like you’d lived it before. Your breath left you in a rush when the bed creaked behind you. 

“Abby,” God, she was back. She was back and she was right behind you. “Baby?” 

There was a soft groan and then the arm tightened, bringing you into a warm chest. Her bicep squeezed your arm tightly against her shoulder, and all at once you were tucked in so tight. Confusion tugged at your features, and you mulled over exactly why you were clinging to her arm so tightly. 

“What’s wrong?” She whispered against your hair, her voice still thick with sleep. Still, her fingers stroked at your bare stomach. 

“I had a nightmare,” You mumbled, trying to recall exactly what had plagued you just seconds ago. You can’t remember now that you’re safe here. . . safe with Abby again. “You were gone and I was all alone.” 

Those moments came back to you in flashes. The ache, the constant pain of losing her, the “learning to live without her” that crushed you entirely. You turned around in her grasp, nuzzling your nose into the crook of her neck. You took deep inhales, trying to still your rising panic. You could feel the steady beating of her heart against your cheek, the warmth of her bare breasts against your collar bones. 

“I was gone?” She raised a hand, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes, a few golden strands falling onto her forehead as she moved her head against the pillow beneath her. “You can tell me about it if you want.” She offered supportively, petting your back in slow circles. 

You don’t know why. . .  but you missed those circles. It felt like you’d been without them for weeks. Months. 

“I-I got a phone call. . . and they told me that you’d died,” Your bottom lip quivered, your eyes filling with tears. You couldn’t help but laugh pathetically at your unnecessary hysterics. Abby was right here. Everything was okay. “It felt like the longest nightmare I’ve ever had. It was horrible.” 

“You did so good though.” She whispered, her hands still stroking. 

Your muscles tensed, and slowly you moved your hand up her side, fingers brushing against her skin. You pressed a soft kiss against the underside of her breast, a tear breaking free past your lower lashes. This moment suddenly felt fleeting. 

“I did?” You questioned, pulling away to look at her. 

She was so beautiful. Like an angel had fallen from heaven and landed right in your bed. The sun was just beginning to rise, setting the line of trees just outside of your window ablaze. She was diaphanous and golden laying there beneath you. You were so lucky. You could barely breathe when she looked up at you like that, her eyes so thick with pride and love. 

“You did, baby girl. You stayed so strong.” She cracked a small smile, but it looked pained. Like she was also realizing that the two of you couldn’t exist here forever. “I need you to keep it up though, alright?” You couldn’t feel her hand on your back anymore, nor the softness of the sheets. 

“Please,” You sobbed out, reaching out to cup her cheek. She didn’t feel like anything. Like your hand was molded around a pocket of open space. Nothingness. She was about the size of the palm of your hand now, her urn sitting on the mantle in your living room. “Please don’t leave me again.” 

Her blue eyes stared up at you, proud and unwavering in their convictions, as they always were. . . always had been. “I’m never far. Pinky.” Promise. 

And then you were in your bed again, the alarm on your phone blaring. 

“Abby?” You mumbled, and you didn’t have to turn over to realize you were alone. 

Ellie was good at putting pressure on herself. It had always been a form of motivation, as cruel as it seemed. She couldn’t let today be awful. No episodes or meltdowns and no long bouts of silence. You were pretty and it really seemed like you could use a friend. 

Ellie could use a friend too. 

She couldn’t remember the last time she’d shown interest in a girl. She’d always been career driven with a one track mind. She was good at overworking herself and running herself dry. She hoped that you’d be able to use that to your benefit today. Ellie wanted to lose herself in something. . . in someone. She wanted to be useful for the first time in what felt like a long, long while.

So she woke up at the butt crack of dawn and took a shower. She kept her eyes shut tight as she washed herself and didn’t even bother to towel dry her hair before she was pulling on an outfit. Thick droplets of water stained the shoulders of her jean button up as she tied up the laces on her boots. She focused on one shoe at a time, her mind preoccupied with thoughts of you. Every once and a while her brain would wander, hellbent on self destruction, but with a small groan she’d remember the sadness in your eyes. 

She’d remember who she was before the accident. 

She moved down the stairs as quietly as she could, praying that Joel’s dog wouldn’t start barking once he realized that his new best friend was leaving the house. The keys to her old car were on the rack beside the front door, right next to Joel’s flashy new pair. He’d told Ellie over dinner that he’d been maintaining the beat up old Jeep the best that he could, meaning she at least had a little bit of freedom while she was back home. 

She locked the door behind her, the cool morning breeze stinging against her wet ears as she gracelessly stumbled down the stairs, juggling the bulky set of keys in her hand. A huge metal spaceship that Joel had stuffed into her Christmas stocking senior year, a neon green carabiner she’d bought at one of the gas stations closest to her school, and a few other childish charms that she couldn’t place any meaning behind swung from the nearly ancient keychain. Her sense of self expression and style back in those days was tacky to say the least, but she appreciated child-Ellie nonetheless. 

“You poor child.” She teased under her breath, climbing into the driver's seat and shoving the key into the ignition. She sucked in a breath and held it before cranking it up. 

To her surprise, the clunker started right up, though the engine shook the steering wheel a little when she put the thing in reverse down the driveway. She hadn’t driven a car since that night at the gas station. It felt a little weird to be behind the wheel, but even stranger to be back here. Jackson was a beautiful place. . . but it didn’t feel the same way that it had before. She wasn’t sure if it was because of her age or the changes that were happening inside of her. The streets still looked the same, aside from some very minor changes to neighbor's houses. She barely paid any attention to her surroundings when Joel had driven her through town yesterday, and she was a bit scared to see the differences. She didn’t want to dwell on those thoughts or do any soul searching, so she reached out for the radio, pressing play on whatever CD had been shoved into it last. 

Depeche mode began to blast over the speakers, and she let out a small sigh of relief. At least her music taste wasn’t horrible in high school. 

But it was no wonder she didn’t have a girlfriend. Ellie wouldn’t have dated little Ellie either, that was for sure. 

She felt a bit crazy to be driving in the opposite direction of town. Back when she lived here, town was the only place she was headed when she was allowed out of the house. It was no wonder why the two of you had never really crossed paths. She used to complain about how far off in the “middle of nowhere” Joel lived, but your farm had his ranch beat by fifteen minutes. The houses got fewer and farther in between, and despite how much Ellie truly did enjoy the city, she couldn’t deny how beautiful the countryside was. The sprawling fields, grazing animals, and splattering of wild flowers had her rolling down the windows of her car, ignoring the chill so that she could get a better look of her surroundings. 

Even the air quality was better in Jackson.

She’d been down this road a few times in her life, having been in the backseat of Joel’s car every single time. She recognized your home from her memories, but your last name didn’t mean much to her back then. She slowed her car down to a crawl, staring at the large sign that sported your family name proudly. 

Ellie would be proud of the farm too if it were hers. She bumped down the drive five minutes earlier than you had told her to show up, staring with wide eyes at your house. It was two stories with a balcony- white with green shutters. The wrap around porch was screened in, protecting you and any guests you might have over from bugs that thrive in the summertime heat. 

Your stretch of land belonged on a painting, and for a second she worried if maybe she wasn’t the right friend for you. This house was too nice and Ellie. . . Ellie wasn’t very nice at all. She'd only talked to you for five minutes yesterday, but she got the feeling that you were a "good girl". You were wholesome, which wasn't how anyone in Ellie's life would choose to describe her. She slowly made her way up your front steps, and for a second she wondered if she should leave. It would probably be better if she did. Ellie could always just lie and tell Joel that she couldn’t find your house. . . he’d probably drop it after insulting her about her bad sense of direction. 

Ellie couldn’t afford to get a crush on anyone right now either. It was horrible timing, and what would be worse is if you actually ever returned those feelings. How was she supposed to explain to you that she wouldn’t ever make a good partner? She couldn’t protect you from anything, not when any loud sounds or bright lights had her falling to her knees. She was careerless, depressed to the point where she had completely lost who she was, had a drinking problem, and was quite certain that she’d combust the second you’d touch her. She was touch and attention starved, but hadn’t remembered that she was even able to desire someone until she’d seen you yesterday- 

You’d be dodging a bullet if she hightailed it right off of your property. So she turned on her heel and stared at her boots as she began walking back down your stairs. Her feet kicked up dirt as she made her way back to her jeep, hand already reaching into her pocket for her keys- 

“Did I not hear you knocking on the door?” A feminine voice called out to her. 

She sucked in a breath so hard that she let out a loud cough, eyes widening as she turned around to face the porch. You were wearing a pair of dirt stained jeans today, though your hair was fastened back with a white bow. Ellie, despite her previous need to protect you from herself, couldn’t fight off the urge to get closer. There was something different about you today. You were a bit manic, your hands already busying themselves with straightening out a few of the potted plants on your porch. You seemed a bit anxious, but you didn’t comment on it so neither did Ellie. Any boundaries you had yesterday with her were gone. You flashed her a wide smile, sauntering up the drive so that you could wrap her up in a tight hug. 

Your arms were shaking as they weaved around her neck, pulling her in close. She froze, limbs locking up in surprise as she tried to fully grasp what was going on. You were treating her like an old friend, someone you were excited to see. Ellie didn’t know why you��d be so happy to see her. . . but then again, she was happy to see you. She remembered what Joel had said last night.

Maybe you were sick and tired of being alone. 

Your bare arms were cold too- freezing as her fingers accidentally brushed the backs of them. Ellie realized that she had gotten here just in time. If anything, she cursed herself for not showing up twenty minutes earlier, if only to save you from whatever had you this shaken up. 

“I probably knocked too quietly. Should have knocked louder, huh?” She mumbled, biting the inside of her cheek as she gave you a gentle squeeze. 

She wasn’t used to holding someone like this that wasn’t Dina or Jesse. You felt nice in her arms. Your muscles weren’t hard or rigid like hers, you were all soft and rounded edges. Gentle curves and arms ready and willing to embrace her. Flushed cheeks and silk bows. You smelled wonderful too- sweet and floral, like Jasmine mixed with honey. She didn’t want to let you go, and you didn’t seem ready to end the hug either.

You were still quivering. 

“Yeah, you should have.” You agreed, giving Ellie one last squeeze before taking a few unsteady steps back.

You hadn’t been completely sure whether or not she would show up today. Waking up this early was a lot to ask of anyone, let alone someone you had just met yesterday. Still, a part of you had hoped that she would be here. On days that were this bad you found it impossible to work, no matter how busy it kept you. You often spent “mental health days”  laid out by Abby’s grave or buried six feet under pillows and blankets in what used to be your shared bed.

Ellie’s presence changed things. 

So you squared off your shoulders and cracked her a wide smile, praying that it looked genuine and not forced. 

“Let’s hop in my truck and I’ll take you on a little tour of the property before we get started.” You tucked your bottom lip between your teeth as you watched the woman take a few steps closer to you.

Ellie looked like she wanted to say something but was holding herself back. You weren’t sure whether or not you would be able to handle her prying or the pity that would follow. 

Your fingers twitched at your sides, wishing so deeply that you hadn’t woken up at all this morning. Ellie was beautiful- gorgeous even. You would have been head over heels if you had met her years ago, before. . . well, before Abby happened. Still, her beauty wasn't enough to completely distract you from your grief. A part of you felt guilty for even finding her attractive as you slid into the front seat of the truck. 

Maybe that was why you’d had such a strange dream last night. Or maybe. . . maybe it wasn’t a dream at all. Maybe it really was Abby trying to tell you that it was okay to move on. That was confusing to even think about, and it made you count the months since her death on both of your hands, trying to gauge if enough time really had passed. You didn’t want to be alone anymore, but the thought of being in love with anyone seemed like an impossibility. Everything was broken. How could you ever love anyone the same way that you loved Abby? You’d just be doing that other person a disservice. 

That’s right, you were cursed. 

You could feel Ellie’s gaze on the side of your face as you made your way down the dirt road, up towards the hen houses. You blinked a few times, the apples of your cheeks heating up in embarrassment. Slowly you met her gaze, lips twitching up in a small smile as she quickly looked away from you, nervous over having been caught. 

“My dad built ten large coops, so this whole fenced-in area right here is where the chickens graze.” You stopped the car and put it in park, keeping the old thing running like you usually did during your quick morning chores. Sometimes the poor truck had a hard time starting back up, and you’d probably burst into tears if your newfound friend had to walk a half mile back to the house with you. 

“Do you guys have any problems with foxes?” She asked, keeping up with your fast pace as you unlatched the front of the fence for the both of you. 

Your nose wrinkled in disgust, and you were quick to throw your arms up exasperatedly. 

“Oh god, do we! I had to get someone out here to change out the fence just six months ago because one of those little fuckers had somehow managed to dig it’s way into their area. Killed seven of my poor girls.” You remembered how angry you were when you’d pulled up to the coops that morning. Burying seven dead hens wasn’t a pleasant experience for you, but it wasn’t something that was new. Still, you hated knowing that they’d suffered in their final moments. 

“Jesus, I’m sorry.” Ellie looked around the area, finding it impossible not to notice how well kept everything was. The coops were freshly painted, the grass was gorgeous and plush- bright green under her feet. Truly, your farm was an oasis. She’d never seen anything quite like it before, and you'd barely even started the tour.

“Can I hold one?” She asked meekly, smiling up at you shyly as you turned to look at her. You didn’t exactly take her as the type of girl that would want to hold a chicken, but you were happy to oblige her. 

“One of my mamas just hatched a few chicks. Would you want to hold-” 

“Yes.” She quickly added, jogging off in the direction that you were pointing, eager to hold anything tiny and fluffy that you had to offer. 

You were shocked at the laugh that bubbled its way out of your chest. A genuine, good natured laugh that you found hard to contain as she began impatiently tapping her foot as she waited for you to catch up. 

“Didn’t take you for a chicken lover, city girl.” You teased, unlatching the door for her so that she could make her way inside. 

The hens squawked excitedly at your appearance, realizing they’d be able to eat their fill of grass, bugs, and dried corn. A few ran over, crowding at your ankles. Rows and rows of nests were lined up along the walls. In the back of the coop were a few small rectangular doors that you could open, which was what you used to harvest eggs. Your dad’s old coops didn’t have anything fancy like that, so you grew up having your hands pecked at. You used to run back home to your mother with blood bruises and angry, raised skin. 

“I love chicks.” Ellie said simply and the double meaning wasn’t lost on you. 

As if on cue one of the chickens began pecking at the woman’s ankles, earning a small hiss of surprise from her. You snorted, biting your lip so that you wouldn’t laugh at her expense. “I can’t say the feeling is mutual, apparently.” You added playfully, looking around for the yellow poof balls. 

“Old news.” She was smiling at you, and something in your chest began doing awful, uncomfortable flips. For a second you even felt a bit nauseous. 

Ellie wasn’t Abby, but there was something similar about the two of them. The short haired girl seemed capable and strong. There was a physical sort of confidence in the way that she walked that told you that she knew how to handle herself. You watched as she shoved her hands in her pockets, shoulders squared off, feet shoulder length apart- and it had your lips parting. 

Still, you remembered Joel talking about his daughter. . . saying that she was military. You couldn’t remember which branch she belonged to, but you could tell that she was well trained. You tried to imagine what Ellie would look like if she was put in a situation where she needed to protect herself, and you found a shiver running up your spine.

There was a coldness that had been in her eyes when the two of you had first met that had chilled you to the bone. You saw none of it when you looked into her eyes now, but. . . still. . . the thought terrified you. Had those capable hands ever killed anyone before? 

You felt horrible even thinking that, even going as far as to give your thigh a small slap in punishment as you bent down, knees digging into the wood shavings and hay. The chicks didn’t seem off put by your small scowl. They saw you and instantly thought “food”, which had them clumsily running in your direction. You hadn’t heard her walk up beside you, only felt the sleeve of her long sleeve shirt brush against your arm as she sat back on her haunches beside you. 

“It won’t scare them if I pick them up, will it?” She asked gently, slowly reaching a hand out so that she could brush it against their plush down feathers. They chirped contentedly, unaware of what “danger” even meant yet. You were guilty of babying your chickens, meaning none of them were scared of humans. They pecked at you when they were annoyed, but were never violent per say. 

“Not at all. They might seem a bit unhappy, but it’s only because they’re hungry.” 

You pressed your hand to your cheek as you watched the woman pick one of the chicks up, holding the tiny thing tightly against her chest so as to not drop it. There was something almost comical about seeing the woman look this gentle, her eyebrows furrowed in concentration as she tried not to hurt the tiny thing. It was adorable. Which was terrifying for you. 

You were once again reminded of your dream. . . and you didn’t think you were ready to let Abby go. Not even when Ellie looked up at you excitedly, using her free hand to gesture towards the small creature in disbelief. Almost like she was scared that even talking would frighten it. 

“So what do we do now?” Ellie asked, putting the chick down so that she could stand back up. You followed her lead, making your way back over towards the door. 

“We open up all the doors and let them walk around for the day. I usually come back and get them back in their coops by sundown.” You let her know, leaving the door wide open as you moved coop to coop. 

Ellie helped you, cutting down the time in half. The two of you were back in the truck in record time. You showed her the fields where you planted corn in the late summer to get ready for early fall. You pointed out the small flower garden you had taken upon yourself to cultivate, and then you pulled up to the green houses. Her jaw went slack as she took in all of the buildings. 

“You do all of this yourself?” She needed to make sure she wasn’t imagining things. Sure, she was no farmer, but even someone like her knew just how much work this must be for you. 

She couldn’t imagine you doing this all day, every day all by yourself. It kinda made her chest ache a bit for you. So when you nodded she took it upon herself to climb out of the truck, eager to do something to lighten the burden for you. 

As the two of you approached what appeared to be the oldest of the greenhouses, she couldn’t help but realize that she’d been with you for about an hour. . . and she felt great. Better than great, she felt normal. She had been sent out here so that she could recover, and while she didn’t quite understand what that really and truly meant, being here with you felt right. Being around the animals felt therapeutic, and while Joel might have told you a little bit about her in passing, you didn’t know enough about Ellie to pass any sort of judgment or feel any sort of pity. 

Even so, Ellie wasn’t sure she’d be against telling you about what happened. Something told her that you would be understanding. You knew what it felt like to lose people, and she was sure that you had regrets somewhere along the line. Everyone does when it comes to losing loved ones. 

She hated that you had suffered enough to understand where she was coming from, but loved that she wasn’t alone for once. 

The two of you walked in silence, and there was a heaviness in your eyes that let her know that you were thinking about something serious and sad. Ellie wondered whether your father was on your mind this morning. . . or perhaps your girlfriend. It wasn’t her place to ask, but that didn’t mean she didn’t want to. 

“Want to help me water them?” You finally asked, motioning towards the tables of plants. 

She nodded, but quickly turned to face you. She couldn’t count how many green houses you had on top of this one. 

“Do we water all of those plants too?” She felt stupid the second that she asked the question, but even more so when you began to giggle. 

Sounding stupid was worth it to hear the sound, so she sucked it up. 

“Those green houses are newer and have a built in sprinkler system. We just have to worry about this one, thankfully. We’d be here all afternoon if not.” You began to head in the direction of the hose so that you could turn it on, your stomach tightening with hunger. 

You knew the second you got back to the house and made breakfast that you’d be nauseous though. Bad days like this were always the same. You were hungry but you couldn’t eat. You wanted to distract yourself but nothing would work. You wanted to talk to someone but didn’t have any friends that you trusted enough to actually. . . onload on, and you were sick of your mom crying on your behalf. 

“So you’re staying with Joel now? For how long?” You decided to make small talk as you handed her the hose, walking along with her as she painstakingly paid attention to every sprout. 

She licked her lips before answering you, eyes flickering in a way that made you think that she might feel a bit nervous. 

“I was. . . sent here. It’s not like I don’t love being home, because I kinda do. It’s just not something that I exactly chose for myself.” That didn’t feel like the whole truth, but you supposed that she would tell you whenever she was ready. 

You played with the raw hem of your old t-shirt, suddenly anxious that you might have put her in a bad spot. Still, you found yourself wanting to know more about her. 

“Do you have an addiction problem?” You realized how inappropriate it was to be so blunt. Your mouth went bone dry with panic, and you were quick to grab her hand, shaking your head. “A-All I’m trying to say is that my uncle had a really bad drug problem for years. He’s been clean and sober since last Christmas and is doing great. I don’t judge, that’s all. I’m proud of you, if anything.” 

She gulped, looking down at your hand and noticing how close your body was to hers now. She fumbled to turn the hose off with one hand, trying to get her breathing under control. It was twice now that you were touching her like this, and she hated herself for wanting to wrap you back up in a hug so bad. She was also trying not to notice how plush and kissable your lips were.

You smelled great too, which made it hard for Ellie to think. 

“Yeah, I guess I have a bit of an addiction problem,” She mumbled, but shrugged her shoulders soon after, contradicting herself. “But that’s not really why I’m here.” 

Ellie would have to tell you eventually, she supposed. If the two of you were going to be as good of friends as Joel wanted, then she’d have to fess up eventually. It was better to get it out and in the open now rather than later. Plus. . . if she had some sort of a breakdown then maybe you’d be more understanding if you knew why it was happening. 

“My therapist tells me that I suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I was in the Marines and I had a really bad accident. So. . . it was hard for me to live alone.” Ellie stared down at a long-dead leaf on the ground and bent down to pick it up, gently playing with it’s crinkled edges. 

“Did you have panic attacks? I have those sometimes too.” You wanted her to know that she wasn’t alone, as stupid as it might sound. 

You wanted to relate to her without telling her that your girlfriend had also been a Marine. She was being vulnerable with you, and the last thing you wanted to do was make this moment about you by bringing up your deceased girlfriend.

“Yeah. . . Yeah, I have those a lot. Sometimes I lose track of time- disassociate. It’s scary for others to deal with, so my friends thought that it would be best if I were with Joel. There’s less triggers here than back in Chicago.” You could tell that she was still uncomfortable with the subject matter, but she was powering through. 

Ellie appreciated that there wasn’t a hint of judgment in your tone. You genuinely seemed curious. . . and talking about herself like this felt good. Validating, even. 

“What triggers you? I just want to make sure that I don’t overstep or accidentally do anything wrong-” 

“No, no. You’re fine. It’s more so loud noises and bright lights.” 

“So no gunshots?” 

“Guns aren’t too bad. . . it’s more so car crashes. Explosions, you know?” 

Your mouth went dry. You did know. It’s how Abby died, afterall. You hated that Ellie had gone through something similar. Your heart ached for her. 

“Is that how you got this. . . ?” You began to brush your fingers against the scar over her eye. You froze as she flinched, guilt bottoming out your stomach as you quickly yanked your hand away.

She reached out to take your elbow into her calloused hand before you could drop your palm back down at your side, and pressed your fingers against the skin herself. Her skin was still soft, but raised and jagged. You’d never felt a scar this deep before. Still, it was warm under your touch. Alive. 

The moment felt oddly intimate, and you kept your fingers there for a few seconds too long before dropping your hand back at your side. Ellie felt like she was going to explode. No one had ever wanted to touch her scar, let alone been allowed to. 

“Yeah, It is.” She cleared her throat, grabbing one of her arms in her hands nervously. She was starting to realize that she didn’t mind being seen by you. “I’m legally blind in the eye now, which has been pretty hard to get used to.” 

“So you can’t see at all out of it?” You questioned, beginning to walk back over towards the repotting station. You’d noticed a few sprouts that were getting a little too big for their pots, and the last thing you wanted was crowded roots. 

She followed after you like a lost puppy, hot on your trail. “I can see shapes and colors. Movement, and everything. But if you held up your hand and asked me “how many fingers am I holding up”, I wouldn’t be able to tell you.” She’d practically had to relearn how to do everything again, as dramatic as that sounded. Losing the vision of one eye affected a lot more than one might think. 

“Oh, shit.” You remarked, nose wrinkling up in sympathy. You couldn’t imagine how hard that must have been on top of dealing with the mental anguish of the accident. 

“ ‘Oh, shit’ is right.” She agreed with a small smile, leaning her hip against the table as you began laying out the necessary supplies. She watched your hands as they moved expertly around the table, eyes locked on your fingers. “I used to be beautiful.” She joked absentmindedly, alluding to the scar that now marred her features. 

“You’re still beautiful.” You said, fully concentrated on the task at hand. 

You didn’t realize the weight that your words carried, nor Ellie’s reaction to them. She felt like a giddy teenager. She couldn’t stop herself from fidgeting with the buttons on her shirt. She was smitten.

You were the first person to treat her like an actual human being since the incident. This was the most alive she’d felt in almost a year. . . and she was talking about things. Not like she might talk to her therapist, it was different than that. She was talking to someone that wanted to get to know her, not just to diagnose her, but to understand her. It felt good. Really good. Sickeningly good. 

And you thought she was beautiful. 

“Do you want to help me repot these little guys?” You asked, motioning towards the tiny pots. 

She was scared of killing your seedlings but nodded anyway, desperate for your approval. Ellie watched as you demonstrated the entire thing for her, praying to god she wouldn’t forget a step. 

The two of you stood shoulder to shoulder, shaking out roots and gently tucking the plants into their new homes. It was calming- melodic, almost. The constant motion, the gentle noises of the wilderness all around you. Ellie could even feel herself getting good at it. Not as good as you, of course. . . but she wasn’t as bad as she thought she would be. 

You watched as she rolled her sleeves up and over her forearms, taking a second to appreciate her hands. Once again, you felt guilty for being so attracted to her. Strands of auburn hair had fallen out from behind her ear and hung in her pale face as she focused on her task. Her strong hands worked methodically. Her veins, her knuckles, her forearms and biceps- Ellie wasn’t just beautiful but gorgeous. 

‘Give me a sign, Abby. If I’m not reading too far into last night's dream. . . then just give me some sort of a sign.’ You thought to yourself, eyebrows furrowing as you packed more dirt around the seedling in your hand. You felt like you were being horrifically dramatic, but what else could you do?

You felt idiotic. Delusional, even.

Beside you Ellie continued to work, completely unaware of your building turmoil. Pot after pot, she was really getting the hang of it. Pack down a layer of dirt, shake out roots, pack dirt on top- repeat.

She  reached out for another one of the black plastic pots, sliding it over in front of her. She was so lost in her own thoughts that she almost didn’t hear the rattling. She’d been so close to covering up whatever was at the bottom with dirt, but the sunlight caught whatever it was just right.

It sparkled. 

Ellie pinched the object between two dirt coated fingers, her eyebrows practically raising up to her hairline as she realized that it was a ring. A valuable looking one, at that. 

“Uh. . . is this yours?” Ellie asked, showing it to you. 

You blinked a few times at the ring, scared for a moment that you were hallucinating, because things like this only happened in movies. People asking for signs from the other side only for a ghostly apparition to pop up on screen.

Still, that was your promise ring in Ellie’s hand. 

Your bottom lip quivered, eyes filling up with tears before you could even stop them. You reached out with gentle fingers, taking it into your hand graciously. 

“Thank you.” 

And you weren’t sure if you were talking to Ellie. . . or Abby.

✦ want to be the first to know when i post? message me about being put on the taglist!

@viswifetotallyreal​  @lillysbigwilly​  @overtrred28​  @corpsebridenightamare​ @jokerpokimoon @macaroni676 @eveshyper @lil-elliesgf @fuckingstarellie @gold-dustwomxn @madislayyy @moonbluz @vianna99 @sawaagyapong @mrsromanoff @glory-grl @sadeyedsugar @inf3ct3dd @teatimedisaster @laucalo @ellieswilliamsgf @machetegirl109 @moonchild184 @onlinelesbo @lasting-lover @luvrrcharr @koremis @elsmissingfingers @whoreshores @crxmxnzl-c0rpzes @circe-is-struggling @cqrrnts @elliewilliamsmiller0 @harrysslutsstuff @shewantstoknow @laundrybag29 @darkerstarsstuff @elliesdesperatewife @rulerzreachf4n44 @eviestevie-14 @deliriousrn @diddiqueen @bready101 @felsweb @jaeminpookie @elliesswearjar @2012wannabe @abbysbae @boobabietch @amorqts

[darlingsfandom]

She’s Got A Secret !

anon: L'I have a request to make about Neil, where the reader is his stepmother, she was cleaning his room, she notices that there are porn DVDs of her young, when she was a porn star, and talk to him and the rest will be a porno (obviously reader is dom and Neil is the sub)

Summary: Neil sets up his stepmom because he found out her secret and he plays along like he didn’t know.

TW: Stepcest! Swearing, Fem Dom! Age Gap.

AN: This is 100% fantasy/fiction! In no way do I condone Stepcest! This was requested .

Pairing: Older Fem Dom Reader x Older Sub Neil!

Reader is in her early 40s x Neil is 25!

This had to be a bad joke or something! There was no way your eyes were actually seeing what was in front of you. You bit your bottom lip as you held the DVD in your hand before placing it back where you found it. Your heart dropped a little before you sighed. Neil was your stepson, yes he’s old enough to be out on his own but he’s having a hard time with that and he does help around the house and when his father is out he’s extra handy around the house. He’s a sweet boy, funny and cute but after finding the dvd you started in along with an old magazine where you were the center fold in his room… it’s hard to see him in a certain light.

You didn’t mean to find any of it, you were just in there to put his laundry away when you see it sitting on the ground which was weird since Neil always took good care of his movies so you had it mind to do something nice and pick it up only to discover what it was.

“y/n?!” Neil yelled as he walked in the front door with the bags of groceries. You quickly picked up the laundry basket and carried it on your hip as you came downstairs to meet him in the kitchen.

“Neil.” You smiled softly before setting the basket back in the laundry room.

“Are you okay ? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” He laughed as he put away the groceries.

“Yeah yeah fine.” You waved your hand with a little laugh before you became aware of how much he was actually looking at you. You swallowed the lump in your throat. If you wanted things to go back to normal you had to tell him, it’s not like he’s your birth son and he’s twenty five for crying out loud. You ran your hands over your stomach before you opened your mouth to speak but the words got stuck.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Neil asked putting his hand on your shoulder.

“I found your porn stash!” You blurted out before covering your mouth with your hand. Neil’s cheeks turned deep red as his eyes went wide and he rubbed the back of his neck. “I didn’t mean too! I was putting your laundry away and seen a movie on the floor! You care so much about movies so I thought I’d pick it up and then I seen what it was and …”

“Oh god!” He rubbed his face with his hands.

“Sweetie, I got even worse news though…” you put your hands on his shoulders. Neil looked into your eyes before he finally spoke up.

“What? It’s not like it really could be worse unless you’re about to tell me you’re the girl in the video I’ve been mast…” His words stopped when he realized how your face went soft. “I’ve been watching my stepmoms porno..” he had mixed emotions.

“Short answer, yes you have…” you cupped his face.

“Fuck! Wait how do I know you’re not just messing with me?” Neil stepped back and you tilted your head before you turned your back to him, pulled down the top of your shorts and showed him the little flower trampstamp you had. His eyes went wide. Neil had fantasies about that tattoo and came so many times on his fist thinking of it and the girl who made such pretty sounds.

“Think I’m still messing with you?” You asked over your shoulder before he walked away and sat down on the couch. Neil ran his hands over his face again before slapping his thighs and just his luck , he had a hard on. “I know this is weird Neil, but things don’t have to be weird.” You sat down next to him and grabbed his hand.

“How? How did you do porn?” He stumbled a little which made you laugh.

“It’s a little weird to explain but all you need to know is, I had fun, I made decent money and clearly I’m pretty good since my own stepson liked it so much!” You teased him making Neil blush before he groaned.

“Did… do you still make porn?” Neil was curious.

“Now? No im too old honey .”

“That’s not true! You’d be a milf!”

“MILF?” You tilted your head slightly in confusion.

“Mom I’d love to fuck..”

Neil bit his bottom lip as he looked you up and down making you feel something you haven’t in awhile. Sure your husband fucked you but it never last long and you often had to think of someone else to get off. Neil interrupted your thighs by squeezing your arm. You shook your head before leaning back against the couch and biting your own lip back at him.

“Can I see your tits now? Do you still have a bush? Do you..”

“Neil!” You chuckled making him lean in closer giving you puppy dog eyes. “If I show you, don’t tell anyone!” Neil nodded eagerly before you grabbed the bottom of your shirt and took off the fabric to show Neil your tits. His jaw dropped.

“They’re so pretty! Just like in the video.” He reached forward and grabbed both of them gently before he started massaging them.

“Neil.. you shouldn’t be… we shouldn’t be…”

“Please! I’ll be a good boy for you.” He pouted his bottom lip and how could you say no! You’re both adults and what Neil didn’t know is that you were in the middle of divorcing his father but that’s for you to know.

You watched Neil carefully as he massaged your tits. Neil couldn’t hold back and quickly sucked your right nipple into his mouth making you gasp. He looked up at you with soft eyes while sucking your tit. He readjusted himself so that his hips were pushing into yours as he put himself in your lap so he could push his face further into your boobs while sucking your nipples. Your fingers twirled in his hair , your arousal was pooling in your panties while Neil pushed his clothes hard on against your cunt.

“You never answered my question … do you still have a bush… mommy?” Neil smirked as he licked a sting of spit up your nipple before pulling back and looking down at your lap.

“Mommy? That’s the first time you’ve ever called me that pretty boy. Is it because you want to fuck me so bad ?” You ran your finger under his chin and Neil could’ve came right then and there. You stood up, pulled down your shorts and laid back on the couch with your pussy on display but still had your panties on so Neil could see the wet patch. Before you could even form a sentence Neil had his face buried against the wet patch, desperately licking at it. “Fuck Neil , eager boy for mommy.” You teased.

Neil rubbed his face against your cunt before pulling back, hooking his fingers into the side of your panties and yanked off the fabric before his jaw dropped.

“Oh my fucking god. Such a pretty bush! Fuck! Can’t wait to eat it “Neil licked his lips.

“Yeah? Then fucking eat my cunt!” You pushed his head down and shoved your cunt into his face. Neil wrapped his arms around your thighs as he licked at your cunt. Neil knew what he was doing, he watched videos enough to know what got you going. “That’s right baby, eat mommy’s wet cunt like a good boy!” Your hips fucked forward as Neil hummed happily , his tongue licking as fast as you could to taste every inch. “Fuck!! Mommy’s good boy” you gritted your teeth as he desperately swirled his tongue into your pussy.

Neil was in heaven! He’s often dreamed about this and not just because of the video , now that he’s knows it’s you in the video, the videos have became ten thousand times hotter. Neil was so busy eating your cunt he didn’t even realize how bad the head of his cock was leaking in his boxers. He tapped your thighs and you pulled away to look down at him.

“Are you okay baby boy?” You asked. Neil nodded quickly before he stood up to pull off his pants. A soft sigh left his lips when he felt his cock spring free. “Oh honey, look at you, your poor little cock.” You wrapped your hand around his stiff cock. To be fair Neil’s cock was bigger than his father’s and had the girth you’ve wanted.

“Hurts mommy!” He gave you a soft pout.

“I bet it does, poor baby. Since I now know what you’ve been watching….” Your fingers slide up and down the veins on Neil’s cock making him whimper. You swiped your index through the pre-cum leaking and licked it off making Neil watch in awe. “I know you won’t mind if I use you for my pleasure.” You pushed Neil back on the couch, climbed onto his lap and gripped his shoulders. “But do you want this Neil ? Because we can stop.”

Neil placed his hands on your hips, pulled you down and looked into your eyes.

“I’ve never wanted anything more.” He kissed you with softness and passion. Your head was spinning at this kiss before you pulled away to see a goofy little smile on his lips. You adjusted yourself so your folds were against his cock and slowly rubbed against his cock. He sighed happily as you used him for pleasure.

You stopped suddenly before lifting your hips to hold his cock and slowly slide down on it. Your mouth hung open as his cock filled you up. You sank all the way down before allowing yourself to get comfortable. Neil was already panting since you were squeezing his cock.

“Mommy! Your cunt feels so good!” Neil praised as he laid below you.

Your lips curved into a smirk before you started bouncing up and down on his cock. Your hands rested on his chest while you bounced on his cock. The sounds of your wetness echoed throughout the room and Neil was whimpering below you, mumbling little praises of how good it feels, how amazing you are, how your moans are sinful! Both of you were panting like crazy as you dug your nails into his chest as you started to ride his cock back and forth.

“Fuck! So much better than my ex girlfriend mommy!”

“That’s right baby! Mommy knows what you need.” You kissed him while he laid there enjoying this new pleasure.

“Please let me fuck you mommy!” Neil was begging you.

“Not now baby, you’re mommy’s good little bitch right now.” You squeezed his cheeks together and Neil could’ve came right then and there again.

“Say it again mommy! I’m going to cum!” Neil was on the verge of tears.

“Aww does mommy’s little bitch need to cum? Hmm need to make a mess do you?” You swiveled your hips on his cock in a way that he’s never felt.

“Fuck please mommy! Yes I’m your little bitch!” Neil was digging his nails into your side so he wouldn’t cum.

You slowly pulled off and looked down at his wet cock. Your hand wrapped around it tightly before you got on your knees and pumped his cock.

“Say it baby, say you’re my little bitch so you can be a good boy and cum.” You smacked the head of his cock before spitting on it.

“Mommy!” Neil was a blubbering mess full of pleasure about to burst.

“Come on sweetheart, use your words.” You smacked his cock again before kissing the tip.

“Fuck! I’m your little bitch! Fuck I’m..” and before he could finish Neil exploded with cum. His cock was aching as the creamy liquid shot out onto your breasts making you gasp.

“What a good boy! Yeah mommy’s good little bitch!” You praised Neil as he squirmed and whined as he finished shooting his load against your breasts. “Now come here and lick my fucking cunt until I squirt.” You barely gave Neil a second before he was on his knees and you were on the couch with your legs spread. Your fingers ran through his cum on your breasts and you sucked them clean as Neil devoured your cunt like a starved man.

“Fuck! That’s it! Eat my fucking cunt!” You argue your back and Neil used his two fingers to slide into you which made you groan in pleasure. He had good fingering skills as well as pussy eating skills. His tongue lapped faster as you laid there enjoying the pleasure he was giving you. “Neil! That’s it! What a good boy!” Neil moaned into your cunt as you pushed his head closer and held your hand on the back of his head as you felt your orgasm building fast.

Your orgasm was on the brink and when Neil started rubbing his nose against your clit, that was it.

“Neil! Fuck! I’m cumming!” You cried out as the climax gushed out of you soaking his face. Neil desperately tried to lick up all the squirt as it splashed him. He was beyond desperate for it, everyone time he watched you squirt on the video he always imagined how it would taste and now he’s actually tasting you. Neil licked his lips as your body went limp on the couch.

“You really are good boy Neil.” You singled him back up and he stood up, grabbed your hand as he sat down next you and laid his head on your shoulder. Your fingers went through the cum on your chest and brought them to his lips. Neil slowly wrapped his mouth around your fingers and sucked gently while you used another finger to taste his cum yourself. Neil let go of your fingers with a pop before he wrapped an arm around your waist.

“Am I the best boy?” He sounded so sweet.

“Yes sweetheart, the best boy! Now I know you want to cuddle but it’s probably best we get cleaned up first.” He nodded quickly before getting up to start a shower.

“Oh and Neil, don’t tell anyone about the movie.” You raised any eyebrow at him while he nodded and smiled. He thanked whatever lucky stars he had because his plan worked after all.

[beanarie]

i never wanted water once

@sanguinarysanguinity prompted me to write tommy also baking through it.

tw: mention of past child abuse

~

"Where did all these flatbreads come from?" Cap asks. "Did one of you save a cafe and forget to log it in?"

"Yeah, huh. I dunno." Not looking up from the couch, Tommy turns a page on his manual. "Box was waiting by the door when I came in."

"Oh damn. Did you get to try the one with the goat cheese and arugula?" Jenner asks, her mouth full. "So good."

Tommy concentrates very hard on the words in front of him and tries to ignore the little pulse of warmth in his gut.

The feeling of bread dough between his fingers, dry under a dusting of flour and pillowy soft, smelling of yeast and occasionally olive oil or rosemary, reminds Tommy of his mother. Of Saturday afternoons when he came back from baseball practice and sat in the kitchen to stuff his face and maybe help out a little. The record player would be on with her favorites, Joni Mitchell, Neil Young, Paul Simon, Laura Nyro, or Cat Stevens adding to the dreamy atmosphere.

She wasn't perfect. She didn't talk much, especially not when some random, pointless, petty thing crawled up his dad's ass and he blamed Tommy for it. But she sang along to her records with a sweet, clear voice, and sometimes she pulled him out of his chair to rock him around the floor in a sort of dance. For those few hours before his dad returned from the VFW, Tommy was safe and happy. She loved him. He'd like to think she'd love the man he turned out to be.

He hasn't thrown himself into baking like this since he was discharged from the army. Once he finds his footing, the results pile up quickly. He starts leaving a box or two behind on his way out for B shift, not only to make space in his kitchen but to hopefully throw anyone off his scent. He considers stopping by on his off days in time for C shift as well, before deciding that's a little unhinged.

Two weeks after leaving Evan, Tommy mentally checks out while shopping and finds himself with the ingredients for keto-friendly focaccia. The dough feels wrong. The smell is off. It seems like all he's doing is building an abomination. But he drowns the whole thing in olive oil infused with thyme and tries a sliver. It's more than passable. He doesn't want it and doesn't want to inflict it on his team, who don't have any dietary restrictions apart from one vegetarian.

He pays someone from Taskrabbit to deliver it to the 118 along with a couple of stromboli stuffed with pepperoni and salty cheese. He gets the tasker to write the labels, not trusting his ability to anonymize his own handwriting.

Then he loses himself in trying to figure out zeppole. They keep coming out too dense, or not frying all the way through.

[bucksaiga]

Attached, like that ❤️‍🩹 internalized homophobia tw

"...I think I'm getting too attached to you." Billy said randomly, eating the soft pretzel Steve brought him on their lunch breaks.

"What? Whaddya mean?" Steve wondered, passing the shared drink between them.

"We spend a lot of time together lately. Now, whenever I don't see you, I'm..." He fought to hold back, or tried to, but if he couldn't talk to Steve, he felt like he couldn't talk to anyone. "I get pissed when I don't get to see you. Not pissed at you, just—pisses me off. I dunno."

"I think that's normal." Steve reassured.

"I don't think it is."

"It is." Steve confirmed again. "I get pretty bummed when we can't hang out too. Only difference is...everything pisses you off. So you show anger for all your emotions."

Billy tusked, narrowing his eyes at Steve. "Fuck you."

"Lighten up." Steve playfully nudged. "I'm not givin' you shit about it. Just saying."

"Okay so, what, it's normal to be upset when we don't see each other?"

"I think so." Steve nodded. "We're friends."

"Do you get upset when you can't see Robin? Or those dweebs?"

"Hm...Now that I think about it..." He shook his head, a chuckle escaping him. "No. It doesn't bother me at all."

"So then we're too attached to each other." Billy deduced. "You know this is pussy shit, right? To be attached to another guy?"

"So what if it is?" Steve shrugged. "You mean a lot to me, Billy. We've been getting along so much better than I could've imagined."

"I can't be...that way." Billy stared off, a tense, pained look on his face. "I can't...feel these things for you. It's not natural."

"If it wasn't natural, why do we feel like this?"

"I don't have all the fuckin answers, Harrington." Billy snapped. "It...feels like I did something wrong. I did something to make me like this."

Steve turned to Billy, hoping for clarity. "Billy...do you like me?"

Billy growled as he sprang up from the spot he sat with Steve, turning his back to him. "Yeah. I fuckin like you, alright? I couldn't help it. Couldn't control my feelings. Gonna fuck off and never talk to me again, now?"

"No. I think...I like you too. I didn't think I was...that way either. But I feel the same way I felt about Nancy about you. I didn't choose this. It just happened."

Billy turned his attention back to Steve. "We gotta make it stop, Harrington. We gotta make this shit go away so we can still hang out without...becoming..." He let out a defeated sigh. "Neil would kill me."

Steve stood, slowly grabbing Billy's hand.

Billy's heart skipped a beat when their fingers touched. He pulled away and turned his back to Steve once more. "We can't do this."

"Do you wanna do this?"

Billy shrugged.

Steve stared at Billy's tense back and scrunched up shoulders, overhearing a soft sniffle.

He peeked over at Billy's face, spotting the tears when Billy pointedly turned away.

Steve placed comforting hands on Billy's shoulders prompting him to loosen up. "Look at me. C'mon." He coaxed. "We stayed up all night on prom night, talking shit and drinking. We've seriously bonded, man. You know you can tell me anything."

"I wish I didn't tell you this." Billy admitted. "Now I feel like I lost my friend."

Steve slowly spun Billy around. "No matter what happens, you're always gonna be my friend, alright? We can pretend this conversation didn't happen if you want to."

"Don't you want to?" Billy questioned. "You don't wanna be...this either, right?"

"I don't really mind. I've already come to terms with this awhile ago. But if it's too hard for you, I don't mind that either. As long as we can still hang out."

Billy intertwined his pinky with Steve's. "I can't just be your friend. The feelings aren't gonna disappear. They're too strong."

Steve gently grasped Billy's chin. Billy's heart began to race with excitement and fear. He worriedly glanced around, and Steve turned his head back towards him. "We're alone. No one's ever disturbed us in the 2 months we've been hanging out in this shed."

Billy sighed. "I fuckin' know that, but it doesn't mean I'm not scared."

"Let's take this one step at a time, then. How about a kiss—"

"No." Billy immediately refused. "If I kiss you, I'm never gonna be able to stop thinking about you. Then I'll really be in deep."

Steve laughed. "I never took you for a worrier, Billy."

"Yeah, well, I never took me for a lot of things...but here we are."

"Listen, Billy. It's our life. We can do whatever we want, and we don't have to tell anyone anything about how we feel or...what we are. We can just...be two pals in public, and we can be who we really are in the privacy of my house."

Billy liked the idea of being able to be his true self with Steve. He needed to shed away some of the expectations from his father and sort his shit out a bit, but he knew one thing for certain: He wanted Steve.

"So you like me, huh? You really like me?"

Steve nodded with certainty. "Yeah. I really do."

"So you like...wanna fuck me and stuff?" Billy asked teasingly, sticking his tongue out at Steve.

Steve turned red at the thought. "I—" He laughed. "Maybe—how about...a kiss first?"

Billy finally agreed, his lips slowly meeting Steve's. They were soft and welcoming, and tasted like pepsi and bananas. Weird combination, sure, but it was Steve's lips he kissed, and that was the best part of all.

"I uh...I have to get back to work." Steve spoke softly, their lips still ghosting one another's.

"Me too. But I'll see you later, right?"

Steve nodded. "I can't wait."

Billy stole one more kiss and watched as Steve hurried out of the shed.

They hadn't discussed the nature of their relationship just yet, but Billy wanted to take one step at a time. Each step with Steve was another step toward Billy becoming his own person.

He realized...it was okay to be...like that with Steve. It was better than being like Neil.

Billy went back to his lifeguard chair, smiling to himself, thinking about the next time he'd kiss Steve's lips.

[ladyfauxhawk]

tumblr is my happy place, BUT I need to say something difficult (TW: general discussion of sexual assault)

I read the Neil Gaiman article in Vulture yesterday. I'm not gonna repost it, you can find it if you want to read it. I'm not a Neil Gaiman fan, and most certainly am not diving into that back catalog now.

As a victim of sexual assault (by someone I'd call a charismatic elder and performative ally) when I was in college, this article was the clearest nonfiction piece I've ever read about the victim's experience of SA. The confusion and doubt and the sort of visceral clarity that comes after. I was taken back to some dark places when reading the victims' accounts.

I knew it would be a rough read and I was capable of doing so because I've had 20 years to sift thru the wreckage of my experience and be capable of bearing witness. If you're not ready for that, you don't have to read it. I hope the victims can learn that being vulnerable and soft is a great strength- you can't blame yourself for a bad person taking advantage. That vulnerability is human. It's how we make friends. It's how we survive.

As a writer of RPF reading something like this is awful and feels cautionary somehow. Someone is mourning their blorbos. That's OK. It's not your fault as a fan when the information you formerly held as true is disproven. You don't bear the burden of shitty people. You can only choose what to do with what you learned.

This article reminded me of why I have my own Ethics of RPF. These are my rules because I need them. They help me focus on what matters. Maybe they'll be helpful for someone else too:

Don't break the veil between the real world and your writing on tumblr/Ao3/wherever. You're writing fiction. Keep it fiction. Use whatever freely given source material you find in the wild but don't try to create it. We're all just people.

My engagement with fandom needs to be better than in real life. The whole of the internet needs to be better than in real life, or I need to go touch grass. This is for me. It should be fun. If it's not, find something else. And if my blorbo hurts my friends in this fandom, I'm cutting them from my life with the sharpest knife I can find.

Be kind to yourselves today. If any of my mutuals want to talk, my messages are open to you. ❤️

[fallinginvictus]

tw: mention of Tilda and Drake

part of a scene that I wrote for something else but then just never continued

Aaron is not a reliable narrator and this is just how in the story he feels about things.

Later, Aaron wouldn't be able to recall how it came to this, how anger started simmering inside of his stomach, boiling his organs, vapour crawling under his skin, melting his flesh. He gritted his teeth then, the sound echoing inside the quiet room, his hands clenched into fists by his sides, his nails digging into his palms until they hurt, until they bled, as he tried to focus on something else, trying to keep his boiling anger from shattering his ribcage and destroying everything in its path.

They were sitting in Betsy's office, the couch soft under Aaron's weight, a smoking mug of hot chocolate sitting in front of them. Andrew was holding a blue one in his hands, Neil a yellow one. Aaron didn't want to drink her hot chocolate, he didn't want to delude himself into thinking that he was safe and warm, that he could relax and let go. Aaron didn't feel safe, didn't feel warm, his body was tense, the tips of his fingers cold.

They had been going to Betsy for a while, trying to fix what had never once been whole, their relationship but a porcelain plate found one rainy day on the side of a crowded street, shattered but pretty. How could they ever be able to fix it when they had no idea of how it had looked like when it had been whole.

Betsy's was Andrew's, he wasn't Aaron's. How could Aaron trust her judgement, how could he ever confide in her?

Whatever I say, he always thought. Whatever me and Andrew will talk about, she will always pick his side. She will always be his.

“Why is he here, anyways,” he asked when his anger hadn't yet reached the surface, interrupting Neil in the middle of a sentence.

“Do you even want to be here?” Neil spat back as he turned towards Aaron.

“With you? No.”

“Okay why don't we-”

“No,” Neil interrupted Betsy's calm voice. “Why doesn't Aaron talk for a change? It's been months of them coming here together and not once has Aaron put in any effort.”

“How would you even know?” Aaron replied as the agner started to bubble. “And why would you even care? It has nothing at all to do with you.”

“Because I actually care about Andrew and for whatever reason he seems to want to patch things up with his ungrateful and selfish brother.”

“Ungrateful?” Aaron snarled, turning sharply towards Neil.

“This is not how we do things here,” Betsy said, trying to calm them down. “Let's discuss why you think-”

“Andrew has done everything in his power to keep you safe from your mother, all he ever did was for you, to protect you because you couldn't protect yourself and yet here you still are, resenting him for it.”

“I'm sorry, should I have thanked him on my knees for killing my mother?” he asked as the boiling anger mixed with his melted organs started to rise up in his throat.

“He killed his own mother for you, he-”

“It wasn't his mother!” Aaron spat out, the words tumbling out of throat and splattering on the ground.

“Aaron-”

“She was mine. My mum,” he whispered as he got up from the couch. “He was willing to live his life in agony as Drake abused him just so that he could have a loving mother. The only reason he left was because he was scared of me getting hurt. That's what he said last time. Not to save himself, but to save me. We are the same.”

Andrew went still on the couch as the words left Aaron's mouth.

Neil chuckled humorlessly, “Don't you dare-”

“Tell the truth? He wanted a mother's love more than anything else and was willing to be subjected to the worst kind of pain just to have it. He didn't kill his mum, because Tilda was never his. She was mine,” the lump in his throat made his words come out in a chocked sound, his hands shaking as anger kept flowing in his veins. "It was easy to kill her because he never cared about her in the first place. The difficult part about your mother hurting you is that it's your own mother hurting you. That's why you don't fight back, why you don't leave, because no matter how much it hurts, she's still your mum and you still love her. It was easy for Andrew because it was just some woman. I could fight a stranger on the street if they attacked me. I didn't fight back, not because I didn't know how to fight or how to defend myself, but because I didn't want to.” A second passed. “I'm grateful that he saved me, that he risked his own life to make sure I could be safe and unharmed. But stop fucking acting as if I'm insane and pathetic for mourning my mother, for being upset that she died because of me, that-”

“She didn't die because of you,” Andrew said, the cup of hot chocolate still in his hand, his eyes on Aaron.

“She's dead because you killed her. You killed her to save me. She died because of me.”

“She died because she was a bad person who hurt her son,” Andrew said as he placed his mug on the table in front of him.

“That's irrelevant. That's not the point,” Aaron shook his head as his anger started to evaporate.

“We all made our choices. She chose to be a terrible human being, I chose to kill her. I'm not going to apologise.”

“I don't fucking want you to,” Aaron said inside a breath. “I want you and your boyfriend to stop looking down on everyone who doesn't feel the way you do, doesn't think the way you do. God forbid I loved my mother and I sometimes miss the mum who loved me. You never even met that side of her, so you have nothing to miss.”

“Aaron, Neil and Andrew don't look down on you-”

“Don't they? Don't you Neil?”

Neil stayed quiet, his brows furrowed, his lips a straight line.

“You call Kevin a coward. You act as if me being upset over my abuser dying because of me makes me pathetic, you-”

“She didn't die because of you,” Andrew said again between gritted tweeth.

“Stop focusing on that,” Aaron exploded. “That's not what matters now!”

“It matters to me,” Andrew said, his tone flat, his face unreadable.

“Why does that matter to you?” Betsy asked, her eyes turning towards Andrew.

“See?” Aaron whispered as a tear finally made its way down his cheek. “You only care about him. I just told everyone here something that matters to me and yet all that matters is what Andrew thinks, what he feels, why he feels that. I think we should stop coming here if all that we do is try to see what Andrew feels and me apologising for everything.”

[redsummermoon]

Unknown

Charlie Dalton x reader CW: use of Y/N, female reader, angst, TW Neil’s death mentioned TW [0.9k words]  Using themes from Hozier’s Work Song and Unknown/Nth.

“You just signed your expulsion papers, Nuwanda!” 

The words echo through Y/N’s mind. She paces the length of the empty classroom, her breath coming in sharp bursts. She could barely keep her thoughts straight, the noise of everything crashing down around her was overwhelming.

Across from her, Charlie sat on one of the desks, his expression unreadable. The light was dim, casting long shadows across his face. She’d never seen him so still, so quiet, and it scared her. It scared her more than the expulsion letters that were probably being drafted in the headmaster’s office at that very moment.

“They’re going to expel you, Charlie. I know they are,” Y/N said, breaking the silence. Her voice was shaky, barely holding together, and she wrapped her arms around herself as if to keep from falling apart. “You punched Cameron, you defied Nolan. They’re going to blame you for all of it. And I—” She bit her lip, forcing down the rising panic. “What if I never see you again?”

Charlie leaned back on his hands, eyes steady on her. He shrugged, the nonchalance on the surface, but Y/N could see the tension in his shoulders. “Maybe they will. Maybe they won’t. It doesn’t matter.”

“Doesn’t matter?” Y/N’s voice cracked, a mixture of frustration and fear. She took a few steps toward him, her hands balling into fists at her sides. “Charlie, how can you say that? This is your life we’re talking about. They’re going to throw you out, and what then? You’re just... okay with that?”

Charlie exhaled, finally standing up and closing the distance between them. His hands found hers, gently loosening her fists. His grip was warm, steady and reassuring, in a way only Charlie could be. “Y/N, none of this... Welton, expulsion, any of it... matters to me anymore. Not after everything that’s happened. Not after Neil.”

Y/N’s heart stung at the mention of Neil’s name. The grief was still so raw, and she hadn’t even begun to process it. None of them had. “You’re angry, and you’re hurt, I get that. But Charlie, I can’t lose you too,” she whispered, her voice breaking.

Charlie’s eyes softened, and he gently brushed a strand of hair from her face. “You won’t lose me,” he said quietly, as if the truth of it was so simple, so inevitable. “They can expel me, throw me out of Welton, but I’m not going anywhere.”

Her tears brimmed over now, spilling down her cheeks. “But what if your parents send you so far away? What if you can’t come back? What if…” Her voice trailed off as she choked back a sob.

Charlie cupped her face in his hands, his thumb brushing away her tears. “Y/N,” he said, his voice so soft, yet filled with an intensity that made her chest tighten. “You know the distance would never make a difference to me. There’s nothing that could keep me from you.”

Y/N stared at him, her heart aching at the conviction in his voice. “You really believe that, don’t you?”

Charlie’s lips curled into a small, sad smile. “Yeah, I do.” He pulled her closer, wrapping his arms around her waist as if to anchor her. “You’re the only thing in this place that’s real to me, Y/N. If I have to leave, I’ll still find my way back to you. Always.”

She rested her forehead against his chest, her fingers gripping the fabric of his shirt. His heart beat steadily beneath her cheek. “But what if they tear us apart?” she whispered, her voice barely audible.

Charlie tilted her chin up so that their eyes met, his gaze fierce but full of tenderness. “They won’t. They can’t. What we have... it’s bigger than them. It’s bigger than all of this.” His voice dropped lower, a quiet, intimate tone meant only for her. “I’d walk through hell for you, Y/N. There’s nothing in this world that can keep me away from you.”

Y/N’s breath hitched as his words sank in. She’d always known Charlie was intense, rebellious, but this was something else. His love for her wasn’t just a passing emotion, it was something deep and immovable, like bedrock beneath the surface. “You’d really do that for me?” she asked, her voice trembling with the weight of everything between them.

“Y/N,” he murmured, pressing a kiss to her forehead, “I’d do anything for you.”

Her tears flowed freely now, but there was a strange sort of peace in them. For the first time that night, the panic subsided, replaced by something steadier. Charlie wasn’t going to let them be torn apart. Not by Welton, not by the expulsion that was looming over him like a storm cloud. He was hers, and nothing could change that.

After a moment of silence, Y/N spoke again, her fingers brushing the back of his hand, “That’s probably the most romantic thing anyone’s ever said to me.”

Charlie grinned, a flicker of his usual playful self shining through the serious mood. “Well, I aim to please.”

Y/N laughed, a sound that surprised even her. It was small, soft, but it was something. She leaned up and kissed him, her lips gentle against his, a silent thank-you for the comfort he was offering, for the promise he had made.

When she pulled back, her fingers stayed laced with his. “I love you,” she whispered, the words carrying the weight of all her fears and hopes in them.

Charlie’s eyes darkened with emotion, and he leaned his forehead against hers. “I love you too. And no matter what happens, that won’t change.”

[moonmeg]

Layout for next comic done, head empty only Breeil scenario once again - this time not in comic form!

TW// body insecurity (negativity), implied eating disorder

"Bree, what's the matter?"

"Look at me!", she freed herself from his arms, "Look at my chest, my arms, my legs, my stomach! How can ye think I'm pretty when I'm not as thin as I used to be?! How can ye love me when I look like this?!"

Neil stared at her. He didn't understand what she meant, where this was coming from. He never gave her reason to doubt his adoration for her - so he thought at least. Breena kept avoiding his eyes and quickly turned her back to him, hiding herself and her body from the man she loved. The thought that he will leave her now that her body is so different tortured her. She didn't want him to leave. Neil was the best thing to happen to her...

"Bree, you are beautiful to me. And I mean that wi' all my heart. A few additional pounds willna change that. Especially not because that's more than natural in yer circumstances."

"My circumstances?", she turned her head in his direction slightly.

"Aye, yer pregnancy. Ye're growing a person inside o' ya, love. Of course yer body is changing."

He slowly closed the gap between them and gently brushed a red curl out of her face. He examined her face and noticed her quivering lip and her still avoiding eyes becoming glassy. It's rare he saw his wife so upset and vulnerable. He knew a pregnancy had its impact on the becoming mother's emotionality but something told him there was more to Breena's feelings.

"I'm just wondering, where ye get the idea from that I only love ye when ye're thin? Did I make ye feel like that?", he traced his thumb down her cheek. His voice calm and soft.

"It's not you."

...

"Was it them?"

She closed her eyes and the longer she thought about "them" the more her brows furrowed above her red-brown lashes. "Them" referred to the people that Breena was raised by. She didn't think they were worth the title of "parents". Parents are loving, they're caring and they'd never cause their child to run away from home with 16 because it's become unbearable to live with them. To Breena those two people she had to live with were but merely her creators. That was also what she referred to them as whenever they still influenced her life... like now.

"Titan...", Neil sighed, knowing that he found the reason behind his wife's behavior. Breena's creators barely were a topic in their conversations or a part of their life but whenever they did come up, it was never in good context. "What did they tell you?"

She glanced at her husband. It wasn't long but Neil was happy she had met his eyes finally even if just for a second. It meant she was willing to open up about it to him and she was building up strength to reopen a part from that chapter of her life that she actually long had closed and desperately wanted to seal and lock away. It was hard for her. He knew that.

Caressing his palms over her arms until he reached her hands and curling his fingers around them, he let her take her time. His thumb carefully ran across her knuckles - back and forth. It was his way of reassuring her. He's here. He's listening. She has all his attention. She's not alone.

Breena squeezed his hand as she took a breath. She hated that she troubled him with her problems of the past. She learned to keep her frustration to herself and in fear of bothering people dear to her never let them out. Communication never worked in her home, why should it work outside of it? Of course, Breena never would've bothered her friends nor is she bothering Neil or her newly found family-in-law with her feelings. But unfortunately old habits break hard.

"Ever since I was a lass, no older than 6, I was told that my appearance is the most important thing I have to offer. If I'm not pretty and a certain weight, I dinna deserve affection or... love. Nobody wants me if I'm not thin. Nobody would think me worthy. If I'm not in the image of my creators, I'll be lonely til my last days. So I...", she paused, taking a shaky breath, "...I always tried to fit in that expectation. Whenever I didna fit it, I was called worthless, ugly and denied food. Whenever I did fit, I was praised... at least one thing I did right."

"Oh, mo gaol...", Neil whispered, "I'm so sorry."

He squeezes her trembling hand tightly. That was the reason behind her eating habits, he finally figured. She barely ate, only small portions if any at all, and his mother and himself were always trying to get her to eat more but without much success. With the pregnancy she had started eating more at last but she always felt bad afterwards and apologized for eating so much and would deny herself food "to make up for it". He had theorized there was a reason to it but he never wanted to push her to talk about it.

"They're so wrong.", he cupped her face and leaned his forehead on hers, "Ye're worthy of love no matter what yer body looks like and no matter what ye weigh. I love you regardless. I always will."

"Ye will?", she hicced.

"Aye. I asked ye to marry me because I dinna want to live a life wi'out ye. Bree, ye are so much more than yer looks. I'm sorry yer creators told you such terrible lies and treated ye so horribly. I only wish we had met sooner so that I could've proven them wrong and given you the love and affection that ye deserve earlier."

Breena sniffed as his thumbs caught her tears. She buried her face in his palm and gave her emotions uncontrolled freedom. Sobbing she threw herself onto her husband's chest, clenching his shirt. Instinctively, Neil wrapped his arms around her back, securing her in that position.

"Neil, I-"

"Shh. There's nothing more for you to say.", he turned his face to press a kiss to her temple. He held her for a while, let her cry, comforted her by brushing through her curls. "I can only imagine how difficult it must've been for ye and how difficult it still is but... if I may, and if ye want to, I will do everything in my power to help ye heal. I'm here."

She pulled away from his chest to look at him. Cracking a smile she was the one to cup his face now. "I am so lucky and thankful to have ye."

"Aye.", he smiled back adoringly, "And I'm afraid ye're stuck wi' me 'until death do us part'."

Breena chuckled at him quoting their vows. She brushed a brown lock behind his ear before she met his golden eyes once again, gazing at her as if she was a deity and the only thing he cared about. She never knew what love really felt like but when Neil was with her, looking at her, wrapping her tightly in his arms, kissing her and smiling at her, she was sure to have found it. And she was willing to allow him to help her actually heal and actually, at last, close the chapter of her past.

"I can live wi' that."

[onyxmilk]

Young Neil X Quiet!Reader where they have their first kiss and see a bunch of sparks? :33

notes; go time! making this into a drabble bc i've been doing headcanons recently whomp whomp. tw; Reader uses They/Them pronouns!, unedited wc; 0.1k

No one really knows nor understands how someone so quite like [YourName] is with someone nerdy like Young Neil. Let alone, how the two of them have not kissed yet, but everyone digresses. Young Neil decided to invite his partner over while the others practiced, so [YourName] decided to make some pizza for everyone. Young Neil played his Gameboy while [YourName] did their thing, but eventually Neil had found what his partner was doing interesting. Eventually, the two were sitting there, the band playing in the background, [YourName] and Young Neil leaned in slowly and the kiss had begun. Shyly, [YourName] wraps their arms around Neil's neck and Neil deepens the kiss. Sparks flew and the two separated in shock, "Sparks..?" Young Neil asks, "Sparks.." [YourName] replies with a soft smile.

[darlingsfandom]

Dressed Up .

anon: can we get the nsfw from a story you wrote last year. the one with y/n and neil lewis at the sex shop?

Part one!

TW: semi-public sex, oral, face fucking, cum eating, swearing!

Not proofread !

The two of you walked as fast as you could back down the street to GumShoe with sly smiles on your faces. Neil was in over his head because one of his fantasies was coming true right before his eyes.

For Neil’s sake he made sure to lock up the shop and switch the sign to closed so that no one could interrupt his fantasy. He watched as you disappeared behind the curtain to change into the prisoner costume he picked out. Neil dimmed the lights and sat down on the couch while you got ready. He can’t even wrap his mind around the fact that this was happening.

“Neil!” You yelled softly to get his attention.

Neil whipped his head around to see you standing there in the costume he picked out and just as his heart swelled so did his cock. He ran his hand over his crotch before standing up to look at you.

“Looks like someone’s been a bad girl…” he inched towards you until he was toe to toe with you. Your breath hitched in your throat.

“So? Bad girls have more fun and from the looks of it…” you pulled on the sleeve of his grey and white prison costume. “Someone’s been a bad bad boy.” You bit down on your bottom lip before pushing him backwards until his back hit the wall. Neil wrapped his hand around your wrist before placing it on his crotch. A small grin appeared on both of your lips before you dropped down onto your knees, palmed him softly and batted your eyelashes at him.

“Show me your tits !” Neil yanked down on the front zipper of the orange suit before tilting your head with his finger. A playful gasp left your lips as he grabbed your tits. You loved how Neil massaged your tits , always a firm grip but gentle when actually rubbing them together. Neil pulled on your nipples making you furrow your eyebrows as a moan came out. “Fuck, for being such a bad girl, you’re being such a good girl for me!” Neil squeezed your cheeks together forcing your mouth open so he could spit down your throat. He held your jaw tightly as he watched the spit dangle from his mouth onto your tongue and how you smiled as it trickled down your throat. He did it again and again before giving you slap across the cheek.

Suddenly you found yourself reaching for his cock. Neil gripped your wrist and shook his head.

“Greedy girl, use your manners.”

“Fuck my face, please!” The doe eyes came out as you sat up straight, pushed your tits up and licked your lips. Neil folded faster than he could blink. His hands were quickly unzipping his costume and pulling out his hard cock. The head was leaking , red and aching before he gripped the shaft and lined the head up to your lips. He pushed the head of his cock into your mouth with ease. You smiled the best you could before taking his cock down your throat. Neil wasn’t wrong about what he said in the store, you were great at being messy when it came to blowjobs.

“That’s a good girl, already taking my whole cock down her throat.” Neil pushed down on the back of your head making you gag on his cock. Tears trickled down your cheeks as his cock swelled in your mouth. One hand rested on his thigh while the other reached under and rubbed his balls with ease. “Fuck! You’re a tease.” Neil hissed as you rubbed his balls. He pulled his cock out of your mouth slowly causing you to cough a little when you caught your breath but that only lasted a second before he shoved it back down your throat. This time he fisted your hair into a tight grip before actually thrusting his cock in your mouth. Neil was in heaven watching you drool over his cock. The way your eyes went soft, how your hands held his thighs for balance, the way you gagged only slightly since he’s got you so well trained, how the drool was dripping onto your tits, you’re his dirty little angel.

Neil fucked your face hard. No mercy this time , after all you’re a bad girl who needed a punishment. He reached down, smirked and pinched the tip of your nose making your eyes widen in fear. You swatted your hands as he shook his head.

“No no , bad girls need to be punished.”

You whined around his cock making Neil moan out your name. He pulled you off his cock making you whine loudly before sticking out your tongue to beg for more. Neil grabbed your arm, pulled you up on your shaky feet, bent you over the arm of the couch and bunched up the bottom of your costume but letting out a groan.

“No fucking panties on ?”

“Bad girls don’t wear panties.” You looked over your shoulder to blow him a kiss before he pushed your face into the fabric of the couch.

“Just showing off that tight little cunt hmm? Such easy access for anyone to come up behind you and do this…” His face was quickly between your legs before licked a long slow lick up your cunt from behind as he held your head down. Your thighs clenched as best as they could as he ate you out from behind. Neil licked at your folds while you whimpered above him.

“Fuck, that feels so good! Yes please! Eat my cunt.” You rocked your hips against his mouth but Neil quickly ended that when he spanked you hard making sure to leave a hand print.

The sounds of Neil slurping your cunt filled the room along with your whimpering moans. It was music to Neil’s muffled ears since your thighs were wrapped around him. His nose rubbed your clit as his fingers kneaded your plushy thighs while he lapped your juices up. Your scent intoxicated Neil making him devour your cunt. Your thighs were shaking as you felt your climax building quickly.

“Neil! Neil fuck , I’m gonna cum!” You tried to pull away but Neil pulled you back down and continued eating you out as you gripped the couch. “Baby! I’m not kidding! Fuck!” You wiggled your hips against his face and Neil moaned into your core. “Oh FUCK! Neil! Neil NEIL!” You cried out as your orgasm washed over him. Your legs went weak , jaw dropped and juiced gushing down Neil’s chin as you came hard enough to squeeze your eyes shut.

“Mmhmm!” Neil cried into your pussy as he licked up every last drop but that wasn’t enough for Neil. He got up, pumped his cock a few times and slid it all the way in with ease since you just creamed all over his mouth.

“Neil!!” Your whine was broken as he shoved his fat cock deep inside. He waited about ten seconds to let you adjust before he held your hips and fucked your cunt with no mercy. He threw his head back in ecstasy feeling how warm and wet you were around him. The sweet sounds of your pussy squelching mixed with your tiny whimpers filled his ears making Neil pound into you harder. Your body felt hot as you gripped the couch the best you could but your palms were sweaty.

Neil bent over on top of you so his chest was pushed up against your back. His hot breath was directly in your ear as he whispered how hot you are, how good your pussy feels and how tight you are.

“Shit! Your fucking cunt is squeezing my cock so good baby. Can’t wait to fill you up!” Neil was so busy fucking you that he didn’t even realize that you were digging your nails into the couch. His orgasm was coming quick.

“Gonna fill you up so much it’s dripping out of your pretty cunt!” Neil’s eyes rolled back into his head as he hit his orgasm. His hands gripped your waist tightly as he groaned loudly filling your pussy up with cum. Neil waited before he pulled out and just when you thought you could breathe, you were mistaken.

Neil quickly squatted down, grabbed your and angled himself so he could eat his cum out of your cunt.

“Neil!” You whined while shaking your hips as he licked up as much of his cum as he could before he pulled away, flipped you over, gripped your mouth and forced open your mouth before spitting his cum into your mouth. Your eyes went wide as you swallowed what you had spit into your mouth. He watched as you gulped, licked your lips and smirked as you laid melted across the arm of the couch. “You’re fucking disgusting.” You panted as he laid on you.

“But you love it , my bad girl.” Neil picked you up and kissed you passionately before he took you back into the office to help clean you up.

[femmethpipe]

Red Water | Harringrove

Prologue: I Gotta Know What’s Inside You

Summary: Billy’s avoided Steve Harrington like the plague since that autumn night of ‘84. He’s given the fucking weirdo and the even weirder fucking kids their space just as Max demanded, and it’s worked for nearly a year.

He’s only got until his graduation until he can fly straight out of Hawkins without so much as looking back, but after leaving his beloved Camaro wrapped around a tree and his father’s hand on his shoulder heavier than ever, Steve Harrington, an alpha he knew he could never have, won’t fix that.

But things are never that simple.

TW: everything

Steve’s been driving with a grip so tight, his knuckles were bone white.

Billy steals a glance over at him at every possible moment. At the taut string that’s pulled the alpha’s shoulders into a defensive line, at the blank ominous stare he’s been giving the road for the past ten minutes as they drive further and further out of town.

It was one of those days where Neil wanted him out of the house. A dreary Sunday afternoon had somehow kept both Susan and Max from venturing out altogether which meant that Billy’s presence had to go, preferably without even stepping into Neil’s line of vision which left him to fend for himself while the temperatures dropped. Something about the cold and unforgiving dying that happens in Midwestern winters has never sat right with Billy, but he’s always been fascinated by it; the way everything dies in an explosion of color then rots on the ground. Overhead, the clouds are an ominous gray and the thunder rolls like a strike every so often.

Steve takes a backroad, one that’s twisting a bit too much for the fragile and flighty feeling in Billy’s head and bones. An Oingo Boingo tape blares way too loud and every nerve inside of the omega’s body is jumping, but he keeps it that way. He should turn the music down and ask Steve where he’s taking them, but he bites his tongue.

They were supposed to meet for their usual routine of the alpha feeding Billy and pretending not to notice any bruises the omega probably acquired over the week, after they’d park and smoke and talk. It was the one lifeline the blond had, his reprieve through a piss poor week and his one chance to relax—or relax as much as Billy could two feet away from Steve Harrington.

The dangerous truth was the omega felt like he could finally let go around him. His warm scent and big soft eyes that held no hint of judgement or betrayal. But today is different and Steve has barely said a word to him. Billy climbed into the car to the familiar and potent scent of aggression, but none obviously directed at him. Just looked him all over for way too many seconds too long, long enough to make Billy hesitate shutting the door. That seemed to bring Steve out of whatever trance he’d been in to ask the omega in a hoarse voice if he was okay. Which he was answered with a smart quip about if Billy looked alright.

Truthfully, the omega knew he looked like hell reheated and it kept his knees drawn so far to the right, his temple throbs from knocking against the window. His back burns with embarrassment that he’s wearing worn jeans with scant holes from his thighs rubbing together and the sweater Steve obviously gave him two weeks ago while the logos on the other boy’s clothes that he rightfully owned were about two tax brackets higher than Billy would ever see in his lifetime. His curls are messily pushed behind his ears and in desperate need of a brush though he should know by now Steve doesn’t give a fuck about that shit, that it wasn’t about that. But the deep need to attempt to look presentable, maybe even attractive didn’t forfeit the omega’s mind.

Fucking pathetic.

Billy knew it was. Finnicking over his looks just like he did that night he took out all his issues and problems on Steve, only now he’s shivering in the alpha’s passenger seat like a cat he found on the side of the road, and trying not to feel the butterflies in his stomach when he catches the brunet looking over at him.

The car is suddenly very still and the omega rips his eyes from the veins on Steve’s hand. They were outside of town, Billy knew that much from how long they’d been driving, but another factor about the shitty Midwest was that it all looked the fucking same. Flattened garbage litters the concrete ground and etiolated weeds jut from the cracks. A few faded yellow parking lines stood out just barely below the wet leaves and the trash that Billy could identify as pieces of red solo cups, Fireball shot bottles, and numerous beer cans. Nothing but towering, dying trees ahead of the dim lights of Steve’s Beamer with the clouds above darkening by the second.

The engine’s steady rumble dies as the alpha twists back the ignition. It kills the radio and plunges them into an uncomfortable silence that fills Billy with a cold dread that could no longer be kept at bay by the blasting heat.

The omega watches the bob of Steve’s adams apple where he swallows thickly. “We need to talk about what the fuck happened, Billy. I can’t keep doing this, I can’t keep—“

Billy’s heart drops to his ass.

The alpha lets out a frustrated growl, one that takes him aback at first, but Billy will be damned before he allows an alpha to know he was intimidated.

“Keep fucking what, Harrington? What the fuck do we need to discuss that requires you to drag me out to the goddamn sticks?” The blond’s teeth bare and he wants Steve to snap his own back; juvenile, volatile, wishing for punishment because anything was better than beat around the bush, prayer circle sympathy.

Steve’s wide eyes stare at him from across the car like Billy was a sheet of glass. Right fucking through him since day fucking one.

Emotions stir under Billy’s skin and much to his dismay, there wasn’t much anger left for him to muster and use to fight his way out of this. It would have been easier that way. Scream in Steve’s face that he’ll kill him if he ever tells anyone Billy Hargrove gets fucked by his own dad after getting the shit stomped out of him. Then maybe slam his car door hard enough to shatter the window as if it would make him feel better.

But he knew it wouldn’t. Billy’s learned that plenty.

The man across from him takes in a deep breath like he’s steadying himself and Billy supposes he is. He wonders what that’s like, thinking before action, being smart enough to not fly off the fucking hinges at the change of an emotion and controlling himself.

I can’t keep doing this. The raw blister of betrayal pangs in his throat. His chest feels concave, unsurprised yet he’s never been accepting of being left behind before. This time wouldn’t be any different despite every emotion in his body swaying Billy like a storm every time he saw the Beamer parked somewhere waiting for him.

The omega had been telling himself to await the day that Steve’s eyes would linger too long somewhere they shouldn’t, that maybe he’d even be sympathetic enough to kiss him on the mouth once or twice, but inevitably he would only be welcome to the backseat in due time. One day, he’d told himself countless times over the past few months, but not today. It was the one thing Billy thought he had a penchant for, knowing when his time was up and his welcome was nearly overstayed. Car rides spent with only music and cigarette smoke between them on long roads and shared milkshakes and hot meals and warm blankets—He’d been almost fooled.

But he would have let him, something like Neil laughed at him every night he’d have the audacity to dream of something more between them. Billy would have let Steve do whatever he pleased if it meant closeness and the absence of the looming dread of loneliness. And let the humiliation afterwards burn as painful as the hurt from the alpha’s perfidy.

Billy’s grin splits in a sardonic smile that mirrors every ounce of his winded and broken pride that could no longer mask his hurt. He huffs in fake amusement and his words fall like feathers in a dead wind rather than cutting like the knives they used to be, “I never fucking asked you for anything, not a goddamn thing.”

A heavy sigh plummets from the brunet and behind his eyes, the omega can tell he’s thinking over everything with the same stubborn resolve he’s always had. It makes Billy dig his nails into his palms.

Placid eyes stare dead ahead into the dying foliage and settling clouds. He shakes his head in denial, “That is not what this is about,” Steve’s eyes dart to his seat then back at Billy with a puppy dog exhaustion that made the omega only more irritated, “Why is it always that with you? Why can’t I just be fucking nice to you without you thinking I’ve got one out for you, or some shit?”

Because that’s how these things work, Billy knew simply.

There wasn’t a way on earth Steve was that clueless as to what they looked like around each other. What people had been saying. What the entire world thought of omegas like Billy Hargrove and what they hung around for.

The omega draws a sharp breath, one that hurts his ribs and burns on the way out, “Jesus fucking Christ,” Billy bites out in a breathy, frustrated mumble before he finds that last string of red, that one remaining vein of gasoline to blow as he lights the match, but even then— “If your charity case work and taking care of unfortunate poor kids isn’t getting your rocks off anymore, maybe you should just take me the fuck home.”

“You don’t get it, Billy, I can’t go back to just fucking watching, I won’t.”

“Watching what?” The blond challenges, fucking spit it out.

“Why won’t you just let me take care of you?”

“What’re you trying to say, Steve?” He whispers the man’s name into the cold air between them.

A year ago, he would have been whatever cheap insult came from Billy’s rolodex first, months ago he would have just been Harrington. And it makes him want to blow his brains out that even just saying some alpha’s name meant so much to him; even worse when he knows that Steve knows that.

God, he always fucking knows.

Pretty boy sticks his nose in business that doesn’t have anything to do with him. Always ready to be someone’s knight in shining armor and even worse, Billy wants exactly that. Without deserving it. Aware there’s some shit even Steve’s heart of gold can’t fix.

He looks ready to say something, but the omega stops him dead in his tracks.

“I won’t suck you off or let you fuck me,” Billy spews like a busted beer can and God, if that’s not a lie. “If that’s— I know you don’t just give a shit. And I know that you know I don’t have anything else to give you. We’re not here for no fucking reason, so you can just say it and we can be on our merry fucking way.”

Because that’s the thing. Wild parties, tight jeans and tight shirts, fast car—Billy’s fucking poor. He’s loose, if anyone off the basketball team and cheer squad have anything to say about it. Steve should be running for the hills before he ends up making a decision he can’t take back.

“It’s not you saying this shit, Billy. I know it’s not.” The alpha’s face is painted in an emotion he doesn’t recognize, but then he’s turning in his seat to get even closer.

“Look at me.” Steve commands and Billy should tell him to fuck off, that he doesn’t take orders from a fucking baby alpha, but he tries.

Looks right at his soft brown hair that reminds Billy of the big redwoods in California when the light hits it just right. Broad shoulders covered in denim and wide, warm palms that didn’t feel like shackles when he’d grab Billy’s wrists. Steve’s scent was so potent in his car; burning wood and spice and smoke that fogged up his brain until he was so confused he thought he was safe.

Steve grabs his hand, so gentle yet his hold firm, and the sudden intensity of the alpha’s eyes meeting his own is too much. His hand is warm, but then again everything about him is.

“If I made you feel that way, that’s sure as hell not why I care about you. I mean, fuck Billy—I don’t just give people my clothes, alright?” Steve’s voice is filled with a desperate exasperation. “I don’t just stay up until the middle of the night driving people around while they try to fall asleep in my backseat, okay?”

A heavy sigh empties from the other man’s chest while lungfuls of the alpha’s scent burn Billy’s like whiskey. He looks just as tired as the omega feels for a second, but then he’s holding him tighter. “I thought my intentions were obvious for a while now.”

Steve lets the words hang in the air and he doesn’t let Billy go. It’s not like he wanted him to.

But he still has to try to pull away and aim his eyes out at the dying wild around them, only the alpha won’t let him go. It makes his heart sing. “Who told you that shit, Billy? Him?”

More and more, the dam of tears building in his eyes readies to spill over. They burn and bite at everything Billy thought he knew about himself. He prepares for the world to end, to stop turning and burn up in fire and ash, but only the patter of rain begins its descent from the clouds against the windshield. His throat is filling with cotton balls, but he’s not going to be hit; nothing is hurting at all. He nods his head and suddenly, the gate busts and the flood comes. But Steve is there.

His touch, his scent and all. Driving Billy crazy because he’s being pulled out of his usual reality of just surviving. Steve is here, making sure he’s safe when no other person has ever done that for him. He’s angry, but not angry at him, for him. And Billy can’t fucking breathe.

“That day, when I knocked on your door—“ Steve wets his lips and the trepidation in his words is almost too much for the omega to take.

“He said that.”

The man across from him appears to chew his words. “Does he hurt you? Does he do that shit to you, Billy?”

There was so much he knew the alpha wanted to say when Steve had unfortunately shadowed the Hargrove residence. Trouble was, Billy was getting closer and closer to baring his heart and fucking soul to him. The shaky lies he’d feed Steve kept burning his tongue every time he’d have to force them out. The anger which bled into exhaustion finally catching up to him like an adrenaline rush wearing off.

Because Billy was tired of the lying. Of trying and failing to keep the voice that Neil drilled in his head from getting too loud; of black and blue skin and blood stained sheets; not really living when being around Steve chases those feelings away and shows him it doesn’t have to be that way. Because Steve is so good and safe. And Billy is a greedy fucking leech for wanting to hand all his life away for someone else to fix.

He shakily nods his head out of distrust of his voice. Something sits at the edge of Billy’s tongue so heavily, he wants to fucking bite it. Shit he’s never said before, never wanted to say out loud or even think of again that he feels he needs to tell Steve. How he’s been running from everything, he wants to stop but he doesn’t think he can stop and how he’ll only bring him down with him in the end.

“He’s been angry for so long.” Billy’s voice is wet. He prefers for all of his words to come out swinging and ready for a fight, but that’s disappeared from him now. He’s too tired. “Even before my mom left.”

“Steve—“ If Billy wasn’t in love before, he was now at the way the alpha hangs onto the omega calling his name.

“I’m so tired of feeling dirty all the time.” The omega admits and suddenly there’s weight just gone. The words of weakness taste acrid like a pill he couldn’t swallow, but it’s gone. “It’s like I can’t get him off of me no matter what.”

Billy takes a breath that feels too big for his chest, but then he takes another at the force of the gasp erupting from his throat when Steve’s safe, steady palms take hold of his face. His eyes are so big, sometimes the omega thinks he might just constantly be in awe. But Steve is looking at him like that even with Billy’s armor stripped and burned away. Fuck, he can’t stop crying.

But there’s something more behind the whirls of dark amber. A shudder pulls through every nerve in the omega’s body. It’s like a match striking how goosebumps erupt on his skin, but this time not from the cold. From the heat in Steve’s gaze that’s pouring into his scent. It’s anger and fury and rage that Billy is all too familiar with.

Not a word is uttered between them. His nostrils were flared and a slight tremble in his shoulders, but he’s holding the omega so gently. Like he’s worth something. But he’s so angry and the omega should be thinking about running. Billy’s heard Steve get pissed off before, both times directed at him before they exchanged blows; then just a scratchy drawl expected of a teenage alpha and the omega practically laughed in his face. Now, the placid look in his eye is the blinding lightning flash before the blood curdling thunder of his growl. Steve sounds like nothing other than a predator closing in on its prey. His scent fogs the car with something Billy can only think of as wrath. Ice runs through the omega’s veins and every bone in his body drops in submission.

Cinnamon. Diesel. Not at him. For him.

A primal noise falls from the omega in a soft whine and for a moment, Billy can see the battle of animal and man quells within Steve. It’s a sound he’s never made before, but it comes so naturally. Since when does Billy Hargrove fucking whine? Since Steve Harrington, apparently.

His touch is hesitant, but he feels so sure. He’s everywhere, blanketing over the omega in a weight that makes him boneless. Steve’s fingers ghost over his cheekbone before his thumb rests over his cupid’s bow. A fine delicateness to Steve’s touches leaves a trail of fluttering goosebumps on his arms and up his spine. Being admired like fine art, something meant to be protected and cherished, it sends a tremble down his body in a wave of emotion. Billy presses into the touch and allows it to spread like a flame.

Steve presses his lips against his thumbnail and Billy fucking shakes. It’s a promise, one that could only end in fucking disaster and pain and loneliness will take the omega again. But it’s getting harder for him to believe that when the alpha is looking at him this way, even when he doesn’t have his usual glamor that serves him well as his armor.

“I’m going to fucking kill him,” The alpha’s hushed tone is intimate, pleading almost as if he were asking for an apology, “I should’ve done it when I saw that fuckin’ bruise on your neck. I can’t let him get away with doing this shit to you.”

Billy can see the anger begin to simmer under his skin once more, so he makes that noise again. It’s soft and high pitched and so unlike everything he’s tried to craft about himself, yet still comes to him like he’s done it for Steve before.

The alpha huffs through his nose again in frustration, this time at himself.

“Maybe there is some fire in you after all.” Billy’s breathy voice is embarrassing, or it should be, but he doesn’t care. Barely crosses his flighty mind.

The fire in the alpha’s eyes dims for a moment and left is a puppy dog where the wolf once was. The omega cooes at how adorable it is.

Steve snaps his canines just an inch away from his face. It’s playful, it’s sending too much fucking dope to his brain that Billy doesn’t know if he can handle. He lets his head dip to the side and the incessant yet delicate press of the alpha’s fangs on his flesh has his head filling with sap. He’s so far fucking gone for this alpha and they haven’t so much as necked yet. A shudder erupts down his back and his cold toes curl in his converse.

“‘Hair is so pretty.” Steve murmurs. Like himself again as he sinks his fingers into the blond curls and holds Billy’s nape.

He’s floating.

-

tbc

[plistommy]

I’m a sucker for Regency romance fiction. Steve Harrington, only son of Duke Of Hawkins, falls in love with lowly stablehand Billy Hargrove, and they must keep it secret, ESPECIALLY from Steve’s arranged fiancée Lady Nancina Byers. But what happens when Billy’s drunken lout father Neil figures them out? What if he demands his whore son bilk the young Lord of all he’s worth if they don’t want to be found out by Steve’s father, or worse… the Ton…

TW abuse!!!

The sun was shining for the first time after weeks of cruel rain. The warm wind was soft on Steve’s face as he walked through the courtyard to the familiar stable.

It was a beautiful day for a ride.

”Good day is it, Lord Steven?

”Good day indeed.” Steve smiled at the stablehand as he opened the heavy door.

Billy.

The man had been working for his family for years now. Steve had come to know the man, too pretty for his own good with those beautiful blue eyes and strong body.

He was really the only friend Steve had. Or a secret one, at least. Steve really didn’t have anyone else to talk to than his family and his soon to be wife, Lady Nancina by arranged marriage.

Nancina was a kind woman. He liked her. He even thought they could be great friends. But he didn’t want to marry her.

His heart belonged to someone else.

But… his father demanded it, like he always did with everything. He was the Duke. And you never disobey the Duke Of Hawkins.

Especially if you’re his only son.

”I’ve got your mare ready for you.” Billy said, that deep voice making Steve warm in all of the good ways.

”Thank you.” Steve said softly, loving how the younger man's lips turned into a smile. A real one.

Steve brushed past the other, bending down to pick up his helmet, shining like it always did when Billy had cleaned it for him after every ride.

He heard a groan coming from behind him and he turned around quickly, concerned if the blond man had hurt himself, but all he found was those piercing blue eyes staring right at his ass.

”Those… are a sin.” Billy murmured, gripping the shovel in his strong arms tightly.

Steve blushed red, but smirked and gave a small wiggle to the other man before he finally stood up.

”Just for you.” He said with his charm and Steve loved the reaction it always got from Billy.

Okay, so they weren’t just… familiar with each other. Or just friends. They were more than that, had been for almost years now behind the closed doors.

Billy huffed a little before dropping his shovel next to the wall. ”Only you today?”

Your family isn’t around? Your fiance? Is what it meant.

Steve smirked and took a step forward.

”Yes. Father and…. others are gone today. Only me present.”

Steve wouldn’t be at the stables like this with his wedding coming up in six days. There were rare times when he could, but never this close to an ’important day’.

And Billy knew that.

He didn’t even blink before the other man was on him, arms wrapping around Steve’s waist as he picked up the Lord on top of one the tables. Steve happily spread his legs to get the other closer to him.

”You’re a sinful man, my Lord.” Billy moaned and it made Steve laugh.

”My Lord? Please, call me Steve… you know that, Billy.”

Billy groaned into the kiss and squeezed Steve’s ass that still had those unbelievably tight jodhpurs on.

”My Darling…” And oh did that name make Steve whine as Billy purred it into his ear.

He felt rough hands, working hands slip inside his trousers and soon a thick finger was teasing his hole as the man between his legs moved closer.

”Wanna make love to you, Sweetheart. Please?”

Steve’s head hit the wall.

”Please…” was all he could get out before Billy was removing their clothes.

If only they would’ve known they weren’t alone.

—

Billy was walking back to his home, a small and cramped wooden house close to his Duke’s residence.

He didn’t get a room like their servants did, but he didn’t mind that, he liked his own space and it wasn’t a bother to anyone. He was always early at work, always respectful and always quiet. That's how the Duke liked him to be.

When he got close enough, he could see a figure standing on his small porch and not just any fucking figure.

His bastard father.

”Took you long enough.” A grumpy voice said.

”Wasn’t expecting you, Sir.”

The old man took a long drag of his cigar, keeping his harsh eyes on Billy as he came to stand before him.

Billy was waiting for the man’s usual cruel words. How he was such a disappointment as his only child, a son and how he wished he would’ve left him to die when his mother had left them for a man over the seas. How easy it would’ve been to take him into the woods for wolves to share.

He didn’t let those words get under his skin. Not anymore.

”So tell me, son.” Neil took a step forward, towering over Billy’s frame as he blew smoke into his face, but he didn’t react. That’s what Neil wanted.

Instead, he stood on his ground. He knew how this goes, every single time.

”How long have you been fucking the Duke’s son?”

Billy’s eyes widened. And Neil smirked.

”What do you mean, Sir—”

”Do not lie to me, son!” A slap ”I saw what you dirty fucks were doing at the stables. Don’t think I haven’t noticed it before. How that ’Lord’ looks at you everytime you walk by and how you…” Neil grabbed his collar.

”How you beg to fuck him. Like a whore.”

Billy was fuming. He felt his whole body shake as his father looked down at him, still feeling the sting on his right cheek. He wanted to punch him, hell, murder him, but Billy knew he couldn’t. Was too afraid to and all he could do was to fucking take it and look straight into the other’s eyes so he wasn’t disrespectful.

”Now…” Neil said, breath smelling like alcohol ”You have to do something for me, son. For me to forgive you.”

Billy gritted his teeth.

”You don’t want the Duke to know, isn’t that right? Or the young Lord's precious little Lady Nancina? Don’t want to lose that precious job I got for you or your… ’Darling’.” he mimicked Billy’s words at him, but with disgust.

Billy wanted to kill this man. Fucking burn him alive.

But, he nodded ”Yes, Sir.”

”Good.” Neil said and finally let go of him.

”For this to go away, you’re going to leave him dry. Take everything. It’s going to be easy, you already have the whore in love with you, so nothing but sweet little lies and your cock can do the job.” Neil grinned ”Isn’t that right?”

He knew his father was a cruel and a disgusting man, but he didn’t think his father would go this low. Especially for his own fucking blood. He always had hope, but he should’ve buried it a long time ago, because the man would never change and didn’t want to.

Billy was used to getting punished. He was used to the words thrown at him. He was used to getting hurt.

But he wasn’t going to hurt Steve.

Not the man he loves.

The man who makes him the happiest he’s ever been just with his presence. The man who holds him close as they kiss. Who praises Billy for just being him even if he was just a stablehand for the other man.

He would rather die than to do this.

”Son.” He heard. It was a warning.

When he felt a hand on his throat and his back hitting the wall behind him, he yelled out ”Yes, Sir!”

His father held the hand for a while, making Billy struggle until he dropped it and gave him a small pat on the shoulder like he wasn’t just trying to kill Billy.

”Good. I’m expecting you in six days. Do not disappoint me.” And then he was gone.

Six days.

Oh fuck.

The wedding.

Billy’s breath got caught in his throat and he wanted to cry as he slumped down to his porch.

How could he hurt his beautiful Steve?

[cavinginhisfvce]

'William Orchard Hopper"

Pairing: Harringrove.

Tw: child abuse, mentions of infidelity.

This started out as a headcanon of Jim being Billy biological dad and quickly spiraled into this??? Sorry. <3

Not many people know that Jim Hopper spent a considerable amount of time in California in his twenties.

Jim and Billy's mom, Bria Hargrove met and had an affair that led to Billy being born.

Neil knows Billy isn't his son, and becomes abusive towards Bria and Billy until she can no longer take it. 

When Billy is ten, she leaves and hides a note in Billy's room for him to find. 

The note tells him that Neil isn't his real father, it tells him his real father lives in Indiana. Hawkins, specifically but that he had once lived in California. She tells him that the man is named Jim Hopper. She doesn't give him any other details. Not that it truly matters, Neil is whose on his birth certificate. Neil is who is raising Billy into the man he's destined to be.

Confused, Billy tucks the note away. He can almost forget about it, but the knowledge that Neil isn't his dad stays with him. Even when Neil married Susan, and he gained a step-sister in her daughter, Max. 

It doesn't become a problem for Billy until Neil announces that their new, fragile thing of a family is moving to Hawkins, Indiana. 

He doesn't know if Neil knows he'll be dropping them in the town of the very man his mother cheated on him with.

A week after the move, Billy makes the mistake of getting high after Neil's latest lesson in Respect and Responsibility that ended with Billy nursing bruised ribs and what's definitely a mild concussion. 

The mistake isn't smoking weed, per say. No, Billy's mistake was forgetting just how loose lipped he gets when high. Because, now he's shown Max the letter his mom left all those years ago, he tells her that Neil isn't his biological father.

Max doesn't say anything, she just stands up and hugs her step-brother. 

The blond tenses briefly, before he's sinking into the hug; his own arms winding around her small frame. 

She's gotten taller, so with Billy sitting, his head is pressed into her stomach.

She doesn't comment on the warmth of his tears, she just hugs him tighter.

What does someone say to their step-brother who's father beats him on a regular basis? What do you say when that same boy knows the man who lords his parental status over him, isn't actually his dad? 

Max decides you say nothing. Billy doesn't seem put off by the lack of response. 

It isn't until after Halloween, after Max has plunged a syringe into Billy's neck to sedate him when a panic attack had led to a violent fit, that they're both forced to confront the very thing Billy has tried so hard to forget.

It wasn't the first time Billy lashed out like this, but it was one of the worst times. Her new friends had gotten permission from Neil and her mother to come over, but something set Billy off when she introduced him to Jane.

To his credit, Billy had fled the house when he noticed his breathing picking up. It hadn't helped much, because Max followed behind him, leading her friends to do the same.

When Jane met his gaze, her eyes were soft but unreadable, like she knew she held the last name of the man his mother confessed was actually his father.

It could've been a coincidence, but his mom had also told him the mystery man was training to become a police officer. 

That was too many coincidences, if you asked Billy.

He doesn't remember much after that, not that ever does. 

He knows her friends had been afraid, but for some weird fucking reason they tried to comfort him.

The curly-haired one even called Steve Harrington, declaring that the elder was good in situations like this. 

Billy seriously doubted that, but he'd never pass up a chance to see Steve. Their relationship was still new. New as in they'd only been official for the past week.

Once Steve had arrived, the kids all seemed to lose interest in everything, and retreated into the living room to play video games. Max took some convincing, but eventually, they were able to pry her away from the place she'd refused to leave at Billy's side.

The couple quickly toed off to Billy's room, and Steve wasted no time in pulling Billy into his arms.

Billy felt bone-tired, the sedative given to him never knocks him out, it mostly tires him out. Makes the world fuzzy, and like it's covered in a foggy film.

But, this felt different. This felt like a tiredness that wouldn't be quelled by resting for the remainder of the day. 

The younger boy hadn't told Steve about Jim, so when he asked what triggered this episode, Billy quickly spilled. He spoke until his throat felt raw, and his hands were shaking. 

He spoke until the room felt as if all the air was quickly evaporating. 

Steve waited until Billy's word vomit came to an end, before gently responding, "It's okay, B. If Hop is your dad, he's a good man. A little grumpy, but he's not like…" he trails off, but Billy can fill in the blanks just fine.

"H-how am I even supposed to broach this subject with him, Steve? What if...what if he doesn't want me just like her, and I'm stuck with Neil until I'm 18, or dead?" 

The brunet quickly reaches out to cup Billy's cheek, his thumb grazing the smooth skin. "That won't happen. Even if it did, you've got me. You're never gonna be stuck with him forever so long as I'm alive and breathing, baby."

There's more the boy wants to say, but he just feels so tired. The sounds of the kids all yelling in the other room serve as nothing more than background noise.

It's about an hour later, and Billy's only been fighting his sleep because Steve is showing him various tiktoks and clips of random gamers he enjoys.

Soon though, he's starting to doze on Steve's shoulder, when there's a knock at his door, then a head of brown curls are peaking into his room.

Jane.

His breath hitches, but Steve's hand finds his back and begins to soothingly rub his stress away. 

Metaphorically, of course. Because in reality, Billy is still freaking out.

"Jim is here to pick me up, but he wanted to meet you."

This causes him to bristle, "Me? Why?"

Jane merely shrugs, before turning away. 

Billy has an inkling she does know, but he swallows it down and climbs off his bed to make the short trek to the living room.

When he lays eyes on Hopper, the man is dressed in his uniform, a small grimace on his lips as he observes the sparsely decorated room.

His eyes eventually land on Billy and he offers something that could be considered a smile.

"So you're the owner of that Camaro out front, or is that your dad's?"

Billy wants to laugh out loud at the question, but instead he shakes his head. "No, sir. She's all mine, fixed her from the ground up myself." 

It was true, Billy spent months fixing her up, she'd been all but totaled when he found her body at the junkyard in California. 

He immediately fell in love with the car, despite the appearance and the rest was history.

The chief let out a long whistle, along with an approving nod.

"Damn kid. You lookin' for work? I know the mechanic in town could use someone like you on weekends."

Billy only nods, unsure of what to say. 

"Yeah, yeah that'd be great, actually! Thanks."

Jim nods, his eyes never leaving their place of observing the blond. 

"I'll set it up, just come by my office on Monday and we'll work out all the kinks."

Soon after, Jim leaves with Jane, who promises Max that they'll hang out soon.

Much to Billy's chargin, Steve leaves with the rest of the kids, sans Max, around forty-five minutes later.

Neil and Susan return after Billy has finished cleaning up the dishes from his and Max's dinner. 

His dad seems pissed by something, something Billy can't figure out.

Not that it matters. All that matters is that his bad mood means a repeat of last night. 

As it plays out, Billy doesn't have to wait until Monday, because the man in question all but busts the Hargrove's front door down, catching Neil in the act of wailing on the defenseless blond.

There's a whirlwind of activity that ends with his father in cuffs, and Hopper escorting Billy to the hospital with Max glued to his side while Susan tails the Chief's car.

On the drive there, Billy doesn't expect the chief to blurt out, "Jane heard what you told Steve." Billy wants to play dumb, he wants to pretend he has no clue what Hopper is referring to; but instead he just shrugs and glances back at Max, the red-head at least looks apologetic. 

"Does she always ear hustle that hard?" The large man huffs out a laugh, "you have no clue kid," he pauses, chewing at his lip before he carefully continues, "I knew the last name was familiar, just chalked up to a coincidence. But your ma...you look just like her…"

"Why didn't you say something earlier?" 

"I didn't want to assume, I was gonna do some digging. You know? I didn't know Bria was pregnant when we broke things off. All she said was Neil was getting suspicious. She didn't tell me, if she had…" he trails off, pulling up to the entrance of the hospital. 

"I'm gonna make this right, Billy. I promise."

Billy wants to scoff, but one glance at Max's hopeful face in the mirror has Billy nodding instead. 

"Yeah, okay." His words are soft, lacking any bite. 

It turns out that the police chief busting down your front door to find your "father" beating you bloody, is more than enough evidence to send said man to prison. 

It also turns out that one nicely worded threat is enough to have Neil Hargrove give up parental rights that never rightly belonged to him.

A DNA test for confirmation later Billy was getting a new birth certificate in the mail with the name William Orchard Hopper.

Below it read Bria Hargrove and James Hopper.

Billy was in the middle of decorating his new room in Hopper's place when Max barged in, Steve trailing behind her with a sweet grin on his lips.

"Billy, can you take me and Jane to the arcade?" Jane, who Billy hadn't noticed initially just smiled up at him.

The boy shook his head, turning to Steve, "aren't these your charges? Why am I the chaperone?"

Max rolls his eyes, "you're our brother, so you have to! You love us!"

Jane quickly nods her head, a sparkle in her eyes, "Yeah! You love us."

Steve hums his agreement, which has Billy shaking his head again, "okay, whatever shitbirds. Let me change, at least."

They seem to accept that, and slip out the room, leaving Billy and Steve alone.

The latter smiles at him, before crossing the room to plant a light kiss to his lips.

"Alright, now hurry up, Blondie! We can't let the boys get too cocky, Jonathan dropped them off already and I just know Dustin is trying to beat Max's highscores already. They're gonna fight all day."

Once Billy is dressed, he drags Steve out his bedroom, only to run into Hopper. Literally. 

Billy's head bounces against his chest and everything.

The man just grunts and steadies the smaller boy, his lips parting to speak before Billy is wrapping his arms around his midsection, "see you for dinner, Pops!" before he's grabbing Steve's hand and ushering Max and Jane out the door.

Jim doesn't miss the smile that graces his son's lips before he calls out, "be safe!"

He can almost see the way Jane and Billy roll their eyes before responding without missing a beat, 

"Us? Always!" Jim doesn't mention the time he had to put out a small fire from when Billy tried to teach Jane tricks with his zippo.

Yeah, always my ass, he thinks.

[blueflamehellfire]

Smoke Rings In The Dark

TW: MENTIONS OF ABUSE, MURDER, CANCER, AND DRUGS. PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU DONT LIKE THAT STUFF.

Eddie sat in the passenger seat of the camaro as it flew down the road music blaring and Eddie singing along as if his life depended on it. He had a shitty day and knew this was just what he needed. He had the joints pre-rolled and and in his cigarette case Wayne had given him. His brown curls were loose around his shoulders and he turned to the blonde next to him and smiled. He didn't look at him long just wanted to see his face and see what mood he was in.

There was a blooming bruise on the guys cheek, but Eddie didn't ask about it. They didn't really talk until the second joint. Once they were parked Eddie got out and sat down on the hood Billy sitting beside him. He lit the first joint taking a hit before passing it to him.

They smoked in silence until it was almost gone and then Billy spoke, "have you ever wanted to just...go? Just get out of this shit town, consequence be damned?"

Eddie chuckles softly, "on a daily basis. What's on your mind, Billy?" He asks looking at him. He wasn't high, but he was relaxed.

"I don't know." He says shrugging. He takes the second one taking a big hit off of it, "if I stay it'll be worse on me. If I go it'll be worse on Max." He says slowly.

Eddie nods taking a hit, "You're stuck." He says sighing. He understood how that was. If he stayed he'd suffer but Wayne would be ok. If he left he'd be ok, but Wayne wouldn't

"Yeah. Stuck is a good word." He says quietly and just listens to the Ratt song playing from the radio. "You never pick the song."

"We have the same taste in music." He shrugs looking at him. "You know. I've never been to the beach. Mom went and wanted to take me but she never got the chance." He says softly after a little bit.

Billy laughs and looks at him, "what does that have to do with anything?"

"Well. You're from California. It's mostly beaches. I was born here. Therefore never been to a beach." He says with a soft chuckle. Eddie passes the joint back to him and sighs, "maybe after Max is grown we can get out of here."

"Man if you get to go before then do it." Billy says shaking his head. "You don't have to stay here."

"I know." He says quietly. It was true. He did know that he didn't have to stay with Billy in this shitty town, but he would. He'd follow Billy wherever he asked him to go. He was completely devoted to the man even if the blonde didn't know it.

Eddie got good at hiding his feelings from everyone after his mom died. He didn't want to be too much for someone.

"Now what's on your mind?" He asks looking at Eddie. There was something about Billy high that broke Eddie's heart, he wasn't quite sure what it was though.

"Just thinking about how we're unlikely friends.' He says shrugging. "Like you're Mr. Popular and I'm the freak you know."

"That's a fair assessment I guess." He says shrugging. "Though you're the first person outside of my mom to care about me."

"What happened to her?" Eddie asks quietly; afraid of the answer. He had seen Billy after one of Neil's tantrums.

"Neil got mad one night. I think she dropped his favorite mug and it broke. He flew into a rage. He beat her and left her there." He says sighing. "He married Max's mom 6 months after her husband died and 8 months after mom died." Billy laughs bitterly, "I don't know how to live with him, but I can't let him hurt Max."

"You're a good brother Billy. Even if she doesn't see it." He says gently. "Does he still get that way?" he asks hesitantly

Billy hesitates before nodding, "yeah. He'll go after Max's mom from time to time. I stop him before he goes to far, but he needs to hit something to get his frustration and anger out. It's why I won't let animals be kept. I always take 'em away and give them to people who'll take care of them." He says and lifts the joint to his lips, his hand shaking slightly so Eddie say up and put a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm so sorry, Billy. You don't deserve that." He says softly.

He shrugs offering the joint to Eddie who took it and took a hit feeling the high hit him, "what about you? Where's mom and dad?"

"Mom died from cancer in '72. Al is probably conning some poor woman out of her fortune." He shrugs. "Al was never around growing up so I don't know too much about him. Just that I'm not going to be like him."

"That's my fear." Billy says sighing. "That it's in my DNA to be as corrosive as Neil." He says shaking his head. "It's why I ignore parts of me and go from woman to woman."

Eddie looks at him confused, "what do you mean ignore parts of you?"

Billy rubs his face hesitant to tell Eddie. "I just...don't know. I'm not high enough." He stops talking after that for a while. "Eddie?" He asks quietly after they finish their 3rd joint. Both boy's tolerance was super high.

"Yeah, Billy?" Eddie asks back watching the sky.

"Have you ever kissed a guy?" He asks after another long moment.

Eddie nods, "yeah. A few." He says shrugging. "Why?"

"Just curious." He says shrugging as he watched the ground.

"Guys come to me to see if they like it. They know I won't mention them by name to anyone; I'll keep my mouth closed."

Billy looks at him and it looks like he wants to ask something, but he looks away his ears turning red in the full moon light.

"Do you want to try?" Eddie says softly. "I won't tell anyone and we're in the middle of nowhere."

Billy looks at him, "you'd do that?" He asks as if he didn't believe him.

"Yeah I would." He says smiling softly. "I need permission Billy."

He hesitates a second before nodding. Eddie leans over and kisses him softly, hesitantly. He would allow Billy to pull away if he wanted, but he was surprised when Billy pulled him closer really kissing him.

Eddie kissed back hand going to his shoulder as he did. Their lips moving together as Billy's hand tightens on his waist as he pulls away.

"Shit." Billy swears softly. "Do you mind if we do that again?"

Eddie shakes his head connecting their lips again.

[stormblessed95]

Can I ask your top 10 fav fics ever (from any fandom, if you don't mind)?

Also, just curious, is there a story behind your name "stormblessed95 "?

I'm stormblessed because of this Ultra badass super sad boy right here.... Kaladin Stormblessed has my entire fucking heart for the rest of my life

Art by Ro

95 for vmin 🥰

Some of my favorite fics! In no particular order:

Blame it on my Youth by youreyestheyglow

Paring: Andrew/Neil

Fandom: AFTG

10 years after the end of The King's Men, Andrew and Neil have decided to foster a kid. They have low expectations for themselves--they're not exactly ideal parenting material--but at the very least, the kid will be safe with them. But neither Andrew nor Neil do temporary very well.

Full disclosure: highly character-driven, minimally plot-driven.

TW: If you suffer from paranoia, this is probably not the fic for you. Specifically, Neil has bunches of paranoia regarding being watched, and also being murdered.

Locked fic, so you need an account. Words: 1,520,605 and a WIP too.... Lmao I know....but it's SO GOOD. I'm just.... It's so damn good y'all. Basically just andriel growing and healing together, being so deeply in love, their adult lives and becoming parents and helping those children heal from their traumas too. Just gorgeously beautiful and I love it.

That Isn't Nothing by Taekookschanbaek

Pairing: Andrew/Neil

Fandom: AFTG

A look into the lives of pro exy players Andrew Minyard and Neil Josten. The world says they hate each other, but when Andrew gets transferred to Neil's team, their teammates begin seeing something else between them.

Words: 38,362, don't be thrown by the author name. I KNOW okay. But like damn, the fic is so fucking good. Ive read it multiple times. Its solid story telling with outsider POV and I just eat it up! Protective boyfriends and secret relationships and soft for each other moments. It's so good

The One-Body Problem by metisket

Pairing: Lan Zhan/Wei Ying

Fandom: MDZS

The good news is that Lan Jingyi has found a mentor, friend, and constant companion through the difficulties in life. The bad news is that that’s because he’s been accidentally possessed by the Yiling Patriarch.

This fic is SO GOOD I keep coming back to it all the time. It's got the juniors dynamics, it's got the most wholesome bonding stuff, it's got Jingyi being himself and so loveable. So wholesome. So cute. 10 outta 10 fic honestly. Words: 28,689

Rotten Work by @shanastoryteller

Pairing: Lan Zhan/Wei Ying

Fandom: MDZS

Jin Ling hadn’t thought to keep track of Wei Wuxian. Clearly that had been a mistake.

so good. Just amazing uncle and nephew bonding that gives me literally ALL OF THE FEELS. I read this and then went and read everything else this author has written. Such good storytelling!! And this was just both wholesome and emotional and fun! Amazing fic, truly. Words: 63,907

Stunted, Starving Juvenility by @tomatenmark5

Pairing: Lan Zhan/Wei Ying

Fandom: MDZS

At sixteen Wei Wuxian is—through some strange twist of fate, or a nick in the layer between parallel universes, who knows—out of the blue confronted with that one incense burner dream one night.

While his curious mind is left unable to stop poking at this new perspective on Lan Wangji, circumstances in the Cloud Recesses begin to change and Wei Wuxian is suddenly presented with life-altering opportunities.

Maybe Gusu isn’t so bad after all?

(Or alternatively: The fic where I get to give Wei Wuxian the academic scholarship he deserves while simultaneously getting him hitched early on.)

Might just be one of my all time favorite fics/stories. It's still technically a WIP but it's soo good. Don't let that stop you. It's so long too. But that's just even more story to love. I can't say enough good things lol words: 742,856 (I know, don't be intimidated though! Lol)

And Time is But a Paper Moon by Sami

Pairing: Lan Zhan/Wei Ying

Fandom: MDZS

"Zewu-Jun. You once told me about a house surrounded by gentians, where you visited once a month, and how Lan Zhan still waited there, even when the door no longer opened."

Xichen feels light-headed. He feels shocked, and angry. He has never told anyone such a thing, but Lan Zhan is giving Xichen a look of utter betrayal.

"You told him?" Lan Zhan whispers. "When?"

Wei Wuxian takes Lan Zhan's hand. "About twenty years from now."

***

Wei Wuxian starts again from the beginning.

My favorite time travel fix it fic. It's genuinely SO GOOD I love it and I love all the sequel stories that come after it!! Words: 139,032

The File by Denimbeans

Pairing: Percy Jackson/Bucky Barnes

Fandom: PJO, Marvel

When Percy stepped out of the elevator, Hazel wanted to weep. His clothing was tattered, hair matted with blood, and he was covered head to toe in golden dust. But he was alive. It took her a few minutes to realize that he was alone.

Before she died, she'd heard reports on the radio about soldiers who came home. Shellshock, they called it, from being in the trenches, the bombs and the bullets and the dead. Hazel had met soldier, once. A man who'd come home to her little town, missing half his leg and most of his mind. The look in his eyes was hauntingly similar to what she saw on her cousin's face.

Percy was different now. Stronger, maybe. He'd made it through Hell, but not without leaving a piece of him behind.

I honestly didn't know if I'd like this one when I started lol but I loved it. The ANGST WAS SO HEAVY AND SO GOOD. tw for annabeth not making it out of tarturus alive in this fic. PJO and Marvel/Shield mash up and honestly I'm just so down for badass Percy fics. Especially when we see him from another POV where he looks so scary but in his head he is the softest most traumatized boy. Percy is everything to me. Lol and I ship percabeth so hard so this was an outlier fic to me 😂 the blurb there is from the first story, I linked the whole series.

The One Where Nico Has 30 Boyfriends by a_million_stars

Pairing: Nico/Will

Fandom: PJO

“Seriously? Me and Lester?” Nico looked ready to kill him. “If you keep speaking to me I think I’m going to throw up.”

Or, a new friend from college desperately tries to figure out who Nico's secret boyfriend is. He messes up. A lot. If only Nico didn't have so many weirdly close friends from high school.

Just wholesome adorable cuteness with some outsider POV, which y'all should be able to tell I LOVE by now

Mortals, Meet Demigods by MaryaDmitrievnaLikesSundays

Pairing: Annabeth/Percy, Nico/Will

Fandom: PJO

Life isn’t easy for any teenager, but when you’re half-god, the word “easy” loses all meaning. Nine different mortals start to understand that.

Just cute wholesome outsider POV into the most precious of characters

Like Everything Glows by Annie_vi

Pairing: Jimin/Jungkook

Fandom: BTS

Jeon Jeongguk watches the sun rise and set on the water every day without wondering what may lie far beneath the surface. One nighttime walk along the beach upheaves his entire life, sending his human morals into a tailspin as he questions what his beliefs really are.

The first fic I read by Annie and still my favorite. I think about this story all the time lol. She is one of the very very few people I will read RPS fics from because her storytelling is just so immaculately beautiful. I love the way she writes. Truly. I need her to get published one day

@skygemspeaks retirement AU thread and every single fic it sparked inspiratiom for.

Seriously they linked TONS of them under their post and I read and obsessed over every single one and then went looking for more. Lmfao

Pairing: Yuuri/Victor

Fandom: Yuuri on Ice

Link to their Tumblr post:

Wrapping it up with @pekgna illustrated coffee shop AU that I'm so obsessed with.

Pairing: Shallan/Adolin/Kaladin

Fandom: Stormlight Archive

OT3 when Shallan and Adolin seduce Kaladin, their barista into becoming their boyfriend lol just perfection and adorable and the art is amazing!

Link to the start of the AU on Tumblr here:

Enjoy if you read them, let me know if you like them!!! And always feel free to give me fic recs as well especially if you want to send them to my side blog where I try to keep most of my conversations about books and fics now. My anon asks are on there. I've reblogged a few over there too. @moonofthesurvivor