#tw: self destructive actions

[the-violet-reaper]

Centross sat on the floor of his bedroom, in the corner tucked away. Blood came from small indents on his hands from digging his nails and small drag marks on his arms also from his nails beaded with small amounts of blood. He was breathing heavy.

[the-violet-reaper]

[He just shakes his head with a small sniffle. He digs his nails into his skin, healed marks being gone over with new indents, not breaking skin but causing redness.]

⟟☊⏃⍀⎍⌇...?

@the-violet-reaper

Yes, love? Are you alright..?

[iwillvanishbeforeyou]

Thanks to you, I no longer believe in soulmates. I no longer believe in marriage.

Thanks to you, I no longer believe in love

[monochromatictoad]

You know, for the longest time I struggled to associate traditional vampires to Gabriel. Hell, modern vampires I struggled with as well. Well, I think I know why now. Quick trigger warning, there will be mentions of self harm, suicidal ideations and actions, and blades.

Gabriel sucks at being a vampire.

(part 1)

Now hear me out. What are some of vampire weaknesses? Holy artifacts, the sun, a stake through the heart, maybe fire, silver, garlic, and running water?

Yeah, well, Gabriel doesn't share those weaknesses. He is shown reciting prayer, using an object in the shape of a crucifix, and blowing up half a country using holy magic. He can be out in the sun, as seen during his castle portions in LoS2. He can wield hellfire. LoS vampires don't have a weakness to silver, so I'm gonna gloss over that for consistency, however he is seen biting through armor, so he probably wouldn't have that weakness. As far as Garlic and Running water, those two are still unknown if they do anything to LoS vampires, so again I would argue that he would probably be fine.

The only weakness he shares, is being staked. However, it HAS to be HIS Combat Cross that he wielded as a human. However, if MoF is anything to take into account, I could argue that it probably wouldn't actually kill him, but seal him into a blissful limbo, one that he didn't expect, but he grew nearly addicted to and never wanted to leave it. With Trevorcard's sword, the Crissaegrim, which was made with the stake from the Combat Cross/Vampire Killer, it was only just strong enough to seal Gabriel away, but only in a painful, not-death. It wiped memories and powers away from Gabriel. But, the reason I bring that up is because, if you lived for decades in constant physical, emotional, and mental pain; and there was a weapon that you found that could seal you into a dimension where you didn't feel said pain, then you were forced back into the realm of endless pain and agony for several centuries, wouldn't you be desperate to get that sweet release back? Wouldn't you work with one of your nemesis, if it meant you could finally get that bliss back?

What I'm getting at here, is that Gabriel hid the Vampire Killer in MoF, probably for three reasons.

1. To prevent the powerful weapon from falling into the wrong hands

2. Maybe he had a hunch that Trevor had a family, and they would come and face him, so it would make them equal if they took the time to find it.

3. Maybe because all he saw was Trevor's blood on it from where Gabriel killed his own son.(Maybe he was in denial and thought Trevor would not be actually dead and would walk through his doors to face him again, this time winning.)

Secret 4. He was scared to die. This man was very religious as a human, he believed that all people were worthy of redemption should they seek it (except himself). However, he also believed that should someone abuse their powers, they deserved hell. He was still scared of hell. He was scared of how far he fell and knew that he would not be greeted by Marie in heaven, but by Satan in hell. That shit doesn't go away just because you denounced your religion. Trust me from personal experience with religious trauma.

So, if Gabriel was scared to die, but got delightfully surprised by a blissful limbo, it's only fair that he would pick up old habits from being a human and try to kill himself. He literally self-harms in LoS2 with his upgrades and relics, hell even to fast travel.

Let me introduce you to the Piles of Sacrifice, the Pain Boxes, and the Map Rooms.

Pain Boxes are boxes where Gabriel sticks his hands into and they send spikes into his arms. These are needed for the health, void, and chaos magic upgrades. I believe these are linked to the castle, but I can't find proof they are.

These are the Pile of Sacrifice. Gabriel cuts his arm on the blade, and drops his blood into the vase. This will grant Gabriel one of two things, completely at random. Either a Nail of the Kleidos or an upgrade to his consumables.

This is the map room. You fast travel to different parts to either the city or castle. Gabriel is the only one who can use the map. Reason? See that pedestal in front of the map? Gabriel gives a blood sacrifice to the castle. If anyone else uses it, they get injected with a poison that takes minutes to kill them. It is seen as a symbol of the 'Symbiotic' relationship Gabriel has with the Castle.

I should also mention, that Gabriel's weapons are also physically a part of him and his "Shapeshifting" abilities. That will be in part 2 though!

[faithfromanewperspective]

bringing this back because I’ve contemplated what it’d look like to have a proper discussion of how watching genocide is destroying our mental health for a while now. and because the concept of doing this yourself is something you have to feel both really sure about and helpless otherwise—but organising it with a group to have more impact is murder of your most loyal allies and also cult behaviour. because it sends a message about the lack of other ways there are to speak up, at the cost of a lifetime of speaking up later—but this cost is also paid thousands of times, taken via murder, and those lives are just as important too. what did they think really, rightfully telling us our lives are valuable and that we shouldn’t end them—what did they think but the fact that we’d see just as much value in the lives of others we watch being slaughtered?

thought crimes don’t exist and you can’t ever pin the blame of suicide on someone else fully. but let’s break both of those rules for a moment and say even if not directly. the perpetrators of genocide are responsible for many a suicidal thought and action of a helpless bystander. and not to mention the guilt we feel for those in it suffering immeasurably worse.

[bouncybongfairy]

I really loved reading your Zuko Freezer Burn fic! I wanted to request one where Zuko doesn't believe reader could ever love him until she risks her life to save him. Smut in the end is appreciated

Believe Me Now?

Prince Zuko x Fem Reader

Summary: After narrowly missing getting a scar to match Zuko's after he nearly engulfed the ship, the two of you have a heart to heart. Both of you letting your feelings and insecurities known. The sudden flood of vulnerability and reassurance leads to things getting intense.

Word Count: 1.0k+

TW: Smut.

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

Zuko was currently in a private meeting with Iroh, trying to calculate the best route for the latest lead on the Avatar. You were sitting in the room the two of you shared on the ship. Cleaning the room, folding clothes among other things.​​ Even though you were a bit ignorant of all the little details of hunting the Avatar, you could see it slowly chipping away at Zuko. He was more ornery, the smallest things setting him off. It was evident that he was becoming impatient, longing for his old life. You resented this at times, why wasn’t the life you were building together enough to satisfy him? Of course it was only naturally from him to want that royal status back. That’s what made you the most insecure; the one thing he wanted more than anything was also the only thing you can’t give him. He bursted into the room, face red and sweat dripping down his forehead. 

“I’m so tired of being out maneuvered!” he groaned loudly, slamming the door shut. 

“I’m so sorry,” you said.

He sat on the bed, fists balled up and resting on his knees. You rubbed his back, trying your best to calm him down. This wasn’t working, if anything he was becoming more enraged. His mind was snowballing, unable to accept another defeat. Standing up again, making his way out of the room and to the fire room. Where coal was shoved into the furnaces, which powered the ship. Muttering and groaning about how slow we were traveling. Roughly throwing shovel fulls and then shooting fire to ignite them. There were barrels of blasting jelly, normally stored at a safe distance from the heat. Zuko however, shoving large amounts of coal while blasting practically white hot flames was becoming at risk. You were trying to warn him, yelling his name hoping to break him out of this fit. Even you were starting to feel the heat building in the room. 

“Zuko stop!” you scream, wanting to get closer but, the heat was burning your skin. You could barely see due to how bright the flames were. 

Not being able to stand his self destructive behavior, reaching through the hot sting and grabbing his shoulder. One of the barrels ends up catching fire, sending both of you stumbling back as it combusted. Flames began covering the room, slightly disoriented he grabs your arm and pulls you towards the exit. Soldiers were running in, trying their best to extinguish the blaze. The ship was badly damaged, to the extent of evacuating onto a sister ship nearby. Iroh was pissed at Zuko, especially after seeing the burns on your wrist and shoulder. His uncle was lecturing him the entire boat ride there. You were giving him the cold shoulder, fed up with his anger issues. A bottomless hole that no amount of reassurance and comfort could fill. You could tell he wasn’t listening to Iroh, more just sitting in deep thought. Hopefully regretting his action like the fool he is. 

“Are you okay?” he asks as the two of you settle into the new room. Sitting on the bed and thinking about his question for a second. Tears burning into your eyes, preventing you from answering. 

“Are you?” you asked. 

“Just because I lost my temper doesn’t mean-” he tries to explain. 

“No Zuko. I’m tired. You aren’t happy, I’m not making you happy. It seems like this mission is consuming you. I can’t take the way it makes me feel anymore. I want to be enough for- I want to be what you need but maybe I'm just not,” you said through your tears. 

“I don’t think that, I just want to give you the life you deserve. I want you to be my Fire Lady, to have a crown and be honored as the royalty you are. I feel like my banishment obliterated our entire future together, and it’s my fault,” he said, sitting next to you on the bed. 

“I can’t even believe you’d say that, I love you so much. Why do you think I followed you even after banishment? I chose you over everything because I love you, not being royalty or being honored by a kingdom that worships a man who did this to his own blood,” you said, running your finger tips over his scar. 

“But you deserve better,” he said. 

“No, I know you think that but you’re dumb for that,” you said, which seemed to lighten the mood a bit. He wrapped his arm around you and inspected your arm. 

“It’s really not bad, it doesn’t even hurt that bad,” you reassured him. 

He just smiled and started kissing up your arm. Making you giggle, his lips tickling your skin. The energy changes when he moves his mouth to your neck. Climbing on top of you, letting yourself fall back; giving him room to join you on the bed. It wasn’t like you hadn't been together before but this time was different. It felt really natural and organic, like you were both reaffirming how much you care about each other. Pulling at his armor, hoping he would take the hint and rip it off. He does, slowly shedding his outer layers. While he did so, you took his pony-tail out, letting the hair fall onto his face. The kissing becomes deeper, more needy and desperate.

Feeling him get hard while he was grinding against you was making you become inpatient. Your core begins to ache from the lack of contact. Taking his pants off and lifting your dress up. Reaching his hand down to feel how wet you were, dropping his forehead on your shoulder and groaning. His dick twitched against your thigh as he realized how turned on you were. You reach down and line him up with your entrance. Slowly pushing in, moving all his attention to you. Making eye contact, wanting to see your face as he stretched you around his cock. Kissing your nose and cheeks once he was fully inside. They two of you stayed still for a while, rocking your hips every now and again. 

There was something so much more intimate about just embracing each other. Enjoying the feelings of being full, watching his eyebrows furrow. Hearing him moan every time you squeeze your walls around him. Whispering affirmations into your ear, talking about how much he loved you. He began thrusting into you, wrapping one of arms around the back of your neck. Pulling you closer to him, becoming more sensitive as he started pounding harder.

'The slaps of wet skin and moans fill the room. Pressing your lips into his shoulder, biting and sucking hickies onto him. You wrapped your legs around his waist, running your hands down his back. Feeling all his muscles harden and contract. He was practically panting into your ear, the sensitivity almost felt like a burning as you came. Raking your nails down his back, sending him into his climax. Rutting and bucking into you at an erratic pace. Collapsing onto after it was done, holding you tightly. Not even bothering to pull out before the two of you fell asleep.'The slaps of wet skin and moans fill the room. Pressing your lips into his shoulder, biting and sucking hickies onto him. You wrapped your legs around his waist, running your hands down his back. Feeling all his muscles harden and contract. He was practically panting into your ear, the sensitivity almost felt like a burning as you came. Raking your nails down his back, sending him into his climax. Rutting and bucking into you at an erratic pace. Collapsing onto after it was done, holding you tightly. Not even bothering to pull out before the two of you fell asleep.

[the-violet-reaper]

Centross looked at Icarus in the eyes.

"But-"

Centross' shaky hands had small, deep indents on the palms from his nails. One of the ones closer to the middle was bleeding slightly. He sighed, looking down at the palms.

He hadn't done that in a long time...

Centross sat in the dark room, the only light being his comm sometimes pinging with a new message. He sighed. The things momboo had said had gotten to him. More than he'd like to admit. He had hurt Icarus. And now...now he was scared of doing it again.

"....fuck..."

@wilted-feathers (ooc: >:3)

[madi-writes-things]

Making The Bed (Johnie Guilbert X Reader)

Summary:

Pushing away all the people that know me the best…

Word Count: 1,415

TW: Passing Out, ED, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Self Deprecation, Self Destructive Thoughts and Actions, Avoiding Foods, Parties, Drinking, Johnnie Being a Supportive and Good Boyfriend, platonic!Jake Webber

A/N: this has been in my drafts for like three months. Sorry if it seems rushed or anything, I fell asleep halfway through writing it and finished when I woke up. 🫶

“”“”“”“”“”

Y/N’s POV

I stand in the bathroom, obsessively typing the calories from the meal I just ate into the calorie counter that I promised I wouldn’t redownload. I didn’t mean for it to get like this again, but here I am. It just started as a few missed snacks, which turned into meals, and it all snowballed into daily weigh-ins and days with no food. I stop by the mirror for a moment, and I regret it immediately… the second I see myself, I feel my stomach churn.

The worst part of this is the lying to the people close to me… I don’t push them away on purpose, it just makes it easier. On days where I don’t see Johnnie much, I’m able to go the whole day without eating. I know that he’ll find out eventually, but I can’t let it be now.

In an ironic way I find it funny how people on the internet find out what you struggle with, and do their best to make it worse. The only reason that I started skipping snacks, was because people started commenting on my weight gain. It’s not the people who praise me for looking healthier, the issue is the people who spew my worst fears in the comments.

I know in the back of my head, that I will lose everything I’ve worked for if I don’t stay skinny. Johnnie won’t want me, Jake won’t chose me over him, Tara won’t want someone like me as a friend, my fans will get tired of me once I’m not interesting to look at, my family wo-

I hear Johnnie lightly knock on the bathroom door, pulling me from my doom spiral. “you okay in there babe?”

Shit.

I quickly wipe my face off, leaving no trace of the tears that were spilled. “Yeah! Be out in just a second.” Sometimes I wonder if he knows, and he’s happy that I’m losing weight. No. He’s not like that.

“”“”“”“”“”

I think Jake knows…

He stared me down after making me lunch. I think he was trying to see if I actually ate it. He made pasta, and I cried in the bathroom for thirty minutes after leaving the table. I saw him staring at me anytime we were in the same room after that.

Now I’m climbing into his car with Johnnie and Tara, headed to an influencer party. I’m wearing a cute Tank + Cropped Hoodie with skeleton hand’s bedazzled on the tits, and a pair of high waisted jeans. I knew that going out was a bad idea, but I have to stay under Jake’s radar… if he says anything to Johnnie, I’m done for.

I offer to be designated driver when we pull up, there’s no way I’m drinking tonight. One shot of vodka is nearly 100 calories, and vodka is the lowest calorie alcohol I’ve found. Everyone agrees pretty easily.

“”“”“”“”“”

The party has been going on for hours, and all of my friends were pretty tipsy at this point. I decided to go sit with Tara a little bit ago, and now we’re talking about her latest hookup. “He was literally so pretty… and his dick was huge!” She nearly falls over laughing at my reaction. I tell her I’m going to grab a water from the cooler, and find the guys so we can head out.

The second I stand up, everything goes blurry for a second. Shit. I don’t think I’ve had anything to eat since Jake made me, and that was like three days ago. I reach out and steady myself on Tara’s shoulder, as she asks if I’m okay. I mutter a quick yes, as I start walking away. It’s takes a second for my eyes to focus again, but most people just seem to assume I’m drunk.

Once I find the guys, we head out. My head is pounding, and all I want is to get home and go straight to bed. Once we finally get to our room, Johnnie holds me tight in his arms as we drift to sleep.

“”“”“”“”“”

The party was two days ago, and while I know I shouldn’t, I took advantage of everyone’s hangovers. I still haven’t eaten or drank anything other than water. Every morning I wake up lighter than the day before, and I’m not risking gaining any weight at this point.

Today is different, Jake and Johnnie are wide awake. The guys have been filming all morning, and they asked me if I wanted to join them in a video… I obviously agreed. I’ve missed my boyfriend, and I doubt he’d notice anything while we’re out at target.

“”“”“”“”“”

We stopped at three different targets before finding one that would let us film, totaling about an hour and a half of driving around. We’ve been walking around this target for a while, but the lights are too bright and I can’t seem to make my brain work hard enough to figure out how long.

I’m standing in the board game isle when it happens. I see Johnnie’s face fall when he sees me. “Babe, are you okay? You look really pa…” I don’t even hear the full sentence before everything turns to static.

“”“”“”“”“”

Johnnie’s POV

It all happens so fast. One second we’re laughing at something stupid, the next second Y/N has gone completely silent. “Babe, are you okay? You look really pale.” Then it happens. I watch as her eyes roll back into her skull.

Shit.

I barely move fast enough to stop her from hitting her head on the ground. “Jake! Go get some juice and a granola bar.” He practically drops the camera before breaking into a sprint across the store.

nononono… how long have I missed this? It all starts clicking into place… the long bathroom breaks after meals, the pulling away, the way she offered to not drink. Jake returns within 30 seconds, and Y/N starts to stir in my arms.

“”“”“”“”“”

Y/N’s POV

Everything feels like static… I think my eyes are open, but I still can’t see anything. I reach up, and my hand graces something, it takes me a second to register that it’s my loving boyfriend. I mutter a quick apology, and I hear him talking to someone but it’s so muffled. I don’t know how long I lay there before I start to regain feeling in my body. I can’t tell if I’m shaking, but I feel like I’m having a seizure or something.

once I’m able to sit up on my own Johnnie hands me a juice box and a granola bar. I can see Jake sitting across the aisle, also sipping a juice box. They wait until I’m done with my snack before talking. “Baby, I need you to be honest… when is the last time you ate?”

Shitshitshitshit. “I had lunch with Jake.” I try to sound confident, but my voice is shaky. I see Johnnie look across the aisle at Jake, questioning whether I was telling the truth.

“Y/N… that was almost a week ago.” He looks at me with a nearly indecipherable expression, but I know it well. Pity. “Is that really the last time you ate?”

Seeing how worried my they are breaks me. I only allow myself to break down because we are in a fairly secluded area of the store. Johnnie pulls me into his arms, kissing the top of my head. We stay like that for a while before heading home.

“”“”“”“”“”

Three Months Later

That day was a massive wake up call. Johnnie let me take a nap when we got home, while I slept they assembled friends and family. When I woke up they held an intervention. They gave me the choice to Go to an inpatient treatment, or try to get better at home… I chose getting better at home, scared that nobody would wait for me.

That night we worked out a plan. Johnnie made me a meal plan full of foods that I felt safe eating, we threw out the bathroom scale, and we deleted the calorie counter. It wasn’t an overnight change, but I had amazing support from the people around me.

Johnnie is truly the man of my dreams. He never stops telling me how much he loves me, and reassuring me that he would never leave me. He is the reason I wake up in the morning, and I know that he will always be there.

“”“”“”“”“”

@unbruisable @bernardsbendystraws @sturniolo-fann @jnkvivi @stasiesturn

@h3arts4harry @slutforsturniolos

[razzle-n-dazzle]

hello, friend!! i saw your adam hcs and i loveddd themmm!! i was hoping to request smth if that’s okay? could we get lucifer with a reader who also struggles with depression like he does (it’s mentioned in episode five if you didn’t know!!) and maybe reader had a practically rough week and gets home from work and just breaks down in tears, and luci find a way to cheer them up? either fem! or gn! reader if that’s chill, tysm for taking your time to consider this even if you don’t get to it!!

— 🪽anon

ᯓ★ "Give Your Corpse Some Smile Lines." Lucifer / Reader | Oneshot TW! Read at your own risk and comfortability! | talks about depression, suicidal topics/actions, overdosing topics/actions, reader breaking down, hurt to comfort, self destruction, abuse

ᯓ There are days and weeks, sometimes months and years, that prolonged like time, made it appear like it no longer moved and served a purpose. Like time was nothing but a feign idea that was made to torture everyone and anyone who dared think about it, who dared to calculate how it traveled and how long it took to pass a minute. And some days it made people want to break, and some day it made people want to kill other people, and some days it made people overjoyed, and some days it made people excited, and some days it made people nervous, and some days. . . It made you want to die.

ᯓ To be killed in the most brutal fashion known to man, to explode in a death either as silent as taking your own life in your own home or as bright and fantastic as the explosion of fire works. Time for you was never a friend and it continued to taunt you after you had died, overdosing on the pain medication you were prescribed after a horrible accident. Horrific! You had heard people call you, friends and family, after they saw the state of your decaying body after being rammed by a truck who lost control. Monstrous! None of them chose to stay around, none chose to help you when you were at your weakest and worst, when you could barely help yourself. And all you had done back then was help them! Was care for them! Be there for them at any time of the day whenever they needed, whenever they wanted, whenever they asked or called or texted or shouted or pleaded or-

ᯓ And it was a coward move, you were sure. Weak, many would call it, blasphemous and you were sure it was why you never got into Heaven despite having done everything in your power to be okay, to be the perfect person everyone wanted, to be good. But one night, when everything was moving too slow and no one seemed to blink twice at your presence, you would take your own life in silence. To overdose on your own pills, both praying it wouldn't work but gain the attention of someone yet also praying it would kill you and finally let you live in peace. In a world of black nights where you didn't have to open your eyes no longer, where time wouldn't be creeping over your shoulder, where nothing would hurt anymore because dammit. . . everything hurt.

ᯓ IT ALL FUCKING HURT.

ᯓ And then you ended in hell, and then you realized this would be your life . . . and then you realized you were still stuck with your worst enemy of all: Time. Forever stuck in an eternity after life, forever stuck here by yourself, forever being another face in the crowd or another person on the street for people to pass by and not think about twice. Someone. Just someone! Not even someone, no one. Just a shell, just a person decaying on the streets, decaying for all to see. A pitiful show.

ᯓ You could hardly remember when you met Lucifer; Maybe you were down on your luck one day and was eating cold Ramen out of the streets and he took pity to sit by you, to talk to you. Maybe it was when you were at a bar, downing another drink to forget the fact that you were chained down here, chained to your enemy, chained to your eternity of a never ending moment of the hands of time. Maybe you were working your minimum wage job to barely survive, or maybe you bumped into him. You memory hadn't always been good, party due to your own mental health and a constant flight or fight response, yet you had always knew life to be so bleak before you had met him. And then one day, everything was slightly a bit more okay. And slowly everything was a little more barrable; Even just slightly.

ᯓ And maybe a life can be handled in eternity, and you didn't have to be alone anymore . . .

ᯓ Yet, no matter how much anyone wished, love cannot fix all problems. Love can teach you how to heal, love can teach you how to live, love can teach you how to handle everything inside of you in a better manner than self destruction. But love cannot instantly fix everything wrong with you; You should have realized that sooner.

ᯓ You lived a life nothing short of a fairy tale for the last few months, living life alongside a partner who you could share the weight of the world with. Who felt comfortable enough to share the weight of the world with you. Where in the days you both laughed and played, pushing and pulling each other, peppering kissing on skin and longing ones on the lips. And at night you cuddled against each other, both with the fear of losing, both with longing, both just enjoying the company you now had, that you could now share. You've already shared tears, concerns, worries, troubles. You've both been vulnerable under the other's eyes, staining shirts under the other's careful and cradling hug, broken down and rushed out apologies. You've already both taken care of each other, took your time and held patience with each other and you both tried to heal the broken pieces of one another. Most would call it a disaster, a tragedy, yet for you both . . . it was like some sort of twisted hope, knowing you were no longer alone in your self deprecation. Knowing that even if either of you tried to self destruct everything around you, tried to gain that control that's slipping away, tried to push the other away, they would understand and be there. That in the end of the day you had someone to crawl to.

ᯓ Yet even with constant oxygen and wood, a fire can still grow dim in it's own silence and try to snuff itself out.

ᯓ This week had been long, it had dragged you by the heels and you could no longer put the energy to fight against it's slowing seconds. Working a minimum wage job, even after Lucifer had told you that you never had to again (yet you continued to do so for some sort of feeling of schedule and stability), that you hated and wished you could quite for a paycheck that wasn't even that high to withstand the abuse you had to. Lucifer constantly worried about you, about how the job affected you both physically and mentally. You often came home either drained or hurt, as costumers tended to get rather violent down in Hell. It was common to be stabbed during a shift and having to endure it until your shift was over. Effectively causing you to bleed out while still having to rep a costumer service smile. And the stabbing might not even be the worst part of everything; As you had to try many times to bite back any sort of emotion, ire and frustration and sorrow, as costumers yelled, screamed, tossed shit your way for a mistake you didn't even make. And yet it was your fault. It was always your fault and you couldn't do anything but stand there and take it, as your job would be on the line if you did anything other than stand there and take the anger and take the frustrations and the yelling and the stabbing; Being everyone's personal punching bag without any sort of composition.

ᯓ What was the point of it?

ᯓ The thought had came to you one day after you came home, slugging your shoes off your feet and tossing your keys onto the counter. Lucifer wasn't home, he usually was, yet you guessed he had something better to do than hear your sorrows of the day. You would want to do anything than hear about your sorrows as well, you couldn't blame him for trying to avoid you. So you dragged yourself to the bathroom, heavily sitting down upon the close lid of the toilet before sinking down some. A hand rested upon your stomach, the knife that pierced through your side slid in between your fingers like it didn't draw your blood out. Like it wasn't causing you pain; not even the worst pain in your life, just pain that poked and pricked and brought tears to the eyes, but you were no stranger to tears or to blood. You were no stranger to the bruises that covered your body from angry costumers, from the blisters that grew from harsher treatment, from the blood that seeped and stained. And maybe you should take care of that wound, but it was best to keep a knife into the wound than take it out; It stopped bleeding and you hadn't stained that much, you didn't think, and you were oh so tired so maybe. . .just a nap would help. It didn't have to be a long one, yet something in the back of your mind hoped it would be, and you leaned your head back against the back of the toilet. The light above gave out a buzz, showing it was working, sounding that it was on and here.

ᯓ Yet a nap sounded nice.

ᯓ "Honey! I'm home!" Lucifer shout, a cheerful laugh followed and a careful grin was stretched on his face as he tried to balance the bags of groceries that were in his arms; Trying to make his one round of bringing groceries in to work. He didn't want to drop a single one of them, "I'm sorry I took so long, yet I went to the store and wow! There were a lot of options for things that I was sure I would never make it out of there! Did you know that there's like. . ." Lucifer would pause to count his fingers, having successfully delivered the bags onto the counter without breaking anything, ". . .15 different brands of milk?! And they had like this Milk called Almond milk, where they apparently milk the almond and I don't know how they do that but-" Lucifer's voice fell flat as soon as he noticed you weren't around, at least, not around as usual. By now you would have sprung from the couch, or yelled at him from the bathroom that you were doing your business, or came from the bedroom to wrap him in a hug. Yet your presence was absent and it didn't allude Lucifer, at least, not many more. "H . . . honey?" He would call out again, this time with a more shaken voice and frowned eyebrows; His smile no longer held the confidence of a man who managed to do one round of bringing groceries in with 13 bags.

ᯓ And yet you didn't respond to his call, how could you when your own breath was so shallow your heart was speeding up, stressing, just to pump blood through your body; And Lucifer grew worried. It would triple upon seeing the mess you had left, a mess that hadn't caught his eye until now. . . Your shoes left lazily by the door, your keys stained with blood. Blood that streaked like a hand across the counter top and traveled inward, towards the bathroom and it's door that lingered tauntingly open. And instantly, Lucifer felt his mouth run dry and his feet speed towards the bathroom with nothing but horrible thoughts piling up in his head. You were hurt and you weren't answering his calls. You were hurt and you weren't doing anything to signal to him that you were okay. Are you okay? Are you dead? Oh god he hoped he didn't get to that bathroom door and see your dead body there, all stained and pale. Please don't be dead, please please please. . . "OH MY GOD!-" Lucifer hated to admit the way his body froze in horror by the doorway, one hand clinging onto the frame and the other shot up to cover his mouth. He hated the way his feet stuck to the ground like they were rooted, forcing him to look at your bleeding and barely breathing figure on the floor.

ᯓ And no, he didn't miss the way your blood was smeared on the toilet. He could never miss such a detail when your blood was the last thing he ever wanted to see seep out of your body and pool and stain everything around you.

ᯓ "Oh fuck! Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck!" The words fell out of his lips, fell onto deaf ears, as he ripped his rooted feet off the ground and rushed over to you, to your body. He felt dazed, confused, unsure of himself all of a sudden. What was he supposed to do? What could he do? "Hey, don't be dead come on!-" He didn't realize he was rambling to himself as he kneeled down next to you, not minding the way your blood seeped and stained his white clothes. He shuffled around, looking for your wound, looking for something he could fix to help you! He was so panicked, and had to stich up your wounds so often, that the thought of calling a doctor didn't cross his mind. Lucifer was hesitant to touch you, but didn't want to hurt you, "Wound, wound wound! Where the fuck is your wound?!" He asked before spotting the knife that was jagging out your side. It was mostly covered by your body, as he had happened to kneel down on the opposite side of where your wound pierced in. "Oh fucking duh, it's where the knife is. Nice job Lucifer can't spot a fucking knife when your lover is bleeding out on the floor!- Shit wait I need to actually take care of that. Fuck! Where the hell is the first aid kit?!"

ᯓ To say Lucifer was freaking out during the whole process of taking out the knife, tossing it to the side to be picked up later, disinfecting your wound, trying to stitch it up with shaking hands, and wrapping you up. . . would be an understatement. He was terrified to hold you, afraid he might make the wound worse or he might put you in more pain, yet somehow managed to move you from the bathroom floor to the couch in the living room. He would have put you to bed, at least provided your body a little more comfort, yet he was afraid to leave your side. Afraid that if he took his eyes off of you that something might happen, that you might roll onto the wound and break the sticking, that you might just stop breathing as a whole and leave him alone.

ᯓ He tried calling Charlie to help, yet physicked himself out right before he was going to press the call button. He needed some sort of help, he couldn't go through this alone, yet he didn't want to put his daughter through this either. All he could really do was find himself sitting in front of the couch, head resting upon the cushion, watching your chest rise and fall with heavy eyes; Just to reassure himself you were still here, that you were still alive and you could wake up. Maybe tomorrow? Hopefully. Maybe he should bring you to a hospital. Either way he was here, waiting, hoping.

ᯓ Fuck . . . He didn't know what he would do if you didn't wake up. But you did! By some grace of god you had happened to wake up in the middle of the night, the day after Lucifer had found you. He hadn't been awake, and you were barely moving due to the pain that jabbed at your side. Though you noticed the weight that indented the couch by the edge, slightly turning your head to see Lucifer's crossed arms and nuzzled head into it; He was sleeping, leaning against the couch while sitting on the floor. Drowsy, tired, you glanced over at the couch, wondering why he was sitting down there instead of up here with you. When did you even get to the couch? And then you noticed how you were wearing some of his clothes, with the shirt pulled up to expose your wrapped chest, the bandages still a stained a little crimson red. And you frowned, eyes heavy, looking down at the wound and realizing, at least to some sort of extent, why he wasn't up here. You had scared him . . . A heavy sigh left your lips as you reached a hand out, shaking, as you leaned down into the cushions. Gently, you placed your hand on top of Lucifer's, trying to intertwin your fingers without waking him. If anything, by the way he looked, you were sure he just managed to fall asleep . . . and most likely passed out from exhaustion rather than willingly succumbing to slumber.

ᯓ Though feeling the sudden warmth on his hands, and being half-awake and half-asleep in general, Lucifer's eyes fluttered open despite being rather heavy. He felt heavy, he felt tired . . . yet his hand felt warm, causing his eyes to glance down and notice your hand on top of his. Your hand, your thumb rubbing against his. "Love?. . ." He would mumble out, hoping this wasn't a dream, as he gently raised his head. You noticed the way his eyes sagged a little, his eyelids clearly heavy with eyebags starting to form under his eyes. The frown that had been on his face, tugged down out of pain, began, sluggishly, to tug into a warm smile. "You're awake. . . how are you feeling, do you need anything?" The way his voice croaked, clearly tired and clearly worn from tired and sobbing. His disheveled look, the way his hair was more frazzled than normal and the way his clothes were stained. It all made you upset; Not at him, no, you could never be upset at Lucifer. You were upset at yourself. For causing him so much pain, for making him probably so worried and panicked with the crawling thoughts of your death if he dared to ever take his eyes off of you.

ᯓ Lucifer, waiting for your answer, would gently bring your hand up to his cheek. He had missed your warmth, you had been so cold when he touched you last to move you from the tile of the bathroom floor to the plush cushions of the couch. He was glad that the warmth had returned to body, that he was able to watch your eyes sparkle in the dim lights that flooded in from the kitchen stove hood.

ᯓ His eyes were so gentle, his smile was so genuine, and all you managed to weakly croak out was a, "I'm sorry." And you felt bad feeling the warm tears starting to clump up in your eyes again and spill over. And you felt horrible as Lucifer shot awake, seeing your tears through the light of the kitchen, and rushed to bring his free hand up to your cheek to wipe away your tears. "I'm so sorry Lucifer I. . ." You would choked out, unsure what else to say. How else could you apologize to Lucifer when you knew that you had laid there, on the toilet, with the intention to hopefully die. And you didn't know how to tell Lucifer that to his face, especially when you've never had to tell anyone who's gotten as close to you as Lucifer has that you've thought about killing yourself. That you tried to plan it out in your shared home. Where you knew they would find you. Where you knew. . . "Hey, hey, it's okay. You're-" Lucifer paused for a second, glancing down at the side of your stomach. He had to reassure himself that you were alright before trying to comfort you, "-okay. You're okay now!" Lucifer grinned towards you, a little nervous at first before it fused out into more worry. "You're awake and you're not dying and it's okay! We can. . . talk about it all later okay? Just focus on getting better."

ᯓ You both would sit there in a comfortable, slightly-comfortable, silence as Lucifer stared up at you, and you stared back down at him. His hand, after having cleared your tears, hand reached up to play with your hair, trying to coax you back to sleep. Even when you knew he needed sleep himself, with the way his heavy eyes closed for long periods of time before opening again to meet mine. "Come here. . ." You would mumble, trying to reach for Lucifer, wanting to feel his warmth against yours. He was hesitant to do so, you could tell by the way his eyebrows scrunched upward and the frown that tugged on his lips. It took a while to coax him onto the couch, where even then he gingerly laid on his side and wrapped his arms cautiously a safe place above your bandages and nuzzled his head between the crook of your neck. You were able to play with his hair this time, give him a soft peck on the forehead. A silent apology for all the pain he had to endure because of you without you there to help, without the support he had shown you countless of times without fail.

ᯓ "I. . ." Lucifer's voice warily mumbled out, ". . .thought I was going to lose you." And the way his voice cracked broke your heart into a million pieces. And the only pathetic response you could muster back to him was a soft, shaken, "I'm sorry." As tears silently began to fall down your cheeks, and you could feel the silent tears that fell from Lucifer's eyes stain your neck. "I'm. . . so, so sorry. . ." "It's okay. . ." Lucifer would hug you a little tighter, "We'll work through it together, you're not going to lose me that easily, even if-" He would pause, choking out a bit of laughter between his tears, "-you try yourself."

ᯓ Oh. . . he knew. . .

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[pin-k-ink]

fated // dazai osamu

tw: mention of death and violence, one night stand, a small teeny weeny age gap

wc: 2.1k

a/n: this was more of a self-insert than an x reader fic

Dazai was a man who scoffed at the notion of fate, rejecting the idea that some invisible force could be guiding his life's trajectory. He preferred to attribute his successes and failures to his own decisions and actions, a belief system forged in the harsh realities and tough choices of his upbringing. Raised in a world where relying on fate was a luxury he couldn't afford, Dazai learned early on that he had to carve out his own path in life.

His disbelief in fate stemmed from a childhood marked by instability and uncertainty. Growing up in the Port Mafia, he witnessed firsthand the randomness of life's outcomes. There were no predetermined paths for him, only the constant struggle to survive and shape his own destiny. It was a world where the strong thrived, and the weak perished, and Dazai had no intention of being the latter. He had clawed his way to the top, relying on his wits, cunning, and sheer determination to overcome every obstacle in his path.

Amidst the chaos of his surroundings, a familiar face caught his eye, pulling him from his thoughts. It was her, his little pupil whom he had taken in along with Akutagawa years ago. However, the woman standing before him was a far cry from the timid, scared girl he had once tried to train. Back then, she was a scaredy-cat, a fragile little mouse in a den of lions, who would pass out at the mere sight of blood. Dazai had practically given up on her, considering either passing her along to someone who would take care of her or putting her out of her misery himself. He doubted she could survive in the mafia or even make it on her own outside of it.

He remembered the countless hours he had spent trying to toughen her up, to mold her into someone who could withstand the brutal realities of their world. But no matter how hard he pushed, she seemed to retreat further into herself, her wide eyes filled with a terror that never quite seemed to fade. It was as if she was too pure, too innocent for the life they led, and Dazai had resigned himself to the fact that she would never be cut out for it.

Ultimately, Dazai had left the mafia shortly after, without having to make that decision. He had never given her much thought after that, assuming that she had either found her way to a safer, more peaceful existence or had met a grim fate at the hands of the unforgiving underworld. But now, seeing her here, he realized just how wrong he had been.

The scene before him was a bloodbath, with dozens of dead and mutilated bodies scattered at his feet. The air was thick with the coppery scent of blood and the acrid smell of gunpowder, a symphony of death and destruction that would have made even the most hardened criminals recoil in horror. And yet, there she stood, in the middle of it all, idly wiping her gun clean before holstering it with a nonchalant air, as if this was just another day at the office.

As she lifted her head, her face was indifferent and devoid of emotion, a stark contrast to the carnage that surrounded her. She raised her hand in a small, casual wave, as if greeting an old acquaintance. "Oh. Hey, Dazai-san." Her voice was flat, almost bored, and it sent a chill down Dazai's spine. There was no mistaking it; this was definitely her, but not the her he had once known.

Dazai found himself gaping as she coldly stepped over the bodies, making her way past him with a pat on his shoulder, as if he hadn't been sent there to detain her. For a moment, he was too stunned to react, his mind struggling to reconcile the girl from his memories with the ruthless killer that now stood before him. But then, on an impulse, he grabbed her wrist and tugged her forward, finally regaining his composure. "My, how you've grown, my little flower. I didn't think you'd even make it into your twenties."

"I'm... eighteen, Dazai-san," she replied, her voice flat and matter-of-fact. There was no trace of the timid, stammering girl he had once known, no hint of the fear that had once consumed her. Instead, there was a coldness in her eyes, a hardness that spoke of a life filled with pain and suffering.

"Right, right." He paused for a moment, his mind racing. Why had he stopped her? What did he want to say? A thousand questions burned on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn't seem to find the words. Finally, he settled on the one thing that felt safe, the one thing that might give him a chance to unravel the mystery of the woman standing before him. "Wanna grab a drink with me?"

The words tumbled out of his mouth before he could stop them, hanging in the air between them like a lifeline. Maybe it was second nature for him to ask any beautiful woman out on a date, or perhaps he hoped to unravel the mystery of his once-hopeless pupil's transformation. Either way, he found himself holding his breath, waiting for her response.

He watched as she stared at him blankly for a couple of minutes, her expression unreadable. It was as if she was weighing her options, trying to decide whether he was worth her time. Finally, she nodded. "Sure."

And with that, the two set off, leaving the carnage behind them. As they walked, Dazai couldn't help but wonder what had happened to the girl he once knew, and what had shaped her into the woman she was today. He had a feeling that this drink would be the start of a very interesting conversation, one that might just challenge his long-held beliefs about fate and the paths we choose.

But more than that, he found himself curious about her, about the life she had led since he had last seen her. What had driven her to become so ruthless, so cold? What had she seen, what had she experienced that had hardened her heart and turned her into a killer? And why, despite everything, did he find himself drawn to her, to the mystery and the danger that seemed to surround her like a cloak?

As they made their way to the nearest bar, Dazai couldn't shake the feeling that this was more than just a chance encounter. Maybe, just maybe, there was something more at play here, some invisible force that had brought them together after all these years. And while he still didn't believe in fate, he couldn't deny the sense of anticipation that thrummed through his veins, the feeling that something big was about to happen.

For now, though, he would focus on the present, on the woman walking beside him and the secrets she held. He would buy her that drink and see where the night took them, and maybe, just maybe, he would find the answers he was looking for. Or perhaps he would simply find himself drawn deeper into the web of mystery and intrigue that seemed to surround her, a willing participant in a game he didn't yet understand.

They settled into a booth, ordering drinks and making small talk. But as the alcohol flowed and inhibitions lowered, the conversation took a deeper, more personal turn. She began to open up, sharing glimpses of the life she'd led since he left the mafia - the struggles, the triumphs, the choices that had shaped her into the person she was today.

Dazai found himself drawn in, captivated by her every word. There was a magnetism about her, a sense of danger and mystery that called to something deep within him. As the night wore on and the drinks kept coming, the air between them grew charged with a palpable electricity.

Perhaps it was the alcohol coursing through their veins, or the weight of the secrets they'd shared, but at some point they found themselves stumbling out of the bar, hailing a taxi to Dazai's apartment. The ride passed in a blur of heated glances and barely restrained touches, the anticipation building with every passing block.

As they stumbled into Dazai's apartment, the tension that had been building between them all night finally reached its breaking point. Dazai's eyes roamed hungrily over her figure, drinking in every curve and contour that had been hidden beneath her clothes.

She had grown into a stunning woman, a far cry from the scrawny girl he'd once known. Her body was lean and toned, honed by years of training and combat. But there was a softness to her too, a feminine grace that made his fingers itch to explore every inch of her smooth, supple skin.

She seemed oblivious to his heated gaze, too focused on removing her jacket and shoes. Dazai took the opportunity to admire the way her shirt clung to her breasts, the swell of her hips in her tight jeans. He could practically feel the warmth radiating off her, beckoning him closer.

Unable to resist any longer, Dazai closed the distance between them in two quick strides. His hands found her waist, pulling her flush against him as his lips sought hers in a searing kiss. She let out a small gasp of surprise before melting into him, her arms coming up to wind around his neck.

The kiss quickly turned heated, Dazai's tongue delving into her mouth to tangle with hers. His hands slid lower, cupping her rear and pressing her closer still. He could feel every inch of her body against his, supple curves and firm muscle setting his blood on fire.

Breaking away from her lips, Dazai trailed kisses along her jaw, down the column of her throat. She let out a breathy moan, her head falling back to grant him better access. The sound shot straight to his groin, his already painfully hard cock throbbing in the confines of his pants.

Impatient to feel her skin on his, Dazai tugged at the hem of her shirt, yanking it over her head and tossing it aside. His eyes immediately fell to her breasts, encased in a lacy bra that made his mouth water. Reverently, he traced a finger along the edge of the delicate fabric, marveling at the contrast against her skin.

She shivered under his touch, her nipples pebbling against the thin material. Dazai couldn't resist dipping his head, placing an open-mouthed kiss to the swell of her breast. She gasped, her fingers tangling in his hair as he laved attention on the sensitive flesh.

Growling low in his throat, Dazai reached behind her to unhook her bra, letting it fall away. Her breasts spilled free, perfect handfuls topped with rosy peaks that just begged for his touch. He obliged immediately, palming the soft mounds and rolling her nipples between his fingers until she was arching into his touch, little mewls of pleasure escaping her kiss-swollen lips.

Lost in a haze of lust, Dazai walked them backwards towards the bedroom, unwilling to stop his exploration of her incredible body. They fell onto the bed in a tangle of limbs, hands roaming and mouths fused as they frantically removed the rest of their clothing.

And then she was laid out before him like a feast, miles of creamy skin and toned limbs, a flush of arousal painting her from head to toe. Dazai took a moment to just look at her, to marvel at the absolute perfection of her form. She was a goddess, a siren, and he wanted nothing more than to worship at her altar for the rest of his days.

Starting at her ankle, Dazai began to map her body with his hands and mouth, determined to learn every dip and curve, to catalogue every spot that made her gasp and moan. He kissed his way up her legs, nipping at her inner thighs until she was writhing beneath him, begging for more. He laved attention on her breasts, sucking and biting until she was a keening mess.

By the time he finally settled between her thighs, she was dripping with need, her hips canting up in search of friction. And as he finally placed his mouth on her pussy and tasted her, as he felt her shatter apart under his skilled touch, Dazai knew that he would never be the same. She had ruined him for all other women, had branded herself on his very soul.

And as he slid into her tight, welcoming cunt, as he lost himself in the slick slide of their bodies moving as one, Dazai couldn't find it in himself to care. Let the world burn, let fate do as it willed. In this moment, in her arms, he was exactly where he was meant to be.

[bonchobrick]

tw: slight suicidal actions (but not really the batfam are wildly clueless to the actual context to danny's bullshit hes not suicidal--in this fic--he's dead get it RIGHT brucie)

Au where Batfam are entirely convinced that the new vigilante in Gotham, danny, has time travel powers because he can vanish away from their senses completely

This becomes a problem however when 

Bruce searches for him because wants to save Jason. Danny can save Jason not in the--im a time traveler and i can bring him or you back from or to the past--but in the, I’m a ghost king and have domain over the dead haha

Batfam become really concerned watching Phantom fight because “if he has time travel powers why doesn’t he avoid getting hit every time he can” and get worried phantom is purposefully letting himself get hurt

Danny in all honesty is just vibin the entire time while the batfam is going crazy at every sliver of info they get about danny because like

okay hes a time traveler thats established they got over that

This guy whos somehow been able to stop and rehabilitate rouges (ghosts) in his town is 15??

he may be the kindest most self destructive kid they've ever met like who immediately agrees to help people who were trying to capture and interogate him because he 'thinks we are better than the last billionaire who did this' what the FUCK

Oh yeah and they find out as a bonus in the end that his normal unpowered form he is a teen with black hair and blue eyes (bruce no no dont do it dont--)

---

Bruce is losing his mind

Okay so at the start of this there’s an unknown vigilante (danny) that Batman tends to bump into. Except Batman isn’t sure what he is.

Every time they run into each other Batman can tell there should just be a person beside him but before he gets a glimpse and opens his eyes to empty fresh air.

A vigilante that can vanish before their very eyes?

What do the bats think about this?

They think this vigilante can control time and is doing that to sneak out of their gaze.

Now here’s where the funny part comes in

Bruce goes on a wild hunt to search for the vigilante with a plan. To make them turn back time so that he can save his son.

The problem with this?

Danny is not a time traveler most days–scratch that he's not one at all. He can save his son Jason though, in fact he wants to, it’s just he needs to figure out a way to do this whilst not blowing his cover that he is the goddamn ghost king.

So he pretends that he does have time powers and that he just… uh… needs a minute to figure them out… yeah that!

Cue Batfam getting progressively more worried about Danny because ‘if he could turn back time—why doesn’t he avoid those hits?’

They all kinda think Danny is like purposefully hurting himself so now Danny is forced to eat breakfast with them and sleep at their manor.  I mean he’s confused at why they always look so worried about something but he’ll make sure Batman’s son gets home soon! Plus the rich people temporary-living-situation without all the ‘I want to adopt you’ billionaire bullshit is pretty sweet!!

(somewhere in the ghost zone jason is tearing up laughing at the batfam as they struggle to not burst into flames trying to figure out danny-- like for christs sake they think the ghost king is an american doctor who and are trying to get him to spill where his tardis is)

[ssivinee]

✧Mindless✧

Part 1 | Part 2

<Part 2 of Wounded Heart, so i suggest you read that first>

BEBE! Bada Lee x F Reader x WOLF'LO Haechi Wang: Bada is a wreck after you leave, but you return after 5 months, thriving in life. But will history repeat itself, or do you finally get a happy ending?

Word Count: 13k

TW: Slight self-harm, a tad bit of dark humor, talks about bad coping habits, alcohol, and minor substances…this shit is lowkey toxic so pls keep that in mind

Note: NOW THIS IS THE LONGEST FIC IVE WROTE. I was struggling, ya'll like... this fic was literally beating my ass ngl. Also very much NOT proof read so🫡

Character Vision Board

During the five months you were gone, Bada's life took a turn. The emptiness you left behind seemed to grow with each passing day, and Bada's coping mechanisms gradually evolved into destructive habits that affected both herself and those in her vicinity.

She had turned to partying as a way to seek comfort in the late-night thrills of the bustling nightlife. The party's vibrant pulse, illuminated by the bewitching effects of flashing lights, offered a getaway from the burdens that had weighed heavily on her heart. The pounding music reverberated through the very core of her being, and the crowded venue seemed to come alive with a symphony of rhythm and laughter.

In the midst of the party, surrounded by a sea of euphoric faces, she found a temporary sanctuary from the guilt and loneliness that had taken up residence in her thoughts. The mesmerizing allure of the night, with its vibrant hues and ever-changing moods, offered a hypnotic diversion from the shadows of her mind.

Bada had always been known for her confident and charismatic demeanor, and it didn't take long for her magnetic presence to draw people toward her. Her laughter and animated conversations became a magnet, attracting friends and acquaintances who reveled in her engaging company. It was in these moments, under the neon glow of the dance floor, that she felt the warmth of human connection, a fleeting escape from her inner demons.

As the weeks passed, these gatherings became integral to her life. She eagerly embraced the nightlife almost every week, embracing its vibrant chaos as a temporary reprieve. The party had become a form of therapy, a way to momentarily set aside the harsh realities that lingered in the corners of her mind. Each night was a journey into the unknown, a whirlwind of emotions and experiences that helped her navigate the complexities of her own heart.

In her search for distraction, Bada played around with other girls more than before. Every day was someone new, and now, rather than having restraint, Bada’s actions became much more lewd. There were times students found the girl making out with someone in the cleaning closets, basically fucking someone in a bathroom stall, or even just daringly flirting with multiple people at once. She has always had a reputation as a player, and her charm seemed to work effortlessly despite her looming issues. 

Her transformation extended even to her role as a team leader. Bada's once compassionate and encouraging approach had given way to a more unyielding demeanor. She drove her team relentlessly, pushing them beyond their limits, her singular focus on anything but the troubling discomfort of longing that constantly haunted her thoughts.

Previously known for her unwavering dedication and passionate presence on the court, her leadership had evolved into a coping mechanism. During practice, her commands took on a sharper edge. "Come on, you guys! This isn't kindergarten; we need to get serious!" she'd bark, her words laced with an intensity that surprised her teammates.

Haechi, the team's co-captain and a close friend decided to address the issue after an especially grueling practice. She knew the actual reason behind Bada's changed behavior, but the team dynamics were profoundly impacted, and Haechi wasn't sure if it was her place to intervene. The situation was complicated because she was also personally involved and intimately understood the extent of everything.

Haechi approached Bada, her concern evident in her gaze. "Bada, you've been really hard on us lately. What's going on?" Bada's expression hardened as she grappled with her facade, struggling to keep her emotions at bay. "We need to win. I can't have any weak links on this team."

Haechi exchanged worried glances with the others. They sensed that Bada's intensity was driven by something far deeper than just the desire to win games, and it left them with a nagging sense of unease as they continued to practice under their unrelenting captain's leadership.

But each new fling, party, and quarrel only served as a fleeting distraction, never filling the void you had left behind.

There were late nights when she was alone in her room, and Bada would suffer about the facts. She missed you terribly. She missed your laughter, conversations, and the warmth you brought into her life. She yearned for the comfort and companionship of your friendship. As she lay in the darkness, the pain of her betrayal weighed heavily on her conscience. ‘I hurt the one person who truly cared about me. Am I just that stupid?’ she would silently admit.

These moments of reflection ate away at her, and she couldn't help but wonder how different things might have been if she hadn't let her fear and insecurities drive a wedge between you two.

Bada appeared on a desperate quest to bury the pain that still raced through her heart. With every beat, she felt the gaping void left by the absence of the most vital person in her life. No amount of parties, casual flings, or wild distractions could fill the vast emptiness that you had once occupied. 

In the quietest hours of the night, when the world was still, and her thoughts were loud, she found herself secretly yearning for your return. She harbored a genuine hope, wishing for a chance to mend the bridges she had inadvertently burned. 

Amid the crisis of losing you, Bada left no stone unturned in her quest for any trace of your existence. She scoured social media platforms, meticulously searching pages and timelines for the smallest updates or any signs of your life. Every ping of a notification filled her with a blend of hope and dread. 

She texted your number, pouring her heart into each word, desperately longing for a response. The silent void on the other end of the line only deepened her despair, leaving her grappling with your absence's stark reality.

Currently, Bada couldn't claim that she was doing any better. The pain persisted, but she was perhaps a touch more subdued than she had been in the turbulent months that had preceded this moment. She carried the weight of longing and loss, hoping for a glimmer of change in her circumstances.

The Past 5 Months

Bada was spiraling out of control. Despite her attempts to cope with your absence through partying and casual encounters, her world was slowly unraveling. The parties had become a regular getaway. Late nights turned into early mornings filled with pure adrenaline and blackouts. It was all a blur, a haze that she thought helped heal her pain but left her feeling emptier each time she woke up.

She especially enjoyed Noze’s parties, though, one of the few friends who enjoyed this new version of her. Noze ensured Bada enjoyed every night, letting her drink several liquor bottles, familiarizing Bada with weed, and introducing new girls to her. But, as one friend condoned the changes, the other three started worrying about their friend.

"Bada, maybe you should consider slowing down with the parties," Lee Jung gently suggested, concerned for her friend's well-being. The suggestion arose from the remnants of a bet they had made together, which had unintentionally caused a heated argument within their close-knit friend group. 

In the aftermath of the dispute, Bada had initially pointed fingers and placed blame on her friends, especially Lee Jung, for an entire month. However, deep down, she couldn't maintain her anger. She recognized that her resentment toward them was irrational, as she was equally at fault for the situation. 

Following the resolution of the argument, Bada's demeanor began to take a more concerning turn. Her attitude deteriorated, and she became increasingly prone to conflicts and confrontations. She seemed to lash out at anyone she deemed inferior or who challenged her in any way. The charming charisma she once exuded had now given way to an intimidating aura that, paradoxically, seemed to repel people while simultaneously drawing them in. It was as if the inner turmoil she had been grappling with was spilling over into her interactions with others, casting a shadow on her once-magnetic presence. The turmoil was like a cloud that had descended upon her, tainting the dynamics of her friendships and her personal life.

The fights were always something small that triggered the tall girl. An example of this was on a random afternoon in the university courtyard, where students gathered to relax, study, or socialize. Bada Lee, was sitting at an outdoor table, poring over her textbooks, trying to concentrate on her studies.

As she engrossed herself in her phone, a student from a nearby table accidentally bumped into her chair while walking past. The minor collision sent her drink rolling off the table and onto the ground. Irritated, Bada muttered under her breath, "Watch where you're going, you klutz."

The student, a young man with an apologetic expression, turned and said, "I'm really sorry about that. It was an accident."

Bada, however, was in no mood to accept an apology. Her hot-headedness had been consuming her patience, and she snapped back, "Accident or not, you should be more careful! My stuff is important, and now I have to pick up my pen because of your clumsiness."

The exchange had caught the attention of nearby students, who were now watching the situation unfold. The student, taken aback by Bada's harsh words, knelt to pick up the bottled drink and handed it to her, saying, "I said I was sorry. You didn't have to be so rude about it." Bada's temper flared. She aggressively snatched the drink from the boy’s hand and retorted, "Well, maybe if you were paying attention, you wouldn't keep causing problems for others!" She tells him as her pointer and middle finger jabbed continuously on his shoulder.

The pressure in the courtyard grew as other students exchanged uneasy glances. The situation escalated further as the young man, frustrated with Bada's attitude, replied, "I apologized, and I tried to help. You need to work on your manners." Bada's face reddened with anger. She pushed her books aside and stood up abruptly, causing her chair to screech loudly across the courtyard. "You have a lot of nerve, talking to me like that," she hissed.

The situation had escalated into an unnecessary confrontation, with both students locked in a heated exchange, their voices rising as they continued to argue. Bada's hot-headed attitude had once again ignited an incident, leaving the courtyard filled with an uncomfortable tension.

Even the bond between Bada and her parents had taken a sharp downturn, despite already not having the best relationship with them.That time of her life had become a persistent strain that weighed heavily on their family life.

Bada had moments where she believed she was making progress, her determination shining through, but these fleeting glimpses of improvement couldn't dispel the ongoing tension that seemed to permeate their household. The atmosphere was saturated with unresolved conflicts and unspoken words, casting a shadow over what was once a warm and harmonious home.

Bada's behavior had become increasingly reckless, mirroring her inner turmoil and frustrations. This recklessness was like a quiet storm, slowly but surely eroding the fragile remnants of understanding that had been left between her and her parents. They were beginning to contemplate a difficult decision, one that had seemed unimaginable before the possibility of sending her away in an attempt to restore peace and find a solution to the growing discord within their family.

As for her interactions with other girls, they had become a simple distraction, like they originally were. Bada had always been known as a player, but now it was as if she was desperately searching for someone to help her heal. She sought comfort in others' company but found none, just an easy quickie to get away, even for a moment.

In the days following your departure, Bada made genuine attempts to focus on her studies. She recognized the importance of maintaining her grades, but being separated from you posed a significant challenge. At times, she found herself gazing at her textbooks, her mind drifting back to the memories of your study sessions and shared laughter.

One day, unable to bear the weight of her emotions any longer, Bada decided to text you. She had thought long and hard about what to say, her fingers hesitating over the keyboard. Finally, she just goes for it.

Bada Hey, it's Bada. I know I messed up. I miss you.  Everything's been messing with my head.

But as the hours passed without a response from you, Bada felt her resolve waver. She thought, ‘Maybe I can't fix this,’ and gave in to her old school habits, falling back into familiar behavior patterns.

The days turned into weeks, and Bada's life continued to spiral. She had lost her way, and there was a growing sense of desperation in her actions. She longed for a chance to make amends, to rebuild the friendship she had thoughtlessly destroyed. But as time marched on, she couldn't help but wonder if it was too late to find her way back to the person she used to be.

After 5 Months

Bada's friends gathered around a cafeteria table, the lively buzz of their fellow students providing the background noise. Bada herself was engrossed in messaging a casual acquaintance, and her friends munched on snacks while discussing their upcoming schedules.

"Dude, next week's soccer game is about to kick our asses. The other team's record is still 13-0, like how do we even beat that?" Aiki groaned, capturing everyone's attention.

Emma responded with a nonchalant shrug, and Noze tapped her shoulder beside Lee Jung. "What about Bada’s basketball game next week?"

While all this unfolded, Bada remained busy in the bathroom with another girl, completely oblivious to what had transpired. Noze was about to turn to Lee Jung to discuss an impending assignment when her attention abruptly shifted to the entrance, where three unfamiliar girls entered with unwavering confidence.

Aiki's astonishment caught everyone's interest, and they looked up to see the three girls striding in with remarkable self-assurance.

As she left the restroom, her hair and clothes disheveled, she witnessed an unexpected sight. Her eyes widened in shock as she caught sight of the three of you. Overwhelmed, she whispered your name, staring at your transformed appearance. "Y/n?" Bada murmured to herself, her eyes locked on you. Noze hurried over to Bada, commenting, "Dude, they’re so fine, especially the one in the middle." Bada was too stunned to reply as she watched you three walk deeper into the cafeteria.

You returned to Korea with Aeri and Yunjin in tow. It was your decision because the American girls believed the school would be a great fit for them, and they were planning to move back to Korea. Little did you know this new trio would change things and create a strong force.

Together, you, Aeri, and Yunjin formed a unique bond even while still in the States. You were like a powerhouse trio, supporting and challenging each other in ways that brought out the best in everyone. Your friendship had strengthened during your time abroad, and now, you were ready to face new challenges at your old school. These girls became your rock while you had to work through your grueling internship, and they even helped you with this new version of yourself. The girls wanted to upgrade your wardrobe, enhance your confidence, and help with a new style of makeup. 

And god, did it make you look even more stunning than Bada remembered.

Stepping onto the bustling campus, you couldn't help but notice the sneaking glances and hushed whispers from Bada's circle of friends. They had undeniably heard about how the bet had concluded, though the full extent of the details remained a mystery to them. Their curiosity grew as they observed your confident demeanor, even though your identity remained a puzzle.

Yet, what struck Bada the most was the remarkable transformation in your appearance. Your once raven-black hair had morphed into a striking shade of blood-red, a bold statement that spoke of change. Your choice of clothing had evolved as well, embracing a more revealing style that mirrored a newfound confidence. This transformation left Bada in awe; she had anticipated changes, but the extent of it was astonishing.

At first, Bada harbored a glimmer of hope about mending the rift between you two, but her optimism waned as she observed your interaction with Haechi. A bright smile and a warm hug welcomed Haechi, revealing the depth of your connection. As you introduced Haechi to your friends, it became apparent that she held a significant place in your life during your time away. Deep down, a twinge of jealousy tugged at Bada's heart, though she tried to bury the feeling beneath a veneer of composure.

You walked into the English classroom alone, the absence of Aeri and Yunjin making you feel somewhat vulnerable amidst the sea of unfamiliar faces. The start of the new semester had brought about an unexpected twist of fate as it placed you, Bada, and Haechi in the same class. This class, in particular, was known for its emphasis on discussion and interaction, making it clear that interactions were about to become an inevitable part of your academic routine. The universe seemed to conspire to bring you all together once more, forcing you to confront the past and navigate the complexities of your shared history.

The atmosphere in the room was palpable, heavy with unspoken tensions. Bada's friends cast cautious glances in your direction, their expressions mixing curiosity and sympathy for their friend. As for you, the mere sight of Bada back in your life once more stirred a whirlwind of emotions within you. Her pleading gaze met yours, and in response, you turned your eyes away with a subtle scoff, a barrier between your feelings and the present moment.

Haechi, seated beside an empty chair, motioned for you to join her. She extended a warm smile and offered you a cup of coffee, a comforting gesture that eased some of the room's tension. "Thanks, Haechi," you said, taking the coffee and settling into the seat beside her. She responded with a gentle pat on your thigh, her concern evident in her gaze. "You okay?" Haechi asked, her voice laced with genuine care. You met her gaze, offering a reassuring but restrained smile. "I'm good, don't worry about it, okay?" Haechi fell into a thoughtful silence, her fingers brushing your arm gently. "Let me know if you ever need anything. You know I'm always here for you," she offered, her sincerity shining through. Encouraged by her words, you ran your fingers through her hair, your lips curving softly. "I know, Haechi."

Throughout the interaction, Bada observed in silence, fueled with mixed emotions. She knew she had no right to be angry, yet an undeniable sense of jealousy crept into her heart as she watched you stare at Haechi with eyes of care. While you were away, Bada and Haechi remained cordial, never bringing up you or the day you left, but that hindered the way they worked on the court and even as friends. Haechi got much more secretive, and Bada never knew why. 

Yes, they had a falling out, and Bada knew their friendship wouldn’t be the same as before, but this drastic change caught her off guard. Unbeknownst to Bada, Haechi was hiding the fact that she had been keeping up with you on social media, even chatting with you often, even in completely different time zones. Haechi had seen the new friends who had entered your life, especially Yunjin and Aeri, who seemed to be helping you navigate the tough times. She knew of your progress and the support system you had built, but she had chosen not to share this information with Bada, especially seeing how Bada had relapsed because of the situation.

The professor introduced you to the class since you joined a bit late. "Our next unit is about writing on feelings. It's a broad topic. I'll go around, and when I point at you, share what you'd write about based on your current feelings and why." He pointed at random students; most mentioned common emotions like happiness or stress.

The atmosphere in the classroom shifted when it was Haechi's turn to respond. The professor's question hung in the air, waiting to be answered. "What about you, Miss Wang? How are you feeling right now?" Haechi paused for a moment, a thoughtful look in her eyes. "I'd say it's as simple as being... in love?"

Her words caught both Bada and you by surprise. An unspoken curiosity lingered in the room, leaving everyone to wonder: Who was she in love with?

The professor noted her hesitation and probed further, "You don't seem entirely sure, Miss Wang." Haechi chuckled softly. "I said it's simple, but it's not quite there yet."

He continued, "So, a crush?" Haechi nodded, her gaze drifting toward you as you busily responded to messages on your phone. The professor moved on to the next student.

"Miss Lee, how about you?" Bada fidgeted nervously with her hands, the unease evident in her expression. Sharing her feelings in front of the class was an intimidating prospect. "Regret," she mumbled, glancing at you as she spoke. Her friends offered silent support, patting her back, understanding that Bada was navigating her own unique journey of coping with pain. 

"Why regret?" the professor inquired.

"I messed up," Bada admitted straightforwardly, giving a quick, almost reassuring nod as if she needed to affirm her words. A moment of silence followed before the professor decided to move on to the next student. "Miss Baek?"

Your head shot up, and you hesitated, keenly aware of the emotional weight of the responses that had come before yours. "Maybe 'endeavoring'?" you suggested, your voice quivering slightly. The professor encouraged you to elaborate, and you fidgeted uncomfortably in your seat as you opened up.

"I'm trying hard to become a newer and better version of myself. A version that's less naive," you confessed, revealing your vulnerability. Your response hung in the air, leaving you feeling exposed as you anticipated the inevitable questions and curiosity surrounding your pursuit of self-improvement.

In the following group discussions and class activities, you, Bada, and Haechi found yourselves being forced to engage with each other at certain times. The moments were filled with silent tension, unspoken words, and lingering gazes hinting at your unresolved feelings.

It was strange to you. You weren’t unaware of emotions and how they worked, but you should’ve been raging at the girl, even if she tried apologizing. Yet there was no denying the complicated web of emotions surrounding you and Bada. The past couldn't be erased, and the future remained uncertain, but one thing was clear: your reunion had brought new challenges into your lives. It left Bada wondering if there was still a chance for her to make amends and rebuild the friendship she had so thoughtlessly shattered, but she had to find a way to make it up to you. 

Even if it was just for the sake of her own mental.

In the weeks following your return, Bada couldn’t find any chance to be near you. At least you didn’t give her the chance to. If you were with your friends, you’d stray away from them. If you were with Haechi, you acted cuddly and somewhat flirtatious with her. If you were in class, you focused on every assignment. So Bada felt like she couldn’t butt in anywhere.

Bada did discover something she wasn’t too happy about. Haechi had been in contact with you while you were away, something Bada had not expected. She overheard her co-captain speaking to other girls on the team, as they seemed interested in your friendship. “So you're telling me, Baek Y/n, was the top student? The one who sat in the back of class and always wore a mask and hoodie?” Haechi nods at the question. “We just texted and called a lot while she was gone. I wanted to make sure she was okay, you know?” Jealousy gnawed at Bada as she wondered about the nature of your conversations and the connection that had persisted between you and Haechi.

You sat on a garden bench on a regular Thursday evening, chatting with Aeri and Yunjin. The conversation revolved around some gossip about friends back in the States. Aeri, still engrossed in her phone, asked, "Did Sarah spill the beans about her boyfriend?" Her eyes remained glued to her phone screen as she typed away.

Both you and Yunjin exchanged knowing glances, sensing some juicy details were about to be revealed. Without hesitation, you and Yunjin pulled out your own phones and began frantically scrolling through social media, eager to uncover the latest scoop. Yunjin chimed in, playfully groaning, "Well, can you tell us while we look? You're making us curious." Aeri observed the two of you with a smirk, "You two are like detectives when it comes to gossip."

Aeri revealed, "She said she found him hooking up with one of the girls from her group project." Her revelation earned a collective scoff from you and Yunjin. "Some people are just pigs," you grumbled, clearly not impressed by Sarah's boyfriend's behavior. The other girls nodded in agreement, sensing your irritation and not pressing further on your personal tone.

Just then, Haechi made her way to your group, catching you in the midst of your gossip and relaxation. "Hello, ladies," she greeted, waving at all three of you, though her eyes lingered on you a bit longer. You welcomed her with a warm hug, "What’s up?"

Haechi smiled and replied, "I was actually looking for you guys. I’m hosting a party tomorrow at my family’s townhouse and was hoping you three would come?" Her hopeful eyes rested on all of you, but the emphasis seemed to be on you.

You gladly accepted her invitation, "Of course, Haech. Just send me the details."

As you confirmed your attendance, she swiftly took out her phone to share the information. "I’ll see you later in class, alright?" You nodded as Haechi exited, and as she walked away, Aeri couldn't contain her excitement. She playfully shook your shoulders, causing you to laugh. "She’s so into you, girl."

Yunjin chuckled at the interaction and said, "Yeah, it's pretty obvious." You couldn't help but roll your eyes at their teasing, a subtle smile gracing your lips. "Oh, come on, you two. She's just being friendly." Aeri and Yunjin exchanged knowing glances before bursting into laughter, clearly not buying your innocent act.

The next day, the three of you prepared for the party in your cozy apartment. The morning sun streamed through the curtains, casting a warm glow on the room. The sound of upbeat music reverberated through the space, filling the entire house with an infectious energy.

As you and your friends got ready, the atmosphere was charged with excitement. You stood in front of the open closet, selecting from several outfits that were carefully hung and arranged by color and style. After trying on a few options, you settled on a simple yet stunning black dress. It was made mostly of mesh, which added an alluring and stylish touch to your ensemble. The dress clung to your curves in just the right places, making you feel confident and radiant.

Aeri, the makeup enthusiast of the group, took charge of your makeup. She wouldn't stop pestering you until you reluctantly agreed to let her work her magic. As she skillfully applied makeup, you couldn't help but glance at your reflection in the mirror. You had to admit, she had transformed your look, enhancing your features and giving you a sultry, glamorous appeal. It was a look that could turn heads and make a lasting impression.

With your hair styled and makeup perfected, you felt ready to take on the night. Once you were all dressed and glamorously prepared, you left the apartment, the pounding music fading behind you.

Arriving at Haechi's large townhouse, you were met with an electric atmosphere. The lights and music created an ambiance of celebration, and the chatter of excited partygoers filled the air. You took out your phone and texted Haechi to let her know that you had arrived. In no time, she responded, instructing you to head to the pool area where she and her friends were hanging out. The anticipation in the air was notable, and you were more than ready to join the party.

Navigating through the sweaty, inebriated bodies in the crowded house, Bada's sharp eyes caught a glimpse of your fiery red hair. The instant she spotted you, her heart leaped, and an overwhelming desire to be by your side surged within her. However, the maze of partygoers and the deafening music made it nearly impossible for her to pinpoint the perfect moment to approach you.

As you, Aeri, and Yunjin finally made your way to the backyard, transitioning from the bustling house to the open air was a breath of fresh relief. The chaotic, pulsating energy of the indoor party gave way to a serene yet lively outdoor setting. The atmosphere was alive with laughter, chatter, and the glistening reflections of the pool.

Your eyes quickly sought out Haechi's figure, who was seated by the poolside, surrounded by familiar classmates and friends who were engaged in animated conversations. Her presence exuded a tempting charm, drawing you in like a bee to honey.

When she sensed your gaze, the tension between you and Haechi was palpable, thickening the air around you. Her teeth tugged seductively on her lips, and her captivating gaze remained unwaveringly fixed on your body. Haechi was clearly reveling in the sight before her, the intensity of her emotions mirrored in her smoldering eyes, creating an electric connection between the two of you.

“I’m glad you could make it,” she tells you, sipping on a red solo cup, likely filled with alcohol. “I wouldn’t miss your party, Haech,” you simply tell her, as your friends already mingled away to the table filled with drinks. “You want anything?”

“Some plain soju would be nice,” she nods at you, pulls you over to the table, and pours you a cup. “You look good, Y/n-nie,” her husky voice almost seemed to purr when complimenting you. A coy smile forms on your lips, your gaze becoming dangerously enticing, “I can say the same thing about you,” you tell her as you take a sip of the soju, feeling your body heating up due to just one taste of the drink.

“I’ve been wanting to ask about the English assignment, by the way?” Your brow raises, “You’re talking about an assignment? During a party?” You giggle at her antics, but her seductive eyes stay on yours, “I was hoping for a private lesson.” You feel the shiver down your back, her voice getting deeper as she continues.

“I’m sure I can help you in some way, too,” you feel your body heating up even more. “We can work something out,” you say as your hand caresses her arm, feeling up the sleeve of her letterman jacket. Haechi was now liking this new feeling you’ve brought upon her, deciding to make a move. The music starts booming on the speakers, and the taller girl smirks at the sound, “Wanna go dance?”

With a sly smile, you returned her reply, "Of course." Navigating your way through the pulsating crowd, the sensual rhythm of the music reverberated through the entire house.

As you and Haechi swayed your bodies in harmony to the seductive beat, an undeniable magnetic pull drew you closer. The atmosphere was charged with noticeable sexual tension as your bodies moved, grinding in a rhythm that left no space between you. The vibration from the speakers had the two of you feeling the dizziness from the heated moment. Haechi's long arms enveloped your hips in a firm, possessive embrace. Her fingers, gripping strong, found their place on your thighs, the touch being electrifying, signaling anticipation from you. 

The chemistry between you two was igniting a fire that had been fuming beneath the surface for months, leaving bystanders feeling the heat of your connection. 

Meanwhile, Bada watched in the corner of the room. She noticed you walking in as Haechi gripped your wrist, visibly feeling disgusted at the sight of you two getting up close and personal. She couldn't help but notice the spark between you and Haechi, and her jealousy was beginning to get the best of her again. In a misguided attempt to put an end to her emotions, she saw the same blonde girl you had found her with that one night after the basketball game. It was wrong, sure, but if anyone learned ANYTHING about Bada - she didn’t know how to control her emotions properly. Bada had pulled the blonde to the dance floor, making sure you could see them as the tall girl’s hands roamed all over her body. 

Your eyes met hers for the first time since you got here, and it felt as if your entire world was crumbling again. You wanted to deny the feelings, not try to feel weak, vulnerable, or stupid over the girl, yet you couldn’t help it. Bada may have felt like she was the only one changing, but she was also helping you.

So when you saw the same girl that day, you felt hurt and betrayed again. You almost didn’t even remember Haechi’s presence behind you, only being alerted again as you felt her chest beating. Feeling the weight of Bada’s actions, you tried to escape the dance floor, finding an excuse. “Let me go get a drink and use the bathroom!” You yell over the loud music, and Haechi nods. 

You stumbled into the kitchen, grabbing any bottle at hand, pouring a cup to the top, and gulping it down to numb the pain and confusion that had enveloped you. The fiery burn in your chest and the swirling dizziness offered a brief respite from the shit show happening in the other room. Even though you knew it was wrong to punish yourself this way seemingly, your mind whispered that perhaps it was time to let loose, to indulge in a bit of naughtiness, for reasons you weren't entirely sure of. All that mattered in that moment was making this night count, no matter the consequences.

When your mind was made up, you quickly went to the living room, finding Haechi again, leaning on the wall with a clear flush all over her body. ‘She was drunk,’ the thought made your next decision easier.

You pulled her arm to the corner of the room, where a couch could be seen, and pushed her down. Haechi was shocked but relaxed as you straddled her, getting comfortable on your lap. Her eyes travel down to the ends of your dress as it rode up your thighs due to them being spaced out by her legs. She placed her hands under your thighs, keeping you balanced as you leaned closer to her.

Your eyes traveled to her lips as your hand pressed on her waist, “Is it bad if I really wanted to kiss you right now?” You mumble in her ear, nibbling lightly, and Haechi’s mind is going feral at the feeling of your breath tickling her skin. She impulsively pulls your chin with her long fingers, lips crashing down on yours. The feeling of your soft, pouty lips hooked the taller girl as she pulled on your bottom lip, wanting to feel your tongue.

So when you oblige, the swirling of your tongue around hers encourages her to wrap her arms around your waist, bringing you closer as you find your hands banding themselves around the back of her neck. The room was already hot, but sweet began to form as your body heat radiated off each other.

Without breaking the kiss, you take your jacket off swiftly and lay it beside the girl who was now gripping your waist with much force. Bada had seen you leave and knew she was successful, but her face burned in anger when she found your red hair again. She only saw your backside, but she knew what was going on with the way you were positioned and how your head was motioning. “Dude, you're killing the cup,” she heard Aiki point out and looked down to see the discombobulated red solo cup, clear liquor dripping from her fingers. “My bad,” Bada groans, finding a napkin to clean up the mess. 

Looking back up, she finds you sitting on Haechi’s lap, now to the side and laughing lightly as the tall girl whispers in your ear.

‘Oh fuck this,’ Bada just walks out of the house, not caring about her friends pleading for her. She couldn’t stand it, yet were you just gonna let her waltz back in and kiss her - it was impossible for it to be that easy. You stayed at the party for a little longer, just chatting away with everyone as Haechi stole a few kisses from you every now and then as you enjoyed the rest of your night.

Amidst the chaos of your complicated relationships with Bada and Haechi, you found solace in shopping with Aeri and Yunjin the next day. The three of you bonded over retail therapy, spilling the tea about your respective love lives and the intricacies of your feelings. So, the topic naturally turned to Bada and Haechi during your shopping spree. 

You sat on the bench with Aeri and Yunjin, trying out new clothes as you watched, already buying the clothing you picked out. “So you’re saying you made out with Haechi cause you were jealous of Blondie and Bada?” Yunjin asks, making sure she understands the situation.

“Honestly, so real,” Aeris says, encouraging your choices as usual. “I mean, I’m sure Haechi should’ve expected something like that to happen at a party without so many feelings involved,” Yunjin rationalizes, but it gets you thinking.

Did you like Haechi? Do you still like Bada? Were you over everything Bada did to you? Did the kiss mean anything? Was it just the heat of the moment? You only guessed that time could tell. It hasn’t even been a month since your return, and you already struggled to comprehend things.

Once the two girls notice your silence, Aeri snaps her fingers in front of your face, “Hello? Y/n? Still with us?” You shake your head at the teasing tone, a giggle being pushed out. “I don’t know what to feel right now, honestly,” your voice comes out soft, and the girls realize it is actually serious. “Well, do you like Ms. Wang?” Yunjin, the certified friend psychiatrist of the group, asks you, and you shrug. “I won't deny liking her company. Haechi has been with me through the months of hurt and change,” you pause, and the girls anticipate what's coming next. “But?”

You sigh, “But I can’t get that asshole Bada out of my head.” You share your conflicting emotions and the tangled web of attraction, jealousy, and unresolved history that defined your interactions with the two basketball captains.

“Is it not just physical attraction to you?” Yunjin’s question made you think that you were sure it wasn’t just physical with Bada but you with Haechi, fully knowing that she had become a safe space for you. “I don’t really think either of them are solely physical.” You groan. The thoughts started giving you a brutal headache as you sat on the chair, hanging your head low with your eyes shut.

“I don’t think anyone can blame you, girl. The entire school population loves those two girls, and it's kinda concerning especially since Bada doesn’t have the best track record with women.” Aeri points out, and you scoff, “You’re not wrong, girl, but these girls have always been like that for Bada.” More than ever, it seemed like many were vying for Bada’s attention, and it left you contemplating the complex dynamics of your relationships, now with Haechi in the picture as well. The two captivating and complex girls who had entered your life once more and would most likely cause havoc in your life.

The next week, everything was surprisingly normal. You and Haechi weren’t awkward after the steamy night, but the friendship was sure flirtier than before. Whenever she saw you the entire week, she’d kiss you on the cheek or play with your soft locks. You began to realize that Haechi’s love language was physical touch, but you never knew why it took you so long to think of that. The girl used to hug you every time she said literally hello, so it made sense.

It was now Monday morning, and you were in the cafeteria with Aeri and Yunjin, eating the fresh lunch they got. As you guys ate in peace, Haechi came up to you guys and sat at the table. “Hey, pretty,” she says as you chew your food, and she uses your finger to tilt your head up.

Your doe eyes stared at her as you chewed with chipmunk-like cheeks, and she found you quite adorable. “Haech, the table is used for eating, not your ass,” you joke, and she laughs. “What are you doing here, though? Don’t you usually eat outside in the morning?” 

“I had to come early to talk to Miss Kim today, so I decided to stop by and ask you guys if you wanna come to our basketball game at Handong University on Friday?” “Sure, what time?” Haechi checks her phone, “At 5 pm.” 

“Do we need tickets though?” Yunjin speaks up, chewing on her food. “Yeah, but don’t worry about it. If you ride with me, you can get the tickets easily and just go in with me.” You nod, “Bet, just text me your plan.”

Haechi takes her leave, and the girls begin staring at you, causing you to look at them in confusion. “What?”

“At this point, you guys should start dating already,” Aeri blurts off, and you almost choke on your food. “I’m not ready for that.” “Not ready for that, or just not with Haechi?” You paused harshly at the statement. No amount of swallowing your saliva could shake that anxious feeling off whenever talking about this question. “I don’t know,” you just roll your eyes.

After breakfast, you had to go to the student council office, still having the role of secretary. Walking into the office, you see the president and vice president talking to Bada. Trying to avoid interaction with the girl, you just walk past her, giving no attention and checking the papers you’d need for this week.

As you skimmed over everything, you began hearing the president's voice to Bada. “I don't want to hear another complaint, Bada. I’ve been doing my best to cover for you so your parents don’t have to hear anything, but this is becoming too much.” Bada huffs at the statement, assuming that you can hear everything. “I’m just saying the paperwork complaints are becoming too much. You can't just leave the school or go home to mess with a girl?” 

Hearing those words had your eyes roll hard, quickly wanting to leave the room with your piles of paper. Bada notices the irritation in your face, quickly wanting to follow you, but is being stopped by the other two students.

“We're telling you, Bada, this should be the last one, or else we will report it.” Bada could care less right now, so as they finish talking to her, she runs out of the office, looking in every direction to see if she can catch up to you. She finds you at the end of the left hallway, and her quick, long legs catch up easily.

You, on the other hand, hear the loud footsteps, letting a strong sigh out. “Y/n?” Just hearing her voice - it had your mind in a frenzy. You missed the soothing sound, and it didn’t help turning around to look at her. Due to the height difference, you were now looking up at the girl, her tense face evident as she looked at you. Bada just stood there, not really thinking about her actions.

“Anything you wanna say?” You practically whispered out. Bada was in awe of you; all she could think about was how good you looked. Your pleated red school skirt was paired with plain knee-high socks, and your white collared button-up tucked in yet slightly see-through made Bada go crazy. You weren’t so innocent yourself as you stared at the girl's luscious full lips, feeling the intensity of her stare. “Again, did you wanna say something?”

For some reason, the sorry that was at the tip of her tongue never came out, “You going to our game this week?”

If you were disappointed in the question, Bada wanted to punch herself in the face. All that build-up and tension led to this? You look at her, questioning her in your head, “Yeah, Haechi invited me so…” the silence was deafening as Bada just stood there, her brain trying to configure what to tell you. “I’ll just get going now,” you take your leave, not letting Bada get herself together.

The entire day, you found the interaction so odd. You believed your first encounter with Bada would’ve been filled with anger and raging tears, yet the two of you stood in the middle of that hallway like a deer in headlights. You shake the feeling off and just go about your busy day.

As time flew by, it was already Friday, and you were currently in Haechi’s car, sitting in the passenger seat, while your two best friends sat in the back. As Haechi drove, her hands stayed clasped on your bare thigh, as your skirt didn’t cover much. Not minding the touch, you just kept talking to the girls in the back. “You think there’s gonna be any cuties there?” Aeri questions as she applies her gloss. “I wouldn’t doubt it. Handong is known for their fine-ass students, you know,” Yunjin said with a shrug, and you giggled. “I’ve heard a lot of students there get cast as models,” you share, and Haechi looks at you suspiciously. 

“You seem excited to see them?” Haechi states, trying to hide her jealousy, yet you read her like an open book. “Why wouldn’t I be? I’m sure I’ll see some cuties there,” you tease, leaning back on the chair. Expecting a laugh from the tall girl, you were surprised to feel her grip tighten around your thigh as it slowly raised higher, laying right under the fabric of your skirt. Your body tenses at the feeling.

“Am I not enough?” Her voice sounded so innocent, yet had a daring tone lying underneath, and you could clearly tell. Now, what were you supposed to respond to that? You stare at her, shocked at the question, and when she takes a peek at you, she chuckles at your reaction. “I’m kidding, Y/n-nie, don’t stress out too much.”

The car ride became silent between the two of you while the two girls in the back kept chatting. Once you make it to the school, Aeri looks around, a bit disgusted at the sight of the school. “Is this school small, or is it just me?” “Our school’s just really big,” you tell her, laughing as she silently judges the place. “Let’s go in through the back?” Haechi announces as her duffel hangs on her shoulder. She led the three of you through the back, passing by the other girls of her team.

“We don’t have to buy any tickets?” You asked, but before you can get a response, you hear a yelp from Aeri. You turn around and see Yunjin helping the shorter girl up as they face a tall group of girls. Their uniforms were forest green and orange in color. As they were unfamiliar to you, you were a bit cautious about what was about to happen, especially knowing Aeri’s fiery attitude. 

“Can you look where you're walking?” The short girl’s voice was full of pure irritation. “My bad, shorty, it was just an accident. I didn’t see you,” you heard a deep tone, cockiness dripping from the words. “I- I’m sorry about my teammate. They just get a bit excited when playing on game day.” A taller girl from the back speaks up, and Aeri is about to go off. “Excited? What a fuck-”

Before she could continue, you stepped in, shutting her mouth with a simple shush from your lips, “Relax yourself, Aeri.” You face the unfamiliar team and bow, “Good luck on your game,” just keep it at that, taking the girl's wrist, trying to pull them away. “Wait, aren’t you a pretty little thing? I’ve never seen you here at Handong. Don’t tell me-“

“It obviously means she goes to Yunae University, idiot. So stop harassing the girl.” Another unknown voice speaks out; the rich tone makes your ears ring a little. You see a tall, attractive girl with raven hair walking forward, bowing to you. “I want to apologize for anything Aisha has said to you.” You smile at the leader-like gesture, “It’s alright. Your number 5 over here did her best to help.” The way you smiled had the tall girl's heart fluttering. There was just something about tall girls like you, huh? She gives a genuine grin, cat-like eyes softening at you, “Yel does her best in situations like this. I’m Doyeon, by the way.”

“Nice to meet you, Doyeon-nim. I’m Y/n from Yunae.”

Her eyes travel from your cute grin down to the stylish outfit. “You know I don’t usually condone Aisha and her words, but I must agree. You are a pretty little thing.”

You couldn’t deny feeling intimidated at the moment, feeling like a kitten being placed in a den full of preying lions. Despite having Yunjin and Aeri by your side, the tall girls towering over you had you feeling powerless. As the Handong basketball captain was about to continue, you felt a presence looming behind you, which felt suffocating. You peeked over your left shoulder, seeing Haechi’s familiar black bomber jacket.

To your right, however, was an unfamiliar outfit. Yet you sure did recognize the scent of her perfume. If it wasn't for the famous Bada Lee and her impeccable timing. “You two have to go change,” you tell them, patting their shoulders with the knuckles of your hands. You weren’t expecting them to move at your words, and you were completely correct. You don’t know why you ended up in a war of ‘who has the most rizz,’ but you weren’t super happy about it.

It was an ego booster, but you concluded that you weren’t built for the drama-filled life. Yet every time you tried to better yourself and stray away, it seemed to follow you around. “If it isn't the famous captains of Yunae,” Aisha’s cocky tone comes out again, and you feel the irritation of both captains bouncing off each other. Both Yunae captains were heated for different reasons. Haechi knew that you’d probably get hit on by someone, which was reasonable since you are a fine-ass woman, but Aisha’s approach ticked her off.

Bada, on the other hand, was familiar with Miss Kim Doyeon. Having gone to the same schools for many years, the two were basically competitors in school. Yes, Bada lacked in grades, but so did Doyeon. In every other aspect, they were quite even. The only main difference was Doyeon being more feminine, but that didn't change much. She and Bada were exactly the same, and she knew that not only meant trouble for you but for her as well.

Realistically, Bada didn’t know if her old pal changed, but safe to say she wasn’t about to take any chances, especially with you involved.

“Haven’t seen you in a while, Lee. Life’s been treating ya’ well?” Doyeon’s subtle teasing doesn't go over Bada’s head. Doyeon could read Bada like an open book, knowing how to annoy the girls with even a simple glance. And with her AND Haechi standing behind you, the situation was clearly all over the place for you. “You can say that,” Bada gives a faux smile as she secretly takes your hand in hers, tugging you closer to her direction.

You were starting to get uncomfortable with the tension that you just let her, not wanting to deal with this shit anymore. Haechi notices the close proximity between you two, and her brows furrow, the waves of confusion, jealousy, and anger mixing together. “Let’s just go, guys. I’m sure your team is waiting for you.”

You tell the two tall girls, patting their backs in the visitor locker room direction. The two players wanted to talk to you, but your best friends pulled you to the bleachers, taking a seat so you could talk about what just happened. “Now, what the actual fuck was that?” You shrug at Aeri, “You are the reason I was a part of that in the first place.” “To me, it seems like you had five hot girls crowding all over you,” Yunjin states bluntly with a smirk. You scoff at them, leaving the conversation at that since you were over the entire thing already.

After 10 minutes, the Yunae team starts pulling out onto the court, Haechi and Bada being the last ones. With their uniforms on, the girls were decked out in black and white with little details of light blue due to them playing at another school instead of their primarily light blue uniform. The girls begin warm-ups with Bada wearing her number 22 and Haechi wearing her 29.

As you chatted away with Yunjin, Aeri sat there on her phone, as she wasn't really interested in sports. The game began, and within the time span of 15 minutes, so much had happened. The current score was 34 - 38, with Yunae leading. The opposing team's players couldn't resist the temptation to flirt and vie for your attention. The little winks sent your way, kissy faces, even Yel, being the shy player of Handong, sent seductive eyes your way every now and then. They made their intentions clear, attempting to catch your eye throughout the game.

Haechi and Bada quickly picked up on the advances made by the opposing team. Their competitive spirits were inflamed, and they decided to take matters into their own hands. 

As the game progressed, Haechi couldn't help but feel resentment, exchanging a knowing glance with Bada, who shared a similar expression to her. The co-captain leaned in closer to the tall girl, her voice filled with playful mischief. 

"Looks like they're not just playing for points, are they? Should we give them a taste of their own medicine?" Haechi whispered to the girl, and Bada, always up for some friendly competition, grinned mischievously and nodded in agreement. "Absolutely. Let's make this game even more interesting."

Yunjin, who had been chatting with you about the team dynamics, noticed the sudden shift in Haechi and Bada's strategy. The two felt more aggressive on the court, and you couldn’t help but notice Haechi’s improvement while playing. Her speed had become evidently quicker while swiftly moving through the other team, being quite in sync with Bada.

You remembered Bada being the best player on their team by far. Yet months later, here Haechi was, being on par with the passionate player. As the opposing team continued to flirt and vie for your attention, Haechi and Bada began taunting their opponents in a playful yet competitive manner. They showcased their skills, trying to outshine their rivals and draw your attention. The game took on a new level of intensity as the players on both teams, fueled by a desire to impress you, pushed themselves to the limit. The flirting had turned into a friendly rivalry, and you couldn't help but find the entire situation amusing as you watched the game unfold.

At halftime, the opposing players started playing rough against the Yunae girls. They were shoving and elbowing, and fouls were getting called left and right. You looked on, serious, as you saw this, thinking they were more interested in fighting at this point than playing the game.

Tensions escalated as one of the opposing players commented disrespectfully about you. “I’m sure your little girlfriend over would be a nice trophy to win. She’d suit Handong students better, you know? Maybe Doyeon can get her after this.” Both Haechi and Bada reacted instantly, shoving the offender and fiercely protecting you and your image. "Hey, watch your mouth! Show some respect!" Haechi yells, but Bada can’t keep her cool, especially after seeing the smirk on Doyeon’s face after the comment, "Keep that nasty shit off the court, and stop involving her!" 

The confrontation quickly spiraled into a small brawl during the game. After one final push from Haechi, Aisha seemed to reach her limit and threw a powerful punch at the opposing girls. You stood up, surprised by her action. Aisha was supposed to be the co-captain of Handong, but she was having a hard time controlling her emotions during the game.

"Protect Bada and Haechi-unnie!"

"No one disrespects Doyeon!"

The gym echoed with shouts and chaos as the brawl intensified, leaving you and your friends caught in the middle of a heated showdown. In the midst of the chaos, punches were thrown, and Bada and Haechi found themselves on the receiving end of blows. Despite the chaos around you, your immediate concern was Haechi. “Haech!” Your voice was loud and abrupt, running over to her side as you kneeled, touching her face in concern as you saw the bruise slowly forming. The tall girl whimpers in pain as she leans on her elbows, trying to sit up, yet has difficulty due to blows to the stomach.

Your worry and care were evident as you rushed to her side, tending to her injuries and offering comfort. Bada watched from the sidelines, growing even more furious than she had been before. She couldn't help but feel a pang of bitterness as she saw your concern and attention directed solely towards Haechi. It was a stark reminder of the divide that had grown between you and Bada, a divide she knew she deserved, given her past actions. You notice Bada’s dramatic exit out of the infirmary, heavy footsteps and sighs could be heard. 

As you sat next to a pained Haechi, you couldn’t help but feel bad for the girl who had no one taking care of her.

Well, there you go again, being too kind to the wrong people. Just couldn’t help yourself huh?

Amidst the demanding next three weeks of student council duties that had overwhelmed your time as secretary, Haechi graciously respected your need for space. While you tackled your responsibilities, she maintained a continuous presence by sending supportive text messages throughout the day.

In these rare moments when rest briefly graced your hectic schedule, Bada seized the opportunity to approach you in your newest hang-out spot, the school garden. She wanted to at least try to rebuild that trust, especially after the petty fight in the game last week. Bada felt that in your eyes, she was now the most immature person in the world, yet she was unaware that Haechi had explained to you, the teasing, the comments made about you, the little bond they made, literally everything. 

Everything except the past of Bada and Doyeon, which even Haechi had no idea about.

Bada envisioned a mature conversation with you, but as she drew closer, the emotions steamed beneath the surface began to surge forward.

Bada's voice quivered slightly as she spoke, a sense of plea in her voice. "Hey," she began, her eyes searching your face for any sign of acknowledgment. "Can we talk?"

You looked up from your work, meeting Bada's gaze. Your expression showed subtle uncertainty, though you were open to hearing her out. "Um, sure." You shifted to the left, creating space for her to sit. Bada took a seat, her head resting in her hands, dreading the conversation that lay ahead. Still, she knew she needed to ask for forgiveness at some point, so she might as well do it now.

Bada nodded earnestly, her voice trembling as she began, "I know I messed up." Her words were filled with remorse, but you scoffed softly.

"Saying you messed up is putting it lightly," you responded, your tone tinged with disappointment and irritation. "You made a bet on me, Bada. I'm not some object," you said, your voice wavering slightly. "I appreciate you trying to apologize, but I'm not sure I can forgive you." A trembling sigh escaped from Bada's lips. "I just wanted to talk to you about it."

You took a moment to think, aware that you often took the high road in situations like this. However, you were uncertain about the right decision at this particular moment. “I’m an insecure fuck who has no one,” Bada says, chuckling at herself. “I’m pathetic.”

You fix your gaze on her, annoyance and displeasure evident in every word. "You have no right to say that," you seethe, your voice quivering with anger, and Bada begins to feel cornered. Emotions swirl within you, and your voice trembles with the weight of your words. "You had me," you confess, tears welling up as frustration gnaws at your resolve. "I tried my best to be there for you, even though we hadn't known each other for that long. I cared."

The floodgates open, and you struggle to maintain your composure, a solitary tear slipping down your cheek. "You just couldn't let go of that player image, could you?" Your voice trembles with a mix of sadness and resentment. "You just had to string me along." The rawness of the moment hangs heavily in the air, a heartbreaking confrontation filled with disappointment and sorrow.

Bada couldn’t even look at you, it was as though you had become her kryptonite. Just capable of melting her defenses with a single glance. All she thought was, ‘You're a bad person. This is your karma.’

“I know,” Bada says silently, feeling a tear wetting her cheek, and she uses her sleeve to calm herself. “I’m the loser who let an amazing girl go,” Bada says, and she feels her disappointment again. Bada's breathing was becoming staggered, almost hyperventilating. With this happening before, you rest your hand on her back, rubbing in circles. “Breath, Bada. In through the nose, out through the mouth.” You stare at her face, which flushes red as she struggles to breathe. You knew that Bada felt bad, Haechi even telling you how upset she was when you left.

You just never knew the extent of it until now. So seeing this - a mentally broken Bada in front of you, had you in distress. You couldn’t help but hug the crying girl, and like months ago, you had her calming down just from your touch. “If you put in effort, I think I can try forgiving you,” you mumbled as her head nuzzled into your neck, trying to end the stress completely.

So, in the following days, Bada did try. The girl did everything she possibly could. Bada's acts of kindness showed her silent mission to seek your forgiveness. She understood the seriousness of her actions and was determined to make amends. Her gestures of kindness were sincere and subtle, reflecting her genuine remorse.

Every morning for the past week, you found a cup of freshly brewed coffee waiting for you at your desk in the student council office. The aroma was always comforting, and the warmth of the gesture touched your heart as you got used to the strong scent. Bada even noticed your heavy workload and would discreetly carry your bag whenever your hands were full of books or papers. She made it seem effortless, ensuring your burden felt lighter.

You even receive an unexpected lunch from Bada occasionally. The meal would be carefully packed and contain your favorite dishes - which she pestered you for, a thoughtful gesture that was impossible to ignore. On the lunches, you'd find apologetic notes tucked into your textbooks or slipped under your door. Bada expressed her regret and longing for your forgiveness in these handwritten messages. You were bombarded with all this and were surprised at her persistent and dedicated efforts.

As Bada demonstrated her genuine remorse through these acts of kindness, a gradual shift in your perception began to take shape. It wasn't an overnight transformation, but her consistent efforts and heartfelt gestures couldn't be denied. You reflected on the possibility of forgiveness, and your heart slowly began to open to the idea of at least being friends again.

Meanwhile, all this is happening, and Haechi has become more aware, remaining wary of the situation. She knew the extent of Bada's genuine feelings for you, which had only intensified during your time apart. Haechi had seen firsthand how you had affected Bada, and she couldn't shake the feeling that she might be losing you. Haechi can’t deny she’s taken a liking to you over the months, but she felt like she couldn’t compete with that at all. Her insecurities and fears bubbled beneath the surface as she observed your interactions with Bada. Yet she knew to accept defeat, knowing you weren’t necessarily over the tall captain either.

In Haechi’s mind, even just for a little while, she wanted to have you all to herself. You put her at ease, made her a better person, and overall made her feel loved. But that’s the same way Bada felt, maybe to the extreme even. Her worries got even worse when you and Bada had to work on an English assignment together, having to write up a script for a play in the next two weeks.

That’s when Haechi finally confided in you, her voice tinged with a hint of vulnerability. "I can't help but feel a bit uneasy, you know. I've seen how much you mean to Bada, and it's hard not to worry about what might happen between you two." You nodded, understanding her concerns. "I get it, Haechi. But we just have to get through this project then it’ll be back to normal."

She sighed, her worries still lingering and you couldn’t help but beat yourself up mentally. The both of you knew you were lying, to her and yourself. As the days passed, the situation became increasingly complicated, but your open conversation with Haechi was a small step toward easing her concerns and maintaining the balance in your relationship.

During the second week of the project, you and Bada unexpectedly hit a bump in the road. 

In the midst of your project work, emotions that had been simmering beneath the surface finally boiled over. The two of you sat in her bedroom that day, working on your laptops and as you stayed focused with your large adorable glasses on, she couldn’t help but think how irresistible you looked.

Bada had kept staring, and you felt the tension steadily increasing, fueled by unresolved feelings and a shared history that couldn't be ignored. As the two of you worked side by side, the atmosphere grew increasingly charged. 

You both leaned over a table, discussing project details, your eyes locked onto each other's.

“You’re gorgeous Y/n,” Bada could only whisper, being hypnotized by your puppy-like eyes as you stared at the girl. After the past two weeks, the never-ending interactions and genuine drive to be in your life were beginning to affect your heart in the same way it did before.

Bada couldn’t help herself, you just looked so tempting.

In that moment, the world seemed to fade away, leaving only the chemistry between you. The air crackled with tension as you both leaned in, drawn together. Your lips met in a heartfelt kiss, that felt like a culmination of all the emotions building between you. It was a kiss filled with longing, desire, and the weight of unspoken words. As your mouths moved in sync, the world around you ceased to exist, and you were consumed by the intoxicating sensation of being so close to someone you had missed for so long.

Each touch, each caress, conveyed a depth of emotion that words could never capture. It was a kiss born from a complex mixture of attraction, regret, and the undeniable connection that had always existed between you. At that moment, the lines between friendship and love seemed more blurred, and you were both swept away by the intensity of each other's lips.

The tension and unresolved emotions that had been building between you erupted in a passionate and heated kiss. The kiss quickly escalated into a fervent make-out, leaving both of you breathless and confused in the aftermath.

As you pulled away from each other, your minds were left in turmoil, struggling to make sense of the unexpected turn of events. The lines between friendship, attraction, and unresolved feelings had become blurred, and the path forward was uncertain. “I think I should go,” you say, slipping out of her grasp quickly, and leaving her home even with Bada’s voice telling you not to. You just walked and walked, your mind becoming scrambled more by the minute.

What the fuck were you suppose to do now?

When you found yourself in school the next day, you sat next to Yunjin and Aeri who spoke to each other, while your mind spaced off. The past few days were blurring together, and you were having a hard time keeping up with the two taller girls.

Haechi, ever perceptive, noticed the turmoil in your thoughts but she understood that it was not the right time to press you for an explanation or to make you feel any more overwhelmed. Instead, she decided that taking you out for fun would be a welcome distraction.

"Hey," Haechi said with a warm smile, gently taking your hand. "I can tell you've got a lot on your mind. How about we take a break from all this and have a bit of fun?" You nodded, grateful for the offer of an escape. "Yeah, that sounds nice."

Haechi whisked you away after school to a vibrant carnival, where the colorful lights and joyful atmosphere immediately began to work their magic. You both indulged in the various attractions and games, with Haechi displaying impressive skills in winning you prizes, all while sharing laughter and enjoying thrilling rides. The carnival food was a guilty pleasure, and you both indulged in cotton candy, popcorn, and all the delicious treats it had to offer.

As you prepared to part ways with Haechi, you couldn't help but express your gratitude. "Haechi, tonight was amazing. Thanks for taking my mind off everything. It means a lot." Haechi smiled warmly, her eyes reflecting genuine care. "I'm glad you had a good time. We all need a break sometimes, especially from the chaos of life."

Her unexpected affectionate peck on your cheek left you momentarily flustered. You stammered, "Oh, um... thanks." She chuckled, understanding the mixture of emotions you were going through. "Take your time to sort things out, okay? I'm here for you, whatever you need." With her reassuring words lingering in your mind, you continued your journey home, your thoughts in disarray. Questions swirled within you, and you couldn't help but wonder aloud, "What do I really feel? Is it Haechi or Bada who has my heart?"

The carnival had indeed offered a temporary escape from your complicated emotions, but it hadn't provided the answers you desired. Your feelings remained a complex web of affection and uncertainty, and you knew that the path ahead held many more twists and turns.

The confusion lingered as you continued working on the project with Bada. She extended an invitation to dinner after one of your study sessions, choosing a simple fast-food place where the atmosphere felt comfortable and familiar. The dimly lit diner, with its soft music playing in the background, provided a setting where conversations could be had.

As you both sat down with your meal, Bada took a deep breath, her eyes revealing a mixture of nervousness and determination. "There's something I need to say," she began, her voice earnest.

You nodded, urging her to continue. "Sure, go ahead."

Bada decided to lay everything on the table, her words filled with raw honesty. She opened up about her struggles, regrets, and the turmoil she had experienced during the time you were apart. "I want you to know that I haven’t been the best version of myself, especially after you left," she admitted, her gaze fixed on you. "I did some things that I'm not proud of, and I hurt you. I know that."

Her words hung in the air, and you could see the pain in her eyes. She continued, "I couldn't accept that you were gone, and I resorted to unhealthy ways to feel better. I was ashamed of myself, and I regret how I treated you." Her voice wavered, but she pushed forward. "I need you to know that I'm genuinely sorry for my actions. I wish I could take back what I did, but I can't. All I can do now is try to make things right."

The sincerity in Bada's words was strong, and it left you with a mix of emotions. You felt her honesty and wondered how to respond to her heartfelt confession. Yet she doesn’t rush you, and you appreciate it as you need to figure out this Haechi situation first.

So the next day in school, you built up the courage to talk to her during lunch. Pulling her up to the rooftop of the school, you breathed in the fresh air, trying to calm the nerves that began to course through your veins. Haechi, ever perceptive, noticed the changes in Bada's demeanor and your complex emotions.  She began with empathy, "I've seen the efforts Bada has been making to make amends, and I can tell that there are still feelings between you two."

You nodded, acknowledging the truth in her words. "Yeah." Her words were sweet but you felt more disgusted with yourself by the minute, it felt like you playing with her heart even if those weren’t your intentions. She gave you a reassuring smile, her eyes filled with understanding. "I want you to know that I respect your wishes and choices. I'm not here to pressure you or to make things more complicated. What matters most is your happiness."

That's when tears began to well in your eyes. You were certain you didn’t deserve her. "Haechi, I appreciate your understanding. It's just that everything feels so complicated right now." She gently squeezed your hand. "I don’t think it's THAT complicated Y/n. Just know that I'm here to support you, no matter what you decide."

The weight of the conversation hung in the air as you grappled with your feelings and the choices ahead. Haechi's understanding and support were a source of comfort, but the path you had to navigate remained uncertain and emotionally charged. You couldn't shake the guilt that had been creeping in, eating at you for using Haechi as a distraction from the stress and turmoil that Bada had brought into your life. You carried the weight of your actions with a heavy heart, and it was hard to look Haechi in the eye.

The silence between you was felt comforting but anxiety-inducing at the same time. It was Haechi who decided to break the tension. She reached out and gently touched your hand again, her voice delicate and understanding. "You may be the smartest girl in school, Y/n, but you're also human. You can't help who you fall for."

Her words carried a weight that resonated deeply within you. It was a bittersweet realization, one that tugged at your heartstrings. Haechi delivered it with a sad smile, acknowledging the complexity of your emotions. The guilt still lingered, but Haechi's understanding and support were a source of solace in the midst of your emotional turmoil.

That’s when Bada came into mind, and you smile a little at the thought of her pretty face. “You should go tell her.” You stare at Haechi like she grew three heads, and she laughs. “Why wait? The girl was beating herself up over you, I think it’s time to give her what she’s been wanting.” Her tone joked but you knew she was serious, so you impulsively got up and ran through the school, bumping into so many students in the process as you make your way to the cafeteria, knowing Bada and her friends would be there.

Once you see the oreo-haired girl sitting at their lunch table, you quickly drag her out to the school garden. Bada couldn’t even comprehend what was happening right now, just feeling the strong force drag her wrist.

When the two of you stop, she looks at you, a bit dizzy due to the dragging. “Y/n? Are you okay?” Bada asks, trying to snap herself out of the daze you put her in making you chuckle. “I’m sorry about dragging you all the way out here. But I just had to tell you now.”

“Tell me what?”

“That no matter what happened 6 months ago, I’ll still love your dumbass,” you say with a smile and Bada’s eyes go wide. A stupid grin forms on her face as she pulls you into a warm bearing hug. “I think I’ve finally been healed,” she jokes and you pull away, slapping her forehead as she laughs. Once she settles down, she softly touches your cheeks, giving you a loving kiss. You smile, and the thought of the two of you officially being together circulates in your brain. 

As she rests her forehead on yours, her gaze notices your goofy smile. “Why are you smiling like that?” She asks with a laugh, adoring the look on your face. “Would you wanna be mine?” The abrupt question had Bada pause, an amused chuckle left her lips, “Shouldn’t I be asking you that?”

“Oh, just answer the damn question,” you tell her as you roll her eyes. Your irritated reaction makes Bada smile again, pulling you into a strong embrace and she kisses the temple of your head, “Of course I’d love to be yours.” 

The two of you stare at the beautiful flowers, and Bada pulls away, cheesing again. “What now?”

“The top student’s officially mine.”

“Oh shut up,” you say with a soft giggle leaving your lips as you stare at your, finally, girlfriend.

Tag list (OPEN): @chipswsauce @nimixe @yooqui @eeeetaetterswife @efyyylee @froufrousnowman @amararosesblog @ssc7514 @kayascar @mrsdacherry @angel-hyuckie @letthemagicc @linda-botello @hyynee @only-minghaos @noraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa @sun-nyy @tikitsune @xiakiyama @v2br33zyy

[hijinks-n-lowjinks]

thoughts on 268 and megumi

This post is going to be a long discussion of how I interpret Megumi's situation with both Sukuna and with Yuuji. I do detail some of my own experiences with mental health and how my interpretation of the chapter and Megumi's characterization are influenced directly by it.

(tw: discussions of depression/mental health/suicide/suicidal ideation)

First of all, people respond and interpret and react to media/stories differently. Just because someone has a different take than you does not mean that they are wrong! Those feelings come from a very real place and it's important to process and converse about media with that sort of empathy in mind.

Moving on to the actual analysis part, there is one central theme and framing that I'm starting to believe gege has intended to use Megumi's situation as a metaphor/allusion for: mental illness/suicidal ideation.

Megumi is trapped within himself, stuck in darkness that he can't seem to find his way out of by himself. His condition only grew worse and worse the longer he spent time stuck in his own body to the point where we began to see a lot of self-destructive tendencies and suicidal ideation from him. He didn't care if he lived or died, the most important thing to him was to just stop feeling everything that was hurting him and for the others to stop working so hard and putting themselves in danger to help someone he believed wasn't worth the effort.

We see Sukuna trying to convince Megumi not to fight back and to give in to his control. He throws accusations at Megumi that we as the audience know are manipulations of reality, but they are the words that someone dealing with depression will hear from their inner worst self no matter how twisted they are from reality.

The twist here is that Megumi tells Sukuna that he has never intended on living a life he personally cares about, but that he's going to continue to let the people he loves anchor and tether him to life.

And then Megumi is literally pulled from the darkness through the actions of someone else/someone who loves him. Yuuji is fighting for Megumi and his words and actions have finally made an impact and helped Megumi fight back.

And the crazy thing is, Sukuna chases after him. Depression and mental health are constant struggles even after recovery. It feels like there's a constant pressure not to backslide into bad habits and spiral back down the depression rabbit hole. Mental health struggles will always linger, but that's why we have to fight back and choose to want to get better.

The biggest divide in the fandom reaction to 268 is Megumi's words "just once more, I want to try living for someone else."

Now, I think the words "I'm doing to live for someone else" have been taken so literally by people that they think it means "and therefore I am not living for myself." Those two things are not opposites, but go hand in hand!

I can agree this decision gege made for him is not as satisfying as Megumi choosing to live for himself, but I do believe this was a purposeful decision and that it is the most realistic choice for someone in Megumi's position.

Not to get too specific, but for a couple of years the only thing keeping me from a complete spiral into an actual contemplation of suicide was because of my relationships to other people. I stayed alive because of them. I barely took care of myself and basically forced myself to do the bare minimum because I knew that somehow there were people in my life who wanted me to live.

I could not live for myself. I did not care for or love myself in the slightest, so why would I try to make my life better? The only reason I actually started caring about myself was because other people cared for me first. They told me I was loved, that they enjoyed spending time with me, that I was someone who would be missed if things ever did go south.

That's why Yuuji being the catalyst behind Megumi's decision to fight was so impactful to me, because Megumi was me.

Megumi's decision being influenced by his relationship with Yuuji instantly reminded me of one of my favorite monologues from Fruits Basket where they discuss self love and how choosing to care about your own life isn't as simple as many neurotypicals often make it out to be. It's a scene that was heavily impactful to me when I was going through my worst times and I feel like it really puts Megumi's choice to live for the sake of others in perspective.

"There was a time when I stopped talking, like you. The reason was a little different, but I think the feelings of shame and self-hatred are similar. Your teacher advises you to “love yourself”. What does that even mean? “Look for good points"… how is someone supposed to find those? I only knew the things that I hated about myself. The whole reason we despise ourselves is because we can only see the parts we hate, so forcing ourselves to find good things feels pointless, like we'd just be making them up. It's a nice sentiment, but it’s not always that simple. Instead, I think it's when someone else says they love you that you're finally able to begin to love yourself. When someone truly accepts who you are, that's when you can start to forgive yourself and suddenly see the good things you've had all along."

This scene hit me hard when I first watched it. It was exactly what I needed to hear: that I wasn’t weak and pathetic for not being able to see a future for myself on my own. I wasn't weak because I had to rely on the support of others to keep my head above water. I wasn't weak because I needed their love and praise to enable me to see those very same aspects about me that they loved!!!

Living for the sake of others is not the end all be all of recovery. That is merely the first step: recognizing that you are loved and that you want to live because others want you to live. That is not where recovery stops! It's a long, arduous journey where you eventually have to choose to live for yourself because you want to. But sometimes that decision is so daunting and feels so impossible when you're in the thick of it that it can completely crush your spirit.

When you're at the end of your rope, it's the people you love who tie you back down.

In my mind, Megumi didn't choose to fight or live only because of Yuuji. Yuuji was the catalyst, but not the entire purpose. Megumi heard that he was loved by someone, and because he loved them in return he chose to fight. He wanted to experience that love and thus show Yuuji that he was loved in return by fighting to stay with him.

[small-sinclair]

If You Love Me

Whumptober 9: Obsession

Obsessed!Bo Sinclair x reader

Tw: Bo wants to kill someone, blood mention, hints of murder, he’s a bit obsessed with you, bo wants to self harm to prove he loves you

Bruises

You were hurt, bruised and battered, when he found you.

Your eyes were closed as fat tears fell from your eyes, flowing too fast for him to catch. Your perfect lips were cracked and bleeding. You were going to have scars of untreated. Your untouched skin, pure and beautiful, was going to match his— he couldn’t have it. He didn’t want it!

Bo knelt next to you and was so careful to cradle you in his arms. He felt his world beginning to shatter as he watched silently with dark eyes as the man tried to leave, tried to escape from his basement. Why did you come down here? What was your reason?

He’ll find out later. He always finds out.

Bo kisses your tears, tasting the saltiness and how bitter it was on his lips. He wanted to through his world across the room and blame the man, but he was the one that didn’t lock your room this morning to keep you away from his work. He thumbed your swollen eye and handprint bruising on your neck and felt his anger about to burst. Without hesitation, Bo lowers you and stand, and he reaches in his back pocket for a filer he keeps on him for something like this he was looking at the man with hatred, rage, and vengeance.

“You hurt my darlin’ an’ you think y’all’s walkin’ out of this alive?” He snared, growling in the back of his throat as his blue eyes harden and turn red. He gripped the file until his knuckles turned white. He had to laugh at the man’s pleads and groveling. “Do you really think beggin’ will help you?”

Without giving him much of a chance, Bo took aim and tackled him to the ground, wrapping him up in a bear hug, and crashed through the door. He felt wood pierce through the man’s lower stomach and poke at his chest, but that didn’t stop Bo. He’ll rip him apart just to make you heal faster. The mere thought of you hurting and unable to stand on your own killed him. Bo should’ve been more careful on keeping you away from the world. He should’ve built a temple around you and threw the key away. What do you want him to do to make up for his trespassing? Tell him and let him know and he’ll do it. He’ll do it without out thoughts or hesation. He'll carve your name in his skin for you and make sure you see him bleed. He deserves to feel your pain, to be in more pain than you. This man under him caused you to be shaky and tearful. He loves you more than words can say, and it drives him more than insane. Let him prove it to you. Let him show it to you! If you wish for him to inflect pain, then he’ll do it. He’ll be the walker of destruction for you. Please! He’s on his knees begging you, yelling at you, but how could you hear him from such high up? He doesn’t belong to be this close to you. He craves your voice like a junky craves a needle.

Bo will prove it to you over and over until you grow tired of his efforts.

Set him free and call him back home. Keep that chain around his throat tight and the scars on his wrist open. Make him spell your name out in his blood just to feel connected to you. Give him that much and he’ll go peaceful.

He balled a fist and hovered it over the man’s face. Just as he’s about to land a blow, he heard your voice ripping through his anger, yelling, “Bo, don’t kill him! Please!”

He snapped his head towards you and hesitated. “Darlin’, he hurt you—!”

“If you love me,” his eyes grew at your words, his heart clinching fast and too hard, “you wouldn’t kill him. You wouldn’t!”

He never wants to hear you beg like that again. He never wants to hear how hurt and in pain you are because of him and his actions. Look at you—in pain and hurt but you even give forgiveness to the same man that hurt you and bruised you to the point of being temporary blind in an eye...he’s in awe of you. He would gladly throw himself at your feet just at your command, but you questioned his love. You questioned his love and loyalty towards you.

For he is a piece of sin in front of a blessed god. A merciful god. He could never be like you...never be as full of light as you are.

He looked down at the man and how he was crying silently, soft pleads leaving his lips, then lowered his fist slowly. The grip on his shirt loosened and he stands up, casting his shadow over the ungrateful. Bo turns slowly and headed towards you and knelt once more next to you, letting go of the file in his hand. He lowers his head in shame, not daring to look up at you without your permission. He's unworthy of you and will do everything to make up to this misjudgment. He won’t even speak unless you tell him.

If you love me...

Those words echoed through his head like a voice in a cave. He’ll try everything to make up for this, do anything to prove his love for you. Just name it and he’ll do it without hesitation—

“Take me home, Beauregard.”

The way you say his name, his real name, made him shiver. When you touched his cheeks, you felt him melt like glass in a fire. He was so heavy and felt so...so warm in your touch. His shaking hand holds yours over his cheek, marveling at your touch, and nods at your command. “Yes, angel,” he whispers, his voice weak. “I’ll do that. I’ll do it for you.” Then he turned back towards the man lying in the pile of broken wood and asked, “And what about him? What do you want me to do to him, darlin’?”

“Vincent can take care of him,” you answer, turning his head back to you. The sight of your bruises and swollen body made his blood freeze. “Don’t kill him. Please, don’t kill him.”

He leans into your touch and nods at your words. “Yes, mon chere, I won’t. I promise,” Bo said, his words almost too desperate. Well, he was desperate to prove his love to you. For you to question it only showed him that he didn’t give you enough time in the day. He’ll try harder—he promises he can do better! Please, don’t give up on him! “I’ll be good. I swear; I’ll be so good to ya.”

You lifted his head to see his eyes returning to a calming ocean blue. Your touch was trembling ever so slight, scared he might snap and not listen. Truth be told, you’re scared of him whenever he does something like this. There was hurt in his eyes as you said, “Then take me home, Bo. Take me back home.” Your voice was cracking and growing painful as it began to swell. You could feel the bruise starting to build under your skin. “Please, please—take me home.”

“Yes, darlin’,” he whispers, his eyes searching in yours. “I’ll take ya right away. Promise. I promise.” He leaned in and kissed your forehead then your bruised eye. “I’ll lead ya home.”

[the-bitterest-breakups-poll]

Poll: Round 1c #7

[ Image ID. An image of the first volume cover of The scum villain's self-saving system, and an image of the poster for Major Grom: Plague Doctor. End ID]

*Reminder that Break up is being used loosely here and not all relationships may be romantic in nature

Propaganda under cut:

Shen Qingqiu and Yue Qingyuan:

<tw: child abuse, slavery, torture>

- Child slaves who bonded very closely with each other through shared trauma. Ended up kind of feral about each other.

- Shen Jiu ended up being bought by a rich asshole solely for the purpose of making his life hell, after he saved Yue Qi from being trampled by said rich asshole’s horse.

- Yue Qi tries to save him over and over again, but fails every time, eventually runs away to become a cultivator and promises he will come back.

- Three years later, Shen Jiu snaps and kills the rich asshole and his family and runs off to apprentice under a notorious criminal. He assumes Yue Qi is dead.

- A year after that, he finds out that Yue Qi is not dead, but instead the head disciple of a cultivation sect, now known as Yue Qingyuan. Shen Jiu is very upset finding out that Yue Qi had abandoned him.

- Yue Qingyuan gets Shen Jiu a place in the sect, and eventually he becomes the second in command of the sect, while Yue Qingyuan is the leader.

- They don’t become friends again, even though their positions require them to interact. Instead, any time they have a conversation, they part on bad terms within five lines of dialogue.

- Shen Jiu, now Shen Qingqiu, kind of ends up being a terrible person because he has no idea how to cope with his trauma and is constantly lashing out. Yue Qingyuan tries his best to reconcile and accommodate him to the point where he often turns a blind eye to Shen Jiu’s actions.

- Eventually, Shen Jiu ends up imprisoned and tortured by his former disciple Luo Binghe as retribution for his abuse. Luo Binghe uses Shen Jiu to set a trap for Yue Qingyuan, and Yue Qingyuan dies very badly, which is what ends up completely breaking Shen Jiu.

- Later, you find out that Yue Qingyuan hadn’t abandoned Shen Jiu, but instead he had tried so hard to get strong enough to come back to save him that he ended up very nearly dying, going through horrific trauma of his own. By the time he got out of the cave he had been trapped in, he went to get Shen Jiu but found the estate burned down and assumed that his old friend was dead.

- They could be interpreted romantically or just as friends, but their breakup kind of ended up basically causing the destruction of the world over an awful misunderstanding.

- Anyway I am very feral over them.

Igor Grom and Sergey razumovski:

It's a friendship breakup! Except neither of them had made a friend in a long time so they didn't *realize* they were friends even though it was super obvious and other characters saw it. [SPOILERS FROM HERE] The unsaid made the breakup worse when Igor (the cop trying to catch the Plague Doctor (who makes some good points but goes about it in a bad way, like many movie villains)) finally understood that the Plague Doctor was Sergey. But neither of them knew that it was actually Sergey's alter personality. So Igor thought the Plague Doctor was Sergey's best friend, then learned that the guy had been dead for years, then went to see Sergey fully convinced that it was yet someone else, *anyone else*, that Sergey could help him find. Meanwhile Sergey had offered Igor his help to catch the Plague Doctor, and was happy to see his new friend come see him, just to learn that said new friend now suspects him of being a terrorist (give him a break T_T) The messy part is that Sergey immediately crashes a bottle on Igor's skull, then regrets it because he thought he killed his friend, then, because obviously Igor's not dead, sets him up so that Igor's colleagues think that *Igor* is the Plague Doctor and throw him in jail. When of course Igor breaks out and goes to confront Sergey (without any backup, because he doesn't want to endanger his two allies who are now the closest he's got to friends), they talk with their fists. And the furniture in the room. And also flamethrowers. It's messy. At some point during the fight Igor's plan is to throw both of them, Sergey and himself, together, from the window. Which he does. They're on the top floor of a skyscraper. That is such a reasonable, thought-out, restrained reaction to being disappointed by someone (/ironic). They only survive because other people catch them.

[creepzkilla]

Jahaiahaiahajajs I'm so glad your back!!!

I have an idea for you >:)=

Can I request some of your darkest headcannons for the Proxies? Like what are their toxic traits, it can sfw or nsfw or anything but the request is basically how dark and evil can they be?

I hope this makes sense and you don't have to do it, it's only of you're comfortable!

↳˳⸙;; ❝ HOW DARK ARE THE PROXIES? HC'S! ᵕ̈ ೫˚∗:

★Tumblr relies on reposting, please repost my work.★

tw. warning— mentions of self harm, mentions of aggressive actions, mentions of verbal abuse, mentions of physical abuse, mentions of sexual ordeals

[A/N]— theme change?!??? pls let me know if u guys wanna be tagged in the next post! also i wanted to do the pastas as realistic as possible… should i make a post on how the proxies + others met their lover😴 or just my general hc’s?

THE QUESTION ITSELF IS FUNNY—

the proxies are slashers— murderers. psychopathic, deranged men that are hardly short of completely and utterly insane. their sanity-if they have any- is practically none besides possibly a sliver of humanity. if anything, they aren’t even men— they were resurrected from the pits of hell itself and placed on this god forban world. the atrocities that these men have commited rightly earns them the title of not men— but demons. their sinful actions could never be erased, not even if they bathed in the waters of Babylon. the screams, cries, the sobs of their victims as they carry out their orders doing god knows what to them, will forever be ingraved into their very being. not even god can save them from their damnation— if anything god is laughing.

SANITY IS NOT SOMETHING OF LUXURY FOR THE PROXIES—

it’s something that fought for. everyday, it’s a constant battle for control—the continuous thirst to satisfy the need to kill. not to mention the the operators hold on their minds, making them carry out heinous missions consisting of nothing but death and blood. their minds are plagued with nightmares of what they have done, on repeat like a broken record, replying over and over. yet, behind the insanity, the malice, the control over their minds, they have regained just a sliver of sanity. it’s not like they want to kill—but they have to. for the operator… for this urge. little by little, they begin to feel like an actual human being. but it’s not like you know anything.

TOBY ERIN ROGERS—

is the most far gone. since the operator took over his mind at such a young age without much resistance , he has the pleasure of sculpting toby’s mind into the perfect cast. despite the most—insane, he’s the one that hangs onto his sanity the strongest. almost like he’s able to flip it on and off like a switch. yet, the line between sanity and insanity draws very thin, so he can’t help it when… it slips sometimes.

Self-Destructive Tendencies: Toby's self-destructive tendencies, which are often associated with his character, could negatively impact the relationship. This is either emotional or physically. He may engage in self-harm or reckless behaviors, disregarding the well-being of you and causing them emotional distress and constant worry.

Emotional Instability: Toby's own emotional instability could create an unpredictable and volatile environment within the relationship. His mood swings, anger outbursts, and tendency to lash out verbally or physically could cause you to constantly walk on eggshells.

Explosive Anger: Toby may have anger management issues that result in explosive outbursts. He might have difficulty controlling his temper, leading to verbal or even physical aggression toward his partner. This behavior creates an environment of fear and intimidation.

Jealousy and Insecurity: Toby might struggle with feelings of jealousy and insecurity, leading him to exhibit possessive behavior. This could manifest in him constantly questioning your actions or relationships with others, even if there is no real cause for concern.

Over-Dependency: Toby may have a tendency to become overly dependent on you, relying on you for emotional stability and validation. This can lead to an unhealthy dynamic where he becomes possessive or overly clingy, causing his partner to feel suffocated or trapped.

HOW FAR WOULD TOBY GO—

well, he certainly wouldn’t go far enough to hurt you, no, never. he is specifically always careful not to harm you, especially during sex. but that wouldn’t mean that he would hurt you emotionally or mentally. his favorite punishment is ignoring you. he’d shun you for days on end in your shared apartment, just to teach you a lesson which is very rare. physically, he treats you like a delicate glass doll that could break at any moment. during sex, it’s almost like he’s afraid to touch you. he doesn’t want to corrupt you like the way he is… he wants to preserve your innocence, and your being, and because of that, he would do anything to protect you. anyone who would ever do you wrong would soon come under his hatchet in the most painful way imaginable.

Dark and Evil level: 6/10, Moderate, just "protective"

TIMOTHY WRIGHT(MASKY)—

is in a constant fight for control, more so than the other proxies. In Marble Hornets, it is referenced that he may have Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). because of this, he comes into the separate entity known as Masky during blackouts. the operator has stalked timothy ever since he was a child and anyone else he came in contact with. the operator is setting his sights on timothy so young he can influence him just enough to do his bidding. of course, timothy hates the operator and works against him, but after so long, after all the pain and blood, he’s just too tired to fight back anymore. Masky, hates this. he hates that timothy gives up too quickly. during missions, a blackout is typically triggered, giving Masky complete control. and so soon enough Masky became tired as well. and then killing became second nature.

Controlling Behavior: Tim, overwhelmed by his own insecurities and paranoia, becomes possessive and controlling in his relationship. He constantly questions and monitors your actions, isolates them from friends and family, and exhibits manipulative behavior to maintain control.

Emotional Withdrawal: Tim, due to his secretive and guarded nature, may struggle with opening up emotionally to his significant other, that being you. He might withdraw from sharing his thoughts and feelings, leaving you feeling neglected or shut out.

Jealousy and Possessiveness: Tim's loyalty and protectiveness towards his friends, particularly towards Jay, might manifest as excessive jealousy and possessiveness in a romantic relationship. He may feel threatened by your interactions with others and attempt to control or isolate you.

Neglecting Emotional Support: Tim's own emotional struggles consume him, leaving little room for providing adequate emotional support to his partner, you. He may dismiss your concerns, minimize your feelings, or fail to offer the empathy and understanding you need, leaving you feeling unheard and invalidated.

Anger Issues: Tim/Masky occasionally displays violent and unpredictable behavior, driven by his internal struggles and external pressures. In a relationship, this volatility could lead to outbursts of anger, creating an unstable and potentially harmful environment for you

TIMOTHY AND MASKY WOULD NEVER HURT YOU—

not without reason. mentally or emotionally, timothy understands human emotions, despite not having any himself. yet, when he’s around you, everything changes. suddenly, he can feel again, suddenly, he has the strength to fight back. you are everything to him. the only good in this hell-bent world. he needs you, and he can’t let you leave him. so you can’t blame him when he starts chewing nicotine gum, “claiming to quit cigs.” you can’t blame him when he stops taking his gum out when he kisses you, “he forgets to.” you can’t blame him when suddenly all you want to do is kiss him. but it's not enough, no, no, no. he needs to make sure that your, 're addicted to him, completely and utterly infatuated with him. so, you can't blame him when he starts wearing nicotine patches, "the gum just wasn't working." you can't blame him when he starts placing the patches on you when you're sleeping next to him. you cant blame him when you practically breakdown when he leaves you, only for a few hours. you cant blame him when you feel a pinch on you arm during sex, when he stuck the nicotine patch into your arm without you seeing, saying that "oh darling its nothing." you can't blame him when you've become addicted to his presence and cock. no you don't understand, you really just can't blame him, he wants to keep you safe, really, he promises.

Dark and Evil level: 8.5/10, Very high, obsessive and insane.

BRIAN THOMAS (HOODY)—

has the most grip on reality. like tim, he has blackouts to which he comes into the separate being known as “Hoody”. also like Tim, he hates the operator. at first, he resisted, refusing to carry out those abominations; its heinous fantasies of mass destruction. except he was more willing than his counterpart, timothy. brian is calculating, he's a smart guy, he understood what would happen to him if he disobeyed the operator. the most excruciating torture that anyone has ever gone through. proxy brainwashing is no joke. he's not stupid, so that's why he's played the long game. do the operator's bidding until he's able to conjure a plan, it'll only be for a few, just until he can figure out how to get out of this hell space. soon "a few" turned into months. soon "months" turned into years. then suddenly he stopped keeping track. and then, he started to enjoy it.

Isolation and Control: Brian might isolate you from your friends and family, attempting to control who you interact with and where you go. By limiting your support networks, Brian exerts more control over their life, making it challenging for you to maintain independence and make your own decisions.

Difficulty Opening Up: Brian/Hoody's burden of guilt and emotional turmoil might make it challenging for him to open up and share his vulnerabilities. This could create a one-sided dynamic in the relationship, with you having to provide emotional support without receiving reciprocation, potentially leading to resentment and emotional imbalance.

Manipulative: brian plays on the emotions and insecurities of those around him, manipulating their feelings to further his own agenda. he understands their weaknesses and uses psychological tactics to subtly influence their actions, pushing them towards his desired outcomes.

Apathetic: Brian's apathy also masks underlying insecurities and vulnerabilities. By presenting himself as emotionally detached, he avoids exposing his true feelings and weaknesses to others. .

Emotional Unavailability: Brian/Hoody's reserved and stoic nature could make it difficult for him to express his emotions or be emotionally available in a relationship. He might struggle to communicate his feelings or provide the necessary emotional support to you, leading to a sense of distance and detachment.

BRIAN AND HOODIE ARE NEVER GONNA LET YOU GO--

you are the one thing that is keeping him sane. so don't even think about leaving him. you wouldn't get the chance anyways. your everything that he's ever wanted, there is not a chance in hell that he's gonna have you slip through his fingers. he can be mean sometimes, but he doesn't mean it, it just slips out! typically when he gets back from "work", he's aggravated, its like he's a different person. he's cold, calculating, a robot practically; so you cant blame him when he needs something to release his sexual frustration. he just loves pleasing himself inside of you, he loves the way your body reacts to his corruption. now since your body is "bound" to him, he still needs to take extra precautions to keep you from leaving... specifically, brian will pit you aganist your friends and anyone close. pointing out how your friend's remark was passive-aggressive, pointing out details on how your friends "don't care about you, how they will never care about you, how he is the only person that will ever truly care about you. of course, he leaves you at least one friend, maybe two if he's feeling generous, he doesn't want you to go insane after all.

Dark and Evil level: 7/10, Getting up there, crazy ex bf vibes

Toxic traits that all proxies/creepypasta have in my opinion:

Stalking

Manipulative

Gaslighting

Apathetic

Mean :(

Sexually all pastas have a corruption kink-- some more than others

DEEP DOWN THE PROXIES ARE STILL HUMAN--

after everything they've been through, after everything they have seen, they're just scared kids. their lives were stripped away from them at such a young age, their lives were just beginning--now its like they don't even live at all. they never wanted to do this, they never wanted to kill, they never wanted to serve an eldritch demon of mass power, they just wanted to grow up. be a kid, go to college, and have a life. maybe in a different universe, a different timeline, maybe just maybe, everything is the way it should be. maybe they arent as fucked up as they should be.

🏷️— @spookyravioli