#tw: discussions of child abuse.

[mad-hunts]

🎤 - An audio transcript from a recording

[ ARKHAM TAPES: patient 0158, barton mathis. FOR STAFF USE ONLY. ]

contains potentially triggering content such as child abuse, heavy violence, and overall disturbing content.

[ the only thing that can be heard in the beginning of the recording is the faint murmur of a man's voice — the volume is very low, and yet, you can just hear the southern twang in his voice as clear as day. the sound of the recording device scrapping against something loudly is what resounded through the audio next. then, it stopped, and the volume is much better as it seems whoever was using it fixed it. from there, a man who seemingly goes by the name DOCTOR BOWMAN begins speaking to someone across from him.

❝ alright. this is session number 3 with my patient, known as barton mathis, and the date is 3/12/2015; for records, this is doctor bowman. is it alright if i record our conversation? ❞ the southern twang the doctor had is more pronounced than ever now, and it made the slight hum that came from somewhere across from him in response to this seem a lot quieter than it actually was. the hum was resigned as if to say ' eh, whatever ' but there is a hint of aggression just barely present in it. a velvety, but still equally as deep voice answers him, ❝ mm, sure — why not? not that you really care about whether i want it be recorded, or not. ❞ doctor bowman paused at that. the only sound audible through the recording is a half-suppressed ' ahh ' that gives off a peculiar aura of sad understanding, ❝ i do care. we just have certain... rules set in place here, that everyone has to follow. it's just a policy has been in affect ever since doctor crane was fired from here. ❞

a quiet snort came from the other side of the room, and the sound of some sort of furniture crunching under the weight of barton adopting a new position atop it is audible. he sounded snide whenever he talked next, ❝ oh, he was a lot more than fired from here, wasn't he? it's okay. you can say that he became a patient here because he was experimenting on people. if only he wasn't after such a foolish goal. then, maybe he wouldn't have gotten caught, ❞ you can practically hear that the sneer that had no doubt formed on barton's face at that moment. doctor bowman said nothing at first, and then made an attempt at reining him in. ❝ okay, well, either way... we're not here to talk about doctor crane. we're here to talk about you. so, it seems from one of your previous psychiatrists, ❞ doctor bowman took another pause as the sound of him flipping through papers escaped the recording, ❝ that march is a particularly rough month for you. can you explain to me why that is? ❞

the room had suddenly become very quiet, to the point where all you could hear was the sound of both of their breathing. that is, until barton's voice made a return, but the velvetiness from it is completely gone. when he answered the doctor's question, barton's voice had hiked up a few octaves and he let out a muffled sigh as if something was obstructing his speech. maybe he was biting on one of his nails, or he was covering his face with his hand. i was hard to tell, ❝ mm, no. you cannot. next question, please. ❞ now it was doctor bowman's turn to adjust his position on what was probably a chair that he was sitting on. the sound of crinkling leather resounded through the speaker, and doctor bowman chose to try to pry an answer out of him. ❝ look, barton, if you ever hope to get better then you must realize that it's going to take some discom — ❞ doctor bowman paused mid-sentence as a gasp suddenly left his mouth and the sound of something crashing to the floor resounded through the room they were in. it resembled breaking glass, maybe from a lamp, or something similar.

doctor bowman's voice trembled at the beginning when he began talking once more, but it became steady after a few more seconds as he was trained to keep it neutral, ❝ barton, why... why do you have that? no, how did you get that? ahh. you know what, i'm going to call the orderlies, ❞ what ' it ' is is unclear. the sound of shuffling, then what was probably the weight of the doctor himself being forced back down onto the chair, came through the speaker. doctor bowman attempted to say something but was cut off, now letting out another gasp. barton's voice sounded a lot quieter now, but there is a certain coldness to it. a fury, if you will, ❝ you call them, and i will kill them, then you. you think you know why march is a terrible time for me because i can guarantee you that it was scrawled down in that folder. but you actually have no fucking idea. ❞

instead of asking him to elaborate more, doctor bowman tried to appeal to the more human side of him. he sucked in a breath before coughing. ❝ do — do not do this. you know what is going to happen if you do, don't you? if you just put the knife down right now, i promise you, i'll make it so that you aren't going to face as severe of repercussions from this. ❞ another cough, and just like that, barton's voice wrang throughout the room. it was deceptively sweet now, like he was relishing in the other's terror. a series of low-pitched laughs came from him. ❝ ooh my god, doctor, you should've been a comedian. no... i'll tell you what you want to know, since you are one persistent person. and so you'll have something to think about while you're gurgling on your own blood. this is the month in which my biological father was killed by the worst pig of them all: jim gordon. but it wasn't just that he was killed that makes it so rough for me. ❞

barton inhaled deeply, clearing his throat, ❝ it's that i wanted to kill him, too. i thought about grabbing a knife from the kitchen, sneaking into his bedroom, and killing him multiple times. but that's not even the worst part. ❞ another laugh came from barton but it wasn't sadistic, or even snide. it was choked-sounding. ❝ despite all of the foul things he did to me, i think a part of me still loves him. i mean there can't be any other reason why i would want to keep a part of him, ❞ there was a long pause then before he sniffled and the sound of crinkling leather once more crept through the recording.

❝ ahh, but you know, you were one of the better ones. it's a shame i have to kill you. ❞ a high-pitched scream soon blared throughout the room in which this was recorded, before the room fell entirely silent. the only sounds after this were footsteps, which were undoubtably barton's, and the recorder being turned off. ]

[teapetal44]

TW: ABUSE, CHILD ABUSE

“He wants to air this dirty laundry to the world does he…? Dabi, you fiend…you’ve been waiting for this moment…when they couldn’t prevent mass destruction…and faith in heroes is wavering.” - chapter 292

I truly, wholeheartedly, believe that MHA as a story upholds the myth of the perfect victim. I do not want to discuss if Horikoshi did that on purpose, or subconsciously because of inner bias – I find no meaning in doing so. For me the execution of an idea, in the grand scheme of the narrative, holds more value than the intention of the author. I’ve also had my fair share of people infantilizing Asian authors in the anime community for their poor writing decisions for one lifetime. It’s patronizing to both the author and the people reading it. Whether or not Horikoshi intended for his themes of abuse to paint the picture they did does not matter, because that’s how it reads as.

MHA puts victims of abuse in narrow boxes and softly dictates what’s an acceptable reaction to said abuse. Victims are continuously walking a tightrope between being deserving of compassion and sympathy and being unredeemable monsters who are too far gone and are only good for martyrdom after being put down.  

Eri fits the clean cut depiction of abuse victims that media usually gears towards. She is untouched by the cruelty around her - she preserves her innocence and kindness. She isn't assertive, but rather meek and passive. She doesn't fight back with force. And when offered help, she is receptive to it. That is not to say that Eri's depiction doesn't have a place in fiction, or that her portrayal can't be representative of the experiences of some - as we all deal with trauma and the inhumanity people throw at us differently. We see the same thing in the portrayal of Fuyumi, who shares many of the qualities discussed above. The same thing applies to her - i personally love the idea of all the siblings having different reaction to their childhood trauma and abuse. It shows that victims are not some type of monolith.

But the narrative treats the "forgiving" or "receptive to help/support" victims of abuse with more grace and with much more kindness. if you are willing to forgive, or the very least be quietly tolerant, the story grants you a happy ending. Forgiveness isn't a bad thing, it is an individual choice - but an abuse victim shouldn't have to do it for them to have a happy ending.

In a vacuum Eri and Fuyumi's character arcs and depictions of abuse are good but it becomes a problem when that's the only experience and type of victim we ever hold in high value or recognize as valid and deserving of compassion. Which the story reinforces.

Touya and Tenko's backstories aren't pretty nor comfortable or easy to sit through. Their responses to abuse aren't either. Reactive abuse is very much real.

[jedi-enthusiasm-blog]

The Many Names of Peace (pt.1/?): Mercy

Inspired by Why We Did Nothing by BairnSidhe

Part I | Part II

CONTENT WARNINGS: THE RUUSAN REFORMATION AND HOW IT PUT THE JEDI IN A TERRIBLE PLACE, MANDALORIAN-JEDI HISTORY AFTER THE RUUSAN REFORMATION WHICH INCLUDES PADAWAN HUNTING. THIS INCLUDES:

Cultural genocide (discussed in detail). The Ruusan Reformation is made much worse here, and the Dral'han/Excision is also commented upon.

Child murder (discussed). Padawan hunting, and how Mandalorians killed children and took braids and beads as trophies.

Corpse desecration (discussed in detail). Lightsabers and Padawan braids and beads are taken from their owners. I realize this doesn't seem important for many of us, but it's very important for the Jedi.

Systematic identity erasure of a mixed race character (discussed). Tarre Vizla's Jedi status is barely known by Mandalorians because House Vizla treated it like a dirty secret.

Please mind your headspaces.

"If you hate genocide so much, where were your people at the Dral'han?" Terith asks with a scoff.

The Jetii stops muttering and goes still. Slowly, she turns, with a movement too fluid for a human. She's shorter than them, very slim and apparently frail, and her blond —almost white— hair is tied in a braided bun. Her eyes, which are a glowing emerald green, are burning.

"Where were we? You're asking me why we did nothing when your people were attacked?" The kage Jedi asks the Mandalorian with a soft tone of voice and a polite nod, looking almost like a respected jaieh accepting a padawan's question.

It is not.

Underneath their buy'ce, Terith's lips curl at her words, at her threat.

Zahara begins to move from one side of the room to another. It's too controlled to be called pacing, but the tension is visible in her movements.

"Not all Jedi are human. In fact, most aren't. There are species with very long lifespans and, considering Force-sensitives tend to live a few decades longer than others of their species, two hundred is far from an uncommon age among Jedi" The Jetii doesn't seem to be answering their furious question at first. "We were not there, Mandalorian, because every sitting member of the High Council during the genocide of your people remembered how Mandalore reacted when they came for us, first."

Drovan, her crechemate, her enishee, her brother of the soul, was a member of the EduCorps. He hadn't wanted to be a Knight, done the math, and decided to free up a space for somebody else. In particular, he was fascinated by the History of the Order. Zahara remembers quiet nights, when she was at the Temple resting after a taxing mission, when she Drovan used to sit down on comfortable cushions and her closest sibling rambled about what he was learning.

She's heard him ranting about the Ruusan Reformation, and the cruel limitations it places on her people even now. She's read it herself, once she began her Shadow training, learning every single restriction in search for loopholes that could be exploited to make the Order's job and life easier.

Her people's memories are long. Kages remember. The Jedi remember. Zahara remembers.

"They vividly remembered when the Republic we served brought down our Temples, when they took us from our homes, when they tried to destroy a whole branch of our Order" Zahara lists, voice cold and eyes blazing, "when they took our armor, our back-up and defenses, when they stole everything but our Lightsabers… and when your people laughed and called it easy hunting."

The Mandalorian pride in Terith's heart wants to protest, to deny the Jetii's words. But she speaks like a scholar in a subject she's clearly well versed in, like a grieving verd mourning the violence against her people they'd known nothing about.

History isn't always kind, Mandalorian history in particular rarely is, but it's always worth learning from. It's something Kyr'tsad and the extremists among the Nu'Mando'ade don't understand, and Terith refuses to make their same mistakes.

So, they swallow the growing lump in their throat, ignore the stone sinking in their stomach and try to listen.

Zahara's voice begins to break away from the calm, even tones of a teacher, and slowly fall into the ragged tones of soul-crushing grief. Her breath becomes shallow and rapid, and air gets stuck in her throat. Still, she continues.

"The Republic had been destroying us for two hundred years by the time of the orbital bombardment on Mandalore, and in that time, the number of Lightsabers and Padawan braids and beads seen on Mandalorian armor as trophies skyrocketed" The Jetii hisses, spitting the word trophies with the same venom he would use to say hut'tuunla or demagolka. "We were trapped, betrayed and dying… and your people murdered our young and desecrated our corpses, and had the nerve to carry the stolen lives of our kin as proof."

The air grows colder, a sharpness in it that's as familiar as her own reflection. The galaxy around her sings with promises of vengeance, of justice. Justice for her enishee, justice for Feemor and his charges, justice for Jaieh Ta'ra's murdered Padawan, for the all Jedi dead during the Mandalorian sack of the Anohrah, for the bastardization of Jaieh Tarre Vizla's story and the systematic erasure of his Jedi identity, for all the Jedi younglings dead at Mandalorian hands.

Not against the Mandalorian that did any of those things, but against a Mandalorian, anyhow.

"Your people sacked the Temple, stole the life and soul of a respected Jedi Master, got two of his Padawans murdered, erased every single hint of his Jedi upbringing, and perverted everything he stood for in life, all because he happened to be Mandalorian as well."

The song reaches a crescendo, the highest notes she's ever heard in a Force song, making her ears ring. The melody sounds off-key, and the final notes become loud and insufferable high-pitched screams. Zahara grits her teeth, and breathes in deeply. The xari in the air slowly dissapears.

She will not take revenge.

She's a Jedi, and revenge is not the Jedi way.

She will not Fall. She will not let her anger act upon her and betray everything she, Drovan, Feemor, Ta'ra and her Padawan, Tarre Vizla and his Padawans have ever stood for.

Zahara will not take revenge because it's not what Drovan would have wanted. It's not what any Jedi would want.

She will not take revenge because it's not as useful and satisfying as the thores of passion lead you to believe.

This Mandalorian is innocent. They haven't done anything wrong. They're angry about their people's genocide and rightfully so. They're ignorant, and ignorance can be fixed.

Words, the sharing of knowledge, bringing understanding when there was previously none. Those are her greatest weapons, and she can wield them freely and with as much efficiency as a Lightsaber.

Terith is frozen in place, mind racing with the desire to be anywhere else, away from this hurting, angry sorceress that sees them as an enemy. The manda in their chest screams, in offense or the pain of dishonor Terith isn't sure.

They wish their buy'ce was recording. That way they could investigate the Jetii's claims.

Everyone and their mother has heard the rumors about the Jetiise. Sorcerers from the Core that don't reproduce like other beings, but take children from their parents and train them to be as emotionless as droids, beings that beat all the love and concern for others out of themselves because they believe attachment is a weakness.

Terith believed them, once.

Now Terith doesn't know what to believe. The Jetii speaks with too much knowledge and pain to be lying, nobody can fake that well, and the air around them both is mournfully singing as the truth of her words sink into the depths of their runi.

Zahara breathes out slowly. Still hurt, but… determined not to Fall, not to take out her grief and anger on someone who's done nothing wrong.

"So" the kage Jedi flashes a polite but completely unfriendly smile, "why did we do nothing when they came for your world?"

Within their battered heart, stung with the pain of dishonor, with the stain on the manda itself, Terith knows the answer before the Jetii says a word.

"We did nothing because Jedi are merciful, Mandalorian."

(Notes under the cut)

Dai Bendu

Jaieh — Jedi Master (rank and role).

Padawan — apprentice, learner, student. Lit "the one who learns". Please picture a Jedi hearing a politician saying "Padawan learner", and containing the urge to eye twich.

Enishee — crechemate.

Anohrah — Jedi Temple, home. Before the Ruusan Reformation used to refer to the Temple the speaker was from.

Xari — darkness, the Dark Side of the Force.

Mando'a

Jetii(se) — Jedi (add 'se' at the end to make the plural).

Buy'ce — helmet.

Verd — warrior.

Kyr'tsad — Death Watch, lit "death society".

Nu'Mando'ade — New Mandalorians.

Hut'tuunla — coward. Very harsh insult.

Demagolka — someone who commits atrocties, a real-life monster, a war criminal - from the notorious Mandalorian scientist of the Old Republic, Demagol, known for his experiments on children, and a figure of hate and dread in the Mando psyche

Manda — collective soul of the Mandalorians.

Runi — spirit, soul of the individual.

Zahara is a kage Jedi Knight, officially a Sentinel and a Finder, which is used to explain why she can be in places she isn't supposed to and bust slave rings without prior Senate authorization. Unofficially, however, she's a Shadow. It's common practice for the Jedi to register Shadows as Finders in order to give them more freedom of action.

Terith is a Mandalorian bounty hunter, but they're very picky about their jobs and have interest in medicine, particularly "mind-healing". They were born in a New Mandalorian family but found greater calling to Jaster and the True Mandalorians and switched allegiance once they were of age. They are mildly Force-sensitive, not enough to become a Jedi and only gives them good instincts.

The Dral'han is the orbital bombardment of Mandalore done by the Galactic Republic in roughly 800BBY. The Republic used Jedi ships, but there were no Jedi involved. Mandalorians believed the Jedi were guilty at first, but the truth was uncovered only a decade later.

Dai Bendu is not my creation. It's a colang, although the story of the language is something I made up. Dai Bendu is the language spoken by the Order of Dai Bendu and, later on, the Jed'aii Order. It fell out of use after the Jedi joined the Republic in 25,000BBY, but came back in full swing during the Jedi-Sith Wars when it was very useful to speak a language the enemy couldn't understand.

I don't know if it's canon, but in this story Force-sensitives live longer than the average of their species. Those who aren't trained only live a little longer (a decade in humans), but for those who, like the Jedi, have training that lifespan increases (three to four decades in humans).

"Free up a space". Taken from the Jedi Apprentice series, where Jedi age out at thirteen and there are limited Masters, and where those who aren't chosen are sent to the Corps. Drovan knew he didn't want to be a Knight, so he requested to be sent to the Corps as soon as possible to give the chance of becoming a Knight to someone who actually wanted to be one. Unlike Jedi Apprentice, however, this is an imposition from the Ruusan Reformation, and the Jedi try to bend this rule as much as possible.

Kages' memories begin forming almost at birth. Zahara remembers with vivid detail most of her life. She's doing an alliteration: she remembers because she's a kage and because she is a Jedi.

This is the "Ruusan Reformation but make it worse" AU:

"Brought down our Temples". The Ruusan Reformation demanded the centralization of the Jedi Order. Therefore, all Jedi were forced to move to Couruscant, and their other Temples were either destroyed or repurposed.

"Took us from our homes." Although Terith doesn't know it, Zahara is being redundant. The word for Jedi Temple in Dai Bendu also means home. She's putting enphasis on how painful it was for the Jedi to lose their homes.

"Tried to destroy a whole branch of our Order." The Shadows were supposed to be dissolved after the Ruusan Reformation was signed. However, the Jedi managed to keep training Shadows in secret.

The Jedi used to have weapons, armor and many defenses besides their Lightsabers, but the Ruusan Reformation ordered their demilitarization and "demilitarization". Among the things they lost were the right to carry their birth cultures' sacred armor and weapons. A Mandalorian Jedi wouldn't be allowed to have armor, for example.

Mandalorians tend to take trophies from their enemies after a battle. This is done both for, well, bragging rights and to respect the memory of a worthy opponent (similar to their remembrances for their fallen comrades). However, the bragging rights part can overshadow the respect for a worthy opponent part, and many Mandalorians hunt down defenseless "enemies" to steal important objects from them. The Jedi in particular were a favored target for these… individuals, seeing as they had no armor, only carried one weapon and were usually alone or in pairs because that's how the Senate decided to send them in missions. The victims were usually Padawans, hence the name Padawan Hunts.

Tarre Vizla's story shows the greatest difference between how Jedi and Mandalorians (at least in that era) treat different cultures and double cultured children. The Jedi don't hide that Tarre Vizla was Mandalorian, everyone knows that he left the Order to rule Mandalore, and know what happened to his armor and what he wanted to happen to his body and Lightsaber. However, Mandalorians either don't know or refuse to recognize Tarre Vizla's Jedi status.

"Sacked the Temple". Tarre Vizla left his armor to his Clan and his Lightsaber to the Jedi. When he died, he wanted to be burned in the Temple (both cultures burn their death, so little to no issue here) and his ashes to be spread on Mandalore. House Vizla, however, did the equivalent of spitting on Tarre's funeral pyre and sacked the Temple to steal the Darksaber.

"Stole the life and soul of a respected Jedi Master". Tarre Vizla was a Jedi, and the Darksaber is his life. House Vizla, however, had no respect for their relative's other culture and did the worst thing they could do to him: killing and hurting his Jedi family, and stealing a sacred item they knew was sacred.

I headcanon that Tarre Vizla had three Padawans. He finished the incomplete training of the first because their Master died, did the whole training of the second and got promoted to Master as a result, and only started the training of the third before he went to his home planet to unite Mandalorians against the Sith Empire. Two of them were killed during House Vizla's sack of the Temple.

"Erased every hint of his Jedi upbringing." House Vizla replaced the Jedi Order symbol on Tarre's armor with the symbol of House Vizla, refused to acknowledge Tarre's desire to be remembered as a Jedi and forbade anyone from speaking about his Jedi status, and never say that the Darksaber is actually a regular Lightsaber they stole.

"Perverted everything he stood for." Lightsabers are a Jedi's life, hold their souls in the same way beskar'gam holds a Mandalorian's. Tarre. Ever since it was stolen, the Darksaber has been used as a symbol of authoritarian and tyrannical leadership, warmonging, imperialism and military violence. It's so fucked up that the crystal is beginning to break (the white cracks, originally the Darksaber was pure black) and, had those who held it been trained Force-sensitives, the crystal would have bled.

Terith doesn't know they're Force-sensitive, but they know their instincts are rarely wrong, and they can feel the honesty and grief coming from Zahara in waves. They don't doubt her precisely because they know she's not lying, she's seeing things as she sees them and, even if she's wrong, it's something Terith believes to be worth looking into.

[frownyalfred]

What if bruce had an abusive childhood ( i love thomas and martha but WHAT IF) and the batkids and clark just find out

I actually have lots of thoughts about this, anon. Not abusive in the sense of like, really overt hidden physical abuse, but the abusive-adjacent childhood of someone growing up into a ultra-wealthy family and all of the emotional distance and insane boundary crossing that happens in those kinds of situations.

Some initial thoughts (not that this is canon or even something I hc, but still pop up in my mind):

Distant parents (Bruce never saw them, except for when they were going to events together)

Bruce was raised by nannies and Alfred (first steps, diapers changed, fed and bathed, etc only by servants)

Strict behavioral expectations even in early childhood (language and music lessons, various etiquette courses for dinners, events, etc. Sitting still for long periods of time without moving or speaking)

Being ignored and/or referred to but not allowed to speak. Paraded out for events as a toy, essentially.

Missing out on childhood experiences like playing outside, getting dirty, playing with other children.

Being sent away from home at an early age to various boarding and preparatory schools, year-round.

The pathway to college, a job, a career was purchased for Bruce before he was even born, and there is no room to deviate from that path.

Punished for normal reactions (getting clothes dirty, making a mistake with cutlery, forgetting to ask permission for something)

Approval from his parents, when he does see them, is contingent upon how he performs for them while they are in public.

An absolute lack of almost any physical contact/affection.

If this was Bruce's childhood (I'm glad it wasn't in canon, it sounds awful) then his parents' deaths must be such a mindfuck. Because those memories are so tainted by his childhood upbringing, but at the same time -- were they good people? Beloved by the public? Was the show they put on in public convincing enough for people not to peek behind the curtain? Did Gotham society treat all ultra-wealthy children like this? Were the Waynes special because of their status?

How did Alfred feel about seeing this happen? Was there an awful feeling of relief when Martha and Thomas died, and he became Bruce's custodian? Maybe he snuck Bruce hugs over the years, here and there -- small cookies or permission to run outside once or twice.

Now, there are far fewer rules. But the damage from those rules is hard to undo, even at such a young age. And the first time Bruce asks him for a hug is the day that nearly breaks Alfred.

[witchtwig]

I think Agatha's grief over Nicholas isn't just that he died. It isn't just over that Rio had to walk him beyond the veil. But it is over the fear and worry that she couldn't be a good mother, that she hadn't been. That the time that they spent together, using him as a lure for witches--she had not been good enough.

She has so long to sit with the grief, I feel like it could easily spiral into that. She places the blame on continuing to hunt witches and use his song. But what about the other deeper fears too--if he had grown up, would he have come to resent her? Because let's be clear, she upped her con after his death, but even if he had lived--she would have kept hunting other witches.

I'd argue even if he had been born healthy without the fear of Rio hanging over them, she would hunt other witches down. Agatha's fear of other witches is deepseeded trauma for her, and she was going to follow that path of power either way.

Agatha's had a lot of time to work up a million different scenarios where she failed him as a mother in her mind, beyond how she feels like she cannot go to see him now. He's very much her one tender spot where she can see herself as doing wrong, because her mother did so poorly by her.

Then add on top of it, she was in love with Death, who had to claim her child. Did she worry it was a way of Rio seeing her as unfit for motherhood, so she was denying her that? Rio who knew her heart, knew the pain of Evanora?

This woman who is a survivor couldn't save herself from this situation. Couldn't have enough power to protect herself from it, to protect Nicholas. She's always protected herself, but this wasn't something she could protect herself from.

I just imagine Agatha's grief as brambles that are so deeply tangled and painful around her own heart.

[another-whump-sideblog]

Fixing Tracy Chapter 19: Merry Christmas!

TWs in the tags

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Masterlist

Tracy can only hole up in her room for so long. She has plenty of food stashed, but she needs to use the bathroom eventually.

Molly is sitting on the couch, fidgeting. She jumps to her feet when Tracy tries to sneak out of her room. “Tracy! Hey, how are you feeling?”

“I just have to go to the bathroom.” She needs to wait until Molly lets her guard down and try again with the handcuffs. Third time’s the charm. That will probably mean acting like nothing’s wrong for a bit, though. “After that we can, um, talk.”

Molly visibly sags with relief and sits back down. "That would be great."

Tracy quickly uses the bathroom before sitting next to Molly. 

"So, I was thinking, dear… it's okay for you to keep the handcuffs. I want you to feel safe, so if that helps you feel safer, then I don't have a problem with it. Obviously, I would have to take them away if you attacked me again, but it's fine for you to keep them for now."

"Thanks."

Molly waits a bit, then continues when it's clear Tracy isn't going to say anything else. "It bothered you that I said you deserve to be here, right? And that you'd appreciate this someday. Are those… things your mom said to you?"

"...yeah." If she can just stop herself from screaming at Molly, Tracy can spin this to her advantage. She can make it seem like this was finally the thing that made her start to open up to Molly. She just has to hold the anger down. 

…Hasn't she tried this before? Hasn't she already learned, over and over again, that Molly will never let her guard down, because she sees removing Tracy's choices as a kindness?

There are degrees to it, though. Molly can't be one hundred percent guarded all the time. She's probably pretty close to one hundred percent right now, since Tracy just stole those handcuffs, which is why it might work to play the part Molly wants when it didn't before. She's never going to be zero percent guarded, but Tracy can aim for lowering it. She knows Molly better now, too. She can do this.

"You never deserved to be hurt, dear."

"I know." 

Deep breaths. She can do better than that. She can play the part; she can be exactly what Molly wants. "I… I realized that I didn't deserve it pretty early on, actually. Alicia was born when I was five, and seeing them do shit like scream at a baby to go to sleep… even a five year old knows that's ridiculous. And once that dam broke, once I was capable of seeing my parents as being in the wrong, I could see that I didn't deserve to be treated that way either."

"That must've been really scary. Realizing that the people supposed to take care of you aren't safe… that's a lot for a five-year-old. Or anyone, really."

God fucking damn it– Molly shouldn't get to act like Tracy's therapist when she's holding her captive! She shouldn't get to act like– like she's the normal one! Like this is somehow normal! Like any words from her captor could ever comfort Tracy! Tears of frustration spring to Tracy's eyes, but she doesn't let them fall. She clenches her fists and grits her teeth. Molly needs to think that Tracy isn't angry at her anymore, or she'll never lower her guard enough. 

Molly puts a gentle hand on Tracy's shoulder. "It's okay to cry. You're safe, you can let it all out."

Tracy squeezes her eyes shut and bites down on her tongue.

Molly speaks like she's soothing a scared animal. "I'm sorry I triggered you by saying those things earlier. It won't happen again."

Tracy yanks away from Molly's hand like it burned her. "Y'know what's triggering?" She can't stop the words from tumbling out of her mouth. "Being trapped and powerless and hurt and then being treated like I'm crazy for being mad about it!" 

Shit, shit, that's the opposite of what she should be saying! She forces herself to unclench her fists and take a deep breath. "Sorry. I'm sorry. I know…" What would Molly say? "...Some triggers can't be avoided. But it's… it's so hard not to be… not to be afraid of you, Molly." Appearing weak and afraid can benefit her here.

Molly makes a small squeaking noise. "I… I understand. I'm glad you trust me enough to tell me that."

Is that enough opening up? She doesn't want to lay it on too thick and make Molly suspicious. "Can we do something else now?"

Molly wipes her eyes and smiles. "Of course! Thanks for talking it out with me. I feel like we've both really grown from having that discussion. Uh… oh, do you like Christmas?"

Tracy doesn't, but she likes that Molly doesn't know that. "Yeah. Is it… coming up?" That would mean she's been here for about three months… There's no way.

"Mhm! What traditions do you like? We could decorate, make gingerbread, watch Christmas movies… whatever you want! Ooh, I think I have a Christmas advent puzzle down here, that could be fun!"

No, Molly must be tricking her. She can't have been down here that long. She won't let on that she knows Molly's lying, though. The goal right now is to get things back to normal. "Could we… work on the puzzle and watch a Christmas movie? And then… tomorrow we could make gingerbread houses?"

"We sure can! Do you have a favorite Christmas movie?"

"No, what's yours?"

"Hm… Have you seen The Muppets Christmas Carol?"

"Nope. I've seen… very few movies in general." She adds that last bit to strengthen the illusion that she's opening up more.

"Oooh, I can't wait to see what you think! I'll put it on."

Tracy has read A Christmas Carol and is pleasantly surprised that the silly puppet movie often quotes directly from it. Still…

"Are all of your favorite movies kids' movies?" Tracy asks during a break between songs.

"I guess? I like movies that make me happy, and usually that's kids' movies."

"Hm." Tracy refocuses on the puzzle. “Am I only doing one section of this today?”

“You can do however many sections you want! It’s the 18th, so stop there if you don’t want to get ahead.”

“You only start celebrating the week before Christmas? You strike me as the kind of person who would start celebrating the day after Thanksgiving.”

“Hah! Is that just because you think I’m annoying? It depends on the year, really. I usually bake a lot and give out treats. If I can get a group together, I like to go caroling, but… I usually can’t. I like to make stuffed animals and donate them to toy drives, too. I’ve been pretty busy this year, though. Christmas snuck up on me.”

Before Tracy can ask if Molly being 'pretty busy' is because of how hard she's been working at ruining Tracy's life, the next song starts and Molly is back to singing along. That's probably for the best.

The next day, Molly comes down the stairs with a bunch of bags. It's mostly candy and sprinkles, with one bag containing ingredients and molds for gingerbread houses.

Molly explains every step in making the gingerbread and frosting, as if Tracy would ever do something like this without the incentive of mollifying (ha) her captor.

"If it's too hard to get the walls and stuff to stay together, we can use hot glue," Molly says. "The frosting is better at attaching decorations than holding the house together."

"I thought gingerbread houses were supposed to be edible."

"They still would be! It's easy to peel off the glue when you want to eat it."

Ew. Tracy is patient and precise enough to get the frosting to work. Molly's keeps falling apart, so Tracy puts hers together, too.

"Have you done this before?" Molly asks.

"Nope."

"You're a natural!"

Once her house is stable, Molly starts using Necco Wafers to give the appearance of shingles on her gingerbread house's roof. Hmm…

Molly made a lot of frosting and specified that this kind isn't super tasty because it's supposed to be adhesive first and taste good second. If it doesn't get used up, Molly will probably throw it away.

Instead of using a piping bag, Tracy scoops some white frosting onto her roof and spreads it out with a butter knife so that it looks like the roof is covered in snow. She finds some snowflake-shaped blue and white sprinkles and pours them over the roof.

Next, she gets some licorice and attaches small green and red candies to it, as if it's a string of Christmas lights. In order to make sure they stick properly, she holds each candy to the licorice until the frosting hardens before moving on to the next one. 

"How did you celebrate Christmas before?" Molly asks, still working on her shingles.

"If Mom and Dad were hosting something that year, we'd decorate everything and have a really nice dinner. If not, we didn't do much." She told Molly she likes Christmas, so she can't share a lot of specific details. 

“Would you want to have something special for Christmas dinner here? I would always make you anything you asked for, of course, whether it’s Christmas or not, but if you want to make Christmas special we can do that.”

“...no, I don't want anything specific for Christmas dinner. Thank you, though."

"Of course! Do you want to decorate the basement for Christmas?"

"No." 

They spend the rest of the day working on their gingerbread houses, and Molly shows Tracy more Christmas movies by playing them in the background while they work. Tracy's favorite is It's a Wonderful Life.

When Tracy is finally finished with the lights, she makes a candy wreath above the front door. It looks nice. Any more on the outside of the house would probably just make it look messy, so she decorates the plate it's on and the inside of the house.

She looks to Molly frequently, to see if Molly's looking at her. Maybe a few more days will be enough to get things back to normal…

She can't get trapped waiting for the 'right moment' again, though. Once Molly doesn't seem to be as guarded, Tracy needs to act quickly.

That'll take a bit, though. She needs to be patient, but not too patient.

"Dear, I have a gift for you, and I finished it sooner than I expected. Would you want to wait until Christmas to open it, or would you be okay with opening it tomorrow?" Molly asks before going upstairs for the night.

"...tomorrow is fine." Might as well get it over with. There's nothing Molly could give her that she would enjoy other than her freedom, and Molly's definitely not giving her that.

Molly grins. "Wonderful, I'll bring it down with me tomorrow!"

Molly comes down the next morning with a box wrapped in Christmas tree themed wrapping paper. Tracy gently unwraps it and opens the box. It's… a stuffed animal. A toy. Tracy scoffs as she takes the stuffed animal out of the box. It's a wasp, another reminder that Molly stalked Tracy so thoroughly that she even knows Tracy's favorite animal.

Getting a closer look at it, she can see that it's homemade. And… very detailed. It even has the simple eyes on the top of its head in addition to the compound eyes, and the coloration is more complex than simple yellow and black stripes.

Tracy doesn't have any use for a stuffed animal. It's a stupid gift.

But… has anyone ever worked this hard on a gift for Tracy before? Has anyone ever given her a gift with no purpose other than to give her something?

"...how long did this take you to make?"

"It took a good chunk of time! I mean, this one only took a few hours, but I couldn't find any patterns that I thought were good enough, so I had to figure stuff out through trial and error."

"Why? I never expected a gift from you, and you have no reason to believe I'd like or use a stuffed animal. Why would you spend all that time? You know I'm not going to be polite and pretend I like it. This is a stupid gift, so why?"

Molly’s face falls. "You don't like it?"

"I just– I don't understand. What do you get out of this? Out of any of this? Why are you spending so much time and effort on things I don’t want? I'm not getting anything out of this, and all you're getting is being yelled at, so why?"

“I want you to be happy, dear. I don’t need gratitude or praise.”

“I’m not happy!” Shit, she can’t be doing this. Molly needs to think she’s given up. She looks down at her feet, as if embarrassed. “I… I do like it. I’m sorry for lashing out. I’m not used to… people doing nice things without expecting something in return.” Ugh, that’s cheesy.

Molly seems to buy it, though. “Oh! I— yeah, I can see why that would be scary. I don’t expect you to do anything for me in return. You don’t owe me anything at all, dear.”

She certainly doesn't. Still, she tries to relax a bit, as if she's relieved. "Really?"

"Of course! You could rip up your gift right now if you wanted, and all that would happen is I'd be sad. I didn't give it to you because I wanted something from you."

That's definitely a lie. People don't do things for no reason. What Molly wanted was to feel good about herself, and she'd have taken that from Tracy's reaction regardless of what it was. The only reason she doesn't expect Tracy to give her something in return is that she can just take what she wants either way.

Molly needs to think Tracy believes her, though, so Tracy continues the act. "I, um… can I have a hug?" 

"Yes! Always!" Molly hugs Tracy tightly. Tracy can feel the cattle prods beneath Molly's sleeves digging into her back. Still, it's easy to fall into the role she's playing and melt into Molly's arms.

It's hard to tell how guarded Molly is right now. She never seems suspicious of Tracy, but she also always seems to know when to take out a cattle prod.

"I'm… sorry I've been… difficult," Tracy says softly. "I can't promise I won't lash out at you again, but… I want to try… to get better."

Molly ends the hug. She looks intently into Tracy's eyes. "I'm glad to hear that. You don't have anything to apologize for. Can I ask what changed for you to feel this way now?"

"...I've given up. I have no hope of escape. Isn't that what you want?"

"Why did you give up?" Molly presses.

"I'm… I'm so tired. I want to rest. I want to have no responsibility, like you said. You're right about everything."

"I… listen, dear. I don't care if you're trying to manipulate or trick me. I want you to feel safe. I didn't want to call you out on it, on the off chance that you were being genuine, and there's nothing wrong with trying out different ways of behaving to see how it feels, even if it doesn't come from a genuine place. But… I don't want you to feel… Just know that I see that you're acting differently from normal. And I like you, Tracy. I'll continue to like you no matter who you decide to be, but I hope you don't interpret me following your lead as me preferring you a certain way. The amount that I like you and love you doesn't change. That's all."

Stupid, stupid. Saying Molly was right about everything definitely took it too far. Molly's never going to be less guarded, because Tracy is too stupid to convince Molly she's not a threat.

She was never going to escape through wits. The only way out of this is brute force.

Tag list: @whumpyourdamnpears @watermelons-dont-grow-on-trees @iamheretohurt @toyybox

[0809sysblings]

Amane, indoctrination, and gaslighting

and why voting Amane innocent would be the best course of action

I've been wanting to write a big post on Amane talking about indoctrination and such. Because I see takes sometimes that make it clear the person doesn't really... Get It.

Most of what I'll be explaining comes from my personal experiences growing up.

Additionally, most of what I say when it comes to outcomes (i.e. "If x happens, Amane will do y") will be based on the assumption that realism, not entertainment, is prioritized in the writing and that there are no major holes in our knowledge of what's going on. Theoretically anything could happen since this is a fictional scenario and we don't know everything when it comes to the world, the cases, and the characters. Not to mention my situation was nowhere near as extreme as hers. So although I probably have a better understanding of it than most people, I definitely can't claim that I know what she's gone through.

Personal anecdotes I add to better support my points will be in the small font (this!) since I don't want them to distract from the main text and so that they can be easily skipped for those who may be worried about being triggered. But if anyone needs plain text descriptions, I'll happily provide them!

!! TW for child abuse, religious abuse, and cults !!

I recommend skipping my personal anecdotes if more detailed discussions about these topics are a trigger for you.

At the heart of "good" (read: successful) indoctrination is gaslighting.

Since gaslighting has been one of the many psychology terms completely watered down and distorted by the internet, I will define it just so we're all on the same page!

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation used to make the victim question their own sanity, sense of reality, or power of reasoning.

Basically, you can't trust yourself. You can't trust your thoughts, your feelings, your interpretations, etc. You become completely reliant on other people (usually specific people who are the ones doing the gaslighting) to figure out what's real/true or not.

Toxic/extremist religious groups like to take gaslighting a step further though. Not only do they make it so you cannot trust yourself to judge what is right or not, they may also teach you that what feels wrong is actually right. You can see where this can start to cause some issues lol.

Anything your gut may tell you that contradicts what the group/cult leaders tell you—"this is wrong!", "this is bad!", "I don't want to do this..."—must be ignored. Because those feelings and thoughts, according to the leaders, are actually the sinful part of you trying to lead the good and faithful part of you astray. They make you question yourself to make sure you never question them.

They will figuratively or literally beat this into you until your first instinct is no longer to listen to your gut and do what it says, but to dismiss it and do what it's telling you not to do. Existing becomes a chronic power struggle between your unconscious mind and your conscious mind. Unfortunately, the fact that you're struggling often then gets used against you as proof that you need to follow their teachings. Because if you're unhappy, then you must be doing something wrong. You just need to have a little more faith, dedicate a little more time to the religion/group, go a little harder into your duties... Only then will you feel better—feel more enlightened.

An integral part in making all this work is isolation. If you don't somehow isolate the members, they may figure out that they're being manipulated and abused.

Now, isolation doesn't always mean purely physical isolation (though Amane is being isolated physically to at least some capacity). Psychological isolation is almost just as powerful. An almost universal psychological isolation tactic used by extremist groups and cults is the "Us vs Them" mentality. We can see this being very prominent with Amane. A lot of things she talks about with regard to the cult involves an Us-vs-Them dynamic. There is "Us", the cult, and "Them", everyone else.

Personally, we were taught that those who weren't believers of our religion were out to get us or will, at the very least, get us hurt/killed somehow. We were told many people wanted us dead just for being believers. You had to be careful and watch out when interacting with non-believers; you couldn't trust them. God was constantly testing you via others, and you had to make sure you stayed faithful.

This in particular is why no matter if you vote guilty or innocent, that itself will not actually do anything to change her beliefs. Voting her guilty will not make her start to feel bad and then question her beliefs. Voting her innocent will not make her listen to us and then question her beliefs. If we make her have any doubt about the cult, that's just proof to her that what we're telling her is wrong and is just another "trial" from God for her to overcome. So, changing her beliefs should not be a factor considered when voting since it's completely irrelevant. Everything can be twisted to support the cult. That's just how it works.

I don't think any amount of punishment will make Amane "come to her senses". I mean... what could we possibly do to her that she hasn't already had to endure? Punishment will likely only escalate things even more. Not to mention that having a bit of a fascination with martyrdom isn't all that uncommon in those who have been religiously abused and indoctrinated. The threat of punishment may only serve to motivate her to double down on her beliefs and behavior. Not to say she wants and likes punishment. It's obvious she's both scared of punishment and wants it to stop. After all, that's most likely the motive behind the murder.

Even prior to Amane's age, I was already fantasizing about being a martyr. A part of me almost wanted to be killed for my religion and community. It was seen as something extremely admirable. The ultimate sacrifice, if you will. We were taught that if given the choice between saving yourself by denying your faith or letting yourself be hurt/killed by standing your ground, you should choose the latter. Of course, I also did not want that to happen at all. It scared me shitless. But we weren't allowed to be scared about that stuff. It was seen as questioning God and the religious authorities, which was completely taboo. So I had no choice but to "want" it.

Isolating Amane is the worst possible thing we could do to her. No one gets better from being isolated, and this goes double for people living in abusive environments. She's been isolated her whole life. The best thing for her would be spending time with the other prisoners without restrictions. The more time she spends around people who have no connection to the cult, the better. Trying to argue with those in cults about why they're wrong and why they are in a cult (because most don't even recognize they're in a cult due to the gaslighting, indoctrination, and stigma) will almost always backfire. The best thing to do is to just be there for them to have someone to interact with who is not a cult member.

The only reason I left the extremist religious community I grew up in was because I made a friend who was not affiliated with it. I don't think I would've been able to see that the conditions I was living in were Not Very Good without that friend. He didn't even really do anything to actively help me. Just learning more about the real world through him was enough to make me start looking closer at my life.

To vote her guilty would be to continue isolating her. Not just physically as the guilty prisoners get restrictions put on them, but it's also an inescapable psychological isolation. Innocent vs Guilty is just another Us vs Them dynamic.

I fear that, if she ends up guilty this trial, she will likely be voted guilty again in trial 3. Her aggression will probably only escalate as she feels herself becoming more and more cornered. And since I know many people are voting her guilty solely to make sure she doesn't hurt Shidou or other prisoners, I can only imagine what the voting will look like for her in trial 3 once she's forced to become even more aggressive to protect herself.

And tbh... I can't imagine that having a prisoner with 3 guilty verdicts will make for all that interesting of a story for them. Not that it would be boring, per se. But having variety would, in my opinion, be the most interesting and entertaining! So, if nothing else I've said has been able to sway those who vote her guilty, then think about the entertainment factor!

Please vote this severely traumatized 12 y/o girl innocent. We can give her so many secret cakes to eat.

[fiendishfyre]

One popular fanon hc (cw child abuse) I greatly dislike is that Walburga (and sometimes Orion) used the cruciatus curse on Sirius (and sometimes Regulus). A curse so screwed up, it drives people to insanity. And yet...Sirius is sane. In fact he went to prison notorious for making one lose their mind and yet he still is sane..... Not saying for people to not use it but it's not sufficiently backable given what we know of in canon. So it does fall into fanon/extreme headcanon and a sirius having experienced that would be ooc (out of character) because it would scar him immensely.

Some think it's canon. (Funny how they use that from supposed canon yet dismiss everything else and act as if marauders fandom was build from nothing....) but it's not. (I also have a whole opinion on Black family using curses in general to punish their kids but that's separate.)

[good-beanswrites]

A little alternate scene to @kyanako5972 's Amane request. I like the other drabble a bit better regarding how things would actually play out, but I couldn't resist trying something that included Fuuta. He's Amane's closest friend. He's the other person to openly say he'll go after a child and not give them special treatment. He literally looks like the orange cat she saved. I couldn't cover it all but there's just so much going on with them. Warning for references to Amane's cult/abuse mindset.

“Jeez, you scared the crap outta me…” 

Fuuta looked up to find Amane standing over his bed, staring intently as he woke. Amane knew he was doing his best to appear upset with her for the intrusion, but his grimace could be mistaken for pain in his condition. 

She knew she didn’t look much better, an eyepatch tucked under her short hair and bandages circling her body. It had taken all her strength to rise and make her way to his cell. She was used to walking off a bit of pain, but this was a different level altogether. 

She opened her mouth. She had come in here with a mission. She had her speech prepared. She didn’t write it out like her father was known to do, but she did rehearse it a few times quietly to herself, as she’d seen from him. 

Fuuta had listened to her when no one else would; there was a chance her passionate words could convince him to reject that doctor’s evil work and find the light. They could shed these bandages together, becoming pure and following their intended paths. She’d already tried removing her eyepatch several times, but there was always someone there to put it back on. It had been hard to fend off so many overbearing adults, the way her body screamed at her each time she tried. She despised them. She was suffocated by them.

But with Fuuta by her side, she could do it. There was power in numbers. Her mother, Es, Kotoko – all of them thought she was wicked. They weren’t important. They were only human. She could still be a good girl, in the ways that mattered. They could be good together. 

“Kajiyama Fuuta.”

“What?”

But the words caught in her throat. 

His voice was so weak. It was nothing like the way he spoke to her before. His eyes dulled with exhaustion, half-hidden under ginger hair. She couldn’t keep her gaze from the makeshift sling Shidou had put together with one of the bedsheets. It didn’t look much different than her own handiwork. The thought brought with it a surge of pride, which immediately made her tremble with shame. 

He had changed so much. This wasn’t the same person she had found camaraderie in before. If only she could help him. If only she could save him.

No. There was a right way and a wrong way to help him, and she mustn't be led astray. She had come here to help in the right way. Thoughts spun rapidly through her mind. Her trembling worsened. Her chest ached, and she couldn’t tell if it was from the emotions or the broken ribs. She just had to follow through. She had to be good. She had to –

“Stop being creepy,” he wheezed. “Just spit it out.”

“I – I have to go.”

She spun around. She could save Fuuta another day.

“Oi, Amane.”

“I said I have to go.”

“I'm sorry.”

She paused in the doorway to the cell. She glanced back at him, curious.

“You have nothing to apologize for.”

“I’m just... Sorry that happened to you. It was a fucked up thing to do.”

Amane shook her head. She held her chin high. “It was meant to be, and thus, I can bear it. You must, too.”

Fuuta's laugh turned into a cough. “You’re a weird kid. But tougher than I gave you credit for.”

Amane couldn’t meet his eyes. “Thank you.”

[another-whump-sideblog]

Tracy Gets a Call

TWs in tags

Masterlist

Tracy answers the phone on the first ring. It's Mark, which means it's about Alicia. "What's going on?"

"We can't find her. She came home from school a few hours ago, and we thought she was just hanging out in her room since then, but when we went to get her for dinner, she wasn't there. We searched the house, called for her, and called her phone, but we couldn't find her. I figured we should check with you before calling the police."

"There's no need for that. She likely never left your house. I'm coming over." She hangs up. "I have to go. Family emergency."

"What? Tracy, how many times–"

Tracy is gone before her manager finishes his sentence. It'll be faster to run to Mark and Dave's house than to get a cab or wait for a bus, so that's what she does.

She doesn't bother knocking when she gets there, just opens the door. "You really shouldn't just leave this unlocked." She pauses to catch her breath. "Do you have a crawlspace?"

"Why would she be in the crawlspace?"

Tracy rolls her eyes. "Just show me where you can enter it."

They show her to a trapdoor in the coat closet. She drops into it and crouches.

"Alicia? Hey, it's me. I won't let anyone hurt you. Can you come out?"

There's quiet for a moment, but then a rustling comes from her left. Alicia crawls over to Tracy. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry–"

"You haven't done anything wrong." She helps Alicia out of the crawlspace, then lifts herself out and guides Alicia out of the coat closet. "What happened?"

Alicia is covered in cobwebs and dust, holding a paper to her chest. She's clearly been crying. When she sees Dave and Mark, she hides behind Tracy. Tracy shoots them a glare.

"What did you do?" She snarls.

"Nothing!" Mark's tone makes Alicia flinch.

"Nothing… that we're aware of." Dave corrects.

Alicia stands on her tiptoes to whisper in Tracy's ear. "I– I got a B on a math assignment."

"And they hurt you??"

"No!" Alicia protests before Mark gets a chance. "They didn't do anything. I was just scared. Please stop yelling."

Tracy wraps a protective arm around her sister and tries to think through her next move. It's important that she can be friendly with Mark and Dave; she would never want Alicia to feel like she has to choose between her sister and her foster parents.

Tracy clears her throat. "I'm… sorry I jumped to conclusions." She's not, but when has that ever mattered? 

As for the actual problem… Tracy doesn't trust Mark and Dave, but she doesn't think they demand perfection the way their parents did, either. Their parents expected 100% on every assignment, if not more. Mark and Dave let Alicia drop classes that stress her out and encourage her not to spend more than an hour on homework per day. They won't punish Alicia over getting a B.

"You should go get showered and change. I'll take care of this." Tracy tells her. She wants to make sure they don't give her any shit about the grade.

"What? No!" Mark softens when Alicia recoils in fear. "We're not… we would never hurt you. I just want you to see that. I want you to confront what you're afraid of and see that it's fine so that you don't end up hiding in the crawlspace again the next time something scares you. Tracy can't solve all your problems for you."

Alicia trembles in Tracy's arms. Tracy scowls. He won't let Alicia leave, so they'll just have to get it over with. "She got a B on an assignment."

She scans their faces for any sign of anger, ready to tear into them at the slightest hint of disapproval, but they look… sad?

"Honey… we would never hurt you for any reason. And a B– a B is a good grade! We're proud of you." Mark steps closer, and Alicia doesn't shy away.

"...really?" Alicia sniffles.

"Of course!" Mark smiles warmly and Dave nods his agreement.

Alicia lights up in a way Tracy's never seen before. She tries to wipe some tears off her face, but stops when she remembers how dusty her hands are. Tracy wipes the tears for her. "You're really proud of me?"

Tracy's stomach twists. Why didn't she tell Alicia she's proud of her? Has she ever told Alicia that?

"We're so proud of you. If you're feeling better, why don't you go take a shower like Tracy suggested?"

Alicia nods. She gives Tracy a hug. "Love you."

"Love you too. Are you going to be okay? I can stay if you want."

"Wait…" Alicia looks over Tracy. "Did you leave work to come see me?"

Tracy's still wearing her work uniform. "Yeah, but–"

Alicia's breath hitches. "I'm sorry, I didn't– if I'd just been normal they wouldn't have had to– what if you get fired because of me??" 

"That's not going to happen. It's okay. I'll go back to work and smooth things over. Go get showered, okay?"

"Okay." She forces a smile, but it's clearly not as genuine as when Mark said he was proud of her. Tracy'll have to make sure to change out of her uniform before coming next time. "See you later."

Tracy does, in fact, get fired. Oh, well. She has no regrets.

Tag list: @whumpyourdamnpears @watermelons-dont-grow-on-trees @iamheretohurt @toyybox

[moonmaidensblessing]

I love Mystra as a character 100% she is an interesting character and I adore a morally questionable woman with my whole heart in fiction but I’m trying to get why ppl get so up in arms about her. The concept of a god having a relationship with a mortal is nothing new; I wrote a paper last semester comparing Gale to Odysseus from the Odyssey for the very reason they both had relationships with goddesses. It’s an age old situation in storytelling and it’s not going anywhere.

I want to posit the idea that Gale’s specific dynamic with Mystra is meant to say more about his character than her, though, since he’s a major character. His relationship with her is meant to tell us how powerful he is as a magic-wielder and his connection with it is beyond what the average magic user could ever dream of (looking at you, Rolan). He is written in a way where his hubris could easily lead him down a bad path as it had done several times for him already. He is messing with things beyond his scope, though, as he learns more and gains more power. A line I always feel people ignore is the one where he admits Mystra gave him a boundary, appropriately seeing what it was (Netherese magic that had almost killed her before), and tend to majorly focus on the fact that she asks him to sacrifice himself with that same dangerous magic. I mean, i can see a perspective that she sees Gale as potentially dangerous since he disregards her request ultimately for his own purposes. Keep in mind that he not only has the parasite, but the orb would not be kept docile forever. He became dangerous not only to himself but to anyone unfortunate enough to be too close should something happen. He poses an immense threat after crossing Mystra’s boundary (his exact words in the game) to Faerûn, the Weave itself, etc.

Does this make Gale evil? No. He had the potential to be misguided, though, in the story, and I think that’s the writers’ point was how easy it can be to fall from might and grace with a few bad choices.

To be frank, the dynamic between Gale and Mystra is already at a power imbalance. It isn’t like the other characters’ relationships with their respective gods because they do not have a romantic/sexual relationship with them. That is a curious distinction, which would lend to it being an unusual practice in the pantheon of the gods. However, not in the world of literature, I reiterate. Odysseus has intimate encounters with several goddesses in his journey, but the power dynamic is written a lot differently than how Mystra and Gale are written.

If it is not common practice for the gods to have intimate interactions with mortals, then it stands to reason that it is a discouraged practice among them. We hear a line in the game where Gale says Ao would not permit Mystra to interfere with their quest directly, and it makes me believe there are rules for the gods when it comes to behavior and actions. For some reason, Mystra is permitted to have romantic relationships with her worshippers, and I have to wonder why that is. Apparently it isn’t common for her to pick someone, either, as she only chooses the most powerful magic users, her chosen ones. And that’s where we start to run into the power imbalances.

In a way, Gale seeks the missing magic for Mystra to feel equal to her, a dynamic that would never change no matter what he did. Who is really to blame? The one who wasn’t content in his role, or the god who appointed him to that role in the first place? Was Mystra trying to influence Gale to stop him reaching beyond mortal limitations, fearing (for him or perhaps herself even) that he would go too far one day just like Karsus before him? Did she have valid reasons to fear for herself and the world of magic, or was it a selfish act borne out of fear of losing control of her realm and devotees? I don’t think people are thinking this deeply about it.

I think why it bugs me in a way that kids keep giving her the “bitchy mean girl” treatment is because it sort of cheapens the intent of the characters and what its supposed to mean to the story. I mean It’s funny but I cannot look at a single piece of fan art online that features her without 15 ppl all unironically claiming acts of violence against a video game character. I guess its ultimately harmless, and it’s good they are able to recognize the harm that is present there, but it feels like a simple, immature take just all on its own.

Oh and I definitely hate the take that Mystra groomed him. That makes me pretty sick, and it isn’t a one to one comparison at all. I sincerely doubt that was the writers intention at all, and as someone who was it makes me pretty mad to see. But I understand since most of those saying it are most likely children who don’t have a full grasp of it. Grooming is intentionally selecting a person with little to no agency, usually a child, and trying to influence them into inappropriate situations. I feel like comparing that dynamic to grooming demeans and lessens the importance of it in real life. Gale was not a child, he has agency in his life, and it’s cheapening even to the character to imply he had no control over what was happening to him. Unless I’m missing some crucial piece of lore here, I don’t think Mystra picked Gale as her chosen and romantic partner to make him find Karsus’ tome and unleash the magic that nearly killed her and destroyed all magic.

I get it, though, why young people jump to that conclusion. Again, I’m glad that they see the surface level issue. I’m glad they can recognize danger and harm. That’s good. I’d never discourage someone, especially children, in being vigilant with those sorts of things.

And of course all this said not so much in defense of Mystra (though I love her as a character) but more in defense of the people who wrote it. This game is so well written and it’s one of the reasons why I love it so much. The fact that I CAN write an essay for class about it makes me over the moon and goes to show just how much depth and meaning is present.

[mad-hunts]

and if i told you all that, in the universe that gerard way came up for batman (called kingdom of the mad), the way that barton's bio dad ended up dying was BC barton accidentally killed him in a fit of rage... what would you all say (also, his father was alive + still doing the whole 'hunting trips' thing with him until he was thirteen years old, so he's even more significantly effected by his father's influence. yeahhh... as you all may be able to tell, i've been thinking about this a lot LOL)

[woodsborostabathon]

okay, so… thinking abt this further because i saw the most egregious examples of this today on youtube and the sheer disgust has just not left me quite yet.

i hate, hate, hate all the stupid little tiktok censorship words/phrases with a passion. like, they genuinely invoke some kind of rage in me if the context is serious enough. it really wouldn’t matter much if they were contained to that app (bc i simply don’t have it anymore), but w the way ts has spread… downright demonic.

and i know why it’s, like, a thing. because yadda yadda your videos get shadowbanned yadda yadda they get taken down. ok yeah. whatever. sucks for yall.

but if you’re gonna come onto another platform that doesn’t do all that mess and start throwing ts around there… you have zero business talking abt whatever it is you’re dancing around at all. none whatsoever.

like i literally do not care if that ‘affects your reach’ anywhere else. that doesn’t matter. it literally doesn’t. suck it up! because at the end of the day, that is absolutely not an excuse to come into, like, the comments section of a news report of a real life crime and say shit like ‘the victim was lured to her unaliving’ or ‘the unaliver’s father is a convicted grapist pdf file so(ffender) arrested for possession of corn-’ like it’s normal and a-okay and doesn’t absolutely make light of a real, horrific situation.

you can argue for intent all you want, or go with the ‘ohhh but it’ll get censored’ excuse, but there’s just no way that discussing the details of actual abuse/crimes with a vocabulary straight out of r/boneappletea to try and dance around the matter won’t come across as minimizing.

[shrimplymoray]

Neurodivergent, traumas and of sorts headcanons for creepypasta

Why? cuz obviously a bunch of traumatized psychos who live in a manor together can't not be neurodivergent and/or mentally ill in some way.

part 1 of some. idk when i'll make more but i like these.

feat. Jeff the Killer, Homicidal Liu + Sully, Jane the Killer and Ticci Toby

TW: Trauma discussion, Child abuse, PTSD discussion.

Jeff the Killer

Jeff and Liu grew up in a heavily catholic family, so you can imagine for a very emo and punk kid like Jeff it was hard to deal with.

Jeff, in my au, has Bipolar disorder, beside anger issues, and due to his family (excluding Liu) belief it was "the devil doing this to their son", he is neglected any sort of mental help.

Due to this religious trauma of being dragged to churches and being treated with physical violence for his likings and attitude, Jeff never learned a good coping mechanism, and resorts to violence to relief himself from his negative emotions.

When he is in a specially depressive episode, he tends to isolate himself and do the bare minimum to be alive.

But on his maniac episodes, he tends to be extra aggressive and violent. It was in one of those that he did his first killing spree.

Homicidal Liu and Sully

Like i said, Liu and Jeff grew up in a very catholic family. While Jeff's likings collided a lot with their parent's beliefs, Liu's were more accepted, albeit reluctantly.

Their parents had very high expectations of Liu, and whenever Liu didn't meet those, he was phisically punished.

Liu, was very distant from both of his parent's, due to fear of them, and he also didn't have many friends due to the excessive times his family moved in and out of cities.

Liu due to the physical abuse, reclusiveness and lack of attachment to anyone, including Jeff on his earlier years of life developed DID.

He only learned about DID, after Jeff's attack, when he was 15, though.

Besides DID, and him meeting with Sully, his protector, Liu also has heavy insomnia issues and PTSD from beds. Due to that he has a coffee addiction.

Sully, after being split, held a trauma holder role on the system. He grew very angry at Liu's parents, and slowly but surelly started having a more protector role, not only for Liu but, at the time, for Jeff.

After Jeff's attack, Sully grew even more bitter and split himself again, his trauma holder role staying with one part and himself, Sully, staying as a protector. That's when Liu noticed how sociopathic Sully grew.

Jane the Killer / Jane Arkensaw

Jane, before the Jeff incident, was completely normal. The max she had was one or other little insecurities with her appearance, but she had a safe and healthy childhood and family.

She was shy, but nothing that would be deemed worrysome.

After what Jeff did, whoever, her insecurities with her appearance ran out of the roof.

She always covers as much of her body as she can, too worried about anyone seeing her burnt scars and almost leathery skin.

She has an immense hate for Jeff, obviously, but she is extremely empathic with the ones that got hurt by him, including inside the manor by some reason and other people who were hunting him down, like Sully for example.

After her kidnapping, and even before that, after Jeff's burning alive, she grew a extreme anxiety disorder, and regularly does trades with Ann to get medication for it without having to notice Slenderman or the proxies.

She has heavy traumas of kidnapping, torture and tends to have panic attacks when assigned something like that.

Ticci Toby

Toby, of course, has Tourette's syndrome, as stated by his killer name.

Though in this au, Toby's main motor tics are more concentrated on his face, like multiple repeated blinking. Other tics he has is jerking his head to the left, stomping his feet, and turning his eyes around.

On the vocal tics category, he mainly ends up repeating sounds, while rarely he may repeat a word or whistle.

He also has CIPA, and that is what made him be so enthranced by fire since a young age. He didn't feel the burnt or the hurt, he only saw the pretty colour of fire.

Toby has some heavy trauma of cars, which results in most of his missions he walking to his victims. He only accepts entering on a car if another proxy is the one driving, and he can't be on the front.

Toby also has heavy trauma of drunk people, so most times on the comemorations inside the manor, he will stay in his room or outside putting something on fire.

He copes with most of his traumas and fears and honestly anything he can by putting stuff on fire or throwing stuff at people and getting away with it by being a proxy.

Happyness is in the little things <3/j

Toby also has ADHD, with an emphasys on the hiperactive.

He has trouble remembering stuff that are not written down, so if you hear an alarm going off in the middle of the night, it's probably Toby trying to remember something.

i'mma stop here because i got tired lol but this was fun.

[lookslikethatsallthetimewehave]

If Poptropica weren't targeted for kids, I think Raven and Edgar's interactions would be legitimately called into question... especially considering he's shown hypnotizing Edgar in the actual game.

You know what? Yeah, you're right. Their relationship can be seen as very suspicious, and... creepy, honestly.

Reminder: Edgar is an orphan/runaway child who joined Raven's carnival.

Raven is (unfortunately) the one taking care of Edgar. And Edgar 100% trusted him.

But thankfully Poptropica is for kids, so we don't have to consider any potential offscreen creepiness. It's totally innocent 😇 more or less.

[desertsportshipping]

I see you reblogged that post again and I've been meaning to send you something, so here goes: How about you tell us about a recent/new headcanon you particularly enjoy and/or something you want to write/draw, but haven't had the time to yet?

@cipher-legal-and-ethics-dept 💜

Gonna put this stuff under the cut, cause it's lore that I've been hinting at but this is the first time I'm spelling it out. Trigger warnings are in the tags.

In another post, I mentioned the fact that Wes is the only one in Orre with the slave brand. I also mentioned in the shadow Wes masterpost that after becoming a shadow, Team Snagem treated him a lot differently, like property rather than a person.

It was after the shadowing that the upper members of Team Snagem started sexually abusing Wes.

He doesn't remember most of it, but it shaped his worldview that everything, including his body, is a tool to be leveraged in service of his "owners". He will make "trades", letting people assault him in exchange for something. Frequent offenders include Agnol (for throwing the match in the Deep Colosseum and getting the prize money) and Cail (for drugs).

Yes, this was continuously happening in the background of the storyline of Colosseum proper. Rui had suspicions of what was going on but she never confronted Wes about it. She had the awareness of knowing that she was not equipped to help him, that she needed to get help in order to deal with Orre's abyssmal rape culture.

When Wes left Orre, he arrived at Galar with a lot of baggage and a very warped perception of how relationships should work. Leon has to be the one to help Wes unlearn all the toxic bullshit that had been put in his head as a result, and show Wes what love really feels like.

Now to rapidly pivot in the other direction: Leon became Galar's champion at the age of 12. He was a child star. He was absolutely sexualized as a child.

Leon was able to use his aura powers and some neat showman tricks to keep creeps at bay, but he's still aware that they're out there. He's also aware of the fact that his uniform and how he was presented as a kid and teen pandered to the creeps, and now his image is locked into it.

Naturally, because of this, he's learned how to keep his Champion mask high, not showing any vulnerabilities and pretending that he's okay with the sexualization.

(After 8 paragraphs of preamble we finally get to the new lore)

All of these defenses stem from one incident in particular. Soon after becoming champion, Rose manages to get Leon alone. The first time Leon weaponizes his aura powers, its while Rose is molesting him, in order to drive him away before he got any further.

Rose was drunk and doesn't remember this happening, but Leon definitely does.

Like a responsible child, Leon told Mustard what happened. Unfortunately, the former champion couldn't do anything, but what he and Honey did do was teach Leon how to protect himself from Rose and any other creeps who tried to hurt him. This does include a very thorough lesson on consent, which definitely comes in handy when he meets Wes.

Sure, there were some road bumps, like the toxic situationship he was in with Raihan for a few years, and the fact that he's still sexualized and has to perform. But he's mostly okay (read: in denial).

While Leon knows what he's gone through (and continues to go through) isn't comparable to what Wes has gone through, he can empathize with him. Now they can properly heal together.