#tw: birth trauma

[rosiehoney]

I was happy in January of 2020

And we got a home to move to

And I got pregnant

And I got HG and was trapped in bed, and afraid

And I got PGP and couldn’t walk much at all

And the birth was 30+ hours labour

It was an emergency assisted delivery

And my son wasn’t breathing when he was born

And I haemorrhaged

And we spent a week in hospital

And I developed PTSD

And post partum everything

And my body wouldn’t heal

And the flashbacks wouldn’t stop

And I stopped working to raise a baby

And I started again while still being a full time stay at home parent

And my mother in law became a huge support

But then she got sicker and she died

And then I grieved harder than I expected

And my husband and I stopped talking much

And work kept drying up

And no one seemed to hear it

And no friends came knocking

And everyone seemed to disappear

And the loneliness and the fear became the entire thing

Every waking moment

And when I write it in a list like this I can forgive myself the unhealthy habits and the crying

Because of course I am tired and lonely and scared

[deliver-the-light]

Oh my goddddddddddd 😭 somebody sedate me

tw: discussion of infertility/child loss

Doing some timeline stuff and trying to figure out everyone’s ages made me realize how odd it is that Henry/Nerissa are so much older than Luxa.

Which lead me to think about courting/marriage/childbearing customs in Regalian culture, especially in regards to the royal family. Which made me realize that Luxa’s parents probably were married and trying for heirs before the kings younger brother (Henry’s father) would be starting his family.

So why are Luxa’s cousins years older than her? It also doesn’t make sense that her parents would have only had one heir. It’s very common to make a few spares (even in peace times). They didn’t die until AFTER Gregor’s father fell. Luxa would have been somewhere between 9-10 years old. The fact that she doesn’t have siblings is very telling.

Luxa’s parents struggled with fertility issues for at least 5 years before her birth and for about 10 after. That’s why Luxa’s name doesn’t match her family’s tradition of naming children after Shakespearean references. She IS their Lux, their light.

I am not okay.

[truths33k3r4]

(Warnings for this chapter are at the bottom of the page to keep from giving away spoilers.)

CHAPTER 8 - Deceptive Answers

Don cringed as he thoroughly sprayed down the empty trash bin, acting as if the fragrant, lavender scent would banish the acrid stench back to the pits of hades from whence it came. After the third round of air freshener, he slowly backed away from the bin with a cautious frown.

He proceeded to spray it down four more times.

Why did it have to be vomit…

As he walked to the kitchen sink he gently pulled off his latex gloves, neatly folding and placing them on the counter as he began to run the tap. After years of learning about germs and how to abolish them, he knew well that it didn’t matter if you washed them with hot or cold water. But even with this knowledge, it still brought him a slight ping of delusional comfort envisioning the hot temp burning the germs right off his hands.

That’s definitely normal.

He didn’t care all that much for the gooey sensation of the soap when it first puddles in his palms, but with a few quick scrubs, the sticky texture expanded into soft peaks of foam. The warm water mixed with the luscious suds did wonders for his dry hands. Thanks to the colder weather beginning to creep into the city, his home’s air had been stripped of its moisture. As a result, the skin of his hands and ankles cracked like the barren grounds of a scalding desert.

In other words ew.

With the last stage of washing his hands complete, drying them and folding the washcloth over the railing near the sink, Don began the trek back to his office. As he neared the doorway of the brothers’ bedroom, he paused.

Just move quickly. No big deal. Just ‘ninja’ your way around. Get to your office without attracting any unnecessary attention. Orrrr getting involved in any more emotional drama… Easy.

With a quick inhale, and his face tightened with concentration, he slowly took one silent step after the next, continuing his way down the hall past the bedroom. As he crept, little pieces of whispered conversation fluttered past his ears.

“...Lotus, what are you talking about?” 

Don instantly recognized the soothing tones of his oldest brother.

 “You are free. You made it out. We saved you. Shhhh, it’s alright.”

Don’s brows creased together as he paused to figure out what had happened to spark such concerned words from Leo. Going by what he said, the eldest wasn’t referring to Lotus being sick. The word “free” especially intrigued him. He continued to stand frozen as he leaned closer to the doorway, his curiosity now overriding the mission to get to his office.

“N-no… No, They…They’ll never go away…” A small voice cried in muffled whimpers.

Don’s mind began to process Lotus’ words one at a time; Every vowel and every fluctuation were filed into neat shelves in his brain.

Who’s “they”? Going by how we found her, she must be referring to the scientists at the lab, right? But what does that have to do with her being sick? Did those physician abominations give her something to make her ill? 

“Who, Lotus? Who won’t go away?” Leo gently whispered over Lotus’ smothered sniffles.

Don leaned closer. No verbal answer was given to Leo’s question, the silence only being filled by the frantic shuffles of sheets being pulled back and forth. 

“I.. I don’t… I don’t want to talk about it. I c-can’t.” Lotus pleaded as her voice continued to crack and splinter under the weight of whatever was haunting her mind. “I just c-can’t.”

Don’s posture physically slumped as he listened to the fear-stricken shivers of Lotus’ voice. The way her words jittered and broke in shards sounded all too familiar to him. She was so scared, but there wasn’t anything physically present that would make her react that way.

That left whatever was plaguing her to be something lurking deeper. Don couldn’t help the defensive snarl that escaped his teeth.

It has to be nightmares… That’s the most reasonable explanation for such behavior.

He knew that well, being reminded every night of the horrors he and his twin were forced through. Even though they were home. Even though they were safe. Even though it made no sense that the past has such power over the present.

And now he sees he’s not the only one.

How long was she there?...  How long did she live under the microscope of Specter’s prying eyes?

Don failed to suppress a shudder through his body as he was forcefully pushed into his own memories of the nightmare laboratory. His hands instinctively rose to cling to his shoulders, rubbing them down in an attempt at comfort. He clenched his teeth and closed his eyes, willing his mind to forget all those horrific memories that plagued him, but it was all for naught.

His twin’s screams echoed in a terrible chorus that consumed all his thoughts. 

A sickly, neon green glowed through the barrel of a syringe.

His chained wrists ached and burned from being yanked through long corridors.

His terrified face looked back at him through the reflective surface of dark-tinted lenses.

His body shook violently as an electrode was pressed into the left side of his head.

His vision erupted in white static when the nurse pressed the button.

NO! STOP IT- NOW!

IT’S OVER. STOP LETTING THIS GET TO YOU.

IT’S OVER.

Don gulped down the dread and anxiety clogging his throat, burying it deeper into the places of his heart he dared never to go. The chill of his memories forced another shudder to claw its way up his spine, leaving him gripping tightly to his arms and shaking his head. His legs shivered and buckled underneath him as if the weight of his memories added to his physical mass.

It’s over. That’s enough.

Don leaned and used the wall to stabilize himself, relying on the firm surface to steady his rampant thoughts as well as his shuddering body.

Just move. One foot in front of the other. 

With a withered sigh, he pushed off the wall and continued walking, blocking out the rest of the hushed conversations escaping the bedroom.

 I can’t deal with that right now. I just can’t.

Leo’s got it. He can handle it.

With his mind completely focused on simply reaching his office, he didn’t even attempt to sneak past the bedroom. It didn’t matter if they saw him, anyway. This was one of those pesky things that he just… couldn’t fix. 

So why try when it’s a waste of time? When there are others who are far more equipped for such a task?

Soon after, he finally reached his office, carefully closing the door behind him as he walked toward his desk. With a sigh, Don flopped onto his computer chair, causing a quiet squeak to fill the compact room. He leaned into the firm cushion of his chair as the whispered hum of the computer filled his ears. For a moment, just a small moment, Don took the second of mental silence to look around his room.

His gaze immediately rose to the high school certificate hung proudly on the wall closest to his desk. He remembered how excited he was to have such an accomplishment under his belt at the young age of sixteen, rubbing it in Raph’s face with a smug grin. His twin nearly shattered the frame before Leo and Splinter intervened. 

So much has changed.

As his eyes began to wander again, he suddenly caught sight of a small, blue sticky note left underneath the frame of his certificate. Don leaned and squinted his eyes as he read,“Please remember to drink! -Leo”. 

A cozy warmth filled Don looking at the note left there by his brother. It embraced his heart and settled his mind, leaving the faint feeling of a grin growing on his face. Don turned to his desk and took a good swig from the glass of water left there since that afternoon.

His eyes continued to wander, soon catching sight of his calendar and notes posted on the wall near his door. He again squinted his eyes, and even fixed and cleaned his glasses, but that all proved to be useless. He still couldn’t read very well, and it was beginning to drive him crazy.

With an annoyed growl, Don scooted and rolled his chair closer to the wall. He would have to figure out his sight problem some other time, no matter how many sparks of dread began to pop in his stomach at the thought of his vision once again failing him.

Shaking his head to repel any more worthless memories from entering, he once again gazed at the notes neatly stacked on the wall. Most of them were just phone numbers of the “co-workers” from his job. 

But then he finally saw his calendar. And the warmth that once thrived inside him vanished instantaneously. 

Leo’s words echoed back to him as he began looking over the wrong amount of days crossed out, reminding him just how much time he had lost.

“Eighteen days.”

For eighteen days he didn’t help his family.

For eighteen days he didn’t keep up with the repairs of his home.

For eighteen days he didn’t show up to work.

For eighteen days his family tirelessly searched for him.

For eighteen days you failed them. Weeks of worry, dread, and longing plagued your family all because of your absence. Did they even have fresh food this whole time? Did they have to resort to drastic measures? Did they have heat? Did any of them sleep? 

Don crushed his head under the clutches of his tightening fingers. 

How much pain did he inflict on his family all because of his carelessness?

Don hunched over in his chair, pulling his legs up to his plastron and pressed his head onto his knee caps. He squeezed tighter and tighter until it hurt.

How could I let this happen?

Why did You put me in this family if You knew I would FAIL THEM?

He pressed his head further into his knees. His arms clung tighter around his legs. His lungs begged for oxygen that he couldn’t supply. 

“Why?...” He whispered brokenly.

Just at the moment he felt his head would burst from the pent up energy and pressure, a soft *ding* sounded from his monitor. He couldn’t recall what he had been processing on his desktop, so he slowly lifted his head from his knees, gazing over to his computer as he dropped his feet back to the floor.

Then it clicked in his brain, and he shot his legs out to propel himself off the wall to his desk. After slamming his hands against the ridge to keep from crashing into the small table, he took a millisecond to gather his completely shattered mental state so he could focus on the task at hand. 

This was something he could fix.

His fingers comfortably found their rhythm clacking on the keyboard as he finally opened the files coded into Lotus’ implant. He was surprised to see so many, at least a hundred or so lined up in neat rows. Each one was labeled similarly, with the title “SUBJECT 19- PROCEDURE #”. 

As curious as he was to begin looking deeper into those files, one in particular caught his eye, labeled two simple words:

“SUBJECT INFO”

That should be promising.~

With his mind made up, Don swerved his mouse and clicked. The file opened to reveal many different types of documents: Blood types, heartbeat readings, and many more medical related data.

If Don weren’t so disgusted by what these felons had done, he would actually be quite impressed with how well organized all the information was. 

He pushed that feeling aside as he continued scrolling.

“MEDICAL HISTORY”...

“DIAGNOSES”...

“TREATMENT PLANS”...

Holy French Toast there’s SO MUCH… I’m gonna need weeks just to go through this all!

“MEDICATIONS”...

“TEST RESULTS”...

“PROGRESS NOTES”...

Down, down, he continued searching through them, just trying to find the end of the treasure trove of knowledge about his family’s new guest.

“IMAGING AND DIAGNOSTIC REPORTS”...

“IMMUNIZATION RECORDS”...

And then his cursor finally stopped. And at the very bottom of the list lied what he was searching for:

“VITAL RECORDS”

There you are.

Don clicked the file as he hunched closer to his monitor, the feelings of anticipation and dread filling him as he wondered what he was going to find. Lotus would finally get some semblance of answers about her past now. And from what he’d seen of the wounded girl, he knew she needed some good news.

The first document to pop up on his screen was a newspaper clipping.

What? 

The article showcased some kind of vehicle, flipped over and ablaze on the side of a dirt-paved road. All the dates on the paper were crossed out, as well as the last names of anyone involved. The cover read in bold letters,

“FAMILY OF FIVE KILLED IN UNFORTUNATE CRASH”

Don’s head cocked in utter confusion as he began reading through the article. He began clicking his tongue as all his concentration zeroed in on every word of the story before him. 

Somehow this connected to Lotus. And he was going to find out how.

The article stated that during a particularly rainy, spring night, a family of five, (husband, wife, and three children), slid off the road and flipped their car over. When help finally arrived, as well as the Press, the car was being swallowed by unrelenting flames. Only two bodies were retrieved, that of the husband and wife. Their names were Frederick and Jess, but their last name was crossed out. 

All that was left of their two toddlers and baby were scorched car seats. 

Don backed away from his monitor in horror, covering his eyes with his hand and sliding it down to his chin. The images of the husband and wife’s bodies hidden under sheets made his stomach tighten with sorrow. He squirmed in his seat, both guilty and grateful that he had never seen or heard anything about this tragedy.

All it took… was one thing to go wrong.

… And then… everything was gone. Everything. That poor family…

The rest of the article continued on to review the woe of their family’s relatives, as well as the following funeral that would occur at a later date. (A later date that was meticulously scratched out to be indecipherable.) 

Why is this in her records?...

After finishing reading through the article, he moved on to the next document in the file:

A birth certificate.

Don muttered an annoyed growl as he noticed that this document had been thoroughly crossed out too, with the only things left reading:

Alexis?... Is that Lotus’ birth name?... But… this is an official document by the State of New York- 

A human certificate.

Don’s brain whirled all this new information around his mind like an indecisive tornado. Nothing was making sense. No puzzle pieces were lining up. How could he be given so much information and none of it is useful?!? Here he thought those psychos with medical degrees were organized and thorough in their research- Here he thought he was finally given a buffet of answers ready to be feasted upon at a moment’s notice. How wrong he was to think this would be easy.

If he’s learned anything in his sixteen years of being a teenage mutant ninja turtle, it was the fact that easy never seemed to be an option.

His shoulders fell as he let out a sigh filled with disappointment. None of this would make Lotus feel better… If anything, it could make things worse. 

If these documents are true… 

Don pushed away from his desk, dropping his head onto the rim of his chair as the weight of the answers given to him pressed further into his mind. His chest ached and his head spun with the implications of the documents.

Was Lotus born as an actual human? 

Did she truly once have a family? 

And how did the newspaper article connect to this?

Was she in that crash? Did she escape the fire? 

Instead of clicking into place and revealing the steadfast truth, all that these answers had done was scatter the pieces of this mystery further apart, deepening the chasm that remained of Lotus’ past.

That's it for this chapter!! And now all of you get to really see the base mystery of my story. :) Hopefully these small pieces of the past will help you theorize what you think happened to Lotus and who you think she is. :) I was ECSTATIC to show you all this chapter. I'm honestly quite proud of how it came out, and I am so excited to delve deeper into the mystery of Lotus' past.

Feel free to reblog and share this!

BIG THANK YOU to @poetique823 for helping me and encouraging me through this chapter! Also apologies for uh... breaking you. XD

@writer-in-wonder, @allyheart707, @oddartistl3, @risebabyx2, @joyjoygorl, @carrots-bear, @howtotrainyourdragonprince, @jasminegazer, @indieyuugure

If you want to be tagged in the next chapter, please comment down below! :)

To God be the glory!

~ Melissa

(CW- Implied past deaths, trauma, mention of medical trauma!)

MASTERPOST <- PRIOR CHAPTER NEXT CHAPTER ->

[rainbow-sunshine-unicorn]

No but is anyone else thinking about how Anthony feels when Kate gets pregnant?

Because he's elated, of course he is, he's been participating in heir-making activities quite enthusiastically, and of course he loves that baby from the moment he learns of its existence because it's theirs, his and Kate's

But, the last time he saw a woman give birth, it was when Hyacinth was born and his mother nearly died from complications during the birth and a surgeon was asking him to choose whether he wanted to save his mother or the baby all the while he was still shrouded in a haze of grief after losing his father in front of his eyes and having the responsibility of the entire viscountcy thrust upon him

Because it's all I can think about, especially when I think about his utter terror when Kate was stung by a bee and how he blamed himself for Kate falling of her horse when that wasn't even on him?

Can you imagine how utterly terrified he must be about things going wrong?

[mingot-studios]

Am I the only who gets kinda triggered when Ginny, Bonney, and Kuma get portrayed as a happy loving family?

Not that I don't WANT them to be happy, but the problem I have is that it completely ignores the fact that Bonney is a RAPE BABY.

It reduces Ginny to just being a mother to Bonney, and wife to Kuma. WHile ignoring the fact that Bonney was FORCED UPON HER AGAINST HER WILL. No one wants to address the trauma that would have on Ginny because they don't want to acknowledge the grim reality of the situation in favor of they so-called "nothing-bad-happens-au". (Which is ironic, considering that Ginny HAS to be captured and RAPED in order for Bonney to exist at all)

RAPE IS NOT SOMETHING TO BE BRUSHED UNDER THE FUCKING RUG. IF YOU DO ANY AU WHERE GINNY SURVIVES YOU BETTER FUCKING ADDRESS, YOU SICK FUCKS!!

[choices-binglebonkus]

Trauma is only ever really portrayed in horror books. ILITW, ILB, BB, even NB to an extent all portray trauma in a relatively realistic and consistent manner.

Noah in MTFL was nearly murdered by a policeman yet still readily goes on a vacation with the man who sent the police after him in the first place.

The Endless Summer gang have experienced countless atrocities. Their families and friends all burned alive in lava. Quinn went into a coma and nearly died. Raj, Grace, and Diego were taken hostage by the Vaanti. The group was hunted down and nearly killed by the Arachnid. So much happened to them that just…didn’t traumatize them at all, apparently.

I honestly think Riley’s situation is the most ridiculous though, and I’ve posted about it before. She was assaulted by a known murderer who escaped and was on the loose in the palace, which then forced her into labor in the middle of a ball full of nobles and royalty alike. She was then stuck in labor for HOURS without ANY medical attention or an epidural, and then suffered from eclampsia which literally could have killed her. And then when the doctor finally got there, she had to give birth after hours of pain and high blood pressure STILL without any form of pain relief. And then (presumably after dealing with the afterbirth, which isn’t actually shown in the story) after she nearly DIED, she learns that her newborn infant’s future has just been signed away to save her life. And somehow she just…goes about her merry way without any trauma or complications or whatever.

Pixelberry probably didn’t portray any lasting trauma or complications because society doesn’t like talking about trauma surrounding birth and pregnancy. In the eyes of society, birth is always a beautiful, joyous miracle where all the bad, unhappy, icky stuff goes away once the baby is born. Because actually being realistic and informing people with uteri of all the trauma and complications they can face might force them into…*gasp* making an informed decision about deciding to have a child and how they’ll do it!

My biggest criticism with choices is that they have this mc go through something super traumatic and then they move on so fast!

How did Riley from the royal heir not have postpartum or any postpartum complications? She almost died giving birth!

Mc in open heart watched people and her friend almost die and she almost died and she had one chapter to deal with it and then moved on!

Like where’s the time to deal with a traumatic incident, instead everyone’s like oh no that’s so sad.. anyway!

[compassionatereminders]

opinion—when someone says that they don’t want kids, people should shut the fuck up instead of bringing in the “you’ll change your mind when you’re married” bullshit. I’m sick of it and I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s actually been traumatized by the whole conversation to the point of constant nightmares about forced pregnancy and childbirth. I don’t care if I wrote that I wanted kids in an essay when I was fourteen, that was seven years ago. Let people decide if they want children or not and then keep your fucking opinions to yourself.

Also, second opinion—raising your children to be baby machines and telling them they’re not allowed to use headaches as an excuse for something because they’ve “overused” that excuse, and that they’re not allowed to say “please, don’t “ is fucking weird and setting your kids up for shitty relationships.

excuse the swearing, i just needed to get that out. Thank you for your time and for what you do. I hope you have a lovely day.

Yes, pressuring people to have sex and then children regardless of whether they actually want to is horrible and needs to end now!

[uncanny-tranny]

I would give up my immortal soul if it meant that journalists, publishers, writers, family, friends - just everybody - would stop with the whole trans person's chosen name followed by "formerly known as [unused or dead name]"

[pinkinsect]

do you think that ness could get a Little bit self conscious when reading fantasy novels in front of people. do you think that some people who know ness incorrectly clock him as Bearer Of Religious Trauma from that

[homoquartz]

horror movie birth/rebirth was a touching story of lesbian motherhood tbqh

[neon-pink-leitner]

TW: Vent post. Mentions of ptsd, ppd, past pregnancy, labor induction, c section, medical trauma

I will forever be angry on how absolutely no one tells people who gave birth that it's possible to get ptsd from

I will forever be fucking pissed at the risk factor screening that I took. It was the first and only time I was honest about my mental health to a doctor due to how important I knew it was.

No one ever followed up on it. I know for a fact I was at high risk for PPD and that was before being medically assaulted during my induction. Before a student fucked my epidural up.

And I absolutely hate that almost 8 years later I'm still up at what(for me) is 2am because my anxiety is so fucking bad.

[lilitophidian]

GET IT OUT OF ME.

GET IT THE F U C K OUT.

The banshee cries with dread.

In pain.

Rupture the link of sharing a body with a PARASITE.

FEASTING ON THE INSIDE.

A shrieking leech ripped open her canal. Tearing flesh separated portions in certain locations.

THEY'D BE ONE UNTIL REGENERATION.

A GAPING FUCKING HOLE.

She would scream in anguish as her own hands ripped at her pristine body. Tears contain poisonous acids and essential fluids.

Nobody was permitted to see her in such a state, including her beloved, who had placed this INSIDE OF HER.

SHE WANTED TO WRAP HER HANDS AROUND HIS THROAT AND STRANGLE HIM UNTIL HIS FACE WENT PURPLE.

CASTRATE THE DEVIL.

Growling, groaning upon the satin sheets as they were drenched in her disgusting grime. She experienced a sense of violation.

This was not beauty.

Beautiful life to be ripped from her as it wailed for the first time. Lungs full of breath, pleading for comfort.

Lilith could only conceal her face. Weeping will resonate across Hell's dominion. She curled into a fetal posture, similar to the wiggling newborn, and closed her eyes to catch her breath.

Sigil would emerge, her eyes glowing crimson as she debated devouring her infant. The crunch of exquisite tiny bones and the snap of the neck just cease the AWFUL NOISE.

No... No...Maintain your composure. This child was important to you.

Her hair is crimson, much more so than the liquid flowing forth between her legs. A remembrance of your past.

Soon, she would carefully prop herself up with twisted gestures to glance over her infant.

RAGE WILL CONSUME YOU.

The act of turning against oneself in order to protect the child. She would gradually separate her legs as they shook, making a powerful fist inside herself as her razor-sharp claws sank in to take control.

More cries followed as she moaned in misery. The fledging shrieked alongside her, determined never to remember such terror.

As the hand tugged lower, blood gushed out, covering everything. She would howl demonically and animalistically as she bared her teeth.

A moment of pause.

Let us not drown the kid in gore, even though it surged against her like floodgates. The spray soiled everything it came into contact with, even that small face that so closely resembled THAT FUCKER WHO IMPREGNATED HER.

As she wrenched the uterus away from its anatomy, she felt freedom in her palm. She would hold it aloft while a mild, dizzy feeling overtook her. One she had not felt in years since her back slammed cement on the Pentagram-painted ground.

Her snake-like eyes would look down upon fresh innocence, and she would snarl quietly... She stuffed her bits and pieces into her lips without hesitation. The meat was to be consumed mercilessly, as if a starving beast had not eaten in days, notwithstanding minor moans.

After such, she would be swallowed and linger down her throat. She would push her fingers back in to scratch and DIG INTO WHAT WAS LEFT.

I F E E L F U C K I N G R O T T E N

Least... She did not injure her baby, right?

[scarfacemarston]

Hey there! How’s your trip going? I have a question for you. What do you know about c-section procedures in the late 1800’s?

In my fanfic, my reader character is a doctor and I have an idea where she has to help a difficult baby delivery.

I was doing some research but someone closed all the windows I had open that I was reading. I know you bring a historical aspect to the fandom and I’m curious on your thoughts.

So, as you know by now, my trip is over. It went alright! It could have been so much worse. So, I actually studied pregnancy, childbirth and maternal and infant mortality extensively last year for the national park service. They wanted to know how to tell stories about the women who endured the process, so I'm a bit confident in my answer. C-Sections have actually been around since the Ancient Roman times, but were exceedingly rare to perform. They were seldomly used in the medieval times, but it almost always ended in the death of the mother, the baby or both. There were a few lucky instances in the 1700s of doctors able to perform the surgery successfully, but again, this was rare. It isn't until the late 19th century that C-sections were becoming more widely studied. However, your doctor oc will not be able to do a c-section. It is literally impossible at this point by "yourself" (meaning the reader.) C-sections were not the norm at this point because it was near guaranteed death for the mother. You only did it if you were fairly confident that the baby would survive and the mother gave her blessing - knowing she would die. The shock and blood loss were the main reasons if infection didn't take her later and too many doctors at the time did not know about hygienic practices. I have a doctor OC as well and he wouldn't be able to do it, either, so don't feel bad. Now, since this is fanfiction, you're of course free to do as you please, but your oc and my oc would not be able to perform a c-section. They would need advanced equipment and staff to assist as well as a reason to do so. By this I mean that not everyone was "allowed" a C-section. They were reserved for certain women. Strangely, it was mostly upper class women, but upper class women were also difficult in that if a doctor failed, there would be strong consequences. C-sections were not often taught in medical schools until late 1800s and even then, the uptake was slow because of the risks involved. By the early 1900s, this was becoming a more common practice. If your oc is a woman, she is not likely to receive this education. There were female doctors then, but the medical world was hesitant in educating women surgeons. (I have a pair of siblings, female and male that are doctors and that's something I've written about.) That doesn't mean she couldn't do it "back alley" style, though. So unless your OC has a team of doctors, lots of the latest tools and equipment and the advanced know-how, your OC is not going to be able to save the life of the mother and the baby. Perhaps the baby, but not both. I have sources if you'd like them, but it's heavy reading.

[ss-prose-poetry]

Tolerance

My body was rearranged,

Viscerally, literally.

They stuck my back with needles

But missed the spine several times.

One attempt

Left my leg engulfed in fire, pins,

A raging pain that

Made me want it separated, removed.

The next seemed to numb me.

Some.

They said it was enough.

I had to trust them

Because I couldn’t stand another hour.

When the scalpel pierced me,

I worried.

I wasn’t supposed to feel that.

It didn’t hurt, per-say,

But I wasn’t supposed to feel that.

Tugs. Pulls.

Even though it was gentle,

I felt I was coming undone.

“You should feel pressure.”

I felt I had descended into my own personal hell.

I remember crying in shock,

The silence before I could muster

“It hurts.”

(I couldn’t stand

Any food with noodles for about a week.

I hated you for making spaghetti.)

Once the hard part was complete,

Once my treasure, my love, was removed,

All turned to darkness.

I sometimes think

I died back there.

(Even if I know someone hit a button

Convoluted in some connection to my arm.)

They told me I almost did.

They told me she could have without the procedure.

She was perfect, of course.

I felt worse than ever,

Unsure all my pieces

Would ever really

Go back in place.

“I have a low pain tolerance,”

I had said.

“I’m going to cry. It’s not your fault.”

I remember thinking,

And my—

My was I right.

How I have wept many times since then

And I wonder

If I came back right.

- Shae Saltgrave

[msevangeline-evans]

[ciswoman and she/her] Welcome to Aurora Bay, [EVANGELINE CAINE EVANS]! I couldn’t help but notice you look an awful lot like [NATALIA DYER]. You must be the [TWENTY-SIX] year old [MUSIC TEACHER AT AURORA BAY ELEMENTARY SCHOOL]. Word is you’re [SELFLESS] but can also be a bit [GUARDED] and your favorite song is [SHE USED TO BE MINE BY SARA BAREILLES]. I also heard you’ll be staying in [SEABROOK QUARTER]. I’m sure you’ll love it!

pinterest || playlist

tw: parental abuse, medical trauma, mutism, alcoholism, age gap relationship, domestic abuse, birth trauma

@aurorabayaesthetic

Full Name: Evangeline Bridgette Caine Evans Nickname(s): Eva, Eve, Evie Age: 26 Birthday: October 24, 1998 Astrological Sign: Scorpio Place of Birth: Salem, Massachusetts Parents: Laurence Evans & Ada Evans *Siblings: Older Brother, Westley Evans (26, twin), Amelia Evans (23), Lucus Evans Children: Benjamin Caine (2) Pets: N/A *Relationships: Harrison Caine (38) - ex-husband Scars: A few small, scattered scars from her years of abuse Tattoos: N/A Other Physical Distinctions: Seemingly perpetually cracked lips Sexual Orientation & Gender: Heterosexual and Heteroromantic ;; Cis Female Occupation: Elementary Music Teacher @ Aurora Bay Elementary *subject to change as roles are taken

bullet points

tw: parental abuse, medical trauma, mutism, alcoholism, age gap relationship, domestic abuse, birth trauma

○ evangeline bridgette evans was welcomed into the world a mere fifteen minutes after her brother on october 24th, 1998. the two were ushered into what was perceived to be the perfect little family (which, at that time consisted of their 'movie star' beautiful mother, their police officer father, and their older brother.) three years later, their little sister amelia would be born which rounded out this picture perfect brood.

○ both of the twins showed a proclivity for music at a young age. while westley gravitated towards the piano, evangeline found herself entranced with the cello. sure, it dwarfed her thin frame to an almost comical degree but there was something about the way it sounded when the strings were strummed that brought her to the happiest place her mind could conjure. anywhere she was, it was said that the sweet sounds of the romantic instruments were not far behind.

○ it was obvious something was wrong with the small girl from the moment she was born. she had always been a sickly child, eyes and cheekbones unnaturally gaunt for a person her age. though it wasn't until one afternoon, while at school, evangeline remembers playing on the playground one moment and then coming to on a stretcher inside an ambulance. the girl had had a heart attack at seven years old. the doctors were dumbfounded. it took months of appointments, invasive tests, and waiting for test results before the evans' finally had their answer: hypertrophic cardiomyopathy or a thickening of the left ventricle of her heart. the worst news? it would only get progressively worse over time. thus began her isolation (to make sure she wasn't overexerting herself to the point of doing any further damage).

○ evangeline didn't mind being taken out of school or spending all of her time at home. as the true introvert of the family, her room was her natural habitat anyway. her days were filled with reading (as an avid and insatiable bookworm), schoolwork, and her beloved cello. the only place she went outside the house was to her multiple doctors. but again, she never minded or resented this fact. home was her sanctuary after all. well, it was until that fateful night changed everything.

○ she recounts it like it was yesterday: their father going after her and wes like a raving madman, the bottle glittering under low lighting, the cut across her beloved brother's eye, and his body planted firmly between her and the monstrous figure that was heaving ragged breaths just inches from her face. that image replaced every earlier memory of their father for her; though not a kind or patient man, she never thought he would be the very beast that he became.

○ the guilt she feels that wes put it upon himself to take the brunt of the abuse haunts her to this day. sure, laurence has left her with scars of her own but nothing compared to wes' menagerie. she knows there will never be enough words to describe both the gratitude and guilt she has for her twin.

○ once the abuse started, evangeline developed selective mutism. she would really only speak to her siblings (wes especially) during her episodes. its something that still pops up today, though much more infrequently.

○ the teenage years seemed to awaken a rebellious streak in the evans kids, all except evangeline. what could sweet, sheltered, quiet evangeline get up to after all? it turns out quite a bit, after all.

○ it was at her cardiologist's in 2016 that she met the new medical resident working at the office: harrison caine. he was kind, attentive, and gentle; everything a girl raised on fairytales could want in a partner. but he was also her doctor, twelve years her senior, and currently in a very serious relationship. none of that was a deterrent enough to stop them and they began their affair that year and continued it for six years.

○ in those six years, evangeline got her degree in music theory and began working for a private school in salem (adding to her list of places she'd go besides home and the doctors). she wasn't ready to leave wes or her mother. she couldn't. not when their father's wrath could deploy at any moment. evangeline had gotten the calls from their aunt, the not-so-subtle pleading to come to safety. but she wasn't leaving without wes. at least, that was the original plan.

○ in may of 2022, evangeline discovered she was pregnant and a few months along at that. she was terrified but when she finally got the courage to tell harry, he assured her it would all be alright. that they were going to elope. evangeline was dumbfounded. he was still dating (and, now engaged) to his partner, he had a job here, and he was talking about giving all that up? he continued to reassure her that this was for the best, that this would get her out of there safely and she could finally live a life away from constant fear. and to a girl who hadn't experienced many emotions other than pure terror in the last few years, it was an intensely enticing offer. so, with a written note all that was left of her (knowing all too well about wes' overly protective nature when it came to the men in his sisters' lives), she and harry ran off to connecticut and were married in june.

○ december 1st, 2022: the birth of her child was one of the most terrifying days of her life. because of her heart condition, she found herself almost losing her life trying to bring them into the world. thankfully, with the help of an emergency c-section and a week of a hospital stay, her and her baby were able to go home to her new life. her son, who she named benjamin westley after her beloved twin, is her absolute world. she treasures him, especially considering he will probably be her only child as the risks would be far too great to take again.

○ the home the caine's went home to was not the home evangeline had imagined nor was it the home harrison promised: it might as well have been the mirror image of her childhood home. it started out inconspicuously enough. a few harsh words followed by profuse apologizing. but the words soon became yelling. yelling became back into a corner. backing into a corner became shoves. and shoves became the deja vu of how her father used to go off. to complete his transformation into an echo of her father, harry's social drinking became drinking to take the edge off, then drinking to function. she was mortified to find herself back at square one. only now, she had a son looking to her to protect him.

○ evangeline wouldn't let anyone know what went on behind the doors of their picture-perfect home with the white picket fence. she'd send messages to her family, assuring her everything was alright. all of her pictures expertly hiding the dozens of empty wine bottles or the new watercolor of bruises left on her skin that grew ever paler. there was a part of her that believed if she projected her life to be perfect, that it would eventually get there. but no. behind the beautiful curtain of the friendly neighborhood cardiologist and his lovely, if not shy, devoted wife and his rambunctious son lied a house of horrors.

○ six months ago, a single moment snapped inside of her. harry crossed a line within her by trying to go after their son for some minor thing she can't even remember. and though her interfering resulted in the worst attack yet, one that left her forbidden to leave the house for days (he had always been so careful to not make his abuse obvious on her body), it was her wake-up call. she couldn't let benji live in a home like hers. so, that night after harry had passed out, she contacted her aunt and wes then proceeded to tell them everything. her aunt flew down the next afternoon and got her out of the house with the help of some police escorts. and after months of divorce court, custody battles, criminal charges, and a restraining order evangeline found herself now divorced from harry and he had lost all rights to their son. she was free.

○ since she was free, she and her aunt made arrangements for her to come to aurora bay. as if by fate, the local elementary school was in need of a music teacher after the holidays as their beloved mrs. errol was forced into early retirement after a fall. so, with a job, her brother, her sister, and a new extended family waiting her, evangeline is ready to start the next chapter of her life.

wanted connections / plots

so, this girl is brand spanking new to aurora bay. like kell and I are talking about threading her and wes meeting up again new lol. so when I'm looking for connections, I'd like to more talk about possible future connections or just muses you think would vibe with her well. but if your character had ever spent time in salem/knew the evans family or had visited connecticut in the past two years, we could do some retroactive connects there!

[beckthetyphlosion]

Chapter 2, part 1, is finalized.

I require the confidence to proceed with the posting.

Viewer discretion advised for graphic bloody violence, nudity, graphic depiction of birth, etc.

Well, as much as Tumblr will allow...

Jeff's safety has been confirmed. ZALGO would not authorize harm to its Embodiment of Ire; however, minor exceptions may be considered.