#tw: birth trauma

[rosiehoney]

I was happy in January of 2020

And we got a home to move to

And I got pregnant

And I got HG and was trapped in bed, and afraid

And I got PGP and couldn’t walk much at all

And the birth was 30+ hours labour

It was an emergency assisted delivery

And my son wasn’t breathing when he was born

And I haemorrhaged

And we spent a week in hospital

And I developed PTSD

And post partum everything

And my body wouldn’t heal

And the flashbacks wouldn’t stop

And I stopped working to raise a baby

And I started again while still being a full time stay at home parent

And my mother in law became a huge support

But then she got sicker and she died

And then I grieved harder than I expected

And my husband and I stopped talking much

And work kept drying up

And no one seemed to hear it

And no friends came knocking

And everyone seemed to disappear

And the loneliness and the fear became the entire thing

Every waking moment

And when I write it in a list like this I can forgive myself the unhealthy habits and the crying

Because of course I am tired and lonely and scared

[deliver-the-light]

Oh my goddddddddddd 😭 somebody sedate me

tw: discussion of infertility/child loss

Doing some timeline stuff and trying to figure out everyone’s ages made me realize how odd it is that Henry/Nerissa are so much older than Luxa.

Which lead me to think about courting/marriage/childbearing customs in Regalian culture, especially in regards to the royal family. Which made me realize that Luxa’s parents probably were married and trying for heirs before the kings younger brother (Henry’s father) would be starting his family.

So why are Luxa’s cousins years older than her? It also doesn’t make sense that her parents would have only had one heir. It’s very common to make a few spares (even in peace times). They didn’t die until AFTER Gregor’s father fell. Luxa would have been somewhere between 9-10 years old. The fact that she doesn’t have siblings is very telling.

Luxa’s parents struggled with fertility issues for at least 5 years before her birth and for about 10 after. That’s why Luxa’s name doesn’t match her family’s tradition of naming children after Shakespearean references. She IS their Lux, their light.

I am not okay.

[truths33k3r4]

(Warnings for this chapter are at the bottom of the page to keep from giving away spoilers.)

CHAPTER 8 - Deceptive Answers

Don cringed as he thoroughly sprayed down the empty trash bin, acting as if the fragrant, lavender scent would banish the acrid stench back to the pits of hades from whence it came. After the third round of air freshener, he slowly backed away from the bin with a cautious frown.

He proceeded to spray it down four more times.

Why did it have to be vomit…

As he walked to the kitchen sink he gently pulled off his latex gloves, neatly folding and placing them on the counter as he began to run the tap. After years of learning about germs and how to abolish them, he knew well that it didn’t matter if you washed them with hot or cold water. But even with this knowledge, it still brought him a slight ping of delusional comfort envisioning the hot temp burning the germs right off his hands.

That’s definitely normal.

He didn’t care all that much for the gooey sensation of the soap when it first puddles in his palms, but with a few quick scrubs, the sticky texture expanded into soft peaks of foam. The warm water mixed with the luscious suds did wonders for his dry hands. Thanks to the colder weather beginning to creep into the city, his home’s air had been stripped of its moisture. As a result, the skin of his hands and ankles cracked like the barren grounds of a scalding desert.

In other words ew.

With the last stage of washing his hands complete, drying them and folding the washcloth over the railing near the sink, Don began the trek back to his office. As he neared the doorway of the brothers’ bedroom, he paused.

Just move quickly. No big deal. Just ‘ninja’ your way around. Get to your office without attracting any unnecessary attention. Orrrr getting involved in any more emotional drama… Easy.

With a quick inhale, and his face tightened with concentration, he slowly took one silent step after the next, continuing his way down the hall past the bedroom. As he crept, little pieces of whispered conversation fluttered past his ears.

“...Lotus, what are you talking about?” 

Don instantly recognized the soothing tones of his oldest brother.

 “You are free. You made it out. We saved you. Shhhh, it’s alright.”

Don’s brows creased together as he paused to figure out what had happened to spark such concerned words from Leo. Going by what he said, the eldest wasn’t referring to Lotus being sick. The word “free” especially intrigued him. He continued to stand frozen as he leaned closer to the doorway, his curiosity now overriding the mission to get to his office.

“N-no… No, They…They’ll never go away…” A small voice cried in muffled whimpers.

Don’s mind began to process Lotus’ words one at a time; Every vowel and every fluctuation were filed into neat shelves in his brain.

Who’s “they”? Going by how we found her, she must be referring to the scientists at the lab, right? But what does that have to do with her being sick? Did those physician abominations give her something to make her ill? 

“Who, Lotus? Who won’t go away?” Leo gently whispered over Lotus’ smothered sniffles.

Don leaned closer. No verbal answer was given to Leo’s question, the silence only being filled by the frantic shuffles of sheets being pulled back and forth. 

“I.. I don’t… I don’t want to talk about it. I c-can’t.” Lotus pleaded as her voice continued to crack and splinter under the weight of whatever was haunting her mind. “I just c-can’t.”

Don’s posture physically slumped as he listened to the fear-stricken shivers of Lotus’ voice. The way her words jittered and broke in shards sounded all too familiar to him. She was so scared, but there wasn’t anything physically present that would make her react that way.

That left whatever was plaguing her to be something lurking deeper. Don couldn’t help the defensive snarl that escaped his teeth.

It has to be nightmares… That’s the most reasonable explanation for such behavior.

He knew that well, being reminded every night of the horrors he and his twin were forced through. Even though they were home. Even though they were safe. Even though it made no sense that the past has such power over the present.

And now he sees he’s not the only one.

How long was she there?...  How long did she live under the microscope of Specter’s prying eyes?

Don failed to suppress a shudder through his body as he was forcefully pushed into his own memories of the nightmare laboratory. His hands instinctively rose to cling to his shoulders, rubbing them down in an attempt at comfort. He clenched his teeth and closed his eyes, willing his mind to forget all those horrific memories that plagued him, but it was all for naught.

His twin’s screams echoed in a terrible chorus that consumed all his thoughts. 

A sickly, neon green glowed through the barrel of a syringe.

His chained wrists ached and burned from being yanked through long corridors.

His terrified face looked back at him through the reflective surface of dark-tinted lenses.

His body shook violently as an electrode was pressed into the left side of his head.

His vision erupted in white static when the nurse pressed the button.

NO! STOP IT- NOW!

IT’S OVER. STOP LETTING THIS GET TO YOU.

IT’S OVER.

Don gulped down the dread and anxiety clogging his throat, burying it deeper into the places of his heart he dared never to go. The chill of his memories forced another shudder to claw its way up his spine, leaving him gripping tightly to his arms and shaking his head. His legs shivered and buckled underneath him as if the weight of his memories added to his physical mass.

It’s over. That’s enough.

Don leaned and used the wall to stabilize himself, relying on the firm surface to steady his rampant thoughts as well as his shuddering body.

Just move. One foot in front of the other. 

With a withered sigh, he pushed off the wall and continued walking, blocking out the rest of the hushed conversations escaping the bedroom.

 I can’t deal with that right now. I just can’t.

Leo’s got it. He can handle it.

With his mind completely focused on simply reaching his office, he didn’t even attempt to sneak past the bedroom. It didn’t matter if they saw him, anyway. This was one of those pesky things that he just… couldn’t fix. 

So why try when it’s a waste of time? When there are others who are far more equipped for such a task?

Soon after, he finally reached his office, carefully closing the door behind him as he walked toward his desk. With a sigh, Don flopped onto his computer chair, causing a quiet squeak to fill the compact room. He leaned into the firm cushion of his chair as the whispered hum of the computer filled his ears. For a moment, just a small moment, Don took the second of mental silence to look around his room.

His gaze immediately rose to the high school certificate hung proudly on the wall closest to his desk. He remembered how excited he was to have such an accomplishment under his belt at the young age of sixteen, rubbing it in Raph’s face with a smug grin. His twin nearly shattered the frame before Leo and Splinter intervened. 

So much has changed.

As his eyes began to wander again, he suddenly caught sight of a small, blue sticky note left underneath the frame of his certificate. Don leaned and squinted his eyes as he read,“Please remember to drink! -Leo”. 

A cozy warmth filled Don looking at the note left there by his brother. It embraced his heart and settled his mind, leaving the faint feeling of a grin growing on his face. Don turned to his desk and took a good swig from the glass of water left there since that afternoon.

His eyes continued to wander, soon catching sight of his calendar and notes posted on the wall near his door. He again squinted his eyes, and even fixed and cleaned his glasses, but that all proved to be useless. He still couldn’t read very well, and it was beginning to drive him crazy.

With an annoyed growl, Don scooted and rolled his chair closer to the wall. He would have to figure out his sight problem some other time, no matter how many sparks of dread began to pop in his stomach at the thought of his vision once again failing him.

Shaking his head to repel any more worthless memories from entering, he once again gazed at the notes neatly stacked on the wall. Most of them were just phone numbers of the “co-workers” from his job. 

But then he finally saw his calendar. And the warmth that once thrived inside him vanished instantaneously. 

Leo’s words echoed back to him as he began looking over the wrong amount of days crossed out, reminding him just how much time he had lost.

“Eighteen days.”

For eighteen days he didn’t help his family.

For eighteen days he didn’t keep up with the repairs of his home.

For eighteen days he didn’t show up to work.

For eighteen days his family tirelessly searched for him.

For eighteen days you failed them. Weeks of worry, dread, and longing plagued your family all because of your absence. Did they even have fresh food this whole time? Did they have to resort to drastic measures? Did they have heat? Did any of them sleep? 

Don crushed his head under the clutches of his tightening fingers. 

How much pain did he inflict on his family all because of his carelessness?

Don hunched over in his chair, pulling his legs up to his plastron and pressed his head onto his knee caps. He squeezed tighter and tighter until it hurt.

How could I let this happen?

Why did You put me in this family if You knew I would FAIL THEM?

He pressed his head further into his knees. His arms clung tighter around his legs. His lungs begged for oxygen that he couldn’t supply. 

“Why?...” He whispered brokenly.

Just at the moment he felt his head would burst from the pent up energy and pressure, a soft *ding* sounded from his monitor. He couldn’t recall what he had been processing on his desktop, so he slowly lifted his head from his knees, gazing over to his computer as he dropped his feet back to the floor.

Then it clicked in his brain, and he shot his legs out to propel himself off the wall to his desk. After slamming his hands against the ridge to keep from crashing into the small table, he took a millisecond to gather his completely shattered mental state so he could focus on the task at hand. 

This was something he could fix.

His fingers comfortably found their rhythm clacking on the keyboard as he finally opened the files coded into Lotus’ implant. He was surprised to see so many, at least a hundred or so lined up in neat rows. Each one was labeled similarly, with the title “SUBJECT 19- PROCEDURE #”. 

As curious as he was to begin looking deeper into those files, one in particular caught his eye, labeled two simple words:

“SUBJECT INFO”

That should be promising.~

With his mind made up, Don swerved his mouse and clicked. The file opened to reveal many different types of documents: Blood types, heartbeat readings, and many more medical related data.

If Don weren’t so disgusted by what these felons had done, he would actually be quite impressed with how well organized all the information was. 

He pushed that feeling aside as he continued scrolling.

“MEDICAL HISTORY”...

“DIAGNOSES”...

“TREATMENT PLANS”...

Holy French Toast there’s SO MUCH… I’m gonna need weeks just to go through this all!

“MEDICATIONS”...

“TEST RESULTS”...

“PROGRESS NOTES”...

Down, down, he continued searching through them, just trying to find the end of the treasure trove of knowledge about his family’s new guest.

“IMAGING AND DIAGNOSTIC REPORTS”...

“IMMUNIZATION RECORDS”...

And then his cursor finally stopped. And at the very bottom of the list lied what he was searching for:

“VITAL RECORDS”

There you are.

Don clicked the file as he hunched closer to his monitor, the feelings of anticipation and dread filling him as he wondered what he was going to find. Lotus would finally get some semblance of answers about her past now. And from what he’d seen of the wounded girl, he knew she needed some good news.

The first document to pop up on his screen was a newspaper clipping.

What? 

The article showcased some kind of vehicle, flipped over and ablaze on the side of a dirt-paved road. All the dates on the paper were crossed out, as well as the last names of anyone involved. The cover read in bold letters,

“FAMILY OF FIVE KILLED IN UNFORTUNATE CRASH”

Don’s head cocked in utter confusion as he began reading through the article. He began clicking his tongue as all his concentration zeroed in on every word of the story before him. 

Somehow this connected to Lotus. And he was going to find out how.

The article stated that during a particularly rainy, spring night, a family of five, (husband, wife, and three children), slid off the road and flipped their car over. When help finally arrived, as well as the Press, the car was being swallowed by unrelenting flames. Only two bodies were retrieved, that of the husband and wife. Their names were Frederick and Jess, but their last name was crossed out. 

All that was left of their two toddlers and baby were scorched car seats. 

Don backed away from his monitor in horror, covering his eyes with his hand and sliding it down to his chin. The images of the husband and wife’s bodies hidden under sheets made his stomach tighten with sorrow. He squirmed in his seat, both guilty and grateful that he had never seen or heard anything about this tragedy.

All it took… was one thing to go wrong.

… And then… everything was gone. Everything. That poor family…

The rest of the article continued on to review the woe of their family’s relatives, as well as the following funeral that would occur at a later date. (A later date that was meticulously scratched out to be indecipherable.) 

Why is this in her records?...

After finishing reading through the article, he moved on to the next document in the file:

A birth certificate.

Don muttered an annoyed growl as he noticed that this document had been thoroughly crossed out too, with the only things left reading:

Alexis?... Is that Lotus’ birth name?... But… this is an official document by the State of New York- 

A human certificate.

Don’s brain whirled all this new information around his mind like an indecisive tornado. Nothing was making sense. No puzzle pieces were lining up. How could he be given so much information and none of it is useful?!? Here he thought those psychos with medical degrees were organized and thorough in their research- Here he thought he was finally given a buffet of answers ready to be feasted upon at a moment’s notice. How wrong he was to think this would be easy.

If he’s learned anything in his sixteen years of being a teenage mutant ninja turtle, it was the fact that easy never seemed to be an option.

His shoulders fell as he let out a sigh filled with disappointment. None of this would make Lotus feel better… If anything, it could make things worse. 

If these documents are true… 

Don pushed away from his desk, dropping his head onto the rim of his chair as the weight of the answers given to him pressed further into his mind. His chest ached and his head spun with the implications of the documents.

Was Lotus born as an actual human? 

Did she truly once have a family? 

And how did the newspaper article connect to this?

Was she in that crash? Did she escape the fire? 

Instead of clicking into place and revealing the steadfast truth, all that these answers had done was scatter the pieces of this mystery further apart, deepening the chasm that remained of Lotus’ past.

That's it for this chapter!! And now all of you get to really see the base mystery of my story. :) Hopefully these small pieces of the past will help you theorize what you think happened to Lotus and who you think she is. :) I was ECSTATIC to show you all this chapter. I'm honestly quite proud of how it came out, and I am so excited to delve deeper into the mystery of Lotus' past.

Feel free to reblog and share this!

BIG THANK YOU to @poetique823 for helping me and encouraging me through this chapter! Also apologies for uh... breaking you. XD

@writer-in-wonder, @allyheart707, @oddartistl3, @risebabyx2, @joyjoygorl, @carrots-bear, @howtotrainyourdragonprince, @jasminegazer, @indieyuugure

If you want to be tagged in the next chapter, please comment down below! :)

To God be the glory!

~ Melissa

(CW- Implied past deaths, trauma, mention of medical trauma!)

MASTERPOST <- PRIOR CHAPTER NEXT CHAPTER ->

[rainbow-sunshine-unicorn]

No but is anyone else thinking about how Anthony feels when Kate gets pregnant?

Because he's elated, of course he is, he's been participating in heir-making activities quite enthusiastically, and of course he loves that baby from the moment he learns of its existence because it's theirs, his and Kate's

But, the last time he saw a woman give birth, it was when Hyacinth was born and his mother nearly died from complications during the birth and a surgeon was asking him to choose whether he wanted to save his mother or the baby all the while he was still shrouded in a haze of grief after losing his father in front of his eyes and having the responsibility of the entire viscountcy thrust upon him

Because it's all I can think about, especially when I think about his utter terror when Kate was stung by a bee and how he blamed himself for Kate falling of her horse when that wasn't even on him?

Can you imagine how utterly terrified he must be about things going wrong?

[lifeafterpsychiatry]

opinion—when someone says that they don’t want kids, people should shut the fuck up instead of bringing in the “you’ll change your mind when you’re married” bullshit. I’m sick of it and I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s actually been traumatized by the whole conversation to the point of constant nightmares about forced pregnancy and childbirth. I don’t care if I wrote that I wanted kids in an essay when I was fourteen, that was seven years ago. Let people decide if they want children or not and then keep your fucking opinions to yourself.

Also, second opinion—raising your children to be baby machines and telling them they’re not allowed to use headaches as an excuse for something because they’ve “overused” that excuse, and that they’re not allowed to say “please, don’t “ is fucking weird and setting your kids up for shitty relationships.

excuse the swearing, i just needed to get that out. Thank you for your time and for what you do. I hope you have a lovely day.

Yes, pressuring people to have sex and then children regardless of whether they actually want to is horrible and needs to end now!

[pinkinsect]

do you think that ness could get a Little bit self conscious when reading fantasy novels in front of people. do you think that some people who know ness incorrectly clock him as Bearer Of Religious Trauma from that

[acerlking]

Sorry I haven't been posting much, I received brain damage from physician-prescribed biperiden superdosage. On the bright side, here's the fun aspects of my brief vacations in the demented nine circles of hell headspace:

I didn't have any spider issues but! I had the conviction the air was made of cockroaches and as a bonus I had the cotardpilled insight that my bowels were lined with roach eggs. Also my mom was committing illegal identity theft by impersonating Marie Kondo and *only* speaking fluent Japanese with me the whole time I was on my prescription (she does not speak Japanese). My f*ther was also rambling to me about a TF2 fan-fiction he wrote in a racist "Engrish ranguage" accent the whole time (he has no idea what either TF2 nor fan-fiction are). My house was also populated with small blobs of flesh with loudspeakers for mouths screaming antisemitic insults at me at a frenetic pace. Famous Japanese manga artist Iida Pochi also came by my house to threaten (in fluent Brazilian Portuguese) to rat me to the authorities for my federal crime of filling every single computer in my entire 100-million-person country with infohazards by various means (none of this happened)

Eventually I was sent to the hospital because I was in labour -- I was pregnant with myself and I needed to have a caesarian childbirth (I am a cis male), which they did give me, but cleanly bisecting my entire body from top to bottom, which I don't think is how a childbirth incision is supposed to happen but it made sense at the time (none of this happened). They eventually sent me to the psych ward, which was only a few hallways into the hospital, but for me I reached there by a nerve-wracking situation where I had to pilot a Boeing aircraft that was the victim of a controversy of counterfeit jet fuel -- however, I was able to choose the correct fuel since I could rely on my mom's advice which she taught me ever since I was a child on how to spot adulterated jet fuel from the real thing (she never taught me that).

Eventually reaching the airport, I was barred since the immigration control caught on that a significant portion of the passengers in the flight were imaginary friends, which made the number of people in the database go into the complex plane (which was a severe stack overflow problem) and so my exponential complex number of imaginary friends and I were subjected to a protracted inspection which took place in a long winding tower built on top of an enormous tree that was in the center of the world (none of this happened) which in my mind was the true face of the psychiatric ward where I was staying.

[homoquartz]

horror movie birth/rebirth was a touching story of lesbian motherhood tbqh

[ashstantrum]

Another reason to question the people, who want above ALL else for you to have kids.

They will rarely tell a story, that's goal is to give you baby fever. Or point out what a blessing children are, or how funny kids can be. That involves a teenager.

99.9% of the time, they will tell you a story about a; baby, Most common. Babies do a million cute things a day, and are easy to sell to people who are on the fence. A toddler, who will misspeak often and hilariously, and love on there parents endlessly. A middle schooler, who's experiencing first crushes and underwhelming school achievements, who wants to grow up just like there parents. And pre-teens, who are still good kids, excelling in school and starting to date.

1% of the time, will they tell you a story about a teenager. Why? Because there teens suck.

Case in point; my older sister is constantly on my ass about getting pregnant and having a baby. Always tells me how amazing babies are, and how great motherhood is. She tells me stories about her toddler son holding there fat cat and wobbling around the house cutely. About her baby son babbling "mommy" for the first time. About her middle schooler son winning the spelling bee, and saying he wanted to work the same job as his hero daddy. The catch?

Her son is 16. Currently. He is 16 right now. And she, since he was 14, has not told me a single story about him, with the goal to convince me to have a baby, about him in the current area. Why? Because in this year alone he's been suspended from school for trading drugs with another suspended student, caught making out with one of his many "girlfriends" in the bathroom during PE, told a teacher to "kill himself", and tried to light the bleachers on fire during a game but wasn't successful.

Her son is a dumpster fire of a human. He is nothing to brag about or be proud of. (Obviously some of this is his parents fault for how they raised him and shit, nature and nurture blah blah blah) And since he was 14, and started acting like this, she hasn't told a single "cute" story about him. All her stores are from 13 years old and down.

And most other people on the internet and real life, are the same. There teens are / were dumpster fire people. They conveniently gloss over there failure as humans teens and instead brag about what cute middle schoolers there kids were.

Another case in point, I had a coworker trying to push me to have a baby. And she'd always show me pictures and talk about her youngest child (about 3) and gush about how cute the baby was and all the cute and heartwarming things she did!

She got cold as fuck whenever I brought up her two teenager daughters, both who got kicked out of school for bullying and trying to stab another girl. Suddenly she would have nothing to say. Or would switch up and start talking about how parenting is so hard. Right after gushing about how parenting was so easy and rewarding.

A sadder, story of this too was the local nurse at the clinic. Who would always talk about how everyone should become a parent, how it was amazing and most fulfilling thing you could do! How not having a child was selfish and bad. How you'd never be happy without a baby. And about ever two years she's be pregnant again. Of course, the thing she never talked about? Her teenager, who committed suicide after being assaulted by a school teacher. After she refused to believe them, after she refused to take them to therapy and pulled them out of school so they couldn't talk to the school council. Refused them mental health medication... They committed suicide in there bedroom. And she never breathed a word about that child ever again. She took down every family picture with them in it, she never visited the grave, she held a funeral for about 5 people and all 5 said she didn't cry or seem upset at all. And even now, her three kids who are teens and pre-teens, are acting out violently. And she laughs and changes the subject when people bring it up. Instead choosing to exclusively talk about her youngest children who are all darling little angels. And about her baby fever to have a other precious baby.

People want you to have a baby, because once you have a baby, you are stuck with a teen. You are trapped with someone who will grow out of being a cute lovable baby, and will become an independent human being, who can very easily become an asshole.

Also watch, how the people with the most dumpster fire teens, are pushing the hardest for you to have a baby. How the people who are cut off from there adult children are the most aggressive about your choices about babies. Why? Because they want you to be trapped. Because it makes them feel better about raising fuck ups. It makes them feel better about fucking up. And it normalizes how fucked up there parenting is. It obsolves them from blame. Once you have a trash fire teenager too, they'll point the finger at you and laugh, "oh, it isn't so easy now is it!" It's about getting even with people who called them bad parents. It's about making everyone feel sympathy for them, by forcing you to become a bad parent just like them.

Trapping you with an asshole, that you will be, legally, trapped with forever.

[neon-pink-witch]

TW: Vent post. Mentions of ptsd, ppd, past pregnancy, labor induction, c section, medical trauma

I will forever be angry on how absolutely no one tells people who gave birth that it's possible to get ptsd from

I will forever be fucking pissed at the risk factor screening that I took. It was the first and only time I was honest about my mental health to a doctor due to how important I knew it was.

No one ever followed up on it. I know for a fact I was at high risk for PPD and that was before being medically assaulted during my induction. Before a student fucked my epidural up.

And I absolutely hate that almost 8 years later I'm still up at what(for me) is 2am because my anxiety is so fucking bad.

[scarfacemarston]

Hey there! How’s your trip going? I have a question for you. What do you know about c-section procedures in the late 1800’s?

In my fanfic, my reader character is a doctor and I have an idea where she has to help a difficult baby delivery.

I was doing some research but someone closed all the windows I had open that I was reading. I know you bring a historical aspect to the fandom and I’m curious on your thoughts.

So, as you know by now, my trip is over. It went alright! It could have been so much worse. So, I actually studied pregnancy, childbirth and maternal and infant mortality extensively last year for the national park service. They wanted to know how to tell stories about the women who endured the process, so I'm a bit confident in my answer. C-Sections have actually been around since the Ancient Roman times, but were exceedingly rare to perform. They were seldomly used in the medieval times, but it almost always ended in the death of the mother, the baby or both. There were a few lucky instances in the 1700s of doctors able to perform the surgery successfully, but again, this was rare. It isn't until the late 19th century that C-sections were becoming more widely studied. However, your doctor oc will not be able to do a c-section. It is literally impossible at this point by "yourself" (meaning the reader.) C-sections were not the norm at this point because it was near guaranteed death for the mother. You only did it if you were fairly confident that the baby would survive and the mother gave her blessing - knowing she would die. The shock and blood loss were the main reasons if infection didn't take her later and too many doctors at the time did not know about hygienic practices. I have a doctor OC as well and he wouldn't be able to do it, either, so don't feel bad. Now, since this is fanfiction, you're of course free to do as you please, but your oc and my oc would not be able to perform a c-section. They would need advanced equipment and staff to assist as well as a reason to do so. By this I mean that not everyone was "allowed" a C-section. They were reserved for certain women. Strangely, it was mostly upper class women, but upper class women were also difficult in that if a doctor failed, there would be strong consequences. C-sections were not often taught in medical schools until late 1800s and even then, the uptake was slow because of the risks involved. By the early 1900s, this was becoming a more common practice. If your oc is a woman, she is not likely to receive this education. There were female doctors then, but the medical world was hesitant in educating women surgeons. (I have a pair of siblings, female and male that are doctors and that's something I've written about.) That doesn't mean she couldn't do it "back alley" style, though. So unless your OC has a team of doctors, lots of the latest tools and equipment and the advanced know-how, your OC is not going to be able to save the life of the mother and the baby. Perhaps the baby, but not both. I have sources if you'd like them, but it's heavy reading.

[msevangeline-evans]

[ciswoman and she/her] Welcome to Aurora Bay, [EVANGELINE CAINE EVANS]! I couldn’t help but notice you look an awful lot like [NATALIA DYER]. You must be the [TWENTY-SIX] year old [MUSIC TEACHER AT AURORA BAY ELEMENTARY SCHOOL]. Word is you’re [SELFLESS] but can also be a bit [GUARDED] and your favorite song is [SHE USED TO BE MINE BY SARA BAREILLES]. I also heard you’ll be staying in [SEABROOK QUARTER]. I’m sure you’ll love it!

pinterest || playlist

tw: parental abuse, medical trauma, mutism, alcoholism, age gap relationship, domestic abuse, birth trauma

@aurorabayaesthetic

Full Name: Evangeline Bridgette Caine Evans Nickname(s): Eva, Eve, Evie Age: 26 Birthday: October 24, 1998 Astrological Sign: Scorpio Place of Birth: Salem, Massachusetts Parents: Laurence Evans & Ada Evans *Siblings: Older Brother, Westley Evans (26, twin), Amelia Evans (23), Lucus Evans Children: Benjamin Caine (2) Pets: N/A *Relationships: Harrison Caine (38) - ex-husband Scars: A few small, scattered scars from her years of abuse Tattoos: N/A Other Physical Distinctions: Seemingly perpetually cracked lips Sexual Orientation & Gender: Heterosexual and Heteroromantic ;; Cis Female Occupation: Elementary Music Teacher @ Aurora Bay Elementary *subject to change as roles are taken

bullet points

tw: parental abuse, medical trauma, mutism, alcoholism, age gap relationship, domestic abuse, birth trauma

○ evangeline bridgette evans was welcomed into the world a mere fifteen minutes after her brother on october 24th, 1998. the two were ushered into what was perceived to be the perfect little family (which, at that time consisted of their 'movie star' beautiful mother, their police officer father, and their older brother.) three years later, their little sister amelia would be born which rounded out this picture perfect brood.

○ both of the twins showed a proclivity for music at a young age. while westley gravitated towards the piano, evangeline found herself entranced with the cello. sure, it dwarfed her thin frame to an almost comical degree but there was something about the way it sounded when the strings were strummed that brought her to the happiest place her mind could conjure. anywhere she was, it was said that the sweet sounds of the romantic instruments were not far behind.

○ it was obvious something was wrong with the small girl from the moment she was born. she had always been a sickly child, eyes and cheekbones unnaturally gaunt for a person her age. though it wasn't until one afternoon, while at school, evangeline remembers playing on the playground one moment and then coming to on a stretcher inside an ambulance. the girl had had a heart attack at seven years old. the doctors were dumbfounded. it took months of appointments, invasive tests, and waiting for test results before the evans' finally had their answer: hypertrophic cardiomyopathy or a thickening of the left ventricle of her heart. the worst news? it would only get progressively worse over time. thus began her isolation (to make sure she wasn't overexerting herself to the point of doing any further damage).

○ evangeline didn't mind being taken out of school or spending all of her time at home. as the true introvert of the family, her room was her natural habitat anyway. her days were filled with reading (as an avid and insatiable bookworm), schoolwork, and her beloved cello. the only place she went outside the house was to her multiple doctors. but again, she never minded or resented this fact. home was her sanctuary after all. well, it was until that fateful night changed everything.

○ she recounts it like it was yesterday: their father going after her and wes like a raving madman, the bottle glittering under low lighting, the cut across her beloved brother's eye, and his body planted firmly between her and the monstrous figure that was heaving ragged breaths just inches from her face. that image replaced every earlier memory of their father for her; though not a kind or patient man, she never thought he would be the very beast that he became.

○ the guilt she feels that wes put it upon himself to take the brunt of the abuse haunts her to this day. sure, laurence has left her with scars of her own but nothing compared to wes' menagerie. she knows there will never be enough words to describe both the gratitude and guilt she has for her twin.

○ once the abuse started, evangeline developed selective mutism. she would really only speak to her siblings (wes especially) during her episodes. its something that still pops up today, though much more infrequently.

○ the teenage years seemed to awaken a rebellious streak in the evans kids, all except evangeline. what could sweet, sheltered, quiet evangeline get up to after all? it turns out quite a bit, after all.

○ it was at her cardiologist's in 2016 that she met the new medical resident working at the office: harrison caine. he was kind, attentive, and gentle; everything a girl raised on fairytales could want in a partner. but he was also her doctor, twelve years her senior, and currently in a very serious relationship. none of that was a deterrent enough to stop them and they began their affair that year and continued it for six years.

○ in those six years, evangeline got her degree in music theory and began working for a private school in salem (adding to her list of places she'd go besides home and the doctors). she wasn't ready to leave wes or her mother. she couldn't. not when their father's wrath could deploy at any moment. evangeline had gotten the calls from their aunt, the not-so-subtle pleading to come to safety. but she wasn't leaving without wes. at least, that was the original plan.

○ in may of 2022, evangeline discovered she was pregnant and a few months along at that. she was terrified but when she finally got the courage to tell harry, he assured her it would all be alright. that they were going to elope. evangeline was dumbfounded. he was still dating (and, now engaged) to his partner, he had a job here, and he was talking about giving all that up? he continued to reassure her that this was for the best, that this would get her out of there safely and she could finally live a life away from constant fear. and to a girl who hadn't experienced many emotions other than pure terror in the last few years, it was an intensely enticing offer. so, with a written note all that was left of her (knowing all too well about wes' overly protective nature when it came to the men in his sisters' lives), she and harry ran off to connecticut and were married in june.

○ december 1st, 2022: the birth of her child was one of the most terrifying days of her life. because of her heart condition, she found herself almost losing her life trying to bring them into the world. thankfully, with the help of an emergency c-section and a week of a hospital stay, her and her baby were able to go home to her new life. her son, who she named benjamin westley after her beloved twin, is her absolute world. she treasures him, especially considering he will probably be her only child as the risks would be far too great to take again.

○ the home the caine's went home to was not the home evangeline had imagined nor was it the home harrison promised: it might as well have been the mirror image of her childhood home. it started out inconspicuously enough. a few harsh words followed by profuse apologizing. but the words soon became yelling. yelling became back into a corner. backing into a corner became shoves. and shoves became the deja vu of how her father used to go off. to complete his transformation into an echo of her father, harry's social drinking became drinking to take the edge off, then drinking to function. she was mortified to find herself back at square one. only now, she had a son looking to her to protect him.

○ evangeline wouldn't let anyone know what went on behind the doors of their picture-perfect home with the white picket fence. she'd send messages to her family, assuring her everything was alright. all of her pictures expertly hiding the dozens of empty wine bottles or the new watercolor of bruises left on her skin that grew ever paler. there was a part of her that believed if she projected her life to be perfect, that it would eventually get there. but no. behind the beautiful curtain of the friendly neighborhood cardiologist and his lovely, if not shy, devoted wife and his rambunctious son lied a house of horrors.

○ six months ago, a single moment snapped inside of her. harry crossed a line within her by trying to go after their son for some minor thing she can't even remember. and though her interfering resulted in the worst attack yet, one that left her forbidden to leave the house for days (he had always been so careful to not make his abuse obvious on her body), it was her wake-up call. she couldn't let benji live in a home like hers. so, that night after harry had passed out, she contacted her aunt and wes then proceeded to tell them everything. her aunt flew down the next afternoon and got her out of the house with the help of some police escorts. and after months of divorce court, custody battles, criminal charges, and a restraining order evangeline found herself now divorced from harry and he had lost all rights to their son. she was free.

○ since she was free, she and her aunt made arrangements for her to come to aurora bay. as if by fate, the local elementary school was in need of a music teacher after the holidays as their beloved mrs. errol was forced into early retirement after a fall. so, with a job, her brother, her sister, and a new extended family waiting her, evangeline is ready to start the next chapter of her life.

wanted connections / plots

so, this girl is brand spanking new to aurora bay. like kell and I are talking about threading her and wes meeting up again new lol. so when I'm looking for connections, I'd like to more talk about possible future connections or just muses you think would vibe with her well. but if your character had ever spent time in salem/knew the evans family or had visited connecticut in the past two years, we could do some retroactive connects there!

[maryschepherd]

I know this is very early in the Perverts saga, so I may be way off, however, my interpretation of the lyrics and video is that the woman in white with the black veil (who repeatedly touches her stomach) is Ethel's mother and the women in black is proto-Ethel.

As a pregnant woman, Ms. Cain is undergoing the Genesis "curse" that all mothers must labor as a result of the biblical fall of humanity. As baby Ethel grows, it causes Ms. Cain more physical and emotional pain. Fully grown Ethel walking through the doorway and hallway reminds me of the door of Guf in Kabbalah where all souls leave to be put into new bodies during pregnancy. The hallway is the birth cannel/womb. The circumstances of Ethel's birth may be sordid, which leads to Ms. Cain getting shunned by "them" despite her doing no wrong (like in the Scarlet Letter). Even if there isn't any controversy with the pregnancy, there is the extreme view of pregnancy being a punishment for (especially women) partaking in any sexual pleasure.

Furthering punishment to Ms. Cains could also be the old wives tail that if a women has a daughter the baby steals both the youth and beauty of the mother. In past posts and interviews Hayden has said that both she and Ethel are trans but so far we have not seen how that has effected Ethel. Ethel being depicted as an adult foreshadows her true self despite societal expectations on people's sex and perceived gender. Before Ethel's birth, she is just herself without outside opinions. The black dress Ethel is wearing may also foreshadow Ethel's short life (like Nativity images that have crucifixion symbols hidden in the otherwise joyful scene).

The ring overlaying the footage looks like an ultrasound to me. Ms. Cain is punished both by the labor curse and by the rejection of "them" who leave her and baby Ethel.

These are the themes and images that came to my mind after watching the video. It's entirely possible that the album Perverts may only be thematically related to Ethel Cain's story but I know at some point Hayden wants to tell the story both of Ethel's mother and Ethel's grandmother. I would love to hear other theories and interpretations.

[nutcoffin]

Cow OC

Her name is LoveDeposit, a cow with parasites who dreams of having children.

Living oc since 2023 August 8

[distractedpebble]

Turns out I can't take any birth control with estrogen because I got a migraine with aura so bad I couldn't see out of my left eye. I don't want to take Depo anymore because of the side effects. I tried an IUD but the insertion was one of the most painful things I've ever felt and my body rejected it. I don't want to try Nexplanon because I don't want an implant that I can't remove myself (another reason that I don't want Depo anymore).

I'm not on birth control for that reason, I'm on it because I possibly have endometriosis. And when I talked to my OB about getting diagnosed, she basically hand-waved it away and mentioned that we can go forward assuming I have it but fighting with insurance is tough. That was about 6 months ago. The nurse I talked to last week looked at me like she was confused when I said that because she said there's no reason with all my symptoms that insurance should deny letting me have the procedure to diagnose it.

My next appointment isn't for over a month, but now I need to deal with all the other stuff they didn't tell me about, including all the horrendous side effects of coming off the Depo shot. Not once did they tell me that I could get violently nauseous, have more migraines than usual, have hot flashes, feel weak, mood swings, and more.

And on top of that, I don't know when my periods will start again. It could be over a year from now but it could be this month, or in 6 months. And I don't know if I'm mentally prepared enough to deal with that physical pain again. The whole reason I tried the Depo shot to begin with was because in June of 2022 I almost had a mental breakdown because I was in so much pain so I figured it was time to try something.

I don't know, I guess I'm just pissed at the fact that I was never told side effects, I'm basically out of options, and I just feel like this is going to be an uphill battle to get any kind of help at all.

Oh and to add to all of this, I also just found out that endometriosis doesn't even meet the requirements to be a "disability," despite the fact that if that is what I have, it's literally debilitating for me, not only when I don't have my period but in between those times as well.

[bambinification]

Can I say I have something in common with trans women even though I'm cis? I've been really upset about my new meds basically stopping my periods. I like being on my period--I never have cramps, my sensory issues are better, and there's something gratifying about bleeding so much. I never even regarded it as a very "feminine" thing, but my friend suggested that part of my upset could be rooted in some kind of gender dysphoria? I mean, there's other factors (like me being forced on these meds and not being allowed to stop them, therefore meaning my doctors have asserted complete control over my period, which feels incredibly bad!!) But the gender dysphoria thing makes sense.