#tw: Ted Cruz

[worlds-smallest-epsilon]

Ted Cruz jump scare 😭

I shouldn’t ever have to look at his awful rat face and beard. I fucking hate this dipshit. I hope he gets run over by a truck or otherwise gets comically hurt.

[lady-raziel]

calling it now, sometime in the next few months conclusive evidence will come out that actually ties ted cruz to the zodiac killer somehow

[mysharona1987]

Ted Cruz drinking a Diet Pepsi and shrugging at her when she showed him a picture of her daughter in her coffin is the most Ted Cruz thing ever.

[one-time-i-dreamt]

I had to help the Zodiac killer escape the police but I kept messing up because I’m not American.

[bear-man74]

I'm from the true north strong and free, and I instantly got the first one. I would've thought the second one is a lawyer if ey didn't say anything.

I hate the internet. I hate how this poem doesn’t need to be finished but it has 13.9k retweets and 21.1k likes. Everyone knows how this poem ends and I hate it

[bettabastard]

Guess who won the senate election in Texas. I will beat Ted Cruz up in a dark alley, but if I can't do that I will constantly harass him to hopefully change how he votes in the senate

[avocado-frog]

GIRL OW I NEEDED SOMETHING FROM MY BACKPACK AND THERE WAS A PIN OPEN AND I STABBED UNDERNEATH MY FINGERNAIL

[luxetrobur]

Joel Miller is a feminist because I say so.

Also, RIP Joel (not really because he’s fiiiine, we’re all fiiiiine,) you would have had this on your car

[qualitycrow]

ive seen people say that ted cruz looks like a dog whose got his face stuck in bars but never a dog whos eaten a bee

[casually-salad]

(tw s*icide but as in I'm reminding ppl of reasons to keep living! Still, if the topic is triggering don't feel the need to read or respond) Idk if you live in the US but if you do I hope you're okay! Normally I wouldn't get political @ you but shit is scary rn and I wanna make sure as many people as I can are okay. I'm scared shitless myself but all we can do is keep going. I just wanted to remind you and everyone that all other reasons to live are failing us, there's always one last resort: pure, unadulterated SPITE. Like hell am I dying before Mitch McConnell or Trump if I can help it! Ableists and queerphobes want us dead? As if we're gonna give them the fucking satisfaction! Basically, if all else fails, if nothing else, remember this one song that has got me through my toughest times: https://youtu.be/186FmQ4QZeY

I hope this provides any help at all to you and any followers!

thats really sweet, i wish i would've seen this sooner, not going to lie ive been on my breaking point constantly for the past couple months and i completely broke last night and did some things i shouldnt have... now im just trying to go day by day. i really really appreciate you reachin out cuz im a texan so weve got it doubly bad T-T can someone please kill ted cruz already i hate that guy. but yeah im gonna try to stay alive and hopefully the 20 million ballets that didnt get counted because of fake bomb threats, and the mail in ballets that got thrown away get recounted but in the mean time i hope we can all be here for eachother. <3

for anyone on here, please dont forget you can call the trevor project with this number: ( 1-866-488-7386 ) at any time, and if you want to chat online you can quickly exit from the site by hitting esc 3 times. on the website you can also text if youre scared to call like how i usually am haha: here

[sophisticatedswifts]

We need gun reform.

TW: gun violence

Texas is where four of the ten deadliest mass shootings have occurred in the US. This is what the Texas governor has to say about guns:

This is how Texas senator Ted Cruz responds to shootings, by copying and pasting the same message about praying for the victims every single time and only changing out where the shooting occurred. He has received more money from gun groups than any other politician within the past decade that he’s been in office.

Guns are the leading cause of death for children and teens in the US.

We can’t keep living like this. We can’t.

[mysharona1987]

[creampuffqueen]

Funny Quotes From School

finished high school and having some Feelings about it, so please take the last five years worth of dumb quotes i've heard/spoken in my school

uhhhhh trigger warning for... violence? uncomfy statements? sexual innuendos? idk most of these are extremely unhinged. also long post tw like seriously that's why i made a cut

Eighth Grade

go suck all eleven of my toes

don't you hate it when you try to go upstairs two steps at a time but end up skipping seven steps?

go suck a lime

i'm going to shove my cowboy boot so far up your ass you dillhole

'or maybe just don't eat mashed potatoes with your gravy' 'that's satanism'

sexual question of the day. go

oh, how the fidgets have spun

you ever just randomly twerk?

'they look like noodles' 'no, YOU look like noodles'

or they can throw a back of licorice at you

is the earth round, flat, or thicc?

i just spilled apple juice on myself and now i'm going to cry

*someone holding a grape* who is this?

don't throw things in my trash can

i'll consume your kneecaps

i'll peel your toenails

that's okay, i didn't want to live anyway

you're going to make me have five more mental breakdowns than usual

i bet i could beat up every sixth grader

you think i have MORALS and STANDS?!

we're not living in an alternative universe, we're making a new country

don't put applesauce on my cheetoes

i'm sorry. i cheated on you with the mailman

don't make fun of me, i know what memes are!

or as i like to call it, carbonated barbecue sauce

penetrate me with nails

i'm not a lady, i'm a WOMAN

i will deep fry your scalp

i will replace your tampons with sticks of butter

i will exfoliate with your esophagus

it jumped at me and attempted to arson my finger

i am the physical manifestation of the cowardly lion

i will pull your uterus out through your nose

you're like a conditioned pig

'what are your emotions?' 'pumpkin spice latte'

i don't want your cocaine

am i the only one who puts lipgloss on their tongue?

'how many bones are in a human hand?' 'enough to eat'

i have too many eggs to function

it sounds like cough syrup

feed the squirrels the vaccines

george washington dumped me!

that's not how you eat oranges, you satanist

spock is right there with marilyn monroe

i used to be a boy. now i'm an orangutan

you sound like a mother fucking cuckoo clock

do you think i could be a foot model?

this weekend i ate a whole capri sun

i made my siri call me daddy

are you saying boys don't have legs?

you'll hear those jingles when you're DEAD

nerds are my drug of choice

'seduce me with your words' 'BUBBLEGUM'

delete my kneecaps daddy

shut your teletubby looking ass the fuck up

those phalanges have me quaking

bill nye is my queen

'my hands are warm because i'm hot' 'no, your hands are hot because you were born in HELL'

i just stubbed three of my toes because i whipped

ow my nonexistant knee. it hurts

dude i'm like 82 fricking years olds

if you make fun of people because of their weight, your kneecaps are forfeit

hey just be prepared for lunch, i'm going to accuse her of drawing furries in her free time

the cowboy hat emoji is my dad

i'm the only one who can threaten violence here

if hell was just a tequila bar i'd still go

how do you politely tell your friend she looks like a soccer mom?

fuck you in the liver

can i snap all of my bones and extend into the multiverse?

there's ranch in my pants

hang yourself from the eiffel tower

your whole life is a voice crack

i swear to god i will rip out your vocal cords

horse girls will ride literally anything

my dick is bigger than that of a sea cucumber's

it's not salt, it's cocaine

i'd go to hell for a capri sun

my dog had sex with an owl

i'm a slut for ted cruz

liquify me daddy

last night i fortnite danced to my favorite song so today i'm going to kill myself

that's because i'm a fucking lesbian, dickhead

i'm still eating bricks today

take your saliva back

i would like to wear a sweatshirt made of his skin

i hope you become a burn victim

i will jump rope with your large intestine

some of us had things going on this weekend, like the breakdown of society

i'm gonna break my toe until it's completely calcium and can't break anymore

it's an interpretive dance, called where the fuck is the trashcan

you are the human equivalent of green vaginal discharge

FUCK THE BEES

nobody cares if your boyfriend made out with another guy-

is that a fucking eggshell?

i'm like a bloodhound for fursuits

Ninth Grade/Freshman Year

someone revoke my live priveleges

ants ants ants ants ants ants ants

'your pain brings me joy' 'your pain brings ME joy' 'I FEEL NO PAIN'

make sure to water your track every day so it'll grow big and strong

you ever just commit mitosis?

you're talking to the person who thought lightning was fake

why don't you just donate your body to science, and that's one less paper for me to grade

is a soul required or something?

i want my feet to be gone

i'm going to stab my eyes out with plastic knives

put germ-x on your dick

screw the water cycle

eating spaghetti is now cannibalism

i look strongly like a toe

close your coochie

what even is obama's last name?

i want death in every available form

you lost your shoelace privileges. hand 'em over

did you just call it photosynthesis water?

if you don't stop imma drop spin your ass

Tenth Grade/Sophomore Year

how dense is this dog?

i'll tic tac toe your toes

he looks like the word pulp

my one and only complaint about texas is that the ground is far too moist

this ain't the krusty krab

perry the platypus says trans rights

is phone sex free?

bold words for someone within pegging distance

this guinea pig has hips to rival kim k

'i'm not dying a virgin' 'not with that attitude you aren't'

all dragons are lesbians

you don't get the priviledge of sight

they sexualized winnie the pooh

i will run down ANY corridor i want, thank you very much

i can't think while i'm breathing!

why would you be lactose intolerant. it's my birthday

my ego is big and my balls are bigger

if you're trying to get me to admit i watch cave porn-

that is a joke; i am a whore

shut up or i'll slut shame you

can i get a rabbit convicted for sexual assault?

normalize lobotomies

my brain feels like deep fried butter at the county fair

get the christmas cocaine out

your flavor buds are made of granite

the crack house has become the crack home

i don't want to sleep with the seven disciples

i have such a fake god complex

i'm going to get you euthanized

well it's a good thing i like sausage. it's a coping mechanism

horses don't have shoulders, don't you know?

it's free to shut up, you know

my fetish is eco pollution

no, i'm not shoving a caterpillar up my ass

fuck you. i'll unvirgin your islands

speaking of cold sweat and being in a room-

he falls for lesbian coded women all the time and he still got somewhere in life

aborted fetuses in my cereal? it's more likely than you think

sorry, i forgot to put on my toes this morning

i'm very materialistic when it comes to my own organs

i'd love to be a malleable shape in real life

the entire digestive system is stored in the balls

wipe my memories daddy

i have been molested by a rabbit before, it is a possibility

is it wrong to say i kin satan?

it's a double sided titty

someone remove this man's vocal cords

she got real up close and personal with a morphine addiction

ignore the rabbit cum stain, keep testing me!

i'll clip your wings, bitch!

this is the side effect of joining the cult

reject tradition, embrace the alpaca

their asses are SO slappable

leave room for jesus when you jack yourself off

no preggers? POGGERS!

government mandated lactation

Eleventh Grade/Junior Year

look at his tits! this man was made for lactation

i'm going to water board you in brine

oh no, i fell for the cum gambit!!

i'll refer to you exclusively as dipshit from now on

knuckles from sonic has a cloaca?

who let you have sentience

daddy the collective

hey kid, you wanna domesticate a cow?

his eyes are against OSHA regulations

let me take my place in the nitrogen cycle please

are you talking about an epipen? no, heroin

so we're talking about the physics of projectile vomiting, am i hearing you right?

if you break your leg enough eventually you learn not to break your leg

friends? in my digestive system?

i scared him away with my juicy needles

he's sodomizing his french fries

are you a little quirky? a little wild? do you do crack?

i have the most succulent ass in this entire lunch period

if i weighed less than the average chromebook i would definitely take my bigwheel on the freeway

i'm going to breed that until it weighs less than the average chromebook

that chromebook is submissive and breedable

every day i get a colonoscopy on the side of the road

'where is the assignment?' 'up your ass'

the navy is just a giant sailor moon convention

imagine milking someone in the starbucks line

did you just call the son of god a hot cheeto girl?

fish fear me. the sugar baby bot wants me

my counselor has given up and is just going to let me kill myself

a self inflicted joker arc

the college board invented war

the quintessential american experience: fireworks, ferris wheels, and serial killers

i'm a thief, not a hoe

do you know how many drugs i'd have to be on to go on a road trip with you?

put tangent on birth control

eco friendly bird spies

his natural habitat is scrubs and khakis

i am a hyperbola enjoyer

sometimes you're deranged. you have weird habits and you're left handed; i wouldn't put anything past you

complete my citations daddy

if you put bananas in my cheesecake i will get gayer

spooning the homies on the slaughterhouse conveyor belt

if i were a cow i'd have as many complicated pregnancies as possible

in 1.7 miles exit this mortal realm

veterinarians be like 'i can fix him' and pull out a burdizzo <- my senior quote btw

Twelvth Grade/Senior Year

facebook logo of a man

what kind of drugs are you on? because it needs to be adderall

when aroused the vagina can fit 1-2 raccoons

the most civilized cats in our world lick their ass for anyone to watch

you sound like a goldfish who got his in the head with a ping pong ball at a carnival five too many times

a blueberry is smarter than you

i hope this email finds me dead

i'd chew on a trachea

let me sparknotes shrek 4

i'm deaf in all four ears

it's imperitaive that i take a shit in the front yard right now

can you stop trying to deal people drugs for like ten minutes?

a minecraft stack's worth of war crimes

i was in my father's balls planning for this event

dicks not provided for this event

his foreskin is his sock??

[just-positivity-stuff]

[wildsummerrose]

TW: nazis in the US

This is a short film showing footage from a pro-nazi rally that was held in the US in 1939. I think it’s important to amplify this as more evidence of how much of a lie “this is not who we are” is

https://anightatthegarden.com/

Bonus: there’s a random guy in the audience who looks a fair amount like Ted Cruz...so apparently he’s a time traveler trying to revive facism in the modern era. 🤷‍♀️

[one-time-i-dreamt]

Investigators think they've identified the Zodiac killer and look what was trending worldwide right next to each other