#tw dc mirage

[theofficialdailyplanet]

dc needs to have some kind of writing work shop with trans women, woc, and sa survivor authors cos they have so many writers that use rape and assault s fan service and it pisses me off to no end.

the latest panel i've seen with blue beetle mid-fight with bleez where she's on top of him and jayme loudly tells the stag he's not aroused. shes obs disgusted and in the next page the stag forms a literal penis underneath her.

and this with bleeze, the woman who's origin story is being violently gang raped and murdering her rapists when she recieves a red lantern ring.

not to mention the many other characters who've been assaulted from poison ivy to nightwing.

nightwing has been raped by multiple different women in the comics with no consequences for the women.

both drugged and assaulted by tarantula

the only thing time they mention anything later is when mirage shape shifts into starfire and tells dick in front of her it wasn't actually starfire. and yall know starfire's reaction? she -verbatim- calls dick a slut.

poison ivy gets abused and then these writers have the audacity to not only make her mind control only work through kissing (??) and on top of that in multiple iterations becomes a serial rapist with the men she's assaulted aka mind controlled.

one of the many, many men being batman who's been raped repeatedly in canon by talia, ivy, and im sure others. and they never delve into the repercussions it would have on him as a male rape survivor. the only time the writers reference it is for jokes like damian telling bruce to get better taste in woman and to "cover your drink."

as as for trans women:

the harley quinn the animated series comic had an entiresubplot regarding peach's missing sister miia- a black trans woman who was trafficked (whos only picture u see of her was pre-transition?)

and they make it a point to say "black trans woman," repeatedly only to make a joke out of it in the end with black mask calling himself an "ally"

i'm just constantly dissapointed with dc, i'll be so excited for a new run or film and then shit like this happens and just ruins it for me it makes me so sad

[farshootergotme]

Are there any fics touching upon the topic about Liu and Dick Grayson? I have read fics that deal with what happened with Tarantula and Mirage, but I haven't stumbled upon a fic that focused on what Liu did to Dick.

[bellart]

“My name is Mirage, and ten years from now you will love me”

[agent371]

Rant post about DC fandom and misogyny! TW: Mentions of r@pe

Okay, so this is about a specific example, but it happens a lot, but I'm just talking about this one, and this one is about Pantha, Nightwing, and Miriage. Read under the cut for the actual post because I hate blocks of text.

So, a lot of Nightwing fans might know about Miriage and that she raped him, some Dan's might also know he got called a slut after that happened. And I understand that does affect him but this isn't about him it's about Pantha the lady who called him a stut because that's what her character got reduced to and if I don't defend her no one will.

So the people who does know Pantha know she did this and its a bad thing and she also asked Nightwing "who was better" witch is horrible but if anybody actually read the comic and cared about the other characters than Nightwing you would know that she had no idea what happened. So I'll do a break down.

Pantha is part of the titans and she is friends with them, she doesn't understand social structure as she was a human experiment shut away from society and doesn't have her memories from before then.

She knows that Nightwing is dating Starfire. Miriage (her friend) tells people that her and Nightwing slept together. Pantha knows cheating is wrong and calls Nightwing a slut because she thinks he cheated because that's what she was told by her friend. She questions and presses him about it because she thinks he is a cheater. Again she doesn't question Miriage because that's her friend why would she lie about that??

But people who didn't read the comic but saw the panel took it out of context, like they always do and reduced her character to that, what doesn't help the fact she was subjected to the "angry black woman" trope. And that's now all she's characterised as an angry woman. Like in the TT cartoon she was their as a big angry woman (they white washed her to shut so I can't say it was angry black woman trope anymore cuz she's white in the cartoon). This all just pisses me off because she has so much more to her character, but she's been subjected to this, and I blame misogyny. If she were a man, more people would talk about it, and they would go into depth in her character.

This now brings me onto Miriage and imma be calling her Miri cuz, it's easier but if she were a man people would defend her. And while what she did was terribly wrong and has no excuses, her character got reduced to "rapist." She's got more to her than that. You know how much people apologise for Slade, a child rapist, yeah, you don't get that for her. And neither should be looked at as good people, but they are both complex characters who are rapists but only she got reduced to it. I bet you people don't even know that she'd been raped before either, because if she were a man, people would. Like I said, Miri is a bad person, and her actions shouldn't be excused, and they aren't all I'm saying is that because of misogyny, her character got reduced to rapist and that's it.

[argentinpantsuit]

Every day I wonder why Marv Wolfman thought it was a good idea to not only have Dick r*ped by Mirage and have her kidnap and assume Kory’s identity even going as far too pose naked in Korys body for a magazine .

And then make them all act ooc to create superficial drama between Kory and Dick

AND THEN PROCCED to have Mirage sa’ed and r*ped by “DeathWing ” ( Who they thought was a future version of Dick atp btw ) and be impregnated and ultimately have a baby because of that assault . Like

What was he thinking ??? It was just sooo bad all around and I wish someone recognise how much r*pe and sa were almost used as a plot device in the NTT series . Like there was ALOT .

And it was all almost always hideously unnecessary and only served to make everything worse in a way that was never good to any of the characters and never portrayed how truly horrendous it was .

[ptsdickgrayson]

I’m actually so disturbed rn that I had to immediately step outside and smoke a cigarette. Just saw a post abt how this Mirage fan was glad she raped Dick because he “should’ve known that wasn’t Kori”. And then proceeded to talk abt how Slade ( a literal fucking pedophile) is better than Dick. Hell on earth.

[adhara2034]

//TW talks of SA\\

Something i thing is so not talked about in DC is the fact that Dick Grayson has been SAed twice.

The first time happening when a teammate (Mirage) took on the appearance of Kori and mislead Dick into sleeping with her (something else messed up is that Kori actually slut shamed him for this)

The Second hapoeneing when Dick was frozen, he had just had a terrible day and had poison in his system and was taken advantage of in his state, even though you see him telling her (Tarantula) not to touch him.

I just think that this is such a fucked up and traumatising part of Dick Grayson that is overlooked. I think part of it has to do with the fact that male SA isn't spoken about which is really fucked up

[tomorrowxtogether]

TOMORROW X TOGETHER Announce “ACT : SWEET MIRAGE” 2023 World Tour

The K-pop idols will hit Asia and the US

TOMORROW X TOGETHER are already gearing up for their second trek around the globe with their newly-announced “ACT : SWEET MIRAGE” tour. The K-pop stars are scheduled for 21 shows across 13 cities in Asia and the U.S.

The Artist of the Month alums will kick things off in Seoul on March 25th. Their Asian leg will take them to Singapore, Taiwan, and Japan before they come to the US. Stateside, the group will make stops in cities including Charlotte, DC, and San Antonio, before the finale on May 27th in Los Angeles. See the full itinerary for the “ACT : SWEET MIRAGE” 2023 tour dates below.

Venues will be announced soon, as will more dates on TOMORROW X TOGETHER’s next world tour. Tickets will be available via Ticketmaster or Stubhub; specific details are still forthcoming.

TOMORROW X TOGETHER will release their 5th EP, The Name Chapter: TEMPTATION, on January 27th. Last July, members Soobin, Yeonjun, Beomgyu, Taehyun, and Hueningkai chattedwith Consequence about performing in the US.

TOMORROW X TOGETHER 2023 Tour Dates: 03/25 – Seoul, KR 03/26 – Seoul, KR 04/01 – Singapore, SG 04/05 – Taipei, TW 04/14 – Osaka, JP 04/15 – Osaka, JP 04/18 – Saitama, JP 04/19 – Saitama, JP 04/25 – Kanagawa, JP 04/29 – Aichi, JP 04/30 – Aichi, JP 05/06 – Charlotte, NC 05/09 – Belmont Park, NY 05/10 – Belmont Park, NY 05/16 – Washington, DC 05/19 – Duluth, GA 05/20 – Duluth, GA 05/23 – San Antonio, TX 05/24 – San Antonio, TX 05/27 – Los Angeles, CA

[rolling-in-guano]

31DOD Day 29

TW: Discussion of sexual assault

If there was going to be a Nightwing black label book, I would want it to explore Dick's history with sexual harassment and violence. There has been a lot of mishandling and uncomfortable portrayals of this in Dick Grayson's stories so it would be nice to see the topic get some real attention.

I don't think comics have to shy away from such serious topics. It is something that happens in real life and writing is all about shining a flashlight on these sorts of things. Telling a well written story about trauma can be so important for people who have experienced that trauma and those who haven't. In the past, comics have handled drugs, alcohol, and STDs in ways that was understandable even for a younger audience. I loved that Mia Dearden talked about having HIV in a realistic way. DC has shied away from this type of content which is such a shame. Comics were some of the first media that embraced people of color and the LGBTQ+ community. Admittedly, a lot of that representation hasn't been the best. Anyway, a black label book would be a great place to explore what is considered a more adult topic. Just because it is black label doesn't mean it has to be unnecessarily dark and gritty.

If I were to try and list all the times Grayson has been violated, it would take me all day. But between Catalina Flores, Liu, Mirage, and a spate of uncomfortable comments and touches coming from a laundry list of others, there is a lot to work with. It would be nice to see it worked with in a way that isn't played off as a joke!

Similarly, Dick Grayson has dealt with a lot of brainwashing and manipulation from a variety of sources: Church of Blood, Spyral, the Joker, Court of Owls, and so on. This is another very intimate violation of his autonomy. There is just so much about his character that feels like it has been shoved under the bed.

I'm not totally sure where I'm going with this, but it has been a long time since I've seen a modern comic deliver a truly poignant message.

[dumbass-extraordinaire]

okay but legit i am so fucking pissed about the way dc handles sexual assualt, specifically with male victims (i’m looking at you devin grayson) like fuck you!

[theofficialdailyplanet]

@dangerousdan-dan

EXACTLY THIS

they have sm female characters that they have no reason to make rapists

aside from ivy some of the big ones that come up are

mirage who's brazilian

tarantula, latina

and talia, whos chinese-iranian.

and thats only in the batfam - not including the rest of the justice league (ex: the amazon origin whe

the racialised hypersexual rape fantasy dc writers continually peddle with these women makes me so sick i need these people dead fr

dick is constantly made to be the prime example of how dc is shit when it comes to male rape survivors and continues to either make them the but of the joke or hypersexualise them

i've already talked about how hbo changed the name in a gag they made abt tarantula raping nightwing - making him out to be whiny and implying no one cared about what happened

and now theyre continuing to hypersexualise him apparently making it a "major plot point" in season 4

was a fan of this show for how they changed ivys character from the sexualised female rapist to a chill, clothed, eco-terrorist activist that isnt a rapist (honestly one of the only iterations i can stand watching her in as it isnt insanely triggering like most of the dcau versions)

but whats the point if they continue to maintain the narrative that male survivors are constantly a joke? that theyre weak, whiny, annoying? that no one cares? honestly shame on dc- again

[sbd-laytall]

Hi, can you tell that I hate it here?

[hyacinthus-orientalis-linnaeus]

I think with Tana it’s because the intention is clear that she’s meant to be a good, kind person. And she shows that repeatedly through the book.

but the writer could not help being gross by aging her up to be adult. Because in the 90s, young boy/older woman was considered really hot. It was everywhere. and not considered predatory in a lot of fiction. It was considered the act of a guy whose really good at getting woman.

So Tana is a tricky position. the book positions her as a good person. And she shows she loves Superboy sincerely. But the very act of the relationship is her biggest sin. So most people quietly ignore the age gap for what the author intended. And just try to pretend she’s his age.

TL; DR Tana’s sin is the writer’s being gross than active malice/grooming on the character‘s part. so compared to Knockout she is given far more leeway.

Yeah, I guess, but it’s still not okay. I’m just constantly really upset and disappointed with how DC handles male victims. Tana and Conner is one of the smaller instances, but the writers are notoriously bad at dealing with abuse and rape toward their male characters.

Dick Grayson was canonically raped twice. Once was when Mirage disguised herself as Starfire and slept with him. He believed that he was sleeping with his girlfriend, and was called a slut by his teammates and victim blamed and dumped by his girlfriend for “cheating” on her. The second was when Tarantula took advantage of him when he had a panic attack over her killing Blockbuster, even though he was incapable of giving consent at the time and specifically told her not to touch him. Not only did the writers brush this under the rug, but they had him stay in an abusive relationship with her and she almost forced him to marry her. Not to mention the countless incidents of sexual harassment that were ignored and Raven manipulating his emotions to make him date her.

Thalia al Ghul drugged Bruce Wayne and raped him. That’s how Damian exists. Ra’s al Ghul tried to have one of his half-sisters rape Tim Drake because he wanted Tim’s child as his heir, since he couldn’t have Tim himself. Rose Wilson tried to force Tim to sleep with her in an attempt to stay on the Titans. And there are tons more incidents like these where male victims were brushed under the rug and/or ignored.

I kind of went off on a tangent there, but my point is that I made the post about Tana and Conner because it really ticks me off how DC treats male victims, and while there have been at least a few conversations about the other incidents I mentioned, I’ve never seen anyone talk about the issues with Tana/Conner. Even if it wasn’t done intentionally, Tana was written as an adult, and as an adult she should not have been with a minor seven years younger than her physically (and only a few years old technically).

[ectonurites]

Do you happen to know what people were saying on Travis Moore's art of Kyle? I don't have twitter but I love his art soooo

just woke up from a nap and had two asks abt this so putting it in one

like technically he didn’t make some big statement before leaving that I saw, so I could be wrong, but Im relatively active on dc twitter and had been online a lot the day this art was posted by DC as a promo for last stories of the dc universe

and twitter went APESHIT, understandably because this is such a wack and cool collection of titans all in one place, and this was leading up to stuff with death metal and even if everyone was still confused abt what the hell was going on in the event this is just so cool to see! (i deadass cried over that grouping of the core four together and CISSIE AND STEPH BEING GROUPED WITH THE TITANS!!!) 

but the artist, Travis Moore, had been tagged in dc’s original post, which many people responded to with him also tagged in their responses and well, people on twitter are very... pushy sometimes.

there were many, many jokes immediately sexualizing kyle because of how good his ass looks in the shot, which isn’t inherently bad but can be overwhelming and also like... people just take things really far sometimes

a more pressing part was there were a LOOOOT of people doing the ‘why isn’t  X character here? X should be here!!!!!’ which again isn’t like, the worst offense in the world, it makes sense to want to see your fave included in stuff like this, but something like that’s not up to Travis Moore as the artist? 

then related to that, the biggest issue which people were right to be mad about but directed the anger in the wrong place was regarding the inclusion of Mirage among the heroes considering [RAPE TW FOR LINKED POST] what she did to Dick (also extremely unfortunately she is not the first character to sexually assault Dick as the post im linking to explains, and then not to mention how DC has never really properly handled either situation). Which again, understandable to be mad about! but 100% NOT something that was up to Travis Moore himself. The artist doesn’t usually just... get to choose which characters go in a heavily promoted spread for a major event like this? Problems with that should go directly to DC or the writers, the ones who actually make those choices, but people were still really pushing on it and definitely sent the blame toward him/got very angry about it in posts he was tagged in directly.

Now again, technically this all could have been unrelated to why he deactivated, since I didn’t see a statement or anything from him about why he did it. But it was within like three or four hours of this art being posted that he did, so the timing seems way too related to just be a coincidence, especially because he’d been relatively active on twitter before this, posting art every now and then for a WHILE, until this art which got such strong reactions came around.

hope that makes sense and if anyone has a different explanation for it and im totally off base PLEASE correct me, but this was absolutely how it seemed as someone who was around twitter that day 

[herecomesnaya]

Dick Grayson and the Desexualization of Rape Victims

okay. it's time to make this post. because apparently, some people are still on some bullshit when it comes to this topic. obviously, tws for rape and all the discussions around that apply to this post.

know what I hate? I hate hearing things like "you're sexualizing a rape victim!" when we talk about characters like Dick Grayson. know why I hate it? a few reasons.

1. Dick Grayson is not a real person who can see these things and be offended or triggered by them. it's disrespectful to use real life talking points and apply them to a fictional character as if he can respond. no real person that exists is making Dick Grayson feel uncomfortable by talking about his ass, because Dick is not a real person. but let's put that aside for now.

2. the constant insistence on revisiting the Tarantula situation is upsetting to me. it's not canon anymore. it hasn't been in years. in order for DC to address it, you'd have to make that traumatic situation happen to Dick again. why? why do we have to have a rape plot? why can't we put that bad decision in the past? why do we have to "punish" Tarantula, a fictional (WOC) character, for the actions a (white) woman who really exists made her do?

3. this one is the crux of my frustration: the idea that, as a survivor of sexual assault, Dick should not be sexualized. that being raped erases him of his right to have a sexuality. it reinforces the idea that every rape victim develops a complex about sex, that it invariably makes them uncomfortable, that anyone hitting on them is traumatic.

Dick is a sexual character. you can't say that's a recent thing. he's got a little black book that isn't so little dating all the way back to his first appearances. it's not a new thing -- what's new is DC's focus on marketing him toward women as a sexual fantasy, which I already explained in my previous post why that should not be an issue.

Dick is a romantic. Dick likes sex. Dick hits on people. Dick flirts with them. Dick is comfortable being intimate with people in that way. the fact that (in timelines that are not canon anymore) he was raped does not mean people are no longer allowed to be horny for him.

what you have to understand as a comics fan is that there are going to be issues where things happen that you don't agree with. things that are poorly-written. things are going to happen that will never come up again, which is disappointing, but it's the nature of the beast when your entire business model is based on outsourcing the writing to multiple different creative teams with vastly different ideas on how to interpret characters and write a good story. sometimes that’s a good thing, like in the event that editorial makes a bad decision to let a bad plot slip through the cracks.

Tarantula was a thing that happened. it is not the only thing that happened to him. Mirage happened. it happened even longer ago than Tarantula, and is even less canon. these two stories do not define Dick. they should not.

do you know what I see when I look at some of these posts? I see that rape victims are only allowed to be rape victims. that once you've been raped, that's all people ever see. that they'll never be able to treat you the way you'd been treated before, because you're fragile, because you're broken, because someone else took a part of you away for good and you're not allowed to get it back.

it's fucked up. it's fucked right the hell up, and it needs to stop. the demonization of (largely) female fans who enjoy writing and drawing sexy shit and making jokes about his ass needs to stop. the slut-shaming and sex-shaming needs to stop. you need to re-evaluate your viewpoints if you think that someone sexualizing a fictional character is somehow an affront to both that fictional character and real rape victims.

and to the rape victims who may disagree: you don't speak for all of us. stop pretending like you do. stop perpetuating myths about us that make people think less of us when they know about our past.

and fuck all the posts that made me angry enough to write a post about it and out myself, for fear that this won't be taken seriously if I don't. something I said I'd never do on tumblr for the sake of shitty fictional character discourse. fuck it. cards on the table: stop being a fucking asshole to people about this shit. you never know what someone’s past is like.

think about real people before fictional characters. always.

[devilsknotrp]

Congratulations, Cee! You’ve been accepted for the role of Bobby Davies with the faceclaim of Julian Morris. Here’s another sample application from one of our existing members. You can find our other sample applications in this tag here. If you’re working on an app and have any questions, don’t hesitate to send them through.

OUT OF CHARACTER

Name: Cee Age: 20 Pronouns: She/her Timezone: GMT+10 Activity estimation: During my university break, I can typically post IC every day or every second day, doing multiple threads. During semester, I’m usually able to write and post IC every 2-3 days, at least. If I know I’ll be extremely busy, I’ll request a hiatus or semi-hiatus or stagger posts slightly! Triggers: N/A

IN CHARACTER: BASICS

Full name: Robert ‘Bobby’ Davies Age (DD/MM/YYY): Thirty (30/09/1966) Gender: Cis male Pronouns: He/him Sexuality: Homosexual demiromantic Occupation: Systems research analyst Connection to Victim: Truthfully, through town gossip. He’s never spoken a word to any of the Goodes. Maggie’s brought Linda up once or twice over dinner, especially since Brian has gone missing. All Oh, poor Brian and sidelong glances at Deborah. That, or the Goodes have been mentioned in passing when he’s landed himself in a hushed, sensitive crash-course on his younger sister. Alibi: He was at a high-end wine bar in Lansing that afternoon, doing his damnedest to impress a colleague over a twenty-dollar glass of merlot. Bobby’s been tentative to suggest to him they go for drinks, especially on a four-thirty Friday knockoff. So they agreed for Saturday instead. He drove back alone to Devil’s Knot around 8.45 that night and went straight to bed. Faceclaim: Julian Morris

WRITING SAMPLE

His eyes are starting to blur. Long gone are the heat mirages and blinding pale sunlight across the flat. Now, the horizon bleeds into purple and blue. Worse yet, the radio’s been reduced to static and there’s not a cassette to be found in the car. A hand idly goes up to pinch the bridge of his nose first, then rub at the corner of one eye. At first, the distant spot of light is dismissed by fatigue, although as he nears the brightness grows, bringing into focus silhouettes of parked trucks and cars, patchy along the line of a gas station.

Once there he pulls over. At the pumps Bobby stops, although he doesn’t get out of the car right away. He’s somewhere over the Nevada border, past Reno but ultimately nowhere. Why didn’t he buy a goddamn plane ticket? Right. Work had left him high and dry, damn near cashless save for what he’d stuffed his wallet with. They’d even been hesitant to cough up a final pay, leaving Bobby with no choice but the car, though he suspects it’s got a touch more leg room than economy.

Deep down, he drives for the nostalgia. Lets himself revisit the same sights from the way over when he was eighteen. Though, there’s a few more strip malls than he recalls along the way, and the songs on the radio don’t sound quite right. No more Bruce Springsteen and AC/DC. It sounds sadder. The drive’s also to tell himself that when he gets back to Devil’s Knot, Perry won’t be there waiting. Neither will Maggie. It’ll likely be close to midnight when he arrives, the town deadened by sleep and the outskirts pitch black. It’s a cosmic joke that he’ll probably have to get a room at Sal’s run-down motel. Maybe that’s his trial by fire.

Bobby lets out a sigh and leaves the car. His feet shuffle on the spot as the tank refills, homed in on the rhythmic click of the gas pump, the rush of trucks that fly by left muted, as if they’re ways away rather than right beside him. Inside, he meanders between the aisles of garish chip packets and half-melted candy. He’s not proud of impulse buys but the CD copy of a Toto album is set on the counter with resolution as he mutters the pump number, pulls out a few fifties before going on his way once more. The CD slipped in, the stereo begins to blare in a bid to stay awake. Maybe if he can just make it to the state border and hit Utah, it’ll be enough to get there by the end of the week.

He has to stop at a place far closer, though, because there’s a lightness in his chest and not enough air seems to be getting in. It’s asthma, he chalks it down to; only part of the cocktail of nerves he can’t gulp down. At the back of his neck there’s gooseflesh. It doesn’t go away, even as he checks into a highway motel and clicks the television on to the eleven-p.m. news while he searches for a puffer in his duffel bag. It’s a feel-good story, the newscasters smiling and laughing with each other. With the help of a stale mini-bottle of whiskey from the motel fridge, Bobby manages to fall asleep before the midnight television static sets in.

ANYTHING ELSE?

BACKGROUND

TW FOR DRUGS / DRUG USE, OVERDOSE.

As many others can attest to, 1984 has, and continues to, shake Bobby to his core. Try as he might to swallow it back down the taste lingers sour, like bile. Until then he had grown up having what most considers a ‘normal’ childhood. Or a variant of it; depends on who you ask. Small town, a single mother, no dad in sight and grades high enough to make a Mensa member swoon. He had brought up his father once or twice when he was quite young. His curiosity eventually waned once he grew closer with his mother, Maggie, or found his nose becoming caught between a hefty book more and more often. Much to her chagrin, he’d already begun to gobble up Stephen King novels by the time he was thirteen. Books were a pleasant escape from the static of Devil’s Knot, at least for a while.

The year Phillip Silverman died and Pete narrowly avoided the same fate sticks out like a sore thumb. It’s red and swollen and throbbing – infected – and clear as day in the back of his head. Although he’s tried to rid himself of it, tuck the year away nice and neat, it threw everything off-kilter. The IB grades, the cherry-red As on his papers. An Ivy League university just in his grasp. Whatever he was sure of in himself; a hundred and one ways to get out of town and make something of himself once graduation rolled around, all gone. He wanted to get to NASA – where did that go?

Instead of graduating with friends and spending afternoons blush-drunk in the car of the boy he loved a little way out of town in the summer, an ugly mess of events sent him fleeing. He’s never forgotten the flash of red and blue some months later outside the house. Snow dappling the frozen, muddy front year, hands just free of a prayer before dinnertime, Max up and gone with the follow of Charlie Taylor’s pinched stare.

As if the murder, the endless days spent sleuthing for a whodunnit like an episode of Scooby Doo didn’t leave an imprint on him, the trial certainly did. It was the first time he’d ever worn a suit – a proper suit. He still remembers the too-tight collar, the beads of sweat on his forehead, the click of the stenographer in a Lansing courtroom. The worst part, though, was the fall of Maggie’s expression at the end of it.

Bobby didn’t even graduate high school. Where his diploma should be on the wall of Maggie’s living room, framed in beautiful wood and glass and stared at with that wistful smile of hers, it’s not. Instead he drove west with Perry Esposito. He’d planned it for some time. A tatty duffel bag under the bed, bursting at the seams with a few good books and wads of cash he’d saved from odd jobs, birthdays, loose change and old clothes. Cooped up in Sal’s shitty crate of a car with his knees to his chest, poring over a paranormal reader’s digest in the passenger seat, he was sure he could wean himself off the growing panic that grappled its way up his chest cavity. But somewhere in a Californian hotel parking lot, things crumbled once more. Raised voices skipped over the roof of a car, he stole it and ended up boggle-eyed and knee-deep between the swathes of tech geniuses in Silicon Valley.

It sounds like something out of a movie, he can admit. But it’s true. There were a few hiccups here and there for a kid with no qualifications, although things ironed out once people realised he had a natural aptitude, was too smart for his own good. He soon forgot Perry; or acted like he did.

Habits of small town living still lingered there. Although, people on the West Coast seemed more… accepting. Nobody would bat an eyelid if he said he had no other qualifications besides a few months between a tech start-up and unpaid internship, if he became too touchy with another man beside the pool at a casual ‘work’ party or a friend gestured to a tabletop lined by neat white and somebody’s credit card, for that matter. Over the years he’s gotten his hands grubby with money, drugs, uttering This means nothing, agreeing to it. Although it made him feel sure of himself, strangely, it hasn’t come without a price.

When he looks back, it was all far too much for somebody of his age. It raised him, in a way. Just as Maggie did. Except ambitious corporations brought him up on lackey internships, BASIC, an eight to six day and a celebratory drink at the end of the week. Bobby, prone to burnouts and stubborn perfection, slipped into a drug habit by the time he’d hit twenty-five to cope with the pressure – although he was proud to say he’d never gotten into cigarettes. Touted as the young, bright kid obsessed with computers from a place only made infamous by grisly crime, there was an immense expectation he felt he had to live up to.

In 1993 (or ‘94, things get hazy here), Bobby willed himself to walk through the front door of a rehab centre. He’d gone too far at a party. Having wound up in a hospital with an awful taste in his mouth and a drip in his arm, the idea ate away at his head until he forced himself to it. Going back to his job as if nothing had happened, as if his friends weren’t the ones who’d egged him on to have a bit of fun, blow off steam, was much, much harder. After having grit his teeth for another two years, Bobby got in his car that summer to make the drive back to Devil’s Knot, thinking endlessly about the fact that Perry wasn’t in the seat next to him to shout Dancing in the Dark at the top of their lungs while he drove along an empty desert stretch.

Settling back into Devil’s Knot has been met with fleeting doubts. Before Brian went missing, it seemed too good to be true. Nearly everyone from high school remained. Maggie was there, albeit with a surprise that he’d ignored for a staggeringly long time. He picked up a job in Lansing in no time. Or talked his way into it, his boss raising an eye at the fact he’d not gotten so much as a high school diploma, let alone a degree. Since the disappearance of Brian Goode, the oppressive weight of 1984 has set itself upon his chest once more, made the air stifling.

HEADCANONS

Bobby feels as if he’s failed Maggie by returning home with his tail between his legs. His first dinner back home was by far the most nerve-wracking experience, even more so than the shock of catching sight of Perry Esposito behind the bar counter when he ordered a martini filled to the brim with top-shelf liquor (or the best that Devil’s Knot could muster). He expected conversation to fall back as it was in 1984. Although he’d given Maggie the occasional telephone call over the years, it was never enough to properly connect. And after 1994 it turned into complete silence until the evening he arrived back right before the stroke of midnight, hoping the front porch light was on so he could beg for a spare room. Deborah’s a strange addition to the family, although he’s teaching himself to accept it and bite back the simmering fear that he’s lost the place where he stands with Maggie. But it’s a no-brainer. He couldn’t have possibly expected, after twelve years, to come back and have the jigsaw pieces slip neatly into place. He’s skinnier now, with purple always beneath the eyes and a strange edge he hasn’t worn away just yet. Things aren’t going back to the way they were, even if a childish part of him hopes for it.

He’s been living alone for years just fine. Why has it become so difficult to do back here? Bobby’s box-sized townhouse at the end of Main Street is a mess. There’s a distinct lack of furniture save for the stuff that came with the place, a rickety tower of empty Styrofoam takeaway containers in the kitchen sink where dirty dishes should be, television antenna askew and screen buzzing with static snow in his cramped living room. Most of the furniture he owned in California has ended up in a thrift store somewhere, collecting dust. The only thing he brought with him were his clothes, a far-cry from the jean jackets and ratty Adidas Superstars he wore when everyone last saw him. He’s become plainer. Boring. Ironed slacks and crisp white button downs, the collars starchy. No bright colours. Just white and black. The only casual clothing he’ll resort to wearing is a polo shirt and blue jeans on the weekend, if he’s really struggled with the laundry. The lack of company’s certainly gotten to him. His job in Lansing is a muted nine to five, the office laid out like a rat maze and punctuated only by the ring of a telephone or clack of a keyboard, the odd few friends to chat with there at arm’s length. Lately, he’s sought company at Mandy and Mary’s place, particularly on weekends. It’s nice. It makes Devil’s Knot more bearable, as well as dinner time. Bobby can’t cook to save himself. It either turns out burned, undercooked, or tasteless. That, and the weekly family meal at Maggie’s has been his saving grace. He’s still got his place at the table there, to his relief.

Rehab was an easy decision, kind of. Simple in thought, far more difficult in execution. Around 1993, or ’94 (he struggles to remember which; the early years of the decade were a blur) he’d left what little belongings remained in his one-bedroom apartment to settle in, to bunk beds and lights out and positive affirmations and group therapy, all with a hankering for the rush he’d forced himself to wean off. Going back to work was much harder. The culture seemed stifling, or perhaps too impulsive to let him be comfortable. Come on, a little won’t hurt. It’s not that bad. It didn’t take a phone call, or a missing boy in the news to send him back home. No, it was an itch under the skin that kept coming back on every Friday night get-together for after-work drinks.

Brian’s disappearance has made Bobby feel as if he’s been thrown back to 1984. Nothing pleasant, like Marty McFly going back to a wealthy family and happy girlfriend with a big shiny truck. No, it’s as if the search parties, sombre conversation with old friends has put him right back into his spot in the teenage “Scooby Gang” he’d wound up a part of. Worse still is that the sympathetic remarks he’s gotten from those in town makes him feel like he’s been reduced back to a wide-eyed teen. Or maybe it’s all in his head. With a tendency to bottle things up and never set things straight, Bobby’s nowhere near as open as he used to be. There are many things he hasn’t told Maggie, there are many things he hasn’t dared to admit to himself. He can feel the tension bubbling away at the back of his throat. One day, he suspects it’ll come right back up.

Bobby is selfish. After having learned to finally say no, stop putting himself up to the task of making sure others are happy at his own expense, there are many things he does that signals he wants to save his own neck. If he wants to get his way, he knows he can do so with money, all under the guise of a smile and sugar-coated generosity. Although he’ll genuinely splurge on those dear to him come Christmas time and birthdays, there are others he wants to have a sway over through grand gestures. He knows the novelty will wear off eventually.

His new job is okay – just okay. The work is repetitive at best, although it pays the bills and keeps him fed. He wanted a more senior position at first (I’ve got the experience and the skills straight from Silicon Valley, he’d pitched at the interview) but one glance down to the missing degree on his resume was all it took to put him down as a mundane desk worker. The last few months working it are bearable, although he wonders whether it’ll get any better than what he’s got now. A New Year’s resolution Bobby plans to keep once 1997 rolls around is to move to Lansing, maybe. Work part-time, go for a proper degree. If not only to make himself feel like less of a failure in Maggie’s eyes, it’ll help him shed off the worry that things are becoming static again.