#tumblr tried to autocorrect so fucking much

[fangaddict]

Soup or Salad

Hi so this is the fic I've been promising for months,the ending is kinda rushed so sorry not sorry for that!however I do have more ideas I might put on a post just going over that!

“It's cold outside," Martin sighed, shivering slightly. "So is turning the ac all the way up to max coldness really necessary Michael?" He said, irritation apparent in his voice. Michael simply chuckled "no, but is anything I do really necessary? And besides, I like seeing you both squirm." Martin rolled his eyes and looked over to Jon. Jon was currently submerged in the soup both of them were currently sitting in. "Yeah! And on top of it all, you're making me miss work for this." Jon said grumpily. Looking away with his arms crossed, "it's really annoying."He added with a mumble.He tried and failed to hide his flushed cheeks from everyone.

Michael stared down Jon as it smiled a gleefully sadistic smile "Would you prefer I just cut to the main course then my delectable, juicy, morsel?" it laughed and leaned in closer before snapping its jaws mere inches from Jon's face "I'm starving" it snarled,its lips curled into a malicious grin. Jon jumped back, he felt his hands grew ice cold and his pulse quickened as all the color drained from his face. Why was he so scared? He knew Michael wouldn't hurt him… right? "V very funny Michael… " he grumbled as he stuttered a bit, taken aback by the sudden and violent shift to a tone so threatening. He straightened up a bit and frowned slightly, then he furrowed his brow further."You don't scare me Micheal,I've dealt with a lot worse than you! Now leave me alone I'm trying to stay warm in this lukewarm soup,since you insist on keeping it so damn cold in here." As per usual, Jon was turning to denial as a defense mechanism for when he was afraid. However his body language betrayed him as he was now a shivering blushing mess.

"MICHAEL! I told you to be nice towards Jon, you know this is his first time so behave yourself or it will be the last time mister!” Michael’s sharp grin crashed into a frown as it rolled its eyes. “Finnnnneeee, I'll be nice and gentle with your Archivist.” Martin sputtered, “I don't own Jon like a dog Michael.” Meanwhile Jon was trying to not become as red as a tomato, much like how he was trying to scrub the now permanent memory of Michael snarling at him. His attention was quickly drawn back to a ‘clink’ of Michael’s spoon hitting the bowl as it scooped Martin up.

Michael was literally buzzing with excitement causing Martin to chuckle,"Finally done teasing now?" Martin said, still chuckling slightly. Michael paused before nodding and tipped the man in its mouth. Martin tasted like sweet and mild chamomile tea,a flavor it learned to appreciate as time went on. It continued licking the man in its maw now purring softly. However Michael had enough of tasting and wanted to move on to it favorite part,swallowing the cute lil snack down.

Jon watched in fascination as Michael gently tipped Martin into its gaping maw. It purred in satisfaction as it swished martin carefully in its mouth ,tasting every bit of him. An audible gulp is heard as Jon watches Michael place it's index finger on the lump that Martin made and traced it all the way down to its stomach. Michael sighed contently, rubbing its stomach affectionately. Suddenly a wicked grin played its face as it looked over to Jon, " oh, would you look at that, it's an all you can eat buffet!" it scooped up Jon onto the spoon as well "and it looks like you're on the menu tonight~" it teased.

I quickly covered my face with my hand to hide my blush. Just because this played into a very specific comfort fantasy doesn't mean I have to confess that to anyone.this was suppose to be scary,in fact it was scary. So why wasn't it now? How did I get to this point in my life? I don't know-

“You’re rambling Archivist.” Jon pauses. “Please tell me I didn't say that out loud.” Michael hums,"maybe you did Archivist,what do you think?". Michael’s sly Cheshire smile widened as it scanned Jon up and down. Jon buried his face into his hands even more,"I'm so sorry about that." Laughter erupts from the distortion, "why are you apologizing Archivist? You haven't done anything wrong so calm down and let me take you in,alright jon?" It's tone softened when using his name. Jon blushed even more at Michael's sudden change into a more softened tone, he definitely wasn't expecting it.

Michael was thoroughly amused by the Archivist's reaction so far,it was particularly entertaining to have the man open up to Michael like this. Something it didn't expect when suggesting this to the pair of morsels,however this wasn't unwelcome to it. "Alright anyways heart to heart aside you should probably just get on with it. It's really fucking cold out here Michael." The distortion quirked its eyebrow,"getting eager are we Archivist?" The tiny man sighed in annoyance as Michael chuckled,"Look you can call me eager all you want,however if you don't get on with it I swear I will just hop in your mouth Michael! It's cold and I'm tired. Let me have this, you neon trainwreck."

A cacophony of distorted laughter came from Michael,"My my if I knew you would be so willing I would have asked you for this sooner,but alright my lovely meal I'll go right ahead." It gently placed the tiny Archivist in its mouth,carefully avoiding catching his skin on its sharp teeth. The subtle bitter flavor of dark chocolate trailed Michael’s tongue as it licked the Archivist. Something that didn't pair well with the soup,however it didn't particularly care about its prey tasting good. Just the feeling on their small forms sliding down was enough to satisfy it. Speaking of which, the distortion figured Martin was worrying about Jon by now so it made its tasting session short before sending him down to join the assistant. Trailing a long finger down with him. 

Jon was gently squished down as Michael swallowed him down,it was slightly claustrophobic for him now that he was actually in this scenario. Granted he didn't know what to expect considering he didn't believe such a thing would be possible till today. Luckily this part went rather quickly,too quickly it seemed, before long the man was dropped on something that was soft and… that can grunt? "Glad you could drop in love."

Martin chuckled as Jon shot up and scrambled off him."I'm so sorry about that martin.Are you alright?I didn't hurt you too badly right?" Martin shook his head fondly."Yes Jon,I'm fine. You're barely skin and bones so you didn't hurt me that badly." Jon scoffed playfully,"I'm offended, my own boyfriend bullying me? How rude!"The taller man pulled the other into a hug,"Well maybe if you ate more you wouldn't be a walking stick man."Jon yawned."Mmm, still unfair." The two doze off soon after.

The first thing Jon awoke to was water gently pouring on him. The water was warm on his back and his hair was soaked by the time the man had fully awakened. “Finally awake Archivist?” Michael gingerly patted his head,"mmh yep.Im awake unfortunately." It giggled, "Apologies dear,however lucky for you I believe you are clean so I can now turn the water off." Michael turned the water off and gently patted Jon dry.

"Michael you don't have to do this,I can do this myself."Michael hummed in dissatisfaction,"Archivist have you mayhaps considered people want to take care of you?" Jon groaned in response."I suppose…but that doesn't mean I have to like it." A gentle purr came from Michael,"Hmmm well maybe you should like it because you deserve nice things Archivist. Now shush so I can get your dear assistant out."Jon rolled his eyes but stayed quiet.

After a while both Jon and Martin were dried,clothed, and back to normal size.the three of them laid cuddled on a couch,"Soooo how was it?" Michael broke the peaceful quiet with its excitement. Martin paused to consider the question, "it was nice,I wouldn't mind doing it again honestly. How about you Jon?" The other man perked up,"hm? Oh yes well,it was enlightening." The third non gendered party smirked deviously,"oh so that's what we're calling it Archivist? Does that mean I did a good job then?"Jon shook his head."Not going to comment on that,but yes you did well and I wouldn't oppose doing it again.With advanced notice,I don't want to skip out on my work." The two men were gently pulled closer as Michael let a soft purr out."Of course, Archivist.I wouldn't dream of it!" It was lying.

[afriendlyblackhottie]

One or the Other

Pairings: Steve Rogers x female!reader x Sebastian Stan

Summary: after hooking up with Bucky and not telling Steve, you’ve been letting the guilt get to you. Good thing bad it doesn’t have to.

Warnings: minors dni, smut, perceived cheating, manipulation, knotting, unprotected sex, non con, oral sex, Daddy kink

[A/N: yaaaay finally. Lmao I rewrote this so many times so omg I’m happy it’s finally done I hope all of you like it 😀☺️ this is unedited as I write it on tumblr’s writing thing and autocorrect is ass and and I… make mistakes lmao. Please don’t forget to like and comment. If you really really like it I’m taking tips CA: $allieday27 & PP: @allieafbh. Thanks so much for reading guys. You know I love coming back to you 💜 ✌🏾)

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“He wouldn’t what?”

This time Steve said it with a scoff, as the words had just come from his boyfriend’s lips. Don’t even know how you’d gotten to this topic. Definitely didn’t feel appropriate for the dinner table even if you were at the point where the bill was being paid. Especially not the swanky restaurant they’d had you sitting in all dressed up like you were their shared date.

Hell they’d all but asked for that anyway. Had told you they were taking you out and to be ready by seven. It’d been about a month since you’d started living with them anyway. Bucky had clearly meant it when he said he liked the housewife look on you as it self like that’d pretty much had been what you’d become.

Who else would become the lady of the house if not for the lady of the house. Especially as they’d kept you sleeping in between them. Had been feeling bad for their lack of intimacy even, but they insisted it was fine.

It wasn’t like the three of you hadn’t talked about sex before. Sure you hadn’t gone into detail, but you’d never call yourself a prude. Normally. But all of that was before Bucky had tasted your pussy. Before Steve had started kissing you goodnight every single night as the two of you fell asleep on the same bed.

And now like that first night it was Steve’s turn to find out your dirty little secret. That you’d been dating a man who wouldn’t do what his boyfriend easily did. Behind his back. And fuck it made you feel like the worst kind of person.

“Tell him, Y/N,” Bucky insisted, as if it was pressing news, but after they’d scared him shitless when they went to retrieve your things the day before they’d been a little hyped off their own egos.

“I mean… yeah… I know but-,”

“But what?” Steve laughed. “I just never took you as the type to settle.”

You crinkled your nose at his words. Looking over at Bucky who seemed just as curious to hear your answer. “I mean what can I say, it wasn’t like he was bad in bad necessarily he just said he didn’t like it.” You tried excusing it away. Not exactly wanting to be the topic of conversation anymore.

Bucky and Steve looked to one another. Sharing a knowing glance before Steve reached over to place his hand over yours. “Any man would be lucky to eat your pussy.”

“Steve!” You gasped, ripping your hand away from him. Looking around to make sure no one heard as the two of them laughed. So unlike him anyway. What happened to the reserved sweetheart the world had come to love.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” His laughter slowed to light hearted chuckles. “But I mean it.” He shrugged. “Right, Bucky?”

Who was the best and worst person to ask this question to. Your face heating up as he smirked at you. Making you squirm under his icy gaze. “Definitely, Doll.”

You crossed your arms, looking away from the both of them to try and gather your thoughts. Could feel their eyes on you as they changed the conversation. Already feeling cruddy enough that you’d let your best friends boyfriend touch you like that or that you hadn’t been able to get it out of your head since it happened.

The annoying craving you hadn’t been able to shake of wanting him to do it again, but maybe even more. Maybe even worse. Had been craving the way he talked at you. Which was making all of this really difficult right now.

As you looked back over to them you saw them do these little smiles before pecking each others lips. The romantic gesture causing your heart to ache a little. Which was so annoying as you’d never felt like that before. My how things can change in a month.

“Where you going?” Came from my mouth as soon as Steve stood up.

“Bathroom. Why you gonna miss me?” He teased.

“Definitely,” you mumbled as he leaned down to kiss your forehead. The spot tingling as he walked away. Bucky still keeping his eyes on you as if he was being paid to baby sit you.

“Did I tell you, you look nice tonight?” He said after a few moments of silence. As if he didn’t know. Before you left the house him and Steve had called you pretty so many times you were scared it was adding to your ego.

“Once or twice,” you replied, face feeling hot. Not that you wanted him to affect you like this.

Bucky looked his lips before they turned up in a smile. “What do you wanna do after this?” He asked. “Too pretty for us to just take you home. Gotta show you off.”

“It’s fine,” you replied. “Besides I’m getting kinda tired.” He narrowed his eyes before standing up. Coming to sit on the same side as you in the empty booth. “What are you doing?” You asked with a chuckle.

“Tired my ass. Come on, Doll. What do you wanna do? We could go dancing or maybe get some ice cream,” he named off before stopping. “Actually… that ice cream sounds really good.” He hummed before bringing his lips close to your ear. “Maybe I could eat it off of ya?”

“Bucky!” You smacked his leg making him laugh.

“I’m just messing with you, Doll.” He didn’t stop his laughter, “but actually that doesn’t sound like too bad of an idea.”

You glared at him as he smirked. Clearly proud of himself for his ability to make you squirm. If anything it was only egging him on. Wanted to see how far he could push you.

“Remind me to schedule an ice cream date for us one of these days,” he said, placing a hand on your thighs. The dress you were wearing was the one they helped you pick it when they took you shopping. Said you couldn’t wear any of the rags you wore on dates with Bryce while with them. As if it had bothered them before.

They weren’t lying when they said it had hugged four curves real well. Made you look like a grown woman. Could have sworn you saw Bucky’s pants get a little tighter when you modeled it for them. Now he was feeling all up on you without a care in the world when his partner could have come back at any moment.

“Fuck, Doll, you’re the prettiest fucking girl in his place,” he whispered in your ear. Free hand grabbing onto yours as the other moved circles on your thigh.

“Bucky,” you whimpered out. Already feeling like putty under his touch. “We can’t.”

“I’m not doing anything,” he said before kissing the side of your neck.

“What if he comes back,” you turned to him.

“We’re. Not. Doing. Anything,” he whispered in your ear again. Hands creeping dangerously close to your center. “See. I’m not the only one that thinks it’s insane that your boyfriend wasn’t eating you out. I ate you out once and now I can’t stop thinking about it.”

A soft gasp left your mouth as he kissed your neck again. As if there wasn’t anyone that could see the two of you in a restaurant full of people. It was like he didn’t care. Worse then that he was giving you exactly what you’d been wanting and you did not want him stopping even though this was the last thing either of you needed to be doing.

“But what about Steve?” You gasped out. “We can’t just-,”

“Steve’s fine,” he cut you off. “I think you wanna get caught. You naughty little-,”

“Alright you two ready to go?” Steve came back finally coming to sit on the side he’d already been occupying. Bucky was pulling away like shit didn’t happen

“Yeah. We were just thinking about what we should do after this,” Bucky sobered up. “What do you say doll. Keep it innocent and let us take you out for ice cream.”

And this man damn well knew he was far from innocent.

——————————————————

From the ice cream shop you were happy they were letting you call it a night. Not that you hadn’t been having fun, but you were definitely going to need a cold shower or something. Something felt strange about touching yourself while in their bed even when they weren’t home and right now you could use some kind of relief.

Had gotten off a few times in the shower but it just wasn’t the same. Even in the bathtub it was like none of it was ever enough. Funny how after all that time with Bryce you’d never felt this desperate but Bucky tongue fucks you and turns you into an addict and he hadn’t even made you cum yet.

“Damn, you’re making a big mess,” Bucky laughed as the ice cream dripped off onto your chest. Wanting to not chance it getting on your dress. “Gonna have to buy you a bib next.”

You glared at him before trying to smack his shoulder only for him to grab your hand. “Hey!” Not that he cared as he overpowered you. Leaning down so he could lick up the sticky liquid. “Bucky!”

Steve laughed beside the two of you. Shaking his head. “Gotta be tastier than eating it off the cone.”

You glared at him, but before you could say anything, Bucky grabbed the cone to hit it against your chest. The cold making you jump as Steve’s laughter increased. “Want a taste?” Bucky offered.

“Hey!” You protested, standing up. Looking down at the now dairy covered fabric. “What the hell!”

“Chill, Doll. We’re just messing around.” He laughed.

"I’m just gonna go shower,” you walked off to the guest room that had been used for your clothes that no one had bothered to make fine for you to sleep in. Regretting it tonight since you definitely needed some kind of alone time.

As you’d gathered your things to go to the bathroom you groaned seeing the door closed with the light on underneath. Fucking nice. “You ok?” Steve’s voice came from behind you making you jump. A smile turning up on his lips as you put your hands on your sticky chest cringing at the feeling. “Bucky got you pretty good, huh.”

“Yeah.” You mumbled.

“Come on. I’ll help you get cleaned up.”

“It’s fine. I’m gonna shower anyway.”

“I know, but just… let me help you, Doll.”

With that you followed him to the kitchen where he grabbed a towel to wet it. Gabbing it along your chest as you reached up to take it. “I can do it,” you said, but found yourself faltering as he looked into your eyes.

“I know, but I like taking care of you. Me and Bucky. We both do,” he said softly. “We hope you like it too.”

You nodded, lost in his gaze as he kept dabbing along your chest. “I mean I do, but-,” you stopped.

“But, what? You know you can talk to me.”

But I’ve been messing around with your boyfriend on the low? Felt so strange trying to come out and just say it. Even if you should have. “I know,” you whispered. With his half smile he leaned in to kiss your cheek. Letting his lips linger on your skin. “Steve, I…” you trailed off, chest feeling heavy. Bad enough Bucky had already worked you up.

“Talk to me, Doll,” he whispered lips close to yours now. His breath fanning against your skin.

“You know what we need?” Bucky’s voice boomed as he came into the room, making you fling yourself away. Steve stood there sober as hell still with a smirk on his face. Fuck it was like the two of them were trying to give you whiplash.

“What is it, Buck?” Steve asked.

“We are way too sober. I’ll just run to the liquor store real quick.”

Yeah cuz that’s what the three of you needed. Alcohol.

—————————————————-

That shower really didn’t do much to curb the invasive thoughts you were having. Or the aching between your thighs. Had been feeling so pent up that it was no wonder you couldn’t get it together.

Bucky was still gone and Steve was holding two records in his hand. “What do you think, Doll?” He asked holding up the two options.

“Doesn’t matter,” you mumbled.

Steve hummed in response before deciding for himself. Music soon filling the room after. Not like you hadn’t grown to like their 1940’s tastes as much as they’d been willing for you to show them your own music.

He sat down beside you. The two of you letting the music play around you as you lost yourself in thought. Had been trying to take your eyes off of his broad shoulders or anything else that might make your mouth water.

Sat through the first song, still not speaking until the next one started up. “Oh! You have to dance with me,” Steve blurted out.

“Huh?”

“Dance with me? Please.” He stood up, holding out his hand.

With a sigh you nodded. Taking his hand in yours so he could help you up. Even if you thought it was the last thing you should be doing. Ignoring the sparks that shot through your arm. Besides it was only a dance.

Steve snugly wrapped his arms around you, chin going to the top of your head. “This is nice,” he said, swaying back and forth with you.

Could feel how strong he was like this. Had gotten used to this in bed but it wasn’t like Bucky wasn’t right there. Had never felt all of him all alone.

Sure you’d hugged before, but guess you’d never felt so small next to him before. Your head starting to swim as if you’d had more to drink. Guess the two glasses of wine at dinner were starting to get to you.

“Did you have a good time tonight?” Steve asked, trying to force you to make conversation somehow. His insistence making you crack a smile as you’d had found yourself a little too comfortable in his chest.

“Mhm,” you hummed. “Until Bucky got ice cream on my dress.”

He laughed at that. “Well, to be fair, it did look pretty tasty.”

You looked up at him. Face all scrunched up. “You’re not supposed to agree!”

Another laugh left his lips as he looked down at you. “What do you want me to say.”

“I don’t know!” You rolled your eyes. “Go, hey, Y/N, sorry my boyfriend’s such an ass and spilled ice cream all over your tits.”

It only made him laugh more. “Well first of all, watch your mouth, Doll. And second it was only ice cream.”His words made your head jerk back. Except his arms tightened around you so you couldn’t step away. “Besides we had fun anyway.”

He rubbed his hands up and down your back. The spot he touched feeling so hot even through the t-shirt you were wearing. Not like he wasn’t right. Had been enjoying yourself you just felt so tense with the sneaking.

“We did,” you agreed.

“Something wrong?” He asked.

You shook your head. Going back to putting your cheek against his chest. “Just tired,” you mumbled.

“Aw, Honey.” He cooed, placing a kiss on your forehead. The spot tingling once again. “Guess I’m just surprised, though. Since the two of you had been fucking I’m surprised you’re so shy.”

With that said, it felt like someone had punched you in the gut. A sharp intake of air as if you’d been plunged into the Arctic. “Steve, we didn’t-,”

He laughed. “What? You didn’t think I’d know? Didn’t think I’d notice him touching you under the covers every night.”

“What? We haven’t.” You shook your head. “We- we didn’t. Not like that,” feeling yourself panicking.

Steve finally let you out of his hold but made sure to grab your hand. “Calm down, Doll,” he laughed. What the hell. “It’s ok.”

“I just- I’ve been wanting to tell you- and I’m sorry- I… I…,” you struggled to get the words out, “I promise I wanted to tell you i just-,”

“Doll, it’s. Fine.” Emphasizing each word. Bringing you back into him so his hands could go to your hips. “Can’t believe you didn’t think I’d already know. Think Buck wouldn’t have told me?”

You shrugged. “I don’t know. He never said- I mean we never really talked about it,” you said, feeling that familiar prickle in your eyes as you tried to hold in your tears. “It just… happened. I promise it was only once… kind of. And-,”

“Doll,” he pressed. “It’s okay.” With that pulling you over to the couch. Taking. A seat and pulling you down with him. Right on his lap. “What you don’t believe me?” He asked, putting his hand on your cheek. Stroking it with his thumb. “If it wasn’t alright you wouldn’t be here, Baby.” He chuckled. “Especially after all that Bryce shit.”

“I just… I don’t know what I would have done without you both, ya know.” Your voice cracked as a tear slid down your face. “I didn’t have anywhere else to go and-,”

“Hey,” he whispered. Hooking a finger under your chin to make you look at him. “Relax.” Catching you off guard as he placed his lips on your cheek. The warmth of him making you melt. “That’s it. That’s our girl. My girl.”

Breath hitching in your throat. “Steve…” you couldn’t help yourself as you said his name. Brain already feeling too fuzzy.

The blond licked his lips while glancing down at yours. “What is it, Baby? Tell me what you want.”

“I’m just… thankful,” was all you could muster.

Steve chuckled. “Oh come on. I think you and I both know what you want.”

Your bottom lip quivered. “I don’t-,”

But, before you could say finish he cut you off with a kiss. At first you sat on his lap frozen. Even as your heart fluttered. Not like any girl wouldn’t get like this from kissing Captain America.

Which was the problem. You weren’t supposed to be like the rest of them. “We can’t,” you forced yourself to move away.

“Says who?” He scoffed.

“I don’t get you two,” you abruptly stood up before he could react. “What was this whole thing some kind of long con to fuck me.” You stood in front of him with your arms crossed.

He shook his head. Standing up with you. “Of course not. Even if we- look if you didn’t want this, none of this would change. The problem is I know you want it. Stop pretending you don’t.”

With that his hands were back to pulling you close. Arms still folded in front of you. Not like you could deny it.

“I can fucking smell how wet you are, Doll,” he whispered in your ear. “Think Daddy doesn’t know how horny you’ve been for him.”

Your jaw dropped at that. Never thought you’d hear words like that coming from Steve of all people. So quickly too you hadn’t even-

“Steve-,”

“Nuh uh,” he said, not caring anymore as his hands went down to your ass. You jumped closer to him. That only made him smile again. “Don’t bullshit me, Baby. I can fucking smell it on you.” He laughed. “How fucking wet you are. That you’re ovulating. Bet if I touched you right now you’d cream all over.”

“Steve!” You gasped. Could not believe you’d been hearing such vulgarity from Steve of all people. Or… huh.

“But am I wrong?” He came back to sit. This time instead of sitting, you straddled him. Feeling his bulge press into your center. The sensation making you yelp.

Didn’t even get the chance to answer him as he put his hands under your ass. Gripping the flesh in his palms. Not caring as you twitched up as you came back down on top of him.

It wasn’t like you didn’t know him and Bucky are attracted to women. Just had never expected them to be attracted to you. Yet there you were on top of one after the other had gone down on you. The other positioning you right over his dick that you could tell by the feeling would no way fit inside of you.

Yet as a moan fell from your lips, you know you were definitely a goner. The point of no return and then some. “That’s right. Why are you trying to play like you don’t want it, Baby. Knew you weren’t going to say no to me.”

“Steve-,” you couldn’t help it as you whimpered out.

“Unless you’re going to beg for my dick right now I don’t want to fucking hear it,” he growled. “Getting sick of your fucking mouth.”

Another whimper coming from you. Don’t know why you would be reacting to him like this after he talked to you like that. Something about it making you want to do as he said. Listen. Be good.

“That’s my girl, huh,” he whispered. “That’s my puppy isn’t it. You’re always such a good fucking girl for me, aren’t you?” He hissed.

It was all happening so quickly. No chance to react as he started kissing you again. This time not pulling away. Wrapping your arms around his neck. Hands still massaging your ass.

Wasn’t long before you were flipped on your back with him hovering on top of you. Hooking your leg over his hip. Moaning into his mouth as he ground his crotch into yours.

His tongue fighting yours for dominance even though you were already sure of your role. He’d get his way. Already had. Wasn’t like you wanted to tell him no.

Steve pulled away so he could kiss down your neck. “Cant believe that asshole wouldn’t eat you out,” he said. “All I can fucking think about and he wouldn’t do it? Fucking loser.” Had never heard him talk like this before, but you’d be lying if you said it had no effect on you.

“Steve,” You whimpered.

“Ah ah ah, that’s not what you call me. Say it right or I’ll stop.”

No. He can’t stop why would he stop! Doesn’t he see that he was making you come undone so easily. Didn’t it mean anything to him. “I don’t- I - Daddy,” You remembered.

Steve smirked. “That’s a good girl. Take this shit off.” Barely giving you the chance to react as he yanked you up so he could pull your shirt off in one fell swoop. Breasts on full display as he licked his chops. “Fuck,” he said before leaning down to take one of your nipples into his mouth.

“Daddy!” You mewled from the contact as he made a show of circling his tongue around one of the nub.

“That’s it. Fuck. You little slut. Have you been sleeping between us without a bra on this whole time,” he asked taking it between his teeth.

“I can’t sleep with one on,” you sounded so goddamn whiny, but you couldn’t help it.

“You don’t have to lie, Doll. You been waiting for me to taste you, huh?”

Not that it was your plan, but shit you kind of wish it had been been. “I didn’t mean to,” you whimpered.

“Didn’t mean to what? First you didn’t mean to fuck my boyfriend and now you didn’t mean for me to fuck you?”

“He didn’t!” You protested.

Steve got back on his knees. Grabbing your cheeks in his hand. “What did I say about you watching your damn mouth?” He asked. Teeth barred, eyes narrow. Looking like he was ready to devour you.

“He didn’t. I promise.” You whined. “I wouldn’t do that to you. I wouldn’t.”

Steve’s eyes softened at that. Watching you lay there flat on your back at his mercy. Even still trying to be a good friend. Well… as good as one as you could be in a situation like this. Isn’t that why they needed you. Your sense of loyalty.

Were loyal to Bryce when he definitely didn’t deserve it. Had shown yourself so many times to have had their back when no one else did. Things had been hard as hell when they first came out about their relationship and yet there you were.

Had gotten so close to them that it started to feel like you were part of them. Then Bryce of all fucking people had the nerve to get jealous. Except he should have been. If they’d known how easy you would have folded they would have done this sooner actually.

So as your pleas came from your mouth insisting you were telling the truth, something about it… he doesn’t know. He was Steve Rogers after all. It really was no wonder that it somehow only made him harder. Still you saw the glimpse of the Steve you normally saw.

“I promise. I’m sorry,” you pleaded. “I was feeling so cruddy. I didn’t wanna hurt you.”

“Hey, hey,” he whispered, leaning down to kiss you softly. “It’s ok. It’s ok.” All your emotions were clearly bubbling out as he came to sit up. Bringing you with him. “It’s ok. It’s ok,” he whispered softly. Kissing your temple.

“I just-,” you wiped your eyes. “I just don’t understand.”

“About what, Doll?” He asked, having not pulled his mouth away from you.

“Is this all you two wanted. I thought- I though-,”

Steve stopped you with a kiss. “Relax,” he said against your lips. You quivered and he didn’t stop. Peck after peck after peck. “Can you do that for me?”

You nodded. Not like you hadn’t been kissing him back. It was instinctive at this point. That ache still there. Wanted to feel his teeth back on your breasts. Just wanted him. “Daddy,” you moaned again. Can’t believe how easy it was for you to flip into it.

Steve deepened it after that. Starting to get up and holding you closer to him when you gasped in surprise. Not wanting to break the moment so he went right back to it. Carrying you to the bedroom.

He dropped you down on the bed getting on his knees this time in front of you. Finally breaking your embrace. Hurrying to pull off the little shorts you were wearing. Panties coming off with it. “No more clothes at bedtime,” he mumbled putting his lips on your thigh. Something about him seemed so thirsty.

Like he was dying to lap at your- as soon as his tongue touched you it was like you melted. Sinking down into the mattress. “Steve!” You moaned.

Hands going to his hair. Nails digging into his scalp. Steve groaned against you. Taking long licks from the bottom of your pussy to your clit. “Cant believe he wouldn’t eat you out. What a fucking loser.” Steve pulled away to laugh. Using his thumb against it now. “Taste so good.”

Going back to putting his mouth on you. Mouth falling open as you laid back back. Arms going above your head as you cried out. Shit. Between him and Bucky you can’t believe you’d settled for less for so long.

“I’m gonna cum,” you moaned, getting louder as that familiar. Snap ran through you. “You’re gonna make me- you’re gonna- I’m gonna- you’re gonna make me-,” you said hips moving back and forth.

His pointer finger rubbed your entrance only turning the intensity up. Made worse when he pushed it inside of you. Middle finger joining soon after. Making you yelp as he curled his fingers inside of you.

“I’m fucking cumming!” Your eyes rolled into back of your head as it finally happened. Couldn’t remember the last time you had an orgasm. Had interrupted Bucky before he could properly get you off and you’d been so pent up ever since. Needed this so bad.

“That’s it, Baby,” he hissed pulling away as you squirted into his hand. “That’s our fucking girl.” You tried to close your legs, but all Steve did was yank them open. Clearly hungry for you as he went back to what he was doing.

Soon enough he stood up. Unbutton his shirt wanting to sit up to help, but all you could do was convulse before him. He smirked down at you. Enjoying the view of you clearly stuck in ecstasy. Wanted to know what else he could get out of you. Dying to feel you wrapped around him.

“Tell me how bad you want it,” he said kneeling down in front of you. Now naked and ready to give you every single inch.

He rubbed his dick against your slit. Making you mewl for him. How the hell could he expect you to say words right now. “I need it so bad, Daddy. Please fuck me,” you begged.

Didn’t need to ask twice. Steve lined up with you. Tip against your slit. Leaning back down to kiss you. Making you taste yourself on his tongue. Nails digging into his back as he finally slid inside.

Mouth forming into an ‘o’ as he did. “Fuck,” he breathed.

It felt like he’d filled you the brim. Too much for you to take and not enough at the same time. Face screwing up as he threaded his biceps under your legs to spread you open wider.

“Fuck me,” you begged. “Fuck me. Fuck me. Fuck me. Fuck me.”

He put his forehead against yours as he thrusted into you. “Look at me,” another growl falling from his lips as you closed your eyes. That look was back. The lust. The need. “Knew you’d have good pussy. Pussy worth waiting for. Can’t believe you’d been wasting it on that asshole. Needed real men to handle you.”

“Yes,” you moaned. His lips going to your neck as you raked your nails up and down his back. The two of you breathing heavy as he rocked deeply inside of you. Legs wrapping around him. Lips going to his shoulder.

It all happened so fast when he rolled over to pull you on top. “Ride me, Baby,” he grabbed your hips so he could start rocking you on top of him. Throwing your head back as you got on your feet. Moving up and down.

“You’re too big!” You cried. Not like you hadn’t been expecting that it’s just shit this was a lot to handle.

“Oh come on. You can take it you’ve got it. You’ll make daddy proud. You know I don’t like quitters.”

You moaned at his words as he put his hands in your hair again. Making you bend towards him so he could kiss you again. Smacking your ass and then gripping it.

You looked between the two of you seeing you hadn’t even slid down all the way. Almost scared to make an attempt but the choice was made for you as he wrapped his arms around your hips to slam you down.

It felt like he’d split you in half at any minute. Couldn’t he see that he was breaking you. Though you were sure if you asked him, he’d say he didn’t care. And at this point you weren’t sure if you did either.

As your orgasm began to hit, thoughts had clearly left your brain. Putting your face into the crook of his neck. “You’re gonna make me cum again.” Practically weeping from the overstimulation.

This time as he changed positions, pushing you back on your back. Head laying at the foot bed. Needing to be the one in control. “Gonna let me fuck you whenever I want, huh?”

“Uh huh,” was the most you could muster.

“My little play thing?” He smirked, but faltered as he moaned out. “Feel so fucking- gonna make me cum too.”

“Uh huh!” You moaned again, eyebrows scrunching up.

“Gonna make me cum in you, Baby. Fuck. Want it so bad. Want daddy’s cum don’t you.”

If you were in your right mind you would have definitely been telling him to pull out, but you were much too overwhelmed. Unable to think as he fucked into you. So close to cumming on his dick. Wanted it more than anything. Wanted to-

“Ah!” You screamed, putting your face into his sweat covered neck as you came around him. Hips bucking wildly into him as the shocks ran through you.

“That’s it, Babygirl,” he hissed. “That’s fucking it. Cum for me.”

You put your hand to your mouth, silencing yourself. Chest racking with sobs. As badly as Steve wanted to reach up to rip it away he found himself too caught up in his pleasure.

A growl curdling in his throat to come out as a, “Fuck, Babygirl,” as he chased his own orgasm. Even catching himself off guard when he pulled out to rip you onto your back. Not giving you much time to register anything either as he pushed back into you from behind. “Fuck,” his eyes rolled to the back of his head as he gripped your hips.

“Daddy!” You finally let out a scream, unable to hold yourself up. Collapsing so your ass was still in the air with your back arched.

From this angle it just seemed that you somehow felt even better. The way you wrapped around him was making him dizzy. Found himself unable to stop from giving into his primal urges as he rutted his cock into you as few as he could go.

“C’mon, Babygirl,” he hissed. “Give me one more. You can do it for me. Do it for Daddy, Baby. You know what I fucking want.”

It was like he couldn’t control his mouth and you were fully under his spell. Drinking in his words. Letting them tingle in your ear until they added to the shockwaves shooting down to your core.

Especially as he laid down on top of you. Feeling so much bigger than usual even in stature. Wrapping his arm around your neck so he could pull you in. Having his ear to your lips, “Take it, Y/N. Take it,” he spoke like he was delirious, feel like he was getting even heavier with each movement until he could finally get his knot into you.

The invasiveness made you jump. Not able to go anywhere as he’d had you trapped under him. Letting out a deeper growl as he finally let go inside of you. Hips still moving as he gave you his seed. Knot ensuring that all of it would stay deep inside your pretty little cunt.

Even with the strange sensation, you relaxed into it as he slowed. Unable to fight him. Didn’t even want to. Felt like you couldn’t after the initial shock. Steve still staying on top of you as he finally came to a stop. Breathing heavy into the crook of your neck. Eyes getting heavy with each breath.

A part of you wondering what the hell just happened, but too fucked out to speak. Or form a real thought. Especially when he kept shifting his hips as he was still inside of you. Small whimpers escaped your throat from how sensitive you were.

“Steve,” you sniffled wishing the two of you were the other way. Feeling like you needed to hold onto him.

It was like he got the hint even if he didn’t bother to move. Still feeling him swollen inside of you, through slowly softening.

His arms wrapped around you tightly. Lips going to your cheek to place a kiss on it. “Shhh, Baby. It’s ok. I’m right here. Relax,” he said into your ear. “I’m not goin’ anywhere. You didn’t such a good job for me.”

As Steve whispered sweet nothings to you, Bucky stayed in the back of your mind. Can’t believe he was still out. Shit. What the hell were you supposed to do now.

Even then it wasn’t like you could focus on worrying. Steve finally making you drift off to sleep. Getting settled underneath him with no thoughts in your brain.

——————————————————

Can’t be too much of a party if one of you was asleep now could it. His jaw dropping at Steve as he smacked the man’s shoulder. “Could have at least waited!” He laughed. Not like he was one to talk.

After he finally pulled his knot from you, he was quick to get up. Making sure to tuck you in before getting up to clean up after himself. Not bothering to put any clothes on. As if Bucky hadn’t seen all of him by now.

Steve smirked, taking a sip of water. “You could have joined in at anytime.”

Bucky poured a second glass of whisky. Before handing it to his boyfriend who accepted. “Wanted to, but i had a lot of fun watching.” Before pressing a kiss to his lips. “Fuck. You even taste like her.” He hissed.

And it was true. He really could have, but every time he tried to move a muscle he find him glued to his spot. Watching you both through the crack in the door. Hand fisting his dick until he came against the wall that would definitely need cleaning. Then he kind of wanted to wait for you to do it. Your fault anyway.

Couldn’t bring himself to look away from the best porn he’d ever seen. Right in front of his face. All his fantasies coming true. The man of his dreams fucking the shit out of girl of his dreams what else could he ask for. And watching how well you took it even as you got overwhelmed, fuck why would he have ever looked away.

That’s why as he started to appreciate Steve’s super Solider stamina as he got hard in his mouth. He couldn’t get enough of the taste of your pussy on out. He could do with letting Steve feel like a cocky bastard with two cock hungry sluts begging for his dick tonight.

The problem is that you were right there, in the middle of their bed. Freshly fucked out after taking your first knot. While he would have liked to be the one to give that to you, he was also fine with Steve’s sloppy seconds.

Which is why he couldn’t help himself as he started kissing on your thighs. Salivating at the sight of his boyfriend’s cum only making your pretty little pussy look even prettier. Of course he had to taste you. Who better to clean you both up but him.

“Buck?” You asked in a tired voice, eyes blurring and then slowly adjusting. Fear shooting through your body, that only turned to confusion as he rubbed his thumb slowly over your tender clit.

“I hope and and Steve had fun together, Doll,” he said before licking your hole.

Because it was only just the beginning.

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

I'm doing the entrance exam for an art school rn (finished the practicals and waiting for the interview part) and it couldn't be MORE obvious that I'm a gay child of tumblr omg

I know I've been on the hellsite since late December but... Everyone else is standing around neatly and aesthetically dressed and talking to their friends (HOW DO THEY HAVE FRIENDS ALREADY???!)

Then there's my ass sitting with SHIT posture in an ACD Holmes fandom tshirt and a denim jacket covered with fandom, puppy and pride pins. In a heatwave.

And a black beanie with shitty ginger hair (thanks good omens). Headphones held together with tape and listening to a song about cow philosophers with guns and large dicks (thanks so much @howmanyholesinswisscheese).

(And of course with my eyes glued to the phone updating y'all on the hellsite with unnecessary details)

I might as well be carrying a banner saying I AM WEIRD I AM QUEER AND I AM HERE FROM THE HELLSITE

I have a large pin that literally says SOUNDS GAY I'M IN in all caps I have given my last fuck the closet is a hallucination and so am I ✨️FUCK IT WE BALL THE HORRORS PERSIST BUT SO DO WE WE REMAIN WHIMSICAL ASSORTED TUMBLR SHITPOST WAR CRIES✨️

^^ my last braincell (autocorrect tried to make that plural LMAO as if i have more than one brain cell) (this is one rotting as it is)

[ghostofafruit]

you know your idea is stupidly funny when you feel the need to preface with you're not drunk. That being said, I am not drunk. I've just been watching a lot of mattshorehere and had the best crack fic idea. Let's call this a moonchaser week fic for Alt 1: Muggle AU, and it's a tumblr exclusive. It's also crack, it's pure crack, I'm not convinced I haven't somehow gotten drunk on water it's that ridiculous. If you haven't seen the video I'm referencing and that inspired this, here it is

mentions of nudes, again major crackfic, @ghostsfanficevents

Remus had a habit of making terrible jokes. Jokes so awful they circled back to funny and then back to bad. Subpar at best James would say. They still always pull a chuckle from him, and he refuses to leave Remus on seen when they're texting and he sends a dumb joke.

Autocorrect was a massive bitch.

James had only meant to send haha. That was it. It was a barely passable joke, a true Remus Lupin special. It wasn't really worthy of anything more than that. A HAHA would be too much, a hahaha even worse. He stared at his phone-screen in horror. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Eight, all caps, ha's.

He could picture Remus grinning at his screen, thinking his jokes had finally been good. It was a lameass joke, and now he was probably going to reuse it. He rushed to correct it. He could have sworn he'd typed out 'sorry didn't mean that' instead what sent was 'dude please hold me'. James continued looking at his phone in horror.

Remus had read it almost instantly, like he was staring at the messages waiting for James to say something. He hurried to correct it, some form of apology or excuse, but instead a row of roses sent. James decided to switch off his phone before things got worse.

Autocorrect was very much still a massive bitch. Several weeks had past since the incident as James had taken to calling it and they hadn't talked about it. It was for the best, James wasn't sure how he could explain his way out of that one.

A message from Remus popped up and James grinned to himself. The joke itself was utterly idiotic, it was more Remus himself that prompted the reaction in James. He rolled his eyes at the attempted joke and typed out a haha.

Except it did the thing again. Where James had written haha, and pressed send on haha, it send instead HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Once again eight all caps ha's. He rushed to fix the mistaked.

'I did not meant that' he sent. Instead 'Bro, please hug me' appeared in their chat. James tried to correct again, but a row of bouquet emojis replaced it.

"Fuck," James mumbled to himself. He opened his images, he had a lot of stupid things saved maybe something would work. He spotted the perfect one and selected it. He double checked that he'd only selected that and pressed send.

James watched the image load in their chat. Once it finished loading James cursed again. That was not the stupid meme befitting the situation. That was a hehhum, tastefully nude, photo of himself. A silk blanket draped across his lap, leaving very little to the imagination, but just enough to intrigue. He'd only taken it to boost his self confidence.

He went to delete it but Remus had already seen it. He'd seen it the second it had sent, he'd been lurking in their chat again.

"Fuck me," James said aloud. Instead of leaving autocorrect to it, he tried to call Remus. He did not answer. He switched to instagram instead and shot of a dm apologising for the weird situation. James didn't wait for a reply instead he tossed his phone to the side and got up to head to his art studio, he needed a distraction.

Autocorrect was a certified complete and utter bitchfuck. James wasn't even sure what that meant, but he liked it. It felt fitting. It had been another few weeks and Remus had accepted James' story and they'd laughed about it. Past that they hadn't talked about it, and James had never actually unsent the photo, Remus hadn't seemed too bothered anyway.

The familiar ping of a message rang out from his, and James grinned. He'd set a specific tone for Remus. He wiped his hand off on the rag next to him and grabbed his phone. It was yet another stupid joke. He snorted slightly and shook his head. Only Remus would find that funny, but it was it's own sort of charm James supposed.

'haha' he typed out. He noticed immediately that it had changed as soon as he'd hit send. Something was seriously up with his phone, his bet was Peter or Marlene both of them were creepily tech savey. If anyone could make him flirt with Remus through autocorrect it was them. In place of his two all lowercase ha's were once more eight all caps ha's. He sighed and typed out an excuse he knew wouldn't send.

'Mate please hold me' appeared in the chat. James sighed again. Maybe a meme would work this time. James scrolled past the photos he'd taken recently, careful not to click them, and found the same one he'd tried to send before. He clicked it, double checked it was the only thing selected, and then triple checked. For safe measure he took a screenshot of it selected and then sent it over.

James held his breath as it loaded. He waited for it to show the meme, but instead one of the new photos he'd taken appeared.

"FUCK!" James shouted. This one was even worse than the nude he'd sent before. The previous one had been artistic, taken on his camera, edited to look perfect. This one had been a similarly artistic photo, sure. He could just about claim that. The same silk blanket was draped in his, but instead on taken on the floor with a brilliant pose picked to show off his abs, it had been a mirror selfie. Even less was left to the imagination, the silk was more scrunched up and slightly higher too. It was damn good one of his hands was in his lap or he was something something would actually be exposed. The other hand had been held loosely around his phone, angling it perfectly so his slight smirk could be seen in the mirror.

James stared in horror as Remus saw it instantly. He watched as Remus went to type, then stopped, then started again.

"Shit," James said. He typed as much. He hit send without considering the current problem he was having with texting Remus.

'Mate I'm lonely' it read. James cursed again. He considered trying to fix it, but he wasn't sure how. Instead he threw his phone across the room and screamed into his desk.

Autocorrect was a brillaint wingman James reflected. He wrote as much in the vows he was drafting out. Without the weird situation his phone had started he wasn't sure he'd have ever gotten the courage to even face his feelings for Remus yet along act on them. Remus rather felt the same.

He wasn't sure exactly why his phone had started doing that and specifically with Remus, Marlene and Peter were pretty convinced it was entirely impossible until they'd both witnessed it actually happen in real time. Still, he thanked it for happening, even if it was embarrassing.

Who knew a bit of unfunctionally autocorrect would lead to James marrying his best mate?

[waynedunlaptheorgandonor]

anyway. as a birthday gift for @peletiersdixon i dipped back into the scrap metal universe for a hot second to bring you all a tumblr exclusive oneshot. it’s technically an au bc it’s if gas gauge never happened, but i don’t know how an au of an au works (technically it would make this a non-za au of my non-za twd au that ended up having a za in it, asljfdsl), so let’s just not think too hard about it. also i got to use emojis!

hope you enjoy it, friend. ilu desperately, and happy birthday!

September 6th

(11:53p) -happy (official) birthday bb girl!!🎂-

(11:54p) //Thank you.//

(11:55p) -how does it feel 2 b 18?-

(11:56p) //Considerably similar to being 17.//

(11:57p) -ya but now ur an adult!-

(11:58p) //Seems arbitrary given that essentially nothing has changed about me from whom I was six minutes ago, but at least now I can vote or whatever.//

(11:59p) -thts the spirit-

(11:59p) -ilu so much n i cant believe ur so old-

(11:59p) -v proud of u n the person uve become-

(12:00a) //Thank you. I love you, too. Now please go take your sappy emotions and harass Jesse with them instead. Consider it a birthday present.//

(12:01a) -ur rite-

(12:01a) -not much abt u has changed-

(12:02a) //¯\_(ツ)_/¯//

(12:02a) -lol u lil shit-

(12:02a) -luv u-

(12:02a) //You already said that.//

(12:05a) -watch ur tone or i'll say it again-

(12:06a) //Go to bed, dad.//

(12:06a) //Thanks for the kind sentiments etc.//

(12:07a) -always-

(12:07a) -c u in the morning bb girl-

*

(11:53p) *Happy happy birthday to my first born! 🥳🥳🥳*

(11:53p) *18 years ago today you caused me excruciating pain and immense joy all in the span of a few seconds!*

(11:54p) //Seems about on brand.//

(11:54p) //Apologies for any damage done to your reproductive system whilst entering the world. Although I didn't have much say in it, so that's more on you than me.//

(11:55p) *That's alright, it's your brother who tried to kill me.*

(11:55p) *I love you both anyway.*

(11:55p) *How's 18 feeling?*

(11:56p) //Great. I just picked up a pack of cigarettes and a bunch of lotto tickets.//

(11:57p) *As long as you pay for your own lung cancer treatment and share any winnings then I'm cool with it.*

(11:57p) *Double chocolate fudge cake tomorrow?*

(11:58p) //Triple chocolate if you can manage it.//

(11:59p) *Noted and logged. Love you, sweet potato.*

(12:00a) //Love you, too, acorn squash. I'm going to finish this essay now.//

(12:01a) *Fair enough. I'll go fuss over your brother and leave you be.*

(12:02a) //You're going to leave me be? How'd you know exactly what I wanted this year??//

(12:03a) *Mother's intuition.*

(12:03a) *Smartass. ❤️*

*

(11:53p) >Happy birthday, Einstein! 🤓<

(11:53p) ~happy bird date, almost birthday twin!~

(11:53p) ~bread dump.~

(11:53p) ~bishop dalliance.~

(11:53p) ~happy thing, josie.~

(11:54p) //You realize your autocorrect problems could be fixed in about 30 seconds by just going into your settings and turning it off, right?//

(11:55p) ~yeah but after all these years? i'm kind of attached to it. it's who i am.~

(11:56p) //Unfortunate.//

(11:56p) >Don't take the joy of Glenn's autocorrect away from us, party pooper.<

(11:57p) //"Joy" seems subjective in this case, but alright.//

(11:57p) //Anyway, thank you for the birthday wishes, Uncle Rick. And thank you for whatever the fuck that was meant to be, Uncle Glenn.//

(11:58p) ~you're old now. are you feeling the weight of time pressing down upon you? how are your knees? your lower back?~

(11:59p) //So far so good.//

(12:00a) >Are your parents having a mental breakdown about you and your brother being legal adults?<

(12:00a) ~and by parents we mostly mean your father.~

(12:01a) //Very likely, but thankfully they're keeping it to themselves.//

(12:02a) ~for what it's worth, /i'm/ having a bit of a crisis over it.~

(12:02a) >Same.<

(12:03a) //Thank you in advance for also keeping it to yourself.//

(12:03a) //Go shower Jesse with attention now. He'll appreciate it more, and I have a paper to finish.//

(12:05a) >Love you, kid.<

(12:05a) ~seconded.~

(12:06a) //Love you, too. Goodbye.//

(12:07a) >I could cry from all the emotion in this group chat. 😢<

(12:07a) ~tell me about it. i'm practically bawling.~

(12:08a) //You silenced the chat//

*

(11:54p) //My first act as an adult is filing a petition with the courts to let me legally secede from this family. From you specifically.//

(11:53p) \\BIRTHDAY!! IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY!! LOOK HOW OLD MY BIG SISTER IS SHE'S FUCKING ANCIENT!! WOOO!! PARTY PARTY PARTY!!!!!!🥳🎂❤️🎊🎉💓💝🥰\\

(11:55p) \\Liar. You'd never. You lurvv me. We were wombmates, that bonds unbreakable, so sucks to suck!\\

(11:56p) \\Btw have you opened your desk drawer yet?\\

(11:57p) //...No. Why?//

(11:58p) \\Birthday present. Do it do it do it!!!\\

(11:59p) //...//

(12:00a) //GODDAMNIT, JESSE.//

(12:00a) //I knew I shouldn't have trusted you.

(12:00a) //That scared the shit out of me.//

(12:00a) //Literal sparks flew.//

(12:00a) //How'd you even get a party popper to go off like that?//

(12:01a) \\I will never tell you my secrets.\\

(12:02a) //Just for that I'm not going to tell you happy birthday.//

(12:02a) \\Nooo! You have to!\\

*

September 7th

(12:03a) -happy birthday bb boy!! 🎂-

(12:04a) \\Ayyyyyy!!! Thank you! I'm so old now, you know what that means?\\

(12:04a) \\It means you're even older.\\

(12:04a) \\What's up, old man? 👴 Your kids are adults. Should I buy you a cane?\\

(12:05a) -mite not b able 2 give u 2 an orphanage anymore but i can kick u out of my house w/out getting arrested 4 child abuse so watch urself-

(12:06a) \\Old man statement retracted. You are a beacon of youth and beauty.\\

(12:07a) -damn strait-

(12:07a) -luv u kid-

(12:08a) \\Love you too daddy-o.\\

(12:08a) \\You're welcome for being blessed with such a fantastic and glorious son.\\

(12:09a) -tht credit goes 2 ur momma i think-

(12:10a) \\So you admit I am fantastic and glorious?\\

(12:11a) -there nvr was any doubt kiddo-

(12:12a) \\ 🥺🥺🥺\\

(12:12a) \\Luhh u.\\

(12:13a) -luhh u2-

(12:13a) -more than u kno ❤️-

*

(12:03a) *Happy birthday to my second born! 🥳🥳🥳*

(12:03a) *18 years ago today you almost murdered me! I forgave you pretty quick tho, cuz you had a pretty cute face.*

(12:04a) \\Ummm excuse me? What do you mean by HAD a pretty cute face??\\

(12:05a) *Sorry kid, looks are the first thing to go with age *

(12:06a) \\Ah well. At least I have my stunning personality. 💅\\

(12:07a) *That's certainly one word for it.*

(12:08a) \\Not loving this birthday wish so far mother. Cmon now, spice it up, you can do better.\\

(12:09a) *Yes yes, my apologies.*

(12:09a) *Ahem.*

(12:09a) *HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY GREATLY ADORED SON WHOM I LOVE WITH MY EVERYTHING AND AM SO PROUD OF!!!*

(12:10a) \\Almost perfect, but retract that cute face comment, I've decided that I need my looks AND my stunning personality.\\

(12:10a) \\Besides, don't I look like you?\\

(12:11a) *Oh shit, you're right.*

(12:11a) *HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY GREATLY ADORED SON, THE CUTEST FACED PERSON YOU'VE EVER SEEN!!!*

(12:12a) \\There you go.\\

(12:12a) \\Thank you momma. Love you.\\

(12:13a) *I love you too, Jesse. Happy birthday.*

*

(12:00a) \\HAPPY BIRTHDAY, UNCLE BIRTHDAY TWIN! 🥳🎈🥰🎂🎊🎉💓💝❤️\\

(12:00a) \\I NEVER CAN REMEMBER WHAT TIME YOU SAID YOU WERE BORN AT SO MIDNIGHT WILL HAVE TO DO!\\

(12:01a) \\ALSO HI OFFICER UNCLE! 👮‍♂️\\

(12:03a) ~not fair, you knew i was waiting until your actual birth time.~

(12:03a) ~which is right now.~

(12:03a) ~happy birthday, barf day twin!~

(12:03a) >So close and yet so far.<

(12:03a) >Anyway. Happy birthday, Picasso! 🎨<

(12:04a) \\Lololol remember that year when we bet each other we could finish an entire birthday cake just the two of us Uncle Birthday Twin??\\

(12:05a) ~ugh.~

(12:05a) ~talk about barf day. 🤮~

(12:06a) >Here's hoping your autocorrect isn't prophetic.<

(12:07a) ~fingers crossed. 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻~

(12:07a) >How's it feel to be an adult, kid?<

(12:08a) \\You can't ask me what it's like to be an adult and then call me kid. I am a MAN. A Strong and Powerful MAN. 💪\\

(12:09a) ~i say this with nothing but love and affection, but when i came over the other day you went on a twenty minute ramble about how "color theory is dope as hell" and then teared up because you started thinking about how dogs are colorblind.~

(12:10a) \\Woooowww ok, I didn't realize it wasn't Strong and Powerful for a MAN to express his emotions.\\

(12:10a) >Smdh. You've grown so conservative in your old age, Glenn. Letting toxic masculinity take over.<

(12:11a) ~aaaah! you're right you're right you're right! you're very strong and powerful man, jesse! embrace your emotions! don't be afraid to show vulnerability!~

(12:12a) >Although you could maybe share some of those emotions with your sister.<

(12:22a) \\Sorry got distracted.\\

(12:22a) \\But nah I think I ate all Joey's emotions in the womb. That's ok, she's a Strong and Powerful WOMAN 💪 who like, will either be a world famous astronomer or will end up serving life prison for the world's first homicide-by-death-glare.\\

(12:22a) \\It's a toss up.\\

(12:23a) \\I wonder how you'd prosecute a case like that. You couldn't get her to replicate it because what if it killed someone else?\\

(12:23a) \\Wait, what were we talking about?\\

(12:24a) >Rofl, how does it feel to be an adult?<

(12:25a) \\Oh yeah!\\

(12:25a) \\Idk, about the same. Cake tho. And party time. Y'all in?\\

(12:26a) ~wouldn't miss it.~

(12:27a) >See you and your sister after work tomorrow.<

(12:27a) ~assuming she hasn't killed anyone.~

(12:28a) \\I'm sure Officer Uncle could pull some strings. Keep her from getting arrested at least until after we've blown out candles.\\

(12:29a) >I'll see what I can do.<

(12:29a) >Happy birthday, bud.<

(12:9a) ~we love you, weirdo.~

(12:30a) \\Love you too!!! 🥰\\

*

(12:02a) \\Joey!!!\\

(12:03a) \\Joey it's my birthday now, tell me happy birthday!! I'm sorry I made your desk drawer explode!! 😞😞😞\\

(12:03a) \\I told YOU happy birthday!\\

(12:04a) \\IT'S BEEN MY BIRTHDAY FOR A WHOLE MINUTE AND YOU HAVEN'T SAID ANYTHING!!\\

(12:05a) \\ 😭😭😭😭 \\

(12:06a) \\I'm never going to forgive you.\\

(12:08a) \\I'm gonna put jelly on the door handles of your car.\\

(12:10a) \\Ok now this is just mean.\\ 

(12:13a) \\I'm going go get into bed and cry myself to sleep because my sister doesn't love mahdjsieka\\

(12:13a) \\BRO WHAT THE FUCK.\\

(12:13a) \\WHAT IS HAPPENING.\\

(12:13a) \\HOW MANY DIFFERENT ALARMS DID YOU HIDE IN HERE???\\

(12:21a) \\Ok I think I got them all.\\

(12:21a) \\Well played.\\

(12:21a) \\Tho even if you did it to lull me into a false sense of security you still technically didn't wish me a happy birthday on time so you're still the worst and you owe me.\\

(12:22a) //Time is relative, bitch. Go to sleep.✌️//

(12:23a) \\Happy birthday Joey.\\

(12:23a) //Happy birthday, Jesse.//

(12:23a) //Have fun finding the rest of the alarms.//

(12:24a) \\What?\\

(12:24a) \\Joey what? That's so ominous, where are they when are they going to go off??\\

(12:24a) \\Josie G Dixon what alarms are you talking about???\\

(12:25a) //joey💖 silenced the chat//

[cozy-the-overlord]

For the Lobster of Loki

Summary: Exposure to terrigen mist during a mission-gone-wrong results in you developing some newfound aquatic abilities. Unfortunately, this opens the door for your Avengers teammates to make use of the bane of your existence: fish puns. 

Word Count: 2,850

Pairing: Loki x Fem!Reader (first person)

A/N: I can’t believe I actually wrote this.

For those of you wondering what the hell this is: a few weeks ago, I had autocorrect change the word "love" to "lobster" while writing a fic. I found this hilarious and made a joke about it on Tumblr and it kind of turned into a meme on my blog. A couple of my friends told me I needed to turn this into a story and so now I present to you the stupidest thing I have ever spent precious time creating. Also, I usually don't like writing in first person at all, but my go-to third person limited just did not feel right with this nonsense, so I decided to experiment with a different style

Thanks for reading! :)

Tags: @lucywrites02 @gaitwae

If you want to be tagged, feel free to send an ask/message :)

Read it on Ao3!

I was going to murder Tony Stark. I was going to murder all of them, but I was going to murder him first because he was the one who started this nonsense and now it had been going on for two weeks and I was one fucking smirk away from scalping myself.

It all started when I woke up with gills. Waking up with gills is a strange experience. Don’t get me wrong—I realize all things considered, I had it pretty good. I’ve heard about some really horrific transformations since I experienced my own— people who came out of the midst having lost their eyes or their limbs or their minds. There have been people who came out of the mist looking, sounding, and feeling like completely different creatures than when they went in. And there have been people who don’t come out at all.

No, I know damn well I was lucky to come out of the experience with nothing more than a pair of gills stuck in my neck. Still, it was an odd feeling—there was a heightened awareness every time I breathed in, pinprick chills trickling across the newfound ridges as I exhaled. It didn’t feel right, but it didn’t feel wrong either—it was a stiff feeling, a bit like putting on a new pair of shoes for the first time, if that makes sense. I didn’t know what to make of it.

When I woke up, there was about a hundred doctors hovering around me, each with some new sterile terminology to throw my way about my condition, none of which made anything close to sense. I was losing my mind until Bruce showed up. He was able to put it simply: during the mission, I had been exposed to terrigen mist. Instead of killing me, it triggered a transformation in my DNA. I was inhuman.

My inhuman gift, it seemed was the magical blessing from the Black Lagoon. I had gills now—that was the most immediate realization—but there was also the fleshy webbing between my fingers and a weird film over my eyes that I didn’t notice until I tried to rub them with the heel of my palm. All of these wondrously fishy attributes added up to one glorious result: I could swim like a fish.

That was the first thing they tested. As soon as the doctors said I was good to go, SHIELD dumped me in a pool and told me to have fun. And I did. I had never been a fantastic swimmer or anything—the extent of my swimming knowledge came from the lessons my mother had forced me to take as a kindergartener because she was afraid I’d fall into the pond at the park down the street from our house and just die, which … fair. I still hated those classes. But now, now—oh, it was a completely different experience! I cut through that water like a knife, like Michael Phelps who? I was a bullet, shooting back and forth across the pool and just hanging water for as long as I liked.

Because I could breathe underwater now. That’s what gills are for, I guess, although it doesn’t really feel like breathing. Like, I’m not inhaling water while I swim. I’m just … I don’t know, my lungs are still filling with air, my chest is still going up and down, but it’s not through my nose. I don’t know how to explain it, it’s weird. But it’s really fucking awesome.

The team was very supportive of everything. I had only been living at the Tower for a little while, so I had still felt like something of an outsider—I didn’t have powers, and I certainly didn’t have the years long rapport that they had with each other. But they were really cool! Tony designed me a sleek new suit that was able to move well in water while still offering protection, and everyone had the time of their life trying to think up a pithy new code name for my newfound superhero status (we still haven’t quite decided, but I’m leaning towards Torpedo, because isn’t that the coolest thing you’ve ever heard?). Everything was great.

Well, almost everything. There was one thing that was kind of bothering me. Loki hadn’t talked to me since I got hit with the mist. That might sound like a weird thing to get hung up on—oh no, the psychotic extraterrestrial terrorist is ignoring me!— but Loki’s not really like that. He doesn’t really talk about the whole New York thing much, but he’s said enough to make it clear that it’s not something he did of his own volition. If you saw it you’d understand what I meant, the way he tenses up whenever someone brings up the Chitauri and his eyes go all glassy like he’s not really there behind them. You can just tell that whatever had been waiting for him on the other side of that portal, it wasn’t good.

We never talked about New York, but we talked about other things. I’m not really sure how that happened. He does this thing where he acts all annoyed with everyone, like he’s just so over everything, and it irritates everyone so much that they all avoid him like the plague, which of course is what he wants. I guess I just didn’t avoid him when I arrived—I was too busy avoiding all the other superheroes who made me nervous to bother trying with him—and he grew to tolerate my presence.

We started talking about stuff one day, random shit like the purpose of nutritional facts on the side of poptart boxes and the boiling point of water on Earth vs on Asgard because apparently that’s different. And then we’d do things like make fun of the way Steve talks because he’s just so easy to make fun of, and Steve would overhear and tell us to knock it off and that would just make the whole thing funnier and Loki would mimic his voice and say something stupid like “I can feel the righteousness surging!” and Steve would just shake his head and walk away while we laughed like idiots. So yeah. We were friends. Or at least, I thought of him as a friend.

But I was starting to think that maybe he didn’t see me in the same way. We had been partners on the mission where I got hit with the terrigen mist, but he didn’t even come to visit me while I was still in the hospital. And literally everyone came to visit me. Friggin’ Director Fury came to visit me, although I’m pretty sure that was more because he wanted to see what my transformation had entailed and not because he had any particular interest in my wellbeing, but still. And then when I got out, he never said a word to me and everyone else wanted to talk to me so I didn’t say anything to him, but I was worried about him just the same. He was avoiding me too—he wouldn’t ever look at me when I was looking at him, and a lot of times he’d get up and leave the room if I came in. And I didn’t know what was going on.

I probably should’ve asked, but I don’t know … I was afraid, I guess. Like, what if he was really mad at me for something, and just me trying to talk with him would make him upset? So I just didn’t say anything—went through my day pretending everything was normal and ignoring the ache in my chest constantly reminding me that it had been weeks since I got my powers and Loki still hadn’t asked me if I was okay.

But I kind of forgot about all that when Tony started this bullshit. Honestly, I’m surprised he didn’t start it sooner, because it was the type of low hanging fruit that had his name written all over it, but once he started it there was no going back.

He started it one day when we were in the kitchen. I had been making a sandwich (tuna fish, because I’m a cannibal) and Tony was leaning over the counter watching me, and we were just talking about my general fishiness.

“I’m jealous, really,” he was saying. “It’s definitely something that would come in handy. You need to get something underwater, you just dive down—no tanks, no masks, no suits. Very sophisticated.” His eyes lit up, which is never a good thing. “Sofishticated!”

I groaned. “Stop it.”

But Tony was cackling. “Sofishticated! That’s rather gilliant, if I do say so myself.”

“Tony …”

“It doesn’t get any betta than this!”

I waved the bread knife in his face. “I will throw this at you.”

“Alright, alright.” Even as he held his hands up in surrender, he was giggling like a child. “I’ll stop.”

He did not stop.

The next morning, it was fish puns. Everywhere you turned, it was fish puns.

“Can you get that report back to me soon, or do you need more time to mullet over?”

“Just let minnow when you’re ready to try on the new suit.”

“Don’t trout your abilities, we all know you’re fintastic.”

It was only breakfast and I was inches away from crushing my face against the china cabinet.

Natasha raised her eyebrows. “What the hell have I walked into?”

Tony grinned. “It’s fish puns!” he said. “Because, you know—” he gestured vaguely in my general direction. “It’s her brand.”

I moaned, face in my hands. “Just kill me now.”

Clint perked up. “Don’t you mean krill me now?”

Laughing, Tony gave him a high five over my head as I writhed in pain. “That’s the spirit.”

I don’t know how he did it, but in the matter of hours Tony had the whole damn tower on the pun train. Natasha was joking about how she was having a whale of a time with this new game. Clint was telling me to clam down and enjoy the fun. Steve asked me if I could get kraken on my o-fish-al business. Even Bruce—Bruce, who always made a point of staying out of Tony’s nonsense—even he was coming up to me with shit like “Cod you come help me with somefin in the lab?”

I glared at him. “Why would you ask me that?”

He hesitated for a moment. “Well …” Bruce inhaled. “Salmon had to.”

I stormed off as Tony roared with laughter from behind the corner.

It was inescapable. Wherever I went there was someone armed with some new fishy atrocity. You’d be surprised at how many fucking fish-related words exist in the English language. JARVIS was so overloaded with the amount of Internet searches for “fish puns” that he started bookmarking lists for easy access. It was an absolute nightmare.

“Don’t play koi, sweetheart,” Tony teased one night while we were waiting for Clint to choose a movie. “We know you lobster it.”

“Lobster?” I scoffed. “That doesn’t even make sense!”

“You just don’t appreciate my ingenui-sea.”

“OH MY—”

“Ignore them, my lady.” Thor smiled gallantly “They are only jesting. You should just relaks.” He grinned, stepping back as he waited for a reaction. We all just blinked at him. He frowned. “You understand, yes? Re-laks? Laks? That’s a fish!”

“Lak is not native to Midgard,” Loki interjected without looking up from the book he was reading. I jumped. He had been so quiet I had forgotten he was in here too. “Their oceans are too warm.”

Thor was surprised. “Truly? But I thought we’ve tasted lak since we’ve been here!”

Loki rolled his eyes, still without looking up. “That’s salmon. It tastes similar, but it’s much smaller.” He turned the page, muttering something that I didn’t quite catch. I was suddenly struck by the fact that it was the closest we had come to talking since before the mist, and that ache came back, gnawing at the edges of my heart. He didn’t look at me. I didn’t say anything.

About a week later, it was my birthday. I don’t really like birthdays in general, but I had really been bracing myself for this one all week because there was no way in hell these morons weren’t going to something infuriatingly stupid to mark the occasion. I guess I didn’t do enough bracing, because when I walked into my bathroom that morning to find a big fat lobster scuttling around in my sink I nearly had a fucking heart attack.

Across the mirror, someone had scrawled a message in red lipstick.

Sending you birthday fishes and lots of lobster!

And that was the moment I decided I was going to murder Tony Stark.

I stormed out into the hallway with no weapon, no plan of action, nothing except the pajamas on my back and the lobster in my hand. Additionally, this was the moment I decided that I hated lobsters more than any other creature on this earth. This thing looked like something from outer space, with its antenna and its bulging eyes and its spindly spider legs—that what it was, an overgrown spider in a slimy red shell. It was disgusting.

I was on my way to Tony’s floor, so engrossed with this half-baked notion of busting down his door and throwing this extraterrestrial arachnid on his face while he snored in bed, that I didn’t even see the Asgardian prince until I walked right into him.

Luckily, Loki grabbed me before I stumbled backwards, because I recoiled so quickly I probably would’ve gone flying. He raised his eyebrows as he took in the sight.

“I assume there’s a reason for the crustacean?” he asked.

There was something ever so slightly condescending about his tone, and I bristled. “They left this thing in my room! I swear, I’ve had it up to here with this fish bullshit—”

He hushed me, pulling the lobster from my grasp. With a wave of his hand, it was gone.

I inhaled. “You didn’t kill it, did you?”

“Oh no. I merely moved it to a more preferable location.” He frowned at the moisture left on his palm, conjuring a handkerchief to wipe it off with. “You know,” he said slowly. “The more visibly upset you allow yourself to become over this, the more encouraged they’ll feel to continue.”

“I know, I know. I just—” I sighed. “It’s so annoying. It’s been going nonstop, for two damn weeks! Puns are the absolute lowest form of humor, it’s just obnoxious.”

Loki only nodded as he turned to make his way down the hall. “I’ll take your word for it.”

And just like that, it was back to ignoring me. I watched his retreating form, the ache in my chest quickly bursting in to flames.

“Why are you avoiding me?” I snapped.

He froze, slowly turning around. “Pardon?”

“Why are you avoiding me?” I repeated. “You won’t talk to me anymore, you barely even look at me— did I do something wrong?” Maybe the fish jokes really had fried my brain, because I was dangerously close to tears. “I don’t get it Loki, I thought we were cool and now you just hate me!”

“I don’t hate you!” he said. “I just—”

“Just what? What is going on with you?”

“You could’ve died!” Loki yelled. I had never heard him speak that loudly before, and guess I was shocked into silence. “With the mist, on the mission. It was only pure chance that you didn’t.”

“I—I don’t understand.”

“I was supposed to cover you. I should’ve realized sooner that they were using terrigen crystals. Instead I miscalculated and you nearly died.” He let out a shaky breath. “I thought you were dead. When I found you, enveloped in that shell …” His voice trailed off and I realized with a start that his eyes were glistening with tears.

“Loki …” My gills tingled on my neck as I reached out for him. Is that what this was all about? Guilt? “Loki, you can’t blame yourself for that. It wasn’t anybody’s fault. And besides, I’m fine now. It all worked out in the end.”

He shook his head. “You don’t understand. You didn’t see yourself. You were gone, I was certain you were gone—”

I griped his hand. “I’m here now though. I’m here and I’m fine. Stop beating yourself up about it. I want to be friends again. I—” For a moment, the words caught in my throat. “I missed you.”

He gulped. “Truly?”

“Of course! Besides, I need your help getting back at these idiots.”

He smirked. “Oh, I’ve already started on that.”

A high-pitched scream broke out across the floor. “How did the fucking lobster get in my shower?” Tony bellowed from his bedroom.

We exploded into laughter.

“Oh,” I wheezed. “That was fucking perfect!”

Loki grinned, squeezing my hand. “Only the best for you, my lobster.”

[pokenimagines]

The boys go drinkin and I’m drunk love you

AIGHT so I’m just a liiiiil drink and scrivener won’t autocorrect very well so I tried. I did I swear. I mean kinda. Like tumblr auto correct way better. So uh I will regret Tis tomorrow when I’m sober but for now here’s our BOOOOOIS when they go the drink!

Warning: Drinking, Drunk antics, be 18+ guys like dis ain’t for kiddies like don’t even mhm no don’t you dare turn back if you ain’t old enough yo

Raihan:

DIS BITCH KNKWS HKW TO THRN UP

Like ask him to party and he can outdrink everybody

Like erry budy in da clubs gettin tipsy

He’s g8

Typically the one who nobody trusts to DD because he will be black out in ten minutes

Like his liver is dying

Wait is the liver affected like I dunno maybe I ain’t no scientist shit

But yeeeeee Raihan is like party animal

Does shots mainly like he will knock em bsck like no tomorrow

Jell-O shots are his shit like he LIVE FOR IT

Except lime ones they suck

He also gets horny af when drunk like if he can still functuon he’s wanna fuck

Leon:

He’s not anheavy drinky

Like he can’t he’s got an image to uphold

He had to be “responsible” and a “good role model” or some shit

But when he does he zdrinks beer

This bitch has horrible taste in beer as well like I won’t name any particular brands but he gets the ones that taste like piss

Like he could afford any other brand and he go for piss water

Like ???

Bitch?

He doesn’t turn up anyway but sometimes rai can convince him

When he donits not crazy though

He gets slightly flirty though

Like he will flirt with anyone even his friends

Rai finds it pretty funny

Piers:

BBY BOOOOOI

Okay okay okay so he donthe drink sometimes

Like he tried not to go crazy since he’s the one doin the singinge but he can drink

Like he’s not a light weight at all

He normall goes for like whiskey or burbon

Loves him some mixed drinks

Like hell down some vodka, sure, but consider cocktails

Hell also drink the fruity shit, gender be damned

Seriously who tf decided guys can’t like fruity drinks like wtf makes no sense

Like sorry some people enjoy tasty stuff

Side tracks srry

But like he is also the person who becomes more social

Like he’s gonna talk moar

He’s also the person who if he drinks too much he wakes up with a stranger in his bed

Or multiple

Like he’ll be wondering wtf happened

It was real awkward when he woke up and saw a naked Raihan next to him

Only to turn and see a naked Leon

Let these boys fuck one another I’m just sayin the sexual tension that us fans Make is real damn it

[sorryimessedupagain]

Okay ladies and gents. Time to clear the air. Since Reddit decided they wanted to come after me last year (I just now saw it give me a break) about a post I made FOUR YEARS AGO here we are. If you have not read my “I spent three weeks in a mental hospital” post, do so before you read this so it will make the most sense.

1.    Yes, I am painfully aware that I spelled Tourette’s wrong. Autocorrect got the best of 16-year-old me. And yes, I know Tourette’s is a neurological condition and that it’s not a reason to be hospitalized. The boy with Tourette’s tried to commit suicide but when I was making this post, I already had another person in mind to “identify” (isn’t the best word I’m sorry) as the person there for a suicide attempt.

2.    The touching part. This line about the boy with anger issues giving the warmest hug is very true! It was the day I was getting discharged from being in the out-patient program and he snuck me a hug while we were filing out to be picked up. He got yelled at and so did I. So yes, you are alllllll right! Touching wasn’t allowed but he went for it anyways. And just to clear the air for the nasty people in the thread saying he wanted to strangle me: I knew him personally from outside of being hospitalized. We had mutual friends and knew of each other pre-hospitalization.  Being in the out-patient program together helped us get closer.

3.    Another ~hot topic~ the girl who tried to kill herself luring the boy with insomnia to sleep. Opposite sexes were not allowed in bedrooms together. She sat outside his room, WITH A NURSE, reading him books. This kid was I believe 11 or 12, not really sure I never got to know him well. But he was hospitalized for schizophrenia, and also suffered from insomnia. The staff sedated him with what we all called “booty-juice” (this isn’t a joke it’s really what we called it) and he would scream the WHOLE TIME. The only way he would stop would be if this girl read to him because she was his only friend there. It sounds bad when it’s phrased like that but it’s more of a he liked talking to her the most.

4.    My blog does not romanticize depression! I’m sorry if that is what it seems like, but my point of making my blog was for me to journal and post my thoughts somewhere my mom wouldn’t be able to read them. I fucking HATE being depressed! There’s no romanticizing here because I fucking wish I wasn’t like this. It was a coping mechanism; and I get it might not seem like that but none of you know me personally to be able to decide whether or not it works. This leads into point number 5.

5.    NONE OF YOU KNOW ME PERSONALLY SO STOP ACTING LIKE IT. I DO NOT WALLOW IN MY OWN DEPRESSION BECAUSE I FUCKING HATE IT.

6.    I was not self-diagnosed! I went to multiple psychiatrists and therapists since I was 13 and I was diagnosed and put on medication for severe depression and anxiety. I wish I didn’t go to therapy and that I didn’t have anything wrong with me because it would’ve saved my family a lot of time and money and I feel guilty for burdening them with that! I am however, getting better and am off my meds and have not relapsed in over a year!

7.    None of you, and I mean NONE of you, should be shitting on and belittling my experience. My hospitalization was not as light as my post was. My point with posting this was to make people realize that people are more than their diagnosis. But all of you saying that these people never told me I was beautiful and that “mental illness isn’t like that” maybe can’t imagine someone who hates themselves being nice?? I’m sorry if you felt personally triggered by the fact that the girl I roomed with that had bulimia told everyone at the group session that day we were beautiful in our bodies because we were talking about how we didn’t like who we are or how we looked. And yeah, I was admitted into a nicer mental hospital, I know that. My insurance told my parents where they would cover and that’s it, that’s where I went. We didn’t have wings, it was girls on one side of the hall, boys on the other.

8.    Nobody’s experiences being hospitalized are going to be the same. Things in my state have a high chance of being different than yours. I’m sorry that I had a good experience being hospitalized; I got lucky that the kids admitted were so nice to me and that the staff actually wanted me to get better. I was never “doped up” like some of the replies were. In fact, the staff didn’t give me meds until the third night because they wanted to get an all clear from my doctor that I could take them. But just because you or someone else you know had a bad experience doesn’t mean mine didn’t happen?

9.    I never said these people’s mental illnesses were beautiful. I thought that if anything, the fact I got to learn more about them as people besides what they were admitted for was beautiful. That there is more depth to people than their mental illnesses which people forget sometimes. THAT’S THE POINT OF THE POST.

10.  “I love the way that everyone is completely different. There's only one person with anger issues, only one drug taker...” First, yeah I know. That’s how I wanted my post to be formatted: people would lose interest if I repeated the same types of people in there multiple times. Second, there were a lot of people there and I just picked out the people that stuck out most in my head that I felt deserved written justice for how they told me they were treated. There were multiples of many conditions and my intentions were not to make it seem like I was degrading some of these people by grouping them together.

There’s more I could bring up but I’m going to stop with 10 points. I realize that I might seem angry through how I responded, but if you had 200 comments telling you your experiences were fake you might understand the hurt and frustration. I just never thought I’d had to defend my hospitalization to anyone. Tumblr community, thank you for being much more receptive to my post and seeing the message I was trying to convey. I hope you all are safe, take care of yourselves.

Rylee

[xtrashmammalstefx]

My Joy Was Complete (Joe Mazzello x Reader x Gwilym Lee)

WARNINGS: Smut, mild cursing, and a dash of feels

You know when you meet someone so far beyond your expectations that you don’t even stop and think that they would ever look your way? That’s sort of what it felt like when I met Gwilym. I swear if ever there was a man too good to be human it was him. Not only because he was impossibly beautiful but because on the inside where it counts he was absolutely stunning. Sweet, kind, and just everything I’ve always been told to look for in a man.

Problem was that while he was extraordinary in every sense of the word I was not. I was plain from head to toe with [Y/ H/ C] and [Y/E/C]. My skin was [Y/S/C] and held a lot of excesses (or so I believed) in the hip, butt, and breasticles area. I hardly ever wore revealing clothes thanks to mother nature marking up my skin with cellulite and whatnot. When not working as a production assistant, I am at home either reading, eating, scrolling through Tumblr, or watching an endless amount of TV and movies. In other words, I’m what most people would describe as boring.

So I didn’t think Gwil would ever waste his time on someone like me. And yet he did… 

I met him on the set of Bohemian Rhapsody where I helped with whatever needed my assistance. I tried to stay out of the actors’ way since they were busy and their roles were anything but small. I was already a fan of Rami, Joe, and Ben (having watched Night at the Museum, Jurassic Park, and X-Men Apocalypse over a million times as well as The Social Network and Mr. Robot). I hadn’t really heard of Gwil though and had planned on googling him later on (purely out of curiosity and not fangirl related reasons). I was helping set up the amps for the Live Aid scene when I heard the most gentle voice.

“Hello there,” I looked over and found Gwilym in full costume smiling at me. 

“Oh, uh, don’t mind me. I’m just helping set things up here for you and the, um, others,” I said nervously.

“Relax love none of us bite,” he said.

“Hard,” Ben said walking by on his way to the drums.

“He’s really taking his role to heart isn’t he?” I laughed. 

“I’d say so yeah but then again we all are,” Gwil said chuckling with me and my god was his laugh so sweet it wasn’t fair. I actually mentally shouted: I GIVE UP! THIS MAN IS PERFECT! “I’m Gwilym Lee by the way.”

“Y/N,” I said. 

“So is this your first movie Y/N?” he asked.

“Mmm no,” I said. “I worked on The Social Network, and uh…”

“Thought I knew you from somewhere,” Joe said passing by to collect his bass. “Nice to see you again Jelly Bean!”

“You too Beer Belly,” I said quickly patting his belly which was actually a little flatter since we last met. He let out an almost Pillsbury DoughBoy type of giggle. “Still ticklish I see.”

“Shuddup,” he muttered. 

“Jelly Bean?” Gwil questioned.

“We worked long hours even on that set. Sometimes I would get severe hunger pains so I always kept a bag of jelly beans on hand to replenish myself. Joe kept stealing them of course which is why he gave me the nickname Jelly Bean,” I explained. “And I really need to learn to shut up. Um, I’ll just…”

“No no, it’s fine. I like hearing you talk,” he said. “You have such a lovely voice… and that sounded far more creepy than I thought it would. I am so sorry.”

“No harm no foul,” I said. 

He continued to talk to me while I worked and then when filming commenced I watched in awe from the side stage as he and the others gave the most iconic concert a new life. Of course, now that Joe remembered who I was he insisted on having me around at all times which was fine by everyone else, especially Gwil.

After filming wrapped up and we all went our separate ways we swore we’d always be in each other's lives and promised to always keep in contact. Which we did. About a month or so after filming wrapped my apartment was flooded and I wound up moving in with Joe who was in dire need of a friend himself (his father had just passed after a long battle with cancer). That first night I unpacked my stuff in the guestroom and spent the rest of the day and the night holding Joe as he wept. 

“It’s okay Joey,” I cooed him. “Just let it out, honey.” 

Joe didn’t really talk to anyone for a while and because I was concerned for him neither did I. One night as I passed his room to get a drink of water from the kitchen, I heard him moan and whimper. I peeked my head in and saw him writhing as a nightmare held him captive in his own head. I sighed and walked over to his bed. “Joe,” I shook him. “Joe, wake up it’s only a dream. JOE!”

His eyes flew open and he gasped. He sat up trying to catch his breath. Suddenly his whole body began to shake. “Joey,” I muttered enveloping him in my arms. 

He cried into my shoulder. Sobbing until there was nothing left. I held him there for a while until I felt his head start to shift and his lips touch the skin of my neck. “What are you..?”

He didn’t answer just peppered me in kisses in a trail leading up to my lips. I would’ve stopped him… I should have stopped him but… the moment his lips touched mine everything seemed to go away. And I melted into him. 

After a while, we were lying on his bed, our clothes everywhere but on our bodies. He kissed my breasts flicking my nipple with his tongue. I moaned feeling as though I could live in that moment forever. A few more intimate kisses later his tip ghosted my entrance. 

“I’ve been waiting for you my whole life,” Joe muttered. I didn’t know what to say that. All I knew was that my body ached for him at that moment.

“Me too,” I said brushing his cheek with my hand. 

He sighed. “I love you.”

“I-” I started feeling him push his tip in. “I love you too.”

He pushed the rest of his length in stretching me and making me gasp. He cursed under his breath and started to thrust. The feeling of him moving inside me was indescribable. My nails practically dug themselves into his back as he moved and after a while, they began to explore him. My left hand found its way to his ass and gave it a nice firm squeeze making him groan.

I don’t know how long we lasted only that it felt like a lifetime. Eventually, the tension building up in my lower belly became too much. My back arched, my toes curled, and I felt myself tighten around his length. A loud moan escaped my mouth as I came all over his length. I held onto him still, body trembling, as he continued to thrust into me. His movements were now sloppy and suddenly he was twitching inside me. He moaned and cursed as he filled me with his seed. He then collapsed on me, body quivering. He kissed my swollen lips once more before pulling himself out and taking the empty space beside me.

I woke up the next morning sore but in bliss. A part of me wanted to stay in that bed forever but then…

Zzz zzz… 

My phone buzzed from where I’d left it on the nightstand (I was going to do some late night creeping on Tumblr while I drank my water last night) and the screen flashed revealing a text… from Gwil.

“How are things, love?”

Shit. 

I groaned and quickly texted back. “Just woke up. Give me a few to get my brian working.”

“Your brian?”

“FUCK I MEANT BRAIN! STUPID AUTOCORRECT!”

“Lol.”

I sighed and put my phone back on the nightstand. Just then I felt the bed shift and an arm draped itself over me. 

“Morning baby,” Joe muttered.

“Morning,” I muttered. He pecked me on the lips. 

“I’d say we have a little morning sex but I am completely raw down there so…”

“And I’m completely sore down there so…” We laughed at our misery. 

Joe sighed. “That was one of the best nights of my life.”

“Me too,” I said. “I’m pretty sure you just put all of my ex’s to shame.”

He laughed. “You know what? I’m making you breakfast in bed!”

My eyes grew wide with terror. Rule number one when living with Joe Mazzello: Don’t trust him with the fucking stove!

“JOE NO!” I said running after him quickly shrugging on my shirt and shorts from the night before.

Things were different after that. Joe and I went out on dates, had even more sex in various places around the house, and were just happy to be with one another. Still, there was a nagging feeling deep inside me that wondered if I had done the right thing. After all, I still had feelings for someone else. 

Gwil and I continued to chat and admittedly it changed quite a bit when Joe and I announced our relationship to the world. Never has my phone blown up with so many ‘What the fuck?’ texts before. Most of the texts from our friends said the same thing. ‘I thought maybe you and Gwil might get together.’ Which didn’t help the nagging feeling feel any better.

Premiere weekend finally arrived a little over a year later and that’s when things got complicated. Gwil and Ben flew in for the big night and had planned to stay for a few days so we could all hang out as a group for old times sake.

Gwil and I were completely awkward around each other but we did our best to conceal it. After the premiere, we all gathered at the hotel Ben and Gwil were staying at for drinks.

I remember Gwil sat as far away from me as possible the whole time we were there and hardly spoke to me. It hurt but I understood. Again the nagging feeling pounded in my head. 

I thought a lot about him throughout his stay, and he continued to pull further and further away from me. It hurt me. 

So on the morning of his second to last day in the states, I texted him. 

“We need to talk.”

“Ben’s out sightseeing all day with Joe if you wanna come by.” He texted back.

No sooner had Joe gone for his date with Ben that I left our apartment and started for the hotel. At his room, I only had to knock twice before he answered. “I get why you’ve been avoiding me,” I said.

“Um come in,” he stepped aside.

I did and collapsed on the sofa. “I am such a massive bitch. I can’t believe I would actually treat you so horribly.”

“Love, don’t do that to yourself,” he said sitting beside me. “If anyone’s at fault here it’s me.”

“What? Why?”

“Because I should have made my move before it was too late,” he said. “I should have made my move but I didn’t… because honestly, I was scared.”

“YOU were scared? I’m the one that was suddenly getting attention from this inhumanly handsome guy who could do so much better than me,” I said. 

“I can’t,” he muttered looking away. 

The nagging feeling came back stronger and it was telling me I needed to be closer. So I slid over until I was snuggled up against him. “What are we gonna do?” I whispered.

“I dunno,” he said.

I sighed and breathed in the scent of his cologne. It was every bit as perfect as he was. Before I could even think of stopping myself I was peppering his neck with kisses. 

“Love… don’t… I⸺.” But I continued to kiss and suck just below where his beard started. He let out a deep moan. It made me want more. So I placed my hand on his cheek and brought his mouth down to mine.

His hand rested on my hip as he kissed me with a passion I never knew before. I ran my fingers through his hair deepening it until he let out a subtle growl. “You drive me mad, woman.”

He then picked me up and carried me to the bedroom of the suite. We wasted no time in getting rid of our clothes. I noticed differences in his body compared to Joe’s soft form; right down to his length which like the rest of him was thick and long… definitely had two inches or so on Joe. After eyeing him a while I looked up and found he’d been doing the same. He then got on top of me, line himself up, and smiled that damn smile that would weaken even the sanest of people. 

“You’re so beautiful,” he said before pushing in.

From then on there was no stopping us. Gwil thrust and kissed me every chance he had. Being the ever generous lad he at one point sat up so I could ride him and just take charge for a moment. As I did he moaned and held me tight kissing my breasts. 

“Mmm Gwil,” I moaned. “Gwil I’m⸺ HNNG!”

“Hold on love,” he said before lying us back down. He thrust even harder then hitting me right on my sweet spot.

“FUCK!” I blurted. “I-I think I’m gonna⸺!”

I screamed, my toes curled, and I clung to Gwil as if my life depended on it. I tightened around him, covering him in juices. His thrusts slowed down then and grew sloppy. Then with a groan and a curse he twitched inside me.

Breathless he pulled himself out once there was nothing left but stayed on top of me. “I love you Y/N… so much.”

“I love you too,” I said, feeling the tears come.

After a good cry of frustration, we wound up having another round before I made my way back home with my head hung in shame.

Joe wasn’t home yet so I took a shower and started on dinner. Gwil texted me while I was cooking just as Joe entered the front door.

“I miss you already.” He texted.

“BABE YOU HOME?!” Joe shouted.

“In the kitchen!” I shouted back while texting back a quick ‘Me too’ to Gwil.

“Who are you talking to?” Joe asked as he approached for a kiss. 

“Gwil just texted me to remind me that I promised to bring a bowl of my famous guac tomorrow.” I lied.

“Ooh you mean the Seximole?” he said growing very excited. It was named that by moi because everyone who tried it wound up having a loud foodgasm. 

“As if there’s any other,” I said.

“Mmm I wanna come just thinking about it,” Joe moaned.

“Ugh!” I gasped. “Are you using me for my guac Joseph?”

“Maybe,” he smirked. “It is basically sex for the mouth.”

“Amazing my lover would rather fuck my guac than me,” I scoffed at him.

“Can you blame me?” he laughed. He then leaned in and kissed my neck. “Don’t worry, I still love you more.”

“Love you too,” I said. “Now go shower. You smell like ass and day-old cologne.”

He did and I got back to dinner and Gwil.

Gwil left a couple days later and we agreed that with time we could figure us out. I hated it and I could see he did too but it was the only plan we had so far.

A couple months later during Oscar weekend, I woke up feeling pretty shit. I threw up my entire dinner and scared the shit out of Joe. I brushed off as being pre-Oscar jitters. 

“Babe the jitters don’t make you throw up,” he said worried out of his mind but I assured him with some Pepto I would be fine. 

Gwil and Ben had flown in for the big show and Gwil was quick to notice my sickly complexion. “You feeling alright love?” he asked once we were in the shared limo. 

“Yeah just, um, having a bad case of the jitters,” I said feeling Joe’s eyes on me silently calling bullshit.

The show wound up going amazingly. We didn’t win the big one but we won plenty and Rami got the recognition he so rightfully earned. I’m pretty sure even Freddie would’ve been proud of how the night went.

Again Gwil and Ben stayed a few days to hang. My sickness never really went away though. Even Lucy was worried now but for a whole different reason… 

“Y/N when did you last have your monthly?” she asked once she and I were alone.

“Why?” She looked at me with her ‘really’ face. “Oh…”

She collected her purse and took me by the hand. “We’re going out for a bit don’t wait up,” she told the guys.

We went to the nearest drug store where I got a pregnancy test. Obviously taking it at home was a no go so Lucy and I locked ourselves in the store bathroom. She turned around while I did my thing and did her best to comfort me as we waited.

Sure enough, when I picked up the test a few minutes later staring back at me was a pink plus sign. “Oh, God…” I broke down crying.

“Y/N what’s wrong? Isn’t this a good thing?” she asked. I nodded. “Then why are you crying like it’s the worst thing in the world?”

I then told her everything the best I could. Gwilym, the hotel, and everything. “I don’t know what to do Lucy. It could be either of theirs.”

She sighed. 

“Well you should at least tell Joe first,” she said. “Then figure it out from there.”

I shoved my test in my pocket. Wiped away my tears and stood up. Back home I made a beeline for our bedroom needing to be away from everyone for a bit while I figured things out.

After a while, there was a knock on the door. “Babe?”

“Yeah,” I said.

“Can I come in?” Joe asked.

I sighed. “It’s your room too babe.”

He opened the door and walked over to the bed laying down beside me. “You gonna tell me what’s up or are you gonna keep me in suspense? ‘Cause, to be honest, I’m going slightly mad over here.”

“Letting the mystery percolate does sound tempting,” I teased.

“Babe,” he groaned.

“Fine fine,” I laughed. “How do you feel about kids?”

“I love them and I can’t wait to have them. Why?”

I took a deep breath and took his hand placing it on my stomach. “Because there’s a little Mazzello in here and I don’t want to do this alone.”

“What?!” Joe jumped up. “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! BABE!”

He tackled me and smothered me in kisses.

“Joe you’re crushing your child,” I laughed.

“Oops sorry!” he said jumping out of the bed. “Come on we gotta tell everybody!”

“Wait everyone’s still here?”

“Duh! You scared the shit out of them you dork!” he said taking off towards the living room. I barely set a toe into the room when he shouted. “GUYS I’M GONNA BE A DADDY!”

Everyone cheered and congratulated us except for Gwil who looked at me with an arched eyebrow. I gave a subtle nod that screamed: Yeah it might be yours. 

“I’m getting a coke,” I said. “Anyone want anything?”

Ben requested a beer, Lucy being the best girlfriend ever requested water (so as to not tempt the mama to be), and Rami and Joe said they were fine. I was in the kitchen for only a second before Gwil entered. 

“So there’s a baby,” he said. I nodded. “And it might be mine?”

I nodded again. “We won’t know for certain until the birth… I guess.”

“So that’s the plan then? Just wait?”

“What else can I do? I can’t very well do the tests without Joe finding out and lord knows he is going to be at every appointment until the big day.”

“But it could be the start of our family I can’t just do nothing,” he said.

“I know,”  I muttered.

Rami walked in then immediately killing the conversation. 

In truth, I honestly had no idea what I would do. I stuck with Joe who was more than excited about being a dad. He even asked me to marry him during my eighth month of pregnancy. I said yes but I still had days when I missed Gwil. Finally, after nine long months, my water broke.

Joe and I were in the hospital for hours. The others were busy with other projects so they couldn’t be there. It was probably for the best though. Eventually, the time came for me to push. I heaved and heaved. Suddenly my cries were replaced with that of my baby. “It’s a boy!” The doctor declared.

He placed the baby on top of me so that I could greet him with a hug and a kiss on his little head. I did just that and immediately felt exhaustion take over. “Y/N? Y/N!”

I heard Joe shout before everything went black.

I woke up sometime later but nobody realized it right away. “How long has she been..?” 

Gwil asked unable to finish. What in the hell is he doing here? I wondered. 

“Just a few hours and two days,” Joe sighed. “She was out before the other baby came.”

“Other baby?”

“Fraternal twins,” Joe said. “Another boy. We were, uh, going to surprise everybody.”

Gwil sat down beside me and I felt him slip his hand in mine.

“I don’t blame you,” Joe said. “For loving her, and… for doing what you did.”

“W-What do you mean?” Gwil asked.

“Ben forgot his wallet that day during your visit for the premier. I heard her voice coming from your room. Didn’t think anything of it until the voice turned into… other noises.”

“Mate I am so sorry,” Gwil cut him off. “I swear neither of us meant to hurt you. Hell, she loves you too much to ever… but…” Gwil sighed.

“But you love her,” Joe finished. “I get it.”

I then heard footsteps go across the room and a shuffling noise. 

“Here,” Joe took more steps. “I thought it was only right that you met him.”

“Why?” Gwil asked.

“Because he’s yours,” Joe said. “I asked around while she’s been out and it’s rare but it happens.”

Gwil’s hand left mine and there was more shuffling. He sighed. “He looks like I did in my baby pictures.”

“He’s beautiful,” Joe said.

I then heard as Gwil placed a small kiss on the baby’s head. “So what now?”

“Well, we’d already agreed that Rami would be Joey’s godfather. I figured it would be only appropriate if you be his,” Joe said. “She named him Brian by the way. Brian Gwilym Mazzello.”

“Mate… you are being too kind,” Gwil said.

“Nonsense,” Joe said. “It was the least I could do. Besides I know deep down it’s what she would want.”

“It is,” I muttered. 

Joe darted to me, tears streaming down his face. “Hey,” he whispered kissing me. “Oh thank God I thought I lost you.”

I sighed. “That’ll never happen and you know it.”

I then looked over at Gwil holding our baby. “Hey.”

“Hello love,” he said bringing the baby to me. “I believe you have yet to meet him.”

I took the baby into my arms. “Hi Bri,” I whispered. “Where’s Joey?”

“Oh uh,” Joe went and got the other baby. He placed him beside his brother on my lap. 

And for the first time in months, everything felt right. 

“I love you both so much,” I whispered before looking up. “I love all of you.”

And I always would. 

For at that moment my joy was complete.

[faintly-macabre-the-which]

Charles Dickens kinda had a thing about Jews, and this is something people do talk about. Fagin, from Oliver Twist, is pretty old news. He's literally described as a villainous, money-hungry, redheaded Jew, and called "the Jew" throughout the book. People are also talking about a Christmas Carol, though. I don't know how much of a conversation you're looking for, or what kind of conversation, but there are a lot of articles about the antisemitism in the story and surrounding both Ebenezer Scrooge and his dead partner Jacob Marley, both with pretty Jewish names. There argument seems pretty stuck at "It's very antisemitic that this is a story about a miserly Jew accepting the ~spirit of Christmas~ and becoming a good person" versus "this is a humanitarian story about charity/Tikkun Olam!"

Sidenote- my phone tried to autocorrect olam to Obama. Amazing.

Anyway, there are a lot of people pointing out the things you pointed out and more, the fact that Christmas is not a secular holiday, etc., and a lot of people pointing out that there's no Santa, reindeer, or jesus-birthing happening in this story. This article even has someone claiming that a Christmas Carol is just "a weird ghost story with a humanist moral.”

Personally, as a Jew, I feel like this is a story that could easily have a retelling with no Christmas involved - like, you could write a version of a Christmas Carol that's like

"It's Charity Day, a national holiday where everyone gathers together and does nice things for each other, but Mr. Misanthropic refuses to give his workers the day off! Watch as the Ghosts of his old business partner and the past, present, and future all visit him and let him know the true meaning of being not a fucking asshole for one day out of three-sixty-five, and maybe you, too (yeah you, you rich mother fucker watching this lifetime movie) will also feel inspired to be not a fucking asshole for one day!"

I mean, this could even be done on like, a random day that's not even a holiday or anything. You could do this as like, scrooge works people overtime without at pay at his Starbucks or something, and that night, regular past, present, and future decide to visit him, because they got through the rest of the people on their naughty list and Starbucks managers are up next.

Anyway, my point with all that, is that this story has very little to do with Christmas past the decor, so like, why don't we just cut out the Christmas stuff entirely and make it a fully humanist story without the tree?

So I think that's all the thoughts I had on that, probably. I've never had a Tumblr argument before, but I'm willing to try, so if anyone got pissed about something I said in here, I'm willing to throw down with like words and sources I guess. I'm not sure how these things work. Otherwise thank you for reading my thoughts, merry Christmas to people who are reading this near Christmas and celebrate it, and have a nice morning/day/evening/night depending when you read this for everyone else.

(Disclaimer: I do like the story and the Muppet version is one of my favorite movies of all time)... BUT why is there not more of a conversation around A Christmas Carol being a story about a moneylender with a Hebrew name being redeemed by ~accepting the spirit of Christmas~?

[italicwatches]

The Good Place - Season 2, Episode 01

Okay, so, we’ve got a few things to run down the line.

First and foremost, you might notice the lack of image. Real talk, I delayed this by two entire series, just trying to find a way to screenshot or screen grab or somehow get a fucking image out of Netflix on mobile.

I have, as you can see, failed to do so. There might be a way to force it that I haven’t figured out yet, and if any iOS or Android wizards are reading this and can help me figure out a way to do it, I’m all ears. Until that point, we are kicking this old school.

Secondly, if you are reading this on the RPGNet forums, you might know that we are about to undergo a mega upgrade that will put us on lockdown the whole weekend.

I am not stopping for that weekend. While posts will go up after, I also post these to a tumblr blog, Italic Watches. Check in and see what’s going on, follow, reblog, annoy your friends, click on anything bell-shaped, I think that’s how it works.

Oh, and thirdly, if you’re reading this on Tumblr…We’re about to super spoil this show’s first season, which I haven’t had a chance to get up here yet. Make sure you’re caught up first, got it?

With those things said, let’s get this show on the road. It’s The Good Place, season 2, episode 01! Here we GO!

-LAST SEASON on the Good Place. Eleanor died, woke up, was told she was in the Good Place, met Chidi, revealed she wasn’t intended for the Good Place. Met the couple Tahani and Jianyu, and Jianyu is really an idiot DJ named Jason from Florida. I am not fond of him having my name. She ultimately revealed that she was a liar…And then figured out that this was all an experiment by the Bad Place crew, and this WAS the Bad Place from the start! And so, the man in charge, Michael, realized the one answer was to reboot and start things over…And Eleanor had one single chance to hide a clue…

-Chapters 14 & 15.

In his office, Michael prepares for his latest meeting with his boss who I forget the name of. He’s made a bunch of little tweaks, like how now there’s no fresh coffee, it’s JUST pod machines. And new soulmates, trained actors. He won’t let you down! Yes you will. You most absolutely will fail, and be truly infamous for the next round of eternity.

-So Michael frantically has a company meeting with his staff crew. Various demons have lots of questions, including Vicky really wanting to get to play Real Eleanor again. Now she’s stuck playing Denise, and she doesn’t get Denise, and yeah there’s a lot of uncertainty…

-But, okay. Listen, guys. The opening salvo from version one was SOLID. They’re gonna re-use it. Get Eleanor drunk as hell at the welcome party, and then get her to make mistakes so they have material for the next morning’s chaos sequence! And he gets it, that humans with their mouths and elbows suck and are the worst. Sure, you’ll be tempted to do this the easy way, the old way. But this is going to work, and it’s going to be better. Now, say it with him. One, two, three, TORTURE!

-So hey, back with Eleanor, she’s trying to figure it out and also remember Janet’s name. Which is not working. But now she has a name. Chidi. But who, or what, is Chidi? Is that a type of soup? Okay, whatever it is, it’s gotta be in this town.

-Into the town! Where she meets Nina and Bart, soulmates, and tries to figure out how to find people…And also learns there’s no phones. No phones. At all. …Fork. So that didn’t work.

-And then she runs into ‘Jianyu’, silent monk, who passes her a sprocket…? Is, is he…?

-Cue Michael! Who quickly lets her know about Jianyu, the Taiwanese monk who never speaks. Might not be the first person you should get to know, what with a barrier that big. And look, they both know you’re not like everyone else here…

-S-She isn’t?

-Your work as an environmental activist was amazing, truly amazing! “Yes, well, I loved…Mushrooms. I can honestly say that.”

-Pop quiz do you think she’s referring to the ones other people put on pizza or the magic kind.

-So of course, Michael wants her to say a few words at the welcome party…By which he means an hour. And she gets a special little something to wear.

-A sash that declares her BEST PERSON. Which she has on at the party with her new man, whose heart is in the pope, his liver in the Dalai Lama, and his teeth are a necklace for a child king. And then he immediately ditches his tux to go get ripped. I kind of like his character. Very charming meathead.

-So who’s running this amazing manor, what with it no longer being Tahani? It’s Jessica, who wants to hear her big speech! And also she brought a very full glass of wine for Eleanor…Eleanor who tries to refuse, because can you imagine being drunk right before a big speech? “Getting kicked out of your niece’s christening…And only later, once you’ve sobered up, realizing you don’t even a niece? It’s like, who was that kid?”

-The whole party, of course, is full of people trying to offer her drinks, trying to line up that first shot. The problem is, it’s not working…She eventually tries to sneak a quick shot and a few shrimps, just trying to clear her head a little, and it’s looking like things might get back on track…

-Then she hears a woman arguing with a man.

-By the name.

-Of Chidi. SHE KNEW HE WASN’T A SOUP! Listen. They need to talk. Privately.

-Flashback to the moment Chidi awoke, rebooted. And learned that all of his heroes, all of the great philosophers, are in the Bad Place. Where they go naked to a class they’ve never been to on quiz day, every day. …And then they get smashed with hammers. That part’s not as clever as the rest. But you beat all of them at actually living by the principles you spoke of…

-And where things got interesting, is that Chidi was set up with multiple soulmates. See, normally, you get matched with one person. A perfect match to your core personality, the single best person across all things for you. But every so often, you get two paired matches. And so you have a choice!

-Here. Meet Pedro, Angelique, and Pevita. So, you four have a paired match. Any one of you, would be happy with any one of the other three. So all you have to do is someone has to make the call. Have fun! Chidi, did not have fun. He did not have fun with this at all. Because if you know Chidi, well, you know how badly this was gonna be for Chidi. The man who once had a moral panic attack at a make your own sundae bar.

-Sidenote, listen, buddy, the answer is simple. Chocolate pallet. Chocolate pallet, with creamy, and some of those little cheesecake bites.

-I’d fight somebody for some of those little cheesecake bites right now. Like, just so we’re clear.

-So he started trying to get to know them both, and an incredibly obvious answer was set before him with Angelique being so much more obviously better…But literally the instant he said that, Michael came racing in, and showing that there was a calculator error from one four-hour gap in mid-2003, and with that deviation taken into account, there was a deviation somewhere deep in the decimal points that DEFINITIVELY showed that Pedro should be with Angelique and Chidi with Pevita!

-…Shit. He’s good.

-And Chidi immediately buckled under the pressure and went with it instead of standing up for himself.

-So of course, they all ran into each other at the party. Which sent things even more sideways…Oh, and to make things even messier, right after he went to the bar to try and clear his head, up came ‘Denise’ to throw an additional wrinkle…I mean until Angelique stepped in.

-Basically what I am saying is that Chidi has had a very bad day.

-Which swings us back to the Now, and to Eleanor pulling Chidi aside to have a long, serious conversation. And she takes him to a side room, and shows him the note…At some point, before she woke up here, this note, in her handwriting, was in do-not-say-her-name’s mouth. And everyone’s been trying to ply her with liquor at this party.

-Something is not adding up. Her soulmate won’t spend more than two seconds with her. And a weird monk guy gave her THIS mysterious magic bracelet. …Eleanor now that I have a better look at that I am about 95% sure that is a bicycle gear, and most of the remaining 5% is taken up by the phrase Spacely Sprocket. She can’t hear me, this is linear fiction.

-…And then Chidi takes it all off the track because he is too consumed with his own shit to help her. And then, it’s speech time!

-Actually it’s time to get back to the start point. Tahani’s waking up. …And I’m just gonna add her name to the dictionary so I don’t get a super racist autocorrect error. And she gets to meet her soulmate, Tomás, whose medical work was ultimately funded by her tireless fundraising! Such perfect pairings you’d almost think some twisted, vindictive devil was setting it all up.

-Especially since Tomás here is about a head shorter than her. And it’s just getting from bad to worse, as we see her new house with him. It’s a…

-Actually shit I kind of love this place. It’s this little cottage out in the middle of nature, comfy and cozy and I’m getting real warm vibes off of it, good job lighting team on that one. Tomás then declares that they don’t need anywhere near all this space, so, bye-bye second floor! …Listen I know he’s playing a bit to dig under all of Tahani’s unexamined superiority issues but I would fucking love this cottage.

-…Oh fuck her sister’s paintings are all over the walls. Jesus, Michael, there’s torture and then there’s just cruelty. And Tomás is just gonna go in his usual digs to this swanky shindig, so…

-So that’s how Tahani ends up at the party in the inverse of her soulmate’s clothes. He’s in jeans and a green jacket, she’s in green pants and a denim jacket. And she’s really not handling it well. “I’m just not used to dressing like a plumber-ess!”

-You know, I’d feel bad, but literally everything Tomás’s character is presenting to fuck with her is kind of my jam so mostly I’m just rolling my eyes at her…her-ness.

-They are really digging in just how bad of a person Tahani is at the zero-point, though. …Also okay I will grant, I’m not a fan of Crocs unlike Tomás here. More of a flip flop man, comes with the Californian territory.

-So he’s off to the bar, and Tahani gets a chance to talk with Michael…And of course he puts the doubt in her head, reminding her that the system is Never Wrong. And if she wants, they can change the house! Do you want a mansion like this? Bigger? How about a moon? They can put you on a fucking moon Tahani, if that is how much space you need, to be in literal space. Is that what you need? Do you need your own personal moon, Tahani?

-Still not feeling bad for zero-point Tahani.

-Like, not even a little bit.

-So we get back to the encounter point, as Tahani ends up being the one left with Eleanor’s drinks when she races after Chidi…Just in time to run into another guy wearing the same green cargo pants as her. They’re cargo pants buddies! He was a garbage man in Winnipeg, what did you do in life? …Right, time to down them shots!

-And then it’s speech time. Eleanor gets up in front of the crowd, and tries to get to work on something akin to a speech, frazzled enough to actually be trying to take this seriously—

-. . .

-o o o

-I don’t know what I expected.

-But a drunk Tahani shoving her out of the way to vent about the bullshit of her first day, was not exactly at the top of my expectation list. So she’s…Not doing great. And Michael quietly tries to encourage Eleanor to get things back on track.

-Which is when Tahani is drunk enough to demand the mansion, and so Eleanor tries to take her aside to get some coffee and Tahani is not having it. “Is this your first time ever wearing a sash?!” …Well good job, Tahani, you made me sympathize with and feel bad for (nearly) zero-point Eleanor. That is not an easy task.

So that’s how Tahani…

-Um…

-…Oh boy.

-Oh dear.

-She rips the sash off of Eleanor. Stumbles back over the shrimp table. Knocks over a candelabra. And sets the curtains on fire.

-…Not a great day for Tahani.

-Back to the zero point, for our final man. ‘Jianyu’ woke up, and got handed his chance to just keep his mouth shut. And learned that his own soulmate connection was more deeply forged on a spiritual level than a romantic one. Which is how he met Luang, a fellow Buddhist monk. Binary souls, a perfect reflection of the other!

-And indeed, they spent all their time together, with lots of action mirroring, much to Jianyu’s frustration…Which led to that encounter with Eleanor. Right when he was taking the gear and wheels off of Luang’s bicycle to better ditch him. Which is how Eleanor ended up with that gear, right off the bike, before Jianyu rode off in a flash, finally on his own…

-Only to find Luang waiting for him back at their shared hut. Because of course.

-So to their point in the party, where Jianyu got introduced to the whole Janet situation. And got a pair of heaping glasses of yak’s milk. Jianyu did not do well with it, to say the least.

-So back into the Now, Tahani goes down hard as the fires burn furiously, and Jianyu books it, and right about when Tahani is sobbing about an excessive amount of pockets, Michael realizes shirt is off script.

-Back to his office, to the zero-point for him, and to all the lining up the details. Setting up Eleanor for the speech. Torturing Tahani in her little ways. Setting up Jianyu with the one character who would be of no help to him. Chidi’s hellish situation…And then ‘Denise’ pulling him aside.

-Vicky’s still not liking this situation one bit. Even if Denise runs the best pizza place in town and has a cat, and Michael insists those are pretty cool. …I mean, he’s not wrong there, but Vicky adored playing Real Eleanor! She got to break Chidi’s heart like 20 times, and really mess with him, but now Angelique is playing the game?! She’s a Ferrari stuck in the garage while some little Smart Car put-puts around!

-Listen, listen listen listen. You’ve got a great part coming up in just a few decades, and it includes Chidi. He’s gonna accidentally kill your cat. And it’ll TORTURE him. …Just give her a bigger part! A character bit! You know what, give her a limp! Just SOMETHING to act with!

-Which explains Denise’s whole circus-injury thing when she ‘ran into’ Chidi. I’m not gonna lie I might be more invested in Vicky the bristling actress than in a lot of the other hooks for the actual main characters.

-And things were starting to line up, as Michael checked in with some of the others…And learned that Eleanor wasn’t drinking. Eleanor, who snuck a flask into the car with her during her driving test. But okay, just start moving it forward, aim for the speech…

-And then, well, you know the rest of how that went. And Chidi pulls Eleanor aside, because he’s realizing things aren’t lining up. That note, it was on a page of a book he used to teach. He’s getting…Some kind of feeling off of her, one of those deja vu ‘swear I’ve met you before’ vibes. …Eleanor is pretty convinced that that’s some kind of pickup line. And she’s not entirely turning the idea down, either.

-You know, there was a lot of speculation on whether Eleanor might be bi or such given her attraction to Tahani bubbling up through the first season, but real talk I think she’s just horny.

-Anyways, Michael pulls some core cast into another room to talk, because things are off the rails. You can’t build a chaos sequence for Tahani because Tahani isn’t in here on the “mistaken identity” fiction! They need to get something going with Eleanor, where is she?

-…Good question, Michael.

-Great question.

-Superb question.

-Nobody knows.

-Also Chidi and Jay are also missing.

-Michael is…Shall we say…Displeased. And then Eleanor’s ‘soulmate’ comes to check in because it turns out he’s been claiming he’s off to the gym literally every time Eleanor tries to confess to him. So he really is a meathead.

-How. Many. Times. Have you claimed you were going to go to the gym, or work out, or otherwise used exercise to escape. “Five…No, nine!” Listen, he liked his old job! It was simple! He was a twister! People came in, he twisted them until they snapped in half, he moved on to the next person! But this job is weird! It’s all talking, and emotions, and nobody’s getting twisted! Now he’s REALLY going to the gym!

-Okay. Okay. Deep breath. They need the four humans so they can get back on track. …MOVE YOU IDIOTS! MOVE!

-Cut over to Chidi and Eleanor, who’ve caught up, and Chidi’s…Not handling it well. They clearly met before. But not in life. But she’s not supposed to be here. And this is their first day here. Is he also not supposed to be here?! Did they meet in the Bad Place, or some other cosmic metaphor?!

-And what do they DO?! Eleanor has no idea, but they need to figure it out…!

-Late at night, all on his own, Jay calls up Janet. And in need of someone to talk to, confesses you know everything he’s confessing. So Janet listens, and Jay just wants to be less confused and lonely…And so Janet has somewhere he can go, and so he hugs her, as their ship starts to build back up.

-Back at Eleanor’s place, Chidi’s…Well he’s gotten it to two possibilities. This book this is from is not exactly a 101 text. It’s something he taught at the grad-school level. So, they must have had a lot of time to discuss and study the material…Or, you know, you just tore it out of the first book you found. But still, it’s something.

-And that’s when Michael finds them! Here to apologize for the commotion at the party, and to escort Chidi back home. Which is when Tahani drops by to return the sash after everything that happened…And she’s feeling things aren’t right!

-And that’s when Tomás finds them, and also Pevita. And Janet brings Jay on by and Eleanor is still convinced that that bicycle gear is a magic amulet and Luang comes to get Jianyu and…

-…And Jay breaks character openly and in front of everyone and then Eleanor’s man shows up and, seeing things are off the rails, he just rips his suit off once again to go back to the gym. Again.

-And Eleanor can tell you one thing right here. This is NOT what Michael there’s saying it is. This is NOT the Good Place. This is some…Some prank show! And then she reveals the note, and Michael can’t help but laugh. Very clever, Eleanor! This does explain how things went off-script immediately. But okay, another loop, and without any tricks or built-up materials this time!

-Tahani tries to talk to his boss and SNAP

-Fresh meeting with the crew. You know the human saying, third time’s the charm, right folks? Listen, it was a false start, but Eleanor has no note…He calls up Janet, and checks her internals all the way shoulder deep. …Hey, Michael, did you check with Shawn the boss-man? Of course! And he thought it was very funny and is very supportive and don’t call him he’s a busy man.

-Any other questions? Vicky has one! Michael is not acknowledging it. At all. Then it’s back to his office, where…Shawn calls in and what is going on, Michael? And Michael just starts lying through his god damned teeth about how attempt number 2 is going. You will not be getting an attempt number three if this goes awry, Michael. …Riiiight. Right right right.

-Credits!

…Well that did not go how I expected.

[etherealblasphemy]

the story that doesn’t know what genre it wants to be

my brain had an idea for a sci-fi/adventure/dystopia story, and here we are. we have the wonderful Sanders Sides in the starring roles, along with some ocs because I needed to put the name “calrex bennova” somewhere. enjoy my headcannons as offering #1 :)

The Universe:

-Made up of thousands of galaxies, what we mortals call “AUs”

-Common languages include Laolae, Kirou, Aresan, and Falafel (I was hungry writing this)

-Rumors say that there is a dangerous creature lurking in the cold depths of space, but only conspiracy theorists on message holograms would believe that...

-Strings of galaxies are often ruled under one leader, because most species are kind and have their act together unlike humans

-Speaking of humans, Earth is dead. :) there was a great meme war (haha no, it was something much more dark...)

-Logan, Roman, Patton, and Virgil are all outlaws aboard the ship Sanders Yersinia, all with prices on their heads.

Logan:

-A highly advanced prototype of AI-ingrained people. They look like people, function like people, but don’t have icky emotions get in the way of reasoning and judgement.

-Oops Logan’s creator made a mistake so Logan does have something resembling emotions.

-His original name is L.O.G.I.C., but whatever it stood for was lost to a fire, in which Logan’s creator also perished. Patton called him Logan by accident, and the name just stuck.

-He is wanted for trying to break into a laboratory to “fix” himself and reprogram himself.

-Logan is quiet and suffers from love... of learning. He unfortunately doesn’t have infinite memory, so he sometimes must delete some of his knowledge in order to acquire new information.

-He is actually connected to the Cloud, which remained after Earth screwed themselves, so he understands all human languages and also has a secret habit of going onto human websites like Tumblr and YouTube. (He enjoys book commentaries and audiobooks.)

-The most mature of the crew of Sanders Yersinia; plays adult way too often for his liking

Roman Prionsa:

-A usurped prince from the Galaxy DR-34-M (i’m not creative lololol),  on the run from the new King’s soldiers, who want to finish the job of destroying the royal family.

-The biggest idiot of the crew

-After Virgil introduced him to Disney, with the (unwilling) help of Logan, Roman won’t stop singing the songs and quoting them from heart. Virgil regrets his decision.

-He suffers from constant nightmares, in which his family is burned alive at the stake at the hands of the one who exiled him and he can do nothing but watch.

-Roman is very generous and understanding and gentle to everyone but can be extra and obnoxious with the flip of a Bitch Switch, which has landed the crew in several less-than-optimal situations.

-One time Roman tried to out-flirt a mermaid on an aquaterrestrial planet and ending up burning down a couple trees and getting his head blown up double its size by said mermaid. (“It’s finally big enough to fit your ego!” -Virgil)

-Despite his overly-dramatic “charm”, he won’t hesitate do run into battle if it means saving his crew members or innocent bystanders. He will also be extremely serious when the time calls for it.

-He occasionally wears make-up because a pRINCE HAS GOT TO SLAY

-Oh Roman also has butterfly wings he can unveil at any time and an everlasting flower crown/halo of light around his head. He was born glamorous.

Patton Hart:

-His real name is Pattryon Heartasea, but “Patton Hart” is so much easier to say (and it doesn’t autocorrect, so there’s that, too).

-He lived in a magical world called Noira, and is called a Drisine, also known as Shapeshifters.

-Patton’s “true form” is a woodland creature similar to a centaur, but galloping is not allowed in the ship, so he has to settle for running around as a human. Patton’s true form is beautiful, full of flowers and cookies and everything fluffy ever to exist. You will actually die if you look upon his true form (unless you’re a Drisine yourself) because no-one can handle something so pure.

-He has telekinesis, enhanced reflexes, and a larger spectrum of emotions.

-This makes it harder from him to articulate his feelings, leaving him feeling misunderstood and sad.

-The crew is known as the Patton Protection Squad, and will hunt down and destroy anyone who even looks at Patton wrong. They are alternatively known as the Virgil Protection Squad.

-Patton loves baking and enjoys visiting markets on whichever planet they visit to gain new recipes and is already to cook for his fellow crew mates.

-He is the closest thing the crew has to a fighter/soldier. But Patton doesn’t believe in hurting others who’re just doing what they’re told, so he refuses to fight, much to the dismay of everyone else.

-His crime is refusing to fight. Noira is very close to Roman’s home planet, and thus is also under the rule of Roman’s family. As a teenager Drisine (his seventies in human years), he refused to fight for the royal family because it was against his morals and was thusly imprisoned.

-Roman, on a tour on the castle in preparation for the day he would succeed his parents, saw Patton in a cell and immediately had him freed.

-Roman and Patton are now inseparable friends and will die for each other without hesitation.

Virgil Sorge:

-The last survivor from Earth. He witnessed its destruction and is now anxious that every little thing will destroy the last things he loves in his life.

-He was 20 when he was picked up by a alien ship surrounded by blue and red lights.

-He‘s quiet and moody and has really low alcohol tolerance, as discovered by Roman.

-One of the only things from Earth that he took with him is his hoodie, which his mother hand-knit for him for his sixteenth birthday and is basically the last thing he has to remind him of her.

-He knows every MCR, P!ATD, TOP, FOB, Green Day, Black Veil Brides, NateWantsToBattle, and Ivalo song there ever was (note: ivalo is not a real band, please don’t be confused when search results yield nothing about them).

-He’s overprotective of his crew members and is always the first one to offer medical help in any situation.

-Virgil is Logan’s apprentice. Logan knows there will be a day that he will break, so he’s training Virgil to do all of his jobs when that day comes. Virgil, of course, just thinks Logan wants to show off his knowledge, but he’ll do anything that’ll prove his worth.

-Virgil technically never committed any crime, he was just so grateful to be saved from the dying Earth that he fought alongside the crew and eventually people just decided four troublemakers in jail is better than three.

Calrex Bennova:

-My OC who I love. go and fight me. You can’t win against someone with a name this cool.

-Calrex is from a planet lost to time and space. They hardly remember anything from their past, other than screaming and their parents’ silver eyes full of tears. (Foreboding, I know. You’re welcome my brain writes nothing but angst)

-If they were human, they were be a mix between Alaskan Native American, Latinx, East Asian, and Pacific Islander. They basically look like a fusion between Yuuri Katsuki, Moana, Miguel from Coco, and an Inuit (I can’t name any Alaskan Native Americans because there’s NO REPRESENTATION in the media).

-They’re originally found by the crew in a dark back alley behind a pub called “Sleeping Stars” and are taken into the crew because 1. they’re a badass bitch and the crew needs an actual fighter and 2. they have some pretty rough injuries.

-When they wake up, they freak because why are they in a spaceship? and why is someone watching them as if they care? and if they don’t want to claim the bounty on their head, and they don’t want their body, what the fUCK DO THEY WANT? FRIENDSHIP?

-Cal is known intergalatically as “The Pirate” because they have a history of petty offenses. Oh, and they also are rumored to have wiped out an entire galaxy without mercy. But even Cal doesn’t remember that, so...

-They always wear combat boots. Always. Even to bed.

-Their first night in the ship, they refuse to sleep with everyone else in the Dorms, so they sleep in the Control Center on the floor. But a mysterious member of the crew brings a sleeping Cal a blanket and a pillow :) kindness still exists, happily

Thomas:

-The Sanders Yersinia’s A.I.

-Loves making puns, overanalyzing every possible outcome of every possible situations, informing their passengers of useful information at the worst possible moment, and playing Disney songs to wake Roman up from his beauty sleep.

-Logan even designed an avatar for Thomas that appears on the screen, though only his waist above is ever shown.

-He can never be sad. Ever. You are doomed to always have an optimist’s perspective at the worst of moments.

woooo I think this is long enough for now. AnYwHo, I hope you enjoyed reading my first attempt at creating an AU; hopefully I didn’t bore you all to death. Apparently some of you all actually wanted this, so here’s my first attempt at a tag list (so many firsts aaaaaahhhhhh...)

@asofterfan

@alix-the-skeleton

@hufflepuffsscrewdriver

@v-blue-writer

thank you all for wanting this and actually motivating me to write something :)

[janeaustentextposts]

What is your favorite non-Austen period novel? Movie?

Okay I’m gonna do a rundown of all my favourites because making me pick one is just mean. (Also at one point in my notes on the following books and films I just wrote “Bagels” and I can’t for the life of me think what I might have meant or autocorrected that from. Maybe a shopping list started to take form. I don’t know.)

(If the film Miss Austen Regrets and book Longbourn by Jo Baker count as non-Austen then include them.)

Films:

Lagaan: Once Upon a Time in India - 2001 (Sports! High stakes! Sticking it to the Colonial Man!)

Mozart’s Sister - 2010 (Beautiful music! Gorgeous androgyny! GIRLS CAST TO PLAY THEIR ACTUAL AGE AND NOT SOME 20-SOMETHING PRETENDING TO BE FOURTEEN!)

Possession - 2002 (I’ve tried the novel, and A.S. Byatt has some beautiful prose but her structures sometimes do my head in, so never finished it. Ignore Paltrow as best you can and enjoy lush Victorian Gothic mystery and the ending is one of the most poignant things I’ve ever been pleasantly surprised with on film, and it leaves you wondering about many, many things…)

Jodhaa Akbar - 2008 (You could put Hrithik Roshan and Aishwarya Rai in the worst commercial ever made and I would watch it. Costumes, scenery, and, as a friend once put it “I’m not sure how they did it, but they just had a sex scene without any sex.” Bravo.)

Water - 2005 (Deepa Mehta is such a fantastic filmmaker and I loved this whole trilogy but Water is my favourite.)

Elizabeth - 1998 & Elizabeth: The Golden Age - 2007 (The costumes! The caMERA ANGLES!!! The compli-fucking-cated mess that is Elizabeth I.)[Okay Tumblr won’t let me embed any more trailers, but those ones are easy to find, they’re out there.]Vatel - 2000 (Any foodie who is also a fan of The Sun King and his era will dig this one. A great score, baddie Tim Roth.)Alternatively, in the same era: A Little Chaos - 2015. Storyline is a little weak, but it’s so beautiful and the cast is great and the M U S I C. Kate Winslet. Alan Rickman. Helen McCrory. STANLEY TUCCI.)Also: they’re not films, but TV shows - honourable mentions to the Spanish series Gran Hotel. It’s like a good version of Downton Abbey, only sorta on crack and with a tonne more murder mysteries; and while I have some Issues with its so-called hero and some comparatively weirdo plot-points in S3, overall, it’s fantastic and I’m obssessed. Please don’t mix it up with the Italian re-make which looks horrible in every way. Like, main actors dressed in a poorly-sewn-table-cloth-bad.And shout-out to the new CBC/Netflix series Anne. I will defend this show to the DEATH, alright? They’ve gone bolder and fresher and have managed to involve period realism in a moving way while retaining the sunshine-and-pinafores element that so many people love about L.M. Montgomery’s work. There’s heaps of women with production credits, and I think it shows. Geraldine James is already my favourite Marilla after one episode, and I feel like R.H. Thompson (HEY JASPER DALE HEEEEY!) and Amybeth McNulty are likely going to become my favourite Matthew and Anne, too. People have complained about this series going off-book and in particular some have condemned it sight-unseen because the writers/directors are putting a feminist spin on it and OH GOD THEY SAID FEMINIST QUICK WE GOTTA SET EVERYTHING ON FIRE BECAUSE CHILDHOOD IS RUINED, but honestly it’s just perky and gorgeous and scrappy and nobody can tell me to my face that Kevin Sullivan didn’t go all the fucking way off-book from the very beginning so I am not gonna sit here and insist that the Megan Fallows Anne of Green Gables was perfection which could never be improved upon because that’s just a plain lie. It was nice and it has its place but it’s time for some new blood. (And NOT the telefilms they’ve also come out with recently with Martin Sheen, bless his heart, but they took a brunette child actor and dumped an atrociously stark box of red hair-dye on her before drawing on her freckles and then telling her to please play everything theatrically to the back of the house even though there is a camera ten inches from her face.) I am HERE FOR ANNE. RIDE OR DIE.

AND NOW, FOR BOOKS!

After that you might assume my L.M. Montgomery recommendation would be Anne of Green Gables and sure I won’t say DON’T read them, but for my money the Emily of New Moon trilogy is more my jam and I wish to God and Netflix in all my prayers that there might someday be a decent adaptation of them.I was really into Cassandra Clark’s Abbess of Meaux mystery series for a time, but then things went a bit pear-shaped in what I think was the fourth(?) book and everything was OOC and honestly I haven’t caught up on the later books after that and they seem to be self-published now but I am a sucker for nuns and mysteries so I’ll probably get back into it when I have time.

The Princess Priscilla’s Fortnight and The Solitary Summer by Elizabeth von Arnim. Vacation-reads! Beautiful prose, some wry wit, and fun hijinks. If you’ve ever wanted to run away and live in an isolated cottage in the wilderness for a little while, these are for you. [ETA: I recently got my hands on a copy of The Jasmine Farm so THANK YOU to one of you who recommended it I am loving it so far only I don’t see the appeal in Andrew so wtf Terry you can do better.]Edward Rutherfurd’s geographical history novels–Sarum is the classic to start with, but the others I’ve read are very good, too. (London, New York, and I’m now working my way through a first-edition of Russka.)Amy Levy. A M Y   L E V Y. Criminally under-recognized Jewish Victorian novelist and poet. Novellas Ruben Sachs and The Romance of a Shop. (RS a beautiful and bittersweet story about the conflicts between love, identity, and expectations, and some would say a response to George Eliot’s Daniel Deronda. TRoaS reading a bit like a less treacle-sweet variation on Little Women, where four sisters try to make their way in the world by setting up their own photography studio in late 19th century London.)The Making of a Marchioness by Frances Hodgkin Burnett. Colonialist racism appears in this one, so be warned. Still the book is a THOUSAND times better than the utterly dreadful adaptation known as The Making of a Lady. Jane is better, Emily is better, Walderhurst is better, pretty much EVERYONE IS BETTER. The pacing is better. The plotting and suspense make actual sense.

The Scarlet Pimpernel by Baroness Orczy. A classic, and the grand-daddy of every secret-identity superhero.

The Forsyte Saga by John Galsworthy. Like, it makes me MAD how good these books are.

And last but not least, a non-fiction selection in Vere Hodgson’s WWII diaries: Few Eggs and No Oranges. Nothing else has ever brought the experience of living (or trying to) under the shadow of the bombs and the threat of invasion quite like these diaries. Fascinating details, engagingly written, and at times a stark reminder that the Allied victory we take for granted in our history could by no means be counted on by the millions who dwelt in daily uncertainty.

[fishsupportgroup-blog]

Good Omens Fandom Welcome Pack (4/3/17)

Yo my dudes!!!! So I got a message from @dirktective-assassina who just found out that there’s a good omens fandom so I figured I’d try and pull together some resources as an up to date fandom welcome pack :D It’s pretty long and comprehensive so I’ve put it under the cut.

So first things first: the ship name of Aziraphale/Crowley isn’t Crowaphale or anything like that but is Ineffable Husbands. We also sometimes use Air Conditioning (like A/C if you see?) although this is less used now than it was, largely because of the way tumblr tagging works versus livejournal and it’s a bit of a hassle to traipse through posts of people’s air conditioning not working, but there are still posts on that tag and it's a good way to find older fan-works. Other wise we generally just tag as Good Omens.

As with a lot of fandoms with a slightly longer history, livejournal used to be the main site for the good omens community and we transferred across bc, let’s face it tumblr is a hell site but it’s also a hell of a lot more accessible than livejournal. However, there are still a lot of things going on with livejournal!!! my main resource there is the Lower Tadfield Air Base: Fighting off Armageddon since 2003! The Good Omens Holiday Exchange is also organised on livejournal, I’ve linked to this year’s entries :)

Which brings me onto fic!! (Some of these fic will be explicit but they all have warnings at the beginning). Two fics always recommended in older fic rec lists are The Sacred And The Profane, and A Diamond Sky Above Titanic (although, personally, they’re not really my favourites). Also, The Lower Tadfield Air Base has a good fic tag :) Finally there’s this post which also adds some extra links and info on joining the good omens fandom, it also has a gen fic section if that’s more your cup of tea.

My main source of fics however, comes from our Lord and Saviour, Archive Of Our Own. Just take note when you’re using the search tool you fully type in Aziraphale/Crowley rather than letting it autocorrect you to Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens) then you’ll only get 217 works in comparison to the 1178 fics available and all the fic of Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens) is filed under Aziraphale/Crowley anyway. If that makes any sense?

Personally, I’ve been horribly remis in tagging my own favourites because I’m fairly useless. However, I know I love Fridays by ylc. If you like human! aus then I also really love Ordinary People by daeger which has a wee Jewish painter Crowley :D

Ruby Tears by @not-a-space-alien is also a really good fic in highlighting the fandom’s perspective on Crowley: essentially in that he’s a HUGE FUCKING NERD who tries so hard to look cool and suave and is actually just very vulnerable and sweet and loving. Aziraphale, on the other hand, is very much an oblivious banana that’s too self-obsessed to really recognise this and has an incorrect view that Crowley is The Adversary and should be thought of as such. There has been A LOT of AMAZING meta on this, I would really recommend @futureevilscientist‘s essay on The Arrangement as p. much essential reading. They also have a tag for meta which I also really recommend.

My final fic to recommend is HAS to be the Crown of Thorns series by @irisbleufic (often shortened to cot). For me, this is The Fic, you know, and I feel like it really defines the Good Omens fandom in many ways. It’s based on the fanon that after the events of the apocalypse, Aziraphale and Crowley moved into a cottage on the South Downs together. All the details of the fic are in the introduction :D Other Iris fics to recommend are Regulars and What to Say (and How Not to Say It) if like me you’re trash for 3rd person pov. Finally as someone from York I’m honour bound to mention Promises to Keep.

We also have some Amazing artists in the fandom, people like @kogla and the like are just so great to have posting content for us!! basically just turn to the good omens tag and follow some of the suggested blogs (see below) we’re always posting everything :D One of my faves is this one by @6utton (who also gives me my raffles fix). @lunasong365 has also sent me this beautiful video and their playlist of other videos :‘) You also have the good omens tag on the hell site of deviantart

Also in terms of art, @askajcrowley is utterly brill, they don’t post much anymore but when they do I cry because they’re great.  If you want a really interesting view of how fandom has changed over time, go back through their posts as far as you can, it’s seriously worth it. In terms of fandom changing, the Good Omens fandom has generally imploded; it did used to be a very big active fandom, with a lot of ask blogs and a much greater focus on the other characters besides Aziraphale and Crowley. The current day fandom does feel bad about not talking about the other great multifaceted characters but we don't tend to do much to rectify it, as not-a-space-alien highlights in this post.

The older fandom also used to have A LOT of discourse surrounding fancasts. Oh God. Suffice to say if I ever see another post casting Bajkfbgjgiug Cskjfbgkjfba/Tom Hiddleston in all the roles I will actually throw up. This trend lead to our Worst Meme, Cage Omens: in which all the characters are played by Nicholas Cage. This meme likes to make a reassurance every now and again, so FOR GODS SAKE DONT SUMMON IT. (We all secretly love it).

Speaking of fancasts, we should probably mention adaptations. When the news of the latest adaptation came forward, a lot of us were very apprehensive because We Have Been Here Before. Lots. Like 5 Times. (I think in like ‘02 there was going to be one with Robin Williams but It was just after 9/11 and everyone ran as fast as they could from apocalypse based media). However, this one does look like it’s going ahead and will be airing next year maybe :) We do also have the beloved radio adaptation, which we will all suggest had it’s flaws but was also p damn brill. (The BBC sometimes replay it around Easter?)

However the discourse over fancasts did actually raise some pertinent points to do with race, with a lot of people feeling really uncomfortable with how white the suggestions were for characters that have no explicitly stated race. This is especially the case in regards to Aziraphale where there might be inbuilt preconceived conceptions of a white angel. This post and @a-poc-alypse‘s commentary on the subject I think is really important. I think the fandom now makes a concerted effort to try and produce more diverse art and the like, and I think we are better than we were, but it is something we have to actively work towards rectifying.

Other discourse of far, far less importance is in regards to their wings. Essentially, a lot of older fanart has Crowley with bat like wings which a lot of the fandom disagrees with, and there’s a lot of discourse about the colour of their wings too. Traditionally, Aziraphale is depicted with white wings and Crowley with black, but as is oft pointed out within the fandom, the colour of their wings is not stated and, given the significance of heaven and hell just being names for sides with no tangible distinction, and that demons are of angel stock, this separation has been questioned. Basically, the consensus now is play around with it!!!!! My head canon is that Az has owls wings and Crowley has duck wings :D

As for Hogwarts Houses, no one actually knows tbh either of them could fit into any house I think? We've had a lot of discussions and I think the ultimate conclusion we’ve come to is just go with what you want. At the moment I think I like Gryffindor Crowley and Ravenclaw Aziraphale. Some good Harry Potter AUs are Potter Omens by sadaf, St. Joseph of Cupertino, Home Life and Social Habits of British Muggles, and the Legacy of James Bond by Interrobam, A Look into a Magic Mirror by athousandelegies, and Saturday by Elvendork.

This leads to another point which is the links Good Omens have with other fandoms. There are Obviously the links with Supernatural given that their Crowley was literally named after ours, but there are also a weird amount of Wolfstar (Remus Lupin/Sirius Black) crossover fics and a lot of them involve them all sleeping with each other?? Anyway. I’ve also noticed that p. much all the Raffles fandom tend to be Good Omens fans too.

Finally you have the Shakespeare/Marlowe fandom so there are a lot of jokes in fandom at the moments about Crowley/Shakespeare (ship name: Snakespeare). I’m laying the blame firmly on @macdicilla and this post.

Music!! I LOVE @ajcrawly‘s The Ritz Does Not Admit Nightingales but 8tracks is useless for UK pals atm. Every playlist of Good Omen will have Queen and A Nightingale Sung in Barkley Square, I’m sorry I don’t make the rules.

And then there are the blogs!!:

@audiomens (with transcripts of the radio 4 adaptation)

@incorrect-good-omens-quotes

@thisbutgoodomens (taking posts and making them Good Omens, tag them if you think there’s a post they would appreciate!!)

@goodomensheadcanons

There are the blogs I’ve mentioned above, like @not-a-space-alien and @macdicilla (you can’t have one without the other), and @futureevilscientist, @irisbleufic, @kogla, @lunasong365, @askajcrowley, @a-poc-alypse, @ajcrawly

Also worth following are, @milkythefrozen, @pridoo, @maniacalmole, @ladylier, @thisisadecisionimayregret, @la-petite-robe-jaune, @sous-le-saule, @rocksalive, @nemeankitten, @everything-good-omens, @fyeahgo and tbh there are heaps more, I’m sorry if I’ve missed you off, I have a memory worse than like 99% of the population (according to my educational psychologist). If you want to be added just put a reply or message me or smth :D

Finally, I’d like to thank @not-a-space-alien for their welcome kit, @futureevilscientist for theirs, @ladylier for giving me ideas to talk about, @lunasong365 for showing me their playlist, and @a-poc-alypse for pointing me in the direction of their tags.

Okay. I think that’s it?? If you have anything further to add just post it below or message me or put it on the tags or replies whatever basically. If you disagree, or I’ve got something wrong, or you want to be added/taken away as a source then don’t hesitate to tell me!! (but please don’t send me hate, I’m trying my best and I’ll work hard to compensate)

:D

[jessthequeenofstories]

😶

I’m still awake at 6am

My friend is in my bed

I’m lying with my head at the foot and my feet on a chair

Casual

I’m used to being weird

🙃

She keeps half-waking up and poking me with her feet

And I keep scaring her when I move away

But she’s still half asleep so makes a scared noise but forgets about it two seconds later

This is actually hilarious

I’m actually trying not to fucking laugh right now

So I’m just staying up on Tumblr to pass the time

Cause I’m insomniactic anyway

Is that even a word

Will I ever use grammar

I used apostrophes so yeah maybe

That last sentence should have had at least three commas in it

Fuck grammar

Up da arse

And apparently fuck spelling as well

Oh I already established that with the made-up word

Ow she just kicked me

😂

Wanna get up and eat some cake but she’ll think I’m a ghost or something and probably attack me with a cucumber or something

Don’t ask why I have a cucumber in my room

You should be more worried why I want cake while my friend is sleeping next to me

You dirty bastards

So this will be a fun post for her to read when she wakes up

Or fun pussy as my autocorrect just wrote

Ow stop kicking me

Your toe nails are sharp af

I have no nails so

So what

Where was I going with that argument

Not this doesn’t make sense without grammar

Why aren’t I using grammar again

Maybe it’s a rebellion against society

Maybe I’ll start a revolution against the English and their fucked up language with it’s fucked up rules

I’m Welsh after all

So no more grammar

Instead the word baa will be used instead of a full-stop baa

And the name Tom Jones will be used instead of question marks if that’s alright with you Tom Jones

And popty ping will be used popty ping to keep up with the pattern going on here popty ping instead of commas baa

Make sense Tom Jones

Good baa

I’m probably gonna wake her up soon if I don’t stop laughing baa

She told me she’d probably be awake by seven baa

It’s almost half six now baa

I’m waiting baa

Is this grammar getting annoying Tom Jones

It’s dyslexic af popty ping as most of you already know popty ping so it is getting quite annoying for me as well baa

It’s hard to remember where everything goes baa

A bit like having sex really baa

Baa really should not be in the same sentence as sex really

Now that sentence doesn’t make sense if you’re still reading it as a full stop

Period really should not be in the same sentence as sex really

Well that’s a bit true also

Ewww

Unless you’re lesbian vampires then I guess live and let live

If that’s you’re thing I ain’t knocking it

I am legit on the edge of my bed

Fucking toe nails of death edging closer

I feel like I’m in an Indiana Jones film

Or James Bond

Edging closer to the edge of a cliff while spikes urge me backwards

A bit like Elsa and those guards in her ice castle

Well one was being pushed while the other was being impaled

Oh look I’ve been impaled

Oh bother

If you’re wondering why apostrophes never got a Welsh update it’s because I’m not that dyslexic

I know how to use grammar

I’m just being ironic

But I’d look like an idiot to not use apostrophes

So yeah

Point proven

Ironic peace sign

☮

No not that peace sign

✌

Yes that peace sign

Wow I need cake

🍰

More cake

🎂

More

Wait, real cake tho

I can’t eat pixles

I’m not PAC Man

Mostly cause I’m not a man

What is a PAC anyway?

It sounds very racist

Well whatever it is I’m not it

Unless it means dyslexic then yes

I am a PAC

Or Welsh

Then I am a PAC

Or awake at half six in the fucking morning

Then yes

I am

Indeed

A PAC

Man

Minus the man

Omg she curled her legs up

I’m away from the feet

I feel so freed

It feels like the liberation of France

I have so much space

I might even have enough room to turn over to the other side

😮

My god this is a joyous day

This shall go down in the history books

The day I was freed from the torture of toe nails

😄

And nope she just stretched her legs out again

Now I’m gonna have to cancel that party

Sorry no cake for you

Sorry Chuckles maybe you can come for Halloween instead

Just gonna stick a pin in all these balloons

Watch them all pop

Like my personal space bubble

Pop

It is done

There is nothing less

Oh sweet heavenly slumber why hath art forsaken me

Dramatic faint

Oh wait if I’m fainted than does that mean I’m not asleep

Maybe

But how am I typing

Can people sleep-text

I mean people drunk-text all the time and they manage that quite successfully

My mum used to say I sleep-sing

Is that true

Do I really sleep-sing

Of course fucking not I don’t fucking sleep

Or use grammar

Or do anything normally

I have legit spent half an hour of my life writing this post non-stop

And for what reason

Was it to tire me out

Was it to cure my boredom

Was it to make my friend laugh when she wakes up

No

No it wasn’t

I did this all for cake

Sweet sweet cake

And I would do anything for cake

I’d run right into hell and back

I would do anything for cake

Ect ect

I forgot the rest of the song

Meatloaf mf

I’m so fucking bored

Maybe I should write my own song

Or maybe I should sleep

Song it is then

So what should the song be about

Defo not a love song

Unless it’s about my love for cake

Then it that case it should be about a love triangle between me cake and pie

Why pie

Because she’s my cherry pie

And fuck all that rest of the song idkfml

I love how my autocorrect didn’t even bother to suggest a word for that

😂

So maybe the song should be about

Hold you horses she just actually for real tucked her legs up

Halaluhja

Praise the gods above

Or below

Or in the middle

Where you chillin at Gabriel

But omg I’m so fucking happy

I’m alive

I’m insomniactic but alive

I just wanna get up and great the world with a happy smile

Hello sunshine

Goodbye sunshine cause let’s be real this is Britain

Hello rain-clouds

Hello puddles

Hello awkward snail that tries to hug the pavement when I try and move you out from the middle of the pavement

Hello shops that are closed on a Sunday because fuck the milk I need for my morning cup of tea

Did I say morning

Sorry I meant 5 in the afternoon when I finally get the energy to role or of bed

It’s winter of course the sun has fucked of by 5pm

Sorry lad a babe in Australia wants me to kiss her whole body

😚

Does anyone what call freckles sun-kisses

Don’t worry I don’t call them that

My mum calls them that though

She used to tells us that so we wouldn’t feel bad about having them

Mum’s covered in them

Either she’s trying to spread possitivity about freckles or she’s having an affair with the sun

I mean it’s pretty hot

Who wouldn’t bang that

Me

And probably most of the population of the earth

Don’t worry mum you’ve got it all to yourself

But when you’re complaining about how you’re heart burns in desire

Just realise it is actually burning

Yup it actually burns

Burn

Oh my god I’m so bored

I just realised this whole post is like an hour in the life of the brain of Jesse Hester

Wtf

What a title

Screw whatever title I gave this post

That is the official title now

It’s only been there-quarters-of-an-hour

Fuck

You’re only three-quarters the way through this post

Ha

Ha ha

Ha

Bored yet

Cause I sure am

I want cake

I want tea

I want dick

-s like Mr Fedora Guy to fuck off

Ow stop kicking me baa

I’ve decided to start implementing the Welsh grammar again baa

It was creative and fun baa

What popty ping don’t you like it Tom Jones

What’s not to like about it Tom Jones

I thought you loved reading everything in Welsh baa

I’ll try writing in real Welsh then

Helo

I love how the Autocorrect changed it to help

Literally what I’m thinking right now

Helo

Dwi'n Jesse ydw i

Stop trying to capitalise i

It’s a word not the English word

Why do we capitalise I by itself but not the letter A by itself

And why did my Autocorrect decide to keep that I upcapitalised

Questions

I have ten minutes to talk

Fuck I’m slowing down

Never

Capitalise the word never

Because I haven’t actually fully capitalised any words yet

What the fuck is this post

I don’t even fucking know anymore

This was supposed to be just a fun little thing to keep me occupied

But now

Now this is a legend

A legacy

I have seven minutes to keep this up

Even if I feel sleep I can’t give this up

I can’t give up the randomness

I can’t give up the bad grammar

And I will not

For the love of God

Give up the

God

Damn

Cake

Capitalise the word Cake for drama

I love how my autocorrect make cake a person

Cake

Like it’s a name or something

Well Cake is my cakefriend now

We’re official

Don’t worry The Wife™ we’re still legally married

Holy fuck five minutes guys

I honestly don’t know how to end this post

I feel like it should just go out on a bang

But I don’t want to spoil the structure by suddenly adding a gif is something

What can I say

What can I do

Omg so many choices

But non is good enough

God I feel like I’m choosing universities all over again

What am I talking about I only ever wanted to go to this uni

Fuck the others

Three minutes

Holy fuck

Holy mother of fucking

Mothers fuck

Sad but true truth

Ew

I don’t want to think about that

I legit shipped my mum with the sun about twenty minutes ago

Two minutes

Shit shit shit

What do to

What do fucking do

Oh don’t you dare kick me

No

No way

Ugh

What is my life

One minute

Omg

Omgggggggggg

Add as many adjectives beginning with G to that acronym

Jess I love you bae

😘

Love you forever!!! ❤

SEVEN MOTHER FUCKING O'CLOCK

[subjectsilver]

my psyche and wormy be ruthless sometimes.

originally i told myself that i was only going to use tumblr every sunday to log what has happened throughout the week or anything noticeable or note worthy but i literally need to type this right now because I'm losing my goddamn mind and on the verge of a panic attack...i can feel my chest tightening and my heart has such a “funny” feeling that isn't so funny so idk why they call it that... its like a light feeling like when u get light headed - i feel light hearted rn

the absolute worst part about my depression is that it literally just comes and goes whenever it wants. obviously theres things that help trigger it, a song a picture of my ex friends snapchats, any object that i can play connect the dots with back to a single thought that can disrupt my entire mental.

and it hit me tonight and it hit me hard and tonight I'm trying not to run away from it. I'm not going to go smoke cigarettes and listen to music until 5 am I'm trying to just type what is going on instead of like holding it into my head. or type something at least. the thing about it is that whenever it hits me, i always find a way to make it so much worse.... like i see just the right combination of words or objects to sink me or look at pictures of emma and even though i know its hurting me i continue to do it anyway....maybe its because in that moment I'm actually feeling something, she is making me feel something just like she use to in the past. i really valued that until i became too grey and numb and hopeless.

i feel like throwing up

i used “ex” up there and  makes me feel really uneasy i haven't used it very much at all mainly because i have to explain myself to anyone here and I've only told a few people what is going on with me. That was good thought because i have a friend named hank who went through some shit too so he kind of connects with me but still not a person i would talk to about shit...i don't really have anyone for that so i don't really know... sometimes i type it all and erase it, sometimes i make songs, sometimes i say it out laid sometimes i just cry.

i started taking prozac 3 days ago this will be the fourth, so hopefully that'll help  me. Im still underweight as fuck but oddly I'm comfortable with it bc i like the way my shirts feel and clothes fit, unfortunately i need to gain like 20 pounds if i want to exist on this soccer team which is kinda mad. I was going to suggest leaving wake because i don't really even care to play soccer rn. and i realized a while back that all i needed was in ohio... like i had the best friends the girl of my dreams and i could've had a 1st year internship paying between 40-70k at some health company under my step dad... its kinda shitty because its something i wanted to tell everyone and i would always think about how disappointed my dad would be and how supportive my mom would be but something told me not do make moves with any of it. its like the universe knew i was going to go through some shit. like it knew i was gonna get low and the perfect image of life i had in my head up. like bitch u thought you'd plant roots,,,nahhhhhhtttt  

i keep listening to this song on repeat

https://soundcloud.com/yvpoipoi/maxence-cyrin-where-is-my-mind

but the real is back the ville is back

i fucking hated listening to cole until like 2 weeks ago. it was so annoying listening to cole bc of hani playing it literally all the time. when things like that get annoying they because white noise to me. but recently i went through his 3 most recent projects and actually listened heavily to the words and that shit is crazy.

i also have been paying a lot of attention to jay z and beyonce. i guess jay z had an affair or some shit and ten he and “once” went back and forth on songs about it... but i read this quote by him where he was like “our relationship was built on top of lies, and i had to tear it down and build it back up again and it was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.” thats the kind of shit that gives me hope in the world of relationships. I've accepted that its probably false hope but ill hold onto anything the keeps me going at this point...

my suicidal thoughts haven't been present the last few days but i never know if and when those will come back. to be truthful I've been stacking up on things in my camera roll that give me up for when I'm feeling low.

the light hearted feeling has subsided, i just realized it. i kinda of ignore all grammatical practices when i write freely. i just go with my own language because i feel like its more personal ya know. someone i know annotates her own letters that she use to write me and i always loved that shit because i have so many side thoughts when i write as well.

luke christophers album finally came out and what do you know 5 of the songs had already been released and some like a year ago so its barely anything knew but it still has new music and bangers so i do appreciate the legend himself. after seeing his hair blonde on the cover idk if I'm going to keep growing my hair black or re-dye it. maybe ill keep it blonde until i feel like I'm above 80% better or something  right now i feel about -7% (if i could annotate that line id tell you that i originally wrote -7 person instead of percent then i autocorrected person then backspaced it to a symbol) 

the last few days I've felt really weak though and I've been sleeping a lot like two days ago i got like 11 hours and yesterday i got like 10 and I've been taking naps during the day. but I've constantly felt like I've had low blood sugar or that I've been dehydrated or something. i can't even make a fist and squeeze that hard.

its crazy because when i type anything about myself ever i just start tearing up for no reason...happy thoughts sad thoughts dark thoughts i could be writing about my microwave and be tearing up. and i do it a lot with emma or my best friends or my ex and ex best friends idk what anyone is to me anymore. been too focussed on trying to survive, which i feel is the correct selfish thing to do for once.

“don't give a fuck and they love you do give a fuck and they hate you - I'm always gone be there for you”

this man luke in onto something

its crazy that i will leave my phone in my room from 7:30 am to 7-8 at night and the only notification that ill get is “your phone hasn't been backed up in 57 weeks” or some shit like that. occasionally ill receive a random text from someone but its funny because sometimes on the inside ill be screaming like “PLEASE SOMEONE TALK TO ME” and then it happens and its like nah.. i thought i sent out an amber alert but really I'm sending out a batman bat symbol. i thought i needed anyone to talk to, but in reality i just need one singular person to talk to. that was my mistake, will always be my mistake but at least i recognize it now...just a little late there big guy.

having so much time to myself probably too much time to myself is really interesting...if you've ever thought that you've done real reflection, submerge yourself in complete loneliness and isolation and try again because its so much deeper. you think about everything. every individual relationship, every right every wrong multiple perspectives. you think about all of your problems and the root to your problems.  all of your mistakes why u caused these mistakes or what caused these mistakes. its actually really shitty because the bad will always stick out more than the good because the good is what is suppose to happen and the bad is the variable...variables get more attention than the constants i feel. deep down i don't think I'm a shitty human being.. even though i might think that a lot or hate myself...ik I'm only human and i can't be perfect and as much as id love for everyone to love me and me to not hurt anyone its more than likely unrealistic and it'll happen to me and already has happened to me and now i understand that and i will be more forgiving as i go on in life, the same forgiveness id want people to give me.

i use to think that everything had to work in reciprocality like for some reason i always thought everything should be equal all of the time..but i was extremely wrong, some people need more some people need less some people expect things and if they mean anything to you, the extra effort should hinder you or disrupt you...every human has a different way of looking at relationships and when those ways collide and don't add up it creates problem. I'm not saying people should give up in what they believe in but people should be less harsh about it... i know people who should be less harsh on me and i know people that i will be less harsh on and who i would be less harsh on if i could go back in time.

i tried to think about why I'm so afraid of butterflies and i can't really think of what happened along the way that got me here but i think the very root is the movie “butterfly effect” I'm also pretty sure they are remaking that movie into a 2018 version and ill probably go scare the fuck out of myself while seeing it.

my anxiety was gone until thinking about butterflies 

i tried to explain a fear of butterflies to this kid named mike and i sounded like an absolute idiot and then his response was “does this scare you” and it was the close up of a butterfly from this spongebob episode and i can't get it out of my head.... i think the video is called “wormy close up”

 fuck wormy

usually id think something so symmetrical was beautiful seeing has my old tendencies make me love symmetrically and i do things in that way like when i touch my feet to surfaces and shit bc i feel all neat and organized but i don't like that every butterfly ever is symmetrical as fuck...like show why what the hell. and i want to watch a video on it but i don't want to go into shock or some shit.

and they have wings that flap which is what i hate about bugs in general.

to be fair though i do like butterflies that have bright blue or white wings cus i use to see those a lot as a kid when my backyard was a golf course. but my vision of a butterfly with like brown wings and black borders gahhhh fuck that....id weather let a centipede crawl on me from head to toe than a butterfly land on me to put in in perspective. 

idk man i think this post has done for me what i thought it would do what i intended it to do...i have to be up in like 3 and a half wish hours then run for an hour then ill take a solid nap for like 5 hours or just sleep pt.2 but i must be going... until next time or sunday.

i love you

fuck wormy

goodnight