#tumblr is my last hope for my art lmaooo

[kunikuus]

oh hey porky . from the mother series . specifically mother 2 . also known as earthbound .

[cozmic-ash]

Gordon/Barney/Alyx is really really funny to me conceptually bc it's like, two hot geniuses in their 20s who look at the 40-something smartass who hangs around and go 'yeah that guy. we both want him carnally'

[keeps-ache]

2024's last digital piece !!

happy new yeeear!! this year i'm gonna try to work on my writing a bit more lol 💫

2021's last piece of art from me

happy new year, my resolution is to set timers so i drink more water✨

[djartzy]

✨| OPTICS LIKE THE STARS |✨

Holy crap!! Hi tumblr!! I haven’t posted here since what?? Halloween?? It’s so hard for me to manage posting on like 3-4 different sites so sorry if I keep disappearing!!! I will be posting a lot of art from last year since I neglected to post it then LMAOOO this is from back in September!! I freaking LOVE ELITA ooh she’s my bby my comfort character, she’s literally me chat!! Anyways hope you like! Posting more soon 💕✨

[ashe-stxr]

RIDDLEBIRD VN CGS 7/16

"Last time I was sent there for killing a cop, how long do you think they'd keep me there for killing the mayor?"

"Are you seriously threatening me right now?"

jesus christ. i always forget how bad my executive dysfunction gets when im hyperfixated on something. especially when what im hyperfixated on is a fandom so i just want to spend all my time scrolling through tumblr or tiktok just to see the silly guys my brain has decided to attach itself to. so that being said, i havent done that much work on the visual novel this month like i hoped. which again, SUCKS because i had this month off of work, which surprise, instead of being my most productive month of my year, the lack of structure only made me depressed and worsened my already bad life habits. luckily, my executive dysfunction also extends to posting art, so i actually have a few CGs to show off this week :]

but essentially what im getting at with all this is im kind of kicking myself right now because i was really hoping to get this first chapter out for playtesting in time for the one year anniversary of me starting this :// (or at the very least finishing the CGs) so right now i have absolutely no idea what next month is looking like in terms of progress while my motivation is kind of on standby for the time being while i try to wait out this hyperfixation (this happened in april/may of this year as well, and the months after were my most productive so crossing my fingers and hoping this happens this time as well !) i know that the standards ive set for myself dont actually exist outside of my head but i cant help but feeling awful about how this month went 😭

anyways, complaining to the void about my problems aside, this CG and the whole scene its in is very interesting !

writing arguments are really hard, so this scene was sorta pushed to the end in my writing process, but i think it turned out pretty well !! the funniest thing about the coward routes is that i wrote them side by side, so i would go from writing about these two having a nice heart to heart during dinner straight to ed making vague threats to oswalds life LMAOOO the emotional whiplash i went through was an experience unlike anything else ive gotten while writing

the final result of the CG ended up being 28 pictures/frames as well. which is still only the second biggest set in the first chapter,, the second half of this set i actually tried out something new by making it have a comic feel to it. i might have to make its own post for it, since i didnt want to clutter this one too much

[chibishortdeath]

Simon derangement page number um I lost count!!! Time to explain things and transcribe my handwriting lol >:3

I put a photo of the whole page here because some things were hard to single out into separate images :)

A pose study! I was trying to work on foreshortening with that arm position. Just imagine that he’s talking to someone off screen and sweating cause he’s been working out or something d(^^ )

Two of these are based on some reaction image doodles I ran into on Pinterest that I’m pretty certain originated on tumblr lol. The bottom left one says “*realization*” and the top right one says “deranged —>” with the arrow pointing to our Mr. Deranged in question, Simon. The Simon and Richter one is kinda poking fun at the general Smash Bros fandom depiction of them and is also based on a doodle I saw on Pinterest.

Bottom left says “he has 97 mental illnesses and is banned from most public spaces” lol. Dw! He is your friend! I just forgot to write that part :). I hope the tbh creature doodle is appreciated, I’ve drawn him like that more times than I’d like to admit—

This one is based on a photo of this guy (gotta be a Snapchat one idk I’ve never had Snapchat) with a monster energy and caption “KILL”. I think it fits the vibe.

Bottom left says “monsert!”, a silly bastardizarion of “monster”, again the energy drink. I feel like Simon would be the kind of guy to have caffeine at like 6PM and then wonder why he can’t sleep later lmao. Or worse have caffeine to avoid sleeping 💀. The other two doodles I drew because I woke up one morning and immediately imagined Simon with raccoon stripe hair for no reason.

This one is based on a tumblr post, it says “(Simon) the psychiatrist diagnosed me with divine madness” “(Christopher) any other diagnosises you’d like to share?” “(Simon) Autism”. That ending panel of Simon saying autism ended up a sticker in a discord server I’m in lmaooooo. Also I need to have more Simon and Christopher interactions cause I think they’d be friends aaaaa

The top doodle is based on a Simon MMD model I found of him as a Vocaloid and I thought that was hilarious and banger, we need more people making fun crossover stuff like that in the world lol. The bottom one is just him vibin(?). Idk he seems pretty distressed, but that’s his usual state so uh—

Another little pose doodle. I think his preferred sitting position is like criss cross applesauce on the floor. I don’t think he’d sit normally in chairs at all. I am now picturing him leaning a chair back too far help 💀.

This one is based on this meme that’s kinda poking fun at the art styles commonly found in yaoi with the last one being left blank for putting whatever you like there and implying in a comedic way that it’s ‘straight man yaoi’, I’ve seen ones with things like football players or idk Breaking Bad put there lol. Basically I saw the meme and realized that all the different styles kinda lined up too well with some Simon designs and well yeah this happened 💀💀💀. So we got Ayami Kojima’s design as “straight woman yaoi”, the NES cover art/X68000 as “gay man yaoi”, Simon’s Quest as “lesbian yaoi”, and Captain N thrown into “straight man yaoi” lmaooo.

Okie that’s all for this one, I will make more inevitably lol

[victorianvivisection]

Hey. I know that depression is a bitch and its voice is unbearably loud. I can't imagine what must have caused it to be so strong, although I relate to the feeling of worthlessness. I just wanted to tell you that, even though we don't speak very often, I consider you a friend. You *are* funny and I smile when I see you on my dash or in the tags. I also appreciate that you go out of your way to comment on my fics, the tags you left on my last one made me so very happy because you understood exactly what I was going for :) and yeah I'm also glad that we can talk about badwrong things without one judging the other! Speaking only for myself, it helps a lot with my insecurity.

All of this to say that I do care about you. I'm hugging you from a distance <3 please take care, okay? I hope this wave of self-loathing passes soon.

Hey hello I took a little sleep and uhhh idk I’m at least calm now… I can’t say I’m doing alright. I had a really bad breakdown in regard to my art in early to mid October and I’m just now getting back to where I was. And then recently I had my entire perspective of life and death changed and like it was a good change but that’s still… A lot to deal with.

Unfortunately my lack of motivation or whatever I’m experiencing has been an ongoing issue for a very very long time and I’m not sure what to do about it or what’s causing it… I think a lot of issues piling on top of each other. Depression, anxiety, executive dysfunction, perfectionist mindset… Apparently anemia can be contributing to this too??? Yeahhh btw I have chronic anemia <3 Plus some other issues that I’m not comfortable throwing out onto a public tumblr post

This was nice to wake up to though, I definitely needed the encouragement and just… Appreciation for the fact that I exist lmaooo…

Your work has done a lot for me tbh, with accepting that oh hey I was groomed and it really was that bad! Thanks Hector [Half sarcastic???] and accepting that these are things I enjoy for many different reason and I shouldn’t be ashamed of fiction.

Anyway yayyy hugs and friendship!!! I struggle to talk to people, especially people I don’t talk to regularly I feel like I need a good reason to message them specifically T~T but I’m very much open to talk whenever you’d like :3

Woof this is getting rambly be glad I’m starting to lose what I wanted to say because I probably would have written a novel by now

[callophelia-ailingamnemonic]

0 - THE FOOLS (Callisto Rosefsky & Cassiopeia Emily)

“The first card of the Major Arcana, The Fool is generally a positive card indicating new beginnings. If it appears in your readings it could mean that you are on the verge of an exciting, unexpected new adventure. Your new adventure will bring you along a path which may require you to make a leap of faith but you will grow as a result of this new experience. This new adventure could be a literal new adventure, like travelling to a place you’ve never been before. The change this card can bring will usually be a welcome one. While the Fool is generally a positive card, its appearance in a reading can also indicate that you need to take the time to look before you leap.” “As with the upright meaning, The Fool reversed signifies a new beginning. However, when reversed this Major Arcana trump card indicates that the beginning is something you may be reluctant to jump into. This new beginning is still coming either way! The Fool tarot card reversed can be an indication of living in the moment but also can be a sign that in your excitement you are behaving somewhat recklessly towards others. It can signify being irrational, lack of fun and lack of faith or hope.” -TheTarotGuide.com

—————————————————————————————————

OEIFNEWOEFEEFOWPEFE

I think just realized that I never posted this drawing on Tumblr oop xuu

This drawing was part of a series of drawings that I made for my final project for my senior year art class three years ago I believe. I posted it on my Instagram and Deviantart but forgot about Tumblr lmaooo

During that time, I was going through a serious tarot card art phase thanks to Persona 5, so for this project, I decided to create my own illustration for a few of the tarot cards

The characters I drew on this card were my mascot characters at the time, Cal and Emile, but as children to represent the beginning of their journey! Their colour palette is a little funky because I came up with it at the last second cuz I wanted them to wear warmer colours to sort of call back to a poem I've heard before; "Nothing Gold Can Stay" which is sort of like a symbolism for growing up and losing one's innocence, which is why Cal and Emile are standing on golden grounds and looking ahead at green mountains :)) That was my first time doing backgrounds in digital media, but I think it ages decently enough...

[prudereality]

OH that’s me thank u aether!!!!

1. Are you named after anyone?

by birth no but by trans tho? u best bet ur ass i am my IRL name is from an old OC of mine and my current tumblr name is from dragon age: inquisition. sera i love u

2. When was the last time you cried?

genuinely i think it was yesterday but i can’t remember. i cry at the drop of the hat and it happens every few days (sometimes for hours on end!)

3. Do you have kids?

god i hope not

4. What sports do you play/have you played?

undiagnosed chronic illness (during peak sports years)/un-athletic/asthma due to exercise gang rise up! i did karate briefly as a kid but nothing more than that bc a lot of sports r cardio based. nowadays i like yoga and lifting weights tho :3

5. Do you use sarcasm?

to my own detriment sometimes! and i will not stop

6. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

idk the most prominent thing? like. whatever sticks out the most it rlly depends on the place/timing

7. What’s your eye color?

my driver’s license says blue

8. Scary movie or happy endings?

happy endings :>

9. Any talents?

i don’t think so? ig i can wiggle my ears but i think that stopped being cool in like third grade

10. Where were you born?

WISCONSIN USA RAH!

11. What are your hobbies?

uh. uhhhh. uhhhhhhhhhhhh. long youtube video essays scrolling tumblr maybe baking? also since my partner has moved in i’ve been watching more tv/movies which has been nice!! other than that tho not much LMAO

12. Do you have any pets?

YEAH I DO! two pretty babies. skylar is a fat 15 year old retired siamese who mostly just wants to hang out with someone (and eat their food). lexi is the definition of a scaredy cat but we still love her and hopefully she’ll know that someday too

13. How tall are you?

also 5’ no inch short gang 4 lyfe‼️‼️

14. Favorite subject in school?

out of all of them? either my pencil art classes or japanese. out of core subjects? is recess still an option

15. What is your dream job?

i do not dream of labor. pay me money for existing please!

if u see this feel free to go for it i’m too scared to tag people LMAOOO

15 Questions for 15 People

Thank u @sp-ace-twinkk for the tag :] I love questionss

1. Are you named after anyone?

Locke is not anyones name as far as I knoooww but! My other name Connor I got from my own oc, someone asked me for my name one time and I thought they wanted my oc's name so I told them that, NEVER corrected them and it stuck (It's been seven yrs since then, I don't even talk to that person anymore)

2. When was the last time you cried?

Yesterday! I relistened to episode 61 of season 1 of dungeons and daddies

3. Do you have kids?

Nope, I have baby cousins but I don't really want my own

4. What sports do you play/have you played?

I used to love hockey and netball but my teachers never let me on any teams bc I suck at sports

5. Do you use sarcasm?

Very frequently but I'm also autistic so will almost always indicate if it is or not!

6. What's the first thing you notice about people?

Their most prominent colour, everyone is a colour to me, as in like hair colour, clothes colour ect

7. What's you're eye color?

Blue/grey, get told I have the blue eyed stare by friendsand family

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

I always prefer a happy ending bc movies give me adrenaline and if it ends poorly I crash, but I do love analogue horror

9. Any talents?

Perfect dolphin impression.

10. Where were you born?

Dorchester!

11. What are your hobbies?

Drawing, reading, playing dnd, cycling and feeding pigeons r the big ones, working on crochet and origami tho as well and started learning how to juggle recently!!

12. Do you have any pets?

Three cats, Zeus, Indie (Short for Indiana Jones) and Oscar Boscar, my sweet, sweet stupid boys

13. How tall are you?

5'7 I think?? I don't check

14. Favorite subject in school?

English and Psychology I looovvedd my psychology teacher in college

15. What is your dream job?

Currently about to go to art uni but eventually want to be a clown, therapist or farmer

Tag 15 people (No pressure! I offer thee): @itsbrucey @flowercrowns-n-punks @iersei @alexaatla @basicallyrj @maxwellamus @marbletheunworthy @paedenstigereye @raemeh @ike-mcswains-mortician @piss-wizard-ao3 @babacontainsmultitudes @guess-how-i-stole-this-body @chemicaleater @thedndgoblinwholivesinyourwalls

[spookyheaad]

The Interloper

@heavenlyborne @goldenshowman

So this is what I have waited months to share! I finally posted chapter 6 of Metanoia, which is titled “The Interloper”, which can be read here:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25217485/chapters/77235743

This is gonna be a pretty long post because I have a bunch of thoughts, notes, art, as well as video references to share, as I’ve been keeping this character under wraps for nearly a year. But I implore you to read on, because I’ve put a lot of research & personal time into Interloper’s creation, and it’s something (at this point is quite obvious) that I’m incredibly passionate about. Art and info are under the cut!

The Interloper was made for the fic to challenge Tesoro’s initial ways of thinking; how he saw himself as an untouchable god that could do no wrong. The Interloper is supposed to be a mirror image of Tesoro, another version of himself, even. All the worst parts of him that he bottled up inside of himself, expunged into his reality. Its main purpose? To inflict all the pain he personally experienced, and then dished out to others; to make him feel the pain he has made others feel firsthand.

I kept the character so closely hidden because I wanted it to be as jarring and “off the beaten path” as possible. Horror and analyzations of trauma are seldom explored in such a way in One Piece, and I wanted to change things up a little. Especially because a character that has such extreme and severe untreated trauma & mental illness because of said trauma, is something that is always downplayed because of the disturbing subject matter; and obviously as we all know, One Piece is a Shonen anime & it’s targeted audience are kids and teenagers, and we gotta keep the main content generally kid friendly for that reason.

The creation of Interloper stems from many inspirations & topics: from psychology & film all the way to the paranormal, and even sprinkling in a bit of my own experiences with trauma & how I used to personify it in art for myself. Trauma & bad memories/experiences I always characterized as this dark thin lanky shadow being with jet black skin, no features, and two wide, completely white eyes. I also personified it in such a way because entities in fictional media, and even some (supposedly) real paranormal findings that hold the same or similar characteristics terrify the shit out of me personally. I’m gonna try to outline this as neatly and concisely as possible because my head thinks faster than I can type.

Appearance & Inspirations:

Interloper is inspired (once again) by my own past interpretations of trauma & pain personified, as well as by some things that genuinely scare me; like body horror, death, and the decomposition/degradation of the human form.

I also had an interesting experience once, I consider it a paranormal experience, but it could’ve also been a bout of sleep paralysis, as I used to have them very frequently when I was younger:

I saw a good old shadow person standing over me, watching me; and then it made a motion as if it was going to hit me over the head with something. I flinched and covered my head in anticipation, and it disappeared. That event hasn’t left my mind regardless of it happening all the way back in middle school.

Shadow people freak me out, and the way they tend to look, or the way they’re depicted, as simplistic as it is, is very effective and terrifying.

A lot of that stuff has to do with Freud’s theory of “The Uncanny”, which is where the idea of “The Uncanny Valley” came from.

The uncanny is something that looks human, but is slightly off in some way. Or, it can mean something mentally within ourselves that we hide away, that eventually comes to light & frightens us. It’s things like doppelgängers, artificially intelligent robots, or computer generated images. I did some light research on the topic because of a film I heard about in winter 2020.

It’s a very unknown (at least to my knowledge it is) British psychological horror/thriller called Possum.

It’s about a disgraced teacher who created this massive and obscene looking spider puppet with a human head modeled after his own. The puppet is a physical personification of the main character’s deep trauma, stemming all the way back to his childhood. He tries throughout the film to destroy the puppet, but either has a hard time doing so, or the puppet somehow always comes back to him. Its essentially invincible and unkillable.

I’m not doing the film much justice with my descriptors, so I highly recommend this video by Ryan Hollinger, who analyzes the film in great detail; this video is how I discovered the film as well (ALSO: please read the original short story of the same name written by the same person who directed the film; Matthew Holness. It’s much more eerie and grotesque in its details):

When I heard about the film and how my take on portraying Tesoro’s trauma was so similar in nature to it, I had to do more research into the uncanny, and I went back to another piece of media, this one, more in the realm of the paranormal.

It’s another film, called Grave Encounters.

So this film fucked with me for the longest time, mainly because I saw the thumbnail for the trailer years ago in high school, at 3 AM, and it freaked me out so bad that to this day I still get the ick from seeing the screenshot. All the entities in the film are demons with elongated human features, and either have eyes that are totally white, no pupils, nothing; or, have two black voids for eyes. And all of them have fucked up gaping mouths.

Some lovely little examples of the Grave Encounters ghouls:

(This is the scene from the thumbnail for the first Grave Encounters movie that made me freak my shit 👆🏻)

These movies are campy & the effects are eh, but they’re good fun to watch; I’ve seen both “Grave Encounters” movies; and I heard recently that a third one is being planned.

Back to the next inspirations. I am heavily inspired by a lot of dark paintings & artwork, as my art and even my art style has always been.

A short list of artists that have influenced/inspired me:

H.R. Giger

Francis Bacon (in particular, his “Screaming Pope” piece)

Zidslaw Beksinski

Francisco Goya (in particular, his “Black Paintings”)

Oliver de Sagazan

And finally, the last major influence in the creation of Interloper:

The Orphan of Kos from “Bloodborne”. It’s one spooky ass motherfucker; it was another instance of the uncanny, because it’s a severely elongated, skeletal like figure (that also happens to move really fast). It’s a simple design, but effective, and with context to the Old Hunters DLC, good ol Lovecraftian lore.

Sometimes fear can be an excellent storyteller, as seen throughout the vast array of spectacular horror content from all countries; can be used to tackle serious topics like mental health, trauma, grief, death etc. horror is an excellent way to make us analyze what makes us tick, what makes us deeply uncomfortable; what metaphorical skeletons we have hiding in our closet.

If I want to be succinct, Interloper is literally Tesoro; it’s him. It’s Tesoro if he well and truly let go of every single speck of doubt that he shouldn’t be doing the things that he did: stealing, murder, swindling & slavery. It’s Tesoro if he were this true manifestation of pure evil. Someone without a conscience who could not care for any living thing on the planet. It is “The Monster of the New World.”

But because he had the mind to understand that his perceived worldview was wrong, violent, and extremely destructive, he was able to detach himself from this thing.

Interloper acts as a reminder at times, that what Tesoro did to many people, and what was done to him, cannot be reversed; and I chose to show that to him by both forcing Tesoro to witness a completely bastardized and mutilated version of himself, and also have said version of himself violently end his life in any dream it appears in.

As I said before, there is a mental health aspect to Interloper as well; it is so disfigured & bears next to no human characteristics, it is also an amalgamation of Tesoro’s deep trauma from his past; again having to do with seeing people die and be tortured in various ways right before his very eyes; then mirroring the celestial dragons and doing it to casino patrons.

It’s presence also feeds into Tesoro’s guilt, makes him weak and sick.

In a previous headcanon list I made for Tesoro I mentioned that he has PTSD & Depression with characteristics of psychosis. I made it as such because individuals with psychotic depression, or have severe enough depression, can sometimes hear or see auditory/visual hallucinations. I want Interloper to appear briefly in hallucinations, and as with these types of hallucinations, it attempts to get Tesoro to do bad things to himself.

(Majority of the information I have on this topic I asked my sister abt, because she used to have depression with these psychotic aspects. She used to hear breathing in her ear when no one was in the room with her, and heard voices that told her she wasn’t good enough/to unalive herself, etc. but she does not have any comirbid condition that causes hallucinations. Sometimes depression can get that severe & cause those things to happen. I’m going to try and research a little more as I go on tho.)

It’s supposed to enhance the guilt, to drive home the point that he was what he once ran away from. And every night, he gets to see his fucked up corpse brutally kill him; another heavy metaphor for his loss of humanity, the killing of the “self”, if you will.

I also wanted to make Interloper a part of Tesoro, because as Possum did quite effectively, trauma cannot just be thrown away and discarded. It can follow us around and haunt us. It’s important to absolutely separate oneself from their trauma, because ourselves and our trauma are not one in the same. If we try to bury it and let it fester, it will come back at us tenfold, and even make some act out negatively (like in Tesoro’s case). Interloper stalks and basically preys upon him, a nigh constant harassment; but the important thing is that Tesoro must realize that he is not Interloper. It may look like him, carry some of his characteristics, but because he separated himself from it, it’s not who he will become.

Thanks for reading if you made it down here ❤️I appreciate anyone who listened to me ramble on about this. I plan to start sharing the backlog of Interloper art that I’ve had on standby in the coming days; even have some time lapses of some of the pieces, as well as early renditions of Interloper, and a character development sheet! Definitely stay tuned!

[ericcartmn]

Y'know, after feeling low and overwhelmed for so long, I'm in a pretty good mood right now, and I figured I'd spread some of that positivity, just in case you've been feeling crappy too.

Let's start off with the day I met you.

It was Christmas break 2018. I hadn't got my blog just yet (that was Feb. 2019), so I was just a little helpless anonymous exploring the Eric Cartman tag on tumblr.

Then, I stumbled across your blog.

It literally changed my life.

I always thought I was weird for liking Cartman the way I did, overthinking every characteristic about him, and just in general fanboying (not in that way ofc, A:not gay, B:hes 10 lmfao) over someone who I originally when I started watching had a hatred for.

But you helped me realize that it's not so weird.

I had the courage to send my first anonymous ask.

The ask that started it all.

It's crazy to think had I not sent that, we wouldn't have started this friendship, and maybe I wouldn't be here on this site to this very day.

This friendship was the best Christmas gift I could've ever asked for.

We would communicate through anonymous asks, and lots of other things.

Then the day came in 2019 that I finally got my blog.

I quickly rushed to your blog, and sent my first message, and followed you instantly.

I followed a few other Cartman/SP blogs I came across too.

These past three years of our friendship have been so amazing.

Always getting off a boring and long day at school, but opening up my phone, and almost always seeing

"Ericcartmn just reblogged a post"

"Ericcartmn just posted a post"

Seeing that in my push notifications always brought a smile to my face.

And always seeing in my notes when I posted a new SP fic or fanart, that you reblogged it.

Seeing when a new episode would air, even after I quit watching, I loved seeing your opinions on the episode. I knew what was happening in the show simply because of your posts (and the wiki)

I love talking about politics with you, even if it isn't a common topic, it was always amazing.

I remember when the George Floyd situation happened last year, and you and I chatted about it for hours.

When the Capital Hill riots happened in January, while watching the news, I instantly messaged you, and I live chatted everything I saw, and that was huge.

When I first got into Modern Family, talking about that was memorable, even if you hadn't really seen much of it at all.

Talking about our lives, and the stresses of it.

I always loved hearing about your job, and talking about school.

Everything about this friendship has been nothing short of amazing.

You were the first online friend I ever met here on this hellsite, and it doesn't matter if we've never met in person, you've always been a real friend to me.

If you ever need someone to chat with, don't be afraid to shoot me a message.

Love you Jas,

-Zach/Killer

I literally cannot believe u remember how we met bro, I have the shittiest memory in the world!! But it means a lot that you went through all the trouble to talk to me, even on anon. GOD its so embarrassing how cringe i was back then (even now tbh lets be real lmao) But you stuck around and u def didnt have to. Thanks for always being here and liking, rbing, or even commenting on my stuff, esp my art. Id feel so low and then BOOM see a notification on my art blog from u, and im so bad at conveying my emotions, but i really do appreciate it. I hope things with you start to get easier, i know life can really suck, but it gets easier eventually, trust me im old as hell LOL

i know im always on and off and with my billion of sideblogs, i suck at checking my messages, but if u ever wanna chat u know where to find me :)

ALSO the fact that u use to have my notifications on.... RIP to your notifications lmaooo u a real one

[ayzrules]

✶ 𝐇𝐗𝐇 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐒: 𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 & 𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒, 𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐇 & 𝐃𝐀𝐌𝐍𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍   Long story short, I have been thinking about this for wayyyyy too long now and wanted to get some ~thoughts~ & analysis written down! This post is going to be...fairly long, lol. Apologies in advance :D

  Also, if you can’t see the last gif (the one for ‘holy’), click here. Tumblr keeps fucking up the image when i try to upload it :////

  This post is probably going to be about 2/3 yorknew & phantom troupe/kurapika focused, 1/3 chimera ants, maybe with some references to other arcs (including manga-only arcs) mixed in. so, ofc, tons of spoilers ahead! also, i realize that my blog theme is hard to read (and i’m p sure clicking ‘keep reading’ sends you to the og post itself), so i’m linking the post w/ full text copy/pasted in on my art backup side blog (which has a more legible font) here. 

✶ 𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐇   I’m sure absolutely nobody is surprised with me starting here - there is just. SO. MUCH. DEATH. in hxh. & right from the start, one thing I noticed that togashi really emphasized was the #4 and its connection to death. in japanese, chinese, and im p sure some other asian cultures the number 4 is pronounced like the word for death so it’s associated with death in general, and boy oh boy does the ‘deadly number 4′ thing show up E V E R Y W H E R E. we get to the hunter exam, and hisoka is applicant #44. kurapika is #404. i didn’t notice it at first, but this was so intentional holy shit. togashi is NOT SUBTLE.

  So pika & hisoka are, right off the bat, associated with death. okay. and then there are even more clues to drive the point home: hisoka is member #4 in the phantom troupe, kurapika’s birthday is april 4th (aka 4/4). 100% not a coincidence (!!). with hisoka, it’s pretty obvious why togashi’s throwing all this death 444444 stuff around - dude is a psycho murder pedo clown, literally gets off on killing people (and there’s also the fact that judas sits 4th from the left in the last supper painting, and he’s sort of the judas equivalent for the phantom troupe). with kurapika, though, it’s a bit more subtle and woven deeper into his characterization, which i LOVE. togashi puts the mans in blue & gold & white (traditionally ‘pure’ or ‘heavenly’ colors), makes him so fucking kind & so good-hearted.....when he’s not relentlessly pursuing his revenge, ofc. more on this in the next section, but pika = death. togashi has made that v v v clear.

  Backtracking a bit to hisoka, though, I also just wanted to point out the 4 is death symbolism in the fortunes too (GOD i love the fortunes): in one translation, he’s the false fourth moon, and in the og japanese (i think), he’s the false hare (4th in the lunar zodiac or w/e it’s called. i don’t know the japanese cultural influences here, but in the chinese legend that established the zodiac animals, they race across the heavenly river & the top 12 animals got zodiac slots. the hare finished 4th, so it’s #4 in the cycle). 

  And just as a final note, Tserriednich is the fourth prince of the kakin empire, and also another dude who has a hard-on for murder & other gory shit. again: togashi is not subtle with this, lmfao

✶ 𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐘, 𝐔𝐍𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐘   As probably everyone who’s gotten to yorknew knows, togashi is so 0 fucks given when he wants to be. I mean there’s the whole thing where he just. took New York and decided, Yorknew. LMFAO, but also, he made the main antag of that arc be named chrollo lucilfer, sit around in a ruined church, have a reversed cross coat, pale & dark-haired/dark-eyed, generally dressed in dark colors, very terrible murder guy. liiiike......chrollo x devil symbolism game is 1000/10 at this point lmaooo

  And i know absolutely nothing about christianity in general, but pt/kurapika & yorknew arc is just so full of christian imagery/symbolism! one thing that i L O O O O O O V E though is how togashi really blurs the traditional christian-coded good/evil, holy/damned boundaries.

  Back to kurapika: he wears gold and blue, his coloring is very stereotypically ‘angelic’, he’s precious and good and kind. his chains are all about ~judgment~ and ~healing~ - some of the chains are also in literal cross shapes, aren’t they? And the chain dagger in his own heart...the imagery is very startlingly similar to the immaculate heart of mary, where the swords stabbing thru the heart apparently represent seven sorrows. IDK much about this stuff other than the visual similarities; literally had to google ‘daggers through heart christianity?’ to even get the name of that thing LOL. anyway, at first, it seems like togashi establishes him as the ‘angel’, the ‘good’, the ‘holy’ in the angel/devil, good/evil, holy/damned dichotomy between him and chrollo.

  But that’s not the end of the story. his entire storyline is driven by a huuuuuuuge giant desire for vengeance, first of all, and then there’s the scarlet eyes, which canonically are seen as demonic/cursed/what have you (according to one of the movies or smth? where they show pika as a 10 y/o?), and then we also have red eyes in modern culture being associated w pretty much the same thing (vampires, anyone?). the fight scene with uvo has everything in b&w besides the blood on his face & his red eyes & the moon (<<< more fortune foreshadowing & symbolism, i love to see it), and there are tonssss of scenes where he has to suppress his rage. so all of that is obviously not very angelic of him i would say LOL. in fact, what i find super interesting is that the scarlet/red eyes (which are ‘demonic’) is actually the driving factor behind his super powerful nen abilities; this ties in so well with the fortunes & death associations imo! the fortunes call him the ‘death-bringer’ in one translation, or ‘half-angel, half-death’, so that’s one side of pika = red eyes = death, but there’s also the fact that emperor time is literally draining his life force. so pika = death for both himself and others namely the pt, question mark?

  Now for chrollo: togashi’s devil symbolism is EXTREMELY overt with him, but i love the subtler jesus references too. the church thing, obviously, and the st. peters cross which is cuz st peter respected jesus too much & didn’t think he was worthy to die in the same way as him (or something like that, i am the most atheist person in the world & hxh is literally my entire christian education pls) but is also used as an anti-christianity symbol these days. bandit’s secret looks like a bible, lbr, and mans has a cross tattoo.

  Other things beyond visuals - 12 spiders, 12 apostles; hisoka’s betrayal, where member #4 can be thought to correspond to judas sitting 4th from left at last supper. and this miiiiight be a bit of a stretch, but i think the meteor city being the place of origin may also play into the blurred line between angel/devil and holy/damned here; meteors are defined as space rocks that are in earth’s atmosphere, becoming incandescent in the process. meteorites are for the kinds that actually reach the ground. and idk, lucifer was cast out of heaven / sky too right? so i think there might be some subtle fallen angel imagery/symbolism playing into the pt as well

✶ 𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 (𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐃𝐀𝐑𝐊𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒)   Last section yay! i don’t have as much to say about this, besides when i was making chimera ant arc edits & realized that there might have been some subtle gon/meruem parallels???

  So obviously, everyone knows that line killua says to gon - “you are light” - and then i was just remembering that meruem’s name means.... “light that illuminates all” (!!!!). maybe it’s a coincidence, but knowing togashi, i’m leaning towards nahhhh. there HAS TO be some kinda meaning there (!!).

  Going back to the events of the chimera ant arc....ooh boy. let’s see: gon is optimistic & hopeful even in the face of kite potentially being dead, killua says he’s light, they find kite & dude is fucked up, gon is pissed. gets all angry & ~dark~, especially during the palace invasion when he’s staring pitou down as she fixes up komugi. then the actual fight against pitou: more darkness, more anger, but through it all there’s still light, namely his jajanken being very orange & fiery lookin.....and that final sequence, where he puts all his possible nen he’d ever have into his ~final form~ or wahtever & turns into a male version of true form!bisky but dressed in a crop top & short-shorts (i am SCARRED, btw. s c a r r e d !). there’s just huuuge flashes of light as that’s going on, and it reminded me of supernovas or dying stars when i was thinking about it, where the star is like, collapsing under its own weight? & burning thru its own fuel, until there’s nothing left except a dwarf or black hole or what have you. one final, extremely deadly burst of light & energy before death.

  On the meruem side of things: born into a dark cave, exhibits a traditionally evil/cruel/wicked/whatever personality/traits so that has ppl associating him with darkness. then he gets to know komugi, starts to appreciate other aspects of humanity, seems like he could have actually turned into a decent person who doesn’t want to eat everyone - so that’s a ‘path to light’, maybe? - and then the extermination team yeets themselves into the palace, netero takes him out to bumfuck nowhere, they fight. netero’s fighting is just ALL light, from his giant ass golden 100-type guanyin bodhisattva to the poor man’s rose. again, there’s the sense of finality to it all, in a similar vein to dying stars: netero comes in determined to kill meruem no matter what, and we all know netero doesn’t flake. then we see netero get destroyed after the zero hand, and he triggers the rose, and everything is burning & on fire before the flames are put out and all turns dark again.

  But wait!!! pouf & youpi revive meruem and all he does is play gungi with komugi, even with the poison of the rose. he eventually dies, and the gungi pieces in that final shot of them together (i am BAWLING just thinking about it holy shit) has one that’s all white, one that’s a black ring and white inside. i assume all white is for komugi, who has never done ANYTHING wrong in her LIFE, so i like to think that the 2nd one is for meruem - born “into darkness”, literally & figuratively, but he turns something like ‘good’ by the end. it’s interesting how togashi has sort of gone for a bit of a subversion here: the hero going from light to darkness, and the main antag from darkness to light.

✶ 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐂𝐋𝐔𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍   AahhhhHHHHHhhh so if you read all the way down here through my LONG rambles, tysm! i would LOVE LOVE LOVE to hear what other people think about all this, and i’ve FOR SURE missed tons and tons of stuff - chimera ants is just. SO MUCH. and i don’t know it as well as yorknew eeek.

  I’m not sure if i’m really ~knowledgeable~ in any other areas relating to hxh, so this might be the only one of these that i do, but i definitely think about some of this - esp all the religious symbolism & #4 stuff - a ton! so in the meantime, if it’s of any interest, i’m just going to shamelessly plug my hxh x religious beliefs/superstitions edit series :D lots of love to all!!!

[mrs-gauche]

Why try to imagine young Solas when you can always listen to German Solas for free?

Now I'm joking of course (and people seem to hate his German voice anyway), but seriously. He just sounds SO much younger in German, it's always so baffling to me!

Ok, unnecessarily long ramble about my thing with voices and Solas in different languages incoming, so I’ll put it under a cut. (Hope it works, still figuring Tumblr out.) 😌

So, being German, I actually first started playing DA in German.

With games, I usually do so for my first playthroughs, so that I can fully focus on the story first, without ever having to think twice about what is being said (I am confident in my English skills but it does happen with the type of language used in a medieval fantasy RPG like DA). Which also always gets me some disapproval from my brother, because he's one of those people who could never watch a dubbed movie or really anything in German, because he never finds it authentic or natural sounding and I totally understand that.

But I'm also a little voice fanatic in that I'm really interested in any voice acting in general and having to know every voice actor and all that and (oppose to popular opinion as far as I know) I always really liked and in some cases even loved the German voice cast for all the DA games (insert shameless promo here, I even did a compilation of DAI's complete party banter in German on YouTube as well as Solas' party banter specifically, which was a LOT of work, so if you're interested, check it out :D) and let me tell you, from what I've seen, I might be the only person on earth who actually doesn't hate Solas' German voice. lol

But then again, the very first scene of DAI that I ever saw in English was the final dialogue at the end of Trespasser (like, back then I played through the whole thing, only ever knowing the German voices and then after that last scene with Solas, I was so blown away that I was like "Ok, welp, that was so amazing, gotta switch to English now to watch it again!") and my. jaw. dropped. when I heard that voice. Like holy shit, it was almost like meeting a completely different person!

But it's also really interesting for me to see some people claiming that the only thing attracting you to Solas is his voice, when he didn't even have that voice when I first played it? lmao

I mean yes, I completely fell in love with his character all over again after hearing that GDL voice and that performance for the first time, but like.. he was my favorite character even before that, so.. I guess now I can claim to have been mainly drawn to him just because of his character? 😂 Although I do find his German voice to be pleasant too, with a certain softness and warmth to it that he shares with GDL imo and to give credit to the other VAs, it really is nearly impossible to translate that same velvet rythm that GDL has in English into another language, let alone the 'Halleluja' cadence thing.

So I totally understand that his German voice can be really off putting, especially for anyone who is used to English only, because it's just SO much different!

But that's also why I find it so interesting?

Because after comparing most of DA's voices in different languages (because that's what I do in my free time 😅) to me, every other companion sounds either similar in their range or has at least the same "age" to it?

But with Solas, he sounds SO much younger in German, whereas in French his voice is so much deeper. Which makes comparing his German voice to the French one even more baffling, because they are like two polar opposites of one spectrum!

This is especially hilarious to me when you listen to all his banter with Sera, where he tries to teach her about how to lead a rebellion, calls her a child and gives her all this advice, when in German, he sounds just as old as Sera if not even slightly younger than her. lmaooo

So that leaves me kind of wondering why BioWare chose such a different tone of voice in his case, given how big of a role he plays?

Especially since I've seen so many people seemingly confused about Solas' age by just his physical appearance alone.

Maybe I'm really overthinking this, but.. Could that be part of the reason why they would intentionally choose three so different tones of voices in his case? To keep his age intentionally vague and to underline this aspect of, what they described in his concept art as "ageless wisdom"? lol

[thinkingisadangerouspastime]

‘author’ self interview

thank you for the tag @itsmoonpeaches!! sorry im a few days late getting to it 😩

Name: thinkingisadangerouspastime / faerialchemist / amy

Fandoms: all of them, lmao? well, according to ffn:

Author has written 61 stories for Teen Titans, Fairy Tail, Fullmetal Alchemist, [redacted], Ouran High School Host Club, Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug & Cat Noir, Avengers, Dragon Prince, Good Omens, She-Ra and the Princesses of Power, Fruits Basket, Percy Jackson and the Olympians, Avatar: Last Airbender, Falcon and the Winter Soldier, and Winx Club.

right now, i am active(ish) in atla and the mcu as well as monk and medium, although those last two don’t really have fandoms (at least not large ones, lol)

Where do you post: faerialchemist on AO3 is where my better works are, lmao, but i also post on FFN, Wattpad, and Quotev under different handles. and when i remember, i try to promo my works on Tumblr, too!

Most popular multi-chapter fic: in terms of true multichapter fics (i.e. not a oneshot collection), No Ordinary Exchange wins for hits, kudos, everything. i think that can be attributed to the fact that a) it’s long, b) it’s complete, c) it’s rayllum (most popular tdp ship), and d) it’s a college!au (a popular trope in fandom overall). although tbh, i only have like one or two other true multichaps posted, one of which is incomplete and the other of which is half-focused on an extreme rarepair, so there’s not much competition 😂

Favorite story you’ve written so far: i am going to cheat and say my favorite fics i’ve written so far are the three in my why’d you have to go and make things so complicated? series. here’s the series “summary”:

A series of (mostly) Flash Thompson-centric fics set in a canon-divergent AU beginning after Spider-Man: Homecoming. Niche headcanons*, one-sided rivals to friends (to lovers), and Flash Thompson appreciation abound! 

*Headcanons I have pioneered so far: Flash Thompson has dyslexia, Flash Thompson likes art history, Flash Thompson likes origami. Stay tuned for more. ;)

basically, it’s 50k worth of fics (so far) that serve as a testament to how much i love mcu flash thompson 🥺💛 he deserves the world!!

Fic you were nervous to post: i was pretty nervous to post one of my more recent fics, actually! the fic is called Is This Love?, and i was nervous for a few different reasons:

- it’s half sambucky, which was fine bc sambucky is popular lmao, but it’s also half sarahmay, which is a sapphic rarepair i came up with between sarah wilson and may parker. the mcu fandom has a heavy preference for mlm pairings, so i was nervous by virtue of the fic being partially wlw-centric, but it all ended up being fine! i have converted so many people to sarahmay 😤

- the fic also features my demiromantic!sam headcanon. i myself am aspec but (maybe) not demiromantic, so i wanted my portrayal to be respectful, and as such i was nervous despite everything i’d looked into prior to writing and posting the fic, lol

- it’s a multichap. multichaps make me nervous solely because they are multiple chapters. adds stressTM 😂

How do you choose your titles: song lyrics, randomly coming up with them, a specific line/word used in the fic, and brainstorming with friends are probably the main ways!

Do you outline: sure do 😤 it varies from fic to fic, so some outlines are a detailed list of events in the appropriate order, while others are a more general idea of “here’s stuff i want to include,” lol. generally speaking, though, i always try to go in with some sort of plan!

Complete: all of my recent fics are complete! (although that’s bc i primarily write oneshots 😂) on ao3, i think i only have one fic that’s truly incomplete. (oneshot collections are a weird in-between, because they essentially are always complete unless i feel like adding to them.) on ffn, though, i have four incomplete fics, three of which are from middle school. i don’t think they will ever be finished 😩

Do you accept prompts: technically, yes! but my policy is that i am under no obligation to write any of them. i write fanfic for fun and as a stress reliever, so if im not inspired by a prompt, i am not going to stress myself out trying to write for it, lol

Upcoming story you’re most excited to write about: i actually just finished writing this story today (by hand, it’s not typed yet lmao), but im gonna let it count for this question anyways! it is probably the most self-indulgent fic i’ve ever written: a monk and medium crossover. that’s right, two fandoms absolutely no one in the world cares about but me. i wrote this fic solely bc it was something i wanted to read 😂 it is - if i counted correctly - 78 1/2 pages long, which is probably in the range of 30-35k words? once i type it up (in like,, december lmao) i’ll have more specifics, although the “patching” that occurs when i type handwritten drafts could push the word count closer to 40k. but who knows? time will tell!

anyways, im just so excited about this fic bc it has so many things i like lmaooo (examples: allison whump, joe x allison content, sharona being her wonderful self, and what i hope is an interesting murder mystery!)

Stories you’re most excited to read: literally anything and everything my friends are working on! off the top of my head: @shifuaang’s tysuki fic, @praetorqueenreyna’s dark!zukaang fic, @itsmoonpeaches’s fruits basket fic, and @ambivalentmarvel’s spider kids fic 🙌

i think a lot of my atla mutuals have been tagged to do this already, so tagging some marvel friends! (this is starkravinghazelnoots, btw 💛)

tagging: @ambivalentmarvel, @friendlyneighborhoodsecretary, @lunannex, @kalliopecosmos, @omg-just-peachy, and anyone else who wants to do this! just say i tagged you 💕

[huxianposts]

.

i’m hyped up on caffeine bc i have to work a long shift today but ive been a incorrigible insomniac with only 2 hours of sleep last night, and 3 the night before, and 2 the night before that (the past 3 years has been insomnia central who am i kidding). caffeine is making the latent anxiety rise like a mfer and now i’m debating everything. this is probs a symptom of depression increasing my isolating behavior but ive been thinking about deleting everything, from tumblr and all my social media-- everything. its like i don’t want people to know me anymore. there’s this great shame i feel at being perceived, at people knowing me, even by just a name, and it freaks me out. i want to create but i can’t seem to finish anything. that inability to complete projects may stem from the fear of perceived judgement of the final product-- therefore, my anxiety is rationalizing that not finishing anything will prevent that fear from materializing lmaooo fmllll it’s just frustrating. i have. so many things and ideas, and dreams that want to exist and become physical and i don’t have the skills to make it the way i envision it. i can’t give it the justice and care it deserves. again, irrational thinking, but it is almost paralyzing. my art is terrible, and my writing doesn’t fit the tone in my mind. i think, man, what is the point then. me creating, when i merely make it terrible. but it’s this terrible conundrum where if i create, i feel like dying, but if i don’t create, i also feel like dying, this feedback loop of shame and frustration that festers in me like mold, and i am just rot, there is no cure. i’m in grad school and the academic setting is giving me structure but the fear of the future and my own doubts of this major is smiting me bc would i have chosen this major if past trauma/events didnt happen? who would i be without the baggage? that fixation on the lost potential is wrecking me, because i am so empty, of personhood and anything worth existing. i don’t know how to regain things i’ve lost, and i can’t regain it, i know-- but it kills me to think that said lost was all of me, and the me now is this cheap subversion of pandora’s box where hope is out but the monsters stay inside and i am the container. granted i can say the monsters are the ideas and desire to create-- i should want to release them. but i am my own jailer, a cowardly one. a disappointing one. i can’t afford therapy at the moment, but the ironic part is that i’m getting a degree to become a therapist so that’s just a kick in the proverbial balls. i can’t talk about this anxiety to friends-- they’re busy, or they just don’t care. and i don’t think i can handle that blatant disregard, not when i am this unrecognizable. writing here feels a bit better though, so i am pleased in that regard.

[id-rather-be-an-outsider]

tagged by @lucypcvensie uwu thanks for putting up with my weirdo self ily <3

How tall are you? 5′2 

What color and style is your hair? lots of people say my hair’s a light brown, but hair stylists say it’s a dark blonde so I’ll trust their judgement // my hair’s curly

What color are your eyes? blue (with these little flecks of gold right around the irises, you can only see them if you look real close)

Do you wear glasses? I have glasses, don’t necessarily wear them all the time

Do you wear braces? I used to, but I developed root resorption and had to get them off early (spring of 2017) so now none of my teeth toouch except for in the very back :( makes it really hard to eat samiches (yes that’s how I like to spell sandwiches fight me)

What’s your fashion sense? so I don’t count most days as my fashion sense bc I wear athleisure ish allllllll the time out of laziness, but when I do make an effort I have two ends of things bc I’m androgynous. so on a day when I’m feeling more masculine you’re gonna see me in a sporty-type-look (spandex, just barely sagging joggers, a graphic tee, my gold chain and jordans, I usually pull my hair into a ponytail and lay my edges), but on a day when I feel more feminine you’re gonna see me in some tried-and-true type of clothes (cute shirt, leggings, heels, jewelry, makeup did, hair down and [hopefully] acting right), but on a day when I’m feeling in-between I’ll try to experiment or be “edgy” (basically mixing and matching or trying something I saw a celebrity do and thought was cute). regardless of any style I’m in, though, you’re always gonna see me with my nails done, whether that means I got acrylics on or that I painted them myself... just know. that’s how we do. and by we I mean me.

Full name? I won’t share my last name, but Eden Amaris (fun fact: amaris can be pronounced two ways!) Is my first and middle

When were you born? December 18, 1999

Where are you from and where do you live now? was born in Federal Way, WA but I consider myself to be from Tacoma, WA as I’ve spent all of my most important years there (early childhood + hs + uni). I now live in Tacoma.

What school do you go to? University of Washington

What kind of student are you? a fucking mess I’m quiet at first, but once I’m comfortable I’m rly talkative and answer so many questions that my teachers will literally stop calling on me unless if there’s no one else lmaooo, I’ve also had several classmates and teachers tell me I should be a teacher and surprise, surprise, I do want to be a teacher for some time

Do you like school? f-f-f-FUCK YEA I LIKE SCHOOL how is that even a question??? to take it down a couple notches, yes, I love school, whether it’s for sports or for learning, I’m always excited to come to school everyday wow what a frickin nerd amirite, frickin loser

Favorite subject? depends on my professor. at this point, I highkey hate all of my classes rn bc I don’t feel like I’m learning anything. that miiight also have something to do with depression and anxiety though so idk what to tell ya man

Favorite tv shows? not a super TV person, but I’m a thot for Steven Universe

Favorite movie? I love tf out of movies, my all time would have to be Dawn of the Planet of the Apes (I just pretend that WftPotA didn’t happen atm bc I hate sm of what happened in it), but in the last few days I’ve watched War Horse (I cried like a bitch lemme tell ya), Secretariat (didn’t cry like a bitch but got teary-eyed) and 42 (I did cry at certain parts but it’s kinda uplifting so ya know, wasn’t super sad) and they were all lovely so if you haven’t seen them yet, go watch them! They’re all free on Netflix

Favorite book? When I was little it was this book called Junket (that thing is older than my grandparents, good lordte), I think some of my favorites rn tho are Heartless by Marissa Meyer and Tales from the Perilous Realm by J.R.R. Tolkien

Favorite past time? a couple months ago you would’ve thought it was crying from how much I did that, but tbh it’s probably drawing, writing, reading, watching movies, listening to music, sewing, spending time/going on adventures with my friends and helping my friends with their lives. I KNOW THAT’S EVERYTHING BUT I CAN’T HELP IT REEEE my most favorite past time atm is helping my friend Charlie clean and organize his room and designing things for his business, also spending time with my favorite little niecey-poo in the WHOLE WORLD OMGOODNESS HERE IS A PICTURE OF HER BEAUTIFUL SELF I LOVE HER SM SHE IS THE SWEETEST MOST CUTEST AND FUNNIEST AND SMARTEST WITTO GIRL EVER AND I LOVE HER <3

Do you have regrets? boy oh boy, do I: taking so long to forgive my abuser (thx for destroying my childhood @ my biological father), procrastinating, not having enough self-love/worth/confidence, being complacent with so many of the friends I used to have, focusing so much on socializing in hs rather than my sports and my schoolwork, being so afraid to just be myself bc I knew most people don’t want to be friends with a weirdo, the list goes on, all I can do now is move past it though so... ohwell.

Dream job? oh SIS get ready for this: sooo I want to own my own business, known as LEAD Revitalization (L for Love, E for Equity, A for Advocacy, D for Diplomacy - these are the core values of my business), which aims to help revitalize underdeveloped and underserved ethnic communities in the US and around the world and fight against gentrification through implementing art of all mediums in or near historic locations in that community that is representative of the demographic living there (so if the area is a primarily black neighborhood, you’re gonna see art depicting black history and culture, and if the area is primarily Asian you’d see Asian history and culture). I won’t get too into it just bc that would make this post way too long, but if anyone’s interested or wants to hear more you can bml ;) like literally bc I’m passionate af about it so I will talk your head off for days on end if given the chance

Would you ever like to be married? yes

Would you like kids? yes

How many? two or three of my own (I’m hoping for a girl and a boy) just so I can have the experience of having kids, but once they’re grown and out of the house I would like to adopt more if I have the resources to. my cousin’s adopted, so like, idk. I think that if you can adopt a kid, you should, bc there’s so many of them just stuck in the foster system and that’s complete bs

Do you like shopping? yes but I usually don’t like getting myself things (unless if we’re talking groceries or something I actually need), I love to buy things for other ppl tho if I can

What countries have you visited? canada for like 3 days technically, I just went to Mt. Whistler for spring snowboarding (that shit hurted) with my aunt bc she paid for the whole thing and my passport

Scariest nightmare you have ever had? TRIGGER WARNING: DOMESTIC AND SEXUAL VIOLENCE - I had a nightmare awhile ago that this guy I used to be involved with raped me, I also used to have recurring nightmares after I stopped going to my biological father’s house for visitation where he would come searching for me trying to kill me and my older brother (he’s tried to kill me 3+ times sooo... it makes sense). so like. fun.

Any enemies? S A T A N and myself, or.... my brain, I guess. idk.

Self-doubt? you betcha

Any significant other? kinda? I’m currently fwb with my ex and still have feelings for him (oopsies), we split bc he was going through shit and needed to figure himself out, I’ve been close to him for a phat minute so I’m not really trippin about it. I also have crushes on other people, but nothing’s presented itself as something worth pursuing yet so. yakno.

Do you believe in miracles? lmao I would fuckin hope so, the very fact that I’m alive rn is a gd miracle so yea

How are you? I am so-so. If we’re just talking about today, I’m prolly fine, but if we’re talking long term, I’ve been going through it. I’m just trying to figure myself out atm, and it’s rough, but I’ll probably get there. My friends think I will, at least.

i tag: @crookedly-rainy @secretpatrolpiespy hi I don’t have any other friends on Tumblr so I tagged my friends from Amino Y E E T