#tumblr is a space i can curate for myself on the other hand

[coffeebanana]

One thing in regards to ml leaks and episodes airing out of order that I don't think I've seen anyone explicitly say is that alongside the fandom suffering in general, creators specifically see the effects of this. People have left the fandom over bible spoilers. People are no doubt avoiding fandom spaces or unfollowing people now to avoid even more spoilers. Personally, I've noticed a difference in ao3 engagement this season, both in the amount of content produced and the amount of people who seem to be reading fics. I can't speak for fanartists, but I'd imagine they might have seen similar trends with their numbers. And while some of that can probably be attributed to the normal fandom lifecycle, I'm certain that the bible leak played a role too. My point being, now is a time to reblog content you enjoy. Fanart, fic links, gifs, etc... Support your fandom creatives by reblogging, commenting, leaving likes and kudos. And please please please tag your posts accordingly and don't put spoilers in your rb tags--OP sees those.

[neverendingford]

.

[cerastes]

This is absolutely the Lack Of Reading Comprehension Website, but there's another issue I've noticed that I never see brought up, and it doesn't exist completely excised from lacking reading comprehension, but it's definitely it's own topic.

Tumblr's a Bad Faith Website as well. Like the above, it's not something exclusive to Tumblr, but it definitely defines it in my opinion. A lot of people want to be Right, and disagreements are seen by a bunch of people as something to "win" rather than something to "have". You'll have randos that frame their entire argument against you based on latching onto technicalities to try to prove why you are wrong rather than actually engage with your argument to try and propose something else or turn it around. As someone who was in a debate club during university, I call it "debate-poisoned people" who see arguments and conversations as a sport more than an interaction or, well, an actual conversation to be had, or in other words, that consider every argument as a debate to be had, when a lot of the time, it's not that deep fam, and also the other person never really agreed to play under your rules, because, here's the thing, a debate is a very specific kind of interaction. In a debate, bad faith interaction and trying to erase the very floor the other party is standing on is a valid tactic, it's part of the game. In a conversation or an argument, bad faith interaction and trying to erase the floor the other party is standing on gets you rightfully called a moron who cannot use inference or extrapolation to actually engage with the topic at hand. I had one such weirdo like a week or so ago, even, who used so many words to say absolutely nothing, that I thought I accidentally performed a digital necromantic ritual and had actually found myself face to face with the spirit of Jacques Lacan.

Even in more innocuous, non-hostile scenarios, this still applies: A lot of people are so, so eager to Be Correct On The Internet, that they'll reblog something with a correction or an opinion seemingly so hastily that they did not in fact read the entire post or comprehend it. This feeds into the lack of reading comprehension, but in my opinion, it does also have to do with seeing something that they believe they can correct, and immediately chomping at the bit to correct it without stopping for a second to ask themselves, "Did I read this right? Does this need correction?", and a lot of the time, it turns out, yes, you did not in fact need to correct it, you just had to read it a bit slower without letting your quickdraw hand get the best of you, cowboy. The way I consider this to be Bad Faith, even if it's not really hostile or confrontational, is the long-held belief that The Internet Is Inhabited By People Stupid Enough To Actually Think Or Say Something This Stupid.

I'll be real with you: Yeah, you've seen wild stories on the internet, plenty of them true, about how stupid people can be. No, they do not define the majority of people that aren't you. A wild, flabbergasting story about idiocy gets traction because it's funny and wild. We don't hear stories about how User A made a compelling argument that seemed stupid at first but then turned out that their rationale was incredibly sound as much, because that's not funny and wild and doesn't make us feel good about ourselves, because we'd never make such a stupid mistake. You aren't a sage wearing the floatie of wisdom in an ocean of idiots, no matter what your echo chamber and/or carefully curated internet space makes you think. You are not exempt from having to think about things, and you are not exempt from having to acknowledge people that know things you don't, people wiser than you are out there. This isn't "you are dumb as shit, actually", because I personally believe most people are smart, this is "you are being superficial and too eager to be Correct, which only works to your detriment in the long run and makes you a rather unlikable person".

It's as simple as engaging in good faith, even when you disagree or dislike the other party. Rip apart their arguments properly, instead of trying to disqualify them with cheap gotchas from the get go just because you want to own someone. Yes, sometimes people don't make sense, period, but that's absolutely not as common as people like to claim it happens. Inevitably, you'll run into someone that will actually call out your bullshit and there goes your entire argument. And in less intense settings, really, no one likes a pedant who really wants to be Correct on fucking Tumblr of all places.

[kahluah]

*puts hand up* sorry I’m very new here what’s the context with what’s happening with the tag war??

Alright, I will give my run down, but I will not be naming any blog names on either side even if I have the info and the action was net positive. I just like to use my blog to scroll and reblog for the most part and refuse to embroil myself in the drama more than just giving my view on it as a bystander. One that definitely has an opinion on the events, but also as someone who would rather curate my own experience than fight.

So all this fighting that is going on, it used to just happen in the normal "Jiang Cheng" tag because back then there was no "canon Jiang Cheng" tag; it had not been created yet. (By that I mean it was not a tag used as a tag, Tumblr's shitty search algorithm might still show posts if one typed it in to the search bar because those posts had the words 'canon', 'Jiang', and 'Cheng' in the tags separately, but there would not be posts with "#canon Jiang Cheng" because nobody normally creates a post with a tag like that when "#Jiang Cheng" was suffice. Sometimes I see irrelevant posts in the canon Jiang Cheng tag, but the actual tag isn't on the post, the tags just happen to have all three words in them. Those I ignore because that is Tumblr's fault, not the poster.)

The fighting was between people that like the character and prefer to see the good in him and the interpretation of his character, and those that may or may not like the character (just because you like a character does not mean you need to defend their every action after all) but do not share that opinion of his character and have a more neutral or negative portrayal by contrast. The former also tended to favor or have only read the novel as it is the source material for all other adaptations.

Now things really came to a head when hate and threats were being thrown about on posts that were just quotes from the book showing the negative actions of Jiang Cheng. The people posting the quotes were basically told "if you hate the character why don't you just tag the post as anti-JC?!" but is it really right to call those anti posts when they were posting how the character acts in the source material? That is the character. That is how he acted. Look it is in the book! The character really did that! It is not somebody's negative headcanon that the character may act like that, it is something the character actually did. Personally I can not consider that as an anti character post, and neither did the people who made posts like that.

But things did get heated enough that some people finally took a step back and said "Fine. You want us to make our own space to make these posts so that you do not have to see us talk about JC this way? We will. It will be #canon Jiang Cheng and you can block it if you don't want to see the posts." Was the name picked in the spirit of schadenfreude? Very probable, but it is also not an incorrect name as the people who wanted to use it base their opinion on the novel. But the point was that the tag was created so that people now had their own space to make the posts they wanted and those that did not want to see it could block the tag. Curate your own experience; we can block tags on this site for a reason and advertising tags to block is a courtesy. (Because as said previously, the search here sucks, because the posts contain the character's name they are still likely to show up in the main tag, but block the newly created tag and you will not see those posts either way). Could the other people come into the tag in good faith and make arguments with textual support? Yeah, that was welcomed, but in the spirit of debate they should expect rebuttal. Was that what happened? No.

No instead what happened was basically this meme

They did not like the name chosen for the tag. They read the novel too and still believe that JC is good, so they should be able to use the tag too! Never mind the fact that the tag was made so they could block the posts they didn't want to see. So that they can go on with their days no longer having to deal with the people they constantly fought with. No. Instead of curating the experience of this website, they would get so hung up on the fact that there was now a tag called #canon Jiang Cheng in use that they had to use it too to defend JC from the people that post 'negative' things about him; even if it is novel text!

So while the fighting didn't stop, it did get slightly better because not everyone felt the need to jump into the new tag to defend their fave. Some people actually did curate their experience. Plus there is a block button and people do use it, so things got to a point where I would say it was relatively stable even if there was still fights here and there. (But once again I lurk, I do not participate. Things may not have been the same for more outspoken people).

But then a certain muskrat bought Twitter and a chunk of the fandom there fled here. That's when the main push to "reclaim the tag" and the new influx of people hopping into the tag to argue and defend their fave appeared. These people did not know why the tag was made, they just saw blogs that they liked telling people about the "JC-antis" that made it and how with the new people pouring into the Tumblr fandom from twitter, they had a chance to flood it and reclaim it. And since then the fighting has not really stopped.

As for what has happened in the past few days, you have JC defenders flooding the tag with fan art (not canon), screen caps from CLQ (not canon), and screenshots of a sentence or two from the novel (canon, but usually out of context or lacking additional lines that go on to rebut what was previously said) in the tag and the people who made the tag for a specific purpose getting mad about the spam. (I block so I have no clue how big the influx was or whatever but there was definitely like at least 3 new people I had to block). So when they made posts venting the anger, you got JC defenders coming back to them and going "But I never sent any hate or harassment! I just used the tag to talk about the canon character!" And perhaps they didn't, but these people in their defense always ignore and never respond to the question of why they are in the tag instead of blocking it because that is what the tag was made for. Instead they come back with "Well if you want to talk about JC that way, why don't you post in the anti tag or make your own tag!"... Remember that meme picture I used above. Yup.

The tag war began because people did not like negative posts about JC in the main character tag for JC. When told to use the anti tag or make a new tag, a new tag was made, but instead of curating the experience the stans of JC got so tilted at the name of the tag that they decided that they would come into the tag and continue the fight instead of just blocking it. Twitter fallout made the fighting worse. And now we have come full circle to the JC stans once again telling people to just use the anti tag or make their own tag.

[hot-take-tournament]

Omg the reblog person is so real for that. I understand that Tumblr doesn't have an algorithm so liking doesn't functionally do anything but I get extremely anxious about reblogging so the guilt trips are really awful for me (and I assume it's the same for others with similar issues.)

Uh- bit of a tangent/rant below. For context I'm an "Audhd-er" (I think that's the term people use, it means I'm autistic and I have ADHD)

I understand most of the time they are over-exaggerating their feelings on the matter. In posts about reblogging stuff from writers and artists it's always kind of a "LIKES DO NOTHING SHOW YOUR LOVE WITH REBLOGS LIKES MEAN NOTHING"

I've always found that a bit odd. As someone with two mutuals (one of whom is rarely online) and 1 normal follower my reblogs really aren't gonna do much so I mostly reblog stuff my mutuals might like and occasionally make my own posts. (Keeping everything else private for the most part) When I get a like it always brings a warm fuzzy feeling because it means someone enjoyed my reblog or post enough to share with me that they liked it.

I've only had one post that breached containment and it was a fun weekend of checking out the blogs of people who liked it! All in all I think maybe people are just unaware of the anxieties that come with being online and the people who experience those anxieties are too anxious to really speak up about it. I mean look at me I'm chilling behind an anon mask rn (I rarely send an off anon ask lol.)

For a website dubbed by its users as the neurodivergent website, some people forget to consider that learning and working within the culture of a social media platform can be extremely stressful for many types of people, let alone an autistic person such as myself (the ADHD doesn't help either). Some of us would prefer to lurk in our private blogs, only coming out of our comfort zone when we feel ok to do so.

All in all, a reminder to reblog is perfectly fine, but please refrain from the guilt-tripping and social obligation type of thing— or at least be aware of it and try not to be offended if one of your mutuals struggles to reblog.

Now this is all my personal perspective, other people will likely have completely different experiences but I wanted to share in case people were confused on why it's an issue for some people. Thanks for reading this whole thing and I hope you have a lovely day <3

I think I get what you're saying -

For a lot of people it genuinely takes a surprising amount of guts to put themselves out there on the internet in any way, even if it's anonymously, and that includes things as simple as reblogging a post.

It's not just Tumblr either. You also see it on Reddit and Twitter, and in online games where people just want to keep to themselves and not interact with strangers. Some people just want to lurk, maybe liking or upvoting, but not commenting or reblogging, because that feels like making yourself more "visible" somehow, in a way simply liking posts doesn't.

It's difficult to put into words, but I feel it's kind of like being in a university lecture with 50+ strangers. Liking is sitting in the back quietly taking notes. Reblogging is like putting your hand up and giving an opinion when the professor asks for one.

It's true that only reblogging actually contributes anything functionally, but there are plenty of people, especially neurodivergent people, who might struggle with that kind of thing, but still want to show some appreciation, or just save it as a bookmark.

So, I think that's partly why that kind of guilt-tripping or threatening reblog bait can be so stressful. Tumblr is a comfort app for a lot of people, who just want to curate their own little private space. Reblog baits are like someone banging on your door, telling you that you're actively doing something wrong by keeping to yourself, and (in the case of "I'll block/unfollow you if you like/read but don't reblog" baits) people will hate you for doing it.

It also implicitly takes away the sense of control you have over your own personal online space. Ideally, you should be able to do whatever you want with your own blog - no one should dictate your own online experience. So, if you just want to reblog things you like or want to share, at whatever pace you feel comfortable with, there shouldn't be anything wrong with that.

But reblog baits seem to suggest that you shouldn't have that control, and there are certain things that you have no choice but to put on your blog, and it has to be right now. And I feel that sense of having control suddenly snatched away from you without warning could also be a major source of anxiety for a lot of people who see Tumblr as a source of comfort.

With all that in mind, while I do believe that it's not quite this simple, considering artists and writers, and especially those who rely on commissions, do need exposure from reblogs, I also feel it's difficult to blame people for finding very aggressive reblog baits stressful, especially when you're suddenly blindsided with them.

At least, those are just my initial thoughts based on what you said, but absolutely let me know if you disagree with any of this or feel I misrepresented what you meant <3

[ofmermaidstories]

hi merms, i hope you’re doing great. i’m sorry if this is different from your usual asks but i wanted to ask you, since you are literally blog goals, but how can i be more like you and enjoy my own blog? i love how you’re so free in your own space and express yourself, and you’re just full of happiness and all the bright, good things. going to your blog always makes me smile. its like you spread joy and warmth so easily. is it weird i feel more at home with your blog 😭 i wish i could enjoy my blog too, but sometimes drama makes the experience un-fun, like mean anons, or worse, your own readers constantly putting you in weird competition with your own writer friends over things you and your friends never even noticed before. i know the easy answer is to just ignore the haters and enjoy writing, and i really love writing, but its hard sometimes. i wish i could make my blog feel as homey as yours. visiting your page is like comin home to fresh hot chocolate after a long day of work 💐 thats all luv, sending you lots of love always 🌸

oh anon. i’m sorry. 🥺 i am sitting with you and we will piece this out together though, okay? 🧩 it’s hard! i’ve actually been feeling kind of dejected, lately, like with tumblr in general and my usage of it—because i haven’t been using it like i used to! so i guess that’s the first thing: to figure out what you want out of it, and then figure out what it takes to make it happen. for me i enjoy this place most when i’m treating it like a scrapbook: quotes or pictures that inspire me, asks, things i doodle. the pros of that: you fill your space with stuff you love, or that means something to you! the cons: it can be a little isolating if the stuff you love, or the things that mean something to you, aren’t like… current writing or posting trends, lmao. but it all just depends on what you value! 🥺 i’m not a fast writer, and tend to favour long-term projects, so while it sometimes makes me sad when i fall out of the loop of things, ultimately i just accept (or try to) that that’s how i work in this space. 🥹 as mama cass said, sometimes you just gotta make your own kinda music.

drama makes everything boring! and tbh i think my biggest cheat with that is that i only follow a relatively small amount of x reader blogs. 🥹 that’s not intentional; i curate a pretty strict feed based on my other interests, though, so there ends up being a lot of competition for my attention. 🥺 the pros of this is that i tend to miss most discourse that happens (lmao). the con is that i tend to miss everything else, too, though. 🥹 you basically have to choose whichever bothers you less lmfaooo. and even then—drama or meanness or plain old weirdness will still find it’s way to you. 🥺 i think that’s just the unforch reality of being on social media. especially in a niche that’s so… driven by something as personal as literally self-inserting, and dependant on the validation of others. 🥺 i’m sorry people have made you feel like you’re in competition with your friends! it sucks, because i think we as writers like… live in our own heads, lmao. we know so much about the worlds and characters we’re trying to write. but people outside of our heads don’t—think the same way! 🥺 they will draw comparisons where maybe we don’t want them to. 🥺 i think that’s a natural response, tbh; especially if they love something, and see work with like, a similar theme or tropes, but despite it being a compliment it doesn’t always feel great. 🥹 i guess the only advice (and reminder, for myself) i can offer is that you and your friends aren’t in competition—but rather thrown into the same maze together. 🥺 the only way out is to hold hands to make sure none of you get lost, and walk through. 🥹

anon!!! 🥺 i hope you find a way to make your blog feel more homely. you’re always welcome here—the door’s always open for the sunlight and the bees—but i want you to feel like the important part of the neighbourhood you are! 🥺 and safe enough that you can leave your door open, too. 🪟🎐🌾

[paperlovesadness]

I'm sitting outside in the sun in wet jeans - following advice on how to stretch denim to better fit you - making breathing room for myself and my thighs who are hated by jean sizing everywhere - and I'm getting sappy about Tumblr and fangirling and this community of lovely, unapologetically excited people I've met here.

This is something not many will probably read (long posts can be tough, I get it) - it just kind of all spilled I guess? Incoherently but with passion. So why not set it free when it's already here.

You see - I can't help but credit Tumblr as this huge part of my inner child healing journey. And particularly the girlhood part of it all.

Subconsciously & even consciously I've felt so so ashamed of these "girly" sides of me all my life. Especially in their "prime time" of my tween and teen years. I'd love things secretly - or at most - talk about them only after loudly labelling them as "guilty pleasures" (quite a terrible concept) or acting like it's all done with a tinge of self-aware irony.

But being a hopeless romantic; loving your favorite characters with your whole being; squealing over your favorite music and the musicians who make it; talking about your favorite songs and lyrics and photos; drawing, editing, making fanart of things that make your heart sore; sharing your fantasies and dreams; crying about quotes and big ideas; writing stories - those are all such beautiful things.

I've immersed myself back in the worlds of blogging and fanfiction and musical fangirling and... In many ways I haven't felt this good since I was a kid - still untouched by society and it's shaming of the endless supply of passion I had in me towards the things I loved.

And fangirls are a force. Fangirls are what made the music industry what it is. They're who discovered the Beatles and Leonard Cohen and Frank Sinatra and David Bowie - amongst so many others - and when they did the hard work - only then was it all taken over and appropriated by men who claimed only they can "truly and objectively" appreciate it.

It's girls - bright, unapologetically excited, passionate girls who care for pretty things and things with a soul and things with a story, with romantic connotations - girls who love to curate aesthetically pleasing landscapes and spaces around themselves - it's those girls who contributed hugely to an actual analogue photography and vinyl pressing revival & re-popularization.

I'm in my late twenties. I've only recently let myself pierce my ears and start wearing makeup sometimes. And care openly about my appearance and fashion choices. It's very much still all queer coded and slightly gender-mixed. Because that's me. But caring about these things has always been categorized as a "girl thing" = therefore = shameful, shallow, not something to be proud of.

I'm continuously curing my incredibly hurtful and internally misogynistic complex of "not being like other girls". There are still biases and automatic-judgements I'm fighting on the daily. But it's become so much clearer and easier to do so.

Im more ways than one I want to be exactly like other girls. I want to grab the hands of all the fangirls around this site and dance with them in a circle and tell them they look great whatever they choose to look like and I want to sit down in a meadow and make flower crowns together and squeal over our favorite things.

And to be clear I'm not saying be girly. I'm saying embrace you inner girlhood.

And that could be so many things. Just... Never be ashamed of the parts of it that society deems shallow and embarrassing or worthless.

And just... Thank you for being girlies with me 💗

(girlies & girls as usual used as more of a state of my mind and being; not a strictly gendered term. This applies in all, most or many ways to queer people & of course non-binary and trans experiences).

[toomanythoughts2]

do you consider yourself proship

Hi Anon. 👋

So, I'm going to be as specific as I can to answer this question so as to not misconstrue anything.

I do not follow the "Proship/Antiship" discourse as I believe it does more harm than good for the fandom at large.

I have watched from the sidelines what it has done to fandom on Tumblr, Twitter, Tiktok, and Instagram. This type of discourse has alienated, harmed, and scared genuine fans away from fandom. From what I have witnessed, I believe that this type of discourse has caused major harassment issues within fandom under the guise of good intentions. While the identifiers at first might have started off as something positive (A way to quickly pinpoint which blogs you'll mostly likely get along with based on shipping preferences), I do believe that is has turned itself into a tool to harm people. This does not mean that anyone who labels themselves Pro/Anti harm people or participate in the discourse itself, but that the discourse surrounding the identities have caused major issues. Whether or not you believe that to be true, understand that this is from my perspective.

I do not consider myself either one of these titles. I'm never going to label myself as one of them. As someone who has been here since before the "Mishapocalyse" of 2013, I have watched fandom literally evolve with the new generations. I have watched trends rise and fall, edits about different presidential elections starting with Obama, I've witnessed the creation of "Nice shoe laces." "Thanks I got them from the president." I have learned a thing or two about fandom, how it grows and changes and shifts.

And I have also learned how to curate, support, and ignore to create a safe space for myself in fandom.

As my pinned post states, I believe in a "Ship and Let Ship" mindset. I do not tolerate hate or bullying. If you want to label me as something, you can label me as "Anti-Harassment". Or, you can label me as "Pro-Blocking." I firmly believe in curating your fandom space around the blogs and people you enjoy listening to, enjoy looking at, and enjoy involving yourself with. For every fandom space I enter into, I always tell people what I'm about and if they don't enjoy that, then I always tell them to please block me. There is no point in being unhappy or being annoyed by my presence in your fandom space. I have also done the same thing, where if a person writes out what they're about and I don't like it, I block them. I've been a Season 1, Izzy Hands stan on Twitter before. I know exactly how to curate my fandom space.

Life is much too short to not block blogs that you don't like. Fandom space is what you make of it.

I do not condone shipping harassment, anon hate, bullying, or doxing. I do not believe in stalking blogs or screenshotting posts to edit them or dog-piling. I do not think it is valuable to spend our precious free time (less of which you have the more you grow) hating and harassing others about ships that you may not like or agree with. If you don't like something or if you don't agree with it, block that blog. You deserve to have a safe place within fandom that makes you happy.

This is not to say that I like or agree with every ship I encounter. There are plenty of ships in plenty of fandoms I have been a part of that I didn't or don't like. Not once though, have I ever harassed or harmed a person over a ship. I learned how to curate my space so that I wouldn't see these ships. Blocking and black listing tags helped me avoid certain areas of fandom. For that, I created positive and rich online spaces where I could grow and enjoy my part of the fandom. These spaces were the best parts of my childhood.

This doesn't mean I can't stop liking a ship once I got into it. Many ships that I once shipped as a child or a teenager (or hell, even last week), I can look back on and go, "Oh, actually, maybe I don't like this after all." I am allowed to grow and change my mind on certain ships the older I get. All people are allowed to change their minds.

Anon, my blog here is simply to have fun, write my little posts, and put up my crudely done art. The Metalocalypse fandom has been incredibly kind to me these last couple of months, especially as a new fan of the show. I truly have so much fun every time I log on here and look at the engagement within the tags. I have not been on Tumblr in a long time so to see such an active community, a kind and thoughtful community at that, it fills me with happiness. I forgot how much fun creating and being a part of a fandom community like this can be. I enjoy creating and talking and learning and sharing and laughing with others about our silly little band. I am eternally grateful for every bit of engagement within the community, no matter how small or large.

Anon, I would not enjoy my life on Tumblr nearly as much if I did not curate it that way.

I am 26 years old, Anon. As an American woman, I have a good 53~ years left in me before I croak, less than that if I am unable to get healthcare. I simply do not want to waste a moment of my free time worrying or getting upset about things I can not change or ships I don't like. Especially not when there is so much more to the fandom that I do like, that I love. I want to spend my time surrounded by a community that I enjoy being around and enjoys having me around.

My dear Anon, I will not label myself as either one of these identities. At any time that you look at my blog and do not enjoy my presence, I implore you to block me. Curate the space that you want based on their presence in the community, not by an identifying marker.

I'm sorry if this isn't the answer you're looking for but, to me, it's my honest answer to your question. Have a good day, Anon.

Ok, bye, love you <3

Tl;dr: Love what you love. Block what you don't. Enjoy your life. Curate your fandom space.

[northern-passage]

everytime youre on my tl, you’re seemingly fighting for your life or ranting

so just wanted to say hoping you take care cause great heavens

i don't really know what to say to this but yeah i am aware of the state of this blog - unfortunately it's all but devolved into a space where im just dealing with constant harassment so it's not very elegant or fun at the moment. i do my best to ignore it and i feel embarrassed every time i have to respond to stuff on here like that but it's about the only interaction i get currently and it's just frustrating and exhausting. despite how it may seem i actually try to avoid directly talking about it or publishing certain asks because again it's extremely embarrassing and this is a game dev blog where i would love to just talk about my game, but i know i struggle with handling it and it can be obvious if/when i'm having a difficult time and i'm overwhelmed. as much as i try to keep this blog more "professional" i know my frustration and anger is still very apparent in some of my posts; sometimes i feel like i want to be transparent about it and that's usually when i do make those posts addressing certain things wanting to bring attention to it and the community. but i also know that it can be just as frustrating seeing it second hand through my blog, especially when you are just here for game content, and i don't blame people for being annoyed about it.

i do think some of the discussions i've had on this blog previously have been interesting and really positive, so i don't necessarily regret it completely. this isn't a personal blog, but neither is it "professional" by any means (it's tumblr lmfao) and i'm not trying to be - i like having it as a way to be more personable and have nice interactions with readers and other authors, it's been invaluable irt receiving good feedback, but i also like having good faith discussions with the community and talking about various things that are important to me. so... i don't know what i'm trying to say here; basically, i am aware of how i come across, and it is something i know i need to be better about, especially on a blog that is meant to be focused on my work. but i also don't feel the need to completely compromise myself or my opinions for this community's approval, either - and to be clear, i'm under no delusion that i am better than anyone else for this; this is just how i've personally chosen to curate my space, for better or worse.

i do appreciate the nice messages i have received recently, i don't publish a lot of those either simply because it makes me feel uncomfortable to respond to them publicly... but i am grateful for them. with an update coming very soon i am hopeful that this blog will see more positive interaction and i'm excited to share it with all of you again. thank you for all the kind words, thank you for supporting me even through these rough patches, and i really do mean it when i say i appreciate it all very much.

[sinelanguage]

and for the museum of the day i was Considerably more excited for: the National Museum of Modern Art!! splitting this into two parts for my sanity, main exhibit first

one thing that impressed me about this museum was the overall presentation of descriptions used. a lot of art museums will present some information and context to the piece, but the national museum specifically tried to encourage people to read the text (metaphorically) and engage in Thoughts. it was pretty neat to look at a piece then see what specific emphasize the museum curator wanted to put on something.

For example, Nakanishi Natsuyuki’s piece Compact Object was described like this:

Fish bones, a rubber ball, a clock, seashells, hair.. this egg-shaped object seems to be packed with the contents of a garbage can. Or is it a time capsule, capturing a fleeting moment during a certain era? Nakanishi staged performances by bringing these clusters of everyday objects into public spaces, such as in the streets and on trains. His intent seems to have been to carry a microcosm of the world in his hands rather than to produce a sculpture that sits on a pedestal.

which, imo, does a decent job at explaining the intent but also promoting people to think about the intent going into objects on a level a bit further than just “here’s what this means.” this was pretty consistent in the museum’s presentation, which I really appreciated.

The other thing I thought was incredibly funny was this fucking. diary entry they had on display. keep in mind i was dead on my feet in this museum writing down notes to post to my tumblr blog and then read kishida ryusei’s diary from 1923:

Woke up around 10 o clock with a slight headache. Not surprising since i was up unttl three last night talking with Senge [Motomaro] and others, and that's why I overslept. Took a bath after breakfast. Got on the 1:49 pm train to Tokyo and then a taxi to Shintomiza. The play was about to start. My seat was excellent. Sendai Hagi is a famous kabuki play, but it was the first time I had actually seen it. The scenes performed were: the Bamboo Room, Cooking Rice, Under the Floor, The Showdown, The Scar. All of these were fascinating. I's not often these days that l immerse myself as deeply in kabuki as I did this time.

me, two museums in, feeling a profound kinship with this artist from a century ago writing a diary entry about his hang over but going to tokyo for three plays. as i write notes in my phone about art. incredible.

For actual pieces though there were quite a few:

Kayama Mayazo, Waves in Spring and Autumn thought this piece had a lot of really neat spins on some classic imagery (mountains, seasonal trees, waves/water). I especially liked the details of the waves breaking— the waves themselves were this even, looping/fluid lines but the edges were crashing with noisy scribbles

Komaki Gentaro, Bricks and a Squirrel: this is one of those “can’t explain myself”. the bricks had a very weird wood grain pattern, paired with a squirrel in this frightening black orb, completely surrounded. sometimes ur just a squirrel in an orb

Nomiyama Gyoji, The Withered: i like organic things in weird, inorganic messes. this was like, a rat king but with branches, and it was confusing to look at. enjoyed it a lot.

Kodama Yasue, ambient light - sakura: this is exactly what it says on the tin but for what it is it works really well. it’s just the impression of looking up at Sakura blossoms through sunlight, and man is it effective at it. I think in person this works better just for the size and detail of it- it captures the feeling of looking up through foliage very well and was very pretty to boot

Takanashi Yutaka, Hongo: Mansada Parlor, 6-17-1 Hongo, Bunkyo-ku from Machi imo all of takanashi’s photos had this very lived in quality to them, like a photo taken of a place that feels deeply familiar and like home. The collection overall has these deep colors and contrasts with mundane settings and a large amount of visual objects/interest, so it made the feel of the piece really nice (photos here)

overall: really solid, probably doesn’t beat the contemporary art museum but that’s just because my taste is what it is. for an art museum though, i really appreciated the approach and curation

[constellaris-a]

i feel the need to kinda stress this to people as of late,  because i know there are some people who go about blocking others if they haven’t heard anything from them in like, a week.

as someone on the autism spectrum,  with social anxiety, borderline personality disorder  and  chronic fatigue,  keeping up regular social interactions is  extremely  difficult.  more often than not i am fighting with myself just to say hello on any given day,  i have so many people to try and keep up with,  so many things that need my attention outside of tumblr,  outside of the internet as a whole.  it feels ...  kind of unfair to demand people give you the time of day when you don’t know what’s going on with them at every given moment.

you can be friends with someone,  write with someone,  without needing to hear from them all the time.  on one hand,  please don’t misunderstand  -  everyone has their comfort with things and i’m all for people curating their own spaces to feel content.  i’m not here trying to tell people how they should run things or demanding people change their own rules.  that isn’t the point in the slightest.  i guess more than anything,  i just kind of wanted to put forth that,  at least in my eyes,  putting time gated requirements to remain mutuals or writing partners feels ...  well it doesn’t feel right.  that’s kind of all i guess.

[madsway]

AN INDEPENDENT PORTRAYAL OF MADISON CLARK FROM AMC'S FEAR THE WALKING DEAD, WITH AN EMPHASIS ON (OTHER) APOCALYPTIC SETTINGS INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO THE WALKING DEAD UNIVERSE IN ITS ENTIRETY. HEAVILY HEADCANON BASED. TWENTY1+ ONLY. BY BRI, 27, SHE/HER. AFFILIATED WITH JOEY’S JAKE OTTO AND CHRIS MANAWA (MAINS).

SLIDES ARE CURRENTLY A (WIP). THIS BLOG IS SET TO MEDIUM ACTIVITY. TRIGGER HEAVY, WITH THEMES OF DEATH, MURDER, THE TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS OF SUFFERING AND STAINED PALMS WILL BE FEATURED AMONG OTHERS. FOLLOW AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION.

GENERAL RULES - will be moved to slides once completed.

001. i do not claim the rights to any media found on this blog. i am not apart of amc or fear the walking dead nor do i have any hand in the creation of madison's character as a whole. what i do take pride in, however, is my portrayal therefore i'm making it known that i do not tolerate stealing of any kind. while i don't think i'll have an issue with this — i have in the past so i like to get it out of the way. if you do steal from me, i'll approach privately.

002. i do not follow everyone back. i've been on tumblr for many years now and have learned how best to curate a space for myself that i am happy to be in. it would be a disservice not only to myself but to everyone if i acted as though i could keep up with a quick moving dash by interacting with every single person. for the most part, i tend to follow people back within twenty four hours if i can see us writing together. otherwise i do make sure to softblock unless rules state you'd prefer to be hardblocked to avoid confusion. 003. if you support or condone racism, homophobia, transphobia, white-washing, suicide baiting, bullying or bigotry of any kind i will immediately block you. this also goes for zionists. we have nothing in common and i do not want that energy in my space. this is your one and only warning. 004. in terms of callout culture: i do not partake in it just for the sake of it. i typically do not reblog or engage with callout posts, but if someone is actively harmful to the community as a whole then of course that's different. i'm not interested in watching anyone to try to chase somebody out of a community simply because they don't like them. i am an adult with a mind of her own who can make decisions for herself. just because i don't interact doesn't mean i don't see it nor does it mean i'm supporting or not supporting it. 005. lastly, but certainly not least: i'm still currently watching ftwd for the first time (as of posting this i am on 3x15 but.... that will change quickly lmao) just fyi

[p0v2snsitive4thintnet]

𝕭𝖗𝖆𝖎𝖓 𝕯𝖚𝖒𝖕 #3

Who am I speaking as? Where am I speaking from? 

I think I have to say this in order for this project to feel genuine. I have been struggling with my femininity a lot in the last couple of weeks and months.

I enjoy being in this world of pinkness and glitter where its all about lipgloss and how much you can gloat inside your bedroom - I relate to this experience a lot. Especially when I’m thinking of my early twenties. Maybe I could have needed some of the girlblogger memes back than, to have an outlet for all these overwhelming emotions I felt and did not know where to put. Would I have realised how this is a very common experience with many living the white, privileged girl life? And would I’ve been able to laugh about it / learn about the nuances of this experience and by that be empowered to own and live my life with more consciousness and space for ambivalence? 

Probably not… But we will never know. 

Nevertheless a lot has changed since then. It doesn’t feel like as if I am rejecting my girlness right now. I just distanced myself from it a little. I still enjoy saving, curating and working with girlblogger and girlie materials but are they still a genuine part of my identity? Doesn’t feel like it. Maybe that’s also why I connect girlhood with nostalgia and past feelings rather than with what my experience is right now. I understand perfectly what these memes are communicating, but I can’t claim to still be in a situation where I am completely immersed in their vibe.

On the other hand, the political implications they are opening up, affect me very much until this day. I am after all a female-identifying person and my appearance reflects that still very much. 

So where am I speaking from? 

Probably as a veteran of “the girl online”. As someone who grew up with the internet and blogs and myspace and Tumblr and was always hoping for something like “girlbloggers” to come up. This project is probably also a way for me to relate to and make up with my younger self. Forgive her for everything that happened that is and was connected to the experience of girlhood and that is still loaded with a lot of self-shaming for me until this day. Maybe by creating this girlblogger content I can finally make piece with my girlie girl inside me and move on. 

[merge-conflict]

Asking you a bunch for the fic writer asks (since I'm on lunch and I'm not sure when I'll be back)

3, 14, 17, 22, 23, 25 plz :>

ty for the ask!! I love answering so many questions >:3 questions here

3. how you feel about your current WIP

good! I always have several WIP but I'm thinking of the most recent one I'm working on where goro is going to do a little impromptu strip tease for valentine while she's internally making the dialup noise. extremely satisfying, even when they're disgustingly sweet and horny to each other.

14. where do you get your inspiration?

mostly just idle thoughts, which is to say I don't always know what my inspiration is until after I've done it and re-watched/re-read some piece of media and go oh.

most frequently it's from books that I've read. the ancillary justice series, the elemental logic books, the locked tomb, a memory called empire. sometimes from a drama tv series like ozark, killing eve, or mad men. not usually one for one, but the intense emotional beats will be there! if it's a book it's generally scifi/fantasy, if it's tv it's usually some kind of insane work drama.

17. talk about your writing and editing process

heh. I supposed I do some outlining, but that outline usually only exists in my head. if I do write down an outline it's generally for a chapter, and usually it's the first iteration which means I don't follow it at all for the final product. I think I've been asked this question twice so for this one I'll talk about oneshots (or serial oneshots like ffor). usually it's something like:

get a flash of action or dialog for a scene that want to expand

write 5-6 paragraphs of waaaaay too much exposition to figure out the location, time, and characters present. all of that musing on background motivations, setting of a boring scene, pondering what everyone is up to before the interesting bit starts happening. I write it all down or I'm liable to forget it.

cut those paragraphs entirely once the initial work is done (to another file so I can reference as needed), efficiently covering all the relevant bits of story or scene making in 1/5 of the original space

write some awkward waaaaaay too "character lifted their hand. they rubbed at their chin. they moved their hand to character b's shoulder. they said words."

take several stabs at the initial premise, deleting none, but scrolling down the page and working from a different pov or slightly different setting

ad-hoc workhorse sentences while drafting, and then deliberately change those sentences to something that flows a little more and elides unnecessary explanation

whenever I get stuck leave myself a little note in place of a phrase or sentence like

[aimed those big gray pleading eyes at him]

[mocking her with the tone.]

fill in all those gaps later at later review, when my brain is less stuck in a hole about how to word these kinds of things which is less important than just capturing their energy

once the structure of the story is there, figure out what the main takeaway and recurring motif is and read through to figure out how to emphasize it and cut out extraneous details

review review review for grammar and punchiness and readability. cut my darlings which do not add to the central theme.

post it and instantly see 3-4 obvious issues that I need to fix

22. do you ever worry about public reaction to what you’re writing? how do you get past that?

yes. all the time. usually about trans and related queer identity stuff– I've never gotten any push back but I often hold myself to some harsh internal review worrying about whether something could be seen as "too much" or "bad rep" regardless of how I personally consider respectability politics. so far I think my stuff has been too niche for anyone to be offended but I'm sure if I wandered outside of my beautiful curated tumblr ecosystem I could find the hostile commentary I hear in my head.

so far I've done okay just probing at the edges of what I want to do and slowly creeping out past that. I'd like to be more blasé about it but i'm still working my way there. pretty sure i'm given a pass by being less obvious with an enby character who still goes by her agab pronouns so it's easy for folks to ignore. whatever. can't think about it too much.

23. pick three keywords that describe your writing

playful, sharp, indulgent

25. besides writing, what are your other hobbies?

answered this one already I think, but currently my other hobbies are wip pending better circumstances. knitting, bird and bug watching, baguette baking I think are some of the ones I've mentioned before (too lazy to check). I extremely need to pick up at least *some* sort of tactile handicraft soon. :3

[fozmeadows]

race & culture in fandom

For the past decade, English language fanwriting culture post the days of LiveJournal and Strikethrough has been hugely shaped by a handful of megafandoms that exploded across AO3 and tumblr – I’m talking Supernatural, Teen Wolf, Dr Who, the MCU, Harry Potter, Star Wars, BBC Sherlock – which have all been overwhelmingly white. I don’t mean in terms of the fans themselves, although whiteness also figures prominently in said fandoms: I mean that the source materials themselves feature very few POC, and the ones who are there tended to be done dirty by the creators.

Periodically, this has led POC in fandom to point out, extremely reasonably, that even where non-white characters do get central roles in various media properties, they’re often overlooked by fandom at large, such that the popular focus stays primarily on the white characters. Sometimes this happened (it was argued) because the POC characters were secondary to begin with and as such attracted less fan devotion (although this has never stopped fandoms from picking a random white gremlin from the background cast and elevating them to the status of Fave); at other times, however, there has been a clear trend of sidelining POC leads in favour of white alternatives (as per Finn, Poe and Rose Tico being edged out in Star Wars shipping by Hux, Kylo and Rey). I mention this, not to demonize individuals whose preferred ships happen to involve white characters, but to point out the collective impact these trends can have on POC in fandom spaces: it’s not bad to ship what you ship, but that doesn’t mean there’s no utility in analysing what’s popular and why through a racial lens.

All this being so, it feels increasingly salient that fanwriting culture as exists right now developed under the influence and in the shadow of these white-dominated fandoms – specifically, the taboo against criticizing or critiquing fics for any reason. Certainly, there’s a hell of a lot of value to Don’t Like, Don’t Read as a general policy, especially when it comes to the darker, kinkier side of ficwriting, and whether the context is professional or recreational, offering someone direct, unsolicited feedback on their writing style is a dick move. But on the flipside, the anti-criticism culture in fanwriting has consistently worked against fans of colour who speak out about racist tropes, fan ignorance and hurtful portrayals of living cultures. Voicing anything negative about works created for free is seen as violating a core rule of ficwriting culture – but as that culture has been foundationally shaped by white fandoms, white characters and, overwhelmingly, white ideas about what’s allowed and what isn’t, we ought to consider that all critical contexts are not created equal.

Right now, the rise of C-drama (and K-drama, and J-drama) fandoms is seeing a surge of white creators – myself included – writing fics for fandoms in which no white people exist, and where the cultural context which informs the canon is different to western norms. Which isn’t to say that no popular fandoms focused on POC have existed before now – K-pop RPF and anime fandoms, for example, have been big for a while. But with the success of The Untamed, more western fans are investing in stories whose plots, references, characterization and settings are so fundamentally rooted in real Chinese history and living Chinese culture that it’s not really possible to write around it. And yet, inevitably, too many in fandom are trying to do just that, treating respect for Chinese culture or an attempt to understand it as optional extras – because surely, fandom shouldn’t feel like work. If you’re writing something for free, on your own time, for your own pleasure, why should anyone else get to demand that you research the subject matter first?

Because it matters, is the short answer. Because race and culture are not made-up things like lightsabers and werewolves that you can alter, mock or misunderstand without the risk of hurting or marginalizing actual real people – and because, quite frankly, we already know that fandom is capable of drawing lines in the sand where it chooses. When Brony culture first reared its head (hah), the online fandom for My Little Pony – which, like the other fandoms we’re discussing here, is overwhelmingly female – was initially welcoming. It felt like progress, that so many straight men could identify with such a feminine show; a potential sign that maybe, we were finally leaving the era of mainstream hypermasculine fandom bullshit behind, at least in this one arena. And then, in pretty much the blink of an eye, things got overwhelmingly bad. Artists drawing hardcorn porn didn’t tag their works as adult, leading to those images flooding the public search results for a children’s show. Women were edged out of their own spaces. Bronies got aggressive, posting harsh, ugly criticism of artists whose gijinka interpretations of the Mane Six as humans were deemed insufficiently fuckable.

The resulting fandom conflict was deeply unpleasant, but in the end, the verdict was laid down loud and clear: if you cannot comport yourself like a decent fucking person – if your base mode of engagement within a fandom is to coopt it from the original audience and declare it newly cool only because you’re into it now; if you do not, at the very least, attempt to understand and respect the original context so as to engage appropriately (in this case, by acknowledging that the media you’re consuming was foundational to many women who were there before you and is still consumed by minors, and tagging your goddamn porn) – then the rest of fandom will treat you like a social biohazard, and rightly so.

Here’s the thing, fellow white people: when it comes to C-drama fandoms and other non-white, non-western properties? We are the Bronies.

Not, I hasten to add, in terms of toxic fuckery – though if we don’t get our collective shit together, I’m not taking that darkest timeline off the table. What I mean is that, by virtue of the whiteminding which, both consciously and unconsciously, has shaped current fan culture, particularly in terms of ficwriting conventions, we’re collectively acting as though we’re the primary audience for narratives that weren’t actually made with us in mind, being hostile dicks to Chinese and Chinese diaspora fans when they take the time to point out what we’re getting wrong. We’re bristling because we’ve conceived of ficwriting as a place wherein No Criticism Occurs without questioning how this culture, while valuable in some respects, also serves to uphold, excuse and perpetuate microaggresions and other forms of racism, lashing out or falling back on passive aggression when POC, quite understandably, talk about how they’re sick and tired of our bullshit.

An analogy: one of the most helpful and important tags on AO3 is the one for homophobia, not just because it allows readers to brace for or opt out of reading content they might find distressing, but because it lets the reader know that the writer knows what homophobia is, and is employing it deliberately. When this concept is tagged, I – like many others – often feel more able to read about it than I do when it crops up in untagged works of commercial fiction, film or TV, because I don’t have to worry that the author thinks what they’re depicting is okay. I can say definitively, “yes, the author knows this is messed up, but has elected to tell a messed up story, a fact that will be obvious to anyone who reads this,” instead of worrying that someone will see a fucked up story blind and think “oh, I guess that’s fine.” The contextual framing matters, is the point – which is why it’s so jarring and unpleasant on those rare occasions when I do stumble on a fic whose author has legitimately mistaken homophobic microaggressions for cute banter. This is why, in a ficwriting culture that otherwise aggressively dislikes criticism, the request to tag for a certain thing – while still sometimes fraught – is generally permitted: it helps everyone to have a good time and to curate their fan experience appropriately.

But when white and/or western fans fail to educate ourselves about race, culture and the history of other countries and proceed to deploy that ignorance in our writing, we’re not tagging for racism as a thing we’ve explored deliberately; we’re just being ignorant at best and hateful at worst, which means fans of colour don’t know to avoid or brace for the content of those works until they get hit in the face with microaggresions and/or outright racism. Instead, the burden is placed on them to navigate a minefield not of their creation: which fans can be trusted to write respectfully? Who, if they make an error, will listen and apologise if the error is explained? Who, if lived experience, personal translations or cultural insights are shared, can be counted on to acknowledge those contributions rather than taking sole credit? Too often, fans of colour are being made to feel like guests in their own house, while white fans act like a tone-policing HOA.

Point being: fandom and ficwriting cultures as they currently exist badly need to confront the implicit acceptance of racism and cultural bias that underlies a lot of community rules about engagement and criticism, and that needs to start with white and western fans. We don’t want to be the new Bronies, guys. We need to do better.  

[neon-junkie]

Hey everyone,

This will be my final post addressing the fandom conflict that has quite frankly gotten out of hand. Although it’s very likely this post will be picked apart, no matter how well intended it is, I will no longer be addressing, interacting, or responding to any further accusations made against me. Of course, if people have questions from a genuine place of interest, I will be happy to clarify anything for you, either via DM’s or non-anon asks. I will not be answering anonymous asks on this, as I do not want anything else posted on this topic. 

As a side note: For anyone tempted to wade into the debate, I sincerely ask you not to get involved. Do not make yourself a target, do not feel you need to ‘pick a side’, and please do not think you have an obligation to reason with either side. It seems to be well past the point of that, so please find people you get along with in this fandom and curate a space for yourself away from all this conflict.

Warning: This post will contain uncensored slurs, mentions of racism, paedophilia, transphobia, LGBTQ+ phobia, death threats, threats of violence, targeted harassment, and abusive language.

To start off, I want to apologise to everyone who has somehow gotten drawn into this mess by either defending me, following me, or interacting with my content. This whole situation with me began well over a year ago when I wrote a crack-smut fic featuring Javier/Micah, posted back in August 2019. A crack fic is defined as “a work of fan fiction that is absurd, surprising or ridiculous, often intentionally.” It was inspired by a camp interaction between Micah and Javier, and like many other fanfiction writers, I decided to write smut about it. The fic was titled ‘Dirty Fucking Greaser’, and if that shocks you, I’m sure you can imagine how shocked I was to be informed afterwards that ‘Greaser’ was in fact a very serious 19th century slur for a Mexican individual. My first encounter with this word as insult was via RDR2, where it was used like a very casual insult. My only prior knowledge of this term was in regards to the greasers youth subculture, so the severity was lost on me. This obviously does not excuse my ignorance, and I should have researched the term better, but this is just again to apologize for that oversight, the insensitivity, and to highlight that my use of this term was not meant maliciously. Following this being pointed out, I proceeded to make 3 separate apology posts [Unfortunately I can only find the third one: HERE], renamed the fic, and added slur warnings in both the tags and the fic description. When I continued to receive complaints and increasingly aggressive abuse (which included being told my apologies weren’t good enough and I should delete my account and even kill myself), I attempted to delete the fic and mistakenly abandoned it instead. I contacted AO3 to see if it could be removed, but they said there was nothing they could do. I contacted their DMCA takedown team, who also said they couldn't remove it. Please note that all this happened 7-8 months ago, and has been dragged on for almost a year. 

So, from this one unfortunate incident, I’ve been branded a racist, and someone who attacks POC, when all I have done is tried to defend myself and correct my past mistakes. I could have done this more gracefully in the past, but frankly when you’re suddenly the target of unrelenting callout posts and nasty anons, it’s very hard to be open to criticism of this sort, but this is what I’m trying to move past.

Over the course of the year, this one mistake has spiralled, and the crusade against me has somehow coincided with moral conflicts over certain characters and ships. This has devolved into dehumanizing abuse, witch hunts, death threats, doxxing, anon hate, and much more unpleasant behaviour.

I have been in fandom for a very long time, and at the heart of all fandom circles is the fear of censorship and subsequent purges, so the ‘ship and let ship’ mentality was more or less the pinnacle of fandom philosophy. And yes, this can be problematic in some contexts. People have their right to be uncomfortable with content, have a right to be offended by content, but that is not content meant for you. This argument has devolved into ‘what material is morally right to engage with’ and that is a mentality in which fandom will not survive, because for every person who is telling me I’m an awful person for writing about Micah, there are three other people telling me how much they appreciate me making that content. For every fic in which I characterize Javier and Flaco a certain way, some people are made uncomfortable by it and others tell me they enjoy it. And this isn’t just white people, but POC too, which makes it very difficult to know whether I am genuinely in the right or the wrong, especially when it comes to the concept of ‘fetishization’ which I have been made aware I need to educate myself on. I intend to do so, but I disagree with the common accusation that finding non-white men romantically and sexually attractive is inherently fetishistic and makes me racist. It’s pushing a catch-22; don’t find POC sexually attractive? Racist. Find POC sexually attractive? Racist.

I am always willing to be (politely) approached about anything my readers may be concerned about, but if it’s something I’ve specifically tagged for (such as themes, scenarios, etc.) I’m afraid you consented to reading it and with that I cannot help you. You are just as responsible for curating your space and what you see/read just as much as I am responsible for tagging it appropriately.  

On the topic of racism, I want to bring up my prior use of ‘white racism’ which has obviously been a point of contention among both white and people of colour. The (literal) black vs white concept of racism is incredibly American-centric, and as someone from Europe, which has a history of oppression against white cultures and those of people of colour, it feels inaccurate. However, this has recently been discussed with me and I came to the realization that while growing up, especially in the UK, ‘xenophobia’ and ‘racism’ were marketed as one and the same. So, with this little revelation in mind, I will no longer be using ‘white racism’ (Or ‘reverse racism’) to identify the abuse I have been receiving, but will instead call it by what it really is; dehumanizing, debasing, xenophobic, puritanical.   

Very briefly, I will also touch on the NewAustin situation, which has also been dredged into this. I did not ‘chase a POC from tumblr’. NA was a minor who for some reason was on my 18+ blog and took issue with me, likely from the ongoing discourse regarding my fic and initial mistake, as well as my interest in Micah. They were subsequently harassed into deleting their account by anonymous hate following various conflicts with other users for their support of me or their ships in general. I have never encouraged my followers to target anyone, and have always asked to be blocked and blacklisted by those who do not like me or my content. When NewAustin messaged me following the deletion of their blog, I was admittedly indifferent to the point of being unkind, and accused them of sending the hate themselves. This was based on the anon hate being racially-driven without there being any prior knowledge or publication that NA was a person of colour. This aside, I should have at the time, whether I believed it was my followers or not, condemned this behaviour. Regardless of the issues I’ve had with these people, it is never ever ok to send hate to anyone, no matter the motivation behind it, and that should have been stated at the time.

All I can do at this point is acknowledged and apologize for my past mistakes, and try to improve myself going forward.  

It is not my place to dictate the morals of the character/ship-aspect of this argument, and I am not interested in waging a war of opinion. This post is simply to clarify how I am involved in this, and why I am so viscerally targeted. You can draw your own conclusions, but I am no longer interested in this endless back and forth.

To my mutuals/followers, I stand by my request to not interact and to block and move on, as this is what I’ll be doing too.

Thank you for taking the time to read this, and I hope it makes things from my perspective a little clearer.

-RAT <3

EDIT: Just after this post was made, the fic in question was finally removed. I had to go through a DMCA take down, which can take months, since I originally abandoned the fic, thinking that meant delete. I explain this in more detail above. Said fic is gone, and has been gone since this post has been around.