#tumblr had issues with the video so have gifs instead

[aquareegia]

casually giving Ivy a neck massage during his solo

[moonlightspencie]

Help Me Hold on to You

Description: Ted and the reader struggle with balancing mental health and everyday life. (Based on The Archer by Taylor Swift)

Pairing: Ted Lasso x fem!Reader

Warnings: depictions of anxiety and panic

Word Count: 8.9k

A/N: one of my all time favs that i’ve written (and, not to sound conceited, one of my favs in general bc it was super self-indulgent hehe). originally posted on tumblr. then dropped onto ao3. now it’s back on tumblr.

“Hey, Y/N. Whatcha up to?” Ted burst into your shared office, a wide-eyed look on his face.

You shook your head with a smirk, “Just going over the last game, trying to figure out what we can do better next time.”

You paused the video on your laptop, shutting it and looking up to him expectantly. He pulled a chair up next to you, suddenly looking a little nervous.

“I know that look, Ted. What’s wrong?”

He shook his head, plastering on a smile. “Nothing.”

“You wouldn’t have come interrupting me unless you had something you wanted to talk about.”

His face dropped, nodding slowly. “I’m getting kind of sick of you reading me like a book, sweetheart.”

“No, you’re not.”

He chuckled, looking back at you. “Okay, guilty. Uh, I’m not sure how to address this, so I guess I better just come out and say it, huh?”

You nodded back at him, silent, but with a reassuring smile.

He clapped once. “So, uh, nobody really knows about this, but I’ve been dealing with some anxiety lately. I, uh— I don’t really want anyone knowing about it, so if you could…”

“I’ll be quiet as a mouse in a trap.”

He raised a brow. “Morbid.”

“My colloquialisms can’t be as silly and polished as yours, friend.”

He smiled. “Guess not. Don’t really have room in my head for ‘em right now, though.”

You shrugged. “That’s okay. I like you whether or not you’re acting like a landscaper’s favorite machine.”

He paused for a moment, trying to put the pieces together. Then, his face lit up.

“Chipper?”

You simply pointed at him with a wink.

“Nice,” he said with a smile. He looked back down to his hands, smile melting. “So, um, I guess I just wanted you to know. That was the reason I had to leave the game, actually. It wasn’t food poisoning, but it just seems easier to let people believe that, you know? But, anyway. You seem to be good with these kinds of things, and I just… I don’t know.”

“Sometimes it’s nice just to tell someone, yeah?”

He nodded with a small grin. “Rebecca’s seen it happen once, but I think that’s about it. I made an appointment to speak with the doc, but I just couldn’t.”

“Why not?”

He shrugged, head shaking. “It’s bull.”

“Ted, you remember what you told me when I talked to you about my issues with trust?”

He raised a brow. “I told you nobody good would hurt you like…”

“You told me that all people are different people. You’ve said it a few times around me, I know you’ve told other people the same. And you know what?”

“What?” His brows sat raised.

“You need to start taking your own advice.”

“I don’t like when you do that.”

“Do what?” You laughed.

He chuckled with you. “When you’re right. I’m not supposed to be a quitter, either.”

“Not for the good things, anyway, huh?”

He nodded. “Thank you.”

He started standing, but you stood with him before he could go anywhere.

“Hey, there’s something I want you to know, too.”

“Shoot,” he said, gesturing for you to continue.

“I deal with anxiety, too. A lot, actually.”

He furrowed his brow. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Didn’t want you to worry.”

“Well, now I am.”

“Don’t. I can cope, I just— I want you to know you’re not alone in this, okay? I get panic attacks, anxiety attacks, I deal with more minor symptoms pretty much every day. And you know what? It doesn’t make me any less of a person. Doesn’t make you, either.”

You saw the tears that began to prick his eyes, but decided to leave that situation alone. Instead, you pulled him in for a hug. He hugged back hard, burying his face in the crook of your neck. You heard him take a few shaky breaths before he pulled back, wiping at his eyes.

“I’m sorry…”

“Don’t ever apologize for vulnerability. Least not to me, cause I know exactly how you’re feeling and it’s okay. I promise,” you reached for his hand, giving it a squeeze.

He smiled at you, trying to hold back from letting any more tears fall.

“Thank you.”

“It’s nothing, Ted. I do want you to try going back to doctor Sharon, though. She’s a good woman.”

He nodded, glancing at where your hand still held his own. He squeezed it again, then left you to get back to your work. You sat for a while, unable to focus on anything but what he’d told you. You hoped like hell he had really listened to you.

It wasn’t until the next day that you’d found he’d both listened to and simultaneously completely ignored you. You were walking down the hall from the office when you saw him.

“Hey,” you called out to him, both hands on his chest to stop him from moving when you got close enough. “Your appointment is supposed to be right now. What happened to—”

“I can’t do it.”

He grabbed one of your wrists, trying to move you. You refused to budge.

“No. Uh-uh. Why did you leave?”

“I’m not talking to someone who’s only there cause she’s paid.”

You raised a brow. “Excuse me, Lasso. Are you not getting paid to do your job?”

He huffed out a sigh.

“Don’t you get attitude with me,” you dropped your hands, but didn’t move from where you stood. “I gotta go, but you’re trying again tomorrow, you hear me?”

“Y/N—”

“You’re going. Non-negotiable.”

He dropped his shoulders. “Fine. I’ll try.”

You nodded once, a smile of victory on your face. “And by the way, I think Keeley’s smoking in the boot room. Might wanna see what that’s about, yeah?”

He tilted his head, a chuckle leaving him. You patted him on the shoulder as you passed to leave the building.

Your day from then on was a long one. You were running around with Beard for part of it, trying to work on strategy for the upcoming game against Man City. The whole Richmond team was on edge, and you were beginning to worry that the nervousness alone might end up being the end-all to the game. You were a firm believer that winning had as much to do with the power of the mind as the power of the body. If they were going in thinking they were going to lose— lose they would.

“That’s a little dramatic,” Beard said over his beer.

You rolled your eyes, sipping at your drink.

“It’s not. Same line of thinking as Ted’s ‘Believe’ sign. I’m just being a little more explicit about what I mean when I say it.”

He chuckled. “You two are more alike than I think you even realize, you know?”

“I think I realize.”

“Do you?”

You shrugged, nodding slightly.

“Both crazy about this team, and even more crazy about you,” you teased, flicking at the brim of his hat.

He hid a smile behind his glass. “Your never-ending optimism and knack for flattery is also pretty similar.”

You hummed in agreement. “Can’t argue with ya, there.”

“So, what do you think we should do, then?”

You shrugged. “Find some way to cheer up the team. Get them excited for the game rather than scared of losing.”

He nodded, brows raised. “Any way of implementing that?”

“I’ll figure it out, I’m sure.” You leaned back. “Remember that game against Kansas State? Our boys were so freaked about it all, then Ted did his thing and got them so excited to play…”

“Beat their asses.”

“Yeah, we did.”

You both went in for a quick high five before continuing.

“Remember how he did it?”

“Told ‘em they needed to loosen up. We had a dance party and ordered pizza.”

You smiled. “Yep. What do you say we make something like that happen again? Day before we travel, let’s do it.”

He smirked, a brow raised. “Sounds perfect. You gonna tell Ted?”

You shrugged. “I think he could use the surprise just as much as the players.”

He narrowed his eyes at you.

You put your hands up. “What’s that look about?”

He just shook his head silently.

“I’m not treating him any different.”

He raised a brow, sipping at his drink again.

“Ted’s been going through it lately, I just think he needs a little cheer up. Nothing else.”

He set down his drink, then sat up straight, eyes still trained on you.

“Quit lecturing me, Beard,” you chuckled. “I know you always think I have some thing for him, but why can’t it just be that I care about people, huh?”

“I see through it.”

You paused for a moment. “I hate that.”

He smirked, and you both finished eating.

You went home yourself, denying a walk-back from Beard. You appreciated the gesture, but the air was beginning to feel thick and suffocating. The last thing you wanted was for him to see you like that.

As much as you tried pretending like the state of the team wasn’t affecting you, you knew that trying to be the fixer for this situation was weighing on you. More than you thought it would.

You tried swallowing, feeling your throat pretending to swell just to spite you. You rushed even faster towards your flat, feeling that the oncoming attack wasn’t going to be so routine.

As soon as you were in your door, your knees hit the floor, head between your arms on the carpet. You tried to control your breathing, but it was no use. Tears fell, though you’d hardly noticed as you’d refused to open your eyes. The bleariness you were bound to find if you opened them would only make the situation worse. You began to worry about passing out if you couldn’t control your breathing, and decided to roll yourself onto your side, whole body pushing through tremors you hadn’t felt in a few months, at least.

The ringing of your phone didn’t aid your situation. You desperately hoped it wasn’t an emergency, because there was no way you’d be able to make it over to where you’d dropped your purse. But, it kept ringing. Four separate calls over the span of probably half an hour.

It was another good half an hour after the calls had stopped before you were composed enough to open your eyes, and pull yourself into a sitting position on the ground. Though, you wouldn’t have known. Time never seemed to make any sense in those situations.

You worked on breathing in and out slowly, wiping away at any remaining tears. The shaking hadn’t yet ceased, but at least that was manageable. Right as you started trying to stand, you heard the loud buzzing of someone asking to be let in. You made it over, asking who was there.

“It’s me. Are you okay?” Ted’s voice came through.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine. Hang on,” you said, letting him in.

It wasn’t long before a knock was at the door, and you wished he wasn’t so quick. No amount of post-panic-primping in a fifteen-second slot could make you look presentable enough to get past him. You opened the door, putting on a smile and hoping he would be too preoccupied with something else to look directly at you for too long.

His face dropped the second he saw you, of course.

“What’s wrong?”

You shook your head. “I’m okay.”

He walked in, leaving you to close the door and follow him.

“No way, McConaughey. You can’t hide tears from me, I got eagle eyes for that sort of thing.”

You crossed your arms. “I’ve just had a long night.”

He watched you for a moment, picking up on the fact that you wouldn’t be sharing any time soon. He nodded slowly.

“Okay, that’s fine. If you don’t want to talk right now, that’s okay,” he smiled softly, then wrapped you in a tight hug.

You welcomed it, arms wrapping around his middle, head buried in his chest.

“You were honest with me,” you started after a moment, “so, I guess I should be with you. I just came down from a pretty bad panic attack. I couldn’t breathe, hardly made it home… I just—”

“It’s okay,” he said, rubbing your back as he spoke. “We don’t have to talk about details. Thank you for telling me.”

You nodded. “Thank you for coming.”

“You always answer when I call. I knew something had to be up.”

“What if I was just in the shower?”

“You still always call me back right away. I had over an hour of radio silence from you.”

You chuckled. “I didn’t know you had it down to such a science.”

He laughed back, pulling away from you just enough to see your face.

“There she is,” he said, a smile on his face.

“And she is a mess.”

“We all get a little messy sometimes, though, don’t we?”

You nodded. “Gotta agree with that.”

He looked at you for a moment or two with a soft smile on his face, and as much as you didn’t want to admit it, especially since Beard was also on your ass about it, that was the moment you knew. You felt your heart rate pick up, and didn’t know what to do but escape. You stepped back, leaving him looking a little confused.

“I think I need some sleep, Ted.”

His eyes were wide, looking at you. “You sure you’re okay?”

“I’ll be fine. I just need time alone, now. I need rest.”

“Okay, yeah,” he nodded, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Uh, alright, well I will see you tomorrow bright and early, right?”

You nodded, giving him a quick smile.

“Anything else I can do for you?”

You shook your head. “No. I’m okay.”

He nodded again, watching you with those big, worried eyes. You wished he would stop with that. He waved a quick goodbye, leaving you alone.

You settled into bed, though you were unable to sleep. You couldn’t stop thinking about the team. Or Ted. Or the fact that you couldn’t help but self-sabotage any chance you got. You wiped away a few stray tears, and closed your eyes, hoping sleep would take over soon.

You woke up from a couple hours of sleep to a text. Of course, from Ted.

- Excited to see you today for coaches meeting :) I’m proud of you

You sighed, setting your phone down next to you. The guy didn’t seem to have a single mean bone in his body, and here you were wallowing in the fact that you couldn’t help but feel like you brought down everyone around you. As much as you tried to remain positive in every situation, you knew your mood affected the people around you whenever you were a little down in the dumps. You got up, hoping you could at least try to disguise it as well as possible for the day. At least for the morning.

You stopped to get coffee on the way in, delivering each drink with a smile. You sat next to Ted to watch the tapes, giving him the most convincing smile you could.

“You seem better today,” he said quietly, a smile on his face.

You nodded. “Yeah.”

The next few days you were preoccupied with setting up the party for the team, and luckily it kept you busy enough to not fall back into the hole you’d had to crawl out of. If there was one thing you were proud of, it was your ability to pull yourself out of the hardest places. Maybe it wasn’t always through the best methods, but you figured that doing what you needed to was working just fine. If it ain’t broke, after all.

“Howdy, howdy!” Ted chimed, walking in.

You shut your laptop quickly, still taking pride in the fact that you were successfully keeping the event from him.

He quirked a brow, nodding towards your laptop. “What’s that about?”

“Nothing you need to worry about right now. What’s up?”

He rubbed his hands together, leaning against your desk with a cheesy grin.

“Guess.”

“You got another jar of barbecue sauce?”

He laughed. “Yes, actually, but that’s not what this is all about, buttercup. It’s about you.”

You furrowed your brow. “What?”

“Well, kinda,” he said with a light chuckle. “I’ve been seeing the doc a lot more frequently, now.”

You lit up. “Oh, I’m so proud of you!”

“You’ll be even more proud in a second. Get this, she actually said that she’s glad me and you are friends.”

You crinkled your nose, laughing. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I told her about all of your help over the past few sessions, and she told me to tell you, little lady, that I am lucky to have you.”

He nudged your shoulder as he ended the sentence, and you hoped he wouldn’t notice how you tried hiding a smile.

You felt heat rise to your cheeks as he finished out by saying, “I gotta say, I agree with her.”

“In that case, you’re welcome.”

He smiled again, hopping up to sit on your desk. “So, what are you up to?”

“You’ll find out later. Later today, actually.”

He raised his brows. “Oh yeah?”

You nodded, “Mhm. I really think you’re gonna love it, too.”

He gasped, “Did you get me those funky shoes from Gucci I showed you the other day?”

“What?” You scrunched up your face. “No, of course not. Those things were horrible.”

He paused, as if to say something, before raising his brows and nodding in agreement.

“Okay, so what is it?”

“Wouldn’t be much of a surprise if I told you, would it?”

He dropped his shoulders. “Aw, come on. Telling me you have a surprise and not saying what it is… That’s worse than telling your dog you’re going on a walk then leaving him home.”

“No, it isn’t.”

“You’re right, that’s just evil. But you know I like to know things.”

You reached over, patting his knee. “I know, but I think you can survive til after practice.”

“Training,” he corrected.

“Ted, we’re both American. You don’t need to adjust your language with me.”

“See, that’s why I love talking to you,” he laughed, poking at your shoulder.

You shook your head, “Okay, now get out of here so I can finish up.”

“I’ll see you at practice, huh?” He raised an eyebrow, looking a little too pleased with himself for switching up his terminology.

You laughed. “See you there, coach.”

Beard walked in a while later, looking at you expectantly.

“Yes, I’m almost ready. Pizza will be here about ten minutes before we’re done, so I’ll excuse myself a little early, and I’ve got Keeley and Higgins doing some decorating in the locker room while we’re out.”

“You know my favorite thing about you?” He asked as he sat down in his seat.

“Fact that you don’t have to actually say anything to talk to me?”

He smirked, nodding. “Exactly.”

You both laughed, then sat back and waited for the boys to make it to the locker room. Ted came in, a big smile on his face as he did.

“Hey, there are two of my favorite people on this whole planet!”

“Still not telling you,” you said, giving a glance at Beard.

He only shook his head, going back to his book.

“Hey!” Ted exclaimed, pointing to Beard. “You know, too?”

“Know what?” Nate asked as he walked in.

You kept talking, “Keeley and Higgins, too. Oh, and Rebecca, actually, but she can’t be a part of it today.”

Ted glared at you as he went to his desk chair, Roy coming in behind him as he did.

“You talking about what Keeley told me she can’t tell me about?”

“Yep,” you responded, leaning back in your seat.

He grunted in response, arms crossing over his chest. You all worked on the game plan for ‘training’, then headed out with the team to get started on the last home practice before the big game. You knew nerves were high the whole time, and were all the more focused on making sure your little pizza party was a relief for everyone. You excused yourself to bring in the pizzas with your two accomplices, and then waited outside the door until the team came barging in. You heard shouts of approval from them all as they saw the decor and food, smiling as the work you’d done was starting to prove to be a good idea. Beard and Ted wandered in a moment after the last boy was in the locker room, a smile on Ted’s face as he heard them all.

“This the surprise?” He asked as he approached you.

You smiled, nodding. Beard moved past you to enter.

“Remember Kansas State?”

He raised his brows, smile only growing. “You didn’t.”

You nodded once more. “I did.”

He scooped you up in a hug, spinning you around.

“You are the best,” he said, setting you back down with a kiss to your cheek. Luckily, the smile on your face could easily be chalked up to the surprise paying off rather than the show of intimacy from your friend. “Well, come on, let’s shake a leg so I can shake some booty.”

You laughed at that, following behind him into the chaos.

“Hey!” He called out to everyone. “Y’all say thank you to Y/N for all this.”

A chorus of ‘thank you’s erupted, and you laughed as Ted pulled you into his side.

“Couldn’t have done it without Keeley and Higgins, y’all. They did all the decorating, I just recycled an old idea of coach, here.”

The team chuckled, then went back to celebrating as the music started.

He looked to you, eyes narrowed. “You’re being way too modest. This happened cause you put your heart and soul into this team.”

“I learned from the best, Lasso.”

He looked at you quietly, a small smile on his face, then shook his head. He pulled you into the small crowd, and you all spent the next couple hours letting loose before you had to check in with reality again.

The party seemed to have helped. Morale was up as you prepared for the game, and at minimum you knew that even if you still lost, they likely wouldn’t take it quite as hard. That helped your conscience, if anything.

One more thing that took a weight off of your shoulders was what happened before the game even started. Ted told the other coaches about his struggles with anxiety before the game. He came clean about it all, and you knew he felt good about finally letting it go to them. As the others started walking out, you held him back, making sure he knew just how proud of him you were.

“I wish I had your confidence.”

He patted your back. “But, you also love your privacy. That’s okay, you know? You also do a much better job holding it down than I do when it comes to this type of thing.”

You swallowed. “I’m not so sure about that. I know how to cope the best way I can, but I think it’s much more brave that you decided to open up to them about this.”

“Hey, don’t be hard on yourself about this,” he said, a hand on your shoulder. “Besides, I’m only doing okay right now cause I’m seeing the doc so often.”

“You saying I need to see someone about this?”

He shook his head. “No. You helped me realize that, for me, going to see her was what I needed. I hope in some way I can help you realize that you should do whatever is best for you. We’re all different people with different experiences, right?”

“Right. Thanks, Ted.”

You sighed. Leaning into his side for a moment, then broke away, clapping once.

“Okay, now let’s go win this.”

The game was lost, but everyone moved past it. You knew most of that was because of Ted and his affection for the goldfish attitude, though he tried like anything to convince you they wouldn’t be feeling so okay if it wasn’t for the little morale boost you’d given everyone before it all started.

He’d also inadvertently managed to convince you to see Dr. Fieldstone.

You knocked on her door, and she looked up from her seat to see you staring at her with a smile from the doorway.

“Come on in, coach,” she said, gesturing at the chair in front of her.

You nodded, looking around the room as you sat. You noted the little bird next to you, tapping it just enough to get it going.

“I like your decorations,” you said with a smile, then looked back at her. “Also, please call me Y/N. I hardly let the boys get away with calling me coach outside of games.”

She smiled. “I see.”

“So, uh, it’s good to finally talk with you. I know we’ve seen one another in passing a few times, but I’ve been exceptionally busy lately or else I would have come and given a proper hello. I really appreciate all of the work you’ve been doing with the team. You seem like a very kind, compassionate woman. I’m happy to have you here, honestly.”

She just watched as you talked, a light grin on her face as you did, though most of the humor rested in her eyes.

You paused for just a moment, though when she didn’t speak up, you took it as an invitation to keep going.

“Uh, so, I’m not really sure how this goes. I’ve only been to see a therapist once before and it didn’t go great. Though, I promise I won’t hold it against you. I’ve just learned how to cope on my own after that experience, but Ted kind of convinced me to try to find what would work best for me moving forward, and I thought—”

“I see why you two are so close,” she chuckled. “I feel as though I know you already.”

Your brows raised. “Really? How so?”

“Well, between how talkative you’ve become now that you’re nervous, and the fact that I’ve heard quite a lot about you in general, I’d say I have an idea of who you are.”

You let out a quick laugh. “Gosh, I’m sorry. I get kind of chatterbox-y when I talk to someone new.”

“Or when you get nervous, yeah?”

You nodded slowly, looking down for a moment. “Yeah. That, too. Guess it kinda goes hand-in-hand with some of my anxiety business, huh?”

She shrugged, though gave you a look that implied she’d agreed with your statement. You smirked, as did she.

“You said you’ve seen a therapist once before?”

You nodded. “Yes, but it didn’t seem to help. They hardly listened to me, and then told me that maybe exercising and breathing exercises would help. Gave me that advice four sessions in a row without really ever caring to know why I was dealing with panic and anxiety and everything else.”

She raised a brow. “I’m sorry you had to experience that. Now, I know you might not be able to trust me—”

“Oh, no. I totally trust you, Doc. I’ve seen how great you’ve been with the team, and I learned from a good friend a long time ago that everyone has a different story. You don’t deserve to be compared like that.”

Her brows really shot up with that being said. She nodded slowly, writing something down as she did.

“Well, thank you for that. That was kind of you to say.”

You smiled at her. “I appreciate you. Really.”

“This need to reassure the people around you, do you think that might have anything to do with what you’re struggling with?”

Your eyes widened, almost shocked at the statement. You understood now how she’d made so much progress with Ted. You continued talking about what you needed to, but the session was coming to a close quickly.

“Uh, one more thing, doc?”

“Yes, Y/N?”

“Thanks for what you said about me to Ted.”

She quirked a brow. “And what was that?”

“You told him I was good for him.”

“You are,” she said, nodding. “I think the both of you need to be reminded that you don’t always have to turn on the personality for someone to love you. I think you do that well. Both of you.”

You chuckled. “You… Are one wise woman, Dr. Sharon.”

She laughed. “I am pretty great at my job.”

“Well, thank you again,” you said, starting to walk towards the door.

“Y/N,” she called out, and you turned. “Try to remember that the whole world isn’t on your shoulders, yeah? You believe everyone deserves to know love and comfort, but you are one of those people, too.”

You nodded, taking in a deep breath, then said your goodbyes. You pulled out your phone as you left her office. Being the last appointment for the day, you knew most people had already gone home, but you felt like getting some food. You dialed Ted’s number and waited expectantly, heading towards the door.

He answered, but didn’t speak.

You furrowed your brow, exiting the building.

“Ted?” You asked, waiting for a reply.

His voice came through, shaky and nervous-sounding. “Hey, what’s up?”

“Whoa, hold on, what’s up with you?”

“I— I’m kind of…” he trailed off, taking in a hard breath.

“Are you at home?”

You started walking more quickly, heading towards his flat.

“Yeah.”

“I’m coming to you, okay?”

You heard a sniffle on the other end, and a weak ‘okay’ in response. You hung up, and practically ran the rest of the way there. He buzzed you in, and you were up the stairs, bursting into his apartment in no time. He was sitting on his couch in his undershirt and khakis, clearly having been in the middle of undressing when he got hit with whatever ailed him.

You rushed over to the couch, standing next to him. He looked up at you, still crying.

“Do you want to talk about it?” You asked softly, reaching over to touch his arm.

He shook his head. “Not yet.”

“Can I hug you?”

He nodded quickly, standing up and clinging to you like a child. You held him, hands rubbing up and down his back as he cried, head shaking every so often, disagreeing with the thoughts in his own head.

“I can’t even…” he trailed, mumbling against your shoulder.

“What is it, hun?” You asked, still trying to calm him as much as possible.

“Am I a shitty dad? I don’t—”

“No, no. Of course you aren’t.”

“I can’t even pick up my son from a sleepover. He had a nightmare and wanted to go home and I couldn’t be there for him,” he turned his head, cheek against your shoulder now.

You reached up to run your nails through his hair. “You’re like the best dad I could think of. Even thousands of miles apart, you spend more time talking to your kid than I ever got with my dad in the same house. He knows you love him.”

“I quit on his mom. I’m not supposed to be a quitter.”

“You didn’t quit. You didn’t forfeit. Game time was up, the match was over. Nothing you could do at that point, Ted.”

He sniffled, then nodded. “You really think so?”

“You were both fighting so long for something that only hurt the both of you. It was coming to an end naturally. You just finally had the strength to let it end, even though it was hard.”

He nodded again, and fell silent for a few minutes, still holding on to you for dear life.

“Ted?” You asked.

He hummed in question.

“Can I get you some water? I don’t want you to get dehydrated.”

“Yeah,” he said, then let you go, sitting back on the couch.

You filled up a glass from the tap, handing it to him and kneeling in front of him. He drank some, then handed the glass back to you to set down on the coffee table.

“Good, thank you for drinking some,” you smiled.

He laughed humorlessly. “I’m a child.”

“You just need to be cared for a little bit right now. I know stuff like this is all new to you still, I don’t think being comforted and coddled a little is gonna hurt all that much.”

He smirked. “I guess not. Thank you. For coming here.”

You stood, going to sit next to him.

“It’s nothing. You’d do the same for me. Heck, you kind of have already, you just didn’t have to witness the crying part.”

He chuckled. “That’s… Embarrassing. I’m sorry.”

“It’s not embarrassing at all,” you said, then leaned back into the cushions. “You feel like food?”

“I don’t know if going out right now—”

“I was going to order in. Thought we could watch tv or a movie or something and hang out for a while.”

He looked to you with a soft smile, nodding.

“Yeah, I’d like that.”

The next day, you woke up feeling better than you had in a while. You felt well rested, and even went to pick up coffee for everyone despite it not being a film-watching day. You made your way to the office, though you found it much more somber than you were expecting.

“Whoa,” you started as everyone watched you walk in with the tray of drinks. “Who died?”

Apparently that was a poorly timed question.

You showed up at the funeral, heading right to Rebecca for a hug.

“Hi, love,” you said, squeezing her a little tighter than normal. “You okay?”

She nodded. “I’m alright.”

You pulled back, giving her a smile. “For what it’s worth, you look hot.”

She laughed, “Charming as always, my friend.”

“It’s what I do best.”

You heard the squeal of Keeley before you saw her.

“You look gorgeous!” She said as she hugged you.

“Babe, it’s a funeral.”

“Still look hot,” she said with a grin before moving on to Rebecca.

You gave a quick hello to Roy.

“She’s… Weird about funerals.”

You nodded. “Right. Well, I’ll be back. Ted was supposed to be here before me and isn’t picking up his phone now.”

Roy furrowed his brow. “Really? I’m shocked you didn’t come together.”

You tilted your head. “Why would we?”

“You realize how fuckin’ obvious you are?”

Your face dropped. “Nothing’s happening, Roy.”

He grunted with a shake of his head, and you headed off away from people to try giving Ted another call.

Still no answer.

When it hit his answering machine, you decided to leave it and send a text instead.

- hey, are you okay? i’m at the funeral now. if you show up, i’ll be in the back row waiting for you. if not, i’m coming to you as soon as we’re out of here

You shoved your phone back into your purse, making sure to leave it on vibrate in case he called back. Getting through the day was already hard, and you knew your anxiety was likely going to be more of a when-than-if kind of situation. It only built with the fact that Ted wasn’t getting back to you. You felt like everything was dragging on forever, and it wasn’t until Rebecca was struggling to find the right words in her eulogy that he came in. He sat next to you, squeezing your knee lightly to reassure you as he did, and you gave him a soft smile. Something was off, but even then he had the ability to comfort Rebecca all the way from the back row, continuing to sing the song she’d begun. And, of course, everyone else couldn’t help but join in.

You walked with him to the repast, and took that as an opportunity to ask him about what was going on.

“Ted?”

“Yeah?”

You fell quiet for a moment, unsure of where to start. He started for you.

“If you’re wondering, it was anxiety again. I’m sorry I didn’t respond…”

“Did you at least reach out to Dr. Sharon?”

“Yes.”

You smiled at him. “Okay, I’m glad. Proud of you.”

He smirked, then looked around the neighborhood for a moment.

“Uh, we talked about my dad.”

Your eyes widened. He’d hardly ever talked to you about what happened because he could never get through without crying.

“Wow. Are you okay? I know that’s always really hard for you…”

“She helped me see the good in him again, you know? I was always so angry with him for leaving us, but he did more than leave us. He was…” He trailed off with a shaky breath. You reached over, taking his hand, and he held onto yours firmly. “He was a great dad. She helped me remember that.”

“I’m happy you could talk to her about it, Ted. Seriously.”

He nodded, one hand going up to wipe at his eyes. “I guess it just hit me thinking about today…”

“I know. I’ve been pretty on edge today, too.”

“Are you okay?” He rushed out, looking at you.

You nodded with a smile, “Much better now that I know you are.”

He squeezed your hand, lacing his fingers with yours. You tried to stave off the sick feeling in your stomach telling you to run the other way. You wished you could just enjoy a nice moment with him, but you couldn’t help but feel guilty somehow. He was too good for most people, and you considered yourself one of the ones he was too good for. You let it happen for a few seconds longer before you pulled away, pretending like you needed to check your phone in your purse.

“Get a message?” He asked after a moment.

“Uh, I thought I felt it vibrate. Guess not,” you chuckled a little.

He nodded quietly, shoving hands back in his coat pockets. You walked silently side by side until you reached the house, walking inside and beginning to mingle with some of the other guests there. You felt anxiety building, but tried putting it off. You couldn’t tell why it was getting worse and worse, but it was. Your pulse kept speeding no matter how easy you tried taking it.

But, you knew it was about to get way worse when you were suddenly being pulled away from Ted by Beard as a woman approached him. He watched after you with eyes wide for a moment before he turned to her, and you furrowed your brow at Beard when he deposited you in a different room.

“The hell was that about?” You snapped.

Immediately, you knew you needed to get away. It was hard enough feeling anxious, but the last thing you wanted was for your feelings to manifest as anger. But, manifest they did.

“You said you didn’t feel anything for him like that,” he said, testing you.

You scoffed. “Now is not the time, Beard. Who was that, anyways?”

“Remember the name, ‘Sassy’?”

Your stomach dropped, and you could swear the air had just gotten thinner.

“Seriously?”

He shrugged, a little smug. You let out a hard breath, beginning to walk away.

“You said—”

You whipped around. “Cut the shit, Beard. It’s none of your business.”

Eyes fell on you, and the barely contained attack was coming into swing. You started walking towards the back door and into the fresh air, hoping you could contain it all until you could get out of there and go home.

The door opened only a moment later, and you turned to find Beard staring at you.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have snapped like that, I just—”

“You have feelings for him. I know you do.” He shrugged, coming to stand next to you. “What I don’t know is what’s wrong besides that.”

“I’m fine.”

“You’re shaking.”

You looked down to see your hands shaking hard as you grasped your arms.

“I—,” you felt tears prick your eyes, and looked away. “I can’t fucking tell him. I’ve known him for years, do you have any clue how shitty it’d be to drop something like that on him? Besides, clearly he’s having fun with…”

You stopped, unable to even say another person’s name.

“The doc told me I self-sabotage, but I don’t think this is that. Is it wrong to want him to be happy? I don’t think I’m the bad guy for that.”

“Nobody said you were.”

“Nobody needs to. I’m a fucking mess. I have no right being upset that he’s happy. I’m a piece of shit,” you whispered at the end, closing your eyes. “I— I need to get out of here. I gotta go, I’m sorry.”

You felt your chest heave, trying to get in air through the invisible smoke that surrounded your head. There was no escaping it, now.

Beard reached out for you, but you already started leaving. He called your name, but you couldn’t handle facing him.

“If anyone asks, please just say I got sick,” you said, back still turned to him.

He sighed, watching as you walked away, holding onto yourself as if you might crumble otherwise. He was worried you actually would, but knew you’d only get more pissed if he tried following you now.

You stumbled along the street, not really sure where you planned on ending up. The closest location was on Nelson Road, so that’s where you found yourself after it all, sinking onto the floor of the office and letting all hell break loose. It was bad enough with how you’d been feeling today, but coupling it all with how ridiculous you felt over being angry that someone else had his attention… That was the thing that nearly pushed you over the edge. Crying and shaking led to dry heaving, dry heaving led to darn near passing out, and that all led to sitting on the ground for who knows how long. You’d always been able to pull yourself out eventually, but you weren’t sure you’d be able to this time.

If people really believed that hope kills, you wished they never had to know what being completely hopeless felt like.

Pretending like you weren’t ever affected by the things that hurt you could only get you so far, and now you were feeling the hard edge of realization that being hit by the things that pained you all at once was so much worse than dealing with it little by little.

Now, a room full of people had seen you crack, too. They all saw through it. The jig was up in a small way that felt huge. Your cover-up act was all you had sometimes, and you couldn’t afford to lose it all because you couldn’t handle seeing Ted with another person, or deal with your emotions before they blew up in your face.

You sobbed, unsure of how you were still awake with how much air escaped you and how little you were taking in. You almost wished you would just pass out for a few hours. Just to escape for a moment.

You heard footsteps fall heavy and quickly down the ball, and it only worsened your panic. The last thing you wanted was for anyone to see you like this, but you couldn’t bring yourself to move. You were cemented to the ground, a crying, shaky mess.

“Oh, thank goodness,” you heard a voice that sounded far away, then felt a pair of arms scoop you up and hold you tightly against them. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

You couldn’t stop yourself this time, and just let yourself cry. Ted tried moving your hands away from your face, but you refused to budge.

“Sweetpea, I need to know you’re okay. Can you breathe with me?”

His voice was more clear now, and you heard a tone in it you almost never did.

“Please,” he whispered, and now you knew why he sounded different.

Tears fell against your bare legs, and they weren’t your own.

“Breathe with me, come on,” he coaxed, and you tried your hardest to obey his request.

Once your breathing calmed, you were able to move your hands, though you refused to look up. He pulled you into his lap from where he sat next to you, hands holding you tighter than they ever had before.

“You really scared me,” he said, quiet.

You took in another breath, face against his neck.

“I’m sorry, you shouldn’t be here.”

“What?” He asked, hands gripping you a little tighter. “What do you mean?”

You shook your head. “I’m a mess. You’re supposed to be out having fun.”

He was quiet for a moment before he spoke.

“Why did you…” He huffed out a breath. “I ran to your apartment. Then all your favorite restaurants. I went down all the streets I thought you might have taken, and finally I ended up here. I didn’t know where else to look.”

“Why were you looking?”

“I asked Beard where you were and he said you got sick. You were already not doing so hot, and I knew that was a lie”

“You have better things to be doing right now, Ted.”

“Nothing is more important than being here right now. Nothing. Do you understand me?”

He was taking a harsher tone with you than you were used to. You took a chance and looked up at him to find him in disarray. His tie and jacket were discarded, and his hair was kind of a mess.

“Don’t ever do that again. Please. At least tell someone where you’re going.”

You nodded, taking in the deep worry lines in his face.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered.

“Don’t apologize for that, I just— I was scared.”

You swallowed. “I’m— I’ll be fine. Why don’t you go see your lady friend now.”

He furrowed his brow. “What?”

“I know Beard pulled us away from you two for a reason, Ted. You deserve to be happy. Please don’t let me get in the way of that.”

He raised his brows. “You’re not in the way of anything.”

“Yes, I am.”

“No. You’re not,” he shook his head. “Do you want to know something?”

You sniffed. “What?”

He stroked your cheek with his thumb, then smiled. “She’s kinda pissed at me anyway.”

“Why?”

He took a moment to lean back against the wall, readjusting you in his lap and wrapping his arms around you so that you wouldn’t be able to scoot away. He chewed at his lip for a moment, then looked at you. You stared back, eyes wide, and mascara running all down your face. He couldn’t help but chuckle at the sight.

Hard as you tried not to, you laughed with him.

“What?”

“Your makeup ran harder than anyone on the team.”

You tried wiping away at it, but he grabbed your hand.

“Quit that.”

“Why?”

He shrugged. “It’s kinda cute.”

“Me having a panic attack is cute?”

His eyes nearly bugged out of his head, but stopped when you laughed.

“I’m kidding. Sorry, I couldn’t help it.”

He let out a breath. “Man, I haven’t been that scared since my mom looked in the shoebox under my bed when I was seventeen.”

You smiled, shaking your head. “You didn’t answer me.”

“What?”

“I asked why she was mad at you.”

He nodded slowly, chewing at his bottom lip.

“Uh, well, when I asked Beard where you were and he said you were sick, she was in the middle of trying to get me to go to her hotel room.”

You felt your stomach sink again, looking away in hopes he wouldn’t catch the shift in your demeanor.

He continued, “I told her I had something more important to do. She didn’t like that a whole lot.”

“You did?”

“Yep.”

You swallowed hard. “So, it is my fault.”

He huffed out a sigh. “Can you quit that? I turned down sex to come sit on the ground with you, and you know what? In any case I would always rather be here with you. Panic attack or not. You could literally just ask me to sit on the ground with you and I would always say yes.”

“Well, that’s just dumb.”

He pulled your head towards his chest, resting his chin on the top of your head.

“You always see right through me like I’m a dang department store window. Now, of all times, is when you decide to just… Not get it.”

You played with the buttons of his dress shirt and quirked a brow.

“What the heck are you talking about?”

“You know, I thought you might get it all the times I asked you to come get dinner or coffee with me. Or maybe every time I come bother you and stick around way longer than I normally would with anyone else— and that’s saying something. I was really hoping you’d get it when we were holding hands on our walk today, but of course not.”

He laughed, pressing a quick kiss to the top of your head before he pulled back to look at you. You watched him with wide eyes, questioning his intentions and hoping you weren’t somehow still misreading this.

“You gonna make me say it?” He asked with a smile.

“I’d prefer if you did.”

He laughed, shaking his head. He then looked up at the ceiling, trying to search for the right words to say. They must have come to him, because he looked back to you, and simply stared for a minute before he finally started talking.

“You’re one of the kindest people I know. Like, Mr. Rogers reincarnated. You always know how to cheer me up. You always know how to help me, and everyone else in your life, somehow. I think you’re incredible. I think you are so funny and so talented and crazy smart. I even think you’re stupidly gorgeous when you’ve got makeup running all over your cheeks,” he said with a laugh, then continued when he got reassurance from your smiling face. “I’ve been scared to get close to anyone since… Since the divorce. You made it so easy, though. I’ve known you forever, but now— I guess I just realized a few months ago that nobody’s ever been there for me like you. You never tell me I’m too much. You never expect me to be… I don’t know. You don’t ever expect me to be on all the time. I can just be me, good or bad, and you still treat me the same.”

You watched him with a rapidly beating heart. Though, this time, it wasn’t telling you to run. It wanted nothing more than for you to stay right where you were.

“That’s something the Doc told me. That we’re good for each other because of that,” you said quietly.

He nodded. “I know, and she’s right. She helped me realize I had feelings for you. Real feelings.”

You bit your lip, then grinned. “Are you gonna crack a joke any time soon? Because all of this serious from you is becoming a little scary.”

His face lit up, and he laughed. You smiled with him, leaning into him for a hug. He held you close, taking in several deep breaths and enjoying the moment, then kissed your cheek as he pulled back again.

“Uh, so… Is this just gonna be me confessing and you get to sit there and tell me to do a crap ton of Hail Mary’s?”

You smiled. “There’s my Ted.”

His brows raised. “Your Ted, huh?”

You laughed, wiggling out of his grip. He let you, and you stood up, reaching for him. He stood with you, not letting go of your hands.

“You’re not going to let go of my hand to check a nonexistent message again, right?”

You smiled, looking down. “You caught that?”

“I can read you almost as well as you can read me. I knew something was up.”

You shook your head, walking into him and wrapping him in a hug again.

“I see things are a little better now,” Beard said, leaning against the doorframe of the office.

You let go of Ted, turning towards Beard.

“Hey. I’m sorry about—”

He held up a hand. “Don’t be. I was kind of being an ass anyways.”

You gave him a tight lipped smile, nodding a little.

“You two figure out… All that business?” He asked, pointing between the two of you.

Ted smiled, “Yeah, we did.”

“Good.”

He waved and left with that, the two of you alone once more.

Ted grabbed your hand, lacing his fingers with yours.

“Let’s go home and maybe… Clean up. We kind of look crazy,” he smiled.

“Can we head to mine first? I want to get out of this dress.”

“Why don’t we just go to mine?”

He raised his brows in question, and you couldn’t help but smile. Now at least you didn’t have to pretend you didn’t think he was adorable.

“I need clothes.”

He quirked a brow. “I think you’d look awfully cute in my clothes.”

You laughed, “Okay, fair enough.”

“Ready to go home, then, sweetpea?”

“Of course.”

[canonicallyobserving911]

Buck & Eddie: Season 7 Ravi's back for a reason

The video includes some of the important things Ravi said and some of his interactions with Buck and Eddie from seasons 5 and 6. Please note: the sound has been removed from the last few seconds of the video because it includes music and if I would have left it in, Tumblr would have given me issues with adding it to the tags. I left it in so everyone could see Buck lay his head on Eddie's shoulder after he picked Ravi up 🙃🤪😉😜.

Last season I believed Ravi returned at a specific time for a specific reason and when he did, I completed a post about how Buck's NO LONGER the KID of the 118 because Ravi is the kid now (linked here). Reminder, Bobby hasn't called Buck kid since Buck's coma dream.

Yesterday, a BTS from Season 7 was posted that includes Eddie, Ravi and Buck and it was intriguing. The look on Ravi's face makes it seem like it's his first time seeing something and Buck looks like "F" not again" and Eddie looks like "Ok... that's interesting but we can handle it" but neither Buck nor Eddie look shocked at all. There's not enough included in the picture to go on but their facial expressions say a lot.

Today, another BTS was released that included the same three 118 members, Eddie, Buck and Ravi. Please look at the GIF below and notice the doors they exited from. Eddie got out of the captain's seat but please remember in 6x1, he said he appreciated it if Bobby didn't ask him to be interim captain. Has Eddie ever sat there? IIRC he hasn't, unless I missed it.

After I saw the video, I had several questions.

First, why wasn't Buck sitting in the captain's seat? He always sits there whenever he has the chance. But for some reason, this time he won't be.

Also, where is Hen and Chimney? It's possible they could be in the ambulance (if medical is needed) but if Bobby hasn't returned to work then that really doesn't explain why Hen's not sitting there instead of Eddie.

Where is the rest of the 118?

Are they the only three who will be needed for the call?

Ravi and Buck got out of the back but since Buck got out first, it's possible they were sitting where they sat in 5x18 and 6x16.

In 5x18, Ravi made the infamous "Isn't that what we all want in a partner..." declaration when Buck was still with TK but he knew (the audience knew too) that she wasn't who Ravi was referring to with regards to Buck. (Pssst... he was talking about EDDIE! 🤪😜🥰)

Later in the same episode, Buck defined what love means to him while him and Maddie were sitting on his balcony (related post linked here). Reminder, he said it AFTER Ravi asked the team, what they all wanted in a partner.

Enter season 6 and Ravi was absent and couldn't be found with a pair of binoculars because KR (the former showrunner???👀 hopefully she's no longer co-showrunner since TM the OG is back) wouldn't tell the audience where he was but she sure had time to film a FaceTime or whatever the "F" LD ended up talking to Bobby on in 6x1 regarding why she couldn't be interim captain.

I said this in a post earlier this week (linked here) that KR was telling half-truths and these BTS pics of Buck, Eddie and Ravi are kind of proving my point. In season 6 she didn't let Ravi come back until 6B because she was doing something with the characters. I answered an ask from my friend @mattsire a few weeks ago after one of the promos was released (linked here) and I said now that Buck and Eddie will be partners again, I wasn't sure what was going to happen in Season 7 (I'm still not sure and that's why I'm not speculating because I don't want to get blindsided again like I was with 6x18) but seeing Ravi again reminded me of my original theory. He's back for REASONS that have to do with Buck and Eddie.

Reminder, for the majority of Season 6, Eddie and Buck weren't working as partners. Buck mainly responded to calls with the team and Eddie spent most of his time being a medic. They were only partnered together for one call in 6x7 and it was the last Felisa emergency where she got buried in her car. Even though they were partners again in 6x13 for every call, it was strange since KR said they were trying new pairings for the season (I debunked her BS statement in a post I did earlier this week [linked here]. I believe the show was trying to see if the audience would notice and be vocal about Buck and Eddie not working or hanging out together and we were.) But reminder, they weren't working together while Ravi wasn't there. Even after he returned in 6x14, Ravi went into the dumpster fire with Eddie in 6x16 and Buck was kind of still working on his own.

In the latest TCA interview, TM said Ravi will return in Season 7 and since he's the OG showrunner and Buddie's his idea, I believe he has a reason for bringing Ravi back unlike KR who did it to appease the negative feedback she got for splitting Buck and Eddie up in the first place. Then she only included him in the finale so he could hand Buck some tools🙄.

In 6x14, Eddie hugged Ravi first but Buck literally hugged him and picked him up.

Also, later in the same scene, Buck laid his head on Eddie's shoulder.

The point of this post is to illustrate how Ravi returning could mean the original plan for season 6 is back in play. Therefore if the narrative that was set forth continues and it remains unchanged, everything that happened in 6x13 between Buck and Eddie and the Buckley-Diaz Family along with Eddie leaning more towards the medic or paramedic side of things and Buck remaining a firefighter then it's possible Ravi's back at the 118 so he can work with Buck. If so then maybe he's there so Buck and Eddie can continue working at the same firehouse after they become a CANON couple.

Please note, I believe Buck and Eddie were supposed to go CANON in season 5 but it got delayed and with everything that happened in season 6, it seemed like they were going to be in a relationship by the end of 6x18 but it got delayed once again. Will it be delayed in season 7 too? I don't know but I'm working on two posts about some things that were said during the TCA interview and I'm debating if I'll post them because I said I wasn't going to speculate but I'll make my decision after I finish the posts and decide then if I'll post them.

[itskynn]

My take on Adventure Time's Breezy.

I originally posted this on Twitter but decided that since Tumblr lacks a word limit I can expand on what I mean and basically go more in depth on my personal analysis of my favorite show.

The rest of this post will be dedicated to expanding on, not only Breezy is an important episode for Adventure Time, but why the view of this episode as "ableist" entirely misses the point the episode was trying to make. Final reminder this is just my personal opinion and you are free to disagree. Let's get into it.

The shortest description I can give of Breezy is Finn pursuing countless princesses while being aided by a bee called "Breezy" that really just wants the flower growing on Finn's arm.

The episode ends with Finn's missing arm regrowing completely, with a thorn sticking from his palm, a remnant of the grass sword.

BUT BEFORE WE GET TO THAT POINT, I FEEL THE NEED TO GO ALL THE WAY BACK TO THE CITADEL EPISODE FOR A SECOND.

(Sorry for very low quality video.)

"Wake Up" (AKA: The Citadel episode) has to be one of Adventure Time's most talked about episodes so I probably don't need to give the entire explanation of the plot to you.

Finn losing his arm in this episode represents a "new normal" for our hero, where he has to accept that his positive mindset doesn't always result in success, specially in this episode where his father not only is revealed to be deeply uncaring about Finn (at least from what the characters and the audience knows at this point in the story), but that his father would abandon him AGAIN.

From this point on and for the rest of the series, Finn's arm (or lack thereof) represents his willingness to accept what happened and move on from the situation as a new person.

This is a especially touching scene when the already established liquid that can heal any wound touches Finn's arm, but instead of healing the missing limb, it creates a flower in its place.

This matters because it shows that Finn's "true self" has fundamentally changed, and the liquid recognizes that Finn is no longer who he was before (arm included) and that he grew as a person in that very moment.

Now, what the glob does this have to do with Breezy? Well, a few episodes later Breezy happens, meaning that Finn's arm is completely regrown.

While I get that in the short-term this might feel unrewarding, I actually think that this is a very important part of Finn's growth, representing shallow coping.

The entire episode revolves around the concept of Finn attempting to get with every princess he can as a way to distract himself. The entire point of the episode is to represent how Finn is avoiding the issue entirely with meaningless relationships.

I think this is why it confuses me so much when people seemingly think Finn's arm regrowth is "unearned"... because it being unearded is the point, it's a shallow solution.

The regrowth of his arm and the thorn it leaves behind is suppose to represent how Finn's way of coping with the situation was to completely ignore it.

The new arm represents unhealed wounds and the refusal to accept the past. Finn's refusal to accept what happened manifested as the arm he had BEFORE the Citadel.

But no wound no matter how covered up it is can truly be forgotten. And so, the thorn remains on his palm.

FINAL THOUGHTS: What this means about Fern and Finn's "final arm".

Let's talk about the easiest part first.

Finn's final arm represents emotional growth and the willingness to accept the reality that he's an entirely different person and that's okay.

Finn accepts that his true self is without his arm and he's happy with that outcome. It took him a while to get there but that's what makes it so rewarding.

This is why I feel like the "ableism" comment is so vapid, the show makes the effort to tell the audience that no matter how much Finn attempts to hide it, living his true self is better than any fake solution.

And for the final-final little side note, Fern.

Fern is directly born out of what remains of Finn's fake arm.

He is similar to Finn but unable to feel like himself, even wanting to replace Finn entirely. Fern has repressed trauma, anger issues, deeply depressed with who he is.

In other words.

Fern represents a Finn that never grew out of his fake arm, a Finn that kept ignoring what had happened and grew bitter because of it.

The end of Adventure Time with Fern's death represents a death of the old self, it represents Finn (and Fern) choosing to let go of the past and to focus on making a new future.

Fern's seed being planted on the treehouse in the final episode is really touching when you see it through my prespective.

Finn is burying his past trauma, and from where it once was, a beautiful everlasting tree grows.

Well, that was just me rambling about a show I like. Thank you for listening, I'm deeply sorry.

[chaisshitposts]

𝐌𝐮𝐬𝐜𝐥𝐞 𝐓𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 & 𝐎𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐓𝐨 𝐇𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐀 𝐃𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐭 𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐖𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐒𝐮𝐛𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐜𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐌𝐢𝐧𝐝

hello there! welcome to another blog for the nerdy manifesters who want to feed their logical minds. full disclaimer, these answers are solely based on the research I've done, and if you'd like to do your own research, you should! you are the creator of your assumptions and reality, after all. I will never stop encouraging others to find their own answers. while I was writing this, I had no idea someone had already talked about muscle testing on Tumblr, so, please do check out their post too!

what is muscle testing?

according to my holistic therapy, muscle testing is, "[...] a method of gathering accurate biofeedback on the body’s Physiological and Psychological state by stimulating the muscular system. The body’s cells know their entire history and what they require to regain full health. Muscle Testing is an elegant way to retrieve the knowledge imbedded into the cellular memory of the muscular system." ^1 when muscle tests are performed correctly, it allows the one being tested to have a direct conversation with the subconscious mind, aka the machine that controls the entirety of our body.

how does muscle testing work?

"Our bodies interact and move through the world by contracting and releasing muscles. A Tester will illicit either a contraction or release of certain muscles by applying gentle pressure to the muscular system. This testing unlocks the vast knowledge muscle cells by utilizing the binary contraction-release language of the body.

This simple, yet powerful process, is the first step of energy therapy, and it provides an accurate assessment tool of the client’s condition. This is a major part of Integrated Physical Emotional Clearing (IPEC) Therapy."^2

To better simplify what this means, everything that 'works' has energy flowing through it. You, me, your pets, the plants, and beyond. When doing a simple muscle test, you consciously may have a thought, or ask a question perhaps, and when the muscle test is performed, the subconscious will control your muscles in a way that gives an indication of 'yes', 'no', 'like', 'dislike' through a strong/firm or a weak/struggling muscle response that involves the muscles locking in place or stress causing weakness in the muscles. Energy therapy involves changing beliefs at the subconscious level with the use of energy, there are various energy therapy treatments, however, the one that I know about in a deeper sense is PSYCH-K. Again, I recommend you go and do some research of your own!

why would I muscle test myself or others?

muscle testing is just another application of holistic health, and there have been studies on how it can aid in decision-making, figuring out allergies, as well as what foods your body does and doesn't like. along with that, you are also able to test your subconscious' view on certain things that you are conscious of. bruce h. lipton details in his book 'the biology of belief' that DNA expression is not, "predetermined or unchangeable. Instead, the book details how DNA is influenced by signals emanating from outside the cell. The strongest energetic signals that cells receive are our thoughts, beliefs, and attitudes."^3 which is how we're able to manifest drastic appearance changes with our thoughts, feelings, etc, as well as completely eradicate health issues, pain, and other things of that nature with the use of our thoughts, beliefs, feelings, experiences, etc. the medicine you take for your colds is literally just energy, consider that.

how can I muscle test myself accurately?

there are various tests you can do. there are dozens YouTube instructional videos that can lead you in the right direction! however, my personal favorite is the sway test, which i will discuss a little further down. it takes trust in yourself, however, other people can muscle test you if you'd like a solid proof answer. even so, here are a few videos you can watch to better familiarize yourself with. please be advised, there are various ways to muscle test, I highly recommend that you do all of them and figure out which one feels right for you, your body will know.

The Finger Pad Test

Pendulums for Muscle Testing

7 Different Self Muscle Testing Techniques

how can I muscle test other people accurately?

How To Do Applied Kinesiology Muscle Testing

also, whoever you're testing or if you're being tested, your chin must be parallel to the floor while your eyes are looking downwards for the most accurate testing while your arm is being pushed down. the position of your eyes allows you to fully engage your subconscious without worrying about your conscious getting in the way of accurately testing others or yourself, it's been believed to assist in dissociation.

what are some benefits to muscle testing?

since muscle testing is apart of energy therapy, energy therapy has the ability to benefit all areas of life, including, but not limited to— relationships, family, individual growth, and overall well-being whether that be physical, mentally, or emotionally. if you find yourself struggling with certain thoughts or beliefs, muscle testing allows you to have a conversation with your 'higher self' aka your subconscious.

how does muscle testing correlate to manifestation?

when you perform muscle testing on yourself or others, you're able to connect with your 'higher self' aka your subconscious which uses about 95% of your brain on a daily basis, it knows when a lie is being said as well as the truth. after you've established what 'yes' and 'no' is according to your subconscious by making statements you already know the answer to (Examples: [My name is [insert your name]. I have [color] hair. My name is [fake name that's not yours] I have [insert wrong color hair]), you can then ask anything you want. You can also make statements and see if your subconscious agrees with you or not, that will then allow you to take the necessary steps you need/want in order to become your best self.

how can I do the sway test?

stand up with no distractions (no TV, no music, no outside conversation), feet should be shoulder width apart and planted flat on the floor. or if you are unable to stand, just sit up as straight as you can manage. then, lift your chin up so that it's parallel to the floor, facing forward, and focus your eyes down on the floor. once you're done with that, state "my name is [insert name]", notice which way you lean naturally, make sure you're relaxed, this'll be your 'yes/like/true'. you can do this a couple times to make sure. and then you state "my name is [fake name]," notice which way you lean naturally, this'll be your 'no/dislike/false.' once you've established that, you can ask questions, make statements, and anything else you want, you can even test supplements by holding them in your hand as well as holding certain foods. your body may lean forward, backwards, sideways, etc, it's all based on the individual. please be advised that at any point in time you can retest from your yes/no answers by making the statements above, as many times as you want, just to make sure your yes/no answers are the same. I would recommend that you do this after every question you ask, just to give yourself the satisfaction. but again!! do what feels right and what makes you feel that you're getting the most accurate answers.

what are some ways I can muscle test myself without fear of my tests being inaccurate?

practice whatever test you feel most comfortable with, or have someone else test you if you're unable to fully trust yourself. personally, I find that the sway test is easiest. you can also use a pendulum as a muscle test if you'd like, whatever suits you as the individual is what you should go with.

how can I use muscle testing to heal my limiting beliefs, trauma, and other detrimental things that have been holding me back?

muscle testing gives you a deeper insight on the beliefs currently settling in your unconscious/subconscious mind. truthfully, you'll find out things you probably would have never expected to be there in the first place, hidden away somewhere. who better knows you better than you?

is it an absolute necessity to muscle test myself when trying to create new assumptions/testing whether or not my beliefs have changed on a subconscious level?

nope, not at all! this is essentially the same thing as getting your palm read, your aura read, having a tarot reading, and other things of that nature. It's up to you on whether or not you want to try this out or if you think it'll work in your favor.

how can I use muscle testing and psych-k simultaneously to benefit myself to the max?

in my previous post I provided the instructions on how to do psych-k, and if you fully watch the video you will notice that the demonstration involves muscle testing before and after the psych-k treatment. you can do the muscle testing on yourself with various methods, and then you can figure out how your subconscious stands on your conscious belief/affirmation. if the subconscious likes the affirmation or views it as true, then you're golden. however, if it sees it as false, then the next step would be to ask your subconscious 'Is it safe and appropriate for [name] to balance for this goal?' If the answer is yes, then proceed, if the answer is no, you may have some underlying issues that need to be addressed before that. It's very rare for the subconscious to say 'no,' however.

after receiving a 'yes', you will then ask 'are all systems ready and willing for a balance of this goal?' once you've gotten your answer, you will go on to do PSYCH-K.

after performing the necessary steps to implement this affirmation/goal/ etc into your mind, you may do another muscle test and see where you stand.

what are some questions or affirmations/afformations, and belief statements I could use to muscle test?

I am a master at manifesting.

I can manifest anything I want right in this moment.

I am ready and willing for change.

My desires are already mine.

I am intelligent and capable.

and if you struggle to come up with your own affirmations or questions, check out this video and see if it'll help you!

notes

personally, I've only learned about muscle testing and psych-k within the last three days, and I've already had results. before I started doing this to myself, I did it to my brother and ma (they're my guinea pigs 🧍) and they both experienced some weird tingling sensations in their brains after looping a single affirmation. I decided to do the same for myself, but with self muscle testing. my manifestations are coming in faster than ever just because my subconscious now believes I'm a master manifester. plus, I used it to change another belief I had and I actually started crying like a lil' bitch. 🧍and I'll be honest, yesterday I muscle tested myself and asked 'can I enter the void right now?' and my subconscious said yes. so, there was an attempt on my end where I used the lullaby method, lulling myself to sleep with just the words 'I Am', and when I went to sleep, I didn't enter the void, but I had a dream. I can't entail what the exact details were specifically bc it's personal but it was about my family members who've hurt me in the past, with lots of rage and anger. and when I woke up, an affirmation immediately popped up in my head 'I forgive those who have hurt me and I'm ready to move on.' bruh. this isn't what I consciously wanted, but obviously my subconscious thinks I need to work on this matter before I can ascend and so, I'm gonna trust myself.

gotta be honest, I've read other people's posts where they have had their 'eureka!' 'aha!' moments and their little epiphanies... thought they were all completely bullshit and I was a hater, but gods-- that shit's real, and now I gotta make a change within myself, and it's time for you to do the same.

references + extra resources

Quoted Information

PSYCH-K

The recorded lecture about PSYCH-K (it's an hour long but I think the knowledge is worth it)

Rewrite Your Mind

[gentlebeardsbarngrill]

02/07/2024 Daily OFMD Recap

TLDR; Cast & Crew Sightings; More Rhys Cameos; Damien Gerard; Hugo PIerre Martin; More Samba BTS Feat. David Fane; Cosplay Day; Feb 8 Events: #WeLoveSamson; Upcoming Watchparties; UK Fan Effors: Radio!; YouGov Tutorial; Stats; Schadenfreude; More Clowning; Morale; Love Notes; Daily Darby/Tonight's Taika.

= Cast & Crew Sightings =

Another Rhys Video on Cameo! This one in particular had a lot of folks clowning today. You can watch the video on cameo-- it's the newest one 3:51 seconds long with him in the hat and the red shirt. I tried to download it and upload it, and tumblr literally lost all my drafts because of it, I have no idea what happened so I'm not doing that again lol. Instead, here's the short video of what triggered the clowning.

"Thank you so much for all your support on Our Flag Means Death, they'll be more stuff happening in the future, keep listening and watching, and uh, yeah, peace out, Rhys Out, Don't let that Octopus out! BuhByeeee!"

Thank you @Jodegg for sharing this video with us!!!

== Damien Gerard! ==

Damien Gerard gave us a new BTS photo for #WearFineThingsWell

== Hugo Pierre Martin ==

Hugo, aka our friend the french doorman from The Best Revenge is Dressing Well poked his head out! We'd love to have you doing venues sir!

==More BTS from Samba!==

It's a David Fane themed day! Wanna see the videos too? Head on over to Samba's IG!

==Cosplay Day!==

Today was cosplay day and lots of folks shared their awesome costumes from today or over the past couple years! These are just a few highlights! Please feel free to hop over to IG or Twitter for more!

== Events for Feb 8! ==

Tomorrow is #WeLoveSamson Day! Let's show Samson Kayo some love for all his hard work and various characters! Feel free to reach out across platforms to send him some love! Pic Src: Samson's IG

Twitter / Instagram / Facebook

=Watch Party Reminders=

No watch party for Feb 8, but Feb 9 we've got:  Love Birds Watch Party on Feb 9th - 9 pm GMT, 4 pm EST, 1pm PST.

Watch Party Hashtags:

#AdoptOurLoveBirds

#AdoptOurCrew

#SaveOFMD

== UK Fan Efforts ==

Fans are reaching out to radio stations in the UK! Very cool guide put together by @TeeHeeSeason3 on Twitter for contacting BBC radio stations in the UK regarding what to place to help support the OFMD Renewal.

== Focus Groups ==

Remember the focus group/surveys we mentioned yesterday on yougov.com? Well some folks have been trying to sign up and been having some issues finding OFMD, so our lovely, sweet, amazing @libbyroseitm was kind enough to make a tutorial for everyone! Twitter Thread. YouGov rating tutorial! Make an account first, then follow these steps. If you'd like to see what kinds of questions it asks for you to sign up, visit here. Step 1: On your Account page, scroll down until you see a link for "View All Ratings", and click that

Step 2: You'll be taken to a screen that says "Rate Everything", click on the link for "Not What you're looking for?" and it will pop up a model that gives you a button to click that says "Previous Version" Click that.

Step 3: Once in the new version, type the name of the show (or actor, writer, etc) you'd like to rate

Step 4: Select your show when it pops up, and then rate it and add an opinion if you'd like!

Special Notes:

People probably aught to be careful to keep personal information to themselves.

You can search for actors and other films and tv shows related to OFMD, not just the show itself.

Vote on things other than OFMD so they don't get suspicious.

= STATS STATS STATS =

As always, special thanks to our dear friend @meowzawowza_ over on twitter for their constant stats updates

== Schadenfreude ==

Awww, looks like WB Discovery Inc is still trending downwards. How sad. Thank you @btweenhisteeth for keeping us up to date on these sad sad times for WB!

== More Clowning ==

So today I learned of this "Honk Weather Control Center" account on twitter (@HonkForecast) and I have to say it's pretty great. So far for several days they've had "clown" forecasts for how much we should be clowning. Love it.

== Morale ==

Definitely head on over to Rhys' New Cameo video if you haven't already because as always his sunshine is a big ol dose of Vitamin Darby right to the soul and there's nothing that can replace that feeling!

== Love Notes ==

Done with your Rhys love? Great! But now you have to endure my unconditional love as well! *Maniacal laughter*

Are you aware that you are so very loved, my dear?

But also, did you know you're worthy of love?

All the love--- Like every kind you want (platonic, romantic, parental, agape, etc)

You are not difficult to love. Not at all.

You are not too much, or too little,

you're exactly the right amount,

and you are worthy of love just the way you are.

I've probably said it before, but I want you to know just how imperfectly perfect you all are, and every moment of every day you deserve love and happiness and everything you want in life.

The world is such a better place with you in it and all of your crewmates want you to know that. We care for you deeply my friends.

You matter, don't ever forget that.

= Daily Darby / Tonight's Taika =

So I just got done watching a bunch of Radiradirah on youtube (which is goofy AF btw, like New Zealand Monty Python style fun) and I can't get over Space Waltz, so tonight that's the theme. Look at these two stinking goofballs and their faces.

Night lovelies <3

PS: I never say it but thank you for all the lovely comments in the tags! They always make me smile, yall are the best!

[angel-of-hunky-doryness]

Disney's Hercules: Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Inaccuracies

Ah Disney's Hercules.

Now I'm sure I've made it no secret that this is one of my all time favorite movies. Both for it's witty charm and impressive character design, there is something to be said about this film that makes it stand out among the line-up of Disney's Renaissance films. It's not one of it's finest, nor is it your classic fairy tale movie up there with the likes of Beauty and the Beast or Aladdin, but just like Lion King, Hercules takes a unique spin on a timeless tale for a more modern audience.

Perhaps my love of this movie and other Disney films are biased. We had quite a lot of these movies on VHS and since I was still learning english, they were a great introduction before I started kindergarten.

Now as I watch these movies again I'm still surprised how well these movies have aged. I recently rewatched B&B with my dad the other day from flipping channels and even he was blown away with how good these movies really are after nearly 2 decades of not seeing them. It's astounding especially now in an age where we have started to see a decline in the quality of Disney movies. Back when there was a greater focus on art instead of profit.

While there was a rise in harsh criticism on Disney movies and their protagonists(like Snow White, Cinderella, etc) primarily in the 2010's that was perpetuated by internet culture (i.e. memes, Youtube critics, pick your poison) I am glad to see that we are starting to dial it down again and see just how progressive many of these movies were for their day and age.

Now this post isn't about any of that.

There are much better blogs here on tumblr that go into that, so I highly recommend @marciabrady, @artist-issues for their look at early Disney princesses and other similar blogs I will hopefully tag before I post this.

There is one movie though that kinda got the worst treatment and that is, to no one's surprise, Disney's Hercules.

And it's kind of deserved.

Now I'm not here to cast stones. Like I said in the preamble, it's one of my favorite movies and I've written quite a bit of fanfiction in this fandom. So I've done it dirty quite a lot. Sorry HS me, we need to talk a bit.

So instead, we will be going over why the inconsistent depiction of the Greek Mythology presented in this film had to be done and some small examples. Nothing too deep. The Mythology Guy on YouTube made a great video going over all the inaccuracies in the film and I highly recommend giving it a watch if you are interested in learning more about the Greek myth of Herakles.

With that out of the way, let's get started.

Part I: Child-Proofing

As I've mentioned before in one of my earlier posts, Disney films are made for children. Now that doesn't mean adults can't enjoy it, but the content within the films are primarily so children can watch and enjoy. Sure there are adult jokes and themes that will go over kid's heads, but they are generally pretty minor or toned down enough that can pass the films off as rated G/PG.

After all, Disney films have very easy and digestible morals: true beauty lies on the inside, don't judge people on their background, follow your dreams but don't lose sight on what's important, don't talk to strangers unless they're hot, invite everyone to the christening- things like that.

Disney films for the longest time have been a sort of moral standard since they have such a big influence on Western culture. Because of that, many fairy tales they have made films about tend to throw out some of the more grim and dark details attached to these tales.

Take Cinderella.

In the original Grimm's Fairy Tale, the happy couple ride off into the sunset while her step-sisters get their eyes plucked out by Cinderella's birds. In fact, before that, the step-sister's lopped off bits of their foot to try and fit into the glass slipper, only to be found out as the slipper gets soaked in blood.

Now I don't know about y'all, but I don't see anyone complaining that Disney left out those details. Okay, well the general consensus, at least.

But Cinderella is a classic fairy tale that had many adaptations and versions from across the world that allowed Disney to pull inspiration from, so who cares that they didn't follow the Brothers Grimm line-by-line?

And that's a good point.

There are versions where Cinderella isn't as gruesome. Charles Perrault, another very famous fairy tale author, had his own version of Cinderella where her step-sisters are fully intact by the end of the story. So it's quite obvious Disney was more attached to this version since it was much more decent.

Just like Cinderella, Greek Mythology has hundreds of different versions about just a single myth. You have Hesiod, Homer, Apollodorus, Ovid and those are just the writers from thousands of years ago. Nowadays, we have thousands of modern adaptations, translations, and rewrites of Greek myth to comb through.

There's just so much to choose from! And that's not even considering how interchangeable Greek myth is with its Roman counterpart.

What that means is you're never going to be able to get everyone to agree on one myth. Sure we can agree on certain details, but just like Ancient Greece, every city state had it's own version of a myth.

Herakles or Hercules was no exception.

Yet it's like I alluded to as well. There are some certain details that remain consistent from myth to myth.

Now let's look at a story that doesn't have a lot of versions to pull from, and just like Disney Hercules, it was heavily toned down: The Hunchback of Notre Dame.

This Disney film is arguable the most sanitized of the animated adaptations. A personal favorite of mine that far outranks Hercules in every way, but it was a huge hurdle to adapt.

From Esmeralda's attempted SA and death, racism, Quasi being bound and abused in jail, Phoebus' less than honorable pursuit of Esmeralda, Frollo's creepy obsession and his horrific control over Quasimodo, the religious themes and motifs, it's crazy how Disney was able to adapt it at all.

While it is pulling from Victor Hugo's original novel, there were a dozen films made before it that also tried to adapt this famous tale. The 1939 version of this film starring Maureen O'Hara is one of the greatest films ever made. For it's time, it made an incredible movie that sanitized many of the darker aspects in a way that cemented this classic tale into a more modern audience.

So is it any surprise that a lot was dialed down in Disney's version so children could also understand the message Victor Hugo was trying to tell? That the deformity Quasimodo was born with unfortunately led him to have a very harsh life- not because his disability affected his quality of life, but because of how society viewed/treated him. Their own perception led him to be isolated, ostracized, abused, and pitied. Likewise with beauty and race in Esmeralda's case.

They are different sides to the same coin.

I have a lot to talk about with Quasimodo. The next disney movie I will begin analyzing will be Hunchback, so prepare yourselves as I wrap up on Hercules.

But I digress.

Because Disney films are catered towards children, is it any wonder Hercules got the same treatment?

Part II: Greek Myths for Dummies

Greek Mythology is not an easy thing to adapt for a single film. Disney films, especially animated ones, are gonna get you at most a 90 minute timeslot and that's already a lot to ask for a highly-trained team of animators, musicians, writers, actors, artists, etc.

There are a lot of bases to cover.

Especially since this may very well be a kid's first introduction into Greek mythology. So we have a lot to answer

Like...

Why is Zeus king of the gods? Why does he have so many kids? How does the afterlife work? Why do I have to pay a man to get into hell? Are winged horses normal here? Why are the Titans bad? What goddess is that with the funny flower headband? Why won't they name all the background gods- are they important in the world? Is being compared to Aphrodite a good thing? Why doesn't Zeus realize his brother is trying to kill him? Why can't I have hubris as a treat?

All good questions, dear reader. And with a limited timeslot, there's not a lot they can talk about, so animators are throwing as much visual exposition as possible.

But who is this glittering assemblage?

That's why to understand what's going on you have to have prior knowledge to get what's going on in the background.

Like Lord of the Rings. Big world, lots of story to tell. The Silmarillion will help, but that's already a lot for a first time fan.

And since Hercules is written with kids in mind, it has to be rewritten some. So the established canon is kind of being thrown out the window, rearranged, and patched up like an old man who threw off an emperor's groove.

But Gerald Scarfe and a team of Disney animators managed to combine the former's caricature design style to the Disney standard to create Disney Hercules' unique style.

These gods aren't given the background character design treatment you'll find in other Disney movies, they are very stylized and exaggerated to visually convey their personality, their role in this universe, and if they're good or bad.

And the nice thing is, Greek mythology has an extensive list of symbols associated with each god that allowed Disney's own technicolor pantheon to reflect the very same icons.

Look at Athena above. There's her war helm, her breastplate, a cute little owl. She screams war goddess, but look how gentle she is with the bird. Her glass of nectar is a prop to show off her generosity, her self-restraint, and her desire to keep the peace.

But on the flip side, Ares is in the same get-up as her, war helm, breastplate, but his sword is drawn and his stance is one of action. We can see both these war gods are similar, but their temperaments and approach to war (same as their personalities) are so drastically different, and their color scheme helps so much as well.

It's incredible how much detail was poured into this and while I can go on gushing about the designs, we must push on.

Say what you want about how accurate the greek mythos is shown downgrades the overall movie, but the background story is lining up with a lot of the context we would lose were this in any other medium. The gods, how they look, their personalities- it's there.

It's accurate.

Sure the same cannot be said about the gods and mortals who have a role in the overall story they made, but that's the last issue this post will hopefully tackle.

Part III: A Hero's Journey

While Disney had already dipped their toes into Greek mythology with the likes of Fantasia and Goddess of Spring, Hercules was the first try to make it more than just a short.

So the myth they chose to adapt had to be iconic. They couldn't do it about the gods- that's just too much drama. They needed a hero, someone who struggled and fought and had a support group comprising of supernatural beings. And who is the most famous hero of Greek Myth?

Herakles.

There's just a few slight issues with that, heh...

Herakles is a really rough story.

To summarize, Zeus magics up a disguise to look like the mortal Amphitryon to woo the guy's wife, Alcmene. She gets preggers, Hera finds out and naturally goes ballistic. So Zeus pulls a fast one on his wife to save his kid, and thus Hera nurses baby Herk giving him god-like strength. A few assassination attempts later, Herakles grows up, marries, and has kids. Despite this, Hera isn't done, but she doesn't target the H man anymore, oh no, she sends him into a fit of madness whereby he decimates his entire family. Once it passes he works for a king, like his distant cousin, and he does 12 increasingly intense labors as a sort of penance and at the end of it, he's promised immortality or an indefinite Hera leaves him alone pass. Wonder Boy finishes that, but then he gets infected with centaur blood after taking on his dad's worst personality trait (adultery), he dies via his own funeral pyre, but at the last second his dad saves him and he becomes a god.

And Disney is gonna try adapting that???

That's about a dozen labors in itself, so how are they gonna do it?

To summarize here are the elements Herakles has going on that can be adapted to your standard Disney film:

Protagonist: Hercules (b/c the Roman version is much more popular)

Damsel in Distress: Megara or Deianeira (most notable love interests in myth)

Side-kicks: Iolaus (Hmm those undertones, huh)

Antagonist: Hera

Flaw: wrath / impetuous/ salacious

Unique ability / quirk: super strength

We have a pretty solid line-up for a story here. But at the time in the 90's, there is already another adaptation of Hercules going on strong: Hercules: The Legendary Journeys.

This show first came out in the mid-90's and ended a couple years after Disney's Hercules dropped.

So how are they going to make it distinct from that?

It's really easy actually.

Super easy.

Disney's Hercules got a lot of inspiration from Superman (Christopher Reeves version).

Hercules is literally an innocent farm boy (mild-mannered Clark Kent), Meg is your hotshot spitfire Lois Lane, and Hades is your bald megalomaniac investing millions of dollars trying to axe one guy - Lex Luthor.

And let's be honest, the myth of Herakles reads like a modern superhero. He has super strength, he fights monsters, there's a damsel in distress every now and then- he fits the bill!

At this point in time, Disney didn't have a superhero and since that started to be a bigger appeal as the 90's marched on (*laughs in Marvel*)

It was a smart choice to bridge this tale to the modern time.

So for that reason, if they were going to make Hercules a super hero-esque character. He needed a villain and Hera wasn't going to cut it.

Part IV: A Hera-Shaped Hole

Hera was absolutely vicious in myth. This lady orchestrated the entire demise of Herk's family, his sanity, and his freedom. She wanted him to suffer just so Zeus could see how betrayed she felt every time he had a dalliance with a mortal.

Zeus never learned, but Hera's tactics did. And it was by her hand that sent Hercules into servitude under his cousin, the king. A title Herakles should've had had Hera not intervened.

And while wicked step-mothers are abundant in Disney's canon, it wasn't going to work because she's Zeus' wife. Yes, Hera received repercussions for starting a coup against her husband once in myth, but it was a brief punishment. Most of the time this couple can't stand each other, but they are what's keeping the pantheon together. And Hestia's cooking.

But here's the thing, Hera may be a bad person in this myth and others involving sons of Zeus, but she's a good person in other myths. Even at the beginning of this one, Hera found an abandoned baby and nursed him because he was all alone and crying out of hunger. She has her virtue, she's a good queen.

Yet with her iconography of peacocks, marriage, family, cows, and queen of the heavens and gods, she gives off very ethereal imagery.

This was the lady sending monsters and horrors of Typhon and Echidna's brood- that's her?

It can be done, I'm sure someone will do it better than Blood of Zeus, but it's much harder to adapt, especially with Treasure Planet on the duo of director's mind.

Just see Lindsey Ellis' Disney Hercules video, you'll understand.

But y'know that thing with the monsters.... Kinda cool. Monsters coming in from the pits of hell- pretty rad i guess. Well who else could throw a litany of monsters at our little hero?

Oh.

Yeah, okay, fine.

Hades, you're hired.

Yeah, the direction of this movie absolutely did a backflip the second the writers wanted Hades as their villain.

However, based on concept art, this was something they wanted from the very start and I'm sure we can all see the appeal.

I mean as soon as this movie came out so many other greek myth adaptations jumped to make Hades a bad guy, and like kudos to y'all, but this really is the easiest god you can paint as a villain. Home boy literally is dark and dank and emo as can be. Congrats we found another goblin sewer man to dress up as the mustache twirling evil-doer!

Like... This writes itself.

And pitting a god of the dead vs a mortal who's striving for immortality? It's poetry. It's an on the nose symbolism. I can't make it any clearer.

There's even an excerpt in Revelations that Disney references:

"Then death and Hades were thrown into the lake of fire." 20:14 (NIV)

Hades is written as a Devil character. He's a deal maker, soul stealer. There's so much you can do with a Mephistopheles archetype. It's always a show stopper, I mean Ursula did it with extra steps.

Hera is a goddess of the heavens. Hercules is fighting the heavens to get into Heaven(TM). That's all kinds of complicated to simplify in a kid's film.

We want a villain to be scary, to be mean, and unjustified in their cruelty.

Hera wasn't going to work since Herakles' mother (though unwillingly) is the other woman. It would paint Zeus as another morally bad person. Why on earth would Herc look up to that guy? In fact, why would he want to join a band of morally corrupt people?

So let's make a new villain.

We can have the hero endure a different kind of pain.

The damsel's story doesn't have to end tragically because of a betrayal.

Make the story relevant and simple.

What archetypes can we match up to make this ancient myth fit into the modern day?

Make it clean, and make it understandable for kids. Throw in as many myths as possible so kids can see how big this world is.

The mythology is wrong, sure, but we'll spark that interest. We can make mythology fun. It'll make kids curious to learn more about them.

It certainly worked for me, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Part V: Conclusion

This movie is an absolute blast. I think many fans can agree and though the story does have its issues (See Conflicts series), it did it's job. With such a fun and memorable cast, lovingly animated characters, and mind-melting musical numbers, it stands uniquely among the other adaptations of Greek Mythology and perhaps it's why there was a bit of a resurgence in it's popularity as time marched on.

Herakles is a tale of struggle, sacrifice, and courage. One man battled and fought to achieve the divine, but at the end of his life, he did what few other mortals were ever able to do.

And Disney's Hercules took that character and developed him in such a loving way. To see his struggle both internal and external, it's a beautiful circle when he accepts his mortality and gives up his greatest dream for love. He didn't belong anywhere, caught between heaven and earth. Yet somehow he found it with someone who had been through hell and was hungry for heaven.

And just remember.

Not every work of fiction has to adhere to these magical bylaws that dictate how your Greek Myth AU must follow. However, I would like to softly counter-point my own point and say if you are going to make interpretations of greek mythology, be they musicals, video games, fanfics, or modern retellings, one must include the soul of the character they are based on. Hadestown, Hades(the game), Percy Jackson (most of the time), and the God of War franchise being prime examples.

Disney's Hercules took these characters and made them more exaggerated and updated to fit modern archetypes that are prominent in a Western Christian based-society. To me, I still see the soul of what these characters represent, even if some things were heavily condensed or rewritten.

Stories evolve. As is the nature of living things.

Till next time, Dear Readers.

[nonsensical-questions]

Errmmm annual update,

How are things goin for ya (not about sensetale specifically, just in general)

I appreciate the general check up as i haven't posted anything in a bit, but for a little update i guess, got a new job, pays me more and doesn't give me as many hours, this is a good thing as i can pay my bills just fine without having to work as much, but i am getting called in a lot and i need more money in general so i'm sorta trying to build stuff up... got a new name, i'm still keeping my old one i just have two first names i switch between now so that was funky but it made me feel a little better so it's nice got on HRT a while ago and it's fucking with me emotionally i think either that or i'm experiencing periods as it's not all the time, but it's too soon to tell if it's this or that so right now i'm just enjoying the general effects of it and learning how to deal with stronger emotions, this is a good thing i no longer feel as dysphoric about myself but it still comes from time to time as for projects and stuff i'm working on? got quiet the load honestly, no progress on sensetale for mental health and general self confidence issues, it's still on hiatus until i can get good enough to make the sprites i need or find someone willing to help me out but in non-sensetale related projects... well... i did wanna keep some stuff a secret but some of these have been in the work for a while so... what the hell might as well show some off I appreciate the general check up as i haven't posted anything in a bit, but for a little update i guess, got a new job, pays me more and doesn't give me as many hours, this is a good thing as i can pay my bills just fine without having to work as much, but i am getting called in a lot and i need more money in general so i'm sorta trying to build stuff up... got a new name, i'm still keeping my old one i just have two first names i switch between now so that was funky but it made me feel a little better so it's nice got on HRT a while ago and it's fucking with me emotionally i think either that or i'm experiencing periods as it's not all the time, but it's too soon to tell if it's this or that so right now i'm just enjoying the general effects of it and learning how to deal with stronger emotions, this is a good thing i no longer feel as dysphoric about myself but it still comes from time to time as for projects and stuff i'm working on? got quiet the load honestly, no progress on sensetale for mental health and general self confidence issues, it's still on hiatus until i can get good enough to make the sprites i need or find someone willing to help me out but in non-sensetale related projects... well... i did wanna keep some stuff a secret but some of these have been in the work for a while so... what the hell might as well show some off

vs. mad mew mew genocide route edition! i love mew mew as a character and i've been really inspired to make something relating to her i just didn't know what to, well recently i got my insperation and have been coding it out, don't know what the ending is currently but i have a rough idea of what i want to do, hopefully you will all enjoy it the song is Dummy! from UNDERTALE: Alternate, thank them so much for letting me use the song! couldn't hope for a more fitting battle theme that just so happened to accidently match with the character i was making the fight for lol I have more projects i'd love to show off but tumblr only allows for 1 video so you'll have to have the shitty gifs instead

after undertale yellow released I loved the concept of everything so much but i really wish some more attention to the lore had been put in, but hey there was still some really cool stuff they did like i loved the guns and ammo types, so i decided to work on what it would look like for the blue soul which i nicknamed melody as her healing things are music notes and clovers are well clovers, this spawned a whole thing where i started making characters and ideas and... honestly i don't think it will go anywhere soon.... if at all but hey a mouse can dream huh? well i might as well show off some characters with little to no context huh?

not all of these are major characters but just stuff I wanted to show off, if people wanna make art or ask about it, the au name is official "Undertale: Era of Integrity" but for now you just get the designs and simple mechanics that i showed off, i have more to talk about

an underfell project! this was mainly learning to code KR and fuck around with my idea of an underfell au that takes the canon version and makes small tweaks here and there, i made some sprites to show what i mean

again not really giving out much info, if people wanna know more let me know i guess! no official name just some underfell concepts i've been working on I do wanna make some playable fights eventually but i'd need to work out some kinks first to make it all work some other projects that feel too small to sorta show off stuff of are a Tale's end sans fight (like from the comic) i was working on with friskbits actually helping quiet a lot and a help_tale sixbones fight (again from the comic) both are almost done but also both have big hurdles i'll need to get past before i finish it, for tale's end it's just... writing, frisky is normally busy and i had major writers block, writing for what you may ask? the comic surely has most of what i need right? haha I wish, there are so many options and it all comes back to that stupid flower, i have like 20 endings based on if you kill or not and then reset and do a certain action, I have the main endings coded but the great flowey remembering my resets makes it way harder to actually finalize the sixbones fight is mainly the absorb stuff, as we never saw that in the comic so i sorta had to improvise and making it looks cool! but I'm sorta just winging it i guess i'm also working on a mettaton date, this one with an overworld, you know how alphys, undyne, and papyrus all got dates? oh and sans too sorta, well toby literally mentioned dating mettaton on the kickstarter and never delivered! so i'm doing it myself, date the sexy rectangle... eventually i'm still on the overworld stuff and need to finish designing mettatons room fully, i'd show some stuff off but i'm not sure how long it's gonna be plus this post is already hella long so just gonna cut this here and maybe talk about it later there is some other stuff here and there but it's mainly just ideas, I had an idea of something something deltatravelers something something OFF but i'm prob not even gonna do that, maybe i'll make some sketches or mock ups for it later but eh i wanna finish projects first i have too many on my plate currently I know a lot of people might be mad, that i'm working on other projects and stuff while im supposed to be working on sensetale, but I'm trying to improve skills and general get better at making the content so people can enjoy it more, and when i was ready i would try and work more on sensetale maybe remake the area do new poses make new characters or sprite something unique and cool, one of the reasons i don't post or even answer questions on this is i don't want to get people's hopes up that this will return soon, i really want it to return soon but I don't have the resources or time to commit to it I had a thought that maybe, I should make this a general au project stuff, so I can show off more stuff and see what people like but i've had 20 or so projects i've never finished. I wouldn't want to show all this cool stuff off and never deliver on it. But perhaps if that is what would everyone would enjoy more, seeing progress and stuff i'm working on, if people would be okay not seeing sensetale in favor of more content? just food for thought, i want to see what people think before i act.

[alpaca-clouds]

Democratizing Media

Alright, one thing first: When politicians speak about "democratizing media" they usually mean something else then what scientist say, when they use those words. Politicians mostly mean something along the lines of "media should say what I want instead being controlled by some coorporation, because like I am elected, right?" Meanwhile scientist mean something else.

You see, before the internet became easily accessible for most people, the only way to access media was through certain outlets. TV stations, the cinema, some publishers and some record lables.

Yes, sure. Technically self-publishing was a thing even back then, but without the ease of the internet... How were you to market your own book or comic? And self-made music usually just circulated on copied and copied again casette tapes.

Usually, if you wanted to create media that actually people would see, you had to go through a big company. And those companies could very much decide who got to make movies and tv, who got to publish music or books or comics. Not only where those decisions controlled by capitalist interest, but also by nepotism and cultural biases, given that a lot of the people making those decisions where (and still are to these days) white, cis, abled men.

But when the internet came around things changed. Because suddenly everyone had a way easier time in getting their stuff out there. Pretty early on there were websites where people could just publish their stories and comics online. Either free and hosted by some other website or paid on their own site. Which was pretty revolutionary, especially as suddenly ideas that had been ignored could reach a new audience.

Voices, that by news media and such had been ignored so far - voices of women and marginalized folks - could suddenly broadcast over all sorts of channels.

And yes, you could also just publish your music and what not online, could also do your own research and offer it to the world and could actually get heard.

Now, we all know that this came with ups and downs. Because while finally marginalized people were heard like this, it also gave a bigger platform to some fringe conspiracy groups and the like. But at least there was a chance to get your stuff out there.

Social media websites and the like played a big role in this. Especially Youtube, of course, but other sites, too........ which of course brings me to the problem. Or rather to the question: "Is media democratized right now?"

Because it isn't, of course.

Right now we have these chokepoints, where you kinda are forced to push whatever you create through a channel. Sure, you can upload your videos on your own server, but probably nobody will see them. They need to be on youtube. Just like your music now needs to be on spotify and itunes. And if you self-publish a book, it kinda needs to be available on amazon or you won't sell shit. And if you have your own little blog and do not promote it on social media (or have it not integrated on a blogging platform such as tumblr) it will not be seen.

And this brings two issues with it (well, actually three). For one, as private companies those sides are able to censor you in any way they want to. They decide you cannot say the word "queer" anymore? Welp, no more talking about queer issues for you. And because they are a private company nobody can do much against it. Like with the tumblr purge. No more "female presenting nipples" for you.

The next issue is closely related: The companies in question want to make money. This they do mostly through advertisement and maybe subscriptions. Hence their goal is to keep you interacting with their website for a long while. And thus they have algorithms that decide what content you see - and hence if the content decides that something you do is not worth it or will get the wrong kind of attention... Well, nobody will get it shown. On a lot of social media we see, for example, that the negative content gets shown to more people. So writing about positive stuff does often not get you seen. (Which is why algorithms are bad. Don't fucking build your social media websites around a fucking algorithm.)

And lastly: A lot of media additionally to all of that also uses a system of partly manual currated. This is true for Netflix, who obviously want to make sure that the front page does show the stuff they either paid a lot of money for or that they produced themselves. Like, there is an infinity of great indie movies on Netflix, but if you do not know it is there, you will not see it. Same goes for a lot of Indie Games on Steam, that just go unnoticed, because they do not appear anywhere near the front page and just happen to go overlooked by folks. And in the end the big studios obviously have the money to get their games on the front page. Same with books on amazon, where just the difference in marketing budget makes sure, that certain books will end up front.

So, why am I telling all of that?

Because we still do have the tool. We can make a free, democratic internet like that. Where we do not have censorship (please note: banning people for saying hateful shit is actually not censorship, so yeah, ban them nazis). Where we do not have fucking algorithms. And where just everything has the same chance of getting seen.

Like, does not mean that there cannot be any currated lists. Like, those currator pages on steam? Those are fucking great. Lists where everyone just can make those and you can subscribe to their lists. That is amazing. But... you know. Not for the baseline experience, but for what everyone wants their experience to be like.

Just... a thing that bothers me. Based on the stuff I spoke about yesterday.

[smolwritingchick]

Just Another Smol Preview :)

Author's Note: Literally a smol preview of the beginning of the MAMA Awards 2016 chapter. Always brainstorming and switching it up so the final product may vary.

I have been thinking a lot of this idea that I have for the MAMA Awards chapter and I'm excited to write about it and see it come to life.

Like I addressed before after MAMA Awards 2016 in the story, this should be the last time I write about Hyuna. This idea came up recently and I rolled with it. I also find myself getting this chapter done faster than anticipated so I am aiming to try to get it out in June and not later than that along with the 3rd Muster chapter. Hopefully not late June.

-----------

'BREAKING! MAMA 2016 Collaboration with Cube's Hyuna and Big Hit's Jennie scrapped!'

Jennie frowned at the article as she sat by her desk in the Smartie Factory. It was crazy how things abruptly changed. Lately, Jennie and Hyuna weren't on speaking terms and issues have been occurring for a while.

It all started with the sneak dissing that Jennie had found out on her Tumblr. She loved scrolling through the tag of her name and came across a fairly popular post regarding Hyuna attending a few variety shows and interviews.

Statements such as, "Unlike the others, I don't need to repeatedly say I'm the best from head to toe. You already see it," which ARMY thought about Jennie's War of Hormone lyrics.

"Some rookies can be a bit much and try to overshine a veteran,"

"Some girls in this industry are a bit too fragile. I don't need to call myself bulletproof,"

"You mean the original version of How's This,"

Were just a handful of statements and ARMY immediately speculated she was throwing shade at Jennie.

'Uhhhh did Hyuna just sneak diss, Jennie? Am I freaking out over nothing? That bulletproof and glass line was SUS,' one comment said.

ARMY went on to do more research and they immediately figured out that there was some sort of animosity in Hyuna's words and it caused confusion in the fandom.

"The hell...?" Miss Bangtan murmured as she read about it and even saw her and Hyuna trending on Twitter.

Her stomach dropped and she felt hurt by the words. It confused her as to why she would say these things. Deciding to go straight to the source, she messaged Hyuna on KakaoTalk.

Jen: Ummmm what's going on sis? We got a problem or something? If so let's address it now. Call me when you're free

But hours later, still no reply. What officially solidified the fact there was an issue going on was when Jennie facetimed Hayoon about it.

"I'm trying to contact her so we can settle this shit now instead of over the internet. But I haven't gotten a response. I don't know how this happened. I didn't even do anything. I know we haven't talked in a while, but damn,"

And that was when Hayoon informed her what was going on from what she heard. She and other people have been overhearing her talking about how upset she was that she would be sharing the stage with Jennie for How's This. She wanted to perform it alone and on top of that felt bothered by the fact that the duet music video with Jennie started to get way more views than the original video.

"I mean it got more views because ARMY loves to support every member of Bangtan. They were bound to have the views boost," Jennie exclaimed on Facetime while Hayoon nodded. "That's one of the amazing things about them. They watched that video for me and I'm grateful but damn, is it that deep? So, she doesn't want to share the stage with me and is feeling some type of the way that her original music video didn't have that many views? Ma'am, if that was a problem, instead of throwing shots, why not talk to me face to face and express yourself? All this childishness for what?"

"I know. It's ridiculous," Hayoon said with a frown. "I had to distance myself from her. I didn't like the things she was saying. And I even talked to her about it but she blew me off and said she didn't care,"

Jennie sighed and shook her head. "Annoying...thanks for telling me...wow...the switch up is crazy...I just don't understand,"

"Of course. Still no reply?"

Jennie went to check back on the app and scoffed. "Did this bitch block me?!"

"What?! No way!"

"Wowwww. So, it's like that? Okay. I can't even contact her anymore...this is making me start to have trust issues a little bit. Like we were so close and would hang out and talk often and I trusted her with a lot of shit...I hope she doesn't spill anything personal. Because now I'm thinking about my relationship,"

"As much as I dislike her attitude, I don't think she'll spill anything especially when she is dating E'Dawn privately,"

"Yeah...I'm not going to air her dirty laundry and talk about how she got a rookie boyfriend and shit. That's unfair to E'dawn and his future career as an idol,"

"Agreed. No need to get him involved. I believe she won't involve Jungkook as well, so no need to worry,"

Jennie sighed. "When I see her at one of these award shows I'll confront her. This is ridiculous,"

"Some kind of girl's girl she is. So close to award season, too? She should not be trying to paint you as this bad person,"

"Yeah...I just don't know how long it's going to take for the public to understand how grimy she is,"

As the news of her performance with Hyuna wasn't happening anymore, Cube Entertainment and even Mnet made the excuse that they felt like Jennie was not ready to perform with Hyuna and was a bit difficult to work with. Which was a load of bull and lots of fans saw through the BS. However, Big Hit responded in defense to her saying that she was ready, she was very easy to work with and it was their loss on the collaboration.

It warmed her heart to see the company come to her defense and say she would prove doubters wrong on BTS' stage at the MAMA Awards. Hearing the news that the collaboration was scrapped made her feel down since she had been so excited to perform with someone she looked up to for many years. G-Dragon's words still rang through her mind that not everyone is your friend in the industry and the switch ups be crazy.

Now back to reality, Jennie continued to sit by her desk, deep in thought about the situation. All she wanted to do was speak to her like an adult and squash whatever issue she had with her. But with her being blocked, it was clear she wanted nothing to do with Jennie.

It had been days since the first set of disses, along with lyric changes to throw shots at her and the lack of response from Jennie had everyone talking.

People commented:

'Unbothered. I like that,'

'Hyuna cooked you!'

'Everything she said about Jennie was true,'

'Rookie! Hyuna is better than you!'

'So, are you going to respond to HyunA?'

'Damn, still no response?'

'Jennie is known for her impressive stage presence at MAMA. They could have been a powerful duo if egos didn't get in the way. Something ain't right,'

'LOL Hyuna won by default. She is taking forever to respond. Is she scared?'

'Get in the booth, Jennie. Or are you taking the L?'

'So, you just gonna let her talk shit about you like that?'

'Jennie doesn't have to respond to anything.'

'I hate how you guys are instigating this drama.'

'No response is a response, Jennie!'

'Does Miss Bangtan need her bulletproof boy scouts to help her with this one?'

'I bet Jennie is the problem. Because she and Hyuna were great friends and she must have done something wrong...'

'Time to stop hiding behind your boys, woman up and respond to your senior.'

'Respect queen Hyuna!'

'You should be lucky she even asked you to collaborate.'

'ARMY gets on my nerves. They like to spam and stream everything for bragging rights. That music video didn't deserve to get higher views than the OG!'

'Yikes...going after one of the chillest people in the K-Pop industry is not wise because if Jennie responds I bet not hear shit that she was disrespectful when Hyuna started this first. And don't try to say respect your seniors.'

'Y'all are a little too comfortable being rude to Jennie on her page...'

'Hyuna started it and Jen will finish it. Watch!'

'Hyuna is being a bit too bold running her mouth.'

'Of all people when you have Bangtan backing her? And other idols who are close friends with her? I don't understand the logic.'

'Hyuna is untouchable in the industry, no idols will come to her aid,'

'I doubt any idol will defend Jennie from Hyuna. She should handle this herself.'

'Bangtan shouldn't always have to fight her battles. She should handle this by herself,'

'Jennie handles business. She'll respond,'

Still, on social media, she saw herself getting tagged in a lot of Hyuna stuff. Come to find out she was still sneak dissing and her stans were eating it up and defending her. However, ARMY was not too happy about the abrupt attitude change and shade thrown at Miss Bangtan.

"Do you want me to say something?" Yoongi asked, who sat next to her, ready to defend her honor.

"Yoongi...no," she firmly said as she turned to him.

"The situation is so grimy. Like damn, the bitch can't share the stage with you on her song that she wanted you to be on in the first place? Why bother asking to collab?" Angelina spoke up, sitting on the couch with Namjoon. "Did she think it wasn't going to go well? She underestimated the power of ARMY's support and your talent as an artist. Those comments on that YouTube video were mainly about you, Jennie. You outshined her in the music video and she was mad about it and has been holding it in for a while. The bitch is jealous,"

"I'm just confused and thrown off by everything. Like I thought we were friends—"

"Well, she's not your friend," Angelina firmly cut Jennie off, getting upset about Hyuna. "A friend doesn't sneak diss. Fuck her,"

"Are you going to let her just bash your name like this in public?" Namjoon asked.

"She is South Korea's IT girl. Everyone loves her. And if I respond...I have a feeling I'll be public enemy number one. You know how the media is gonna twist this and make me the bad guy," Jennie reminded.

"Jen, I love your calmness, right now because you know I'll be ready to fight somebody," Angelina added. "I wish I had your calmness. But stop being nice,"

"I'm not trying to be! I'm not! I'm getting annoyed, now..." she sighed out of frustration.

"Good. Write about it,"

"Listen, I shouldn't cause Bangtan any drama. Award season is coming up...I can't be taking the attention off of us at the award shows. Like I don't even want to be involved in this drama...why can't I just have some genuine celebrity friends, that won't get mad over petty shit, like this? I'm getting PTSD from Hailey and that took a while to heal from,"

"Munchkin, you're not causing drama for us," Hobi spoke up as he leaned against the wall, next to the couch. "I know you're thinking of the negatives but the positives outweigh it. You should respond,"

"And you know that people love you, too. She is not the only beloved K-Pop idol, in the world. You've been making a positive name for yourself with us as BTS. ARMY and us will not stand for the slander. I want you to write about it all," Yoongi affirmed.

"Turn this negative into a positive," Namjoon reminded.

"Diss track incoming?" Angelina smiled.

Jennie let the rappers' words sink in as she glanced at all of them. They had a point. She couldn't just let her bash her name like this out of nowhere. On top of that, she didn't want to hear anything about being respectful to her seniors when she was getting disrespected unprovoked. It bothered her how people think they can talk to younger people in any type of way. Respect should be a mutual thing.

"For now, don't bother engaging in the drama on social media. Don't respond to any of it online. Continue to go about your day like normal," Namjoon suggested.

"Yeah...okay. You're right. All of you," she replied. "I really can't let her just get away with talking shit and not saying it directly to my face. Especially when she didn't even want to respond to my messages and blocked me. She needs to get checked,"

"Good. I'm looking forward to this," Hobi smiled.

"You and I both," Yoongi revealed his gummy smile.

Jennie chuckled and turned to Namjoon. "This reminds me a little bit of the Bobby situation and your diss at MAMA 2014. But yours was more of entertainment. Unlike this,"

The leader chuckled at that and nodded. "Yeah. Well, what are you going to do, now?"

"Handle it," she firmly responded and grabbed her notebook.

"Best news I've heard all day. Get writing," Angelina broke out into a big smile, as the others agreed.

"Mama Awards 2016. Speak your truth, there. Let's talk to the staff later about everything," Namjoon recommended.

"Okay," Jennie nodded, liking that idea. "I'll show you what I have when I'm done. Can I be alone, please? To work?"

The boys respected her decision and left her to work while Angelina stayed behind with Namjoon waiting for her outside the studio.

"Word of advice? Try the 8 Mile method. The stealing thunder strategy. You remember the movie and the final rap battle with Eminem?" Angelina asked as she got off the couch.

"Yeah. I've watched it a few times. That's not a bad idea. I'll work on it,"

[teeth-cable]

Hey. I've seen some of your HB rewrites and their pretty cool. I even like some of the ideas you came up with (ex. Stolas & Stella being political enemies rather than a married couple, imps being intersex & following a binary gender system, etc).

I was wondering if you could give me some writing advice with rewrite stuff. See, I have this portfolio-like series called 'Let's Reimagine', where I revision (i.e. rewrite and/or redesign) a piece of media (be it a show, movie, webcomic, video game, etc), whether it be something I like, or something that while I'm not a fan of, believe that it could've been great (or at least decent) had it been handled better, while also integrating my OCs (including self-inserts) into my revisions as if they were canon characters in said media. This is one of my passion projects that I'd love to bring to life someday, as I wish to make YouTube videos about them when I create my YT channel (which doesn't exist at this point in time) in the future, so for now, I'm starting small by making posts talking about my revisions on Tumblr & Reddit as like a practice run of sorts (like for ex. creating a manga and then having that manga get an anime adaptation, or creating a comic (like a webcomic) and having that be adapted into an animation of some sort (ex. series, short(s), etc), or creating a book or novel and having said book or novel being adapted into a movie and/or series).

I'm also an aspiring writer who wishes to share their stories with everyone for them to enjoy, including 'Let's Reimagine' (where Helluva Boss is one of the shows I plan on reimagining, due to the many issues it's got, especially with the increase of them in Season 2; as much as I like & enjoy HB, I do have to agree that it's kind of a mess, and I get where fans are coming from with its criticisms, especially towards Season 2). However, there are some issues of mine that I feel could detriment my writing abilities & projects (including 'Let's Reimagine') in general (ex. not thinking about potential plot holes, inconsistencies, worldbuilding/lore issues, & questionable/weak/bad writing choices/ideas, rushing into things before thinking & planning stuff out, worrying about my stories not being good enough for anyone to enjoy, feeling inferior compared to other artists & writers, people hating what I make, and thinking the worst possible outcomes; apologizes if that got a little too personal and if I (potentially) made you worried; I suffer from anxiety and have a tendency to get anxious and worked up too quickly, especially when thinking negatively, and trying to be a perfectionist, worrying that if I or my content aren't perfect, then I come across as a failure; but I assure you that I am trying to work on these issues and getting past them for the better).

So, with all that said, do you have any advice in creating & doing rewrites/revisions (ex. planning stuff out, character arcs/development, worldbuilding/lore, plot points, fixing & covering plot holes & inconsistences, fulfilling wasted/missed potential & missed opportunities, avoiding questionable/weak/bad writing choices/ideas, integrating ocs/self-inserts into said rewrite/revision, etc) to any writers out there (including aspiring ones)?

Feel free to respond back to me whenever you get the chance. Thank you and have a wonderful day/afternoon/night. 🤗💕❤️🧡💛💚💙💜💖💕🤗

This is very late, I'm so sorry it took me this long to answer your ask.

Things has changed sufficiently from when this ask was submitted. My HB rewrite is on currently on pause so I can focus on my Hazbin one instead.

I do like the concept of your Let's Reimagine series. It sounds like a fun passionate project in which you experiment with your writing and show tough love for the shows you're rewriting for. I hope soon you'll be able to release your first rewrite for the series.

I have some general writing advice and one specific advice for rewrites I personally use.

Create the world building first

If your rewrite takes place in a fantasy world, I suggest fleshing the world building first before the characters. This is a different world from our, so their rules and lore will affect these characters differently, and you should know why first to explain the certain elements of the both the characters and world. Fleshing the world building first can help create plot ideas and external conflict easier.

Have a Beta Reader

This one is standard. I suggest having a beta reader to review your rewrites and concepts. As writers, we think our stories make sense because we know the context, but to readers who don't know anything, our scripts realistically be confusing at first. Along the same vain, they can help you realize that an idea is underdeveloped or useless. Another good reason is they can offer new and improved concepts and ideas you didn’t or wouldn't think of before.

Be open to criticism

Criticism will help you grow as a writer. You don't have to like them all or listen to every piece, but still keep an open mind because they can and will help you. I heavily suggest being open to criticism specially when you’re writing a topic you have no experience in (Ex: mental illness, addiction, a specific identity). Again, not only will it help you improve, but also portray those topics better.

Rewrite

My only rewrite specific advice is to expand and flesh out ideas and characters, you felt the original show skimmed over. In both of my rewrites, I'm putting a greater focus on the world building, dark character concepts and how they intertwined with each other because the shows barely touches on them. It's your rewrite so do whatever you want with it, don’t feel limitless.

I hope this helps!

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

This gets long. It continues my obsession with old Edinburgh Fringe Festival videos. It is of interest to no one in the world besides me.

Okay, the situation is: I’ve just gotten back from a wonderful week-long vacation by the ocean, I am now home where there is no ocean, I’m starting a new job tomorrow, I’m very anxious about it (I did just start another new job a couple of months ago, but I was so desperate for a job at the time that I’d applied for everything and took the first thing I was offered, then something I wanted more came back and offered me something so I took that instead, now I start that other thing tomorrow, I would feel bad for leaving my old job so soon except that they were doing a lot of illegal shit that I cannot get into in one Tumblr post but just trust me that they broke far too many labour laws to deserve my loyalty, this is getting off topic). I just spent some time very carefully going through the Cowgate video to find a screenshot that could be my new cover image, I ended up going with this:

That was taken from this video, of an event that I refer to as Cowgate, due to it being a cow-related scandal that also took place near the Edinburgh neighbourhood of Cowgate:

I had to go through that video to find the screenshot, and this reminded me of how many questions I have about it, so I have decided to distract myself from new job anxiety by writing a post that lists just a few of my top 200 questions about that fucking video. Let’s go through it, shall we? It’s been a while since I’ve done a post that self-indulgently goes into great detail about that video that no one in the world want to think about nearly as much as I do. Not that I’ve never done that before. But it’s been a while, and that'll be a good distraction.

Essential, all-encompassing question: Where did they get the cow?

There are several possible classes of answer here, all of which inspire different follow-ups. As far as I can see, there are two overall possibilities: the cow was there when they arrived and they did not plan it, or they specifically procured a cow for this purpose. I think it’s more likely to be the former, because at the beginning of this video (a video that I put together myself, by the way, cutting out things from two different videos that I got on YouTube, because somehow this was captured twice and uploaded to YouTube by two totally separate accounts, and I combined them), you see Daniel Kitson sitting on the cow at what seems to be the beginning of the night, and he seems to be figuring out what it is along with the audience.

If it’s the former: How did it get there? Who put it there? Why did they put it there? Where did they get it? How did they feel about it being destroyed?

Did the Chocolate Milk Gang know it would be there before they arrived? If so, did they plan its destruction in advance? If the answer to one or both those questions is no, when and how did the plan formulate? How did they work out that they were allowed to do it? Presumably you can’t just destroy shit that’s on stage without consulting someone. Did they consult someone while the show was happening? Does that explain why the weapons they used all look like things they might have found backstage at the last minute? Why someone walks in during the scene and hands John Oliver a metal pipe like one out of the game Clue/Cluedo? That would make more sense if they had not prepared this beforehand.

Here's one theory of mine on that’s subject: I think the plan was formulated sometime after the first clip in this video, when the audience was shouting challenges at Kitson for things he should do with the cow (ride it, touch it, jump off it), and he told them their challenges were too easy. I think that after the camera stopped filming, the audience started issuing more difficult challenges, and one of those challenges was to rip it in half.

Another question if that’s the case: How were they initially planning to end that night? What got bumped for last-minute cow destruction?

But all my theories could be wrong. They all have the issue that I’m not sure you can get permission to destroy a large installation once a show has already started. So maybe it was the latter of those initial options, and they did plan it beforehand. Which brings up lots of other questions, such as: Why? Who thought of it? Why? What were the plans leading up to it? I still want to know where they got the cow, and how they got permission to bring it to the Gilded Balloon and destroy it on stage.

All of that can be summarized in two main questions: “Where did the cow come from?” and “How did the plan to destroy the cow come about?” But there’s another main, overarching question, which is: “What the fuck was the plan? What were they actually doing?”

I mean, clearly they were trying to destroy the cow. But why? What were the parametres of the challenge? Adam Hills says they have “three chances”, and they’ll either succeed or “bottle it”. Does that mean they tried two other times earlier in the night to destroy the cow, and only succeeded on this third attempt? That’s pretty good, if so, because this is clearly the end of the night (you see Kitson come out afterward to introduce the band, signifying that comedy is over). So it’s some good narrative planning if they managed to space out two failed attempts and then got it right at the end.

That might explain why Kitson got involved. At first he’s hanging back, just doing hype with Adam Hills. At some point, it looks to me like he figures out they’ll be here all night if he leaves them to it. He starts giving specific advice – Adam Hills is yelling Eminem songs at them, and Daniel Kitson starts saying helpful things like “combine the chisel at the hammer”. It’s shortly after that that he, as far as I can tell, decides they won’t manage this without him, even though he’s tried to tell them how to do it, so he jumps in there and helps. That would make even more sense if they'd tried this twice before and it hadn't worked, they'd agreed on some sort of challenge (with the audience, maybe) in which they had to do it in three tries, also it was the end of the night and the last night of the Festival and they wanted to get it fucking done.

I might be wrong, it's difficult to tell, but I think Daniel Kitson was right to think they needed him, because he's the one who actually ended up breaking it. I've tried to figure this out before, mainly because I've decided I desperately want a Taskmaster one-off live task someday in which they wheel the Taskmaster cow on stage in the studio in front of these five people and tell them that the first person to break it in half wins. So even though it was a collective effort, I want to know who actually would win if this were a Taskmaster task. And I think it may have been Kitson. You can see him kick it pretty hard, then hit it once with his hammer, and then it immediately comes apart and he throws his hands in the air in celebration:

It might have been too much of a joint effort to give the points to any one person, though. John using leverage definitely helped.

The other option for what “three chances” means is it was only meant to be three people trying to destroy the cow: David O’Doherty, Demetri Martin, and John Oliver. That would mean they didn’t really succeed in their challenge, since Daniel Kitson ended up helping. But I don’t know if it really makes sense – do three people working together and concurrently count as three separate chances?

Look, let’s go through the lyrics to really understand everything going on here. From Mr. Adam Hills:

If you had three chances... Would you take 'em? Or would you quite literally bottle it?

I've covered the "three chances" thing already; I don't quite know what he means by that. But I'm also not sure what he means by "bottle it". I know that's slang for fucking things up, but why would they literally bottle it? The use of the words "quite literally" imply that an actual bottle is somehow involved in this. I have no idea how.

His palms are sweaty, his hair is sweaty, He's ready to shoot spaghetti

This is a sort of parody ("parody" might be a word that gives it more credit than it deserves) of Lose Yourself by Eminem, obviously, since that's the beat that's playing in the background. I point this out only because it comes back later, when he starts singing a different Eminem song, having apparently forgotten which one he was supposed to be doing.

He's got a cow on stage It's got red horns, it's all the rage

I find those lyrics worth mentioning because here's another video from earlier in that same night (one that I also put together by combing clips from two separate YouTube videos):

Adam Hills is freestyle rapping there, but he got the idea of rhyming "stage" with "all the rage" from David O'Doherty, who had used the same rhyme in his own on-the-spot rapping earlier in that same Late 'n' Live show.

It's cow tipping, it's not quite shitty Get that cow down in this city Take it up the Royal Mile, attack it with a hammer

The Royal Mile is a stretch of road in Edinburgh that I think is meant to be a central hub of people and bars and whatever wild things happen during that festival. In the YouTube comments of one of those videos (the original one, that I cut up to make the one linked in this post), someone said they did, in fact, carry the broken cow up the Royal Mile after they'd crowd surfed it out of the building. So apparently enough planning had gone into it beforehand so that they knew, at this point, that that's what they wanted to do. Maybe that was part of the challenge? They had to break the cow in half and then carry it up the Royal Mile?

At this point I will skip a few lines, because even I cannot bring myself to type out every word that Adam Hills said around the line "fuck the udder", but I do find it very funny to watch Adam Hills getting really into his role as hype man, while Daniel Kitson watches beside him, tries to look like he's also playing the hype man because that's what he's supposed to do, but he knows he needs to also be actually paying attention to how the whole thing's going and making sure to keep it on track. He's trying to look as though he's fully thrown himself into it and isn't putting any effort into controlling the gig, whereas Adam, I think, has genuinely thrown himself too far into it to keep anything on track. Does that say something about their different styles of comedy and/or compering? Possibly. Adam Hills definitely grew into a host who could keep a live show on track (and has done it on many Fridays for many years), but it never seems as natural for him as it does for Kitson to have one eye on appearing to be fully caught up in stuff, and one eye on keeping tight control over the situation.

Anyway, the result is Adam yelling increasingly nonsensical shit around the words "fuck the udder", and then Kitson puts one hand over his mouth and one in the air in an exaggerated parody of a hype man, but what he actually says is:

Davey, Davey, what you need to do is combine the chisel and the hammer

Not hype. Genuine advice designed to get this done so they can win the challenge and get out of here. I find it quite funny how David O'Doherty was diligently focused on the cow for the whole time, until Kitson yelled that at him, when he suddenly stopped and looked up like "Oh... right, yes, I'll get right on that."

I also enjoy the way John Oliver looked up at him too while he was yelling this helpful advice, like, yep, that's the guy I'm on the same page with, the one who will do the rapping but only with full awareness that it's all bullshit and we just need to accomplish the task and go get milkshakes:

There’s Martin, Demetri Martin The Perrier win has left me smartin’

That is a reference to something that would have just happened, as this is the last night of the Fringe Festival and I assume they do awards at the end. Adam Hills had, in fact, been nominated for the Perrier Award that year, but Demetri Martin had beaten him. He had also been nominated the previous year, and lost to Daniel Kitson. And he'd been nominated the year before that, and lost to Garth Marenghi (Matthew Holness and Richard Ayoade). After 2003, he was no longer eligible for the award, putting him in the James Acaster class of people who were nominated several times but never won (not as many times as Acaster, but still).

John Oliver, he’s the man If that pipe won’t do it nothing can

You could make a lot of money if you put that on t-shirts and sold them. People won't even need to know the context.

David O-ha-doch-her-ty He comes from Ireland, the land of the green Daniel Kitson, he’s got a hammer He’s also got one motherfucking stammer

I mean, the way he added several extra syllables to DO'D's name so it'll scan for a song is still far from the least accurate pronunciation of that name that I've heard. What I like about this part is how absolutely no one reacts. They are all so engrossed in their cow destroying task, no one even looks up at Adam. DO'D doesn't want to engage with whether Ireland should be reduced to "the land of the green". Kitson does not retort about his stutter. Martin won't be drawn into competitiveness about the Perrier Award. They all have a very important job to do and will not be distracted.

It's time break this cow down It’s time to break this cow down It’s not time to chow down It’s time to break this cow down

Is anyone else beginning to suspect that Adam Hills may not have been 100% sober during the recording of this video? Though it is worth noting that the Chocolate Milk Gang got their name because they drank milkshakes instead of alcohol after late-night Edinburgh shows. Stewart Lee called it "a cult of abstinence built around Daniel Kitson" - which probably says more about Stewart Lee than anything else, if he thinks not getting drunk every night is a cult, but still. I think that means that the Chocolate Milk Gang members in this video (Kitson, Oliver, O'Doherty, Martin) all were sober they whole time they were taking apart the cow.

Late 'n' Live, Late 'n' Live, it's the very last night It's time to wrap this show up tight Send out the front, send out... Break the cow, break it in half Lead it out the front to the path

Another reference to bringing it out the door. So that must have been part of the challenge from the beginning, not something the audience spontaneously did. Break it in half, crowd surf it out, take it up the Royal Mile. But why?

Karen Koren, she's outside She's got petrol dripping down her eyes There was a fire at the Gilded Balloon The police found no one else was to blame If this season doesn't go well This fucking venue's going up in flames

Okay, it took me a while to work out the meaning of this part, but I know it now. Karen Koren was (and still is) the owner of the Gilded Balloon venue, which hosted (and still hosts) Late 'n' Live, a show that runs late into the night during multiple nights (most nights or maybe even all of them, I get the impression, at least back then, but I'm not entirely sure of that) of the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. Late 'n' Live has one person hosting all night, bringing on different comedians who do different stuff throughout the night, the lineup changes depending on availability and other stuff. Then when they're done (around 3 AM, I think, at least back then), they bring out a band to play and it becomes a dance floor. Daniel Kitson hosted it for several years in the late 90s/early 00s, and that's what was happening here, in 2003. It was, as Adam Hills said earlier, the "very last night" of the 2003 Edinburgh Fringe Festival, and this was that night's Late 'n' Live show, hosted by Kitson with all these other comedians around throughout the night. That's all useful context.

In late 2002, there was a fire in Cowgate, which is the neighbourhood in Edinburgh where the original Gilded Ballon was. The Gilded Balloon burned down, and was rebuilt nearby. So this event, less than a year later, is taking place in the rebuilt version.

So here's what Adam Hills was saying (jokingly, it's worth clarifying) with that verse: Karen Koren, owner of this building, is currently outside with petrol. If this year's shows at the Gilded Balloon don't go well enough to make as much money as she wants, she'll burn the building down (I guess for the insurance money or something, to make up for insufficient revenue). He's implying that that's how the previous year's fire happened, the police incorrectly found no one to blame, and she'll do it again if they don't make her happy.

The cow's in half, the cow's in half Let's hear it for the cow in half! My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why I Get out of bed at all The morning sun goes up my window, and I can't see at all Even if I could it'll all be grey But your picture on the wall Reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad...

All those lines after "Let's hear it for the cow in half" are from the Eminem song Stan, which is a different song from Lose Yourself, the one he was doing at the beginning. It is funny that Adam Hills forgot what Eminem song he was singing and started doing the wrong one. But it's not shocking. Because here's a clip from 4 at the Fringe, a BBC Radio 4 show that was recorded at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival - this episode was recorded at the Fringe in 2003, with Adam Hills compering, and here is doing some of his material between a couple of the acts:

At the Fringe Festival in 2003, Adam Hills had a bit in which he sang some of the Eminem song Stan. I assume all the bits he did during his compering were taken from his larger set that year, which means he'd have been doing that nearly every night for a month, every time he performed. So it was in his head. When he was, I'm going to guess, drunk, and he was on stage and hearing Eminem, he just automatically started singing Stan because he'd been doing it all month.

Crowd surf the cow, people.

Once the cow is broken in half and being crowd surfed out of there, Daniel Kitson high fives Demetri Martin and David O'Doherty, turns around to high five John Oliver, then hugs Adam Hills, like a sports team that's just won a big game. Great work everyone, real strong teamwork out there, couldn't have done it without you all, okay, hit the showers.

It is, and this is only the slightest of exaggerations, the cutest shit I've ever seen.

This video is going to haunt me for the rest of my fucking life. It's keeping me awake at night. If I could ask any of those comedians one question, my brain would pass by all the interesting intellectual things I want to know about some of my favourite creators of valuable works of artistic merit in the world, would give up the chance to learn anything about any of that, just to ask, "Where did you get the fucking cow?"

[luthienmpl]

Watching/Rewatching/Planning to Watch List

I was tagged for this weeks and weeks ago by @mellens but I kept not doing it because I was stuck in a MUST!FINISH!STICHING PROJECTS!!!! phase and was watching quite literally nothing at all except Critical Role (no need to read subtitles or even look at the video footage most of the time with that one), so my list would have been very uninteresting for readers and frustrating for me personally. However I have now FINISHED THE PROJECTS (YAAAAY!!!) and am trying to coax my brain out of hyper fixation mode and back into watching some stuff. I'm partially doing this post now to hold myself accountable, lest I end up just aimlessly scrolling through tumblr still not watching anything instead.

Watching:

Between Us: I'm uhhhh *checks Wabi Sabi page* in ep 4. I watched 4 1/4 probably like.... 3 weeks ago? I will start this ep over this week probably. I'm enjoying it so far and like many others, it gives me an urge to rewatch UWMA.

My Tooth Your Love: I had to log back into Viki to check where I was, that's how long it's been. Apparently I have watched eps 1-4. I watched this more casually while I was still keeping up with it but I do wanna know where they're going with bar-owner's trauma induced anxiety issues (literally I can't remember what anybody is called in this, it's been so long) so I'll probs pick it up again at some point.

Big Dragon: Gaga tells me the last ep I watched was ep 5. I did quite enjoy that one while it was going even though it's ridiculous, the problem is that I've been spoiled a lot with this one so there's less of an urgency to pick it up again. On the other hand there's only 3 episodes left so it still shouldn't be much of a problem to finish.

My School President: This is the first show I have picked up to get myself back into watching mode, I started it Friday night and caught up with it yesterday evening. It's very cute, and surprisingly I'm enjoying all of the singing so far.

Dropping: I was watching Remember Me and Eternal Yesterday before the big break but from what I've heard Remember Me has gone off the rails hard and Eternal Yesterday ended about as you'd expect so I think won't bother with either of them.

Re-watching: Bad Buddy. I ran out of Critical Role and I was obsessed with BBS enough while it was first released that I can just let that one run in the background without looking at it a lot and still follow what's happening. Ngl though, the evening that I hit the Rooftop Kiss not a lot of stitching got done.

Planning to Watch:

Those coffee shop shorts that Vibie is putting out: I loved GHGH and am not averse to seeing more of Boy and Tod (also i hear there's a GL ep!)

GAP: I WILL START IT TODAY. I WILL OKAY. LISTEN THE SHOW IS JUST.... !!GAP!! IN MY MIND OKAY IT'S LIKE A BIG DEAL SO THAT TRANSLATES INTO ME BEING RELUCTANT TO START IT FOR SOME REASON? I DON'T UNDERSTAND EITHER BUT I'M STRUGGLING UGH IT'S LIKE

Never Let Me Go: I hated FUTS and dropped it halfway through but it's not like the bad writing was the actors' fault and I hear good things about this one so far, so yes.

609 Bedtime Stories: I'd like to see OhmFluke in something other than UWMA but the Sunshine Night one certainly Wasn't It so I'm hoping this one is at least a little better. It's low priority though, I'll get to it when (if) I'll get to it.

History 5: I was not impressed with H4 At All but, well. It's still History. I hear there's time travel involved somehow? At least that's creative.

I'm vaguely aware there's a couple Korean office ones floating about, I'll probs watch those ones eventually, but the Korean stuff is so short that half the ones I've watched had no emotional impact on me at all, so they're also low priority currently.

Feel free to leave recommendations in the notes, I'm pretty out of the loop and unaware of release dates atm.

As I feel like I'm the Last Fucking Person to do this and I know quite a lot of my long time mutuals have done their lists already, let's take this as an opportunity to get to know some newer follows a little better. So I'm tagging @boosnbugs, @aliceisathome and @chimerasinourskyline. Feel free to ignore if you don't wanna and sorry if you made a list already that I'm unaware of.

[olivieraa]

I've a busy few days ahead but can't start anything for another 3 so I'm wasting time by doing this for my own curiosity cause why not

so my abridged run-through with my niece continues, and I have a few opinions on the abridged series this time around

but before the opinions, I wanna figure out the timeline (not highly in depth, but partially, bc it'll still be a long post even without me going into depth).

2007-2008 - is when I believe the show started.

the channel itself was made in 2007, but ep 1 doesn't have its original date under it as it is a reupload. the reason I know is bc ep 31 says 2008, but eps 1-30 say 2009 which is obviously wrong. I do remember Konami or something kept getting LK's videos flagged.

oh and these eps during this time were uploaded weekly.

I think, and its not definite, that I may have started watching the show around the time when these eps came out:

2010 - is when I personally got into the show. there's a CHANCE it was 2009, but I'm going with 2010 for simplicity's sake.

my life during 2010. I was just finishing up school and was about to move to our 6th house. I'd just turned 18 as well. I remember joking about the abridged in school with some friends. in fact, I skipped school a lot and chilled in a friend or two's house while we watched it, and then referenced it a lot. when I turned 18, I went to my first nightclub that night and on the dance floor, Bad Romance by Gaga came on and instead of singing "love love love I want your love" I sang "tush tush tush right on my tush" bc I'd honestly forgotten what the real lyrics were. I was even poking my friends ass. she liked my lyrics better (she had no idea what it was from tho lol). but yes 2 days later I moved away and began my first of my four years of isolation. the abridged itself, anime in general, online friends and tumblr became the winning combo for the following 3-4 years of my life, from 2010 (when I moved away) to 2014.

so I was online a lot for those years. I lived in nowhere land. imagine your house smack dab in this with one neighbour, as an 18 year old

so yes, I was online a lot. I had time to be. I had time for anime.

still 2010 - the first time I can see a big gap are these eps from 2010 during the Noah arc (aka season 3 of both ygo and ygo abridged). 48 being ep 1 of the Noah arc

48 - Aug 2010

49 - Sep 2010

50 - Nov 2010

51 - Apr 2011

so the first couple of Noah's arc eps were monthly, like usual. like how I always knew then. and then there was a bit of a jump 4 eps into Noah's arc at ep 51. but here's the thing... LK filled up a lot of space around this time with side videos. from song parodies, to the evil council of doom, to con promo vids, to just fun extras. majority of which I forgot about until right now

I esp forgot about these, they defo need a rewatch

but I'll wait till my niece is back over cause she'll definitely love that first one.

2011 - I met LK twice at two different cons during when those above Noah arc eps would've been coming out at that new slower pace, so I know he was at peak busy that specific year and the episodes were hotly anticipated at the time. so he really was doing his best. uploading not monthly anymore but still releasing fun vids in between, AND going to cons. plus like, his own personal life and issues to deal with. so it was all still steady going.

online wise for me after I'd moved, I was frequenting youtube the most to talk to people (and fanfiction for alone time lol). but mid or late 2011, I joined tumblr the same time as those youtube friends, so we chatted on here the most and youtube got lost in the abyss. and so during 2011, during my new tumblr time, ep 52 and 53 came out. and yeah, ygo was what my online friends and I found the most common ground in and that included the abridged series. the ygo fandom was growing on tumblr because of the abridged.

so ep 53 was in July 2011 but then a big gap happened and episode 54 was FEB 2012

2012 - I met rp!Florence the exact next day, Feb 8th, so I'm thinking the release of this ep (LK's first ep in after a 7 month gap) inspired the decision behind making Flo? idk.

(so I now know, thanks to making this post, that when I was online in 2012 rping and shit, the Noah's arc was near ending. but also, it had completely stopped its monthly drop at this point, which I remember was annoying, y'know, rping with an abridged character who had to take more from canon!ygo than abridged!ygo bc there was so little to go on. the pro side of that tho, is that you'd get really excited when an ep did appear. more so than before. tumblr pm went like this

so that above ep (54, Feb 7th) up to episode 58 were all done in 2012. almost like an ep was dropped per weather season. and I remember this one so well because

I got a tonne of anon messages calling my Joey 'Susan' :')

so it went from weekly, to monthly, and then as of 2012, once every 4 months.

2013 comes along - and... the first episode of that year is in JULY, and the second and only other one in 2013 was September. again, this was during my constantly online rp time. so when they did drop, it really was like

2013 had just two eps. that's it.

aaaaand... it's kind of been that way ever since. so I was right in thinking it was 2013 when the eps slowed down and became the official beginning of the rarely out eps. the past 10 years now LK will release just one or two eps a year. no side videos either, no con promos (idk if he goes to cons but he defo doesn't promo them), he did a bunch of Marik Plays Bloodlines but then stopped that and it hasn't been updated in 7 years. and he officially moved onto talking about wrestling and reviewing YGO GX.

and so here's how I feel.

first of all, the Noah's arc was out way earlier than I thought it was. I know it was still going in 2012, but I thought it started in 2012, when in actuality, it was going for 2 years, since 2010. during the time I was in school! I was shocked learning that. I also consider Noah's arc to be the worst arc, but I didn't think that while watching it back in the day, just upon rewatch

watching the show now in my 30's and passing it onto my niece (she's prob too young for it but she does love the kid friendly jokes, also she thinks I'm like Kaiba and she's Mokuba) it has a heavy nostalgic feel to it ofc. like I said, it was around during very specific times in my life, when it needed to be basically, and during the past 10 years, it became the "oh hey, a new ep just dropped on youtube" show that you don't think about UNTIL an ep drops. you're not waiting for it. it just appears. and when it does you're like :))) and you pick up from where you left off bc its easy enough to do without looking back on past eps bc its... well its a parody. there's no solid "plot"

to "review" it in a sense.... ok. in 2012... I was just happy to have an episode bc like I said, they weren't monthly anymore. and there was always something funny about them. whether it was one joke or four jokes. however, I didn't notice it then, but the quality dropped significantly (but luckily picked up by the end of 2012 and did eventually get better)

so where the bad starts imo... if you watch this episode (the last episode RIGHT before the Noah's arc, an early 2010 ep), its full of classic moments

its highly quotable and its memorable. this could be due to LK's favouritism towards Marik so he puts his best jokes onto Marik like "use the celtic guardian aibouuu" to "a rhetorical WANKER" to "you tell 'em, honey!" and then the Stand By Me singing. its a v good, memorable ep.

ep 47, the first ep of Noah arc, follows it and it... just goes downhill. all of Noah's arc is quite bad, and the main problem I found while rewatching, was that the jokes were draaaaagged out. the penguin thing, the stairs thing, Tristan being a "funny guy", and lots more. it was annoying. and the additional voice actors weren't good either, with the exception of two of them sounding almost exactly like the dub voices, so I'll give them credit for that

now like I said, LK was at his busiest in 2011 (which would have been exclusively Noah's arc eps which are the worst eps), and it was straight after Noah's arc that he uploaded less frequently. and he was diagnosed with depression which probably affected him during this whole arc and so he basically knew, to give out the quality people wanted, he had to resort to taking more time for himself and uploading less. and for his health it was obviously the best decision, but even for his channel it was too.

so to repeat - end of 2012 saw the end of Noah's arc and I remember this ep dropping and everyone quoting it

and also this one like I already said

they still weren't LK's best but they were better. and the abridged was important to me in 2012 eps considering I had an abridged partner, so we were always happy to get new content.

this 2013 ep to me was the return of classic abridged

it was so good that my friend at the time changed her username to one of the quotes from the ep. and why was it so good? bc there was a 7 month gap between this ep and the last, and like I said, uploading less frequently ended up working wonders for LK. he had time to plan it well.

2014 - end of season 3 (noahs arc and battle city combine. just 3 eps that year

2015-2018 - season 4

2019&2020 - nothing

2021-2025 - season 5, ongoing.

so anyone that has seen the original YGO knows season 5 has two parts. the grand champion ship part that nobody likes (14 eps), and the Egyptian arc which finally gives Bakura the spotlight (26 eps).

he is currently still in that first part, and has prob 3 more eps left of it.

so yes, he uploaded nothing in all of 2019 and 2020, which I honestly would've thought during the pandemic it would be the change he'd needed to be able to upload more frequently. but nope, it was all this instead

he only returned then in 2021 and so far has released just 4 eps from 2021 to 2024.

that Joey one being only a couple of months ago.

so its for sure at a super slow once a year pace.

ngl, I am curious about his mindset, but this stems from my own ignorance, and I'm sure with a bit of research (and profile stalking) I could probably figure out why its so rare. but I don't care that much despite this post. like I can say - why doesn't he upload a slight bit faster (nobody is out here waiting for an ep a month, but at least 3 eps a year?). or I can think - does he still think fans from 15 years ago are gonna stick with him to the end? does he think his fans are that die hard?

but again, being ignorant - idk how youtube works. idk how creators get paid. idk if he gets paid for the eps. idk if he gets paid more (or only) for non eps (and so therefore abd eps are the last things he wants to do bc no pay). idk if this is his job or he has a day job. idk what his current health status is. idk if he's still doing the eps just to finish the show or bc he actually likes doing it. idk how he views the fact that majority of old fans are prob not around anymore. idk if he's actually online all the time, just not on youtube.

I don't know.

I quickly checked just there and he's still frequenting twitter

but also

what

there's drama in the abridged world????

I'm.................. so out of touch.

how active is the abridged fandom even. are they all gen z. are they all offended by the old jokes, I assume so tbh

I'm bewildered, don't care enough, but still curious

for another day I think........

BUT ANYWAYS. yeah, I just needed to waste time. this show was special to me at one point. never thought I'd be watching it with my 7 year old niece. she's addicted. she can't wait till bed time. this is her bed time story. Joey is her fave, so she was raised right. ...even if that's a different type of Joey it still applies.

I... think I'll be watching this show up until it ends. I'm not really a social media person. Im not subbed to many on youtube. but I never unsubbed LK so I see the eps drop randomly sometimes a year. and in another 10 years (I mean at this pace, probably) I'll most likely still be watching it. I'm generally smiling the whole time anyways

[hesperidia]

my experience learning how to gif:

Yesterday i wanted to do a funney post at 1am and i felt it needed a gif, so i Tried to follow this tutorial which is very well explained (linking if someone else would like to try it out??), but instantly encountered issues like:

not having the correct programs to work with (the video downloader and program to take screencaps. i couldn't manage to download versions for windows (maybe i'm just tech illiterate but it really slowed the process)

my version of PS (portable) is very broken and you can't do anything on it without getting error messages and/or freezing my laptop to death

my laptop is a brick. yes this explains a lot

So, i started with downloading the videos using a firefox addon that only let me get 720p (this explains a lot) (i chose enstars mvs for practicing bc they are readily available in youtube)

Then, i used a website to get the screencaps in .png (i've to test if .jpeg looks better? idk enough about different file types). this website also lets you crop videos and that's what i did in my 2nd try, instead of cropping the frames with ps (which freezes my laptop :) ).

The function in ps that lets you import each file as a layer is broken in my program, so i had to manually import them into my art program of choice (sai), arrange and name them one by one. Save that as .psd and opening it again in ps (this is the most time consuming tedious step EVER).

Once i did all that, making the actual gif wasn't that bad. ps timeline is fairly easy to use. HOWEVER i can't convert all the frames into smart objects (i think you have to do that?) to proceed with the editing/sharpening/coloring part as explained in the tutorial. (i had almost an aneurysm last night bc of this bc i kept getting errors and white frames in between) so the three gifs i did were just unedited.

Things i learned:

More frames -> smoother gifs (fork found in kitchen) i tried to gif something with few frames it ended up super crunchy and impossible to time right

Timing is a pain i just set everything to 0,1 and hope for the best

Sharpening does not work well with 3d models (from the es mvs, i tried editing a single frame to see how it'd look and didn't like it, but i should mess around with it more)

Need better programs and a laptop that won't die on me but i'm not going to become a gifmaker, like i said i just needed a gif for a silly post which i could've easily done online but i didn't want to sleep last night ^-^

I don't quite understand how to size gifs yet and the tumblr requirements for them but that's for another day.

Trying to do it with an online version of "photoshop" to see if i can avoid the errors

?????????

that's all idk why i wrote all this. shu jumpscare:

[omsdoortodoor]

Door to Door Challenge Departure date minus 18 weeks

As promised, we took the brave move to put ourselves on camera, which we thought might be a little more interesting for you than just reading the blog all the time. Our great friend Claire, kindly offered to be our ‘Interviewer’ and she did an amazing job. Thank you, Claire.

However

No matter what I do, the video is too big to upload to tumblr. Tech frustration is the worst.

So I will keep trying over the next few weeks, but if any techie person thinks they can help please get in touch!!

In other news

Ian’s week

“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving”. Albert Einstein

A new bike computer.

This week saw a change for me. I’ve never been one for technology. I avoided a mobile phone for years, and when I did get one, it was a “brick”! So, on Thursday I took control of a Hammerhead Karoo 2 cycle computer. Or is it taking control of me? I used it for the first time on Friday for a training ride. I must remember to look where I’m going instead of the map in front of me! It’s interesting to use. If you go wrong the route is highlighted in red, on a climb it's in blue and shows how long the climb is. I may disable this for the last two climbs in the Pyrenees!

I’m sure I’ll get used to doing what I’m told instead of writing down various en-route villages on a piece of paper & hoping I can remember them.

I also did a gym session on Tuesday. The weather was too bad even for me to go out on the bike, so I did 35 minutes in a spinning bike & 35 minutes on resistance weight machines mainly leg exercises. Totally un-connected I also had a session with my Osteopath later that day and she told me I needed to work on my back and neck as well as my legs, so she went through a couple of exercises for me to work on.

One thing I forgot to mention last week, is that towards the end of the trial ride to the Bakers Arms I took a little spill, I misjudged a curb whilst looking for a cycle route sign and ended up with a couple of bruises and a grazed knee. I also slightly twisted the handle bars on Bike No 2, so I put it on the stand that Ewan has kindly lent me and gave it a good clean &and check over before straightening it up.

I had my birthday this weekend, a lovely day planned by Jane which included a lunch at The Lost Kitchen followed by an evening meal with friends before going to “Bonkers Bingo” in the village hall.

One present I received was a book of cycling quotes, some of which I will include in this blog, the first being at the begging of this one.

Jane’s week

A quieter week for me, but along with the usual training I had the delights of having to reapply for my driving licence. This is something I have to do every three years as a result of my MS and the eye issue that is related to it. There were 11 pages to complete in hardcopy, which is not great for someone with an eyesight issue. But going through the forms reminded me of the proper name of my eye condition. I have been incorrectly calling it Opitic Neuritis, which can come and go. Going back over my diagnosis letters reminded me that I actually have something called a right inferior homonymous quandrantanopia. No surprise that I can’t remember what it is called. So, the forms have been sent to the DVLA and I am expecting to be asked to have a particular eye test. I am not allowed to know the result; it has to be sent confidentially to the DVLA. So, then I wait. Technically, if I don’t meet the standard for driving, then my licence will be taken away immediately, forever. Not only is that pretty grim but it would also put a massive spanner in our OMS Door to Door plans. But to be honest, I am fairly confident that my tests will reach the required standard.

Thank you for reading and listening and thank you once again to Claire. If you would like another interview further down the line, please let us know by messaging one of us.

Jane and Ian