#tsubasa understanding what one does for sake of love

[frida--y]

[cacaitos]

(setting lhc aside for the moment) well, let's get out of the way the long overdue thoughts on blue period, mostly for the sake of further conversation. (mucho texto tw)

clearly i lost the peak on popularity and attention it had and at this point, if you've heard it's good in that good taste gang type of animanga fan voice, well yeah it is. i gots nothing new to say on that regard. if anything the tone and artstyle were the differentiating factors from the outside impression i got from it, not so much on the big strokes (like the spokon-like sense of urgency and vigor, but that's serious enough that people seem to express being moved in specific ways).

those things i get- but tsubasa's incredibly thin and sinuous line art, and her high contrast, flatter use of shadows (and inking)- i think were the ones that best ended up portraying yatora's feelings. in my opinion, the greatest feeling i got all through reading BP was tension, a certain uneasyness. now BP isn't necessarily a downer series- it's got its consistent sense of optimism and interpersonal warmess- but it ambients always have a certain air of loneliness, coldness, the aforementioned uneasyness and sensation that there's always Something- that something is gonna happen or that something is lurking aorund- that sort of feeling yk?

the lineart, to me, makes me think of asumiko nakamura's and her bodies that- while they do evidence her skill with the line and detail- at moments feel almost grotesque or sort of uncomfortable to look at, at least. tsubasa's even thiner lines, while she doesnt get to the point of nakamura (and im not saying she was inspired by nakamura. dunno if she's that popular to inspire people like that), make her characters- their expressions and body, look even more fragile, like a balloon about to burst, a thin skin.

clearly a lot of the time is dedicated to make understand that yatora is less of a social butterfly, much more shyer, more sensitive, more concerned and aimless than he might seem at first glance. much more fragile, in personality and identity, than he might have thought of himself. within the undercurrent of all the takes in the manga of what makes good art, or a good artist, as an extension of the many ways one can define one's idenity and relationshisps with others, i cannot really tell you which is more true or anything like that... but what i do feel is that in yatora's pursuit to find out, more often than not, what he results in is alienating himself from others (from the abovementioned traits). now, obviously some stories about identity do end up having similarly arduous and downer types of arcs but usually more on the Relationships Are Dificult angle than the stressful part being the action itself of selfdiscovering, an stress of the Individual. i said in my LB that if you told me BP was a cautionary tale i would believe you (half joking tbh), mostly refering to this seemingly (in my opinionnnn) downward emotional arc yatora seems to be going into so far in the story. i understand it's not necessarily a bad thing it's *happening* bc some parts are just gonna be tough and can ease with time, but it's nonetheless a fact that it *is* happening and feels bad.

closing, with the paragraphs stating how i feel about the art and specifying the uneasyness, and the above part on yatora now i think i can elaborate on why the former complements the latter, though it's probably apparent by now. yes the loneliness of shadows felt the strongest as the gedai exam approached and yatora's physical state worsened against his loved ones preocupation, and on the cold room he was in with yuka. the same room they did their self portraits and the odd lineart shows us as awkward as yatora (or yuka, anyway) sees himself (following the theme of identity etc). yes it's stressing to wonder if he passed and relaxing when he did, but the tone hasnt changed one bit. *here*, when he does get to gedai is that the real uneasyness starts and contrary to the clear objective or urgency of the exam, there's not really anything that allows for that tension to be released. nothing bad is happening and being a bit hurt is part of the process, yes; he as many others does have to learn to take critiques and not break down as easily, yes; but the tension persists.

it is a style that portrays very closely his sense of aimlessness of coming of age, of profession, imo. of shallow accomplishment -not bad- but rather non-cathartic. at the verge, and never quite there, of an emotion. of course we're in the middle of the story i assume so it's not like i find the sense of unreleased tension comes out of nowhere if anything particularly important happens, but also there's just a certain reality to that sort of static state.

but while yatora's spirits seem to go progressively down while relatively good things happen to/around him, and he seems to.. administrate his emotions better or at least neutralize them, all i can worry about is something like the exam rash happening again. a combination of his alienating tendencies and unexamined, unattended personal and honest feelings and needs. hence why i mention the neverending sense of tension so much, bc now what was limited by the Event creeps much more slower and all the time as he navigates this part of the story where he's much more heavily scrutinized.

[everythingsinred]

Let's Talk About NatsuMikan: Natsume (pt. 27)

The closer we get to the end, the more nervous I am, and maybe you are too, because things are going to go horribly awry and only suffering is to come. Fate is adamant that a specific twelve year old must die, and we really have no choice but to watch it all unfold.

In this part, we will discuss the chapters building up to the New Year's Concert, where Reo will attempt to assassinate the ESP.

Chapter One Hundred and Forty-Six

Ruka finds Natsume in the snow. He asks where he’s been, and Natsume responds that he went to see Mikan. Natsume imagines that Ruka will be jealous, because he feels guilty. He’d been putting his own wants first this whole night, and he hadn’t even considered Ruka.

Expectation vs. Reality. Ruka, best boy.

But Ruka is not jealous, or he’s very good at hiding it. He beams at Natsume, offering only congratulations and support. He’s happy for them, that both of their wishes came true. In fact, Ruka was also wishing for it, that Mikan and Natsume could find each other.

Natsume apologizes, because Ruka’s cheerful support only makes him feel more guilty, but he doesn’t tell him for what. He will not recount the details of the night, particularly of the many kisses shared between him and Mikan.

There’s a happy moment between Natsume and Ruka until, of course, Natsume starts coughing violently. He coughs up blood again, and when Ruka asks him if he’s okay, he’s ready to downplay it, already hiding his hand so that his best friend won’t worry. But Ruka grabs his hand and looks at the blood on the glove, and there’s a somber moment between them. Natsume tries to talk, but Ruka knows he’s just going to try and downplay it again, so he interrupts.

The best friendship in all of fiction. I stand by this forever. You can't change my mind.

Ruka has watched Natsume suffer the whole time they’ve been at the academy, even before then. He might not have had all the details, but he’s known that Natsume’s life was agony. He was helpless, and even became a burden (in his own view, not Natsume’s). He pleads with Natsume not to hide from him anymore. They’re meant to be best friends, and all Ruka has ever wanted was to be Natsume’s support system, but Natsume shut him out in the guise of protecting him. He keeps all his pain locked away and deals with it on his own.

Watching someone you love suffer and not being able to do anything about it is a tremendous pain, Ruka says. Natsume must sympathize. He will say something similar later on about Mikan’s situation.

Ruka loves Natsume. Natsume might have thought that he dragged his only friend into a bottomless pit of despair but Ruka asserts he’s never once regretted following him to the academy, not even for a second.

Ruka is confessing now. Natsume must know now that his existence is important to at least two people who love him unconditionally, but he doesn’t internalize it. Maybe he can’t. He’s too stuck in the role of martyr that straying from it would go against the very fabric of his own identity. He exists and has always existed to protect others. Protecting himself or even considering himself doesn’t align with that identity. No matter how much Mikan and Ruka plead with him to keep himself safe, he can’t abide. They’re more important than he is. He fails to see how much heartbreak and sorrow he will leave in his wake of self-destruction.

Natsume can’t internalize it. He can’t take it in and change course. It’s too late for that, in his mind. But he can tell Ruka the truth, because supporting Natsume is all Ruka wants.

He confesses too. He’s afraid. He doesn’t like thinking about the future, not even a year from now, because he’s scared he’ll be dead by then.

He says his secret fear out loud, that he won’t be able to protect her, and it’s still so heart-breaking that he still only sees his own value in how much he can protect people. He will shorten his own life to get her out of the darkness she’s ended up in. He doesn’t see worth in his existence just for the sake of living, of breathing, of smiling and laughing and crying and existing. Instead, his value is conditional. He is only so good as he is able to protect others and when he can’t anymore, then he is no longer valuable. It’s a glaring sign of a ridiculously low self-esteem.

He wants to choose life! He wants to live! Oh, this makes it worse...

But something has changed. He doesn’t want to die. He wants to live and be with her forever. He can’t be with her if he’s dead. It’s a selfish thought, and as I’ve been saying, that’s a wonderful thing. If only that selfish impulse were stronger, than maybe things wouldn’t be so doomed in the coming week. But Natsume’s ingrained martyr complex is stronger than anything, and his new flicker of selfishness doesn’t stand a chance.

Ruka promises he’ll do anything to support Natsume and Mikan’s future together. And so Natsume asks Ruka to protect Mikan if he’s no longer able to.

I personally don’t think he’s handing Mikan over here. This whole conversation’s context is specifically about protecting Mikan, and how Natsume wants only to keep her safe, even at the expense of his own life (though he’s actually more cavalier with that than he lets on, so it’s not much of an “even”, is it?). If Natsume is dead, he wants somebody he trusts to watch over her and prioritize her as he has. Who better than Ruka, who loves Mikan too and will want to keep her safe as well?

Or. You could just. Not die. Just a thought.

Natsume has never treated Mikan as an object to be won. He’s in fact made several comments about not “competing” at all. If he was able to give Mikan to Ruka, those two would be together now already and Natsume wouldn’t be the one holding Mikan’s alice stone. He is not any more capable of giving her away then he’s been before, and he’s less motivated to now than he’s ever been. Mikan is his, after all. Why would he “give her away” so soon after promising to be together forever?

He’s only concerned with Mikan’s safety and freedom here. If he dies in the pursuit of that, which he will, then someone else needs to make sure she’s safe and free. What she does with that safety and freedom is not in his or Ruka’s or anyone’s hands. I imagine Natsume, who got jealous of Mikan thinking of all her important people when making her alice stone would also get jealous at the thought of Mikan falling in love with somebody after his death. It might occur in the distant future, but it probably wouldn’t be any fun to imagine.

You may disagree with me, but I just can’t see it that way. I just don’t see it.

Chapter One Hundred and Forty-Seven

It’s New Year’s. Mikan’s birthday. There’s a celebration happening in the dorms, just like last year, but Natsume isn’t dressed in traditional garb to welcome the new year and feast like all the other students.

Instead, he’s waiting for Narumi in a hallway.

He wants all the information he can get, so he can get Mikan out of her cage sooner. Narumi isn’t talking, always willing to act dumb to get out of things. But Natsume knows better. He saw Narumi in the flashbacks, and knows how much Narumi loved Yuka. He would’ve done anything for her, even if it resulted in his own death. Narumi should understand how Natsume feels, then. He knows Mikan is suffering and in danger, but he can’t do anything about it. He says something to the effect that he shouldn’t even be living at this point, again reiterating that his life only has value if he’s able to protect people, particularly Mikan. If he’s unable to do that, then he might as well die. There’s really no difference, he says.

Jeez, kid, relax.

Narumi tries to point out that Natsume is dying, as if perhaps the kid is unaware of this, but Natsume grabs him and declares that he will not end up like him. Natsume seems to understand Narumi (probably more than I can! Haha) and that his life has been empty and soulless for a long time. Narumi is full of regret and has been for years, but Natsume won’t be like that. He won’t live with regret. He’ll do anything he can to save Mikan, and he’ll die without a single regret. He also claims he won’t give up on the idea of sharing a future with Mikan, and that makes the inevitable doom of their romance all the more tragic. Natsume isn’t planning on dying. He’s not imagining that he doesn’t even have a full two days left to live. He’s thinking he’ll push himself to the end of his rope, save Mikan, and then live happily ever after. It’s naive and childish and ridiculous that he really believes he can have his cake and eat it too, but he does with his whole heart.

"I want to live," is enough for me. I stopped reading after that. LET THIS KID LIVE.

Natsume tells Narumi to stop underestimating him for his age. But Narumi agrees: he doesn’t want Natsume or any of the other kids to end up like him and his generation did. He wants things to be better, for the new generation to have a happy and hopeful future to look forward to instead of surrendering to a life of misery and regret.

Chapter One Hundred and Forty-Nine

Natsume and Ruka are something like partners-in-crime now. They both know that taking out the ESP is the only way to free Mikan. They are spying on Reo, who has come under the guise of performing for the New Year’s concert, who spills that Z wants to assassinate the ESP.

Tsubasa and Tono quickly join the conversation, although they’re somewhat unwanted.

Reo keeps talking, and now all four of them are privy to his plan. Tono scolds Natsume for trying to get involved when it’s obvious Z is already on the case. Let them do it, he says. Keep yourself safe instead of putting everything on your own shoulders. Naturally, this is Natsume we’re talking about, so no amount of logic will get into his head, but it was worth a try, Tono.

Natsume's little face here is my favorite. His little angry expressions are always the highlight of any page.

Hearing this warning, Natsume can see the sense in it. He doesn’t want to leave his fiancee alone and heart-broken by his loss (more proof that he doesn’t really believe he’ll die) tomorrow, but to his horror, Koko was reading his thoughts aloud.

Natsume is embarrassed to be put on the spot, and he didn’t want to hurt Ruka’s feelings, so he takes out his anger on Koko. Then he punishes Tsubasa for teasing him about how fast he’s going with Mikan when Tsubasa is actually just slow with Misaki. Then it’s revealed that Tsubasa did finally confess to Misaki and got the answer he wanted, which only pisses Natsume off more, inexplicably. He’d be angry either way, just because it’s Tsubasa. He probably just wants to take the focus off himself and the fact that he’s already proposed to Mikan.

Tsubasa was in fact inspired by Natsume’s commitment to protecting Mikan. He confessed because his kouhai was so determined. But he also expresses concern for Natsume’s recklessness. Protecting people is a worthwhile pursuit, but so is valuing your own life. Other people depend on him and love him, and losing would hurt. He doesn’t have to do everything on his own. Working as a team can ensure his safety and keep him living longer. They’re all on the same page, after all, so why not join forces and get it done more efficiently without Natsume being the martyr again?

Yeah, Natsume, go to therapy. Like, yesterday.

But as the group splits up, Ruka holds Natsume still. He wants to talk about what happened on Christmas, but Natsume doesn’t. He’d rather keep that to himself, not at all willing to hurt Ruka’s feelings after he’s been nothing but supportive.

But he can’t lie, and Ruka has expressed interest in hearing all the truthbombs Natsume can dish out, so he comes clean. They exchanged alice stones. It looks like it pains Natsume to admit it. He’s consumed by guilt for the role he’s played in hurting Ruka. But Ruka is still just happy for him. He again offers congratulations, and all is well until Koko announces that Natsume and Mikan kissed a lot too. Apparently, Natsume has been thinking about the kisses so often and shamelessly to the point that Koko is concerned.

Ruka gets upset, but not out of jealousy. He hits Natsume rather pathetically, adamantly demanding that he be honest and tell him everything instead of keeping secrets all the time. Ruka doesn’t care that Natsume has been “selfish” and has kissed Mikan and gotten engaged with her and met with her. He is a fan! He’s Team NatsuMikan now too! He just wants Natsume to stop lying to him, not even to spare his feelings. If Natsume can’t be honest, then Ruka can’t do his job of supporting him. Friendship is a two-way street and can’t work if the friends can’t rely on each other for help and support. Going through good and tough times together is the key to any lasting relationship, and for that to work Natsume needs to talk to him instead of holding back.

Ruka is so cute here. Absolutely adorable. I shall adopt.

Natsume apologizes and the chapter ends on a light note, with the four of them teasing each other and laughing.

But tomorrow will be a different story. Many horrible things will happen tomorrow night, and the bright future Natsume has finally allowed himself to consider will burn up and die.

Conclusion

In the Rapunzel story, the prince was blinded and forced to walk around the forest unable to look for his lost love. I imagine that's why the chapter title image for Chapter 147 has his face covered in bandages. The story of Rapunzel is a tragic one, but it ends in a happily-ever-after. The consolation we have is that the story of NatsuMikan is more like the story of Rapunzel than of Romeo and Juliet, though it certainly doesn't feel like it for the next thirty-something chapters.

I didn't reread this at all before posting because I'm really tired. Thus, I claim no ownership over any mistakes. They can't be helped.

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[snowe-zolynn-rogers]

Pairings: Past Aizawa/Mandalay, Pre-Bakugou/Kirishima

Word Count: 2,006 Words

Summary: The Sports Festival, part 2.

Warnings: Fighting Mention, Cursing, Fire Mention, Bullying Mention, Trauma Mention, Injury Mention, Teen Pregnancy Mention, Pregnancy Mention, Partial Nudity Mention, Death Mention, let me know if I should tag anything else.

Usernames: Existence Is A Prison   Aizawa: feral cat dad, Aoyama: gay salt, Hagakure: ranch flavored jello, Tokoyami: foil-mecha, Shinsou: farmer toshi, Kuroiro: life is a nightmare, Shiozaki: saviour, Tsunotori: schrodinger better run, Honenuki: pure, Monoma: nat20, Yamada: President Megaphone, Bakugou: deku-deck-you

Notes: Bakugou doesn't get chained down because fuck that part of the canon. The League will just go after him because he's powerful.

Aizawa, We Agreed No More Cats: Chapter 9

11:50 AM

Existence Is A Prison

gay salt: Yaoyorozu is amazing.

ranch flavored jello: She can bench press me anytime.

gay salt: To be fair, you'd let any strong lesbian bench press you.

ranch flavored jello: You're not wrong but you don't have to say it.

life is a nightmare: She did really well, I'm glad she's advancing despite that Tsubasa guy cutting her up with his glass.

deku deck-you: I think that guy might be related to one of my old friends before UA.

foil-mecha: What happened that you aren't friends anymore

deku deck-you: Tsubasa Ryuu? He got kidnapped or something during a break and I never saw him again. My other two friends? They were fake. They ditched me after the Sludge Villain incident.

nat20: I'll kick their asses for you.

deku deck-you: I wouldn't stop you from burning Aldera Middle School to the ground. For Deku's sake, mostly, but also because I hated those teachers.

feral cat dad: What happened at Aldera Middle School?

deku deck-you: Well, you probably know from Deku by now that I wasn't always easy on him or even this easy to get along with. From the time Deku was misdiagnosed as quirkless, I bullied him. Let's be honest, my reasoning wasn't important because I made his life a living hell just because mine was a living hell at home.

deku deck-you: We talked about everything the day after I moved into the dorms, so don't worry, there's no hard feelings and we're working through all the shit I did to him.

deku deck-you: But, anyway, the teachers at Aldera tried to fail Deku constantly because of his 'quirklessness' but I'd vouch his grades for him once I realized they were trying to flunk him out of the school. And, after the Sludge Villain happened, they began doing the same thing to me because they thought I was influenced by a villain even though I'd told them so many times that I was basically a hostage.

feral cat dad: Looks like I'm opening a formal complaint against Aldera Middle School after the Sports Festival.

deku deck-you: Don't, me and Deku just want to leave Aldera behind us.

feral cat dad: Fine.

feral cat dad: Oh, they had a draw while we were texting. Jeez, that was fast.

deku deck-you: Don't you dare underestimate Kirishima.

ranch flavored jello: Someone has a crush.

deku deck-you: Don't you dare speak of this. I'll launch Deku at you.

ranch flavored jello: Jeez, fine. Feral Deku scares me.

deku deck-you: Good. I gotta go.

12:20 PM

Existence Is A Prison

farmer toshi: Wow, Kats. You did great.

deku deck-you: Can't talk right now. She's in pain and won't let go of me.

deku deck-you is now offline

feral cat dad: Fuck, she overstressed herself.

farmer toshi: I want so badly to check on her but I need to fight Tokoyami now.

1:15 PM

Existence Is A Prison

farmer toshi: Katsuki, you're coming back soon, right? I mean, your match is next after Todoroki and Yaoyorozu.

deku deck-you is online

deku deck-you: I'm back, who's won?

farmer toshi: Kirishima won against Tetsutetsu in their rematch, I won against Fumi, Midoriya won against Toru, Kiyo won against Shizuka, Kaminari just won against Fujioka.

deku deck-you: Okay, good.

ranch flavored jello: I'm down by the entrance to the field. What's wrong with Yaoyorozu?

ranch flavored jello has started a video chat

[Yaoyorozu is shown fumbling around a bit in the ring and Todoroki is in a fighting stance, but drops it when she's facing the wrong way]

Yaoyorozu, why are you stumbling? -Unknown

Shut up and fight me, Todoroki! -Unknown

Something's wrong with you, I won't compete if you're hurt. -Unknown

Just fight me! -Unknown

[Yaoyorozu is shown collapsing and Midnight goes to check on her.]

Yaoyorozu cannot compete due to a previous injury, this match goes to Todoroki! -Unknown

ranch flavored jello has ended the group chat

gay salt: Mon dieu. Is she alright?

ranch flavored jello: She's muttering about her eyes.

ranch flavored jello: Oh god, there's glass in her eyes.

feral cat dad: Get up here, Toru. Now, you don't have to see that.

ranch flavored jello: I won't leave her alone without anyone she knows. I won't. She can't see, Dad.

feral cat dad: Okay, keep her company. But please be aware, they're probably going to do surgery to try to save her vision.

ranch flavored jello: It must have happened when she made that smoke bomb and Tsubasa couldn't see her.

feral cat dad: They're already having Katsuki against Kirishima to ease the tension in the stadium. Clearly, Katsuki's winning already.

2:00 PM

Existence Is A Prison

feral cat dad: Yeah, Katsuki won. So did Shinsou against Midoriya, Kiyo won against Kaminari, and Katsuki won against Todoroki.

ranch flavored jello: At least there's some good news.

deku deck-you: What good news? Icyhot wouldn't fight me with his fire and we spent like ten minutes yelling about trauma before the fucker got blown back so hard when his fire hit my explosion that he's now got a concussion.

feral cat dad: I understand you're angry, but you didn't do anything wrong, Katsuki.

deku deck-you: I know, I just feel bad. Now two of the people I've fought today are out of commission temporarily and I feel responsible.

feral cat dad: I know, and I also know they'll both forgive you. You went off with Uraraka for almost a hour and you didn't mean to injure Todoroki.

2:20 PM

Existence Is A Prison

feral cat dad: I'm so proud of all three of you.

farmer toshi: Katsuki, you're helping put my shoulder into place as a punishment for pulling it out. Recovery Girl already said it was fine.

deku deck-you: A punishment I'll accept fully for doing it in the first place. After I'm done visiting Pink Cheeks again.

deku deck-you is now offline

feral cat dad: My chaotic sons.

ranch flavored jello: Alright, I'm back. Momo can't leave the hospital tonight and she's been instructed to have Recovery Girl heal her in two days.

feral cat dad: There's my daughter. It's a good thing you kids are off for two days after today because you need time to heal after all that.

feral cat dad: Nezu's already insisted Yaoyorozu stay in the dorms because he doesn't want her too far from campus and her parents live in Tokyo prefecture and he feels it's too far for an injures student to travel.

feral cat dad: Tokage is already getting spoken to by Nezu, so she'll likely be added to this chat soon enough. Toru, can you turn on Yaoyorozu's screen reader for her so I can add her to this chat.

ranch flavored jello: Done!

feral cat dad has added Yaoyorozu

Yaoyorozu: Hello everyone!

foil-mecha: Hi, Momo!

Yaoyorozu: Hello! I'm going to take a nap, the surgery was very taxing so I'm quite tired. I'll message you all later when I wake up.

ranch flavored jello: I'll stay with her, don't worry!

Yaoyorozu is now offline

feral cat dad: You haven't changed her username yet, Hitoshi.

farmer toshi: I figure she probably doesn't know our usernames yet so I'll do it later after we tell her ours.

deku deck-you is now online

deku deck-you: Nezu's with Uraraka so I can't visit her right now.

farmer toshi: Is she okay?

deku deck-you: I don't know if I'm allowed to say. Honestly, if it were me and someone told other people I didn't know well without me knowing, I'd call it an invasion of privacy.

feral cat dad: Nezu said Uraraka should be fine. There's no need to worry about her, Recovery Girl is nothing if not adamant on the care of her patients.

deku deck-you: Alright, I'm allowed in now that she's asking for me.

deku deck-you is now offline

life is a nightmare: I wonder how badly hurt she is to want Katsuki there for comfort.

3:00 PM

Existence Is A Prison

gay salt: screenshotofurarakaslatestinstagramphoto.jpg

ochako&baby.jpg

Liked by blastyboykats and 57 others

uraravity Welcome to the world baby boy, despite being unexpected.

View all 15 comments

minabeana Oh my gosh, that baby is so cute. I love him already.

winniepie He's so cute.

kiripima Aw, welcome to the world, little guy.

sparklegirl He's cute, Ocha, mon ami!

michipeachy 🥰🥰🥰

farmer toshi: Does Uraraka have a baby sibling?

foil-mecha: Last I heard she was an only sibling.

nat20: Maybe her mom had the baby today?

feral cat dad: Alright, Uraraka is good now, not that I need to tell you since Aoyama apparently stalks people's accounts on everything.

gay salt: Hey, she gave me her account name willingly! I have all the other girl's accounts.

feral cat dad: Anyway. Tokage's also done talking to Nezu. Here's the girls of the hour.

feral cat dad has added Uraraka and Tokage

Uraraka: Hi, guys.

gay salt: Ocha, are you okay?

Uraraka: Oh yeah, Nezu said me and my baby can stay at the dorms.

gay salt: Quoi? Your baby?

Uraraka: Yeah, didn't Katsuki or Aizawa tell you all? That's why I'm moving into the dorms. I went after my match in the Sports Festival with Katsuki and they had to end up doing an emergency C-Section because they weren't finding a heartbeat. Thankfully, my idiot daughter is fine, just chaotic.

gay salt: What's her name?

Uraraka: Uraraka Emiyo.

gay salt: I will spoil her.

foil-mecha: How cute is she?

Uraraka: katsukicryingholdingemiyo.jpg

foil-mecha: Truly a glorious child. I assure you, us 1a students will assist you in your raising of dear Emiyo as best we can.

ranch flavored jello: I'm not good with baby-babies but I'll try.

Yaoyorozu is now online

Yaoyorozu: I'll help as well, once I'm able to.

Uraraka: It's okay if you don't want to, Momo.

Yaoyorozu: I don't believe you were there for it but, in the second rounds, I had to forfeit the match to Todoroki because, in the first round, Tsubasa Yuudai accidentally got glass in my eyes. My win in the first round was a fluke and I was running only off instinct when I got him out of bounds but, since taking the glass out can't fix the amount of nerve damage, I'll likely be blind for the foreseeable future.

Uraraka: Oh gods, Momo, I'd come give you a hug but I can't move around much yet.

Yaoyorozu: It's fine, Uraraka. It was an accident after all, he didn't mean to do that but the smoke bomb I made obscured his vision.

life is a nightmare: If either of you need anything, just text us, someone will get it to you.

Yaoyorozu: Thank you, but I have Toru for now!

Uraraka: Thanks. I'm good, I've got a Katsuki.

nat20: You say that like you've roped him in or something.

Uraraka: Well he's been proclaiming that he's Emiyo's uncle for the whole thirty minutes she's been in this world.

schrodinger better run: To be fair, is he not her uncle by now?

Uraraka: He is. He's the first besides my parents and me to hold her. He's definitely her uncle.

pure: Has he even put her down yet?

Uraraka: katsukiasleepwithemmiyoinhisarms.jpg

Uraraka: No, he hasn't. My mom's about to pick her up though. She's worried she'll fall and I have to feed her and all so he'll be temporarily losing holding rights anyway since I have to make him leave to feed her.

gay salt: He's sleeping, Ocha. Plus, I thought you knew he was 💅

Uraraka: He's gay?

gay salt: No, he's trans, Ocha, us girls had a whole meeting on including our ftm classmates on girl days if they're comfortable with it and you forgot?

Uraraka: Oh yeah, in that case I'm whipping out the titty so my mom can show my how to feed a baby.

Uraraka is now offline

feral cat dad: You kids are going to give me a heart attack one day and I'll put all your names on my tombstone as a reason I died.

@everythingisstardust 

[bemused-writer]

Analysis of Subaru, Kamui, and Subaru/Kamui

Ever since I first read X/1999 I was of the Subaru/Kamui persuasion. The two have each suffered a great deal and went out of their way to support one another; every single scene they have is of them doing just that as best they can. And since I have returned to my X/1999 obsession with a vengeance, I figure it’s time to take a look at this ship–and the characters themselves–with everything I got. Technically, this is not a “confirmed” ship. Technically, there are a lot of unconfirmed or implied ships floating around X/1999. I figure that's on account of CLAMP’s multishipping tendencies. Anyhow…

Before we get into this, I won't be taking Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicles into account for two reasons: 1) It is an AU and therefore is supposed to give us an alternative look at the characters and 2) If I start including the plotlines of Tsubasa we will never finish this review. X/1999 is already plenty long. 8D I might do a separate post about their interactions in Tsubasa once I reread that manga, though.

With that out of the way, let’s take a look. One of the most obvious things people have to say about these two is that they’re reflections of each other. They’ve been through similar experiences and similar traumas. Their reactions to those experiences are quite different, however, and goes a long way towards explaining why they take separate paths later in the series. Let’s start with their first meeting.

When Subaru first meets Kamui, it’s literally at the worst phase of Kamui’s life. His best friend, Fuuma, has just had his brain washed thanks to fate (!) and the woman he loved, Kotori, was murdered by said best friend right before his eyes. As if all that wasn’t bad enough, he was nearly killed by Fuuma as well, which took on a weird, sexual vibe, which becomes pretty consistent on Fuuma’s part throughout the series.

All of this is extremely similar to what Subaru endured at Seishirou’s hands in Tokyo Babylon years earlier (although the sexual component with Seishirou is toned down quite a bit in comparison). There are some notable differences in circumstance, however, and these circumstances are important to understanding the fundamental differences between Subaru and Kamui themselves. As Subaru says, their pain isn’t the same.

The most pertinent difference between the two is the cause that led them into a coma in the first place and what ultimately brought them out of it. For Subaru, the betrayal and abuse at the hands of the man he loved is what sent him into a coma while the death of his sister, the other person he loved most, is what brought him out of it. In other words, traumatic shock put him into a coma and traumatic shock forced him out of it. There wasn't a single moment that wasn't painful.

For Kamui, it’s quite different. The death of the woman he loved along with the betrayal and abuse at the hands of his best friend is what sent him into the coma. It was doubly traumatic because Kamui lost everything all at once. This is a big part of why Sorata was so worried Kamui would never wake up; he literally had nothing tying him to reality. The only two people he'd ever had a significant bond with were both gone in one fell swoop. The only reason he emerged from this is, of course, because of Subaru’s intervention.

Perhaps the only reason Kamui is even slightly well-adjusted is thanks to the much gentler wake-up call he had in comparison to Subaru. Frankly, after Hokuto died, Subaru didn't have anyone for nine years. It's no wonder he dwelled on nothing but Seishirou, barely managed his duties as head of the Sumeragi clan, and developed a suicidal wish to keep him going.

Kamui has Subaru, so he managed to avoid a lot of that. He's still obsessed with Fuuma, but he has other things to occupy his time with.

Some other differences in Subaru and Kamui's backstory to keep in mind: Seishirou was acting like a good guy in Tokyo Babylon. Fate had absolutely nothing to do with his transformation into a bad guy; that's just how he is. Fuuma actually was a good person who had the good persona wiped away and replaced with ... his fated personality, I suppose. I think this explains some of Kamui's stubbornness when it comes to rescuing Fuuma; he knows fate isn't fair and Fuuma was a victim of it.

Subaru has no such delusions. He knows Seishirou was playing him for a fool and he knows he has no regrets about it. It's why his wish isn't to fix Seishirou; it's merely to die at his hands, so he can finally let go of the whole thing.

And Subaru does his best to keep himself at a distance from his fellow Dragons of Heaven for the sake of this endeavor. He doesn't really befriend any of them or spend any real amount of time with them; he knows his wish will bring nothing but pain to anyone that cares for him, so he tries to avoid those attachments. I suspect we wouldn't have heard much from Subaru in this series if he hadn't become unexpectedly attached to Kamui himself.

So, let's get back to their first meeting. Kamui is in a coma and Subaru delves into his memories in order to help him. This isn't the first time Subaru has done this, and there are a few parallels to his previous case to consider with this one.

In volume 2 of Tokyo Babylon, Subaru has to help a woman, Mitsuki, that he once knew that had fallen into a coma after being sexually assaulted. It's implied this is the first time Subaru has entered someone's mind to help them, and he comments it will be easier if she remembers him at least a little. He'd been dreaming of her earlier that very day.

Now, not only does Mitsuki remember him, it's revealed that she's harbored a crush on him since they were children. It's never made very clear whether or not Subaru returns those feelings, although there are some jokes from Seishirou that she is his rival in love. Regardless, Subaru saves a woman that considers him special and only emerges from her coma thanks to Subaru's kind words.

So, when Subaru enters Kamui’s mind, he knows it will be dangerous. Kamui doesn’t know him at all; there isn’t any kind of attachment to make this easier. But the end result is very similar to what we see in Tokyo Babylon: Kamui emerges both because of Subaru’s kind words, but also because he’s found someone that understands the pain he’s been through to some degree. Both Mitsuki and Kamui reverted to childhood in their sorrow as well, a time where things were much simpler and the world easier to understand.

There’s no doubt that Kamui considers Subaru special after this. How could he not? And if we compare Kamui’s case directly with Mitsuki’s there’s at least the implication he may grow to care for Subaru in a similar fashion to Mitsuki. CLAMP went out of there way to draw as many comparisons between Subaru’s past and Kamui’s present as they could within this series, so I think it’s fair to make this assumption.

It's also notable that Subaru's own feelings on the matter are harder to read in both situations. Did he have feelings for Mitsuki or was she simply a treasured friend from his past? Her words had haunted him for years at that point, so her opinion definitely mattered. Likewise, it's harder for us to tell what he thinks about Kamui. We can tell there's a deep bond and affection there, but it's not quite as straightforward.

The hug is actually quite important here. They held one another in the dreamscape and then continued to in reality. This is interesting because neither Subaru nor Kamui are physically affectionate people. Subaru only ever hugged his sister and maintains a kind of no-contact rule with people in general. He never initiated physical contact with Seishirou throughout Tokyo Babylon and definitely doesn't in X/1999. He doesn't go out of his way to pat his fellow Dragons of Heaven on the back the way Sorata does. The only exception is Kamui.

As for Kamui, he just … isn’t affectionate. 8D You’ll recall how crabby he was at the beginning of X/1999. He was pushing everyone away in a misguided attempt at protecting them. Then, one of the only notable times he initiated physical contact was when he held Kotori in his arms and cupped Fuuma’s cheek for the last time, and that was when he was incredibly distressed and finally willing to admit how much he cared about them both.

These are two people he’s known and trusted his whole life, so it makes sense he would allow some physical contact between them. Consider how he reacts to Sorata, Keiichi, evil!Fuuma, and pretty much anyone else that tries to initiate physical contact: it’s met with either confusion, overt hostility, or acceptance without reciprocation. Honestly, Sorata’s gotten all three of these reactions… 8D

The one exception is Subaru, who he not only accepts physical contact from, but will also initiate. So, the two of them are relatively similar in how they approach this, which is something we'll see throughout this review.

While Subaru was in Kamui’s dreamscape, they discuss several important things, such as the fact Kamui is trying to escape reality and the fact nothing will change or improve if he remains in the coma. He also explains his relationship with Seishirou and how things became much worse when he refused to leave the confines of his own mind.

But there’s a small detail CLAMP drops that I always found interesting.

This isn’t meant to show Kamui as naive. On the contrary, this is actually pretty wise and gets back to Subaru’s Shinto roots. Subaru is an onmyoji, a follower of onmyodo, which is a mix of Chinese philosophy (the five elements, yin-yang theory, etc.), Buddhism, and has elements of Japanese philosophy, i.e. Shintoism.

In Shinto, things really do have lives, and they deserve respect. It's yet another demonstration of how the Sakurazukamori are the opposite of the Sumeragi; they use these basic ideals and corrupt them. Things aren’t important, and neither are people.

So, in one fell swoop, Kamui has reminded Subaru of his own philosophy and demonstrated a fundamental difference between his worldview and Seishirou’s. Kamui is approaching things from a similar place Subaru would have when he was younger (it’s hard to say how much faith Subaru has in his own practice at this point; he’s pretty jaded).

Ultimately, Subaru asks Kamui several questions that give insight into both of their mindsets while they're in the dreamscape: If his [Fuuma’s] true self is restored, are you willing to tell him you killed Kotori? Even if it means he’ll hate you? Even if you must shoulder the blame for the rest of your life? Even if no one else will understand what you wished for and the reasons why?

It’s a pretty serious line of questioning because, in all honesty, what Kamui wants is dangerous. There’s no guarantee he can ever have it, and if he does attain his wish, no one will be spared the repercussions of it, least of all himself. In contrast, Subaru’s wish is a lot less destructive for the world as a whole, but he’s still hurting the people who care about him with it. Still, a lot of these questions are probably the same ones Subaru has had to ask himself over and over again. He knows no one will understand his own wish, that he will have to shoulder the blame for it, and that some could even hate him for valuing himself so little. He's making absolutely sure that Kamui understands the repercussions.

The thing is, while Kamui is willing to shoulder all the potential problems that might arise when Fuuma is restored, he's not at all prepared to think about whether this wish is what he actually wants or if it's even worth all the other problems that will arise from it. Subaru doesn't bring any of that up likely because he's never had to think of the whole planet with his wish. This is outside his own experience. He's doing his best for Kamui, but there are some things he simply won't understand. It's why he pointed out that his pain and Kamui's pain are different; there are some things they won't understand about each other, even with these similarities.

Our next important scene with Subaru and Kamui takes on a much less dramatic tone, which is probably for the best; there’s very little chill time in this series. 8D

Kamui has enrolled in high school due to its location being where the sword will be hidden until he has need of it. He visits Kotori’s grave, which is nearby, and then goes to study with Subaru, though a fellow classmate, Keiichi, had been trying to gain his attention.

For one brief, shining moment, it’s as if we’re in a completely different series where the world isn’t about to end…

But the first thing that’s interesting about this is that it means they must be conversing off screen if they’re making plans to meet up, which is a theme that becomes very common with these two. Unlike the bulk of the Dragons of Heaven, Subaru doesn't live in the same dormitory as Kamui, so they’d have to figure out some way of meeting up. I would have liked to see some of that planning and how often they meet up to study, but CLAMP leaves all that to the imagination.

At any rate, Subaru has enrolled in the college and Kamui is worried he will get in trouble for skipping class to help him.

There’s a lot that's wrong with this. First of all, Subaru is only enrolled in college because it’s a good way of tracking down Seishirou, which Kamui swiftly picks up on. This is incredibly sad because throughout Tokyo Babylon, Subaru had been trying very hard to graduate from high school so that he could then go to college and become a zookeeper. This complete lack of interest in college or anything he once cared about is constantly present and goes a long way towards explaining why Subaru cracks as the series progresses.

Kamui is always very quick to figure out when Subaru is thinking about the Sakurazukamori even though, outside of their first meeting, he never directly brings him up of his own accord. There isn’t a single time when Kamui looks happy about it either. The sheer frequency with which Kamui brings up the Sakurazukamori makes me think he’s constantly looking for confirmation that that man really is the only person Subaru cares about, as if Kamui is hoping one day he’ll give a different response.

At any rate, what Kamui is really taking issue with here is Subaru’s smoking and his attachment to the Sakurazukamori. Subaru says he smokes because it makes him more powerful (which is such… a lie? Does he think anyone would actually believe that?) to which Kamui has this as a response:

Kamui appears sad and disappointed at the answer because it is a disappointing answer (and a lie, but I digress) and Subaru looks surprised because… I think he was actually worried Kamui thought he would be ineffective as a Dragon of Heaven due to the smoking, that it would hinder him in battle. The fact Kamui is worried about his health didn’t even cross his mind.

Their exact exchange was this:

Kamui: But… don’t you worry that it’ll–

Subaru: It’s fine. Some people find that smoking weakens their powers, but for me it has the opposite effect.

He doesn’t let Kamui finish his sentence and immediately comes across as a little defensive about the whole thing. So, yeah, Subaru didn’t think Kamui would care because he cares about Subaru. He thought Kamui only cared as the Kamui, his leader. Realizing he was mistaken changes the rest of their dynamic for the duration of their study session. Subaru snuffs out the cigarette and resumes where they’d left off.

We don’t actually get to see the rest of the study session, though it's implied it goes on for a while. Keiichi interrupts things at some point because he is determined to hangout with Kamui. His reaction to Subaru is both amusing and kind of telling.

Keiichi’s repeated apologies to Subaru for interrupting and stealing Kamui away followed up by his comment that Subaru is good-looking to Kamui really makes it sound like he thought he was interrupting a date and/or that he thinks Kamui is interested in Subaru. Especially after he turns it all around by telling Kamui that he's really good looking as well and, as if that wasn’t enough, invites him to his house and offers to tutor him.

Uh… I’m just going to say it. Keiichi has never been subtle in regards to his massive crush on Kamui and he clearly thinks he’s stealing Kamui away from a potential love interest. 8D

My goodness. XD I really don’t think Kamui picked up on any of that dynamic. He just thinks Keiichi is friendly and kind of weird. It’s like Kamui has developed Sakura syndrome and Keiichi is Tomoyo.

As for Kamui, we get an idea of how he views Subaru thanks to this exchange and it's pretty interesting. It also explains pretty much every single one of Kamui's reactions to Subaru and why their interactions go the way they do.

There’s definitely a lot of fondness there. He agrees that Subaru is good looking and we get an actual image of how he sees him: someone who is ethereal, almost untouchable with a very literal barrier (of water from the dreamscape), but he's willing to reach out and bring Kamui to his level. He absolutely views Subaru as a savior because that’s precisely what Subaru did for him. That’s a pretty complicated relationship, quite a bit more complicated than Keiichi is thinking, that’s for sure.

As for Subaru, he resumes his smoking as soon as Kamui is out of sight. I think Kamui suspected that’s why he wanted to stay behind because he looks contemplative when Subaru says he isn’t coming with. Even Keiichi seems surprised. Maybe that’s why he thought he had a chance with Kamui? (Also, Keiichi and Kamui’s interactions kind of deserve their own analysis because he’s Kamui’s one tie to normalcy and Keiichi has a profound attachment to Kamui the second they meet.)

Even so, Kamui's words about smoking being bad for him sticks with Subaru and you can tell he's conflicted about it. He keeps the cigarettes close, but there's less certainty about it than there was earlier in their conversation.

This part in particular is up for interpretation since there’s no dialogue, but to me it reads as Subaru being unable to let Seishirou go, but possibly wishing he were capable of it. He knows his wish will hurt people, and Subaru has never been content with that. This scene also makes me think of Subaru's one-shot chapter, where a woman says only a person with an ill heart can go around thinking only of one person. Subaru knows smoking is bad for him, but he's also already accepted he's "ill."

I’m a little unclear on how much time has passed, but the next time Kamui and Subaru see each other, it’s after Kamui is returning home from Keiichi’s house. He’s attacked by Fuuma and Subaru rushes in to save him.

Subaru legitimately came out of nowhere in this scene. Where was he before? How'd he get there so quickly? I know that the Dragons of Heaven can sense when a kekkai is raised, but Kamui can't raise one, so... I honestly can't remember, can the Dragons of Heaven just sense when Kamui is in danger? Because if not, I really don't know how Subaru knew to be exactly where he was needed.

Regardless, the battle between Fuuma and Kamui was going about as well as it usually does, which is to say absolutely terribly. Subaru gets a kekkai raised, and we actually get to see him use his onmyoji abilities in earnest against Nataku. You have no idea how much I wish we'd gotten to see infinitely more of this.

Unfortunately, Subaru ultimately loses once Fuuma joins the fray, but that’s because Fuuma is, frankly, an OP villain. I have never understood why the villains are so much more powerful than the good guys in this series. That’s just bad game design.

So, Subaru actually manages to capture Fuuma in a kekkai. I’m a little unclear on what the end goal of this was going to be. Annihilating him? Trapping him for good? But we don’t get to find out because Subaru gets lost in visions of Seishirou, the man he wants to kill him. To add insult to injury, Fuuma attacks him the same way Seishirou did when he was 16 and blinds his eye, saying it’s “his wish.” Ever notice Fuuma only seems to grant the really messed up wishes? He doesn’t have to grant all of these. He could focus on some nice ones for a change. Sheesh…

More importantly (as far as this review goes), Kamui is once again in the same situation Subaru was when he was 16. He is being protected by someone who loses their eye and he was powerless to stop it, just as Subaru was all those years ago. The main difference is that back then, Subaru was purposefully allowing someone to take their anger out on him and Seishirou got in the way. Kamui was forcibly restrained from the battle and had no choice but to witness events. It also shows the difference in their personality: Subaru isn't predisposed to fighting and is more than willing to be hurt if it helps another while Kamui is perfectly all right with fighting, he just doesn't want to hurt the other Kamui because it will hurt Fuuma.

There are some other differences as well. When Seishirou’s eye was gouged out he kind of just… walked into the ER? 8D Didn’t comfort Subaru, just casually stopped the woman from attacking him and walked away. So, Subaru’s distress levels were through the roof.

Kamui’s distress levels are also ridiculously high, but once again, Subaru is far more compassionate than Seishirou and I’m sure Subaru can see the parallels here. He knows exactly what Kamui’s going through, and he doesn’t want Kamui beating himself up the way he did to himself all those years ago. He actually stops the gurney in an effort to comfort him.

It definitely helps, but sometimes Subaru is a little too honest with Kamui. He tells him this was his “wish.” Needless to say, that doesn’t exactly ease Kamui’s mind because it raises a lot of questions about Subaru's mental state he probably hadn't even been considering before.

What follows is the most clear cut parallel we’ve ever had between Subaru and Kamui. Subaru’s despair at possibly losing Seishirou when he was 16 is nearly identical to Kamui’s despair at nearly losing Subaru in the present. CLAMP is not doing this accidentally.

This, almost more than anything else, makes me believe that Kamui has feelings for Subaru because there’s not really a reason to include this parallel otherwise. In Tokyo Babylon, after Seishirou lost his eye, Subaru realized he was in love with him. It wasn't right away, but that was the incident that sparked the whole thing.

After Subaru loses his eye, Kamui stays by his side as much as possible. Kamui is never shown to have a sudden revelation he’s in love, but this is where the differences between Subaru and Kamui really become important.

Back then, Subaru was terrified of Seishirou hating him after the eye incident, and I think a lot of that comes down to the fact that Seishirou was trying to win a bet. He proclaimed his love to Subaru all the time, but he was also mysterious and decidedly standoffish. Subaru had a difficult time reading him, therefore he couldn’t predict what Seishirou would think of him afterwards.

Subaru also has a fundamentally different personality to Kamui; he had no awareness of his own feelings toward Seishirou until his sister made him think about it and a stranger said it sounded like he really loved this individual.

Whether Kamui is worried Subaru will hate him is a little unclear, but we do know that one of Kamui’s biggest opinions of Subaru is that he’s very kind. We also know he admires him as the man that saved him and saw him at his worst already. Subaru is always honest and very open with Kamui; there isn’t any additional layer of confusion in this regard (there is confusion about other things, though). The only thing Kamui fears right now is Subaru dying in this situation. He also feels massive guilt for being incapable of helping him. Kamui is taking the blame for this.

Another difference is that Kamui doesn’t have anyone deliberately trying to get him to think about his feelings for Subaru, but I think Kamui is more predisposed to falling for people in general? Or at least more capable of realizing when he has. He loved Kotori and never seemed to be in denial about it from what I can tell. It wasn’t declared in a straightforward manner in the manga, but the series made it apparent enough through other things. Kotori is considered his canonical love interest for this very reason. And I think that’s more or less what we ought to expect in regards to Kamui’s feelings toward Subaru. There isn’t going to be a big revelation; it will simply be.

And part of that quiet revelation is how attached he continues to be to Subaru after this incident.

Subaru is overtly worried about Kamui, probably because he knows how worked up he was over Seishirou himself when it happened, but also because he thinks Kamui hasn't slept. "It's harder for him to bear the wounds to his heart than the wounds to his body." Subaru definitely understands Kamui's pain all too well and he knows that while this particular incident is his own fault, Kamui is the one who will shoulder the blame, just as he did all those years ago.

It's interesting that Kamui asks for permission to visit him again. It definitely implies that maybe he actually is a little worried Subaru doesn't want him around, that he's sending him away because he's upset with him.

Kamui looks quite distressed at first, but one look from Subaru and he knows Subaru isn’t upset with him; he's worried about him.

These two tend to be very quiet around each other as soon as other people are in the room, and both Sorata and Arashi are right there. As soon as they’re alone, they engage in far more intimate conversation. Yet, they appear to be pretty good at silent communication as well and a lot is exchanged in the above panels.

Even if Subaru has forgiven him, Kamui is still plagued by what happened (understandably). He compares it to his failure to save Kotori. Two important people to him are hurt/killed because he couldn’t fight against Fuuma. It’s a powerful dilemma and a powerful comparison.

Still, after a conversation with Sorata, a visit to Kotori's grave, and a conversation with Keiichi, Kamui has renewed hope. He can do something against Fuuma: he can protect the people he cares about. This renews Kamui's determination to learn how to create a kekkai, a plot point that is never actually finished... I honestly wonder if would have learned to create one? And what would have sparked that?

We get a little insight into what Subaru is thinking about events, though. It's about as depressing as you'd expect with the trajectory of this series.

Subaru has a selfish wish. He knows that wish will hurt everyone that knows him and now there are quite a few people who care about him, something he'd been trying to avoid.

Yuzuriha is entirely correct in her analysis here, though for more reasons than she might realize. She's essentially saying that both Kamui and Subaru look down on themselves and try to solve things on their own. It's why she makes them promise to call on her if they need help. But she's also correct in another way: they both have selfish wishes and they're hurting everyone around them for the sake of those wishes. Subaru is hurting people on an emotional level by pursuing death, while Kamui is inadvertently getting people injured and killed for the sake of rescuing Fuuma. The message is clear: if these two could let go of their one "wish" they could finally move on to other possibilities and would be far more effective at saving the world. It's a cruel irony that CLAMP made their kindest character and their hero the most emotionally compromised and the most inadvertently selfish. It's also a little unfortunate that kindness and hope seem to get trampled on so much in this series, but that's a whole separate issue.

Yuzuriha also leaves Subaru with a parting gift and, honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if she reminds him of his sister just a bit.

The cherry blossoms definitely bring Seishirou to mind as well as Subaru's wish for death, but it also makes me think of Hokuto as well, especially the rabbit plush. It just seems like something she would do. Regardless, Subaru still hasn't moved on.

Kamui engages in yet another battle with Fuuma, which actually goes worse than the last one. Sorata and Arashi aren't as timely as Subaru had been (Dragons of Heaven must simply be able to sense when Kamui is in trouble because they also were no where nearby. Alternatively, Hinoto is just telling them stuff). Fuuma is saying something about eating Kamui's heart. We could put this down as him being a general creep, but there's usually a double meaning with him. Perhaps one of Kamui's wishes is that he just didn't feel anything at all...?

All of this eventually brings us to our next Kamui and Subaru scene. This one has a very quiet, intimate vibe to it, probably on account of it not taking place in a hospital but what I think is Kamui's room?

Kamui has some pretty serious injuries this time around, and we learn that Subaru stayed with him the entire time, just as Kamui did for him at the hospital.

Actually, these two seem a lot closer than they did previously. Is it simply because of Subaru losing his eye? Did that open up a new level of compassion between one another? Was there more off-screen development? My guess is it’s mostly the former, but the latter is a distinct possibility with the way things have been going.

What is plain is that these two are always supporting each other in times of crisis. Not always physically, but emotionally. Subaru in particular is always there to counsel Kamui on whatever issue he wants to discuss while Kamui reminds Subaru that people actually do care about him and Kamui is one of those people.

“And yet, despite all that, I still can’t abandon Fuuma.”

Honestly, I think even Kamui is beginning to wonder if his wish is really worth it. He’s losing all the people he cares about in this pursuit. I genuinely think if Subaru had told him to rethink things here, he might have, because he trusts him and his wish has gotten him absolutely nothing so far.

Unfortunately, Subaru isn’t exactly in a great place to be telling people they need to rethink their life choices, so he doesn’t. Instead, he tries to be encouraging, which is both kind and misguided.

This is a level of emotional and physical intimacy that we just don’t see between any of the nonromantic relationships in this series. It’s actually more touch focused than a great deal of Arashi and Sorata’s interactions and those two actually have a very close emotional connection that develops into a sexual relationship later on in the series, so I have a hard time believing I’m supposed to read this scene as entirely platonic.

But what Subaru is saying is important, even if I think it’s a philosophy that manages to get both him and Kamui into trouble. “Happiness” is basically satisfaction or completion in this context. It’s not necessarily joy. Subaru is essentially telling Kamui that, yes, his wish may be selfish but it’s his. If it is the only thing that can satisfy him, he must pursue it.

Kamui makes no further comment on his own wish; he’s latched onto Subaru’s once more and is bringing Seishirou up yet again. Subaru appears surprised, perhaps because Kamui saw right through him or perhaps because Kamui’s interest in the subject has been so pointed, but he says “yes.”

I really do think Kamui was looking for something from Subaru here that he didn’t quite get. I genuinely believe he’s trying to get confirmation on whether his path is correct or not, but Subaru doesn’t really give him an answer. When that doesn't work, he tries to figure out if Seishirou is really the only thing that can bring Subaru satisfaction, which reveals this is yet another thing that's been on his mind.

That is not acceptance or understanding on Kamui’s face. That is something a little closer to sadness, disappointment, or possibly even anger. He is not pleased with this answer.

There are a lot of layers happening with this conversation and a lot of insinuations, but none of it is ever just laid out for us to see. What seems relatively straightforward to me is that Kamui wishes Subaru would let Seishirou go. He isn’t content with Seishirou being the answer to Subaru’s wish, but he also can’t bring himself to criticize it either. After all, that would be pretty hypocritical; Kamui can’t selfishly pursue his own wish while simultaneously asking Subaru to give up his own for Kamui, but I think there’s a part of Kamui that genuinely wants that to happen.

It also reveals that Kamui does have doubts about the path he's chosen. He never says it outright--he's always vocally determined to save Fuuma--but he's looking to Subaru for guidance on this issue. Not anyone else. Subaru.

So no, Kamui can't reveal that he's unsure about his wish; it's what bonded him and Subaru in the first place. Likewise, he can't ask Subaru to rethink his own wish. What really needs to happen for these two is for them both to give up their current wish to pursue … whatever this is. I’ve talked a lot about Kamui’s feelings for Subaru, but Subaru definitely holds affection for Kamui as well. There would be no reason to hold his hand that way otherwise. And there’s no way Subaru isn’t aware of the parallels; he is definitely occupying a similar role to Seishirou in Tokyo Babylon, that odd mix of mentor and potential love interest. The obvious difference being that Subaru isn’t a psychopathic killer.

Anyway, Sorata and Arashi once again interrupt their odd bonding moment and it’s incredible how swiftly the mood in the room changes. Subaru physically moves away from Kamui, stands at a more respectable distance, and Kamui turns his attention to everyone else. It definitely feels like they aren’t trying to advertise their emotional connection or their problems. Kamui becomes the leader and Subaru becomes another Dragon of Heaven.

Subaru eventually returns to his side when Kamui enters a dream state with Hinoto while the others are there, but he doesn’t say anything further. It’s interesting that Sorata has no issue with hugging Kamui or putting an arm around him when others are around, but Subaru does. Of course, Sorata is simply more demonstrative than Subaru on any given day, but it does feel like quite a stark contrast.

It looks like several days go by between that visit and their next one. Kamui is mostly recovered and heading back to school.

This is so subtle it’s very easy to miss–I did the first couple of times–but Kamui just finished buttoning up his shirt here. He is not inspecting his scars like I initially thought.

How long has Subaru been there? They’re pretty obviously in the middle of a conversation; he didn’t just arrive. It kind of suggests Kamui just… got dressed in front of him, which is definitely a shift. Their general attitudes towards each other are quite different from before as well. The opening panel above shows both of them as seeming more confident than before.

I’m not sure I believe anything untoward happened between them because that would be a pretty drastic shift in dynamics, but if there ever was a point in this series where something more physically intimate occurred (not necessarily anything sexual mind you), it's probably the unseen precursor to this scene. It's CLAMP, so... I guess what I'm saying is that I sometimes just don't know with them. XD

Regardless, all of this reveals, however subtly, a side to their relationship that doesn’t get a whole lot of focus. Namely, all that off-screen bonding I was talking about earlier.

Some of their comfort level is no doubt from the situation being less bleak in general of course. That usually helps.

And then there’s all of this:

Kamui's left arm is giving him a lot more trouble than his right. That explains why he was buttoning up his shirt with just the one previously. But he appears thoughtful, maybe a bit sad, as Subaru helps him with his tie. A lot of that has to do with him not knowing where Yuzuriha is–she could be in grave danger–but I also think some of it has to do with Subaru and Kamui’s feelings toward him. I think it’s safe to say things have entered “complicated” territory. They have a relationship that's incredibly close, but no matter how close Kamui gets to him, there's always a barrier there.

There's also the fact that Kamui always feels guilty when he's incapable of something, so even something as simple as needing help with his tie could be causing him some distress.

So much of what goes on between these two is unspoken. Subaru helping him with his tie is something that doesn’t have to be romantic, but it is a frequently used trope used to demonstrate trust and care, usually between two people who are already together.

If Seishirou and Subaru’s relationship reached it’s culmination after Seishirou lost an eye, I think it’s safe to say that Subaru and Kamui’s is following a similar trajectory, only Subaru didn’t immediately turn on Kamui. Instead, they have time to explore things in a way Subaru never did with Seishirou, whatever that may mean.

Subaru moves things into safer waters from Yuzuriha’s disappearance to Keiichi. He says he will be glad to see Kamui back in school and that he asked Subaru every day if he was all right.

Now, I mentioned earlier that Keiichi definitely thought Subaru and Kamui had something going on and felt he might be stealing Kamui away, but what does Subaru think of Keiichi?

I'd say "curious" but supportive and completely unconcerned about any competition. Honestly, Subaru doesn't strike me as the jealous type, so even if there is something between him and Kamui, I don't think he'd stop Kamui from pursuing something with anyone else. Subaru wouldn't consider himself a great choice; he thinks he's selfish after all.

This is the last normal moment Kamui and Subaru have before Subaru's final confrontation with Seishirou.

I feel relatively safe in the assumption that Subaru was going to say "like you." This is before he even becomes the Sakurazukamori, but he now considers himself selfish and he can't move on from his past whatsoever. He's also lost some of the empathy he had when he was younger; he's definitely kind, but he isn't willing to give everything up for others. He's arguably taken on Seishirou's role with Kamui as well, which I'm sure he has mixed feelings about. And ultimately, he and Seishirou share the same wish: to be killed by the person they love. So, yes, Subaru is definitely different from how he used to be.

It's after Seishirou dies that Subaru really snaps in the series. He was struggling to get by for the majority of it, but this really does it. It’s notable that even now, Kamui restrains himself.

Kamui always holds himself back when it comes to matters involving both Subaru and Seishirou. He never tells Subaru what he thinks of his wish and he doesn’t know how to help him. I think a lot of his resistance to actively reaching out to Subaru on this matter, both physically and emotionally, is out of a misguided sense of respect for him. Subaru knows what he wants and did a great deal for Kamui; Kamui tries to return the favor by giving him distance, but I think distance was the wrong thing to give Subaru. He needs to be dragged into the now and he needs to be reminded that people care. That's a lot to take on though, so I can't blame Kamui for not knowing what to do, especially when he's looking to Subaru for guidance. He doesn't feel like he can take on that role.

Their final parting is tough to watch.

I think this time, Kamui actually is worried Subaru might hate him, because for the first time he’s actually “disrespected” Subaru’s wish. He didn’t let him die with Seishirou when the bridge collapsed. He saved him and that goes against everything Subaru has wanted for the last nine years.

But once again, Subaru misunderstands and I think there’s a part of Subaru that simply can’t accept that Kamui cares for him as a person. He’s stopped caring about himself, so he doesn’t connect the very obvious dots in front of him.

Subaru: You don’t need to worry about me. I’m not going to fall apart.

It could be this is just how Subaru deflects. Rather than discuss what’s really bothering him, he tries to treat Kamui like a leader who is talking to his subject, but that simply isn’t the relationship they ever had, least of all now.

Once again, Kamui gets to the heart of the matter; Subaru is thinking of Seishirou. Everything he's done is for Seishirou, and it's now very apparent Kamui simply can't accept that. He's sorry for it, he knows that if he really wanted to "respect" Subaru he would have let him die, but he couldn't do it.

Even now, Subaru is still trying to explain things to Kamui and still trying to comfort him to a limited degree; Subaru’s not exactly at his best right now, though and it's all pretty dejected. Despite having his wish denied, he doesn't blame Kamui. As he points out a little bit later, some wishes collide. He doesn't hold it against Kamui, though.

Kamui brings up the cigarettes again and this implies the whole thing is still bugging him and that he simply doesn’t understand Subaru’s motivations.

It’s interesting that our only previous glimpse into how Kamui feels about Subaru showed Subaru as being above him, yet reaching out to bring him closer. Here, Kamui literally sits on his knees before him so that Subaru is hovering over him, almost like a king with his subject, and Subaru is metaphorically reaching out to Kamui in an effort to explain himself so that Kamui might understand him.

Subaru explains everything, and essentially tells him he will never understand Seishirou now, never know what he really thought.

I think it’s safe to say that Kamui is feeling similarly about Subaru at the moment--he doesn't feel like he understands him nor does he understand what he's thinking--and once again Subaru is taking Seishirou’s role in a very roundabout way, albeit in a kinder fashion. But there's no doubt that Kamui is giving Subaru power here. Everything about their posture and conversation indicates that. While Subaru sometimes tries to treat Kamui like a leader either as a way of deflecting or because he actually believes that's the right way to handle things, we see here that Kamui absolutely views Subaru as the person with the wisdom and authority to determine things. Maybe not about the fate of the world, that's Kamui's duty, but as far as giving directions? As far as getting a say in what happens next? Absolutely.

And once again, Kamui is looking for something from Subaru he can’t give: he’s asking if what he’s pursuing is “right” and if he should change. Subaru is being given the power to change Kamui’s course and I don’t think he even realizes it.

While looking at their progression, I really think some of Kamui’s steadfast determination to save Fuuma is partially because of how Subaru keeps affirming this belief for him. There were at least two big moments where Subaru could have nudged him in a different direction, but he didn’t take it. Instead, he tries to be encouraging, although this time it’s definitely more fatalistic. Subaru doesn't understand the influence he has over Kamui and that is one of their biggest miscommunications in the series.

Even as lost as Subaru is currently, he still cares about Kamui. He wants him to focus on his own desires, not on him, and he wants him to take care of himself. The problem is that he’s completely missing the fact that Kamui relies on him, cares about him, and would do a lot better if Subaru stayed in some capacity. Instead, he disappears for a month.

Needless to say, Subaru is very much on his mind throughout his absence and Kamui still can't make a kekkai. He thinks about how everyone has something they want to protect, and that's why they can make one. His thoughts lead him right back to Subaru.

This is the person he's thinking about the most while he's visiting Kotori. This is the person he wants to return. And we actually get to see what it is Kamui actually wants for a change:

I don't know if this is the wish Kamui hasn't realized but it's definitely a wish: he wants Subaru to come back. He wants to go out and look for him. He wants Subaru to be capable of caring for someone other than the Sakurazukamori. The implication is that he wants to be important enough to Subaru for him to come back.

Just as Subaru wanted to be important enough to Seishirou for him to acknowledge him, so too does Kamui wish he were important enough for Subaru to do the same.

Kamui continues with "The people I most wanted to protect were Kotori and Fuuma. But Kotori is gone. And now all I want is to get Fuuma back. But... I still can't create a kekkai."

Fuuma is watching this moment through the dreamscape and has this input:

So, protecting Fuuma isn’t his real wish. What is? The only other thing he was thinking about was Subaru, but even I hesitate to say that’s the ultimate wish. I definitely think it's an important, unrealized wish all the same, however. As for Kamui's real wish, I’ve been assuming it was he'd chosen a different side so Fuuma could be spared or possibly that he had died instead of Kotori. CLAMP makes it hard to say for sure.

Anyhow, we finally see where Subaru’s been hiding out for a month plus: the Sakurazukamori’s house. I’m not entirely sure how he found it, but there it is.

Also, Seishirou’s final wish is about as messed up as you’d expect.

Wow, we get weird eye stuff and a dose of stalker possessiveness. 8D CLAMP outdid themselves. I can't even...

And as if that wasn't enough, we get this:

D-do I even want to know what that means? The context of this is incredibly bizarre. He’s talking about how Seishirou was upset another man hurt Subaru. The only person that’s been hurting Kamui is him.

Am I supposed to assume Fuuma wants to prevent anyone else from leaving any kind of mark on Kamui? Is that supposed to be a reference to an actual person? The only person I could think of is Subaru as far as who's been interacting with him, and I’m not actually sure that makes sense. 8D Is he talking about the original Fuuma? He’s jealous of himself? Or possibly even Kotori? Or am I supposed to assume Fuuma just wants to mark Kamui as his with another freaky eye exchange? CLAMP… Why…

Anyway, Subaru takes the eye because he’s been making a series of bad decisions and he isn’t about to let up now.

The next time we see Subaru, he has decided to do nothing, which is basically what he’d decided to do beforehand, only now he has Seishirou’s eye and is willing to watch events unfold. We see that there’s a little tension between him and Fuuma, which is… hardly surprising all things considered.

It’s interesting that Fuuma says Seishirou has been very selfish when it comes to Subaru. That would be pretty obvious to the audience, but Subaru is surprised by this assessment. Seishirou is preventing Subaru from achieving his “wish,” i.e. death and he’s also preventing him from connecting with other people. That’s the height of selfishness.

It is strange hearing this from Fuuma when he is being equally awful, however, which is probably why Subaru points out that wishes are something only Fuuma knows to begin with in what can only be described as an annoyed fashion.

We know Subaru has been on Kamui’s mind (a lot) and it looks like Kamui has been on Subaru’s as well.

Subaru does care about Kamui is the thing, which is why it's doubly strange seeing him as a Dragon of Earth. He doesn't want Kamui hurt, but he claims he's not going to be involved. Can that really be the case if he genuinely cares about someone on the opposite side?

Interestingly, he avoids the subject. He's always been private when it comes to Kamui and it looks like that isn't about to change here, especially when he's talking to the man who has tormented him so much.

The next time Kamui sees Subaru is in the midst of battle with Fuuma and Kamui definitely feels betrayed.

Subaru's presence here is a little strange and I think the only reason he's shown up at all is because he cares about Kamui, just like Fuuma said. He's not showing it in the best way, but...

At long last, Subaru tells Kamui what he needed to hear ages ago and using the opportunity he's been given many times, but never used. Kamui needs to rethink some things and saving Fuuma isn’t what he really wants.

And the thing is, Kamui listens. The final chapter ends with Kamui remembering Karen’s words and finally trying to piece together what might actually be going on and it’s all because Subaru finally stepped in and offered an actual opinion. That's the level of influence Subaru has over Kamui and I'm still not sure Subaru has figured that out.

So, how would things have progressed with Subaru and Kamui after all this? Obviously, there’s no way to say for sure. If CLAMP wanted to draw the final parallel between the Subaru/Seishirou relationship and the Subaru/Kamui relationship, then it’s quite possible Subaru will die at Kamui’s hands. Another possible parallel is that one of them realizes they love the other, but only when it's too late. But the thing is, while there are parallels between these relationships, their differences are far more profound and these two never had the kind of relationship where one would ever want to kill the other.

Even with Subaru’s betrayal, I doubt Kamui wants to see harm come to him; he’s still looking to him for guidance and support. He no doubt wants Subaru to come back. It's what he's been wanting ever since he left.

Rather than Kamui killing Subaru, it’s much more likely Subaru would sacrifice himself for Kamui, possibly as his final wish. It’s also possible Subaru decides to rejoin the Dragons of Heaven because there really isn’t any reason he has to be with the Dragons of Earth? He’s not a fan of Fuuma, he has no attachment to the people there. He’s just there for the sake of Seishirou’s memory. Undoubtedly there would be some conversation(s) between Subaru and Kamui even with them being on opposite sides. This wasn't supposed to be the final battle; Kamui doesn't die here. For all we know, that sword Fuuma's been holding up for years never strikes Kamui; it could hit someone that flings themselves in front of Kamui or it could be blocked or any number of things. But it isn't the end.

Furthermore, there's still the matter of Kamui learning to make a kekkai. It would be very strange if CLAMP never gave him a reason to create one. The issue Kamui is having is that the people he wanted to protect in the world are already gone. He needs some other reason or person to create a kekkai. This means he needs to realize an attachment to a person he didn't realize he had. I'm just saying, Subaru is a good choice for that.

And like Kamui, I have to wonder if there’s anything out there Subaru would be willing to protect. The likeliest candidate is Kamui himself.

Now, I would personally like a much happier ending to this manga than I think we were likely to get, but whatever the ending, I don’t think CLAMP was going to drop the exploration they had going of Kamui and Subaru’s relationship. It didn’t dominate the series, but it also got a lot more focus than they needed to give it. It was important and it was unique and I think their bond could have continued to grow if the world had been a little kinder to them and if they’d both been willing to move on a little sooner.

And that’s all for now. This turned out to be very long. I will now proceed to content myself with writing more fanfic. 8D

[bpro-cardstories]

Kento Aizome SR

2018 ー Hikoboshi [彦星]

“It’s a sad story about how Orihime and Hikoboshi are separated by the Milky Way.” 

『Event: The Twinkle! Lantern☆Star Night (5th - 12th July 2018)』

Part 1

Yuta: Kenken, you’re going to the town renewal event, right? The Tanabata festival looks fun! I’m so envious~!’

Kento: ‘If Yuta is so envious, then you should go. Going to the countryside means bugs will come out, I don’t like that.’ 

Goshi: ‘You’re saying girly things again.’ 

Kento: ‘Liking or disliking bugs doesn’t have anything to do with being a man or woman.’ 

Yuta: ‘But the Tanabata legend is about love. That’s perfect for Kenken!’

Kento: ‘Well, if it’s about love then I’m most suited for it.’ 

Yuta: ‘Speaking of which, what was the legend about again?’

Goshi: ‘Huh? Right, Orihime and Hikoboshi are coming out. They meet once a year, that’s the content.’ 

Kento (sighs): ‘That’s some way to say it without emotions.’

Kento: ‘It’s a sad story about how Orihime and Hikoboshi are separated by the Milky Way.’ 

Yuta: ‘Why were they separated?’

Kento: ‘You don’t even know that.’ 

Yuta: ‘Waa~hn, it just interests me!’

Tsubasa: ‘Hello, everyone.’

Kento: ‘Tsubasa, hello.’ 

Yuta: ‘Ah! Tsubasa-chan, you came at a good time!’

Kento: ‘Tsubasa, do you know the Tanabata story?’

Tsubasa: ‘The Tanabata story….? Oh, it is about the next event, isn’t it.’

Yuta: ‘Yep! If I think about the story properly, I barely know anything about it! ’ 

Tsubasa: ‘The story of Tanabata was in this material that I was thinking of handing over to Aizome-san.’

Part 2

Yuta: ‘Really? Show me, show me~!’

Kento: ‘Yuta, stop.’

Kento (winks): ‘Since you came here, I want to hear the story from Tsubasa. Because a romantic story is better told by a girl.’ 

Yuta: ‘Waah, Kenken, masterfully executed~.’

Tsubasa: ‘Fufu, then I will read it to you.’

Kento: ‘Yes, thanks.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘「God had a daughter named Orihime. Because she was very hard-working, the worried God brought along a young man named Hikoboshi, to give a suitable match for marriage. Both were attracted to each other right away and married. However, they were too close with each other that they did not work.」

Tsubasa: ‘「The angered God pulled the two to the East and West of the Milky Way, so that they could never meet again. Both mourned the separation from their loved one, the troubled God permitted the couple, that worked less and less, to meet each other once a year but with conditions attached.」

Tsubasa: ‘「The two changed their mindsーー」 _________

Tsubasa: ‘....... This is the story of Tanabata.’ 

Yuta: ‘Eeehー? Isn’t the god mean? I thought it had a more happy ending because Tanabata has such a sparkling image~.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘That is true. It was a bit different from the story in my memory.’ 

Yuta: ‘Poor Orihime and Hikoboshi! It should be fine to let them meet each other more!’

Goshi: ‘In the end, he was a pretty selfish God, huh.’ 

Kento: ‘Since they didn’t work, it couldn’t be helped.’ 

Yuta (surprised): ‘Oh, isn’t Kenken too cold here?’ 

Kento (sighs): ‘I can understand being unable to concentrate on work but not being obsessed with someone.’ 

Yuta: ‘I understand! You know, when I think about how I can eat my favourite sweets after work I become restless!’

Kento: ‘Don’t put your appetite and love together.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘Well, old tales are like lessons. I think there are many stories that are a little bit different from how they are now.’ 

Kento: ‘Yeah, you’re right.’

(Aizome-san, even though he said at the beginning that it’s a romantic story, he came to his senses….) 

Part 3

ーOn another day.ー

Tsubasa: ‘Aizome-san, good work on the photoshoot.’ 

Kento: ‘..... Oh, Tsubasa. Thanks.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘JOIN?’

Kento: ‘Well, yeah. Since girls like JOIN, unread messages will pile up if I take my eyes off them.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘I see.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘Ah, the staff praised Aizome-san during the photoshoot just now.’ 

Kento: ‘Hee, that makes me happy.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘They said you would take the initiative in posing, even without constructions, so the photos could be taken with a good tempo. It seems that good pictures were made.’ 

Kento: ‘I’m not a man who is too busy with girls that he can’t do his work.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘..... Could it perhaps be about the Tanabata story from the other day? Aizome-san said that he could not understand Orihime and Hikoboshi’s feelings but I do.’ 

Kento (astonished): ‘Hee….. It’s surprising for Tsubasa to say that.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘Do you think so? I think it is wonderful to be able to find a beloved partner so much that you neglect work.’ 

Kento (pensive): ‘Hmm……’ 

Tsubasa: ‘Moreover, after they were separated by the God, I am sure both worked harder than before in anticipation of the day once a year where they can meet each other.’ 

Kento: ‘..... I see.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘It does not apply to me but don’t you think the fans will certainly feel like that?’ 

Kento: ‘Fans? What do you mean?’

Tsubasa: ‘It does not need to be once a year, they all are working hard everyday in anticipation of the day of the event or live to be able to meet Aizome-san and the others. Is it not the same feeling as Orihime’s, when wanting to meet your beloved person once a year even if it is for a short time?’

Kento (smiles): ‘...... When you say it like that, you’re right, they’re probably overlapping.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘Yes!’

Kento: ‘The girls are Orihime and I’m Hikoboshi, huh….. Haha, Tsubasa is also quite the romantic.’

Tsubasa: ‘I-It is embarrassing if you say it like that…..’ 

Kento (winks): ‘Then look forward to me as Hikoboshi-sama. For the sake of the THRIVERs as well, I first need to succeed in the upcoming town renewal event.’

Tsubasa: ‘You will!’ 

(I’m glad Aizome-san returned to his former self, the event will surely become a success.)

END

[alltheoutsinfreeeee]

Motivational Symphogear Lyrics - KNOCK OUT! special

Listen up everyone, I'mma gush about the most motivational song of the show. Strap in guys, this is gonna be a long’un.

I still remember that day I got this scar on my chest The unbearable pain I was forced to endure (Tears fall down) “I will never let that happen again” Is what I swore on my clenched fists

“There is meaning in this power” I stand firm in my belief and my position For the sake of that smile Ready! (Ready!) Fight now! (Fight now!) Holding close the love I have!

(Knock out!) The words, “Don’t give up!” (Knock out!) Are what I want to convey to you too! My safeguarding song will bring forth tomorrow

(Knock out!) Beyond our combined pasts (Knock out!) Beyond that flowing river of tears I glimpsed that back (I will... You will...) Someone fighting for something, with their life on the line (I will... You will...) I want you to see that...!

I don’t get complicated things I simply went on, that’s all I could do (Honest heart) But even without any drive, the world moves on I understand that now

Holding tight to those small hands Will only crush them if it is done with strength alone So then, with tender gentleness Ready! (Ready!) Shake hands! (Shake hands!) Let me envelop them in love!

(Knock out!) Without being afraid of changing (Knock out!) You can grow past your experiences You’ll understand the meaning of “protect what you can” as you grow (Knock out!) The things we need to beat (Knock out!) Aren’t only our enemies Overcome yourself (I can... You can...) What can bloom by holding tight your beliefs (I can... You can...) I will tell you with this song

Sing out the sound called You I want to show you the days where you can smile And until that time Ready! (Ready!) Fight now! (Fight now!) Holding close the love we share!

(Knock out!) The words, “Don’t give up!” (Knock out!) Are what I want to convey to you too! So that you can weave those words for some else as well

(Knock out!) Beyond our combined pasts (Knock out!) Beyond that flowing river of tears Let’s move onwards together (I trust... You trust...) Right now is the time to rise up (I trust... You trust...) An unbeatable love

I know you are strong!

My feelings about this song, and pointing out several special parts of it under the cut. IN THIS ESSAY I WILL--

I fully believe that this song is Hibiki’s strongest and most motivational. The motivational part of it should be self-explanatory, however the “strongest” part takes some explaining, since we all know that Hibiki, as our resident punch hamster, has a lot of very strong songs under her belt.

So in order to explain that part, I have to go a bit into XDU lore. Specifically the Mechanical Miracle event. Even more specifically, Hibiki’s relationship to the event’s special character Sharon.

The simplest I can make it is, Sharon lost her mother (who is believed in the fandom to have been one of if not the only Symphogear User in Sharon’s universe) and Hibiki more or less fell into the role of foster mother for her, to the incredible shock of Chris and Tsubasa. Honestly, Sharon’s situation shares a lot of parallels to Vivio from Nanoha StrikerS, but this essay will already be way too long so I won’t get into that.

They bond over the course of the event until Sharon gets kidnapped. Sharon holds the power of the Yantra Sarvaswa (remember that one relic in GX that Carol wanted to get her hands on? Yeah) within her, was connected to this big machine by the Big Bad, and she had fully resigned to her fate. Because, what can she do? She had been in the hands of the Big Bad for such a long time before the girls took her in, and she knew the good times wouldn’t last. So what was the point? This caused her to lose the memory of these girls that were precious to her.

But while she was more or less part of the machine, she could see through the Big Bad’s facility’s security camera network. She saw Hibiki, Tsubasa and Chris mowing through the enemies and shouting for Sharon. She was absolutely baffled. Who were these people? Why were they fighting the Big Bad when it was so obviously useless to try? Why were they fighting for her? They didn’t even know her, what was going on?

And while she was witnessing all this something within her resonated with the girls’ cries, and let some precious memories resurface. How she was found, what they did to spend time together, what the girls taught her... The names wouldn’t come just yet, but it was obvious that she had spent precious time with these girls and that they cared a lot about her, and that she had cared for them in return.

And with one last resurfacing memory of Hibiki, Sharon makes the decision to project herself through the network next to Tsubasa and Chris and grants them mechanical armaments that she had given to Hibiki earlier in the event before the machine yanks her back into white blankness. (don’t quote me on this part, I don’t fully remember if she projected herself to them or if it was a flashback from earlier in the event. it’s been a while since I’ve last played it, please correct any things i remembered wrong.)

Outside the machine, Tsubasa and Chris have caught up and Hibiki is yelling at the Big Bad to give back Sharon-chan. They refuse (suprising no one) summoning a squad of this event’s Monster of the Week. Chris and Tsubasa clear a path for Hibiki and yell at her to go on ahead to the machine in the room which Big Bad had told them Sharon was inside of, which she does, thanking them and trusting in her friends’ abilities.

Big Bad moves in her way, summoning the strongest one of the Monsters of the Week to throw at her. While the enemy is attacking her, Hibiki takes the damage and screams at Sharon that they’ll return home together. Big Bad is doing the usual Big Bad Taunting of the Hero, Hibiki takes more hits, talking to Sharon, encouraging her and in the end shouting at her to “Tell me! What do I have to do to make you smile, Sharon-chan?!”

And Sharon finally, finally answers. “Save me!”

Big Bad does the usual “How?! No, this is impossible!” spiel, Chris and Tsubasa yell encouragement to Hibiki. And Hibiki...

sings Knock out!.

After seeing Sharon as this little shy girl who has close to 0 self-confidence, seeing the girls -- and especially Hibiki -- take care of her, helping her come out of her shell little by little over the course of the event makes the song hit all the more. And in the end, this let’s Hibiki shine the most because the answer to the problem is as simple as it ever was: Helping and saving others. This event and this song, for me, embody Hibiki’s core principle and drive better than any other event or song yet (Yes, even better than Gekisou Gungnir, fight me).

- - - -

Now that we’re done with fast-forwarding through the event, let’s take a closer look at some of the lyrics:

I still remember that day I got this scar on my chest The unbearable pain I was forced to endure (Tears fall down) “I will never let that happen again” Is what I swore on my clenched fists

This reminds me of Shirabe’s declaration of Hibiki being a hypocrite “because someone who has never known pain shouldn’t talk about saving other people from it.” Because in the first verse, Hibiki already shows what she’s been through (in the anime’s first episode no less, and this anime is notorious for making its characters (and viewers) suffer!), as well as what started driving her to save people in the first place.

(Knock out!) Beyond our combined pasts (Knock out!) Beyond that flowing river of tears I glimpsed that back (I will... You will...) Someone fighting for something, with their life on the line (I will... You will...) I want you to see that...!

I love this part a lot, because Hibiki talks about Kanade and the impact that one moment had on her. And that impact, that inspiration, is something Hibiki wishes to convey and pass on to other people. Her mission isn’t only to help but also to inspire, to show that not everyone in the world just keeps their head down and never stands up to and/or for other people.

Almost contradictory, even while talking about someone fighting with their life on the line, this part of the chorus is another way to scream “Don’t give up on living!” Because you can’t save someone who has resigned to their fate, who doesn’t want to be saved. And Hibiki knows that, has known that since season one, and she wants other people to know that too.

I don’t get complicated things I simply went on, that’s all I could do

Hibiki knows full well that she isn’t the smartest person around. Her solutions to problems are more often than not of the simple kind, and that doesn’t always work out. As she said in GX, “The only thing you can solve with simple answers are simple problems.”

But is that really true?

But even without any drive, the world moves on I understand that now 

While seeming simple at first, this part holds a lot of weight. Even if you lose your motivation and/or your drive, the world -- your family, your friends, even strangers -- move forward regardless of that. They will move on, and leave you behing if you can’t catch up. They might help you to the best of their ability, but in the end? The only one who can really change the situation? Is yourself. (Excuse me Hibiki, you say you don’t get complicated things??? Do you see yourself, woman?! Do you hear yourself sing?!)

Sing out the sound called You

"Sing out the sound called You”?

Hmm...

HMMM...

I want to show you the days where you can smile And until that time Ready! (Ready!) Fight now! (Fight now!) Holding close the love we share!

Hibiki is determined to help people, to fight for them until they can do it on their own, until they can move forward. Hibiki might not be my favorite character of the series, but damn if her passion isn’t awe-inspiring.

I know you are strong! 

The last line, shouted with such conviction. It’s enough to make you cry when you hear it at a time your depression has you at a low. I honestly can’t listen to this song on a regular basis. While Symphogear on its own has a tremendous amount of motivational songs (hence this entire series), this song in particular is special to me. To this day I have never not cried while hearing it.

Knock out! is... It feels like a hug, like a pat on the back. Like Hibiki is saying “Don’t give up on living,” directly to the listener with a gentle smile on her face while punching out all your demons

When people ask me what scene I consider to be peak Symphogear, I would say FIRST LOVE SONG, or Tsunaida te dake ga tsumugu mono. But if people ask me what song I’d consider to be peak Hibiki, well.

Let’s just say that Knock out! is the entire reason I started doing these lists.

[letstalksymphogear]

Symphogear, Ep. 6 (Cont.)

Hibiki, having seen a horror upon horrors, immediately asks Tsubasa if she’s okay. Tsubasa points out she’s a hospital patient, why would you ask this question, you insensitive prick. Hibiki points to the following scene:

Now, you may be asking yourself. “How does a formerly comatose person who is now bedridden on an IV drip manage to do this much damage?” Simply put, Tsubasa has a very chaotic aura. She doesn’t even have to take stuff out of her room; the places she goes to just naturally wind up like this. It’s a metaphor for how much of an absolute mess this person is simply by existing.

“l-look i just- its hard to organize things and- im more of a visual person and-”

“BITCH YOU LIVE LIKE THIS?”

Hibiki unwittingly gets her revenge on Tsubasa. She doesn’t realize it, but her lecturing Tsubasa on what an absolute mess every facet of her life is could possibly be heralded as her lowest point in the entire series.

No, wait. Thinking about it now, this is her second lowest. We won’t see her lowest until GX comes along.

“hibiki, every single bone in my body is broken, you dont have to break my pride too”

Hibiki, being an absolute darling, actually picks up Tsubasa’s mess. This is more than she can say about her own messes.

“haha, miku usually does this for me! wait- wait a minute.”

“i dont get it. i tried to kill you. i tormented and ignored you. i refused to help you for months. i failed to train you on any facet of combat as your senior. i nearly let you get kidnapped and, failing that, nearly killed myself while making you watch, which ALSO didnt help you not get kidnapped aside from scaring the shit out of that weird lady. why are you... helping me?”

“because either we’re going to be very good friends or im going to toss you out the window personally!”

“oh god, that aggression screams kanade. i cant not like her.”

Absolutely annihilated. Just kick her while she’s down in her Taco Bell spiral of humiliation and self-discovery, Hibiki.

“it’s okay, tsubasa! you may be a terminal dumbass, but im sure if we all work together, we can share our braincells and become collectively smarter, for each other!”

“interesting theory. how many ya got?”

“ZERO!”

They trade the kind of banter two people with 0 brain cells would have and then Tsubasa points out Hibiki is doing a great job in her place.

“hey hey HEY HOLD THE PHONE IVE LEARNED MY LESSON IM NOT TRYING TO REPLACE YOU OKAY IM NOT YOU, IM JUST HIBIKI, DOING HER JOB, ALRIGHT”

Meanwhile, in the library, Miku is looking at books, as she does what she says she’s gonna do, unlike a certain other person cavorting with cute idols.

“The Gay Way: How to Get Your Same Sex Relationship Back On Track, by Dr. Lesbe Honest. wow, this one is right up my alley.”

Okay, I’m gonna be honest with you. I literally forgot they show you the title in this. Imagine my face when I made up that title on the spot only to be hit with this little number. Holy shit, Symphogear. There’s this thing called subtlety. I’m begging you. We get it.

OH, AND IT GETS BETTER, BECAUSE

THE AUTHOR OF THE BOOK IS THE WRITER OF THE SHOW

IT’S LITERALLY GOT HIS NAME ON IT

THIS IS THE EQUIVALENT OF WRITING A STORY AND THEN INSERTING A BOOK CALLED “LEARN THE PLOT” WRITTEN BY YOU, IN UNIVERSE

KANEKO STOP THIS BALONEY, PLEASE

AND LIKE FUCKING CLOCKWORK SHE JUST- SHE TURNS HER HEAD AWAY FROM THE BOOK TITLED “THIS IS THE PLOT MOTIF” BY “AUTHOR” AND THEN FUCKING

SHE CONVENIENTLY LOOKS OVER TO THE DISTANCE

AND SHE SEES HIBIKI WITH THE HOT IDOL MIKU WAS INTO, THAT THEY WERE BOTH A FAN ON, AND SHE’S JUST CHILLING THERE AND MIKU WAS TOLD HIBIKI’S ON SERIOUS BUSINESS

AND THE HOSPITAL QUARTERS ARE SOMEHOW CONVENIENTLY CONNECTED TO THE FUCKING LIBRARY ON FULL DISPLAY BECAUSE GOD KNOWS EVERYONE IN A LIBRARY HAS TO WATCH SICK PEOPLE DIE IN REAL TIME

AND NOW MIKU IS THINKING “OH MY FUCKING GOD IM BEING CHEATED ON” AND HER FEELINGS ARE HURT FOR THIS TOTALLY CONTRIVED FUCKING COINCIDENCE

AND SHE’S ALL “BOO HOO HOO I’VE BEEN NTR’D! THIS WAS A CUCKING PLOT THIS WHOLE TIME! WOE IS ME!” FUCK YOU. THIS IS THE WORST. THIS IS ABSOLUTE GARBAGE WHY WOULD YOU- WHY DO YOU EVEN NEED TO SET THIS UP? THERE’S SO MANY BETTER WAYS TO DO THIS!

AND SHE’S JUST STARING BACK AT THE BOOK WRITTEN BY THE SAME ASSHOLE WHO WROTE THIS ENTIRE DAMN SCENARIO IN THE FIRST PLACE, AN EVIL GOD MOCKING HIS SUBJECTS IN THE FACE OF SCRUTINY FOR DRAMA WITH THE MOST CLICHE LOVE NOTES IN A GODDAMNED SOAP OPERA

AND HIBIKI IS NONE

THE

FUCKING

WISER

SYMPHOGEAR SURE IS GREAT, HUH? I SURE DO LOVE SYMPHOGEAR WITH ALLLLLL MY HEART. WHAT A WELL WRITTEN MASTERPIECE! FUCKING BELONGS IN THE FUCKING MOMA!!!!!

Okay. Okay. Let’s get that out of our system. The worst is over. This is the, uh, crescendo of the bad side plot as it inevitably sets itself on the road to resolution. I’m not going to have an aneurysm. My brain is not going to split itself in half. We’re good. I swear, we’re good.

Tsubasa, meanwhile, wants to understand why Hibiki fights, wrestling with the Da Vinci code that is her own emotions. She points out the fight against the Noise isn’t a game, and it ain’t no comic book bullshit either. It’s real, it’s out there, and it’s not pretty yet easily marketable as cute mascots. And what does our protagonist say? No making it up, she literally says:

“i dunno”

Not a damn brain cell in her body, but props for keeping it real. I’d likely say the same thing.

This is the face of someone currently sucking air through their teeth at the raw frustration that someone would be dumb enough to risk their life for the sake of only helping others.

“listen. im gonna keep it real here. i suck at literally everything. math. social studies. writing. helping people is all i have, because its not a competition. you just... you do it. you dont get better at helping people, you just help. like, thats it. i dunno what else to tell you.”

Then Hibiki points out that she feels it all started with Kanade saving her, and the speech implies its a ‘pay it forward’ sort of affair. She was saved, and so she should save others. Unfortunately, it comes off more as a guilt complex. “I lived, and I feel bad about that, so I gotta save everyone else” kind of stuff.

“its my coping mechanism for my countless traumas!”

“i get it now. you’re just as much of a mess as i am. you just dont show it as much. that kinda thinking’s gonna get you killed.”

Tsubasa then correctly points out that it is a kind of survivor’s guilt, where she wants to be released from the pain of old wounds, completely unaware of the irony of her statement.

“yeah. i get ya. we’re both wrecks. but... we can be wrecks working together.”

This would be the part where she says I’M SORRY but apparently we just don’t fucking do apologies in Symphogear, huh? Too good for ‘em, eh?! God.

Then they go outside and talk more about stuff and Durandal. The summation:

“do you have the capacity to live a life forever kicking ass?”

“yeah”

Hibiki, coming to terms with how she wants to deal with shit, manages to sharpen (haw) her resolve as to who she is and how she uses her abilities.

Meanwhile...

“i cant believe hibiki is having an affair with an attractive idol popstar. especially my favorite one from their old band. not only is she cheating on me, but she’s cheating on me from one of the five people on my lists id immediately get with if i had the chance. it feels like a double betrayal. a real life one, and a fantasy one... why do i find this weirdly hot...?”

“HEY NEWCOMER WELCOME TO THE CUCK AND BUCK WHERE WE SELL FRESHLY FRIED CUCKS FOR ONE BUCK, REAL EASY, REAL CHEAP, GOOD OL’ FASHIONED JAPANESE SOULFOOD”

“ive come to take my throne. i’ll take the ‘one flew over the cuckoo’s nest” and have the three eggs over easy with the ‘easy sleazy pancakes’”

“make it an extra lonely helping. this is gonna be a long afternoon.”

“ahhh. a freshly cucked newcomer coming to the cuck and buck to duck amongst their bad luck run amok, huh?”

“listen dont sass me about my busy girlfriend with your dr. seuss antics just gimmie the food and lets get this over with”

“no problem! sorry, they just come easy. it’s hard to buck at the cuck and buck when rhymes you huck make you wanna fu-”

“FOOD. NOW.”

Miku then ponders about how her feelings may have spiraled from a process of over thinking, or possibly hunger. Maybe both. Maybe Hibiki isn’t cheating on her. Maybe the reasons are more complicated than she knows. She briefly contemplates communication; a futile gesture when it is Hibiki safeguarding a secret she is forced to keep for incredibly stupid reasons.

“thanks for the food, miss. it really helped sort my feelings out.”

“no probs, kid. here at the cuck and buck, the only thing we cuck here is... our hearts.”

Meanwhile, Hibiki is still hanging with Tsubasa. Hey, if you’re gonna hang out with a critically acclaimed popstar, might as well squeeze every minute out of it, right?

“so... taco bell, huh? im surprised you actually like taco bell now. maybe you just like fast food styled psuedo-mexican restraunts? have you tried chipotle?”

“i... maybe you’re right, actually. i’ve grown to love taco bell, but... maybe i should expand my horizons. kanade did say... singing makes you hungry. maybe thats what she meant. i should take to new life experiences...”

“yeah! i can take you to all the good fast food places i know!”

“dont you have a girlfriend?”

“she can join us! she’s a big fan of you after all!”

“hey- hey wait! m- more friends? more... more friends... more friends.....”

“more friends...”

Meanwhile, a crisis develops.

Chris, having heard the f-word (friendship), is heading immediately to do the exact opposite of this.

She’s taken some pointers from Tsubasa, t-posing to assert dominance.

“how the fuck is she even flying”

“i cant wait to tell hibiki how much i love and appreciate her despite the weird NTR aura surrounding this whole situation”

“yeah, that’s right! i’m meeting the Gremlin in the park for an asskicking, don’t worry!”

“oh, speak of the devil! hibiki! i love and appreciate you despite the weird ntr auras!”

“miku- wait. oh no. i saw this happen in sam reimi’s spiderman 3. im fucked.”

“YOU GUESSED CORRECTLY, PIDGEON BANGS”

I know I’ve joked about homewrecking, but this is ridiculous.

Chris realizes there’s someone else around she may have potentially hurt. This is surprising, given murder is not something she has shyed away from, but she’s slowly climbing that ladder of morality, so cut her some slack for taking it one rung at a time.

“im losing my girl. losing my grip. now im about to lose my life. this NTR business truly is the worst.”

Chris has accidentally employed the Dio Brando style of disposing of people, which consists of throwing a vehicle and smashing them until dead.

“you’ve taken one step too close to my heartstrings, Gremlin, and for that you’re about to understand the full definition of an ass kicking.”

Hibiki fucking punches the car. Everything is forgiven in this episode for now.

“i... hibiki... are you... a street fighter character? holy shit. oh my god. hibiki oh my god you’re a street fighter character. thats been the true problem here. you’re a street fighter character now. oh my god. cheating? how could i have thought cheating was involved? you were literally just becoming a straight up superhero! oh my god. the abs! the washboard abs! the signs were all around me! the only thing you went to do behind my back was kick ass!”

“i’m sorry. i need to go kick ass now.”

The good news is all that tension just got evaporated. Miku sorta gets the truth now: her girlfriend hasn’t been cheating on her, she’s just been trying to save the local tri-county area from the grips of inter-dimensional alien eldritch entities controlled by a Gremlin and her Mistress. It’s a lot to take in, though.

These two are about to fight head to head. Last time, Hibiki was but the pupil. Now, she is the Master.

“can’t touch me, goldie locks. lemme do you a favor and CRACK THAT WHIP!”

“oh my god hibiki’s gonna fight that weird looking person”

“naruto running deeper into the woods isn’t gonna stop me from beating your ass senseless, fists for brains”

“thats because i wanna talk, asshole”

“wait. wait, what? you... you want to talk? to me?”

Hibiki proceeds to aggressively describe herself to her. Name, identity, blood type, age, the works. This is because she’s trying to befriend her, because Hibiki feels fighting people is bad, and that talking is more useful than fighting. This is a recipe for suicide, normally, but in this instance...

“what in the goddamn hell... i... um... nice.. to meet you...?”

Hibiki deploys a counter-T-Pose to show kinship, feeling that they don’t have to fight like this since they’re not Noise.

“talk may be cheap but it’ll make kicking your ass all the more easier, nerd”

Chris learns this, in fact, does not make the ass kicking all the more easier. Hibiki’s fresh new moves manage to dodge whip after whip of Chris’s attacks, and it’s really starting to annoy her a lot.

“pain in the ass. so you learned how to fight, huh? fine. you’ll tire out eventually.”

“let’s just talk, seriously! or maybe we can bond over board games-”

“i FUCKING hate board games. the fuck are you, a grandma? just fight already! people cant understand each other anyway!”

“JUST DIE ALREADY!”

“i was told to kidnap you. but im exerting a loophole today; no one told me to do it alive”

“the only kidnapping going down is me, sleeping in on a thursday afternoon forgetting class exists, you neon porcupine. so come at me. can’t kick me ass if you dont come any closer, right?”

“WITH PLEASURE!”

“ive watched the entirety of dragonball z, i know exactly how this fight’s gonna go down”

“finally. looks like i got y- hey, wait, what?”

“ARE YOU ABSOLUTELY JANKING MY LEG? THIS BITCH IS LITERALLY GOKU? PULLING KAMEHAMEHAS AND SHIT? WHY? god. its me. yukine chris. why do you hate me. why do you drag me through all this shit only to be hit in the head with some real anime baloney. why. please. have some mercy.”

“i dont know what a goku is but sure, yeah, why not”

“im going to kill her. oh my god. she doesnt even know who goku is.”

“get that tentacle shit away from me. im not fucking around anymore. we’re going to have a heart to heart whether you like it or not!”

“oh shit she found my weakness. really close melee combat.”

“MADE A FRIENDSHIP GIFT FOR YA. IT’S A FRESHLY MADE KNUCKLE SANDWICH, STRAIGHT FROM THE DELI”

“OH GOD, PLEASE, NOT MY FACE”

“REQUEST ACCEPTED, PAL”

Hibiki punched her so hard that she physically destroyed the entire armor Chris was wearing in a single blow.

“she... she doesnt punch ME like that... i mean, probably because she loves me, but..”

“did... did she just kill that person...? hibiki...? you, uh... you alright...?”

[venus-says]

Symphogear AXZ Episodes 01-04

One day, I’m sure we’ll know true strength.

Starting the engines for the final part of this marathon!

Like I said yesterday, I’m super excited about these next few days because from here on now everything will be new content to me, I didn’t check anything about AXZ since 2017, neither have seen anything about XV this year, so except for their posters I’m going totally blind on this and I’m loving every second of it, I feel like a child discovering new thing about the word. I can’t wait to see what this season has in store for me.

So without any further ado, let’s get going!

Croitzal ronzell Gungnir zizzl

So Episode 01 starts very interestingly. At first, I was pretty shocked with seeing the girls going on a military mission using their gears, it seemed very odd considering how reluctant Hibiki is about using her powers on other humans, but then it comes the twist and the military are somehow using alca-noises and that’s when shit goes down and this episode already won me over.

You see, Magical Girls who fight against the evil humankind do to ourselves is my perfect dream as a pitch for a show, yes I love my regular Mahou Shoujo stuff and I don’t see any problems on it but since “dark Mahou Shoujo” is a thing this is what I wanted to the most. And I got a little bit of that in here! And I’m very happy about it.

And even without this element, this is still a pretty badass fight with everything that it has going on for it. Like Hibiki stopping the shoot of a tank, and the way she completely destroyed another tank with her hands, how cool is that???? And Tsubasa’s sword getting gigantic and slashing that big ass air fortress in a single swing like if she was cutting butter? And Chris flying on top of the helicopter like a boss??? Even Maria, Kirika and Shirabe who didn’t do that much fight were pretty cool in here as well. I dare to say, this was the best initial fight we had since when G started this trend. Like c’ mon this one was just amazing.

I also like that they let the action play out smoothly first to just give us a roundabout of everything that was going on in a flashback afterward, it makes for a more dynamic episode imo. I like the concept of the Bavarian illuminatti, having a villain or a secret organization behind events from past seasons can be very good if it's worked properly, my only problem with is that I think it would be more interesting to see this in the final season and use this to tie in any plot point that may be loose from the past seasons, but I still like the concept and I’m open-minded to what they can do in this season.

And since we’re talking about the villains we get to see some of them this episode and for what was shown I think I like them? The only thing that makes me step back from having a final decision is that it seems that one of the girls is supposed to be trans, and it seems that she is the most sexualized from the group and I don’t know if that’s the best way to portrait the character...? Now I may be wrong, maybe she’s a biological woman, but I’m pretty sure her voice actor is a man and I don’t see why they would make this decision unless they were trying to make this very clear and... ugh. I just hope they’ll handle this in a proper way, I'm very doubtful, but if they manage to make her at least decent I’ll be happy with it.

Before moving to the next episode I have three questions: 1, how much time has passed from GX to AXZ?; 2, why is LiNKER still a problem? I thought the chip Ver gave to Maria was to fix this problem; and 3, is the Magical Girl Incident the name they gave for the events from last season or is this a whole new thing that happened in between? I hope we get some answers from here on now.

So before getting into episode 2 let’s give some appreciation to the new opening and ending. While I don’t really like the song the scenes playing in the opening are just amazing, even though we get some minor spoilers from there I still quite like it, my favorite moments are Hibiki, Shirabe and Maria in the training montage, they’re just too good. About the ending, while the pictures in there are nothing that special this probably my favorite ending so far.

Now to the episode itself. To starters let me leave my ode to Maria in this episode. Even though she herself hasn’t snagged any victory in this episode she still shone like no other. Her new song was great and she was amazing in her battles, especially in the second one, she was brilliant. And also that moment of her with Elfnein was just so adorable. Best girl.

The other battle of this episode was pretty interesting as well. I believe this is the first time we see a symphogear hurting a civilian and it’s quite shocking. I don’t necessarily know if shooting the boy’s leg was really the only way to save him but regardless of it is still a pretty interest conflict to develop. Now, I do think that making the boy the brother of someone who we’ve never seen before and that has a very complicated relationship with Chris was a bit too much, but I’m interested to see what comes out from it.

The backstory of the Illuminati is quite interesting as well, but they’ve shown that to us in the most boring way ever, and also I don’t like how Saint-Germain's (that’s her name right?) speech is so out of place in that situation. Like, you’re with two comrades that are on your side and probably already know the history, making her state that in that moment is just off. Just like that weird relic, which I have many questions about but I know they’ll explain it later (at least I hope so).

Episode 3 is probably the worst one of this batch. It does some nice things like giving more information about the Illuminati, I’m particularly curious about this new autoscorer and it’s weird resemblance to Hibiki, Maria and Tsubasa escape from the noise attack is also pretty good, and in the second fight, we get probably one of the cooler attacks we’ve seen so far. But that’s pretty much it and this isn’t enough to hold this episode against the bad things it has going on.

This episode starts very off and the ending of the fight that started on the last one was very anticlimactic. Then we have the big boss of this season saying to destroy the gears when this was something GX has already done. We get a boring part that was all just exposition about the gears. And the most boring part was all that technical talk about the subspace pocket that just made me confused as hell. Also, just episode 3 and we’re already over-dependant of the ignite module as it seems... I hope this doesn’t mean another mechanic that’ll make this one (THAT IS DANGEROUS ENOUGH ALREADY) obsolete and banalize another mortal thing.

I wish they’ve done more with Chris struggle more than just mention it and not really dig on it, maybe this would balance things out a little and make this episode less frustrating. Sadly that wasn’t the case so I’ll just move on before I fall asleep and don’t finish this post in time.

I’ve said 3 was the worst, but actually, thinking about it now, episode 4 is probably the worst.

How to begin this one?

For starters, what the hell was the writing team thinking when they just explicitly told that using condoms isn’t good????????? Like, I understand y’all are trying to make people fuck so the birth-rate can rise again BUT HAVE CONSCIOUS ABOUT THIS THING YOU DUMBASSES, CONDOMS DO MORE THAN JUST PREVENT CHILDREN YOU FUCKS. Gosh, I’m so mad at this I just wanna kick some people in the balls.

Then we have that Cagliostro fight THAT SERVES NO PURPOSE AT ALL. She basically just got kicked in the ass and neither sides got anything from it. It was such a waste of time, and they even managed to revert Chris to the “let everything to me, I can handle it” bullshit that pissed me off last season, I thought we were over this by this point.

And don’t you look at that, in the second fight the Ignite Module doesn’t work anymore, and suddenly the girls are way weaker than the enemies, and now Elfneim will have to spend time trying to make something THAT IS ABLE TO STAND AGAINST NUCLEAR FUSION instead of making LiNKER so the whole team can fight this treat together.

You know, I was excited about the Faust Robe thing, I liked Carol’s last season, why wouldn’t I like it now? WELL, I’M NOT GONNA LIKE THIS SHIT NOW BECAUSE THEY’RE USING IT AS SOMETHING SO OVERPOWERED THAT A FINAL BOSS COULD BE USING IN THE CLIMAX OF THE SEASON, IS LIKE TRYING TO BEAT THE POKÉMON LEAGUE WITH A MAGIKARP THAT ONLY KNOWS SPLASH. FOR GOD’S SAKE.

At least the guy gets naked when he’s practically making a small sun on his hand, I think I’d be even more upset if they didn’t, seeing how they don’t think twice before sexualizing any of the girls. So I guess that’s a positive.

The ex-FIS team also did pretty well this time, probably the only time I wasn’t scratching my head or upset at this one.

I kinda want to continue watching so that I won’t go to sleep with such a bitter taste in my mouth, but I’m sleep depraved and I need my bed more than anything right now so I’ll be going.

I wonder if I bite my hand I’ll get some sweetness from it since humans are kinda like the tomatoes from that old woman? 🤔

[kurogabae]

Tsubasa: Trainwreck Chronicles

And Why Bee Train Has Failed Me Not Only as a Company, but as a Concept in General; an Essay by Popular Demand

part 1 -- part 2

In part 1 (linked above) I spoke about the anime adaptations of the opening/introductions of our main cast through Jade and our first filler. These were episodes 1-16. Out of 26 for the season and 52 for the series. I don’t feel like my time has been wasted with pointless, endless, literally 30+ second long shots of characters staring at each other or into the distance for no reason. No. Not at all. Those moments added a lot of needed and organic tension and suspense.

Really.

But Sakura gazing longingly at a giant fish aside, we’re going to get into what is probably my most hated canon arc of the anime - Outo. Now, I loved Outo in the manga, it was an amazing world and it really kick started a lot of character and plot developments in TRC, not to mention that it was just generally a lot of fun. It was the longest world thus far and it had had the most characters in it as well. Outo was great. It’s one of my favorite worlds, right along side Piffle and fanon!Yama. 

Bee Train did me dirty guys. Real dirty. 

Outo:

So the animation swings wildly in this arc from “yeah that’s not so bad” to “Fai is that your hair or a giant yellow spider eating your head?” - pretty par for the course as far as the anime goes. Mostly. But then we have the changes to plot, both for the sake of the Children(tm) and... Just Because? It’s also in Outo that we start really noticing that whoever was in charge of directing the music usage was really just throwing music at the animation and hoping something stuck. 

I’ll try to keep this linear but I make no promises.

We start off pretty normal - arrive, greeted by The Ladies, whisked off to City Hall. Fai gives them all their delightful Outo names while Syaoran looks on in a mild panic. They buy the cafe and get attacked - and here I have my First Issue.

For some reason, probably to make me hate them more than I already do, they change the events of the Oni attack just enough that Kurogane doesn’t grab Sakura out of the way of the ambush, iirc Fai grabs her. This might seem like nothing, but the anime has kept Kurogane and Sakura’s interactions to basically zero and if someone were to only watch the anime they would miss out on a lot of very small but meaningful moments between those two. Also, it’s important to me okay!

Morning comes and plot is still basically on track - Syaoran and Kurogane become oni hunters and Fai and Sakura open the cafe. 

Now, when the family gets their costume changes, things get a little odd and the music is to blame. Sakura wakes up and goes to greet the family, who are all wearing what they’ll be sporting for the rest of Outo. As her view pans (ba-dum tss) over each of them a weird smooth jazz sort of music starts to play. I don’t know what to call it, but the tone makes it feel vaguely sexual/romantic, or at least like that’s what the intent is. Now if this had happened over Syaoran alone it probably wouldn’t have been weird, but funny. It doesn’t just happen to Syaoran though, Kurogane gets the music too (Fai is the first she sees and the music only starts playing as Sakura begins to look away). It’s a really strange music choice for this moment.

When Sakura changes into her cafe maid outfit and the boys see her it isn’t just a Sakura and Syaoran moment, which would be fine. If they weren’t playing that music again. And also Kurogane hyuus. At Sakura.   ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ It was all very weird. I didn’t like it. Could have been just me.

Night one of oni hunting is here and so is another change that I don’t understand? Before when they added characters to the scene it was Sakura and I assumed it was them trying to give her more screen time, but Sakura is very much left out of this whole bit while Fai, who should be back at the cafe with her preparing to open up a business, is with Kurogane and Syaoran. Why? “I like to watch you at work, Kuro-sama.” (Which would have been simply amazing foreshadowing if we were ever going to so much as glance at Fai’s backstory in the anime, which we aren’t. Hell, at this point we don’t even know what it is because Celes hasn’t been published yet, so Bee Train is pulling this out of their ass. What a waste.)

Syaoran and Kurogane kill some oni, there’s very vague talk about Syaoran’s blind eye (they never outright say he’s blind in it, just that he “has trouble with it”), and we get to meet Yuzuriha and Kusanagi. Syaoran does not fawn over Inuki and I am once again personally insulted. It’s here that Kurogane learns about the names.

Fai manages to make it all the way back to the Cafe alive before Kurogane corners him. Also, even though Fai was gone all night with the puppies he still has a chocolate cake made and ready to serve to Yuzuriha and Kusanagi after they follow his and Kurogane’s immature murder trail home. Which is frankly bullshit. I know Sakura didn’t make that cake.

Syaoran and Kurogane don’t have to fight to prove their worth to the information seller, which is whatever I guess. Probably just trying to save time and budget, but that didn’t really help you now did it Bee Train?

Now, surprisingly, I actually liked the change they made to the bar scene/the fight before the bar. Fai and Kurogane don’t have their Moment in the bar, since this time they’ve missed Oruha and will have to come back. And instead of fighting on the way to the bar, the oni attack them on their way home. The song “Kaze no Machi he” plays over not only the KuroFai vs oni fight, but also sweet moments between Syaoran and Sakura in the cafe, effectively setting a very nice parallel between the two couples while still contrasting them. It’s a wonderful scene and it’s part of what makes me so extra mad at Bee Train for how they treated the whole series, because they clearly know how to do their jobs, they were just too lazy to give TRC the effort and care it deserved. 

It was a really great scene and I would suggest watching just that couple of minutes, even if you don’t watch anything else from the Bee Train anime, simply because of how well it’s put together. Was it all just a happy editing accident? Maybe, but it’s one that I love.

Of course, like all things I love, Seishirou soon shows up to ruin them. This time with bad special effects.

This is of course after a pretty much canon-compliant intro to Ryuu-ou and Souma, complete with Kurogane dropping his freshly injured boyfriend on the ground in shock. Followed by pouting that I will take as a personal apology.

It’s not enough to make up for the lack of drunken shenanigans. Not even close.

Syaoran’s learned that not all of life’s problems can be solved by kicking. Sometimes you need to stab them. He asks Kurogane to teach him, but unlike in the manga where this is a sweet, if somber, moment between just the pair of them, Fai is, again, on the scene where he shouldn’t be. He’s also acting rather bitchy and tells Syaoran that if Kurogane teaches him to use a sword he needs to be ready to kill with it. Now this new dialogue is fucked up on a couple of levels.

Firstly, this is the same night Kurogane just lectured Fai about valuing his own life and admitted to killing more people than he could count in order to protect what he considered important to him. I’m sure we’re meant to read this as a type of semi-protective warning on Fai’s part towards Syaoran, but it comes off as petty at best and out right cruel at worst, to both Syaoran and Kurogane. Syaoran because he’s thirteen and he just wants to help save the love of his life who he is convinced he’ll never get back. Kurogane because he’s having this thing that’s pretty central to him at this point in his life thrown in his face with venom and treated like a danger towards his own adopted son. 

Second, and big spoilers, if you’re watching this after Tokyo and Celes have been published (which at the time of the airing they were not) Fai telling Syaoran to “be prepared to kill” is fucked up. It’s clear in Tokyo that Fai has known for a while (we don’t find out how long exactly until Celes) that Syaoran is a clone. He also has known that Syaoran is a very real threat, basically a ticking time bomb. Fai would not be egging him on like this. 

So, the whole exchange is very drastically changed in tone by giving Fai a small handful of lines, and in my humble onion it isn’t for the better. 

Do you wanna know what is better though? The quality of these weapons compared to the everything else that’s been seen in Outo so far, and we don’t get better. The animation takes a noticeable dip from here on out. It’s especially noticeable because Bee Train has gotten into the habit of padding episodes with flashbacks and recaps of things we saw only a few episodes ago like they’re fucking Naruto and when you cut from one of the decently animated flashbacks to the current shitshow it’s really jarring.

Quality aside (for the moment) the puppies finally get their swords but before they had left, Sakura asks Syaoran about what he and Kurogane are planning to do during the day. It’s a fair question since they’re heading out early, but no oni can be hunted until night. For some reason he doesn’t tell her they’re going to get weapons? Or that he’s going to train with Kurogane? He just says “It’s nothing to worry about” and like... why? 

On several levels why. First we have the whole why have Sakura ask if Syaoran’s not even going to tell her anything - maybe to add tension, as if they didn’t have enough, maybe to add angst, as if they didn’t have enough. He’s got no reason to hide this. She knows he hunts oni, telling her he’s going to better arm himself would only be a good thing, hell if he really wanted to avoid saying that he was going to get a sword he could have said that he was going with Kurogane to get one since Kurogane’s broke the night before. Second, Syaoran not answering only makes Sakura feel bad and worry more and I’ve never been so frustrated in my life. Yes, Syaoran tries to keep things from hurting Sakura but in the manga he doesn’t treat her like spun glass.

And then Mokona just tells her anyway so honestly the entire exchange was 95% meaningless and I demand to know who made these choices so I can meet them in the pit!!

Really the purpose is probably to waste time and pad the episode, but there’s enough in Outo that they really shouldn’t need to do this? But hey, what do I know? I’ve only read this series 10 times and done I can’t tell you how many analysis essays on the characters and plot. Surely some hacks who probably only glanced over the material know better.

So now Kurogane is throwing rocks at Syaoran. Not a whole lot is different for a while - we throw rocks at Syaoran, we blindfold Syaoran, we leave Syaoran all on his own to wander the city, Ryuu-ou stops Syaoran from getting his ass kicked by oni that he’s too focused on puzzling out to dodge, they flirt, they flirt so much. 

Ryuu-ou takes Syaoran to see the Biggest and Prettiest cherry blossom tree in Outo, because Ryuu-ou goes big or not at all and he’s got a boy to woo. 

Meanwhile, Fai has gotten a piano for the cafe that he can’t play and Sakura can speak to musical instruments, kinda. After another TouYuki cameo where they don’t recognize Sakura, Fai leaves Sakura to look after the cafe for reasons I can’t recall but that are probably dumb. Oruha shows up and she and Sakura have a Magical Musical Moment where Oruha plays the deus ex baby grand and learns all about how Sakura can’t remember Syaoran and somehow sees all the memories that Sakura can’t see/doesn’t have and folks I could not tell you what this adds to the story other than more confusion to people new to the series and frustration to people who have read the manga.

Let me break it down - Sakura doesn’t have these memories. Yuuko literally took them away as payment, they no longer exist. If they try to exist Sakura goes through a soft reset as seen earlier in this arc. Oruha should not be able to access them, super special VR powers be damned. The memories aren’t there to access. 404: Childhood Friendship not found.

This is all without touching on the creep factor of someone casually rooting around in Sakura’s head without her knowledge or permission. Hasn’t she’s lost enough autonomy?

Magic Music Memory time over, Oruha leaves and we’re spoiled and shown that Outo is VR and not actually the world we think it is, ruining both a really neat reveal and the weight of Syaoran and Fai’s “deaths” later in the arc. Do you want suspense and angst or not Bee Train?!?!

After reading some notes I had on the anime I think Fai left Sakura alone to go drinking with Kurogane because it’s now that they have their Moment in the Clover bar and finally meet Oruha (who stopped at the Cat’s Eye, sang with Sakura and read her mind, and then popped back to Clover because fuck you). 

So. The dads are drinking and gathering info, the boys are flirting, and Sakura is doing what she did in Hanshin - where she enters zombie mode and autopilots towards her feather. Yuzuriha appears in the nick of time to stop Sakura from meeting Seishirou and for this I think she should receive a medal of some sort in all honesty. 

As the girlfriends make their way back to Cat’s Eye Seishirou summons a Giant Deku Baba (seriously, Nintendo should look into copyright) and attacks the boyfriends. Ryuu-ou has to, once again, pull Syaoran out of harm’s way as he stands there aghast at the sudden turn of events. Things get a little too close to becoming a very uncomfortable tentacle based hentai and everyone escapes with their lives and virtue intact.  

Syaoran tries to defend Seishirou’s honor because he thinks Seishirou has honor to defend, but no one is buying it. We also get a brief look at our resident Lava Lamp Dweller (who I might remind you all we never get answers about in ANY form in the anime) before we are swiftly moving along to another moment between Syaoran and Sakura where he’s pretty much lying to her face about things he doesn’t need to lie about and Sakura ought to chew him out. 

Why? Why Bee Train? This is so OOC. Rewrite this fanfic. 

It’s Tower of Terror time and Kurogane is Delighted about the 3% chance of survival he’s been handed. So far we’re back on track. Except we’re not.

Manga readers will remember looking back on this as one of our first Big Hints about Kurogane’s past - his hang ups about the demons leaving behind no bones or bodies of their past victims, implying that they’ve been eaten whole, and how that seemed to bother him. There’s the vaguest of hints that Kurogane still has a personal grudge with demons here in the anime, but it’s a lot less impactful and I don’t know how much meaning it would have to someone who didn’t have prior manga knowledge to fall back on. I feel like it falls a bit flat (especially once we see how Kurogane’s past has been sterilized for a younger audience).

Aside from that, the tower is more or less the same, bad hentai jokes and all. 

Things also go very similarly at the cafe - Sakura works herself up into a tizzy and passes out, Fai feels the first emotion outside of Guilt and Horny he’s felt in upwards of a century, and Mokona tells him that he’s fine and that no, that’s not heartburn it’s affection. 

Enter King Trashface. He’s holding the feather in some sort of weird space disco ball? Not the worst thing, just an odd choice? He and Fai exchange words (starting with Fai telling Seishirou to fuck off in the most polite way ever) - during which Fai’s animation makes it seem that the closer Fai gets to “death” the more his face distorts, which is terrible and hilarious. 

Before Fai gets turned into demon chow though, Seishirou calls him out on being Mr. Deathwish, especially since Fai is fighting without using magic that could very possibly save him. At this point Fai flashes back to his and Kurogane’s “how about we don’t die” talk earlier and Fai says that he might want to live after all. Which is like. Bullshit at this point in the journey. He doesn’t want to live, he really really doesn’t and the very fact that he’s not using his magic is proof positive of that (see: Le Court). Though also, even with a bum ankle he thinks he can take Seishirou until he pulls out the feather. At which point Fai basically tells Mokona to pay attention to how he dies so she can tell the others about it. Which is so... against what he just said?

This is well before we ever see even a manga version of Fai with anything resembling self preservation or a proper will to live, but we have enough of his character for the anime writers to know that this is a very big leap for him to be taking so soon. I feel like if they wanted to give him a hopeful outlook (which is what I think they were trying to do after coming off the scene with Sakura and Mokona) they could have had him seem more wishy-washy about it, or phrased it as a curiosity. “Something I didn’t expect has happened and I wanna see where it goes” is a much better way for him to have made the same statement. At least in my opinion.

Anyway, he dies and I find his death scene really funny because you just see his legs dangling slowly and it’s so... idk it might just be me but I couldn’t stop laughing. 

Now I am pretty sure Seishirou causes this but Outo starts glitching. Everything starts going full Matrix rainbows on us and all the NPCs vanish. Souma is worried about the game falling apart and Ryuu-ou and Yuzuriha are both worried about their potential love lives new friends.

Here we come to a few things I very much HATE that were changed. Once Fai is dead Sakura goes zombie again and starts to follow after her feather/Seishirou before the puppies get home, so only Mokona is there waiting. This means I have lost yet ANOTHER FATHER-DAUGHTER MOMENT!! It also means that when Syaoran runs after Seishirou and gets murderized she not only sees it happen but... dies? with? him? Because she hugs him while the game is transporting him out? I dunno. It’s bad and dumb and I hate it. 

So Kurogane thinks they’re ALL DEAD, which is great. It’s not like he isn’t already having a bad enough day. Not that you could tell by looking because the animation doesn’t have him emote at all. He looks basically bored as Mokona tells them that Fai is dead while Syaoran is a step away from a full on meltdown. @beetrain you do know that Kurogane has emotions other than anger and Fight Me(tm) right?

And now Seishirou is idk posturing? Bragging? He talks about how there’s no one left to oppose him now that the 13 year olds are dead, completely ignoring the pissed off ninja murder machine that has nothing left to lose that’s coming for his sorry ass. I don’t remember him being that cocky in the manga? Am I misremembering or did the anime somehow make Seishirou even more unlikable? Either way, Kurogane finds the slimeball and, to my extreme annoyance, only asks if he killed Fai and Syaoran - not Sakura - even though he believes all of them to be dead. The anime keeps doing this and I have ranted about it so much I’ll spare you the retyping. For now.

A quick list of minor things that happen that I dislike:

Fai’s coat and Sakura’s cloak both pull random appearing and disappearing acts between episodes

No one is even a little surprised when Syaoran’s sword sets itself on fire

The pacing could kill a man. Unfortunately Seishirou lives.

My soap opera isn’t real and this is

Seishirou knows Syaoran is a clone and drops hints about something we are never getting resolution to

Oruha, after allowing Seishirou to fuck off, just, you know, tells Sakura that she has missing memories of Syaoran

Memories that she somehow was able to access even though they no longer exist within Sakura

If Yuuko says no memories she means NO MEMORIES!!!

FWR watches the demon rampage across Edonis. He’s probably reminiscing. Like an asshole. 

Outo wraps up and is it the worst of the arcs? No. But am I bitter about the things that were done to it because it changed a lot of fundamental things about the characters and the plot? Yes. 

See you next time, where I’ll probably talk about more than one arc. Until then, have this.

[part 1] [part 2]

[enderwalking]

Whats up its tsubasa anon, bsck to ruin your day!

I see your "fai was never able to learn healing magic" and I raise you: fai was told as a child that his greatest crime was that he wasn't willing to die, that he wasn't willing to let his brother die. How the death of an entire world was blamed on that decision.

Do you think about fai, desperate to trade his life for his brother's? Do you think about fai, unable to bear his magic being the source of any more violence (unwilling to let syaoran, soul or no soul, contain that violence, to wield it), asking to die? Do you think about him giving up on reviving his brother for the chance to protect these people he was never supposed to care about, that he was supposed to kill when the time came?

Do you think about kurogane, no family left in the world, no context for the centuries of hurt built up in fai, seeing this as fai giving up on them? Kurogane who learned love from his parents as guardians of a country, who didn't stop fighting until they were forced to by death?

Do you think about these two men, so intensely products of the hurt children they once were? One unable to tolerate the others desire to die, one unable to forgive the other for forcing him to live?

Hey what do you think the c!emeraldduo equivalent of "Good morning, kurogane" would be?

see this for me is where the comparisons begin to fall apart a bit because while this is all true of fai and i Am extremely fucked up about it thank you very much trc anon you're the WORST, cphil's flaws have never particularly been about self-destruction or sacrifice imo? he's always been quite conscious of survival, and while i don't think he would ever hesitate in throwing himself on the blade for the sake of his loved ones, i don't think he would ever seek it so desperately the way fai does, even in his worst moments. cphil's flaws, at least to me, are instead about like. this contradiction between responsibility and separation? responsibility because he has to be the one to fix things, to see things through, to teach the lesson and repair the damage, but separation because he also has to exist Apart from people, whether that's because of his regrets over the pain he's caused them, or because he believes the best way to respect them is to give them distance, or just because of the ever-present knowledge that everyone he knows and loves he will one day lose.

in this au, where he's been conditioned to believe that his mere presence in people's lives has the power to doom them, i think that tendency toward separation becomes even more pronounced. he exists among the group and will do what he can to help because he has a job to do, a responsibility to fulfill, but he Will Not push, he will back off at the slightest show of resistance, even if he knows that he should interfere he just. can't. because what if he just makes things worse?

and like. in canon, c!emeralds have years and years of camraderie and shared experience and understanding backing their relationship, but in this situation where they don't have any of that and all ctechno knows is that he Has to fight for everything until his dying breath (because ctechno in any universe is all about loyalty and duty) whereas this guy backs off the second things get hard? yeah, kurogane's vicious callouts of fai's flaws would definitely still exist, even if the flaws in question are different.

in this scenario, the thing that causes the acid tokyo fallout would probably not be ctechno forcing cphil to stay alive, but instead putting him in a situation where he is forced to take action against his will, and in doing so cphil's fears are proven right; something goes wrong, someone fails to be saved, and once again it's all his fault.

also, this is completely derailing but you did get me thinking: cphil does not have fai's flaw of self-sacrifice, but um well do you ever think about "keep the discs i've done enough with my life" or like uhhhh

[plounce]

reading thru nick coa’s new posts and like

“And like you mentioned with Kurogane, both are acting selfishly - Fai for putting his wish to die above how much this will shatter his family, and Kurogane for putting his love for Fai above Fai’s own wishes.”

i actually really really like this post (especially how it brings up the point of kurogane’s protectiveness being shown in extremes, to the point of slaughter with tomoyo (although that’s a response to the trauma of suwa) and to the point of forcible life-giving with fai) but like. oooooooof i cannot wait until nick has the context to understand that from fai’s perspective, letting himself die is... not tooooootally selfish? because beyond his everpresent death wish, everything about his life and his entire experience of the world has him firmly believing that he inherently brings death and destruction and unhappiness upon those he loves... so it’s not that fai doesn’t care as much for how this will impact those he loves (and who he can barely believe love him, will actually care if he lives or dies - yuuko has to go HEY DUMB ASS DON’T FORGET YOU MATTER TO THEM), it’s that he cares more about how his absence will help them. no curse in their hearts. no traitor in their midst.

and nick also talks about “different values” and perspectives and i just think that’s very good. and maybe it’s because i’m a depressed bastard and Fai Stan PH.D but like. OOOOOOOOF!!!!!!!!!

i guess my point is... i’m not saying fai is “right” because 1. different values 2. i know how his narrative will go 3. i know tsubasa’s themes so i know that in tsubasa’s context, fai eventually grows to think differently.................. so anyway i’m not saying that he’s “right” because i’m not interested in that, i’m focused on understanding fai’s reactions to things and i have a total bias to go “yeah that’s justified. look at this poor bastard. he has anxiety”

although speaking personally (as i just said i’m not interested in doing lmao): i do disagree with anon about kurogane’s decision being “horribly selfish.” maybe because i read “horribly” as “negative” here but like........ fai was still making that decision to die under REALLY FUCKED UP MENTAL ISSUES! and kurogane could tell fai’s gone through shit to make him deeply unhappy! and kurogane is demonstrably willing to put in the love and effort to help fai through dealing with that! he is ride or die, baby!

i guess at the end of the day: fai is a character who has been manipulated by people for their own goals. but at the end of the day, kurogane is the one w

hm i just had a thought. a weird thought. i don’t like it because i don’t like ashura because he’s a gaslighting bastard, but ashura also does all that he does for the sake of freeing fai from fwr’s curse/manipulations, in a really fucky way to return agency to fai, in a way that fai REALLY DOESN’T LIKE AND NEVER ASKED FOR AND DOESN’T WISH FOR, in a way that sort of... sacrifices his own wellbeing? mental wellbeing?

i guess the main difference is that kurogane keeping fai alive after fai asks to go gently into that foul night is not the same as slaughtering a whole country of people. i’m actually kind of annoyed with myself because i’m drawing more connections and parallels between kurogane and ashura than i want to, because i dislike ashura, but the problem is ashura did try to help fai in his really terrible way. and to fai as he was in tokyo - with very little capacity to have the desire to live - kurogane was helping him in a really terrible way too.

ashura did all that he did to help fai escape fwr’s curses. i’ve said before that kurogane’s goals were to help fai continue to live so/and then help him regain a grip on his agency. i guess the thing is: ashura did ‘sacrifice himself’ (idk the particulars of how he ‘went mad’), but he also sacrificed (read: murdered) hundreds of lives. at the least. clamp presents his love for fai in a complex way - he loves his son, so he does monstrous things to help him on a grand scale, as in rg veda. that’s what ashura does. kurogane never put anyone in harm’s way but himself, and he never gave up his own life. so ashura and fai were always unequal, while kurogane and fai are.

the tsubasa/holic narrative has four stories about bringing someone back from the brink of death by way of a deal: three are virtuous, one is... a disaster. in-series order: the clones’ memory/feathers deal, the kf vampirism deal, the original’s reservoir deal (that they were manipulated into thinking), and... clow’s wish for yuuko to open her eyes again.

the difference here is that yuuko was already dead. c!sakura, fai, and r!sakura were about to die, but the syaorans and kurogane interceded and made their deals in time. they asked for lives, but the lives were still there, and they did pay MASSIVE prices for them in their own ways. (relationships, captivity, etc). so there’s that theme of “moving forward and claiming your future and wanting to live happily in the future you choose” that tsubasa fucking adores. kurogane pushes for that. and i guess in the end, kurogane’s action in tokyo........ ok wait i was about to say “is more heroic/virtuous because he isn’t totally sacrificing his life for fai,” and right NOW i was about to say “because this post is meant to be about fai’s agency” but THEN i remembered that clamp has all those themes about total self-sacrifice being bad so i guess it kind of IS about kurogane not sacrificing himself? fuck!

well here’s what i think. kurogane didn’t re-traumatize fai in tokyo. c!syaoran did. fai was responding to the physical and mental trauma he’d just experienced, and kurogane was going WAIT HOLD ON A SECOND LET’S GET THROUGH THIS AND THEN WE CAN HAVE A NICE SIT-DOWN AND TALK ABOUT WHAT JUST HAPPENED WITH OUR SON AND YOUR EYE AND OH MY GOD? MY FAMILY JUST VIOLENTLY DISSOLVED AROUND ME? I NEED TO TALK ABOUT THIS TOO BABE

but of course kurogane is only halfway through his character arc as is fai, so he just has a couple awkward conversations with r!syaoran while fai Hides and Plots with sakura. OH YOU TWO!

okay last thing: yes it’s bad to be suicidal. i’m just gonna say this. speaking objectively, and not as me at a bad moment who would be kicking and screaming against what i’m about to say, but that’s me in the grips of depression: people should not be allowed to kill themselves. people should be stopped from killing themselves. fai was not a geriatric turning off the life support, or someone in need of a mercy killing because they could do nothing else but die slowly and painfully: fai was passively suicidal. kurogane has known about this tendency for like maybe a year now?

so yeah. kurogane stopping fai from basically killing himself is absolutely different from ashura slaughtering a population of people in an attempt to free fai from his curses that didn’t work at all, and directly re-traumatized into thinking that he brought death doom destruction etc wherever he lived and loved. glad i had this talk with myself to arrive at my regular conclusions. HOORAY

[akemilena]

Tsukino Demon Parade special drama CD (Summer) track 4

澄んだ泉のほとりにて

By the side of a clear spring

Track 3 || Translation index || Track 5

Tsubasa: … There we go. Um… Shuuu!! Shu!! Are you here?

Shu: Hello, good evening, Tsubasa. It’s a wonderful night, the moon is beautiful.

Tsubasa: Shu! I’m so glad you’re here! As always, with a way too cool entrance.

Shu: Hm? Is there any problem?

Tsubasa: No, it’s nothing! I just thought that I’m saved if you’re here!

Shu: My, I didn’t know you had such burning desire for me. Did something happen, Tsubasa?

Tsubasa: Ahhh… well…

Shu: That’s rare. For that Tsubasa to hesitate.

Tsubasa: Hey, what’s with the “that”! What does it mean?!

Shu: *laughs* It just means what I said. You understand, right? Last week you got into a huge fight with Shiki too.

Tsubasa: No, that was…!!!! That was… his fault. He says he likes sake, so I brought to the banquet a rare kind of sake I got by chance… and then…

Shu: And then?

Tsubasa: When I left my seat for a second, he!!! That stupid idiot oni!!!! He drank it all by himself!!! I also wanted Dai-chan and Rikka to drink it, and I was looking forward to tasting it too, you know!!!

Shu: I see. If that’s true, then I understand why you’d get angry.

Tsubasa: Right!?!?! Ahh… but…

Shu: Hm?

Tsubasa: Today… I think I might make you angry.

Shu: Make me angry? Hey, hey, now that’s ominous. Leaving aside if I’ll get angry or not, tell me your problem first? We’ll talk after that.

Tsubasa: … Right… Y-you know…

Shu: Yeah.

Tsubasa: Um…

Shu: …

Tsubasa: *puts his hands together* Will you give me your gekirin*?!

Shu: … Gekirin?

Tsubasa: Yeah. You’re a mizuchi, but your real form is a dragon, right? I heard from Shiki. You’re not a being that should be living in a small spring like this, that you’re like a deity. And I want that gekirin of yours!

Shu: … And why do you want something like that? What will you use it for?

Tsubasa: Ah- that’s…

Shu: Certainly, I’m a kind of dragon, and I have a gekirin. However, as you know, it’s in a place I don’t like to show, and I don’t like people to touch it. As you imagine, I’d prefer hearing your reasons…

Tsubasa: Uh…

Shu: Tsubasa?

Tsubasa: Close to the forest where I sleep, there’s a small village, you see…

Shu: Yes, I know. The children from there usually play in your shrine, right? You were angry that they were noisy and were interrupting your nap.

Tsubasa: Yeah. And in that village… since a month ago or so, a weird illness has been spreading… people that were healthy suddenly got a fever and collapsed… and they’re always in bed. And among them, there are some of those kids… no, it’s not just because of that, but… you see, I don’t really like if it’s too quiet…

Shu: Hmm?

Tsubasa: Shu… are you laughing?

Shu: I’m not laughing.

Tsubasa: Anyway! It kind of bugged me so I searched into it, and found out it’s not a normal illness. It’s a curse.

Shu: A curse that harms people… that’s not gentle. Who on earth did it?

Tsubasa: A nasty tsukumogami. The first person to get sick was a merchant from a rich family, and he recently got a jar with a shady history from who knows where. That was the tsukumogami’s identity. Apparently it has cursed and killed hundreds of people… and it has no purpose or anything anymore. It’s become a being that just brings misfortune to people and kills them. I want to stop that! Also, at this rate, the kids will…

Shu: I see. Then, how is my gekirin involved in this?

Tsubasa: Uh… if I could, I’d finish him off quickly myself, but you know, that thing is quite mature now… and honestly, it’s a bit tough. Ah, just so you know, I don’t think I’m going to lose! But this is not just my problem. I can’t afford to fail. So I want to make assurance double sure, and that’s why I want a powerful weapon. Shu, you have an amazing purifying power, right? So… uh… you can’t, after all?

Shu: Hm…

Tsubasa: Please, Shu!! I beg of you!!

Shu: *sigh* Good grief. And Shiki was just teasing me the other day because I was spoiling Ichiru and Issei too much…

Tsubasa: Oh… then…

Shu: I’ll forgive you just because it’s you. It’s special, okay?

Tsubasa: Thank you, Shu!!! *hugs* I love you!!!!

Shu: Okay, okay. Here.

Tsubasa: … Eh? We’re… we’re taking it now?? Eh, wait… but can I touch it and take it? I know I asked you to give it to me but… will it grow again? It won’t?

Shu: You’re asking all of that a bit late. I want to give it to you before my resolution falters. I don’t like to touch it myself either, so I prefer others to take it. It will grow again eventually. Probably. That’s all.

Tsubasa: U-uwaahh… I’m super sorry, Shu…

Shu: Use it efficiently, okay? Also, next time, don’t bring sake to Shiki, bring me some rare tea.

Tsubasa: I definitely… definitely!! Will bring it to you!!! U-um… well then… excuse me~

Shu: Ugh… do you see it?

Tsubasa: Yeah… just at the middle of your neck… there’s a scale that’s shining lightly… I guess… it’s this?

Shu: I don’t know myself, but probably, yes.

Tsubasa: … Can I take it?

Shu: If you ask me so many times it makes me want to say no!

Tsubasa: Ah- okay. Then… I’m sorry, Shu!

Shu: Ugh!!!

Track 3 || Translation index || Track 5

TL notes:

Okay so *breathes* time to explain:

Gekirin (逆鱗) is one of the 81 scales dragons have, placed under the chin, and the only one that grows upside down. Dragons originally don’t cause humans any kind of harm, but they absolutely hate it when someone touches their gekirin, so if someone does they get incredibly furious and kill the person instantly (Tsubasa you’re so lucky Shu is so kind you have no idea).

From this legend, the expression that the “gekirin should not be touched” was born, and then it adopted the meaning of “invoking the wrath of the emperor”, and that’s why gekirin is translated as “imperial wrath” nowadays. (Source)

As to what kind of powers does it have by itself and how can someone use them, I have no idea. I’ll leave that to your imagination. Hope I managed to explain it a bit tho!

Tsubasa and Shiki’s fight is also explained in this short story.

In this track:

Tsubasa: Karasu tengu (烏天狗), a crow-billed goblin. Can fly in the air at will

Shu: Mizuchi (蛟), a type of Japanese dragon or legendary serpent-like creature

Thanks for reading!

[ellayuki]

16.09.’17

tsubasa reservoir(/world) chronicle, kurogane pov

fai’s fingers carding through his hair reminds kurogane of his childhood.

companion to yesterday’s piece

~

fai’s fingers in his hair, carding gently, tenderly, both reminds kurogane of his mother and doesn’t, at the same time.

it does because she used to di it from time to time when he was young, when he was sick, or upset, or missed his father when he was away to protect their home. she’d take him into her lap and her fingers would lull him into a sense of calm so deep it would put him to sleep faster than any lullaby or bedtime story.

it’s one of the rare times he remembers suwa and his boyhood and his family without the twinge of sadness, of heartache, of loss. fai’s fingers, for all their scars (and there are many, many scars left from a child’s desperate attempt at scaling a unclimbable tower over and over again), are as delicate as his mother’s used to be.

kurogane likes to think it has something to do with being a magic wielder, though he knows that it’s probably not the case.

it’s different, at the same time, too, for obvious reasons.

fai’s is a lover’s caress, full of love and promise and comfort, that has his body both heat up and relax in a way nothing else ever can.

the night air is warm and quiet around them, peaceful, and the treats and sake in his belly and the hand in his hair have melted his bones and turned him lazy, sleepy.

when fai starts humming, low and sweet, kurogane lets it wash through his senses and calm his already drowsy mind. he faintly wonders what the song is, whether a valerian lullaby, or some popular song from ashura’s court. maybe it’s something fai’s picked up during their travels, or maybe it’s just something made up then and there.

kurogane doesn’t ask, doesn’t want to break whatever spell has been woven into the ari around them.

whatever it is, it pulls him under, and kurogane lets himself falls asleep.

as he does, he feels the whisper of a kiss on his temple, a butterfly’s soft touch, and words so quiet spoken directly into his skin.

he doesn’t understand them (wouldn’t even if he’d been more awake), but they feel like a prayer, like a blessing, and they follow him into his dreams.

[moonraccoon-exe]

Okay, so I was tagged by @paixen to list and rave about my 10 favorite characters aND I CANNOT CHOOSE A TOP 10, so I’m just going to write characters as they come to my head, please have mercy on me, also some of you may have seen me rant about some before, okay, here I go

1. Ignis Scientia from FFXV: PLEASE DON’T GET ME STARTED.

2. Emil Castagnier, from Tales of Symphonia 2: OKAY, I really need to rant on this one because Emil is tagged as the third or fourth most annoying RPG protagonist to exist AND WHY. Maybe it’s my over developed sense of empathy, but really I understand his attitude and I LOVE the progress he had across the story. He’s a kid that’s been rejected and mistreated all his life, OF COURSE HE’S SHY AND QUIET AND INTROVERT. Protagonists tend to be all brave and almighty and risky. But introverts? We’re veeery rarely EVER portrayed as the heroes or heroines. Introverts are always the shy bookworm wizard or the quiet sassy sidekick, but never the hero. That’s why I loved his character so much, he’s actually very introvert and shy and very insecure, so of course he sounds “whiny”; they’ve literally thrown him into a risky adventure against his will, of course he’s scared. But then you see him deal with his internal problems, lrean to balance the two sides of him, and he ends up being a SUPER AMAZING HERO, because he wasn’t brave, he LEARNED TO BE BRAVE for the sake of the planet’s safety and well being.

Pus his ending is AMAZING I WAS TEARING UP THE ENTIRE TIME, because holyghsduhatrs, not spoiling but what a sacrifice man, like do you know how many GUTS does it take to accept something like that??? AND THEN WHETHER YOU GET GOOD OR BAD ENDING, HE’S JUST SO SELFLESS AND

HNGHFNHFGDHFG *IMPLODES*

INTROVERT PROTAGONISTS FOR THE WIN

3. Tsukasa Futaba or Patrick Sprigs from Megaman Starforce (Ryuusei no Rockman): WHAT IS IT WITH ME AN THE INTROVERT OR MOST HURT OF THE SERIES- *deep breath* This guy. This lovely guy. The poor thing is struggling with literally himself, except it’s not himself. I LOVED his design as Gemini due to the dual personalities like jesus christ, nice thing you did there, writers. I adore his soft, vanilla side because he really is sincere. HE DOESN’T MEAN TO BE MEAN.I feel so bad when he’s refraining himself from doing any harm, it breaks my heart because it’s a DS game and it’s lil avatars but you can see his struggle and- *deep breath* he kills me. He really means to harm to anyone and he’s sefless too, he just- can’t control it. ;____;

4. Fye D. Flowright from Tsubasa Chronicles PLEASE DO NOT GET ME STARTED I WILL NOT STOP HNNFNGFNGF

5. Remus Lupin from Harry Potter, because the man is the most adorable creature to have ever existed, he’s only very scared, he’s insecure, and he only needs to be cuddled and he wants the best for everyone and quiet introvert with love for books and “I’d rather stay home curled under a blanket by the fireplace than go out thank you very much” mood, yessss.

6. Zuko, from Avatar TLA: Ohboi where do I even start. Zuko has one of the best character development in history. He goes majestically from “I am so angered at everyone I will kill you all I only love ME” to “Shit, I was SO WRONG, truth is I was angered at only myself, how do I fix this” with all the steps in between. For a character to realize he’s wrong, that’s one amazing thing. But to go through all stages of it, the ough beginning, the slow realization, the outrage and outbursts of denial, accepting it, crying it, then come to his peace...boi. OH. BOI. Plus, his story has always made me HNFGNGF cause it’s so good. And he’s handsome in the last book. Also firebending = EPICNESS. 

7. I’m trying to pick someone from Final Fantasy Type 0 but most of them are all my babies how do I choose, *eternally sobbing*

8. I am running out of ideas.

9. Death Note’s Light Yagami: because this smartass is so INCREDIBLE. He never- no matter how many times I watch the show (I’ve only done that twice lmao but you get my point) he still mind-blows me. He’s so smart and smooth and sneaky and I hate him so much this bastard I LOVE him. Mamoru Miyano is god in his voice acting, and his latinamerican voice actor did INCREDIBLE and I am hopelessly in love with the voice and the character and one of the best bloody moments is when he’s following this woman around who could easily figure out it’s him, and he keeps staring at his clock and she’s like “Why you looking at your clock so much” and he’s like GIVES THAT EVIL STARE AT HER AND GOODBYE LMAO. Not to say about the moment he’s imprisonated with his MASTERPLAN JESAUSHOLYCHRIST FIRST TIME I SAW THAT I WAS OUT OF MY MIND I HAD TO PAUSE TO SCREAM BECAUSE WOAHMANWHATTHEFUCKTHAT’SEPIC

10. The Maze Runner’s Newt: ....please leave me alone ;____;     *runs away crying*

Okay so I have NO IDEA who to tag, but if you want to do this you tag me as if I tagged you. Have fun!!  ヽ(・∀・)ﾉ

[shenanigumi]

Some thoughts on Harada-hen

I’ll reserve final judgment for a more polished cut, like a DVD rip, but in the meantime…

Not that too many of you care at all, but it’s always easier for me to determine my opinion if I write it down! Throwing it under a read-more because length; sorry to any mobile users out there…

Re: our new actors –

New Chizuru (Isobe Karin): her voice isn’t quite my cup of tea, but she definitely hits the notes, and it’s ultimately just a stylistic difference so I’m ranking her a tentative tied-for-second with Fujikoso Yumi. She is very Chizuru-esque, after all—and props for drawing her sword once in awhile!!—but there’s simply no beating Tanoue Marina.

New Kodo (Kawamoto Hiroyuki): I really don’t have an opinion, other than Edogawa Manji was better and crazier. Although it’s worth noting that Kawamoto-san’s bald cap is on point, if he’s even wearing one.

New Saito (Naya Takeru): he does an awesome job for a newbie!! (Does anyone know whether he’s actually left-handed?) Honestly, he reads more like Saito than Hashimoto Shohei ever did to me, although of course not as much as Matsuda Ryo since we all know there’s no surpassing him.

New Nagakura (Fukuyama Shoudai): I know he was also in LIVE 2, but I resolved to wait until he played a more central role. I remain unimpressed by his singing, mostly because his voice is so gravelly I can’t really hear the tune. However, acting-wise, he’s spot-on, so I’m extremely happy about that.

New Heisuke (Kizu Tsubasa): likewise, I’ve been waiting for him to shine since LIVE 2. He’s not Ikeda Junya, but he’s cute, and he meshes well with the other two. Also, my big sister senses go off whenever any Heisuke at all drinks the Water of Life or gets emotional, so his non-Junyaness doesn’t stop me from tearing up at crucial moments.

New Sanan (Teruma): I know he was in Reimeiroku, but I only watched it once and had no idea what was going on. I personally think he does an amazing, if more than a little theatrical, job with the fury madness.

New Kazama (Sasaki Yoshihide): I will never not see Suzuki Shogo as canon!Kazama, which doesn’t help my impression of anyone else in the role. Sasaki-san carries the part fine and hits the notes he aims for, but it seems to me like he’s trying a little too hard to imitate Tsuda Kenji in his dialogue.

New Amagiri (Soutaro): …he’s good. I still prefer Gomoto Naoya, but Soutaro-san’s good. Like, he has major resting bitch face, which makes him seem a bit more menacing, but that’s fine considering the character.

Re: the soundtrack –

…I’m a little bit concerned about how quickly Higashi Keisuke seems to run out of breath. Not that it interfered with my enjoyment at all, just something I noticed.

It still kinda hurts in some cases to hear the new cast sing old songs, but they kept that to a merciful minimum (Sasaki Yoshihide singing the last part of “Orokamono Domo Yo” was objectively fine since he hit the notes but PLEASE DO NOT REMIND ME THAT SUZUKI SHOGO IS GONE). I loved the leitmotif-references though…

I really like Saito’s first, teeny-tiny song tbh

The “BEAUTIFUL DRUNKARDS” equivalent doesn’t sound quite upbeat enough to be a real party, but I can forgive it due to the adorable as fuck drunk ninja staggering around in the background, and also because Matsuda Gaku’s hips don’t lie. (Also my literal out-loud reaction to Harada taking off his mini-haori-whatever was “OH JESUS”.)

They brought back “Ano Hi no Chikai” AND ADDED SOME OF THAT SWEET HARMONY HELL YES. They’ve totally upped their harmonizing game since the reboot.

OH MY GOD SHIRANUI GETS A FUCKING SOLO THAT ISN’T A VERSE IN SOMEONE ELSE’S SONG. FINALLY. IT ONLY TOOK LITERALLY 10 MUSICALS JFC. Actually, make that two, counting the one close to the end. Also, is it me, or does he only ever sing about Takasugi? That’s a man in love if ever I’ve seen one (although I’m not sure I’ve seen one). I’m just gonna say Shiranui/Takasugi is motherfucking canon at this point. At the very least, it fits in flawlessly.

NEXT GEN “GIVE ME THE POWER” OH YEAH!!! Different Souji, different Saito, and I actually really like the way these two sound together, although Nayu-san’s voice isn’t as ‘strong’ a foundation for the duet/harmony as Hashimoto-san. Honestly, I was happy because it gave me something I could sing along to.

Sano and Shinpachi’s duet when they were dueling was actually awesome, mostly because of all that amazing harmony~

Re: complaints –

Most of my “but y tho” probably stems from a lack of subtitles and understanding of the Japanese language, so I won’t be mentioning too much of that since they’re minor issues anyway.

It’s usual for them to focus on Chizuru’s interactions with the guy whose route it is, but it still jars me a little that her only interaction after joining the Shinsengumi is with Harada even some time after Ikedaya. In fact, the pacing in general seems a little weird in this one, given that Heisuke and Saito barely even leave before they’re brought back—but of course, that’s certainly not to say this is the only musical with an ‘off’ pace. HakuMyu in general seems to be like that in most cases.

I… don’t understand why they had Yamazaki drink the Water of Life at Toba-Fushimi. Like, Harada’s musical is the definitive feel-good route, so why include something from The Darkest route/musical? You could just as easily have offed Yamazaki offstage, or otherwise had him die in passing, the same way he did in Toudou-hen…

I also don’t know why they decided to transition into the epilogue with Hijikata vs Kazama and a Yaisa! reprise. Like, typically that’s a final-battle interlude, not post-final-battle. Also, it’s completely irrelevant to Harada’s route. Although I’ll own that the Yamazaki-Kondou-Sanan dead-people trio was a nice touch.

Re: highlights –

…Okay, I’m never not gonna think Shiranui figuring out Chizuru is a demon first is the most hilarious thing ever. Like, he never even showed up at Ikedaya in the game, yet here he is going “what’s a demon like you doing in a place like this” in Kazama’s stead. Perfect.

NOT GONNA LIE, LIKE 90% OF WHY I WATCHED THIS MUSICAL IS BECAUSE SHIRANUI IS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE. I WILL NEVER, EVER, GET TIRED OF HIS LAUGHTER AND HIS LITTLE “EH?” AND “HUH?” NOISES AND OH MY GOD. ALSO ONE OF HIS R’S ROLLED AND I THINK I MAY HAVE DIED A LITTLE. I’M MAKING A NOISE LIKE A TRAIN WHISTLE. I JUST. WOW WHAT A CUTIE

It’s kind of a small thing, but I love how subtly Okita’s tuberculosis is introduced. A cough-laugh, then a coughing fit, both quickly cut off by other events, and finally the revelation. Nicely done for a musical that doesn’t focus on him.

I also appreciate how not-prude and curious Chizuru is shown to be from the beginning. Any Chizuru who participates in a drinking song without being coerced, and even carries a sake cup of her own instead of just pouring others’, is 100% fine by me.

I’m in absolute fucking love with how they handle Shiranui’s interactions with Chizuru. Just the right mix of antagonism and playfulness.

OH MY GOD HARADA HAS TO BEND PRACTICALLY FUCKING DOUBLE TO KISS CHIZURU. THIS IS ADORABLE

Speaking of adorable, Nagakura’s confusion during the “we’re leaving the Shinsengumi” scene is priceless. I have no idea what’s happening, but it’s really fucking cute.

It’s kinda nice to see where Kazama’s loyalties really lie on Harada’s route, since we never see that in-game. Like, Shiranui thinks he’s on Kodo’s side, so that colors our perception, but… evidently not. Of course, it could just be that they’re apparently integrating Sanan’s treachery into Harada’s route too, but…

HOLY SHIT THE EMOTION IN OKITA’S VOICE WHEN HE CONFRONTS HIJIKATA AFTER KONDOU’S DEATH. It takes a lot of skill to make me tear up at a scene I’ve seen acted out like 50,000 times before in the previous installments of HakuMyu. You can really see the 8-year-old Souji shining through. AND THEN THAT PUNCH OUT OF NOWHERE!! ON POINT.

Edit: Oh I guess I should spare a mention for the fact that The Scene actually happened, yup. Not that I’m not happy with what foreplay we were given, since I thought for sure they’d just shove it offstage, but it was so… stationary? Although letting Chizuru top before the fadeout was definitely a nice touch.

I am a-ok with Kazama offing Sanan tbfh although it did leave the non-Junya cinnamon roll an orphan of sorts. Also Hijikata as mama bear is the best thing. Honestly, I really like the interpersonal dynamics between members of the Shinsengumi as they’re portrayed here.

GOOD JOB STABBING YOUR EVIL FATHER CHIZURU!!!!!!!! That’s more than any other Chizuru ever did, even Heisuke’s spunky gal~

CURTAIN CALL MOMENTS: Kazama and Hijikata doing the nightclub two-step and staring into one another’s eyes; the extras jumping around and high-fiving one another and one of them spinning Souji around; some confrontation between Harada and an extra over Chizuru; Shiranui getting really emotional about having been around since the beginning (AW POOR BABY WITH THE BROKEN VOICE); Harada having moments with both Shiranui and Chizuru (I’m beginning to form a polyamorous OT3)