#trying to take over the human world
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I never went into what that fin thing on top of Raphs head is but it’s basically just an indicator of sexual maturity 💀 kinda how male lions have manes —It’s kinda hard to break, but it can—if it does, it will just grow back at some point hurts like hell though—
I have this head HC that Draxx went through a rebellious stage, where he dabbled in gene splicing so Donnie and Raph may or may not have some type of dinosaur in them >_>
#pastries babbles💌#it was a weird time for Draxx#trying to take over the human world#kidnapping/having a gay crush#wild times fr#rottmnt#rottmnt raph
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I wonder if Fyodor has kept his distance from Atsushi until now because Byakko's claws can cut through skills. I wonder if this is the moment Atsushi could use his claws. Would they slice right through Fyodor's borrowed body to tear him into the same ribbons as Shibusawa?
Is Fyodor afraid of the absolution Atsushi could give him? Or is he starving for it? Is this what he wanted all along? To find Atsushi at the end, to break him until Byakko tears through Atsushi's flesh and into his?
Nothing is hollow; Fyodor is just so hungry for scraps he can't bear to eat that he calls the viscera contracting around his aching gut nothingness, and garnishes his desires with incorrigible sin because then death might taste like salvation. He craves blood but hates when it touches him, because blood and viscera are too warm, too human; and he isn't that, even though he loves humanity so desperately that he's resolved to leave only when he can take the entire world with him.
#bsd#bungou stray dogs#bsd fyodor#bsd atsushi#everyone's like “what if fyodor wants to die!”#and like no! if he did he could! he doesnt! he doesnt want to die but he cant live with himself either.#and he so desperately wants the world to reflect an inkling of him#having become so isolated and dehumanized in his own mind#ranpo thought people might be monsters but fyodor thinks he's the monster#and it hurts to be rejected by the world and to see it from the underground but never feel worthy of walking underneath its sun#so he's nurtured his hurt into hate and killed himself over and over again trying to know without admitting he wants to be known#briefly glimpses of people like him excite him but he has to believe they arent any different either#because he cant stay. and he cant leave by himself. if the world wouldnt have him alive#then he'll have the world dead#like two skeletons entangled in a lovers embrace he will take the humanity he thinks he was denied and girdle it like wisteria#until they suffocate together#and if he calls that salvation. maybe it will feel that way#even if only for a moment#he will be killed by the gift most embodying life because although he perceives life as an act of violence against him#he wants its embrace so badly#that he'll take the facsimile of it#so long as he and his lover die together before the bitter reality of what he's done can settle on his tongue#fun fact btw. that is suicidality. it's not wanting to die. it's not knowing how to live as you are. and it's impulse.#anyway! life and death and life and death and silly fyodor#jinko is mikan and his hungry hungry boyfriend is coming to bask in the euphoria of being alive
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horror is so BLESSED he's the only one out of the murder time trio that has actual good people trying to influence his story 💔💔 dust and killer were both driven to INSANITY because of the choices of their respective humans but horror??? every time without FAIL the polls for horrortale's plotline have always ended in a good place for aliza (either by bettering her relationships/reputation or for her to just. not DIE)
horrortale's potential alternate timelines my beLOVEd🙏🙏 they're SO lucky that we're being kind and benevolent hehe (≧ω≦) now where are the aus based off the possible different outcomes that could've happened in horrortale HUH???? (like how aliza couldve killed toriel or chosen horror's puzzle or gone with undyne to the core........)
#something something all three of them have their fates determined by an outside force#ermmmm but horror doesn't- yeah he does. what aliza does decides EVERYTHING for horror and horrortale#just because its not direct like dust or killer doesn't mean theyre all subject to the same community x3#PARALLELS MTT PARALLELS FOR THE 500TH TIME THEY HAVE SOOOO MANY PARALLELS OHHH MY GOOOOOODDDDDD#mtt going to visit horrortale would just be dust eying aliza (out of paranoia. he knows shes a good kid)#and then killer knowing in his head that the poor kid aliza that horror weirdly seems to like doesn't have control over her actions#she doesn't know horror doesn't know nobody knows except killer. is that a bit sad?#theyre all living in the dark unaware of the reality of their world. i mean thats how its meant to be after all thats what the players want#but....... it would be tempting to tell horror...... hehehehehe- and then he's interrupted by horror and dust#(theyre trying to get killer to eat papyrus's spaghetti in their place. he's the only one that can stomach it even though there's no human)#mtt i love thee SOOOOO much. theyre back in horrortale for the holidays ✨✨ coming back to visit the family ✨✨ WHAT horror's visiting.......#not dust or killer of course. this isnt their world noooope thats not papyrus. but that doesn't stop dust from having everyone like him#its just like the good old days :333 except now there's three sanses and triple the insanity :333 almost like nothing's changed!!!!!#oh killer??? yeah he's there. probably won't try taking up the sansish type of role horror and dust do but he'll find a way to get used 2 i#after all the point of this is whatever he wants it to be now ;33333 were these tags all just a reference to my mtt fic. yes. yes they were#LMAOOOO i forgot that aliza didn't fall into horrortale yet in my fic. still a fun thing to imagine tho!!!#i think it would be fun having aliza be the first of humans for horrortale to deal with that they won't instantly kill#itll be hard but really rewarding for all of them........ especially horror i believe!!! man he didnt even go through therapy but#just being away from horrortale and out doing new and FUN and NOT MURDEROUS things has done wonders for him :3#i need to get to writing smh..... winter break is the day after tomorrow (TECHNICALLY AT 2:32 PM SINCE THSYS WHEN SCHOOL ENDS SO HAHAHA)#so ill probably work on it more over break since i'll have nothing to do hehe.......#today was an amazing day for me ✨ TWO mtt angst death related hcs..... some work on my latest chapter i've yet to post..... SWAPINVERSE FAN#ARE YOU KIDDING ME MORR SWAPINVERSE ART THIS IS SOOOO AMAZING THABK YOU UNTITLED29876011111 I DONT EVEN KNOW WHY YOU DO THIS!!!!!#tricule rant#killer sans#dust sans#horror sans#murder time trio#utmv#sans au
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so like do you ever think about john doe
#sorry guys hes taking over ny brain again#his situation is so fucked up what the hell 😭😭#like yeah ok objectively arthur kinda has it worse#but imagine#you get torn from your former self and trapped in a book#then after killing multiple people you finally find a suitable host#but then you get attached and now youre no longer your former self#then your new human friend (who is quite literally all you have (and want)) kills himself to save you#even after you betrayed him and lied to him. multiple times#and you get separated and when you come back hes angry at you for having changed#but you had to make a deal with the literal devil to keep him alive and be together again#you work through it but then you have fulfil you end of the deal which indirectly causes him to meet this fucking priest#who is MONOPOLISING on your person’s attention#and since you seem to be suffering some form amnesia you desperately cling to normalcy – to when it was just the two of you#(but you know deep down you’re never going to be enough for him because he deserves more than a fractured monster imitating humanity)#(because he deserves the /world/ and if you could you would give it to him)#so you try to chop that priests arm off (he asked to be fair)#wouldnt that be fucked up#malevolent#unhinged aromantics#malevolent podcast#arthur lester#john doe#john malevolent#arthur malevolent#malevolent john#malevolent arthur
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Re-visiting Antoinette
So, I've been re-watching the show and it has me coming back to Antoinette. Which, I think I always come back to Antoinette because she is important, just not in the way a lot of people think.
The thing is, Louis and Lestat don't communicate properly so you have to look at their actions to figure out where they are at mentally and emotionally at any given time. And painting a more complete picture of Lestat's actions in relation to Antoinette and her purpose according to Lestat does that.
You see, I think by the time Antoinette enters, Lestat feels like he is losing Louis. Their relationship is going down the drain because they're not communicating properly and on top of that Louis isn't feeding well so he doesn't have energy for the parts of their relationship that do work. Louis' lack of proper feeding though is tied to his feelings, his humanity. And his shame of what he is, for which Lestat partly blames himself because of how he handled Louis' turning and their relationship.
And so Lestat starts trying to re-write history to get Louis back. Fix the mistakes he made in the past that Louis holds against him to get Louis back in the present but also as a way to remind Louis of the good times. And he uses Antoinette to do that.
As such Lestat casts Antoinette in the role of Ernesto. Because that's where everything started to go wrong in their relationship. Louis being disgusted with how and why Lestat kills. In Louis' opinion Lestat should never have killed Ernesto. At the very least not in the way he did.
Just like Ernesto Antoinette is a musician. And just like with Ernesto as she leaves Lestat is looking at her like he wants to drain her but he doesn't at that point even though I believe he wants to.
He then also uses Antoinette to remind Louis of his courting period with him. I think Lestat's intention with Antoinette is for Louis to miss him during that two week period as he lavishes all of his attention on someone other than Louis only to then try to seduce him at the end of it, recreating the first time he and Louis slept together after their two week courting period with Antoinette in the role of Lily. Also using the fact that Louis is hungry to try to get him to feed.
I genuinely think Lestat would have killed Antoinette if his plan had worked here. Drained her with Louis most likely. Ernesto's death, but with different circumstances. No humiliation, no torture, just pleasure and lulling her into a false sense of security so Louis can feed. Trying to listen to the objections Louis had to the way Lestat killed. Because the killing itself is non-negotiable, but the circumstances can be negotiated. Lestat is willing to hunt for Louis, and in whatever way that will make it more likely that Louis will feed human.
Lestat's genuinely trying to find viable alternatives for Louis to feed on. Because Louis isn't opposed to feeding on animals. But that isn't a sufficient diet. So what is the human equivalent of an animal to Louis? Louis is opposed to feeding on black people because he considers them his people. Louis is also gay, attracted to his own sex, so all men might be off the table. So I think Lestat goes, would white women suffice? Would that be impersonal enough? Or do you need it to be more personal? Would a white woman that looks like me make you angry enough to feed if you can direct your anger at her? Since male criminals don't do the trick? Or do you need variety of the sexual sort? Do you need to have sex that then devolves into you draining your victim in the heat of the moment?
And I mean, Lestat hit the nail on the head too, you've got to give him that. He knows Louis very well. Because Louis in Paris feeds on humans when he hallucinates his victims as Lestat and directs his anger at them. And in San Francisco Louis sleeps with his victims then drains them. They need so much therapy by the way.
But then here that doesn't work. Louis leaves to feed on animals instead of joining Lestat and Antoinette. So Lestat's like okay, I've got to go back even further. Fix every mistake I've ever made with Louis. Not kill Lily, not turn Louis two weeks into knowing him and use Antoinette to represent that. And so he continues to cast Antoinette in the role of Lily and adds Louis-stand-in and doesn't kill or turn Antoinette. Instead he continues a relationship with her as a human.
But I think Lestat's also realizing it won't make a difference, even if he has learned from his mistakes. I think his relationship with her devolves into a form of self-flagellation through her then. Because he can't turn back time and not turn Louis after only two weeks of knowing him, ease him into things so that Louis doesn't hate Lestat and himself for what they both are. So that he doesn't want to hurt himself and Lestat for what they both are.
I think Antoinette also ended up becoming a way to bridge the gap between Lestat's vampirism and his humanity to save his relationship with Louis when Louis became hard to reach, because Lestat stopped being able to read Louis' mind to understand him and because they didn't communicate well. And because Lestat kept making missteps that created an increasingly larger chasm between them.
Because that's one of the problems, although Lestat understood where Louis thought he went wrong enough to try to fix it I don't think Lestat fully understood why Louis thought certain decisions Lestat made were wrong, why Louis saw things the way he did. Lestat acts on instinct a lot, having been a vampire for as long as he's been by the time he meets Louis and having embraced it as he has. He just doesn't think about things the same way Louis does or at all.
He left Antoinette human as long as he did because it was beneficial to him, because it meant she could help him understand Louis' human side, to be a confidante and a sounding board, but it also genuinely offered a layer of protection to him and Louis for him to be seen with a woman when he and Louis were suspected to be lovers by the town.
Until of course it was more beneficial to have her as a vampire. And of course her love becomes a stand-in for the love he wishes he got from Louis, that he feels he could have gotten from Louis if he'd handled things differently with him.
The thing is, just like everything else in Lestat's mind his involvement with Antoinette is for Louis. It's just that Lestat being Lestat everything he does or thinks he does for Louis alone he's usually also doing for himself.
#iwtv#interview with the vampire#louis#lestat#antoinette#Antoinette is always a risky topic to broach#So here goes nothing#The thing to remember is that Antoinette was never truly a contender for Lestat's heart#But she did serve an important purpose nonetheless#One that had everything to do with Lestat trying to salvage his relationship with Louis as best he could#Of course cheating on someone who will think of it as cheating because they were recently human is never a good solution#Whatever deranged meanings goals and results you had initially attached to it#Lestat's problem solving skills aren't great when he's going crazy over Louis#Neither are Louis' when he's going crazy over Lestat#But together they are magic#When they're together and at their best suddenly they seem to have enough brain cells to take on the world again#I also can't help but think about the fact that Ernesto is an Italian performer#Isn't Lestat half-Italian?#How much of Lestat killing Ernesto had to do with Lestat seeing himself in him and either being envious of him#Or sometimes wishing that Magnus had killed instead of turned him
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"Apologies AU" Summary Part 1
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Long, long ago, Earth experienced a radical climate shift that meant within as little as two generations, the planet would no longer be habitable for humans. A desperate humanity sought a new home for themselves and their progeny, eventually discovering the perfect place to start over, a planet they dubbed "The New World."
The New World was to be more than humanity's second chance at life. It would be an ideal society: all of humankind's greatness and triumph built side by side with nature, so the problems of the old world would not follow. Humanity began migrating in waves, the most privileged and wealthy and their loyalists first, of course.
Eventually, everyone would get a new lease on life.
Yes... surely...
One day, upon this fresh new world an alien life form crashed. Mysterious. Powerful. Dangerous. Also weak. Too weak to evade capture. And soon...life began to change. The people of The New World slowly turned their eyes away from those they'd left behind in their ugly past, their gaze fixed on a dream-like future. Advancement. Progress. Technology akin-to-magic. A galaxy of possibilities.
It could be theirs. It would be theirs. At any cost. Those in power would make sure of it.
Animal experiments... Human experiments...
Among these experiments was a woman with a voice so beautiful hearing her was to feel like your greatest Dream had come true... She would fall in love with a man with a Heart so great he left his home to try and return this troubled species to the right path...
...From their union, two children would be born.
The eldest, a boy, bore great Darkness within him. The abstract nature of his gifts proved of small interest to Lab Discovera at first, and he was tentatively returned to the care of his parents.
The second, a little girl, was a powerful vessel for Soul matter. The ability to create life, not just manipulate it. To bring something into being from nothing.
She, they wanted desperately! For they did not see a child or even a living creature, but a tool from which they could wrest their desired future of absolute control. The wielders of Dream and Heart would not hear of sacrificing their progeny for these twisted goals!
Considered fugitives from The New World for fleeing with precious "experimental equipment" they hid themselves the only place they thought safe: Old Earth, now little more than a dumping ground for exiles and failed or "disappointing" experiments, often sent down as trinkets to pacify the urban warlords who ruled over the depressed, powerless survivors of this slowly collapsing society.
The family of four lived as best as they could in the increasingly cold and harsh modern wasteland, seen as traitors to their neighbors for having worked closely with Old Earth's privileged oppressors. The children were able to avoid capture, at least.
But their parents would not live to see them grow up...
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It is the beginning of summer, the only time of the year on "Shiver Star" where it is warm enough to be outdoors for most of the day. The planet awakens from another three season long hibernation...
Adeleine and Noir Fontaine are orphaned siblings, two young kids in their early and mid-teens just trying to survive amongst a tired and deeply bitter populace who knows that they, for one reason or another, are the ones humanity has chosen to die while the rest migrated to the bounteous and rich future of The New World.
Only Noir is old enough and wise enough to fully grasp that no matter how hard they pretend otherwise, there's no long-term survival for the two of them. And god knows, the day-to-day is hard enough.
Still, the two make it work. They thrive, even, due to Noir's endless tenacity and strong desire to save his little sister from the crushing despair he feels, even if he can save her no other way.
With society opening up again, the two quickly find themselves reunited with their childhood friend of several years. It is a happy reunion for Adeleine and an awkward one for Noir. Though even he can't help but admit, having Raquelle around makes the weight on his shoulders feel a little more bearable. Even if the slightly older girl's good-natured teasing flusters him in a complex way...
Still, they could have gone on like this together for many years, the three of them. Until the snow forgot how to melt and all life fell into a gentle sleep, buried under the white drifts. They could have.
...They could have but...
One fateful day, Adeleine's art supplies, her only personal treasure, are ruined beyond repair by people who did not care for their warm-hearted escapism. Alone, Noir follows a secret hunch and sneaks into the Museum of New World Technology, a wrecked and abandoned building formerly used to host hundreds of the broken and often dangerous tchotchkes left behind by the New World.
He finds just what he was looking for amongst the looted remains of this experimental display of new world glitz – the perfect gift for his sister. A "magical" paintbrush that ensures she will always have the tools to do what she loves. Adeleine now finds herself slowly able to bring her yet unrefined art to a fantastical new level!
While they start out as little more than animated sketches, she will in time learn to tap into powers deep within herself, powers as natural to her as breathing, to bring real items, even food, into being.
Noir finds a gift for himself as well. A sword with a strange dark aura. It speaks to him. To his soul. Anxiety. Dread. Anger. Negative emotions that Noir had been able to push aside for most of his troubled life with seemingly endless patience and resilience.
It tempts him: a weapon that does not require strength nor training to use, and effortlessly concealable as something no more noticeable than a chain necklace he can hide beneath the scarf he always has on him. Before he knows what he is doing, he has donned it.
Their summer takes a dramatic turn for the better. Long days of magic-fueled safety and silliness sponsored by "dream-like" technology. Adeleine continues to hone her skills. Noir trains with his gift as well and the inexplicable powers it grants him. He plays with being a hero, disappearing night after night to hunt "monsters."
...But this isn't a story about a hero...
Noir is disappearing more and more lately. He's tense. Frightened of something lurking just over his shoulder. He never takes his scarf off now, and he's begun to wear gloves over his hands, even inside.
One day, he reports to Adeleine that he and Raquelle had a bad fight; that she said she never wants to see him again. Adeleine, seeing the changes in her brother as a sign Noir's been deeply hurt by this experience, loyally sides with him and gives up her oldest friendship...
And so, things go back to normal for the two Adeleine...
What she cannot see is that Noir's hands and neck have begun to turn dark and withered; it is almost as if something other than blood is starting to run through his veins. Underneath his scarf, the chain necklace that gave him control over the dark sword has transformed into a collar he can neither remove nor destroy. His attempts to do so cause the sword under "his" control to attack him, violently.
Frightened, he manages to contact an exiled New World scientist, a man with a shattered mind who informs Noir of the horrible secret behind The New World's precious "miracle." That their wondrous advancements all stemmed from the extensive torture of an alien life form, a powerful psychic who even now, a planet away, is able to toy with the fates of those who gorged themselves on Forgo's pain.
Worse than the knowledge of what this information might mean for him is the realization that he has cursed his little sister to the same terrible end as he. Noir runs to her, frantic! Perhaps it is not too late! There may still be time to take it back!
Please!! Not Adeleine too...!!
And yet...
...She is fine! To his great relief! Adeleine shows no signs of the frightening, irreversible transformation he is seemingly undergoing!
Indeed, she hasn't changed one bit since her gift...
Time passes for the siblings. Slowly and quickly. Noir becomes desperate to continue to conceal and somehow free himself of his "gift." For if he were to die now, what would happen to his sister? She has no one left. But her joy at her growing abilities only makes his guilt worse. And negativity speeds along the change...
Realizing at long last that the fragile life he wishes he could return to is now forever out of reach, that he was the one who destroyed it, and that the monstrous transformation he is going through can only end in harming Adeleine as well, Noir makes a decision...
There is no escape for him. But Adeleine will be free.
At any cost.
Noir touches his sleeping sister's cheek with a hand she would recoil from if she knew what her "hero" has done and disappears into the night one last time...
Days later, Noir and Adeleine arrive at the spaceport. He has come along to bid her goodbye. He tells her not to worry. That he will follow once his paperwork is all sorted out. Unable to fully disguise his intentions, he smiles with tears in his eyes and begs her to be happy.
Happy enough...for the both of them...
Only he knows this is the last time they will meet in this form.
After she departs, Noir walks out into the snow, alone. The distant eye that had been closely watching the child born to Darkness from afar for years, that had begun to lurk inside him since he took the Dark Matter Blade, that sunk its claws into its prey for good the moment his unstoppable resilience finally slipped and he allowed himself, in his fear, to murder his best friend and consign her soul - along with the others he killed - to be enslaved to the darkness too, bursts forth, consuming his physical body.
His last thoughts are not for his own fate. He knows what he deserves.
No. They are for she whom he always thought of first. To the one he had given up everything for and knew, deep inside, he would give up his life for as well, the moment she gave him that scarf...
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"Was I a good brother... Adeleine...?"
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[Apologies AU Masterpost] [Noir's Field Trip Masterpost]
#Apologies AU#Noir Fontaine#Noir's Field Trip#Don't want to read a comic + dozens of scattered asks...#...but DO want to read a long text summary?!#Then this post is for you!!#Kirby OC Tournament#Adeleine#Raquelle (Dark Rimura)#There’s a bunch of mentions of comics + stories I hadn’t gotten around to drawing/writing here too#FWIW on Noir's 'monster' hunting - he DID fight actual ‘monsters’ (dangerous New World invasive species) at first!#But his backstory (which I'll get to) kinda means he was always going to move to humans…..#Anyway poll is over + Noir Nation fought hard!! I didn’t think he would do as well as he did tbh#I’ve never been prouder of coming in 3rd! (And I mean that genuinely!) That said…rather than focus on the loser’s bracket…#…I’m going to try and power through to the proper end of his story now (give or take some necessary mental breaks)#Though if someone wants to ask him what's the story behind that scarf anyway (wink wink) that would help ^^#I should try to work the DL3 comics in too as they’re somewhat necessary as well (even though they’re tragic af…)
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i can just imagine childe beating the abyss’ will down with a stick whenever it tried to make him take on a new form like it’s a particularly bad dog
genuinely unsure how to answer this ask because on the one hand yes, that's kinda funny and it would indeed be something like that had the abyss essentially come back to him time and time again like 'new form? 😳' and childe would've slapped it away like 'no!!!' like some sort of shitty spam email that lands on your regular inbox without fail, BUT
uh
the abyss only wanted him to take on one form. in cyanide that form was the foul legacy, and to be frank childe did take it. he just refused to remain with that form. and also like- for it to have reached the 'haha the abyss is like an insistent dog' status, it would've had to have been-
not agonizing. like i get the joke but the process of rejecting the abyss' insistence on taking the FL form was not only a one-time process, but also like- nearly cost him his life. so uh.
yeah
#IF the abyss had then returned with a new form for him to take and then proceeded to do that again and again#over the course of a long-ass time#enough time for childe to get powerful enough not to nearly die everytime the abyss insisted he change clothes#then yeah it would've eventually devolved into that dynamic#but i do remember childe menioning how the abyss 'offers' you one (1) form#it's not a thing that's constantly trying to turn you into a different monster#more how durin and the melusines and elynas see the world differently#and so the abyss sees all things differently#and by being within it you sort of subject yourself to its reality. and if its reality has you in a different shape#that's where the problems come#but afaik the 'different' sight the melusines and elynas and durin have isn't one that shifts and changes#i may be wrong on that tho#for the purposes of cyanide it's a set reality#it's just not one that aligns with the normal reality and that's what causes problems#what nearly kills childe is finding a way to remain in the shape he was born in as the abyss is essentially dismembering him#and the FL transformation is him gaining enough power to dismember himself into the form the abyss wants#and then dismember himself again back into his usual human form#so it feels- odd; to think of it like childe beating the abyss with a stick like a bad dog#not that i don't see the humor of course#like i said i don't know how to answer this ask hahah
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always sort of a shock to the system when i remember ppl know sonic 06’s plot more for the fandub than for itself. which is understandable given the og is a mess, but idk its kinda sad bc theres some good stuff there (shadow’s entire story arc)
#dont dislike the dub at all ftr djdjdjdjjf im still very fond of it#but like…. idk i like 06’s story as stupid and messy as it is#i heart convoluted plots that are all over the place. sorry#echoed voice#i think the ‘’if the world chooses to become my enemy’’ trans shadow art shot that storyline up even higher tbh#especially bc elevated by shadows arc. hes literally been demonized and persecuted for what he is since he was born#his title game can be read as his agency being stripped from him from both the narrative AND the player#because black doom wants him to be his punching bag and sonic wants him to be his support#but shadow is in a vulnerable spot bc of his memory loss and lack of agency. some pathways are even abt him thinking hes a clone#with the legacy of a dead man hanging over him#keeping him from ever being his own person#and even tho thats not the case. its still a story about a teenager being emotionally manipulated and abused for who he is#and he finally reclaims that at the end of the game by defying EVERYONE and doing it his own way#even though i hate how hes working with gun in 06 and beyond. other than that 06 follows up on that theme so well#bc mephiles sees shadow as a self assured person and shatters his newfound ego with his demise in the future#where he was scapegoated for the worlds problems and humanity jumped to imprison and/or kill him despite the good hes done#and mephiles’s goal is to break shadow psychologically. to keep him at bay by telling him that no matter what he does#the world will try to kill him anyways and theres no point in fighting for himself. much less the world#and it gets to shadow for a bit but by the end. he realizes that even if what mephiles says is true. he’ll keep going#‘’even if the world chooses to become my enemy. i will fight like i always have.’’ taking off his inhibitor rings to unleash his full power#like….. fuck. thats powerful#iirc it’s ambiguous whether mephiles is lying but tbh. i dont think he is given how shadow was treated after gun raided the ark#like. yeah i do think the military and public would scapegoat shadow. hes ALREADY been scapegoated several times#anyways. all that to say that yes. reading shadow as a trans allegory is extremely powerful to me
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Just got a rude reminder about how great it is to never have children/ be an only child.
There's too much drama involved with dying, apparently.
#when grandaddy died. everyone was arguing over this and that. speaking over his widow and trying to plan his funeral instead of her and his#two daughters. three people who truly knew and listened to him. My mom was almost forced out of the first row at the funeral service by her#step brothers. mom and I got cheated out of things that were bequethed to us. and there was a lot of fighting.#my brother died and his son wanted some ashes. Momma didn't know until it was too late bc my nephews mom and her family wanted to start shit#he was not allowed to come with us to the graveyard. they forced him to leave before he could speak for himself.#some old man just died and my mom's friend (who made herself the center of attention at my brother's funeral) just called bitching and#cussin about some body shooting a dog and starting all kinds of shit over dogs and land and all that jazz like#and watching Dallas... both J.R. Ewings are obsessed with money. land. succession. and inheritance. and they always start trouble over that#Miss Ellie's brother came around bc he was dying and wanted to spend his last days with his sister while Jock and Jr started shit about land#ownership. Garrison didn't want Sourhfork even though HE inherited the ranch like. bro#how am I the only normal person in this shitshow?? I have Bipolar AuDHD!?!?!?! I halluncinate! BRO!!#death#inheritance#succession#family drama#ugh#tbh#even if my brother was alive I feel like there would be less drama between him and I.#I think I'd just take what I wanted and leave the rest with him. Is that what Mama wants? Absolutely not...#but I don't care. We can't take anything with us when we go. It'll all end up in a dump. antique shop. or collector's house anyway#none of it matters#most people never leave a mark on the world and THAT'S OKAY! we don't have to be remarkable to have worth right now#everyone will die when it's time for them to... no need to kick up a fuss.#the land might end up ruined or sold to the government or developed into something amazing. so what?#you're dead! IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU WANT!! that's the beauty of it all!#the shortness. the finality of it all. Life's too short for bullshit. You gotta party like it's your last day. every day.#one of the most rebellious things we can do in the fave of facism is to live true and unbothered (i know it's difficult)#if They want to suffer. They can. Don't submit in advance! I believe in Hope. It's all we have#I'll get my top surgery in time. I'll make my transition! I'll pick a name!! I believe in a future where We can live happier!#because I love humanity! I love the Earth and everything she has to offer. The endless beauty of living in spite of it all
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you make really good points, I think I used the term karmic wrong sorry. I think of it more as not how I personally think he deserved all that happened to him (which thinking back os exactly what karma means, I messed up sorry), but as his fate being directly tied/parallel to anyas. I handnt noticed the toxicity of jimmy and curlys relationship, from the first playthrough I watched and the first interactions I had w fandom I saw so many ppl just. dismiss the terror Anya went through and focus too much on him as the "ultimate victim" and that just didn't sit well w me. I really dislike seeing ppl go "oh well nothing could've been done" I think it's much more complex than that. also I forgot to mention in the last ask that I really appreciate you bringing the point that this game isn't just about the harm of patriarchy but also very very critical to capitalism, I haven't seen too many ppl touch on this. I hadn't thought too deeply about how it makes "he deserved to become disabled as punishment" come up and I agree that's really messed up. I'll try watching a playthrough again with all of this in mind. but either way thanks! I really appreciate your answer 🫶🏼
I guess this is just part of being in a fandom like this. I've noticed a lot of people don't actually see posts outside of their curated view. So some people only get like anya posting or jimmy or curly and it can make it seem like that is what is saturating the conversation.
I mainly just follow the general tags and look for anything new because I'm like obsessed but I know some are only looking for what they want or believe to be the case and can get weird about other ideas.
Sorry if I came off mean its just a last few of the asks have been like circular conversations like this and its not draining per say but seeing all the nuance and details get overlooked to fit a straightforward and basic narrative really sucks cause there's a lot to explore character and theme wise.
#its like idk i feel like im yapping about the same stuff over and over and over again cause people confuse simple on paper with simple in#execution or like without the human factor like idk sometimes to humanzie Anya people dehumanize the other characters to an extent#which is also part of the systemic problem because by dehumanizing people you take away from the awareness like idk the statements#that curly was the captain and just a guy like have to exist together hes like an okay find decent even good captain just not great#hes not exceptional and i think a lot of people are acting like the game said he is when thats just jimmy like Swansea and Anya see that he#just a guy under everything else hence why they dont feed into the vitriol jimmy tries to serve about him crashing the ship and how they#talk to him pre crash even with anya i feel like people are so focused on trying to see what jimmy doesnt that they are adding intention w#where there isnt not even on like she cant be this scale more so you are treating this like everyone in this game is doing some secret gran#gambit when they are just trying to surviv in really back circumstances like having anya respond to jimmys behaviro through the#fawn effect isnt making her a weak depiction its a real response that can coexist with purposeful action because she is clearly scared of#Jimmy even if she hates and thinks he's incompentent like shes not gonna roll over for him but shes gonna be docile in his presence so he#doesnt create a reason in his head to lash out at her like people simply cannot combine concepts to create the complex responses we see in#the game and idkn why its so hard because not every statement contridicts like Jimmy is a monsterous asshole can exist with how#systematic oppression and social enabling create/allow people like him to do their worse cause at the end of the day he chose to do#everything he did despite other options vs the others trying to figure out the best option for all whether that was the best or not like#he dug his own grave vs the others sorta being lined up in front of theirs and shot like this is more interesting to me than him just being#like idk cartoonishly evil and gross and why cant concepts stakes like fitting aspects together is fun its like the worlds shitties puzzle#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#anon#ask#ur fine anon im just insane and get frustrated easily when i think im explaining something bad
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I'm back to say that in my absence I have been deep in steddie brainrot playing a fucking game called palia and considering writing an au because THIS GUY
Is so Eddie to me, please I need to know if I am the only one
#palia#steddie#like i am obsessing over human steve appearing in this new world and trying to figure stuff out while also helping this guy who is in over#his fucking head trying to take care of people while also being hated by the town and being taken in by a single hard working man#reth means the world to me but he is just a fucking copy of eddie#my niche fic that maybe no one will read or care about but I WILL and THAT'S what matters really#cae rants
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Lineup of all of the characters that appear long enough to need a visual representation of them in the game lol
#I added a few people that you can randomly run into around town (like at the inn or in the forest or etc) and have very short conversations#with just to kind of flesh out the world a little more in a more natural-ish seeming way. Like nobody in the main cast would really#have much reason to talk about the actual city you're in or anything. Since most of them havent lived there that long anyway.#But if there's a ''city inspector'' that you can run into whilst he's writing up notes examining the local inn. then maybe there could be a#few dialogue options with him where you can ask about things like that. since he would know more about the area as an offical Government#Worker or etc. Optional of course. since I have to be so wary of my natural inclination to lore dump lol and am trying extra hard to make i#all stuff thats easily avoided/skipped. But for the people like ME who deliberately choose to exhaust every possible optional dialogue#option and explore every single inch of the world and try to collect as much information as possible - then there are a few extra places to#do that. Though obviously not all of them just give exposition for like 15 paragraphs blandly. Some you don't really learn anything from#and it's kind of just.. random flavor to make the non-shop map locations more ''lived in'' feeling. Like the random#little girl you can talk to in the park doesn't bizarrely start reading out the wikipedia description of some War that happened 10 years ag#or whatever. she's just complains about school a little and asks if you've tried the nearby ice cream cart treats and etc lol#ANYWAY..#some of the art is so so evil but I'm not going to spend 800 years trying to clean it up and update it. whatever the hell mess I sketched#out in 2018 or whatever is just what I'm keeping lol... it is what it is#One of the many trials of the whole 'briefly work a few months on something and then abandon it almost entirely only to pick up work#on it literally like 4 - 5 yrs later and now you must contend with trying to decipher whatever weird shit you did years ago' experience lol#Also given the population breakdowns of the world in general I think there's an unrealistic amount of jhevona in this lineup since#they're a much rarer species to just see out and about anywhere but.. it IS a global trading center type area. and the game#takes place in the north (the country of Asen. near the coast. for the maybe 2 or less people who actually keep up with my worldbuilding#enough to know where that is lol (the same continent as Navyete (where the avirre'thel live)) and there's a decent concentration#of nothern jhevona only a short ways away so... tee hee..I shall pretend it makes sense and not merely me just wanting#to represent more of that species because I think their lore is interesting lol#I MEAN also realistically there would NOT be a human here because humans are extremely isolated species that don't even know the rest#of the world exists really and human territories are extremely protected from the outside world but... of course it's like.. well we need#at least One of them to be there for the Optional Lore. Same with the Ythrili. But at least those are like.. PLAUSIBLE.. not nonsensically#outlandish. If I had a Verrucalt or something in there THEN that would be truly lore-breaking almost lol#ANYWAY.. rambling that only means anything to me because nobody else knows what I'm even referencing but hbjh#also I think my character designs are so funny in the sense that I really do just love to do the same thing over and over again ghbjh#wow... random asymmetry and belts and arm straps and high collars where the neck is completely covered?? you dont say..how novel
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Do you have any thoughts on Darkseid for you DC remake? I am curious to see the themes you attach to him
I got to a Darkseid ask before long ago (can't find it lol,,) but the TLDR is that I'm not interested in interpreting him! Something about the bigger, world-ending stakes villains kind of bore me. Completely subjective preference thing! I just prefer the lower stakes rogues as a writer, personally.
#askjesncin#whenever I tackle a rogue I try to find a humanizing core or theme to pull from and I find there's only so many directions you can take-#-a world ending/take over the world character. sure there's themes u can do- I'm just not interested in them#I said before something like “whenever I see darkseid in any media my brain hits the snooze button” my brain doesn't like him
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im so happy for you that fiction doesnt effect your reality. thats not the case for all of us though ✌️
#and intentionally trying to fuck with people or fuck them up bc you know theyre sensitive about what they consume- makes you evil!#sorry! not taking any nuance on that particular thing today <3#no reason to psychologically torment anyone ever especially not a trans guy online you were told to dislike <3 <3 <3#like some of yall only like saying 'fiction doesnt effect reality' SOLELY so you can harass and fuck with people for whomst it DOES effect.#and i think that makes you evil yeah. i feel p confident about that one. get a life seriously and get over your edgy bully teenager persona#genuinely some people are endlessly searching for an excuse to treat other people like shit#if you do this- only say that shit to excuse harassing someone else- you should prolly do the world the favor and off yourself.#or stay as far away from humanity till you can get over your desire to be a smug piece of shit that cant offer ppl basic human respect#we get it you can make up 'logical' sounding reasons for why you get to treat THIS particular person like shit. like i get it i rly do#but you really gotta get over that urge. maybe theres no acceptable target. and maybe thats what scares you most.#bc the only way you know how to express and release your anger rn is by hurting other people...#and if theres no acceptable targets... and you're hurting people.......#you might actually be doing something wrong! that would warrant valid criticism you cant as easily ignore w/o your excuses!#and lord forbid you ever see yourself as being someone who does something wrong *gasp* Blasphemy to even suggest such right?#hey trust me- its not a new thing to vent your anger by hurting people at all. you should know that. thats prolly how your dad treated you.#and thats why you hate the assertion so much- bc you might end up being more like the person who abused you than you thought#but instead of confront that and break it down and work on it- you stubbornly deny it. so then you keep repeating the abuse.#bc your oh so perfect ass could NEVER do wrong surely not. you've built pride on seeing yourself as a better person than your father.#so i get why it might all crumble down and make you pissy if someone asserts that you're not too different........#to be clear bc this post got super hyper specific n even tho i connected everything its still weird how i got from point a to b but-#you're like your father in the sense that you hurt people to relieve your anger. got it? got it. bc i dont think i was clear sdgkjgdshjbk#the conclusion to my thesis wasnt conclusioning yknow
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happy madness day guys, i think theres something wrong with my fight songs vinyl
art commissions
#🚬.dei.art#i have such complex feelings about this series. i hate it it makes me want to throw up and cry everytime i think about its one of my comfor#medias i love these characters i hate these characters i think about the world they're in and it makes me want to sob#destroying themselves . KILLING themselves the people around them their world all of the have the same goal and are doing it wrong all them#are trying to save the world and wishes eachothers downfall so they can take over they keep on thinking they're fixing the cracks but they#keep on making new ones it makes me sick they think they're helping but they're making it worse and are too far up their asses to understan#it its all too human they think they're the saviors but they're destroying the world just like us its too human#madness combat#madcom#madness project nexus#project nexus#< none of the characters but its the music tracks#madness day#madness day 2023#newgrounds#hank j. wimbleton#2bdamned#sanford#madcom sanford#deimos#madcom deimos#sheriff#madcom sheriff#tricky the clown#jebediah christoff#jebus#the auditor#mag agent torture#art#fanart
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Honest to god might go nuclear and just drop out of university.
Like fuck that noise I tried it didn't work out now it's time for plan "I get to live my life."
#but people are always like 'nooooo you can't do thwt you need to grind this you're so promising aha'#like ok well what if I don't want to be a promising young woman. what then.#like what if; and get this; ive always wanted to be unremarkable working an okayish#8 to 4 job that's kinda boring and mediocre and allows me to go home and do my own thing when my shift's over?#what if my ideal life is one where I'm a cashier or an office worker or a graphic designer or whete i work in a smokes shop#and i work with a few people and it's kinda boring but kinda fun and the pay isn't good but it's enough to live#and i don't have to take my work home and I don't have to worry about the safety or health of others#what if i said that every time I expressed this people just laughed at me and said that that isn't true#as far as the world is concerned my desires are simply not real. not allowed to be real.#I'm a 'promising young woman' and as such i have to perform to others' satisfaction and do what they think i have to do#get that degree and get it on time. get a move on you should have been married by now. try harder you should have had a good#job in your field by now#it's always have to have to have to. supposed to supposed to supposed to. and i keep doing that and i keep bending my back#but what is left of me? my ex once told me that if i keep going on and on about what i have to do then i actually want to do it#i don't think i do but it left a worm in my head. now i keep wondering if i do want this life.#I'm sick and tired of it all and I've always been and it's like a pressure on my shoulders that says 'this is how you earn your life'#'want' is a dirty word. a sinful word. so i just keep going. 'want' is something my mother spits out mockingly#'Wanting isn't a valid reason' she always says.#'I want a lot of things and i never do them and i never have done them. I do what I have to do; even if i hate it. That's life. That's#responsibility;' she says whenever she's in a bad mood (always)#i hate that I'm the failure of the family and yet I'm expected to try harder. i hate that I'm not allowed to fail.#what if i want to?#why is my mother allowed to have a high school diploma and nothing else and I'm not? why is she allowed to be a graphic designer;#why is she allowed to be a receptionist; to own a small business; and I'm not?#why can my aunt be a cashier? why was my grandma allowed to be a factory worker?#why is it always 'you have to take care of other people' 'you have to bear the suffering of others'#'you are not a human being' 'you have to'? what have i done to deserve that?#what if i want to be a person? what if i want to have the right to live? what if i want a life? what if i want to be#an unremarkable unimportant useless nonessential member of society?
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