#trying to stop myself from screaming crying out for attention rn is so fucking hard

[dykemonstera]

.

[r0ttingsystem]

Felt cute, might delete later :3 -G

a little (very long) vent from grian (co written by Lio because grian is dumb)

Technically collective vent too? Idk

Tw description of abuse (emotional, sexual), grooming?

I don't understand what's wrong with my brain

I miss her

And I miss how she made me feel

She made me feel so special

Which yea makes sense I guess because she borderline groomed me

But like

I miss the bad shit

I miss when she would make me go into crisis almost daily because she just felt like it (I'm being so fr rn, she would laugh afterwards) because when she did that it would 1) mean that we would be talking in call and 2) she would baby me and coddle me afterwards

I miss when I would have to beg and cry for her to not make me do sexual shit (which rarely worked btw) and I miss when I would cry and scream and fake orgasms so she would let me stop because I would have her full attention and she would care for me after

I miss her stressing me out so much that I would regress constantly (this was before I became permanently a little due to her, fun fact but I'm normally meant to be 14/15 and not 4)

I miss being put to bed

I miss being on call 24/7

I miss being cared for

I was happy, I would be constantly in fight or flight mode because she would get cold and sometimes threaten to harm herself if I didn't do what she wanted, but I was happy

I was cared for, only if I did what she said and didn't talk to anyone else, but I was cared for

She calmed me down after panic attacks, she would stay on call at all times and would do stuff with me, she would be there

Then she got cold

And left

I remember that night

I remember waiting her for to reply, looking at the chat like a dog waiting for its owner for literal hours

I remember my heart dropping when I realized she wasn't going to reply

I keep looking for her in all the people we talk to

I keep looking for someone who'll show the same amount of care she did

Even if they hurt me, they'll at least make me feel special

Nobody is like her, which is guess is good? I don't know

But that means that everyone is "cold"

And I keep feeling like they're about to leave

If they don't talk to me 24/7 they might as well leave right?

I know that's not the case but It feels like it

And it hurts so bad

So. Fucking. Bad.

I can feel my heart being ripped out of my chest every time I catch myself blankly looking at our chats, waiting for them to reply

It feels like that whole year is replaying in my head in one second

That that happens every day, multiple times

It hurts

And it's so hard to come to terms that nobody is going to love me

And I understand, I'm too much work, genuinely too much work

I'm too much

But I'm looking for love everywhere I can, but I won't find it

I know I won't find it

Nobody deserves to have to deal with the mess that is me

I'm GLAD nobody has to deal with me, but it hurts

I just want love

I just want to be cared for

But that's too much to ask for

I believe in soulmates, but I don't think mine exists

I'm beginning to understand that other people aren't "right person wrong time" or "wrong person right time" for me, I'm the wrong person, and it'll always be the wrong time

I wish I wasn't like this

I wish I didn't make all of us like this, so difficult, so complicated

I'm so sorry, to everyone

I'm sorry to my headmates

I'm sorry to my family

I'm sorry to my mom

I'm sorry to my brothers

I'm sorry to everyone

I'm sorry to our friends

I'm sorry to lilly

I'm sorry to eirhnh

I'm sorry to Connor

I'm sorry to jack

I'm sorry to angelos

I'm sorry to basilis

I'm sorry to valentina

I'm sorry to eudokia and despina and everyone else

I'm more then sorry to Comet-Collective, who's seen a lot of the uglier sides of me

I'm sorry

I'm sorry to everyone who's had the displeasure of talking to me

I'm sorry, I'm so sorry

I wish I wasn't like this too

I wish I didn't exist too

I try to numb myself into not existing but it never works

I promise I'll find a way to make it up to all of you

I'll find a way to make knowing me worth it

Until then, I'm sorry

[glowstick-cafe]

Abandoned||SBI x hybrid!reader

SBIx hybrid!reader

Genre: Angst

Warning: Violence, Swearing, implied injury??

I use the Doomsday war to my advantage, that just feels right.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dark

Why is everything dark?

I-Why can't I see?!

Why can't I move my wings?!

Dad! Help me, I'm scared!

-

6

"Dad! Help me, I'm scared!" Tears rolled down my face as I clung to the tree branch, "Y/n, it's ok! Keep your eyes on me and jump." Philza yelled. You were playing hide and seek with your brothers and managed to get stuck in a tree, which is why you're in this situation. "W-What if I fall?!" I yelled back, my tears blurred my vision, the only thing recognizable to me was Phil's white and green bucket hat. "I'll catch catch you. I promise." He said, his calming voice relaxing me. You took his word of it and jumped from the branch, you expecting to hit the ground or Phil's arm at least but with a small peak you saw that you were flying. "D-Dad....I'm flying!" You yelled excitedly while Philza was clutching his chest as if his heart was about to collapse on itself. If you were to ask him about it today, he would say that it was the most stressful day of his life.

-

14

"Tech, c'mon!" You whined, as your brother payed not mind to the fact that you were bothering or well at least trying to bother him. "Y/n, for chirst sake stop annoying your brother." Philza said, he just wanted some peace and quiet in the house for once and you were the only thing keeping it from that. "Y/n, I've already told you that you can't go outside with me a night, you're going to get hurt." The pink haired piglin murmured, "I can protect myself, you know this." "No, is no." He said in a stern tone making you huff in annoyance.

"Go with him, I won't tell a soul." Wilbur's voice cheered, his red beanie rested lazily on his head as he leaned on the couch. "Thank you, I'll do your chores for 3 days." "Make it a week." "Fine." After that little exchange you ran out the door to find Techno.

Deep into the forest you silently trail behind your brother while hiding behind trees and bushes, upon hearing a sudden noise that surprised you, you turned around to see your brother nowhere in sight. Your breath quicken as you looked around the forest in panick, where the hell is he?, while walking through the forest you bumped into someone, "Techno! I'm so glad to see yo-AAAA!" You cut yourself off to find out that instead stood a zombie, you backed yourself into a tree which left you nowhere to go, as much as you wanted to use your wings it was useless since the zombie could just grab you. "I can't believe I'm going to die to a zombie-" You managed to say, your terror was short lived because Techno stabbed the zombie through the heart. "Techno, I'm so sorry for following you. I almost got killed and-" Your rambling was cut short due to the sudden hug from the piglin, "I'm just glad your ok, I don't know what I'd do with myself if you got hurt." He whispered, all you could do was cry into his never as he carried you home.

-

17

"Dad, I'm not six anymore, I take care of myself. Techno gets to move out, what about me?!" You yelled, it was anthor fight between you and Phil, it's been getting more worse everytime. "The difference between you and Techno is that he proved that he can take care of himself." Phil argued back making you more annoyed. "When did it become about proving something? All I'm asking you to do is trust me, when did the become so hard to do?!" You screamed, you were at your limit, you ran out of the house and flew up to sit on the roof.

You were left to your thought until you heard a familiar voice, "It's rough in there haha..." Wilbur said, he was trying to make you feel better but he mentally cursed himself for even saying that. "You know he's trying his best right?" He sighed, Wilbur took a seat next to you and stared at the sky. Phil, Tommy, Wilbur, Techno and you used to sit on the roof and talk about the weirdest of things while watching the sunset, but not that Techno left to love on his on it doesn't feel the same. "Yeah, but I wish he'd do the bare minimum and treat me like I'm seventeen." I mumbled letting out a deep sigh, "Well, just know that I have your back no matter what, ok?" Wilbur reassured, he put out his pinky finger and you did the same, "Ok..." You gave the brunette a small smile then turning your attention back to the sunset.

-

19

"Now you've done it ya lil shit!" You jokingly yelled, you chase Tommy around the living room while Phil was making dinner and Wilbur was writing a song in his book. "Dad help! Y/n is brutally murdering me!" Tommy yelled while Phil hummed, not paying any attention to the blonde. "Imbeciles! Everyone of you in this house, imbeciles!" The blonde chanted while everyone laughed at you piled your entire weight on the boy.

Later in the night you heard a knock on your door, you utter a gentle come in to see Tommy. "What's up bud?" You ask, you sat up to look at him, "You know how Phil is finally letting you go live on your own?" You hummed and watced the boy try to find his word. "I...I don't want you to go-" He said, his voice sounding shakes which alarmed you.

"Is that was this is about? C'mon, sit." You sighed and patted a spot on you bed signaling for him to sit. "I know that you're going to miss me but just know that you'll have to get used to not having me around, I'm sure Wilbur feels the same. I believe in you, big man." I said while ruffling his hair, his expression seemed like he still wasn't read to let go. "But what about when you wake me up when I don't want to get up? What about you kicking me under the table during dinner, what about when I need you to tell me that everything is find? What about-" He paused to collect his thoughts. "Y/n, what am I without you?" His words made me halt, "Yourself..."

-

Doomsday

"You chose your side Y/n, Techno and I chose ours." Phil spoke, his tone cold and devoid of care."But, I thought- I thought we were a family." I say, Philza only wince at my words. I look up at him, Techno, and Dream as they set off the TNT dropper, with little time I tried to fly away I kept missing the TNT only by a kiss and a prayer until, "Y/n look out!" Tommy yelled, I quickly look behind me see TNT about to explode, out of instinct I use my wing to shield me.

Dark

Why is everything dark?

I-Why can't I see?!

Why can't I move my wings?!

Dad! Help me, I'm scared!

Why is no one there?

Dad-No, Phil, Techno, Wilbur, Tommy.....where are you?

My body felt like it was about the give out, I was losing a lot of blood. "I guess this is how I die...Techno can't save me this time." I chuckled to myself, "I wonder how one of Wilbur's songs go... Jubilee Line, was it?" I paused.

"Wasting your time

You're wasting mine

I hate to see you leaving

A fate worse than dying

Your city gave me asthma

So that's why I'm fucking leaving."

While I was singing a voice called out to me, it seems like I was buried under a pile of rocks...cool I guess. A hand reached and pulled me out of the dark creavis, surprising me completely.

I didn't realize how relieved I was to not die until I stole a hug from the person that saved me, he smelled of blueberries and heaven he was wear a colorful hoodie and a sea foam green swirl on the front. "It's ok, everything will be ok." Even his soft voice resembled an angel, I cried into his hoodie an. The man hugging me whispered small reassurances as my tears stain his hoodie, in that moment I've never been this scared to let someone go.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I hoped you liked this because I sure did, I shall go pass out now. It's 3:06am rn.

[athenamikaelson]

I'm wildin with this one rn. It's okay if you don't want to write it! Klaus Mikaelson x reader who can't get hurt (if that makes sense??) The Mikaelsons get kidnapped, reader comes for them and gets stabbed pretty badly but they just go "I mean that's fair." and keep going and later at night they're all just trying to process and Klaus spends the night with them asking a million questions?

Klaus Mikaelson x Reader

Request- I'm wildin with this one rn. It's okay if you don't want to write it! Klaus Mikaelson x reader who can't get hurt (if that makes sense??) The Mikaelsons get kidnapped, reader comes for them and gets stabbed pretty badly but they just go "I mean that's fair." and keep going and later at night they're all just trying to process and Klaus spends the night with them asking a million questions?

 Warnings- Kol being a dumbass, swearing, blood.

Word Count- 1,342

Walking into the witch’s quarter I’m surrounded by tombstones and mausoleums. Looking at my phone again to see if Nik had responded to any of my texts or call. Nothing. Great.

Not that Nik, or any of the other Mikaleon’s would answer giving the fact that the witches had something to do with their disappearance. 

When I had first realized they were all missing I had tried calling all of them, even Kol who doesn’t even know how to use his phone. That’s how desperate I was. When I couldn’t find where they went I did a location spell that led me here. As Nik says, “Dead or alive witches are a pain in my ass.” He would always look at me after he said it though and tell me I was an exception. Not that I always believed him though. I know I’m a pain in his ass. But for some reason he still loves me. That really doesn’t help my god complex.

Walking through the rows of graves I try to close in my hearing to notice anything out of the ordinary. I am in a graveyard so that doesn’t really help. I continue walking for what feels like hours, when in reality it’s probably been like 5 minutes. Goddamn I hate exercise, Nik is lucky I like him. 

“To our ancestors we pray, please take this sacrifice and give us the strength to defeat our enemies!” I hear coming around the corner of an old grave which must’ve been over 100 years old. I peak around the grave, which just touching it gives me the creeps. Not to my surprise I see a group of maybe 7 witches surrounding an altar. Fucking extremists. Why can’t they find a different hobby other than sacrificial murders? What did catch me by surprise though was the whole of the Mikaelson gang chained up against the walls. Jesus Christ that’s impressive. I mean chaining up ALL of the Mikealson clan. That takes some balls. 

“You know darling, if you’d just unchain me now I’ll consider not ripping your spine out and strangling you.” Kol’s voice broke the silence. I visually roll my eyes. Classic Kol.

The witch who seems to be around mid 50’s, the eldest of the group I presume, walks up to Kol and puts what appears to be a necklace with a ruby like gem on the end, in Kol’s face. 

“As long as I have this gem darling, you and your bastard family aren’t going anywhere.” The witch mockingly says. Which earns a growl and pulling his chains from Kol. 

“This is ridiculous, you psychotic witches. Unchain us now or I swear to-” Nik yells at the witch. 

“You’ll what? What will you do Niklaus. You’ll yell? Pull on those chains? Tell me, what will the bastard child do?” That bitch snarckingly says. Oh I know that bitch didn’t just say what I thought she said. Ok I’m killing this bitch. I can’t take on 7 witches by myself though. I need my man. I just need to get that damn necklace from that old bag. Shouldn’t be hard enough. 

I walk behind the columns to the other side where Nik and his family are chained up. 

“Hey babe.” I whisper to Nik. Nik whips his head around and his eyes visibly widen when he notices me so I just send him a big smile. 

“Y/N? What the bloody hell-” Nik is about to question me before I press my finger to stop him from talking and press my other finger to my lips to signal to him to shut up. 

“I’m saving the day.” I smile as I walk out of the shadows to the old witch. Múltiple, “Y/N?”’s come from the Mikaelsons while just a laugh comes from Kol.

Oh shit I didn’t bring a weapon. I look around quickly before I see Bekah kick a large metal poker at me. Picking it up and sending her a smile I walk up behind the bitchy witch. 

“I know you didn’t call my boyfriend a bastard, you whore.” Before she can fully turn around I whip the poker at her and hit her in the face, knocking her down. Which unfortunately gets the attention of the other witches. I quickly rip the necklace of her neck and freeze. 

“Fuck. What do I do with this?” 

“Break it love. Bloody hell do I have to do everything?” 

“Shut it Kol, also.. thanks.” I throw the necklace on the ground and stomp my foot on it, breaking it into pieces. 

In a second all the Mikaelsons rip off their chains. The younger witches all freeze, scared expressions on their faces. Ha. I’m about to turn and hug Nik who starts to walk my way before I feel something hit my stomach. I feel a sudden pain and my shirt starts to dampen. I reach my hand down and pull it back to see it covered in blood. I look up to see Nik looking at my stomach before he looks at me, frozen. 

“Well I guess that’s fair.” Everything goes black.

I woke up surrounded by darkness. I try to get my eyes to relax to my surroundings but nothing happens. My mind is foggy until I remember the blood. I reach down to see that I’m in one of Nik’s shirts. I pull it up to look at my stomach, which is covered in dried blood. But no wounds. I throw my legs over the bed and walk towards the door. Light bombards my eyes as I peer down the hallway. I can hear voices coming from the dining hall as I make my way down there.

Nik and his family are all sitting in different areas drinking red liquids. Which doesn’t take a genius to figure out what that was.

“Hello Mikaelsons, I LIVED!” I make myself present to the vamps. Elijah and Nik both stand up and look at me worriedly, while Rebekah sat there with a questionable look and Kol was sitting smirking in the corner. 

“Y/n, you must still be tired and sore. I believe it would be best if you went back to sleep.” Elijah tried to reason with me as he started to walk towards me. I quickly stopped him with a raise of my hand. 

“Eli I’m fine. I am doing good. Walking and shit, you know. I’m feeling fire.” I walk past Eli and sit down next to Bekah which gets me a smile thrown at me and a disapproving look from Elijah as he comes to sit down back in his seat. Nik just stands in the same spot looking me over. His eyes held longer on my stomach where my wound was. 

“Y/n, come with me please.” Nik starts to walk upstairs before I can object.

When I make it up to our shared bedroom I barely have a second before Nik’s arms wrap around me surrounding me in a hug. 

“You scared me.” His eyes come to meet mine, I nearly break down when I see tears breaching the edges of his eyes.

“Hey, I’m fine now baby. I’m ok.” I reach up to brush away the tears threatening to fall onto his cheeks. 

“When I saw you fall to the floor I thought my world would end right there.” I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss his nose.

“You really think you can get rid of me that quickly?” A hurt look crosses NIk’s face after I say that. 

“How could you even joke like that? I mean you alway make these jokes after bad things happen? God you’re so much like Kol. And the thing you said when you got stabbed! Most people would scream or cry. You just made a sarcastic comment.”

“I don’t know man. I’m built differently I guess.” I quickly press a kiss to his lips which he quickly returns before I pull away. Confusion crosses his face. 

‘Don’t. Ever. Tell. Me. I’m like Kol.”

[mimibtsghost7]

Fuck you and all your little brain washed rats sending people hate because you cant take responsibility for your actions!! But go on stay silent like you always do, pretend its nothing of your business, keep being a fetishizing racist delulu like you love to be while pretending to be the best blog on tumblr!!!

NOT like anyone will see this but YOU will so LET’S GOOO!!!~~

TW: mental health and more (if you feel like this can trigger you, pls don’t read this, breathe in and out and listen to this HERE and remember I love you), loads of tea and Mimi NOT being a friendly and kind ghost. 

funny enough: 

I never pretended of said I was the best blog. But I guess the fact that you say it might be because you heard it frequently? Thanks for thinking so^^

I sent hate to no one and u r the one sending it to me rn ^^ In my whole 4 year journey on Tumblr I received a lot of love but also worse hate that you can imagine. Yes you are saying now you are receiving hate ... funny how it’s bad when It’s addressed to you but when it’s at me and my dear followers it is not. Still, I never told anyone to go hate on you. You were the idiot that tagged my old blog and as soon as my blog was gone pple searched me and found out you were the reason behind this. But as you keep hating on me. Let me tell you I am kind but don’t mistake that for me being a coward.

I am not into insulting others and I don’t care much if you insult me. BUT don’t YOU DARE touch my dear followers. Insulting ain’t hard. Let me try: The only rat here is you hiding in your hole as an anon. I went and compared your writing with this ask and previous hate asks. And it was you~ Good for you~ the sewers smell just like your filthy mouth spilling sh*t left and right. So on brand. However, I know who you are @hobisbeautifulass Hi ^^

Me racist? HAHAHAHAH you truly know NOTHING about me nor my ex-blog’s message. It was a place when you were welcomed no matter your skin color, religion, gender ... proof? well it got deleted thanks to you. but ask around this time and search for who reblogged my posts as they were always the top of the tags (even if I don’t trust how bad you are at research). I supported the BLM movement and still do and will always do but I did so veeery early without anyone telling me. Not for the notes but because of my humanity. I wished my dear followers’ happy holidays no matter their religions. And never cared about those things. Why judge someone on something based on religion or how they were born. As for the LGBTQ+ community, I was always and will always be there for love being love. I talked about mental health and opened venting nights. I helped left and right and when I was receiving hate because of people like you spitting lies about me. What did I do? Did I go online and called people bad? No. I looked back at myself and asked myself if I did anything wrong. I tried to educate myself and apologized sincerely when I had to. I read books and watched documentaries to learn how to become a better human. AND never repeated a mistake twice. You tend to forget that our cultures are different and sometimes you grow up to see some things as normal when they are not. This is not an excuse tho, so I always believed that I was lacking and if someone had something to say against me, there is a chance they are right and just in case I should reflect on myself. But for your case it was pure nonsense. ME? a stalker? how can I stalk when I have social anxiety and at that time couldn’t even leave my room? I am even afraid of taking public transportations and just the other days I was crying from joy when I took a taxi alone. they said I was in Japan stalking Jimin and Jungkook and took a pic when I was NEVER EVER was on that land. You put me on the same list as people who bought info about BTS’ flights to be on the same plane as them? I was stalked before and let me tell you it ain’t cute and fun. I am even scared of the idea of being followed. that’s why I never shared openly my age, country, or anything about me on my blog. that’s why I have no personal social media to this day and that’s why making my ex-blog was some sort of miracle in my life. 

Silent? yes I was silent when I received hate and didn’t even vent to my dear followers or pointed fingers. Why? because I thought as my day was hell I shouldn’t make anyone’s day worse. I was worried about my dear followers with mental illnesses being triggered. I tried to take my life so many times I lost count but I still came here and smiled. It was my safe place and you took it away. Yet, I should pity you? You hated on me first for no reason and you know it deep inside but right now you are trying to convince yourself that you are the angel and feel no guilt. Compared to you. I pointed fingers at no one and didn’t name you when my blog was gone. Why? because compared to you, I thought you will not be able to manage the hate and what was done .. I didn’t want you to suffer the same way I did when you are the one who made me suffer the most the past couple of days. But the kind Mimi is someone you will never remember because you dared touch the friends I love and calling them names. I don’t mind people insulting me but don’t you dare touch my people. I know myself best. My dear friends/followers know me best. I thought ... I could leave without this mess but you keep barking in my ask box and it’s annoying. I left this backup account just to talk to my friends and yet you are here to ruin things again? I should stop being kind to the ones who deserve non of it. I ignored you when I had so many followers and you went silent too because you were scared of me. But as soon as I lost my blog because of you, you went, edited and then reblogged that stalker post. How can I be a stalker? do you even know the definition of a stalker? do you even know shame? well .. I don’t think so.. you said it yourself. You are NOT ashamed (and you reblogged that so many time lol). 

Death threats? this is no competition but thanks to people like you I have been there and wish no one to be there not even you. The only difference is that you almost killed me for real. You were not the sole reason? Great job walking away from you beloved word: RESPONSIBILITY. And I didn’t get just anon hate, I got literal tagging by people like you, DMs, and people pointing guns at me. That’s why I didn’t mention you. I was worried about the one who took away what I worked for for 4 YEARS. I was more sad and concerned about the ARMY fandom here. Do you know how many rely on my updates? do you know how many people said I helped them? do you know any of that? do you think 200k people were “rats”? Do you think if I did and say wrong thing I will not be questioned by those people. I always told my dear followers: “friends, if I do or say anything wrong or share anything that hurts anyone please tell me. I am willing to learn from everyone.” But what did you know? what did you do? Well ..  guess you love notes? As the most notes you ever got and the most attention was when talking about me? 

Love how you talk about fetishing when my blog was what people call “family friendly”. I also like BTS. I love them for their music, talent, personalities and the happiness they give me. I also enjoy BTS’ bond and love their interactions. I posted content of all kinds of interactions JM X JK, JK X V, V X JIN, JIN X SG, SG X JH, JH X RM, RM X JM ... If you are calling this fetishing asian men just because I scream over BTS as a fan and love their bonb. Then aren’t you against the idea of being an ARMY? I was a clear OT7 and you were told that you weren’t right: 

 Then you answered this without even explaining the nonsense about me: 

idk .. I am trying to find sense in your nonsense so .. wait wait let me look at the definition of fetishism first. 

Fetishism /ˈfɛtɪʃɪz(ə)m/ noun: a form of sexual behavior in which gratification is linked to an abnormal degree to a particular object, activity, part of the body, etc.

Then .. judging from your URL alone hmmm ... cute. I won’t even talk about the SMUT you write that is full of kinks and fetishism. Well I have no problem with fan fiction but the irony you spit is out of this world.

Also, I made money out of mimibtsghost? HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH no lil one. I worked day and night for FREE. At some point when BT21 just came out and there were no products on AMAZON or anywhere but S.Korea, someone reached out to me to offer 20% off or something for my dear followers. When they asked what I wanted I said what about international giveaways for my dear followers. Basically, made gifs, found content, updates, analysis, edits, and so on for free. Again, w-wait .. Aren’t you the one asking for commissions? Well .. It’s not wrong. But again THE irony. 

So, I went to see that post you made about me with “PROOF” and it was just another person who was salty as I got them blocked I can’t even recall who they were but oh well. Their arguments according to YOU and many should be taken as FACTS just because they said them?  You said HERE that your first comeback was MOST:7 that came in just last year (2020) SO what the hell do YOU know about what happened years before you came when all the proof you pointed at where baseless without any backing?

Let’s see this so wise person you used to delete my blog and what I have done ^^

The gifs: There is a story to this. The first week I came to Tumblr, It was my first time on this site and the first time I share anything. I shared some content and my analysis had a lot of notes for a small creator that started just a week ago. But I made a mistake, I found a gif and posted it while crediting the gif maker. At the time I had NO idea it was wrong. I logged off and after 5 hours I log in and there was a WAR for that ONE gif. The big blog had me blocked and her friend was telling me to take it off. As soon as the person told me I did IMMEDIATELY and apologized againa and again and told them to tell the original gif maker to deblock me as I want to apologize directly and that they can block me after that. They did and I apologized but they just kept insulting me. Of course it was MY mistake and that’s why I apologized. But for them. for a mere gif (yes I say a mere gif because I made so many gifs and they were used on all platforms but I never thought it was necessary to hate that much on someone like they did to me). That blog was big and had big blog mutuals. Thanks to that, I became someone you do NOT become mutuals with but block and never reblog content from. Without any big mutuals. Without any shoutouts. Only my love for BTS, my dear followers’ support and my hard work.. My blog, became bigger and FAST (I got 10k in less than 6 months after I started) and that brought loads of jealousy and thus more rumors. Even if, I apologized and since then made my own gifs. And I made SO many gifsets that I can’t remember how many there were. What I can recall is at some point I made them daily and many times a day.

Ships Jikook? I posted content of ALL the members interactions. I was here at a time where Jikook stans and Taekook stans where always fighting. BUT I posted about both and even made so many posts to encourage loving all the members and all the interactions. I also used the tags solely used for shipping with other big tags to show that BTS’ interactions are all important and their bond is beutiful. That our fandom shouldn’t hate on a member just because they are not part of a ship we like. And wait .. even if I shipped Jikook? I got called ALL those names by someone who ship the members with readers and write sexual scenes? Like, wait ... I am truly confused. Like, write fanfic and do all you want as long as you hurt no one I guess but why am I getting hurt for doing non of it? Like according to you, the person you should be cancelling is yourself?! I am also not into cancel culture like you so hahah whatever.

Posted stalker pics: well wow the story changes each time. Next thing you will hear that I was the one holding a camera for a member in a Vlive lol. Let me teach you about this update thing I was doing. I follow accounts I trust and that’s how we get info circulating fast. I always do reasearch but sometimes mistakes are made. For example when lately people shared pictures of BTS leaving their virtual concerts and schedules. There was a watermark of a news outlet. Normally we trust those but only later we realized that those people stalked BTS. You clearly can’t know it all. But I still didn’t share many pics related to many events (I will not name those as pple can search them even now because some pple never deleted those). And all big accounts shared many pics then deleted later. This happens all the time but it happened like ONCE for me. However, I am called a stalker for that? 

When Jonghyun passed away ... I don’t even wanna recall that night as the memories just ... when that happened I posted about it and send my condolescences. that post had over 10k notes and was at the top the tag. Why did I do that? I was devastated. Yes, many were but I will talk about me rn: I was suicidal the days before that and one of the songs that I listened to when I was broken where by him. I has been in the kpop world since 2006. And learned about his group since their debut with ‘Replay’. I was never a stan but I still knew of many groups and listened to all the songs I liked. I was very sad when he was gone and ANGRY mostly. Why is this angel leaving? Why is someone like me still here? Why did I not leave instead of him? How much did he suffer? And in the midst I posted a post from twitter that stated how agencies usually put down pple with mental illiness and hide it in the industry. Yes, that was important but NOT at that time. I shouldn’t have posted that and I realized after 5 min of doing so that it was WRONG. So I deleted it FAST but it kept being reblogged and I kept getting hate and people telling me: “Go kill yourself”... the sad part is that I almost did as my answer was “true ... why am I still here?” I apologized and logged off then to this day won’t forget crying at 3 AM while walking outside next to my dad. I was outside as I couldn’t breathe anymore and the idea of seeing the walls of my room was hell. I cried and cried and the teary eyes that my father looked at me with are something I am ashamed of to this day. To add one more thing while I am spilling the beans. I hate learning about someone dying. My grandma passed away sometime before that and it was so shocking to me. and some people came and told me when I was mourning her: Go follow that bitch of grandmother of yours. And for what? At that moment I didn’t think I would live to see the next year but I went to therapy and took medecine that was hurting and made me shake all day just to turn somewhat sane. No one knew tho ... I smiled all day and cried all night.. Even on the blog I fought no one of the ones who hated me. I just blocked them but even that was an insult to them?

Again, you said no one should defend me. Yet, you were ready to fight whoever touched anyone around you. What about changing your URL to beautifulassirony

Also THE hypocrisy. If you are sorry then why are you answering an ask of someone isulting someone you want to apologize to? Just make a post wher you apologize or ignore it from the start?

One more thing but surely not the last. You said you were good with research which you are NOT. So, let me show you what an OG detective ARMY can do. But first, as I was scrolling I saw some of your “work” (let’s not even talk about those gifs) and I am just giving my point of view here: I hate how you painted Namjoon as this horny-idiotic-make-dog. Like I get it it’s a fanfic or Namjoon as a dad but ... Namjoon is such a smart man who is very respectful and ofc he is a human with needs like many but what the hell is this way of portraying a character? Also a character is not cool, amazing, and a strong woman just because they curse and belittle their partner. 

Oh well, only you kept reblogging that as it show 36 reblogs when only 33 as still there when I looked and out of those 13 reblogs are yours? (you might have reblogged it more) but again some people might have liked ... people have different taste ... so ... whatever. 

Let’s continue, shall we ^^. You said you were the victim here when I was the one getting robbed right? How can I believe someone who reblogged the post below and was proud calling themselves an abomination or how the Oxford dictionary defines it:  a thing that causes disgust or loathing. For once you weren’t wrong.

What can you expect from someone who has the “I am not like others” kinda mentality while stating relatable things that everyone goes through?

This is getting pretty long. So to sum this up. You are now telling others that hate is NOt ok and that they should be ashamed of themselves when you yourself is not ashamed of hating on me?

I am not the type that sends anon hate. I might ignore some barking but the past days you came and bite me hard. I face the ones I have to face without fear. I know I am not the bad guy here and I don’t care much what you think about me. Even BTS got haters. This says a lot. BUT do NOT dare talk badely of my dear friends/followers. You said you do research well? Start by deleting the post below that was originally by ME from your blog ... oh how meticulous you are. From your baseless receipts to your twisted logic. Indeed people on the internet can say anything and it will be FACTS. You painted me as the devil and painted yourself as this researcher? What’s next you receiving a Phd in ‘pity me’ after your MBA in lies and irony? Whatever~ 

Whaaatever~ Karma will have upcoming talks with you. No need for you to apologize. I never cared about you and you only got attention using me. But I am not here anymore how will you get that blog running now? Are you gonna add me in a fanfic next? No need for you to send me my appearance fee when you do so~ And no need for you to apologize to me just apologize to you conscience if you have any left.  As for me @hobisbeautifulass​ you are just someone I will forget soon anyway~~ 

And because according to what you said HERE when you described the things you hate about people and I thought that was VERY close to how you treated me. Thus, you might really not stand yourself rn.

Do.Not.Worry. BTS are starting the Love Myself campaign again and just in time for you to jump in (you are good at jumping to conclusions about me so I won’t worry about you). I know you don’t like me or my friends but be sure to love yourself at least ^^ 

You are a Hobi stan? Then learn from Hobi to share some sunshine not bring the storm. Have a good day~

[hwajin]

disclaimers: this is f!reader angst, expect nothing from me i have bad grammar and im mentally drained. tnx -lorelei/🥟

* minho made an update as i was writing.

心做し (224) ft. 이민호

day 1

to say the least, you were annoyed. too annoyed at the fact you couldn't concentrate in the first day of class. "you should really talk it out with him." jeongin said at you with a concerned look. "i'm not angry i just, hate being second all the time. c'mon ayen, you know that since the first day we became friends."

you were once y/n, the transferee girl. you sat beside jeongin on your first day, who thought you looked cute on your first day.

coincidentally, you liked his friend. a senior who was named minho. assuring to yourself and jeongin that it was nothing more than a crush was the hardest part. being drunk at a party and confessing to him had become what you quote "the best thing i've ever did".

after class ended, you decided to stick with jeongin who became class president and now is tasked to clean the classroom. why were you there? you really trusted him, a lot and as a friend.

"hyung!" jeongin called out to your supposed boyfriend who was walking toward your classroom.

"y/n-ah, bubs, cutie" he said, ignoring the male and rushing to give you a warm hug. "if you feel less, remember i love you so much. today tomorrow forever, remember?" he told you and you just stood there, uncertain how to react.

"y/n you should go home, i'll be waiting for seungmin too." jeongin said with a warm smile, looking at your annoyed face that contrasts minho's neutral face.

for some reason, you and minho walked home not even talking. "i'm-" "please dont remind me again." you coldly said. "i'll make it up to you. iced coffee?" he asked as you shrugged, thinking of your answer but your heart said yes after a second he asked the question.

"i'm super sorry i've been insecure." you muttered while intertwining both your arms. "no big deal. remember that she's a friend." he said as he rubbed your fingers.

you've never really been anyone's first choice, in middle school you never really had a permanent set of friends that treated you like a friend. you were always rejected and your parents never really cared for you as much as other parents do. you knew you grew up quickly, and you're trying to fix yourself as much as you can.

"oh look, the theme park is open today." he said, pointing outside to the moving ferris wheel. "come on, we are fixing the blue, making it color yellow." he said while dragging you outside the coffee shop as you silently drink your coffee.

he put your bangs down slightly, smiling at what he did and ruffles your hair softly. "my y/n is so cute. she's pretty, nice and she is the first person in my mind. "

"minho?" there she was, the girl you hate the most. minho's first love. his family loves her that sometimes you get compared to her. you knew of her existence, unsure if she knew yours though. "ah this must be your new girlfriend!"

noticing your uneasy gazes, minho spoke up. "hi, yeah and we're leaving." he said. "i really don't know where the entrance is, can i come with you? i'm meeting up with my friends." she pouted as you nodded.

"yeah, you're y/n, super cute. minho and you were together since last year? congrats!" she asked and minho was the one to answer. "yeah, here's the entrance to the theme park." he scoffed and held your hand tighter while you walked towards the ferris wheel.

day 2

the next day, you had to bring it up to jeongin and seungmin, people you trusted the most. "yeah its kinda like in a teasing way, i absolutely hate it. its like she wants to punch me in the face and move me out of her way!"

"oh my god, never be a punch bag you can move around." jeongin said. "i'm not a punchbag!" you said in an enthusiasic tone "Y/N ISNT A PUNCHBAG." seungmin accidentally said too loudly, causing the librarian to look and he bowed his head to say sorry. "my bad." he said and the three of you laughed quietly.

day 94

and, you knew it was coming.

after months, she always found a way to be closer to him. after all, she did know him better. while losing time for you, he remembered all the points on why she was his first love after all.

"minho... please dont hurt me anymore mentally. if you want to break up with me, im sorry. i dont know. i just feel too conflicted. i... hate this so much. i want to die. " was the first words you said as he opened up to your door. "i love you y/n." "its always i love you y/n, i love you y/n, fuck do you even mean them?! words aint enough, atleast spend some time with me. i... absolutely hate this."

collapsing to his arms, he felt his tears rushing down his cheeks. "i never knew you felt like that." he said as he caressed your hair. "now you know." you said, as he kissed your tears away. "can we move somewhere else?" he asked, talking about the awkward position you have on the doorway that made you smile.

day 156

"wow, it's snowing!" you said as you tugged minho's arm. "babe, please pay attention to me." you say to your boyfriend over and over again, who has been focusing on his project. you knew it was hard for him, but it was a sunday. and it was a group project. "you done your part yesterday-" "let me finish this first." he said with a scary tone, realizing what he said he decided to let it be for a few moments.

why am i being like this? he asked himself, looking at his girlfriend. his girlfriend, he reminded himself. perhaps he forgot? is his first love comig back to his life?

day 183

"and... thats what i knew. " you said over and over again. "y/n..." "stop messing around with me! you knew i couldve told hwang hyunjin from class c that! i couldve told your friend jisung, i had a crush on them too, but i chose you, and i never regretted it for, one and a half year. you dont even remember our anniversary? could you just ever..." you said, walking away.

"but i wasn't your first choice either." he spit out, and that made you get very angry. "what about now? who is your first choice now, my first choice now would be you. after that day i confessed it became you, i didnt even force myself to. it was because, you were minho i loved. can i... get him back. but fuck no, you played me." you said, and he breathed in and out.

after hours of silence, you left your phone, he noticed. opening the chats and backreading everything, that was the time where indeed he was wrong, he was wrong in all aspects. he never says sorry, its always her. and his phone rang, it was the girl again. he felt a jolt in his heart reading her name, butterflies in his stomach, but he knew there was y/n.

"ah fuck, this is all my fault."

day 192

a week or so since you havent gone to school, thats when you realized your mom cared and told you advice, went online shopping with you. its just that you always view everything negatively.

"someone wants to see you." she said, you hoped it was minho who would tell you sorry.

"y/n... its jeongin and seungmin. i have notes here compiled, even though im from another class. jeongin has english here, are you fine? " they asked while you explained everything.

day 194

deciding to go to school although minho was there was a bad thing. the day consisted of you being mentally unstable, and that wasnt the cherry on top.

"why are you here?" you said once you went out the school campus. "because, i want to. iced coffee?" again, blindly saying yes.

day 200

if you love her, dont be nice anymore. chanted in your head, but cant be said.

" why are you so nice, i know you've fallen out of love. " and he smiled as he looked again at the movie.

"minho. please, give me closure. stop being nice. treat me like a servant. swear at me. tell me im a bitch, whore, i dont know degrade me! please leave my heart alone, i cant cry anymore."

and so he thought for a moment, i cant do that.

day 210

holding you close again while you violently react, he caressed your face softly. tracing each feature and wiping your tears.

screaming, crying, like the storm. but he still held you up, like how he does to you everytime. "it's fine now."

day 224

"if i had a hole in my heart, how do i fix it?" she asked him, the man who she hasnt talked to in 2 weeks. "you've known what it is." he replied subtly.

"its not today tomorrow forever anymore huh. two day, two morrow and four ever. and its feb 24. fucking want to collapse or you just hit me and degrade me like what i said." and you watched him shake his head. "you cant split a heart into two and think it would still work, cant you?"

"but, you can break one into pieces and then they'd pretend its fine." she says with a bitter smile. "please be happy." and those words, those simple words were the confirmation. it was such a bitersweet love, everyone finds their way out of this somehow.

oof wait a minute i gotta read this later I DON'T HAVE TIME RN BUT EVERYONE GO READ

[noahhernandez]

2/9/2015 v. 8/11/2020

1:Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie. My favorite movie is Scream, and it started when I saw the midnight premier of Scream 4 with my dad back when I was in 8th grade, then Scream 1 came on AMC late on night and I just really like it

I still think Scream is one of my favorites, but Halloween has jumped up there just because I am obsessed with all things horror really lol. I started to love Halloween because of the new trilogy.

2:Talk about your first kiss. It’s really not that interesting but really like embarrassing. It was with my first boyfriend and I had just turned 15 and we were at the school just walking around and we went into the band hall and I was like ok im leaving and he was like wait and we kissed and i was like o

the same ! 

3:Talk about the person you’ve had the most intense romantic feelings for. I never really have had intense feelings for anyone. I d k

One my exes- I mean we were dating for awhile so that’s pretty intense to me. 

4:Talk about the thing you regret most so far. I regret… Nothing really I mean, I have done really bad things in my life, but i don’t regret them

I regret failing like 2 semesters of college lmao and almost dropping out. If i didn’t then I would 1- would have been done earlier and 2- would have already completed a year of grad school but IDK also another is wasting lots of money in 2017-2018

5:Talk about the best birthday you’ve had. The best birthday I’ve had was.. Idk This year was was nice I saw Iggy Azalea in concert, then I celebrated my friends’ birthday then mine and it was just everyone got to get together so ya this year my 18th

For my 21st birthday I went to Portland, Oregon and spent the weekend there and it was pretty and my first time there so it was nice despite what I think about PDX now. I don’t even know what I was doing for my 19 and 20th birthday lol. 

6:Talk about the worst birthday you’ve had. My 17th birthday because I was stuck 2 hours away from home with a bunch of nerds doing a band competition 

That is still probably my worst birthday. I forget to mention that I was gone literally from like 7am to midnight. They werent a bunch of loser nerds, they were my friends, but I still wish I was just at home lol. 

7:Talk about your biggest insecurity. I am skinny, but not fit. If I eat anything I get this like stomach and it makes me so sad. and ever since I got a job I work odd hours and I eat a lot of fast food and I’ve gained 10 pounds in 2 years and I guess i’m insecure about my weight

I am still insecure about my weight, and I probably weight like 5 pounds more than I did when I made this post 5 1/2 years ago. 

8:Talk about the thing you are most proud of. We have band banquets for band, and I only went my sophomore and junior year, and seniors give out awards to underclassmen that are just jokes really, and both years 4 different seniors gave me an award for being the biggest gossip in the entire band and I was proud of that lol

Well since then I have graduated both high school and college. I am proud that I finished college !! A BS in Psych. Proud of myself that I got promoted (in 2017) at my job; i’m proud of myself that I have my own apartment, and blah blah basically just doing regular adult shit. 

9:Talk about little things on your body that you like the most. I like my nose because of how perfectly fixed it is. I also really like my freckles/moles/dark marks idk what they are exactly, but they’re on my face and they look great

I still feel the same way about this, maybe add my eyebrows- they’re not like clean and nice they’re just expression markers on my face that i love.

10:Talk about the biggest fight you’ve ever had. I got into a fight with my old friend Angelica and that was almost 4 months ago and we used to be best friends and now we never talk.

When Janett didn’t talk to me all summer of 2019 because I told our other friend Angel something

11:Talk about the best dream you’ve ever had. I cant remember one 12:Talk about the worst dream you’ve ever had. I can’t remember one

13:Talk about the first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time. The closest thing i’ve had to like sex was being locked in a back of an SUV with a stranger drunk as fuck and naked and its embarrassing

Just awkward and nothing to which I expected. 

14:Talk about a vacation. When I was 16, the high school band took a trip to Hawaii, and all my friends were in band so it was great. We did a lot of things, we toured Pearl Harbor and even played a few patriotic songs on the USS Miss. and our hotel was on Wakiki beach. I went snorkeling in some beautiful water and shit and idk just walked all around Hawaii having a great time omg we got on stage at the Hard Rock Cafe and sang with German people i miss it

Hm that was fun. But I.. went to NY with my ex and that was pretty cool because I literally love New York, and I went to NOLA two years ago (today actually) and got miserably drunk so that was fun too 

15:Talk about the time you were most content in life. Probably just in the middle of junior year when everything and everyone was going with the flow

I feel like 2016 was a very content year because I remember nothing about it. 

16:Talk about the best party you’ve ever been to. Idk which one to talk about the one where I had a lot of fun and risked my life or the one where there was a lot of drama stirred up and drank myself to sadness. 

I haven’t really been to a party? I have gone out and had good times. Really anytime my friends and I go out I am having a good time 

17:Talk about someone you want to be friends with. I am already friends with people I want to be friends with

18:Talk about something that happened in elementary school. I kissed a boy on the back of the head and i told I just fell onto his head

Let me think of another one. Back in like fourth grade my friend was in a wheel chair and his backpack was falling from the back and I was trying to grab it and i was only 3 feet tall i couldnt see over or wasnt paying attention and i crashed him right into the bookshelves at the library. 

19:Talk about something that happened in middle school. A girl was mad at me because idk why lol and she pushed me in the hall way and I fucking flew across that hall on the floor and hit the wall she’s pregnant now

When I was in 5th grade (which is considered middle school in my district) I was standing on the play ground and someone threw a stick at my head and it knocked me the fuck out and I was bleeding from my temple.

20:Talk about something that happened in high school. In Jr. Year I was pulling into the parking lot but I was texting and I accidentally put half my car on grass area near the side walk luckily it was 7am and only one person saw me do it lol

One summer going into our senior year we had a party at Michelle’s house. First of all we were very drunk and Coby’s parents were like we are coming over and we cleaned TF UP so fast and sat on the couch and turned on I Know What You Did Last Summer and his parents were like interesting and and left and then we continued to drink anyways- we started playing truth or dare and my friend Angelica was like I dare u to kiss Anthony (someone I had liked prior) and he wouldnt and we started attacking him and calling him homophobic and hitting him with pillows lmao- him and I are still friend-ish

21:Talk about a time you had to turn someone down. I can’t think of something right now.

Literally anyone on grindr.

22:Talk about your worst fear. I’m afraid of having no career and being stuck doing something I hate and living paycheck to paycheck

Yeah, I’m scared of that still but I.. think just like being broke and jobless. RN with the pandemic we aren’t really working and still getting gov’t assistance, so.  IDK being a real real adult scares me a lot. 

23:Talk about a time someone turned you down. I can’t think of a time :)

One time in like 2016 maybe idk - this dude told me to come over and he lived far like not that far maybe 25 minutes lol far for me anyways I got to his apartment and there was a gate code and i asked him what it was and he didnt answer and it was like 2-3am and nobody was coming in or out and so i was like damn this sucks lmao

24:Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot. Nothing really has meant a lot to me. Everyone tells me the same thing over and over again and its so surface level

I still can’t think of anything but I’m sure the friends I have met since this and my friends Faith, Michelle, Peter, and Alisa have said something supportive that meant a lot to me. 

25:Talk about an ex-best friend. Angelica Ramirez. She was my best friend for only 3 years, but together we went through A LOT of shit. We started out senior year just fine, but she lied about a few things and made a lot of us feel like crap in October. I won’t lie, I do miss her. We have too many memories to just forget, too many funny stories and great adventures. She helped me with too much, and sometimes I think about how I cut her out of my life and I mad a bad choice. But only time can heal things and I have moved on and truly found people that won’t make me mad every 30 seconds. 

Brianna Pajak, I don’t remember anything about her except she was poor and we stopped being friends because she always wanted to fight and be annoying. 

26:Talk about things you do when you’re sick. Lay on bed on my computer and watch TV

I normally just suffer and cry about wishing I was healthy again.

27:Talk about your favorite part of someone else’s body. Their…!!>>>??? 

I must have nice hands and ur nose must be nice too! so nose and hands. lol

28:Talk about your fetishes. none

yeah I don’t have any lol not that I can think of. 

29:Talk about what turns you on. Idk i really like kissing and touching and this is awkward. 

30:Talk about what turns you off. bad breath by

that and ugly/rough hands, acne sorry i know it is natural but, shorter than me lol, white people, long hair on guys, and thats about it i think hm i am single yes 

31:Talk about what you think death is like. I think its like idk its scary tho

um idk i dont like thinking about death because i literally want to cry when i think about it. 

32:Talk about a place you remember from your childhood. I remember being in trees a lot

My step grandma’s a lot because my parents were working and she would watch us. She passed away about a month ago :( 

33:Talk about what you do when you are sad. I usually only tell one person and that person is Alisa and I cry sometimes to her and expect her to make things better and she does thank u

I be doing the same thing, I text someone and that person could really be anyone but it happened the other day and I texted Bri and she was very helpful. 

34:Talk about the worst physical pain you’ve endured. I have no idea, I’ve never broken pulled strained twisted fractures or anything i have no life

I still haven’t done any of that stuff to my body. I also have burn scars but I did not feel those when it was happening. I would just say i guess my wisdom teeth coming in because I did not get them removed. I have 3 out lol.

35:Talk about things you wish you could stop doing. Pushing potential love interests away 

I have had some ‘love interests’ since this post, but it’s been about a year now since and I kind of push away the opportunity of getting close to someone. I also need to stop being a bitch sometimes. 

36:Talk about your guilty pleasures. eating 

I would say idk eating was a stupid answer. 

37:Talk about someone you thought you were in love with. never

I was in love and i didn’t ‘think’ I was in love. I don’t know what you mean by talk about them, they were my partner but we broke up hehe.

38:Talk about songs that remind you of certain people. Fireflies by Owl City reminds me of my 7th grade crush Fancy by Iggy Azalea reminds me of my two friends Michelle and Alisa idk anything else

um Idk. i rly cant think  39:Talk about things you wish you’d known earlier. I wish I would have known that

That it’s okay to tell people you’re struggling lol . That is okay to fail sometimes (school).  40:Talk about the end of something in your life. everything is just about to start

When I ended how to get away with murder I wish I never did I love that show with all my heart. 

[elvencantation]

aladdin 2019 liveblog

OMG THE WAY THEY GOT HIM TO SING ARABIAN NIGHTS WORKED SO WELL. also the kids are adorable. and the ship

though some of the lyric changes are… a bit too on the nose

too cute first meeting

PARKOUR

oh yes thank you for the songs give me hope. i didn’t even see mulan but i watched enough reviews that i know i dont rly wanna

jafar aint creepy enough. sorry he just isn’t

ahhh his place is so cool! with the hidden stairs and stuff. love shit like that

its not like what? were you planning to give it back?  OH it was abu that tracks

OH MY GOD IVE BEEN LOOKING FORWARD TO HER DRESSES

also this prince is dressed so badly. wow. so gaudy

why did they add him hes so annoying go away boy

HEY STOP BEING A DICK TO JASMINE JAFAR NOBODY LIKES U ALSO UR OUTFIT IS STUPID

YOU ARE NOT QUALIFIED TO SPEAK TO HER

can we just let rajah eat him pls

omg jasmine trying to get dahlia to pretend she’s the princess. i mean, im not sure if i quite felt the need to include her character, especially as someone trying to convince jasmine to let go of her well meaning ambition and get married

“why are you being weird” omg i love her

jasmine looks so pleased with herself while dahlia is acting so weird

just stop talking dahlia nobody expect u to talk to him just be haughty

DONT GET COCKY DUMBASS OH MY GOD

idk how i feel about jafar apparently being ‘a common thief’ once upon a time, ‘just like aladdin’. like for all we know u stole the hair thingy with magic. we know u a manipulative fuck

also like- how are we gonna handle the her not recognizing him when he’s in prince getup? like, she recognized him in weird servant getup

wait since when was the cave a lion? i thought it was a tiger…

i like how abu smacks him to get him out of gem trance XD

ok so abu already touched a bunch of treasure. and nothing happened. uhhh what

omg the carpet is adorable yes thank you

and aldadin is stepping all over the treasure. i am confusion

ooooo pretty lava!!!

omg its time for the genie!! tho i do wish they hadn’t made him literally blue. ah well. excited to see what will smith can make of it. nobody can top robin williams, but there have been other genies. there will be more (yes i mean broadway. tho i haven’t seen any broadway aladdin shows. i do love their blue outfits for the genie)

also damn i love genie’s gold tattoo/ornament thingys under the cuffs on his arms. want some for myself 

WHAT DID U DO TO ABU THATS RUDE

oh my god poor abu having to be the accompaniment. pls tell me u replace him with an orchestra genie, u rly do need one for this song

ok that was short

there we go!

oh this is fun!!!

baklava is magic and should be respected as such

ok the puppet thing is a bit creepy tho i do think they did that in the original as well

uhhh can we nix the rap pls

oh man i love his pants!!

omg the splits i cant

DONT THINK I DIDNT SEE THIS

oh ofc its genie magic that makes him unrecognizable. i mean, lying about his identity was half the plot of the movie but still im a bit sad

omg its time for the big entrance omg

oh god genie why the hat thats bigger than ur body

omg dalia’s approving little expression that was adorable

poor boy looks so uncomfortable

why is it so important that he has so many animals? is that the only way to show wealth? or just the flashiest?

“so yummy boy”???!??! i cant im laughing so hard rn

oh my god this is gonna be so awkward when he has to talk to actual royalty tho not looking forward to the second hand embarrassment

aww i do miss genie turning into weird TV personalities when talking about the animals tho

yuppp i knew it was gonna be this awkward

i cannot do this i have to turn off the volume or i will flee this tab and try to skip this scene when i come back

ok i had to scroll down, and still even reading the subtitles made me embarrassed. why am i like this

MY GOD HER PEACOCK OUTFIT IS SO BEAUTIFUL

WHY ARE YOU MAKING HIM DANCE LIKE THIS MY SECONDHAND EMBARASSMENT CANT HANDLE IT GENIE

ok finally he kinda got the hang of it. dont be fanciful genie just copy the other guys pls

bit of a weird dance tho…

oh nooo genie getting fanciful

i went from, oh this is cute to, oh no pls stop

ok now that ppl are clapping i feel less awkward. brain why u gotta do this to me. but also u rly dont have to have aladdin breakdance

ok he jumped on the fountain and this stated going back into ridiculous and why territory

and jasmine ran away. cant blame her. it makes him look kinda like an attention seeking person

awwww dalia’s little ‘excuse me for a moment’ i kinda expected her to scream but this was also cute

my god her room is so pretty. and the moment with the apples was adorable

I AM NOT TEARING UP AT A WHOLE NEW WORLD I AM NOT. I JUST HAVENT WATCHED ANY VERSION OF ALADDIN IN A LONG TIME

i just REALLY LOVE THIS SONG OK IDK WHY IM CRYING. AND THEYRE ADORABLE HELP

and the HARMONIES IVE ALWAYS LOVED THEM!!!

ughhhh he had a moment where he could’ve come clean

oh i love a dramatic near death experience

omg yes destroy the staff how lovely and yes dramatic. can u tell i like some good drama. not the weird relationship kind

ur not the same on the inside. not quite

ARE YOU KIDDING ME U DIDNT NOTICE SOMEONE STEALING FROM U

see this is what he meant by u changing. u can never forget ur past

oh i love the dark instrumental version of ‘never had a friend like me’. also the pretty sparkly magic. always love some good aesthetic cgi

OMG I KNOW THIS IS THE MOMENT FOR HER SONG AND I CANNOT WAIT OMGOGMG

OH MY GOD YES EVEN THO IM SAD NOBODY GOT TO HEAR HER SONG I DO LOVE THIS!! YES YOU KNOW ALL THESE PEOPLE YOU CARE YOU KNOW THEIR NAMES AND THEIR STORIES AND THAT MATTERS

OMG HER BABA IS SO PROUD OF HER AAAAAAA

oh that was a lovely moment. too bad jafar is a massive prick

oh this is interesting! i love a dramatic disappearance. poor guy. drowning, hypothermia, fun stuff to do within a day

love some ice parkour!

👀

WAIT U CANT KILL THE CARPET ITS AN ANIMATE OBJECT WTF THATS RUDE

the decent part of me is glad they didn’t put jasmine in a slave leia type outfit, but the gay part of me is a bit disappointed…

OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS PART YES YOU MANIPULATE HIM U CLEVER BOY SLYTHERIN WOULD BE PROUD OF U. EVEN IF U DO HAVE A GRYFFINDOR HEART

omg the dark little smirk on aladdin’s face. u HAVE to admit that was hot

just loOK AT IT I HAD TO GIF IT I HAD NO CHOICE

GET YOUR OWN JAMS. that was cute

“also i want children” 😂

WAIT WAIT HOW DID I NOT PUT TWO AND TWO TOGETHER OMG THIS IS ADORABLE

PLS TELL ME SHE GOES TO HIS SECRET LITTLE TOWER PLACE

omg this is hilarious “stop thief, your sultan commands it” I CANNOT 😂

DID HE SERIOUSLY GET MARRIED WITHOUT EVEN A CHANGE OF OUTFIT. ah ok sorry shouldn’t have spoken so soon THEY BOTH LOOK STUNNING GOD THE OUTFITS IN THIS MOVIE WERE FUCKING GORGEOUS

i also dont mind the more “feminist” storyline they gave jasmine. it worked

[poetryandnightmaress]

I think I owe you some things. Explanations. Lots of Explanations. And most of all: Apologies.

It would be nice if you can share this with the people I hurt the most. You don’t have to though. It’s your desicion after all.

I realised I fucked up big time. I realised the reason being ignored was not only timezones and stuff. It was also because people were actually scared of me. I scared them. I made them angry. I made them sad. I made them relive trauma. And I never realised it because I only looked at myself.

I have anger issues since I’m a small child. I used to scream at people. I used to go full on rage. In real life, I can keep this anger inside mostly. The only exception for years is online stuff. And most of this comes from my self-esteem issues.

You see...every time I see someone getting more attention then me, or when I get no attention at all, I fall into despair. And this despair turns into anger. And anger into wrath. Then I do things I heavily regret afterwards. Name dropping. Insults. Triggering Stuff. Harsh things. Guilt Tripping. The whole program.

I really love coping with Self Shipping. The problem is, I need to learn to use it against my anger issues and my jealousy. It’s really hard for me. I have some very, very tiny successes but- It’s not enough.

And honestly? Everything was a “Teufelskreis”, a devil circle. My anger made people scared to interact with me and this resulted in people stop interacting with me resulting in more anger and so on.

I know. I need to change. I came a far way til today but there’s still so much room for improvement. My Guilt Tripping and my Jealousy are such big problems and believe me: I hate them as well. But I just never learned how to deal with hate and critisicm and all the other stuff in the right way. I’m defensive, always scared people will jump at me and scratch my eyes out, if you know what I mean.

I’d love to go to therapy, but there are no good ones near me. My city has so many horrible ones. I had a really good one in my childhood, but sadly she can’t continue treating me because of what’s going on rn and because I’m over 18 now. I know I act very childish. I wish I could change that. But it’s a long way. 

I scared off so many people who mattered a lot to me. Who I wanted to see happy. I made them cry. And I regret it. They might never come back to me, and I have to accept it. I wanna say sorry to so many people. To all the people I harmed and hurt with my hate and wrath and jealousy. I’m truly sorry.

I can’t promise I can control my anger and my flaws after this. Like I said, it’s hard. It’s really hard. I wanna try more then 100% now, but I can’t change suddenly. It will take time.

I just want you to know the reasons behind my toxic actions. Why I did all this horrible stuff. Why I went on rampages over and over. And why I’m now sitting here, trying to form those words while trying not to break down again.

It’s your desicion if you want to forgive me. I understand I messed up big time. I did some unforgiveable actions. and I wanna get help. I wanna try my best. But it will take a long time.

I’m sorry for everything I’ve done.

Remember. Your F/O’s adore you.

~ Akumu

[coridallasmultipass]

Vent / personal / tmi / menstruation / endometriosis / long post ... Im so fucking sick of healthcare professionals telling me to just wait it out and pushing my problems onto other doctors I just got my 5th shot of lupron and have 1 more next month. On my appointment last week i told the gyn how ive been having much more cramping and tissue but not blood coming out regularly and he said its possible the combined lupron and norethindrone are making my uterine lining too thin, and to stop the norethindrone (it was being prescribed to help any menopause-like side effects the lupron can have) And less than 24 hours after my first missed dose i get a full blown period complete with extreme mood swings and depression Im not bleeding this week but im still cramping and the mood swings are so fucking bad, being chronically ill and not getting enough relief from any of my medications is making all of this worse but im literally breaking down over any little thing The lupron and norethindrone combined i guess have been suppressing all my emotions bc this is what it was like on the daily before i started it (just not as bad) which is telling me that none of my psych meds are working but whatever I just now got off the phone with my psych and he said he doesnt want to do anything with my meds or dosing bc he says its related to hormones and thats what my gyn needs to address and i Need To Wait im fucking sick of waiting i cant do this ive been waiting since last august!!!!!!! I now have to wait 2 more whole months of mood swings until i can have another appointment with him hes refused to actually screen me for adhd too and says its bc im An Artist type that im not able to sit down and draw anything since last fall like i fucking hate him and he never gets my name or pronouns right and i cant go see a new psych bc of all the closures and i dont wanna call my gyn bc he said if things get worse i need to have a pelvic ultrasound done again and i cant do it!!! I fucking cant do it it hurts too much im too traumatized from depoprovera and mirena that i cant even touch myself without extreme dysphoria and fear that im going to cramp Its killing me that as someone who was so personally sexual to completely be traumatized from the road to an endometriosis diagnosis that i can no longer masturbate or even talk about sex without anxiety and being trans on top of it hurts even more Next gyn appt is my last injection of lupron and im really gonna push to plan for a partial hysterectomy (i only had endo cysts on the back of my uterus but it was 100% confirmed with surgery and biopsy) so i hope it will help so i can stop taking all these fucking hormonal medications like Before being diagnosed i was really planning on going on testosterone but now im too scared because i feel like it would really fuck up my health problems more - mentally and physically Ive given up on passing and am trying to focus on body acceptance especially now that ove had rapid weight gain that isnt being addressed by any of ky doctors i bring it up to God im just trying to vent here but seriously Do not take the diagnosis of endometriosis lightly its super serious to go forth with any treatments and you really have to commit to long term treatments and its a gamble either way For me not starting any treatments was unacceptable i needed help with extreme monthly periods and all forms of birth control ive tried exacerbated symptoms and never stopped bleeding - i literally cannot personally recommend any form of medical birth control bc every one has fucked me over, many different pills at different points in my life, shot (depoprovera gave me debilitating cramps and i bled non stop all 3 months which started this whole journey to diagnosis), iud (iud was the worst i had to go to the er bc the gyn refused to give me pain meds and i was screaming in pain a few hours later unBle to move or think - i really cannot stress enough how painful and long insertion is like it was the longest 5-10 minutes of my life crying while it felt like a knife going through me) I really dont want that ultrasound tho ffs i had to get the first one done while i was in full force cramps during my depoprovera shot and the pelvic ultrasound rod is humongous and they dig it around inside you (i already had a painful and hard time trying to have pleasurable penetration even by myself or with partners) and it takes like 40 minutes of jumbling around your insides for them to document every thing like at least at that time i was only like 2 months from my last time jerking off but now its been almost 6 months of me not even thinking about putting more than one finger in to clean myself in the shower like to go right into an huge ultrasound is going to be so painful and anxiety inducing and i cant do it id rather go straight into surgery My biggest phobias have to do with pain around this part of my anatomy i cannot stress enough how long ive wanted a hysterectomy just so i dont have to fear accidentally getting p r e g... like i would literally kms... i would probably be able to handle the pain of cutting off my arm with a rusty knife better than extreme cramping pain like i had with the iud or ultrasound its such a phobia and now its source of trauma for me from everything ive gone through the last 6 months Having to readjust my life goals from doing p o r n as a hobby and wanting to transition and be who i am, to becoming a vegetable and trying to cope with the fact that i cant ever transition how i hoped Everything just really sucks for me right now and i have literally no social life any more, not even online bc im so stressed about my health and my attention is so bad i cant focus on a convo online, my laptop is about at its grave so all i have is a phone and xbox with bare minimum internet speed.. i live in the middle of nowhere and cant get my license bc the person who was guiding me to drive is an essential worker in a hospital so i cant go in their car any more... im just so fucking alone i cant do anything except break my back gardening and then cry about it later bc my fucking meds dont fucking work!!!!!!!!! Oh thats another thing im also dealing with fucking gerd on top of all this and i cant get the proceedure i need done to confirm if i need surgery or not bc the fucking lockdown!!!! So im stuck taking pantoprazole (been trying similar meds since march 2019 and its currently june 2020!!!!!!) I just want to eat tomatoes and chocolate again it fucking kills me if i dont take pantoprazole i will lose my voice and have such a sore throat and ears from the stomach acid and i know im gonna have to stop it for 2 weeks for one of the tests i need done and its going to be literal hell like it feels worse than strep throat ill probably do the thing where i start choking and coughing at night bc it gets so bad Im a fucking mess like why couldnt all of this happen one at a time I really want to get my belly pierced again bc i feel so naked without it but i cant bc i probably will be having 2 surgeries once covid blows over (if it ever does) Sorry for taking up so much dash space im just really hurting and need some outlet bc therapy isnt helping rn

[alias-b]

Can you just share how you’ve gotten so good at writing? Like your writing style is so beautiful and unique and I wish I was HALF as good as you! Also would love a random directors cut of your story!!

Crying in the club rn, friend. I’ve been waiting to get home and answer this properly so forgive the late response!! Wowowie wow, this is sweet and I’m dead so ty ty. And idk I’m a tadpole been writing for 10+ years officially, practice bc it only gets better! I love creating OCs and building dynamics of all kinds. I wrote this massive Loki fic that got some attention and I don’t post a lot of my writing, I went through a funk after but this Billy story brought me back so I’m proud about it.

I feel when I stopped being afraid and started communicating myself in everything I wrote, it just flows. Even the harsh parts, it’s just getting over fear and being honest. Ya know? Also, I’m a pretentious little moth drawn to light trying to pretend my stories are also cinematic epics I’m directing. Helps with the visual and tone hahaha. But, the biggest hug and thank you for making a girl smile this big.

Ahhh, a random director’s cuts! Here goes:

1) I’ve changed the timelines and ages purposefully in many places. Ohhh, do I have my reasons. Considering it’s messy in canon, I don’t think the duffers will mind.

2) Camille doesn’t take Billy’s shit both as a romantic partner and a friend. I live for this about her. Their friendship is number one when I’m writing them over the lovers aspect. She has no problem meeting him in the fire pit.

3) Tough guy, Billy Hargrove, hides a blush every single time Camille Harper bats her eyelashes and calls him “Sweet face”

4) Camille’s hyper photographic/muscle memory was fun to write as a challenge to make myself write a girl who is in a way, flawless and yet majorly flawed as well. Her fear is that her personality and emotions are just taken and mutilated versions of traits picked up from people around her. (Which kinda true at times but not all in a bad way)

5) Billy’s read every single book she’s lent him or suggested. It’s a way he feels he’s able to get to know her like she’s trusting him with a snippet of herself.

6) Big snippets of the abuse, mental health issues, and trauma where taken after my own home life both on Camille and Billy’s side.

7) I can say without a doubt that Neil Hargrove is the nastiest man I’ve ever written and I’ve written Thaddeus Ross, William Stryker, and Thanos in the past lmao yikes. Granted, fleshing him out is actually enjoyable from an author pov.

8) Hmmm, last one but these lines in chp 4 “Any other day but not this one. Not this fucking day. He saw a bloodied fox clamped tight within the sharp teeth of a vicious jackal. He didn't want to be that jackal. Didn't want to pick her from his teeth later as if it was the only way to recall her taste.” were some that I was proud of and I consider them the moment Billy started to fall hard for his friend. This and the angry date set up the next morning, Billy was screaming loudly that he cared about her lmao what a sap.

[smoochews]

what are your favorite writers and your top favorite works from them?? like a top ten

I saw this ask in the middle of work and I wanted to scream aksldfjalks I’m gonna tell you rn that I got really overwhelmed with the amount of authors that have earned a spot in my top favs that I actually cut this to just the authors that I have most recently visited (this counts as returning multiple times to reread a certain fic… which happens… a lot)

@arckook Ria is one of the first authors I ever read from for k-pop fanfiction. Until Ria, I was just highkey on that Haikyuu volleyball gays/imagines and I’d like to believe that she was one of the main reasons why I began to invest myself heavily into the kpop fandom. I’m always amazed with each piece she releases. Her style is so unique and hypnotizing. There’s a big section in my heart reserved just for Ria that I don’t have enough words to convey. plz support. plz love. she’s the best

- To The Stars (Jungkook, BTS): Zombie Apocalypse AU, Enemies to Lovers AU, series, violence, angst, drama

This read is not for the light hearted. You have been warned. You will sob hysterically. You will feel rage seep into your bones. You will punch a hole in your screen. MC is an entire badass, but so broken and vulnerable; somehow she manages to keep herself together and carry on. Even when she hates Jungkook with every cell in her body, she makes sure to keep him alive, watch his six, just as he does for her. There’s only a handful of works that have kept me as heavily invested and on my toes every step of the way. And that list begins with To The Stars

 @brokeandjetlagged I cannot tell you how many times I’ve made a fool out of myself in public while reading Bailey’s work…. like lord help me I can’t stay in my chair…

- We Take A Shot (Baekhyun, EXO): Office AU, boss!Baekhyun, one-shot, fluff

Even after re-reading it 2-3 times, I cannot help the obnoxious laughter escaping my mouth….sounding something along the lines of a screeching seagull. Dorky Baekhyun trying to be Mr. Businessman really killed me. LIKE PLZ THE HOVER BOARD asdfjsj I’m laughing just thinking about it

- Hurt Me, Heal Me (Yixing, EXO): Hospital AU, nurse!Yixing, one-shot, fluff

Honestly, I would pay to be Baekhyun in that moment. Someone kick me in the face if that meant I could spend some time with nurse Yixing. He’s so adorable and I highly relate to MC being a mess when he thinks that she’s Baek’s girlfriend. Overall, this fic makes my heart go kyuu~

- Bromance .2 (Minseok, EXO) : College AU, frat!Minseok, enemies to lovers AU, series (ish), fluff, smut, drama

enemies to lovers…. honestly I’m not entirely sure of what to say other than that you should read it

@sehun-smut ngl. one of the reasons, besides me passing out, that this rec list took so long to make is bc I stopped to re-read both of these fics…. no ragrats… I don’t think you’ll understand until you read all of their work… so like… you know what to do…

- Business in the Front (Baekhyun,EXO): Restaurant AU (ish), one-shot, smut

Older Baekhyun is a kink okay. I’ve never wanted to call someone daddy more in my life than while reading this fic… and like to begin with it’s hard for me to imagine Baek being zaddy, so that should say A LOT.

- Deceitful (Chanyeol, EXO) - Mafia AU, series, smut, violence

I think this is the first honeytrapper fic I’ve ever read in my life. I mean I was aware of the job description but not the actual title. I must say I’m thoroughly aroused and equally terrified.

 @exhoe-imagines I really adore Ruby and Jewels. Like, they’re so funny and interactive with their followers; and their content is always breath taking. highkey power couple energy

- Can’t Hold Back (Jongdae, EXO): Enemies to Lovers AU, one-shot, smut, drama, slight angst

You already know Jongdae is fucked the minute he sees MC’s bathing suit on the ground while she’s in the pool. You already know that when he went home that evening, his meat was begging for mercy by the end of the night. jfladskjf okay I’m gross, I know, but carrying on– the growth between Jongdae’s and MCs relationship is really heartwarming. Could not have asked for more from this fic

- Lucky (Baekhyun + Chanyeol, EXO): College AU, one-shot, smut

So…. let’s talk about the elephant in the room… or should we say two? bc there is definitely more than one trunk for MC to handle… so…. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GET WREKT MC

@yehet-me-up I will never not be in love with Sarah. Her Exodus Mall series really takes me back home. Often times when I’m feeling down and sick, I return to Sarah’s page and re-read that series. To say the least, I find home in Sarah’s writing.

- The Problem With Wanting (Kyungsoo, EXO): Mall AU, series, fluff, slight angst, smut

listen to this song and just take it in…. I think this was the first fic I read from the Exodus series and it will always hold a special place in my heart. This fic in particular is what I find myself coming back to again and again, time after time, and I always feel renewed. I feel youthful. More like… you know that feeling you get when you realize you’re falling in love with someone? That’s this. Please read. Please.

- Disqualified (Kyungsoo, EXO): Friends to Lovers AU, one-shot, angst, fluff

Imagine twisting a knife in your gut and slowly removing it through the opposite side of your body. That’s this fic. But like. With love. askdjflksjd I really love the way Sarah portrays Kyungsoo. Her descriptions of his thoughts, mannerisms and quirks make me feel like I’m watching a movie. Everything is so distinct and the atmosphere feels tangible. idk words. I just love Sarah.

@snakescript I don’t know too much about this author but I’m totally and completely enamored with their writings. 

- Make The Devil Cry (Taeyong, NCT) : College AU, one-shot, light angst, smut

I’m weak for the “playboy” tamer… and tbh I feel like this would be Taeyong irl. Hard and complex to the eyes of an observer, but a major softy and sweet pea to the eyes of a listener. I’m upset of how little attention this fic has bc the world is really missing out on a diamond.

- Face Like Thunder (Chanyeol, EXO): Mythology/Greek God AU, one-shot, light angst, fluff

I would like to file a complaint. My heart is crying and my love for Chanyeol is soaring and I’m ACHE FOR THE MAN. Lmao I’m not even a Chanyeol stan but this fic got me thinkin’

@johobi you can always count on Jo to make you cream your pants in the middle of Target (stay away from the baby section kids)

- Bloom / Snared (Yoonji/Yoongi, BTS): Mafia AU, smut

honestly, Yoonji can wipe the floor with my body, in pool of my own blood, and I would thank her. I really really love the way Jo depicts Yoonji here. I can just feel that fem fetal power and that in itself got me ruining my underwear.

- Tooth and Claw (Jungkook, BTS) : Werewolf AU, smut

I’ve never related to furry more in my life than while I read this fic. high key wanna be rawed and torn in half by his king kong schlong … idk how MC survived, but she’s my idol.

- Dig Deep + Interval (Yoongi, BTS): Space AU, smut

I’m ngl. I really went to Pornhub and looked up tentacle porn after reading this. Y’all can @ me, roast me if you like,,,, but you’re a got-damn liar if you say this doesn’t get your blood pumping. p sure I wrote this on my tags but i didn’t even know I liked tentacle porn until then…. I hate myself

 @bread-jinie idk where to start…. there are so many things I can say about Kat…… im tongue-tied…. 

- Wings (Chanyeol, EXO): Friends to Lovers AU, angst, fluff

I think this fic is my favorite work Kat has written so far. It’s like she knows the right words to tug the strings of my heart and play me like a puppet. A heartbroken but hopeful puppet. MC and Chanyeol always looking at each other but never at the same time breaks me; thankfully, the ending patches me back together.

Honorable mentions bc I’ve grown v tired and cannot continue with full details for info regarding everything, in addition to the fact that I’m inpatient and I want to post this ASAP:

@kollectionn GOD SENT. DO NOT PLAY AROUND. YOUR LIFE WILL CHANGE. YOU WILL NEVER BE THE SAME. THE WORLD WILL END AS YOU KNOW IT. THEN BE REBORN FROM THE ASHES AS C WILLS IT SO. (sorry for the all caps but I feel INTENSELY about C and her works of art; If I can recall correctly, I believe she said that she would begin to write her own non-fanfic when she finds the time. I think she has the power and ability to write best selling novels that would leave J.K. Rowling quaking in her boots. Plz go and love C. Don’t ask for updates. Just show her all the love she deserves and more; I haven’t been lately and I feel terrible for it; I hope she knows I love her!!!)

@dropsofletters lemme tell you somm’… this author is so talented and diverse in her work that I find myself scattered with the amounts of fandom’s she holds in her clutch. I’m so thankful to have found her page on this godforsaken website bc she caters so much to this world. Talented. Spectacular. Amazing. Blessing to Society. I don’t think I’ve found any multi-fandom writers that has spread out as far as she has. She’s one of those authors that has exactly what you’re looking for, even if you don’t know what it is. An Angel.

@layhyunnie beautiful. ethereal. whimsical. Inspiring. I mean literally inspiring. I wrote a few drabbles after reading Guardian bc I wanted to try and bring to life a world outside of our own, to step outside reality, just like I felt while reading their work. 

- Guardian (Yixing, EXO): Supernatural AU, series, fluff

Again… I’m v tired… so here’s a short list of authors I meant to add here, along with their fics/full details of why I love them:

@knockknocksoosthere / @underthejoon @marshmallow-phd @kpopfanfictrash @yeolology @yeolology @whimsical-ness @remembeo @lofiexo @nochugguk @noona-clock @noonachronicles @oilblotter @soobadnoonecanstopher

((If you would like to know more about my interests in the unfinished authors, or any authors above for that matter, then please leave me an ask!! I will answer them when I am no longer tired akjsjdf I cannot reply via chat as this is only a side blog))

[psychicwonu-blog]

Through It All, Right?

A/N: idk if anyone cares about these, but I think I’m just gonna keep putting out small fics until I decide if I actually wanna keep this blog. Going through a lot mentally rn and writing fanfic is a good way to distract myself, but at the same time I feel really uninspired and exhausted:( I’d still appreciate some feedback if anyone is willing to give me any. Tips, critiques and all that are welcome, too. There will be a possible second part for this story, if anyone likes it.

Group: Twice

Member: Momo(x fem reader)

Genre: Angst. Surprise, surprise.

Warnings: Some cursing, mentioned homophobia, insecurities, sadness:/

“Arguments are dumb. I mean, they’re inevitable when you’re in a relationship, and sometimes good can come out of them, I suppose, but mostly they’re just dumb.” you say to your friend, furiously scrubbing the plate in your hands. Jae looks at you and leans onto the counter, resting her chin on the back of her hands. 

“I think the plate is clean, now.” she says with a laugh. You roll your eyes and continue scrubbing. 

“I clean when I’m stressed, Jae. I’m a stress cleaner, and until I’m not stressed anymore nothing will be clean.” Rinsing the plate and slamming it onto the dish rack beside the sink, you grab the next “dirty” dish. Jae rubs your shoulder and laughs again.

“I should really start paying you for this. You’ve been here almost everyday, cleaning up my messes and rewashing all of my dishes. At this point you’re basically my maid.” She says walking to the fridge. “You want some wine?” You shake your head and hold up the cup in your soapy hand. Jae shrugs and mutters “Suit yourself, but wine helps.” before sitting down. Jae has been your best friend for around three and a half years now. You met her through an ex, which is a story for another time, and just clicked. She lets you rant and clean, you let her cry and drink wine, it just works.

She’s great with advice, too. It’s like she always knows what to say, even if she really doesn’t. But, when you came to her about your girlfriend troubles she was stumped. “I just...I’ve never been in a situation like this. I wish I could tell you what I’d do but I can’t. Because I don’t know.” She’d said sympathetically. But, when there’s no advice, there’s stress. When there’s stress...well.

“Just call her, Y/N, what’s the worst that can happen?”

“Well, she could ignore my call. Or she could pick up and start freaking out on me again.” You reply, in a matter-of-fact tone. “I can’t handle another fight right now.”

“I don’t think my dishes can, either.” Jae says. You glare at her, but the both of you end up laughing after you flick soapy water at her. Truthfully though, you do want to call Momo. You love her, and you do not want your relationship to continue down this path, but after what happened tonight space seems to be what’s best for the both of you.

Jae finishes her wine and comes back over to the sink to pull you away from the dishes. You try to protest, but Jae is stronger than you are. With an annoyed expression, you follow her to her room. When you get inside you see a large pile of clothes laying on her bed. You look up at her and smile. 

“I knew you’d need something to do, and I’m not a big fan of laundry, so...” You sit on her bed and start sorting out the items of clothing by color first. Jae follows, but lays down at the top of the bed, moving the pillows. 

“I love you, y’know? You’re like my sister. I mean, you’re really like a sister to me. You do all these-” you say as Jae cuts you off. “You’re rambling.” she says pulling out her phone. You smile and nod your head. You pick up some jeans and straighten them out to fold. 

“And I know. I love you, too.” You hear her say. You look up and laugh. “Yeah, yeah. Keep folding.” she says, taking a picture just as you turn your attention back onto the clothes.

“I ask you to do one thing. One damn thing, and you can’t even do it!” Momo yells. You scoff and walk up to her. 

“I forgot, okay? And I’m sorry about it, I am, but it’s no reason to get mad.” You say, trying to reason with her. Momo isn’t having it and turns around so she isn’t facing you. You’re growing more annoyed by the second. 

“Are you 5? Look at me!” 

“I’m upset. I wanted to spend this night with you. I wanted to have a nice dinner with my girlfriend and you go and invite other people.” She says raising her voice again. You squeeze your eyes shut and grab your hair at the scalp. 

“If anyone should be mad it’s me! You didn’t even tell any of your friends that we’re together! Momo we’ve been dating for almost two years! That is so goddamn ridiculous!” You scream. Momo turns around and walks toward you. 

“You know why I didn’t fucking tell them. You know why I can’t tell anyone else, why I fucking begged you not to tell Jaein.”

“Because you’re an idol? Do you really think any of your fans would care? And your members-” Momo cuts you off there.

“You don’t fucking get it, Y/N! This could ruin my career. No, I’m not worried about my fans or my members. But what about everyone else? Do you understand how homophobic and conservative Korea is? Do you understand that I could lose everything?” she asks yelling. You’re both crying now. You walk up to her and grab her hands after wiping her cheeks. Taking a deep breath you look into her eyes. 

“I’m sorry. But imagine the weight that would be lifted. We can get through it all. Together. Always.” You say softly. Momo rolls her eyes and jerks her hands away from you. 

“I can’t lose everything I’ve worked so hard for.” she says, just above a whisper, turning around. You walk around the coffee table to face her again and wipe your face. 

“You don’t know that you’ll lose everything. And regardless I will always be here with you. I lov-”

“You?” she says, with a sad, annoyed laugh before yelling again. “You could ruin my fucking career!”

Your heart sank. All of the arguments and fights combined didn’t hurt you as much as that sentence did. Nothing she could say at this point matters. You looked down at your feet nodding with blurred vision and licked your lips. Without another word you walked away and left. Momo called after you but...it didn’t matter. You needed space. You needed your best friend. 

Folding the last item of clothing you begin putting it all away. Jae is still laying on her bed scrolling mindlessly thorough her phone. It takes you a few minutes to get everything put up. After you finish you sit beside Jae and sigh. She looks up at you and gives you an understanding smile. You let your body collapse so that you were laying beside her and let out a shaky breath. You pull your hands up to your forehead and rest them there. Looking over at Jae you shake your head.

“I know you’re not okay, but it’s what I’m supposed to ask.” She says, rubbing your arm. The tears begin to fall onto her bedspread and you break. Jae sits in silence and lets you get it all out. 

“She told me that I’d ruin her career. If we came out. She said that to me.” You say, shutting your eyes. Jae is quiet for a minute. 

“She didn’t mean that, Y/N. She didn’t.” You scoff and look at your friend. She raises her eyebrows at you as if to say “you know I’m right.”

“How could she say that to me if she didn’t mean it?” You ask, looking back up at the ceiling. Jae sighs and rolls onto her back. “Because she was angry. People say mean, and untrue, things when they’re angry.” She says. You turn your head to look at her again. You don’t speak, but she does. 

“You need to call her.” she states. 

“I can’t.”

“You have to.” she says handing you your phone that was laying on the bed between you both. You don’t take it. Instead you look away from her.

“You. Have. To. It’s been hours. One of you have to swallow your pride and take the first step. This was a bad fight, but she called after you. It was bad but it isn’t the end.” When it comes down to it you know she’s right. You do need to call Momo and you still want to, but your feelings are hurt and..well...your pride. You still needed time to think, as well. Jae is right, this isn’t the end. Things have to change though.

“I can’t, Jae.” You say softly. Tears threatening to spill again.

“Why not?” she asks rolling over onto her elbows and propping herself up. You look at her and shrug. 

“Because I wouldn’t say something like that to her.” You say. Jae nods and puts your phone down on the nightstand and sighs. She gets up and pulls you out of the room into the hallway. “Where are we going? We were having a friend moment!” You say turning a corner. Jae laughs and tells you to put on your shoes and coat. 

“We’re walking to the corner store. We’re turning this into a wine moment.” she says handing you a scarf. You roll your eyes and wipe your face,walking out the door. Jae and her wine. 

“Why do you treat yourself to cheap, corner store wine. You could at least get something hard. Strong.” Jae stops in her tracks and looks at you. You widen your eyes and question her. 

“Y/N, expensive wine is for dates and rich people in their important dinner meetings and holiday party things. Cheap wine is for sadness and friend moments. Besides, drink enough and you will forget.” She says like it’s something everyone should know. You laugh as you begin walking again. 

“Yeah and I’d also kill my liver.” You say. Jae laughs too and grabs your arm to put hers around. It takes you around five minutes to reach the store. When you finally get there you notice someone sitting outside on a bench. As you get closer to the store you recognize the face mask. Then you recognize the shoes, the clothes, the eyes. Luckily Momo hasn’t seen the two of you yet and you pull Jae back. 

“Y/N, the wine is back there... what the hell?” She says.

“ Momo is there. I can’t. I won’t. I can’t.” You say becoming short of breath. Jae holds you steady and tells you to breathe. 

“In through your nose, out through your mouth. It’s okay. “ she says. You do as she says and bend, putting your hands on your knees. 

“I’ll get the wine, okay.” You look up and see that she’s already starting to walk away. You say her name and she walks back to you. You tell her not to say anything to Momo and she says she won’t.

“Kim Jaein.” You say and she immediately stops. Jae turns around worried looking. “Okay, full name has been whipped out. I said I wouldn’t say anything!” she says putting her hands up in surrender. You tell her you mean it and she goes off to get the wine. She comes back, bottles in hand, smiling at you. You squint your eyes at her. 

“Two bottles of the corner store’s finest,” She says holding up the bag. “one for me, one for you.” Taking the bottle she held out, you still eye her. 

“What?” she says confused. 

“Why didn’t she follow you? Did you say something?” You pry. Jae doesn’t answer, instead she puts her bottle back into the bag and begins walking. You call out her name and  curse at her under your breath. 

“What did you say?” You ask. She begins to ramble in her own defense and you have to tell her to slow down. 

“She kept asking me about you, I mean did you want her to come!?. She wouldn’t let up and she almost did follow me...but I...” she said trailing off. You raise an eyebrow. “You what?” you asked. 

“I told her I’d fight her if she did.” she says with a small, quiet voice. You shove her shoulder back a bit and start walking. 

“Jae! I can’t with you.” You say, almost laughing. She jogs to catch up with you and laughs herself. “It was either me fighting her or you fighting each other. Or worse you fighting me.” She says. “Let’s go kill this wine.”

“I’ll call her tomorrow if she doesn’t tonight.” You say as you step up to the door to her place. Jae tells you that she’ll definitely call, and as if on cue your phone rings. It’s still going as you take off your shoes and coat. Jae looks at you.”Aren’t you gonna answer?” she says. You shake your head. “Nope. The wine is still alive.” You say. Jae laughs and you guys head to the couch. 

You drink the wine and talk, mostly about everything other than the events previously discussed, but because of the repeated ringing it comes up a few times. Jae tells you to answer the next time she calls. You don’t. 

“Okay, seriously. Answer your damn phone. Because if you don’t I’m gonna throw your phone in the left over dish water you forgot to let drain.” She says, You scoff. 

“First of all, you pulled me away to fold your laundry mountain before I could. Second, go ahead.” You say. Jae rolls her eyes. 

“Y/N! Talk to her. I mean it.”

You nod and pick up your phone. It doesn’t ring for a few minutes so you tell Jae to find a movie on Netflix. Just as it’s about to start a familiar tone comes from the device in your hands. You shut your eyes and squeeze your phone. “Y/N.” Jae says. “I’m answering.”

You swipe the green icon and put the phone up to your ear. “Hello?” you say into the speaker and immediately hear sobbing coming from the other line. Momo doesn’t say anything for a minute due to the crying. It breaks your heart to hear her this way. Things shouldn’t be this way. 

“I’m so sorry. Y/N I am so sorry. Please come home. I don’t want to do this over the phone.” She says. Your heart begins to race. “Are you breaking up with me?” You ask. You’ve never felt so small. Momo reassures you that she’s not leaving you, and you feel like you can breathe again.

“I won’t leave you. Ever. I just need to see you.” She says, still crying. You’re crying now too, but you can’t bring yourself to see her right now. “I can’t do that.” You say. She begs and begs but you refuse to give in. Momo apologizes some more and asks you one more time to come home. You can’t. 

“I’m not coming home tonight, Momo.” You say. It’s hard, but you’re not giving in. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay. I don’t know when. But I’ll see you.” Momo doesn’t say anything other than that she’s sorry and she loves you. “I lo-I’ll see you tomorrow.”  is all you say before hanging up. You sigh and throw your phone onto the rug. Jae hugs you. 

“Tell me you heard all of that so I don’t have to explain it.” You say. Jae nods. “She wasn’t exactly quiet.” she says. You pick up the remote and start the movie. While the opening credits play you look over at Jae. 

“I have to see her tomorrow, don’t I?” You ask rhetorically. Jae rubs your arm and gets up to make popcorn. You lean back and look up at the ceiling. “Yeah.” you say, whispering to yourself. You don’t even know if you’re ready.

[obaewankenope]

this is the autistic ask nonnie, if you just tag it with "autism" or smth I should be able to find it. thank you!

Hello you! I promised to give you references yesterday but chaos happened (so sorry, I’ll make up for it I promise) and so I’m a day late! But all is not lost!! Here, be prepared for the influx of resources and such to help you out :))

Note: We are avoiding any and all links to AutismSpeaks since it is bad and evil and wants to cure a perfectly natural condition and keeps coding anyone who is Autistic as some inept monster-child and it’s so ablest that fire (and bitter hate) is my go-to solution for them rn.

Additional Note: Most of the things you find online about Autistic are written from a poor-parent’s perspective and often focus on the negatives of ASD and then hyping up ‘treatments’ to make your child “better” and help “improve” them. It’s all icky and wrong and while I personally feel that some aspects of ABA could be potentially beneficial, the way in which it is generally applied is horrible and so ablest it fucking hurts.

Right. Let’s set off shall we!

.

1. What is Autism?

In a sentence? Autism is a neurodevelopmental disorder that affects how ASD individuals see the world and interact with it. 

Note: ‘Neurodevelopmental’ is a fancy way of saying, how the nervous system of the brain develops. People with Autism and other neurodevelopmental disorders are known to have a-typical rather than neuro-typical (i.e. someone who doesn’t have Autism etc).

2. What are the Symptoms of Autism?

Well apart from making it sound like Autism is a disease - which really? rude - the signs of Autism can vary depending on a lot of socio-cultural factors (as can a lot of disorders tbh) but there are some that tend to be consistent across the board. 

Autistic children always show signs of at least two of the following:

Issues with social interaction

Limited verbal and nonverbal communication

Repetitive behaviors or interests

Note: I myself showed issues with 1 and 3 at an early age, with 2 becoming more pronounced from a shiteload of traumatic experiences I’m still working through at the age of 23 :)

There are some signs of Autism that infants show between six months and two years which include:

infrequent eye contact

fixation on objects

no babbling or gesturing by 12 months

no single words by 16 months

no spontaneous two-word phrases by 24 months.

The NHS website has a good summary of the behaviours common to Autism in children which I’ll sort of paraphrase here (I do recommend you read through it and perhaps speak with older siblings/family who may be able to provide you with anecdotal evidence of you doing similar things yourself; this can often help build the groundwork for a formal diagnosis):

Children may have issues with using non-verbal, non-explicit behaviour when interacting with other children; e.g. playing games may become additionally difficult if they rely on eye contact or gestures

Eye contact is limited or non-existent or it is prolonged and often uncomfortable for the person being stared at

Isolation is a very real thing with ASD children who may shun the attention of children their own age, playing with younger or older children, or seeking out things they can do alone

Empathy is affected by ASD (in the book The Science of Evil, Simon Baron-Cohen points out that there’s two types of empathy and ASD individuals tend to lack the cognitive empathy of understanding and imagining other people’s feelings, but don’t lack the affective empathy which can drive them to becoming upset or highly emotional when someone is injured) and this makes understanding people’s emotions and feelings really frickin hard. The challenge here is neurotypical people don’t have the issues with communication that ASD people do and so get an instinctive, innate set of rules to guide them in communicating and empathising with other people while we... don’t. Hence why ABA is usually mentioned as being useful for ASD people in order to ‘correct’ this (hiss-hiss, bad logic here, stop trying to fix and instead provide new tools for us hiss-hiss)

Repetition is a thing and people will hate us for it. Words, gestures, expressions, all of it. They may all be repeated constantly for days, hours, weeks, months, by ASD children. Some don’t do the ‘pretend play’ most children do, others repeat the same pretend play over over

Change is evil and it’s hard as heck for ASD children to adapt to when it’s random and unexpected. Stimming behaviour or meltdowns aren’t uncommon at this point - flapping hands, covering ears and screaming/crying - because there has been a rapid change in the environment or structure and our tiny ASD brains do not like the change and want the order and routine we’ve come to identify and enjoy because order is relaxing. 

3. Am I Autistic?

Honestly, best answer I can give to anyone besides the shrug emoji a half-dozen times (seriously, I will do this to ya’ll) is I don’t know.

Being Autistic isn’t so much a “one day I woke up and suddenly I was Autistic” like it can be with depression. It’s more of a “one day I woke up and realised, ‘hey maybe I’m Autistic because X, Y, and Z’”. 

Note: There are some cases of people experiencing brain injuries and becoming Autistic but that’s more as a result of their brain going “shit shit shit, must redirect current to new pathways, shit shit shit” and less a natural, biological or genetic predisposition towards the disorder.

Additional Note: I really hate the word ‘disorder’ and want to slap myself every time I use it, but I digress.

4. How do I go about getting a Formal Diagnosis?

I got diagnosed purely by chance if I’m honest. As a child my mother took me to our local GP who said I was “two years advanced” and that was that until I hit 15, ended up in counselling and was self-harming regularly because hey-ho near-death experiences are really traumatic, who knew! My diagnosis then wasn’t regular or uniform, even though my elder brother is Autistic as well as there’s actual research suggesting a genetic heritability for ASD in siblings of Autistic individuals and their parents but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Anyway. Moving on!

In the UK, most of the time you can just go to your local GP and say “hey I think I’m Autistic, can you refer me to a specialist on this?” and, while they might argue or try and quiz you themselves about it, they don’t really have the right to refuse you (though they can and often do... assholes).

If you’re in school, or have someone you think is Autistic in education at present, you can go through the school to get a referral. Sometimes this can be quicker/easier or can help kick your GP’s ass into gear and get the ball rolling.

One of the things that exist in the UK is a Speech and Language Therapist. I’ve seen these guys twice in my short life - once when I knocked out my two front teeth like a champ and couldn’t talk properly for ages (I was a stupid child), and the second time when I was mentally messed up and they went “huh, think she’s Autistic ya know” and things rolled from there. In my experience, they’re pretty good and the tests they give you are also pretty decent.

You’re measured on emotional intelligence, watched for how you speak, expressions, if you include people in conversations, how much you talk, if you allow other people to join in or if you monologue and other things. You’ll get asked about your interests and if you ramble for twenty minutes or sth, chances are they’ll be ticking a box labelled “shows intense interests in specific topics” and you’ll have another mark in your Autism checklist.

5. Okay, so I didn’t read any of this, give me the low-down?

Autism is an disorder that affects social skills and usually involves lots of repetitive behaviour. 

It’s diagnosed by a medical professional with experience of the disorder. 

I only know how the UK goes about with diagnosing it but logic says America needs to work somewhat similarly.

If you think you have Autism, chances are you do, and you’ve had it for a long time and been coping without realising.

AutismSpeaks is evil and needs to go die in a fire.

That is all :)

[00001100x-blog]

7:07; 150702

To my dearest baobei, my one and only Senpai #0,

Hi. If ever you’re wondering on why this started at July second, it’s because I kind of failed trying to type down what I wanted to say back in July first.

Actually, I’m not a fan of sending letters repeatedly because I have a tendency to write down the same things I wrote from the previous one and of course, it is boring just reading  the same stuff over and over again. But right now, I’m going to write something new. Some things I have never told you back on my previous letter.I don’t really know what I’ll be putting in here because as I told you in my previous letter, my ideas vanishes whenever I try to write you something. I don’t know why but they seem to hate me. ene

How many twelves has it been? Why does it feel like an eternity? Actually, I don’t really like celebrating this kind of things because I don’t want to measure how long we’ve been together but I just counted with a loud voice right now. February, March, April, May, June, July. From March, there were five twelves. (I actually panicked bcs I forgot March and April and I kept on counting February, May, June, July. /shot/)

I don’t know if I have told you that I actually planned on asking you on exactly Valentine’s Day and for some reasons, I was two days earlier. (But it was a good thing bcs became busy two days later) Idek why I’m telling you this but I’m really embarrassed right at this moment. Why did you do this to me I used to be nonchalant about being honest why am I so embarrassed right now this is not fair.

I don’t really know how this letter will go because I’m pretty sure this will be even more fucked up and gay unlike last time because this time, I promised to be as honest as I could and I don’t break my man words. I never break my man words. #mnalymannam

So yes, you have plastic surgeried into a J—Lee Taegyun and what the heck. Why do you look so much cuter for some reason? (I still haven’t forgiven that person who sent me a ton of your pictures okay. ene) What do you think would have happened if nanay Taeng didn’t expose your profile? Would we be reprimanded/ reported for yaoi-ing? /shot again/ Well, actually we were yaoi since the start so I don’t think it’s going to be a big issue. (I need my meds right now I think i’m getting mentally unstable again otl /shot)

I actually still am adjusting to your character change tbqh so I’m sorry if ever I don’t mention any names or misspell your name and mix it with Ambo. It takes me days (and even weeks) to adjust and I think I’m slowly getting into it though so I guess it wouldn’t be so hard anymore. unu

-8:13 -

-17:04-

If you have realized, there’s a reaaaaally huge gap on the time where I started and when I continued but you have been talking to me in between those hours. I don’t know why but I can’t really focus on writing this while I’m talking to you lately ‘cause I have been treating our time when we’re together so precious ‘cause we can’t talk as often as before unlike a few weeks ago where we had all the time for ourselves.

I kind of miss it.

You know, just… talking to you the whole day and acting so cute to “disturb” you. (I still think that I look so werd and that it’s stupid whenever I pretend to be a kitty/ puppy but I’m actually enjoying it whenever you’re all “omg u cute let me hug you ily eric” on me. /shot bcs why does this sound so weird)

Honestly, now that we’re a little more occupied, I just want to…

cLING ON YOUR LEG AND TELL YOU HOW MUCH I MISS YOU AND HOW MUCH I WANTED TO BE WITH YOU BUT CAN’T.

I don’t know with myself a hahahah a goodbye why do I sound like a child this is unfair i wanted to sound manly. D8

wHAT ELSE SHOULD I WRITE DOWN…

OH YEAH THAT-

You have been posting links on my wall and I know I tend to ignore some of them but I only ignore them bcs I’m on mobile and I wanted to see/ watch them first before giving my reactions on it. So yes, don’t feel so bad if I do so, Okay? unu

I know I tend to joke around and tell you I’d do really weird things (Like spilling your pictures to the whole sbliss community) but I don’t really mean all of them, okay? Just a few. I also don’t mean harm, okay. I only do that because… um… because I want attention. ouo

How am I saying this without getting so embarrassed though, I—

I’m going to get some air and cry at myself as I ponder on what I just typed and why I am typing this-

-18:27-

-9:04; 150703-

Okay, so as I said earlier, I have been bullying you a lot lately and I know at times I juust go overboard and do weird things. If you don’t like it though, just tell me to stop, ok? Because I don’t want you mad at me or anything unu. At times, I just don’t get the situation so easily. I’m just too dumb to handle at times. I’m sorry. Tbh, I don’t know how you deal with me whever I act like a kid and just annoy you the whole time. /shot/ I’m really sorry for being like this. Really.

I also know that whenever I play around and pretend as Tao and just blurt out really weird and cheesy crap like last time gets you in trouble (Like hurting yourself bcs I’m pretty sure you almost jumped off your seat while trying not to scream and squeal and contain all the feels last night). Tbh idk but I pretty much got a lil jealous when I found out you did bcs tao mentioned and Idk. I just… yeah. That.

And speaking of jealous, Forgive me if ever I suddenly say that I would “burn this /insert name/ guy right here”. It’s just that I really gET EASILY JEALOUS IDEK WHY BRB SOBBING AT MYSELF THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING WHERE IS MY MANLY NOW. But it’s true that I would gladly want to burn them men (and girls included at times tbqh) without any second thought.

Edit: I will seriously rip wonho’s head tho. ouo

But I’m a good boy so I won’t actually do it. ouo

-10:52 -

-9:09; 150704-

Okay. So yesterday, I just made the bravest decision in my life.

I have been the forbidden peach named Huang Zitao. Actually, I was really going to change even if I can’t change my name but that will be on the sixth.

Yes, on your birthday. Wow. Why am I even telling you this oh my gA

I don’t really plan on bullying you to be honest. I just want to legalize my AB puns. /shot so hard rn there’s blood everywhere/ And to be younger and not labelled a grandpa- /shot again- hEAD SHOT DOUBLE KILL/

I just realized that it has been days and it still hasn’t been as long as my last letter. For some reasons, I actually wanted it to be longer than the last one so hopefully it’ll be but I’m pretty sure you’ll get so bored in the middle of this and fall asleep at me since you’re a bear and all you do is sleep. /shot/ jkjk ily baobei

But really though. This letter is typed on microsoft word, Arial, size 8 and it’s only been two pages with 1,300+ words. It’s so short. And I was planning to add a thousand more to my word count goal. (So at least 3,000 words. Wow. I can make a novel with the letters I’m sending you xD)

So to make it longer, I will just tell you the cheesiest and most cringe- worthy puns and pickup lines I will hear and watch over on the next few days. I wanted to sound a little romantic but I just can’t. For some reasons, I just sound so lame whenever I do that.

And by lame, I meant so lame that people will just stare at me with a poker face and say “u kidding me bro?”

Yep.

oH I FOUND THIS POEM LIKE THING I KIND OF WROTE WHEN I WAS BORED.

But it isn’t as cheesy as the things I send you, alright. I’m just trying to sound like I’m gonna spoil you so much one day.

I don’t know if I should send you the whole thing but then I re-read it and laughed because there was a line that said: “I’ll make sure to time travel back to the Jurassic era to get you a dinosaur or ten”. I might have missed taking meds that day because time travelling sounds im—Wait- It’s not impossible for me now I just have to activate Tao pow—I think I’ve lost it- ouo

-10:20-

-10:47; 150707-

I haven’t been writing in this document for two/ three days because I was busy and I had to do a lot of other stuff but hERE I AM YAY AFTER A MILLION YEARS—

Alright, what else should I say?

So yes, I know I have rEALLY lacked a lot. I know at times I am a lil wimpy and I only know how to be logical and I really don’t fight back to people (Because if I do I’ll get back the worse way possible and I admit that I’m a nerd that’s why I don’t fight back) and you kind of saved my butt when the bs fight happened. unu (Truth is that I’m tired talking to her tbh and I’m not good at insulting others in front of their faces. /shot/ Also, I act like a kid a lot of times- Tell me if I’m getting annoying okay I just— idk why i’m doing it when I get really embarrassed doing aegyo on other people-

-11:51-

-13:34-

Warning: You’ll find the word sorry a lot from this point on.

If you don’t know, I’ve been trying to write something during my free time that’s why some are cliff- hanger-ed and some are just damn short. (Like your height. jkjk ily baobei) tbh, I feel bad about that- Not being able to write you something as long as my previous letter. You know that I get mad at myself if I fuck up or if I didn’t get things right. I actually am a little upset at myself for not being able to write paragraphs and paragraphs of cheese that I have promised myself to write in this letter.

I guess I failed again.

I’m sorry for always being like this okay? I just think I should do better the next time and surpass what I have done the last time. This is why I wanted to write at least 3,000 words because 2,700 is not enough. I just need to do much more for some reason. Honestly, I don’t even know why I have the need to do that when I barely challenged myself into something. Maybe it’s just not enough?

I still am wondering on why I still remember most of the things you tell me. Useless or not. (Yes, I still remember it. It’s red. You told me to forget but it just crossed my mind again.) I really am so sorry if I use it against you at times and teasing you about them. I just—you’re just so cute whenever I tease you and I can’t help but tease you more because you’re so cute. So much kawaii pls u kawaii. You’re a living kawaii god. /whispers/ jesus.

I actually wanted to put the word “my” before “kawaii god” but it just doesn’t sound so right. Not in a dirty way, though- But it kind of sounds as if I’m actually worshipping you and that’s just too extreme and it sounds a lil obsessed. (I wouldn’t mind worshipping you tho if you want to eue /shot/) It’s not that I don’t love you, okay. I just don’t want to sound so obsessed and weird though I’m pretty sure I would end up planking in the middle of the road and scream your name out in agony as the cars beep at me because I’m causing a traffic jam when you’re not around.

I think I’m a little overreacting right now and I should stop doing that.

sEE WHAT YOU DID TO ME YOU MADE ME THIS GAY I WASN’T THIS GAY BEFORE. unu

-13:58-

-17:02; 150709-

I blabber a lot of nonsesnse sometimes ok and it doesn’t mean that I do them on purpose. I really don’t want to make you mad or anything. You shouldn’t mind me if I do that ok. unu

Also, please do tell me when you’re upset ok. It makes me feel a lil bit uneasy and want to go back to my man words and wanting to leave because I start to have thoughts that it would be better if I disappear. I’m sorry. At times I just get to be really depressed and i do things that are beyond stupid.

Shoot. My head is aching even more. Hahahaha

Anyways, so, yes, I don’t know what in the fuck is wrong with me that I keep on fucking things up and stuff. I also don’t know why I keep on saying sorry but I am really, really sorry. I’m so sorry no words can describe how sorry I am.

Isn’t this a creative letter? Hahaha Sorries are most likely 95% of my letter.

… And I said it would be really cheesy this time. /shot/

-17:31-

-15:39; 150711-

I should be really honest right now and say that I really was supposed to do a few paragraphs each day but I failed. It’s not because I was abandoning it, okay. It was because I prefer to Talk to you and hug you and stuff than write something here. I also wasn’t really planning on making you a letter this time but then I thought I couldn’t really do anything more than that because I pretty much suck at things that I’m supposed to be good at.

Like making good puns.

… In which I was never good at.

But my AB puns are still unbeatable okay, b AB. eue /sHOT RIGHT AT THE SPOT/

I really think you don’t need to read this whole letter tbqh because It’s just full of nonsense crap anyways. The main point here (again) is that I love you so much. Very muuuuch. Like this -> o <-Because circles doesn’t end and I just love you that much okay. unu

But I guess I should end this letter reaaaal soon.

What else should I say?

Yeah. I’m a little short of my own word limit and this is dumb because I said I’d write 3,000 words and get you so bored reading this but I guess I failed. unu

Whatever, though. I already feel accomplished as I have finished another letter once again.

I love you so much.

Even if you’re so mean and you bully me a lot and you like taking advantage of things especially when it comes to aegyo. /shot bcs semi- describing myself/

-20:25-

-13:46; 150712-

But I guess I shouldn’t end this just yet.

I really don’t want to say thank you and stuff because I’m pretty sure that I’m trying my best to show you how thankful I am that you existed in my life ok. You always make me feel that I’m important even if I’m a really annoying weirdo sometimes.

About that one we had a fight, by the way, I only said it wasn’t a big deal but to be honest there was one time I really begged people so I can get one ok. tHIS IS EMBARRASSING OH MY gOD. And of course I’m sure you know all about that because Sica tells you all the embarrassing things I tell her and do in front of her.

But really though, I deleted most of what I got except for yours pls.

-14:02-

-16:19-

Wow. I’m so out of words now.

Actually, I already had this letter done last night but then the urge of dragging it longer is just so biG.

All I really want to say is that I love you even if you’re mean and you like calling me cute even if I’m trying to be manly in front of you.

I love you even if you’re a really big klutz and you’re confused all of the time.

I love you even if you’re the most imperfect creature in this world bcs pls there is no flawless creature in this world.

I love you because you’re you so no matter how dumb you get jUST REMEMBER THAT I LOVE YOU OK.

And never forget that bcs if you do I will seriously just… sulk in a corner there because I’m unmanly enough to do something manly about that.

Yes. And no matter what happens, you’ll be my small, fragile and kawaii oppa. (Even though you’re really not an oppa. Stop confusing ppl pls they’re starting to think we’re gay tho it’s kind of true that we’re gay.)

And seriously, okay. I will try my best to protect you even though the truth is that you’re the one who saves my butt.

But yes, I want to tell you that I love you so much. Very much. So much that words can’t explain it anymore. It’s unfathomable. (what the fuck am I saying. Hahahaha /shot/)

Let me say it again,

I love you, Jung Daeun.

So much.

-16:30-

By Huang Zitao, 71215

Total words: 3,021(Time and emoticons included)

Pages: 5 (portrait) 6 (landscape)