#trying to make my fixation on the sims come back

[idollls]

UNFORGIVEN, I'M A VILLAN

[novy2sirius]

MERCURY HOUSE CORE ©novy2sirius

trigger warning: mental health issues, pedophilia, killing, physical health issues ☘️

this is just a random post abt things ppl with these placements could experience ☘️

these r only abt isolated placements so take it with a grain of salt bc the whole chart matters ☘️

a lot of these r experiences i’ve heard from my friends and ppl who’ve purchased readings from me directly ☘️

☿ mercury in 1h core

being diagnosed with more mental illnesses than u can count, being very intelligent which leads u to be anxious just by existing bc of all ur knowledge, saying things u don’t mean cuz u were angry, being told u have a youthful face, knowing a bunch of random facts abt things and telling ppl and them asking why tf u know that or care, hyper-fixating on things u can’t control, getting internet hate by simply existing, getting dmed sexual stuff by random weird dudes trying to prey on u (especially when ur younger), getting nauseous bc ur anxiety is so bad (especially before school), having sexy hands, skipping school to be on ur phone all day and do nothing, asking way too many questions bc of ur curiosity abt everything and annoying ppl (especially as a kid), giving ur opinion when no one asked for it, being told u could be a good rapper/singer, being rly good at flirting bc of ur charm, cussing a lot

☿ mercury in 2h core

being obsessed with mukbang/eating videos and then making urself rly hungry and being frustrated bc u can’t have the food they’re eating in the video, valuing ur own opinions more than others, not answering texts or calls bc ur too lazy to but then liking those same ppls posts on instagram, saying “um” too much or having a lot of pauses in between words bc ur a slow thinker, talking to ur toys as a kid when u were lonely, getting all ur food recipes from pinterest, buying online gift cards for ppl instead of putting effort into an actual gift/on the flip side if ur a more creative person putting a lot of thought into gifts, being good at making things from scratch, being more wealthy in online games than in real life, being obsessed w the papa’s food games on cool math as a kid, holding grudges against ppl who kill u on roblox, liking scents that smell like food or scents that make u smell rich/boujee, always making money, making money online

☿ mercury in 3h core

double texting bc u have sm to say and will forget abt it if u don’t type it immediately, being able to get lots of followers on social media, being gossiped abt online, being a huge reader, enjoying hearing abt other ppls drama but not wanting to be in any, having a child-like energy (this can be in a positive or negative way depending on what vibration ur at in life), saying childish things in arguments when ur at a lower vibration (example: meh meh meh :p), drama following u wherever u go, aging well, being obsessed with sims, not believing things unless there’s very good reasoning to back them up, being able to communicate well, being a talented writer, forming all ur opinions from ur older siblings (if u have any), math or literature being ur favorite subject, being a good driver, enjoying traveling but not for too long bc u get tired quickly of it, being charming af, being witty and quickly thinking of good jokes

☿ mercury in 4h core

posting all ur feelings on social media or going thru that emo phase in middle school where u would post those sad lyric vids on ur snapchat, ur family gossiping abt u a lot and u overhearing it in the next room, having a super low pain tolerance, enjoying watching self care vids, getting baby fever after seeing tiktoks of cute babies, being a rly good person to come to if someone needs a comfort person, living in an rv/camper at some point in ur life, telling ur mom everything and her giving u advice abt certain situations but then u don’t listen and she ends up being right abt the whole thing, coming to ur mom for advice on everything in general, ur mom being more childish than u, being able to write stories that readers rly emotionally relate to a lot, ur mom having videos of u still up on her facebook from when u were little that still haunt u to this day

☿ mercury in 5h core

being creative as hell, being a natural performer, having a fun childlike energy, being a huge risk taker and thrill seeker, being a talented actor, being rly good at video games and possibly becoming famous from playing them, living for the drama but not wanting to be a part of it, downloading tinder and not knowing y u don’t just delete it, being sassy, being told ur trying to hard to be the main character but u literally r the main character and can’t help that, not having ur first love until ur an adult and only experiencing puppy love in ur youth, going to a bunch of concerts, being turned on by wattpad stories and feeling like a whore bc of it, flirting w ppl online and then being scared to say anything to them in person when u see each other, being a good driver

☿ mercury in 6h core

ppl saying u come off super innocent (even if ur not), constantly doing things for others even when they don’t give the same energy in return, being obsessed with improving ur health or with videos online abt being healthy/fit, feeling awful before going to school bc it gives u horrible anxiety and makes u feel like ur gonna puke, thinking ur gonna get a stroke every time u have a normal headache (and being a hypochondriac in general), not functioning without consistency in ur life, having an entire pinterest board of cute animals, being good with animals, being obsessed w ur hygiene and feeling nasty when u don’t shower everyday, weirdly loving medical shows such as greys anatomy, having a lot of stomach issues

☿ mercury in 7h core

convincing ppl to do things with ur charm, wanting to tell ppl something and be honest with them but being too scared bc u don’t want them to hate u and r constantly afraid u’ll hurt them, copying ur romantic partners slang/ur partners copying urs, meeting lovers online, dating or marrying gemini/virgo placements, having age gaps in ur relationships, getting into a lot of conflicts online, ur ex partner/ex best friends posting abt u and subbing u (not saying ur name directly but talking abt u) online after u have a fallout, flirting with ppl on club penguin or roblox when u were younger, changing ur opinions easily based on what ur partner or close friends think, dating ppl when ur too young to even drive, posting a lot abt ur relationship online

☿ mercury in 8h core

analyzing ppl well and understanding them before anyone else does, ppl randomly telling u their deepest darkest secrets when u didn’t even ask, being interested in the way ppls minds work which leads u to become obsessed w books abt psychology/astrology/tarot/etc, starting to masturbate from a rly young age that’s almost concerning, having a lot of mental health issues bc of ur childhood trauma, using dark humor as a way to cope with ur trauma, not realizing how much trauma u’ve went thru until someone verbally tells u that u’ve been thru a lot (usually a therapist), being a tomboy as a kid, being obsessed with true crime, being told ur mysterious, saying out of pocket shit that has high shock value, being stalked online

☿ mercury in 9h core

having a more optimistic mindset than everyone around u, enjoying traveling a lot, wanting to leave ur hometown as soon as possible, driving when traveling instead of taking a plane cuz u don’t wanna pay for the flight, majoring in communications or something involving technology or literature, having an interest in other cultures more than ur own, coming off as intelligent bc of the way u talk and ur mannerisms, being told that u could be a good lawyer from a young age, being a good interviewer, knowing multiple languages, having logical ethics, being a comedian, being an amazing story teller

☿ mercury in 10h core

trying to keep ur daily life private and ppl still getting in ur business, being able to influence the public easily bc they seem to care a lot abt what u say, being famous on social media, being a famous singer, rumors being spread abt u to the public, having a talent for teaching others, having goals that u set as a kid that u feel u must fulfill, having a career involving cars, having a career involving technology, having a career involving writing/literature, being seen as someone who’s intelligent (especially in ur workplace), having dad humor, coming off as a know it all (10h is associated with experts and mercury is the thinking/the mind), being known for ur humor and how funny u r, playing online games that involve having a job such as papa’s freezeria

☿ mercury in 11h core

having random bursts of creative ideas and doing crazy stuff like writing an entire movie and then literally forgetting abt it the next day, ur best friends being ur siblings, having the most random thought processes, being able to make friends easily, having lots of online friends, being clumsy as hell, having a fan page/editing page when u were younger, being known as “the weird kid” in school (this doesn’t mean it’s always in a bad way tho it can mean in a unique/fun way), being popular online, having unique mannerisms, having a unique voice/unique speech patterns, being a good rapper, being dragged into online drama, cussing a lot, saying random things out of nowhere like ice bear from we bare bears, having a lot of ideas that r unique bc u think outside of the box, having unique perceptions, constantly changing ur mind abt things

☿ mercury in 12h core

speaking/writing things into existence with minimal effort, being obsessed with the feeling of nostalgia and making urself feel it then regretting it bc it hurts, ppl interrupting u and talking over u a lot, ppl ignoring what ur saying and making u feel like a ghost, having a huge interest in spiritual things, manipulating and lying a lot when at a lower vibration, being bullied (especially as a kid/in school), feeling lonely even when ur literally socializing or at a social function, having an astrology account, having more online friends than friend’s in person, daydreaming a lot in social settings (and in general), gaslighting ppl when at a lower vibration, being able to speak to the dead thru ur dreams, hearing ppl talking when ur half asleep, sleep walking, being sensitive to things ppl say but trying to hide it, healing ppl through ur words, hiding ur true thoughts abt someone, hiding ur true intentions, having strong emotional intelligence when at a high vibration, easily figuring out what someone’s feeling, being able to do rly good impressions

[luizd3ad]

Game Time | Poly!Bartylus x GN!Reader

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 ࣪˖⤷ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ ࣪ ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 ˖ ⤷

Pairing: Barty Crouch Jr x GN Reader x Regulus Black

WC: 700

CW: swearing, mentions of Bartys dad 🤢, modern AU, mistreatment of Sims, anxiety

Author's Note: Honestly I just got this idea bc my sims hyper fixation is coming back. The little bit of French that’s in here I got from google please tell me if it’s wrong.

Summary: Regulus comes home to you and Barty playing the sims.

Someone tell me to stop making theses for ever fic please. I won't listen but someone should still tel me.

【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】

Regulus had spent the day with Sirius, just catching up. 

They've been finding it harder to do so since leaving Hogwarts so they try to make it a priority to see each other as often as possible. 

He did enjoy spending time with his brother but right now all he wanted to do was go home to his partners. 

You and Barty were like a breath of fresh air to him after his social battery was drained. Just being in the presence of both of you was enough to make him feel better. 

Regulus finally crossed the threshold to his shared flat. He took his shoes and jacket off at the entrance and put them in their designated places.

But then he noticed the flat was quiet which was rare considering Barty lived there.

“Mon amours? I’m home?”

Regulus called out looking around the flat curiously. 

No one was in the living room. He didn't hear anyone in the kitchen. 

He started walking down the hall that held their shared bedroom and the guest room/ office when he heard them.

“Angel, I love you but you're wrong!”

“Watch it Crouch! Or you'll end up in the basement next..”

Regulus was only slightly taken back when he heard his partner say that to their boyfriend. 

Honestly it wouldn't be the first time he heard them say something like that.

Barty then gasped and started shirking something about ‘Never feeling so betrayed’ which was something Barty would say often. 

Regulus took a deep breath mentally preparing himself and then opened the door to the office, he couldn't help but let out a soft chuckle at the sight in front of him.

There they were, the loves of his life hunched over the computer playing the muggle game that Remus had shown them.

‘The Sims’ he thinks it was called, but he couldn't quite remember. 

“Barty.. Did you take the ladder out of the pool again?”

Barty then gasped as if the thought was inconceivable. 

“What would make you think such a thing, angel?”

“I mean other than the fact that you've done it before? The sim’s name is Bartemius Crouch and he looks exactly like your father.”

Barty then giggles looking proud of himself. 

“Leave him there he deserves it.”

Barty says with a wide smile.

Regulus chuckles a little louder this time and shakes his head finally catching the attention of his partners.

You and Barty both turn your heads to look at Regulus. 

You send him a big smile and say.

“Hi my love, how's Sirius?”

“Sirius is fine. Now what are you two doing?”

Regulus say still standing in the doorway of the room.

“I'm trying to show our darling boyfriend that there's more to The Sims than killing the people that you wish you could kill in real life.”

“And I'm trying to show our angel that killing people in the game is the most fun you can have.”

“Wait, so you make the characters people you actually know?”

You and Barty look at each other and then look at Regulus with raised eyebrows.

“Obviously.”

Barty says looking at Regulus like it should be common sense.

“Wait so you have a character of me?”

“Of course we do.”

You say then turning back to the computer clicking on the mouse a few times and then waving Regulus over to show him a big house with sims of the three of you.

“Is this supposed to be our house?”

“Yes. Unfortunately we’re not all technically dating on here, since that's not an option.”

You explain while Barty crosses his arms while pouting and saying.

“Which is stupid.” 

Regulus just smiles at Barty and kisses his head. 

“It’s okay ​mon beau because we’re dating in real life.”

Regulus says while running his hand through his boyfriend's hair.

You and Barty spent the rest of the night showing Regulus your favorite parts of the game. 

Regulus found himself having a good time whether it was just because he got to spend time with the two of you or because he actually found the game entertaining he didn't know nor did he care.

He was just content and happy to be there.

【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】

[georgiebrits]

Chaconne - Sim Jake

You're in Jake's bedroom, wearing nothing but a seductive smile and a black lacy bra and panty set. Jake is sitting on his bed, his eyes fixated on you as you sway your hips to the beat of the music. You lock eyes with Jake as you slowly peel off your bra, revealing your perky breasts. He can't take it anymore and he jumps up to join you.

Jake eagerly steps closer and starts to mimic your movements, his hands tracing the curves of your body as you undress. "You're so beautiful," he says, his voice low and full of desire. You respond by turning around and grinding your ass into his crotch, feeling his hardness against you.

Jake's hands move up to cup your breasts, squeezing them gently as he speaks, "I've wanted you for so long. Seeing you like this, in my room, it's like a dream come true." You moan softly in response, feeling his erection grow harder against you.

“Are there more dreams you wish to come true?” You ask while winking.

Jake nods eagerly, his hands moving lower to grip your ass, "Yes, I want to feel you all over, taste you, make you scream my name." You can't help but let out a breathy moan at his words, feeling your own desire begin to build.

Jake nods eagerly, his hands moving lower to grip your ass, "Yes, I want to feel you all over, taste you, make you scream my name." You can't help but let out a breathy moan at his words, feeling your own desire begin to build.

You gasp as Jake pulls you onto the bed, his hands roaming over your body as he begins to eat you out. You arch your back, moaning louder and louder as he expertly flicks his tongue over your clit, sending waves of pleasure through your body. "Fuck, Jake...you're so good at this," you moan, gripping the sheets tightly as he continues to eat you out.

As Jake adds his fingers, you can't help but moan even louder, your hips bucking up to meet his every movement. You grasp his hair tightly, pulling him closer to your throbbing center as you ride the edge of your orgasm. "Oh, god, don't stop," you cry out, your fists clenching on the sheets. Jake grins up at you, his eyes shining with lust as he works you closer and closer to the edge.

Your body trembles with pleasure as you reach your climax, moaning Jake's name over and over again. He comes up and kisses you, his lips tasting of your arousal as you desperately try to remove his clothes. "I need you," you pant, pulling him close and grinding yourself against his rock-hard erection. Jake growls, his hands grasping your hips as he positions himself at your entrance. "I'm gonna take you so hard," he murmurs, pushing inside you with one swift motion.

You gasp as Jake angles himself just right, hitting that sweet spot inside you that sends you into fits of pleasure. He grins down at you as he goes slow and steady, making sure to hit that spot again and again as he drives you wild with desire. You arch your back, your hands clawing at his back as you beg for more, for him to go harder and faster. "You feel so good," Jake growls, his own breathing ragged as he loses himself in the moment.

Jake's grip on your thigh tightens as he thrusts into you harder and faster. Your moans fill the room as he pounds into you with abandon, his fingers digging into the soft flesh of your thigh. He leans down to kiss you, his lips trailing down your neck as he whispers how good you feel, and how much he wants you. He grinds his pelvis against yours, the friction sending you higher and higher towards the edge.

Suddenly, Jake pulls out of you and flips you over onto your hands and knees. He gives your ass a sharp smack, making you yelp in surprise and delight. Without any warning, he plunges back into you, making you scream out his name. His hips slap against yours rhythmically as he drives into you with all his might, the delicious pleasure making you see stars. "You like that, huh?" he growls, his fingers gripping your hips tightly as he pumps into you harder and harder. He pulls your head back by your hair, his lips trailing down your neck as he kisses you roughly. The sound of skin slapping against skin fills the air as he takes you hard, his pace becoming more frenzied with each passing second.

As Jake continues to pound into you, his thrusts becoming more and more urgent, he pauses to give your ass another sharp smack. This time, the sudden pain mixes with the intense pleasure, making your head spin. You feel yourself teetering on the edge of an explosive orgasm as he spanks you again in between thrusts. The sensation of his hard cock filling you up, combined with the stinging pleasure of his spanks, is too much to handle. You let out a loud cry as you finally reach your climax, your body convulsing with pleasure as Jake continues to thrust into you, prolonging the ecstasy. Finally, with a loud grunt, he releases himself inside you, collapsing onto your back as the two of you bask in the afterglow of your intense lovemaking.

“Next time you will be the one dancing,” You say out of breath.

Jake chuckles as he catches his breath, his arms still wrapped tightly around you. "Oh, I don't know about that," he says, grinning mischievously. "I don't think I could resist stripping you down again, you look so damn sexy in that lingerie." You feel a blush spread across your cheeks at his words, but you can't help but feel a little excited at the thought of dancing for him again. "Well, maybe we could take turns," you suggest, winking at him. "I'll strip for you one night, and then you can strip for me the next." Jake grins and pulls you closer. "Deal," he says, planting a soft kiss on your lips. "But for now, let's just enjoy the moment."

[onetruesirius]

I sit here and I watch the news about Gaza

and I think

shit, I need to get back to work;

it's toxic to just fixate on the news,

It's bad for my mental health.

I can't be irresponsible to myself

I have class in the morning.

I have exams next week...

But how can I turn a blind eye?

How can I not care

that nine thousand Gazan children are dead,

that the Israeli Occupation Force has dropped the equivalent of an atomic bomb

on a space about the size of the New York City metropolis,

that an episcopal church was bombed—

it was one of the oldest churches in the world,

that one of the oldest mosques in the region was destroyed

that hospitals are being shelled with doctors and patients still within,

that men are carrying pieces of their dead children out of houses in plastic grocery bags because there's no other way to carry that many pieces in their hands,

that over a million people were told to evacuate on bombed-out roads,

and then they were shot and bombed with USAmerican white phosphorus when trying to leave?

Do you know what white phosphorus does to a human body?????

Please google it.

And if you "don't want to see something like that"

Oh,

I want you to google it even more now.

just to be appropriately horrified.

How can I not see that the Israeli government doesn't see Palestinian people [THEIR people if we're going by statehood metrics, who were on that land when the BRITISH GOVERNMENT decided to make the state] as human beings,

that they'd do anything to slaughter Palestinians under the cover of radio silence so the world turns away?

And that men wail from minarets—

not to call their flock to holy prayer but

to speak messages of hope that god will save them,

to attempt to reach the outside world, when the information reaches the people at the edge of the strip, who have international SIM cards and can get the word out,

and to deliver news of where the bombs fall so that paramedics can know where to dig more bodies out—the bodies that aren't a bloody slurry sprayed across the streets and walls, anyways.

And that journalists are being executed en masse to hide the story.

And that men are being stripped naken and forced to sit on the ground for hours at a time, just like in Nazi Germany.

And I can't forget the fact that the United States, MY NATION, voted AGAINST a UN call for a ceasefire...

TWICE.

And that construction companies are already tearing down the old apartments to make room for new living arrangements for the colonisers, before the old buildings even stop burning.

And that settlers are coming into these abandoned homes and looting food and jewelry and desecrating prayer rugs.

And it isn't the fault of Jewish people.

I know that.

Jewish people deserve a place to be safe and free, wherever they are...

But this fact likewise does not require the creation of an ethnostate.

The implication that the only way for Jewish people to be safe is to kill everyone else... is it not in itself antisemitic?

I'm scared for the Palestinian people, and also for my Jewish diaspora friends.

They hate what's going on just as much as I do,

but they're going to get blamed by well-meaning Palestine supporters.

I know they will.

They know they will.

We all know that they will.

Another wave of antisemitism.

Another wave of islamophobia.

Another wave of killings.

Another wave of ethnic cleansing.

On it goes.

A little boy was already killed by his mother's racist landlord in Chicago. Stabbed 26 times.

Three college students were attacked and one was maimed for life.

Attacks against synagogues here in the US have only increased. Two people were shot, allegedly for a Free Palestine...

But we all know that the neonazis have been using this mess to stir the pot against Jewish people and boost their recruitment.

The Palestinian 2023/24 school year has been officially canceled going forward.

Because the enrolled students are dead or missing.

Because they were bombed with American ground-to-ground missiles.

We all know the missiles are American in origin.

Russia has its own genocide to attend to, and China doesn't care enough to give arms to anyone. And we know it's American White Phosphorus.

All the while, war profiteers in my nation get richer and richer,

richer and richer and richer,

and richer and richer and richer and richer and richer and richer—

and they'll laugh like the evil FUCKING pricks that they are

when Gaza gets bombed,

and they'll laugh like the evil FUCKING pricks that they are

when Jewish people get attacked in the streets,

because every act of violence

and every sentiment of hated

fills their pockets with more and more and more US-AMERICAN DOLLARS and GUNS and BOMBINGS and SHOOTINGS and HATRED and GOD BLESS AMERICA—

or something like that

.

.

.

I've signed petitions.

I've signed so many I've lost track of the ones I've signed and the ones I haven't, the ones for other countries that I can repost but can't sign or they might get tossed out.

I've donated money to relief organizations for when the borders re-open, because I'm an optimistic bastard like that.

I've sent emails.

I've sent... so many emails.

I've called all my Representatives in Congress.

I've spread news to as many of my friends as I can without them blocking me.

And still Gaza burns.

And still children are slaughtered, even during the fake ceasefire.

And still I have exams next week.

And still I think about how I really shouldn't fixate on this, because it affects my mood.

and it's been impacting my performance at school.

and it's been undoing months of work I've done with my therapist to try and disconnect from current events.

And still I think about how

"the current events"

rain down like hellfire on innocent mothers of dead children,

and children of dead mothers,

and sisters of dead brothers,

and brothers of dead sisters,

and fathers of dead babies,

and babies of dead fathers,

and teachers of dead students,

and students of dead teachers,

and churches and pastors,

and mosques and imams,

and hospitals and doctors,

and synagogues and rabbis,

and the fucking relief trucks that were filled with food and water.

And here I sit, and I don't know what to do about it????

And I wonder if this is all the point?

To make things worse and worse and worse and worse so that people are so unbearably exhausted from just trying to do the right thing

that they can't take care of themselves?

That they can't achieve upwards mobility?

That they can't make any difference at all for the things that matter most to them?

but I'm just one monkey...

one monkey can't solve systemic problems

that are baked into the roots of our society.

It's a first world problem, for sure. I have the privilege to be able to unplug from this and rest in my bed and not get bombed.

But I just want to make things better, for everyone...

I know that I can't do that.

But I wish I could

Oh, god—

I wish I could.

But I guess I'll just go to sleep.

After all

I have class in the morning.

[rge-nini]

15:21 (S.JY)

pairing: jake sim x reader

word count: 1078

tags: fluff, best friends to lovers, mutual pining, study date

a/n: this was my first (and only) timestamp lmao. originally posted on @heelvsme

"When you solve this equation you have to use X and Y on this other one." Your best friend was looking at your worksheet over your shoulder, right hand holding the pencil he was using to point at the numbers and letters, while his left one rested on the back of your chair as he stood behind you. The explanation he was giving to you soon got lost, his words becoming nothing but background noise as you could only focus on his proximity and the way his breath tickled your neck and cheeks as he spoke. Your eyes fixated on the paper laying on the table, the numbers and letters meaning nothing to you when you closed your eyes, as if that would make your feelings for Sim Jaeyun -your best friend- go away.

When you opened your eyes his hand appeared in front of them, moving up and down as he tried to get your attention back. "You there?" You could practically hear the grin on his face when he spoke, which made you throw your hand back, hoping to hit him on the shoulder, the 'ow' he let out letting you know you hit your target. "I deserved it?" The chuckle that left his mouth made butterflies appear on your stomach as you turned around to face him. "Yeah, yeah." You waved your hand dismissively. "Can you explain it again? I got a little distracted." You admitted, looking away from his face and missing the way his eyes drifted to your lips for a moment before coming back up.

"Of course." He smiled even if you weren't looking, this time choosing to sit by your side instead of standing, hands reaching for the paper on the table. "Pay attention this time." He joked earning him another hit on the shoulder as he laughed at the expected reaction. "I hate you." You glared at him and this time it was him that missed the way you eyed his lips, his eyes on the math problem he was helping you with. A part of you hoped he would catch you looking, and little did you know he did too, maybe that way you would move on, be it because of rejection or because a move was finally made. 

A few minutes later the grip you had on your pencil loosened, making it fly away as you threw your hands in the air. "I can't do this anymore, it's time for a break." You declared, making Jake turn his attention away from his own work, now focused on you. "It's barely 3 pm." It almost sounded as if he was complaining, something that wouldn't surprise you due to his love for math. "And? I think it's time to watch a movie or something." You crossed your arms over your chest, a frown on your face trying to show how serious you were and he called your name in warning. "It's finals week, we agreed to study all day." And with that he turned back to his notes and work, wanting to ignore the pout on your face and how he wanted to kiss it away.

“Why do we even need to study that much, you’ll ace it and I’ll pass.” You tried again, maybe waking up at 9 am on a sunday to study with Jake hadn’t been your brightest idea, especially since you couldn’t seem to stop getting distracted by your best friend doing the bare minimum. “Because I want you to ace it too.” Was his only explanation, yet it didn’t seem to convince you and he sighed. “Okay, just one movie.” The smile that adorned your face in response to his words was enough to make taking a break and risking your grades worth it. 

Not even half a minute had passed and you were already dragging him to the kitchen to get some snacks, the feeling of your hand holding his making him go red in the face. “Okay first snacks, then we’ll pick a movie and then ignore studying!” You turned around to see his reaction, the smile still on your face and the blush still on his. “You are red, do you feel sick?!” Only then you let go of his hand, reaching up to check his temperature by placing your hand on his forehead, the way you stood on the tip of your toes strangely endearing to him. “You are warm, I’ll get you some water.” You moved to get away from him but he reached out to stop you, his hand on your wrist as he pulled you back in, this time you noticed how he looked down to your lips for a moment doing the same just as his eyes met yours. “I’m so in love with you.” The man blurted out and by the way your eyes widened in surprise he realized he had actually said it instead of just thinking about it. “You love me?” Shock was written all over your face, and he worried you didn’t feel the same, eyes drifting to the floor as he spoke. “Have for a while.” He didn’t see the shock fade away into a smile, too busy wallowing in self pity at the idea you didn’t love him back and that he had ruined your friendship.. “I love you too Jake.” Your words broke his train of thought, now it was his turn to be shocked as he looked back up. “You do?” His eyes were filled with hope as he searched your face for any sign of it being a lie. “Yes, I realized it that day we ditched Jay and Sunghoon at that party and watched movies all night.”

He let go of your wrist, instead wrapping his arms around you and bringing you incredibly closer. “I was so scared I had ruined everything.” He spoke against your hair. “You could never ruin anything Jake." You chuckled against his chest as warmth spread across your cheeks. "So… Do you want to go out with me?" He asked, one of his arms moving away from your form as he scratched the back of his neck. "Right now?" You looked up at him. "Right now." He poked your nose in an affectionate way before wrapping his arm around you again. "What happened to studying all day?" You laughed at the face he made at the way you used his own words against him. "Then a study date it is."

[adventuringblind]

Norstappen idea since your desperate. I don’t claim to have good ideas tho, fair warning:

Max and Lando with a college athlete (would that even work????)

Max and lando taking care of adhd & independent reader who is incapable of staying in bed (due to adhd) and refuses to ask for help (independent)

Max and lando bickering about whose teams are better at sim racing/video games (quadrant vs redline) then subsequently getting their asses and their teams asses kicked by their streamer gf (idk enough about competitive video games for this I play for stories)

Lando and reader (?) comforting max about Jo’s and just general shitty family situation (& vice versa for shitty family for reader)

Hope this helps, these are not requests but ideas™️ as you said.

Now I sleep it’s 10:30 and I have work at 8.

Norstappen with a college athlete sounds chaotic at best. Since the only sport formula drivers are remotely good at is their own, I firmly believe they would try and fail at her area of expertise. Max would just be lazy and put minimal effort in where Lando would go overboard and end up hurting himself. all the while she is sat in the corner recording and wheezing in laughter.

I feel the independence thing on another level. Can't convince me Lando isn't ADHD coded either. Could see him scrambling around attempting to get things in order so she doesn't have to, but ultimately stressing himself out. Max would send him to go lay down with her and make sure she doesn't move by talking about her current hyper fixation (bonus if its something they can do in bed together). Max would work out meals, cleaning, and whatever else she could set her mind to that's not resting. When she inevitably does try to be productive, everything is done. Max stands there in the kitchen with his hands on his hips wondering why she isn't in bed and carries her back to Lando who is napping.

The streamer one just makes sense. This is an argument I can see them having irl and getting more and more ridiculous about it. Then their streamer girlfriend joins in just for the fun of it and demolishes both of them. It works like a charm every. single. time. They would absolutely fight over who gets to have her on their team and scream for her to come help them if they were losing or stuck somewhere.

Lando, as far as I can tell, has a decent relationship with his family. He would bring Max and their girlfriend around and Max does the thing where he jokes about trauma like it's normal. Subsequently, he is adopted by the Norris' and they start splitting their time between the McLaren and Redbull garages. If their girlfriend has a decent home life then I can see them welcoming Max in immediately. On the other hand, I usually write from a personal perspective... There is no way in hell Max and Lando would be letting their girlfriend around her parents alone if they have had a shit past with them. Max comes armed with a temper and glare and will not hesitate to set Lando off like a feral chihuahua. I also wouldn't put it past Lando to just be snarky to Jos any chance he gets. He doesn't care if there are cameras around. He just wants to make sure he gets his point across.

(Thanks for all the ideas!! Sorry I had this in my drafts for so long :/)

[moonshoon]

when you squirt for the first time

MASTERLIST

warnings: fem!reader, degrading words, slut shaming, sex tape, spanking

>> lee heeseung

“good girl” he whispered into your ear as he continued his trusts, slow and passionate. his hand was on your clit, stimulating it further. you were shaking underneath him, begging him to go faster. heeseung never liked when you beg, so he just leaned down and captured you lips in a loving kiss.

“close- so so close, hee!” you almost screamed as he hit all of the right spots inside of you. “come for me, doll. let me know how i am making you feel…” he whispered, the pressure of his fingers on you intensifying.

next moment you don’t know what’s happening, a weird but pleasurable feeling spreading through your body. and before you know there is clear liquid squirting from your cunt.

his thrusts stopped immediately as he felt the wet substance land on his torso. he completely forgot about his or your pleasure, just staring at you in disbelief.

his subby side would come out immediately and he would continue thrusting after he recovered from the shock. his face in your neck, whining about how he wants you to squirt another time and how he’s going to be your good boy if you do.

>> park jongseong

slap

“ten”

slap

“eleven”

slap

“twelve”

slap

“thirteen”

slap

“fourteen”

slap

“fifteen”

you were panting into the pillow as jay had you bent over his knee and spanked you for being a bad girl. you were sure he had told you a thousands of times about not to get too close to the other members, but you thought you were funny and did it over and over again.

and now you’re here, bent over his knee, trying to endure the harsh slaps landing on your ass. on top of that, he hasn’t touched you in almost half an hour, just caressing your ass and delivering smacks onto it from time to time.

“now you’re going to take me, no prep for you.” he positioned you how he wanted, chest and head down into the mattress, ass up in the air. 

as he slapped your ass one last time he entered you in one go, his thick shaft stretching you out. “good girl, take me so well...” he whispered into your ear, placing his hands on your waist to pull you back against him with every thrust.

and soon enough, you were close to your orgasm, trying to hold it in. “don’t you dare come without my permission!” you could still hear jay’s harsh words.

“please, please. let me come” you whimpered weakly, trying your best to make him change his mind. and since today he was feeling generous with you, even though you misbehaved, he groaned out a low “then do it.”

it didn’t take you five seconds to start convulsing under his big body. your legs were shaking, arms giving out and your head pressed into the matress, letting out a high pitched moan. 

one second you were there, next secod you didn’t know what was happening anymore as you started squirting all over jay’s dick, forcing it out with the pressure. jay held his dick, rubbing it over your folds as your liquids were squirting out of you. 

“good fucking girl. squirt for me” he said as he re-entered you and continued fucking you until he came. 

>> sim jaeyun

“who do you belong to, hm slut?” he said as he roughly pulled you up by your hair. your gaze was fixated on the camera on the shelf in front of you.

“you!”

“what’s my name? tell me my name so this fucker know who has you now.” he said as he slapped your cheek lightly.

“jake, sim jaeyun. i belong to you. please let me come now!” you were crying while begging at this point, not because you were hurt, but because he was making you feel things you never had before.

“go on.” he gave you permission “show him that i can do what he was never able to do. show him how much better i am.” he let out an animalistic growl as you started clenching around him. “fucking good for me.”

your staccato moans got louder as you reached your orgasm, clear fluid spraying out of you.

“see that. she’s squirting on my cock. i bet you never even made her come.” jake groaned out as he came inside of you, filling you up to the brim.

“i’ll make her pregnant and you have to watch her carry my baby to term.” you shuddered at the thought of being pregnant with jake’s child.

“never bother her again or i will show up at your doorstep to take care of you myself.” he said right before he ended the video.

>> park sunghoon

“so good for me~” he praised you as you were riding him, your breasts bouncing prettily in front of you and sunghoon hands cupping them from time to time. this guy really had something for boobs… at least your boobs.

after a while of you riding him he suddenly switched your positions so you were laying down under him, his celine necklace dangling in front of your face. he lifted your legs up onto his shoulders and pushed forward, so your knees were pressed against your chest.

for some reason he really loved this position, probably because he could get deeper inside of you than with any other position, or because he got to see your pretty, scrunched up face.

“so deep~” you moaned out as he sped up his thrusts, setting a steady rhythm again. “going to make me come, hoon” you could feel him shiver at your words, hands beginning to roam all over your perfect body.

it didn’t take you long to come all over his cock, the knot in your stomach snapping as you squirted. his dick was forced out of you with the pressure, his eyes wide for a second.

he recovered quickly and let himself slide down in between your legs to catch the last bit of liquid gushing out of you on his tongue. “sweet…” he mumbled as he started eating you out.

“i never knew you could squirt babe…” he said later on, you just shrugged your shoulders because you didn’t have any idea either.

>> kim sunoo

„come on sun… i won‘t break!“ you begged him. „but i don‘t want to hurt you…“ „you won‘t, sunny. i‘m sure you won‘t. please make me feel good now.“ your voice suddenly turning stern and serious when he refused again.

when he finally agreed to fuck you, it took him a long time until he was even really comfortable with fingering you, but as you asked him to eat you out while fingering he got more confident.

and that’s how you ended up with your legs on top of his shoulders and him moving his hips slowly not to overwhelm you.

„feeling good, sweetheart?“ he asked, whispering against your neck lowly. you just whined at the feeling of his trusts and his fingers on your clit at the same time, feeling your orgasm building up slowly.

you were no stranger to the feeling, as you had to relieve yourself countless times because you felt like sunoo wasn’t ready to do anything yet. this time felt different though, it almost felt more intense.

“i can feel you tensing up princess. are you about to come for me?” he teased as he increased the pressure of his fingers brushing over your bundle of sensitive nerves. you nodded your head, hands clawing at his back.

as the knot in your stomach got tighter you legs started to shake from the overwhelming pleasure, and finally it snapped and you came.

“oh god!” sunoo almost shouted out as he felt you squirting on his cock. “good girl, squirt for me…” he whispered absentmindedly.

you were shocked he knew what you were doing because he always played so innocent, but apparently he wasn’t like what seemed.

>> yang jungwon

to be added!

[lowkeyclueless5137]

Doodles dump! Digital edition >:3c

Bcs on the sketchbook I did references for my current comic and thus I won't spoil u yet :3

This time is a lot of Jade for sum reason :v

We starting with the new au i didn't explain: the fight club au

The premise is basically MK meets Streetfighter, meets twst, meets real world. With Epel trying to get around New York and attending the prestigious NRC school for mages. He uncovers a secret fight club and gets recruited by a misterious fighter in order to uncover a secret drug ring.

The magical girl au :D

This was more of silly doodle time, but there are a few hints of the au's plot :P

Lowkey I didn't know how Ace was gonna look like at first, but now I know EXACTLY why he turned out like this. Parkour I guess :'3

This is from the lettler exchange p5 x twst au :v

Noting how I confirmed that the velvet room attendees are siblings, I HAD to make a few shenaningans in between them :3

Lavenza and Floyd are the ones who get a new fusion method, thus Igor(the deemed parent), Had to instruct Floyd first so he could tell Lavenza as well. I really like how the uniforms turned out tbh.

And yes, this implies that all the attendees are mers. Lavenza, Theo and Elizabeth are eels, while Margret and Azul are octopuses. Might draw those one day :v

For context, it's this spuerhero au. :'3

Ace is the funny lil guy that has and absolute TRAINWRECK of a backstory. And Riddle as well, but I wanted to practice a bit on backs and side profiles, but I also wanted to add sum context ;3

TWO :D

I tried to get around model references, because GODDAMN some of those peeps look like sum bones are in the wrong place :v

also colored vgs, bcs I saw some using those and I do enjoy sum complementary color sumtimes :'3

And what better au than jjba au? The first one is ur hint at the main plot idea of this au, while the latter is a ref for Azul and his stand: Dark Side Of The Moon. I tried to also see how realistically his stand would resist against things, seeing how it is made out of bulletproof glass, also a lot of Drag inspo for his stand tbh. :'3

You know it, I know it, WE AIN'T ESCAPING THE MLB MILD AU<3

It's a sort of tease of what happens during the mlb specials, which all happen post the main 4 seasons ya'll read and saw me losing my shit abt. :'3

YES, THERE WAS A REASON I TEASED MALLEUS'S FAM DRAMA!

Think that NY and Shangai Specials happen at the same time, but each of the our main 2 heroes go through sum self discovery post all that chaos with Madame Moth. Riddle with accepting the flaws of himself and coming in terms with his new family dynamic, while Malleus comes in terms with the tesnsion and the chaos around himself and the fact that he cannot ignore changes he doesn't like anymore.

And the other miraculous au, this time the maleidiazu hard au version.

Since Jade got the butterfly miraculous, I thought that the twins would be ABSOLUTE MENACES to Azul.

For Jade's design, I saw those very pretty butterfly decorations photos and I fixated on Gabe's butterfly tending hat. I also wanted to allude to his eel form, so I imagined a long, sleek, trein, reminescent of a cocoon, that can flare up and reveal it's true shape of a half wing, the top vest part acting as the 2nd part of the wing. He looks pretty aloof, the kind of person you'd assume would be nice, but the veil is like your warning sign, with the butterflies always sitting on the outside, all alert. I really liked how he turned out and probably is one of my favorite designs in this au tbh.

And again, Jade for the last one: the Jjk mild au. damn, I can't find the post

I knew right off the batch that I wanted this mf to get some inspo from Nobara's uniform, just because I think Floyd-pre curse era would have a more yuji insp uniform and since in cannon jjk these 2 were like besties and up to shenaningans at first, I thought it would be a fun and subtle reference. :3

The reason that yellow overall is shown, is bcs underneath the jacket, Jade has a top of a similar shape, mostly to accomodate his brother.

It's fun to think that Jade's so reserved and acts humble, but in here there's literally the truth. He's thrown in this world with 0 knowledge, trying to gather up the disaster that was left behind his brother and just fix things that he isn't responsible for in the first place, all for his own selfish reasons. It's fun :D

and that would be all for now :3

[radiovisual]

are you going to come back?

((I keep telling myself im going to, but im not sure. Im especially unhappy with how this blog was written and how it looks at the moment, bc theres a lot of things id Want to change before getting back into rp here, but I have no energy or motivation to do so 😔 my art block from last year is Still ongoing, im still deeply fixated on other fandoms, and VERY recently I had an epiphany of some kind and haven't been able to stop paying attention to the news, bc anxieties about what's happening in Gaza/the West Bank, Sudan, and Chile, and not to mention this next American presidential election, have me reassessing my priorities in life, ykwim?))

((Im still around technically, i wont be deleting this blog or anything, im just in kind of a tough spot, mentally+emotionally+physically, and that makes it hard to get reinvested in something like this.))

((There's also the factor of... feeling rather restricted in this community. It's not any particular person or group of ppls fault, people are entitled to feel however they want around fictional subjects and themes, but i know that the types of things that i like to write and rp are dark and mature, and this fandom [despite the Nature of the show itself and the topics it covers] tends to attract a lot of very aggressive, very judgemental people -- as im sure youre all aware 😂 i found some friends here, but even still, a lot of the time i know i Can't get into the kind of stuff i ACTUALLY want to write, because most of the ppl in this community would [at least, way back when,] assume that That kind of writing means I'm a bad, dangerous person who wants to engage with those themes in real life 🙃. Which isn't to say anyone is Wrong for avoiding me if darker themes trigger them, by all means PLEASE block me for your sanity if thats what you have to do!! but when most all of those Exact Themes are LITERALLY, graphically present in the show, now, it's like. Idk man whats going on! Why are you here! if sexually abusive relationships bother these fans so much, then Why are they in THIS fandom of all places instead of somewhere tangibly Safer for their sanity, yk???))

(( i don't know. Maybe im just a brat, but ive always felt a little put out by the Hazbin community online. Its extremely self policing and isolating trying to find people i can feel comfortable talk to about my ideas, so ive kind of... given up and moved on, found a nice group of Freaks to be perverted about the Avatar sequel instead lmao))

((So... idk. I guess we'll see. But im very sorry it may have been wishful thinking when i said id come back. I really, truly meant it at the time -- things just changed 💔, both in me And in the community. And maybe theyll change again, idk!but i Do know there's people in this overarching Hazbin Tumblr RP community who don't like me very much (which is Okay), and I don't want to force myself to walk on eggshells anymore -- so I'm won't💪😎))

((I adored my time here while i was active, whuch it why i wont delete it -- i go back to re read threads all the time! -- but unless there's a group of sexual weirdos developing that i could fall in with AND I can find a way to balance this with the rest of my life, im still gonna be on this indefinite hiatus 💀👍 sorry))

((Btw -- Palestinians are in desperate need of e-SIMs to keep in touch with their loved ones and to organize humanitarian aid within the Gaza strip itself -- if any of you have a few spare dollars, please consider getting involved. I know the news is very quiet rn, especially if you're in America like me, but let me make this very clear; We are. kind of sort of Already IN World War Three. Russia and China and the global south are finally starting to hold the west accountable and the west is failing a shitting its pants about it Spectacularly. The world order is literally shifting. There's not one, but SEVERAL major international conflicts brewing right now, as America is sliding into fascism at break neck speed bc Genocide Joe is finally realizing he's probably not going to get re-elected [on account of all the genocide] on TOP of finally seeing the tangible effects of climate change. South America and Australia are on FIRE. Like NEVER before.))

((Never Again is Now. We could be going over the temperature "tipping point" of the planet BY 2030. now is NOT the time to be wallowing in escapism, no matter how much we desperately need/want it. If there is EVER a time to get involved with the real world and to take a step back from the internet and high stress fandom bullshit, it is NOW. No matter what Side of these issues you stand on, EVERYONE needs to be voting, everyone needs to be paying attention.))

(( if you can't afford esims [no shame, i often can't either, money is tight everywhere], then at the very least get This website open in your tabs. It generates revenue with free Daily clicks, the proceeds of which are all sent to UN organizations -- particularly UNRWA, which is VITAL to maintain not only getting aid INTO Gaza, but also retaining Palestinians legal right to return to their land -- without UNRWA, Isreal can begin to LEGALLY, haphazardly "deport" Palestinians, which would take YEARS to reverse through future court proceedings. Do your part, it only takes a few seconds a day 💪🌱))

((Alright, thats all! Sorry if you wanted a short sweet answer, but ive actually been ruminating on all of this, so thank you for this ask, for giving me a chance to talk about it all. Im happy to see this community thriving in the wake of Season 1, even if im not joining in myself -- you all keep up the great work, and keep having fun with it ❤ let it empower you to explore the value of Charlie's message and think of ways to impliment it in your daily life And on the world at large‼))

[sunshinechildskywalker]

20 questions for fic writers

Hi, friends! I was tagged by the forever-incredible @ladyvader23- thanks for the tag, my friend!

1. How many works do you have on A03?

I have 12 works and counting!

2. What's your total A03 word count?

67,866 words (woah! More than I realized!)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

I write primarily for Star Wars, but also write for Harry Potter, Hunger Games, and believe it or not, the Simpsons! Sideshow Bob sparked something in my bestie and I that kicked off a year of non-stop Google Doc sharing and squee comments on each other's works XD

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Grounded (578)

L & V One Shots & Ficlets (554)

Convalescence (278)

Tortured Soul (191)

Come With Me (159)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I sure do! I always try to respond with a least a "omg thank you!!!" or something of the like to show my appreciation. I wish I could go more in-depth for them all, and I do for the really long ones, but I end up not always having the time or energy to pay each comment the response it deserves. As always, thank you to everyone who has commented on my stuff!

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

It's actually one I haven't posted yet (nor finished, and that's one I def want to be done before I post it). To give you context without too many spoilers, basically it's an alternate ending to ROTJ in which Vader doesn't die...but Luke does. I've been writing it on and off since my freshman year of high school and am excited about it, but damn, it's so hard to write because it makes me so sad!

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Probably Grounded! That was the first one I ever posted (during my first week of senior year of high school!) I feel like that one wrapped up nicely.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Once in a great while. Most of the hate comments I receive are digs on my characterization of Vader. One time I got a negative comment on a oneshot that I specified was part of a larger story I would recommend reading beforehand, and the commenter didn't understand why Vader was written the way he was, when in actuality, it had a lot to do with his development in the larger story. That one was a detailed hate comment and was hard to shake, but I'm learning how to let them roll off my back.

On a side note, this is partly why I don't ask for constructive criticism; I have OCD and fixate on even little comments people make that could possibly be construed as negative, real life included. I'm working on how to let them go and look at the facts before I run off with some wild tale about how someone hates me for sure. I'm growing and learning how to manage, but like I said in my AO3 A/Ns, OCD is a bitch ;)

9. Do you write smut?

Sure do XD It's pretty much all Skysolo (which you will see in an upcoming Skysolo story I'm almost done with *wink wink* ;))

10. Do you write crossovers?

I haven't before, but I'm entertaining the idea of some kind of Star Wars/Harry Potter type thing. To be completely honest, it's inspired by the Sims I made in Sims 4 lol XD. I had my HP Sims meet my Star Wars Sims and it was so funny to see how they all interacted. Luna immediately grabbed a book off of Leia's bookshelf, Anakin began cooking dinner, and Harry and Luke were talking privately in a separate room from the group- I like to imagine they were talking about how hard it is to be "the hero" and have the world literally depending on you. If I do end up writing this, I'll be sure to post XD *cue Spongebob's "when worlds collide" lol*

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of, so hopefully that answer is no.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but would be open to working with someone to translate!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes! Nothing I've posted, but I co-write Simpsons stuff with my real life bestie. Sideshow Bob has us in a chokehold XD

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

I love Skysolo and always will, but I think Finnick and Annie from Hunger Games takes the cake for me. I could go on, but the way they've both been through similar trauma and care for one another gets me big time. And Finnick is one of my all-time favorite characters, so I'm a little bias XD

15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Tbh, both of my Whumptobers lol. I bit off more than I could chew both years between that and school, work, life. Hopefully I'll plan a little better this year and will be able to finish!

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I write hurt/comfort well, and it sounds weird, but I write crying pretty well too lol. I think I'm getting better at imagery and sentence structure too.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I struggle with writing action, and I tend to write run-on sentences. I'm hoping to work on this for future fics!

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I haven't done this personally, but I have a lot of respect for others who do. I think it's wild people can speak a whole other language period, but using that language in all its differences stylistically to tell a story? Absolutley amazing.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Hunger Games! I wrote Finnick becoming like a big brother for Prim after the war (flash back to me furiously typing out hurt/comfort scenes on my ipod notes in middle school LOL XD)

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

I have a special place in my heart for Convalescence; I live for that kind of hurt/comfort and angst, and I'm excited to finish it.

Thanks for reading if you did! I'll tag @spell-cleaver and @starr234, but don't feel obligated if this doesn't interest you!

May the Force be with you, friends!!!

[screampied]

hiiiiiiiiiiiii!!! that’s okay, don’t worry, hope you had a wonderful rest 😌

yes, we do match a lot. i really like talking with you because i feel so energetic to just yap and yap and yap. some things happened last night and this morning regarding a mutual i have-used to have and now i’m not in the mood to keep interacting with people. except, obviously, you. i don’t know, some people in here are so…weird. it got me really sad, i almost decided to deactivate, but said fuck them, i’m not in here for people i’m here to post my silly little thoughts about not so little silly men.

sorry for they small personal rant!

ON GOD, my pc is an old fella, and i mainly used the guy for playing the sims. his name is harold, by the way. he did very well on the first month, but boy was getting feed too much CC so he told me to fuck myself and stopped working, what a cunt. i had a beautiful sapphic couple, and one of them got pregnant on accident and i got sad because it’s so boring to have babies and they are so ugly?

nowadays i only watch one streamer and he is from my country, which on any other circumstance i would tell you, but i’m afraid i’m the only person from my country that writes in here for jjk. at least that i know of.

THATS THE REASON I HAVENT YET DOWNLOADED IT 😭 i use my tablet for designing and studying so it would fuck me up real good, and it’s samsung so it glitches so much it pisses me off so bad.

i think you will find out. you see, i really like sending anons to people, but you are the first one i’m consistently sending to the point of having a name (which, btw, i melted with my name on your anons, it’s so cute!!). going back on track, whenever i send i try to make sure it doesn’t look like it’s the real me, but with you i do. as i said, i like talking with you, i feel comfortable, so i just let me be me.

jason is smelly af, just like brahms, you know? but toji jason would smell of that mainly sweat, woods, pines, any type of shit that would probably make me not run away that fast. i don’t have that much of a survival instinct, and if the killer is a almost two meters male i am going nowhere.

wait, ☝️ nutty 🥺 cute.

I THINK YOU SHOULD DO IT, i love crack fics, i love your fics and loser or virgin satoru (both) is so kcjdkdndkekd got me biting my toes off. pls do, like seriously, i think it would be so cool and fresh. also, the name was perfection. satoru really fixes perfectly in the bimbo box, with the b of bitch. one time i described him as if michael scott and mean girls mom had a white haired baby, and i don’t think i’ll ever come across this type of enlightenment again.

OH, QUEEN IS EVERYTHING. i remember how me, being a younger little shit, would hate everything my older sibling liked, and queen got attacked by me. in my defense, whenever they like some band/musician, they listened to it everyday. first it was fun, then panic at the disco, then queen and now elton john. but soon as they skipped to the next fixation, i became obsessed with their oldest one. also, this boy in high school thought he was the shit because he saw the movie and knew the songs, so i was in the chapel (christian school) with him and finished the lyrics to bohemian rhapsody and he goes “omg, you know queen?” BOY I WAS BORN AND MY PARENTS WERE BLASTING IT ON THE ROOM NEXT DOOR, TF. EVERYONE KNOWS QUEEN.

born to die is my ride or die, my favorite from it is this is what makes us girls because it reminds me of my teenage years, but my favorite of them all is young and beautiful, i am obsessed with the great gatsby and my brain chemicals have never survived the scene about daisy and gatsby past.

sabrina seriously is feeding my writing ideas with this new album. bed chem with gojo, juno with nanami, oh…fucking hell. we really are the same person, i love it !!!

i am petrified of tsunamis. they are impossible to happen in my country, but i still have nightmares regarding them and waking up all frightened. once i had one where people went up to the mountains and still it wasn’t enough.

oh… hm, well, i want to say something but i can’t yet. brasil is beautiful, i get it. my dream place to go is anywhere that i can see northern lights. fuck, like, i don’t know how to explain but just the thought of having the chance to stare into the sky and seeing those lights that look like magic makes me want to cry. another country would be chile, in the desert you can see the milky way 🥺 i’m a big astronomy nerd, so that’s just enough to make me happy. you will never catch me saying this on main, but i would enjoy going to the usa so i could eat their high in calories and unnecessary food. there is something about it that grosses me out but also makes me go hmmm.

question for today is what was your first work posted here and what’s your favorite season?

nutty anon.

NUUTTTTY BAE

that’s valid 🤒. interacting w ppl can get overwhelming sometimes so i understand. im glad u didn’t deactivate ‘n ur still here tho <3 but THATSSS THE SPIRIT. noooo ur fine rant as much as you want this is a safe spaceeee xx

ARGGHHH in the meantime you can always watch playthroughs of lads online !!! like you can watch certain scenes n stuff bc im sure ppl recorded that stuff.

of course you’re on my anon list i just had to make u an official squirtling 🤭🤭. IMSO GLAD I MAKE U FEEL COMFY.

stotppppf ur making me have brain rot about jason!toji now, jus imagine the breeding kink, manhandling, he def gets off at rubbing the end of his machete against our cooch.

THANKYOUU 🤒🤒. omg maybe i’ll do it, i love writing silly shit every once in a while bc why not 💔💔💔. that is such a unique compasrasion to satoru i love it

LOVEEEEE QUEEN. i gen wish i was bored in the 80s or even the 70s. the style always has me gagged like ???? i love how a lot of old vintage styles are coming back also. so real 😭. i grew up around a low of heavy metal / rock & indie. ooh i haven’t listened to patd in a min, elton johnnn ugh i still haven’t seen rocketman. SPEAKING OF did u see bohrap? apparently ppl have mixed opinions on it / rami’s portrayal of freddie but i rly liked it 🧎‍♀️

so true i wanna see the northern lights badly. i also wanna visit scotland for some reason? chileeeee that seems like that would be so fun to visit also !!!!! ur an astronomy nerd that’s so cute 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️. PAHAHA same i wanna visit the us too, i’ve never been outside my country but a lot of my moots are from the us and it seems cool. the first state id had to visit would have to be nevada so i can go to las vegas bc hahahah.

my first work i posted was my fantasize, the fwb satoru fic with the silly cliffhanger hehe. its crraaazy how much time its been since nov. ‘23 i still feel so new 🤧. MY FAVVV SEASON is either winter or fall !!!!

[p4ranormaluv]

BED CHEM

amidst trying to keep your gpa up and not get kicked off the cheer team, you take your friend’s advice and ask jake sim, one of the smartest students in your campus, to tutor you. you see him as a snarky know-it-all who’s obsessed with correcting your every mistake, and he sees you as a dumb cheerleader with a rep for breaking hearts. but as things unfold, you discover you both have something to learn from each other, and it’s a lot more than just algebra.

pairing) nerd!jake x cheerleader!reader

genre) smut/pwp, enemies to lovers, college au, fluff, angst

contents) f!reader, popular!jake/reader, jake's a smart a.ss [& a jerk at first but let him cook], basketball player!heeseung/jay, temporary reader x hee, exes, misunderstood reader, brief conversation about throwing up, eventual pining, desc. of anxiety, fear of emotional intimacy, jealousy, lack of communication, happy ending, [ft. itzy's chaeryeong, skz's felix, & layla]

smut warnings) under cut!

wc) 14.5k

now playing) bed chem — sabrina carpenter

notes) i took the lyrics “come right on me, i mean camaraderie!” and ran with it. fic’s moodboard here!

smut warnings) several smut scenes, switch!jake/reader, angry s.ex?, s.ex in locker room, jake fu.cks reader in cheer uniform, ti.tty sucking, or.al fixation!jake, munch!jake, or.al s.ex, degra.dation, begging, hair pulling, c.um swallowing, exhibi.tionism, reader makes jake almost c.um in his pants during class, s.ex in janitor’s closet [they do it in a bed eventually lol], lots of kissing, praise, flexible!reader, pull out method [dont], jake slaps reader’s thigh once, petnames [baby, little/baby/good girl], reader mentions being on the pill, raw s.ex

COPYRIGHT OF @/P4RANORMALUV. IF YOU STEAL MY WORK I WILL FIND OUT & PUBLICLY CALL YOU OUT.

the gym is bustling, filled by cheerleaders and the basketball team as you all practice for the game on wednesday.

“okay! 5 minute break and then we’ll start those high kicks again!” your cheer captian announces after confirming to your coach with some silent hand gestures.

you follow your team as they walk to the bleachers, most grabbing their water bottles or sitting down and wiping the sweat off their skin with a towel.

you reach into your duffel bag, rummaging with your hand blindly for a few moments before realizing you don’t feel your water bottle. unzipping it completely, you search for a bit before letting your head drop with an exhausted sigh.

“what’s wrong?” chaeryeong asks from the seat above yours as she redoes her ponytail.

“i somehow forgot my water.”

“oh, you can have some of mine!” she offers, raising her owala to you.

“do you know how much bacteria is probably in that?” you smile with a teasing grimace, even though you really do mean what you say.

“wow, not even a thank you!” chae pretends to be hurt, putting an offended hand to her chest. “i bet you’re a stanley girly, aren’t you?”

“nope. just a plain water bottle i got from target. secure screw cap, no straw, easy to clean.”

“are you trying to sell it to me?” chae quirks a playful brow and you laugh, waving a hand in front of you as you start to walk towards the gym’s exit. “if you want to drink from your mold filled bottle go ahead. i’m gonna go to the water fountain.”

chaeryeong sticks her tongue out at you just as you enter the hallway, so you make sure to pop your head back in and do the same childish expression at her before approaching the fountain and leaning down to take a drink.

“oh! s-sorry.” a deep voice says as you see sneakers suddenly appear in your downward view. you wipe your mouth and lift your head up to see heeseung, who evidently just came out of the restroom and almost walked right into you.

his hair remains in his face despite him brushing it back with a muscular arm, glistening biceps almost distracting you enough that you forget to answer. but once your eyes travel from his sculpted arms, to his jersey that clings to his sweaty chest, and finally his sweet, doe eyes that stare at you, you remember that he’s expecting you to reply.

“no, it’s okay! don’t worry about it.”

“did you forget your water too?” he chuckles, the sound sending a flurry of butterflies to erupt in your stomach.

“yeah…” you answer lamely.

apparently all of your hot cheerleader mojo goes down the drain when you’re in front of lee heeseung, your college’s top basketball player. (it also doesn’t help that you’ve been crushing on him for a good month now.)

“too?” you echo, unable to think of anything else to keep the conversation going but desperately wanting to. despite having regular practices in the same vicinity, this is the first conversation you’ve had, aside from some lingering stares and a few shared smiles.

“jay usually brings a cooler of drinks, but he didn’t this time. probably forgot.”

“oh, pre game nerves, perhaps?” you joke, smiling and tilting your head teasingly.

“we’re not nervous.” heeseung smirks with a flirty tone. “we always win.”

“cocky, are we?”

“maybe. or maybe you cheering for me throughout the game is my lucky charm.”

you bite down your grin to keep yourself under control, delighted at how well your dry conversation has turned into some playful flirting. you hoped he was into you, but you’re not going to assume that from a few distant smiles.

“what makes you think i’m cheering just for you?”

heeseung chuckles and steps closer, you noting how he has to tilt his head down to look at you because he’s so damn tall. his eyes zero in on yours, an intensity filling the air as he takes a breath to speak—

but right before he can, another voice interrupts as it echos down the hallway.

“yo, hee! they’re needing you back, man.” a shorter man runs up, it not taking you long to recognize him.

it’s jake sim, one of the smartest seniors on your campus.

you feel like you’re from completely different worlds whenever you see him. he’s popular like you, yes. but he has a pretty clean rep with perfect grades to match. professor’s love him for his kiss-ass attitude and students…well.

they want to fuck him— or him fuck them. either way. nothing really matters to anyone when your face is as cute as his and you have a hot aussie accent.

not that you relate to the any of those sentiments. you actually find him annoying as fuck.

“oh,” jake mumbles when he notices you behind heeseung’s larger frame, sounding almost bothered by your presence.

well the feeling’s mutual.

“come on, dude. they sent me to get you.” he further urges, grabbing heeseung’s arm.

“what are you even doing here, jake?” you ask with a hand raising to your hip, only a hint of your annoyance at the interruption showing in your tone. he’s not on the basketball team, neither cheer. he has no reason to be here.

“not right now, pom-poms.” the boy dismisses, not even bothering to look at you as he drags heeseung off.

you scoff in utter disbelief at his rudeness.

he always steals the spotlight when you’re about to answer a question in your one shared class, and now he’s stealing your man? (granted, he’s not your man— but he could have been, if jake hadn’t ran over!)

you stand and wonder what he was about to say. what if that conversation could have ended with him finally asking for your number!

“y/n! c’mon, girl! it’s go time!” one of your team member’s call out from the gym doorway.

you sigh before running to join your squad.

(❤︎)

it’s taken you to nearly be under your minimum gpa to admit that you’re failing algebra, a course you’re required to take. not only can this harm your future, but you could get kicked off the cheer team.

“well, you have to do something!” chaeryeong whisper-yells at you as you sit in physics class.

“i don’t want to have to pay for a tutor, i’m broke enough as it is.”

“then ask one of your friends.” chae suggests.

“…none of my friends are that smart,” you giggle under your breath, chaeryeong slapping you on the arm and causing an echo to resound in the room. like two mischievous children, chae retracts her hand to her lap and you straighten your posture, waiting to make sure no one is looking over at you.

a few moments later, and chae leans closer to you, eyes staring forward in an attempt to be more subtle.

"just ask jake. he's an engineer major. he’s gotta be good at algebra. and i heard he's loaded, so he doesn’t even need your money."

"hell no." you answer plainly, lips falling into a straight line as you glance over at the boy who’s rows away from you, nearly at the front of the class.

try hard.

"oh, come on, y/n. he's not that bad."

"he is. and besides, we’re not friends and i couldn’t ever bring myself to ask a favor of him, nevertheless for free!”

“he’s your best shot, dude. it’s either this, or officially screw yourself over.”

chaeryeong’s words— though not eloquently put, are true. and they annoyingly ring in your head for the remainder of the class.

chae hurries out to go to her next class, as does most everyone else. but you have a little bit of time.

so you linger in your seat, watching how meticulous jake is about placing his things in his backpack, wondering how he manages to straighten his glasses in the most egotistical way possible. you wait until jake starts walking towards the exit and is farther away from the professor, not wanting to have this conversation right in front of him. finally (reluctantly) you stand up and catch up to jake’s side.

he doesn’t bother slowing down, continuing to walk.

“hey, uh- jake,” you begin, feeling weird to say his name to his face. you cut to the chase, not caring enough to keep up impressions with him. “look, i need a tutor. i’m-“

“no, sorry.” he cuts you off simply, leaving you a tad stunned as your stride is broken. you stare at the back of his head until he turns a corner, then you go jogging after him.

“what? but, i-i”

“i don’t want to have to spend my free time tutoring someone.” jake explains, glancing at you before looking away just as quickly.

“i can pay you.” you say, innerly embarrassed at how fast your resolve has crumbled. chaeryeong would be laughing at you if she could see this right now.

“not interested.”

you can almost hear her in your brain…

“well, there’s gotta be something!”

jake finally comes to a sudden halt, almost causing you to run into his backpack before he turns to face you.

“i’m assuming it’s grammar you need help with?”

your initially surprised expression drops into a glare as you reply with a clearly fed up, “no. algebra.”

jake seems to ponder this for a moment, before smiling at you in a way that actually seems like it may be genuine (or at least not entirely snarky).

“walk my dog.”

“huh?” is that a euphemism for something?

“my dog, layla. she’s full of energy but sometimes i’m just too tired after classes or work. do you like animals?”

“i’m a biology major.”

jake looks a bit stunned, eyes blinking to open wider as they skim over your appearance for a second.

“what?” you start, very clearly offended. “why do you look so surprised?”

“i just thought it’d be…something else.”

“like what?”

“i don’t know. something in the creative field?”

“that’s stereotypical.”

jake bites on his bottom lip, you realizing he’s trying to conceal a smile, but before you can get mad about it— he continues.

“look, if you want it, we have a deal. yes or no, pom-poms?”

a flare of anger sparks inside you every single time he refers to you as ‘pom-poms’.

with lips pressed into an agitated line, you stretch out your open palm demandingly. “give me your phone.”

“why?”

“so i can give you my number and type in the contact name myself. my names y/n, not pom-poms.”

jake laughs under his breath, handing you his phone and watching as you type in your information.

“so is that a yes?”

“yes. can we meet tomorrow?”

“at my place.” jake agrees. “jay’s my only roommate so it should be less distracting for you.”

you hand jake back his phone, the man giggling at the little wave emoji you sent to yourself through his number so you’d have it in your phone.

“by the way, i already knew your name.”

“then why do you always call me pom-poms?”

“becaause…you always have them?” jake answers like it’s obvious. you scoff, putting an unamused hand to your hip.

“i don’t have them right now, do i?”

“no, and it’s honestly a little eerie.” he smirks, clearly intentionally getting under your skin and enjoying every second of it.

“whatever,” you exhale, completely over the conversation. “i gotta go to my next class. see ya.”

“see ya, pom-poms.”

…jerk.

(❤︎)

heeseung was right, they won the game, and his team wanted to go out and celebrate. it wasn’t a big win or anything, just a casual competition, but every now and then they like to celebrate their wins by going out to eat or a casual hang out at someone’s dorm. you also think they do it so they have an excuse to invite you and your cheer squad to hang out.

and this time was no different. after the game you all piled in friend’s cars and headed over to a small but good local restaurant nearby. unfortunately, you never got a chance to talk to heeseung. the restaurant was smaller and a bit packed with all of you in there, and you and hee ended up being seated far away from each other. all the different conversations and bustle of the restaurant covered up anyone’s voices besides who was right next to you, so you couldn’t even hear him.

still, it was fun. you ended up rolling into bed a little past 1 am.

which you’re now really regretting as you had to wake up at 5 am to get ready and rush to conditioning practice. once you’ve finished your drills, showered, and are walking to your first class of the day, you decided to text jake.

you: hey 👋 we still down for today

jake sim: Yes.

okay. one text and you’re already seeing some similarities in how he texts with your 60 year old uncle.

you: there a certain time i should come

you: also can u give me ur building number

jake: Is there*

you: huh

jake: IS there a certain time I should come?*

jake: Do you have something against vowels and punctuation?

you: omg!!

you: just tell me the fuckin time and address!!?!

you: is that enough punctuation for you?

jake: …

jake: Fucking*

(❤︎)

after cheer practice you hop in your car and enter in the address that was like pulling teeth for jake to finally give you. you can tell by looking at the address that it’s off campus, and as you pull up in jake’s driveway you realize chaeryeong was right when she said jake was loaded.

okay, maybe not loaded loaded, but he’s definitely well off, judging by the outside of his very nice home, perfectly stripe cut grass and shapely shrubbery. there’s even multiple cars here, which you note with a bit of confusion.

you stand and knock at the big, sculpted wooden doors for a minute, before simply trying the knob, which is luckily unlocked.

when you step inside you here distant voices.

deciding to follow the sound, it leads you to a billiard room where you see heeseung, jake and jay playing pool. they’re all stood around while a blonde haired man has his back to you, leaned over as he angles his shot. they still haven’t noticed your presence yet, and you feel incredibly awkward despite being invited to be here.

“um…jake?”

at your voice, all the men turn at once, the blonde man revealing his face to you.

you’re struck with horror as you both stare wide eyed at each other. someone’s speaking but you don’t catch it, everything sounding like it’s under water.

it’s lee felix. aka your ex that you abruptly ghosted after almost a year into your relationship.

“y/n?” felix utters, and it’s like you just breached the water’s surface, a sudden wave of consciousness washing over you as everything comes back into focus.

“y/n, i’m so sorry! i legitimately forgot!” jake says, and you take your opportunity to look at him and away from felix.

“it’s- its okay, i just…um,” you’re about to offer to leave, before heeseung speaks up.

“just stay, y/n. ever played pool?” he smiles sweetly, and the goosebumps that have raised on your skin soothe a little at his comforting expression.

“yeah! we can play cutthroat!” jay exclaims, already going over to the rack to get you a cue.

“she can just use mine.” heeseung stops him, coming to your side and causing butterflies to erupt in your stomach.

“we’ve come close enough to poking someone’s eye out already, i don’t think we need more pointy sticks in the equation.” he laughs.

“okay, but i’m going first, since i was going to win that last game anyways.”

“as if, bro!” jay tries with jake. “i was gonna win!”

as heeseung moves to intervene the two boys and rearrange the balls on the table, at some point felix silently appears by your side, startling you as he softly says “have you played cutthroat before?”

“no,” you answer just as softly as the boys fill in the silence with their bickering. “i don’t even know how to play regular pool.”

felix laughs with a shining smile, and your chest fills with bittersweet nostalgia at the familiar yet almost forgotten memory of the deep timber of felix’s laugh and the crinkle of his nose that often pairs with it.

“don’t worry, cutthroat is actually a pretty good game for your first time despite the name. want me to show you how to hold your cue?”

“is that the stick thing?” you ask, and felix bursts into higher pitched giggles, the warmth of his aura making the tension in your body melt away.

(❤︎)

so much for jake’s place being ‘less distracting’. it’s 9 pm and you don’t think you’re actually going to have a session with jake tonight. but oh well, you’re actually having fun!

after about two hours of playing pool and just hanging out, you ask jake where the bathroom is before walking down the long hallway.

as you’re walking back, coming up to the archway of jake’s living room you all ended up migrating to, you hear heeseung speaking.

“i didn’t know you were tutoring her?”

“yeah,” jake answers with a huffed laugh. “i haven’t actually tutored her yet, and i probably never will.”

your brows furrow as you halt your feet, standing in the hallway silently to listen.

“what do you mean?” another voice asks. you think it’s jay.

“i don’t think she’s really looking to brush up on her algebra, man. she’s a typical dumb cheerleader, she’s probably just over here because she knows i’m friends with the basketball team.”

“dude-“ heeseung starts, but another thicker aussie accent interrupts.

“that’s fucked, man! how can you say that about her?”

there’s a tense few moments of silence, and you’re not sure if you wished you could see what’s happening or glad that you can’t. you blink as moisture starts to build up in your eyes.

“me? what about you? i’m surprised you’re defending her. didn’t she drop you like you meant nothing to her right when your relationship started to get serious?”

you can’t. you can’t listen anymore.

as quiet and quickly as possible, you head back to the bathroom before a watery gasp can expose your presence. a hand is rubbing at your eyes as tears stream down your face when your hands feel the cool metal of the doorknob.

you shut the door behind you and slide down it, onto your butt, crying into your knees that you wrap your arms around.

then you feel something wet swipe up your leg and you flinch, looking up to see a blonde little dog looking at you curiously.

“oh,” you whisper aloud to yourself, trying not to think about how stuffy you sound. “you must be layla, huh?”

the dogs mouth opens up to let her tongue hang out, appearing like she’s giving you a smile as she sits down obediently, tail wagging behind her.

you can’t help but let out a somber little giggle, wiping a tear off your cheek before leaning over to pet her on the head.

“you’re cute.” you smile, letting her soft fur and rhythmic panting calm you down.

a few minutes later the door opens, jake’s head popping in.

“oh, there you are.” he says, watching how layla is spread out on her back in your lap as you pet her belly.

“did you get lost?”

“uh, yeah.” you take the excuse, gently pushing layla off and standing up. “couldn’t find the bathroom.”

“heeseung and felix are about to leave, but they wanted to say bye.” jake explains, and you follow him out the door and to wherever the boys are.

“okay.” you reply, trying to make your voice sound smooth and not like you were just crying.

“hey, jake?”

the aussie looks over at you as you continue walking.

“can we still get a short tutoring sesh in?” you ask innocently on the outside, but inwardly there’s the burn of spite in your lungs. “i know it’s kinda late but i really need it.”

“oh…yeah, sure.” jake answers, looking away from you.

you bite down a salty smirk.

(❤︎)

after going over to jake’s house you turned his texts to mute and haven’t looked ever since.

it’s saturday night, which means football competition. a neighboring team is at your college’s home field to play head to head, and right now, it’s anybody’s game.

you’re in the middle of a cupie stunt right now, your base holding your body up with one hand as you focus on balancing and keeping on a big smile.

once your team’s routine is over you go to sit on the sidelines as the announcer’s voice booms over the speakers.

“hey, i’m gonna go get a gatorade.” chaeryeong taps on your shoulder, pointing at the food vendor who walks up the bleacher steps. “do you want anything?”

you turn to look, which proves to be a mistake as you make direct eye contact with none other than jake sim, who’s staring right at you amongst the crowd (and he looks a little ticked).

you snap your head back straight, letting out a yelped ‘no’. chae luckily doesn’t really pick up on your change of tone with how loud the crowd is, and replies with an ‘okay’ before jogging after the descending vendor.

she comes back a few moments later with her drink and a bag of chips.

“i don’t know how you eat during the games, aren’t you afraid you’ll get sick during a routine?”

“you’re on tiktok too much.” chae replies as she pops open the bag. “stop watching those horrible clips. it’s not very likely to happen at all. and i’m not a flyer like you. even if i puked, it wouldn’t get on anyone.”

“okaay! sorry i brought it up, getting grossed oout!”

chaeryeong laughs, bumping her shoulders with yours.

“hey, tell me about how it went with jake?”

you sigh with a roll of your eyes. “he only taught me for like, an hour.”

“oh!” chae squeals amidst chewing. “perhaps that was because you were too busy falling in love?!”

“oh my god, shut up, chae!”

the girl takes a quick swig of her drink before doing the exact opposite of what you asked. “do you know how many couples start off hating each other? you know, that burning anger you have for him could make for some hot se—“

“chaeryeong!” you gasp and chae laughs at how you sound like a scandalized victorian woman who just saw someone’s ankles. “stop it! that’s never happening.”

“i bet you’d have really good bed chem.” she states like it’s a fact.

“whatever.” you say just as the stadium erupts.

your home team doesn’t win, but your cheer squad goes out on the field to do your last routine anyways. you all go to the locker room to change after, most of your team moving quick to go to some party.

“you not coming, y/n?” your friend asks, chaeryeong also looking at you for your answer.

“i don’t think so, guys. maybe next time.”

eventually everyone walks out, leaving you alone as you set your pom-poms down.

amidst taking off your top, your hair falls into your face, leading you to shake your head as you blindly place your shirt inside your locker. when you open your eyes, you spot jake in your peripheral, staring at you wide eyed like an idiot while holding open the door.

“jake!” you screech, moving to cover your chest with your arms. “what the fuck!”

“i’m- i-i’m sorry, i was just trying to find you-“

“i don’t care, pervert! don’t come in the locker room!”

even with the distance, you can see how jake’s ears turn red. his face morphs from embarrassed panic to mad (and still embarrassed), the boy stomping closer until he’s right in front of you.

“i’m not a pervert, you kept ignoring my texts! we had a deal, you know!”

“well, you pissed me off!”

“me! how did i piss you off?”

“you- you’re…so fucking annoying!” you let out, not even knowing where you’re going with this as you get up in jake’s face.

“you ruined my chances with heeseung and act like an ass all the time!”

“ruined your chances! how did i ruin your chances with hee?” jake asks, and you back down a bit, not wanting to tell jake that you heard what he said that night.

at your silence, jake takes the opportunity to continue. “i mean, yeah. i don’t want you to be with heeseung, but that doesn’t mean i’d meddle—“

“and why don’t you want me to be with heeseung,” you interject, getting closer inch by inch to jake’s face as he stands his ground, giving you the same piercing eyes you challenge him with. “is it because…you think i’ll break his heart?”

you try to ask the question with just as much bite as your previous, hoping your insecurities don’t show through.

jake blanches, slightly taken aback by the directness of your question before he doubles down ten fold, pressing closer to you until your noses almost touch.

“yeah. maybe i do.” he grumbles to admit, breath puffing into your face.

you inhale to scoff, but then your chest brushes up against his, and suddenly you both remember that you’re only in a bra and cheer skirt.

jake glances down, eyes flitting over how your boobs press together when you have your arms angrily crossed, before meeting your gaze again.

the next thing you know, your lips are on his.

you don’t know who leaned in first, all you know is that he tastes like lemonade, tart but sweet enough to leave you wanting more.

his hands immediately go to your breasts, pushing you up against the lockers in his haste as the metal clangs and echos around the room, covering up your soft moan of shock.

your hands naturally move to rest at his stomach, where your surprised to feel the firm divots and raises of abs.

“do you-…do you workout?” you pant after parting from jake’s lips to take a breath. the boy doesn’t bother stopping, trailing his mouth from the corner of yours to down your neck, kissing and mouthing along your bra strap.

“can i take this off?” he asks, ignoring your question. you nod with a quiet little ‘yes’, jake reaching behind you to snap open your bra with one hand.

you try not to be too impressed (and fail), noting to yourself that the rumors must be true and this nerd does indeed fuck.

jake hastily guides your bra down your arms and tosses it to the side, latching his plush lips to your bud as his veiny hands continue to kneed at your breasts.

“oh my god,” you whisper under your breath, fingers moving to run through his hair as you let your head lean back against the locker. jake lets out a breathy groan at the feeling of you on his tongue and how you’re unconsciously giving small tugs to the tufts of his hair.

you whimper and flinch at the ghost of jake’s teeth on your nipple, quite literally feeling the curve of his smile on your skin as he glances up at you, not bothering to detach from your tits as his eyes sparkle with mischief. you let out a sigh as you smirk down at him, giving a now conscious, firm pull to his hair and watching how jake’s eyes shut in the stinging pleasure, a throaty moan escaping him.

“you’re a jerk.”

jake kisses from the swell of your breast and down your stomach in response, as though apologizing. now on his knees, he pauses at the waistband of your skirt. your hands move to take it off before jake stops you, sliding his palms over the material and to your thighs, squeezing at the plushness of them as he moves his head downward.

butterfly kisses are now being pressed up your legs until jake’s face is fully under your skirt. you put a hand over your mouth as you feel jake slowly sliding your panties down, trying to contain a needy moan at his teasing.

“damn, you’re wet.” jake whispers, the breath of his voice tickling your skin and causing your legs to tremble.

“please?” you whine, but only barely, still trying to hold on to some of your dignity.

“please what, pom-poms?” jake asks, and you can hear the smugness in his tone even while his face is hidden.

your eyes roll.

“oh my god, jake. please just shut the fuck up and eat me out!”

“can do.”

that’s all the warning jake gives before burying his face in your pussy, going at it like he’s starved.

you bite down on your lip to keep from crying out, not wanting jake to know just how good his mouth feels. (god knows his ego doesn’t need the boost.) you think you’re doing pretty good at keeping quiet, even when jake flicks your clit with his tongue, you only flinch slightly.

but jake takes notice of your silence, and it’s pissing him off.

so he runs a digit through the wetness of your pussy before pressing the entirety of it into your hole roughly, feeling how tightly your walls clench around him.

“f- fuck!” you startle.

it’s only one finger, but the length of it and the stretch his knuckles provide as he pumps them in and out of you mercilessly is making you come undone quicker than you would have thought.

jake’s making lots of slurping noises as his tongue licks at your leaking hole, nose nuzzling over your pulsing clit.

fuck, this man knows how to eat pussy. and when he presses a second finger inside of you, you know you’ve lost the quiet game. a whine comes from your throat as you squeeze your eyes shut, hips moving in small motions to meet the thrust of jake’s fingers.

he’s growling against you, eyes shut as he seems lost in the taste of you.

it isn’t until your head rolls to the side in pleasure that you notice he’s tugged his pants down just enough for his (to your shock, very big) cock to spring out, jerking himself off furiously as pre cum dribbles from the head.

“are you- fucking serious?” you laugh breathlessly, jake not stoping but opening his eyes to give you a confused glare.

“you’re getting off just from eating my pussy? how many of your hookups know you’re a munch?”

jake’s suddenly pulling his mouth off and fingers out of you with a cold look, but the hand on his cock never slows. if anything, it gets faster.

“if you’re gonna be a brat then i’m not making you cum.”

you’re thrown off, not expecting him to react this way, or how strangely embarrassed yet turned on it makes you feel. something about how angrily jake glares at you while he fists his big cock, even while he’s the one kneeling at your feet, it makes you feel oddly small.

and as much as it pains you to admit, desperate.

“i’m- i’m…sorry?”

jake lets out a humored scoff, shaking his head.

“you’re gonna have to do better than that. beg.”

you grit your teeth as you let out a frustrated sigh, unable to make eye contact as you force yourself to speak.

“please…make me cum.”

jake gives you an utterly unimpressed expression. “or i can just leave-“

“no! please, i- i’m sorry. i’ll be good, i wont be a brat anymore. just please make me cum?”

jake’s lips slowly stretch into a smirk that makes chills run down your spine, watching as his hand returns to his dick to rub over the leaking tip.

you unconsciously lick your lips and swallow.

“you’re gonna be a good girl for me?” he asks darkly.

“y- yes. i’ll be a good girl.”

jake’s diving back in with double the passion, his fingers slipping right back in as he curls them just right inside of you, hurling you towards climax.

“ah, j-jake, please! need- can i?” you pant, hardly able to get a word out as he’s sucking at your clit, giving it special attention.

he hums and you take it as a yes, thighs trembling as you cum all over jake’s chin.

“my turn.” jake growls, standing up and pushing you down to kneel in front of him, barely giving you any time to catch your breath before he’s shoving his dick in your mouth. still, you moan out happily, admittedly dying to have him in your mouth the moment you saw his pretty, pink tip and how big he is.

“that’s it, suck my cock like a good little slut.” jake orders, admiring how hot you look sitting on the floor in your short little cheer skirt. he grabs your hair in two fists, chuckling at how it looks like makeshift pigtails as he pulls on your hair to guide you further down his cock.

you sputter, struggling to take his bulbous tip down your throat but loving it and the stretch your jaw has to make to accommodate him.

he’s literally fucking your face, letting out little groans as he harshly snaps his hips against you.

once he looks down and sees your pretty eyes already looking up at him, it’s over.

jake deeply growls when he presses your face flat against his pelvis, cock shoved deeply down your throat as he pumps out his hot load, forcing you to swallow it all. (not that you wouldn’t have anyway.)

jake pulls you off of him with a wet pop, trying to it to ogle at how you lick his cum off your lips.

tucking himself back inside his pants, you look for your own clothes as jake finds a towel to wipe his hands and face off with, before tossing it in a nearby hamper.

“um,” jake starts, biting his lip as an awkward air takes over between you. “i am actually sorry, about…whatever i did that’s made you feel like i ruined it with heeseung for you.”

“it’s…it’s whatever. i’m sorry too, i kinda lost it.”

jake laughs softly, the sound breaking a little of the tension as he looks up to make direct eye contact. “i think we both did, but it’s okay. maybe we should just call it even?”

“sure,” you smile, combing your hair out of your face, trying to make it look like you didn’t just get eaten out and throat fucked in the locker room. (though you doubt anyone is around at this point, or at least you hope.)

“i’ll come around sometime to walk layla, just shoot me a text…and i really will answer this time.” you joke, jake taking the initiative to grab your cheer bag for you.

“sooo…do you still want me to be your tutor?”

“yeah! i do.” you answer simply, an annoying little voice in the back of your head saying that maybe chaeryeong was right, and you really did just need to fuck the frustration out of each other. even though there wasn’t actually any fucking…

“i still have something i’m wondering though,” you say as the two of you walk out of the locker room, jake letting you lead the way out of the stadium.

“what were you doing at basketball practice? on monday.”

“oh, well, normally heeseung comes with jay to our place and we game or something, after their practice. but i got off early and just decided to drop in.”

“where do you work?” you ask, looking over to jake and watching how he slightly swings your bag side to side as he walks.

“part time at the cafe, in the cafeteria…you haven’t seen me?” he asks jokingly, a faux pout on his lips.

“no.” you play along, answering ‘smugly’ as you lift your chin up, before giggling. “no, i usually have my lunch in the library.”

“oh, toooo…study?”

“i wish. if i spent that time studying i probably wouldn’t need a tutor,“ you admit with a bashful smile. “but usually i’m reading something.”

“oh! what do you like to read?”

“ah,” you whine, covering your face as you let out an embarrassed laugh. usually you’re undisturbed in the library, everyone else is typically there to study, have some alone time, or eat their lunch in a place that’s quiet. you’ve never had anyone ask you what you’re reading.

“it’s…embarrassing. i’m gonna sound boring.”

“what?” jake laughs, turning in front of you and walking backwards so he can fully look at you. “tell me, i’m dying to know now.”

“i mean, usually it’s about animal history-“

“right! biology major.” jake remembers.

“yup.” you nod. “buuut, sometimes i read biographies or like, theories.”

jake’s ears practically perk, but you don’t notice, pushing open a door before jake’s back can run into it.

“oh, thanks.” he says before returning to your side after the close call, deciding he’d rather not possibly fall right in front of you with your heavy cheer bag to land on top of him. “theories? what- what kind of theories?”

“right now i’m reading einstein’s.”

jake looks over to you with widened eyes, surprised because he’s never met anyone else that actually has an interest in stuff like that. he’s tried to rant to jay or heeseung about that kind of stuff, be he can tell they’re just replying on auto pilot, not really listening.

jake wonders how far you’ve read, what all you know. he’s practically tingling with excitement, about to ask you if you know about the team of scientists that disproved one of einstein’s theories when-

“well, i’m gonna get back to my dorm now,”you say just as you reach the campus sidewalk, street lamps lighting the path as dusk turns to darkness.

“i can walk you? it’s pretty late.” jake offers, already moving as though to go with you.

you feel your heart stop, a feeling you can only describe as ‘oh no’ burning a hole into the pit of your stomach.

“jake…earlier…it was just casual, yknow…”

jake stares at you, eyes round and capturing the lights in his dark pupils like stars in the sky. he stills, free hand going inside his pocket while the other still holds your bag.

“not that i’m assuming anything!” you hurry to add. “just thought i’d…clarify.”

“yeah…yeah, i know. i just- i just didn’t think it’d be a big deal to walk you home.”

“it’s not a big deal. that’s why i can do it myself.” you explain as nonchalantly as you can, but on the inside you feel like there’s needles pricking your skin, hairs all standing on end. you’re dying to be out of this situation, anxiety making you feel like prey, wanting to run, run, run.

“right! yeah, of course!”

you smile smoothly, leaning in to take your bag from his hand.

“i’ll see you at our next session, okay?”

“okay.” jake smiles softly, but you don’t look for too long, turning your back too soon, listening to the voice yelling in your head to leave.

you hear jake’s voice behind you as you walk down the paved path, his voice slightly carrying into the night.

“stay safe, pom-poms!”

you laugh, little and quiet to yourself as you whisper.

“jerk.”

(❤︎)

for the next week you’re busier than ever: tutor sessions, cheer practice, competition days, your usual studies and classes, taking layla on walks every now and then when jake is at work.

and yet, you’re thriving.

jake’s ‘hard work on you’— as he put it, is paying off.

you’re at your usual spot that you and jake have your sessions, his house.

the clock strikes 10 pm when you finally call it quits. layla (who’s been switching between sitting on your and jake’s feet from underneath the table) jumps up the second she hears the slam of your notebook and jake getting up to put away his study material.

“what is it, girl?” you laugh, watching the golden furred dog do an excited little wiggle dance in front of you.

she looks from you, to the front door, and back at you again.

“jake, i think she wants to go outside.”

uh-oh. you said her buzzword.

at the mention of ‘outside’, layla becomes twice as restless, whining and pawing at the front door with her claws.

“layla, no,” jake stops her, pulling her away from the door before she can scratch the wood.

“are you gonna take her?” you ask, jake turning his head to you as he continues to pat and scratch layla’s back, trying to sedate her.

“maybe just for a little bit, once you go home.”

“…i’ll go with you.” you offer, jake’s brows raising slightly in surprise.

“you don’t have to, y/n. i know we have a ‘deal’ but i don’t actually care if you-“

“i want to.” you shrug.

“you do?”

“yeah?”

“aren’t you tired?” jake asks, standing up and tilting his head at you.

you tilt yours back at him, a teasing smirk on your face. “i’m not. are you?”

jake takes one look at your smirk and falls into your trap, so easily persuaded by even the notion of a challenge. grabbing layla’s leash out of a nearby drawer in the kitchen, he hooks it onto layla’s collar and puts on his slides.

“lets go.” he smiles, you laughing at how his accent really pops out when he says the word ‘go’.

“what’s so funny?” he giggles with you despite not knowing why, watching as you hurriedly slip the shoes closest to you— which happen to be jake’s crocs that he never wears. they’re way too big, you putting them in ‘sport mode’ to try and combat the obvious size issue.

it doesn’t work. but despite that, they stay on.

“you look like a garden gnome,” jake laughs, letting you playfully slap him on the shoulder and watching how you bolt out the door a second later with a screech, like a kid playing tag.

“don’t run in them!! poms, you’re going to fall!” he yells, quickly grabbing a coat off the hook for you in case you get cold before he and layla hurry out the door and after you.

you walk around for about 15 minutes, eventually coming upon a gas station.

“…you hungry?”

you end up being the one to go inside the gas station while jake stays outside with layla, since dogs aren’t allowed in. he watches you closely the entire time though, staring at you while he stands right at the glass door entrance.

“i’m a big girl, you know.” you laugh once you walk back out, jake holding the door open for you. “im not gonna die if you’re not there to watch me.”

“i know, but gas stations at night just kinda freak me out.” jake whines, taking the plastic bag from your hands while you hold the two cups of hot ramen. you go and sit at a nearby bench that’s right beneath a window, the glow of the gas station’s light’s shining a light on the area around you.

“did you make it how i told you?” jake sing-songs as he ties layla’s leash to the bench’s leg, the dog taking the time to enjoy the break as she lays by his feet obediently.

“yes, i followed your obscenely specific instructions down to the very detail to make you the perfect ramen, jake.” you roll your eyes in faux annoyance, handing the cup of ramen to him, as well as a plastic fork.

“thank you.” he smiles coyly, taking the container from you.

“you’re welcome, princess.” you sigh jokingly.

you take a few bites of your ramen before speaking up again, as jake seems completely content to wordlessly munch on his food.

“so what are you and the boy’s gonna do this weekend?”

“mmm,” jake hums, swallowing before continuing. “i think we’re going over to felix’s.”

“oh.” you reply, picking up your drink to take a sip a second later.

even though it was chill when you last saw felix, you still feel a little awkward when his name comes up…or maybe it’s guilt you’re feeling.

“what’s up with that?” jake asks, looking at how your body language has changed to uncomfortable.

“what’s up with what?”

“…all of it, i guess.” jake specifies, and he sounds serious. like he really wants to know your history with felix.

you exhale and hope it doesn’t sound shaky, giving yourself a moment to take another bite of your food as you gather your thoughts. usually you might say ‘i don’t want to talk about it’ or ‘i don’t know’, but after hearing what jake said that first time you were over at your house…you want him to hear your side. even though your side doesn’t really excuse what you did.

“we…i liked him, freshman year. and he didn’t at first, but then he came around and eventually asked me out. and…he was honestly really great, he was a wonderful partner and i…really, really liked him.”

“so then…why? why’d you…”

“drop him?” you finish jake’s trailed of sentence for him.

he nods.

“i just…” you pause, looking down at your shoes and twisting the soles of them into the concrete. your heart wanes in realization that you’re about to talk about it. “sometimes i get really scared when- someone…cares about me? i don’t know. i don’t know how to describe it.”

“why does someone caring for you scare you?”

“i’m not sure. feeling…pressure? to be perfect, to keep them from leaving? or…scared of having someone that i care for so much, because…that means they could really hurt me.”

“when did that start?” jake asks softly, voice free of judgement, even pity— you think. just a gentle desire to understand.

“oh, i don’t know.” you laugh, though there’s no real humor behind it. you look down at layla and the way the light hits her fur, turning the tips a flaming gold. “parent stuff, friend stuff…i had a really shitty ex in high school.”

jake barks out a short laugh. “same, i think it’s a part of the teenage experience.”

“trauma builds character.” you say matter-of-factly, jake giggling as you can’t help but join him.

“i am sorry though, about what happened to you and that it’s made you feel this way. you didn’t deserve that.”

you bite your lip, staring at each other as your stomach twists from the soft timber of his voice and the gentleness of his words.

you look away.

“i know what i did to him was wrong. it doesn’t excuse it….”

“…no.” jake confirms. “but it does make sense. and it’s good that you know what the problem is now.”

“yeah,” you agree with a small smile, heart still heavy, but at the same time you do feel a bit better after talking about it.

“and i have gotten better. i still get scared, and sometimes i have unconscious bad habits, but i’ve gotten better at…telling my brain to shut up, when i realize.” you struggle to explain, but jake nods his head like he gets it.

your arms shiver slightly, from the cool night air or the adrenaline rush after voicing your feelings— you’re not sure.

jake unties the jacket from around his waist and lays it over your shoulders, but your goosebumps remain.

(❤︎)

as you walk into physics class you take a small glance at jake, offering a quick smile as you pass by him at his usual spot in front row before you go and sit down towards the middle.

there’s already someone sitting to your right, so you’re about to sit your bag on the left seat for chae (who’s apparently running late) when jake abruptly appears and takes the spot.

you’re staring at him with a confused ‘what the fuck’ face as he finishes opening his backpack and placing his things down, putting on his glasses so he can see the professor and their material from far away before turning to smile at you.

“hi,” he whispers.

you try to change your expression to a more casual one, seeing that he for some reason decided to change his usual seating arrangements to sit next to you, and that seems to be his only prerogative.

“hey…” you whisper back, turning to face the front after.

the professor begins the class, but you can’t focus. jake keeps trying to help you, leaning close to add on to what the professor is saying, then he notices the eraser on your pencil is almost gone and gives you a new one. but worst of all, when you tilt your head to write something down, hair cascading like a curtain over your face, jake gently moves to tuck your hair behind your ear, smiling sweetly at you when you glance at him.

you’re not confused anymore. you think you know exactly what’s going on and you’re…you don’t know what to do. everything suddenly feels like it’s spiraling into a mess and you desperately want to feel like you’re in control of it again.

so you cross your legs and lean in jake’s direction, taking it slow and simply brushing up against his pant leg.

jake’s eyes look down but quickly move back up to the front of the class, maybe assuming it’s on accident, though his expression does look slightly frazzled.

you want to mess him up more.

thankful for the table that’s about to cover your sins, you place your hand right above jake’s knee.

he fully acknowledges you now, snapping his head to give you a confused look, trying and failing to hide how flustered he is thanks to his blushing ears.

you tilt your head to indicate confusion, your ‘innocent’ act not fooling him at all as you creep your hand farther up his leg, to the meatier part of his thigh. the higher you go, the pinker his cheeks grow, looking more and more adorable.

you feel like a predator that’s caught her prey when you squeeze and his body jerks, hair falling into his eyes before he shakes it away and adjusts his glasses.

you feel like your pupils dilate at the action, watching jake sitting there and not even telling you to stop, letting you touch him in class where anyone could catch you. he’s dressed like the smart boy he is today, his polo shirt and kaki pants paired with oval framed glasses almost giving a nerdy virgin vibe. it makes you really wet, especially since you’re so close to his cock, which you never got to touch with your hands.

a bulge is starting to grow in his pants and you let your fingers barely graze over it as you start massaging his thigh.

“y-y/n?” he speaks so softly you would miss it if it weren’t for how close you sit together.

“hm?”

you glance up at him casually, like you’re fingers aren’t narrowly avoiding his cock right now, and it’s driving him crazy.

it’s making him desperate.

you’re in the middle of class and yet he’s dying for you to just touch his dick already.

he’s debating between if he should ask or not when you finally put your whole hand over his bulge. he stops a whine from bubbling up his throat as your touch is still feather light, not even giving him the grace of more pressure. pushing his hips up into your palm, you pull away, bringing your hands back into your lap and attention back on the professor.

“what? b- baby-“

“what, nerd?” you say with a little bite, and the name has jake twitching in his pants.

“pl- please? can you keep…touching me?”

“we’re in class, jake.” you say, pretending to be mildly annoyed, as if you weren’t the one who started all this.

a tiny noise escapes from jake’s throat, squeezing his eyes shut as he clenches his thighs, trying to relieve the pulsing of his own dick as blood rushes down south.

“jake!” you scold with a harsh whisper, genuinely surprised by how shameless he’s getting.

“please, y/n.” he struggles out, voice whiney. “i need you.”

your breath turns shakey, the facade of being unaffected crumbling as you feel yourself getting more and more turned on. granting him mercy, you bring your hand back down to fully grope his bulge, eyes growing wide as you’re reminded of how big he is.

“fuck.” you sigh, jake giving a twitchy thrust at your voice.

“dirty boy.” is all you say before facing the class again, really trying not to get caught now as your touches turn into you basically jacking him off over his pants.

jake humps into your hand as subtly as he can, almost missing how the professor’s asking him a question if it weren’t for how you pinch his thigh to break him out of it.

“w-what?” jake asks, sounding far from intelligent.

“i said, what is the speed of darkness, mr. sim.”

“oh- um,”

your hand goes right back to jacking him off, stopping at the tip of his dick to massage over it. jake swallows down a cry.

“i expected this to be easy, especially for you, mr. sim.”

“it- it has none.” he croaks out, voice almost raising in his efforts to avoid his building orgasm, the panic almost making him reach that point faster. “darkness is the absence of light, so it doesn’t h- have any speed.”

“correct! dark is simply the absence of photons which means-“

“i’m gonna cum.” jake says as quietly as possible, leaning back in his chair and pushing his face into the side of your arm, hiding his face. “y/n, m’gonna!”

you stop your hand and push him off of you, sitting up straighter as you whisper “after class”, leaving jake trembling in his chair, panting under his breath and too desperate to argue.

it feels like an eternity has passed when class ends, you getting up immediately and jake rushing to follow you. you lead him out into the hallway, hurrying up and opening a closet door before the crowds of other students fill the halls. jake practically moans when you grab him by the shirt and shove him inside, shutting the door behind you. it’s dark as you feel for the light switch, unable to find it.

“fuck, where’s the lights?”

you hear a click and the small closet is dimly illuminated, jake standing right in front of you with wide, shiny eyes, holding a string that’s connected to the one lightbulb that lights the space, which you now can see is a janitor’s closet.

“oh, thank you.” you say normally, like your panties aren’t soaking wet, before pushing him against the wall, almost knocking over a mop bucket as you intensely make out with jake.

the boy lets you swallow down his long moan of relief, needy hands grasping at your hips and already trying to rut against your leg.

“you really that desperate? can’t help but hump your big cock against me?”

jake whimpers, looking at you with big, pretty brown eyes as he wordlessly begs you.

“maybe you aren’t that smart of a nerd. can’t even talk? does your dick getting some attention make you that dumb?”

“yes! yes, yes, m’ so dumb. so stupid for you. please make me cum? it hurts, baby, please?”

“fuck me.” you order. “then you can cum.”

jake takes a second to process your words before he’s stripping himself bare.

“can- can you take off everything, please? wanna feel all of you.” he asks adorably, and you grant him his wish, albeit— you have to tease him. you peel off your clothes so slowly, jake watching every inch of your skin being revealed like he’s never seen a woman’s body before, hands clenching at his sides with the need to touch you.

“please, please, please.” he chants under his breath, almost to himself unconsciously.

“c’mere, jakey.” you coo, him hugging himself up to you a millisecond later.

he’s whimpering and slobbering into your neck as he attempts to give you kisses in his messy state of mind. you start to giggle until his cock catches at the entrance of your pussy and causes you to let out a whine, jake getting more excited (if it’s possible) after feeling how wet you are for him.

“y/n, please.” he blubbers, resting his forehead against yours.

“you can go inside, baby. fuck me, touch me. i don’t care anymore, just give me your cock.”

jake slowly pushes himself inside, the both of you moaning in relief before jake starts fucking into you slowly.

his face is sweating, glasses sliding down his nose bridge as he tries to give you time to adjust fully to his length. you’re so tight, looking so pretty while your eyes are squeezed shut, head leaning back against the wall as you’re stretched out around his dick. jake peppers little kisses all over the exposed expanse of your neck, you letting out happy little noises at his careful care and the feeling of him inside you.

“you okay, babygirl?”

“yeah, jakey. you can go deeper.”

slowly, jake pushes in as far as he can go, hips flush against yours. his cock is long, reaching places that haven’t been reached in a long time, but still…

“no,” you tremble, knowing it can be even better. “hold on.”

pushing his chest off of you a little to give more space, you lift your right leg and hook it around his shoulder, your other still firmly on the ground.

“okay, keep going.” you almost beg, desperate to be fucked into the wall.

“holy shit…” jake marvels, thrusting as deeply into you as he possibly can go, the new angle making his tip press into your cervix.

“oh my god!” he almost growls as his control slips from his grasp, hips gaining speed as he starts to pound into you. the rough quality of his previously sweet tone has you clenching, making him lose it even more. “you’re so fucking flexible.”

“m- m’a cheerleader.” is all you can manage to get out and explain when jake is fucking you so hard, making you feel so good. the slapping noises of jake’s thrusts and your wet pussy isn’t quiet, but you’re too cock drunk to worry about it, and jake is too lost in the way your needy cunt takes him so well.

“damn right, you are, baby.”

forcing your eyes to focus an jake’s intense gaze as he watches every one of your minute expressions, you see how his glasses rest lop sided on his face, releasing the grip you have on jake’s strong shoulders to fix them.

there’s a shift in jake’s eyes after you do this, and you’re beginning to feel as though he’s looking right through your skin and into your soul. then jake’s big hands wrap tightly around your back, stretching your leg further as you’re pressed flush against him and the wall. his rhythm turns erratic as your moans get louder, the hot air in the small space too thick for you to catch your breath.

“sweet girl, with an even sweeter little cunt, yeah?” he drawls, accent turning thicker as he licks into your mouth and presses sloppy kisses onto your lips in between words. “taking my cock like a champ, baby. taking me like a good girl.”

“please, jake. need to cum.” you cry weakly, looking up at him with glassy eyes.

“cum for me, sweetheart. make me all messy.”

you obey his words with a muffled cry as he cradles your head into his neck, trying to make sure no one hears your sounds of pleasure.

he tries his best to hold on long enough to fuck you through your high before he pulls out, fisting his own cock.

you don’t want to miss it, falling on your weak knees and opening your mouth to stick out your tongue, looking up at him and begging with your eyes for him to give it to you.

jake can’t even speak as his hands moves in a blur, the only cognitive thought in his mind how pretty you look kneeling for him, begging for his cum, before he’s unloading into your mouth.

you take it all, swallowing and leaning forward to suck on his tip like a lollipop after, licking him clean.

once jake is able to get himself together and your legs feel a little less like jello, who helps you stand and get dressed.

you laugh once you’re both fully clothed, watching jake clean his glasses lens with his shirt.

“what?” jake smiles tiredly, straightening his polo. “do i look normal?” and like we didn’t just fuck in the janitor’s closet?

“no,” you giggle, shaking your head as you reach up to comb through his very tousled hair. “okay, that’s better.”

“thank you.” jake smiles tenderly, making that funny feeling in your stomach present again before he presses a quick kiss to your lips. “i’ll text you, baby.”

“o-….okay…” you mumble, jake giggling as he thinks your dazed look is just because you’re still a little fucked dumb.

“you want me to slip out first?”

“um, yeah.” you answer, watching jake peek out the door before flashing you one more sweet smile before he’s out, shutting the door behind him.

you don’t know what you’re going to do.

(❤︎)

“dude, just ask her out already.” jay says as he lays down to spread out on jake’s bed like a star fish.

“i am!” jake insists, accepting that he’s probably not going to get anymore studying done when jay’s in his bedroom yapping away. shutting his laptop, jake swivels his desk chair around and quirks a brow at how jay lays on his bed like he owns it.

“then do it! what are you waiting for?”

“i just don’t want to overwhelm her, i think if i move too fast it’ll scare her. but…i think I’m gonna ask her tonight.”

jay sits up on his elbows. “you’re inviting her?” he asks, referring to the game night the boys were planning to have with heeseung at their place.

“yeah. i’ve already asked her, she says she can come after some cheer event she’s doing today.”

“wow…” jay sighs, now looking a little surprised as he processes.

“what?”

“i can’t believe you got a cheerleader girlfriend before me or heeseung.”

jake starts to be offended before he smirks, standing up from his chair and combing his hair out of his face.

“that’s because i’m sexy and smart. now take the L and help me clean up before she gets here.”

(❤︎)

it’s 8:00 pm when you finally get to jake and jay’s house, jake waiting for you by the door.

“hi, how was the event?”

“it was good. they had us outside all day but the weather wasn’t too warm.”

“good!” jake smiles as he opens the door for you and leads you to the living room. “ready to beat these guys in a game with me?”

“i really suck at video games, jake.” you laugh just as you walk into the room, seeing jay and heeseung sitting at the sofa.

jake sees heeseung’s eyes light up when he sees you, and jake feels a bit annoyed— then guilty. heeseung doesn’t know about you and jake, the australian not having time to tell him about your ‘thing’ before you showed up.

“hey, y/n! come sit.” jay invites.

you move to sit down on the couch, the only space available being next to heeseung. jake sits against your legs, his cuddly nature making you blush and feel a little self conscious while in front of everyone else, moving your legs to criss-cross them on the cushion instead.

something about being at their house with heeseung over again, in this room, makes you think about what you’ve been trying not to this entire time: what jake said.

do they all think you’re a player?

do they know about you and jake’s hookups?

if the answer is yes, then they probably also think you’re just with jake to get in his pants, to chew him up and spit him out.

but what do you really want?…and what…what does jake want?

you’ve felt off since the classroom incident, and you thought maybe hanging out casually would make you feel better, but it seems to only be making it worse.

“y/n?”

heeseung concerned voice snaps you out of your head and you look at him. he’s holding out a gaming controller for you, and you take it, the object feeling a bit big in your hands.

“here,” jake offers gently, turning around from his place on the floor as he positions your hands over the controller. “it’ll probably be easier for you to hold it like this.”

“thanks.” you say unconsciously soft, probably because of the proximity between you and jake’s faces.

he smiles that cute smile at you again, the one that makes his eyes sparkle, and you feel legitimately sick.

“do you want me to explain the game to you?” heeseung offers.

“i can,” jake starts to interrupt, but you stop him as you gesture for him to sit back down.

“it’s fine, jake. hee’s right here.”

you hope the excuse of heeseung sitting right next to you is a good enough excuse for why you don’t want jake coddling over you. you just…you can’t think clearly with him near right now.

once you start the multi player game and you go for a few rounds, heeseung starts getting kinda touchy with you. first letting his thighs touch yours, which is probably unconscious. the sofa is rather squishy and deep, it’s easy to sink into it— and thus, you. but then he starts smiling at you a lot and praising you whenever you do something right. you try not to encourage heeseung’s treatment while also ignoring how jake keeps turning to take peeks at you together.

very unexpectedly, you find a few advantage items and end up winning a round, heeseung throwing up his arms in excitement while jay loudly cheers.

“that was awesome, y/n!” heeseung says before wrapping you in an unexpected hug. you smile proudly at yourself, returning his quick hug.

“y/n and i will go get some drinks.” jake abruptly announces in a low tone before grabbing your arm and pulling you away from heeseung.

“jake. jake! why are you pulling me?” you say as he continues down the hall, not looking or speaking to you until you get to the kitchen.

“what was that?” he asks demandingly after spinning around to face you, eyes hard and looking at you angrily.

“what was what?”

“you and heeseung!”

“there is no me and heeseung, jake.” you sigh, rubbing your temples as you feel a headache coming on. this whole evening has honestly been nothing but stressful, and you’re starting to regret coming.

“well it sure looked like you were a thing…i thought we…”

he trails off and your heart full on stops, eyes wide as you stare at jake.

“you thought…what?” you ask, scared out of your mind.

“i like you.” jake says softly, looking up from the floor to gaze at you with hopeful eyes. “and i think…i think you like me too, right?”

you take a few deep breaths, brows furrowing as panic and fear take over the rational part of your brain.

“you sure you want to like the ‘typical dumb cheerleader’?” you air quote, jake’s face falling as your eyes already start to sting.

“oh my god, you heard that? baby, i’m so, so sorry. i-…i don’t think that now, i was being an asshole.”

despite how hard you try to keep them at bay, to blink them back, to keep the angry facade up— you can’t. your walls finally crumble down as you cry into your hands, letting the ache that’s been slowly growing in your heart over these past few weeks take over your whole chest.

“you- you don’t still think i’m a h- heartbr- break-“

you can’t even get a full sentence out between your crying and gasps of air, jake coming closer with open arms to wrap you in a hug, to squeeze you against his warm chest.

“no, no, no. sweet girl, oh my god.” he says almost like it’s to himself, before he’s culling your damp cheeks.

“c’mon, baby. look at me?” he coos sadly, and you do, putting aside your shame and lifting your face, watching his regretful eyes flit over your teary orbs and broken expression.

“i am so sorry that the harsh, untruthful words i said hurt you so badly, and i’m so sorry it’s taken me this long to apologize. i was legitimately an asshole to you and you didn’t deserve it. i had you pinned down in my head of who i thought you were and i treated you differently because of it, when i didn’t even bother getting to know you. and i’m so sorry, sweetheart.”

jake tries to wipe away the tears that slip down your cheeks as you try to calm down, still hurt but feeling better after his words.

“you- you don’t think i’m a bad person? because- because i honestly wouldn’t blame you if you did.” you dare to ask.

“no!” jake states firmly. “no, baby. you’re not and i don’t think that. i think you’re kind and generous. hardworking and smart. beautiful and funny and so, so easy to fall for.”

“jake…” you whisper, cheeks burning as you attempt to hide you face in his chest. but jake doesn’t let you, cupping your jaw in his palms as he nuzzles his nose against yours.

“do you like me, poms?” he whispers nervously, breath fanning over your lips as you feel like you’re about to drown from the depth of emotions he manages to hold in his eyes.

“i…i do, jake. i really, really like you.”

jake smiles, teeth biting at his bottom lip to try and contain it.

“but,” you’re quick to say when jake starts to lean in, halting his actions. “i…i need time…to think. i…”

“it’s okay, y/n. you don’t have to explain it to me. i’ll wait for you.” jake whispers, staring forlornly at your lips, but not moving. “even if you tell me not to, i’d still wait for you.”

your heart skips a beat and you pull away, afraid you’ll lose your resolve and dive into his kiss if you don’t.

“okay. i’ll…i’ll see you, jake.”

“see you, y/n.” jake smiles, but despite trying his best, it doesn’t make it to his eyes. you walk out of the kitchen before fleeing from his house, speeding to your dorm and collapsing onto your bed and bursting into sobs.

(❤︎)

3 days.

3 days, going on four, since you’ve spoken to jake. you know he’s trying really hard not to overwhelm you, to resist coming over and talking to you, but you still catch staring at you in class when he thinks you don’t notice.

you do.

you notice him, always.

you want to go to him, you miss him so much. but it’s feels like there’s chains of fear wrapped around your heart, weighing you down and tugging you away from him.

you’re walking across campus in the afternoon to go back to your dorm, feeling like a zombie like you have been since you last spoke to jake.

you run into something with stops your lazy, slow steps, looking up to see felix staring wide at you.

“oh, y/n! hey!”

“h-hi! sorry, lix.” you apologize for running into him, trying to sound at least half as chipper as him.

“that’s alright. so, jay told me about you and jake,” he implores in a teasing way, nudging your arm with his elbow as he smiles. “how’s that going?”

it takes you a few seconds to feel the pain in your heart at simply hearing his name before you start crying, felix almost flinching back in surprise as you try to wipe your tears away as quickly as they come.

“i’m- i’m so sorry, felix. i’m a mess right now.”

“hey, hey, it’s okay, y/n. why don’t we sit down and you can tell me about it.”

felix wraps a comforting arm around your shoulder and leads you to sit down at a nearby bench. taking a gentle hold of your hand, he encourages you to tell him what happened.

and you do, you tell him everything. from the very beginning to the very end.

“i just- i don’t know what to do, felix. i like him so much it scares me. i’ve never let- let somebody get this close to me this fast before.” you sniffle. “and i just- i can’t stop thinking about how much it would hurt this time, because- because i think if i let myself be with him, i’ll never want to leave.”

“oh, y/n.” felix sighs, pulling you in for a hug. “don’t you see? jake is an amazing guy, and you like him. which isn’t a reason to leave, it’s a reason to stay, to keep going and not give up. don’t you get it?”

he asks, looking you in the eyes as you feel his words click something into place in your brain. it isn’t a reason to leave, it’s why you should stay.

“don’t give him up, y/n.” felix urges softly. your heart squeezes with undeniable fondness, reaching forward to wrap the boy in a tight hug of your own.

“you’re right. thank you, felix.”

“it’s okay, y/n. go get your man.” he smiles genuinely.

“and felix?” you begin as you pull away to look him in the eyes.

“yeah?”

“i’m sorry, lixie.” you apologize, and he knows what for.

“i know, y/n.” felix’s voice wavers at the unexpected sentiment, but his sunshine disposition still remains. “i’m happy now. we’re okay. all is forgiven.”

you know it’s not a good enough apology despite his words, but you’ll find another time to properly say sorry, to give him the apology he deserves. but for now, you give him one more tight squeeze before running off to find jake.

he’s not working at the cafe today, all his classes are usually over by now and there’s no basketball practice for him to tag along to, so the only other place you can think to go look is his house.

when you messily park in the driveway and knock at the door, it’s a bewildered jay that answers.

“oh, y/n! he’s- jake’s walking layla right now.”

“do you know which direction he went?”

jay points and you take off down his neighborhood sidewalk, jay watching you disappear around a corner with his jaw slightly open in confusion, finger still raised, before he shrugs his shoulders and goes back inside with a mumbled little ‘whatever’ to himself.

your running turned to jogging, and now you’re sluggishly walking, your exhaustion and the sight of the sun setting making you lose hope as you stare down at your own feet that lazily step on the pavement.

what if jake doesn’t even want you anymore? did you already mess it up?

an echoed voice carries down the street and you lift your head, the tone of it sounding familiar. turning the corner one more time, your heart feels like it’s been brought back to life when you see jake and layla in the distance.

jake crouches in front of layla, the dog looking bored and tiredly panting as he raises his hand to scratch behind her ears, giving her a sad little smile.

“sorry, girl…i know. i miss her too.”

something tugs you forward, those heavy chains that were previously around your heart broken and unable to hold you back anymore.

“jake!” you call, jake looking up to your approaching figure.

“y/n?”

your slow steps turn to running when jake opens his arms, practically catching you with how you leap into his embrace.

“y/n?” he repeats, looking deep into your eyes like he can’t believe he’s feeling your smaller body in his arms right now, seeing you so up close again.

you wrap your arms around his neck and crash your lips into his, jake immediately kissing you back with just as much fever. your tongues lick into each other’s mouth like you haven’t tasted the other in ages, jake raising a hand to cup your cheek and press you impossible closer.

“jake,” you gasp in air after fighting to part from jake’s eager lips.

“sweetheart.” jake practically coos, eyes half-lidded and sounding love drunk as he spares you only a moment before he’s kissing you again.

“jake!” you pull away again, your attempt to sound scolding failing due to your little giggles that give your true emotions away. but how can you not when jake’s ticklish butterfly kisses are being peppered across your neck.

“let me talk!”

“hurry.” jake whines, pressing to more pecks to your lips.

“i- i wanna stay! i want to be with you.”

“i wanna be with you too, babygirl.” jake whispers fondly, staring into your eyes and how they capture the sunset’s shining rays. it’s the prettiest sunset he’s ever seen, viewing it in this way. “does this mean you’ll be mine?”

“i think i’ve been yours for a while already, jakey.”

jake’s like a kid at a candy store with your lips right in front of him. you’re unable to enjoy his absolutely gorgeous smile from your words for more than a second before his lips are attached to yours again, capturing you in another passionate kiss.

you whine into it, pushing at his chest much to jake’s displeasure.

“but i’m probably still gonna get scared sometimes.”

“i know, baby.”

a kiss.

“and- and i’m good at communicating but-“

another.

“sometimes i need encouragement.”

“i can do that, sweetheart.” he promises with another deep kiss. you push him away again.

“but, jake?”

he smiles with a defeated groan, leaning his head onto your shoulder before he looks at you.

“yeah, sweetie?”

“what if i…did try? to run away again.” you ask, not because you think you will, but because you want to know his answer.

he answers easily, like it’s a no brainer for him.

“then i’d chase after you every time.”

“…promise?”

“i promise.”

(❤︎)

jake doesn’t even take layla’s leash off when you bust through the front door, barely taking the time to shut it behind him before he’s picking you up, giggling at your adorable squeal and how your legs wrap around his waist without thinking.

you don’t even stop kissing as he blindly carries and maneuvers you around the house, feeling for his bedroom door knob with his one hand and opening it successfully.

he walks forward until he feels the frame of his bed against his shins and sets you down gently, finally detaching from your lips to gaze at you and how gorgeous you look laying in his bed, staring up at him with so much cb affection in your eyes that it has his cock twitching.

“what?” you smile, feeling a little squirmy under his gaze, but you remain still.

“nothing…you’re just so beautiful.”

your cheeks burn, biting at your smile as you move to take off your clothes. jake rushes to do the same, though it takes him a little longer as he has to stop every few moments to watch you strip.

you rub your thighs together with a moan as you see jake’s throbbing length, it’s pretty pink tip shining with his excitement.

“oh my god, baby. i don’t wanna go a day without you ever again. seeing you, talking to you, kissing you, fucking you. shit, m’gonna make you take my cock every day from now on.”

“please, jake, just put it in.” you whine, spreading open your legs and causing jake’s eyes to almost pop out of his skull.

“damn, baby.” he marvels, kneeling up on the bed as he comes closer to you, caressing his hands up and down your thighs as he stares at your pussy.

“jaaake, fuck me!”

“be patient, babygirl.” he warns with a small yet stinging slap to your thigh. “i will. but i gotta taste you first.”

he makes a spot for himself between your legs, laying on his belly before spreading open your pussy with his two, long fingers. clear slick webs between, jake shuddering out a heated ‘fuck’ before going in to lick it up with his tongue.

“oh god,” you whimper, raising your hands to your face, embarrassed by how wet you already are and how jake’s slurping every bit of it into his mouth.

“mmm,” jake hums disapprovingly, departing from your pussy only for a moment. “dont don’t do that. wanna watch my baby’s face while i eat her out.”

then jake goes back down to slowly push his tongue inside your entrance, your thighs twitching with the unexpected intrusion.

“j-jake!” you cry as he falls into a rhythm, rubbing your sopping clit while he fucks you with his tongue, big brown eyes staring you down as you find yourself unable to look away.

“o- oh, ffuck!”

your hands grip up the sheets into a fist, toes curling as jake’s incessant licking into your cunt and the perfect little circles he rubs into your clit makes you come more and more undone.

jake groans in pleasure at your own, the sound sending vibrations straight to your core and causing your entire body to flinch as you cry out.

“i- i think m’gonna cum already if you don’t stop, jake.” you whine, voice high pitched and unlike yourself.

the boy doesn’t stop. in fact, he goes deeper, curling the tip of his tongue into the spongy part of you.

you cum with a cry, legs trembling and squeezing around jake’s head as he happily cleans you up with his mouth.

“mmm, such a messy cunt, baby. taste so good.” jake sighs as he repositions to hover over you body, one hand stroking over his dick as he spreads your left over juices from his fingers across it.

he reaches across to his night stand, you presume to get out a condom.

“don’t. want- want you to fuck me raw, please? m’on the pill.”

“…holy shit.” jake murmurs, wide eyed.

he leans on his elbows, dipping closer to your face as you watch how his eyes roam over your every feature, taking in your beauty in the same way as you’re taking in his right now.

“my pretty girl, my good girl...” he gives you that smile that used to make you sick, but now it has butterflies in your stomach and your pussy clenching.

“mine.” jake whispers proudly, rubbing his nose against yours as he pushes inside of you slowly.

“how-“ you struggle, interrupted by your and jake’s moans as his dick is sucked in by your greedy cunt. “how do you talk so sweet when- when you’re doing bad things?”

jake just responds with an out of breath chuckle, bracing himself with a hand to your hip, groping and squeezing at your soft flesh.

as he starts thrusting into you, deep and slow, you feel like all the air has been knocked out of you.

you don’t know why, maybe it’s the angle or how he’s looking at you, maybe it’s because you just came or the emotional high of being reunited. all you know is that it only takes a few minutes for you to be trembling and whimpering into jake’s sheets as he fucks you dumb.

jake’s latched onto your tits— of course, moaning and whining as he slobbers all over your chest like your nipples taste like candy. and they might as well be, because to jake they’re that good.

“mmm, jakey, please. please. m’so close.”

jake is no better off than you, sweat glistening on his skin and his hips start to erratically buck into yours, his pants and your whimpers filling his bedroom.

“yeah, baby? my cock make you feel good?”

“y- yes!”

“y’gonna let me have this cunt every day, sweetheart? take my cum every day?”

“yes, baby, yes!” you either against the sheets, twisting your head to the side from the overwhelming pleasure as you try to hold back your oncoming orgasm, waiting for his permission. “gotta cum, jakey.”

“no, no, sweetie. gotta look at me first, babygirl.” he gently orders in a way that makes your stomach flip, holding your chin between his thumb and fingers before turning your head back to look at him. he brushes your hair out of your face, greeted with your glossy eyes and pouty lips, begging for him to have mercy.

“there she is. there’s my little girl.” he trembles out, biting his bottom lip and forcing his eyes to stay open and look at you, even as the pleasure gets too much. “look so cute while you’re falling apart on my cock.”

“pl-please…jake! need- need’ta-“

“let go, sweetheart. cum with me, baby.”

jake seals your lips with a kiss to suppress the cry you let out as you reach your highs together, trembling bodies holding out for as long as you can to ride out your orgasm.

jake collapses on the bed and cuddles you into his chest, hands brushing through your hair and making sure none of it is in your face.

jake’s phone dings with a text, and he leans over to pick it up. you watch his pretty, brown eyes as he reads the screen, before his lips quirk up in a smirk.

“what?” you ask.

“jay…he‘a asking if we’re done fucking yet.”

“oh my god!” you whine with embarrassment, burying your face into jake’s chest even further as he giggles.

“it’s okay. he said he figured he should put on some noise canceling headphones and make himself scarce when you came by looking for me.”

“still embarrassing…” you mumble, jake cupping your face to lift your head up and press a kiss to your forehead, then your lips.

“m’so glad you found me.” he confesses softly. you smile.

“i think we found each other.”

“mmm,” jake hums, resting his forehead against yours, looking at you like he can’t get enough of you. you’re sure you look the same.

“never gonna be able to go without my dumb little cheerleader girlfriend again.” he smiles teasingly, referencing to his previous harsh words he said about you.

it’s so funny how things can change when you really get to know someone. when you give them a chance.

“and i’m never gonna be able to go without my nerdy little boyfriend again.”

“hey,” he laughs, no real feelings other than happiness behind it. jake sits up on his elbows, caging you in to press a sweet, long kiss to your lips.

he pulls away just enough to be able to look into your eyes as he whispers.

“that was mean, pom-poms.”

you huff, shaking your head with a smile as your hands move to run through his hair, pulling him in for probably the hundredth and definitely not last kiss of the night.

“jerk.”

note) wow, you made it through! i really hope you enjoyed reading my baby 😭

i tried to make reader a lovable character with layers that some might find relatable/comforting, and that she didn’t seem like a pick me. so i hope that came across. the subject of being afraid of emotional intimacy while at the same time desperately wanting it is something that i struggle with myself. also the anxiety of letting someone see you wholly for who you are, and them still loving you. it’s horrific and scary but beautiful if you only let yourself be vulnerable enough.

the reason i ended it with reader still having anxieties and even saying ‘what if i try to run away again’. is because it’s not happily ever after once you’ve found your person, and reader’s problems aren’t going to magically go away because she ‘got the guy’. she’ll keep learning and growing and making mistakes. but the difference is she has someone in her corner who will be with her through it. hence jake saying ‘then i’ll chase after you’.

at some points i thought the dialogue might seem cheesy, but this is based in the way that i/my friends talk and conversations that i’ve had. so…take that how you want. maybe me and my circle is cheesy lol.

pleaaassseee leave a review/ask/comment- whatever. as i said this is my baby and im curious to see whatever you have to say about this work, what it made you feel or think about, and also answer any questions!! i have these characters pretty fleshed out so i’d like to think i have the answers lol.

thank you again for reading!! — jaz

[sheacouleecametoslay]

Season 8 (2016)

This might be an unpopular opinion, but I preferred Season 7 over Season 8. I just don't care about 50% of this cast, although luckily they're the first 6 boots. The fact that there was a Double Sashay Away says it all. Naysha Lopez didn't need to be brought back either. Plus Acid and Robbie don't come across as natural villains, although Derrick definitely does. Also, this is basically just Bob's coronation season. The runways were stronger the previous year. The Shade Tree twist was a gigantic flop. Untucked was pretty boring aside from a few moments, like Naysha getting annoyed at Chi Chi. And I think Season 8 suffers from being too short - it feels like a mini-season. And it's kind of a forgettable season. On the bright side, I will say that the judging seems fairer this time. The only challenge winner I disagreed with was the Book Ball. Speaking of that Book Ball, the baby and the mama themes were whatever, but the last category had some strong looks. The challenges were better overall though, and there's some talented queens here. The "Empire" parodies were so funny. "Bitch Perfect" was one of the better Rusicals. The Snatch Game wasn't my favourite, but Bob saves it. It's also the Snatch Game where Ru got mad at the celebrity guests' answers. The Final 6 once again forces the pairs with the most drama to work together for the policital advert. We really gotta do these political challenges every 4 seasons huh? So the cast size was shrunk down because the producers needed exactly 12 more contestants to reach a series total of 100; with Derrick Barry being that 100th queen to enter the Werk Room. The premiere was also the 100th episode, so it was a milestone episode. To commemorate this, the photoshoot incoperated the previous winners, excluding Bianca who was replaced by a clown. While the first maxi-challenge was a greatest hits collection of all the past design challenges. The rollerskate runway was interesting. The Madonna runway was a notorious flop. Season 8 had some drama too. Episode 5 starts off with Bob and Derrick trying to out-read each other. The Final 5 involves an explosion between Derrick and Naomi. Thorgy becomes fixated on Bob as the season progresses. And Acid tries to undermine Chi Chi in Episode 2. But once Derrick was gone, that final 4 was so friendly with each other lol. Also, "Rectangle girls of the world" is now stuck in my head.

Queens Ranking: 12. Acid Betty Acid was too deliberate as a villain... I want reality TV conflict to at least *seem* believable. She was just a villain for the sake of being a villain. She called the previous winners "wannabe drag queens", she disliked Trixie's make-up, she said Snatch Game sucks, she talked back to the judges, and she played mind games in the singing challenge. She also fought with team leader Chi Chi in episode 2 because Chi Chi wasn't prioritizing the choreo. The funniest part was Jamal Sims saying she's a team player. But it just felt like Acid was stirring the pot because she could; while displaying this devious smirk all season and being condescending. In her final episode, she talked about being ostracized in the drag scene, but Thorgy's comments at the start of the season made it sound like she brought it on herself. Anyways, Acid was actually a contender here. Her Money Ball look was well-made, she gave all those faces in the Rusical, and her multiple personality acting in "Empire" was good. She also brought a unique acid trip aesthetic to the runway, as seen in her neon and roller girl looks. The spider headpiece one was memorable too. But then she had no jokes as Nancy Grace in Snatch Game, and that was that. 11. Naysha Lopez Should've stayed a first boot. Naysha was both bland and unhappy. In the premiere, her intro didn't tell us who she is, she whined about having to do a sewing challenge, and she talked about pageants. Her Drag on a Dime look was horrendous too, and it was the first garment she ever made. Upon her return, she initially miscast roles as a team leader. She was fine in that "Empire" sketch though. Then next episode, she came up with the shapes idea, got mad at Acid for giving an opinion on the shapes idea, and got annoyed at Chi Chi interrupting her judges critique. While in the actual performance, one of Naysha's "rectangle girls of the world" was out of sync. In the lip syncs, she did a bunch of clapping for "Applause" and a bunch of cartwheels for "Call Me"; with her wig falling off in the latter. 10. Robbie Turner I was ready to rank Robbie down here before I even knew about the Uber driver hoax. She spent the season giving these vicious remarks in confessional ("I'm gonna tell you a story about flats. No."). She also tried to come for Sh*ron during the photoshoot. But she lacked charisma to pull it off. Her drag style was inspired by old Hollywood, but none of her looks wowed me. She wore some lingerie in her entrance and she bombed both design challenges. She forgot to pick a theme for herself in the first one and in the end, her Bitch Ball look had no shape - she should've been bottom 2 for that. While her Cowardly Lion Makeover just looked like a bunch of fabric slapped together. As for the performance challenges, Robbie was up and down. She was funny in the Rusical, but her multiple personalities in "Empire" were off; despite her being an actress. Then her punk rock voice won the singing challenge, but her Diana Vreeland in Snatch Game was forgettable. She also lip synced on rollerblades; breaking a light and falling off stage in the process. While in her second lip sync, she made the game-ending mistake of taking her wig off. 9. Laila McQueen Laila's "gothy rockstar" style could've been interesting, but her storyline was that she lacked self-confidence. She basically crawled into a ball for the photoshoot. I didn't think her first runway was that bad though? And she showed fight in the first lip sync with the sexy poses on the floor and headbanging her wig around. In the next episode, she was salty about being in the bottom 2 over some other queens. So she needed to prove herself in the Rusical to stand out from the pack... which she completely failed to do. Her role was pretty forgettable. I also didn't like her green sea Movie Premiere outfit. And then her second lip sync performance didn't match the song, where she stripped down to "I Will Survive"... CRINGE.   8. Dax ExclamationPoint Much like Laila, I had hopes for Dax's cosplaying, superhero inspired looks. But she never delivered. That Hello Kitty thing looked tacky and her Movie Premiere dress was whatever. In the Rusical, Dax overthought in rehearsal and didn't practice overnight, and she wasn't even trying in the final performance. She "won" the lip sync, but her removing the yellow part of her dress and twirling it around was pointless. As if she was thinking "oh Laila did a tearaway I should do one too!" 💀 Otherwise, Dax found her confidence through drag. She was shady when commenting on Derrick's runway and shady when forgetting Laila's name. She also got upset that no one told her that her butt padding was bad! That's about all I got. 7. Cynthia Lee Fontaine "Her landmark verdict of legalizing sex" lol. I was surprised that Cynthia won Miss C since she left so early. I guess that's why they brought her back for Season 9. She had a smaller presence on Season 8 though. From the start, I got the impression that she was this high energy chatterbox that keeps saying "cucu". But then on Untucked, Bob and Naomi commented on how likeable Cynthia is, and yeah I agree she's likeable enough. Her runways weren't the most polished though. In the first episode, she glued some candy to a bodice and it looked messy at the bottom. And her basic cowgirl outfit in episode 3 was picked apart by everyone. Still, Cynthia had good energy in the Rusical... and kicked her shoe towards a ceiling light. But then she didn't understand her characterization in the "Empire" challenge. She fought in that lip synch against Robbie though. 6. Thorgy Thor She's a talented queen, she's an artist, and she was an early contender. But Thorgy kind of spiraled as the season went on. She had a very strong start - that red cake dress should've been top 3, she was a stand-out in the Rusical, and she would've 1000% won the "Empire" challenge if Bob wasn't on the season. And it was that challenge loss in particular that got to her. Thorgy was obsessed with Bob from that point on, feeling like she was playing second fiddle to her. It happened again in Snatch Game, where Thorgy threw out some dark jokes as Michael Jackson, but it wasn't enough to beat Bob. She also clashed with Bob in the singing challenge, believing that she knew what she was doing with songwriting. And towards the end, Thorgy got annoyed at Chi Chi slacking off in the Makeover, and was confident that Chi Chi and Derrick were the next to go. I think Thorgy was a little too serious and pushed the bar too high for herself. Her ultimate undoing was the political ad, where she was too scatterbrained and the end result was lacking. Otherwise, Thorgy's mother's death story was emotional. 5. Derrick Barry Delusional and oblivious. Derrick was the villain, but a cringey one at times. She thought twerking would give her soul. She gloated about Blondie wanting to take her on tour. She said "whassup" to Faith Evans. Her Laura Bell-Bundy was cringe. Her "Empire" singing was disconnected. She was proud of her floppy shoulder Makeover because it was sewn. She asked Kim Chi if she was from North or South Korea. She acted like her ugly book outfit could go in the "RuPaul museum". She drew on Tammie Brown eyebrows after being told to change them. And she thought she was named as someone who should go home tonight because the queens were threatened by her. Derrick needed to prove that she was more than just a Britney Spears impersonator, but she refused to do a style that wasn't her. She did a Britney-inspired look for the first runway, where she trimmed a crotch wreath and that somehow put her top 3. Her neon runway was Britney-esque. And she did Britney in Snatch Game, but I didn't laugh that much. Derrick also had this way of inserting herself into conversations to make herself the center of attention. She got into arguments with Bob, Chi Chi, and Naomi. Her ultimate undoing was the Book Ball, where she was the worst. My fave runway was the Madonna sleeve one. 4. Naomi Smalls Naomi was friendly and chill, with this sort-of smitten-like personality? Idk if that's the right word. She was one of the quieter presences in the cast until she got pulled into a huge fight with Derrick at the Final 5, where she tried to give Derrick a reality check. But I wouldn't call her "dry" necessarily - she threw some shade. Naomi had an interest in supermodels and knew how to sell sex on the runway. She did exactly that in her lip sync that sent Acid Betty packing. She also copied Willam by stepping out of the Pride Boat to show herself off lol. And she looked fierce in the Rusical. Naomi could construct high fashion too - the scarecrow (which 100% deserved the Makeover win) and the crumpled book (which should've won the Book Ball). I also liked her Raven-inspired runway. During the season, Naomi wanted to prove she was more versatile. That she wasn't just a model. I mean, she didn't embody Tiffany Pollard at all in Snatch Game. But I thought she did good in "Empire" and the political ad (where she played a stereotypical model). 3. Kim Chi "Donut come for me". She's just so sweet, sensitive and soft-spoken. She had this gentle way of talking. She was finding her self-confidence. And she was scared of letting her mom down, who didn't know she did drag. On the runway, Kim Chi served artistic looks with a story behind them. Her cat Hair Ball thing won the first episode. She did that whole broom/slapping routine in the Makeover. And she won the Book Ball with a flower analogy. She also had the toucan feathers on rollerblades, the face paint in neon, the mime in black-and-white, the black feathers at the top 4. And whenever there was a challenge that wasn't up Kim's alley, she still kept a good attitude and tried her best. She camped it up in the Rusical to cover up her lack of choreo (she was even falling in rehearsal). She gave a very weird performance in "Empire" (those tongue pops) since she didn't have acting experience. She was funny in Naomi's political ad, while basing her own ad around things she's discriminated for. And her Kim Jong-Un in Snatch Game was good but glossed over. 2. Bob The Drag Queen "Walk into the room purse first." The sheer amount of confidence is off the charts. Bob never took things seriously - she was having the time of her life on her favourite TV show. Right from the start, Bob walked in with the "UNT" outfit and swam on the table. She talked her way into getting the "party" song for her team. She constantly gave observations about the other queens in confessional. She got into conflicts with Thorgy, Derrick, and even Luciane Piane at one point; where she didn't understand Luciane's notes and insulted Lorde. She gave a fun lip sync at the Final 5. And Bob hogged the spotlight in every comedy challenge. Her "Empire" performance might just be the funniest thing in Drag Race herstory; that's when her winner's edit came alive. She did two characters in Snatch Game. And the humour in her political ad was well-delivered; she also a goofball in Derrick's ad. As the season went on, the other queens wanted Bob to fail. She did stumble... in rollerblades. And in the design challenges. Well, the curtain one was good, but the Makeover was rushed, and the Book Ball outfit didn't use books. The power suit was also meh. My fave runway of hers is the black-and-white joker. Otherwise, she had an emotional moment about his mom. 1. Chi Chi DeVayne (RIP) The Lip Sync Assassin of Season 8. She gave EVERYTHING she had in both of them; between the stunts in "Call Me" and the intensity of "And I Am Telling...", culminating in that bead explosion. Chi Chi brought charm. She was genuine. She was the type to say whatever was on her mind. She'd read a queen with a smile on her face. She was a "broke queen" who survived gangs. She even wore garbage bags in her entrance. Throughout the season, Chi Chi had to learn to not let her lack of funds be an obstacle on the runway. Michelle gave her advice in a touching moment. Chi Chi was also ashamed of where she came from and how she talked. But there was nothing to be ashamed of! In the challenges, she was the star of the Rusical thanks to the upside down lip syncing. Her Eartha Kitt cat jokes in Snatch Game were so weird that it worked. Her political ad had jokes, even if she was too soft on Thorgy. Her Bob puppet was hilarious. And she proved she could deliver a great runway with the shredded book look. Her Top 4 outfit was pretty too. Chi Chi's roughest moment was the singing challenge, where she distanced herself in the Werk Room, her team wasn't crazy about her shape costumes idea, and her/Naysha gave a messy performance. Favourite entrance: Kim Chi Challenge ranking: 1. "Empire" parodies (Acting) 2. "Bitch Perfect" (Rusical) 3. Presidential campaign adverts 4. Book Ball 5. Past season design challenges 6. Snatch Game 7. New Wave girl groups 8. "The Realness" Music Video 9. "Little Women: L.A." Makeover Lip Sync ranking: 1. Chi Chi DeVayne vs Thorgy Thor ("And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going") 2. Chi Chi DeVayne vs Naysha Lopez ("Call Me") (very nearly put this #1) 3. Cynthia Lee Fontaine vs Robbie Turner ("Mesmerized") 4. Bob The Drag Queen vs Derrick Barry ("You Make Me Feel (Mighty Real)") 5. Laila McQueen vs Naysha Lopez ("Applause") (doesn't get good until the bridge) 6. Acid Betty vs Naomi Smalls ("Causing a Commotion") 7. Derrick Barry vs Robbie Turner ("I Love It") 8. Top 4 Lip Sync ("The Realness") 9. Dax ExclamationPoint vs Laila McQueen ("I Will Survive") (when they bump into each other... when they start tearing their clothes off...) Season ranking so far: 5 > 6 > 4 > 2 > 7 > 3 > 8 > 1 > AS1

[magicalgirlsirin]

I feel like you are fundamentally misunderstanding something about the nature of storytelling so I will try and walk you through why I disagree with the assertion that the Elysian Realm arc can be explained by assuming that it is a product of unreliable narrators.

"In most narratives, there's an element of trust that the person telling you the story is telling the truth, at least as far as they know it. This trope occurs when that convention is discarded. The narrator's facts contradict each other. If you ask them to go back a bit and retell it, the events come out a little differently. It can be like dealing with a used-car salesman — there's a real story in there somewhere, but you're left to piece it together through all the lies, half-truths, and mistruths." -- tv tropes, unreliable narrator

For an unreliable narrator to be a function and intention of a story, there has to be another set of presented facts to contest the way the "narrator" is telling something. On the assumption that Elysia is the narrator, then she can't be "unreliable", because it turns out what she says is "true" and that the others just... coincidentally had opinions that made her seem mysterious! Wow that's so crazy it's a good thing Elysia is a special good girl who never did anything wrong right :)

Again, I'm not nearly that charitable to Elysia, even if I enjoy her character. (A lot of my griping is a result of love, since that's the way I approach media. Finding the "why" for something working/not working is important to me.)

This post is actually a companion to one I made generally about the realm arc, and I figure I should elaborate more on my points here. In my opinion, the main character of this arc should have been Mei. Mei makes the active decision at the start to explore the Elysian Realm, even if the setup was vague... Frankly, I think the fact that Kevin is so vague about what "seeking answers" is about is because there is no narrative point or meaning to it anyways, so from the beginning even if the twist was decided then it would not have any bearing on the main plot. After this, Mei ceases to be a character and instead functions as a prop for the sims to explain things to her about things that happened in the past, and it's mostly just a whole lotta nothing until the HoC arbitrarily shows up*, sims begin getting deleted, and oh no Mei is trapped so now she has to watch everyone die and they all tell her to save Elysia. Mei doesn't make any choices past the first one that got her into the realm. Mei doesn't choose to do anything, other characters tell her its a good idea and she does it because she's not Mei anymore, she's a Mei-themed self insert so you can fantasize about the characters interacting with you instead.

*To a degree, I understand that HoC's descension to the realm was probably meant to continue the herrscher order, but there is nothing indicating that this was ever documented by Shicksal or AE. The first time I played it I honestly thought it was PE!HoC, even though I knew it was neutralized during the gratitude arc from the manga. It's just very poorly telegraphed and the lack of setup makes it feel like an ass-pull to give a reason to kill everyone.

There's no mystery in the realm, or at least not one that goes anywhere. The "who's the traitor" didn't feel like a plot so much as a conversation characters had that had no bearing on the rest of it. For something to be a mystery, it has to present the clues to the audience and make them try and figure out what the truth is before the final reveal. "Elysia was always a herrscher" is not a resolution to the question of "is Elysia the traitor among the flame chasers?", because the game goes out of it's way to make Elysia being a herrscher be morally good, so actually she wasn't a traitor at all. Sakura and Kalpas are barely red herrings, because only Kalpas is fixated on defending one of the few people he actually cares about, and Sakura brushes it off entirely. There's nothing concrete in the first 80% of the story to imply Elysia is a herrscher, so it's not a satisfying reveal. Like I said in my initial realm crit post:

"I also have grift with the fact that she was a previous era herrscher with sapience, since a lot of the tragedy of the previous era is because of the loss of humanity. Kevin was fucking devastated by the HoF emergence, because he hesitated. He saw Murata’s face and thought she was still in there. But she wasn’t. Kalpas lost Emile to the HoD. Mobius lost Klein, not only to her own over-ambition, but to HoL. Sakura lost Rin to HoC. All of these are essential to their stories, and it’s because those herrschers were just mindless tools, godproxy emanators of destruction with no higher order thinking skills. Only a will to subjugate humanity."

Lessening the emotional value of previously established lore to make the special pink girl seem more special isn't good storytelling. The Elysian Realm is a masterclass in poor pacing, mismanaged story elements, underused characters, that it's hard to tell what it's point was or if the plot was attempting to say anything at all. It's not, for the record. Elysia and the Flame Chasers do not augment our understanding of Mei, nor do they have a meaningful impact on her character development, even though she stands to gain the most from actually learning something because she's alive and can like, you know, leave the realm having learned something?

The elysian realm just has no direction, the game just gives you a bunch of plot points and tells you that it's going somewhere, but the way it goes is just... not the same as making a coherent story.

To borrow a checklist from OSP's video about plot twists:

A twist is ineffectual if:

-It contradicts canon, or generally makes no sense when considered.

The twist that Elysia was born a herrscher in the previous era directly contradicts information previously given regarding not only herrscher order (something established in GGZ), but information given in hi3, the previous era did not have herrschers who were sapient and Elysia being one comes out of nowhere.

-It isn't as clever as it thinks it is.

Elysia being a herrscher is supposed to be surprising, but it's not really profound, and just feels indulgent. The writers are looking at you and telling you that Elysia is a special and important girl and you should be excited that she's a demigod.

-It's more boring than the non-twist option.

Elysia being a traitor would've been way cooler and would've made Kevin's line about "seeking answers" made more sense. Because then you would find out that one of Kevin's closest allies, while desperately trying to fight back against the apocalypse, ended up betraying him and yet he still thinks of her fondly despite it. Maybe make it so that her betrayal is part of the reason he keeps forcing Project Stigma forward, so that he never has to see a choice like that being made again.

-It has no meaningful impact on the plot.

Elysia has been dead for 50,000 years and Mei getting the power of origin is just some weird sidebar that they just toss on to make Elysia seem plot relevant despite [see complaining about it not making sense above], if you cut Elysia out and then just made up a different reason for Mei to receive the power of origin, the end result of Transcending Finality would pretty much be unchanged. Elysia has no meaningful contributions to the narrative outside of making you understand a little bit more about why Kevin is fucked in the head for real.

The only reason that I think you came to the conclusion I was confused was simply because I identify all these disparate plot pieces as a bunch of nonsense slop that are unrelated to the ending of the story. Despite all of this, I am! Fantastically! Obsessed! With This Stupid Basement! So I will continue to find reasons that it doesn't work. And I love it because it sucks ❤️

hi rly enjoyed ur post on elysian realm! ik ur a new fan (i am too) but i heard that before retcon, elysia was a lot more morally gray. would you happen to know how exactly?? im rly curious bc i think it would be a severe improvement obviously. we deserve complex women who do wrongs

So when I say retcon in relation to the elyrealm arc it's less so "things they changed because of the story evolving and wanting to expand previously established events" and more "things they straight up forgot about in service of making Elysia a herrscher". It's not like hi3 is a stranger to retcons though?

For example, Durandal being the "original" Kiana is a retcon. The fact that our Kiana was a clone remained the same, but it's clear from older story stuff (iirc it's Everlasting Memory/Theresa's chronicle set?; second eruption manga doesn't focus on the Kiana part) that Durandal wasn't originally there. Otto refers to Kiana as K-423, and that Theresa needs to retrieve her, which implies that Theresa knows it's not Siegfried and Cecilia's kid, but her distress remains the same. The later game retcon by Thus Spoke Apocalypse is that OG!Kiana and Siegfried were going to go retrieve K-423, but OG!Kiana ended up injured and so Siegfried only left with K-423. And if you're confused then so am I because the details don't really super line up with the presentation, but it's like, fine, because at the end of the day the current writing intention and trajectory is for Durandal and Kiana to be sisters, and to both be Siegfried's daughters.

Anyways, for Elysia, a lot of her retcons occur in a very rapid pace from the first realm chapter set to Elysium Everlasting. Like I mentioned in my last post, the herrscher reveal is nonsense just going off of basic information like the fact she received MANTIS surgery like all the other Flame Chasers. However, there are other plot threads that are completely dropped for the sake of making Elysia a very special good girl who you should love because she's so nice and never did anything bad.

[About Betrayal 1 - Chapter 2]

[About Betrayal 2 - Chapter 2]

Elysia the traitor plot is something I was, well not hopeful for (a friend had already warned me that the game wouldn't do anything interesting with it] but I still ended up mulling it over a lot because it was such an interesting hinge piece for her initial presentation.

What stands out to me is the phrasing. Kevin says she never endangered humanity even if she was a traitor. Kevin says that Elysia made a decision. This implies agency, like Elysia was actively choosing to do something dangerous for the sake of the Flame Chasers. However, if Elysia was a herrscher from the beginning, then none of this makes sense. She doesn't choose to be a herrscher if she was one from the beginning, so why even make it seem like her betrayal was her choice at all?

[Traitor - Chapter 1]

It doesn't stop there though. Mobius' active disdain implies that whatever choice Elysia made, it was enough to make Mobius of all people consider her a lost cause. Mobius, who body mods and injects honkai energy into anyone with a pulse (hyperbole) to try and make humanity last just the slightest bit longer.

[Traitor - Chapter 1]

Mobius wants us to doubt Elysia's intentions. If you go through all their shared information, you'll find that the worst Elysia really does is just... coerce Mobi to wear pink dresses, and while that is obnoxious, it wouldn't warrant utter contempt for Elysia as a person.

There's actually a lot of stray text that implies there's something wrong about Elysia's existence, which I guess in generous terms could be interpreted as setup for the herrscher reveal? But it just feels like it's just there to add to the mystery that won't go anywhere.

[The Blind Spot - Recollection]

This right here nags at me. Deeply so. Elysia isn't so much a character as much as she is just a concept, the idea of a story that could be told. Not even in the canon-compliant weird endgame hook meta-textual breakout in Transcending Finality about the power of stories... Although, there's a way to introduce it here and tie it to Elysia to give some semblance of connectivity.

I went this long without actually giving my thoughts on how to make Elysia's writing good though. Disclaimer for clarity sake I know not everyone will agree with the changes I want to make and I'm also not claiming to be a more skilled writer than anyone in the hi3 team, they're all people with enough talent to be employed by the company.

That out of the way.

This isn't so much about making Elysia morally grey as much as it is about giving her an emotional core, because right now she's pretty hollow. Rather than a pristine girl who never did anything wrong, I'd rather cast her as a romantic, tragic heroine who would move heaven and fate just to seem noble.

Elysia was born human. Maybe she loved stories, and how they transported her to far off places, far far far away from the tiny town she was growing up in. When she was old enough, she traveled the world. Honkai descends. Because she was a globe trotter she ended up connected to many people, and was given the chance to join the MOTH organization. She gets MANTIS surgery. As the number of soon-to-be Flame Chasers grow, discussion begins about if the strength of the soldiers is enough.

'Maybe, if I had power comparable to a herrscher, we could fight with less casualties.'

She doesn't say this out loud, of course. It's a dangerous thought, a line that shouldn't be crossed. But she's curious. She breaks into Mobius' lab [Miss Pink Spy - Pristine Memory] to find the information she wants. Mobius figures out her intentions and warns Elysia off. It's not even in consideration, so keep whatever plan you have in mind off the table before you do something irreversible.

Mobius thought that Elysia gave up on the plan after the seventh erruption. The haunted look behind Kevin's eyes, the sadness creasing Elysia's face, all of it makes it seem like a simple consideration forgotten by the sands of time.

Elysia doesn't have a discipline. She told Dr. Mei it wasn't needed since her combat performance was well above standard margins anyways. (She is on par with Kevin in strength, after all.) At least, we all thought she didn't. A deal is made with Aponia.

Aponia, Aponia, apostle of fate, I offer you my 'humanity' to become a 'story'.

Elysia cannot receive any more disciplines. The target has to be "human". Elysia as a story, unchanging, pristine, capable of remaining as she is without blemish, can reach out and become a herrscher while remaining herself. She's desperate. She wants to help. She reaches into the deep, the start of the universe, and gathers the power. She names it Origin, since it's something she found at the source.

She's a herrscher.

Herrschers are an enemy of humanity.

Kevin runs her through with Shamash.

Elysia is still herself though, talking like she would as usual.

-Oh Kevin, I wanted to know if your tears would freeze, but I was hoping it wouldn't be like this. They're so warm, though. Thank you for crying for me.

-I see no herrscher here, just... the flame chaser, bearing the signet of ego.

The Elysian Realm keeps a secret. Aponia keeps it, the fact that Elysia gave up her humanity. The final banquet? A polite way to refer to Elysia's own demise.

It's sad, isn't it? That strength she wanted to give fell right through her fingers. Her own undoing, the desperate plan of a foolish girl who wanted to be a hero, but only ending up as a villain to oppose. It's so much more meaningful, then, that Elysia's gift, the power of sapience, is kept on to the next cycle of humanity. Held again, the power of ego, of humans, to someone with a kind heart to move beyond the past she's trapped in. Thank you, Raiden Mei, for carrying on the ideals of the thirteen trailblazers, the moths who chase the flame.

so anyways yeah i think elysia couldve been interesting whos to say

[rae-blogging]

𝘼𝙉𝘿 𝙇𝙊𝙑𝙀 𝙄𝙎?

pairing: Jake Sim x fem!Reader, Sunghoon x OC

genre: Angst, Fluff, Humor

word count: 10k 

synopsis: You’ve been head over heels for Sunghoon for years now,  already aware of how doomed your story is from the start you go from pretending that you don’t believe in love to accepting it, but Jake Sim is adamant to change your mind.

warnings: Mentions of a creep being a .. creep?, reader running away from situations, slight manhandling on Sunghoon’s part (He grabs your wrist), Reader being an idiot, non religious mentions of God, fake dating is proposed but literally barely happens (Lmk if I missed something), Niki iis your brother (not a warning but yk), Yeonjun (TXT) and Yuna (ITZY) are part of the fic too and this is not proofread.

a/n: An earlier version of this fic was posted on my older blog but I ended up rewriting many bits again. Also I really love receiving feedback so please, please reblog my work if you like it.

"So, um, what is your favorite color?" You asked with a slight smile, trying to make the best of the situation (You really were going to kill Jungwon when you see him). 

There were three main dilemmas in your otherwise monotonous life a) Your inability to work/study when you should ; b) Your complete lack of romantic experience. You have -- after thorough over thinking past midnight – come to the conclusion that there’s something wrong with you. Other than the normal kind of flaws that you’re convinced everyone has, of course, like you being too lazy to get yourself a glass of water from the kitchen ( It’s not really your fault honestly, you wouldn’t be this lethargic if Niki didn’t always do your chores for you at home) and  getting anxious for no reason in particular and hyper fixating on said anxiety till neither your existence nor the topic of anxiety makes sense anymore, of course there’s also slightly worse issues with you like your tendency to cancel on your friends right before the plan is brought to life (although that doesn't work anymore and now you get dragged along anyway) or procrastinating all the time and then panicking but still procrastinating and finally, working like a madman and being disappointed if you don't score extremely well (But that's the case with most of your friends too so maybe it's not that big a deal), anyway the point is you're flawed. Quite flawed. You were still trying to figure out what exactly causes your absolute lack of romantic experience (that's how Sunoo put it nicely) or your forever disgruntled and dissatisfied state of mind because you never get any (as Jake had thoughtfully offered his version of the same). Sunoo is essentially sunshine trapped inside a 5’8 human body ( you think he’s shorter but he gets mad each time you bring it up, so you’re trying to make peace with obvious lies) and he’s probably the nicest person in your group right after Reyna. Jake, on the other hand, was probably created simply to make every minute of your existence that coincides with his, painfully exasperating. Alright, Jake wasn’t really all that bad except for his constant reminders about environmental issues, which you secretly found endearing and his unrivalled ability to score well on tests you know he hadn’t prepared for at all, he was actually cool. You’d moved past the time where you called people your ‘best friend’ but if there was one for ‘best friend + annoying idiot you randomly want to punch’ he’d definitely get it. While your friends were aware of the first two ‘problems’ the third one was something you’d have to deal with on your own. Tired of your friends’ bantering with you about your love life, you had of course indignantly insisted that you were better off single — it's so expensive being in a relationship nowadays anyway and you already spent most of your time slaving off trying to pay back your student loan before you turn 30 — of course, you just had to overdo the act and adamantly trash talk every couple which was apparently very offensive (Heesung had said that, and you usually trust his opinion), and now you were stuck at the most awkward blind date you had ever had (and that was saying something considering you had one where the person had asked you to Venmo him a 35 to buy coke). 

"Black. Like my life. Quite bleak, I know" he nodded thoughtfully to himself before you could deny it, "but I am that way you know? Mysterious. It defines me perfectly."

You bet the dude couldn’t spell mysterious.

"Yeah, of course, black is a beautiful color." You tried to sound interested, but it was getting kind of difficult with you making all the conversation and him talking about....well himself. Too much in depth, if you were being honest. 

"This one time, I met a chick in Bali and you know they’ve really sensual brea – “

Not only was Jungwon’s attempt at getting you a blind date a horrific try, but you were also now in the company of a complete pervert. Thank goodness for Choi Yeonjun, the chef of the restaurant (technically the restaurant was his father’s so maybe owner would be a better designation) and your friend (again technically he was Heesung’s friend but your group hung out at Choi’s every Friday and so you were pretty sure that he at least knew you) causing a fire alarm to go off, your date took off running, not even sparing a glance in your direction when Yeonjun started screaming ‘Fire!’, you weren’t sure if he saw your thinly veiled face of disgust or heard the man however you had no chance to ask since everyone was escorted outside almost immediately. You were certain you saw the chef wink at you though.

Anyway, getting a boyfriend was a complete failure and the worst bit? You were relieved. Because you had another person clouding your mind most days (You studied Chemistry along with English so that took up a few days too).

You had a huge crush on Sunghoon. It wouldn’t be that big of a deal really except it totally was and no way were you going to tell your friends who were positive that you hated the concept of love and despised couples that you had heart eyes for your childhood friend.. You have to give it up for yourself for managing to hide it behind faces of extreme disgust and unasked for comments on anything remotely related to love, because you’d liked the boy for quite a while now, you weren’t sure about the exact time period but it was getting really hard being around your friend without breaking down and confessing, so of course the genius you had decided to platonically cockblock yourself by a) Avoiding the poor boy and being snide if you did talk and; b) Being obnoxiously loud and proclaiming love was gross. Unfortunately for you, your friends had moved on from the cooties phase just a year or two later and now you were stuck as the grumpy, single friend who drank too much coffee and had slightly violent outbursts of consistent prodding the people sitting next to you when you got excited during a movie’s scene. Frankly (Name) I am more surprised you have friends. Two things were clear to you from the beginning of your story though: a) You liked your friend more than you should b) You were absolutely doomed from the very start.

‘”Hey!” Jake flailed his hands in the air like the idiot that he was, being greeted by you laughing and doing the same at the other end of the hallway, the students around paid no attention. You weren’t even sure if they weren’t all sleepwalking to be honest.

“How was the date?” he asked, putting an arm around your shoulder as you weaved through the zombified students.

 “He was in love, for sure,” you scoffed, “with everything that moved. Jungwon sure knows how to pick the creepiest men-”

You trailed off at the sudden shock of Jake tugging you closer to him.

He looked at you a smile, his other hand tousling his hair letting out a sheepish laugh,"What? You’d get trampled dude. You never pay any attention to your surroundings.”

You waved your hand around, eager to talk about your tumultuous evening ,“He talked about girls and their boobs and get this- sensous hips..” You raised your hands dramatically in exasperation, “Wait, was it the other way around? By the way, what happened to the save the turtle campaign? Did people even turn up? I heard there’s this dolphin-”

You turned to look at the boy beside you, raising your eyebrows when you saw him stop, jaw clenched looking unamused as you rambled on mindlessly.

“What’s wrong? Did enough people not contri-”

“Did he say something inappropriate to you?” Jake stared at you sternly, surprising you with his serious demeanor.

“Um, not really. He was just talking about some girl from Bali. I don’t know, I kinda tuned out after that.” You gripped his shoulder pulling him with you as you continued walking.

“Oh. Did he do anything el-“

“Nope. I’d slice his dick off.”

“Atta girl,” he smiled warmly, putting his arms around your shoulder again “Did you see Sunghoon yesterday?”

Sunghoon. The same friend you’d spent hours on ends playing Monopoly with, the same person who’d climbed into your room two days before your birthday to wish you when you were 12 (turns out 12 year old Sunghoon wasn’t very bright because he had thought this was the best way to wish you ahead of others), he’d brought you red roses on Valentine’s day because – ‘I do love you though! I love you the most in the world. Like right after Mom and Yeji. Oh, and Gaeul. Wait dad. But then it’s you.’ – he wanted you to know that he really did love you, the same way he loved his family or well his dog but you get the idea. You had wondered then if it was his tsundere way of asking you out. In all fairness though, you hadn’t ever been keen on actually dating your friend, you weren’t sure what people who dated were supposed to do anyway, so initially you hadn’t really minded harboring feelings for Sunghoon but your group had expanded in college, Sunoo and Yuna were your lab partners and, Reyna was on the student sports committee in college. You can’t really remember when it actually happened but you suddenly became increasingly aware of Reyna’s closeness with the boy you’d a crush on and, your desperately hidden feelings tugged painfully at the strings of your heart leaving you with no choice but to steer clear of the said boy in fear of a) You randomly confessing your thickly veiled crush and, b) Finding out/Having the same boy tell you he liked Reyna.

You wish you could at least be mad at Reyna or be able to despise her but you couldn’t. Not with how kind the girl was and how the two of you were always on the same wavelength about everything. She was your friend too, and you missed having her around. Sometimes you wondered if you should stop turning the other way when you met Sunghoon’s hurt eyes or be just as enthusiastic with your replies as Reyna was while talking to you, but then you’d see the two exchanging glances and the urge would die down immediately. You missed Sunghoon  too, of course you did. Up until middle school (before Jay, Jake and Heesung decided to enter the picture) he and Jungwon were your only friends, and the selfish part of you sometimes wanted to relive just that : Monopoly games and shaved ice and lego houses. Sometimes, when you crashed on your bed you still smiled thinking about how simple life was back then. You were getting tired of it now though, having to keep your feelings in, running from one part time job to another, lying about how you were. You were exhausted.

You were broken out of your daydream by a splash of water greeting your face, glaring at the culprit who was trying to gather rain water in his cupped hands, you let out a small smile simultaneously sighing about the open ground you’d have to run through to reach the laboratory.

“Let’s go together,” Jake laughed at your frustrated state, opening his umbrella and pulling you close as you stepped into the muddy ground, grimacing at your shoes that you’d have to clean that night.

The umbrella was too small for the two of you, both getting drenched just halfway through the premises.

“Oh come on” you sighed, tugging the boy along as you ran under the downpour. His hand clutching yours tightly as you made your way to class. The umbrella had slipped out of Jake’s hand somewhere in the middle but neither of you noticed as you took in his damp state, laughing till you saw your professor glaring at the two of you, promptly scuttling to classes after that.

“And a latte for you ma’am.” Jungwon flashed his signature smile at you, that you returned without hesitation, handing you the mug of coffee from your kitchen counter where the two of you’d spent the last 15 minutes trying to recreate TikTok coffee recipes, giving up pretty quickly in favor of the conventional latte. At least the younger boy was good at making coffee though, you couldn’t say the same for Yuna who hadn’t even tried to help you live your influencer dreams and headed straight for your hastily made bed, only to fall asleep in a few minutes. Shin Yuna was your roommate and you loved her to death but for the life of you, you couldn’t figure out how a human could sleep that much.

Jungwon glanced at your roommate, grinning slightly as he noted, “She’s out cold as usual, huh.”

You only nodded, relishing the sweet relief of caffeine on your tongue as the boy in front of flicked your forehead, “Drink slowly idiot, it’s hot.”

You gave him a sickening smile before proceeding to kick him in the shin, which led to him screaming and, consequently a pillow fight. You had to give one to Yuna though. That girl could sleep through anything.

It was only after you both sat down once the pillow fight (The pillows were thrown aside exactly 43 seconds into the fight and now you had a red handprint on your forehead and he had the prints of your nails on his face as a result) was over, that he asked you the question you were hoping to avoid.

“Did you and Sunghoon fight?” he asked with genuine curiosity, eyes averted to your cushion on his lap, as he attempted to untangle its strings.

“What? No, no, why?” you giggled unceremoniously simultaneously cursing yourself for being so obvious.

Damn you and your tendency to talk to yourself during the worst of times.

“You keeping avoiding him like the plague is why,” he looked up at you seriously.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about but we’re both busy, so it’s not that big of a deal,” you shrugged suddenly finding the carpet very interesting.

“And it has nothing to do with you crushing on Jake? Sunghoon & I are no longer your priority, huh?” he quirked an eyebrow at you.

Unfortunately for you, your brain had just decided to launch into a tirade of why Ellen DeGeneres was an A-grade jerk and you heard the question wrong.

After all your efforts to pretend you didn’t like anyone, least of all Park Sunghoon, fate finally thought enough was enough.

You knew you weren’t a good actor.

Oh God, what if Hoon saw through your act too?

Wait.

That meant everyone saw you as a pathological liar who consistently trash talked relationships but they stayed quiet because they pitied you.

This was horrible.

You’d need uproot your entire life and begin anew in Russia and go by the name of Luna because let’s be honest you have a soft spot for Luna Lovegood.

“(Name)?” Jungwon snapped his fingers in front of your face breaking you from a trance as you rushed to apologise for not telling him about your feelings earlier.

“I am sorry Wonnie, I liked him but I was so scared he’d-“

“I was just kidding can you stop looking like a-“

‘What?”

“What?!”

“You like Jake?!” This was a newer voice, and you could hear your friend scramble from the bed even as you placed your hands on your ears to minimalise some noise damage.

“Oh my God, you like Jake!”

Your social life was over and now you’d forever have to be resigned to your room where visitors would be allowed to leave flowers of token at the door at you-

“Wait what?”

“You like Jake? What the hell (Name). I was just kidding but..” Jungwon looked like a truck had run over his cacti and demanded him for compensation for damage caused to its tires.

“So, you were just pretending to like hate romance?” Yuna raised an eyebrow while Jungwon scowl in distaste.

“Yeah, (Name) not cool! I thought you were just being a dick to people and now I learn you have a schoolgirl crush?”

In Jungwon’s defense, he was not wrong.

“Oh. Um yeah. Sorry.”

“What a bummer,” Jungwon sighed as Yuna hit him over the head.

“Wait but like, why don’t you ask him out? Anyone can tell the boy likes you.”

You so hated it when your friends made sense. It was a common occurrence for people to assume you and Jake were dating because of how he doted on you, but then the boy was kind and sweet to everyone, he most definitely did not like you although it was apparent that your friends thought otherwise.

“I got rejected,” you blurted out before they could say anything else.

“What?” both cried out in unison.

Yuna stood up horrified, grasping your face in her hands, tilting it from one side to another as you blinked up unsightly.

“I’ll fight for you-“

“No, you will not.” Jungwon pulled her back before turning back to you again “Explain.”

“Um, I confessed and he said…he was busy with work.”

“I- wait what?”

“What work does Jake do?”

“That’s the weirdest rejection ever, but don’t you guys hang out all the time? Isn’t it awkward and how did you never tell us?” Yuna blurted questions after questions as Jungwon looked at you, prompting an answer.

“Oh, it’s um because, you see,” you wracked your brain for ideas “I’m hoping I still have a chance and it’s not awkward cause Jake’s nice like that.”

“With that rejection? Yeah right.” Yuna snorted, probably planning to punch Jake the next  time she saw him.

“Hey, it’s okay (Name). Things don’t always work out but it’s nice that you tried.” Jungwon tried comforting you.

“Yeah, don’t let it get to you.” Yuna smiled sweetly.

God she was scary.

You let out a sigh, if this was a book, this is exactly where the reader would close it to breathe in deeply and question why the main character was such an idiot. You really were the perfect Y/N and you were only going to prove the readers right by digging your own grave.

You knew accompanying Jake for coffee was a bad idea because a) he always ‘forgets’ his wallet and, b) you had a shift at the café in two hours and you couldn’t be bothered to spend any more time there than you necessarily had to; but you were a girl on mission today.

However, as usual, luck definitely wasn’t favoring you and right as you foot into the air conditioned place, your eyes fell on the couple sitting at the farther end of the café (your and Jake’s usual spot).

“Sung-” Jake’s excited shout died in his throat as you turned him around after an effective pinch to his arm.

“What the hell was that for?” he rubbed his arm in confusion, glancing back at the couple who were still in a world of their own.

“Let them have their privacy,” you shushed him, pushing him towards the chair and grabbing one that faced his own.

“Is it not because you can’t stand to see their mushy eyes and frivolous gestures of romance because you feel lonely and sick?” he plopped an elbow on the table, giving you an innocent smile that you returned momentarily before glaring at him.

“You are too invested in my love life Jake Sim,” you wagged a finger at him with a stern gaze, but a smile broke out on your face all the same.

“Just wanted the all clear,” he grinned, before standing up to place an order.

For some reason, your friendship with Jake was one of the few relationships that you never had to work on. It was easy for you to be able to laugh with him and listen to him talk passionately about things you previously had no knowledge about. He never demanded you give him company or spend time with him if you didn’t feel up to it, and sometimes, when you’d lay low for weeks and feel guilty for ghosting your friends, he’d drop you cheerful messages that you returned to whenever you felt upset. Jake’s presence had in a way filled the void that had been created by his friend’s absence.

“Hey, I forgot my wallet.” Jake returned to the table with a pout, and you resisted the urge to coo while somehow simultaneously managing to curse him out loud as you handed him your card.

Two things about Jake you were sure of : a) the boy was loaded, no seriously, he owned the costliest of clothes and shoes, and b) he was either the most careless person you knew or the biggest miser, and you weren’t sure what are worse.

As your thoughts began to drift again your eyes fell on Sunghoon and Reyna, and you were almost certain that you heard your heart let out a creak. Well, that or Jake dragged the chair to sit down in front of you.

“Isn’t it cute though (Name)?” Jake nudged your hand slightly, grinning at Sunghoon and Reyna. The former fiddling with his fingers, his cheeks red and eyes constantly sneaking glances at Reyna, who sweetly smiled at him.

“What?” You deadpanned, snatching up your coffee from the table.

“The way he acts around her” The boy in front of you scoffed, his eyes still twinkling. Jake suddenly seemed so annoying, you were sure it was a side effect of the stupid Elijah Sparks books he had been reading all weekend.

If there was one thing you had more than mint chocolate ice cream, it was romance books written by E. Sparks. You wouldn’t really detest him all that much if it wasn’t for his extremely exaggerated way of defining love and having the out of league guy fall for the bland girl.

“I, for one,” you emphasized pointing to yourself, “find it really cringe.”

“Cringy?” Jake looked at you with narrowed eyes, “At least use the correct word (Name).”

“Doesn’t matter,” you waved your hands around in the air in dismissing manner. “Point is,” you continued, taking your sweet time as you sipped on your coffee, “That’s weird. Seeing other people is weird. Letting one person have control over your life is weird. Emotions are weird. ”

The inner you was cringing intensely, but that’s fine (Name) you were just overcompensating to ensure you wouldn’t reveal your crush to Jake too.

“You used the word weird a lot,” Jake noted, completely ignoring everything else you said, “Aren’t you an English major?”

You mumbled an excuse incoherently, trying your best to look unsuspiciously at the boy sitting a little farther away from you, who was now laughing at something Reyna had just said. You weren’t surprised, Reyna was hilarious. You, on the other hand, had a broken sense of humor, laughing at the most inconvenient of times and over the stupidest of things but then again at least you had your own niche of people who understood your humor, all gathering in the comments under the ‘A slice of bread falling’ video that you had watched at least 19 times, on YouTube.

“So, you still don’t believe that love exists?” Jake asked with genuine curiousity.

You gave a half-hearted shrug, “Probably exists. Just don’t believe I’ll ever experience it.”

“And why not?” He played around with the metal straw in his hands (Jake was so totally a VSCO girl, it was a pity the term was no longer used)

“I’m not the main character.” You leaned back on the chair. Sunghoon was now smiling softly at her.

God, you hated cafés.

“Who do you think is?”

“I don’t know. You maybe? Reyna definitely.”

Jake stifled a laugh, “Any particular prerequisites for that, you think?”

“I don’t know man, can we just go?” You groaned, done with the conversation and the about-to-be-an-official-couple couple in front of you, completely pushing your ‘mission’ to the side. You could deal with the embarrassment of telling Jungwon and Yuna that your crush on Jake was unrequited but not with Park Sunghoon and Kim Reyna making heart eyes at each other in front of you.

“Okay how about we have a deal?” Jake sat up straight, his face serious (You think you should click a picture of it or something, but that’d ruin the moment)

“What deal?”

“Go out on three dates with someone. The same person each time obviously. If you end up not feeling anything, I’ll agree and if you don’t…”

This was your chance! You almost jumped up in your seat startling Jake.

“Okay,” you said quickly with a smile, only realizing later how suspicious that must have sounded.

Jake narrowed his eyes, “That was easy. What do you want in return?”

You placed your elbows on the table, fingers intertwined,” a) I choose who I go on the dates with, and b) you don’t ask any questions when you do me a favor.”

“What favor?” Jake’s brain was practically screaming at him to shut up but he never did listen.

“You’ve to pretend you rejected me a while ago.” you tried to keep your composure.

“No questions Jake. Also,” you smiled sweetly at him, making him groan,” You’re going with me on the three dates.”

“WHAT?”

People turned to stare at you, you kicked him lightly.

“Sorry. What?!”

Jake promptly choked on air.

Too busy trying to keep a straight face, none of you noticed your friends head out.

“You’re kidding.” Jake groaned, the tips of his ears turning red.

“Nah” you chuckled, sipping on the last bits of your coffee trying not to fawn over how cute he looked, the last thing you wanted was to boost Jake’s ego any more.

This was the second stupidest thing you’d done this week. The first of course was you running your mouth at Jungwon’s. Which is why the plan wouldn’t work but you had to try anyway. The spiderweb you spun around yourself was getting bigger and the only way out was to continue.

“You’re going out with….Jake?” Jungwon crossed his arms, narrowing his eyes at you as you tried to act unaffected, typing your draft as you nodded.

“Right after you said he rejected you?” Yuna chimed unhelpfully.

You didn’t understand why the girl was awake, it was 11 in the night and she didn’t seem sleepy at all. You had been hoping she’d be asleep.

“I knew it,” uttered the boy to your left.

Your shoulders drooped, he’d call you a pathological liar for sure now.

“I knew he probably too flustered the first time around!” he shook your shoulders violently.

Sidenote, Jungwon was probably where you got your violent tendencies from.

You weren’t sure whether to feel relieved or not, but your friends were scary for sure. A slight smile broke out on your face thinking about how right Jungwon was about Jake acting strangely when he was flustered, you had once had the prestigious opportunity of seeing him getting confessed to and Jake Sim was an adorable mess to say the least.

“Aww, you must like him a lot,” Yuna was perched on the end of your bed, “You’re smiling.”

“I, yeah, I like him a lot.” You replied with a wavering smile.

“That’s why you didn’t want to go on anymore blind dates!” he exclaimed happily

Too far.

“No, that’s cause you only have drug addicts and creeps on your list, Won.”

Before you could whine about Jungwon’s incompetency at playing Cupid, Yuna did it.

“Hey, at least I didn’t spill Sodium Hydroxide all over the table because the T.A. was too hot.”

“Excuse you? I am not the one who wears denim on denim you uncultured –“

“Um guys?” you interrupted hesitantly.

Considering the two were quarreling, they did trust your story and as reluctant as you were to bring back attention on your fake relationship, if there was going to be a massive realization of (Name) being a liar, you’d rather start here.

“Right, you and Jake.” Jungwon sat down on the bed, your eyes following every movement he made.

“We are happy for you of course (Name),” he beamed at you, opening his arms to envelope both you and Yuna into a hug (Yuna kind of snuggled in forcefully but it felt nice anyway)

“So…do the others know?” Yuna tilted her head to face you as you grimaced for what was to come.

“Not yet,” you admitted.

“Let’s have dinner at Choi’s.” she grinned, “you guys should tell the others too.”

“Only if you are okay with that,” Jungwon placed a comforting hand on your shoulder as Yuna nodded sheepishly.

You gave him a small smile, nodding softly.

“Yeah, let’s do that.”

Two down, six to go.

You could only hope all your friends were delusional idiots

You had exactly two hours before everyone headed to Choi’s and here you were, doused in flour wheezing as Jake Sim tried to make the perfect boomerang for his Instagram. This was your fault really for deciding to come over to his house where you supposed to set your stories straight so it was believable but he somehow persuaded you to help him bake a cake for your friends. It’s the first date, he had looked at you with an adorable smile. That should have been a red flag. Jake hates cooking, much less randomly making stuff for your friends to eat when you’re already heading to a restaurant but you trusted his stupid puppy dog eyes instead.

“Look here (Name),” he pointed the camera at you, beaming with happiness “Flip your hair but like real slow. One, two- (Name)!”

Here you were, two idiots doused in flour, laughing uncontrollably

No one should ever trust you with decisions, you swore as entered Choi Yeonjun’s restaurant. The place was filled with the usual chatter and comforting music, none of that helped you feel at ease though because the moment you entered you were greeted by the person you were desperately trying to get away from. At this point you weren’t sure if it was just your crush or your guilt making you do that. Whatever the reason your heart hammered in your chest as you took in the boy’s appearance. A casual white shirt and black sweatpants but he still looked like he’d stepped straight out of a loungewear magazine. You gave him a small smile, hoping he’d give you a curt greeting and head to the table, but he stayed there, eyes raking your body and then fixating on your smile as he made no attempt to return one and you felt yours droop as well.

This was getting awkward and frankly Sunghoon was tired of the silence, and completely exasperated by you.

“Why haven’t you answered any of my texts?” he asked after a short intake of breath.

Because I didn’t want to hear you talk about Reyna.

“I didn’t see your messages.” You gave a forced smile trying to move away and get to your friends’ table. You could see Heesung and Jay exchange looks and Jake getting up from his seat, but almost immediately Reyna tugged his arm, pulling him back to his seat.

Clicking your tongue in annoyance, you looked the boy in front of you with annoyance.

“Sunghoon can you please get out of my- ” your whine was cut short as he tightly grabbed your elbow, tugging you outside the restaurant.

“What the hell Sunghoon?” you exclaimed in frustration, pulling your arm away from his grip, “What’s wrong with you?”

He promptly dropped his hand to his side, face falling slightly as he saw your reddened arm.

“I am sorry.” He spoke genuinely, and you felt your anger ebb away as he gently inspected your hand.

You stared at him expectantly, already knowing what was going to come and hoping he wouldn’t say it.

“I just miss you,” he rubbed the back of your hand with his thumb, eyes almost watering.

You could taste metal on your tongue from how tight you were biting down on it.

“I don’t know what I did (Name),” his voice was a hoarse whisper now.

Your fingers clutched your dress tightly onto fists as you see a tear escape his eyes even as he turns his head to the side.

“You’ll…” the boy in front of you seemed to hesitate before he cleared his throat,” you’ll forgive me if I hurt you, won’t you? I am sorry, I am really-“

Hugging Sunghoon felt like comforting, even though you were both in tears and you could feel his shirt soak under your skin.

“You did nothing, I- I was just distracted. Sorry.” you mumble softly, nuzzling your face further in your friend’s arm, eyes averted to ground.

“It's okay, just text back every once in a while, okay? I wanted to tell you so many things,” you could feel Sunghoon smile into your skin as he heard you, “I do too.”

Your mind drifted towards Jake, the boy would be worried sick till you returned and you felt yourself letting out a smile thinking of his funny frown in spite of the previously almost morbid atmosphere.

“Is it about Jake?” you looked up at the boy, his lips quirked up in a teasing smile.

“You know?”

“You’ve been ditching me all this while to hang out with that bastard,” Sunghoon let out a chuckle, looping his arm around yours as he walked you towards the nearby park, “Of course I know.”

“Shouldn’t we go back to the otherst?” you looked at him questioningly, making no efforts to leave though.

“They can wait. Besides, I have something I want to tell you.”

None of you seemed to notice the retreating figure of Jake Sim.

“It’s my turn,” you tried pushing Sunghoon off the swing but he clung on adamantly.

You didn’t even care for the swing really. It just felt good being with him, you could almost feel the corners of your lips turning up watching him staring into the distance.

Sunsets were never your thing but Sunghoon always loved the hues of the sky around that time.

“What did you want to tell me?” your throat was choking up again, but you weren’t going to cry anymore.

You’d be a better friend. And you’d be happy for your friend.

“I really like Reyna,”

Yeah, no, fuck being a good friend.

“I..” you began but immediately stopped yourself.

You were not extraordinary at anything but being a good friend. You had your shortcomings but your friends came before anything else. You weren’t just going to hurt yourself by revealing your feelings, because you know Sunghoon like the back of your hand.

He’d give up on Reyna.

You’d break two hearts to save one.

So you nodded your head furiously, pushing his head to the front as he stared up at you in amusement, not trusting your voice till you could take in a deep breath at least.

“I know, you’re not subtle.” You chuckled.

“Really?” he looked back at you aghast, “Do you think she noticed?”

Hands fiddling with the rope of the swing you smiled softly.

“She’s not dumb Hoon.”

“Shit, what should I do?” he got up instantly.

“Tell her,” you could feel your cheeks dampen.

Thank goodness for the dark, really.

“I…what if she doesn’t?” Sunghoon seemed hesitant but you know he’d go anyway.

He gave you a small smile before patting your head softly, ”I should go, shouldn’t I?”

No, please don’t.

“Of course, dumbass.” your voice wavered slightly, but Sunghoon didn’t notice, even as he turned back a few steps out of the playground to wave at you, his back turned to you before you could return the favor.

It didn’t take very long for Sunghoon’s silhouette to disappear and suddenly, your feet were too heavy and your body too exhausted, you felt yourself crash to the ground, your hands clutched the grass tightly. Unmindful of the tears that flowed relentlessly.. The last thing you saw before you collapse were Jake Sim’s eyes staring into yours with concern.

All your friends were delusional idiots.

Except for he-who-must-not-be-named and Reyna, because they weren’t there for dinner with the rest of your group. The realization alone was enough to send a pang of hurt down your chest.

All it took was Jake kissing your cheek as he brought you back to the restaurant and your friends (save for Jungwon and Yuna who looked suspiciously smug) were convinced you were soulmates. They weren’t overtly dramatic either, other than the random gasps they’d let out each time you guys even looked at each other. Or maybe you judged too soon.

“I knew there was something going on!” Jay exclaimed when Jake held your hand in his, making Sunoo gag.

That little bastard.

“Move on, Jay.” Heesung hit Jongseong over his head, smile immediately after so he could ask the boy to pass the salt to him.

“What?” Jay distractedly passed the pepper to an annoyed Heesung instead, looking pointedly at Jungwon who seemed really immersed in his pepperoni pizza, “You guys said I was over thinking it.”

Jungwon didn’t even like pepperoni.

He pointed at you, nudging Heesung who was visibly frustrated by now, “She is the one who over thinks everything. You guys never trust me.”

This fucker.

You gave him a tight lipped smile, picking up your fork with murderous eyes not scaring him in the slightest as he smirked at your intertwined hands. Neither of you made any efforts to separate your hands though.

Not only did you have to play pretend with your freshly broken heart but you also had to watch your friends dissect said pretend relationship. It’s not like you had much of a choice though, it would be better to see a lovesick Sunghoon with fake boyfriend Jake than without him.

‘Hey, I believed you!’ Sunoo raised his hand halfway before picking up another slice of pizza “I even saw them making out in the auditorium,”

Jake’s clutch on your hand grew tighter as he choked on whatever he was eating as you glared at Sunoo. Maybe you shouldn’t feel bad about lying after all.

“I knew Jake was crushing hard dude.” Jay guffawed.

Jungwon gave Yuna condescending smile, subsequently being greeted by a kick to the shin by said girl.

Your smile wavered slightly as you saw Sunghoon and Reyna in the distance, hands intertwined, not noticing Jake’s reddened cheeks till you felt your hand being tugged upwards.

“Guys, me and (Name) should head home,” Jake stood up, looking down at you with a hesitant smile.

“Oh God, are you really going to start mak-”

“Shut up Sunoo,” the two of you muttered together, as you got up amidst the chatter of your friends, eyes meeting with Yeonjun who was dealing with a fussy customer, he gave you a small smile before turning his attention back to the man.

Your mind still hazy as Jake led you out and into his car, the ride was a silent one but your mind didn’t give you a minute of peace.

He handed you a glass of lemonade from the nearby stall, as you aimlessly swung around trying to come up with an excuse for when he’d ask you why he found you shaking and sobbing on a playground.

“Can I ask you something?” he twisted the swing towards him, as you shook your head softly.

“Alright,” he had replied complacently, “let’s talk when you want to.”

You weren’t sure if you had ever felt as empty as you did that night. You turned to the side to look at the boy beside you.

“What did you want to ask?”

“It’s fine, you don’t have to answer.” he looked at you for a second before returning his attention to the road ahead.

“You already know, don’t you?” you sighed, eyes on your lap burning looking at the boy next to you.

Jake nodded hesitantly, before veering the car towards the way home.

“I don’t want to go home,” you sat up frantically.

He slowed the car down to a stop before turning to face you.

“May I hug you?” he asked softly.

You nodded after a second of thought.

You were the kind of person who liked the idea of hugs more than hugs itself, you almost never felt the feeling of warmth envelop you like books said. Until that hug. You’ve hugged Jake before, cuddled even (He’s a very touchy person and always gets scared when you watch horror movies. It always ends up with his face buried in your hair). This hug was different though, he smelled like vanilla and you felt your burning as he rubbing soothing circles on your back. His arms around you made you feel like you were 12 again, safe from heartbreaks and growing up, drinking hot chocolate instead of coffee. Suddenly, it was too hard to keep it in. Your lashes getting heavy with the weight of tears that you were trying to hold back, throat hurting from the buried words you’d tried to choke down with smiles.

Dilemma c) The only boy you’d ever loved didn’t love you back and it hurt to admit that, so you sufficed with believing that you didn’t love. You couldn’t love.

“You know what,” you sniffled pulling Jake closer, not willing to leave his grasp just yet, “he once told me I wouldn’t end up dating anyone because he raised my standards too high. That dickhead.”

Jake couldn’t really hear a lot of what you were saying, your voice muffled by his shirt, but he knew you needed him right now, so even though he felt his breath hitch as your buried your face deeper in his neck, he stayed quiet, patting your hair softly.

“I have liked him for so long, ho- how can he just leave me and-” your voice broke into sobs again and Jake could feel his heart drop in his chest, silently cursing the boy in his mind.

Jake held nothing against Sunghoon really, except his obliviousness to your obvious feelings. He was surprised no one else had caught onto how you only ever shared your treasured pack of orange juice with him or completed his assignments with yours whenever he missed classes or despite obviously caring for Reyna, you completely avoided her whenever she was around Sunghoon.

“Even if, he doesn’t love me like that he should have- Are you crying?” your thumb swiped over his cheeks gently.

He hadn’t even realized that he was crying you mentioned it but sure enough he was sniffling a few minutes later, unsure of how appropriate it was to be crying to your crush’s sob story of her unrequited love.

“Sorry,” he rubbed his hands over his face roughly, feeling his heart lighten when he saw you smiling at him.

“Do you believe in love?” you asked him once he began driving again.

You felt lighter, like a weight had been lifted off your shoulder now that you had cried it out.

“Yeah,” he responded almost immediately.

“What’s it like?” you asked, chin buried in the crevice between your knees as you sat  on the passenger seat.

“Like coming home,” he gave you a soft smile, bringing the car to a stop in front of your apartment.

You didn’t want to be alone.

“Can you stay? Please?” you looked pleadingly at him and he gave in quickly to your surprise.

“Only if we are drinking.” he looped his arm around your shoulder.

You let out a laugh..

The next morning came like an epiphany (and a terrible hangover). Two realizations at hand a) You couldn’t go through with the fake dates. You told Jake as much, he looked up from where was what you assumed trying to make you pancakes, he didn’t look surprised at all. He simply nodded and gave you a reassuring smile, “It’s fine. I’ll tell the others we were messing around or something.”

You gave him a pained smile, unsure if the boy remembered the previous night well.

“You can just say we broke it off because we are better off as friends or something.” He suggested as you continued chucking clothes into your bag, not looking at the way his hands trembled.

He wanted to ask you if you were leaving, and if you were feeling better now, but he decided to stay quiet, he had ended up breaking his own heart while trying to fix yours.

He opted to leave after you ate the burnt pancakes together, only receiving a small smile in return when he asked if he’d see you in college on Monday.

b) You needed to leave for a little while, if only to get your thoughts straight. You had done something you shouldn’t have and now your brain was a mess.

You spent the next few minutes informing your employers that you needed to take a few days off, thankfully both were fine with it. Unfortunately you weren’t, it felt like you were running away, you tried to convince your mind uselessly but the damn thing just wouldn’t shut up till you were in your car on the way home, speakers blaring Gracie Abrams because you were too much of a coward to listen to Olivia Rodrigo. Your phone lay switched off amid your haphazardly packed clothes. You wouldn’t need it for a while.

Niki was grounded, and your phone was in your brother’s hand exactly 7 minutes after your random visit home. At least your mother was pleased to see you, although she constantly kept turning your wrists around, worrying that you hadn’t been eating well. Your dad wasn’t home and you were thankful that you didn’t have to see him because you know you’d burst into tears immediately if you did.

You didn’t like doing chores but Niki had grown more rebellious than you remembered and so it ended up being you and your mom alone in the kitchen, chopping vegetables and talking.

“He’s such a stubborn boy,” your mother complained with a smile.

You looked at her inquisitively.

“He and Yeonhee broke up,” She shook her head tiredly “He needs to understand that relationships need time and patience, but this stubborn boy.”

Your hands shivering, trying to ignore how your mother’s words had hit you like a brick.  Yeonhee was like a little sister to you, she was always over at your house, playing with Niki and pranking you when you least expected it.

“Why all of a sudden?”

“The boy won’t tell me a thing. Anyway, how have you been doing love?” your mother smiled at you before patting your cheek lovingly “Resting enough?”

“Yeah, I always rest when I should mum,” you replied inattentively, thoughts swimming in your head.

“I need to talk to Niki, mom,” you told her hurriedly placing a kiss on her cheek as you went upstairs.

“Niki!”

“The door’s opened. Come in.”

You threw yourself on the unsuspecting boy, hitting him on the head right as he relaxed into the hug.

“Ouch, what was that for?”

“How are you?”

“You.” he pushed you away by your shoulders, staring sternly at you “You heard about Yeon, didn’t you?”

“Yeah,” you pouted slightly burying your face in the pillow before facing him “Wanna talk about it? Are you okay?”

“I don’t know, mom keeps telling me I am wrong,” he scoffed, playing with the ends of his sleeves.

“You’ve known her since forever, kiddo. She’s just worried you didn’t think it through.” you tapped his knees to get him to listen.

“It’s just strange,” he whined poking your arm for no reason eliciting more prodding from you “I really care for her still but sometimes I think, I like the idea of her more. When we were friends it was so much different. It’s like I push everyone else away when I think of her, and that’s not healthy.”

Your breath hitched.

Your brother continued unaware of how guilty you felt, “It’s not like I can control my feelings you know. And I do care for her. A lot but I started doing everything the way she liked instead of what I wanted, I even fought with my friends because she wanted to spend all the time with me.”

His voice broke slightly at the end, making your heart hurt. You didn’t like seeing him this way.

“Hey, hey please don’t cry. You should just.. talk once instead of hiding away like this though, okay? I’m sure she’ll understand.”

Hypocrite, the voice in your head muttered.

You have no idea why but your inner monologue person is the meanest human you’ve ever interacted with. And it’s you! You love making yourself hurt, don’t you?

“You’re…you are doing the same thing, aren’t you?”

Niki’s voice trailed towards the end, eyes wandering towards your phone that you grabbed before he could.

“What?” you nudged him playfully “Don’t snoop around my messages, man.”

“Sorry” he muttered “Did you not tell anyone you were coming home though?”

“I- no, no I didn’t.” you corrected yourself with a sigh.

“You know it’s okay to prioritize yourself once in a while, right?”

“Yeah,” you whispered half-heartedly.

“How did you know?” you hesitantly asked your brother, who waited for you to clarify, “How did you know you just liked the idea of her and not her.”

“I-“ he cut himself off with contrite smile, “I felt the happiest around someone else.”

You looked at him with a stricken face.

“Oh, come on (Name) I am not a dick, I didn’t do anything.”

You let his previous words sink as you thought about your own situation. Was it possible that you only liked the idea of Sunghoon? It seemed that way sometimes, you’d forget all about the boy when you were with Jake, and kissing the latter had seemed so right even thought you were both way too buzzed o remember properly, just that you had melted in his arms and fallen asleep right after.

“(Name) you know I’m here for you, yeah?” He said seriously, you could only nod, wondering just how different your dynamics were as opposed to most other siblings as you walked out. Niki had always been selfless, never fighting and ready to give up his share of things if that’d make you happy.

Avoiding people and situations that made you uncomfortable had always been your way of dealing with them. Letting go of your years old friendship with Sunghoon just because you couldn’t deal with your feelings in a healthy manner and then fleeing for home when you heard Jake confess his love for you in your sleep. You wonder how many heartbreaks that humans cry over were created by them.

“Mom, I’ll go back tomorrow.”

“That soon?”

“I have…someone I need to talk to and,” your voice dipped “apologise to.”

You checked your phone on your way back, 18 missed calls from Sunghoon, 21 from Yuna, 16 from Jungwon and Jay, 14 from Heesung and Sunoo, messages from your friends flooding your phone. 1 message from Jake. Your finger hovered over his name, unsure of whether you should click it or not.  You go with the latter. You had to talk to someone first.

She looked gorgeous in the casual blue dress she’d worn. Then again, Reyna always looked stunning, she looked a little lost till she saw you waving at her. Her smile amplified as she hugged you tightly before landing a firm punch on your arm as you whined, unable to control the smile on your lips.

“You had us terrified, idiot.” she took the seat in front of yours, looking you up and down, making you laugh.

“Are you checking me out?” you asked with a smirk.

“Oh, you know it,” she returned easily.

God, you missed this. You were such an idiot.

“I am sorry.” You took in a deep breath.

“I know,” she placed her hand atop yours “It’s fine. You should take as long as you need.”

“Did you see the other guys?” you asked, hands crossed over your lap.

“Oh no. Hoon wanted to visit the park and we thought we’ll start rejoining the group dinners after a bit. You and Jake left early too, didn’t you?”

You fiddled with your fingers, “Yeah.”

“I… Can I ask you something?” you looked at her hesitantly.

“Of course” she smiled sweetly.

“Did, um, did Jake tell you why I took off randomly?”

You just couldn’t do it. You couldn’t tell your friend that you used to have a crush on your boyfriend, that would be a huge dick move, even by your standards (You’d be lying if you said telling on people during elementary and middle school wasn’t your favorite past time, you defended yourself by saying Honesty was a virtue but you were not going to follow Harishchandra’s example here even though you’d only just decided to come clean).

“Yeah, he said you guys had a quarrel and he said something that made you leave. Wouldn’t say what even though Hoon threatened him.” she grabbed the cup of coffee and doughnut that the waiter served, eating slowly before continuing “Did he say something really mean?”

You took in a deep breath.

“He said he loved me.”

Reyna stopped eating.

“Oh”

“Yeah,” you couldn’t stop the chuckle while looking at her confused face.

“Is that bad? Too soon?” she asked, leaning back in her seat.

“No, it’s just-“

“You don’t.” she finished for you.

“I am not sure.” You spoke softly, eyes fixated on the table.

You felt horrid. Is this how Sunghoon would feel had you confessed?

“I wish I did,” you spoke hurriedly before she could respond “I really do, but I, I liked someone else for a really long time and then I just realized that I maybe didn’t like him and I do like Jake but.”

You let out a groan, frustrated by the jumbled mess you were spewing.

“You know, (Name),” Reyna spoke slowly like she was talking to a child “If he really loves you, he’ll wait. He’ll wait till you are ready.”

“Jake please,” you pleaded trying to stop him from leaving the diner, aware of how shocked your friends looked but trying your best to ignore their stares.

It’d been a week since you returned, you hadn’t talked to anyone other than Reyna. Having cleared your head about everything you’d decided you’ll talk to everyone at the restaurant, apologize and ask Jake if you could talk once everyone left but he had stood up immediately as he saw you. You could hear yourself gasp at how gaunt he looked in just a week, his bright eyes looked anything but as you approached closer watching him blink at you like he’d seen a ghost, immediately the chatter of the rest of your friends dimmed as he got up and walked right past you, you grabbed his arm before he could leave.

“Please,” you had never felt this helpless.

He took his hand out of your grasp, “(Name) I really can’t talk right now, I am exhausted and.-“

“Jake, I really don’t know what to say here. Can we please not talk alone?”

“(Name) I-” his voice was cut off by Jay’s.

“(Name) you had us scared shitless, You should’ve at least replied to the messages.”

“I needed some time off guys,” you replied, eyes still stuck on Jake.

“It’s alright (Name),” Heesung assured you “Reyna told us you needed some time.”

You could see Sunghoon getting out of his chair from the corner of your eye, but for the first time in so long it didn’t matter, what he had to say could wait and the realization was accompanied by a slow burn in back of your throat.

Just how many times had you ignored or hurt Jake, too sidetracked by what you felt for Sunghoon?

Your other friends continued to talk but their voice fell on deaf ears, as you wistfully looked at Jake silently asking him for a chance.

“Okay,” he nodded at last “Let’s go.”

You didn’t know where to begin.

“We kissed.” he spoke after a moment of silence, eyes never wavering from the road he was driving on.

“We kissed and I ended up confessing, but you regretted the kiss and you didn’t like me back, so you just..left.” His voice had no emotion it, like he had been saying this line a countless number of times till the pain ebbed away and left a blank instead.

“That’s not it, I just-” you tried to collect your thoughts “I am sorry. I know I scared everyone but I felt so confused because I liked it. I liked kissing you and then when you said – I was just so unsure, I needed time to figure it out.”

“(Name) I know it was sudden and this was not how I planned on telling you, if at all and I get that you needed time but would it really hurt to at least…not leave me hanging?”

“I wasn’t thinking, Sunghoon and Reyna, and then you- you made feel like for the first time like there was…someone else I could’ve liked.”

At that, Jake’s eyes flickered to yours, still hesitant as if he couldn’t be sure if you were talking about him.

“I was just all over the place. I should’ve talked to you.” you continued regretfully, placing your head on the headrest “I hurt you, didn’t I?”

“Yes,” he replied without hesitation “but do you, do you mean what you just said?”

You nodded slowly, hands grasping your dress tightly, “I don’t think I like Hoon the way I thought I did. But I can’t be sure about my feelings, Jake, I don’t want to hurt you again.”

“(Name)” Jake’s voice was gentler this time, “What if I want to take that chance?”

You sat up straight in your seat.

“You do?”

“I will.”

You looked at him in surprise, eyes still teary as he pulled up in front of your house.

You stayed as you were for a while, before getting out of the car and turning towards the boy.

“I’ll see you soon?” you asked hesitantly as he gave a small smile and a nod.

“And hey (Name),” he called out after you, “Second date tomorrow.”

Your hands were shaking as you reached for your phone, pressing the floor number on the escalator, heart beating fast as you finally clicked the message you had been avoiding.

You asked me what love was. I didn’t know for sure then and I don’t know it for sure now but, I think it’s when the kitchen is a mess because we tried to bake a cake together but now there’s flour everywhere and our first instinct is to look at each other and laugh. Love is when I can’t fall sleep at night and look at the glow in the dark stars pasted lopsidedly on the roof and smile unconsciously remembering the shaky ladder and mumbled threats and breathy laughter. Love is when I sit still on my desk and randomly doodle your name on my books and laugh about it. Love is you holding my hand and stealing my hoodie and watching cringy rom-coms and eating half burnt pancakes because neither of us paid attention to the time but that's okay, because we are eating it together. Love is the fragrance of coffee in the air, when I get back home after a tiring day and crash onto the couch but you call to tell me about Professor Green’s horrible class policies and suddenly I’m not so tired anymore. Love is wrapping you in my arms and feeling like I'm finally home, even though I’m not sure I’ve ever been home before but that’s okay because in my dreams we always make it there, under the pouring in rain, the umbrella forgotten somewhere along the way, running and laughing and tripping over untied shoelaces, but we always make it home

 Your finger trembled as you clicked the next message from Jake

And by the way, you’ve always been the main character to me.

Goodnight (Name), I’ll see you tomorrow ❤

Thank you for reading, grab a cookie :)