#trying to find some positives here
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one positive about this hellscape that we’ve found ourselves in is that it makes elain’s right to choose for herself in the next book that much more impactful and profound 🫶
#trying to find some positives here#there are admittedly very few#elriel#pro elriel#elain x azriel#elriel endgame#pro elain
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saying this as respectfully as possible but. Do not put fandom content creators on a pedestal. We are also just fans contributing to a community just as you are. We have boundary on our own work and that’s it. What I say is not and should not be considered sth the whole fandom should listen to. I’m just a normal ass person ranting about things on my blog. If it does not have a fandom tag for others to engage in, do not make it out to be me trying to start fights or addressing the whole community. Because it’s not.
I’ve said it before and I will say it again, my art, my lore talk, is biased. I’ve never tried to hide that I view Marika a certain way and will always develop my theory following that base assumption.
Aside from translation stuffs and pointing out in-game items, everything else I say you can look at it, agree or disagree, and move on to form your own opinions. Just because I draw stuffs doesn’t mean you get to saddle me with responsibilities about managing fandom expectations. What the hell? I’m a fan artist, I’m the last person who you should look at for “leaderism” (?) WHAT?
I can and will be a hater in my own space, like I know sometimes other artists will just post their stuffs and not engage too heavily with fandom, and for a while I did try to do that here (because I’m already a dramatic ass on twitter), that’s just not me though.
You will get art and you will get my opinions as well.

#asking ppl to [celebrate different takes] is... WHAT?#different takes as in well I think she likes apples and you think she likes grapes. yeah that’s some fun discussion to be have#but different takes as in the fundamental of a character’s drive and personality??? NO#let’s put that down very clear here#I can still read fics where Marika is cold and calculate and manipulative as long as I can see there’re layers to it and the author#set it up in a way that I can see they got her backstory and build those layers based on that#and then there are ppl who literally only portray her as omg evil girlboss 101 let’s blame everything on this cardboard character#then I click back.#and there r ppl who might not vibe with how i portray her and they can ignore me. THAT'S OK TOO. we r in our own space.#it’s as simple as that!#ever since the dlc is out i literally could see the amount of ppl blocking me go up and im just “ok” because i do go around muting ppl too.#that's normal fandom space managing experience. pls do that#lore discussion is for ppl to engage in so u say ur piece i say mine and we can continue or not depending on situation#but FANWORK? leave each other alone or be a hater in ur own space ok?#personal#also where are these ppl who have been defending Marika at... because if u exclude me#and some others i can count on one hand. where are these ppl?#ppl saying headass stuffs about the HS aren't even Marika fans or engage too much in fandom to begin with#meanwhile u can't even find one youtube lore essay that says anything good about her#ppl are even trying to give Messmer's mother position to GEQ for no goddamn reason#like where is this overwhelming support for Marika at cuz as the active Marika stan around im not seeing it
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who here remembers my dhmis era ???? anyway i redid my recolor trio interpretation for shits and giggles 😊
#you can leave the dhmis phase but the dhmis phase never leaves you 😞🐺#remember when i was CRAZY about them 😭😭🙏🙏 ???? actually my insta followers mightve only gotten the worst of it yall dont even know#not really party rocking with my old interpretation of the recolor trio#theyre a little less normal now but its for the best#green is kinda weird and ominous. she often offers violence as a solution to some problems. she wants to find a way to escape the most#cardinal is NOT having it here. she thought the horrors were for one day only!! she mad as hell!! kinda wine mom energy if you squint#but shes mostly just a butch whos kind of bossy sometimes#blue is the more positive one there; always trying 2 help as much as she can#but shes actually quite timid at times; and not too great with conflict#dhmis#dhmis fanart#dont hug me im scared#dont hug me im scared fanart#dhmis au#dhmis recolor trio#dhmis cardinal#dhmis green guy#dhmis blue guy#dhmis web series
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Hot Take
(I have no clue if this is or isnt a hot take considering I have never seen this take been made before)

Bianca di Angelo would find her hot
#Pjo#pjo hoo toa#pjo headcannon#bianca di Angelo headcannon#Bianca di angelo#Look#bia is at least a little gay okay#At least a little#At fifteen she would’ve forever and always been bejeweled#By Taylor swift#This is me trying okay?#I know her all too well I don’t care if this a treacherous ground I am untouchable on this position okay?#It is timeless in my brain#And you can try#In fact#come back…be here tell me why exactly she wouldn’t find Taylor swift hot okay?#And before you do I would just like you to know that I know places some very illicit affairs take place okay? Long story short I can see yo#Okay? No body no crime if you get what I’m saying#So how about you go ahead#Speak now Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus or what ever the hell your name is#And don’t blame me#The way I see it is Bianca is a blank space that you can write anything into#And it’s not a hoax I just see her as almost dying in the labyrinth then going on to begin again surviving the Great War#Then going on to be a mad woman doing better then revenge vigilante shit serving karma to those she has bad blood with#While finding Taylor swift hot#I also feel like she would be a writer#like She would be fresh out the slammer while re reading her manuscript about the last great American Dynasty#Is it over now?#Yeah okay I’ll stop#This probably took me at least 22 minutes
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Hey so I did actually make a little primer for any of you interested in learning about hockey :) It covers the basic rules and pretty much goes in order of the bare minimum you'd need to know to understand what's going on. It does not include propaganda for convincing you to watch hockey. There's a final section I'll keep expanding on that's just personal enjoyment, and maybe I'll put propaganda there, but the actual meat focused on explaining how to watch the game is all completed and hopefully actually useful :)!
#hockey#it's very broad strokes but the beauty of hockey is like. its got minutae but really you don't need to know about that to watch a game#covered here are like. what are the different positions? why are players going back and forth instead of just forward? why did play stop?#i will think about adding to it if theres something people want added and otherwise just generally ill take questions BUT as stated in the#primer i am noooooot qualified to actually really teach anyone in depth about hockey lmao so truly!!! you may have more mileage just trying#to find an answer yourself!#that said. its genuinely a really fun game and super easy to watch. you could literally stop at the 4th slide and do fine lmao#and that's really the first slide in terms of content. truly#the rest just makes some stuff clearer#anyway CHECK OUT HOCKEY#this does not include any rpf or team propaganda though the final for fun section is probably going to eventually have just a lot of like.#fun facts. currently its just a slide that says hockey players are really fucking stupid
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I rewatched the recording I made of rye talking to solas for the last time before the big betrayal ('words of the dread wolf'), and it made me have to sit with my face in my hands for a while over the fact that like... rye did everything right, especially by the ideals of the mourn watch when it comes to interacting with spirits. he's cautious but not disrespectful, he gives gratitude and credit and even some companionable banter where it's due, he's willing to hear solas' point of view out even if he doesn't necessarily buy what he's selling, he stays on his guard the whole time but is honest and fair in his dealings with him as far as possible. and it doesn't matter one fucking bit!!! you can make no mistakes, commit no sins, and still fail, still be at the mercy of a lack of mercy and pure callous circumstance!!!!! this catastrophe is coming for you no matter what. there is no perfect thing you could have done, no exact right thing for you to say, no amount of careful or clever you could have been that could have outtricked these circumstances or would have saved you or anyone else. (nothing you could do to save varric either, but you don't know about that yet. it's just that awful feeling in the back of your mind you keep shying away from like it burns you.)
that's... such a painful but important lesson to have to learn in some ways, I think. both forgiving yourself for what you couldn't know until you did, what you couldn't do and never could have done (should never have been made to face, in a better kinder world), and having to accept the shattered illusion of perfect control and safety ever becoming achievable -- if only I do everything right, everything will be okay. and if things aren't okay, that's because I did something wrong and if I were better the bad thing wouldn't have happened; the logic and grief and desperation to hold on to goodness of a child. the logic solas is unable to let go of from the moment he took physical form and to this day (for all his age and experience I can fix this, I can still fix this is the helpless cry of a child, just one dangerously amplified by near-divine levels of power and a very clever mind), and that rook has to learn to let go of or else drown. the examination of that central question of like... you can act with the best of intentions in this world and with as much information as possible and there will still be unforeseen consequences. bad things will still happen. sometimes it won't even be anyone's fault, no one ever meant for it to happen like that. but it did. it did. how will you live with that? in this game is so GOOD. what a theme
#it makes me so angry on rye's behalf at solas. you *asshole*! you fucking bastard! all these hands reaching out to you honestly#and this is what you do?? THIS is what you choose to do to him after killing one of the most important people in his life????#and deliberately magically gaslighting him about it for MONTHS? oh. fade jail for solas. fade jail for solas for ten thousand years#you bit the hand that reached out to you with good intentions and when it comes back it's going to be holding a knife lol#so interesting to see the way the two of them are very similar in some ways (and then the ways they aren't)#solas fills me with equal amounts of horrified compassion and righteous rage and this is the wrath side of the coin lol#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#oc: Ellaryen Ingellvar#solas#Dynamic: That my keen knife see not the wound it makes#also something this line of thinking uncovered for me personally something like...#as the subtype of autistic where something deep inside me is convinced that if only I find exactly the right words#if only I paint what I'm feeling in words until I reach photorealistic clarity -- explain myself *perfectly* in every nuance#THEN I will finally be *understood* because it just doesn't seem to happen naturally ever. so that's all on me. if only I was good enough#connection would finally happen if I could just do all the steps *right*#and having to face that it doesn't really work like that. you can try but it's not actually in your control.#and also not always your responsibility either past a certain point.#...sobering. terrible news. and slightly liberating#also don't even try with people who're in the solas position here b/c he's not actually listening. or if he is listening it's not to you
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Animorphs Book club book 8
My reaction can be summarised as this (yet again):

I don't have many thoughts because uh. That was depressing as hell and I need to stare at a wall.
But I DO gotta say that the subplot with the dead "wife" was so telenovela-esque that for a good minute it was more funny than depressing. Then it got depressing. But it was so jarring and so far out of the left field that for a good second my friend and I had to pause the audiobook and laugh because ????????? Unhinged to just appear, go "I am Eslin, I have a G U N. My secret wife was killed. By my boss. Now I yearn for sweet sweet revenge." and not elaborate. Like. Damn dude ok. Sorry about our wife also. Fucking killed me that he continued like "So anyway I reacted adequately by killing all of my boss' friends. Starvation style." Like ???? Jjhsgdjsdfghsjdfh what????? I mean damn I do respect the grind set but also that's such an absurd escalation out of context. Did your boss kill your wife? Kill all of his friends! And in context the most absurd part is probably the notion that Visser 3 has friends??????? Like??? Wait no Eslin. Eslin wait. I love your John Wick-esque "fridged wife" trope swag but you need to slow down. I need details. I need you to tell me HOW your boss even has friends.
In my heart I do not believe we will see that madman ever again but on god I do wish for an insane telenovela-esque sequence of him just showing up at the most random moment to do exactly one thing and that's to pull a gun on Visser 3. For no reason, I just think it would be kinda funny. Like,,,did your boss kill your wife?:
Kill all of his friends
Acquire a G U N
Attempt to make the local Andalite youth assassinate your boss for you
Pull the gun on your boss
???????
Profit (probably die)
Aside from that, I also need to say that the moment when Ax called Tobias his close friend at the end was so sweet. Also ngl kinda...concerning/harrowing how much Tobias really doesn't give a shit about not being a human. Like it doesn't seem so concerning from other points of view but the way Ax gets increasingly weirded out by Tobias not asking him about the nothlit (idk if I'm spelling that right rn) really reminds you that it IS kinda worrying. Like I get it, I mean...Tobias has no family that cares about him, he has no friends outside of the Animorphs friend group, why would he care? But it's still kinda...yeah.
Also unimaginably surprised by the amount of collective guilt present in the Andalite society. You'd think they're Catholic or something the way they keep beating themselves up and force everyone to also beat themselves up and their system itself is saturated with the guilt and shame and they teach it to kids at school from an early age. Like. Jesus Christ calm down. Stop that. As the Animorphs said at the end of the book - the Andalites made an oopsie once. It sucked, yes, it continues to have consequences that suck, yes, but it happens. Sometimes you think you're doing something kind and it turns into a disaster. That does not mean you should beat yourself up for it or, god forbid, tell other people that they should not be kind lest they make a mistake. Damn I guess we should all be cold assholes forever, huh? I'm sure that can't have any negative consequences.
Andalite society in general seems kinda unhinged. Like...do I get why it is like that? Yeah. But do I find it unhinged? Also yeah. Like ok duty and the collective being the most important things is totally sensible for a prey animal. Safety of the herd and all that. But it's still kinda unhinged that they do make everyone have duty as their number 1 priority and that they have rituals devoted to it. Not all rituals are spiritual or religious in nature, but the morning ritual is kinda...borderline religious in a way. More spiritual than religious, I suppose, but yeah.
Also I love Ax so much. 10/10 character. He has it all: an incredibly hilarious desire for cinnamon buns, the inability to act like a human being (same dude), spitting random facts at completely random times, a thirst for blood only a 13(?) years old could have, a dysfunctional obsession with duty and doing what is right that only a 13(?) years old could have (also lol yeah dude I was like that when I was 13 too. dw you'll grow out of it), he can even code. And he might even be bi (I'm joking but I' referring to the fact that he was like "Yeah so when I morph into a human form I suddenly agree that Rachel is beautiful and that Marco is cute.").
#animorphs#animorphs book club#honestly though i was starting to wonder WHEN some Yeerks would go 'fuck it i dont hate to put up with that idiots shit. i vote for mutiny.#because like...Visser 3 is...well id describe him as the empires weakest soldier. like he seems to have SOME brain cells rattling around bu#he doesnt seem to use them correctly?? like ok he is pretty paranoid and that itself is annoying. he is obsessed with Andalites enough to b#mockingly called 'half-Andalite fool' by some of his subordinates. he lacks charisma and cannot for the life of him even look like a leader#of any sort. he is deeply unpleasant to be around and nobody enjoys his company. he is half-decent at planning but only half-decent#and what he manages to plan he tends to ruin by every other aspect of himself (either he antagonises his subordinates so much that they don#tell him information or he makes an impulsive decision etc etc)#he is nearly fully incompetent and his only advantage is that everyone is afraid of him. but the problem is that theyre afraid for a#good reason and that is BAD because that means that one day theyll become too pissed to be afraid. like. ok. he has a famine on his hands.#he makes the brutal and cruel but strategically sound decision to reduce the numbers of the soldiers. he immediately fucks up big time#by killing them more or less at random instead of being strategic about it. a strategic plan would be to kill someone and find out who#all of their colleagues are and kill those too. if you dont kill a subordinates colleague because they happen to have a more important#position; of course that person will be pissed off and probably organise a group with OTHER similar people and that group WILL#attempt to murder you (probably brutally) or die trying. so basically he antagonises literally everyone around him by being personally#unpleasant; volatile; conceited and impulsively aggressive AND incapable of as much as hearing feedback or willing to change his mind#and the last point also antagonises people on a formal level. and he also kills their friends. at random. and threatens everyone constantly#hes like a if a chihuahua had a huge scorpion tail and it was absolutely deadset on asserting itself by simply slashing everything and#everyone with that tail. like genuinely he has no charisma he doesnt even pretend to care about anything that doesnt interest him he is#inflexible he cant adapt his plans half of the time because he wants them to be THAT way and not THAT way also why is he like my mother?#like the longer im typing this for the more i feel like im just talking about my mother. damn. thats depressing.#anyway. my point was yeah i would have been surprised if nobody wanted his head on a plate. i think all the Yeerks who are sick of his shit#should unionise. i just think itd be funny. like several of them are just like 'Man i dont give a shit about this war or whatever i just#want to be allowed to have emotions and to love my coworker over here and also my boss is a nightmare i hope he gets colic and dies'#like ok guys i have a solution. G U N
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ngl it sort of pisses me off the way adults regard Gojo in Jujutsu Kaisen at times. Which could be a very interesting and poignant point in a good way if well written, but as it is it becomes mainly just frustrating and sad in a negative way.
Nanami saying Gojo never cared about anything or anyone other than himself crashes interestingly with Kusakabe saying the whole situation was just all his fault because he refused to kill Itadori. The students are very aware of those aspects of Gojo's personality, but overall they seem to regard him with way more kindness and fondness even when at their rudest, not truly coinciding with either Nanami's or Kusakabe's views.
#Kusakabe's words are harsh and negative but there's some true and some logic to them#but in beholding the entire story and the whole context‚ especially with the flashbacks in mind‚ in getting to know the sweet kid Yuuji is‚#the reader is made to find Kusakabe's words a bit outrageous and cruel and Gojo's position becomes the obvious one like Nanami's was#Like Kusakabe's is too in a way since he too says no matter what it's always the adults' fault whatever the cause was#And following the story we see Gojo cared a lot about those kids and them keeping their youthful cheerfulness if in his very flippant way#That's basically his main constant thread. We see it at the very beginning in what he did for Yuta and how Yuta is so fond of him#We see him at the very end in a way too with the letters he left#And his entire motivation was changing the very messed up society to avoid the kids going through what he and his friends went through#and to prevent them from being lonely the way he felt he was. Ontologically alienated. Entirely othered#And of course it's in part him keeping people away like Shoko. Or even Yuta (though here again it's at the core of his action his attempt#at protecting the kids and trying to prevent them from growing too fast)#And of course this is motivated by his own experiences and in that sense not entirely a selfless act#But those things still don't negate that his goal was for the future kids to be... in a better situation than what he and his friends lived#So Nanami's words are very cruel and... blind. Of course it's possible that Gojo's way of approaching the problem is still something#Nanami would regard as selfish (but it could be argued that so is Nanami's)�� or that Gojo's perception of Nanami's way of thinking#about him would be this negative. But what we see through the story absolutely contradict Nanami's words in that airport#And though both Nanami's words and Kusakabe's are negative in regards to Gojo‚ they in a way contradict each other#The kids' words and way of seeing Gojo is most of the time more... accurate? If also diverse among them#They see him like an idiot. They trust him. They think he's childish and annoying. They love him#They find him flippant. They know he cares about them. In a way they see both what Kusakabe and Nanami say about him#The negative. And the ultimate positive aspect at the core of it all. That Gojo did care and that Gojo did take care#and that Gojo risked and sacrificed a lot for them and that Gojo was doing this in great part because of his own past#Yuta perhaps is the one who sees it best but it's so interesting too the dynamic Maki‚ Yuuji and Megumi have with Gojo‚ his acts and antics#And this whole thing‚ this frivolous and even... cruel way most adults seem to regard Gojo and how it clashes with the kids' deep feelings#about him (beyond the initial 'he's an untrustworthy idiot' though those as well!') is super interesting and super sad and super juicy#OR IT COULD BE bc in the end all that happens is that Nanami says that and Gojo pouts comically or that Kusakabe makes that offhand comment#as if it held no weight‚ as if Yuji weren't present and had never agonised over it‚ as if Gojo hadn't lost his life trying to save the kid#And yes he risked more than his life but he was trying to save a kid bc another kid (bc Megumi!) asked. But maybe it didn't matter if no one#asked. He saved Yuta too. Of course he would have risked it all. In his mix of selfishness and selflessness. Everything is so juicy#yet the writing feels so dry and lame. There's no pondering. There's talk of guilt and grief without any true sense of grieving or loss
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gonna be so clear: i'm trans. if that pisses you off, don't follow me???? gotta make a new pinned sometime i guess!!
edit: also, hey, maybe if i block you on this blog, don't go to another of my blogs to like one (1) passive aggressive post???? genuinely creepy and childish behavior. i forgot just how weird and entitled people are when i block them on this blog. i shouldn't be shocked -- one person like a decade ago tracked down my PIXIV to harass me over blocking them here -- but in 2025???? really?????????
#i was too hopeful that this blog wouldn't attract blatant weirdos anymore.#'queer positivity posts piss me off bc they aren't about me. a cis straight (white) woman.' you're over 30. grow and change as a person.#trying not to blast negativity but. my god. this is why i don't interact with the larger o.tome community at this point lol...#idk i like to check the aesthetics of the blogs of ppl who follow me here bc some people are really good at image curation#and sometimes i find some absolute bullshit instead!#046 texts
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i can't come back here until the afternoon of the 29th, posting this to hold myself accountable (& i'll be embarrassed if i turn up again)
#THREE DAYS UNTIL MY LAST EXAM AND I AM FUCKED !!! FUCKED COMPLETELY#advanced electronic systems is advanced apparently who would've thought#in theory i understand all of it but there's so much content and i'm stuck on questions that i don't think have enough information to#complete the questions with unless you make some quite brave assumptions#but i'm not sure if it's the right approach to make those#there has to be a way around it but i'm stuck drawing this circuit out and trying different angles over & over#only to end up in the same position every time#i don't have answers to this stuff to work & learn from#smh i know i'm capable i just need to lock in#but it scares me so much that i'm finding it very hard to do that#ANYWAY. posting here because i only really interact through this blog now . and i'm not allowing myself to log back in until the 29th#then i'll be free
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I'll be so doomed the day I ever get a girl f/o
#pan rambles#I say doomed in like. a positive way. In a “I'd get way too flustered” way#I haven't really talked about it here because I don't feel like I owe it to people to talk about my attraction and the complexities of it#But I'll talk about it a bit bc I just need to ramble#I'm 99% I'm Aro. At the very least some flavor of it. I don't care about finding a specific label- I've spent many years stressing about it#And I don't really feel like spending even more years stressing about it#Despite being aro- I like the idea of being in a romantic relationship one day#Even if I know it'll probably never happen#Not only am I perfectly content with my QPR rn but also because I don't think most people would be open to the idea of dating an Aro#Which hey! Is completely fair! I know the love I feel is different than what I think most people feel#Though I'd argue that even if it's not exactly the same type- It's still plenty strong.When I love my friends it's a strong feeling#I'd do anything for my friends and I love them so much that I'd literally do anything to see them happy! The love I feel for them is strong#But it's not. Romantic y'know? Augh I'm getting distracted!#Back to my initial point!!! I can't tell if I like girls or not!#I'm not exactly in a safe place irl to try to experiment with those feelings so I've been pushing it aside for so long!#But I think there's definitely a chance I like girls in the same Aro™ way that I like guys!#I'm not gonna try to find a label for it because I don't want to label it but yeah#There's definitely a few crushes and f/os that I've headcanoned as Transfem before#But I've never romantically f/od a girl#Afksnfksnfkskd Ok yeah that's enough of Panchi rambling for tonight!#I just needed to let that out!#Thank you to anyone who listened to my Rambling about Attraction and stuff-
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I think I am now getting the wondrous experience of having a media that I enjoy that is from a different region.
#look. I wasn't even positive about buying Dr.C Fingz in the first place i just thought he looked funny.#And would be funny to stick on like a keychain or something. a tassel with some beads or whatnot.#But the few listings i found here are like 7-12 dollars and then i find one that is only like 1.50£#but understandably that UK person was not shipping to the US.#And i can kinda understand the high prices cause same thing with the mini Cars figures yknow. they are in blind bags-#-and so if you spent 12 dollars trying to get one you'll probably wanna make 12 dollars back but come onnnnnnn#blind bags are gambling sucken cost fallacy or something.#Again even if I could get the one for like 2£ i dont know if I wpuld but like. It'd be far more enticing.#No one is selling Moshi Monsters stuff here I swear.#Not that i NEED MORE merch of it. i already have the two sticker books but.#I dont know. happy whimsy. hehaha tiny little figure thing.#Shopkins would've made me broke as a kid if I was ever allowed to get any okay. This is just dooming me.#the only Strangeglove related stuff is just two cards of him and. I am not buying the expensive movie poster.#and a majority of it is. from the UK! And i am not dropping 15-20$ for any of it. i just. cant.#does this count at all. do i add his tag for this.
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not to be cringe and not to perpetuate the stereotype or anything sorry but i'm enjoying a serene sunny patch of grass on my university campus with an academic book sorryy not to look like a brochure
#grounding myself after the group project meeting#biomed eng#trying to find some positives tbh in general i hate it here rn#and i need to be working but have no energy#instead i'll get vitamin d that's something
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i hate astrology stuff too but i think this show sometimes misses that the belief systems of different planets aren't usually the problem. the governments based on belief systems are.
#TO tag#just all the... 'you guys are an advanced civilization you cant possibly believe this stuff!!!!!!1!1!' talk#it isn't about belief it is clearly a method of scapegoating and false order Because of it being a governmental tool#if it were just individuals finding meaning in it harmlessly then... the advance civ thing doesn't contradict that#it's stupid to base an entire gov system off of it without evidence but it's not stupid for individuals to find meaning in spirituality#that argument abt being advanced is meant to try getting through to those people because it's a dire situation but#it was a similar thing last episode with trying to get through to teleya#where... again! dire circumstances! and careful wording about how usually when species to go space they become less rigid#in a species-centric religion but instead the krill went into it harder#and that was moreover about the xenophobia issues than religion#i don't think the show has so far dismissed the importance of belief outright#BUT it keeps going right up to the edge and even as someone who isn't religious i am gritting my teeth waiting for#some church of the flying spaghetti monster reddit atheist bro takes#and i just really hope it keeps giving plausible deniability of being on the other side of that#anyway maybe none of this matters bc the belief systems in question are methods of categorization and superiority and hierarchy#based on things that cannot be helped like species or birthdate and that's unfair and clearly results in fucked up stuff#and can very much be harmful on that individual level too#i just wonder if this show has ever done belief systems in a positive light in conjunction with showing how they can be harmful#anyway. something about ed playign god here with the star thing. i dont have the braincells to think more on this.
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[just venting a bit into the void you understand you understand 😌] Lately I've been feeling very caught between "I have a lot of thoughts on Sparrow and Normal and all that with the ending and teen talk and feel like I need to get them out and voice them for my own piece of mind and resolution" and "I am lacking the strength and energy to actually sit down and write it all out and kind of really just want to fully move on to other things (AUs, fics, anything else)" but my brain can't seem to commit to either and that's quite frustrating cause it's just left me very restless. *Sigh*. Idk! Just needed to complain about that a bit ig, it's silly but this is what has been ailing me as of late.
#Then there's also a part of me that's like “does anyone even care at this point? haven't I already talked about them too much?”#but I have seen many a take that irk me...#and perhaps at the center of it all nagging at me is that persistent conflation of love and pride#Less about that in Normal's mind so much as in Will's and the fandom's 🤔#Also that reoccurring issue of the fandom going ''Normal thinks this therefore it is The Truth'' though I believe I've discussed this befor#And... Hooks Will could have grabbed onto but didn't... Quite a few of those...#And the double standard/negativity bias in fandom of ignoring that Sparrow says both that he loves and likes Normal while doodlerized#But not treating those with the same legitimacy we do the pride thing. And ignoring Sparrow's demonstrations of love and change...#And what the love wolf scene actually implies about Sparrow (as I see it) with his own explanation of the pride thing in mind#But also!!! Also on Norm's epilogue and how despite everything taken at face value (i.e. no teen talk influence) I don't actually hate it#and I think it's plenty salvageable#And gah also that like *regardless* of how things turn out with Normal and his dad-#Well I haven't listened to much of the teen talk just the directly Sparrow-relevant clips#so I don't know quite how cynical Will is or isn't about Normal's future#But like. UGH. What I'm trying to say is even if things didn't find resolution vis-a-vis his dad#(which tbh I could go either way on- it's the meta misinterpretations of Sparrow that Bother me not so much Normal's)#(Well that's complicated. Again it comes back to the love vs. pride thing gosh this is so vague of me lol)#With all the positive influences in his life (and just the fact that life is long? and therapy is a thing?) I just don't see Normal-#being Miserable for the rest of his life. Like. I mean I won't elaborate here really but damn it no he can absolutely turn out alright stil#blugh#BUT YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN THAT'S A LOT OF STUFF AND THAT'S ONLY VAGUE RAMBLINGS ABOUT *SOME* OF IT#Like I'm proud of a lot of my essay posts (which I'm hoping to eventually compile in a masterpost eventually actually) but they take a whil#And if my heart wants to do other things... Ah idk...#ANYWAYS a vent to vent a vent to vent
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I'm currently reading: Strengths Finder 2.0. I'm not far into yet, but the first pages were so.... good to read? And true? The fact that most of us spend so much time working on the things we don't excel in? At school or work, instead of spending more time on the things we are good at and becoming even better at that.
#I soooo needed to read that because it is so true in my case#i was never good at math#and what did elementary school wanted me to do?#focus so much bloody time on math#while i could have become a better artist#or any other skill i was good at#but also the other skills @ work#i cannot stand unexpected shit things#i am a very structured person#so i want to put that to good work#fuck spending more time on managing a toxic hectic work environment#i am really hoping to just try to look at things differently#find something that really suits me#and even if my next job isn't it i'll be one step closer#here are some positive vibes that i wanted to share#mistress blabbling
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