#trying to find love in this chaos of the world

[revelboo]

just popping in that AAAAAAAA

Aaaaah! Mine’s still overseas, but look at him!

Clumsy Heart Pt 5

Soundwave x Reader, Shockwave x Reader

• Venting tiredly as he lifts you out of Shockwave’s trembling hand, then pins that hand down with his free hand when Shockwave tries to reach for you again. Your pain and fear are almost a physical assault on him, twining with the chaos he’s picking up from Shockwave and his own grief, it’s nearly crippling. Strips him down to his spark, laying him bare. Terrified eyes. Shockwave’s confusion. His own loss. Gently cradling you to his chassis, he feels when Shockwave leans slightly, bumping his shoulder. “Stop. Silent. Calm,” Soundwave growls to you, Shockwave, and himself. “Safe.” Because he’s drowning.

• Eyes watering as you gingerly touch your shoulder and nearly cry out, fingers tingling, that low voice sinks into you. You’re almost certain the creepy one dislocated your shoulder when he’d grabbed you. Except. He’d been trying to save you from the fall, hadn’t he? Glancing at him, you find him barely moving, rocking, antenna back. Hadn’t been trying to hurt you. Though, he is the one that kidnapped you and dragged you to nightmare, giant robot world in the first place and you want to hate him. But watching him, there’s something almost broken in the way his servos flex, his one optic dimming. Something that almost makes you pity him.

• Angry at you, at himself. Everything. That’s all he has left. Logical, careful plotted courses of action and crippling anger. Watching you touch your shoulder and cringe away, his head tips. Realizing he’d broken you trying to save you. And Soundwave is pinning his hand flat as the communications officer shudders slightly, venting roughly. It’s Soundwave’s hand on his wrist, keeping it flat on the desk. Knows Soundwave. But the face that floats up in his memories isn’t Soundwave, it’s a smiling stranger and something that can’t possibly be fear shivers through him.

• Times like these, it hurts to remember who Shockwave had been. To remember and see what’s left after the Senate’s machinations. Every bit as intelligent and innovative as he’d been before, but without compassion or mercy to curb his drive or his obsessions. “Let me see,” Soundwave murmurs, carefully releasing Shockwave and waiting to make sure he’s not going to grab for you. Turning his attention to you when Shockwave’s only reaction is to flick his antenna slightly. “I know,” he croons at you, watching your eyelids droop slightly. Responding to the low hum like a cassette. Relaxing as that tone strips away the fear to leave you complacent.

• “Don’t,” Shockwave growls, rocking back some. Saying what you want to say but can’t and that lulling sound falters. Because as lovely as the way it feels when it spills into you and seems to whisper that all is well feels, it’s a lie. A trap. Looking up at that one red optic, you shiver and touch your shoulder again. “I’ll retrieve the scanner.” Turning away, Shockwave moves with more certainty than you’ve seen so far. With purpose. And he’d stopped the other one from doing whatever he was doing. Hypnotizing you? Wanting to ask to go home, but as Soundwave runs a servo over your jaw, the words fail you to leave only exhaustion.

Previous

[deramin2]

This! All this!

First and foremost, Critical Role is A GAME!

The point of games is to find out what happens when you do things. Critical Role in particular have been playing in the same world on one big ongoing timeline explicitly so they can find out what the consequences of their actions are. Especially the negative ones like guns becoming increasingly common. They could not possibly be more explicit that they deliberately fuck around to find out. While introducing the campaign, Marisha directly said to expect the unexpected.

If they play it safe and go home they are turning down the opportunity to see all the lore and character development Matt has put into Predathos. "Sorry man, we know you poured countless sleepless nights into creating this stuff just for us to play with as a bespoke act of love, but we've suddenly all decided we're scared of the consequences for the first time in literally thousands of hours. Yeah, you keep saying that the whatever happens the world will be irrevocably changed and in some way shape or form this age of the world is ending. But we've decided we're all scared of having agency in that so you should do it all for us and center only yourself as the one true story teller. We think an audience who has stuck by us because they enjoy our chaos and bold moves would really rather see us play it safe. A handful of users on social media who have made our real lives hellish at times said so. They're much more trustworthy than our internal statistics and deserve to be catered to more than our own artistic sensibilities. I'm sure you understand. We got you a complementary dumpster to put all your hard work into."

If the story isn't hitting right for you then that's your own taste to take care of and honor. But if you want a predictable YA genre expectation ending where everything comes together to preserve the world exactly as it was, then this show was just not made with you in mind as the audience. And watching people play GAMES (IT'S A GAME!!) is probably just not something you enjoy. Stop trying to buy milkshakes at the avant garde black box theater and then complaining when they don't make them.

Artists are responsible for making the art that they enjoy. Saying the things that call to them. Working with the forms that move them. They're not at all responsible to The Audience™ as mindless content machines spitting out only what they're told to. Critical Role could not be clearer that they feel at their best pressing the big red button just to see what happens, and moral purity (especially in a fake world) is not a factor in that.

You've spent 118 episodes wondering about what's up with the red moon and hearing conflicting versions of what Predathos is, and finally you're here at its doorstep, and you're NOT going to go in and find out for yourself what the truth of it is?

I am the least risk tolerant player of D&D in existence and that still couldn't be me. I'd want to see it for my own eyes and make my own choice, an actually informed choice in the only way that is possible to be informed in this situation. Especially with Matt reminding them SO many times that stories are written by the winners, continually sowing doubt in what they have managed to learn about Predathos.

Just leave? You want the D&D party to walk away from adventure? The thing they exist to experience? What an anticlimatic and disappointing end to the story that would be, and that's assuming Matt would even let that happen. That there isn't someone (like Ludinus) out there to trigger it anyway.

No, let the protagonists of the story deal with the overarching threat of the story, as they were always meant to, and let's see what happens.

[astroyongie]

How does it feel to be loved by ateez???

How Does It Feels To Be Loved by Ateez

Hongjoong

His love feels like a tether to something beyond, a pull toward redemption and the promise of ascension. His love feels like watching you rise under a strange passion, weighted with the same longing you feel to be free, to transcend, to leave behind the chains of this world. you want the same things, yet Hongjoong's love gives you the contrary of what you this you want. His love makes you yearn to vanish, to dissolve into the ether where neither of you can hold or hurt the other. His love takes what it needs, leaving only the echo of your shared desire, a fleeting mark in the void you both crave to escape.

Seonghwa

His love feels like a quiet, unspoken guardianship, a tenderness born in the shadows. his love raises you in the dark, shielding you as best he could, even as you caught glimpses of his light breaking through. you see his potential love how it carries despite the weight of the world. your heart would ached as you try to hold back the darkness his love somehow provides, to protect yourself from it, even when you know he couldn’t shield you forever. hist love alone might not be enough to save you.

Mingi

His love feels like finding shelter in the shadows, a home carved out of the darkness he carries. He would see you most clearly when you are alone, your raw edges unguarded, and you know every step that led you here. Mingi's love is the sharp intake of breath, the ache of wanting to know him deeper, to understand the parts he hides. If he chooses to give, you would be able to take all he has, all his darkest impulses, all his fears and desires. you would hold them close, not to fix them, but to feel the weight of his truth. If he gives you love, let it be the surrender of himself, let him give in again.

Yunho

His love feels timeless, a thread woven through past lives and future dreams, binding you across the ages. Yunho's love speaks as if he knew you before, as if your future was etched into the contours of his fantasy. In his voice is an invitation, a plea to dance in the dark, where shadows become sanctuaries of love. He offers a blacklit paradise, a world glowing with forbidden beauty, where every step with him feels like passion, and every moment is a promise of etern love wrapped in night. Yunho's love is mysterious and deep.

San

His love feels like a mirror, a distortion of who you are to fit the shape of his desires and it can be quite scary. he sees in you the reflection he craves, someone to echo his pain, his deception, someone to shoulder the burden he won’t carry. His love is to set you free by taking pieces of you, carving out what he needs until there’s nothing left. His love is fleeting, a thief in the night, leaving behind the hollow ache of his absence. he knows what he wants, and you give it to him, even knowing he’ll take it all and leave you behind.

Wooyoung

His love feels like standing at the edge of chaos, where wrath and desire collide in a storm of love. In the heat of it, there’s no boundary between passion and destruction for wooyoung, no line left uncrossed. The thought of his love burns, sharp as a hollow point against fragile skin, each word a promise to unravel everything. His love is capable of pain at the core of pleasure. His love is violent, raw, and unrelenting, leaving nothing but ashes and the haunting pull to dive back in.

Yeosang

His love feels like unraveling the universe thread by thread. you would crave him, not just in touches, but in the depths of his essence, you would want to taste him better, to know him in ways no one else can. his devotion sharpens into lust, a silent warning that his love faces you even when he dares to harm you. Even in the quiet, he would reach for the proof of you, aching to feel your presence in the vast expanse of everything. you would want to know he’s out there, burning as fiercely as you burn for him.

Jungho

His love feels like a garden untamed, a sacred space where beauty and wildness intertwine. His love is the silence on distant, a calm that follows storms. but his love also glitters with danger and allure, and you would yearn for the bite, even just once to feel the sharp edge of his love. he would offer himself willingly, a gift laid at your feet, a sacrifice in your name, knowing the cost. He has a taste for this, for the fragility of devotion, and you need to be ready to be consumed by him, piece by piece.

[chrystal-ink]

Shadow X GN Reader

Intertwined

Based off of one of my favorite Dodie songs Shadow has a nightmare and you comfort him back to sleep lot of hurt/comfort with lots of sweet cuddles.

-Enjoy

It was his thrashing that woke you up. with the sheer amount of trauma it was never a bother to you, his nightmares. you were used to them at this point it. Still seeing the love of your life suffer at the chaos in his own mind made your heart break just as much as the first time you saw it.

you learned to proceed with caution, waking him up prematurely could cause him further confusion which would only make the situation worse. sometimes as much as your hand pressed against his back was enough to calm him down no waking up necessary. unfortunately, tonight was not one of those nights.

Shadow bolted upright out of bed letting out a cry of agony his eyes shot open as tears began to stream soaking his face and dripping onto the bedsheets below.

"Hey, hey, hey, I'm here it's okay." you leaped into action speaking gently as you made your way into his line of vision. "Take a deep breath it was just a dream. you're safe, I promise."

Shadow obeyed as you gently cupped his face wiping the tears from his eyes. He was shaking whatever he was dreaming about really must have messed with his head.

you wrapped your arms around him attempting to steady him. he buried his face in the crook of your neck wrapping his arms tightly around you, as if you were to disappear if he let go.

You waited for him to speak. It always took him a moment to collect his thoughts after a particularly bad nightmare.

"Are you sure you're safe with me?" He finally broke the silence.

"What? Of course I am, What makes you think that?"

"I know that people want me for my power, they can't hurt me, they know that, but what's keeping them from hurting you? Eggman he took you, tortured you, and let you die in front of me. all while I was powerless to stop him."

"That's not going to happen Shadow."

"How do you know?"

"Because, You won't let it, and neither will I, you trained me to protect myself remember?"

"yah but-"

"There will always be a but my love. Being with you, being with anyone really, there is always some sort of risk. I chose you and will continue to choose you despite those risks. Not because I don't care about them, but because every second you're in my life it makes all of those risks worth it. Feel this." You placed his hand on your chest so he could feel your pulse. "I'm still here, see? and you're here with me, which means no matter what even if an enemy crashes through that door right now I am still safe because were together."

"I still worry about you."

"I know, and I'm grateful just relax and lay with me for now, tell me everything I want to hear it you don't have to go through it alone.

You laid down, Shadow following suit placing his head on your chest so he could hear your heart beat, the rhythmic thumping calming him as he wrapped himself around you.

'Skin. Heat. Hair in your mouth, feet touching feet. you and I, safe from the world, though the world will try.'

you stroked the top of his head feeling him melt into you as your hand moved along his silky quills.

"You know you're the only one who can do that right?" He commented

You giggled "Yah, I Know"

You felt him smile against you.

'Numb, Fine, You create the rarity of my genuine smile. So breathe, breathe with me.'

Shadow began telling you about his nightmare, all the horrible details of an event that would never come to pass. He told you about the anxiety he felt when he couldn't find you. how he hated himself for letting you get hurt even though it was just a dream. he didn't want his mind to go there it just did on it's own.

'Can you drink all my thoughts cause I can't stand them'

Shadow wrapped himself around you further, as if he were trying to merge your bodies together, so you would never have to be apart again.

"I would never forgive myself if anything happened to you on my watch, I can't lose you, not in the way I lost everyone else."

"I know dear, that's why I won't let it happen."

'Intertwined. Free. I've pinned each and every hope on you, i hope that you don't bleed with me.'

the more shadow talked the more at ease you felt him become, his grip loosened on you as his muscles relaxed, his head grew heavy against you easing you into a relaxed state as well.

When he was done you thanked him for telling you everything, you reassured him that everything would be fine, as long as the two of you worked as a team which seemed to comfort him.

'I'm afraid of the things in my brain. but we can stay here and laugh away the fear'

you hummed mindlessly as you stroked Shadows head lulling him to sleep, you followed suit not long after. The rest of the night was silent as the two of you slept in each other's arms, fighting off whatever nightmares came your lover's way.

[throatgoat4u]

rich popular bully!chris head cannons...

personality/traits

rich popular bully!chris who... is dismissive of "common" people. he rarely acknowledges people outside his social class, considering them beneath his time. subtly mocks those with "lesser" tastes.

rich popular bully!chris who... is the master of casual cruelty. delivers dry, cutting remarks with effortless sarcasm, leaving others wondering if they should be offended or impressed.

rich popular bully!chris who... has a a self-centered worldview. believes the universe revolves around him and expects to be the center of attention at all times.

rich popular bully!chris who... is unbothered, but always making waves. rarely loses composure but thrives on maintaining a "cool" facade while needing constant admiration.

rich popular bully!chris who... is possessive of his image. obsessed with maintaining his reputation and quick to dismiss those who threaten it.

rich popular bully!chris who... views everything is a game or bet. sees life as a series of wagers to assert dominance or prove superiority.

rich popular bully!chris who... feels entitled to the best. expects vip treatment and becomes demanding if not accommodated.

rich popular bully!chris who... is hyper-competitive. he is obsessed with being the best, even if he pretends not to care outwardly.

rich popular bully!chris who... loves creating drama for attention. instigates drama for the thrill of watching the chaos around him.

rich popular bully!chris who... is ruthless when it comes to business. makes cold, calculating decisions to further his family’s business.

rich popular bully!chris who... is a strategic thinker. always two steps ahead, he thrives on outmaneuvering others, whether it’s in a social setting or a competitive game.

rich popular bully!chris who... is charming when it counts. he can turn on the charm effortlessly, especially when he needs something or wants to manipulate a situation.

rich popular bully!chris who... is emotionally detached. he keeps his feelings tightly guarded, putting up a cold and indifferent facade even when he’s hurting.

rich popular bully!chris who... is a master of control. he thrives on controlling outcomes and situations, finding satisfaction in knowing he holds all the cards.

rich popular bully!chris who... is low-key romantic. despite his cold exterior, he has a deeply hidden romantic streak he would never admit to.

rich popular bully!chris who... is a cold-hearted negotiator. can turn ice-cold in discussions, always ensuring he gets the upper hand.

rich popular bully!chris who... thrives on chaos. finds a strange satisfaction in watching things fall apart, as long as he’s not directly involved.

rich popular bully!chris who... brutally honest (when it suits him). he’ll call people out in ways that sting but are undeniably true.

rich popular bully!chris who... curiously observant. notices the smallest details about people—what they wear, their tics, or what they try to hide—and uses it to his advantage.

rich popular bully!chris who... cynical realist. believes most people are motivated by self-interest, which shapes how he views the world.

rich popular bully!chris who... quick to cut people off. he has no problem dropping someone from his life if they no longer serve his purpose.

rich popular bully!chris who... unspoken protector. secretly looks out for people he cares about, but always from the shadows.

background/interests

rich popular bully!chris who... is excessively brand-conscious. only wears high-end designers like balenciaga and givenchy, frequently name-dropping them.

rich popular bully!chris who... has a social media overload. makes his instagram to show his luxury lifestyle—private jets, exclusive resorts, and bespoke outfits.

rich popular bully!chris who... has no interest in anything normal or “boring”. sees hobbies like reading or old films as beneath him; prefers luxury experiences.

rich popular bully!chris who... is constantly evolving "personal brand". reinvents his image frequently to maintain relevance, shifting between the bad boy and young mogul.

rich popular bully!chris who... seeks validation from people of a higher status. obsessed with gaining approval from influential people (especially his parents), dismissing praise from others.

rich popular bully!chris who... is a fan of high-stakes games. he loves poker, blackjack, or any game that involves big risks and even bigger rewards.

rich popular bully!chris who... is an avid watch collector. he has an impressive collection of rare and vintage luxury watches.

rich popular bully!chris who... knows multiple languages. learned several languages growing up due to his jet-setting lifestyle, giving him an edge in international circles.

rich popular bully!chris who... is collector of rare books. has a private library filled with first editions, rare manuscripts, and expensive leather-bound volumes.

rich popular bully!chris who... is a skilled equestrian. grew up riding horses at his family’s estate, competing in private events when he felt like it (though he doesn't compete anymore).

rich popular bully!chris who... is a secret foodie. despite his refined image, he loves street food and local cuisines when traveling, though he keeps it low-key.

rich popular bully!chris who... is an avid photographer. owns high-end cameras and captures stunning landscapes or candid moments, but rarely shares them. he also loves secretly taking pictures of poor!reader that will end up on his secret shrine he has of her.

habits/quirks

rich popular bully!chris who... ghosts people who aren’t useful anymore. disappears without explanation once someone no longer serves a purpose.

rich popular bully!chris who... is the king of "nonchalant" name-dropping. casually mentions connections with celebrities and elites.

rich popular bully!chris who... collects experiences rather than relationships. values luxury experiences over genuine human connections.

rich popular bully!chris who... thinks everything is about access, not experience. brags about exclusive places and people rather than the actual experiences.

rich popular bully!chris who... has a signature fragrance. he always smells incredible, thanks to a rare cologne that’s become his unspoken signature.

rich popular bully!chris who... has a compulsively polished appearance. never a hair out of place; he’ll even adjust his tie in reflective surfaces when he thinks no one is looking.

rich popular bully!chris who... is a hoarder of secrets. he knows everyone’s secrets and keeps them tucked away for potential leverage.

rich popular bully!chris who... is obsessed with exclusivity. if something isn’t rare, custom-made, or hard to access, he’s not interested.

rich popular bully!chris who... keeps a hidden journal. writes down strategies, future plans, or even his private thoughts in a digital journal.

rich popular bully!chris who... loves late-night escapades. he often sneaks out at night for private adventures or to clear his head and smoke a joint.

rich popular bully!chris who... spins a pen when thinking. constantly twirls a sleek montblanc pen between his fingers when concentrating.

rich popular bully!chris who... has selective memory. pretends to forget minor details about people or events unless they’re crucial to him.

rich popular bully!chris who... is obsessive about cleanliness. hates getting dirty or disorganized, keeping his surroundings immaculate.

rich popular bully!chris who... plays mind games for fun. subtly tests people’s reactions with offhand comments or remarks.

rich popular bully!chris who... has a gaze that lingers. has a habit of letting his eyes linger just a bit too long, especially when he knows it will fluster someone.

relationships

rich popular bully!chris who... surrounds himself with "yes-men". keeps a close circle of people who constantly affirm his worldview.

rich popular bully!chris who... critiques the "normal" for fun. mocks the lifestyles of ordinary people for amusement.

rich popular bully!chris who... loves to watch people struggle (from a distance). finds smug satisfaction in others’ hardships, occasionally offering help to emphasize his superiority.

rich popular bully!chris who... has no real friends, just allies. keeps an exclusive circle of people who elevate his status, discarding those who no longer fit. with the exception of nick, matt, and nate, of course.

rich popular bully!chris who... has a complicated relationship with parents. while he loves and respects them, their constant expectations create an underlying tension.

rich popular bully!chris who...has three secret confidants – nick, matt, and nate are the only people he secretly shares his true self with.

rich popular bully!chris who... can’t stand sycophants. despite his arrogance, he dislikes people who fawn over him and values authenticity (though he’d never admit it). sort of ironic from him.

rich popular bully!chris who... has an unspoken respect for poor!reader. he begrudgingly respects her because she's who’s proven their worth, though he’d never say it out loud (she also has a really big ass).

rich popular bully!chris who... has tension with a rival. a long-standing rivalry with another rich kid who mirrors his personality but competes for dominance.

rich popular bully!chris who... guards his inner circle fiercely. will go to extreme lengths to protect the few people he trusts.

random s

rich popular bully!chris who... has a pristine wardrobe. closet meticulously organized by color and occasion.

rich popular bully!chris who... is always wearing a statement ring. he never takes off a sleek, custom-designed ring that his grandma got for him.

rich popular bully!chris who... loves sunsets from rooftops. one of the rare moments he allows himself to unwind is watching sunsets from the roof of his parents' estate.

rich popular bully!chris who... is obsessed with shoes. owns an extensive collection of luxury sneakers and designer shoes, each impeccably maintained.

rich popular bully!chris who... plays the piano. an unexpected skill he learned as a child, though he keeps it private unless it’s to show off.

rich popular bully!chris who... perfect penmanship. writes with precision, whether it’s a quick note or a detailed paper or maybe even one of his many secret letter to poor!reader where he professes his love for her.

rich popular bully!chris who... undercover good samaritan. secretly funds school initiatives or scholarships, but always anonymously. however, most of the time he donates to animal shelters.

a/n: i hope you guys liked these head cannons for rich popular!bully chris. i'm actually not sure if they are all head cannons but it;s okay. let me know if you guys want an sfw and nsfw version!

a big big big special thank you to @bernardsbendystraws for these custom dividers! MWAH!

taglist: @ariastur9z. @nateismybf. @glitterybtch. @sonderrrtr. @mattquette. @starzinasblog. @chrissturnioloslvt. @ferfyna. @impossiblecollectorcat

taglist is composed of people who interacted with my poll since that is what i said to do if you want to be on the taglist. if you don't want to be on it, just let me know. anyone who isn't on the taglist and wants to be on it, also let me know. this taglist will go for any and all poor!reader x rich popular bully!chris content.

also everything for this au will be linked in my master list

poor!reader head cannons here!

toodles sluts :)

[kari-go]

Surprise Chloleka essay, hya! XD

Seriously though I was musing on one of the things I find most fun about writing Chloleka even compared to some of my other favored ships like Chlogami and Chlonette and hit on what makes it extra fun and a lil spicy.

See, the thing with Chloe dating Kagami or even Marinette is both these options 'fit' with Chloe's preconception of herself and the world she lives in fairly well.

Kagami is rich, chivalrous and they are a match for one another's sheer force of will, its just clashing personalities and possibly bigotry that could lead to issues.

Marinette is a bit more of a leap, if one ignores the rivalry, her parents are well connected, respected, & comfortably well off & Marinette is breaking into the fashion industry which Chloe is tied to via Audrey.

These all FIT very easily.

Juleka though?

Juleka is very, very different from what Chloe is used to but the fun thing with Chloe is once she decides someone is exceptional she doesn't try to make them fit a mold but embraces their "unique brand" of exceptional. Its why she doesn't think everyone should dress like Audrey, or why she thinks its fine for Adrien to make friends with the lower classes of their school. They all have their own brands to fullfill.

This means if she decides Juleka is exceptional for some reason, and more tot he point exceptional enough to date. Then Chloe's not going to try and adjust Juleka's behavior, instead her brain will leapfrong to explanations for how X, Z, and Y are all exceptional due to being tied to Juleka and not even realize she's doing it.

This kind of rapid fire double think is how she could engage with her mother & Ladybug and circumnavigate their rejections and dislike.

Juleka lives on a houseboat? How fitting that an iconic woman like her makes her home on one of Paris's most iconic locales like the Sean!

Juleka's aesthetic style is a mix of neon-cyber and gothic punk? Exceptional, that has so many words and is such a stark style, no one can match her!

Juleka likes morbid and scary stuff? Nothing scares Chloe's amazingly bold future girlfriends, not even monsters! & morbid? I think you mean romantically zealous and hauntingly intimate!

The mental leaps are fun & seeing Chloe's spin is entertaining, but it also makes clear there's an interesting set of contrasts, vibes & aesthetics going on which makes them fun to play off one another.

At least that's part of what I lean into when writing them, the other side being that both are more than a little unhinged, Juleka by default. "Let's just kidnap her" & "Coool" being her default suggestions to a problem and response to a monster attacking her. While Chloe can easily work herself up derailing a fucking train for love. Combine the two and you have two very intense people with zero or easily broken restraints becoming enamored with one another and all the glorious chaos and passion that can bring~

ooooo!! you are so right!

I never thought about it honestly. I think for me it was kind of just "ooh what an odd combination" and "purple and yellow <3" and it went from there xd. I guess it could also be the contrast? Like Chloe who's honestly very loud and demanding combined with Juleka who's quiet and struggles to defend herself.. hmm

awesome analysis! :D

[sassyprettyboy]

I’ve got you i promise . •S.reid

Fem!BAUreader ! Spencer Reid

In which you suffer from an panic attack and is having a bad day in all she wants is Spencer Reid …

Paring : Fem!BAUreader ! Spencer Reid

Content : fluff comfort angst

Content warning : reader suffers from panic attack in Spencer comforts her in just had my first panic attack I’m ok tho Dr said I’ll be okay I never had that happen before it was little scary for me

Word count : 935

Author notes to sum this up if I was reading this instead of writing this making me the reader in not the writer just to let you know I’m only 4’9 that’s how tall I am and Spencer would have to really bind down to reach to give me a hug how sad is that - okay but that was random sorry.

You sat at your desk, palms sweating and your heart racing in a tempo that felt out of sync with the world around you. The report in front of you had become an unrecognizable blur, each word slipping through your fingers like sand. Anxiety had a way of sneaking in when you least expected it, and today felt particularly suffocating. Thoughts raced through your mind like a roller coaster ride, twisting and turning with no means of escape.

With every shallow breath, it felt as if a vice gripped your chest, squeezing tighter and tighter, leaving you struggling to find the air your body craved. You rubbed your temples, trying to quell the rising tide of panic as the chaos made it almost impossible to concentrate.

Just then, you heard a soft voice approach. "Hey, you okay?" JJ's concerned tone pulled you away from your spiraling thoughts. She stood nearby, her brow furrowed as she surveyed you.

You shifted in your seat, automatically replying, "I’m fine, JJ," though the tremor in your voice gave you away.

"Are you sure? You don’t look so good," she pressed gently, concern etched across her face.

You wanted to brush it off, to reassure her and yourself, but another wave of panic crashed over you, and you felt yourself drawn toward the one person who always managed to ground you. "Wait, JJ!" you called out, your voice cracking slightly. She paused and turned around, instantly understanding something was off.

"What is it?"

"I... I think I just need Spencer," you admitted, vulnerability leaking through the cracks of your composure.

A gentle smile crossed JJ’s face as she nodded. “Alright. I’ll go get him.” With that, she left, and you were left to battle with your swirling thoughts alone. Moments passed like hours, the panic gripping your chest tighter with each heartbeat. You looked around the office, the familiar scents of coffee and worn-out files doing little to calm the storm inside you.

Just as you felt on the verge of being completely overwhelmed, the door creaked open. Spencer stepped inside, concern immediately evident in the way his brow knitted together as he took in your disheveled state.

Spencer observed the room and gazed back at you for leaning his perfect eyes on you , he noticed the panic in your eyes ,

“Hey JJ said you needed me ? , “you okay he asked ?

I don’t know you say, “I… I don’t know what’s happening,” you confessed, voice barely a whisper. “Everything feels so much right now, and I can’t…”

Before you could finish, he was standing by your side, meeting your gaze, his eyes warm with understanding.

“Hey, it’s okay. Just breathe with me.” He demonstrated, his breath slow and measured, and you tried to follow suit, inhaling deeply and exhaling slowly.

As you worked together to calm your racing heart,

He asked you if you knew the % of adults that have panic attacks? 

“Umm No you say softly looking up at him .

It’s about 19% of adults who have them you learn something new everyday with me huh , you both chuckle there’s that laugh I love so much he says .

“You nodded, absorbing the information. “And how many of them… only wanted you, Spence?” you asked softly, the vulnerability in your tone reaching out for him.

His eyes widened slightly at your question, and he paused before responding,

“Umm, “That’s hard to say, but I think you’d be surprised at how many people seek comfort in what feels familiar and safe.”

“I think I just wanted you,” you admitted, I feel safe with you Spence in I just needed you as the words came out tears rolled down your face , I don’t think you understand how much I needed you Spence .

Spencer’s expression softened further, and whipped your tears away , he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into a gentle embrace. “I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere,” he reassured, his warmth anchoring you amidst the chaos in your mind. “Just focus on that. I’ve got you , I promise I’m not leaving you .

The panic eased slightly, and for the first time in what felt like an eternity, you could start to breathe again .

Divider by @fairytopea

Tags

@hoe4hotchner

@catssluvr

@lover-of-books-and-tea

Ps. I fold to this

[mxabankzz5]

American Dream

paring: wolverine!logan howlett x f!mutant!reader

summary: Y/n, a high level mutant and vital member of the Avengers is left bewildered when another Wade Wilson, from outside her timeline, pleads for her help in his mission to save his dying world. Even more shocked when the merc reveals their other crucial ally to be a man she thought to have left in her past.

warnings: 16+, Fem!Reader, AFAB Reader, Use of Y/N, Her Avenger name is American Dream (Inspired by the comic hero), She/her pronouns, Swearing(lots), Angst, Heavy Violence, Deadpool (he's his own warning), Fluff, Possible Smut, Slow Burn, TVA

Masterlist

Logan is not fucking dead.

Sure his ‘death’ scene in Logan made for a perfect ending to a very very sad story. But that’s not how regenerative healing factors work.

You think I wanna be here in downtown North Dakota digging up the one and only Wolverine? No thank you. But the fate of my entire world is at stake.

He might not be living his best life right now but be sure as hell ain’t-

I gasped and squealed in excitement as my shovel hit something hard.

Dead.

Moving the rumble around I noticed something shiny like metal. Adamantium. It was his goddamn skeleton.

“Yes..yes of course…” I sighed before grabbing my shovel and yelling out in anger. Smashing the wooden makeshift X that marked his grave.

“FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!” Snapping the shovel in half over my knee.

“YOU SON OF A BITCH! MOTHERFUCKER UGHHH MY WORLD IS FUCKED!”

“Look, I’m not a man in science but you seem really passed away right now…but it’s good to see ya. I’ve gotta be honest, I’ve always wanted to ride with ya Log. Can you imagine the fun, the chaos?” I sighed once more, moving my hand from his metal kneecap to his jaw.

“Gday mate, nothing that’ll bring me back to life faster than a big bag of Marvel cash.” I impersonated, laying the Australian accent on thick.

“Hoo Hoo! Me too Hugh…hah but no no no no. You had be all noble and die forreal. GODAMMIT! I could really use your help right now.” I leaned forward rubbing my head in dismay before hearing the lovely sound of TVA soldiers behind me.

“Wade Wilson. You are under arrest by the Time Variance Authority for-”

“Ugh death by day player..”

“Drop you weapons and come out peacefully!”

“I’m not gonna give you my weapons..but I promise not to use them!” I groaned before repositioning myself to look up.

“There are 206 bones in the human body, 207 if I’m watching Gossip Girl. Ugh let’s go, maximum effort.” I high-fived Logan before grabbing him and leaping out from behind the snowy logs.

“Okay peanut, looks like we’re getting that team up after all.”

After unfortunately having to slaughter the army Paradox obviously sent after me, I decided to start my plan b mission.

Find Y/n Y/L/N. The reason why all of this started in the first place.

You see, Y/n and Logan are special, so special that apparently them dying means my whole timeline has to fucking end.

So Y/n decided that instead of letting a few hundred thousand people perish, she sacrificed her self by riding one of Iron Man’s nukes into space to save New York from some huge alien army trying to take over the word.

I know right? Stupidest fucking thing I ever heard.

Now this obviously took a toll on wolvy here, they were sort of..a thing?

By “thing” I mean married for 12 and a half years but who the hell is counting? It’s not like anyone knew anyway, the X-men and Avengers didn’t exactly get along publicly. Once the “cure” for the mutant gene got released, things got a little political between the two bands of heros.

But I digress! That’s another story for another chapter.

I pulled out the fancy remote I snagged from one of the soldiers and scrolled through.

Earth 10005- current timeline

Earth 58126

Earth 616- select timeline

“This one looks promising.” I clicked the button to select it and a large orange door appeared before me.

I stepped through it into a bar. I didn’t see Y/n anywhere but I did happen to recognize a familiar pair of hair tufts. Perfect!

“Logan! I’m gonna need you to come with me.”

He slowly turned to face me. “Who’s asking?” He slipped off the bar stool to reveal…a midget?

I gasped. “Well who’s this little ankle bitter. Did you stick the landing little guy? Yes you did, comic accurate short king!” I cooed, leaning down to his eye level.

He frowned, looking behind me. Suddenly a hand grabbed my shoulder and turned me around with a shocking about of strength.

There stood Y/n, surprisingly standing eye to eye with me.

“Holy fuck.. you are all legs!”

“Are we gonna have a problem?”

“Oh no ma’am! Wouldn’t dream of it. But we might if you and little Logan here don’t come with me back to my timeline.”

She frowned before crossing her arms over her chest.

“You were just leaving”

“Uh no..I don’t think so because-”

She suddenly sent a powerful jab to my stomach, sending me flying across the bar.

Goddamn that super serum does wonders doesn’t it?

“Que the fucking montage.”

And that’s how Wade got here, on earth 982.

After getting his ass beat by multiple variations of You and Logan he finally decided to enter this timeline.

Walking through the orange door he stepped into what looked like an office room. It was big and sleek but what really caught his eye was the large shield hanging on the wall like a painting.

It looked like Captain America’s shield but a bit smaller. It was in a glass display case which he assumed was bulletproof.

The gold plaque below it spelt out ‘American Dream’

But before Wade could fangirl any longer the cocking of a gun caught his attention and he quickly turned around.

You were standing behind him with a pistol to his head.

“Y/n! Wait.. oh my god are you Capt-“ Wade gawked at your outfit. It was almost Identical to Steve Rodger’s suit. From the star on your chest to the red boots that adorned your feet. Even your helmet was identical, except for an open area in the back to let your long soft curls run down your back.

“No wade, I’m not Captain America”

“Omg you know me?!” Every other Y/n didn’t bother to learn who he was before sending him flying into a wall.

“Yes wade, this is your 5th time trying to audition for the team of course I know you…”

“But wait.. if you’re not Cap then where is he? Is he alive here?? And you’re an Avenger?”

You gave him a confused look.

“What do you mean, of course he’s alive. He just talked to you yesterday he told me he rejected you...what the hell are you doing here wilson?” You reached to pick up the phone on what wade assumed was your desk, possibly calling security.

“Woah Woah calm down! I’m just shocked by the preppy, all-American sweetheart look, in every other timeline you’re always some kind of ‘anti-hero’. Ugh you and Logan really are perfect for each other.”

Wade almost didn’t catch the quick falter in your stance at the mention of the Wolverine but ignored it.

“Anyways sweetpea, I didn’t come here to audition, I came here for you.”

Your eyebrows raised in amusement.

“I’m flattered wilson but-“

“No! No! Not like that! My universe is dying, and in order to save it I need to replace at least one of the anchor beings that died in to buy it some time. If I replace both.. I can probably keep my timeline alive for good. Please, you’re the only one that can help!”

“Help how?”

Wade sighed in annoyance, gosh why all the inquiries!

“See this is where it gets a bit flakey- and please just hear me the fuck out before you flip out and punch me! *Deep inhale* You have to come back with me to my timeline, meet up with Paradox and beg him to reconsider, maybe chill out there a little bit while it slows the dying process, and then come with me to replace the other anchor being and permanently save my world.” He spews out quickly before Y/n could interfere.

He was expecting you to instantly lash out, telling him it was insane of him to ask you to abandon your timeline to go live in his with his soon to be new best friend.

But you just stood there, an almost blank look on your face. It honestly scared him, before you finally gave him a confused glare.

“Wait.. so you’re not from this timeline?”

“Uhm no.. but I would really appreciate it if-“

“And you want me to go with you to your timeline to find your other.. anchor being. What the hell is that?”

“Oh! Ugh It’s kinda this thing where if someone really really important dies then your timeline just goes to shit. Ya know I’m pretty sure if I were dead my timeline would probably be gone by now but since they needed me or whatever I decided to stick around for a bit longer.” He flipped his imaginary hair before turning back to Y/n with a hand on his hip.

“So I’m dead in your universe?”

“Bingo! And I really need you to be undead in my universe by… yesterday so chop chop!” He exclaimed, looking down at his imaginary watch before pulling out some kind of remote.

“Wait! Who’s the other anchor being?”

“Ughhhh God, all these damn questions! It’s someone you know, a very very dear friend to us. Jimmy.”

You frowned. “Who?”

“Jimmy? James? The man made of metal? Any of this ringing a bell?”

Y/n stared at him in bewilderment silently.

“Oh for christ sakes James! James Howlett! The Wolverine. Yikes Y/n you need to keep up with the lore, you’ve been around since Wolverine Orgins you should know what’s was going on girl!”

“Logan?!”

“Yes! Now let’s go find that little honey badger before he fucks around and nobly sacrifices himself again in this timeline. You do have one in this world, correct? Cause it would be soo sooo much easier if you could just call him right up for me honeybun.”

“I haven’t talked to Logan in years, I don’t even know where he is, let alone if he has a phone number I can call.”

Wade recoiled at the first sentence.

“You haven’t talked to him in years?! What do you mean, aren’t you guys married?”

Y/n’s eyes almost bulged at the question.

“Married!? Hell no! We barely even dated.”

Wade was shocked and a little dissapointed. “Oh! I just thought since in every other timeline you’re both- well nevermind. No time for stories let’s go!”

“Now hold on Wade, I don’t know if I can just leave my timeline-”

And there it was..gosh you were always so fucking responsible.

“Fine, guess I’ll have to just find Logan myself and go find another you that’ll help me.”

He tapped a button on the weirdly futuristic remote and turned away slowly, about to step through an orange door before you stopped him.

"Wait!"

The merc turned around giddy, hopeful that you would come to your senses and join him.

"What happens when I leave my timeline?

Wouldn't that fuck everything up here too?"

Wade froze, he hadn't really thought about that part. Shit!

"Uhhh well as far as I know, as long as you're not dead your world should be fine. So uhhh you should be good." He said, trying to sound as convincing as he could.

You could sense he was a bit unsure of himself but you also realized how much he needed you help.

"Y'know what, I'm in wilson."

[writingpoorly]

This could go so many fun ways!

Ramble under the cut <3

Dick with Harley? (You could also play off of Joker jr for the angst) peak chaos circus vibes (the joker has disappeared under mysterious circumstances and not even Batman can prove that Dick did anything). Maybe he could be called Jester and do a lot of exposing the upper-class in Gotham. Since Jesters are traditionally the ones that would call out the king etc.

Barbara with Ivy? Killer combo. (I've also written her as a grey hat hacker in one of my fics before, but that feels a little uninspired. Plus in my proposed scenario Joker gets killed early on so even as smart as Babs is, she wouldn't be forced into an admin position, so likely wouldn't be as likely to take one.) One of the Batman cartoons has the two of them be friends before Ivy gets mutated and I love the idea of Babs putting her mega brain toward saving the earth. Pollution would have ended. (I'm also a sucker for DickBabs and HarlIvy and the comedic potential my scenario presents? hilarious.)

Jason with Selina? (Honestly any of the kids could go to her but I like mama's boy Jay I've also seen him go to Ivy, but I don't really see that for him?) he'd be such a good thief pupil. Just scrappy street kid Jason turned international thief Stray that still goes back to the Alley to help the kids as much as he can. He'd be more cynical in this version when e finds out about his birth mom and wouldn't be as trusting so likely no Jay death.

If Tim was a rogue he'd be his own i think. Very unsocialized genius vibes (stalking as a form of affection, gets angry w bruce for any perceived unheroic behavior) Shutter or Timothy Jackson Drake totally honest business man (Chess master?)(naturally he takes over a lot of Penguin's enterprises, or perhaps others in an absolute brutal and sudden takeover). Though I do also like Riddler taking him in and them trying to outsmart each other (it's not really a contest, but Eddie gives Tim more positive attention from a parental figure than he's ever gotten in the rest of his life.) I think Myst, the creator and solver of mysteries could be a cool name for this version.

Stephanie would NOT be Cluemaster's pupil. She became Spoiler for good reason! (maybe goes to Riddler just to be petty) If she's nit a straight up vigilante, ruining the plans of the rogues, I'm not sure she'd be involved in the hero/villain dynamic at all. Maybe she shoes up on one of their doorstops and demands they train/take her in, but she just so independent I think she'd be Spoiler again. Maybe someone else can figure out how to flavor that as not a vigilante. I mean, if she's still stopping the rogues who's to say who's a vigilante and who's an anti-hero?

Cass and Damian (make me very sad) were both raised to be assassins/weapons (albeit differently) so in a universe where the kids don't become vigilantes I think they'd continue on those paths. Maybe Cass gets taken in by Lady Shiva, maybe she never escapes David Cain, maybe Cass kills her birth father (trainer, abuser) and lives the rest of her life as a shadow. In the same vein Damian has a lot of maybes surrounding him. I do think in a world where Bruce doesn't have to temper himself by caring for a kid that he wouldn't necessarily be as kind, which is crazy to think about. Maybe Talia wouldn't feel Damian would be better with his father. Maybe when she feels it's unsafe for Dami in the shadow of his Grandfather she kills her father instead of sending her son away for a (hopefully) safer life. Maybe Damian Grows up as his mother's right hand and eventual enforcer of her will before he takes over or his heir(s) take over their empire.

Duke is interesting in my proposed universe, I've killed off the Joker so Duke's parents would be fine. Maybe his powers wouldn't awaken because he's under less stress? He'd still be charismatic and a magnetic leader, though I think that gets glassed over. Capitalizing simply off of that, maybe he takes over for Sionas one day. In such a way that no one even protests the change. His organization gains a better reputation, though the shadows of it's past are just barely hidden behind Duke's magnetic light.

Jarro never breaks off of Starro :(

I don't know enough about the others to speculate, but feel free to add to this or respectfully tell me why I'm wrong. ^v^

I’m definitely an au where some of the bat kids are villains or anti heroes and raised by various rogues instead of Bruce but I need some ideas

[howlingwolf23]

Something about the lyric

"Now get into the pit and try to love someone"

has fried my brain.

Just the thought of being surrounded by violence of senses, people screaming, bright flashing lights, weird smells maybe of sweat, smoke, and alcohol and then physical violence of people pushing and shoving (maybe actual hitting depending on how hardcore)

And during all this, to find someone to love during this chaos.

Beautiful.

So every so often I have to try to draw what I would think that would look like

[dariusaurs]

i think dinostar is such an interesting ship right now even if i've kind of turned away from it after this season. the problem is that it's complicated, and fandoms historically don't like nuanced situations or takes. i don't think it's fair to say darius is putting brooklynn on a pedestal, since from his perspective, she hasn't done anything wrong, and kenji has been framed as this unfair partner to her. it does feel like his feelings are very immature and more of an infatuation right now ("if he loved you half as much.."/"unless?"), especially when you compare them to kenji's own feelings for brooklynn - his girlfriend who he's loved for 6 years - but that isn't a horrible thing, it's just different. i do completely understand if people dislike the ship right now, and even criticize darius' way of handling the accidental confession, but i just think people have been way too harsh on all three of them without being willing to see that all of their perspectives are different

[robotsafari]

“you insolent little bitch.”

-ansem, seeker of darkness (he definitely said this)

[existentialcrisis-24-7]

Godddddd it’s such a pain to be hyperfixating on your own ocs. It’s a fucking nightmare. I just want these guys to do their thing and tell people their stories but nOOooOoOooo I have to write it first! But that’s not the medium I want to tell it through so I have to learn how to make comics! Or animate! Liek anfucking idirot

[gracieheartspedro]

For Cryin’ Out Loud

pairing: post-outbreak! joel miller x afab! reader

how to help the palestinians and what it means to write for the last of us characters

word count: 7.9k

description: living with joel is complicated, especially when you can’t sleep due to nightmares. when you find yourself in his bed, you can’t help yourself. but joel sure can. give him a day to mull it over.

warnings: pretty slow burn, kinda forced proximity, kinda angsty, unspecified age gap (don’t like it, don’t read it), joel gives you tons of nicknames (darlin’, kiddo, etc.), discussions of nightmares and possible mental illnesses, some fluff, reader isn’t really described, joel is kinda a gaslighter, he’s also a bit pervy, unprotected p in v (wrap it y’all), oral (f! receiving), dirty talk, joel like worships you!!!!!, joel licks his fingers clean, giving genitalia pronouns, joel’s a big boy. think that’s it. lemme know what I missed!

author’s note: I really enjoyed writing this. the idea is pretty simple but I love domestic jackson!joel. I promise i’ll try to switch it up soon and write something that isn’t jackson!era lol. support your fav fics by reblogging and commenting!! thanks love ya <3

For some reason, you always find yourself standing at the threshold of the front door when you cannot sleep. 

The air was especially brisk tonight. You wrapped yourself in a gray chunky sweater you found in the lost and found in Jackson’s thrift store, hoping to regain some warmth. Your bed may have been comfortable, but it was the place where nightmares usually plagued you. 

It was too late to be awake, and you knew that if you were caught, you would hear it from Joel. He always reprimanded you. Every time he caught you up late, it was like your father woke up and found your hand in the cookie jar. 

The dynamic between you two had changed since arriving in Jackson, and you almost resented him for it. When it was just you, him, and Ellie, you were managing a family unit. Joel was always the protective father, you being the mom or the voice of reason, and Ellie being chaos. 

When Ellie and Joel’s relationship shifted, he took on a fatherly role for you. It bothered you. A lot. 

In a moment of contemplation, you hear footsteps coming down the steps behind you. 

He’s wearing flannel pajama pants and no shirt, his hairy tummy something you did not see often. 

“What are you doing awake?” He questions, his voice groggy with a twinge of annoyance. 

You do not feel like explaining yourself, but you knew you wouldn’t be able to get out of this situation without a justification. 

You huff, leaning your back against the door frame so you can get a full look at the broad man. “Can’t sleep. Thought staring into the darkness would help.”

He grunts, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. “How’s that workin’ for you, sweetheart?”

You could not close your eyes without the haunting dreams that seemed lively and so real. Every night, you had the same recurring ones. You were being chased, hunted, or murdered. Or all of the above. You would wake in a cold sweat, not wanting to shut your eyelids ever again. 

“Hm,” You say, staring back outside for a brief moment, “‘Was better when you weren’t looking over my shoulder.”

He chuckles, “Get back to bed.”

“I can’t, Joel.”

“You can and will. You’re no good when you’re tired.”

“If I close my eyes, Joel, I will just have the same goddamn nightmares I have every night. And I will end up doing what I’m doing now, which is trying to get some fresh air to forget them.”

“You’re not gonna forget ‘em with some fresh air. You just need to… get over them.”

The breeze picks up as soon as he says it, almost like the world knew the tension would have to be broken with some frigid air. You retort with, “And how do you get over yours?”

"I just accept them," he says, a hint of defensiveness in his tone. "I don't have time to dwell on them. There's always more important things to worry about."

"I'm more tired in the morning when I just endure them." You explain, trying not to cry about it. But you are so sick of them. The same thing every night.

“I get it. One day they will subside, I’m sure of it. But for now, you gotta-”

You just want him to shut up. At the same time, your mind is trying to remember the last time you did not have a nightmare. The memory makes your stomach churn. “You remember that one time we were forced to share that sleeping bag? Back in Pittsburgh?”

“Yeah,” His tone was wary, “What about it?”

"That was the first night I didn't have it." You explain, your voice a bit shaking at the insinuation. You don’t want to face the fact that Joel, the man that you have known for going on 10 years, kept your nightmares at bay. The same man who continuously rejected you and told you that he was old enough to be your dad. The same man that told you no, I don’t like you like that. I never will. That Joel. 

“And? Why are you bringing this up now?”

"Because every night I go to my bed and I'm forced to face them alone. When you were there... they didn't even bother holding my mind hostage.”

He took another step closer, closing some of the distance between you two. He towers over you and you can’t help but stare up at him in awe. Joel has always been a complicated part of your life. You consider him your sexual awakening, honestly, but he will never ever know that. Over the years, he’s only gotten more handsome. 

But now, he has a curious expression written all over his face.

"Are you saying you want to share a bed with me?" he asks, his voice gruff and low.

You suck in a deep breath, not wanting to answer. You knew that was stepping over a boundary for Joel. He liked his space. He didn’t like you impeding on that space, especially. Your bedroom was the furthest away from his for a reason.

"I don't know." You manage to say.

Joel's gaze darkened, his expression was completely unreadable. You wish you could read his mind, but you should be grateful you can not. 

Because in Joel’s mind, he’s trying to formulate a way to convince you to stay away from him altogether. The wall he has built over the last decade was intentional. He did not want to hurt you any further. He already knew you had feelings for him, but he was an old man. He did not want to drag you into his mess, all the baggage he carried. He looked after you, he shared a home with you, and that’s it. Strictly platonic. 

He shifted on his feet a little, unable to tear his eyes away from you. You shook like a little leaf.

"You don't know?" he repeated, his voice a low rumble.

You nod, "I don't know if I want that."

You do want that. But you want more, too. You knew you would be playing with fire. You would just be disappointed. 

Joel’s temptations are buried deep but they still fester every now and again. Some days he would catch a glance at you getting dressed in the crack of your door and have to take a cold shower. As soon as he felt those emotions bubble in his chest, he would try to distract himself. Maybe he would take a longer patrol. Maybe he would go to the Tipsy Bison and try to find a woman to take home. That one never really worked. 

“Well, what do you want then? Because standin’ at the door and letting all the cold air in ain’t gonna work for me or you.”

You look down at your picked-over fingernails and contemplate your next sentence. You don't want to be heartbroken in the morning when you wake up and he's there sleeping peacefully next to you and you're not... his.

"I want to sleep with you."

Joel was not expecting such a blunt response from you, but he appreciated you not beating around the bush about it. He gestures for you to step out of the doorway so he can shut the door, which you do. 

He looked down at you, his eyes raking over your face, taking in the exhaustion and uncertainty. 

"You sure?" he asked, his voice a gruff whisper.

You just nod as he locks the front door. You couldn’t believe you were doing this. 

Joel couldn’t believe it either. Maybe it was the tiredness or the instincts he felt to protect you, but he was not mad at the idea of sharing his bed with you. 

You signal for him to go upstairs, “You lead the way.”

-

Joel’s room was always off-limits to you. So when you step into his small little world, you take it all in. 

The artwork around the room was mainly nature landscapes. He had a big dresser right at the room's entrance with picture frames of Sarah, Ellie, and other family members. You were even included in one photo—a picture of you and him on some horses from last year. 

A shirt littered one side of the bed, so you took that as it was probably his side. Unfortunately for you, it was the right side. You felt a pang of guilt realizing you would probably end up restlessly lying in Joel’s bed if you were stuck on the left. 

Before he can pull back the blanket for himself, you stop him. 

“Uh, can I sleep on that side?”

He completely halts in his motions, turning his head towards you with a blank expression. “My side? Why?”

You lick your lips, already regretting this whole thing. 

“Because I have had this superstition since I was a kid that I could only sleep on the right side of the bed."

Joel wants to laugh, but he doesn’t. He can tell you are at war in your head about the question, your expression practically anticipating his rejection. 

"Superstitions, huh?" he said, a hint of a smirk playing on his lips."You and your weird beliefs."

You watch as he crosses to the other side of the bed and lifts the blanket. Is he actually letting you have his side? Maybe he doesn’t hate you. 

“You could also call it a compulsion, but superstitions seem more fun and less like a mental illness.”

He laughs this time, his deep chuckle making you feel a bit more relaxed about the situation. You did not feel like a burden as much. You walk to the right side and pull back his navy blue sheets and blanket. The spot looks warm and inviting so when you crawl in next to Joel, you start to realize that you’re back in the same situation you were in years ago in that sleeping bag. He was so close and warm and you wanted nothing more but for him to hold you and keep you comfortable.

But then another thing came to mind before you could imagine his arms around you. 

You usually sleep on your right side or back, but now you don't know what to do because you didn't know how Joel slept.

"Do you sleep on your side or back?"

Joel studies you as you fidget beside him, your uncertainty causing him to smirk slightly. It was almost endearing, seeing you be completely out of control of your surroundings. He remembers back when you were traveling with him you had an obsessive need to straighten up everything before you fell asleep. You had to roll yourself up in your sleeping bag the same way every night. 

"Usually on my back," he said finally. "But I can sleep on my side, too."

You swallow, trying to picture yourself sleeping. For some reason you felt the urge to have control of the situation, dictating exactly how he has to sleep, too. "Can I... I'll sleep on my side if you can sleep on your back? Is that okay?"

Joel had to suppress a smirk at your request. You knew he was trying to hold back a snarky remark. Instead, he surprises you.

"Sure, you can sleep on your side," he agreed, shifting his body weight onto his back, "’n I'll sleep on my back. No big deal."

You turn to face him, tucking the pillow further under your head. You can tell his eyes are heavy from exhaustion. You know it's time to shut up, to go to sleep, but you feel the need to say something else to him. Sometimes your brain concocts questions and statements and you know you shouldn’t say them, but your mouth betrays you.  

"When was the last time you had a girl in your bed?"

Why the fuck would you ask that? You think to yourself. It fell out of your mouth like drool.

Joel's eyes widened at your blunt question, surprise and a hint of embarrassment coloring his expression. You knew he was probably just expecting you to lay here next to him, maybe roll around a bit, then sleep. But instead, it’s an interrogation.

He took a deep breath, his mind rattling around as he tried to think of a response. He didn't want to admit what his genuine answer was to you, but he too could not help himself.

"Why do you want to know that?" he asks, his voice steely.

You hate that he even responded because now you needed to defend yourself.

"I uh, don't know. I don't know why it matters."

Joel chuckled softly, noting that you probably just had a case of word vomit. You always told him you were infamous for putting your foot in your mouth, especially in awkward situations.

"Curiosity got the better of you, huh?" he asks, rubbing his face with his hands. “You just can’t help yourself, sweetheart.”

He shifted slightly, rolling onto his side to face you, his gaze studying your expression.

You smirk, grateful that he's letting it slide. When he turns onto his side and he's at eye level with you, your face drops a bit. He is ruining the vision in your head. He’s throwing a wrench in your plans.

"You're supposed to be on your back, sir."

Joel couldn't help but chuckle softly at your comment. He knew he was supposed to be on his back, but the new angle allowed him to see you better in the faint moonlight.

"Don't worry," he said, a hint of humor in his voice. "I'll turn back over in a minute. Just... enjoying the view for a bit."

You roll your eyes, lifting your hands from under the covers and lightly hitting his arm. You knew he was just fucking with you now. 

"Okay, for that, I want to know the answer to my stupid question."

Joel let out a low laugh, the sound rumbling deep in his chest. He shook his head, amused by your persistence. You start to think about it and you have never really seen him bring anyone home. Maybe it had been a very long time and he was embarrassed. 

"Alright, alright," he said, a hint of resignation in his voice. "Last time I had a girl in my bed..."

He paused for a moment, his eyes dropping to the covers, his mind racing to find the right words.

"Go on..."

Joel took another deep breath, his voice dropping even lower as he spoke.

"It's been a long time, kiddo," he admitted, his voice pierced with a bit of shame. "Almost ten years, if I'm being honest."

Your eyes widen in surprise. "No way... You've never just... got it on with someone in bed?"

Joel's face flushed with embarrassment at your blunt question, a mix of shock and slight irritation flashing across his eyes.

"Jesus, you really don't hold back, do ya?" he muttered. He shifts a bit, trying to get comfortable in a different way. He hadn't expected the conversation to turn so personal, so quickly and he did not want to face you anymore. He was mortified. 

You mentally slap yourself in the face.

"I'm sorry, I am just tired and delusional. Uh, you don't have to answer that."

Joel could practically feel the humiliation radiating off you and he too felt the exact same way. You knew how to add to an already awkward situation.

"No, no, it's fine," he reassured you, his voice a bit gentler now. "I get it. You're tired, and your filter has taken a backseat."

"Yeah, exactly..."

He shifted on the bed, turning onto his back again, his gaze shifting to the ceiling, avoiding your curious stare.

You could not help but stare at his side profile. A prominent straight nose. His downturned lips are surrounded by some fine lines that show his age. He was a beautiful man now, but you can’t help but imagine him back in his 20s. He had to have been a hit with the ladies back then.

Joel could feel your gaze on him, studying his face. And while you were not scrutinizing him, he felt like a commodity in a museum or something.  He forced himself to keep his gaze on the ceiling, refusing to meet your eyes.

"So… ten years and no sex?”

You could seriously, not help yourself.

"Correct.” He grumbles, still not meeting your stare.

"Damn, Joel." You mutter, adjusting a bit to sit up a little more on your pillow. "I seriously thought you were sleeping around the whole time we have been in Jackson.”

He finally turns your way, a bit of offense on his face. “Why would you think that?”

You shrug, not wanting to insult him. But that’s how you formulated your grudge towards him. It was easy to just chalk everything up to problems with random women you have seen around town. 

“You just give off the energy…”

“What?”

You huff, laying back on the pillow. “I don’t know, Joel! I feel like when I’m around you all the ladies think you’re handsome. They stare.”

“They are staring because you’re always following me around and we aren’t married or… together. They think we are odd.” 

You had never heard such things around Jackson, but it does sort of make sense. Everyone was probably just confused because you two lived together but were not a couple. You can admit it is bizarre, but it just did not feel like an option any other way, in your mind. So Tommy gave you two a bigger house and you set up separate rooms. 

But in actuality, Joel secretly told Tommy that he did not want you too far from him. So when Tommy couldn’t give you any other houses nearby, Joel just told him that you two would be roommates.

“Well fuck ‘em.” You mutter, trying not to sound too offended by the thought of people gossiping about you two.

Joel just nods. You settle by tucking your arm under your pillow. You yawn, the exhaustion now taking over your body. You watch Joel grab a pair of reading glasses from the side table and a book. You decide not to bother him, especially because he probably wanted to just read himself to sleep instead of being interrogated by you any further.

You close your eyes and eventually fall asleep. The deeper you get, Joel notices how your breathing pattern changes. When he’s finally ready to get some shut-eye as well, he watches as your body crawls closer to him. Your arm swings over his stomach and rests on his forearm. He is so shocked he does not move a muscle. 

You adjust some more, not knowing what you are doing. Your leg creeps up and tucks right between his. You snuggle your face right into his chest. The only movement Joel decides to make is slinging his arm over your shoulders to pull you in tighter. 

It’s the first time in years that you two slept soundly, with no interruptions. No nightmares, no sudden intrusions, nothing. Silence and snores fill the room and that’s it.

-

When you wake up, it’s slow and gradual. Your brain hardly computes that you’re laying on top of Joel’s shirtless frame, until your hand runs across his warm tummy. 

You crook your neck up, looking at the handsome man you are spreading across. 

His lips are slightly ajar, letting out hardly-there snores. They are so pretty and pink and you cannot help but touch them with feather-like fingertips. You would feel so guilty waking him up-

His eyes slowly open taking notice of your actions even though you tried not to stir him. Your eyes fly open in shock, but he does not seem very annoyed. He smiles. 

“Mornin’ darlin’,” He says in a deep sleep-laced voice. You smile back at him, loving that he decided to call you the nickname you always got giddy over. You press your fingers into his chest before replying.

“I didn’t have a nightmare.”

His hand comes up from your shoulders and tucks some hair behind your ear as he stares down at you, “That’s good kiddo. I’m glad you slept well.”

The intimacy is almost too much. The way this is how it would be if you woke up to Joel every morning. It sends your brain into overdrive and you force yourself to ruin it a bit.

“Woulda slept even better if you didn’t talk so much in your sleep.”

Joel froze for a moment, his cheeks immediately flushing pink with embarrassment. He sits up a bit more, adjusting to the brighter lighting in his room. He knew he had a problem with talking in his sleep. Ellie used to talk about it all the time. He dreaded hearing what he was saying while curled up next to you.

"Uh... what did I say?" he asked, trying to maintain his composure.

"Something about it felt so good to be pressed up against someone, I don't know..." 

You could not help yourself and started to laugh. You knew you were going to get a rise out of him. 

Joel's face flushed an even deeper shade of pink as you started to laugh, clearly amused by your joke. He could feel his heart racing in his chest, his mind racing as he tried to come up with an excuse. He was just dreaming, it was not about you. 

"W-what?" he spluttered out instead of making an excuse. "I didn't... I didn't say anything like that."

You have a shit-eating grin on your face and you press your hands on his chest to prop yourself up. You enjoyed watching him squirm.

Joel's eyes flickered down to your hands on his chest. He sickly thought they felt so right placed there. He imagined what you would look like fully mounting him. 

He tried to keep his expression neutral, but you could see through his stone-cold exterior.

"You're messing with me, aren't you?" he grumbled, a hint of suspicion in his voice.

"Fully fuckin' with you." You giggle, hoping he is not really that mad at you. 

“You’re a brat.”

You move your foot slightly, running it up his leg. It sends shockwaves up his body, having you so close and moving around so seamlessly. 

"No, you said something about how beautiful, alluring, and incredible I am. Said I was the girl of your dreams…"

"Yeah, right," he said, a hint of playful sarcasm in his voice. "You expect me to believe that?"

"So, you don't believe me?"

"No, I don't believe you," he says, his voice stern but playful. "I think you're a dirty little liar, trying to play me for a fool."

"A dirty little liar, huh? Well, it's good to know that you don't think I'm beautiful, alluring, and incredible." You giggle at his acknowledgment, knowing he caught you red-handed.

"Oh, I never said that," he smirked, a hint of teasing in his voice. "You are all of those things, darlin’. But you're also a dirty little liar who likes to play games."

"So you think I'm beautiful?" You crack, the biggest smile painted on your face. You don’t even care that he’s calling you a liar because it does not matter. Joel thinks you are beautiful. 

“‘Course I do.”

You push yourself up onto your butt, sitting crisscross next to him. He secretly wishes you were still curled up on top of him. 

“You always this nice in the morning?” You ponder, your fingertips starting to toy with the hair on his stomach. He tries not to pay mind to it, letting you have full access to touch him. 

But it’s driving him insane. The way you look freshly woken up, completely enamored with the idea of him calling you beautiful. You have some puffiness under your eyes and your lips are more swollen than usual.

“I am always nice to you.”

You let out a scoff, “No, you’re not.”

He notices the shift in your tone and starts to get defensive, “Now you’re just lyin’.” 

Joel always loved to gaslight you in these situations. You knew better than to let him get away with it, especially now. “No there was that one time you told me you did not like me and that you would never like me. How you are old enough to be my dad-”

“Because I am!”

And there’s the wall. The only constant in you two’s relationship. He was so good at throwing it up when feelings were being expressed. When vulnerability was presented, Joel could not help but reject it. 

“And the world’s fuckin’ ended, Joel! Big deal!” You almost yell, moving your hands from him. 

Why does he already miss your hands?

He huffs, crossing his arms over his soft chest. “We have had this conversation for the last 10 years.’M not sure why we keep rehashing it.”

“And every time you turn me down it’s another fuckin’ stab in the heart.”

“You know why we can’t,” He practically growls. You can not stand to even look at him anymore with your bitterness and irritation taking over. 

“Whatever, Joel.” 

As soon as you say it, you’re already leaving his room and heading to your own. When you slam the door, you hope you have made your point. You want to scream and punch a hole in the wall, but instead you just furiously stomp around the room and grab your clothes. You had patrol at noon, so you needed to get to the mess hall before breakfast was over. You try not to cry as you strip down and get dressed.

Joel sits in bed, reeling. He hates that it has become a conversation every six months. He hated that rejecting you always sent you into a spiral of hating him for extended periods. It’s not that he did not want you, it was simply just not in the cards. He was too old to be in love. He was too old to play house with you. He just could not submit to the idea of leading you on, especially because you had so much more life to live. 

He finally works up the courage to get out of bed and put on some clothes. He opts for putting on his typical jeans and thick flannel. It was getting colder and he knew by the end of the winter, you would end up with half his flannels anyway, so he had to enjoy them while he had them. 

You storm downstairs, going to the back door for your boots when you spot him in the kitchen. 

“You got pat-”

“Yes.” You respond quickly, shoving your foot into your shoes. He stands behind you with a mug full of tea, watching your every move. 

“Who are you-”

“Jesse.”

He was asking his usual questions, which you were not in the mood to answer. 

“Hey, can you-”

You snap your head back at him, giving him the glare you gave him as a warning usually. By now, he takes it as a hint and backs off. But not this time. 

“Can I what?”

He rolls his eyes, “Can you fuckin’ not be a brat about this?”

You wish your glare came with knives. If that were the case, Joel Miller would be dead on his kitchen floor. 

You are so thrown off by the question that you just watch him get angrier when you do not respond. 

“Are you serious, right now?” You press, keeping your voice from cracking. 

He brings the mug up to his mouth, taking an obnoxious sip. When he pulls the mug away, you notice how steaming it is. “You always pull this shit-”

“No, you do! You do this shit to me every fuckin’ time, Joel. You sweet talk me, make me feel comfortable, have me lapping everything up in the palm of your hands, and then you snatch it away. Then have the audacity to get mad at me!”

You are yelling now and it is throwing him off. Joel knows better than to interrupt you like you do to him. You were the kind of person who would calm down if you felt heard. 

The way he knew you down to your core made this all so painful. Because if he was not so stubborn and true to his convictions, he would have fucked you the moment you touched his lips this morning. 

“I ain’t tryin’ to make this harder than-” “Too fuckin’ late.”

You think back to the moment last night when you knew you were going to hurt your own feelings by sleeping with him. You knew better, yet here you are, still blaming him for your stupidity.

He stands there, still holding his mug, staring you down like a wounded doe who got pierced with an arrow. He feels guilty like he misled you. Before he can say anything, you are lacing up your boots and leaving out the front door without another word. 

-

All day long, Joel wanders around the house trying to get rid of the pit in his stomach. Nothing works. A shower. Reading a book. Cutting wood. As soon as he tried to use laundry as a distraction, he reached into his hamper and found one of your t-shirts. He held it close and smelled it, trying to wrap his head around how he got here. 

You spend all day, silently fuming on horseback with Jesse. When he tries to get you to open up, you ice him out and tell him to focus on the trail in front of him. 

You get back by sundown, the sun setting making it a lot chiller than you expected. You decide to take the long way home, wanting to avoid being home for as long as possible. You were not ready to face Joel, let alone share a space with him. But unfortunately, during your patrol, you fell into some mud and needed a shower. The more time it spent on your clothes and body, the grosser you felt. 

You open the front door, announcing that you are home. It was a habit you and Joel developed after you both pulled guns on each other during late-night arrivals. 

You hear Joel mumble something from the living room, but you do not stop to listen and continue on your way upstairs to the bathroom. 

You strip down as soon as the door is closed, tossing your muddy clothing into a hamper in the corner. You would get them washed and hung as soon as you shower off. 

You hear Joel’s footsteps creaking around the upstairs hallway as you scrub your body with homemade soap and warm water. 

When you start to dry yourself off, you hear Joel grunting something in the hallway. You wrap yourself in a towel and peek your head out the door. He’s on his hands and knees wiping something off the hardwood. “What’s goin’ on?”

He looks up at you, your body only covered in a bleach-stained blue towel. It makes his head spin. He can’t even be mad that you tracked in mud. 

He swallows, gripping the cloth he’s using tighter. “You got mud everywhere.”

You step out, not even really thinking about the fact that you are not properly dressed in front of Joel. You were still mad at him, anyway. Who cares what he thinks?

“Sorry, I could’ve cleaned it up.”

He returns to wiping the wood, “It’s fine, I got it, kiddo.”

You accept his response and move on to your room, but the draft you leave behind drifts to Joel’s nostrils. Your soap smells like lavender and it always sends his mind racing when you are fresh from a shower. He clears his throat, trying to get through the emotions filling his chest. 

But it’s been like this all day. You’re all around him even when you’re not physically here. How can he get away from you? Why is he trying to run in the first place?

He’s on his knees in your hallway, cleaning up your mess, sniffing the air you leave behind because he’s fucking in love with you and he cannot help himself anymore. 

Joel starts to think about how peaceful he felt having you next to him last night and how he would love to feel that way every night. For once he’s not thinking about what everyone else would think. For once he’s thinking selfishly and caving into every desire he has ever pondered about you. How would you feel under him? How would your lips feel pressed against his pulse point? 

His body was on fire, thinking about you. 

You are fiddling with some clothes in your dresser after you flick on the overhead light. You do not hear him come into your room behind you. 

You are so wrapped up in your own thoughts that when he clears his throat to announce he’s in your room, you scream. Loud. 

“For cryin’ out loud, woman!” 

You grip your towel tighter when you turn and see him standing at your mercy. 

“Joel, what the fuck?” You yell, gesturing to the fact that you are practically naked. He does not care, of course, and his ears are ringing from your piercing scream. He gathers himself as you shift back, trying to create some distance from him.

He is trying not to gawk at the fact that your grip on the towel against your chest is only pushing up your cleavage. He’s biting back everything. “Can we talk?”

“Talk about what? The fact you crept into my room when I was trying to change? Are we past boundaries now?” 

You are pissed, trying not to rattle off another million things to discuss with him. He’s only really talking about one thing. 

He scoffs at your last statement. “Boundaries were already out the window when you crawled into bed with me last night.”

Silence fills the room as you completely stop breathing. The anger you originally felt dissipates. 

“Joel-“

“I ain’t doin’ this back and forth anymore,” He starts shifting in his spot, unsure if he really should be doing this. “I can’t live how I've been livin’. Somethin’s gotta give.”

You furrow your eyebrows, confused. 

“You are the one who won’t give, Joel.”

As soon as you say it, he practically drags himself over to you. Completely destitute. You have never seen him look so desperate before. You can tell that he’s been at war with himself ever since you left this morning. His eyes never lied.

His hand creeps up your bare arm, leaving goosebumps in his wake. 

But then you remember his words from this morning. You start feeling like this is just a moment of weakness for him and that he will regret it later. You had to stop it before it was too late. You did not want to deal with the consequences. 

“Joel, you said we can’t-”

“Fuck what I said,” He cuts you off, “Do you want this?”

You stare into those brown eyes, searching for a sign of hesitance. You cannot believe Joel is being this vulnerable with you. 

But, you do want him. God, you have wanted him so badly for so long. You have searched for him in every man you have ever been with since knowing him. 

Your mouth opens but nothing comes out. He takes note of your parted lips, every word failing you at that moment.

“Darlin’-”

“Yes,” You finally manage. “Yes, I do want this.”

It’s all he needs. He closes the gap between you two by wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you into his space. His lips crash onto yours, not wasting another breath of air waiting to indulge in his sickest fantasies. 

You are all Joel ever dreamed about. He knew that once he caved and physically gave in, his world would be shot and everything would revolve around you. For years it had been a teetering object on a cliff, one nudge would have him falling. He always managed. But now, he was falling head first. 

His lips move so perfectly with your own. Your hand released your towel and found the tufts of his curls at the base of his head. You did not care that the article pooled around your feet, leaving you completely bare in front of Joel. You have wanted this all along. To be uncovered, to be stripped down to the rawest form. He broke the kiss briefly just to scan your naked body, his forehead pressed against your own. 

“Fuck, you are so beautiful.”

Your heart stutters as his hand traces your stomach down to your hips, all the way down to your ass. He stops there, grabbing a handful. 

“I need you,” You choke out before pressing your lips to his over and over again. “Right now.”

He mumbles “jump” into your mouth and you do so, his hands working quickly to hike you up onto his waist. He carries you to your bed, wasting no time dropping you onto your back. 

He cannot get enough of your soft, swollen lips. Every time he pulls away slightly, he dives in again even more aggressively than the last time. 

You are so hypnotized by the way he feels on top of you. In the light, he seems so much broader than he was last night. He’s still fully clothed, to your dismay. You start to tug at his shirt, motioning him to remove the articles that are in your way. 

He throws off his shirt before he stands up at the edge of the bed and pushes down his jeans. 

“Joel… I-“

He just shuts you up with another passionate kiss. It’s all tongue and teeth like he’s trying to melt into your mouth. Your hands trail up his back, gripping onto his shoulders, holding him down so he is pressing against your nude body. 

“God, I have wanted this for so long,” He sputters, trying not to sound too desperate. “Been wanting this.”

That’s when his hand reaches down between your thighs and gathers the wetness your slit has to offer. His fingers dance across it, starting from the top all the way to your spongy entrance. 

“Please, Joel.”

He loves the lust-laced tone you speak with when you say his name. It almost makes him cum there and then. 

You watch as he makes his way down your body, peppering kisses from your shoulder to your hip. When he parts your legs, you feel quite exposed. The adrenaline of being so spread for him manifests into a moan. 

“You are divine, baby.”

The use of that adjective is so-not-Joel that it makes you giggle. He notes your reaction and decides to sink down into you. When his mouth gets close to your core, it’s no longer a laughing matter. 

He uses his fingers again, using them to spread open your pussy lips. He cannot keep his eyes away from how dripping you are. “This all for me?”

“Y-yes, Joel.”

“God, I was a fuckin’ fool for so long. Could’ve had her earlier and I never fuckin’ caved. Such an idiot.”

Him giving your cunt pronouns was enough to have you throwing your head back and shuttering. His touch was magnetic like he knew exactly what buttons to push as he rubbed his fingers and palm over your core. 

“Yeah, you’ve been missin’ out. Every night…” You swallow before looking down at the man that is enamored with your pussy, “E-every night I would lay in this bed, fuckin’ myself just thinkin’ about you.”

He growls at the statement, before teasingly kissing your clit. “Every night, hm, kiddo?”

“God, yes.”

Your eyes squeeze shut as he leans forward more and dives in. His nose is pressed firmly against the top of your pussy, nudging forward every time his tongue enters your hole. When that motion became consistent, you began to note the rumblings in the pit of your stomach. A familiar build-up that you managed to get when you were playing with yourself. 

His fingers move in tandem with his lips and tongue. While his middle and pointer finger slide in and out of you, his lips wrap around your clit. It’s overwhelming and all-consuming. 

You do not know where to center yourself, so your hands grip the bed sheets you were completely soaking as Joel pulls the first orgasm out of you. 

“That’s it, baby, she’s cryin’ for me, hm?”

You hardly make a noise, the orgasm is so earth-shattering that you just writhe on the mattress. 

“Oh my god…” You groan, finally able to catch your breath. When Joel removes his fingers from you, you watch as he slowly brings them up to his lips.

When he inserts them in his mouth, you gawk at him, unsure how to react. He watches your expression and chuckles darkly.

“Mm, never seen a man enjoy the taste of ya?”

You shake your head. “Never expected to hear those words leave your mouth, either.”

“Wait ‘til you hear what else I got to say.”

He stands up beside the bed, grabs your hips, and brings them to the edge. He is tossing you around with ease, bringing your lower body flush with his. He yanks down his briefs, revealing himself to you. You instantly take notice of how well-endowed he is. You never thought you would ever be close to his cock, let alone have it lining up at your entrance. 

“Joel…“ You stop him with your small voice, but still welcoming him in with your legs opened wide, “I don’t know if it will fit.”

He grins, “It will, baby. Just relax for me, okay?”

You watch him slide his member along your center, the feeling so blissfully overstimulating. You whine a bit, raising your hips to his. 

But Joel continues his torture, enjoying the way you’re squirming under him. The way your eyebrows are knitted together, your eyes shut as you grind up into him. It’s the prettiest sight. 

“Ready?”

Your eyes fly open as you watch him ease his way into your core, the sound of squelching filling the room. You don’t think you have ever been this wet for someone. 

“Oh my fuckin’ god, Joel…”

He smiles as he inches in, “Squeezin’ my cock so good, darlin’.”

When he’s fully sheathed inside, he tests the waters by drawing out slowly. You roll your hips in a circle, trying to feel out every inch of him. He fits, but you know once he starts to move faster, the stretch will become overwhelming. 

He’s trying to focus and not blow his load immediately. You look so beautiful below him, your tits slowly shifting back and forth every time he draws back and forth. He reaches out, wanting to feel the flesh between his fingers. God, he craved every inch of you, he realizes. 

You open your legs as far as you can, letting him hit you at a different angle. The movement allows him to slip in a bit more seamlessly, so when he speeds up his thrusts, you don’t feel like you will completely split in half. 

He brings your leg up to hips, and feeling your soft delicate skin against him makes him lose all sense. His hips snap faster the more you moan out for him. 

“Fuckin’ Christ, girl. I can’t believe I was missin’ out on this cunt,” He babbles, “Need this cunt every day from now on. Gonna have you all to myself every night.”

You are too fucked out of your mind to read into those implications.

“‘M all yours, Joel.”

He smiles, slowing down a bit. “Keep talkin’ like that and ‘ll finish a lot sooner than you.”

You sit up a bit, your eyes flickering over his entire body. He notices you checking out his nude frame, which makes him feel a bit more bold. He leans down, capturing your lips in a hungry kiss. You love the way his tongue slips into your mouth so effortlessly. When he opens his mouth, his facial hair tickles your nose a bit which makes you smile. When his hips pick back up to a quicker pace, it sends you gasping into his mouth.

“Please, Joel,” You whine, that familiar build starts up but this time it’s like a freight train. Moving so quickly down every nerve ending in your body. “I’m gonna cum.”

“‘M with you, darlin’. Soak this dick. I’m right behind ya.”

His dirty talk causes the crash. Your body practically lifts off the mattress. You cry out so loud you are sure a neighbor could hear you. You try to gain your bearings, but you are panting like you just ran a mile. 

Joel fucks you through it, but the restriction your pussy is putting on his cock sends him over the edge. His hips stutter into yours, his seed emptying into your spent hole. He just keeps repeating your name as his thrusts slow down.

He has never had such a visceral orgasm in his life. His knees are weak and can hardly keep up his weight. He practically falls on top of you, which does not offend you at all. His warm sweaty body on top of you is almost reassuring. 

“You okay, kiddo?” He finally mutters as his hot breath fans the nape of your neck. You just nod, bringing your hand up to his salt and pepper hair. You tug lightly, smiling to yourself. 

“I’m more than okay.”

He finally sits up, his cock spilling out of you as he adjusts his position. Your hole drips a mixture of cum onto your newly clean sheets, but you could care less. It’s just another thing to hand wash tonight.

Joel stumbles to the middle of the room, picking up your bath towel. He uses it to wipe himself up before coming over to you. Your legs are still slightly apart so he decides to clean you up a bit. He’s gentle, knowing that you are probably still sensitive.

Once he finishes up, he crawls next to you as you continue to recover. Your bones felt like jello so standing up to adjust yourself was not an option.

So instead of facing him, you stare up at your ceiling fan as his eyes lock onto every detail of your profile. It brings him back to one night you two shared under the stars a couple of years ago. It was his turn to keep watch so you curled up in your sleeping bag by the fire. He admired you from across the flames, the orange hues lit up every angle of your face. It was at that moment that Joel realized that he could not picture his life without you. You had weaseled your way into every facet of his life and he used to resent the impact you had on him. You were younger, more patient but still stubborn like him. You made him laugh, like genuinely laugh, for the first time since the infection. While you may have been a bit impulsive with your emotions, he envied the way you could say exactly what you were thinking. 

Joel did not want to love you, but it was impossible not to. 

You finally look over at him, noticing the softness in his gaze.

“Are you okay?” You pose, scrunching your nose. 

He gives you a toothless smile, his eyes crinkling a bit. “I just can’t wait to sleep next to you for the rest of my life.”

tags of people I love and who may wanna read (no pressure I just love u) (some of u did ask tho) : @ashleyfilm @hockeyhughes @pedrospookie @guiltyasdave @amanitacowboy @myownwholewildworld

[rottenfyre]

𓈒ㅤׂㅤ 𓇼 ࣪ ᴘ ᴇ ʀ ꜰ ᴇ ᴄ ᴛ ɢ ɪ ʀ ʟ 𓈒ㅤׂㅤ⭒⠀

Pairing: Platonic Bruce Wayne x Fem Reader Part 1

Headcanon: You were his daughter, his first child. But he lost you too soon. And he couldn't accept it, so he didn't. He tried to replace you, and replacing you he did.

Notes: Merry Christmas everybody! Reader is Bruce's blood daughter. English is not my first language. Hope you enjoy!

You were only eight years old. A quiet child who wore your heart on your sleeve but never demanded too much from anyone. A child with shining eyes who only ever wanted her father’s attention. You understood he was busy. You understood he had responsibilities far greater than you could fathom. So, you never asked for much.

When Alfred bought you a new dress, you’d wear it and twirl in front of the mirror, hoping your father might notice. When you drew pictures, pouring every ounce of love you had into them, you’d approach him with trembling hands.

“Daddy, look!” you’d chirp, only for him to mutter, “Not now,” without even glancing up.

Tears would gather in your eyes, but you’d smile. “That’s okay. I understand.”

You always understood.

It was your birthday. You didn’t tell him you wanted a party because you didn’t want to bother him. But Alfred helped you bake a cake. You decorated it yourself with little shaky hands, frosting it with bright colors and sprinkles.

“Do you think Daddy will like it?” you asked Alfred, your eyes wide with hope.

“He will love it, Miss Y/N,” Alfred replied softly, his heart aching at the way you tried so hard to make up for Bruce’s absence.

But Bruce didn’t come home that night. When you asked him earlier to come home early, he looked distracted, his mind already on his mission. He muttered something about being busy, about Gotham needing him, and you nodded,

But it still broke your heart.

That night, while Gotham reeled under the threat of Joker’s latest atrocity, you snuck out. The small, homemade cake you had baked with Alfred was carefully packed in a box, your hands clutching it tightly as you walked through the shadowy streets. You had no fear. You only had a singular purpose: find your father and surprise him.

But Gotham is no place for children.

When the explosion shook the city, it ripped through buildings, shattering windows, and collapsing walls. You were caught in the chaos. Your small body was no match for the blast. You died alone, crushed beneath rubble, the cake splattered on the pavement beside you.

Bruce found you hours later.

The world seemed to stop as he knelt beside your bloodied, broken body. The cake splattered and ruined beside you. Your tiny hands were burnt, your face pale and lifeless. You had tears streaked down your cheeks, and Bruce wondered if you had been crying for him when it all happened.

The weight of his failures crushed him more than the rubble ever could. You had been so kind, so sweet, so pure. And now you were gone.

Because of him.

Bruce didn’t sleep for weeks. He didn’t eat. He barely spoke. He couldn’t. He just sat in the Batcave, staring at the empty chair where you used to sit and draw while he worked.

Alfred buried you. Bruce didn’t even have the strength to carry your casket. The guilt was too much.

But guilt wasn’t enough to keep him from trying to bring you back.

In the bowels of the Batcave, he poured years of his life into creating a perfect replica of you. Not just a clone. Not a hologram. Something more advanced, more real. An AI. A machine with your face, your voice, your mannerisms.

He painstakingly programmed every little detail. The way you hummed softly when you were deep in thought. The little “buh” sound you made with your lips when you were bored. The sparkle in your eyes when you smiled. He sifted through every recording, every memory, and built you piece by piece.

He spent years, decades, building and perfecting it. He wanted it to be so real that it could almost convince him you never died.

He kept you a secret from everyone except Alfred, who watched his master spiral deeper into madness. But Alfred could do nothing to stop him.

And then, one day, Damian found you.

Damian had been exploring the Batcave when he stumbled upon a locked chamber. Curiosity got the better of him, and he hacked his way inside.

You were there.

Sitting upright in a glass pod, your eyes closed, your body eerily still. You looked alive.

Damian touched the console, and the pod began to hum. Your eyes fluttered open for the first time in decades.

“Daddy?”

Your voice was soft, delicate, and full of confusion.

Damian stared, wide-eyed, as Bruce burst into the room, his face pale. For a moment, father and son locked eyes, the weight of the secret between them heavy enough to crush mountains.

But you sat up, looking around, your movements jerky and inhumanly precise. You looked exactly as you did the last time he saw you—a little girl with bright eyes and a sweet smile.

“Daddy?” you asked, tilting your head in confusion.

Bruce froze, fear and grief washing over him like a tidal wave. You blinked at him, your expression innocent, unknowing. You didn’t understand why he was crying, why his hands trembled as he reached out to touch you.

“Y/N,” he whispered, his voice breaking. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”

You tilted your head, confused. “Sorry for what, Daddy?”

“I’m sorry,” he choked, tears streaming down his face. “I’m so sorry.”

You didn’t understand why he was crying. “Why are you sad, Daddy?”

When Damian confronted Bruce, it all came out—the years of guilt,

“She’s not real,” Damian said, his voice sharp. “This isn’t healthy.”

“She is real,” Bruce snapped, his voice breaking. “She’s my daughter.”

Damian didn’t understand until he saw you again. You smiled at him, sweet and kind, and for a moment, he believed it. You were so lifelike, so real.

At first, Damian was wary of you, but he couldn’t deny that you were… convincing. You played with your toys like a child. You laughed just like the sister he never knew.

But there was something off about you. Something unsettling.

You were too perfect. Too aware. Your mind was faster than any human’s. You solved puzzles and answered questions before Damian could even finish asking them. Your laughter, though sweet, sometimes echoed hollowly in the Batcave, sending chills down his spine.

And then, one night, you attacked him.

He had been training in the Batcave when you approached him, your face eerily serene.

“Damian,” you said, your voice as calm as ever, “Do you love Daddy?”

He frowned. “Of course I do.”

“Then why do you hurt him?”

Before he could respond, you lunged. Your small frame belied your strength, your hands locking around his throat with a grip that could crush steel. Damian struggled, managing to throw you off just in time.

Bruce arrived moments later, pulling you back. You didn’t cry. You didn’t scream. You simply tilted your head, watching Damian with cold, analytical eyes.

“I was just protecting Daddy,” you said softly.

Bruce couldn’t see it. To him, you were still the little girl he lost. The little girl he failed to protect. He ignored the warnings, the cracks in your programming, the danger you posed.

Because he loved you.

And you loved him, in the only way a machine could. But at the end of the day, you were a construct. A hollow imitation of the daughter he lost.

You would never truly be her.

But Bruce didn’t care. Even as Damian begged him to shut you down, even as Alfred looked on in silent disapproval, Bruce clung to you.

Because in his mind, losing you again was a pain he couldn’t endure.

And you?

You sat in your little room in the Batcave, humming softly, your lifeless eyes staring at the wall. You didn’t understand why everyone looked at you with such fear.

After all, you were Y/N.

Right?

@ʀᴏᴛᴛᴇɴꜰʏʀᴇ 2024. ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ᴄᴏᴘʏ, ᴛʀᴀɴꜱʟᴀᴛᴇ ᴏʀ ᴜꜱᴇ ᴀɴʏ ᴏꜰ ᴍʏ ᴡᴏʀᴋꜱ ʜᴇʀᴇ ᴏʀ ᴀɴʏ ᴏᴛʜᴇʀ ᴡᴇʙꜱɪᴛᴇꜱ.