#trying really hard to get back into habits

[rosetyler42]

Genetics has quite a bit to do with it. Everything from frame size to how fat is layed to descendants of people with food insecurity or high stress levels can be hard wired to store more fat and/or have high stress levels which make it harder to store fat.

Size matters too. For example, I'm 5' 1" and alot of my family is around 6'. All of them could eat WAY more than me because they were bigger and required more food. Interestingly, I got a large frame size for a short person since I took after my mom that way. My brother is 6' 3" and despite his bottomless pit eating habits is quite thin since he took after dad.

Exercise ALSO does effect things. Not everyone has the ability to go walking, for example, like people in wheelchairs, scooters, those that have crutches, etc. All those could have trouble exercising. Also some people are more active than others due to personality and whatnot.

Also, sometimes our weight can fluctuate over time or even just during the day for various reasons.

I myself had something of an eating disorder where I had an aversion to eating for many reasons as well as digestive issues. My parents tried to stuff as many calories into me as they could to keep me alive. And the way nutrition was taught back in the 2000s did NOT help as it made me even more scared of eating and getting fat. Going through that, I learned what works for others may not work for you, and you should listen to people who know you and your doctor's advice about your weight before anyone else. They may be dealing with shit that you don't know about or even THEY don't really know: For example, I couldn't really tell people why I had trouble eating for YEARS, I just knew I didn't like it. And it wasn't a choice either because people would get mad I took so long and if I could have eaten like a normal person, I WOULD HAVE. I've also recently learned that out of control stress and restrictive diets like trying to minimize sugar, carbs, or fruit can mess your body AND mind up even WORSE than gaining weight.

A core feature of anti-fatness is the "you did this to yourself"-view. People are very invested in the idea that size is within everyone's control. It's soothing to believe that all fat people are a small series of good choices away from becoming thin and staying that way, and that thin people are success stories by virtue of existing.

Any time we speak up about discrimination and fatphobia, someone inevitably plays that card. Trolls will say "eat a salad, pig" and well-meaning health nuts will gently explain what calories are. In either case, we're met with a "you know, you can stop this at any time." Why, if nobody was fat, thin people wouldn't need to examine their biases! It sure would be an easier time for everyone if we weren't so Around and Bulliable!

[amazinglyashy]

hi! i was wondering if i can request lads boys comforting their s/o bc their cat has passed. my baby passed today and i’m grieving really hard. thank you and have an amazing day🫶🏻

Moving this one up immediately in my box just to express my condolences. Your baby was very loved, I'm sure, and I hope you get through this tough time with care <3 I'm sorry for your loss. It's a tough time, regardless of who you're losing. My partner's grandpa passed a couple years back and I remember us crying, laughing and bowling, crying again, and talking a lot. Heck, I went to a craft store right after I heard the news and wandered around for two hours without any goal. I think I bought lolipop sticks. Take care love <3 You'll get through this. I know it's hard.

LaDS men when your pet cat has passed away

Xavier -

Since he lives so close by, your baby was his baby too, so he's devastated. Not equally so, he knows you spent more time with them, and you had them long before you had met him, but still- the pain exists.

The both of you are a bundle of blankets for a long while, just lying in the comfort and going through the both of your phones as you look for every single photo or video that has your cat in it, even just a little bit.

Lots of tears, but lots of laughs as well.

Everything is clear and apparent with every single memory the two of you go through- every little quirk your cat had, every little habit they had-

You both have a really nice time just talking about your cat, and any of the goofy mischief they used to get up to.

Of course you cry, and of course Xavier holds you through it. He knows how hard this is for you, and he knows it'll pass.

But until then, he's got you.

He's always got you.

Zayne -

He may be pragmatic to an extreme sometimes, but when it comes to grieving, he knows how hard it can be on the human psychic.

Not to mention on someone like you, who's already been through enough.

He'll definitely ask you if you want a hug, and if the answer is yes, he'll hold you, squeezing you so snugly and for so long that surely his muscle memory doesn't know a different position anymore.

Warm tea or cocoa, his old cardigan on your shoulders, pillows and blankets surrounding you on the couch, and just…

A lot of care.

If you ask him for any opinions or advice, he probably won't be able to give it to you. He doesn't want to risk anything coming out abrasive when you're still so tender, so he'll settle for condolences and anything comforting he can think of.

"I know it hurts. And you can try as you might, but the hole they left won't ever manage to be blocked out. All you can do is keep going, and hold their memory close."

Sylus -

Deep breath, it's going to be alright.

Loss is definitely something he's familiar with- and it's partially why he doesn't have anyone of his own. Mephisto may have a personality, but he's also mechanical. There's no way for him to disappear, because every bit of data in him gets saved, just in case.

But there's also no way your cat will disappear either, because Sylus has saved every memory of her, to make sure you will always have something should this day arrived.

He just didn't expect it to come so soon.

Doesn't matter what job he has, it's left to Luke and Kieran. He's by your side to care for you in whatever capacity you may need. He takes a lot of initiative, but he also asks you a lot of questions too. He doesn't want to risk making you uncomfortable, and he knows you're extra tender right now.

A lot of physical affection if that's what you need, and a lot of ideas to help you through it- whether he takes you out somewhere to help distract you from the pain, or goes through old memories with you to help you grieve through it, he'll do anything.

For as long as you may need.

Rafayel -

He hated cats.

Except for this one.

That was partially your fault, but also partially the darned cat's fault for being such a love.

He's devastated, both for you, and for himself.

He'll hug you- kiss you. Anything he can think of that usually cheers you up, even though he knows there's really nothing that's going to help right now.

He's been there, he's experienced loss. He knows what you're going through, and unfortunately- he knows that also means there's not really any helping it.

Someday when you're ready- could be in a month, could be three years from now, it doesn't matter at all him- he'll make you probably one of the favorite gifts you'll ever receive from him.

It's a portrait of your past baby, flowing full of life and color with eyes that sparkle almost as well as theirs did back when they were still around.

Almost.

And sometimes, 'almost' is more than enough to help ease the pain.

[astrow1zar6]

Sun + Moon Combos Hot Takes

Sun in libra Moon in Pisces: PEOPLE PLEASERS! No seriously though these people try their best to charm the pants out of anyone (even ppl they don’t like) they aren’t opposed to lying to impress others as well. These people lie A LOT. They usually lie to appear more interesting to others and come up with some pretty extravagant lies lol. It’s pretty rare these people ever feel comfortable being themselves they are usually always mirroring those around them. These people also live and breathe relationships. They love the idea of love and can go thru a number of partners before really committing (isn’t the most loyal sun moon combo).

Gemini sun Cancer moons: this can be a very emotionally unstable combo. I notice people with this combo aren’t really the most ambitious of people. Most stay with their parents longer than most as well. Their sun sign craves change and their moon craves safety so these people can have a constant battle in their heads of if they should experience new things or stay in their comfort zone. This can cause them to stay stuck in situations and environments that they should’ve grown out of longer than necessary. if theirs no big earth influence it can be very hard to ground your emotions. VERY BIPOLAR. They are also more homebodies and quieter compared to most Geminis.

Scorpio sun Aqua moon: an enigma fr. I’ve only met one person with this combo usually cuz it’s EXTREMELY hard to actually get to know these people. They have the same vibe as a shadow. Just very lowkey, in the background. Usually these people despise the spotlight but when they actually make themselves known they are so MAGNETIC. Usually have very interesting/eccentric personalities under all that mystery. They are lowkey the definition of “not like other girls” these people also give a sorta vampire vibe to them idk how to explain it.

Cancer Sun Virgo moon: super boring 😴 they are usually very predictable.. like annoyingly predictable to their mannerisms down to the things they say. Usually don’t like to stray far from their comfort zone. They remind me of that one SpongeBob scene where the fish is on repeat going to work coming home eating sleeping and then at the end the wife goes “coming to bed honey” “yes dear”. That’s what I think of when I think about these people😭 very basic taste in clothes and food as well. on a positive note though they are very loyal to the people they love and they’ll do anything for the people they love. Usually really hard workers as well. But overall I find this combo to be very bland 💀 next..

Aries sun cancer moon: these are the adult boss babies of the zodiac sun moon combo. These people get VERY DEFENSIVE over the smallest shit. They don’t really like when people make to many jokes about them or teases them or they will lose their shit. These people can be sensitive about the weirdest shit. Most people don’t expect this cuz they’re usually harsh to others so when others are harsh back they don’t expect such an emotional reaction. They have a lot of emotional resilience however and are way more intuitive than most Aries. These are the least confrontational of the Aries I notice as well. They’re more passive aggressive/manipulative when upset. I notice these people can become really rude and aggressive when other disagree with them as well. They deal with emotions pretty childishly.

Libra sun Gemini Moon: these are the pick me bitches fr. This combo gives dumb blonde energy. These people will flirt with anyone to get out of anything lol. ( it works most of the time) their constant flirting can get them into some trouble sometimes. They have a habit of breaking a lot of hearts from flirting too much 😭 this can be a big yapper combo too. These people sometimes don’t know when to stop talking (especially about others) they LOVE gossip.

Sun in Aries Capricorn Moons: these people give Bully energy imo. They can be incredibly bossy and controlling when they want something done which doesn’t win them many friends. I notice this combo can cause a lack of emotional intelligence, these people will say things super harshly without thinking how it can affect the other person (if they have strong water in the chart however this won’t always be the case). They tend to find weaker personalities to boss around too which I don’t respect, they usually get too sensitive when someone can actually match their boss energy. I may have came off harsh with this one so I’ll say some positives😭 usually these people have amazing ambition and have the ability to make A LOT of money in their lives. Gives big CEO energy. Also this is a jack of all trades combo, they are able to do so many things, very handy.

Leo sun Cancer moon: usually have amazing/ healthy self confidence (makes sense since the sun/moon are both in their home) these people grow up knowing exactly who they are and what they are capable of even from such a young age. These people are actually sooo funny too. Their comedic timing is soooo good. They can however be more of a “loner” than most other Leo’s and have a big love for their family as well. Can have a problem however with putting their talents to action which can lead in wasted talent.

Virgo sun Scorpio Moon: gives Eeore vibes. No really though these people complain about everything lmao. Even if things aren’t going bad they will focus on the most negative shit. Can be extreme pessimists. Can almost be addicted to shitty emotions in a way. On a brighter side these people are usually very magnetic in social situations and can make a good amount of money in their life because of their work ethic and organizational skills. Can attract very toxic people in their lives. It’s like they’re a magnet for toxic people.

Give me some sun+moon combos that you want me to talk about more in the comments 🥰 (last post of this got deleted)

[devotedlyandrogynousyouth]

genuinely tweaking over your OlderBF! Bruce headcannons omg. do you have any more Older BF! Bruce thoughts to spare? (I adore you and your writing <3)

I alwaysss have more Bruce thoughts to spare. I think this man takes over my mind more than my boyfriend does (not complaining :) )

Sensitive content: Brief mention of kidnapping and stalking

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OlderBF! Bruce Wayne (Part 2)

OlderBF! Bruce Wayne who is so utterly devoted to you. This man is at your side and obeying your every will as often as he can. You saw a pretty dress you wanted in a shop window? It's laying on the foot of your shared bed when you come home. You need attention after an argument? He's cancelling his work meetings, if he can, to spend a bit of time with you.

OlderBF! Bruce Wayne who underestimates just how loud and angry he can get. There is never a moment where he isn't stressed, even when he's with you. And, as much as he tries to hold back, he loses his temper so easily with you.

"Im just saying, Im concerned, alright-?" You start, arms crossed over your chest as you take a seat on the edge of your lavish shared bed.

"What, that Im cheating?" He snaps back almost immediately, head whipping around to face you as he stops pacing. In all honesty, he regrets it as soon as he sees the look in your eyes, but he's far to stubborn to ever admit that.

"Bruce, you know that's not what I mean." You respond softly, choosing not to further escalate the situation by simply laying back on the bed and picking up your book from the nightstand. "You come home every night covered in bruises and disappear out of nowhere, so forgive your girlfriend for worrying about you."

OlderBF! Bruce Wayne who would rather you think that he's cheating on you than spilling his guts about being Batman. It absolutely kills him inside every single time you get misty eyed askinf if he's cheating, but he knows better than to risk your safety with the burden of knowledge.

OlderBF! Bruce Wayne who, god forbid, if you were ever to get kidnapped due to his line of work would push you away for good. All of your stuff would be packed away before you could even calm down for the situation. He wouldn't give you a proper goodbye, either. It would be too risky for him to ever be near you again.

OlderBF! Bruce Wayne who would absolutely develop a nasty habit of stalking you after a separation like that. He tells himself that it's to ensure your safety when he watches you walked into your favorite coffee shop every morning, but he's having a hard time convincing himself.

OlderBF! Bruce Wayne who knows just how unloveable he makes himself. Every woman he has ever been with has either been put in danger because of him or left. He doesn't think he could go through something like that with you, so he instinctively pushes you away like he always has with everybody else.

OlderBF! Bruce Wayne who, despite what he told himself about keeping his distance, finds himself knocking on your apartment door late at night. In his hands are a bottle of wine, your favorite flowers, and gold sheet-covered chocolates.

"Im sorry." His eyes are filled with utter guilt as he glances at your exhausted features. Bruce didnt even give you a chance to process that it was him at the door before he started throwing out apologies.

And the most you can really do for a moment is just look at him, your eyes not entirely focused as you stare out into space a little. "Thought you told me to stay away." You mutter softly, trying to blink the physical and mental exhaustion away.

"I..." How could he even deny that? He did, in fact, tell you to stay as far away as possible for your own safety. "I know." He continues after a moment or two. "But I'm selfish... I can't stay away. I... I want to explain a few things to you, if you'd consider letting me in.

Of course, you caved.

OlderBF! Bruce Wayne who can't bring himself to look you in the eyes as he explains himself and his nightly activities as Batman. He feels so guilty about ever putting you in danger in the first place, but he can't bring himself to stay away like he eventually learned to with Selina.

"I was scared." His quiet, honest response when you ask why he never chose to tell you about his double life. You want to be mad, you really do, but his fingers in your hair as he holds you against his chest after a few glasses of wine was just too good to resist.

"And you think I wasn't?" You ask softly, craning your neck to look up at him a lottle better. "I could handle the thought of you with other girls, Bruce..." You whisper, leaning your head back onto his shoulder. "But you have no idea how worried sick I was seeing those bruises every night. You have absolutely no idea how worried I was that they had gotten to you, too, when they took me."

OlderBF! Bruce Wayne who lets himself get a little tipsy that night with you, which is rare because he always finds excuses not to drink to stay in peak physical condition for his duties. Neither of you drank enough to be intoxicated, but just enough for everything to feel warm and fuzzy. And enough for you to forgive him.

"So sorry, gorgeous..." He mutters between slow, lingering kisses. Despite seeming so brooding and tough, his lips are absolutely divine and you missed them more than you'd ever admit.

OlderBF! Bruce Wayne who ends up getting a little frisky when he's drinking. His hands are almost everywhere, no matter where you are. You were honestly thanking god that it was just the two of you relaxing in your apartment. Hell, he practically had you seeing god with how well he fucked.

"I love you so much..." His eyes are closed as his hips slowly slot into yours yet again, face buried into your shoulder. Normally, you'd be begging for a bit of a quicker and brutal pace, but everything was just too sweet to want anything else. The prolonged sliding of his cock into your weeping hole allowed for you to feel absolutely everything, including his utter adoration and love for you.

OlderBF! Bruce Wayne who tries to keep you away from the paparazzi as much as possible after the kidnapping. Sure, he hated the prying eyes of tabloids trying to disect your relationship before, but he was just so much more paranoid and anxious afterwards. He barely lets you out of Wayne Manor without him or somebody else in the family.

OlderBF! Bruce Wayne who still struggles to communicate with you, even after he's told the truth about his vigilantism. He often finds himseld lying to you without even noticing it, even about the little things like how many thugs he took down on last night's patrol. But he tries to work on it, he really does. He's started writing things down on scrap pieces of paper or notebokks that he found himself being dishonest about.

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Masterlist

[wolfiemcwolferson]

hi love, i'm requesting 'zipping up their jacket for them' (but it's actually their race suit)

Hiiiiii

Pierre really has no idea what possesses him to take the job.

He works when he wants to work and no more. He posts his silly meal prep videos on Sunday and his workout tip of the week on Wednesday and he goes to spend the weekend with his family whenever he wants, so he has no idea what possesses him to take the job.

Except he does.

Really, deep down. He does know.

He doesn't like to look at it. Or think about it.

It's not something he's ever said out loud, but he knows as soon as his phone rings and he hears Charles' voice, he knows the only reason he agrees is because of the thing.

The being in love with his oldest friend thing.

He has to give up his precious work schedule and his posting schedule and the weekends with his family, but in exchange he gets to watch the man he loves bloom underneath Pierre's very careful, very precise workout plan.

They talk all night on the plane after a bad race - sometimes not even about the race - but Charles will laugh and then the next day, he shows up for their light workout and it all falls away.

It's something Pierre is particularly proud of and it makes the late nights and the lack of personal time worth it.

Because before he took this job, before he said yes to this, Charles used to call him and tell him how much he struggled to put it behind him, how much it would linger.

The triple headers would drag on and on and Charles would call him and he would be suffering and Pierre would try to ease it, but there was only so much he could do from his flat in Milan, but now...

More than halfway through the season and there's a rhythm to the weekend - to Charles climbing into the car before the GP.

They've talked about it over and over, worked on Charles' mental state, talked about what Pierre can do to make it as smooth as possible.

They talk about it while Charles has his feet in Pierre's lap on the plane, while Charles is stretched out on a mat in the gym, while the two of them run side by side on the track.

What they don't talk about it how to make Pierre's mental state better, how to help him handle it.

Because he'll never admit this to anyone - especially not Charles - but he stopped watching the race live. Not after he was sitting above Ferrari hospitality and watched Charles slam into the wall.

Pierre hadn't been able to breathe until he had watched Charles walking back into the garage, angry and shoulders set into a hard line.

After that it had been too much for him, and so he stopped watching them live until he had been beside Charles on the grid. The cars lined up, Charles with his silly little spray bottle and his headphones and Pierre with the love in his chest and Charles' extra towel.

"Time's up," Pierre says, nudging Charles' arm, holding out Charles' headphone case, already open and waiting for him to deposit his headphones into it. The song is over. Pierre has it down to an exact science and he knows the song is over.

Charles still grumbles about taking them out, but Pierre can see the way it's shifted behind his eyes. It's a habit - the words. Charles is already in the car, he's already checked out of this and into the car.

Pierre tucks the headphone case into his big obnoxious Ferrari branded bag and then he swings it behind his back because Charles is fiddling with his in-ears, making sure they're squashed the right amount.

He reaches over and zips the suit up, two quick tugs, adjusting it over Charles' shoulders while Charles beams at him.

Pierre won't ever admit this either, but he prays when he does it. A remnant of the faith that he has worked hard to cling to in spite of everything.

Keep him safe, bring him back, protect him.

It's selfish, but he does it. Keep him safe, one tug, bring him back, two tugs, protect him, velcro piece at Charles' throat.

"Calamar," Pierre says, his voice always catching as he holds his fist out for Charles to bump.

"Calamar," Charles echoes.

People are scattering, drivers are in cars, and Pierre has to go.

He has to go and watch from the garage with everyone else, and if he's lucky, he'll get to zip up Charles' race suit next weekend and three weekends from now and five weekends from now.

[iloveacaibowls111]

Old Habits Die Hard

synopsis: life with toji is hard, especially because he just can’t seem to let go of his bad habits

A/N: Finally finished exam, it was so hard.

As you turn the handle of your apartment door, a sigh escapes you, filled with frustration and disappointment. The living room was a mess—clothes scattered across the couch, empty takeout boxes on the coffee table, and a faint smell of smoke lingering in the air.

“Toji?” You call out, hoping he was just napping or in the shower. Silence meets you. You check each room, but there’s no sign of him. With a heavy sigh, you let your grocery bags drop to the floor and reach for your phone. You find his name and press call, listening to the ringing with a knot forming in your stomach.

“Hey, doll. What’s up?” Toji’s voice greets you, casual and warm, but in the background, you catch the unmistakable sounds of slot machines and loud voices.

“Hey, where are you?” You try to keep your voice steady, but it’s hard. After a long pause, you mutter, “Please tell me those sounds I’m hearing aren’t from a casino.”

There’s a brief silence, and then he mutters, “Wait, hang on. Lemme just get somewhere quieter.” You hear him shuffle around, the sounds of the casino fading a little. “Look, doll, it’s not what you think.”

“Oh, really?” you reply, unable to keep the sarcasm out of your voice. “Because it sounds exactly like what I think.”

He sighs. “I know, I know… but you gotta trust me. I’m just here for a quick thing. You know it’s not easy quitting everything cold turkey.”

“Toji, you promised.” The words come out softer than you intended, laced with hurt. "You said you’d stop gambling, stop... all of this, to be here with me. I can’t keep doing this if you’re not really trying.”

He falls silent, and for a moment, you wonder if he’s even listening. Finally, he says, “I’ll be home in a bit, okay?”

You hang up, feeling the weight of disappointment settle in deeper. You want to believe him—believe that he’ll change, that he’ll leave his vices behind for good. But as you look around the messy apartment, you wonder how much longer you can keep hoping.

The silence after the call feels heavier than the empty apartment around you. You set down your phone, numb, and look at the mess he left behind. It's not just the clothes and empty takeout containers scattered across the room; it’s the broken promises, the nights he said he’d be here and wasn’t. It’s feeling like you’re holding onto something that’s slowly slipping through your fingers, no matter how tightly you cling.

You sit on the couch, arms wrapped around yourself, wondering if he’ll even come home tonight. Dinner sits untouched on the table, the hours stretch on, and you lose track of time until, sometime after midnight, you hear the door click open.

Toji steps inside, looking rougher than usual. He closes the door quietly, his gaze scanning the room before finally landing on you. For a moment, neither of you says anything.

“Hey…” he murmurs, voice barely above a whisper. He scratches the back of his neck, the weariness in his eyes mirroring the ache in your own.

You let the silence hang, too tired to make it easy for him this time. He shifts uncomfortably, like he knows it too.

“I messed up,” he says eventually, sinking down onto the couch next to you. He lets out a sigh, rubbing his hands over his face before looking at you. “I keep saying I’ll stop, that I’ll change, and then… I don’t. I know it’s not fair to you.”

Your chest tightens, a mix of hurt and anger bubbling up. “Toji… do you even know what it’s like for me?” Your voice cracks a little, but you press on. “Waiting here, wondering if you’ll come home… if you even want to be here? I’m trying to hold on to something, but I don’t even know if you’re reaching back.”

His face softens, the casual front finally falling away. He reaches out slowly, hesitating before resting his hand over yours. “I do want this. I want us,” he says quietly, his voice rough with regret. “I just… I keep screwing it up. You don’t deserve that, and I hate myself for it.”

The confession hangs between you, raw and unpolished, and it stirs something in you. You swallow, letting out a shaky breath. “Then stop hating yourself and just… be here,” you say, your voice barely a whisper. “I don’t need perfect. I just need you.”

He pulls you into his arms, holding you close, and for the first time in a long time, you feel him really holding onto you, as if he’s as afraid to lose you as you’ve been of losing him.

“I’ll make this right,” he murmurs into your hair, his arms tightening around you. “I know I’ve said it before, but… I mean it this time. I’m done making promises. I’ll just… show you.”

In his arms, you let yourself exhale, feeling some of the hurt ease, replaced with the quiet hope that maybe, just maybe, this time will be different.

[umbrella-show]

Fish Inside A Birdcage: Rule #4

Aimlessly wandering through the corridors of the Dark Citadel was a habit of yours. Through the night, whenever you couldn’t sleep, and through the day you roamed throughout the stronghold. 

You have every single detail memorized, every banner, every dark chocolate tile, every small detail that could easily be missed to the common eye. 

As repetitive as your technique to pass the time was, it was all you had. These walls were all you’ve known. 

It wasn’t always like that, but you can’t remember when it wasn’t. You were stuck here. You had no clue what happened outside of the kingdom. The citadel had no windows for you to see.

The only idea you could get of the outside world was from Dark Cacao himself. When he had time to spare with you, you would always ask him what was happening in the kingdom. While he gave you little insight of what affairs were happening outside the citadel, he did have plenty of stories about the dangers that lurked throughout. It was mostly what he talked about whenever you’d ask about the outside world.

And you believed him. You believed his every word. 

You didn’t have a reason to go outside. It was safe here. Safe from the monsters and ones that want to hurt you. 

As much as you are a little curious about the outside world, all you’ve heard about the outside world was how dangerous it was. You only have Dark Cacao to inform you about the world. To guide you through this life. He’s the only one you could go to for any type of information. 

So, you’ll stay in this stronghold, faithfully by his side.

“You should be in bed, child.”

Dark Cacao’s voice was stern, yet held a hint of warmth as he lightly scolded you. You silently walked behind him, your head hung low. You looked down at the deep purple carpet under your feet that silenced your footsteps, observing the patterns woven delicately into the silk.

His scolding fell deaf to your ears. After all, you had heard it a million times before. You didn’t really care too much about getting proper sleep during the night. You just wanted to move around. To explore the Citadel. Even if you have every detail burned into your memory with how much you do this. Even if, everytime, nothing’s different.

“I have told you, I do not like this sleepwalking habit of yours. You need proper rest.”

You slowly nodded your head as you felt Dark Cacao’s expectant gaze on you. You didn’t look up at him, preferring to keep your head pointed towards the floor.

“Are you listening, child?”

You hummed softly in affirmation as the banners on the walls suddenly caught your attention. You aimlessly continued to walk forward before you bumped into Dark Cacao’s back. He had stopped walking and was peering at you over his shoulder. You stumbled back a little before staring up at him. You tried to read his expression, to try and get some sort of hint of what he was feeling. However, you couldn't find anything. His hardened face gazed back at you, unwavering as he turned around. 

You broke eye contact and looked to the ground instead, his hard gaze causing your chest to feel heavy with guilt. You weren’t sure whether it was guilt for continuing your habit he has explicitly told you to stop, or for not being able to keep eye contact with him at all. You weren’t really sure why you were feeling this way in the first place. You rarely felt guilty about disobeying his orders. It’s not like you could do much but sleep, eat, and walk while being practically caged in the bastion.

You felt his hand hook under your chin and raise your head for your eyes to meet his. His cold eyes bore into yours although you could have sworn you saw his eyes soften as he glanced at your face. You only blankly stared up at him, the feeling of guilt seeping deeper into your chest. You couldn't tell if he noticed or not, his face unwavering.

“Why do you disobey me? I only want you to get proper sleep yet you never seem to stay in bed.”

“I-I’m just not tired.” 

You softly responded, frowning slightly. Your response only caused Dark Cacao to sigh. His hand left your chin and instead grasped yours. He gently began to pull you towards the direction of your bedroom, keeping you in sight. You were surprised by the sudden touch. Dark Cacao never really showed much affection to you, other than the rare occurring hugs he gave you when you were feeling sad.

Nevertheless, you followed him. His hand holding yours felt comforting. You pressed closer against his arm and held his hand with both of your own. He seemed to be surprisingly fine with this. He even wrapped his arm gently around your shoulder, pulling you against his side. You closed your eyes and leaned against him, feeling his footsteps slow to allow you to comfortably keep up. 

“Let's get you back to bed.”

You raised no objections and only let out a low hum. This time, you would listen to his orders and do as he said. You would only continue to hope tomorrow would have something more eventful in store for you. You were only hoping however, but it was the least you could do. It’s not like you could ever leave anyways.

(Idk what this really was I kinda just based some of this fic off a song.)

[killallxys2]

Chapter 3 - Why is it Difficult to Stop?

All makeup users often feel as though something has taken over them. In the early stages, it’s a simple matter of saying, “I’ll stop relying on makeup, just not today.” Over time, we begin to feel like we don’t have enough willpower to step away from it, or that there’s something about makeup we truly need to feel good about ourselves. Breaking free from makeup dependency is like trying to climb out of a slippery pit: we get close to the top, catching glimpses of self-confidence, but then find ourselves sliding back down as our insecurities resurface. Eventually, we reach for the makeup, and as we apply it, a sense of guilt creeps in.

If you ask someone hooked on makeup, “If you could go back to a time before you felt you needed makeup every day, would you have started using it like this?” their answer would be, “NO WAY!”

Ask someone who’s a firm believer in makeup and insists it’s harmless or even essential, “Would you encourage your child to depend on makeup from a young age?” The answer, again, would likely be, “NO WAY!”

Makeup dependency is a strange paradox. The difficulty isn’t in explaining why it’s easy to cut back, but in explaining why it’s hard to let go. And why, once we recognize the toll it takes on our self-esteem, do we keep reaching for it? Part of the reason is that we see millions of people using makeup — it feels normal. Yet many who rely on it wish they hadn’t started in the first place. We try so hard to master makeup techniques, thinking it’s a form of freedom or self-expression, only to spend years trying to undo the habit, often feeling like we’re alone in this.

We end up feeling hopeless or unhappy, preferring the perfectly contoured face over our own natural features. This constant dependence keeps us caught in a cycle of insecurity, fatigue, and self-doubt. Relying on makeup — with its inability to bring out our true confidence — we ultimately feel drained and dissatisfied.

Ironically, reading about the addictive nature of makeup routines on beauty sites only makes us feel more insecure! What kind of habit leaves us wishing we could stop when we’re using it, yet feeling anxious without it? We criticize ourselves every time we hide behind makeup with friends or family, and every time we skip activities that make us feel vulnerable, like going out without makeup. We end up spending a significant part of our day struggling with self-image. But the real question is: what do we truly gain from a life spent hiding behind a layer of makeup? Absolutely nothing!

You might be thinking, “That’s all well and good, but once you’re hooked on makeup, it’s really hard to stop.” Why is it so difficult? Some may say it’s because we’re afraid of the way we look without it, but you’ll soon realize that this fear is actually quite mild. After all, many people who wear makeup every day never realize how it influences their self-worth.

Some say makeup is accessible, making it a valuable tool for everyone to feel beautiful — but this is misleading. It can easily become a crutch. If you ask someone who only wears light makeup if they've ever felt tempted to try heavier or bolder looks, they’d likely admit to moments when they crossed that line, rather than going without makeup altogether.

Enjoyment has nothing to do with makeup dependency either. I enjoy crayfish, but I’ve never felt like I needed to have crayfish every day. With most things in life, we enjoy them in the moment, but we don’t feel deprived or anxious when they’re not there.

Some people say: “It’s empowering!” But how has it truly helped you grow as a person? “It’s about feeling beautiful!” Then why does it often leave you feeling insecure or dissatisfied? “It’s a form of self-care!” So why does it just temporarily mask insecurities, only for them to resurface? “It helps me feel relaxed.” But others seem to feel relaxed without relying on it. There are plenty of genuine self-care practices that provide peace and relaxation without dependency.

Many believe that makeup fills a void of boredom, but boredom is simply a frame of mind. Over-relying on makeup can lead to constantly seeking the next look, the next trend, or the perfect style, eventually causing us to chase a sense of novelty that feels exhausting, never really feeling "enough."

Some people use makeup because "everyone does it." If so, let’s hope those same friends don’t cut their heads off and expect you to follow! Most makeup users who think about it would admit it’s mostly habit. But this is hardly a real explanation. The truth is, we change habits all the time — some very enjoyable ones too. We’ve been conditioned to believe that makeup is just a harmless habit and that habits are hard to break.

But are habits really that hard to break? In the U.S., people drive on the right side of the road, but when they travel abroad, they adapt quickly to driving on the left with little difficulty. Starting a new job or moving to a new city changes our routines entirely, yet we adjust with time. We change habits every day, so why is it that breaking a makeup habit — something that often leaves us feeling worse when we use it and guilty afterward — feels like such a struggle?

The answer is that makeup dependency isn’t just a habit, it can become a type of emotional reliance, even an addiction to feeling "masked" or altered. That’s why it can feel hard to let go. Many people who feel dependent on makeup don’t understand this and think they’re genuinely sacrificing something if they stop.

The beautiful truth is that once you understand why you feel this reliance on makeup, it becomes much easier to let go. In a few weeks, the only question you’ll have is why you felt so dependent on makeup for so long, and you’ll wonder why you can’t convince others just how freeing it is to go natural and feel comfortable in your own skin

3.1 The Sinister Trap

Makeup can be a subtle, addictive trap, one created by both society and our own insecurities. Often, it starts with a small introduction — maybe a simple lip gloss, mascara, or foundation, something we try out of curiosity, fun, or a desire to feel a bit more confident. These first uses seem harmless and even empowering. But over time, the habit of makeup can become something we rely on, creating a belief that we’re not enough without it.

Initially, makeup gives us that sense of control, helping us present our "best self" to the world, like putting on armor. We think we can stop whenever we want, feeling secure that it’s just for fun or a little boost. But as we incorporate it into our daily lives, the routine becomes harder to break. We start seeing makeup as essential, and soon, we may not want to face the world without it.

For many, trying to quit using makeup might only come after an “incident” — feeling dependent, noticing skin concerns from overuse, or simply feeling trapped in a routine of covering up. But as we try to break free, the absence of makeup can lead to feelings of vulnerability and discomfort, as if we’re lacking a shield. Instead of gaining the confidence we wanted in the beginning, we find ourselves feeling anxious or exposed.

In these moments, we might rationalize keeping up the habit, thinking we’ll cut back when life feels easier or less stressful. However, that stress-free period never truly comes, and the idea of quitting feels daunting. Just like we once believed makeup made us look better, we might now feel it’s necessary to cope with life’s pressures. But makeup isn’t truly relieving stress or solving any problem; it’s just become a habit.

Understanding the true nature of makeup dependency can be freeing. Makeup isn’t inherently harmful, but we don’t need it to feel whole or capable. Once we realize this, the process of letting go can become a path toward greater self-acceptance and peace with who we are.

We often confuse responsibility with the stress of maintaining a certain appearance. Just like any addiction, relying on makeup can actually increase our stress over time, even though many of us believe it’s relaxing or comforting. In reality, the constant need to apply makeup, cover every perceived flaw, and keep up appearances can weigh us down, especially when we feel guilty for not being confident without it. Over time, each layer applied late at night, every time we feel "not enough" without makeup, only adds more to this stress.

Many people who decide to quit makeup do find relief, only to sometimes fall back into the same cycle, feeling drawn again to the allure of looking "perfect." It’s as if we’ve wandered into a maze of beauty expectations, one that makes it hard to escape. While some do manage to break free, the pull to reenter the routine often remains, especially when society keeps reinforcing that polished look as the standard.

The challenge of stepping away from makeup dependency is complex and often feels like a riddle. But once you see the answer, it becomes clear and liberating — and you might even wonder why you didn’t realize it sooner! This journey is about breaking free from this maze by slowly unlearning the beliefs that make makeup feel necessary.

However, it’s important to take things step by step. Rushing through this transformation without careful thought, or skipping parts of the journey, could make it easy to slip back into old patterns. Most people can quit the habit once they understand the core reasons that keep them hooked, which boil down to two main influences:

Society's unrealistic beauty standards

Personal insecurities and cultural brainwashing

People who rely on makeup are thoughtful, rational individuals. Yet deep down, they know they never "needed" makeup before they started using it regularly. Many even remember feeling unsure or awkward the first time they applied it, driven by curiosity or a desire to fit in. But over time, we learn techniques, save tutorials, follow beauty influencers, and work hard to master the art, eventually feeling like we can't go without it.

The funny thing is, many non-makeup wearers — whether they’re older people, those with different beauty norms, or those who never felt pressured by societal standards — don’t feel like they’re missing out on anything at all. By understanding the influences at play, we can dismantle the trap makeup dependency creates, freeing ourselves to embrace our natural beauty with confidence.

[vexingvorta]

Im not a fan of every argument made here on either side, so first I'll get a few things out of the way;

1, that abuse victims often go on to be abusers themselves if they don't put in the work necessary to heal from their own abuse, that's what people are talking about when they refer to the CYCLE of abuse. To deny that is... Also uncomfortable. Being a victim of abuse does not make you exempt from abusing other people. 2, I wish we'd stop equating toxic with abusive because there is a difference. 3, i don't think autistic coding is really a fair defense of said toxic traits I'm gonna be real. There's nothing wrong with headcanons and projection but just to focus on what actually happened in the series without using headcanon to excuse harmful behavior. I don't know what traits are being referred to as "autistic coded" here so honestly I'm not gonna touch that with a ten foot pole and just focus on what we see;

Its hard for people to accept, but abuse does not happen on accident. Abuse is an intentional choice one makes. And over all, no, Ford isn't abusive. He, throughout the series and due to a combination of his self-centeredness and being a victim of abuse (hell, his self-centeredness was weaponized against him as part of the abuse) was absolutely toxic for most of the time we've seen him.

The argument that he abused Fiddleford is so stupid I'm not even going to acknowledge it. The thing with Stan is, he frankly wasn't around him enough to actually abuse him. A one time event is not abuse. A single fight is not abuse. Abuse is long and drawn out and, as I said earlier, intentional. And, like what was already pointed out, Ford was in a bad state. He'd reached the point of Bill going fully mask off, so to speak, and the abuse now being at it's worst. He was fully isolated and sleep deprived and it made him crazy. Yes, his unwillingness to destroy the journals was deeply selfish and another mark of how self-centered he is. It's the definition of irrational. But, once again, he wasn't in a spot where he could think rationally. (Granted, even if he was, I still don't think he would've been willing to destroy the journals because his self importance and self centeredness is one of his biggest flaws and an important part of his character)

The closest Ford ever comes to being abusive is, yes, with dipper. He starts telling him a lot of the same things we know Bill told him at the start of their partnership; you're special, we need each other, these other people are only holding you back. Nobody understands you like I do. When Dipper expresses concern for Mabel, Ford is immediately dismissive. He looks at Dipper and all he sees is himself, and all he sees in Mabel is Stan. He is the one who pushed that dichotomy, because he really couldn't think outside of himself.

His greatest flaw is that he's self centered and self obsessed. But the thing is, is that he learns his lesson. It takes literal apocalypse to get there, but he does learn and he does reflect and he does apologize and try to do better. He course corrects. Gravity falls, ultimately, is about family bonds and breaking the cycle of abuse. Ford almost continued that cycle with Dipper, but he stopped before any permanent damage could be done, both to their relationship, and to Dipper and Mabels. He fixed his relationship with Stan.

He did in fact have abusive tendencies and toxic traits but ultimately he put in the work to fix them and be better. Ford is a well written and well balanced character. He displays how someone even with good intentions can unintentionally fall back into cruel and toxic habits, and can start repeating the abuse they were put through. He also shows that you can come back from that. That starting down that path doesn't mean you have to stay there. That it's possible to heal and get better.

None of what I'm saying is an indictment of Ford's character. The opposite: he is complex and well written and imperfect, and I love him and his character arc. He could've been so easily made into an irredeemable villain, a no good bastard who's just horrible and abusive. He had all those pieces laid out. But the choice and skill to actually have him go through the motions of falling into abusive tendencies and then getting better is amazing on Alex Hirsch's part, and a testament to his ability to write deep and complex characters.

(also this is just kind of my own aside but the use of "autistic-coded" as like an excuse for how a character acts is really annoying to me for a number of reasons? For one, just off the bat, it's an attempt to make your headcanon sound more canon than it is, but by nature of being a headcanon, it's not really a fair or valid argument here. Second, there are ways to make a legitimate argument and analysis of a characters actions in canon and debate criticisms of their actions without saying "they're autism coded so actually you must hate autistic people", like it's okay, you're allowed to make a legitimate argument. Also, "character did shitty thing because they're autistic" isn't the win you think it is, because let's be real, you're either implying that they have no autonomy over their actions because of their autism, or that you think autism makes people shitty or toxic, neither of which is the win you think it is. Ironically lack of media literacy applies in both cases here, just for different reasons. Okay side rant over, just wanted to throw that out there because holy hell it's something that is used so much in fandom and it gets grating after a while.)

The tldr here is that Ford isn't an abuser. He was abused, he had toxic and abusive traits, but he put in the work to heal and better himself. He's by no means perfect and that's okay, he's a good character, and he's actually trying to be better.

Today in "I hate autistic-coded abuse victims", this shitty take.

Ford did not abuse Stan. He did not abuse Fiddleford. He did not try to drive a wedge in Dipper and Mabel's relationship (he was doing what he thought was best for Dipper and thought Mabel would be fine).

Just admit you hate autistic people and have no compassion for abuse victims. And admit you have no media literacy.

Also, calling a canonical abuse victim an abuser is...uncomfortable, to say the least. Especially with how you're just making him out to be abusive for...not handling personal interactions perfectly. You're demonizing autistic traits. And you need to research how abuse can effect people.

(Also, I know Ford's not perfect. But you don't seem to know that he's flawed but ultimately a good person. You just want a "perfect victim" when it comes to abuse victims, and it's obvious)

[the1trueanon]

trying to work on trying to get better at actually reblogging posts, so I'm trying to clear out my drafts. I've officially gone from nearly 500 posts to about 80-ish (not counting what I've already qued up). I'm gonna try to get the rest tagged and qued soon hopefully...if I don't drop off the face of the earth again...

anyways, might be a lot more posts getting yeeted on here daily than before, since the older ones from my drafts will be posting via que and I'm gonna try to make sure anything I do reblog now is done pretty much immediately, so I don't fall back into the draft-que habit.

[pansyfemme]

i have been a ball of depression lately as well as my physical health worsening pretty severly this past week due to stress and so my friends have been. trying so hard to get me to get out and do things and its very sweet but i feel bad because the whole time i’m just a total mess

[a-song-of-art-and-fire]

The Death of Kevan Lannister

"And in their hands, the daggers."

The second in my diorama series of "person ends ADWD being stabbed to death by people he didn't consider a threat". (I have a feeling the editing of ADWD may have spared Barry and the Brazen Beasts being included in the series for now!)

I'm definitely not one of those people who say Kevan Lannister is a good or admirable man, but his death does certainly have a degree of pathos. I always adore the idea that Varys has to off Kevan and Pycelle as the most competent members of the government, not so much because theyve risen to the top as because the bar has continually lowered until mediocrity puts them head and shoulders above the competition. As someone living under the UK government in the 21st century, somehow that image feels very resonant.

As with all my dioramas, this started as a passing fancy when I noticed the Kevan mini could easily be reposed to look like he'd been shot, that got more and more elaborate. I love the winter imagery in Kevan's epilogue, especially the icicles in the red keep, so I definitely wanted to include those, and the white raven letting everyone know the Starks will need new house words - winter has well and truly come. I had fun with all the maester paraphernalia on the desk - theres a glass bottle of wine reflecting candlelight that's probably the most technical bit of painting I've done, and you can barely make it out overall! Another detail I like is the stonework having Targaryen carvings, with Lannister rugs and hangings over the top, and one rug that Kevan has kicked over on being shot - Varys' attack revealing the dragons still beneath the thin veneer of Lannister power.

Finally, I'm sad not to have Pycelle included. It's hard to get minis in anything other than standing or fighting poses, and "old man in robes slumped over a desk" was too much of an ask. I looked at sculpting him myself, but it was just more work than I was willing to put in, so say he's dead just Offscreen of the diorama instead!

[cathalbravecog]

Mity I doodled (mostly from memory) earlier instead of studying for finals

[puppyeared]

[violetvulpini]

Little Invader Zim X TMNT 2003 doodles. Or as I like to call it, pot meeting a lot of kettles.

[Below some extra art, brainstorming chats, and transcripts because my handwriting is awful]

[image 1- "So you had a 'real' spaceship, like all these 'real' artifacts, but you can't show me because an alien happened to steal it between the reported sighting and my arrival (wast of my time.)" "They are real, and free! Your government drone failed to defeat the alien glory! My only regret is the alien didn't take me with." "(fury of 1000 suns) Never contact us again."]

[image 2- "Has anyone deployed a drone that I wasn't made aware of?" "No, sir." "Then either these people are delusional, or the FBI is pulling something again." "Probably the former." "Very likely."]

[image 4- "And this disguise... works?" "right? Right?? RIGHT?!?"]

[image 7- "Babysitting isn't in my job description, sir." ("HEY") "Didn't you volunteer to deal with Operative Ritter?"]

[icewindandboringhorror]

a boye whom'st loves to attack paper balls