#trust me i know them personally
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GGY wasn't talking to the second therapist cause he was pissed at how she just casually brought up Vanessa's past trauma in the first session
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I like to think that Vulcans who come to understand that Humans just can’t try to process emotions the same way as them, it’s just healthiest to let it out in harmless ways, decide that venting and stuff should be taken just as seriously as Vulcan’s meditation time, and will encourage the Humans around them to complain about what’s upsetting them
People who are used to aloof Vulcans who avoid Humans at all cost running into one comforting a Human
“-and then they said my cheesecake was subpar, and they didn’t even bring a dish!!!”
“The purpose of this event was that every participant brings a food item of sorts, correct?”
“Yeah!!”
“And they did not follow this rule while insulting dishes that were brought?”
“Mostly just my dish but yeah >:(“
“How illogical”
“That’s what I’m saying!!!”
#star trek#Vulcans#Humans#not based on a specific thing#but I used to know this annoying couple that were ‘family friends’#who would show up to potluck dinners and the like and would either bring nothing or bring something really just. out of left field?#like a bag of frozen chicken to a bbq#and then proceed to make sure they are first even if it was stated to let kids go first#would take HUGE amounts before anyone else got a chance to get a plate#and then make off with the leftovers again even if they were already claimed for#and it wasn’t a food insecurity thing trust me I would never speak bad about a person getting food if that was even a remote chance#the adults who raised us knew them really well and we’d been to their house a ton of times#they were just dicks#and yeah. they’d occasionally insult the food. while eating the MAJORITY of it.#it was so weird at their home they would go out of their way to get the healthiest options possible#you know the really bland tasteless expensive stuff that apparently was healthier#but then if they were visiting our house they would. eat all our unhealthy snacks.#that always pissed me off so much as a kid because we actually had a food insecurity thing going on#and also a variety of other reasons that are a bit too depressing to bring up on this post#but anyways we’d hardly ever get to have nice snacks#and this couple would just take them all??? even after we’d tell them repeatedly that it was ours and those snacks weren’t gonna be#replaced#hated that couple#if you’re wondering why they were ‘family friends’ it’s because the couple who raised us#(it feels weird to type it out like that but apparently legal guardians doesn’t fit since they never finished petitioning 💀)#liked having them around because it made them look like ‘such great Christian’s’ being nice to the people#that no one else wanted to be friends with#I always thought that was a really weird and fucked up reason to be friends with someone#this got long sorry 😭
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"jason is a knockoff watered down percy" NO hear me out, jason actually parallels annabeth immensely, sharing SO many similarities with her personality, not percy, in this essay I will-
edit: my full analysis is out now! here
#just adding that I think jason and annabeth are similar BUT they are SEPARATE characters with separate personalities ❗❗#and i don't think jason is anyone's knockoff!! so don't misunderstand me guys!#trust me ik how it feels like to have jason getting mischaracterized so I would never do that!#when I read about jason the first time I'm like wow he's gentler but similar to annabeth chase wow he could be her twin#they are both genuinely interested in learning stuff. they both mansplain and geek. they are both misunderstood as conceding when they do#they love getting involved in debates and discussions. they both have designed temples assigned to them by the gods themselves#they are both seen as 'scary and intimidating' when they're just softies who need love. they are both overthinkers with too many plans#they are both soft for ppl w silly humor. they both kinda give off an untrustworthy vibe at first bc they know too much info#they are both also pretty suspicious and don't trust immediately. they both love architecture. they both have a 'cold icy' stare#also they're both TALL#I could keep going on and on for ages actually#pjo#pjo fandom#percy jackson#jason grace#pjo series#pjo hoo toa#pjo hoo#annabeth chase
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happy christmas' eve! what r ur blorbos doing.
#troy and abed are cooking. together. trust me.#steve and tony is a complicated one they could either be having morning sex or fighting over breakfast both are equally possible#cas and dean are welcoming sam eileen jack crowley charlie etc etc into their home#trust me i know them personally#azi and crowley are making last minute purchases because they forgot to buy the them presents and they're scared adam will kill them in#their sleep#mine#not to be taken seriously
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Innie Mark would be paranoid meanwhile I know Dylan and Helly would be having the time of their lives
innie mark will never get to smoke weed

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oke it's 5pm and i've been day drinking but come closer. listen to me
i get asked for character writing advice quite a lot and i really don't feel qualified to give any but i have 1 (one) hack for relationship dynamics that hasn't failed me yet and it's the Ikea Test
if you're figuring out how to characterise a relationship (platonic or romantic) and you're struggling: just imagine them having to put together an ikea flatpack and write how it would go
#ramble#you would be Surprised#it's like how you don't fully know an actual person until you have to do some kind of Task with them#i saw another one of these that was 'lost in the woods' theory but this one is more low stakes akdfhdj#who's reading the instructions. who's keeping track of all the pieces. who tossed that one 'useless' extra screw#when it's done is it just 'we built the table today' or is it referred to as the Nordviken Incident forever#who is crying before it's even finished#etc etc#this has worked for every ship i've ever drawn source trust me bro
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Good fucking day, Robot enjoyers! Gaze upon the updated semi-accurate height comparison of Bumblebee across the multiverse.
This is an updated version of a chart I made a few months ago. I had gotten some feedback and then TFOne came out and I kinda had to update it. I also added a Gen 1 Optimus Prime for scale, for fun... no other reason... (edit: slight adjustment made, just corrected a slight mistake in the order)
I am also working on at least two more character charts and one universe chart, so hopefully I can finish those soon (for some fucking genius reason I decided to do the characters that show up EVERY FUCKING UNIVERSE so I'm s u f f e r i n g)
*PST! Optimus, Megatron, Shockwave, Soundwave, Ratchet, and Ironhide ones are done now*
Master Post
Listed Heights, Explanations, and Justifications below the cut, bc you couldn't shut me up if you tried and I had shit to say.
Gen 1 - ~10 feet (TFwiki says greater than 3 meters so I rounded up to the first whole number because round)
Netflix Cybertron Trilogy - ~10 feet (He looks identical to Gen 1 so... the reason his photo looks weird is because I couldn't find a good full body photo with him standing straight up facing the camera so I put two images together to make the worst looking photoshop job you have ever seen)
Earth Spark - ~10 feet (There is no confirmed height yet, but using this screen shot (see below) of him standing in front of a barn door, I was able to make a reasonable guess, bc I'm so smart.)
One V1 - ~13 feet (I am well aware of what the TFWiki says: 26.429 feet. And I fully reject that number. A: These numbers are sourced from the Walmart Promotional AR Experience that came out before the movie. B: There are three decimal points, and that number does not convert into a whole number in meters (which is originally what I thought was weird about it). C: The director has said that this movie is both canon to the LA movies and its own separate canon, and Bumblebee in both sets of LA movies does not exceed 20 feet tall. Ever. So, for sanity's sake, I have used the KCV numbers as my baseline. Bee grows when he gets his t-cog so shrink this one down a few feet. Look, I'm working on the Optimus chart rn, and one of the numbers from Beast Wars on the wiki was very observably wrong, and if I can dispute numbers older than me, I can dispute numbers 2 decades younger than me from fucking Walmart. Also, yes, his picture is 3 images sandwiched together)
Animated - 13 feet 3 Inches (There is no actual given heights, but in the comments of the previous version, @phoenix-inanis told me that they had done their own analysis of TFA heights and, gonna be real with you, I am blown away by all of their work and how detailed it is. Go marvel at how much work they put in -> https://phoenix-inanis.notion.site/TFA-Height-Chart-f6ad2960ca8c4c5b859ee4958723aaa4?pvs=4 )
One V2 - ~15 Feet (Please see reasoning above. Since this is as tall as we see Bee get, he's the same height as KCV Bee. Sweet fuck, I have put way too much effort into this shit)
Knight/Capel-Verse - 15 feet (No actual numbers, but Mirage is stated to be 15 feet tall (TFWiki), and he and Bee are like the same height, so... Capel directed the ROTB movie if you're wondering why his name is there)
Bayverse V1 - 16 feet (TFWiki. This is like the first 3 movies minimum, I don't remember when he hits his growth spurt. Also mr bay is king, we have numbers for nearly every character in BV)
Cyberverse - 18 feet (I'm gonna be honest, the only info we have is from a really shitty screen shot of a magazine. SO if any one has a copy of this book from the video below, a high quality scan would be greatly appreciated and I will kiss the ground you walk upon. Yes I found the video where the screen shot comes from leave me alone)
Bayverse V2 - 18 feet (TFWiki. Movie 4-5 I can't remember which one, I'm not re-looking this up. I fucking love the bayverse tho, this is the only universe with concrete and consistent this-character-is-this-height info)
Aligned Cont. WF/FOC - 20 feet (TFWiki/Fandom. Video game info screens you godsend, kiss me sweetly)
Aligned Cont. TFP/RID15 - 21 feet (These two designs are canonically identical, like in ALC canon, Bee has not changed visually at all...Ok, yes I got this number from fandom and they give literally no source for where they got these numbers. But, I can fully believe these are accurate. Just by looking at these characters on the show I can verify these numbers in my mind. Here, let's Compare.
This is Sam compared to Bee from one of the BV movies, I'm too lazy to check which one. Sam is average size for a human and we know Bee is 16 feet tall in the first three movies. Checks out. Let's now look at a TFP Character who is also 16 feet tall.
Jack is average size for a human, and the size difference is about the same. Can you see why I can't question the Aligned heights, even if they don't have a source??!?! They specifically made this universe to be full of freakishly tall robots for some fucking reason.)
Not Pictured: Aligned Cont. Rescue Bots and Rescue Bots Academy Bumblebee - 21 Feet tall. Look, did you want to see all 5 versions of ALC Bee? No, you don't. They're all the same height anyway; the back row would have just been a wall of redundant yellow. 5 different fucking art styles in one universe, why is that one my favourite.
Here's the front row and the back row separated into their own jpgs. I know it's kind of hard to tell which Bumblebee is which when they're all together.
#i like comparing the universes like pretty rocks#all of them are good but look at them together#If anyone makes a tf/tf crossover thing please let me know I eat that shit up#Transformers Height Charts#personal stuff#aka the adventures of a mother fucker with the power point program#transformers#bumblebee#tf bumblebee#g1 bumblebee#earthspark bumblebee#tf bee#bumblebee 2018#tfo bumblebee#tfa bumblebee#tf one bumblebee#tfp bumblebee#rid15 bumblebee#aligned continuity bumblebee#transformers bumblebee#knightverse bumblebee#wfct bumblebee#wfc bumblebee#macaddam#macadam#bayverse bumblebee#if i hear anything about tfo bee's height i will riot#Those numbers are bullshit and you know it I do not trust them as far as i can throw them
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merlin (immortal) giving arthur (pendragon) the only blade that could kill him
#they make me SICK#i hate them so much#if arthur had found out about his magic earlier and took it poorly…he’d be the only person able to kill him#merlin handing over the sword as a symbol of his utter trust in arthur#god imagine arthur finding out (au everyone lives) and being torn between wanting to cast the sword away but also wanting to keep it on him#he hates the weight of merlins life that now seems attached to the blade#he doesnt want it#but he cant cast it away bc what if someone gets their hands on it?? then merlins life is in their hands#he is BAFFLED that merlin would give HIM - uther pendragons son - the only thing that could kill him#he asks after days of fitful sleep and consideration and merlin is just like#‘its /you/ arthur.’ he says like its painfully obvious#NCJGSKSNSDIBSKSB TEYH MKAE ME VIOELTNT#bbc merlin#merlin emrys#arthur pendragon#excalibur#immortal merlin#merthur#im just thinking of percabeth when percy tells annabeth where his mortal point is and she is the ONLY person who knows#and she has to carry that tidbit of information around like its not the heaviest burden shes ever carried - more so than the sky#that one quote 'love is giving someone the power to destroy you but trusting them not to'#idk you get it#arthur and annabeth being the only people who can destroy the one they love#merlin and percy having unwavering trust and faith in their other half that they place their life in their hands#literally#sorry im done
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thinking about Renee colossally crashing out. one of the upperclassmen walking into a room and noticing her staring out the window with her jaw clenched, her fists balled up with a barely controlled shake, her eyes dark and distant. she doesnt look up at them when they enter, ignoring their chirpy greeting. she opts for the kindest “please leave” that she can muster, but the cracks are there, and it doesn’t feel like Renee behind the words at all. Andrew has no interest in answering when Dan knocks on his door, but then she says “it’s Renee,” and he’s already pushed her out of the way to get to her.
even when Andrew walks in, her composure is in tatters, and she’s quiet when she asks him to leave her alone. but Andrew is Andrew, and he doesn’t, of course he doesn’t. What is it? he asks, but he’s not asking what it’s about. he’s not asking what happened to put her in such a state - he’s asking about the feeling, whether it’s anger or fear that’s taken its hold. she looks at him, and if he weren’t himself, he’d step back, to create distance between the Natalie in her eyes and his body. she asks him again to leave, but he asks her to go somewhere else. she’s holding a cross pendant between her fingers like she’s going to snap it.
#clearing out drafts#where this was going i’m not sure this isn’t GIVING colossal crash out#but i want her to ask him to leave him knives in his dorm because she can’t trust herself not to steal them#one of the guys in the gang got released or something happened to jean or she couldn’t save him and she is so full of anger she doesn’t#know what to do with it#renee screaming at any one that comes near her and smashing things because it’s her god given right to be angry#renee losing her good girl composure because everything she has worked for#to be good to be kind to be a different person#feels like it’s for nothing when SOMETHING happens#renee feeling the anger she’s buried so deep#renee feeling shame for that anger#a spar that turns into a therapeutic getting out of her feelings#that turns into a screaming sobbing mess of a ‘there’s not enough therapy to fix me’ meltdown#‘there’s not enough god to save me’#and she knows it’s not true she loves her faith she loves who she is#but there’s so much past#there’s SO much past behind her#that boils over in an uncontrollable shameful moment for her#idk
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trans!soap taking his baby and running away from his rich abusive husband
(cw angst, financial abuse, single threat of child abuse, single mention of transphobia)
he's owned soap for years, since he was a teenager; paid for his medication and all his surgeries and tied them so deeply, soap’s lost hope of ever getting away. he gets even worse when soap falls pregnant. he was always controlling; blowing up at him if he spent too long out of the house or did something without telling him. but he becomes utterly possessive during the pregnancy
soap knows it has nothing to do with his safety or the baby's
he knows he sees his baby as an investment; another being he can control and hold over him
he gets worse and worse but there’s nothing soap can do. there's been nothing he can do for a long time. then a few months after the baby is born, soap doesn’t watch his tone closely enough and his husband threatens to drop his baby in punishment for it
soap doesn't think. he doesn't plan
he takes his baby and runs
he sneaks out of the servant's quarters of the sterile mansion he's been forced to live in for almost a decade and walks down the street without a backwards glance; his baby the only thing in his arms. he knows all of his husband's cars have trackers, all of them in his name since he never lets soap drive or go anywhere by himself, so he walks far enough to be out of view of the mansion's cameras and steals one. it doesn't have a car seat and all he can do is clutch his baby to his chest as he drives
he doesn't know where he's going beyond away
he doesn't know what he's going to do; he doesn't have any money, no supplies for his baby, he doesn't even have water for himself so he can reliably breastfeed him. he's terrified his husband will find them; he’s always felt omniscient, always everywhere and seeing everything he did. if he didn’t have eyes somewhere, he paid someone who did and they always dutifully reported back to him
soap just keeps his eyes forward. just keeps driving and driving, lost to the road and numb until the low gas light pops up on the dash and it all hits him at once
he turns into a gas station he can't pay for, in a car he stole, and parks behind it and his baby immediately starts getting fussy
he can't even call him by his name sometimes; too afraid to get attached, too afraid to lose him. as if he doesn’t love him more than life itself
even throughout his pregnancy, as happy as he was to finally have a baby, he didn't know if he could carry to term and that fear just let his husband dig his claws in even deeper; paying for extra scans he could never hope to pay for, favours on top of favours so he would aways owe him and isn’t he such a loving husband? taking soap in when his parents kicked him out for being trans, looking after him for all these years? you can’t even take care of yourself john, you’d still be a woman without me, john, what is this tantrum about john-
soap tugs his shirt up to let his baby feed, drops his head back and cries
he can't stop it; wails loud and uncontrolled, chest heaving with his sobs enough that it sways his baby, occasionally breaking his latch and he can't even do this right-
he can't save him
a light knock sounds on the window and soap flinches, curling over his baby to protect him from his huband's cruel hands
but it's not his husband outside the window
soap blinks tears from his eyes and looks at the large stranger standing beside the car. a neck gaiter covers his mouth and it should be off-putting… but something about him stops the feeling in its tracks. the stranger takes a half-step back and lifts a chilled and sealed water bottle, pressing it towards the window
soap quickly swipes his face clean and rolls down the window. "sorry 'bout that," he apologises with a choked laugh, the careful front he’s built over the years cracked and bleeding
the stranger gives a dismissive but somehow not diminishing shrug. "long day?" he asks
"could say that," he gives a shrug of his own and pats his baby's back as he makes a disgruntled noise, unconsciously swaying him
he politely keeps his gaze up on his face. "looks like you could use a break."
soap's breath hitches, anxiously darting his tongue out over his bottom lip. "could say that," he repeats uselessly and takes the water with a quiet “thanks,”; his throat dry and screaming for it after crying so hard
the stranger hums, watching him down the bottle and soap doesn’t notice his eyes drifting to the backseat and footwell of the passenger side. doesn’t notice the slight tension in his fists at what he sees. "how long you been runnin', lad?"
soap freezes, the water settling in his stomach like a stone. he swallows thickly and the bottle falls from his lips
"not long enough."
the stranger just nods, looking idly back down the highway
"you know, this place is connected to a garage,” he starts, nodding back to a building attached to the station without taking his eyes off the road. “lotta people drift through 'ere on road trips; too many to keep track.”
soap frowns slightly, shifting his hold on his baby
“funny thing is, plenty of 'em just abandon their car when they break down. like yours,” he adds and finally turns back to him with a pointed look. “got a whole junkyard of 'em. just rustin' away. be pretty easy to convince me to trade ya one."
soap’s mouth parts in a gasp as he realises just what the stranger’s saying. "how easy?" he whispers
he shrugs and even with his face hidden beneath the gaiter, he doesn’t feel afraid. "i'd say this car'd be a good deal. would blend right in with the rest of ‘em; no one’d ever notice it. what say i take it off your hands?"
soap's breath shudders out of him, his whole body going limp with relief. his baby's eyes fall shut with a satisfied hum and for the first time he can remember, he feels the gentle touch of hope
"i think we can work something out."
🧼💀
ghost owns the service station soap pulled into. he wanted something quiet and isolated after he retired and you can’t get much quieter than a backwoods servo surrounded by forest. he hasn’t had anyone pull in in days so he’s quick to notice soap’s car. he’s also quick to notice soap's subsequent breakdown in one of the cameras. the sight of him crying, desperately clutching a baby like they’re all he has left in the world, is so familiar he felt sick with it
he knows someone running when he sees it
if he didn't check on him, if this lad disappeared one day and the baby along with him, he'd never forgive himself. the lad doesn't even have a baby bag or car seat with him, and the personalised sticker on the back window of a lady and a dog is a dead giveaway that the car is stolen
but the lad is terrified. and when he startled him, he didn't turn. didn’t lift his arms to protect himself. no
he covered his baby
like he was afraid he'd be hurt
that's enough for ghost
🧼💀
i'd wanna set this in the 80's or 90's, just to make it even harder for soap to get away from his husband. he's a trans man with a newborn; he has no one to run to and no resources to help him. his husband's bought and paid for everything for him since he was 17; a few whirlwind weeks of unbelievable dates and extravagant gifts and he was living in his mansion, getting married the day after his 18th birthday. he thought it was love. thought he was being looked after and cared for the way he’s always wanted
he was in pain and alone and naive enough to believe the first person who came along and promised to make it better. nothing's in his name, not his insurance or his meds, he doesn’t have a bank account or savings; other than a birth certificate, nothing even ties him to his baby. his husband could take his world away from him with a snap of his fingers and he made sure soap always knew it
he never had a chance of getting away
but ghost is ex-military
he doesn’t know the lad’s story, doesn’t know the details of what he’s running from. he doesn’t need to know
he decided he was helping him the second he pulled into his service station
#what up i had a nightmare about an eldritch horror trying to steal my baby and john mcclane from die hard shooting it to protect me#i woke up freaked out and decided to torment soap with it to feel better#thats literally the only reason this exists#that and the thought of soaps super hairy chest but thats besides the point#anyway#i was going to have ghost be a drifter after retiring but i like the idea of him being the unlikely safe person living out in the woods#ghost moves soap into the little one bedroom cabin he built behind the station#its hidden by the trees and kept warm by a fire. he gives soap and the baby the bedroom and sleeps out in the living room#he keeps watch out the window for whoevers after soap#he doesnt find out who it is for a while; soaps been burned and reluctant to trust anyone#but they gradually heal each other; ghost gives soap someone to trust and soap helps ghost heal his truma by giving him someone he can save#soap starts to work in the service station despite ghost telling him he doesnt need to but he wants his independence back#he finds he likes working and ghost cant take that from him when hes so obviously happy cleaning and shelving stock#soaps husband comes looking for him but ghost still has his contacts and calls a whole militia down on his head#each one of them with favours in the government if not outright political immunity; money means nothing in the face of them#they just threaten him; lets him know soap is protected now#at least; thats what ghost tells soap 😉#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#we’re a team. ghost team#ghostsoap#soapghost#ghoap#john soap mactavish#soap cod#simon ghost riley#ghost cod#save post
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rereading system collapse is so funny because murderbot's humans (and its asshole research transport) are like. illogically protective of it. some variation of this interaction happens like four times in fifty pages:
murderbot, standing around and stalling, having a mental breakdown: come on murderbot you gotta be better than this you can't just be having [redacted] do your JOB
ratthi/iris, who know this, distracting it: do those hatches look weird to you? those hatches look weird to me. murderbot, based on your thousands of hours of media consumption, do those hatches look weird to you?
and then to make it worse, feat. poor tarik:
tarik, on a high-stakes mission spearheaded by a secunit who is sending absolutely zero information back to the rest of the crew: ? status update?
iris/ratthi/art-drone, pulling out knives (/bombs): hey tarik? can you leave our murderbot alone? that's our specialest little secunit? it's got anxiety and it's doing its best so fuck off?
and then they start verbally stabbing him.
the amount of glee these scenes give me. i genuinely forgot how quickly they all rally around murderbot. and then there was that scene where murderbot went oh no, was tarik security, i don't want to take his job, and art-drone was like that was NOT his job he was NOT security and actually fuck that guy and YOU are security for my crew and if anything ever happened to you i would BOMB A PLANET
#mb#mb reread#seren's mb reread#the murderbot diaries#yes i am counting iris as one of murderbot's humans.#like objectively. to be fair. tarik is correct. murderbot never communciates and like#it kinda needs to.#but the way iris and art and ratthi DESCENDED ON THIS MAN#'wow i didn't realize you were a micromanager!' says iris :) smiling :)#like damn okay leave a body at least#and then there was a throwaway line#(not really throwaway. so many fascinating character interactions happen in passing. but you know what i mean)#(it's martha wells)#that talked about mensah and art...maybe mensah telling art to give it space?#this is why i need a PHYSICAL BOOK i can't remember#it was something like art and mensah conferring about how to help secunit#cannot for the life of me remember what about but i am just.#art and mensah!#and the way iris reminds murderbot of mensah constantly ough ough oof ouch it's so good#pov you abduct your friend in a last-ditch effort to save the people you love#and that person helps you save them but it's kind of awkward and only trusts like four people and then one of those four people meet you#so you clean your whole fucking house and yell at your roommates about cleaning up BETTER because we have to make a GOOD FIRST IMPRESSION#and then you and the person it trusts become besties and conspire on how best to support and love it in a way it'll accept.#end rant#very good book. tldr: very good very funny book
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avenging spider-man #13
#good bedside manner: check your buddy is okay after you impaled him with a katana.#spideypool#not me. feral spideypooler. thinking it is so nice that peter asks wade if he's okay.#he has a healing factor. most people wouldn't ask if he's okay. but peter asks. and that's nice.#sci talks comics#i just really like these issues. i love how quick the flip is between wade having been hired to work against spider-man#to them just working together. and they're both so groovy about it.#like i don't know i really like that dynamic.#that peter doesn't see wade as a real actual threat to him at any time.#knows in his Core that wade actually never means him harm. i like to see that strange weird trust between them.#you never see that anywhere else.#just i REALLY like their dynamic HERE !!#yes i AM reading way too much into it !! but shut up!1 i based my entire personality on these two issues of avenging spider-man!!
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I've been doing a lot of reflection as of late, especially after this past class.
This past class was about the Torah and Tanakh in general, and the way the rabbi talked about the commandments (specifically the ten commandments) has made me really reflect on how I interpret them, specifically the fifth commandment, or honoring your mother and father.
This is a commandment I have wrestled with for a long time - in fact, it brought me away from g-d at multiple times. I was severely abused when I was incredibly young by my mother, and I used to feel insulted at the implication that I were to honor her while she got to live a better life. It was hypocritical, in my eyes.
But this rabbi surmised that this particular commandment was because parenthood is an act of creation, something that is like the g-d from which we come from. My realization is this: I don't think we're necessarily meant to take even these commandments literally.
I this particular commandment is more of a call to honor creation - creation is a gift, and like any gift, many people simply will not like it and will discard it. The person who abused me created me, but she did not honor creation. She didn't honor me, but I can still honor it.
I have started to honor creation much more. I'm too young, too unstable, not mature enough to be a father (though I fantasize about it), but I create all the time. I create relationships, I create with my hands through crochet. I create memories, I create my world. And I can honor who I am and where I came from that made me who I am. I've been learning one of the mother tongues of my family (Italian, since part of my family originates there) and it was judaism that inspired me to do this.
I don't think g-d wants me to honor my abuser. I think He wants me to remember the Holy action of creation. When I am a father, that act of creation will be Holy, and indeed, I am already joyful about the thought.
I have seen many people struggle with this particular commandment, but I think this perspective helps me personally. I don't think I ever have to forgive my abusers (plural), and I don't think I am commanded to simply because they happened to be family. I am commanded to recognize the holy, to elevate the mundane. In doing so, I will remember g-d. Through creation, I honor g-d and everything he has done for us, for me, and for our collective people.
#jumblr#jew by choice#jewish conversion#personal thoughts tag#abuse tw#i am not sharing this for the sake of pity and i also ask not to be told to divulge my abuse story. that isn't relevant#i have been needing to engage with this topic for a long time though and judaism has helped me a bit in navigating healing#but i decided to share this publicly in the hopes it will help other survivors specifically of familial/parental abuse#i know how it feels (in general). it's so lonely and you can really harbor (understandable) baggage about this particular commandment#i have a meeting with My Rabbi (sponsoring rabbi) and i might bring this up. we've only spoken once face-to-face (zoom)#so that might be really Intense to bring up to him but he is very kind and i trust him (which is why he is My Rabbi)#and he has already told me that he WANTS me to wrestle with g-d and His word *with* him#again i am posting this publicly so i can document my thoughts and keep them straight but also with the hope it MIGHT help others#if it even *casually* inspires another survivor i will feel so grateful (though it is THEIR achievement and not mine to claim)#i want us to survive. i want us to eat well. i want us to smile#i will say that this must be a very sudden whiplash in tone from my last post about sex. from sex to awful horrific abuse#my stream of consciousness is just Like This though in the sense that i have very sudden realizations and tonal whiplashes#so you're just getting a very frank look into how my brain is structured and what my brain thinks are important enough to think about#if i seem much more verbose it's because i needed to write this on my laptop which makes typing and more importantly yapping even *easier*
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I know some people aren't fans of really domestic jayroy, but for me it's getting even more desirable, especially because of what happens in Gotham War.
Because I know nothing more ironically comical than Jason being actually very capable of just living a normal domestic life, and it's purely because the people he is living that life with are people who are not constantly antagonizing him.
#not that it would be good enough for some (you know who)#because jason is still killing people when he deems it necessary#but just him being accepted as he is and actually personally healing in that kind of environment is really important to me#because having people around you that are actually able to trust you and you them in everything#and who don't constantly criticise you as a baseline#is what makes you stable enough to heal#who would've thought#tho idk from what I've read again. I don't think it really matters to you know who if jason is actually healing and feeling better#what matters is that he does as he is told#sorry for being critical yet again but it really does come across to me like that#dc#jason todd#jayroy
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so uhhhhhhhh. not to be cryptic and bitchy on main but congratulations to everyone in my messages for like 5 months on being right i guess
#ramble#ughhhhhhhhhhhh ok so#i will delete this later bc idk if this person has tumblr and i genuinely mean no ill will i just need an outside opinion#i vented about it on my close friends story already but i need like. a neutral party#i won't say their name but if you're on other socials you probably know who it is#basically for a while i've been getting messages saying 'this person has hacked your art style' or 'is REDACTED your alt account'#and in the beginning there were like. similarities? but nothing i could really claim and also i don't want to accuse someone of theft#like i don't own any stylistic choices or anything. i've used things from other artists i like. honestly it's kind of flattering#and we are actually really friendly in DMs now and we even joke about it. we message eachother any time we get a comment about it#i made a joke literally 2 weeks ago about how we're two different people i swear#but after adding some Very specific things to my art (like the paper texture/hatching/shiny lighting). they also added them#and i gave them the benefit of the doubt bc i don't like to believe anyone has bad intent with stuff like that. and i've done the same obvs#but recently they dropped some tav lore and it was. basically a panel for panel copy of one of my cyra comics down to the HAND PLACEMENT#and obviously i don't own the Bitch Mother trope or anything but it's just. mmmmm it makes me feel weird#idk it just feels like it's gone a bit far now and i'm not sure what to do about it#like you would think after we became moots they would get scared and stop but i think i was too openly trusting and they just kept going#recently someone on THEIR PATREON thought they were me and they weren't even one of mine (which by itself is funny but. y'know)#i don't want to call anyone out or upset anyone bc it only causes more problems but like. i Know. and idk if they should know that i know#maybe i'm just stupid idk i really trusted that it wasn't happening but it is and i don't know how to feel#hONESTLY I'M JUST MAD THAT I CAN'T DO ANY MORE CYRA LORE NOW BC PEOPLE ARE GOING TO ACCUSE **ME**#also PLEASE do not witch hunt this person i want to deal with this as quietly as possible#i really felt like i was in the twilight zone or just being paranoid so i had to ask
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I’d love to know why Louis is ONCE AGAUN forced to stunt! WTF! Why?!!!
I understand your frustration but this is sadly the reality for a lot of closeted people in the industry. And if you look at what happens in the US and so many other countries at the moment, I think it's really clear why Louis and Harry decide to stay in the closet for now, and stunting to appear straight is part of that.
And as much as a lot of us hate it, it's a big part of the industry in general too. Not only for queer people, a lot of stars use this for several different reasons, mostly to promote a project of theirs, stay relevant and create stories that will keep their names in the press.
Apart from that I don't really see Louis or Harry being forced to do it anymore. If they are stunting now, it's definitely something they agreed on. And that doesn't mean that it's their fault, it means I think they have more ability to have a say in things since they started their solo careers.
If you want to read more about why so many stars including HL do stunts you can look through my hashtags PR STUNTS, LOUIS' CAREER and MUSIC INDUSTRY. And I also recommend reading these posts here and here.
@daisiesonafield-blog has a lot of information on her blog too, it's very organized if you go there on web.
#nonny maybe you can try and change your perspective on things. I personally don't expect anything from the boys because they simply don't#owe me anything.#And I trust that HL will make the right decisions for themselves and their relationship. We see so little of what goes on bts#it's impossible to know all the reasons why one of them decided to stunt again.#So I just try and go with the flow and enjoy the positive and fun things in here. For example with this stunt I focus on#what that could mean for lt3. If that's the reason that he's stunting now- how gay is it going to be? I can't wait to hear it#so when a stunt happens I'm not that bothered and just wait it out. It's not even that much of their time that goes into a stunt#And It's definitely not as much time of their lives as the media tries to make it look like#The only thing that makes me still a bit uncomfortable is them kissing stunts because I know that#it puts them in a very vulnerable position. But if I get overwhelmed I just take a break.#The fandom isn't going anywhere and it's still going to be here when I feel ready to come back#mcdomlinson stunt#pr stunts#music industry#louis’ career#nonny#answered
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