#truly the worst kinds of people hang out there and just say and do whatever with no moderation on the site's behalf

[tieflingbi]

literally every time i hear of something that is "happening on tiktok" it's the worst fucking trend imaginable where clearly nobody ever stopped to think critically about it for even just a second and my life would have always been better not hearing about it like. ever

[itsybitsylemonsqueezy]

Wow, my Baldur's Gate 3 post blew up somewhat... nice. Well, time for more headcanons, of the unapologetically horny variety. (Yes, yes, I know everyone and their mother has done this already, well here's mine. Nyeh.)

Including: Astarion, The Emperor, Gale, Halsin, Jaheira, Karlach, Lae'zel, Raphael, Shadowheart, Wyll, and Zevlor

Tumblr is run by unfun prudes who would like my 30-year-old thoughts to remain Chaste and Pristine™ so filth under the cut until they ban me or whatever

Astarion

So the truly hilarious thing about Astarion is that he claims to be a pillow princess, but is almost always a dom. Like, I find it very funny that he enjoys the Aesthetics™ of being a spoiled brat, too delicate and pampered to lift a finger, but in reality, he's a bit of a work horse who finds having nothing to do dull as rocks.

Not to say that he doesn't enjoy receiving, I fully believe he does, but I think it's mostly relaxing at best and dissociative at worst. We'll assume though he's with a trusted partner for now though, rather than deal with the Hang Ups. I think inevitably he'd eventually roll over and change positions and end up in charge. I think it's an undeniable itch for him, even when he's being treated very well. There's just something so enthralling and exciting about being in control and playing with someone. It gives him a satisfying challenge the way being a pillow princess doesn't.

I think sex is particularly about aesthetics for Astarion as well. Bondage, costume, the art and immersion of it would be appealing. Role play would naturally extend out of this, especially as a safe outlet for some of his more complicated feelings. Succeeding at multiple layers of social interaction and intimacy would be extremely rewarding for him, I think.

He's also a very giving lover. I'm not sure praise would quite do it for him, that's not exactly his build. The submission though... oh yes, that does wonders. And he's very keen to reward that submission with nice things, sweet things, unbearably sweet, more than you can take... that's the kind of torture he's into, whining, begging, pleading, from the too muchness of it all, from how good he's being to you... mmm, yes, that's the stuff. It's soothing to understand you can be in control and not hurt people, to know that the control is not corruptive, not a bad thing in itself. I think it'd do a lot for his confidence and self-image.

Also, very into feeding as a sexual thing. He is a hedonist after all, more pleasure is more pleasure.

(The) Emperor

Hey, haters to the left, please. We believe in free love here and that includes the tentacle-y kind.

Look, okay, the dude comes on... strong. Too strong, to be honest. A little overly possessive, overly needy, but there is a hot, sweet core in there. And with a little patience, time, and reassurance, that can be honed into a respectful balance. If you can be patient and take your time, you can help him understand that he doesn't need to be in your every thought or be constantly touching to still have a deep bond. Do gotta watch those tendencies though.

That said, tentacles are a gift! Strong, dexterous, perfect for holding, squeezing, manipulating, and of course, inserting. It's hard to imagine a more intuitive metaphor for desire than tentacles, constantly grasping as they are. And boy, the Emperor wants. Also potentially has some experience using these, probably has a fair idea of how to make this good for both of you, so a pretty good bonus there.

While the Emperor tends to think he knows best and never enters anything without a plan, I think he'd be willing to take instruction. Your pleasure would be a point of pride so if something could be going better, I think he'd listen. Communication reaffirms trust after all. It's no dishonor to be spoken to or even commanded.

Honestly not sure illithid experience pleasure outside of making you orgasm and just like voyeuring or skimming the pleasure off your brain, so it's probably all about you here. Which also means we're probably not looking at marathon sessions; it'll be just the right amount of attention to a big, satisfying orgasm and then warm, languid rest. But the trick is, you're not going to get any gentle, casual encounters. His focus is unparalleled so it's very hard to back off of 100. That's fun, but can be exhausting, especially if you like a bit of variety.

Gale

Sometimes it's hard to see what Mystra saw in Gale; other times it's blinding. He's the most self-congratulating, infuriating, annoying bastard you know and he's also, somehow, perfect. What the fuck. The basic problem with Gale is that he'll tell you, to your face, that he fucked a goddess and when and where and how and the worst thing of all is he's not lying; he's actually good.

Gale has the enviable qualities of simultaneously being very laid back and very enthusiastic. He's happy with whatever position you suggest and is just thrilled to be invited. Throws himself into whatever's on the table.

Not to say that he doesn't have ideas, god, but he never shuts up about his ideas. And they're all, frustratingly, really good ideas too! "Oh, well I thought since we're in the hot tub, a little ice in my fingertips might be electrifying." "Have you considered the effects of shifting local gravity so you could ride me longer?" "I've taken the liberty of enchanting your dildo so you can feel it when you peg me!" God, don't you just hate him for being right all the time?

And to make matters worse, the stupid prick is full of wondering adoration for you, always trying to give you the best time possible, the best time ever. And he cares So Much he even notices if The Most Sensations Ever isn't the right thing right now and adjusts. He's just as happy to sit and cuddle or read next to each other. Ugh, disgusting. It's like someone made him in the Best Lover Conceivable factory and blew the whole budget on just him! Like, why Mystra gotta ruin the dating scene like that?!

Trouble is, he's obsessively good at doing exactly what you want because he was groomed by a goddess so... 😬 Sometimes you have to remind him he's enough. Sometimes you have to let him know that he isn't as good as what he could do for others, that he was already good, just on his own. Sometimes you gotta take care of him because he won't remember and he won't realize. And he might pout and object, but he deserves a good time too. Not that he wasn't having a good time but... you know what I mean. Let him be the focus.

Gale's very into attention and a slow, sweet time. Work him up painstakingly, bring him to the edge of begging, tell him what a good boy he is. He'll be crying with pleasure. Don't let him rush, rushing is a cheap shortcut and it means he doesn't have to endure being adored just as much as he adores you. It's the only time he'll ever be shy, having to accept love. But this should also, of course, always be paired with letting him reciprocate. One-sided affection or interaction would be torture for the poor boy. He wants so badly to be good, but gotta temper that a bit with reminding him he already is.

Halsin

Oakfather giving Mystra a run for her mother for "ruining the dating scene" with this one. Only The Oakfather went "thicc whores only" and the world cried amen for we were blessed.

What can we say about this polyamorous icon that hasn't already been said? Well, perhaps counter to some above examples, Halsin blessedly doesn't have to be at 110% all the time. Having a soft time is just as good as a rough ride. Although... we all know you're getting more of the latter on average, right?

The nice thing about Halsin is you don't have to worry about him denying himself or doing things just because he thinks you want them; he's a master of balance. He absolutely has his own personal, selfish desires and he knows how to serve them in turn. There's something refreshingly organic about Halsin's attraction, he's into you for perceptible maybe even measurable reasons, you don't have to worry about what's going on in that beautiful head of his so much.

A lot of energy in this one though, gotta be aware of that appetite. But hey, if you're into Halsin, you're probably open to maybe a couple more partners, together or separately. Halsin is certainly down for all of those combos.

Very generous lover, not satisfied until you say so. Down for any length of time, any position, but he strikes me as a man who's not into a lot of frills. Sex is about the physical pleasure, those animalistic instincts, and the kinetic energy between people being used and blended to create something more, something almost beyond us. A lot of artifice and dressing up wouldn't make a lot of sense to him and he's not likely to get much out of it. Don't think he'd yuck your yum, but unlikely to participate himself.

Might even prefer multiple partners at once and the longer the session the better. Short sessions are possible, but he's not going to enjoy it as much unless he can get really into the rhythm of it. Again, it's about balancing the energy, which often involves a bit of warm up and getting into the groove to truly satisfy. If one partner, high energy is best if possible. Come in with some goals in mind or you might get overwhelmed. Wouldn't be surprised if sometimes Halsin doesn't come at all due to his unreal stamina and thresholds.

Can't think of a better teacher to help you try something new though. Patient, kind, thoughtful with feedback from long experience. And he's incredibly appreciative of the unique skills every person has, the things only they bring are always valuable to him, something to be cherished and enjoyed. One of the few people who can be instructive, encouraging, and erotic all at the same time. It's a rare breed.

Jaheira

I'd let Mama Harper boss me around any day. And she is decidedly the boss, she's been giving orders since before I was born and that isn't about to change. Strong dom MILF energy here. And she definitely knows what she wants so those orders are going to be clear and consistent.

I don't think the strap is her preference, but I don't think she'd be opposed. But as another druid, I think she likes to go in bare handed, as it were. And, to be fair, she doesn't need help, I've seen those hands work a lash. She's strong and flexible, whatever you ask for she can give. She seems to have less in the raw energy department than Halsin, but I'll chalk that up to not being chief. I think it would take awhile to wear her down though, can't take her for fast or easy. Just like Halsin, I bet she prefers longer sessions to shorter, but would probably be a bit more flexible on this.

I think her real specialty is probably ropes, any kind of bondage. And she seems keen to teach the uninitiated, to make it not scary and safe. Her argument being the restraint in and of itself heightens the pleasure, why not try it? Not a bad argument.

She also probably enjoys herself most getting a work out in. She can be gentle for you, but her own pleasure is found in conquering, mastering. A test of strength or wills would probably be called for here. Tbh, I can't imagine her being that interested until you can prove you're a match for her in some way. Not terribly interested in coddling.

Karlach

Oh, a goddess among mere mortals. Those tits, that ass! She could break me in half and I would thank her, crying tears of joy. Karlach deserves every happiness on earth. Karlach is maybe the most enthusiastic person here, and that's saying something. The feeling of being close to others, but specifically sex, is such an important love language to Karlach. She has high physical needs and so is very excited and very determined to make you have as good a time as she is having. Unfortunately, sometimes this has a spiraling effect that results in questions like "how many orgasms is too many orgasms?" She just gets carried away, poor thing. But, nonetheless, as addictive as a good time is, you'll probably run out of stamina before she does. Though I bet she'd still keep going past the point of discomfort for herself, just because she's so excited and in love and bursting with joy and energy. It's hard to stop when there's so much you want to say and do and experience. Especially after being restrained so long.

On that topic, bondage probably not a good fit here. Anything that prevents touch for her is not really going to be her thing.

On the flip side, there is no such thing as too much, too hard, too long. I cannot imagine someone more eager to gobble you up, to taste you everywhere, to squeeze you close and shudder and gasp until your sweat smells the same. Like... she is here for this, she is into it. And she'll intuitively go for whatever is going to be more tactile, more of your touch and your body on hers. But also more scent, more excitement. She's going to respond like lightning to any little squeak or shiver to get any reaction out of you. She's so hungry for it.

And she's had a lot of time to think of ideas so you won't run dry on creativity for a good long while. Also important to note, she's only going to be a fast draw in the early days when everything is so urgent. She will slow down in time, though I think she'll end up running faster and hotter than most here. Her appetite is strong, but her stamina is actually on the low side. So more orgasms, but less space between them. Over stimulation is going to be huge here.

Not sure she has the patience for role play or anything fancy. This is not to say she isn't vocal she is... very vocal. Constantly. But that's quite affirming. And I think she'd be pretty into displays, perhaps even a bit of exhibitionism. After all, voyeurism/exhibitionism is all she had for awhile, so I suspect that would carry over into now. I think in particular she'd like to show you off, since she has a keen understanding of the eroticism of visuals. Not everyone's cup of tea of course, and she doesn't have to, but she just gets excited and proud. This makes her feel so good she can't help wanting to shout about it.

All of this said, she's also probably the most attentive in safety and aftercare. Halsin is a safety nut as well, but Karlach absolutely dotes. She wants to make sure she didn't hurt you or wear you out in any way and so will make extra, extra sure any little need is taken care of.

Lae'zel

Lae'zel's pussy could kill a man, in fact, it probably has. Not the most romantic of our choices, at least at first, but vigorous, satisfying, honestly intimidating. But, sex is very accessible with Lae'zel. Sex is part of communion for her, but in a different way than Halsin. It's exercise and contest and entertainment and group cohesion all in one. For these reasons, she's not as intimidating as you'd expect because just you saying yes to her pleases her. If she's invited you, that means she's already judged you worthy. She's not going to be upset when giving pointers because she has no hang ups about how sex is supposed to work. She doesn't expect you to read her mind and would probably be mad if you tried. Clear communication is part of this and you already earned the trust for it.

And on the flip side, she will not be distressed by you stating your desires because she's also not trying to read your mind. She wants you to trust her enough to say what you want. Honestly, she's probably a good starting place for virgins, her openness would be soothing. She might even have the patience to instruct, though she's not a terribly patient woman in general.

Also, not to bury it, Lae'zel just likes sex, the sweat, the scents, the weird, sticky feelings of it, the shivering glow through the body. Sex is fun for her and that's obvious in her vocalizations, both articulated words and not. And she knows that the more times you have sex with the same partner, the easier it gets, the more enjoyable it is. I think she'd like watching that progress, like a good team coming together. It's a sign of trust and affection. And in time, if she comes to trust you a lot, the sex becomes even more intimate and vulnerable, as you start to trust each other experimenting, going by instinct rather than plan. Those little shifts would be thrilling for her as she learns to improvise and accept new ideas. Surprising her would be delightful because she always thinks she has the upper hand. How fun to show her that's not always the case.

Lae'zel is a dom more out of necessity than desire, I think. She's probably a switch, happy with whatever suits; she just ends up doming a lot because no one has earned her subbing/she doesn't trust enough yet. But taking turns would also be valuable team building for her, important everyone trains even the skills they're weak at. Together, we become better at sex and at understanding each other. Weirdly, a very emotionally healthy outlook.

Raphael

I think I feel about Raphael as others feel about Enver Gortash. I want to project every flithy, nasty ass thought onto this wet rag of a man. So, without further ado: humiliation is the name of the game. I think if you fucked Haarlep in front of him, binding him so he couldn't do anything, only watch as Haarlep groans about how much better you are than Raphael, I think he'd come in his over-tailored pants. Cuckold the shit out of him. I think he needs to be stepped on, pegged, and drooling in the street. Never let him have his own way. I think he'd see stars getting pushed around like that. I think it would be great for him. Just use him like a cock sleeve, really dig in there. Absolutely deserved.

Like, imagine if this whole thing is his cringefail attempt to court Zariel. Imagine that level of humiliation. Works on this for thousands of years, only to burn his own house down over a few puny mortals stealing his shit. Oh my goddddd.

If nothing else, it would be Fucking Hilarious.

Shadowheart

So Shadowheart is probably into some hardcore stuff, right? She strikes me as someone with a bit of a home invasion kink. Definitely here for the blindfold/sensory deprivation kink. Restraints, but not just bondage, I'm thinking vinyl suits. Shadowheart's definitely into the unconventional. The more toys and artifice, the better.

It's probably next to impossible for Shadowheart to relax sexually. I don't think it's that she isn't into sex, but it's probably difficult for her to calm down and feel safe being vulnerable, get in touch with soft, gentle things that are just nice. Things that hurt a bit are more comfortable, more familiar, and even have less to do with her personally so she doesn't have to deal with her own feelings and preferences. But, with a bit of patience and a firm hand, you could coax Shadowheart into easing up, allowing herself to be taken care of, and to enjoy just a simple hand job or the too soft touch of lips. She's a bit of a project, but especially if you enjoy a bit of darkness and danger, very rewarding.

And Shadowheart would be big into reciprocation, you can't do something nice for her without her doing the same to you. And she'd take it as a point of pride that she's very good at making people beg for mercy. I think she'd become very giving over time, if you can be patient and teach her how to enjoy herself, in time she will give as much and more back to you.

And to be clear, not suggesting she doesn't also and always enjoy a bit of bondage and sensory deprivation, but I think she'd enjoy it more once she's come to terms with the fact this is not a service she's required to provide, an act which could determine her worth, but just occupations she enjoys for herself, outside of external validation. Teaching Shadowheart to masturbate could be huge. I do worry about her some times. A little self-love lessons might be necessary.

Edging also definitely something to try here. The slower the better. But, it's gotta have that pay off, or she'll start circling back to denial is the end in itself. Which... maybe sometimes, but there's also a lot to be enjoyed in the climax too!

Wyll

Hard to find a sweeter, gentler soul on the road. And a softer touch too. Needless to say, it's a lot of firsts with Wyll. But, he's a quick study and enjoys being tender and lovely. And I'll say it right now, even with this illustrious company, I don't think anyone gives better head than Wyll Ravenguard. Such a soft mouth and singularly focused and determined, he genuinely enjoys it too. It's such an act of service and this boy is all about acts of service. He wouldn't even get distracted by his own pleasure, just entirely focused on what he can give you. Halsin might have greater skill, but that heartfelt desire is unparalleled.

Wyll is made to be commanded, he will do whatever you say in bed. Even if you gave him control, I'm not sure he'd want it and definitely wouldn't know what to do with it. Now, not to say he's a pillow princess, those hips are doing their share of heavy lifting. Just to say that he wants instruction, he wants to follow your lead and let you tell him what to do. Praise would be huge here, tell him what a good boy he is, how well he's doing, he'd go mad.

To prolong the pleasure, a little orgasm denial may be useful, make him work for it. He loves a challenge and a test to prove his worthiness. And, in time, you could get experimental with him as you build his confidence. Maybe a little exhibitionism. Maybe a little bondage, a little role play. As long as the trust and love is there, Wyll's willing to try anything once.

Maybe the most fun thing about Wyll is Wyll actually can keep it down. Some of us just have to scream about it, but Wyll can actually get away with a fair mount because of his cool exterior. And Wyll is available for quickies, an advantage over some others here since he doesn't require a huge amount of energy set aside to have a good time. Wyll responds better to smaller but frequent affection and physical touch than big events spaced out. And Wyll is impulsively romantic, he likes to surprise with fun ideas and sudden invitations, which is a reward unto itself.

Zevlor

And a win for Team Sexualizing Old Men! I remember my roots. It is truly a tragedy that Larian won't let me sex up that old man. Look at him, you know it'd be good. So tender, so thorough. And Zevlor deserves something nice god damn it.

You know he knows what he's about. None of that shy, awkward fumbling you get with the new kids. Heck, he probably knows how to get you off standing against a wall, still in his armor! A true prince among men here. Don't think because no one's asked in awhile his skills have diminished.

Very passable oral skills, surprisingly long stamina, not just in oral too ;). Not the fastest ride you'll ever have and some positions are probably going to be out, battle-scarred knees and such, but for my money, absolutely delightful. Don't have to contend with more power than sense here.

And hey, if you want some Honorable Mentions like Aylin, Enver Gortash, or Dammon, let me know! I'm always down to give sexual headcanons no one wanted! 

[nyrasbloodyclover]

hypnotic (kai anderson x reader)

cw: breeding kink, eating disorder (it's really really bad), mommy issues, mentions of suicide, parental abuse, cults, kai is his own warning really, murder, overstimulation

a/n: if you're not into this pleaseeeee leaveeeeee i don't want tumblr to delete my blog again. also you can read this fic on ao3 if you'd like, link is in my pinned post. and if, by any chance, you relate to this i am so sorry.

What I wanted right now, was to get out of my house, go anywhere, just so I could stop listening to constant fighting and screaming from my parents. I couldn't bear it anymore. I had one year until college but it seemed impossible to survive that long. 

"Oh, look who locked herself in her room!" My mother bursted in and a pit started forming in my stomach. I didn't move. "When are you going to start being useful? You're in here all the time, you could start paying rent." 

Now, what was I supposed to say to that? If I told her that the reason I spent all my time in my room was because they wouldn't stop screaming at each other and I would just be their punching bag, she wouldn't listen and the situation would only get worse.

"Or maybe it's time for you to find a job. Now you're just living like a parasite." I stared. My mother was a very complex character. I think she would be capable of pulling Gone Girl on us. She has the mentality. Just saying.

My father on the other hand, he's weak. Or she made him weak. I don't remember the last time he stood up for himself. He's tired, I can see that clearly. I just wish they would get a divorce. It's so draining to wake up everyday and live in fear that your every move is going to be a mistake, something to criticize. 

I don't remember the last time I felt truly at peace, but I could afford myself distractions. That's how I ended up scrolling through Tumblr 12 hours per day and forgetting to eat because the skinny girls I came across were just so pretty. Food was my enemy. We couldn't stand each other. And the guilt simply because of eating was the worst feeling ever.

Empty is pretty. And I wanted to look pretty, so I starved. It was my sport. It still is. The joy of seeing my hipbones and ribs after some time was indescribable. I loved to lay awake at night and touch my bones, feel them as I tried to fall asleep. Of course, there were many times when I just couldn't take it anymore and I binged. I would regret it immediately and restrict even more.

"Alright. I'll find a job." I stared at her with empty eyes. I was dizzy, almost like I got drunk. She exited the room and slammed the doors behing her. I think I'm never going to fully understand her.

I stared at my ceiling, having no energy to move, even though I had unfinished assignments hanging above my head, screaming at me to do them, but I just wanted to sleep. School can wait. I think my red lipstick was smudged, but I had no energy to take it off. My hair was a mess, too. I tried to straighten it but my natural waves were too stubborn. I fell asleep.

A week passed. My life stayed the same except for my new job at the restaurant—The Butchery On Main.

The two sweet women who own it were kind enough to let me work even though they don't employ people under eighteen. I worked mostly after my school, until the closing. I didn't mind since I got to leave the house and get a break from my parents. 

People were nice, I took their orders, served their food. The restuarant was mostly empty during my shifts, but nonetheless it was almost hard, working with food. All those calories around me made me want to puke. And I wasn't much of a puker. I had the urge to binge. It was disgusting. But I wasn't going to throw all my work out of the window just like that. 

I had my diet coke and if I got hungry Ivy said that I could eat whatever I wanted, and I wanted cucumber. With pepper. They had those.

Today, I had much free time so I was just sitting at one of the tables and doing my homework while scrolling through Tumblr and eating freshly peeled cucumber with some seasoning on top. I was thriving. I was almost happy. It seemed impossible.

The door opened. A man walked in. He was dressed in black from head to toe and what stood out the most was his blue hair with grown out roots. He walked like he owned the building and everyone in it. I immediately stood up, while he was pulling out his chair, fixing my uniform. I let him read through the menu for a couple of seconds and then decided to approach.

"What would you like to order?" I smiled. I was nice. I am always nice. Why hasn't he looked at me yet? Why is he ignoring my presence? His head was bowed down until he raised it and I was met with black pools that stared at me, or rather through me. I felt dizzy and it wasn't the diet.

"Surprise me," he cocked his head, "I would love to see what you liberals like to eat the most. Maybe it'll make me change my political views."

"Al..right," I dragged on, "Is that all?"

"Yes," he replied.

"Everything will be done in a minute." I wanted to get away from him, as soon as possible. He was probably some Trump obsessed republican who's most likely to tell me to make him a sandwich. Which I am practically doing right now. But I couldn't deny it - He had a beautiful face. I wouldn't consider him that attractive if it weren't for his dead, piercing eyes that silently commanded you to obey every one of his rules. 

The food was ready. I had a feeling I would fall on my face next time I locked my eyes with his, which wasn't good. I didn't even know his name! Rachel, one of the cooks, handed me the best steak they had, house's special, "Who is it for?"

I didn't dare look at him. "The one with the blue hair. Just please don't stare. He's creeping me out."

Her eyes went wide, "That's Kai Anderson."

I looked at her blandly. The name didn't mean anything to me.

"You seriously need to watch more television."

"I'm fine, thanks. And if he's some menatlly deranged politician, then I'm not really missing out."

All the politics drained me, and don't get me wrong, I loved to be informed, but when I had to argue with someone about basic human rights, I'd rather not know anything.

I walked over to his table, and put the food on it. "I hope you're not vegan. Either way, enjoy your food." I kept my eyes everywhere, just not on him. He was so unsettling. I had to get away.

"I certainly will," he said and I walked away without a second glance. Jesus Christ, his mere presence was intense.

My shift ended in half an hour and that's when the restaurant was supposed to close. Ivy left early because of some family emergency, so she asked me to close and lock everything for her. I changed into my regular clothes—denim skirt and a white button down with my favorite black sweater, docs and a pair of knee socks. I untangled my hair and tried to brush it out with my fingers.

The tables were empty. Well, mostly. So-called Kai Anderson was still here, not even eating, just looking at some papers and flipping them over, for a while now.

I needed some extra balls to approach him and ask him to leave. Why did I accept to be the last one here? I could've been home by now, sleeping or watching a sitcom, but instead I'm stuck in this building with the strangest and the scariest man I've ever met. But then again, If I were home, my mother would be screaming at me. So I guess it's a win? Also I had to thank Kai for occupying my mind and not letting me think about food. I seriously needed to go to bed before I ended up eating something. Or worse- binging. I think I had less than 200 calories today which is a sign that I am slowly approaching danger zone. It isn't a diet anymore. I can't eat normally. I thought I could go back, but I guess my body won't let me. Or was it my mind?

"Miss?" Someone waved before my eyes.

"Yes? Sorry." Kai was standing beside the table that I occupied. 

"Are you closing soon?"

Should I lie? But then again, he isn't stupid. "Yes. Do you want to pay?"

"Oh no. I already did. I just wondered what occupied your mind that much." He had no idea.

"Nothing much. Just tired I guess. Can't seem to balance school and work."

"Ah. You see," he sat across me, "I don't believe you."

"Okay? I didn't try to be persuasive."

He smirked. Dear God, why was he so creepy but so hot at the same time?

"I still want to know what made you zone out for that long." Has he been staring at me the whole time?

"That's creepy. I don't even know you."

"What's that got to do with anything? I just asked you to tell me what's been botherung you. You looked fucking stressed."

"It really doesn't matter." I just wanted him to leave. 

"Wait. Here, I'll give you..." he reached into his  back pocket, "Fifty bucks if you tell me."

My lips curved. Come on, you can't blame me. Extra cash at my age isn't something you just don't accept.

"Ah! I knew it," he smiled, "Come on, doll, speak."

"It isn't anything interesting. My mom is just being a bitch, nothing unusual." I gave him the least I could and snatched the cash from his hand.

"She isn't letting you sleep over at your boyfriend's or something?" He laughed like I had the dumbest reason for not liking my mother.

"Not really. She just...Wants too much, I guess? And I'm not able to give her that." It felt weird saying that out loud. I think I never said it.

He stared at me for a second.

"I want to show you a trick." He put his right hand on the table. "Don't worry. It's something me and my older brother always used to do when we were little."

He reached with his pinky finger over to my hand. We locked fingers like we were making a pinky promise. 

"This is weird. And please hurry. My shift ends in fifteen minutes." 

"We have enough time. Okay, listen. Pinky power. Once the skin contact is made, no lies can be told and whatever we say, stays between us," he narrowed his black eyes, "Trust me, if you lie, I will know. Ready?"

When did I agree to this? Well, fuck it, I'll do it anyway.

"Do you love your family?" He asked, his expression serious.

"Yes." His mouth twitched.

"Do you like your family?"

"Absolutely not." I shook my head.

"Why is that?" 

How do I explain this to him without sounding like a total maniac? "My father is weak, he doesn't know how to stand up for himself. And my mother screams at me for merely existing. Her favorite hobby is emotionally draining me, then pulling my hair or slapping me because she feels like it. She regrets having me. I think she wants me to kill myself. It would be easier to have a dead daughter." My mind went blank. I felt nothing in that moment. Whatever he asked, I was going to tell him.

"Did you ever try to kill yourself?," he asked with a flat voice.

I thought for a second. Should I tell him the whole truth? He said he's going to know if I lie, but that doesn't mean...

"Don't think too much." His eyes went dark while I was literally choking under pressure of his gaze.

"No. I was never suicidal. I like living. But I..." words were stuck in my throat, "I...Sometimes, she would starve me. Saying I didn't deserve it. I had no money to buy something to eat. So I made a game out of it. I developed a disorder. It was the only thing I had some control over. I started it out of spite, but now it's real. It's worse than ever. But I don't want to stop."

His expression never changed. Not once. "Do you hate your mother for that?"

"You have no idea."

"I think I do have some idea about hating one of your parents. So, from experience, I need to ask you one more question."

I nodded. "Have you ever dreamt about killing her?"

I wanted to pull back from him, but his hand wouldn't let me. He pulled me even closer. "We can't break the contact," he gritted through his teeth.

"I know, I know, I'm sorry," I exhaled, "Yes. And no."

"Elaborate." 

The restuarant was silent. I couldn't even hear the sound of cars outside. Lights were practically out. 

"I...I wanted her dead. But I don't think I would be able to do it. I had a," I inhaled, "A fantasy about someone killing her while I watched. It's so fucked up, but I just couldn't help it. It brought me relief that she was gone and someone cared enough to get rid of her for me." 

I was scared to look at him. He was going to call the mental ward and lock me there. I was fucked. Why did I tell him all of that? 

I looked up.

He was smiling. It wasn't a sympathetic smile, or a sad smile, or anything similar to that. He was grinning like a maniac. He released my hand and I realized my eyes were filled with tears. I blinked them away. 

He shook his head with closed eyes, "You're perfect. Perfect."

My voice was low, weak. "What? How could you think that after what I just told you?"

"Don't ask too many questions. I have a solution for you because I know you're destined for greater things. Tell me, do you wish to never be under your mother's thumb again?"

"I mean, yes? That's going to be when I turn eighteen, so I have to be patient."

He laughed. "Oh, no, baby, no. She's never going to let you go. She'll suffocate you until there is nothing left but a shell. No matter the age or what the law says, you'll always be controlled. While she's alive, at least."

"What are you saying?"

"Do you want my help? Do you wish to be finally free?"

This was so fucked up. I never met this man in my life. Why was he offering me help?

"What's in it for you?"

He cocked his head, "I get to keep you by my side."

My mouth was dry. I was scared, but...excited. Thrill rushed down my body as this psychopath was staring at me, offering me a sick escape. I was supposed to say no. I was supposed to save my soul.

"Yes."

"Yes, what?"

"I want your help."

He looked so happy, it made me happy.

"Good. Then, we're leaving now." I was hypnotized by him. I just nodded, not asking where or why, my mother taught me I shouldn't get in the cars with strangers, especially men, but my mother was also the reason for many of my problems. I'll do something that'll piss her off.

I got into Kai's car and shut the door. I was okay with the fact that he might end up killing me.

He said nothing for the most of the ride, but I noticed him glancing over at my skirt that rose up to my thighs. I didn't bother pulling it down. I mean, I wore mini skirts for a reason, right?

I pretended not to notice as I looked at my reflection in the closed window. Hollow cheeks, red lipstick, pale face. I was obsessed. I always wanted to look like a corpse with make up. My face was perfect, lipstick untouched, mascara a little smudged, dark circles under my eyes from sleepless nights. 

"You know you could eat a burger." I looked at him. I almost wanted to hug him. His words made me feel proud, like I achieved something big. And I guess I did.

"Really? Do you know that you're the first person ever to tell me that?" I felt weird happiness in my chest. 

"Well, yeah. Why do you look so surprised? I didn't mean it as a compliment. You have a problem. I'm not even sure it's supposed to be a compliment." He frowned, not taking his eyes off the road.

"It doesn't matter if it's supposed to be a compliment or not. Thank you for saying it." I didn't give two fucks if he thought I was some anorexic lunatic that needed years of therapy. I was happy. And he wasn't my parent or my guardian to tell me what to do.

"Just think about it. What's the point of being so skinny? It's not even attractive."

"The point is in being clean. I don't want to see a pound of fat on my body. It's disgusting. And I am to do with my body as I please. I don't give a fuck if someone likes to eat like a fucking pig because It's not my body, and certainly not my problem." I was so angry. Who the fuck he thought he was?

"Just saying. You look sick. And I mean really, really sick."

"I am aware. Like I'm also aware that I'm fucked in the head. And that's the reason for all of this," I gestured over my figure. 

I could feel his anger. He didn't like that I disagreed with him and stood up for myself, even if I was wrong.

"We're here." He suddenly said, getting out of the car. I followed him into the house I guessed was his. The whole neighborhood was silent. Lights were off everywhere. 

We got into his house and I didn't even got to see it clearly because he practically dragged me into his basement and started changing. He put on a black leather coat while looking for something. His phone? He called someone.

"I'm expecting you'll be here in five? Well don't try to make up excuses. This is a perfect opportunity. I don't care— No, drag yourself and your pathetic wife here." He called two more people and I just stood in the middle of the room staring at him. 

"What's your adress?" Was he really doing that now? "You know what, never mind. I found it." I wasn't going to ask him how. He looked like the person who instead of Instagram browsed dark web. 

"Okay, let's go. They're here." I had to ask him because he said nothing about it. I had to be sure.

"Why are we going to my house?"

Beat. A moment. "To kill your mother, of course."

There were other people with us, but I couldn't see their faces because of the creepy clown masks. Kai had one too. I felt like I was drugged. I didn't know what happened to me. I suppose I had enough. I know Kai is not the answer for my problems, at least not all of them. He's going to get rid of her and then what? No. Stop thinking. 

I listened to my brain this time. It was late. My parents were probably asleep. Probably in separate beds. It's going to be easier for Kai and the others to do the job. They kept their mouths shut and I didn't blame them. I still wasn't sure if I was part of this sick cult or whatever it was. I read enough about them to recognize a cult leader when I see one. 

The car suddenly stopped. We were in front of my house.

"This played out so good, little lamb. I knew you were perfect." Kai's voice was muffled under that mask and his words made my heart flutter. He was so sick. "Don't just stand there, baby. Be a good host. Invite us in. Come on," he gestured with one gloved hand towards my house. I felt everyone's eyes on me as I turned my back and started walking towards the door. What did he mean by this playing out good? Did he plan this before? It certainly did not matter.

We got in, doors creaking, but not enough to wake anyone up. My father was downstairs, in the guestroom, but my Satanic mother was in their bedroom. I went first, up the stairs, one by one, they followed me, Kai first, then the rest of them. 

I showed them the doors. 

Kai got in and they followed him. I shut the door behind me. I felt like I was seeing things through someone else's eyes. I didn't feel guilt and I wasn't regretting my decision. I remember everything through a coat of blur. Knives, a lot of them. They killed her in her sleep. Stabbed her too many times, I lost count. Sheets were soaked with red and the room started smelling like iron too. Kai used her blood to draw some sign on the wall that was facing the bed. It looked like a smiley face, but I wasn't sure. The job was done. I was free. I was free of any charges, since I wasn't home when it happened. I was going to sleep in my bed and wake up in the morning, shocked, petrified, screaming for help, calling the police, my father is going to be terrified too, but relieved. He would never admit it thought. 

We were in the car again. Then in front of Kai's house. "Leave. I want some time alone with our newest member."

"Kai, no. You can't drag her into this. She's just a child—" A feminine voice scorned him under her mask.

"Don't tell me what to do, Winter. Now leave," he raised his voice and I flinched. "We have much to talk about." He took off his mask and smiled knowingly at me. I wasn't scared of him anymore, though I knew I should be. He killed my mother for Christ's sake! 

We went into his basement again. The lights were already on and I watched him as he took off his mask and black coat. His shirt was soaked with my mother's blood. 

"What did you want to talk about?" I cocked my head.

"You were so good. I knew you could do it. Next time, maybe you'll even be the one holding the knife. You didn't even flinch!" He paced through the room and laughed, like he was talking to himself.

"You didn't do this for me, did you?"

He stopped, then looked at me, "I already told you. This played out perfectly. And I've been watching for quite some time now," his eyes darkened "When I found out that the woman who's been talking shit about me over her social media had a daughter, I had to see if she was as bitchy as her mother." Oh, so he did this to save his reputation. Of course.

"And," I swallowed, "Is she?"

He didn't answer me. Instead he marched to the other side of the room and pushed me against the wall, slamming his lips on mine. I was out of breath, not being able to process everything. Oh my god, he was kissing me! This insane, sick in the head, narcissistic, 30-something, psychopath was kissing me and I opened my mouth to him like the whore I was. I wanted him to touch me. No, I needed his blood stained hands on me right now. 

I pulled one of his hands and put it on my chest as his tongue continued to explore my mouth. He took off my sweater and shirt. I was left in a black bra and skirt.

"Aren't you scared of being arrested for fucking a minor?"

"I commited far more monstrous crimes than fucking a seventeen year old and you know it, " he breathed into my mouth. Red lipstick was smudged over his lips. His hand that was on my chest slipped under my skirt and found my panties. 

"You know it," his fingers entered me with ease, "And yet, you're still so fucking wet for me." My mouth fell open as he buried his fingers deeper if that was even possible. I wasn't a virgin, but then again, I've never been with a man. I took my own virginity so that I didn't have to bother. 

"Kai—" I breathed. I needed more.

He sat on one of the chairs beside the circular table and pulled me onto his lap, his thigh between my legs. My clit was aching for some king of friction so I started rubbing myself against the rough fabric of his jeans. 

"Aren't you desperate?" He pushed me on the floor, between his legs, he pulled out his belt and unzipped his pants. His intentions were clear and I was happy to oblige, but I had to touch myself or I'd go insane. I started stroking his already hard dick and rubbing my clit at the same time. 

He noticed. And he wasn't happy about it. "I thought you were going to be patient. But I guess not." He took his belt and with one move he tied my hands behind my back while I was still kneeling in front of him.

"Please, I just need to—"

"Yes, yes, I know, but you have to deserve it. Am I right?"

I nodded hesitantly and he scooped up my hair in his fist and used it to pull my head down. I took him into my mouth as the wetness and ache grew between my legs. 

Kai continued to pull my head down until his tip hit the back of my throat and I gagged. He chuckled.

My eyes teared up as I sucked his dick like my life depended on it.

He grunted and raised his hips, so I knew he was close. And I knew he was going to either come in my mouth or...

He pulled out and finished on my tits, painting my chest with his cum. 

"You were so good," he said with his head tilted back and eyes closed. He let my hair fall down my back and over my face. Kai dressed and got up, then pulled me with him, still tied.

He slammed me on the desk and I was able to just lay there and let him do whatever he wanted to me. Not that I minded.

"I feel like I'm going to break you," he said as he traced my very visible ribs with the tips of his fingers. "Break every bone in your body." 

I could feel my stomach sinking in and his words made me even a bigger mess than I already was. "Do it, please, please," I cried out as my hips rose towards him. 

"Since you asked so nicely...And the skirt stays on. Do you know how much willpower it took me not to bury my hand under your skirt and make you beg for more while we were driving?" He pulled my skirt up and didn't even bother to take off the panties, he just ripped them. He towered over me as I layed on his table, feeling the cool air on my swollen clit. 

Kai's fingers went over my aching pussy and my back arched towards his touch. He did nothing for a split second and then came the first slap. I yelped as the burning spread between my legs, but I didn't tell him to stop. He slapped me even harder and I cried out, most ungodly sounds coming from my mouth.

"Don't worry, you can scream as loud as you'd like."

He slapped my dripping cunt once more and after that I was sure I was going to feel his hands on me days after. He didn't wait for me to recover from his brutality, instead he buried two fingers inside me and started scissoring, wanting to spread me even wider. I threw my head back as he added one more. He buried them knuckle deep inside me and began curling them.

"I feel like you're a big girl. You can take one more." He didn't wait for my agreement. His four fingers were inside, making my pussy burn with pleasure. I wasn't able to form words. He spat on me and started massaging my clit while almost his whole hand was thrusting in and out of me. I felt pressure deep in my lower stomach and started panting and moaning for him to continue, but he did exactly the opposite. 

My cunt was left empty without his fingers and I could almost cry. I just needed a bit more.

"Don't look so upset. I'm not finished with you." 

Kai untied me and took his belt. He spread my legs as wide as he could and started spanking my pussy with it. I screamed more in pain than surprise, "Kai, no, stop, please stop-"

The pain was unbearable, but it was just enough  for my clit to start pulsing more and that pressure in my belly to grow. I screamed in pain as he continued to hit me with no mercy. I could feel my walls clenching and my back arched as I came undone. Orgasm hit me and I came down from my high, but Kai didn't stop. 

He started rubbing my abused cunt, overstimulating it. He was deaf to my begging and crying. It was too much. There was no pleasure anymore, just pure pain, but he continued to massage it and after a couple of minutes I was shaking with another orgasm. I knew I was too sensitive, but when I tried to close my legs, he stopped me. Then I noticed his rock hard dick under his jeans and my heart dropped. I was going to pass out. He was going to use me, not caring for my pleasure anymore.

"Just hold still a little more, doll." He pulled his dick out and slammed himself inside me, making my eyes roll to the back of my head. Everything hurt, but he didn't care. His thrusts were fast and rough, I couldn't keep up. I could feel his orgasm building and he had no intention of pulling out. Kai continued to slam into me until he reached his peak. He filled me with his seed and when he finally pulled out I could feel it dripping from my pussy.

Kai helped me get up and as he was untying his belt, his hot breath was on my neck. "Welcome to the cult, baby."

[candycandy00]

Can you give some general headcanons for how Tomura and Dabi would be as boyfriends?

Sure!

Shigaraki

Contrary to what a lot of people seem to think, I believe Shigaraki would actually be a very good boyfriend. One good indicator of how someone will treat a lover is how they treat other people they care about, such as their family or friends. And after Shigaraki matures, he treats the other members of the League very well. He values them, values their dreams and goals, and gives them the freedom to do whatever they want, even though it would make total sense for him to boss them around. I don’t see any reason he wouldn’t apply those same behaviors in a romantic relationship. 

Also remember how Mr. Compress made an offhand comment about wanting to eat sushi, and then months later, when the opportunity presented itself, Shigaraki got sushi for the League? That shows he listens to the people he cares about and actually remembers things they talk about wanting. So if you were his lover and you mentioned some item you’d been wanting, even if he didn’t have the means to buy it for you right then, he’d definitely remember it and go back to get it for you when he could. 

Shigaraki would be affectionate (especially after gaining full control of his quirk) and would have no shame at all when it comes to public displays of affection. He’s not the type of guy to worry about social norms. 

He would probably want to date someone who likes video games. We know we enjoys talking about them and gets along better with people who play them (like Spinner, the only character I remember seeing him just casually talking to about anything unrelated to the League or villain activities). 

The worst part about dating Shigaraki would be that he would want to have most dates at home and it would be hard to drag him out for an actual date at the movies or a restaurant. You’d have to either enjoy at-home dates or come up with a way to convince him to get out more. He’s a bit socially awkward so he’s probably going to occasionally do or say things that are slightly embarrassing. But he means well. 

As for sex, I think Shigaraki is 100% a clueless virgin and would require a bit of coaching from you. But once he gets the hang of it, he would be a great lover. For one, he’s not the selfish, greedy type at all, so he would definitely want to give you as much pleasure as possible. In fact, he might just enjoy watching you get off as much as he enjoys getting off himself. I think he would be surprisingly tender and sweet in those intimate moments. 

As for kinks, I doubt he has many. Even though he probably watched a lot of questionable hentai, he’s pretty happy with just normal sex. But if you wanted to try something different or something kinky, I think he’d be very into trying whatever you like. He’d be open to anything, so long as it’s something you want. He would probably really enjoy role playing or involving costumes (especially if it’s costumes of his favorite game characters). 

Overall, an A+ boyfriend. 

Dabi

As much as I love Dabi, I think he’d be kind of a lousy boyfriend. At least in the early stages of the relationship. He’s very self-centered and self-involved. He wouldn’t even be interested in trying a relationship until after he’s had extensive therapy. But! I don’t think he would be abusive. Just… selfish and emotionally distant. At first. After he falls in love, like truly in love, I think he would open up to you and start to see you as even more important than himself. 

Dabi would need a lot of reassurance. You’d very often have to reassure him that you love him, that he’s irreplaceable to you, that you’re there for him. Also prepare to have him trauma dump on you often. But if you love him, you’ll be happy that he feels comfortable talking to you about his problems. He’d also have a keen eye for when you’re feeling down about something. He’d definitely be able to tell if you’ve had trauma in your life, and he would genuinely want to help you feel better. 

Dates would be pretty fun. He’s got an energetic, almost manic side to him so expect some wild dates like dancing or going to amusement parks or haunted houses. But he also has a lazy side, so expect a lot of boring nights hanging around the house too. 

Dabi wouldn’t be very affectionate in front of others, if at all. The most you’re probably going to get out of him is hand holding. But in private? He would be clingy. He’d also be very casual about touching you. He’d just sit down beside you and lean his head over on your shoulder or just absently stroke your hair while the two of you are watching a movie. 

Would definitely be the type to get jealous easily. Though I don’t think he would go full on obsessive yandere, I think he would get very annoyed if you gave other guys a lot of attention. He’d probably just sulk and be slightly rude and snappy until you assured him that he’s the only one you love. 

As for sex, he’d be a selfish lover at first. He’d totally be the type to want a quickie in the restroom of the movie theater and he’d feel like it was a successful quickie if he got off, even if you didn’t. But if you got really close, got into a serious relationship and he was in love, he would get much better in this regard. He would want to make you feel good, make you want him to touch you. And I’ve said this before but once he realizes how much you want him, he would be a major tease. He’d love making you ask for it. And if he knew of something he did that turned you on (a certain look he gives or a certain way he sits or moves), he would do it all the time. 

As for kinks, he probably has several. I feel like he would definitely be into pain-related kinks, both giving and receiving. Look at all those staples and piercings. Yep, he’s into pain. He’d probably get really turned on by piercings (and he would absolutely go crazy for you if you let him pierce you). But I also feel like he wouldn’t be insistent on these kinks. If you’re not into them, he doesn’t want to pressure you into it. He’d be satisfied with some lighter forms of it, like very soft spanking or lightly biting you. He also might have a tendency to be rough unless you tell him outright that he hurt you and you didn’t like it. Then he’d feel bad about it and be more gentle from then on. He only wants the fun kind of hurt that you both enjoy. 

He’d start out as a C- boyfriend but would end up a solid A if you got into a long-term relationship and serious feelings developed. 

[sunsetrubdowns]

Also. Hi. I remembered I can talk as much as I want to on here. Do you want to hear about this guy I kind of broke up with but kind of wasnt really dating to begin with and will probably have to break up with again for good measure. This actually turned into an insanely long post because it's an insane situation so I'm putting it under a cut because I love you and your scrolling experience and it's probably incoherent anyways

So. Well you may or may not be aware but I was couch surfing for like 3 weeks in September and a friend of mine who I met through work helped me out a lot with moving my stuff out of my apartment and into storage and helping me get my shit together. And in the weeks leading up to me moving out/while I was homeless we spent a lot of time together (like. Pretty much every day LOL) because I needed to be constantly distracted and he apparently had all the free time in the world. Cool!

Now it's important to give the context that he had asked me out back in like June and I said no because not only did I think we had very little chemistry and he was very needy but ALSO I was going through one of the worst depressive periods in my life. Really just was not the vibe at the time. Also my read on the situation was 100% correct like I was right about everything lol.

So you know obviously I'm aware that he has a little crush on me this whole time but I'm in a truly delusional headspace where I'm like well this is not so bad :) I'm having fun hanging out with him so whatever happens, happens :). And what happens is that WHILE I am still homeless we end up having a little feelings talk where I'm like well this is nice but I've kind of got a lot going on right now and I need to settle my life situation out before I'm comfortable getting into anything official or serious. And he's like yeah I totally understand that. But then maybe a week later after I secure and move into my place he IMMEDIATELY. And I mean like immediately. Starts calling me his girlfriend. Not to me but to other people. Like going around to my coworkers and people at work to be like btw we're together now :). Which made me kind of uncomfortable but I just brushed it off because I am a huuuuuge pushover and I was like, sure I guess we're together. Even though I'm very private about my personal life and it took me like a good month to refer to him as my boyfriend out loud and I didn't even MENTION him to my best friends (hi besties) for a couple weeks after that. Because I was like damn I don't even know what to say. Also he never even attempted to do anything more than hold my hand a few times so we were still just hanging out the way we had been to begin with.

And THEN he started coming to the bowling alley where I work every single night and just like.... hanging around for hours and hours until we closed to drive me home (6 blocks away) and to talk to me while I'm working and on my breaks. And when he drove me home after work every SINGLE night he would park and walk me to my door and unless I was very clearly like yeahhh I'm exhausted Goodnight Bye :) he would often invite himself into my apartment just to hang around until I was like. Okay I have to go to bed because it's after 1am please leave. And it got to the point where I felt like I never had any time to myself and my social battery was constantly at 0 and I was also spending way more money than was within my budget because he was dragging me out to eat and do things constantly and to go to Disneyland and shit and also at the place where I work every single day and not leaving no matter how clearly Im like hey sorry I'm just. soooo tired right now and work is so busy etc. There were only THREE days in October that I had totally to myself. I could barely even find time to spend with my roommate I had just moved in with and he also was not really seeming to spend time with any of his own friends when he'd had an incredibly active social life like, just a month ago.

It was starting to really freak me out that I felt like he was trying to replace not only his previous long term girlfriend who broke up with him earlier this year but also his entire social circle. With lil old me. And I felt like he was trying to force a level of familiarity with me that simply was not there like... man you don't even KNOW me like that don't talk to me like you know me. Don't talk to me like you know me when you're also trying so hard all the time to like, impress me and prove something to me.

It got to the point by mid October that I was like desperate for time to myself to decompress and process things and most of my mental energy was going to trying to find ways to avoid him and scripting a breakup speech in my head. And instead of trying to talk to ME he would go into my workplace and try to ask my work friends. While they were working. For advice on what to do when I seemed distant or unhappy. And even though they really only ever told him to just communicate with me he decided to wait until the day before Halloween to be like "I realized that I was maybe doing to much by going to hang around your workplace every day and also it's been a month and a half but I want to officially ask you to be my girlfriend now :)" and was somehow genuinely shocked when I said no. And basically outlined everything I've said here to be like I need to be left alone or I'm going to kill myself a little bit so please leave me alone.

But it seems like what he took out of the conversation was "I need to take some naps and then I'll feel better and then we can go back to normal :)" because he just kept being like "how do you feel how are you doing you look better are you feeling rested" and continuing to go to my coworkers and my roommate at work and asking about me and show up at the bowling alley frequently and text me continually as I just brushed him off over and over and eventually stopped replying to his messages. Until finally last week I was working on a day I normally don't work and he came in and I, again, kind of brushed him off when he came to just like do small talk with me. So he went to my roommate who was also working to be like "oh I think I'm going to talk to them today we need to talk but I don't know if they just want to be left alone or not..." while she (blessed angel that she is) just refused to give him any real information. But then he just kept like, trying to chitchat with me while I was working so I started brushing him off again and he ended up going to my roommate AGAIN to vent about me. And then left and texted her all this stuff about how he doesn't know if I like him anymore but he's just going to leave me alone and try to get over me etc and how he's been so stressed over stuff with his parents etc etc and framing it as if HE is breaking things off with ME. But since then has continued to go to her to ask about me and talk about how he's trying to get over me and heartbreak and whatever and etc. But has not expressed anything at all to me personally in any capacity since I told him I needed space.

Meanwhile I've gone on multiple dates with someone I genuinely really like and who has slept over at my apartment multiple times LOL. And there are so many little details of weird shit that I've had to cut for time here but like genuinely what the hell man

Anyways have I mentioned that this man is 34 years old. Because he's 34 years old. And if you've read all this you are so cordially invited to share your thoughts and/or guess his chart placements in the replies. Funny as fuck situation that I'm in

[leorawright]

hiii can i get a romantic genshin matchup please ☺️💖

she/her, heterosexual, taurus, estj, neutral good.

i’m very outgoing and extremely extroverted like my friends say. i’m the type of person that is always talking 😭 if you put me in a room with a stranger, the chances are extremely high that i end up befriending them (unless i feel like they don’t want to talk). but i get bad days too like other people and sometimes i just shut down and won’t talk unless spoken to.

while i am friendly, i also keep my circle small. i don’t have the ability to maintain a thousand of friendships so i have only a handful of friends that i am reallllyyyy close to.

i am very emotional and have the worst case of fomo. when i see my friends hanging out without me, i immediately feel like it’s the end of the world which is stupid and currently trying to resolve that. the way i cope is usually joining whatever org i can which makes me an extremely busy person at times.

i don’t get mad at people very often (i am easily annoyed though) and when i’m mad, i easily forgive but i /never/ forget.

i love discovering new music but my current favorite artists are phoebe bridgers and haim. i have a short-ass attention span when it comes to series and it’s been forever since i finished one. i’m more of a casual viewer, so i like movies better (especially romcoms)

what i don’t like is people who are extremely judgy and only see people negatively. it’s a pet peeve of mine when people are so quick to judge. i also hateeeee liver (although my mom encourages me to eat it bc i have iron deficiency…) but i love eating a mix of vegetables.

i’m a hopeless romantic by the way! i genuinely think that i won’t ever settle for any other than the tender and sweet kind of love. my love language are acts of service and quality time. i also really appreciate if someone listens to my ramblings tirelessly.

one of the things that i look for a partner is that he’s an active member of the community like me; it helps me see if he’s truly responsible. i also want him to care about his studies as much as i do and he should have a set goal in life. i want someone to have a direction in life, and knows that we shouldn’t be each other’s ONLY priorities.

i love to read fantasy and historical books. i also write whenever i’m on the mood and have time. one of my current obsessions is lord of the rings (which is weird bc i alr went thru an lotr phase when i was like… 6) AND I HAVE A PUPPY 🥹 i love her sm she’s so cute!!! i adore her sm and we spend time together through sitting on the floor and her laying her head on me 😭🥹

thank you smmm have a great day and take care of yourself 💖

I had a lot of choices but I've decided on...

Gaming!

He's definitely an active member in the community and gets along with about everybody

He's got a goal with wanting to become a Wushu dancer and he'd be delighted if you support his passion

He also supports your goals in life, and whatever you want to do, he'll help as best he can

His love language is acts of service so whatever you need help with, just tell him and he'll be at your side

He's not usually much of a reader, but if you have any suggestions, he'll happily read them and talk about them with you

Absolutely adores your dog as well and will sneak her treats all the time

[dramatic-squirrel]

Daminette December Day 19- Hands

@maribat-calendar-events

They stood side by side, neither talking in the oppressively, haughty atmosphere. At that moment, Marinette hated Jagged more than words could describe. He forced her to attend this event knowing full well it wasn’t who she was. There was no one she knew besides Jagged and Penny, no common interests with the millionaires and billionaires that roamed around and worst of all, the pastries and finger foods weren’t even good. If you’re the richest person in the world, the least you could do was get decent food for your party.

The only brightside to the situation was that she wasn’t entirely alone in her discomfort. The downside to this was that her companion in misery had an aura of ‘if you talk to me I will gut you’, making him hard to approach. Instead, they ended up occupying the same corner of the banquet hall in an attempt to avoid other people. At least that was the intention, but it seemed like Marinette was truly the odd one out as a group of people approached where the boy was standing.

“Damian! So this is where you were hiding.” A tall man with black hair and blue eyes walked up to the boy. “I don’t know why you insist on running off the second these things start but it’s more bearable if you just stick with us.” The boy, Damian, looked away, a sneer on his face, but not saying a word.

The arrival of these new six people made Marinette feel more uncomfortable. It was bad enough that she had been standing silently next to a stranger for at least half an hour by that point. But now, she felt like she was intruding upon the group, despite being in that corner first. So she attempted to leave, quietly as possible, but she didn’t get far. Whether it was her simple presence or the fact that she moved, all of their attention shifted to her immediately. Stiff, she smiled and waved in greeting, before attempting, unsuccessfully, to leave again.

“Pardon us, Miss. We didn’t mean to interrupt your conversation with our brother.” The first man spoke. 

 “No, it’s ok. I was just hanging out here for a bit.” she fiddled with her fingers, trying to look anywhere else. “You didn’t interrupt anything so I’ll just be on my way, Monsieur…” She waited for a name or introduction. What she got was the stunned expressions of everyone there, except for Damian.

 A man with a white steak in his hair was the first to respond. “Oh my god. She doesn’t know.”

“Jason!” A blond girl hit his arm. “Don’t ruin this!” She hit his arm again for good measure. 

“Wouldn’t dream of it Steph,” he threw his arm around the girl before gesturing towards Marinette. “She’s a rare species, got to protect the endangered wildlife.” Feeling thoroughly weirded out, Marinette established that, while they were more interesting company, they were also the kind of company that would lead to unspeakable trouble if she hung around for too long. 

Glaring at Jason and Steph, the other man finally decided to introduce themselves. “I’m Dick. The people here are Jason, Tim, Stephanie, Cass, Duke, and Damian who you’ve met.” He pointed to each person in turn. 

“Oh, sorry, again, I was just hanging out. Trying to get away from the crowds over here. I didn’t really… I mean I don’t know…” She gave up trying to explain or escape. “I’m Marinette. Nice to meet you.” And just gave in to whatever was happening now.

“How are you enjoying yourself so far?” Dick asked. 

At the question, Marinette went stiff as she tried to come up with the nicest way of saying it sucked. “Well… the venue is beautifully decorated.” It was the only thing, not a lie, that she could say about the party. With her answer came a chorus of muffled laughter from everyone, even Damian, who she assumed was the most stoic of the bunch, cracked a smile. The tension in her shoulders eased a bit. 

“Oh yeah, she fits right in. Actually she’s more polite than any of us.” It was Tim who spoke this time. “I can see why Demon Spawn likes her.” The comment made the blood rush to her face, while Damian attempted to tackle Tim. 

“What are you talking about Tim?” Dick asked. 

Tim tried to answer but it was difficult when he was simultaneously fighting for his life. “I can’t… believe your… a… detective,” he finally pushed Damian off. “Jesus Christ Dick, get better deduction skills.” Discomfort filled the air once again as they calmed down and Marinette just stared at the group. 

Jason punched Tim, “Nice going, Timbo. Way to ruin the atmosphere.” Just as things became unbearable, music began to fill the hall and Dick started ushering his siblings away, leaving Damian and Marinette alone once again.

“Excuse my brother, he wasn’t raised.” Damian spoke up first. “You don’t need to pay attention to anything he says, half the time he speaks utter incoherence from sleep deprivation.”

Marinette nodded to show her understanding. After a moment she spoke up. “I… Would you like to dance?” She wasn’t sure what she was thinking, if she was thinking at all.

Damian paused to consider her offer. “I suppose dancing would be more entertaining than standing next to a wall all evening.” He held out a hand to her. 

When she placed her hand into his, a feeling of unexpected warmth radiated from his hand.  She also noticed how it was scarred and calloused, rough from some type of physical labor. Not at all what she was expecting, but comforting nonetheless.

When they reached the edge of the dance floor, a slow song began to play and not knowing how to formally dance, they gently swayed side to side in beat with the music. “Um… just so we’re clear on this…” Marinette gathered her courage. “I don’t really mind if what Tim said was true.” Then her fear overtook her again. “Or not! I mean, either way, doesn’t make a difference, really.” her eyes flittered to anywhere other than Damian’s eyes.

Damian raised an eyebrow at her contradictory interlude, but otherwise didn’t speak, and they lapsed into silence. The song was almost over and Marinette couldn’t help but think about what if. For years she had a crush on Adrien and never confessed, only to lose any chance. Now that she was over him, why shouldn’t she take a new chance? 

The warmth from his hand gave her courage once again. Looking Damian in the eyes, she said what was really on her mind. “You seem like a really nice person and I was wondering if you’d like to get a cup of coffee with me sometime before I leave for France.” she didn’t pause for breath. “Of course if you don’t want to, that's fine too. I just figured there’s no harm in asking.”

This time it was Damian who couldn’t look her in the eyes as he replied. “I think I would like that. Your company is… enjoyable.” 

A big smile appeared on her face as the song ended. “Great! It’s a date then.”

[silenceoftheman]

Been thinking about what love is today. I have been through so much and i think i have a good sense of what love is to me. Gotta start off by saying love is perspective based for sure: it's different for each person and there can even be different kinds of love.

But love to me is a constant. Love is something that binds the way you feel about certain people or things. Its a connection i have with someone that transcends conditional feelings. A couple people come to mind when i think about love.

The first is my direct family. My parents and my siblings. My love for them is almost like a sign of respect. Sort of like a "i dont have to necessarily like you but i love you". I would do anything for my family. My Dad, despite his flaws, in a lot of ways is a superhero to me, and love lets me see that. Even through the worst times i can still see that. My Mum is my rock, my safe space, my heart. I respect her the most in the world. My sisters and i are good friends and we laugh our way through anything. All of these people i would do anything for.

Then theres my best friend in the world, someone i wouldnt have considered to be my all time best friend 4 or 5 years ago. But theres just something about them that is so easy. The peace is easy. The safety is easy. Vulnerability is natural with them and every time we get to hang out, despite being so far, feels like i refreshed my RAM (nerd alert). We can talk about anything and everything becomes fun. If i get the chance to go and see them this summer its going to be the best week ive had in... a long time. Despite our hardships and whatever life throws at us we are there for each other and i truly love them. I want nothing more than for them to be happy! I know im happy. Just thinking about getting to hug them again, even if but for a little while, makes my heart melt. I miss you C.

Then theres my other best friend. Ive been friends with them since freshman year in highschool. Z. Z is kinda a quirky person. They work a lot and due to choices they made we havent had alotta time together. But we always do these surprise messenger calls that go from the normal "how ya been" to crazy topics that are so fun. Z is also going through some stuff but they are finally getting themself right. I love them in more of a family like way. Different than C but also different than my own blood. Idk

Love is funny. As you experience love through out growing up and aging the meaning changes again and again. From family love to hormones and crushes to highschool and getting a girlfriend and thinking love is some sort of thing you can control or a beaker that needs to be filled. To learning that love is being there for someone and truly knowing and understanding them. To loving the process of understanding them. Feeling empathy with them. Loving yourself is so important because it helps you love others too.

Love and peace.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

already was musing on how like, here's an intro that's Establishing Things, and it's like, does it matter that we were given a quants interaction of winston being like "hey you were nice to me there, actually. it reminds me of how" only for rian to pull the nice maneuvers of not wanting to listen to him share anything, being willing to just issue an order to someone about what he gets to do (talk for ten seconds) and doing so, then some underwhelming flair used to insult him surely, i guess that he's so stupid(tm) or whatever. like, wondering does that mean anything really that that was just about rian being an asshole, as has been sprinkled in before, just little moments that deadend with winston just feeling Disheartened b/c rian was shitty for no reason. does it mean anything that she did anything for the quant duo before that in refusing a chance to not sit next to him. theoretically just a [we're still tmc] kind of choice to stick together, and sure didn't move her to even treat him like a person she dislikes, just a nonperson she also dislikes

and relatedly it's going to be just as hilarious as rian, what, implying winston hasn't heard / of the french language, that the theory that rian and dollar bill become some kind of duo based on being Hilarious(tm) but also just terrible to any & everyone and bullying people has only more plausible, And that this episode of billions' introduction / establishment of dollar bill is decidedly centered around "yeah nobody likes this guy or can stand to deal with him. not even the people paid to be there, not even the self-declared Too Nice guy who kept choosing hanging out with dollar bill & his bullying over working & hanging out with his friend taylor" so it sure doesn't seem like that's leaving much room for [oh that was an oversight] if dollar bills going to fuck off into mpc hq on the regular and rian's immediately going to be like of course i can roll with this fuckin asshole

and truly a distillation of "rian's supposedly gets the 'good' treatment of More Material & being taken more seriously by other characters, but this only meant that instead of any sense of character &/or her own actual subplots ever, she's whatever a different more prominent character needs for their plot at any given time; winston's peripheral funny little guy unimportance & insulting treatment is still so much better re: being a character" if winston gets the worst treatment of being shoved out of mpc by episode three and rian is graced with hanging around most or all season only to be judged & condemned to now have that loss of [quant duo] replaced with being insufferable bullying horrible person dollar bill's New Friend and like, right away, with ease. and like i was saying like i would not argue with that, if rian had the consistent principle of treating anyone with basic respect she wouldn't be treating winston as a nonperson, and of course she has a broader capacity for being an asshole to anyone at any point that's just drier and less [outbursts of physical aggression] than dollar bill's style.

no idea what rian's overall arcs could be when yknow, why is she here, why has she stayed here, her most relevance right now gets to be "has the dialogue capacity to talk about getting prince with a sex scandal. also has zero thoughts on how power factors into one rather than that you just need to be polite about it?" which only feels truly character specific when held up against "rian was supposedly bullied but also Above even hating the people who did it. but she is also a bully and not even especially emotionally detached about it, even though how she treats winston is more important than how she feels about it" like basically "also a bully" is her most coherent deal. and it's just Interesting that simply being mean to winston is again basically pointed out, and her future bestie or [put in the same shots duo status] dollar bill is Impending but the episode was like "yeah of course everyone hates this guy, for being awful" and the joke nonjoke the whole time that unfortunately rian might get along just fine with bill as workplace (and probably also life in general, it's not a honed strategy they limit to the office) bullies

so that That's what rian gets for getting to stick around, while winston Might get to be shoved out of the fund hq with any character flair from him and, i do unfortunately have to wonder harder now, maybe any relevance afforded to the way people have treated him, indeed maybe rian especially, his personal bully and abusive friend. and because other people also see rian as better than him & maybe also winston as [not a person], if winston does anything that's indeed deliberately petty, mean, Angry, etc, towards rian, That will be seen as unacceptable vs the yknow checks notes years of cruel interpersonal treatment from rian to winston, but nothing hangs in the balance on that front, people won't suddenly be like "nice. winston's a person to me now, which, why am i even in a position to Decide that" if he's shoved out & goes quietly & politely and creates no problems in return. and, very much like dollar bill, i don't think rian will change, but for winston's own sake it would be Heartening if he voices his experience such that we know he knows it was bullshit, even though of course rian, and probably anyone else, isn't going to choose to listen past 5 seconds, least of all when he's clearly indicating a general state of irritation. rooting for flair and idiosyncrasy for him and indeed that the best sources for that could be with taylor, please, the person he's always been here for, rian, the person for years now bullying him more than she does anyone else or more than anyone else does to winston, and even fun if there's anything with tuk his apparent genuine friend tuk, and by "fun" i mean "such a delight i daren't really think much abt it From Canon"

anyways the tl;dr i suppose is that winston getting apparently thrown away in the first third of the season is insulting treatment but rian getting to stay and be dollar bill's wretched bestie is truly the worse fate and basically that distillation of like. oh winston's bringing it on himself he's so annoying nobody likes him, while in actuality all the ways he's never fit in or done things "right" and how he would never have been hired if taylor hadn't done it are all compliments and endorsements. while rian's been viewed as a capable valuable person by all from the start and treated as Better Than even others who are still also seen people, but her "success" and the shit she gets to continue to do in how she treats people b/c nothing about being at work stops that and some things facilitate & reward it, see: also dollar bill being around the whole time & now also back, definitely include treating a friendly coworker any which way, which she usually chooses to be: badly. and of course shoutout to the thread of taylor being like "if you stay btw you'll probably get all fucked up" but like also rian just Brought the [i'm a bully but it's fine when i do it. it's bad when it happens to Me] stance from the start, but like, obviously always the opportunity to get worse and just be left off with that implication of Never Trying To Learn, just like your new good friend dollar bill

real tl;dr As Fates Go winston being shitted on & fired / driven to quit >>>>>>>> rian sticking around, befriending dollar bill. and like not in the way i'm arguing that the fate is worse like In Conceptual Quality. it's just a hell of a potential condemnation / indirect illustration of like, here's this person it's horrible to be around, here's a reminder rian is cruel to this coworker on a dime anytime, here's rian deciding the horrible person is Alright anyways. maybe they'll be busy with a bullying power struggle the whole time. and maybe winston will get to appear outside the fund actually. just really something to be going like "oh my god lmao rian and dollar bill might actually be specifically getting along well as fellow [be horrible to coworkers] bullies and assholes who feel Above It, it being many other people, this being a kind of requirement there" and to be wondering if billions will make this fact that rian's job is being an asshole more relevant at all, if even to be like yeah leaving off with a lost cause here, including that i really doubt winston can Get Through To her even with his ability & willingness to air his grievances, and like, as though oh actually winston brought it upon himself b/c rian just didn't knowww, that's on him and his visible pain & verbal expressions of that pain & requests that she stop which Weren't Enough, and as though maintaining that onesided dynamic for bullying and demeaning and shutting down and abusing was like an unconscious accidental coincidence every time and not its own Active Process, regardless of what the other person does or doesn't do, and with the agenda of maintaining that [i'm the person who chooses how things go; they're the object that reacts accordingly like it's laws of physics level of demands of reality] one-sided relationship, so they'd only just be looking to react to what that other person does or doesn't do in ways that serve those purposes anyway. sometimes rian's "nicer" but she's still the one deciding how everything goes, winston can only roll with it like a ball at the top of a ramp like, of course, unquestionable. cue space winston, zero gravity

haha another tl;dr. winston being disposed of is a warmer Fate to assign a character than rian's potential "of course she's friends with dollar bill now" like lmfao Ouch. but yeah of course.

[stoptellinglieslois]

Love fair Act 11

Clark Kent human x Dick Grayson vampire no capes and tights but fangs and might alternative universe Dick pov.

Richard pov

As the play ended we had a standing ovation but my Clark ran off the stage I wouldn't let him get away, The curtain came down and I was off after him. "Clark wait." I yelled after him chasing him it didn't take me long to catch up with him. "Stop why you are running away." I said as we went into the halls.

He freezes as he realises I am real that it was not all in his head. "God help me you found me." His mouth opened in shock. "I told you I would find you Clark that I would come to you and now I have." I smiled at him this time I made sure my fangs stayed well hidden. "Come with me." Clark was alarmed as my hand reached out to him. "No way I mean... no please." He is truly terrified of me. "I will not hurt you I just wish to spend time with you." I soothed but it didn't seem to have any effect on him, He backed up against a locker I made sure I stayed in place and made no sudden movements.

"I came to take over your play Conner seemed to be not good of an actor. I told him I could take over for him and he said yes." I stepped back from him as he was thinking and I could tell what he was thinking about and that was to run away again.

"I don't care about that right now you're a god damn vampire." Clark hushed words made me feel odd, As if not to say the evil out loud so that it won't get you. "Yes I am a vampire I only feed off animals not humans, My kind of lineage adapted to these sorts of traits of not killing and drinking humans." Yes I am not human but I would never hurt him.

"I tell you what we stay here and join the aftermath of the play and we could hang for a bit to get to know each other, I came so far to get here Clark do not shut me out." I told him I didn't move he didn't know what to do with me.

He stared at me not knowing what to say to me but nodded his head I think it was just to agree on whatever I was saying. "Ok there refreshments in the gym there's a lot of people there." My Clark said scared out of his mind he didn't know what to do.

"Let's go then." I side step for him to lead the way he walked on nervous legs and we made it down to the gym. "I would like to know more about you Clark." I said as we entered cheering and applause as we entered the gym it felt good to my icy cold dead heart. "You see that they loved your play." I complimented him. "Please you're not even a kid here that goes to school here." He scolded me.

And right there I see the witch getting closer to us I would wish for her to leave us it wouldn't be wise for her to approach us at all. "Wow Clark who's this I thought Conner was going to play the part of Tristan." Lois came to us with an air of pretence as if she never hurt Clark I wanted to put a stop to it. "He got stage fright and Dick here helped me out. So Lois why did you come here today you didn't have to come you teach home ec and algebra your presence here is not needed." Clark beat me to the punch.

"Well I had to see if you would succeed tonight but it's strange that a student that looks about twenty-four, And my goodness he is not supposed to be in this play." She sounded like an immature girl then a professional high school teacher. "Might as well have stuck out your tongue when you said that the students here have more class than you do." I said that I shouldn't have butt in the way I did but I waited for a while to get the witch and here's my chance.

Students and parents and teachers are looking over their shoulders now paying attention... well I wouldn't even call it a conversation. "Listen Dick." Lois mocked. "Richard." I corrected I wanted to see the measure of her and she suck. "Oh ok Richard I bet you and Kent obviously have had this all planned out let's go and make everyone be star struck as I perform this old play dazzle all the small people." I shook my head this is too much.

"You listen to me Lois Lane you pulled the worst thing that a person can do to another human being, I wish you just disappear you are bottom of the barrel type of a human being and I wish the king cobras had bit you, And if you got poisoned and have left planet earth it would have made the world be a better place without you. I can't believe you have the temerity to talk to me and think you have a pass because tonight show you witch." Now we are gathering a crowd around us this is not what I was expecting for my first outing in decades.

"I have no idea who put those cobras in my car was it you." Lois pretence air fell and her true nature was starting to surface.

"No but I wish it was me I waited there for an actual person to show up on thanksgiving day no less, My hopes of meeting someone was a sham because your lies." Clark is getting angry this is getting heated the crowd were on edge.

"Oh Clark no one wants you I mean look at you nerd of the decade god you were a nerd back then and you're a nerd now." I couldn't believe her humiliating my Clark in front of a room full of people Lois had no chills.

"At least someone gave him fancy gifts not like you no one would ever give you anything only covid though." I interjected. The crowd laughed at my quip I felt good about that.

She is mad at me and the crowd's reaction to my joke she grabbed cake off the table of refreshments. "Covid huh covid here I will give you covid." She hurled the cake towards Clark I went in front of him and took the hit it landed on my tunic and tights.

The crowd went in a frenzy. "Lois you witch." Clark said he also threw chocolate cake at her but it landed on the floor he didn't have good aim.

"Wow Clark you dork." She turned when a tall bald built like an ox type of gentleman who looked down on her. "Lane care to explain to me what's going on tonight why did you throw cake at Kent and company." I was shocked this man saw Clark throw cake but dismissed it and blamed Lois.

"I... they were being rude to me did you not hear what he was saying."

"I heard everything monday morning in my office."

"But."

"Don't." He put his hand up and silenced her and walked away from us. "You and Dick will pay." She walked off and the crowd parted like the red sea.

Later on that evening me and Clark did have a chance to talk we drove to his house, it was a long and awkward drive to his home Clark was not used to me and I understood why my presence alarmed him a bit.

As we pulled up to his house flames and smoke irrupted as the fire fighters were putting out the fire, Clark's mother ran towards his car. "What happened." Clark jumped out of the car and ran towards his inflamed home.

I climbed out of the car watching the fire as the firefighter put out the fire. Clark hugged his mother as his father is being put in a stretcher. "I don't know Clark I was sitting in the kitchen with your father for one minute and the next the whole house is on fire." Martha ash smear face looked at me.

I looked at her back and something about her look was puzzled, Humans couldn't detect us vampires but there was something about Martha that told me she knew something like a secret that only she knew and no one else.

I stared back at her and let her read me. { I offer my home to you and your family.} I Projected that thought to her.

She looked down and looked back at her son's grave expression. "I have somewhere to go I'll take the kids you could stay with my sister in Texas." Clark turned towards me I sent him a signal to come with me.

And he shook his head no.

The end of act 11 on to act 12

Thank you for reading

[spider-jaysart]

3, 4, 8, 9,

@camo-wolf

3. Screenshot or describtion of the worst take that you've seen on Tumblr:

Hmmm, I don't know if I've ever seen any bad takes over here on this site specificly before but I have seen plenty of them on ao3 for sure lol

4. What was the last straw that made you finally block the last person:

I don't really have any actual people that I've blocked for real, only the annoying porn bots, but there is one blog. I won't say who it was, but the last real blog that I had blocked was a Batman fan that got mad because they were offended by some random comment about Batman fans being annoying, so (to uneccesarly take their fustration out on someone else) they made this post where they were complaining about how annoying Supersons fans are just because they rant about the things that happened in canon with Damian and Jon, and it's just like, what????! Every fan in every fandom does that all the time! It's not just the Supersons fans that do it!! And they also tagged it with the Supersons tags too, which was annoying, because not only were they just purposely being rude, they were also trying to be directly offensive to the Supersons fans by making sure that they saw the post by also tagging it "Supersons". So I decided to block them, cause if they were gonna be making posts like that that are literally trying to directly offend Supersons fans just to be rude about something that is very normal for all fans to do, than I didn't want to be bothered by whatever else they decide to post with the Supersons tags under it if it was gonna be like that with them

8. Common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about:

Tim being a tired angry boy that only has happiness for coffee, because in canon he's actually just a happy little friendly nerd lol

Clark being boring just because he's a nice guy with a lot of powers, which is just so wrong because there is just so much more to him than just those two popular things about him that truly makes him a really special character (this is mostly about those who have never actually tried to really learn anything further about him as a character though)

That Batfamily fans are just always trying to ignore and pretend that Bruce Wayne was never an abusive Father to his kids in comics instead of actually just acknowledging it for once and it's just like, uhhh...YEAH! We do ignore it, but that doesn't mean that we ever pretend that he never was a really bad Dad in canon just because we do. We ignore it because we DON'T like that part of canon at all, not because we're trying to let his bad actions from canon slide or whatever like it's nothing, cause that's just completely false. Like we obviously do hold him accountable for every single canon abusive action of his, we just never include them in OUR versions of him because we love and perfer good Batdad a thousand times more than the canon abusive, bad Batdad that comic writers for some sadistic reason just love giving us

(To make it easier to explain, Good Batdad is the one that we perfer to always invite over to hang out with us anytime, while bad Batdad is the one that we always kick out because he is the very annoying guest that we just can't stand to be around lmao)

9. Worst part of canon:

I've got a few of them actually lol

Aged up Jon, abusive Batdad, evil, uncaring Mother Talia Al Ghul, comics where writers purposely do all kinds of injustice to Damian as a character in every way all the time just because they hate him and only see him as some evil child who's forever doomed to only become a villain in the future, when in reality, he's actually supposed to be a character that's growing and learning to become better than before, Alfred's recent death in the main comics universe (just like the rest here, I refuse to acknowledge that Alfred was killed, cause to me he's just one those characters that should never be killed off, because nothings ever truly the same without him. I actually like to believe that he is in fact an immortal being😤, because while that man may indeed be old, he has been around for such, such a very long time in comics now), and the fact that Dick isn't just married to Starfire already even though they're both LITERALLY perfect for eachother and also about how they can't just be a happy canon family with a little Mar'i and Jake to raise either

Thanks for the ask, camo!

[asoulofatlantis]

Before we talk about our next adventure, let me get this out of my system first:

Something is off with Kai I tell you. With the lack of a gameplay-Trailer and the fact that the last two CVs were only scenes from the Opening with voiceover lines that might not even belong to that scene I am kind of worried. Its not just that. This is Falcom, not Square Enix we are talking about. So how high are the chances that we get the Agnes-Grendel-Thingy revealed and that actually truly is something that happens at the end of the Game? Elaine got impaled in one of the later Trailers for Kuro 2 too and this ended up being right at the beginning of the game and just started a series of... events. So what if SOMETHING Major happens, relatively early on in the game that might involve Agnes-Grendel and whatever happens afterwards is somehow so much of a spoiler, that they can not show us any more scenes from the game, because than we could guess whats going on because of... the environment? Or a change in cast? Or... something like this? I just feel like something is off. The overall advertisement for Kai was the worst we ever had. I even saw people from the Japanese side of the fandom complain about the lack of a gameplay-, story- or character-introduction-Trailer. I mean... its less than 4 weeks at this point and I feel like we barely know anything mayor about this game. The biggest surprise was the Agnes-Grendel-thing and that could very well be a red herring. So what the hell is going on? I was worried at first that they might not make it to the release date, but they still advertise the pre-order-bonuses with the release date written all over it... so I guess that is not the case?

Than there is the Sky the first Remake beeing revealed and I am happy about it. I think its a great chance for new people to find their way into the fandom. Heck, I've heard a famous YouTuber who just recently said: "I don't play Anime-Games. I am over 30." (Which honestly made me dislike him a lot, while I did like him before....) is supposedly saying he might consider playing this game. Which is great. The Trails-Fandom could get A LOT bigger with this Remake. BUT there are some thing that bug me a bit. First of all: Switch only for now? WTF?! I do love my Switch, but I do not like it for JRPGs. For games like this I prefer other platforms with... uh... a better performance and uh... the ability to play it on my PC, either directly or via PSRemote. And while I am probably one of the few people using PSRemote, I do know most people prefer their RPGs on a different console or PC too. The next is the voice cast. I am a bit worried about too many changes do to the fact that some of the voice actors might be retired by now or are way too expensive for a game that likely (and hopefully) has a few more voiced lines than the original. Speaking of voiced lines, since Falcom DOESN'T EVEN KNOW who will handle the western release, there is a hight chance that we will not have English voices at all. Which would make A LOT of people reconsider playing this game. This game could be a breaking point for Falcom and the Trails-Fandom and I feel like they are taking way too many risques. Not to mention that they just said that there will only be a Remake for the second Sky game if the first sells well, which is on one hand understandable from an economic standpoint BUT we do know the ending of the game. How can they leave possible new fands hanging with this ending? Most won't find it good enough to get the old Sky SC just to get Joshua and Estelle back together. So... yeah... I really don't know what to think about all that.

And between Kai and Sky and being back to work, I am in a really weird state right now ^^'

We will start Trails in the Sky SC today. But I am not sure how long I will last...

Anyway, since I felt uncomfortable with the "tits" - tag, I will not go back to this tag and chose " Sky2 Mona Version " as the tag this time as well.

Lets see if I get through this game...

[newagesurvivalist]

Jolly capability

The art of the creative is certainly hard; or, if anything else, it is unusual. We can do so many things in life, but the great acts of life lie somewhere in the pedestalled vocations of life, which are just ritualistic repetitions of some deep-seated human need. We are turning and turning in the widening gyre: our life is entirely unpredicteble - indeed, we grasp at straws, or we just seek to do whatever we wish to do - and nothing ever really happens in our world, but there might be, suddenly, a distaster, a calamity, for God's sake. And so we wearily return to our office or workshop, seeing that there is ever only the labour to be done, the toil and sweatful activity that determines our life. We are just a cog in the machine of state.

In work, we see there is a great of trial and error. We can remain stuck in a certain situation, or simply find ourselves confronted with the big blue emptiness of employment. We look for wisdom; this is indeed very hard to find: certainly, it is almost impossible to find. Most jobs have a clear, distinct function. But this function will perhaps also reveal something fundamental of the human condition to us. At the same time, we see that certain individuals have a profound place in history as conduits of the world-process. In economic history, they've tried to subvert all that, to display the world as a process of little people working together. Truly, the effects of leadership versus speculation, toil versus administration, truly makes it look like there is no rhyme at all to history. But we all have to somehow make it all go along fine, because we are all just clever figures; and the best thing in life is indeed to be happy in your work.

Nevertheless, there is the promise of learning. School is deemed the necessary location for young people, even though nothing taught in school really sticks in your mind. There might be things that are truly edifying to learn; namely, the things that will give you some kind of artistic viewpoint of life, but we find that there is nothing really artistic to anything that is done that makes any sense at any level, concrete or abstract; at which point we see that our purpose in life is probably to "make a living" as Kierkegaard said; yet, that is depressing somehow, because I don't see life that way. Verily, Schopenhauer said that we find out at death that we wasted our life, which is even worse to say, but when you think about it, you can specialize in any particular trade and it will still be used for evil ends, or it will just be vain. The worst thing about it all is the confusion in the world. It is true, we really do need a universal language.

The weirdest thing in existence is basically that we can see harmonic truth in the most blatantly trivial thing. And in the weirdest way, the institutions that we deem highest, healthcare, science, defense, culture, these things are altogether trivial in some crazy way, because all that matters in life is to live it, to experience a day of true insight, to ride into history and venture one's life-blood in something everyday, something eternal, which is something Jack Kerouac ruminates about. The great leaps forward in history of course came from people just hanging out and working together, or somehow seeing true class in their dignified colloquy. On the contrary, I will find there is that great liberty in raw emotion; and verily, there is upgrades in something that we cannot really set forth in normal things, because we cannot control astute intensity: the comings and goings of society are lost on us, because we do not allow ourselves to feel the passage of time. I suppose that would be why people prefer a life of crime to a life in the service of a company. I daresay it is still madness though. As Schopenhauer said, the point in life is not to see what has never been seen, but to think what has never been thought.

We are going to die and this is truly a frightening notion, but there will certainly be deliverance in the application of our skills, and to develop ourselves, to become cleverer, more adept men; and to join in society (to make ourselves useful) or to somehow become integrated in the fabric of society, that is to truly excel in our discipline: this is the essence of urbanized life. I don't know what we ought to do in normal situations, but we really do want to aid our fellow man in becoming better; to heal, to come to rest; verily, it is the human desire to perform above all else, to set an example, to make a difference, but in the end all he has is his work.

I don't know what I mean by being yourself. It seems the best advice, for anyone who gets into a social situation, but the thing is we are always already stuck in an inauthentic situation. People can do a variety of things, and the point of our philosophizing is certainly to be the best we can be in any given situation, but the best thing in life is obviously to have a profound sense of what our life is worth. History can certainly give us insight, but it scarcely can provide a meritocratic answer to life's predicament - and the purpose of work is probably to get and achieve glory. Is philosophy glorious? Certainly, it is only a way of life, a method to delimit our useless wallowing. Certainly, history is where the essential knowledge is located: but I daresay it yields little in terms of bounty, because we simply need a life's work, and history can be a life's work, but then you choose hard work over reflection, body over mind. The happiest we can become is always to simply have money, have food and have good health, and these things we tend to have o'er the majority of our life, so there really isn't that much to regret about life. But, as Thomas Carlyle said, the reward of work is not money, but the labour with which the money is earned. So I daresay, any job can be good and it is not better to be a philosopher nor to be a historian, or a mailman or a priest, but we must apply ourselves to any job and focus our attention on it. Above all things, man must be glad to have some wisdom, that he may live life the way he wants and not in some way that was in some fashion thrust upon him.

I daresay we really don't have any real resurrection in the facility of normal action; forsooth, we lose all semblance of rationality in the contrivance of meritocratic motion and so we are total fools, but an ordinary man may make sense of the sessions of government and so grow wiser in some inexorable way; making him, truly, the hero of his latter day happiness. However, we see there is a consistency in the application of virtue, because there is truly just consistent villainy in the contours of meritocracy, and someone may consider the truth malleable and yet never do anything appropriate in his feeling; why, in fact, he is just a lacklustre fool who builds castles in the air, and his endless striving is a meaningless parade in which there is no deliverance; why, the truth is that he is just a fool who wants the best he can have, but there is no calibration possible in the confines of normal attitude and his feelings are vapid; so, in truth, there may be results that stem from his application, but he will lose all his feelings, all his focus to the simplicity of his ordinance, and therefore he will not be able to set forth his liberty: certainly, his best work may yet be waiting, but he has no idea what is real in the totality of existence, so what is really going on is that he may set things in motion (against all odds) and in this way become a glorious creator of a better sense of the eternal world. But these are all insidious affairs. The great men of the world build castles along rivers and organize vast organizations even though they may never see the end of the vast parade of enemies and jesters who seek to undermine the logic of the world with dangerous cutthroat practices. Still, there may be some kind of salvation in this ordinary situation of everyday toil. As we ply the streams of happy despair, we acknowledge the deliverance of the everyday commanders of the longue durée, who will at some point show us what is there and what is not there; and visceral highwaymen will at that point seek to trivialize our contentment in a fell swoop of distinction and misery. However, we will see there is hope in the final moments of our agony. In the fear of lacklustre freedom, suddenly, because of the slow progress of the social institutions and the revolution of the populace against the power-hungry despots and chieftains, there might be an upgrade against the terrors of our hope and glory, and our temperance will arise suddenly in the vexation of our deep life, bringing us, finally, to a greater kind of repose or a higher love. And this, of course, is the promise of religion. This is the calling of history. This is, then, the completion of philosophy.

[troglobite]

lskdjf

christ this is the most melodramatic self-pitying bullshit i've ranted about in a LONG time, just leave it be, honestly.

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all i do is spend time alone

and sometimes there are good conversations through text (hello, you know who you are lol)

but i'm physically so alone.

and so i just want to spend Time Together.

but she spends every day with every person in the world demanding things of her.

she wants to watch stuff to relax and unwind.

i do it all day to fill my empty useless time feeling bad and lonely and like a loser because i have nothing in my life.

and i do my best to let her have that time because it's sacred and important and rare, and i get it

but also i just don't want to be alone

i want to spend time together and watch stuff and hang out and be in the same room even if we're not doing stuff

and we kind of did that yesterday. kind of. we both fell asleep. and she had shit to do. and i didn't. and i'm just tired and miserable.

and honestly having nothing to do and nothing to talk about wrt my life means i don't like talking to other people. i'm miserable to talk to. i don't HAVE anything interesting to say. i'm just sad and tired and stuck in waiting mode.

and so the only person who i'm completely comfortable around, who i WANT to be around, who is HERE for me to be around, no expectations or anything--

she needs to NOT be around people at all, including me.

and i get it. i'm not HURT by it. i don't take it personally. it's not that.

i'm just sad and pathetic and alone. and i don't have the kinds of relationships with people online, etc., that are fulfilling in the same way. i'm on guard in some way or On wrt my brain in some way, and typing is an effort where making a face or a sound effect isn't, for me.

and mostly it just gives me time to think about how disappointing i am.

i get it--every year fewer people remember my birthday. even the ones who get fb notifications for it. lol

i don't reach out. i'm not active anywhere. my life is stymied by covid and disability.

and i AM grateful for the ppl in my life who i love and love me.

that's not the problem or whatever.

it's just feeling like i'm disappearing into a black hole. no longer feelings like i'm a whole person. i'm scraps of my personality and interests over time.

and it just takes so much effort to make friends and talk to people and learn new things--and every time i'm like, for what?

spend that effort and then what? then what do i do? then what happens?

that's so much effort and i just don't think i'm currently stable and strong enough to weather a lot of rejection and hardship. i fully admit i'm weak and pathetic, honestly. in a LOT of way.

this is why i don't do "inner child" work. not only do i resent younger me for all of that shit, for being annoying and irritating and whatever else, maybe even selfish, i also resent them because they ended up HERE.

and i KNOW they'd resent and fear me.

they had such lofty ideas of who they'd grow up to be. and i've met exactly none of them. not even the backup to the backup ideas.

i haven't lived a life. i haven't DONE anything.

i truly, TRULY feel like i'm a background character who could very easily be erased and forgotten. people would go on the fanwiki or similar page and i'd be a stub article and people would go "wait, who? OHHHH right, THAT one. huh. yeah i never noticed they just disappeared. weird. oh well, that happens."

i am so many of my child-self's worst fears realized, and not in a way that makes me feel spitefully proud in the face of the world's bullshit.

being alone. being highly dependent. not achieving anything. having no/very few friends. not being successful.

i was afraid of being gay and i am but like so what? i've had no relationship or dating life to speak of. so i am both gay, what i was afraid of, and alone, what i was afraid of. hilarious.

i live at home and i'm now at the very beginning of my 30th year of life. what am i even DOING?

and i know. many parts of this aren't like. MY fault.

i didn't make the pandemic. i didn't choose capitalism and imperialism and state-sanctioned genocides of multiple kinds and government "failures" (because they did exactly what they wanted to do).

and before that, i didn't choose for people to traumatize me into being afraid of doing anything in my life.

i didn't even choose to be BORN.

i chose and loved many things over the course of my life so far but so quietly. and only for praise. because that was the only way to feel momentarily Safe.

i am an intrusion to so many people in so many ways, and it really hurts when i'm reminded of that.

and i don't really know how to stop it because i'm just afraid. the risks are too great.

and i'm sure my therapist wants to punch me sometimes for being like this. for being like "yeah, i see your suggestions. i see these different options. the risks of them are not worth the possible outcomes, especially knowing that i would absolutely have to deal with NEGATIVE outcomes before reaching any good stuff."

i also hate when people are like this. like me.

they know what the problem is but they refuse to do anything about it

i guess i just feel like--i've TRIED. i've TRIED to do things about it. i've TRIED things that were scary. but they came with too many other scary things and i didn't know how to handle them or what to do.

i still occasionally think about the social hour that the grad program i entered had when we were all visiting. we got taken on a tour, they took us to the department's favorite bar/hangout spot.

and i tried socializing. i tried being normal and talking. but i was going to head out early just to save myself, and i don't drink. i don't drink, so they immediately thought it was weird.

and i just remember everybody at the table tapering off and going to the literal adjacent table and turning their backs to me and leaving me with a guy that none of them liked.

i was really trying. i was trying to ask questions and be involved and engage with the stuff they brought up.

i can't do a play by play to figure out what i did wrong. it was 4.5-5 years ago at this point, it wasn't recorded.

but somehow i still did it wrong.

it's not that the people in my life aren't enough. it's that i don't feel like enough for them or anyone else.

i wish i was Less of what/who i am and More of a better and more interesting and happier person.

and most days i can just coast by and not think about it too deeply.

but i've spent all day in my room because our house is small and there's only one big tv and my mom's been watching movies and shows all day. and she doesn't get to do it often. and everybody always needs something from her. and this is her only real alone time to veg out and relax and enjoy media and Not Think.

so i HAVE to give that to her. i WANT to. i want her to be happy and enjoy things and have time.

i do this a lot. as much as i can pretty much every weekend.

it's just different because my birthday felt like a waste and a disappointment and so did yesterday and now so is today and i'm just wondering what the fucking point of anything is.

and it's stupid but we watched stepbrothers last night and like--listen, all nuance and critique and whatever aside, it's funny. it's a silly ridiculous thing to have on tv and zone out for the night and talk during commercials etc.

but it just. every time, now. i am becoming the people they make fun of all the time for still living with their parents and not having a real job and never having had any real relationships and like zero friends and no life and just staying at home.

they made a whole movie about how i and people like me are complete laughable failures.

they don't even think of it that way, honestly, because the comedy angle of the movie is actually quite specific. it start with the premise but stays in the Ridiculous and Farcical and goes from there.

but 40 year old virgin

"living in their mom's basement" type shit

like it doesn't MATTER to me that these are capitalistic standards people have adopted without thinking. it doesn't MATTER that these are values that i don't hold, that i mock and deride. it doesn't matter how much my therapist is like "internalized ableism"--yes, it's true, whatever.

my problem is that if my failures weren't the kind of fodder for public mockery that makes millions of dollars and makes people laugh all the time--including me!--i might not feel so fucking stuck and stupid.

but my life is such a disappointment.

"pleasure to have in class" "bright future" "we need people like you in the field" "you're too good to just give up, but i also respect that you know yourself and your life better" "of course you passed, now we're just talking about paperwork" "please keep in touch and let me know how things are going on! i absolutely want to hear!"

no you don't.

you might've if i'd done anything.

i'm an empty useless wasted husk of a person and all the time i feel apologetic for inflicting myself on people, and on the flipside never being enough for them. i hold back. i'm not myself partly because i'm afraid of the consequence and partly because i don't even know who/what i am. because if you strip away all the superficial shit about things i like or watch or whatever, what even is left? a mean bitter loser who completely wasted their life and potential? someone who hasn't even been through enough bullshit & trauma to be sympathetic? and to be clear i mean that nothing i've been through is bad enough for anyone to really. Care. it's all so middle of the road boring stupid "jfc, you were traumatized by THAT?" type shit. i have like. barely any stories of how "bad" everything was.

everything was bad because i'm bad.

like for example

that thing going around about cutting kids' sandwiches in fucked up ways on purpose to make the kids exasperated or amused?

i legitimately think i would've cried or panicked about that as a kid.

why?

WHY?

i would've been like--did i do something wrong? did i miss something? is this normal?

and then finding out that it was a joke i would've been like

oh. okay. i didn't react right. i didn't laugh. and now people are laughing AT me. and i fucked up. and now my sandwich isn't even right. but who am i to demand a fucking sandwich cut the "right" way? i should just make it myself.

i would've felt destabilized by the idea that my parents would disrupt the predictability of my lunch for the day by doing that, and making all the sandwich stuff unevenly distributed and difficult to eat.

because apparently THAT'S who i am as a person.

every autistic and adhd person i know has thought that was hilarious.

and i also think it's funny!

i just wouldn't have as a kid.

why am i like this? why can't i STOP being like this?

i just don't think i've offered much to the world or Been enough in general to justify existing.

to be clear, dying on purpose is not a possibility for me as i see it. 1. i'm too afraid. 2. i know at least some people would be sad. 3. it would be too much effort and work and trauma for other people.

it's best if i just completely fix myself or just quietly disappear as much as i can. and i try. but i hate it.

what do i even WANT as the alternative? i don't like being around a lot of people all the time. i hate having expectations on me. i struggle even replying to DMs and texts most of the time. i left someone on read for 2 weeks because i was tired and distracted, and when i replied i lied and said that instagram hid the notif from me and i didn't see until someone else dmed me.

eating is hard. i'm tired of all the same shit all the time. but i'm too tired and uninspired to cook. it's too likely that i'll get it wrong or not notice a missing ingredient until it's too late. i've done that every time i've tried to make dinner to help my mom.

i'm truly just an epic fucking waste of space and money. and i try to be happy and change myself in any way to make life easier for the people around me.

i try to keep doing what i've been told to do, and keep reaching out to friends even when they don't reach out first. and it never helps.

it never gets better.

i fulfill specific roles/needs for them and anything outside of that is just too much, apparently, and they do it begrudgingly.

i hate feeling like people pity me but resent that they pity me.

but it's reality.

just fuck all of this i'm so fucking done.

[arleney]

I have feelings about Buffy and Spike and the end of season 6.

It was not out of character for Spike to attack Buffy in Seeing Red. They were not in the middle of an enemies-to-lovers thing. He is a neutered monster that she hangs around because all of her closest friends have betrayed her (with, in my opinion, varying degrees of good intentions) and her baby sister told her she needs to act grateful about it. She loves them and she’s trying it’s just genuinely painful to look at them, so sometimes she goes to the crypt instead.

Spike had some nice moments! but he also put her in an extreme amount of danger when he was trying to “prove his love.” I watched Crush the other day and I realized that was probably the closest she’s come to dying since she actually died. (Harmony probably saved her life??) Also he says some really gross things to her after they have sex, to try and put them on more even ground. If he’s a disgusting monster then so is she; she “came back wrong” so she doesn’t deserve to spend time with the people she loves. It makes total sense that he would force himself on her to make her remember her feelings.

Because he’s a soulless monster who does not understand that they haven’t been dating. Buffy has not been giving into her “feelings” and just been kind of embarrassed about it or whatever. She has been using him to hurt herself because that’s better than feeling nothing. There is a song about it.

I feel like that moment she looks at him with utter loathing and disgust is the moment he understands how much he is missing. The kind of love he feels is not the kind of love someone like Buffy would appreciate or want. Acting nice some of the time is not the same thing as being a good person. Lack of violence is not proof of regard. Violence is not proof of regard either. So he goes to fight for his soul.

Buffy and Spike have such an interesting dynamic. I truly love both of them separately and together. I have a whole other set of feelings about how Spike generally sees past her masks and would be willing to follow her wherever she goes, which her friends will not do. (This being clearly spelled out is one of the most interesting parts of season 7, to me.) Or how Buffy treats him like just some guy after he’s spent a few centuries in a Whirlwind.

I just wish people would stop ignoring the worst aspects of both characters because they want a cute romance. That is not what’s going on.

[nozomijoestar]

9, 10, 13 & 16

@scalproie | meme

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9. worst part of canon

I can't stand a work that is lazy, where it's evident it's full of itself. Works that talk a lot and get pretentious a lot but have nothing to say; double if they're trying to rip off/homage other works that used their tools better, as if wearing someone's skin alone makes you as capable and just like them. Basically too much ego and too much capitalist dick sucking, work that doesn't allow itself to show or have vulnerability, that key part of raw humanity. Something that is about Man but not A Man, and has lost any hope of having a universal message or feeling or even aesthetic connection as a result. Something that wants to make everyone happy and ends up reinforcing vile behavior or oppressive systems because in trying to appeal to everyone, all it did was become better propaganda.

10. worst part of fanon

Aside from the eternal plague that is reader x canon fics, it's both how white dominated it can be, and how often it brings out the worst of all humanity is capable of. Every evil a human being can commit is expressed wrapped in the pretty packaging of words like Community and Acceptance and Charity- as it purposefully degrades people of color, salutes racism as its flag, glorifies abuse and rape and incest and pedophilia and grooms people into life long trauma, centers ego, misunderstands and refuses to understand art, sees art as commodity, and is built on enshrining predators of every kind from all walks of life. Crabs in the capitalist bucket.

13. worst blorboficiation

I have to talk about this I have to but like there are two big ones and the most obvious one is FF/XIV's Em/t Se/ch because fascist eugenicist imperialism inventing dictator who the story goes out of its way to wooby even in his death- which speaks to how overwhelmingly white or deranged FF fans tend to run BUT that's the low hanging fruit

The one I truly don't understand is G'r/ha T/a, the fact that I even have to censor his name because his fans need mental help and they will kill you or like cut off their own skin and toes for their shrines and whatever (I have seen things, I have seen things, and most of them are pedophiles too and manipulative and abusive it is a trend, not an absolute but a trend)

But this man like he can do anything and people say he's just a little baby, he's just their little skrunckly blorbo bestie and I'm like bitch...this man gambled with the player's life and gambled with their npc friend's lives for his schemes, you ALL could have easily DIED, AND HE DIDN'T EVEN TELL YOU AND WHEN HE DOES HE GIVES THE FAKEST APOLOGY THAT CENTERS HIM AS STILL BEING RIGHT FOR IT, because he didn't want to worry and cause problems for people if they knew and he didn't want anyone going off script and he's always guilting people into taking pity on him with these wishy washy apologies every time he manipulates or imposes on people he's even like Oh The Solution To This Problem Would Be My Suicide Ohh How Awful But Necessary *hint hint nudge nudge* so that another npc can be like Oh No Don't Do That We'll Find Another Way! My Vaste in the corner like No You Should Kill Yourself... Now!

Like even the way you first meet him he knows the gravity of what you're looking for and he STILL wants to force you on a wild goose chase for his ego and for the sillies and when he introduces himself he's like Wasn't I So Quirky? about it. Then also he barely knows you; you knew each other for like a few days before he sealed himself in the tower, then when an alternate timeline version of him is freed he spends A HUNDRED YEARS trying to snatch you into his house. Like WHAT? WHAT? I'VE KNOWN YOU FOR FIVE SECONDS AS COWORKERS MF WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU. He never gives you a REAL apology or learns from anything in retrospect.

And also the game NEVER gives you any options to disagree with him, you can at least tell Em/t off but for all the shady shit this fucker did the game physically will not allow you to be upset with him for his actions EVER. You're supposed to always just understand it was for something bigger than you and never take genuine or lasting issue with any wrongs. Or even mention them again. And I say this too because literally after he just gambled your life away and is manipulating and hiding things from you- HE STILL BEGS THAT YOU BE HIS FRIEND AND THAT YOUR ARE HIS FRIEND AND YOU SHOULD TAKE HIM WITH YOU, BECAUSE HE LITERALLY HAS NO LIFE OUTSIDE OF STALKING AND WORSHIPING THE PLAYER. HE HAS NO GOALS THAT DON'T INVOLVE THE PLAYER.

His ENTIRE personality revolves around being someone who saves chewing gum someone they like spat out so they can sniff it in their room but if that was supposed to be heroic and sweet. People get on Lili in Tekken with Asuka? YOU PEOPLE DON'T KNOW CRAZY, OK. MOST OF YOU JUST HATE WOMEN. There was even an interview with the lead writer who made him and she's like she would prefer if everyone loves him so this blorbo shit started from the source and has only gotten worse. I have lost contact with people for not playing into it, I have seen anyone who criticizes him even if they like him get bashed. JUST THE OTHER DAY- someone told me they're LITERALLY SCARED, FOR REAL SCARED of ever posting ANY negative words about him. People even write their CHARACTERS as being scared to say anything bad about him. I can post the receipt.

His fans are not even blorboing him at this point this is psychotic episode shit and I can say that as someone who suffers psychotic episodes and delusions in real life.

The cult around this man is mental illness levels of breaking down. He even steals your player chance in game to recreate a scene from the EW expac trailer where in the trailer it's supposed to be the player stand in who saves Alisae! Also he keeps you in the dark then tries killing himself in front of you as a sacrifice because he wanted it to be a dramatic reveal of his undying love etc etc. He's a complete sniveling little manipulative creep who treats lives like chess pieces he's entitled to. AND he has the nerve to be fucking ugly as shit too. He looks like a botox car crash.

I can't STAND the blorbofication the ONLY reason that could've happened is because the average MMO player is already a megalomaniac and egocentric so they love the thought of having someone who unconditionally licks their ass crack, no matter what they do or who they are by their actions. He's also such a non-character from a writing perspective; the moment you remove the W/oL from his equation there is no character left. But this also makes his sole literary function as the Adoring Fan But If He Kept Dead Bodies Dressed As You In His Closet all the more obvious and readable.

Listen the best way I can say it is like, CANON G'rah/ is the worst of what FANON Emilie "Lili" de Rochefort is. And he doesn't even have the potential justifications or restraint (Lili having restraint, LILI; Queen Faggot herself!) or narrative points of canon Lili toward Asuka. He's just 100% a controlling presumptive turd from the beginning. And people blorbo this behavior because they think it's cute. They think possessiveness and self destruction and unthinking projection is cute and quirky and zany. And probably because from those I've spoken with it seems like no one has ever loved them irl so now they think this is love and what they're entitled to. He's that Weird Al song 'Do I Creep You Out?' played straight.

The game also makes stalkers cute with how it treats Nashu's stalker in the Hildy quests. This game is just really terrible tbh outside of playing dress up and killing things.

16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

A lot of the popular general fandom tropes that have endured and are considered classic, a lot of them revolve around taking control and autonomy away from people for how "cute" it could be. Do you ever notice that? There's this sort of codified list for how to find joy in envisioning stand-ins for people are if they were your dolls, where everything goes wrong for them and they don't have choices outside those you make for them. I feel like this is a common thread in the psyche of most people who turn to fandoms, especially hard fans. There seems to be a subconscious desire to control and force their will on people around them, because often they are powerless and are looking for a place of absolute power. In being bullied they have become a bully.