#truly the only times he has clicked for me is through Betrayals

[companionquest]

I know I said I was gonna make character tags (and I still intend to) but I feel like the reason only my Solas one (egg propaganda) is consistent is cuz I’m actively trying to figure out my take on him. The sheer force of solavellan fans has baffled me. I like him better the more evil he is. His design is boring. His design is awesome. I’ve loved Gareth David Lloyd for years he’s the only Cameo I’ve ever bought for myself. I really don’t understand the Solas hype. I consider Solas the lynchpin of the franchise. He’s bullyable, he’s tragic, he’s a jerk, he’s dumb, he’s a genius, he’s a god, he has no friends, he built an army, he’s funny, he’s boring, he’s bald.

He just eludes me!!

[dragonologist-phd]

Introducing: Marja Aeducan

In Summary:

Grey Warden, Commander of the Grey, Arlessa of Amaranthine, Paragon

Noble Dwarf

Warrior (Champion/Berserker)

Main Weapon: Two-Handed Battleaxe

Commanding; Decisive; Perfectionist; Honorable

Relevant Fic: Of Diamonds And Dust, Shapes in the Silence

more rambling:

Origin:

Endrin's golden child with open ambitions for the throne

She earned the respect and admiration of many through her skill with both military and diplomatic strategies. Despite this, she had few real friends; Gorim and Bhelen were the only people she truly trusted

Her main hindrance was that she does deeply believe in Orzammar's values and system of honor. She considers breaking that honor to be an action borne of weakness and a betrayal of the Ancestors, and holds herself to high standards even when others don't

As such, she refused to kill Trian and was devastated that everyone was so quick to believe she did. She vowed to return, reveal the truth, and take her rightful place as queen

She became a Warden alongside Darvis Brosca, who was recruited by Duncan at the same time

Major Choices:

Negotiated peace with Dalish and werewolves

Allowed Isolde to sacrifice herself for the good of Redcliffe

Saved the mages at the Circle

Defiled the Ashes of Andraste (long story)

Destroyed the Anvil and, after much strife, crowned Bhelen king of Orzammar (again, long story)

Allowed Alistair to duel and kill Loghain at the Landsmeet. Placed Anora on the throne alone

Would have sacrificed herself to the archdemon, had Darvis not performed the Dark Ritual with Morrigan

Party Dynamics:

Best friends with Alistair. They clicked immediately; he was relieved and reassured to have someone so decisive take the lead after Ostagar, and she was endeared (and occasionally baffled) by his sincere support and friendship

Grew fond of Sten over time. They got off on the wrong foot, but eventually learned to communicate better and realized they had a lot in common

Thinks Shale is the coolest and peppered it constantly with questions it couldn't remember the answers to. Shale was annoyed occasionally, but also flattered

Her friendship with Oghren can be complicated, but he understands her conflicting feelings toward Orzammar like few can. They've both been betrayed by their Caste, they both feel indebted to their society despite that, and they both resist talking about those feelings and end up drinking together about them instead

If I talk about Darvis we'll be here all day but suffice to say they hated each other at first, then with time and growth on both their parts formed a very strong bond. They're narrative foils; they're reluctant friends; they're ride-or-die comrades; they're in-laws. They're everything to me

Romance:

Has a genuinely sweet romance with Leliana, whose own complicated past with politics and court life gives her insight to Marja's conflict; Marja, in turn, finds Leliana's ability to find beauty in the world inspiring

Unfortunately, some of the beliefs they hold can't be reconciled, and eventually put strain on their relationship. When Marja's desecration of the ashes at Haven is revealed, they break up for good

Despite resolutions to forgo romance afterwards, she finds herself charmed by Sigrun's cheerful pragmatism and determination, and the two begin an informal relationship

Epilogue:

She survives her encounter with the archdemon, but is left with aftereffects; these mainly manifest as chronic pain and a heightened sensitivity to the Blight. Due to her chronic pain and the resulting exhaustion on her body, she takes to using a cane to get around

Becomes Arlessa of Amaranthine and commands the Fereldan Wardens from a strategic role, while Solenne Kader is sent from Orlais to act as commander in the field

Her Calling begins early, and she begins making arrangements for her last mission. Alistair and Sigrun manage to convince her to quest for a cure instead. She and Sigrun leave together on this quest, and haven't been seen since

Misc:

She acquires an interest in herbalism while on the surface, and keeps a book of dried flowers and plants she's collected

Despite being raised in luxury, she'll choose practicality over fashion every time, and doesn't really miss the jewels and trinkets she acquired as a Noble. What she does miss are the luxurious hot baths powered by the lava pools of Orzammar

While she always kind of knew she was a lesbian, she never acted on it due to the social pressures in Orzammar over having children. Her time on the surface during the Blight was the first time she was really able to explore her sexuality and general gender presentation, and it was a lot to wrap her head around

Although she doesn't have or want children of her own, she is the Cool Aunt to no less than four kids (Kieran, Gorim's kid, Oghren's kid, and Baby Endrin)

The game mabari imprinted on Darvis rather than her; howeever, during the Awakening era, Anora gifts her a mabari puppy which she names Astyth

Shortly after her reunion with Gorim in Denerim, she has an identity crisis and indulged in one of my favorite tropes, the Dramatic Character Moment Haircut (before and after pictured below)

[coffeebanana]

trick or treat

HAHA WDYM IT'S NOT HALLOWEEN ANYMORE PFFFFFT

but ANYWAYS. here's a little ficlet inspired by nastic and thigmotropic movement in plants. as you requested ages ago 😂

i meant for a little light angst. but, uh...it did not turn out that way. blame ladrien--all they wanted to do was make out

.......

“Isn’t it cool?” 

The enthusiasm in Adrien’s voice made Ladybug smile, but it failed to draw her attention to the video playing from his phone. Which was his own fault, really—for being so irresistible. And for letting her get far too comfortable in her current position, lying on his chest on the sofa in his room, lazily trailing her toes against his calf as the video’s musical accompaniment petered out.

“Mhm,” she mumbled into his T-shirt, her own hot breath puffing back at her. “The coolest.”

“That’s all you have to say?”

She shrugged, taking the opportunity to snuggle in a little closer. “Mmm. Tired.”

A chuckle rumbled through his chest, and as his arms tightened around her waist, Ladybug had only one thought: I never want this moment to end.

Then Adrien betrayed her.

She squealed as he began tickling her sides—lightly at first, then harder as she struggled to bat his hands away. Just as she started to run out of breath, he finally relented. She pushed herself up, pinning his arms by his side and blowing a tuft of hair out of her face as she glared down at him. “Hey!”

He smirked. “You weren’t watching.” 

“I was too!”

He merely quirked an eyebrow. 

“Oh yeah? So what was it about?”

“It was, well, you know. It was…” She gestured vaguely with one hand, scowling when his smile only widened. “Okay, fine. I wasn’t watching.”

He clicked his tongue. “Such betrayal—the likes of which I’d never imagine from one who claims to love me.”

Fighting back a smile, Ladybug rolled her eyes. If she’d had known Adrien could be this dramatic before she’d started dating him, then…well, she wouldn’t have changed a thing. But he didn’t need to know that.

“I guess I’ll need to find some way to repay you,” she said, trying to feign boredom. But she couldn’t help the way her eyes slid to his lips.

And she definitely couldn’t help the way her stomach fluttered when he noticed where her eyes had landed. His breath hitched, eyes glued to hers as she leaned down, sliding a hand down his arm, fingers grazing wrist, and… A-ha!

Stealing his phone right from his hand, she quickly rolled off his chest, laughing at his squawk of protest. She landed in a crouch on the floor, phone clutched to her chest. “What’s wrong? I thought you wanted me to watch it.”

He let out a low whine, running a hand through his already dishevelled hair. Ladybug bit her lip, hoping the pain might distract her from the warmth pooling in her stomach. And between her legs. 

“I…did,” he said. It seemed almost painful for him to admit.

Ladybug was starting to have regrets of her own. But she had to see this through. “W-well, good then. Great!” She turned away from him, settling in cross-legged on the floor with her back against the couch. “I’ll just do that then.”

She raised the phone up to eye-level, only to be met by a locked screen.

Adrien laughed. “Need some help with that?”

“I mean, I guess. If you really want to.”

“Oh, I do.” He shifted onto his side, then slid his arm slowly past her shoulder, taking his time to punch in the code. His face hovering right beside hers. He gave her arm a squeeze when he finally retreated, breath whispering against her cheek. “Enjoy.”

Right. The video.

This time, Ladybug truly tried to pay attention. It was some time lapse of a plant curling its way up a wooden post, and even if she didn’t quite get the appeal, she loved that Adrien was so excited about it. 

But he wasn’t making it easy to focus.

“You know,” he whispered, lips grazing her ear. “The way it moves at the beginning is because it’s seeking out stimuli.” 

“Uh-huh...” 

It took every bit of her self-control not to lean towards him as he pulled away. 

Luckily, she wasn’t deprived of his presence for long. He set a hand on her shoulder as the video came to an end.

“And when it winds its way up the post…” His fingers slipped down to her bicep, curling around her arm to mimic the plant’s trajectory. “Well, then it’s just responding to touch.”

“Imagine that,” she gasped. Her back arched as his lips ghosted across her neck.

“So..." He nuzzled her cheek. "What did you think of the video, Love Bug?”

Ladybug closed her eyes and turned her head, blindly seeking the warmth of his lips. 

She smiled when they connected. “I think it might have taught me a few things.”

[prismaticpichu]

Cloud tells his mom about Sephiroth locking himself in the basement and he hasn't eaten in days. She figures that is just NOT GOOD and makes him a home cooked meal and a jug of lemonade and determinedly goes to the mansion to deliver it...

Heck yeah! Them maternal instincts kicking IN! ❤️

Claudia is not at all unnerved by the ambience of the manor. Not in the slightest. She has the rawest of Nibelheim hearts, desensitized to anything and everything the town has to throw at her. Cobwebs? Nah. Creaky stairs? Please! She’s wrapped her delivery in layers upon layers of tinfoil so a speck of dust can’t so much as LOOK in the direction of her food. It was for the sad, confused military man!

Sephiroth is as oblivious as ever as she reaches the room, his nose buried in a book and about half of the library’s arsenal scattered around him.

“Excuse me… Sir?”

Sephiroth stiffens, and his world blips. It isn’t that fuzzy shape’s voice that he heard just then, pleading for him to come back, pleading for the 100th time. It’s… different. Completely different. Satiny, almost. Velvety.

Loving,

Is this—

Sephiroth’s voice leaves him in a crack. “…Mother?”

Claudia, standing by the door, is very confused. But it’s an amused confusion that flashes across her face.

“You can say that, dear. I’m Cloud’s mother. He came here with you on the mission.” She smiles. “He’s told me a lot about you.”

Sephiroth turns around then. The names don’t click in his mind, almost ricocheting. The only thing that truly sticks—that matters—is the fact that she is NOT his mother. She is no one then. Irrelevant.

“Get out,” Sephiroth snarls, that previous awe draining from his eyes. “Now.”

Claudia, though, is not deterred. Not in the slightest. She sees his eyes, and sees the ink splotched all around them. Clear as daylight, dark as bruises. Dark as the ones her poor Cloud used to come home with. These books—they are bullies. That’s what they are. They are hurting him. He needs to get out of here.

And by Gaia, he is so thin. So pale. He needs to eat!

Sephiroth takes a step back as Claudia steps forward, the unearthly shape of his eyes quivering. But them maternal instincts are already activated. She carefully unwraps the big, delicious grilled Chocobo and hands it out to him, her voice soft and gentle, channeling all the nights and tears and solaces ribboned between the very essence of her motherly soul.

“Would you like to talk about it?”

Maybe it’s the way she said it. Maybe it was the way she looked while saying it. Maybe it was how good the Chocobo smelled in that dusty library. Something in Sephiroth splinters then—a toxic, steely fortress mortared with instinct and vulnerability cracking from her presence. And a fortress can’t stand with one crack; so it crumbles entirely.

They sit together on the floor, and Sephiroth tells her everything. He breaks into a sob, telling of his friends, how he can’t let go of their betrayal, how it still stings. He tells her of the revelations in the Reactor, of what flowed through his veins and the lies he was built around.

And Claudia listens. She listens, and she tells him that it’s okay. Over and over and over. That it’s not his fault. That nothing is. That he’s…

“Dear…” Claudia takes her plate back, only shiny white bones remaining. “You are not a monster.”

There’s something about the way she says it—the kindness in her voice, the tenderness in her eyes, the warmth of her aura… Sephiroth brushes his hair aside, sniveling.

He thinks he believes her.

They leave the manor that very night, Claudia’s love squeezing through his plated shoulder as they return to the surface of the town. Zack pulls Sephiroth into a hug and thanks Claudia profusely for bringing him back, and as Sephiroth hugs him back, as he starts to cry, Cloud watches the scene unfold with a whole spectrum damn full of questions. He goes to stand beside his mother.

“Wow, Ma. What did you do to get the general back?”

Claudia only smiles. “Just what every mother knows best.”

And all of a sudden there’s a giant silver-haired man guy thing towering over Cloud in the family photo. Yippie-do!

[ladysomething]

I know I said I wanted it to be bigger than I love you but I also said I trusted you even if it was and as always you delivered because my heart was absolutely broken with how raw his confession was and how it was answered and I think maybe because just like Charles I didn't fully understand how bad it was, it's like I could see why he was scared for Charles but I couldn't fully understand it but this chapter it finally clicked.

I feel like Charles will be pushed into retirement after this season wether he wins it or not and what happened this chapter will be used against him.

Also I think Jean luc is on Max's side but he can also understand Charles that's why everytime he does one of his stupid plans he doesn't yell at him, sure he tells him Max is good but he doesn't show much anger towards him because he can see the fear Charles is dealing with, but I think this time he's gonna be upset with Charles because of what he said to Max.

It would be nice if once Sophi is talking about being an omega with Charles, she also mentions the part that Max is conflicted to show Charles, the part that despite showing it in the past and revealing the reason behind it Charles through his anger and fear completely ignored it and I don't think he's gonna get this part of Max back easily, he absolutely shattered his heart into pieces and destroyed his trust, worst than that he compared him to his dad. Max have had all these insecurities about wether he turns into a monster like Jos or not and despite working hard and believing in himself for all he's done what Charles said it's gonna break him.

I kinda wanna smack Charles because of what he said to Max after Max pour his heart out for him but at the same time I can see why he acted the way he did, he's already confuse and scared and suddenly everything he knew was wrong, he has been taking care of himself on his own for too long that he only believes in what he thinks is right and having Max of all people caring for him, loving him is far from a truth he used to believe in. And everyone constantly keeps everything from him to protect him in their words which makes the truth more unbelievable for him.

And Max, god the way you wrote him and his confession made me almost crying for him I mean I did cry a bit cause the way he knows Charles won't love him back,the way accepted that and then Charles once again accuses him of being someone, something he hates the most in the world and that's where it breaks him and we see the look of betrayal he felt in that moment.

I just want to hug them and give them a happy moment like I don't even know if Max will be in Charles dream this time or if Charles can finally try to understand Max, if he will try to reach him this time. And it's just so heartbreaking seeing their pain being mostly cause by the world around them but consciously and unconsciously they are the ones who twist the knife more and hurt each other more.

And omg the team with that contract,like wtf I wrong with you all,I kinda wish Max would have told him despite Charles believing it or not, he deserved to know what was happening to him and his life especially after Max realized Charles is gonna doe everything to be out of that contract,I know he wanted Charles to want this himself and believed him when he was sweet to him even if a part was actually the truth,and completely understand why he kept it secret but the way Charles realized how far everything about his life was out of him hands now god that was hurtful almost as much as his cruel words towards Max...

This was such a beautiful Chapter that I'm at awe. I don't what to say to show much I loved it I don't think if I can find enough words for, I just know that I'm gonna start the next Chapter with watery eyes while feeling anxious for what would be the next step fro them. Thank you so much for this beautiful chapter the way each part of can make me feel emotional is truly an art. Your writing style is also beautiful💛

I've been waiting for you anon!!! I was desperate to know what you thought, and whether I'd earned your trust!!

I can't say anything re retirement the season obvs, but you would be right in assuming that the stakes are that high.

JL has kind of become the meat in the sandwich tbh. I feel for the poor guy. justice for jean-luc!

and Charles definitely went too far, but then again, Max certainly didn't give him any reasons to pull his punches. he said "you have all these terrible qualities but its ok I still love you :)" and then expected Charles to be nice about it??? come on now.

but then again, Max is just trying his best. he's a fucked up little dude, and doesn't really understand what Charles' problem is - refuses to understand what Charles' problem is - so if he doesn't want to meet Charles halfway, then why should Charles be the one who has to do it?

but!! they're getting there. at least now Charles actually knows some stuff, and he has space to think about it a bit more.

and thank you for your kind words. I appreciate them very much.

[genderfluiddoppio]

Hiiii you should talk about why you love pakunoda a lot, I absolutely did not glom onto her when I was watching through hxh 2011, but I am so excited to be sold on her. Sorry if this is the wrong blog to ask on!

I'm so glad you asked :) I also didn't really click with Pakunoda after watching the 2011 anime. I thought she was neat but that was it. But the 1999 anime (and ova) gave her a bit more time in the spotlight and developed her character A LOT more and once I watched that I was obsessed.

(Honestly I think the 1999 anime is better than the 2011 anime in general but that's a topic for another time)

Any time I go into the Pakunoda tag I get so mad because a lot of people tend to make her one personality trait Being A Woman. And I suppose it's my own damn fault for becoming obsessed w a female character in a shonen anime, especially one that only shows up for one arc (and a flashback in the manga).

Okay I'm gonna start with actual canon evidence (meaning like. literally any scene that has her in the 1999 and 2011 animes and the manga) of her personality/character before I delve into my insane theories/headcanons. Also spoilers for the manga obviously I'll try to keep the most spoilery bits to their own section

So Pakunoda doesn't get a lot of screen time and before the hostage exchange situation, she's pretty passive. She doesn't speak much and in the beginning of the York new arc, she's chilling with chrollo at the hideout. She doesn't get an active part in the story until the blackout happens and she decides to ignore chrollos orders to save him. Before this, the phantom troupe were like. Not generic villains, but they haven't had a chance to truly show their motivations. As far as the audience could tell, they were villains through and through and didn't have any sympathetic qualities. During the hostage exchange plot, we see a sympathetic side to Pakunoda and the rest of the phantom troupe and the troupe becomes more nuanced as characters. Not only do we see the spiders loyalty to chrollo, we see it's not as simple as "aw the villains wanna save their friends too just like the heroes" though that is part of it. It's made clear that some of the troupe considers following chrollos orders true loyalty, while Paku, shizuku, machi, nobunaga, and kortopi think saving chrollo is more important. Pakunoda even admits this would be seen as a "betrayal" because she's ignoring chrollos orders and compromising the safety/integrity of the troupe by valuing his life above all else. She says "consider me betraying the spider for your sake" when she decides to follow Kurapika's demands and go through with the hostage exchange. her loyalty differs from most of the other spiders because she's loyal to chrollo ABOVE her loyalty to the spiders. While I'm sure most of not all the spiders consider him a friend, they value his leadership and his orders above that. 

Also everyone talks about how chrollo and kurapika are parallels and like they're not wrong but kurapika and Pakunoda are just as similar if not more so and melody even points it out (internally) during the negotiation!

Melody says "[Pakunoda] who you despise with everything you have is driven by the same motive as you. She wishes to save her friend, her boss." 

Kurapika doesn't realize this because he's still clinging to the mindset that the troupe is a group of bloodthirsty heartless monsters, when in reality they are complex people with the same motivation as him, especially Pakunoda. The only reason kurapika is able to get Gon and killua back safely is because Pakunoda is just as desperate to get chrollo back safely. 

(Manga spoilers here kinda)

In the phantom troupe backstory, we see that Pakunoda was closer to chrollo than any other member of the phantom troupe. she refers to him as her "little squire/little brother" (depending on which translation you read) and says she likes how kind he is

gonna throw one of my headcanon/theories in here but like. i feel like pakunoda still thinks of chrollo as that sweet kid who everyone had to look out for. i think part of her yearns to just be happy and carefree with her friends again. I didnt mention the ova's extended scene with the cat before now because i feel like thats the scene everyone points to when they say they like pakunoda. but i think it's even deeper than "pakunoda is nice to cats" because in the ova, the cat represents her and the troupe. while she takes the cat back to its colony, she flashes back to her time in meteor city when the troupe was first formed. not only that, but the cat has purple eyes like paku does (in the 1999 anime) and the black cat is positioned on top of the slide like how chrollo is positioned on top of the junk pile. i think thats when pakunoda made her decision to go back to the troupe and share what happened during the exchange, though she knew it would cost her her life.

Tldr; Pakunoda is (almost) singlehandedly carrying the phantom troupe's reputation as well written and nuanced characters and people tend to forget that

ALSO. Very important information.

she has dimples

[a-m-w-worlds]

Game Review and Discussions: Grim Fandango

Spoiler free review at the top for newcomers and more in-depth and spoilery discussions below for old-timers!

Spoiler-Free Review for Newcomers

Grim Fandango is a point-and-click adventure game originally released by LucasArts in 1998 and rereleased by Double Fine Productions in 2015. I have only played (and therefore am reviewing) the rerelease, but very little was changed between the two versions so you could safely call this a review of both.

Story and Characters

Grim Fandango is a wildly creative blend of the Day of the Dead and old film noir. You might expect this to be a disjointed combination, yet the concept is executed seamlessly to create a truly compelling world and narrative that pulls you in and delights you at every turn.

In Grim Fandango you play as Manuel "Manny" Calavera, a down-on-his-luck reaper, AKA "travel agent", in the Land of the Dead. Like all reapers at the Department of Death, Manny has to work off the sins of his mortal life in the afterlife by selling "travel packages" to the newly deceased to help them traverse the Land of the Dead and reach eternal peace. The more virtuous the soul the better the travel package, the better the travel package the sooner Manny can go on the journey to eternal peace himself.

After watching Domino Hurley, a rival agent, be given saint after saint while Manny himself gets a seemingly never-ending string of bad clients, he decides enough is enough and with the help of his partner-in-crime, Glottis, steals one of Domino's clients. Mercedes "Meche" Colomar is everything he could have hoped for, a saint of a woman with a spotless record. The only problem? According to the company computers she doesn't even qualify for the worst travel package the DOD offers. Meche is sent out to face the dangers of the Land of the Dead on foot and Manny and Glottis are fired for their transgressions. Feeling responsible for screwing up Meche's afterlife, Manny swears to safely escort her through the Land of the Dead himself.

As Manny will soon discover though, Meche is just the tip of the iceberg. His mistake has uncovered a web of corruption spanning the entire Land of the Dead and plunges him, Meche, and Glottis into a world of secret organizations, conspiracies, and betrayals.

Gameplay

Gameplay is pretty standard for a point-and-click adventure. Explore locations, talk to characters, pick up objects, and solve environmental puzzles.

The original release of the game exclusively used tank controls, but the rerelease gives you the option to use tank controls, standard point-and-click, or alternate between them.

Most of the puzzles are challenging to figure out the first time but give you all the information you need to solve them.

Some of the puzzles though could benefit from a few more clues as even after multiple playthroughs it's still not clear to me how you're supposed to logically solve them.

Rating and Trigger Warnings

The game is rated T for teen for language, violence, smoking, alcohol, and suggestive content.

The language and suggestive content are both very mild.

Several characters drink throughout the game, but only one gets drunk and mostly to comical effect.

The violence is very graphic, but it's all very cartoony and being inflicted on slightly cheesy, low-poly skeleton models, so, uh, proceed at your own risk?

Verdict

Grim Fandango is a brilliant game dripping with charm and personality. The characters are entertaining. The environments are creative and fun to explore. The writing is snappy and sharp as a tack. And the music, voice acting, and sound design as a whole are all stellar.

If you like games with a unique premise, made with lots of love and creativity, Grim Fandango is a must play! I would give the game a 10/10 if it weren't for a couple puzzles possibly missing the clues needed to solve them. Even taking that into account though, I don't think I can score it lower than 9.5/10!

My Personal Thoughts (AKA Gushing, Gabbing, and Griping!)

Spoilers ahead!

Oh, boy, where do I start?

Before 2023, I didn't know Grim Fandango existed. Grim came out several years before the timeframe when most of my childhood games were releasing, so it was just never on my radar. I didn't discover it until after playing Psychonauts for the first time and (after becoming freaking obsessed with it) became interested in what other games Double Fine had made, which is how I found Grim Fandango Remastered. This game immediately caught my attention. Film noir mystery in the Land of the Dead was just too interesting a premise to pass on! So, a few months later when the game went on sale on Steam I bought and played it for the first time.

I tend to not hold a game's age against it, cheesy graphics and clunky controls have never inhibited my enjoyment of a game, but I wasn't sure what to expect from a game over twenty-five years old.

It did not disappoint!

(Quick note; I intended to release all of this as a single post, but it was becoming intimidatingly large, so, I'm breaking it up into several smaller posts for my own sanity!)

Story and World-Building

Characters (TBA)

Environments (TBA)

Inhabitants of the Eighth Underworld (TBA)

Soundtrack (Spoiler, I don't know what I'm talking about!)

Gameplay and Puzzles (TBA)

Animations

Art Style

Closing Thoughts (TBA)

[spoiler1001]

Starline's conversation that kicked off this whole plot.

Preparing and dispensing the metal virus was slow, a meticulous process that required the utmost care, but progress was being made on their plan. It was coming along at a steady pace, which was the best case for them. The face ship was huge, but Starline was able to find a small bunk area to relax and board. He was happy; working with the man who inspired him. He saved that soul from being trapped in that toy maker and repaid a favor that the doctor had no idea he even held. Truly, Starline held his doctor with high regard, what else for the man who drove the platypus to obtain his own doctorate?

Starline had stepped away from the monitor area to freshen up, wash off the oil and grime, and fix his perm (nothing but perfection for his dear doctor). He returned to the room unnoticed by Dr. Eggman.

Starline silently watched Dr. Eggman taunt and bicker with the blue hedgehog that everyone had assigned the status of a hero as if anyone else even knew the meaning of the word. Starline watched the doctor’s body language and Sonic’s in turn. - even the thought tasted bitter to the platypus- Starline watched rage boil under Sonic’s skin, his teeth bared in a rare showing of that anger, even the sharper tooth that so rarely made an appearance seemed extra prominent today. The oily metallic coating was wavering on the hedgehog. He looked pitiful, but not beaten, not broken like the doctor wanted. His green eyes blazed with coldness and betrayal like the doctor had broken some kind of code. 

Finally ending the conversation, Sonic jumped on that simplistic biplane of his, piloted by that sidekick, surprisingly not infected yet. The two flew in the opposite direction of the face ship. If Starline had anything but contempt for the duo, he’d have been impressed at the pace of which they were fighting the spread. He made a clicking noise under his breath, making himself known to Dr. eggman. 

“Ah, Doctor, I assume everything is going to plan?” he asked with a sharp grin on his face. 

“Under your guidance? Everything couldn’t be going better. May I ask a question though, sir?” Starline tilted his head up in a quizzical expression.

“My permission will not stop you from asking; you’ll question me either way” Dr Eggman deadpanned. 

“Sonic wears his heart on his sleeve, and carries it with him wherever he goes, why not aim for that first, to really break him?” Starline asked, watching the duo disappear over the horizon line. 

“Just what exactly are you suggesting?” Eggman raised an eyebrow a small smirk on his lips and a huff of har pushed through his nose. Subdued amusement evident in his face. 

“That two-tailed fox Sonic takes with him everywhere like a comfort doll; kill him, sever the brain from the power- from the heart?” 

Starline looked at Starline for a heartbeat, then two. At that moment the only thing that could be heard was the screams of terror below them, muted but a symphony for them all the same. The setting sun behind them reflected on the rapidly growing metal pool below them, shining the light onto them like a spotlight. 

Eggman sighed rubbing the top of his head. “I can understand that line of thinking. Truth be told I harbored that same logic a long time ago, when it was just me versus that rodent, before gods and before monsters.” Eggman sat down on a nearby stool. Starline clicked unconscious at the faint praise, he was thinking like his hero. Still, Eggman continued, “I really want to reduce that damn fox to a smear on the wall, but doing so would be more trouble than it’s worth.” 

“What do you mean?”

“Hush, I’m getting there.” Eggman shot the other doctor a silencing look. “His loyalty to the miserable hedgehog is a two-way street, and as such killing the fox would require the hedgehog to die before he’s even realized what had happened or a level of misdirect where he has no idea who had done in his friend. Otherwise, it gets unwieldy.” Eggman chuckled softly at himself. 

“You mean Sonic gets violent?” Starline questioned, filing away the information, this vital intel on his enemy. 

“Very. I had kidnapped Mr. Prower when he was first adopted into that private secret circle of his; trying to get information out of the kid, just to see if he would squeal. The kid was tough. I couldn’t get a peep out of him. But Sonic didn’t take it well, pulled power out of the chaos emeralds that I hadn’t seen before. Of course, now he uses it every time there's a big plan of mine, but that first time was a surprise.”

“I see, it’s hard to defeat an enemy that moves faster than you can see.” Starline nodded.

“Starline, If you want to stop their quest for a cure, and take out that fox, I suggest you find religion first, pick a god that he hadn’t already killed, and pray. It will be a good lesson in futility. But do it without my name attached to you.”

“Of course sir, I will take your words into consideration.” 

“You will take it as an order, your intelligence really shines when you heed my words.” Dr. Eggman corrected.

[percontaion-points]

TOWB chapters 65-68

Click to see the rest of the snark & image descriptions

Chapter 65

Now Aramis was crying, and Ranka was crying too. How badly Ranka wanted to hold her then. How much it stung to know she couldn’t. They remained like that for a long time—wiping furiously at their eyes, Aramis telling Ranka over and over again how angry she was, and Ranka only saying I know, because she did, truly, and she loved Aramis too much to do anything but take every ounce of anger she’d earned. 

I feel like this scene would have been better suited to literally any book. 

Mainly because, as I keep saying, the author has yet to make us care about Ranka and Aramis. I don’t think for a goddamned second that they actually love one another. Especially not Ranka. 

Besides the fact that I saw this sort of emotional bonding scene happening at the end of the last chapter. 

“Maybe we will, Princess,” Ranka whispered. “Maybe we will.”

Chapter 65 summary: Ranka goes into the room and goes the furthest away from where Aramis is in her bed. Aramis gets kind of angry, but then frustrated over Ranka’s behaviour right now. 

After a moment, Aramis has a break-down because of Foldrey’s betrayal. She explains through her tears about how despite how much her parents loved her and Galen, they still had to put the country first. That Foldrey stepped up in a way that her biological parents couldn’t.

Ranka talks some about loving somebody who turned out to be a piece of shit, and hurting no matter what you do. She talks about how she was found and turned into something that she never wanted to be. The two girls have their break-down bonding moment, even if it’s not the literal kiss and make up scene that I anticipated. 

Ranka finally tells Aramis her surname, the one she was born with. She says that Ranka Volst died along with her sister, but maybe it’s for the best. Because that’s not who she is anymore. 

Chapter 66

“The witches have changed their mind,” he said. “Galen dies at sunset.”

I can’t even be angry over this because I’m honestly super fucking tired of this stupid book. END ALREADY. 

“A few loyal men won’t be enough—but a whole coven might. Ongrum never won the favor of all the witches, correct? Her grip on power is tenuous at best. That was why she needed me.”

At this point, I’d say that the witches are probably not on Ongrum’s side. Especially since most of them have probably heard by now that they’re literally throwing the plague at everybody, and… What’s that? Still a 100% death rate? 

Would anybody willingly side with that?

“All right,” Aramis said quietly, her eyes burning. “Now how do we get my brother back?”

Chapter 66 summary: The chapter opens up with an entire goddamned page of Ranka and Aramis waking up after accidentally cuddling during the night. And OMG u gais, soooo embarrassing!!! Why we needed a full page of this is beyond me.

This moment is interrupted by Percy and Foldrey showing up to say that the witches have decided to kill Galen tonight. Foldrey says that he sent out messengers who should each be getting to those other cities right about now. But even if they decided to act and march their armies, literally none of them would get to Seaswept in time to save Galen. 

Ranka says that if they can’t rely on outside help, then they need to gather their own forces. Foldrey says that half of the Hand deflected to “kill them with kindness” plan Ongrum accidentally offered them. Then about half of those who were left were slaughtered during the attack last night. And half of those who survived, he guesses are probably locked up in the dungeon right now. 

Ranka then says that the witch leader she talked to last night was not on team “Infect the witches with the plague to make us immune”. If she can talk to her again, then she and another coven might back the rest of Foldrey’s men. That would only leave two covens defending Galen and the palace, which they think they can take. 

Chapter 67

Ranka climbed the stairs, and she did not look back.

Chapter 67 summary: We waste two fucking pages with them getting into position. TWO PAGES. NONE OF ANY OF THIS WAS FUCKING NECESSARY TO THE ADVACEMENT OF THE PLOT. 

When they get to the palace, Aramis and Ranka pause. Aramis points out that Ranka still doesn’t have her magic, and they both know that Ranka is going to die, no matter what happens. But she still makes Ranka promise her that she won’t die. Aramis then kisses her, because I don’t think that the author could help herself at this point. 

Chapter 68

Ranka turned the blade over in her hand and stepped forward to battle the woman who had raised her.

Chapter 68 summary: Ranka walks up to where the witches are about to murder Galen. She kind of stands before all of the witches for a second and nobody says or does anything about Ranka’s sudden appearance. 

She then challenges Ongrum to a battle to determine who will lead the coven. 

Ongrum is like “You know that this is a battle to the death, right?” Ranka knows more than anybody what’s on the line here. 

[moonbeamwritings]

“This can’t be real.” You whine, your face suddenly feeling hot, the collar of your costume tightening around your throat. Had the elastic strap of your stupid squirt bottle cap hat always been this uncomfortable under your chin? “This is a nightmare. Pinch me. Please, put me out of my misery.”

“A nightmare!?” Your friend whispers incredulously. “This is a dream. Look at him! His friends look hot, too.”

You take a big gulp of your tequila. “I can’t talk to him like this. It’s humiliating.” You gesture to the cheap, ill-fitting ketchup bottle costume you’d adorned for this night out, your life choices coming into sharp, dizzying focus. Why couldn’t you have just worn a revealing costume like a normal person? It’s times like these where committing to the bit isn’t always a good thing.

“Hey,” she scolds, clicking her tongue at you, “ketchup can be beautiful!”

“Not enough to talk to- to that!”

Across the room, in all his beefy, athletic glory is Bokuto Koutarou — your calculus deskmate and occasional study buddy. Someone you’ve had a crush on all semester. Your eyes scan his figure and you realize that no amount of tequila or cheap beer could give you the confidence to go say hi to him. Not like this.

He’s wearing a baby blue crop top, one that’s a size too small and tugs across the broad expanse of his chest and shoulders, squeezing at his massive biceps. Drawstring shorts in the same color expose the meat of his thick thighs and for a moment, the breath catches in your throat. What the fuck is in the water for these volleyball guys?

His two friends are in much the same state, red and green get-ups matching Bokuto’s own. The Powerpuff Girls. Bubbles has never looked so intimidating.

“I’m gonna die. I’m gonna die in front of the hottest guy I’ve ever seen, and I’m wearing a fucking ketchup costume.” Tequila angrily sloshes in your cup, threatening to spill.

Your mustard counterpart rests a comforting hand on your shoulder. “I’ll drag you into the yard. Give you a little dignity.”

You nod solemnly. “Thank you.”

Unbeknownst to you, your costume hasn’t escaped the ever vigilant gaze of the famous superpowered trio. In the opposite corner, Bokuto bounces on the balls of his feet.

“That’s them! The one from my calc class!”

Kuroo’s (Buttercup’s) head whips around to follow Bokuto’s gaze. “The witch?”

“No,” Bokuto responds, mildly offended. “The ketchup.”

“Ohh, right. Should’ve guessed.” Kuroo’s eyes roll.

Akaashi (Blossom) chimes in to add, “They were looking over here earlier.”

“They were?”

“I mean, it’s kinda hard not to notice,” Kuroo gestures to the three of them and their lack of clothes, “all of this.”

Bokuto downs the rest of his beer in one, resolute chug, confidence emanating from his very being. “I’m going over there.”

You’re in the middle of lamenting about how ridiculous you look when your friend reaches out to grip your elbow. “He’s coming over here.”

Your face drops, anxiety thrumming through your veins as your heart pounds. “No. No, don’t say that.”

“Oh, look!” She calls, glancing anywhere but at you. “It’s...... that girl that I know! I’ll uh... I’ll see you later!”

You open your mouth to tell her to get the fuck back here, that this is truly an ultimate and bitter betrayal, but the words die in your throat as Bokuto approaches. He beams as he comes to a stop in front of you, like you’re making his night by simply... existing. The sight brings heat to the apples of your cheeks.

Bokuto has to bend a bit to be heard over the music, and you can feel his breath ghosting over your ear as he says, “Hey! How’s it going!?”

“Good! How are you?”

With how close he’s standing now, not only do you get an even closer look at his defined pecs (which seem even bigger up close), but you also notice, much to your amusement, that his spiky hair has been pulled into two pigtails, wrapped together with little blue bows. How someone can manage to be cute and hot at the same time is equal parts infuriating and fascinating.

He smiles like he knows something you don’t, a hint of mischief sitting in the corner of his upturned lips. “I’m good! It’s not every day you get to talk to your favorite condiment.”

You put a hand to your heart as a surprised, teasing grin over takes your face. “Who? Lil’ ol’ me? You’re flattering me!”

“I’m only speaking the truth!”

“Well,” you start, any anxiety you felt before melting away the longer you spend in his presence (and the more the tequila settles in your stomach), “if you must know, Bubbles was always my favorite Powerpuff Girl.”

Bokuto seems thrilled at this, shifting a little to bump his arm into yours. “You’ve got good taste.”

Conversation flows easily after that. You talk about class – he hasn’t done the homework yet and he’s not ready for the test, don’t ask. He asks what your drink of choice is (it’s tequila) and how you landed on ketchup for a costume of all things (it was a joke that felt funnier at the time than it is now). It’s comfortable and breezy, and you regret not coming to these stupid house parties sooner.

You open your mouth to ask if he’d want to study together, and maybe the alcohol had loosened your tongue enough to ask if he’d want to grab coffee too, but you’re interrupted by Buttercup.

Buttercup eyes you for a moment, his eyes flickering between you and his “sister” before a smirk pulls at his mouth. An expression crosses Bokuto’s face, one you can’t read, and you shift your weight from one foot to the other.

“I hate to interrupt,” he interjects, “but it seems we have a situation in the upstairs bathroom. Mind giving me a hand?”

Bokuto sighs, his gaze shifting to yours apologetically. “Sorry, duty calls.”

You smile, a half-hearted thing that doesn’t quite reach your eyes. It doesn’t go unnoticed by Bokuto. “Go save the city, ladies.”

“I’ll uh-” he pauses as if he’s really considering his next words before a little twinkle alights in his golden eyes, “I’ll ketchup with you later.”

As he turns to leave, you swear you hear his friend shout over the music, “Dude, that was terrible.”

Having lost your condiment companion and your superhero crush, and with no one else to talk to, you decide to venture outside, hoping that the cool October air will help to ease the flush on your cheeks.

You can still hear the music from out here, can listen in on the gossip offered up among friends sharing a smoke at the table in the yard, but now that you’re separate from the party, looking out into the backyard, you can’t help the doubt that creeps into the back of your mind. It’s a blink of a thought, a wisp of smoke in the wind, and you suspect it’s only because you like him so much, but you wonder, idly, if someone like Bokuto could ever be into someone like you. You deflate, dropping your cup on the deck railing and pulling the stupid bottle cap hat off your head. Sighing, you feel stupid all over again.

You spend another few minutes in relative silence before the back door slides open and an excited “I found you!” sounds from behind you.

A hand presses into the small of your back. “I was looking all over for you! I came back downstairs and couldn’t find your little hat in the crowd anywhere.” The thought of him seeking you out again makes your head spin. “I brought you another drink, if you want it.”

Bokuto offers you the cup with a cute, almost sheepish quirk of his lips, and you take it gingerly. A smile forming to mirror his own. You take a sip and it’s the exact drink you had before, mixed to perfection and made all the tastier knowing Bokuto brought it for you. “It’s perfect! Thank you.”

He’s all too pleased by the praise. “I’m glad! I practically had to wrestle the last of the Sprite from some drunk dude in the kitchen.”

His expression and the hand resting on your back make your legs feel like jelly. “My hero.”

“I do what I can for my people! You wanna sit?” He gestures vaguely to the stairs leading to the yard and you nod. Before you can sit, you try, and fail, to pull your costume over your head. It isn’t exactly the most forgiving fabric for anything but standing, and you huff when you can’t bend your arm enough to pull it up and over your head.

“I hate this.” You grumble, dropping your new cup onto the railing right next to your old one. “What the fuck?” You try again and when it doesn’t budge, the annoyance only seems to mount. “This costume is cursed, I swear.”

You bring your hand up to angrily pull at the offending fabric, but Bokuto stops you from tugging again by placing his hand over yours. “Want some help?”

“Please.”

Bokuto needs all of about five seconds to get it over your head, and in that time, the costume drags the fabric of your undershirt up, exposing a sliver of your stomach. His eyes widen and he feels like those memes about Victorian men getting a glimpse at a woman’s ankle.

He’s pulled from his thoughts when you breathe a sigh of relief, plopping the costume onto the ground behind you. “Thank you. God, that was so much easier to get on.”

You collapse onto the deck stairs and pull your cup back into your grasp. Bokuto follows your lead, and when he puts his free hand behind him to rest against the wood, it ends up on top of your own. You don’t move a muscle and neither does he. The moon hangs bright and brilliantly yellow in the sky, painting Bokuto’s face in shadows that bring out his eyes and accent the high points of his face. For the umpteenth time, you think about how pretty he is and the chaos it’s causing in your heart.

You’re broken from your revelry when his eyes meet yours and, unable to hold his curious gaze, the tree in the distance suddenly becomes far more interesting than his side profile. When you’re not looking, Bokuto’s expression is struck by unabashed lovesickness. God, if Kuroo could see him now he knows he’d never hear the end of it.

In the comfortable silence that follows, and free from the confines of your condiment prison, your unasked question from earlier sits on the tip of your tongue. Do you wanna get coffee with me? The question plays over and over again as you rehearse the words and imagine them leaving your mouth. It can’t be that hard, right? People in cheesy rom-coms make this part seem so easy.

As if sensing your hesitation, you feel Bokuto’s hand curl a little tighter over yours. “Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, yeah.” You’re convincing yourself more than you are him, and it shows. His brows furrow and he seems to lean a little closer to you, awaiting an explanation. “I was just...” You sigh, collecting your nerves. “I was wondering if you wanted to get coffee with me this week? I could help you with the homework, too, if you want?”

Bokuto’s head tilts to one side, and before he can think to stop himself, he asks, “Like a date?”

He watches as your eyes widen. “I mean- I-...” You flounder, your face hot under his gaze. “If you want!”

The grin that overtakes Bokuto’s face is downright blinding, and you’re certain it’s the prettiest smile you’ve ever seen. And, for the first time, you catch a glimpse of his dimples. It should be illegal for one man to be this handsome.

“I’d like that. I don’t have practice on Tuesday. Wanna go at 11? I can pick you up from your dorm and we could go to that place down the street. Get off campus for a while before hitting the books?”

Your nod only spurs his smile to widen, his dimples to deepen. You have to fight the urge to reach out and pinch his cheek. “Sounds good to me.”

“Now,” Bokuto says suddenly, plucking your hat off the ground and fixing it over his pigtails as he moves to stand, “I’m freezing my ass off out here. Get that costume on and let’s go dance!”

With his free hand, he pulls you up. His hand only leaves yours for the second it takes you to pull your costume back on before his fingers are intertwining with yours again. And as the colorful lights of the living room bounce off his face, his laugh ringing out over the music as he pulls you close on the makeshift dance floor, you can’t wait for Tuesday.

[vminity21]

Dream With Me | jhs

Pairing: actor!hoseok x female!reader, f2l!au, school!au

Word Count: 25,517

Genre: angst/smut/fluff

Warning(s): mega-angst, profanity, unrequited love, mistaken betrayal, mention of an accident, dirty talk, smut, fingering, clit play, oral (m + f receive), smutty kissing, unprotected sex, nipple play, m!dom, slight f!dom, driver roll up the partition please thats it thats the hint it took me years to write this story and some intense editing also there is a surprise guest featured from nct 127 Rated: 18+

Summary: Your secret crush on Jung Hoseok develops into an unexpected friendship because of your encouragement that fueled him to follow his dreams. His feelings for you bloom, but when a strong misunderstanding leads to losing touch, you cope with the immense heartbreak as best as you can. Life has a funny way of leading you to where you belong. Despite the new love interest you have found once the years pass, the man you have loved since you were eight years old seems to find his way back and now you must fight for what it is you truly want.

Credit to: @yoonoclock for creating the perfect cover!

{24}

 Tears drip in warm trails off your cheeks when the click of the front door signifies the leaving of Jaehyun. Admitting you are in love with someone else is already hard enough, but the pain of losing someone whom you thought would understand is more overwhelming than you could have possibly imagined. Conversation involving a famous talk show murmurs in the background, but the volume is not enough to drown out the sniffles now pressing onto the back of your hand while your entire frame shudders. Eventually, you plan to reach out to Jae in hopes of reconciling at least a friendship because it is what he deserves, and his heart is in the right place despite the pain you caused.

 It is the face on the television screen that captured your heart for sixteen long years and the roller coaster of emotions encircling your chest tightens, producing a lump at the back of your throat as you swallow roughly. The movie premiere has officially been released, and the world has gone feral for the seven men seated before the interviewers who have asked questions the entire time as expected. But it was the words that one of the actors said that confirmed what you needed to know, and when you froze with the remote almost slipping from your hand, you knew that you were still in love with him, and your now ex-boyfriend Jaehyun could tell in your eyes that there is no turning back.

 There was a fight that prompted Jaehyun to leave, but he was aware from vague communications that you and the actor in the interview had a history. A long history of almost unrequited love, or so you assumed, to reconnecting in the most unexpected way, but before things could get out of hand this time, you did confront Jaehyun in a warning that maybe things weren’t meant to be, but he convinced you to stay because sometimes everybody goes through their spells of doubt. But, when it came to Jung Hoseok, there were never any doubts.

 It’s him.

 It was always him. And, when answering a question involving inspiration as to why Hoseok chose the career path he is on- the words you had spoken to him back in high school were repeated, and your heart turned with the longing that never dimmed. You love Jaehyun, and that was never a lie; he unknowingly helped you through a tremendous heartbreak that ultimately revealed to be a misunderstanding that still leaves you humiliated to reminisce upon. And even now, standing within the living room of your home, you no longer can take it; sauntering to the kitchen table, you scoop up your car keys, slipping on your shoes, there is only one destination in mind. Locking the door behind you, the crisp air of the evening that wafts along your face is a reminder of the tears still wanting to fall, and when your car roars to life, your vision adjusts past the tears, and you turn out of the driveway on a mission.

 A mission to find some form of healing.

 10 years earlier…

 {14}

 Sunshine reflects off the bleachers enough to cause your eyes to squint toward your notebook where you sketch enough doodles to realize you have not made a dent in your homework. How can you? The pang of a soccer ball bounces off a shoe into the air- kicked with intense force to cause your wandering eyes to view the anger now contorting the player’s expression. His lips stay in a firm pink line, but the dew from the earlier rain unexpectedly slips him onto his back while cocky laughter reverberates beyond the field. Heart turning with sadness, you remain hidden within your favorite spot, though even from a distance, you can see evidently that his feelings are hurt.

 “C’mon, Hoseok, you can’t make the team!” Kevin, the most raucous bully of the school clutches at his stomach overdramatically while his posse looms behind him. “You can barely make the tennis team! You’re in over your head, man,” and with that, they scurry off, shoving into each other’s shoulders as if they have accomplished the funniest gig when really, the most they have accomplished is the nausea rearing within your stomach. And, as much as you want to take a stand for the boy now swiping at his clothes, you shyly hold back continuing to seem hidden high up on the bleachers where he never seems to notice you exist.

 Here is where you wait until your father comes to pick you up; unless it is overwhelmingly crowded, you tend to wander off in the opposite direction. You will hide within the room where the drama club meets to practice their lines. It may be halfway into your first year of high school, but you have successfully memorized every aspect of the school building, and while the memory dissipates, you cuddle your notebook to your chest when you watch the lanky kid spit out sentences of curse words before swinging his arm around in a mimic of punching someone.

 Hoseok is not the only one who has had his fair share of Kevin. It was elementary school when you first became acquainted with the two, and the memory still haunts you at times to this day:

 “Piggy! Piggy! You’re a chubby piggy!” Kevin would, for lack of a better term, romantically sing to you, side stepping a full circle around you to where you would feel cornered. At eight years old, you were slightly on the chubby side though by nine years old you slimmed up, but on that particular day at eight years of age, Kevin took his demeaning banter too far pushing you severely to the limit. Jabbing a finger into your face, his snotty nose almost made you hurl on his brand-new sneakers.

 “Shut up Kevin!” You warned whilst your stubby digits curled into your palms.

 “Make me, four eyes!”

 Glaring at him, you wished he would disappear as easily as a magic trick, and your fists remained glued to your sides while you fumed. Your stomach growled above the intense anxiety within your abdomen, and you were livid enough at this kid for interrupting your snack time. Tears gathered when you couldn’t find a swift comeback.

 “Hey!” A young voice yelled. “That’s not very nice!”

 Turning, you saw a brunette boy an inch or two taller than you with puffy, red cheeks and bright, brown eyes whose mouth pulled into a pucker once his eyebrows knitted together. Instinctively your mouth flew open as you gazed at your knight in shining armor.

 “I don’t care!” Kevin blasted. “She’s a four-eyed pickle brain!”

 That was it.

 Slowly, you faced Kevin, the fire burning in your palms had never felt so real and before you could control yourself, you smacked him as hard as you could across his face. Kevin gasped in terror as he tumbled to the ground, crying dramatically once his hand pressed against his reddened cheek. Embarrassment washed over mingled with immense fear when you realized what you had done. Kids had been so busy enjoying their lunches throughout the picnic tables that they hadn’t noticed Kevin’s relentless sobs. Taking a step back, you lifted your hand to your mouth to stifle the triumphant smile wanting to grow at the sudden action. You smacked Kevin! The biggest bully you had ever known. Your palm and fingers were slightly pink from the aftermath and despite your heart ramming along your ribcage, you enjoyed that subtle sense of pride.

 “What happened? Kevin, love, what happened?” The teacher ran quickly toward the tear-stained boy, bending down to rub his shoulder in an attempt to comfort. A blush crept its way to your ears as you watched the teacher lift the child to his feet. Already visualizing Kevin pointing an accusing finger toward you, you felt the ground being ripped from beneath your feet.

 Kevin stuttered, hardly understanding a word he blubbered, “"She-he sma -ah-acked muh-muh-muh-me.”

 “Is this true?” The teacher questioned, quite stunned to think a quiet student as yourself would ever do such a thing, but in the teacher’s defense, she was unaware of the turmoil Kevin continuously put you through. Frozen stiff, your eyes enlarged in evident fear, swallowing the lump in your throat trying to gather words, but had not had the chance to speak when someone unexpectedly spoke up on your behalf.

 “I-I did it, Misses Kim.”

 Those were not your words.

 Those were from the little brunette boy who feigned being ashamed as he locked his hands behind his back, staring at the ground. His bottom lip jutted out to add to the effect and all you could wonder was what this insane boy was doing. His eyes met yours for the first time when he raised his head, let me handle it, he pleaded with you before returning to Miss Kim. “He called me a bad word so I… I hit him.”

 “Oh, Hoseok.” Miss Kim sighed. “I am extremely disappointed in you.”

 “Bu-But!” Kevin blurted, but the teacher continued.

 “The two of you will have to see the principal. I’ll phone both of your parents as well,” she straightened her frame, leading the two boys toward the school while you remained sticker shocked. Hoseok, head casted downward, slipped his small hands into his pockets, and to this day, you still could not believe the bravery he had. Hoseok was your hero in that moment years ago and risked his school record for a girl who was verbally bullied by some petty kid who has nothing better to do than bring others down.

 Hoseok hadn’t known you that well back then and he still took the blame. In fact, that was the day nearly seven years ago when your heart leaped every time you would see him walking the hallways. He and Kevin were let off with a warning by the principal and you hoped that Hoseok would become your friend after his stunt, but unfortunately, it had never happened and he was switched to a different class, so they could keep him, and Kevin separated to prevent further troubles if any were to happen. And as humiliating as it is to admit it, you remember crying when you discovered he wouldn’t be in your class for the rest of the year which kept you from ever being able to thank him for sticking up for you.

 Now at fourteen, you watch him from a distance wishing life would bring him to you as it did when you were eight. Hoseok, focused, kicks the soccer ball again where it soars into the goal, the net rebounding the ball back onto the ground. He stands in awe, breathing heavily as he bows forward to place his hands on his waist- hair swooping over his eyes, probably annoyed that Kevin isn’t there to witness the success. I believe in you, you want to whisper to the breeze hoping miraculously that your encouragement would reach him, but instead, you bite the corner of your lip nervously. Of course, Kevin is the current star of the soccer and tennis teams, and he is still the jerk you always knew him as. And, since it has been a solid seven years since the incident from elementary school, between the two boys it has been forgotten.

 You jump when your phone buzzes harshly against the metal of the bleacher to see it is a text message from your dad of his arrival. From your peripheral vision, Hoseok’s head shoots up to see you scrambling to compile your books into your backpack, eventually jogging to where your dad typically parks. Praying under your breath, you hope Hoseok isn’t watching you, or finding you weird for sitting out there alone, or here you go overanalyzing absolutely any situation involving him… Again. Heart thudding in your temples, you hope the lad isn’t embarrassed if he were to think that you happened to witness the situation with Kevin earlier on the field. If only Hoseok knew how much you want to support him.

 Flinging the car door open, you roughly seat yourself inside.

 “Whoa there, Kid. Someone’s in a hurry, eh?” Your dad’s deep voice greets you as he chuckles. Exasperation forms into a sigh, so you shut your eyes momentarily.

 “Sorry dad, I just want to go home.”

 “Alrighty then, but you’re okay though, right?”

 “I am.” You promise in a murmur, shifting to face the window where the countryside zips past. Your father always knows when to let you have your time to yourself which is something you have always appreciated. Plus, you haven’t found the courage to talk to him when it comes to the topic involving boys. As protective as your father is, you know better than to bring it up.

 Upon the arrival of home, a small house, fit for a family of three is nestled in a quiet suburban area where the neighbors respectfully tend to themselves and there’s hardly any space to run which you happen to not mind. To your pleasant surprise, your mother greets you and your father at the door. The smell of food wafts prompting your mouth to water.

 “You’re home early!” You say cheerfully whilst your mom pecks the side of your forehead.

 “A lot of staff today, so they sent me home.” She smiles as she turns to finish preparing dinner. Your parents have always been wonderful at conversation which you are highly grateful for, and once dinner is served, you help set the table before taking a seat across from your mother. Your father sits in the chair to your right. Each of you speak on how your days have gone which your parents enjoy hearing things are going well on your end. Though you normally tell your parents everything, especially your whereabouts when you’re hanging out with a friend, one thing they are not aware of is your distant crush on Jung Hoseok. At times, you almost confess to your mom, hoping she can give you some advice, but the other factor that comes into play is that you and he aren’t… friends really, just acquaintances which others may find bizarre as to why you are so infatuated with him. But you want nothing more than to be his friend if that’s all it takes.

 "So,” your mother’s voice breaks the brief silence, dispersing any thoughts involving Hoseok. “Now that you are finally in high school, you know, one step closer to being an adult…" She pauses. “Have you been thinking about colleges yet?" Mom stabs at her salad with her fork, the plate clinking beneath each jab. Pausing mid-chew, eyes wide, her question catching you off guard; you can feel your dad's stare as he remains silent.

 "Well," you say reaching to take a sip of water. "I mean, it's a little too soon to tell right now… I think. Maybe." Stuttering, you nervously crumple a napkin in your hand.

 When an excruciatingly few more minutes, pass with the same awkward silence, your mom chuckles. "I'm just messing with you. I’m not ready for my baby to grow up!"

 "Oh, my goodness, mom, you scared me!" You reply in obvious relief noticing your dad's shoulders shake as he tries to contain his laughter. "She had you there for a minute."

 When dinner is finished, after some more frilly laughter, you help with the dishes before running to your room. You shut the door behind you in anticipation for the warmth of your bed covers. It doesn’t take long to put on pajamas after brushing your teeth and once your frame tangles into the comforter, you feel better. The memory of the very first day of high school filling your mind until you drift to sleep.

 {15}

 Summer break always brings a loneliness that you dread especially in sleep when nothing, but the images of Hoseok’s face haunt you in the sweetest way. How is it that a student, meaning you, counts down the days until they see their crush again? How is it that you actually enjoy being at school because it means Jung Hoseok? You get it. It’s not normal. It’s not normal for a teenager to beg for time to pass swiftly just to roam the halls of school again.

 When you find yourself entering your first class to begin your second year of high school, your stomach flips immediately which increases your heart rate at the sight of Hoseok. For the first time since children, you now share a class together which means you will see him up close every day versus a far distance between the bleachers and the field. Refraining from smiling giddily like the maniac you want to say you are, you bow your head as you find a seat to descend into. A seat that rests beside a girl with faded purple strands and kind eyes. She doesn’t seem familiar, so you figure she is new to the school.

 Flitting your stare, you see the way a boy with dark hair gazes at the girl before taking his seat. At some point in a span of a few minutes, you learn that his name is Jimin, and her name is Monnie. Something about them makes you smile; it is as if they have a chemistry that is so obvious that even grown adults in established relationships would be envious of the bond they share. If only you could say that about Jung Hoseok… But that would require interacting with him. Which then requires bravery. And that is something you do not know how to collect without humiliation following close behind it.

 Weeks pass further into the school year. The more you keep your ears alert, you tune into conversation between the new classmates as well as the whispers in the hallways involving them. Park Jimin is not only a fellow classmate of your first subject but started attending the drama club alongside Monnie. It is rumored that Jimin starred in a childhood movie that used to be popular. And if you heard correctly, Monnie was in the movie also which is how the two initially met. Hoseok, who you have noticed has been adopted into their friend group, smiles widely at the couple and plants himself comfortably into the chair behind Jimin while they giggle about something you didn’t quite catch.

 Trying not to gaze too long at the trio, you remember last week Jimin, and Monnie were trying to convince Hoseok to join the drama club because he always had a passion for acting which is something new that you learned about him. Hoseok seemed uncomfortable from what you gathered, but your heart bloomed with the hope that he would show up to the scheduled times the club usually meets. Would this be the year that he changes his mind? And why was he so nervous? If acting is his passion, why not give drama club a chance?

 It is a typical Monday morning, one you did not anticipate, after organizing your wardrobe in the order of favorite outfits you plan to wear for the week. A strange urge to style your hair and paint on a bit of makeup surprises you, but you woke early enough to make it happen, and you throw on your first favorite outfit of the week. You feel oddly confident in yourself for reasons you haven’t quite figured out. Regardless, you roll with it. Is this a way to see if Hoseok will notice you for once this morning?

 Well, he doesn’t.

 Maybe if you busy your mind with something else it will help. So, you do. Doodling along a piece of notebook paper shielded by your binder, you are tempted to write his initials within the hearts you’ve drawn but resist. With your luck, the teacher will catch you and read the drawings in front of the class. Then, your crush will be made known. A crush that he may dismiss or be confused by since neither of you talk. Sometimes, you just wish he simply knew you existed.

 Drama Club becomes your primary focus once you near the end of your final class of the day. Mrs. Lee already passed the scripts for Romeo and Juliet last week for everyone to study. Today is the day she will have the students read their parts aloud. When the bell rings, you fumble through your backpack until your fingers grip the side of the play and as the anxiety starts to flutter within your stomach, you gulp.

 The walk isn’t far, but your steps halt, tongue mutes, and sweat beads form along the line of your forehead the moment your gaze briefly meets the eyes of Jung Hoseok. He’s here!? In drama club? He decided to join after all!? Jimin who happens to be sat beside Hoseok, nudges his shoulder to show him a funny video on his cellphone which disrupts you from your reverie. Did Hoseok just catch you looking at him?

 Your mouth feels dry at this point, and you hurriedly find a seat four chairs away from Hoseok to figure out how to steady your breathing. You thought you were anxious before, but the clammy feel of your palms on top of quivering fingers show that it escalated the moment your eyes met. How can someone have this much of a hold over you unintentionally? None of this makes any sense to you, but there is something about this human being that drives you mad.

 Your bag slips to the ground by your side while your eyes glue to the script before you. The words of Mrs. Lee echo in the room once everyone arrives, but you are so muddled you hardly grasp what she is saying. All you know is that you are assigned to be the narrator which is easy for you to find because your part is in italics mostly. And then, you silently breathe a slow sigh of relief when Hoseok is introduced to everyone by Mrs. Lee, and she assigns him the part of Paris since one of the students originally assigned is out sick.

 You feel relief because that means Hoseok isn’t going to be assigned Romeo. And that is because you aren’t assigned Juliet. The last thing you want is to see Hoseok, although acting, face to face with another girl. It would hurt and you don’t have time to be hurt. Even though it is you hurting yourself.

 One thing you did happen to observe is how timid Hoseok became when he was introduced as the new addition to the drama club. Is he really that shy? Or did he seem like he didn’t want anyone to know that he is going to be a part of the club in itself?

 Unfortunately, Hoseok still gets taunted by Kevin which tears your heart into pieces, but Kevin wouldn’t cause Hoseok any hell over this right? Drama club isn’t even embarrassing, so why would Hoseok be embarrassed? Are his parents against him having a passion to become an actor? Maybe it’s a family thing he is worried about.

 You really overthink too much; you scold yourself inwardly.

    {16}

 College planning becomes the ultimate priority when entering the final year of high school. You even gained a friend in a sweet girl named LenLen whose sleek, black hair is tossed behind her shoulders while she concentrates on the task at hand. Last year happens to be a blur, and you spent the summer hanging out with LenLen, but keeping your secret about Hoseok buried until you feel it is safe to bring it to life.

 Speaking of Hoseok, he hardly came to drama club all last year until the very end when he became even closer to Jimin and Monnie. They must have done an excellent job encouraging him because he doesn’t want the entire school to know that he loves to act, and it shows, yet he attended much more than you expected the final months of the last semester. What is he so afraid of? You still haven’t figured it out.

 Rubbing your fingers along your forehead in exhaustion, jittery nerves bundle at your fingertips as your eyes burn from staring at the computer screen too long. LenLen asked if you would meet her at the library after class to apply for colleges, and she is typing away at the keyboard while you take a mini break.

 There is only one college you have your heart set on the second you discovered it over the summer, and the only college you want to attend:

 Konkuk University.

 It is the top college you can attend to pursue a degree in acting. The constant talk of colleges amongst the teachers have reminded students to start preparing for where they will want to go to begin their dream careers. Your parents have been doing research along with you to colleges you can apply for, but Konkuk seems to be where you want to go. Where you feel, you are destined to go. The excitement of even applying to Konkuk seems to be the only thing on your mind.

 Promising LenLen you will save her a seat in the cafeteria, you click off Konkuk’s website, sling your backpack over your shoulder and rush to make it to the lunch line. She arrives around ten minutes later, sitting across from you as your lunch trays almost collide. It’s as if your peripherals pick up her presence, but your pupils do not leave the sight you cannot believe you are seeing.

 Hoseok must have gained a new friend too because there he is entering the cafeteria alongside Kevin and his clique. Whatever Kevin said to impress Hoseok is beyond you, but who in their right mind would see Kevin as a good guy? He has bullied so many people, yet Hoseok gave him a chance to redeem himself. Or at least, that is what you are trying to tell yourself. You are stunned by the revelation that you almost miss the statement LenLen makes.

 “I see you staring.” She smirks, kicking at your shoe as an equivalent to elbowing you if she wasn’t sitting across from you. You can’t help the way your eyes enlarge in response.

 “Wha- what do you mean?”

 Winking, “I think you know exactly what I mean.”

 Shifting your stare towards Hoseok, you want to cringe at the thought that somebody has figured out your secret. Or maybe you want to cringe because you have made it way too obvious. You decide to play dumb.

 “Wh-who?”

 “Kevin, silly! You haven’t stopped staring at him all day!”

 Oh, the way your jaw drops so quickly and abruptly. It’s as if you are offended because in all honesty, you are. But LenLen is nowhere near at fault for that. Kevin just has no chance with you even if he is to be the last man on earth.

 “Kevin!?” You manage to say with your voice cracking. “You think I’m looking at Kevin!?”

 She swiftly examines the group of guys just to shrug. “Well, who are you looking at then?” Looking down at your food, which you have been nibbling on, you quickly start eating it again. LenLen gets the point and doesn't press any further. "Well... Whoever it is, just talk to him!" Though her intentions are genuinely pure, it’s easier said than done. You still haven’t worked up the courage to approach him. It has been years that you have known his existence, yet you haven’t said a word to him to try and introduce him into your world.

 Months disappear into time and the one day you miss due to being sick is of course a day where one of your teachers passed out a test. So, guess where you are today? Staying after school to make up a test. Once turned in, Mr. Von leaves in a hurry, but you don’t immediately text your dad to be on his way. Instead, you shuffle through your backpack to find the script for A Midsummer Night's Dream to quickly highlight your lines to give yourself some quiet time.

 Hearing footsteps reverberate in the hallway, a chirpy whistle is keeping up with the beat of each step. You keep your focus unbroken and manage tuning out the sounds. You do catch, however, the footsteps passing the open door, halting, to then backpedaling as if the person notices you are in the classroom.

 “Hey there!” The deep voice is as happy as the melody he had been whistling, but there is something familiar about the sound of his voice. “Y/N, right?”

 “Yes!” You reply faster than you mean to, and once your eyes lift to the figure before you, there is a moment where you want to run, but also a moment that makes the world around you disappear into the depths of your brain cells. Jung Hoseok. The person who entered the classroom is Jung Hoseok. Holy shit.

 What do you say? How do you speak? Where do you begin? How do you begin if there was never a beginning? How do you breathe? How do you blink? How do you stand? How do you walk? How do you act normal? How do you even even?

 “I’m Hoseok,” he offers his hand, and then you must coax yourself to shake it, but even then, you are questioning how you reach your hand forward to slap palms and shake his hand.

 “Nice-nice to meet y-you.” You force your biggest smile, but that feels awkward. Amazed, you can’t believe you’re even audible when speaking because your voice is coming out so quiet. You are nervous meaning you’re either going to be too loud or too quiet.

 He nods. “You did great today by the way… Playing Titania.” One thing you have gathered about Hoseok this year so far is that he has become so outgoing compared to previous years of knowing him. He is one of those guys who will talk to just about anybody and knows how to keep a conversation going. If only those were skills, you developed because you just make things plain awkward.

 “And you did wonderful playing Oberon.” The blush heats upon your chest and cheeks while you return the compliment. Can your heart pound any harder? Any faster? You figure he is bringing this up in general because Mrs. Lee plans on quizzing everybody on their lines in preparation for the play. Your eyes trail him from the tips of his shoes to the handsome curve of his chin, and you hate the affect he has on you even over a small conversation.

 Why is he so attractive?

 The silence is smothering, but he holds a soft grin as he turns to lean against a desk behind him. “Thank you.” He murmurs, shoving his slim fingers into his pockets. Why does he seem so distant suddenly? Does this mean you leave? Why leave when you have waited to magically be alone with him for years just to be able to obsessively write in your journal every single detail you remember of sharing your first real conversation with Hoseok? Goodness, you need help. He’s just a guy. But you know very well that trying to chalk this up as ‘no big deal’ isn’t going to work. Because him standing before you is, indeed, a big ass deal.

 Hoseok clears his throat. “I know this is random, but you seem very passionate about what you do. Have you ever had a dream that you were uncertain about? Like… you knew that it was exactly what you wanted to do, but you were scared maybe… it was too good to be true?”

 Looking down for a moment, you know what Hoseok is saying. Everyone has experienced this a time or two in their life. Possibly even more. Chasing dreams can be scary, but that’s what makes it rewarding. He's obviously talking about acting. And from the past few months of the drama club, Hoseok really has it in him. He really can act. Every line he's ever given, he's always shown the right amount of emotion. Each character he's given to portray, he knows exactly what to do and how to depict that character in the most beautiful way. He hardly ever receives criticism from Mrs. Lee, and he receives tons of standing ovations for his outstanding performances from his peers and you know deep down an audience will follow behind in his future.

 You can never understand why he's always been so ashamed of his talent. Who cares what anybody thinks? Especially Kevin. Nobody cares about him, nor his thoughts anyway. So, why should Hoseok? After a second, you realize he's still waiting for you to speak.

 Deciding to take this opportunity, you give him some advice. If anything, maybe it will help him. Possibly stick with him for the rest of his life. Now that would be too good to be true. You just need to try. You’re so tired of him being ashamed of the drama club. He should never be ashamed of his talent. Or himself.

 "Hoseok..." Wetting your lips before you continue, you try desperately to gather your words. "Don't ever be afraid of chasing your dreams. You know you can do it, so why are you afraid of what other people think?" He looks at you, lips parted, his brown eyes deeply searching yours. "You know you're good enough to make it. So, go for it. I mean it." You know you’re coming off a little stern, but it's time for him to know the truth about how you feel. Even if it’s only the brim of the whole damn truth. "You are so talented, Hoseok. I always wish I could perform like you; convey emotion as you do with every character you're given."

 Hoseok grins shyly, leaning off the desk and reaching over to give you a side hug. "You know, I have never heard you talk this much before!" He pulls away, his eyes never leaving yours. "Thank you. That means so much.”

 "Hey.” You murmur softly. Unintentionally yet boldly, you pinch his chin gently between your fingertips to keep his gaze from faltering. “Don't be afraid anymore, Hoseok. Okay?”

 Sincerity fills his eyes as you give him a terse nod. Knowing your dad is probably waiting for you outside at this point since it has been too long for you to not text him, you collect your bag and duck out of the classroom, your heart still pounding as if you just ran a marathon.

 Either way, you’re thankful. Giddy, even. That's the first time you and Hoseok have held a conversation, and that's the very first time you've ever told him what you think of him and his many talents. The only thing you left out was the never-ending crush you've had on him because now is not the time to reveal something that most likely wouldn’t make any sense to him. Sometimes, you don’t fully understand how deep your feelings for him go.

 And that is okay with you.

 -

 The Friendship Phase

 {17}

 Familiarity in the form of heated bleachers against the skin of the bottoms of your legs bring a subtle comfort while your eyes scan the pages of the book assigned in literature class. With only a few months away from graduation, there is also the spring play to look forward to in a span of a few weeks yet the only thing you can genuinely rejoice about is the newfound friend you have in Jung Hoseok.

 Yes, you thought that correctly.

 You are now friends with Jung Hoseok which obviously deepened your feelings stronger than you ever thought possible. Shifting your mind, you scope the endless colorful, sticky notes sticking out of all sides of this book. You have always taken your studies seriously which is something your parents are very proud of, but sometimes you are exhausted.

 Sounds of enthusiastic footsteps pounce along the metal bleachers which captures your attention to look up. “Hey, y/n,” your heart melts as Hoseok’s dimpled grin includes a brief wave of his thin hand.

 “Hey there.” You coo even though you didn’t mean to coo. Hoseok plops next to you leaning into you swiftly to then stretching his long legs on the empty bleacher in front of him. “I heard Jimin pranked you with a fake snake earlier.” Hoseok shudders but in a humorous way at your random statement.

 “And they just had the audacity to film the whole thing.”  

 “You have the best reactions, and you know it.” You can’t help but chuckle with him as he shakes his head. With one hand, he ruffles his bangs, his smile staying intact.

 “I’ll get him back.”

 “When-”

 “Nobody knows. It could be today, tomorrow or Friday the thirteenth.”

 Teasingly, you roll your eyes. “Well, I’ll believe it when I see it.”

 Hoseok elbows the side of your ribs prompting you to snicker at him. After a moment, the silence only lasts shortly while Hoseok eyes you curiously. “Have you applied to Konkuk, yet?”

 You remember the eagerness you felt last night once it was completed and submitted. “Applied last night, have you?”

 Hoseok’s dream has also been Konkuk University which you had no idea until months earlier when the friendship blossomed. Acting comes in handy especially at a time like this because hiding feelings from the one person you’ve been infatuated with since elementary school might burn the chance of him staying in your life. If a friendship is all he wants from you, then a friendship from you he will have no matter the pain.

 “Of course!” Hoseok’s enthusiasm shows in his voice as he stares out onto the soccer field and the bright, blue sky. “We will have to celebrate!”

 Smiling, you shake your head at his optimism with the hope for this dream to come true remaining. “Hoseok, I don’t even know if I’ve been accepted, yet!”

 “I have no doubt,” he reaches over and pats your shoulder, his small grin showing his dimples again, inwardly making your heart skip a beat. It’s then the familiar buzz of your phone reminds you of your father’s arrival to pick you up and though you love your father, it takes everything in you not to groan. If you could sit here with Hoseok forever, you would.

 “Thank you, Hobi.” You say, nudging his shoulder with your own as you move to stand to your feet. His eyes always show a serenity when you use the nickname you gave him. It happened randomly but also naturally as if he has been your friend longer than he actually has. Hoseok looks up at you, positioning his head where the sun isn’t shining in his eyes.

 “What are you doing later?” You wonder, hugging your binder to your chest after slinging your bookbag over your shoulder.

 “I’m practicing dance moves with Jimin and Monnie. There are a few moves they’ve been struggling with, so I offered to help.”

 Auditions for the spring musical were a few weeks ago, and already being assigned roles, everyone in the drama club has been practicing nonstop in preparation for the play. Hoseok stands to his feet leaning backward to stretch. “You can come if you want to,” he insists, standing straighter. “I’d love for you to join.”

 Though disappointment fills you (because when do you not want to be with Hoseok), you remember your mom is planning on cooking dinner tonight, and you need to study not only for a quiz on Friday but study the couple lines you have for the musical as well as the songs of choice. “I can’t tonight, but I’ll catch you tomorrow?”

 “I’ll catch you tomorrow.” Hoseok raises his arms in the air, pulling you into a tight hug. As the both of you sway from side to side, you take in the faint smell of his cologne, his smooth chin resting against your forehead. It takes everything in you not to move to kiss him but then you remember that you’ve never been kissed. Pulling away slightly, you notice the atmosphere change, as if a nervous tension has made its appearance between you two. Slowly lifting your head, you see Hoseok’s ajar lips first before he swallows. Refraining from scrunching your eyebrows, you have no idea what to make of this moment with his arms still wrapped around you.

 Is there more that he wants to say?

 Abruptly, as if lightning has struck, Hoseok presses his lips ever so softly on your reddening cheek. Eyes wide and heart ramming against your sternum, you don’t even have time to react before he sprints off. Your fingertips touch the tingling spot of your cheek and now you will be counting down the minutes until you get to see him again.

 -

 The practices for the musical are building excitement for everyone in the drama club. The adrenaline rush of performing in front of a live audience along with the impact of the music when everyone’s voices join in loud harmony; the dance moves growing more in sync with every practice, the pure joy of getting to share this dream with people considered your second family; absolutely all of it gives everyone something to look forward to and you wouldn’t change that for the world.

 Turning the page to your wrinkled script, you briefly study the highlighted lines. The air outside has warmed, the cloudy day giving off a strange feeling as you try to focus on the words in front of you.

 Instead of pouncing feet, this time the footsteps are slower, heavier, dragging even. Curiosity mingled with concern fills you as you turn to see a quiet Jung Hoseok who is eyeing the ground, hands in pockets, pink lips in a straight line, walking to take a seat next to you. Furrowing your eyebrows, you’re surprised at his sudden change in demeanor. You haven’t seen Hoseok like this in a while.

 This morning he was all smiles and dancing his little jigs down the hallway whenever it was time to go to class. At first, you’re at a loss of what to say, and when Hoseok, finally meets your gaze, he swallows a lump in his throat.

 “Something’s going on with Monnie and Jimin.” He murmurs, concern evident in his features. Hoseok scratches at his knee then slips his slim fingers into his pocket. Shock fills you.

 “What!?” Replaying the day's events, it’s hard to keep up with Jimin and Monnie during the school day versus seeing them at drama club. Observing Hoseok, worry remains in his expression.

 “Jimin won’t tell me what’s going on, but he’s been upset all day.” Hoseok chews the side of his cheek, his eyes zoned out in front of him.

 “Have you spoken to Monnie?” Now realizing, the two of them haven’t texted in the group chat in a while, and you beat yourself up for being so oblivious.

 Hoseok shakes his head slowly, meeting your eyes. “She dodges me and Jimin every time we try to catch her attention.” Running a hand through his reddish-brown hair, he lets out a long sigh through his nose. All you know is whatever is going on is not good. Jimin and Monnie are crazy about each other whether they will admit it or not.

 “What about practice? When’s the last time you all got together for that?” Bringing your hand to your mouth, you can’t help gnawing on your nails, anxiety for your friends rising. Also, Hoseok has been practicing dance moves with them a lot recently; with Jimin, playing the prince, and Monnie, playing the main fairy, which are the lead roles, practice for them is imperative.

 “A few days ago.”

 “And everything was fine then?”

 “Yeah.” Hoseok is so quiet that you barely hear him. Your heart breaks, not only for the sadness of this situation. Without thinking, you set your stuff to the side, scooting closer to him, leaning your head against his shoulder. Your heart thumps within you at your sudden gesture, and self-consciously wondering what he may have thought of it. To your surprise he leans his head against yours, his warmth bringing peace after hearing the news about his friends.

 Selfishly, you’ve daydreamed about his kiss from the other day, but now you can’t even bring yourself to smile about it giddily as you’ve been. Until Jimin, Monnie and Hoseok are okay, you aren’t going to feel okay.

 Inwardly, you hope everything works out for the two of them. They are beautiful souls made just for each other; and whatever is going on, you hope it doesn’t last forever. Staring at the sky, Hoseok and you don’t speak, just sit comfortably in the silence. You can’t help but shove the fear aside- the fear of losing him. The past few months have been nothing, but you and him: becoming closer, encouraging each other, dreaming of your futures as well as the mutual excitement of hopefully attending the same college, dancing together, singing at the top of your lungs purposely missing notes, meeting at your favorite spot on the bleachers (your everyday routine) until your dad picks you up; it has been the most magical few months you’ll forever be thankful for. You just can’t imagine the two of you ever losing touch, and you don’t want to.

 Still cuddled up on his shoulder, you look down to see how near his hand is to yours. The back of his hand is so close that the desire to intertwine your fingers with his is hard to ignore. Swallowing, the nerves build within you, contemplating on if you should just do it and see what happens, or not do it for the fear of rejection. The second you slightly move your hand even closer to his, your phone buzzes.

 Hoseok lifts his head in response, unaware of your almost gesture, and looks toward your phone. “Is that your dad?”

 “Yeah,” you sigh, not in frustration, but more of disappointment only because you’re not ready to leave Hoseok. Meeting his eyes, he gives you a silly grin.

 “Well, I will see you tomorrow. I’ll update you if Jimin tells me what’s up.” Hoseok stands along with you as you turn to stuff your notes in your bag. “In the meantime, I think I’m going to go kick some ball with Kevin and his friend Shownu. Shin and Myung-jun may be joining, too.” As soon as you zip your bag up and sling it over your shoulder, Hoseok wraps you in his arms. It is a tradition, you have noticed, that you both do before you leave to meet with your dad.

 “I hope you have fun,” your voice is soft, savoring every second of his embrace. You get one more squeeze, nodding once when you both pull away. “Wait!” You spew the moment Hoseok starts to turn on a heel. If you can’t hold his hand yet, then you will return his gesture from what feels like forever ago. A gesture the pair of you haven’t talked about… yet. On your tiptoes, your palms greet his shoulders, and you plant the sweetest kiss you can on his cheek. He is just as stunned as you are, but you do not give him time to react.

 You jog up the bleachers toward the direction of your dad’s parked car. The ride home goes by fast because your mind is on full blast. Dad and you make small talk, but you don’t remember it because all you can think about is how soft Hoseok’s skin felt against your lips.

 As soon as the car parks in the driveway, you immediately run to the mailbox trying to force a distraction. Because did Hoseok like it? Will he think you’re crazy? He kissed you so why couldn’t you kiss him back? Is he going to act weird about it tomorrow? Will he say anything?

 You dissipate the thoughts by roughly shaking your head and return to the squeaky sound of the lid to the mailbox opening. Ever since applying to Konkuk, it’s been your number one priority to check the mail after school each afternoon. With already anxious fingers, you peek inside the dim, small space. A large, white letter outstands the rest of what you assume is junk mail and the panicky jitters swarm in your stomach.

 Reaching for the largest letter, you see your name in bold letters, a smile forming on your lips as excitement fills you. Running your eyes to the corner of the letter, there in the most beautifully typed font reads:

 Konkuk University.

 -

 When school starts the following morning, you’re all smiles as you tuck the unopened letter in one of your folders and settle it into your backpack. If there’s anyone in the world you want to open this letter with, it’s Jung Hoseok. Sitting in the first few classes nearly drives you mad as the nerves build with every second. Not just nerves involving whether you have been accepted into your dream college or not, but nerves from the kisses. They weren’t on the lips, but kissing someone’s cheek is just as much of a big deal, right?

 You carefully scan the crowded hallways between each class period, trying to stay alert for any signs of Jimin or Monnie. You texted Monnie last night to check up on her, but she was very concise with her reply, and you knew it was best to let her be until she feels better. Whatever is going on is her business and you never want to pry.

 LenLen was also the next person you texted, letting her know you received your letter from Konkuk. She showed her excitement with all caps and exclamation points leaving you a wide smile before you fell asleep. Despite the college excitement, you also scribbled in your journal about the events with Hoseok because you wanted to remember that moment for eternity.

 Now, nearing the end of the school day, the sun is shining high in the sky as you cling onto the strap of your backpack that seems to live on your shoulder. Heading in the direction of the bleachers to the soccer field, you hear the familiar joyful voice of Hoseok.

 “Y/N! Y/N!” He shouts, and before you can fully turn around, he lifts you in the air and twirls you around in his embrace. You laugh hysterically, watching as he does a little ditty, shuffling his feet in one of his infamous robotic dance moves after setting you down. As soon as he finishes, he rests his hands on your shoulders. “I got accepted! Konkuk accepted me! I am going to Konkuk University!”

 “Oh, Hobi!” You shout gleefully, crashing into his arms again while he sways you. “I am so proud of you!”

 “Did you get your letter?” He gleams, pulling away from the hug, his hands now lingering on your elbows.

 Nervously nodding whilst biting your bottom lip, you turn to unzip your bag, pulling out the folder you kept the letter in. “I haven’t opened it, yet.” You admit. A blush creeps on your cheeks. Confusion clouds Hoseok’s eyes as he looks at you.

 “Oh?”

 “I wanted you with me.” Holding his eyes, his lips part then relax into a timid grin. With shaky fingers, you thumb at the flap of the envelope, carefully opening it. Your heart pounds loudly as you gulp. Once you free the letter from its thin package, you unfold it slowly, bringing it to your line of vision.

 Taking a moment to find the sentence you need to read, your shoulders go rigid, your fingertips are suddenly ice cold as the whole world around you stops. Tears brim in your eyes, as your heart falls to the ground in shattered glass pieces.

 To: [Y/L/N] [Y/F/N],

 Thank you for your application into our Acting and Arts program as we are very honored for your consideration of us to pursue your educational career path. We are very sorry and regretful to say that we are not able to accept your admission to Konkuk University at this time…

 The words blur before you. Your mouth hangs open, but no words are coming out. Every hope and dream you had for attending Konkuk has disappeared along with the excitement you had been feeling since applying. The emptiness in your chest is smothering you, and the worst part is…

 “Y/N?” Hoseok steps forward, worry all over his face as his gentle voice brings you back to the present. Realizing you haven’t said a word, your eyes shoot to meet his.

 The even worse of the worst part is, the one person who has finally entered your life; the one person who you dreamed of being by your side through college and hopefully further in life; the one person who you’ve been inseparable with for a short span of time, will be far away. Konkuk is about five hours away from your town, and just the thought of hardly getting to see Hoseok destroys you.

 Tears spill onto your cheeks. You have no words. Bringing a shaky hand to your face, you run. The letter sways in the wind behind you as you choke back a fit of sobs. Hoseok’s voice calls your name, but it fades in the distance. You run elsewhere. Anywhere that is not you and Hoseok’s favorite spot; any place where you will not be found.

 At least, not until your father picks you up from school.

 Devastation overwhelms you as the tears continuously soak your cheeks. All your hopes were set on Konkuk University. And, for the first time in a long time,

 you feel stuck.

 -

 The covers of your bed have never felt so welcoming as you cuddle further under the comforter. The empty feeling in your chest is prominent as you try to shove the earlier humiliation from your mind. Squeezing the bridge of your nose, heavy footsteps catch your attention.

 “Hey…” The deep voice of your dad sounds as he cracks the door open. With red, puffy eyes, you look at him, his sad face showing pity. “Mom and I are heading out to visit your grandma.” It looks as if he wants to invite you to come but knowing the information you received today along with your sloppy appearance, he decides against it. “Just wanted you to know that your mom and I are proud of you. Always. Don’t let this end your hope.” Blinking back tears, you force a grin at your dad’s words. “There’s always an answer. Konkuk just happened to not be it.”

 Nodding, a tear slides down your cheek while your dad continues. “Don’t give up, y/n. We believe in you.”

 Thanking him hoarsely, your dad gives a nod, closing the door behind him. Minutes drag, and you decide to brush your teeth to rid of the sour taste in your mouth and prepare for bed early. Maybe sleeping will help you escape this misery for a while. Once you’re freshened up, you throw on a pair of yoga pants and a loose T-shirt refusing to look in the mirror at your appearance and trying to enjoy the freedom of not wearing a bra. As you make your way to your bed again, you lift the blankets when the sound of the doorbell makes you jump.

 Heart thudding lightly, your eyebrows furrow, sniffing back the excess mucus clogging your nose. Your parents haven’t been gone that long and if they had forgotten something, they would have texted you first. Making your way to the door, you open it. Your eyes enlarge in astonishment when you see Jung Hoseok, lips parted, staring into your eyes. Embarrassment flushes through you as your cheeks and chest burn. You know you look awful. You also know that you feel awful. Not a good combination, you scold yourself.

 “Hello...” He murmurs. His hands bury in the pockets of his blue and yellow jacket. “Can I come in?” He asks after sixty seconds of silence. Speechless, you nod with a forced grin. Hoseok steps through the front door then you close it behind him. It’s not the first time he has been to your house; he’s been countless times for homework purposes and drama club practices. You just didn’t expect him at your doorstep at this moment right now. You never dreamed he would show up to see you unexpectedly like a movie.

 The two of you hold eyes, regret pooling in your heart. Hoseok’s arms loosen to then step forward, pulling you into a tight hug. Your body trembles against him from the tears brimming in your eyes.

 “I’m so sorry.” You whisper. You are not only sad about not being accepted by your dream college, but you are in pure devastation at the thought of losing Hoseok. The man you have been longing for since you were eight years old. Why is it that when he is finally in your life, a part of your world, that life wants to strip him away from you again?

 “No, no…” He says tenderly, his chest so warm pressed against your cheek. “Please don’t be sorry.”

 “I just… I just didn’t know what to do.” You sob. Once you both pull away after your minutes of crying subsides, Hoseok follows you into your room. The both of you sit on your bed, and his knee brushes your thigh as you two shift comfortably facing each other. Silence drowns the room, but only for a few minutes before you speak. “I’m so happy for you.”

 Hoseok glimpses at you from his twiddling hands, his pink lips form into a sweet grin. He looks as if there’s something he wants to say, but decides against it, returning his eyes downward, his fingers move to play with a piece of lint he finds on the comforter.

 Awkwardly, you tuck a strand of hair behind your ear and sniff, the emptiness you feel not doing any better. You feel horrible for running off like that; you really are happy for Hoseok, and you hope he knows that despite your devastation of being rejected by Konkuk. Deep down, you know he’s not angry with you for feeling this way, so why you are overthinking it you don’t know.

 “Come here…” Hoseok says warmly. Looking up at him in surprise, he moves forward, embracing you once again to you resting into the side of his neck. His warm skin sends those familiar shivers all through your body. How can someone captivate you this much without even knowing it? Without thinking, you whisper.

 “I’m going to miss you so much.” Your voice breaks as your chin trembles. “So, so much.”

 He moves just enough to meet your eyes again, and his face is so close that you can feel his breath against your chin. Your eyes notice when his lips part, both of you staring without making one sound. You have never been kissed on the lips before, and never in your wildest dreams would you have imagined it to be with Jung Hoseok. Butterflies grip you internally as the tip of his nose brushes the side of yours, his eyes closing as you hold your breath.

 As smooth as the touch of a flower petal, Hoseok’s lips press to yours ever so warm and ever so soft making your head spin sporadically. The two of you pull away but only for a second to stare into each other’s eyes, as if he’s asking permission to kiss you again. “You have no idea how long I’ve been wanting to do that.” He smiles so wide; you can hardly conceal the excitement bursting all over your heart that is mending because of him and those words.

 The infamous pound of your heart awakes in your temples the second Hoseok kisses you again.  His thumbs stroke your cheeks as your hands grasp his forearms following his lead. As your lips move together, you feel yourself laying back onto the numerous pillows against the bed frame. His body aligns with yours, the material of his jeans thick against your yoga pants. There are no words to describe the happiness igniting within you as you get lost in the feel of his kiss, the way his hair feels between your fingers, the tip of his tongue circling yours, and the way your legs tangle together. This day might have started off in the most horrible way, but Hoseok knew exactly how to mold that misery into a bliss you never thought you would ever experience.

 There are just no words.

 His eyes meet yours once more as a beautiful smile spreads upon his face. “I’m going to miss you more.” And with that, he kisses you repeatedly, and you never want this night to end.

 Never in a million years.

 {18}

 The clinking sounds of silverware interspersed with the numerous conversations populate the atmosphere as you rush from table to table refilling drinks or taking orders. It’s hard to focus on the task at hand after being here all day, but you manage to give polite smiles despite the stress of the crowd growing. It’s been several months post high school graduation since you started your full-time job here waitressing, saving up money until you find the right college for you. 

 Swiftly, wiping your sweaty palms along your apron, you take a quick break to check your phone.

 When you have yet to receive a message from Hoseok, you feel your heart drop in disappointment. Hoseok left for college a month ago at the end of summer, and though you know his schedule is continuously busy, it’s like him and you have barely been able to speak a word since the two of you said goodbye. Fighting the urge to cry, you set your phone back in your locker and sprint to see if any of your customers’ food is ready.

 The job continues to keep your mind busy enough to dismiss the sadness from checking your phone a bit ago, but not busy enough from the memories of your friends. You’ve never missed your friends so much; almost seeing them every single day to never seeing them at all took a toll on you, especially when Hoseok left.

 The final days of your senior year were eventful other than the suffocating exams that consumed everyone’s time studying. LenLen and Hoseok were the only two who kept you sane through the horrendous time; and now, after finishing the final exam, you make your way toward the front doors of the school, stopping dead in your tracks. Jimin and Monnie are standing a good distance apart; Monnie hugging a binder to her chest, her stiff shoulders apparent as her and Jimin never break eye contact.

 “Hey, y/n.” Hoseok’s voice echoes. When you turn to him with nervous eyes, he looks out the glass doors to realize why you’re silent.

 “Oh, shit.” He whispers, grabbing your arm and pulling you to a corner to where you both couldn’t be seen easily. Heart-shattering, you watch as Monnie mouths something to Jimin, even from where you’re standing, you can see tears glistening in both of their eyes. Jimin looks down for a moment, returning his eyes to her, mouthing something in her direction as well. As if the moment was lost, Monnie rushes to a car that pulls up, and you assume it’s one of her parents coming to pick her up.

 A memory floods your mind from the previous week, when Monnie, with sad eyes, told you the news that nearly broke you.

 “I’m moving back home.” She whispered. Shock overwhelmed you at her statement, being her home is basically a plane trip away.

 “What?” Stunned, a tear spilled onto your cheek. “Monnie, no-” you remembered the night the spring musical ended, Monnie left immediately afterward without a word to anyone. Jimin, depression evident in his countenance, leaned on Hoseok for strength as the mystery of Jimin and Monnie remained. They never told anyone what happened, and if they had it was very vague.

 “I know.” She said, looking down to avoid you seeing her cry. Enveloping her in a tight hug, you held her close as she broke into silent sobs, and you refused to let her go until she was ready.

 A warm hand intertwined with yours, the memory slips away as you watch Jimin disappear around the corner of the school.

 “Do you think it’s because she’s moving?” You murmur. Meeting Hoseok’s eyes, the both of you share a knowing look of worry, wishing there was something you could do to reunite the couple you two weren’t sure you would ever see again.

 “I don’t- I don’t know.” He says softly, wrapping his arm around your waist for comfort.

 The memory fades into the evening along with your will to smile. Thankfully, the second closing comes around, you quickly help wipe down tables, tidy up the chairs, and wash dishes before you gather your purse and phone. Refusing to look at your phone screen, you wait for the arrival of your mother to pick you up, wishing you were brave enough to get your license. Although, as soon as you settle in the passenger side, your mom and you make small talk until you both make it to the house.

 Running to shower, afterwards, you freshen up with a pair of clean pajamas, soon settling into your room for the evening. Your legs are sore from standing all day. As if on an impulse, your fingers tap along the phone screen and before you know it, you’re dialing Hoseok’s number. After the long day you’ve had, your heart yearns to hear his sweet laugh, hoping maybe it can bring some healing before you fall asleep for the night.

 Chewing on your fingernails, the anxiety rising beneath your chest surprises you. Why are you so nervous? It’s not like you and him are strangers. Before you can scold yourself any further, the sound of his voice snaps you out of your thoughts.

 “Hey.” Hoseok’s voice sounds frantic once he answers on the fourth or fifth ring. Taking note of his heavy breathing, you wonder if he just came back from dance practice, or maybe he went for a jog.

 “Hey.” A grin fills your face just at the relief of finally hearing him after what felt like so long. It has been a while since you and Hoseok have spoken over the phone, and it’s hard ignoring how much you have missed him since his leaving for Konkuk.

 “Hey, y/n, I’m so sorry but I can’t talk right now.”

 A strange feeling overwhelms you as disappointment knocks on your heart. “Hoseok, is everything okay? I just feel like we haven’t talked in so long and it’s starting to worry me. I just, I-”

 “I know, and really I’m so sorry, I promise I will explain everything later but right now, Jin and I are rushing to the hospital-”

 “Wha-?” Shock engulfs you, and you can feel your voice thicken with fear.

 “One of our friends just got in an accident.”

 *

 Your heart had stopped at his words and your whole body went numb. It’s been a few days, and still Hoseok’s words have echoed in your mind continually. Swiftly, you asked Hoseok to update you on everything before the two of you hung up. Of course, he promised, but even now, still waiting, you have yet to hear from him.

 Sighing in utter frustration, mostly to yourself for being so selfish, you collapse onto your parade of pillows, pulling up your Facebook app. Just the thought of someone getting hurt tore you up completely. It’s one of those situations where you wish with all your heart and soul that you could help and save somebody from their storms. Then during the healing process, prove to them that they are not alone, and that you will do everything in your power to help them find an escape from their torments.

 Turning on your side, you try to ignore the uneasy feeling at the pit of your stomach. You wish misery wasn’t a thing; especially right now, with worry racking your whole brain with everything being unknown. You have no idea if Hoseok’s friend is okay, and you also don’t know if Hoseok and his friend Jin are okay, and overall, you think that’s what’s driving you insane the most. How can you be okay if you have no idea if anyone you know is alright?

 Scrolling through your Facebook timeline, you try to distract yourself from the inner turmoil of fear threatening to consume you. As if this week couldn’t get any worse, what catches your eye next causes you to sit up. In the picture sits a group of people, all tagged from what looks to be a middle-aged woman who you assume is somebody’s mother, and as your eyes linger over their faces, you pause at the young girl who is smiling contently with Hoseok’s arm wrapped around her shoulders.

 Hoseok’s arm wrapped around her shoulders.

 Blinking back tears, you take in his dimpled grin expression, the one you had fallen in love with over and over again; realization plagues you and now everything makes sense as to why you haven’t heard from him as much. Clicking off Facebook, you decide to deactivate your account as well as the many other social media accounts you have that Hoseok follows. You don’t even hesitate to block his number. Hoseok has moved on, and even though you don’t want to accept it, you must. Slinging your phone toward the end of the bed, you bury your face into the comforter letting the thick material muffle the wails as warm tears stream down your face.

 {22}

 Do people truly move on from a broken heart? Or do they suppress the situation so far in the back of their mind that they eventually numb themselves from the pain of the devastation? Either one could be you, but you haven’t given it much thought in four long years. More like forced yourself not to think about it.

 Twirling the cold beverage in your hand, the evident taste of beer pools on your tongue once you take a slow sip. You do not necessarily care for alcoholic beverages, but this brewery in downtown has been a nice place to frequent on lonely Friday nights. A few stragglers take a seat at the bar while the bar tenders’ breeze back and forth to prepare the orders.

 You never went to college. Almost did, but you couldn’t shake the feeling that it wasn’t the right thing to do at the time.  However, you found a job opportunity to become a prop organizer for sets. Did you go for it? You did, training under a family friend, but held the bitterness of not attending your dream college, so you decided to work on multiple television sets for a couple years until you changed career paths. Instead, you applied for a banking job. You have your own desk at least and a set schedule. You also always have weekends off and the pay is somewhat decent.

 Are you happy at the job? Not really but are you content with the job? To an extent. LenLen shoots a brief text with a picture of a meme that makes you smirk to yourself. You are grateful that you have maintained a wonderful friendship with this angelic human being. If it wasn’t for her then you would have never gotten over… Him. But as one may question, have you really gotten over him? You have made it clear to your parents, you didn’t move on because you wanted to, it’s because you had to. He found someone else. You finally accepted that you merely weren’t enough for him. LenLen argues that you should have communicated with him to be sure, but you disagree.

 Regardless, you refuse to say his name, or create any social media that puts you at risk from seeing something that will rehash the day you discovered he had someone else. The only human being you have kept up with is Monnie from her movie premieres. She has become a highly known actress since you last saw her in high school- a super successful actress in her career. Subconsciously, you wonder if Monnie was ever able to rekindle her relationship with Jimin now that they are adults, but for now, you cheer Monnie on from the sidelines. She deserves her fame, and you will forever be so proud of her.

 LenLen still harps about how cool it is that the pair of you attended school with a celebrity. And you definitely agree. You also hope Monnie’s heart has been mended the way you wish yours would. What is it about losing someone special that can take away so much of you? Sometimes you regret letting the initial pain from four years ago haunt you still. Why can’t you just forget about him entirely?

 Your stomach gurgles momentarily to remind you that you need to eat something before you get buzzed. Unfortunately, you aren’t a fan of the food at the brewery, so you plan to run by a drive thru when you decide to head home.

 The slide of a full glass of beer captures your attention when the lean fit frame of an individual carefully takes a seat beside you. Do you turn to look? Is it appropriate to stare? Your shoulders tense especially when you smell the crisp scent of cologne. You could smack yourself too because it smells delightful.

 You’ve dated here and there, but they were never good enough. LenLen blames it on your past heartbreak, but you assure her that is not the case. At least, you wish it wasn’t the case but here you are. Whoever this person is, smoothly leaning on his elbow to face you, is entering dangerous territory if he is going to smell this enticing.  

 “Waiting on anyone?” His voice is like velvet when he speaks, and you shift in the stool to eye him curiously. Your heart skips a sudden beat, and you have to fight every fiber of your being to put on your best acting skills.

 Black strands are tousled though few are wisping at the corners of his brown irises. An amused gaze stays in his expression and along the smooth, pale skin of his face tilts a gentle smirk with pink, thin lips. He is the most beautiful, exquisite man you have seen in a while. And he chose to plant his rump next to you. Great.

 “I’m not.” You timidly bite your bottom lip because what else are you supposed to do? You already want to hide from the heated blush running along your chest, but you remain rooted in your seat.

 Relief shows in the form of his dropping shoulders as he breathes a swift sigh. “Good because I’m not as tough as I was trying to look.”

 “Nonsense!” You giggle profusely, seeing the way his smile grows into one of comfort.

 “No, really. I’m not one to fight, but I was going to throw some hands if it means at least getting your name. Jaehyun,” his smile stays intact as he offers his hand. Feeling the warmth of his palm, you are embarrassed when you notice yours is clammy, but Jaehyun doesn’t seem to mind.

 “Y/N,” you say softly, having a hard time taking your eyes off him.

 He seems as though he wants to say something, but he’s so entranced by you that he clears his throat awkwardly instead. “What brings you here alone on a Friday night?” Jaehyun takes a sip of his beer.

 Shrugging your shoulders, you realize your hand is tightly gripping your glass from the nerves. “Honestly… I don’t know. It’s just a place for me to escape to for a while.”

 “Do you… Give me permission to join you? Sometimes escaping is fun if you have a partner in crime.” Hope resonates in his eyes at the question and there’s something about him that you can’t shake. Is this a coincidence? Or is this fate? Will he be the one to mend your heart into what it should be? You aren’t sure, but you will gladly find out.

 “Of course,” you smile, and that became the beginning of a new love story. Or so you hope.

 {23}

 The time we all have been waiting for

 One year ago, you met your boyfriend, Jaehyun, and one year ago is when you experienced a high you have missed. He was your first everything aside from kissing, and once intimacy became comfortable, it then became addicting. You did learn after a month of courting, that Jaehyun had gone through a horrible break up leading to the night you both first met. As much as you would love to admit that you relate to him, you don’t. You want to keep your former love buried deep in the crevices of your mind, so your heart can breathe.

 What really piqued your interest in Jaehyun was discovering he is a cameraman for movies galore. How crazy is that? You have always wanted a career related to film and acting and here you are dating a cameraman. A successful one at that. His father happens to be a well-known director so part of that has contributed to his career, but you have enjoyed the sets you secretly have gotten to visit whether the movie makes it to the big screen or not.

 There’s just… something missing. You cannot seem to pinpoint exactly what it is that’s missing. But something just isn’t there. The guilt eats you alive somedays, but Jaehyun has been a dedicated lover and friend, so why ruin what is a decent relationship?

 “I’ll be back tomorrow, and by then, I should have more information on where my next job is located.” Jaehyun reaches to hold you then plants a soft kiss to your lips. “Behave.”

 Snickering, you shove him. “I can’t promise I won’t fuck something up. The cookie jar was just meant to fall off the counter.”

 “Pushed.” He corrects.

 “Accidentally.”

 Jaehyun shakes his head teasingly at you while his fingers move to grip your hips. “I want everything intact when I get back, okay?”

 “Roger that.” You nod once, letting the next kiss linger. The tip of his tongue greets yours which prompts you to moan.

 “I’ll miss you.” He whispers.

 “I’ll miss you, too. Let me know when you land.”

 You hate the loneliness you feel when Jaehyun leaves to travel to his job locations. But you know he must. The pair of you moved in together four months after dating which you know is a bit fast, but he had been so good to you that you couldn’t help but rush it. It’s as if you were chasing a spark, you hoped would remain, but never truly found it. But nobody has to know that but you. You always liked his company because he always stayed so peaceful. You assume that his presence not being in the house makes you feel you might succumb into the sadness you experienced so long ago.

 The second Jaehyun calls the next morning, you can’t believe the exhilarating news he shares. “Do you remember the girl you went to school with that became an actress?”

 Your breathing hitches. “Monnie?”

 “That’s the one!” Jaehyun beams to the point that you can tell he’s smiling on the other end of the line. “She’s starring in the movie I was hired to help film!”

 “Are you serious!? Goodness, it’s been years since I’ve seen her!”

 “Well about that...” Jaehyun hints, and you steady your excitement.

 “Yes? Come on, spit it out!”

 “So, they’re doing a table reading of the script while the rest of us crew prepares the sets. And I may or may not have bought you a plane ticket, so you and her can catch up.”

 “No way!” You screech. “You mean it? I’m really going to see her!? Oh God, what if she doesn’t remember me?”

 Jaehyun’s laugh reverberates through the phone. “Of course, she remembers you, and she’d love to see you again. It was her idea to fly you out here!”

 “Oh, you tell her thank you so much! …Am I on speaker?” You lower your voice.

 “… No?”

 “You’re going to get you some of that goody good the second the plane lands you best believe. I’ll even wear a thong.”

 Jaehyun’s chuckle darkens with lust. “I’ll be ready. I love you.”

 “Love you.” You nearly scream, jumping on your bed in happiness. You get to reconnect with an old friend, and maybe being with Jaehyun for a bit will strengthen the hope that there shouldn’t be any doubt about this relationship. Scurrying to your closet, you throw all your clothes down to figure out what you’re going to wear and what you’re going to pack.

 If only you knew who else was going to be there the moment you arrive.

 -

 You’re exhausted by the time the flight ends, but you happily greet your boyfriend who smiles widely at your presence. “There you are.” He coos, pinching your chin before planting a sweet kiss.

 “I need some caffeine.” You say, kissing him one more time. “Has the table reading started?”

 “It has, but as long as traffic is fine, we may make it on time.”

 Throwing your duffel in the back of the rental car, you shuffle to the passenger side letting Jaehyun rest his large hand on your thigh. Why aren’t you as excited to see him as you hoped you would be? In all honesty, you’re more excited to see Monnie more than your own boyfriend.

 “Hopefully me and Monnie can reschedule if we end up late.” You are disappointed, but it is also not your fault that your flight was delayed by two hours. Jaehyun squeezes your thigh while your eyes gaze at the scenery passing by. Jaehyun offers to grab you a coffee, but you decline in hopes it will get you to Monnie faster.

 Once the car is parked, you, hand in hand with Jaehyun, enter the facility and you halt unintentionally when you see a frantic Park Jimin, a blonde Park Jimin at that, running after who you see to be Monnie who is keeping her gaze downward. Your eyes widen in elation. Have they been in contact this whole time? Then… Why do they look so worried?

 You squeeze Jaehyun’s hand and whisper, him leaning closer so he can hear you. “I think it’s safe to say that we’re rescheduling.” Jaehyun sees the scene as the couple in the distance disappear around a corner and he mouths an ‘Oh.’

 “I’ll show you around, then.” He clears his throat, and he unintentionally drops your hand when the pair of you round a corner into where a large table with numerous chairs sits. Few sparse, bundles of people are sharing conversation that echoes throughout the building and when someone starts greeting Jaehyun, your eyes scan the room until they stop on an individual whose coffee cup drops right out of his hand in pure, debilitating astonishment.

 His shoulders shudder in embarrassment, but your heart is racing so fast, you are not sure if you are breathing. How is this possible? How is this real? Someone with blue hair beside him rushes to clean the mess, but you can’t run because your boyfriend is only a few inches from you, yet you back away slowly to try and calm yourself. You feel lightheaded as if you are in a torturous dream, especially when you catch his eyes again that are equally enlarged with disbelief.

 “Ho-Hoseok?”

    7 years earlier…

 Hoseok smiles triumphantly at the director of the college who unfortunately sent your letter of acceptance to the wrong individual who happened to share the same name as you. Hoseok couldn’t be more thankful to solve this mistake, and to celebrate, he has been working two part time jobs on top of juggling his college classes to save up money to purchase a necklace he has been dying to get you since he moved to Konkuk University.

 He knew something wasn’t right that you didn’t get accepted into Konkuk when your grades should have reflected how hard working of a student you are. Secretly, he made it a pact to get to the bottom of it, and now that he has, he cannot wait to share this news with you. You can either start classes this coming spring or start completely the following year and Hoseok will remain by you every waking moment. Even if it’s mostly over phone for now.

 He misses you more than words can say, and the exhaustion that plagues him continually is no help on the nights he’d rather stay up talking to you. He does feel guilty on the other hand that he hardly has been able to text much due to his doting schedule. Seokjin, a friend he gained, who has been a much better colleague than Kevin, greets him at the library where they plan to study.

 Hoseok has made acquaintances too, one being a guy with blue hair named Yoongi and the other being a girl named Sun Hee who Hoseok believes is Yoongi’s girlfriend from the way they interact. What Hoseok didn’t expect after gradually introducing the small group in his life is the accident that ensues that leaves Yoongi injured and in the hospital.

 Of course, you had called right when he finds out the terrifying news that leaves him and a frantic Seokjin scurrying to the car to make it to the hospital. He plans to call you to tell you everything at some point but as the days continue, the nerves involving Yoongi get worse and Hoseok can hardly focus on anything else but his friend. If anything, he wishes he has you to hold, but he knows it would be impossible for you to make it the five hours to him when you don’t have your license yet. Nor does he want to interrupt your job. Or, upset your dad.

 Many students who either have classes with Yoongi, family, or friends of Yoongi’s visit him as he recovers which thankfully has been good news. At one point, Hoseok walks over to comfort Sun Hee who is still trying to get past the emotional distress of it all, so he wraps a friendly arm around her shoulder before Yoongi’s mom proudly asks everyone to take a picture. Yoongi’s mom wants her son to remember the endless support he has no matter what and Hoseok grins as the camera flashes before him and Seokjin head back to the dorms to rest.

 What Hoseok doesn’t anticipate is the fact none of his messages deliver when he goes to text you. Heart pounding anxiously, he attempts to call but nothing goes through. But… Why? Of course, he goes to check social media to see you are nowhere to be found, and the confusion muddling his mind is no help. Did you block him?

 Seokjin consoles Hoseok while he scrambles around the room wondering what to do in order to think thoroughly about it all. Did you find someone else? Why did you cut him off? How is he going to tell you about the good news with Konkuk? Seokjin offers for Hoseok to use his phone, but Hoseok is scared you would mistake Jin’s number for a scam caller since you obviously do not have Seokjin’s phone number. The pain hovers in his chest while he fights the tears. Was it because he didn’t get a chance to talk to you much?

 Hoseok, months later, pays a visit to your home with hope to see you again, feel your embrace one more time, but is greeted by your dad who lets him know that you are working at a different location and isn’t sure when you will be back. Your father never told you because he knew exactly what you would do, so it’s a secret he keeps safe since he is the one who saw your heart shattered over the boy he is staring back at.

 Hoseok apologizes then visits his parents for a few more days before returning to Konkuk. At this point, the necklace dangles before him once he is in the security of his dorm and tears of guilt drip onto the bed covers. If only he knew how to find you again, he would do anything. For now, he will try and accept that maybe he wasn’t enough for you after all.

 -

 {23}

 You kept him for years in your every thought, every word you wrote and every pound of your heart. Dancing eyes that glued to your soul the moment he kissed you, and touches as gentle as flower petals loomed all over your skin. His smile haunted you even in times that you begged for it not to and why you are saying this in all past tense is just you trying to hide the truth. He still does. He still resonates with you even as if he never tore your heart to shreds.

 You haven’t seen him in almost seven years, yet his memory burns alive as if you physically relive the memories every day. As if his touch is as fresh as it had been the first time, he ever held you in his arms. Why must life be so cruel? To toy with you as if he is ultimately meant to be your forever just to take him away from you repeatedly.

 You didn’t give him a chance the last time. You made the choice for him because he found someone else. Why couldn’t he just be yours? Why was he there when you least expected it? Now, every feeling you’ve tried to hide is igniting into the present.

 You stand there frozen for a timeless eternity locking eyes with the one man you never thought you would see again. He is just as stunned. You can see it in his eyes and from the way his Adam’s apple bobs at the gulp he swallows. You can tell by the scripts on the table right in front of Hoseok that he must be casted in this movie, and all you can think through your catapulting thoughts is that you would have found Hoseok much earlier if you hadn’t run late to the table reading. After all this time, and from the memories of high school, it is clear Hoseok has finally chosen to follow his dreams, and that, despite the turmoil hounding your chest, you feel a pang of warmth at the realization.

 In your peripherals, you remember a very important detail suddenly. What about Jaehyun? Instead of turning, your auditory senses pick up your boyfriend still having a conversation with who you assume is a coworker. He has no idea about the stare down going on behind him.

 Now, you know why Monnie ran. She didn’t expect to see Jimin here either. Is this the place where love reconnects? Or was your original thought, correct? Is fate just messing with you? Why now? Why couldn’t you be single right now, so this guilt rising in your chest didn’t exist? Why should you feel guilty though? Nothing has happened other than the immense wave of emotions plaguing your entire system. Would that have something to do with it? Holy fuck.

 You do not know how you survive the day avoiding Hoseok the way you do, and Jaehyun is starting to get worried about how frantic you appear as if you want to run. Safely getting to the hotel that evening, you don’t even remember how to do your typical evening routine. With how nauseous you feel, you nibble on your dinner trying to assure Jaehyun that you are fine.

 The second day at the set, Hoseok could not take his eyes off you and Jaehyun, though you do not know, happens to notice how often you and the red headed actor keep sneaking glimpses at each other. This day confirms your assumption that Hoseok is indeed a part of this movie. You learn from the second table reading, where you get to briefly wave at Monnie when she arrives, that Hoseok is casted as one out of the seven guys who are hopelessly in love with Monnie’s character.

 At one point, Jimin happens to recognize you and sends you a wave as well. You can tell Monnie is also being observant by the way she scans the noticeably awkward way you refuse to interact with Hoseok. Monnie is aware how close you and Hoseok were in high school so how come neither of you are acting as if you once were friends?

 “Are you okay?” Jaehyun, all in his camera gear, leans in and whispers. You hum a ‘yes’ in response, but you can tell he doesn’t believe you.

 The third day, you feel how tired you are from the lack of sleep due to not wanting to dream about Hoseok while your boyfriend is sleeping right next to you, so you tossed and turned until you couldn’t take it anymore. All the stress of seeing Hoseok is starting to take a toll and when arriving with Jaehyun, at one point, you see Hoseok standing off to the side while a few of the cast members are preparing to film a scene. You aren’t sure where Jaehyun went off to, but you gaze at Hoseok with the longing you wish would stop burdening you. You also wish you could tell Hoseok how proud you are that he is finally choosing to follow his dreams because as you watch him observing the scene being played out, he looks so lovely that the sadness washing over you becomes intense.

 It is then that Hoseok sees you. An overwhelming feeling that neither of you can explain becomes existent and he holds your eyes as if that’s the only constant keeping him at bay. You try to read his stare while he looks into your soul, yet your feet remain planted for the moment. There is no way that you are the only one who feels this connection. There is absolutely no way. So, why did he choose someone else all these years ago?

 Something breaks the gaze because instead of putting on your best, inner actress, you flee to the nearest restroom. The nausea is intense- much more intense than you realize because you are throwing your hair back immediately in preparation for the retching. Nothing really comes up but some bile since you haven’t eaten yet, and now you are breathing steady to calm your nerves.

 Sometimes an overwhelming amount of shock and anxiety can do this to you, so you aren’t surprised. You just are grateful that nobody else is occupying the restroom so that you can think. What in the bloody hell do you do? Do you approach him? Do you continue to ignore him? Do you tell Jaehyun? The thoughts turn into pacing while you clench your stomach because what the hell are you supposed to do? Jung Hoseok is in the same vicinity as you and there is no one else you’d rather… confront for lack of a better term. But is it worth confronting him for all the pain he caused you what feels at this point like a lifetime ago?

 Will he even remember? Will he understand why you blocked him from your life? He will just have to because he chose somebody else over you. Whereas you spent majority of your life putting him first. Is this why you feel betrayed deep down? You know ultimately you should have put yourself first which is what you learned before turning twenty-two and prior to meeting your boyfriend. Otherwise, Hoseok was all that mattered to you.

 And he still fucking does.

 Gritting your teeth, you rummage through your purse for a small bottle of mouth wash that you keep for emergencies and swish it around your teeth and tongue. You rid of the foul taste and rinse with some water before taking a few deep breaths. You can do this, y/n. Just fake a smile and act as if you are going to be in this movie yourself.

 Placing your hand on the bathroom door, you shove it slowly as if you are hiding from someone. Which technically you are but you get the picture. You investigate the hallways that echo a small number of footsteps, so you, in relief, step out into the unknown thinking all is safe. Standing, you can’t remember which direction you came from, so awkwardly you just continue to… Stand there. You decide to reach into your purse for your phone to text Jaehyun, but fast steps dissipate your movement.

 “Follow me.” A familiar voice halts your heart. He grasps your wrist before you can scream, but it’s not a firm grip, it’s a gentle hold and you jolt your stare to see a hazy view of red hair who leads you into a storage room set off to the side. You should stop him. You should shout. You should fight to call Jaehyun. But you don’t. And repentantly- you don’t want to.  

 Hoseok kicks the door closed behind him until your back shoves against a wall. Red strands hover over his determined eyes as he breathes heavy, now holding both of your wrists that he pins to the wall. You can’t even respond because your words die in your throat. This is the hottest fucking thing you have encountered, and you will keep that with you till the grave.  

 There are no words shared, just ajar mouths of panting, but he is so close that you feel his breath brushing your chin. Your body is begging for more of his touch at this point, but you do not move a muscle. It is then that you remember that you are supposed to be mad at him. Yet simultaneously you want to kiss him so bad. He can’t know this though. You have a boyfriend. You must think about Jaehyun.

 “Let go of me.” You say through gritted teeth even though it destroys your heart piece by piece to even say it. Hoseok hesitates, but calmly releases his fingers that curled around your wrists and steps back carefully. Your heart is betraying you because you would do anything just to make love with him right here and now, but it isn’t the right thing to do especially with how he broke your heart. And, for the sake of Jaehyun’s heart.

 Hoseok turns just to rake thin hands through his hair before he runs a palm along his face. “I don’t know what came over me.”

 You do. Because you feel the powerful truth resonating in this very room. You’re hurting over Hoseok and Hoseok is hurting over you. Neither of you truly know the reasons why.

 What is mind blowing to you is how seven years flies by and it is like he was never a stranger. The emotions you’ve suppressed are waiting to burst at the seams as if they would even when he was still in your life. You do not know how this is possible. You know it’s crazy. You know nothing right now makes any sense and you want to scream at the top of your lungs. And, you know even if you were to have gone back to Jaehyun, Hoseok would have done exactly what he is doing now and that is confronting the reality that you both are here. In a place far away from your hometown, you both by some twisted form of fate end up in the same place at the same time. Of course, you are pondering the odds of this, of course you fucking are. All you know is you can’t let Hoseok hurt you again. Plus, now you have Jaehyun.  

 “I have to go.” You finally say in the deafening silence prompting Hoseok to turn swiftly to face you where his widened eyes hold the same desperation that you feel. Yet, he is so beautiful. Fuck. Even to this day. He is exactly how you remember but grown out of the boyish charm from high school and into a man. Your heart is pounding through your temples while you take in his features. He’s just so beautiful.

 “Please…” He murmurs, stepping forward as if being even closer to you can make all of this add up. “Before you go, just tell me why.”

 His statement catches you off guard. Why? What does he mean why?  He can see the disbelief written all over your expression which causes him to question inwardly. How does he have the nerve to question your reasons for cutting him off? He knows good and damn well why. He has to.

 You feel unsteady briefly, but you are thankful to hear your phone buzzing within your purse which you figure must be Jaehyun. Hoseok understandably gives up accepting that you must have moved on just as you assumed he has.

 Reaching for the doorknob with horribly shaky fingers, you pause for a moment collecting enough strength to end this strange yet alluring moment on good terms. “I’m proud of you.” You whisper, Hoseok’s gaze burning innocently at the back of your head while his heart feels as though it is going to explode watching you leave. “You followed your dreams. There was never a reason for you to be ashamed… Goodbye.”

 And with that, you exit the storage room, returning Jaehyun’s call to ask him if he can take you to the hotel while you muster with all your strength not to erupt in a pool of endless tears.

 -

 A towel is wrapped around Jaehyun’s waist as he ruffles his dampened hair. He has talked endlessly about his day (as he should) and the excitement he holds for the upcoming film. You, hair wrapped in a towel, rub on a face mask to cleanse your skin as you wearily stare at your reflection in the mirror. You try so hard to listen to every word your boyfriend says, but you can’t shake any thought of Jung Hoseok from your mind.

 Vivid flashes of the way Hoseok pinned you to that wall stirs an unwanted wave of desire through your frame and a reoccurring pain that seems to never find closure. If only he slid his teeth along your bottom lip while slipping his hands into your pants while you whimper his name… If only the emotions from the years of longing for his return continued in breathless kisses and gasping in response to the way his lips would trail your neck… Maybe you could ignore the myriad of questions that have plagued you profusely for all these damned years of wishing, and pleading, and fighting to understand why you can’t just let. Him. Go. It’s like, in a way, a spell has been cast on you whether it’s Hoseok himself or something that is preventing, almost trying to keep the two of you from being together in the end. But, why?

 Maybe the truth is right in front of you. Maybe you don’t want to let Hoseok go.

 Maybe you really just can’t.

 Jaehyun eventually moves to wrap his strong arms around you from behind while he places feather-like kisses along your neck. “So, I hope you’re enjoying your time here.”

 “I am.” You reply softly. His fingers then slide gently into your sweatpants where he finds your clit, rubbing nice and slow while he continues to place tepid kisses. You wish you were becoming aroused, but you can hardly concentrate on the way his lips press to your skin and his fingers slipping into you pumping gently while you squeeze your eyes shut. There are no goosebumps, no moaning, no excitement- just pure sadness.

 Because you know deep down what the truth is, but you do not want to admit it. You know what’s missing in the relationship. Jaehyun is not Hoseok and he never will be. It’s the saddest simplicity of an answer. He is not Jung Hoseok.

 “Hey…” Jaehyun’s voice is soft, cautiously releasing his fingers from inside you, he then spins you around. Despite, the face mask covering your cheeks and forehead, Jaehyun looks at you lovingly while he reads your eyes. “What’s wrong?”

 Hesitant, you reply anyway. “Nothing.”

 Jaehyun flashes a pointed look because he does not believe you whatsoever. “Are you jet lagged still? …Did I do something?”

 “No! …No, I’m sorry. I promise I’m not trying to be gloomy. You haven’t done anything wrong.”

 “Are you sure? Because you have seemed off since you’ve been here. Is it because you haven’t gotten to see Monnie much?”

 “I mean yes, I do wish I could see her more, but we have plenty of time. Work allowed me a week off, so I’m not too worried about that.”

 “Then what is it?”

 Guilt pools in your eyes as you visibly see his concern, but what are you supposed to tell him? Okay, maybe the question doesn’t involve what, but how? “I… don’t know.”

 You let him kiss you then even though the cream of the face mask gets all over his skin, too but it somehow makes you giggle. You wish you knew how to tell him, but it is way too soon. What happened earlier with Hoseok was probably going to be a onetime thing. You keep replaying the whole scene with Hoseok wishing there could have been a different outcome, but you can’t change the past. And you don’t want to hurt Jaehyun who has been nothing but good to you.

 Once you finish freshening up, you try having sex with Jaehyun to rid of the pain inside your chest, but the remorse is so smothering you hardly can enjoy it. It’s not his fault at all so you give it what you got. Except this time, when you close your eyes, all you can see is Hoseok’s face and it takes everything in you not to burst into tears.

 -

 It's not until the day before your flight that you finally meet with Monnie. Her management rented out a space in one of the fanciest restaurants to ensure privacy from the spotlight so the pair of you could catch up. She embraced you tightly while the scent of peonies greeted your nose. It’s amazing how much the two of you had to catch up on and the endless conversation is exactly what you needed. Sometimes a friendly face helps lighten the load for a little while.

 As a surprise, you facetimed LenLen so Monnie could say hello which erupts into bouts of happy squeals from LenLen. Being with Monnie made you forget how famous she actually is, and you are so thankful that she always maintained her humility amongst the fame.

 Neither of you mention Jimin or Hoseok even though you wonder if the question crossed her mind at any point. You also wonder if she kept contact with Hoseok or if Jimin did since all four of you happened to be in the same place in a different location way far away from the high school all of you attended together. It’s surreal, but maybe not bringing the subject up was a good thing.

 Anxiously, you stop by Jaehyun’s work to bring him lunch and to go over the time your flight departs tomorrow. Jaehyun, who proclaims he has a surprise for you, says he ordered a limousine to pick you up for your ride to the airport. Speechless, you have never ridden in a limo before, and you cannot believe how thoughtful Jaehyun has been all week which fuels the devastation when you notice Hoseok standing adjacent from you. He’s gripping another coffee cup while he speaks with one of the producers.

 Did he just hear every word you said? Did he hear that you are leaving to go back home tomorrow?

 “I already told Stan where to pick you up.” Jaehyun attempts to say but he notices your obvious distraction which has pretty much lasted the entire week you have been here.

 “Wh-who? Whose Stan?”

 “I just told you, silly, the limo… driver.” Jaehyun follows your wavering gaze to see the red headed actor glimpsing at you for the hundredth time. Is this why you have been acting so strange? Do you know this guy? Jaehyun starts to question if you really were with Monnie when you said you were. Or the other times before when you claimed you needed a breather.

 An uneasy feeling starts to bud in Jaehyun’s chest. “Um…” He leans forward to get close to your ear. “Can we talk?” Jaehyun lowkey has noticed the tension ever since the first day he brought you here whenever that actor was around, but thought he was going crazy. Jaehyun is typically not the jealous type, but something seems off. Everywhere you were, it seemed this actor followed.

 Disrupting your entrancement, you swallow the lump in your throat as your heartbeat spikes. Jaehyun just walks swiftly around a corner and unbeknownst to you, Hoseok has excused himself from the producer to hide away enough to make sure you’re okay. He feels awful to intrude, but he can’t help the strong emotions building within his heart and the indisputable closure he wishes you would give him. Because he never was able to get over you either.

 Jaehyun is restless as he tries to gather whatever words he can. “Look, if I sound crazy, I don’t care. Something isn’t right. And if I had to guess, it has to do with that actor you keep looking at. So, what is it? Do you know him?”

 Your hands glue to your hips while you uneasily try to keep yourself standing from the uncomfortable blow to the chest. Shit. You want to scream. Jaehyun caught you and now you don’t even know where to start. “I’m sorry.” You whisper which you are surprised sounds audible, but that’s all you can muster.

 “Okay, so something did happen then?”

 “No! Jaehyun… No, it’s not what you think.” You try to breathe but feel like you can’t from how much your chest tightens.

 “Okay well what am I supposed to think? Were you really with Monnie earlier?”

 “Yes! Of course, I was!”

 “So why are you so distant? If I did something wrong, then I need to know so I can fix it. I also can’t read your mind. Communication is what I need here, y/n.”

 “I know this, Jae… I-”

 “Okay, then explain. I’m doing all I can to prove to you that I love you. I just need some kind of answer. I’m starting to get really worried, and you know I’m not like this.”

 Tears brim because you know deep down, he has done everything for you. You are in the wrong for this and you know it. You do love Jaehyun. You really do, but the love for him will never be as strong as the love you had for Hoseok. The love you know you will always have for Hoseok. The silence hurts. The emptiness and sorrow you feel for Jaehyun… Hurts so deeply.

 “Jae…” The tears stream to drip from your cheeks. “I want you to know that I do love you and I am forever grateful for all that you have done for me… I just, um…” You press your lips together to prevent your chin from quivering. You can’t even look your boyfriend in the eyes. You don’t even know how to answer him. How can you? If you were to tell him everything from the beginning to now, not only would it crush him, but would he truly understand where you are coming from?

 “You’re not going to tell me are you.” It’s not a question. He says it sternly.

 “I… I can’t.” You stifle a sob. “Jae, I’m so sorry. I just can’t right now.”

 Angrily, and rightfully so, he glowers at you while his jaw clenches because after a year together, he does not understand how fast everything can change in the span of a week. And after a year, how can you not trust to tell him what is going on? He deserves to know, and you wish you could find the will to just tell him the whole story without holding back.

 He is rigidly holding back tears because he is just as hurt, but he can’t bear the thought of you stepping out on him which is what he is starting to believe. Is he wrong to think that? He knows anger causes irrational thinking but right now, he wants space to clear his head. Even if it means being away from you.

 “The hotel is yours tonight.”

 “Jae-” You rush to step forward, but he holds a palm up to pause everything.

 “The hotel is yours tonight. Stan will pick you up for your flight tomorrow… We’re done.” He shoves past you as you spin in panic to watch him leave, but you do not chase him. This is not how you wanted it to go. Not on bad terms, but you feel so devastated yet so relieved that Jaehyun made this decision, yet you feel so helpless simultaneously.

 The tears continue as you scramble to order someone to pick you up and if you regret one thing, it’s not telling Jaehyun about your first love the first day you met him like you should have.

 -

 The guilt is eating you alive.

 Your eyes are dry and puffy from the crying the night before, so to force some way to lift your spirits, you put on a faint amount of makeup and throw on a floral summer dress. What better way to cope with the heart ache by pretending there is no heart ache? You suck at that. It’s visible all over your frame that is weak and exhausted; your mind has done nothing but run vigorously on high speed since landing a week ago and you are not sure how you are functioning properly.

 Once you have everything packed and prepared, you triple check the hotel room to ensure you haven’t left anything. The room felt desolate last night without Jaehyun being beside you, but in a way, you appreciated being alone. Maybe it’s for the best that you never try to love anybody else because as long as Jung Hoseok exists in your heart, there is no such thing as anybody else. How can someone have your heart this long and they were never really yours?

 Rolling your suitcase behind you, the walk to the outside is brighter than you anticipate. The sun gleams high in the sky while people bustle from left to right to exit or enter the hotel building. It doesn’t take long for you to spot the limo slowly pulling up to the curb. An older man with gentle eyes greets you, introducing himself as Stan.

 “Now I finally have a face to a name.” You smile sweetly as he takes your luggage to settle into the trunk. “Thank you.” You murmur. The moment you open the limo door, you duck to begin taking a seat, but something stops you in your tracks.

 It’s the scene of glimmering shoes that tilts your head in confusion as you scan from the shoes all the way up the slim legs, to the loose-fitting shirt on a familiar frame to then locking eyes with the one person you never expected to see yet again.

 “Hoseok?” You croak with widened eyes. Did you say his name out loud? You have no idea. All you know is your heart is ear piercingly screaming and your fingertips have gone numb. His red hair is gelled back so you can easily see the enchanting curve of his jawline and the quirk of his lips smirking gently. You are in trouble. And you don’t care anymore. But your conscious tries to tell you the opposite.

 “I um… Uh, I have to go-” You panic preparing to back away.

 “Absolutely not.” Hoseok grasps to pull you in, reaching around you to slam the limo door closed once your body plops onto the seat. When Stan hears the signal, he starts to drive away from the curb and your mind is dizzy with anxiety.

 “Hoseok.” You try to say sternly, but his name comes out in a whimper. You are trying with all your strength not to pass out.

 “Y/N.” He speaks. His eyebrow cocking. You have remained leaned forward from how he pulled you in and his face is so close, you are doing everything you can to keep your heat from clenching simultaneously with the reaction of your body wanting to tremble.

 “What the hell are you doing!? How the hell did you even know I would be here!?”

 He shrugs. “A friend.”

 “What friend-”

 “Monnie. She’s known Stan for a while. So has Jin and bandana guy.”

 “Well, Stan is about to be fired!” You try emphasizing the word loudly to kid with Stan even though you are lowkey dead serious. You should be grieving Jaehyun, not letting the desire to tangle with Hoseok be floating subconsciously in the back of a damn limousine. “If Jaehyun finds out that you jacked the limo driver, he’ll be pissed. And who the hell is bandana guy!?”

 “I’ll answer your question once you answer mine.”

“Hoseok, I’m not playing fucking games with you.”

 “Neither am I.”

 Eyeing him in exasperation, you shake your head to hopefully rid of the evident confusion. “You know what- we can’t do this. We can’t be alone.”

 “And why not?”

 “Because-” Because you just went through a breakup, damnit! Not that you are aware that he knows. But you are trying so hard not to cave into the longing to be with Hoseok the way his eyes intensely look into yours.

 After all this time, holding it in all these long, long years:

 you explode.

 “Because you are just so fucking ruthless, you know that!? I have fucking had you in my head since I was a child and there is no escape from you! No escape! Do you know how much it killed me to see you leave seven years ago? Do you know how fucking insane seeing you again is all these stupid ass years later? I have been losing my shit nonstop and for what!? Because you just think it’s so damn cute to occupy every fucking brain cell I have and tear me to shreds! Like, do you even fucking know the hell I’ve been through!? Seeing you with-”

 Hoseok kisses you suddenly stopping your words. This kiss is so desperate and rough yet, it’s so much softer than you would think since you were losing your absolute shit a minute ago, but his lips are as warm as you remember, and your body loosens as his hands cup your cheeks. Gasping into his kiss, the world spins so magically that you forget that you are heading to catch a flight home. You don’t want to stop. The way his mouth moves so good with yours. How are you going to pull away?

 So, you don’t.

 His fingertips slip to the back of your neck to deepen the kiss while the love you buried revives into the atmosphere.

 Because you are so in love with him, and you never once stopped.

 Hoseok’s other hand pats along the door refusing to break the kiss and your ears catch the sound of the partition lifting to separate the pair of you from the driver. Something about that whole gesture sends a gush from your heat, wetting your thong that you inwardly hope Hoseok will see. It’s like you are in a dream. If ‘high school you’ knew that seven years from then that you would be making out with Jung Hoseok in a limousine, you would have never believed it. Instead of bottling everything up anymore, you are just going to let go. In this moment, you are with the one person you have always wanted: Jung Hoseok. So why fucking fight it? You are done fighting it.

 You have made up your mind. You want to give him your all and you want to give it now. Conversation can be saved for later.

 “Hoseok,” you gasp between his kisses. “Please… whatever you do. Don’t… Stop.”

 It doesn’t take much until his hands move to grip your waist, positioning you in a straddle. Immediately, moaning loudly against his lips that have eagerly grown hungrier as you cling to him desperately. Humming into his kiss, the relief flooding your limbs eases the tension you have fought this entire week, and your hands slide to grasp the gelled strands of his hair in deprivation. His tongue dances with yours while he fumbles with where to place his hands next.

 You moan when you feel his erection beneath your heat though clothes remain on; with the dress, you're wearing, the fabric is spread enough, you're able to feel the material of his slacks along your inner thighs. You unintentionally grind your hips, him doing the same, lips nearly bruised from sultry kisses he refuses to stop.

 His palm slaps your ass to then squeezing so hard, you nearly melt into his frame, your teeth sliding along his bottom lip before sneaking the tip of your tongue along it to then snatching his lips once more.

Your fingers trace his jawline, a part of him that nearly makes you faint. Breaking the kiss, his breathing is heavy while your lips linger to trail his jaw, lightly sucking with each contact until you reach his ear. A soft laugh resonates into his eardrum, him groaning with immense desire in response. You can't help yourself especially with the fire dribbling from your heat. Your inner kinks start to arise.

"I don't know if you've ever been given a blowjob in a limo baby, but I’m not going to let you forget it.” You say it so erotically, Hoseok is losing his mind. You're wild when it comes to sex, yet you’ve only ever had one sexual partner. With the way Hoseok's hazy, brown eyes watch your every move, you don't mind giving him the ride of his life. You are going to show him exactly what he has missed.

Squeezing his shoulders once, you move backward off his lap carefully despite the moving vehicle. You kneel on the floor, your antsy fingers unbuckle his belt, the jingle of the metal sending jolts of excitement throughout his limbs. The anticipation is nearly smothering, especially when you unbutton his pants to show his underwear, spreading the fabric to free his erection. The sight causes you to bite your lower lip instinctively.

"Oh baby." You nearly drool. His hands curl around your wrists before you lean in to cover his area with your mouth encasing every bit of his girth. He leans back in immense pleasure while you perform a long, intense suck before dipping your head up and down seductively. Hearing him moan fuels you to continue. Running your tongue over his tip, you let the taste of his precum lead you to yearn for more, pleasuring him so much he could release right then and there. You unlatch your wrist from one of his tightening hands, bringing it to his scrotum that is peeking through the opening of his underwear, massaging softly whilst sucking, his feet pressing harder at the floorboard from the paradise he's been wanting with you and only you.

When you see how much of an effect it has on Hoseok, you continue your bliss, sucking and sucking until his hands grasp the sides of your ribcage causing you to gasp in surprise. Without a second to blink, your back is crashed against the seat cushion with Hoseok hovering above you, strands of his hair glistening over his eyes, his chest heaving as his hands rest on either side of you. Your eyes are wide from the sudden action, but when he lowers to place his lips near your ear, a tingling sensation waves across your figure.

"I don't know if you've ever been fucked in a limo.” He growls. “But I'm gonna make sure you, my dear, will never forget it."

Oh. Fuck. His fingertips feel for your underwear that he slides down to your ankles. He doesn’t even take a second to admire what type of underwear it is before he comes back to kiss you.

You are so aroused that your vaginal walls are sopping wet before Hoseok slams his erection into you. He drums so hard that you can't help the screams of pleasure that are gratefully unheard from the vibration of the speakers reverberating within the small space. This is when you realize music must have started playing to drown out the sounds Stan most likely does not want to hear.

Your hands clasp roughly to Hoseok’s sides which regains your focus. He pounds so rhythmically with the bass of whatever song is playing, your g-spot is being stroked with each thrust. The growing climax sends your eyes rolling back. Hoseok slows for a moment though and aligns his body with yours still keeping himself inside you. You watch him while your chest heaves.

He lifts a finger to trace along your cheek until he caresses your bottom lip with his thumb. You are uncertain why he has stopped, but you are thankful neither of you have cummed too soon because you are not ready for this to end. Even though it has to… Oh, shut the fuck up brain.

“You’re not going to the airport today.” His eyes shift from a lust to a softness that reminds you of when he first became your friend. You want to sit up in surprise, but you don’t because you like Hoseok’s body being on top of you and his erection keeping its rightful place inside you.

“What do you mean? I’m supposed to leave today.”

“I… Have made other arrangements.”

“Did you cancel the flight!? How!?”

“Well, no… But I can reimburse you for the inconvenience of missing your flight.”

“Are you…” In honesty, you are not upset at all. Your heart is flying so high with relief, you could cry. A smirk graces your tingling lips. “Are you kidnapping me, Jung Hoseok?”

“Only if you let me,” he winks, pressing a slow kiss to your bruised lips. “Otherwise, the airport I will take you but only if you say so.”

“What about my job? I have to go back at some point.”

Sadness etches in the corner of his eyes while he exhales slowly. “How about we worry about that tomorrow? … I don’t want to lose you. Not again.”

You don’t either.

Your hand reaches to tangle in his hair while you pull him to kiss you. He starts thrusting again, but this time nice and slow while your tongue swirls with his. The two of you are so lost in intimacy that neither of you notices the pause of the limo and the dimming of the music. It's Hoseok who jolts away immediately, stuffing his being back into his pants, scrabbling to buckle his belt before it dawns on you that the limo is no longer moving. Swiftly, you fix your dress, running your hands through your hair in panic, also hoping your makeup isn't smeared all over.

Your throbbing heat is relentless, and you squeeze your thighs to try and relieve some of the sensitivity, but it's no use. Once Stan opens the door, you and Hoseok smile at him trying to hide the fact the two of you were literally having intercourse directly behind his back.

Stan squints his eyes in suspicion when he notices how embarrassed the two of you chuckle when leaving the limo, but he brushes it off, him tipping his hat for a farewell. You grasp Hoseok's hand while your other hand clings to your luggage. You do not know where you are, but you are assuming it’s where Hoseok lives.

“My roomates are still shooting scenes for the movie we’re in, so we have this whole place to ourselves for the time being.” Hoseok beams. Your feet move faster than they ever have as he follows suit to the front door. He chuckles at how cute your eagerness is because he is just as giddy, too. Being with you just comes so naturally even after all this time. The moment you reach the door, you spin around, dragging his mouth to yours.

Your back hits against the front door nearly bringing you to your knees while he follows your lead. You throw your arms around his neck as his hands press into your waist; the two of you rebuild the itching desire that had been interrupted. The pure addiction of Hoseok's lips on yours is everything you could have dreamed of, so you hate that you have to break the kiss just for him to unlock the door. Snatching his hand once more, you kick off your heels, him slipping out of his shoes while your luggage tips over somewhere near the door.

You follow him up the stairs until both of you are safe in his bedroom. He locks the door behind him once he turns on the lights, and that's when he tackles you lovingly once again, kissing your mouth roughly. Your hands pull off his shirt and in return, he unzips the back of your dress.

When your lacy undergarments taunt his enlarging eyes, you step away from your dress, giving him a seductive smile. Now he notices your thong. Sliding your fingers slowly to your entrance, you coat your digits with the wetness he's caused you, stepping forward to carefully smear it on his lips. His eyes close while his staggered breaths relish in your scent, urging to taste you, he clamps his warm mouth around your fingers, his teeth grazing your skin while he sucks.

"I want you, Hoseok." You whisper. "I want you to never stop wanting me."

That's all it takes before he squats to wrap his arms underneath your ass, lifting you effortlessly in the air prompting a fit of giggles. He sprints to his bed and crashes you onto it. Once the bounce of your bodies settles, his hands desperately tear your thong from your frame as well as your lace bra, his mouth leaving tenderly placed kisses along your ribcage before your trembling hands move to rid of his pants. Unbuckling his belt, Hoseok helps you free himself from his pants and underwear- every article of clothing between the both of you finally plopped on the ground.

Unexpectantly, he rolls you above him, pressing your bare chest against him, his teeth nipping your ear lobe before his breath haunts your ear in the sexiest, deep voice you've ever heard. "If I'm going to taste you properly, I want it all over my face."

Oh. Shit.

Hoseok clings onto your hips once you get into position. You move with him until your folds are above his starving mouth. Now with his heated palms smoothed along your ass, you lower yourself just enough until you hear the sudden sound of his lips caressing along your heat bringing a moan to escape your throat. "Ohhh, baby." You breathe. His tongue circles your heat slowly before he roughly flicks it against you, delighting in your taste while your head thrusts back in ecstasy.

You've never had sex so good- especially with the way his tongue licks so effortlessly underneath your clenching vaginal walls. Your thighs quiver from how strong your climax is building. His lips cover your clit, sucking before returning his tongue to lick rapidly among your slit.

"Ohhh, Hoseook." You can hardly concentrate, him continuing his mission until you slide back, forcing him to raise, his bangs now clinging to his perspired forehead. His lips part just to land to kiss your chin where the scent from your folds is fresh on his lips.

He’s starving for you, and you learn right then that he wasn’t done. His hand finds your chest where he pushes you down until your back bounces on the mattress. His fingers find your nipples first where the ticklish feel from the rising buds causes the fire below to heighten. Whimpering in response to the pleasure, his mouth latches onto your nipple while his tongue dances along it.

You beg for him as he pleasures you. The intensity of how turned on you are is so heavenly, you could do this forever. He then kisses along your body until he stops at where he originally feasted and you can see the lust in his eyes before he dives in, lapping up every bit of you while he slides gentle fingertips to then vibrate along your clit. “Oh Hoseok! Oh baby- ah!” You moan feeling how strong your sense pleads to orgasm while your eyes roll back in ecstasy. His tongue is relentless while he licks along your heat.

When you think he’s done, he repositions to where you are sitting on his face again while his large hands cup your ass.

"Now." He says, his lips tickling your skin when you both find yourselves hazy and twisted together. "Where were we before we were interrupted?"

"I think I remember." You whisper musingly, him rolling you to crash under him- his penis finds your entrance before you can catch a breath, and that's when he starts. Pumping into your walls that are warm and drenched, your screams of delight ring throughout his room, letting Hoseok enthrall every single one of your senses until your legs nearly give out. You moan his name. You moan profanities. You moan it fucking all. "Harder!" Your voice breaks. "Harder! Oh!"

Your climax hits you suddenly and strongly prompting you to squirt slightly which turns Hoseok on even more than he already is. Your legs jolt beneath him while he spills inside you. You’re still screaming in pleasure from the high when he falls next to you, him leaking down your mid-thighs while you squeeze them for friction. Both of you hyperventilating, the sensitivity still presents between your legs while you two try to recover.

"Holy shit." You breathe. "Where the hell have you been again? Holy fuck."

A deep chuckle sounds from Hoseok’s pearly smile, his eyes gleaming from the happiness he feels with you finally by his side. When his long fingers intertwine with yours, you furrow your eyebrows, shifting to rest on your side so that way you can see all of him easier.

Preparing to speak, his free hand reaches to tuck a strand of your fallen hair behind your ear rendering you speechless. Though you've kept your feelings private for so long, he's always made your heart palpitate; but, with everything that has happened, where do either of you start?

You lean your cheek into his palm where he rests it, him moving to sit up just enough to brush his lips to yours before pressing kisses on every inch of your face, his sudden passion surprising you, especially when he turns you to lay you back down just so he can lounge in your beauty from above.

“I like you naked.” He teases causing you to playfully scoff when you shove him. His chuckling smile kisses your smile while you enjoy the feel of his warm skin and the high of his presence. “I’ve missed you…” He whispers when the moment becomes serious which hitches your breathing.

Missing Hoseok is an understatement. You’ve wished to see him again but never thought it would actually happen. You know you shouldn’t ask this, but it has tormented you since he left that you can’t help it. Hearing those words from him should have made your heart swell, but then the picture that changed everything years ago seems to be in the forefront of your mind now. “Then… why did you choose her?”

Hoseok’s eyebrows scrunch as his lips pucker. The confusion is so apparent that you start to feel the budding sense of humiliation. He met a girl at Konkuk, right? The picture showed it all… Right?

“I mean I dated here and there later on in college, but I had to get over losing you.”

You shift to sit up as Hoseok’s body rolls off you. What does he mean?

“But you wouldn’t have lost me if you hadn’t chosen to be with her. I mean, c’mon, Hoseok you hardly talked to me once you left. I spent countless nights wondering what I had done wrong! I knew you’d be busy, but I never thought, nor did I want to believe it’s because you found someone else.”

Hoseok tries so hard to understand what you are talking about as he reads your panicked gaze. But… you blocked him? Why would you block him unless you moved on too? He is uncertain of the girl you are talking about, but he listens as best as he can while he racks his brain of what happened seven years ago.

“Y/N…” He says calmly. “Can you please tell me what you are talking about?”

“You know exactly what I’m talking about, Hoseok! The picture! You had your arm wrapped around another girl! What else was I supposed to think? Do you know how destroyed I was?”

Hoseok flits his sight to the comforter while the pair of you start to distance from your sweaty frames. The smell of sex is starting to fade, and you bundle the comforter over your chest while Hoseok’s lower-half slips under the covers. When realization enlarges his eyes, his heart drops to his stomach. Now, he knows what you’re talking about.

“Wait… Yoongi’s girlfriend?”

“Yoongi? I thought-”

Hoseok’s eyes search yours as if he is trying to get you to telepathically see his memories. “Me and Jin were at the hospital for a few days because Yoongi was in the hospital from- from the accident.” He wets his lips. “Sun Hee was just a friend of mine, and she was stressed from it all, so I was just trying to be there for her. We weren’t dating! I’m pretty sure we’re even related somehow.”

“Wait- wait a minute, what?” The heat hovering over your chest is intensely overwhelming when you realize the huge mistake you have made. “You mean-?”

“When I came home, I tried to get a hold of you so I could tell you everything, but I was blocked! Even years later, I tried checking social media every now and then so I could find you again, but it was like you disappeared!” Hoseok is pouring his heart out to you meanwhile tears of utter humiliation form and begin to drip in so much regret, you can’t believe the fog in your head is allowing you to compute his every word. “Why didn’t you talk to me first? Why didn’t you let me know you were hurt?” Hoseok’s voice is pained as he continues. “I could have explained everything! I even showed up at your place a few months after, but you weren’t home.” He doesn’t mention your dad since none of this involves either of your parents especially when he sees your reaction.

“You… came back?”

“Of course, I did! I was in love with you, y/n! I even planned to tell you about Konkuk’s mix up! They sent you the wrong letter. You were accepted. I had it all ready and planned out to surprise you! There was never anybody else, it was always you!”

The world stops. Everything just stops. The words you have longed and hoped and wished and prayed have just been said to you by Jung Hoseok. The man you have loved to no end. You can’t move. You don’t budge. This embarrassment is so deep and severe, you just want to run.

That’s why Hoseok asked you why.

“Y/N? Y/N?” Hoseok reaches to hold you.

“I was accepted into Konkuk? You- you got it fixed for me? You-”

Your head is spinning, nothing makes sense anymore. All this time, you were robbed of being with Hoseok because of you. Not him, not fate, not destiny, not your parents, not the girl, not Konkuk University:

you.

Dropping the covers, you race to gather your things. You don’t even know if your flight has left yet. You don’t even know the time, but you must go home before you ruin everything again.

“Y/N? Please. Please hold on-”

You blur out his voice while you fumble to grab your things. Hoseok tries to stop you, his eyes pleading- begging. You don’t know how you remembered Stan’s phone number that Jaehyun happened to text you after the argument, but you manage to shoot Stan a text despite the chaos. All you hope is he is right down the road.

Somehow you find a way down the stairs while tears pour non-stop. How will you ever forgive yourself for the mess you made? Grabbing your suitcase, you struggle to put on your shoes while Hoseok tries to slip on his. When Stan arrives, you jump into the backseat where you and the man of your dreams made love paining you as you sob. He’s frantically begging you not to leave but you can’t bring yourself to now that you finally know the truth. You don’t even give Stan time to help you. Rather, you fling your suitcase into the back seat and slam the door before Hoseok reaches you.

“Y/N! Please don’t go! Please! We can figure this out!”

It’s all crashing down so hard as you hear Hoseok’s voice. You beg Stan to hurry, and as the limo turns to head to the airport, you see the man you love more than anything falling to his knees in mirroring agony.

{24}

It’s him.

 It has always been him.

 Your hands grip the steering wheel until your knuckles are white as your eyes stay focused on the road ahead. You barely made your flight that day, and with hushed tears, the whole flight was nothing but heavy misery.

 When you made it home, you were too tired to pack anything, so you stayed bundled in you and Jaehyun’s bed with no will to want to do anything other than cry. It took another week for Jaehyun to return home and that’s when he convinced you to give the relationship another try. You thought staying was what you deserved because after what you did to Hoseok, you don’t deserve him anymore. And you still loved Jaehyun even if it wasn’t completely to the fullest as it should have been.

 It was when the movie Hoseok and his friends were in blew up all around the world that you started seeing his face everywhere. Every picture, every magazine, every interview on television. Jaehyun, naturally, questioned about everything that happened between you and ‘that actor’ as he refers to Hoseok, so you summarized as vaguely as you could which still wasn’t enough for Jaehyun. Of course, you suppress the guilt as much as you can since that is all you have seemed to feel anymore.

 “There is someone from my past that means the absolute world to me and always will.” Hoseok’s words from the interview that prompted Jaehyun to leave echoes silently in the car. “This person encouraged me and believed in me even when I didn’t know it. They said to not be afraid anymore. So, I took that advice and I’m thankful I did. Now, I’ve gained brotherhood and my dreams have come true.” The remote almost slipped from your hand while you stared in shock. You knew Jaehyun needed to know the truth because Hoseok was your truth.

 The fight and the breakup are still fresh, but now that it’s dark, you wipe your fingers along your face to rid of the new tears.

 Hoseok is known by the whole world now. Globally. He really did accomplish the dreams that you knew he could and would reach. He is going to make history for the rest of his life, and you will cheer him on no matter what distance. No matter what time. You will always cheer him on. Because he deserves it all.

 The bleachers of the soccer field. That is where you wanted to escape to.

 Stepping down the metal seats, you find the infamous spot where you would secretly watch Hoseok all those years ago as well as the times the friendship bloomed, and he would come see you every day before your dad picked you up.

 You smile through the tears as you descend into the spot. The tall lights glisten with the stars as you sit back enough to feel the breeze and you can smell the mist of the humidity from the earlier evening rain. You don’t know how much time passes, nor do you care. You just want to be here where Hoseok used to be so you can relive all the memories and create memories you wish you could have shared with him during the years you took away.

Unexpectedly, you hear the familiar pounce of footsteps making their way down the bleachers perking your ear drums to tune into the sound. You are not sure who it could be at this time of night and you also aren’t sure if you should be afraid. You stiffen immediately once the steps stop. Silence.

“…Y/N?”

Standing in response ever so excruciatingly slow. You cannot believe the voice you are hearing. No way.

His voice is soft as flower petals when he says your name, and the tears brim as you turn to face him with unshed happiness blossoming along your heart because Jung Hoseok in the flesh is standing there with hope mingled with stunned nervousness evident in his expression. “I didn’t know you’d be here.”

Swiping a tear, you hardly can believe it yourself, but now you understand why you felt the urge to come here. It’s because you were meant to because the stars were aligning for him to be here too. Where it all started. “I didn’t know you’d be here either.”

“I come here when I-”

“Need an escape.”

“And, to think about you.”

Your chin quivers as you keep his eyes connected with yours. It’s been a year since you have seen him, yet it still seems so fresh as if it all happened just yesterday. “I’m so sorry.” You whisper, trying to stifle a sob. “It was all my fault why we missed out on so many years we could have been together. It’s honestly even been years since I have been here. But something… something fueled me to come here, and here I am.”

“Well…” Hoseok clears his throat while he slips his cold fingers into his pockets. “I have a new rule for you.”

Looking at him, you wait for his response while you wipe at another tear that escapes.

“Please don’t say you’re sorry anymore. You have nothing to be sorry about.”

“But I do.” You sniff to clear your airways. “I should have spoken to you the second I saw that damned picture, but I… I was so hurt and panicked that I let my selfishness take over when you needed me the most…

If I would have just waited for your call. Things would have been different. I should have asked about your friend, too. He was hurt and even though, I didn’t know him personally, I should have asked about him. Asked about you and how you were doing. If Jin was okay. There- there should have been consideration, but I let me get in the way of… Me. And I’m so sorry… Even for a year ago, the humiliation devastated me that I didn’t know how to face you. I think… I think I needed time to forgive myself for taking away time I could have spent being with you.” You stare down at your hands that are quivering from the anxiety.

“We still have time.” Hoseok murmurs. After a few seconds of silence, he speaks. “Now, come here.”

Flitting your gaze in surprise, it’s as if the tradition never ended, but this time, there will not be a single goodbye after this embrace. Immediately, you sprint to crash into his arms, bundling into his frame while the sobs are relentless. “It’s you, Hobi. It’s always been you. I’m so proud of you and all you have accomplished. I will never stop cheering you on or supporting you. You are everything to me.” He squeezes you so tight and fights to prevent his own tears from spilling onto your hair that tucks beneath his chin. He isn’t going to let you go. He holds you while you let it all out, crying all the guilt and the regret into his clothes while he comforts you the way he always will.

Into the evening, the pair of you find yourselves sitting on the bleachers staring at the stars where fingers are interlaced. This time you found the courage to grab his hand, sitting so close that shoulders are touching while the moon glistens above. Early memories begin to bud.

“Remember in elementary school when you took the blame for me smacking Kevin?”

A sly smile fills Hoseok’s face. “Do I! That was the best day of my life!”

You look at him incredulously. “You went to the principal’s office!”

“I know, but you smacked Kevin before I could, so I wanted to take some credit.”

“Oh God, then why were you his friend later on?”

Hoseok’s lips press in a firm line. “He didn’t have the best life growing up… Found him in tears one day so I gave him a chance. Then we lost touch.” He shrugs.

“Well, I hope he’s okay.”

“Me too.”

Silence lingers for a moment before you continue, “I guess my point of bringing up that whole situation is because that was the day, I started having feelings for you.” The serenity that collects in his gaze while he locks eyes with you breathes life into your heart just as strongly as his presence has the entirety of the night. “I don’t want to lose you anymore, Hoseok.” You whisper. “I’m done losing you.”

Hoseok’s eyes reflect serene emotion and after a few minutes of him moving forward to press a slow, sweet kiss to your forehead, you then notice his free hand moves to retrieve a square box from his jacket pocket. Pulling away slightly, you stare at the box then to Hoseok, then the box and then back to Hoseok. Speechless.

“I bring this with me every single time I visit here, but I didn’t realize the exact moment I needed would present itself.” He shifts to face you more while you stare in stunned silence. “This is a gift I’ve been wanting to give you for years… I got it back when I started college. The second I saw it, I saved up all I could so I could surprise you.” He then hands it to you. “Open it.”

Tears are in your eyes as you bring shaky fingers to your lips. You reach for the gift and lift the lid cautiously to see the most beautiful shimmering necklace you have ever seen. The diamonds smile back at you while the symbol of a page from a script beams in the moonlight. “I know it’s not exactly how we met, but it is definitely what brought us together.”

“Hoseok!” You cry, as he reaches for the necklace. You move slightly as he helps you put it on. You can’t take your eyes off the symbol. How did he even find something so perfect and so beautiful? “Hoseok, I- I love it so much! I don’t- I don’t even- I haven’t-”

His hands find your cheeks to force you to look into his eyes which ceases your panic.

“You are enough.” He means every word and you feel his heart connecting with yours beyond what you can fathom. “Also,” he smiles excitingly. “The offer still stands at Konkuk University if you still want to attend. There’s plenty slots open.”

“Oh, Hoseok!” You burst with elation. Immediately, he leans into you, pressing his lips to yours igniting the magic that comes alive because the pair of you have finally found each other and refuse to let it diminish. Not anymore.

“I love you.” You gasp between kisses. “I never stopped loving you.” You cling to him while he deepens the kisses, pulling you even closer.

“I love you, more...” He whispers. “And I will never stop.”

[jadequeen88]

Smart Girls Make Fast Learners

NSFW 18+ ONLY. MINORS WILL BE BLOCKED!

My contribution to the BNHarem’s monthly collab. The theme was SEx work. ⛓This piece is a first real deep dive into darker themes and was actually really, really exciting to write. 🖤 A massive thanks to my dear friend @libiraki​ for beta reading this.

TW: yandere behavior, toxic relationship, degradation, non-con, dub-con, degradation/praise kinks, mind break, oral (M and F receiving), over stim, loss of virginity, mentions of physical violence.

DISCLAIMER: I do not condone this type of relationship. This is a work of fiction and if this happens IRL please get out of the relationship!

There is a very specific type of dread that occurs when you discover that the person you built your world around has been lying to you. Tamaki Amajiki was experiencing this brand of betrayal for the first time in his twenty-one years on a rainy Tuesday in October in the dim lighting of your dorm room. His grip tightened around the open laptop as he stared at glimpses of flesh in the thumbnails of the many, many videos posted to the site. Previous live streams with thousands of views. He gulped down the bile in his throat as he scrolled through the videos. His shock and disgust morphed into a pure rage as he counted up the live streams that you’d had since first kissing him. 12. There had been twelve. Three times a week for the past four weeks. 

Those big doe eyes that looked into his eyes as you tentatively licked the tip of his cock for the first time… mere hours later they were rolling in the back of your head as you got off for strangers on the internet. He couldn’t take it. You were his first… everything… he knew that you hadn’t been innocent in your past. The way your tongue expertly wound around his when you first kissed him amongst your plush pillows and goose-down comforter reminded him of the fact. The low violet LED lighting of your bedroom made him feel like the two of you were in your own ethereal world. He could forgive you for not waiting for him as he’d waited for you. 

For the past four years, he kept to the shadows. He was there when the football player from freshman year cheated on you with one of your terrible friends (and when it happened the second, third, fourth time). He was there to binge your favorite shows with you (“*insert current guy you were fucking* just doesn’t get it, he’s not into it. I’m so glad I’ve got you to watch it with!”) He bit back the heartache that would wash over him when you’d pet him and coo over him… you didn’t see him as a man. He wanted to bend you over and prove he could fuck your brains out. He KNOWS he’d be perfect for you. But he never rejected the attention. He smiled and accepted whatever crumbs fell from your table. Whether it be helping you study or letting you complain about your shitty friends or your shitty jock boyfriends or your shitty parents… He gave and gave and gave… until that one day, 35 days ago to be exact, a shift in the tide occurred.

 ⫸⫸⫸⫸⫸⫸⫸⫸⫸⫸⫸⫸⫸⫸⫸⫸⫸⫸⫸⫸⫸⫸⫸⫸⫸⫸⫸⫸⫸⫸⫸

“So why don’t you have a girlfriend, Tama-kun?”

“Wh-wha?”

Tamaki dropped the pencil he’d been using and before he could bend to get it himself, your hand was on his thigh and he was putty in your grasp. You giggled and cooed over him like you always did, but this time you did it while assaulting his mouth and neck with your skilled tongue. This time, for the first time, you made Tamaki feel like a man. Like YOUR man.

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Over the next few weeks, Tamaki had become quite skilled in pleasing a woman. It only took a little guidance to have him sucking at your clit with just the right amount of pressure. He learned on his own how to couple that with his long, delicate fingers twisting and pumping in and out of your slick hole. You’d cling to his silky hair, pulling him closer as a constant stream of praise tumbled from your lips:

“No one has ever made me feel this good.”

“Your fingers are perfect Tama-kun”.

“I love your mouth on me so much, baby.”

The first time you came on his face, Tamaki knew there was a god because he’d found heaven between your thighs.

But that was gone now… ripped away with one mouse click on the night he was going to finally give you his virginity. He had held on to it like it was a treasure. A treasure he’d present to you one day wrapped up in life-long devotion and worship... But Tamaki wasn’t in heaven anymore. He wasn’t going to worship you tonight. For the first time since laying eyes on you, Tamaki wanted to hurt you.

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You turned the shower off and dried yourself. Wiping the condensation from the mirror, you couldn’t help but smile at your reflection. You felt like this was going to be the first time giving your body to someone. Tonight was a redo. You were wiping the slate clean. Your first time would no longer be underneath the football captain in the passenger seat of his truck, left feeling sore and unsatisfied. It was going to be with the guy you should have noticed long ago. It would be soft and slow… passionate and filled with sweet words and caresses… limbs tangled in soft sheets that smell like lavender and vanilla. 

You applied your lotion and moisturized your face. The red lace adorning your body was arranged perfectly, accentuating the soft swell of your hips and chest. With one last glance in the mirror and adjustment of your bra, you opened the door to the cool air of your dorm room…

...And saw Tamaki looking murderous. 

His eyes slowly left the screen to meet your gaze. His tear-stained face had never looked this harsh. His normally sweet eyes were narrowed and red from crying. The sweet lips you’d licked and sucked with such tenderness were hard and cold as they pulled upward in a grimace.

The only thing he said before rising from the bed and setting aside your laptop was your camgirl username. Then he was on you before you could draw a breath to explain.

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Tamaki always thought he liked you best on top of him showering him with kisses and threading your fingers through his hair, but he had to admit… having your arms tied to a bed frame with the silky sash of your bathrobe cutting into your skin was doing things to him. When you sniffled, face stained with tears and snot, his dick twitched in his boxers. The whines you were choking back behind the silky red panties stuffed down your throat sent chills up his spine. You had to learn the hard way not to spit them out after a harsh slap echoed against your skin when you fought back the first time.

Tamaki stood back to survey the mess of skin, spit, and tears for a moment. You were a blank canvas for him to mark up with his rage and lust. You tried to hide away your bare pussy by clenching your thighs together. It only spurred him on.

“Do you have any clue what you’ve done?” he hovered over you, sleek muscles rippling over your own soft body, “I waited, and waited, and WAITED,” he bit down on the side of your exposed neck and you screamed behind the silky gag, trying your best not to expel it from your mouth and receive more punishment.

“I want to give you everything, Y/N,” he licks over the bite, almost apologetically, “I don’t want to hurt you. I didn’t want it to happen like this… FUCK, why?! Why did you ruin this?” his long fingers dug into your cheeks as he forced you to meet his fiery gaze. You couldn’t help whimpering and sniffling back more clear runny snot. You were so humiliated at how disheveled and disgusting you must look. His head ducked into the soft spot between your neck and shoulder and you felt him sob. 

Despite the abuse he’d inflicted upon you in the last ten minutes, you nuzzled your cheek into the top of his head in an attempt to comfort him. And he let you… he hated himself for it and he hated you for making this all so hard for him.

“No… no, no, no,” he rose from the bed to set up your ring-light and laptop, ice running through your veins at the sight. Your mind couldn’t accept what was about to happen.

“I’m... I’m not letting you get away with this,” he shook his head and pulled at his hair as he finished setting everything up, “If you’re insisting on being a slut, you’ll be MY slut. And everyone will know…” he jerked your ankle to force you flat on your back.

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Maybe if he’d let the gag out of your mouth, you’d be able to tell him this was just a job to you. That it was clinical… that he was the only one who had ever been able to get you off, that his face was the only one you’d come on… that you needed the money since your parents had disowned you…

But you only laid there, accepting whatever he was going to dish out. You knew he was hurt. You weren’t stupid. You overlooked him while knowing how he felt about you. It took years of horrible one-night stands and countless frat parties pretending that whatever guy you’d picked that night was interesting for you to come to your senses. You hated yourself for being so blind for so long… You adored Tamaki, truly. And you hated yourself for all the times you’d hurt him… so you swallowed your fear and tried to prepare yourself for whatever came next.

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Any soft parts of Tamaki that you’d grown to love were gone, hardened by heartache and desperation. After angling the laptop to get the perfect shot, he started the live stream countdown. Subscribers started trickling in, commenting on how this was a pleasant surprise since it wasn’t one of your regularly scheduled streams. You shut your eyes to pretend this wasn’t real.

Without fanfare or warning, Tamaki ripped apart your thighs, exposing your bare slit. A raw shrill was pulled from your lungs, your back arching from the sting of an abrupt slap. Neurons fired off in your brain… were you in pain? Was it pleasure?

“Since my girlfriend likes to keep secrets from me, I can’t trust what comes out of her whore mouth,” he emphasized his point by stuffing his fingers past your lips, pushing the soaked silk further into your throat, “So she’s going to keep this gag right here until I can fuck the truth out of her,” he trailed his fingers along your reddened folds. Were you getting wet? Horror and shame blossomed in your chest. The fact that you were growing aroused wasn’t lost on Tamaki. His foreign, sadistic grin was back… aimed directly into your soul.  

“So that’s what you like, huh?” His nails bit into your thighs leaving tiny crescents behind, “I’ve been too nice? Too soft?” He pushed your thighs impossibly wide, the stretch causing you to moan. He hovered over your core, onyx orbs blown wide with a mix of hate and lust. Tamaki looked like the devil himself and you wondered just how fucked up you were for wanting his punishment.

He opened his mouth and lolled out his tongue, never severing the desperate gaze you both shared, his intertwined with hunger, yours with fear. You’d never noticed how long and thick his tongue was and couldn’t help but wonder how it would feel caressing every ridge and crevice of your inner walls. He flattened the warm, wet muscle and pressed it along your slit. As he slowly slid it closer and closer to your burning clit, you whimpered and bucked your hips chasing the pleasure you knew he was capable of giving… but this was not your sweet boy and he wasn’t doing any of this for your pleasure.

He slung his arm over your lower stomach and growled into your drenched lips. You were pinned down, helpless against his torturous tongue. Fresh tears pricked at your eyes as you remembered how he’d let you pet him and buck into his face, how sweetly he’d ease you into a gentle release. Not this time… it was all teeth and sharp sucks, his tongue forcing you open violently. You were being shoved over a cliff and despite the horror and violence of what was happening to you. You were approaching an orgasmic state at record speed. Tamaki caught on and doubled down. The arm that wasn’t pinning you into the mattress pulled your leg down straight, your knee in a death grip. The new angle made the sensations even more intense. His face pressed harder into your core and you noticed that at some point, he’d started weeping, small sobs vibrating against your skin. The overwhelming mix of emotions and the vigor in which he was eating you shoved you over the edge.

He kept going along at the same speed with the same determination through your orgasm until it became painful. You pushed past it as best you could, allowing him to sob into your over-sensitive skin until he had his fill. As the pain started intermingling with pleasure, your legs shook and the gag couldn’t hold your screams back any longer. You released against his tongue once more, both of you sobbing. He laid against your thigh for what felt like an eternity before he lifted himself to lay on top of you, his hip bones digging into your soft thighs. You could feel the bulge through the thin material of his boxer briefs. Your hips rose to meet it, a pleading gesture filled with the desire to comfort and please him. Your eagerness encourages his mercy, there’s a meek cry that leaves your lips when the damp silk slips from between your teeth.

“Please baby… I’m so, so sorry I didn’t tell you…” your voice was as weak as a kitten’s cry and Tamaki couldn’t deny it made his heart (his dick) clench.

“Say it…” his lips were close enough to kiss, but you resisted… fearful of what he’d do if you did.

“Say what, Tama?” your eyes were wide with concern and confusion. You were desperate to please him.

He turned your face to the camera that you’d forgotten was there and the gravity of the situation crashed around you again. New tears leaked from your stinging eyes as Tamaki whispered into your ear.

“Say that you’re a lying whore…”

“I..I’m a lying whore…”

The last syllable broke as your abused throat grew accustomed to speaking again. He rewarded you with a soft kiss to your cheek and your eyes closed at the tender gesture. The familiar pain in your chest welled to the surface causing even more tears to escape.

“And tell everyone that you’re my own personal slut”

You repeated the phrase to the audience behind the screen and he hummed with approval, trailing one finger along your wet cheek. 

“Good girl…” the praise sent shivers through your wrecked body.

“And tell them from now on, your boyfriend will be the only one making you come… that they only get to see you be HIS slut.”

You noticed the chat going absolutely haywire at your announcement. Before Tamaki shut your laptop, you realized you’d made three times as much as you’d ever made before and a twisted sense of accomplishment filled your cloudy mind.

“Please,” your voice came out in a croak, “Please untie me. I wanna make it up to you,” his clothed bulge was burning into your core and you could tell he was close to breaking.

“Please let me make you feel good. I’m so, so sorry,” the clench of your thighs around his waist made him whimper.

He reluctantly pulled away to sit on the foot of the bed. The way he curled in on himself hugging his knees made him appear so small, so fragile… a complete change from the man who’d just manhandled you into restraints.

“You’re a liar…” you almost didn’t hear the whisper, his face buried into his knees.

“Please!” you were losing feeling in your hands and all you wanted was to be free to comfort him.

His eyes met yours and it was your Tamaki again... Your sweet boy… the snarling, green beast that threatened to devour you was sleeping now after it reached its fill of violence. He crawled over your body and released your restraint. Before you even regained feeling in your hands, you wrapped your arms around him. You littered his collarbone with sweet kisses and apologetic sobs. He began to melt into your affectionate gestures and you wrapped your legs around his waist pulling him impossibly close. Wet lips met and your tongues fought against each other for dominance. Hips began to roll against each other, increasing pressure until you both gasped. 

The violence was gone, but this was still not a gentle coupling like you’d been planning. Tamaki pulled away and freed his straining cock from his boxers. The skin-to-skin contact made your eyes roll back into your skull. You felt his long fingers grasp your throat, squeezing to remind you just how powerful they were. You shuddered in response, arching upward into his touch, chasing that high his dominance was giving you.

With one swift motion, Tamaki speared you onto his cock. With the minimal prep he’d given you, the stretch was agonizing. This was by far the largest cock you’d ever taken and it stole your breath from your aching lungs. You moaned earning a visceral reaction from the boy on top of you.  

Tamaki stayed as still as he could. He refused to come so soon… not when he’d waited so long for this. He tightened his grip on your throat and tentatively rocked his hips into yours. It didn’t take long for it to progress into the most frantic love-making you’d ever experienced.

There was no other way to describe it, he was hate fucking you… biting and sucking your chest until blood bloomed under your skin… hammering into your sore, sticky cunt with total abandon… he was using you like a toy, taking out all his frustrations on your body.

It was ecstasy.

When his hips stuttered as he met his release, the spasms of his tip against your gummy walls sent you into a painful orgasm. You were spent and it seemed like he was too. Your fingers twitched over the crown of his head, wanting to run your fingers through his hair but too scared to initiate any contact with him. As if he could read your mind, he grabbed your hand and placed it on his head. You sighed and began carding through the tangles, gently undoing them. You felt a stream of tears running down your chest as you worked your fingers through his strands. Lifting his face gently, you met his teary gaze with your own.

“Don’t…” he drew in a shuddering breath, “ever lie to me like that again…” the monster behind his eyes stirred quietly, a malicious glint in his eye, before shifting back into your gentle boyfriend. 

“Never, I swear to you, baby…” he lets you lift his chin gently to meet your lips. His eyes close and he sighs into your kiss. His muscles relax and when his eyes open again, his warm, adoring expression falls over your face. The hand that wanted to choke the life out of your eyes minutes ago now caresses your jaw tenderly,

“I trust you…” his lips turn up into a grin that’s just a little too wide, “Because you’re a smart girl, aren’t you?” his top lip brushed against your still trembling bottom lip…

“Y-yes…”

You were fucked. This whole situation was fucked up and you weren’t blind to the fact. But as Tamaki nuzzled into your neck placing soft kisses and whispering praises into your skin, you let yourself bask in the gentleness of the moment…

Because you were a smart girl and smart girls learn their lessons quickly... 

[bcdwhcre]

Levi request where gf Petra(or anyone else? I love Petra) cheat on Levi and he turns to Reader for comfort?🥺 make it smutty if you want to!

Thank you❤️

“Lies and Affairs,” Levi x Reader

Whew chile, this is gonna be a wild one. Buckle in, kids.

Summary: Levi finds out Petra has been lying and cheating so he goes to reader for comfort but it turns into a little more

Warnings: angst, alcohol intake, dirty talk, degradation, rough sex, smut smut smut

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Levi has never felt this amount of betrayal lingering over his empty heart. He was always too careful on letting people in, he always made sure it was the right call to open up to people and here he was feeling stupid for letting himself open up once again just to be disappointed.

He was angry, he didn’t know what to do or where to unleash the anger he was feeling in the pit of his stomach but he had to handle his emotions and keep them in check.

It had been pouring down with rain when he came up to your place, banging on the wooden door so loud that it startled you from the kitchen. You made your way to the door, ready to chew out whoever was knocking that loud until your eyes met with your Captain’s sad ones.

He was soaked, not even bothering to wear the hood on his jacket while he walked over here. He didn’t care, he just stumbled in your place and grunted as he unzipped his wet boots and left them by the door.

“Levi? What’s going on?” You looked over at the clock, it was nearing ten at night and you were confused on why he was even here.

“Sorry, I just needed someone to talk to.” He muttered and you didn’t question him further, you rushed off to grab some towel and came back to help dry himself off.

“Do you need any spare clothes? Are you okay?” He grabbed the towels from your hands, shaking his head.

“Just need a drink, whiskey please.”

You tried not to spit out anymore questions as you poured two glasses, sitting down on the couch by the fireplace to somewhat warm his cold body while he drank. You grew more worried, Levi hardly drank and was never the type to normally drink alcohol like this.

“Petra has been... sleeping around with someone else.” He laughed about it, his teeth instantly latching onto his bottom lip wanting to punch a wall, anything to release the sadness he felt.

“Oh, I’m sorry.. if you need a place to stay, you’re more than welcomed to sleep here.” You tried to assure him, comfort him even and his dark eyes landed on yours.

“Just need someone. I have all this anger and I can’t do shit about it.” He was frustrated, you could tell that he was trapped and no one left to run to.

“If you want to punch me then I’m open to that too.” You teased, making him scoff under his breath. He didn’t even crack a smile at your joke, he was definitely upset.

He had continued to drink the whiskey, he went through a few more glasses and you just watched him, not really knowing what to say. You can’t just tell your Captain no? Or tell him to stop drinking? He was a grown adult and he clearly had his mind made up on what he wanted to do.

“How about I just fuck my anger out instead?” He abruptly said, making you choke on the drink you were sipping on and gave him a weird stare.

“Levi, you either had too much whiskey or you’re too mad to even think straight.”

“I didn’t come here for a lecture from my own Cadet.” He cut you off, setting the glass down and his eyes burned through you, making you grow nervous.

“Levi,” You started to say, watching his body move closer to yours and it just felt wrong but you didn’t bother to move or say anything.

“It’s Captain,” He grabbed a hold on your chin, forcing you to lock your eyes with his and the smirk grew on his face at your nervous state in front of him.

Your brain had repeatedly told you to move back, push him away and send him to bed. This wasn’t his usual self and the fact hours before he barely found out his partner had been cheating on him, he was spiraling before your eyes.

But your body said a completely different thing, the way his shirt was wet and stuck to his body, making his muscles more noticeable than before, and the way his eyes burned a hole right through you like he knew your exact thoughts. Everything about this was making you feel thousands of emotions.

You had opened your mouth to say something but his grip on your chin had tightened as if he didn’t even want you to speak, instead his lips smashed on top of yours. The kiss was soft at first, the taste of whiskey on his lips made it so much more intoxicating, you were addicted. It had taken you a moment to fully give in and fly your hands up to his hair.

The kiss starting getting more rough, his hand moving from your chin and grabbing a hold of your hips. Levi didn’t care about anything right now, it felt wrong to admit that he’s been wanting to do this to you for a while, since a few months ago when he felt his relationship crumbling beneath him and the more time he had spent around you, the more he drifted from Petra and finding out the lies she told, it just gave him a better excuse to go to your place and take you the way he wanted.

It had gotten heated in a matter of minutes, your fingers tugging at the ends of his hair, him grunting against your lips in response before his body had fully hovered over yours, pushing you down on the couch.

Finally his lips had broke away from yours, you could tell your lips were swollen already but it didn’t stay on your mind for long before you gripped at his damp shirt, tossing it to the side and seeing his bare chest for the first time had made you instantly gulp.

Levi didn’t hesitate to rip off all the clothing you two wore before his lips danced with yours again, he had became more rough as he easily slipped his tongue inside your mouth taking full control of the situation causing you to whine in his mouth, this just made him more confident. The sounds you gave off were feeding his ego and him wanting to take things further.

Soon his lips were down on your neck, biting, licking, sucking until multiple love bites were trailed from your neck and down your bare chest. He’s never felt this feeling in a long time, his stomach twisted and turned at the beautiful site before him, you.

“Levi..” You began to say, slowly growing impatient with his small actions that he was doing to purposely tease you but he quickly grabbed your hands and pinned them above your head, his lips inches away from yours.

“Who said you can speak, princess?” You can feel the venom dripping off his tongue, the low tone made chills run down your spine and even made you more wet just by how dominant he was being.

You shut your mouth, staring up at him with such lust and you can see how much he wanted this too. He craved you but he wanted to take his sweet time in devouring you bit by bit.

“Good girl,” He purred in your ear, his hand reaching down to wrap around your throat and you leaned your head back against the cushion.

Fuck, he knew what he was doing to you. He knew how badly he was torturing you as the seconds roll by. Your body was growing hot and you just wanted him to fully touch you and please you in places you craved his touch. You were desperate.

“Hm, tch, I can’t believe how needy you are already.” He clicked his tongue, the smirk on his face only growing wider as he dipped his fingers down, dancing them along your body and stopping right below your stomach, waiting for any sort of reaction from you.

You were so vulnerable, naked underneath him while his one hand was around your throat and the other teased you right above your core where you just wanted to shove his cocky head down.

“I want to hear how needy you are for your Captain,”

Your eyes had widen at his words, now you can see how much of a authority kink he has, he even liked being called Captain in bed. Your stomach did back flips as you made eye contact with him again, your throat becoming dry and your cheeks turning a light shade of red, this was so new to you, you were in shock.

He didn’t give you time to speak, his fingers had dipped between your legs and instantly swiped up your folds. You swore you saw a spark ignite in his eyes when he had felt how wet you were for him. He sunk his teeth into his bottom lip, his fingers running circles on your clit, teasing you as he watched the moans fall from your lips so effortlessly.

“I want to hear those words, princess.”

“C’mon,”

He continuously mumbled in your ear, his teeth digging into your neck, not even letting you stumble out a word as he slipped two fingers inside of your, not hesitating before pumping them in and out at a rapid pace.

“Oh, fuck,” You moaned out, your eyes falling shut at the intense pleasure you felt bottling inside of your body.

His eyes racked over you, watching every movement and listening to every sound you gave out, he was in awe with you. It didn’t take him long to grow impatient and wanting to completely ruin you into the couch, he wanted to make sure by the end of this you’ll remember his touches the next day and days after that.

He had pulled his fingers out, making you whine at the lost contact before he shoved his own fingers in his mouth in front of you, making your mouth part open at the sight. He hummed, the way you tasted on his fingers had definitely sent him over the edge.

He grabbed a hold of your hips, holding your body close as he grabbed a hold of his member with one hand, teasing your entrance just for a second as you squirmed beneath him.

“So fucking needy. Such a whore for daddy, hm?”

You thought you had nearly passed out from his words, you felt like you can cum then and there just by the way he was talking to you. Your breathing had gotten heavier, shit, you thought to yourself.

“Stop teasing,” You stuttered out, his eyes meeting yours and the amusement on his face had made you want to slap it off.

“Stop what?” He was pretending like he didn’t hear you, wanting to see how much he can truly edge you on just like this. You were weak.

“Just fuck me already, Captain.” The word slipped off your tongue so smoothly that it had changed Levi’s mind in an instant.

He wasn’t expecting the word to make him feel such intense feelings, he hears it everyday but this was different. The way it rolled off your tongue, the way you said it in a way where you knew it would make his body go weak and it did.

This made his head spin, his rough hands grabbing onto your hips as he fully filled you up to the brim and even more, perfectly hitting your spot in ways you never even felt before.

Levi didn’t take the time to let you adjust to his length, he was so desperate that his hips would rock into yours at such a rough pace that it had you seeing stars.

Your nails dragged down his back, sure that there would be marks later but it didn’t cross his mind. He kept his focus on you, panting and leaving sloppy kisses along your jawline.

The movements of his hips had only increased, you were sure the couch was going to give in and break at any given moment from how his body slammed into yours.

The endless moans slipping from both of your mouths, you had latched your lips together and heard his soft moans being muffled against your lips. Your bodies had grown sweaty and sticky the closer you had gotten to your orgasm.

Levi could tell you were about to unravel under him, your breaths were growing uneven and your moans were more frequent. This made him dip his fingers down to rub your clit, pushing you into wanting to cum in seconds.

“Cum for me,” He had muttered in your ear, the way his voice was deep and raspy had instantly sent you over the edge.

Your legs started to shake against his as you came harder than you have ever done, sending you into a full galaxy. You had moaned his name, your eyes on him once he had finished off shortly after you did, his body growing limp.

He had pulled apart from you, moving to where his body was pressed against yours as you both laid there trying to catch your breaths, the air thick and you had started to grow nervous again.

“I guess the next time I need to release anger, I know who to call.” Levi chuckled, making you gently punch his arm and he groaned quietly.

“Shut up.” You mumbled, feeling his arms around your small body as he held onto you tightly while peppering gentle kisses on your skin.

“You weren’t complaining a second ago.”

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BRUUUH, I haven’t wrote smut in years so if this shit is awful. Pls this was never posted

• Main Masterlist •

• AOT Masterlist •

[shreddedparchment]

A Wife for Thor Pt.19

The True Heir

03/09/2021

Pairing: King!Thor x Reader          Word Count: 5,781

Warnings: angst, depression, pregnancy, marital troubles, pining

A/N: There is very little editing. Forgive me. I’m sleepy. I’ve been up writing all night. I’ve also been hurting, but it’s all good! I’m so happy to get this chapter out. *insert evil laugh* If you happen to reblog, thank you so much for helping me spread my work! it truly means so much, more than you know. xoxo

Sunday

Today you do nothing.

You’d opened up your laptop last night and attempted to scribble a few lines for your next book, but all you could think about was Thor, Jane, the babies to come, and where exactly you fit amongst all of it.

After typing Thor’s name along with a few other random words for the tenth time, you gave up and shut the laptop. You’d crawled into bed, bundled up under your fluffy comforter, and bid goodbye to the world as you caved in to unconsciousness.

The fact that morning is here, you find that your hope for today to be better than  yesterday was silly. How can anything ever be good again?

You place your hands on your lower tummy, caressing what feels like a very slight swell. It’s just barely harder than the rest of your stomach. Firm. Despite the happiness that your baby brings you, you stare across the room at your computer and can’t find it in you to get up and work.

Instead you roll over onto your other side and pull Thor’s--that is to say, the one he’d used while he was here--pillow over to cling to.

Thor’s texts are also still fresh in your mind.

Sleep didn’t dull their effect on you or the confusion they raised.

Did they mean that he wouldn’t get an annulment? That’s sorta what you were getting from them. His declarations that he couldn’t live without you and that he would die for you and that he missed you so much at his side sounded like he was also telling himself how he felt. As if he were, not so much convincing, but reaffirming what he already knew.

You reach over and switch your phone on, clicking through to your messages to find that Thor must have stolen his phone back from Loki at some point.

Thor: Good morning, my cherub. I hope you slept well.

Thor: I could hardly sleep with you absent beside me.

Thor: Our bed is too big without you in it.

Thor: Have you seen the doctor yet? You’ll text me as soon as you get a diagnosis, won’t you? I’ll be waiting.

Thor: Loki insists that I give you some distance to rest but being apart from you is torture.

Thor: Would you be very angry with me if I came to see you?

Thor: I have some things I must deal with here before I can go though. Loki is right. I should allow you rest and fix things here before I come to you.

Thor: Are you still sleeping, cherub? I’m sorry if my messages are disturbing you. I haven’t gone this long without talking to you since...I wish I’d met you years ago. When things weren’t so complicated.

Thor: Would you have let me court you even though I am the God of Thunder? Future King of Asgard? Would you have married me when I came back with my people to live here on Earth?

Thor: I think if I had to choose all over again, you’re still the only woman equal to the task of being my Queen.

Thor: And the love that has grown between us is...I will never take it for granted…

As you read that last message, you assume he wants to say he won’t take it for granted again. He’s already let it slip through his fingers, although he doesn’t know it yet.

Thor: Perhaps this can be that break you were talking of. For our baby? Maybe we do need a little bit of relaxation to let our bodies recover?

Thor: And yet, I can’t wait to start a family with you, cherub.

You’re bawling all over again, your eyes flooding with tears as you bury your face into his pillow and sob loudly.

He’d said that he missed your body next to his. You can relate. You want to feel the heavy fall of his chest, the deep breaths that fill his lungs and escape through his lips in a quiet little snore that always makes you cuddle into his side.

Normally, he’d respond by turning to face you and holding you right up against his chest.

The comfort that simple thing would give you right now when your heart is aching so painfully is what you so desperately need. But...you’re so angry too. You don’t want him near you.

The images that flood your mind are torture. Mixtures of pleasant, happy moments now marred by the betrayal and anger that has taken hold of your heart.

You bury your face into the pillow and scream until your throat really does go hoarse. Frustration at the force of change you’ve had to make in the past twenty-four hours.

You’re startled back to the present when your phone rings. You make a small attempt  to clear your throat then answer and the absolute gravel voice you use settles any wondering as to whether your illness is real.

“Hello?” you whisper, clearing your throat to no avail.

“Oh, cherub, you sound terrible.”

Your heart panics. How are you supposed to talk to him?

You don’t want to talk to him.

“I can’t really talk,” you say weakly hoping he’ll take the hint.

“Did the doctor see you already?” Thor asks, his worry evident in the quiet tone of his voice.

“Yes, he gave me some medicine and told me to try not to talk,” you lie, surprisingly easy right now since you don’t want to talk.

For your emotional sanity, you need to hang up soon.

“I’m so sorry, love. I wish I could take this illness from you. Where’s David? I’d like to talk to him.”

You panic again, floundering as you cough and clear your throat to buy some time.

“He’s not here. He went to the store to get some groceries,” you hope he buys it.

“I’ll call him a little later then. If you need anything, let me know. I’ll get it for you.”

“Thanks, Thor,” you mumble, suddenly not wanting to hang up.

How can one person give you so much ease and worry all at once? How can he be your source of agony and comfort at the same time? It’s not fair.

“I have so much to tell you, but...now is not the right time. You need to get better first.”

Nevermind! Fuck this guy. Your heart sinks.

“I have to go,” you tell him, hoping he’ll just hang up and leave you be now.

“Very well. I love you, cherub.”

How do you answer him without giving anything away just yet?

“Me too,” you choose. And it’s true.

Even if he’s torn your heart into pieces, he’s still the father of your baby and you still love him.

Whatever madness overcame him when he’d suggested to Loki getting an annulment was the best course of action seems to have passed. Loki must be right about him.

“Bye, Thor,” you whimper.

“Bye, Y/N,” he says your name, making your heart quake a bit.

You hang up and quickly dial up David.

He answers after two rings.

“Hello? How is my favorite girl in the whole wide world?”

He sounds amused by something, or just happy. It’s such a difference to how you feel at the moment that it breaks you and you sob again, renewing your tears.

“Y/N? What’s the matter?” David demands, clearly now beginning to fret over the way you sound.

You tell him everything. Somehow you manage to get it all out minus one important detail and when you’re done recounting the most horrible night of your life, David sighs heavily and you can almost picture him settling into a deep armchair with massive worry weighing on his shoulders.

“Well, the good thing is, if he goes through with an annulment, you’re to be given a monthly allowance for the rest of your life. It was a condition in your contract, should Thor change his mind about marrying you. But he didn’t so it was moot, until now. You will be a very rich woman. More so than the small fortune you originally inherited.

“I know that money is hardly a consolation for the man that you love-” David sighs again. “Perhaps he said it in madness? He must have been very upset. Caught by surprise?” David offers.

“Even if he doesn’t mean it or doesn’t go through with it, I know that for you the point is the thought was there.

“However, I do think we must make allowances for Thor. I’m sorry to say. He is a king and he’s responsible for his entire people. A baby would give them security. Stability. A legitimate heir would tie them to Earth forever.

“We musn’t make light of his choices. This isn’t a common situation to find one’s self in. For either of you.”

“David, I’m pregnant.” You finally explain, knowing that it will maybe just show him a little bit more of what you’re facing. “I went to tell Thor and that’s when I overheard them.”

For a moment he’s speechless. When he speaks again, his voice is heightened.

“Congratulations! I-I knew it would happen eventually. The timing is a little-”

“I haven’t told him yet, clearly.”

Silence again. “Why?”

“I don’t know. I was so happy when I went to tell him and then I heard their conversation and I-I just can’t find the strength to do it right now. Not until I know whether he wants the annulment.”

David breathes in deeply and then exhales slowly into the phone. His breath is light and soft.

“You’re afraid that he will only stay with you because of the child,” a statement.

David knows you better than anyone else in your life. It’s not surprising that he’d make the leap so quickly.

“He’s willing to leave me and marry Jane because of her baby. It’s possible that he’ll stay by my side only because of our baby and I’d rather he do what’s best for our people than to stay with me because of a sense of obligation.”

“It could be that Jane will not want him. She might keep her child away from the Asgardian royal court. Didn’t she refuse to marry him because she didn’t want to be Queen?” David’s voice is pensive. “This might all feel much larger than it is. I suggest you take some time to really think through your actions before making any decisions.”

“I’m not going to never tell him, David. He’s the father of my child. He has to know that he has two and not just the one. I don’t think I could do that to him. I could never keep him from his children.

“Either of them.”

“You are magnanimous, Y/N. More than even I thought you were capable of.”

“Bullshit. I ran away and am refusing to see him until I get my week of space,” you nod firmly. “But David-?”

“Tell me,” he urges you, recognizing your tone of anguish.

“I-I know that I accepted this marriage hesitantly. It wasn’t like I asked for it and you know how I felt before Thor asked me to marry him. You know how s-scared I was about marrying someone who was in love with someone else, and now...now he’s-”

“He’s married to you, Y/N. Not Ms. Foster. And from what I have been able to see, he does love you. Not Jane. This is a temporary setback. If you’re angry at him, be angry at him. Don’t pretend you aren’t. If you’re hurt, show it. Wear your heart on your sleeve.

“Loving someone is one of life’s greatest blessings. Sometimes that love doesn’t last, sometimes it takes a beating. But you must choose whether your love is worth fighting for.

“You’ve also got obligations that you cannot escape from. Duties to your people as their Queen.”

“Assuming Thor doesn’t leave me and take my crown,” you scoff.

“I’m with your brother-in-law. I don’t think it will come to that. I think Thor was a little shocked and thrown by Ms. Foster’s news. Now that he has had some time to think, I believe he’ll do right by you and when you tell him, your child.”

“I won’t tell him until he makes up his mind,” you insist.

“That is your prerogative. Do what you need to. What can I do to help? What do you need from me?”

“Just be prepared for any eventuality. I’m not sure what’s going to happen at the end of this week. Oh, and if Thor calls you--just make something up and tell me what you say. He thinks you drove me from the airport and have been staying with me.”

“Using me as your alibi so that your husband won’t come looking for you,” David clicks his tongue. “How much detail shall I give him?”

“You’ve got a job too, just tell him you’re coming and going. Tony had his staff install some security on the house after the honeymoon. I’m safe here. He’ll believe that I’m safe if that’s all you say.

“Anyway, I need to go. I have two more calls to make before I can relax and enjoy my break from the throne.”

“If you need anything, you know how to reach me. Anything, Y/N. I mean it.”

“Thanks, David. I can always count on you,” you smile.

Just a tiny one. A very subtle curve at the corners of your lips.

“Well, you do pay me,” he jokes, which actually pulls a small laugh from you.

“Right. Bye, David.”

“Goodbye, Your Majesty.”

You take only a minute to think about your conversation with David before you make the most important calls of your week in solitude.

The first one is simple. Just a reminder of doctor-patient confidentiality. He understands what you’re saying even if he doesn’t practice by that mentality.

Dr. Wilson’s phone call is more difficult. She wants an explanation. She wants to know why she’s not allowed to tell your husband, the King of New Asgard, that he’s finally got what you and he have been wanting.

An heir!

It’s painful to talk about but you tell her what’s happened. You tell her that Thor doesn’t know that you know about Jane’s baby.

She’s very quiet as you talk. She assumes things and you can hear her anger when she starts to ask for what she can tell Thor.

“He didn’t cheat on me, Dr. Wilson,” you explain, hoping that this will ease her anger.

You’re angry at Thor because of the annulment, not because he and Jane have created a life from their love. You’re hurt because he’s willing or was willing--you’re not sure yet--to leave you to be with Jane, even if not for love but for the baby growing within her.

You’re hurt because the man you love was choosing his duty over his feelings for you.

Even though you know that he’s right to do it. Even though you know that you should understand because he’s King and you also took an oath to put the people of New Asgard first.

It’s your duty to put their well-being before your own. That doesn’t mean you have to like it.

In Thor’s mind, his only duty is to his child. Jane’s child. He doesn’t know you’re carrying one of your own yet. Even though that would probably make sure that he stays with you because of the baby, you don’t want that to be the reason he stays.

Proud fool.

“Thor slept with Jane the same night he proposed to me. This was before we loved each other, when leaving Jane was the hardest thing he’d had to do. I don’t hold that against him.”

You don’t tell her about the annulment. She doesn’t need to know how messy this all is.

“He’ll probably call for you and Dr. Alric soon. Loki suggested they get Jane checked so act surprised? But please don’t tell him I’m pregnant. Not yet. He’s coming to see me at the end of the week and I’ll tell him myself then. Please?” And it really is a genuine plea.

“I’ll do whatever you need, Your Majesty. I would like to come and check on you. You don’t sound well.”

She’s very sweet and her concern is touching.

“Thor will probably send you to me eventually. He’s worried but he’s clearly got other things on his mind.”

“I’ll make arrangements to head over there tomorrow. Oh, can you hold for one minute Your Majesty? I’m so sorry.”

“Of course.”

There’s silence on the phone for a few minutes before she comes back.

“It was His Majesty. He’s told me about Jane but she’s not available for an examination until later in the week. So, he’s asked me to come to you first. I’ll be there tonight.”

For some reason, the idea of having her with you eases some of the stress you’ve been carrying with you since yesterday.

“I’ll call and have a car sent for you.”

“Actually, His Majesty has promised to bring me straight to you via bifrost.”

“Wait, what?” You sit up in bed, clutching your blanket to your chest as your nerves suddenly fray and panic begins to build up within you.

“Should I come by plane?” She asks, worried by the sound of your voice.

You can’t see Thor. No. You can’t.

“No. I’ll just be going out later tonight to pick up a few things that I need here at the house. Toilet paper, napkins, laundry soap. I just didn’t want you to get here when I was out, but I’ll text you the passcode to get in.”

You’ll just have to make sure that you’re not at home when they come. That’s what you’ll do. This is a perfect excuse to be out since you need to get the stuff you listed anyway.

“Are you sure you wouldn’t just like me to come by plane?”

“No, really. The sooner you get here, the better. The car ride is so long from the airport. I’ll see you tonight, Dr. Wilson.”

“Bye, Your Majesty.”

Even though you know that you have hours upon hours until Thor brings Dr. Wilson here, you force yourself out of bed and abandon your plans to wallow in your feelings so that you can shower, get dressed, and leave the house.

If Thor’s coming, you’re going to be as far away from your house as you can be. You’re not ready to see him again just yet. You only have small errands to run but you’re gonna stay out all damn day if it’s the last thing you do.

~~~~~~~~~~

Tuesday

Thor is at a loss. Completely and utterly lost without you.

If he was ever in doubt as to how he really felt about you--which he never has been because he knows himself well enough to know better--he knows now that you are the light of his new life here on Earth.

His reign would mean significantly less without you at his side.

Even though the time you’ve spent together has been a short few months, they have been the best months of his life.

If he’d had one of those other women he’d interviewed become his Queen, this life he’s chosen to lead would have felt empty and tedious. Instead of watching his Queen spend her time with his people leading the way in progress.

You’re so eager to be part of the Asgardian populace. They’ve embraced you so fully.

With a sigh, Thor leans forward and buries his face into his hands as he mentally trashes himself for the absolute fool that he’s been about this entire situation.

The fact that he’d even entertained the thought of leaving you.

He wants to cry and tear his hair out in frustration.

Should he tell you that the thought was weighed along with many others at Jane’s news?

And Jane.

Thor groans.

She’s been avoiding him since she told him. He can’t exactly blame her for it. He hadn’t exactly taken the news well.

He had no reason to expect her to be receptive to him after he’d basically accused her of being confused about it. She knew her own body. If she said she was pregnant, what reason would he have to doubt her?

He’s messed everything up so much and he’s terrified to tell you about Jane.

What if you have the same idea he did? What if you decide to leave him in some foolish attempt to have him marry her and legitimize his future child?

It’s something you would do. Sacrifice yourself so that he could do the right thing.

The thought of living this life of rule without you at his side is unbearable.

With another frustrated groan, he gets up and moves to pace the length of the room, ignoring the large pile of paperwork on his desk as his mind moves in circles.

It always comes back to you.

And then you’d been out when he’d gone to drop off Dr. Wilson. He hadn’t expected you to be gone. He’d wanted to see you. To hold you. Touch you. Hear your voice after so much turmoil.

You are his only solace.

Going so close to you and not seeing you has left him with a terrible pain in his chest.

His phone rings.

Thor dives for his phone and fumbles with it as he grabs it off the bed. He almost loses it over the opposite edge.

He literally throws himself towards it and lands with a grunt onto the bed as he catches it.

He presses the button on the screen without looking to see who it is because he only wants it to be you.

“Cherub?” he gasps, his voice an octave higher than normal with the little bit of exertion he just underwent.

“Oh, no. Sorry, Your Majesty, it’s Dr. Wilson. I was just calling to give you your daily report on Her Majesty’s health.”

“Oh, yes, of course. I’m sorry. I just haven’t heard from-” He clears his throat, sits up, and slides to the edge of the bed. “No matter. How is my Queen, doctor?”

“She was asleep. But just woke up. She’s very tired. Her throat is better, but she’s had a fever every morning since Sunday.”

Thor sits up straighter, hand clenched into a fist around the edge of the bed as his heart starts to thrum loudly.

“Is she seriously ill?”

“No, of course not, Your Majesty. But she really does need rest. She has been under severe stress and I’m sorry to say that your constant messages are not letting her rest.”

Thor’s heart drops and buries itself into a hole at the bottom of his stomach. He feels numb suddenly, fearful of what he might be doing to you. The guilt of what he knows he must tell you soon also weighs down on him.

“Are you saying that I should leave her be until she is recovered?” Thor checks, just in case he’s not understanding correctly.

“I’m saying that if you want her to get well quickly, you must give her what she asked you for. She needs rest.”

Thor hates that he can’t be there to check on you. He wants to feel you close. He wants to see you. What if you’re deathly ill and you’re telling Dr. Wilson to lie for you?

You abhor lies and cherish honesty , but he can see you lying in order to spare him pain. Just as he is lying to spare you the worry of all this uncertainty with Jane.

Although he knows that he can never lose you now and even with a child coming with Jane, you are his wife and he can’t leave you. He was stupid to think he could even try. The thought was a sin and he’ll never forgive himself for thinking it.

Loki was so angry with him.

Rightfully so.

The good thing is that you’ll never know how bleak things looked. At least he has found his sanity again.

“Will you keep me informed? I’ll stop contacting her if you will promise to tell me how she fares. If she gets worse, I want to know.” Thor insists, his voice passionate and begging.

“You have my word, Your Majesty. Have you heard anything from Ms. Foster? Do we know exactly when we’ll be running her tests?”

“She’s very busy. As of now, it’s looking more and more likely that we won’t be able to find the time until the week’s end. After we confirm her pregnancy, I’ll tell Y/N. I’m sorry that I’ve asked you to collude in this business.”

There’s a long pause and for a moment Thor thinks that maybe the phone has disconnected but then Dr. Wilson sighs, “I cannot wait for this week to be over. Will you come back for me then? When she’s ready?”

“Yes. I’ll pick you up in the same spot that I left you. My wife wasn’t too upset about her lawn, was she? Only, Stark seems to get irritated with me every time I land on his.”

“No,” Dr. Wilson chuckles once. “She was not upset. Again, there’s little more than her throat, head, and fever on her mind. I’ve gotta go. She’s gone out into the garden for some fresh air but I need to get her back into bed.”

“Please take good care of her, doctor. She’s...well, she’s my wife,” Thor finishes heavily.

The phone goes dead and Thor sits there staring at his phone until he can find the strength to get to his feet and go off in search of Jane. They really need to talk.

~~~~~~~~~~

Friday

Thor is upset.

He’s beyond frustrated by now.

He’s irritated.

It’s a week tomorrow since he’s seen you and he can’t stand the distance anymore.

Dr. Wilson snuck him a photo but you’d been sitting on your sofa, looking weak and withdrawn.

He’s not sure what exactly is making you sick, but he knows that he can’t go another day without seeing you.

He needs to get Dr. Wilson back here and he needs to get confirmation so that he can have something to tell you once he sees you.

He won’t lose you over this.

It was one last time. One final goodbye with Jane and he’d thought she was on her birth control but apparently she hadn’t been so he hadn’t bothered to protect himself from the possibility of getting her pregnant.

Why hadn’t she said anything?! Why hadn’t she told him that she wasn’t on her pill?

He knows it’s wrong to blame her. It took both of them to make this baby, but being away from you for so long is wearing thin and he’s losing all semblance of patience.

It takes some very careful maneuvering. Heimdall is sent first, then Hilde, then Loki.

None of them know why they’re going in to corner Jane in the tower except for Loki. Well, Heimdall knows, but there’s no hiding much from Heimdall. He pretends not to know and that’s good enough for Thor.

Loki is just stepping out of the tower when he turns to look at Thor with a grave almost exhausted expression.

“She’s up there,” he assures Thor, frowning as he shuts the heavy door. “When will this end, Thor? Are you going to keep the Queen away forever?”

Thor says nothing, he’s too upset to speak. He pulls the door open roughly and stomps his way up the steps taking them two at a time until he’s standing on the top floor landing.

He can see Jane biting her lip, pacing the length of the room until she turns and finally sees him.

“Thor…” she gasps, not expecting to see him.

“We have to talk, Jane.”

She looks away, turning her back on him then moves towards her laptop which she carefully closes. She puts her hand up to her throat and turns to face him.

“I will have Dr. Wilson brought in and Dr. Alric to give you the same tests they have been giving Y/N. They will be confirming your pregnancy and once we have that, then we can all sit down and figure out-”

“I’m not pregnant,” Jane gasps, her voice filling the room despite the quiet breath that escapes her pink lips.

Thor’s stomach twists. It’s agony.

On the one hand, the words she’s just spoken are...they’re a celebration. They’re simplicity. They’re peace and a return back to normal where in his life there is only you.

On the other hand, he’s just lost a baby he never had. An heir that he’d been expecting and now can never get back.

He’d made plans for this child. He’s pictured his life with them, the happiness and joy that their birth would bring to the people of New Asgard. The assurance that they would always belong to Earth.

He’d picked names for boys and girls. He’d begun to make a list of nursery items they would need even as he lamented that the baby was not yours but Jane’s.

This baby would have, and had already begun to change his life.

And now this?!

“What?” he very nearly spits.

Jane is so flustered she’s wringing her hands hard, welting them red.

“I’m...I didn’t expect to come here and see you with her and see how fast you just-” she waves her hand as if shooing away some animal. “-moved on. It’s like you were never with me.

“You were both so happy and talking about the future and I just lost it for a little bit,” she shrugs. “I have no excuses, Thor. I’m sorry if what I said hurt you. It was selfish of me and I just loved you for so long. You were mine, you know? And now you’re married, planning to have kids, and your wife is so nice and considerate and even though she has every reason to hate me, she was polite and so damn perfect…

“I’m not afraid to say that it made me hate her. I’m ashamed of it, but not enough to take it back.”

The silence is thick. The air suddenly grows charged and Thor’s eyes shine a bright sparkling blue.

His hands crackle and his eye spits as if full of blue fire.

The sky overhead thunders and the world shakes with the boom. The lightning strikes sharp and fast, shaking the tower so that for a moment, Thor can see how Jane thinks it might topple.

His anger gives way to betrayal and his lightning fizzles out as he takes a step towards her, his brow furrowed, eye full of pain as he stares at her, searching for the joke that this must be.

There is no way that this is really happening.

“You lied to me?” Thor accuses.

Jane blanches, her lips going pale as she takes a step towards him.

“I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to lie, I just-I didn’t want to see you with her anymore and I wasn’t thinking straight so I just said it before I could stop myself. I know that it was wrong and I didn’t think it would go on for so long. I wanted to tell you almost as soon as I said it that it wasn’t true, but then you just took off and then the Queen left and I wasn’t sure if you told her and maybe that’s why she wasn’t here.”

Thor shakes his head, turning away from her as he paces towards the stairs but then turns back, his anger returning but full of pain now.

“I defended you. When Loki insisted I have you tested I asked him if he doubted you and I assured him that you would not lie about something this important. What reason would you have to lie?” he demands, almost of himself instead of Jane.

“Thor,” Jane begins.

“How long were you going to let me think you were carrying my child? How long were you planning to con me?” he accuses and his words seem to hurt Jane.

Thor can’t find it in him to care too much.

“I wasn’t-that’s not what I meant to do, Thor. Please, you have to believe me. I just didn’t know how much seeing you with her would-”

“You have no right to be upset!” he booms, his voice loud and it startles Jane quiet.

She’s never heard him angry like this. She’s never heard his voice raised.

“I gave you every opportunity to be with me, to marry me, to build a life here with me and be my Queen. You didn’t want it! You flat-out refused to be tied down by me and this Kingdom but now that you see me and my wife happy, you change your mind?

“You have the audacity to raise obstacles between us because you have regrets?”

“Thor,” she tries again, but Thor won’t let her speak.

“Get out,” he says sternly, turning to move towards the stairs.

“What?!”

“I said, get out. You are no longer welcome in my home. Pray no one ever finds out of your treachery. And should you have the urge to return for any reason, don’t.”

Thor storms down the steps, so angry that each step shakes the tower.

He’s breathing heavily as he slams the door shut behind him.

The storm air helps to calm him a bit. It clears his mind at least and the past week zooms by him like an unpleasant movie.

All of that worry and the plotting and planning. The agony that he felt wondering if you’d leave him when you found out about his child with Jane was the most unbearable.

Your face flashes before his eyes and he knows that there’s only one place he can be right now.

He throws his hand out and a metallic whistling rushes closer before his fist closes around his hammer.

He swings it firmly and throws it up into the air as he makes for your home.

Now that he has nothing to keep him here, he’s eager to get back to you. He’ll tell you everything and hope that you can forgive him for lying to you about Jane.

Even though it was a lie by omission, it was still a lie.

“I’m coming, my cherub,” he whispers, so eager to have you in his arms again.

Nothing will ever tear him from you again. He is certain. Nothing. Not a false heir, or a former love, no doubts exist within him anymore. You are the one.

The only one.

[vannybarber]

The Prenup: Part Four

Summary: After four years of being together and finally being engaged, Chris wants you to sign a prenup.

Chris Evans x Reader

Warnings: angst, swearing, chris getting his ass handed to him, a lot of pain.

Part One Part Two Part Three

As soon as you heard that, you slam the door in his face.

"Y/N, what the hell? Open the door. What are you doin'?"

"No, I'm not opening the door. How are you gonna finally see me and knowing I'm upset with you, greet me with "hi baby"? You fuss at him through the door.

"I'm sorry okay! Can you please open the door? We need to talk."

"Don't raise your voice at me. You're only making it worse for yourself." You shift your weight on the other foot folding your arms. "I can do this all day."

"Come on babe, I'm serious." So were you.

"If I open this door, you better act like you have some sense."

"Alright, alright. Just open the door please."

You hesitantly walk over and open the door seeing him stand in the same position. Your face is torn up and you wrinkle it more when your eyes land on him. Although you won't admit it, a tiny part of you are glad to see him. Just a tiny part.

"Can I come in?" He looks at you and tilts his head sassily.

"Cut the attitude Christopher." You walk away towards the bed signaling he could enter.

"We're not gonna get anything solved with you acting like this" he huffs, slamming the door.

"How do you expect me to act? We wouldn't have anything to solve if you hadn't done all this. All this time you had to think and you still can't get that through your mind."

"I still don't see why you're making such a big deal. This is protecting us both. I don't touch your money, mine doesn't get touched either."

You almost slap him.

"Chris, that's if we were to divorce. We haven't even gotten married and you're already thinking about divorce?" What the fuck is wrong with him?

"You always say to be extra cautious and careful. That's what I'm doing. Megan thinks it's a good idea and when is she ever wrong?"

"You know what's sad Chris? Megan is such a bitch and you can't see it. She literally tries to dictate every little thing you do. She's your publicist, not your wife. You talk about how you love your freedom and independence, which I give to you, but when it comes to her, whatever she says goes."

His hands are rubbing his face, like usual, when he's in a predicament. He's not saying anything, which makes you even more upset, but you continue anyway.

"I truly don't think you understand how you're being right now. You're letting someone else dictate our relationship. You don't even talk to me about it, so I'm sitting on the sidelines watching you play the game. It's clear in itself that you are still not ready to be in a relationship. How? I don't know. You had fucking 4 years."

"Its not that easy, okay? You know how all my past relationships have gone. Somehow I was still being used for everything. Whether it was money, publicity or whatever. You don't get it."

You sigh and run a hand over your forehead. It's obvious you aren't going to get anywhere with this, so what was the point of him even coming here? Hold on.

"How the hell did you even find me? I haven't talked to you all day." He looks up and at the wall, bouncing his leg nervously in the chair he was seated in.

"You had your location on and I drove over here." You roll your eyes and this upsets him. "You freaking left without telling anyone where you were! You could've been hurt. Or even worse."

"I told your momma I was fine." He scoffs.

"You've got to be kidding. You just have to be."

You've had it up to here with this man. Clearly nothing was going to get resolved and both of you are stubborn about it, so you want him gone right away.

"Chris just go. You're wasting time. I told you to come in here with some sense, but you must've left the little that you had at the door."

"You're my future wife. I'm not leaving you. We need to work this out." Haha. That's funny.

"Well according to you, I'm most likely going to be your future ex wife." Okay you were being dramatic but whatever. "Let me help you understand. After 4 years of a relationship, you propose to me. Then you get a prenup behind my back by the advisory of your hating ass publicist. You signed it without even letting me know you had one. Do you not see the issue at hand here?"

You deadpan him for his reaction. You needed some form of indication that he gets what you're saying. That he realizes he's being a dick.

"I mean...I guess? I just didn't think you'd be so bothered. If we never get a divorce then it's fine. The prenup won't matter." He sits up in his chair and looks at you what looks like to be genuine confusion on his face.

Why do you even bother?

"Yes it would matter. Because it will forever be there. And in the back of my mind, I will always feel you picked your money over me." All his confusion washes away at this and is replaced with realization and guilt. "You know me better than most of my own family does. And you know what my intentions are with you. None of them require money. If you didn't have money like you did, I still would be with you Chris. Why? Because I love you."

There's a silence.

"I honestly don't know what to say." And you could tell. Any words he wanted to speak barely got through transformation because he would just clamp his mouth shut.

"Chris I just want to be alone right now, okay? I really don't need this at the moment." Yeah, the fact that you're pregnant. And he still doesn't know. You thought about telling him, but now you want to hold it off being that this didn't go as planned.

"Babe-"

"Chris please. Just do this for me. It's the least you can do." You sit on the bed and cross your legs. You were in a bind that didn't seem to be letting up any time soon.

"Well it was a long drive and I have to use the bathroom." You swat your hand to the restroom for him to go. Anything to get him moving faster. He walks in and shuts the door behind him. Meanwhile, you grab your phone and contemplate whether you should turn your location off. If you kept it on, at least they would know where you were and that you were safe. But you don't want him back here.

After 4-5 minutes or so, you didn't hear the toilet flush and you wonder what he's doing in there.

"Chris what the hell is taking you so long?" The door clicks open and you look, only to see Chris standing in the frame with a pregnancy test in hand.

He has your positive pregnancy test.

You forgot you left them on the sink counter. Fucking idiot. You internally start freaking out and you jump out the bed. He spots you and stares at you. Knowing him for so long, you had never seen this look o his face before. Turns out, it was a look of betrayal. Why would he feel betrayed?

"You're pregnant." His voice is monotonous and his eyes don't leave yours for a second.

You on the other hand, are darting your attention around the room, looking anywhere but at him. You feel a sense of guilt. Probably because you weren't telling him and he had to find out like this.

"Yes- yes I am pregnant" you speak lowly, fiddling with the end of your shirt.

"And its mine right?" That made you mad.

"Of course it is! How the hell could you ask me that?"

"Well I don't know how to fucking feel! You were just gonna let me walk out of here without telling me you're pregnant with my baby!?" Now he's out the bathroom and a few feet away from you.

"I don't owe anything to you right now. I would've told you eventually. When I was ready." He goes silent.

"Are you going to keep it?" This time his voice is meek and lower than his normal tone. You look up and his face is pained. He is all for 'my body my choice' and completely supports that, but he'd be lying if he said that the thought of you, ya know, wouldn't hurt him.

"Yes I am keeping the baby." He let's out a huge breath.

Even though you couldn't have been more than 5 weeks, you had already felt like a bond was formed with your baby. And knowing Chris has wanted kids since forever, you couldn't take that away.

"Well I'm happy." But you still weren't all the way there yet. You didn't forget what had just happen.

"You still need to leave." The little smile on his face had vanished and he looked down.

"Are you gonna come back?" He was making it slightly difficult to keep the same hardness with him. You still loved that man, even through all your anger you have with him.

"I will, just not right now. Or not today at least. I still need to think. I'll be back home eventually." As you're speaking he sets the test back in the bathroom and stuffs his hands in his pockets.

"Well I guess that's better than nothing", he replies still visibly upset. "I guess I'll just head out now." He walks towards the door and hooks his hand on the knob. You quick get up and to your own surprise, you wrap your arms around him.

He's stiff for a few moments, which makes complete sense, but hugs back. You take in his scent and you almost give in. You hadn't smelt him in a while and it drove you crazy. You pull away and adjust your shirt. He looks at you one more time.

"I love you Y/N." You nod your head and he leaves the room.

"I love you too Christopher."

But he couldn't hear you because he was already half way down the hall, thinking about how he was going to make this right.

heehee😏i think this is a little more than what i gave in the last chapter. we're not through yet you guys ❤

@mayafatimakhan @attitude-times @shawn-youth @traceyaudette @kyraroseficreblogs33 @radi0active-thoughts @youthought-iwasa-nicegirl @ohbarracuda @katelyneannxo @jennamarieee623 @craycraycraic @ilikeurdad @captainson-of-coul @joanne-stan @ilovetheeagles @cristinagronk16 @kelbabyblue @onyourgoddamnleft @jessycatth @misz-adrii @geminievans1 @saltyflowermakertaco @a-moment-captured @harrysthiccthighss @dauntless2022 @allboutdatmarvel @ineedpineapple @illyrianprincess @ladycumberbatchofcamelot @thesecretlifeofdaydreamss @marianas-studyblr @obliviatevamps @thevelvetseries @coffeebooksandfandom @shamelessfangirl-3 @quietmyfearswith @kissme-hs @lvgllre @arabescapr @careless-intuition @lady-x-red

[mrsalwayswrite]

To Be My Night And My Day - Part 2

Summary: Hvitserk has been your best friend since childhood, the one you can always rely on. So when you start doubting your current relationship with Sihtric, Hvitserk kindly offers to help you out….but the consequences are never what you expected. 

Pairing- Sihtric x Plus Size!Reader & Hvitserk x Plus Size!Reader

Warnings: Angst, tears, soft boys

Words: 3k

Tag List: @youbloodymadgenius @evelynshelby @pomegranates-and-blood @deans-ch-ch-cherrypie @geekandbooknerd @adrille88 @dini73 @flowers-in-your-hayr​ (lemme know if you want to be added or deleted)

Catch up with Part 1

Sunlight streamed through the window in your home, warming your skin, as you tended to the few herb pots on the window sill. A pleased grin resided on your face as you took in how the plants were thriving. They had been a gift from Queen Aslaug for your last name day. You could not wait to tell her how alive and vibrant they were….unlike your prior attempts. 

 At the sound of the door opening, you looked over your shoulder to see Sihtric come in. You smiled at him, ready to make a quip about him getting off early from training. The tease died on your tongue when you really took in his appearance. His shoulders were hunched over, like he carried the weight of the world there. Each movement, each step, was slow and deliberate as if moving through a fog. Even the couple warrior braids on one side of his head were thoroughly disheveled. You wondered what had caused him to run his hand over them so aggressively and frequently. Yet it was the frown that marred his handsome face and the distant look in his dark eyes that caused a concerned churning in your gut.  

 "Sihtric, what's wrong?" You fully turned around, dusting the little bit of dirt off your fingers. 

 Carefully, he unhooked his sword belt, moving methodically, and laid it on the table with that far off glaze still over his eyes. His soft lips were pressed together in a thin line. It was not until he began walking in your direction that he lifted his gaze to meet yours. His arms wrapped around you, pulling your full frame against him. You immediately placed your arms around his neck, laying your head on his chest. Beneath your ear, you could hear his unsteady heartbeat and his shallow breathing. Internally, you attempted to quell your own fear, knowing Sihtric needed comfort right now, for whatever had caused his distress. This was the first time you had ever seen him act this way, and truthfully, it frightened you. 

 You started to massage the back of his neck with your hand, lightly squeezing and rubbing it in a way you knew soothed him. In response, his arms tightened around you, somehow drawing you even closer as if he wanted to meld your bodies into one. His head rested on yours, and for a moment you thought you heard a sniffle but you were uncertain. 

 A handful of minutes passed before you decided to break the silence. "Sihtric? What happened?"

 "I'm going to ask you a question…." he whispered, "....and I need you to answer honestly."

 "Of course."

 "Did Hvitserk and you have sex recently?"

 Immediately, you felt as if you had plunged into a frozen lake. Ice filled your veins, even as you tensed. It had been two days since Hvitserk and you slept together, and you had truly hoped that the blond prince had taken to heart your begging for him not to say anything to Sihtric. Guilt had clawed away continuously at your mind ever since Hvitserk walked out of your home, determined to find your man. But that night when Sihtric returned from guard duty, a tired smile on his face and a lingering kiss to your lips, you knew Hvitserk had not found him. So you had hoped, and prayed, that this would all blow over somehow. 

 Yet the truth was, a Pandora's box had been awakened in you. For even now, you still thought of Hvitserk in your bed, confessing his devotion to you. And you desperately wanted to make love to him again. 

 "So, he was telling the truth…." Sihtric stated blandly. His arms unwound from around your waist, then grabbed yours from around his neck and dropped them like they had physically burned him. Without another word, he stepped back away from you, creating distance that felt so much more than just physical. 

 Your heart shattered like broken pottery at your feet with the utter look of betrayal on his face. "Please, lemme ex‐‐" 

 He held his hand up, cutting you off. Your mouth audibly snapped shut. Silently, you watched him take several shallow breaths, hands on his hips, as if trying to internalize his anger and pain, to make sure he did not lash out at you. 

 At this moment though, you wish he would. Anything would be better than watching him attempt to hide his pain, his heart tearing in two. You wish he would scream at you. But this was Sihtric. He was too good, too kind, too caring to lash out at you. It only wrecked your heart even more. 

 "Sihtric, please, it was--" 

 "I trusted you." He cut you off again. A tear slid down his cheek before he hastily wiped it away. "I thought….I thought you were happy with me. I know we haven't known each other long but….I guess I should have expected this."

 "What?"

 "I have seen the way you and Hvitserk look at each other. You always explained it away as being best friends, but I know….in my gut I knew there was more to it. But I trusted you. You're the only woman besides my mother I've ever trusted….and cared for."

 Tears streamed down your cheeks and dripped onto your ample chest, a physical manifestation of the river of anguish coursing through you. "I am happy with you."

 "Then why?! I don't understand!"

 "Because….ugh, it seems so stupid now."

 "Am I not enough for you? I know he's a prince and I'm only a bastard but you said that didn't matter. Has that changed?" He took another step back, furthering the void growing between you two. 

 You wanted to reach out to him, to bridge the gap, to just touch him and hope he felt your sorrow. But the crestfallen look on his face, the dejection in his dark eyes stayed your hand. "No, I promise." You pleaded, hoping he could hear the truth in your words. "I don't care that you're a bastard."

 "Then why?!" He demanded, another tear rolling down his cheek. "Why would you do that? To me? To us?!"

 "Because I thought you were going to leave me!" You cried out. There it was. The painful truth. You never expected him to truly stay. But once you got a taste of him, knew what it was like to be cherished….you never wanted to let him go. 

 His eyes widened and mouth opened slightly as he took in your words. "What?" 

 This time it was you who stepped away. You turned your back on him, your stomach churning and for a moment you worried you might vomit. "I've seen you talking lately more with the shieldmaidens, laughing with them, training with them…."

 "So, it is jealousy? You decided to get back at me by letting Hvitserk fuck you?" He accused. 

 "No!" You whipped back around, frustration and sorrow creating an explosive concoction in your heart. "Gods! That's not…."

 "What is it then?"

 "I figured you were talking to them because you disliked having sex with me and were looking for someone….new. Someone who would be more interesting and knowledgeable and….and prettier. Just, someone not like me."

 This time he looked utterly destroyed after your explanation. "What?"

 "Why else would you be leaving immediately after we have sex? Or….or stay out so late? I just thought I was becoming boring to you….which I understand…."

 "And Hvitserk?"

 You shrugged. "He offered to help try and boost my confidence….in the bedroom….hopefully that would make you want to stay. I didn't know he had….feelings until after."

 He scrubbed his hands over his face as he heaved a deep sigh. Turning, he placed his hands on the back of a nearby chair as if to ground himself.

 "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Sihtric." You mumbled through your tears, as you pressed a hand to your mouth, desperately trying to suppress the sobs rising up in your throat. "Please just….I'm so sorry."

 He shook his head, his voice morose. To your surprise, he chuckled darkly before speaking again. "No, I'm sorry. It's my fault. It's all my fault."

 "What? No…." 

 He turned around, a wetness on his cheeks that had not been there prior. "I should have told you….I just…." His voice trailed off, his gaze dropping to the floor. 

 "Sihtric? What? Told me what?"

 "I love you!" He blurted out. 

 All the air vanished from your home. Your lungs struggled to expand, leaving your mouth gaping open. A kick to the chest from a horse would have been less painful than his admission. You could only stare at him as his declaration bounced around in your brain but refused to settle. "You….you do?"

 Slowly he walked over and tenderly held your hands in his, the battle-hardened calluses a contradiction from your own soft hands. Those dark eyes you loved stayed focused on your clasped hands as he spoke softly. "I know we haven't been together long….but I've known it for a while. You're special. Before you I never wanted to open up, trust was something that was hard. A quick fuck was easy, but to linger, to find myself wanting to hold you in my arms all night, to see your sleepy, sated face in the morning light. That was new. And it scared me. Somehow you changed all that. The more time we spent together, the more I hated to be away from you. That's how I knew….that's how I knew I loved you."

 "Why did you never say anything?"

 He chuckled, thumbs rubbing on the back of your hands. "I almost did. Gods, so many times. After we'd make love. Sometimes in the morning, seeing you laying in our bed. When I'd come back from training or guard duty and you'd greet me with that sweet smile on your face and a kiss….so many times I had to bite my tongue to keep the words from spilling forth."

 Everything clicked in that moment. And if it was possible for your heart to shatter even more, yours surely had. "That's why you would leave….it wasn't because you didn't like me…."

 "Never."

 "Sihtric, I love you too." You choked out amidst a sob. "I wish you had said something."

 "I couldn't."

 "Why not?"

 Finally, he raised his eyes to meet yours, a smile full of hopelessness on his lips. "Because I knew Hvitserk was in love with you, just as much as you're in love with him."

 "But…."

 "I know you always said you're best friends, but it's obvious to anyone who looks past the facade. There was always more underneath. The way you two gravitate to each other, the lingering looks and touches, the comfortability there….I always figured I was just someone to pass the time with, until the two of you finally confessed to one another. I just never expected it would be my fault that it'd finally happen."

 "Oh Sihtric, I'm so sorry." You cried, no longer able to restrain your sobs. Sihtric pulled you against him, letting you bury your head against his broad chest as you bled out your heartache. With the way his chest rose and fell rapidly and the wetness against your hair, you knew he was silently crying with you. For the miscommunication. For the betrayal. For all the unspoken hopes and dreams both of you had carried, now trampled and laying broken at your feet. 

 After some time, when both of your tears subsided, you continued to cling to one another like that would somehow stem the outpouring of your bleeding hearts. 

 The dark-haired Viking broke the silence tainted with misery. "He said he wanted to fight me. For you. Over you. How he can't live without you now….and will do anything to have you."

 "Will you?" You cautiously asked, face still pressed to his wet tunic. "Will you fight him?"

 "Do you want me too?" 

 You lifted your head, wanting to see his face as you answered. "I don't want you to fight. Either one of you. I'm not….I'm not worth it."

 "You're worth everything." He replied, cupping your cheek so tenderly it caused a fresh wave of tears to fill your eyes. 

 "Sihtric….please don't. I couldn't bear it if you got hurt….either one of you."

 "Then you need to decide."

 Your heart stuttered in your chest, your breath catching. "What do you mean?"

 "Y/n, my love…." He rubbed his thumb over your cheek, collecting the evidence of your sorrow. "You have to choose one of us."

 You shook your head. "I don't….I can't….Sihtric."

 His thumb continued to run along your cheek as he gazed at you, a swirl of emotions in his eyes that pierced you like an arrow. After a long moment, he nodded and dropped his hand. "I'll leave. Let you think in peace. Just know….whatever your decision, I'll respect it." 

 "Sihtric…." You begged, but what more could you say?

 After pressing a lingering kiss to your forehead, he released you from his strong arms. He stared at you helplessly, further shredding any remnants of your heart left. With that, he quickly turned and walked away, snatching his sword belt off the table, not even bothering to take the time to put it on before he was out the door. 

 Soon as the door softly closed behind him, you dropped to the ground with soul-wracking sobs. 

 It was selfish, you knew. There were two handsome, perfect men both asking for your devotion, both desiring you, both wanting you to choose them over the other. How could you possibly choose? You wanted them both. Needed them both. It was so selfish. 

 But it was the gods-forsaken truth. 

 ***** 

 You cried yourself to sleep that night. 

 And the next night, when Sihtric did not return home. 

 Hvitserk found you the next morning, still lying in bed. Your throat was hoarse from all your crying and your eyes felt permanently dry and red-rimmed. Curled under your furs in your thin shift, the desire to leave your warm nest was nonexistent. Food and drink had barely passed your lips. You knew it was all your own fault. Yet you wallowed in your misery, unable to escape its tenacious pull. Your thoughts swirled like a cyclone in your mind, a force of destruction you could not flee from. No matter how much you wanted to.  

 For how could you choose one over the other? 

 Without a word, he crawled into the bed with you, tucking your body against his in a warm embrace. Without a second thought you melted against him, desperate for the safe haven he provided in the stormy seas of your mind. Your full figure snuggled against his lean form in a way that was effortless, like your bodies were made for this embrace. Exhausted from your lack of sleep and excessive crying, it did not take long for you to drift in and out of sleep, sniffling pathetically when awake. He never commented on your deplorable state of being, just held you tight, an anchor in your waves. 

 "My sweet," Hvitserk kissed the top of your head as he soothingly ran a hand up and down your back, "don't cry. The Norns will decide."

 "Please don't fight him, please Hvitserk. I couldn't take it if either of you were injured."

 "Hmmm….what did he say?"

 You sniffled pathetically, throat raw as you spoke. "He said I had to choose."

 "And?" He encouraged quietly. 

 "Oh, Serk, I'm so selfish." You lamented, gripping the front of his tunic, now ruined by your tears. "Thor strike me down! I can't. I can't choose. I love you both. Gods, I'm so selfish."

 This would be the reason for him to walk away. You were sure of it. Even after all of your years of friendship, you were unable to choose him over your lover, someone you had only known for two years. Why would the blond prince stay? There were plenty of women who would willingly fill his bed. Why would he waste his time on someone like you?

 And Sihtric. Someone who clearly gave you their all- their trust, their love, their hopes and dreams. Surely, he could easily find someone new. Someone better than you. Why would he fight for you?

 How selfish were you to hurt both of these men you loved….and for some reason they loved you too. 

 Suddenly, you felt him nuzzle your hair. "You love me?" He whispered. 

 "Yes."

 He hummed, a hand drawing random patterns on your back as if in thought. "And you love him?"

 "Yes." You choked out, a fresh wave of remorse and self-loathing crashing over you. 

 Gently, he tipped your face up to draw you into a kiss. A soft press of mouths, urging you to respond, to sink into the comfort he so willingly offered. You clung to him as your lips moved in tandem, seeking the momentarily solace provided. 

 You pulled back eventually, opening your eyes to meet his green orbs. "Serk?"

 "It'll all work out, beautiful. You'll see." He assured with a smile, drawing you back to his sweet lips. 

 Even with his confident words, you were left unsure if you could believe him. 

 Or if your fractured heart could even try. 

Part 3