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As a plumber and a ghostbuster, Luigi is in the unique position of both putting the lou and ouija in Luigi! *cymbal sound effect* Thank you, I'll be here all week!/j

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So, as an adult Jack-Jack really just went "my family can handle the supervillains; Imma hunt ghosts!" huh?

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I have seen multiple people consider invisibility a mostly useless power, am I the only one using it to sneak up on telekinetic bears and pyro cougars to kill them before they kill me??? Like, this was a worthwhile power just to deal with the cougars, man!/hj It's also handy to get out of a hoard of censors in a pinch to find some more life!

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Monster High G1 Character Reimagining: Catrine de Mew

Generation One of Monster High had many characters, possibly too many. While it made for an incredible doll line, the sheer quantity meant that many characters didn't get much, if any, time in the spotlight. This has led me to wonder how some of the underutilized characters could have been handled in a more interesting way. Exhibit A: Catrine de Mew!

Catrine's animated debut was in Scaris: City of Frights and her first doll was released in the accompanying doll line alongside fellow Scaris newcomers Jinafire and Skelita. While Jinafire and Skelita have important roles in the movie, Catrine is more of a glorified background character. She only appears in a handful of scenes and only interacts with Frankie and Rochelle during a misunderstanding. She doesn't even show any interest in attending Monster High the way Jinafire and Skelita do. While she does get larger speaking parts in several webisodes, they are still very minor and don't flesh out her character much at all. The most we learn about her is from her profile and New Scaremester Agenda.

So, how would I make her a more fully realized character?

First, by aging her up a bit. As a Monster High student, she blends into the crowd too much. Aging her up to, say, her early twenties gives her more unique story opportunities, which I'll get into in a moment. Second, we're going to make her deaf. For those of you who don't know, real life kittens with white fur and blue eyes have a much higher chance of being born deaf than kittens with other color combinations. G1 doesn't have much in the way of disability representation, so Catrine feels like a bit of a missed opportunity. *bats eyelashes at G3 in the hopes that they'll rectify this* Third, we're going to give Catrine and Rochelle a more sister-like dynamic, as it's a little odd that the only two characters at Monster High from Scaris have so few interactions.

Now, what do we do with this new Catrine?

In her profile she mentions sketching portraits for tourists, so, this aged up Catrine will be a freelance artist. Garrot's diary mentions that Rochelle was a crossing guard when he met her (I know nothing about crossing guards, but it seems odd that a highschooler would be one? If it is strange we're just going to chalk it up to her being a gargoyle, since gargoyles seem to generally be very serious and occupy protective roles, maybe they take on these kinds of responsibilities younger?). We're going to say that Catrine frequented the area around where Rochelle worked. Rochelle is both observant and overprotective, meaning she was almost undoubtedly aware of Catrine being deaf. Maybe she took it upon herself to come to Catrine's aid once without being asked and overstepped. Afterwards Catrine sat her down and explained that she could have handled the situation herself and that, while Rochelle was well meaning, it wasn't her place to step in without asking. Rochelle was embarrassed, but Catrine assured her that she held no ill feelings. After this the two struck up a bit a friendship, spending so much time on this street corner together. This friendship probably lasted for a couple of years, with Catrine more or less becoming an honorary member of the Goyle family and something like a surrogate big sister to Rochelle.

Fast forward a bit, Catrine loves Scaris, but is longing to see more of the world, eventually deciding she wants to try something new by going to live in the states for a bit. Rochelle has been having similar thoughts of wanting to get out of her comfort zone, but hasn't fully made a decision yet. Catrine packs up and moves to the Scaremerican northwest. Rochelle, who currently attends Granite City High (where the crap is Granite City? Is it ever stated?) has considered transferring to Monster High. While Granite City competes in Skulltimate Roller Maze at the MH track Rochelle stays with Catrine at her new apartment near Salem and asks her thoughts. Catrine is supportive of the idea. While living in the area she's run across MH students and has more positive feelings towards them than the Granite City students. Believing Rochelle would be happier at MH, Catrine offers to let her live with her during the school year if she wanted and her family agreed. Rochelle's parents are more comfortable with the idea of Rochelle going to school in a different country if she's living with a trusted family friend and they agree. Rochelle officially transfers to Monster High before SKRM season is even over.

(Quick interlude here: In the Ghoulfriends book series Monster High has a dormitory for students who don't live near the school. In that series Rochelle, Robecca, and Venus share a dorm together. I'm ignoring the Ghoulfriends continuity in this reimagining because it directly contradicts the diaries continuity, which tends to lean closer to the animated series. In Catrine's New Scaremester Agenda it seems like she's living with Rochelle's family, but it's not elaborated on as to why the Goyle's are living in Salem in the first place, so I'm just reversing the roles for this reimagining so it's not Catrine living with Rochelle, it's Rochelle living with Catrine. It's just a little more streamlined this way!)

At this point Catrine's primary role is being a confidant to Rochelle. Rochelle didn't get many webisodes to herself or much spotlight in the movies outside of Scaris and Haunted, but in this theoretical timeline, maybe she got a little more. I always found it odd how little we saw of most of the characters families and home lives in G1, so maybe this can be the first step in changing that. In this AU there's at least one or two 2D backgrounds of Catrine's apartment that we see throughout the webisodes to help give us some more varied locals for scenes. Maybe we could have a webisode based on the Ghoul Chat 2 Pack? Catrine calls herself a purrfectionist in her profile, so maybe the premise of the webisode is Catrine wanting to throw a perfect slumber party for Rochelle and her friends, but things keep inevitably going wrong. The story could end with Catrine feeling like a failure, only for the ghouls to prove her wrong and drag her into the slumber party fun as well.

As of now, Catrine is still a very minor character, only having a supporting role in Rochelle-centric episodes, so, let's expand her role some!

At some point in the series, probably after Scaris: City of Frights where Catrine was maybe the ghoul's chaperone, the MH art teacher retires abruptly, leaving no one to teach the class. Bloodgood is desperate to fill the role quickly and Rochelle recommends Catrine to her. This webisode would probably end with seeing Catrine teaching her first ever class. From here Catrine starts having a lot more storytelling potential. As the art teacher she's no longer confined to Rochelle episodes and can become a supporting member of the cast for characters like Draculaura, Clawdeen, Skelita, Jinafire, and any other character in her class. And as the youngest member of the MH faculty, only a few years out of high school herself, she could potentially be a mediary between the teachers and students, helping the middle-aged teachers better understand their teenage students. And, to circle back around to Catrine being deaf for a second; I have complete faith that Bloodgood (cool woman that she is) knows sign language, but I would bet money that teachers like Mr. Rotter and Mr. Hack absolutely do not. We could maybe have a more serious webisode or two focusing on the MH students advocating for greater accessibility and accommodations for Catrine and every other differently abled teacher or student to come to Monster High.

So, those are my thoughts on how I would reimagine Catrine de Mew! What do you think? Are these ideas good? Terrible? Is there anything you would change? Be sure to share your thoughts and thank you so much for taking the time to read this!/gen

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Game Review and Discussion: Brothers: A Tale of Two Sons

Spoiler free review at the top for newcomers and more in-depth and spoilery discussions below for old-timers!

Spoiler-Free Review for Newcomers

Brothers: A Tale of Two Sons is an adventure game developed by Starbreeze Studios and published by 505 Games in 2013 for Xbox 360, Microsoft Windows, PlayStation 3, PlayStation 4, Xbox One, iOS, Android, Windows Phone, Nintendo Switch, and Amazon Luna. (Dude, I've never even heard of Amazon Luna, what the heck even is that?) A remake of the game was developed by Avantgarden and released in 2024 for PlayStation 5, Xbox Series X/S, and Windows in 2024. I have only played, and therefore am reviewing, the original, but the only sizable differences between the original and the remake are improved graphics and added co-op mode, so you can reasonably call this a review of both.

Some graphics comparisons:

Brothers: A Tale of Two Sons Remake - PS5/XSX/S Tech Review - UE5 Nanite/Lumen Come at a Heavy Cost Brothers: A Tale of Two Sons Remake - Official Graphics Comparison (2013 vs. 2024) Trailer

Story and Characters

The premise of the story is that the father of the titular Two Sons has fallen ill and now we, as the brothers, must go on a quest to retrieve the cure that will save his life. The story is completely without dialogue (that we can understand), with no written dialogue and characters speaking exclusively in a nonsense language akin to Simlish. (I admit to spending an embarrassing amount of time trying to figure out how to change the language settings on my first playthrough!) The story of the game doesn't suffer from lack of dialogue though and is conveyed very well through the character's actions and animations which, in the remake especially, are very expressive.

Gameplay

The main draw of the game is that you play as both brothers in tandem, controlling the older brother with the left analogue stick and trigger, and the younger brother with the right. This is honestly more intuitive than you might expect. My coordination is dreadful and I still managed to get through the whole game without much difficulty. Most puzzles and environmental challenges are fairly simple, with most of the challenge coming from having to play as both characters at once.

Rating and Trigger Warnings

The game is rated T for Teen for Violence, Blood, and Crude Humor.

Okay, there's a surprising amount to unpack here.

On screen suicide by a minor/background character.

Some very heartbreaking depictions of loss and grief. If you're not in an emotional place where you can deal with seeing a ten-ish-year-old child grieving loved ones, I highly recommend just walking away from this game.

Arachnophobia warning. We got a very big spider in one of the later levels and I rank it an Above Average on the disturbing scale!

Blood and Dead Bodies. Yep, we got both of those, in surprisingly substantial quantities! 

With as few spoilers as possible, in one of the later levels we have to cross the remains of a recently ended battle. The bodies of the fallen are everywhere and in several cases we have to move bodies out of the way to progress. The gore is very minimal with most of the injuries hidden from sight, but the remake does briefly show a vulture picking at a shallow flesh wound on one of the bodies, so, there's that. And there is a lot of blood. As in, rivers literally running red amounts of blood, and the brothers will have to cross said rivers and get covered in blood themselves. For most people with an average tolerance level this area will probably be fine, but if you're particularly sensitive, you would probably be better off skipping this game!

Oh, and there's also an attempted ritual sacrifice by a cult!/lh

The Problems

Playing the original on Steam, near the end of Chapter Two a cutscene doesn't trigger when it's supposed to, leaving an invisible barrier that was unpassable. The only way (that I found) to trigger the cutscene was to restart the chapter and play through the whole chapter again. The chapter is relatively short and not very difficult, so it can be replayed pretty quickly, but it's still annoying that replaying it was necessary.

Verdict

The game is quite short, only a few hours long, so the price might feel a little steep when not on sale, but overall if you want a game with some unique puzzles, nice atmosphere, and a tug-at-your-heartstrings story, I highly recommend Brothers: A Tale of Two Sons!

My Personal Thoughts (AKA Gushing, Gabbing, and Griping!)

Story and Worldbuilding

On the worldbuilding front, despite giving us very little detail, this game does a really good job of making us feel like there's a lot happening in this world beyond just the adventure we're on with the two brothers. With every area we travel through I kept finding myself asking questions like "Why is the troll lady locked up?", "Why were the giants fighting?", "What's the deal with the blood cult?", "What's with the invisible monster terrorizing this village?". It's really impressive that such a short and linear game is able to drive home the feeling of so many different stories unfolding all around you. It's surprisingly believable and a great backdrop to the brother's story.

The thing that's most striking about this game in my opinion is how much it feels like you're playing through a fairytale. It's not just the setting that evokes that feeling though. The story itself, these two brothers going on a harrowing quest to find a cure for their dying father, the fantasy setting and creatures, the lack of dialogue, the fact that the story doesn't have a "happy ending" exactly, I've never had a game capture the feeling of being told a story by the fire the way Brother: A Tale of Two Sons does.

Characters

To start, the troll couple are possibly the most helpful NPCs in video game history!

Characters in this game are a little odd to try to talk about since most of them are only there briefly and we don't learn any of their names definitively. The older brother's name seems to be Naiyaa and the younger brother Naiyee (Did I spell those right? Who knows!) but even those aren't concrete. Even without speaking, the brother's personalities shine through very clearly in their interactions with each other, other characters, and the environments.

Environments

Really freaking pretty! Even in the original they aged so well./gen Admittedly, most of the locations we journey through are fairly standard, but some, like the giants home, the giant battlefield, and the tree with the cure, feel really unique and interesting.

Soundtrack and Atmosphere

Brothers: A Tale of Two Sons Official Soundtrack

The soundtrack is composed by Gustaf Grefberg and holy cow is it atmospheric! It's so weighty and cinematic and adds a lot to the epic fairytale feel of the game.

Gameplay and Puzzles

The gameplay is quite basic outside of the gimmick of controlling both brothers at once, but that's okay!/gen If it was any more complex it would probably get real unwieldy, real fast.

Side note: Whoever decided that after Naiyaa's death, getting through the previously two-person puzzles would require the continued use of his trigger to get Naiyee to power through, they are EVIL./hj

Animations

A little basic, but serviceable in the original, and much more detailed and engaging in the remake. In addition to just the cutscenes and basic gameplay, there are a ton of little bonus animations that you can see when interacting with various objects and characters that add a lot of personality to the game. This especially fleshes out the brothers as they react in very different ways in each scenario.

Art Style

The characters in the original are a little rough, but the environments in both are absolutely *chefs kiss*!

Closing Thoughts

This game isn't one that I feel the need to return to as often as many others, but I still think it is a wonderfully well realized game!

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thank you Canada 🇨🇦

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*taps mic* Got three more for DNA testing!

*taps mic* I've decided they're all related by blood somehow.

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Don't do this! Don't make me feel sympathy for Dion Aquato, don't do it!

thinking abt the "dion isn't allowed to have problems" philosophy that he probably has internalized. first of all he's the oldest and has to be the most grown up and responsible all the time (like a third, more disappointed parent). secondly there are so many ways that his family can be disappointing (embarrassing debilitating family curse, psychic abilities, unnecessary rebellion) and who needs more of that added onto the pile? if raz and queepie and frazie just run all over the place, rampant crazy psychics representing the family, then somebody has to hold up the front of being sensible. and that comes at the sacrifice of any personal struggles. a fun third issue is always being there to back up donatella's opinions and needs. he has to be reliable all the time. and he's such a pet rock, painted up with the face than an aquato is 'supposed to wear', a face that he came up with himself, one that nobody really wears except for him come to think of it, a rock that if it were to move, the whole tower would surely come crumbling down. how long until he realizes that he's been able to move this whole time and he doesn't have to live his life crushed by the weight of playing sisyphus and the invisible stone

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Had never considered the parallels before, but DANG there are lot of them when you lay them out like that!

ok sorry that last post really got me thinking that hg wells warehouse 13 and agatha harkness are truly two bitches cut from the same cloth

hot

gay

murderer 🩷

old as hell

has a bitch so down bad for them, that they sacrifice their rigid morals/rules!!!

dead kid

and back to their love interests (to me!!!) very much in that endless cycle of “forever destined to meet a gunpoint” or like uh literal death in that they are fated to be enemies, but they love each other!!!!! and LIKE each other!!!

anyway it’s such a fun dynamic I love this specific character archetype that I guess exists, they are so special to me 🫶

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"A ship can never truly love an anchor." dude shut up. a ship without an anchor gets dashed against the rocks. it's useless, completely at the whim of the currents. a ship loves an anchor so much it carries it everywhere it goes. the anchor gives the ship the world to love. dude.

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I need this to be a whole series! Virals Road Trip, escape rooms and mysteries cross country, WHO'S WITH ME?!?!

i have this headcannon that the virals are obsessed with escape rooms. when one first opens up in Charleston they check it out and beat it in record time. they get their picture on the wall and everything. shelton always gets a little jumpy but he realizes this is one of the only ways tory and them can solve mysteries without committing any felonies so he's all in. he plans a summer road trip for them up and down the coast hitting all the escape rooms they can find. beating them all too. they become prolific, framed photos on every wall. they're so good they get a tiny article in the local newspaper and i autographs any copy he can find. and they've yet to find one they can't beat

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For context: Danny may of used his powers more than he meant to, causing Dash to suspect him of using steroids or other enhancements. Danny is very intelligent.

I loved this scene in Teen Wolf and thought it’d be something these two idiots would def say.

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That post I made about the dp bg inconsistency is making the rounds again, so I’m once again trying to conceptualize how I’d design it

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Here yall go my mer/siren danny design

The design might change in the future this was more so a go with the flow concept and I do like the way it turned out tho I wanted him to have a more siren/dangerous sharp look rather then flowy think of the show siren type look u know more of a natural predater

I'm a massive fan of atrieisan captivity and there design for mer danny on deviant art

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They're doing the Spider-Verse thing!!!/pos

how people with blue and green eyes be looking at each other

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The Gunk Review

Spoiler free review at the top for newcomers and my more in-depth thoughts below for those familiar with the game!

Spoiler-Free Review for Newcomers

The Gunk is indie action/adventure/3D platformer developed by Image and Form and published by Thunderful for Windows, Xbox One, and Xbox Series X and Series S in 2021.

Story and Characters

The Gunk sees you take control of Rani, an enthusiastic and adventurous space scavenger who, along with her partner, Becks, follows a mysterious energy spike to a seemingly deserted alien planet hoping for a big payout. Once they land, they discover the planet is abundant in natural resources, but is being corrupted and slowly killed by an invasive black substance Rani dubs "the Gunk". Rani, much to her partner's chagrin, takes it upon herself to find the source of the Gunk, purify the corrupted world, and discover the fates of the planet's inhabitants who seem to have disappeared long ago.

Gameplay

The Gunk is a fairly short, linear game that could be played in its entirety in a day or two, but is a pretty fun time./gen The main gameplay loop involves traveling through jungles, caves, and ruins, using Rani's mechanical arm to vacuum up Gunk and revive the planet's flora (which is satisfying as heck!), a bit of basic combat, and solving environmental puzzles. Most of the puzzles are simple and easy enough to figure out, but they aren't mind-numbing either. The main loop doesn't evolve much, but with the game's length, it will be over before you can truly get tired of it, and it is executed really well, feeling smooth and intuitive.

One thing that stood out to me while playing is that this would probably be a really good "baby's first platformer" because of its short length, simple controls and gameplay, and smooth handling. So, keep that in mind if you want to corrupt any friends or family and hook 'em on platformers!/lh

Rating and Trigger Warnings

The Gunk is rated T for Teen for violence, bad language, and blood.

Gonna be real for a sec, I'm not even sure what to mention in this category, The Gunk is a really "safe" game in my opinion.

I honestly don't remember any blood, so if it's there, I'm gonna say it's incredibly minor.

The violence is pretty mild in comparison to most video games.

The bad language is prevalent throughout the course of the game but is confined to the relatively tame end of the spectrum.

And that's it? If there are any major triggers, I don't know what they are, tongues, maybe? There's a type of fungus in the game that look like tongues and is a little gross. So, avoid the game if you have an extreme aversion to tongues or the word shit? That's all I got for ya!

Verdict

If you're looking for a challenging game, this ain't it, but if you're looking for a casual game with smooth controls, pretty environments, and a few unique mechanics it pulls off really well, this might be the game for you!

My Personal Thoughts (AKA Gushing, Gabbing, and Griping!)

Story and Worldbuilding

For as short as the game is, it does a really good job in these areas. I appreciate that you can scan all the flora, fauna, and mechanisms to learn their names and attributes and that this plays into upgrading equipment. It goes a long way to make this alien planet feel grounded. Honestly, I wish more games did this!

I like the story of the game, but kind of wish we saw more of it, both the story of the actual planet and the story of Rani and Becks. How they became partners, where Bunny and C-RT came from, what a normal day in their lives looks like when they aren't dealing with Gunk. Who really is the Gardener? Where did he come from? What's the origin of the geist?

Maybe the fact that I care enough to ask these questions at all is a sign that the worldbuilding does everything it's really supposed to!

Characters

Rani and Becks are a really likable duo and I honestly don't mind that they're really the only characters throughout most of the game. Rani's optimism, compassion, and sense of adventure bring a lot of heart to the game and Becks' practical outlook helps ground everything. Their back and forths over the comms also do a lot to liven up the exploration and really intensifies the feeling of isolation when the Gunk causes interference.

As much as I enjoy them though, I can acknowledge issues like queer-coding and Rani falling into the perfect prosthetic trope.

I'm more inclined to forgive this game's handling of Rani's prosthetic because it is easily one of the most creative and plot relevant uses of this trope I've seen, but leaving the specifics of Becks and Rani's relationship in a grey area doesn't benefit the game in any way. Either make them girlfriends or make them more explicitly platonic, pick one!

Environments

The environments are stunning and one of the highlights of the game in my opinion! The world feels so vibrant and alive, you end up wanting to stop the corruption just as much as Rani does!

It also reminds me of the planet Felucia from Star Wars, so that's cool!/gen

One thing I really appreciate about the environments in this game is how they manage to be so linear without feeling boxed in. I tend to obsessively try to explore every nook and cranny in games (that's part of the fun!) and am prone to feeling overwhelmed by big open worlds, so it's nice every once in a while to find a game that's really efficient to explore. It's nice that there are so few branching paths and that the optional paths tend loop back around on their own without making you backtrack. The exploration feels very streamlined and is honestly refreshing to see occasionally./gen

I also really like the difference in how the areas look when they're corrupted versus purified. Sucking up all the Gunk and restoring life to the flora is so satisfying, even late into the game and is actually the reason I bought the Gunk in the first place. One of my favorite games of recent years, Kena: Bridge of Spirits has a similar mechanic of having to clear corruption from nature and I found that so rewarding that when I saw that there was another game focused around that concept, I just had to play it!

Soundtrack and Atmosphere

The Gunk (Original Game Soundtrack)

The Gunk's soundtrack is beautiful./gen There is one complaint that I have though, there are no happy tracks.  All the tracks are really pretty, but they all sound sad or bittersweet, maybe nostalgic, and I just wish there were a few lighter, more whimsical tracks thrown in to break it up some. Don't get me wrong, this is PERFECT for most of the environments in the game! We're exploring the remnants of an abandoned civilization on a dying world and the soundtrack conveys that melancholy incredibly well, but it's just a little out of place at the beginning of the game.

Rani's enthusiasm for this beautiful, lush new world in the start is palpable, but the soundtrack just doesn't really capture that. It feels especially odd at the campsite with Becks and Bunny and the immediate surrounding area where there are no signs this planet was even inhabited once.  Rani is such a vibrant, free spirit and is so excited to explore, I just think there should have been a few tracks early on that matched her whimsy and sense of wonder.

Gameplay and Puzzles

*slurping noises intensify*

Animations

Definitely not the highlight of the game, but also not the worst I've ever seen! Mostly they feel like they're from a much older game, maybe from the Wii era.

Art Style

I really love the art style for the environments, all of which are absolutely gorgeous, and honestly don't mind it for the characters either. Some people think the characters look weird or uncanny, which is valid, but I honestly find them kind of endearing. They remind me a bit of the character designs from Scooby-Doo! First Frights and Spooky Swamp, which look terrible, but are also very nostalgic!/lh

Closing Thoughts

I don't think The Gunk is a masterpiece by any means, but honestly, it's a cute game and deserves more love than I think it gets!

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Monster High G1 and G3 Analysis: Heath Burns Problems and Fixes

Heath has been one of the oddest characters in the Monster High roster since the beginning and I want to talk about why I think that is and what I would have done to fix it.

So, let's start with Generation One:

The first weird thing about Heath is his design and how (ironically) underbaked it feels. His design feels much more in line with the backgrounders than the main cast. I have no proof of this, but I suspect he wasn't originally intended to be a real character, like there were just a few times early in the cartoon that a speaking part was needed and it was randomly assigned to Fire Boy™️. I think they assigned Heath a speaking part once or twice and then got in the habit of giving all the oddball bit parts to him until he was accidentally bit-parted into becoming an actual member of the cast.

There's nothing wrong with an incidental character naturally developing into a more substantial role, honestly, that's a really cool thing to happen! The only problem is that Monster High is known for consistently creating interesting and unique designs, a standard that Heath simply doesn't live up to. He feels unintentional. Ideally, he probably should have gotten the Iris treatment, receiving a more detailed redesign once the Monster High team realized he would be sticking around, but sadly, that didn't happen.

Now, for the second part of the Heath problem; his monster type.

Heath is a fire elemental. This is an oddly abstract type of monster in comparison to the werewolves, vampires, mummies, ghosts, etc, that comprise most of the cast. Again, this makes Heath feel more like a backgrounder, since most of the backgrounders are less clearly defined types of monsters, ala teen Voldemort and fish-head (if you know, you know). I'm not saying there aren't any other abstract types of monsters in the cast. Operetta and Jane Boolittle are good examples, but most of the time even if their monster type is debatable, they at least have well-known parents. Again, Heath doesn't. Someone who's never watched the show would probably be scratching their head at why the son of a fire elemental is on the same shelf as the children of iconic monsters like Dracula, Frankenstein's Monster, and Medusa.

So, now that we've gone through some of the biggest problems with G1 Heath, how do we fix it?

Glad you asked! We make him a phoenix!

Hear me out!

Phoenixes are some of the most iconic, widely known mythical creatures in history, fixing the abstract monster issue, and allowing everything that makes Heath Heath to stay intact. His name, fire powers, and seemingly endless slew of fire-based puns would all be completely unaffected by this change! It would also open the door for a much more detailed design! He could have feather details in his body sculpt similar to characters with scales like Jinafire and Viperine, his hair could be the same color and style but made to look like feathers instead of hair, he could have wings (can you imagine the chaos of Heath with wings!?!), and his lower legs and feet could be scaly and taloned like a birds. This would also add more imagery to draw from when designing his clothes and accessories such as feathers, talons, and birds in general.

(Fun aside I just thought of while writing this: phoenixes don't die permanently, they just reincarnate. Between clumsiness and overwhelming need to touch everything that he's told not to touch it's a miracle Heath's still alive. If he was a phoenix, he could just full on die every time he does something stupid and rematerialize, good as new a few seconds later and shout "I'M OKAY!". Him dying and it not sticking could be an entire running joke in the series, he could be like a sanitized version of Kieffer from Tales from the Gas Station (if anyone here gets that reference)! He could be THE canary in the coal mine character!

Someone: "Do we think those lasers are deadly?" Heath: "Let's find out!" *charges in, gets vaporized, (insert Jumanji respawn sound). Heath, happy as a clam: "Yes they are!"

Is this thought funny or morbid? I can't tell the difference anymore!/lh)

To summarize my G1 thoughts: Heath should have been a phoenix, that would fix everything, case closed, thank you for reading!

Now, onto G3!

Design-wise he suffers most of the same problems as G1, but I'm more interested in talking about his family situation.

I really like the storyline with Heath and his dad in the Nickelodeon series, but, as many others have pointed out, his dad is two different characters at once. Heath's dad, referred to as Hades, is an amalgamation of, well, Hades, the Greek god of the Underworld, and the Christian Devil. The Hades/Devil, Underworld/Hell conflation is common, notably in Disney's Hercules and the original Percy Jackson and the Olympians movie adaptation and honestly could be its own post. How does this conflation manifest in Monster High though?

Hades is the CEO of the Underworld and mentions being eaten by his father, Cronus. All of this aligns with Greek mythology. However, he also has fire powers and motifs (traditionally associated with the devil, not Hades), has been called the devil by Frankie and attributed with the creation of many of the world's evils (such as pimples and 24-hour news channels), and has made a point to Heath to always practice his fiddle, which is a reference to the song The Devil Went Down to Georgia. (I was not expecting that joke in Monster High and admit to laughing a little too hard at it!/gen)

Heath's scaritage in G3 is a bit of a mess, so here's what I would have done instead!

I would have made Heath's dad be Hephaestus!

Once again, hear me out!

Hephaestus is the Greek god of fire, volcanoes, and all things craftsmanship (blacksmithing, carpentry, stonemasonry, etc) and I think he would be a perfect stand-in for Hades in G3! Him having fire powers and a fire elemental son would be more logical, and Heath's main storyline could play out largely the same as it does in canon, if not make even more sense.

Let's play with the possible scenarios!

Hephaestus is an inventor, and probably a shut in. Heath can easily feel neglected by his dad who spends all of his time tinkering away in his workshop. Hephaestus is the owner of (we'll say) Vulcan Inc, the company that mass produces his inventions, but he's not very interested in the business side of things, so he delegates all of that to the CEO, a greedy businessman character more like Hades in canon. The CEO will do anything for a profit and cuts corners any chance he gets, including choosing harmful and unsustainable means of production and ensuring Vulcan Inc products are made from the cheapest materials available, meaning they break easily and need to be replaced often.

Heath, being an environmentalist and having a strong understanding of the negative impact of corporations on the planet, is disgusted by the CEO's business practices and is desperate to get his dad to fire him. Firing the CEO however would mean Hephaestus would have to take responsibility for his own company, which would mean less time to invent. Hephaestus has never really heard out Heath's concerns and generally thinks his son is catastrophizing. Over the course of the series though, Hephaestus will be forced to see firsthand the damage being caused by Vulcan Inc and realize that Heath is right. This will end in the CEO being fired and Hephaestus vowing to be more conscientious about how his inventions impact the world and even being more open to listening to Heath's ideas on how to make more eco-friendly products.

So, those are my thoughts and fixes for the biggest problems with Heath Burns in G1 and G3. I hope you enjoyed reading them and will share your thoughts!/gen Thanks for making it this far!