#truly i hate you /j
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twompcord is ruining me rn
@alistair-bloom ur gonna be charged for identity theft
#twompcord#the world of mr plant#twomp#twomrp#ashur gharavi#truly i hate you /j#giving me a heart attack like that
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I decided to start talking about Wick and Rocky's relationship because I like their dynamics too, I like seeing Wick scared of Rocky and Rocky being aggressive with him, which is unusual because Rocky is rarely aggressive with anyone, but of course Wick is an exception to rule
Also my mini opinion about their possible relationship, I think that if Rocky didn't have to fight for his place, then he and Wick could become friends, or at least tolerate each other a little, I also see some superficial similarities, their gentlemanly and romantic natures, and their common love for explosions (remembering the quarrymen chapter), but this is my assumption, I think that I don't understand the characters' personalities well, so I can be wrong in this assumption, something like that. So, what do you think about their relationship?
for starters, i cannot thank you enough for this ask! as iāve said previously, i have many thoughts on these two, so itās nice to finally be able to share some of them. although given the extent to which i think about them, i apologize in advance if this is sloppy and sort of everywhere ā¦ while iāll try to structure things the best i can, i cannot promise iāll succeed! but hopefully this is an enjoyable reply nonetheless.
one of my favorite things about rocky and wickās relationship is absolutely how aggressive rocky is towards the aristocrat ; he is prone to glares and cruel jokes and borderline hissing whenever the man is within his line of sight, or can be brought to a wailing-fit over the mere mention of his name from miss mās mouth. there is a childishness to it, but a very prominent threat as well in spite of rockyās usual incompetence. so he goes out of his way to posture around wick, readily lying and adorning himself with the gangster drapes he so badly wants to wear, in the hopes that it intimidates ā¦ will even badmouth wickās family and make fun of his name and rock related obsession to mitzi, and so on so forth! yet all of this is very reminiscent of schoolyard bullying rather than anything too severe, though we as the audience understand rather quickly that rocky would bash wickās head in with a tire iron if he could. ( translation : if it wouldnāt earn the tears or hate of a certain beloved mitzi may ) and itās all very intense despite the absence of actual violence! and i understand why many fans see this as unusual for rocky and believe that itās only wick who makes him act so aggressively, but iād argue it isnāt really wick at all that prompts such scary reactions from him ā¦ and that rocky is a deeply angry character whoās a.) been boiling quietly for a long, long time and b.) has turned wick into a punching bag of sorts for this inner world of resentment and hurt. basically, when heās judging the well-to-do or poking fun, his eyes donāt look at wick and actually acknowledge him as sedgewick sable ; instead this is a being, something vague and metaphorical, who threatens to upseat rockyās permanence in the lackadaisy and steal away his savior, and heās had a hand in the violinistās misfortune for a long time.
obviously, rocky doesnāt think wick robbed him of his family twice over and made him homeless, but he is channeling the fear and anguish of those events into his loathing for wick, if that makes sense? itās easier that way -- to finally have an outlet for everything bleeding inside of you, to be able to bite and claw at something without feeling conflicted or having to take personal accountability for your own mistakes ā¦ which is something that i think rocky does struggle with to a degree. he is sort of a finger pointer! his pain has to be worth something, it has to be for someone else ; spending years homeless and losing his last bit of family was for freckle, and the scrambling of his literal brain was for mitzi, and that means he canāt ever be angry with them! well, except that he is, somewhat, but he buries it deep down instead of feeling it. with freckle there is a sense of strain between them -- an air of āyou owe meā from rocky to freckle as he uses freckle to appease miss m, and he constantly pokes fun at his cousin too. itās lighter than his jabs at wick, but thereās a constant pestering, a reminder of how good freckle has it : how heās got the mom and the house and the job and the girl most notably. i donāt think rocky is intending to come across as mean, and to his credit he hardly does! but itās rather clear to me that some part of him, some hidden and deeply hurt part, is rather indignant about taking the fall for freckle all those years ago. which he canāt understand, because how could he? he made that choice, he decided to take accountability for something he didnāt do because he loves freckle and knows itād be so easy to believe this family tragedy was roarkās fault ; the devilish child he was, all troublesome and too broken to properly fit anywhere. so there is a disconnect born here, where rocky canāt comprehend that heād be angry at freckle, so instead these not so great feelings are placed elsewhere and silently boil over time. and with mitzi ā¦ i donāt think heās angry at her per se, but there is a frustrated and desperate chorus of : why him and why not me, when iām the one out here dying for you? which is certainly unpleasant. of course, rather than allowing those feelings to be more aimed at miss m, whom he feels unloved by, he ( again! ) represses these emotions and allows them to fester into his greatest fears and fantastical complexes. i think there is a lot of other miscellaneous anger he could have towards others too ā¦ perhaps some part of him is sore upon seeing ivyās normal lifestyle, watching her go to university and knowing thatās been taken from him. or an ache felt when hearing stories from zib and the band and how they used to travel successfully, living as nomads, and rocky is all too reminded of his similar lifestyle and how he couldnāt make it work as effortlessly. people with immense trauma are more prone to irrational anger and jealousy, to viewing everything around them as unfair and believing itās even more unjust that so many people get to live comfortably while theyāve suffered. a situation that gets more messy when youāre someone like rocky, a man whoās willingly made choices that have harmed himself and wants to continue on with his smiling, bumbling fool of an act. he does not want to be angry, does not want to see it within himself, i think, which leads to an accidental increase of it.
all of this is to reiterate that wick is a scapegoat for rocky and nothing more. itās why heās rather hypocritical whenever it concerns the man. for example, it was stated by tracy that he looks down upon wick for his excessive presence at the bar, yet he appears to enjoy hanging out with zib -- who drinks just as often! he makes fun of how all wick ever talks about is rocks, when he himself is prone to poetry rambles that people find irritating or boring, and etc etc. this is also just a human nature thing, to critique someone you heavily dislike and even going as far as to belittle things you love or do in your own day to day because you just hate them that bad! but given rockyās willingness to befriend anyone, it more so reeks of a dehumanization element. wick is every obstacle in his way, every divine force that threatens to send him packing again, so he is equal parts unnerved by wickās presence and angry about it. it is mostly a fear response we are seeing, an emotion thatās morphed into long held resentment and anger. so his actions are extremely defensive, with him trying to push wick far away and keep him and mitzi separate, like some sort of animal attempting to ward off a threat thatās come too close to their home. despite the loaded animosity there, this hate has hardly reached its peak ā¦ but it shall only grow more intense as things continue onward iām afraid, since as it stands ( in the comic at least ) rocky is at an all time low ā¦ and is ten times more desperate. iād honestly say wick has become so warped in his mindās eye that he can only strive towards āwinningā over the other man, because thatās all he can see anymore. i think mitzi implying that wick willingly helped her out, the intense head injury, and rockyās fragile emotional state is exactly what pushes him towards premeditated murder in look-see. i donāt know how people perceive that arc, but to me itās very clear that rocky actively sought to see the deaths of wes and fish that night. going as far as to lament that heād be, āvery disappointed if ( he ) dreamed them,ā and purposefully luring the marigold duo away to have freckle pick them off. while you could argue that this was a smart move, in a gangster sort of sense, thereās still no denying that rocky is oddly chipper about the whole thing and is now seeking death out ; whereas before his methods of vengeance were just, well, ruining peopleās livelihood but ultimately leaving them alive. this isnāt to discredit the fact that rocky is going through something! he is in a very muddled and dark place, mentally and physically, but even tracy has said that the head injury hasnāt changed rockyās personality -- itās only brought things to the surface.
source : q&a with tracy .
which, yeah! makes sense! head trauma can cause a person to become a wreck emotionally ( think mood swings, irritability, etc ) but it doesnāt completely morph someone either. personality changes may occur, but itās not like youāre being rewritten entirely, you know? and given tracyās old statement, itās clear that āpersonality changesā arenāt a side effect heās suffering from. something that adds to my beginning statement, which is that rocky is a deeply angry and troubled person, more so than fans give him any credit for.
however, to touch upon your mini opinion about these two, i actually wholeheartedly agree that rocky and wick could become friends if circumstances were different. they do in fact have many superficial similarities, but one of the more prominent things they deeply share is never really belonging in the groups they frequent. this is more overt with rockyās character, yet wick faces it too in subtle ways. the well-to-do crowd, seen through the investors, find the gentleman to be lacking in about every place imaginable ; to them he is an obsessive freak who cares too deeply for meager rocks, something they constantly mock him for, while heās also being noticeably set apart from the rest of them ā¦ he seems younger than the investors, more excitable, passionate, and a little less experienced, and doesnāt seem to care for money or reputation as much as them either. there is a constant rubbing between him and them, where what he enjoys is seen as wrong, such as his love for the lackadaisy and his choice in paramor, a grieving widow with extremely dangerous ties. we also know that wick doesnāt have many friends at all, with the only two he has being lacy and church ( church is listed as such on his character profile, in a sort of tongue-in-cheek way ), both of whom work for or with him. they are obliged to hang around, and while they care in varying ways, they are prone to judging him just as much. honestly, itās not shocking that wick seeks refuge at his chosen speakeasy! but even there he is rather distant from everyone else. he doesnāt speak to zib ever in the comics, nor seems all too close with viktor, ivy, or horatio ā¦ it is merely mitzi he is close to, even if he knows of the other people who work there. and, once again, wick very obviously doesnāt fit in. he is not gangster material, could never be an atlas may replacement, much less someone who could get his paws dirty in such an active way. so he has his feet in two different worlds and doesnāt know how to fit into either of them, or which one he actually wants to fit into more. i think in many ways rocky could relate -- these are two very lonely people who wish to belong somewhere and be accepted by some group or another but go about it in all the wrong ways. wick, who is too hesitant to fully commit to what he wants and is worse off for it, and then rocky, who obsessively throws himself against what he wants until he breaks every bone in his body. they also have explosives to bond over, lol, and other miscellaneous things like their taste in women i suppose ā¦ but this potential bond adds to the tragedy of lackadaisy, where we see two people who on every level should get along but weāre burdened with the knowledge that itās an impossibility anyway, because thereās no removing the circumstance of which theyāre in.
though i like to believe that despite wickās fear of rocky, he maintains a kindness towards him regardless. i think his worries about rocky are rather surface level ā¦ he doesnāt know the boy at all, really, and thus canāt make heads or tails of him, hence him believing the lie in balderdash. so when iām feeling particularly self indulgent, i like imagining a world where theyāre forced together and sort of āstuckā together ; to which rocky finally breaks and exposes his wounds to wick, in every sense of the word, and wick finally gets him. the aggression, the possessiveness of mitzi ā¦ it is all fear and desperation and a profound sadness, things heād sympathize with. if rocky was able to explain that he loathes wick because if he saves the lackadaisy then mitzi wonāt need him anymore and that itās not fair that wick gets to so easily fix things when rocky would give his soul for his home, for her, and how wick could render every sacrifice heās already made for naught by smoothing things over with some greenbacks and he canāt lose this, he just canāt --! ā¦ which, well, wick is too kind of a man to be able to do anything except feel awful, even though itās not his fault at all. here we have two people who could coexist! and they should, since rocky logically canāt do every speakeasy job ( band member, rumrunner, mitziās shadow, also the guy who gets the money for the hooch ) by himself, just like how wick canāt save the lackadaisy with only his cash and limited booze stash. itād be a joint cooperation, a collaboration between them, both equally important in the grand scheme of crimeās every turning wheel ā¦ but rockyās rage and fear wonāt let him see that, and likely never will. still, in scenarios where everything ends up alright for the lackadaisy and the people involved in it ( which is not how canon will go, by the way ), i fancy wick and rocky getting better within their relationship. rocky will always be prickly and quick to upset around the other man sadly, but perhaps he could see wick in a softer kind of light. or at least understand vaguely enough that he isnāt out to get rocky, so to speak. and then maybe wick learns that pancakes soothe rockyās ire and poorly makes them anytime he wishes to talk to the man, and other fun things like that! but you should have more confidence in your character analysis skills, because you were spot on ( at least in my eyes ) about them potentially getting along if things were different. itās certainly a fun aspect to play around with, and is important to note when discussing their relationship so you can fully understand just how warped rockyās perspective on things are. and how unstable and traumatized he is too, of course </3 sidenote, but i also hope that throughout everything iāve said here, or anything iāve said before on my blog, that my love for rocky and my own sympathy for him comes across well enough. while heās deeply flawed and i have no qualms discussing said flaws in depth, i also donāt think of him as some insane freak whoās evil at his core or anything like that. honestly, i adore analyzing him so much as a character because of how far down his issues go! heās very well written, iāll say, as is wick and many of the other characters, but i digress.
once more, thank you for the ask! iāll end this here because i fear if i donāt iāll start going in circles, since their relationship is so vast and very important for rocky in a character sense. hopefully i shed some more light on it though! i love these two to bits and pieces and i wouldnāt be half as invested in lackadaisy if their dynamic wasnāt so monumental -- at least to me.
#my asks.#lackadaisy analysis.#lackadaisy#rocky rickaby#sedgewick sable#tracy j butler#i also think rockyās sudden taste for marigold blood is him making marigold his other scapegoat#he isnāt dealing with anything in a healthy manner and is so traumatized itās starting to spill out of him ā¦ which is. uh. not good!!#but it sure is whatās currently happening regardless#cannot stress enough that rock is a very ill and traumatized individual who hasnāt had a single break in his life#he is constantly in stressful situations that are dangerous ā¦ and like.#when youāre constantly put in those situations you become numb. and angry. and it becomes hard to heal#or to truly connect to others ā¦ etc#i could talk in depth about rockyās traumas and why theyāve caused this anger issue and this inner disharmony inside#because frankly thereās a lot there! and i hate to say it but people who are hurt normally show their hurt in ugly ways#especially if mentally ill ā¦ which rocky is imo#itās just the reality of things! this isnāt me demonizing mental illness or the effects of trauma. iām just being realistic here#someone as deeply troubled as rocky ( someone with NO outlet and whom hides his feelings from others and himself )#is bound to be. well. troubled!! his smiling facade is merely another mask he wears to cope and to be good for the people he loves#it is not ā¦ really rocky rickaby ā¦ rocky rickaby is that and the wrath and the self destruction and more#AHEM but i digress. how rocky treats wick and all that has really done wonders for understanding his character#and i truly love the wick / rocky / mitzi trio so bad. their relationships with each other is what drew me into this world#like. i am shaking them so much. the overlap!! the complexities inherit in their bonds and what that says about the individual characters!#itās amazing truly lol like ā¦ i have had such fun thinking about them twenty four seven for the past three-ish months#anyway. anyway! i love analyzing these bitches. they can fit so much into them#and iām rooting for wickmitzi endgame and for wick to desperately try to bond with rocky ā¦ while his bloodshot eye is twitching as we speak#lots of fun!!! lots of pain and agony too ā¦ rocky is nothing but a painful character alas. that is his nature. but that is also his appeal#and ooops iāll shut up in the tags now i just. have a lot to say. and a lotta love to give to these two!! but uh. yeah <3 loved writing thi
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If you want to be bothered. Maybe this for dick and Bruce???
i ALWAYS want to be bothered these are always the highlight of my day tbh you're a delight for letting me just yap <3
Dick. For the canon isn't real square I am Specifically talking about the Tom Taylor Nightwing run. Usually I ignore bad runs but given this one is ongoing (though about to end THANK GOD and get replaced by Dan Watters who i have high hopes for since i adored his Sword of Azrael (2022) run but i digress) so I counted it. Especially since it's so debated if that run is bad or not, for some reason. I'm a 90s Nightwing truther. I love Dick so dearly and tbh recently I've been more enamored with him the more I read his Discowing era, I didn't used to be as big of a Dick stan as I am these days.
Bruce. Honestly where do you even start with Bruce. I want to fist fight him and also patch him up. He got me into comics and superheroes as a whole but I roll my eyes whenever he shows up in a story. He's a bastard and usually not a good father but also complex and should be dissected under a magnifying glass. I love him dearly. He's also just the worst. I think that's why I love him. I'm always a fan of unabashedly Complicated Asshole Bruce who's generally not always the best person, particularly not to the Batfamily and that being the driving force of his relationships with them, especially in shipping.
And for bonus points, Tim. Because know above all else, I'm a Tim Drake kinnie /deg. He's been my number one for a decade and I've yet to uproot him from my brain. He's literally the Worst half the time and I love him for it. And the canon isn't real refers to Tim Drake: Robin because... that sure was a comic. And that's about all I can say about it. Pre-Flashpoint Tim I miss you so dearly. I think it's fun that I want to put him in a blender and drink the juice but also want Nothing Ever to happen to him.
#necrotic answerings#batcest#bruce wayne#dick grayson#tim drake#fandom tag#anyway the fandom is i guess mean to all of them#but like it's deserving.#everytime i meet a tim anti i'm like you're SO right. he's the worst. pls hate his ass more.#same with bruce. like never met a bruce anti who didn't have endless receipts for hating his ass.#(except for those using the shallow 'he's a billionaire beating up the mentally ill' argument which. i ignore)#(bc why are you. consuming superhero content if you just don't like or understand the genre. it's lazy pseudointellectual nonsense.)#and i don't think ppl are truly mean to dick. i think they just don't understand him.#which extends to the entire batfamily bc well. the state of the fandom and all.#like āeveryone else is wrong about themā isn't in a āno one gets them but meā way#(except about tim truly no one gets him but me /j)#it's in a āoh y'all just want to fit them into neat boxes don't youā way#one more person call dick grayson āeldest daughter coreā and i'm going to your house and eating the stuffing out all of your pillows.#first of all can we stop calling male characters āfemale codedā in any way please#women exist in comics too.#second of all it's just not true? and it's not the complex he has with bruce nor his āsiblingsā if you wish to call them that#and then bruce. where do you even start.#you dare say you think it's in character for bruce to hit his kids and *SOCIETY. society goes wild.*#like ofc it has to be in specific contexts. he's not just swinging.#and sometimes it *is* written very OOC bc bruce is written as a machismo self insert i give you that#but yeah a soldier who views his children as soldiers and has zero healthy emotional regulation or communication skills#is gonna sometimes swing in his worst moments. it is just how the superhero genre works everyone is gonna fist fight to solve problems.#why are you reading comics about ppl who hit other ppl for a living if you don't like it when they hit ppl.#also random hot take about dick's characterization#the young justice tv show did incredible damage to ppl's perception of him and i dislike the take it's the best adaptation of him
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#battle fever j#the fucking thud as he hits the ground i hate this show so much#i had to pause and make lunch to stop laughing#i have forgiven them for everything that happened last episode#battle japan is the best guy to ever do anything#truly a peak red i love him so so much#this scene is on par with the tsurugi helicopter and sasuke bridge dummies#thank you super sentai#thank you tokusatsu#'79 world tour
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It's hard being someone who does genuinely get infuriated with Ford's actions and acknowledges a lot of his flaws and the people he hurt, while also liking (and relating) to his character enough that I would like him to have nice things sometimes and don't believe he's satan
#hes not my favorite guy#but i keep having to defend him because every time people talk about him its like āYEAH HES A SHITBAG WHO WANTS TO WATCH HIS BROTHER DIEā#āHED PROBABLY LAUGH IN HIS FACE WHILE HE GETS MAULED BY TIGERSā#when i was reading the fanfic O Brother I too thought he was being overly cruel to poor Stanley (in a way that made sense not an ooc way)#but then he like found out the deity that was his entire life was lying to him and that he hurt people#and that he no longer can SLEEP because hell hurt people again#and he has to figure out the impossible answer of what to do while everyone is upset and untrusting of him#and his best and only friend barely can LOOK at him#and all the comments are like āYEAH THIS IS WHAT HE DESERVES!!! FUCK YOU STANFORDā#meanwhile im over here like āoh my god thats so fucking awful!!! i feel so bad!!!ā#like he genuinely has NO ONE right then thats fucking awful#its Jonathan Sims all over again except even the AUDIENCE hates him and like?????? please hes just misguided he does NOT deserve this#stanford pines#ford pines#gravity falls#again let me clarify HES NOT EVEN MY FAVORITE GUY#i obsess over him occasionally but im a Stanley defender through and through AND YET#i keep having to say āguys. hes not as bad as you guys think. and Stan isn't as GOOD as you guys think. GUYS. PLEASE.ā#it truly is interesting how different focuses on characters influence the audiences perspective of them SO MUCH#because ngl remember how i mentioned J Sims?#i really feel like Jon and Ford are similar#meddled with deities they didnāt understand. had paranoid tendencies. isolated themselves often. had selfish tendencies.#often rude and abrasive but also had a heart#and again the audience LOVES Jon and hates characters for disliking him#but this audience (which probably is the same people too lol) hate Ford and feel vindicated when characters dislike him
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cant describe how nice it feels 2 see canon!vash again after bejng surrounded by fanon for days. its like waking uo from a nightmare . trimax vash my fresh glass of water
#went back to some random chapter in the manga n i love him so much#everytnjng ab him jn trimax is just so wholly n truly him.#i dont necessarily hate fanon for fanonsake per say#but i saw a rb today thats said smt smt like : i prefer when people stay true to canon content#and work around that and its limitations bc its so interesting to see the story As it exists ans how you can interact w all of its poeces#pieces* as opposed to reimagining smth so completely that you inevitably change core components of Who characters are or why they are that w#way#so idont mean for this to sound like . boo fanon blows bc i definitely pick and choose things ab my fav charas all the time#but trimax vash is jst The perfect iteration of him in my mind. the og . the blueprint . my 1 and only#trigun#vash#trigun maximum#like yk when you havent read the source material in a while#and u only rly see like . other ppls interpretations of ur fav chara#its like a mountain of minute differences that gradually water them down#and ur like hmm maybe im like indifferent ab them.and then u go back to the source n its like nonavtually they r my everytbing j still love#them . heart emoji. v . ā¤ļø
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Gonna start writing x reader fanfics for this fandom because somebody has to
#/j but it makes me giggle#I used to hate them SO MUCH I thought they were SO CRINGE#but I truly admire the grind now#I wonāt write one but#yk#x willy fic WHEN??#you x glenn close but itās just him traumadumpinh#increidble#dndads#dungeons and daddies#I mean this with so much love
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btw controversial but fuckk ptsd dude yohre telling me judt bc my parents shouldnt ever have been parents now i have to be fucked up for the rest of my life .
#i know like..coping mechanisms and ris8ng above and learning to live with it but like its fucking stupid and unfair bc im never gonna stop#having ptsd yk. my episodes might get less frequent i might build happier memories but jm always gonna have these memory blocks and trigger#s and nightmares like. forever. im never gonna get to have had a normal childhood thats the most fuckedbup thing ever#like ik this is whiny but like. why. why me what did i do to deserve that childhood. not that any kid deserves abusive childhoods obviously#it sounds like im like ermmm there r wayyy worse kids who shouldve been the ones to go to the zoo š but like ykwim. why does#thus have to happen to so many ppl i hate it i hate it. i wish i could just Actually forget everything instead of just like. not rly#remembering it but Knowing it..yk. i know everything that happened to me even if its all blocked out#and i still feel like. the effects of it even the stuff thats jncredibly hazy to me. and jm never not gojng to feel that. my personality hs#literally been fucking shaped by the childhood i have and like. yes you can 'change' your personality a bit and your choices blah blah blah#but like. even with that. im still always gonna be like. my first impulse will always be distrust and doubt and fear. even if i train#myself not to Act on those emotions i still will always feel them. im always going to expect people to leave even if they dont even if i#dont let myself push them away its something im always going to be terrified of in the back of my mind. im never gojng to have#proper social skills bc i fully missed out on that stage of development im never going to be like. at the same level as my peers bc i#missed out on those skills. sigh. ik ik ik feeljng inhuman and feeljng different from everybody else is a jniversal thing but i truly think#im like. im missing something that everybody else seems to have and i dont even know what it is but i know i dont have it and everyone#can tell j dont have it and it fucking. sucks . basically
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life would truly be one of the most magnificent experiences if I could just smell the smell of roses all the time. I've grown to be OBSESSED with the smell, after performing for so long, because it's the flower everyone gives an actor, but I've always had an odd little collection to them. They were my grandmother's favorite, before she passed, and I don't think there's ever been a time where I didn't think of her when I thought of roses. The smell reminds me of everything good in life. man I love roses.
#today was a very weird day for me emotionally#saw some old friends (who i am convinced truly hate every fibre of my being and yet i still hopelessly idealize them)#did a show#had to go home and do homework š#still have math homework to do#did amazing on some tests#got my script rejected#etc. etc.#so it's just been a very weird day emotions wise. 5.5/10#however I would not like to do it again.#Rose (the human) if you see this u also smell good. sometimes... š¬#SLASH J SLASH J#gonna go watch bones and do math homework byee
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god i hate when ppl call bad writing āwriting mistakesā like itās not an oopsie it just sucks. idk how to explain it i just think āmistakeā has connotations that donāt really feel right for talking about something like writing a story??? like something can have absolutely terrible plot or characterization and i still wouldnāt call it āwrongā or āincorrectā just like. bad.
or to put it more simply. it has lily orchard vibes. you know.
#like. the authoritative attitude#anyway iām still thinking of this tiktok j saw about merlin being bad#and truly no hate to the person who made it theyāre RIGHT merlin is not good!!!!#and i do not think they are similar to lily orchard#i only watched it bc they were like ādespite what you may think merlin is badā and i was like i thought we all knew that#anyway. i just canāt get over using the phrase ābasic writing mistakesā#and then talking about them sending morgana away to turn evil beteeen seasons like#thatās not a āmistakeā they didnāt trip and fall into that or misunderstand the strict not allowed to be broken ever rules of writing#they just sucked at their jobs#r.txt
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.
#that poll#someone in the tags saying if taylor wins youāre racist and theyāre blowing this whole place up#or that theyāll **** themselves#apparently slash j#etc etc thereās so much happening#but like#truly no one can be normal about her iām done#iād rather she just lose atp cause this will happen in all the other brackets too lmfao and i hate it#i know itās nbd and itās just a poll on tumblr dot com but iām tired lol#people who hate just go into a blind rage and start foaming at the mouth just to tell you how sheās the devil#itās exhausting
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Kind of too real to be honest but I've had a rough 2 weeks
Can I just say, like. Why the fuck, as a stable person, as a mentally and emotionally not stunted person, would a bitch purposefully choose to date a man who had suffered severe abuse and not even started to deal with it?
Why the fuck did I EVER think I wasn't looking for a reflection? For someone who would understand.
And I never fucking put it together that my family was abusive.
#truly i hate therapy#i HATE it#i am sick of Realizing Things#the degree of fantasy we operated at all through my childhood#the keeping up appearances of it all#the isolation#fuck i had to go back to it to notice#J E S U S#and it was always so insidious because it was mental and emotional#there was never anything to point to for why i felt so awful and so i just always thought#it's me#there is something wrong and broken with me or i wouldn't be in pain all the time#if i could just behave they way they want i wouldn't be in pain#so you go looking for someone to save because you desperately want to be saved but you don't feel like you deserve it#so you find someone and convince yourself that if you can save them it will save you too#you'll be good finally if you can save them#jesus tittiefuck christ
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after months of not having a fixation on anything, i slowly coax out a new fandom to fall in love with only to be body slammed by a very very tangentially related old flame of a fandom that shant be named
#sock talk#you can never truly kill your 12yo cringe obsessions#its problematic And its cringe and i cant watch more than 5 sec wo having to look away in regret#ugh its influenced my art style so gd i cant stop seeing it#ive shunned it from my mind the past almost 8 years and gd the obsession was j lying dormant#fucking hell on earth i hate that im still obsessed w it#its okay to be a fan of problematic media i tell myself kill the part of you that cringes i tell myself through gritted teeth
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I love lingering when it comes to introducing oc story and lore because ohh oh ohhhhh itās fun seeing reactions to plot points and discussing them and what not. But itās also scary because I wonāt like it if Iām judged for a story direction because people donāt like a character or smth. But also who caresssss I call it a jumpscare to see horrible people fully comprehend that theyāre horrible and try to fix themselves and build themself from the ground up. I call it that fucked up people can realize their wrongs and change themselves for the better. I call it nuance. I call it look at these ocs boy
#I say this specifically because I have plots that I cannot share right now because the haters will sabotage /J#no but forreal listen to me#imagine youāre a piece of shit. and itās largely because your parents installed their pompous and bigoted views onto you#and from day one you seemed to be the favorite child. your parents adored you. your parents insisted youād go far.#they acted as if you acted just like them then youād succeed. and you were succeeding. no one worth your time treated you badly#even though you treat most people badly. INCLUDING your own siblings. if anything youāre encouraged to treat your siblings like ass#so they strive for greatness. but you refuse to see them as anything but great. because THEYRE not YOU. theyāre nothing like you#youāre special. youāre perfect. you deserve so much in life and you will go so far in life because of your parents#but then you follow your heart. you were given freedom in life so why not decide to try and date people not on your level#but your parents HATE this!! and when you get your heart broken they refuse to comfort you#they demean you. insult your intelligence. ask where they went wrong raising you. treat you like they treat your siblings.#You did nothing wrong objectively. you just did what you wanted which you had always done! but now itās wrong!#and you realize... your siblings and other family members also werenāt doing anything wrong. weāre they?#because if this is enough to make your parents treat you like dirt underneath your feet then what did your siblings truly do wrong#are they truly different from you? weāre they truly worthless and deserved to be mistreated?#were you wrong this whole time?#Yes. You were. You fucking sucked!!!! you were horrible for no reason!!!!!!!#So how do you go about trying to make amends? to righting your wrongs?#when you only realized your mistakes through selfishness? because you only realized this when YOU finally got treated like shit?#oh yknow. fuck around and find out I guess
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Please expect a serious slow down of my posting, especially fanart or drawings. I'll be getting a second job soon so I'll be busy every weekend from now on + plus my school is starting next month.
#josh speaks#i feel....so grown up... two jobs.. early college.... extra curriculars#/j but like ohhh my y god i am getting oldderrrr#n e wayz how have yall been. ik its been a hot minute since ive done much up here beside cry over legos and slenderman series from 2009#OH MY GODH SPEAKING OF LEGOSSSSSS#almost bought one of the new dr sets. bcs i want sora and arins minifigures#BUT ITS SO DAMN EXPANSIVE!!! SINCE WHEN DID THEY COST THIS MUCH?!?!?#so. we will just. have to wait til my next paycheck#ALSO my new job is cleaning houses again and i fucking hate it sorry ive cleaned houses and apartments before and its god awful#you think catering weddings are bad? go clean a giant 3 floor 28 room god knows how many baths big ass house in the middle of the southern#summer heat. that? truly makes me consider if i should kms. but the pay is good so š¤·āāļø tis whatever#id make like 100~ a week i think? so . more money to fuel my lego collection ig?#also also also. did an art trade with my friend AND THEIR ART IS SOOO SO CUTE LIKE STRAIGHT SEROTONIN OHMG#hope they like what i did but twas super super tired. so idk. oh also! watched good omens s1!! it was fun i enjoyed. reminded me of doom pat#rol a bit? that show was fun in its own right. so please expect good omens fanart . Eventually. hopefully before exam seasonšš#i need to re read all my bob books bcs my coach will chew me out if i forget everything but luckily i have like. a really good memory (lie)#im just rlly good at cramming books 1 hr before competition. yk how it js#nother reminder my reqs r open it just might take me a minute#got locked out of my tumblr acc on the web so that sucks. tis whatever . (its not im p upset)#oh i got my mom to watch nimona with me today!! she enjoyed. and put some nails on bcs i havnet done that in 4ever#alao bought new skirts today. this has eneded up me just telling yall abt my day but. lets be real for a sec i domt have anyone to rlly talk#to so. the tags of my tumblr posts will have to do. are the new eps of dr out yet or is it just leaks (ive been avoiding them like the plagu#e so far) ALSO#im like 60 percent sure ill be working as the stage manger for my schools next production PLEASE pray for me. i am going to DIE#(not rlly its just hell. HELL) and then that + work + college + BOB + highschool + wanting to post my drawings online#for a while its gonna be sketchbook spreads + doodles srry#oh also also also . would abyone like to see a few snippets of my sketchbook when its done? we r like almost there#hoping to finish it b4 school starts. and get my license. jesus christ theres so much to doo!!!!!!!!!!!!! i finally get what all those#shojou girls were complaining about!!! this is hard!!!!!!!!!!#anyways. tis all. farewell good friends. sincerely -fishtank32
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tag dump!! pt. 5
#( dynamic: lay my life down for you swear to god | jeff x shauna )#( dynamic: we were never meant to last | jeff x jackie )#( j. sadecki v: well i'm just a teenage dirtbag | canon young )#( j. sadecki v: just another peg in the machine | canon adult )#( dynamic: i like the way your mouth moves when you say my name | nat x misty )#( dynamic: suck the breath from my lungs & i'll swallow your hate | nat x travis )#( dynamic: i've lost control please save me from myself | nat x lottie )#( n. scatorccio v: trade my joy for my protection | canon adult )#( n. scatorccio v: honeysuckle she's full of poison | canon young )#( dynamic: sailing into the sun i'll be baptized here | van x taissa )#( v. palmer v: be kind. rewind | canon young )#( v. palmer v: can never truly win | canon adult )
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