#( n. scatorccio v: trade my joy for my protection | canon adult )

[darkconsumed]

meme || accepting.

@healiotrope asked: ❝ i appreciate the determination to prove me wrong. really. ❞

Head lulled to the side as eyes narrowed just slightly in the others direction while lips pulled up into a smirk. "If this is your attempt to do some bullshit reverse psychology...it ain't gonna work," she replied, eyes squinting before face relaxed and she looked away from Lottie. She'd been there for a few days now and though it wasn't like she had expected ( constantly chained to her bed, kept away from sharp objects, that whole thing ) she still didn't want to be there. But that was something that Nat was sure the other woman was acutely aware of. Her overall lack of participation in anything to do with this place spoke volumes. Then there was the fact that she had already been adamant about wanting to leave.

"So...what's your plan with me...exactly?" the brunette asked after a moment, eyes returning to the taller woman. "'Cause if you think that woo woo shit you used to do is gonna help...you might as well save your breath, Lot'."

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@fscatorccio gets a plotted thing!!

Making adjustments to her life was always a pain. At least it used to be when it was done in a way to run away from whatever mess she had created. This time around, it was different, a bit refreshing even so it was easier, for the most part. Moving across the country was fine, she had thought about doing that for a long while and had even talked about doing it when her and Travis were still together. Had talked about going to California and living near the beach, soak up the sunshine and just wilt away together.

For many reasons that never happened, but she was glad that it had finally. And though she wasn't in sunny bright California with the guy she had complicated feelings for, being in Washington with her brother was just fine. It might have helped that she was technically dead in the eyes of New Jersey and no one save for Frankie knew who she was here. She got to be Lucy or Lu to everyone she met and got a fresh start to get things right for a change. But there was still something eating her up inside and it was the very thing that had led to her almost death. Or at least the reason for why she was at the compound to begin with.

Natalie was seated on the couch in the living room of the comfortable home they'd made together. Something neither of them really had growing up was a stable and safe home, but they had it now. She's been staring off into space, chewing on her thumb nail and she can feel Frankie looking at her every so often, probably wondering what's on her mind. But he won't ask her what's up, he never does because he knows he'll get a short answer though tonight that changed. She just needs to find the strength to finally talk about it. About everything.

"Franks?" she murmurs, eyes still staring at the wall behind the television. "I wanna tell you...thank you for...everything." Her voice was soft, small and almost too quiet to be heard over whatever was on the television. "I know I've never been...the easiest person to be around...but last year has been good. Really good," she continues, head slowly turning to look in his direction. "But there's still somethin' eating at me and I can't...I can't ignore it any longer..."

[darkconsumed]

What happened was a complete accident on Misty's part. But it was an accident that could have been fatal if she hadn't been fast enough. If she had reacted just a second too late, what was written down on the official record would have actually happened. However, a good knight was careful with the weapon they wielded, especially when in the presence of their queen.

In the events of the season two finale, the following is what will be considered canon moving forward in relation to Natalie Scatorccio. TLDR; Nat fakes her death, takes on the identity of another woman who did die that night, she leaves with Frankie Scatorccio ( @fscatorccio ) and them along side Misty are the only one's who know that there's a different body in Nat's grave.

Misty did in fact stab her in the shoulder, injecting her with the small amount of fentanyl ( still not sure what was actually in the syringe, but will be defaulting with this ) and due to the fact that Nat had been sober for a bit after a long while, it was a shock to her system. So much so that she appeared to have died as she became somewhat unresponsive in Misty's arms. At first, Misty didn't realize that was the case as she was simply in panic/shock and was certain she killed her best friend.

However, it's after she leaves the compound and goes to the hospital that she discovers that Nat survived. That she was simply unconscious and it was during that time alone, of what she assumed was the big sleep, she realized how tired she truly was. So when Misty shows up and begins this long winded apology, all is forgiven on one condition; she uses her "weird nerd super-powers" to make Nat legally dead without actually dying. It takes convincing, but because she feels and knows she owes it to her best friend, Misty agrees to do it, to make it happen.

It's during a shift change that she sneaks into the nurses station and accesses the computers. She finds someone who did die that evening and that fit Nat's description and simply switched their names around. It was unfortunate that Lucy Svenson died that night, but the brunette would try her best not to ruin her name. Once it was all said and done with the hopes that no one would notice, it was long before Lucy was leaving the hospital and going home with Misty Quigley to recover. And to plan, to figure out what she would do next, however there was really only one thought on her mind.

Before going and speaking with Lisa, she had called her sibling, Frankie. He hadn't answered so she left a message for him with every intention of calling him back later in the evening. And she still could have done that that same night or the next day, but she couldn't risk exposing her plan and someone catching on ( not so soon anyways. ) So as the funeral was planned for Natalie Scatorccio, of course with the help from the very much alive woman herself, she decided that she would finally do right by Frankie.

The week leading up to the funeral, she was nervous that this wouldn't work. That it would fall through and she'd be stuck here and with It. However, she held her ground and when the day of the funeral came, she attended it of course because when else would she get the chance to attend her own funeral? She did so out of morbid curiosity to see if her own mother would show, see who in town would come weep over her grave, and she was surprised to see a small crowd stans her mother of course. That was no surprise to her and she ignored it as eyes scanned the crowd and she saw Frankie.

Seeing him distraught and mourning her helped Natalie with knowing that this was the only way. That she couldn't stay dead, not in his eyes. She just hoped that he would forgive her for putting him through the wringer when all was said and done.

[darkconsumed]

@healiotrope asked: because i'm in love with you.

For some reason the only thing she could think about was the time she fell flat on her back. The wind knocked out of her and the sky above her looking fuzzy while the others rushed to her side to see if she was alive. Yea she's good, she's glaring at me, one of them had said, most likely Taissa, before she was being pulled up to her feet by the tallest of them. She looked at Lottie with hazy eyes, hands gripping onto forearms while she sucked in a deep shaky breath in an attempt to reinflate her lungs. And that's how she felt now, how she looked at the other woman as if she had just used all the strength she had to run right into her, trying to run through her.

Lips, that became suddenly dry, part and she's sure to resemble a gapping fish as soft pants of breath leave her. Somewhere in the depths of her mind, she knew this wasn't the appropriate way to react to hearing those words. She isn't appropriate though, never had been and probably never would. Bottom lip is sucked in and caught between teeth once she realizes all she's done is open and close her mouth several times. Teeth sink harshly into flesh and begin to gnaw at the tender area while eyes rapidly look from each of Lottie's own.

There was so much she wanted to say, none of it what the other woman would be expecting to hear ( unless she truly did understand the brunette ) and yet she can't speak. Not at first and not for several beats, but her head is shaking as eyes fall to the ground because it's too much to look her in the eyes. To know she's only going to hurt her because it doesn't matter how much good being here at the compound has done; she's poison. All she'll do is drag Charlotte down into an early grave right along with her.

"Lottie..." she whispered, as if it was the first time saying the others name, trying it out like a new food. Tasting all the flavors, mulling it around in her mouth like she hasn't had the same meal for years. "Y-...no. You don't...d-...don't want me an' you sure as hell don't want to lo-..." but she can't spit that word out because it's a bitter taste in her mouth. One that she's tried several times over and each time it stings her mouth, burns tastebuds away, and leaves a harsh acidic taste in the back of her throat. But she wanted to like it this time, wanted to enjoy and savor it, thinking that finally it wouldn't be like the other times.

[darkconsumed]

meme || accepting.

@wereveaux asked: “ you are what’s important right now. "

Try as she might to refrain doing it, eyes roll at the others words. There wasn't a single thing important about her, never had been and the sooner Alcide realized that, the sooner he'd avoid getting hurt. Because that's all that ever happened to anyone that got close to her; she was poison. It was something she would never admit aloud because it'd be too real, but she felt it and knew it to be true. It's why Travis and her never worked out, no matter how many times they tried to push pass all the toxicity. All they wound up feeling was hurt and that's all Alcide would feel in the end of this. Whatever this was.

"You should be as smart as you are hot, Al'," Nat murmurs, head shaking as she looked down to the floor before head rose and hair was shaken from face. "Look...we've had our fun an' you're...a good guy...but I'm not some pet project for you to fix up."

[darkconsumed]

tag dump!! pt. 5

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regarding verses; as to keep from giving myself too much work and making a million pages, all verses will be as follows.

canon / young verses will be place holders for pre series and wilderness / 1996 timeline. all muses ( except paul and adam ) will be between the ages of sixteen and eighteen.

canon / adult verses will be place holders for pre series ( 2000 to 2021 ) and present day timeline. all muses ( except paul and adam ) will be between the ages of twenty-two and forty-four.

canon verses for paul and adam will be a place holder for pre series ( 2019 to 2021 ), the 1996 timeline ( paul only ), and present day timeline. this verse will be more suited for any interactions with the yellowjackets team ( which is doubtful but plotting can happen ) and will follow paul navigating life without ben ( this is simply an assumption until proven otherwise. ) as for adam, the verse will follow his canon up until his death in season one.

original character(s) verses will fall into the canon timeline with slight adjustments to make said original character(s) fit into canon. plotting will always be encouraged.

regarding the canon events of season two with natalie and kevyn; their deaths do not happen. i will at a later date go into further explanation as to how they both survive but the general premise for nat is that she was able to stop misty from attacking lisa or herself thus preventing her death from happening. more information will be added as the show goes on but she will be heavily canon divergent and head canon based. kevyn will be a bit more trickier and will need plotting.

**edit** more information regarding natalie's canon as far as i'm concerned can be found HERE. will still fall under her ( n. scatorccio v: trade my joy for my protection | canon adult ) verse tag.

regarding the canon events for season one with travis; his death does serve a purpose as it brings the fellow survivors back together. so for his character, i will be following canon including his death. however there will be a major focus on his life post rescue and pre series.

[darkconsumed]

No one either gave a damn or they gave too much of one. Taissa had always fallen somewhere in between and it annoyed the brunette. She at least knew the others and everyone else in her life could care less how she destroyed herself, but the other woman she hated not knowing what she'd get. At least now, being forced into the rehab center, she knew what direction she was leaning towards. And maybe she should feel thankful that someone finally reached a hand out to help her, but she's undeserving of it Tai should know all about why she feels that way.

They had never been close, even before the plane crash ( they butted heads more often than they shared laughs ) and they certainly hadn't kept in touch after coming home. However, the time spent out in the wilderness, it created something that ran deeper than any mere friendship bond could create. "Funeral would be cheaper...less time an' energy too," Natalie spat with a grimace, head tilted to the side as she eyed the other woman. She too was putting her foot down or at least attempting to stand her stubborn ground even if she felt like shit.

It was both the withdrawals and what she said to Taissa that made her feel horrible. And knowing it was only the beginning for both. "This you trying to squeeze a little more good will and bullshit into that record of yours, Tai?" she asked, eyes squinting as bottom lip was sucked in between teeth before being released once more. "Fuckin' charity case am I? Gonna give yourself a pretty lil gold star on your board of goals? Make yourself feel better at night?"

taissa didn't have to pay for natalie's rehab, she knows this. it wasn't like she had even asked her to. if anything, there was a lot of pushback on natalie's end. but still, she can't help but feel her heart break as she's torn down by the other woman during the first time she visits her after she's been admitted. eyebrows furrow, unable to completely contain her anger. she knows that nat is hurting and that it's a tough time for both of them, but she wants the best for her, even if the other can't see that.

"you can say whatever you want," she's putting her foot down. what she says next is maybe harsh, but she wasn't interested in just standing around and trying to explain herself. "but you need help - and maybe you hate me. fine. but you know what, nat ... i'd rather pay for this than attend your funeral." natalie's words hurt her more than she'd let on, it wasn't like they were ever super close .. but going through all that trauma together? that bonded them for life. taissa owed her for keeping her alive, returning the favor was the least she could do. she wasn't going to fail at this - she couldn't.

@darkconsumed [ 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐝 ] : sender tells receiver they don't love them anymore. (from nat)

[darkconsumed]

Frankie was in some ways the furthest thing from her mind, but at times was the only thing on her mind. It wasn't something she allowed herself to think and ponder about because then feelings would come up and she couldn't deal. He always wanted to be around her, wanted to have a bond, to just be in her life. But she denied him of everything unless she decided to give him the smallest crumb of whatever that was close to kindness. And that wasn't fair, nothing she did to him was fair and it was something she had known for a long while but being here, working through the muddy workings of her mind, she was accepting.

Accepting and wanting to change. To be the big sister that Frankie deserved, whatever the hell that meant, she wanted it. It wouldn't be too much of a stretch to say that she needed it, that she needed him and to be in his life. They were all they had and it was them against the world. Nat just wished she had realized and accepted that sooner because who knows what their life would have been like if she hadn't been so unfair to him. She knew that there was no sense in the what-ifs, only what could be done now and that's what she was going to focus on.

Hugging him, feeling him gripping at her blouse, it stirred up a memory from their childhood. One that she had buried away because it was the past and anything to do with their homelife was off limits, even to her. But in that moment, she could remember a small Frankie clinging to her and in the distance she could hear plates flying, crashing into the walls and floor. It caused her own arms to tighten around him tighter, just as she had done that night. "I'm right here..." she whispered, same words she said to him to comfort him. And she knew she needed to comfort him now because she could only imagine what Lottie told him.

Because of course she had called him ( it surprised her but not really, Lottie had her ways of getting information ) and she felt a little annoyed by it. But for the most part, she was thankful for a change. To have another moment with him, to get to see him because that night, she had said goodbye to him for the last time. At least that's what her original plan had been, but she's thankful she gets another chance even if she isn't completely sure she's deserving of it. But she'll take it and she'll do better, she'll be better, for him.

"Hey..." she whispers as head turns and cheek comes to rest against his shoulder, hand rubbing in slow circles between shoulders. It was new, hugging, embracing and not recoiling away from the positive touch. But it was also nice and it felt like it was helping, healing something deeper inside her.

@fscatorccio gets a plotted thing.

A couple weeks used to never seem like a lot of time. It was nothing in comparison to the time spent out in the wilderness, the months spent fighting to survive. And weeks sure as hell didn't seem like a lot of time to work on ones self, trudging through every dark swamp that was their mind. Then again, she never had given Charlotte Matthews the chance or time to work on her, to help her get to here.

Here wasn't exactly better, but she wanted to live and that was the important thing. It was still an adjustment for wanting that, feeling like this after so long of wishing something would take her out. This, however, did not negate the fact that she still felt like poison. That she was better off alone as a means to keep others safe, but seeing as she wasn't planning on leaving, she was sure Lottie could help her through that as well. Which that was another thing that she couldn't really wrap her head around; accepting help, using it, and following through.

Today was supposed to be a one on one session with Lottie ( thank god because she couldn't handle the crying from the others ) but she'd been standing in one of the cabins for a while. She was growing bored, pacing the floor sluggishly, feet dragging behind her until she heard the handle on the door begin to turn. Natalie figured it was the raven haired woman as that was who she was supposed to be seeing today, but that's not who walked in. The smell of cigarettes wafted in as the door opened and she knew who it was and it ceased her pacing, leaving her frozen in the middle of the room.

Frankie was standing inside the door and her eyes just locked onto their face. Throat bobbed as she swallowed thickly, surprise clearly etched onto her face as she stared at her younger sibling. She hadn't seen him in a while, not since he showed up at her hotel room then a couple times after that. Their visits never lasted long and almost always, Nat didn't want them there; all the same reasons why she didn't want anyone around her. But seeing him right now, with her mind the clearest it's been in a long, long time...

"What're you..." she began to ask as feet pulled her forward, closing the distance between them arms wrapped around his smaller frame. Her question goes unfinished as she hugged the other tightly, eyes closing for a brief moment. She can't remember the last time she had hugged them or they hugged her, but it was nice.

[darkconsumed]

Being normal had never been allowed for her. Before the crash, she was just the burn out whose dear old daddy had blown his head off. Some even thought she had been the one to do it; no one knew how close she had came to doing it. No one knew how she did feel that she had been the one to pull the trigger that day. But then she came home and all the rumors about what happened out there ( most of them holding truth ) just created more distance away from being normal. And deep down she hated that, hated that she couldn't be normal.

It's why threw caution and the multiple second chances at life away with no regard. She could have pretended like Taissa and Shauna ( neither one of them was legitimately normal, least of all the wannabe politician ) and she thought about it. Had even tried early on while trying to adjust to being home, but it didn't work out and it wasn't easy. Nothing she did was easy except allowing herself to fall down the dark and twisted rabbit hole that was the endless abuse of drugs and alcohol. It numbed and quieted her mind enough to where she could feel as close to normal as possible.

Head rolled and lulled to the side while jaw clenched and shifted. Funerals were pointless in her mind. They were just a means for the living to cry over a hole in the ground and fork out money to companies who made it big. But the amount of funerals they had been forced to attend hadn't helped with her aversion to them. "Right," she huffed with a short breath, eyes closing before hand came to cover them to help block out the light. "Won't matter 'cause you'll have bigger fish to fry when you wind up on some circle jerk board of big wigs. Won't matter if they see some druggies name tied to a bank statement..."

Sniffle is given as hand drags down over face before falling, hanging limp at her side. "Sure they'll think that's why you've got ties to me," Nat snorted, tongue dragging over bottom lip as head raised and eyes locked onto the other's face. They may have buttheads when they were younger and now older, but she did care about Tai. Deep down she was thankful and appreciative of her help, but she wasn't going to admit to that. Not now, not ever. "Maybe you shoulda listened to 'em...whoever the fuck they are...really woulda saved money by lettin' me sweat it out in some bathtub in a motel room."

No one either gave a damn or they gave too much of one. Taissa had always fallen somewhere in between and it annoyed the brunette. She at least knew the others and everyone else in her life could care less how she destroyed herself, but the other woman she hated not knowing what she'd get. At least now, being forced into the rehab center, she knew what direction she was leaning towards. And maybe she should feel thankful that someone finally reached a hand out to help her, but she's undeserving of it Tai should know all about why she feels that way.

They had never been close, even before the plane crash ( they butted heads more often than they shared laughs ) and they certainly hadn't kept in touch after coming home. However, the time spent out in the wilderness, it created something that ran deeper than any mere friendship bond could create. "Funeral would be cheaper...less time an' energy too," Natalie spat with a grimace, head tilted to the side as she eyed the other woman. She too was putting her foot down or at least attempting to stand her stubborn ground even if she felt like shit.

It was both the withdrawals and what she said to Taissa that made her feel horrible. And knowing it was only the beginning for both. "This you trying to squeeze a little more good will and bullshit into that record of yours, Tai?" she asked, eyes squinting as bottom lip was sucked in between teeth before being released once more. "Fuckin' charity case am I? Gonna give yourself a pretty lil gold star on your board of goals? Make yourself feel better at night?"

[darkconsumed]

Close calls seemed to be a curse for her. Even before the crash, she had survived nearly dying or being seriously hurt one too many times. Everything that followed and took place once she returned home, well, it was a wonder she had made it to forty-three. It seemed as if there was some cosmic force keeping her alive and that was just as much as a curse as all of the close calls she'd faced. She didn't believe in curses, thought it was bullshit paranoia that people made up to make themselves feel better. But maybe it was time she did start to believe in them among other things that were given the bullshit seal.

For now all she could focus on or tried not to focus on, was the tightness in her chest. How her stomach both fluttered and churned at Charlotte's admission of love. It had always been a touchy subject for the brunette and it wasn't because she couldn't love or that she lacked the capacity for it. She never had a positive view nor practice of it. Her parents might have loved one another before she came along, but she never saw it. And she certainly hadn't experienced it in a healthy way with Travis or any other person she allowed to get close or allowed herself to get close to.

But her feelings for the taller woman had always been complicated, even when they were kids. She didn't hate her, didn't even dislike her for that matter. But to love her? It wasn't even an option she had considered nor thought possible. Though, in the short time she had been at the compound, been reunited with Lottie, something had began to form. Something that only added to the conflicting feelings and thoughts for her. Hearing that she loved her and how she reacted to it, Natalie was beginning to wonder if that something was what the raven haired woman felt.

Eyes remain pointed to the floor as her thoughts run a million miles per second, trying to process and sort themselves out. However it's the others voice that draws her attention back to her face ( one that she was used to seeing now and didn't feel irritation for anymore ), brows knitting together. Nat knew that, deep down she knew she couldn't tell someone how they could feel about anyone, but she wished she could. She wished she could change it, thought that she had done a pretty good job at making herself unlovable despite yearning to be loved.

She should have died, several times now, and the most recent escape had...it would have been so easy to blame Lottie. Maybe she did, just a little bit, but they had all chosen to stay despite the other urging them otherwise. But what would have happened if they had left? Would Lottie have done something to herself? It would have added more guilt to the brunette's shoulders, blood on her hands, because she wouldn't have been there to save Lottie. There was no certainty to what would have happened if they had all left, all she knew was what did and what was happening now.

That realization dawns on her the same instant the other is begging her to tell her to leave. She had nearly died and Lottie loved her. Were they connected? Was the almost ill fate of Natalie what prompted this all? "I-...you don't gotta leave," she finally speaks, voice raspy but quiet as she looks to her. I don't want you to leave is what she wanted to say, but that would leave her feeling even more vulnerable, exposed.

@healiotrope asked: because i'm in love with you.

For some reason the only thing she could think about was the time she fell flat on her back. The wind knocked out of her and the sky above her looking fuzzy while the others rushed to her side to see if she was alive. Yea she's good, she's glaring at me, one of them had said, most likely Taissa, before she was being pulled up to her feet by the tallest of them. She looked at Lottie with hazy eyes, hands gripping onto forearms while she sucked in a deep shaky breath in an attempt to reinflate her lungs. And that's how she felt now, how she looked at the other woman as if she had just used all the strength she had to run right into her, trying to run through her.

Lips, that became suddenly dry, part and she's sure to resemble a gapping fish as soft pants of breath leave her. Somewhere in the depths of her mind, she knew this wasn't the appropriate way to react to hearing those words. She isn't appropriate though, never had been and probably never would. Bottom lip is sucked in and caught between teeth once she realizes all she's done is open and close her mouth several times. Teeth sink harshly into flesh and begin to gnaw at the tender area while eyes rapidly look from each of Lottie's own.

There was so much she wanted to say, none of it what the other woman would be expecting to hear ( unless she truly did understand the brunette ) and yet she can't speak. Not at first and not for several beats, but her head is shaking as eyes fall to the ground because it's too much to look her in the eyes. To know she's only going to hurt her because it doesn't matter how much good being here at the compound has done; she's poison. All she'll do is drag Charlotte down into an early grave right along with her.

"Lottie..." she whispered, as if it was the first time saying the others name, trying it out like a new food. Tasting all the flavors, mulling it around in her mouth like she hasn't had the same meal for years. "Y-...no. You don't...d-...don't want me an' you sure as hell don't want to lo-..." but she can't spit that word out because it's a bitter taste in her mouth. One that she's tried several times over and each time it stings her mouth, burns tastebuds away, and leaves a harsh acidic taste in the back of her throat. But she wanted to like it this time, wanted to enjoy and savor it, thinking that finally it wouldn't be like the other times.

[darkconsumed]

Being secretive and closed off wasn't anything new. It had been something she practiced from an early age given how their parents were. However, it got worse once she came home and over the years, she didn't even know what was true or not anymore. Secrets piled up and turned into lies and one could only keep track of so many lies after so long. Natalie Scatorccio had died long before that night at the compound. She was still on that plane in the wilderness, lost to time and the earth that surrounded the wreckage. It's where she belonged.

This new life she had for herself, more and more she was beginning to accept that she made the right call. Part of her would always hold onto who she had been and that was okay. Because not all of her had been so bad and towards the ending there, Nat had began to believe that she was getting better and wanted to get better. And she knew she had one person to thank for that, but she couldn't think of her out of the mixed feelings it would stir up. So she kept those thoughts buried for now as she simply focused on her breathing, trying to keep herself from jumping out of her skin and running. She wasn't that person anymore, she didn't run away, she stood her ground no matter how much it pained her.

Knowing that Frankie didn't and wouldn't judge her, that he wouldn't go running to the first person who offered him up any amount of money for the real story of the yellowjackets team it made this easier. The time they had spent together building this new life ( one that they had both had always deserved ) made this all possible. Getting to know her sibling and finding what worked and didn't in a healthy manor was nice. It was good. It also made it possible for the hug that soon came and there wasn't a need for the brunette to pull back or push him away. She simply leaned into it, her chin resting against his shoulder as she closed her eyes to fight the tears that wanted to fall.

"I know..." she whispered with her usual raspy tone. Though she knew that and finally accepted it, it was still nice to hear it. To have that confirmation and reassurance that he did love her and wouldn't stop loving her. Even though she had gave him plenty of reasons to stop loving her, she was thankful he was just as stubborn as she was. "I love you too," she added, something she wouldn't have been able to say a year ago. But she always felt it, always held love for Frankie and never stopped loving him.

A few beats of silence passed before she was exhaling a slow shaky breath. "We did this thing with a deck of cards..." she began again, speaking slowly, taking her time with piecing her thoughts together in order to explain what they did out there. "Whoever drew the queen card would...they would be next...a-...and we did that to appease..." her words trailed off into a whisper, breath hitching in their throat. Because what could she call It in hopes of explaining whatever they thought was out there? None of them knew what It was or even if there was something out there.

It was just us! Shauna's words rang through her head, flashes of the other woman standing on the other side of the fire passing through her mind. It causes her to pull back and turn so she was facing the television again, her hands in her lap with fidgeting fingers that picked at one another. "We just did it. We picked who was next..." she continued, figuring that would suffice as she didn't know what happened out there, not entirely. "And that's what we did that night at the compound. We thought that...that if we chose someone it would...fix everything."

Before everything went to hell and lead to this new life, everyone wanted to know everything about her. It didn't matter how off-putting she tried to make herself appear to others, there was always someone wanting to know. Wanting to dig deeper, peel back all the layers and get to source and it left her with very little people in her life. And for the most part she didn't mind that and actually preferred it because it meant she couldn't and wouldn't hurt whoever was foolish enough to be around her. Frankie was different, however, and she's known that since forever and it was time.

It was easier ( a term used very lightly ) given that she was making the choice to peel back the layers. That she was choosing to share the deepest parts of her with someone who didn't know what really happened out there. It didn't make it any less frightening and her heart rate picking up was clear that she was still nervous about talking to him about this all. But she pushed pass it, took a few deep breaths and kept reminding herself that she could and did trust him.

He's always been so patient with her and even more so this last year. That helped with her taking this step, knowing that she could take her time and that he would never rush her. So she does, she lets whatever is playing on the television be the only sound for a few beats before she continues. "What I'm going to tell you is...I'm breakin' a pact that I made with the others before we came home. A-...and it's the only way I can...I can finally be rid of that life." Her voice remains soft and with its usual raspy tone as her eyes search his own, trying to gauge his reaction, as if trying to figure it out before it happened.

"We did a lot of...a lot of bad shit out there after the first month or so. It was hard...we had to resort to um..." she trails off, lips pursing and twisting as hands rubbed against her thighs. "...lets just say there's a reason why only a small amount of us came back and they couldn't find the others." Not even after all this time could Natalie utter the words, to speak it out into the open; we had to kill and eat one another. Though she didn't say it aloud, she thought it and she never would be able to stop thinking about it.

[darkconsumed]

Before everything went to hell and lead to this new life, everyone wanted to know everything about her. It didn't matter how off-putting she tried to make herself appear to others, there was always someone wanting to know. Wanting to dig deeper, peel back all the layers and get to source and it left her with very little people in her life. And for the most part she didn't mind that and actually preferred it because it meant she couldn't and wouldn't hurt whoever was foolish enough to be around her. Frankie was different, however, and she's known that since forever and it was time.

It was easier ( a term used very lightly ) given that she was making the choice to peel back the layers. That she was choosing to share the deepest parts of her with someone who didn't know what really happened out there. It didn't make it any less frightening and her heart rate picking up was clear that she was still nervous about talking to him about this all. But she pushed pass it, took a few deep breaths and kept reminding herself that she could and did trust him.

He's always been so patient with her and even more so this last year. That helped with her taking this step, knowing that she could take her time and that he would never rush her. So she does, she lets whatever is playing on the television be the only sound for a few beats before she continues. "What I'm going to tell you is...I'm breakin' a pact that I made with the others before we came home. A-...and it's the only way I can...I can finally be rid of that life." Her voice remains soft and with its usual raspy tone as her eyes search his own, trying to gauge his reaction, as if trying to figure it out before it happened.

"We did a lot of...a lot of bad shit out there after the first month or so. It was hard...we had to resort to um..." she trails off, lips pursing and twisting as hands rubbed against her thighs. "...lets just say there's a reason why only a small amount of us came back and they couldn't find the others." Not even after all this time could Natalie utter the words, to speak it out into the open; we had to kill and eat one another. Though she didn't say it aloud, she thought it and she never would be able to stop thinking about it.

@fscatorccio gets a plotted thing!!

Making adjustments to her life was always a pain. At least it used to be when it was done in a way to run away from whatever mess she had created. This time around, it was different, a bit refreshing even so it was easier, for the most part. Moving across the country was fine, she had thought about doing that for a long while and had even talked about doing it when her and Travis were still together. Had talked about going to California and living near the beach, soak up the sunshine and just wilt away together.

For many reasons that never happened, but she was glad that it had finally. And though she wasn't in sunny bright California with the guy she had complicated feelings for, being in Washington with her brother was just fine. It might have helped that she was technically dead in the eyes of New Jersey and no one save for Frankie knew who she was here. She got to be Lucy or Lu to everyone she met and got a fresh start to get things right for a change. But there was still something eating her up inside and it was the very thing that had led to her almost death. Or at least the reason for why she was at the compound to begin with.

Natalie was seated on the couch in the living room of the comfortable home they'd made together. Something neither of them really had growing up was a stable and safe home, but they had it now. She's been staring off into space, chewing on her thumb nail and she can feel Frankie looking at her every so often, probably wondering what's on her mind. But he won't ask her what's up, he never does because he knows he'll get a short answer though tonight that changed. She just needs to find the strength to finally talk about it. About everything.

"Franks?" she murmurs, eyes still staring at the wall behind the television. "I wanna tell you...thank you for...everything." Her voice was soft, small and almost too quiet to be heard over whatever was on the television. "I know I've never been...the easiest person to be around...but last year has been good. Really good," she continues, head slowly turning to look in his direction. "But there's still somethin' eating at me and I can't...I can't ignore it any longer..."

[darkconsumed]

That was the problem right there; she knew her better than a lot of people did. Made it harder for the brunette to deflect and squirm her way out of things. "That's a shit comment of appreciation," she muttered under her breath before cheeks puffed out, a huff of breath leaving thinned lips. Though she didn't appreciate getting hauled out of her hotel room in the middle of the night and thrown into the back-end of a van...Charlotte wasn't wrong in her reasoning for grabbing her. It was stupid and selfish and she couldn't even say whether or not she would have gone through with it. The moment of hesitation that had transpired before door was abruptly kicked in was leaning towards her not doing it.

Natalie wasn't even sure what all had drove her to that moment the other night. Travis was at the forefront of her mind, but she couldn't lay blame on him, not completely. It was just something that had been festering and growing for a while and yet she couldn't nor would have done anything about it. Jaw clenched tightly as she mentally shook that thought away, focusing on Lottie as they came to a stop. Brow bounced at the sound of the chuckle and the repeating of words; words that she stood by. "So you can try to fix me like I'm one of your little sheep?" she asked, brows arching as hands raised and gently slapped against thighs.

"You're about forty somethin' years too late."

meme || accepting.

@healiotrope asked: ❝ i appreciate the determination to prove me wrong. really. ❞

Head lulled to the side as eyes narrowed just slightly in the others direction while lips pulled up into a smirk. "If this is your attempt to do some bullshit reverse psychology...it ain't gonna work," she replied, eyes squinting before face relaxed and she looked away from Lottie. She'd been there for a few days now and though it wasn't like she had expected ( constantly chained to her bed, kept away from sharp objects, that whole thing ) she still didn't want to be there. But that was something that Nat was sure the other woman was acutely aware of. Her overall lack of participation in anything to do with this place spoke volumes. Then there was the fact that she had already been adamant about wanting to leave.

"So...what's your plan with me...exactly?" the brunette asked after a moment, eyes returning to the taller woman. "'Cause if you think that woo woo shit you used to do is gonna help...you might as well save your breath, Lot'."