#true king of dykes

[thebrightestlodge]

Good for him

[whoishotteranimepolls]

Fandom observation nicknames and funny tags: Part One Piece

Okay, one piece fandom it's your turn and I'm going to highlight your creativity. Again this is not meant to shame or call anyone out. I am genuinely impressed with the creativity and you guys made me laugh. So again in my opinion these were too good just to be lost in the tags or in the anonymous messages, several you sent me. So expand post at your own risk. This one is unhinged

*updated as of May 4th with more tags and new characters

I have mentioned this before, but for some reason that is beyond me. One Piece fandom you guys refer to your characters as daddy and mommy (And it's in a kinky way) way more than any fandom. I think I should just start with the list of characters that have been labeled as such before I go into the creative names for individual characters. Because trust me who makes the list and who doesn't is actually funny.

One piece Daddy's: Shanks, Mihawk, Buggy, Sir Crocodile, Benn Beckman, Killer, Sanji, Rayleigh, Roger, Doflamingo, Rosinante/Corazon, Katakuri, Ivankov, Arlong, Yamato, Marco, Izou, Smoker, Garp, Sengoku, Zeff, Kuzan/Aokiji, Kizaru, Fujitora, Akainu, Blackbeard

When it comes to the One piece Mommy's: Nico Robin, Boa Hancock, Charlotte Smoothie, Charlotte Galette, Charlotte Amande, Vice admiral doll, Catarina Devon, Ivankov & Crocodile

Now due to popular demand the new category the One Piece Babygirls: Ace, Buggy, Sanji, Luffy, Sabo, Zoro, Ussop, Marco, Crocodile, Doflamingo, Kid, Law, Bepo, Killer, Mihawk, Shanks, Perona, Yamato, Kuzan/Aokiji, Kizaru, Fujitora, Rosinante/Corazon, Katakuri, Smoker, Robin, Nami, Vivi, Jinbe, Hatchan, Roger, Zeff

Now when it comes to individual characters there have been some interesting standouts but I'm just going to do some highlights because you guys have so many characters

Ace: "Depressed sunshine orphan boy with daddy issues", "ace has that grungy line cook riz you know he lays legendary pipe", " he got goofy older brother swag", "Beautiful butch dyke wife", "Ace my greasy fire narcoleptic king", "The narcoleptic babygirl", the greasy crusty desert rat. "He would be worth the burn risk", "my favorite fire donut", "something about greasy alabasta ace hits so different", "with his riz he's probably a walking STD risk but it would be worth it. Just look at him probably also probably got a couple bastard kids running around the grand line", it's ok he's still greasy in my heart worlds most feral baby boy he looks like he eats dirt I could fix him (force him to bathe regularly)

Akainu: "The world's next top authoritarian," magma Daddy, "He makes donuts and I still love him"

Arlong: "Y'all are too afraid to recognize the truth too afraid of his drip, his swagger, his saw nose, to admit that he's hot also live action arlong?!?!the only sexy fishmen," "arlong looks like a toxic florida frat bro," "I legitimately think there's something wrong with me sometimes due to how bad I want arlong the rancid personality enhances the appeal", "yall are p****" arlong is sexy put some respect on his name look at those lips the laugh the hair!"

Bartolomeo: "the man hasn't showered in probably a week he's obsessed with the strawhats he'll pee anywhere and he's an absolute dweeb he's like a stray mutt that followed me home look at his fit it's AWFUL AND FABULOUS he's gross and dumb and if something bad happens to this silly barrier- creating puppy i'll LOSE IT"

Belo Betty: "True story: Belo Betty made me, an Aroace woman have a sexuality crisis."

Ben Beckman: Dilf, "retirement blorbo", "Benn Beckman is a religious experience", "to me? beckman is the character with the most sex appeal ever. raw sex appeal. I would [redacted] if I met this man. just sayin", "He can ruin my life any day of the week", "Also lest we forget pre TS Beck a++ quality right there I just want someone smart who will also hit a guy with a gun is that so much to ask for", "This p**** wants what she wants and its always going to be Benn “back breaker" Beckman", husband material, "men are like wine in order to get a good vintage you want the one that's aged", he had that sexy blind and reckless loyalty about him", "Beckman is a fine aged vintage of wine as men should be", "DEAR GOD the things I WOULD DO to that man LIKE [redacted] and [redacted] because [redacted] and [redacted]", "idk how to explain it but he's so wife", "benn beckman? more like benn breastman ok sorry yeah anyways. said it before and ill say it again beckman exudes raw sex appeal like jesus christ. why would you not want to fuck this man ive had lesbian friends who said he would be an exception to them which is so real his tits are big he loves his captain he STUBBED HIS CIGARETTE IN A MAN'S EYE UNDER THE GUISE OF DEFENDING HIS CAPTAIN so fucking sexy mwah mwah beckman my wife you are so hot SO HOT. in conclusion benn breastman you will forever be a top sexyguy in my head oh also forgot to add. he canonically gets bitches which is so real. he could get me any day", "Oh dear I just realised I have a thing for older men with grey hair and have substance abuse issues I choose to believe lung cancer does not exist in opu", "

Buggy: Assigned clown at birth, walking disaster, "my pathetic sniveling wet clown", my Beloved, "he has blue hair and pronouns", Failboy, "the skrunkly clown", "my clown wife", "he has that fail boy cringe", "buggy has the stronger levels of foolishness and fumbling his way to success", "the cringefail clown extraordinaire buggy", "he is silly and pathetic like a bisexual divorced dad",

Catarina Devon: "my problematic lesbian sugar mommy”,

Cracker: "if Cracker just let his hair down he'd be unstoppable i fear", "get wrecked cracker", "I am so curious about the people voting for cracker let me study you please", "cracker getting murdered as expected", "you can't do my biscuit husband like that", "i find cracker really hot"

Crocodile: desert daddy, Babygirl, "He's like if tony soprano was trans", crocodaddy, crocomommy, Big titty mob boss, He's 8ft tall and I would let he ruin me,"Mr. Sandman", "the human sandcastle," "literally has sand in his britches", "son of a beach", "World's Most Expensive Sand Sculpture", "he's got 99 problems and his hook is one of them", "casino blorbo", "I would subject myself to sandburn any day for THE SIR FUCKING CROCODILE Anakin Skywalker don't go here because I WOULD love sand if it was like 8 feet tall and had a voice like that absolutely rabid he could stick his sand in so many places and I'd thank him crocodile is one of those guys i wanted to hate so bad and then went actually no i want this guy carnally Crocodile has some weird rizz goin on and i need to climb that sandcastle", "I'm so sorry but I need to eat crocodile's pussy", "With Sir Crocodile you can have Sex on the Beach. Literally. Plus he owns a casino so you could probably sip on the cocktail version too...while getting some cocktail.", "mafia vibes and style", "crocodile's got style. class. you will be wined and dined in the most exquisite way you can imagine", "He's got DADDY vibes", " One handsome mafia boss", "I love crocodile but also i wanna punch him and i feel like hes got the sandiest pussy/dick that shit will give me a rash", "my evilest baby boy", "Crocodile invented evil trans swag just saying", "im sorry az but crocodile was my dilf awakening", "in Crocodilf we trust",

Dragon: "the revolutionary scrungle dragon",

Doflamingo: "Dofy's got some wierd (potentially fun) energy but he would NOT treat you well he'd be awful", "The psychopathic pimp on a shoestring budget. Seriously dude, San Diego Zoo called and they want their flamingos back. That coat is so last season.", "fashion travesty", "Doflamingo dresses like an eye test and will probably steal your credit card by the end of the night not because he needs the money. because he finds it hilarious", "Mingo is just a spoiled frat fuckboy who's too full of himself to be interested in anyone/anything else", "a balding white man", "evil florida man my beloved they dont understand you", "Budget Pimp who robbed San Diego of their world famous Flamingo flock"

Eustass Kid: Pirate punk, "He's a sopping wet loser", "a man wearing eyeliner and nailpolish is by definition hotter", "my scrungy little fuck", he would also probably give me an STD and it would still be worth it

Franky: " Three words light up nipples"

Fujitora: "fujitora yes plz that like calm collected way he fights makes me KNOW hed take care of his partner real good", "have you seen how he slurps his noodles? I just know he could eat me out in ways I could never imagine"

Gol D. Roger: "the "Tom Selleck" of Pirates. He mustache'd the gold somewhere. You think these puns are bad wait until you hit my NSFW tags. Can't believe no one pointed those out yet, his name is a literal gold mine of innuendo. king of pirates? nah he's the king of rogering roger this roger that roger anyone he damn well pleases he has the D", "why does no one thirst after Gol like i do? youre all weak! cowards", "sorry but i am all about his dads mustache", " I can't be the only one that wants to ride that mustache"

Jinbe: "I wanna suck on the webbing between his fingers", does anyone else contemplate how soft Jinbe's tits are to lie on or is that just me?

Kaido: "beefcake beast of a man",

Katakuri: "I'm a monsterfucker at heart", "Katakuri is literally so good man he's a family man #he's badass he's got a great sense of honour you know I had to go for the mochi man", "donut king", "KATAKURI MY MOCHI MONSTER TEETH KING CHAMPION HUSBAND THAT I WOULD CLIMB LIKE A MOUNTAIN #I'M ALWAYS ON MY CLIMBING AGENDA WITH MY ONE PIECE KINGS!", "i just know this man would treat me right we love kata", "Kata definitely ticks that hot box"

King: "King is literally the most beautiful OP character you can't change my mind", "Gotta chose the melanin yknow", "king is so ajdhjdjdjchjd bark bark bark bark", "I saw King and decided he is my blorbo", "king of my [REDACTED]", " I know he's like 20 ft tall and I'm probably the size of his d*** but it would be worth it. I would gladly choose death by snu snu for one night with him"

Killer: "big tiddy murder boyfriend",

Marco: Bird daddy "Mr. Dr. Emotionally-Stable Scrungles", "surfer hippy electric blue glasses wing flapper", "DR. MMMMM", Fineapple

Luffy: "l am in the minority here I need luffy's gomu gomu no [REDACTED]"

Mihawk: The Vampire Pirate, Goth Dad, the sword father, Pirate Dracula, the big titty goth husband, "I think mihawk would treat you right. i want mihawk to treat me right", "I love his gay wine uncle energy", "I appreciate that he dresses Like That everywhere extra ass bitch", "hot vampire cowboy pirate", Morticia Addams, "Mihawk oozes 'step on me' energy",

Robin: "she has irresistible weird girl rizz", "big tiddy archaeologist gf"

Rosinante: "my insane clumsy tall dilf", "wife material", "he has cringefail dad swag", "rosi is everything to me actually. I would climb that tall clumsy king like a tree", "the klutzy mime", "he has that pathetic depressed clown vibe thats irresistible", "He's the epiome of strong but silent, he's the asshole with a heart of gold, he has everything", rosinante is hot tho and his clumsiness somehow enhances it", "I've said it before and I'll say it again I WOULD climb that clumsy king like a tall tree want to kiss him until his silly jester makeup is all over me too", "I am loyal to the guy who actively sets himself on fire",

Sabo: "bc he said killing woth lead pipes and then he just kept doing it its the crazy for me"

Sanji: fail wife, Cooking Daddy, "I NEED sanji to f*** me to tuesday and make me dinner before and breakfast after", "The man will feed you the best meal you've ever had and genuinely compliment something about you", "His fighting style is 'kick the problem until it goes away' and he chugs Love Women Juice", "he can cook and fight and he's damn fine while doing both"

Shanks: Margaritaville Himbo, "Dilflicious", "the deadbeat malewife wifi user", "I am a whole lesbian but if there were a butch girl version of these men I would let shanks ruin my life", "favorite guy in the local frat" He's probably a walking STD risk but he's hot and I'm a slut that has a thing for red heads, "the unwashed bitch", "LOOK AT THAT SCRUFF ON SHANKS the three scars on his face that smile", "my Scrungle drunk bastard", I would volunteer to be his next baby mama you know shanks got a few a dozen red haired children all over the grand line tell me I'm wrong"

Smoothie: "ah...smoothie....or as i call her... one piece tsunade Imaoo", "ultimately my desire to be crushed by Smoothie's thighs won out", "SMOOTHIE. THANK YOU mommy long legs... gauhggfghgh......i want her to juice me pleeeeaaaseeeeeeeeeee /silly",

Silvers Rayleigh: "Silver Fox Rayleigh", "he's old but he can get it", "Rayleigh has that 'your daughter calls me daddy too' energy", "he's a gilf who married a literal queen", "rayleigh has spent his entire life SERVING CUNT", "Raiyleigh has that gilf energy despite having no kids", I need him in so many different ways I cannot list", "he has my heart around his little finger", "Rayleigh makes me howl like a dog I swear", "I mean come on look at his HAIR his GLASSES that incredible STARE even his wrinkles are hot", "Rayleigh got the 50 year anniversary in the bag idk why you would go for anything else", "helloooo????? Rayleigh is the hottest old guy in one piece please", "I would let rayleigh ruin me and I would thank him", "Rayleigh to me is more like a really smooth mead", "genuinely may be the hottest man of onep just like. objectively", "rayleigh you will always be famous for being the most fuckable old man ever. there may be dilfs galore out there but ur the only gilf in my heart", "that scene where Rayleigh gets out of the ocean shirtless After swimming to the island of women I actually said Daddy out loud",

Smoker: "Smokedaddy", "Smokestack. 'Ole Smokey. Smokin' Hot Smoker", "smokers allergy to keeping his Tits covered compels me", "i do love smoked sausage i'm sorry i'll see myself out", "smoker he's just so beefy like fuckkk and he's like almost 40 i just wanna be smokers lil housewife", "smoker is a beautiful lesbian to me", "smoked sausage I just *know* he's got more to work with than a cocktail weenie", "SMOKEYBEAR PAPA SMOKE MY KING i would smoke him like a chimney if you're pickin up what I'm putting down wink wink nudge nudge he really would kill my lungs but it'd be a fun time", "SMOKER PAPUCHO RICO I NEED HIM", "smoker is solid (despite being made of smoke)", "smoker. smo-yan. ultimate "guy who is allergic to wearing shirts" and honestly? he's so right for that. he needs to show off his tits! in a one piece man boob ranking he's coming number 2 (after crocodile) i said this in dms earlier today but it needs to be released to the world "fat d*ck fat tits fat ass he has it all" smoker is PACKINNNNN in every way he's genuinely so attractive, even just considering him physically and look at his sexy facial scar also (beck also has one. very good) and his slicked back short hair.....not to mention the things that are very endearing about him personality wise - he does masculinity like NOBODY ELSE. genuinely NO ONE does it like him like. he's gruff but he has a very strong personal moral code and he really *does* care..... the man's a tsundere and he's never been cruel to those undeserving like in his introduction - kids bumps into him, spills ice cream on his pants YOU KNOW WHAT SMOKER SAYS? YK WHAT HE SAYS? "my pants ate your ice cream." KILL ME NOWWWWWW HES SO FUCKING HOT IM EATING MY OWN HANDS and then he GIVES THE KID MONEY TO BUY MORE ICE CREAM. jesus christ smoker big d*ick big tits big heart i fucking love him good god", "something something vague moaning sounds I would call him smokey just to provoke him", "

Trafalgar Law: "DR. Slut", "He has them tattoos which makes me go fucking feral", "A stoner greasy boyfailure", "the edgy emo orphan boy with daddy issues", 'My tried stressed bitch", "law is hot because hes pathetic has tattoos and is the narrative's favorite punching", "i am DERANGED over a depressed formerly-suicidal surgeon",

Yamato: "I need my trans man big naturals...... I know nothing about one piece but yamato lives rent free in my brain and my heart at all times the only anime figure i have is of him and i don't even watch the fucking show", "he's new + he's trans + he's over 8 feet tall + he's a wolf god what more could you want?!", "he is filled to the brim with TRANSMASC SWAG", "it's transmasc dog boy swag for me he's my best boy", "Yamato's boobs call to me I need to motorboat yamato titties. whoa who said that", "yamato could crush me and i would thank him yes indeed", "I just found out Yamato is Literally a whole entire meter taller than me & that's all the convincing I need", "my canon transmasc king", "cant compete with is the fact that on top of beautiful yamato is just. fucking huge like i can not will not get over it every time i remember he's 8'7 in canon I'm like aaaAaaAaAAaAAAAaa kiss me on the mouth big boy", "as an aroace person. if yamato stepped on me id thank him. thank you for your time", "hes literally the whole reason i started watching/reading one piece

Zoro: "The President of the strawhat's local big titty committee", "The king of boobs", "Beautiful butch dyke wife", I would probably get an STD but it would be worth it, "his stupidity and gay attire make him very appealing", canonically the biggest tits in one piece, He got them big naturals, "Big honkabadonkaroo hoinkybadinkirs massive man tiddies Zoro", "Zoro oozes 'I won't let anyone hurt you' energy", "zoro is hot because of his big naturals

Zeff: "He will wine and dine me before leaving me lovingly bedridden the day after. And he actually takes care of his kid", "Zeff is honorable and can cook and clean and bathes and almost dies for a kid that's not his and then adopts him" He's got line cook energy. If you know you know

I definitely know I'm going to have to add to this since there's so many more characters and you all are definitely going to get more creative after seeing the list.

And a few observations. Why did Sanji make the daddy list and not Zoro? Characters that I thought would be short cliff notes turned into some of the longest sections And characters I thought would have some of the longest sections turned into some of the shortest ones. And I still think this was worse theyn JJK I just forget how unhinged this fandom can be because your unhinged craziness is dispersed amongst so many characters. And I haven't decided which fandom's next.

I now have my answer on why Sanji made the list and not Zoro. Overall the fandom is just thirsty so very thirsty. Hence the many updates to this list

Commentary added as of May 4th.

Characters that I never thought I would ever add to this post are on here and I am so confused. When I started this blog, I was warned that the JJK fandom was unhinged horny and thirsty AF. But in my opinion, the one piece fandom is much worse. Just look at this post for proof. One Piece you guys are definitely the thirstiest fandom by far I mean Catherine Devon has a section. You guys just hide it better than the JJK Fandom. Plus I do regret challenging a few of you to come up with tags as a joke because you definitely delivered

[aishabellasbigblogofeverything]

And Honestly...

Women who bend over backwards to defend men or call out "misandry" that men are supposedly oppressed by, especially by rallying against lesbians and feminists, are so pathetic and stupid in my eyes, and always inspire in me a combination of amusement and pity. Like what do you mean you don't hate them? What do you mean you don't live in fear? What do you mean you fucking feel bad for them that they decided we were a lesser group worthy of degradation and humiliation and would rather emotionally repress themselves and each other than be seen as adjacent to us in any capacity? Are you naive or what? Don't tell me you're caping for your oppressors, as if the shit underneath their boot really tastes that good that you'd rather lick it then stand in solidarity with the smart women who actually call out misogyny and don't coddle men's bruised baby egos even when it doesn't spare men's feelings. The men you're defending don't give a shit about you or any of us and would sooner leave you to rot then treat you as the human being that you deserve to be treated as, so I don't know what benefits you expected to receive from throwing your own under the bus and worshipping men like they're kings. A pat on the back, maybe? Lol.. What a truly depressing and bleak existence you lead. Could never be me. 🤣 Trust me, men couldn't care less about your problems, they certainly don't need you on your hands and knees trying to fix theirs even if they convinced you that they do(because men would rather blame women for their problems then admit they have them and get to work fixing them, everything is a woman's fault and here you are contributing to that shit). Like seriously. Stop the cap.

It reminds me of this Tumblr post:

Like sorry to be harsh but it's true. You're not and will never be "one of the good ones" so if you're one of those women who defends men from those mean misandrist dykes then I suggest you wake the fuck up before you find out the hard way how little these men think of you. While you're kissing their assholes until you're brown in the nose, this is what they're saying about you. Pathetic. Get a fucking grip, and some self-respect too while you're at it, sis. It's honestly pretty appalling.

[cordeliaflyte]

many of my friends are writers and i always admire but completely cannot relate to the ways they write. they write poetry, prose, drama etc based on their emotions and experiences. often it's cathartic for them. hey i had a whole novel written about the insane dyke drama i was going through that i am not allowed to read 😍😍😍 for me that is absolutely not the case. but i loved it so much when at school there would be a very specific assignment. like write a poem about our school's patron (is this a thing worldwide? a school will be named after a famous historical figure king academic historian war hero whatever...). or write a story about this specific theme. write a letter home to your parents as a polish soldier in the napoleonic wars. i LOVED that that is my dream job. it never occurs to me that hmmm i should write a poem about something i am going through... but when i attended a poetry club and there was a specific prompt every week i loved that. or poetry competitions with a specific theme. the more specific the better. "write a love poem" = bad. imprecise. "write a ghazal about a statue in the capital of turkmenistan" = literally my dream come true people should pay me for this

[sapphicscience]

it's so true bc whatever you think about her actual literal sexual orientation, clearly gay rumors are not as devastating to her as some people act like they are, bc she could simply...not go on tour with girl in red. not talk about how big a fan she is of king princess. not invite every dyke in the music industry to her parties. etc

[inairbinad]

I Don't Think It's Contagious

5.3k words, also on ao3

Just some Pre-Season 2 Platonic (obviously) Stobin-centric fluff because they deserved to be friends sooner. With Steddie and Buckingham pining sprinkled in. All part of my magical fairy dust AU where Barb lives. Never Quite as it Seems helps to set this up, but it's not necessary to read first.

Life had gotten weird for Robin in the tail end of her sophomore year at Hawkins High. Weird because not only had she and Barb revived their friendship, but eventually Barb also confided in Robin that she was a lesbian, and dating Nancy Wheeler. It was the first inkling that Robin had ever gotten that she might not be terribly alone in this godforsaken town, which was nice, if not wildly surprising. Then, to top that particularly stunning revelation off and to really make Robin feel like maybe she’d lost her mind, she ended up friends with Steve Harrington, of all people. 

The revelation that Steve was capable of caring about people other than himself had come one dragging afternoon in the spring of '84. One minute things were normal; Robin was minding her own business and trying to get her shit from her locker and get out of there as quickly as possible. The mundanity got tossed like a salad, however, when Tommy H and Carol decided they wanted to cause a scene and harass Steve for deigning to talk to Barb. It seemed less about Barb, and more like she was just unlucky enough to get caught in the crossfire of the ongoing chill between Steve and his former minions. No one really knew why the three of them were on the outs these days, beyond the fact that back in November, Steve had abruptly started hanging out more with Jonathan Byers than he ever did Tommy H. anymore.

Robin watched the whole exchange while half-hiding behind her locker door, flinching at Carol tossing the d-word around, and then nearly having a stroke as Steve stood up for Barb. Even though Carol had just loudly declared for everyone to hear that she thought Barb had stolen Steve’s girlfriend. Steve shrugged it off, and said he’d rather be friends with Barb than the pair of goons that had followed him around like puppies for as long as Robin could remember.

That night, Robin tried to call Barb for the first time in years just to check on her. Whether what Carol had said was true or not didn’t really matter, and at the time Robin had no idea either way. Regardless, she felt the keen sting of being called out like that in front of a huge crowd of people, feeling the blow hit a little too close to home. Barb hadn’t answered her call, but Robin couldn’t exactly blame her there, either. 

Then Steve and Barb had showed up the next morning, blasting We Are Family through the windows of Steve’s fancy car, and the former King had cemented his new reputation. No longer was he known as royalty, or The Hair. No, now he was Steve “Dyke Defender” Harrington, and he apparently wore that badge proudly. 

It was enough to make Robin wonder if maybe there was something more to Bagel Crumb Boy. 

Eventually, Barb got back to Robin, and they started talking again like no time had passed at all. Not only because eventually Barb admitted to Robin that the rumors about her hadn’t exactly been wrong, but also because Robin hadn’t realized how much she’d missed having Barb to talk to. Even though she hadn’t been brave enough to come out herself, yet, she knew Barb would be in her corner regardless, and that gave Robin a sense of peace she’d never really known before.

————

Now that it was the fall and she was starting her junior year, most mornings Robin woke up trying to make sense of how her life had changed so drastically. After a summer of hanging around each other thanks to the persuasive powers of Barb, somehow Robin had reached the point where she could consider herself Steve Harrington’s friend. That was surprising enough on its own, but she also liked him. He was funny, and they had startlingly similar senses of humor, and he really seemed to give a shit about Robin and her feelings, which was new. 

Somehow, by complete accident, she’d ended up in a group of friends that felt like kindred spirits.

Before Robin knew it, she was in a world where she sat next to Steve Harrington at lunch every day, laughing at his corny jokes and watching him try to flirt with whatever girls still liked him, post-dethroning. There were still a lot more of them than Robin thought were strictly warranted, but that might have been her old friend jealousy perking up to say hello. 

Today was different, though. 

Today Steve was hung up on a boy. Or several, rather.

“Did you and Jonathan have a fight, or something?” Barb asked, following Steve’s gaze to where Jonathan Byers stood in the lunch line. Robin assumed that, like most days, he was only briefly stopping by to grab his food before taking it somewhere he wouldn’t have to interact with people much. 

Sometimes Jonathan sat with them, too. But usually he used their lunch break to decompress and go take photos of something before he got thrust back under the fluorescent lights and rigidly dull boredom of a classroom.

It was one of the reasons Robin found Jonathan wildly relatable. 

Robin still wasn't sure how exactly the little foursome of Steve, Jonathan, Nancy, and Barb had ended up being the best of friends, seemingly overnight, but she was pretty sure she'd get the whole story eventually.

“What?” Steve asked, startling at the sound of Barb’s voice alone, even though she was nearly talking at a whisper.

“You’re staring,” Barb pointed out. “And looking kind of miserable about it.”

“Oh. Well,” Steve chewed his lip, then quickly glanced around to see if anyone was paying the four of them any attention. They weren’t, because they were largely irrelevant, as far as social circles went. “We didn’t have a fight. I’ve just been having some…thoughts.”

“Dangerous,” Robin quipped, and Steve shot her a half-hearted glare. She took a little bit of pride in watching how the corner of his mouth twitched into a tiny smile all the same. 

“What kind of thoughts?” Nancy asked, though she had that look on her face that she got when she already knew the answer.

“The kind that make me wonder if I’ve been hanging around you two too much,” Steve muttered. Robin snorted, knowing exactly where this was going. 

“I don’t think it’s contagious, dingus,” she said, patting him on the shoulder. Although, even though Robin wasn’t out to any of the others yet, she did wonder if maybe their collective queerness drew them together like a magnet.

“What is?” Barb asked, not yet up to speed.

That was another thing about Steve—he and Robin seemed to ride the same wavelength at all times. Whenever the two of them thought something was obvious, it usually took an extra explainer for the others. 

“I just think he’s cute, is all,” Steve sighed, and Barb’s eyes went wide. Not because they hadn’t talked about Steve’s realization that he was also attracted to boys already. They’d actually spent a good chunk of the summer on that revelation, particularly on rather scorching days spent lounging at the pool while Steve stared agog at most people who walked by. He’d ask Robin, ironically enough, if he was crazy when he found a particular guy attractive. She’d done her best to pretend to have taste in boys, in the name of being supportive while staying safely ensconced in her own closet. Nancy's way of showing support, by contrast, was doing enough research to convince Steve that being bisexual was, indeed, a thing.

Today, Barb merely seemed surprised to hear Jonathan’s name mentioned in the context of Steve's thoroughly examined sexuality crisis.

Nancy started easily nodding along, taking in Jonathan’s profile from afar. Eventually she said, “I can see that."

“You can?” Barb asked her girlfriend, her surprise growing bigger still. 

“Yeah,” Nancy shrugged. 

Barb stared between Steve, who was absently picking the crust off his sandwich and trying not to make eye contact with anyone, and Nancy, who was obviously trying not to laugh at Barb’s reaction. Finally, Barb landed back on Steve.

“You want to date Jonathan?” she whispered so low that Robin could barely even hear her, despite the fact that they all had their heads bowed together across the width of the lunch table. 

“I didn’t say that!” Steve countered quickly. “I just…am noticing more, now, who I think is cute around here. Or letting myself notice, I guess.”

“Who else are we talking?” Robin asked with her eyebrows raised. She was honestly still flabbergasted that this was even something Steve talked with her about at all, given that she wasn’t out to him yet, either. But apparently all of her gay friends seemed to trust Robin to keep their secrets. It was enough to make her wonder if they had some idea about her, anyway.

“I mean, that new guy is hot,” Steve admitted as he leaned back in his chair. “He seems kind of like an asshole, though.”

“Definitely is one,” Barb muttered. “He’s already got Tommy and those guys hanging off him.” 

“Right, see?” Steve huffed. “That's why I’m very much in a look but don’t touch mode right now.”

“Really? There’s no one at all you’d want to shove into a locker and make out with?” Barb asked. She had a glint in her eye that let Robin know Barb already had a candidate in mind, and she just wanted Steve to own up to it. The way Steve glared at her before determinedly starting at his sandwich again told Robin that he knew that, too.

“Okay, fine. Maybe this guy in my English class.” Steve mumbled it so thoroughly that it all came out as one syllable, though. Barb and Nancy immediately turned to Robin for her to translate.

“This guy in his English class,” Robin obliged, enunciating to the best of her ability. 

“Say it a little louder, Rob,” Steve grumbled at her. 

“Okay, dingus. THIS GUY—” she started at an absurd volume, but Steve clapped a hand over her mouth with a truly tortured sounding sigh. It perked Robin up innumerably. 

“You should talk to him,” Nancy suggested, cheerfully redirecting them with practiced skill. 

Steve was already shaking his head, though. “I can’t do that.”

“Why not?” Barb asked. 

Because even if he did, he runs the risk of getting shoved into a locker himself, but in the bad way. And probably much worse, if he’s too obvious about it, Robin thought cynically. She kept her mouth shut, though.

“Because he probably hates me,” Steve said. 

Robin rather sourly admitted to herself that this was likely true, too. At least, it probably was if this guy hadn’t already been one of King Steve’s worshipers. And if he was one of those, that likely meant he didn’t deserve the actual Steve that Robin had come to know.

Weird, Robin told herself. She still couldn’t adjust to liking this guy enough to think he deserved the best a boyfriend or girlfriend could give him. But she did. 

“Why would he hate you?” Nancy asked.

“Because most smart people around here do,” Steve said glumly. “And he’s really smart.”

“Um,” Barb cleared her throat, then leveled Steve with a stern look. “You’re sitting with possibly three of the smartest people you’ll ever meet, Steve. None of us hate you.”

“But you all used to,” Steve pointed out flatly.

“And now we know you,” Barb argued. “And that changes things. Right, Robin?”

Barb kicked her under the table, and Robin jolted up out of her slouch.

“Right!” Robin agreed. Even though she wasn’t entirely aware of how to deal with this new version of Steve Harrington, she had begrudgingly admitted that she actually liked him a lot quite a while ago. “You’re much less of an asshole than I thought.”

“Thank you,” Steve deadpanned. 

“You’re welcome,” Robin said in as chipper a tone she could muster. “They’re right, though.”

“About?”

“The mystery man,” Robin clarified, even though she couldn’t believe she was doing it. This felt like playing with fire, but the funny thing about that was that it still warmed her heart. “If you talk to him, get to know him, he won’t hate you. Maybe he already doesn’t.”

————

After school, Robin was having particular trouble wrestling her bike lock open. She really needed a new one, but she also couldn’t afford it. She was about thirty seconds from giving up and walking when Steve crouched down beside her.

“Need some help?” He asked, flashing that annoyingly charming smile of his at her before he got to work unsticking the lock. He didn’t wait for Robin’s reply, she noticed. She didn’t argue, though, instead choosing to watch the way some of his stupid hair flopped over his forehead while he freed her bike from its prison. The lock finally popped open with a click. “There.” 

“Thanks,” Robin said, taking Steve’s offered hand as she dragged herself up off the ground. He held on to her for just a fraction too long, probably aware that Robin took at least an extra two-to-three seconds to get her bearings compared to everyone else. 

“No problem,” Steve smiled again, then leaned against the brick wall of the school. Robin tensed. She only ever saw Steve lean against things when he was flirting. “You want a ride? We can go get some ice cream, or something?”

“Um,” She stalled, now seeing his helping hand and the gentle grip on her waist in an entirely different light. Especially when he kept smiling at her like that. “What happened to the guy from English class?”

“What?” Steve asked, pinching his eyebrows together in confusion.

Robin didn’t quite feel like waiting for whatever telepathic thing they had going on to kick in, so she just said it outright.

“Just because I don’t think you’re a douchebag anymore doesn’t mean I think we should date, is all,” Robin managed to get out. 

“Um,” Steve scratched his neck and let out a small squeak of a laugh. He looked almost apologetic, and Robin realized she’d probably taken a wayward turn, somewhere. “I wasn’t asking you out. Just thought we could…hang out. Like friends do? Like we do?”

“Oh,” Robin said, feeling like an idiot all of a sudden. She’d gone and had a minor freak out just because Steve leaned against something. She thought maybe the only way to stop the mad awkwardness spreading like a virus through her mind was to tell him the truth, and soon. It was starting to make Robin paranoid, letting people think she was straight. Which was ironic, because it used to be the other way around. 

“Yeah,” Steve nodded with a small smile. “Oh.”

Robin shuffled her feet uncomfortably, feeling like maybe she owed him an apology now, but Steve saved her the trouble. 

“So. Ice cream?” he asked again, still wanting to hang around her for some reason.

“Sure! Right. But, um,” Robin chewed her bottom lip. “What about my bike?”

“It’ll fit in the trunk,” Steve shrugged, then nodded in the direction of his car, inviting Robin to follow.

“How come I’m the only one you let eat in here?” Robin asked around a mouthful of mint chip, twenty minutes later. They were sitting in Steve’s car in the parking lot of the local ice cream shop, since Steve insisted their cookie dough was better than anything Dairy Queen could come up with. “I’m the clumsiest person you know, waving the messiest thing you can eat around your leather interior.”

“Buffalo wings are the messiest thing you can eat,” Steve corrected her with a grin. “Or maybe crab legs. Not ice cream in a cup.”

“Okay, rich boy,” Robin groaned. “Answer the question.”

Steve rolled his eyes at her and shoved another spoonful of ice cream in his face before he bothered to reply.

“You might be the clumsiest person I know,” he admitted without fanfare, “but I also happen to like you the best.”

“What?” Robin asked, nearly choking. “Really?”

“Yes, really,” Steve scoffed like that should have been obvious to Robin. It totally wasn’t, though, especially since he wasn’t trying to hit on her.

“Why?” she blurted.

“You’re cool,” Steve started, but had to pause in light of how loudly Robin snorted. He didn’t argue with her disbelief, though. He just kept going. “You’re funny, you’re crazy smart, you’re always honest, and you don’t fuck around with people’s feelings. I’m always laughing with you, even when no one else gets our jokes. You’re kind of my best friend, Robin.”

Robin really didn’t know what to make of that, except for the fact that she was surprised to find she felt the same way. That didn’t mean she wouldn’t give him some shit for it, though.

“Oh, am I?” She asked, tone teasing. 

“Yes,” Steve grumbled. “Am I not yours?”

“Pft,” Robin blew out a puff of air. “Not even close.”

“No?” Steve gasped, putting on a pout now.

“Nope,” Robin said simply.

“Not even top five?”

“Eeeeh,” Robin wobbled her hand midair, like maybe Steve could tip the scales if he tried harder. 

“You’re meaner than I thought,” he said flatly, but couldn’t hold a grin off his face for too long. Neither could Robin.

“You’re nicer than I thought,” she countered. Steve chuckled to start, a soft appreciative little laugh. But then they made eye-contact and lost control of themselves. They tumbled into silly, senseless laughter, just spurring each other deeper into whatever they both found so hilarious in that moment. Robin wasn’t even sure that she knew, beyond maybe being on a sugar high. She only knew Steve’s laughter was contagious.

It always made her feel lighter, to be around him like this. So by the time they both calmed down, she decided to be upfront with him.

“I haven’t really had a best friend,” Robin admitted. “Not for a long time, anyway. Maybe not since Barb, the first time around.”

“The last best friend I had was a dickhead, so,” Steve lifted one shoulder in a shrug, “maybe they're overrated.”

“They’re not,” Robin disagreed, hiding a smile by staring down at the spoon in her hand. Eventually she was brave enough to look back up at Steve, to find he looked both confused and hopeful all at once. It was pretty cute, in an overwhelmingly platonic sort of way. “You’re mine, too, dingus.”

Steve’s smile was all-encompassing, taking over his whole face in an instant. Robin still didn’t know how to handle the little bubble of warmth in her chest that it gave her, so she gave him an affectionate punch on the arm, and changed the subject.

“Speaking of which. Do you have notes from Click’s class?” Robin asked of the only class they shared together. For the second year in a row, the powers that be at Hawkins High decided that Steve and Robin were on the same skill level for learning history. Robin wasn’t sure what that said about either of them.

“Um, no?” Steve answered, surprised like it was the first time someone had ever asked him for notes. “No one’s ever asked for my notes, before.”

Robin bit down on a laugh, not wanting him to misconstrue it as her thinking he was stupid when it was really just his voicing her exact thoughts again. They’d only declared each other to be best friends all of a minute ago, but Robin knew Steve was sensitive about that. In fact, she was kind of surprised he didn’t have notes.

“How is that possible?” she asked. “You’re constantly writing in that class!” 

“Doodling, mostly,” Steve laughed. “Why don’t you have notes, smarty pants?”

“Oh, I haven’t been paying attention in there all semester,” Robin answered a little too quickly. Now she’d have to come up with a reason for that, because Steve was absolutely pursing his lips to ask.

“Why not?”

“No reason…” Robin hedged. Just because they were best friends didn’t mean she was quite sure how to admit that she liked girls, and that Tammy Thompson so thoroughly distracted Robin that she turned into a bumbling buffoon at every turn. For two semesters running.  

Steve could have pressed it, Robin even expected him to, but he took his time finishing his cookie dough before saying another word. Then he surprised her.

“Want to know a secret?” he asked, smiling at Robin conspiratorially.

“Obviously,” Robin said. 

“The guy from English? He’s in history with us, too,” Steve admitted, and Robin felt her eyebrows shoot off her forehead and into orbit. She barely had time to squeak before Steve continued with a worried look on his face. “Don’t tell Barb or Nance, though. Barb already suspects who it is and if she finds out for real she’s gonna make me talk to him. Like that would ever go anywhere.”

That was a lot to process, but Robin didn’t really feel the need to make it clear she understood the concept of a secret. Of course she wasn’t going to tell anyone else. Instead, she asked, “Why are you so hellbent on thinking this guy hates you?”

For some reason, Steve’s mouth pinched right after Robin said hellbent, and she thought there might be a clue to suss out there. She started sorting through her mental Rolodex of everyone else that was in that class with them. The problem was she rarely paid attention to anyone but Tammy in those hours, let alone any guys. Usually Robin’s lens of focus was limited to the chain of her staring at Tammy staring at Steve. Apparently she’d have to extend that to see who Steve was staring at, too.

Robin picked at the last dredges of her ice cream and wondered if maybe anyone would ever stare at her. 

“It’s not just that,” Steve sighed. “I mean. Even if he doesn’t hate me, and we end up friends? It’s not like I can actually shove him against a locker and make out with him.”

“Well, maybe not with anyone around,” Robin amended. 

“What are the odds of him being into dudes, too?” Steve let out a bitter laugh. “I mean, really. This is Hawkins.”

“I wouldn’t make too many assumptions there, Steve,” Robin all but whispered. Even knowing she was about to tell Steve the truth, all of it, and knowing she was safe to, Robin still felt her throat closing up around the words. 

“Why not?” Steve asked softly, not missing how her demeanor had changed for a second. 

Robin took a deep breath, then let it out in a rush.

“Because apparently there are more of us around than I realized,” Robin said, turning to give Steve a tight smile. She managed to keep her tears from spilling over, which she counted as a win. Robin sat there, holding her breath and waiting, as Steve paused to absorb what she was saying. At first Robin thought she hadn’t been clear enough, but Steve mouthed the word ‘us’ to himself, and his eyes widened as he put the pieces together.

“Oh,” he breathed, before breaking out in another little smile. “Really?”

“Yes, really,” Robin nodded. She felt like her whole body was full of pins and needles.

“That’s cool,” Steve mirrored her nod, smiling at Robin like she really was his favorite person. It finally made her relax again. 

“Thanks,” Robin chuckled. "I know you're a staunch defender of us lesbians."

"That's me," Steve deadpanned, but offered Robin a wry smile. She reached across the center console to ruffle his hair, relishing the relief of having finally said it aloud to someone flooding through her. Steve made an affronted noise, quickly turning to fix his hair in the mirror, and Robin just laughed at him harder. 

“Is there anyone that you want to shove up against a locker?” Steve parried once he felt he had his pride and joy back under control. When Robin’s only response was a groan, his eyes lit up again. “Ooooh! Who!”

“Nope,” Robin rejected this idea on principle, shaking her head furiously as she did.

“Oh, come on,” Steve whined, really pouting now. “I’ll tell you mine!”

“I already know yours,” Robin scoffed, bluffing. To compensate, she rolled down her window and threw her empty ice cream cup into the trash can they were parked next to. Then she folded her arms across her chest and tried to give Steve a stern look. 

“Nah,” Steve shook his head after narrowing his eyes at her for a beat. “You don’t know.”

He was right, of course, but Robin was sure she could figure it out if only she gave it enough thought. So she stared Steve down, thinking about the kind of people she already knew he found attractive. Nancy, for one, but that wasn’t entirely helpful considering he tended to like any pretty girl. He did tend to skew towards brunettes, though. Then of course there was the Jonathan revelation, which was interesting. Robin would have assumed Steve liked more polished types, like him. But the new guy, Billy something or other, wasn’t exactly preppy, either. His whole vibe screamed badass, even if it wasn’t necessarily in a good way. There were better options for pretty but with leather in Hawkins, even Robin had to admit.

Then Robin remembered how Steve’s mouth pinched when she’d said hellbent. Almost like he thought she might say hellfire. She broke out in a victorious grin, already knowing she had Steve figured out.

“Eddie Munson?!” she half-shrieked. Even if Robin hadn’t already been sure, the way the tips of Steve’s ears turned pink would have convinced her.

“How did you…?” He didn’t even bother to finish the sentence, opting instead to stare at Robin, mouth agape. 

A whole litany of examples of proof came flooding into Robin’s mind at that point, like that bit of information clicking had opened a door to all the shit she must have subconsciously picked up on and filed away when she was wondering what Tammy Thompson’s lip gloss tasted like.

She was happy to list them for Steve’s benefit.

“You stare, for one,” Robin said, ticking off fingers. “You laugh at his obnoxious jokes, even when no one else does. I’ve seen him make you blush, more than once, come to think of it. And you kind of have a type.”

Steve just kept staring at her, without objection. Robin thought maybe she could stun him out of his silence, since that was how she’d put him in it in the first place.

“For what it’s worth? I think you have a shot,” she said. Robin didn’t know much about picking queer men out from a crowd, obviously, but Munson spent a whole lot of his time paying attention to Steve, too. 

That only seemed to stun Steve further, though. He grunted, sort of, though it sounded a little bit like a whimper. Then he turned the ignition and pulled out of the parking lot. It didn’t seem like they were headed anywhere in particular, but Robin didn’t mind.

After a few more minutes of silence, Robin was starting to worry that she’d broken his brain when Steve finally spoke again.

“You don’t have to tell me who you like,” Steve said simply, rescinding his earlier demands. It seemed like he was actually starting to drive in the direction of her house, now. “But I am glad that you told me about you.”

“Me too, dingus,” Robin said. It was possible she’d never meant anything more sincerely. 

By the time Steve pulled up beside the curb outside her house, Robin threw caution to the wind. 

“Tammy Thompson,” she admitted aloud, for the first time ever. Somehow it was more nerve-wracking than telling Steve she was gay at all.

“What?” he half-yelled, twisting around in the driver’s seat to face her. “How? Why?”

“She’s pretty!” Robin defended her taste as much as Tammy. She kind of thought that would have been enough for Steve, but he was still eyeing her skeptically. So she added, “And she can sing.”

“She sounds like a muppet, but okay,” Steve drawled. 

“She does not!” Robin exclaimed. Despite her indignation, she couldn’t quite keep the laugh out of her voice. Steve caught it, and laughed with her.

“She totally does,” he chuckled, then tilted his head at her. “I totally thought you were gonna say someone like…I don’t know. Chrissy Cunningham.”

“Chrissy Cunningham doesn’t even know I exist,” Robin said scornfully. “Talk about playing above my league.”

Steve was wildly shaking his head back and forth, though.

“Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope,” he said. “No talk like that in my car. You’re very much worthy of a Chrissy Cunningham. Plus, even if she doesn’t know you now, I bet she’d want to. She likes everybody, as long as you’re not a complete asshole.”

“So does that mean she hates you, then?” Robin opted for the joke instead of continuing to debate the merits of her switching to crushing on everyone’s favorite cheerleader. 

“Asshole!” Steve volleyed back at her with a laugh.

“And me too, apparently,” Robin grinned.

————

Robin still didn’t have any notes for Mrs. Click’s class, so she was really trying to focus on anything but Tammy, and Steve, and now Eddie, so she could actually take in some of this crap she had to memorize long enough to repeat it back on a test. 

It wasn’t going great, because now she was invested in the Steve and Eddie story line. Particularly since they were passing notes back and forth at the moment. Every time Steve bit his lip or tinted slightly pink, Robin was dying to know what they were saying to each other. But every time she kicked the back of Steve’s chair to try and get his attention, he shooed her off and went back to scribbling out a reply to Eddie.

Eddie, for his part, seemed equally affected by Steve, as he frequently slouched even lower in his chair or hid a smile behind his ever-growing hair whenever he read one of Steve’s replies.

They were almost sickeningly cute. She was happy they were getting along, at the very least, but it seemed like flirting from where she was sitting.

“Oh, you’re asking for it, big boy,” Eddie said then, looking up from whatever Steve had written last with a little bit of astonishment in his eyes. 

Robin rolled hers. Definitely flirting. 

Even though she was happy for Steve, it still sent a pang of jealousy coursing through her. She wondered if Steve was just abnormally lucky, or if she wasn’t looking in the right places for a crush that might acknowledge her. When she realized she was drifting away from the point of this class again—history, not finding a girlfriend—she gripped her pencil so hard it snapped the tip off. 

Groaning aloud over it, Robin leaned over to try and find another one in her bag. Before she got it fully unzipped, though, someone tapped her on the shoulder. 

Robin looked up to find none other than Chrissy Cunningham smiling down at her over the edge of her desk. Robin stared up at her for half a beat too long, noticing how Chrissy's signature ponytail dangled over her shoulder and gave Robin a lungful of the citrusy smell of her shampoo.

“Here,” she said, offering Robin a spare pencil. Hesitantly—probably too hesitantly—Robin reached up and accepted it. She was pretty sure she was gaping at Chrissy’s having acknowledged her, though, because Chrissy laughed a little nervously.

“Sorry, I was staring a little,” she whispered. Then she paused, eyes widening, and course corrected. “At your bracelet, I mean! It’s really pretty, by the way. Um. So I noticed the—” Chrissy stopped to mime snapping a pencil in half, adding a little cracking noise along with it.

It was adorable enough to be a whole new kind of distracting.

“Right,” Robin managed a smile that she hoped was friendly and not completely creepy. “Thanks.”

“Anytime,” Chrissy smiled again. 

This time, Steve had to kick Robin’s desk to get her to even remember what world she was living in. 

[cql-hungergames]

CONGRATULATIONS TO OUR WINNERS WEI WUXIAN AND WEN QING OF THE CQL HUNGER GAMES!!!

In a spectacular act of mercy, over half of you voted for World Peace and to airlift out Wei Wuxian and Wen Qing from the Games. Whether they would have raced to sacrifice themselves for the other first or gotten into an epic smackdown (which Wen Qing, with a gun courtesy of @stupid-dyke, was favored to have won) shall be forever a mystery, but nonetheless, the true winner of the CQL Hunger Games is mlm/wlw solidarity!

Given that everyone else has died, we at least have the king of the necromancers Yiling Laozu and the best damn doctor in all of the jianghu, so a happy ending may yet be in the cards, even if being resurrected as a fierce corpse does make Lan Qiren and Sect Leader Yao wish they were dead all over again.

Thank you so much to everyone for an amazing tournament, for cheering for your faves, spreading propaganda in the tags, and putting Jiang Cheng through a new kind of misery. He (and I!) will never forget it. :))

It's been an honor, guys. 🫡

[booksrbetterthanpeople]

This post! Science Kids Edition

Aurore: Straight Hair, Straight A’s, But She Ain’t Straight

She/Her Disaster Lesbian

Your classic closeted lesbian who sneaks out with her squad to go to pride under the guise of going to SAT prep

Her brother also comes up with clever cover stories

She gets a little… Wild

This is the one month out of the year where she doesn’t have to be the mom friend, and she makes it everyone’s problem

This girl will run through glitter, drink a ton of soda, and go on stage with drag queens and kings… And she has

It’s important to keep her on a leash

Aurore has punched a TERF and she’ll do it again!

Wears all of the lesbian flag print stuff she can find and SLAYS

Every time Aurore slaps a homophobe, a lesbian gets a girlfriend

Has a secret lgbtqia+ Instagram account. It’s just a bunch of gay stuff

She lets Cosette and Marc do her makeup before every event

This girl is a total simp. Once, a tall girl with waist length hair walked by, and Aurore swore she saw a goddess

Drinks the most juice pouches and it keeps her wide awake

Alyssa Greene and Little Miss Perfect are her anthems

Kissing every girl she sees… With consent.

Mireille: If You A TERF, You Yonna Die

She/They Omnisexual Demigirl

Her singing voice?… Beautiful

She got invited by drag queens to sing on stage with them

Will carry you if you ask

His gotten into many fights with protestors

Now they bring rainbow boxing gloves just in case

Pride is Mireille’s time to shine!

They dress in suits, lip sync, and leave everyone simping

Aurore’s impulse control… Actually, everyone’s impulse control

Makes sure to supply snack bags

Always looking glamorous in their nine inch heels

She and Theo are half siblings who enjoy crushing gender roles

Blows glitter in protestors’ faces, does a hair flip, and sashays away

Every time Mireille hugs someone, a small trans boy gets gets his wings

She and Denise are the most responsible out of the class during Pride

Marc: A True Pride Icon

He/Him Gay & Genderfluid

Born on the first day of pride during a pride parade

Time to break out the ten inch platform boots

Beauty guru and goddex

Carries people on his shoulders (Mostly Nath)

High kicks the TERFs

Dyes his hair rainbow every year

He and Cosette are the only ones allowed to do anyone’s makeup after… The incident

He gets gifts from people. He’s not complaining

A proud Glamazon

Zoé’s partner in Punk Gayness

Every time Marc picks someone up, a gay guy gets elected into office

Taking names and breaking hearts

Everyone’s gay uncle

He will hold your hand and not even realize it

The Dykes on Bikes ADORE him

He eats SO MANY raisins

Not afraid to intimidate protesters with his height

Cosette: Dyes Its’ Hedgehog’s Quills Rainbow Every Year

She/They/It Demigirlflux Bisexual

To have your makeup done by Cosette is like receiving a kiss from an angel… Its good

Makeup is so on point that some drag queens have asked for tips

Keeps a backpack of emergency makeup. It’s Pride, everyone needs makeup

Always wears her hair in different styles every day

Dyes the white streaks in her hair pastel pink

Aurore’s soda dealer

Vogues like a boss

Rhythm Nation is the song it want playing at its funeral

Every time Cosette wows everyone with their makeup, an enby gets a cookie

Got a lesbian goddess to simp over them, and they won’t stop talking about it

Got some asshole arrested when he tried to roofie some poor girl. Turns out, he was a protester trying to “fix” an asexual

Has a makeup art Instagram and is nearly at 60K followers

Eats a lot of granola bars

Wears Zoé’s jacket when it gets cold

Zoé: MOVE! I’M VERY GAY!

She/He/They Sapphic

Has a shirt that says “Trans Boys Do It Better”

Sneakers no matter what

Wears so much She-Ra merch every year

She warded off protesters with her sword

Tags Audrey in posts just to fuck with her

Has been princess-carried by Cosette

And he wants to be carried again

Dyes her hair pink

Stole a motorcycle once with Aurore. And she’ll do it again

Sprays soda on TERFS

Every time Zoé flips her hair, a bisexual passes their math quiz

Takes a moment to pose with Marc and Jean for no reason

World’s greatest wingman

Rainbow Connection is her anthem

Has assisted in the beat down of a protester who hit Simon

Will buy a binder for you no matter the price

Jean: Theater Is… Very Gay

He/They Pansexual Demiromantic

Has mastered, “YAAAASSSS QUEEN!” when he was six

Cosplays with Reshma and Marc

The fan favorite was when he went as Black Widow

He has performed Broadway love ballads for a few lucky crowd members

All while in drag

Just a bit of a tease

Has gotten many fans over the years and was asked to perform with some drag queens who know his dad

Every time Jean belts a high note, Broadway gets just a little gayer

Supplies the energy drinks

Their mascara is *chef’s kiss* on point

Will kiss your hand

Hissed at someone when they wouldn’t leave Lacey alone

Like Marc, he also gets gifts from people

It totally doesn’t make Austin T jealous… Though, he has dipped Jean and kissed him before in front of a few of Jean’s admirers

Lacey: Taking Names, Kicking Ass & Eating Cake

She/Her Asexual Bi-Curious

She supplies the glitter bombs. You never know…

Wears a lot of sarcastic pride shirts

Ready to kick some TERF ass

Marc taught her how to walk in high heels

And in exchange, she taught him how to steal candy bars without getting caught

Somehow manages to climb to the top of parade floats without being seen

Wore a shit ton of sunscreen before she gave into Aurore’s pleading and bought an asexual print parasol

Can spot a drug in a drink from a mile away

She and Cosette have a bet going on. Whoever can beat up the most assholes trying to drug asexuals by the end of the parade gets fifty euros

Has choked a TERF with her asexual flag

She carries a lot of sweets in her bag

Every time Lacey runs through a public area screaming “I’M ACE!” An asexual gets a cupcake

Has several shirts that say, “I punch TERFs”

He brothers go in support of their sister, and her grandma even brought a sledgehammer to ward of protesters

Denise: The Buff Nonbinary Goddex We Want But Can’t Have

They/Them Nonbinary Polysexual

Second in command mom friend when Aurore is out of commission

Supplies the juice boxes

Does everyone’s nails and they all SLAY

Got into a muscle flexing contest and won, but at the cost of their sleeves

Simon bought them a tank top that says so

Every time Denise flexes their biceps, a trans guy gets his T-shots

Would be a wingman if people didn’t try flirting with them

Another proud Glamazon

Simon makes it a point to let EVERYONE know they’re dating

Like Marc, they don’t need to wear heels, but, who’s stopping them? No one, because no one wants to

Lets children braid their hair

They hand out flower crowns all in ten inch heels

They’re beauty, they’re grace, they’ll blast Haley Kiyoko in your face

Has dressed as Isabela Madrigal during one event, and people actually bowed

A terf came up to yell at them once

Then they walked away in love

Denise is a pacifist, but… If you harass anyone, especially Simon, they will make sure no doctor or deity can help you

Simon: The Human Sacrifice Who Somehow Dates the Goddex He Was Being Sacrificed To

He/They Demiboy Pansexual

Loves being carried, especially by Denise

In case you can’t tell, Simon’s got a thing for powerful strong-armed people

So… They simp a lot at pride events

Like Lacey, he also wears sarcastic pride shirts, but his are next level sarcastic

Every time someone tries flirting with Denise, he’ll magically appear out of nowhere and escort their lovely partner somewhere else

Bought one of those digital backpacks and reprogrammed it so it would bright up with pride flag colors

If he sees MAPs or TERFs… He will punt their asses. He will.

Brings his Polaroid camera

If he sees a bug, he will not let you step on it! EVER!

Brought his aunt to a pride parade to help her find a date. She left with ten new numbers in her phone

He wears a lot of Deadpool merch

Every time Simon slaps a TERF, another demiboy is born

Only allows Cosette to do their makeup

Gets sunburn every year. “Worth it!”

Steals everyone’s juice boxes

He’s an agent of chaos. By that, I mean he’s able to tie protestors’ shoe laces together so they trip and fall

Reshma: The Evil Lesbian We Were Warned About

She/Her Demiromantic Lesbian

She buys a shit-ton of a binders a week in advance and then hands them out to anyone who wants them

Also a proud Glamazon

Cosplays every day

Revolutionary Girl Utena is and will always be a fan favorite

If you ask, she will kiss you

She’s the lesbian your homophobic parents warned you about

Unintentionally adopts the kids who had to sneak out of their homes

Every time Reshma breathes, a two lesbians get married

Flips her hair in homophobes faces, and then all they can smell is strawberries

Homophobic guys have tried to flirt with her, and when she told then no for the third time, drag kings punted their asses

Seriously, the Drag Kings will die for this girl

Ismael is her best and only wingman

He makes sure any possible candidate is worthy of his best friend… So far, none are

She, Marc, and Denise are always posing for cameras

Although regal and a goddess, she’s the most excited for pride

Kills it every year in a crop top

Ismael: The Feral ASpec

He/Him Trans guy aroace

A true king

Probably has people wanting to create a cult inspired by him

Has been carried on many peoples shoulders, and he’s not complaining

Ismael and Lacey- Taking names and eating cake!

He actually does bring cake

Everyone wants to take a selfie with this guy

Makes sure to flip off his mom before leaving

Has a shirt that say “Free Parent Hugs”

Owns a pair of platform crocs

Rides his skateboard through the crowd and throws a bunch of glitter while performing tricks

There’s a TikTok account dedicated to him

The only makeup he will let touch his face is eye shadow, and maybe some black lipstick if he’s up for it

Makes sure to let the other trans people who snuck out of their homes that they are safe and loved

Yes, he gets sappy during these events, but only because he cares

Definitely paints aromantic flags on his pants

Breaks way too many hearts

Every time Ismael does a kick flip, a trans girl starts taking estrogen

[carnaxe]

VERSES .

✠ verse — parents are the bones on which children cut their teeth

canon . Odessa is born in one of the remote corners of the Outback, the first of six children, their home huddled among solar farms. Until the government gifts the omnium to the omnics, until the land their family has lived on for generations is taken from them. Unlawfully, they deem. The Stone family bare their teeth and fight back, lending their strength to the Australian Liberation Front. Until the rebels sabotaged the omnium’s fusion core, resulting in an explosion that destroyed the facility and irradiated the region. They shelter in omnium’s shell, now repurposed as a settlement for the survivors. It was home only for a short time, before King Mason Howl – former comrade of Odessa’s father – banished the Stone family to the Wasteland.

✠ verse — my body’s just a body and my name’s just a name

canon . Odessa learns, quickly, how to survive in the Wasteland. For those who live in the Outback, the Omnics Crisis never ended – the survivors are locked in an endless conflict with the local omnic population, fighting for land and resources. Odessa works alone, and sometimes as part of a posse, to hunt omnics, selling scrap and scouting the region for supplies. During this time, she dabbles in mechanics, forging her weapons and developing her unique electromagnetic gauntlet.

✠ verse — you cannot strike fear into stone

canon . While it may not be internationally recognised, Junkertown identifies and operates as its own sovereign state, and is generally hostile to outsiders. During the gladiatorial-inspired Reckoning, Odessa challenges and defeats King Howl, taking her place as Junker Queen. Under her rule, she maintains control across several surviving splinter groups, and works to expand Junkertown, to improve the lives of its citizens. As King Howl did before her, Odessa periodically hosts the Reckoning. The only way she will ever relinquish the crown is through defeat in combat, through the blood-slick violence that is broadcast across the Outback.

✠ verse — a glorious lo-fi live sound

modern . Odessa is lead singer and guitarist in a high octane band that straddles the garage rock, punk rock and pub rock genres. A true-to-her-roots punk, she isn’t in it for the money or the fame. Music for her is a way of expressing her anti-establishment, anti-materialistic, anti-sexist and anti-capitalist values.

✠ verse — go bush

exclusive to @handtame . Similar to the above, but the band doesn’t get far. Odessa lives in a sparse Outback settlement, and follows her father into the mining industry. The work is hard, and it isn’t easy being the only punk dyke in town – but having a needy, cryptid-coded girlfriend makes life a little sweeter.

✠ verse — a bloody mess in the wild west

red dead redemption . Based out of an abandoned mine in West Elizabeth, Odessa leads a gang of outlaws, roving afield to scavenge and raid. The group walks a fine line between banditry and rebellion, primarily targeting wealthy tycoons, corrupt lawmen and large ranch owners, while offering protection to smaller communities. Folk heroes or criminals? It depends on who you ask.

✠ verse — i rebel / therefore i exist

cyberpunk 2077 . The cybernetically-enhanced leader of a nomad gang, Odessa and her crew scavenge the Badlands. She rebels against the megacorporations and battles for dominance in the Night City streets.

✠ verse — the axe forgets / the tree remembers

stardew valley . Lumberjane Odessa runs a forestry farm on the edge of Cindersap, selling hardwood, softwood, pine tar and oak resin. Experienced in combat, she is no stranger to the local mines, and is capable of clearing out monsters and gathering loot. The Stardrop Saloon is like a second home to her, and her assistance can be secured on the promise of a pint or ten. This verse can be tweaked to suit a real-world rural setting.

✠ verse — the mad exultation of battle

fantasy . A barbarian chieftain, Odessa leads a nomadic tribe. Curious about the world beyond her clan, she sometimes ventures out on her own to take contracts as a mercenary.

✠ verse — when we get down to basics / humans are just big bags of irradiated chemicals

fallout . Tales of the raider queen, of a woman standing over most men. Her gang of raiders live off the remnants of pre-war civilization, taking what they need from the irradiated wastelands, triumphing through brute force and cunning. Axe-wielding Odessa is a picture of survival.

✠ verse — i will show you fear in a handful of dust

mad max . Odessa rules over the Junkers, a ragtag group of raiders and scavengers based out of an abandoned power plant. They are a relatively small faction, but vicious, and creative. By their hands, weapons and vehicles are crafted – then used to ambush travelling convoys.

✠ verse — the shadow of the axe hangs over every joy

bloodborne . TBC.

✠ verse — but the good name never dies of one who has done well

viking era . A verse inspired by but not limited to Assassin’s Creed: Valhalla. Odessa is an intimidating and powerful shieldmaiden. She leads a raiding party, sacking monasteries and settlements.

✠ verse — falling down is how we grow / staying down is how we die

ancient greece . A verse inspired by but not limited to Assassin’s Creed: Odyssey. OPTION 1: Odessa is captain of The Scourge, a pirate ship that plunders coastal settlements and terrorises the trade routes of the Aegean Sea. She recognises no rule but her own. OPTION 2: Odessa is a former champion of the arena on Pephka, her prowess and showmanship making her a fan favourite. Now she travels as a mercenary, her axe available to hire.

[sonsband]

As Catiny’s main vocalist - who do you think has the spiciest vocals in kpop right meow?

How spicey do you mean?

(also if you like discussions of music I sometimes do those on my side blog changdyke and would love to talk about vocalists or music with people! okay shameless plug done)

Well, the spiciest vocals come from Changmin, who is a level 2 spicey boy at MOST. I mean, the 240105 Music Bank high note for "Down"? I don't know how half the boy groups didn't immediately vaporize as soon as he did That. I know it was probably just that he didn't hit the note at first, but he made it sound so good with that dissonance resolving into whistle register? (I would say something about Nissan Stadium Forever Love but until that's back up on YouTube I refuse to contemplate it so I don't burst into tears) But I'm a hater and don't like him so don't put him on the list.

EXID's Solji might not be active right meow, but she just did that musical so she counts!

Of course BTOB, Eunkwang and Minhyuk especially, I mean, "Boom" era was everything to me.

All of A.C.E, obviously, the world is a little brighter for their comeback. I can't wait for Donghun to absolutely devastate me again, but friendly reminder for your daily required viewing of their It's Live performance of "Goblin".

WayV's Xiaojun, I know Mujin Service is pitch corrected but the sheer emotion in "Ashes" is too much. He doesn't need to do as much as he does at all times, but thank god for it.

Does Forestella count as kpop? Because they've got the spice and the spicey vocals. All of them, but Woorim's wife was right to lock him down after that performance of "Bad Romance".

I might be ride or die for Seonghwa Main Vocal When, but back in like February 2021 I said San from Ateez strained a lot and he said "why would you say such a thing? btw hi lesbians" and just immediately went fuckin insane. I'm bummed it happened after they stopped actively promoting it but I will never shut up about how when he gets a mic for "Turbulence" he saves the whole song with that modulation to keep it from being a diminished fifth. I know he's a great dancer but he's vocal line for a reason. Watch "Breathe" btw.

SPEAKING OF "BREATHE"!!!! [edit: I got too excited to jump into IU that I forgot to finish this, sorry, I know it's a Lee Hi song] Lee Hi is that good good alto and the fact she had that voice at debut? We Love Altos.

IU!!!!! GIRL!!!!!!! No list of spiciest vocals would be complete without IU. "Love Poem" should be a UNESCO World Heritage piece of culture. I love her and I can't believe you're keeping her hostage and away from us, Addy.

Fun fact: DK is actually short for "DyKe rights" (editor's note: this is not true) and my sister will let me blast "Hot" in her car specifically so we can vocalize along with his chest voice there. He's got such a good ear.

The Boyz genuinely has some power vocals. Why do you think his name is SANGyeon? That video of him singing in a parking lot plays behind my eyes while I try to fall asleep.

Shownu simply does not get the credit he deserves as a vocalist. His voice is more subtle, so maybe not particularly spicey, but he's my husband and I will not let him go unappreciated on this list. What's the opposite of spicey? That's how I feel about I.M, except he's actually got interesting vocals, he's technically weaker but I think that makes him more interesting vocally. Plus he's the King of Vocal Fry (complimentary).

Another vocal fry master -- Taehyun from TXT. I feel so much about that kid. Most of it good.

For the hags, all of 2pm! (I'm not taking antipsychotics right now so I'm allowed to be delusional and they're active in my heart.) "Make It" was THE song of 2021, no notes at all. And "ADTOY" had no right to be that good. Also we love grown men being grown up spicey.

Woodz, don't talk to me about enlistment if I don't acknowledge it then it isn't happening. The live versions of "Chaser" and "Trigger" and "Accident" and and and and? I think his harmonizing gets overshadowed sometimes by his vocal power, especially since he has to harmonize with his backing track rather than another singer, but bro... bro... Also he was the closest to a Changmin "Mirotic" note, I will ignore any arguments to the contrary.

Red Velvet's Seulgi has really good vocals when she's given the chance to flex them, I really wish we could hear more from her. Underappreciated, tbh.

Highlight's Dongwoon, do we need to talk about that performance of "Fiction" again? Because I will talk about that performance of "Fiction" again. And I choose to believe his scene in "Good Luck" is part of the most watched section because of that little C# Major moment. Yeah his only other band mate Yeoseob is good but I gotta give the crown to Dongwoon. Also his outfits from last May's concerts were so spicey.

I'm so excited for Chungha's comeback. I know she's not really appreciated for her vocals since she's definitely a pop vocalist, but "Play"! I'm not even mad when she uses playback on music shows, she's in chest voice enough.

I can't believe I'm about to put a manlet on this list but Hui's got the spice. He's got the vocals. He deserves. That's all.

And how about Doyeon from Weki Meki. Siyeon from Dreamcatcher (omg that "Overdose" cover). Ailee, obviously. BB Girls Yujeong. Sistar just as a whole but especially Hyolyn, "Layin Low" changed me as a person and I swear it wasn't just the Nicole Kirkland choreo.

Okay I've just powered through so many Vocalists that my brain's been turned to mush. Tell me what else you think!

[widthofmytongue]

List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who reblogged something from you! get to know your mutuals and followers (ू•‧̫•ू⑅)♡

I have answered this several times before I think, but in order to keep up and spread the positivity, let's gooo.

1) Reconfiguring my outward aesthetic appearance to better reflect my true self. What I will say about having pink hair and wearing a keffiyeh and a jacket covered in queer and Jewish and leftist badges and carrying a trade union bag is that young people of colour with non-British accents smile at me and are comfortable approaching me to ask directions and stuff. Having spent the 2010s presenting as a white male hipster nerd, no one really approached me, and I did receive occasional comments that I looked like a middle class twat (usually from people who were more middle class and definitely more twat-ish than me). Returning to my roots as a visibly queer, Jewish, commie punk puts the right people at ease.

2) Working from bed. This is obviously not about working, especially as I don't think the work I'm actually paid to do is super meaningful, but the freedom to WFH (work from home!) three days a week is amazing. Awhile ago I watched the LOTR trilogy while running reports and updating spreadsheets.

3) Making delicious food for myself and eating it in massive quantities. During lockdown I got into the habit of living almost exclusively on ready meals, and aside from some (amazing restaurant-quality) omelettes, I only recently got back to cooking for myself. Also turns out that a lot of the food I think of as staples are very Jewish? I guess I kinda knew that, but like goyische potato salad sounds boring af y'all are missing out.

4) Deviant sex. I'm not sure I want to elaborate on this too much, but I am very glad of my engagement in d/s and how strongly I lean into T4T stuff.

5) Gotta say my animal buddies again. A couple of my avian neighbours were recently moulting, and when they grew their feathers back, they looked like dinosaurs armoured with spines. So cool. Also my feline housemates train me to do things in the dumbest but sweetest forms of symbiosis.

I'm gonna keep going.

6) Stimulating conversation on deep and complex topics. I've had lots of interesting and invigorating interactions lately with people on tumblr and in person about Palestine, Jewish values and identity, community organisation, gender, King Crimson, John Carpenter, Star Trek, London, the intersection of poststructuralism and historiography, and of course postcolonialism.

7) Union work. As mentioned above, I do not think the work I get paid for is especially meaningful. What I do think is meaningful is being a hard leftist (and yes, also queer, Jewish, immigrant, neurodiverse, erstwhile lumpenproletarian) voice in my professional environment. I think it's both important for me to represent union members, uniting their concerns with systemic initiatives, and also to provide a more outright Marxist approach on my union branch's Executive Committee.

@derdra @gucci-shinigami @comm1e-dyke @thottacelli @jewishdumbass @verticalceiling @deanorino161 @thewindstealsyourvoice @lizardbytheriver @xocomilxolo @oh-youprettythings @anyone else reading this who fancies taking part.

[livvyofthelake]

sorry to say this but mal/evie is the lame descendants yuri…. they both have male love interests and frankly mal and ben is a straight people slay of monumental proportions and i cannot imagine thinking mal should have been with anyone over him. i don’t give a fuck what dove cameron has to say about it btw she’s wrong she makes bad music and bad choices on who she gets engaged to and furthermore she’s the annoying kind of bisexual woman but i digress. REAL girl shippers will recognize the rise of red as the true gayest descendants film and chloe charming as queen dyke of this franchise… who is with me… her and red are literally giving king and lionheart. but if they started out as almost rivals… does ANYONE care

[yrbutchgf]

“And I would say that people who were referred to as drag queens, sh*males, female impersonators, drag kings, diesel dykes, butches, et cetera, uh…Nowadays we think of them sometimes as just being synonymous with a certain kind of sexuality, but in fact there’s a lot of butch women who sleep with other butches, or who are bisexual, and the same thing is true with feminine men.”

— Leslie Feinberg in In the Life: Episode 602, “The State of AIDS”

touch grass

[kisaraslover]

the way people interact with this blog is so funny because why am i getting babygirled and then told to fuck off both in positive ways. i guess since i exclusively put out unhinged yugioh content and nothing personal the vibe is weird. tell me

[vulpixelates]

horrible news...

caerellia got kidnapped by the pirate king of a bordering country bc their people are starving so they needed ransom

the pirate king position was recently taken over by a hot sidhe butch dyke after she killed the previous one

caerellia tried to fuck her after securing her release + an alliance for a milli of gold and the artifact on board the pirate ship but the hot pirate basically said "I don't fuck bourgeoisie devils who watched my country suffer in poverty while they lived in the lap of luxury and did nothing"

caerellia can't even argue bc it's true of her people even tho she's trying to change it now that she can 😩

this game is terrible for my need to be loved by everyone lmao caerellia is straight up being puppeteered by a GOO rn so she's already becoming a little evil but then normal people find her despicable for being a privileged rich woman WHICH YEAH. totally fair she is fldldkdje

[muppetsnoopy]

that post about classic tumblr posts killing w an uninitiated audience is so true. the other day some friends and I were chatting about what our drag names would be, and I said "well we all know the best drag king name has already been taken..." and they were like huh who?? and I said "dick van dyke" and they lost their SHIT