writing prompt "Are you calling me a liar?" "Well, I ain't calling you a truther, bud." for character of choice
Lying Bastard : Kaz Brekker x Reader Part 1
Part 2 here, Mini-Series Navigation here
Description: roughly 10k wc, Pt1 (both up already) Kaz ends his relationship with the reader and sends her away after she makes a mistake during a heist. But fortunately for Kaz, Jesper senses he’s lying and tries to get to the bottom of it.
Mini Series Themes/tropes/etc.: hurt-comfort, angst-fluff, handwritten letters, kaz x Reader, crow!reader, soc themes, etc.
Warnings: angst, some curse words, standard soc type material, slight SaB (BOOK) spoiler (referenced but not stated)
Notes: this is part 1 of an optional mini-series. You can end at whichever part without problems / to get a different aesthetic or ending. There are two parts.
Dedicated in honor of @ell0ra-br3kk3r ‘s birthday! 💜
Thank you @rpmemes-galore for the prompt suggestion/request!
“You know why” Kaz argued harshly, glaring at y/n.
She furrowed her brows, “are you serious right now?”
He rolled his eyes, “when am I not?”
She halted her actions, staring at him in shock.
Kaz discretely bit his inner lip but held his ground; not letting the pained look in her eyes deter him.
“Kaz, it was one mistake” she argued, her eyes stinging with tears as she saw the determination in his facial features.
He didn’t respond, only shifting his weight off his bad leg as he stared at the suitcase he placed on her bed.
“You’re seriously b-… you’re breaking up with me and kicking me out of the slat over one mistake?” She choked, shaking her head at him.
“You’re leaving for safety reasons” He stated simply before signaling to the suitcase.
“Get out” she stated weakly.
Kaz clenched his jaw and tightened the grip on his cane.
“I said, get out!” She snapped, opening the door for him aggressively.
“You do not give the orders around here y/n, and-“ he remarked, staring at her with his normal scowl, one he never used on her before.
“I’m well aware of that, believe me” she scoffed, “and don’t worry, I’m leaving”.
Kaz nodded, “good”.
She watched as Kaz limped out of her room, slamming the door behind him.
Y/n sniffed as she tried not to cry.
She couldn’t cry over him, she wouldn’t let herself.
Sure she made a mistake, but so had every other Crow at some point.
She could understand Kaz feeling he had to be more strict with her to maintain the way the others saw him and their relationship.
But, this was far past that line he always cautiously walked.
During the heist, y/n had forgotten to lock a door behind her as they fled a heist.
Kaz reprimanded her, stating that someone would then notice the item was missing.
It hasn’t happened yet, but Kaz told her it was only a matter of time.
She was already disappointed in herself, so she’d been understanding initially over his frustration.
The longer between the theft and its detection would form a greater chance for their group to have been undetected and another team being misperceived as the culprits.
In other words, her mistake meant she risked earlier detection and therefore their group being connected to it and the necklace being stolen back since the mark would know who it was that’d taken it.
However, it wasn’t a life or death mistake, unlike ones the other crows had made before without this severe of a consequence.
Yet, after giving y/n the silent treatment for a few days, today Kaz went to her room and snapped at her.
He simply told her it was over between them and that she’d need to leave.
At first, when Kaz told her that he was disgusted by this mistake but wouldn’t be cruel and instead had arranged a new residence for her, she assumed he was joking.
Kicking her out and breaking it off was drastic, something only Dirtyhands might consider.
But, if Dirtyhands had been the force behind it, he wouldn’t have gotten her a new residence.
It didn’t make any sense.
She nearly fell over with laughter as Kaz told her she’d be staying at the little palace with the Ravkan king, Nikolai Lantsov.
How he even knew the king, let alone struck a deal with him, was intriguing; even if he was Kaz Brekker.
Yet she couldn’t get herself to ask those questions once she saw the truth in his eyes.
He was serious, he was ending it and sending her to Ravka.
As she replayed the events again in her mind, her tears burst through the walls she tried to put up and poured down her cheeks.
To make matters worse, tomorrow would have marked her 5th anniversary with Kaz.
She knew he still struggled with relationships and emotions, but it hurt that he didn’t seem phased by these orders he gave her nor the timing of it.
She wiped her face on the back of her hand before she began literally throwing things into the case on her bed.
Kaz sat at his desk, his head in his hands as he tried to steady his breath.
He didn’t want to do this but he had to.
If he let her stay, if he stayed with her, he feared it could be fatal.
He glared at the messy notes on his desk, crumpling a few and tossing them across his room.
Never in the last seven years since being with her would he have seen himself sending y/n away.
Only once in the last five years since they began dating would he have expected to be the one ending their relationship.
And that went away when they’d talked about how she’d be able to stay safe despite them being together.
Yet, here he was, sitting alone at his desk, eyes nearly watering, as he recalled doing just that.
He doubted he’d ever forgive himself for causing the expression that fell on her face when realizing he was serious.
But he also would never forgive himself if he didn’t do this and something happened to her.
“Are you ready?” Kaz asked firmly, watching as y/n sat at her desk writing a note.
Y/n glared over at him, but the faint remainder of tears in her eyes nearly broke him.
She held up one finger to signal him to wait.
Kaz sighed and leaned on her doorframe as he glanced down the hall to ensure no one was coming.
He watched as she slid her chair back after she finished securing the note and placed it to the side of her desk, atop a pile of similar ones.
“Ready” y/n said, voice wavering slightly but she fought to key her composure as she harshly pulled the case off her bed.
“Leave the bag” Kaz ordered.
“Excuse me?” She paused, “maybe you can kick me out, but these things are mine”.
Kaz nodded once, “it will get to you”.
She stared at him in shocked understanding, “You don’t want the others knowing, do you?”
Kaz groaned, “I don’t believe that is your business any longer”.
Y/n scoffed, “they’ll know soon enough, you have no reason to stop that”.
He gritted his teeth as he bit back explaining to her why that could not happen.
Kaz smirked, “I don’t need a reason”.
“They’ll figure it out” She muttered, putting her notebook and pens into her inner coat pocket.
Kaz shook his head, “they will not. I’ve sent them out for the evening. I’ll be letting them know to not communicate with you. And you will not communicate with them either”.
Y/n laughed coldly, “how are you going to manage that Brekker?”
He pushed the exit open, pointing her in the direction of her ride, “the same way I managed you residing elsewhere “.
“You’re going to have the King stop me from writing to them?!” She shouted.
Kaz forced himself to roll his eyes, “if that’s what it takes. And you can be as loud as you wish, they’re too far to hear you resist the consequences of your actions”.
Y/n pressed her lips into a firm line as she looked around, debating if she should give up a guaranteed residence in order to flee.
Kaz gripped his cane tighter, effortlessly reading this decision in her eyes and despising himself for promoting it.
But, it was what he expected; what he accounted for.
“You cannot run, the king’s brought guards to ensure you get on his ship” Kaz told her.
“What does he get in return?” Y/n questioned fearfully.
Kaz glared, “you don’t actually believe I’d do what you’re suggesting!?”
She crossed her arms, facing him with a furious stare, “I don’t know what, or who, to believe anymore”.
He internally flinched at her harsh tone but simply shook his head, “it isn’t that. He owes me”.
Y/n rolled her eyes, “Why waste the favor on me? You could just kick me out fully or kill me, you know”.
“I would not kill you” Kaz stated with a glare, “and the ‘why’ doesn’t matter”
“And if I refuse to go with him?” She pressed.
“Where else would you go?” Kaz scoffed.
“Does it matter? I am capable of providing for myself Brekker” she defended.
Kaz sighed firmly, “no I suppose it does not matter. Nonetheless, the deal is the deal and you will be staying in Ravka”.
“Ms. Y/l/n, let’s go” Someone said before she could argue with Kaz again.
She turns to see Sturmhond, a privateer they’d worked with on a previous heist.
“You?” She asks, looking between Sturmhond and Kaz.
Kaz ignored her and nodded at Sturmhond.
“Whatever” She groaned, knowing if she wanted her stuff back she’d need to comply for now at least.
She noticed Kaz seemed almost pleased at her cooperation.
Of course he was, now he didn’t have to deal with her and her failures.
“Y/n,” She barely heard Kaz’s whisper over the wind as she stepped closer to the ship.
But, she refused to acknowledge him; instead lifting her head higher and speeding up to increase the distance.
Kaz sighed to himself as he watched Sturmhond guide her into his ship before nodding at Kaz.
“Get out” Kaz barked, not turning to even face Inej as he entered his room.
“No, you cannot just not tell me where y/n is” Inej growled, having impatiently waited in his room for his return.
Kaz tossed his hat towards the corner of the room, his coat following.
“Brekker! Where is she?” Inej questioned, glancing at the mess he was making, “did you two break up?”.
Kaz bit hard on his cheek as he shut his eyes, “she’s gone, Wraith”.
Inej faltered at the poorly hidden crack in his voice and the possible meaning behind his words, “w-what?”
Kaz, of course, caught on to her misinterpretation, already having been planning on it.
So he utilized it as planned, “You heard me. She’s gone and…”
He swallowed, the underlying truth behind the words stinging, “She’s not coming back. She cannot come back”.
It was silent for a moment as Kaz stared at the bed, already missing the way y/n would sit with her legs crisscrossed on the end as she needlessly helped Kaz with the plans for the crows’ next heist.
Inej eventually left without another word, fleeing to isolate herself in her room.
“Kaz, seriously, Jesper is going stir crazy” Wylan pointed out while his boyfriend sat at one of his favorite gambling dens, yet again.
“That’s my problem because?” Kaz remarked, shifting a book over the piece of the paper he’d been writing on.
Wylan noticed and suppressed a smile at the fact that despite his reading disability, Kaz still treated him as if he could encipher the material if he saw it.
“He’s burning through his credits you installed. We need a heist, surely you’ve got something” Wylan argued.
Kaz glowered up at him, “excuse me?”
“It’s been months without a heist! And you’ve been cooped up in your office for nearly three weeks without sending us on anything, we’re not even pick pocketing, so it must be a big heist you’re planning. I assume that’s what is under the book” Wylan pointed out.
Kaz gritted his teeth, to him it felt like far longer than a mere three weeks in isolation and centuries instead months since that night.
His eyes burned as he tried to keep his gaze away from the letter under the book on his desk.
“What is under the book is of no business to you” Kaz spat, “but, send him in”.
Wylan gave Kaz a questioning look but nodded, pleased things were going to get back to normal.
Sure he missed and grieved for y/n too, but his boyfriend Jesper had been acting weird ever since Kaz broke the news to Inej.
Wylan was certain he was in denial still, but Jesper wouldn’t speak about it.
“Why are you burning through your credit faster than normal?” Kaz asked, not looking up from his messy desk.
Jesper plopped into the chair across from Kaz with an eye roll, “I’m bored “.
“There’s more than that Jesper, be honest” Kaz rebutted.
Jesper scoffed, “that’s hypocritical”.
Kaz glanced up from his table to look at him, “if you have something to say, do so”.
Sitting up straight, Jesper leaned forward towards Kaz, “you’re hiding something”.
Kaz forced a smirk, “of course I am”.
Rolling his eyes for what felt like the millionth time, Jesper groaned, “about y/n”.
Kaz’s eyes widened briefly before flashing a sorrowful glow, his lips twitching slightly.
It all lasted for less than two seconds, but Jesper caught note of it.
“See, that! I know something happened to her” Jesper declared.
Kaz stiffened, his eyes burning into Jesper’s skin, “I already told Inej… she-“
Jesper cut him off with a dramatic head shake, “She’s not dead” Jesper stated confidently.
“Are you calling me a liar?” Kaz questioned, grinding his teeth.
“Well, I ain't calling you a truther, bud." Jesper retorted.
Kaz stood up abruptly, “I’m done with this nonsense. Get out”.
“No” Jesper whispered defiantly, Kaz turning to shoot him an icy look.
“Not until you tell me where she is and what happened. I know she’s not dead” Jesper argues.
Kaz just stares at him in silence, his mind once again failing to process normally.
It had been like this since she’d departed, he couldn’t think clearly, much less do his normal scheming.
“Where’s y/n?” Jesper pushes, crossing his arms over his chest.
Jesper notices the distant look in Kaz’s eyes, but knows it’s not distant enough for Jesper to believe she’s actually dead.
“You may be the worst person with emotions, literally ever. But I’ve known you far too long Kaz. I know you’d be reacting much differently if she were actually dead” Jesper explains, his voice firm but low in volume.
Kaz purses his lips, his hand on his cane tightening.
“You want to know why I’ve been gambling more? Because of this” Jesper stated, his voice cracking, “it’s driving me crazy Kaz. Where in saints sake is she?!”
Looking around the room until his gaze pauses for a split second on the stack of letters on his desk, Kaz swallows thickly.
Jesper follows his stare and hurriedly launches himself towards the desk before Kaz has time to hobble over and stop him.
“You’re writing to her?!” Jesper gasped as he read y/N’s name on the address line of the first letter he grabbed.
Kaz growled, reaching his gloved hand out, “let go of them”.
“Not until you explain what is going on!” Jesper argued, unfolding the letter.
Reaching out and gently tugging on the corner of the letter in Jesper’s hand as to not rip it, Kaz starts a silent staring contest with his sharpshooter.
“I’m not giving in this time Kaz. Y/n mattered to me. To all of us. The others might believe she’s dead, but I know better. I know you better. Now explain or I’ll read each damn letter to find out for myself” Jesper threatened.
Kaz’s eyes flickering to his swooping handwritten emotions on the letter in Jesper’s hand.
Sighing in annoyance Kaz gave him one firm nod.
Jesper lets go of the note, smugly sitting back down in the chair before Kaz‘s desk.
“You have to be kidding me” Jesper exclaims exasperatedly.
Kaz gives him a knowing look, “I don’t kid”.
“Right… right… no I know that” Jes responds as he tries to comprehend the situation.
“It’s just… I always thought of you as this insanely smart mastermind type guy” Jesper chuckles mockingly, “but you’re really just an idiot”.
Glaring harshly, his jaw tight, Kaz shakes his head at Jesper, “you don’t know what you’re talking about “.
“Yes I do” Jesper responded as he calmed himself down.
Before Kaz could speak, Jesper continued, “you’re in love with her. That’s why you sent her away”.
Kaz shifted his jaw, rubbing his upper teeth over his bottom teeth as he debated about lying.
“It makes sense now. I knew there was something there. But saints you’re dumb Kaz. She can protect herself!” Jesper scoffed.
“She shouldn’t have to!” Kaz shouted, his hand hitting the table before them.
He didn’t need to hear this; not from Jesper.
He’d already debated on whether or not he made the wrong choice.
But in the end, each time, he concluded her safety was worth it.
Worth everything.
Even if it meant Kaz not being in her life anymore.
“It’s the barrel Kaz! She has to on a normal basis regardless” Jesper argued.
“Not anymore” Kaz spoke simply.
“That’s what you meant by ‘she’s in a better place’. How no one picked up in that given your lack of belief in a higher power is beyond me” Jesper rambled.
Rolling his eyes, Kaz waved his hand in the air dismissively, “you got your answer. Now leave”.
“You don’t miss her?” Jesper asked softly, missing her himself.
Kaz closed his eyes, his hand tugging on his choppy hair.
“Of course you do” Jesper smirked, “I mean, saints, the Kaz Brekker is writing love letters!”.
Kaz snapped his eyes open and glared harshly across the table, “they are not love letters”.
“If you say so” Jesper teased, “regardless, we can fix this”.
Kaz’s gruff exterior faltered as hope hit him but as he looked at the returned letters on his desk, he shook his head.
They’d all been marked ‘return to sender’ without ever having been opened.
The only times Kaz would get a response to a letter he wrote was when he would write to his Ravkan confidant asking how y/n was and if she was safe and healthy.
But nothing from her, she didn’t even bother opening the letters from him.
His confidant claimed he’d attempted to provide her with the letters but that she refused and ordered them to be sent back.
The small glimmer of hope in Kaz wanted to deny that idea, and instead blame it on the notion that maybe there was something between his confidant and y/n by now.
After all, he could provide her with a far better, and safer, life; hence why she was there now.
But, his confidant’s explicit wording that she’d ordered him to return them was a clear message to Kaz it wasn’t that.
Only y/n would order the King of Ravka to do anything, much less something this menial.
And only if she were truly pissed.
“Stop writing to her” Jesper’s voice cut through the tangled thoughts in Kaz’s brain.
“What?” He asked, not having taken the moment to make his voice as firm as normal.
“She’s not reading them. The threat is over, let’s go there in person to bring her back” Jesper suggested.
“She does not want to come back Jesper. You need to accept it, I have” Kaz stated harshly.
“You have not” Jesper scoffed, “and you cannot know what she wants without talking to her”.
“I’ve tried!” Kaz defended loudly.
Jesper sighed, “I know. But it’s time you try a new tactic. The Kaz Brekker I know wouldn’t let the failure of one plan be the end of the mission”.
“What mission Jesper?” Kaz groaned.
“Fixing your relationship” Jesper smirked, “and bringing our girl back here”.
Shaking his head, Kaz sighed, “I forced her to do something she didn’t want once; for her own protection, but still. I won’t do it again, she deserves better than that”.
Jesper nodded, “then don’t force her. But show up. Show her how you feel, I can practically guarantee she’ll be coming back with us after that”.
Kaz sighed; his mind and heart at war.
He wanted to do as Jesper said, not ready to give her up.
Yet, he knew it was weak of him to want such things, and that it could end in his further despair.
“I’ll skip gambling for a week when we get back if you go” Jesper offered, knowing kaz well enough to know he’d need a logical justification to go.
“Fine, go pack” Kaz agreed gruffly.
Smiling widely, Jesper stood, “no need, got my babies right here”.
Kaz rolled his eyes but nodded, shoving the letters into the locked drawer on his desk as he stood.
“Now, let’s go bring your girl home” Jesper cheered, walking to the door of Kaz’s office with new found enthusiasm.
Y/n snuck behind one of King Nikolai’s guards that was standing in the hallway, silently slipping into the ballroom behind them.
Her end goal was the library, hoping to get her hands on some new reading material.
Nikolai tried to keep her entertained but since she was here out of an obligation to Kaz and not an actual member of his court, there was only so much he could include her in.
So, reading had become her escape.
She’d read countless novels from within the castle’s archives by now.
She even went as far as reading books on the history of Ravka and surrounding territories; despite the material being utterly uninteresting to her.
The one thing she vowed never to read though were the letters Nikolai claimed were from Kaz.
Y/n had learned the King’s tells by now so she knew he wasn’t lying when he told her who they were from.
Yet she struggled with the notion that Kaz Brekker, the notorious bastard of the barrel, had written letters to her.
Not that it mattered.
As much as the notion intrigued her, she refused to let herself cave into reading even a single line from one.
She’d never even broken the seal on the letters before returning them to Nikolai.
At first the King seemed shocked, but by now they’d played this routine for months.
It no longer shocked Nikolai when she told him to return the letters without even glancing down at the envelopes.
What did shock Nikolai was why Kaz continued to write to her.
He understood Kaz’s concern and reasoning for using his owed favor on y/n.
He even understood why Kaz wrote to the king himself to check on her well-being.
Yet, he couldn’t fathom why the boy kept writing letters that would never be read, only to watch them return to him unopened.
He couldn’t imagine the hurt that most accompany such deliveries, let alone why he’d continue to subject himself to it.
Nevertheless, Nikolai would read the encoded letter Kaz sent him and pull the attached private letter to y/n from within that envelope.
Hiding the personal letter to y/n within a professional one to the Ravkan King was overkill, both men knew it; but Nikolai never commented and Kaz never faltered in his excessive protective measures.
Much like Kaz’s overkill with the letters, y/n was overdoing her actions in the palace; but for very different reasons.
She didn’t truly need to sneak around the palace.
Nikolai was far more than welcoming and let her do as she wished, so long as she didn’t exit the castle without one of his guards with her.
She assumed it was a measure to ensure she didn’t try to flee from the walls of his property, ensuring the King didn’t break his deal with kaz.
However, it was actually a requirement within Kaz’s detailed instructions to the King to ensure her safety.
Yet, after needlessly sneaking past the guards in the hallway, she got into position to repeat the action behind those in the ballroom as well.
It was the only real thing that made her feel more connected to her past.
To the barrel and her life there.
To Ketterdamn and the constant fight to survive.
To Inej, Nina, Jesper, Wylan, and Matthias; the friends she dearly missed.
And, as much as she despised the feeling and the pull of her still being connected to him, to Kaz.
It was still second nature for her to evade guards and stadwatch, so despite not having been home in months, her feet didn’t hesitate or misstep as she glided soundlessly past the guards.
Smiling to herself as she stood in front of the large library doors which were closed behind her, y/N’s eager eyes scanned the vast shelves and colorful book edges.
Deciding on what subject she’d try to read about today, the girl rushed towards the necessary part of the library to begin her search.
Meanwhile, King Nikolai was in his Royal office when one of his personal guards announced he had unexpected visitors.
Upon learning the identity of said guests, he permitted his guards to let them enter before asking for privacy.
Kaz stood before him, as rigid as always, but his in person presence signaled to Nikolai that something was off.
His sharpshooter -Jesper, Nikolai recalled- was roaming the room, his eyes shining as his hands touched anything within reach.
Noticing the cause for Nikolai’s distracted state, Kaz smacked his cane loudly on the floor.
Jesper’s hands immediately fell to his sides as he tucked his lips in and joined Kaz’s side.
“To what do I owe for your presence?” Nikolai asked, leaning bank in his chair slightly.
“Y/n” Kaz stated without hesitation, but his voice didn’t contain as much strength as it normally did.
“She’s safe, I just responded in kind to your most recent letter on the topic” the King assured him.
“Can we see her?” Jesper interrupted since unlike Kaz, he was not bothering to hide his desperation.
Nikolai raised an eyebrow, turning his head to Kaz, “I was under the impression your presence would bring her harm “
Kaz’s already dark eyes narrowed as he glowered at his Ravkan confidant, “if that were still the case, I would not be anywhere near here”.
His words were simple but the tone and finality behind it were sharp.
Nikolai steepled his hands with a nod, “The threat has been taken care of then?”.
Jesper could sense Kaz’s anger grow and one look at his boss told him Kaz didn’t appreciate the continued insinuation that he’d risk y/n’s safety.
“You seem to have forgotten that I am the one who sent her here for her protection. I do not need your opinion on the matter. Of course it’s been taken care of” Kaz started harshly, his judging eyes analyzing the King.
Nikolai smirked, “I admit, I did not forget such details and that all may well be true. What I’m confused on rather is why now “.
Kaz felt the leather of his glove stretch as he squeezed the top of his cane.
“The threat is over” Jesper said, but his confusion made it sound more like a question.
The Ravkan nodded, “ahh yes, but the threat has been over for several weeks now. So I ask again, what’s changed?”
Kaz took an aggressive step forward, eyes firmly focused on the king’s, “Where is she?”
“These were your rules Brekker “ The King smirked, pleased to finally be able to irritate Kaz with his unnecessary persistence, the way Kaz had to Nikolai these past months.
A stinging sigh left Kaz’s tight lips, “I’m here to bring her home”.
Jesper grinned proudly at his friend, completely ignoring the rest of the situation.
Seeing how the slightly troubled look in Kaz’s eyes juxtaposed with his otherwise determined demeanor, Nikolai relented.
“Since the threat has been resolved, should she wish to leave, the terms have been met and we’re even” the king stated.
“What do you mean should she want to leave?” Jesper questioned.
“Part of the terms your boss composed were that upon the conclusion of the threat, that no one, not even himself, would be allowed to force her to leave or go anywhere as doing so no longer would be required for her safety” Nikolai explained.
Jesper snapped his head to kaz who nodded stiffly.
“I will not force her to do anything” kaz stated.
“But she needs to come home. You want her to -“ Jesper sighed.
“I will not force her to do anything” kaz repeated sharply, “what I want does not matter”.
“So if she doesn’t want to go, then what?” Jesper asked Nikolai.
“Then she’s permitted to continue her stay should that be her desire” the king said.
“Saints your highness, what could Kaz ever have done to make you in his debt so much so that you’d take on this responsibility and even let her stay after the deal was done?” Jesper gasped.
Kaz shifted his jaw, “Nothing. That was not part of the deal”.
The King only nodded silently.
“You’ve grown fond of her” Kaz rasped, his chest sinking .
Nikolai rolled his eyes, “I’m not certain I know what you’re referring to. But I certainly know I’d not have sent her away “.
Jesper stepped between the two men, his hands on his revolvers, not waiting to see Kaz’s reaction.
“Have you told her?” Kaz questioned, surprising both Jesper and Nikolai.
“That I wouldn’t have been willing to let her go? Yes. Per the terms of the agreement , I didn’t tell her the reason you did” He answered.
“Where is she?” Kaz asked, trying to ignore the doubt that returned at Nikolai words.
Kaz had long thought about the unintended outcomes of his decision, but he still rather she be alive and with Nikolai than be harmed or dead for choosing him.
“At this time of day, usually the library. Second floor to the right” Nikolai answered easily.
Kaz felt nauseated that someone knew her routine so well.
Sure it was necessary to keep her safe, as he’d ordered the King to do.
But it still felt wrong that someone other than himself knew her whereabouts and routine so intimately.
Ungracefully turning around due to his bad leg, kaz stepped out into the hall, Jesper right behind him.
“Let them wander as they please” nikolai ordered his guards before closing his office door behind them.
“Really regretting your decision now huh?” Jesper murmured.
Kaz shot him a look before recounting the directions to the library.
Upon seeing her for the first time in months, Kaz found his legs failing to move closer.
Instead, he began staring at her, his hungry eyes absorbing every detail of her he could.
It was as if his mind had already determined she’d choose to stay; choose Nikolai.
Not that he could fault her for such.
Yet it didn’t stop the pain in his chest when the thought would float in.
Still, he let his eyes trace her skin, searching for every detail he knew by heart.
The small scar above her left eyelid just below her eyebrow that she’d gotten as a small child.
The triangle shaped mark on the skin of her right elbow from a slip during a heist.
The freckle on the back of her hand that was barely visible with her current posture.
He wasn’t even sure he was close enough to see any of these details, having stopped a safe distance away.
Yet, he knew they were there and he could see them in his mind.
Whether these details were an image in his mind from a time before this when he’d been close enough to truly see them or him somehow being able to see them from so far away now, it didn’t matter.
She was here, he was in the same room as her, for the first time in months.
He’d worked on his touch version with her over the last 7 years and now he wanted nothing more than to run to her and pull her in for a short but firm hug.
But he couldn’t, he wouldn’t let himself do that.
Him even being here, especially after ignoring his letters, was already a big vulnerable step for him.
So instead, he merely gazed at her, resisting his urge to slip the hair tie from her head off until her long hair cascaded down her neck and onto her back.
He has always found her presence mesmerizing, but her hair for some reason brought him comfort.
It was as if seeing the light from the sun or moon hitting her gorgeous and loosely hung hair reminded him she was safe and relaxed.
Early on, Kaz caught on to her ceaselessly tying her hair up during heists or around the streets of the barrel; the habit making her both look more fierce and less approachable to the disgusting men crowding the already narrow streets and alleys.
Kaz knew it also allowed her to move easier, not needing to brush hair from her face when running or turning sharply.
He’d grown to become appreciative of her hair being up; not that it was hard since he admired everything about her.
He knew the act kept her at least slightly safer regardless of where she was or who was near.
However, it was perhaps for that same reason why he cherished when she’d let her hair down.
It wasn’t often she would do it and a small part of him felt prideful when she’d do it in his presence.
It only grew when Nina joked with Kaz about it, telling him how it signaled she was comfortable around him.
While he’d pushed the idea off initially as mocking from Nina, he soon found the truth in it.
He’d noticed that her other tells of her being tense or otherwise dealing with some emotional distress would line up with her either putting her hair back up or keeping it up.
Whereas when she’d feel reassured or calm, she’d lower it.
The key point though being she had to feel safe to be willing to untie it.
It felt like a confession to Kaz when she began letting her hair down around him more.
He saw both styles as helpful indicators he could use to detect her emotions.
He’d worked tirelessly on improving his emotional intelligence and understanding but there were times he’d still struggle or worry he’d misread her state of being.
This simple display of her hair being up of down provided him with reassurance in what he right she was feeling and helped him feel more connected.
Nonetheless, while he appreciated the overall concept and the safety implications that came with it being up; he couldn’t help but always want it down.
He always wanted her to feel (and be) safe, especially if he was around.
But he knew it was also more simple than that.
The Bastard of the Barrel simply loved her hair being down and the way it shaped her face, only heightening her natural beauty.
Jesper let Kaz simmer for a moment before his excitement took over.
He ran to where she was seated at a dusty table in the middle of the room.
As she hastily looked up from her book, a previously hidden small dagger suddenly appeared at his throat.
Kaz found himself smirking at the action.
“J-Jes?” Y/n choked, eyes wide.
“Hi doll, or should I say princess?” Jesper teased, “mind lowering the blade?”.
Laughing nervously, she dropped her hand to her lap before letting go of the dagger and hugging him.
“I missed you” she whispered, but the echoing emptiness of the library made it louder.
Kaz forcefully bit down on the inner side of his lower lip as he noticed the pain in her voice; the pain he was responsible for.
Jesper quickly pulled her in for a tight hug, only opening his eyes briefly to stare pointedly at Kaz and mouth “Come on”.
Kaz stretched his neck as he tried to figure out how to start a conversation with her.
He was never great at communication, but he’d never found it this difficult.
Normally if he couldn’t think of a reason to justify talking to her, he’d be able to come up with some small request for her to help prepare for the next heist.
But he hadn’t planned a heist in awhile, nor did the way he handled the situation leave that as a viable option anymore.
Jesper pulled back, hands still holding the outside of y/n’s biceps as he smiled at her, “we’ve missed you too doll”
“We?” Y/n asked.
Jesper refrained from looking at Kaz so he wouldn’t give away his presence until the man was ready to face her.
“Yes, me and Kaz” Jesper smiled, squeezing her left arm.
Y/n froze before letting out a scoff and humorless laugh, “mmm right. Well it’s good to see you, Jes.”
Jesper sighed, quickly glancing secretly to Kaz as she rolled her eyes, “It’s good to see you too, it’s boring at the slat without you”.
Kaz saw his chance and began to walk closer, starting at a slow enough pace and pressing his cane down soft enough to not make much sound.
Whatever noise he might’ve been making was covered by Jesper’s conversation.
“The slat? Please, I’m fairly certain I’ve read nearly every book in here” y/n laughed sadly.
Eyes wide, Jesper gasped dramatically, “There’s far too many you liar!”
Y/n laughed with a small smile, “I’m a fast reader and I’ve had months Jes. Besides, what else am I supposed to do?”
“Was it really that boring or did you just miss me that much?” Jesper winked, sitting next to her.
Y/n shoved him softly before laying her head down on his shoulder when his body returned to its original position.
“I did miss you Jes. And the others” She admits, “but let’s just say, the most thrilling thing I’ve done in months has been sneaking behind Nikolai’s guards”
Jesper laughed loudly as Kaz froze in shock and frustration.
She was not supposed to be being restricted but the guards were also supposed to be alert enough if someone tried to attack.
It wasn’t surprising to Kaz that someone as skilled as y/n was could slip by even the kings guards, but he still hoped for her own safety it would not be possible.
He took a few steadying breaths as he stared at her, reminding himself that even if the guards hadn’t been up to his standards, she was alive and safe, the threat now over.
“Only you would do that! Where were you going?” Jesper asked, intrigued.
Shrugging she blushed slightly at how boring her target would sound, “here, sometimes the kitchen, a few times to the gardens until Nikolai looked out his window and caught me. Doesn’t matter where, just had to do something “.
Jesper nods in understanding, “what happened when the King caught you?”
Y/n hummed calmly, “He just joined me, usually issuing some comment about how guards needed more training”.
“Making improvements and keeping things interesting wherever you go I see” Jesper winked, rubbing her arm.
“Mmm, clearly” She grumbled under her breath, but with the emptiness in the room, both guys heard it.
“Hey, cheer up! I’m here to take you back!” Jesper assured her.
Lifting her head off his folder to look at him, she sighed, “Jes, no”.
Kaz who was merely a few feet from her now, froze upon hearing her comment and it felt as if she was thousands of miles away again; out of reach, too far gone.
Pouting, Jesper turned to her more, “Why not?”
Y/n gave him a sympathetic sigh, “I’m not going back. I’m not wanted nor needed”.
Kaz swore he could physically feel the distance between them growing.
“That’s not true! Why would you think that? We’re here after all!” Jesper whined.
“I know you’re here Jes, and I appreciate that. But you’re waisting your time” she sighed.
“But-“ Jesper argued as Kaz mentally tried to push past the metaphorical barriers he’d put between them.
Y/n sniffled once, “you know, you’re the first one to come see me?”.
Jesper frowned, “well, to be fair… they think you’re… dead”.
Y/n’s body halted for a half a second before she laughed sarcastically, “Saints, I should’ve known. I figured that…K-… that it was that or some lie tarnishing my name”
Jesper but his lip, suddenly at a loss for words.
“I suppose that makes me feel better about no one trying to contact me” she said as a thank you to Jesper for his attempt at comforting her.
“But nonetheless, Jesper, I’m staying” y/n added.
“Why? I mean, saints I know it’s a castle, and you’re basically a princess now, b-“ Jesper rambled as Kaz shut his eyes.
“I’m not a princess!” She argued with a glare, “I’m still me, Jesper”.
“Then why won’t you come back?” He asked, frowning.
“I can’t. I’m not here because I chose to be, Jes” she pointed out, Kaz opening his eyes in time to see the shame wash over her features.
“I’m supposedly here because I messed up” she sighed, “but in reality, I’m here because I am no longer wanted as I no longer serve a purpose or need”
Kaz closed the distance between them loudly as his cane aggressively hit the floor as he walked, “that is not true”.
Y/n stiffened momentarily before balling her fists up at her sides and narrowing her eyes at him as she turned to see him, “what the hell are you doing here?”.
Kaz swallowed the resistance building in him, walking around to stand before her ,“I’ve got some things to say to you.”
She chuckled mockingly, “that’s wonderful for you. As far as I am concerned you said enough, months ago”.
“I didn’t say half the things I wanted to.” He admitted, the words barely slipping out of his lips.
She shook her head, “you don’t get to say that. Not when you sent me away. You discarded me, when I no longer mattered to you”.
Kaz returned the head shake, “that is the most ignorant thing you’ve ever said”.
Jesper gasped softly and opened his mouth to try to stop the fight but they didn’t notice.
Rolling her eyes, y/n huffed, “Hello Mr. Casually Cruel. So you came here to drag me down lower than you did that night? Good luck with that Brekker.”
Running a gloved hand through his messy hair, Kaz groaned, “that is not why I am here”.
“Right, you’re here because you didn’t say everything that night. Well, I think you’ve said plenty just now. So feel free to leave now ” she laughed breathlessly.
Kaz sighed, his hand rubbing against his face as he lowered it slowly.
“I understand your mad, but you need to listen-“ Kaz began.
Standing up, and stepping back from the table, she groaned, “you don’t get to tell me what to do. Not anymore. You gave that up when you broke up with me over one mistake and kicked me out”.
Kaz sighed, a throbbing pain radiating from his temple.
“Wait, what?” Jesper blurted.
Kaz ignored him, eyes still holding onto y/n’s presence, “I never ordered you around as… your…”
Y/n watched him with an eyebrow raised, curious if he’d call himself her (now ex) boyfriend out loud or not.
It was common knowledge, but Kaz was never one to use formal terms for things when it came to relationships or even friendships.
Clearing his throat, he spoke with more certainty this time, “I may have issued orders for heists, but I never ordered you around as your boyfriend. I-“
Y/n nodded twice with a faint hum, “That’s true. You only did so as my ex boyfriend. My mistake “.
Kaz visibly tensed as she called him her ex, but no one mentioned it.
“Y/n, I-“ Kaz tried, his voice harsh as he tried to hide his fear.
“Why are you here?” She asked exasperatedly, leaning her palms on the table between them, “I expect a real answer Kaz. No indirect or vague answers, no lies, no misdirections, nothing of that nature or I’m walking out of this room”.
“I was not lying about my reason for being here. I need you to-…” He took a deep breath, his voice softening faintly until it was at a slightly less harsh tone “I need to talk to you”.
Y/n pondered his comment, Kaz waiting in silence as she analyzed him as if she were his personal lie detector.
And if he was honest, Kaz swore she basically was.
The only night she’d missed his tells was the night he sent her away.
He knew the intensity of the situation, his indirect explanations/excuses, and his refusal to answer questions he knew he’d have to blatantly lie about, all prevented her from seeing clearly that night.
He felt bad about it, knowing she already had trust issues with most people; hence why even when it was got her safety he couldn’t get himself to outright lie.
So he’d pinned it on something else that he was mad about, although minorly in constant to the real reason, and avoided any questions that would make him lie.
Her waving her hand slightly dismissively between them in a silent signal to continue brought Kaz out of his flashback.
“You did not stop serving a purpose nor did you stop being wanted” he told her.
She could tell he was trying but after what he’d put her through, she couldn’t let herself be too easy on him.
“Jesper already mentioned that” y/n stated, “But I was talking ab-“.
“About me “ Kaz interrupted , “about us. Or.. well… past us… no, that’s not… I suppose us still describes it”.
Y/N’s defensiveness decreased slightly out of shock over his uncharacteristic rambling.
He sighed, his hand in his hair again, “I .. I mean, I don’t know what I am to you… anymore…, …. Or well, even what you think of me. But… I do. I.. know what I think of you”.
Crossing her arms loosely over her chest, eyes staring into his frightened ones, she pressed for more clarity “What are you trying to say Brekker?”
Kaz took a hesitant step closer, “I didn’t send you away because of the reasons you think. You never stopped serving a purpose, obviously not to the crows or dregs. But not to me either”.
Sighing, his gaze shamefully fell to his scuffed boots, “I know I’m shit at this. But I’m trying to say… that, you… that you are wanted. By me.”
Despite the fluttering in her chest, y/n squinted hesitantly at him, “You’re the person who told me the reasons you sent me away, Kaz. You told me you ended it and discarded me because I failed your orders. Now I’m wanted? For what? Some heist you somehow believe I won’t be able to mess up?”
Shaking his head vehemently, Kaz took a sure step forward, “I told you my actions were due to safety concerns. I didn’t say-“
“You didn’t say it was because of the heist, you just let me believe that was the case “ She concluded, replaying the exact conversation from that night.
Kaz nodded in approval of her conclusion, “I don’t want you for a heist, I… I want you …For you. I never stopped …wanting you. But, the dime lions-“
Catching on, she cuts him off with a sharp tone, “they’re coming for you. Aren’t they?”
Kaz nods once, “they were, yes. They would have used you to hurt me”.
“That’s why you pushed me away, why you had me taken from my home and forced to live here” She snapped.
Kaz’s defensive nature took over at her remark, “You could sound a bit more grateful, you live in a castle with a King , many people dream of that kind of life”
Scoffing, she rolls her eyes, “against my wishes. And ghenzen! You know I don’t want that kind of life “
Kaz sighs “it is better than what I can offer”
“I didn’t ask anything from you!” She argued.
When he spoke, his voice was so soft and quiet the tone alone shocked everyone in the room., “I didn’t know if I could protect you any longer. “
“I didn’t need you to! I can protect myself, Kaz! I’m not in need of someone else to do that” she defended.
“Even if I believed they were real, your saints would not have been enough “ he declared firmly.
“My saints keep me sane. I don’t rely on them to keep me safe on a daily basis. I’m capable of that on my own, you should know that! You..- you helped make that happen” she pointed out.
Kaz felt the left side of his lips curl a tiny amount out of pride but he still held his ground, “If you stayed, you’d never be safe, not while there was a reward for your capture! I couldn’t have something happen to you. The castle is safer-”
“Shut up Kaz! Saints, we’re going in circles here. You threw away our history like it meant nothing. Why?!”
Staring at his feet he was honest and direct this time, “when you love something, you protect it. No matter how much it hurts”
She faltered as tears formed in her eyes, but the pain of the last few months hadn’t left, “You lied to me and you’ve got it worked out in your head that you did me a favor”
He nodded, jaw tight “you’re still mad. Be mad, Ghezen, be mad for the rest of our lives! But, I’d like you to be mad by my side. I did what I had to do. I won’t apologize for keeping you sa-”
“You can’t just explain it all away with, ‘I did what I had to do.’ Fuck you Brekker. You have no idea what these past few months have been like” she said to shield herself from more pain and heartache.
“No idea?” Kaz scoffed with a glare, “if you’d have opened the letters I-“
“Why!? Why would I put myself through that?” She shouted.
“You did this Kaz. You sent me away and you don’t understand why I wouldn’t want to read what you wrote after that?!” She groans.
The tears in y/N’s eyes made Kaz’s guilt drive him into complete silence as a means to hide his intense emotions.
“You know what the whirlwind of questions in my mind kept going back to?! The same question that was always there in the end?! If I opened your damn letters, I wouldn’t have been able to stop myself from asking …How’s your heart after breaking mine?” She whimpered.
“And ghezen knows I wouldn’t want to hear that answer; that you were perfectly fine” she stated hoarsely.
She shook her head and turned to leave the room.
“You must really think that I’m stupid.’ He said roughly.
“What?” She questioned, pausing.
“I’d have to be the most idiotic person to be so ignorant as to not know what your absence meant. That I was the reason. You think I was stupid enough to risk …everything for something that was clearly not needed” he argued, following after her.
“That’s what you think, right?” He pressed when she didn’t respond.
“That I am an idiot for doing this, that it is stupid to believe you would have been safer here” he added.
Turning back to him with tears, “you’re not stupid, Kaz. That’s why it hurts. You knew what you were doing. You’re smart enough to know I am able to defend myself, yet you knowingly ignored that and did as you pleased”.
Kaz’s voice trembled only slightly but the waves of emotion in his eyes spoke volumes as he moved closer to her, "everyone I've… Everyone I’ve loved has gotten hurt in Ketterdam. I was not going to let that happen to you”.
Jesper stood silently, wide eyed as he stared at the two, his mind spinning.
Guilt causes her to step closer, eyes flickering downwards and then they rise softer as she looks at him, “why couldn’t you just say that? You owed me that. Months ago, Kaz”
“I warned you communication is not my strong suit y/n” Kaz deflected.
She shook her head as she stared at the ground in disappointment.
“And… Goodbyes are much harder” he added quietly.
Y/n huffed, the pain in her chest burning again “Goodbye would’ve been harder?! On who? Because, you let me believe that…”
She pushes a soft breathy scoff “that I didn’t matter anymore. That you… Saints sake, Kaz. I know you never officially told me you loved me, but ghezen knows I believed you did”.
Kaz parts his lips, taking a shaky step closer with a sorrowful stare, “y/n, I-“
Shakes her head, “if you’re going to try and say it now, or say it indirectly again right now, don’t. Please, just don’t”.
Kaz clenched jaw and nodded stiffly.
Seeing the hurt and confusion simmering in his eyes, she sighed, “y-…y-you watched me go. You don’t get to just come back here and take that all back and act like nothing happened”.
Kaz hung his head slightly, “just tell me one thing, I have to know”.
She nodded slowly and waited for his question.
“While… while you were here, were you safe? Because it matters to me that you’re not hurt.” He states.
She sighed in frustration but Kaz curtly interrupted, “I don’t ask as a way to assert my point behind my actions. Only because Nikolai and I may have different perspectives on such”.
Between the sincerity in his voice and the way his eyes analyzed every inch of her, she knew he wasn’t lying; he was still worried that despite her presence before him, she was somehow threatened or harmed by the rival gang.
Frowning with a soft sigh, she mumbles, “no, I’m fine”.
Kaz grinds his teeth and tightens his grip on his cane, “you’re lying to me”.
“Kaz-“ Jesper whispers in warning.
Pursing her lips and shaking her head as she lifts her gaze to stare back at Kaz, she rebuts, “you really don’t see the irony and hypocrisy here”.
“Yes, I’m lying. Because you’re right about you and Nikolai having different opinions on what that question entails. You and I also have different opinions on it. All you care about is whether or not anyone physically harmed me” she states harshly.
“Which is a no. So congrats, Kaz, you and Nikolai did a fantastic job of that!” She sarcastically compliments.
“But as far as if I’m hurt? Or was hurt?” She laughs breathily, “yes. Not physically, but by you. While you may not let yourself feel anything, other people do Kaz. The pain you caused, not even King Nikolai could have prevented”.
Kaz swallowed thickly, “I did not want you to be hurt y/n, you must know that”.
“You didn’t want me to be hurt? Really? See this is my point!” She huffed, “if you actually did not expect this to hurt, then you didn’t care about me… about us… at all”.
His eyes closed and voice strained, he shook his head slowly, “that is not the case”.
Sniffling before composing herself, she straightens her back as she looked him over, “I’m just supposed to trust that?”
He shook his head again, eyes slowly opening to see her, “that’s why I wrote… “
It was now y/N’s turn to close her eyes to keep from crying, “I… I told you why I couldn’t open them”.
“I know” he admits, “I don’t blame you. But regardless of if you choose to come back, I have to know…When you were gone, did you ever think of me?”
Biting hard on her bottom lip she nods firmly, “you know I did. I couldn’t stop. That’s the problem “
Nodding he purses his lips, “now you understand my situation “.
She sighs loudly, looking between him and Jesper with her pain displayed clearly on her facial features.
“You two can figure this out” Jesper encouraged, “this is far more talking than I expected already”.
When neither one laughs at his attempt to break the tension he sighs.
“Y/n, will you come back?” Jesper asks hesitantly.
Kaz flinches as he watches her bottom lip tremble and chest dip inwards towards herself, shoulders curling forward as her eyes stare blankly into the void between them.
He knows he should be the one to ask her to return, to beg her, plead with her, and promise to make up for his mistakes.
But he can’t.
Part of it is his ego; he knows that.
But if he’s being unusually honest with himself, he knows he’s terrified of her answer.
And for her to say no to Jesper is one thing, to Kaz himself, he’s not certain he’d handle it well.
Y/n takes a shaky breath and stares over at Kaz, her eyes scanning his for some sign of the right choice.
Kaz reluctantly meets her gaze, his uncertainty clear in his eyes.
“I… I need some time, need some space, to think about all of this” she stated with forced elegance.
Ignoring the fact that her tone was likely a lesson from Nikolai, Kaz nodded, “I understand. The offer does not expire”.
“What offer, Kaz?” She asked as he neared the exit, needing to hear him say it.
Turning around to face her, he gave her a small curl of his lips, understanding why she pushed it despite Jesper having just asked her to return.
“I am offering for you to return to the sl- return home” he began, steeling himself confidently once he saw the surprised but pleased stare she responded with.
“With no strings attached. You may once again do as you please… with whom, you please. Wherever you please… the offer is that should you chose to return with us, now, or when you’re ready, you will find a place to stay” he told her.
She listened carefully to each word, her eyes frozen on his face.
“A place you were always wanted” Kaz mumbled softly, uncomfortable with the declaration albeit true.
She gives him a weak smile “thank you”.
He nods slowly, his eyes catching the troubled look in hers, “you mustn’t decide now. Take your time to think this over”.
“Saints know Kaz did” Jesper joked, causing Kaz to glare over at him as y/n choked bac a laugh.
Still, the faint laugh made Kaz’s glare disappear as he turned back to her and gave her a small nod.
“Kaz?” She asked as he opened the library door.
He turned to her patiently awaiting her question.
“May I ask one more question?” She whispered shyly.
Kaz frowned at her even asking permission but nodded, “you know you can”.
Biting her lip, she looked into his dark but patient eyes, “why didn’t you force Nikolai to have me read the letters?”.
Resting his hand loosely on the doorknob, he sighed, “It was not my right to do so. I already violated your free will by forcing you to go with him, I was not going to be cruel enough to do it again”.
“Yet, you still wrote?” She whispered.
He nodded once, “I needed you to know that I… well…”
Y/n nodded, “I understand”.
Kaz gave her a thankful small smile for not making him scramble for a way to describe his feelings especially in front of Jesper.
“Thank you… for…, not requiring Nik to make me read them when I wasn’t ready” she smiled faintly.
Jesper smirked silently as he watched his best friends.
Kaz furrowed his eyebrows slightly and nodded, “you do not need to thank me for that. Besides, even if I was selfish enough to insist, I have a feeling that… Nik… would have refused”.
Raising her eyebrows y/n stared at him in honest confusion.
Kaz chuckled once softly at her expression, “he’s interested in you y/n”.
Squinting, she pokes her tongue against her cheek, “I thought you said he got nothing in return for complying with you sending me here, that you w-“
Kaz shook his head rapidly, “stop. Nothing like that. I didn’t, I wouldn’t, ever do that. He accepted out of necessity to fulfill a favor he owed me, I’m certain you’ve put together by now how I obtained the ability to ask such a favor?”
Y/n nodded, having learned of the Nikolai and Sturmhond connection by now.
Kaz smirked, “mmm, figured you would”
Staring intently into her eyes, he added “He merely accepted to repay the debt. I, in no way, implied any further benefit to him accepting. I did not require anything more from him than your protection.”
Despite it being clear y/n trusted him, Kaz continued, “I assure you that if I feared, for even a second, his intentions weren’t appropriate or he’d cause you any discomfort; I would not have sent you on the ship that night”.
She nodded slowly as she took in his words.
“Nonetheless, it seems… his emotions maybe have… changed in this whole ordeal” he clarified.
Y/N’s lips parted as she silently processed this information.
“I will not ask you to choose. As I stated earlier, should you decide to return, you of course may do so in whatever manner you chose, with or without whoever you’d like” Kaz stated.
She was clearly deep in thought; both over Kaz’s numerous declarations and arguments, as well as the Nikolai revelation.
Once she gave him a polite smile as a small nod, Kaz made a gesture to Jesper.
Jesper caught on, squeezing y/n’s arm sympathetically as he exited the room.
Taking a painfully deep breath, Kaz gave her one final look before stepping into the hall.
He was not sure how long it would take her to process their conversation, let alone decide how to proceed with both aspects.
Nor did he know what that would entail.
But, he’d stick to his word.
Bastard of the Barrel, Kaz Brekker, would cave to whatever she chose; even if it wasn’t Ketterdam, and/or wasn’t him.
He’d find a way to do his part and accept her decision.
Kaz now owed it to y/n to make sure she wasn’t just safe, but happy; even if it meant he wasn’t.
Part 2 Here
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