#traumatic friendships

[no-reallyimfine]

Sometimes I get a bug in my mind to check in on people I once cared about that had done me wrong.

I’m not sure if it stems from one of three places:

*general curiosity because you were once someone that mattered to me and I knew your hopes and dreams and I wonder if you reached your goals?

*was I the only one you treated like you did?

*Did karma catch up?

I caught myself checking in on my freshman college roommate and her now husband… her husband was always a great person and I’m glad to know he got his doctorate… my former best friend though… that was a messy and one-sided relationship particularly in the realm of mental health.

I never…. Did depression right? According to her. She proved not to be a safe space for me when I was depressed, and I couldn’t talk to her about it without upsetting her. So I decided I would talk to her went I felt better so I wouldn’t bother her…. And that never came during the course of our friendship.

During one of my bouts of depression she had compared my coping to a r@pist. How she made that leap was Olympic status.

Essentially her statement went something like along the lines of - how i was treating my depression was the same as a r@pist not r@ping for a week and then excusing a “relapse” over a weekend. This was in comparison to me withdrawing from joyful activities and resting a little despite I had been okay for a while.

That conversation is what made me decide I couldn’t talk to her about my depression and so I wouldn’t. So when I got bad and started a plan, I withdrew from her.

She ended up removing me from all her social media because “seeing my face would send (her) into tears”. When I mentioned anything to her about how she had treated me (a lot happened in our relationship up to this point as well) it was an opportunity to victimize herself.

I still have the screenshots of our last argument. The one that broke the friendship. I was heartbroken to have lost her but a big sigh of relief when I didn’t have to walk on eggshells.

I don’t wish ill upon her or her family. I won’t. I just… end up questioning if everything I remember, everything I cried over, every journal entry I have made, was accurate and if I was actually the problem.

I admit, neither of us were perfect and we could have handled a lot differently. Particularly reflecting now 10years later and having new skills and tools. And I’m glad she is no longer in my life despite her “benevolent” and “bigger person” extension that she would be willing to continue the friendship after some time and an apology to her.

I’m glad I blocked her husband’s social media (she has already blocked me on everything) so I can’t check in.

I do hope he is doing well and is safe because there were some major red flags in their relationship that my mom (who was a DV victim social worker for most of my life) had hairs standing on the back of her neck for him.

[doublxpresso]

forgiveness

(from Courage of Stars by @mykingdomforapen)

[crush-echoes]

i dont know if anyone actually likes me

it doesnt feel like they do

everyone seems so close to each other

what if theyre talking about me

do they hate me

[shojoboy]

something i love abt princess tutu is that if u remove all the fantasy elements is that ur left with a pretty standard fucked up 4-person queer teenage situationship drama. like yea im sure that happened in Somebody’s ballet school

[apocalypse-friend]

Aziraphale and Crowley's break up is so traumatizing for them because it was the equivalent to a pre-teen girl best friendship break-up times a million. The premarital divorce part is also pretty bad, but the friendship break-up is the worst part of it

[delawaredetroit]

Miritama and their well-adjusted rivalry feels so out of place in the abusive relationships and oppressive social hierarchies manga

[yousaveeveryonebutwhosavesyou]

I HAVE FUCKING NO ONE. I STAY IN MY FUCKING ROOM AND JUST PRETEND. PRETEND THAT MY LIFE IS DIFFERENT, THAT IM DIFFERENT, THAT THINGS ARE DIFFERENT. I DONT WANT TO PRETEND ANYMORE. I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY. I WANT TO HAVE FRIENDS. I WANT TO HAVE PLANS. I WANT TO HAVE MEMORIES. I WANT TO HAVE FUN AND LAUGH AND HUG. I NEED A HUG. I NEED HUMAN CONTACT. I NEED SOMEONE TO CARE. I NEED SOMEONE.

[stuckinapril]

A major annoying thing about being in a male dominated stem field (chemistry for me) is you basically work w guys 99% of the time & they ALL think you have a crush on them if you’re even fleetingly nice. And so far I’ve refused to water down my personality to compensate for it but it’s so annoying knowing I’m inadvertently feeding into someone’s unchecked ego

[thestarfishface]

On the one hand I do not want to make a video recounting the story of how me and my childhood best friend broke up, for a number of reasons including not wanting to dredge up old drama.

On the other, I broke up with my best friend of 12+ years over deviantArt llamas, and after having ~15 years to emotionally recover from that incident, the story is so fucking funny.

[my-fishstickers]

Deer standing in the headlights begging you to take it's life.

Alrighty y'all I'm slowly catching up to my Instagram I figured I'd post this next I'm still very proud of it.

PLEASEEEE GO LISTEN TO THE POST TRAUMATIC MANIFESTO PLEAAASEE

This album became a hyperfixation so fast y'all shoutout to my boyfriend for listening to every song with me.

Link to the song:

[nono-uwu]

Shinoa doodle from class and a forever wip :3

[o-winterqueen-o]

fengming is such a fun ship because you have these two guys who are deeply and irrevocably traumatized by their closest relationships and how those relationships intersected with their own sense of duty, loyalty, and honor. and they both have such opposite responses to that trauma.

pei ming finds new friendships with ling wen and shi wudu but does his utmost to remain carefree and tries to leave the past in the past. to not think of everything he's lost everyone he loved who he cut down with his own hands tries to not let himself to get too attached to anyone else (he fails) and just live in the moment. even though his past still clearly haunts him,,, he can't commit himself to a weapon, he can't speak to yushi huang, he can't bring himself to have more than a fling with anyone.

meanwhile feng xin digs in with all his might and grasps at every straw he can to not let his connections fade even though they've twisted and gone sour because he refuses to move on and refuses to make new meaningful connections. he'll pick fights with mu qing and chase after xie lian and jian lan because even after all they've done to hurt him, he loves them and doesn't know how to stop,,,

but in the end they're both a couple of guys who never meant to ascend, who never sought to be more than what they were. pei ming was happy as a general. feng xin was happy as a bodyguard. and they've lost so much in a way that few people can understand but at least they can understand each other.

[wynsvre]

realized i never posted this old comic about my childhood best friend

[iamumbra195]

I hate when people talk about Ashler like it’s inconceivable to ship them.

They’ll be like “Oh, they had so much beef, they’re barely even friends.” Genuinely asking here, have you even read the webtoon if you think that?

Tyler had issues with practically everyone at the beginning, hell, most of the kids didn’t even like each other. Ben, Aiden, Ashlyn, and Logan all thought he was a jerk and he was acting like one because he was trying to protect himself and Taylor and the whole situation was stressful as hell. That’s why his character development is so good. Even Ashlyn remarks that he’s being less of a jerk in one chapter and Taylor says that he's begun to see the others as real friends, maybe even family.

They all eventually became allies and then friends, including Ashlyn and Tyler. Sure, they like to throw some sarcastic remarks at each other but that’s just their sense of humour and part of the appeal of their friendship. Same with Aiden and Tyler, they insult each other all the time but the insults that were originally meant to hurt are now used affectionately.

He gave Ashlyn a nickname guys. He gave a jokey nickname to cheer her up because she felt terrible about the fact that she had to leave him behind while he got terribly hurt, while he died. She literally started crying out of guilt and being overwhelmed by the whole situation. She cares about him and he cares about her and the whole gang cares about each other, which is why there are so many ships in the fandom to begin with.

So stop acting like anyone who ships Ashler is stupid and stop saying ‘they’re like siblings’ on every post about them. We know it’s probably not gonna be canon, hell, Red herself said romance isn’t the focus of the webtoon at all.

I don’t even like shipping in general but the TikTok fandom keeps pissing me off. Stop acting like everyone has to ship the same things as you and stop commenting shit like ‘cute edit but I wish it was Aidlyn’ or ‘They’re just friends, they act like siblings’. Like yeah, they’re not canon but you’d have to be blind if you couldn’t see why some people ship it. Stop shitting on people’s ships and let them have their fun, we all know they’re not canon.

NONE OF THEM ARE.

Anyway, that’s the end of my rant. Sorry, I keep getting Ashler hate every time I search it up on TikTok. It’s so stupid and annoying, let people ship who they want in peace and stop undermining Ashlyn and Tyler's canon friendship and character development to shit on people’s ships. It’s an insult to the characters and your ability to read between the lines.

Live, Laugh, Love Ashler.

[attractthecrows]

yeah yeah trick weekes says whatever about it not making sense that solas couldnt sneak off THEY FAILED TO CONSIDER that maybe he just is ass at it when he gets invested. much like. the whole fucking rest of the romance where he COMPLETELY fails to resist until the breakup.

anyway.

im personally of the opinion that he's more liable to slip up - fail at sneaking, accidentally reveal details, contradict himself - when he actually makes bonds with people. which is why after trespasser he goes and lives alone in the lighthouse for ten years but i digress.

and i think "that", the bonds tripping him up, should be reflected in his exit from the Inquisition. you're enemies or neutral, yeah he just vanishes. there's nothing to keep him there, nothing to interfere with his plans and intentions. you're (ex)lovers? i think he still would pull back purposefully and probably vanish, but there would be definite hesitation. he would have to force himself to do so, because fuck, he wants to stay. he wants to be close to you. but he also, crucially, knows that you have a dangerous sway over him, so he MUST disengage. if you're friends, it takes him some effort. because he does like you, he doesn't want to do what he has to, it's been so long since he had people who were friends to him, and he doesn't have to force himself away because he's in too deep. he knows you would worry about him. he might not be willing to give anyone the truth - but he would owe you a goodbye, at the very least. especially if you weren't the type to try to convince him to stay.

[the-solar-system52]

I've had an epiphany.