#toxic sommelier

[toxicanonymity]

What if Corey has a CNC kink-

But he's worried you don't wanna do it so he keeps to himself but he gets upset and when you say that you also have the kink he just- goes feral-

Combined this with the ask from @yllcm below. . . my inner sommelier felt it was a good pairing.

Notes: NSFW 18+, unprotected PIV, CNC (con-noncon), noncon, Corey and Michael both alive after Halloween Ends.

PSA on Corey requests: don't take it personally if I don't answer something fast or spin it into Michael thirst lol. 💟

Background Notes: Corey and Michael both survive. I cant resist mentioning Michael revived Corey by snapping his neck, and the whole midnight procession was just from Laurie’s novel, a therapeutic exercise in closure. Corey gets out of town while things cool off.

-

You don’t quite believe it when Corey insists Michael is still alive, until you see Michael lurking around one day. Then, you see him again. It doesn’t seem like a coincidence that you’ve seen him twice in one week. It stays on your mind. You have trouble sleeping.

When you finally drift off for a nap, you have a very hot dream that Michael attacks you and has his way with you. Dream Michael is pummeling you and you’re about to come when you wake up. Shortly after, you receive a call from a restricted number.

- - -

“Hello?”

“Hey babe.” Corey's low voice sends a chill down your spine. “What are you doin?”

“Ohh, I was just taking a nap.”

“Aww, sorry for waking you up.”

“Nah, already woke up. What are you doing?”

“Nothing. Has anyone seen Michael around yet?”

“Actually I saw him myself.”

“You what? really?”

“Yeah, the first time I thought I was seeing things so I didn’t mention it. But today, I was sure.”

“No shit. Is he following you?”

“When are you going to tell me what happened?”

There’s a long pause.

“Not on the phone,” he says. “Wow, I wonder if he’s stalking you. Are you scared?”

“I was, but I just had the strangest dream and I'm not now.”

“What was the dream?”

“Actually it was kind of, um, sexual. I’m still pretty worked up.”

There’s a long pause.

“Sorry, I guess that’s weird.”

“No,” he says. Something changes in his voice. “It’s hot as hell.” He sighs. “What happened, did he fuck you?”

“Really? Okay. Yeah, he came into the diner when I was working. Everyone cleared out but me because I was in the bathroom.”

“Uh-huh”

“He walked straight across the diner and-”

“Did he pull his knife on you?” Corey breathes heavily.

“Yeah. I thought he was going to kill me, then he bent me over a table.”

“Fuck,” Corey breathes. “Then what.”

“Are you hard right now?”

“So hard. What happened next”

“I tried to escape while he had his cock in his hand. He caught me and threw me back down.”

“Ohhh my god”

“Then he forced me.”

“And you liked it?”

You moan softly. “Never felt anything like it before. No offense.”

“What was it like?” He whispers.

“God, now I’m wet.”

“Fuck, I wish I was there so bad.” It’s obvious he’s jerking off.

“Me too, trust me,” you whine as you touch yourself.

“What was it like,” he repeats, darker.

“Like my whole body was being filled.”

“Oh, God,” Corey’s breath becomes ragged.

“It was so hard. And big, it was huge, but it didn’t even hurt.”

“Fuck me,” Corey whispers. “Did he come?”

“Oh yeah, like a firehose.”

“But I didnt. I woke up."

"Fuck, I wish I could stuff you with my cock right now, make you come." You're twitching on the edge.

"Me too, I miss it so bad."

"Suck your tits while I pound you."

You moan as you come. He's grunting.

You say, Iit was so vivid. I guess I liked it, being forced. Would you ever do that for me?”

Corey groans "fuck yes," then sighs in relief as he comes.

As he catches his breath, he says "absolutely.”

You groan and say, "I feel so empty. When are you coming back? Can I come to you? I dunno how long I can wait. "

He sighs. "Michael's following you. What if he really tries something?"

"I dunno, would you be upset?"

"God no, you should do it. Hell, I'd do it"

"Now that's hot."

- -

A few days later, you’re about to leave for work. You open your apartment door and Corey’s there with the darkest look in his eyes. He pushes you right back into your kitchen.

“Corey-”

He cuts you off with his mouth, kissing you ferally. He sucks your neck, gropes your breasts.

“I have to work,” you pant.

He pulls you into him so you can feel how hard he is and you moan, dropping your bag and keys.

He manhandles you onto the sofa without a word and pulls down your pants and underwear. You start to get up to take them off entirely but he forces you back down on your back and pins your hands above your head as he lays his whole body into you. He keeps your wrists pinned with one massive hand and takes his cock out with the other. You’ve never been so turned on. He shoves himself into you with a grunt and pounds you until you come.

@wolvesandvampires @ethanhoewke @rebel-blue

[butterflybuckethat]

Stranger Places

🦋 Masterlist 🦋

I'm back at it again trying to combat writer's block. Hope you like it!

Notes: Carmen Berzatto x Fem!Reader; Carmy finds you drunk in the bathroom of The Bear. (1.8k words)

Warnings: Slow burn, toxic ex-boyfriends, drunkenness

Chef Carmen Berzatto designed the restroom of The Bear as a complement to the main dining room, extending its warm minimalism to the wide sink basin, pale wood shelves and simple fixtures, all tied together by a signature scent of jasmine and oud. Not that you noticed any of this, your head being in the toilet and all. 

“Cousin!” Richie was forming a plan, which always meant bad news for Carmy. A line started forming outside the bathroom. “I told you we should’ve put in two.”

“Would you shut the fuck up, Richard?” Today was not the day. It had barely been a week since the deep freeze incident, and Carmy still felt shaky at the helm. They were half a turn behind.

“Fuck you, Carmen. How am I the only one taking this seriously?” 

“We need to focus.”

“No, we need to get whoever’s puking in the bathroom up outta there.” Carmy took a deep breath, forcing his gaze off the tickets. Richie continued, “if people think our food makes people sick...” His eyes blew wide, head bobbing, as if this were a foregone conclusion. “Okay?” 

Carmen looked at him, practically flinching when Sydney yelled “hands.” Lately, he had seriously been considering the thought that he was a bad person. He knew that Sydney was capable—in fact, he would proudly describe her as brilliant—but, after she took over for him that night, everyone else saw it too. And yet, he was reluctant to hand her his position. 

“This is big picture shit, Carm.” Richie said, softer this time, using Sugar’s words against him: some things are more important. 

“Syd,” he could barely look at her. She moved into his spot, as if it were the easiest thing in the entire world, and began arranging the tickets, yelling commands. Carmy balled his hands, pushing the air out of his lungs. He didn’t resent her, he just hated himself. “Do we still have those water guns?”

“Fuck,” you spat into the toilet. Everything was spinning. This was a new low, touching your forehead to a public toilet just to feel the cold porcelain, and you had no idea how you got here. You were drinking wine! You never got drunk from wine. At least, not like this. You hadn’t been this obliterated since college, the night Mark joined Sigma and introduced you to jungle juice. You retched again, just thinking about it. 

You tried to stand, digging your nails into the ridges between the subway tiles. But you stumbled, knocking into little decorative objects so meticulously placed on a shelf, and sunk back the floor. “Fuck.” You wanted to cry, but everything was so out of control. You tried focusing your sight on the now headless ceramic bear by your stockinged foot when there was an urgent knock on the door. 

“Hello?” It came in all muffled.

“Mark?” you responded; voice hoarse. The doorknob jiggled.

“Are you okay? Can you unlock—” the voice was drowned out by cheers in the rest of the restaurant.

“What?”

“Can you unlock the door?” he repeated louder. You crawled over on your hands and knees and turned the lock. The knob turned and the door cracked open.

“Wait!” You pushed it shut. He tried to open the door again but you leaned against it, hastily smoothing your hair and wiping the makeup from underneath your eyes. Mark had seen you worse but that was when you were still together. It’s different now. “Okay,” you slurred, scooting out of the way and letting him in. You looked up. “You’re not Mark.”

It was a hassle getting you into the office. Carmy had you by the waist, dodging the squirt guns and confetti that came with the impromptu surprise, while you stumbled and swayed in the opposite direction.

“I’ll be right back,” he reassured once he got you settled in a chair with a big bottle Pellegrino and an uneven slice of bread. Richie and the sommelier, Ernesto, were waiting for him outside.

“Nice,” Richie pointed to the puke that rubbed off from your dress onto his shirt.

“Whatever,” Carmy responded, deciding it wasn’t worth it to mention that Richie’s suit was half soaked and covered in glitter. “What’s up Ernesto?”

He looked to Richie first which made Carmen’s palms sweat. “They only ordered two bottles.” Ernesto spoke quietly, wringing a towel in his hands.

“They?” Carmy asked, patting the kid on the shoulder to try and ease his nerves.

“She was sitting with some guy.”

“Who is this guy?”

“How should I fucking know? It’s a woman’s name on the reservation.” Carmen wondered, not for the first time, if Richie was capable of speaking at a reasonable volume.

“I don’t know, ask him?”

“He left.” Ernesto added.

“Don’t you have a receipt, credit card, something?” 

“He ran.” Richie was practically giddy. “Look at this.” He carefully unwrapped two empty wine glasses from a linen napkin.

“What’s this CSI?” Carmy scoffed.

“Just look,” Richie lifted the first glass up to the light. “What do you see?”

“There’s a lipstick st—”

“There’s a lipstick stain, right.” Carmy was very quickly losing patience. “The girl clearly drank from this glass.”

“Can you get to the fucking point, please?”

“Look at his,” he held the second one up. “Notice anything?”

He squinted, searching for something to find, “No.”

“Exactly.” The glass was pristine, not even a smudge. “Thanks, Ernesto.” Richie dismissed.

“Wait,” Carmen stopped him. “You poured him a glass?”

“Both of them, yeah.”

 “And you kept pouring hers?”

 “No, he did all the pouring.”

 You felt like shit; your head was pounding. The seltzer had settled your stomach a bit but you couldn’t bring yourself to touch the bread. And, to make matters worse, you were surrounded by strangers, with puke on your favorite dress, and where the fuck was Mark?

 “How are you feeling?”

 You peeked through your fingers. Carmen. “Horrible. How do I look?” You began to stand, tentatively.

He let out a little laugh.

“Jesus, you’re laughing?” you asked, incredulous.

“No, of course not.” But he had this fucking smile on his face.

“What the fuck?” You did a little shimmy, tugging down your dress, and flipped your hair which did little more than make you woozy. “How about now?” you asked after steadying yourself on his desk.

His eyes raked over you. You watched them land on your thighs, the curve of your waist, your clavicle. “You look great.” 

You cleared your throat, hoping to mask the shiver that ran down your spine. “Great,” you said. You took a sip of the Pellegrino, swished it around your mouth and headed for the door.

“Wait, where are you going?” Carmen outstretched his tattooed arms, blocking your path. Your eyes widened, suddenly understanding what a compromising situation you seem to have gotten yourself in. But he backed away immediately, taking a few steps out of your way. “I-I just meant…are you sure you’re feeling well enough?”

 “I’m here with someone,” you explained, shoulders relaxing.

“Yeah…”

How was he supposed to tell you? “I think you should sit,” he started.

“Did something happen to Mark?” Your eyes widened, “is he sick too?” 

Carmy felt an unexpected wave of rage. You were concerned for him? This fucking bastard “Mark?” “Please sit.”

He watched as you tugged the hem of your dress and sat primly. Carmy knelt in front of you, hands ghosting your calves. He was trying to be comforting which he had never really had to be before, being the youngest. He suddenly wished Sugar were around. “He left.”

“Left?” you repeated, crease forming between your brows.

“Ditched.” Carmy braced himself for your emotional fallout. But all that came was a bitter laugh.

“What a fucking asshole.”

He searched your face, looking for some kind of explanation. “First date?”

“That would be less embarrassing. Ex-boyfriend.” You leaned back, causing the leather to exhale.

“Did he do that often? Get you drunk and leave you with the bill?” Carmen didn’t mean for that to come out so bitter. He barely understood why he was getting so worked up over this. 

“Oh shit. I’m so sorry. Obviously, I’ll pay. I think my purse…” You just looked so helpless. You got a raw deal and Carmen just wanted to make sure you were okay. Big picture and all that. What kind of restaurant owner would he be if he just let shit like this happen at his place?

“No, that’s not- That’s not why I brought it up.” You looked at him. The color had returned to your cheeks, making your smudged makeup look less scary and more…hot. 

“Thank you,” you blushed. “I’ve caused you enough suffering, I’m sure. I should really get going.” There really wasn’t much he could offer you but he didn’t want you to leave.

“Are you hungry?”

Was this pathetic? To be letting the man whose restaurant you just violated cook you a grilled cheese? You had a distinct feeling you were engaging in behavior your mother warned you about.

“How do you want it cut?” Carmen asked, towel slung over his shoulder. 

“Triangles, please.”

“Excellent choice,” he mumbled. You couldn’t help but admire his broad shoulders and biceps that strained the material of his perfect white shirt. He set the plate in front of you. “So, what happened with you and the guy?”

“Asking the hard questions first, huh?” You grabbed half of the sandwich, licking your lips at the stretch of the cheese, and pushed the rest of it towards Carmen.

“It’s for you.”

“We can’t share?” He picked up the other half and took a bite, making you smile. But it was short lived, he pressed the question. “I don’t know. We dated.”

“How long?”

“Five years.” You shrugged, as if it were nothing. This was a practiced movement; one you’d perfected for a while now. 

“Oh.” Carmen put the sandwich down.

“It’s been two years,” you assured. “It’s not like— It’s not like I’m still in love with him or something.”

“Then why’d you meet up with him?” 

“What’s with the third degree?” You got down from where you were sitting on the counter. The Bear had long closed and you and Carmen were the only ones left in the kitchen. “You don’t even know me.”

“Your puke on my shirt feels pretty fucking personal.” His voice was soft, not a hint of anger or frustration. He looked tired all of a sudden, like he lost something.

“You don’t even know my name.” You spoke quietly and he inched closer, wanting to hear you. You could smell the candle, the jasmine and oud, faint on him.

“I know your name.”

“Yeah, what is it?” He was taller than you; not by much, but enough that you had to tilt you head to look him in the eyes. Bright blue.

“Milly.”

You were just staring at him, for a while, a mix of shock and confusion on your face. Did he do something wrong? “What did I say?” He asked, placing his palm on your waist.

“I should go.” You pulled away from him. Carmy wanted to pull you back but you were already halfway across the room. He could’ve kicked himself.

“I’m sorry,” he followed, watching you move things around the office. You were unsteady on your heels. Carmen rushed to help support you but you recoiled, like his touch burned. He apologized again. “Can I help you?”

“No, I got it.” You said, pulling your clutch out from behind a stack of bills.

“Can I at least take you home?” He offered, now standing on your far opposite.

“Uber.” You shook your phone. You weren’t unkind. He was a stranger after all, but he could’ve cried anyways. You made your way to the front of the restaurant, your Uber came quick. “Thanks for your help, Carmen. And the meal.” You pushed the door open, a burst of cold Chicago air cut through him.

“I’m sorry, Milly.”

“That’s not my name.” And you were gone.

Part II

[fisheito]

If you want actually good BL reccs, I've been reading Cherry Magic recently and it's v sweet.

I also read this other one a while ago that was wholesome in a weird way: "My quiet best friend's just tongue-tied"

dude do u know what this ask feels like? like... me: *puts down the toxic high school BL midway through* *heavy sigh* *takes a swig of lavender lemonade* why tf all these yaois so damm .. i don't know. sigh. this is a young man's game. maybe i'm not fit for this no mores anon: hey so i heard u like wholesome and probably not teens *slides recs over* me: either i am unbelievably easy to read or you're just a seasoned BL sommelier. thank u dearly, anon

[thequeervampiric]

*swirling around the taste of a toxic ship in my mouth to see if it agrees with me like a sommelier* I see, I see...

[zalrb]

Do you have any predictions for S4 of The Bear or do you have anything you’d like to see specifically?

After Syd’s panic attack, I hope she decides to tell Carmy about Chef Adam’s offer. I am nervous for her because I’m worried that if she takes it she will end up in another abusive kitchen. That being said, I don’t want her to stay with Carmy because she deserves better. I’d feel bad for Carmy, but he’s been treating Syd like shit for 3 seasons.

I hope we get more episodes about Tina, Ebra, and Gary. Especially Ebra. I know the changes with The Bear have affected him and I worry that if Sydney leaves, he’ll be negatively impacted by the Carmy of it all. After hearing Gary’s backstory, I really feel for him. I’m glad he seems to be doing well as sommelier.

I think Marcus will debut the dessert with the violets inspired by his mom, and I can’t wait to see it. I’d also love to see more of him and Luca.

I’m so curious to see how Natalie and Pete deal with parenthood. I wonder how involved Donna will be, physically or not.

I have no feelings about Claire, but I’d like to see more of her to understand why the Faks go so hard for her. I really liked seeing the Faks visit her at the hospital on Carmy’s behalf (even tho it was hella inappropriate), but for her sake, I hope she doesn’t get back together with him; like Syd, I think she deserves better.

Idk, this sounds like I want Carmy to suffer, and he’s been suffering for 3 seasons. I don’t want him to go through gratuitous suffering for my viewing pleasure, but I do want him to realize the way he’s been treating everyone is not okay.

I think with Carmy, I'm at a point now where I need a change, it can be negative or it can be positive, but there needs to be movement because that's what exhausted me as a viewer in season 3 more than his reprehensible behaviour in that, the way Carmy treats everyone has been consistent since season 1 so either he needs to go full villain and lean into the toxicity he internalized and learned from his head chef or he needs to completely crash out in manner more spectacular than he has been in the past three seasons and it costs him everything or he needs to recognize his behaviour and start taking steps to correct it and lean into psychological and emotional growth.

I actually could do with less of the Faks, they mostly annoyed me in season 3.

I definitely want more Ebra and Gary and Tina, I think it's only fair that particularly Ebra and Gary get more expansion.

I either want Syd to leave because I think it would be interesting to see her in a different environment and with different people, see if she gels or doesn't gel in a different kitchen, what her personality is like with other people (while of course the long game would be finding her way back to The Bear) or I want there to be some kind of, like, coup from the staff where they're like Carmy has to defer to Syd because of his behaviour.

I would like Richie to have a romantic relationship, I think that would be interesting.

And I would like Marcus to have a more prominent role in the kitchen, like his significance and his importance is definitely established and yet I find his actual role in the show to be a bit vague and amorphous, he's kind of just around so I would like to see that cemented.

[tillinghastcorporatemedia]

Well shit im about to ruin everyones dash with this one time for OC parade with some familiar and unfamiliar faces

You got Adelheida, tech wizard extraordinaire and synth-hash smoking Romulan that'll keep shit running longer than expected

We got Artemis, The secondary character in some of our short stories and one of the most popular models (only second to Katerina) in Palikata. Loving, sweet, and looking for adventure Artemis knows where to party and where to play and she goes for it everytime

We got Delilah, Current vocalist and guitarist for Era of Hubris, loves pink, animals, and Drum and Bass.

We got Draynor, Aka Daxkel, the stankpop media darling musician. Will give you a beer to get a beer in return

We got Elellin, faster than most and one of Palikata's favorite athletes, Elellin always draws a crowd to any event she's participating in

We got Elisha, Current bassist and backup vocals in Era of Hubris. She's quiet, romulan, and ready to party

We got Elizabeth, one of the upcoming amateur models that's fighting for her seat at the table. Her and Nina are often competing for jobs.

We got Faison, aka General Grump, aka Mistress Melancholic, Faison loves complaining, her friends, and finding good food.

We got Genevieve, master space station technician and occasional synth hash enjoyer

We got Halston, Genevieve's lackey on the space station. They're trying to get a new position but it's not going well

We got Hugo, parkour enthusiast, mannaferment sommelier, best friend to Terrance, Orrum, and always has a tendency to point out flaws.

We got Katerina, Palikata's favorite media darling, model, and lover of open relationships. Basically you will see her in most if not all clothing advertisements.

We got Letitia V, brilliant, one of the few people who know some form of defense art, bunqua drinker, and all around mellow babe.

We got Lydia, lover of femmes, smart, and absolutely cannot see Artemis without the two of them arguing (they've broken up a few times)

We got Maya V., Architect, scientist, and best friend to Rhys

We got Nadja, skateboarder, graphic designer, and all around team player. They're working on getting the very first extended length skate video together.

We got Nina, Palikata's amateur model that's really making waves in the scene right now. She's toxic, she's kinda mean, but she sells pretty much anything that has her face on it. (including her own beauty line)

We got Peter, squimpp salesman and fisherman, obsessed with Paris even though they've been dating for a bit. Works hard and loves harder

We got P'iquloth, it professional and lover of chaos. They'll help you with anything

We got Pruitt, aka the genius behind Opulent Proxima Ruin, Dating Byron, and one of many musicians in Palikata

We got Rhys, writer for the paper Palikata Times, Rhys hands out with Elizabeth, Maya, and Vincent. Often travels far to get a story

We got Sariyah, Lover, drinker, all around competive person. They'll drink you under the table and want to go play kickball

We got Terrance, the main character of Romulan Nights, bike courier for contract disputes, bit of a dumbass, but will stand up for his friends

We got Tiarra, Faisons right hand, thinks Terrance is so hot, and is willing to make a fool of herself to get a laugh. One of the main stars of Romulan Nights

We got Ulyana, Terrance's current girlfriend, one of the fewer Or'otl that have gone through engendering. Ulyana will break you down but in an attempt to build you up stronger. Lovely, often seen in leisure wear.

We got Valery, the mind behind eccLesio, musician, artist, and sometimes the local menace.

We got Vincent, Rhys' best friend. Often seen with new partners as he can be a bit of a buzzkill

We got Xendelne, If you need someone to get you something, you go to Xendelne. Artemis' party guide and overly networked artist, if Xendelne doesn't know where the parties at they will shortly

just for extra ocs, no descriptions just names

We got Mitzi

Irina

and apparently ive hit the post limit on photos.

OC PROPAGANDA!!! I WANT OC PROPAGANDA RIGHT NOW! Everyone show me the oc blorbo!!! I gotta know everyone's OCS tell me why you're spinning them around in your head!!! I want propaganda!!!

Please and thank you 🙏

[arttrampbelle]

Hobie Brown/Spiderpunk self ship asks

I tried to make some self ship hcs n answer some ask game stuff.

Hobie is a new f/o so bear with me. I'm still working on things in the writing. And i haven't done any spiderman stuff in a while. I only know so much of him particularly. But from what i could gather and what mutuals told me. I think i got him down decently. Also he reminds me hella of my irl s/o. So theres that too.

I also just don't want people to come at me or be toxic or unnecessarily mean. I already dealt with that before with marvel fans. I dont wanna go thru that again.

But i still wanna enjoy the characters. So I'm trying to just stay in my lane,enjoy the character and write what i wanna write. Idgaf if its not "canon" . And i haven't seen the movie yet(look i will just bear with me ok? I haven't been able to)

Some things are tba because i haven't come up with something as of yet.

New self ship tag is

❤🇬🇧🌹Webs n roses🌹🇬🇧💙

(Cuz i couldn't think of anything else,and it sounded good enough)

Anyways i hope you like these.

Cw:may have hints at smut or nsfw content. Fluff. Hella fluff.

💙🇬🇧❤🇬🇧💙🇬🇧❤🇬🇧💙🇬🇧❤🇬🇧💙🇬🇧❤🇬🇧💙

• Star- Does your F/O do anything to calm you when you're upset?: hobie will try to talk it out. Straight up. He doesn't bullshit with that. If you're not feeling good he'll be there to comfort and or help me out. Whatever is needed at the time. He knows hugs and talking it through with me and giving me a space to let go is what is best. But if i need to scream and let it out,he blasts some of his fave "let that shit go" music.

• Planet- What about your F/O drew you to them? Was it their personality? Their looks? Their story? Something else?: ok look hobie is down my alley. He's my jam to my butter. Everything down to a T. Speaking of which. He reminds me so damn hard of my irl bae. But just British flavored. Fr. 💖💕

• Galaxy- What do you and your F/O do when one of you is homesick?: he'll try to make something homemade that reminds me of home. And I'll try to make him an art piece that helps remind him. 💖

• Black Hole- Have you ever had a strange dream about your F/O? : he's a very very recently acquired f/o so not yet.

• White Dwarf- Do you and your F/O have any plans for the future, big or small?: currently just living bro. Living life. What happens,happens.

• Moon- What's something your F/O does that never fails to make you happy?: makes me playlists. 🥺💕

• Solar Wind- Does your F/O have any skills they like to show off?: besides the sick ass guitar skils? Nothing special. Maybe his patchwork and suit work mostly.

• Neutron Star- Describe something silly you've done with your F/O: taking funny pics. Making memes. Drawing funny doodles of each other. Him Sending random pics saying "dis you luv? >:p <3)

• Quasar- Open ended! Gush as much as you want about your F/O, anything you want to talk about is fair game: ok ok ok ok. Look. I'm just now getting back into spiderman. I only know a very lottle a out hobie brown spiderpunk. I only know from what my sibling has told me. And only know thru osmosis from friends. So please. Please. Please don't come for me. Dont be an asshole. I've already gotten harrassment from marvel fans before i DO NOT WANT THAT EVER AGAIN plz. And i already seen some bigots and oof people in the tags so im trying to avoid that like the plague. I just wanna love on hobie in peace. Thank you.

1.Sommelier: If you were to describe your f/o in terms of flavors, what flavors would you assign them and why? (Ex.: citrusy, savory, minty, etc.): like a nice homemade,homely type thing. Like a homemade soft baked bread. Dark molasses bread. With natural butter. And strawberry and BlackBerry jam. Either that or a home made hazelnut chocolate chip cookie. Sweet but not overly. Like a bitter dark chocolate or a very very tart fruity flavor. Or a thick chili sauce that has kick to it. Either way bold,smooth,slightly sweet and always always homemade with love or small business owned.

2. Appellation: If possible, look up and tell us the meaning of your f/o's name + tell us if you feel it reflects your f/o in any way (those of you with OC f/os, It's your time to shine ;)): that im not sure. I have to again fresh up on my spider lore.

3. Izod: How tough is your f/o? Have they ever reached their breaking point and if so, what happened and how did they pick themselves back up afterwards + how did you help them through this time?: again i have to fresh up on my spider lore.

4. Teeter-totter: How playful is your f/o? How do they like to have fun? What makes them laugh and let loose? What's their favorite card/board/video game?: hobie is very playful. Cheeky little shit. He loves to game,but he loves retro games. Listen to music. Have a few drinks and maybe if he feels like it. Smoke a bit.

5. Panache: How confident is your f/o? What makes them feel confident- an outfit? A cologne/perfume? How do you like to make them feel confident and how do they like to boost your confidence?: he was born cool. Srry. Like hobie built up confidence. And he hates seeing me hard on myself. So he tries his best to help me build that up. Sometimes he'll say "just do it luv. Nobody does you like you. And what's sexier and more fucking radical than being yourself?" 💕 either that or he'll say "stop bein hard on yaself. Or do i have to get out that sunshine meself?" Then proceeds to tickle or tease me because he's like that. The cute bastard.

6. Luxe: What is your f/o's idea of luxury? If they had enough money, what would they spend it on?: "luxurious is fer the suits *belch*" honestly if he did. He'd give it all back to the community or help out at a shelter or something equivalent. Hardly would ever keep it for himself. Either that or put it to grassroot organizations to help spread awareness and help people.

7. Resonance: Describe your f/o's voice; if you don't have an audio reference, tell me what your f/o's voice sounds like to you. Feel free to break out the similies and metaphors!: from what i Heard a cockney accent and is heavy British. And unapologetically black. And im fucking here for it.

8. Bauble: Does your f/o like to collect anything? If not, do they own something that brings them immense joy and satisfaction- if so, tell us about it!: guitar picks. Bottle caps. Sometimes if he doesn't use them or they get too worn or break for some reason. He'll repurpose them into jewelry,art,or decorations.

9. Doughty: Tell us about a moment your f/o showed extreme bravery and determination in the face of something dangerous or just really challenging. What motivated them to be brave? How does your f/o encourage you to be brave?: again lore problem. But as for helping me sometimes he'll take me on patrol if he knows it's gonna be a chill night. But ONLY if it's a chill night. Not to say he won't let me help him on missons or anything. He can and would. But he wouldn't ever pressure me either. If i really feel like it. He will gear me up Properly.

10. Vociferous: What are some things your f/o is passionate about? Why are they passionate about these things? Do you share their passions? How likely are they to get into a debate over their passions?: ANTI ESTABLISHMENT. But fr tho. He's punk. Spiderpunk. He's acab. He's against corruption,fucked up authority/if any at all. But most of all. Music and self Expression. Of all kinds. Art. Music. Books. History. Real history. You name it.

1.Pop — What's the sweetest or nicest thing your f/o has done for you?: made me a dress. A whole dress. Made up of various materials. And maybe a stolen(ish) dress(it was gonna be throw away because it had one tiny tear in it) from some basic ass high priced store. Sewed it up. Added patchwork,studs,etc. And a matching leather jacket and denim purse. With pockets too. All made with love. But most of all he did it just because. Not wanting anything out of it. Tho....he did get a thank you kiss from me. 💋🥰

2. Rock — What's something you and your f/o are proud of each other for?: the fact despite the bullshit. We stand strong. And the fact i get along with other spooderpeeps.

3. Folk — What's something funny your f/o has done or said, or a moment that has made you laugh?: honestly it would probably be the most cheeky,corney thing but he'd make it sound so smooth. His sarcasm is legendary.

4. Punk — How do you and your f/o enjoy spending time together?: chillin,sometimes snuggle while listening to music. Sometimes with clothes,not all the time. But sometimes all you need is a big ol t shirt,some good ass pizza,a blunt,your honey,and a funny movie.

5. Jazz — What are some sweet or nice nicknames you and your f/o have for one another?: for me hobie calls me "sugarplum,honey,honeydew,luv,doe,doll(only when he's mad at me),peach,babe,baby,kittycat,kitten,catscratch,queen bitch(affectionate),ms.belle(when he's being sassy),kristabelle(when he's being super sweet),rosie(in songs mostly),lovey dovey(only if he's being seriously romantic),and beautiful" as for me i mostly call him "hobie(i like his name),hobs,spoodz,punki,bb,baby,honey,bae" that's pretty straightforward.

6. Indie — What makes you and your f/os bond so special/what is your favorite part of the bond you two share?: honestly our love of being free spirits and loving life no matter what. Also dreaming and trying to make the world a better place to live the best way we can with what we can to the best of our ability. Our love and passion for music and art. History and knowledge.

7. Rap — What do you and your f/o do together that makes y'all happy/excited?: honestly i do love the nights he can take me out swinging with him. It helped me get over my fear of heights.

8. Metal — Is your f/o more of the soft and sweet type, or goofy and outspoken type?: outspoken,unapologetic,sweet,rebellious,creatively driven,genuine and honest to a fault.

9. Musicals — What colors/sounds/scents remind you and your f/o of one another?: dark blue,deep red,dark purples,silver n gold and blacks,sounds of metal clinging,guitars and amp sounds,the smell of leather,canna,sandalwood and patchouli. And the sound of a motorcycle engine. The feel of patchwork and stitches.

10. Gaming tracks — What is a core memory or a memory you will never forget with your f/o?: our 2nd date. Sure first date was nice. But the 2nd date. Thats where it hit. Dancing and jamming out in an abandoned warehouse. I think it was near a dock? There was a recently thrown out mattress he found. We laid there for hours taking in the moment. Enjoying each others company. Like nothing else mattered. For a small short moment. He didn't have to worry. And neither did i. Those moments are brief,but worth it every time we can get it. There may or may not have been a make out sesh as well with the jamming sesh. But you know.

1.Vanilla- What's something you do with your f/o that makes you feel at peace?: honestly just vibing. We dont have to do much. Hell we can just do nothing. And yet i would love every moment.

2. Chocolate- How long have you known your f/o?: (new blorbo,new f/o. So I'm working on a backstory still)

3. Strawberry- What's a memory you two share that makes you smile no matter what?: honestly any and every moment. But those two above the dress n the 2nd date is the best. Oh and him moving into my loft flat/apartment.

4. Mint Chip- What's something that you disagree with your f/o on?: not much. Again hobie reminds me a bit of my IRL signficant other. My irl fiance. (My bby trey 🥺) so i kinda know the deal somewhat. Anything we disagree on may be a method we do things but we never hold that against each other nor stop each other. Im not his keeper. I'd feel the same probably with hobie too. So he's his own man,he can make his own decisions. As long as he's safe and touches base if he can. Im good. Reassurance is what i need. Hobie's got plenty

5. Cookie Dough- What's yours and your f/os' love languages?: honestly i feel like words of affirmation and physical touch is hobies. Gift giving only if its meaningful,useful,or from the heart or homemade. Quality time is something precious to either of us so we take what we can get. Acts of service are kinda automatic for both of us so it's a given. Im hella about acts of service and parallel play n vibing together.

6. Moose Tracks- What does a typical night in look like for you two?: well after a night patrol,he'll come into the loft. Usually thru the ceiling window or thru the side door 2nd exit near the pantry in the kitchen. But rarely he'll use the front door. If he does....some bad or really really good news is probably gonna be put down. He'll climb into bed and snuggle next to me. Sometimes he'll take off his spiderduds but sometimes not. Sometimes he'll straight up crash. Day patrols are done in shifts. And not always guaranteed to stay during any lunch dates we have. But thats the part of being a spiderpunks ol lady i guess. Lol. But the special nights,days,or moments. We'll take a whole day to ourselves. And if any other spidermen are in the area. He'll give them a heads up first. To take this one.

7. Cherry- Who does the cooking and who does the cleaning?: we both do. Aint no gender roles. Only cinnamon rolls.

8. Salted Caramel- How long did it take for you to realize you liked your f/o? Or vice versa, how long did it take them to say something if they spoke up first?: honestly i think we might hit it off good. Tho again i hc we didn't really really hit it off till the 2nd date. And by the 3rd date....well....yeah. it was obvious and official.

• Who makes the other blush all the time and who finds it adorable?: fucking hobie and his stupid cute face. *blush angy*  hobie: "awww what's the matt 'er belle? Did 'chu miss me that much?" *kiss kiss*  (nah but i feel he would be easy to tease me its not that hard to rile me up playfully)

• Who sings in the shower?:  honestly we both do be he blasts music in the shower. Sometimes we'll both sing.

• What would their song to each other be?: oooo thats a tough one. I might have to get back to you on that. I need to look at my music.

• Who embarrasses the other in public with kisses and pet names?: hobie. I do too but this man isn't phased....on the outside. Inside he's screaming and melting. Outside he's just smiling and egging me on and being a cutie nuisance and i love him sm for it.

• Who curses, and who reprimands the other for it?: neither, we encourage the fuck outta each other.

• What small quirks do they love about each other?: honestly he loves me as i am. All my quirks and my curves. The fact i gets spooked easy,my nose scrunches and even my cute pouty lip. The fact i stim with my hands,my hair,my squees when im excited. The fact my voice can go from growly deep bass to super light and cutesy. And my sass. Oh my sass.

• Who makes the other laugh more?: both of us.

• Who gets jealous easier?: neither. But if we do have those feels we talk about it. And are honest and sit with it. ONLY HEALTHY COMMUNICATION IN THIS HOUSE! It comes n it goes and we don't think nothing of it. We treat it healthy and let it be and not dwell on unnecessary shit.

• How did they know they were right for each other?: all i said was sevendust should have been more loved then they got and kurt Cobain was killed and was covered up and how the industry is a cold bitch. Also i was casually talking to miles about metal history of my fave bands and hobie came in and had eye wide and i swear you could hear his heart beat out his chest. Hobie chill its ok. 💀

• Who brings up the subject of kids first?: ok look we aint worried rn. But i did have that talk with him. But we don't want any rn. Mostly because you seen this economy?! Bro. I cant afford a mini me or a mini him. I can't do that irl. What makes you think fictional would be any better even in the most ideal. But maybe some day. But we aint broken up if we dont or cant.

• Who's adorable when they're sleepy, and who gets grumpy and irritable?: hobie: "dats you baby 😏💖"  me: "😒😤....🥺💕"

• Who's more protective?: both of us are but he's probably more so. Just a bit. Not smotheringly but just more aggressively. But in a respectful way?

• How do they express their feelings (Words, visual art, a song, etc.)?: music,art,etc.

• Where would they go on a 3am adventure?: to the nearest open food joint. But to get a bite,go to a rooftop. And sit me on his lap while he feeds me and talks about his day.

• Who has a hobby only the other knows about?: he knows about my plushie collection. He gets a bit annoyed sometimes but it makes me happy so he started making plushies for me and he surprises me with one every birthday.

• How do they hype each other up?: he screams "YOU GOT THIS BAAAABY! GO FUCKIN WRECK EM!" or something equivalent. But most of all he'll genuinely,and honestly gas me up. But expression in song and art is his fave way.

• Who picks flowers for the other?: we both do. Sometimes I'll make flower crowns. Hobie will wear them to rallies.

• Which one wears the "I'm with stupid" t-shirt?: hobie would but it would point to other spoodermen. Never his girl. I'd wear a goth clown shirt,band t, or a horror movie shirt more likely. Or some retro cartoon.

• Who's the better dancer?: i dunno. Maybe him but we thrash. Not dance.

• Who infodumps and who listens with heart eyes?: we both do. And it gets INTENSE

[ALARM JELLYFISH] ~ Has a time come when you and your F/O had to work with your enemies? If so, how did that go?: im not sure. We haven't encountered a situation with any roster as of yet personally. But as for life problems? Yeah. Ther eis no ethical consumption under capitalism. 😔. But as for a supervillain or some shit? Not yet. Hopefully we don't,but if we have to. I guess.

[BLOODYBELLY COMB JELLYFISH] ~ Are there any outfits of your F/O’s that you find… particularly strange?: not really. I think they are all cool.

[CRYSTAL JELLYFISH] ~ How does your F/O act in public? And in contrast, how do they act when they’re in private with you?: ok hobie doesn't hide shit from nobody. What ya see is what you get. Well....for the most part. The spooder identity kinda stays hidden but for good reason. But as for how he acts with me? Not really much difference. Outside of normal hero biz. He's same ol hobie 💖 tho he masks(i hc all spooders are neurodivernt. You can not convince me otherwise!)

[FRIED EGG JELLYFISH] ~ How does it go when you and your F/O try to cook together?: comforting af. I hc he cooks decent. He aint no five star chef or Gordon Ramsay. But he can cook a home meal. I know it sounds cliche but he does like fish n chips. But he makes it extra special for me as i like it extra crispy. I like to make breakfast for him. He does drink both coffee and tea but he likes black tea for mornings and oolong for nighttime to chill n vibe. Baking is a chaotic mess but worth it.

[GIANT PHANTOM JELLYFISH] ~ Do you and your F/O often flaunt your relationship, or do you tend to keep it hidden?: 50/50. People who know are close. People who aren't dont need to know. Simple.

[IMMORTAL JELLYFISH] ~ Do any deaths occur in your self-ship lore? Did you or your F/O have to save each other from death? Or is your lore free from risk?: again base lore not known yet. Gimme time. As for our relationship personally? Yeah plenty of times but that comes with the spooder. It's a feature.

[LION’S MANE JELLYFISH] ~ What is the height difference between you and your F/O?: he's canonly 6'3" . Im around 5'6ish. So yeah. HE TOL BEAN!

[MOON JELLYFISH] ~ If you had to compare your F/O to any sort of cosmic entity (planets, meteors/comets, stars, black holes, etc), what would you pick and why?: black hole sun,wont you come? Aaaannnd waash away the raaain. Oops sorry. I got carried away. Maybe a vlack hole,stars,and a distant nebula. Deep space.

[PINK COMB JELLYFISH] ~ How clingy would you say your F/O is?: not clingy. He's the right amount of cuddlebug and chill. He's extra cuddly tho when he has his down moments. But it's not always the most easy thing to deal with a sad hobie. Because he legit goes limp. You try picking up that tol bean of a spiderman to the bed or couch. Look i feel hobie gets hella numb,quiet and limp when sad,depresso,or just absolutely feels like shit. Like if he's feeling good,happy,or excited and pumped. He's hella expressive,smooth,open,and stims. Hands flapping,feet tapping,hugs hugs and more hugs,plays with his chain on his suit. Etc

[PINK MEANIE JELLYFISH] ~ Tell us all about why your F/O loves you! All about why you’re their special person!: hobie you should take this. Hobie: "kay luv. Ok the reason why i love er,is simple. I just do. I love her as she is mate. She's beautiful,clever,creative and a ball o' sunshine. She's got a lot of love in her heart and anyone who dares make little hen here cry. They'll answer to me." *cracks knuckles* . Thnx hobie. You're so sweet. ^-^ :3 <3. "Of course baby" *smooch*

[SEA WASP JELLYFISH] ~ If you’ve ever had moments where you felt invisible/insignificant, how has your F/O helped through them? How do you help your F/O through those moments?: yeah. He does help. But i feel everyone yells and is affectionately aggresive or uber supportive. Especially peter. Like good friend. Good man. Miles too.

[UPSIDE-DOWN JELLYFISH] ~ What’s your F/O’s favorite way to relax with you?: see above.

Adventurecore ~ If you could take your F/O anywhere in real life, where would you take them?: honestly a fucking metal concert. Because i honestly wanna go again. Fr. I haven't been to one in a long time now. I sad.

Barbiecore ~ Show us your favorite outfit that your F/O has worn!: tba

Bastardcore ~ Are there any “flaws” of your F/O that you find endearing?: honestly he's fucking flawless to me. But honestly im not sure of yet. Again new f/o.

Cabincore~ You and your F/O are enjoying a weekend in nature. How do you spend it?: picnic. Walking. Finding cool ass rocks to make stuff out of it.

Dazecore ~ What would you say is your F/O’s biggest passion (outside of you, of course )?: music and art. Making his own style n clothes. Standing up for whats right,the cause man. 100%

Expressionism ~ Describe to us exactly how your F/O makes you feel! Or, for a twist, describe how you make your F/O feel! Or do both!: i can't contain it in coherent words so keyboard smash. Afsjkflgllhlrofjgkhllhlhllslldlglgnsbbakslal. So yeah.

Femme Fatale ~ What, in your opinion, is your F/O’s greatest achievement?: again not sure yet. Lore,not found. Error.

Film Noir ~ Are there any questions about your F/O that you’d like to see their source answer?: tba

Groundcore ~ What would your F/O do if you became a worm?: put me in a garden and tend to the garden. Because he care. Call me wormybelle.

Hipness Purgatory ~ If your F/O drew you, how would it turn out?: i like to think abstract and epic. I love it. Look im an artist thru n thru. I love all forms (cept when its used for corporate greed n that bullshit. Because yeah)

Internet Academia ~ How did you discover your F/O or their source?: i was always a spiderman fan. (Namely venom and spidermans villain roster) but the more people talked about hobie. Im like omfg he's exactly my type.

Joyride ~ How would a road trip with your F/O, friends/associates, and you go?: chaotic,epic,fun af.

Kidcore ~ Tell us about the earliest memory you can remember with your F/O!: tba

Lo-Fi ~ Let’s say your F/O is up late working on something. How do you support them, or how do you get them to go to bed?: i have to drag him. I swear he does that on purpose.

Nintencore ~ Create a Pokémon team for your F/O!: i can't be bothered to remember all the pokemon names. So plz dont attack me :'3

Petcore ~ What animal reminds you of your F/O?: besides a spider. Maybe a cat or a snake. Like a ball python.

Red Academia ~ What’s your favorite fun-fact about your F/O?: tba

Sleepycore ~ What is it like going to bed with your F/O? How do they sleep?: comforting af. He'll wrap himself close around me. He's tol so he'll be engulfing me. He likes to have white noise to sleep. A fan or something equivalent. And honestly same.

• Queen - ‘39: If you could tell your F/O any one thing, across the barriers of reality and fiction, what would you tell them? Would it be advice, reassurance, or something else?: i love you,stay safe,and fucking acab. Im a simple woman.

• Oingo Boingo - Out of Control: If your F/O could tell you any one thing, what do you think they would want you to know?: that he's doing good. And i mean that in all the areas. Mental,physical,spiritual,emotional. All that. Other than that he tells me what he needs to tell me when he needs to.

• Talking Heads - This Must Be the Place (Naive Melody): What, in your opinion, is the most important or poignant thing you have learned from your F/O?: be yourself, everyone else is taken.

• Prince - Baby I’m a Star: What has your F/O’s effect on you in real life been? Have they changed you in any way, influenced your actions, behaviors, beliefs, or interests?: honestly since its a new f/o im not sure. But I've been shaped by similar characters and especially metal,punk,rock,and that kind of music because i breathed and ate that growing up. It still is in my veins n never let go of its raging claws and biting force. You either get it or you dont.

• Billy Joel - The Longest Time: What effect do you imagine you would have on your F/O? Do you think that you would influence how they think of things, their interests, or how they react to things? Do you think they would try different things because of you?: perhaps. But overall we can be comfortable with each other and around each other. Trust is hella important and very tight with us. I trust him with my life and he does the same. We both defend each other in public AND private.

• Whitesnake - Here I Go Again: Is there any particular activity or hobby you do in real life that always makes you think of your F/O, or that you like to imagine doing with them? Is this something you did before you met them, or is it something you picked up because of them?: again tba. But know.

• Daryl Hall & John Oates - Out of Touch: What conceptual or intangible things do you associate with your F/O? (eg., colors, music, scents, times, etc): see above

• Elton John - I’m Still Standing: What’s a song you enjoy (one that you didn’t pick up from them, if applicable) that you think your F/O would also like?: honestly my whole ass metal playlists i have he would be down. Hell i have some hidden playlists because i am a chaotic disorganized mess of a rat. (Adhd unfortunately) i come across random songs n artists in my recommendations on YouTube and the like. And if i like it I'll save it (maybe forget later but ya know)

• David Bowie - Let’s Dance: Are there any songs you’ve picked up from your F/O or their media, or because they remind you of them?: tba

• Prince - Take Me With You: What’s your ideal hangout with them? Is it something low-key, like hanging out at home and watching a movie, or is it more ambitious, like a road trip to a certain place?: many places. Besides at home. The rooftop of the pubs,pizza place,a warehouse near a dock,on top of ol big ben,and our loft apartment/flat rooftop mostly. Sometimes a café that's nearby.

• The Cars - Just What I Needed - Is there something tangible that you own that makes you think of your F/O, like clothing, or a tool? Did you buy it because of them, or come to associate it with them? Why does it make you think of them?: tba

• The Cure - Lullaby: What do you think your F/O is afraid of? How would you help them deal with that?: im not sure. I dunno what canonly he is scared of. So im not sure. tba?

I Forgot That You Existed: How does your f/o handle being wronged? Do they hold grudges or are they the type who lets everything roll off their back?: it depends on who and what they did. Most of the time he's got tact and is smart about it. But sometimes people need a punch in the mouth. So im not responsible for that.

Cruel Summer: Was there anything that stopped you from shipping with your f/o at first or was it love at first sight? Are things more complicated than they appear?: nobody's gonna stop me. No damn fans are gonna make me from loving this beautiful spooder of a man. Idgaf. Like a part of me does get worried but mostly ar racist ass bigots but then again their "opinions" dont matter.

Lover: What is your favorite part of the life you’ve built with your f/o?: i guess the fact we have a place of refuge in this complicated world of multiverse bullshit.

The Man: What strengthens your f/o in your opinion? What do they believe strengthens you?: freedom to just be. And hobie believes that hope and love like genuine, unconditional and with nothing to hide or control. That type of love. That pure love in the rawest form. Love just because and because it pisses people off. He finds that very attractive and a very good trait to have.

The Archer: Has you f/o had a positive or negative relationship with love in the past and how has that affected their relationship with you?:im not sure. I dont think so again lore not known.

I Think He Knows: List all of the things about your f/o that make you fall in love with them a little more each time!: again new f/o but omfg this man. This spiderman is a cutie.

Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince: If you and your f/o ran away together, where would you go?: i dunno. Wherever we are is home.

Paper Rings: Would you and your f/o ever consider getting married?: yes. Most definitely. But it is what it is rn.

Cornelia Street: Do you and your f/o live together? If so, what is your domestic life like? If not, what would it be like if you moved in together?: in my hc. Yes. We share an a loft apartment/flat.

Death By A Thousand Cuts: How do you and your f/o handle bad times/how are you there for each other when life gets rough?: we have healthy communication. And sometimes we do need time to cool off. But we tell each other with honesty. Sometimes it gets rough. Sometimes it gets heated. But it NEVER stays that way. But we are honest are true about ourselves to each other and are very transparent. And we can ve vulnerable around each other.

London Boy: Do you and your f/o travel? if you both could live somewhere besides where you’re from, where would you like to live?: sometimes we do. But it's rare. Hobie has responsibilities. Irregardless of his rebellious nature.

Soon You’ll Get Better: How do you and your f/o take care of each other when one of you is sick?: soup,medicine,rest,good vibing music and lots of funny videos and shows. He doesn't care if he gets sick he hates seeing me not feelin myself.

False God: Do you think of you and your f/o as soulmates? Why or why not?: im not sure. I wanna say yes. But again life is a weird mess. All i know is he's perfect enough for me.

You Need To Calm Down: Do you have any lgbt+ headcanons for your f/o?: not sure yet. But he's a fucking ally at least you twatwaffles!! He's spiderpunk ffs. Perhaps enby of some sort? Not sure i dont really do those hcs out of personal principles to leave it open to interpretation n  respect.

Afterglow: Do you and your f/o fight often? How do you and your f/o apologize to each other? Who apologizes first?: not often. But it does happen it aint all candies n roses. But we talk it out,aak how do we do better next time. And if its really emotional,and we really need a release. We fuck. Plain n simple. I aint gonna sugarcoat it.

ME!: What do you love the most about your f/o? What do they love the most about you?: see above.

It’s Nice To Have A Friend: Were you and your f/o friends before you became lovers?: I'd like to think maybe we became friends as we became lovers too. Because you sometimes do find a best friend in your lover. Then again im bias because that's how me and my irl s/o is. So yeah.

Daylight: How has your relationship with your f/o changed your opinion of love? How has their relationship with you changed their opinion of love?: i think of it as we both strengthen and soften each other in the areas we need.

• When you first met, what were your first impressions of each other? Did they start off positive right away or were they negative? Did your impression of each other change over time? If so, what made them change?: my opinion how i feel now is he's dope af. And i don't think that will change any time soon.

• What compelled you both to keep on seeing each other? Was there already an immediate spark between you two or were there other circumstances they forced you to be together?: gwen n miles gave me courage to ask him out. Hobie just said " ha! Knew it •3~" needless to say i was a thousand shades red.

• Who confessed first? What drove them to do it? Did you immediately become a couple after that or did it take some time before you both became one officially?: me. And we went out on a few dates before he and i called it official.

• What was it like when you started dating? Was there a lot of awkward tension? Did it take some time for you to both adjust? Or did it start out rather smoothly?: awkward but cute.

• Who cares about the first date really. What was the second date like? Who was the one that planned it or did you both plan it together? If you went somewhere specific for it, why that location? And if you did a specific activity on the date, why that?: first date was a cafe,dinner then a pub. 2nd date was jamming out at the abandoned warehouse. And the 3rd date was a concert. And lets say sparks flew. Both metaphorically and literally.

• What was the worst date you’ve had? What made it the worst? When did you both realize that it was bad? Did you do anything to try to make up for it and/or fix it?: well there were a few where some bitch ass dude tried to mug some poor old lady right in front on my salad. He didn't get far. No hobie didn't do anything. I did. I hate my lunch being interrupted. Hobie i swear had heart eyes but i was too busy trying to enjoy my lunch and was too pissed at the audacity of people. The old lady was ok btw.

• Are there any interests that you don’t share with each other? If yes, what are they and why can’t they seem to get into it? Does this cause any problems for either of you?: not really. I mean i hc he smokes 🍃 but i dont really. But idc if he do.

• Is there any interests you two bond over having? Or are there any interests either of you now enjoy because of the other introducing it to them?: he and i sing together. I sometimes join in on a beat and riff. But i love listening more.

• Are they any secrets you’re keeping from each other? What are they and why do they desperately want to keep it? Is there any scenario where the other would confess to those secrets?: im not sure we're pretty open n honest. Its the world that dont know. And we gonna keep it that way.

• What are some things you associate with each other? Why those things? Are some of them just random or are they very significant things to that person?: again see above.

• What do you both think of marriage if you aren’t married? Would you ever want to get married? If no, is there any specific reason or is it just something you’re disinterested in?: see above.

• If you’re already married, did anything change between your relationship after marriage? What exactly changed? Or did it pretty much stay the same?: tba.

• What’s something really embarrassing that happened between you? Has it become a funny story you tell to friends now or is it a deep secret you’re both taking to the grave?: again new f/o haven't gotten that far yet. Tba

• When was the first time either of you cried in front of each other? Is crying in front of the other something common for either of you?: we don't hide out feels bro. Thats not punk,metal or cash money of you if you dont cry in front of your bae. Im sorry. You gotta let that pride go man. You got feels too.

• Have you met each others’ friends and families? How did things go? Do you all get along pretty well or just tolerate each other? Or are any of you on bad terms for any reason? If you haven’t met them though, is there any reason why?: tba

• Are there any mannerisms you picked up from each other? If so, what are they? How do you both react to it? How did friends react to it?: honestly i got more observant. I mean i was already. But even more so. And better at patching up wounds. And making my own clothes. ^-^

• Are there any unresolved problems or arguments between the two of you? Any reason why you haven’t been able to resolve them?: not of the moment.

• Who’s the first one to apologize? Are they apologizing first genuinely out of guilt or is there an alternative motive? If one of you struggles to be the first one to apologize, why? Is there any specific reason behind it?: me. I dont like staying angry. I really dont. I do feel sometimes guilt but hobie straightened my ass out for that. To be honest with my emotions and not beholden to them. And he hates seeing me upset. So no going to bed angy for us.

• What’s that one funny story that happened during your relationship that never fails making either of you laugh? What makes it so funny to both of you?: besides the mugging old lady. He once accidentally turned the amp to high while practicing. And farted accidentally. And the mic on the ground nearby picked it up. Sounded throughout the whole apartment/flat. I was in tears. He was red af. Yelling n cursing at me. Hobie: "OI! IT WAS ONE TIME LUV! ONE TIME!"

• What are each of your dreams and goals for the future? Any specific aspirations they have? Do either of your dreams conflict with each other or are they able to coexist?: tba

[lal19-blog]

Becoming a sommelier in NYC is extremely stressful anymore. All the restaurants we aspiring somms once killed to work for are understaffed and abnormally high turnover and it’s creating a new toxicity. Plus there’s the problem of New York patrons tipping less than 15%. I understand America is out of date with this custom but that doesn’t mean u get to short ur service staff.

More to come but NYC hospitality post Covid isn’t having a moment at all

[eponymous-rose]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E123 (Feb. 2, 2021)

After last week’s thoroughly relaxing and brief episode, tonight’s guests are Sam Riegel and Liam O’Brien!

Brian, to Sam: “You look like Tim Curry moved to Nantucket to become a sommelier.”

How did Caleb and Veth approach the ally-ship with the Tombtakers? Sam: “I mean, we got some information, and I think we got a little closer to Lucien and knowing whether he has any of Mollymauk inside of him, which is I think the most important knowledge that we’re seeking right now. Is there someone to be saved inside there? We got glimpses, and we got a little hint that Mollymauk is maybe still in there? Maybe? And we got a little more insight into their plans, so that was useful.” Liam: “We know why we were having that fucking dream.” Sam: “But other than that, it was just a road trip with assholes.” Liam: “All our plans have been ripped in a new direction, and it’s just been improvisation.” Sam notes that it feels like we’re always about to rip into Caleb’s backstory, but haven’t yet followed that thread all the way through. Liam: “It’s partially frustrating, to be sure, but also I like the idea that-- his whole shit has been selfish, it’s been dealing with the trauma that he’s been through and not the greater world, and that’s been shifting somewhat.”

Does Caleb think the book was worth it, and is he still interested in reading more? Sam: “How do you ask Caleb not to read a book?” Liam: “Caleb has spent enough time with the Nein to know you shouldn’t put a hand on a hot stove. After what happened with the book, he knows it’s a terrible idea. But maybe. But it’s a really bad idea. But reserve judgment, but it’s a really terrible idea. I think that Caleb is very aware that mages and people like him very easily fall prey to their curiosity and it can lead to bad places. But there is still that amount of scientific endeavor where you think there is value in knowing and learning, and maybe we can ride that line. He was True Neutral at the start of the campaign, and maybe he’s Chaotic Good now, but part of him is hubris, even if it’s a little bit, still.”

What about Otis has drawn Veth’s focus? Sam: “I mean, he’s a little shit. She was curious about Otis because he’s a small like she is, and in talking to him, he seemed to be real creepy, but he was just creepy and distant and didn’t value his past or family or anything like that. She sees someone who’s like her, but so not like her, and maybe that scares her a little bit more.”

How does Caleb feel about Beau being on this ride with him? Liam: “The dream is another example of how Caleb had very narrow vision of the things he wanted to do. It used to seem so massive to him, but now... To have Beauregard involved feels right. If anyone in the group is going to stop him from grabbing something he shouldn’t, it is probably Beauregard. She’ll punch him in the fucking face to stop him, which I think he needs, to a certain extent. They’re two different kinds of nerds, and I kind of like that, that this group of nine philosophers, they’ve reached out and somehow grabbed the two nerds in the party.”

How do Caleb and Veth see the Somnovum? Sam: “I mean, they seem real bad. Anything that’s a quorum of powerful entities heading towards your planet to unleash an energy of any kind, typically bad? I assume they’re bad, or at least the Tombtakers wish them to do ill.” Liam: “I think they want the kind of peace that comes from snapping your fingers and turning people to dust. Caleb sees them as a cautionary tale; they’re the worst-case scenario for arcane inquisitiveness.” He sees Allura Vysoren as the antidote to that.

Why the staunch refusal to use Halfling Luck? Sam: “I don’t like Luck! I just don’t like Luck. I think it’s cheap, I think it’s a cheat, I think it’s stupid. It just feels like a do-over.” Liam: “I am your antithesis! If I ever voice a halfling, I am going to hammer that feature!” Sam: “What I love about D&D is that you don’t know what’s going to happen. If you roll bad, okay, that’s it. If you roll well, it makes the success more enjoyable to know that it’s a pure success and don’t one where you’re like well actually... it’s so stupid. If someone was about to die, I would probably use the fuckin’ Luck feature. Well. It depends who. If it was Travis, yeah, no, he’s fucked, sorry.”

Liam drops that he’s picked Sam’s character class and race again for a hypothetical campaign three. Sam: “It’s not what I was thinking for future characters, but I’m excited to explore.”

Cosplay of the Week: an amazing Mollymauk by KatofValkyrie!

What was it like to bring the Tombtakers into the tower? Liam: “It is complicated, because he does not like him. Lucien’s just a fucking dick. But Caleb also knows that Molly’s in there somewhere. That tower’s only for the M9, and Lucien’s not in the M9. Their situation with these people is shitty, it’s terrible. Caleb doesn’t feel like they have the upper hand. He doesn’t like that they’re even going on this journey per se, because life is bigger than his bullshit. He feels like they’ve been losing over and over again, so it was a gamble to try to get on equal footing.

What spurred Veth into making sure she and Yasha have some one-on-one time? Sam: “Yasha hasn’t been getting a lot of moments to shine. Now that she’s back, I just got the impression that Yasha feels out of place sometimes, or timid, or unsure of herself. When Veth was Nott, Nott certainly had her share of those moments. I think she sees a kindred spirit and wants to make sure that she’s been giving all the opportunity she can to flourish and thrive. Dani, you’re just laughing at my mustache, aren’t you?” Dani: “Yes, that’s the only thing I’m laughing at through this whole bullshit.” Sam denies all knowledge of trolling, but eventually admits, on the topic of Yasha and Beau getting together: “They’ve made me wait this long... I’m going to make them wait a little bit longer!”

What was it like to show his friends the upper floors? Liam: “I kinda expected somebody to sneak up there before that. That being part of the tower is not even a conscious choice of his, it just is. The reason Caduceus has creeped Caleb out for a long time is because he talks about how-- Caduceus is a really kind person and wants Caleb to let go of the past. And in a really simplistic way, turn that frown upside-down. And that’s just not who Caleb is, and it’s not who everybody is. There is something to be said for trying to stay open and positivity, but thinking you can shut out the past, especially a traumatic one, is just not true. When things happen to us, we carry them. But to candy-coat it and say, ah, I’m free, or everything is good, or I’ve turned the corner... life is way messier than that. It’s not flipping a switch, it’s not bad-to-good, it is such a work in progress. Even when you make strides and start to get to a better place, you can backslide a lot. So the tower is who he is, and the tower is 7/9ths love for his friends, and 1/9th hope, but there’s still a percentage of him that carries everything from the past, and knows that he should, and knows that he should not go back to where he was. And the way to do that is not to say everything is rainbows, but to remember it. The tower is just like an extension of who he is. He’s never going to forget the past, and he’s never going to be like, I’m good, or I’ve turned a corner. He should remember the past, and he should do better, always.”

Does Veth still believe it’s possible to get Molly back? Sam: “Well, she was a person trapped in another body for many years, so has some experience there, and definitely believes that the spirit and soul of Molly is in there and just needs to be unlocked somehow.”

Fan Art of the Week: an amazing group shot by HarpySN!

How are Caleb and Veth dealing with their guilt and fear about being in the middle of this? Sam: “It definitely was a deep conversation that might have repercussions going forward. The problem with all of what we’re doing now is that we don’t have time to deal with our petty problems anymore. It’s all high tension all the time!” Liam: “It’s true; they’re not in control of their situation at all anymore.” Sam: “It’s good to have these check-ins, but it’s not like we can do anything about them. We’re reactive right now.” Liam: “He’s not happy with where they are, but they wouldn’t even be this far if the goblin hadn’t pulled him out of the mud. So part of it is, you saved me from where I was and got me on my feet again, and now it’s disconcerting to see it all just get knocked sideways by something he never could’ve predicted. I think Caleb felt nostalgic for when things were simpler, in a way, for them, when we’re both troubled drifters.”

What was it like to see Gelidon’s return? Liam: “I am the least superstitious person at the table. Ashley’s dice suck.” Sam: “It was fun fighting a dragon!” Liam: “Two massive battles in one episode, neither of which came away with a victory. I guess surviving is a victory.” Sam: “I’d forgotten about the dragon, honestly.” Liam: “I loved it. I was so upset at the idea that we were going to stealth and not get into it.”Sam: “Mercer doesn’t keep a live dragon around and not do something with it. That dragon’s coming back.”

How do Caleb and Veth feel about going to see Essek? Sam: “He can be very helpful, I believe, but as Sam Riegel, a player of D&D, I’m super suspicious. What the fuck is Essek doing up there, so close, now? I don’t trust him as far as I can throw him. And I can throw him pretty far because he floats.” Liam: “I 100% agree with you. I do not understand what Essek could bring to what we are going through. I know the audience loves him, I love him too. He’s a really cool character. But he’s fucking toxic. He out of curiosity caused a war between two nations. And Caleb has been changed for the good by the M9 from months of travel with them. Essek has had none of that. Caleb has changed for the good, but not because of people like Essek. Essek is where Caleb came from. We kept the lid on the pot during the whole treaty at sea and it almost all went fucking sideways, and only because we pressed him into a corner. I hope that guy finds some sort of balance and peace for himself, but I do not see how his input here would be helpful. There’s other heavy hitters that I would try to pull in.”

Liam notes that the Cloven Crystal is in the Bag of Holding. Sam: “Do I have Fluffernutter, or is Fluffernutter gone?” Liam: “Nope. 300 pounds of fireworks? Gone. A dead mage, a threshold crest, and fireworks.” Dani: “Your basic essentials.”

[burning-sol]

I don't think I was ever on the pistolwhip train as much as everyone else, though I stood by their beliefs, but anyways I think I sort of ship pistolwhip but not in a very conventional way. That being I'm a multishipper so nothing is ever not complicated and I always have deep thoughts and characters are like little dolls to play with.

I think they can be really fucked up together and I like them being fucked up. There are so many complicated things about the dynamic now and everyone else is sort of already going into that in the notes but yeah, toxic yuri sums it up greatly. I feel like someone else can chip in about that but I am a like sommelier of ships twitter would hate and I'll be damned if I don't enjoy a girl who's fallen in with not only a percieved potential murderer of her sister, but also the datee of her sister, like of course Jay would have such bad luck, it's so tragic; and a girl who has only known Jay through word of mouth alone but is horrified to discover the face of her former lover all over again and to feel like she's at risk of falling all over again, and trying to let go while feeling presented with this fucked up vessel for all her want to deny Ayva is dead at all. Like you get me. They don't even have to kiss, i just want them to be in a room together and have bad vibes.

But also, HISTORICALLY I would definitely say I'm a pistolwhip shipper. That being, I ship the former iteration of Jay and Lizzie before frigatebird entered the equation. I think all the fanart and writing from before episode 101 is still super valid and I enjoy it separately from the current shipping situation. I don't believe that current art has to spoil the older art, and that the older art has to spoil the current art. It's very weird, but it's like its own little pistolwhip bubble to me. Like I rember, I rember pistolwhip nation.. That's probably a very strange thing to describe but lately I've been thinking about this a lot actually and that's the best way I could explain it.

o7 it's fucking weird and complicated

just because i'm curious

*pistolwhip is the ship name for captain lizzie x jay

[young-dumb-and-vaccinated]

The Sommelier (Hannigram x Female!Reader) pt. 12

We’re finally getting into the polyamory stuff I promised!!

Hannibal reads into Will’s whirlwind relationship with y/n and finds a way to insert himself into it. Will sees some patterns in his relationships. 

Trigger warnings: emotional and mental manipulation, discussion of toxic codependent relationships

"Your relationship with Miss [L/N] is a physical manifestation of your compulsory need to protect someone." Hannibal explained. "You've learned that you're capable of violence. Using it to protect someone allows you to hold on to your veneer of morality as defined by society."

"How do I keep ending up here?" Will leaned on the desk, knowing full well that the answer was because he wanted to.

"I like to think it's because my voice has replaced your conscience." Hannibal smirked, sitting in one of the black den chairs. "There must be some part of you that knows you're taking advantage of Miss [L/N], right?"

Will tightened his lips and sat in the chair across from Hannibal. "I'm not that deep in denial. I know it's opportunistic to keep her around when she has nowhere else to go."

"And you know she is only attached to you because she feels indebted to you." Hannibal leaned forward and rested his arms on his knees. "Do you intend to keep her forever indebted to you so she can never leave?"

Will crossed his arms. "I don't know what you're accusing me of."

"Your girlfriend is quite loose-lipped." Hannibal claimed. "Aside from in the literal sense, it seems."

"So she told you about this morning, huh?" Will frowned. "And I'm sure you had nothing to do with that. So I couldn't let her go down on me and not return the favor. I'm a strong proponent of gender equality."

Hannibal licked his lips. This new image was particularly scrumptious as it formulated in his head. "I noticed the way you looked when you learned she and I had met."

"And what way is that, Doctor Lecter?" Will sneered.

"Jealous," Hannibal put up a finger to denote an incomplete thought. "But of whom, I couldn't place. Tell me, Will. Were you jealous of me, or of her?"

"I'd rather not." Will refused. "I'm not interested in fighting over a woman with you."

"Nor am I." Hannibal smiled. "But you must know that what you have going on with Miss [L/N] isn't sustainable. Not on your own."

"What are you planning?" Will furrowed his brow.

"The young woman confided in me a lifetime ago," Hannibal began. "That she wishes to be shared. For her own protection."

"That doesn't sound like regular dinner conversation." Will said, skeptically.

"Like I said," Hannibal turned around. "Is it really so hard to believe that she talks?"

"Here I thought bartenders were sworn to secrecy." Will rolled his eyes, refusing to process the information presented.

"I think it would be best for her." Hannibal said. "And you. You both need someone to watch over you."

Will glared at him. "I thought you were critical of Freud. Seems like now you're proving his point."

"It's written in the laws of nature." Hannibal rationalized. "Hydrogen is the most abundant chemical in the known universe. But one hydrogen atom is unstable without another. And even then, it's dangerously combustible. But, when met with an oxygen atom-"

"You drown." Will folded his arms. "See, I can play that game too."

“You know that this relationship with [F/N] is doomed to fail.” Hannibal said, gravely. “But you still deflect and drag your feet. When presented with a solution that would keep her in your life, you reject it. Why are you so self-destructive?” 

“Frankly, I don’t believe you have either of our best interests at heart.” Will admitted. “You’re putting up a front of psychological expertise so you can watch [F/N] and I dance on your strings.” 

Hannibal positioned himself behind Will’s chair. “So it’s okay when you manipulate somebody, but when I do it, I’m a monster, is that right?” 

“I’m not manipulating her.” Will protested. 

“Tell me, Will.” Hannibal placed a hand on his shoulder. “Did you take her in for her wellbeing, or yours?” 

Will said nothing. 

“I see.” Hannibal nodded. “Her safety was a happy byproduct of your need to be good.” 

“I see you’ve got me pegged.” Will put up his hands in surrender. 

“Really?” Hannibal smirked. “I thought that was Miss [L/N]’s department.” 

Will shifted in his seat. “Let’s not pretend that you’re just an impartial bystander in all this.” 

Hannibal looked admiringly at Will’s profile. “I never claimed to be.” 

“You want to have your cake and eat it.” Will said. 

“I like all kinds of pastries.” Hannibal answered. “Is it so much to ask that I get to eat what I make?” 

“Were you at the restaurant that night?” Will narrowed his eyes. “You were, weren’t you?” 

“I believe you know the answer to that.” Hannibal nodded. “And I also believe that you weren’t there entirely for Miss [L/N], either.” 

Will began to catch on. “Because you were the one to suggest she was in danger, yeah, I got it.” 

Hannibal looked proud of himself. “Like I said, my voice has replaced your conscience. And you like it that way.” 

"As if our relationship wasn't toxic enough," Will smiled uncomfortably at the ground. "You think adding a murder survivor to the mix would balance it out."

"So what we have is a relationship now?" Hannibal ran his hand through Will's hair.

"I wouldn't even call it a fling." Will groaned. "I'd call it a mistake that I have yet to learn from."

Hannibal brought his lips to his ear. "Let's hope you never do."

[toxicanonymity]

For Night Walks!Joel, what if she’s lying out in a tiny bikini sunbathing and Joel sneaks on top of her and fucks her in the prone bone position. It’s a busy Summer day, the neighbors are out and could easily look over the fence, but he’s so deep and the exhibition turns her on so fucking much that she squirts all over his cock. She’s so wet and cockdrunk, she’s starts calling him Daddy. Joel can’t get enough so he turns her over and fucks her in the mating press until she squirting over and over, he fills her up and fucks his cum back in her pussy.

PRONE BONE ANON, I love this. Did most of it in something different with night walks energy where it's the first time you fuck him. Will post this weekend.

Sky's out, thighs out

[luasworkshop]

Random Headcanon:

There is a large, fat, weird, black cat with gold eyes that lives on Valerius' estate.

He swears it's the cook's cat. The cook swears it's the maid's. The maid swears it's the sommelier's. The sommelier swears its the footman's... and on and on. Despite this he is extremely spoiled and well cared for. He's useless about mice but very good at being underfoot (especially at the worst possible time).

This animal is... definitely a cat (even if he's built more like a bear cub or a labrador puppy) but desperately weird. He:

- Still has a relatively short stiff tail like a kitten despite being an adult cat. He sticks it out sideways when upset instead of lashing it.

- Has weirdly nimble little toes, and will hold things with his paw (such as your nose if he's in your face.)

- Struggles to make any noise at all - he will runch his whole big, fat body up to make a sound but produce only the tiniest 'peep' imaginable (unless he's completely distressed at which point he just... screams atonally).

- Likes to chew on dowels or any kind of thin wood pieces... to the point where all low-lying delicate furniture legs have to be repaired regularly... unvarnished (specifies Valerius himself... he says it's something about developing patinas... not at all to do with something toxic to the cat.)

- Tends to get stuck in things he'll fit through but refuse to go backward or forward through once in the middle (at which point he'll stick all his legs out like a horrid little caltrop and scream until rescued.)

- Likes to move sideways and upside down down the stairs. Especially while he...

- ...runs at people's legs at top speed (referred to as 'bowling for humans.')

- Hangs out in the kitchens and licks the floor.

- Likes to have bubbly water gently poured over him (Valerius has decided he may have this once a day at 7PM or he'll just beg for it all day. It has to be bubbly. Yes there's a whole ritual. It's very important.)

This animal is not Valerius' 'familiar' by any stretch (that's... another post) and while Valerius kvetches about absolutely everything he does... he would, deep down, be terribly upset if something were to happen to him (it's his cat, really... but don't tell him that - they're a pair - difficult & difficulter.)

His name is technically something long and pompous but everyone calls him 'Buttcheek' (affectionate... mostly).

[deathandmushrooms]

It's been raining for forever and will rain for the foreseeable future. Great for future-mushroomer me, but it's driving present-me batty. So, here's...

Some non-exhaustive-but-potentially-exhausting maybe-helpful mushroom-foraging guidelines for the curious-but-anxious beginner...

We can assure our readers, whom we wish to preserve, that there are only two facts to bear in mind when selecting fungi:

ALL FUNGI ARE EDIBLE.

SOME FUNGI ARE NOT EDIBLE MORE THAN ONCE.

- Discworld Almanak by Terry Pratchett

Below, you'll find:

Finding and Identifying mushrooms

Foraging mushrooms

Eating mushrooms

Finding and Identifying Mushrooms

Don't eat anything unless you're so confident with it you would feed it to you favorite writer currently working on the dramatic final installment of whatever you're most excited about. Ask yourself: would I feed this to renowned author and local Tumblr treasure @neil-gaiman? No? Then spit it out, Jeremy.

Mushrooms aren't scary. The more knowledgeable you become, and the humbler you remain, the more confident you'll be. Find people who know mushrooms, and preferably not just on The Internet. Get a guidebook or 3 (ideally local) and learn relevant terminology and identifying features (e.g. different kinds of pore surface: gills, tubes, etc). Find a lot of mushrooms and take them home to ID.

But before you do, take many pics in situ if you can. Environment and ecology can be key to a positive ID. Harvesting mushrooms you don't plan on eating is a great way to practice learning relevant terminology and building up a sommelier-esque mushroom vocabulary. "Ah yes, this coral fungus smells woody, with hints of moss....and a soupçon of string cheese."

Research, forage, and cook with intention. When hunting for a mushroom, learn all its look-alikes, especially toxic ones. Don't just note what the mushroom looks like, but where it's growing, how it's growing, amongst whom it's growing, whom it has beef with. Is it growing saprotrophically off a dead log (I.e. Breaking down dead material)? That's probably not a chanterelle, but it might be a jack-o-lantern and supposedly they're slightly bioluminescent so you should probably take it home, bring it to some dark corner, see if the gills really glow and then not eat it regardless.

Mushroom identifying apps are a good way to get some ID possibilities to research more thoroughly, but do not rely on them alone.

Set yourself up for success by starting off with mushrooms with no toxic look-alikes, or those with a few key features that clearly distinguish them from their toxic look-alike (morels, chicken or the woods, lion's mane, etc). Research mushrooms in your area, pick a few (seasonally appropriate) varieties to keep an eye out for. The fewer varieties you focus on, the less likely you are to get your wires crossed. And...

... learn their ecology and save yourself a lot of heartache looking for mushrooms in places they could never grow. Do they grow mycorrhizally with a certain type of tree? That is, do they form a symbiotic relationship with certain trees? Or do they grow saprotrophically, breaking down dead wood. Do they prefer certain environments? For example, I started off with black trumpets. They have no toxic look-alikes, and they are usually growing mycorrhizally with oak in mossy areas. I look at my feet for moss and acorns and then I know my chances are fair, weather permitting.

Foraging mushrooms

Get a knife, maybe a brush, and a breathable container (e.g. Basket, canvas tote) where your mushrooms won't get crushed. It's amazing how fast a plastic bag can speed up rotting. Also...maybe look up local knife laws.

Clean as much as you can in the field. Trim off the dirtiest part of the stem, check for debris.

Before you're confident with field identification, store different species and mushrooms from different patches in different containers. I take a canvas backpack with me with paper lunchbags that I label with a number. When I take pictures of the mushroom and it's environment, I also take a picture of the bag I'm putting them in. Because I am anal.

Just because a mushroom is a member of an edible species, doesn't mean that particular mushroom is good for eating. Mushrooms can get infested with bugs, or mold, or succumb to the ravages of time that come for us all. Give it a sniff, and if it smells off, it is. Check for bugs; especially with boletes. Scrape away the tubes to check (but only after you've gotten a confident ID; after you do this you can't take a spore print). For example, here are some pictures of some black trumpets which are choice edibles.

The ones on the left are good, but the ones on the right are no good. With black trumpets, I'll smell a bad one before I even see it. It's important to learn how a mushroom's appearance changes over its life cycle, or how weather conditions might change the appearance.

The "real" organism, so to speak, is the mycelium. The mushrooms are the fruiting bodies. So, make note of nice patches of your favorites. Depending on the type of mushrooms, it might fruit several times over a season. I take a screen cap of where I am on Google maps and save it alongside pictures of the mushrooms and selfies of me doing my excited mushroom face. Some mushrooms, like chanterelles, are slow growers. But others might only need a few days after a good rain to pop up.

Eating mushrooms

Don't eat multiple foraged mushrooms in one meal. Wait 1-2 days between varieties. Poison Control has a hard enough job as it is without you complicating things unnecessarily.

Thoroughly cook all mushrooms. Safety aside, that's just good culinary sense. Gotta caramelize those natural sugars, dontcha know. Maillard reaction and all that.

Even if a mushroom isn't "toxic," you might learn something new and upsetting about yourself when you eat it, like an obscure food sensitivity you inherited from that ancestor you never knew you had but now get to secretly resent. So, when eating a new mushroom COOK AND EAT A SMALL PIECE AND WAIT 24 HOURS. Wait for what? Hopefully nothing. But if you start getting stomach cramps, itching in weird places, or visual hallucinations, you may want to toss those mushrooms back into the wild. TBF to mushrooms, this is true of all food. I've yet to experience this with mushrooms, but I have had this experience with fruit! Did that stop me from eating fruit? No: my survival instincts aren't great. My ancestors were very lucky.

Different mushrooms can be stored different ways for the long term: drying, freezing, etc. But in the short term, a paper bag in the fridge is ideal.

When in doubt, butter or olive oil and a little sea salt. Also, cream and thyme are lovely with most mushrooms. Very thin mushrooms (e.g. Craterellus) barely need any time on the heat at all before they're done or past done, i.e. shrivelled up into a small non descript mass in the pan with all the texture of sad dirt jam.

Or just fry them in pancetta. You do you.

Most importantly: do your own research and a lot of it.

Foraging for mushrooms is hugely rewarding, and learning is a process: in this case, a very enjoyable one.

I mean... unless you poison yourself.

But still,

[rolanberry-rebel]

🍹 - Does your OC drink? If so, what’s their drink of choice? For Lissa, Mari and Kjalla

Lissa is a wine drinker, through and through. (Perhaps not a surprise, coming from a winemaking family...) She prefers berry wines (again, hardly surprising), but grape wines are good, too. The high-society part of her blood has ingrained in her an appreciation for very fancy and expensive aged wines, and she can be a bit of a snobbish sommelier when she goes out to dinner with friends. If she's looking just for a bit of a buzz to have fun when she's out, though, anything goes, and she's gulped down her fair share of cheap swill.

To Kjalla drinking is an art form, and her chosen line weight is heavy. She drinks mostly things that would cause people like Lissa to vomit, and that's all part of the appeal. Voidsent Vomit is a personal favorite of hers, a hard-liquor concoction that's a bit of a taste of home, as its main ingredient is a pungent, practically toxic spirit distilled from the starchy fermented root of a special type of Golmore malboro. She also enjoys a nearly grain alcohol-level rice wine she buys from the vendors who pass by her jetty in Hingashi, which she affectionately calls Motor Oil.

Mari is a casual drinker, mostly on account of her seeing the value it has as a social solvent. A woman who needs to be on her toes every minute of the day rarely has time for enjoyment drinking, but when the visor is on and she's negotiating, she'll order a drink if she thinks it will soothe her potential client's nerves. On rare occasions she takes her visor off and goes incognito at a bar after a successful and stressful deal. She likes comfortable sipping liquors, particularly brandy, and Sagolii Sunrise, a cocktail consisting of a soothing liquor distilled from Sagolii cacti and a sweet papaya liqueur.

@palaceofthedeadmemes THANKS NERD <3

[curiousview-blog]

Don’t lose the fun of the habit

We’re up to Chapter 13 of ‘How to stop drinking: A guide for normal people’. A series in which I am sharing my reflections on living, and staying sober, in a fun, honest, down-to-earth way to show that an alcohol-free life is possible. Previous chapters can be found below on www.samwarren.net

When I first contemplated living without alcohol I was convinced I wouldn’t be able to do anything from my old boozy life ever again. This fear was enough to make sure I kept on drinking for years past the point I knew I needed to quit, because alcohol was woven into the very fabric of my life and without it, everything would just unravel. But after the first few wobbly, fragile months were passed, I started doing all the things I used to do – just without the drink. Things start to feel slightly less awful, less weird, and more normal – well, they felt OK at least.

All the glitz and magic of Christmas with none of the alcohol

You’ll know when you’ve got to this point. It’s when you no longer have an urge to hide from the world with your embarrassing secret, or gush your sobriety over everyone you meet when you do venture out. When I felt strong enough, I started going to the pub again, having fruit cordial in a big beautiful wine glass after work, and ordering virgin mojitos on fancy nights out with the girls (just ignore the prices!) It felt safe to celebrating nice happenings with a bottle of sparkling grape juice, and more recently no-alcohol Prosecco has gaily bubbled onto the scene. And far from making me wistful for the buzz, or mourn for alcohol, I felt wonderful… I felt normal. I blended in, I still had life’s lovely drinky rituals, and very quickly I worked out which of these activities were still fun sober, and which ones weren’t.

Mocktails with dinner and a friend? Definitely fun...

Where I come from, drinking is not just about the drink, or even getting drunk. It’s also about the social rituals that fizz around the act of planning, buying, consuming, and recovering from alcohol too. Deciding how many bottles is enough to get in for a party, perusing the hundreds and hundreds of near-identical brands of gin in the supermarket, selecting just the right glass, swizzle stick and fruit garnish for cocktails, and then posting slightly proud comments on social media the next day: ‘Ugh. Hanging, but worth it: great night out!’ And then there’s the endless talking about alcohol – ‘expert’ sommelier tastings that make up a whole industry from tiny little sips, chunky courses on craft brewing, TED talks on viticulture and of course the tall stories between friends after a boozy escapade that are retold as high as skyscrapers for years after. Yes, alcohol is probably more a social substance than a chemical one, so when you quit you need to make sure you don’t overlook this important side to things. It’s only the addictive poison you want to be rid of (well, and the chaos and hideous hangovers, but they’re two sides of the same coin for us drunks). So make a clear distinction in your mind. 

It's the stuff in the glass that’s dangerous, not the glass!

Many drinking support groups caution against keeping up the same rituals after you’ve quit drinking – you know, don’t put elderflower fizz in a champagne glass, don’t drink no-alcohol beer, don’t go to pubs, don’t go on bar crawls… which is shorthand for basically amputate parts of your social self and never leave the house. Wear dark colours and flog yourself too while you’re at it. What a sacrifice! You’re already getting divorced from your toxic lover, do you have to lose contact with all their nice friends too? Really? And of course, once something feels like a sacrifice and not an escape, you will feel deprived, hard done by and like you’re missing out – and we all know what happens then. 

I prefer to reframe it completely the other way. With the beer goggles gone, you can see what you truly enjoy doing, and what you only enjoyed because it was an opportunity to get drunk. Having two bottles of Becks Blue in a pint glass after a summer country walk is sheer bliss. Sitting in a pub garden, quaffing like everyone else is a priceless feeling. Which is just as well seeing as that can set you back at least £7 at the time I’m writing this!

Spot the Difference?

However (for me), sitting in a Wetherspoons on a Saturday afternoon watching football is not. Neither is trawling around ten fancy bars in one evening spending money on expensive sugary potions. But having long liquid lunches of lime and soda with friends is just as brilliant as ever.

These are just my preferences of course and they’ve changed quite a bit during my sober journey. It will be different for you, and will change for all of us depending on who we are with, and at different times of our lives. But the process of distilling the ritual from the alcohol is the same, and it's a really nice process of discovering what you really like to do, and with whom.