#toxic fans watch some old school media

[daystarvoyage]

Toxic fandoms, I’m talking to y’all!!!

(Any questions this daystar voyage is a safe space)

Night✨

btw. your search for the most morally upright and ethical piece of media that has the most correct “representation” will destroy your ability to find the most profound and beautiful and human of stories. and may even destroy the stories themselves before they are created. if you even care.

[sooniebby]

ఌ 𝐑𝐎𝐂𝐊𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑

W.C › 12k

Warnings › bottom male reader. Reader is a bit immature. If you wanted an example of the bands music: Love Countdown vs Black Rose. Translations at the end. Some homophobia with a slur but very light. Unhinged OC, he’s crazy

Plot › This post I had but expanded.

Kinks › size difference, pain, possessive, lite spanking, toxic, dacryphilia, dubcon

Words to know › maknae (막��) — youngest. Hyung (형) — a term a younger male with call an older male. Jagiya/Jagi (자기야) — “sweetie/baby.” Seonbae (선배) — title of respect for someone in a higher position of you, usually work/school. Dongsaeng (동생) — little brother/sister, doesn’t have to be a biological sibling/can be a friend.

ೄྀ࿐ ˊˎ-

안녕하세요, 러브카운다운입니다!

박도현

Leader, 1997, Bassist, main vocalist

신원식

1998, Guitarist, lead vocalist

유키

1999, Drummer

양준호

2000, keyboardist, lead vocalist

이영재

2002, guitarist, sub vocalist

초 (Name)

Maknae, (B.Year), guitarist, violinist, main vocalist

Festival performance this Friday at Yellow Wood University, 8 PM KST

A giddy grin spread on your lips as you looked at the social media post your company posted not even an hour ago. There were mainly positive comments, everyone excited to see you all live after listening to the debut album.

You debuted into Love Countdown just five months and your band was already getting love most bands would kill for.

Your music was certainly good but it did help most of your band mates were practically model material. Any type of fans were fine with you, even if all they cared about was one of your band mates abs.

The sound of the front door opening caught your attention as you exited out of Twitter and looked up. As with most groups, you lived in an apartment with your band mates. Lucky for you, your company wasn’t inhumane and forced six men to group in one small apartment.

You roomed with Junho and Young-Jae. While Dohyun, Yuki, and Won-Shik roomed together right next door.

“Hey, Hyung. You bought any dinner?” You asked, watching as Young-Jae only had to walk two steps to get into the kitchen. Hey, your company wasn’t that rich.

“Just pizza because I’m not buying your picky ass anything else ever again.” He said, placing it on the kitchen countertop. “Can’t believe you didn’t even attempt to eat the expensive Italian food I bought last time.”

“No one told you to buy me Italian food.” You rebutted, walking over to grab a slice.

“Ungrateful brat.”

“Love you too, Hyung.”

You grabbed two pizzas slices as Young-Jae put away the groceries he bought.

“Hey, is your violin tuned? Dohyun Hyung was on my ass because of what happened last time.”

Last time meaning you pulled out your violin to play a song from your album and it sounded like absolute shit. You were lucky the crowd found it cute and were just laughing as you hurriedly tried to tune the violin. The perks of being the cute maknae!

“Of course, I wouldn’t want Dohyun Hyung to spank you again.”

“He did not spank me, stop being weird.” Young-Jae rolled his eyes, reaching over to deliver a smack to the back your head. You cried out in pain as you glared at him.

“Do you know who else is playing at the festival? I didn’t pay attention when Manager Nayoung was talking.”

“Of course you didn’t. Mostly solo artists. I think a rock band is playing there… can’t remember their name. Starts… like uh…” Young-Jae sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “Le..? No… Uh. Damn. It was something edgy.”

“Edgy?”

“Yeah. Their music is all rock and emo. The made the OST to that crime kdrama you watched. Seriously… their name isn’t long, why can’t I remember?”

“You’re getting old.”

Young-Jae looked up at you, his eyes narrowing. “Say that again?”

“What?”

“(Name)….”

“Hyung…”

You both stared at each other as a slight smirk pulled on your lips.

“You fucking……!”

“I’m home.”

The door opened just before Young-Jae could attack you. You shrieked and immediately ran to your savior, clinging to Junho. Junho was unfazed as he wrapped his free arm around your waist and tugged you close, closing the door with his foot.

“Pizza for dinner? Thanks.” Junho said, placing his bags down on the kitchen counter.

“Stop protecting that little shit, Hyung. I need to give him a spanking.” Young-Jae glared at you with a murderous intent in his eyes.

You giggled. “Oh~ so kinky Hyungie~! Should I pull my pants down?”

“You…!!!”

Junho maneuvered you away just as Young-Jae made an attempt to grab you. You wrapped your arm around Junho’s neck and grinned, sticking your tongue out at Young-Jae as a sign of victory.

“Hm, Junnie Hyung, do you know that emo band that’s playing at the festival this Friday?” You asked, looking up at Junho.

“Hm. Black Rose?”

Black Rose? Hm… Why did that sound familiar?

You were about to think more until your stomach growled.

Forget it. It’s probably nothing important anyway.

ཆི❤︎ཆྀ

“Looking good boys. Your first ever festival performance. Let’s do great okay?! Fighting!” Manager Nayoung said as she patted you on the back.

You gave her a smile as you glanced at yourself in the mirror. There were hearts drawn over your nose, almost like freckles. Being the maknae meant you usually got the more cutesy makeup compared to the others.

Dohyun was always… more naked compared to everyone else. You glanced over at your leader and couldn’t help but stare at his ass. He was wearing a crop top with no sleeves, a waist chain and sinfully tight leather pants. You were almost jealous of his abs but also wanted to touch them again.

Your eyes flickered over to Young-Jae and you almost laughed to see him unabashedly staring right at Dohyun’s ass. You sauntered over to him and smacked his head.

“Hey, are you trying to burn a hole through his pants?” You whispered, snickering as Young-Jae’s face practically turned red.

“Shut it!” He weakly retorted, turning his attention to the mirror to fix his dyed red hair. “I was just looking at his outfit. The stylists love putting him tight clothing. What if he’s uncomfortable?”

You hummed. “Dohyun Hyung!”

“Hey—!”

“Yes,��� Dohyun looked up from the book he was reading, smiling over at you. He had red lipstick with dark eyeliner that brought out the blue colored contacts he wore. He’s lucky he’s handsome, blue contacts just freak you out.

“Are you uncomfortable in your pants?”

“Hm, no? I won’t be moving much anyway.” He answered. “Why?”

“Just asking!”

You turned back around to see a furious Young-Jae staring at you. You only giggled. “See? He’s fine. You’re just enjoying his ass.”

“I hate you.”

“Love you too, Hyungie~!”

A tap on your shoulder caught your attention as you turned back to see Yuki behind you. He was wearing a more tamed version of Dohyun’s outfit with lighter makeup. “Some snacks I stole from the staff table.” He handed you a chocolate bar, a bag of chips, and a soda.

“What about me?” Young-Jae asked.

“What about you? Love you, (Name).” Yuki patted you on the head before walking away to join Junho on the couch. Favoritism. You loved being the maknae.

You smirked. “Maybe try being cuter. Then your hyungs will want to take care of you.”

“I’m going to smother you in your sleep.”

“Kinky~!”

Young-Jae rolled his eyes and turned his attention back to the mirror, fixing his collar. “I’m not even sure why we’re dressed like this. Our concept isn’t this dark.”

“It’s just for the event. Manager Nayoung was telling me that the event organizers wanted a darker theme.”

“Our songs are literally all about being in love and being happy. We have no emo or rock songs.”

“Stop complaining. At least they still wanted us. We’re first for a reason. We just need to get everyone upbeat.”

You glanced over at Young-Jae, taking in his outfit. It was similar to yours. A white lace shirt with black detailing. Basic black slacks with combat boots. Except he had a choker while you had a necklace. The hearts across your nose were red, brightening your face in comparison to the dark eyeliner.

Won-Shik and Junho had similar outfits as well, an inverse of yours and Young-Jae. You preferred the more colorful clothing you wore during your regular performances but it is what it is. As you flicked at a lint on your cheek, the door to the dressing room opened.

“You’re going to preform in twenty minutes, boys. Get going!”

As your band mates got ready to set up their instruments, you saw the next band come in to get dressed. And to your horror, a familiar face walked right in.

Kim Ye-Jun.

You felt your heart drop to your ass as you stared at him. He didn’t seem to notice you at first, busy directing his band mates to get dressed. It wasn’t until he turned around that he froze at the sight of you.

“Let’s go, (Name)-Ah.” Young-Jae said, grabbing your arm as he began to pull you out of the room. Your gaze was still locked on Ye-Jun before you quickly turned away, the memories of him flooding your brain.

That fucking dick. He’s in that band?!

Shit. You wanted to delete their OST off your playlist stat. Why were they even playing at such a small event, they weren’t mainstream by any means but they were big in the band scene.

“Violin tuned?” Dohyun suddenly asked as you assumed your position, fixing the mic to your height.

“Yea. It’s tuned…”

“You okay? You look like you saw a ghost.”

You wished he was a ghost.

“I’ll be fine. Just a little nervous.”

Dohyun took your word for it and simply patted you on the back, turning his attention back to his own mic. It only took a few minutes before the MC was announcing the band and the yells from the crowd increased.

You stood tall, clutching the guitar to your chest just as the lights shined on you all. Dohyun began his usual speech while you couldn’t help but smile at attention. A few girls were screaming your name!

Yuki tapped his drumsticks together before starting off the beat. You were only going to be performing five songs so you weren’t worried in the slightest. Of course you forgot you were the one that started this song off.

Despite the slight hiccup and Dohyun’s swift glare at you, you continued on, earning a few giggles from the crowd. As you played, you didn’t notice the pair of eyes watching you from the side of the stage.

ཆི❤︎ཆྀ

“You were great, boys! I think you gained some new fans,” Nayoung said, handing each of you a bottle water. “Go get changed and enjoy the rest of the festival! Do anything to get fans.”

Won-Shik smirked as he wrapped his arm around your neck, “anything?” You grinned, rolling your eyes.

“Absolute not! Get your mind out of the gutter!” Nayoung yelled, glaring at Won-Shik. “Yuki, watch him! I don’t want a scandal before you’re even a year old yet! Matter of fact, stick with one other person.”

Young-Jae groaned. “Guess I’m stuck with you,” he said, glaring at you.

You smirked before glancing over at Dohyun as he began wiping off his makeup. “Well… Dohyun Hyung!”

“What do you—!”

“—Can you pair with Jae Hyung? I wanna hang out with Junnie Hyung!”

“You little—!!!”

“—Sure. You okay with spending time with me Jae-Ah? I don’t think I’ll be much fun.” Dohyun laughed, turning over to face you and Young-Jae. His makeup was smudge now—lipstick off completely. His eyes resembling deer eyes by how round they were. Boba eyes, that’s what Won-Shik called them once.

Because of how perverted you were, you couldn’t help but imagine if that’s how he would look after having sex.

A quick glance at Young-Jae told you he was thinking the same thing.

“C..Course, Hyung!! You’re great, amazing even! I mean… you’re great to hang out with… Yeah… I’ll go change.” Young-Jae grabbed his duffle bag and quickly sprinted to the bathroom.

“What’s with him?”

You shrugged, “Dunno. Maybe he has diarrhea.”

“Oh no… I’ll get him some tea.” Dohyun said, taking you seriously. Before you could even tell him it was a joke he already left the dressing room. You sighed and rubbed the bridge of your nose. He was so weirdly naive sometimes.

A tap on your shoulder caught your attention as you looked over to see Junho smiling at you. “You gonna change or go out like that?” He was already changed—dressed in a black t-shirt with washed out jeans. His styled hair purposely brushed out, now just a brown mop on his head.

“No, I’ll change. Wait for me, Hyungie!” You blew him a kiss that he quickly caught, laughing.

You and Junho seamlessly blended into the crowd of college students as a the next band began to play. Black Rose had already played while you were getting undressed so you ended up missing it.

You tried to ignore the odd feeling in your stomach at the disappointment you weren’t fast enough. But you didn’t care! You didn’t…

Certainly not.

“Shots?” Junho suddenly asked, leaning down to rest his chin on your shoulder. You hummed in agreement. He left and was quick to come back with two shots. About an hour passed on you just listening to each act perform before the DJ came out and everyone started dancing.

The cool October breeze made you shiver as you felt Junho wrap his arms around you. You grinned and turned around to press your chest against him. Junho was not only taller than you but muscular in comparison—having worked out religiously with Dohyun and Won-Shik.

He was warm so you eagerly pressed as close as possible against him, burying your face in his chest. Junho simply swayed to the upbeat noise music. If the music wasn’t there, people would’ve assumed you both were slow dancing to a ballad.

“Feed me a shot?” You suddenly asked, tilting your head back.

“What are you, a baby?”

“Yup, your baby.”

Junho simply hummed as he used his free hand to grab your face, keeping it still as he slowly tipped the plastic cup’s rim against your lips. You squeezed at his shirt as the cool liquid rushed down your throat, causing you the cough once you swallowed.

“Wow… again!” You laughed, ignoring the judgmental look Junho gave you.

“You’re so weird, (Name)-Ah. I’ll be back, stay right here.” His hand trailed down your waist before he pulled away, poking you on the cheek as he walked away. You hummed and swayed slightly, feeling a bit buzzed from the amount of shots you took by now.

You subconsciously began to whisper the lyrics to one of your songs when a hand wrapped itself around your wrist. The words couldn’t even leave your mouth before you’re tugged away from the crowd. You whined and was about to scream when one of the street lamps illuminated your attacker.

Kim Ye-Jun.

A groan left your lips, no longer feeling the need to put up a fight. At least it’s not a saesang.

Ye-Jun dragged you all the way back go where the dressing room was. You assumed he was going to drag you in there but he suddenly took a sharp left turn and pulled open the storage closet, shoving you inside. A gasp left your lips as you bumped into the wall, groaning in pain.

Your eyes felt heavy, especially with the bright ceiling light shining down on you. “Seriously..? I was about to get another shot!”

He didn’t say anything, his eyes narrowing at you.

You bristled, standing up straight. “What?! I’m of legal age, dick. Anyway, I need to go back before my friends start worrying about me.” You moved to push past him but he grabbed your shoulder and slammed you right back against the wall.

The force knocked you sober as you stared at Ye-Jun in shock. “What.. What the fuck is your problem?!”

“I thought you wanted to be an Idol.” Ye-Jun suddenly said.

You tilted your head. “Wha..? The company thought I fit the band aesthetic better. Besides, I can’t dance well anyway. Why do you even care? You could’ve asked me this in front of everyone else..”

Ye-Jun stared at you for a moment, as if he was thinking about what to say. You took the moment to really take him in. He was taller than you, his buzz cut had grown out from university, though still short and spiky. A worn out leather jacket with a wife beater. Leather pants that hugged his thighs. Wow, he was working out.

You shook your head. Nope, you weren’t about to fall back into his arms. “Well, if you’re just gonna stare at me, you can follow our band’s instagram. I post on there. It’s TheRealLoveCountdown.”

A bitter laugh left Ye-Jun just as you were about to push him. You wanted to ask what’s his problem was when he surged forward and slammed his lips against yours. A strangled gasp left you and your hands quickly moved to push him away. But he was stronger, grabbing your wrists as he slammed them against the wall.

He kissed you hungrily, pressing his crotch against yours. You couldn’t help the soft moans that left your throat as he bit your lip. The pain sent a shockwave through your spine. His hands released your wrists and shoved themselves into your jeans.

“Kim Ye-Jun!” You managed to stutter out as you pulled away from the kiss. He paid you no mind, grabbing a fist full of your ass. An embarrassing whine left your lips as finger teased your hole.

“Why are you speaking respectfully?”

“Aren’t you my seonbae now? You debuted first.”

Ye-Jun looked down at you, his grip tightening on your ass. “Seonbae? I told you to call me Hyung.”

“You lost that privilege, Seonbae. We aren’t friends.”

“Mhm,” Ye-Jun hummed. “Yeah, you weren’t ever a friend. You’re mine.”

You shivered and felt your hips buck against his, your bulge rubbing against his own. Ye-Jun smirked as he pulled you, hands gripping your waist, as he turned you around. A grunt left you as you’re pushed against the wall.

The feeling of cool air touches your lower half before you can even complain. He pulled your fucking pants down. You gasped as he pried your ass open and you felt a puff of air tease your hole.

“You… Yah, what the hell do you think you’re doing, bastard?!”

The air stilled in the closet as your lips pressed into a tight thin line. Oh god. You really said that.

“Sae…kki…ya?” Ye-Jun whispered, his grip loosening on your skin. You were grateful that your back was facing him so you couldn’t see the face he must be making.

Young-Jae was right. You really needed to work on having a filter.

“I’m a son of a bitch? I’ll fucking show you a son of a bitch, Cho (Name).”

It was silent for a moment—you almost believed Ye-Jun was getting ready to leave when you felt two fingers shove themselves inside your hole. The fingers were slick so it wasn’t in there dry but the intrusions felt like it was the worst thing you could ever experience.

Ye-Jun waited for a moment before slowing flexing his index and pointer finger inside. You grunted and gripped at the wall for some type of purpose. What the hell was he looking for?

A guttural scream left your throat as his fingers rub against your prostate. You whimpered, rubbing your thighs together as you looked behind to try and get a look at Ye-Jun.

His head was down so you could only see his hair. He patted your ass before leaning forward and pressing his lips against your right ass cheek. It felt oddly sweet—it almost made you short circuit.

Until you felt teeth sinking into your skin.

“Fuck!” You cried out, pressing your head against the wall as his fingers began to repeatedly press against your prostate. His teeth felt sharp on your skin as if he was biting to break skin.

Ye-Jun didn’t allow you to breathe or take in the pleasure, pumping his fingers to attack and abuse your prostate. He moved to your left ass cheek and left a matching bite mark—you were sure that one broke skin.

You weren’t even sure how long it had been. Your legs were shaky as you had to use your hands to keep yourself help. The leaking from your dejectedly cock made you whimper at being unable to bring yourself to true pleasure.

There were bite marks not just on your ass but on your thighs. You had weakly tried to keep him off but he easily stopped you with a painfully slow rub against your prostate that sent you into a frenzy.

It was building—the tell tale sign of you reaching your peak. Your toes curled as you hiccuped. You didn’t even notice you were crying.

Just as you felt the orgasm coming to its peak… Ye-Jun pulled away.

You whined, looking back at him in shock as he wiped his fingers on your t-shirt. He looked unbothered as he fixed his clothes. His eyes flickered over to you when you made another pathetic whine to get his attention. It almost hurt to talk. He only smirked.

“You can take care of the rest, right?” He asked, his lips moving into a slight snarl as his eyes narrowed. “Or maybe call that band mate of yours. You were practically on his dick earlier.”

Your eyes widen as you watched him leave, slamming the door shut behind him. You slid down the wall and could only just sit there in pure shock.

The dryness of your throat was beginning to affect you as you reached down to pull your boxers up.

You just wanted to go home.

❝ 목이 메어 ❞

It had been two weeks since the “incident” and you had made a clear effort to never listen to Black Rose. You blocked them everywhere—going as far as to block them on your other members phones as well.

Yuki and Won-Shik didn’t seem to care that much.

Young-Jae called you insane.

While Junho and Dohyun were the only two that seemed worried about your behavior.

Which led to now. You were curled up on Dohyun’s bed as he sat at his desk, working on some lyrics for your comeback that was four months away. He always liked getting ahead in work. The band wouldn’t start recording until December. It was only November 3rd.

The lyrics were technically done and approved by the company but Dohyun was always a perfectionist so everyone had let him be at this point.

Junho was beside you on the bed, occasionally giving Dohyun some of his opinions on the lyrics.

This album was going to be more ballad heavy. Focusing solely on heartbreak and toxic relationships. You almost scoffed to yourself.

You had so many lyrics you wanted to put but knew they would end up being too personal so you kept them in your journal for safe keeping.

“Oh, we’re trending on Twitter…” Junho suddenly said, earning both yours and Dohyun’s attention.

“What? What did we do?” Dohyun questioned, quickly moving to sit on the bed. You sat up and curled close to Junho, worried that someone on a random forum made an insane rumor that the Korean netizens would eat up in a heartbeat.

“Oh, it’s mainly (Name)-Ah and that guy from Black Rose.”

Your heart dropped to your ass. “W..Why?!”

Junho glanced down at you curiously before showing you a Twitter post that had almost 20k likes. He soon clicked on the link of the forum posts that was talking about it.

@_Dohyungotafatty (↑4599 ↓235)

↳ guys, have yall seen who’s been liking (Name)’s posts on Instagram??

Below the text was a collage of your Instagram posts on the band’s account. You and Yuki were the only ones that really posted selfies religiously. But it wasn’t the pictures that caught people’s attention.

No it was the fact that the account that seemed to like every single one of your selfies was no other than fucking Kim Ye-Jun.

You balked. You didn’t think he had a public Instagram account that didn’t belong to the company. Fuck, you should’ve checked!!! Of course an older group had more freedom than your own.

You couldn’t even try to assume it was someone else. The next reply to the post was someone clicking on the account and lo and behold, Ye-Jun’s face showed up in the accounts posts.

They even showed that the official band account was following him—as well as his other band members.

Yeah… that was him.

@BRkim_yejun — 589k followers, 6 following

The video checked his following and he was even following the band’s account. You groaned, rubbing the bridge of your nose in annoyance.

“He likes Yuki’s posts too right..? It’s not just me!” You muttered, scrolling to see the other accounts.

@junhoswhore (↑239 ↓26)

↳ if (Name) was a girl, netizens would’ve started a dating rumor ㅋㅋㅋㅋ

@jaesflatass (↑102 ↓34)

↳ he doesn’t even likes Yuki’s posts. He wants him so bad ㅋㅋㅋㅋ

@yukiwukii (↑20 ↓2)

↳ aren’t they alumnis from the same university??

@lovewonshiik (↑1020 ↓125)

↳ girl they’re college dropouts ㅋㅋㅋ

@_loveandfear (↑409 ↓89)

↳ Ye-Jun doesn’t even like his own members posts. He must really like Cho (Name). I wanna see them interact!!

@freakfundashi (↑2987 ↓3082)

↳ I wanna see them fuck on stage

“Okay that’s enough.” Dohyun suddenly said, grabbing Junho phone as he exited out of the forum. “You shouldn’t pay attention to them. They’re just weirdos. What does ‘Dohyun got a fatty’ even mean?”

Junho glanced over at you. You both tried to hold in your laughter.

“I’m not sure, Hyung. I can ask around.”

Dohyun shook his head. “I don’t think I even want to know. Anyway, do you know Kim Ye-Jun, (Name)-Ah? He seems to know you.”

“Yeah, why would you block the Black Rose account if you know him? You aren’t friends?”

You blushed slightly as you tried to come up with an excuse. “We.. we did go to the same college but I dropped out to pursue music. I lost contact with him after that! I wouldn’t even say we were friends.. we were just both music majors!”

Junho and Dohyun didn’t seem too convinced but they got the message that this was all you were going to tell them at the moment.

“If you do feel uncomfortable around him, I can block him, y’know? I want my maknae to be comfortable.” Junho said, leaning over to caress your cheek. You leaned into his touch and hummed in appreciation.

Ye-Jun’s words suddenly got to you. The hyung he was talking about had to be Junho. But you don’t remember ever being on his “dick.” You didn’t like Junho romantically. Besides, you were pretty sure him and Yuki had something going on despite their attempts of being discrete.

Won-Shik seemed to be the resident straight man of the band.

“Manager Nayoung can always speak to Black Rose’s manager and make them get Ye-Jun to back off as well. Just tell us, alright?” Dohyun said, rubbing your head.

You gave him a grin that wasn’t forced and cuddled closer to Junho’s touch. Ye-Jun would probably back off sooner or later. It wasn’t like you would have to see him again any time soon.

Oh how wrong you were.

❝ 매달려 봤는데 상처 발더러고 ❞

The memory is hazy by now, but you still remember the exact date, time, and weather when you first met Kim Ye-Jun.

November 3rd, 20XX. 5:30 pm. Heavy rain and scattered thunderstorms.

You had just came from school, wanting to just plop down on bed and cry. Your future uncertain with your parents refusal to allow you to try out at a company to pursue your dreams on being a musician.

Your umbrella was big, a bit hard to hold upright because of how old it was. There was a hole in it that allowed small drops of rain to drip on your shoulder. You couldn’t even afford to pay for a new one. The wind suddenly picked up just as you were getting to cross the street.

“Shit…!” Your grip loosened as the wind folded your umbrella upwards. It slipped from your grip and twirled across the crosswalk. You made the step to run after it until a hand grabbed your wrist and pulled you right back onto the curb.

A car breezed past you, splashing water over you and your savior. You coughed as the savior pressed you against their chest. They were saying something but it wasn’t hard to hear anything in the heavy rain.

You looked up, pushing away the wet hair that clung to your face. There he was: Kim Ye-Jun. A shaved head while dressed in a Korean military uniform. He looked young but you knew lots of boys your age that were going to do their Korean service before college to get it over with.

The first meeting hardly meant anything to Kim Ye-Jun while it meant everything to you. He released his grip on your waist and bent down to grab your backpack, handing it over to you.

Before you could even say anything else, he handed over his umbrella. You tried to refuse but he forced your hand open and wrapped it around the handle. You watched with wide eyes as he reached up and wiped something off your face before pulling away.

You were so happy that the rain hid the fact you were crying just a few minutes earlier. But judging by the soft smile he gave you, your red eyes must’ve given it away.

Your eyes flickered to his name tag just as he was leaving, sprinting away to what you assumed was the nearby convenience store.

❝ 김예준 ❞

You would see him again at your college welcoming party. He was also a freshman just like you despite being twenty years old. A few freshman teased him about it while he just laughed it off, saying they’re gonna wish they got their service over with.

You didn’t originally want to seek him out, worried he wouldn’t even remember you. But he ended up speaking to you first. Those first nine months you spent with him almost felt like a dream.

He wasn’t your first kiss but he was your first boyfriend, your first time, the first boy you believed you could spend a lifetime with.

But it seemed you were the only one who thought that.

“Cho (Name)? Is he your boyfriend or something? He’s so clingy with you.”

“I don’t know how you do it! He acts so childish, it’s gross. Just because you’re gay doesn’t mean you need to act like a fag. I’m gay and I act fucking normal.”

“Does he even know about the band you got accepted in? Whenever I see you guys interact, it’s literally all about him! He hardly lets you speak.”

You expected Ye-Jun to say something in your defense.

“Yeah… He’s clingy. I didn’t expect him to be when we started hanging out.”

“—Hanging out? You’re not even dating him? You’re fuck buddies?”

“Well it’s only been nine months. We’ve only been fucking. He just whines a lot about his parents before I can even talk. The only way he stops is when we fuck.”

“Really? Why do you even keep him around?”

“Nine months is a long time, haha. It has to be sex, right??”

“He makes me feel good about myself. Plus he is cute despite how annoying he can be—”

“—How is he in bed? Whiny? Bet he’s a slut—”

You couldn’t take it anymore, walking away from the wall as you rubbed at your face. Fuck buddies. You were Kim Ye-Jun’s fuck buddy.

A bitter laugh left you as you pulled your phone, opening website you were on earlier. It was auditions for a new company. If Ye-Jun thought all you did was complain, you would show him you have drive.

You blocked his number and signed up for the audition, dropping out of school the next week. Your parents disowned you but you pushed through, staying at your aunt’s before you got the acceptance call.

It’s just a shame you had to see him again after four years.

ཆི❤︎ཆྀ

‘ COMEBACK ’ 러브카운다운 - Love’s Fool

After an intense music video recording, it was released three hours ago. It was your groups first comeback so to say you were nervous was an understatement. The music video was different from the debut’s sunshine and happy vibes from the single debut album.

This 1st mini album, named after the title track, was darker and certainly more depressing. Though it seemed the fans were eating it up. A few even saying they cried to the song.

You straightened your back as the hair stylist pulled at your hair. It was the first performance at a music show. Online so many fans were staying they were going to get the band its first music show win so you couldn’t help but feel giddy at the thought.

Switching the phone onto the camera, you held it up and smiled, taking a few pictures. You immediately posted them onto Instagram, choosing the ones where you looked the cutest. It was only a second before the first like came in.

@BRkim_yejun liked your post

You almost threw your phone. But that wasn’t the worst. He actually commented. In the past three months that’s he’s been religiously liking your posts, and only yours, he’s never commented on it.

@BRkim_yejun commented : 귀여워, 자기야… 셀키 더 찍어 주세요… 뽀뽀하고 싶어요 ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

Kiss?? You almost passed out as you reread his comment over and over again. You couldn’t believe he was asking for more selfies! You’re just happy he didn’t use “키스” as that would’ve been too romantic. But the nerve to call you jagiya was pissing you off. You haven’t been his baby in few years now!

@TheRealLoveCountdown responded : 꺼져

Sure, it’s petty to tell him to go away but you weren’t feeling generous to be nice right now. You turned off your phone and placed it on the table in front of you. The hair stylist had finally finished your hair as she walked away. Dohyun came up to you, smiling slightly.

“(Name)-Ah, you okay? That’s the first time he commented on your post right?”

“Yeah… But it’s fine, I told him to go away. Maybe he’ll listen.”

Dohyun only chuckled in response. He leaned down and wrapped his arms around you as he rubbed his cheek against yours. You giggled and basked in his warmth, sighing in relief.

But you couldn’t stop your mind from wandering about how Ye-Jun used to hug you just like this. Especially when you were slaving away on your assignments and he wanted you to take a break.

He’d press kisses on your neck before your cheek, inching close to your lips before pressing a wet slobbery kiss on your lips. Because that would always disgust you and make you chase after him to deliver another wet slobbery dog kiss on his cheeks.

Then he’d always hug you close on the couch and force you to watch tv. He’d always get you. And you’d always fall asleep in his arms.

“Are you method acting again? No one’s expecting us to cry on stage, dumbass.”

You flinched as a napkin taps at the edge of your eyes. You glanced over to see Young-Jae gently dapping the tears away before they have the chance to fall and ruin your makeup. Dohyun just tightens his hug and comfortingly rubbed your shoulders before pulling away.

“Thanks, Hyungie~!” You grinned, moving to pull Young-Jae into a hug that he swiftly dodged.

“You’re not messing up my outfit! Stay back!”

“Hyung… I want to hug you!!! Come here!!”

“Stay back, Cho (Name)!!!”

The performance was great if you had to toot your own horn. This was one of the first songs that you played the violin for entirely—the other time it was sort of a gimmick. You even had a violin solo with Junho’s keyboard.

Now it was wining down time. You took another selfie, even one with Won-Shik and Young-Jae. Young-Jae practically never posted so you usually forced him to join your selfies for his starving fans.

You tried to ignore the weird feeling in your heart when Ye-Jun didn’t immediately like your post. You didn’t care! Nope… You did not.

But you didn’t stop yourself as you typed in the Black Rose Instagram to check the account. You had unblocked a month ago at the request of Nayoung since it looked weird on your part when there’s no history between you and the band.

There wasn’t much pictures beside promotional material. Photos for their comeback. It was only five members, Ye-Jun as the leader but he wasn’t the oldest. You wondered if this was the band he was talking about back then.

@TheBlackRose

(블랙로즈) 4.9M Followers 6 Following

Six following? You clicked on it and sat up straight on the couch to see that the account was following Love Countdown! Though the fact they were so close to five million followers shocked you. They really were popular. Love Countdown only reached 320k followers just recently.

Did Ye-Jun make the account follow you? You tried to push away the giddy feeling in your chest. Deciding you had nothing to lose, you checked the band members account.

@BRpark_shion

(박시온) 518k Followers 5 following

@BRim_roha

(임로하) 538k followers 6 following

@BRseo_minji

(서민지) 515k followers 5 following

@BRhwang_hanbin

(황한빈) 529k followers 5 following

“Roha..?” You muttered, confused on why he was following the account as well.

“Who’s Roha?”

You jumped, looking up to see Yuki sitting down beside you. “Yuki Hyung! Ah.. I was just..”

“Snooping?” He chuckled, leaning over. “Im Roha? Oh, he’s cute.”

“Who’s cute?!” Junho suddenly asked, turning his head abruptly from his phone. You couldn’t help but laugh.

“You’re cuter, Junnie.” Yuki placated, snickering. “Very Kawaii.”

“Oh! Yuki, can you still teach me Japanese? I want to be confident in my pronunciation for our Japanese debut!” You asked, subtly trying to change the conversation.

“Yea.” He said, pushing back his overgrown bangs. “But I still want to know what you’re doing. I thought you hated Black Rose.”

“I do! I really hate them…”

“Or do you hate Kim Ye-Jun? Did he do something to you?”

You frowned. The word hate next to Ye-Jun’s name made you upset. Despite everything, you couldn’t hate him. Fuck, you were pathetic.

“He just… We just ended things badly. But it’s mostly my own fault. I thought we were something special—he didn’t think the same.”

Yuki blinked for a moment as if he was taking in your words. “Oh. You dated him?”

“Wha?! How’d you?!”

“What else could you have meant?” Yuki chuckled. “Do you wanna stay at Hyung’s tonight? We can have a movie marathon.”

You grinned, nodding your head. “Mhm. I would like that.”

The door to the dressing room opened as the next group to preform came in. Dohyun and the others had already gotten ready to leave so they moved to the side so the group could get ready. Much to your shock, it was the Black Rose.

Your eyes stopped on Roha. He was tall, slim, with dyed purple hair. Your body flinched when his eyes fell on yours and a grin pulled on his lips as he waved to you.

Roha looked so familiar but you just couldn’t put your finger on it. Was he from your university? It’s been five years at this point. You shook your head, deciding it wasn’t important.

You grabbed your bag and stood up, looking over at Junho. The others were already leaving.

“Junnie Hyung—”

“—Yes?”

“—Yeah?”

Your body froze as a voice was heard behind you. Junho looked up confused at who else would answer to your call. You didn’t even have to turn around to know who it was. Before Junho, you had called someone else “Junnie Hyung.”

Yeah, Kim Ye-Jun.

“You call him my name?” Ye-Jun suddenly said, walking right up in front of you. Your eyes quickly looked down. Embarrassment swirled in your stomach as you felt Junho’s and Ye-Jun’s eyes on you as they waited for you to speak.

You took a deep breath and managed to look up at him. “Yeah… he’s my hyung.. and his name is Junho. So, Junnie Hyung. You’re not the only man named Jun.”

Ye-Jun laughed, a smirk playing on his lips. “I don’t remember allowing you to do that. His name is Junho, yeah? So call him Junho Hyung.”

“Uhm,” Junho muttered, a look of confusion on his face. His brows furrowed as his lips pulled into a frown. “I don’t like how you’re speaking to my dongsaeng.”

“Dongsaeng?” Ye-Jun tilted his head before turning his attention back over to you. “Cute. That’s real cute. (Name)-Ah, my number hasn’t changed. I’ll be waiting, Jagiya.”

He gave a slight nod at Junho before walking away to join his members to get his hair and makeup down. Junho looked more confused than angry as he glanced over at you.

“Jagiya?”

You blushed. “He’s just.. teasing me! Yeah.. he didn’t mean it.”

A tap on your shoulder caught your attention. You looked over to see Roha grinning at you.

“(Name), my number is the same as well, okay? Talk to you later.” Roha lovingly patted your head before walking away.

Junho blinked. “Wow. I thought you didn’t know anyone in Black Rose.”

“Me neither…”

You were so fucking screwed.

Why was your heart beating so fast?

❝ 진지하진 않잖아 가벼운 간보기잖아 ❞

You unblocked him. Mainly because you had no back bone. You laid on Yuki’s bed, wondering if you should text first. Yuki had some Jpop song playing as he folded up his laundry. He had dumped it on his bed a few days ago but didn’t really do it until you were now gonna stay the night.

“Is it normal to still have feelings for your ex..? Oh well, ex fuck buddy.”

“Yeah. If you really loved him.” Yuki said, muttering something to himself in Japanese before putting away the last of his clothes. He turned off his music and sat down on the bed.

You frowned and sat up. “I’m so confused. He hurt me. He.. He said I complained too much. I was clingy… I didn’t let him speak in our relationship. Said I only shut up when he fucked me…”

“Maybe he was right. Maybe you weren’t the best boyfriend.”

“What?”

Yuki gave you a small smile. “Even if you weren’t, he should’ve talked to you. He should’ve told you instead of bad mouth you to your friends. And.. maybe you should’ve spoken to him about how you were feeling instead of just ghosting him.”

“I… Well he embarrassed me in front of his friends.”

“He was wrong for that. But how can a relationship work if you let one problem ruin it?”

You frowned. Yuki was making sense and you didn’t necessarily want that right now.

“You don’t have to get back with him. He did hurt you. Not everyone can forgive something like that. But how old were you when you dated him?”

“Eighteen…”

“First ever relationship?”

“Mhm…”

“Well, I hope in those five years you know that you can’t just go silent during a relationship problem. You had the right to cuss him out but to also see if you could fix the problem he was feeling.”

“Man… I was hoping you would’ve just let me complain. I didn’t want this philosophical shit.”

Yuki grinned. “You should’ve went to Won-Shik Hyung if you wanted to complain. Do you want to text him?”

You glanced over at your phone, sighing. “Maybe.. But he was acting really weird before we left. He got mad at Junho Hyung because I called him Junnie Hyung.”

Yuki smirked. “He’s just jealous. Then he really does still like you. Wah, you have yourself a possessive boyfriend.”

“He’s not my boyfriend.” You whined, biting your lip.

“He probably doesn’t think that way. I’ll pick the movie while you text your honey.”

You glared at Yuki but still grabbed your phone, staring at the contact of Kim Ye-Jun. It still had a heart on the name. The name proudly written in as “주니형.” You exited out of his contact and went to look at the other blocked numbers you had. It was mostly spam until a familiar named showed up.

Im Suyoung.

Im…

A gasp left your lips. Suyoung was Ye-Jin’s friend, they were practically brothers. You had gotten close to Suyoung by association but soon felt as if he was the big brother you never had. There was a distant memory you had when he said he wanted to change his name to something cooler.

Roha.

Ah. You unblocked his number and saw the loads of messages that didn’t end up going through to you. It had stopped four years ago. But before, it was loads of them asking where you were, if you’re okay, if something had happened to you.

The last message made you laugh at how stupid it was.

↳ Ye-Jun’s worried. He’s going crazy over a nine month relationship, what did you do to him? ㅎㅎ He’s gonna find you one day, (Name)-Ah, be ready.

Find you? Be ready? What the hell was Ye-Jun gonna do to you? You were mainly shocked that he was even going crazy over you being gone. Why would he care when he himself said you were “hanging out?”

You sighed, sending a quick message to Roha to tell him he’s unblocked. Your fingers moved on their own and you found yourself on Ye-Jun’s contact. The profile picture was of him and you, faces pressed together as you grinned at the camera while Ye-Jun looked as if he was mid grimace, eyes squeezed shut from the flash.

You scrolled up to five years ago, to the day you had blocked him. It was tamed for a moment until Ye-Jun seemed to notice his texts weren’t going through.

It was panic after that. Multiple texts with spams if you’re dead, if you’re okay, that he’s freaking out. You couldn’t help but laugh. It felt surreal to see this side of him. After a few months, he only kept sending hello, as if checking everyday to see when you’d unblock him.

A few times he’d type a message. Asking if you ate, if you’re doing okay wherever you are. The next year, he started sending pictures. It was of him and the band. He was talking about how nervous he was being the leader.

Ye-Jun never took selfies, he hated pictures which was why most pictures of him he had a grimace or frown.

But the ones he was sending you, he smiled. Well, as best as he could. It looked forced but you still felt giddy that he was trying.

You scrolled through the messages until finding one on the day of the festival at the university.

↳ you didn’t move on, right? You wouldn’t move on, Jagiya… put cream on the bite marks, I don’t want you to scar. Don’t get so close to that bean pole with the fried hair again, okay? It made me upset ㅠㅠ

↳ you know how to piss me off, Jagi. I wanna keep you locked up so you won’t ever run away from me again. Hah, Love Countdown is a cute name. I wish I went to your debut performance. I think I’m insane at this point, Jagi. Nine month relationship and I’m acting like this ㅋㅋㅋㅋ

↳ it’s weird, I liked seeing you cry. Back then, when that bastard called you a slut I almost killed him ㅋㅋ … I like putting you in your place. If it’s just an act, it’s okay right?

“Back then… Did he… Did he defend me after I left?” You whispered, shame suddenly rose in your heart.

“Hm?” Yuki asked, looking back over at you.

“Nothing… Nothing. Did you find the movie?”

“Not yet.”

You scrolled down, the rest of the messages going back to being little tidbits on his day to date life. It wasn’t until you made it to today that you tried to read what he sent.

↳ Junnie Hyung to another man? Jagi, are you trying to piss me off??? I’ve been staying calm these past for months when all I’ve wanted to do was drag you home and punish you for abandoning me for five years

↳ don’t do that again… you are always mine, no man should be touching you again like he did. I don’t know what made you leave me, but I hope you know I’m never letting you out of my sight ever again

↳ …Those pants you wore on stage were nice. can you buy your own pair, Jagiya? I wanna tear them off you.

↳ you unblocked me?

A gasp left your lips. What the fuck? How did he already know that? You watched as he began typing, the three dots causing unnecessary panic in your heart.

↳ Did you eat?

Huh? You waited to see if he’d send anything else but he didn’t. It took a moment but you soon replied with a sort yes. The anxiety was building within you and you wanted to just block him again. But your heart wanted him back. Even if the messages he was sending you were insane to the normal person.

It was radio silence before he sent a picture.

It was of him in what you could assume was his bedroom. He was lying on his bed and an LED light illuminated his face. His hair messy while a slight smile pulled on his lips. You couldn’t help but smile.

You wanted to ask about that day. If maybe after you left, he realized he wanted you. That maybe he just didn’t know how to word his feelings properly.

But you felt as if it would be better in person. So, you did what you thought was the best response. You sent a selfie to him, making sure to smile.

It didn’t even take a minute before he started sending hearts. He usually never reacted like this before whenever you sent selfies. Did he change when you were gone?

Roha was right. He did go insane when you left him.

“Found the movie. You better leave before you even think about sexting him.” Yuki suddenly said, laying down on the bed.

You blushed. “What?! I wasn’t going to sext him!!”

Though you were feeling giddy at the thought of being close to him again. You couldn’t help but feel a bit worried about how… odd Ye-Jun was acting.

He really did change. And you weren’t sure if it was for the better.

❝ 이러면 안 되는데 머리론 아는데 ❞

It had only been a week and you had kept a small conversation going with Ye-Jun—he texted you every morning and night. He was more confident as well. Leading to the incident that happened a few days ago.

Black Rose had won on the fan voting for the music show win. Everyone on stage was clapping as Black Rose came to the center to grab the reward. You and your band mates were close so you were right in arms reach when Ye-Jun came over to you.

“Thanks to all of our fans for voting. I’m happy I get to make my dongsaeng proud with our twentieth music show win on our four year anniversary.” Ye-Jun said, wrapping his arms around your waist as he pulled you close.

He kept his attention on the camera recording him. “Please send some love to my dongsaeng’s group, Love Countdown!” He squeezed you tightly before pressing a quick peck on your cheek, earning yells from the crowd.

Your band mates, and Black Rose themselves, looked absolutely shocked to say the least.

Including Korean forums not even a day later.

@_Dohyungotafatty (↑645 ↓320)

↳ dongsaeng my ass.. they fucking ㅋㅋㅋㅋ

@jaesflatass (↑236 ↓67)

↳ he wanted to call him Jagiya so bad…

@junhoswhore (↑127 ↓378)

↳ I know skinship is normal but I’ve never wanted to kiss my homies

@_loveandfear (↑564 ↓24)

↳ you not a real homie then. I love kissing my boys good night. Tongue action too

@yukiwukii (↑764 ↓203)

↳ he’s so gay, i wanna call him the f slur ㅠㅠ

@lovewonshiik (↑389 ↓27)

↳ college drop out and gay, pick a struggle ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

@freakfundashi (↑386 ↓867)

↳ everyday I get closer to seeing Cho (Name) get creampied on stage

@_Dohyungotafatty (↑433 ↓189)

↳ you’re insane ㅎㅎ but Cho (Name) is definitely the bottom

@jaesflatass (↑330 ↓219)

↳ Kim Ye-Jun makes Cho (Name) bounce on his cock… wonder if it’s big ㅎㅎㅎ

@freakyfundashi (↑3980 ↓340)

↳ I have fanfics of them on AO3. Here’s my username ******

“Is Kim Ye-Jun your boyfriend or something? He keeps commenting on your posts.” Young-Jae asked, sitting down beside you on the couch. You glanced up from your phone and shook your head, blushing slightly.

“What are you even talking about? Kim Ye-Jun is just my seonbae. Don’t be so rude, Hyung.”

“Rude? Look at this.” Young-Jae pulled up on your more recent selfies, one you literally took not even an hour ago. It was of you in the fitting room, getting dressed in a fluffy white sweater and white trousers.

Today the band was doing a photoshoot for your upcoming Japanese debut.

@BRkim_yejun commented : 나는 너를 먹고 싶어…!! 왜 그렇개 귀여워? ㄷㄷ

“Dude, he likes you. He literally called you cute,” Young-Jae said, shaking his head. “If you were a girl, knets would’ve exploded with dating rumors already.”

@BRim_roha replied : 죽을래, 새끼야!!! GET OFF YOUR PHONE AND PICK UP THE PEN!!!

@BRpark_shion replied : 떨 떨?? I’ll give you something to tremble about

@BRseo_minji replied : IM GETTING MY ASS BEAT BECAUSE YOU WANNA GET YOUR DICK WET?!?

@BRhwang_hanbin replied : don’t you guys think you’re as weird as him for spamming the Instagram account? Everyone can see this, you stupid fucks.

Young-Jae looked over at you. “His band mates are as equally as insane. They deserve each other.” He turned off his phone and placed it on the coffee table in front of you both.

You only forced a tight grin. “They’re just eccentric people. Though Roha Hyung wasn’t like this back in university.”

“Hyung? You call Im Roha Hyung but not Kim Ye-Jun? Special treatment.”

“Shut the fuck up.”

“I heard that.”

You and Young-Jae sat up straight as Dohyun walked over to you both. He shook his head in disapproval before pulling out his phone. Your gaze flickered over to Young-Jae to see him ogling Dohyun. It wasn’t shocking. Dohyun was in a cropped t shirt once again with tight jeans.

Someone on the stylist team wanted to fuck Dohyun so bad at this point.

“Anyway,” Dohyun muttered, frowning at a text message he read before turning his attention over to you and Young-Jae. “The company is holding a birthday party after this for Manager Nayoung. Make sure to come.”

You gave him a quick thumbs up, “course, Hyungie~!”

“Yeah I’ll be there.” Young-Jae muttered.

“To stare at your ass.” You coughed out, earning a swift glare from Young-Jae.

Dohyun raised an eyebrow. “Stare at my slacks? When did you start using the work slacks, Jae-Ah? I can give you the website I buy them from.” He said, smiling.

Young-Jae sighed. “Sure…”

You gave a comforting pat on Young-Jae’s shoulder. Poor guy.

Party. You couldn’t help but briefly wonder if he’d be there…

❝ 거기 멈춰 줄래 빠지기 싫어 싫어 싫어 ❞

The party, of course, was nothing big. Manager Nayoung had asked for something small and chill. So the DJ was playing more 90s and 2000s Kpop. You were glued to Young-Jae for the most part until he got too drunk, somehow, and had to be taken home by Dohyun.

Won-Shik was being weirdly flirty with the older female staff who were enjoying his attention.

Yuki was somewhere, you remembered him saying he wanted to speak to someone.

That just left you and Junho together. You leaned closer to him and sighed, glancing up at him. Junho was staring straight ahead, watching the older people dance as much as their bones could handle before his eyes flickered down to you.

A soft smile spread on his lips. “Enjoying the party?”

“It’s cool.” You giggled. “I know how old people party now.”

“Hey, don’t judge. This is gonna be you in a couple of years. Just you wait.”

You snuggled closer and hummed, reaching up to wipe something off Junho’s cheek. Junho leaned in closer so you didn’t have to stand up on your toes to reach him. It was only a second, just a split second to where it almost looked like you kissed him when an hand grabbed your arm.

A shocked wince left your throat as you looked over to see who your aggressor was.

“Kim Ye-Jun? You were invited?” Junho asked, his eyebrows furrowing at the sight of him.

Ye-Jun’s upper lip was pulled into a snarl as he glared at Junho but turned his attention over to you. “What did I tell you, Cho (Name)? Did you forget?”

“What..? I’m just talking to Junnie Hyung…?” You whispered, glad that you were all in the corner of the party so no eyes could see this altercation.

“Excuse me?” Ye-Jun tilted his head, his eyes narrowing as he leaned close to you. His hand tightened its grip on your arm. You felt an odd sense of dread as you shut your mouth, staring up at him with wide eyes.

Junho reached over and grabbed your free arm, tugging you back over. “Yah, I don’t know who you think you are, but I’m not going to allow you to manhandle my dongsaeng. Speak to him nicely.”

“Who I think I am?” Ye-Jun turned his attention over to Junho, standing up tall to look straight in the eye. Junho was only two inches taller than Ye-Jun but was carrying more muscle mass in comparison.

It wasn’t even that Ye-Jun didn’t have muscle. Junho was just a bit too buff for his own good.

You knew deep down in your heart Junho would certainly win the fight but judging by how unhinged Ye-Jun has been… you wouldn’t put it past him to act dirty.

“Junho Hyung…” You whispered, catching his attention. “It’s okay… I’ll talk to him in private.”

“I don’t think it’s smart to be alone with him.”

Ye-Jun scoffed. “Why? And you’re safer?”

“Yeah, I am. You haven’t been in his life for five years and only had him for nine months. What claim do you really have over him, Kim Ye-Jun? Do you really know him? Do you know Cho (Name)?”

You balked, wondering how Junho knew that but realized Yuki must’ve mentioned it in passing. It makes sense, Yuki told Junho everything. You should’ve been a bit angry at that but couldn’t help but be happy that Junho was indirectly speaking what you felt deep down inside.

Why was Ye-Jun so set on keeping you as if you’d known him for years?

Ye-Jun’s jaw clinched. “I know how it feels to be without him.” You looked over at him as he tightened his grip on your arm. “And I’m not going through that again.”

“You’re being pretty selfish, Kim Ye-Jun. Did you not even make him your boyfriend? You only realized how much you came to love him when he left?” Junho released your arm, frowning slightly.

“I am selfish. I never said I wasn’t. I want him for myself. It just took for him daring to leave me to truly realize that I can’t be without him.”

“Uhm.” You squeaked out, causing the two men to look down at you. Gosh, it felt so awkward being shorter than them that you only reached their chests. “I’ll be okay… Just let me talk to him so we can resolve our issue.”

Junho sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “Okay. You’re an adult. Call me if he does anything.”

You glanced over at Ye-Jun, seeing a slight smirk tugging on his lips. Can’t have him think you’re crawling back so easily.

“Thanks, Junnie Hyung!” You grinned, enjoying the sight of Ye-Jun’s smirk dropping in a millisecond. “I’ll have you on speed dial!”

Once you got the okay from Junho, Ye-Jun practically dragged you out of the building. You waved goodbye to Junho before trying to make Ye-Jun slow down.

Maybe Junho is right.

Kim Ye-Jun doesn’t seem safe in the slightest

❝ 단지 너의 외로움을 단래긴 싫거든 ❞

“A hotel? What? Am I not worthy enough to enter your home?” You laughed, allowing Ye-Jun to push you inside the hotel room. The room was fancier than anything you were used to. Black Rose must be making money.

Ye-Jun slammed the door shut behind him. He tugged off his jacket and tossed it on the ground, his feet heavy as he walked over to you.

“I didn’t take you home because I didn’t want to bother Roha with your screaming.” He said, grabbing your waist.

You blushed, staring up at him with wide eyes. “Screaming? You’re overly confident… Who’s to say I was going to sleep with you?”

Ye-Jun didn’t answer, leaning down as he began pressing kisses against your neck. You whimpered. Your hands gripping at his shirt as he nipped and bit at your skin.

“I don’t need to be confident. I know your body. I know I’m the only one who gets it.” His hands reached down and tugged at your shirt. You stared at him before raising your arms, letting him take off your shirt.

You tried to ignore the hungry look he gave you as he practically clawed at your jeans. Your voice was barely above a whisper, as if you were a bit too nervous to say it. “You act like you’re the only man that’s fucked me.”

His body froze, his eyes narrowing in on your face. You couldn’t help the cockiness that began to build within you at the look on his face.

“What? It was five years. Did you really think I was going to turn celibate because my first ever boyfriend… no, first ever fuck buddy allowed his friends to call me a slut? When asked what you liked about me, all you said was that I made you feel good about yourself.”

Ye-Jun’s eyebrows furrowed as he pulled away, tilting his head as if he was thinking about what you were saying. You sighed, rolling your eyes.

“You forgot? Forgot that you wouldn’t even call me your boyfriend? That I was annoying?!” You couldn’t help yourself, the past anger beginning to bubble up, ready to spill out. “Did those nine months mean anything to you? Or was I… was I just romanticizing our relationship?”

You sighed, rubbing your head. Your throat burned. Shit, were you really about to cry?

A laugh caught your attention as you looked up at Ye-Jun. “You’re laughing…?” You whispered, eyes widening. “You’re laughing after I just poured my heart out?!”

Ye-Jun hummed nonchalantly, tugging off his own shirt. “Yeah. You left me for that? For five years I thought I did something wrong but it was just you getting emotional.”

“Getting emotional?! Yah, Kim Ye-Jun—!”

“—Cho (Name).” His voice sharp. “That day, November 3rd, when I first saw you—I thought you were cute but stupid. Who would run head first into a busy intersection for a stupid umbrella? It was my luck that when I finished my service and you were at my university.”

The calm atmosphere around Ye-Jun made you feel uneasy as you watched him pull off his bracelet. He looked over at you and grinned.

“That first day I got to truly know you, I thought you were the most selfish annoying little shit ever. Me, Me, Me. That’s all you talked about—didn’t ask me any questions about myself.”

You frowned, throat tightening as you tried to fight back the tears welling in your eyes.

“But you know what made me come back? Guess, Jagi.”

“Sex…?”

“Jagiya… Don’t sell yourself so short.” Ye-Jun laughed, shaking his head. His hand reached over and grabbed the belt hoops of your jeans, pulling you flushed against his chest. You let out a shocked gasp. “I saw you. Outside at the college park, crying your eyes out. You looked so cute.”

You shuddered, glancing down as you felt his hand move to your button, pulling it loose.

“You saw me and then immediately ran over to me. Jumped into my arms without even asking me and just cried, begging for comfort.” Ye-Jun chuckled as if he was remembering the moment. “I almost pushed you off but you were cute… So cute. I liked seeing your face ruined with tears.”

“I don’t understand.” You whispered, unable to stop him as he slowly pulled down your zipper.

“I wanted you after seeing you cry and cling onto me. I’ll be honest, I was going to stop seeing you after we first fucked. But then you suddenly said I was your first time… that you didn’t want any other man to touch you.” He laughed. “But you didn’t seem to keep that promise, did you?”

Ye-Jun pushed you onto the bed, grabbing your jeans as he pulled them off. You whimpered, unable to move as you watch him stand tall over you. A small smirk pulled on his lips.

“Everyday, you practically threw yourself at me. So cute and innocent. Whiny in bed as you begged me to fuck you. Slowly you ruined me, Jagiya. I liked how overly dependent you were on me.”

A strangled gasp left your lips as the sound of fabric tearing filled the room. You looked down to see Ye-Jun’s hands tearing open your boxers, creating a hole right at your ass. It was practically ruined.

“I didn’t think at first to make us ‘official.’ My mistake, huh? I didn’t think you’d run off so quickly without speaking to me just because of other people.” His hand gripped at your thighs. “When you didn’t immediately text me back I knew something was wrong. But I tried to think that it’d be good to not have you up under me.”

He laughed, looking down at you. “It was lonely. The first night without you made me never want to be alone again. But you left me alone for five years. Jagiya, did you not think about how I’d feel?”

“But… You didn’t…”

“Didn’t what? Defend you? Is that what you want from me? To be your knight? I’ll be him. Anything to make you stay.”

You gasped, clutching the bedsheets as you’re suddenly flipped onto your stomach, back arched. It was silent for a moment before you felt something cool coat your ass. Your body flinched, a pained whimper leaving your throat.

“Who was it?”

“H..Huh..? Ngh!” You cried out, feeling two fingers sink inside your hole. There was no build up or even a second for you to get used to it. Ye-Jun began to pump his finger in and out, using his free hand to deliver a smack to your ass.

“Who was it? Yang Junho? Did he get to touch you?”

“N..No! No, never..!” You whined, crying at the repeated thrusting against your prostate. The fact he was able to find it so easily scared you. Why could he remember stuff about you after five years?

“Then who, Jagi?”

“Ngh…! It… Mmh!! Ah… Hah.. Y..Young-Jae Hyung…”

“Lee Young-Jae..?” Ye-Jun whispered, his thrusting suddenly slowing down. “You had sex with him?”

“Mhm…” You whined, missing the feeling despite the tears threatening to fall. “We.. We were bored during our trainee years and we couldn’t date so we just became fuck buddies for about a year or so.. Ngh.. We stopped when we met Dohyun Hyung because Jae Hyung caught feelings for him…”

“Only him?”

“…Uhm…”

“Jagi.”

“No… I… I slept with someone after that. But then I couldn’t do it anymore because I got so busy with our debut.”

“Who?”

“You wouldn’t know him. Why do you even care? You probably slept with people during these five years!”

Ye-Jun chuckled. “Mhm. I didn’t. Well, I tried at least.” His finger slipped out of your ass, both hands now spreading you open. “But no one could compare to the pretty face you make whenever you cum on my cock.”

You gasped as you were forced back onto your back and dragged so your lower half of your body hung off the bed. Ye-Jun tilted his head as he drank you on, a slow smile creeping on his lips.

“I missed see you like this. Scared and complainant to my touch. You didn’t fight me at all, Cho (Name). You still want me, don’t you?”

Your hands gripped at the bedsheets as you turned your head to the side, clamping your eyes shut. He only laughed.

“Keep pretending you hate me. I heard sex feels good with hate.” The sound of the zipper and his belt buckle made you flinch, legs instinctively clamping together. You were scared but made no real attempt to move away.

A strangled gasp left your throat as he began to slowly thrust inside of you. It had been up to a year at this point—you almost forgot how much it hurts the first time. Forgot about how big he was.

Ye-Jun groaned, his hands reached up to grab your wrists as he brought them together over your stomach. “Mhm. You still feel so good, Jagiya. How can I live without this?”

You whimpered, eyes shut tight as you feel tears threatening to fall. It was silent for a moment. Your hole repeatedly clenching around his cock as you tried to get used to the feeling. Just as you were about to feel just a smidge of calmness, Ye-Jun slammed into you.

The sound of skin slapping filled the room in tandem with your hiccuped gasps. Tears were freely flowing as your lips parted, trying to say something. You couldn’t even remember what you were going to say.

Your toes curled as the repeated thrusting got you to finally open your eyes and glance down.

Ye-Jun looked downright sinful. His gaze never left your face as his hips slammed into your ass. Hands tightening around your wrists. A smirk pulled on his lips when he noticed you were finally paying attention to him.

“You really are so cute.” He muttered, a crazed look in his eyes as he took you in. “You’re crazy for trying to deprive me of you, Cho (Name). I shouldn’t have let you leave so easily.”

“Ngh… Wh..! Mhm, you act… hah.. act like you could’ve stopped me..!” You managed to finally speak, though it was short lived when his cock finally grazed against your prostate. Ye-Jun moved his hands so only one held both your wrists while the other held your right leg up.

“Oh, you’re still able to talk.” He said, completely ignoring your comment. “Can’t have that.”

He pulled out, much to your dismay, and released his grip on your body. You looked at him with wide eyes, tears staining your face as you wondered what he was going to do. Ye-Jun hummed as he maneuvered you to rest on your stomach once more.

You grunted at the force. “Stop…! Manhandling me!” You whined.

Ye-Jun ignored you again, forcing you to bend your knees on the bed so he could force your ass up high. His hand slipped underneath your boxers and gripped the band. You wondered if he was going to finally just take them off when he thrusted his cock inside your slick hole.

A stuttered high pitched gasp left your throat as he began to repeatedly slam his hips against your ass. He tugged at the hand of boxers, forcing your body to move back on his cock whenever you attempted to pull away just for a second of clarity.

It was repeated attacks on your prostate. The squelching from the lube and the sounds of skin slapping together with the sound of your high pitched moans filled the hotel room. Shit, you were so sure you would be getting a complaint tomorrow.

“I have so many things I want to do to you, Jagiya. To make up for lost time. Because you aren’t ever leaving me again. But I’ll be nice tonight… You have a Japanese debut to prepare for.”

You only whimpered, trying to form some type of words but could only rest your head against the bed.

“But after, I’m going to make you feel the pain you made me feel when you left me for those five years. What happened at the festival was only a taste.”

Ye-Jun delivered a harsh smack to your ass as you let out a shocked gasp. You couldn’t think clearly anymore—just babbling nonsense as your cock rubbed against the bedsheets dejectedly.

You were so close… You hoped Ye-Jun would be kind enough to let you cum tonight.

It seems your prayers were answered as a hand suddenly wrapped itself around your cock. A appreciative mewl escaped you as he began to pump your cock in sync with his thrusting.

The pleasure became too much as a long cry left you as your body began to slump. Your cock squirted against the covers, messing up your stomach in the process. But Ye-Jun didn’t stop, he continued fucking you despite your whines of overstimulation.

His grunting got louder as his hand gripped your ass. You gasped when he slammed deep inside one last time, hips flushed against your ass you began to feel something hot coat your inner walls.

He didn’t wear a condom… You hadn’t even noticed. This was the first time you ever had sex without a condom. Your first ever creampie.

Of course, Kim Ye-Jun was the one to do it.

Your body slumped against the bed, falling onto your side as he pulled out. You couldn’t even complain, too tired to do anything beside sleep.

Ye-Jun leaned over your body and leaned down, pressing a kiss on your cheek. “Don’t sleep yet. You can’t sleep on the sheets.” He wrapped his arms around your legs and upper body, easily lifting you up.

You were in and out as he got a bath ready. Your eyes fluttering close just as he lowered you into the water. He flicked your forehead, jolting you awake as you whined.

“Wha…tsthatfor?” You whispered.

“You can’t fall asleep. I don’t want you to drown in the bath.”

You must’ve ended up falling asleep anyway because you awoke on the bed, dressed in a fluffy white bathrobe. It was dark in the room, only a little light shining through the cracks of the shades from the street lamps.

A hand tightened its grip on your waist as you looked over, seeing Ye-Jun’s face buried in your neck as he clung to your body. You managed to free one hand and reached over to check your messages on your phone.

Roha Hyung

↳ make sure that homosexual is back by 10 am, we have practice in the morning

Jun Jun Hyung

↳ Are you safe? Please make sure you’re safe. Text me in the morning.

Ki Ki Hyung

↳ when did you leave? Are you okay? You better be in your room by 8 am when I visit

Dohyunie Hyung

↳ please don’t come home until after 10 am!!!!! Stay in my room tonight!! PleSjheja!!!

Wonnie Hyung

↳ was I the only one that didn’t know Yuki and Junho are fucking?!? wtf??? Am I only the one who likes girls in this damn band?!??

Jae Hyung

↳ !!!! DOHYUN HYUNG IS SUCKING MY DICK!!!!

↳ IM SO FUCKING HIS ASS TONIGHT!!!!

↳ anyway don’t come home, we’re gonna fuck all night ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

You shut your phone off and gently placed it back on the nightstand. You’d deal with that mess in the morning.

Your body shifted as you glanced down at Ye-Jun.

Surely you didn’t think he was serious. He couldn’t be this obsessed with you after nine months.

Right?

Poor, naive Cho (Name).

❝ 시작해 버린 순간 못 헤어나올 걸 아니까 ❞

He thought he was seeing things that day.

Love Countdown’s Cho (Name). You stood right there in front of him. He almost ran over to you and hugged you so tight, hoping it wasn’t just a dream. You looked so cute with those heart freckles.

He didn’t think you’d debut in a band. He didn’t remember anything about you being able to play any instrument.

Roha would tell him of course he didn’t. He only knew you for nine months. That wasn’t enough time to get to know someone that well. Especially someone like you who seemed unable to talk about anything besides your family drama or love for Ye-Jun.

Ye-Jun almost thought you just looked oddly similar to his (Name). Until Lee Young-Jae called your name. Until he saw how you looked at him with fear but also some type of love? Like you also wanted to just run into his arms.

No matter.

He was used to having total control of the relationship. He should’ve never allowed you to just take control so suddenly. You broke the relationship without even talking to him.

He’d get you back. No matter what. Because you were his.

Even if you didn’t know that.

@BRkim_yejun started following @TheRealLoveCountdown

❝ 점점 멈추기 힘들어 갈 수록 중독돼 ❞

…. Don’t make fun of me, this wasn’t supposed to be so long lmfao. Anyway don’t even ask, I’ll be using Ye-Jun again and make a part two in future. He’s too toxic to pass up on

Tag list: @the-ultimate-librarian @chill-guy-but-cooler @kiiyoooo @star-3214 @tehyunnie @flurrina @ofclyde @iwishtobeacrow @love-kha1 @mooncarvers-world @smellwell @tomoeroi @remdayz @cherry-blossoms-187 @rhetorical-conscience @mello-life25

Translations:

ㅎㅎㅎ (하하하) — hahaha

ㅋㅋㅋㅋ (크크크크) — LOL

ㄷ ㄷ (떨딸) — trembling

❝ 목이 메어 ❞ — my throat is tight

❝ 매달려 봤는데 상처 발더러고 ❞ — I clung onto that person, and I ended up getting hurt

귀여워, 자기야… 셀키 더 찍어 주세요… 뽀뽀하고 싶어요 ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ — cute, baby. Please take more selfies!! I wanna kiss you, lolol

❝ 진지하진 않잖아 가벼운 간보기잖아 ❞ — you’re not being serious, it’s just a test, isn’t it?

❝ 이러면 안 되는데 머리론 아는데 ❞ — I shouldn’t be like this, I know in my mind

나는 너를 먹고 싶어…!! 왜 그렇개 귀여워? ㄷㄷ — I wanna eat you. Why are you so cute? *shaking*

죽을래, 새끼야!!! — do you wanna die, son of a bitch (this is where sae kki ya came from)

❝ 거기 멈춰 줄래 빠지기 싫어 싫어 싫어 ❞ — please stop right there, I don’t don’t don’t want to fall for you

❝ 단지 너의 외로움을 단래긴 싫거든 ❞ — I don’t only want to soothe your loneliness

❝ 시작해 버린 순간 못 헤어나올 걸 아니까 ❞ — because from the moment it starts, I know I can’t break free

❝ 점점 멈추기 힘들어 갈 수록 중독돼 ❞ — it’s getting harder to stop, I’m getting more addicted to you

Songs used — 121u by Day6 and sOng Of ice and fire by OnlyOneOf

[awinchestershell]

I’m not sure how it still manages to surprise me after all this time, the depths of the selfishness and cruelty of human greed. 

I remember the day One Direction was formed. I remember how nervous they all were, how young and excited and wide-eyed about the possibilities being tossed into their laps. They truly had no idea what was in front of them. 

They were so small, and they had such big dreams that barely fit inside them, and it was so beautiful watching them achieve them. 

I remember watching them become more and more jaded over time, that childish wonder being torn away as the reality around them became more apparent. I remember hundreds upon thousands of tweets and tumblr posts from worried fans about how exhausted they seemed, something in their eyes just not feeling right anymore. 

The day Zayn left the band the world seemed to stop. I couldn’t tell you how many young girls on my social media pages I saw wailing in what at the time seemed like the worst pain this band could ever put us through.

God, how wrong we were. 

It seemed so obvious, even at the time, that there was something more going on. It wasn’t like they were trying to hide it. 

Then Zayn wrote his book and spoke about how much he’d struggled in the band, and for the first time one of the boys had publicly acknowledged how hard it was to be One Direction. And he was still barely scratching the surface.

The band breaks up, or ‘goes on hiatus’, and again it feels like the worst thing they could do. How much harder of a hit can we take? What more is there to lose?

And yet again, it’s so obvious that there’s more going on then they’re saying. They all seem so worn out, downright miserable at times, yet they never stop the grind. They never take a day off. They never sleep. 

Slowly, they start to talk about the reality of being a child star. Of being sixteen years old and handed the world on a silver platter, money and fame and all the things that no one ever even touches in their wildest dreams, and they’re not even out of high school yet. 

They talk of being locked up in hotel rooms for days at a time with nothing to entertain them but the mini bar. Feeling trapped, being a prisoner to their own success. They talk of schedules so busy they shouldn’t be possible, never seeing their own families, cameras in their faces at the most vulnerable moments of their lives.

They begin to write what they really feel. We finally get a peek into their real thoughts instead of what some bighead in a suit is telling them to think.

They write of real love, feeling lonely, feeling sad, feeling scared, feeling on top of the world, toxic romances that you know are toxic but you stay anyway because you don’t want to be alone, happiness so overwhelming you lose your mind, grief, exploring, running free, coming home, friendship, drugs, sex, all the best and worst parts of being alive. 

They write what they feel, and what they know. They express themselves. 

They find their own paths. We worry, of course we worry. But it’s an honor and a joy watching them find themselves in their music.

We convince ourselves that they’ll come together one day. Not even for a tour, because they’ve changed too much and so have we, but for a charity show, or someone’s birthday, or an anniversary. 

And then TMZ takes a photo.

And now we know that Zayn leaving and the band breaking up meant nothing at all.

It’s a fascinating thing, really. How you can spend years of your life not really thinking of someone anymore and then they’re gone and suddenly they’re all you can think of. 

I never left. I’ve known these boys as long as they’ve known each other. But I’ve seen so many people in the last week see this news and have years of memories come rushing back to them. A whole lifetime of love and joy and community just gone.

It’s a brutal, miserable blow to the most innocent part of you. The part that believes in the goodness of humanity, in the pure joy of creation, being a part of something bigger than yourself. 

All of the jokes, the laughter, the music, the friendship. It’s all just gone.

And the worst part is it didn’t have to happen.

A completely, hilariously avoidable tragedy. 

He’s gone because humanity hates itself. Because we are greedy and cruel. Because a management company exploited those five young boys for money and power until they couldn’t anymore, making sure to torment them along the way. Because men with cameras have to leech off of every vulnerable moment celebrities have, using and abusing their suffering for a quick buck.

Because the anonymous, mindless drones on social media think that their opinion is the only one that deserves to be heard. And that they decide who deserves to live or die. That it’s appropriate to send someone death threats and tell them to burn in hell, and then post jokes and celebratory tweets about them after they’ve killed themself. 

Because TMZ thinks that taking a picture of a man’s dead body and leaking it to the press before his mother has even gotten the call that he’s dead is good journalism. 

This is why he’s gone. 

THis is why there will be another Liam Payne after him. This is why we will never, ever be okay. Because humanity sees a senseless, unnecessary tragedy, and they point and laugh. And they ask how they can make money off of it.

Because we are broken. Fractured down to our core. And there is no fixing us. Not anymore. 

The media took a sweet, funny, bright-eyed 16 year old boy and they sucked all the life out of him. They turned him into a soulless cash cow, they took him for all he had, and when he had nothing left to give they abandoned him. 

And now that he’s gone they’re turning his death into a circus. Instead of allowing him the dignity of dying in peace, surrounded by the love and privacy he deserves, they’ve robbed him of even that.

When a mother is left resorting to begging the internet to not post filth of her child’s dead father so he won’t have to grow up and see it one day, and a crowd of teenage girls are forced to raise their hands up to block cameras from filming a man as he collects the belongings of his dead son, we’re left wondering how we got here. 

Ask yourself just how much of your soul you have left, and if the answer is any at all, how much are you willing to sacrifice to continue playing a part in this nightmare? 

[shiveringgroovy]

coming off anon to feed you more headcanon asks

you answered an ask about social medias but heres for the real good stuff

fandom headcanons? who watches what, who reads, who is blissfully unaware of the community they're surrounded by, etc

jesus christ i'm going insane for this one. started this in april uhm hi chat i'm alive again (october)

ATSUSHI

doesn't participate in fandom spaces tbh

but he's into some old-school games

don't ask me why i think this but he's an emulator guy

DAZAI

HOMESTUCK. HE WAS IN THE HOMESTUCK FANDOM NO I DO NOT TAKE CRITIQUE

crazy into it too. keyboard warrior about it. ranpo was there

bless his heart

YOSANO

cult classic films !!

really into the craft, kill bill, maybe the scream franchise ? also perchance saw but not after the third movie

doesn't participate in online fandom spaces because she has better media literacy than everyone else

RANPO

homestuck and hetalia

need i say more

KYOUKA

saw because yosano got her into it. (her favorite is saw 3 because yuri)

and sanrio. ik it's a common headcanon but i think it fits !!!

loves a lot horror films/franchises but saw, the exorcist, and alien are her favs

also i think she likes cheesy shoujo romance anime!!!

HIGUCHI

you can't tell me she's not a himefujoshi on ao3 and tumblr

into tons of animes and shows

writes insane comments on ao3 too. many an author has questioned her sanity

has gotten into proship discourse before

she also like vocaloid, her favorite is megurine luka and has visceral reactions when you call teto a vocaloid

CHUUYA

be fr he would not give a shit about fandoms

dazai tried to get him into some of the stuff he liked as a teen but it never worked

he watched breaking bad though i guess

GIN

they loveee the scream franchise

has a ghostface mask they post pictures with from time to time

does not play at ALL about stu/billy

TACHIHARA

also into scream

really likes video games as well!! legend of zelda and the elder scrolls WHOA WHO SAID THAT

LOUISA

she's a fujoshi. draws yaoi on her plans

only really into fluffy stuff

tumblr girlie for SURE. hides her account like drugs even though it's just fluffy bl manga and art

NIKOLAI

he's a horror fiend and lurks online for content because duh

watches heavy gore/body horror films like it's instagram reels

i think he tries to keep his digital footprint clean for obvious reasons but if he sees a take so bad he'll tell op to die brutally

he's totally that guy to say "this is MILDDD" to the people he's watching american psycho with. he's an ass about his preferences sorry

SIGMA

they have better things to do ???

TERUKO

idk how to explain it but she's really into nana, tomie, uzumaki, and other darker/grittier manga/anime

and yuri/gl. she doesn't play about her toxic screwed up yuri

she seems like a whump fan. fucking up that dead dove with her hunting dog teeth

[nohrianseneschal]

Paradise Kiss: A Lesson on Dreams and Being Happy (heavy spoilers) Part 1

Thanks to this totally random tweet about anime endings, I'm reminded of an old shoujo manga flame of mine from the early 2000s: Paradise Kiss, nicknamed ParaKiss by its mangaka and fans. In stereotypical Ai Yazawa fashion (baddum tss), this manga revolves around a hopelessly flawed yet peak relatable girl undergoing the trials and tribulations of self-discovery. It just so happens that the setting takes place in a generic, average-sized town in Japan, and it just so happens that this town is home to an eclectic ensemble cast of aspiring fashionistas and designers. And it also just so happens that this cast is at a crossroads: their 3rd year in high school. Yukari was initially on the conventional path of graduating with top marks and entering into a prestigious university. By the time we get to the 2nd chapter of the manga, we see Yukari cast all her mother's dreams aside to become a model in the cutthroat fashion industry.

We begin with our protagonist Yukari, who is enrolled in an elite private high school. She spends her days studying for college entrance exams, but early on, we discover that her hard work is very extrinsically motivated. Specifically, her mother has had an iron-clad grip on her life, and if not for a chance encounter on the street, Yukari would've continued on in this way. Living without living. Doing things that don't make her happy or give her any meaning -- a shell for others' aspirations and desires.

As I said, a chance encounter brings her to the hole-in-the-wall atelier, which was an antique bar rennovated into an... well, atelier for fashionistas attending the local art school. Yukari has been scouted by one of the students to model for their upcoming fashion show in the school's Culture Festival. Although she vehemently opposes the idea at first, Yukari decides to model for them, after witnessing firsthand the extent of their conviction and earnestness of their efforts.

I am deliberately downplaying George's role in here, because I do think future readers should get to know George (the manga's romantic lead and 90s toxic boy) at their own pace and through Yukari's perspective. Describing him would remove some of the magic that is necessary to experience through Yukari's besotted eyes, and Yazawa does a great job staging the cognitive dissonance Yukari herself feels when she's around George. What you should know right away is that George is the de facto leader of the Atelier group and designer behind the label Paradise Kiss. It is his word that becomes the final voice in asking Yukari to model, and it is his intoxicating presence that drives her to join them.

All this to say, that there's a reason -- I think -- that ParaKiss, out of many other Shoujo or even Shounen romances of the 2000s, is still the only one being reprinted. Its 20th-anniversary edition was reprinted back in 2019. In the wake of Nana's permanent hiatus (Yazawa's more popular manga), ParaKiss's fandom is alive and well. More and more people are discovering it, thanks to the reductively short anime adaptation making its way to streaming services. The promise of a (very satisfying) conclusion provides a healing balm of sorts for deluded Nana fans, and the story in its entirety holds its own as a romance masterpiece. The art style, the fashion, the romance, and the writing are all top scorers, but something about ParaKiss remains startlingly unique despite more than 20 years passing us by. Very few shoujo manga dare to try what Yazawa has done with this story, and very few shoujo manga do it so seamlessly -- devoid of the mandatory witticisms and marvelizations so common in today's media. ParaKiss is honest. Brutally honest. Yukari's inner monologues and expressions anticipate what the audience is thinking, not because she's so clever but because we can all relate to her. We've all made that mistake we can't help making. We've all watched ourselves undergo the consequences of our stupid actions, with nothing but self-pity to help us weather the storm. And all of us have known the beauty of believing the world is full of limitless possibilities, and we've tasted the bittersweet revelation that limitations do exist, and that's okay.

In other words, you don't have to be an intellect to enjoy and feel the takeaways of ParaKiss. The mangaka isn't trying to wink and nudge you into believing you're a smart consumer, because Yukari's story (or perhaps, Yukari herself) speaks of a hurt deeper than narrative conflict. Her hurt comes from one's first love, whatever or whoever it may be. First love isn't always romance (although it's a huge part of Yukari's story in ParaKiss). First love is the feeling that everything is new and ripe for discovery. First love is the disappointment that this period of discovery is finite, but you're so much stronger and better for having gone through it, brief as it may be. That is Paradise for Yukari: first love as the Edenic coming-of-age journey she needed to become who she is meant to be.

Many fans and critics agree that Paradise Kiss is a story about one's first love, and how you can have an impactful romance without it ending into a happily ever after. Of course I agree with this take. George is the 2nd protagonist, no question. His presence, actions, and personality catalyze the journey of self-discovery that Yukari finds in her last year of high school.

That said, I don't think enough attention has been paid to the other first love Yukari goes through: the world of fashion. Indeed, the story begins and ends with Yukari's time in the fashion world - her first thrills of modeling and her final, bittersweet acceptance of its inevitable end. This part of the story is so underhanded yet profoundly philosophical, I'm surprised discussions of fashion have become afterthoughts in any serious commentary of ParaKiss.

It's worth noting that Yukari doesn't exactly have insecurities directly related to her physical appearance. It's probably the most unrelatable part of her. When people comment on her beauty, she doesn't deny it, but she doesn't affirm it. We're meant to see and understand Yukari's natural beauty as a fact of her life, like the color of her hair or her height. She even brags about being able to stay skinny no matter how much she eats, which is the closest I came to hating a shoujo protagonist to be honest. Rather, her feelings of self-inadequacy stem from her immaturity, lack of style, and overall lack of self-confidence. In other words, when she starts the story believing her crush on classmate Tokumori is hopeless, she reasons, "Tokumori won't go for girls like me." Yukari doesn't mean she's too ugly for him. She means she's too inferior; too stupid; too 'uncool' for someone she perceives as the ideal. Even when she swiftly moves on to George and sets her sights on him, Yukari's feelings of worthlessness influence her behavior and decisions in the relationship, ultimately affecting how George himself treats her.

If Yukari's psyche sounds incoherent, it is and it isn't. It's realistically incoherent. Women are socially conditioned to find themselves inadequate in some way, and that self-perception is ultimately dictated by how men receive and project it back. This is the genius of ParaKiss. Whether or not you relate, this facet of Yukari's personality is an apt observation on what it means to be a woman as a high schooler, and I don't think it's an accident that prior to meeting the ParaKiss fashion team, Yukari's self-worth came entirely from her mother. For Yukari, growing up and leaving the nest means learning your place in the world in relation to men, and perhaps that's why Yukari's first love is riddled with so much pain, beauty, and joy.

In this cut-out of a panel, Yukari finally asks herself the question that must be in the fore of everyone's minds: 'What am I to George?' What is she to the man she considers the most important to her? What are we in relation to men? It takes Yukari 6 months to figure out that she doesn't need George to answer the first part of that question. By the time the series ends, Yukari is able to ask the same question without George.

These romantic pitfalls and triumphs become more meaningful when you realize this occurs in the context of breaking out into the fashion industry. Similar to Eve in Milton's Paradise Lost, Yukari looks at a mirror and discovers herself. She falls in love with that image. She falls in love with what fashion (not George!) reflects back at her -- a confident, cool woman who can don all sorts of masks and clothes.

When she asks a veteran model for advice on how to walk the runway, the model cryptically replies, "Just tell yourself you're the most beautiful woman in the world." This is a hurdle for the likes of Yukari, whose low self-esteem has prevented her from truly being alive prior to the events of the story. When she does walk down that runway, fully confident and basking in the crowd's reaction to her beauty, Yukari finally understands what it means. Telling yourself you're the most beautiful woman in the world is akin to believing yourself a woman; akin to believing yourself a woman worth existing and hogging the spotlight, without a man to justify it. Yukari might have been wearing clothes that George designed, but one can argue that the dress would not exist without Yukari. Indeed, he designed it with her face and body in mind. Yukari herself inspires the art George believes he's creating, and Yukari herself embodies and imparts the meaning of that art for the audience when she walks down the runway.

Thanks to the fashion show and Yukari's success, George himself realizes he cannot design for ready-to-wear clothing lines. Yukari too discovers that modeling isn't something she can just do. It's something she can work hard at, succeed, fail, and still enjoy. Unlike the grind of studying endlessly for exams she'll never pass, Yukari finds fulfillment in trying and failing in the fashion industry, and this self-realization lets her redefine what it means to succeed and fail, as we all come to understand by the end of the manga.

Given that Ai Yazawa studied fashion, it's no surprise that clothing, design, and the industry's connections are all important for Yukari's coming-of-age. Modeling and wearing George's clothes aren't all butterflies and roses. As we later see by the end of the manga, fashion leaves Yukari feeling dehumanized at times, which Yukari outright states in an inner monologue by calling herself a 'doll.' The liberating potential of modeling becomes a prison, in the right context. When another woman -- particularly one who rejects modeling or being a man's muse and instead aims to be a designer herself -- enters George's life, Yukari feels helpless. The autonomy she gained by modeling bites back in a mocking display of her own shallow disregard for other women's agency. Indeed, she acts vile toward Kaori (the aspiring designer in question), solely because she's threatened by how George sees her as an equal. The potential of self-fulfillment comes crashing down when the implication here is that, as his muse and model, Yukari will never be his equal.

I'm going to take a second and point out how brilliant this brief love triangle is on the part of Ai Yazawa. We are so used to shoujo protagonists who are sweet, understanding, and unfailingly good. Yukari is a surprise, to say the least. She's not afraid to be mean and flaunt her beauty to intimidate her competition, and at the same time, she's not afraid to own up to her faults and wallow in self-pity when humbled. Although George is the intermediary in the love triangle, you can also see how the fashion industry itself pits women against each other. Yukari can't measure up to Kaori, the talented and mature designer with true compassion for her peers and classmates. The culture festival led Yukari to believe that she, as their model, takes center stage, but with the show over, her status as model reduces to her one of the many cogs that prop up designers' creativity and will. If God is the designer in this paradise, then Eve is just a shell of and for his designs, just as Yukari recedes to a doll when George no longer respects her. Life, it seems, is difficult for a fashion model who seeks to affirm her existence and purpose in a world that devalues such traits in the first place.

Spoilers: George and Yukari's relationship lasts only 6 months, but Yukari's relationship with fashion lasts much longer: 10 years. In the manga's epilogue, Yukari is nearing retirement, and she mentions 'plateauing' in her career as a model. Although as a teenager she aspired to be a world class super model, her work only takes her to other cities in Japan, and she is content to end less with a bang and more like a firm sense of dignity and pride at her work.

It's also no shocker that, rather than confirm her retirement, the manga ends with an announcement of her engagement and imminent marriage to her Tokumori, her high school crush and classmate. The last panels mock the sense that first loves are more powerful than the present love they experience (which is so amazing and Part 2 will be about that), and while these lighthearted panels tell us it's a joke, you can easily see how those words apply to Yukari's love affair with fashion.

Her crush and first love spur her to 10 years of a successful career. Perhaps she never realized her ambitions of modeling in the West, but she nevertheless finds and declares herself successful. This is what first love is. You might start out believing it needs to be 'happily ever after,' but you can end it and grow and realize that 'remembered ever after' is just as good, for the role it had in your life and your growth.

Yukari isn't just telling us the story of her first love with George. She's also telling us the story of how she fell in love with herself through fashion, and how her job as a model helped her live the many lives she otherwise would've never experienced if she had stayed on her mother's preplanned course.

Fashion isn't just about the clothes, the romance, or the glamorous lifestyles. Fashion is looking back and basking in being looked at. Fashion is making meaning out of how others perceive you, and fashion can be a cruel reminder that those meanings are already preordained and predetermined. Yukari doesn't necessarily fight against that. She embraces it all and learns from it.

I'm going to stop here, because I don't think an essay about ParaKiss and first love is complete without talking about George's own implied ending and Tokumori's constant presence in the beginning, middle, and end of Yukari's story. There's still so much to say, so I'll save it for Part 2. For now, let me conclude with the argument that Paradise Kiss is so unique in so many ways. It takes on the typical rhythms and beats of a shoujo manga, but it also embraces the flaws, ugliness, and messiness of love as it manifests in romance and fashion. You can't appreciate and love ParaKiss without understanding how Yazawa carefully crafts and packages a coming-of-age story into a seemingly typical love story. To use the jargon of the trade, we come into ParaKiss believing the firm and distinct boundary separating haute couture from ready-to-wear. Fashion is both, and to fall in love with it is beautiful.

[fcb-mv33]

Hii Red Anon here again ❤️

You and that other Anon making me blush ☺️.

Don’t get me wrong I only started watching F1 at the end of 2020, and 2021 fully made me watch and the passion Max would drive that Redbull I can honestly see why my brother is a big fan of Max, I got the subscription of F1 Tv to watch back on past races (being from England and watching Sky 🫠) I watched Max’s first win in Spain and they way he kept Kimi behind him, no one can take away Max’s accomplishments, I see comments like FIA in Jos pockets and I’m like huh 🫠 really 😂, it’s time for the Youngsters to shine now it’s a new era of racers.

Out of the Sky commentators I really like Jenson he’s never bias he will call out Lewis and Max and give detailed discussions why, Naomi sometimes I’m like yessss and others I’m like really (the Max, George Baku debate), Martin I’m so/so with him I seen past races when he’s like I’m a big fan of Max.

As a journalist/Commentator you have to be neutral over everything even if you like that person.

The reason why I came with the receipts is because we all know people would bash me and say that I’m lying (google is there for a reason).

Yuki may be my favourite driver but I will cheer Max on and honestly the Max fans I’ve seen on here are so respectful, and the way they defend him and the F1 drivers, the Lewis fans on here well I’ve only seen a very fair few that like Max.

The bullying and abuse Max gets is horrible and wrong, the racist abuse Lewis gets is horrible both should never get that and I look at these people on Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr and I’m like why would you do this you cyber bully someone how would you like it if someone you know, your kid, your sibling got cyber bullied or if in the future they get called by their kids school saying that their kid is cyber bullying people and their kid turns round saying you did it honestly i do not get people.

Yes the drivers say things that makes you question them, yes you may dislike a driver that’s fine but why abuse them on social media, when I saw them fans in Miami flipping Max off and telling him to Fu*k Off I’m like you’ve spent £1,000+ on tickets just to do that wtf.

I will fully defend Max no matter what he’s done nothing but put his life into racing.

I would absolutely love for Max to win Brazil and Sliverstone and Mexico this year just to spite all the Lewis British and Brazilian fans and even the toxic Checo fans.

Kinda wish this year I was sitting with all the Max fans at Sliverstone.

Hopefully next year I get to see a race 😁



F1tv has honestly been a blessing. I’ve watched the full seasons since 2015 when Max joined and even in 2015 he was genuinely a joy to watch, annoying the living life out of everyone (except Nando) for being 17. People comment sometimes saying he’s a paid driver but when you do a deep dive into his stats as a child I mean Jesus they are so so impressive and also no amount of pull could get a 17 year old into a car if he wasn’t insanely talented. Which Max is.

I fully don’t like any of the commentators except Jenson. They have chatted so much shit since Baku and the start of the season. Constantly acting like Max is ruining the sport, is a spoilt child when he’s just Max. They choose to be ignorant of who he is, the way he is and the talent he is because he’s not British and it’s a shame. I swear the amount of times I’ve seen them trying to say George would match Max is literally criminal.

Honestly I’ve really strong opinions on the hate Max gets and how it’s seen as basically okay. It’s been that way since 2021 when Merc and lh would send their fans to abuse Max but give out about the booing or cheers in 2022 when they sat by and said nothing about their fans week in week out wishing death on Max, his gf, his mother, his sister and her two little boys. The hate Max gets is according to some “deserved” all because he destroyed Merc in 2021. He out drove Lewis in 70% of the time when Merc didn’t take him out. I think the abuse not being called out is fucking vile and that’s why I constantly call it out.

[uncomfortable-truthz]

People aren’t as happy as their posts make them seem.

Uncomfortable Truth #5

We’ve all done it before… went on our social media pages and seen a post from someone we know or knew. We see that in their posts they look amazing. They have a huge toothy grin and look happier and more fabulous than ourselves. We then start comparing ourselves and our lives to each post they have posted. We see that they go on vacations, That they look expensive, that they are always happy, that their life seems perfect, that they fart rainbows and butterflies, and they have a ton of friends and followers. Then we look at our life. We see that we still have on the same ugly grey pajamas with the cat eating a taco on the front of the shirt and it’s 4:00 in the afternoon. We have a piece of popcorn stuck in our hair from a late night Netflix binge watching session. We see no boyfriend, no girlfriend, just us. We see our bland boring basic ass surroundings and suddenly we feel smaller, less than, almost insignificant compared to them.

Maybe we get a little upset maybe we cry and ask out loud “what makes them so speacial?!” We think terrible inexplicable thoughts like, “they weren’t even pretty before they got braces.” Or, “If they knew what she did in Jr. High school they wouldn’t like her as much.” And on and on…and on. We tear them down piece by piece until we run out of insults. We may even call up a friend and have them join in with us. Is it childish? Yes extremely toxic. Does it really make us feel better? Um… well yeah for about 2-5 mins. But after all of that what’s left? Just us, sulking around in our old ugly ass pajamas. “So what is the better solution?”, you ask. I can tell you but you’re not gonna like it.

The solution is to live and let live. Keep living your life the way you want to live it. If you have things you don’t like about yourself then fix them. You are the one in the driver’s seat. Therefore, it is only you who can fix what you feel is missing. It might not happen overnight. It could take weeks, months, years. But it is fixable, and if it truly isn’t then accept it and only surround yourself with people that accept you for you. But tearing people down to feel better or more equal to them is definitely not the way to go about living your best life. Think about it like this, people only post what they want the public to see. They put on the happiest, sexiest, most financially successful appearing face to the public. It’s like wearing a mask. They put on the mask and smile big while the camera flashes, and then they remove the mask and return to something more real. Stop comparing yourself to something that isn’t real. Life is messy, it’s filled with some mistakes, some tears, and some ugly grey pajamas with the cat eating a taco on the front of your shirt…. Just me? But it’s also filled with smiles, and hugs, and all the little things that mean something to you. Even if those little things aren’t always social media post worthy material, they still contribute to all the things that make you… you. And I say you should love that shit! Love all the shit in your life that makes you feel alive. Let the social media king or queen continue living her or his life, and you live for you. When you live honestly and proudly without a mask on that’s when you know it doesn’t matter anymore. It doesn’t matter if someone looks better, has nicer things, or doesn’t have a home because they are always on vacation.

Stop living for the likes on social media, stop comparing your life to others, stop being mad at others for seeming to have their shit together, stop the hate, stop the insecurities, just stop. Because baby, you are a superstar even if your fan club only has 1 member. You are the star of your own show. So go out there and be a star and shine until you make people go blind with your greatness. And if you have the time….maybe change out of your grey pajamas with the taco eating cat on the front, or fuck it, keep wearing them anyways and shine on! You are the star of your own show.

You deserve the world. Just saying.

[cheemscakecat]

I also think Gen Z [outside of narcissistic/ignorant people] is becoming more aware of the toxicity in social media and the effect on children. And we’re wanting to protect the next generations, including our kids.

The Gen Alpha kids who have no patience for learning have basically been given their own iPads or phones from the time they were learning to speak. Some of that was because of Covid, but there are plenty of Millenial parents who would have done this anyway.

But Gen Z was already traumatized in our middle/high school years by all the adult content available that our parents didn’t know about; many assuming that the internet was still a learning tool first and foremost. We were the ones traumatized by gory, sexual, and swear-filled parodies, comics and shipping pieces made about MLP, FNAF, and multiple kids shows like Gravity Falls. We understand what modern Content Farms are going to do to the toddlers and children who end up watching it.

And we’re also the ones watching ignorant people with the worst political and social takes [on both sides] spew their brain dead beliefs on Tik Tok, X and other platforms like they’re modern philosophers with all the answers. Including people who paint everything beige whether it belongs to their child or not, Van life influencers, “family” channels, only fans women, and men with millionaire/alpha male pyramid schemes.

For the Gen Z who are planning to have kids, it doesn’t make sense to expose our children to this madness and let them end up the same way as us or Gen Alpha. Our kids, Gen Beta will be born between 2025 and 2039. And personally, I’m looking forward to being a mother and exposing my kids to something worth watching, like old cartoons that had censorship rules and morals.

That, and we understand how predatory modern Apps are when it comes to time wasting and in-app purchases. I still struggle with my own internet addiction, but it’s getting better. Hopefully someday the internet will have some sort of regulations for these addictive practices, but it will probably take decades.

something i have noticed lately: as a collective, a lot of gen z are simply getting tired of their phone

[foraging-my-bliss]

This week, I’v been trying o find small pockets of joy through consuming a little bit of media and hopping back into an old hobby. I usually don’t like to watch much tv. When i do watch something, it’s usually some type of slow icing vlog on YouTube. Which, though i o really enjoy, I wanted to shake things up a bit. So i binged the first season of “school spirits.” I honestly really liked it! I’ve been needing something spooky to hold m over til’ Halloween. Something new that wasn’t one of my usual comfort spooky shows (chilling adventures of Sabrina. & Penny dreadful.) I really enjoyed getting to know each character’s back story. I especially loved Wally’s character. An as an 80’s high school jock, I expected one thing , from old hon Hugh’s movies, and got something maybe adjacent but much more wholesome. He’s a bit of a himbo for sure but he’s incredibly sweet and does his best to lift up our protagonist whenever he can. I enjoyed seeing his moments of insecurity as well as his moments of incredible confidence. He definitely had golden retriever energy.

The other thing i have been consuming is books. Well, one book so far. I am a slow reader after all. But I recently picked up “My Sweet Audrina” by VC Andrews. My mom had been a big VC Andrews fan in the 80’s and early 90’s when i was very young. I remember those books being scattered in various parts of the house or in the car with their fascinating covers. I couldn’t quite read yet but I was very interested in what those books might hold. I started with (and so far have only finished) flowers in the attic. I loved it and immediately but the full set on kindle to read on my phone. Though I’m still flipping my way through book two in that series , It’s Audrina’s story that currently has me in a choke hold. In the Whitefern mansion, live a somewhat unwillingly melded family. Damian Adare, the narcissistic head of the house hold, his beautiful wife, Luccietta Adare and thier daughter, Audrina…. The second f her name , preceded by her older sister “The first and best Audrina” who died prior to our protagonist’s birth. Our current Audrina is Damian’s attempt at recreating , so to speak, his first perfect daughter. With this family,lives Ellsbeth Whitefern, Luccietta’s older sister, and her own daughter, Vera, Audrina’s older cousin but about 3 years. Vera is the character I grew most fascinated and most sympathetic towards during this book. She’s a hateful , spiteful girl without really being spoiled. She’s hated by pretty much everyone in the house. Luccietta tolerates her, her mother , Ellsbeth, does her best to raise her but grows more and more Frustrated as Vera grows into a wild raging teenager. And Damian straight up treats her like garbage. Audrina is the only one who tries to be civil with Vera in spite of Vera constantly antagonizing her. In the start of the book, Vera attempts to win Damian’s fatherly affections by doing little things for him that might please him, dressing nicely, acting proper, but once sh realizes she will never get the fatherly type love she hopes for from the man of the house, she acts more spitefully towards him and Audrina. There’s a bit of a secret behind vera’s birth which, might be obvious after reading this, but I’ll still hold on to the spoiler for anyone new to the book. Watching Vera spiral into her self , becoming more wicked towards Audrina for what seems like no reason, becomes almost heart breaking (to me) when you realize why she act this way. The girl has always felt unwanted by her whole family. I wold probably be pretty toxic too if i felt that much animosity towards me in my own home. I’m not done with the book yet. I stil have half of the book left and look forward to reading more..

My last bit to write about it my old picked up hobby. Crocheting. I’ve been working on this one huge blanket on and off for the past 12 years. It’s incredibly long and made up of a mixture of different yarns. I think it’s coming out beautifully. I often get bored with it eventually or run out of yarn and us take forever to go by new yarn. But in this moment, I enjoy watching things on my iPad while adding onto the blanket. I hope I eventually do finish the full blanket. I have made it long enough to wrap around myself completely during depressive episodes. i love how soft each skein i have picked is and the colors make me happy.

Here’s to more foraging for bliss.

[anonil88]

Euphoria fans are popping out very weirdly after episode 5 of season 2.

Not gonna lie the things people, who are fans of the show, are saying about Rue and some of the other characters but especially Rue that are so malicious makes me so sick to my stomach. Its wayyy more triggering to me some of these takes about Rue episode 5 last night. To see someone say Rue deserves to be trafficked because she pushed her mom and her sister when spiraling made me teary eyes. If Rue wasn't an addict and it was just one of her other mental illnesses some people would have a very different tone but they don't. I say some because some honestly would say she did it to herself no matter what because they don't think mental illness is real. There are Zendaya stans who completely ignore Zendaya's post on Instagram and are saying the worst things about Rue.

The Jules hate was bad in season 1 but its so much worse and a lot more transphobic now within the fandom. It's disgusting the way people are taking their dislike of Jules and commenting horrid things that aren't a joke to Hunter. In season 1 initial airing nobody was out here saying that Jacob deserved to die or making inappropriate edits of his body. But with Hunter apparently its okay to misgender her and call her unprofessional even though it is just a rumor. I remember people said when they watched season 1 during March quarantine way after it aired that Jules was the real villian not Nate and even Sam said woah hold on now. Zendaya and Hunter said we need to do something so that these viewers are still attached to these characters but also see Jules as a person. I do get that some of the questionable writing in season 2 has made Jules' sea blob special murky, but that's still a 17 year old who has her own life to live. Which is not to be Rue's enabling service pixie dream girlfriend. But now when the character does the right thing by getting an adult involved she's now a rat, a snitch, and deserves to be verbally assaulted for it. What kind of mess?

Someone, a grown adult over the age of 20, today said Maddy is the abusive one in the relationship with Nate and that she pushed him to be a bad person. Toxic sure but how did she make him put his hands around her throat? Then a bunch more people went on to say yea Nate is a good guy, what in the victim blaming. I can't even say all of this discourse, straight up toxic behavior, and speculations are because teens want to watch something not meant for them because that was a grown woman.

The crits of Cassie were cool until it quickly became lets body shame Sydney and let's call Cassie a wh0re and a bunch of other shaming words. You can have empathy and not agree with someone's actions, you can not have empathy too but that doesn't mean "let's tell Sydney she is ugly". Then some of the "analyzations" don't talk about her faults in actions they just call her insults. I don't know who is teaching media analysis anymore but my god that's not how you do it.

Lexi is an angel in a lot of people eyes who can do no wrong. I'm sure even after her play people will still think because she's quiet and keeps her head down she won't have done anything wrong. But, exposing your sisters intimate traumas and your friends (A character based on Rue is in the play and Gia doesn't know but does go to the same school) gritty trauma to the entire student body and their parents is a violation of privacy. It's wrong but they won't see it that way because Lexi is the sweet girl next door who doesn't get into any trouble.

I am so angry and upset to see Kat storyline get cut and Barbie to get benched. But a part of me is so glad that Barbie isn't getting whatever energy has come with season 2 besides people telling her "you and hunter ruined the show for not doing your jobs." Which is people not understanding that actors are humans too. But the way people on social media would have jumped straight to body shaming her and vilifying her if they went deeper into why she doesn't like Ethan, the nice guy. I'm glad she has gotten to avoid that entirely.

And to see these same people call Cal and Laurie good or girl bossify their characters is so weird. Its so odd, because the grace the extend to two adults who should be held to a high er level accountability some of these fans do not. They would rather vilify every action good or bad of 17 year olds with compounding serious issues like addiction, redeem Nate in their eyes because he's hot, and tell Cal Jacobs its okay he video tapes people without consent because he read his family for filth. All these characters are so flawed as people but its the kids that are offered no sense of redemption.

The show is meant to be a reflective piece of media for adults about their own experience and to have grace and empathy for themselves at that age and for kids who are that age now, entertainment aspects of it aside. Where the heck did all that empathy go.

[nox-artemis]

Kentaro Miura

It took me awhile to get my thoughts in order. Honestly, as well intentioned as they are, a constant stream of fan tributes on Twitter and Tumblr more-or-less telling me how to process “The End” of Berserk with Miura’s death didn’t do a lot to console me, so I had to take some huge steps away from social media and only conversed my feelings with my other close Berserk fan-friends.

It was very surreal waking up yesterday morning to a friend messaging me simply saying, “did you hear the news?” When shit like that happens, I go onto my Google stories app and scroll through. I didn’t find anything really worth getting too upset over (maybe a bit sad that Queen Elizabeth II’s doggo died?) so it hit me to check my Twitter feed instead.

And that’s when I saw it.

We all know death is inevitable, and life is pretty much spent prolonging the point to that inevitability as well as preparing ourselves for when it happens to us or someone close to us. Being part of the Berserk fandom was the only time we all collectively had this on our mind not only for someone else but for someone we never met or really knew that much about. We only knew Miura through his magnum opus – and that was good enough for us. And no matter how much we discussed the worst-case scenario – pondering how the story would continue and how WE would continue – it still wasn’t enough to prepare us for this amount of shock. Hearing Miura had died and that the Berserk we know and love under his direct supervision is over truly felt like losing a long-lost friend.

It wasn’t just that the Berserk we know of is “over”, but that Miura didn’t have to die. He was only 54: not a young age, but not an old age either, especially by today’s standards. He could have seen the end to his magnum opus the way he envisioned it, yet he died of something so avoidable but is only brought about by a great deal of stress (from what I’ve read). It was always a morbid open rumor that so many of Miura’s infamous hiatuses were actually mental and/or physical health breaks, so the older or more conscious of us fans, while always eager and anxious for a new chapter, learned to not take them so personally. Miura was a spellbinding artist and storyteller, but he was also a human with his own life and conflicts that he was entitled to address at his own pace. This isn’t meant to blame anyone (at the very least, maybe to address some societal/industry issues), but it’s troubling enough to remind everyone – as the story of Berserk has demonstrated – that you need to take care of yourself physically and mentally, and while everyone struggles in life, you don’t have to struggle alone.

I always despised this weird cult of youth that insinuates that life isn’t worth pursuing once you hit your mid-thirties, and how some people so engulfed in their youth insist that they wouldn’t mind dying by the age of 50 or 60. It’s a shame when people live by that because there’s so much to live for beyond your youth – as I’ve learned, I only started buckling down when I transitioned into my thirties. Miura could have had a longer life ahead of him, going beyond Berserk and into his other endeavors, professional and personal, but that will unfortunately never happen now.

Everyone knows I have a lot of thoughts and opinions on Berserk. Most of you found out about me through my blogging several years ago, and I’m pretty proud that I was never the sort of fan that groveled at Miura’s feet and treated Berserk as some untouchable holy book: there were things I disliked about Berserk and things that disappointed me about Miura’s writing, but there were SO MANY MORE THINGS that I loved about Berserk and was proud of Miura for, and I wished him to continue his advancement in narrative growth. He did so and we watched it happened.

And, by meeting so many friends and acquaintances through the fandom, we saw a lot in ourselves change too. It’s surreal how we always joked that it would be one of us fans who would die before Berserk ended or the worst-case scenario of Miura dying; maybe some of us secretly preferred for that happen. But when we weren’t waiting around for another chapter… look at how much we’ve done with our lives! We graduated high school, undergrad, grad school, started and advanced our careers, traveled the world, got together, popped out a kid or two!... And while we experienced a lot of downfalls and tragedies that coincide, can you believe how much we have accomplished together?

We were all personally inspired, motivated, persuaded by Berserk in different ways: a lot of us were inspired for the better and admittedly, some for the not-as-good (if spending countless hours on Tumblr has taught me, there were definitely some toxic fan takeaways that had to be confronted). I’m not going to go to the point of saying that I now live my life by Berserk’s philosophy to a T or live as a reflection of certain characters (because I’m pretty sure that Miura was trying to tell us to NOT live your life like some particular characters) but it certainly helped to brings some aspects of life and existence into perspective, through the lenses of so many characters. Berserk also inspired me to write more, an already favorite pastime of mine, and how I should go about writing and planning a story, taking cues from Berserk on how to and how NOT to write and approach things in my own way, which I think is for the best in the long run. I can only dream that I’ll be published someday – which doesn’t have to be a pipe dream because it’s still much more possible than impossible. And so many other have done the same, creating our own stories and works.

And OF COURSE Berserk inspired me to be a little bit badass from time to time in moments of frivolity and seriousness – but it reminds us all that being badass and being a kinder person who tries to become the best version of themselves are not mutually exclusive. We definitely need more of that in today’s world.

We all made our own little bonfires of dreams happen, and because of Berserk existing, there will be a lot more beginnings than endings, and I don’t see a lot of bonfires being extinguished anytime soon. Miura poured his heart and soul into Berserk and its characters, and while he has passed on, his characters and lessons will live on through us and everything we create and how we live our lives (hopefully for the better).

I was happy to share all of my thoughts with you all – and I’ll continue to do so, since the mythos of Berserk has been a major backdrop of my creative mind for over fifteen years now and there is still so much to dissect and speculate. Personally, I don’t see Berserk ending just yet, if only because I’d be surprised that Miura or his publisher didn’t have some Operation London Bridge type plan in place in the event that this happened (Berserk is, after all, a major title that most likely brings Young Animal a lot of revenue). Again, I never treated Miura or Berserk as divine untouchables, so if there are plans in place to continue Berserk without Miura (BUT with his permission) or just on how to wrap up the story to give it a fulfilling conclusion, I personally would be okay with it (as a friend of mine put it, it’d be more of a tribute than an imitation). Going beyond our lifetimes, works will continue to be interpreted and reinterpreted as they have since time immemorial; perhaps Berserk will reach that point someday.

Honestly, and many have thought so too, Berserk was also meant to be cosmic level in both scale and concept. The plot is so grand and Byzantine that, even under Miura’s direct supervision, I always had a hard time envisioning how a story of this scale would conclude. As much as we love to hate him, a final showdown between Guts and Griffith seems too simple, too “good vs. evil”-esque for Berserk. Maybe having a low-key, vague but optimistic and bittersweet wrap up is what is best for Guts, Casca, and their new-found family. But that’s just another one of my fan speculations.

Regardless or what is to become of Berserk now, I think it’s safe to give adulations. We all came across Berserk at different times in our lives and stuck with the story for different reasons. For some of us, it was just another series that our friend from the campus anime club recommended to us; for others, we were drawn in from a morbid curiosity of its dark notoriety in anime circles. A few of us read for the gratuitous violence and the clout (because we all know you’re so deep and hardcore [/sar]), but a lot more of us read for the journey and the characters that we became a part of. The heaviness of Berserk made us confront a lot of trauma and even relive our own. For some of us, understandably, it was not a good idea to dive deeper (and maybe somethings could have been handled better); for the rest of us, it helped us cope, if not entirely through the story itself, than through the support network we made for ourselves in this fandom and its many realms (some realms, I argue, are more caring and nurturing than others).

From time to time, I always wonder if I would ever “grow out” of Berserk. There were indeed several times I took a step away from fandom and have tried to reduce my exposure to the story - but I always came back in some way, because the essence of Berserk has never left me and never will. Humorously I envisioned myself actually forgetting about Berserk for several decades, decades in which I work at my career, raise my family, mourn my elders, but continue living my life, only to go on the future internet in my mid-50s to find out… Miura is STILL working on that ending, sitting at his desk in the same pose as that famous monochrome capture of him, only he’s grayed and wrinkled, like the great Miyazaki.

The possibility of that future is over, but there are so many others.

[notasiren21]

Your reasons on why lukanette should be endgame were pure comedy, thanks for making me laugh!

Tbh I can’t tell if this is a compliment and warm hearted or if this is a roast and a bullying remark ?

If it is a kind comment (which I’m doubting) thanks!

Rude comment?⬇️

Judging by the tone tho, if this is a negative comment then please acknowledge that the beginning of that post -that I made over a year ago or so- literally stated I wasn’t looking for a “tussle” aka a way to start beef with those who ship the lovesquare 

We all have our opinions but it is rude and unnecessary to bash other people’s preferences and likes, and noting the way you went under anonymous for an ask, you did this intentionally to make an uncalled for comment.

I’m someone who has dissected the characters over time and time again (ask @emikogale or @lenoraishere or @ashdoesfandom ) and have given far better and more elaborated reasons on why I think they would be a far suited couple but this post was prior to me delving in deep and getting to know Luka more than they had already offered before that point.

I don’t believe in bullying or belittling those online just because we have a different ship we prefer, or for reasons to like/hate some things. We’re all perfectly justified and valid in things we take interest in and deserve no shame (unless it’s like really concerning stuff then … maybe see someone).

I don’t know how old you are but please reconsider the next time you decide to leave a condescending comment to someone. It does qualify as bullying and despite how it can be interpreted as something else as well as have very few words, it is a bullying statement that is intended to rip the rights away from a person stating their views and opinions.

This is a kid’s show that I’ve come to grow to not care for now but Lukanette serves as a drive to my writing and have carved a soft spot in my heart. I’m sorry you don’t ship them, and that’s you’re own right, but tell me - did you really need to leave an ask to insult me about a quick post I made one night per my own amusement ?

Did it give you a sense of gratification that you roasted someone who liked one ship you didn’t care for? Did you feel happy after submitting the ask because you intentionally tried to hurt someone?

Lmao, I started this show in high school for extra credit in French class and was interested for the concept (until I found out Astruc stole so many elements and concepts -I.e. Sailor Moon) but I only kept watching because I started to watch it become a train wreck and go against everything I believe in creating not only a story, but a television show aimed at young audience. Not to mention the psychological errors in characters too and how detrimental some actions would be that he neglects.

Literally speaking, as someone who has obtained her degree in media production and is learning from Astruc’s mistakes too as well as furthering her degree -

I could dissect and tear apart the love square if I wanted and show how much of a clusterfuck Astruc has made it and how the fans are trying to ignore his mistakes.

But, those are my own opinions and observations that I keep to myself and my Lukanette mutuals. Those are the things I just acknowledge with annoyance because kids are learning poor relationship tendencies and obsessions.

But yikes- ya think you insulted me for a post I made so long ago that I didn’t spend a lot of time on compared to an analysis and dissection I could do. You think I haven’t encountered a wild LS fan that has no real reason to argue Lukanette existing or being a better suited ship for the show.

I can be mean if I really wanted, but I’m not looking for revenge or to insult you back. I’m hoping you wake up and realize it’s not cool to do shit like this for no good reason and the toxicity of the show is why I don’t really engage with others outside the Lukanette part of the fandom.

Honestly though, think how you would feel if someone just continuously bashed something you liked as well as made fun of you in the process. If they took what you liked and just kept laughing. I’m not talking about you coming across posts that are rival to LS ones. I mean someone personally coming at you for something you like.

If you’re that affected by it and angered or forcing ignorance upon yourself for a ship -of a children’s show, mind you- then consider pulling yourself back and away from the show since you’re letting the toxicity of it consume you to the point where you feel this need to indulge yourself and exert it onto others.

That’s not heathy and it’ll start to impact your views on other things as well.

Also, just don’t leave hate asks? You don’t know what could be going on in someone’s life and sometimes, something as simple as that could be a push for them to do something drastic. It’s uncalled for and invalid. Go ahead and start a friendly debate or ask for a more clear view on something to learn, but if you can’t do that then I suggest you grow up and learn because if you let your comments such as these worsen, then you need help to fix your impulse control and insatiable need to come at others.

For the 12% chance this was a compliment, which I know it’s not lmao, I’m smarter than I appear to be, then thanks but work on your phrasing.

[damn-behzinga]

Damn-Behzinga’s Masterlist

angst - 🌧️

fluff - ☀️

favourite - 👑

⚡ The Eboys ⚡

Will Lenney (Willne)

The Veteran - The reader surprises Will at a panel after fighting in another country for a year. (X Reader) ☀️

Kissing In The Rain - Will’s friends meet his girlfriend for the first time but the couple is to busy having an argument. (X Reader) ☀️

Pancakes, Anyone? - You make breakfast for everyone after a night out and Will realises how much he loves you. (X Reader) ☀️

Nail Polish - You and Will have a pamper night (X Reader) 👑☀️

Moving In - Will and Gee get a new neighbour and Will happens to find her very cute. (X Reader) ☀️

Get Better - Will helps you through a bad day of depression. (X Reader)🌧️

A Little Bit More - Will and Reader recite their vows at their wedding. (X Reader)☀️

Tough Guy - Will and Reader are complete opposites but somehow have a strong bond. (X Reader)☀️

Will’s Friend Otis - Will gets a dog to help with some problems he’s having, Will can’t find his confidence to talk to his friends. (Centric) 👑🌧️

Toxic - Part Two of WFO, a look through social media as Will deals with his mental health 🌧️

Hometown - Part Three of WFO, Will goes home to take care of himself but re-lives the worst memories possible 🌧️

Will Comes Home - Part Four of WFO, Will comes home and tries to do a Livestream. Stephen doesn’t let it happen for obvious reasons. 🌧️

Taking A Leap - You are scared of love, Will isn’t (X Reader) 🌧️

Deserving - You get fired from your job and Will comforts you (X Reader)🌧️☀️

Alex Elmslie (ImAllexx)

First Kiss - You have your first kiss with Alex after he lists the things he loves about you. (X Reader ☀️)

Hurt Me Once -   Alex knows what his partner has been getting up to (X Reader)

James Marriott

Enough - Reader is content with the relationship they have with James, they decide to go public. (X Reader) 👑☀️

You Walked In And My Heart Went Boom - Reader and James have a heart to heart at 3am (X Reader)☀️

Grow As We Go - Reader thinks they need to break up with James in order to figure themselves out. Part of the Ben Platt Writing Challenge (X Reader)🌧️☀️

George (Memeulous)

Protective - George gets protective when Reader gets assaulted, he decides to do something about it. (X Reader) 🌧️☀️

Temporary Love - George doesn’t want this to be a one-time thing… Part of the Ben Platt Writing Challenge (X Reader) 👑🌧️☀️

✨ SIDEMEN ✨

Ethan Payne (Behzinga)

Baby Behzinga Meets Her Uncles - The Sidemen meet your month old daughter (X Reader) 👑☀️

“Dad, Can’t you hear me?” - Ethan opens up about his dad, the sidemen don’t realise how truly scary it is. (Centric)🌧️

Hush Hush - You are JJ’s best friend, he warned his friends not to date you, Ethan doesn’t listen. (X Reader)☀️🌧️

After Meeting A Little Early - You and Ethan have a son at the age of seventeen. the sidemen love him to pieces. (X Reader)☀️

Happy Hours - Ethan talks about you and your son on the Happy Hour podcast. Part 2 of AMALE (X Reader)☀️

Hooked - after a little too much drinking after JJ V Logan Paul, you and Ethan hook up (X Reader) ☀️

Doubt - Ethan has his doubts about being a father but you easily soothe him. (X Reader) 🌧️☀️

Top - Ethan sees you wearing his top and he decides to tell you something. (X Reader) ☀️

Losing The War Against Himself - Ethan is losing the war against his depression but other soldiers are going to fight beside him and help him win. (Cenric) 🌧️

Falling On The Battle Field - Ethan tries to take his own life, the sidemen try to cope (Centric) Part Two of LTWAH 🌧️

I Can’t Wait For Forever - The Sidemen film your’s and Ethan’s weddings, here are the fan favourite bits (X Reader)☀️

Secrets Always Come To Surface - Ethan’s secret gets revealed when someone appears out of the blue. (Centric)🌧️

Together In Isolation - Ethan loves to spend time with you in quarantine (X Reader)☀️

A Painful Memory - The Sidemen Roast is all fun and games until someone jokes about Ethan’s friend who passed away. (X Reader)🌧️

Fitting In - Ethan introduces you to his  friends, you get a bit insecure because you’re a bit bigger then other girls (X Reader) 🌧️☀️

To Be Free Again - Ethan gets into a car accident and has to learn to walk again. There are moments where he wanted to give up but he quickly had his friends help him feel better again. These are some of those moments. (centric)🌧️

Dumb Ass Love - If Ethan had to chose between men being horrid to you or a bloody nose, he would chose the latter. (X Reader) ☀️

Unclear - Ethan’s addicted to heroin, the boys have to find a way to help him (Centric)🌧️

Best Couple On YouTube - You and Ethan take part in Simon’s Best Couple On YouTube series. (X Reader) ☀️

Unconventional Family - Ethan meets his half sister for the first time and he decides she should meet his family, the sidemen.(OC & Ethan Centric)☀️

Heart Pains - Ethan has a lot of things that he wanted to do before he hit thirty, having a heart attack and almost dying was not one of them. (Centric) 🌧

Harry Lewis (Wroetoshaw)

Tranquil - You and Harry are soft when others aren’t around. (X Reader)☀️

livestream - harry watches your livestream and realises you’re not okay (X Reader)🌧️☀️

What He Thinks - Not What He Is - Harry finished filming with the weight gained video and he feels terrible about himself so you have to teach him otherwise (X Reader)🌧️☀️

Moment To Moment - This is Harry’s story of his relationship with an abusive woman. (Centric) 👑🌧️

Flustered - Harry gets flustered when a pretty girl comes in for a speed dating video (X Reader)☀️

Medication - Harry suffers from bipolar disorder and has medication, it’s awkward when his friends find out. (Centric)🌧️

Surprise - Harry thinks the biggest surprise of the day was the boys forgetting his birthday, little does he know. (Centric)🌧️☀️

Waltzing - You teach the Sidemen to waltz, Harry gets partnered up with you (X Reader)☀️

Date Night In Isolation - The activities you and Harry get up to in quarantine. (X Reader)☀️

Unexpected But Adorable - You and Harry are famous Youtubers, no one expects your relationship (X Reader)☀️

Nightmares - You have vivid nightmares, thankfully, Harry knows what to do. (X Reader) 🌧️☀️

Cuddle Time - Harry wants to cuddle, the boys happily oblige. (Centric)   ☀️  

Taken Over - Harry has a seizure after a shoot, the guys help him. (Centric) 🌧️

JJ Olatunji (KSI)

Helpless - You perform your first show as Eliza Schylur for the music Hamilton and JJ supports you. (X Reader) ☀️

Jealous, Babe? - You watch Jaackmaate, JJ is jealous (X Reader) ☀️

Caring - JJ takes care of you whilst your sick (X Reader) ☀️

Not To Blame - You go to a party with all your friends, the night takes a twisted turn and JJ tries to understand it. (X Reader/platonic or romantic) 🌧️

Josh Bradley (Zerkaa)

Not Your Anxiety - The Sidemen don’t know how to handle Josh’s panic attack, luckily Freya is the best. (centric) 🌧️

Hard Worker Shouldn’t Over Work - Josh tends to overwork himself but luckily has amazing friends surrounding him. (centric)🌧️☀️

Mine - You love Josh. Josh loves you. If only love were that simple. (X Reader) 🌧

Vik Barn (Vikkstar123)

Not Just Banter - Sometimes, Sidemen banter goes too far and Vik needs comforting (X Reader) 🌧️☀️

Meeting On Minecraft - You and Vik met online playing Minecraft and now you meet in real life (X Reader) ☀️

Tobi Brown (tbjzl)

Small Comments - You and Tobi promised each other that you wouldn’t go public, so why was the comment left in the video? (X Reader)  🌧️☀️

Falling - You and Tobi were on the lowdown, but what is he doing with that other girl? (X Reader)🌧️

Simon Minter (Miniminter)

Antics - You and Simon have a fun night out and have to get your drunken selves home (X Reader) ☀️

Simon In The Bathroom - Simon gets ditched by his one friend at a party, now he’s alone in the bathroom (Centic) 🌧️

THE GROUP

Acceptance - You come out to the sidemen as a bisexual (Sidemen & Non-specified reader)

🔥 + FRIENDS 🔥

Stephen Lawson (StephenTries)

Brother’s Best Friend - You are Will’s twin sister and Stephen might be developing an itsy bitsy, small crush on you. (X Reader) ☀️

Callum McGinley (Callux)

The Most Confident - Cal meets Harry’s old school friend, he likes her immediately but is she too cool for him? (X Reader) 🌧️☀️

Talia Mar

Strawberries + Cigarettes- Talia reveals her relationship with the reader through her music video for her song Strawberries + Cigarettes (X Reader) ☀️

[asagimeta]

Enhypen Theory- Ruins & Rituals

So I've been watching Given/Taken alot lately for writing purposes and am curious about something....

What's with the weird monument?

The beginning of the video starts with Jungwon standing in a desert with a bleeding nose, but we don't see this scenery again until the third "arc" of the music video, when the rest of the boys join him and immitate firing arrows at this broken monument of some kind- we later see them at night, dressed in their uniforms, dancing in front of it- though before this Jungwon is seen again slowly burning from (presumably) the sunlight

But... what is it? What's the significance and why does the video open there? Why are they firing arrows? There are just so many questions and I, personally, haven't really seen this part of G/T addressed yet so I'm going to take a shot at it for my first HYBE theory! (I actually have been *following* HYBE theories for a few months now but I'm new to K-Pop in general so I've been quiet until now)

First, it's important to note that it stands out as odd from the rest of the video

The beginning and middle of the video have two primary locations with similar but still considerably different vibes-

Old fashioned clothes, indoors, a sense of containment and "other"ness, even though they aren't the same, you can still feel the connection to eachother- but that's completely removed in the desert scenes, wich are outdoors, in modern clothing, and present the boys with more individuality (IE: lacking uniforms)

And it makes me wonder if the ruins they're visiting are of their old testing facility

Let me break it down a bit better-

The two primary locations we see other than these ruins are a mansion-wich I'll, possibly incorrectly, refer to as "the orphanage" henceforth- and a testing/containment/research facility of some sort

At first I wondered if the ruins were simply the orphanage but that's clearly not the case as you can see the exterior of the mansion in one of the snapshots early on, it's very different looking- even the shape is extremely different, and it seems to be in a forest just below a hill, not in the middle of a desert

What about the other place though? The facility- as I'll call it from here on- doesn't have the same deniability

In fact, we see a very similarly shaped building to the ruins during one of the snapshots, but we don't have any clear indication of what it is, why would it just randomly be there? Unless, ofcourse, it isn't random

Initially I assumed the orphanage and the facility were the same place because the boys are wearing the uniforms in both locations, but I'm starting to think that isn't the case, and that the boys were moved to the facility after being experimented on at the orphanage

The thing is that vampires don't always turn when they're given the venom/virus/blood/whatever-it-is-that-turns them, and when this substance is manmade or engineered somehow, it takes even less frequently, this is true of all supernaturals, and again, is emphasized when the people attempting to make the transitions are humans experimenting with forces beyond their understanding, so it's typical of these practioners to have large "sample sizes" of potential experiments, often turning to hospitals, schools, and orphanages (to name a few) seeking the few candidates that can survive and thrive under these new conditions- from there they'll experiment on all of them until they get the desired result, and those select few will move on in the process to the next step

Sound familiar at all? I think this is further representative of the idol industry

We know that a big theme of Enhypen's storyline is going against the toxic nature of the idol industry, with songs like "Not For Sale" and "Mixed Up", and themes like being museum or display peices in "Let Me In", and the process of a large group of young boys being picked through and groomed until there are only a few left standing, who are then taken away from the "orphanage" and brought to a more intense experimentation/testing facility, sounds alot like idol-potentials who are on talent shows, win, and then assigned to a group and agency who put them through intense preperation for their debut

We know Enhypen went through that exact process on I-Land, so it's not a stretch to say this may be what they're referencing

But back to the ruins

You can see a definite difference in the way the orphanage looks vs the facility, wile the orphanage is a western style mansion that looks like it came from the late Victorian era- though, as Laina Sunflower pointed out, it does seem to have some modern conveniences like pen lights and electric fans- (the person conducting the experiments is also wearing a face mask, wich looks more modern from what I can tell)

-the facility is seemingly more modern than that, and has a much less homey feel, resembling instead a more containment type of vibe- large areas of open space, large glass windows dividing one from another, and the boys all seem to have their own rooms to keep separated from eachother, very unlike the mansion where you can probably safely assume that they share rooms, as unlike the sleek, minimal style of the facility, is cluttered with children's toys, furnishings, and accents, and you get the vibe that the boys are allowed around eachother often, the entire feel is more casual, and considering the number of tables in the dining room, you can also safely assume that there are many more inhabitants of the orphanage than just Enhypen themselves, meaning that it's more likely they share rooms

We know what the outside of the mansion looks like, but we don't have as definitive of a space for the facility

Wile the tower in the snapshot is a bit different in shape from the ruins, they're similar enough, and the landscape is notably perfect for a facility containing baby vampires- a barren desert devoid of the one thing they need most (blood) and full of the one thing that can most harm them (sunlight), it would be like keeping Superman in a chamber beneath the red sun surrounded by kryptonite, there's very little chance of them escaping

There's also something particularly strange about the ruins, in that there's a LADDER hanging off of one side leading to the top of the facility

The entire set up reminds me of the vampire facility in True Blood, and I wouldn't be surprised if the facility had this peculiar setup to make it even more difficult on the boys to possibly escape, I wouldn't even be surprised if these ruins are only a small portion of what's been left, maybe the original facility was a little in tune with the building from the snapshots before whatever happened to it... happened

There's also some other things I want to point out with this line of thought-

Sunghoon is kept in a room filled with orange light at one point, sitting on the edge of a bathtub-?- when his hand catches on fire

Some have theorized that this is Sunghoon's power, just like other boys have the power to levitate, hypnotize, and teleport, but what if that isn't it? What if that was the facility testing him in a room full of manufactured sunlight to see if he indeed burns in the sun? True Blood, again, has a similar theme (and it wouldn't be unusual for HYBE to draw influences from other popular media, what with TXT's frequent Harry Potter references)

Additionally, could this be in part about their escape from the facility? We see the boys make a running motion as though they're trying to get away, only to stop

We see something almost exactly the same in "Fever", but this time they succeed in seeming to go through the door to their freedom

I also wonder if the Victorian style clothing vs the French Roccoco style clothing is meant to show that there was a large gap between the time they were originally imprisoned and the time they got out?

This also fits with "Drunk Dazed", we see the mystery woman before the boys, still in their Rococo style clothes, performing a "ritual of blood" by pouring blood into the fountain, could the boys have been rescued, found, or "adopted" by **real** vampires after their, probable, human experiments? If the French Rococo style represents the boys during their escape period, this could make senses, and could also serve to explain, to a degree, their blood festivities in the first place

This doesn't make alot of sense though in terms of timing as the Victorian era is around two hundred years *after* the French Rococo period, so unless it's symbolic....

But I've wondered about the weird contrast between the boys being experimented into vampirism vs being turned naturally, as the mystery woman seems to heavily implicate that she herself is a vampire and that she's showing the boys a "natural" ritual, something that's part of the vampire community/species/way of life, but this is a giant contrast to the more clinical, experimentation vibe of what the boys had been going through in their orphanage/facility days; I'm reminded again of True Blood here, as well as "Bitten", "Servamp" (the manga), and plenty of others where the older, stronger vampires (or werewolves) free the younger ones from human captivity

Things I still haven't figured out or that I find most notable:

-Jungwon seems seperated from the others the most here, he's the one at the beginning with the nosebleed and the one catching on fire- something that doesn't happen to any of the other boys- and in one of the flashbacks he's the one standing outside of the orphanage banging on the window as the others go about their routines, and in “Fever” he’s the one left behind/last in line when everyone is running towards the door, he seems to be the "main" charector in Given/Taken, as he's the last one on screen revealing what everyone suspected: that they're vampires; he's also the one with teleportation, most prominantely seen in Drunk/Dazed, flittering around outside the room where Sunoo is pouring his blood into his glass and coming in between the two groups of three who, according again to Laina Sunflower, seem to be at odds with eachother

-Sunoo is also the one seen to be biting (or attempting to bite) Jungwon, this could be a really interesting nod to their relationship, the two seem to be connected in a special way (is this why Jungwon is outside Sunoo’s room in Drunk/Dazed, flittering around anxiously as though he’s not sure what to do with himself or isn’t sure what to do about something that’s bothering him?) Could Sunoo have been responsible for turning Jungwon, or maybe completing his transformation? Or even just feeding off of him, wich, in some lore, creates a special bond between two vampires?

-Speaking of Drunk/Dazed, we see the mansion reappear during their first "bloody birthday party"- when there was only one candle on the cake- does this mean that they celebrated their life as vampires before being transferred to the facility? Were they vampires for a fair amount of time- several months or maybe even a year or two- before being taken away?

-Why are they immitating firing arrows? They don't seem to be *actually* doing this, just mimicking it, why expose themselves to the sun just for something symbolic? Is it a repetition of something they've done before? Did they originally destroy the facility themselves? Or it it something else..?

If anyone has any ideas definitely let me know, HYBE is my new favorite thing for theorizing!

[codename-adler]

Dear Tumblr toxicity,

Hi. Adler here. We need to talk.

- TW: mental health issues, depression, bipolar disorder, self-harm, homophobia, transphobia, coming out, xenophobia, islamophobia, racism, implied sexual content, rape, non-con, addictions, abuse, parental negligence, depictions of violence, swearing (please message me kindly if I forget anything)

- What prompted this message: The release of Skam France S7 teaser (emphasis on teaser, will get into that below)

- Where I’m coming from: I will talk from the pov of a white, cis and queer 22-years-old woman (she/her); this is the pov that affects my experiences and the opinions I will share below; but my message comes from a place of deep hurt, and love

- What this is about: My goal is to share a recurring experience that has hurt me in order to spread a message of awareness, maturity, peace and love

- Central content: Skam France, Skam Wtfock, and Skam/remakes in general

From now on I will assume people have enough information for me to talk about the topics without explaining every plotline/character. There are plenty of wiki pages to help you out and I will gladly answer any (respectful) questions asked if a plothole bothers your comprehension of my message. I’m only making these assumptions in order to alleviate the text.

January 9th, 2021.

The francetv slash YouTube channel releases an unexpected teaser video for an equally unexpected seventh season Skam France. The video features Tiffany, a white, cis female teenager, going into labour from denial pregnancy just after winning what appears to be a gymnastics championship. Overall, the video and its release are very dramatic.

The character of Tiffany, also called Tiff, was previously seen on season 6 of Skam France as a bully who persecuted the main character, Lola, both at school and on social media. Outside of this characterization, nothing is known about her. It is majorly accepted that Tiff is not a liked character; she rather poses as one of the antagonists of Lola’s arc.

Now you know the details of what happened, in the most objectively possible way. 

Now I’ll speak for myself.

Before I went digging around for people’s reaction, here is what I initially thought of this video.

1) Shock: I thought Skam France was over, so... Big, big shock.

2) Excitement: I hold this web series very close to my heart. It has gotten me through depressive episodes, anxiety attacks, coming out to my best friend. To see this new development? It couldn’t bring me more joy.

3) Curiosity: I recognized Tiff immediately. I was intrigued as to what would happen to her to set off a new season in true Skam Fr fashion. As soon as she started gripping her stomach, I knew she was pregnant and wasn’t aware of it. Big, big surprise here again.

4) Numbness/Overthinking: As I stared at my screen, motionless, my mind went off. What did it mean? How did she not know? Who is the father? Do we know him? Will the baby survive? Where are the other characters? Will Lamifex be present? What? How? When? Why? Who?

5) Disappointment: No, I did not like Tiff one bit in S6. Yes, I sincerely wished for a season on either Jo (ambiguous and funny teenage girl, cis + white), Sekou (seemingly neurodivergent teenage boy, cis + black), and my favorite, Max (mysterious and grave teenage boy, trans + white) So why Tiff? It felt to me like a missed opportunity, but I did not lose hope.

So, these were the five stages of my emotional process. And then I made the terrible mistake to go look for the fans’ reaction. I didn’t even look at the YT comments, I didn’t go on Instagram, I went directly here on Tumblr. Why? I’m still asking myself that. From S1 to S6 of Skam Fr, I kept my love for the show to myself and only looked at ig and video edits. I tried once, and only once, to look it up on Tumblr, and was greeted by fervent agressivity, disrespect and hate. Why did I ever forget that after watching the S7 teaser? I still don’t know.

The reactions on this platform were wild. People are furious (I get that). People are disappointed (I get that). People are anxious (I get that). People are also verbally agressive, insensitive, hateful, disrespectful and bullies. I don’t get that.

Comments along the lines of “What she gonna do with a fucking baby?”, “Are we gonna watch the baby do nothing all fucking season?”, “Wowwww, teenage pregnancy, so new and relatable!” (note the sarcasm made in the comment here), “Who gives a shit about Tiff?”, etc. 

And then all the mistakes Skam Fr ever made flooded back onto the feed. The wlw misrepresentation, the whitewashing, the overdramatization, the dubious sex scenes between minors, all of it.

Let’s take a break here. Do I condone these mistakes? Nope. Am I a white-bully apologist? Nope. Did I forget every horrible action Tiff has made in the past? Nope. She manipulated a whole school against Lola, she profited from Lola’s mother’s death, she bullied her, harrassed her, pushed her deeper into mental distress. Tiff was a despicable character that I never once liked. The way she was played by the actress made it clear that Tiff was not intended to be a good guy. If I could replace her as the main of S7, I would, in a heartbeat. I’d choose, as I said, Jo, Sekou or Max.

Skam France deeply lacks diversity and made mistakes when attempting to diverse the issues represented. This is not an opinion, it’s a fact. 

Poc representation is very, very low. Only one season has a woc of Islam beliefs as mc (Imane, S4) with poc entourage/family. Only 2 other characters not related to Imane were poc (Sekou and Sarah, S1-S2). These 2 characters were very in the background and served to further the mc’s plotline, they had no real content. (I am not a poc, and so my opinion does not matter here. If you are not poc, your “opinions” don’t matter here, this point is not for you to debate. These are facts.)

While I do not particularly find the wlw representation bad, I do understand how it hurts/bothers other queer women. From my perspective, the bar was very low regarding my expectations of the Lola/Maya pair (none of them died *yay* they had a happy ending *yay* they were not typically overfeminized or overmasculinized *yay* Lola  and Maya were respectful of each other, understood each other, accepted each other with all their flaws and their beauty *yay* I truly believed in their love and it gave me confidence and hope *yay* I ould really go on but this is not my main point so I’ll stop here) Regardless of my opinion on Mayla, I understand that to some queer women, it was bothering/hurtful. (If you are anything other than a woman / wlw, this point is not for you to debate. Keep your “opinions” to yourself, it does not matter here. These are facts.)

Like every remake of the original Skam where the S4 was given to Sana/Imane, the Muslim community was not represented at its best, at its most beautiful and respectfully. The character of Imane, although she is my favorite girl of the series, was not portrayed in a way that respected the majority of the Muslim community. (If you are anything other than Muslim, this point is not for you to debate. Our opinions do not matter here. These are facts.)

And so the same goes for the portrayal of sexual assault and child pronography in S2, of mental illness and homophobia in S3, of disabilities in S5, of addiction, transphobia, self-harm and neurodivergence in S6. Again, if you are not part of these communities, your opinions do not matter on these issues. These are facts that are not up for debate.

In other words, Skam France, as well as the original Skam, Skam Wtfock, Skam España, and probably all the others I haven’t watched in their entirety, are NOT perfect shows. They (maybe) tried their best to portray issues of the younger generations that are ugly, shameful, taboo, hard-to-swallow-pills. Of course they made mistakes. Of course they have to be held accountable. Of course they can and should do better. Of course it must be spoken about.

Here is my problem.

The so-called “fans” shamelessly SHITTING on the WHOLE show because of ONE TEASER TRAILER. (btw, this is where I get angry)

I am not talking about the fans making fun of the show and this season’s premise like “Better MCs than Tiff for S7: a romance between the car that almost hit Lucas S3 and the car that hit Arthur S5, or the school’s nurse, or Imane’s dad, or Elu’s rabbit” (that shit’s funny and I’d watch all of these).Or the joke about Wtfock and Skam Fr shaking hands while signing the same contract to disappoint the fans with white MCs (it’s funny cuz it’s trueeeee).

I am not talking about the fans criticizing the producers’ choice of Tiff as MC. There is a difference between shitting on issues and adressing/discussing them. I WANT to talk about how this season’s issue would have been so much better if a woc, specifically a black woman, had been the MC, because black women and doctors are a whole different level of issue than white women and doctors. Add on top of that an unplanned teenage pregnancy? It would have been IMMACULATE. I WANT to talk which wlw couple was better represented, Mayla or Croana/Crisana, and why is that. I WANT to talk about disabilities in black and poc communities. I WANT to talk about headcanons, AUs, to rectify the missed marks. I WANT to talk about our takes on seasons about Max, Sekou and Jo, instead of Tiff’s.

I DO NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT YOUR SHITTY, NEGATIVE, UNHELPFUL, HURTFUL COMMENTS.

Just because the protagonist is white, doesn’t give you ANY right to dismiss the issue that is unplanned teenage pregnancy. This is a problem that affects countries WORLDWIDE. Do you know how many deaths are related to minors giving birth? Do you know how many babies die at birth from these pregnancies? Do you have any idea the trauma it puts you through, to go into labor without even knowing you were pregnant in the first place, and then giving birth, and then having to care for a defensless human being? The dilemma of keeping it, or giving it away? The fear that lives in every person able to give birth, that one day they’ll become pregnant, because society turns sych a shameful look to that? No matter your ethnicity, your gender identity, your sexuality, your political stance or whatever shit you bring up to justify your disgraceful and downright degrading comments, YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO SAY THAT A MINOR GIVING BIRTH IS NOT AN ISSUE. 

You think the topic has been covered plenty before? Yeah, because shows like “16 and pregnant” and “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant!” are such good examples and show the reality with such an objective point of view! 

Bullshit. Teenage pregnancy is still a taboo, it still kills, and people are still morons about it. 

“Well I guess everybody is secretly pregnant now!” No, Jessica, but you wouldn’t know about it, would you? Because I wouldn’t tell you shit if you were my “friend” and I was going through it. The whole message of all the Skams is not that it presents super relatable issues of teenagers, although it is a big topic of the show. They present some issues that affect the youth in an authentic light, but that’s not it.

Tous les gens que tu rencontres mènent un combat dont tu ignores tout. 

Sois indulgente. Toujours. x x x

//

Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.

Be kind. Always. x x x

THAT’S THE MESSAGE. THAT’S THE WHOLE POINT OF THE SHOW.

And you all missed it.

All of you making dead baby jokes and death threats, degrading people who give birth, shaming teenagers for their pregnancies... Listen to yourselves.

“Well she deserves it, she was such a bitch!” No, Michael, you shit stick. Let’s rewind a bit for you, yeah? It was a GOD DAMN TEASER. We literally know nothing! Nothing at all! Why are y’all getting mad when we saw 3:25 minutes representing a whole ass season! Listen to yourselves. Y’all judge so fast for people pretending to love Skam and its authenticity and its motto.

You say Tiff is irredeemable?

Emma cheated on her boyfriend.

Manon lied and manipulated her friends.

Lucas was homophobic and prejudiced agaisnt mentally ill people.

Imane was homophobic too and went behind her friends’ back to get what she wanted.

Arthur cheated on his girlfriend too.

Lola dragged Elliot down with her in her addiction, lied, was verbally abusive, etc.

ALL THE MAINS ARE PROBLEMATIC.

Any guess why?

BECAUSE THEY ARE TEENAGERS. THEY ARE STILL GROWING AND LEARNING.

Yet we still loved them all. 

So don’t you dare tell me that Tiff deserves this, that her baby deserves to die, that teenage motherhood is irrelevant. Motherhood is not a curse in the first place, nor is it something to wish to inflict upon anyone. Motherhood is different for every single person and nobody except the person living with it can have an opinion on that. We don’t even know if the baby survived, for God’s sake!

There is no excuse for this kind of behavior..

It makes me so angry. Women are discriminated against in a fandom I thought was safe, again and again and again. 

I have to stop here because, well, this is just too much. There is much wrong with Skam (the original AND all the remakes), but there is even more wrong with the fans. I’m done.

You don’t support the show anymore? Fine, then don’t watch it! If I really am wrong, the number of viewers will go down and the show will die, just like you wished. There is no need to be vicious about it. 

I hope y’all are proud of your misogyny. 

Sincerely,

Adler.

[slightlyrebelliouswriter23]

Hi Em✨

I absolutely love your writing and your posts and I’ve been following you for a while now💕

I’m not sure about you but I feel quite uneasy/conflicted with the current rhetoric on book tok. I understand people not liking certain books but it’s been hard to see people slander books and the people that like those books/characters/stories,etc. I get that criticism is needed for certain themes or values that appear in books but reading is loosing some of its escapism for me:(

Reading in context (fictionally and in the real world) is always needed but sometimes I just like a book because of the characters or it’s story and not necessarily that it checks all the boxes for being perfect.

Tbh, as much as I love certain books, some of them have become tainted for me and I genuinely wish I didn’t I read other people’s opinions on them.

Book tok is great for reccs but I can’t even filter it out of my feed at this point. I kinda wish toxic fandoms also looked inwardly because as much fun it is to engage with fans and people that are apart of that fandom, some people take it way too far such as sending hateful anons to creators (such as you🥺) or calling books trash when they’ve been super influential or important to people.

I guess my little rant is over but I was wondering if you had any opinions on this or have any sort of guidance. Is there a place I could get reccs or how can avoid all of this rhetoric that can affect my view of a book.”?

Stay safe and have a good day✨💐

hi there, nonnie! thank you so much for the kind words, i really appreciate you 🥺❤️❤️

first off, i want to say that i 100% understand this. i never really got into booktok specifically because i had a feeling it was basically going to be book twitter 2.0 where everyone is just ripping into each other constantly. i don't like being influenced by other people's opinions either, and the drama that seems to be obligatory baggage for most fandoms these days (with the exception of TFOTA, cos for some reason we are extraordinarily chill) just isn't for me.

it is, of course, essential that we continue to think critically when it comes to media. it's the only way we can affect change in a positive direction. but this also must be balanced with a willingness to be humble with our opinions, understand that they are just opinions, and accept that everyone consumes media for different reasons.

this also means we'll all hold different boundaries about what we're willing to consume, and where we draw the line for things we won't consume. granted, books might be the mirror through which we see life reflected, but they are not reality itself. to a certain extent, fiction is fiction. and different boundaries does not a bad person make.

speaking of drawing lines, i'm going to direct you to this post by @bookofmirth , which is mainly about ACOTAR/SJM/Palestine but some of what they have to say there is very applicable to this topic, and eloquently put:

"Some people can separate art from artist. Some can't. It's up to all of us as individuals to draw that line where we are comfortable."

i agree with this statement wholeheartedly. it is not up to randomgal4549 on tiktok/twitter to decide what eye should or should not read. the unmitigated gall of anyone to think their opinion should dictate other people's choices is highly presumptuous and quite frankly exhausting.

apart from maybe the bible/other religious texts, what a person reads is not a reflection of who they are or what beliefs they hold. we need to learn not to conflate the two, and start regarding each other once more as humans with complex thoughts and feelings, capable of introspection and growth, instead of little icons on our phone screens with immovable and absolute beliefs.

so that's my opinion on that. my main advice to you would be KEEP THINGS ORGANISED. what i mean by that is this:

curate your social media experience! it is YOUR responsibility as an owner of any social media account (including tumblr) to customise your space to fit YOUR needs. if you don't like someone's opinion/content? unfollow. if someone is rude/you don't like their vibe? block. if you find the things someone shares to their socials offensive? unfriend. this is setting boundaries, and the people who take any of these things as a personal offence are the exact people you want to keep a healthy distance away from. you decide who you follow and what you see on your dash. be protective of your space and who you allow to have access to your energy.

keep personal feelings separate from the public! i honestly can't stress this point enough. if you feel the need to rant about something that irks you about a specific book/author/person's opinion, keep these discussions in the DMs with a trusted circle of friends. it is psychologically proven that when someone feels attacked, they will double down on their og opinion, no matter if they realise they're wrong. thus, projecting high-strung emotions into public spaces such as twitter, while understandable in some cases, will only serve to further polarise people and hurt the very movement you're likely trying to bolster. blow off steam with people you can entrust with your emotions. NOT strangers on the internet.

designate time to learning about issues that are important to you! i strongly advise against turning to any fictional medium for moral lessons or life advice. if you can dedicate some time outside of your escapism to inform yourself about important subjects through educational resources that are specifically designed to Teach/Impart Knowledge, instead of giving an ounce of thought to Intrinsically Biased Information Received Second Hand, i promise you you'll feel a whole lot less obligated to other people's opinions.

if you're unsure about a particular book/author, consider borrowing from your local library, purchasing the book second hand, or finding an ePub copy.

for recs, consider booktube. i know it's probably seen as a bit old school by now, but the great thing about youtube is that you're not randomly/unexpectedly subjected to other people's shit opinions like on other social platforms. you have to click a link to watch the video, which gives you more autonomy in regards to what opinions you consume. my personal favourite youtuber is Khadija Mbowe. she's not a booktuber, per se, but her content focuses on in-depth critical analysis of media/society through the lense of WOC (specifically Black women), and i find her channel compelling as well as informative.

goodreads is also a great place to find book recs without the constant influx of opinions. if you can find yourself a circle of trusted friends to follow on there, you can't go wrong. my goodreads is linked in my bio under "connect" and you're welcome to follow me there. or not! it's your choice.

–Em 🖤🗡