#top surgery australia

[abuzd]

hello i love life :)

[tisziny]

Sometimes I remember how my top surgery was essentially free and I just feel so blessed and lucky. Thank you Australian government for paying to cut off my tits.

[hauntedselves]

hmm. just realised my still problematic physical anxiety may not be anxiety but hypervigilance. sertraline is supposed to treat PTSD as well as anxiety so I'm still hoping a higher dose will finally settle me down for good.

it doesn't help that i haven't been able to see my psych since November...

oh. lol, i just realised that days where I'm anxious correlate with trauma dreams. why didn't i connect the dots earlier lmao

[mangedog]

gender transition: hysterectomy in Tas, AUS

It's rare to see any experiences of gender transition outside of the US, and when I do find Australian experiences there's none from my state, Tasmania. So I thought I'd share my experience in getting a hysterectomy. I won't go over the Australian medical system, google that if you need to (it's pretty similar to the UK system if you're familiar with that). Long post with surgery details ahead!

On the 17th of January 2023 I had a laparoscopic hysterectomy. I had everything removed (uterus, Fallopian tubes, ovaries, and cervix - so a hysterectomy with bilateral salipingo-oophorectomy) with a cystoscopy (micro-camera examination of bladder to make sure ureters are intact) at the end of surgery.

Pre-Surgery Consults

First step was going to my GP to ask for a referral. I was referred to the Royal Hobart Hospital (RHH)'s gynaecology department on the 10th of March 2022.

I had my first consult with Dr. Irena Nikakis on the 14th of July 2022, in which she said she was happy to do a hysto but didn't want to take my ovaries. We "compromised" and she said she would do the hysto in one operation, and then remove the ovaries at a later date. I wasn't happy with this - it seemed like a weird way to go about it, and I didn't want to have 2 major surgeries when I could have just 1 for the same effect - but I agreed anyway. I left the consult glad that she agreed to the hysto, but annoyed at that she didn't want to take the ovaries at the same time (and also because I'd gotten there 15 minutes early but she was an hour late with no explanation).

She wanted me to have a psychiatric consult before booking the surgery in, which I had with the sexual health clinic (Clinic 60 in Hobart). Pretty standard stuff, just went over if I was able to consent to surgery and meet the WPATH criteria and so on.

I had my second consult with Dr. Nikakis on the 13th September 2022, when I was put on the public hospital general priority waitlist (meaning the wait time would be within a year / 365 days). She said if I hadn't had the operation within 6 months I would get a phone call to see if I still wanted it.

Some weeks later I got a phone call asking if I wanted to be under a contract the RHH has with Hobart Private Hospital, where public patients are processed through the private system at no cost to them (in order to try and get through the backlog of patients they have on public waitlists). Since it wouldn't make a difference to me I said yes.

I then had a consult with Dr Tim Hasted on the 13th of December 2022, at Calvary St. John's Private Hospital where his office was. I asked him if he could take my ovaries at the same time and he was fine with that. I also asked if we could forgo the speculum at the 8 week post-op check up, which he was also fine with as long as there was no bleeding by then. My surgery was booked at this consult, for the 17th of January 2023.

Surgery

The day of operation, I arrived at Hobart Private Hospital at my instructed admission time of 1pm. I had been told to fast from food from 7am and water from 9am, but I woke up late and had a sip of water at around 10am for my medication (and therefore didn't have any food at all). They were fine with that. I waited for about 20 minutes in the waiting room, when they did the admission forms. Then I waited for another 20 minutes or so, when they did more paperwork. Then after another 20 minutes or so I was taken to my private room which had its own bathroom (I wish I could be a private patient all the time, it was way nicer than a shared ward!).

I waited in the room for about two hours (my mum came to visit me so we just chatted, and then once she left I read a book). Then the nurse came at 4:15pm and told me they were getting ready for me, so I put on the hospital gown (naked underneath) and sat on the bed. The nurse and someone who I think was an orderly wheeled my bed to a pre-op room where they put the blood clot prevention stockings on and went over the paperwork about three more times (asking what operation I was having and if I had any allergies or reactions to anaesthetic, etc). The anesthesiologist and her assistant both visited me to introduce themselves, and Dr. Hasted popped in as well. After 10-15 minutes of waiting they wheeled me in to the theatre.

My surgery was at about 4:30pm. They warned me that the operating room would be cold (and it was), so they put a heated blanket in my bed. They lined the bed up with the operating table and got me to shuffle over onto it (it was a bit awkward and I was trying not to let my gown slide up so I wouldn't flash them all with my naked ass lol...). They undid the knots of the gown so they could take it off when I was asleep. They put the cannula in the crook of my left elbow (since I'm right handed). The nurse said she was going to put some "relaxing medicine" in the cannula, and then the anaesthetic. I felt her putting it in, it was cold, but for about 30 seconds I didn't feel any different. Then suddenly I was hit with this wave of dizziness and felt really out of it. That's the last thing I remember.

After Surgery

I woke up in the pre-op room I was in before they took me to surgery, they were asking me to rate my pain out of 10. I couldn't speak (because of the intubation and also I was still really out of it) so I held up my fingers to say 7. I felt vaguely nauseous but I didn't need any anti-nausea medication. I think they gave me some pain medication but I don't remember. Then I woke up again in my room, where I think they were asking me again about the pain. I slept on and off for about 4 hours I think. I remember asking for some painkillers and the nurse said I couldn't have more because it was 8:45pm (?) and I had to wait 6 hours between the strong medication. I think I had some Panadol (paracetamol) instead. The nurses had to come in every 30 minutes for the 4 hours post-op to check on me and take my blood pressure and temperature.

Eventually I woke up properly at around 10pm. I was alone in the room and in a lot of pain so I pressed the call button for the nurse. I kept forgetting and moving my arm that had the cannula in which was attached to the IV drip, which made the IV machine go off because the line wasn't straight. My throat wasn't sore but I couldn't really speak. I drank a lot of water. At one point I woke up and there was a food tray with sandwiches, two small bottles of orange juice and apple juice, a container with some crackers, cheese and grapes in it, and a little tub of ice cream on my bedside tray. I had the ice cream which had melted by then but I couldn't swallow the cheese or bread properly so I just left it since I wasn't hungry anyway.

I slept some more until around 3am. I was in a lot of pain (around 6 or 7/10) so I asked for some medication when the nurse came in. I think I got some of the strong pain meds (I don't remember what they were called, Duodene or something?) three times over the night and some Panadol as well. I had pain in my abdomen but also in my back at one point (I think because of the gas but also because I hadn't moved for hours). I became aware that I had a catheter in, and it was really weird not being able to tell if I was peeing or not. I would feel a vague need to pee but then it would go away and I couldn't tell if it was because I had actually peed into the catheter or if I just didn't need to go anymore. I couldn't sleep for more than half an hour at a time, and as it got closer to sunrise I slept less and less. My pain by this point was about 4/10 so it was uncomfortable but manageable. I was pretty thirsty, but I'd run out of water, and it was also hot in the room but I couldn't get up to turn the thermostat down.

At 5:30am the nurse came in to tell me that they would take the catheter out at 6am. She helped me out of bed and got me to walk around a bit. I was shaky and weak but I could walk ok. Then when she took out the catheter I was nervous (didn't want anyone poking about down there!) but she explained what she was doing and it was pretty quick. She un-inflated a little balloon in the tube and then pulled it out, which stung but was over quickly. She took the bags (2 of them, both completely full, I had apparently peed a LOT during the hours I had it in lol) and I managed to go to the toilet by myself. It stung like hell and I only managed a little bit, and it was extremely bloody. Over the next few hours I had to keep peeing and they had to measure my pee and do a bladder scan to make sure I was emptying my bladder. It took a long time, but by 10am or so I didn't have to have any more scans.

At around 8 or 9am I had breakfast, which was scrambled eggs so it went down easily. I still wasn't feeling hungry but I felt better after eating so I guess I was. At some point Dr. Hasted came in and talked to me about the surgery. He said it all went well, except it took longer than expected because I had a "very small" cervix which made it trickier for them (since they were removing the organs by pulling them through the cervix, then removing the cervix itself and sewing the leftover hold shut - a vaginal cuff). I was able to have a shower, but I hadn't brought any shampoo or soap because I thought I wouldn't be allowed to shower for a few days.

I was discharged at around 1pm, after lunch (which I managed to eat all of despite not really wanting to after half of it). I had a painkiller before I left since I live an hour away from the hospital. It was the same kind I got a prescription of from the hospital pharmacy (Palexia IR 50mg, which is tapentadol). Made me feel a bit drowsy. The carpark was across the street, and I was feeling fine so figured I would have no problem walking there. But a few times I felt a bit lightheaded, and I waited at the exit of the carpark for my dad to drive down and pick me up instead of me going up to where the car was. I had to lean against the wall so that was a good idea. I didn't put my binder back on when I got dressed so I was standing awkwardly with my arms crossed to hide my boobs, but that was ok because it gave my abdomen support as well.

It hurt when we went over any bumps on the ride home, but it was ok. I surprisingly didn't go to sleep until 8pm, which since I'd been up since 3am was weird, but I guess I'd slept a lot the afternoon of surgery. I had some pain in the night and took a Palexia, but since I can only have either 1 every 4 hours or 2 every 6 hours, I have to space them out more than I'd like.

Post-Op

I feel surprisingly good. I was worried that I'd regret it - I knew I didn't want kids but I was worried I'd regret removing the option to have biological kids. But I don't regret it now and I didn't then either. I was (and am) so relieved that no matter what, I will never have a period again and there's no risk of ovarian cysts (I have PCOS - yes, weirdly enough, I still have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome despite no longer having ovaries, since it's an (not very well named) endocrine disorder as well as reproductive), no risk of cancer on any of those parts… such a freeing feeling. Unfortunately, it feels like I'm having a really bad period (abdominal pain, bleeding, fatigue etc.) which is dysphoric but knowing why this is happening and knowing it can never happen again is really helpful. It's kinda weird having such a major surgery but no outward differences except for a few incisions (one in my bellybutton, one on either side, and one underneath, and there's one internal one at the top of the vagina where the cervix was). As happy as I am to have it, I kinda wish it had been top surgery since that's my number 1 source of dysphoria (reproductive organs were the lowest priority in terms of transition for me, but just happened to be the easiest to get done and therefore came first).

I'm writing this almost exactly 72 hours after surgery. Still some pain, getting in and out of bed is a bit painful, and I don't have much of an appetite. I have a heating pad on my abdomen at the moment which is nice (and a cat on my lap, even better!). I might try and have a nap soon. All in all, it was easier than I expected, I wasn't misgendered (even had my gender marked as male on my wristband) except for one time indirectly when Dr. Hasted said "women who have this - oh sorry, people who have this...". And because it was through the public health system, it was completely free!

I'm not allowed to drive for a month (because if I crash my car insurance won't cover anything), the estimated recovery time is 6 weeks, and I have a post-op check up with Dr. Hasted in 8 weeks. I'm told that bowel function will take a while to return, but if I haven't had a movement by Friday (tomorrow) to take some laxatives. (I have been farting passing wind though which is a good sign - it means the gas they pump into your abdomen so they can see is moving out).

Feel free to ask any questions (or just say hi, especially if you're a trans Tasmanian)!

Here's @transgenderteensurvivalguide's hysterectomy info page, and here's hysto.net, which is a hysterectomy info site for trans people.

[vampyrfagg]

.

[blankhound]

Trying to decide if I aim to get top surgery next year cause the way the world is going I'm vaguely concerned if I don't do it soon aus will follow the us in laws ans I won't get a chance

[onlyangel4]

pushed too hard. mv1. SMAU + written.

max verstappen x chronically ill! reader

in which max's girlfriend has a very valid reason for not attending the races but the public doesn't know. and when the hate gets too much she pushes herself too hard.

author's note: so i have written this completely from experience, so the reader has elhers danlos syndrome (which i also have) but if you suffer from a different chronic illness please do imagine it as that.

warnings: chronic illness. hate. hospitalisation. injury.

face claim: katie douglas

y/ninsta posted a story tagging maxverstappen

written: y/sister managed to get a picture of me as soon as i woke up to find out that max won the bahrain gp with a twenty second lead. i am such a proud girlfriend rn.

maxverstappen replied to your story: good you are awake i'll facetime you rn. i miss you and the cats.

user1 replied to your story: if you really were a good girlfriend you would have been there supporting him

maxfan: you are such a bad wag you didn't even stay up to watch the race.

you had woken up on a high. you had turned your phone on to see all the messages informing you of your boyfriend's impressive win and you had even managed to facetime max before he went to bed. it felt like a good day. but then you made the mistake of opening social media. people on twitter were doing what people on twitter do best, talk shit. your eyes scanned over the screen as for the millionth time people picked apart your relationship and called you every name under the sun. they saw you as a villain that just did not support her boyfriend and that could not be further from the truth.

if you could attend every race you would but that just was not plausible. you suffered from elhers danlos syndrome and on top of that you had chronic fatigue. the elhers danlos effected your joints making every day painful to some degree. yes there were good and bad days but there were never pain free days. both of your knees had been operated on and you were awaiting surgery on your ankle due to frequent dislocations. the simple description of elhers danlos is that you had fault collagen, this collagen is what makes your connective tissue so your connective tissue was faulty and therefore your joints had a habit of dislocating and causing you a hell of a lot of pain. it was a domino effect the constant pain that you were in made you incredibly tired and that is where the chronic fatigue came in. max often called you his sleepy girl because you needed at least one nap per day to function properly.

you knew the problems you were having with max's fans could be solved by you telling them what you suffered with medically but they did not deserve an explanation from you. you should be allowed to live your life how you want to without thousands of strangers telling you that you were doing it wrong or that you were a bad girlfriend. you wanted to keep your medical issues private and max completely understood and supported your decision to do so. so instead you had to deal with all the hate. you just had to remind yourself that these people did not know the real you and if they did they, hopefully, would not treat you like this.

y/sister posted a story tagging y/ninsta

written: y/n finally left the house for the first time in five days and it was just for a snack run.

maxverstappen replied: is she having a bad week, she only eats reese's when she is a lot of pain

y/sister: i didn't tell you this but she is not doing well at all, she slept all of yesterday and then today the internet hates her because she wasn't at the race.

as the saudi arabian gp came and went max was busy with stragety meetings and such this meant that instead of coming home for a few days like he had previously planned he stayed out there and was going to go straight from there to australia and at this point you were really missing your boyfriend. the hate had not subsided either. it was just a very difficult time for you. one night where you had just been scrolling through twitter reading through the cruel things that people had been saying about you, you hit your limit. there was no way that you could deal with this for the rest of the season. so insteadyou decided to do something about it.

the morning you needed to fly to australia was when you realised that this was a bad idea. you had woken up in enough pain to down a horse, joints aching and head spinning. but danny had pulled strings for you. he had arranged everything just so that you could surprise your boyfriend and there was no way you were going to cancel when the plan was already in motion. so instead you just grinned and bared it. the flight was okay, luckily daniel had booked you a first class seat.. but sleep was hard to come by due to your body not being used to sleeping while being in flight. you were already tired when you landed in australia. due to the lack of notice the only flight daniel could arrange got in late on the saturday night. so you had booked a hotel next to the airport and arranged for a car to pick you up in the morning.

it had been so fucking hot in your hotel room and that meant that sleep was incredibly difficult to find. you tossed and turned all night only getting five hours of low quality sleep. in the morning you had pulled on a comfortable outfit and made your way out to the car that daniel had arranged for you.

y/ninsta posted a story

written: fit check

f1wags

liked by user30, user31, user32 and 89,172 others

f1wags: y/n y/ln has arrived to her first ever grand prix. y/n has been dating max verstappen for 18 months and had never been to a race before. but today that changes. she is not dressed in usual wag attire instead in an oversized shirt and bike shorts with a red bull cap. she may not be dressed like the others but we are happy to see her in the paddock

view all 628 comments

user30: we wait for her to show up and she comes wearing that. what an awful wag

user31: go on girl. give us nothing.

user32: i'm actually so happy she is here. i love y/n and have never understood the hate i think she is the cutest

the red bull garage was incredibly easy to spot. your eyes found danny loitering outside having a meaningless conversation with your boyfriend, "i got you a present mate. as it is my home gp i decided to spoil you", danny spoke and max raised an eyebrow.

"whatever it is i am sure that i don't want it", max responded

"i wouldn't be so sure", you cut in and max turned around instantly at the sound of your voice a wide smile gracing his features.

"oh my god, y/n", he spoke as his arms engulfed you in a tight hug. "what are you doing here love?"

"i wanted to surprise you"

"well consider me surprised"

you laughed softly as you followed your boyfriend into the red bull garage he gave you a tour of the garage and you followed him clinging onto his arm. he was used to having to hold you up so leaning on him did relieve your aching joints. max knew all about your medical issues he had helped you with them for over a year. he knew that coming to australia was pushing your body past its limits so every so often he made sure to check in on you. make sure that you sat for a little bit before interacting with the rest of the team. however when he left to go and race there was no longer anyone in the garage that knew about your medical issues. and this is what led to you being stood all of the race. stragestists and other people who you gathered were important to the team took the seats, while you stood towards the back of the garage.

it was around lap twenty when your left ankle began to properly hurt and your eyes felt heavy. a clear indicator of fatigue and your body telling you that you needed to rest. but your boyfriend was racing so well and you wanted to be able to watch him. the race continued for a few more laps however just as max started the thirty first lap your ankle gave way, dislocating from the strain of you being stood on it when it was already under pressure. you crumpled onto the floor a yelp leaving your lips as you fell but you were unable to put your hands out to soften your fall so you ended up hitting your head on the hard ground. this was enough to knock you out. first aiders ran over and called the ambulance into the paddock but you next regained consciousness inside the ambulance, on the way to hospital. alone.

f1updates

liked by user35, user36, user37 and 54,092 others

f1updates: as the drivers go into the 4oth lap of the australian gp an ambulance was spotted leaving the paddock with full lights. sources say the ambulance was parked outside of the red bull garage, but no one knows who was inside of it when it left the paddock

view all 554 comments

user35: the stress finally got to horner

user36: shit i hope whoever it is is okay

user37: the red bull garage do look rather stressed

"well done max you have just won the australian grand prix", christian had called over the radio. he felt guilt twinge at him. his girlfriend had been rushed to the hospital thirty laps ago but christian had made the decision to not tell max until the end of the race. he knew that the dutch driver was going to be mad when he heard the news. christian decided he needed someone else to tell max what had happened. "daniel can you come find me as soon as you are out of the car", he had intercepted the racing bulls radio just to give daniel the message, christian knew it would be better to have bad news coming from him rather than himself.

"thirty fucking laps ago", max spoke pacing back and forth in front of one of his closest friends. "you are trying to tell me my girlfriend had an ambulance called on her thirty laps ago and no one told me. she is in a foreign hospital. alone and probably scared shitless", max ranted to danny.

"i know man, christian just asked me to tell you. we can go to the hospital after the podium ceremony"

"oh fuck that i'm going now"

"you aren't driving", daniel knew better than to argue with max in that moment. yes christian would be pissed to find out that max was skipping the podium ceremony but daniel was not going to stop him from leaving. instead the two man snuck out the back of the paddock and to danny's car. the two racecar drivers got to the hospital in record speed with max running up to the front desk asking the nurse where he could find you. he was ushered through the hospital to a ward.

you were sat in a private ward you ankle elevated, an ice pack on your head and fluid iv in your arm. "max. you won.", you spoke softly. you had the television on and the grand prix on, you had just watched footage of a frantic christian looking for the driver that was now in your room.

"that does no matter my love, what happened?"

"i just pushed myself too far max. i forced myself to stand the whole time and my ankle dislocated, the doctors want to operate on it soon. and when i fell i gave myself a nasty concussion", you explained and the look on max's face could only be described as broken.

"oh my love", he spoke softly pressing a kiss to your forehead.

"i just didn't want the fans to think i was a bad girlfriend. that you deserve more than me", you spoke quietly, "they all hate me because i can't go to races", you spoke tears forming in your eyes but max's thumb quickly wiped them away.

"they don't hate you. they just don't know you honey."

"we should put out a statement, tell them what has been going on with me"

"you just read my mind my love"

maxverstappen posted a story tagging y/ninsta

y/ninsta

liked by maxverstappen, landonorris, daniel ricciardo and 830,121 others

tagged maxverstappen

y/ninsta: a long awaited health update. after a week in hospital i am now finally back home from australia. i am expected to have surgery on my ankle in the next couple of weeks. and i am on a strict diet of hourly lollipops because my blood sugar was low. i just wanted to say a massive thank you to max who literally ditched his own podium ceremony (sorry christian) to be with me. i am so incredibly lucky to have you and i love you with all of my heart, even if i am pissing you off while i'm on bedrest.

view all 28,001 comments

maxverstappen: you could never annoy me

y/ninsta: even when i try to walk when i'm not supposed to

maxverstappen: y/n sit tf down

danielricciardo: so glad to hear you are doing better

y/insta: thank you for bringing me take out every day i was in australia

user40: the world owes this girl an apology. you all bitching and moaning about her not being present just to find out that she has a chronic illness. some of you should be really embarrassed rn

[girlgenius1111]

didn't mean to forget you

alexia realizes she hasn’t been giving r enough attention. r promises her she’s not a bad girlfriend.

mostly fluff :)

It had been a long year. Alexia's knee rehab was grueling; the physical part almost as painful as it was for her to be off the pitch. You'd found yourself doing everything you could for her in the aftermath of the surgery, and hadn't really stopped. Things had definitely calmed down since she'd returned home from Australia, but still, you did most of the stuff around the house, most of the cooking, most of the cleaning.

You didn't mind at first, especially with how often Alexia thanked you. You still didn't really mind, knowing you were significantly less busy than your girlfriend, you just wished sometimes she'd make a little more time for you. You didn't doubt her love for you, but when she'd come home to a perfectly clean house and a cooked dinner, and not bother with more than a thank you before sitting down on the couch, silently asking for quiet, it made you feel unappreciated.

You knew it wasn't on purpose, the two of you had just gotten into a routine. The tasks you did didn't seem to be out of your way, they just seemed... regular. You'd thought about bringing it up to her, but she was so stressed, so exhausted, it didn't seem fair to make her feel bad about something you'd get over.

What you didn't count on, though, was for her to notice.

It happened after training one day, a nice fall evening. Alexia had gotten home late, stuck in meetings, and had missed dinner. She'd gotten caught up talking to Mapi after the meeting, when the defender had said something that really made her think. She mentioned how she had a whole list of chores to do that she'd been neglecting, and Ingrid was going to start withholding sex if she didn't get productive.

Alexia was amused, and then, rapidly distracted. She couldn't remember the last time she'd done a chore, done anything around the house. Done anything with you, outside of spending time together after training. The last real date you'd been on had been in Australia, when she'd had a day off.

Australia, when you'd taken weeks off of work as a photographer to come cheer her on at the world cup. She hadn't even asked; you'd always just... been going with her.

When she walked in the house and noticed that you'd eaten alone, she felt a pang of guilt; she'd forgotten to text you that she'd be home late. Still, you greeted her with a big smile and a soft kiss on the lips.

"How was training?" You asked, pulling away from her warm embrace to instinctually grab an ice pack for her knee. The action startled her; she hadn't even asked for ice, yet you were getting it anyway. How often did you do that? Anticipate what she needed, and get it for her before she could ask?

"Ale? Everything alright?" You asked, as she still hadn't responded.

"Si, yes. Training was good." She was suddenly struck with the need to spend time with you, to do something you enjoyed. "Do you want to go for a walk before it gets dark?" She asked, taking the ice pack out of your hands, and throwing it carelessly on the couch.

The smile that lit up your face at her suggestion made her want to cry. Your smile was her favorite thing, but for this small thing to excite you so much... she'd dropped the ball.

"Yeah!" You told her excitedly. "Let me get my coat!" You scampered off to the closet, leaving Alexia standing with an ever growing feeling of guilt. She looked around the room, really noticing for the first time how clean it was; not a speck of dust in sight. She could see a plate wrapped up for her in the kitchen, presumably of the dinner you'd cooked her. On the couch was a load of laundry you'd done. All of this, on top of your job. Alexia suddenly couldn't remember the last time she'd thought to stop, and thank you. For doing all of the things she didn't have the energy for, without ever making her feel guilty.

Your return startled her out of her thoughts, grin still stretched across your face as you laced your fingers with hers. She couldn't fight the smile her lips pulled up into at your excitement, but the overwhelming sensation she was feeling was guilt.

"Ready?"

"Si, vamos, mi amor."

You walked in relative silence for a a bit, hand in hand, enjoying the gentle breeze, and the slightly cool air. Alexia was caught in her thoughts, you could tell, and you waited patiently for her to tell you what was going on. After a couple minutes, you glanced over at her, and were startled to see tears gathered in her eyes.

"Ale, baby, what's wrong?" You asked, stopping her and turning her towards you. She wiped harshly at her eyes, shaking her head. "Si, come on, tell me." You insisted.

"I'm so sorry, y/n," was all she managed, before she was back to crying. You didn't know what was going on, but the feeling that you got whenever you saw Alexia cry, the feeling to make it stop, no matter what you had to do, took over. You led her over to a bench in a mostly empty park overlooking the beach.

"What are you sorry for, pretty girl?" you questioned, keeping her hand tightly gripped in yours, even as you sat next to her.

"I've been so awful to you," she cried, biting her lip hard to pull herself together.

"Ale, what the hell are you talking about?" Her emotional state was starting to scare you; Alexia wasn't one to cry, and it seemed like whatever she was crying about had to do with you.

"You do everything, the dishes, cleaning, the laundry. I barely say thank you. You took weeks off work to come to the world cup with me. I haven't taken you on a date since then, and it's been months. We never do anything fun, anything you want to do, and I didn't even notice. I'm a horrible girlfriend," she finished, lip quivering as she looked at you, with so much guilt, so much sorrow, you felt your heart shatter.

"You are not a horrible girlfriend. You've had an insane year, the least I can do is support you," you told her, placing both hands on her cheeks in an effort to make her listen.

"And now you have to comfort me, because I'm crying, because I've realized I'm a horrible girlfriend," she continued, not really hearing you.

"Alexia Putellas, do not say that again," you firmly told her, and her eyes flew up to yours at your sudden change in tone. "You are my favorite person. You've gone through so much this year, of course you've been distracted. I want to do anything that makes it easier on you, truly," you paused. You didn't want to lie, but you really didn't want to make her feel any worse.

"I mean, yeah, it's been a while since you've taken me on a date, or since we've done anything together except hangout and watch TV. And yeah, sometimes I wish you'd make more time for me," at this, Alexia’s looked like you’d just told her that her entire family was dead, and it was her fault. You rushed to continue, wanting to rid her of guilt as fast as humanely possible. “But I get it, I really do. You don’t need to feel guilty, Alexia, I’m not upset.”

“You should be,” she said miserably.

“Well, I’m not. I’ll only be upset if you insist on feeling guilty.”

She looked conflicted, and you laughed.

“Alexia, my love, it’s okay. If you really want to, we can go back home and you can wait on me and fold the laundry. And tomorrow you can take me out to dinner. And after that, you can take more time for me, in general.”

The Catalan suddenly looked determined. Without another word uttered, she grabbed your hand and stood up, pulling you back in the direction of your apartment. You suddenly weren’t sure you’d have very much to do in the coming days. When Alexia got her mind on something, she always did it, all the way. Always.

- - - - -

This would be how you found yourself in the bathtub, an absurd amount of candles lit, wrapped up in Alexia’s arms as she lay soft kisses on your temple every so often.

You were incredibly relaxed, and incredibly comfortable.

“I love you, y/n. So much. I’m sorry I haven’t been better about showing it.” She whispered eventually.

“I know you do, love. I’ve never doubted that. I love you too, ridiculous girl.”

“Ridiculous?!” she cried, looking offended

“You just tried to feed me a chocolate covered strawberry. In the bath. You also lit every candle we have in the house. We got home 20 minutes ago, Alexia, and I didn’t even know we had strawberries. Or chocolate.”

She huffed indignantly, and you laughed, pressing back against her, even though you were already as close to her as you could get.

“You’re my favorite person. Any time I get to spend with you is special, because you are special. I don’t care what we do, as long as I get to do it with you.” You told her, allowing yourself to really be vulnerable for the first time that evening.

“Joder, y/n,” she choked out, and you realized she was crying again.

“Ale, what’s gotten into you? Crying twice in one day?”

“Cállate,” she responded, but it really lacked any bite when she said it through tears.

“My sensitive girl,” you teased.

“Only for you.” she promised, and you tilted your head to look up at her. Green eyes found yours, sparkling with love and unshed tears. You reached up, wiping a stray tear off her face, before tugging her down to kiss you.

Her lips pressed against yours, moving perfectly in sync. They were soft and full, and they expressed all the love that Alexia felt for you, all the love that she wasn’t always able to express.

- - - - -

[tinycoffeeroom]

end of beginning | carlos sainz

face claim: none ᡣ𐭩

requests: here !

tags: angst, break up (rebeccarlos ily pls this is just for the story)

───────── ౨ৎ ─────────

september 2023

👤 carlossainz, charles_leclerc liked by carlossainz, chares_leclerc and 70,385 others

y/nstagram boyfie won another race but looking at the second pic, i may be the real winner ❤️

carlossainz princesa, contigo a mi lado, siempre soy el ganador (princess, with you by my side, i'll always be a winner) ↳ y/nstagram stop you'll make me blush 🤭

charles_leclerc stop being gross and in love on my feed ↳ y/nstagram carlossainz should we kiss in front of him again xx ↳ carlossainz sin duda ❤️ (definitely) ↳ charles_leclerc i hate it here

user1 i want to be y/n when i grow up (i am 2 years older than her) ↳ y/nstagram then it should be i wanna be user1 when i grow up 😘 also where is your top from in your pfp, i love it!! ↳ user1 ??? im in love with you ??? it's from this little boutique near my house! i can send you one!!! ↳ y/nstagram omg i will send you the money!! 🫶

user2 this is why we stan y/n, a true girls girl ❤️ ♥️ y/nstagram

francisca.cgomes even the back of you is gorgeous ↳ y/nstagram kiss me. ↳ francisca.cgomes come here 😘 ↳ pierregasly i miss when my girlfriend was only My girlfriend ↳ y/nstagram not my fault she upgraded x ↳ pierregasly i will take carlos out on the first corner don't try me ↳ carlossainz you'll have to catch me first hombre

january 2024

liked by kellypiquet, francisca.cgomes and 39,495 others

y/nstagram bed rotting but make it 🎀 aesthetic 🎀

user1 she still watches f1 y/nsainzers there's hope ↳ user2 she hasn't been to a race in months :((( hope is dwindling

user3 the bear i'm gonna scream, cry AND throw up ↳ user4 what's the significance of the bear?? i'm new to f1 :) ↳ user3 carlos got y/n the bear when he joined f1 so she would have something to remember him by when he went away on race weekends ↳ user4 and she still has it?? it must have been like 10 years ago?? ↳ user3 roughly around that!! 2015 if i'm correct...

kellypiquet i see the red bull on your screen 😉 would love to have you back with me in the paddock, P misses her bestie ❤️ ↳ y/nstagram P saw me last week when i spoilt her rotten in the mall but i may take you up on that offer ❤️

user2 y/n in the red bull garages??? y/nsainzers i fear we've lost her... ↳ user1 carlos may be moving to red bull don't give up hope best friend!

march 2024

liked by charles_leclerc, scuderiaferrari and 924,495 others

carlossainz P1 in Australia :) thank you for the well wishes guys, maybe my appendix was what was holding me back 😉🎉

landonorris booking the surgery rn ↳ carlossainz you still wouldn't win muppet ↳ landonorris wow carlos... low blow

user1 the last pic... pls say it's y/n PLEASEEEEEEEEEE acc on my knees rn ↳ user2 i'm down there with you best friend

iamrebeccad congrats mister!! next up: the world championship ♥️ carlossainz

user3 ^^ um guys ↳ user2 don't ↳ user1 don't.

charles_leclerc i'll get you next time... ↳ carlossainz ok charlie, i believe you

scuderiaferrari forza carlos! congrats on P1, not even surgery could keep you down 💪 ↳ user5 you bitches don't deserve to celebrate

maxverstappen1 strong fight there mr sainz! looking forward to japan where i'll be back on top! ↳ carlossainz fuck you This comment has been deleted

user3 UM GUYS??????? ↳ user2 do not look at f1wagupdates i'm being so serious ↳ user1 well now i have to FUCK

liked by user8, user9 and 93,283 others

f1wagupdates Carlos Sainz seen kissing Scottish model Rebecca Donaldson following his Australia GP win. He was previously linked to long time girlfriend Y/N L/N but the pair haven't been seen together since December last year. We guess this marks the end of their decade long relationship.

user2 carlos sainz i'm in your walls.

user1 man, fuck carlos sainz

user3 3 months ?? if that ?? glad his appendix burst ↳ user2 reports (twitter) are saying R + C were first seen together in January... ↳ user3 the c*rlos s*inz voodoo doll is being made as we speak.

user4 all men do is lie. what happened to "until the end of time"... i don't believe in love anymore

user5 i feel so bad for rebecca, y/n's so loved by the paddock and the fans ↳ user3 obvs no hate to rebecca, she's gorgeous and i'm sure she's lovely, this is solely carlos hate ♥️ user1, user2 and 19,349 others

user6 bro fumbled the bag with y/n man

👤 kellypiquet, maxverstappen1, landonorris, redbullracing liked by landonorris, kellypiquet and 58,395 others

y/nstagram different point of view 💙

redbullracing pleasure to have you back in the paddock y/n! see you in japan? 👀 ↳ y/nstagram i'll be there best friends (pls stock up on coconut red bulls) 🫶 ↳ redbullracing 🫡

kellypiquet the last pic?? i love you so much?? ↳ y/nstagram y'all are so cute i couldn't stop myself 🤭

maxverstappen1 thanks for coming y/n! i've missed seeing you around ↳ y/nstagram missed you too maxie! P says she wants me to come to every race so you may be stuck with me this year! ↳ maxverstappen1 just please don't steal my girlfriend ↳ y/nstagram she may be your girlfriend but she's My wife ♥️ kellypiquet

francisca.cgomes why didn't you tell me you were coming!! i would have ditched pierre :(( ↳ pierregasly everyday i wake up ↳ y/nstagram unfortunately ↳ pierregasly bro...

landonorris you got the champagne shot in action! missed seeing you around bug! ↳ y/nstagram had to see it with my own two eyes! congrats on the podium lan, you so deserve it ❤️ ↳ landonorris let's get dinner tomorrow, it's been too long ↳ user1 mr norizz shooting his shot on main damn ↳ landonorris 🤷‍♂️

carmenmmundt all the girls are getting together for dinner and drinks, you coming babe? ↳ y/nstagram i'm having dinner with kelly, max and P but i'll join for drinks after ❤️

user2 goodbye goodbye y/nsainzer's you were brighter than the whole sky ↳ user3 y/n deserves the world, if That Man couldn't give it to her that's on him.

june 2024

👤 kellypiquet, carmenmmundt, francisca.cgomes, alexandrasaintmleux, lilymhe liked by kellypiquet, carmenmmundt and 58,029 others

y/nstagram healing ❤️

Comments on this post have been turned off.

[nicstylus]

No wonder he always went to Ghastly for advice

okay so ive been rereading skulduggery pleasant and i just wanted to drop in and say that fletcher is trans, have a nice day

[seasidefae]

hellooo. i wanted to celebrate 100 followers somehow (thank you for following this yapper who can't drive!) i've been thinking about the carcar wag!oscar au A LOT. but since i don't have enough time and the creative energy to sort all these thoughts out into one 3k word one-shot right now, here are some more headcanons

welcome to the full throttle universe

i aged up oscar a little bit so they have a 4-year age difference. 26-year old oscar piastri, architect extraordinaire, with his passion projects that are mainly education and sports related. he also jumps at any chance to participate in pro bono projects for local charities in australia.

that’s how he met carlos, at a gala in madrid oscar wasn’t even supposed to attend but the company needed someone to proxy, kiss ass and what not, and everyone else was busy. oscar thought carlos was an obnoxious 1-percenter trust fund baby asshole who spilled wine all over him (accidentally), meanwhile carlos is the epitome of that one viral tiktok audio going “blah blah blah proper name place name back story stuff” while oscar is angrily whisper-yelling at him. the cherry on top of it all is when oscar complained about his expensive suit being ruined and carlos went, “i will just buy you a new one.” oscar almost punched him. almost.

oscar hasn’t forgotten about the whole ordeal even a year later when he and carlos met again at wimbledon. again, oscar got tickets from a friend and he was alone. carlos was also alone. unsurprisingly, he doesn’t recognize oscar at first. at that point oscar knows this is the rude guy at the gala but he’s aware that this is carlos sainz jr aka formula 1 driver carlos sainz jr. carlos is friendly and enthusiastic, talking in the general direction of oscar about tactics and carlos alcaraz. oscar blurts out, “i thought you were a golf guy.” that’s when carlos finally turns to him and recognition hits. (the attraction hasn’t changed either) he brought oscar to meet carlos alcaraz after, got his number, and the rest is history.

oscar first started appearing in carlos’ ig stories in the 2024 season. they had a year to really think about whether or not they want to commit. turns out they do. whenever carlos is asked about it, he just says, “oh that’s oscar” and redirects the question when he’s asked for details.

ig stories from carlos:

oscar’s ig is private, as well as all his other socials. he has like 50 followers, just friends and family that have been warned about leaks, so he has no trouble posting carlos.

ig stories from oscar:

has carlos ever slipped? the guy is tight lipped when he wants to. but mention oscar within his vicinity and he’ll have that smile that can’t be helped. people can speculate all they want.

oscar first started showing up to races in australia ‘24 aka 2 weeks after carlos’ surgery aka the race he won. oscar tried to talk him out of racing post-surgery but carlos insisted.

that’s also when the rumors started to really hit. like at first it’s a cute little thing that only 5 people have talked about, and the rest accepted the faceless guy in carlos’ ig stories and post as some rando friend named oscar. probably a childhood friend? his sister’s boyfriend? he’s not even tagged. but after australia, seeing oscar in the garage wearing the red headset, having his lower third be just “Oscar Piastri” when he appears on screen, and greeting Carlos at parc ferme when he won definitely raised some suspicion a lot more. it’s not like they weren’t ready for that. it took countless of meetings with pr people that oscar hated, a decision left fully in oscar’s hands and not carlos’ because carlos understands oscar’s need for privacy. “piñon and him have a lot in common.” going to the australian gp was more out of necessity. (for himself, considering he'll be sick with worry staying at home and wondering if carlos, who was 3-weeks post surgery, would fare okay. he just wants to make sure he's FINE.)

[abuzd]

DISCHARGE DAY!!! no complications!! drains out tomorrow!!!!

WE MADE IT!!!

TITTS!!!!OFF!!!!!!!!

[avaf00rd]

Here with me

Leah Williamson x reader

Based off: HERE WITH ME - D4VD

Cried making this. It think it’s just the song anyways.

enjoy

————————————————————————

watch the sunrise along the coast

as we’re both getting old

I can’t describe what I’m feeling

You both sat up against a large rock, sitting on the sand. You somehow managed to get your girlfriend up at this ‘Godly hour’ to see the sunrise. You adored the sunrise and seeing it with your person made it 100 times better.

She rubbed circles and heart shapes on your thighs as she laid in your lap. The orange light already beaming onto her beautiful blonde and perfect features. “You look so beautiful I could cry” you said in an almost whisper to the girl in your lap.

“What?” She smiled, not quite getting what you muttered.

“I said you look so beautiful I could cry” you slightly giggled. It wasn’t a lie, just seeing her face gave you a sense of gratitude, the fact that someone just like her could love you somehow.

She gave you a sad smile. Not in a sad way. But in a way that, what you said got her in her feelings. “I tell you every flipping day but my girl I’ve never seen anyone like you” she said, quickly sitting up so she could peck your lips.

“I love you” you said for maybe the millionth time just since you got to the beach, deciding the quick peck on the lips given to you wasn’t enough, so you pulled her in for a longer kiss filled of love.

“I love you” she said once you had both pulled away. She settled herself to lay back down in your lap “can we just say here forever? Corny I know. But I never want to leave right here.” She said squeezing your hands she held close to her chest.

“Corny but, If I could have it my way I would stay here until we are old and grey”

“Ok Shakespeare” she giggled fidgeting with your fingers

“How is that Shakespeare?” You laughed at the blonde you held close

“You just have a good way with words” you smiled at her words.

“I could go on forever and ever about my love to you” you kissed the top of her head before you both fell into a comfortable silence, eyes fixated on the horizon.

So please don’t let me go

You both sat upright on a bench in the middle of the medical room at emirates stadium. You had just finished your match, that she was earlier pulled off from, when Leah was confirmed she had done her ACL, she knew the second she heard the pop and the pain that rushed thought her knee.

But hearing it straight up from a professional hurt. A lot. You held the girl tightly in your arms, she had completely collapsed into your chest once the medics said they would give you a second and shut the door behind them.

“Oh my girl. I’m with you every step. You’ve got me you’ve got me. Everything is going to be ok I promise you Leah” you reassured the crying girl balled up in your arms. You felt your voice start to crack with your words.

After 5-10 more minutes. Leah felt she had no more tears left to cry. “Baby what can I do for your right now” you asked quietly, kissing her forehead multiple times softly.

“Just don’t let go” she mumbled, you pulled her in even tighter as you held her.

“Never” you said, your chin resting on her head, as Leah sat there in thought.

I don’t care how long it takes

As long as I’m with you I’ve got a smile on my face

“I’m so excited to see you!” You exclaimed through your MacBook screen. You were currently in Australia for camp, Leah wasn’t at England camp as she was still in recovery after surgery.

“Don’t forget that little water bottle” Leah pointed to behind you though the screen, a spare water bottle of yours sitting high up on the window sill.

“Thank you honey” you chuckled after she pointed it out, you grabbing it. You would be heading downstairs to the lobby with almost of your luggage, heading back to London.

“You would not have seen that” she laughed

“Probably not” you said zipping up you carry on properly. “Okay baby I’ll call you on my plane, but I’ve gotta pack my computer and head down now” you said to the computer on the bench.

“No worries. And I’ll just contact you about picking you up. I think I’ve got the right time you’ll land”

“Yay” you smiled at her

“I’ll just wait at baggage and look for the brunette with the beaming smile. And the dark tan” she said motioning to the dark colour your skin developed while being back in your country.

“Love you” you blew a kiss at her through the FaceTime

“Love you more bye” she kissed back before hanging up.

All I know is your here with me

You held your girlfriend’s hand as you dragged her through the hall down to the right cinema. “Here, screen 3!” You said pointing to the large number outside the cinema door

Leah had already seen this movie multiple times, it was supposed to be scary. It was a rerun that they were playing in the movie theatre, you of course took at as the opportunity for a date night.

You held hands once you both get seated, Leah always slightly got annoyed at the large divider between seats at the theatre, which is why she preferred being able to cuddle you for hours in your apartment together whilst watching a movie.

Like most movies, you asked Leah multiple questions, most of them you knew the full answer to and what was going on. But you knew how much your girlfriend loved when you asked her questions in films, it made her happy explaining it to you and made her feel smart.

“Thanks for coming with me. I know you’ve seen it heaps. I just wouldn’t wanna see it with anyone but you” you whispered into her ear sweetly.

“Wouldn’t miss this, you’re the best person to see it with” she said into your ear, before quickly kissing below it.

Just after she pulled away, a jump scare on the large screen in front of you made your heart want to jump out of your skin. Leah quietly laughed at your antics and pulled you arm closer, bringing you head into the crook of her neck.

I wish I could live through every memory again

Just one more time before we float off in the wind

The day you married the love of your life and best friend was a million times better than any other day in your life you name ‘the best day of your life’. You truly could cry of happiness, and you already had, multiple times.

Your kept on having to hold your index finger to the bottom of your eyes as you read your vows, right hand in hand with hers, in front of all your favourite people in your life. But let those tears of happiness fall when she read her vows to you out loud.

You sat down at a table, long white dresses on both you and your newly wife, surrounded by your close families.

“Hey I’m Jacob, Leah’s brother and now y/n’s brother. Although it has always felt like you are a close sister to me since Leah introduced me to you” his words on the short stage made you heart melt. “Before I go on a long speech, not too long don’t panic, I just want to show two lovers a special video made by the people here tonight. We love you” he said slightly bring his champagne glass up towards you, before running to his computer connected to a cord on a projector.

He played a video on the large screen in front of everyone. The video had old vintage love songs as a background tune, as sweet videos of you Leah. Taken by you two and by others played. You immediately leaned into Leah as you both watched in awe. Just so happy. All your favourite memories with you and your wife played from when you first met at Arsenal at the age of 20, to now, as you were wiping tears away for the tenth time.

Then a series of videos played of people congratulating you on your marriage, like other high footballers and other special people in your life, as well as everyone at a table in the large room full of your loved ones.

You both went up and hugged him tightly, tears in your eyes, Leah told him over and over of how grateful for him she is.

Listening to your parents’ speeches and both your siblings of all the memories throughout your journey together made your life feel complete.

But today didn’t fill a piece of your life missing like most would, that last piece was placed in your life the moment Leah first ever said a word to you even years ago.

—————————

Short, but like always I must sleep now

Lyyy!!! Please send in requests🤍

[mercy-misrule]

Abuser of children, complicit in the mass coverup and denial of child abuse by the Catholic church, the most powerful catholic priest in Australia and top ten in the world, is dead

fuckin monster, hope he burns in the hell he believes in

Other great hits include him calling to bring the fucking inquisition against German priests who asked the church to change their stance about LGBT people!

Hope it was painful.

[official-penis-posts]

I notice you’re having a couple of trans men asking about stuff lately and I’ve just recently put together a document with some info about transitioning for a few other people who had been asking me so I figured I’d send an ask and see if anyone would be interested in a Dropbox link to that doc.

I’m an Aussie so specialists and surgeons I’ve mentioned are Australia specific (particularly hunter valley/Newcastle region) but the general info about processes and HRT would be fine.

I do also add to the document from time to time as I remember more details to add to it or as I find out more info as I go through things myself.

I’m pretty open about being a transman so even if anyone want to dm me with some questions I’d be fine with that too. (FtM 7 years on T [1 year on gel format and the remainder on injections], 2 years post top surgery + 1 year post full hysterectomy & currently looking into phallo)

Hey thank you for sharing this!

[abuzd]

[he/they] — top surgery update! i’m two weeks post op now! getting my nïp bandages removed on dec 19 2024 :)