#took like three days for this punchline do you like it

[podcastwizard]

Cock and balls at 20k king?

one like and i'll post shaft

[jks1uv]

𝑌𝑜𝑢 𝐻𝑎𝑣𝑒𝑛’𝑡 𝑆𝑒𝑒𝑛 𝑀𝑦 𝑀𝑎𝑛 ; jack reacher

| one-shot |

summary: your boyfriend is a sight to behold.

pairing: fem!reader x alan ritchson!jack reacher.

trope: established relationship.

genre: fluff + romance.

warnings‼️: crude language + alan ritchson is 6’3 but jack reacher is 6’5 in the books so that's what i'm going with + tall!reader since she’s 5’8 (my height) & i say that's pretty tall for a woman & there’s just smth ab large height gaps that make me so uncomfortable + a guy gets a bit too comfortable but big ole season 1 6’5 reacher takes care of it giggles maniacally + mentions of alcohol consumption + implications of sex but it's still sfw + mentions of toxic friendships (jealousy is a disease y’all! either stay safe or get well soon!).

word count: 2,693.

random disclaimerrr: JACK REACHER’S SAUR FINE OMG HE’S SO BIG & TALL & DIRECT & STRONG & SO SO SMART LIKE UGH I NEED DAT‼️happy reading! ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ ♡ © 2024 @jks1uv

────♡♡♡────

“What is he, like six-three, six-four?”

“Goddamn. He’s fucking huge.”

“Mmm, try six-five.” You giggle as your friends stare shocked and dumbfounded.

Reacher saw you in town at the local library and ‘bout damn near broke his neck doing a doubletake.

You were browsing in the classic literature section, not really looking for anything.

But you looked so beautiful.

You were in your element and in his mind, there's nothing else that makes anyone more attractive.

He sauntered up to you and and showed you his favorite, which you so happened to finish before making your trip there. He chuckled as you gushed about the novel and indulged you in friendly fire about the interpreted meaning(s). He then asked if you were free to hang out to which you agreed as long as you pick the place.

You weren't an idiot. You took his size and build into careful consideration as nowadays, you never know what might happen.

Besides, no matter how well-read, handsome and charming a man may seem, never trust him at first glance.

So, you played it smart. Only telling him what he asked for, smiling to be polite and insisting on paying for your own things as you put it so eloquently.

“It’s fine, Reacher. We aren't dating.”

Of course, he took notice of your boundaries and was impressed at how subtly direct they were drawn.

Two more hangouts in public spaces later, he asked you out on a date. You thought he'd earned it along with your number.

That was three months ago.

You told your friends a few days prior to the present situation and they were ecstatic. They understood what kind of woman you are and if a man caught your eye, he must be worth your time.

So, they arranged for a triple date disguised as a dinner with their boyfriends. They begged you to say yes to the inevitable hangout-turned-gossip sesh-with-the-girls.

Who were you to deny them of this one, little thing?

That’s how you ended up seated at a table in a sports bistreaux. Jack is at the bar with your friends' boyfriends.

You take a sip of your soda and your friends eye each other before breaking out in a fit of uncontrable laughter.

“What, what's so funny?”

“Nothing!” Ayla blurts out but as soon as she looks over at your other friend, Trinity, she's giggling all over again.

They smack each other and are smiling so hard, Ayla is on the verge of tears.

“Okay, okay.” Trinity catches her breath.

“We were just thinking abut how, like, you said he’s 6’5, right?”

“And you’re… 5’8?”

You nod at them curious to what they’re trying to insinuate.

“So, Y/n.” Ayla draws out with an airy voice.

“Does he even fit the bed? You know, when you two-”

“Oh my god.” You groan.

They wildly cackle at your response and deem it’s hilarious but you can’t help but smile, however ludicrous their response may be.

“You guys are so ridiculous.”

You take another sip of your soda and feel yourself in the line of someone’s eyes.

You look up and meet his. It seems he’s in a similar situation; being the punchline for the poorest taste in humor.

He shrugs slightly and you smile at him. He smiles back and looks away to take a bite out of his food.

You feel great about this; the relationship, Reacher. All of it.

Nothing can ruin any of it for you.

“Oh shit.”

Ayla bursts your little bubble of content with disbelief and, well, you can’t say nothing lasts forever.

“Don’t turn around right now-”

And of course, you do the exact opposite. Your curiosity gets the best of you but it isn’t necessarily a bad thing, per say.

“You shouldn’t have started with that.” Trinity shakes her head.

The people in your line of view consist of your ex-best friend and her boyfriend who used to be like an older brother to you. A friend.

You watch as they walk towards a table of equally shallow bodies of pathetic people. You turn back around and don’t look at your friends. You’re suddenly hit with an embarrassing hotness in your stomach and your heart’s beating fast.

Bitch, what, you scared?

You claim you’re not and try to slow down your palpitations by dipping for a minute.

“Bathroom. I’ll be right back.”

You don’t even glimpse at your friends and walk straight to the back but of course you’re friends follow you.

Trinity explains how you’re going to the bathroom and she’ll stand outside for you to Reacher but he doesn’t buy your story. He saw the look on your face and your urgent stride added on. But he doesn’t pry, not yet anyway.

You stand in front of the mirror and will yourself to just breathe. You remind yourself you’re not scared, you’re not a pussy. It’s just nerves on fire as you haven’t thought of them in months.

Ayla wants to go inside to check in on you but Trinity disagrees.

“This is something she needs to do on her own.”

“I know.” Ayla sighs and checks the time on her watch.

“Excuse me.” A voice curtly intervenes.

Meet Darcy Pratt, aka a psychotic, mentally ill, two-faced narcissistic, bigoted bitch who is also, somehow, a people pleaser.

“It’s a one-stall bathroom.” Trinity wittily replies with a fake smile.

“Sure it is.” She nods.

Ayla scoffs. “We don’t know how to lie like you.”

“Okay, wow.” Trinity puts her hand on Ayla’s shoulder in warning but the she ignores it.

“What are you trying to say?” Darcy challenges to which Ayla graciously accepts ‘cause momma ain’t momma no bitch!

While all of this is going on, your heart’s calmed down enough for you to go back out there.

You deeply inhale and exhale one last time and as soon as you open the door, it’s chaos central.

“Bitch, please-”

“Who the fuck you callin’ a ‘bitch’, bitch?”

So much is happening at once and you don’t know why but you know what to do.

“What is going on here?”

All 3 girls stop talking and look at you.

“We were just leaving.” Ayla seethes.

“Finally, some common ground.” Trinity mutters while she hastily leads the way.

You awkwardly purse your lips and walk away from Darcy but she doesn’t return the sentiment.

She rolls her eyes and mocks with bitterness.

“Yeah, go on. Walk away from this, too.”

You stop dead in your tracks.

“You know what? Fine.” Trinity huffs and turns around.

Ayla’s itching for a fight now, a crazy rush of adrenaline pumps through her veins.

You weren’t going to start a fight since finishing one was always your style but this was something you couldn’t ignore.

“We haven’t spoke in months and that’s what you wanna say to me? Really?”

You’re not talking too loud but you’re not exactly timid with it, either.

Darcy rolls her eyes and crosses her arms.

“Oh, please, Y/n. You literally ran to the bathroom when I walked in so don’t act all big and bad now.”

You scoff at her audacity. “If you think I’m scared of you then you’re even more delusional than I know.”

You choose to walk away with your dignity intact but alas. Some people just can’t stand it when others display amounts of maturity they can only speak of.

Trinity and Ayla split the bill before you even ask to leave and have already told the waitress to bring a few to-go boxes.

As you wait, they tell their boyfriends and Reacher that you three are gonna go explore the boutique next-door.

You pack up the remaining food and remember the events that lead to you breaking off an 11 year friendship.

She was like a sister to you. Always there for you through thick and thin, cheering you on and encouraging you to come out of your comfort zone.

She just had to grow jealous and miserable, making her own problems the pinnacle of her life.

What about your problems? What about how you feel?

Whatever. That’s all in the past.

You have some great things going for you in the present and you are not about to let yesterday’s grief ruin tomorrow’s happiness.

“You okay?” Trinity bumps your shoulder with hers in an attempt to cheer you up.

It works, you give her a small smile and nod.

“I’m ready to get the fuck outta here.” Ayla yawns.

“Bruh.”

Her bipolarity is something you’ll never get used to.

“Y/n?”

You turn around at the sound of your boyfriend calling you.

He gets up from the stool and walks over to you.

You know what he’s doing; staring into your eyes to really see what’s going on and why you wanna leave all of a sudden.

Your nervousness grows the closer he comes and you can’t look in his eyes for more than a couple seconds.

“Hey,” He murmurs.

He places a hand on your shoulder and you put on a fake smile.

“What’s going on?”

His attentiveness is so endearing, especially when it’s towards you. You feel special every time you’re on the receiving end of his treatment.

Your friends eye each other and back away a bit, giving you two some space.

“Nothing, I’m just not feeling well.

He gives you a look that says, ‘I know you’re lying’ but he still doesn’t pry.

You’re grateful for that but you know he won’t let either of you sleep until you tell him what’s been chewing on you later, but that’s later.

“I promise.” You lie.

He sighs.

“Okay, but I-”

“Yo, Y/n!”

Fuck.

You close your eyes like it’ll make everything disappear. Like it’ll undo everything.

Reacher turns his shoulders sideways and furrows his eyebrows a bit at the sound.

He sees a guy a quarter of his size and a few inches shorter than him practically galloping towards your small group.

Asha and Eve exchange glances and their boyfriends stand up from the stool as well.

“Heard you called my girl crazy?”

You smack your teeth and sigh deeply. Your fingers pinch the bridge of your nose in exasperation.

Reacher takes this as a sign and steps up.

He’s almost covering you now but it’s comical to see him peer down the guy you used to call your friend.

“I think you could’ve handled that way better. Don’t you?”

“Reacher.” You touch his shoulder but he ignores your unspoken request.

He’s not about to let this random come and disrespect you, and he’s certainly not about to let it go either.

“Josh, stop.”

It’s faux embarrassment, you can obviously tell.

Darcy doesn’t give a fuck about Josh doing the confronting for her. As long as he speaks up first, she’ll just piggyback off of him and bring up irrelevant shit to misdirect the entire conversation.

This isn’t your first rodeo.

“Nah, that ain’t fair.” He remarks without looking at her.

“You talk all this shit when we’re not around but now that we’re here, you don’t wanna talk anymore?”

Josh steps around Reacher and is just half a step away from getting in your face.

He’s yanked back before another breath can slip out of his mouth and you see Reacher slam him face-down onto the nearest countertop.

“Woah, man!”

“Oh shiiiit.”

“Get his ass!”

Some people turn to look at the person who shouted that last sentence.

“What? He had it comin’.” Ayla defends.

Your hands fly to your face on reflex and your eyes are wide in shock. You didn’t know what to expect but it wasn’t this.

“Don’t you ever make that mistake again, do you hear me?”

He scorns the other so-called ‘man’.

He reckons any guy with a brain should know not to get in a woman’s face, no matter the situation. But desperate times call for desperate measures and if Reacher was supposed to school him, then he’ll teach this lesson with great enthusiasm.

Josh has one arm bent behind him on his back and Reacher’s manhandling him with one hand.

Is it wrong to state how turned on swooned you are in this moment?

Other people are starting to crowd and look at the ongoing spectacle, tuning you back in.

“Y/n! Do something!” Trinity whisper-screams.

“What the fuck is she supposed to do? He’s almost a foot taller than her and big as is anyway.”

Ayla makes a fair point but you know Reacher would do just about anything you’d ask.

“Reacher,” You call out softly.

A few seconds go by before he turns his head slightly to where you could see his side-profile.

“Let’s go.”

You don’t know if this’ll work but you ought to try.

“Look, man. I-I don’t want any trouble-”

Reacher sneers at his pathetic quivering. “You couldn’t even afford it.”

And with that, he lets him go.

Reacher fixes his jacket a bit and gives you a once over. His blue eyes scan your face and body and once he’s satisfied, he walks out with your hand in his.

────♡♡♡────

It’s always quiet when he’s over.

You guys order takeout, watch a movie or start a show, you’ll fall asleep and he’ll carry you to your bed while he sleeps on the couch.

Except, none of that is happening tonight.

You’re sitting on your bed and he’s in the living room double checking the doors, windows and other things with handles and locks on them.

It’s unusually quiet, especially for the day you’ve just had. So quiet, that you don’t even hear his footsteps padding in your direction.

They stop at the door and he’s leaning against it, analyzing you.

“Spill.”

You look up and see a serious look on the face but it isn’t mean. It’s more of a ‘I need to know why whatever happened today transpired so we can move on’ look. And you get it, you figured he’d ask sooner or later.

“He’s the boyfriend of one of my ex-best friends.” You admit.

“We used to be friends, he was like an older brother to me.”

He sits down next to you.

“Darcy was acting weird and I didn’t like it so when I went to confront her, of course she didn’t appreciate it. She got Josh to do some of her bidding and I just broke it off with the both of them.”

You look at Reacher and he’s nods a couple times.

“How long ago was that?”

You pour your lips to the side in thought.

“Like, months ago. Almost six, I think.”

His eyebrows are raised and he stares at you.

“And I thought you held a grudge.”

That makes you smile a bit.

“Shut up.” You mumble while pushing his shoulder with your knuckles.

He shrugs and looks back at you, an expression of care adorning his face.

“Has he done that before?”

You know he’s referencing to how close he got to your face out of spite and you answer him truthfully.

“Yeah.” You sigh.

“Trinity was there and she told him to back off, which he did. She was saying how he shouldn’t do that and how unnecessary it was and I appreciate her for that, I do.”

You take a moment to reflect on how history has repeated itself.

“Just wish it was me saying those things but I think I was just in shock at how fast it all happened.”

He hums thoughtfully before inquiring about his girlfriend.

“Darcy didn’t say or do anything.” You dryly comment.

He hears your disappointment behind it and wishes so badly he was there.

You look down at your hands and his large ones interlock your fingers with his. He rubs his thumb across yours in a soothing manner.

“But I did.”

He takes your hand up to his lips and presses a kiss of promise onto it.

The act makes you smile and you turn to hug him. Your arms make their place around his neck and his around you, his hands almost take up your entire back.

“I’ll have your back. Always.”

“I know.” You smile into his shoulder.

[trashcanfanfics]

Can you please write a oneshot about Alastor after he had a fight with reader, and he clearly was the one in the wrong. What does he do to make it up? Does he realize it himself or does someone like Rosie or someone from the hotel have to point it out to him. Does he feel guilty? Did he make reader cry? Sorry if this is too much or too sad.

What a way to rise from the dead

He doesn't know what happened, really. One second he was telling jokes and you were laughing, the next you were in a heated argument. Something about him trying to push a punchline that you thought was hurtful and him disagreeing heavily. The argument was brief and he just didn't close his damned mouth fast enough.

"Perhaps you should learn to just take a joke, my dear. Wouldn't want to become a flat tire, now, would we?" His ever present smile held more condescension than he'd ever directed towards you before. your fists shook at your sides and you glared at him with all the rage and heartbreak you felt.

"I need space." And with that, you'd turned on your heel and left the hotel entirely. Alastor shrugged it off and sat down at the concierge-slash-bar to enjoy a drink.

It had been hours since then and Alastor hadn't made any moves to try to find you or remedy the situation. He did notice that his drinks have all tasted sour. At some point he knew he was going to have to face you again. The feeling in his stomach was curious but he was sure it's because of the amount of giggle water in his system.

"God, has anyone seen that asshole?" A certain feminine spider came down the stairs. "I've got a thing in thirty minutes and they still have my fuckin' glue." Angel rounded the pillar and looked at Alastor, tipsy, and squinted.

"They haven't been here most the day." Husk was grumpily cleaning a glass. "Why don't you text 'em?" Angel flopped halfway on the bar and half on a stool, a little too close for Alastor's liking. He decided that he was too sloshed to care much. The spider sighed and rolled his eyes.

"I tried that!" All four of his arms raised up in exasperation. "They ain't answerin'! I sent three already! Ugh, I'm gonna have to go to the store!" Two sets of arms crossed to show his annoyance. Alastor paused at this. It wasn't like you not to answer after the second text. Were you injured? Had you gotten lost? Was someone else bothering you right now? Was someone...entertaining you? More than he did? He couldn't bare it and stood abruptly, only to stumble slightly. The Radio Demon regained his footing and rushed into the shadows, leaving behind the two sinners. He'd ignored Angel's snicker at his less than stable start and focused more on finding your energy. It was harder in this state but he was determined.

You were sitting in a secluded garden of blood red roses near the more peaceful part of Cannibal Colony. It had been a few hours since you left and you keep going over how Alastor insinuated you were boring for not wanting to be the butt of a joke. It hurt you and made you angry at him for trying to turn it back on you. You'd spent too much of your life hearing other people tell you that you're "too sensitive" or "need to take a joke". You won't tolerate it in death and especially not from your boyfriend.

A loud thump ripped you from your thoughts. You looked in the direction of the noise and see Alastor, halfway in a rosebush. He hardly took notice as his eyes met yours. His smile almost looked strained and his eyes glassy.

"Darling! There you are!" He stumbled out of the bush, pants ripped enough to almost see his leg. He rushed to your side and tripped, falling to his knees. You looked down at him as he grasped your legs and looked up at you, slightly dazed.

"Are...Are you drunk?" His smile lifted at your voice and he sighed dreamily up at you. "Oh my god." He tried to get up again but his foot caught a rock and he slipped back down. You stumbled a little as he grasped your legs tighter during this.

"Dar-darling, where have you been? It's been hours!" He looked back up at you. "I missed you! Can we get home?" You couldn't believe what you were seeing. Alastor, The Radio Demon, was drunk and on his knees in front of you. A small part of you felt powerful like this, but you quickly tucked it away. You sighed.

"Yeah, let's get you home." You reached down and helped him to his feet. He leaned on you as you both made your way out of the garden. "I can't believe you're out in public like this." He giggled, actually giggled, in response and sighed as he leaned more on you.

"Mwen sonje ou ba ou dabitid mwen." You were sure that was a language but it was slightly slurred from his lips. With no other ideas, you pat his back and continued on. He took a deep breath and then disappeared into the shadows. You stopped and looked around.

"Alastor? What the fuck?" You groaned in annoyance. "Alastor!" You trudged back towards the hotel in a huff. He was going to have so much apologizing to do tomorrow.

Alastor, however, had face planted right into his bed. He rolled over and looked around. His room in the hotel was spinning and he couldn't see his darling, dearest, sweetest love anywhere. Had he not brought them with him? Did they go away again? His smile wobbled and his vision grew blurry. Was he not what they wanted? Hasn't he always provided for them? Did they not like his cooking? Or his jokes? Oh. Oh that was why. The joke from earlier. Tears dripped down his face. Oh no.

You made your way into the hotel and up the first flight of steps before heading for the elevator. Angel's voice called to you from halfway down the hall.

"Where's my fuckin' glue!" The only response he got was a quick "on my dresser" before the elevator doors shut. You tapped your foot impatiently. If he wasn't here you were going to scream. Idly, you wondered if he was even drunk and just trying to get you to interact with him. He didn't like going too long without talking to you unless it was his choice, and even then it wouldn't be more than two hours max. You'd gone nearly five before he found you.

The end of the hallway on the fourth floor was usually dark due to the fixture breaking about a year back and no one fixing it. It was the way Alastor liked it. "Easier to get a good spook in and deter those who bother me", he'd say. It never really bothered you, oddly enough. Especially now, since you could hear the muffled sniffles of your lover. You knocked on the door.

"Alastor? Im coming in!" You only got halfway in the door before you were yanked into the room and the door slammed shut. Tight arms wrapped around you and held you close to a heaving chest.

"I thought you left again! I'm sorry! For my cooking! For not giving you enough! For my jokes!" He sobbed. You blinked. Just how drunk was he? You weren't sure this was the same Alastor that would rip someone's face off, roast it, feed it back to them, and then laugh as they cried.

"Well, one of those is correct." You brought you hands up and pushed him back before tugging him to the bed. "Let's just get you to go to sleep, okay, we can talk more in the morning." God, he was a mess. Tears made his eyes redder than they were, his face was splotchy and snot was dripping out of his nose.

"But!" You didn't let him finish as you pulled back the covers and pushed him into bed. "Darling! I'm sorry!" You rolled your eyes and positioned him on his side before tucking him in.

"Okay, tell me about it tomorrow." You gently fixed his hair and kissed his forehead. His eyes closed and he hummed low. It wasn't long before his breathing became even and he was snoring slightly.

The next morning you opened your eyes to see Alastor, fit as a fiddle, staring down at you with a tray of breakfast foods in his hands. You screamed in surprise and sighed heavily after recognizing your boyfriend. Sitting up, you yawn.

"Good morning, Darling! I made you breakfast!" He set the tray down over your legs and smiled wider. You looked up at his with an eyebrow raised.

"If you think that I'm just gonna forget what happened yesterday, you're wrong." Your sentence made him droop a little.

"I'm sorry, for the joke and whatever else I did yesterday." He clicks his fingers together slightly. "I...Don't remember much." You snorted at that.

"I guess you wouldn't, but i guess...I forgive you. Just don't make any jokes like that again." You looked at the tray, which had huge servings of your favorite breakfast foods. "Now, are you going to help me eat this or not?" He eagerly jumped into the bed and beside you, making you giggle.

[alwaysxlarrie]

Didn’t know where to ask but do you know of a few fics that are fluffy Larry ? Similar to of mates and men and babes in boyland? Thanks

sorry this took so long to answer omg i had this ready to go like weeks ago but my laptop broke & formatting this on my phone was horrendous. anyway, i haven’t read of mates & men yet bc that sucker is LONG, but it’s been sitting in my read later list for a while. i rly need to read that shit bc i know it’s right up my alley 😭😭 regardless, YES!!! i always have some fluffy larry fics on hand who do you take me for

disclaimer is that some of these are pretty different from what i understand the premise of omam to be but i chose them bc of larry’s dynamic & the amount of fluff / harry is louis’ baby that occurs in them -- if you want different ones/more, just lmk !! i have a bunch on deck <3

knock knock, i love you by beautlouis

“Well,” Louis says, searching for something to relieve this tension. “I think if a bloke gets kicked out of his stats exam for a knock knock joke, he deserves to hear the punchline, yeah?”

“Oh!” Harry says, beaming. “I forgot where we left off, what was it again?” He looks overjoyed to be exchanging a shit joke.

“Ah, you said knock knock, then I said who’s there, and then you said Noah,” Louis supplies helpfully. He hates that he's actually curious about the rest of the joke. “So, Noah who?”

“Oh,” says Harry, in a much different tone, dragging out the syllable. He looks bashful now. Louis cannot keep up with this boy, it's going to kill him. “Right, well.” He shuffles his feet. Fuck, what kind of knock knock joke gets a boy nervous? “Noah a good place we could get something to eat?”

[Harry and Louis get kicked out of a statistics exam for passing a knock knock joke note, and subsequently fall in love. Harry's a virgin, there's a cat, a hot cocoa date, a lot of sex, even more knock knock jokes, and everything is lovely and happy.]

lazy days and pancakes for two by cyantific / @beyondxmeasure

They haven't seen each other in eighteen days. What better way to spend a much-needed tour break than having a lazy day watching shit TV and having breakfast in bed with your husband.

no bunny but you by crinkle-eyed-boo / @crinkle-eyed-boo

“So you saw the bunnies then?” Harry clarifies, a smirk tugging at his lips.“Yeah, those were a bit of a surprise,” Liam huffs. “I mean, they definitely weren’t part of what we commissioned from him, but they’re kind of cute, right?”Harry sputters a laugh.“What?” Liam asks, the furrow in his brow deepening. “They are cute little bunnies!”“Cute little bunnies that are fucking,” Harry snickers.“What?” Liam gasps. “Liam,” Harry says, trying to school his face into a serious expression. “Those bunnies are fucking.”

A slow Monday night behind the bar turns into something else entirely thanks to a new mural and a new customer.

promise not to fade away by you_explode / @nobodymoves

"Louis doesn’t take his eyes off Harry for the rest of his set. He doesn’t even drink his pint. He just watches, and listens, and is completely enraptured by this boy with his curls and his velvet voice. Harry plays a mixture of originals and covers (songs Louis loves, by the way, so he’s got great taste as well), and in between songs he’s cheeky and charming, and Louis is desperate to know him."

Louis is an A&R rep, and Harry is a singer/songwriter. They meet on New Years Eve.

sweetest devotion by brightgolden @brightgolden

After his divorce, all Harry wants in life is to provide a stable, loving environment for his three-year-old daughter, Evie.

Never in his wildest dreams has he ever considered that life might come with the presence of his teenage crush — Gemma’s friend from secondary school, Louis Tomlinson.

Luckily, Harry isn’t still pining over him.

Or so he thought.

walking in a winter wonderland by pinkgelpen / @girlharryofficial

Louis opens the door still in his pyjamas and Harry’s heart beats n his throat because Louis has milk at the corners of his mouth and biscuit crumbs on his chin and Harry thinks that this is what love might feel like, having your heart beat in your fingertips and rattle your body in an attempt to break free and give itself over to the object of your affection.

(Harry has a serious crush on Louis Tomlinson that ends up with him accidentally signing up to be on the Winter Ball committee)

what do you mean he's coming? by mediawhore / @mediawhorefics

When Harry accepted to be his sister’s Maid of Honour, despite how non-traditional of a choice he was, he didn’t think writing a speech for the wedding reception would be this hard. Now, not only does he have less than two weeks left to find something moving and inspirational to say, but Gemma just confided in him that her old childhood best friend is going to be in attendance. The one who moved to LA and they haven’t seen in fifteen years because he was too busy becoming an Academy Awards winner. But hey, no pressure. It’s just Louis Fucking Tomlinson.

Harry is screwed.

want it flowing through my streams by screwstyles / @screwstyles

Wimbledon ABO AU: Harry has just qualified for his first Grand Slam, and he’s prepared to make the most of it – that is, until his heat unexpectedly hits him only a few days before his first match. And it’s just his luck that Louis Tomlinson, the resident bad boy of British tennis, is the only person around to help him.

young hearts on the chase by homemotif / @polaroidlouis

Before he can question him any further, Harry’s holding out a drink to him, ‘Louis’ written on the side of it with messy, pink letters. Warmth spreads all throughout Louis’ body when he takes it, starting from the tip of his fingers where they brush Harry’s to curl around the cup and settling in his chest.

“I also got us– um,” the omega starts, nervous fingers fumbling to get the paper bag open. “Got you an egg muffin. Or– or a normal muffin if you don’t like egg ones.”

“Who doesn’t like egg muffins?”

The smile that breaks across Harry’s face in response is as bright as the one yesterday. Louis almost expects it to be kissed into his cheek as well. It looks like Harry’s considering it for a moment, too, dreamy gaze gliding all over Louis’ expectant face. He seems to decide against it with a sigh though, and Louis’ not disappointed when they start walking side by side instead (he’s not).

harry’s a hopeless romantic, louis’ oblivious, and it’s going to be Valentine’s Day.

you've been taking up my mind by styleandsin / @styleandsin

“Wish I had a popstar boyfriend who wrote me songs,” Harry mutters petulantly. He’s kind of kidding. He’s happy for Liam, and if who he falls in love with ends up being a famous singer who writes him songs, great. But he’s also a tad jealous because he remembers his phase—that he definitely grew out of a long time ago—where he was certain he’d marry Louis Tomlinson.

Harry's always been a fan of Louis Tomlinson, and when he gets a artist pass for a music festival (thanks to his best friend's new popstar boyfriend) he doesn't expect to actually meet Louis.

[madman479r]

At Junior's bar, Jaune and Yang were seen sitting at a booth and sharing a laugh.

"Damn, VB, I never thought you could be so funny." Yang chuckled with her eyes closed.

Jaune took the moment to look at Yang and appreciate her beauty. The way her nose scrunched up, how contagious her laugh was and how her golden hair seemed to glow like a low fire in the light.

When Jaune first arrived at Beacon and saw Yang, he thought she was drop dead gorgeous (but then again all the girls at Beacon were, was looking like a super model a requirement?) and wanted to try his luck with talking to her.

That was until he barfed all over her boots, yeah not a great first impression. And when he saw how she carried herself, her confidence, her charisma, Jaune knew he had no chance. Yang was probably asked out a lot by guys. Better looking, better fighters. What chance did he have?

But at least he could be her friend, and enjoy moments like this with her.

Jaune manged to gather himself in time as Yang's eyes opened again once her laughter calmed down. "Yeah, one could say I'm funnier than you." Jaune regretted his words immediately after saying them.

'What the fuck, jaune?!' The Knight thought to himself. 'You don't say you're funnier than a girl who likes her jokes!' Now he had surely blundered this whole night.

But strangely, Yang didnt seem upset. If anything, she smirked at Jaune and took a long swig of her drink.

Jaune watched as a drop of the drink escaped the glass, running down her rosy cheek, down her neck, past her collarbone and into the depths of her bust.

Jaune snapped his gaze back to Yang, hoping she would think his red face was just from drinking.

But he caught her eye, she had watched him. Jaune felt shameful, anticipating the jaw breaking slap she'd give him for being a perv.

But no slap came, if anything she had a tinge of amusement in her beautiful eye.

Once she downed the burning liquid, Yang smiled at Jaune, the smile made him feel like she was a predator and he was the prey.

"Oh really? Well how about this one? I'm sure it'll leave you speechless." Yang challenged and leaned in towards Jaune.

Jaune had to focus on Yang's lilac eyes, doing his best to not give into temptation and let his eyes wander to her inviting cleavage. Again.

"So, there's three boy mice and a girl mouse, they're all stuck in a room with no doors or windows. One of the boy mice asks the girl mouse how to get out, and the girl replied with "sleep with me tonight and I'll tell you in the morning". He does and the next day, he is gone. The second boy mouse askes the girl mouse how to get out, and she says "sleep with me tonight and I'll tell you in the morning". The next day, he is gone too." Yang said before giving Jaune an intense look.

"Do you wanna know how the last mouse got out of the box?" She asked.

Jaune nodded, though he expected to hear some cheesy punchline or something.

What he didn't expect was for Yang to move closer to Jaune, practically pressing herself to him, half sitting on his lap. Jaune made to question her with a stuttering voice and red face until he felt Yang's warm breath against his ear, making him shiver as she finishes the joke.

"Sleep with me tonight, and I'll tell you in the morning.~"

Yang pulled away to face Jaune, her eyes looking deep into his own as she bit her lip.

Jaune, in fact, was speechless, so he simply nodded with a open mouth, letting himself be dragged by a giggling Yang off to somewhere else.

The next couple of minutes were a blur to him, up until they reached a hotel.

In the morning, Jaune forgot to ask how the mouse got out, but he'd certainly never forget the night they spent together.

[hourglassfish]

On Season 1, Episode 7 Part Three : Risottogate

OK look,

Go and get yourself an ecto cooler or something, cus this is long, OK? This is long.

You comfortable?

Alright, let’s go.

don't forget the Xanax!

Elevated Beef (stock)

There’s a connection drawn between Sydney and veal stock in the Bear. She spills it all over herself during Brigade. Claire interrupts Carmy purchasing veal stock for menu testing her bone broth idea at the end of 2:2.  It’s an interesting ingredient to align her with: a staple of French cuisine, something you’ll find in a professional high end kitchen but not necessarily at home, a distinctive, practical component which provides a subtle, solid umami base for a range of dishes.

The first time this connection is drawn is during one of my favourite interactions: the ‘plum haribo’ story in Brigade. Marcus has decorated his work station (I love him), and despite the fact that Carmy says he’s having flashbacks (eeeeeeek), I think he is happy to see this coming together of his two worlds.

They start talking about this fancy plum dish, and a gelee component (which will reappear in Honeydew!) that had to have a very specific texture. Carmy has been talking about the dedication needed to make this dish work with pride, presenting the texture of the gelee as a huge challenge, something it took someone a year to figure out. Sydney cracks it in less than a minute. Veal fat. She knows what’s needed, and she knows why: it congeals when it’s cold. Boom!

Carmy’s response to this always amuses me. He is not…dismayed exactly. Not quite. After all, it’s a reminder of her brilliance, and also that that world is not so far away.  That being said, she cuts across a punchline here; and what was a mystery to the best chefs in the world for a year is immediately obvious to her, to the extent that it’s not even really a flex on her part: she states it quite diffidently. Marcus’s gleeful ‘Mission Accomplished’ is very different from Carmy’s, which is a bit more ‘…oh.’.

On rewatches where I feel charitable, Carmy then implements the brigade cus he's been reminded that he has someone close by from that world, he has an ally that speaks his language, who is talented. On days when I feel less charitable, I combine this with him later talking her through the differences between stock/jus/demi-glace in front of Tina  like an asshole, and see him handing the brigade over at that specific moment, in the specific way that he does as passive aggressive. Most days I’m with the former! Still…we’re back in the grey areas of Syd and Carmy’s  dynamic. Where all the good shit is!

He's so glad she figured that out so quickly, absolutely not feeling a type of way about it, nope, not at all

I wanted to start with this story cus it opens up three things for me:

a) just a frisson, a hint, a delicious drop (!) of competition between Syd and Carmy 

b) the question, beloved by fanfic writers everywhere, of what the dynamic between these two might have been if they had met in a different context.

c) a third, messier thing, about Carmy going away, tooling up, coming back and it needing to be worth something, that going way. As far as he knows at this point, It didn’t achieve what it was meant to achieve, it didn’t get Mikey’s attention. Maybe he didn’t need to leave Chicago to do it. Sydney's talent tickles that tension, as does Marcus's (trios, trios!). So what was it for? What were the past few years of his life for, if a bunch of this stuff was in Chicago all along?

Who was Carmy away from Chicago? Who is he without his family? We’ve only seen one flashback so far, very much from inside Carmy’s head. The way he tells it is very different from what we see. At Al Anon, he describes himself like this:

‘when somebody new came into the restaurant to stage, I’d look at them like they were competition, like I’m gonna smoke this motherfucker’.

But you're tall and sexy, so don't worry about it babes

Gosh. Yes Chef!

I don’t think Carmy holds anything like this level of aggression towards any of the original staff of the Beef: it would be absurd: they don’t have his training or experience. For the most part we see doing the work of pulling a team together, which explicitly involves putting that kind of competitiveness to the side.

I don’t think he has this energy for Sydney.

Not quite.

I do think it’s an important thing for us to learn about his character. I do think that we are told it at the beginning of Episode 8, after Sydney has quit, because there are ugly feelings around the risotto dish. I do think that those feelings drive a lot of how Review goes down, and that Carmy knows this.  

This ferocious comparison and competition, used as a driving force, is a part of who Carmy is, and a part of the kitchens that he has come from. In another context, Sydney would have just been competition. And he’d have been trying to smoke her.

Let’s follow a humble bowl of risotto through THREE EPISODES, and about 5000 words, good GOD.

Tracing the Journey of the Risotto: Unanticipated

I tried to find appetising pics of her cooking the risotto but mostly it doesn't look very aesthetic, so here is Syd in my fave of her scarves.

A Risotto, playing on ‘tongue in cheek’ is first tentatively pitched in Sheridan, as an idea for a new menu that they have ‘spoken about’. Carmy is… noncommittal. He’s not into it, but he doesn’t say that, he just doesn’t really engage. I think there are a bunch of valid reasons to not be into it, tbh. I’ve ordered risotto to go. It’s always kind of gluey and disappointing. Sydney isn’t given a clear no, so she decides to cook it: it becomes something she has to convince him on.

He doesn’t get to try it in this episode as there are drugs to sell and about a million different fires to fight. We know that she dreams about this dish though. In this episode she talks about how thinking about her mistakes with Sheridan Road keep her up at night,  but the last images of the episode are of her dreaming: beef… raspberries… cola… fire: there it is. Cola braised short rib. We’re back in the realm of deeply personal creative expression that I spoke about in part two. That anxious energy around failing with Sheridan Road? Is going somewhere else, is being transformed. This is important, and has the potential to be profoundly healing. This dish has meaning for her.

The dish returns in Ceres. Syd is an unstoppable force with the dish, and having said she wants to be listened to, is not listening to several requests from Carmy for more time. Stressful! He deals with it well, at first. He is calm, and polite and asks her to hold on. Which is not a no. But then -

 ‘I know everybody you used to work for, I called them before hiring you’

oooooh weeee.

There is nothing wrong with him seeking out references. His reasons are logical, and he’s transparent about them. Personally? I think it’s sensible to let employees know you’re seeking out references to avoid paranoia, but it’s not a legal requirement. People do it informally via whisper networks all the time, both purposefully and by accident. Gotta say though, the phrasing and the timing of this ‘reveal’ made me wince.

There are a million different theories of feedback, of how to give and receive it well. One argues that feedback must be asked for, accurate and measurable. If it’s not measurable, then you are nitpicking. If it’s not accurate, you’re hating. If it’s not asked for, or at least delivered in an environment where it’s anticipated, it is unlikely to be received well. Carmy, unfortunately, delivers a whopper of unanticipated feedback here: ‘me and all your old bosses (I know EVERYONE YOU USED TO WORK WITH)have been talking about you and they all agree on this flaw’.

YIKES

Would I let Syd stab me for a bowl of this? Maaaaybe. Maybe.

My reading is that he wanted to ask for her patience, and to say that his decision to pace out the changes is coming from experience, but he’s being backed into a corner, so he summons up the spectre of her old bosses for back up. Syd had opened up last episode, and is still very vulnerable about Sheridan, so he unintentionally wounds her here. We can read this in her response. He says her employers said she was smart, talented,  green and impatient, she hears ‘me and everyone you’ve worked for think your business failed because you were green and impatient, that’s why you’re here, and why this dish can’t go on the menu’. This dish is getting entangled in so many other things about where they’ve come from.

He does take the time to reframe it: outlines his practical concerns, and starts to articulate that he wants to maintain calm before they make more changes - 

And then Sugar is banging on the door, demonstrating his point.

At this point, Carmy is trying to build a parachute. They don’t have one when Jimmy comes to visit in Hands, but they do have one that becomes Richie’s bail by Braciole. Reserve building takes steady, dull consistency, but this isn’t communicated, and they don’t agree on a timeframe for the menu development, or even to come back to this conversation. This is small stuff, I know I sound nitpicky! But in my experience managing people, tension builds in the unknowns, in the places where there aren’t specifics, especially when you have a team member like Sydney who is ambitious and dynamic.

Sydney is firmly in the realm of the job that Carmy specified here. He is dialling business, she is doing everything else. If you’re a nerd and you zoom in on her CV, she has done menu development before. She is green, but not that green. She is impatient, but she also doesn’t have the same complicated relationship with change at the Beef that pretty much everyone else but Marcus does. The risotto is the first unofficial test of the impact of strain on their (messy ass) working dynamic, to Review’s much more official gauntlet.

Why would they write a proper CV and film it if they didn't want me to spend 5 minutes hitting pause repeatedly until I'd read it?

*squints* designed daily specials with complete creative control! At Alinea! A THREE STAR MICHELIN RESTAURANT! At the time they wrote this, it had held and retained those stars for twelve years! She is not new to this!

Tracing the Journey of the Risotto Two: Unmeasurable

They try again with the risotto later. She is a little more patient, initially. She makes the effort and he thanks her for it. He tries it, which she really wanted (surely that will convince him!), and she has modified her request, from to-gos, to trying it as a special. Her equivalent of baby steps. She listened. She’s trying. Lovely Angel and my main man Ebra come by, taste and support Carmy’s ‘tremendous’.

But here Carmy gives feedback that isn’t measurable. It’s not perfect, but he doesn’t say why, even though he knows, and it’s an easy fix! He’s nitpicking, because he doesn’t, for a bunch of practical reasons, want to put risotto on the menu, but doesn’t want to shoot her down. He asks her if she understands after she has explicitly said that she doesn’t (cus he’s not being up front), and then doesn‘t explain himself. He’s not really asking if she understands, he’s telling her to stop. It’s not really the dish that’s not ready, not really, it’s him, he’s not ready to make a new raft of changes, to think through the gap between the Michelin star excellence he has come from, and the budgetary, practical restrains of where he’s at.

I think this is really fair. Or at least understandable. Carmy just wants to catch a breath, and he has to have oversight on so many different things at once, adding something else to that must feel terrifying. But the way he communicates this shuts down and restricts: he switches the dynamic from one where they listen to each other (which requires that they both explain themselves) to one where he tells and she does. It doesn’t really give her anywhere to go, so her frustration is inevitable and also understandable. Measurable feedback! Clarity. If you don’t want risotto on the menu Carmy, rip the band-aid, and say it, and say why. Get her to work on something that is going to fit with the menu in a different way, in the way that you want, and be clear about the way in which you want to shape it!

He knows he’s not been great here. Carmy apologises for ‘being shitty’ later in the episode (as others have noted, it’s a shit apology) and he also starts his apology with ‘needs acid’ in 1:8. He knows that a lot of Review is to do with this dish.

When Carmy apologises about being shitty later in Ceres, she doesn’t mention that she put the dish out earlier. It’s framed as a little moment of.. if not revenge, then a little something for herself. I think she knows it’s not OK, not really, or she’d have mentioned it, and her face says a lot when she says it’s cool.  I’m not a chef, I only ever worked FOH, but my instinct is that its dodgy and it fills me with unease. A grey area. A pop of tension.

Tracing the Journey of the Risotto Three: Hating

Whenever I think about the strikes, I think about the broader ensemble in this show.

The next time the risotto turns up, it’s being mentioned in a review. A lot happens here, so I’m gonna bullet point out all the references, then analyse some of them afterwards. I’m also gonna jump a whole bunch, cus I want to stay tightly focused on the risotto itself, and the dynamic between Syd and Carmy as relates to it:

Ebra reads the review out!

Syd has a lovely, gentle smile for Ebra as he reads it, her whole body relaxes as she taps at the tablet. This validation clearly means a lot to her. Ebra’s dynamic with both Sydney and Marcus is consistently a joy to behold. When he tells her in Dogs that she’s given Marcus a lot of confidence, she glows, and I think it’s something she really needed to hear. He’s subtle about it, but he never makes her life difficult when she implements the brigade. There’s something about the oldest member of the team, reading the review out, a little haltingly cus English isn’t his first language, that doubles down on the love that can be present in the Beef, making it all the more jarring when –

Carmy cuts across this and starts talking about the day’s opening with a ‘stop reading that shit’

Fam ‘that shit’ just described your food as elevated and elegant! In the foodie heaven that is Chicago! In your restaurant which is kind of failing! It’s your team’s first review since you’ve been there! So straight away you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop, because what has got his knickers in a twist?

Carmy is justified in being pissed off about Syd’s actions here. What he is not justified in, is not finding a way to celebrate the review itself with his team, who deserve to have this moment. It’s a milestone for them to get some external validation, and the restaurant, quite frankly, needs it. A five star review! Tina squeals with delight when she hears it. Before a new program and a busy shift is the perfect moment to read this out, and go into the work feeling good. A united, gassed up team? Would have killed those to gos.

Sydney is also responsible for this messiness though. In going rogue the episode before, something which could have been about the team becomes about her in a way that is sticky, and it becomes harder to celebrate. It was not her intention, but this is the outcome.

Ebra ignores Carmy

(cus he’s redundant and white JK JK don’t cancel me)

There is a double edged shout out to the team

‘the staff moves are next level’: this is such brilliant, important feedback from a team that has had to weather so much change! Also calls back to Richie:  ‘Uh oh, Sydney making moves!’ in the car in Hands.

‘The sandwiches are so delicious as ever, but the standout dish that... that, that encapsulates all, this was the risotto with braised beef. The rice was luscious with a surprising ribbon of brine running through the sauce. The chef obviously knew what she was doing’

THAT REVIEWER IS A SNITCH

Did Syd know that reviewer was a reviewer? I dunno man. Maybe! She’s Chicago born and bred, knows the food scene well. It’s not outside of the realm of possibility that she’d recognise him. Maybe she just wanted some good immediate feedback, while she was feeling shitty! Maybe all she wanted was him to send a message back to the kitchen that’s like tell Syd the risotto was great: the impact of his Review but on a much smaller, less disruptive scale.

I think it’s genuine coincidence, which unfortunately looks… not like that. The thing is: the reviewer being a reviewer isn’t what the issue is. The issue is giving food not signed off by her boss to a customer.  She'd have never gotten away with that at the places where she was before. Putting the dish out is going rogue, regardless of who she gives it to. It’s not a team move. If Carmy called in her old bosses for back up, she calls in his potential new customers. Eek. EEK.

Sydney desperately tries to get Ebra to shush, to no avail

(extremely funny work from Ayo, but also he’s pissed, and she either already knows it, or already antipates it – it’s hard to get a read on how long they’ve been in and when they learnt about the review)

‘river of brine, huh?’ 

Carmy, you little snark!!! This is very much his wheelhouse of expressing displeasure, he loves a little jab to the emotional solar plexus. My reading of his line is that what the reviewer tried and what Carmy tried are different, because if it had a ribbon of brine in it, I think that means that there was enough acid. Syd has two dishes, and she’s specific about Carmy trying one and not the other, so my reading here is that Carmy’s POV is not only did a dish go out of my kitchen without my sign off, but it was different from the dish I was given to try. Wince. Wince, wince, wince.

Sydney and Carmy have a fucking excruciating conversation.

Just the worst.

Carmy is not happy, but feels unable to voice this in a way that seems reasonable: he’s busy and stressed about to-gos, he hasn’t moved past the unreasonable feelings of resentment and annoyance to the clarity which enables you to articulate how you feel and why, and because Syd’s gamble paid off! It’s a net positive for the restaurant so it feels counterintuitive to reprimand her, but there is a conversation they need to have. He really does not want to have this conflict, because it’s complicated, and is, like most big blow outs over something small, about so much more than a plate of risotto.  He breezes over the conversation, but you can’t start with that ribbon of brine opener and then tell me shit’s not weird.

Compare this to Brigade, when Sydney is asked what’s up, and she is brave enough and vulnerable enough to be like – here are the things that weren’t OK, here are my expectations, here are my boundaries.

On the other side of the conversation, Sydney knows that she has slipped across a slightly odd boundary, but doesn’t acknowledge this. It’s good he liked it! All’s well that ends well. Right? RIGHT? But if he hadn’t? Very different conversation. It doesn’t matter who he is! He could have been anyone - someone that left a weird Instagram comment later, or someone who didn’t finish the meal and complained. Whatever the case may be, giving it to him unofficially was not an act of partnership, or listening, even if the initial communication was shitty.

She knows she’s overstepped,  but she doesn’t apologise and doesn’t acknowledge the specifics of what she’s done wrong, because she does not want to have the conflict that could come out of this either. She seeks affirmations that they are OK rather than trying to actually find out how Carmy feels and why, because at this point she doesn’t really want to hear it. She is seeking this conversation out 20 minutes before open! It’s not the time for a thorny, complex discussion.  

Compare this to Brigade. Carmy knows Sydney is pissed, and makes the effort to speak to her, in private, armed with the peace offering of Ebra’s Suqaar. He is very careful in that conversation to ask open questions (‘what’s going on with you? Say more?’) that enable her to respond honestly. He persists despite her having her walls up around the fact that she’s pissed. Sydney does not do this. The power dynamic makes it hard, but still. If she wants the connection needed to power reconciliation, that bravery needs to be in play.

are you sure we can't just power through this with sexual tension?

Sweeps congratulates her and tells her she’ll have to tell her dad

Hope Mr Adamu got a newspaper clipping!

Carmy says the sandwiches are totally different and the reviewer is a fucking hack. Syd looks sad.

This moment is why I opened this essay talking about veal stock. We are back in a moment with a gap between what has been said, and what has been heard. The reviewer said the sandwiches were delicious as ever. That’s not a criticism at all! These are not words that justify being called a hack! Carmy is pissed because the reviewer says they are delicious and they always have been, that Carmy has not improved on the staple that was there before him.

And that shit hurts his ego!

His whole thing was going off to learn ‘how to be better than mom and dad’s piece of shit’. We know he’s changed a bunch of things about the sandwiches. In Hands,  Sydney mentions that they’ve switched to market produce, which I’m sure is not unrelated to Richie’s ‘You’ve been here for two weeks and we’ve had money problems for two weeks’ in System. In Carmy’s time there, the bread’s changed, the method for cooking the beef has changed, the way they braise onions has changed.

To that customer? Delicious as ever.It’s not a dismissal, or an insult.  It is a reminder that Carmy didn’t have to leave, and go through all he went through, that there was delicious food and skills to be learned and refined without it. We know Michael was a talented chef. Even now, with all of where he’s been, Carmy cannot surpass him or his memory.

The person that does surpass that? Is Sydney. With food his palate did not deem good enough! Sydney who has not had to leave Chicago and her family. Sydney who has found a way to be creatively free, even at The Beef, in ways that Carmy has not really been able to, because his primary concern has to be money. There is understandable resentment here. But there is competition to the way Carmy cooks, something to prove, someone to smoke. There are reasonable feelings here, but some of them are really ugly, too.

Tina describes Syd as Jeff’s friend

This is a strange little line – because we know that Tina respects Syd as a chef at this point, and she doubles down on it later when she asks Syd to teach Louis skills, like she herself has been taught. So why’s it there? My feeling is that it’s there to remind the audience of what Syd and Carmy’s relationship is usually like. I wouldn’t call it friendship, I think they operate in a weird place that defies labels, but they have this synergy which drives the business. Tina evoking that in this moment draws attention to the fact that they are not in that space right now.

He's just got a very sweet face, it's hard for me to believe he's in trouble at school

Richie has a loud, performative conversation with Carmy about many things, but for the purpose of this section, he states that they don’t do risotto, asks if they’re going to, and Carmy definitively states that ‘no, they’re not going to do that’ he also repeats Syd’s phrasing that it was ‘an accident’

She stabbed the wrong ass if you ask me!

Nah, but for real, this is nasty work. I’m gonna come back to it in the next (penultimate!) bit of writing about the Beef, the Bear, Richie & Michael, Syd & Carmy. For now, I will simply say that Carmy is doing up major pass agg here, and it’s nasty to watch. He’s really, really unhappy with her,  and he’s struggling to hold it in, so it’s coming out in unhelpful and unpleasant ways that feel like humiliations in front of the whole team, and punishment.

There are really valid reasons for Carmy to be annoyed and to not want to talk about it right now.  The problem is that If you don’t create a pressure valve you take responsibility for, you will end up a) exploding instead (lol) and/or b) releasing that frustration in unhelpful and harmful ways.

They move towards this with their ASL sorry in Season Two. But here, Carmy says and implies a bunch of things to Richie that he needed to say explicitly to Syd two episodes ago, and two minutes ago: that he has no intention of putting risotto on the menu, and that he thinks her saying it was an accident was bullshit. He wants Syd to know it’s not OK without the hard, painful work of having to engage in conflict with her. It’s shitty.

Sweet Louis asks what a ribbon of brine is

He seems like a good boy, bring him back!

A BUNCH OF STUFF THAT I WILL WRITE ABOUT NEXT TIME HAPPENS

Richie, Syd and Carmy, it’s delicious (a nightmare).

Syd attempts a second conversation with Carmy – having vented some frustration  at Richie, and seeing how her workload is piling up and becoming untenable, she is much more open here. Carmy is not.

She’s blunt – we’re not on the same page. Carmy lies and deflects – we’re good, let’s get through the shift. He has his hands on his hips, with as much of his body turned away from her as possible, during this conversation, and walks off half way through it. Even if everything had gone right, this shift would have been a nightmare for Syd.

Everything is awesome!

The penultimate mention of the risotto is here. There is very little I can say that has not been brilliantly said by eatandsleepwell here - https://www.tumblr.com/hourglassfish/726487509540962304/eatandsleepwell-melonatures-this-one-second?source=share so I’m gonna link it.

That’s the last we hear of risotto for now, other than a quick reference to Syd as an arrogant and condescending ribbon of brine from Richie later. It doesn’t turn up on the tasting menu at the Bear, where it defo feels like a riff on risotto could have replaced one of their pasta dishes. That switch from rice to pasta feels pointed.

Spaghetti

Let’s treat The Beef as a character. If Sydney’s ingredient motif is veal stock, then The Beef’s is that family spaghetti.

Cheap and simple. Fucking delicious. Makes no sense and shouldn’t work, but was somehow the best seller on the menu. Distinctively Italian. Stuffed full of drug money(!). Always, always presented at the table with love, like a gift. You can elevate it if you want, but the fact of the matter is that even at its very best, it’s only gonna hit so hard cus it reminds you of simpler times, like the ratatouille (that is not a ratatouille!) from the movie Ratatouille.

Carmy rejects that meal at the top of the series. It ‘doesn’t make sense on the menu’, so he doesn’t care that people loved it. So far, so EMP. When he starts to cook it in episode one, it feels like a relenting to Richie’s bullying, and him throwing WHAT WE NOW KNOW WAS PROBABLY A FEW THOUSAND DOLLARS in the bin at the end of the episode feels like this exhilarating rejection of mediocrity. They change the lines for System, but in the pilot, Carmy literally cannot make the spaghetti, that last lesson from Michael is a real missing puzzle piece.

In Braciole,  when he gets the recipe, he goes to cook it, for family. It’s really nice, that scene, feels comparable to Sydney making omelette. It’s quiet, and Carmy seems content, if wistful. The pork instead of beef panic of earlier is put to the side for now. The previous day, Carmy has gone to Al-Anon and confessed, unburdened himself. Then followed two quiet days and a blue hued night of atonement: he reaffirmed his commitment to Richie, paying his bail and keeping watch all night, gave Tina the night off, apologised to Marcus and acknowledged that his behaviour towards Sydney wasn’t acceptable, as well as speaking to her about her dish, like an adult. Carmy has to do all of this before he finds the money, before he gets the validation that he’s really longing for from his brother.

JAW getting his Emmy, his Golden Globe, his SAG Award, his Bafta, his future Oscar Winning role.

If The Bear at its core is about grief, and the void that Michael’s death leaves, then one of the big journeys of Season One is the subsequent death of the Beef, ready for its rebirth as The Bear in the following season. Review is the short sharp stab to the gut, of Sydney leaving, and taking any hope that it can be reformed as is, with her work. I don’t think the nature of a puncture wound, and the shortness of that episode are unrelated.

Braciole is more of a death rattle: Jimmy’s debt keeping them trapped in shitty work they don’t want to do, situations that spiral out of control and descend into violence, their parachute turned to bail money. But Michael wanted more for his brother than that, and he has left him a foundation. He does not have to burn the place down, there need not be smoke and hellfire. There’s another avenue for rebirth, one where ‘set this place on fire’ does not have to mean an insurance scam, but instead can mean an ignition of all their ambition and dreams.

To get there there has to be an ego death first, a moment of hubris that gets our protagonists fresh, and clean, so they can move to the new. Sydney sees and experiences the worst of herself (more on this in the final part!). Richie gets stabbed (more on this in the next part).

Carmy? Carmy has to encountera crisis where not only could his training not save him but many of the lessons he learnt while he was away and his reasons for going in the first place actively made the situation worse, and those that had faith in him and his preferred system turned away from him, deeply hurt. His ego gets in the way of connection, and it shatters the partnership that he needs to make it all work. He is clinging to old ways of being that has not served him, but he needs to move forward into what is new. And he does.

Well.

He tries.

SMDH

WHEW

Another long one, sorry fam. I’m almost there though. Am I sorry? No, I’m grateful if you read it, and I hope you enjoyed it.

I hope I’m pulling this together coherently, that I’m showing a sort of throughline to the way I view Episode 7. I don’t think Sydney is perfect! I do think her walking out is narratively and politically (the show wants better for the workplaces its drawn from) necessary, and I hate, hate, hate the simplification of that decision to ‘he shouted at her so she bailed’. Please, you can’t think this show is well written and think her decision is as simple as that, it doesn’t make sense. That exit is crafted so that it is inevitable, there is a movie’s worth of build up to it.

We’re looking at Richie, Syd and Carmy next time, fam. I am trying so hard to cut it down cus it’s currently sat at 15,000 words, but I’m gonna try really hard to edit down, OK? I’m gonna try really hard.

I can’t respond but I value reblogs and comments so much!

This is part of a five part series! You can find the rest here:

Expect More: Syd and Carmy's relationship,

I know you'll be listening: Marcus, McDonald's and Freedom

Risottogate

Hiring New Fucking Broads: Syd, Richie and conflict;

"That's Not You" The Moment Syd Walks Out

[callsigns-haze]

Short love: Chp 6

Lovey dove love

Summary: The is about widowed father Bradley Bradshaw who enlists his brother-in-law Jake Seresin and childhood best friend Robert Floyd to help raise his three daughters, eldest Donna Jo Margaret (D.J for short), middle child Stephanie and youngest Michelle in his San Diego home. 

Pairing: Jake "Hangman" Seresin x Reader

Warning: Fluff, flirting

As the year passed by, the bond between Y/n and Jake only grew stronger. Now, with Michelle as a lively toddler, their days were filled with laughter and joy. One sunny afternoon, Y/n, Jake, and Bob found themselves in the living room, surrounded by toys and the sound of Michelle's delighted giggles.

Y/n sat on the floor, her hair tied back in a loose ponytail as she played with Michelle, encouraging her to stack colorful blocks and play with her favorite stuffed animals. Jake sat beside them, his eyes filled with love and adoration as he watched his niece interact with her aunt.

"Come on, Michelle, you can do it!" Y/n encouraged, her voice filled with excitement as Michelle concentrated on stacking the blocks.

Jake chuckled, reaching out to ruffle Michelle's hair affectionately. "That's it, sweetheart. You're doing great," he praised, his heart swelling with pride at the sight of his niece's determination.

Meanwhile, Bob sat nearby, joining in on the fun with a wide grin on his face. "Looks like we've got a little genius on our hands," he joked, his eyes twinkling with amusement.

Y/n laughed at Bob's comment, feeling a sense of joy wash over her as she watched Jake and Michelle bond. "She definitely takes after her uncle," she replied, her voice filled with affection as she glanced over at Jake.

As they continued to play together, surrounded by love and laughter, Y/n couldn't help but feel grateful for the little family they had created. With Jake as her uncle and Michelle in their arms, she knew that every day was a blessing, and she couldn't wait to see what the future held for them as they continued to navigate life together.

As Y/n settled onto the couch with Bob, she couldn't help but smile as she watched Jake playfully lift Michelle into the air, the toddler giggling with delight. Bob turned to Y/n with a mischievous glint in his eyes, a playful grin spreading across his face.

"Hey, Y/n, do you mind if I practice my comedy routine on you?" he asked, his voice filled with eagerness.

Y/n chuckled, nodding in agreement. "Of course, Bob. I'm always up for a good laugh," she replied, her eyes sparkling with anticipation.

As Bob launched into his routine, Y/n couldn't help but be impressed by his comedic timing and quick wit. She laughed at his jokes, her laughter mingling with Michelle's giggles as Jake continued to fly her around the room.

With each joke and punchline, the room filled with laughter and joy, the sound of their merriment echoing through the house. And as they sat together, surrounded by love and laughter, Y/n couldn't help but feel grateful for the bond they shared, knowing that moments like these were what made their family so special.

s DJ and Stephanie returned home, the atmosphere in the room shifted with excitement. Stephanie bounded over to Y/n, her eyes shining with pride as she held up a tiny tooth in her palm.

"Look, Y/n! I lost a tooth at school today!" Stephanie exclaimed, her voice filled with excitement as she showed off her newfound gap.

Y/n's eyes widened in amazement as she took in the sight of Stephanie's missing tooth, a smile spreading across her face at the sight of her niece's excitement. "Wow, Steph, that's amazing!" she exclaimed, her voice filled with genuine enthusiasm.

Jake joined in on the excitement, scooping Stephanie up into his arms and spinning her around the room. "That's my girl! Losing a tooth is a big milestone," he praised, his voice filled with pride as he showered Stephanie with affection.

Stephanie giggled with delight as Jake spun her around, her laughter filling the room with joy. With each twirl, she felt a sense of accomplishment wash over her, knowing that she had reached an important milestone in her young life.

As they celebrated together, surrounded by love and laughter, Y/n couldn't help but feel grateful for the close-knit family they had created. With Jake by her side and DJ and Stephanie bringing so much joy into their lives, she knew that every moment was precious, and she couldn't wait to see what the future held for them as they continued to grow together.

As Stephanie proudly displayed her missing tooth, DJ joined in the excitement, brandishing her science exam with a wide grin on her face.

"Check it out, guys! I aced my science exam - got a perfect score!" DJ announced, her voice filled with pride as she showed off her paper to the rest of the family.

Y/n's eyes lit up with pride as she glanced over DJ's exam, marveling at the perfect score. "Wow, DJ, that's amazing! I'm so proud of you," she exclaimed, her voice filled with genuine admiration.

Jake beamed with pride as he wrapped an arm around DJ's shoulders, pulling her into a congratulatory hug. "That's my girl! You've been working so hard, and it's paying off," he praised, his voice filled with warmth and pride.

Stephanie chimed in with excitement, clapping her hands in applause. "Way to go, DJ! You're like a science superstar," she cheered, her eyes shining with admiration for her big sister.

As they celebrated DJ's achievement together, surrounded by love and support, Y/n couldn't help but feel grateful for the wonderful family she had. With each milestone and accomplishment, their bond grew stronger, and she knew that together, they could conquer anything life threw their way.

As the door swung open, signaling Bradley's return from the studio, the atmosphere in the room shifted with anticipation. Three pairs of little feet pattered eagerly across the floor as DJ, Stephanie, and Michelle raced towards their father.

"Daddy's home!" DJ exclaimed, her voice filled with excitement as she reached him first, throwing her arms around him in a tight hug.

Stephanie and Michelle weren't far behind, giggling with delight as they joined in the group hug, their faces lighting up with joy at the sight of their father.

Bradley laughed with delight as he enveloped his daughters in his arms, relishing the feeling of their warm embraces. "Hey there, my girls! I missed you all so much," he said, his voice filled with love and affection.

DJ grinned up at her father, her eyes sparkling with excitement. "Guess what, Daddy? I got a perfect score on my science exam!" she exclaimed, her voice bubbling with pride.

Stephanie chimed in eagerly, holding up her missing tooth for her father to see. "And look, Daddy! I lost a tooth today at school!" she announced, her face beaming with excitement.

Bradley's eyes widened with amazement as he took in his daughters' achievements, a swell of pride swelling in his chest. "Wow, that's incredible! I'm so proud of you all," he exclaimed, his voice filled with genuine admiration.

Michelle, too young to understand the significance of her sisters' accomplishments, simply grinned up at her father, babbling happily as she reached out to tug on his shirt.

With his daughters gathered around him, Bradley couldn't help but feel grateful for the love and joy they brought into his life. As they stood together, wrapped up in each other's arms, he knew that there was nowhere else he'd rather be than with his three precious girls.

As Bradley stepped through the door, Y/n greeted him with a warm smile, her eyes lighting up with happiness at the sight of her friend. "Hey, Bradley, welcome back!" she exclaimed, giving him a quick hug.

Turning to the rest of the family gathered in the living room, Y/n clapped her hands together with excitement. "Guess what, everyone? I'm going to make my famous cheesy tomato pasta for dinner tonight!" she announced, her voice filled with enthusiasm.

DJ, Stephanie, and Michelle cheered with excitement, their eyes lighting up at the prospect of their favorite meal. "Yay, cheesy tomato pasta!" DJ exclaimed, already imagining the delicious meal.

Jake grinned at Y/n's announcement, his stomach rumbling in anticipation of her cooking. "Sounds fantastic, babe. You know how much I love your pasta," he remarked, his voice filled with appreciation.

With the decision made, Y/n headed towards the kitchen, a spring in her step as she prepared to whip up her signature dish. As she gathered the ingredients and set to work at the stove, she couldn't help but feel grateful for the love and joy that filled their home, knowing that moments like these were what made their relationship so special.

tagging:

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[seoafin]

oop i wrote it

cw: sukuna. implied cannibalism.

-

A thumb roughly presses down on your bottom lip. “Open.”

You wordlessly obey, tentatively opening your mouth as Sukuna watches you, all four eyes trained on your face with an intensity that has sweat gathering at your temples.

There’s nowhere to run. Nowhere to hide. In this large banquet hall filled to the brim with food (offerings from the terrified villagers he didn’t kill hours earlier on a whim), there is only you and him. Two hands gripping you by the waist, holding you in place on his lap, while another hand on your face commands you to open. The last hand is splayed across your back, the thin layer of the kosode Uraume had forced you into (the clothes you had taken to wearing too undignified, too unsightly for Sukuna’s gaze) barely offering any coverage.

You think it had been on purpose. If Sukuna kills you now, all the better for him. An eyesore like you who had appeared out of nowhere, tumbling out of the sky like a bird whose wings had been plucked, right into the middle of a massacre.

“After all that nonsensical squawking earlier,” he starts, his voice a deep rumble against your frame. “Suddenly so silent?”

He seems to find it funny when you don’t (can’t) respond, chuckling at his own joke when his thumb slips into your mouth, pressing down onto your tongue, and forcing your mouth even wider for his open scrutiny. 

You stay silent, mind racing with all potential avenues of choice, whether it’s remark on the lovely weather (it was raining earlier, but you figure the rain would appeal to Sukuna more than the sun, right?) or talk about how funny it was to see Uraume in the kitchen barking out orders to prepare the banquet all around you. There’s no possible way this could all be meant for just one person. You’ve never seen so much fish and meats and vegetables and fruits, and considering you know what a modern day supermarket is, it seems excessive. All this from an already starving village? 

Or you could just keep silent. Which seems to be the best option seeing as his thumb is in your mouth. You wonder, for what seems to be the hundredth time since you’ve landed in an entirely different era, if Sukuna is going to kill you for the perceived slight of drooling all over one of his hands. You'd say he doesn’t seem to particularly mind (in your opinion, anyway. But what do you know.)

You make a noise in your throat, muffled, and Sukuna blinks, as if he had forgotten you were a living breathing person. Two eyes slide to you, meeting your gaze as you compose yourself.

His thumb relents, just enough that you can still feel him hovering. But you can speak. You figure it’s his way of telling you that you can speak without the possible threat of mutilation. Actually scratch that. The threat is always there. Ever present. If you had learned anything, it was that all it took was a simple thought to be acted on, and the lift of a finger. 

“The food!” you exclaim (the best you can), all your anxious pent up energy making you seem eager. “It’ll…” you swallow, “get cold!”

So please just let me leave, you internally beg, to the Buddha, to your annoying kouhai Gojo, or whatever deity is looking down on you and laughing at this entire predicament they’ve placed you in. Please just let me leave.

The hand retreats from your mouth. You don’t dare breathe a sigh of relief, not when three hands are still holding you.

Then to your great surprise, Sukuna smiles, baring teeth, greatly amused, and the stretch of his lips reaches all of his eyes. 

You are equal parts confused and terrified, waiting for the punchline to drop like the axe of a guillotine over your neck. 

“Tell me,” he purrs, two hands bringing you close. Until you can trace every single line of the monstrous inhuman right side of his face and every marking. “Have you ever tasted human flesh?”

Human…flesh…?

You hold your smile the best you can, but Sukuna must be able to smell your apprehension because there’s a glint of sadistic amusement in his eyes. “I…have…not…”

“Uraume is a fine cook,” he replies, turning his head towards the tables of food surrounding you, and your stomach plummets as understanding dawns on you. “To prepare human flesh for consumption is a difficult task, and yet he has not disappointed me once.”

You slowly look to the table closest to you, examining what you had previously assumed to be fowl. It’s charred, the same color as roasted meat, but upon closer inspection the shape resembles…

It looks like…a…limb.

A…human…limb.

You bite your tongue to keep your smile from faltering. He’s watching you now, a sharp eyed predator who has scented blood. If you show anything resembling fear, you know for sure he’ll kill you without a second thought.

He’s going to eat you. That has to be why he brought you here. He’s going to dismember you and then give you to Uraume who will gladly season and roast you like a pig.

You wonder if you should just give up and accept your fate now. You’ll die here, a thousand years into the past, alone, and nobody will have even known what happened to you.

They’ll think you disappeared, that you deserted, and they’ll only be half right.

You can’t let it end like this. You won’t let it end like this. The first thing a jujustu sorcerer learns is that hopes and dreams are dangerous. Regrets even more.

When you die, you won’t regret a single damn thing.

That’s why you can’t die here.

You straighten, forcing yourself to relax despite the anxiety churning in your gut. “Are you going to eat me?” You ask him pleasantly, lips curved.

“You would offer yourself so easily?” You see the unpleasant set of his lips, the dismissive tone of his words, and feel a cold sweat envelope your body. The sheer power of him would have you buckling to your knees had you been standing. You’ve lost his favor, and the only thing awaiting you unless you act now is death.

“I would not,” you say, momentarily glancing down in a demure move. “I would offer you something else though.” A pause. You wrap your arms around his shoulders, drawing yourself closer, meeting his gaze straight on. “I’m sure I can interest you in it.”

[dustedmagazine]

Los Campesinos! — All Hell (Heart Swells)

In a way, 2013’s NO BLUES was the end of a particular version of Los Campesinos! and for reasons that had little to do with their personnel changes over the years since 2006. The septet is far from the first (or last) band to experience the music industry leaving them for dead in a ditch for a lack of profit, and sadly also not the only ones to get one of their best albums caught up in that moment. So, everyone returned to (or got) day jobs and although they never exactly split up, it took some time to determine that, yes, Los Campesinos! was still really going to keep going. But if 2017’s excellent Sick Scenes was proof of concept of Los Campesinos!’s vitality and potential, the new, even more self-motivated ethos has led to both the longest break between albums yet and (recency bias be damned) their strongest LP.

Readers of Dusted don’t need to be reminded that financial success does not necessarily correlate with any particular merit, but that the entirely in house All Hell (self-financed, self-produced, on their own label) wound up as their first UK top 40 record (14 with a bullet!) is at the very least a testament to how many people were waiting for this record and how satisfying they found it. In Kieron Gillen and Jamie McKelvie’s classic music-as-magic comic book Phonogram, one of the main characters describes Los Campesinos! (before they’d even put out a record) to another as “They’re never going to be big big. But they’re going to be big to some people.” Increasingly, it seems that those people have found them. If you go to an LC! show in 2024 fully half or more of the crowd are kids who were not listening to records when Hold on Now, Youngster… came out in 2008, a delightful product of the band just resolutely doing what they do for close to 20 years now.

All Hell is a stirring reminder of what that is, exactly. Their Bandcamp page still describes them as “The UK’s first and only emo band,” and that fine blend of sarcasm, sincerity, standoffishness, insight, and a certain love of starting an argument still sums up some of frontman Gareth David’s authorial voice (although it doesn’t include his incredibly vivid and compelling way with both political and romantic heartache and longing). Guitarist and (here) producer Tom Bromley continues to write incredible songs for David to drop punchlines and emotional haymakers over, and has also burnished this into easily the best sounding Los Campesinos record to date. At this point these seven members have been playing together since 2014 and can turn on a dime and nail pretty much any melodic/emotional register they need to, harsh or comforting, anthemic or plangent.

Fans are likely to draw comparisons to 2010’s Romance Is Boring, often considered a high-water mark. The last three records followed the same straightforward format: 10-11 songs, 40-42 minutes. Romance Is Boring was their most complex, lengthy, and interconnected record, and there’s an ambition here that makes them feel like siblings (possibly partly the result of having more time to build up material). The 15 songs here in just under 50 minutes, with three numbered tracks splitting the record into rough sections, feels sprawling and expansive after the tighter organization of the last few.

You can really feel that extra decade-plus in the structures, songwriting, and sonics of All Hell, but the polish and compositional sophistication here don’t belie a lack of fire. “The Coin-Op Guillotine” is easily the gentlest opener they’ve ever done; there’s bleakness there (“I think I’m right, I don’t think it matters”) but the refrain still centers on the kind of community and solidarity that they’ve been trying to practice from business/concert practices on down: “if you’ve got a cross to bear/call my name, I’ll see you there.” And even there it’s still about our current dystopia, and the title clearly refers to more than just the arcade game.

And sure enough, the following “Holy Smoke (2005)” immediately snarks that “nowadays it’s Live Laugh Love and Listen to Death From Above” over a headlong sprint (one of many places here where drummer Jason Adelinia is a crucial force). Even the magnificent “Feast of Tongues” (which arguably boasts a couple of the band’s best choruses to date), which swells from pensive backing “ooh”s and strings to one of the biggest, hardest hitting climaxes here, specifies that the title refers to when “we will feast on the tongues of the last bootlickers.”

As always, one of the challenges of writing about Los Campesinos! (as well as one of the joys of listening to them) is there are simply too many quotable lines, especially if you’re interested in the ways they refer back to their own history (dropping the “please” from the Romance Is Boring-era “can we all please just calm the fuck down?” as a teeth-gritted acknowledgment of how much less reasonable those they’re addressing have gotten since then) or just a good joke (if, say, “do you still have that one tattoo?/that’s how they work, of course you do” doesn’t work for you, another one will be along soon). And as much as All Hell is rich in the band’s traditional strengths, there are still moments of expansion. The crunching switchbacks of “Clown Blood/Orpheus’ Bobbing Head” are maybe the most aggro they’ve ever been, and the sweetly gloomy “kms” features Kim Paisey taking lead vocals for the first time.

Given the way the last two records have ended with some of their heaviest, weightiest songs, as they kick into the room-levelling angst of “0898 HEARTACHE” it feels like just that sort of crescendo. Instead, All Hell actually ends with the humbler melancholy of “Adult Acne Stigmata.” It’s the closest Los Campesinos! have come to an acoustic ballad, with multi-tracked Gareths sighing “it’s all hell, we know too well/it’s all hell” in the background. From another band, it might risk pathos or bathos; from Los Campesinos, it’s practically comforting. In the midst of inferno, we can all sing, and thrash, along.

Ian Mathers

[popbloganddropit]

The Tortured Poets Department - Taylor Swift (Part 2)

9. Guilty as Sin? - you cheeky little minx, Taylor!!! I’m not sure she’s made me blush like this before! A song about…fantasizing outside of your relationship that sounds like the first day warm sun hits your skin after a long, cold winter. And I personally love a song with some good old fashioned yearning, so the bridge really takes it over the top for me. 5/5

Best Line: I really love a lot of lines here, but if “Drowning in the Blue Nile, he sent me ‘Downtown Lights’” is such a killer opener.

10. Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me?- this song is an insane, showstopping moment. Edgy, raging, biting, and even still a little witty - “So tell me everything is not about me. But what if it is?” WAOLOM strikes such a good balance of being self-aware of her image and faults with genuine anger. Being the biggest pop star doesn’t make everything just roll off your back. Perfect production that builds and escalates exactly as it needs to. 5/5

Best Line: “I was tame, I was gentle 'til the circus life made me mean. ‘Don't you worry, folks, we took out all her teeth’”

11. I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can) - I really like the pseudo-western vibe going on and that lower register is always welcome in my books, but lyrically this doesn’t do a lot for me. It’s building to a punchline we all know is coming. She can’t fix him, shocking, and there’s not enough for me to root for the protagonist being delusional. Ending with just, “Whoa, maybe I can’t” is funny, but it’s not satisfying. If a common complaint is that this album is too long, this song doesn’t feel essential, story-wise. 2.5/5

Best Line: I said all of that, but I do really like the second verse, the best part being, “His hand so calloused from his pistol/Softly traces hearts on my face”.

12. loml- I had a really hard time picking a best line for this song. I almost made a list but decided that would be a little obnoxious. There’s references to her other work expertly weaved in to really great wordplay and metaphors and imagery. The development of the story in the three times you hear the chorus is stunningly good. It’s a pretty simple piano in the background with additional vocal layers right where they are needed for emphasis. There’s something a little bit missing from this song for me to give it a full 5, but I can’t quite put my finger on it and I also think loml really is a grower that’s not meant to be gobbled down in one bite. There’s a lot of lyrical details to be noticed and anything additional might take away from that. I vote this song most likely to be my favorite in 6 months that I don’t understand how it took so long to fully click. 4.5/5

Best Line: I had to do two, from the very beginning and end, that echo each other so it’s kind of like I only picked one then, right??? “Who's gonna stop us from waltzing back into rekindled flames if we know the steps anyway?” —-> “Our field of dreams, engulfed in fire. Your arson's match your somber eyes” Kill me (complimentary). The never before, never since turning into never before and ever since is also brilliant.

13. I Can Do It With a Broken Heart - This song is great. There’s a long history of Miss Swift making bops tinged with depression and anxiety and this may be her most unhinged version yet. A celebration of putting on a brave face when you’re going through some shit. Chanted like a mantra she tells herself, we get a peek behind the curtain of reaching glittering professional peaks not seen in this generation while her personal life was crashing. But no one can ever say Taylor Swift is not a professional - I love the delivery on the outro where she laughs off being miserable and ends with a little spoken zinger. Try and come for her job, indeed. 5/5

Best Line: “I’m so depressed, I act like it’s my birthday everyday. I’m so obsessed with him, but he avoids me like the plague,” tickles me so. This her comedy album. Inevitably going to go viral on Tik Tok at some point.

14. The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived - An absolutely killer bridge. It builds the drama up until the very end. Unfortunately, the verses could use a little stronger melody, the first half of the song is a little forgettable and feels a little clunky. 3/5

Best Line: “You kicked out the stage lights, but you’re still performing” is a close runner up but had to go with the opening of the bridge. “Were you sent by someone who wanted me dead?” is such a perfect escalation and so descriptive of a feeling without saying any feeling words.

15. The Alchemy- I really enjoy some parts of this song but I unfortunately have the desire to hire someone to dub over every single football reference so I can fully get into it. It’s too much, it’s too on the nose. I like the verses, I love the way she says, “I haven’t come around in so long,” and I think “who are we to fight the alchemy?” is a great line. There are just parts that feel like football Mad Libs in a way that makes this song pretty unlistenable to me. 1/5

Best Line: “This happens once every few lifetimes. These chemicals hit me like white wine”

16. Clara Bow - She’s known for writing about relationships and that has let the fact that songs about her relationship with fame are consistently top tier (despite being unrelatable to almost anyone since she is the most famous person on the planet) slip by mostly unnoticed. One of my favorite Taylor tricks is when she alters the lines a bit each go-round and/or flips the script in some way in the final chorus and this song is really an excellent combination of some of the best Taylor moves. I’m not going to pretend have known who Clara Bow was before this record, but it works and I don’t mind an album that makes me do a little Googling to understand some things. The Stevie Nicks reference is perfection. Saying her own name in a song really snaps you to attention. And I think this is a perfect album closer. She’s reckoning just as much with her own desire for notoriety and the consequences that go along with it as she is with former lovers, if you’re listening. 5/5

Best Line: “Crowd goes wild at her fingertip. Half moonshine, a full eclipse.” I’m not even sure I should include the first part. “Half moonshine, full eclipse” is one of my favorite things she’s ever written. (Side note as this is the most appropriate place to put it: the fucking personal poem from Stevie in the liner notes??? Stevie being a loud YOYO,K stan??? I weep at the coolness. Which is the opposite of cool and continuing to comment on it is even worse, sorry!)

Part 3 on the way!!!

[716chr]

“WE ARE M・T・T・B” - Chapter 7

📍 Dance Competition - Venue & Stage

Chihiro: Okayyy, today’s the big day, guys! Are you all meowntally prepared and warmed up!?

Muneuji & Toi & Kiroku: …….

Chihiro: ……Oh? What’s the matter?

Toi: Oh, yes, of course! But…..

Kiroku: That team….. just now…… the one with the winning streak, “Punchline ★”….., their performance was….. really amazing.

Chihiro: Ohh yeah, totally! They’re a pro street dance crew, after all~

Muneuji: The audience is completely theirs now. Their skill level is just too different from ours.

Ten: Well, not like there’s anything we can do about it. Let’s just go with the flow today.

Chihiro: Now, now, don’t say that.

Chihiro: (…….Everyone’s letting the atmosphere get to them. The vibes turning pretty heavy now~)

Chihiro: (With our turn coming up, it’s up to me to hype them up again…..!)

Chihiro: You three, no more sad faces! We’ve got——

Punchline★Taro: Well, well, look who we have here…..

Punchline★Jiro: Aren’t you the ones who got ‘lucky’ with that little viral video?

Chihiro: Ah….. Punchline★?

Punchline★Jiro: I see some new faces….. Did you bring in some extra hands?

Punchline★Saburo: What’s the matter, afraid you can’t win against us without bulking up your numbers? Puhuhu….. [1]

Punchline★Shiro: Aintcha bein’ a little too rude? Hahaha, not that they’ll be able to hear from down there anyway.

Kiroku: ……。

Punchline★Goro: Well, whatever, doesn’t matter. Do your best, little noobs~~ We look forward to seeing you fall flat on your faces~~

Chihiro: Woah~ ……Us plebs are very thankful for your kind words~ [2]

Ten: (Ahaha, been a while since anyone’s talked shit to my face.)

Punchline★Taro: Now then, if you’ll ex-cuusee us.

Chihiro: ……、……。

Toi: Chi-Chihiro-kun….. Are you okay?

Chihiro: Hm? Chii’s totally fine, no problems at all~! So chin up, everyone ♪ No need to worry~♪

Ten: Seriously? Kinda hard to say everything’s peachy with what just went down.

Chihiro: …..Sure, their skills might be toootally crazy but——

Chihiro: We’ve got our own charm, our own styles, and above all, that “spirit of hospitality that always leaves the tourists satisfied” we learned from HAMA Tours!

Chihiro: Doncha think that’s something we absolutely can’t lose in?

Toi: You…. have a point….

Muneuji: Absolutely.

Kiroku: ……Y-Yeah.

Chihiro: Right? ♪

Chihiro: (…..Phew. They finally look less tense now.)

Ten: ……

Chihiro: (Not sure what Ten-cham’s thinking but…..)

Chihiro: So, don’t sweat the other teams! Let’s just focus on havin’ fun and givin’ the audience our best performance!

Muneuji & Toi & Kiroku: Yessir!

Chihiro: Nyahaha, now that’s the spirit ♪

Chihiro: Okaaay, it’s group huddle time~! C’mere, Ten-cham!

Ten: Yeah~ I heard you.

Chihiro: Alrighty, just like before a concert, let’s hype ourselves up by chanting our team name with a loud cheer to get our vibes off the charts and——

Muneuji: ……Team name?

Kiroku: Come to…. think of…. it…, we….. don’t have…. a team name….. yet….

Toi: Did we ever decide on one….?

Chihiro: He he he~~ No need to bug out ♪ Chii’s got it covered~!

Toi: Woah, Chihiro-kun, you’re always so well-prepared! So, what’s our team name?

Ten: Any day now~ We’ll end up with snapped backs if we keep huddling like this.

Chihiro: ‘Kay, gotcha! Drumroll, please! [3] Our team name is——

Everyone: ！

TL Notes:

In the original, Saburo’s laugh is shown as ぷぷぷ and since that reminded me of the infamous Monokuma laugh, I decided to translate it as “Puhuhu” since that was the english localization for Monokuma’s laugh in the first DR game.

Original line is “あざまる畜産で～す。” (lit: “Us livestocks are thankful~”), I took creative liberties with this one since keeping “livestocks” wouldn’t make much sense in standard english. In the Live2D, it kinda implies Chihiro said this line in a self-deprecating for humor way as well, to keep the situation civil.

Original is “それでは発表します！” (lit: I’m gonna announce it now!”). I changed it for the sake of better flow

[ongaunt]

𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐭𝐡 𝐨𝐫 𝐝𝐚𝐫𝐞?

elliott penndragon x eloise fortier

summary: a round of truth or dare at the three broomsticks with the hogwarts legacy crew gets a bit spicy.

tw: alcohol, mild language, mild sexual content

mentions: sebastian sallow, ominis gaunt, garreth Weasley

⟡ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁ ⟡ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁⟡

“What did you mean by that?”

The words spoken earlier between them in privacy replayed in his mind, over and over, despite all his protest. Elliott dared to ask the last question Eloise probably wanted to hear. To his detriment, it probably wasn’t the best time or place. They had finished classes for the day and began walking to the Three Broomsticks where their friends were waiting. If the mood turned sour enroute, it would get much worse when they arrive.

“What?” Eloise mumbled a reply, not bothering to look back at him as she charged up the hill.

“You know – if we kissed it would be weird,” he shrugged.

He tried to keep up with her but Eloise sped on unwavering. She could be a scary person from the outside but Elliott would think he knew her better.

“Why are you asking such a dumb question?”

Elliott scoffed. “Am I really that disgusting to you? Friends do kiss sometimes-“

“What the fuck kind of friends are you hanging out with?” she cringed. “Plus – I know you. I’ve known you and Alexis for forever, it would be weird. Now cut it out.”

“But aren’t you curious? You’ve never thought about it?”

She stopped walking and looked at him as if he grew another head. “No.”

“Wow, okay-“

After that absolute blunder, the two Slytherins walked in silence. The Three Broomsticks never felt so far away. The mood finally lightened once they caught up with their peers, beers in hand and gossiping away like nothing happened. Several butterbeers later, Elliott could feel himself sway a little. He leaned against Sebastian and raised both brows at a dumb joke Garreth made.

“-and that’s what I call a kaiju kitty,” he finished his punchline with a hearty laugh.

The table groaned, Ominis completely ignoring it happened. Elliott stretched his arms, almost hitting his best friend in the process.

“Oi, watch it,” Sebastian warned.

“My bad,” Elliott yawned. “I think I’m done with drinks. Who wants water?”

Perhaps it was the alcohol or the fact that the bar was busy that night – it took Elliott almost half an hour to get six glasses of water. He barely made it out alive. The table was in high spirits upon his return, all of them laughing at something spinning on top of it.

“What did I miss?” he asked blankly.

Ominis lifted his head up slightly at the sound of his voice, “We thought you left! Come, we’re playing a game.”

“Oh?”

“The bottle spins and whoever it lands on has to answer a truth or a dare,” Garreth explained mid-cheer.

Elliott resumed to his seat beside Sebastian, watching the bottle slow to a stop in his direction. “Uh, okay. Dare-“

“No!”

“Don’t-“

Elliott’s tired eyes widened immensely as the table erupted into a roar, everyone yelling in protest all at once. “What?!”

Garreth was laughing, Sebastian shaking his head slowly and Eloise looked like she wanted the ground to swallow her up. Even Ominis had a smirk on his face. The clueless Slytherin threw his hands in the air, confused.

“Eloise said she’d kiss the next person that choses a dare,” Sebastian explained between huffs of laughter. “So I guess that’s you, mate.”

Merlin’s balls. “Okay – fine, I choose truth then-“

“No, no, the bottle is sacred, my friend. You must abide by the rules.”

Eloise looked like she was about to punch Garreth for his stupid game. Alas, she sighed. “Fine. I’m no wuss. Come here, idiot.”

Elliott leaned back in his seat, face crestfallen as their friends looked (and listened) on in amazement. His hand covered his eyes as she got up and made her way angrily toward him.

“Why are you covering your eyes? Don’t be weird about this.”

“-but you said –“ he stopped himself, arguing back to Eloise was always futile. Elliott removed his hand, his cheeks flushed a crimson hue.

Eloise dragged a stool from the other table with a loud squeak, slumping onto it. She manhandled the brunette to look at her, both hands on his cheek.

“Are you sure you’re okay with this? It’s just a stupid game,” he asked.

“Kiss me, coward.”

The silence was loud. The kiss was a soft peck in the beginning but no one could tell who used tongue first. It was a battle of wills, their lips fighting for dominance, tongue clashing clumsily. Sebastian, Garreth and Ominis were stunned. Finally they broke apart, both panting heavily and redder than roses. Eloise silently walked back to her seat and took a big swig of her remaining ale, Elliott wiping his reddened mouth with his sleeve.

“I don’t even need sight to know that was horrendous-“

“-so who’s next?”

[tobiasdrake]

It's nice to get some non-gross Mikuru content. I haven't talked much about Mikuru because she's...

She's hard to talk about.

Mikuru bonding with, uh... with... the sister....

Does she have a name?

Anyways, Mikuru bonding with Kyonsis is cute. I wish I could like the Kyon/Mikuru ship. Which is to say, they get enough cute moments and development together that I would totally support this ship if the show didn't also have Kyon grossly indulging in Mikuru's harassment too.

...in general, a lot of the way the show handles Mikuru is gross. Like. They even brought in Future Mikuru at one point to wax nostalgic about Haruhi's harassment.

That's the kind of move a creator makes when they know they're being gross and want defensibility. "It's okay, she secretly likes it; She'll look back on it fondly some day."

I'm never really sure what to make of Mikuru because this isn't, like, a Male Gazey kind of show. It doesn't have the typical background noise of camera shots lingering on objectified body parts or slow panning over female bodies that typify shows made from the perspective of the Male Gaze.

Even things like the bunny girl outfits or Haruhi aggressively beginning to change while people are still in the room as a power play aren't dwelt on to the extent you'd expect from the Male Gaze.

But Mikuru feels like a character from one of those kinds of shows. The recurring joke is Haruhi physically bullying Mikuru, forcibly stripping her, making guys molest her, making her dress in various fetishized costumes, forcing her to eat expired shit from that guy's fridge they broke into, etc. - often to the point of leaving Mikuru in tears, and... that's it. That's the punchline. LOL Haruhi objectifies her body and treats her like shit.

This is one of three main things Mikuru does. The second is to form a Love Corner of

Haruhi -> Kyon (<-?) -> Mikuru

And honestly? Like 90% of the time, Kyon and Mikuru's interactions are great. But then he does shit like saving those erotic Mikuru photos he made Haruhi delete to a private folder for his personal perusal. Or says shit like this.

Or the show does shit like this.

Future Mikuru literally telling Kyon, "For compensation, feel free to make out with my past self while she's drugged!"

He does not. Thankfully. But it's so fucking weird that she even said that. Why would you write this dialogue?

And then her third thing is time travel. Which isn't given the same level of gravitas as Itsuki and Yuki. She can't fight the battles like they can. She can't exposit information like they can because everything's classified. She isn't even very good at time travel; It's explicitly brought up that Yuki's better at it.

Essentially, she has no powers or abilities beyond being present in the group so Kyon can ogle her and Haruhi can molest her.

If this were a big Male Gaze type of show, I'd be like, "Oh, yeah, she's the Fanservice Girl. Got it." But it's not. So I just. I don't understand why she's handled like this. Why is this here?

Which is what makes it nice when the show isn't doing that, and instead we get nice Mikuru content where she's being happy and everyone's treating her well.

Less of... whatever all of that is and more of this please. She's great with kids! She plays Go Fish!

Which she took second place in, by the way. Mikuru beat God at cards and entertained the small child while doing it. So HA!

[antimony-medusa]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers.

I was tagged by @regicidal-optimism

In no particular order:

A World Away (A Step Apart), (14,531 words) my OW superhero/supervillain romance with identity shenanigans, a dystopian world, and in-world supervillain RPF social media posts. This one was so fun to write. I've spent a lot of time on various social medias over the years and I delved into it for the fake discourse, and some of those social media jokes are some of my favourite things I've written. Plus I got to make up two guys that I love, OW is so fun.

A Hundred Things You Have Not Dreamed Of, (27,743 words), a DSMP emduo au in a vaguely superhero au about coming back from dehumanization. This fic was the one where I had to go holy shit I really do keep writing about food as healing I need to start tagging that on my fic, but also I just had a great deal of fun delving into, on the one hand, the hurt/comfort of expecting pain and not getting it, and on the other hand, the actual legitimate joys you can find in the small good things of a life you're choosing to live, even if baldly speaking it's not a great life. Like these guys don't know how to cook, and they live in a shitty apartment, and they have minimum wage food service jobs and don't have internet, but they also have friendship and community and 3 meals a day, and a laptop that can play videos, and that can also be something to appreciate. Plus it was a really fun challenge to take characters who basically don't act like the characters at all, because of trauma, and show them gradually growing into themselves. I still love this one a lot.

three deaths, no burials, one sunrise, (804 words). Oh boy. This one. DSMP, and c!wilbur focused, and second person, and inspired by a richard silken poem and a ursula vernon speech and a post about how wilbur didn't get a grave. At this point I don't even know if that's true canon, but I love this fic for how completely it took over my brain, I sat down and wrote it in one setting. Fuckin' pulled out of me like unspooling rope hand over hand. Having complicated feelings about your death and how it was marked or unmarked by the people around you, and exploring that through video game statistics, is something that can be so personal.

The Totem Of Undying Job, (62,696 words), DSMP, the syndicate heist Las Nevadas. So oh man, this was written in the era of the prison arc and you can probably tell, but I am still proud of how much I went into existing lore for the characterizations, not to mention proud of pulling off a long-fic. I keep thinking of it and going "man I should write more prey duo", or "I should write more tntduo", or "dang, beeduo slaps", or what have you. The first full and complete novel-length thing I had written in almost a decade, and I still think it hangs together, concepted and written entirely just me with myself in a google doc. The way I approach writing is very different nowdays, but I still love this one and I'm proud of pulling it off.

And honestly there's a lot of fics jockeying for this final spot, but I will give it to Soothing Natural Energies by Rebalancing External Wealth, Today, At Rekindled Flames Marriage Therapy Conference, (4,482 words), my origins sneegza marriage fraud shenanigans heist. I wrote this one in 24 hours for an exchange, and I was absolutely digesting my own stomach with anxiety the whole time, but I got it done, and then I posted and people said it was funny! And it had good worldbuilding! They liked it! And I drank some coffee and sat down to read it and went what do you know, I also like this, I think it's funny. Sometimes when I go oh god can I actually write comedy I go back to this one and I remind myself that yes, I can feel out how punchlines work. Also that I should write more origins, it's delightful.

tagging: @chrysalizzm, @imperialkatwala, @creetchure, @lennjamin-o7, @droidofmay

(don't feel obligated, any of you, I was just mentally paging through the people I follow trying to find people who hadn't already been tagged.)

[merv606]

“10,000/100 would read!

Also - you have a point - there were no NEW deranged men after Terry 🤔

Coincidence?! I THINK NOT!

New HC accepted!”

Daniel was sure Terry was lying in the beginning… nobody who wasn’t famous could possibly have this many stalkers.

Conveniently, none of these instances could be verified — and truth was never Terry’s strong point...

But then Terry started talking about people he actually remembered… some were innocuous, but memorable… some, he’d never forget… but how did Terry know?…

“… then there was that gentleman in the white jacket at the dealership… in 2011… remember?”

Daniel’s expression told him he knew exactly who Terry was referring to.

“Victor Grais made a very inappropriate pass at you before you had security escort him off the premises. You had his picture up for a whole year before you took him off The List… I’m sure you were relieved when he never came back…”

Oh god, he didn’t want to KNOW…

“He was at your house, Danny. He followed you home… This man had three restraining orders against him; and a rape charge, he broke into his home, too. Luckily, he didn’t have kids… ”

All the oxygen left the room at the implication of that statement.

Amanda! The kids! Samantha wasn’t even ten then. Anthony was barely potty trained.

“… and I couldn’t allow him to do to you what he’d done to others. Do you understand?”

He wished to god he didn’t… and then Terry. kept. going.

“Ha, you know who really would have worried me — I mean, if I didn’t already know I had the ability to handle him?” He chuckled, as if he was about to deliver a punchline to an extremely funny joke.

“I’ll tell ya — The one you really shoulda been worried about was Snake…”

Who?!

“I’m Snake, by the way…”

Oh… He had completely forgotten about him… Wasn’t there a third guy? What was his name—

“Let’s just say he went beyond the scope of our contractual terms… followed you when you didn’t need to be followed… the number of photos he had developed…”

Terry’s tone changed then to something that almost resembled an apology, confession, or shame… hell he didn’t know, it was just something he’d never heard from Terry before, “I kept one actually… you were practicing your kata with Mr. Miyagi in the park before the tournament… the angle and the way sun hit your hair and profile… one thing about Snake, he was talented with his camera.”

At Daniel’s look, he assured, “Oh no, sweetheart, don’t worry — I made sure to confiscate all the photos including the negatives. He doesn’t have any of them.”

God, how does a man as sharp as Terry *completely miss* the point?!

Terry outright threw his head back and laughed. “You know, he asked me if he could have you right after the tournament? Since my… original plans didn’t work out, he thought you were up for grabs. I could tell, he really thought he was gonna romance you or,” he waved a dismissive hand, grin still on his face, “something... He was gonna ask you out on a date. He was all dressed up, and had a dozen roses in his car the day I had to set him straight—”

“Terry, I can’t take this any more—”

“They weren’t all this bad. Others were more of a nuisance, ready… like Tom Cole…”

“OH GOD! Terry, that’s a business rivalry he sometimes takes too far. He’s just an ass.”

“He wanted you and you turned him down…”

“As a mechanic. He tried to poach me— you know what? That was almost 20 years ago!”

“You think it was your mechanic skills he was after? Sweetheart, he wanted much more than that, and he doesn’t take rejection well. 20 years later he was still going after you…”

“Like you?” Daniel said, holding his gaze.

Terry only smiled at him with that trademark psychotic fondness, as if they had just shared an in-joke, before continuing.

“Did I tell you I knew his father? William was the DA I worked with whenever I had some legal issues that needed to be handled.”

“Corrupt DA, and corrupt son. Right.”

“Tom had a bad habit of going after men and women who were out of his league. Bill had to step in and clean up his messes more than once… then, as I understand it, he sent you a box of vibrators and dirty magazines… Is that right?… That’s probably why you thought he vandalized your billboard.”

Daniel was glad he was sitting down, as he started to get dizzy.

He knew the sausages were from Cole. He’d done it before. He had just been grateful they weren’t as bad as the toys and porno mags. He had been beyond embarrassed when Mr. Miyagi had opened the box. It had taken more than tea and a breathing exercise for Mr. Miyagi to calm him down that day.

“It was a stupid prank… That’s all he did...” But his voice lacked conviction.

“I made sure that’s as far as he went. Like I said, he doesn’t take rejection well. Bill had to bribe more than one judge and cop to keep him from getting slapped with handcuffs and a restraining order. And you were his latest target.” Terry’s expression went dark. Very dark. “But I managed to convince him to move along. Quickly. For his own health.”

The room was really beginning to spin now.

“But sweetheart, I want you to understand — these men were a threat to you. But they never harmed you. Because I will do whatever it takes to keep you safe. You’ll never know how much you mean to me. I will always protect you. I love you.”

All Daniel could think, but knew better than to voice, was, You really don’t see the difference between you and them, do you?

🥹🥹

Thank you - *tucks ficlet safetly into pocket*

[annoyed-galaxy]

Fictober 2024 ~ 6

"I'm not giving up"

Fanfiction: Dragon Age 2 Dealing with some Fade stuff where Hawke is forced to live a half-dream, half-nightmare scenario and his friends have to try and convince him to come back to the real world as he truly is. Can also be found on Ao3

It always had to be the Fade, hadn’t it? Yet somehow, Anders was not Justice. Justice was still quietly slumbering away within. That made him relieved considering the company he was with. 

A broody elf, a dwarf, and a possessed mage walk into the Fade. 

Now they just waited for the punchline. 

However, the three of them knew why they were here, against all odds: their friend, Seth Hawke, Champion of Kirkwall, and Anders’s lover, had been sent here. Of course — as many of their problems were oft to be caused by — blood magic was involved. Seth apparently couldn’t ever get any peace in Kirkwall, even after becoming the Champion. Honestly, it shouldn’t have been that surprising considering he was a free mage unlike most in Kirkwall. The Knight-Commander knew he was a mage and so did everyone else. The only reason he was never locked up in the Gallows was because of his status as Champion. He was the defender of the city. 

And as much as Meredith hated that, she knew she had to let him reign free. 

But there were always people jealous or even wary that Seth was allowed to roam free. Especially knowing he had a few apostate friends as well. So it was bound to happen that Seth would be kidnapped and jettisoned into the Fade by a couple unhappy blood mages. How Seth was kidnapped, no one even knew. He was sleeping soundly next to Anders just the night before. 

Anders managed to arrange a few favors and got enough lyrium to send himself and two others into the Fade to find Seth and bring him home. Anders had fully expected Justice to take over once he stepped into the Fade physically, but Justice hadn’t. 

As the three of them traveled across floating rocks, shivering at the green atmosphere, Varric finally let out a groan. “I swear if I end up in the Fade one more time, I’m quitting.” 

Fenris looked at him with a raised brow. “Quitting what?” 

“I’m just going to stick to writing books in a nice home on the coast, far away from magic and all this other shit.” The dwarf ran a hand through his hair. “How are we even supposed to find Hawke in here?”

Anders ignored the dwarf’s complaints, but answered his question. “The Fade naturally leads you to your desires. If we desire to find Seth, then we should be able to.” 

“Then how come we haven’t found him, yet?” Fenris questioned, crossing his arms. 

Anders frowned. “I don’t know. Something’s weird. I should have turned into Justice as soon as we entered the Fade, but I didn’t. It’s like the laws have been bent here for some reason.” 

“Why don’t we just go find Seth in the real world, then?” Varric asked. 

“Because from what Aveline told us, his captors had sent him fully into the Fade. His physical body is not in the real world anymore.” 

“So he’s like us?” Fenris asked. 

Anders nodded. “Right now, none of us exist in the real world. We’re all here physically, when normally only I or Seth could be here physically and only in our dreams.”

Varric grumbled to himself. 

Anders looked back at the two of them. “If you do not wish to stay, then I can send you back, but I’m not giving up. I’m going to find Seth and I’m going to bring him home!” Anders snapped at them. His flickered blue for a second and Fenris took a slight step back, caution filling his eyes. 

“I’m not saying I want to leave, even though I do, but I also want to find Hawke,” Varric digressed. “No offense Blondie, but I don’t know how long you’re going to last unpossessed right now.” 

Anders looked at his hands. “I don’t know either.” 

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

They traveled for what seemed like hours, or days, or years. Time was wonky in the Fade. It could have been seconds that passed in the real world while they lived a millennia in the Fade. However, they had eventually come to a scene that looked a lot like Lothering, Seth’s old home that he fled from during the Blight. However, the village looked thriving. 

The three of them traveled down the streets until they came to a house on the outskirts of the village, far away from everyone else and from the Chantry. They could see two teenagers running in the fields, playing tag or some other children’s game. They saw the late Leandra Amell on a rocking chair, knitting away at some garment. 

Then they saw a man who approached Leanda and gave her a kiss on her head. His hair was black and eyes a piercing blue, but a wide smile on his face. He looked out at the two teenagers running across the field and stood proudly. He looked old, similar in age to Leandra. Varric frowned, but before he could say anything, a lithe woman walked through him and approached the black haired-man. 

The three of them watched as the woman dropped a large sack at the foot of the man. They were stunned, as she turned to watch the teenagers, to recognize familiar red eyes. The woman’s white hair was long and straight, drifting all the way down to the small of her back. She looked young, but not too young. About Anders’s age. However, her body was lean and thin. She had slight muscle buildup around her arms, but her face looked soft and round. 

“That’s not…Hawke, is it?” Fenris asked, looking at the woman in disbelief.

Varric looked confused. “It’s almost as if it were a female version of him.” 

Anders shook his head, sadness filling his eyes. “No, this is him.” Fenris and Varric looked up at Anders in surprise. “He must be in a world where he never transitioned.” 

“Wait, seriously?” Varric asked.

Anders nodded. “He revealed it to me our first night together. It’s never come up since then so he never felt the need to tell anyone else.” 

The white-haired woman looked at them and frowned. Those piercing red eyes were not filled with humor like Seth’s always was. She approached the three of them and crossed her arms, looking at them with suspicion. “Who are you?” she asked them. 

Anders cleared his throat and offered a smile. “We are friends of yours. You’re in the Fade right now, a dream. One that has skewed your reality.” 

The woman scoffed. “Yeah, okay and I’m the King of Fereldan.” 

“Samantha?” called the voice of Leandra. “Is everything okay?” 

“Yeah, everything’s fine. Just dealing with some snoopers,” the woman barked over her shoulder. She eyed the three of them again. “I suggest you leave us alone. We want no quarrel with you. Tell whoever sent you to stop bothering us.” 

“We weren’t sent by anyone,” Varric said.

Samantha scoffed again. “Uh huh. That’s what a templar dog would say.” She stepped close to Anders, anger and a threat flashing across her red eyes. “If the templars do decide to finally come and tear my family apart, you’ll regret the day you ever stepped near our fucking house. Do you understand, bastard?” 

Anders backed up shaking his head. “We’re not templars!” 

“Yeah, this one hates templars,” Fenris pointed at Anders. 

“Then who the fuck are you?!” Samantha growled, her fingers twitching as the air around them all started to crackle. 

“Just look!” Anders held out his hands and willed the air to cool around them, forming a spike of ice in one hand. Then he willed a flame into existence in the other one. He took his hands and clapped them together, causing the flame to burst and ice to shatter, causing a lightning spark to shoot into the air before fizzling away. “I’m a mage, too.” 

Samantha seemed to relax, but did not lower her guard. “I still don’t understand what you’re doing here then.” 

“We’re here to rescue you,” Varric reiterated. 

“Rescue me? From what?” She snorted. “My happy life here? I have a loving family and more than I could ask for.” 

Anders looked at her sadly. “This isn’t you though. And this life your living…It’s not yours.” Anders motioned to the village behind them. “Lothering is gone. You ran from it during the Blight.” He pointed to the family in the back. “Your family is all but dead. Only Carver remains and he’s a Grey Warden.” 

Her eyes flicked to Anders. “How do you know my brothers name?” she hissed. 

“Because we know you,” Fenris responded. 

“This isn’t real, Seth,” Anders said quietly, holding a hand out to the woman. She backed away. 

“My name isn’t Seth.” But even as she said it, doubt started to form in her eyes. 

“It is. You are a man living in Kirkwall. You are the Champion of Kirkwall,” Anders pressed. 

Samantha backed away some more, clutching her head. “No, you’re wrong! My name is Samantha! I’m a girl living in Lothering with my family and nothing bad ever happened to us!” 

“Seth please,” Anders stepped forward, chasing her retreat. “Just listen to me.” 

“I don’t even know who you are!” she yelled at him. 

Anders’s heart cracked, for but a moment. He would save Seth from this dream. “I’m your…I’m your partner,” Anders revealed, with a hand to his heart. “You gave me this, remember?” Anders turned his head and pointed to the red hair tie he had his half-ponytail in. “And this.” He flicked his gold earring. “And this,” he motioned to a red band around his wrist. “And I gave you this.” Anders reached out towards the woman and she flinched, but as Anders put his hand on her chest, he grabbed the red feather that was attached to a leather chord, wrapped around her neck that had appeared as he reached for it. 

She looked at it in shock, gently holding the feather in her hands. Recognition seemed to flash in her eyes. “I…I remember being unable to sleep…Then I went for a walk and I…I got hit upside the head.” She scratched her head. “Then I was back in Lothering and I…” She looked down at herself. “This isn’t me. I never wanted to be this.” She put her hands on her chest, feeling the breasts that should not have been there anymore. She touched her face which was too round and soft. 

Anders put a hand on her cheek. “This isn’t you. It’s a dream. Your name is Seth and you don’t look like this.” 

The woman looked back at her family, tears starting to form in her eyes. “But if I’m like this, they get to live. If I stay like this, I at least have my family.” 

Varric approached and put a hand on her forearm. She looked back at the dwarf, tears rolling down her face. “But this isn’t your life. You wouldn’t be happy living here, trapped in a body that isn’t your own. You know it’s a dream Hawke. You can’t stay here.” 

Samantha looked back down at her hands and let herself fully cry. “But my family!” 

Anders pulled her into a hug, rubbing her back. “We’re your family,” he said. 

The village started to fade away, the field vanished and the twins disappeared. Leandra and Malcom drifted away along with their house and they were all left in the Fade once more. 

A bright light surrounded Hawke, but Anders didn’t let go, until Hawke finally pushed away.

Anders, Fenris, and Varric all let out a sigh of relief as Seth appeared, his hair shoulder length now and in it’s half-bun. His face pointed and angular with a black stubble growing all along his chin. He chest was flatter and his body a bit more broad. Yet those red eyes were still the same, just filled with tears now. Anders simply smiled and kissed Seth, relieved to see his lover again. 

Varric and Fenris coughed and once the two lovers pulled away, Seth sighed. “Thank you guys for saving me. I…I can’t believe I let myself be consumed by a dream like that, even becoming something I wasn’t.” 

“It’s okay, buddy,” Varric smiled, nudging Seth’s arm. 

“I must say, this was an interesting and surprising fact to learn,” Fenris admitted. 

Seth let out a dry chuckle. “It’s something I struggled with a bit growing up. But my mother and father were supportive. I was twelve around the time I started changing. When I no longer wanted to be a woman. When I had to finally become a man.” Seth looked down at himself and smiled. “It feels good to be back.” 

Anders nodded his agreement. “It is certainly nice to have my Seth back.” 

Seth beamed and took Anders’s hand in his own. “Well, shall we get going? I suspect you know of a way to get us out of here?” 

Anders tapped his chin. “Erm…Well…” 

“Mage…” Fenris growled. 

Anders laughed nervously. “I might have forgotten an important part of this method was making sure there was someone on the outside to get us back in the real world.” 

Everyone looked at Anders in shock. 

“You’ve got to be kidding Blondie,” Varric shouted. 

“I’m going to kill him,” Fenris growled. 

Suddenly, Anders’s eyes flashed blue and cold fire burst from his feet, swirling around him. Seth let go of his hand and backed up as the fire settled and blue cracks formed on Anders’s body. “Justice, please tell me you can get us out of here,” Seth asked the spirit who had finally appeared. 

Varric almost shit himself when the spirit’s eyes rolled and let out an exasperated sigh. It was such a human response that he had not expected the angry spirit of Justice to ever make. 

“I tried to tell Anders, but he refused to listen,” Justice groaned. “Yes, I can get us out of here. It will take time and considerable energy. Anders may not wake up for a long while once we return to the physical world.” 

“That’s what he gets,” Fenris snarled. 

Seth let out a nervous chuckle. “Yeah yeah, let’s just get out of here.”

Justice managed to manipulate the Fade just enough that the four of them were able to leave and all appeared in the same area Anders had cast the spell to begin with. As Justice said, Anders was unconscious for the next few hours, but eventually recovered. Though not without being berated by Fenris for a bit.