#too busy being emotional
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don't talk to me
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collage poem about Loop
#skitters up and drops isat fanart on my unsuspecting followers once again#this game has been haunting me all YEAR and ive been too busy to make good fanart. but we have arrived now its happening#the lines here are cut from my partner @ capegloam's poetry book 'youre saltwater / im chlorine'#rearranged and taken wildly out of context of course#this has a digital background + touchups but the drawing and poem are traditional inks. u just cant tell anymore lol#i have many strong emotions and feelings and thots about loop. my beloved freak#isat#isat loop#in stars and time#isat spoilers#<- hella vague but being safe ig#art#dogyolk
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Incredible that Fraser's one (1) friend before Ray was Diefenbaker and he actually thinks that DIEF WAS THERE OUT OF DUTY
#THEY MADE FRASER CRY IN COURT THEY MADE HIM TEAR UP THIS IS UNCOOL#also - definitive proof that Fraser literally has no people friends in Canada and his dad was too busy being a mountie instead of a dad#jfc#I'm watching the Wild Bunch#due south#WHY AM I EMOTIONAL OVER A DRAMEDY
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rereading the hivebent commentary makes me so annoyed that people are never really willing to analyze the actual effects that alternian culture clearly had on every troll, especially the highbloods. pretty much the only troll who ever actually gets taken in the context of her upbringing is vriska.
no one ever seems willing to think about the character arcs of trolls like equius and terezi, who are also bluebloods with extremely hypocritical and toxic understandings of the people around them-- equius is boiled down to a gross creep who is just like that naturally and definitely didn't get it from his society in any way, whilst terezi is scrubbed of virtually all her flaws and turned into a strange sort of based love interest character who is all about being gay and too cool to be tricked by any of the alternian propaganda. quadrants? classism? how silly! terezi would never believe in stupid shit like that. she's quirky! and GAY!
despite the fact that equius and terezi both obviously have much, much more to their personalities than that-- and the alternian empire is informing way more dangerous things about these kid's beliefs than "kiss annoying people".
#hsmeta#op#terezi wants to be a cop and views herself as responsible for vriska BECAUSE OF HER HYPOCRITICAL IDEAS OF JUSTICE#shes NOT just obsessed with dealing with vriska because shes interested in her she has weird freak codependency because her COP HYPOCRISY#she is also gay for vriska but thats part of the Turmoil. thats part of her struggle with her need to kill vriska.#terezi thinks shes Holier Than Everyone and that shes the only one who can kill vriska w/o it being petty revenge#ignoring that she's actually the one with more emotional investment in vriska than ANYBODY#man there are so many interesting things to say about terezi but everyone is too busy making her the mouthpiece for their Woke Takes#bcuz they actually think terezi is woke. and not a deeply confused and distraught girl with more issues than bones#i also like equius but ive made posts abt him before. lol#homestuck#i could talk about eridan and feferi and gamzee too actually#and how i rarely ever see anyone talk about them In The Context Of Alternia. its always just oh well they did a bad thing that annoyed me.#vriska gets hundreds of thousands of pages of discourse into why alternia and her upbringing affected her actions but nobody else does#idk. i went on for too long in these tags already LOL#btw the inspo for this post was my lovely partner as usual 💫
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“I don’t need you.”
It sounded less grounded than the villain had wanted it to. It sounded like something someone had told them to say, and they were just repeating it with half hearted determination. They said it again, “I don’t need you.”
“No,” the hero agreed. They were grinning. “You don’t.”
The villain floundered. They, in all honesty, wanted a fight. To prove something, they supposed. That they really didn’t need the hero. That they weren’t in the wrong, here. “What?”
“I said,” the hero said slowly, and the beginnings of a grin curled at the edges of their mouth. “You don’t need me.”
“I don’t need you,” the villain repeated, and the hero nodded encouragingly. It just made the villain want to hit them.
The hero lounged against the doorframe, halfway in and halfway out of their apartment. And truly, that was the worst bit of it all—the hero wasn’t showing up outside the villain’s house, or driving by the villain’s work to see if they truly looked happier without them. But the villain was.
They wanted to scream, and kick, and throw plates onto the ground.
‘Leave me alone.’
But they couldn’t say that, because the hero had. They had cut contact and blocked numbers and ignored the villain’s car as it went by. Still, the villain felt haunted. As if they would never be clean of the hero, parts of their soul forever dirtied by it all.
The hero’s smile, and the way their voice sounded when they knew the villain would cave to their wishes.
They just wanted the hero to—
“Leave me alone.” It slipped out against their better judgement. From the way the hero’s grin widened, they knew it had been the worst thing they could have said.
“Darling, I have,” the hero said, their tone saccharine. Pitying. “You’re the one outside of my apartment.”
It felt like being burned alive, the frustration of it. The way it rose in their chest but had nowhere to go, leaving them shaking with nothing and everything trapped under their tongue.
“That’s not what I meant and you know that—“
“What, you miss me that bad? I thought you—“
“Shut up,” the villain snapped. The hero raised an eyebrow.
“It’s eating you alive, isn’t it?” They sounded pleased.
“It’s not,” the villain protested.
“I told you, you don’t need me.”
“I know,” the villain grit out.
“But you want me.”
Something in the villain’s brain stalled.
“Excuse me?”
“You don’t need me. You never have,” the hero said it like it was a fact. “You want me, though. Even as the sound of my name burns you, and the memory of me rots in your mouth, you’re going to want me.”
“You’re wrong.”
“Am I?” The hero’s voice dropped to a whisper. “You can go out to every bar in this city, kiss a hundred people who look like me and get just drunk enough to forget you’re not mine anymore—but you’re never going to stop missing me.”
The hero knew, of course they did, how hard the villain had tried to forget it entirely. The disaster they had become trying to be clean again.
“No matter how many shots you take to block out the memory of me, you’ll always be mine.”
“You’re insane,” the villain finally managed. The hero simply tipped their head to the side in acknowledgement. “That’s not-what’s wrong with you—“
“You’re the one who misses me.”
It stung, deep in the villain’s stomach. It took them too long to remember how to breathe—too long after that to think of what to say.
“If I’m lucky, I won’t ever have to see you again,” their voice quivered, slightly. “But knowing us, the next time we meet it will be in hell.”
The hero laughed and closed the door in their face.
The villain blocked them. Avoided the side of town the worked in. Moved three cities over.
It didn’t matter.
The villain could still feel the hero under their skin.
Later, whenever someone would ask, “Have you ever been haunted?”
The villain would think back to the hero.
And say, “Yes.”
#writing#writing community#creative writing#snippet#heroes and villains#angst#fic writing#ficlet#writblr#hero x villain#hero/villain#toxic hero#toxic relationship#emotional whump#hero whumper#yes this is inspired by chapel roan#toxic love#original writing#young writer#villain whumpee#sorry guys I’ve been busy being sapphic#and with graduating and prom and finals and bleh#everything after this is just me being desperately poetic so proceed with caution#yes it is possible to go find a tiny fruit stand and sit on the shore of the river and eat them together#and yes you both can laugh and wade into the water and she can hold your hand because you’re barefoot and she’s in sandals#and the rocks hurt#and you pick the best ones to give to her and propose marriage every time#and yes she says yes every time and finds rocks to give to you too#and yes she can make a playlist of your favorite music specifically for when your in her car#sorry yall im down bad
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is it Talon likely to cheat? I'd love to know more abt how your characters see monogamy
so this one's tricky because for example I currently cannot ever see myself being poly irl and the same would go for Al but um here we are with our extra boyfriend. LOL
As for Talon the tagging on that post is more toward his beginnings (in this AU where he's safe with Smunker and Al) because I did originally make him with the intent to explore Male Manipulator character since I always end up domesticating all my #mean characters (which has kinda also happened here. LOL. Did u know Al was also meant to be an asshole when i made him 10+ yrs ago).
Anyway in this context, at the beginning: Talon is a vampire after all, and finally away from captivity where he had to be silent and agreeable in order to keep his health. As well as finally recovered enough from a massive injury, so he goes a little crazy with doing whatever he wants now that he Can do whatever he wants at the expense of others (what he considers Getting Even considering what was done at His expense).
The grief that has followed him for centuries fuels him as he doesn't want to truly form any attachments to spare himself more heartbreak.
His first encounter, with Al (pre smunker) really was Al doing all the heavy lifting in sorting Talon out. So Talon did in fact "cheat" here (though they weren't exactly Together.) Talon would still do stuff like this ("cheating") in attempts to emotionally harm people he encountered. Luckily Al didn't really gaf because again, they weren't actually Together, it was more casual. But Talon could easily be feigning a relationship with someone else and having Al be the side piece if this makes sense.
Like he couldn't just be normal about the hedonism, he craved control over his life in the form of burnt bridges, and making others not want to be around him. Anyway at the end of his experience with Al, Talon has immense respect for him and knows that Al won't put up with his nonsense. Talon leaves because this is too close to attachment.
When he returns, momentarily tired of causing dysfunction in the lives of strangers, (Smunker is now in the picture) he has to really balance his cruelty. He doesn't respect Smunker but he can't exactly do the cheating schemes under Al's roof OR in Al's hometown where everyone knows each other, so he's evil to him in other ways ➡️ Of Course He Gets Attached ➡️ Grapples daily with the thought of skipping town to avoid the pain of his beloved mortals dying AGAIN but this is all no longer related to cheating anymore...do u understand me.
Alternatively if he has just stumbled upon Skunker (no Al) he'd absolutely feign a relationship with and then cheat on Skunker bc the bond isn't there yet, and Skunker is easy to do this to/will not fight back/will not earn his respect or affection in these surface level interactions. Do u get me.
#sorry for breaking out the novel on u#anyway so yeah like he very well COULD but he respects Al‚ he's getting all his needs met#he has a home and being able to relax and not be on edge about safety makes him a little more tired from#no longer having all that stress#so like. HE COULD. he might even do so in the midst of one of his emotional breakdowns#but its not really an active desire especially since now he's thinking about how he'd rather be sandwiched between#his two organic space heaters#he is now too busy worrying and ruminating on how he'll blink and they'll be dead and he'll be alone again#or wondering when they're going to decide to abandon him because he isn't being useful enough#everyone's hands are far too full#anonymous#skunk mail#oc text
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tell me why a fictional band (eclipse) is putting out better music than some actual artists rn
#lovely runner#this whole ep is solid af#nothing but straight bangers#sudden shower has me an emotional chokehold too like!!!#truly has no business being this good
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I know I cast a lot of shit on Lion El'Jonson for not helping his brother Bobby G with running the Empire despite the fact that the Lion is a straight up soldier, not a "running things" type, but... like... we know what running the Imperium is doing to Guilliman's mental health and there is exactly zero chance that Jonson would ever fucking help him carry that weight.
Honestly, like... Vulkan needs to come back so much. What the fuck is our Best Lump of Charcoal (said with affection) doing? Vulkan is EXACTLY the support Guilliman needs.
#I mean Clonegrim could also do it but he's presently too busy being locked up in Trayzn's museum#this is honestly why I made Ailani#Guilliman deserves at least ONE timeline where he gets the emotional + psychological + administrative support that he needs#roboute guilliman#lion el'jonson#vulkan#primarchs#warhammer40k#warhammer 40000#warhammer 40k#wh40k#40k
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sorry to say but barty + the rosier twins are in love and i’ve thought about nothing else since yesterday
#barty growing up in a family where love and affection is only for show and for the public image#a quiet and strict home where love only comes if someone important is watching#and then barty stumbling into this other family dynamic with the rosier twins#where they love each other in every concievable way#a sibling dynamic that knows no boundaries when it comes to love and intimacy#but its all behind closed doors#rather than the pretend love and intimacy his father holds above barty for the public eye#instead it’s behind closed doors and no boundaries and theirs and real#barty being so possessive over them because they’re his <3#no one is allowed to know them and see them like he gets to know and see them#they both end up dating barty and people talk and people think it’s weird#but they’ll never KNOW and that’s what important to them#people might talk but they’ll never actually know or understand the way they do#pan and ev don’t consider themselves dating or even in love#they already love each other because they’re twins. in every possible way#they’re already together too because they’re twins. calling it something so mundane as ’dating’ wouldn’t cover it#they’re just a unit and they love each other and want each other and barty love them and they love him <3#the polar opposite of bartys family and stumbling into ev and pans family dynamic#makes me insane#makes me EMOTIONAL#and barty being so protective of it#protective over pan and ev but also protective over all three of them#that’s his family :’) and his loves :’)#i dont even think they tell reg what their relationship turns into#everyone knows barty is dating both of them#and everyone talks#but no one will ever know#reg eventually does think he knows#and has a ’none of my business’ attitude about it#bartyrosiers
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If you tracked my eye activity on that bliss promo pic with the tops it would be something like this
Making a major stop at topper
Before crashing into a ditch (yakuya corner)
#i'm having a moment. the only time i'll ever see these two standing next to each other is in a promotional pic for the sfw game version#FOR SERIOUS i was weirded out by this combination of characters in one pic when i first saw it#i was like oh?? they doing a random assortment now? i mean sure! yeah! i guess! spice it up they look great!!#then someone pointed out that this was Tops Only#then showed me the corresponding picture of Bottoms Only#and i felt my eyebrow raise sharply#OOOH.... i didn't even consider... right.... top bottom segregation#(reality does not occur to me. i see them all through switch-coloured lenses and thus ignore information inconvenient to my preference)#then i started thinking more about the . idea of it. that the tops are in a bar's hidden back room with mafia boss dante#and the bottoms are hanging out in the airy beautiful atrium of pure white snow and lilting piano music#tops are like WELCOME TO THE LIONS DEN and bottoms are like HEY COME INTO THE AVIARY AND SIT WITH US 🥰#i dwelt on the fact that i was weirded out by yakumo in this group#and it made me think about how..... yakumo would be scared of all the other tops#all of them are INTIMIDATION 100 to hiim#so i imagine after you get him to pose for this shot with everyone. and the business is done#yakumo will quickly retreat to the room with the bottoms (where all his friends are)#blade being the adaptable little creature he is will be like OH COOL ARE YOU GOING TO SEE THE OTHERS??#I WANT TO SEE THE OTHERS TOO!! MORE FRIENDS!! LET'S GO TOGETHER n_n *links arms* *DRAGS everyone else out of the room*#imagining yaku being first ushered into this dark room with kuya dante and quincy#and he's just nervously glancing at topper for reassurance that there's no danger#just trembling and thinking about how he wants his emotional support wolf/vice captain/priest/earring twin senpai#no yakumo. i wanted you to mingle. and you shall mingle#wear matching outfits with your fellow Tops and (topp) until you build trust and reduce their Intimidation Factors#nu carnival dante#nu carnival blade#nu carnival quincy#nu carnival kuya#nu carnival yakumo
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wip thing...
of my bg3 avatar hellebore. i also did some casual nude studies of my 3 characters which i'll put under a cut... rather unlike me after all. (so WARNING for abrupt non-sexual full Artistic nudity lol...,,,,) (< won't be making a habit of this)
they mean the world to me
#bg3 spoilers#?? idk. gith look so..Emaciated. And long. i guess we don't eat on the astral plane :) anyway..well..too much to say.....#it is very very very depressing having to live in the Real World after that final playthrough meant so very much to me.#i normally feel Hope & suchlike after finishing a highly immersive emotional game..but it's too hard this time and it hurtsssss lol yippee#i appreciate bg3 very much for being a place where i could access the concept of nudity & such like in a way that finally felt comfortable.#bodies are inherently non-sexual. they just Are a Fact of Life. this game being NORMAL about nudity from the character creation screen#makes it possible for someone like me to actually have a chance at accessing sensuality in a way that feels comfortable from there.#dont feel like putting it into words further. im ace. just very grateful to this game. even despite the horrors i will never ever forget it#augoh..gugf.. want to go back. my friends & love are in there.....i'm supposed to just move on? in the real world??? THIS place???? UHH????#my characters canonically look like that too!! i see them as intersex and not so much trans. They just look that way.#Diversity win!!! the people who enacted horrors upon you and are trying to kill you again respect your pronouns!!!! <3#I FAILED HONOUR MODE IN THE STUPIDEST WAY POSSIBLE..ACCIDENTALLY TOUCHED AN ITEM. MY LOVER TOUCHED SOME BLOOD-TOUCHED RAG ITEM @ THE CRECHE#AND MY PEOPLE MASSACRED US... YOU BELOVED PRAT. OF COURSE IT WOULD BE YOU AND IN THIS WAY#grateful for love triangle chaos...INTENSE EX DRAMA... IT HAD MAJOR REPURCUSSIONS THIS TIME...ohh so very much happened ohh my dear#truly don't know how to face the Real World now for real. I Don't Know. something has snapped. ive realised twt just makes me feel sad lol#if something in my spare time isn't at least half as fun as bg3....like.. it's not good enough. god we only have one wild and precious life#being Online makes me feel a loneliness so wretched and painful and horrible i really don't think this is the answer.#Why did you even start drawing in the first place? Why did you start this?#For real..the need to work this out and decide what on earth i'm going to do now has presented itself. Why try to get better..why be online#someone who has an imagination that can keep them so happy and fulfilled...has no business also feeling a loneliness as profound as this.#why was someone THIS introverted and withdrawn and anxious also cursed with such a restlessness?#What are you going to DO now? because hellebore and their lover are fine....... So what about you...?#hellebore..😭😭 AUUGHH!! I JUST WANT TO GO TO MY BED IN THE INN...PLAY ON MY VIOLIN THAT'S WHAT I'D DO!!!! i'd drink some ALE DAMNIT!!!!!#i was rereading My Lesbian Experience With Loneliness- the only time i've seen this level of emotional isolation depicted-and was grateful.#but then i read her latest book and now she has a debilitating substance abuse situation and it's upsetting.#I hope she finds what she was looking for. I hope we all make it. kind of wild that i dont do such major self-sabotage at this point myself#I truly think anyone who manages to find dear friends and achieve fulfillment and happiness with others outside themselves are amazing.#I see it happen from my tower. i hope we all make it. I hope we can make it through everything to come.#Why did i say all this on drawings of my characters naked. ah who even cares any more......
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Rewatched the episode of House MD where Kutner dies and I honestly think instead of killing his character off, they should have said that Kutner got a job as physician to then President Barack Obama and that's why he was leaving. Objectively funnier since his actor did leave the show to work for Obama and I know it would have driven House nuts that Kutner was ditching to go play doctor with the President instead of getting verbally abused for House's amusement.
#house md#house md spoilers#i mean#the show is like a decade old but Kutner's death is kind of a big spoiler#lawrence kutner#but like#u KNOW Taub and Foreman would be seething with jealousy#kutner shows up one morning like hey guys i got a new job! I'll miss you!#and house makes some bitchy comment about who would be crazy enough to hire the guy who set a patient on fire#and Kutner is like the president did lol#thirteen would find Foreman's undying rage HILARIOUS im sure#i like to hc that Kutner is her Little Buddy™#Taub would be ready to kill someone#and House is mad bc well its p much impossible for him to meddle#can't very well intimidate and terrorize the president into not hiring one of ur emotional support ducklings bc ur jealous#wilson and cuddy c plot (Kutner's political career is the b plot patients are a plot obviously)#where they have to desperately try to prevent house from being arrested for domestic terrorism (stalking the president)#but yeah they should have just given Kutner the same reason his actor had for leaving#bc i think it would make Taub kill himself out of rage and Foreman would be chewing glass and House is going to end up on a watch list#meanwhile Thirteen is so proud of her emotional support Little Guy™ even if she's too busy talking Taub and Foreman off the ledge#to properly congratulate him#im objectively correct and kind of want to write this as an au fic
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ive talked in the past about keroro's desire to keep things as they are, static, because it's the only way he can have both keron and earth, but while rewatching ep140b I realized it shows the opposite side of this struggle
that no matter his efforts, it's a futile attempt and nothing is improving because everything is staying exactly the same. he spent a week racking his brain for a solution but the episode ends by showing us that he doesn't find one. could it be because the whole time he was fighting alone?
(his voice breaks in the first screenshot...) this to me feels like the same motivation he would have for invading. wanting to leave a mark, making something of yourself, mattering.
chibikero is in shadow, like the gunpla's shadow. he's not real anymore but he represents all the expectations and lost potential on his shoulders. while the small gunpla is in light like keroro. that's the reality of it. but that's also how he feels. small. he hasn't achieved any of his goals. he hasn't lived up to anything he said he would, everything he based his identity on. he's a "pitiful invader". his desire to matter perfectly encapsulates his abandonment issues too.
this collection will outlive him. it will speak of his greatness when he's gone. it's as much his identity as the invasion. it's also his tomb in the exact same way.
he's so happy for a moment organizing his whole collection on the shelves that he thought were gonna solve everything, enjoying the moment as it was, but in the end nothing changed.
is it because he's expendable? easily replaceable, like by a clone? is it because he doesn't see his own worth, so he has to get some (the keron star, his collection, the invasion)? because if he's not useful, he'll be thrown out? or because he doesn't want to be forgotten and left behind?
and yet
he remains insignificant and his fight is fruitless.
#keroro#musing#i love chewing on keroro meta analysis especially visual and size related. being too small and insignificant or being so big u -#take up too much space and are a weight to everyone#i need to know the meaning of the single red zaku in his terracotta army. i will not believe it's just a char nod#and also what in the fuck is the string chibikero wiggles. please help i wanna know so bad. like that does that MEAN#this episode holds so many misteries still#ep 140b#i rewatched it bc ya gurl spent a lil too much money on keromerch after the dramatic incident so i was like oh he just like me fr#i have been so so busy these days that i cant keep my watch and it's killing me. let me watch keroro in peace pls... i hate studying#i did not mean to make a musing post but it just happened it came outta me on its own#the way keroro's room looks is EVERY TIME a meta thing on its own. it says something of his emotions. thats why he stands on top of-#the boxes at the end when he thinks he has overcome it and solved it. wait no this deserves better than tags i will make a separate post#about this
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Old draft i found and wanted to post!!!
monodeku AU fic idea thing where people can fuse (like steven universe gem fusing minus the gems) but ONLY if they have a strong emotional bond.
its their second year of highschool, and the two are friends (monoma swears they arnt). they bonded over their shared appreciation for quirks and such.
At some point they are on patrol and izuku's danger sense goes off for some reason (maybe something falling, maybe a villan idk, haven't thought of the details) so he grabs monoma in a panic to help him avoid the danger.
but instead of moving him they accidentally fuse.
after the initial panic of "oh god what why did we fuse" (mostly from monoma) they have to head back to campus. but the issue is, they don't know how to unfuse.
another thing, i came up with their fusion quirk!!
Its called "copy and paste". basically, it works like copy but the user can give the copies to other people as well as using the copies themselves. the time limit still applies for the copy and the paste.
#monodeku#monoma neito#neito monoma#izuku midoriya#midoriya izuku#mha#bnha#I actually came up with the quirk idea before the fusion idea#i just realized that it would fit their fusion really well#they do unfuse eventually#but then that leads to some interesting conversations and feelings#how i feel after coming up with the best fic ideas but never writing them#Since fusion is a product of strong emotional bonds i bet monoma thought he wouldn't fuse with anyone like ever#and izuku “i have horrible self esteem” midoriya thought the same thing for himself#but for slightly different reasons#monoma and his “im a shitty person and people dont like me so i wont ever fuse”#and izuku with his “people probably find me annoying and ill be too busy being a hero to fuse”#the strong emotional bond can be platonic or romantic btw#in this context its romantic#theres alot of pining#and slowburn in this#and misscomunication#these fucks cannot talk to eachother about serious things for the life of them#imagine the teachers finding out#“okay so you fused” “yes” “#also thinking they might be 5#since monoma is 5#anti bakugou
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A lot of you guys in the replies had really good/funny things to say about the concept of a "subaru being technically under house arrest in the felt camp route" tags and I'd love to talk about it w you too but I feel kinda bad taking over ops post 😭
#someone did say that rein does the lap pillow emotional breakdown scene in this route though which is great 👍 but what i wanted to say was#well does the seemingly-inevitable-in-every-route reinbaru divorce still happen????#they're already good friends in the main route but we're proposing one here where they're far closer if not just due to proximity#but like just going through more shit together instead of reinhard being MIA most of the time bc him being around makes the group too strong#so#but actually it would be kinda funny if it happens in a similar way to his falling out with emilia in arc 3 but this time#he ends up staying at the roswaal estate instead of with the crusch camp#it'll let him get closer with the others before they're all attacked by the witch cult#and then stuff can go down similarly but differently. I'm sure there's some way to rope in the ana and crusch camps though#''ferris julius i have some important business i need to tend to can you guys go check on my idiot for me?#yes the one you beat up last week please just go.''#''he's not signing the papers'' LOL#re:zero
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i think the best person to be waiting for strahd to greet him in the afterlife would be sturm
#unfortunately strahd can’t die because he’s too busy being dead but yk. in a world where They Find A Way#^^^i mean that with emotional depth btw not just silly ‘remember sturm?’ energies
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