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artists-ally · 6 months ago

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{Fake It Like You Love Me} Azriel x Reader x Xaden Riorson x Cassian

*slowly creeps up from the depths of hell* Heeeeeeeey, glad you guys remember I still exist 😭😭 First off, THANK YOU for 600 followers. That's insane and I don't deserve you all so thank you so fucking much. SECONDDDD, here is another part of my Fuck Away The Pain series!! Sorry this has taken me so long to do, but I think you for your patience. As always, let me know what you think and feel free to drop a request if you have any!!! Enjoy! Title and series inspired by this song.

Part 1: {Show Me Where It Hurts} Part 2: {Dirty Little Curse} these do not need to be read in order to be enjoyed!

Word Count: 7,630

Warnings: Smut. Like... an alarming amount of smut. ACOTAR x FOURTH WING, Dom/Sub, MMMF, use of the nicknames "pet" and "sir", oral (M and F receiving), pet play, degrading, praise kink, choking, spanking, cum eating, unprotected sex.

Tagging: @lees-chaotic-brain @thelov3lybookworm @needylilgal022 @librafairy @cyrygher @agent-anna @blessthepizzaman @bubybubsters @highladyofterrasen7 @annabethgranger123 @acourtofbatboydreams @thatacotargirl @berryzxx @throneofsmut

Summary: It is just after the legendary snowball fight. Azriel, Cassian, Rhys and Xaden are in the sauna while you, Mor, and Feyre are inside the cabin. Once Rhys leaves, it seems that there is a vacant spot that needs to be filled.

~~~~~

“So, explain this to me again?”

“Every year, they have a snowball fight. They just keep going and going and going until there’s a winner,” Feyre explains. “This is the first time you and Xaden are here so I think they’re taking it easy.”

From off to the side of the cabin, we hear a shout and then a chorus of laughter.

“Maybe not,” Mor says, peeking out the window. “Cassian just decked Riorson in the face.”

I giggled, sipping my warm tea and curling my legs under myself. “Probably made fun of Cassian’s hair or something. Called him a wet dog.”

“You know damn well that animal will come in here and shake like one too.”

“And after the sauna? Yuck, it’s going to smell for ages in here,” Mor shakes her head.

“The sauna?”

Both of them stop dead in their tracks, exchanging a knowing glance. Feyre looks at me with a twisted smirk. “You don’t know about the sauna?”

“Should I be afraid?”

“Definitely,” Mor grins, setting down her cup. “After they get done, they all go into the sauna together.”

“Naked?” I dare to ask.

“Terribly so,” Feyre adds. “A few years ago, on my first trip to the cabin, I got Rhys kicked out because… well, he just couldn’t stop thinking of me.”

I damn near choked. Then I burst out laughing. I can imagine it. Rhys, Azriel and Cassian sitting in the sauna together. It must be some sort of rule they have. If one of them gets a little too hot and bothered, they’re out. But the thought of them all in there, Azriel and Xaden sweating… does some pretty magical things to my brain.

And the space between my thighs.

“Gods you are just as bad as they are, Yn,” Mor fake gags, coming to sit next to me. “Don’t get too excited. None of us have ever been in, and none of us ever will.”

“Really? That’s kind of shocking, honestly.” There hasn’t been one exception? “I know Cassian is a bit of a…”

“Male whore?” Mor fills in the blank. It makes me giggle.

“I don’t quite know everyone well enough to make those assumptions, but Cassian definitely gives off a certain… aura.”

“Oh please, he’d take it as a compliment,” Mor smiles, playing with some of my loose hair. “But no, not even him. Now, what I cannot believe is how you ended up with both Az and Riorson. That is truly a work of art.”

I can’t help the smile that blooms onto my face. “Some are just more blessed than others.”

Feyre barks a laugh, “I’ll say. You got lucky with those two, you know.”

“I know. We’re not like– together together, but they take very good care of me. I honestly kind of like it. It's all the best parts of a relationship without having to worry about if everyone is getting enough attention. They give me what I need, and I give them what they need.”

“Have you ever asked for more? To be in a real relationship?” Mor asks, curiosity getting the best of her. Feyre smacks her in the shoulder. “Ow!”

“Don’t be insensitive,” the High Lady reprimands.

“Don’t be silly,” I wave them off. “I’ve thought about it, but I don’t think that’s what I want. Sure, being in love is great and all, but why complicate it? We work flawlessly together right now, why change? If either of them brings it up, I’ll be open to the idea. But for right now I’m thriving. They are far too generous anyway. They constantly bring me gifts or invite me out to dinner. They’re doing enough for me. Far more than enough.” “Not to mention the world's best sex,” Mor wiggled her eyebrows at me. “What’s it like with the two of them? Are the rumors of the Illyrian true? What about Xaden, is he packing too? Gods I bet he is, isn’t he? Now, I am the last Fae in Prythian who’d want to be taken by two males, but… for the both of them? I might reconsider. Tell me, does Az-”

“Cauldron boil me,” Feyre sighs. “I’m getting a drink.”

“Ooh! Will you bring me-”

“No,” Feyre scolds, heading into the kitchen.

“Crony bitch.”

“I heard that!” Feyre shouts from the other room.

Mor and I share a laugh, snuggling in close together. “This is so fun.”

“Isn’t it?” Mor says, “You’re always welcome back, Yn. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen Az so relaxed. He looks… happy. And I can’t vouch for Riorson but he looks like he needs this too.”

“Yeah it’s been a stressful couple weeks for Xaden. There was a huge issue in his homeland and he nearly lost his life. His dragon is bonded to someone else in his squad, and her dragon almost died. It was scary. I’m just glad he’s okay. On the flight up here he was giving me all his strategies on how he was going to win.” There’s a loud cackle from outside and the sound of bodies running into each other. I looked over the back of the couch, seeing Xaden at the bottom of the pile, snow being shoveled into his face. “Guess they didn’t work so well.”

“They’re probably done now,” Mor explains.

“Sauna time?”

“Sauna time.”

The door opens and the four males clamber in, shaking snow from their hair and clothes.

“I’m gonna get you back for that Rhys,” Xaden grins, evil intent behind those onyx eyes.

“I’d like to see you try. Hey Mor, hi Yn. Where’s Feyre?” Rhys pats the top of Mor’s head, offering me a kind smile.

“In the kitchen!” She calls, the High Lord following the sound of her voice.

Cassian makes a b-line for the couch, shaking his head like a mutt. Mor squeals, I just shut my eyes and take the damage. When I open them, he snickers and sits on the floor, sighing loudly. “And that makes 181 wins for yours truly.”

“Then he must have cheated,” Mor gags, wiping off Cassian’s grime with the bottom of her shirt. “For fucks sake Cass you stink.”

“I’m a hard working male,” he begs to differ.

“Only thing you’re working is gonna be my foot in your ass,” Mor chides, standing up. “I’m going to shower, I smell like a dog.”

“You wish you smelled as good as me. Sorry to catch you in the crossfire, Yn.”

“It’s all good,” I smile, rubbing the few drops I got off on my sleeve.

But the look on Xaden’s face when he comes to sit next to me reflects anything but. He’s got a scowl directed at Cassian, but he makes quick work of masking it, planting a kiss on my cheek. A moment later, Azriel does the same thing.

“Should you be sitting on the couch?” I ask. Xaden’s hair a soaking wet mess, his clothes more the same.

“Trust me,” Azriel chimes in, “There have been far worse things on this couch.”

I blink at him, wondering if I would need to burn my clothes after this. He plops down next to me, slinging an arm over the back of the couch behind my shoulders.

Cassian looks between all three of us. Clearly seeing the size difference and taking notes about it. “I should probably keep my mouth shut.”

“That would be wise, brother,” Azriel grumbles, stretching out his legs. “Where's Rhys? Im fucking freezing and I wanna go in the sauna.”

“He’s in the kitchen with Feyre,” Mor said, rounding the corner from the washroom. She clearly didn’t shower, but she smelled much better. “And we all know what happened the last time the two of them were left alone here.”

“What happened?” Xaden and I asked at the same time.

“Nothing,” Azriel, Cassian and Mor responded in unison.

The dragon rider and I shared a look, a silent promise to ask Az about it later. We had a nice evening planned, dinner with everyone, and then they were going to let Az, Xaden and I spend the night in the cabin. We’ve never been here before today so it was a generous offer. I can tell how much this place means to all of them.

No one needs a vivid imagination to get an idea of what’s going to happen later.

“Fuck him,” Cassian pushes to his feet, binding his hair back with a strip of leather. “Come on, let's get started. He can decide later if he wants to join.”

Cassian and Xaden head out the door, but Az stays seated next to me. “Having fun?”

“Of course,” I reassured, patting his thigh. “Mor and Feyre are very kind. And this is a lovely cabin.”

“Good, I’m glad.”

“Looks like you two had a lot of fun,” I smile, resting my cheek on his damp shoulder. “You smell far better than Cassian.”

“Naturally,” Az smirked. “And yes we did. Xaden needed it, you needed it. It’s always just been the three of us every year, but it felt right to have Xaden here in the mix. You too, obviously.”

“Glad I could make the cut,” I joked, receiving a pinch on my ear.

“Brat.”

“That’s not even close to me being a brat and you know it.” “Don’t I ever,” he grinned, covering my mouth with his. Despite the chill coming from his body, his lips were warm and soft. Full of life, vibrance, and need. “By the sound of it, Rhys won’t be joining us in the sauna. We won’t be in there long, will you bring us some towels around four?”

I looked at the analog on the wall, the hands reading 3:22pm. I nodded, “Sure.”

He curled my hair around his fingers before standing, following the other two outside.

In the meantime, I hung out with Mor and we talked about random stuff. She tried to get more details about Az and Xaden, but I wasn’t willing to give them up. We played a few card games, had a snack and a glass of wine before she winnowed off the mountain and back to Velaris to meet some friends at Rita’s.

Just as I was curling up with a book, I felt a cool whisper circle my wrist. A strand of Azriel’s shadow wrapped around and around in a never ending bracelet. I smiled, looking at the clock. Just seven past four. I head for the closet, grabbing three thick, soft tan towels.

Damn, it's cold out here. How do they not freeze to death? I carefully step in their footsteps so my toes don’t get frozen off. There is a little stone path to the sauna and I gladly jump from stone to stone. With the towels under my arm, I knock on the door.

“I brought your towels, they’ll be out here on this chest,” I shouted, unsure if they’d be able to hear me through the thick wood paneling. There was a small jut out from the roof over the door, ensuring they wouldn’t get covered with snow.

“Will you bring them in?” Xaden calls.

I skidded to a halt, damn near knocking myself over. Did he just say what I think he said? “I thought no females were allowed in the sauna?”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Cassian’s voice boomed. “We just need the towels so our bits don’t freeze off. You can close your eyes if you’re scared.”

Scared? I wasn’t scared, but I didn’t particularly care to see Cassian sprawled out with all his glory on display. Well, okay that's a complete lie. Ever since I first saw the Lord of Bloodshed, I thought he was… well… hot. He’s tall, all thick muscle and confidence. He knows he’s hot shit. I’d imagine if he were a closer friend that confidence might piss me off, but I think he’s funny. He knows what he’s got and he’s not afraid to show it.

“Are you going to bring them or not?” Xaden shouts.

Oh. Right. The towels.

I take a steadying breath and push open the door. A wave of humid, damp air blasts me in the face, instantly melting the flecks of snow on my hair and lashes. There isn’t a light save for a few windows to let some ventilation in. It's dark, but I can make out the three figures. Azriel and Xaden are to the left, and Cassian is to the right.

I keep my eyes on my boys and place towels in Xadens open arms. “Thank you, my dear.”

“Of course,” I smile, carefully avoiding any glimpses of Cassian in my peripherals. Just before I can reach the safety of the outdoors, Azriel’s hand wraps around my wrist, gently tugging me in front of him. His other hand curls around my hip, pinning me still. “Yes, my shadow?”

He all but purrs at the nickname. “Stay.”

Stay. Stay? As in… in here? With him and Xaden and Cassian? “You guys enjoy your time together.”

I tried to take another step, but he sat up, gripping my body to keep it positioned between his powerful legs. I trailed my eyes down his torso, seeing a bit of a surprise waiting for me. “I told you to stay.”

Heat flooded my body, a different heat than the one coursing through the sauna. I quickly glance at Xaden to see him exchanging a glance with Cassian across the way.

“I- I wouldn’t want to kick Cassian out just because you want me, Az. That’s rude,” I say, my breath hitching when he slides his hands under my thick wool sweater. He rakes his nails down my back and I momentarily forget that there is a third set of eyes watching.

“I don’t think Cassian would mind the show, would you, Cass?” Azriel looks around my torso at the Illyrian, and I have to force myself not to do the same.

There isn’t a verbal response from him.

Az roughly grips my hips, forcing me to sit down in his lap. His mouth attaches to mine before I can make a sound. I flinch momentarily when he bites down on my lip, his pace fast and aggressive. The sauna is silent save for the sound of our lips meeting.

Sweat begins to swell around my hairline, trickling down the back of my neck. He removes my sweater and tosses it towards the open door. I wasn’t wearing a bra, and the hot air coats my bare back. Azriel breaks the kiss, latching onto my neck and collar bone.

“Az,” I say, already breathless. “Wh-What are you doing?”

“Are you telling me that you’ve never thought about Cassian before?”

Shit. SHIT.

“I- well I didn’t- not in the way you think I would’ve I was just-”

“That certainly didn’t sound like a no, Yn,” Azriel looks up at me, a knowing glint in his eye. “Did you think I wouldn’t notice?”

“I- I didn’t think… I would’ve never thought that-”

“You have five seconds to tell me to stop. One.”

“Azriel I-”

“Two.” He pushes me back to my feet.

My knees buckle and it’s an effort to keep myself upright in the sweltering humidity. “Why would I have thought that you and Xaden would want-”

“Three.” He stands, towering over me.

I huff in annoyance. “Azriel, stop counting-”

“Four.” Az makes me take two steps back, advancing on me.

“Xaden will you please fucking-”

“Five.” His fingers wrap around my throat and push me back. Directly into Cassian. A second set of hands find their way onto my body. Cassian grips my hips, keeping me from falling. I am deathly still. I hardly breathe. I don’t dare make a noise. “You’d like it if Cassian joined, wouldn’t you?”

I don’t respond.

“She looks petrified,” Xaden points out very matter-of-factly.

“I like it when she’s scared, she obeys when she is. Isn’t that right pet?”

One word. One stupid nickname and I’m under his spell. Fuck, of course I want Cassian to join. I haven’t ever seen him without clothes, but he doesn’t leave much to the imagination. “I- I umm-”

“Just admit it and I’ll let you go,” Azriel demands, tightening his fingers for emphasis. It’s nowhere near a dangerous amount, but it makes my breath hitch.

“Yes yes,” I rush out, senses on fire.

“Yes what, pet? Come on, you know the rules. If you want Cass to join you have to tell him.”

Azriel releases me, and if it weren’t for Cassian holding me up, I would’ve keeled over. The combination of the restricted airflow and the density of the heat in the sauna was going to make a lethal combo.

And I craved it.

I quickly slipped under, fully ready to play with the three of them. I gently turn and look down at Cassian. His bronze skin is shining with sweat, hair still bound behind his head. I take a deep breath, swallowing. “Would you like to play with us, Cassian?”

His eyes dilate, tongue darting out of his mouth to wet his lips. “I thought you’d never ask, darling.”

Relief floods me and I smile. I am so thrilled he said yes. I look over at Az and Xaden, waiting for their command. I desperately need them to tell me what to do. This is already so overwhelming in the best way possible.

“Why don’t you be a good girl and welcome Cassian, okay?”

I don’t need to be told twice. Like he knows what I was thinking, his knees spread apart, inviting me in. I sink down to the floor and stare up at him through my wet lashes. “Messy or clean?”

A grin spreads across the Illyrians mouth. “Oh, she’s good. Messy, darling. I want to see you ruined.”

Cassian’s finger separated my lips and I sucked on his thumb. He pressed down on my tongue, and I swirled it around his digit. Meanwhile, his other hand fisted himself, and I couldn’t help but take a glance.

Cauldron boil me alive–

I delicately reach a hand out and replace mine with his. The warrior's head falls back and he shuts his eyes. My hand is so much smaller than… well, every part of him. I stroke up and down, gently thumbing the small slit at the tip. A few drops slide down onto my finger and I generously lick them off. He definitely tastes similar to Az, but nothing like Xaden.

The moment my tongue circles him, he cuts loose a moan deep from his chest.

“Fuck you’re so warm,” Cassian lifts his head, taking in the sight of me taking him in. I swallow around him, drawing more sounds out of him.

“I think what makes it so good is she loves doing it. Don’t you, Yn? You love being stuffed full,” Azriel comes up behind me, his presence stealing my breath away. Maybe it’s the added heat that makes my head dizzy. “That’s right, work him all the way down. Get him nice and deep.”

I push and push my head all the way down his cock, taking a moment to stay still, just emphasizing exactly what I can do. Cassian laughs at me, full on laughs. A mocking sort of sound that spreads goosebumps all across my skin. He bucks his hips, really testing how far he can push me.

“Oh, she’s good,” he grunts, head tipping back again. “Keep that perfect mouth moving, darling.”

My ears are ringing a little. Whether that be from the heat or the sheer overstimulation, it’s hard to tell, but I didn’t react right away. The next thing I knew, one of Azriel’s hands was fisting my hair, the other braced at the back of my head. I nearly choked when I was ripped away and then slammed down onto his cock a few times.

“You heard him, Yn. Take his cock like the good slut you are,” Azriel reprimanded. He continued to overpower me, making me work up and down on Cassian. I let my jaw go slack, along with my hands braced on Cassian’s thighs. I let out a content sigh as I was fucked on Cassian’s cock.

I rocked with Azriels movements. His grip singed my scalp and an ache formed in my jaw. It was familiar, ignorable, but present nonetheless. I was glad to have them doing all the work, it was far too hot in here to think clearly… even without the added exertion.

When Az decided I got the memo, he let go of my head and I continued the motions with steady practice. I closed my eyes, feeling every drop of sweat on my body. My thick, fleece lined leggings were beginning to soak through. Xaden’s calloused hands found their way to my waste and began to slide them off. With a pop, I pulled off of Cassian, giving my jaw a much needed break. Xaden peeled them from my legs, taking my underwear with them. But, before he let me sit back down, he laid down on his back, beckoning me to ease on top of him.

“Surely you’ll suffocate, it’s already unbearably hot in here,” I huff, catching my breath.

“Then I shall go doing what I love most,” the dragon rider replies. “Sit.”

I looked to Az, silently asking if this really was a smart decision. He just gave me a pointed nod with narrow eyes, a promise that if I didn’t listen he’d make working for my release miserable. So I obeyed without a second thought.

The moment his tongue curled into me, I sighed. Aimlessly, my hand worked tentatively up and down Cassian’s shaft, drawing a few sounds out of the General. “Let me fuck your throat, darling.”

There must’ve been a sparkle in my eye because I grinned, opening wide for him to do so. His length was thick. Almost too thick. And long. Fucks sake everything about him was big. I was up for the challenge. As it hit the back of my throat, I relaxed, letting his hands fall around my ears. It was gentle at first, his thrusts long and even. I moaned in tandem with the licks I was receiving from Xaden, my mind a melted, scrambled mess of ecstasy. With a particularly hard suck on my clit, I jerked the opposite way Cassian was going.

“Ah ah ah,” he chided, clicking his tongue. “You don’t get to run away from me. Take what you’ve been given. Be a good fucking girl, Yn.”

I glance up at him, throat too full to make any noise. A third set of hands�� Azriels, so experienced and commanding, settled on my breasts, plucking and pulling. I could feel everything and nothing at the same time. My entire body was numb with pleasure, numb with exploration of the three of them.

Azriel. Xaden. Cassian. All three of them, the most powerful warriors of their respective worlds, all focused on one thing. One goal.

Me.

Cassian picked up his pace, the thrusts less deep, but far more firm. It was clear he was chasing his high, thick veins beginning to bulge in his arms… up his chest… in the column of his throat.

“She does such a good job at taking it,” Cassian praises. “Doesn’t gag, doesn’t complain. Look at all those pretty tears. All for me, darling? Do I fuck you so good you need to cry? It’s okay, I’ll lick them clean. Then make them spill down your neck again when I get to fuck your pussy.”

My heart thrashed in my chest, thighs shaking with the force of Xaden’s tongue against my core. I writhed my hips, breathing harshly through my nose every other thrust because that’s all Cass would allow. At some point Azriel’s hands left the mix. I couldn’t see him anywhere, but his presence remained. Those shadows replacing his skilled fingers.

My body was wound tight. I was already anticipating a fun night with just Azriel and Xaden. But now? With Cassian? A new fire had been set ablaze inside me. And it needed– no, demanded, to be let out. I tried to warn Xaden, I tried to ask for permission, but I couldn’t with Cassian’s grip on my head. I fiercely moaned, hips shaking so badly that Xaden had to lock me in place.

“You can let go,” Azriel commanded from somewhere behind me. I silently thanked him.

Like a crack of lightning, my release barreled through me. I came so hard my vision whited out, a faint ringing bounding between my ears. Moans of pure pleasure spilled out of me and right onto Cassian. The extra vibrations must’ve done wonders from him because his grip faltered, as well as his pace. His head slumped forward and his eyes rolled shut.

“Fuuuuck, whatever you’re doing to her, Riorson, you better not fucking stop. Keep her moaning like that. Fuck I’m gonna cum so hard. Want it, pretty pet? Want my cum down your throat, filling your belly?”

He released my head, bidding me to give a verbal answer. After what Xaden just did to me, I’m not sure that’s physically possible. “P-Please, sir” I sigh out, my voice in an atrocious state already. “Wanna make you feel so so good.”

The use of ‘sir’ must’ve really done something to him. He sat up, a corrupt, unforgiving smile creeping onto his cruel lips. “Sir? That’s a dangerous game, my darling.”

“She doesn’t mind a little bit of danger, does she?” Azriel grips my hair again, pulling my head back so I have to look up at him. I nod carefully, the strain in my neck almost too much. “Yes she does. Now get to it, I'm getting impatient.”

Bad things happen when Azriel is left uncared for. And who was I to make him suffer?

I stuck out my tongue, a silent beg for Cassian to slip back in. He did without further coercion. The first time my nose brushed the soft hair on his pelvis, I could’ve sworn it was an accident. The second time, I realized it wasn’t. I couldn’t breathe, a small panic settling in every crevice of my body. I tried to keep calm, but between a relentless Xaden under me and a ruthless Cassian in front, it was near impossible.

“F-Fuck fuck fuck fuuuucccckkkk,” Cassian shouted, the muscles in his thighs and abdomen flexing. “Gonna take it all? It’s gonna be a lot, can you handle it, darling? Yeah I think you can. I’ll make you either way. Stay niiiiice and still for me- oh fuck-”

At the last second, he pulls me off about an inch and the humid, sweat filled scent of air floods into my nose. I drink his release down. It’s thick and warm, salty and abundant. I hum around him as I swallow and swallow and swallow. My eyes fill with tears yet again and they escape down my cheeks.

Cassian shudders. With gentle laps of my tongue, I clean him up. He watches me attentively. I can’t help the smile that forms on my lips when our eyes meet.

“You…” he breathes heavily, chest swelling and falling. “You are a little devil, aren’t you?”

The Illyrians hand wraps around my throat and he pulls me to my feet, and off of Xaden. The way our tongues met could’ve moved mountains. He was not shy in showing how much he wanted me. I melted into him, straddling his thigh and letting my arms drop to my sides.

Azriel played with my hair, hands caressing my ass. Together, they brought me down, content to let me relax for a few minutes.

“You did so well, pet,” Azriel cooed, dragging his tongue over the shell of my ear.

“So fucking good,” Cassian murmured against my lips. “Such a good little girl.”

I could hear Xaden climb to his feet, the sound of his hand stroking his cock loud in the otherwise quiet room. “I will never, ever, get tired of making her cum on my tongue.”

“Should I have a taste?” Cassian asked, placing small bites on my throat.

“I actually had something else in mind,” I sighed out, getting lost in all the hands and tongues. He gave me a curious look, but I just smirked, easing onto shaking legs and turning around so my ass was in Cassian’s lap. “I want to play a game.”

“A game?” There is an obvious hint of danger in Cassian’s voice? “What kind of game?”

“I want you and Xaden to fuck me, and I want Azriel to tell you when to move and when to stop.”

I haven’t yet brought it up to Azriel and Xaden, but I’ve always wanted to do this. A game of red light green light. To give full control and power to him, making us work for our pleasure. I look at Azriel, gauging his response, but he just grabs my chin, bringing our faces level.

“Yeah? You wanna play a game? Want to be treated like a literal pet? Taking commands and performing tricks?” His voice is thick with desire, so low only we could hear it.

My heart skips a beat. I hadn’t thought about it like that before. But the idea is… it’s-

“Look at her face, Cass,” Xaden tilts his head mockingly. “She wants it so bad, don’t you, pretty girl? Would you like a collar, that way if you get lost they know who you fucking belong to? Gods she’s so red. Don’t be embarrassed, pet. We know just how much you love being fucked full of cock and cum.”

“Sit on his dick, Yn,” Azriel orders. “Now.”

Silently, I hover over his lap, letting Cassian guide my hips. At the first press of his tip, I gasp. A new thrill thrummed through me.

Azriel comes and stands in front of me, cupping my cheeks. “I know he’s big, but you’re gonna take all of him. And you’re going to like it because you asked for it. So, here’s your first trick. Sit.”

The Shadowsinger pushes on my shoulders, leaving no option but to take Cassian all the way. All. The. Way. My breath is lodged in my chest with no room to escape. I can’t think. Can’t hear. Can’t see. Can’t even begin to process what is about to happen.

“Oh, good girl Yn,” Xaden praises, still stroking himself. “Look at how pretty she looks, Az.”

Cassian grunts behind me, hooking my legs over his knees so the others can see him buried inside me. I cry out at the shift, feeling him go deeper and deeper. Gods, he feels like he’s everywhere.

“Cassian, why don’t you play with her nipples,” Azriel instructs, walking back and forth in front of us. “Xaden, give her something to suck on.”

“With pleasure,” Xaden grins, those onyx eyes narrowing on my mouth. I go to protests, but then I realize just how hard he is. How flushed his skin is. And I need to taste it, to relieve him of his torture.

He traces my lips with the tip, coating them in his slick. With a heady pant, I stick out my tongue to invite him in.

A hand cracks down on my thigh. I scream out, more in shock than in actual pain. Azriel’s hand was the culprit.

“Did I say you were allowed to taste it yet?” His eyes are swirling with lethality. I bite my tongue to keep myself from saying something stupid. “Well?”

“N-No,” I say meekly. “I’m sorry. May I taste it, Az? Can I please taste Xaden?”

After a minute of letting the question hang in the air, building suspense, he nods. Greedily, I take Xadens hips and bring his cock towards my mouth.

It’s such a glorious sound to hear when Xaden curses low. A deep rumble in his chest letting me know this is exactly what he needed. Without moving– fearful I’ll get another smack– I look at Az, awaiting my next instruction.

“Fuck her throat, Xaden,” Az says, eyes scanning out bodies. “Start fucking her nice and slow Cassian. Really savor her, make her moan just like Xaden did for you.”

At the same time, both of their bodies start sliding in and out of me. They find a rhythm instantly: Cassian fucks me forward onto Xaden, and Xaden fucks me back onto Cassian. It’s easy enough to let them do all the work, my bones and liquid at this point anyway. All I know is pain, pleasure, and unfiltered need for these males.

I moan deeply as Cassian hits that spot inside me. Xadens hip stutter, his head tipping back as Cassian hits it over and over again.

“Does that feel good, Xaden?” Azriel asks, gripping his hair at the root, whispering right in his ear. “To have our girls' mouths all around you?”

The dragon rider nods as best he can with Azriel’s grip. “Fuck yes.”

“Make her stop.”

“W-Why?”

“Because I told you to. Yn, stop,” Azriel demands. I instantly pull my mouth away from Xaden, even if it makes me want to scream and thrash and beg for it back. I need it, need to taste it, need to feel him cum down my throat. “See, she listens to me. Do I need to punish you too?”

“No,” Xaden shakes his head. “I’ll listen.”

“Yes you will.” Azriel gives a fake smile. “On your knees.”

Xaden sinks to his knees.

“Suck on Yn’s clit. Make her cum on Cassian’s cock.”

The sight of Xaden, on his knees, cock leaking continuously, does something to me. It gives me ideas for later. He helps push open my legs, even when the first brush of his tongue makes me see stars. Cassian has to wind his arms around mine to keep me from sliding off. I know he’s strong, but to be able to hold me still and keep fucking me is…

“Good boy, Xaden,” Azriel praises, brushing his hair away from his face. “Just like that, make our pretty girl cum.”

It’s not going to take long. His laps are so soft, so gentle, and it works far faster than I’d like to admit.

“Az- Az can I cum?” I ask, just to be cautious. I do not want to have this taken away from me. I can’t have it taken away from me.

“Yes, pet. Cum as much as you want.”

It’s like music to my ears. It’s building and building. In my core, at the base of my spine. Behind my eyelids. It’s fucking everywhere. My vision goes white and an embarrassing noise tears from my soul. I writhe on Cassian, driving him further and further inside me. Sweat is dripping off me in buckets. Fuck it is so fucking hot in here.

“Very good Xaden,” Azriel says. “What a good boy, making our pet cum so well. You can stuff your cock back down her throat. She looked so sad to see it go. Go ahead and cum, fill her up nice and full. Cassian, get up.”

Suddenly I’m on my feet being steadied by several pairs of hands. The way Cassian is looking at me, the way he’s breathing, tells me I’m in trouble. The glances passed between Az and Cass worry me. The next thing I know I’m on my knees and elbows, ass up in the air.

“Sit on the floor, Xaden,” Azriel commands. “Right in front of Yn. Yup, there you go, now just let Cassian fuck her onto you.”

A shudder runs through my entire body when Cassian slips back in. I swiftly take Xaden down, mainly because if I don’t I’m going to go crazy. The delicious, sweet taste of him fills me once again and I hum in content.

“Don’t hold back Cassian, chase exactly what you want. Fill up her pussy as much as you want, she can take it.”

“Fucking hell, Az. Are you trying to kill me?” Cassian chuckles, letting his motions pick up pace. Every snap of his body into mine sends waves of pleasure down my spine. It rolls through me and allows me to take even more of Xaden in my mouth. “I’ll never get over just how fucking tight she is.”

“Malek spare me…” Xaden curses. I get to watch Xaden fall apart and a new thrill fuels my motions. I lose all concept of time, I have no idea what is going on. All I know is Cass is fucking me like his life depends on it, and that Xaden is holding on for dear life.

I suck as hard as I can, pressing my tongue into the bottom side of his cock. I can’t pay attention to the most sensitive areas of him, mainly because Cassian if fucking me too hard to let me. Hopefully I can make him see stars anyway.

“F-Fuck Yn, I’m gonna cum,” he warns, knees falling open. “Oh fuck I’m gonna cum.”

“Give it to her, Xaden,” Azriel kneels beside Xaden, hand trailing over the muscles in his chest.

I watch the muscles in his abdomen clench with every breath. He scrunches his eyes closed and I brace for him, letting his hips rut as fast as he wants. With a long, drawn out growl, Xaden releases down my throat. I do my best to swallow it all, but between the angle and Cassian's relentless thrusts, I let a few drops spill out.

Xaden is throbbing on my tongue, his sounds of pure pleasure fill my ears, filling me with deep satisfaction.

“Can’t fucking take it anymore,” Azriel rips me off of Xaden and takes his place. I’m hauled up onto my palms, Azriel’s cock bobbing in front of me. Before I can take it between my lips, Azriel bends down to my level, licking the droplets of Xadens cum off my lips.

I went as still as a statue. Tingles spread from the tips of my fingers to my toes. I watched him swallow, his Adam's-apple bobbing. I was at a loss for words. If he wanted me to speak, it’d be impossible.

Thankfully I didn’t have to. He filled my mouth, not wasting a second.

“Xaden, will you go grab those towels?” Azriel asked, hands trailing over my shoulders.

“When I can move,” he responded, making the Shadowsinger and the General laugh. I swore I could feel the rumble of his laughter through his cock.

“Not gonna last much longer,” Cassian warns, adjusting his grip on my hips.

“Wait.” Azriel urges, “Give me one minute.”

Cassian stills, and I whine in discontent. A second later, his hand smacks my ass, undoubtedly leaving an imprint of his hand. “Don’t complain, pet. Or you won’t get anything at all. You should be grateful to be stuffed full of our cocks. That’s no way to disrespect a guest.”

Azriel is unforgiving as he fucks my throat, his pace fast and hard. To be fair, he has been waiting a long while for his turn. It doesn’t take long for him to start showing signs of nearing his high. He grabs both sides of my sweat-soaked head, and I feel drops from his own body–and Cassians–land on me.

“Want my cum?” Azriel asks, pulling me off. “Want me to cum down your little throat, pet?”

“Yes yes yes,” I slur my words together. “Please gimme all of it, need all your cum. Wanna taste you so bad.”

“Yeah you fucking do,” Azriel’s grin is sinister. He knows exactly what to say to make me squirm. “Drink it all up, slut.”

When he finally gives me what I want, I don’t dare waste a drop. I leave no mess to clean up as he cums all the way down. There’s nothing I can do but swallow, swallow, swallow.

I begin to lose some consciousness, the heat and over exertion finally catching up to me. I feel Azriel slip out, praising me and telling me how good I did. I think I nod, but Cassian resumes his motion and I forget about everything. I can only focus on him pounding into my pussy, getting so deep I have to let out little noises every time he does.

“She’s so fucked out,” Xaden says from… somewhere.

“Yeah she is, she looks so good. Limp and used. So fucking hot, Yn,” Azriel agrees.

I moan in response. It’s about all I’m capable of at this point. And it feels so good. Everything they did to me, every thrust from Cassian feels like I’m floating. I close my eyes and let him finish me.

As Cassian lets go, I feel him pin my shoulders to the ground, ramming his hips as hard as he can into me, filling me up nice and tight full of his cum. There's a big stretch, and then an almost immediate release. His warm slick flows out from around him and down the inside of my thigh. Tears or exhaustion and pleasure streak down my cheeks and fall onto the wood floor of the sauna.

Eventually, I’m laid on my back. I can barely open my eyes, but I feel a tongue lapping between my legs. I try to inch away, but firm hands keep me from closing my legs. I whine.

“Ah ah,” I hear Cassian chide. “He’s just trying to clean you up. Be still. Here, drink this.”

A cup is pressed to my lips and I hungrily drink down. The salty, briny taste is washed from my tongue and my blurry vision begins to steady. I look down, seeing Xaden between my legs, his curly head soaked with sweat.

Cassian’s thumb brushes my cheek, collecting a small tear. “Aww, poor baby.” I watch as he licks it from his digit. It… gets me going faster than I’d like to admit. Then his tongue trails the length of my cheek. I shudder, letting out a tiny squeak. “Told you I’d lick them clean.”

“Alright that's enough, Xaden,” Azriel says from up above. “Let’s get her inside and cool off.”

“I just couldn’t help it, her pussy looked so good full of cum,” Xaden winks at me, and I can feel a flush of my cheeks and neck. “Even after all we’ve done together, I still make you blush.”

“Zip it,” I glared at him, failing to keep my smile at bay.

Cassian lifts me up, hugging me close to his chest. We’re all covered in sweat, but I don’t give a fuck. I just want to take a nice bath, curl up with my boys, and sleep into next week. A cold burst of air greets me as we step outside the sauna.

“Is she doing okay?” Azriel asks. I think it’s him that brushes hair away from my face.

“Mhm,” Cassian responds, giving my body a squeeze. “She's gonna be alright?”

“Yeah,” Xaden added. “She always recovers really well. She’s not afraid to tell us what she needs. But by this point we know what she needs.”

“My only request is a bath.”

“See?” Xaden chuckles, then plants a kiss on my head. “Feeling okay? Not too lightheaded?”

I make a noise that sorta sounds like an ‘mhm’, but it kinda comes out as a garbled mess. All three of them give a laugh.

“That was… more fun than I thought it was going to me,” Cassian sighed contently, padding down the hallway to one of the bedrooms. I'm set gently on the bed, propped up against Cassian. I am way too tired to open my eyes, but my ears track them all around the room. I can smell the soft lavender wafting from the bathroom. Hallelujah.

“Yeah, I’m glad you joined,” Xaden agreed, his fingers beginning to braid sections of my hair. “We’re just waiting on the tub to fill up, pretty girl. Then we’ll get cleaned up and go to bed. You did such an amazing job, taking us all like that. And the game? We’re going to have some more fun with that, aren’t we?”

“Yes we are,” I nodded, peeking open my eyes to find them all huddled around me. Azriel smiles sweetly, cupping my face, stroking his thumb back and forth across my cheek. “Hi.”

“Hey,” he whispers. “Feeling better?”

“Yeah,” I nod, clenching my hands to get some of the tingling to go away. “It was so hot in there.”

“We even turned down the heat before you got in there,” Xaden explained, tucking some hair behind my ear. “Did you have fun?”

“I always do, did you?” I asked, looking up at Cassian.

“In the beginning I was a little unsure but… now I’m hoping you’ll send word any time you wanna play again,” He grins, pressing a kiss to the top of my head. “You were unbelievable.”

“Isn’t she something else?” Azriel looks at me fondly. “Baths ready, want to be by yourself or do you want one of us in there with you? Or… well, I guess we all can fit if that's what you want.”

“Well I’m certainly not going to wash my own hair,” I grin.

They all share a look, smiles creeping onto their mouths.

“I’ll get the shampoo,” Azriel winks.

“I call the conditioner,” Xaden stands, following Azriel into the bathroom.

I can’t help but laugh.

“Are they always like this?” Cassian watches as they root around in a cabinet, smelling the different bottles.

“Yes, they’re too kind to me.”

“I think it’s well earned,” he smiles, helping me stand. “Come on, let's go.”

I let him lead me in, making sure I get a good look at his ass. Damn. just… damn.

“I could ask Feyre to commission a painting, it’ll last longer,” he says cockily.

I give it a smack. With a helping hand from Azriel, I sink into the tub, and let the water cool off my skin. I lean back, wondering how I got so damn lucky.

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hypnagogics · 7 months ago

Text

how soon is now? | part two

READ THIS FIRST ��🇸

previous chapter. series masterlist.

♡: hallway crush!ellie x uni student!reader

☆: the long-awaited second part of this godforsaken fic (lawd she’s given me trouble). appreciate y'all's patience as always, i'm a chronic procrastinator and perfectionist but what can i do. after this, i'm gonna take a break from this series. not saying i'll never write more, but wanna work on some other stuff for a while. thank you for reading! pretty please don’t hate me or show up at my house waving torches and pitchforks for this ending ok luv u gays in my phone. + a big thank you to @total-dxmure for helping me w/ some ideas for the last little bit!

♧:5.7k word count (lawd)

◇: sfw! miscommunication (sawry). fluffy moments, angst lowkey…both of yall cry at one point or another, reader has anxiety in the last chunk. modern au but joel isn’t alive in this, and they discuss it. maybe some rushed points here and there, i’m not really the proudest of this but needed to finish it anyway. potentially horrendous pacing but ok i think that’s all? idfk i may give y’all a little epilogue eventually, but don't dwell on it for the time being!

4 months later

Your friendship with Ellie was evolving wonderfully. You two were studying together frequently, and both your grades in the ghastly astrophysics class increased exponentially. Although that wasn't the only thing that was increasing at a rate too fast to fathom. Your crush on her. It was ripping you apart like wildfire, Ellie was proving herself to be such a wonderful person inside and out, and you were slowly but surely nearing your limit of how much it could build before you burst. A movie spin off of the Savage Starlight series had come to streaming, and Ellie had invited you to her place for a movie night so you two could watch it and discuss if it was a faithful entry in your beloved series or not.

Dressed in some comfortable pjs and armed with snacks of all kinds, your favorites as well as hers, the time had come and you were at her door. You straighten your posture and put your hair back in place, must look presentable, then knock, knock, knock.

You could hear some faint shuffling behind the door, then a few thudding steps until she opened it for you. She was dressed in an old, worn Nirvana tee, and red checkered pajama pants, damn she looked good, even when she was dressed with less effort than usual.

Ellie looked so pleased to see you, leaning on the doorframe. Why did she have to look so good all the time? “Hi! I’m so glad you came, ooh this is gonna be so fun.” She invited you in and took the snacks from your arms and placed them inside her room. “Oh yeah, I also put up some decor too so we can get into the Savage Starlight spirit.” Her eyes were wide and twinkling and when she stepped aside to let you see, she really had made her room so welcoming and comfortable.

The lights were all off save for LEDs around the room’s perimeter set to a dreamy violet hue, sparkly fairy lights draped around the frame of her bed which was set up so cozily. Her laptop propped up on a pillow, the sheets arranged in a nest-like formation with two spaces for each of you. She even had a few dinosaur stuffed animals placed in a row so they could watch too.

You were so flattered she'd do that and make the atmosphere so nice for the two of you, you could just tackle her in a hug and never let go.

The thing is you were scared she'd perceive that as weird and you didn't feel like dying of embarrassment, not today at the very least. Save that for another day, maybe. Oh, how you wanted to squeeze her so bad. Your imagination had to do for now.

She was standing there so proud of how she arranged her room into a mini theater, and you beamed at her, silently thanking her for making it so dim so she couldn't see your flustered expression in full.

“Ellie this is amazing!!” “You like it?!? These stupid lights kept on falling off but since this is an important occasion for us both I didn't give up. All for our love, Daniela.” She manipulated her voice and waved in the air with two fists, closed her eyes and put her hand over her heart, just being as dorky as ever.

Oh gosh, hopefully it wasn't going to be awkward. Sure, the two of you had grown to be great friends, but were you that close to be just, relaxing in her bed together? As long as your imagination didn't run too wild and you didn't overthink anything, it was going to be a fun time. Just two pals watching their favorite series, nothing more, nothing less.

She threw herself in the mess of comforters with a grunt, and saw you were hesitating. She patted the empty space next to her so you'd join her and the movie night could begin. “C’mere, don't be shy.” Well, no shit you were going to be shy. Suck it up.

You crawled in next to her, unable to look her in the eyes, while she got everything ready and rubbed her hands together excitedly. “Man, if they do our girl dirty, we’re gonna have to give someone a knuckle sandwich, you with me?” Her jokes and easy going vibes always made her so fun to be around, but unfortunately for you, you fell harder for her every time. “Yeah, Ellie. A knuckle sandwich for all of them.” You retorted with a chuckle. Once both of you were settled, she pressed play and so it began.

As the movie played, the two of you laughed and debated every plot twist, cursing the directors for not portraying your queen Daniela how she deserves, and snacked on candy until your stomachs hurt. It was going so well, the friendly hang out both of you needed after so many responsibilities in life. An escape. Occasionally sneaking peeks Ellie’s way, she was just so marvelously pretty. The shadows dancing on her features, illuminating her side profile perfectly, her long eyelashes and button nose, who wouldn't get lost in admiring her?

Of course you could never fully relax around her, or forget the crush no matter how hard you tried to push it down and just be friends. Every time she shifted next to you in the bed you felt your heart seize and the butterflies in your stomach turn into hornets. At this rate, they were going to turn into whole birds for fuck’s sake.

Nearing the end of the movie, the two of you were so invested, so captivated in the events, totally spellbound.

But then the film took a more emotional turn that wasn't in the comics. Daniela and her father had an absolutely vicious argument which left the two of you speechless watching it, which luckily got quickly resolved right after the two characters had a near-death experience together.

You weren't one to get emotional over silly, trivial things like fiction, but the way they showed this entire sequence was nothing short of heart-wrenching. You snatched up one of Ellie's patterned pillows and hugged it tightly to your chest, because cuddling her would have been much too bold for the likes of you. But what you’d give to do that instead.

Seems you were not the only one touched by the scene, as you began to hear some light sniffling from next to you. Looking over at Ellie made your heart break further into a million pieces. She looked lost in thought with thin lines of tears streaming down her plump, freckled cheeks.

You froze for a moment, not knowing the limits of your relationship with her and how you could comfort her best. So you cleared your throat and mumbled, “That was so sad…” You watched as she avoided your gaze and wiped at her face with the collar of her t-shirt, “Yeah, this kind of stuff hits me, feels a little personal y’know.” She has never opened up to you about her struggles before, in the short time you’ve known and gotten close with Ellie, it always seemed like she was there to help you out, not the other way around. This could be your chance to show her that you are there for her as well, and that she can always count on you.

Being curious but at the same time not wishing to pry too much into her private affairs, you quietly asked with the most gentle tone of voice you could muster,” You don’t have to, but I’m here if you ever wanna talk about it, Ellie.” You watched her out of the corner of your eye, anticipating however she reacts.

She stayed quiet for a beat before sighing deeply, and whispered, “We were having a fun time, I really don't wanna be a burden.” Her voice quivered, heavy with emotion, what could possibly be troubling her this much? You wanted to take all her pain and bear it yourself, she didn't deserve any sort of misfortune ever.

“You can tell me, don’t worry about anything, okay? I just want you to be all good.” You were comforting her so smoothly, putting her needs and well-being first as if it was always second nature, as if you two have known each other many lifetimes over, two souls meant to float together through the journey of life. Well okay, that was probably a bit much.

There were a few more seconds of silence as you let the question ring in the air, not wanting to press and jeopardize your cherished friendship with her.

You continue observing her, almost seeing the gears turning in her mind, the scales of reason tipping to one side then another, as she contemplates whether it’s worth spilling. Eventually, she does.

She roughly rubs her face then pauses the film playing on her laptop, sighs and huffs, before beginning to speak her story, all while looking away from you.

“Okay I don’t like to talk about this kind of stuff, but I trust you. A whole lot.” Your heart fluttered and face heated up at her comment, but you ignored it because there was something much more important on the table now. She continues, speaking quietly but quickly to get it over with.

“So, when I was a kid, I was an orphan and to be honest I don’t really remember my early childhood much at all, but when I was 14 my adoptive dad, Joel, took me in. And it’s been just us since then.” She stops to take a breath, then resumes reluctantly. “And well, we’ve had a pretty rocky relationship for a good chunk of these years, I never knew how to express my gratitude to him, y’know, for basically saving my life, numerous times at that. He was always my rock, and I appreciate him every day. He taught me so many things, and I don’t know what I would’ve done if he hadn’t come around. I was pretty hard to deal with back then.” She reminisces with an exhale of air, and you see her eyes refill with tears. “But I’m really bad at expressing that, and will kinda, lash out I guess when I’m met with kindness or tricky situations.”

You nod, listening patiently, and place your hand on her shoulder ever so gently, as a result making her raise her head to give you a small smile.

Ellie chuckled deeply, it almost sounded forced, then started to slowly wrap up her story. “And it seems that scene kinda hit me, because the wounds are still raw, or whatever.”

She sniffles again but doesn't respond, so you delicately inquire, “What do you mean?”

“He died last year.” Oof.

“Oh my, Ellie, I’m so sorry, are you-” She interrupts your condolences. “No need for that, I’m fine. Well, taking it day by day y’know. In the beginning it was really tough, I was angry at everything but most at myself for being such a jerk, and now I can't turn back time and tell him all I wanted to.” While you take a moment to think about what to say, she hums to herself and remarks, “That actually felt good to get off my chest, I haven't told anyone about it.” She lowers her voice so it’s barely a whisper. “Didn't have who to tell.”

“Sure you're okay? I'm always here for you.” You find your voice back to soothe her some more, to which she smiles at you again, only this time it actually seems genuine. There's definitely a lot of pain behind it, but the relief that she doesn't have to deal with the burden alone was evident on her face.

“Yeah, thanks. I guess I hadn’t processed anything, and that part of the movie made it all come out, damn I hate emotions sometimes. But I appreciate you being here for me. You're really easy to talk to, and I feel better now.”

And you would've never in a trillion years anticipated what her next move was going to be, you were so caught off guard, the realization lagged and it didn't immediately register.

She moved to sit on her knees in front of you, then threw her arms around your torso in a tight embrace. She hugged you. Clutched you so firmly against her own body, her strong hands landing in the middle of your back, where she rubbed in a circle. She smelled so nice, and was as warm as one of her heated stuffed animals.

Due to the surprising nature of the motion you let out a dumbfounded gasp, then returned the hug allowing yourself to rest your head on her shoulder. You wanted to stay like this forever, until the end of time, it felt nicer than you could've ever imagined.

The thought crossed your mind that she could feel the buzz pulsating through your body, you swore your heart was slamming against your ribcage so hard it was going to grow wings and simply fly right out of your chest, and join hands with hers.

While you were occupied with the way she felt against you, so close like this, chest against chest, and how your cheeks blazed with an inferno hotter than a thousand suns, you heard her grumble against your ear. “Not gonna make that same mistake again, and from now on, I'm gonna tell the people I appreciate just how much they matter to me.”

You were much too stunned to speak, but she wasn't. “So thank you again.” She finishes her little speech and pulls away first, but not before giving you one last big squeeze and letting out a noise of contentment as she does so, then shuffles over to her previous spot in the bed.

Not taking notice of the way you were at a loss for words, or about to set the room on fire with how flustered her actions made you. Her obliviousness was a common theme, it seemed. She clears her throat and claps, grabbing some more candy for herself, then says happily, “We still got the rest of the movie left, then we can do whatever after. I really wanna know how this ends.”

Naturally, your head is spinning, but you were too caught up in your thoughts to continue paying attention to the movie as much as you were before.

You felt awful for her, yet somehow, felt as if your crush on her had quadrupled in size yet again. You saw through the guard she put up, she broke down those walls and opened up to you. You were honored she trusted you so much, and only hoped that would never change. That, coupled with how remarkably good hugs she gave, has led you to the realization that you were properly in love now, things had gotten real. This was trouble. You vowed to always be there for her for whatever she could ever need, you'd drop everything to teleport by her side if you could.

Goodness, what were you possibly going to do now, instead of giving you the ick, or helping you with the task of getting rid of that stupid infatuation you were so plagued by, every experience felt like a deliberate ploy to just make you fall even further for her. You couldn't help but wonder just how much love a person can feel for someone, because it only continued to grow.

A couple days later.

Sitting in the cozy campus cafe, you were revising all your coursework. It was giving you a massive headache, but the warm and hazy lighting aided it a touch. The walls had cute plastic vines crawling up and down, and even though there was chatter all around you from the other patrons, it wasn't a distraction and in fact acted as some sort of white noise, everyone was talking in a nicely muted tone, it all blended to create the perfect ambience.

You waved down the waitress to get yet another cup of coffee, your third one of the night, that’s healthy, before trying to resume with your aggravating studies.

To your dismay, you've used up all your brain power for the evening, and could not force yourself to continue no matter how hard you tried. Maybe a few moments of peaceful people-watching would get you back on track?

You sip on the hot drink, then lean back against the comfortable booth seat to begin scanning around.

In one corner directly on the opposite side of where you were sitting, there was an elderly couple. They looked so in love, dressed in matching outfits, feeding each other as they shared a dessert, holding hands and conversing with a hushed tone, nodding and looking into each other's twinkling eyes. So cute, you hoped that was going to be you in the future.

Moving your line of sight to watch beside the couple, there was another student, their books and computer were scattered across the wooden table, piles of pens and pencil cases near falling over. They seemed to have fallen asleep, unmoving with their head laid tiredly across their crossed arms. The sight made you chuckle out of familiarity, you really felt for them, studies were hard.

But then a sound caught your attention. A bright, husky giggle fought its way over the ambience, reminiscent of a certain someone.

Your heart jumped, your ears perked up and you immediately became insistent on scouting her out among the patrons, this was a necessary mission.

Feeling highly nervous and antsy, you try to drown out the noise and focus on where she could be, and quickly enough, you find her.

Ellie in her natural habitat, she was so mesmerizing. Sitting far away from you where you could get a good view and hear snippets of conversation if you focused hard enough, but not close enough where she would notice your shameless gawking. She was sitting with a group of a handful of her friends, who all appeared to be gossiping and laughing with each other, you couldn't tear your eyes away.

Her smile was gorgeous, and you knew that, but there was something about just being a spectator which fascinated you, you could stare at her all day. Her energy lit up the entire room, and made your heart race.

Snapping out of your trance and trying to not be so obvious with your staring, you tried to look occupied, tried reorganizing your notes while still keeping an ear out to listen. Occasionally glancing over as well. Yes, it's true that eavesdropping is wrong, but you couldn't help yourself. Anyone would do the same, right?

The group's passionate discussion was making you extremely curious however, and you strained to hear what they were talking about. Among the muffled chatter, you heard a woman’s voice say the word crush, then an outburst of laughter, the loudest guffaw from Ellie herself.

You felt the budding panic start to form in your chest momentarily, but swallowed the lump forming in your throat and took a sharp intake of breath to calm yourself at once. They could be talking about anything, there's no need to jump to conclusions just yet. Fumbling around your bag for your headphones to listen to some of the song recommendations Ellie had given you, you’re led to discover that they are, in fact, dead. Of course.

Despite any and all wishes to stop eavesdropping on them and mind your own business and abide by what they say, ignorance is bliss, you simply couldn't. She was too damn captivating. Like a painting in a museum, like a statue at a town’s center, one that people stopped in their tracks to admire.

The way her eyes sparkled and gleamed under the warm lighting, her cheeks tinted a faint rosy hue from the exertion of laughing so hard, her sweet smile. She was too perfect. God, you hated crushes, being infatuated with someone to this degree couldn't be healthy. But what could you do? Just look at this angel.

Fidgeting nervously while still being entranced by the group of friends, you heard a man’s voice say the words “there’s no way”, followed by Ellie howling even harder than she had the whole time you've been watching them, and punch him forcefully on the shoulder.

The curiosity was going to swallow you whole, it was like a car crash you couldn't look away from. You felt your palms begin to tremble and sweat with worry, and anxious assumptions of all kinds running through your mind, were they talking about you? No, they couldn't be, you're just overthinking it. Relax, relax, relax.

You tried your hardest to control your breathing and soothe your spinning mind so you wouldn't spiral, until you heard something that absolutely shook you to your core.

The same woman from before, not Ellie, in a highly teasing tone of voice said your name.

You felt frozen, this couldn't be happening. All your worst fears were coming true at this very moment. You had to get out of there right away, this was too much to bear. Curiosity really did kill the cat didn't it, you wished you didn't comply with the morbid desire to know everything.

Panic-stricken like a deer in headlights, near hyperventilating at this point, the final straw was all three of them erupting into laughter simultaneously, with Ellie through gasps, going "oh come onnnn”.

Yeah that was it. Hot tears started pricking your eyes and you vigorously blinked them away before they started streaming down your face, as if you needed to be humiliated even more. You felt sadded, torn apart, betrayed. Sick to your stomach too. This time, for once, you really thought you had something going for you. From your perspective, albeit through rose-colored glasses, you were convinced she was being genuine with you all this time. How could you not be?

The late night study sessions, the air thick with tension, the conversations draped in a sleep-deprived haze, the walks to class together, the first fated interaction, the looks you two shared from across the huge lecture hall; the looks where you two just knew when to share a glance, was all of that fake? Was she leading you on purposefully because her friends thought it was funny, that you were a joke?

The tears threatened to spill and your stomach twisted painfully with the world-shattering realizations you were just served with, and you angrily shoved your belongings in your bag.

You were too caught up in your panicked frenzy to notice how disruptive you were actually being, your textbooks thumping and keychains jingling, but frankly didn't care enough to meet the numerous pairs of eyes observing your misfortune. Who could blame you, your whole world and everything you've known just crumbled before you.

You slung your bag over your shoulder noisily as a choked sob made its way up your throat, then speed-walked out of that cafe. You were never going to be able to go in there again unfortunately, shame, their pastries were so good.

Right as you tried to step through the door it got stuck, because the universe was being really nice to you today, and as you tugged on it to get it to open, you heard the friends lower their voices, but you could still make out a jumble of hushed words sounding something like, “oh no, is that…” Great, great, fucking great. The only solution to this was to change your name and ride up to Seattle for goodness’ sake, maybe throw yourself into a volcano as well just because.

Finally the door swung open after what felt like eons, and you stumbled outside into the chilly autumn air, feeling goosebumps spring up all over. Where you were going, you didn't really know. This cafe was new, so it would take some time to figure out navigation so you stood dumbly in the middle of the front lawn as you tried to orient yourself.

Once you think you've got it, you start your agonizing trek back to your little room, screaming inside of your head, until you're harshly yanked back mid-footstep by a vice grip on your arm. What the fuck was it now.

Ellie. The sight of her only made your tears increase in quantity and the emotion in your chest tighten. She looked a little disheveled, her eyes round like saucers, and she was gripping onto your arm so hard as if you were going to run away. You wanted to, but she still had a magnetic hold on you, even after all that turmoil.

Talking was painful with how much you were trying to keep a hold of yourself, but you managed out a choked, “Ellie, what?”

She looked befuddled, shaking her head ever so slightly and scrunching up her eyebrows, her gaze boring right into yours and following whenever you tried to break it and look elsewhere. Her hold on your arm softens, and moves to rest on your shoulder. “What do you mean what? You ran outta there like you were chased by a lunatic or something, what the fuck happened?”

Her tone startled you a little, why did she care so much? Noticing you jolt, she sighs and mellows her speech. “Sorry, what I mean to say is, I'm worried. Are you okay?”

You worried her? Heat rushed to your cheeks as you fought to break the increasingly uncomfortable eye contact, and all you could do was shrug. Your lip started quivering and you were losing the fight of keeping your composure, how wonderful. Despite everything she was being so sweet, way too sweet. You felt helpless at this point.

The words started pouring out of your mouth like a waterfall, you were properly sobbing now, falling apart and hiccuping as months and months of emotion spilled over.

You were blabbering about how you loved the friendship you formed with her, but how hurt you felt that she’d laugh about you, every possible insecurity just tumbled out of your lips, as you wiped at your teary face and runny nose and glanced at Ellie ever so often.

She let you talk for a bit until she saw you get even more upset, that's when she got a step closer to you, squeezed both your shoulders gently and kept a stern tone of voice to get your attention.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay, slow down, I don't know what you're saying.” But you couldn't stop crying. Bottling up emotions was definitely a bad idea, because they were bound to burst sooner or later and unfortunately, you reached the breaking point. Sucking in some unsteady breaths as an attempt to regulate yourself, she was watching you patiently yet still cautiously.

Your voice was weak and shaky, but you were slowly feeling a little better. For the first time during this interaction, you meet her eyes. Why was she always so pretty? She was sculpted just to spite you, you were convinced. Tears welled up in your eyes once more, but you blinked them away. “Um…Ellie…” She nodded expectantly, wanting to know what was wrong. But you could not complete your sentence as yet another bout of ache washed over you.

To snap you out of it once and for all, Ellie grabbed your face. The sheer disbelief of her action was enough to stop your tears luckily, and she held your gaze while she used her thumb to swipe at the stray teardrops adorning your cheekbones. You wanted to die, what was going on?

Once your panic was replaced with fluster and stupefaction, she let you go, but was still standing really close to you. You felt jittery from it all, nervous, embarrassed and in love and everything under the sun all at the same time. You stared at her, then looked away, then looked at her plump pink lips which were set in a questioning pout, then back up to her sympathetic greener-than-grass eyes, fuck, fuck, fuck. The intensity of the situation had caused any sense of judgment or critical thinking to long, long gone, and so your body moved on its own and before you had a chance to form a solid thought or process what you were doing.

Smooch.

You kissed her.

Mouths colliding like magnets as you held onto the sides of her face, fireworks igniting in every single part of your body. Cradling her jaw as you closed the space between you two, the hurricane of emotion coursing through your veins as your lips caressed hers, and time felt like it had stopped. The months and months of excruciating pining had all led up to this very moment.

She instinctively kissed you back, you felt her breaths fanning your face. You were about to ascend to another dimension. Lingering against her for a little longer, you forced yourself to regretfully pull away, and laughed loudly at her state now.

Her lips were parted and she was gawking at you, you had broken her completely. Your own heart was working overtime, you were panting from the adrenaline of the situation, and could only hear the blood rushing in your ears.

She seemed to be in a coma, doing nothing but staring and breathing. You punched her arm playfully, your voice breaking.

“I’M IN LOVE WITH YOU, YOU FUCKING IDIOT.”

An frustrated confession tore itself from your throat, even the world's strongest iron bars couldn't contain it. You wiped at your face with your sleeves, a sad attempt to clear it of the residual salty tears that never once stopped their journey out of your eyes.

The sadness had left you, and you felt lighter now, truthfully. Had no idea how you would ever face her again after all this, but at least the cat was out of the bag and you had gotten that off of your chest. You both stood there in silence, now what was wrong with her? What a dork. Sucking on your teeth and kicking a pebble on the ground you admitted finally, “So, yeah. That's what's been troubling me, I guess.”

Her pupils were dilated and huge, as she scanned all over your features, her mouth opening and closing as if she was having an internal battle of what to say. She stood there almost appearing miles more shocked than you somehow, she looked as if she was going to have a heart attack and die on you, you found it funny, but concerning at the same time.

You watched her for a moment more, before accepting your disappointing fate and bidding her a goodbye. You cleared your throat. “Okay then. Cya in class. Bye.” You turned on your heel and began the walk back to your room, but this time for real, and didn't look back at her. Even if you wanted to, you couldn't, you wanted to leave this whole fiasco in the past. That chapter was closed, it seemed.

The only thing left to do now was call your bestie, Abby. She has been your cheerleader through this whole thing, through all this time, gave you advice and brought you back to Earth, and you needed her support now more than ever.

Right after you reached your dorm she was there in no time at all, after receiving your distress call she scrambled into action, with chocolates and boxed wine in hand. Maybe you should just date her instead at this point. Who else was left for you?

You talked and talked and talked to her about everything for so long, talking the night away just like old times, and she sat and listened to your every word, patted your back reassuringly as you weeped into her shoulder, then tucked you into bed at the end of it all. She left only when she was sure you'd relaxed fully.

You didn't fall asleep quite yet, and stayed awake thinking, pondering life and staring up at your ceiling. It turns out angrily confessing to the girl you've been infatuated with forever by impulsively kissing her and letting the whole campus know it was a tiring thing after all. You really did cause a bit of a scene, when you thought about it in hindsight.

But what was this all like from Ellie's perspective? You wished you could know what she thought, or at least gotten some sort of formal response. Her friend storms out of a cafe, kisses her and screams she's in love with her? It's certainly understandable she'd feel a little lost, or under great pressure to give you an answer. Her reaction did make sense though, after being met with such a shocking revelation. Wow, now that you were really thinking about it, she still did not know why you ran out of the cafe like that. You wished you could turn back time and redo this day, shame that wasn't possible. Were you two ever going to have a discussion about this, or had you just lost a friend for life. Oh no, you pushed that thought away as quickly as it appeared, you didn't have an ounce of energy left over to dwell on it.

You'd work out what you were going to face her next later, a very well-deserved visit to dreamland was way overdue. You felt your eyelids grow heavy and your breathing slow, so you turned on your side and snuggled into your bed, eventually falling into a deep, deep sleep.

Meanwhile on your bedside table:

Bzz, bzz, bzz.

lovely taggies: @lasting-lover @radioheadfan699 @sophie-thefrog8 @machetegirl109 @ellieschair @aouiaa @wavesgocrash @tangerinngi @elliesbitchvenus @amiorca @dinaissoprettyoml @rxreaqia @camicocom1a @elliesexual @smelliewilliams @boobdrug @writing-on-a-bathroom-stall @bready101 @yourelliewillms @ap3arll @bunnyrose01 @elliesactualgirlfriend @paranoiero @sakiigami @4ftergloww @ellstronaut @vqxen @desireesfics @lez-zuha @dyk3ang3l @iluvellie0089 @tphmnv @seraphicsentences @seaseasalts @biblically-accurate-ellie @deliriousrn @pxterpfx + a very special tag to @fleshunger hehe :)

if i wasn't able to tag you, investigate the issue somewhere in your settings!

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the-moon-loves-the-sea · 1 month ago

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As someone about to be 24 in a few months, does it really get better the older you get? Genuinely confused and wondering because I feel like everyday I'm dragging my feet to just catch up to my peers -Sun

I promise, it really does. Our twenties are rough. That’s our very first decade on our own! You’re just getting started. And your peers who seem like they’re miles ahead of you aren’t really on the same path as you — not any more, not like when we were all in school and we had the same things to learn and the same few years to learn them in, and someone else would tell us when we were through. Now it’s all up to you what comes next.

So all of the ones who have lovers now, or their own place, or a bank account or a couple of dogs or a sense of personal style — none of them are on the same paths either. One of them will raise three kids and then years later start again with two more and do everything differently, and the first kids won’t know how to forgive them for it. And the one going on to their second degree will realize ten years later that they really hate the field they studied for. And they’ll decide to drink less or work less and have to live with the quiet when they slow down, and they’ll move in with their lovers and learn they don’t know anything yet about what they want in love or how to get it. Everyone starts over, over and over again. It’s not a race, it’s a rhythm.

But maybe you really are spinning your wheels and you don’t know how to get traction. How’s your depression? I needed meds, not the anti-anxiety meds they recommended me but proper adhd meds that took years to get. I needed my own space too. I needed new ideas. How kind are the people around you? Do they think good things about you? Are they constantly in crises? Does hearing them stop you from hearing yourself? I had to leave my hometown. I had to unlearn a lot. If you can’t leave, can you find one new person? One quiet place to think? One new author, one new song that’s angrier or lovelier that you can dance to at night or sing to yourself through a long day?

Did things get bad when you were still a kid? You might need extra time with the part of your mind that got stuck young and scared. Somatic therapy is really good. Music helps, and green space, and time working with someone who needs your company — kids or animals or older patients. Most schools and hospice programs need helpers. Making things for yourself helps too — trying until you learn what you like to write or eat or plant, not because it’s mature but because it’s yours.

And maybe you’re actually quite good at some things that you haven’t noticed because they feel easy to learn. How’s your photography, your writing, your memorization, your patience with small kids or spreadsheets or cleaning the little corners of a place? Maybe you don’t know; maybe it’ll take time to find out. If you’ve been diagnosed with anything like neurodivergence or chronic pain, the nearest town to you might have a vocational rehab center that’ll work with you to find your strengths and work you can do.

Anyway, I’m proud of you. You’re looking for hope. There is as much that’s good in the world as all the bad, and some of it is near you. I hope you know you belong here and we need you.

#all the love to you #asks #my god we’ve all been 23 and it is not!!! easy!!!!

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enkvyu · 1 year ago

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8:12am — gojo satoru ;

your sneeze cuts off your sentence and you sigh, apologising into the phone. “sorry, i really don’t think i can carry out the mission.”

you can imagine yaga rubbing his temples on the other side of the line. “just worry about getting better. we can always have someone else fill your absence.”

“thanks, yaga. i’m really sorry for this.”

“don’t worry about it. take care.”

you end the call and sniffle, shoving your hand and phone deep into your pockets to try and conserve heat. the sniffle does little to clear your nose so you do it again, inhaling harder. by the end of it, your airways are no clearer than before.

a doorbell interrupts your suffering and you need to clamp your mouth shut to stop from groaning. dragging your feet behind you, you painfully walk over to your door. when you peer through the peephole, you’re met with a bright blue eyeball peeking through lifted black fabric.

“what the fuck.” you pull open the door. “gojo?”

your colleague stands on the other side, adorned in his typical work uniform with a white bag of something hanging off his arm. “you took so long to open the door i thought you might have died!”

“don’t sound too upset.” you roll your eyes.

gojo pauses and leans in, causing you to take a step back. his face falls into something you’ll call the equivalent to serious considering that you were talking about gojo, and he tilts his head to study you further. “is that a new makeup look? can’t say it flatters your features.”

you growl and it sounds sickly. “i’m not! i’m—” you shake your head as a migraine threatens your sanity. “doesn’t matter, what are you here for?”

“we work together! do i need a reason to come over and hang out?”

“at eight in the morning? yeah, you kind of do.”

“it almost sounds like you don’t want me here.”

“what gave it away?” you say, drily. of course, either gojo doesn’t get the nuance behind your words or he finds pleasure in testing you because he keeps bothering you with his presence.

“my feelings are hurt.” he sulks.

"i don't give a fuck about your feelings."

gojo's eyebrows shoot up. "wow, are you mad at me?"

you shake your head, sighing. “no, i'm not."

"right? after all, i haven't even done anything."

when he doesn't elaborate and the conversation dies, you ask, "was that everything?"

“why do you want me gone so fast? are you hiding something in there?”

you open your mouth to retort when a pulsing pain in your head cuts you off; the migraine was here. you groan, rubbing your temple as gojo’s voice zones in and out. “listen gojo, i am way too sick to banter with you right now. if it’s nothing important, can you talk to me another day?”

“you’re sick? how bad?”

you try to give him patience. “bad.”

gojo hums thoughtfully. “well it’s lucky for you that i’m super great at taking care of sick people.”

you stare at him. “you? really?”

“yeah! i’m incredible at it.”

you level with him a stare before slowly closing the door, intending to shut him out. his foot comes in a blur, holding it in place and you huff.

“you don’t believe me?” he says, looking the part of a wounded animal.

“if i say i do, will you leave me alone?”

gojo tuts, shaking his head. “this won’t do, we can’t have you believe in a false truth. i’m crazy good at taking care of people, i’ll prove it to you now!”

“no, that’s okay gojo, i don’t need your help— and you’re already inside. great.” the door closes behind you with a soft click as you stumble to your living room. “just stay out of the way, okay? and for god’s sake, keep quiet.”

"it'll be like i'm not even here. i promise."

"i don't believe in your promises." you grumble, stomping over to the bathroom. you notice, notice very clearly in fact, that the tall white-haired man follows after you. you stop at the entrance, looking back at him. "are you seriously following me to the bathroom?”

"i was going to stand guard outside!"

"i don't need you to. all i need is for you to leave." you hiss, entering the bathroom and slamming the door in his face. when you come out, he's still standing there, guarding.

you scrunch your nose up at him but leave anyway. he wasn't worth it, you remind yourself.

you make it to your next destination safely, thanks to your new and improved guard dog. checking out the fridge in your kitchen, you realise there was nothing to pop in the microwave and eat whilst wallowing in self-pity.

you do the next best thing and place a pot over your gas stove. bending over, you turn the small knob and watch as the blue flame arises. you let go of the knob, and the flame dies.

this was not something you needed right now but the emptiness of your stomach is all too prominent. so you try again, bending over and rotating the knob over the small fire symbol and watching as the stove flares up. carefully, you release the knob. the flame dies again.

“you okay?”

you grit your teeth into a smile. “yes, gojo. i think i might be better if you could stop looking over my shoulder.”

“the stove does not like you.” he ignores, side stepping to try himself. and because he’s so irritatingly perfect in every way, the blue flame rises and stays when he lets go.

gojo turns to you with a bright smile.

you sniffle and nod. “thank you.”

“what are you making?”

rummaging through your pantry, you remove a packet of instant noodles. the bright red icon on the packaging causes gojo to raise his eyebrow.

“super spicy?”

“i can’t feel anything in my nose right now. i’m thinking of flushing it out with something else.” you go to fill the pot with water but he stops you. “what?”

“you’re sick, you shouldn’t be eating something like that.”

“do you have a better idea?” you ask. “this is all i have in the house right now.”

gojo grins. he lets the white bag he was still holding onto slip down from his arm to his hand and he opens the two handles with enthusiasm. because it was so contagious, you can’t help but feel excited, peering into the bag.

you blanch. “is that medicine, creamed corn and one single egg?”

“yes!”

“that isn’t a meal either, gojo.” you think again, flickering your gaze up to his eyes. “but that’s sweet, thank you. i’ll take the pills after.”

you start to move around but he stops you with his arm. “didn’t i say i was here to take care of you? i’ve got this, just go over and relax on the couch.”

“the last thing i’ll be doing is relaxing if you’re in the kitchen.” your migraine disagrees so you eventually nod, shuffling away. casting one last glance, you point at him. “don’t start a fire.”

he gives you a cheerful wave and you stumble to your couch. you fall into its cushions and exhale, deeply.

time passes in a blur as your illness takes a hold of you, digging its finger into your brain and shaking it, displacing your cerebral spinal fluid. with your face deep within a pillow, you almost miss the scent of smoke.

almost.

you spring yourself up on your arms and dart back into the kitchen, almost running into a wall. coughing, you fan away a puff of smoke as you enter, finding the culprit wishing a tune and stirring something in a pot.

"gojo?" you choke.

gojo spins around and you find that he'd somehow pulled out the "kiss the chef" pink apron shoko gifted you on your birthday which you had immediately hid. it fits him terribly, straining to cover his torso. "you're up! why are you up?"

you cough again, stepping closer. "can't you see past that blindfold? you're starting a fire! i'm surpised my smoke alarm hasn't gone off!"

you reach over and turn the exhaust fan on, something he hadn't even done, and squint through the fog to look at what he was making.

"what is that?"

"it's soup! i heard soup is good for you when you're sick."

you look between the lump of black coal in the pot and gojo's smiling face. "soup has water in it."

"i know, i added that! it just all disappeared." gojo stirs the pot, and you're no longer sure what exactly, he was stirring. "i even added the pills you wanted to take so it'll be easier."

you wordlessly reach down and turn off the gas stove.

he lets you. "thanks, i was just about to plate this."

gojo begins manoeuvring your kitchen with a familiarity you weren't sure how he obtained. he opens the overhead pantry and takes out a bowl, pulls out the utensils from its respective drawer, and uses your favourite spatula to transfer the black lump of something.

he places the bowl in front of you. "here you go."

you stare at it for so long, you start seeing black. eventually, you begin registering the item. "wait a minute, is this a cursed object? did you infuse your cursed energy into this?"

gojo has that stupid grin on his face, the one that he uses when he knows he's in the right. "it is! this should make you better in no time. i used to give this to megumi all the time when he was sick."

"but it looks so..."

gojo digs through his pockets, pulling something out and hiding it in his fist. he holds it out to you. "if you're good and eat it, i'll give you this."

"what is it?"

"it's a secret." gojo says. "c'mon, be a good girl and take your medicine."

you huff, pulling your gaze away from his hand and towards the black lump. it looks edible, maybe if you squint at it, and it didn't seem all too big. you could probably get it down in two big bites. so with the determination of a seasoned warrior, you square your shoulders and break off a chunk, throwing it into your mouth.

your face immediately scrunches up as the taste hits you.

gojo coos at you from the side. "you're almost done."

you glare at him through tears, gulping the substance down when you're able to, and stuff the remaining bit into your mouth.

when it's travelling down your oesophagus, you thrust the bowl back into gojo's hands. "you better give me that thing in your hand."

gojo places his fist in your hands and opens it. a single candy stares up at you. "it's strawberry flavour, your favourite."

you murmur curses at him under your breath, something about him treating you like a child, but take the candy anyway. when you pop it in your mouth, the sweetness is almost enough to make you forget the taste of the cursed object. gojo's sweet smile fills in those absences as he gestures you to follow him.

perhaps the cursed object gets to you, or gojo’s presence has wormed its way into being comforting because you find yourself following.

"where are we going?" you ask as he leads you around your own home.

"to bed. the medicine will only work if your parasympathetic nervous system is working and considering who you are, you'll never know true relaxation if you're awake."

"hey." you sniffle indignantly. "i know how to have fun and experience leisure."

he hums but doesn't answer, leading you into your room. thinking that a nap would indeed do you good, you start to pull off the shirt you were wearing and wriggle out of your pants. perhaps the sickness had done more to you than you realised, because you forget gojo's presence, whipping your head to find him still standing at your door, his back to you.

"i didn't see anything." he says, immediately.

you grumble, throwing yourself into your bed and sliding under the covers. only then does gojo turn to you.

"you're really docile when you're sick."

"i'll put my foot in your mouth."

gojo laughs, turning around to head out when you call his name.

"are you leaving?"

he smiles, peering over his shoulder. "miss me already? i'll be back, i promise."

"i don't believe in your promises." you say again, but let him go, sleep taking over you. you slip in and out of consciousness as the fever reaches its peak, time slipping away from your knowledge.

every now and then, you hear footsteps, and the sound of a chair being dragged across the floor. one time, you open your eyes and find gojo standing over you, a towel in his hands. "good morning."

you mumble out something that even you couldn't understand, and slip into another fever-induced sleep.

the next time you open your eyes, you're relatively more lucid. you sit up slightly and something wet falls off your forehead. you catch the towel in your hands.

gojo looks up from his spot in your chair, placed beside your bed. "you're up again. here, hand me that."

you wordlessly pass it over to him and he replenishes it in the basin he'd placed on your bedside table. you say without thinking, "maybe you really are good at taking care of sick people."

gojo grins, lightly pushing you to lay down again. "i told you so. you're alot less of a handful than megumi was."

the warmth of the towel soothes you and you close your eyes against the sensation. you hear gojo flicking through a book in his hands, and the sound of paper against fingers lolls you into another comfortable slumber. a nagging thought tickles the back of your mind and with effort, you peer up at him.

when you mumble something incoherent, gojo looks over at you. “what?”

“i said.” you lick your lips and try again. “what did you come here for? you never told me.”

he gives you a slight smile and reaches over, adjusting the towel. “you said you were sick. i wanted to check up on you.”

“but—”

“you can’t fall asleep if you keep talking.” he reprimands. “shall i sing you a lullaby so you can sleep quicker? megumi never lets me.”

even before you can reply, he starts beatboxing and you realised in your sick state that it was the intro to twinkle twinkle little star.

regardless, having gotten an answer, you close your eyes again and let the sleep drag you under. vaguely, you realise gojo must have arrived at your apartment immediately after you had informed yaga that you were sick, stopping only to grab the ingredients to his cursed object cure. you'd have to thank him when you wake up, if you remember.

with a soft exhale, you slip away, gojo's rendition of twinkle twinkle little star your escort.

guess who is sick. guess who is sick studying anatomy. guess who is sick studying anatomy and with a gas stove that is out to get her. the answer may shock you!

#gojo x reader #gojo x you #gojo satoru x reader #gojo satoru #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #gojo imagine #gojo drabble #fushiguro megumi #gojo satoru x you #ieiri shoko

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metalomagnetic · 3 months ago

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Snippet for 'It runs in the bood'

I was so moved by all the lovely comments I got, that it made me want to work on the new chapter immediately, even if I probably should rest, instead.

Anyway, here is a little taste of Sirius being his horrible self.

-----

He finds Snape crowding Quirrell against a wall, acting all intimidating.

However, he’s a fucking looser that can only intimidate little children; it’s only when Sirius shows up that Quirrell bolts, making himself scarce so quickly, Sirius could swear he more flew away that walked-

I must be tired. Sirius must be seeing things that aren’t there. He had a very rough Samhain night, like all Samhain nights are for him, and after that, he had to open a letter to read Harry fought a fucking troll.

“That’s how you do it, Snivellus,” Sirius barks at him. “See, I just have to show up and people flee from me.”

Now it’s Sirius that crowds the miserable twat against the wall. “I hear you’re trying your hand at bullying, Snivellus. The problem is you’re trying it with my boy. I thought I should remind you why that is a terrible idea, the worst you’ve had in ten years.”

Snape glares at Sirius, with those black holes he has instead of eyes.

“How is it possible you got even uglier?” Sirius asks, wrinkling his nose in distaste.

Snape pulls out his wand, face twisting with hate.

Sirius laughs. “Really? You want to curse a Hogwarts Governor? Not only you got uglier, but stupider, too. Truly, life doesn’t seem to agree with you. Shut up!” he growls, when Snape opens his mouth. “I don’t care to hear what you have to say; I never did.” He steps closer, towers over Snape, who still holds his wand firmly, but hesitates to do more with it.

“You know what I think, Snape? I think you should have another moonlight encounter with a four legged, furry animal. I think the first one wasn’t enough to teach you a lesson. You know why it wasn’t enough? Because James saved you. But you got him killed, you sniveling worm. You got him and Lily killed, and now there’s no one to save you when I send Greyback after you. And I will, if I hear a single complaint against you from Harry. You know I will.”

“You-” Snape hisses, going red and deathly pale at the same time. It’s a funny combination. “That’s all you do these days, threaten to set the werewolf on people? Brave Gryffindors should fight their own battles-”

“You’re unworthy of my wand. Curses are wasted on you. I even feel sorry for Greyback, to stain his fangs with your disgusting body…a pity. Alas, that’s why I have minions, to spare me of such undignified tasks. You’d like to have minions, too, no doubt. You’d love to have the means to set a werewolf on someone; that’s why you’re on a power trip with the children, you fucking arsehole, because they’re the only ones powerless enough to listen to you. But you don’t have anything, that’s the truth. Remember, I used to tell you, when we were kids ourselves? That you’ll die alone and unwanted? Seems I was right. No doubt you’re still sleeping with Lily’s picture on your pillow, since the poor photograph can’t exactly protest to your pathetic presence. At least have the decency not to antagonise her son- the one that you orphaned.”

“Sirius,” a firm voice calls from the end of the hallway.

It’s Dumbledore’s no nonsense voice, very different from how he sounded half an hour ago.

“Oh, sorry,” Sirius hisses at Snape. “I forgot you do have someone. A master to serve. A new one, that is. You’ve forsaken the first one, after all-”

“Sirius!” Dumbledore’s voice gets even steelier, and it’s coming closer.

“Stay away from Harry, you greasy pice of shit!” Sirius warns, and then turns and storms away.

And if that weird Quirrell stalks after him again, he’s going to meet the bad end of Sirius’ wand. He’s reached the limit of his patience for the night.

For the entire fucking year, actually.

#it runs in the blood #Sirius bullying Snape since 1970 #but he doesn't like to hear someone is bullying his kiddo #Voldemort being his creepy stalker self #Sirius Black

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redvdress · 4 months ago

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A/N: Just to see you smile, Captain Levi could even listen to Connie’s stupid jokes. Isn’t this what we call pure love? No warnings, Levi is a secret softie

SHITTY JOKES

The mess hall buzzed with the quiet hum of conversation, the air thick with the scent of the evening’s meal—a simple stew with fresh bread, a rare treat. After a grueling day of training, everyone was feeling the strain, yet these shared meals were one of the few moments that brought a sense of normalcy to the lives of the Survey Corps. There was a comforting routine to it: the clatter of plates, the low murmur of voices, and the occasional burst of laughter, even in the face of all they had seen.

You sat wedged between Sasha and Connie, both of whom were already on their second helpings, having devoured their first plates in record time. Across from you sat Captain Levi, his posture as rigid as always, his hand loosely gripping a cup of tea. Even in these rare moments of respite, he was ever-watchful, his sharp eyes scanning the room. He never fully relaxed, but tonight, there was a subtle softness in his gaze, especially when it flicked toward you.

Down at the end of the table, Hange was her usual animated self, talking rapidly and gesturing wildly as she tried to explain her latest theory to Commander Erwin, who listened with a mixture of patience and amusement. “I’m telling you, Erwin! The Titans aren’t just mindless—they’ve got patterns we’re not seeing yet!” she exclaimed, her hands slicing through the air with each word.

Erwin, calm as ever, nodded thoughtfully, his fingers tapping lightly against the edge of his mug. “Interesting, Hange. We’ll have to look into that further.” His tone was even, though it was clear from the twitch of his lips that he was used to Hange’s more… enthusiastic outbursts.

Back at your end of the table, Connie leaned forward, his eyes gleaming with mischief. “Hey, guys,” he said, grinning as he looked around. “Want to hear a joke?”

Sasha groaned immediately, her head dropping into her hands as if she already knew what was coming. “Connie, please no. Not tonight. I don’t think I can take it,” she mumbled through a mouthful of bread. “Your jokes are almost as bad as the food ration days.”

Despite yourself, you smirked, waiting for Connie’s inevitable attempt. His jokes were terrible, everyone knew it—but somehow, they always managed to bring a laugh. Connie, completely ignoring Sasha’s protests, carried on, his grin widening. “Come on, this one’s actually good! Just trust me.”

“Yeah, sure,” Sasha said, shaking her head but smiling. “This is going to be painful.”

Captain Levi, who normally would have shut down any nonsense in an instant, remained silent, watching with an unreadable expression. His eyes, however, occasionally flicked toward you. He wasn’t known for indulging in small talk or jokes, but something tonight—maybe the subtle tired smile on your face—made him hold back. He didn’t say anything, but his silence was permission enough for Connie to continue.

“Alright, alright,” Connie said, rubbing his hands together as if preparing for a grand performance. “Why did the Scouting Legion recruit the scarecrow?”

Sasha groaned loudly. “I don’t know, Connie. Why?” She sounded resigned, already bracing for the punchline.

“Because he was outstanding in his field!” Connie announced, his face lighting up as if he’d delivered the cleverest line of the century.

The table erupted into a chorus of groans, Sasha burying her face in her hands again, but this time she was laughing despite herself. “Connie, that was terrible!” she managed between chuckles, shaking her head. “How do you even come up with these?”

You couldn’t help but laugh too, your exhaustion lifting for a brief moment as the silliness of it all sunk in. Across the table, you caught Levi’s eyes again. His face remained stoic, but there was something softer in the way he was looking at you—something protective, almost fond.

“You look like you’re about to kill him,” you whispered to Levi, leaning in slightly.

Levi’s eyes flickered with a brief spark of amusement before he shrugged, the smallest hint of a smirk playing at the corner of his mouth. “If it makes you laugh,” he said, his voice quiet but warm, “I’ll tolerate his idiocy.”

It was such a rare response from him, but somehow, it felt perfectly in character—gruff, practical, yet tinged with a hidden care that only surfaced in moments like this.

Meanwhile, Hange, having heard the punchline, let out a loud, cackling laugh from the end of the table. “That’s great! Outstanding in his field! Connie, you’re on to something!” she said, wiping a tear from her eye as Erwin smiled softly, clearly entertained by Hange’s enthusiasm more than the joke itself.

“You’re just encouraging him,” Sasha muttered, though she was still laughing.

“I think you’re just jealous, Sasha,” Connie shot back, grinning. “At least I’ve got a talent for something other than eating.”

“Hey!” Sasha protested, her face mock-offended as she shoved another piece of bread into her mouth with dramatic flair. “Eating is a talent! I’m ensuring we don’t waste anything. Very noble of me, really.”

“You’re like a vacuum,” Connie teased, but there was nothing but fondness in his voice.

As the laughter slowly died down, the mood around the table remained light. The shared jokes and banter, though simple, were a rare gift in their harsh world—a brief reminder of normalcy amid the chaos. Levi, his gaze now fixed back on his tea, allowed himself a rare moment of calm. His mind never wandered far from the dangers they faced, but tonight, in this small moment, he let his guard down just a little.

The night deepened, and one by one, the squad members began to retire to their bunks. Hange was the last to leave the table, still rambling to Erwin about Titan behavior as they disappeared into the hallway. Sasha and Connie left together, still bickering playfully about whose skills were more valuable to the team, their laughter echoing down the corridor.

Levi remained at the table, his eyes flicking toward you one last time before he too rose to his feet. He didn’t say anything, but his silence, as usual, spoke volumes. For all his cold, distant demeanor, moments like this were Levi’s way of reminding you—without words—that he was watching, and that in his own quiet way, he cared.

#captain levi #levi ackerman #levi ackerman fluff #levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman x you #levi ackerman x female reader #aot x reader #aot

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umeoniii · 1 year ago

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aot men beige flags

eren, jean, reiner , levi , armin , connie

!: sfw

（＾∇＾）

eren:

☆ makes weird voices.

high pitched, low pitched, shaky he doesn’t care.

like sometimes as a bit he just uses weird accents and stuff.

he’ll speak like a caveman for one day.

“me want ooga burga” he’ll scratch his head like one too

and you’ll just stare at him like, “this mfs crazy” bcs literally wtf is he on about?!

the next day he’s trying to sound french

“oui oui mon amour”

and he’s wiggling his brows and has his imaginary mustache in between his fingers.

☆ his next one is he’s kind of oblivious to a lot of things.

you can pull out the ugliest outfit known to man to test him and he’ll say “that looks so good baby”

not bcs he’s setting u up. no, because he doesn’t think that lime green ripped jeans and a orange cropped hoodie look bad together.

you’ll have to show him what fashion looks like and he’ll get better as time goes on.

jean:

the tickle monster.

☆ when you’re around him u have to watch your back. he’s serious about it.

u can have a super cute sentimental moment with him and he’ll pull it out.

“i really love you baby.” you’d say

“who else do you love, because i know you’re cheating on me with him.”

and you’re like WHAT.

“with who?!”

he’d pause and stare at you for a few seconds.

“THE TICKLE MONSTER!”

and he’d tickle you until you can’t breathe and almost pee yourself.

and after that you don’t trust him but then proceed to slip up multiple times.

u guys are gonna hate me for this next one…

☆ he does “the face” when he’s gonna kiss u

u guys know what i’m talking about

“the face guys make when they go in for a kiss”

his isn’t horrid, only because he’s attractive

sometimes he actually over exaggerates it to piss you off.

it’s not super horrible but it’s giggle worthy

reiner:

☆ he’s a cringe bf. unironically. it’s sweet but not all the time.

by cringe i mean “i just found out about periods, god it must suck to be a beautiful goddess :/.”

or he’s like

“hey! tell you’re period it can’t hurt you like that, it’s not cool!”

☆ he’s also a scaredy-cat.

behind all that muscle is a big baby.

he jumps at scary movies even when he knows what happens next.

cannot play something like fnaf with him

he will throw the phone and scream like he got stabbed in his chest.

he’s probably still scared of the dark but it’s kind of sweet idk. he literally cuddles with you at night like a mother and her baby. you’re practically holding him like a frail little princess, except he’s kind of the exact opposite.

this is actually kind of cute though..

levi:

☆ now his beige flag is that he can be SUPER sarcastic. ik he is.

he’s super snarky and sassy.

like he’s the type to tell what’s considered a ‘corny dad joke’ but instead he’d say it with a stoic face.

like if youre talking and couldn’t remember and say something like “remember when umm…” and you just sit there and think, he’d come back with “no i don’t remember when that happened”.

he wouldn’t laugh or anything.

i feel like that’s why it’s funny. he could make a childish poop or fart joke and it would only be funny bcs he looks like this 😐

he would own a stupid t-shirt that says something like, “find your patience before i lose mine”.

☆ he’s a karen as well. he’s not super bad but like at restaurants and stuff when his foods not right or the tables are not bussed…

i’d be in the bathroom crying my mascara off if i was his waitress

armin:

☆ he’s scared of animals.

this includes typical house pets like dogs or cats.

it’s bcs “they don’t speak , so you’ll never know what they’ll do next.”

his fear stems from one small thing that happened when he was younger.

a cat jumped onto his lap.

he thought it was trying to attack him and so he screamed and the cat got scared.

that’s it.

he can’t even visit the zoo because he’s scared the animals will break out. (he’s super serious about it, it’s not even something he jokes about)

he’s tried to like animals and it worked for a while.

until the dog started to play a little too much to his liking.

☆ also he just randomly informs you of random facts.

completely random.

you could be on the toilet and he’ll come in the bathroom like, “a shrimps heart is in its head…”

no “did you know?” or “isn’t it cool that?” he just says it.

if you ever go onto a game show you’ll probably win it with all the useless knowledge he’s given u.

connie:

☆ you could tell him the most god awful thing happened to you and he’ll be like

“wait, this reminds me of something that happened in something i just watched.”

he’ll proceed to whip out his phone and show you the tv show, news report, tiktok. whatever it was he saw.

this tends to happen to every experience that you have.

you could be held hostage and they’ll call him for ransom and somehow it reminds him of this one part of a tv show.

sometimes it’s funny sometimes it’s not.

☆ he sleeps like he hasn’t slept since the day he was born.

he hops into the bed and sits there for 1 minute before he starts snoring aggressively.

he looks dead, like actually…

sprawled out and snoring with his mouth open.

one time he slept with his eyes wide open and you shook him awake panicking.

he belittled you and was all smart and cocky saying “i would never sleep with my eyes wide open” even though he did.

he sleeps to the rain sounds with the thunder. but sometimes is so sleepy and forgets about it.

tagz!🐬: @hangesgirlypop , @yiugen , @heartshapedtearss

♡

a/n: heyooo! b4 u guys request it, im doing girls next ;). i just think this trend is the cutest thing ever, plus it feels good to write fluff. also im actually getting back to requests. like frl this time, i’ve been grinding non stop all night so i could be done by hopefully friday. feel free to request cute things u guys, i will absolutely write it! and also feel free to request other characters, i feel like u guys don’t request them bcs u guys don’t see them and so u think i won’t do them. trust i probs will!

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autistic-ben-tennyson · 28 days ago

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I have a lot of things to say about this character. I used to identify with her a bit but I no longer do and a lot of the writing in her “arc” has aged poorly. The narrative wants to portray her as just someone who longs to be understood. What we got though is a character who never grows and remains selfish and inconsiderate. I respect and understand that she’s important to a lot of people who are queer and neurodivergent as I am too but I don’t think she’s as good as her stans say.

I’m going to contrast her with two protagonists I am fond of. The character I named my blog after, Ben Tennyson, and Akko from Little Witch Academia which I just finished watching. I actually compared the former to Luz in a more positive post back when I liked her but I think a more critical comparison is needed now. Some have said it but TOH is just an isekai anime for queer people. Any development Luz may have had regarding being less impulsive and selfish got dropped in favor of her just wanting to be understood. She gets everything she wants, to be the hero, to date the rich popular girl, and never be criticized or challenged by anyone.

If Lumity was a cishet ship, it would get a lot more flack from people. Amity herself is woobified by her fans when she was often nasty to Luz or Willow for no reason and didn’t do much to redeem herself for the latter. Luz chose to keep lying to Amity and kept secrets even after she promised to do better. Despite suffering from bad writing in UA, Ben/Julie was still better than this. Julie actually held Ben accountable when he lied or screwed up and she never bullied him, Gwen or Kevin. Ben does try, even if he’s not very good at it to be a better boyfriend and spend more time with Julie as seen in “Revenge of The Swarm” after promising he’d do better.

Some other things that make Ben better than Luz is that his hero fantasy is actually deconstructed. He learns he can’t mess around and do what ever he wants. While he jokes around and acts like a brat, he admits it’s because he’s scared because of the stakes that come if he fails in the episode “The Forge of Creation”. This is not to say Ben 10 is great as it does slip into isekai territory as well with that disgusting harem episode in OV, but it does a little better. He’s also actually bullied as shown in the OS and AF which makes him a bit more sympathetic whereas fanon is used to make Luz more likable than what just the show itself tells.

Regarding Akko, she’s similar to Luz in that she’s impulsive, selfish, rude and wants to be a witch to live out some fantasy. The difference is that Akko learns to be more responsible, that not everything is about her and that she can’t just get whatever she wants. While patience is still something she struggles with by the end of the series, she still grows and becomes a better person. Whereas Luz was willing to abandon everyone while wallowing in self pity, Akko ran away for a few hours after learning that Chariot, her mentor, idol and friend was the reason she was struggling but a quick talk with Diana brought her back. The thing is that a character who’s not a noble saint but still very sympathetic can work such as Shinji Ikari but not if they’re framed as heroic like Luz. That’s why a lot of the show’s writing has not aged well.

To recap, this isn’t to bash people who do identify with Luz and like her. I used to as well, but she’s got some flaws that are often brushed away and the narrative seemed like it wanted to have its cake and eat it too. Wanted to challenge traditional fantasy tropes while ultimately turning into a chosen one wish fulfillment for Luz. TOH was praised for its representation as well as by people who view it as the anti SU but its not the greatest show ever and there are some troubling implications.

#the owl house #toh critical #toh criticism #the owl house criticism #the owl house critical #luz noceda #ben 10 #ben tennyson #ben 10 uaf #lwa #akko kagari #atsuko kagari #little witch academia #Lumity critical #If you disagree and think she’s good #Share why you think so as I am open to different perspectives

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eundiarys · 2 years ago

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ENHYPEN AS ROMANTIC TROPES.

song recommendation : stuck with u by ariana grande ♥︎ no warnings genre all fluff hehe >_< — 1,647 words

001. lee heeseung — highschool sweethearts

• you were class president and he was the school’s troublemaker. you were sick and tired of his stupid jokes, but he didn’t mean too. it was the only way for him to get your attention! and when you don’t give him any, he gets sad 🙁

• though after awhile, he stops doing so much cause he sees you being tired of the trouble he makes and he also feels bad T__T

• and then he tries to get close to you some other ways. and slowly you start warming up to him. how could you not? he gives you his undivided attention when you’re stressed, brings you food when you skipped meals because you were too busy, and even comforts you.

• when you guys started dating, everyone is in shock. seriously? the class president and the troublemaker? it’s like were living in a cliché highschool romance drama.

• neither of you cared though, because he loved you and you loved him. that’s what matters. until now, he still can’t get himself to change the nickname he has for you.

• “hi class prez, did you miss me?” “hee baby, we left highschool 5 years ago.” “nono, you’re still class prez to me. because you still nag me 24/7” “HEY!!!”

002. park jongseong — first love

• met in a class. you forgot your pen and it was the first day. you thought he looked nice, so you asked him to lend you a pen. and then you started talking then boom! feelings appear~ not gonna go to detail this isn’t a fanfic

• something like a opposites attract hehe, he thinks its amazing how he fell in love with you regardless being polar opposites. that’s one of the reasons he had faith in your relationship. met at a class, you asked him for a pen because you forgot. then started talking.

• neither of you expected this relationship. but you’re both glad it happened. you have had failed relationships, thought it didn’t effect you. you always thought because he and she weren’t the one. but even one small fight between you guys, you felt like crying and it effected you so much.

• he’ll be extra sweet when he realises he likes you, but won’t ask you out until the right time. he wants it to be perfect. because you are gonna be his first and last love.

003. sim jaeyun — best friends to lovers

• he knew he liked you from the beginning. but your oblivious ass can’t seem to catch the obvious hints hes giving.

• he buys you anything you want right away, he flirts with you (and when you flirt back he gets sooo red 🥹), he says i love you more often that usual, but you just think it’s normal.

• hes being patient, but that patience runs out when he heard you got a love letter and is seeing the secret admirer soon to talk. he rushes to where you are meeting him, just to see you alone.

• “yn? where is he?” “if you’re talking about the love letter guy, i rejected him and he left.”

• he sighs in relief, and you just chuckle before giving him a quick peck on the cheek. leaving him into a blushing mess. (literally he’s so red and shy and confused and u think it’s so adorable!)

• “i like you too, jake. now let’s go” he grins and quickly followed you around like a lost puppy. a cute lost puppy. hehe!!

004. park sunghoon — soulmates

• met at a coffee shop. wanted to ask for your number but chickened out so he just gave a heart beside your name when he wrote it on your cup. (he thinks its enough of a hint).

• he was absolutely devastated when you didn’t ask him for his number. he thinks he’ll never see you again and thinks it was stupid of him to be so scared.

• but few days later?? you start coming back?? when jake called him and told him you were here he literally rushed out to see if it was true. and there you were, standing infront of the cashier checking out the menu.

• he decided to try and get you interested (?) by drawing little faces and animals on your cup. first time he did it, he saw you laugh at it and look around for the barista who drew it. and ever since then, when you come in he’ll do the same thing just yo hear you laugh again

• but one day. you completely stopped coming. he was depressed. but that when jake told him to take out the trash, instead of arguing about it he just did it. and there you were. by the trash..? WHAT?

• he stared at you, a bit confused. “hi! um this is really weird because im telling you this beside a trash can but um can i have your number? ive been trying to talk to you ever since you drew stuff on my cup but you just won’t look at me” you sighed.

• “i didn’t look at you because you were really pretty. i get so shy everytime i look at you…” “hehe, you’re adorable.”

• “well um.. you want coffee? on the house.” “i can never reject free coffee, so of course.” he gave you a small smile before walking in again with you. just know that you guys talked the whole night.

005. kim sunoo — friend’s brother

• you and your best friend sieun had your own rules of the friendship. and rule #9 is siblings are off limits. aka you can’t have a crush or date kim sunoo and she can’t date or have a crush on your brother.

• but sunoo was hard to ignore. he was sweet and good looking. it didn’t help when he always flirted with you whenever you come over.

• but of course, you catch feelings for him. and he did too. you guys secretly dated, doing stupid stuff all day long and trying your best to not get caught :-)

• after a few months you talked to your friend about it, and it turns out she doesn’t even mind. “yn, that rule is stupid! ignore that specific rule, i don’t mind seriously.”

• atleast you can kiss him infront of everyone now.

006. yang jungwon — childhood friends

• I THINK THIS FITS HIM SOOO WELL <3 okok so you guys met in a playground, he accidentally pushed you and he apologised by giving you his ice cream. guess that formed an instant friendship.

• from playdates to same schools to best friends to inseparable to literally soulmates. literally. he got more popular in highschool, which made lots of girls ask you if you guys are dating, how long you’ve known eachother, and to set you up with him.

• how did the boy who had red cheeks and cried whenever he fell down turn into the most handsome and sweet boy ever?

• one day, he told you he had a crush. he also said that he liked this girl for ages, but never seem to get the hint. so he asked you, a girl, for tips.

• your heart ached a bit but anything for your best friend. you made lots of ideas, picnic date confession idea, sunset confession idea, love letter idea. and he liked all of it.

• “hey yn, which ones are your favourite?” he asked. “oh, well none of them are what i like” you gave him a small smile.

• “what? then what kinds do you like?” “i just like people just telling me about how they feel. flowers and stuff or whatever. i like whatever they think is best”

• and that’s exactly how he confessed.

• and of course everyone approved of it, because they all knew you guys were bound to fall in love. especially both of your families, they think you guys are just so sweet.

007. nishimura riki — one sided enemies (to lovers)

• you hated him. well hate is a strong word, just well. dislike. ever since you met him, he never fails to get on your nerves. NEVER FAILS. it annoyed you how good he is at annoying you.

• but then you hear rumors he has a crush on someone? right after hearing about it, you went straight to him to tease him about it. hey, you needed to win once!

• he was with his friends, but when he saw you he said something to them to make them all look at you and went away all at once. he probably wants to bother you again.

• “i heard that THE nishimura riki has a crush on someone.” his eyes widened, not expecting to hear that.

• “um. did you hear who?” his face flushed as he asked.

• you shake your head. “i’ve never seen him get so shy, she must be special.” he slowly looked up again and nodded. “she is.”

• “want tips? other than your pain in the ass attitude, there isn’t 0 chance she won’t like you back.” why the hell am i offering to help him what the fuck.

• “oh, you think so? then i’ll tell her right away” “damn. that fast? that was all you needed? you really have a big ego. well then, goodluck—”

• before you could leave, he took your hand and held it. why’s he holding my hand? does he want more tips? or is it because— oh. OH.

• you felt your face grow hotter, and he saw. just gave you a small chuckle before looking at you in the eyes and saying “i know ive been mean, but teasing’s just my love language. give me a chance, and i’ll be good to you. i promise, pretty girl.”

honorable mentions (aka my oomfs) ♡ @yeniiverse @hanniluvi @imhuh @lcv3lies @yyunari and all of my followers :D !!!

love, jules ｡⋆ ☆⋆ ˚ needed my enhypen writer debut.. so here it is !!! please give feedbacks and i hope you enjoyed!

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nexionswild · 1 year ago

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IN WHICH MANEATER!reader admits their feelings for the van der linde boys. [p.2] [p.1]

includes: charles ∿ lenny ∿ sean ∿ bill

content warning: fluff, a little angsty in bill’s part, no pronouns [GN]

a/n: i think half of them are so ooc nd im so sorry omdgshjq i’m still trying to figure out how to write for lenny and sean but i promise i’ll get better with time 🦾

✦ ﹒ charles smith

you caught him off guard, that's for sure..

charles is used to being perceived as intimidating and scary, considering his origins and his size, but that's what you like about him.

he never noticed how you'd stare lovingly whenever he'd explain his cultural way of hunting down animals or practice some other things.

and you never noticed how much he had to turn his head away when he saw you flirting men according to dutch's plan. but charles have dignity, and would admit to have found himself jealous every time you'd coo love words out of those pretty lips of yours.

probably needs time to acknowledge that you're dead serious about this relationship, and really looking forward to it. he's not against it tho, he's just.. surprised.

be ready because those massive hands of his are never leaving your waist the moment he gracefully accepts your confession. like never ever. and he doesn't have any shame either, and maybe he'll refrain from being too much of a sweetie in camp for your sake, given you can be easily embarassed if he surprise you with his loving demeanour, but he won't hold back as soon as the gang members are away.

"my mother taught me all the ways to treat a lover.. i hope it'll meet your expectations."

unfiltered romantic. it makes you blush how much he says the most romantic thing out of pocket and pretend like that never happened.

your name is the only thing that comes out of his mouth every now and then, you know because arthur keeps mentioning how much charles talks about you as if you were the only beautiful thing that's plaguing his mind.

✦ ﹒ lenny summers

lenny is so flustered, i'm sorry, god, he's baby

he probably stammered like a fool after you confessed, why wouldn't he? you're perfect, so perfect and he's just some kid, trying to be a big bad outlaw. perhaps that's what you like about him. he's nervous like a little kitty, and lord knows how much nervous men makes your day.

"i- i.. ahem.. yes, yes, of course!"

you made him so embarassed, i hope you're proud of yourself.

he'll struggle telling you how jealous he felt, it didn't really struck his mind first before you even confessed, i mean, sure he did think you were charming, but he never really bat an eye at your work.

he only got feelings because you were fun to listen to, you didn’t notice how he’d watch you every time you went on your drunken rants. it’s only recently that you found out according to karen.

for most of the part, lenny would rely on you. i mean you can’t blame him, you’re popular. in a way, you are, you’re like dutch. you have a lot of contacts, and charisma, he’s been a bystander. he’s pretty awkward, he doesn’t know what to do, but you find it cute, somehow.

of course, he’ll start to man up eventually when he feels more confident by the time you’ve shown him what you’re most comfortable with in terms of love languages, and he easily adapts himself to it. i mean, he absolutely loves spending time with you, and the amount of patience you put in for him really melts his heart in a way, but he’ll never admit it. ever.

depending on what you’re most comfortable with, lenny would gladly ride all the way to saint-denis for the simple wish of getting you something expensive, or even bring you along with him so you get to choose what you want. something he didn’t expect to see is you using your flirtatious ways of getting an item for free.

“you really know how to fool a man.. please don’t make a fool out of me.”

✦ ﹒ sean macguire

“ha! i knew ya’d fall for me!”

absolutely did not know you’d fall for him.

sean likes to be confident, at least he likes to appear confident. but often mix things up with arrogance, and if you were to call him out on that, he would tone it down a little. he doesn’t mean to be rude to you, he’s genuinely happy, he just doesn’t know how to properly express it.

sean have a loud mouth, and he didn’t hide the fact that he was getting irritated when men were attracted to you, often times he’d be barked at by arthur or john for fucking up your plan for being jealous. he never understood it, he thought he was being a gentleman chasing those creeps away.

he’s a comedian, on accident. you don’t know how to describe it but there’s something really sweet in seeing him ramble to the point where he’s humorous like that. you guess that’s how you fell for him. sean is so honest. and so dumb, too.

what you most love, is when he gets drunk. that’s where he starts to be overwhelmingly affectionate. and the gang teases you about it, but you couldn’t care less. he’s adorable that way! why would you make fun of something as precious as his honesty? especially when he’s slurring on his words, too?

he’s not a charmer with words, and he knows it. that’s why the best he could do to prove his love is by teasing or joking around with you, he’s trying his best.

“these english men keeps bullyin’ ya… just tell me! i’ll shoot ‘em right between thei’ eyes, yeah?”

he wants to look strong and fearless for you, he wants to impress you in every way he can. sometimes, you’d see him getting angry about the fact that he lost something, wether i’d be a fist fight or a game, but the moment he sees you, he gets embarrassed.

you’re the only one who can reassure him that what he failed to achieve doesn’t matter much, the effort is more important.

✦ ﹒ bill williamson

doesn’t believe you. at all.

bill was always made fun of, or teased by others to get a rise out of him. and he doesn’t believe you, because he thinks it’s just another way to make him mad. but he can’t help and think how evil this is, using you, someone he truly admire, to pick on him?

when you insist that you’re not joking, bill starts to get angry. not at you, but it’s just the way he is, he’s trying his best but he’s still in doubt.

given your reputation with men, and how many times he have to ignore you on duty, he just think it’s purely for the entertainment of seeing him falling like a fool. williamson is someone who’s not joking around, and that you know.

“if you love me, why would you?” he snaps. then immediately regrets. he doesn’t wanna lash it out on you, and he’d drink himself to death if he’s actually convinced that you love him that way.

he wants to apologize, but no words are leaving his mouth. and there’s an unbearable amount of pressure on his shoulders by this point, but when you take your time and explain to him the reason behind your fondness, he softens up a tad.

you had the patience to deal with him, surely you were serious?

“fine. i believe you. but i’m warning you, if this is some sick joke, i’ll—… i’ll…”

he won’t do anything.

for the past few weeks, you’ve been awfully affectionate towards him to prove your point. and he complains about it, tho he secretly enjoy having your full undivided attention. every time dutch planned to take him for a mission, you’ve been prepping his saddle and equipments, and when he came back, you’ve welcome him back with your arms open.

and while you were acting like some kind of stay-at-home spouse, bill would be silently protective over you. when you have to talk to men and women and fake another of your identity to wrap them around your finger, bill would silently sit at a table nearby and watch carefully, making sure no one lays a finger on you.

and when you thank him for his care through kisses, all you hear are grumbling noises and a little “you’re welcome”.

he’s just an angry worked up man, but you love him for it. (surprisingly!)

#🎀 : nexion 's hcs #rdr2 x reader #gender neutral reader #reader insert #red dead redemption #red dead redemption 2 #x reader #xreader #charles smith x reader #sean macguire x reader #lenny summers x reader #bill williamson x reader #rdr2 #rdr #sean macguire #charles smith #lenny summers #bill williamson

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gretavanlace · 1 year ago

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Poppins (part 9)

Josh Kiszka x reader

18+ only! Minors do not interact!

Warnings: graphic sexual content, illusions to sex & oral sex, angst, language, brief discussion of suicide, dirty talk, deception, alcohol consumption, etc

The wine has loosened his tongue only slightly, while yours remains nearly untouched, and your tongue bitten quiet. The glass in your shaky grip having been reduced to something to merely occupy your hands - lest you grab him up to dramatically demand answers that, in truth, you really aren’t owed at all.

“I don’t even know where to start,” he chuckles softly, staring at the golden liquid he is now sipping on for courage.

How very unlike him. He is normally so well spoken. Even when touching upon subjects he knows little about, he is eloquent and honest, posing well thought out questions, eager to engage, hungry to banter, excited to learn.

His voice, always so soothing and pacifying; almost tranquilizing in its melodic cadence…now carries a small tremor. Does he fear your reaction to the truth? Or does he simply fear speaking the words aloud might solidify a truth he wishes wasn’t so?

Rather than ask, you remain hushed, and wait with painted on patience.

“The night I slept with her wasn’t the worst night of my life.” He finally sadly sighs, leaning back against the couch as though getting comfortable for the long haul. “In fact, I was so drunk I don’t even really remember it aside from bits and pieces. Doesn’t that make me sound like an asshole?”

You choose honesty, “Yes.”

He smiles over at you, thankful you refused to deny him, warts and all. “The next morning is what I really can’t stand to think about. Sometimes even now, it’ll all come back to me out of nowhere - how it felt when I opened my eyes against the pounding in my head to find her lying there beside me. When I realized what I had done to him. When I knew nothing was ever going to be the same. I have never, ever, considered taking my own life, but in that moment, if I had held a gun in my hand, I think I might have used it.”

The thought alone ruins what little appetite you might have had, and you know with certainty that the sushi rolls are doomed to spoil on the table.

“Probably on her first, and then on myself.” He shrugs, “I hated her almost as much as I hated myself for it. Hate myself for it. How could we fucking do that to him, you know? Monsters. Both of us.”

“‘He never has to know.’ She said, staring at the ceiling, refusing to look at me - which I was absolutely glad for. Her voice was innocent, like she was friends with woodland animals and dwarves. It made me sick that she could sound so sweet while we were still naked beneath my sheets. It made my stomach turn like I’d just stuffed myself full of a cake baked with too much sugar. I wanted to vomit. I wanted her to shut up.”

How differently they’ve spoken of her voice. Selfishly, you prefer Josh’s loathsome version over his brother’s wistful description.

“And I agreed, like a fucking coward, I agreed. I said, ‘Ok.’ That’s all. O-fucking-kay. Like she had just suggested a new diner for lunch or something equally mundane.”

You want to reach for him, to stroke his face, smooth his curls, to tell him everything will be alright. To somehow convince him it was all a bad dream, simply to erase the anguish that has vibrated to life in his eyes. Instead, you sit still and quiet, and let him go on.

“Betray my brother worse than I already have? Okay.” He scoffs, self disgust heavy on his tongue. “I said, okay.”

It’s silent for a few beats while he goes off somewhere alone in his head. Somewhere you don’t care to visit. Somewhere he wouldn’t allow you to follow even if you begged him to.

If you asked, he would shake his head and tell you you don’t belong in those memories, gritty with treachery and the ugliest of things. No one goes there with him, not even Jake. Jake visits a hell all his own when he thinks of the way his chest was ripped apart, and who was responsible for the wounds.

“Anyway, you know all that.” He taps your knee with a soft, sorrowful smile. “And while I don’t know exactly how much he told you about what went down, I do know that he told you that I eventually did confess my sins. I know this, because I know he could never stand to make me out to be the bad guy for very long…even though it’s what I deserve.”

You grab his hand up and offer it a squeeze. “We all make mistakes. He’s forgiven you…maybe you should forgive yourself.”

How strange. Last night you had been so furious with him for breaking Jake’s heart. It had seemed reprehensible, unforgivable, horrific…and it is still all those things, but now it has been rendered clear that it is all far from in your hands. There is nothing to be done. It is all just part of their history, which has nothing to do with you. They have navigated waters in which you will never swim, and that’s alright.

It’s okay to let go of what happened then, and consider who they are now, only.

“Yeah.” He nods slowly, “I have, mostly. Sometimes though, it's hard to look at myself in the mirror.”

The refrigerator kicks on, driving home the quiet, and how alone you truly are in the house…a rarity so foreign you aren’t sure how to handle the sudden, dawning realization.

“Anyway,” he sighs, at last, dragging his palms up and down his thighs - a gesture so like his brother’s you might be able to believe you’re sitting beside Jacob if you didn’t know better. “He waited it out. Lurked around in the grass like a fuckin’ snake until he found his moment. I earned the strike, though…and I deserved the venom, so…”

Soft as a whisper hushed in a theater, you find the will to pry “What happened, Josh…will you tell me?”

“Damn, sweetheart…” he grins, jutting in chin upwards in order to glare lovingly down the perfect bridge of his nose at you “You know how to get what you want, don’t you?”

“I don’t—“ your confusion scatters your thoughts for a breath “I don’t know what you mean.”

He leans forwards and drifts his lips across your cheekbone softly, tenderly, delicately, as if he worries over breaking you. “‘Will you’, you said. Like you want it…and I can’ t deny you. You want, you ask, I give…it’s just that simple.”

You can feel heat coaxing an embarrassing pink to life in your cheeks, “Okay, tell me then, don’t deny me.”

Should you use his devotion against him? Maybe not. Definitely not. But, this is why you’re both sat upon this couch, after all, isn’t it?

He grabs a sushi roll and shoves it in his mouth, likely to buy himself a little time. Finally, after a dramatic swallow, he shakes his head. “That fuck broke my heart right back. Eye for an eye was always kind of our motto, so I guess I should have seen it coming. I didn’t though, because what he thought was his revenge wasn’t the arrow in my heart he thought it would be.”

On you wait, as he gathers his thoughts, or plucks up his nerve. The grandfather wall clock that hangs in the hall, gifted to him after his grandpa passed, keeps time with its incessant tick, tick, ticking. He hates that clock, says it reminds him too much of his own mortality, the way it ticks the seconds and chimes the hours…but it would sadden his father to know this, so on his wall it will hang.

That is the Josh that makes sense to you. Selfless and fierce in his love for those lucky enough to bask in it. He is so much more familiar than the imagined Josh, lying in bed with his brother’s whole world beside him.

“I was in Flint for the weekend for a conference, and she stayed to keep an eye on the place for me. He showed up here, and I doubt she put up much resistance. Jake has this way about him, always has. He can just look at a woman and make her long for him. I’ve seen it a hundred times.” His gaze shifts to you with a gentle half-smile, “Some of those times have hurt worse than others, though.”

He’s speaking of you, and you feel ashamed. How many times has he watched you swoon over his twin, how many times has it made him angry? Worse, how many times has it made his heart ache?

“When we were younger, we used to do this dumb thing to mess with our mom,” he laughs softly and you feel yourself relax, “We’d sneak off into one room or another while she was busy with something else and we’d turn all the pictures on the wall upside down. It was stupid, and sometimes it would take her a day or two to notice, but it drove her crazy. We thought it was the funniest thing, watching her get so pissed off.”

“Idiots.” You laugh with him, picturing how pleased they must have been with themselves. “I don’t know how your poor mother put up with you two.”

“We did it with the furniture once, too.” He confesses, smiling wide at the memory. “Turned the couch and the end tables upside down. The coffee table, loveseat, the whole deal. Anyway…”

His sunny smile fades, “That’s how he let me know where he’d been. I came home Sunday night and noticed a single picture on the bedroom wall had been turned upside down.”

You’ve been in his room enough times to know that a picture still hangs that way, though you’ve never asked why.

He sees your gears turning and nods, “I left it like that not to remind myself of what he did to me, but of what I did to him.”

“I never brought it up to her, but I saw him a few days later - stopped by his place because I missed him more than I hated what we had done to each other. He looked like shit…almost as bad as when he’d learned that she maybe didn’t love him as much as he loved her.”

The memory of Jake describing the hole he had crawled into creeps into your head and you want to claw it out.

“What I said to him really isn’t important,” he shrugs, looking at you as if he’s pleading to be let off the hook. He doesn’t want to share, and you won’t ask him to.

“The long and the short of it was that he really did nothing that was too terrible. We’d always been that way with each other; an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. But, I didn’t love her. He didn’t hurt me by sleeping with her. It stung a little, but that’s only because I’ve got an ego to coddle, that’s all.”

He swallows the last of his wine as his hand, warm and steady now, finds yours. “What hurt came later.”

“Lily?”

“Lily.”

“I hadn’t seen her mother in weeks when she called to tell me she was pregnant.” His eyes are distant and misted, but his thumb sweeps back and forth along your own to prove he’s still with you. “I couldn’t be certain the baby was his, but I was damn sure certain it wasn’t mine. Didn’t tell her that, though. And maybe I should have. Maybe I should have said something right away, but I just couldn’t. If she was going to lie and say the baby was mine, I was going to run with it. I wanted Lily from the second I knew she was on her way. Wanted her more than anything I had ever wanted anything before, even though I knew the truth.”

Your confusion spurs you on, and you can no longer stay mum “But how could you know? I mean, sure, she might have been Jake’s, or whoever’s, but she could've just as easily been yours, right? I mean,”

“No.” There’s a finality in his tone that quiets you instantly. “She isn’t mine, and I knew it from the start.”

“But…”

He talks over you, but he does so gently, “I hadn’t told anyone, mostly because I didn’t want it to be true…all I’d ever wanted was to be a dad, to have a little family to come home to every night. A boring, lovel, little life. Even now, Jake is the only one who knows. I should have told you, especially given how I want things to be for you and I, and I’m sorry for that.”

You think you know where he’s headed with this, but to misread anything in this moment is something you can’t risk, so you wait him out while he struggles to find the words.

When he finally finds them, they tumble out in a rush before he loses his nerve. “I knew she wasn’t mine because I can’t have kids. I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry…I should have told you. You deserved to know that before things went as far as they have, but I just…I just couldn’t, and I don’t know why. I still can’t stand the thought of people knowing. For it to be fact. For it to be real.”

A million and one questions are racing through your head. Why can’t he? How does he know? How long has he known? Is he sure? Why he’s apologizing for something so devastating and completely out of his hands? Why he’s apologizing to you? Does he see you that way? As someone who he’d give his babies to if only he could? Does he love you that way? Do you love him that way?”

But the agonized shadows in his eyes tell you that this is hard enough for him. That he might fall apart if you unleash an interrogation upon him in his cozy little living room over wine and a neglected dinner.

“Say something.” He finally whispers, taking your hand in both of his now. “Please, say something.”

“I’m so sorry, Josh…” you squeeze your fingers tighter between his, lacing them further to ground him “I didn’t know. I’m so, so, sorry.”

You watch the terrorized tension drain out of his body. Had he expected you to be angry? To tell him that whatever this is between the two of you is over? You don’t know it, but yes, he did. He expected that, and worse.

“Sweetheart,” he blinks away tears as he calms and attempts to offer you a smile.

He’s trying to find a way to explain how much it means to him that you’re still sitting beside him, but you shake your head, silently promising that he doesn’t need to say anything at all.

“So now you see why I went along with it.” He continues, at last…words shaking and raspy with emotion. “I loved that little girl from the moment I knew she existed, and I wanted her. God, how I wanted her. I didn’t give a shit about biological this and that, she was mine from the word go.”

The love that undulates from every cell in his body when he speaks of her is maternal. The fierce, instinctual, protective devotion is palpable. He would ride straight into the fiery, miserable pits of hell to find her without a second of hesitation. He would die in her stead a thousand times over. He would do anything, anything, for her. It’s a love like you have never seen, and it is beautiful.

“So, like I said before, I moved her in straight away.” He shrugs, “She wanted to lie, and I wanted her to lie. Everyone was happy. The first ultrasound told me all I needed to know. Something about the way she moved, floating around in there, was so Jake. But, still, I didn’t say a word.”

“When did you finally tell him?” You hush, reaching up to stroke your fingers along the sharp curve of his jaw.

“At the hospital.” This memory in particular is a difficult one for him, you can read it clearly in his expression. “She looked exactly like us. She looked like him. Still, I hadn’t planned on telling a soul what I knew to be true until he showed up to meet her. Watching him hold her, the way he looked at her…”

He falters with a shuddering breath, “I just couldn’t keep that from him. He knew it was a possibility, he isn’t an idiot. But, she was his and he deserved to know. So I waited until we were alone, watching over her through the nursery window, and then I just told him. He looked at her for the longest time, so tiny and fragile, so real, and then pulled me into one of those crushing hugs of his - you know the ones - and he said,”

Now the words are so caught up in his tightened throat he has to fight to speak them, “He said, ‘congratulations, brother, you’re gonna be a fucking fantastic dad’.”

He laughs a little, “Then he knocked on the glass to get the attention of the nurse and demanded another visit with his niece. That was that.”

“He knew she was yours.” You whisper, in awe of their bond, of their tempestuous love for one another. “He knew where she belonged.”

“Or,” he argues just as softly. “He just couldn’t stand to take my only chance away.”

“Yes,” you agree, “maybe so.”

“He tried to stay away, I could tell. I could feel it from across town, the way he’d be holed up in his apartment fighting not to come over and see her…so I’d call him with excuse after excuse just so he could live with being here so often.”

The love in Josh’s heart, the empathy, never fails to floor you and make you weak for his strength.

“Then, after Lil’s mother left, he practically moved in. He helped with everything. We took turns waking up with her, not that it was that far of a stretch since she slept in either my arms or his. He gave her a bath every night in the kitchen sink, and I swear to god I’ve never seen him happier than when he was shampooing her little head. It all changed when she started to talk and directed one of her first little ‘da-da’s’ at him.”

He leans forward to refill your glasses, and you’re grateful for it, the haze of a tiny buzz might cushion the emotional blows being dealt.

After a long pull at his resiling, he goes on, “I argued with him when he told me he was going back out on the road. Told him everything would work itself out, but he fucking leveled me one night. She’d been sick, running a little fever, so we were both awake to keep an eye on her and he said ‘I can’t do this anymore, Josh. She’s yours, but every fucking day I wish that wasn’t true a little bit more. I need some distance, and I need it now.’ So, I let him go without a fight, how could I not?”

“She was lucky to have so much love, “ you offer, honestly. “She still is.”

“And you say I’m the eternal optimist.” He watches your mouth, but only for a blink. “No one knows, or even suspects. Honestly, I don’t think either one of us ever expected to tell another soul. And, you know, maybe I shouldn’t have laid this on your doorstep…but like I already said, he would have told you eventually. I don’t know how I know that, but I know that.”

“You’re right,” you lean in closer, pulled by the magnet force of all the truth he’s trusted you with, nose to nose, but there’s something innocent in the proximity. Something that says, this might lead somewhere tonight, this might lead nowhere tonight. “He told me he would have.”

His hand is wrapped loosely around the side of your neck now, holding you in place, “You asked him about it? What did he tell you?”

“Nothing.” Your lips are nearly touching, breathing one another’s air, words falling against each other's mouths. You savor him, he’s never tasted more like Josh than he does right now, with everything laid bare. “He told me nothing. He said it was your story to tell.”

“And so tell you the story, I did, sweetheart,” he’s crawling over you now, guiding you back on the couch, staring down at you as he moves with the strangest mixture of something gentle, and something inherently predatory. “And here you are.”

“Yes,” you nod, submitting below him with your hands reaching up to bury themselves in his curls, shivering at the velour drag of his closely clipped sides brushing over your palms. “Here I am.”

When he covers your body with his, pressing you into the couch cushions until you feel hidden and safe, he’s impossibly hard, rocking between your legs until he works a muted gasp from your lungs.

“So pretty, baby,” his praise sets you on fire, “I’m gonna make you sound like a song tonight. I’m going to make you fucking cry. Do you want that, love? Do you want me?”

“Yes,” you nod feverishly, forehead to forehead, “I want you, Josh. I want your fingers, I want your mouth, I want you. Want you inside me.”

“You want my mouth?” You feel his lips curve into a smile that is now flush against your throat. “That sounds perfect. You want me to taste you? To kiss you right here?” He snakes his hand between you and cups at your heat through your pants. “You want me to suck this beautiful pussy until you can’t stand it anymore? You want to cum right on my tongue, sweet girl?”

“I don’t care,” you’re writhing and squirming like a whore and you can’t find the will to worry about it, “just want you, baby…c’mon, Josh, please.”

“I like it when you beg,” his confession rides out on stuttering breaths, “But I can’t seem to deny you long enough to indulge in all that whining for very long. It’s a shame.”

His fingers are working at the button on your jeans as you pump your hips into nothing beneath him when the knock comes at the door.

“Who could…”

He cuts off your wide-eyed question, groaning out a name as he shakes his head in the crook of your neck, “Jake.”

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punkpandapatrixk · 1 year ago

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🐶The Moon’s Message to Your Inner Child ♦︎ Timeless Pick A Card

This PAC is in collaboration with @faerytreealtars and her part of the PAC covers a message from the Sun🌞Check out her PAC to get a full circle reading~🍃😉

["Wisdom from the Sun" – how to reach your divine self]

‘Do you like to draw with crayons? I’m not very good at it. But it doesn’t matter. It’s the fun of doing it that’s important. Now, I wouldn’t have made that if I’d just thought about it. No matter how anybody says it is, it feels good to have made something. The best thing is that each person’s would be different. In a way, you’ve already won in this world. Because you’re the only one who can be you. And that’s the way it’s supposed to be.’ – Mr Rogers

SONG: Take Me by Miso

MOVIE: Finding Neverland (2004) & Goodbye Christopher Robin (2017)

[PAC Masterlist] [Patreon] [Paid Readings]

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 1 – Kinder and Kinder to Your Younger Self

VIBE: BAD MODE by Utada Hikaru

your heart’s secret desires – XIX The Sun

You are actually somebody who believes deeply in world peace. You desperately want to see the world become a sweetly welcoming place for all, especially children and animals. You have a belief that children and animals are so deserving of gentleness and safety. But you often forget that all adults are just as deserving of the same kindness we bestow children and cute animals.

At some point if Life, you grew up and became tough. I think you thought that you needed to become so. I think your environment made you believe it was important to become so tough the world you wouldn’t beat you to it. You’ve experienced quite a bit of hardships, too, so it was rather easy to fall prey to this cruel notion that adults must all toughen up.

‘If you’re tough with yourself, the world will be gentle with you.’ ??

Though it may seem like those words contain so much practical wisdom, deep down, your heart is terribly disturbed by it. There’s just something that’s not quite right about it. If everybody is hard on themselves… how can anybody be gentle with someone else?

in your element – 2 of Swords

Irrespective of what your Moon Sign is or where in your natal chart it is placed, you’re technically not a person who wants to toughen up. I think you’re a deeply sensitive Soul who still believes that patience and compassion can solve many of the world’s problems. Because in fact, your Higher Heart knows this to be true. You’re somebody who can make real compromises to accommodate the needs of others and you’re genuinely capable of real charity because you’re the type that tries to understand wholeheartedly where somebody else is coming from.

When you help others, you do so with their best interest at heart and you don’t even expect anything in return. When you are useful to other people, when your existence can improve other people’s life situations, you feel most like yourself. All that you hope for is that people are at minimum grateful because when people are grateful, they’re really only increasing their own ability to manifest even more ease and abundance. You’re not even expecting them to be grateful to you. My goodness, you must be God🤩

But uhm… You sure, honey, you’re not compromising way too much because you’re also somewhat people pleasing for a lack of gentleness in your childhood?

making dreams a Reality – V The Hierophant

See, The Sun is no.19 in the Major Arcana; that reduces to 10. The Hierophant is no.5 and this is telling me that you’re about halfway to manifesting all your dreams of ease and world peace. The half of your manifestation is already stored in your Higher Heart and you have nothing to worry about it. What you do need to focus on is learning to be kinder and gentler with your own younger self. You’re so kind and accommodating to others but often forget that you need tender care yourself.

There’s a possibility that you grew up with stern adults who didn’t know how to be gentle with children. You grew up being a victim to this kind of behaviour so you overcompensate by being overly nice to others because you don’t want to become like them. But you’re still hard on yourself because this is like already programmed in your subconscious, and if you notice, you have a tendency to also be quite stern with those closest to you. And wow… that often kinda gets messy.

Can you imagine if you became a parent yourself? You could become a perpetrator of a cycle of old people pointing fingers at young people who are still trying to figure out their place in the world. I don’t think you’d be happy with yourself in your older years when you realise you haven’t broken this pattern yourself. I believe you’re someone who wants to leave a legacy of a more peaceful nature🍂It begins by creating a new world by creating a new you, after forgiving yourself for past mistakes you made when you didn’t yet know so much🍃

INNER ALCHEMY🔻❤️

balancing logic and emotions – Silver Astrologer (John Dee)

speaking with conviction – Priestess of Inspiration

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Pile 2 – Baby Venus, You Came Here to Beautify This World

VIBE: Forever by aespa

your heart’s secret desires – Ace of Cups

You are for sure a Lightworker. Maybe even a Starseed. Or something of a cosmic mystic. Could also be from the faery or elven realm. The point is, your Soul is deeply connected to a realm other than this Earth we perceive consciously right now. That makes your heart EXTRA pure and sparkly because the essence of your being is more refined, baby!

What does it even mean to be Human? Often you don’t have an answer to that. Only thing is, a lot of things about common human conducts that seem to denote their humanness don’t seem all too humane for you. It’s like you’re wondering, ‘If these are the traits that make people Human… then what am I? Because I certainly am not that harsh, deceitful, destructive, or whatever else!’

You have a strong morality about you and you should damn well honour this. The Human world is ugly, indeed, and from your place of beauty, your Soul volunteered to be born here to teach Humans about beauty. Beauty is nice. Beauty is good. Beauty elevates the Human Spirit and if only more people would open themselves to the possibilities, surely everyone would be a lot happier than they are now.

That’s your philosophy, more or less✨🪷

in your element – VI The Lovers Rx

You may resonate to a large extent with being an activist of sort. Whether or not you call yourself an activist or are involved in any real activist project, you know deep down that you’ve always been an activist before even knowing such a term exists. You want to fight for something good in this world. You want to bring an end to all these uncomfortable things that you are witnessing being perpetuated in the Human world. Problem is…

It's been quite hard for you to find people who are on the same bandwidth of frequency as yourself. I think you have a lifelong mission to find your Soul Tribe whilst being incarnate on Earth. I mean, your kind is far and between, honey. It may take some time to find each other and unite for a good cause.

Although you may feel misunderstood and lonely from time to time, the way I see it, you could view this whole journey to finding kindred spirits as a wholesome adventure story. Like a fairy tale, you know. After all, you are a faery. Your Life Story has a purpose to beautify the human spirit later when all’s weaved together to create a grander story with your kindred spirits. It’s all written in the stars already, so might as well enjoy the story writing itself from now🧚🏻‍♀️

making dreams a Reality – II The High Priestess

For you really aren’t of this world, I sense that you actually possess some kind of a superpower. Sure, others might think you’re a weirdo (even a freak for some of you) and that your interests and hobbies are strange and taboo. But what do they know? These mortals are prisoners of their own fake realities.

Since you were a kid, you’ve always known there are holes within this perceived reality and somehow, you’ve always believed there are ways you can bend reality with thought alone. You kinda just didn’t know exactly how that works, you just know it. Like breathing—unless you’ve studied biology, you wouldn’t know how to explain how breathing works but you just know that it happens and how it feels. Something like that.

Your connection to your personal spirituality, your personal occult practices, and everything else of that nature, holds the key to making your Divine Dreams a part of this mortal reality. It’s a beautiful process that only you can experience in your own divine ways, so I can’t tell you what to do exactly to manifest your Destiny. You’ve just gotta keep going at what you know to be your truth🧜🏻‍♀️

And the truth is, you are a magical being who doesn’t even play in the same dimension as the mortals😉Keep doing your magical shit!

INNER ALCHEMY🔻💗

balancing logic and emotions – Silver Astronomer (Galileo Galilei)

speaking with conviction – Priestess of Illumination

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Pile 3 – Don’t Kill Your Dreams No Matter How Wild

VIBE: Anata (Darling) by Utada Hikaru

your heart’s secret desires – 5 of Cups

Hellow, wildchild. It seems you’ve been through quite a bit in Life. There was something in your childhood that erupted in ways your child mind couldn’t have anticipated and it broke you emotionally and spiritually. You’re a pretty logical person, actually, so there’s a part of you that’s been wishing you could get over this heartache. But it hasn’t been easy, at all.

The reason for that is that you care too much. Because you’re incredibly sensitive and kind, you couldn’t help but care. Your heart gets easily disturbed by any small distortion you perceive in this Matrix Reality. You have spidey senses for this kind of thing. Your inner world is so expansive and this is partly why you always feel like you want to help. You want justice to win over evil.

You tend to feel like you’re the one who has to be strong and prove everything to everyone. Not only are you helpful, but you’re truly heroic! That’s how I see it😎The problematic thing is… human beings are not exactly a grateful bunch, so… Maybe being so helpful and heroic isn’t always the best way to nurture your Soul whilst living in this human world?

in your element – Page of Wands Rx

I’m not saying you should stop caring and become a coldhearted bitch. But perhaps posing to be one is a good strategy to preserve your sanity?😜The truth of the matter is that you’re really too precious for this world. You know when people say, ‘We don’t deserve this man or woman or dog or cat.’ You’re exactly like that.

Your passion for making the world a better place is often used against you. I’m kind of thinking of someone like Elon Musk in your case. He was bullied badly at school, but look what he’s doing now. He’s making attempts to improve the lives of everybody that even those bullies are bound to benefit from his passionate work. The haters today are probably gonna benefit just the same, right?

Well, I’m a coldhearted bitch, so my petty view is that these losers don’t deserve to benefit from the works of Elon Musk LMAO But what do you think of yourself? I know that in this lifetime you are going to make great leaps that will improve the lives of those you care about. But what about your heart? Will you be able to forgive those who have made hell out of your Life? Or will you become a vengeful barbie bitch who shows them the door to hell of their own making?

It’s up to you and it should be a very exciting spectacle to anticipate👻

making dreams a Reality – XII The Hanged Man Rx

The Hanged Man is a card that has some relations to The Lovers (to think you even get the Priestess of Love for the bonus content🤯). The Hanged Man often talks about compromises and sacrifices. It’s like, when you love and care so much you’re bound to make sacrifices because the world is far from utopian. In an ideal world we wouldn’t have to hurt just to manifest blessings and abundance, for ourselves or everybody else. But… this is what we have, so…

But although this world is messy and hurtful, it wouldn’t be wise for you to reduce the brilliance of your dreams just to avoid heartache or disappointments. You’re avantgarde; not that many people can see the value of what you wish to achieve with your talents. Never kowtow to the convention. Although you’re helpful and a very pleasant person to be around, you’ve got your own big dreams that are needed by the community. I think you just haven’t allowed yourself to fully embrace this idea.

Know that you’re supported by the cosmos in pursuing to improve what you know to be your true talents. One day, the world will be so grateful that you never gave up on your Light. But when that day comes, what’s your care? Gratitude is the least of your concerns. Basically you just want to live on your own terms and create magical pathways for the world to enter into🌏Whilst at it, might as well do whatever you like🌞

INNER ALCHEMY🔻🧡

balancing logic and emotions – Gold Historian (Raphael Holinshed)

speaking with conviction – Priestess of Love

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spacesapphi · 4 months ago

Text

There's Always Time

WAOW uploading my first Stardew fic, surrounding mostly Marnie this time!

Synopsis: Today's the day Marnie decides she'll get Lewis to go public with their relationship. She's determined to let nothing get her down, but the day seems to have other plans for her. Perhaps a certain adventure can remind her of the good in life

Word count: 8,412

CW for mentions of a previous death and drinking

Story below the cut!

Important note! A few parts of this fic have Pennsylvania Dutch words written in it, so I have a small translation section up here. Keep in mind that I am fairly a beginner at the language and doing my best grammatically given the few resources that exist 🙏

Distelfink- a folk art symbol of a bird that represents happiness and fortune

Aendi - Auntie

“Ach, schlecht exempel” - Ugh, bad example

Schatz- treasure/dear, used often by parents towards their kids

“lieb dehr beed” - love you both

Gottverdam - damn it!

zwieschpalt- troublemaker

onto the fic!

Mondays were supposed to be a calm day off for Marnie, a day where she had time to herself, things to look forward to besides her normal chores. Jas would be at school, Shane at work, and she would be able to bask in the peace and quiet. Usually she’d take time to work on her quilting, or go chat with the women in town at Pierre’s, pretending to shop as they gossipped. This Monday was special, however. She had a date with Lewis tonight, and she had a very important question for him.

It seemed every person and creature in this household had other ideas for this particular morning, however. She had been woken up at 7 am to the sound of a disagreement brewing in the kitchen, a sour start to her morning.

“Jas you need to put your shoes on, now.”

“But I wanna go say hi to the cows before we go! Pleaaaaaase!”

“We’re already about to be late for school and work, kiddo, we don’t have time.”

“I always say hi, they're going to be sad if I don't!”

“And I'm going to be sad if I get fired, let's go.”

“PLEASE.”

“No.”

Her nephew’s exasperated voice permeated through the door. This scene wasn’t too uncommon for their household. Jas liked an exact routine for each morning; get dressed, eat, say hi to the animals, then leave for school. She wanted it to be exact and punctual each day, but there were many days that threw a wrench in the schedule. Now that it was thrown off, the young girl immediately was put in a mood, and that was putting Shane in a mood as well.

“Yoba I’m too hungover for this” he thought to himself, pinching the bridge of his nose as he took a deep sigh, “Look, Jas, if I bring home a treat for you today, will you get your shoes on?”

The young girl thought for a moment before nodding, running off to her room to grab her little mary jane shoes. Shane gave a small sigh of relief, not having the energy or willpower to battle with her any longer.

“Ach, schlecht exempel… You shouldn’t give in like that.” Marnie scolded, walking to stand next to him, “It’ll spoil her.”

“You win some, you lose some, and I’m already losing the battle with my patience.” her nephew groaned, “I’m willing to get her a snack if it means she gets to school on time, and I get to work on time.”

Marnie opened her mouth to speak, a lecture already brewing up in her head, but she stopped herself. He was in no mood to receive advice from her, especially parenting advice, and she didn’t need more bickering this early.

“Okay, okay…” she pursed her lips for just a moment, “You remembered to fix the cabinet by the way, right? I wanted to get it decorated today.”

“Yeah, yeah I think I did,” he shrugged.

"You think you did, or you did do it?" Marnie raised a brow.

Shane thought long and hard. The last few days were a blur, but he believed he had a memory of doing it. After a few seconds he nodded, "Yeah... I did, don't worry," he gave her a brief smile, keeping a hand on his throbbing forehead. He was beginning to regret the previous night.

“Are you hungover again?” Marnie asked exasperatedly, “You can’t keep doing this to yourself, schatz.”

“I don’t want to talk about this again, please?” he grumbled defensively.

“This is the third day in a row, I’m wor-”

“Please stop.” Shane looked at her with an expression halfway between embarrassment and annoyance. He knew he had a problem and Marnie was only looking out for him, but it didn’t make him feel any less shitty about it, “Sorry.. I’m sorry.”

His aunt nodded slowly in acknowledgement, looking fairly frustrated herself, “Listen, I’m going to be heading out as soon as you get home, so you need to be here with Jas,” she changed the subject.

Shane raised a brow, “Where are you going?”

“If you must know, I’m meeting a special someone for a date,” a tint of blush appeared on her cheeks.

“Aendi I know it’s Lewis.”

Marnie’s face went white, “Is it that obvious?”

Shane winced uncomfortably, giving her a slow nod. Marnie and Lewis' relationship had to be the worst kept secret in town. The pair pretended like no one knew, but nearly everyone was acutely aware of the couple. It was almost a game amongst some of the townsfolk betting on when they would finally crack and admit it.

“I'm ready to go now...”, Jas stepped back into the room, fully ready for the day. A pout sat on her face, the girl still obviously very upset about the change in routine. Shane looked at his watch, huffing in annoyance, “Ohhhh Morris is gonna fuckin’ kill me.”

“Language.” Marnie warned, lightly hitting his arm.

Shane huffed and motioned to the door exaggeratedly, “Alright kiddo, we gotta run let’s go.”

“Remember, come straight home after work!,” Marnie called out, “No saloon.”

“Yeah, I get it.” Shane mumbled, feeling just a bit offended, “I can go a night without being there, you know,”

“Just a reminder,” she said, “I’ll see you two soon, lieb dehr beed!”

The pair gave her a wave as they ran off, racing against the clock to get where they needed to be. Finally, Marnie had the house all to herself. No disagreements, no problems, just her and the ranch. There were chores to do of course, such was life, but she didn’t mind them all that much. Nothing was going to keep her down, because tonight would be the night her life was going to change, and for the better this time. Tonight, she was going to tell Lewis they were going public about their relationship.

She smiled at herself in the vanity mirror in the foyer, fixing her hair into her signature braid. She felt confident, she felt good! After tonight she wouldn’t be Lewis’ little secret. She was going to be able to hold his hand in the town square, waltz with him at the Flower Dance, openly go on dates at the saloon. Just the thought of it made her heart soar. Nothing could ruin her mood.

That was, until she stepped into the kitchen. It was a complete disaster. Remnants of Shane’s 2 am freezer raid and mess from the breakfast he made for Jas littered just about every counter and surface. Cans next to the recycling bin, a frozen pizza box haphazardly teetering on top of the microwave, dishes stacked on the stove, table and counters. From being in such a rush he had neglected cleaning the scene, leaving it to Marnie instead.

“He’s doing his best… he’s trying… I have to give him that.” she thought to herself, holding her head in her hands. She waited for the tight feeling in her chest to dissipate before taking a deep breath to ground herself. It was just a little bump in the road, an obstacle she could easily tackle.

“Nothing is going to get you down. You got this, Marnie,” she reminded herself. She just thought of Lewis, of their rendezvous tonight, and she felt just a bit lighter.

It didn’t take too long to clean up, she thanked Yoba for that. Didn’t make it any less frustrating, but she pushed those thoughts to the back of her mind for now. There was no time for her to feel bad, she couldn't allow herself. As long as she had been running the ranch, she had been seen as a beacon of positivity in town. It was a hefty title to carry, a draining one even, but if she just kept smiling, life would go by just fine.

She didn’t want to ruin the kitchen she had just so perfectly cleaned, so she just threw a frozen breakfast sandwich in the microwave, leaning against the counter as she waited for the timer to go down. Looking to the old clock on the wall, she tsked seeing the time. It was already half past 8, the morning flying by in the blink of an eye. She had so much she wanted to do before meeting with Lewis tonight, and she wasn’t sure she’d have the time for it all. Cleaning the coop, working on her quilt, and decorating that curio cabinet in the foyer. Only three tasks, but time consuming ones. She removed the sandwich from the microwave, blowing on it before tearing into it as she arranged the schedule in her mind. The coop would likely take the longest, and it was a priority. Best to get it done early before it got too warm.

The coop was loud and lively, the hens strutting around impatiently as they waited for Marnie to open the little hatch that led them out to their field. Donning her work gloves and boots, the woman waded her way carefully through the flock and unlatched the hatch, watching amusedly as the chickens ran on out to bask in the yard. It never got old, seeing them get so excited like that. She grabbed the pitchfork from its hook on the wall and gripped it tight. Time to get this done with.

As she scraped up the old straw from the ground, Marnie let her mind wander, imagining the evening ahead of her in great detail. She could practically feel it, sitting with Lewis at his table alone in the candlelight as they talked about their future. Marnie would suggest they finally tell the whole world about their love for each other, abandoning all worries. They could get married, have a beautiful ceremony in the middle of town for everyone to see. She had her mothers wedding dress somewhere stuffed in a hope chest, a beautiful gown any woman would feel like a princess in on her special day. She could feel her heart swell with childlike glee as she thought on it more. Today was the day, and she couldn’t be more excited.

A shrill squawking from the yard broke her from her frilly daydream, one that she knew meant trouble. Throwing down her pitchfork she shuffled her way through the hatch door, catching a view of one of the hens squeezing through a gap in the chicken wire, running off into the forest with reckless abandon.

“Mathilde! Come back here!” she called out, “Gottverdam!” she vaulted herself over the fence, immediately regretting the decision as she felt her body ache. She wasn’t young enough to be able to pull stunts like that anymore.

The little brown hen was much faster than her, darting in and out of trees as Marnie chased after her. The tricky thing was an escape artist, and she had no idea what danger waited out there for her. Wolves, coyotes, bears, all creatures who wouldn’t think twice about eating her up. Marnie didn’t want to run into them either, knowing full well she couldn't fend them off. Why did everything have to be so difficult today? Was it some bad luck day where “the spirits were displeased” as the farmer always put it? Whatever, that wasn’t important. What was important was finding Mathilde before something else did.

She could hear the hens soft clucks, but had no idea where they were coming from. The forest tended to have an echo to it that made noises carry. She tsked and called out for her once again, hoping Mathilde would run to the sound of her voice. Suddenly, the clucks turned into panicked squawks, sending a shiver down Marnie’s spine. She could finally tell where the noise was coming from, just a few feet away over in the clearing beyond the brush. She picked up a hefty stick, prepared to fight whatever creature had gotten to her poor little hen. Running towards the source of the sound, she held the stick over her head, preparing to lunge.

From behind the brush, a man stepped out, holding the hen in his arms. His face contorted in terror as he saw Marnie lunge towards him, dodging out of the way before he got lobbed in the head with the stick. The rancher yelped, stumbling back as soon she registered that he wasn't a wild animal.

“I’m so sorry! I thought you were an animal.” she apologized profusely. She dropped the stick, taking a good look at him. Shaggy gray hair hung in front of his wrinkled face, a patch over his left eye. A bulky cape hung from his shoulders, shrouding his frame in mystery, the silvery glint of a sword sitting at his waist. Her eyes widened as she recognized him.

“Marlon! Oh I’m so sorry!”

The man chuckled, “It’s quite alright, ma’am.” he held out his arms, Mathilde resting in his hands, “I take it this one is yours?”

“Yes! Thank you so much, really,” she took the chicken in her arms, scolding her like a child, “You zwieschpalt, don’t do that to me! What if this nice man hadn’t found you?”

The chicken just stared at her with blank eyes, obviously not understanding the danger of her escapade. All she knew was she wanted to run around and play, and there was a whole forest in front of her! Marnie held her close to her chest and smiled, looking up at the mysterious man, “What brings you down to the forest today? I don’t see you near town unless we’re having a festival.”

“The new farmer reported seeing some creatures around here, monsters from the damned mines who got bold and decided to take a chance out of the caverns.” Marlon sighed, “No matter how many times we slay them they just keep coming back.”

Marnie raised a brow, “I haven’t seen any monsters,”

Marlon put a hand on his sword's hilt, a small smile on his face, “Then I’ve done my job well… I must be going now lass, but it was good to see you again.”

“Oh…” Marnie frowned in disappointment, “I’ll see you at the fair next week though, right? I can’t wait to show you what I’ve been working on!”

“Aye, you will. Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Marlon gave her a short salute, “Take care, Ms.Yoder.”

The man walked off, his mysterious aura still captivating the rancher. She held Mathilde closer and whispered, “He’s handsome, don't you think?.... Don’t tell Lewis,” the hen bawked in response, getting a small smile from her owner, “Let’s get you home.”

Walking briskly back to the ranch, she was thankful that seemingly none of the other hens had squeezed their way through that little gap. Hauling herself over the fence, Marnie placed the hen back down in the pen, watching her run off to her little flock of friends, squawking away as if she was telling them all about her escapade. The rancher reached into her pocket, pulling out a fabric scrap and looping it through the chicken wire, tightening the part that split. It was a temporary hold for sure, but hopefully would ward off the hens from getting bold again until she had the material to properly fix it. If Marlon was right about monsters coming down to the forest, she didn’t want to have to go run after one of them again.

Going back to finish cleaning the coop took quite a bit of time, but Marnie was proud of her work. The enclosure smelled fresh and clean, fresh soft straw laid down on the ground for the hens to roost in. She herself wasn’t exactly the cleanest after finishing though. Sweat from the heat clung to her skin, stray pieces of straw sticking to her hair and clothes. She checked the little watch on her wrist, 1:00pm. She had just enough time to get ready and work on the curio cabinet before her date with Lewis. She hated pushing off the quilt work again, just itching to pick up sewing again, but it would just have to wait for now. Such was life.

But oh, how fun it was getting ready. Marnie felt just like those princesses in those movies Jas loved to watch, dancing around as she donned her favorite dress, mind full of thoughts of her “one true love”. She decided on a nice, purple gown for tonight, sewn in a similar cut to her everyday wear, but much more lavish. The fabric was soft and high-end, detailed embroidery along the bodice and skirt's hem. A silk shawl was wrapped around her shoulders, pinned in place with a brooch she’d gotten from her mother. A little distelfink was painted on the front of its opaline surface, a prized possession she hoped would bring her luck and new beginnings this evening. In the spirit of doing something new, she decided to keep her hair down, finding she loved how it framed her round face. Hopefully Lewis loved it too.

She felt beautiful, like a new woman. The stressors of today were the last thing on her mind, and oh how glad she was for that. A life that was simple meant that many days she had nothing more to do than stew on what had happened. Maybe that all would change too. With being in the public eye, maybe she could have more say in town, have more to do, places to go. She loved her family and her ranch, but she wanted, needed, more. And Lewis would provide that for her, she knew he would.

It was 5:30 now. Marnie had time for just one more thing before she had to get going. She looked to the little hope chest that sat at the foot of her bed and grabbed a heavy box from the bottom, full of old trinkets and heirlooms. Little porcelain statuettes, vases, and even some jewelry. But the most important piece of all was the music box that lay at the bottom. Marnie gently grasped it, removing the cloth the protected its fragile form and taking a good look at it for the first time in years. Upon a pedestal with a turnkey stood a glass statue of a dancer dressed as if she were at a ball, arms held out wide in a pose of triumph. The name “Mona'' was inscribed in gold lettering at her feet, a name that made Marnie’s heart ache.

It had been 27 years since she had passed now. She still missed her sister dearly, and cherished every last bit of her memory that remained; family photos, Shane, and this music box. Putting it out on display had been an idea for some time now, but only recently did she have the heart to pull it from storage. It was difficult seeing reminders of her even after so long, but it was time to confront this feeling again. The birthday they shared was coming up, and it would be nice to have something of hers in the main room. It would be the center of attention, the centerpiece on the middle shelf that caught everyone's eye. Ever so carefully, she placed it on the shelf, hearing the soft clink of porcelain against the wood. Removing her hands, she stood back to take a look at it, a small smile on her face. The cabinet was beautiful, fitting in perfectly with the decor of the foyer. It made the counter area look homier too. This is exactly what she needed to finish off the day.

But then, the shelf slipped. The support hadn't been placed as promised, causing the wood to crack under the weight of the heirloom. Without time to react, the antique slipped and crashed onto the floor, shattering on impact. It took her a moment to process, a sick feeling in her stomach when she saw the dancer in pieces, an echo of the music box components ringing out discordantly. All she could do was stare, hands shaking as a silent rage built up inside of her. The frustration that was pent up in the back of her mind burst from its confines, making her dizzy with anger. Why couldn’t one thing go right today? Why couldn’t she just have a simple, peaceful morning, why couldn’t she trust her nephew to fix something so simple? She knew it wasn’t out of malice, rather forgetfulness, but somehow that made her feel worse.

The rage was quickly joined by a heavy weight of sadness, pulling Marnie to her knees as she looked at the scene in front of her. Shaking hands picked up the shattered porcelain pieces in front of her, careful to not cut herself on the sharp edges. She wanted to cry, to scream, but she couldn't. Something in her mind stopped her, as much as her heart begged her to. Scooping the broken pieces into her arms, holding it close to her heart, she stood and placed them on her shop counter. She felt sick to her stomach.

The front door swung open, the sounds of laughter flooding through the front doorway. Shane walked in, looking much better than this morning, with Jas sitting on his shoulders. She held the previously promised treat in her hand, a little pastry that her godfather had “borrowed” from the backroom at work. She was chattering away about some new book Penny had her reading at lessons, and Shane contentedly listening to her rambles. He lifted her off his shoulders, placing her gingerly on the ground, “Alright chickadee, why don’t you go say hi to the cows now? I’m sure they missed you today.”

Jas nodded excitedly, running off towards the kitchen door that led to the animal housing. Her giggles echoed out as she closed the door, her ever-so-loud voice still audible through the walls as she greeted the animals. Shane smirked and shook his head, turning to his aunt. He held up a little takeout bag with the saloon logo, “Hey Marn, I got dinner handled for me n’ Jas tonight. If you need to go now we’re fine.”

“I thought you said you fixed this.”

Marnie didn’t so much as turn to face him, her voice uncharacteristically ice cold. It sent a shiver down her nephew's spine, his smile dropping into a concerned expression, knowing he screwed up, just not how. He looked over to where Marnie was facing, seeing the collapsed shelf of the curio cabinet and tiny glass shards on the floor. Oh shit. He thought he had fixed that already, he truly did.

“Aunt Marnie I’m so-”

Marnie held up a hand, cutting him off, “I don’t want to hear it.” she turned to face the doorway, still refusing to look him in the eye, “I’ll be home late tonight. Leave the door unlocked for me.”

She stepped out without another word, refusing to look him in the eye. Shane was left alone in the foyer with a heavy guilt sitting in his stomach. With Marnie gone he could see the mess on the counter, approaching it to see what had broken. The first thing he saw was his mother's name. The guilt sat heavier, a sick feeling accompanying it. He didn’t know her for all that long, Mona had died when he was barely old enough to remember her, but he knew how much she meant to his aunt. And now, another act of his forgetfulness had destroyed something of hers. He felt like shit, and he knew Marnie deserved to be angry with him. Hell, he was angry with himself. What a mess he was making of things. He thought back on the entire day, cringing as he realized just how badly he had messed up. His attitude this morning, the mess in the kitchen, and now this. He had to make it up to her, he just had to.

Jas stepped back inside, not initially noticing the mess, “I’m back! I told Bertie aaaaall about today, she’s such a good listener!”

“Watch out for the glass!” he warned, pulling her away from the cabinet. Damn, he needed to sweep that up.

“What happened?” she asked, confused at the sight before her.

Shane peeked into the kitchen, grabbing the broom and dustpan off the hook on the wall, “I made a mistake, but I’m gonna make it up to Aunt Marnie. Wanna help?”

“Yeah!”

—------

“You’re going to have a good night… Don’t let this steal your joy.” Marnie whispered a little affirmation to herself as she approached the steps to Lewis’ home. It did little to ease her heart, but she needed to stay positive, at least appear positive. That’s what Lewis loved so much about her anyways, her ability to always be such a sunbeam even in the hardest of times.

The front door swung open with a creak, the mayor she loved standing in the doorway. Lewis was dressed in his favorite attire, brown suspenders and a deep green dress shirt, but Marnie thought it looked lovely. The mayor looked to the left and right, as if to check that no-one was watching. Once he saw that the coast was clear, he pulled her inside, wrapping her in a tight embrace.

“How are you doing, dear?” he whispered, kissing her cheek softly. Marnie smiled, letting out a small laugh as she leaned into the crook of his neck, “Better now that I’m with you.”

Lewis grinned, eyes crinkling up in the corners, “That’s good to hear…” he motioned to his dining room table, now decorated with candles and a lace tablecloth, “Why don’t you sit, I made your favorite tonight.”

All the anger and frustration was quickly returned to the back of Marnie’s mind. None of it mattered now that she was in Lewis’ arms. For now, there were no troubles here. Lewis indeed made her favorite, a hearty farmers lunch. It was a simple dish, but one that had many good memories attached to it. Just the smell transported her back to a simpler time, a time when everything was right in the world.

The couple made small talk, speaking about the town, all the hot gossip that had been spreading around. Pelican Town looked like a sleepy little village from the outside, but one would never guess how much drama was unfolding behind closed doors. Everyone had something going on, and with such a tight knit community that meant everyone knew about everything. The conversation switched to Lewis’ day. Not much interesting going on with him, he was afraid. He gardened, took a walk around town, and spoke with the new farmer in the town square about a secret little quest he had asked help with, but that was about it.

“ Nothing wrong with a simple day!” Marnie mused, taking a sip of her drink, “Sounds peaceful.”

“I guess it was,” Lewis chuckled, “How about you? What has my angel been doing today?”

“Oh you know, the usual. Cleaning, tending to the animals, decorating. Wasn’t much more exciting than your day, unfortunately.” the voice in the back of her head gnawed at her, begging her to be open about what had truly been going on. Against her better judgment, she listened, “Actually, maybe that’s not entirely true.”

“Hmm?”

“I… had a hard day actually.” she mumbled, “There was a spat this morning, one of the chickens got out, and-”

Lewis put up a hand, cutting her off, “Don’t you worry about all of that dear, just focus on the positives.”

“But-”

“Marnie, dear,” Lewis put a hand on hers, “It doesn’t help to dwell on the negative. We’re here now, we’re having a good time. Let’s look to the future.”

Marnie pursed her lips, pulling her hand away slightly. Lewis was never someone who enjoyed talking about serious things, and she understood, but it didn’t make it hurt any less. Maybe he was right though, maybe she needed to focus towards the future.

“Well….” she began, folding her hands neatly, “I’ve been thinking recently.”

Lewis raised a brow, “About what?”

“About us.”

“What about us?”

Marnie sighed, taking a deep breath. Here goes nothing, “I want to make our relationship public!”

She looked to her lover with a hopeful smile, scanning his face to see what he was thinking. Lewis didn’t look impressed with the idea, quite the opposite really. He sighed and put a hand to his head, “Marnie…. No.”

“What do you mean no?” Marnie felt her voice grow defensive, a tightness in her chest, “Lewis we’ve been dating for 3 years now and you refuse to tell anyone!”

“You know I can’t!” Lewis scoffed, “I have a reputation to uphold in this town, an image to maintain. What would people say if they knew about us?”

The sentence stuck a dagger in Marnie’s chest, the heartbreak obvious on her face. Lewis stammered, holding up a hand, “Wh-what I mean is-”

“Are you embarrassed of me?” Marnie warbled, feeling tears form in her eyes.

“Marnie, please-”

“NO, Lewis.” the woman stood up, lunging across the table to get closer to his face, ��Why would telling people about us hurt your reputation? Why would I ruin your image?!”

The mayor tripped over his words, trying to find a way to say what he wanted without getting her angrier, “I just meant that people may look at me differently if I tell them about us! You understand, don’t you? The mayor of Pelican Town with a rancher? What would people say?”

“I don’t know, maybe they’ll say they’re happy for us? Maybe our friends will celebrate?” Marnie snapped, “Are you embarrassed about my job? I make a good and honest living, Lewis. I’ve carried my family’s farm on my back alone for decades!”

“And I’ve carried this entire town on mine!” he snapped back.

“Please, I know all about what you actually do: Nothing!” Marnie hissed, “Ever since you became mayor this town has gotten worse! The community center is gone, Joja is ruining the small businesses, the bus is still broken! The only reason anything gets done around here is because the new farmer is pitching in! That’s your job Lewis, not hers!”

Lewis stood from his seat, slamming the chair angrily into place, “How dare you. After all I’ve done for you and your family... If it weren’t for me inviting Joja to this town, your layabout of a nephew would be jobless and still in debt!”

“You don’t get to talk about him like that!” Marnie barked. As much as she got frustrated with Shane, she never tolerated anyone speaking ill of him, even Lewis, “I don’t want to ever hear you talk about my family that way again.”

Lewis threw his arms up in exasperation, “Where is this coming from?! You’ve never acted like this, this isn’t you.”

“Well maybe it is! You never let me talk about these things! I’m so tired of acting happy all the time, Lewis…” she paused to catch her breath, holding her head in her hands, “I’m tired of all of this. You get so upset with me when I try to talk about my problems. “Just focus on the positives!” , well maybe I don’t want to! Maybe I’m sad, an-and I need help, because I don’t know what to do anymore!”

She finally broke out into sobs, letting the sadness take over for the first time, “I’m the only one keeping my family together, Lew. If I were gone tomorrow, everything would fall apart. I can’t keep being the only person who has it together and I’m so tired of doing it by myself.”

“You aren’t doing it by yourself, you have me.”

“Do I?” Marnie snapped.

There was a tense silence for a moment, Lewis just staring at her with such shock. Marnie had never cried in front of him before, never spoken against him. He didn’t even know what to say. All Marnie wanted was for him to comfort her, for him to take her in his arms, to tell her he was there for her. She needed someone to finally let her be free.

“I’m sorry you feel like I’m such a terrible person.” Lewis’ voice dripped with contempt, “I’m trying Marnie, but you can’t just throw all of this onto me with no warning. That's not fair.”

Marnie looked up, staring at him with puffy, tear filled eyes. Did she just hear him correctly? Her face contorted to one of anger, arms falling to her side, hands balling into fists. How could he say that to her, like she was the one who was the problem. Lewis approached her, holding his arms out like he was ready for an embrace.

“But it will be okay, Marnie. I love you, I want to be with you.” he hugged her, but Marnie wouldn’t return it. She stood still as a statue in his arms, rage undeniable.

“I forgive you too, Marnie. Why don't we just try to talk about something nice, hmm?”

The rancher pushed Lewis away, staring at him in disbelief. She didn’t have the words to describe how betrayed she felt right now. Lewis had the audacity to look confused, as if he had no clue why she’d be so upset with him.

“I… I need to go.” she choked out, shaking her head slowly. Lewis groaned, “Marnie stop, we can still have a good night.”

“No.” she hissed, putting a hand on the front door handle, “I’m leaving.”

“Marnie!”

“What?!”

“Go through the kitchen window. I don’t want someone to see you and get ideas.”

Marnie opened the door, giving him one last look, one full of anger and exhaustion, “Goodbye, Lewis.”

She couldn’t be at the mayor's manor, she couldn’t be home, and she wouldn’t be able to handle the saloon. Marnie felt like she didn’t belong anywhere right now, and maybe she didn’t. She felt free, finally letting her feelings be known, but that freedom had a price, and that price was finding out how alone she really was. Lewis’ words and reaction stuck with her, infecting her mind and making it spin. She didn’t know who to trust anymore, the person she thought she could trust with her life completely broke her heart. Was she really that shameful? What was so wrong with her that she’d ruin his reputation? She stormed off into the mountains, the brisk autumn evening breeze frigid against her cheeks. She was thankful that she dressed warm.

The mountain lake was always beautiful at night. The valley didn’t have the light pollution of the city, meaning stars were visible as far as the eye could see, reflecting onto the water’s surface. Sitting under the oak by the lake’s edge on her own, she curled her knees close to her chest, letting herself cry once more. It was a quiet, mournful sob, a heart-wrenching symphony of every horrible thing that had piled up since Yoba knew how long. Marnie had tricked herself into believing she was happy for so long, using every distraction she could to block herself from seeing how terrible things were. They didn’t work anymore though.

“Fancy seeing you again.”

Marnie snapped her head up to see the source of the voice, finding herself once again staring face to face with the leader of the elusive Adventurers Guild. She wiped her tears, and sniffled, “Marlon? I’m sorry, I hope I’m not causing any trouble.”

The man sat next to her, shaking his head, “On the contrary. I don’t mind your company.” he pulled a handkerchief from his pocket, holding it towards her, “Though, if you’re not in the mood for it, I can leave.”

Marnie scoffed, a bitter smile on her face, “Thanks. Not many people seem to care what I want around here.” she took the handkerchief, dabbing at the corners of her eyes, “It’s been… a terrible day.”

“Would… you like to talk about it?” Marlon asked awkwardly, “I know we’re not awfully close, but I’ve never been one to turn down a story.”

“Well..,” Marnie started, “My family is a mess, one of the chickens escaped, I broke an heirloom… and….” she buried her head in her knees, “And the man I thought I loved doesn’t love me...”

She began to cry again, not even caring that Marlon was watching. The adventurer sat quietly, nervously putting a hand on her shoulder as a quiet signal to let her know he was listening. The rancher sniffled and looked to him, “You must think I’m a baby for being this upset over it. There’s people dying in combat right now and here I am crying about this.”

“You’re not a baby.” Marlon affirmed, his voice gentle and genuine, “You wouldn’t say that about anyone else in your shoes, would you not?”

“Well… no.”

“Then why are you so hard on yourself?”

“Because I’m supposed to be the one who has everything together!” Marnie growled out, “Everyone always looks to me as someone to lean on. Lewis, Shane, Jas, everyone, they need me. I can’t sit here crying like this over one bad day. I have to be there for them.”

“But then who’s there for you?” Marlon questioned. It seemed to throw Marnie off, her expression just a bit surprised.

“No one, I suppose.” she mumbled, “I guess that’s a sacrifice I’ve accepted. It’s life, you know?”

“No, I don’t. You can’t just be out there on your own, lass. You need someone who cares for what you need and want.”

“I don’t even think I know what I want anymore... I don't want this but what can I do? My life’s already set out for me; not like I can change it.” Marnie mumbled.

“It’s never too late to make a change, to be happy.” Marlon stated, “There’s always time,”

The rancher laughed softly, “You think so?” Marlon nodded in response.

Looking up to the sky, Marines eyes softened, “Well... I always wanted to be an artist. I went to school for it actually, textile arts.”

“Is that so?” Marlon smiled, leaning back against the tree behind them, “You’re such a natural with animals, I didn’t take you for that type.”

“Ranching is nice, but it was never my dream. Trust me, I love the animals, but that was more my sister’s passion.” Marnie’s face grew solemn, “When… our parents passed, she took over the ranch so I could pursue my dream. I was doing so well, I had a good job in the city already lined up for once I was out.” she took a deep breath, “Mona died the year I graduated, left the business and Shane behind. We don’t really have anyone else, so I had to turn down the job and come home.”

She turned to face Marlon, surprised to see his normally solemn face full of pity. Shaking her head, she turned away, feeling almost embarrassed, “I don’t know why I’m telling you this, I’m sorry. Mona’s just been on my mind recently and Lewis doesn’t like when I talk about it.”

“Lewis? Is that the man you were talking about earlier?” Marlon felt an odd twinge of jealousy in him, “I never thought you two were… on those terms.”

“Well not anymore!.... Maybe… I don’t know,” Marnie scoffed angrily, “Apparently dating a rancher would look bad on someone so important as our mayor. He tried making me climb out of his window because he was too embarrassed to have me seen leaving.”

“Why do you put up with this?”

“Well why do you ask so many questions?”

“I… don’t know.”

“I guess I don’t know either.”

The two sat in silence for a moment, neither certain how to continue the conversation. Marlon had gone from knowing little about Marnie to knowing what she had barely discussed with her own lover within a night. He never knew there was so much to her, their conversations at festivals never piercing past the surface of small talk. But now, all he wanted was to be closer to her.

“I think you should try pursuing your dream. again” he finally said, staring off towards the lake, “You’ll regret it if you don’t.”

Marnie shook her head, “Oh, I couldn’t leave the animals behind, or the business. It’s been in my family so long… And my nephew, bless his soul, he’s not ready for that responsibility. He won't admit it, but I see how his eyes light up when he does work around the ranch... Still, I know he’d have a hard time on his own. I’d be selfish to leave.”

“Then teach him how to do it and follow your own dream. Don’t you think you deserve to be a little selfish? Even once?”

Marnie chuckled, shaking her head, “It’s a bit too late for that, don’t you think?”

“No… Better to follow your dreams late than to let them die.” he let out a laugh, “Hell, Gil and I didn’t even start adventuring until we started going gray ourselves. As long as you’re still in this world, you have time.”

“Why are you being so nice to me?” Marnie questioned. It was almost suspicious how kind he was being. She wasn’t used to this, “What do you get out of this?”

“Nothing. I just want to be nice to you.”

A strange feeling came over her, almost a feeling of... love? It was true, she didn’t know Marlon that well. Besides the short conversations they had every once in a while, he was a mystery to her. But he was kind to her without any expectations in return, and he spoke to her like she was a person. He didn’t shy away when she showed emotion or encourage her to ‘just be happy’. It was nice. He was a good man, a kind man. With him, she felt seen in a way she never did with Lewis.

Slowly, she leaned her head against his shoulder, the poor man feeling his heart beat out of his chest. He had always loved Marnie from afar, but never spoke more than a few words to her before tonight. And now, she was confiding in him as if they had been close friends all their lives, sitting with him while they looked at the stars. He felt like the luckiest man in Pelican Town. They basked in the comfortable silence between them, Marlon slowly sliding his hand along the ground to reach Marnie’s. Feeling his touch, she moved to meet him as well, interlocking their fingers. It was just them, the lake, and the stars. No one else existed to them in the moment, and for once today, Marnie was truly at peace.

“You look beautiful tonight, you know,” Marlon finally admitted. Marnie lifted her head from his shoulder, looking at him with surprise. A tint of blush crept up the guildmaster’s face,” You always do...”

“Marlon…”

“Please, let me finish.” Marlon clasped her hand between his, squeezing gently as he looked at her with longing, “Marnie… I don’t care for many of the festivals in this town, but I always go for a chance just to see you. I make up reasons to go into town, since there’s a chance I may be able to say hello. You are the most beautiful woman in this town, this world, and anyone would be so lucky to have you in their life.”

He paused, waiting for a moment to see her reaction. He half expected her to run off, finding his confession offputting. But she didn’t. She just stared at him, the same longing in her eyes, silently begging him to continue.

“You deserve to have someone that looks out for you. I want to be that someone and I’ve wanted it for so long... I need you to know that. I apologize if it’s made you uncomfortable.”

“...Quite the opposite, really,” Marnie whispered, leaning in closer, “I think I’d like to know you better, Marlon.”

“As do I,”

Closing their eyes, they moved forward, lips gently pressing against each other. Marnie felt something now she had never felt with Lewis, a feeling she couldn’t exactly place. There was always the thrill of secrecy with the mayor, the feeling of the forbidden that made the adrenaline flow when they kissed. But Marlon made her feel safe. Being with him in this moment was soothing, warm. Her heart was racing, but for entirely different reasons now, good reasons.

The pair pulled back, unable to look each other in the eye from how flustered they had gotten. Marnie toyed with her hair, rubbing strands between her fingers nervously, “Can I see you again tomorrow?”

Marlon cupped a hand to her face, brushing his thumb against her cheek, “You are always welcome at the guild… Stop by at 7 tomorrow night.”

“It’s a date,” Marnie smiled. She stood up, brushing stray grass and leaves from her skirt, “I have a long walk home, I should get going.”

“I can come with you,” Marlon offered, “The mountains get dangerous at night, all sorts of creatures crawling out of the mines looking for a poor soul to follow.”

Marnie gave him a playful jab in the side, “Oh stop it, you’re not scaring me… a walk home does sound nice, though.”

Marlon smiled, holding out a bent arm for her to hold onto, leading her down the mountain. The feeling of the unknown that had been around them for so long was gone. They knew each other for such little time, but Marnie felt like she could tell him anything, as did Marlon. He told her all about his escapades in the mines, the monsters he faced and wild tall tales of his brushes with death down in those depths. She wasn’t sure how much of it was true or a legend, but she was entirely enthralled. The cadence of his storytelling voice, the excitement with which he spoke, it made her feel alive in a way that she never felt alive before. She’d grown so used to the same old stories; weeding the garden, standing in town square, visiting the local businesses. There was nothing wrong with a simple life, but this is what she wanted, no, needed more than anything. She needed someone who could excite and surprise her, and someone who listened.

It was near midnight by the time they reached the ranch. The moon was at its peak over the mountaintops, soft sounds of crickets chirping in the bushes. The lamp next to the door was lit, the soft yellow glow encircling the pair in angelic light as they said their goodbyes.

“I’m glad you found me again.” Marnie mused, taking his hands in hers, “Thank you, for everything.”

“Anything for you,” he responded, giving her hand a gentle kiss, “Have a goodnight, Marnie.”

The two parted ways, Marnie stepping softly through the door of her home, shutting it softly as to not wake Jas. The overhead lights in the foyer were on, buzzing softly. It initially frustrated her. Shane always forgot to turn them off before going to sleep, making for an expensive electric bill, and she wasn’t exactly made of money. But something caught her eye. The curio cabinet was polished and cleaned to near perfection, as was the once dusty floor. The glass shards that she had left behind were nowhere to be seen, only her own shiny reflection.

But most importantly was what was inside the cabinet. The middle shelf had been properly fixed, a support anchor screwed in beneath it. On top was Mona’s music box, glued together the best it could be. There were little gaps here and there, chips on the paint, but it was whole again. She gently picked it up, rubbing her thumb over the name on the pedestal. A little piece of paper, a note, sat next to it. Scrawly letters in Shane’s handwriting were scribbled on the front in pencil. She picked it up, squinting to read :

“I’m sorry about the mess I caused. It’s not fair to you. You’ve done a lot for me and Jas and I wanted to show I actually appreciate it. It’s not perfect, but we tried to get it fixed up.

I know I screwed up today. I’ve screwed up a lot recently. But I want to be better for you and Jas, and I hope you can forgive me for everything.

-Shane”

Marnie looked to the direction of her nephew's room, smiling softly. It was gestures like these that reminded her of just how sweet he was. Shane wasn’t all that different from her really, and she understood just how easy it was to fall into the habits and behaviors he had picked up. She tried to be patient, give him the time and support he needed, the same that she needed when she was in his place 27 years ago. It was taking time to get back to normal, or something close to it, but these moments made her feel like things could be okay again.

Marnie gently placed the note on her shop counter, making her way into her bedroom with a small smile on her face. She turned on her nightstand lamp, sitting down on the old bed that sat flush against the wall. She pulled Marlon’s handkerchief from her pocket, rubbing a thumb over the fabric. It was a simple little square with basic stitching around the edges, the fabric a faded robins-egg blue. It meant everything to her. The initially unassuming rag was a symbol of a great change in her life, a change she never saw coming.

The adventurer had given her a new lease on life, hope that despite her situation, she could still continue to do more. Marnie could be more than just the little rancher in Cindersap forest, more than what was expected of her in this life. Lewis never made her feel this way, and she was beginning to wonder what she ever saw in that man to begin with. Perhaps it was out of desperation, out of a desire for anyone to even look her way and consider her desirable, no matter how they treated her. The bar was pitifully low, but Marlon had raised it to the stars in just one night. She could actually imagine the future she wanted with him, Lewis’ face fading from those visions. Holding hands as they strolled in town, waltzing together at the Flower Dance, and maybe even getting married. Today was a good day, she decided, just not in the way she ever expected.

She turned to look at the dial-up phone on her dresser. She had made an important decision, and it was time to let it be known. Picking up the receiver, she dialed in Lewis’ number, waiting anxiously for a response. She half hoped he’d pick up so she could hear his reaction in real time, but mostly prayed that he was asleep. Ring after ring droned out, until a prompt to leave a message started. Taking a deep breath, she spoke softly, yet firmly into the receiver.

“We’re done.”

#Holy shit i posted a fanfic #it'll be on AO3 as soon as i get an acc invite #YAHOO #marnie ur one of my favorite characters ily #fuck lewis #Stardew valley #stardew valley fanfic #Stardew valley marnie #Stardew valley marlon #sdv marnie #sdv marlon #so genuinely nervous to post this but f it we ball

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