#tonnes of mistakes in these but no time to fix them it's back to the grind

[eggsistential-breakdown]

Mira made them wear the shirt

Also trying my hand at Toby designs

[d33pd3sire-blog]

All Of Me

A criminal minds one shot, from the POV of reader.

*--*--*--*--*

This is just a short one I've had in the back of my mind for ages. It was written quickly so could be mistakes or super cringe but oh well. I needed to get it out somehow haha.

A big TW for SH, although there's nothing graphic this is all about that and the shame that comes with it sometimes.

This is kinda a self-insert, I just sometimes think about what the BAU would think. Lemme know if y'all want anything similar to this! I have tonnes of ideas :)

*--*--*--*--*

Sometimes hiding parts of yourself is necessary. At least that's what I like to tell myself as I dress for a day at the BAU. Looking at my healed, marked arms before I cover them as I do everyday. There's nothing wrong with them, in fact I can't see myself without them. Its comforting having a reminder of how I used to feel on my skin, like a constant reassurance of how far I've come. I don't usually hide them in my day to day life but the idea of my colleagues and friends finding out, however, is something I have never felt comfortable with.

Ive had my fair share of sympathetic looks and awkward conversations, its hard to forget them. Having someone knowing, and unable to take that information back is one of the main reasons why I hide them. Another is the moment things may go wrong, all eyes are on you to see if you'll break. Although I have fallen down in the past, it doesn't mean ill break every time something bad happens. Im not a broken toy in need of fixing. Im a strong, hard working member of the BAU fully capable of keeping myself safe. So, ill keep wearing my turtle necks for as long as I can, hiding myself from the people I care about.

As all of me, is too much to handle.

[cathkaesque]

if you could travel back in time, is there a specific time and place you'd want to go? assuming you'd instantly know the local language and not bring back a plague

I have a tonne of thoughts about this actually. I would go back to the 1984 miners strike, armed with all the knowledge and government documents that my bf has uncovered during his research. We both fantasise often about going back in time to fix the mistakes that happened during the 80s, in order to prevent the destruction of the world as ongoing today.

The 1984 miners' strike is one of the fundamental world turning points - it's when the ideas of resources should be used for need, rather than profit, versus the idea that resources exist to make money and should be thrown away if they don't, are explicitly tested and the latter wins out. The working class movement never recovers and the social bases of its existence are destroyed. Capital taken out of national industries is exported abroad, and Britain's economy becomes a consumerist. Fundamentally, it's this approach that has destroyed the world.

The strike was utterly winnable - Thatcher takes on each individual group of combative workers one by one (first inner city riots in 1979-80, then the steel workers in 1980, then rail workers in 1982, the miners in 1984, local government in 1985, print workers in 1986, dock workers in 1989). If all of these groups had taken unified action at once then the government would have folded - they say so themselves in their internal discussions. There were multiple opportunities for joint action - there is an attempted general strike in Wales that fails to get off the ground due to poor coordination.

The other thing as well is how close the Labour Party came to being led by Tony Benn - in the 1981 Deputy Leadership he was basically a handful of votes away from unseating right wing ballsack Dennis Healey (50.4% vs 49.6%). He could have won a leadership challenge against Foot, and definitely could have beaten Kinnock in the 1983 leadership election had his seat not been abolished in the election of that year. A Benn party would have backed the strikes, rather than tried to sabotage them like Kinnock's ilk did.

The other turning point is post strike, the transformation of the National Union of Mineworkers from a workplace union first and foremost to an organisation that represented the whole coalfield community. Women in the pit communities built an alternative welfare system in the form of Women Against Pit Closures, which provided communities with essentials as well as manning picket lines. There was a motion at NUM conference in 1985 to give WAPC branches affiliate membership, but this was defeated largely for entirely misogynistic reasons. If this had succeeded, and the NUM had invested in developing and supporting these branches rather than , they could have retained some of their political organisation post pit closure. Furthermore, this would then have given other community based movements such as the Anti-Poll Tax Leagues a model for something that could exist after the strike.

This transition, from workplace to community union, was achieved in Bolivia which went through a very similar process - the tin miners were the vanguard of the workers' movement there, and had won the nationalisation of their mines, which were all closed when the price of tin dropped in 1984. The miners kept their political traditions alive as they moved into informal work in El Alto and coca growing in Chapare, and were the base of the CSUTCB peasants union, the COR-El Alto informal workers' union, and the FEJUVE community union. These organisations were the political foundation for Evo Morales' transformation of that country. I really do feel strongly that the same could have happened in the UK - they could have provided an anchor to left wing challenges that broke through in the 2000s (Ken Livingstone's mayorship of London, George Galloway's Respect Party) which failed due to the terrible politics of the people that led them.

However, this would require me to have established myself in advance of the strike - so I would probably go back to 1979, or potentially earlier to 1968 to properly embed myself in the culture.

[news4dzhozhar]

When it comes to the Israeli-led ‘war on terror’, follow the money

It is easy to get distracted by US officials pledging to rally support for a “humanitarian pause” and reducing the number of civilian casualties in Israel’s bombardment of Gaza.

But what matters is the actions of the Biden administration, not empty platitudes. In early November, the US State Department approved a $320m sale of guided bomb kits, reportedly assisting Israel to more precisely hit targets in Gaza. According to The New York Times, “Modern militaries generally add the guidance systems on their bombs with the goal of minimizing civilian casualties, although the damage can still be devastating, especially in urban areas.”

The United Nations and every major human rights group in the world have routinely condemned Israeli actions in Gaza, along with the Hamas barbarism on October 7, and accused the Israeli army of potentially committing war crimes. Human Rights Watch has rightly called for a suspension of all weapons transfers to Israel and Hamas.

The spectre of 9/11 and the catastrophic response by the US after that fateful September day 22 years ago hangs over Israeli actions in the last month.

US President Joe Biden, in remarks in Israel on October 18, said, “After 9/11, we were enraged in the United States. And while we sought justice and got justice, we also made mistakes.”

Calling some US actions after 9/11 “mistakes” is the height of imperial arrogance. During the Bush administration and beyond, inarguably the most destructive US presidency in the 21st century, there was a worldwide torture campaign, the creation and expansion of the detention centre in Guantanamo Bay, the illegal invasion of Iraq, the use of black sites for extraordinary rendition and the death of nearly five million people, according to Brown University’s Cost of War Project.

Today, Israel is also filled with anger and vengeance and does not care one iota about the death of Palestinian civilians. Many in the Netanyahu-led government have expressed genocidal intent towards the entire Palestinian population. Most in the Israeli military and public are celebrating the physical abuse of Palestinians. Amid an atmosphere that is remarkably similar to the US after 9/11, the Israeli “war on terror” is taking shape.

With resounding approval from the general public, the Israeli army has undertaken systematic carpet bombing of the Gaza Strip, dropping in a month more than 25,000 tonnes of explosives, the equivalent of two nuclear bombs. The bombardment of the small enclave mirrors the US air campaigns that used an extraordinary amount of ordnance on Iraq and Afghanistan over two decades, leaving behind immense devastation.

There are already reports that Israel is also stepping up the use of torture against detainees. Since October 7, its forces have rounded up thousands of Palestinians, including children, in the occupied West Bank. Many allege serious physical abuse and arbitrary detention. Palestinians from Gaza, who had worked in Israel, were also arrested and tortured before being released back to Gaza.

Violence by Israeli settlers and soldiers has also surged in the occupied West Bank. More than 200 Palestinians have been murdered, many by live ammunition, as far-right Israeli settlers are taking the opportunity to terrorise the Palestinian population while the world’s attention is fixed on Gaza.

The Israeli government has handed out thousands of weapons to settlers, with more potentially on the way, leaving Palestinians even more exposed than before to deadly violence, with no legitimate authority able to protect them.

In the months and years ahead, Israel will likely launch a global assassination drive to track, target and kill Hamas leaders and key backers, reminiscent of the US’s own campaign of so-called targeted killings after 9/11. Israel’s former intelligence head, Amos Yadlin, has confirmed this inevitable plan of worldwide vengeance.

But Israel’s “war on terror” will not be only about revenge, just as the US’s was not.

The Israeli arms industry has been thriving in recent years, with a record $12.5bn in sales in 2022, double the figure from one decade ago. In the last year, 24 percent of arms went to Arab states, including Bahrain, Morocco and the United Arab Emirates. According to the Israeli Defence Ministry’s own figures, the number of countries buying Israeli drones has jumped 40 percent in the last three years, munitions have grown by 45 percent and spyware and related cyber-equipment soared from 67 to 83 countries in 2022.

As I write in my book, The Palestine Laboratory, Israel has used both the endless occupation of the West Bank and East Jerusalem, along with the siege on Gaza, to “battle-test” ever-evolving new forms of repression and surveillance. These offensive tools are then marketed and sold to the majority of nations on the planet.

In this context, the current war on Gaza will certainly be good for business. The Israeli army’s social media team is already proudly promoting the first time in battle use of the Elbit-made Iron Sling, a mortar designed to hit Hamas rocket launching sites. This is a war for a local and global public audience as well as potential foreign buyers looking to build up their arsenal.

Israel is also likely hoping to expand the sale of its high-tech military and intelligence tools. Even Israeli spyware company, NSO Group, mired in scandals for years, is looking to get in on the action, pitching themselves to Washington as an essential part of this new “war on terror”.

In its assault on Gaza, the Israeli army has boasted about using artificial intelligence (AI) in combat to “produce reliable targets quickly and accurately”. For years, Israel has claimed that it is a pioneer in AI-enabled warfare but there is no evidence that it has reduced civilian casualties while using it. The current death toll of more than 12,000 people in Gaza – the vast majority of them civilians – certainly does not lend credence to this claim.

In the occupied West Bank, AI is used to deepen the complete monitoring and control of Palestinians. It is not a liberating technology in Palestine. It is the complete opposite.

Israel’s pursuit of an ethno-nationalist agenda endangers both Palestinians and critical Jews within the country and across the world. Israel remains an inspiration for huge swaths of the global right and far right, from India to Hungary, in building a lose global coalition of nations opposed to immigration, multiculturalism and abiding by human rights norms.

With Israel claiming that it is fighting a war between so-called Western values and “barbarism”, the decimation of Palestinians’ lives and livelihoods in Gaza is a sign of an increasingly erratic and wild Israeli state. And yet, as it embarks on a dark and bloody “war on terror”, the Western world is supporting it every step of the way.

[ordinariums-a]

Peter hadn't wanted to imply that Harry was stupid, or unable to figure it out himself. Honestly, he held Harry's intelligence in such high regard, that Peter had been surprised - but yet, not. He was busy. Oscorp, well, that whole company was a mess when it directed it's attentions to the wrong thing. When it was right - when Harry was in charge and leading it in the right directions, Peter knew the fires that he had to keep under wraps was a full time job in of itself. Peter himself had had to deal with some of the fallout as Spider-Man, but not once did he either blame Harry, or attribute the bad to him.

The fact that he didn't 'figure him out' only meant that he was busy. They both were. MJ was an investigative journalist, hell and May had taken care of him since he was a child. Peter didn't think it was fair for him to compare himself to them. But - he let the idea evaporate. Mostly because this next part was worse.

And Peter knew that Harry didn't want to know. But at this point, it wasn't Peter's place to protect him from anything. Harry needed to know. Needed to make up his own mind, with all the cards on the table. So giving into his demand and handing him over the one piece of information that would hurt him more than Peter Parker being Spider-Man for the last two decades? He went through with it anyway.

And he expected the resistance. Whilst he hadn't been prepared to go into this much detail here (he's surprised Harry's still at the table), evidence wasn't hard to provide. So - hesitant, he started with the second question, retrieving his phone and leaning back.

"This is a new-ish development, but ---- the multiverse is real and there are tonnes of other Spider-People out there. We're mostly together to stop the collapse of the multiverse by ensuring canon events aren't disrupted when villains find themselves in other universes by mistake, but. We talk. To each other. Some of them are me's from different timelines, others are completely different. Hell, you should meet Hobie. You'd love him." But he knows this isn't the time to get distracted, so he continues quickly. "But in almost every universe, there's The Green Goblin. His identity changes; sometimes it's me, sometimes it's you, a lot of times it's your father. So I checked it out. Followed the patterns, and evidence wise----"

He flipped his phone back around to look at it, moving through some of the images to a video, before placing the phone on the table, and sliding it over to Harry. The video was actually the transformation between Goblin and Norman, which Peter had got through remote Spider-CCTV tech.

"Look, I know it sounds crazy; all of this does. I also know that I am abouut 99% the problem here." The other 1% taken up by Mr Osborn. "But, none of this was because I didn't care about you. I made a stupid mistake, repeatedly, and I'm trying to... fix is the wrong word. I'm trying to be better here. I trust you. I always have, and you are my best friend. If there's anything I can do to help you process this - just say the word. Even if that means leaving you the hell alone for the next six months." He glanced down to his phone, before taking a careful breath. "And with that? Please be careful. I know he's your dad, and I don't think your dad would hurt you. But when he's like that, he's not your dad, Harry."

And for once, he couldn't wait to get back to MJ, Mayday, and --- even Miguel. This conversation, whilst needed, was taxing. If Harry was able to come to terms with all of this, and stayed his friend, he'd take that in a heartbeat. But Peter just wanted to - for lack of a better phrase - curl up in a ball and be surrounded by people who understood; who wouldn't hold it against him for the next six to infinity months. And as cold as Miguel could be at times, Peter had to admit it. He was a close friend. One he missed, more than he expected, in difficult times like this.

It was easy to tell, and Harry couldn't help the smallest amount of relief at being able to read that of Peter, of finding familiar expressions still there. A relief that was soon overshadowed by knowing that his question had hit painful memories, because for all that Harry was indeed trying his best to remain calm, to be stern and cling to his anger, to get everything out in the open, he found no satisfaction in Peter's pain.

He still had needed to ask, and knowing she'd been the only person he'd told wasn't soothing either. Not when others had figured it out, and Harry kept feeling like he should have done so as well. He'd avoided prying, and he'd taken Peter's words at face value, instead of actually looking. He'd been complacent in his belief that there was someone he could trust.

So, he was now pushing. Demanding the truth, trying to get the worst hits out before trying to fill in these twenty years, before the betrayal fully settled. And so, he listened. And for all that he could see this was not easy for Peter, and he still found no enjoyment in it, he kept his expression serious, and his spine straight, and forced himself not to relent.

He knew about Doctor Octavius. He hadn't known about any former closeness between them, beyond the enmity of the vigilante and the villain, and he narrowed his eyes. An hour before, he would have fully believed that Peter would have never had anything to do with a villain. Now, he had his word. And information he shelved, as Peter kept talking, and Harry knew he was stalling.

He almost asked if it was so bad, but for all that Harry's temper had always ran hot, he knew patience, he'd learned restraint. So he waited, still and steady, judging and appraising, and definitely not expecting the kind of reveal that was dropped on him.

He knew who the Green Goblin was, of course he did. Who didn't, in this city. And, of course, he knew his father.

The accusation that they were the same person was wild enough that Harry needed a moment to simply comprehend it, before the outrage rose and he had to kick it down.

The anger was still very clear in his eyes, when he spoke, leaning forward without even noticing.

"You better have proof of this, if you are going to throw such an accusation." He almost growled, before he breathed, leaning back again, observing Peter, eyes narrowed in wary, angry caution.

He didn't want to believe it, and he wanted to clung to the fact that Peter's word had lost much of his value now. But he knew, as the seconds went by, that it was not the reason. Because he was still listening, because it was not only pragmatism that was making him gather all the information before he decided how to use it.

No, he didn't want to believe it because if it was true, then every single person he'd valued had been lying to him for most of his life. Living a double life he hadn't seen, and he'd been naive and complacent and his blindness, willing blindness, had cost lives.

Had anything in his world been true? He forced himself to breathe, to unclench the jaw he'd clenched in anger, in despair, and speak again.

"How did you confirm it?" He asked. "And how did your support network know?"

He had to know that, for all he wouldn't be able to fully believed it, he supposed. It might be his safety on it, not that he felt like he could trust anything these days.

[choibinn3]

GET IT TOGETHER, JUNGWON!!

[ four. O_o Yang Jungwonnie ]

series masterlist

⋆·˚ ༘ * in which jungwon had meant for that love letter to go to yeri, and not you—her bff. for some reason though, he finds that with each moment he spends together with you he's closer and closer to forgetting all about that damn letter.

luv note - chloe moriondo

WRITTEN PORTION. 1.9k words

btw remember that second hand embarrassment tag?? yeahh....

ps. this is bad, very, very bad and cheesy so be warned (its meant to be, but youll still feel pain lol)

—

student council room.

Jungwon could feel his hands clamming up, but he instead urged himself to just swallow down his nerves. For the past week he thought the biggest worry he had was his parents and Student Council work.

Not potentially losing friendships and breaking your heart.

"Jungwon? Are you still there?" your voice asked. It was slightly muffled by the door, but still distinct. "I had to tell Hyuka to go back without me."

You, he remembered. He had to fix this. He had known you since you were both in kindergarten, incidentally somehow being in the same classes up until High School. Still, he didn't know you though.

You were closer than acquaintances, maybe a little less than friends, and definitely not more than people with mutual friends. With everything that had been happening since the Student Council election, he had assumed he'd get closer to you naturally. It just never happened though, but he enjoyed your company when he could.

Yeri on the other hand, he was connected with. Being both Student Council President and Vice President meant they worked together often, and he found himself being drawn to her sweetness. He enjoyed their dynamic and their current friendship.

The way they worked complemented each other, and she always found a way to make him smile—it seemed as though her kindness and generosity knew no bounds. Plus, she related to him in a way none of his other friends did.

Late, after class and after hours, they'd both talk casually while doing paperwork. Jungwon's parents were hardheaded and stubborn people, wanting the best for him and yet stressing him out. They were the whole reason he ran for President in the first place.

He couldn't find it in himself to hate them though.

Yeri was the same, and she supported him throughout all the difficult times he went through because of them. She was soft, so level headed, fiercely loyal, and unbelievably pretty.

They had been partners and friends for a little over a month, and Jungwon was sure he wanted to at least try with her. It was young, new and unfurling feelings, it was something he wanted to find out.

Your energetic personality was charming, but that was all it was. It didn't strike his heart in any particular way. Jungwon was almost 100% sure there was no way Yeri would ever date him after this, but he needed to prioritize your feelings currently.

He just hoped Yeri and him could still be friends afterwards though—because being a liar was the one thing Jungwon wasn't.

"Yeah," he called out, "still here. You can just come back in now."

He watched as you nervously peeled back the sliding door of the clubroom, inching inside to peer at him. You walked closer to stand in front of him, and Jungwon smiled in hopes of easing your anxiousness.

You threw one back, although a bit hesitantly. "Jungwon," you started, twiddling with your fingers. He simply watched—wanting to at least let you talk a bit. Crushing your feelings now would be nothing but brutal. "Honestly, I was really surprised with the letter. Do you... remember back in 3rd grade?"

"No? I'm sorry, I'm not good with memories from Elementary School," the doe-eyed boy replied. He was telling the truth, grade school felt like ages ago and he just hasn't had the time to reminisce on childhood memories.

You held your hands up in a defensive manner. "That's fine! Um, you like... Uhh, how do I say this..." You made gestures with your figures, hoping to convey it to him in one way or another. God, this was dumb.

Jungwon observed silently as you laughed at your own stuttering. Endearing, came to mind. That was cute.

In the Council Room and in class, you were always particularly enthusiastic and excitable. Seeing you bashful was a very different side of you for the black-haired boy.

"I sent you my own love letter once. Like, a long, long time ago, and you sort of rejected me? I think."

"You think?" The boy held back a laugh, but quickly composed himself. He wasn't laughing maliciously, just... how could you be unsure of such a thing? "I'm sorry, but I still don't remember."

"Yeah, that's fine!" You nodded, embarrassed from his almost-chuckle. You did not want to seem like an idiot in front of him today. "Actually, I don't remember much either, but you didn't reply to it."

Jungwon gazed at your brows furrowed from trying to think of more words to say, and suddenly he felt a tonne of guilt fall onto him. His expression grew solemn.

Quick, get it over with, before this would get any worse.

"Look, YN—"

He had to shut his mouth almost immediately.

"What I'm trying to say is—!" You took a deep breath. "I've liked you since then! Since years, and years ago," you finally blurted, closing your eyes as to not see his reaction.

"You're the only one I've ever felt this way towards. I thought once I grew up this warmth would just... go away, but it hasn't and I don't think it will. I was honestly going to just swallow it all down hoping I'd get over it before we graduate, but I couldn't. My feelings were overflowing—I just found myself finding more things about I liked about you instead."

Your goal today was to not embarrass yourself, but to hastily tell him you liked him too before sprinting away. It seemed as though nothing was going to plan so far, for neither of you, actually.

Jungwon was left unable to speak from your surprising declaration. You took that as a sign to continue. Whatever happened next was something for future you to panic over.

"I like your dimples, that smile you make when you're passing by strangers in the hallway, and the way your hair falls when you comb through it. You're admirable in everything you do, truly. The way you help underclassmen, the way you always make sure to assist teachers during your free periods, and how you never seem to complain or get frustrated when we make mistakes."

You had nurtured your feelings for what felt like forever. Even when you were technically rejected back then, and even now. At first, you thought that he would be a passing crush from when you were a kid—but he wasn't. He grew into his own so much so that you found yourself admiring his leadership, compassion and thoughtfulness with each day you watched him.

"I like how mature you are, how you still find the time to care for your friends even with Student Council work, the natural way you light up any room you walk into, how I could honestly hear your voice talk for hours on end, how even though we haven't spoken much you still remember my favorite color from when I told you during introductions, I'm rambling gahh, just—all of it! I like all of it, everything about you!"

Everyday of harboring your secret affections for the boy consisted of soft glances during his speeches, wishes to be able to encase his hand within yours to interlock your fingers under the table during meetings, and wantings to be more than what you were to him. It was alright for a while, but it had started to become painful.

All crushes are painful, you told yourself in 5th grade, watching him start to receive confessions from your classmates.

"—I like you! I've liked you since the 3rd grade, and so I accept! I really, really want to be with you Yang Jungwon. Please take care of me!"

They were all painful, but you were given the chance to make yours not. To make your feelings real and acknowledged, to bare yourself in front of him like a vivisection—and you were taking it. Even when you were practically trembling from the embarrassment.

Jungwon was stilled from the shock. Heeseung had already told him of your long held feelings, but hearing it from your mouth while you had your eyes shut tight made him flustered.

How were you able to do that so shamelessly? To be so vulnerable and weak in front of someone? He had to write a whole letter, albeit a bit poorly, and somehow you were able to say it all.

He's received confessions before, felt those kind of feelings, but he wouldn't have been able to yell out those sort of things ever—no matter how strong his feelings were. You were dangerously bold, he thought.

Bold enough to send a bright heat to overtake his cheeks.

You looked up finally after mustering enough courage from his lack of speaking, only to find yourself blinking at a red-faced Jungwon. Oh my God, he's blushing...! YOU did that.

The both of you stood there for a while, thinking the same thought of what is even happening? Is this real, or have I just been in a daze for the past few days? Jungwon's eyes were comically wide and his mouth was gaping, but he couldn't find it in himself to close it.

The thought made you gain confidence all of a sudden, finding the opportunity to do something you had always wanted to do. Quickly and stealthily, you went onto your tippy toes—

and kissed him on the cheek.

Jungwon felt your lips on the smooth expanse of his skin, and smelt your scent from the intimate proximity. It was a chaste gesture, almost no where close to his lips at all, but he heard his heart beating against his ribcage nonetheless. It thrummed in his ears like a drum, and he wanted to whisper for it to stop.

For it to not be swayed so easily.

It was the innocence of such a thing that got to him. Not once had Jungwon held hands, kissed, or even confessed to someone up until now. Of course, you suddenly getting so close and pecking him with your hands balled up would send his heart into a flurry.

The usually put together Student Council President in front of you let out a strangled noise from the back of his throat, the tips of his ears and face becoming rosier. His throat was closing up, God, why was his throat closing up? Not now, please. He couldn't even remember what he was meant to be saying.

You smiled at him, happy to be rendering him to such a state. It was one of the most impulsive things you've done up to date, but you couldn't find yourself regretting it.

This was what those coming of age dramas on TV were describing—it was the start of one of those cheesy, really bad High School romances. Fervent, mushy, uncertain, but so tender it made your heart ache for hours even after watching.

As you retreated slowly, he caught a glimpse of your bright eyes, downcast lashes, and—holy shit you were so close. He could see the particular way you curled your lips.

He had to hold his breath.

Jungwon watched as your expression morphed into one of slight mischievousness, and an inkling of something softer, before you dashed out the sliding doors—

"Wait!

The sudden motion made him gain his words back, but you were already through the hallways with your hand on your bag.

—leaving him with nothing but the memory and the patter of your footsteps. So fast, so much speed, were you in track? The past few seconds were nothing but a blur of confusion and feelings he didn't want felt.

What just... What just happened?

previous | next - series masterlist

TLDR (but whyy :( pls read it); jungwon goes to do take backsies on his confession, u kiss his cheek, he goes coocoo bananas!!!

TAGLIST; @lumixen @ghjasksdk @atinyyylove @jjikyuu @yjwooon @ncityy04 @tyunni @littlewolfieposts @xoxojayd3n @rosiechaengz @sunshine-skz @youreverydayzebra @hobistigma @plshhhhhhh @lokideadontheinside @alo-ehas @milkycloudtyg @bangtopia

send an ask or dm

i wanted to emphasize how new his feelings for yeri :] if u could guess what this could mean. alsoooo... did u notice how fast this went ? i intended it to be rushed and "in the moment" like it was in the scene hehe

[sooibian]

IRS and Prejudice

Pairing: CEO!Minseok x fem!employee Reader

Genre / Themes: Fluff!!! Frenemies to (maybe) Lovers? Office AU with some references to ‘The Office’, flirtatious, cat-whisperer, Aries Minseok vs Aries reader!

Description: In which Kim Minseok is nothing like other bosses. Nothing.

A/N: happy birthday to mochi ari! @his-mochi-cheeks​ 💗

Word count: 2.7k (written in a state of delirium eeeek)

You quickly hit Alt+Tab on the resume that you sat updating for the umpteenth time as the sound of heels click-clacking against the floor grew closer.

“My office,” said your immediate supervisor the moment you looked up at her, a well practised unfazed expression crossing your face. If switching between applications at lighting speed were an Olympic sport, you were certain you’d score nothing less than a gold medal. Yet, somewhere in the back of your mind, you had a niggling doubt about having been caught in the act.

You gave her a slight nod in response, lips stretched into a thin line. Smoothing out the wrinkles in your red and black plaid shirt (the one you wore on most casual Fridays since you could hardly be bothered with your appearance at work; despite the feminist within you, the dull back office team discouraged you from making the effort), you followed her into her office with your best businesslike gait while your mind made up a million excuses for what her keen eyes might have found on your 24-inch screen.

“Sit,” the middle aged woman commanded, resting her hands on her hips. Leaning against her teakwood desk, she crossed her legs at the ankles, pushed her glasses further up the bridge of her nose, and cleared her throat. It’s how she’d fidget when she was on the edge about something.

You imagined your expression if a camera was to pan to you, cinéma vérité. Indulging your curiosity, you shrugged your shoulders with a confused look on .your face

“Everything okay?” You mustered in your best Pam Beesly impression.

Your supervisor let out a deep sigh and answered your question with a more awkward one, "When was the last time you submitted cash reports to the IRS?”

You froze into a still frame.

One of the major reasons you wanted to change jobs was because innumerable responsibilities that were entirely unrelated to your department had been carelessly plonked upon your shoulders. Submitting monthly cash reports to the IRS should have ideally been a task of the receivables department and not shifted onto someone incharge of warranties.

“I - I - ,” you started by trying to justify your negligence before even attempting to answer her question but honestly, you didn’t even want to think about when you last submitted those reports and there was absolutely nothing you could say in your defense.

You’d messed up. Big time.

“Ten months. Ten months is not a small amount in penalties,” she said in her quietest tone as you struggled to fight back angry tears. You’d been with the company for over six years now but it was the first time you’d been accused of laxity. It felt like a punch in the gut.

She turned on her heel to take her seat - movements deliberately slow, allowing you some time to regain your composure. With her eyes on her phone, she leaned back in her chair and said with a sense of finality in her voice, “You know what you have to do.”

Head hung low and eyes lined with tears, you walked out of her office muttering all the things you didn’t say in your defense. The long and short of it was that this duty should’ve never fallen into your lap in the first place. As you paced in the direction of your cubicle (with twenty sets of curious eyes on your back), a pair of hands suddenly gripped your shoulders and a dulcet voice sang, “Careful, Warranties.”

At this point, you were ready to rip your hair out. Looking up you met CEO Minseok Kim’s bright, catlike eyes as he stood at a hair’s breadth distance from you, smelling of expensive cologne - the kind that was equivalent to several months of your salary, and coffee. He always smelled like coffee and in your opinion that was his only redeeming quality.

His handsome face that every woman and man in the office fawned over was a source of your annoyance - you didn’t care for cocksure people at all and he was the uncrowned king of arrogance. He took over the reins of a used car dealership from his father upon his retirement - it was nothing too fancy - yet he enjoyed strutting around the office as if he managed a multinational conglomerate.

It was his younger sister that did the real work. She managed the more important businesses while Minseok had been handed the responsibility of just one company and from your (and the Sales Team Lead Baekhyun's) standpoint, he wasn’t doing a marvellous job at it.

Your Aries energy didn’t permit you to apologize for nearly butting heads with him so you feigned a polite smile and side-stepped to your right and he simultaneously side-stepped to his left, his every little wrong move bolstering your frustration level. It happened again and again and again until he bowed ever so slightly, stretched his arm out and said, “Please,” gesturing for you to leave first, the corners of his mouth curled up in a wide, gummy grin.

What was he so happy about all the time?

“Thanks,” you mumbled and he winked at you in response. You immediately made a mental note to find out if you could report the CEO for improper behaviour. You had a full-blown list that started with his attire - should a CEO be allowed to dress in hoodies, skinny jeans, and comfortable sneakers while the rest of you suffocated in the restraints of formal clothing for four days of the week?

Huffing, you slumped in your chair and texted your aunt informing that you wouldn’t make it to barbecue night and immediately flipped your phone to silent to avoid seeing her colourful messages berating you for the last minute cancellation.

Next, you aggressively typed ‘IRS CASH STATEMENTS’ in big block letters into the sticky notes app as a reminder of the humiliation you experienced today.

***

When you last checked time, it was noon.

The sun had long gone down since then as you tried to wrangle customers’ social security numbers out of the ever-so-reticent-to-share-information receivables department who were all packing up for the day. You were this close to socking them in the jaw but you still maintained a courteous smile and pleaded with them throwing in tonnes of cringey corporate jargon, “Please, I just have three more reports to go and I’d really appreciate your prompt help with the information.”

Suddenly, a familiar cheery voice fell upon your ears, “What’s going on?”

You were surprised to find Minseok still in the office but also extremely grateful for his presence because his single sideway glance at Angela achieved what your five emails and three verbal requests failed to.

Furiously typing away on her keyboard, she said through gritted teeth, “I’ve sent them over.”

Minseok gave you a casual two-finger salute and nearly went skipping back to his ...no, not his but to your immediate supervisor’s now empty, glass-paned office - where you could see him directly and he you - the three walls of your cubicle doing nothing to keep you out of the periphery of his blatant staring and his trademark cheeky grin that lit up his ridiculously handsome face.

Shifting uncomfortably in your seat you returned his smile but not with your eyes. You hated the effect he had on you - making you, a grown woman, blush like a schoolgirl under his self-assured gaze. Minseok was nothing like a CEO - he dressed casually, talked to anyone and everyone like he’s known them forever. He’d come into work regularly after prolonged dry spells only to disappear again. His laidback attitude did no favours to your opinion about him.

To pointedly avoid Minseok you put your head down on your desk on the pretext of catching a little break.

… big mistake.

***

You woke up with a start to the soothing and inviting aroma of... home. Opening your eyes to cinnamon bread drizzled with cream cheese on your desk felt like a fever dream until Minseok rolled his chair forward in your direction and you instinctively backpedaled. Clutching his stomach he broke into a vast roar of laughter while offering you a paper napkin with his other hand.

Brows furrowed, you stared at him quizzically as sleep continued to irritate your eyes and the mark of the ballpoint pen you fell asleep on, niggled at your cheek. Hesitantly, you took the napkin from his hand and dabbed it around your eyes and he shook his head in response, pointing to the annoying curled up corner of his own mouth.

“You were drooling,” he guffawed, his eyes twinkling with mischief. Upon noticing that you immediately grew conscious about your appearance, he waved his hands frantically and added, “It’s no problem… I drool too, haha..in fact it’s ...umm..”

You glowered at him and he instantly looked away allowing you to fix your face as his fingers impatiently drummed away on your desk.

The clock struck 7:53 p.m.

Your last meal had been sometime before noon. Under normal circumstances, you would’ve been grateful for the little snack Minseok had brought you - it was an uncharacteristically thoughtful gesture from someone like him but you’d been expecting your period in a week’s time which made you unusually ravenous.

Lips pursed and head tilted to the side, he handed you a bottle of water which you gulped down within a matter of seconds while steadily growing wary of your ultimate boss’ intentions. But you pivoted your attention to prioritizing. First, you’d wolf down the delicious cinnamon bread and then think about whether you were going to walk out of this office on your own two feet or as a human-skin suit on Minseok’s well defined back.

“Thank you for the snack,” you said to him with a forced smile, “I’ll get back to my reports now.” As you swivelled your chair to face the monitor, his hand hooked at the armrest and he spun you back around towards himself.

“What’s the rush, Warranties?” Resting his chin in his hand, he wondered with a quirked brow and a smile teasing the edges of his plump mouth.

It was not your place to ask what your boss was doing in his own office at 8 p.m. on a Friday night, especially one that hardly ever came in to begin with. He could clock in and out at his own whim and sit wherever he liked even if it meant being an utter inconvenience to someone on a stringent deadline but you took your shot anyway. Doing nothing to mask the sarcasm in your tone, you said to him, “Minseok, if you came into work everyday, you wouldn’t have to stay back so late, you know.”

Unfazed, he responded, “But my schedule doesn’t allow me to come into work everyday.”

Schedule?

You decided not to stretch this conversation longer than necessary, especially not after his ridiculous response. Drawing in a deep breath, you said, “I just have five reports left to finish, Minseok. Maybe we can talk later.”

“I run an organization involved in wildlife rights and care,” he explained anyway, rummaging the pockets of his jeans.

No shit, you scoffed. If only Minseok Kim could get any more predictable. A not-for-profit organization was every rich kids guide...no facade...no scam.. to make it seem like they actually did something.

Handing you a card, he continued, “It requires me to travel extensively - last month I was in a park in South America, working with this one puma, Elsa. She was a cage cat who got so used to the confines that she wouldn’t come out of the cage for walks in the jungle because she didn’t like anyone touching her collar, so we couldn’t attach a rope to walk with her. But, I think I’m somewhat of a genius and a cat-whisperer. Within three to four weeks, we managed to get her out of the cage.”

He pulled his phone out next, brought his chair closer to yours and started swiping through the picture gallery to show you a magnificent puma walking around the park as if she were its reigning queen. He resumed the story proudly, “Now she walks every single day, without a rope around her neck. And she’s very, very loving and affectionate.” His face lit up with awe and admiration for Elsa.

Probably you'd misunderstood Minseok…just a little. His passion about his organization did something to favourably change your opinion about him but that didn't mean you didn't have your immediate supervisor and the IRS to answer to anymore.

"Why are you telling me all this?" You asked, covertly moving closer to your workstation.

"We have a vacant position in Treasury." He answered and you immediately stopped dead in your tracks.

Mouth agape, you exclaimed, "You did not just try to poach me from your own company! Minseok you don't cease to surprise me -"

With a smirk on his face, he gave you finger guns. "That’s always been the goal, Warranties!"

"I still have five-

"Three..you have only three reports left. How stupid do you think I am?”

Caught in a lie, you could do nothing to save face so you simply pivoted your chair only to be forcefully twirled back by his strong arms again.

“Now what?" You asked, letting out a groan.

With his foot on one leg of the chair base, he pushed you back towards your desktop and said with a voice laced heavily with his trademark sass, "Check your inbox first."

Grumbling under your breath, you said something along the lines of ‘what does a CEO do anyway’. You then refreshed your inbox, impatiently waiting for an email of several MBs to load as Minseok watched you with an expression of victory painted across his features.

Your mouth fell open to find perfect to the t cash reports for the last three months which made you instantly regret your snide remarks.

Minseok snapped you out of your reverie with his smooth voice, “I may not know much of what a corporate CEO is supposed to do but I do how to get work done. Angela was more than happy to do this for a ‘team leader’ nameplate on her desk.”

Struggling to hold his compelling gaze, you muttered, “I don’t know how to thank you...”

“But I do!” He quipped.

“Of course, you do,” you sighed.

“Let me join you for barbeque night at your aunt’s..i’m sure they won’t mind you bringing a friend along?”

Before you could begin looking for a bug in your cubicle, he explained, “I caught a preview of her message on your phone while you were happily tucked away in dreamland.”

“You - you - that’s an invasion of privacy!” You lambasted him.

Stifling a yawn, he leaned back in his chair and said casually, “I was bored. Besides, privacy is a myth in today’s day and age...just like democracy, the importance of drinking eight glasses of water a day, the goldfish memory, or the thing about houseflies -”

“Okay, okay! I get it! Privacy is a myth. You - you can join us, I guess,” you interrupted him.

With widened eyes he emphasized, “Unless you don’t want me to -”

No matter how much and how often Minseok irked you, he was a charmer. You knew your aunt and your cousins would love having someone like him join in the get together and it really wouldn’t hurt your reputation to bring your boss, especially one like Minseok, along at a family event. You also couldn’t deny the excitement bubbling in your belly at the prospects of working in an NPO’s treasury department.

“You know that’s not what I meant -” You replied, eyes on the monitor as you double checked the email you’d drafted for your immediate supervisor.

“So you want me to come along?” He asked in his flamboyantly flirtatious tone.

Ignoring him, you hit send only after adding a little smiling emoji. Shutting down your system, you picked up your coat and answered with a genuine smile this time, “I’m driving.”

************

A/N: the story about puma Elsa is real! i’ll link it in one of the rb’s for those interested :)

[iwannaban0nym0us]

Women in Star Trek Art

I found this amazing link from this post and couldn’t resist going through and pulling out a few(maybe more than a few) of my favorite pieces. I pulled out my favorites, but I encourage you to check out the rest and find your own!

Rico JR | Nyota Uhura “Star Trek”

“I love the character of Uhura, already since the TV series and this unforgettable kiss with Captain Kirk which is the first interracial kiss on television. That is something important. But I even more adored the interpretation of Zoe Saldana in recent movies. He strength of character and her relationship with Spock was, to me, one of the highlights of JJ Abrams films.”

— Rico JR

Tom Ralston | Guinan “Star Trek: The Next Generation”

“If the recurring character of Guinan appeared in an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation you knew you were in for several things. First-off you would be in store for a thought-provoking episode, often with a profoundly moving payoff. Many episodes of TNG accomplished this, but Guinan’s character guaranteed a certain level of emotional engagement, as she allowed us to learn about the deeper issues of the crew of the Enterprise; their fears, desires, hopes and dreams. You would glean insight into the inner narrative of one her fellow shipmates, as she offered them her guidance and wisdom. A Guinan appearance also meant rich costume designs and the possibility of one of her enormous hats. Who doesn’t want to see Whoopi Goldberg in a giant hat?! Guinan’s character is over 600 years old and a refugee of an endangered race scattered across the universe. She has a sixth sense and there is a tonne of mystery surrounding her back story. But despite her elaborate origins, her role on the enterprise is designed upon a simple and age-old trope of the of the bartender / therapist. Yet Guinan transcends any tired cliches through Whoopi Goldberg’s masterful performance in which she exudes kindness, compassion and a good balance of strength and vulnerability. Guinan was supposedly the final character Gene Roddenberry created, and as such, seems appropriately emblematic of the entire franchise — emphasizing kindness, compassion, strength and vulnerability and the willingness to listen and support those around her.”

— Tom Ralston

Alan Fore | Tasha Yar “Star Trek: The Next Generation”

“I’ve always been drawn to Tasha because she was an early example in my life of a strong female character. The glimpses we got of her backstory were so compelling and I’ve always felt there was so much more to the character than we got.”

— Alan Fore

Laz Marquez | Warship Yar “Star Trek: The Next Generation”

“I remember watching “Star Trek: TNG” for the first time & seeing the character of Tasha Yar represent strength and an important role as Chief of Security on the bridge. This was enough to make me immediately enamored with the character and her story. Then, the spectacular episode “Yesterday’s Enterprise” was released and we saw shades to Yar that weren’t truly explored. The character is strong but she’s also driven by doing what’s right, even if it means sacrifice and facing grim circumstances. Her backstory, explored in bits in Season 1, tells the story of a survivor who joined Starfleet to create a better world. While she was on the Enterprise-D, she did just that and helped each of her fellow team members & friends grow as a result.”

— Laz Marquez

Scott Saslow | Rachel Garrett “Star Trek: The Next Generation”

“I chose Rachel Garrett, captain of the Enterprise-C, portrayed by Tricia O'Neil in the classic TNG episode "Yesterday's Enterprise." While we don't get to know a lot about her in those 44 minutes, she proves to be a charismatic and capable leader. When faced with the horrible truth of her situation, she finally decides to take her ship back in time in order to restore the timeline and save billions of lives.”

— Scott Saslow

Jamie Fay | Kathryn Janeway “Star Trek: Voyager”

André Barnett | Seven of Nine “Star Trek: Voyager”

“I grew up with the original Star Trek series, and I was, at first, a little leery of the later series. But, my daughter Christa was a big fan of “The Next Generation” and “Voyager” and we watched them together, and doing so helped me to appreciate the actors, writing, and character development of these new shows. The Seven of Nine character of course was visually stunning and brought with her the drama of the Borg back story, but at the same time, the writing and character development explored the meaning of being human as the Seven of Nine character attempted to regain back her humanity. It was a storyline that was compelling to me and is why I chose to illustrate this female character.”

— André Barnett

Kristin Wilkinson | Seven of Nine “Star Trek: Picard”

“There are many characters in the Star Trek universe that I am fond of and have created fanart of. One character I’ve always loved was Seven of Nine. Watching her journey/story has been one of my favourites. Seeing her over the years accept and try to rediscover her humanity after her rescue from the Borg has been one of my favourite story lines. She’s strong, and, well, cool, but also has a vulnerability. She has always been an outsider, trying to fit in, which is something that is so very relatable.”

— Kristin Wilkinson

Andrea Davies | Raffi Musiker “Star Trek: Picard”

“I have chosen Raffi from the wonderful and almost overwhelming list of choices. My day job is Assistant Head in a special school for teenagers with social, emotional and mental health needs. Many of our kids have challenging and chaotic homelives. Pupils, and often their parents and siblings are fighting circumstance and often addiction. My message is always that our demons, mistakes and bad choices don't have to define us. Raffi is fighting that fight on screen. She shows us that it isn't easy, and most importantly flawed people can still do amazing things. Michelle Hurd gave us an imperfect, but inspiring character. 'The wreckage of a good person' is a line I have adopted. I see that wreckage every day, and know it can be fixed.”

— Andrea Davies

Phil Dunne | Michael Burnham “Star Trek: Discovery”

Jeanne Delage | Tilly “Star Trek: Discovery”

“Tilly is my favorite character from Star trek: Disco because she is highly intelligent but seems just like a normal and flawed person, like you and me. She cares about others, is funny, also silly and dorky. A good friend you can have a great and fun time with. In serious situations, she came up with smart solutions and takes charges when needed. Overall an awesome character wonderfully portrayed by Mary Wiseman.”

— Jeanne Delagenote

[ramblings-of-a-sane-mind]

#also wondering whether you were raised Christian?#because strangely enough this obsession with resurrection is the center of Christian mythology#and the US and most of Europe have a largely Christian population#so people also literally believe in some form of resurrection after death#tell their kids that dead people go to heaven and that you will get to see them again#this is much more than some scifi and fantasy tv shows Hello hi, at least it didn't take me another five years to log back into this account. That's a really interesting point and not something I steered clear of mentioning with any sort of intent. I was raised Christian - though I would say very casually??? Don't know if that is the right phrasing or even the correct recollection of my childhood. But I guess I didn't bring religion into it because I don't think I can speak too much in depth on any one aside from Christianity, and even there my knowledge is not what it once was. And thought I think it has an effect, I think the pervasive media presence of revival is nothing to sneeze at either.

The nature of most religions (from what I understand) is to explain what we as humans have difficulty understanding otherwise. Our little lizard brains need some kind of explanation of what the fuck is going on at all times - so we end up creating various kinds of explanations in order to cope with the fact that so much is unexplainable. Especially back in ye olden days when the earth was the centre of the universe and the world was a vast expanse of question marks and a lot of people were dying all the time. Like, that must have been horrible. To look at the people around you and know so many of them were going to die. Children and family and neighbors and maybe even you. Obviously some cultures were better at taking care of each other, but still. The things we can fix now, with technology and medicine and just a tonne more knowledge - it would be mind boggling to our good old timey people. Sometimes you just have to create a story, believe in someone telling you that your loss isn't permanent, that everything has a purpose or a meaning or that your suffering isn't needless. Because otherwise the whole situation would just be so fucking overwhelming I don't know how people would have coped. Christianity is one such explanation and though it is the one that I am most familiar with it is sure not the only one that encourages the idea of something more following death. Of an After, in some way shape or form.

And yeah, Christians have done a hell of a job making sure that everyone knows just how much of a big deal they are, and I am not naive enough to think that people can be creative in a vacuum. Everything we see or observe or are taught will factor into the creative process, but I also think that it would be a mistake to minimize the impact that "some sci-fi and fantasy tv shows" can have.

Like I mentioned earlier I was raised loosely Christian. A casual affair, nothing too serious or too pushed by anyone in my life. We went to church on Sundays and I got my candy at the end, which was the only real reason I ever cared to go, and it was fine. But it wasn't really something I thought about outside of that one environment.

However we are surrounded by stories, by media. I had movies and TV shows and books! And the theme of resurrection is so common in them all and it's sooooooo accessible now. And it comes back to creativity in a vacuum. Christianity and the religious theme of resurrection for sure had an effect on some creators, but not all of them. And their creations had an effect on consumers which had an effect on their creations. Like it's just fascinating how it all works.

And I guess the thing that I keep coming back to is the accessibility, you know? Like I might be someone who has no interest in religion or religious media, but loves Marvel - I'm still going to get that resurrection story. There's so many different flavors of the same trope, but it means that so many people have been able to witness it. As kids, as adults. In books and film - I mean if we really wanted to get into detail we could pick apart the nature of video games and the many, many lives you have available.

It's all just so interesting, and so pervasive. I feel like there's not really an escape. And maybe it's caused by religion, or maybe would just have happened even if those ideologies hadn't been so mainstream, but either way, when it comes to my own personal process it's something I really try to be aware of.

I really enjoyed playing with these thoughts! You gave me something else to chew on and it was a lot of fun to add it to the pondering!

Let the deceased rest : a rambling discussion of the impermanence of death in fiction, and why we should maybe let our characters go

So listen I didn’t roll up onto this app to start writing rambling paragraphs on why I don’t know if the constant revival of dead characters in fiction is a good move on our part, but here you are and here I am and I’m about to go off I guess.  To focus in a lens a little bit before we get started, I want to be very clear.  I am using mainly Western media for this examination, that and my own personal experience.  I mean if I really sit here and write as much as I think I might then maybe we’ll get some anime references in here too, but a lot of this is just being looked at through a world coloured by my own individual life and observations. 

But basically it boils down to this.  When I was a little kid and I used to play imagination games with my friends, I always, ALWAYS, wanted my character to die.  Now - to clarify, I did not want my character to die fully.  I was always revived in some mystical way, maybe I was never really dead in the first place.  But I always wanted it to happen.  I would build my story around it, would present it to our little ragtag group of kids running around a field and making up whole worlds to just pass the time, and my childhood friends would roll their eyes and sigh and put up with me.  Which was truly lovely of them because looking back on it now it must have been really fucking annoying.  My brother still makes jokes about it to this day.  

I want to be very clear here.  I wanted my characters to die every single time for one specific reason.  And that was for the revival.  Even as a kid I craved that angst, the emotional response of others looking on, of having to bare the weight of this insurmountable grief, of this terribly sad thing.  But I didn’t want it to stick.  I wanted all the emotion without the permanence. The pain and the suffering and the sadness but without the end result of the end being, you know, the end.  

And that has followed me like a shadow into my own writing.  I kill off characters for the pain it inflicts onto others, for the growth that it will cause, and then I bring them back for that additional emotional release - the completion of the circle.  You take the pain and you hold it without breaking and eventually the reward of the resolution will come.  The suffering is worth it because the joy at the end is all the sweeter for it.  

And I am not an outlier in this mindset.  Everywhere you look in film, in television, in books, we think very similarly.  The death itself is painful, but Death has no weight in an unreal world.  Look here they are again, the person you missed - and yeah maybe they’re a little different, a little worse for wear but you have them back again.  Their people have them back again.  And we can all move on in healing together, instead of trying to piece ourselves back together with an absence so gaping you can’t even see the other end of who you are.  

One of my closest friends has gotten back into Star Trek recently, which means that I have been listening to facts about the show, about the books, about the films, almost nonstop.  We watched the films together recently (the new ones not the old ones don’t come for me) and Kirk dies.  In the original it’s Spock, but the results are for the most part the same.  They die, some stuff happens, they come back.  And that was really when I started thinking about this as something so pervasive in our culture, in the way we view the world.  People come back more often than now.  Stranger Things - a hugely popular show known for it’s violence, it’s willingness to throw it’s characters into brutal situations and to make sure that some don’t walk out - is another with that kind of motif.  SPOILERS in case you haven’t seen the fourth season, but basically a well liked and popular member of the main group of characters - Hopper - ‘dies’ at the end of the third season.  He leaves behind a touching note for his adoptive daughter and the scene is so raw and heartbreaking because you know he’s gone.  That that letter is what she has left of him, and those words are what she is going to have to hold onto.  It doesn’t feel like enough.  It isn’t enough.  And that’s what makes it real.  It’s what causes an emotional response in people, the truth that we are witnessing.  However, in the very next season, we see that there was no need for such a devastated response, because here he is, back again and maybe a little worse for wear, but alive.  We get to see him reunite with his daughter, get to vicariously live that relief with her, get to feel the joy in the reunion.  

But that isn’t how it works, is it?  And this, I think, is the very crux of what I have been spending so many words trying to get to.  Because even now, there are days where I think about what life is going to be like when my dad comes back. Where I imagine the moment in my head, shape it from all sides and hold it there, a perfect image of a moment that will never happen.  Because my dad is dead.  He has been dead for nearly five years now and Death is unshakable in its endlessness.  No matter how may shows I watch or books I read or stories I write where the characters come back, where it’s all ok, where the pain is fucking worth it, that won’t happen for me.  Because he is gone and that is that.  

I sometimes regret how much I read as a kid.  The worlds I was a part of, the stories that I absorbed became facets of who I am now, and I was reading where at the time it was hugely popular to revive a character.  Maybe they were a fan favourite.  Maybe they were part of a twist.  Maybe they were never really dead at all.  But any which way, there is a part of that mindset that has rooted itself in my psychology, and it is something so hard to fucking shake.  Because why would I want to?  There’s relief in knowing that maybe I’ll get to see someone I love again, even if all they are is words on a page, a creation of someone else’s mind.  And I think if done well, done rarely, this revival is something that can be beautiful.  That can have all the impacts intended and leave everyone, the creators, the observers, the characters themselves, contented with how it ends.  But again I think that the quantity with which these revivals occur? The commonplace nature of them?  I think that’s what fucks me up so bad, what makes it difficult for kids like me to separate what is fiction from what is reality.

Or maybe it’s just me.  Maybe it’s just been me all along.  But either way, I really try to take a step back as I write from now on, try to take a deep breath and think to myself before I bring someone back.  Is this what is right for you?  Or is this because I myself am afraid of losing you?  

[perseusannabeth]

I'll Hold Your Hand - modern AU Nessian fic

Summary:  Cassian is finally going to spend some alone time with Nesta, and he's going to woo the shit out of her. He's totally going to seduce her. This is his chance, finally! However, when he gets to Nesta's flat, he realises that this may not be the best time for seduction.

Notes:  This is not beta-read so please let me know if there are any mistakes! I wrote this for my friend @acourtofmarauders who asked for some Nessian fluff. If anyone has any acotar prompts they would like me to write, then please send me an ask!

Cassian would be lying through his teeth if he said he wasn’t dressing extra carefully today. He had spent 2 hours going through every combination of outfits he could possibly wear, and another hour (once he had chosen an outfit) had been dedicated to fixing his hair. He was nervous, and that was a new feeling for him. Cassian never got nervous, especially when it came to women.

Nesta Archeron however, was no ordinary woman. In fact, when she was angry, he wasn’t even sure she was a woman, she looked like a dragon sometimes, with smoke blowing out of her nostrils when she got angry and ready to breathe fire and burn down whoever angered her, which was usually him. He loved it though. At first, he just loved pissing her off for the sake of it. He didn’t hate her, he just didn’t really like her either and she irritated him, got under his skin and somehow knew how to push all the wrong buttons. Now though, he just loved to watch the way her cheeks would flush, her brows would furrow, and the slight clench of her jaw. He enjoyed their verbal sparring, which he had come to see as a release for the tension between them, only the past few months it felt like the verbal spars were not enough to get rid of the tension.

If she could see him now, primping and preening in the mirror for hours on end, she would have insulted him till he begged for a reprieve, but he doesn’t care. He wants to make sure he looks irresistible but make it look effortless. She could never know his effortless look took him 3 hours. In fact, none of his friends could ever know. They would never shut up about it. He thanked the cauldron that Azriel was spending a few days away with Elain so he couldn’t witness what a mess he was. Sometimes living with your brother had its downsides. He was just thankful that Rhys didn’t still live here. He shuddered at the thought of Rhys and Feyre seeing him getting ready for his not-date with Nesta.

Cassian knew he was acting like this was a date, but he didn’t care. Nesta had invited him to go over to her flat when she was home alone to eat junk food and watch films together, and Cassian was ecstatic. If he had known that mentioning that he had never seen Lord of the Rings, despite having read all the books would have made Nesta so outraged that she’d invite him to spend time with her, then he would have mentioned it ages ago.

He looked at the clock again to check if it was a reasonable enough time to set off. He didn’t want to get there too early, as eager as he was, because that might annoy Nesta and he didn’t want to start their 12-hour marathon with Nesta being angry at him. He also would rather die than get there late, so he kept checking the clock. Nesta had told him to come over for 6 pm so they could marathon all three of the films. She had warned that it would be an endurance test and that if he was a “weak ass bitch” (direct quote from Nesta herself), then she would “leave him for dead”.

Cassian looked at himself one last time in the mirror. His hair was tied in a messy man bun that had taken way too much time to make it look so effortless and not as though he had run in the wind. He had kept his outfit simple, wearing a grey fitted shirt which he knew made his muscles look great, and his favourite joggers which he knew did wonders for his ass (not that it needed help but still, every little helps where Nesta is concerned). Nesta had warned him to dress comfortable, but that didn’t mean he had to dress like a slob.

He grabbed his favourite red zip-up hoodie, made sure he had his phone, charger and keys as he walked into the kitchen. Nesta had said she would have some snacks but Cassian wanted to do a little extra, so he had prepared a pasta bake, which just needed to go in the oven when he got to Nesta’s place. He had also taken the liberty of buying an assortment of junk food, including sour sweets (Nesta’s favourites) and Yorkie chocolate bars (Nesta claimed she started eating them out of spite and can’t stop. He’s too afraid to ask what that even means).

He somehow managed to lock up while holding the pasta bake and the tonne of junk food, and then went and put his things in his car. He tried to drive as slowly as he could without annoying other people on the roads, just to make sure he didn’t get there too early, but still ended up arriving 15 minutes earlier than he was supposed to. Still, Cassian decided Nesta couldn’t be too mad at him for arriving early (could she?) so he decided to take a chance and go up to her flat.

He knocked on her door cautiously and heard a muffled swear from inside which made him grin. Perhaps their little Lord of the Rings marathon wasn’t only making him nervous. The idea that Nesta was nervous too made Cassian grin even wider, his heart fluttering slightly at the thought of Nesta getting nervous because of him.

The door swung open, interrupting Cassian’s thoughts. Nesta stood in the doorway, leaning against the door frame. She looked… tired? It threw Cassian, seeing her like this. Her hair was in a messy plait that she had clearly slept in, she was wearing what looked like some Mulan pyjamas and a pastel pink fluffy dressing gown over them. Her cheeks were slightly flushed, she looked a little sweaty, her eyes were half-closed as she looked at Cassian. This was not the poised and ready to step on his balls while wearing high heels Nesta he was used to.

“Hi sweetheart, are you okay?” Cassian forgot all about any ideas to woo Nesta, worry at the forefront of his mind now. Something was clearly wrong because Nesta would rather die than be seen in this state, especially by him.

“Hmm? Don’t call me that,” Nesta protested half-heartedly, her eyes still half-closed as she leaned against the door frame, her head moving to rest against it as though it was too heavy for her to carry.

Cassian decided to throw all caution to the wind and step forward, lightly touching her arm while balancing the ridiculous amounts of food he had bought for the two of them. “Nes, you don’t look very well. Are you okay?”

“I was gonna call you to cancel but then I got really tired and fell asleep. It was just really exhausting getting out of bed to go to the bathroom and kitchen so I had to rest on the sofa.” Nesta said softly. It was strange hearing the normally sharp-tongued Nesta sound so soft and sleepy. He had never seen her so vulnerable, and it made his heart swell.

“Why do you have your head against the doorframe sweetheart? You have a temperature too?”

��Yeah, I think so. Also, I’m a little dizzy right now. I’m not too bad when I’m ill usually, but the flu always affects my balance because once I had an ear infection.” She moved her head from the doorframe, turning her head to look at Cassian with those beautiful, sleepy eyes. As she moved her head, she swayed a bit, her grip tightening on the door frame as she did.

“Right, hang on a second,” Cassian said, quickly spurring into action and moving past her to put down the food he had bought on the kitchen counter, before rushing back to the front door, closing it and slowly guiding Nesta back to the sofa in her living area. Once he had Nesta safely seated, he let out a breath he had been holding.

“Thank you. You don’t have to stay, you know. As you can probably tell, I’m in no fit state to watch Lord of the Rings right now. Plus, the only correct way to do it is to marathon them and I don’t have the energy for that,” Nesta let out a small, sad-sounding sigh which sounded more like she was struggling to breathe as she lay herself down.

“That’s fine, we can watch Lord of the Rings another time. I don’t mind,” Cassian smiled at her softly as he grabbed the blanket at the foot of the sofa and covered her in it.

Nesta frowned. “You don’t have to stay,” she repeated.

“I know I don’t have to stay, but I want to stay.”

There was silence as Nesta looked at Cassian, confusion written all over her face plain as day. She never made it this easy to read her, but Cassian enjoyed the fact that for once, he might be able to guess what’s going on in her head.

“I… I don’t… why?”

“Why not? You’re ill, nobody else is here. I’m not going to let you deal with this on your own, especially when you tell me you’re getting dizzy. It’s not safe. Plus, I don’t mind what we do, even if it’s just sitting here and watching some mindless TV while you doze off. I just wanted to spend time with you.”

“Oh,” was all Nesta could say to Cassian’s confession. He couldn’t be sure, but she almost sounded shocked? But surely not, because he always told her how much he enjoyed talking to her.

“Okay, so have you had any food, water or medicine today?” Cassian asked, getting into his ‘nurse Cassian’ way of thinking, as Azriel had lovingly named it back when Azriel had been very ill when they were younger. Cassian just couldn’t help himself, he always felt the need to protect those he loved.

“I had some water and 2 cookies when I woke up. I fell asleep pretty soon after so I haven’t had anything else yet.”

Cassian frowned. “Nesta, it’s now past 6. Are you telling me that all you’ve had today is 2 cookies and a glass of water? What the fuck!”

“I fell asleep, that’s why! I only just woke up when you knocked on my door. Plus, it’s not so bad, I woke up at 1 pm today so it’s only been a few hours,” Nesta said defensively, a little sharpness returning to her voice.

“No wonder you’re feeling dizzy, you’ve not had any medicine or anything of nutritional value to eat, and most of the day has passed! Come on, what do you want to eat? Anything specific?”

“I don’t care as long as it’s not soup. I’m not dying, I still want real food, and soup never tastes good. Plus, I used to have it all the time when I was younger, it reminds me too much of starving and shoving random things in a pot to make ‘soup’ that we would have tiny little portions of so that it would last us a week.”

Cassian has never heard Nesta talk about their childhood. He knew from Feyre how tough things had been, but Nesta had never once spoken about it. He had always assumed that she didn’t care, and from what Feyre had told them, both her and Elain had pretended nothing was happening. Perhaps, Cassian mused, there was more going on there too, more than what she had let her sisters see.

“Okay, no soup. I made a pasta bake so we could always have that. It just needs to go into the oven for a little while. Does that sound good to you?” Nesta nodded, making Cassian smile.

He was glad that his pasta bake would come to good use. He was just glad that despite the fact that Nesta probably didn’t want him here, she didn’t seem to be kicking him out. He wanted to be able to help her and look after her. She hated people seeing her vulnerable, he knew that, and he was honoured that she was putting up with him and allowing him to be there for her.

Cassian walked over to the kitchen, put the oven on and pulled some dishes out of Nesta’s cupboards while the oven warmed up. Once the oven was warmed up, he put the pasta bake into the oven and set a timer on his phone, making sure it was on vibrate so it didn’t make too much noise and startle Nesta.

While he had been rattling around in the kitchen, Nesta had put the TV on and started Netflix up and was looking through to find something to watch. She eventually decided on Queer Eye but had the volume on very quietly, so it was just some comfortable background silence. Cassian glanced at her on the sofa and saw her struggling to keep her eyes open.

“Where do you keep your medicine?” Cassian asked, deciding he should also see what she had in her medicine cupboard too.

“There’s some in the small cupboard right at the end and then there’s some stuff in the bathroom cupboard too,” Nesta answered, jolting at the sound of his voice as she kept almost falling asleep. Cassian could see that she was fighting valiantly to stay awake. She would probably fight the illness with the same kind of energy and knowing Nesta, be fine in no time through sheer determination alone.

Cassian looked through the cupboards and managed to find some lemsip tablets in the bathroom, as well as the powdered stuff in the kitchen. “Do you want lemsip powder or tablets?” he asked as he walked towards her, holding both up in his hands.

“Ugh, the tablets for sure. The powered stuff tastes like shit. I used to suffer through it and drink that shit until Feyre told me that there was a tablet form of it.” Nesta looked at the offending powder with disdain, narrowing her eyes at it as though it had offended her.

“Okie dokie! The powder stuff is definitely evil. I don’t know how we’re expected to drink it. It does not taste like lemon and lime, it tastes like lies and poison.” Cassian said, throwing the powder back into the cupboard.

His phone started buzzing in his pocket and he quickly went to take the pasta out of the oven. He quickly plated it up for Nesta, putting it on the coffee table in front of her along with the biggest glass he could find, full of water. He then went to get his own plate and water and sat beside her.

Nesta looked at him suspiciously and then looked at the pasta in front of her. Cassian just grinned at her and started eating. Nesta watched him for a minute, before following his lead. Cassian knew as soon as she had put the fork in her mouth because Nesta let out a positively sinful moan.

“Fuck, that’s amazing,” Nesta said, looking over at Cassian, her eyes widened with shock.

Cassian felt his cheeks heat a little, a combination of her praise and the incredibly sexy noise she had let out. He would usually have made a dirty comment after hearing a noise like that, but he decided to hold back for once, only going easy on Nesta because she was ill.

Nesta ate the food at a slightly alarming pace, and Cassian was half worried that she would choke on her food at the speed she was eating, and was on edge just in case he needed to quickly stop her from choking. Nesta didn’t pay him any attention, eating and watching Queer Eye.

When her plate was empty, she drank some of her water. Cassian got up, taking both the plates to the sink and grabbing the cold and flu tablets and handing them to Nesta. She silently took one, before lying back down again.

Cassian turned back to the kitchen when he heard a soft “thank you” coming from the sofa. He stopped in his tracks, not quite sure he had heard it right. He looked at the TV, wondering if he had just heard it from that, and then looked at Nesta, who was watching him.

“Sorry, did you say something?” Cassian asked as he started washing their dishes.

“I know you heard me, don’t ruin it now by being a bastard.” Cassian simply raised his eyebrow at her, before drying his hands and putting cling film on the remaining pasta and putting it in the fridge. “I said, thank you.”

“You’re welcome, I’m glad you enjoyed the food,” he said, sitting down near Nesta’s feet. She lifted them to make room for him. As he sat down, he pulled her feet back into his lap. “How are you feeling now?”

“Better. I guess you were right about the whole food thing making me feel better.”

“Wow, who would’ve thought we’d see the day where Nesta Archeron admits I was right?” Cassian said, feigning shock. Nesta huffed and gave his leg a light kick. “But seriously, you knew the food would make you feel better. You should take better care of yourself. Or maybe, let others in to take care of you from time to time. Like this, us right now.”

“But I don’t need anyone to take care of me,” Nesta said, not angry, the way she had said those words many times in the past. Just softly, stating a fact, but her voice tinged with confusion.

“Look, Nesta, admitting that you need help occasionally doesn’t mean you’re weak. Everyone needs help from time to time. Needing someone to take care of you when you’re ill doesn’t mean you’re needy or dependent or a burden on someone, it just means you’re human. And believe it or not, not everyone is out to get you. There are people in your life who would gladly help you, and ask for nothing in return.”

“Like you?” she looked at Cassian with an emotion etched on her beautiful face that he had never seen before. It was hope, softness, and perhaps maybe even fondness for him, all rolled into one.

“Nesta Archeron, I would drop everything to come and help you with whatever you needed, however stupid or mundane you might think it is.” Nesta looked away, and let a small smile grow on her face. Cassian had seen Nesta smile before, don’t get him wrong, but they were more smirks and ‘I’ll kill you’ smiles, in the heat of their arguments. This smile was something different altogether, and it reminded him of how Nesta truly took his breath away.

“I’m tired,” Nesta said after a few minutes of silence.

“Okay, well then you need to sleep.” Cassian stood up, switching the TV off, pulling the blanket off of her and picking her up. She barely weighed anything, which worried Cassian. He didn’t want to annoy Nesta by monitoring her eating habits, especially because he didn’t know why she was so underweight and that could be a risky move, but he hoped he would be able to get her to eat more. He’d even cook for her himself if she wanted.

Nesta, surprisingly, did not react when he picked her up. She just put her arms around his neck and stared at him as he carried her into her room. He placed her softly onto the bed, took her dressing gown off her and hung it up, then tucked her into bed. He then went back into the living room, picked her glass up from the coffee table, filled it up with fresh water and put it on her bedside cabinet, next to some more cold and flu tablets. He then turned to leave Nesta in peace, when she called out for him.

“Cassian?”

“Yes, sweetheart?” He asked, turning around. “Do you need anything else?” Nesta nodded, then gestured for him to come closer.

He walked closer until he was looming over her bed. She slowly reached out for his hand, and kissed the back of it, then let go and smiled at him. “Thank you, for taking care of me.”

“Is that what the kiss was for?” Nesta nodded. “Well sweetheart, if you want to thank me then there are plenty of ways you can thank me when you’re feeling better,” he smiled.

“I would’ve kissed you properly now but I don’t want you to get ill either. I’m nowhere near as good of a nurse as you are.”

“What you might lack in the care department, you could make up by wearing a sexy nurse costume.” he wriggled his eyebrows suggestively at her.

She laughed. “I think that would make you stay sick for longer.”

“I think you’re right,” he said, joining her in her laughter.

Nesta’s laughter subsided. She stared at him openly, her eyes roaming all over him. “Will you stay?” she said eventually, so quiet he could’ve missed it if there wasn’t total silence around them.

“Stay here?” he asked dumbly, not quite believing she would want him to continue to intrude, especially when she was about to sleep.

“Yes. Stay with me, please,” she said, her soft sleepy voice returning, her eyes starting to close before she opened them again. Cassian could see how much force and effort it was taking for her to keep her eyes open. He nodded, not trusting himself to speak. He grabbed Nesta’s armchair, where she no doubt spent many an hour reading her romance books, and pushed it until it was close enough to the bed that Nesta could reach out for him if she wanted.

He sat down on the chair, and Nesta instantly grabbed his hand, the same one she had kissed. He watched as she drifted off in a matter of minutes, the medicine making sleep come to her a lot quicker than usual. Even as she drifted off, she did not stop holding his hand at all. Cassian ran his thumb over the back of her hand softly, repeating the motion as he stared at the beautiful woman before him. He wasn’t entirely sure this wasn’t a dream, but if it was he never wanted to wake. Nesta’s face was much more relaxed now she was asleep, the frown lines and pursed lips smoothed out. She looked, younger, and almost carefree, apart from the clear signs of fatigue that lined her face. The bags under her eyes were prominent, and Cassian knew she studied into the night, working herself too hard.

Still, Cassian mused to himself, perhaps now that Nesta had let him in, he could convince her to take better care of herself. He needed to make sure that she knew that Cassian was in this for the long haul, and perhaps she would lower her walls more, and finally let him in.

As he drifted off to sleep, still holding her hand, he realised that perhaps she already had let him in.

End Notes: Thank you to everyone who is reading! Please let me know what you thought of it. Also, I've realised that perhaps some of the things I mentioned are very British? I'm not entirely sure but I figured I'd give an explanation just in case.

Yorkies are a chocolate bar, which used to have the slogan 'not for girls' which is obviously very dumb. They changed it years ago, however, before they changed it, when I was younger, I ate the chocolate bar out of spite because the slogan and some boys said I couldn't do it. The adrenaline rush was just wow, a lot at the time for an 8-year-old.

Lemsip is medicine for colds and flu. Most people tend to have the powdered stuff, which you have to mix into boiling water and drink like its tea. It claims to be lemon and lime flavoured but it's actually just lies and makes me gag because it's disgusting. I was very offended because I suffered for all these years but then my sister told me there were tablets too??? Betrayal??? Nobody bothered to tell me???

[everlarkficquestions]

Sunday Stumped Day 31

It’s another Sunday Stumped Day!

Sometimes we straight out get stumped. So every few months we will pick a Sunday when we’ll post of a list of asks that we need your help on.

If you know the answer to any of these asks please shoot us a message/ ask/  with the Post number and the fic details and we’ll add it and give you a shout out with our thanks. Any links you can provide will also be super helpful.

Thanks!

Post 1 , Post 2 , Post 3, Post 4, Post 5, Post 6, Post 7, Post 8, Post 9, Post 10, Post 11, Post 12, Post 13, Post 14, Post 15, Post 16, Post 17, Post 18, Post 19, Post 20, Post 21, Post 22 , Post 23, Post 24, Post 25, Post 26, Post 27, Post 28, Post 29 , and Post 30 can be found here - and there are still fics we need your help with.

521. bnedd said to everlarkficquestions:

Hi! I’m looking for a fic I read awhile ago. it’s post mockingjay and Peeta still has bad episodes. Gale comes back and the story shows her process of choosing Peeta over gale and one thing I really remember about it is that Peeta has a bad episode in katniss’s room and destroys it and snaps her favorite bow in half.  Thanks in advance!

522. 19fundiesandcounting said to everlarkficquestions: 

Any fics where Katniss fakes an orgasm?

523. thefuckingstory said to everlarkficquestions:   

hi i'm looking for a fic with everlark building up to having sex after the end of the series and working through trauma together.  i think katniss masturbates in the lake at one point.

524. imaginationgirl555555 said to everlarkficquestions:      

Looking for katniss/peeta fanfic. Katniss asked peeta over, believe baby was involved, he found out she is actually goigg on date, try's to persuade her not to go but she leaves. Ends up in her car crying at the restraunt where she was supposed to meet Cato for date. She ends up leaving to go to peeta

525. brithna said to everlarkficquestions:     

Looking for two fics. I remember a lot of it takes place in the tour... Pretty and and heavy. I think there was one part where they were on the train trying to climb to top just to see if they could. It pisses me off that I can't remember more because that's not a lot to go on, I know.   Another one -- the team pretty much helps some woman (I think) to jump off the train and get to D4. That's all I can remember...

526. brithna said to everlarkficquestions:  

Also looking for fic where katniss' mom tears Peeta's mom a new ass because she hit him then he basically moves in with them?

527. mellarkablegirl said to everlarkficquestions:     

Hello! It's me again. Sorry about the tonnes of asks. But I just wanted to know if anyone has everlarked the movie 'No Reservations ' ? The one with Catherine Zeta Jones and Aaron Eckhart.  Cause its practically begging to be . Also all the characters in the movie fit so well into the THG universe.  Once again I'm sorry about the influx of asks🙈

528. mandelion82 said to everlarkficquestions:       

I'm looking for an Age Gap fic where Peeta is Katniss’s teacher and they play piano together. In the end, he asks her father for permission to take her out.

529. waywardangel-wilds said to everlarkficquestions:            

Hi! I read a fic a long time ago that I cannot remember the name of it or anything. I remember that Katniss and Peeta had been arguing, or were just mad at each other for a while. Peeta went to town and was standing outside his house talking to a girl holding a laundry basket (delly I think?) And Katniss was so pissed at both of them that she shot an arrow at the porch column behind them.

530. 19fundiesandcounting said to everlarkficquestions:                                    

Any fics where Katniss dies in the quell?

531. saltyfacedelusion said to everlarkficquestions:                               ��            

Hi! I remember reading a small FIC, similar to the Final eight by fernwithy. A “five times”story. Gale watches the games and the first and second and comments on some points (actions, words of Peeta, of course kisses:)) angry and jealous. I looked at your jealous Gale sheet, but I didn't see anything like it.  Looking for a week, desperate ((Can you think of something?)

532. wendywobbles said to everlarkficquestions:                                                

Hello! I was hoping you could work your story finding magic for me. I remember reading a story ages ago. Katniss gets hurt, Peeta is a nurse and in her medicated state she sings to him  or  is super vocal about how cute he is. Gale catches it on his phone and it ends up online. It was a very sweet story, I’d love to read it again. Thanks 🙂

533. i-am-batman-chick said to everlarkficquestions:        

Hey,  Thanks for keeping up on this. I was wondering if you could help me find a story I read a while ago. I can't remember much but Katniss and Peeta were both going back into the arena. I remember there being a part where they were on the roof and Joanna was peeking out of the door watching them. I think she didn't believe they were really an item. I'm not too sure but I think when they were in the arena they were also talking about how they broke into Haymitchs and stole his alcohol too. TIA

FOUND! Catching Fire: Rekindling- Jamie Sommers The Johanna roof spying happens in Chapter 18  (Thank you, @icbiwf!)

534. hersheys-oranges said to everlarkficquestions:   

Hello, I’m trying to find this EverLark fanfic where I think they’re both campaign managers. Peeta is from an influential family and Katniss is from a common background. I think the author was gonna rewrite the story from either Katniss or Peeta’s POV because the first version was very well-taken. Thank you. :)

535. suenosyutopias said to everlarkficquestions:   

katniss cheats on peeta with gale and peeta stays with katniss because prim comes to visit (sorry my english)

536. weepingmilkshakesandwich said to everlarkficquestions:                            

Hi! Any fics where Katniss wears Peeta's jacket or shirt and other people notice?

The Bet by amelia_day, Peeta’s sweatshirt (Thank you, @567inpanem​!)

537. ryookineko said to everlarkficquestions:                                                      

Hi Guys, I am looking for a Pride and Prejudice type fanfic where Peeta is a merchant and Gale is like a dark bad Darcy. Katniss and Prim lives with Haymitch and Effie is like their governess trying to get Katniss married. I tried the master lists but couldn’t find it. Thanks!

FOUND Prospects & Propriety - juniebugg                

538.

do you have any 5+1 or 4+1 fics?

539.  the-fire-might-be-shooting-at-us said:                                            

Hi! I'm looking for a fit where Peeta doesn't mention Katniss or his love for her in THG and so after the games he basically gets turned into Finnick 2.0. I think there was an unrequited Katniss/Gale relationship at some point but I'm not sure.

540. bethpeaches123 said:                                            

Hi, you wonderful people! I’m looking for a fic where Peeta is a teacher/prof and Katniss is a student and they run into each other at a coffee shop one night and instead of her taking the bus he drives her home. Anyone know which fic I’m talking about? That’s literally the only thing I remember because I kept picturing the coffee shop i frequent. Thank you for your help!!

FOUND!  The Professor by atetheredmind. (Thank you @mrspeetamellark​ and @sunsetsrmydreams​!)

541. mellarkablegirl said to everlarkficquestions:                                                

the second one where Katniss's mother sells her villa/cottage to Peet and Finnick who open a restaurant or bed and breakfast there. I think Katniss moves back in with her mother when this happens .

542. allonsycaptain said to everlarkficquestions:                                                

hey, could you please help me find a fic? i read it this summer, in the story peeta and katniss were taking pills to treat their depression/ptsd, and then they stopped taking them because they couldn’t have sex because of them, and then they were sick later and felt terrible because they stopped taking them.. thank you for your help:)

FOUND! Cold Embers - lieselmemengers (Thank you, @rosegardeninwinter!)

543. Hey guys thank your for all the hard work! I am searching for a fic that I dont remember its name, is about Katniss and Peeta being a couple and one night at a party Delly kisses Peeta and Katniss decides to return home by herself walking on the street and someone kidnapps her for years, she has a miscarriage from her rapist but she manages to escape. The rest of the fic is of her coping from the trauma and Peeta helping her. — aloe--verga 

544. hungergamesfangirl02 said to everlarkficquestions:                                    

Hii! Do yall know of a fic where Katniss is taken hostage into the Capitol. And either she had intimacy or is pregnant with Peeta. And she gets hijacked to think Peeta is bad and that he raped her. And then Peeta is the Mockingjay. And when Katniss is rescued, and she talks to herself. And when she can tell what happened to her, Gale beats up Peeta.

545. justanotherrandomaccount9999 said to everlarkficquestions:                    

Hi! Do you know any fics where Katniss saw Peeta with another girl after the 74th Games but before the Quarter Quell? Thanks.

546. 19fundiesandcounting said to everlarkficquestions:                                    

Hi, I’m looking for a fix where everyone in district twelve, the victors and everlark were escaping a peace keeper attack through tunnels that led to district 13 but Finnick and katniss got captured. Also I believe that Cato and glimmer were torturing them. Thanks

547. myhopesareanchoredinyou said to everlarkficquestions:                            

hey! i’m looking for a fic (i thiiink it was on fan fiction. com or whatever) where gale gets reaped instead of katniss and peeta and katniss and peeta and gale are friends and gale thinks katniss is in love with her and katniss and peeta have sex in the meadow and katniss gets pregnant and they have to get married? they get married and katniss wears her moms dress?

A Mistake – VMA1998

548. redhoodhungergames said to everlarkficquestions:                                    

Hey! I don’t know too much about the fic but I’ll just list what I remember •Peeta and Katniss have sex in a kitchen, and in order to not make noise she bites onto his neck•peeta and gale are Gaurding some place and gale either sees the mark or peeta mentions it and he’s like “damn, she bit you?” (Gale doesn’t like Katniss here.)That’s...about all I remember, they weren’t sent into the games here if I recall correctly but I believe they exist Anyway I hope this is enough!

549. bethpeaches123 said to everlarkficquestions:                                            

Hi, first of all, thank you so much for the work you do with this, it is so appreciated and impressive how much knowledge you have! The fic I’m looking for is when Katniss and Peeta have won the Games and (I think) are forced to get married, and they get envelopes and have to go to The Capitol and have sex while paying customers watch? And at one point, they’re performing for a couple of men and one of them tries to join them I think? I’ve been doing some digging around but can’t for the life of me find it. TIA!!

550. craftydiva0828 said to everlarkficquestions:                                                

Thanks in advance and maybe I'm losing it but... Is there a fic where Katniss is pregnant during the Quell and they call the baby "Banana nut bread". I think they also communicate in sign language or silently.

FOUND! Catching Fire: Rekindling- Jamie Sommers  (Thank you, @blackberrysweater and @superchocovian!)  

Do any of these fics ring a bell? Please let us know!

[lostatseattle]

“Come on, stay with me!” broomas :')

the moment he saw the ceiling start to crumble, his reaction was immediate. he didn't think at all as he rushed forward and shoved brooke out of the way of falling concrete. the trouble was, he'd put himself directly in the danger zone. his arms came up instinctively, useless against the several tonnes of debris that pinned half his body to the ground. a pained groan came as he made the mistake of trying to pull himself out from beneath the rubble. he was trapped. and something was definitely broken.  

tommy's unit had been called to the hospital over an explosion, but his worry had never been with himself. it had been for brooke, the second he realised she was still in the building he had to be part of the search and rescue. that was his priority. even as he lay there, he turned his head and his eyes searched for her. 

before he could properly focus, she was already by his side. he opened his mouth to speak her name, but it was becoming increasingly hard to breathe. when tommy tried to move again, he could barely even lift his hand. 

every part of him was trying to give up, but when he looked up at brooke, he couldn't let go that easily. was it a privilege to know that he was dying? 

"come here," he managed feebly, trying to raise his hand as the siren fitted to his uniform started to wail. tommy had taken his gloves off when he had been trying to help victims out, so his hand remained bare if a little bloody. he turned the siren off with another agonised grunt. 

he wanted to be heard. 

trying to take a deep breath, blue eyes rose to meet green. "come here," he repeated, raising his hand just high enough to fit against her cheek. his fingers gently brushed through her hair but he didn't have the strength to push it back. "i love you," he reminded her.

as her protests came, he shook his head once and shushed her. "not now." usually, he could listen to her talk all day. to think he'd never have that honour again. was he scared of dying or was he scared of all the things he'd be missing? there was no time to think about that. briefly, he wondered if his life was supposed to flash before his eyes. it wasn't. but maybe that's because it was sitting in front of him.

tommy tried to take another breath, but he couldn't inhale deep enough. the rubble shifted slightly, digging into his chest. a groan followed, but he held on. "i love you," he reminded her hoarsely, his fingers pressing against her skin. his eyes were out of focus, but he was trying. "and i love iris. and i love-" he swallowed as tears of pain bubbled up in his eyes.

"you tell her that. you tell her- you tell her she's my girl. always will be. you remember that too." tommy clenched his hand into his hollow fist, his knuckles brushing up against her cheek. "my girls." his lips trembled. he wasn't ready. "i'm sorry." hot tears trickled down his cheeks. the last time he’d feel them there. the last time he’d feel. “you’re gonna be okay.” 

tommy wanted to try and move again but it was an impossible task. “you’re my best thing.” a quiet reminder. he couldn't hold his arm up any more, it fell limply to his side. knowing the risks of the job and ending up on the other side wasn't how he thought he'd go out. not really. he was always one of the lucky ones. 

the lucky ones — he thought of his sister then. how long she had waited to talk to him about beverly's death. how he knew she'd never really gotten over losing a sister like that. would she manage to get over this? she had to. deep down he already knew that was impossible. he wouldn't if it was the other way around. i'm sorry maggie. 

and his parents, his mother who he knew secretly hoped he'd stick with fixing cars. i'm sorry, mom. 

his eyes flickered shut as he struggled to stay conscious. he could hear brooke's voice right next to him, felt her hands in his hair. 

“come on, stay with me!” 

he wished he could. 

but tommy slipped away. 

( @seattlites )

[brazilhunter561]

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[nebulawritings]

A Mistake and a Choice Part Four (and a bit)

Part four (and a bit). This is kind of a filler part. I’ve had a few requests from people asking me to carry this on, and I don’t currently have a job to go to, so why the heck not. It’s short and sweet, Bryce x MC centric. FYI mentions of polyamory so if you don’t like that don’t read it. Simple. Thanks again for the comments, some awesome messages which makes my day to read. Enjoy reading, likes, comments etc etc always appreciated.

EDIT

Posted again due to spam. Hyperlinks not working as on mobile but will fix in the morning. FYI I hate Tumblr mobile for making posts.

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

Part Four

Part Four (and a bit)

Book: Open Heart, Book 2 [Choices Stories You Play]

Pairing: M!DrValentinexEthan M!DrValentinexBryce

Reading Time: ~ 5 minutes

Warning: Swears.Fluff ahead.

_________________________________________

The light filtered through his bedroom blinds, harsh and unwelcoming as it pulled the young doctor from his slumber. Blinking the sleep and blur from his eyes, Casey enjoyed the brief 30 second moment where he didn’t remember why he was laying on top of the duvet on his bed, fully clothed save for his shoes which were tossed on the floor. But, all too soon the previous nights events hit him like a tonne of bricks. “Oh God…” he groaned, burying his face in the comforter beneath him. It wasn’t so much that he was heartbroken, but embarrassed and ashamed of what had happened including the fact the Bryce had seen him like that. “There is no way I’m getting up today” came a muffled groan, although luckily he’d arranged to have the whole weekend off anyway. The young Doctor struggled out of his pants, socks and jumper before crawling underneath the sheets, trying to hide from everything that had happened. He couldn’t face it…Not yet.

“Casey, if you don’t get up in five minutes I swear to God I’m going to throw a bucket of cold water on you”.

The yelling from the door awoke him, and Casey poked his head out of under the sheets. “Shuddup, Jackie!” he yelled back, throwing a pillow at the door. “I’m not working today!”.

“I know!” came a reply, “but for the tenth time you’ve got a visitor and if I have to make small talk for much long I’m going to go insane”.

“Tell them to go away” he muttered half-heartedly, burying his head back down into his pillow.

“Oh for the love of; just go in there” he heard Jackie say, someone else responding in a muffled tone. Casey groaned and threw another pillow at the door, just as it opened, hitting the guest square in the face.

“Hi to you too, sleepy head”.

“Bryce!” Casey exclaimed, scrambling to sit up. “I-I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were there”.

The reply was laughter, and the surgeon gently closed the door behind him. “Hey, no worries. A strange guy barging in your room, I get it. I’m just glad you didn’t hit lunch”. He held up a paper bag and two cups of coffee.

“Lunch? Oh man, what time is it?”. Casey sat up properly, rubbed his face and tried to feebly fix his hair which was sticking up all over the place.

“Um…Just er, just past two”.

“You okay? You sound a bit nervous”.

“Oh, me? Yeah, totally fine. Just…you know…” he gestured to Casey’s half naked body, sheets curled around him like the damn Venus de Millo.

“Oh! Shit, sorry er let me just…” Casey leaned over, more of the covers slipping down his body and revealing his toned chest and back making Bryce swallow hard. “I’ve got a jumper somewhere…” he leaned even further, grey boxers peeking out from beneath the sheet. If Bryce hadn’t been holding two hot cups of coffee, he wondered if he’d be able to keep his hands to himself.

“There…Sorry” Casey smiled, albeit a bit awkwardly, now wearing the slouch grey sweater from the previous night.

“Don’t apologise” Bryce said, smiling easily as he sat down next to Casey on the bed. “I mean, that just gave me a huge flashback as to why I’m so into you in the first place”.

“Oh don’t, I’m a complete mess” Casey laughed, gratefully taking the hot drink and pastry Bryce had bought over. “So…What brings you here? Unless you were hoping to catch me half naked”.

“Well, not just that” Bryce responded, grinning now. “I was just worried I guess. About you…About last night. You were in such a state, Case”.

The diagnostician nodded glumly, and looked to the floor, playing with the plastic coffee cup. “I was…Am. I don’t know”.

“I don’t wanna pry, but…I kinda also had an ulterior motive for coming over?”.

Casey looked back at Bryce, who was serious in his expression. “Oh?”.

“I’m not blind, Casey. It doesn’t take a hotshot Doctor like you to work out you were waiting for someone last night for a hook-up or whatever, and they didn’t show. I just…I want a straight answer, I guess? You know how I feel about you, and I didn’t come here to upset you more or stress you out, and if you want me to go just tell me and I’ll leave but…I really, really like you Casey. Like, like you…But if there’s someone else or you’re not into me then I’d rather know”.

Casey sighed, guilt knotting in his stomach. “You’re not wrong” he answered, shaking his head. “But it wasn’t just a hookup. It was with someone I’ve been waiting for, and…I don’t know, he means a lot to me in lots of different ways”.

Bryce nodded, thinking carefully. “It’s Dr Ramsey, right?”.

Casey almost spat out the coffee he’d been drinking, and his head snapped to Bryce. “How did you-“.

“You’re phone” Bryce admitted, rubbing the back of his neck. “I didn’t mean to, I swear, but last night when I dropped you off your phone was left in the cab. I mean I’ve suspected for a while that something’s been going on between you two. Then, about 5am this morning, your phone lit up with an onslaught of messages, missed calls, voicemails…All from him”.

Casey laughed, sadly. “Well, you’re right. It was him. I was foolish enough to think he might want to be with me, and look where it got me. Clown numero uno”.

“Hey!” Bryce snapped, “if anyone’s the clown here, Casey, it’s Dr Ramsey! If you’d been waiting for me, there is no way I would’ve missed it, no matter what happened! I’d never make you feel like you did last night, I’d never let you down or humiliate you or make you search for help from someone else”.

Casey looked away. “I was wrong to contact you last night, I just…”

“You like me, right?”.

Casey looked over at Bryce. “Of course I do”.

“You like like me, right?”.

“….Bryce…”.

“You’ve been avoiding being with me because you’ve been waiting for him, right? When he pissed off to the Amazon for God knows how long you were being faithful, you didn’t sleep with me, because you thought you had something with him, right?”.

“…Yes”.

Bryce took a deep breath, a small smile on his lips. “You don’t know how relieved I am that this has been going on”.

Casey’s brow furrowed and he frowned, confused and a little hurt. “Relieved? Why the hell would you be relieved?”.

“Listen, Casey, I’ve been in all sorts of relationships before. Threeway, fourway, I’m with her and she’s with him way. I thought you didn’t like me! I thought that’s why you were staying away from me! It doesn’t bother me who you’re with, me and someone else at the same time, whatever. You can want to be with more than one person. It doesn’t make you an asshole, it just means you’ve got a lotta love to give, Casey”.

The other man felt tears welling in his eyes. “I had to choose, Bryce, and I…I chose Dr Ramsey. But he didn’t choose me. I don’t know how that makes me feel. I was so certain and now…I don’t know, man”.

Bryce reached out, and cupped Casey’s cheek in his hand. “I would never make you choose” he said softly. “As long as I get to be a part of whatever’s going on in your life, I’m game. I know it’s not the orthodox way of doing things, and people have called me easy and seconds and all sorts of other shit just because they think you can only be with one person at one time but that’s not how I feel. I can’t help how I feel…What I feel about relationships. About you. And I want you, Casey, I want you to be mine so damn much”.

Casey closed his eyes, shook his head. “Really? After everything that’s happened? All the shit I’ve put you through?”

Bryce laughed. “If I’ve learnt one thing, Case, it’s that something that’s worth it is never easy or straightforward. But that makes it all the sweeter in the end”. Bryce gently leaned forwards, and placed a kiss on Casey’s forehead. “You, Casey Valentine, are worth it". He moved away. "That’s all I came to say. I’m sorry for bombarding you after such a rough time, but I felt like I was going to explode if I didn’t tell you how I felt. To let you know that, no matter what, you’ve got me. Always”. He stood up, brushed himself off. “I’ll…go now” he said calmly. “I don’t expect an answer straightaway, I know how hard being let down can feel just…Think about what I said, okay? You know where I am when you’ve made up your mind”.

Casey nodded, clutching the coffee cup hard as he swallowed. “Bryce?”.

The surgeon turned around from where he had gotten up. “Yeah?”

“Thanks…For everything”.

“No worries. See you later?”.

Casey nodded, seeing that signature smile from the surgeon that made his heart flutter. “For sure”. The door shut, footsteps retreated down the hall, and the diagnostician took a deep, calming breath. “How could I of been so stupid” he muttered, scalding himself. Casey wasn’t the type of person to be strung along, or not get what he wanted. The past year had proven that to him more than any other part of his life, from back when he was a student clawing and fighting his way through medical school to be the best, because he’d decided he was going to go to Edenbrook and study under Dr Ramsey and Dr Banerji; to fighting and defeating big pharma so recently because they were withholding life saving treatments, and not letting people live the way they wanted to. “Stop fucking moping! Get a grip! What’s wrong with you, you’re Casey motherfucking Valentine!”. He stood up, put the coffee cup down so hard it spilled on the side. “When do you ever get screwed over? Never! Do you sit and whine like a bitch!? No!”. He was in front of the full length mirror now, glaring at himself. “You’ve been chasing your tail for months you total moron, and for what? To be stood up? To have the best damn thing that’s happened to you walk out the door? No freaking way!”. Without thinking a second longer, Casey bolted out of his room, sprinted through the apartment and out into the corridor. He saw the lift closing, and cursed to himself, before running for the stairs. He took them two at a time, slipping in bare feet across the mixture of carpet and cheap lino. Casey skid to a halt in the entrance way after too many damn flights of stairs, and his eyes darted around. “Bryce!” he yelled, panting, as he saw the other man at the door of the building.

“Casey!? Oh my God, what’re you doing!?” Bryce ran over to him, and quickly shrugged off his jacket, covered up Casey’s bare legs by wrapping it around his waist. “You’re half naked, dude!”.

“I know!” Casey said, breathless, “but I just wanted to say that I was fucking stupid, and you don’t need to wait for my answer any more, you’ve waited and waited all this time-“

“Casey”

“And I’ve been a complete dick and I’m sorry, I was so lost and confused and-”

“Hey, Case”

“So fucking stupid! But I just wanted you to know that-”.

His rambling was cut off by a kiss, and Casey returned the gesture eagerly, breathing hard through his nose from where he’d been running and ranting.

“Done?” Bryce muttered against his lips.

“Not nearly” Casey replied, feeling Bryce smile.

“Shall we take this conversation back to your room?”.

Having now calmed down a little, the Doctor glanced around, and flushed deep red, suddenly very aware of the various onlookers. “Er…Yeah. Right now”.

Bryce laughed and slipped his hand around Casey’s waist, guiding him back to the elevator.

“Is it wrong that I’m kinda turned on right now?” he teased, as they stepped inside the metal box.

“All kinds of wrong” Casey smiled back, "but you don't care, do you? About what other people think?".

"Nope".

Casey smiled. "That’s what I like about you”.

"Is that all you like?".

The diagnostician hit Bryce lightly, before finding his hand and linking their fingers gently. "One of many things, Lahela. One of many".

@xxmultiangela

[rackartyg]

something i always think about when it comes to people who are deeply critical of Solas -- which, like, i’m not saying anybody isn’t allowed to be. hate him if you want, god knows he’s not always the most likeable person around -- is, one of the foremost examples they tend to bring up that’s closest to being, like, an actual point is: Solas’ plan is going to lead to a tonne of people dying, most of Thedas’ population according to the man himself, and so it cannot possibly be okay. and i just can’t square that with the super popular opinion that Orlais, Tevinter, and the Chantry should be violently destroyed.

like, what do you think happens when major institutions are removed or destabilized? even if they’re corrupt as shit, like all three of those examples are, the result is always chaos, where lots of people die until an equilibirum is reached. because the infrastructure that those institutions provided, that society relied on, is now just gone with nothing to replace them.

empires are as a rule overhyped, but when Rome went, so did the Pax Romana. its core regions splintered into dozens of warring factions, where previously there was peace. in-universe, this happened to southern Thedas when Tevinter lost control of the south. the Pax Tevene, if you will. the chaos in the wake of the fall of the Tevinter Imperium is what gave rise to the first Inquisition and, you know, the Chantry, which, funnily enough, is what’s currently committing all those war crimes. you can argue that there’d be more justice if Orlais or Tevinter fell, which i don’t disagree with, but there would be more violence, too. like, Thedas hasn’t invented the geneva convention yet. war crimes aren’t technically a thing. they don’t even have rule of law.

and yet, it would be the quickest way to put an end to the injustices these institutions perpetrate, which must happen! most people in the da fandom agree with this! we don’t know much about what Solas is doing or just how badly he messed Thedas up by creating the Veil, but it’s safe to assume the answer is ‘pretty badly, and it has something to do with the Blight and might therefore lead to the end of the world’. and the Veil isn’t even like an institution, that could just be recreated once the upheaval settles. (The Tevinter Imperium with its slavery and blood magic fell, which led to the creation of Orlais and the Chantry, so we exchanged one bad thing for another thing that’s bad in a different, but also very similar, way.) the Veil is a law of reality that is either there or not there, and putting it back up is going to be next to impossible because you’ll need god-level power to do it. it’s a one-time, permanent fix, with a high upfront cost but potentially endless rewards. it’s an even better trade than violently throwing down Orlais, Tevinter, or the Chantry.

like, we’re cool with some change being violent but necessary. but not when it’s Solas doing it, to fix his own mistake. and i don’t get it.

[what-is-your-plan-today]

Stark Spangled Banner Ch4: Low Flying Stationery

Summary: Things are a little awkward between Katie and Steve after the near kiss and neither of them really know how to deal with it. And then Katie’s Ex shows up...

Pairing: Steve Rogers x O/C (eventually)

Warnings: Bad language (no smut, yet, but will be down the line) A bit of angst, flashbacks (in italics) ,a douchbag ex boyfriend and a sprinkling of fluff

May 2013

“Trouble sleeping?” a soft, female voice spoke, a touch of amusement in her tone. Her accent wasn’t local.

“I’ve slept for seventy years Ma’am.” he spoke as he continued to punch the bag. “I think I’ve had my fill”

“Then you should be out, seeing the world…” the voice said again, the clicking of heels indicating she was walking further into the gym.

“I went under, the world was at war, I wake up and they say we won. They didn’t say what we lost.”

“Yeah, well we’ve made some mistakes along the way.” she said simply “Some very recently…”

Steve woke up with a start. He hadn’t had that particular dream before, but it didn’t take a genius to work out why his mind had taken him back to that particular moment this time, perhaps the fact that this time he was the one who had made the big assed mistake the night before...

Glancing at his clock, he decided that 5:00 am wasn’t too early so he changed and headed out for a run, pounding his frustration out on the ground beneath his feet. Katie hadn’t responded to his messages, and he was so annoyed at himself for simply letting her walk out with no protest. He should have stopped her, gone after her, he realised that now. Instead he’d let her leave with the impression that their near kiss had been a mistake, when in fact, that couldn’t be further from the truth. It was official, he was the world’s biggest moron. He had to fix this, and he knew now that the only way to do that was to be honest. So, as he thundered round past the Lincoln Memorial for the 4th time he started to plan out exactly what he was going to say. By the time he got home an hour and a half later, and climbed into a scalding hot shower, he was feeling slightly more positive. 

He just hoped she’d hear him out.

***** After a night of tossing and turning, alternating between being angry at herself and pissed at Steve, Katie had also been up at a ridiculous time, but unlike Steve she had curled up on her sofa with a film, counting the minutes down until it was an acceptable time to call her brother.

“7 am?” Tony drawled as he answered “You wet the bed?”

“Fuck off” she shot back “No, just had a shitty end to yesterday and thought I’d call to hear a friendly voice. Beginning to wonder why I bothered.”

“Bad day?” Tony’s voice softened “Ok Kiddo, I’m all ears.”

“Nah don’t wanna talk about it.” Katie said, and she didn’t. There was NO WAY she was telling Tony about Steve and whatever the hell nearly went down. That was a whole shit storm she didn’t want landing at Steve’s feet. “I was just thinking I might come to Manhatten tomorrow, spend the weekend.”

“This is your home too you know.” Tony said “You don’t have to ask…although maybe ask J to check what you’re walking into as Pepper’s taken to wearing these really tight…”

“Ok too much information” she grimaced as Tony’s chuckle hit her ears “You’re nasty”

“I’m in love!” He said in a sing-song voice, making Katie roll her eyes.

“I never thought I’d see the day where you love someone more than yourself.” she joked back.

“Kiddo I’m offended at that.” Tony scoffed making her laugh. “I love lots of things more than myself.”

“Yeah, like what?”

“You, Pepper…” the line was silent for a few seconds before he finished “Nope, that’s it.”

Katie laughed “I’m honoured.”

“So you should be, it’s a very hard list to make.”

They talked for another half an hour about all sorts of crap, Katie simply happy to hear her brother’s voice as it had been weeks since she’s seen him, far too long in her opinion.

When she walked into work a bit later Clint and Natasha were already in the Tactical Ops office, eating a pastry each, both with a coffee in hand and she was touched, as always, to see one waiting on her desk for her. But not touched enough to let Barton get away with using her desk as a foot rest.

“Get your feet down…” Katie said, slapping at his legs.

“Rude…” he muttered, removing them and placing his feet on the floor “And I bought you coffee.”

“Which is both appreciated and needed.” she said, pecking him on the cheek. “Thank Hawkeye”

“You look like you aint slept all night.” Nat said, as Katie shrugged off her coat “Who is he?”

“I should be so lucky” Katie mumbled dropping into her chair. She didn’t tell them that the reason she hadn’t slept all night was thanks to a certain blue eyed super soldier, but not because he was in bed with her, more so because he wasn’t.

“Better take a nap this afternoon then.” Clint said “Want you on good form for the party.”

“What party?” Katie frowned.

“Rumlow’s 40th…”

She groaned, she had completely forgotten “That’s tonight?”

“Yeah.” Clint said, before he let out a snort as he looked over his shoulder at Nat “Now this is gonna be interesting.”

“What?” Katie frowned

“He’s referring to the fact I’ve been planning an outfit for a few days…” Nat said, examining her nails.

“Yeah and seeing you try and figure that out in a few hours Nova, is gonna be amazing…”

 “Not like I’m short of options, half the shit in my closet hasn’t seen the light of day in years.” she shrugged.

“You can always gift it to me…” Natasha quipped back

“Speaking of gifts, has anyone done a collection for Rumlow?” Clint said  “I mean it is his 40th party after all, we should probably get him something…”

 “Like what?” Nat asked.

“I dunno. What’s he into?” Clint pondered.

“I know what he’d like to get into.” Nat responded with a smirk “Stark’s pants…”

Clint let out a bark of a laugh as Steve walked through the door, expertly catching the pencil that Katie threw at the Archer.

“Beware low flying stationery…” he quipped as casually as he could, tossing the item onto the desk in front of Clint who leaned back in his chair, putting his feet back on the surface. Steve locked eyes with Katie for a second and he saw her take a deep, steadying breath before she looked over at Clint who responded to Steve’s joke.

“It wasn’t flying, it was thrown.” he smirked “Nova getting a little upset about Nat’s joke.”

“I wasn’t upset, it was just a shit joke.” Katie rolled her eyes

“But it’s true, that’s what’s so funny!” Clint snorted “Admit it, you know he’s after a bit…”

“Can we just change the subject, please?” she groaned, turning to the keyboard on her desk. She could feel Steve’s eyes burning into her and she tried to concentrate on the screen, ignoring him.

“You coming tonight Cap?” Clint asked

“Rumlow’s 40th?” Steve asked and Clint nodded

“Did everyone remember except me?” Katie looked round.

“Pretty much.” Nat nodded

Katie scowled.

“You’re a right ray of sunlight today.” Clint snorted at the expression on her face.

“I told you I’m tired.”

“Try going to bed and sleeping…” Nat quipped and this time it was a highlighter pen that flew across the room.

“Carry on and it will be a stapler.” Katie frowned. “I was alone, thank you. Unless you count my pillow, a pathetic rom-com and a hot chocolate…”

Steve looked down at his feet

“Oooh thrilling.” Clint said, and she glared at him as he laughed, holding his hands up.

“Anyway, Romanoff…” Steve deftly changed the subject “You ready for ops drill or…”

Nat groaned and pushed her chair back across the floor with a scrape. “Slave driver…catch you later Stark”

“Yeah see ya…” Katie said, turning to smile at her.

“I’m due on the range in 10 with the new recruits so…” Clint stood up and followed Nat before he stopped and turned back, glancing over his shoulder again before he spoke.

“Listen, don’t tell Widow I asked this but what’s the dress code for tonight? I better start sorting out what I’m wearing whilst I get chance…”

Katie smirked up at him, raising an eyebrow.

“You hypocrite! It’s smart casual and if you don’t want me to tell Nat, it’ll cost you a beer”

“A beer for your silence… why haven’t we done this trade before?”

“Fuck off!” she said, flicking him the finger as he disappeared out of the office leaving Steve and her alone.

 “Hey…” he said gently, testing the water “You alright?”

“Yeah” she said, turning to face him and he smiled, that fucking smile again. “Honestly I’m just tired.”

“You ran out on me.” he said, studying her face.

“You didn’t exactly stop me Steve.” she shot back and he sighed.

“I know.” he swallowed “But you could have messaged me back.”

“Sorry, I was just…” Katie ran her hand over her face “I don’t know what I was to be honest.”

“Listen.” he began, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. “I wanted to say that I-”

“It’s fine.” she said, quickly “I get it, it was an emotional day and I guess we just got caught up in it. I was all over the place so I expect you were too.”

Something inside Steve died a little. She had felt sorry for him, that was the only reason they’d shared that moment.  He struggled to keep his face straight as he shrugged, looking down at his hands, all thoughts of his planned speech flying out of his head.

“We’re ok, right?” Katie looked at him, and he looked up, smile fixed on his face.

“Sure doll.” he said, hopping off the desk. “Listen, I need to…” he pointed to the door.

Katie nodded. “I have a tonne of stuff to do. I wanna get home in time for a nap”

He chuckled. “So I’ll err, see you tonight?” he asked.

“Yeah, see you there.”

He nodded and then he left. As soon as he was clear of the room Katie let out a groan as she banged her head on the desk.

****** 

A wave of sound, both music and the noise of chatter hit Steve’s ears the minute he opened the door. He spotted Nat and Clint leaned against the bar and after saying hi to Rumlow and anyone else who greeted him he made his way over to the other 2 avengers and smiled.

“Hey Cap” Clint said, clapping him on his shoulder. “Beer?”

“Thanks Barton.” he nodded and Clint ordered his drink. He glanced around the room, looking for that familiar shock of brunette.

“She’s not here yet.” Nat said, simply and he looked at her.

“Right.” he said simply, accepting the beer.

“Nice shirt” Clint said, and he glanced down.

“Very modern.” Nat said,

“Romanoff…” Steve rolled his eyes “You’re a pain in my ass…”

“She’s a pain in everyone’s ass.” Clint said and Nat simply quirked an eyebrow at him and Steve gave a small chuckle as he took a slug of his beer.

“It’s one of my more endearing qualities.” she quipped.

Clint opened his mouth to say something but stopped as his eyes fell on someone and he smiled. Steve followed his gaze to see Katie making her way over. He had to stop his mouth falling open, she looked amazing. Tight black jeans, heels and a red top that plunged down her cleavage and tightened in to her waist before flaring out slightly. Her make up looked different, it was still light but she’d done something to her eye lids, it was a gold colour that made her eyes stand out even more.

Clint dropped a kiss to her cheek when she reached his side.

“About time…” he smiled “We thought you had got lost.”

“Yeah, sorry I needed a nap.” she said, nodding to Natasha and Steve, who flashed her a small smile which she returned, thankfully.

“You want a drink?” Clint turned back to the bar waving at the tender.

“Yeah, I’ll have a gin thanks.”

“I like this…” Nat said, her hand toying with the hem of her top. “New?”

“No, I dug it out from the doldrums of my closet.” she smiled, thanking Clint for the drink as he handed it to her. “I told you, I forget what’s in there sometimes.”

“Must be hard being so rich you can afford that many clothes you forget what you have.” She said, and Katie flipped her off drawing a snort from the red head.

 “Table over there…” Clint spoke, nodding over to the right. “Shall we?”

The 4 of them made their way over and settled into a comfortable conversation as normal, but both Katie and Steve were ridiculously aware of one another. The smells of cologne and perfume, the feel of his shirt clad arm as it brushed against hers when he moved, her laugh which rang out over the table…

It was torture for them both.

After 4 rounds of drinks however, Katie had started to relax a little, dare she even say enjoy herself, so it was bound to be a matter of time before something else went catastrophically wrong.

“Who’s round is it?” Clint announced “I’m ready for some shots…”

“Mine, I think.” Katie said, looking round for a waiter when someone talking to Rumlow caught her attention. Tall, short dark hair, black jeans and a white shirt. To anyone else the back of that man could have been anyone. But to Katie, well, she knew instantly who it was.

And her good mood sank as fast as it had been rising.

“Oh you have got to be fucking kidding me…” she mumbled. Steve who had felt her tense next to him looked down at her as Natasha frowned.

“What?”

“Ward’s here…”

Clint’s hand slipped and he almost sent the remainder of his beer flying as he scanned the room, his eyes narrowing.

“Ward as in, your ex Ward?” Steve asked, feeling the heat rise in his neck. She nodded. Across the table Clint was grinding his teeth.

Katie watched the back of her ex’s head, and then he turned to look around the room and their eyes locked. His mouth fell open slightly before he composed himself, and turned back to talk to Rumlow, running his hand through his hair, the way he always did when he was trying to act cool.

Katie snorted and turned back to the table.

“Want me to go punch him?” Clint asked, leaning over towards her. Steve found himself thinking that was a great idea.

Katie shook her head “Just ignore him. I am.”

After 3 further gin and tonics and 2 tequilas had worked their way through her system she found herself needing to pee. She excused herself and headed out to the bathrooms. Once she was gone, Clint shook his head.

“I cannot believe that fucking prick showed up.” Clint said, waving the waiter over “Damned it I hate him.”

“I gathered.” Steve smirked as Clint ordered another round of drinks.

“I mean…what the fuck…why is he even here?”

“Clint, don’t you think you’re overreacting a little?” Nat soothed.

“You didn’t see her Nat, that night when she caught him...she was a mess.”

“So was his car.” Natasha grinned and Clint snorted.

“His car?” Steve asked.

“Yeah…” Clint gave a small laugh. “She smashed up the body work…and I left 4 arrows in his tyres.”

Steve felt a surge of affection the archer as he looked at him. “You’re quite protective of her.”

“She’s like a sister to me.” Clint shrugged “she’s a good kid.”

Steve sighed and then looked around. There was no sign of Katie, or Ward. Something seemed a little off, like things weren’t quite right…

 “I’m gonna go check if she’s ok.” he said, missing the glance that Natasha and Clint shared as he stood up.

As it happens, Katie wasn’t ok. Nothing about walking out of the bathroom and bumping, literally, into your cheating fucker ex was ever going to be ok.

 “Hi K.” Ward said, as his hands gently grabbed round her arms steadying her, his familiar smell washed over her senses. She pulled back immediately, shaking off his grip.

“Don’t call me that.”

He sighed “C’mon…”

“What do you want, Grant?”

“Hey, you bumped into me.” he chuckled. “You look amazing by the way.”

She snorted, and looked away.

“Look, you know, I hate how we left things…”

“We?” Katie’s eyes locked back onto his as she let out a sarcastic laugh. “The only thing I left was your apartment after finding you in bed with some blond bimbo.”

“The biggest mistake of my life.” Grant sighed, “I honestly mean that…”

“Is this the part where you say sorry for cheating on me and beg for my forgiveness?” Katie watched as the dark brown eyes that she had once found irresistible bore into hers and she felt the anger simmering again. She’d worked so long to get this man out of her system, but here he was, daring to try and worm his way back round her. The sheer audacity of it was making her want to scream.

“I am sorry.” He said. “I genuinely am…”

“You’re sorry you got caught. There’s a difference.”

“No, that’s not it.” Grant shook his head. “There hasn’t been a single day where I haven’t thought about you and how I fucked up.”

He ran his hand through his hair and Katie shook her head.

“Let’s be honest, she wasn’t the first was she?” she looked up at him. Grant dropped his head and that was all the confirmation she needed. “Our relationship…it was a car crash.”

“I loved you.”

Seriously? He was trying that one? She looked at him, and then burst out laughing. “Oh Jesus…” She shook her head in disbelief and made to walk round him but he grabbed her arm.

“What’s so funny?”

“Let go of me.”

“I asked you a question…”

“And she asked you to let her go.” a familiar voice said and Katie looked up to see Steve stood in the corridor, hands on his belt buckle as the door to the main bar area swung shut behind him, causing the loud background noise to fade slightly. “She won’t be asking again.”

“Sorry…I…” Ward, let go of her arm as he composed himself.  “Captain Rogers. We haven’t been formally introduced. I’m-“

“I know who you are, Agent Ward” Steve said, without taking his hand, and he saw Ward’s jaw twitch, as his hand dropped back to his side.

“I see. ” Ward said, raising an eyebrow, looking from Katie, to Steve and he took a deep breath and nodded. “It was good to see you again, I meant what I said. I really am sorry.”

Katie didn’t reply, simply watched him leave as he brushed past Steve who moved to the side to let him pass, but only after shooting him one last contemptuous look before he turned back to Katie.

“Are you ok? Did he hurt you?” Steve frowned, stepping forward.

“Hurt me?” she frowned.

“Yeah, your arm?”

“Oh, no.” she said, shaking her head. “That was just weird.”

“Weird?” he frowned.

“Yeah, I mean, well for so long I thought about what I’d say to him when I eventually did see him again, you know, how much he hurt me, broke my heart but when I got the opportunity there, I realised I actually don’t give a shit anymore.”

Steve smiled “Good, I’m glad he didn’t upset you. You err, you wanna go back in?”

“Do you think anyone would notice if I left?” she shrugged “I don’t wanna be here. There’s a bottle of wine and a huge tub of ice cream at home with my name on it”

“Enough ice cream for 2?” Steve asked, looking at her, hoping to God she didn’t refuse. Not least because he wanted to spend time with her, but he wanted to make sure she really was ok.

Katie smiled, nodding, the fact that he cared so much didn’t pass her by. They were best friends after all. He grinned back, offering her his arm which she took as they made their way to the taxi rank.

*********

“I don’t know why you wear shoes so high if you can’t walk in them?” Steve said as Katie let out a groan, kicking them off as soon as they stepped out of the elevator.

“Because they look good and I’ve got my Super Soldier BFL to carry me when they hurt.” she teased, patting his arm. “Just gonna get changed, won’t be long.”

Whilst she was in the bedroom Steve grabbed a beer and poured her a glass of wine before carrying them over to the table. He had to stop himself from staring when she emerged all long legs and thigh tattoo, in a pair of denim shorts and a hoody. She dropped onto the sofa besides him, taking her wine and gulping down a large mouthful.

“You sure you’re ok?” he asked, looking at her.

“I’m fine, honestly.” she said.

“You know, before, when I saw him with his hands on you…” Steve sighed, shaking his head. “I really wanted to kill him.”

Katie smiled as she looked at him.

“You’ll have to get behind Tony. And Clint too for that matter.” She said, snorting “The Let’s Fuck Up Grant Ward list is pretty long.”

Steve looked down at his beer, before he took a deep breath.

“Well the guy is a dick.” he said, tilting side on so his arm was over the back of the sofa behind her. “If you were my girl I wouldn’t be looking twice at anyone else.”

She smiled “That’s because you’re a gentleman.”

“No.” he said, his blue eyes locking onto hers “It’s because you’re worth so much more than that.”

“Whatever Rogers” she said, rolling her eyes and biting back what she really wanted to say- why didn’t you come after me last night then?

Steve pressed his lips together in a firm line of frustration, and he looked down again before he looked back up at her. “Don’t…”

“What?”

“Do that.“

“Do what?”

“Put yourself down. You do it all the time” he sighed.

“I don’t.” she said, looking away.

“Yes, you do.” he said, shifting slightly, so that he was closer to her. “You think so little of yourself but you shouldn’t. You’re the most amazing woman I’ve ever met” he said, taking a deep breath, the hand that wasn’t draped around the back of the sofa tangled in hers. As she raised her eyes to look at him he was aware she looking at him the same way she had done yesterday, and once again the blood was pounding in his ears, his heart beating so rapidly he thought it might burst through his chest.

He knew then he had to make her understand, just how deep his feeling went. His hand gently moved from the sofa back to the side of her jaw where he simply cupped her face and she closed her eyes, leaning into his touch. She opened her eyes in time to see his gaze flicker to her mouth, before he leaned forward, a movement that was slow and seemed to take forever, until his lips met hers in a soft, sweet kiss that set every single nerve in her body on edge.  The entire world around them faded to nothing and they both relaxed as the kiss deepened slightly, his hand tangling into her hair as he slid his tongue gently across her bottom lip. She obliged, opening her mouth slightly as the hand that wasn’t in his gently reached around, landing on the back of his neck, fingers softly running along his hair line. Eventually they broke away and Steve gently slid his nose along hers unable to keep the smile off his face as their foreheads rest together.

“Where did you learn to kiss like that, Captain Badass?” she whispered and he gave a chuckle.

“To be honest with you…” he said, sitting up slightly, his right hand returning to where it had been before, resting on the back of the sofa “I don’t think I have until now.”

She grinned and tucked her hair behind her ear with a hand that was trembling from nerves, adrenaline and absolute pleasure at being kissed by the utter God of a man sat on her sofa.

“So err…” Steve said, licking his lips “I know this might be a little late, so to speak you out but I’d really like to take you out, you know, on a date?”

Was he kidding? As far as Katie was concerned he could take her anywhere he fucking wanted. She suddenly became aware she was chewing on her lip and hastily stopped, feeling the heat in her cheeks as she looked at him and nodded “Yeah, I’d like that.”

That crooked grin she knew and had come to love spread across his face.

“You free tomorrow?” he asked before hastily correcting himself “It’s Saturday, or is that too soon? We could always go next weekend instead if you want or-”

“Steve…” she cut him off, gently squeezing her fingers round his “tomorrow is fine.”

“Great, tomorrow…that’s…great…” he trailed off as Katie held his gaze.

The air between them seemed to crackle and this time it was her that initiated the kiss. This one was slightly deeper, the fire in her belly was hotter and that naughty part of her would have loved nothing more than to throw her hands round his neck and pull him down on top of her. But Steve Rogers was nothing if not a gentleman, and she didn’t want to rush into anything. She’d waited too long for this to fuck it up by moving too fast. With that in mind she willed herself to pull away.

“So err, you wanna watch a film or…” she glanced at the TV.

“Yeah…” he smiled “Need another drink?”

She nodded and he hopped up off the sofa, taking her empty glass to top it up, frankly glad of the chance to cool down. He’d had to stop himself then from pushing her down on the couch, but he knew that wouldn’t be the right thing to do. He wanted to do this properly, it was too special to risk.

Katie flicked through the android box, and with a grin found the perfect film, one that was a comedy, not romance or action, something easy.

“The Sandlot?” he asked as he handed her the filled glass, reading the title on the screen “It’s about baseball?”

“More about kids having adventures over summer but yeah, baseball features a lot. It’s funny, you’ll like it” 

“Sure I will.” he said, as he settled down next to her.

She pressed play on the film, threw the remote onto the coffee table and lifted Steve’s arm and slid into place beneath it, tucking herself in against his side, legs curled up beneath her. It was something she’d done so many times before but this time, well it felt different. Steve pressed a kiss to her head before turning his attention back to the film, his arm draped over her shoulders, fingers gently tracing shapes on her upper arm.

They sat in the dark living room, watching the film, not another word shared. They both laughed, Steve grimacing at the Chewing Tobacco scene where the kids all vomited off the side of a fairground ride, it reminded him far too vividly of the time he had barfed after riding the Cyclone, and at the end when it showed one of the kids playing for the LA Dodgers Steve was the first one to break the comfortable silence, letting out a little snort.

“I still don’t like the fact they aint in Brooklyn any more” he said, as the film finished.

“Really, you never mentioned it.” Katie said sarcastically, sitting up.

He rolled his eyes before he stretched. “I should be going.”

“Yeah, it is late.” Katie agreed, standing up as he did “And I got a big date tomorrow.”

“Yeah” he asked, as he walked to the door “Anyone I know?”

“Just some guy from work.” she teased “He’s pretty hot but don’t tell him I said so.”

He laughed.

“You’re a nightmare, you know that?” he smirked.

“Yeah but, you love it.” she said as the elevator arrived.

“Yeah, I do.” he said softly, dropping a gentle kiss to her lips. “Goodnight doll.”

“Night Stevie…”

He squeezed her hand and stepped into the elevator and as soon as the doors had closed, a huge shit eating grin spread across both their faces.  

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