#toddler health crisis

[tanuandthetriplets]

Teeno Ek Sath Bimar Pade | Bala Ko Kya Hua? | Triplets Vlog - 18th Feb'24

[dandelionsandplatypuses]

Thank God for naps

[kragehund-est]

not my toddler gaslighting me by insisting she can make her own lunch, and then using weaponized incompetence + white woman tears to manipulate me into doing everything for her when she "changed her mind". i work full time as a SAHP and can NOT handle this mental workload, we as a society need to have an open and honest discussion about lunch's role in the fathers' mental health crisis.

[reasonsforhope]

Flint, Michigan, has one of the [United States]'s highest rates of child poverty — something that got a lot of attention during the city's lead water crisis a decade ago. And a pediatrician who helped expose that lead problem has now launched a first-of-its-kind move to tackle poverty: giving every new mother $7,500 in cash aid over a year.

A baby's first year is crucial for development. It's also a time of peak poverty.

Flint's new cash transfer program, Rx Kids, starts during pregnancy. The first payment is $1,500 to encourage prenatal care. After delivery, mothers will get $500 a month over the baby's first year.

"What happens in that first year of life can really portend your entire life course trajectory. Your brain literally doubles in size in the first 12 months," says Hanna-Attisha, who's also a public health professor at Michigan State University.

A baby's birth is also a peak time for poverty. Being pregnant can force women to cut back hours or even lose a job. Then comes the double whammy cost of child care.

Research has found that stress from childhood poverty can harm a person's physical and mental health, brain development and performance in school. Infants and toddlers are more likely than older children to be put into foster care, for reasons that advocates say conflate neglect with poverty.

In Flint, where the child poverty rate is more than 50%, Hanna-Attisha says new moms are in a bind. "We just had a baby miss their 4-day-old appointment because mom had to go back to work at four days," she says...

Benefits of Cash Aid

Studies have found such payments reduce financial hardship and food insecurity and improve mental and physical health for both mothers and children.

The U.S. got a short-lived taste of that in 2021. Congress temporarily expanded the child tax credit, boosting payments and also sending them to the poorest families who had been excluded because they didn't make enough to qualify for the credit. Research found that families mostly spent the money on basic needs. The bigger tax credit improved families' finances and briefly cut the country's child poverty rate nearly in half.

"We saw food hardship dropped to the lowest level ever," Shaefer says. "And we saw credit scores actually go to the highest that they'd ever been in at the end of 2021."

Critics worried that the expanded credit would lead people to work less, but there was little evidence of that. Some said they used the extra money for child care so they could go to work.

As cash assistance in Flint ramps up, Shaefer will be tracking not just its impact on financial well-being, but how it affects the roughly 1,200 babies born in the city each year.

"We're going to see if expectant moms route into prenatal care earlier," he says. "Are they able to go more? And then we'll be able to look at birth outcomes," including birth weight and neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) admissions.

Since the pandemic, dozens of cash aid pilots have popped up across the nation. But unlike them, Rx Kids is not limited to lower-income households. It's universal, which means every new mom will get the same amount of money. "You pit people against each other when you draw that line in the sand and say, 'You don't need this, and you do,' " Shaefer says. It can also stigmatize families who get the aid, he says, as happened with traditional welfare...

So far, there's more than $43 million to keep the program going for three years. Funders include foundations, health insurance companies and the state of Michigan, which allocated a small part of its federal cash aid, known as Temporary Assistance for Needy Families.

Money can buy more time for bonding with a baby

Alana Turner can't believe her luck with Flint's new cash benefits. "I was just shocked because of the timing of it all," she says.

Turner is due soon with her second child, a girl. She lives with her aunt and her 4-year-old son, Ace. After he was born, her car broke down and she was seriously cash-strapped, negotiating over bill payments. This time, she hopes she won't have to choose between basic needs.

"Like, I shouldn't have to think about choosing between are the lights going to be on or am I going to make sure the car brakes are good," she says...

But since she'll be getting an unexpected $7,500 over the next year, Turner has a new goal. With her first child, she was back on the job in less than six weeks. Now, she hopes she'll be able to slow down and spend more time with her daughter.

"I don't want to sacrifice the time with my newborn like I had to for my son, if I don't have to," she says."

-via NPR, March 12, 2024

[anexperimentallife]

EDIT: CRISIS AVERTED, THANK YOU!

Interracial US family w/ disabled autistic dad and toddler needs to get to the US for medical treatment

(New post because the old one was getting LONG with the updates. Details are under the "read more" to save your dash, with updates in the notes.)

TL;DR: If I'm going to live long enough to watch our daughter grow up, we need to get back to the US and get set up in a disability-friendly place where I can use my medical benefits.

Although I was already disabled (autism, adhd, and spine, joint, and head injuries), my health was stable--until four bouts of COVID left me immunocompromised, and utterly destroyed my health (including damage to my heart, blood clots that damaged one eye, neurological and joint issues, etc.), and although we started off fine, we've been hammered with one crisis after another, both medical and financial, that no one could have predicted.

Until we have enough to get back to the US, a chunk of whatever comes in has to go towards medical care that can't be put off, so the sooner we can reach critical mass on that, the better.

If you can help, or reblog, or share the links on other platforms, we'd be grateful!

The "Donate to Little or None" Paypal donation link takes the lowest fees, I think. (Kept the same link from when we were fighting to get our daughter's birth certificate fixed so we could get her citizenship affirmed.)

Then there's Ko-Fi:

And my little sister started a GoFundMe for us!

EDIT: The donation links above still work, but I removed the GoFundMe link.

IF YOU WANT ALL THE DETAILS SEE THE "READ MORE."

(There's more in my "rob gets medical" tag if you want a blow by blow account of how we got to this point over the past few years, but this is the gist.)

HOW IT STARTED:

I moved to the Philippines six years ago, after the deaths of my adult sons, in part to make my disability payments stretch further. Shortly afterwards, I was joined by my now-wife @thesurestthing (also from the US) for what was supposed to be a visit, but which turned into a permanent arrangement.

After I got a contract to license an old story for a mobile game (which tripled our income*), we found out we were having a baby, which was fine, because despite my disabilities (autism, adhd, two spine injuries, traumatic brain injury, a herniated esophagus, joint issues, etc.), my health was stable, and thanks to the contract, we were fine financially as well.

HOW IT STARTED GOING DOWNHILL:

Zoey's pregnancy was complicated, requiring two hospitalizations, and our daughter's birth was complicated, too--requiring a C-Section--which tripled our hospital bill. A few weeks after our daughter was born, the aforementioned contract was canceled without warning. THEN, when we tried to register our daughter's birth with the US embassy, we discovered an error on her birth certificate that left her stateless, and which took nearly two years, all our savings, and a fundraiser (thank you, generous people!) to resolve. Combined with medical expenses, that left us in a lot of debt.

A brief summary of went else wrong (leaving a lot out for brevity's sake):

I got COVID three four times during all this, became immunocompromised, and developed a slew of other medical issues (heart damage, eye damage and temporary facial paralysis from blood clots, persistent infections, a worsening of my joint issues, neurological issues, etc.) as a result of Long Covid.

I've had to be hospitalized a couple of times, undergo surgery, and was on an oxygen machine twice--once for an entire month, while I was bedridden. As of 24 January, 2024, I'm still recovering from my fourth bout of covid, which started at the beginning of October 2023.

There's a lot more, but you get the idea. COVID has completely wrecked my health, including tearing up my immune system.

And yes, I'm as fully vaxxed against COVID as one can be in the Philippines, with all available boosters, but again--I'm immunocompromised, plus they don't have the vax for the newest variant here yet. Zoey is vaxxed, also, and as a result, her bout with covid was extremely mild. El isn't vaxxed yet because they won't give the covid vaccine to kids under five here, but she's been able to share Zoey's antibodies from breast-feeding--which is apparently a thing.

The only way we can see for me to stay alive long enough to watch Eleanor grow up is to get back to where I can use my Medicare and VA benefits**.

WHY SO MUCH MONEY?

First, while we're still here, we need to pay for whatever medical care can't be put off. Plus, since I'm now immunocompromised, we have to get LOTS of vaccinations before we have to spend 24 hours or so in crowded planes and airports.

Second, we're going to be arriving with only what we can carry with us on the plane, and we'll need to get into a place near a VA hospital that I can easily get around in while I'm recovering from surgeries and getting various treatments. We'll need to pick up some secondhand household goods, and some kind of used transportation (because, you know, it's the US, where you kind of need a vehicle to get around).

We'll also need enough on top of my and El's disability payments to get by for a couple of months while Zoey looks for work. And all this is while we're still paying off the debt from the stuff I mentioned above.

So we're figuring that unless we catch some very lucky breaks, it'll probably cost between 20K and 36K altogether.

(We can't simply stay with friends when we get back, because literally every single close friend we have in the US with extra room and who lives close to a VA hospital has cats--to which I have a severe anaphylactic reaction. As in my entire respiratory system shuts down, and I have to be rushed to the ER to keep from dying; this has happened more than once. The only way I can be around cats is if I'm on immunosuppressants, and my immune system is ALREADY compromised, so I CAN'T do that.)

So again, if you can kick in, or reblog, or post our crowdfunding links (or the link to this post) on whatever other platforms you use, we'd appreciate it.

(*When I told social security about it, they said I could keep getting disability, too, because licensing IP rights didn't count as work income, and since it was a Moldavian company, it also fell under a special tax clause for getting paid by a foreign company while living overseas, so no taxes on it, either. )

(**VA benefits--I was a cold warrior in 1980s Germany. It was less than forty years after WWII, there was a lot of sabre-rattling--some of it nuclear--and we were there as a deterrent to prevent in Germany the kind of thing that's happening in Ukraine right now. Disclaimer because I'm tired of people accusing me of "invading" folks in the early 1980s when I was a dumb, heavily propagandized pre-Internet kid fixing generators in Europe. I wouldn't join today even if I could.)

[dogandbooks]

Why Tumblr should love Kamala Harris

Based on things from her memoir The Truths We Hold

I am currently reading Kamala's book (which is excellent, by the way) and I feel like some people would appreciate her so much more if they knew this stuff.

Her parents literally met as part of the civil rights movement in the 1960s

She was brought to protests as a toddler, in a stroller, and her mom once had to run for safety while pushing her after counter-protest violence broke out

The first protest she organised herself was when she was still a child, to be permitted to play soccer in front of her apartment building. She won

She spent her weekends while at Howard University protesting apartheid in South Africa

She chose to become a prosecutor and then a district attorney and attorney general, and then politics, because of all the things she had protested and been an activist for - because someone on the inside needs to be there to meet the outside pressure and make the changes happen: 'When activists came marching and banging on the doors, I wanted to be on the other side to let them in.'

In her first campaign she would meet voters by standing outside grocery stores using an ironing board as a portable standing desk, with her campaign sign duct taped to it

'The job of a progressive prosecutor is to look out for the overlooked, to speak up for those whose voices aren't being heard, to see and address the causes of crime, not just their consequences, and to shine a light on the inequality and unfairness that lead to injustice. It is to recogise that not everyone needs punishment, that what many need, quite plainly, is help.'

She changed the law so that people who paid to have sex with children could be charged with child sexual assault

She asked the question 'What if we gave people education, training and support instead of prison sentences?' and then created a programme to answer it with success by every single metric, including reducing reoffending from 50% to 10% and saving at least $40k per person per year of taxpayer money. And graduates of her programme got their records wiped to help them succeed long-term. It became a nationwide model programme.

She supports legalising pot - and also doing the research to understand its effects properly

'We also need to stop treating drug addiction like a public safety crisis instead of what it is: a public health crisis.'

'It's one thing to say black lives matter. But awareness and solidarity aren't enough. We need to accept hard truths about the systemic racism that has allowed this to happen. And we need to turn that understanding into policies and practices that can actually change it.'

She advocates for police reform to counter systemic racism and brutality

She acknowledges that intense pressure from outside opens up space on the inside for change- citing the example of the Black Lives Matter movement on making body cameras mandatory - 'the movement created an environment on the outside that helped give me the space to get it done on the inside. That's often how change happens. And I credit the movement for those reforms just as much as anyone else in my office, including me.'

This is just from the first two chapters. I'll add more as I keep reading.

@wilwheaton this feels like something your followers would enjoy?

[immeasurablesaladagere]

if youd like to, could you possibly write some regressor wilson stuff? preferably involving illness in some capacity because its a bit of a guilty pleasure 💀💀💀

Toddler Wilson, boogie-woogie-woogie.

-----

Word Count: 946

Summery: Wilson wakes himself and House up in the middle of the night, sick with a cold and regressed. He would also rather suffer than take his medicine, but if either of them are going to get any sleep, House needs to find a solution.

-----

“No.”

“You have to take it. It’s going to make you feel better, you want that, right?’ House tried to reason, offering the small cup of fever-reducers a little more insistently, but there was no reasoning with a colicky toddler.

Wilson glared him down stubbornly from the safety of his blanket nest on the couch, only breaking the stand off to stare daggers at the cup of medicine every few seconds like the pills had personally kidnapped his teddy bear. “No.”

House sighed and put the cup down, rubbing at his heavy eyelids. A genius diagnostician who couldn’t get a four-year-old to take cold medicine. If he were an insecure sad-sack this might’ve prompted an identity crisis. Of all the littles, he hadn’t expected Wilson to be the one to fight him on taking his medicine. He expected this behaviour from Thirteen, maybe even Chase, but not sickeningly-sweet, innocent Wilson who did nothing but nap and made a career out of being the world’s most agreeable toddler. But apparently he was adamant on both not taking the pills and keeping him up all night whimpering pathetically because he had a headache and fever.

He was almost proud, seeing his little boy finally all grown up and being defiant, he just wished it didn’t have to affect his sleep schedule. And Wilson’s health, he supposed. The last time he had check his fever it was 101.9 and climbing, which while not the worst it could be, probably wasn’t very comfortable. If he couldn’t somehow convince the tyke to choke down the pills then he was in for a long night of whinging and crying. How he wished they had liquid cold medication.

“Why not?” He asked, not really expecting an actual answer. Wilson barely spoke when he was regressed as it was, but now he was sick and tired. He was amazed that he was even getting one-syllable answers. And, true to form, Wilson didn’t give any sort of clue and just made an upset grunting sound. 

His eyes landed on the stuffed bear tucked into the blankets. The kids in paediatrics seemed to take better to medication when their toys “took it” with them, and as much as he didn’t like playing pretend, if two minutes of awkward teddy bear voice-acting was what it took to get him to take the damn pills, it would be worth it. 

He grabbed the bear and Wilson instantly started fussing. “Relax. Mr. Bear here is just going to take his medicine, and then I’ll give him right back.” He took the cup of pills and shoved the bear’s nose into it, then mimicked the swallowing motion. He turned the bear to face Wilson and put on his best friendly-bear voice. “Gee Wilson, I sure do feel much better now! You should take some too!” 

Wilson just blinked at him, looking unconvinced and mildly disturbed. 

Wilson all but snatched the bear back when House went to hand it to him, burying it out of sight completely. “Oh come on, it wasn’t that bad. Seriously, what am I gonna have to do to get you to take the pills?” 

He knew that technicallyhe could get Wilson to take them at any time. He’d scared many a reluctant patient, both children and adults, into swallowing life-saving pills, but he couldn’t bring himself to do that to Wilson. He needed to draw on every “gentle-parenting” technique Wilson had ever rambled on about so they could both get some actual sleep.

Wilson continued to whine unhelpfully, so House decided a tactical retreat was in order to rally the troops, to figure out something. He wandered into the kitchen and rechecked the medicine cabinet for the third time just to make sure they didn’t have any Niquil, or even melatonin, but nothing had miraculously materialized since his last check ten minutes ago. Damn.

Resigned, he went to the pantry next, because if he was going to be up all night he wasn’t going to do it hungry at the very least. He was shoving boxes of crackers and pasta out of the way for a bag of trail mix when he saw it. A box of instant chocolate pudding. Bingo.

“Mix contents of one packet of instant pudding mix with one cup of cold milk, and let stand for five minutes. Serve immediately or chill in the fridge.” The instructions read. Not exactly instant, but close enough.

He made a batch of pudding and poured some into a small serving bowl. Then he grabbed a soup spoon, took a heaping scoop of pudding, and pushed the two small pills into it. The pudding disguised them perfectly, and he could only hope that Wilson wouldn’t think too hard about swallowing it. He set the spoon back in the bowl inconspicuously and returned to the living room.

“How do you feel about pudding, Jimmy?” He asked. Wilson perked up from the couch, and his hazy eyes practically sparkled with excitement. House sat down on the edge of the coffee table, offered the spoonful of pudding, and held is breath as Wilson eagerly took it. 

Wilson’s eyes widened as he swallowed, and he stared at House with a look of pure betrayal.

“…Did you swallow it?” 

The glare he got was all the confirmation he needed. Thank God. “Oh, don’t give me that face. You’re going to start feeling better soon! You did a good job, Jimmy.”

Wilson’s face softened into a pout, and after a moment of sulking he made a lazy grab for the bowl of pudding.

House smirked. “More?” He took another spoonful and gave it to him. “There you go. You’ve earned it.”

[myalgias]

Excerpts from the article:

Because it’s clear that being “the last public space” isn’t a privilege. It’s a sign that something has gone terribly wrong.

At the time, countless articles asked if new technology meant “the death of the public library.” Instead, the institution completely transformed itself. Libraries carved out a new role providing online access to those who needed it. They abandoned the big central desk, stopped shushing patrons, and pushed employees out onto the floor to do programming. Today, you’ll find a semester’s load of classes, events, and seminars at your local library: on digital photography, estate planning, quilting, audio recording, taxes for seniors, gaming for teens, and countless “circle times” in which introverts who probably chose the profession because of their passion for Victorian literature are forced to perform “The Bear Went over the Mountain” to rooms full of rioting toddlers.

In the midst of this transformation, new demands began to emerge. Libraries have always been a welcoming space for the entire community. Alexander Calhoun, Calgary’s first librarian, used the space for adult education programs and welcomed “transients” and the unemployed into the building during the Depression. But the past forty years of urban life have seen those demands grow exponentially. In the late 1970s, “homelessness” as we know it today didn’t really exist; the issue only emerged as a serious social problem in the 1980s. Since then, as governments have abandoned building social housing and rents have skyrocketed, homelessness in Canada has transformed into a snowballing human rights issue. Meanwhile, the opioid crisis has devastated communities, killing more than 34,000 Canadians between 2016 and 2022, according to the Public Health Agency of Canada. And the country’s mental health care system, always an underfunded patchwork of services, is today completely unequipped to deal with demand. According to the Canadian Institute for Health Information, from 2020 to 2021, Canadians waited a median of twenty-two days for their first counselling session. As other communal support networks have suffered cutbacks and disintegrated, the library has found itself as one of the only places left with an open door.

When people tell the story of this transformation, from book repository to social services hub, it’s usually as an uncomplicated triumph. A recent “love letter” to libraries in the New York Times has a typical capsule history: “As local safety nets shriveled, the library roof magically expanded from umbrella to tarp to circus tent to airplane hangar. The modern library keeps its citizens warm, safe, healthy, entertained, educated, hydrated and, above all, connected.” That story, while heartwarming, obscures the reality of what has happened. No institution “magically” takes on the role of the entire welfare state, especially none as underfunded as the public library. If the library has managed to expand its protective umbrella, it has done so after a series of difficult decisions. And that expansion has come with costs.

[annierosaart]

fuck it, I kept trying to change it but this is the best design for them

My Doctor OC, Ivy Bell!

She/they and a fucking mess of a being, she's barely keeping it together for Rhodes Island/Kal'tsit/Amiya but, y'know.

Anyway proper profile here:

Name - Ivy Bell

Age - ???? (Looks to be at least in their middle age, but it's hard to tell)

Gender - None gender with left old woman

Height - 5'1/155cm

Race - Vampire (?)

Additional notes - Surprisingly resistant to heat (derived from canon doc's penchant for boiling water and going to the beach in full gear); resilient but with the physical strength of a mal-nourished toddler; Majored in Medical Chemistry god knows how long ago; Mediocre at best blood arts they rarely use because of gestures vaguely at their declined health

They have the mental stability of a drying sand castle and are frankly. A bit terrible! To themself, mostly. She really tries though. She really does try. Bless her fucking heart she tries despite being her. A shambling mound of broken promises, scarred skin, aching muscles and hushed cries.

They're the main protagonist of my Doc/Kal fic, To Whomever Breaks First!

"is their relationship healthy?" absolutely not, calling it codependent would be a compliment, if they're left alone when the two of them aren't in a/haven't just gotten out of a crisis, they will kill each other.

in short

abhor her because they deserve it frankly

pathetic thing

Bonus - what they look like under those clothes, for an idea of their scarring (Nudity warning, duh) here

i adore her, i want her dead <3

[brf-rumortrackinganon]

I have a theory regarding the affair rumours. This is based on coverage about W+C+H from way back in 2015/16/17/18, from rumours and "tea" dropped in royal forums and blogs and from what the royals have said themselves.

Back in 2015/16 is when Harry and William are said to have been doing some therapy. They may have started before, but this is when it first starts appearing in articles/blogs/rumours. This is when I think they are conceptualizing Heads Together. And william has since said that he was doing therapy for a few years and realizes it's benefits.

Then there were rumours that William and Catherine were also doing, or at some point did, couple's therapy together. Louis wasn't born yet. They had 2 toddlers. They were about to move to London and become full time royals. Heads Together, a mental health initiative, was in the pipeline about to be launched. Catherine's brother was going through his own very serious mental health crisis which hadn't come to a head yet but allegedly the whole family was supporting him with counselling and therapy sessions etc.

So what I'm trying to say is that both Catherine and William were undergoing a huge change and had stressors in their life and also had mental health experts available at hand and understood the importance of talk therapy and mental health interventions. So it's likely and logical that they themselves did take couple's therapy for a while, besides individual therapy as well.

We know William has said as much, and about how helpful he found it. Catherine hasn't spoken about her personal experience but has talked about how helpful it is. So we can probably draw a conclusion here that she did do it too.

Now, to the outsider looking in they are a happy couple. And back then bit many people talked about therapy. So when Meghan came in, Harry probably told her or she found out that the Cambridge couple goes for therapy, and that it was very beneficial to them without knowing the details of it. So, petty that meghan is she draws the conclusion that the stressor on their marriage is that one of them, William had an affair.

She also probably does not understand the living arrangement - having a main home Anmer but also having a London base at KP. Or why William or Catherine frequently go there even when the other isn't there. That's a very specific BRF thing and she wouldn't get it.

Trying to be snarky she probably made a snide remark to Catherine that couples who go for couples therapy usually go if they are on the brink or breaking up, or have had an affair or hate each other. This is a rumour that Deux Moi propagates, that Meghan "told" Catherine William.was having an affair and Catherine got offended (rightly so) saying it's none of her business (IMO Catherine may have meant it's none of Meghan's business why they do therapy).

Now, back in 2018 when the affir rumours forwt started there were some posters on royal blogs providing some inside info. This was mainly to give context about the Will aim+Rose+David dynamic.

Remember, Rose and David are mainly based in Norfolk. Catherine and William had just moved to London, but continued using Anmer as their vacation+holiday+weekend family base. So sometimes, there were situations where either William or Catherine were at Anmer with the kids while the other was at KP.

The two couples also were close, hung out socially and privately, had the same set of friends that they privately hosted all the time.

Now here's some info/rumours about their dynamics-

1. Rose and David were having problems and talked about it with the Cambs. W privately met them/Rose a few times when he was at anmer. During this time Rose's visits to Anmer increased or it seemed so because David was usually away in France.

2. W told Rose/David that marriage counseling helped him and Catherine and they should try it too. W was there as a friend when his friend was going through a hard time and this got spun into a horrible rumour.

3. Rose actually did not like Harry because he was a horrible guest when they invited him. They also preferred hosting couple friends and eventually Harry was dropped from the guest list. Harry holds a grudge and used to say mean things and make jokes about Rose bcz of this. This came from someone who was supposedly a housekeeper for the Chulmondleys.

4. Harry stopped being invited to Anmer as much, even though William would host his male coterie over. Even if Catherine was in London, sometime William would host weekend hunting parties etc. Harry wasn't invited or wouldn't go. Meghan spun this as William is doing something secretive over there and so he doesn't want Harry around.

5. The supposed rift between Catherine and Rose was a nothingburger. Catherine had just moved to London with two toddlers and couldn't be as involved with her Norfolk set. So rose wneti ahead and organized/hosted some society events on her own without Catherine's involvement. This makes perfect sense to me, but the papers spun this as a rivalry.

6. Around 2016/17 when Meghan had essentially moved to London, W+C and their set would have parties or getaways at anmer but Meghan wasn't invited or Harry was never told. Or the plans were never made keeping HnM's availability in mind, so Meghan was jealous. Harry didn't care/notice because he was hardly a part of it before. Meghan spun this as William trying to keep Meghan and Harry from Norfolk/Rose for some sinister reasons. In reality, HnM were busy hobnobbing with the Cotswolds set.

Anyway, this is a long post. So I should cut it short now. But I basically think that Meghan invented the affair rumours as a joke because she found out William and Catherine were doing marriage counseling.

I am aware of the marriage counselling rumors/theory about William and Kate. I don't know that I buy it. No marriage is perfect and I'm sure William and Kate have had their own share of issues but to say they had marriage counselling because they talk about the benefits of therapy is a bit too far for me, knowing how private they are, but you do make some good points.

4. Harry stopped being invited to Anmer as much, even though William would host his male coterie over. -> This one is new to me. I heard a version that it was Rose who had stopped inviting Harry to her parties and events.

It does make sense that William would pull back from Harry too around that same time. I've always felt that the cracks in their relationship were there long before Meghan came around.

[cobbssecondbelt]

Cobbert's Masterlist

Long overdue, here's the masterlist for all my works!

Listed from the most recent to the oldest.

The Mandalorian

Family, and other Oddities (Oneshot, light background Din Djarin/Cobb Vanth)

Contrary to common beliefs, Din Djarin has not always been a lonely man. Some might say, he never was.

Little Stories From a Strange Life (Multichapter, occasional light Din Djarin/Cobb Vanth)

My participation to Dincember 2023! There be moments heartwarming and heart wrenching, heartbreaks and heart flutters.

A Crown of Glistering Thorns (Multichapter, WIP, non-slash)

It is rare, for massifs, to adopt a stray pup. Rare, although not impossible. Din Djarin knows this, because his papa has two he had bought from the neighbor to help herd and guard the sheeps on the farm. On a cold winter morning, he'd entered the barn to find the female had taken an orphan womp rat kit under her wing. She raised it as her own, defending it with all fangs out and nursing it back to health. It was such an exceptional display of natural compassion, his papa didn’t have the heart to point out she probably was the one who devoured the mother womp rat in the first place. The memory swirls around the boy’s head as he stares up at the wall of silent armors and even bleaker T-visors looking down at him from where he’s curled around his rescuer’s leg. They are evaluating him, and during this very long minute, Din isn’t quite sure of the role he is going to fill: the baby womp rat nibbling at a crumb of hope, or its mother about to be eaten whole. ----- Twenty-two years ago, Din Djarin died. Four actors, five acts.

Dincobb-centric fanfics

Dawn is a Mother to Needful Beings (Smut)

There’s luxury in laziness, Cobb Vanth is reminded as he watches Din sleeping soundly by his side, an hour past their usual get up time. He gazes at the wide expense of his back where the sun rays have yet to hit. Din twitches in his sleep; Cobb wonders what kind of adventures he’s living in there. From the lack of tension in his trapezes, it’s not a nightmare. Maybe a memory. Just as Cobb reaches across the mattress to brush his fingers against the bit of skin where his shirt racked up, Din wakes. --- Din kisses Cobb good morning. Cobb gives him head. They're in love and all sappy about it.

Second Floor Story (Modern AU)

The task was pretty simple: water the plants, feed the cats, make sure nothing exploded while Jo was gone. Now, Cobb's knee would never survive the five floors climb, but hey, that's what elevators were made for, right?

Silly Things to be Basking In (Snippet)

In which Din receives unprompted affections, runs hot, and pines a whole lot.

Nowhere Lane (Modern AU, Multichapter, WIP, in hiatus)

39 is a cruelly anticlimactic year of life, Din Djarin has come to realize. Especially for one trying to rebuild a life from the ground for himself and his 18 months old toddler and attempting not to lose his sanity in the meantime. 44 is the perfect year for a midlife crisis, Cobb Vanth has come to realize. Especially for one who was quick to find out forced retirement is nowhere near as fun as it sounds like, nor do the inevitable struggles coming with it. These cheerful characters have something incredible in common: they both visit the old Taanti's bar on friday nights. That, and maybe a few other things.

Third Table by the Bar (Oneshot)

Din knew he had been fooled the moment he saw that lanky figure stepping through the cantina's entrance. Then the helmet came off, and for as little of a surprise it felt for Din, what left him dumbstruck was what he found under it. --- Each time Din visited Freetown, he found three things: a drink, a dusty table, and a Marshal taking him for a dance.

Fury (2014)

*Note: I am no longer writing for this fandom, but I'll still link my last fic as it is a classic of mine.

Timeless (Multichapter, non-finished, dead fic)

October 1945. Already six months since the elite tank crew once called the ''Fury'' was drafted back to the United States. Now scattered across the vast country after months and months of being closer than brothers, adapting to the sweetness of a normal life quickly resumed to be much more of a challenge than any of them expected. So what happens when a retired sergeant with only war left in his heart and his former bow-gunner end up having their lives intertwining once again, despite all odds? A dizzying waltz during which mix together the worst of turmoils, the deepest of friendships, and the sweetest of heartbreaks. Because real love never dies, but so does those scars that never completely heal.

[cantsayidont]

May 1959. Since Kara Zor-El returned to the regular comics continuity in 2004, Supergirl's origin has included a peculiar contrivance: While she's still a teenage girl, she actually grew up on Krypton, and was sent to Earth so that she could take care of her baby cousin Kal-El, whom she used to babysit, only to end up in suspended animation for years so that she's now younger than he. (Thanks, I hate it!)

This idea has filtered into other versions, including the SUPERGIRL show on The CW, but it is definitely not something present in the original comics. As seen in these pages from her first appearance in ACTION COMICS #252 back in 1959, in her original pre-Crisis incarnation, Supergirl was born after Krypton was destroyed. Moreover, not only was there no implication that she would become Kal-El's super-babysitter, her parents were not initially aware that Zor-El's nephew had even survived the destruction of Krypton:

(No, that's not how telescopes work — it was the Silver Age, just roll with it. For that matter, given the now well-documented and horrific health consequences of childhood lead exposure, the assertion that Kara could grow up healthy because of the "leaden shield" under their community is also rather alarming. Try not to dwell on it, I guess?)

There were various amendments to this story during the Silver Age, but later versions consistently maintain that Zor-El didn't marry and Kara was not born until "some years" after Krypton exploded. She arrived on Earth when she was 15 years old and her cousin was an adult. Thus, Kara was not even born until probably around the time her cousin was in middle school on Earth.

A few other points of note under the cut.

If you look closely at the original account in ACTION COMICS #252, the community of survivors in which Supergirl grew up is not actually named. As best I can determine, the name "Argo City" was first introduced in a subsequent retelling of the story in ACTION COMICS #280, more than two years later:

(The gaps in the lettering around "Argo City" and the slightly irregular baselines of those words are unusual, and make me wonder if Jerry Siegel's script originally specified a different name that was changed during production. If so, that further suggests this was the first reference to the name of the city.)

Even by the standards of the Silver Age, the idea that the city was surrounded by a "bubble of air" that miraculously enabled the inhabitants to survive for years in space strains credibility a bit. Subsequent accounts establish that before Krypton exploded, Zor-El had arranged to enclose Argo City in a "non-breakable plastic dome" containing "a germ-proof atmosphere that can wipe out all disease" — an unusual feature with which other Kryptonian cities were not equipped. (He's seen testing an early of this invention over his own home in a story in SUPERMAN'S GIRL FRIEND LOIS LANE #26, which shows Kal-El as a toddler and thus probably takes place probably a few months before the destruction of Krypton.) As shown in ACTION COMICS #309 in 1964, for instance:

The latter story also indicates that Zor-El created a "jet drive" to propel the city toward an inhabited star system, but this effort was sabotaged by a religious fanatic called Jer-Em, who was sent to the Phantom Zone for his interference (and ironically survived the destruction of Argo City as a result).

Another oddity is that Kara's mother is not actually named in either her original appearance or various early retellings of Supergirl's origin. It appears that her name (Alura, sometimes spelled "Allura" and later specified as Alura In-Ze) was first given in ACTION COMICS #291 in 1961, when Mr. Mxyzptlk transported Kara's parents through time as part of a plan to convince Supergirl to marry him:

The above story concluded with Mr. Mxyzptlk being sent back to his own dimension, causing Zor-El and Alura to return to their own time, seemingly to die. This was awfully grim, so a couple of years later, in ACTION COMICS #309, Supergirl learns that her parents narrowly escaped from Argo City in the Survival Zone, another dimension like the Phantom Zone, but "on a different wavelength":

In ACTION COMICS #310, Supergirl manages to free her parents from the Survival Zone. They subsequently decide to settle in the Bottle City of Kandor, while Kara remains on Earth with her foster parents, Fred and Edna Danvers:

Zor-El and Alura later resettled on Rokyn after Kandor was enlarged in SUPERMAN #338. Their last appearance was in SUPERMAN #414, shortly after Kara's death.

Finally, later Silver Age stories assert that normal Green Kryptonite has no effect on Kryptonians without super-powers, or on non-Kryptonians. A later retelling of Supergirl's origin in THE SUPERMAN FAMILY #184–185 rationalizes the apparent discrepancy by saying the radioactive material under Argo City was a rare Green-K isotope called "Anti-Kryptonite," which is also lethal to non-powered Kryptonians. Sure, why not?

[grlstupid]

different but the same

Jesse Armstrong said it was a tragedy, but in a way it felt like the Roy siblings were finally free with the sale of Waystar. Somehow when they were confronted with the reality that they would never get what they wanted it felt like they would finally have a chance to become human again, to heal from the trauma their father passed on to them. Connor would never have to beg for approval, Kendall would never be CEO, Roman would never be beaten again, and Shiv for a moment had all the power in the world. 

People seem to compare Succession to Arrested Development, and in a superficial way, they are similar. 4 siblings, vying for power in their family company, even though said company is, from the audience’s point of view, doomed to fail. Emotionally distant parents, crimes committed by executives being covered up by the company, weird sexual tension between cousins (though at least Tom and Greg are only related through marriage). In some ways, the shows mirror each other. But the audience doesn’t root for members of the Bluth family. We don’t feel sorry for them, because we see their trauma depicted within a comedic setting. When Buster loses his hand, it’s played off with a recurring bit from the doctor who uses common phrases incorrectly, which changes the meaning of his words. With the Roy siblings, we see the symptoms of their childhood trauma, Roman excusing his father’s physical abuse by blaming himself, saying that it was his fault because he “was fucking annoying.” 

Because of the absurdity of Arrested Development, it’s hard, if not impossible, to relate to the characters. But with Succession, we can see ourselves in these emotionally stunted adult children. Siobhan, sabotaging her relationship because she feels she’s undeserving of Tom’s love, simultaneously pushing him away and giving him everything he wants. She consistently shows him her worst qualities instead of her best, manipulates him and is unable to show any vulnerability. She goes to him in her weakest moments, and yet in those moments she can only bring herself to act cruelly towards him. In a way, she’s the reason he became her father.

Tom was able to become Logan because Kendall never could be. Logan was addicted to power because he didn’t grow up with it, while Kendall never had to struggle the same way. Of course he still has hardships, he has an inferiority complex, was clearly neglected as a child, and goes through major depressive episodes. We never see him attempt suicide, but we see him in moments where it’s implied he’s considering it, as if he doesn’t know how to feel better about his situation, so he reacts in the most extreme way. In some ways Kendall is still a toddler, he throws tantrums when things don’t go his way, and seems to function better when someone else is enforcing a routine on him. Because he wasn’t raised by his parents, he never grew up in the ways that matter; in the first episode his ex-wife jokes about him using cocaine in front of his children. Nobody taught him to make good choices because nobody cared enough to do so, or they didn’t know how because they never learned themselves (looking at you, Connor). 

Connor may be the most interesting of the Roy children. In some ways, he seems to be the most well-adjusted, but we see him crack under pressure, which explains his lack of employment. It makes sense when you consider how his childhood was different from his siblings; his mother had a mental health crisis, and though we never really learn all the details, the only reason people are forcibly institutionalized is when they physically harm themselves or others, and we know that he lived with his mother when she was sent to the facility where she presumably still lived, if she was alive during the events of the show. Children of sick parents rarely grow up to be healthy adults, and Connor is not an exception to the rule. He parents his younger siblings to give them something he never had, he take Willa away from society so he can have all her attention, instead of fighting for scraps of love like the rest of his siblings. His bid for the presidency is delusional, but he’s so far removed from reality that he genuinely believes he can win and when he loses, he still manages to see his failure as a success. 

Connor also gives Roman his only happy childhood memory. It’s not clear whether Roman was the only one physically abused as a child, or if he just the most common target of Logan’s anger. He’s often compared to a dog, and feels like he isn’t worthy of love. He clearly still has some affection for Logan, which can sometimes confuse the audience, but then we see brief moments of Logan with Roman. Caroline says at one point that Logan “never saw anything he loved that he didn't wanna kick”. This seems to be the core of Roman’s relationship with his father; he keeps going back to Logan because he associates love with pain. We see it again in Roman’s final moment alone in the show with Kendall. Ken hugs Roman, and the hug turns painful and somewhat violent, but Roman doesn’t fight it. He leans in, because he can’t go to his father, but in that moment Kendall proves to be a good enough substitute in that moment.

[sergeantsporks]

Thoughts on the latest Gilded Family chapter:

Petro ending up flat on his back after leaning too far backwards in his chair was hilariously satisfying.

So Petro DOES remember whoever sung him that lullaby, eh? Oh and the mention of what that person would think of the man he's become enrages him? Extremely interesting.

Evelyn continues to be badass. Although notifying Caleb about the plan to save Ghost probably would've been wise.

The Gilded Fam has access to Illusion Stones that make them look like puppets?!

The Pit of Failures is as creepy and depressing as ever.

:( Poor Alex. I doubt getting pitched into the Pit was good for their bone health.

Phoenix and Belos' memories are mixing together in increasingly distressing ways it seems.

Ghost is okay! They're really cute!

D'aww! Ghost likes Phoenix! Is that because they woke up in his arms?

Possession time?! Evelyn destroying Belos' life work is cool and all, but it appears that was the final straw as far as the curse was concerned. It wanted to protect what it's original host had created?

:( Phoenix is so scared and desperate to not hurt anyone.

The boiling rain -Surprise, surprise- stings like a son of a gun! Foreshadowing? ;)

D'aww! Caleb braved the boiling rain to talk Phoenix down!

Confirmation that Belos was actively choosing to hurt people during his curse outbursts, not the curse itself lashing out at anything or anyone nearby is nice. Sobering, but nice.

:( Phoenix is so scared of turning into Belos, Oh My Titan! No, sweetie, no! You will never be that man. His curse or not, recent lying spree or not, you're too good of a person to do three-fourths of the bad things that man has done over the course of his very long life.

It not always being bad to lie is actually a really good moral, I appreciate it.

:( Caleb holds himself responsible for what his brother turned into. Granted, he still acknowledges that Belos was the one who made the decisions that he does, but admits that he was the one who set him on that path in the first place. He really is the best Dad for a household of ex-child soldiers.

:) Yay, Phoenix is going to go home with Caleb!

Oh, of course some Coven Scouts literally pop out of the bushes to make everything worse. That's just parr for the Gilded Family's course.

Phoenix may or may not have killed and or maimed those Coven Scouts. Being flung into trees isn't necessarily fatal, but usually isn't good for one's health either.

Caleb in pain and or danger? Curse Mode - Protection: Activated!

Mole snapped Phoenix out of it by hugging him! D'aww!

Cherry... seems better? Or at the very least, having a literal toddler to occupy his attention seems to have distracted him from his previous crisis.

I think Cherry and Ghost are going to be very tight.

Everybody wants to see the mud monster!

:( Ash "died" at the claws of the mud monster, didn't he?

Matt! The normal-est of the Grims makes an appearance! I hope he helps Ash feel better.

Sam really took charge there at the end, didn't he?

But um... Whose watching Petro? Someone was watching him the whole time right? Right?!

Mole tucked Phoenix into bed, D'aww.

I hope Petro isn't hiding under Phoenix's bed, waiting to strike.

Sleepy time now! Maybe Phoenix will dream about what's currently going on with Belos? If he doesn't get assassinated by Petro first, at least.

Pffffft, those scouts will be fiiiiiiiine.

As for answers to your questions:

They just used their normal concealment stones, which change them to match whatever is "average" in the area, in this case, puppets

Pretty much on the curse front. Whatever little bit of Belos was still left in the infection did NOT like seeing his build a nephew cave get destroyed, and since the infection was already pretty much completely through Phoenix's arms, it was bad timing for everyone involved

Yeah, while talking through Cherry's issues is good and would probably work if he's NOT in Full Crisis Mode, when he IS in crisis mode, the fastest way to snap him out of it is to give him something smaller than himself to take care of because he'll focus so hard on that that he calms down. Like puppy therapy with that man. Hand him the baby to get him out of a panic attack.

Yep, chain of command pretty much goes Evelyn/Caleb -> Cherry -> Sam/Joseph (maybe Meleager depending on the problem), so if the first three are out, and Joseph's not doing anything, it's Sam's turn to take charge!

Dw about Petro, he's busy having a long hard think about his actions like Evelyn told him to, obviously.

[cl0udpup]

Sibling trauma

TW: addiction, severe mental illness, hospitalization, relational abuse, self-harm, disability

I just got a handful of paragraphs of texts from my estranged sibling. They send me into immediate anxiety every time I hear from or about them.

Everything feels urgent, like an emergency, with them. They exude chaos. They are an addict, and have hurt me badly many times.

Growing up

We were never very close growing up. We had fun as toddlers and elementary school age, but also fought violently.

They expressed their discomforts loudly, required a lot of support from my mom, and most of the family’s energy and attention was focused on them. I had chaotic meltdowns as well, but mostly turned my pain inward and attempted to take care of myself.

Things were relatively calm for them in middle school, while this became a time of deep struggle for me. Again, I kept it all to myself. My mom had no idea I was struggling immensely with self-harm until a friend found out in 8th grade and urged me to tell her. My dad was nowhere to be found during all this other than to yell at me for hurting myself and take my bedroom door off it’s hinges.

Late high school was when we really realized something was going on with them. They did zero self-care like taking showers, grooming, wearing clothes besides pajamas. They were always exhausted, eyes barely open, falling asleep at the dinner table. I found out years later they were actually nodding off from heroin.

It was hard to know how to support them, or even recognize what was going on, because the majority of interaction with them was them destroying shit around the house, screaming at people, being abusive.

I was dealing with severe mental illness, substance use, trouble at school, and with law enforcement, I literally did not have the capacity for even beginning to know how to help.

My parents were way over their heads. They both had severe addiction in their families, and (again, I didn’t realize until much later,) my dad was abusing alcohol as well. My mom is an incredibly naive person who grew up horrendously sheltered and totally unprepared for these types of life challenges. She also doesn’t struggle with mental illness of any kind beyond a bit of anxiety, so this was all fully out of her realm of knowledge.

In our 20′s, I tried to reach out, to be as good an older sibling I could be. I did my best, but I mostly only saw them when they were in crisis. Multiple times I helped them detox at home, urged them to seek help, tried to connect them with resources. They were hardly responsive, and abusive, scary, and exhausting when using.

Things always came to a standstill because ultimately they feel totally powerless, and see themself as a victim of circumstance. There is a strong disconnect when it comes to being able to take any level of responsibility for their health, their life, or quite frankly anything.

Even when I tried to lead by example and share how helpful certain things like therapy and medication have been for me, that I know it’s hard but I’m here to help and it’s worth it to try to have an open mind. I think they weren’t ready to let go of the identity they formed in their mind of being persecuted.

Reconnecting

At the beginning of the pandemic, they got sober, I got sober, and we actually became best friends. I taught them so much, helped them realize things about life, about their identity, how to survive. They were actually able to be receptive to my friendship.

They practically lived with me for about 6 months. We even discussed trying to clear out space for them to move in.

I was SO happy, I felt like I had a real sibling for the first time, like how I thought the bond between siblings was supposed to be. I don't really have family (beyond chosen-family) besides my parents, and my grandma (who just passed away a few weeks ago.)

Then, one day, they decided it would be okay for them to do drugs and drink sometimes. I urged them not to, as they were less than a year into their sobriety. Things were still SO fragile. Instead of taking my advice, or flat out saying they disagree, they lied to me about it, and asked others to lie to me for them. 

Of course, our friends would not in fact lie to me for them. They didn’t realize this, and somehow had the ability to keep a straight face, look me in the eyes, and talk shit. This gave me chills. It makes me feel sick to think about.

Once this began, it called into question every conversation we'd had in the past year. I wondered if all the closeness we shared, and trust we had before had been genuine, or if they were putting on an act then, too.

It hurt so much, but I truly had no idea how bad it was about to get.

Catastrophe

After they started using again, all hell broke loose. They went full on self-destruct, practically overnight. They took every stride they had made in getting their life together, and threw it in the trash. They quit their job, spent all their savings, bailed on their apartment, and isolated all their friends.

My parents and I spent about six months with them at the center of our worlds. They became the only thing any of us were able to think about, focus on, or put energy into.

The three of us, plus my four closest friends (who had recently become their friends) dropped everything to do all we could to support them. We all severely overextended our abilities because we were so worried.

Their response to all our attempts at love, understanding, immeasurable patience, calm, kindness, loyalty, was to be horribly abusive, say the worst, most hurtful things, and honestly make me afraid for my safety. 

It all came to a head when they went to my parents house one day, and refused to leave. When I say refused to leave, I mean they destroyed part of the house, built a barricade to the ceiling, and stayed behind it for weeks.

My mom called me every day crying. We truly thought they were going to die. I was afraid for my parents safety, as my sibling was paranoid, and carrying a knife when leaving the barricade to go to the bathroom. My parents had to stay in a hotel because it was too much.

They were putting weird signs in the window, and I was so afraid a neighbor or passerby was going to call the cops and get my sibling killed killed.

I called every resource I could find in our area. I brought social workers to the house to try to talk to them, called hotlines and handed them the phone, sent them links to online support chats. But they were so manic, they could hardly hold a conversation.

They just screamed, yelled, sobbed, broke things, banged on and tore open the wall, blasted music. It was so overwhelming. We all felt helpless. Obviously they did, too.

Diversion

I realized the only way they were coming out of there was when they made themself sick enough to need medical care. They've had to be hospitalized for alcohol related emergencies before, and sure enough, that's what finally resolved this chapter.

They drank so much, they got violently ill. They called and asked me to drive them to the hospital. We all left work, rushed over, got them in the car, and bolted to the ER.

After dropping them off, I called the inpatient addiction treatment facility I’d been in contact throughout this, and just barely convinced them to try. They informed me they wouldn’t have an opening in the program for about a week, but if my sibling called, they could process the intake over the phone.

With that partially taken care of, I rushed to my parents house to begin cleaning up. As I said, the area they had been barricaded was fucked. When they finally came out that morning before going to the ER, they destroyed the barricade, throwing everything out into the surrounding part of the house.

Broken glass, furniture in pieces, cat litter and food everywhere (they kept their cat in the barricade with them,) piles of trash, and when I went to grab a broom and trashcan, I found the (tall kitchen) trash can full of their vomit.

It was so, so awful. It literally looked like our childhood home had been damaged by a storm. They wrote manic and paranoid rantings all over every inch of the walls with permanent marker. I just cried. I couldn’t look at it, didn’t want to know what kind of things they wrote.

Dissociation took over, and I powered through, separating things I knew they would need, and throwing everything else in garbage bags. I cleaned and cleaned, as fast as possible. It hurt me to deal with, but I couldn’t bare the thought of my parents having to do it.

My mom was a nervous wreck, and my dad, who rarely shows strong emotion beyond anger and irritability, had apparently had a severe panic attack the night before.

I felt it was my responsibility to take care of everyone until I collapsed with exhaustion.

The chaos after

Obviously, this whole experience left me severely burnt out. I had spent most of the last six months totally dissociated, feeling as though it was my role to be the strong and dependable one to my parents and sibling.

I had no idea what a toll it was taking on me.

A few weeks after all this, my health took a nosedive. I’ll save the details for another time, but to make a long story short, I ended up in the ER myself multiple times, in and out of the hospital, countless tests, on a slew of new medications, and a new routine of appointments I had to maintain for the foreseeable future.

After this point, my life as it was before ceased to exist. My entire experience became wholly focused on my health, and dealing with becoming more disabled than ever. I lost the ability to work, to do hobbies, to take care of any responsibilities outside of medical appointments.

This has been my life, from the end of 2021 to now. It’s become impossible to relate to others who aren’t disabled. Just trying to keep in touch and have conversation feels impossible. It’s almost laughable when I’d be asked something like “what are you doing this weekend?” because obviously I’m staying home and trying to survive, just like every other day. Existence becomes a blur. It’s like I’m living in a different world. And there’s so, so, so much grief.

Gaslighting

My sibling stayed in rehab for a month, and seemed to enjoy the experience.

They texted me a few times, talking about themself, their life, what they’re up to. They never asked how I’m doing. They gave one sentence of apology over text (after being prompted to by my mom,) then immediately asked me for a favor.

I just couldn’t. That’s all I can say. There’s nothing there. I’m empty. Totally drained. I’m gone.

I told them I’m happy for them, and gave neutral responses to everything else. They had no sense of reality as to how traumatic this was for everyone. How hurtful the things they said and did were. Just as it’s always been with them, they were ready to just brush it all under the rug as if everything was fine.

This is the exact same kind of gaslighting my abusive ex used to do to me. He was an alcoholic, too, and would get drunk, abuse me, then pretend like nothing happened the next day. It was infuriating, and made me feel totally off balance.I just cannot tolerate ever being treated like that again. That experience in itself fucked me up for four years. I was only less than two years into healing when all this last event with my sibling began. I just can’t deal with it.

I didn’t see them at all after taking them to the hospital, until my family gathered at my grandma’s deathbed a few weeks ago. I wasn’t worried about seeing them, as all I cared about was grandma. I didn’t have the mental space to care about anything else.

Regardless, their presence made me cringe anyway. They walked in, obviously intoxicated, talking about frivolous things about themself while my parents and I were crying and gathered around my unconscious grandma. I tried so hard not to react, but I was so scared they would ruin this moment. The rest of us had been there all day, and it was obvious she was at her final minutes. My sibling stayed briefly, then left the room to “go do something,” and this is when grandma passed.

It reminded me of when I was 20, and our childhood dog started having seizures that wouldn’t stop. I had to make the decision to put him down. My sibling didn’t even spend time with him in his last moments, or come to the animal hospital to say goodbye. I just don’t understand their apparent lack of ability to be there for anyone else.

Now

This morning, they texted me, and I was instantly filled with dread. A couple days ago, they asked if they could stop by as they were in the area. In that moment, I was working, and having mental health struggles of my own. Plus, I have always made it clear to anyone who knows me, I don’t do anything spontaneously. People “just dropping by” has been something I’ve been wildly uncomfortable with my entire life.

I didn’t respond. In my mind, not responding instantly is not only consistent with my communication style, but also how they communicate, too. It takes them days to respond to any texts or calls.

Yet, they apparently took offense to this. They sent accusations of how unfair I was being, how I never gave them a chance, that I was wrong for banning them from ever seeing my dogs again (I’ve never mentioned any rules regarding my dogs whatsoever, although I have had intrusive thoughts about them kidnapping them.)

I’m just so exhausted. I’ve had multiple nightmares about them recently, about them physically hurting and threatening me and my parents. Each time I’ve had one of these dreams, my mom calls me within hours of me waking up, crying because something just happened with my sibling.

I just can’t. It’s damaging my psyche, my body, my life. I’m so sad.

[seashellsoldier]

“The Teachers: A Year Inside America’s Most Vulnerable, Important Profession” by Alexandra Robbins (2023)

As one elementary school teacher aptly summarized, “Politics, greed, and mismanagement have made [teaching] incompatible with physical and mental health” (p. 90, Libby).

Well, one more disheartening report on how our society’s pillars are crumbling, and it couldn’t be more infuriating. Education is the bedrock of any advanced society; well, education and overall health, and good health is attained through solid education. The United States of Hypocrisy is failing dramatically at both of these keystones, and the parallelisms are flagrant.

”Between 2020 and 2022, there was a marked increase in parents harassing, intimidating, and threatening school staff; in several states, parents physically assaulted teachers because they were upset about school mask policies even during virus surges. NBC News reported in 2021, ‘The teacher is now viewed by a small, loud contingent not as a public servant but as a public enemy.’ The following spring, FOX News host Tucker Carlson said that teachers should be ‘beaten up’—and encouraged viewers to ‘thrash the teacher’” (p. 68, Libby).

This mirrors how certain demographics in America have likewise railed against science and healthcare, and just about everything else that scares them. Now, look at education attainment within the United States (https://www.census.gov/newsroom/press-releases/2022/educational-attainment.html). It is terribly sad, but terribly telling too.

Any wonder such a drastic shift has happened in such a short period of time with a toddler tyrant and his sycophants in the White House, entire news networks pandering and puppeteering and propagandizing their virulent misinformation and weaponized disinformation, and global social media-empires profiting off such clickbait bs, to truly influence too many towards an undereducated and incredibly gullible Idiocracy, just so the entitled can reap all the rewards from it while the mindless mobs fight to hold onto xenophobic-based White Christian Nationalism (despite all the data saying it’s the absolute minority in this country now)? All the screeching Karens in Moms For Liberty exemplify this brainwashed desperation, and the GOP couldn’t work harder at watering these poisonous weeds at every opportunity. Heck, the GOP fights against anything that would best benefit the middle and lower classes, seemingly hell-bent on doing everything possible to reinforce systemic poverty. I wonder why. Now, teachers and librarians are under attack, verbally and physically, from emotionally stunted adults who have lost the skills required for good parenting, wanting instant gratification through their bullying and tantrums. The American Psychological Association (APA) has been tracking this well (https://www.apa.org/education-career/k12/violence-educators.pdf), which of course NPR cares about too (https://www.npr.org/2022/03/17/1087137571/school-violence-teachers-covid).

I’ve written this so many times, but the priorities of this country are painfully delusive. Affordable health care and quality education SHOULD BE foundational rights for every single person, and free of charge. Teachers and police officers SHOULD BE the highest trained and best paid public servants on every budget. This is what creates an educated (dare I say “enlightened”), multicultural, vibrant and empathetic, and safe-for-all society. We need to trust our teachers; they are some of the most educated people in society, having to be experts in child development, social-emotional development, curriculum development and assessment, as well as unpaid tutors, parent liaisons, book buyers, charity workers, therapists, social workers, crisis managers, security staff, and human shields. Tell me you do more at whatever job you currently have.

Robbins gives some painfully clear examples of how both “the system” itself, and society at large, work to undermine education in America, save for the lily-white and wealthy enclaves and their for-profit charter school islands (even if teachers form cliques of their own, and fall into patterns of childish bullying, petty rumormongering, and mindless sabotage upon their colleagues). Systemic racism is baked into every fiber of this nation, and education is historically a glaring fault line. Read Poverty, By America by Matthew Desmond for kicks, and look at Florida for the reactionary, clownish insanity of today (and watch as the state slowly, ignorantly allows the sea to reclaim the peninsula in a constantly warming world).

From Columbine High to Robb Elementary, nothing has been done to stop mass murder in schools except to make teachers frontline shields for your children. All of this is a glaring national crisis that reaches the heart of what a nation is.

So: 1. We have a seriously undereducated populace . . . 2. The deep-rooted problems with tech addiction and an unregulated internet erode an undereducated society in all-too apparent ways . . . 3. Parenting, in so many ways for so many children, has changed over the past three generations to be another symptom of a deteriorating society . . . 4. And small-minded, primitive-brained people suck.

For two semesters, I was a counseling intern at an outpatient day-treatment center for kids and teens whose schools deemed them unfit due to behavioral issues. This was a partnership with the county school district, and we had an inpatient facility too. Individual, group, and family sessions were mixed into their weekly coursework, which we continued through licensed educators. Our goal was to help these kids, and their families, find some equilibrium with diagnosed conditions and help them reintegrate back to their home schools. This was, without a doubt, the most rewarding work I’ve ever done. While some conditions are biological or genetic in origin, all too many were direct products of toxic family dynamics. It takes a village to help a child; it takes a village to help a family help their child. Teachers, therapists, child psychologists, a psychiatrist, and all the supporting staff all worked as that village for every single kid. The emotionally, if not physically abandoned, the sexually molested, the physically abused, the psychologically tormented, and the otherwise traumatized were cared for through tears and screams and tantrums of furious energy, but they ultimately knew they were safe and protected, at least for eight hours each day. This is what every school should look like, working as interdisciplinary teams to help every child succeed and thrive. Every child should be given access to every resource imaginable in the wealthiest nation in human history. The future depends upon such a seismic shift in societal priorities.

Robbins also highlights the existential issues alongside viable solutions, which she apparently shared with the Next Big Idea Club (https://nextbigideaclub.com/magazine/teachers-year-inside-americas-vulnerable-important-profession-bookbite/41045/). Solutions are very possible with enough public willpower. We can dynamically transform society in radical ways that can empower the lower classes to thrive with the resources, infrastructure, and opportunities to do so. Ensuring teaching professions are “worth their weight in gold” is a crucial first step. This means giving them the respect and trust they deserve, safe working environments, fair and effective protections, collective bargaining, more staffing, loan forgiveness, supply-rich classes and small class sizes, well-defined and realistic job descriptions, and of course well-paid salaries with encouraging incentives. It takes a certain type of person to be a good teacher; it takes a system that nurtures those good people to pursue education as a life-long career. Again, this is the bedrock of a modern society.

Helping all struggling parents is a future-focused second step that benefits society holistically.

Let the Lost Cause racists scream into the ether, since our bought-out politicians can’t do anything about regulating and policing up the internet, AI, autonomous weapons, and whatever the whole thing evolves into (it will happen sooner than we realize). However, in the meantime, our police forces need the power and motivation to track, prosecute, and punish every ignoramus who bullies, assaults, and casts death threats at everything they don’t like, and protect our public servants from the slathering public, from brick-throwing dads to AR-15-toting teens. (I do realize the bind this puts me in: power to the people, but only those who behave themselves like the adults they’re supposed to be.) Behaviors have consequences, and we need to start policing up such behaviors, collectively. Online public shaming doesn’t seem to affect enough of them, and oftentimes they’re simply parroting their elected officials and media darlings. Adults who lack emotional intelligence will surely produce children doing likewise. The “moral majority” have turned into rabid dogs since the 1960s, and classrooms filled with gunned-down kids don’t phase them one bit. Instead of harassing teachers, they should be parenting their children and grandchildren, helping them prepare for a highly uncertain future. Education will help them. It takes a village, right?

We need to move forward, overturn the priorities of this country, and rebuild our infrastructure from the ground skyward. Education, health care, labor, and pensions. However, this country looks to be a sinking ship captained by selfish, deluded morons voted into office by equally selfish, deluded, and poorly educated idiots. Idiocracy, here we come as climate change falls like a hammer on humanity.

Thank you, Public Library System, for having this title available; and, thank you tenfold, to all the teachers who challenged, encouraged, supported, and enlightened me along the way.