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dzpenumbra · 1 year ago

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7/3/23

Good lord, the night got away from me. It's already almost 5, the sun is coming up. Agh!

I got so much done today, I'm still kinda blown away. I started the day still a bit miffed about the granola that didn't get delivered in my grocery order yesterday... I was really enjoying starting my day with granola and yogurt, it's starting to become my thing. And not having chicken just completely threw off my whole menu, my only protein is chicken (except for eggs in some meals). So... I decided to roll with the punches.

I started to plan out making my own granola. It's most likely going to be cheaper in the long run and I can customize it to make whatever kind of granola I want. There's going to have to be experimentation to get to that point... but yeah, I think I can pull it off. So I started to place a new order to a different grocery store (just to play it safe, in case the one I've been ordering from's supply chain is just fucked), and went with oats, dried strawberries, white chocolate and vanilla. I think it's going to work pretty well. I also decided to get a thing of tofu with it, because fuck it. If I'm already this far and my only step away from vegetarianism is some pre-cooked rotisserie chicken... is it really that big of a leap to just substitute tofu? I guess we'll see. I'm going to save that order for tomorrow afternoon.

I then checked on my plants and saw that my beans are getting ridiculously big. It occurred to me I should get a trellis delivered from Lowe's or something. I was tempted to just walk into the woods and grab some sticks but... it's awkward because I would have to walk back through the gut of town and through my entire building with some 8-foot branches. I'm still feeling self-conscious about shit like that, I really don't know why and I wish I could be a bit more shameless. Like... if I were with one person, I would be fine with it. But alone... it just makes me feel like I have a spotlight on me. I hope I can do something about that soon. I miss the shamelessness of snowskating in the park, I wish I could just magically transfer it over to weird art things.

Instead of going with that plan... I got creative. I remembered that I got a big roll of sisal rope to fix up Max's cat tree for Christmas, and I had a shit-ton left over. So I started my day (before coffee even) weaving a net out of three huge pieces of sisal rope. It's about 5-5.5 feet tall, and I found a little drilled hole in the brick wall right next to where the beans had been living, so I found a spare screw from my desk and mounted the net on the wall and positioned the beans underneath. Within an hour they had wrapped themselves around it! It's so fucking crazy how fast those things move, seriously, it's almost creepy. Because of that, I'm actually interested in growing bamboo sometime. Bamboo is the fastest growing plant in the world. There's just something so crazy to me about seeing something that you normally think of as some inanimate object... and then you come back an hour later and it completely moved itself. That kinda stuff absolutely intrigues me. So.. the beans have a home now! Hopefully it's tall enough... I was reading that they can grow 7-10 feet... and this is only like... 5-6 feet... But there's nowhere higher I can hang that thing so... that's the best I can do. Worse comes to worse... I can hook the net on a big stick and prop the stick against the wall? I guess? I guess we'll just have to see.

In my research this morning, I came across the idea of growing plants upside down. I was thinking... man, if I could just get these beans to be cool with growing down instead of growing up, I could just have them vining from my loft bedroom upstairs and hanging down. That might get messy when it comes time to harvest the beans but... I mean... wouldn't that be easier? And... apparently upside-down gardening is a thing. And I actually could do that. I could even grow tomatoes and strawberries that way. Which would be so cool. I'm sure there are some drawbacks so I'll look into that, but the idea is really fascinating.

After that, remembered I was planning on growing basil in my terracotta pot. But that needed to be sealed. And I was planning on sealing that in the same sealer as the beads I had dyed with ink - tung oil. I've had this bottle of tung oil for over... 6 years? Still hadn't opened it. I was planning to re-finish the scuffed and damaged coffee table that I inherited from my family, that I grew up with. The top had a bunch of water marks and shit, which had the wood sealer peeling off. So... back when I first moved in with my ex, I planned to sand off the sealer and reseal the whole thing with a natural sealant. And tung oil was the one I chose. I never got to the point of ever using the sealer. I just sanded half of it... and then the fights and shit got in the way and I never came back to it.

So, today, I started doing coats of tung oil on the terracotta pot and the red set of beads. It's going well so far. I had been warned of the smell previously, but it's really not that bad at all. It's a weird nutty kinda smell. It's not bad, just new. From what I've been reading, they need about 6 coats, spread apart 6 hours each, fine-grit sanding in between if I want a really nice finish. I've done two coats so far today. So... 3 days total? Once I see what the final finish looks like, I'm most likely going to finally do the coffee table. I just want to test it first. I have plenty of wooden beads and the terracotta pot and saucer was like... maybe $4 total? This coffee table display case is one-of-a-kind, it's the one I grew up with and I think it's older than I am. I just wanna play it safe.

I did yoga, which was again very nice, a good hip and back one, and I was able to open my hips and back a bit more than normal today. Then a deceptively intense upper body workout that I thought was going to be easy. Then I hopped right on stream and streamed until... right before this journal entry. 5.5 hour stream. And the only chat? Some dude who came in and typed so fast and thoughtlessly that he had his right hand shifted over one key, kuje tgus (like this). And then corrected himself to ask me what "app" I was using to make the custom visualizer I was creating. I told him in depth and welcomed him to the stream and... didn't hear anything more out of him. People are really rude nowadays. I'm not fucking google, I'm a person, you can say "hi" and "bye", it won't kill you.

So yeah, I spent like 5 hours working on a visualizer and it came out pretty damn cool. And I got a ton done today, and I feel really good about that. I even spent a good 20 minutes taking my shower drain apart, cleaning it and trying to plunge the drain, just to make sure it's clear. I went for chemical stuff yesterday, which... isn't always the best answer... so I'm trying to get in the habit of more traditional clog clearing methods first, before resorting to chemicals. And I did all this because I showered and had water pooling in the bathtub the day after I did Drano... so... yeah. I gotta do something. If it's not better after this, I'm calling my landlord.

So yeah, that's about that. Gonna move on to tarot before it gets any later.

Past - Five of Wands, inverted (Competition, disagreement, strife, and the accompanying need to step up to the challenge, prove yourself and see it through.) Present - Ace of Swords (Intellect, apply logic and reason, Clarity and focus of mind.) Future - Seven of Cups, inverted (Wishful thinking, fantasy. Letting imagination run wild, disregarding key facts.)

The start of this one is inverted Five of Wands. Five of Wands represents challenge and competition, and the bravery to step up and face that. In this context, I would see inversion at first glance being a difficulty to stand up against competition who is challenging me.

This is connected to Ace of Swords. Aces are beginnings, origins. And Swords are thought, matters of intellect. So... this would be like a catalyst? An origin idea? A starting idea from which a tree of thought grows?

This is connected to inverted Seven of Cups. Seven of Cups is... having your head in the clouds. Daydreaming, being disconnected from the present. And that's Cups, so... emotionally distant? But not in a Four of Cups kinda way. Maybe just... distracted? I don't know this card well.

Okay, I was a bit off on two of them, but not by much. So... inverted Five of Wands in the Past position makes sense. Difficulty stepping up to the challenge of conflict. This resulted in... more clarity, more focus. Because if I hadn't "failed" there, I wouldn't have thought to reassess the way I'm handing those situations... and I've learned a considerable amount about myself and relationships in general just from having been in those conflicts and not engaged well. I'm definitely more focused on logic and material facts in moments like that now, which helps keep the emotions in balance. This is connected to inverted Seven of Cups - being lost in fantasy. Which is kinda daydreaming, so I wasn't far off. A possibility of this is... I can tip the scale in the other direction and get too lost in logic and rationality that I disconnect from fantasy? That's a possibility. Or... here's a possibility I haven't really considered, a different way of reading the inversion... the clarity I have received is showing me that the inverted cards here... represent the problems the other people I'm thinking of are struggling with. Them competing with me... and being lost in emotion-fueled fantasies. Hmm... food for thought.

Let's check the placeholder card and see if that helps clear anything up. The Hermit, inverted. So... the placeholder card has, in the past, served as sort of a... common thread in the narrative. Like... a reference point. So... I would see dysfunction with The Hermit being... the bad sides of isolation. When isolation goes wrong. That's like.. the theme. So the source of this was... competition, conflict, all that going bad. Yep. And currently my struggle with isolation is... staying clear and rational when it comes to social anxiety and agoraphobia. Yep. And in the future, a possible outcome is... possibly getting stuck in fantasy, disregarding certain facts? Or encountering others that are doing this?

Yeah, I'm having trouble reading this, but mostly because I'm exhausted. I gotta get to bed. Points for trying though!

#diary #journal #online journal #stream of thoughts #stream of consciousness

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kinetic-elaboration · 2 years ago

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January 11: This Week So Far

I made it through the first two tough days of this week, and to Wednesday, which is just a Normal Day. I am such a creature of habit, I get all worked up about any change to the normal day routine. So the early part of this week was rather stressful, in a low-key, I-shouldn't-be-stressed-about-this-thing-but-I-am way. Tomorrow I have a meeting, and Friday I have several events--all good/fun things like staff breakfast, lunch out, a TS meeting (counts as fun, we never do work during those), etc., and even the search committee meeting is something I'm looking forward to because I'm curious to hear people's opinions on the candidates--so today is really the only day where work was just 8 hours to work on whatever I want and after-work is just...well, admittedly most of my days are like this, but basically, free and open.

Work was pretty successful. I think I have already veered from Deluge to Drought, which makes me pretty annoyed at all the stress I let myself feel last week, despite my best efforts. But I am feeling more under control, which is good. After work, I did NOTHING (no regrets, except for how late I'll sleep). All in all, a very neutral day for the middle of the week.

On Monday, I had my rescheduled dentist appointment, which went very well. It was extremely efficient and my teeth were fine, which I always worry about at this point, just because I've had these teeth for nearly 30 years and you never know what they're up to. Then I stopped by the Food Lion on my way home and also the Starbucks. Somehow got a blister on my toe...extremely sad since I wasn't walking that much, but oh well.

Then Tuesday were the candidate interviews, which went very well, but did eat up a hug chunk of the middle of the day. I liked both applicants a lot, and I think that was the general consensus. We were up in the Faculty Library ("by tradition" lmao--okay, I have never seen a library person interviewed in the Faculty Library and I've been here for years and seen like half the current stuff interviewed but okay, a tradition from the vault), which was sort of disorienting actually. But cozy.

After work I went serious grocery shopping, which also went very well since I didn't have much to buy. I need to keep that energy up--no extraneous grocery purchases in 2023. The Mart is in the midst of some kind of huge rearrangement of its grocery section, which made stuff hard to find, but ultimately I got everything I wanted. I'm curious what it will look like when they're done.

So I have accomplished much this week... a couple more days to go. I should probably actually be productive after work tomorrow because I have some home-things I haven't done but... we'll see. I am very tired and want to sleep.

#the year 2023 #2023: rl

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mishydraws · 9 months ago

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Hello. Just wanted to update everyone. We still don't have an apartment secured.

We found a place that could have actually been pretty good for us long term. It was close to a friend, some of the neighbors and I already had a mutual friend, it had an area for my mom to do a little gardening outside, it was super close to all of her preferred grocery stores, the LL lived on the property too and said they don't really raise the rent ever, and the rent was only $25 more than what we were already paying. It also seemed to be very private and quiet. We would have been eaten by mosquitoes but this place really could have offered us some real stability long term. The LL wanted reliable long term tenants which is us in a nutshell given the last time we moved was 24 years ago.

Then he gave it to some other guy that he was already iffy about because he got his app in first. He had taken the listing down and it was just us and him who applied, and the LL went with him which has demoralized me in ways I can't even convey. If we had to leave the city we're in now that I grew up in, this was the only place I've seen that I felt moderately okay about.

I have one other lead that I don't want to say much about right now, but it is acting as a very flimsy safety net that I'm clinging onto just for the sake of securing a place for us to go to for now. We'll see how that pans out because I'm not looking at it as a guaranteed thing and it will absolutely be a panic scenario if we take it given the price point. It is currently being renovated so I can't know more just yet but LL knows we're interested. Hopefully they don't forget.

Aside from that, the sticker club art I was working on isn't done yet and normally yesterday or today would be the days I use to do all of my end of month prep to prepare and deliver rewards for you all but... you know.

I thought if we managed to secure a place quickly it would allow me some breathing room to work on my usual stuff but instead I'm still doomscrolling apt listings all day long. I haven't even had the capacity to start packing anything because this is literally all I do. It would have made our lives so much easier for the time being if the LL at the place we submitted to had just gone with us instead. I chased him down across two cities just to hand him our app fees and everything 😢

Anyway. Thank you everyone for continuing to support me here. Stuff from this month is definitely going to be late and thinking about next month just makes me want to break down crying so I won't promise anything right now.

Mishy

Very... very unfortunate life update

Hi, everyone.

Ok, I don’t want to waste your time but I wanted to be upfront about what’s going on in my life just so you all know.

Last night I got what is probably one of the worst emails that could have ever appeared in my inbox? Our landlord has given us a 60-day notice to get out. For context, my mom and I have been living here since the year 2000. We have never been late on rent or missed a payment despite every difficulty life has thrown at us in that time and this has completely blindsided us.

We haven’t spoken to any of the neighbors yet but some of the wording on the notice makes me think that they may be kicking out the entire building. Or maybe they’re just targeting those of us in the non-renovated units because we’ve been here so long and they could charge a new tenant much more with a quick kitchen and bathroom upgrade. Renoviction is a new word I just learned. I don’t know. That’s what happened to my brother at his last apartment. They kicked out everyone in his building, renovated, raised the rent, then let new people move in.

They suddenly started increasing our rent every year like clockwork a few years ago so I’ve had a feeling they’ve been trying to price us out for a while but I didn’t know they could just… tell us to leave just because they can. Rent consistently paid up and everything for 24 years.

The notice we received really doesn’t say much so it’s all speculation I guess. It doesn’t state a reason why it just says we need to be gone by March 31st.

But basically, I’m really not doing well right now in all honesty. I slept for maybe an hour last night and it’s like a switch flipped in me as soon as I read the email. My stomach has had this weird knotted feeling ever since and I can’t stand up for more than a few minutes before needing to lie down again in case I either faint or vomit… I’m not sure which but it’s been this way since last night. I had to stand up at the sink to wash one singular dish from dinner and I could barely do it. At least I didn’t see the email until after I ate last night because I still have no appetite now.

However bad I’m feeling I know my mom is probably feeling worse. She has been for a while. She’s getting older and my dad is no longer alive. Aside from my brother and one irl friend I still see in person regularly, we have no family or other support system in this country and are well and truly on our own, staring down the barrel of homelessness if we can’t quickly secure a place and move decades worth of our life there before the end of March.

All of this to say, I don’t know what our usual art shenanigans here are going to look like during this time. I am incredibly stressed to the point where I am physically ill but I also can’t pause and step away because I do need the income that I receive from your support of me/my art here. It’s just the reality. I’ve never been particularly Big And Successful with what I do so your support means all the much more and makes a real impact on my life.

I am so sorry if this dampens your mood at all today or if you notice a decrease in the quality of art I’m able to deliver over the next few months but I will try my best to keep things rolling and let you know if there’s any particular delays to expect.

To top it off, I requested a tour of a nearby apartment last night (more expensive than our current) and the name of the person who just texted me back has the same name as our current landlord. Who wants to start taking bets? I know for a fact they own a lot of property in the area so this isn’t looking promising.

Anyways. Sorry for this downer of a post. If we’re not homeless in 2 months then… I dunno. I’ll have somewhere indoors to do art? Yay? You can imagine the housing market we’re dealing with being in California. The prospect of moving at this point has always been one of my biggest fears but we’ll see if we get lucky real fast 😢

If you've ever thought about supporting my Patreon or anything else, now and over the next few months might be a good time if you can swing it. Maybe it'll help us secure a place to move if I can point to it and be like 'Look! A whole income!' 🥲 Idk man.

There's an art update in the (public) post I made if you want to see what we're at least trying to work on for sticker club through all of this.

Mishy

#sigh #mishy talks #I'm typing out updates on patreon just because I'm trying to not disappear on my patrons #kill me

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pbandjesse · 2 years ago

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I am at the theater with James! It is intermission right now. And James has to keep running out to deal with job stuff. But I am having a great time. A great Halloween.

I didn't sleep great last night but I woke up in a great mood. James was out on a bike ride. I got up and got washed up and as I was getting dressed James was coming home.

And it was a great day. Sweetps 8th birthday! We got him a present and special treats. And I was feeling good.

Me and James worked on finishing the drawings for the staffs. I think they came out so cool. Though James is going to attach them for me and the first one went crooked. So we have to reassess that. But I loved having James's help. They did the big coloring in after I did all the details. And I'm just thrilled so far. I can't wait to see them done.

We hung out for a while before we ventured into the world. We wanted to get lunch and do Halloween photos and get groceries before we went to the theater.

So there was lots to do. We would drive over to Pepe's and get sandwiches. And it was just really nice being out together. We enjoyed our lunch and then drove down the street to the same park we did our engagement photos at.

Honestly we had to much fun. We set up a tripod and we did use it but I had more fun just running around and screaming. We were having a blast. We swapped costumes half way through. I found being a sheet ghost was to disorienting. But I love just taking pictures with James.

And I think we really got great shots. And some just hilarious faces. Ever since I figure out how to export live photos as videos I have really appreciated them for my little tiktoks. And I was really happy with the snapshots we got today.

The running was a lot for me though. And after a few runs towards and away from the camera I was ready to chill. We did some cute photos on the benches by the water. And then it was time to get out of the drizzle.

We went to the grocery store and I was disappointed that they had no pumpkins at all!! I was hoping to make pumpkin seeds but no suck luck. But that was okay. I got some stuff for lunches this week from the deli counter. And we popped around the store for a while. But I was feeling tired all of a sudden so I was happy to go home.

James put away all the groceries while I laid down for a while. I didn't sleep but my body didn't hurt so much anymore.

So I would knit for a long while. I got all caught up to today so I can do my monthly clip for progress. And I got started on my new rectangle loom. And I'm really excited about it but I already broke a peg off. So that is annoying but at least I have the proper glue to fix that now.

James made us Indian food in bed. And after dinner got our shoes back on and headed to the theater.

I requested we drove both because of the rain and because I didn't want to walk home in the dark.

But that made us a little to early. So we waited in the car until 6 and headed in.

James got people checked in while I knitted. And the show was honestly great.

I thought it was an opera but it was actually the Johns Hopkins dance capstone projects! And it was so fun! I started this during intermission but the show just finished. The second dance was my favorite and had the best outfits. The solo dances were my least favorite but you could really see the control they had over their bodies and that was really neat. The whole thing leaves me curious what you do with a BFA in dancing. Only because from what I know about ballet and figure skating. Your career is usually over by 26? But this is different so I'm curious what a career looks like. It's really cool though!! I'm glad we came.

It was a really good Halloween. And I am in a good mood. But I am also tired. They are doing a q&a right now. And we'll stay until the crowd leaves. And then home for showers and bed.

Tomorrow we are going to go to Ellicott city to start Christmas shopping. And I'm looking forward to a nice day.

Goodnight everyone!! Take care of yourself!!

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rainycl0udss · 4 years ago

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Chapter 3;

The morning after party

//When can I say "I love you"?//

Written Chapter!

Word count; 1780

Moons POV

I lay peacefully in my bed, sleeping.

That was untill I heard one of the most annoying sounds of all time.

My alarm.

Don't get me wrong, I love the song Euphoria but I wish I didn't have to wake up right now.

I turn my head to the noice and pick up my phone so I can turn of the sound of my alarm playing.

I check my phone on social media and I check my mails aswell.

I look at the time, it's 8:35 am.

Way to early for my liking but I don't really have a choice. I've got plenty of things to do today. I'll probably have to go grocery shopping too. I don't think Mimi is going to be in the right state of mind to do it today.

With a sigh I get out of my bed and walk to the kitchen.

Just like I had suspected, nobody else is awake yet. They're probably going to be sleeping till noon.

I walk to the fridge and take out some banana milk, cheese and eggs. I'll probably make an omelette with some cheese, drink some banana milk and call it breakfast.

After preparing my meal and eating it it's already 09:48 am.

That's not as late as I thought it would be.

I have to be in the studio around noon, so I've got plenty of time to get ready.

I clean my dishes and decide I'll take a shower to clean myself. Something that is definitely needed because my hair smells like liquor.

I walk back to my bedroom and grab a black jeans and a grey hoodie. I also take some fresh underwear and head to the bathroom.

There is one positive about waking up before everyone else and that is,

The bathroom is not occupied.

I undress, step in the shower and start washing my hair.

I'm not really a morning person, I like to sleep in and I probably would never leave my bed if that was an option. Sadly it's not. I'm also normally not a person who showers in the morning. Normally I shower before I go to sleep. I like it better that way. That way my hair can dry naturally at night and I'll feel fresh in the morning. Obviously I had no time for a shower yesterday night. I was way to tired to do anything else but sleep.

I'm curious if the others remember anything about last night. I have a feeling Mimi probably doesn't. She never does.

Jae, that's debatable. She normally remembers everything, but she normally isn't that drunk so I guess we shall see.

For some reason Yun will probably remember everything, even tho that girl can get so drunk she almost dies, she'll always remember everything. It's kinda scary really.

Jae and Mimi, mostly Mimi, complain that she doesn't remember anything and that Yun should be happy she could remember.

Yun always responds with "It's more of a curse then a blessing, sometimes I wish I didn't remember."

I think I understand what she means, in that perspective I'm the same as Yun.

I can drink as much as I want, I'll remember everything. But I don't drink much so it's never a problem.

Ones I'm done showering I change in my clothes and head back to my room.

My hair is still wet so I decide to wear a beanie.

I look at the clock and see it's 10:27 am.

There is still no sign that my friends are waking up anytime soon.

I put on my boots and take my jacket. I take my keys and my bag and leave for the car.

I guess it's time for me to go grocery shopping.

Ones in the grocery I buy whatever I think we'll be needing. I'm normally not the one to do it, but it needs to be done.

Ones I'm back home I see that Jae is awake.

"Good morning." I say while unpacking the groceries.

"Hey Moon. Do you know where the painkillers are?" Jae asks me in a quiet voice.

She's definitely hungover.

"I think in the cabinet next to instant noodles." I exclam while still unpacking.

I hear her open the cabinet and take a painkiller.

"I found them, thanks." She says after taking a painkiller.

"You seem pretty hungover Jae." I state to her.

"I AM pretty hungover. This fucking sucks." She huffes.

"You shouldn't have drunk as much as you did. Then you wouldn't be in this position." I claim.

"Shut up will you. I know I shouldn't have but you know how it goes..." She argues back.

Honestly, I don't know. I'm pretty good at holding my liquor so it's never really been a problem for me.

"Whatever floats your boat Jae." I chuckle.

"How long have you been awake?" She asked me while she goes to sit down.

I look at the clock and see it's 11:36 am.

"About three hours now. I'm guessing you just woke up." I reply.

"Why the fuck would you wake up that early?" Jae exclames

"Because unlike some people I actually have things to do today and wanted to get it done." I articulate.

Jae just rolls with her eyes.

"I made y'all some breakfast btw, it's more like brunch right now but whatever. It's in the fridge." I announce to Jae.

I get up from the table to walk to my room but I get interrupted by Jae.

"You made us breakfast? That's a first." She interjects.

"It's not a first you bitch, I always make y'all breakfast when you're hungover." I remark.

Without waiting for her to respond I walk to my room.

I grab my bag and put all my work in it.

I walk back to the kitchen to see Jae eat the food I made for her.

She's watching her kdrama while eating.

I go to the cabinet and grab a pot of instant noodles and a banana milk out the fridge. I put them both in my bag and walk to the front door of the apartment.

"Where are you going?" I hear Jae ask me before I could leave.

"To the studio." I answer without looking up.

"It's not even school today." She nags.

"That doesn't mean I can't work for school. Besides, now I'm behind on schedule because of yesterday." I persist.

"Are you leaving already?" I hear a different voice say.

I turn around and look at both Yun and Jae.

"I have to get my work done guys." I sigh.

It's not like it's fun for me to leave them alone all the time. They're my friends and I care about them. But I also care about my future.

"Can't you go to the studio around 1 pm?"

Yun begs me.

I take a deep breath.

I guess I can do that.

I sigh but place my bag on the floor and walk back to the table and sit down.

"I'll stay till 12:30 pm alright." I confirm.

Yun smiles at me.

"Good to hear." She smiles.

"So how are you?" I ask after a short silence.

"I'm oke. I guess." She mumbles while stuffing her face with bacon.

"I honestly don't remember much." Jae confesses.

I'm not surprised about that.

"I fucking wish I didn't remember anything. It was so embarrassing." Yun grumbles.

"I only remember that Mimi started puking and that you were grinding against some guy." Jae laughs.

"Euw, Don't remind me of Mimi puking. You know I hate puke." She recalls disgusted.

"Who was the guy?" I hint in a joking matter.

"Just some guy I made out with, he wasn't my soulmate." She whines.

I just shake my head an laugh a little.

This is typical behavior for her. Same goes for Mimi. Always going around and have one night stands with random guys from clubs. The only rule we have is to not go to his home. Luckily that didn't happen yesterday.

"I really hoped I would have found my soulmate." Jae whimpers.

"Same here, I'll probably just die alone." Yun dramatically states.

"I actually enjoyed myself for and hour are so." I suddenly confess to them.

The both turn their heads to me at the same time and just stare at me.

"Can you both stop staring at me please, it's unsettling." I accuse.

"You enjoyed yourself? At a party? Do I even know you?" Yun jokes while she punches my arm.

"Then what did you do? Because I didn't see you dance even ones." Jae questions.

"I talked to a someone. Her name was Areum. She was very nice. She also helped me find Soo-Yun." I inform them.

"I'm glad you actually enjoyed yourself. Maybe you'll come with us again." Yun smiles at me.

She trying to hint me to go with them again. Oh hell nah.

"I don't think so, but good try." I laugh and pet her on the shoulder.

"But I'm leaving now." I inform them.

I get up and walk to the front door.

"Don't come home to late!" Jae yells.

I pick my bag from the ground and open the door.

"I won't, tell Mi-Hi that her food is in the fridge!" I yell before I close the door.

I decided that I'll go on foot. The studio isn't so far from our apartment it's only a 20 minute walk. I plug in my headphones and start blasting Dimple from BTS.

God I love that song.

Ones I get to the studio I start looking for my ID to show them I have promision to use the studio.

When I look in my wallet for my ID I found an familiar looking card.

It's the card that Ari unnie gave me.

I put it in my pocket and walk in the building.

I show them my ID and walk to my studio.

I poof myself in my seat and pull the card out of my pocket.

Coffee shop Blooming.

It look aesthetically pleasing.

I'll definitely go there this week. I would really like to talk to Ari unnie again. She was very nice.

I put it back in the pocket of my jeans and start to work on my final project of this semester.

I have alot to catching up to do. Definitely now that I'm leaving in a few weeks to Busan for Hanas birthday.

I can't afford to waist time.

I sigh one last time before I take of my headphones and plug them in my computer. I'm in work mode ones again.

This is going to be a long day.

<<Previous// //Next>>

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twilightxcx · 5 years ago

Text

Finding home

Part 11 - "So there is nothing that you wanna ask me?"

NOVAS POV

"So apparently, you seem to be the Cullens new shining toy? Correct?" Emily asks placing down a bag of apples in the cart as I push it walking towards the vegetables. In my left hand I also hold Claire's hand, since her daycare is closed today Emily insisted she could take her for the day instead. I sigh at Emily's question, looking down at Claire as she holds strongly onto my hand, half afraid, and half exited about the new area she is currently in.

"I guess you could call it that. The thing that freaked me out the most though was that Renesmee tried to follow me and Paul into Pack land, making everyone stop breathing for a moment. And that Alice saw mine and Paul's future. Call that the surprice of the year" I speak, stopping the cart as Emily walks away to grab atleast two big sacks of potatoes, some carrots, a few sallads, a cucumber and two peppers.

"Ah yes, the baby. Sam told me everything last night when you all had gone home. Must have been scary for you to hear a woman you don't even know talk about your future like that. Especially when it involves children. You don't believe her do you?" Emily's tone is calm but serious as she speaks. I shrug my shoulders, unsure of how to answer.

"I don't know Emily, what if she is right? I mean Edward seem to have seen it too, and why would she lie? But I don't know, I mean I and Paul just met and we aren't even married or anything like that." I speak, a little bit conflicted about how to feel about it all as Emily takes the cart moving further into the store, with me and Claire following closely behind. Claire starts to jump in excitement when we walk past the toys section, only to get even more eager to look at all the shiny toys when Emily stops right in front of it.

"I knew it! You are planning to get married! Is it soon? Omg please let me be a bridesmaid. Will your family be there? I'm-" Emily starts to say before I interrupt her. "No Emily no, no wedding. It may look like me and Paul are taking it very fast right now but we are NOT getting married this year! You hear me? No Mrs Lahote this year and definetly no mini Lahote this year.." I speak with a determined tone as she stands there with a smile on her face and a glimt in her eyes giving me the you-are-lying look. As I feel Claire draging me towards the cars in the toy section, Emily quietly follows us pushing the cart infront of her. Claire points at a purple car with red air horns on top of it whilst jumping excitedly up and down, making me sigh.

"Please please Emily, Nova pleaseeee I need it. It looks so cool!" Claire almost screams out as I take it in my hand giving Emily a look that says we are done talking about mine and Paul's relationship as I put the plastic car in the cart, letting Claire get the shiny new toy. Claire tightly puts her arms around my middle in a thank you hug as Emily just gives me a teasing look back saying nothing but that she will get it out of me eventually. I roll my eyes at that.

"And that will be 257 dollar and 39 cents. Thank you, do you want a recipt?" Emily stands by the counter paying as I stuff all the heavy bags into the cart ones again. Damn these boys can eat, why isnt it them that are buying all this instead of us?

Looking down at Claire I find her already running around with her new toy on the floor, making me smile a little at the little girl's excitement. While holding my last bag of food my phone all suddenly starts to vibrate, and just a second later Emily's does too. Placing down the heavy bag on the floor again I take up my phone from my pocket only to realise half a second later that it is Paul calling me. I answer.

"Hey Paul, had a goo-" I only have time to say before he interrupts. "Where are you? Are you okay? Sam said you were supposed to look after Claire all afternoon with Emily but none of you is here." Paul implies with a worried, almost panicked tone, making me feel bad about not notifying them about our trip to Port Angeles. Especially when all of the imprints constantly are under a high treath its good to maybe have mentioned it to them before we left.

Just a few feet a way I can now hear Emily have the exact same conversation with Sam as she in slow steps walks over to me and Claire.

"We just went shopping some food baby, I'm sorry, we should have told you. We are actually on our way home now, we'll be there in 20 minutes." I speak as I hear Paul speaking with Sam and another one of the boys before I hear his voice in the speaker once again.

"Me and Sam are on our way, stay where you are. I love you." He says with a stressed tone before he adruptly ends the call, which surprices me a little. When I look up Emily is already done speaking with Sam and is on her way to push the cart out to the parkinglot. Claire stands right infront of me with a worried look on her face, the purple car in her hand.

"Has something bad happened?" She asks quietly, with a sad look on her face, putting me at unease that she is so young but already so aware of how a big part of the people she knows and cares about are in some sort of danger. I shake my head with a sympathetic smile, crouching down to the little girl's face level.

"Hey, nothing has happened and nothing will happen. Sam and Paul just missed us so much they wanted to come see us" I lie.

"And if something ever were to happen we will always protect you, whatever that something may be. Okay?" I speak with a soft voice. Looking into the little girl's brown eyes they now don't look as dull as second ago, she smiles at me.

"Okay. Do you think Paul and Sam would like to see my new car?" She asks, back to her normal happy self. I smile at hear, nodding. "Absolutely, now how about we go out to Emily and see if she need any help packing in the groceries into the car?" I speak as Claire nods in excitement. "Good, let's go" Whilst taking Claire's hand in my bigger one we walk out to the parkinglot and over to where Emily is already on her way putting in groceries into the grey car.

"Wow you really came here fast." Emily states as she leans in to hug Sam quickly whilst Paul almost runs over to me and have in milliseconds put his arms around me. Just a few minutes after me and Emily finished packing in the groceries into the car, Sam and Paul arrived in Paul's car and parked just a few meters away, Paul almost running out of his seat to be able to run over to me.

"Hi Nova" Paul speaks a little bit calmer now in comparison to when we spoke on the phone.

"Hi to you." I smile as Paul presses a kiss to my cheek and mouth. I put my arms around his neck pulling him further down to my face to be able to give him another, longer kiss this time. As we let go Paul pulls me - if even possible- more to his chest as he places his face in the crook of my neck, breathing in my scent. I shiver at the feeling, placing one of my hands by the back of his head.

"I was so worried something happened. We found two leaches just a fucking mile from the house. I just got so worried. I mean what if they would have got you? " He mumbles out, telling me what probably set his mind at unease during our call on the phone. His face is next to my ear while speaking and i hug him tighter when he says the last sentence, knowing that a vampire getting to me is one of his worst fears.

"Don't worry Paul, I am right here. Here with you, in your arms" I say, letting him hold me for as long as he needs. Based on the silence from Sam and Emily I can imagine they reason the same way. Paul is easiest the most emotional of the wolves, and that isn't something you should ignore neither joke about. We stay like that for a few moments, just hugging, him ocationally leaning down to kiss different parts of my face and neck.

After I don't know how long, Paul feels stable enough to let go of his strong hold on me, giving me a apologizing look while doing so. I shake my head, giving him a understanding smile as I caress his cheek. He leans into my embrance.

"Look Sam, I have a new car! Its soooo fast, look!" I hear from behind Paul as our eyes stays locked, making me laugh a little at the little girl's words. Paul smiles too, just before he places a open kiss to the palm of my hand, then taking my hand in his.

"Let's go, don't want Claire to wait far to long until she gets to show the rest of the guys her cool car. You riding back with me, right?" He asks, holding my hands in his. I smile, looking down at our connected hands, before I look up once again.

"Ofcourse. Are they taking Claire?" I ask, looking over at the couple who still seems to be looking at Claire showing of her new car. Paul calls to Sam, getting the attention from his packleader only a second later.

"Who takes Claire?" He asks and gets directly an answer from Sam. "We do, see you at home." Sam speaks as me and Paul nod at his words. In hand in hand we walk over to Paul's car to soon be siting inside of it.

"I'm sorry for my reaction earlier, I just got a little worried." Paul explains with a quiet tone driving out of the parkinglot behind Sam and Emily's car. He's eyes stayes locked at the car infront of us almost as if I were to yell at him about earlier.

"Don't worry Paul, really. If a long hug is what you need after some tough hours in patrol then I am all up for it. It is much better than taking it out on your bothers or yourself. Plus, I've missed you today so nothing bad with getting a extra long hug, right?" I assure him with a smile as Paul quickly glances at me before focusing back at the road.

"Thank you, the other guys would have just teased me about it, but you didn't." He says with a sad tone in his voice. Even though I know the pack members would always be there for each other, I can visualize them teasing Paul about exact situations like this, and unlike Sam, he needed more then just a hug and a kiss to be assured that I was actually here with him, and that I wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. In a soothing matter I place my hand on his warm bicep, making him look up at me once again.

"Joking about it doesn't make it better or easier for you. And If they ever joke about you like that when I am there you know I am gonna make their lives hard, don't forget I got your back." My tone is serious while speaking making Paul do nothing but smile, and laugh a little at the mentally picture of me punishing the guys probably displaying in his mind.

"Thank you babe, that's so sweet, but I doubt you could fysically fight any of the pack members. Not even if you so used a bat." He laughes, making my stomach go wild with butterflies over how wonderful his laugh is. I roll my eyes at his statemet, even though he absolutely is right.

"Who said I was gonna use a bat? I have something more powerful than that. I would deny them food." I smile teasingly, making Paul laugh even more. He takes my hand in his, it's a little bit bigger than mine, almost rougher, but I like it in some kind of way.

"Okay, you are right, you would win." He smiles before he continues. "Thank you babe, really, I needed that." He tells me, meeting my gaze one last time before focusing back on the road entirely. I shrug my shoulders.

"You deserve the best, and I think you should be treated like so"

PAUL'S POV

Arriving at Sam's house, Sam have already parked the car and are on his way together with Emily about to empty the car of groceries. Together with them I see Jared, Jake and Embry helping to unpack the car.

Turning to my right, I find Nova answering a text on her phone. She smiles a little at the screen, completely forgotten about the rest of the world around her. She might not even know we the car isn't moving anymore. I unbuckle my seatbelt.

"Who are you texting?" I ask, trying not too seem all to obvious about that I am jealous of the whole situation. She looks up at me, her beautiful grey eyes meeting mine, carrying that beautiful spark of hers.

"My mom, she asks if you are as handsome in real life as on the pictures." Nova laughes, making me feel both guilty about even thinking of her cheating on me, but also releved since she only talked to her mom and they talked about me. Gosh I am so stupid.

"Aha, okay, then what did you answer?" I ask shyly, feeling a blush creeping up on my face already. I'm not even embaressed anymore to say that Nova has the biggest influence on me, just by calling me handsome she gets my body all warm and a little electric.

"I told her you are even more gorgeous in real life. And that I miss her." Her voice is as always so kind, gentle, but this time also a little bit sad. I take her hand in mine, stroking it calmingly with my thumb across the back of her hand.

"Do you wanna visit Sweden soon?" I ask with a sympathetic tone very noticeable in my voice, taking in her red full lips and cute nose several times during the time she keeps her gaze locked at our intertwined hands, thinking. She soon looks back up at me.

"Only if you come with me." She offers with honesty and vulnerability, sighing just as she finishes the last word. "You dont, forget it, it's stupid." She tells me, adruptly changing her mind, waving it of as nothing.

"I would like to go with you, to Sweden. We could even move there if you'd prefer it that way." I respond, probably feeling just as vulnerable as she does right now. She raises her eyebrows at my statement.

"You mean that?" She inquires, I nod. "Ill go wherever you go. Always." I answer, making a very big smile take place on her beautiful face.

"You are such a sweetheart do you know that?" She asks, pulling me into a hug I am not late to answer, not late to shrug my shoulders at the question.

"For the right person, yes." I flirt, winking at her making her roll her eyes, taking my hand in hers again.

"You are also such an idiot." She beames.

Walking into Sam and Emily's house Claire is as expected on her way to show of her very cool, purple and red car.

"Hey you two lovebirds, are you always gonna make out in the car when we carry the food into the house?" Jared jokes, coming into give me a hug as Nova takes of her jacket. He then does the same with Nova.

"Ha ha, very funny. No. We were actually talking about my home country and about how much I miss my mom, nothing else. " Nova implies taking my hand in hers, sending shivers up my arm in an instant. Jared nods at her words.

"Alright, fine. Anyways, did you come to any reasoning in who you are gonna ask to come with you to the hospital?" Jared questions, looking at our both with a excited gaze. Nova nods.

"Sure did" She answers. "So there is nothing that you wanna ask me?"Jared implies with a cocky smirk as Nova simply shakes her head, looking up at me. "Nope, Paul and I came to the agreeing that we should take the one I first of all feel the most comfortable with, but also the one we know for sure can handle being around a few vampires without freaking out"

"That must be a joke since no one of the pack can handle the Cullen's without sooner or later having to freak out on them" Jared argues, probably disappointed because of mine and Nova's choices, placing his arms over his chest in a defensive manner.

"You are right Jared, but I stand my case and you will not be the one to join us in the car when I get my medication this Wednesday" Nova says as Jared just rolls his eyes, clearly giving up on winning this fight.

"Anyway, I suppose Emily needs help preparing the food, I'll be in the kitchen if you need me" Nova continues with a smile, placing a small kiss on my jaw before she leaves the hall and enters the kitchen.

NOVAS POV

When the food is almost done and I'm on my way to make the table together with Paul, Quil, Leah and Seth enters the house. Both Leah and Quil gets called over by Claire siting on the sofa with her toys, telling them to sit down with her whilst Seth takes a seat at the dinner table in the kitchen. Paul offers me to take a seat while he finishes up the last parts of making the table.

"Hi" Seth breathes. With a tired look on his face he looks at me, but the smile he puts up is nothing but fake. The bruises covering his forearms and legs I know he resently fought a vampire, or atleast chased one, but that still doesn't tell me why he seems so sad. "Hi Seth" I answer siting down next to him. "Long day?" I ask.

"Yeah" He nods, looking down at his hands with freshly cut open wounds before he looks back up at me with a small smile, a real smile this time. "But now La push stays safe for a little while longer and that's all I'm here for" He continues as I scan him tip to toe, realising he must have been the one to come face to face with the vampire the most, if he weren't the only one to fight the vampire.

"Do you need stitches? Or something else, I'm sure we could work something out?" I ask, friendly taking his both hands in mine. He shakes his head. "No I'm fine I promise, I'll heal soon, we always heal" He says hurriedly, his mouth then continuing to say something I can't interpret, mumbling. Paul sits down next to me, placing his hand calmingly on my thigh, feeling my worry towards one of our closest friends.

"What happens Seth?" Paul asks, Seth imedietly meeting his gaze, mouthing words I once again can't understand, but Paul seems to understand.

"What did he say? Before you killed him?" Paul demands, making Seth close his eyes for a short second before looking back at me.

"It could just be a loose treath, I don't know" He starts, looking back and forth between me and Paul. "Tell us" I speak. Seth sighs.

"He said there are more of them coming, for revenge." Seth explains, I turn to give a quick glance at Paul but his expression seems as clueless as my thoughts.

"Revenge for what?" Emily asks, seeming to have been listening to our dialogue all along as she is making dinner. Seth looks down at our connected hands, mine kinda small grasping at his definitely bigger ones. Their roughness that still provides such gentle gestures reminds me alot of Paul.

"It seemed to have to do with the Cullen's. But since he crossed packland on his way there, I finished him before he got to them." Seth responds.

"Does Sam know about this?" Emily asks as Seth nods his head. "Yeah, we were about to finish our patrol when I caught it's scent. Sam was the one closest away from me, and after I killed it he came and ordered me to come here, taking help from Jake to get rid of the body." Seth explains as Emily places this big pot in the middle of the dinner table, telling Paul to go get the others whilst the food is still hot. He leaves my side after placing a quick kiss onto my cheek.

"I recommend you to let him take care of it, since you both were on patrol at the same time he must have heard the dialog between the two of you and if I were you I would let him decide what to do next." Emily tells Seth in a soothing voice as he nods agreeingly at her words. Emily sits down at the table just seconds before the whole pack enters the kitchen.

"It smells good in here" Sam says, hugging his wife from behind as she tries to hug back as good as possible siting on a chair.

"Yeah it definitely does. I'm starving!" Jake exclaims siting down next to Seth, giving him a gentle pat on the back whilst doing so. "Sam and I talked and we will stand by for now, so don't worry." He tells Seth in a calming manner. Seth sends him a thankful glanse as we start digging in on the food.

"She is coming this Friday, and not to exaggerate but she is really excited to meet you Nova, like really excited." Jared beames whilst talking about his girlfriend and Imprint Kim, you can really tell how much he cares about her just the way his eyes lit up talking about her. I nod with a smile, saying that I also can't wait to meet her, knowing that it probably would mean alot for not only Jared but also Paul if his imprint and his best friends imprint actually liked eachother.

"What happens this Friday?' Claire asks confused siting in my lap, looking up at me with her back towards me so that she almost hits my chin with the back of her head. From the corner of my eye, siting beside me on the sofa, I can see Paul jump a little at that, but he lets it go since no one were damaged.

"It's the weekly bonfire Claire, you know the one with all the hot dogs and hamburgers, where we tell all these cool stories about wolves, and you eat alot of marshmallows." Quil says standing up from the sofa opposite of us, walking over and crouching down in front of me and Claire, poking her in her little belly. Claire laughs at the ticklish feeling his finger made on her belly, smiling up at him as she spreads out her arms for a hug, and the second she's in his arms he runs off, with her and her toy off to the backyard as I hear both his and her laugh echoing through the house. She may only be five, but he may probably be the love of her life.

"So, have you asked the person you wanted to come join you to the hospital yet?" Jared questions with a raised brow and a smirk, impatiently waiting for an answer. Imedietly I turn to Seth across the room, watching him play a videogame with Jake, Brady and Collin. His back is facing my direction, and so I cannot tell if he is secretly listening to our dialogue or not. Paul rolls his eyes.

"I thought we cleared that you are not gonna be the one joining, Jared." Paul empathizes, putting an arm around my shoulders as I lean into his embrace, thinking this might be the best chance I'll get to ask him all day.

"Seth?"I ask, as not only Seth but the rest of the guys siting by the TV turns to me, obviously irritated that I disturbed them in their game. During the same second I can hear Jared whisper 'No way' under his breath, probably since I am about to ask one of the smaller wolves with not the biggest experience in vampires to come join me in a situation where being able to defend not only himself but me is the highest priority.

"Would you like to come join me and Paul in the car when I visit the hospital next time?"I ask genuinely, as Seth suprisingly stands up from his spot at the floor, walking over to where Paul and I sit before he sits down next to me.

"I would never have expected you to ask me, but yes, I'd love to." He smiles, pulling me into a hug.

-------

Yooo so apparently I DISAPPEARED for like 6 months. I'm so sorry, I had a personal crisis(like every year) and I also finished another semester of high school! Yay me!

Anyhow, hope whoever is reading this are having an amazing day and that your tomorrow is even better!

See you again when I have inspiration and I'm hopefully feeling less tired.

#embry call #paul lahote #quileute #sam uley #seth clearwater #twilight #jared cameron #leah clearwater #quil ateara #emily young #jacob black #paul lahote imagine #wolves #claire #paul lahote x reader #paul lahote×oc #wolfpack #love

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lightsorigins · 4 years ago

Text

Fluctuations

When he opened his eyes, Malden remained as straight as a board. He stared at the bedroom ceiling for a few seconds before turning his head to the window. The shutters were wide open. Yet he remembered that Kieran had closed them the night before. It didn't matter. He stood up slowly and felt the icy cold of the systemic dawn make him shiver. It was around nine o'clock, the sun was rising. Even slower than he was, he thought. Malden knew that it was not easy to be more phlegmatic than he was.

- Except you, Mr. Sun," he murmured, still leaning out the window.

He lost himself in his thoughts for a few minutes. Now that he'd had a good time with his friend, he'd have to think about going home and face his mother's wrath for allowing himself to leave the day before. What an idea to get up so early! He remembered very well that sleep had come late, and fatigue would quickly overcome him during the day. Malden turned and saw Kieran lying on his back, his blanket over part of his body diagonally. He was sleeping with his mouth open and snoring so loudly he could have woken a dragon. The sight made him chuckle.

Discreetly, he collected his things, put on his shoes, and left the apartment without waking anyone. He put on his headphones and played "How Long Can I Go" by "Sam Celentano". Once outside, several options came to mind. There was a park north of Lausya, where he often went to play sports. He also had a painting he had started and wanted to finish. However, the longer he stayed outside, the more problems he would have to deal with when he returned.

- It's up to me. I can go to the park and do push-ups. Take up my painting, knowing that I might run into mom. Maybe I can give Sylva a call and see if I can't come over early. I could have stayed at Kieran's, but now that I'm out, I'm not going to wake him up to come back... And seeing as he's asleep, he won't wake up, that's for sure, he concluded by putting his hand on his face.

Malden suddenly noticed that he had a few unread messages. Naturally, these were from his mother. The most important one was this:

"I don't appreciate your attitude lately. We'll have a discussion as soon as you get home. You know there are rules to follow in this house, and they apply to everyone, even you! »

The first response that came to mind was "You never liked my attitude, and you never understood me. "But he found it too tiring to get into a conflict with her. It was better not to escalate the situation. Akane, his mother, had been an adventurer during her youth. During certain periods, it happened that she went on adventures for a few weeks with her old group of friends. She is a Gial (Earth) atmologist, focused on the Veltôs (Control) path, and her atmology is an ochre red. At a very young age, Akane received a strict and hard education, and also underwent many hazing which forged her character for sure. She has never been an example of softness. This hard and uncompromising character made communication with Malden particularly complicated over the years.

It didn't matter in the end. Malden decided to get on his way and go home. He might as well face Mother Dragon as quickly as possible to put out the flames. Unfortunately, it didn't take much for his mood to be affected. These expressions from his mother reminded him how lonely he felt in his family, despite the good relationship he had with his sister Sawako, and his brother Hayate. He always ended up being seen as too intense, too whiny or touchy and moody. When he thought about it, however, Malden knew that factually he lacked nothing. He was a healthy, rather good-looking young man, good at a few subjects, athletic, with a group of sympathetic and understanding friends, a certain amount of freedom in his personal life, and so on. However, it seemed that something was missing.

It was as if there was a void somewhere. A fear of not living up to his own image, or of failing at what he could do. He was so special that he could be admired for the strangeness of his thoughts and artistic productions, but also stigmatized, and found "weird", or "unapproachable", to use terms he had heard about himself. Yet he longed to be accepted for who he was, without becoming like everyone else.

When he opened the door to the apartment, he expected to find his mother getting ready for work. Instead, he found Sawako sitting in the kitchen. She was having breakfast: a glass of hot delicatessen milk with a little pethmergale sugar. The whole thing made the milk look dark and creamy. She was reading a manga while smoking a cigarette.

- Hi! he said. I didn't think you'd be here at this hour. I thought I'd find Mom instead.

- Nah, she left pretty early this morning to buy some stuff. I don't think she's gonna be back for a while. Where did you go anyway? Kieran's?

- Yeah. We wanted to watch "Alvist Wars" quietly, but Isaac had come into my room yesterday to snoop on something. I yelled at her, she got involved and... well, you know mom.

- Yeah, I know what you mean. Well, she wasn't too happy about it. In fact, she was angry that you broke like that. I understand, but you could have avoided it, or told me about it. I would have tempered the situation a bit, you know how I usually do.

- I know, but Kieran kind of rushed me, I didn't have much time to make my decision. I've done this plenty of times before, but it seems like yesterday was worse than usual. Why is that?

- Didn't Mom tell you what we have to do tonight?

- No?

- Okay, too weird. Well, actually we're supposed to go to Welliyo with Dad, Mom and Helen to see Melva. Maybe there's some news about her memory, but nothing transcendent you know.

Malden hiccupped in surprise and recoiled slightly. He felt stupid, but also excluded for not having been kept in the loop.

- Is she serious? Why didn't she tell me?

- I think she was going to propose to you yesterday.

- Suggesting me the day before for the day after? What if I had something to do? Yes, I would have canceled. I would cancel anything to go see Melva, but still.

- Anyway, chances are that's why she's so upset about your escapade yesterday. You should just apologize and tell her you'll be there tonight, if you want to be safe. I'll cover for you, but do what I say. I mean, I'll figure out how to fix it, I'll improvise.

- And you think you can get Isaac to stop making my life miserable?

- Don't worry, I'll work it out by ruining his. There are a few things he and I need to discuss. He's still asleep, but I'm setting him up for a real wake-up call.

- You're handling it, thanks. I have to go see Sylvania this afternoon. Do you think you can handle that too?

- Consider it done," Sawako replied, winking at him.

Malden knew he could always count on her in many circumstances. At 27 years old, she was the oldest of her siblings, and therefore the one with the authority right after her parents. And fortunately, Sawako had a lot in common with Malden. Both of them were very sensitive and attached to their deepest values, but Sawako tended to be more withdrawn and passive than her brother. She was a specialist in the art of running away and saying nothing, letting go, sleeping and lazing around. Beyond her studies in water atmology, she loved to write poetry, fiction, and play video games with horror, romance, and role-playing themes. At least that's what her mother told her. Malden, on the other hand, was much more active and enjoyed going out, shopping and discovering more about the world around him. With his pocket money, he bought a lot of things like incense, posters and an infinite amount of clothes that he could wear according to his moods. Besides,

since he would have to go back to Sylvania in the afternoon, he started looking for different clothes to change into after his shower. Leaving his hair down, Malden put a diamond-shaped earring in his left ear, as well as a golden pendant with a small sphere. He put on a gray sweater with "N.O.T.H.I.N.G." in bright green letters. Further down, in small print, it read "Nobody On This Healthiest Irrelevant Narrow-minded Globality. ». Malden liked to wear this sweater when he wasn't sure how he felt. He often hoped that those closest to him would be able to decode this information and understand how he was feeling by carefully observing how he dressed. But it never worked.He went to his room to finish getting ready. After putting on his black shorts and sneakers, the same green as his sweater's typography, he heard his mother coming back to the apartment. Sawako immediately struck up a conversation with her. Malden reached out to listen.

- Malden is back to the point.

- Is he in his room?

- Yeah, but I think it's best to leave it alone for a bit today.

- Oh no! Have you seen how he's acting right now? I have to talk to him, this is too much. And he doesn't answer the messages I leave! That's not an attitude!

- I know, I know mom. But he's a teenager, so you have to imagine that he's going to do a few more silly things like that.

- Sawako, do you defend your brother when he takes the wrong path? Do you think you're helping him to act that way?

Akane spoke loudly and raised her voice with every sentence. She was panting, exhausted from bringing all the groceries alone from the store. Despite her intensive training as a fighter, she was much less active since she had built her family life, and was therefore much more quickly tired for actions that, in her youth, were just a walk in the park for her.

- Plus no one helped me with the groceries today! I have to do everything alone in this house, it's not possible! Call your father for me, so he can come and help me clean up instead of sleeping again!

- Mom, I'm not defending Malden, but I think you're overreacting a bit. He just went to Kieran's. He wanted to watch "Alvist Wars" and he came home early. He's doing well in school and he doesn't have bad company. Don't you think you should leave him alone for a while and deal with Suzanne and Hayate, who are always provoking him?

- Yes, yes it's good. Okay, I'll leave it. Let him do. Call your father now. Is Malden coming tonight so we can go visit Melva, yes or no?

- It will be there.

Malden smiled broadly and clenched his fist in victory. What could he do without Sawako? He felt himself growing wings. The weekend would probably be much more enjoyable than he had imagined. Grabbing his cell phone, he decided to send a message to Sylvania.

"Hi Sylva 😊! Do you think we could eat together this lunch? Like, at a snack bar not too far from your place, and then we spend the afternoon together like we said? »

Every time he took the time to send her a message, Malden's hands were shaking and sweaty. Would he choose the right words? Was he being pushy? Or too weird? Did she realize how he felt about her? And even worse: did he really feel something for her? And this something, was it love? It was so complex for him to understand, so difficult to be totally sure, considering the particular situation. Didn't she just remind him of his sister, who is now in the hospital and he misses her so much? Malden didn't know. He always came to the conclusion that it was probably best to let it go and see where it would take him.

His phone vibrated. It was her. She had just answered! He hurried to open the message.

"Hi Malden! That's a really cool proposal. Where do you want to eat? And what do you want to eat? Something usual and not too far away, just to do it quietly? »

"Noon, at the pizza place across the street from you? »

"Perfect! See you later! »

Since everything was already planned, all he had to do was spend the time he had left doing something he liked. So he threw himself into the painting he had started a few days ago. Malden was fond of searching for photographs of various places in the Mysticiën, and recently his attention had been drawn to pictures of the Omaltäb Forests in Almarosa territory to the south. He was busy redrawing the trees with pink, dark blue, green or even black foliage that could be found there. The simple fact of smelling the paint in the room made him feel a certain fullness that nothing else could give him. After taking care to lock the door of his room so as not to be disturbed, he painted for a long time and moved forward on his canvas. If for some reason he couldn't become an alvist or a martial artist, Malden knew he would become a painter and would do everything he could to fulfill that dream. And even if he did become an alvist and a martial artist, he would be a painter too! With his savings, he vowed to buy a high performance camera and take photographs from original angles and then redesign and paint unusual places in the country, giving them a special interpretation with special color schemes. This was how he would communicate to the world the way he perceived and felt the universe. This idea excited him.

Shortly before the appointment time, Malden rushed to the front door to get going. When he opened it, he passed the kitchen, where he saw his parents preparing dinner. While he was already on the landing, he heard his mother's authoritative voice.

- Be back by five o'clock, we'll go see Melva. We won't wait for you forever.

- Uh, yes, Mom. See you tonight!

- That's it," she said dismissively.

The sun was shining on Lausya, accompanied by a rather strong wind. A gust of wind blew straight towards Malden, removing his hood and messing up his hair. He who wanted to be elegant for Sylvania, it was from now on lost pain. He sighed discreetly while putting back his hood. That was not going to dry his good mood found. He was now listening to "Apricot" by "Sam Celentano". Malden could already imagine himself with Sylvania teaching him some scales and making him listen to her melodies. Her calmness, her kindness and her rigor were for him like nectar and ambrosia. He admired her terribly, and these sentimental questions about her were very recent. But he had known her for a few years already.

After a few minutes, Malden reached the main square where Sylvania and her mother lived. There was a fountain in the center, and some stone slabs decorated with flowers tended by the city's gardeners. A few people were there, including groups of children who had come to buy pancakes or ice cream, despite the cold season. Sitting under a white umbrella at one of the many tables of the local pizzeria, Sylvania was waiting patiently, her phone in hand. She had let her long red hair down, was wearing a white dress with blue polka dots and a small silver necklace and a pair of simple earrings of the same complexion. When she saw Malden, she waved at him.

- Hi! How are you? I'm so hungry! I've already reserved a table for the two of us, so what should we order? Asked she, cheerful.

- I'll probably have a salad with a slice of pizza. I'm not very hungry, but it'll do for me!

- Are you sure you'll have enough energy to listen to my news and convince me to join your group if you don't eat enough? She joked.

- Don't worry about it. I want you to join us enough, I don't need a pizza to help me!

After they had actually placed their order, the two young people ate together and talked about the rain and the weather. Malden admired the way Sylvania spoke about her extracurricular activities, but also her involvement in various social struggles. She was already very active on Signold - a well-known social network on Elzetarân - and shared many videos about animal causes and ecology. Sylvania already seemed to be a big shot and followed very closely the actions of the Renovators' Guild. It was a group of atmologists and adventurers of all kinds, formed several decades ago. They were in charge of monitoring the development of the ecosystems and biomes of Elzetari after certain confrontations, whose damage could have seriously damaged various places and destroyed the fauna, as well as the flora.

Time passed without them noticing. Soon enough, they finished their meal and went to Sylvania. Coming from a well-to-do family, they lived in a large residence where the richest inhabitants of Lausanne were to be found. The mayor, Oscar Fanghël, lived nearby with his wife and son. Malden was always impressed when he set foot in Sylvania's house: everything was always so clean! The living room seemed huge and everything he saw seemed to be priceless. The marble walls of a very light and sober

grey were decorated with paintings showing fantastic scenes. One could see atmological warriors fighting carniocs and wild creatures in the skies, unleashing various elemental forces.

- Every time you come over, you can't help but leave your eyes glued to the picture in the living room. You know I'm going to end up asking my mom if I can give it to you, right?

Malden flinched and blushed. He had never realized how much these paintings could absorb him. The idea that he might be seen to be lusting after them embarrassed him.

- Oh no, not at all! It's just... I really wish I had a talent like that. You know, I see how well the color scheme is mastered, it drives me crazy! There is the light, so well reflected, and the contrast between the atmos used by the fighters on the painting, the expression of pain on the creatures, and even the effects of the wind that blows even though we don't see it. It's beautiful. Every time I see it, I feel like it's the first one.

- I think it was Cleora Stolteïska who made this painting. I would have to see it again with my mother. And it seems to me that she is still alive. Maybe one day, if you meet her, you can ask her how she did it?

Malden's eyes seemed to light up. He began to do some research on his cell phone and found more of the painter's work.

- Wow, she's so good... If I met her, I wouldn't even know how to ask her questions. Well, anyway, I'll deal with that when I get home. For now, I have someone else talented to admire on her compositions, right?

- Don't overdo it! I'm just getting by on my mom's classes when it comes to reproducing classics. For my creations, it remains to be seen... I'm not very comfortable with the idea of doing new things, that go out of the box, I'm afraid it won't be very pleasant to the ear, also because...

- Hey, Sylva! he interrupted her. It's not serious, you have to try in life. Let me listen!

- But if you think it's ugly, you probably won't want me in your group.

- Does this mean that you want to join our group so badly that I don't actually need to convince you?

She hiccupped with surprise and put her hands in front of her mouth. Sylvania had tricked herself. She was more interested in the idea of being part of this music group that was forming than anything else, but she didn't want it to be so obvious. She would still be seen as the girl with no friends, who craved acceptance from others.

- It's true," she sighed. Well, enough wasted time. Sit down on the couch. I'll play you this little piece. I was inspired by "rocking horse" by "Etolica. ».

Without adding a word, Malden settled comfortably on the black velvet sofa. Sylvania took her turn on the small purple seat where she sat to play the piano. She had her back to him, slowly positioning her fingers on the keys. The girl took a deep breath before starting to play the first notes of her composition. The start was awkward but soon she gained confidence and began to play with more assurance. The notes flowed together with a certain smoothness.

To Malden, it was as if a beautiful story was being told. He was so impressed by her dexterity that he wanted to get closer to her to better admire her performance. However, for fear of distracting her, he preferred to stay behind and come without making any noise. She was in front of the large window, giving on a great part of the city. He admired the view as he listened to the soft melody played by his friend, while he imagined how these notes would blend with Teano's expertise on the guitar, Kieran's voice and his drumming.

The listening went on for almost three minutes, during which time Malden was totally transported. He found himself re-admiring the painting by Cleora Stolteïska that hung on the living room wall. This creation and Sylvania's composition went so well together that he imagined one day he would be a painter of masterpieces and she a professional pianist, creating melodies around his world-renowned paintings. An exciting future, from which he exited as soon as Sylvania gave the last note of her essay. A few seconds were necessary for her to come back to reality. She took again a big inspiration, then she got up and turned slowly towards her friend. The window was left open, and a cold breeze crossed the room and shook her long dress as well as her hair. An image that stuck in Malden's mind and he swore to himself that he would paint this scene.

- There, now you know my little music. I know it's probably too soft for what you're doing, but it's the best I have in stock right now.

- Sylvania, it's really beautiful. It's probably silly and simple as an opinion, but I don't know what else to add... Then, I don't play the piano, so I imagine that there are things to be revised, it's possible. But anyway, I really liked it. You know Kieran, he likes it when it moves a little bit more, but then Teano will be over the moon, you can believe me!

- Do you think so? She asked hesitantly, as she nervously played with her fingers.

- I don't think so: I know so! Will you show me some other things? Songs you learned with your mother for example, maybe we could rework some of them and see how to create other songs together from that!

- It's a good idea. So, let's see...

All afternoon long, Sylvania and Malden discussed and studied in detail different compositions, some of which they took care to select to present to Malden and Teano. Gradually, more than his ambiguous attraction to Sylvania, it was his passion for art and music that took over. He was very curious and concentrated in these tasks, as she was too.

Since the time for him to be reunited with his family was fast approaching, Malden prepared to leave to avoid being late. But just before he left, Sylvania received a phone call that seemed to puzzle her.

- An unexpected call? he asked.

- Well... It's Annabelle. You know, the girl in Sara's class.

He looked at her with a puzzled look.

- Maybe it's her mother calling? I think she works with yours, right?

- Not anymore. They kept in touch but... Well, wait. "Hello?" She says.

"Yes, Sylvania? It's Annabelle. Sorry, we haven't talked in a while, but I've been trying to reach Sara and even her brother but no one answers! »

"No worries Anna. But do you need anything? »

"This will probably sound weird to you, but my grandfather came back from a long trip a few days ago. And you'll never guess: he brought back with him a Phelidus Tenebris! »

As Sylvania turned on the speaker phone, Malden also heard the news. He struggled to keep his astonishment from being heard. The Pelidus, whatever their nature, were extremely powerful creatures and known to be dangerous.

"A Phelidus? " Sylvania repeated, worried. "It's still very dangerous! Do the authorities know that this creature is here, in Lausya? What do you want us to do for you? »

"She's dying and has little ones... six to be exact. That's a bit long, and I don't have much time. Listen, I wish you could come to my house together as soon as possible, you and Sara and the others. Grandpa will be there, he'll be able to explain. »

"I... well, okay Annabelle. I hope it's nothing serious anyway. I'll see what I can do to keep them updated and get back to you! »

"Thank you Sylva! »

She hung up her phone and looked at Malden, stunned.

- A Pelidus with babies... How often do you hear such stories?

- Even the participants of "War of the Alvists" don't have Pelidus! Malden added. The thing I remember is that his grandfather must be really good. Renyu says you can only find them at Failghost Manor. And do you know what they say about that manor?

- Yeah, that it's haunted or something... We'll talk about it again, I should let you go before your mom gives you a hard time for being late. It's already a miracle my mom wasn't there today and we got to see each other, might as well not ruin the end of the day!

- You're right, I'm leaving. I forgot one thing! I think you're meeting Teano later on, right?

- Yes, and he has to spend the night at Renyu's house right after.

- You can tell him that I did some research the other day, and I found a luthier that might be of interest to him, since he wanted to try his hand at the electric guitar.

With that, Malden and Sylvania parted ways. He walked through the spacious corridors of the building before finding himself outside, taken by the temperature which seemed to have dropped a few degrees compared to the early afternoon. Happy with this exciting afternoon, he then thought about what he would learn when he arrived at the hospital with his family. If Melva remembered him, at least for a few seconds during the visit, nothing could make him happier. But Malden refused to deny it. With his headphones in, he shuffled along, his imagination conjuring up the worst scenarios about his sister's shattered memory. His mood wavered again.

When he arrived home, his parents were getting ready to leave. Sawako was already ready, a long dark blue leather coat on her back and her black hair done up in a neat bun. Aware of her brother's difficulty in dealing with this situation, she simply patted him on the shoulder and gave him a hug.

- Don't worry Maldou, she'll remember us one day. The more we go to see her, the more it will help her.

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pbandjesse · 5 years ago

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It is my dad's birthday and my parents wedding anniversary and it's a full moon and it's Friday the 13th and it's the anniversary of Scooby-Doo. There's so much good and powerful energy today. Specifically I want to say happy birthday to my dad though because I love him so much and he's gone through so much in the last couple years but he is always attacked the day with kindness just like I tell everyone else to do. I hope you have a very good birthday and I love you and thank you for being my dad.

But on my end for the most part today was not my day. I just felt really sad. Frustrated. I just wanted to come home. And it wasn't even like a real reason just everything was wrong.

I woke up this morning and I felt fine. James had to leave early because he had to go to the dentist. But he made me a sandwich before he left because he's the best. And then I got ready and left it at the bus. But even though the ride was nice I was really early. Which is normally fine but I got to the building and it was locked and the lights were off. And my anxiety just absolutely peaked.

I was convinced that I wasn't supposed to be there and that we weren't supposed to come in or they were a different site and I was so upset and distressed and convinced I did something wrong. I stood outside for about 10 minutes and finally Sarah and the other Jessie came But anxiety was still pretty bad for most of the day because of that.

We spent the first hour just kind of brainstorming by ourselves. Coming up with ideas and figuring stuff out for our lesson plans. I had a lot of ideas already written down so I just did a bunch of research and started flushing things out a little bit more concretely.

For the most part it was a good guy. But then I realized I accidentally sent all of me and James's new gardening stuff to the old apartment and I was so bummed. I just felt so stupid and I just kind of sank into myself because I was so upset. James is an amazing boyfriend though and when I told him how upset I was he took the extra time between the dentist and having to go to work to go to the old apartment and get everything to bring back so I wouldn't be sad. He's so good.

But then my new phone was attempted to be delivered to the apartment and because it needed a signature they didn't leave it. I'm glad they didn't leave it but I thought they would take it to a pickup point. But they didn't. They're just going to wait till Monday and try again and I was so bummed out. I really wanted that to come today and when it didn't I was just like super sad. And I kind of just put a damper on the rest of the day for me. I was able to figure out how to make all of my UPS packages go to the pickup point from now on and so my phone will go there on Monday so I won't have to worry about not being here. But it's still a huge bummer and I feel very dumb. Thankfully it's not like my phone is broken. I was just excited about a new thing. I wanted to get it set up tomorrow while I was at the BMI since it will probably be slow. It's all right. I'll be fine.

We had a good afternoon at work though. We went through and talked about all of the artists that we were considering for research for testing our kids. And we went through a lot of really awesome artists and it was funny that me and fitsum or actually thinking about two artists that were very off the beaten path so that was cool. And I'm really pleased with the final list that we came up with. I am sad that one of the other side of Hope for got knocked off the list that doesn't mean I'm not going to teach you about her just that she's not going to be on the test. And I got my way on the layout of the semester's so that was cool.

We finished up a little bit early and I went to grab the bus but then miss Helene drove past me and stopped and she ended up giving me a ride to Dick Blick. I knew I wouldn't see James until much later because after he's done work he's going to go to his parents house to get the car and then he's going to go to the grocery store to get ready for our cookout tomorrow.

So I went in and I gave him a hug. His other manager made a joke that a customer wanted to see him very specifically. Made me laugh. And then I walked back here.

On my walk I ran into a co-worker from the BMI and that was cool. I posted in the group today about the job openings at access art and apparently everyone was talking about how great I am over there today and have felt really good. It's not the first time someone's told me that they talk about me over there and how they say a lot of positive things so that feels really cool I'm loved. I don't always feel that way. So it's nice to be reminded.

I had to make a stop at the hardware store to look for something for James but they didn't have it so I came back here. I did a whole bunch today actually. When I got back here I kind of snack and then I started working on some drawings. Our gardening stuff was here because of James so I made little tags for the all the herbs were going to put in there and the tomatoes. And then I set up the garden itself. I probably could have bought more rocks but I still think it'll be okay and I'm going to put all of the herbs in small Planters to start with anyway. And it was pretty excellent. It was fun playing in the dirt. I also dyed my hair so that I would look all nice tomorrow. And I worked on one of my Furby tarot cards. I'm actually going to go make something to eat and then do another one. My Hope Is that in the next week we'll get everything photograph so I want to have at least a couple cards finished. Start selling them as a small set.

James should be finishing work now and then he'll go start shopping for stuff. And I'm just going to hang out here. Hopefully he'll be home soon though because I miss him. I hope you guys all have a great night. Tomorrow I have work at the BMI and then we have our little get-together. I hope people come. Seems like it might be kind of small but I don't mind that. It'll be fun to show off our new place to everyone.

Be safe out there guys. Take care of each other. Good night.

#ootd #weird dog #cat #drawing #in progress #furby #tarot #friday work #frustraited

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pbandjesse · 5 years ago

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It's the last night that I'm sleeping alone in this apartment. For taking my bed apart tomorrow and most of my stuff is over there. I have one outfit to wear tomorrow and I have the outfit I wore today and that's the only clothes that are here. Today was a really good moving today but I still feel very stressed just because I have a lot of stuff. Everything will work out but I just will feel better when we're in the new apartment in the fall. I'm going to enjoy the summer but still.

I slept okay last night. James woke up a little bit before me and woke me up at 7:30 like I asked. I was a very blurry I had for a while. But I got dressed and we left for yoga.

We made a pit stop at my apartment so that we could get the yoga mats, water bottle, and feed sweetp. And then we went over to the park. Lot more people were over there today. But it was a lot of fun. Despite the dog shit that people don't understand that they need to clean up.

Thankfully they were still enough spots for everyone regardless of how gross people can be. I had a really good class and I felt pretty good afterwards. I almost fell over a couple times and the teacher caught me which was funny but I'm really enjoying going to classes there.

After yoga me and James walked to Eddie's and picked up a couple groceries. We got back to the studio and he made us hash browns and I scrambled an egg and then he made us blueberry pancakes. They were very excellent pancakes. I got changed and then we chilled for a while. And then right before noon we went to get the bus.

It took a while but it was a nice day and we were able to sit on a bench and so that was fine. We got the bus and we went down to his parents house. We got my water bottle that we forgot there yesterday and then. The car and we're on our way.

We went to Canton to go to Target. First though we stopped at Five Below. Got new yoga mats. So James will not have to be on a towel anymore. And then to target where we spend too much money but we got some really good deals and I feel very pleased.

After we pack up the car we drove across the street and went to Five Guys for lunch. It was nice being together and we felt good and we had good direction for what we are going to be doing today. So after we ate we went back to my apartment to grab the last couple things that are coming over to the studio. Today would be primarily moving things to the garage.

Made the first trip got a bunch of stuff. Ran over to the studio. Actually got a parking spot. And then we took a 15 minute break after I put all the stuff away. Or almost all the stuff away. And then we went back to my place to get as much stuff as we could to go to his parents.

It was mostly trunks. Couple other things. There's still stuff that we don't have to bring over there. The pieces from the bed. A couple pieces of furniture. I mirror. Maybe my fans and my rugs. But we're basically done the bulk of it. It still feels like there's so much stuff in here but there really isn't. Echoes in here right now. I took down the curtains in the doorways and everything just feels very empty.

But we made really good progress. Once we unpacked the car into the garage we went to park and then James realize he left the garage door open. So he had to go back. But I went and sat on the porch with his mom. She told me about their 30th Anniversary that they're going to celebrate tomorrow. And we talked for a while. James came back up and we ate some cherries and grapes and then we went to go get the bus.

We talked while we walked in and I was able to tell James something I had been bothering me about the move that I hadn't been able to put into words. And he apologized for a comment that he had made that upset me. And then I guess we're going down the street we see that the bus is there. Thankfully it's the last stop on the line so it does sit for a few minutes but we were very worried we were going to miss it. And I said that I was calling a Lyft if we did miss that one because it was going to be like two hours until the next one because it's the weekend. But I let James walk at his normal speed. And I have jogged next to him. And we were able to make the bus. And we got back to the studio pretty quickly.

It was around 5:30 bye that point and I felt a bit overheated and beat up. But I wanted to get the couple bags away that we didn't do it yet. So I did that and then I finished sewing my quilt square thing. I know I wanted to lay down.

So we laid in bed. And I fell asleep. I woke up around 7:30 and James made me a pizza bagel. We hung out until a little before 9 and then he walked me home.

I was still filled with nervous energy. So I cleaned. The upstairs bathroom I took all of the stuff out of it and cleaned and vacuumed and mopped. It still needs some work but it looks really good. I am a little frustrated that today we noticed that the medicine cabinet is just falling off the wall. But dad's coming tomorrow and he's going to fix everything that needs to be fixed. Then I went to go bring some stuff up from the basement and I noticed that the fucking wall is it getting mold on it again. In the same spots. I just can't believe that this is happening. I sent maintenance an email and I just said I'm leaving. And you guys are showing this apartment and it's going to be shown with mold in it and you should be disgusted and that the underlying issue is not being fixed. I'm so glad I'm going to be moving.

I took a shower and now I'm just laying in bed with sweet pea. I'm not sure if he's moving tomorrow as well. I don't want to leave him in an empty apartment. But the studio is pretty small. Maybe we'll try it and see either way. Tomorrow dad is coming to visit. I'm very much looking forward to it. I kind of have a general plan for what we're going to do but I know for sure that we are spackling. Maybe we'll also go in spackle at James because I would like him to see where were living anyway but I'm really looking forward to the day. I hope you guys I'll sleep well tonight. Be safe out there. Take care of each other. Drive carefully!

#ootd #babe #selfie #furby #boy #moving #saturday

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pbandjesse · 6 years ago

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Im real tired and my eye has been swollen all day. Its probably allergies but its got me a bit down. Today was a pretty good day regardless.

It was really nice walong up with James this morning. But with my eye bothering me I really didnt want to get out of bed. I did though and went to get ready while James fed sweetpea and packed up his own stuff. Today would be pretty frustrating with him not having a phone. But we would make it work.

We back together about halfway and then he went on his own to steal side and I went to Constellation.

Sean was already there when I got in so he just let me in the building. We had a fairly easy time opening up but no luck on James's phone. I called it a couple more times but now it was going straight to voicemail so it was probably dead. We're both pretty sure I got stolen at this point. But at least we can now move forward and figure something else out.

Dr. Brad, our Civil War Doctor reenactor, brought cakes from Christmas to share with us all. So I had way too much cake today. The sugar helped. I didn't get as much accomplished today with my lesson plans as I would have liked. Sean had me out on the deck basically all day. Which annoyed me because I told him I would like to work on my lesson plans but whatever. I feel like he always puts me on the deck all day.

I did get to start reading the book just got me about American hauntings. And it's really good so far. It's not a scary story book it's a book about why Ghost Story start. I'm looking forward to reading it more.

Maya was our lunch relief today and it was really nice talking to her. It always is. The firing went off really well even if it was a bit early because she'll never does a long talk about the history. But that's all right.

I had a nice lunch over at Johnny Rockets. I got a little annoyed with my waiter because he kept asking if I wanted stuff on my grilled cheese and I just kept telling him I wanted it playing and you just kept asking me. And I was just very tired and it made me upset but then the food came and it was all fine. He was a nice guy.

I gave a tour at 1. Maya apparently had never seen a full tour. Which is crazy because she's been there for months. Or at least it feels like she's been there for months. Regardless though she came on my tour and it was a really really good one. I had a really good crowd. We lost most of them by the end I started with maybe 20 and ended with nine but everyone was really enthusiastic and I was really hitting my points and just had a really good time storytelling. The full tour was about 45 minutes and I'm very proud of myself for how well I did.

My throat hurt pretty bad after that though so Shan left me downstairs for about an hour. I really would have liked more time but I also wanted to do the gun drill at 3 so it's just the way it worked out. I couldn't focus on my lesson plan too much. I did try and I got most of it done. I just have to finish the demos on number 11. I still would like to finish number 12 before we go back on Wednesday.

But what I did work on was figuring out change this phone situation. I had told him to try to call Verizon and put his account on hold just in case someone did have the phone. But every time he tried to call from the chief phone because it's not a Verizon phone the number hung up on him. He could not get through and he was getting more and more upset. I finally even though I was at the desk and we were very busy today I called. The guy on the phone was nice enough to let me keep putting the phone down and not get upset. And I was able to give them the number of the phone James on and they called him. So everything was fine but he was not able to get a replacement he does not have insurance.

So James told me to go to the Verizon store after work today and get him the cheapest most basic Android phone I could. And I was going to do that but then I remembered that you can get unlocked phones on Amazon. And then even better doing a little bit of research you can get just straight used Verizon phones on Amazon. So I ended up finding my phone, an LG G5, for $90. Which is how much I spend one I had to replace my phone with my insurance. So you know this phone is going to have some wear and tear because it's used he's going to have the same phone as me and he pays the same price that I did. I also got him a case. Honestly as you're probably get him a neck strap so that he can't lose it again. But it'll be here on Thursday and he just has to make it through this week without the phone and everything's going to be okay. I don't know what he has to do to activate it but I did make sure that it is a Verizon phone and he should just have to get a new SIM card. So hopefully in the end all of this will be fine and they will be cool about it. We'll see what happens.

I gave my gun drill at 3. Maya watch that one as well and I had like 40 people watched the whole thing. I didn't have as many hands on participants this time. I only got two adults and two kids so that made the Hands-On part very hard but I got everyone to laugh a few times in history was fun and it was a pretty good talk. I had a guy ask me a question trying to stump me later but I gave him the best answer I could even though I didn't actually know. I just told him like with my understanding. But I still felt really good and confident and strong and very smart. Which is why I love that program.

We finished up the day pretty strong. I did get to work on my lesson plans a little bit but we were very busy at the desk so I didn't have as much Focus as I would have liked.

But it was a nice way to end the year. I mean I'll be on Constellation tomorrow night for the actual end-of-the-year but for a full day shift it was a good day.

We finished up and Sean let me leave at 5. Which was good because I was really losing steam. I have been kind of holding it together a lot because James was upset but all it was kind of hitting me at once. I picked up to the grocery store, realized it was closed, and went over to Rite Aid instead. I had stopped at my apartment to grab grocery bag and I bought a whole lot of drinks and stuff to make the pasta salad that I got for Christmas.

There's a crazy line at the store so I kind of just walked around for a while and then I paid and I went home. When I got back here I started working on my pasta salad and then I went and got all of my clothes that are not hanging up in my and put them on the ground. While my water was boiling I started sorting all of the clothing and shoe I get rid of it I keep file. Then when the pasta was cooking I went through and I separate all the sweaters out and all of the other clothes. Then once the pasta was done and I folded all of the keep clothes and put them away. Most of it summer stuff. I also put all the sweaters back in the trunk at the bottom of my bad. But it closes a lot better now so that's nice. I'm really trying to only keep clothing that really makes me happy.

I took a shower and listen to music. And now I'm playing in bed petting sweet pea and I'm looking forward to my pretend day off tomorrow. The last day of the year and me and James are supposed to spend it together. And at 7 we are working the constellation deck party. I'm looking forward to it even though it's going to be an exhausting night. I still hope that's and be fun. It's my first New Year's not in New York in years so it's going to be a little strange. But in a good way.

I hope you all sleep well tonight. Pray that the rain holds off. Or it finishes up before I have to go to work. New Year's won't be as fun if we are all wet.

#ootd #work #sky #good day!#sunday

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pbandjesse · 6 years ago

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Today was weird. I didnt sleep great and when James's alarm went off I was like dizzy I was so tired. James left me in in bed and went to get ready. I fell back asleep. And he went to work.

I slept until like 930. I didnt feel a lot better but I knew I had to get up and go to my meeting with Brian. I was not looking forward to it though. I don't like confrontation and I didn't really know how this was going to go.

I left here around 10:15 and like downtown. James was at Taney so that he could be there before and after the meeting just in case. So that was really nice of him. He left his sunglasses somewhere and his charger here at my place so I brought him those things and then went over to talk to Brian.

It was a productive meeting. Basically I got in there and he told me that when he got the email he was really bummed out for the rest of the day. And I feel bad that I bumped him out but I also really needed to say all of those things. All of it this how I was feeling and I didn't want to let it stew like so many other people seem to do when they have a problem here. I still really like my job and I really like the people I work with but I can't let something like this just fester and feel like no one ever heard me. A lot of things were cleared up. It turns out it wasn't just photographs of me the stack was pretty big. And the board member that apparently took the pictures actually belongs to ships company. The people that are reenactors that come once a month. And when he brought it up Chris and a whole bunch of other people on the board shut them down immediately. They said that it was inappropriate and that that wasn't the way to go about dealing with uniform issues. I did feel like that could have been said to me earlier when everything went down last week. But I'm glad to know that management at least seems to be standing out for us. Apparently Chris also want to Brian after I confronted him on Saturday and was very upset that I was upset. Brian says that pretty much everyone in management and above knows about me and how hard I work. And that felt nice that I am being acknowledged inside the company even if I don't know about it. It's just the way that the museum is structured makes it hard for people above us to really get to know everyone on Frontline staff. I think it's something that should be addressed and Get to know us and work with us but I understand that there's a lot that goes on behind the scenes that we don't know about. But like I told Brian and I wrote in my chapter for the book that I'm working on I think that the Frontline staff should be given some more information about what's going on behind the scenes. It only makes our job better when we know what's going on.

We ended up talking for an hour. And it was decided that I'm going to just move to the weekends. I'll do overnights and Fridays. Brian very much made it clear that he doesn't want to lose me. That he wishes more people had my attitude. And he was upset that I was upset but he wanted to try to make it better. He also really took it to heart my comments about working hard on the tasks but not being able to be fully qualified because we just aren't running the programs. I'm so I am now officially a museum educator and my pay has been bumped up to go with that. He also told me that as a company they are looking into the pay and general because we're not competitive to other museums anymore. And all of that is definitely going to help. We'll just have to see what happens but I do feel like I was listened to and that helps. I really would like to help make the museums culture better. And I think just my positivity will help that. And I think it has already especially with the new people coming in. We just have to see what happens now. I'm still hoping to get that other job but knowing that even if I just want a couple hours in the morning that is something that they can do. I didn't exactly know that they would be accommodating. So it's cool to know that They are willing to work with me.

I was going to be a couple minutes late to my shift but it was fine. I biked over to Constellation after I said goodbye to James. Sean had called me and texted me a whole bunch of times worrying about where I was. But it was fine. I was at the desk to start and I finished editing my chapter for the book. I'm pretty much completely done. It's about five pages single-spaced. And the woman whose compiling the whole thing seems to really like it. She's just going to change some of the formatting but we both agree that like where it went is really good. So I'm excited about that. And I got a copy of the book and I'm going to pay it so that's always nice.

Eventually Stephanie came down and took the desk for me. I went upstairs. It was such a beautiful day up on Deck. There's wind and it wasn't a lot of customers but the few people I did talk to it which is so nice. These three brothers, old old men, had all these questions and I think they were just asking each other but then I started answering them and they like lit up. They came over and they were asking all the stuff. And they were like we're so glad that you're not just a ticket taker. It was a very funny. So when I was outside they talk to me a little bit more and they were just really really nice.

Brian came back over to Constellation because he ask during our meeting if I wanted to finish up the other tests ASAP. And the one that's been the problem has really been commence firing. The one where we actually fire the cannon. And that's really been a problem because the last two weeks every day I've been there it's rain. And you can't practice in the rain. But it wasn't raining so he came over and I learned how to pack a charge. Put the gunpowder in the tinfoil and hit with a hammer. And then he had me pull up firing pin for the first time. I actually almost fell over doing it because I pulled a little too hard and hit myself in the arm with the little metal hook that holds the primer into place. But I did it in one pull. And it was loud! I was surprised. I guess I never really considered that the actual primer is loud as well and not just the gunpowder part. The Mercury and gunpowder that's coming out of the copper tube is also causing an explosion it's just tiny. But I did it and now I get to keep practicing and I'm going to get to fire the cannon. That's crazy.

Around 3 one of the ships that are coming for Fleet Week finally crested into the harbor. I think it's called the godspeed. It's a recreation of the Jamestown ship that brought over the first people to Jamestown. And it was so tiny. But they sailed here from Jamestown and that's really cool. It was really neat seeing it, and that's the first time I've seen one of the ships actually come in the harbor and not just already be there when I get there. But then it was time for me to leave. I went and got changed and across the street. I had a pretzel and a soda and I went home.

I stopped at the grocery store for milk and eggs. And then I came back here. I was pretty tired but I had wanted to clean and stuff. I didn't know if I could make that happen. I have a snack and then I went and got in bed and I slept until almost 7. I was pretty Delirious what I got up. I had to clean I had to make art. So I did vacuum at least the bathroom and the kitchen. I need to do the rest of the apartment or so much cat hair in here. But at least I did that. I went and worked in my studio for a while. I'm really really pleased with myself for these little details I'm doing in the diorama this week. Plant ones are always really hard for me so I hope this one looks good and all the work that I put into these little shelves it's not for nothing.

And now I'm just hanging out my living room. I think I'm going to go take a shower and watch maybe a movie. I'm hoping to wake up a little bit early tomorrow. Try to get some stuff done before work. But we'll see I'm not that concerned about it. Tomorrow's the first day of Fleet Week. I hope it's fun. We do have a couple ships that pulled out so we'll see what happens. I think it'll still be pretty good.

Good night everyone. Sleep well

#ootd #boat #ship #work #cannon #tuesday

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pbandjesse · 6 years ago

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I am very tired. Both because it was a busy day and because my allergies are making it so i cant breathe very well.

Today was pretty nice though! Sleeping over with James was nice but I had a lot of trouble breathing. I woke up a few times because of it. So getting up was hard. James let me sleep a little longer while he made us pancakes. He also made a syrup and it was very good and he is such a good boyfriend. We got ready and dressed and left a little after 10.

We went to my apartment. He rinsed his coffee cup and went to work. And I spent an hour and a half chilling and recharging. I had the baked potato he put together for me. And i was very cold so I went and laid down for a half hour before I had to go,

I still took the earlier bus. And it was chilly. But it was nice. It was a good ride to wildwood. And i had lots of time when i got there.

As i walked up to the building there were 2 cats sitting in the sun outside. I had lots of time so i got down and let them smell my hand. And they let me pet them! The one had a collar and the other was pretty skinny and dirty. I went and sat on the bench and the collared one sat under me and the dirty one let me pick him up and pet him. I cuddled him and sung to him for a while. He purred but like. I dont think he knew how because it was very croaky. I sat there and enjoyed these cats until they ran away.

I was still a little early. I said hi to the girl at the desk and then back to Tiffany's office. I worked on my lesson planning a bit. Fitsum came and we did a little more training. Then up to the class!

We were with the 4th and 5th graders. And that was cool. To get to know the kids I'll be with a little more. We started with a circle. Talked. The kids have to much energy but i like them! They are very sweet.

We had recess. Where i had to have words with a student because she chased one od my cat friends screaming. I was not happy with her being mean to an animal. But it was a good recess and it was nice to be outside. The kids are very funny. They're all screaming and running around in circles. When it was on the playground was fine. My problem was just when they were being mean to the animals. Which thankfully was not really anywhere near the playground itself.

Go back inside and had dinner. They had a weird taco bowl thing. Kids shared it with me a little got a couple chips. One girl gave me her carrots and you were absolutely disgusting. Like they tasted like sugar. I don't particularly like carrots but these were disgusting I only could eat too and I thought I was going to throw up. I felt just like when I was a kid when Mom would make me eat something I didn't like and I didn't have the words to explain why I didn't like it. This was exactly that. Apparently I really just don't like canned carrots.

We went up to the classroom and started working on art. Mr. D, one of the other teachers that I think I'm going to be working with, was leading the activity this week. They had made Sculpey objects last week and they were painting them to that. But a couple of those hoping things have broken so about five of them were making new ones. I got to sit and help a couple of the girls learn how to make little sculptural animals. I made a little tiny cat like I normally do. And they were like oh my God make one for me. And I said we'll make it together I'll show you how I do it. Then they would attempt to make it. And I would clean it up. And then they would crush it and asked me to make a new one. I said no you're going to make your own. And by the end the one girl had made four or five and the one she ends up keeping look really good and she had done most of the work. So it was nice to be able to actually work with them. Figure out how much help they need. What they can accomplish and what they can't. I also Drew with some of the kids for a little bit as well. It is really interesting seeing how everyone was interacting with the kids. We had four adults in the room so that can be a little bit different obviously. D is very quiet and reserved but they all really like him. Liz's louder butt firmer and really has a grasp on the control of the space. I was in there playing with the kids and I'm quiet but I am present. Fitsum I'm not sure about. I don't think he has a ton of experience working with little kids. Like don't get me wrong he wasn't that or anything. But he seems very uncomfortable and not sure what he was doing. I only really saw him interact with the kids twice during the art time. And like a recess he wasn't really talking to them at all. He did play a little bit of basketball but I don't know he just seems very uncomfortable. But that might have just been a space thing. And also he's from Africa and some of the kids were asking him if he knew people from countries that were literally thousands of miles away from where he's from. That had to be a little bit uncomfortable for him. I still think he's going to be fine once everything settles in.

I ended up having a really nice conversation with mr. D during the pickup hour. We sat on one of the lunch benches and he told me all about LARPing and cosplay. I used to do a little bit of that in high school and you guys know I love the costume so I was able to share some of my experiences as well. We have a lot of similar feelings about what aren't we want to work on this semester so honestly I hope we work together I think we would go well. And then it was time to go. Me and Fitsum went over to Tiffany's office to just have a debriefing before we went home. He gave me a ride. But he did have to leave me on the street because his girlfriend was at the cafe and he wanted to get her from there. But that was fine it's like two blocks. It was pretty chilly out though and I was very glad to be home.

But I had to turn the heat on here that's how cold it is. I put a pizza in the oven and took a shower. Wash my hair. Got changed and had my food. I watch TV for a little bit and cuddled with sweetp. I went through some more of my clothes that are down in the basement and brought out more winter stuff. More things with long sleeves. I organize my closet. And now I am really much just looking forward to getting in bed. I have the morning off tomorrow and I'm going to do laundry and go get groceries and I'm going to vacuum. Maybe I'll even have time to do some art and work on my lesson plans. But really I'm saving all of the lesson plans for Wednesday. So I'm not that concerned about it. I just hope it's going to be a good day. Go back to Wildwood in the afternoon to Shadow the younger kids class. And I'm interested to see what the teaching style would be like. So wish me luck. I hope you guys all have a good night and sleep well. Stay warm.

#ootd #work #sky #clouds #boy #good day #monday

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pbandjesse · 6 years ago

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I love my scarf so much. I did not actually wear it outside at the house. I wear a jacket. But I've had that scarf on pretty much all day. It is the best scarf even if it sheds a lot.

Today was a good day I did not accomplish everything I wanted to accomplish but I did a lot. I slept really well last night. Had very bizarre dreams. But I got up and felt good. I woke up and had biscuits for breakfast. Got dressed and walk to the grocery store. I brought my grandma card and bought lots of food for the week. I am trying to eat at home more this week. Especially since my hours are very weird. I wandered around for a bit and then went home. I am packed everything and then I had it over to Eddie's to get a couple things I can't get at streets Market. I biked over to Eddie's though and was only there for a couple minutes. I still need to get milk and I'll probably have to get eggs at some point but for now it's fine. I used my heart boiled egg cooker to while I was gone and didn't check the eggs but I'm assuming they're okay. I'm very excited about my hard-boiled egg maker though and I really hope that I can figure out the best time frame to leave them in there to cook.

Once I got everything unpacked I made lunch. I rested for a little while and made some plans. And then I headed out to go catch the bus. I left a little bit earlier than I really need to because I wanted to get the earlier bus just in case. I think I am going to be able to get away with getting the 12:30 bus. But just so that I get used to when I'm getting off going 20 minutes early. It's nice that that bus runs so often though.

It was nice and sunny out. There's a chill in the air but I was never uncomfortable or anything. In either direction. Hot or cold. I had a nice talk with an old man at the bus stop. And then the bus came. And it was a nice ride. It's like a 25-minute ride and it's very comfortable. I got up to Wildwood and like I said I was like a half an hour early. So I walked around the neighborhood.

The neighborhood very much reminds me of Mayfair in Philadelphia. It's mostly row houses with little front yards. Lot of Old Stone. In the direct neighborhood it's all houses in churches. There's not even a corner store. I think maybe at some point I'll try to wander out a little bit farther and see if there's somewhere to eat. Now that I really plan on it but just in case something happens and I have to get something close by.

When I got there Fitsum was already there and said that Tiffany wasn't in yet. So we sat in the waiting room and talked. We accidentally both were wearing the same outfit. Well not exactly. We're both wearing brown jackets and are in shirts. And I made us laugh. It seems like we are going to be together but it's still unclear at this point. I hope we do though because he's a sweetheart. Tiffany came and found us because it turned out she was there. But it was no big deal. We went back to your office and did a bunch of paperwork. Went through how are lesson plan is going to work. And I feel so excited about it. I was pretty nervous at first but now that all my questions are answered I'm like excited. And I have so many ideas. I've written 8 months of vague themes and topics in my tablet. I think I'm just going to keep everything on my Google Drive since now I paid for it for the year anyway. I was considering getting a Chromebook since I'm going to have to be doing a lot of writing. But instead since my tablet doesn't work very well I just decided to buy a Bluetooth keyboard for it. So that should be here on Thursday. And then I can actually do my lesson plans for real. I feel very excited.

We just did a lot of going through packets and making sure all of our paperwork was good and it was just nice to be able to honestly answer questions and not have to feel silly for wanting clarity. I got my direct deposit setup and we have to take 15 hours of professional development courses over the school year. And so she help me setup my account for that. And I was able to get into the CPR first aid training class on Friday morning. So I get my first three hours of PD in and I'm excited to have that certificate my record. Even though it was a little bit of a hassle trying to figure out how to make an account for some reason. They make it like all secret like.

After we finished all of her paperwork and spent a lot of time discussing how things go. We did another walk around the building. This time we actually got to meet the other teachers that we may be working with or will be the team with the 5th graders. They were both really nice and I would be equally as excited to work with them. I think it might be nice though to have a blank slate with the new class with fitsum and there won't be a weird power Dynamic there. Of having a current teacher and a new teacher. But regardless the students were there too. They were all so sweet. They liked my jacket and they asked me if I could teach him how to sew and they asked me about other different projects that they were interested in doing. And it was just so cool they were so engaged and so sweet. I'm really excited to get to work with them. There was a couple big personalities but in the best ways. I'm very excited for this opportunity. I really think that this is going to be the exact thing I've been looking for. The rest of my jobs and lives are going to have to sort themselves out. Maybe I'll slow down my work at the BMI and take my mornings for myself. Or maybe I won't and maybe I'll still do exactly what I'm doing now. I just don't want to burn out. I want to really enjoy being able to teach and museums and do all the things that I do. But today really made me excited for going forward.

Fitsum was nice enough to give me a ride again. I'm going to have to figure out a way to tell him I will give him money. Because him giving me a ride back is saving me like $16 every time. It's like even if I throw him like 20 bucks a week or something. It would be worth it to me. You also just lose them walking into my apartment though so I think he just it is being kind and just giving you rides. But I don't want to take advantage he's so nice. I really just hope that we become friends too cuz I think he's a really cool guy. He was telling me some about working in Ethiopia and the culture there. And I'm curious to learn more.

Once I got home I have kind of a going back and forth doing things all night. I watched the new Shane Dawson documentary series. And I ate snacks. I've been eating snacks all night. I work in my studio for a while. I played with the new Furbys. They both had some corrosion inside of them from their batteries leaking so I had to clean that up with vinegar. But they're both working just fine and they were chatting with each other. They do make that high-pitched screeching sound that I read about. So I may take them apart and disconnect the wires. Honestly I might disconnect all of their speaking wires because I'm not super a fan of their voices. But I still think they're very cute. I like the way that they move they're very active. So I think painting with them is going to be really interesting.

I talked to James for a little while he's at his apartment having a D&D night. I think I just have too much social anxiety to participate. I told him I would be a guest are at some point but I just don't know if I could play with them and feel comfortable enough to do it. But we'll see I don't know. I like doing it one on one with James that one time though I hope we can do that again cuz I did enjoy that.

I did fall down the stairs. I hurt my hand a little bit but I'm okay. I mostly just scared me. I took a shower and wash my hair. And it's just chilling at my apartment and I'm wearing Chenille socks and leggings and I feel very cozy. I think I'm going to switch my stuff for work into my new work tote bag. That I have gotten from my causebox. It's such a pretty bag and I think it's going to be perfect for carrying all my papers and things. And it stands so I feel like if it gets paint on it and stuff it'll be cool. I think now though I'm going to start winding down for bed. I have to wake up early tomorrow and try to get some more done. And then I have to go over to Northern Parkway to get my fingerprints done for the city to get an ID and a background check. And then I have to go to Wildwood at 12:30 for staff meeting. I'm very excited for that I think it's going to be very fun. I'm excited too more formally meet everyone. So I hope it's just another really nice day. I hope you guys all have a great night and sleep well. Be safe out there. Be kind

#ootd #furby #work #art #in progress #weird dog #cat #tuesday

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