#today was a good day we got a lot done
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hi im done with my first day of prep (almost, we're swinging by a goodwill on our way out) so we'll call this a plotting call to keep me company on my trip!
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me after attempting to get back into sims and realizing i had a lot more to do than play the game
#hi everyone#I’m going around hugging you all#okay now that we are gathered here today#i will simply acknowledge that i have been gone for a very long time and then also acknowledge that maybe it was for the best#i relied on sims to be my only creative activity even if i tried to write a book at the same time#and also. i prioritized sims over real life responsibilities. that’s just a deadly combination lol#but I recently noticed I just replaced sims with Netflix. with YouTube. with anything that gave me quick dopamine#literally became addicted in a sense. still am but I’ve been cut cold turkey from most everything#I get off work and go. okay I’ve done the dishes and the laundry……..I could read or write or bake….#I try to write and sometimes i get a good hour#then I read for a few hours and then get tired of it#and I made cookies Tuesday so I’m waiting for those to be gone before baking again#I’m just so pitiful that I feel BORED and don’t know what to do#so I said….. okay what if I do sims for an hour.#I downloaded some new cc Tuesday and tried to play yesterday#y’all ……………….. I can’t find the energy anymore to set up elaborate scenes and pose my sims and plan posts#I said wow… this is boring without my intervention and fake story#I said wow…….. all this for what? for tumblr? yes I created cool things and provided joy. but is that inherintly important compared to my#own joy? my own everyday activities I should be doing?#y’all I do not leave the house unless we got out to eat or shop or travel to our parents#.. I have little desire to. I’m trying to find that desire#but my husband is busy with grad school and work and I don’t want to do anything by myself#I’ve found myself in one heck of a slump#I didn’t want to be human for awhile. just had no desires no interests no ambitions#I was slacking off SO HARD at work. I just had no drive to do well#I’m still working on it. I’m still trying to get caught up. I’m still trying to force myself to move every day.#but I am struggling y’all. and I can tell you that sims… sims isn’t helping rn but I want it to so bad. I want to get back into it#I didn’t mean to disappear on everyone. I got married and then life got busy and then I fell into this hole of nothing#I didn’t even WANT to crawl my way out. but my husband has helped a lot. I feel like such a child!!!!#I reached max tags. 🙃 bye love you all. till next time
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I love your snakes so much, they're so cute!
Scoria: [bows] Sakura: [Rhaspberries] PBBBTTT~! Avid (the human): Thank you! My girls bring me so much joy. I hope sharing the cuter side of them will help people see snakes for what they really are, and maybe make the world more understanding and a better place for all snakes. ^_^
#snakes#pets#hognose#hognoses#I tried to take a photo of them together#But Sakura wanted to play#And Scoria just got done playing outside and really wanted to go to bed#So neither of them were having it lol#Scoria decided she had already posed for enough photos today#Y'all only see a fraction of the photos I take#But man on my rough days going through the photos I have of them#It's what gets me through and brings a smile back to my face#Sakura asked to come out today and let me pick her up without a fuss#She has gotten so so good#We're at the point she can be regularly handled for short amounts of time though she is a bit nervous#She's now at the point a lot of snakes start around that don't start with a fear#(Scoria had no fear once she had a week to vibe and get to know me as I only handled her with consent and when she chose to come out.)#(Scoria also realizes she scared ME when we first met and was like oh I am so sorry I did not realize I was so scary and was so sweet after#(We have grown so much since then. Ah it has been an amazing year with her and so glad we found her sister to add to our little family.)#scoria#scoria rose#sakura kurīmu#sakura#ask#asks
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Oh yeah, I forgot to mention it here hfkshfks
So when I was tuning the violins today. Well it was the first time I'd done anything with them in a while. And tbh I should've loosened the strings before leaving them for so long, but I hadn't thought of it.
So I tuned up my main violin. It's always been easy to tune & keeps in tune near perfectly when it's played regularly. So it went by quickly, except... when I'm tuning, I like to check the harmonic notes when cross-checking strings, and for whatever reason, the G string's harmonic was like half a note flat. The string itself was in tune tho, which was weird. So I went to adjust the bridge a little bit, just in case that might help, and then the G string fucking SNAPPED!!!
RIP lmao
Good for me tho I've always kept spares in my case. I had 2 of each string, so I just went and put in the new one. First time stringing a violin in years and years, but it went perfectly fine!!
Back and better than ever!
Then I went to tune my electric violin, and it took me literally 10 minutes bc the pegs DID NOT want to turn. I had to literally grab a blanket to pad my fingers as I put my whole self into that shit. It hurt !!!!! But I got it eventually lol. My main violin is definitely the best one for playing out of the bunch.
#speculation nation#i played my electric violin more than i ever have today.#didnt actually play my main violin like i first intended. bc it was getting late and i felt. bad.#so i played the electric violin. it worked! but i find myself missing my darling#i should try to practice at least a few more times before next semester. to make sure im prepared for returning to orchestra#(which isnt THAT an exciting prospect. take THAT my reoccurring dreams born from orchestra longing)#i actually picked it back up surprisingly well. outside of the um. stiff wrist and finger pains.#my wrist will loosen back up in time. thats the main reason i want to practice some more b4 next semester.#that plus my finger endurance. i still have pretty great dexterity. like it just felt really natural.#but my fingers got tired quicker than they used to and the SKIN. my CALLOUSES. are NOT THERE.#gonna wait until my fingers r recovered before i try taking my violin out again tho#also my wrist is a lil sore. i was demanding a lot from it today too.#not as flexible as it is when im actively playing but i actually managed to overcome it fine.#did my shifting and whatever. vibrato. whatever. really the worst part of the wrist stiffness is the finger positioning.#instead of being straight down on the strings my fingers had a bit of a turn to them#so the sides of the tips are sore now. owie. but oh well i made it work.#certainly wasnt my best playing but i did the best i could considering the circumstances.#in retrospect picking violin back up after Years and practicing and (re)learning a whole song to audition that SAME DAY is kind of insane.#whyd i do this to myself. oh yeah cause im stupid. oh well at least im following my heart.#i hope i hear back from the orchestra professor before too long. now that ive done the rehearsal im like. oughhh. yknow?#we will hope that friday night was good enough to count as 'by the end of the week'. we will hope.
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I managed to miss two buses in a row this morning, due to Circumstances (and I even RAN for the second one so that was for nothing) which is v annoying, but to make myself feel better, here’s some wins from this past weekend:
- I went back to one of my organising things after my 3 months out, and it was actually very lovely! saw tons of people I haven’t seen in ages which was great.
- I was stuck on a crochet thing and therefore was avoiding my crochet buuut I was extremely brave and figured it out and fixed it and I no longer have to avoid my crochet.
- cleaned some boots.
- went to my favourite cafe a whole two (2) times, even took a walk, honestly winning.
- did some planning to sort out some commitments for the next few weeks.
so like. maybe I can survive missing the bus/being 20 fuckin minutes later than I wanted to be/getting stuck in traffic/having to be on the bus with dozens of children. I haven’t been this late yet this year soooo it had to happen eventually.
anyway, I wish upon you all the best luck of not-missing-buses. may your tuesdays get off to better starts than mine.
#text post#my post#it’s actually pretty lucky that I don’t have that much planning to do this morning#so it’s not like. disastrous#just annoying and inconvenient and my knees hurt for what yknow#but it could be a lot worse#also last week was a bad week for buses in the afternoon#like I got stuck or had to wait ages pretty much every day#and this week both yesterday and today there was bus drama in the mornings#so I’m a bit suspicious#anyway the weekend was really really good actually#I got so many little things I’d been putting off done#and like. it’s so nice to go somewhere and recognise so many people and they’re all there and you get to see them and hug them???#it was great#we love Friends#yesterday and today are meant to be my Chill Days this week#as I have A Lot on for the tail end of the week#so I am going to Channel Calm and not be annoyed about the bus#I can do this#ok I’m gonna stop rambling in the tags now
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mmmmrrrrggghhhhhhh slow day
#catfish speaks#i did not get nearly half the things i wanted to accomplish done#part of it is cos i need more fabric for the bottom half of this coat#and that's not a hard find but it does mean i have to wait until nexy week when i get paid to buy it#and so i couldn't do rhe bottom but tbh the top half has SO much to it#and then i just. took forever to get anything done#also got groceries today which probably didn't help#but fuck i did not accomplish very much#and im scared im going to be crunching#i haven't even gotten halfway on the owlbear#and in my head i can whiz through all the steps and figure it out easily but oh boy#actually doing it is. different#i am just. very tired#god i want to get these cosplays done so badly#and ideally not have to crunch too hard#hrghhhh we will see#have a cup of tea and rest#then get back to what i can do today#and hey i have a lot of sick leave. i could. take a day off to jusy try and catch up#we'll see.#the good thing is thay i do currently have the leave to go to pax and will be able to get more from here on#so im good there#it's organised its just a bit tight#and of course im very tired this week and have a million things on so naturally i agree to go to a party on friday#im excited but aurhjisjajai man i love cramming my schedule don't i#reminds me i need to finish that present
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One of my brothers is moving away to college today + I have to skip therapy, so it’s a lot of… a lot. a lot.
#he was just a baby! he was just a little kid I carried around and took care of!#no nope. not gonna get into it right now. I WILL cry. it’s not even 6am and I do not need that right now#and I don’t really know if therapy today would really help#if I got into it I’d just start crying in front of this nice dude for an hour#though yeah… might be nice to.. I dunno… just talk about it.#I am always simultaneously ‘therapy is good’ and ‘what’s the point in talking about it?’#so maybe I do need that person that’s like ‘this is your time. just fucking talk.’#but also right now it’s like… talking about it won’t take me back to when my brother was little and far off from leaving#blegh…#whatever. anyway. it’s gonna be a sad day. I’m gonna cry A LOT. I’m gonna be alone in this apartment and just sooooobbbbbbing#and then keep this inside for another week before I can go to therapy and talk about this bc god forbid I talk to a family member about it#ok now it’s 6am. I think he’s leaving in about 4 hours. it’s cool. it’ll be cool. 😎 I’ll just miss my bro so dang much#but maybe I’ll walk down to the dollar store and stock up on snacks and I’ll get blasted and fatter and try to stay positive#uggghhh#I’m too emotional#time just keeps moving for us all. to my dismay.#’time is the fire in which we burn’#you can ignore this#I don’t think I’ll ever have kids. I’ll never have kids. and being there. with him. with my brothers. that was the closest I’ll ever get.#and it’s over… so… 🤷🏻♂️… it’s just done… they’re grown. and I’m still here. I don’t know what else to say…#but that’s life. they’re doing their thing. I’m happy for them and I want them to be happy too. I’m just a big crybaby#IAN!… stop typing!#just making myself sad at this point#it’s fine. it’s fine. I’m fine. I’m cool. everything’s… cool 😎#this isn’t important#text
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man this has been a fuckingggg week
#so much shit at work...i had a day off yesterday and in the time i was out someone made a crazy mess in my lab and didnt clean up and my#boss had to do it but it left permanent bright yellow stains bc there was iron chloride involved lmfao its fucking everywhere#and no one will own up to it which is the real dickhead move like idc if u make mess but CLEAN UP & TELL ME OR MY BOSS BC ITS NOT UR LAB#we'll figure out who it is anyway bc we can check the stock records next week. and the work buses have been fucking me overrr#and so many asshole interactions this week ive had it up to here w other ppl#but also its been nice to start working properly w my friend in the lab. and he gave me brownies at lunch today :^)#and got a lot of life shit done that ive been putting off doing + my boss shared some rly nice feedback ppl have given to her abt me 🥹#i got kfc on the way home n my roomie is bringing me fried chicken from the good chicken place in our old city cuz she was there today#and ive been in a lot of pain again but at least ive talked to my dr and have a plan for the next few months n new meds to try#trying to focus on the good things. im sooooo so so tired tho#early bedtime tn i think. got nice stuff planned for the weekend tho <3#struggling thru it but we'll get there#.diaries
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How did you count how many people you are? Like did you send out a mental event invite for Key System Head Party and 78 people hit "I'm Attending" or ...?
AKAKDJADJWHDBSBDBWBDSHQLSKAJFAJFJSIFJSHFSJFK THAT'S A FANTASTIC VISUAL
unfortunately no the actual reality is a lot more boring. see, when we figured out the whole plural thing via the first person appearing a little two years ago, we had three people- me, the new guy (X), and someone else who had apparently been stuck in the walls since the night before (Carl). we kept track of everyone with a bot called PluralKit for Discord, and as more and more people showed up we added profiles for them as well! people have come and gone for various reasons but we keep count of all of the permanent residents and that's how we know :]
#ray's tag#answered#some systems have a lot of trouble distinguishing between headmates; especially ones formed from trauma i've found#this tends to be because systems formed that way are designed to be covert and hidden from whoever manages the body's day to day life#to reduce the stress they have to deal with!#however we were pretty lucky at the onset to have already had an inkling of what was going on and to have done our research and so when tha#happened i was already in a group that would prove to be essential to our development early on and so i just sort of calmly walked in like#'hey. Xisumavoid Hermitcraft is in my brain. what the fuck do i do now?'#and then we got some really helpful pointers as to what the fuck we do now.#most of those people are still our friends today and X is now happily gay married and also one of my adoptive dads! :D#anyways there's your keyslore for today good morning tumblr
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#diana's music diary#good afternoon? evening?#I've been up a while but I've been nauseous as usual so#Just relaxing and such... Yesterday I felt pretty sick all day so I never got much drawing done but I did play the RoR remake#It was pretty fun! I imagine we'll play more today...#I've been socializing a lot more lately... it has made me happier overall I think.. as scary as it can be to be known...#very tired but I might not sleep in hopes that today we'll sleep earlier (we probably won't cause I'm already thinking about napping)#also more umineko music yaayyy!! reminding me I should start book club with my partner... maybe today? tomorrow?#either way.. let's make try making today good :3
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...
#guess who fucking fried 3 very fucking expensive machines today. me. i did#bc a fucking cabled decided to burn out and there was only one little symptom so i switched out the sensor head and inadvertently fried#another instrument. then when i was wait. hang on wtf happened here? and i was trouble shooting. i fried another one. so im down to one#machine. fucking holy christ. one mother fucking cable. a problem i cant fucking control and then i just fucking spred the problem#god dammit. which means i either have to do 20 additional days or we cut the number of reps to 7 or 8#and because of this. ive Disrupted the plans of 4 different labs bc it takes at least 3 months for them to do calibration#ugh. i was so angry. whatever. its fine. these things happen in labs and u kinda just have to deal with it. i dont really feel bad on a#personal level bc ive been working with these things for like 4 years and if i mishandled the problem something was pretty fucked up#bc ive fixed a lot of fucking problems on those machines. bleh. and as im like simmering with rage my family is texting eachother like#yayyy vacation soon ☺️#ugh. its just so frustrating bc i onlu had like 7 days left and i could have got thru all 10 reps. its gonna b maddening on one machine#ans ill have to do more when i fucking get back from vacation when i want it fucking done now but whatever ive bought#my fucking plane tickets and i leave in less than 2 weeks. plus ill get to spend at least one day at home#god im gonna be such a fucking bummer tho. im gonna get of the plane and my fam will b like how r u? and im gonna b like not fucking great#i am barely a functional person and im sure ill b so stressed abt thr fact i have to come back here that ill b on edge the whole time bc#thsts what happened over winter break. whatever. next weekend ill b fucking outta here for like 11 days#and just a few more months until i can leave for good. never walk into thst fucking building again. not that i have anything ready for thst#move. bc again. im barely a functional person#god. now i have to fucking ask for thr stupid bottom of the chamber for this last machine. i swear to christ if i have to fucking drive#down to [redacted] i fucking dont even kno#unrelated
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#2nd year in my program has a reputation for being the absolute worst part of it#it’s orals year (the exam is at the end)#but we still also have a full course load and a research project and workshop commitments and (for those that need it) language classes#plus. I have publication commitments. two dictionary articles (blessedly done). and a chapter#and I will lose my ever loving mind if I don’t get to go the gym every day#so it’s a lot. (a lot on a good day. hell on most really)#the unsurprisingly result of this is that I have been exhausted and stressed to the max#when I got back from one of my orals prep classes today#I was working on the research paper for my Maimonides class and got a call out of the blue that I had a DHL delivery#which was very confusing#b/c the only things I’ve ordered recently were coming via UPS#lo and behold#one of my best friends from LSE who still lives in London#sent me surprise birthday gifts from harrods#a moleskin and a box of their Knightsbridge blend tea!#I adore the gifts of course#but it mostly just made me feel very grateful to he remembered and loved in that way#(my birthday is actually the Saturday after this coming one. the vagaries of international shipping are not her fault though)#me stuff#not the stones#(((also please excuse the tea cupboard. my collection does in fact take up an entire large kitchen cabinet and go three rows back on the#bottom shelf. I may have a problem)))
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for real this work is a lot of back and forth between imposter syndrome vs I KNOW WHY IM HERE and that sucks but also the positive days are great so like fine i guess
#work log#we're nearly done w week 3 !!!#i accidentally joined the wrong group but it was a lot better tbh alsjfalskh#(got lost but dontworry about it lmao)#youd think 3 weeks into this id stop being intimidated i dont <3#but today was really good !! and i actually felt like i was doing something and remembered why im here#im mostly saying this bc yesterday i just wanted to lock myself away FOREVER (was being dramatic)#so it was nice to have a good day after yesterday lmao#i mean fair. im still irritated about what happened 2 days ago and something came up earlier today re: it#so i had to really bite down against the cynicism of :I everything#BUT WE MAKE DO !!!!!!!#snow speaks#anyways i have a headache. but i need to get coffee and study 😴
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hello hello hello i just remembered that my english teacher told me a week ago that she's interested in my writing and sent her my two (currently) best short stories with a very polite unnecessarily elaborate message i just Did that i did do that are you proud of me
#also i got early enough to eat breakfast today#which. i havent done the rest of the week#BUT in my defense my alarm clock is kinda broken#also i took a walk#i mean mostly it was spite bc our buses just got more espensive (like a Lot) and this way i can go by bus both ways tomorrow#and it wasnt actively snowing but theres snow and it smells nice so i decided fuck it and walked home#but like i also did take a silly little walk for my silly little mental health and fantasized about silly little blorbos meanwhile#AND i finished a fic of sorts#and i took a five minute power nap on the floor of that one room we kinda lurk in at school in our free time#and majorly surprised a classmate whod seen my jacket but not me (<- lying behind the table in front of the heater under the window)#which was very funny when i just sat up and gave my comment to the Homework Situation and she just went Whoop Biscuit Youre Here??#no it was. it was a good day i think#ik i didnt think so all day but. i dont actually remember those parts. thats. thats pretty neat#a biscuit's rambles#anyways i should go to sleep i have two exams tomorrow yippee#theyre not gonna be too bad tho. pe is gonna be worse lmao
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sometimes life is boohoo sad and then ur mom brings u back a creamy mango lemonade freeze with mango boba and hello kitty halloween spa things and suddenly u are woohoo glad
#it is not even a little bit frozen anymore but it’s SO GOOD i don’t even care#i accidentally killed a frog last night and got locked out of the house and had to throw pebbles at my window until my sister noticed#and then she teased me and called me a murderer for accidentally killing the frog and that made me feel like an EVIL PERSON#so that was traumatising#also the hot guy on hinge who said i was ‘very very cute’ & looked like i walked right out of a disney movie & was asking abt my hobbies#and almost accurately guessed my meyers briggs except for one letter i think is ghosting me#which i guess was to be expected bc we have like Nothing in common and both matched on looks alone…. still#i’d hoped to get a Little more fun out of it first#aaaand what else…… my room is a mess i have a million things to do & instead i’m sitting on the couch with my neck pillow reading fic#and i think. i THINK. i am done descending into a hole of depression. and i might have the strength to at least sit still for a minute#before attempting to climb back out#i am still very sad about a lot of things and i still feel tired and helpless and anxious and all sorts of things but#it feels like something i recognise again as opposed to some eldritch beast taking over my body#maybe it’s because i cooked yesterday that tends to help. maybe it’s experiencing emotion vicariously through little fictional guys#something like that. also the road in the neighbourhood was repaved today#a new path ahead of me it seems.#anyway if u see this pls come tell me about ur day ! i want to connect with other humans
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I forget how much I hate the taste of vodka but the whipped cream vodka is so much better my god
#make a drink sweet enough that you can’t taste it when it’s in ur mouth and then all u get is the whipped cream vodka in the burn#makes drinks more tolerable#also this is the fastest I think I’ve ever chugged an alcoholic drink#we are gonna get fucked up tonight bc we have daddy issues and fought with our mom this morning slayyy#smoked a cigarette at the lake now getting fucked up in my room while home alone#life is so good and it’s all bullshit forever#literally we could all die and it doesn’t matter and life is weird and crazy and I am happy it sucks and I am so fucking thrilled to be aliv#at all#life is good regardless of death but I wish death would just like wait patiently for my family#dad I miss u I hope you had a good four twenty where ever you ended up. im sorry moms acting like this. I hope my brothers okay at school.#I hope he’s having a good time and isn’t completely overwhelmed with everything. I was right and apparently he’s gonna come home after grad#uation and im excited to have him home again but my mothers all upset. I know it sucks that you’re dead but it’s nice knowing in a weird way#that you’re the reason me and hunter got close again. so thanks I guess for that. and smoking made me and mom grow closer. idk. you’ve done#a lot for us and most of it had to do with weed. today hurt worse than my birthday. or the six month anniversary. today sucked. and no one#else seemed to be torn apart by it and it made me feel like I was going crazy and no one could even tell#you would’ve noticed if I was acting different. I love you. wherever you are I still love you. and I’m sorry. I’m sorry I was such a bitch.#and I wish I took better care of you. but you were my father I wasn’t supposed to take care of you. you should’ve been there for me. we shou#have been there for mom and hunter and your parents and I’ve been thinking a lot about grammie actually. I don’t know how I feel. thinking#about her makes me cry now. I don’t have the heart to make her cry talking about my childhood but I miss her. and I miss being young. I miss#you coming to my Father’s Day dance recitals and coming back from bike week in Laconia and bringing me flowers always wearing your grey#Harley Davidson jacket and you’d have flowers in your arms and you’d be bored but so proud and you’d hug me and you’d smell like weed and#your beard was always scratchy when you’d hug me and I just miss you a lot. I miss you and I fucking hate you for it fuck.#note to self. don’t be pmsing and then get drinking and smoking and thinking of your dead father. you will cry
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