#today isn't too bad but the past two days i felt like i was dying

[liu-anhuaming]

took the day off work for an allergist appointment. can't wait to find out what all i'm allergic to finally

[oddballwriter]

Stacy's Mom, Part 2

Summary: Following Marc asking you out on a date in exchange for him hosting so many sleepovers for both of your daughters and mowing your lawn, you meet for lunch at a restaurant and share your stories and talk about other things, finding that you two really get along. 

Warnings: SingleDad!Marc and SingleMom!reader. She/her reader. Reader is divorced and Marc raised Rayna (his daughter) alone. Some reference to Marc's past with some parts skipped over and added non-canon stuff (Rayna's adoption). Marc doesn't have D.I.D. in this but it's mentioned that he had/has some issues with his mental health from his past.

Author’s Snip: This was the second in line in my poll for what I should write so here y'all go. I had some people requesting a part two so here you go. Just as an FYI, I will not do a part three, I just wanted to write this because it was wanted and the idea struck me.

I’ll shut up now. Enjoy! And don’t be afraid to request.

Word Count: 1,012

You checked yourself in the mirror, making sure that your hair looked nice and your make-up was cleanly done. Double-guessing your outfit.

Was it too casual? Was it not casual enough?

No, it's fine. This isn't a business lunch. This is a date lunch. A date lunch with the very handsome Marc Spector. The date proposal was a bit sudden to you. One day you finally meet him in person for the first time, the next he's over at your house mowing your lawn and backyard, and now you have a date with him in about an hour.

While driving in your car to the restaurant you found that you were stricken with a bit of the nerves. It had been so long since you had been on a date. A very long time actually. You hadn't dated anyone since you and your former husband, Stacy's father, divorced. You settled that you were just too busy with work and taking care of Stacy that you simply didn't have time to get out there again.

Well, maybe you're still not trying to get out there. After all, this was more of a payment, a means to show gratitude and get to know Marc better since it would be nice to be familiar with the father of your child's best friend. But, things always happen when you least expect them. So who knows.

Upon getting there with a couple minutes to spare you find Marc in the front already waiting for you. He gives you a warm smile and greeting and heads inside with you to which you get seated at a table.

"You look nice, today." he compliments. You thank him and respond with "You don't look so bad yourself.".

After ordering, you two spend the first couple of moments as you wait for your food talking about yourselves. You explain your job and your many business trips and he explains his. As it turns out, Marc is a writer for an archeology-based news website. But Marc sprung up a new topic.

"Why did you stay working? Not to sound rude or anything. I just find that most parents leave behind working to take care of the kids." Marc clarified. You sigh, it was a bit of a long and somewhat personal answer, but you felt like you could lay it out to Marc. "If I'm being honest, my former husband's job... well, it was an okay job with good pay but my job, which I had before him, paid more and our new life was dependent on that money so I kept it." you explain. Marc nodded, "I get it. Nice house in a good neighborhood and block. It's a picturesque place to live and raise a child.".

"Exactly," you exclaim, "But Dan, my former husband, he found that my job was keeping us apart and other factors that were there like the spark dying out just made it clear that maybe we were fine going our separate ways." you explain with a sigh. "I'm sorry to hear that." Marc replies. You look at him with a soft smile, "Oh, don't be sorry. Things like that just happen to some people. It was a bit sudden, sure, but I guess we both weren't homebodies." you add.

"That must still be a bit rough on you? A single mother and a working woman." Marc sympathizes. "I've gotten the hang of it. Maybe I'm a bit worried for Stacy's sake when she's alone but she has you and Rayna now. Plus her dad is still in her life and we're on good terms." you say.

Marc nods, glad that you're doing just fine. But then you turn the attention towards him. "How about you. What's your story, if you don't mind sharing it?" you ask.

"Oh, well... it's a bit of a story. One that goes a bit longer." Marc explains. You look at him with that same soft smile, "I'm all ears if you want to talk about it.". Marc takes a breath.

"I had a... complicated childhood, to say the least. When I became an adult I went off to join the military but I had some mental health issues, so they let me go. Then I became a mercenary, but that also didn't turn out to be right for me either so I left that. After that, I was just kind of a wandering soul." Marc explains before continuing. "But then something just kind of came over me where I just wanted to be a dad. I don't really know where the hell it came from but it was there and so I got the job I have now, climbed up to get a stable wage, and looked into adoption. Then I took in and adopted Rayna when she was young." Marc explains till he reaches the end and just shrugs, "And now we're here." he concludes.

You look on listening in awe. "Wow. You really are a great man." you praise. Marc blushes a bit and smiles "Well, what can I say? I guess I just needed someone to take care of so that I could have some actual structure in my life for once.". Marc laughs a bit, "You know, she's a handful sometimes, especially with her being a tweenager and starting to get into all the latest things." Marc comments. You roll your eyes thinking about that with Stacy, "Tell me about it. I've lost count of all the things that were in fashion and then fell out of fashion soon after." you groan.

You laugh at all the things you've heard and seen with your daughters. Followed by things when you two were younger. Followed by this, and that, and other things even while eating lunch just enjoying talking and laughing. By the time you ran out of things to talk about, the waiter came to ask if you wanted the bill, making you realize that time flew right past the two of you.

"I had a great time." you comment.

Marc smiles back "So did I.".

[theconfusedartist]

Before Penn Station [permutation 1] Ch. 2

Hi guys! I finally managed to get this done! I hope that you all like this chapter, and I replied to the person on ff.net. I wasn't sure if I should also give the reply to the concerns here too, but I'll answer here in the notes too.

Here's the chapter below the cut!

After shoving his way through an entire crowd, Alex doubles back as fast as he can, ducking around a corner then back over the rear entrance of Bad Weather. Ignoring the irritated and outraged looks he got as he ran past people, he quickly started scaling the nearest building, eyes alert for Desmond's telltale presence.

He managed to catch a glimpse of it as Desmond teleported (because what else do you call it when someone straight up disappears in broad daylight?) somewhere else, a low computer noise the only thing he left behind. Alex felt his lips pull as his mouth widened to a cheek-to-cheek grin.

He'd been just a bit late, but he'd managed to find Desmond as he was escaping, and he was only getting better at it.

Satisfied, Alex climbed back down in the nearby alleyway, dusting off his hands and wiping off the debris in his (what used to be) white hoodie. He didn't have any work to do, since today was a field-testing day, and Dana told him she'd be occupied for the better part of the day before doing some other things she had to take care of. His apartment was already clean and the idea of laying down to sleep was repulsive at this point.

Which meant he only had one other option, since he wasn't nearly desperate enough to call up his insane boss for company. Karen.

Hopefully, she was in a good mood today—he really didn't want to hear her talking about her murder scrapbook. His phone was a basic Nokia brick flip, but it worked and that's all that mattered, and he didn't pay it a second thought as he called Karen.

The phone rung four times, then Karen answered with a terse, "What."

Ah. Not a good mood then. Oh well. "You free right not?"

A loud sigh, "Unfortunately. How soon are you coming over?"

Alex shoved his way back onto the sidewalk, holding his arm up for a passing cab's attention, "I'm catching a cab now."

"I'll see you shortly then."

Alex never saw any reason to make small talk with people he wasn't interested in, so after shooting down the cab drivers' initial attempts at conversation, the trip was a short and awkward one. Pushing the money at the disgruntled cabbie, he wasn't surprised when he heard the screech of tired as the car peeled out of the lot.

Karen's apartment was on the third story, no elevator to speak of, just two sets of rickety stairs with dying bushes and potted plants littered around carelessly. Karen's door was easy to puck out, the almost gothic door knocker that sat in the center of steel ivy vines above a cheery 'Welcome!' mat was a dead giveaway.

Alex slammed the door knocker once, and waited for a few seconds as the door swung open to reveal Karen, sans makeup in a light grey bathrobe, a cup of coffee in her hand. She turned back into her apartment without a greeting once she saw it was him, yawning loudly and moving to eat her breakfast of bland scrambled eggs.

"Hey, Karen." Alex greets dryly, slamming the door after walking inside and grabbing his own mug for coffee, "You look like shit."

"Coming from you, that means nothing." She chugs her first mug then blankly sets it down to grip at her second cup, already hot. "You look like you fought a bear."

Alex scoffs, "Please, none of them were big enough for that."

"So, why'd you call me anyways? Did you need help with disposal again?"

"Nah, I already took care of that." Alex's head absentmindedly touches his right coat pocket, the inner lining pressing against his shirt. "There isn't anything left for anyone to find now."

"Then why are you here?" Karen yawns again, "Seriously, if you came here to talk about that girl you've been trying to date, then you better be prepared to hear me talk about my love life."

"Finally!" Karen shots, slamming her empty cup on the counter top loudly. "Trina dumped me last night and I've been drinking coffee to stay up and reread our chat history! She blocked me." Karen glowers at Alex, "She blocked me! I'm such a catch and she blocked me!" She looks to Alex cheerlessly. "What am I doing to drive these women away, Alex? Why can't I find love?"

'Lots of reasons.' Alex thinks, but has the sense not to say out loud. "Why'd she break up with you? Was it the murder-"

"It was the murder scrapbook." Karen lets out a long drawn out groan. "I set up my bathroom as a dark room to develop my photos, and Trina decided to surprise me with some supplied because she's a photographer too, walked in and saw them! She saw all my latest murder shots!" Karen rubs at her temples, her short blond hair choppy and ragged from it's most recent haircut. "At least she didn't scream and run like Priscilla did, but it was honestly worse. I got her to sit down see we could talk it out and she, in the nicest ans sweetest way possible because that's just how she is, told me that she was utterly repulsed by me and realized I wasn't the person she thought I was."

"Ouch."

"Yeah. I tried to convince her that this was just another part of me, y'know like a puzzle you found pieces to you didn't know existed, but she just. She walked out, Alex. And she didn't even look back, all I saw was her back and the door."

"You should find someone who isn't on the straight and narrow, Karen. I told you, you've gotta find someone who can keep up with you have going on and has their own shit going on."

"But I don't want someone who lacks morals, that's the reason I'm not dating anyone from the company, Alex."

Alex shrugs, not willing to add anything to the topic, as they'd spent many nights bitching about the absolute depravity being fostered and encouraged at Gentek. At this point, any further discussion would be beating a rotten horse.

"I just...wanna come home to a nice girl who isn't going to stab me in the back or poison me for corporate secrets. Who I can share my love of photography with, who I can share my passions with and enjoy her passions, with the benefit of rough sloppy sex! Is that too much to ask?!"

Alex shrugs, "I mean, if you asked me a few years ago, I probably would've said that you met her and the time is past. But now...I dunno, Karen. If I can run into my other half again, after fucking up my shot on three seperate occasions, there's still a chance."

Karen looks at him morosely, "You think so? You think there's still a chance?"

"Maybe. But you have to chase it, when you feel like you've met that person, otherwise you'll regret it."

"Speaking from experience?"

"Yeah." It's not said with shame or sadness. He says it so matter-of-fact that Karen has no choice but to accept it as the truth. Or at the very least, it was Alex's truth.

"Well. Ok." Karen sits up. "Thanks. You give good advice sometimes."

Alex barks a laugh, "I had to take care of Dana growing up, so I've had to give sensible advice every now and then. Just...don't expect me to do this too often."

"What, you might combust?" Karen snorts.

"Absolutely." Alex nods, but she can see the slight quirk of his lips. "I'd be nothing but meat chunks all over."

Karen laughs and a comfortable silence descends over the room. Karen is content to stare at the counter, mulling something over, while Alex gets up to get a mug from her cabinet. He already grabbed one when he came in, but it's a bland boring thing with the Gentek logo engraved on the front. He already has to deal with their bullshit on a near daily basis, swallowing from a mug with their logo almost feels like defeat. She has a couple of mugs in the cabinet that's ended up there after so many years of spending time in her space, migrated over from his apartment, and Alex chooses the familiar one with the words 'resting bitch face' on the front in black, the rest of the mug a faded crimson. Karen's coffee machine is the kind you'd find an office, but at the very least she has cream and other flavors available, for as much as she drank the stuff she wasn't all that good at roasting it.

Cup full of coffee, a spoonful of sugar and a lot of cream later, Alex returns back to the counter.

Karen sighs then taps her fingers on the counter top. "So, c'mon. Why don't you tell me about the good news?"

"What good news?"

"I mean, you sounded pretty upbeat on the phone-well for you at least. Did something go well?"

"Oh." Alex slowly grins, showing all of his teeth as it stretches from the cheek to cheek, his eyes only visible by the excited gleam. "I've been getting batter at tracking him without him being able to tell I'm near. I saw him teleporting today-and that was after he got done glowing."

Karen blows air out from her teeth, "Man, how am I supposed to take you seriously when you say shit like that? People can't glow or teleport, Alex. Do you need to take something for hallucinations or something?"

The smile oozed off his face as Alex looks down his nose at her, "This is why I rarely ever tell you thinks about him. You don't believe me."

"I mean," Karen shrugs, "You let the weirdest shit slip when you talk about him, and it sounds literally impossible. I mean-" she fumbles to gather her words. "-how am I supposed to believe you met him once, and he somehow captivated you so badly that you jumped his bones in Vermont, you somehow didn't have the sense to give him your address or phone number. Then! And this is the part that I really don't believe, but you saw him with his baby-mind you, you've literally told me that this was a guy that you slept with. Also! And this is something you told me by the way, you saw this guy eating glass and metal in a crowd without anyone else noticing. And this was somehow on the one day that you had to get a secondary copy of your dissertation to copyright the strain of virus that McMullen sold to that-who was it again?-that weird as Whister-Water-Wesky-Wesk-something dude from the company that went bankrupt and got bought up by Tricell. Mind you, you managed to see him at the exact time you were coming out, then you had to chase him down and lost him in the crowd. Literally what are the odds? I rarely ever see you lose a mark when you go hunting."

"He talks about 'the Calculations' sometimes when he's super tired or drank too much." Alex shrugs. "No idea what he means, but for some reason he says it like a title of something or an event. Won't explain it though."

"...right. Alex," Karen placles her hand on his arm. "I saw this because I care about you. Are you going crazy or something? The only person I've ever seen you chasing after is a woman, in any of the times I've been your wingwoman she's always been a dancer or a bartender, and? I've never seen her glowing or talking to another person that you've said you've seen. I really think that you might be hallucinating or something."

"He's a woman sometimes, that's all."

"He...crossdresses?"

"No."

"Then...are we even talking about the same person?"

"Who do you think I'm talking about?"

"Uh...? That girl that always wears the huge white hoodie, right?"

Alex puts a hand to his chin, "Is that the main thing that you remember him by? Do you remember anything else about him?"

"...she had really short dark hair? I dunno, Alex, she didn't really have that many distinct features and she's not all that pretty." Karen narrows her eyes, "Maybe it's just because you're biased you think she has some...beauty or whatever."

'No,' Alex thinks. 'She's not the only person that described him like this. Before I gained such a bad reputation at the bar, most patrons and employees only recognized him by the hoodie and hair.'

"Alex?" Karen waves a hand in front of him. "Alex, can you hear me?"

'Karen might've just cracked the case for me. People don't remember him as Desmond or Desiree, since he never introduces himself by either of his real names, they don't even notice the scar on his lips. Does he have some ability to hide? Is that why people only ever seem to see the hair and hoodie? If that's the case, I can use it to my advantage...'

"Alex. Alex!" Karen claps her hands once, twice, thrice. "There he goes again."

'I have a plan now. I've gathered everything to make this work, all I need to do is get Des in a romantic environment, and it'll work!'

"Karen!" Alex straightens up with a yell, smashing his hands onto the counter, startling Karen who'd been skimming a book. "You've done! That's it!"

"What's is?!"

"I figured out what I need to make him mine!"

Karen blinks, then blinks again rapidly. "H-what?"

"I'm going to get ready, Karen." Alex gives her his full toothy, cheek to cheek grin. "I greatly enjoy speaking with you. See ya!"With that he turns and strides out her apartment, making sure to close the door behind him.

Karen rolls her eyes, "Always with the dramatic entrances and exits…"

------->

Author's Notes: Karen was implying that Alex could win in a fist fight with an actual bear, but Alex was talking about the sexy gay kind. Karen has lost multiple girlfriends to her murder scrapbook, she always makes sure to cover her tracks and let her exes know that if they try to turn her in, she will kill them. Karen and Alex were dating before he entered Gentek, and she was actually his link into the company, she's on his team working on is counteragents and immunizations. Alex doesn't have that many members on his team, but the few that does all specialize in things that he doesn't work on, so he doesn't have to worry about anyone taking credit for his work.

No one has ever entered Alex's lab, it was one of the conditions that Alex made when he became a director in the company. Also, yes Karen did imply a few things about other franchises. Shout outs to all the people that recognize it.

[pheita]

Flash Fic Friday: Found Family

Since I am in editing/re-writing mode and have 2 WIPS at the same time (yes, I am crazy) I used today's prompt from @flashfictionfridayofficial to add a little scene for "Always Prepared" since I decided to do multiple POVs instead of single POV

Here we are.

No warnings. Just shenanigans between 3 friends who became like brothers.

Evening Conversation

It had become a rarity that they found time to sit together and just let the day end after work. A cheeky grin slowly settled on Nardik's face as he saw the pained look on Thurash's face and heard the cheerful whistle of Lorkin. The likelihood that their otherworldly guest Nesryn was to blame was high. Why she and Lorkin clashed so much was a mystery even to him, but that would be found out eventually. After all, it had only been a few weeks, and Nardik couldn't imagine how big the shock must still be to have landed in another world. "Is Eshmerrik on duty tonight?" asked Thurash as he fell heavily onto the chair opposite him. "No, Esh isn't on duty again until tomorrow morning. Are you planning to get drunk?" Instead of answering, Thurash raised his head in search of the attendant. Nardik looked to Lorkin. "What did you do?" "Me, nothing. Neshryn on the other hand…" "I correct, what did you two do?"

"That good-for-nothing adjutant didn't stop her when she took out her frustrations on a shapeshifting dragon and almost ended up in prison for treason." Thurash rubbed his face, followed by a sideways glance at Lorkin, who was innocence personified. Nardik started laughing and took a sip of ale, shaking his head. "What was she upset about this time?" "I think she's just always in a bad mood in general and loves to take it out on others, and for a change it wasn't me this time." Almost simultaneously, Nardik and Thurash began massaging the bridge of their noses. Lorkin spent the least amount of time with Nesryn, but when he did, it always led to some sort of incident and as much as he liked Lorkin, and he knew Thurash felt the same way, he wanted to slap him for it right now. "If I didn't know better, I'd think you were trying to kill her," Thurash muttered. "Or to get her into bed," Nardik added. "Anyway, I can't pull the same trick you did with Esh that time," Lorkin just grinned.

As unobtrusively conspicuous as he began to check his hair, looking past Thurash, Nardik could only follow the gaze. At the other end of the room stood a waitress who resembled Nesryn in stature and size, except for the fact that no one knew Nesryn's natural hair color among the blue dyed hair and the waitress was clearly a light brunette. His gaze went back to Lorkin. Out of the corner of his eye, Nardik noticed that Thurash had seen it too and was looking at his right hand and best friend. After almost twenty years of knowing each other, the way Lorkin said nothing was enough of words. "Kasht help us…" groaned Thurash. At that very moment, he stood up and went to the counter. Laughing at the impatience, Lorkin and Nardik waited until he was out of earshot, then Nardik leaned forward a little. "Be honest, you find her interesting." "Who?", Lorkin feigned ignorance. It took perhaps two breaths of Nardik giving him a knowing look before Lorkin relented. "All right, then. Yes, something about Neshryn is…I can't put it into words. How did you know?" Enjoying Lorkin's caught expression, Nardik leaned back with a smug grin and took his tankard. "You are a playful womanizer as much as I am a scheming puppeteer." "Very nicely put for we're just pretending," Lorkin laughed and was now the one leaning forward, "But why do I get the feeling there's more?" A shrug was the answer, but Lorkin's eyes continued to be on him with a probing gaze. "Even though I'm sure she sometimes wants to throw me off the walls of the academy as much as she wants to throw you off, I have a strange sense of connection with her. Much like with you and Thurash." Silently, Lorkin nodded. Nardik had last seen this taciturn nature in his friend when his mother had tried to set him up for the sake of the family name. Even the low volume of the tavern seemed far too loud at that moment as they both indulged their thoughts.

"Good thing I brought a tankard for you right away," Thurash commented, setting a tankard of mead down in front of Lorkin. Thurash's gaze went back and forth between the two. The frown already announced what he was about to ask. "Everything is fine, Lorkin is just having a thoughtful evening tonight." Nardik's wink escaped none of the others and caused a tortured groan. "Let's wait and see what comes out of this. There's a 50 percent chance that some nonsense will come out of it," Thurash teased him. "Says the man who hasn't been able to talk sensibly to Pashyn for a year." While Lorkin tossed the ball back to Thurash, Nardik pulled out his phone and began writing a message to his husband. "This is something completely different!" "Oh, is it? That's quite a shame that the captain of the magical guard can't manage to talk to a woman." Nardik chuckled quietly to himself as he warned Eshmerrik that he would be home late, because once again Thurash's love life was up for debate. As soon as the message was sent, Nardik rubbed his hands together. "All right, then. Let's start looking at this productively. What hasn't Thurash tried yet?"

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #220

When was the last time you were bitten by an animal? What kind of animal was it? My cat, but not aggressively.

When was the last time you had sex/did something sexual? How was it? Slightly over a week ago, fine. I was having anxiety issues and I was totally fine afterwards so that was nice lmao

When was the last time you did something illegal? What did you do? Pirated music semi-recently.

What was the last colour you dyed your hair? It's a pastel lilac right now!

Tell me about the first five photos you have on your phone or camera. You mean like... the five I see first/the five most recent? I downloaded two nature-related wallpapers a few days ago, then there's two pictures of me with my new hair, then one from the Pride event.

Who was the last person you know to have something big happen to them (i.e., get engaged/married, have a baby, etc.)? My acquaintance Ian got engaged.

Is there anybody over the age of 40 that you think is hot? heh

Have you ever been punched in the face? No.

Do you have to watch yourself in the mirror while you brush your teeth? No, I pace.

Do you think your last ex deserves to die? No, I may not like her, but I don't think she deserves death.

How’s the love life going? Great.

Do you think the last person you Facebook messaged is a virgin? She has a child, no.

Have you ever been cheated on, or had a guy move on extremely fast after a long, seemingly sincere relationship? Yes to the latter.

Have you ever had someone drag his or her nails down your back? well a survey ain't asked that before, but yes

If you’ve been hurt in a past relationship, are you more jaded this time around? Of course.

[TW: ABUSE] Have you ever been in a physically abusive relationship? No, this is NOT something I would tolerate under any circumstance. I'm out.

Have you ever felt more like you needed someone, and less like you loved that person? No.

Is there any habit, attachment, or addiction that you feel you have beaten or risen above? World of Warcraft. I still play it a lot, but by god it's nothing like I was when Jason and I dated/maybe a year and some change afterwards. In my waking hours, it's all I did. There was nothing more fun to do, in my opinion. I would turn down better things to do because I wanted to play it. I consider myself very lucky that I fell out of it because of money (it's not free to play, although it later implemented an in-game currency way of paying, which I use now), and I was without it for at LEAST a year, I think more. When I started playing again, I was never quite the same about it, and today, I find it way less engaging and tend to only have fun for short bursts of time in it. Even though I have the game open a lot and may tab in to do stuff, my relationship with it is nothing like it once was. I've gone on breaks by my own will when I just stop having fun.

Have you ever lived with a friend? Yes, technically, because I was homeless at the time. I wasn't actually an official resident though, and I only stayed a couple months while my mom secured a home.

Have you ever only liked someone because you found out they liked you? This isn't exactly the case, no. I only dated Tyler because he wanted to; I wasn't particularly interested, but I decided to give him a shot. We were friends in high school and I thought he was a fine guy then, so I figured why not. I never really reciprocated the liking, though. I was just trying things out.

Do you think people act weirder or that stranger things happen when there's a full moon? No.

Do you think you would make a good parent someday? No, and that's why I won't be one.

In which were you happiest: elementary, middle, or high school? Elementary.

Have you ever written something on a street sign? No.

Life is nothing without passion. What are you passions? Animals, nature, proper education on them and their conservation; human rights and autonomy; and photography, among other things.

How's the weather lately? It's too hot and not enough rain. We're in a bad drought; we've only gotten one rather short, mild thunderstorm as of a few nights ago.

You can bring back one dead pet to life. Which one? REALISTICALLY, I wouldn't do this. I don't want to experience a pet's death a second time. But for the sake of the question, so long as he wasn't dealing with what he was at his time of death, Teddy, my dog. He was my pet of all time.

Is there a pillowcase on your pillow? Describe it: Yeah, it's just a basic beige one.

School: what classes are you taking at the moment? I'm not in school anymore. I don't think I'll ever be going back.

What scent is your deodorant? You know what, I have no idea. It's just Secret.

Are you happy with what you see when you look in the mirror? Nope.

Does it get super hot in the summer where you live? Yes it does, and it keeps getting worse. Global warming, y'know.

Would you ever date someone of the same sex? I've done it before and I'd do it again.

If you HAD to be raised by another family member than you were, who? Um... probably my mom's actually sane brother and his wife. They're good people.

Are you close with you best friends' parents? Do you know them very well? I'd say we're close, and I feel I know her relatively well.

Do you like reptiles as pets, or do they gross you out? Reptiles are my ideal pet, actually.

What is the youngest age you would consider dating somebody? Maybe like... 22. But that's still pretty low for me, I'd have to really, really like you.

Favorite type of seafood? Shrimp is the only seafood I've found I like.

Are you more traditional or progressive? Progressive as fuck.

Are you into the occult? Aesthetically, totally. But as far as faith and stuff goes, no.

How long was your longest relationship? Three and a half years. Girt's catching up, we're pushing three. Got a good feeling we'll pass that.

Did you ever honestly believe you were going to marry your highschool bf/gf? Oh, I was entirely and utterly convinced that this was fact. It was GOING to happen. It didn't, and my life nearly ended because I couldn't cope with that.

Are you a virgin? Do you believe virginity is "sacred?" Yes, no.

Would you say that you have a lot of friends? No.

Are both your parents alive? Yes.

Were you raised by your biological parents? Yes. My dad didn't do much raising, but.

Has your family ever been broken? Oh for sure. It still kinda is.

Do you think your parents respect your space? Yes.

Are you close with you siblings, if you have any? No. I wish I was...

Have you ever in anger told your parent(s) that you hated them? Oh, I absolutely have to my dad. Maybe not those words exactly, but trust me, the message was clear. I will always regret that letter.

What’s your favourite Thai dish? I don't know Thai food. I haven't knowingly tried anything from it.

Have you ever been on a date with someone you met online? How was it? I straight-up dated someone I met online for I think over two years. We were fine. We each just had too much going on mentally to keep each other afloat in the way couples should.

What sort of games do you like to play? Horror, fantasy, so long as the stories are great and the gameplay is fun.

What was the last candy you ate? I can't even remember.

Do you know anyone who is deaf? No.

Do you eat or drink as soon as you wake up, or do you wait a while? I get plain water, yes. I have to take my thyroid medication, then 30 minutes later, I can have flavored drinks and eat.

What's your favourite kind of Oreo? Double-stuffed.

Do you play any games on your phone? If so, tell me about one. Pokemon GO everyone knows, but I also like Dragons of Atlantis: Heirs of the Dragon. I liked DoA when it was an online computer game, and I enjoyed that more, but the app version is fine.

Do you have more male or female coworkers? I don't have a job.

What's the longest stretch of time you've spent completely alone? Somewhere around a month, when Mom was in New York while her mother was dying. I was very lucky I had some sort of video hyperfixation going on at the time, because otherwise that long alone would've driven me fucking mad. Mom herself was surprised I was fine the whole time.

Do you have the same color eyes as your mother? No, hers are brown and mine are a grayish blue.

Have you ever been put to sleep for surgery? Yes, and for a colonoscopy.

When was the last time you went bowling? I don't think I've been bowling since Girt and I tried dating the first time in like '17 and he took me there on a date.

Do you personally know anyone who is transgender? I know multiple transgender people.

Do you have piercings anywhere except your ears? How many and where? I have a vertical labret in my bottom lip.

What’s your opinion on leggings as pants? I don't give a shit.

Who was the last person you were in love with for more than a year? The person I'm dating currently.

Do you have a secret life? You could say that, I guess. I keep my online life under lock and fucking key, for no real reason other than rejection-sensitive dysphoria; I'm terrified of people judging me despite me not doing anything truly "out there." It drove my mom insane growing up, she was so convinced I was doing something immoral with how secretive I was and it resulted in a lot of fights, but I think she gets it now, especially as I've become more aware about my autism and open about how mortifying the concept of people judging me is. I've talked more about the topic.

Have you ever seen the last person you kissed without a shirt? Yes.

Do your parents know EVERYTHING about you? No.

Favorite thing to eat with peanut butter? Chocolate.

If you had to get a piercing right now, what would it be? Nostril stud. I want one, it's just not something we can afford right now. There are more important things that need monetary attention.

The last time you held a baby: Not since Emerson (my four-year-old niece) was just born.

Does your mom eat meat? Yes.

What would be your reaction if one of your parents said they were having another kid? My mom doesn't have her reproductive organs anymore. My dad is married to a woman who has absolutely gone through menopause. Neither are having anymore kids.

How do you feel about snails? I think they're adorable.

Are you physically affectionate with your friends? I'm a hugger, but that's pretty much the extent of it. I guess I'd kiss the cheeks of ones I'm exceptionally close to as a gesture of comfort, but idk.

Do you kill spiders when you see them? Absolutely not. I will ignore them or most often take them outside.

Would you ever adopt a child? Girt would like to adopt a teenager when we're a lot older, so I guess. I'd PREFER not to, but I'd take a teenager over an actual baby that I needed to more intensely "mom" over, if that makes sense. I might very well change my mind about it by then, maybe I'll thoroughly want to adopt too.

Do you like your name's meaning? No, it's boring.

Do you and your mom look like sisters? No. We look similar, sure, but definitely not like sisters. Her eldest child ABSOLUTELY does, like it's fucking scary how much Mom and Katie look like twins, excluding the apparent age difference.

Are you the same height as your mom? I think she's half an inch taller than me.

What subjects do you like to read about? Meerkats, reptiles (especially ball pythons/their care in domesticity), spiders, photography techniques and stuff.

Are there any (obviously fictional) villains you can't help but love? Darkiplier, but I mean, if you know the universe Mark created with his characters, is he REALLY even a villain lmao. Besides that though, tbh I tend to enjoy villains a lot, so. I just think they tend to be more interesting and Hot goddammit

Can you name a villain who you could kind of side with? ^

What color eyes does your significant other (or crush) have? (If applicable.) Brown.

Does anything around your home need repairing? Well, the car more than anything. It's been dead in the driveway. A couple of the wood pillars that hold our front porch up need some TLC too; the paint is super worn and one especially has a portion that looks like it was eaten at by termites, even though we don't see any, and it's been like that for years now, so if something WAS actively eating it, it'd be down by now. The dishwasher leaks at one corner, but not severely; Mom just places a towel there when it's on.

[dodo-begone]

Beware the Beast

Pairing: Yandere!Philza x Reader

Request: Maybe some yandere!philza headcanons? You don’t have to!

Word Count: 2k

Warning: yandere, swearing, talk about kidnapping, depression (kinda detailed on that aspect)

A/n: I accidentally turned this into a story- i really need to stop doing that. But I just couldn't resist! Also sorry if Phil is OOC. And this isn't proofread. We die like men here. Can be perceived as platonic or romantic.

This man has lived many years, lost so many loved ones. He’s getting tired of this cycle. It’s truly exhausting. You start to care about the world less. After a while, you start to see too many similarities in things, making it hard to look at. So he starts to close his heart to others. It’s just easier that way, for both parties. Saves him from the heartbreak and them from… well, him. He also stops caring for himself. After all, he’s literally immortal. Nothing can kill this man, so neglecting some self care routines every once in a while wouldn’t hurt…

But this becomes such a bad habit of his. He barely cares for himself after a while. It’s hard to find the energy when it isn’t going to matter in the end. Nothing matters anyways. Every action will always prove fruitless in the end. So what’s the point in doing something so... small if it takes this much energy? If a past version of himself saw Phil now, they’d be disgusted. Telling him to just get up and care for himself. Come on, you’re immortal. Nothing can kill you. Just do this.

He’s a mess when you two meet. His platinum-blonde hair was mostly neat, a little shaggy. It was obvious that he just got himself cleaned up a bit. One can only do so much about deep eyebags, dull hair, and lifeless eyes on such short notice.

You were introduced to him through Ghostbur. Phil was overjoyed that Ghostbur was making more friends. Though much less pleased when Ghostbur insisted that he’d bring his new friend over to meet Phil. Oh come on Phil, you’d just love them. They’re so nice! What tortured Philza more than his first interaction with you? His conversations with Ghostbur about you. He’d just prattle on about things you and him did, about how much fun you two had and how nice you were. Always nice.

And you were nice, an absolute sweetheart. But much too perky for Philza’s liking. You two had been chatting for quite a while when Ghostbur silently leaves you two together. Well, you’re chatting. Phil is just listening to you, hoping that you’d leave at any moment. Some topics were brought up; they were mostly some small icebreakers to get acquainted more.

When your past was brought up, you’d always paint this fucking picture-perfect past. So peaceful. God, the envy he had of you, of the peace you experienced in your life- He felt bad for it, honestly, he did. But he just wished he could’ve had even a fraction of the prosperity you spoke about. For someone living in the DSMP, you had a relatively easy and steady life. No war, no major or sudden loss or anything of that sort. A perfect life.

After that, you just kept coming back. Why? Why are you coming back? Are you here to taunt him for the life he lived? For the life he’ll never have? Is some god sending you as a punishment? A living example of everything he gave up, had to leave behind. That’s what he believed, anyways.

That was far from your intentions. You saw how he was in your first meeting; jumpy yet dissociating from reality. An oppressive, glum aura seemed to just emanate him. So downtrodden and dead inside, yet so obviously alive on the outside. It hurt to see him like that, as you went through something similar. You had no idea how long he’d been like that, but you decided that you’d help him in any way that you could.

You tried to make it a daily thing. Everyday you’d go to Phil’s house around midday to afternoon. You two would talk for a bit, but you’d couldn’t help sprinkling your questions in. Have you eaten yet, mr. Philza? Have you had water today, mr. Philza? Have you preened your feathers, mr. Philza? Have you bathed today, mr. Philza?

Your questions irked Phil. Everyday, without fail, you’d come and talk to him. It’d be small talk at first; what the weather was up to that day, some light politics, Tubbo’s new adopted son. Small. Yet you’d always bring up his self care. He was a fcking grown man. He could take care of himself. What’s worse? You’d pester him to care for himself in that instant if he even showed a small sign of negligence. And you’d stay the entire time, making sure he did everything. And then you’d always add “mr. Philza” on the end. It was a sign of respect, yet it upset him so much. But he couldn’t exactly pinpoint what it was.

Though it was annoying, it got him in the habit of caring for himself. It was only to stop your pesting! That’s the reasoning. The only reason. It wasn’t because you’re congratulating and giving him treats when he remembered to care for himself. Or you petting his wings… Those were only bonuses! He swears!

It becomes more steady as time goes on; you go and visit Phil, you talk with Phil and see if he’s caring for himself, and if he was, you’d reveal a delicious treat from within your enderchest. You two would talk while munching on the food, having fun sharing what your pasts were like. Well, more like yours. Phil didn’t really talk about his.

But he still seems so cold, disinterested. Even with how long you’ve been going over for. Like he’s only listening to what you’re telling him. If he’s even listening. And seeing how he interacted with others like Techno and Ranboo, it really disheartened you. He was so much more lively with them, more natural. Loud laughing and silly little antics. It only took a few small, insignificant depression episodes for your self doubt to finally debilitate you. Though it only really affected your contact with Phil; he was a big insecurity of yours.

So you start to distance yourself. You were hurting and saw yourself as a bother to Philza. It would’ve been better if you just didn’t try to talk to him anymore. He’d be so much happier without you bugging him all the time. All of this sudden, open time gives you much more empty hours. There was nothing to do. So you did what you could; you went out to make or strengthen friendships. It was so nice. You never realized how everyone on the smp was so nice. Maybe they weren’t as bad as Phil was making them all out to be…

Philza was upset the first day you weren’t there. You were such a steady element of his day. You were like the very air he breathed; it was extremely hard to live without you. He never noticed before how much he needed you. Yes, he knew that he really enjoyed you, saw that you were a pillar, a constant in his life. He came to enjoy your visits, but hadn’t realized how dependent he became because of them. It was day three when Phil started to worry about you. Why hadn’t you come to talk with him, like usual? He’s taking care of himself, just for you, just like you kept insisting he do. And he made you some cake.

He knew he was acting odd, lovesick even. His love for you was toxic, extremely so. It wasn’t healthy, yet he couldn’t care less anymore. You were like his nicotine to a smoker; he couldn't live without you being in his life. His everyday life. So after some debating, he finally went out to look for you.

Traversing the nether wasn’t too bad, but still a tedious walk. He was stuck in his mind the entire trip there, wondering where you could be and what you could be doing. Maybe you got caught up in making something. A redstone project? That’d be pretty cool. Or maybe moving? No, if you were, you’d have told him. But that didn’t stop him from speeding up just a wee bit. Just to make sure you were actually still on the smp.

His mind was racing, thinking of any possibility of what you were doing. And his mind eventually hit something that absolutely terrified him; you could be sick, injured, or dying. It felt like the world just fucking stopped. This was a sudden loss of contact and you still hadn’t come to talk with him. So that… that means there’s a high probability of you being in danger.

He ran the rest of the way to the main part of the smp. When he came out of the portal, he frantically looked around for any sign of you. For your house. Then it hit him; he had no idea where you lived. You only mentioned it being cold where you lived, just like where he lived. So that most likely meant Snowchester. He started running toward the cold nation

On his way to Snowchester, he observed his surroundings. A little bit. He had to get to you, keep his eye on the prize. And he was glad that he looked around. There you were, on another part of the prime path.

He was overjoyed to see you, especially doing so well. Soon he came to a stop. Just floored by the fact you were there, in front of him. Frantically he tried to view you as best he could, looking for any sign of injury or illness.

Now he couldn’t come across as clingy or desperate. That wasn’t how you knew him. You know him as Philza; the kind but a mild social recluse. Not really going out to others unless he needed something or he was needed.

So he walked over to you, trying his best to look nonchalant. Like he wasn’t just desperately searching for you a moment ago. He called out to you and guess what happened? You started to walk away. He was stunned. Did you just ignore him? No, you must not have heard him. It was kinda windy out at the moment.

Logically he did the best option, following you. He had no clue where your destination could be. You were going to a different area of the smp than he had been. My how the smp changed since the destruction of L’manberg. He knew it changed, but it seemed so much bigger than what you described.

He didn’t exactly pay attention to where you were indirectly leading him. That was until a flash of movement caught his attention. Snapping out of it, he looked to see what could’ve been going on. Who could’ve been there. And what he saw before him was a terrible sight.

Quackity stood by your side, animatedly chatting with you. Phil was confused as to why you were talking to Quackity of all people. You two recently talked about how Quackity was problematic and arrogant. If you knew that, then why were you talking to him?

Awkwardly he watched you. Not within earshot, but where he could keep an eye on you and Quackity. And Quackity was looking at Phil too. His eyes spoke volumes; Quackity wasn’t pleased that Phil was there. Boy was that sentiment shared. It was tense between the two, yet you still seemed oblivious to what was going on.

Then Quackity said something, putting his hand on your shoulder and leading you somewhere else. But gave one last look at Phil, one that just spoke “fuck off”. Phil wished he could’ve told Quackity the same. To get him away for you.

Quackity’s action sparked a thought in him. A reason as to why you hadn’t come to talk to Phil; Quackity must’ve kidnapped you! Yes, that’s why you hadn’t come. It makes so much sense. Quackity knows you and most likely knows you talk to Phil.

With how easily you tell Phil of the people you’re talking to, he doubts that the behavior would just change. But that’s what must’ve gotten you in so much trouble; you were too trusting, too kind-hearted. You gave Quackity a chance and he was stealing you away, imprisoning you. You needn’t worry dear, he’ll rescue you from that foul man.

[thehomothings]

Analysis of Kite's conflicting moralities, relationship with death, and the toll reincarnation may take on one's psyche

So, today I decided to compile all the thoughts I have had about Kite's interesting worldview since the first time I saw him into one post, mostly for my own sake, really. If you're familiar with the few posts I've made, you know it's gonna be a mess, but hopefully a comprehensible mess.

A heads up, this is going to be spoiler-heavy, and very much deal with subjects of death and dying as a whole. Also, some of these conclusions are drawn from my own experiences and close brushes with death, I'm not going to go into much detail but it might get personal and definitely dark. I'm not even sure if I can call this a meta-analysis, and I'm obviously no expert, so mayhaps take all of this with a grain of salt.

Been getting into drawing lately, and during the more simple and mindless part of the painstaking process of dotting every single star in this, I let my thoughts wander through the latest part of the fic I'm writing, and I got a better grasp on what exactly made Kite such an elusive character to me.

I'm not quite sure why I got so attached to Kite. Perhaps it was the air of tragedy surrounding him, how despite his sordid past he remained still open and gentle even if outlined by a healthy dose of cynicism.

But sometimes, I think it's the fact that he is so paradoxical. He's brave, yet fears death to such a degree that creates a whole Nen ability around it, is a pacifist yet will not hesitate to spill blood for his own sake or someone else's. Despite the many ultimatums and warnings of 'I will not protect you', he gave his arm and then his life to save Gon and Killua. He approaches each hunt and battle with a clear plan of action in mind, but his Hatsu takes the form of a roulette that gives him random weapons which are never what he wants, but what he seems to need for that exact situation, which he cannot dispel without using. When he draws a weapon, the decision is locked in and his or his opponent's fate is sealed. That's why each time he dubbs his weapon a bad roll. Every time he has to gamble, he sees himself as having run out of luck. When it comes to having to choose between himself and somebody else...well, there had never been a choice. In fact his aversion to using it may feed into its sheer power that we, unfortunately, saw too little of.

Let's go over his very first appearance when he saves Gon from the mother Foxbear.

It's not hard to see the strain searching for Ging has put on him; he's rash, prone to anger and punching a child for daring to get into trouble. In his mind, he's failing at his most important task, has not yet earned the right to call himself a hunter despite being in possession of his very own hunter license.

After killing the mother Foxbear and raging about having done so, he says this interesting line:

So yes, he finds killing for any reason rather irksome as most would do, yet I think something deeper caused him to absolutely lose it in this scene:

He had not been aware of Gon's identity, and despite being an animal lover and a naturalist, he made a choice to save the human instead of allowing nature to run its course. In fact, he says: 'No beast that harms a human must be allowed to live.'

How does one weight one life against another? How is the worth of it determined? The value of life... an impossible choice he's faced with and a choice which he seems to regret to some degree.

The Foxbear cub.

Here, he's speaking from experience, a tangible loss he has felt himself, and a hard and bitter life he does not want to impose on the cub.

His backstory is exclusive to the 2011 anime adaptation but there are hints alluding to it in the manga, for example, the fact that he does not seem to know his birthplace, or:

The choice of words is chilling.

Reading between the lines, one could draw the conclusion that he is an orphan. Something supporting this hypothesis is how he visibly deflates after Gon tells him his parents have (presumably) died.

So we see he is willing to go against his own moral code of not killing as to not doom another living being to the life he led, a lonely, hopeless existence that could barely be called one. He saw it best to put down the cub rather than leave it to die a painful, slow death.

The reason Kite himself isn't as cynical and cold-hearted as one would be after witnessing cruelty in its rawest form is those small crumbs of human kindness which he may have found in Ging.

It was not only a chance at an honorable life being Ging's apprentice gave him, but it also 'saved' him from being broken and twisted into what he hated and worst of all, death.

If we take that one minute of backstory as canon to his character-which I find myself inclined to do- these quirks of his make much more sense. He lived on the run. He lived on the knife's edge between giving up or pushing forwards. He lived as so a wrong move could be the difference between survival and the end.

Between rock and a hard place creates a mentality of black and white, absolute good or extreme evil, this or that. Except in reality, it's much harder than that. Deciding who to save and who to strike down is a heavy burden to bear.

It's almost easy to see how struggling to keep surviving could lend itself to a crippling fear of death and subsequently developing a Nen ability which once more goes against his own moral code in order to give himself a second chance...yet something about it strikes me as unlikely when I look at it this way.

Living life knowing it could end at any moment has the opposite effect, at least for me it did. One comes to accept that it is fleeting and while not eager to let it go, when death eventually and inevitably does come, there is no fighting it.

Especially when there is no hope that tomorrow will be a better day than this one.

Frequent near-death experiences numb one's fear in a way, even if it drives them to take precautions that render it unlikely to happen again and results in c-PTSD, but still, it does. It sparks a certain nihilistic view of 'if it all can end so easily, then what's the point of it all?'

Unless there are things to live for, a sure promise of a better future, and Ging gave Kite that. When he faced the threat of losing his second chance at life:

Really, what else could lead someone to develop the ability of 'the hell I'm going to die like this'?

I think a separate event, an even more brutal near-death experience that almost cost him his life as the hunter he so strived to be set him off to develop the secret roll of Crazy Slots, what I call Roll No.0, Ars moriendi. Unlike other weapons, it cannot come up in random and is directly summoned by him, or better said, summon by his overwhelming will to keep going and hopelessness of fighting a losing battle. I don't believe roll No.3 was the weapon that allowed him to reincarnate. I've named that one Wand of Fortune, a sort of armor instead of an offensive weapon since I find it hard to believe Kite, a Conjurer, would not focus on defences as well, and I will go into both mechanisms of these weapons hopefully in his backstory.

Despite knowing this battle to be a pointless one and being acutely aware of his soon to be demise, he did not immediately draw Ars moriendi, no, he stayed back and fought for the sake of the boys, kept Neferpitou occupied until they could reach safety. We can see evidence of this in the aftermath of the battle that seemed to have gone on until dawn, a torn apart landscape only signaling a fraction of the devastation that was Kite's power unleashed. It still wasn't enough.

In the anime sub I watched, when Gon apologizes to Ging about Kite's death, Ging said a sentence that infuriated me, because it belittled the utter suffering of the NGL trio.

"He would not die in your place." (No screenshot, sorry)

And I remember practically shouting at the screen, screaming 'how could you possibly say that? Of course he did. He absolutely did die in their place. How could you not know your own apprentice? Why-'

It was only last night that it hit me why Ging would say that.

Once upon a time, maybe Kite would not have given his life for anybody under any circumstances, even if he had a way out of it all. He would still need to die to come back to life.

His Thanatophobia could be attributed to the (possibly untreated) PTSD of the near-death experience in his later life, being so certain of dying that finding himself alive afterwards drove him to never want to go through that again. He quieted his fear by creating a sort of a loophole, that even if he lost the battle he would remain. Ging remembered that, but as evidence shows, something changed. Maybe he healed a bit, perhaps growing up dulled his fear to a certain degree, but eventually when it came down to his life or another's, he didn't choose himself.

Now, I can hear you saying 'but he didn't die, so what are you going on about??' And so I reply: Yes, he is alive, but he did die. He experienced that painful, horrible moment of staring death in the eyes and thinking 'This is it, this is the end', went through the actual process of having his soul removed from his body. And that moment stretches into infinity, ten lifetimes condensed into the mere seconds before oblivion.

Dying isn't so hard if one stays dead.

It's not so easy to open one's eyes and find oneself alive again after that, no matter how much that is the heart's desire. It's difficult, nigh-impossible to reconcile with life and walk amongst the living when everything had been so final, when death had been accepted to its fullest.

So Kite awakens, the twin of Meruem and back from the dead, his mind and identity both intact and fractured. In that he is Kite is no mistaking, yet he is not the same gentle pacifist whose first reaction upon sensing a monster's aura was to shield two kids from it at the cost of his arm.

I don't think many of you are familiar with Zoroastrian ideology, but Togashi is known for loving his religious imagery, and it's not only Christianism he derives inspiration from (evidence of which can be seen all over Kite's character and resurrection).

In Zurvanism-a branch of Zoroastrianism- there is talk of the twin spirits: Ahura Mazda -epitome of all that is good- and Ahriman -epitome of all that is evil-, the parent god Zurvin decides that the firstborn may rule in order to bring "heaven, hell, and everything in between."

Upon becoming aware of this fact, Ahriman forcibly tears through the womb to emerge first. Sounding familiar yet?

Zurvan relents to this turn of events only on one condition: Ahriman is given kingship for 9000 years, and then Ahura Mazda may rule for eternity.

Meruem ruled for 40 days, his death leaving the throne vacant for ant Kite, wearing a dead girl's face and seeming to be brewing some nefarious plan. No more is there any sign of that unrelenting pacifism and the sanctity of life he held so high, losing his own may have only served to show him how meaningless the pain and suffering he went through had been, dying only to be reborn as a member of the species that killed him. It may be that he has no desire to rule over the remaining Chimera ants or create an army of his own-

Yet I dread to think what a broken mind possessing limitless power might do to the world.

And that's it. If you made it this far, thank you for reading! If you found it interesting, stay tuned, as I think a lot and I will make it your problem.

[raendown]

I return from the dead with a fic that isn't even for the Naruto fandom and I don't really have an explanation for myself.

Pairing: SamBucky Word count: 2317 Fandom: MCU Summary: Visiting Steve was always strange now that the guy was old and retired. Still, of all the things Sam expected out of today, witnessing a prime example of gay panic from the co-worker that's been mysteriously avoiding him was not one of them.

Follow the link or read it under the cut!

KO-FI and commission info under the header!

Honestly, the fact that Steve's house smelled like prunes was probably one of the funniest things that Sam had ever heard in his life. More than anything he would have loved to go back in time, to the days of reading about glorified heroes in history textbooks, and tell his fifteen year old self that Captain America, Steve Rogers, retired in a house that smelled like prunes. God, his best friend just had to throw himself in to being old the way he threw himself in to everything else.

"Is there a special reason for you visiting?" Steve's voice was more tremulous these days, less steady but no less warm. Just hearing him again after the shameful amount of weeks it had been since his last visit made Sam grin.

"Nah, just thought I'd pop in and see if you'd expired yet. Your birthday's coming up. Gonna be, what, three hundred? A thousand?"

Steve narrowed his eyes but there was fondness in them so it wasn't very scary even if he could probably still tackle Sam across the room if he wanted to. At this point it would hurt him too but he could do it. "You, young man, are-"

He looked chagrined at himself when Sam cut him off with a laugh.

"You shitting me? Did you really just call me young man? See if I ever let you live that down."

His friend grumbled but accepted the teasing as his due. That was just what he got for going back in time and doubling down on being so much older than his own best friends.

Since it had indeed been a little too long after they last saw each other there was quite a bit of catching up for them to do. Over cool glasses of sweet tea and a plate of cookies the two of them spent a pleasant couple of hours shooting the shit until Sam could almost forget the years that stretched between them now. It was jarring, sometimes, looking away from those clear blue eyes to realize all over again just how many wrinkles they were set in. Sometimes he hated it. Other times he could only smile to know that at least one of their ragtag bunch had found the peace they were looking for.

Eventually all that sweet tea went right to his bladder and Sam excused himself to use the bathroom. When he returned he took in the sight of his friend all snug under one of the blankets his late wife had knit and sighed, feeling maudlin suddenly for no good reason.

"I should probably get out of your hair," he said. "Let you get in your afternoon nap or whatever. No, stay there man, I'll clean up." His smile was easy as he snagged the dishes from their grazing and hauled it all over to the kitchen.

"You sure?" Steve's voice floated after him. "Nothing else you want to get off your chest?"

"Huh?"

Sam frowned at the cups he'd just placed in the sink, running back through his mind. They'd talked about pretty much everything he could think of.

"You didn't mention Buck once, you know. I thought the two of you were friends now."

"Ah. Yeah. So did I." The corners of his mouth twisted with a little bitterness, a little confusion. After everything they'd been through and the number of times Bucky had accepted his invitations down to Delacroix he'd thought they were well past the point of calling themselves friends. Maybe he himself felt something a little more than that but he knew better than to push.

That was probably why Bucky's sudden radio silence hurt so much though.

"Trouble in paradise?" Steve called from the other room and Sam snorted.

“Shit, I don’t know. One minute we’re fine and the next he just up and disappears on me again. I may or may not have checked a bunch of obituaries for your name just in case because I have no idea what I might have done to piss him off.” Sam pursed his lips. He’s already gone over all this with Sarah a half dozen times and in all the recounts he’d done of their last couple missions he still couldn’t find any particularly bad moment between him and his best friend. Unfortunately the sweet tea he was glaring at didn’t have any answers either so he snatched the pitcher up and moved to put it in the fridge.

“Have you tried, oh I don’t know, asking him what’s wrong?”

“You think I didn’t try that?”

Steve’s hum drifted down the hallway with a distinct note of sass. “Neither one of you is very famous for your communication.”

“Excuse you, I was a counselor. A certified veteran’s counselor. Communicating with people was literally my job until your overly buff ass came running around all ‘on your left’ and ‘everyone I know is trying to kill me’.” Sam huffed as he snapped the fridge closed. “I damn well tried to talk to him but he’s not answering my texts or my calls. Short of breaking in to his apartment I don’t really know what else you want me to do.”

Without any other excuses to keep him in the kitchen Sam heaved a sigh, knowing he couldn’t dawdle any longer. He could only get to the door by going though the living room so his choices were either run away out the back, which he would never ever hear the end of, or go back in to the living room and face Steve with his stupidly wise and knowing eyes. Seriously, let a guy live to almost two hundred and suddenly he thought he knew everything. Annoying was what it was.

He was only halfway down the hall when he heard the front door open. Sam very carefully swallowed down the jibe he’d just been about to deliver and hoped that meant what he thought it meant. Maybe Steve had finally gone vague after all and bailed in the middle of their conversation; he’d rather chase a crazy old coot down the street than talk about his feelings regarding one James Buchanan Barnes. Actually if he looked at it from the right angle then chasing an old coot down the street was pretty much his job description whenever he and his partner teamed up on missions. Sam was just glad they hadn’t been called in to one since this whole silent treatment had started because he wasn’t sure he wanted to know whether or not Bucky would still have his back even when the guy was mad at him over reasons unknown.

Two more steps and Sam froze in his tracks, eyes wide with disbelief. Bucky’s shoulders were hunched in to himself with something bridling on panic as he fit himself through the front door and kicked it shut behind himself, eyes wild and fixed on the ground between his feet, nervous energy pouring out of him in a way Sam hadn’t seen before. From his spot on the couch Steve watched his childhood friend let himself in with serene indifference.

“Didn’t know you’d be over today,” was all he said. Then he smiled benignly when Bucky let out a soft whine.

“Help,” Bucky pleaded. “I’m dying.”

Then Bucky slid down to his knees and face planted in the carpet, arms and legs splaying out wide. Steve hummed.

“You know,” he murmured, “no one ever believes me when I tell them you’re this dramatic.”

“Steve! I’m having a crisis!”

“I tell everyone you’re a drama queen and they just shake their heads at me.”

“This is important! You have to kill me, Steve. Or I’m gonna just- just-!” Bucky’s voice petered out with another extended whine muffled by the carpet that probably didn’t smell any better from that close up.

Crossing one leg over the other, Steve folded his hands in his lap with a great lack of concern for the ridiculous scene playing out before him. Sam remained frozen in the hallway, wondering if Bucky even realized he was there, but he got an answer to that almost faster than if he’d bothered to ask himself.

“What’s wrong, pal?”

“It’s Sam!” Bucky cried. His arms lifted up like wings to flail briefly before falling back to the floor in a boneless sprawl. “Please just crush my head or something. I can’t take this.”

“Ah, yes, I hear you’ve been avoiding him.”

Whatever kind of noise Bucky was trying to make, it came out sounding more like he was choking on carpet fumes. “Of course I’m avoiding him!”

“Now why on earth would you do that?”

“I want to stick my tongue in the gap between his teeth!” Bucky said, entirely unaware of the sparks that were suddenly running up Sam’s spine in the hallway. “Help me, Steve! I want to press my thumb in the little dimple on his back. He has a dimple on his back! Why!? Steve I want to hold his hand! What the fuck!”

Steve had both eyebrows up near his hairline and the most shit eating grin any human on the planet had ever worn when he turned his head to look at Sam. Frozen with his eyes on the figure currently panicking in to the floor, Sam paid him no attention. He was busy processing. After getting to know Bucky, inviting him to stay in Delacroix time and time again, the dramatics weren’t actually that much of a surprise. Obviously as they grew closer he’d gotten a number of glimpses in to who the real Bucky Barnes was under the grouchy veneer he presented to the world. Watching him starfish on the ground and whine wasn’t too far from what he’d already seen.

Hearing him say anything about his tongue in conjecture with Sam’s teeth, on the other hand, now that was a bit unexpected. More than a bit.

“I think Shuri called this ‘gay panic’ and honestly I’m in agreement,” Bucky went on mindlessly. “If I have to watch him go through one more workout and not grab his ass with both hands then I’m just going to rip both of them off. Who needs hands if I cannot grab Sam Wilson’s ass with them!?”

“You may be slightly exaggerating the situation, I feel,” Steve told him.

Bucky snorted. “I am not. I absolutely am not. Why is he so hot? And nice? I hate that. Except I don’t. Steve why is he so nice to me?”

“That might be a question you should ask him.”

“Oh yeah, sure, I’ve got lots of questions for him! Hey Sam, why are you nice to me? Hey Sam, can I lick your cheekbones? Hey Sam, how big is your cock?”

“Well. Not that I’ve ever thought to ask that myself but, alright. Go on, Sam, how big is it?”

Sam had just enough time to cross his arms over his chest and assume a very casual pose leaning against the wall beside him before Bucky’s head shot up off the carpet. If possible, his eyes were even more wild than before when he fixed them on Steve, full of the deepest betrayal. Then he very slowly dragged them sideways to see the man he’d just been panicking over. Sam gave him a very friendly smile.

“Depends on your frame of reference,” he admitted. “I’d say sizeable.”

“Nnnggggg.”

“Hi Buck.”

“Ggnnn.”

While Steve very poorly disguised a laugh behind one hand, Sam pushed off from the wall and sauntered further in to the living room. Bucky slammed his face back in to the carpet.

“Leave me here to die,” he pleaded in a very small voice. Sam tutted, reaching for the front door, only looking over his shoulder once he was halfway through it.

“Come on, Buck, can’t lick my cheekbones if you don’t get off the floor. It was a nice visit, Steve, but don’t be looking out your front curtains for a bit. I think I’ll let Bucky decide for himself what sizeable means.” He thanked god for the mercy of Steve’s house being situated out here so far from any other homes, surrounded on all sides by enough trees that you couldn’t see it from the road. A gorgeous little island of privacy. Sam was fairly sure he wasn’t the only one grateful for this, judging by the mad scrambling noises he could hear going on behind him.

Bucky’s voice garbled out something that sounded like ‘fuck you, thank you, bye forever’ and then Sam was listening to the slam of the front door barely a second before strong hands were wrapping themselves around his hips. He laughed even as Bucky’s face came in to view.

“Greatest assassin of several generations and you didn't notice my truck in the driveway?” he said.

“I may have been a bit distracted.” That was definitely a pout on Bucky’s lips.

“By being so hot for all of this”-Sam gestured vaguely down his own body-“that you literally ceased being able to function.”

He didn’t expect such easy agreement as the sheepish nod that followed his words. “Pretty much.”

Sam blinked slowly once, twice. For one long moment he considered teasing the man. Then he decided that their time was much better spent doing things they’d both obviously been wanting to do while assuming they would never get the chance.

“I was promised a tongue in my teeth. Are you gonna get to that any time soon or am I gonna sit here and pine some more for something I apparently could have had all along?”

Bucky keened piteously. Then he surged forward to follow through on his own promises and Sam really hoped that Steve had taken his words to heart about the curtains. The man was way too old to be seeing all the ways they were about to defile the side of this truck.

[lucarioisinthevoid]

I hate to be That Guy but I feel like the interaction with Dave {or whatever the thing in Hell is} was leading up to something. It's likely too early to ask for elaboration but I have no impulse control and not enough dopamine so I'm going to not so vaguely indicate that I want to see more if there is more to see. If there has to be a cast perhaps Mangle, Toy Chica, Ballora and of course Springtrap. If it isn't that deep, I'm sorry I wasted your time! Have a good whatever time you read this at.

(Absolutely be That Guy™, I LOVE That Guy™! Though frankly, I feel like you’re overhyping this, while I do have a bit of story around, it’s no good. Ah, whatever, there’s only like- 35 more days of this stuff, so it doesn’t matter if I write myself into corners. All these drabbles are EXCLUSIVELY written with zero brain, but still, thank you very much for that request. While I would LOVE to make a drabble with that cast, because it’s a fun one that crawls into your office directly, it wouldn’t be that lore heavy. So instead these people are just going to be cameos. Also, jumping forward in time by a fair bit Warning for a fair bit of torture!)

Time didn’t work right here. Time passed, but it didn’t. Not at all. He was allowed to drink and occasionally eat in the saferoom, but… Everything that would be an temporal indicator was gone. No natural light, no physical change coming from this body- At least he was still breathing and bleeding, but that didn’t make it much easier to define the timeframe he was in. Over and over and over. The night started over and over and over. He was growing more and more sick of it. The only interesting thing left… … was dying. It gave him the chance to talk to the animatronics- and to get to know the someone who was behind this place. The one he shouldn’t have killed. It was such a peculiar title. So pompous, it must have been made up by a child. But who the hell could that be?! There had been too many kids. The only really noteworthy ones being Lucas and Charlie. Yet it didn’t see like they were here- A meeting with the Marionette had been enough to prove as much. The day the words “I don’t hate you” came from the dangly creature’s mouth was the day he would simply vanish from the universe. And Lucas? Lucas was too kind, too hesitant- he had preserved his gentle nature, fighting only when absolutely necessary. There was no way he would create an entire torture location. Hell, he had even tried to ask Scott, but he refused to talk about it. All he guaranteed was that it wasn’t him. No, no, it had to be a kid- everything about this place told him that. He knew how kids worked and what they liked. A baddie that attacked you killed you within a second just because you didn’t watch his show? Ludicrous. And no, he wouldn’t talk about Toy Freddy. Some of the animatronics had nothing of interest to say- But many did. The real bothersome point that had been standing out to him was how… actually friendly the machines were. Yes, they HURT him, but they called him a friend, cracked jokes and their attacks oftentimes seemed like mere petty retaliation… as if they didn’t really meant for any permanent harm. In a world where nothing left permanent harm, their retaliations became rather vicious. An exception were the nightmares, but it seemed to be in their nature. Henry made notes where he could, as well as getting used to their method of attack and torture. It was a double win- … … yet he hated it. It frustrated him to have to invite some of them in. It felt filthy. Death was something intimate. If someone killed you, there should be some sort of purpose, some sort of connection there. It was another mark you could leave on a person. There was something appalling about offering your body, regardless in what way. At least to him. Alas, his blood was the only currency still existing in this world and at least he got to pick and choose when he would be torn to pieces, most of the time. By now he had become good enough. Good enough. Barely. Impatiently he clicked his nails on the table, quickly putting on the mask as the room started flickering. Toy Chica peeked through his eyeholes, grinning. “… and? Who has the honor today, Henryyyy?” “Not you.” “Aw! How unfair!” She pouted, looking out of the doors, trying to spot Ballora, who both of them could hear moving in the back. “We had sooooo much fun last time! What? You want Ballora to-“ “You testing out your cannibalistic fantasies is not my definition of fun, dear. And no. I need to talk to someone else.” “Pft.” Pouting she moved away, slinking back into the vent on the ground. “Fine! Have fun I guess. Better not let me catch you without the mask! Because if I get to win, I get to win, no exceptions.” “There will be no problems with that.” Henry quietly sighed, taking off the old mask. It wasn’t even a Fredbear mask. For some reason it was one of the most disappointing things about this place. Ballora drew close and he carefully closed the door on her, trying not to interrupt her routine too much. Nothing ruined a good melody like the sound of stomping doors. Today he wasn’t worried about the power running out. It all stopped once one of them entered. Everything stopped once one of them entered. A rule. Many rules. And none of them made much sense. Again his nails tapped on the table, anxious and almost angry. Mangle was probably already caught in a vent-snare… … but William took far too long to get here. William. Dave. Davetrap. Never mind that. Finally, the bemused mask of the rotten bunny appeared in the vents, staring down at him. “… having fun?” “… Dave. Good to see you.” Henry stared up to him. “We need to talk.” “Eh… I dunno…” Playfully Dave began crawling back inside. “I’m not in the m-“ “You can come in.” Instantly he had ALL of Dave’s attention, even though he wished he didn’t. It was always a little uncomfortable to see William overly excited, and usually he knew what exactly it was about at least- he wasn’t sure about this one. He wouldn’t put it past William to be elated over the chance to hurt him. Without repercussions. “Really?” His one ear twitched as he stared down, transfixed. Predatory animals, with two of their eyes in front. Human always have been predator and prey at once and Henry had known it from the very beginning, he had seen it in himself and others. It was merely more apparent in William specifically, him and his unstrained behavior controlled by nothing but instinct. “Really.” And yet still- this place was a hellish mess and his mind was just as much of one- it reminded him of back then, when William was utterly excited about an event. ‘Is it actually happening? Really?!’ Really. Pleased Dave laughed, loudly. An ugly laugh when you were on the receiving end. “I told ya, Henry. I told ya you’d do it.” “… you know me well.” Quietly he watched Dave move out, swiftly and nimbly- “… and you seem to know this place too.” “Is that why ya let me in?” “… not only. But I might as well ask you while you are here, correct?” “Hm.” His eyes wandered over Henry’s body. Probably wondering which limb he should separate from his body first. Henry shuddered. Dave got comfortable in front of the office table, smiling. Everything else had gone quiet, the power not even being visible anymore- But the timer was. Midnight. Putting his feet on the table and leaning back on the little chair that he had gotten from who-knows-where, the cyborg grinned.”… alright then! I was worried you’d might be disappointed, since I don’t know anythin’ about this place!” “You do not?” “Nah.” “… then how did you get here?” “Uhhhhh, probably for the same reason you’re here?” “… but you did not DIE.” “I didn’t?” Frustrated the Pink Guy leaned back too, taking a deep breath. This wasn’t going anywhere. “… what is the last thing you remember?” Cheerfully Dave giggled. “I don’t remember anything! Never had any memory! Head empty!” Henry wasn’t stupid enough to believe that. Dave liked messing with others- play-pretend stupidity that was aided by his genuine habit of being rather emotional- but they had spent far too much time together to have that work. “… I know you are lying.” Instantly the mood changed, even if Davetrap didn’t change the slightest bit about his pose. “Ah! Ya do? Or do ya just think ya do?!” Again he snickered. “Either way. I don’t know anythin’ that could be useful for you.” “Maybe I am not out for anything useful? Maybe I am simply worried about you and how you have gotten yourself into a suit?” Dave laughed, loudly, but Henry continued. “… do you need my help to get out of it?” “No.” It was cold. And Henry responded in kind. “… see that is how I know you are not down here for the same reason as me. So why are you here? Why would the one I should not have killed brought you here…? After all- you and me, we most likely killed him together.” Tilting his head slightly, the other guy inspected him and for a moment Henry tensed up, expecting to be attacked- but Dave simply relaxed, changing his pose, allowing his legs dangling over the side of the chair. “Hey, Henry! Did ya miss me?” All smiles and ice cream. “… it seems pretty lonely and borin’ in this office. And it feels like we haven’t talked in a long time…” For a moment the Pink Guy stayed quiet, watching the other one, who continued. “We’ve done so much fun stuff together! This place might not be all that bad if we stick together, right?” He paused. “That of course only means anythin’ if ya WANT to spend time with me. If ya miss me when I’m gone. So. Did you?” Slowly Henry stretched his fingers. “… of course I missed you, Dave.” Both of them watched each other, the air prickling. Then, once more, Dave was laughing again. “That’s why I like you, Henry. You can do such pretty things with your mouth and mind. Sayin’ JUST the right things. I always love when you talk to me. Or about me. Everything you say is like a charm, making things so much better than they actually are. The thing is- Henry- with a gift like that, I can’t ever know if ya MEAN it.” Leaning in, Davetrap inspected him, his big, white eyes almost all-consuming. “… if ya missed me, how come you’ve spent time with anybody but me recently? Ya invited plenty of people into the office. Despite knowing I was the one asking POLITELY for it.” Ridiculous. … yet Henry had to play along. “Please, remain calm my friend. I was talking to them first, because I was gathering intel. Last time I was not informed enough, and you seemed… displeased. Was I incorrect?” It was amazing how much emotion this mask could still show. Just below the rotting maw, the little shine, a grin and not a fun one, judging by how it didn’t reach his eyes. “You have an excuse for everything, don’t you Henry?” “Or perhaps I am simply being genuine and elaborate on my feelings and decisions as you ask me. You on the other hand seem rather hostile today. Would you like to explain why you are so aggressive towards me?” Both of them looked at the other, and while they couldn’t walk in that perfect circle that pacing and threatening humans always seem to fall into, their bodies still conveyed the same. Then, once again, Dave tilted into the other direction, his large ear following suit, smiling. “Aggressive? I ain’t aggressive, Henry! I’m just curious! Quit bein’ so tense all the time!” Slowly losing his patience, Henry rubbed his temples. “Okay, then. I do believe you are at least partially real. But logically you must have arrived from a different timeline than me, one where you died and got put into a suit. Why would you be so mad at me however?” Standing up from his chair, Dave slowly moved over, as Henry turned as far to the side as he could to keep an eye on him. “Ya need a massage, Henry.” “You know I dislike to be touched.” “Welp, is it MY fault you’ve made yourself so tense that you now need a massage?!” Offended the animatronic stopped, leaning down to him. Smelling like oil and peppermint. “Ya really should let me do what’s best for ya.” That WAS a threat. … at least if this thing snapped his neck, it would be quick, painless and unpersonal. Slowly and quietly Henry breathed out. “… alright then, Dave. Please continue.” Yet, even if he had made the agreement, didn’t mean he wasn’t nervous about it. When the fuzzy fingers touched his shoulders he almost jumped, drawing another, somewhat sadistic chuckle out of his former friend. “It’s funny to see ya like this.” “I live to entertain.” Yet another chuckle. “… ya sure do.” The fingers starting massaging, digging themselves into and against the muscles causing Henry barely anything else but pain. Sure- him tensing up his shoulders didn’t help at all, but he couldn’t react any other way, the impulse to tense up was simply bypassing his brain. The other man behind him was simply humming his favorite melody. In the hall of the mountain king. “… remember when I taught you how to play it?” Trying to relax Henry began reminiscing. “Hmmm… yeah! That was fun! I dunno why people didn’t try to teach me an instrument before that, I think I would have really loved learnin’ it. Good that I met you!” “Indeed. Good that you met me.” … there was discomfort, a genuine feeling of worry. Fear? Was this fear? A fear not caused by the direct expectation of physical harm, but instead by- By what? He was probably just- not really comfortable with the thought of not having William in his grasp anymore. William was like him- and that was why he liked and why he despised him. Whatever came into William’s head, he would do and there was nothing Henry could do to prevent it. Part of him would be somewhat relieved if Dave just- murdered him right here and fast. … giving up so early wasn’t really his thing however. “Will- Dave.” “Yeah?” The guy was still squishing and mushing away at Henry’s shoulders, seemingly not caring THAT much about actually relaxing his friend. “What’cha want?” “… I only wanted to ask… do you like it here?” For a minute or so Dave paused, really thinking about it. “It ain’t the worst. I get to play with ya, no fuzz, no more havin’ to try and shut down Freddy’s or kill kiddens.” Slowly his focused back on Henry, his next words deliberate. “… don’t ya think so? Immortality and animatronics, what’s not to love? Sure, the torture is a lil’ sucky, but hey, ya said you’d do ANYTHING to become immortal.” Something scraped over the back of Henry’s mind. Was Dave being manipulated to comply? Sold a false image of perfection? … or was he simply trying to torment him, trying to fool him into thinking that he ever asked for this? Either way. Leaning back, Henry tried to look at him, choosing his next words carefully. “… while I appreciate my robotic works being with me and having no reason to fear death- I do dislike the repetitive loop at the unending threat of pain. I feel… bored. Do you not sometimes wish for variety?” “Everythin’ is a loop, Henry. Ya gotta be happy with the loop you get stuck in.” “… you need more ambition, Dave. Accepting and endless repetitive cycle is almost as low as accepting death. There is no perfection to be found in remaining with the same variables.” Dave sighed and retracted his hands, causing Henry to sit up straight. “It’s fine. It’s fine. You’ll never be happy.” “Excuse me?” “… what would ya still want, Henry? What is it that you’re lookin’ for right now?” “I-“ Shortly Dave leaned over to check the clock. “Whoops! Five AM.” Pleased he turned his head to Henry, who had stood up as well, trying to get some distance between them. “Ya know the rules! I’m inside, I gotta… keep ya busy. Give you a bit of a slap around.” “You will hurt me.” Henry’s voice was blank. He wasn’t really surprised. But the Springbonnie just shrugged. “Oh, well- I never said I wouldn’t. I said I’d help ya. Which I will!” Taking out his array of tools, from within the damaged parts of the suit. Of course Henry was familiar with them. Acid spray, a tool with sharp edges to scoop anything out, knives, a tool to part the tissue when needed- Cleaning. Disinfecting. Getting out an infestation. The psychopath was giggling to himself, as he sat the things down, Henry suppressing his desire to run away with all his strength. No point to it. It only would serve to make him look pathetic. More pathetic than he already was, in this senseless situation. “Ya know, I’m really happy I get the chance! Ya said ya were the Lord of the Flies… but you gave me the tools to get all the crawlers out. What will happen to ya? Will you be purified? Or simply emptied completely? Do ya think hell is there to make people into better versions of themselves?” No answer. He sighed, signing towards the chair. “Sit down again, Henry. I’ll make sure ya won’t die! Not even for a moment. You will see this procedure through to the end…” No escape. He knew the procedure. The body needed to be cut open, like an autopsy. This would lead to plenty blood going everywhere- William had never been a surgeon. Too impatient, too jumpy, too- careless. But after all, he didn’t try to put it back together- he wanted to clean it, fast and efficient. The stomach and intestines were first, cut open and then the lining was being scooped off. The stomach had nerves. Some of the rest of the organs thankfully didn’t. Eyes too, eyes had to go. The tongue as well- and then acid would be pushed up the nose, letting it sit there, Dave believing it would clean out the brain before he would have to drill into it. You would have to deal with less of a swarm exiting the brain like that. But before that? Heart and lungs. William was obsessively exact and radically reliable in how he did this section. He believed he had to be. There were no bugs crawling, no insects nesting in pockets of rotting flesh. But Henry doubted William cared. Nor did he himself care, as the all-consuming pain purged thoughts first- And mercifully, eventually, the life itself too.

[jokerhappylover]

Getting ready and escaping from the cops

Joker getting ready, leaving the apartment and escaping from the cops. His point of view.

Tonight is the night.

I'll be on Murray's Franklin show.

Like I said to Gary, this is crazy. Isn't it? For my whole life it was like nobody ever saw me, but now I'm going to be on TV. Not only on TV, but with the man that to me was a father that I never had. And today I have a chance, this one more chance to make people laugh with my jokes, the chance to meet Murray and talk to him. It's like a dream, or too good to be true. When they called me inviting me to be part of the show I wasn't even sure if it was real, but it is, I know it is. And as usual, this involves people make fun of me... Murray did... But forget it, tonight is the night.

I've already practiced my act, it's the most important moment of my life and I need to make a good impression. And it's not only about my act, I also want to look good. I wanna wear nice clothes, to fit in... I decided to be on the show dressed as a clown, but not as Carnival, a different look.

I did something I had never done before. I dyed my hair. I bought green hair dye and had a blast dying my hair, I was just enjoying myself for once, doing something new, dancing... I love how it looks, I already feel confident.

Then, the make up! I took my brushes and face paint and started applying it. It doesn't take so long to finish it, I'm already used to it, sometimes I'd feel lazy, and sometimes painting a fake smile on my face and having to put on a happy face to work while being sad would make me feel worse, it was like wearing a mask... Once I was at Haha's applying my Carnival make up and tried to force my smile, it hurt and I felt a tear running on my face.... But this time I was excited, I was really enjoying it and I was listening to That's Life. I first apply the white paint and after it I draw the red and blue part.

While I was still applying the white part and listing to 'That's Life' I heard a noise which interrupted me and the music, someone was in front of my door. I thought it could be the cops, but it wasn't them. But I don't really wanna talk about it right now, Randall is in the past now.

Anyway, after him and Gary came over, I kept doing the make up. My face was totally white, I already looked a little different, but it was time for the blue and red drawings. This time I wouldn't wear a clown nose, I would paint my nose red, and I drew the smile, eyebrows and blue parts different now, I really liked how it turned out, it looks like the Carnival make up, but still, it looks different, it feels different.

Now the clothes, the final part. I chose a green shirt, yellow vest and a red suit. First I put on the pants and shirt then the vest, and then finally the jacket, the jacket completes the look. Then I looked in the mirror, it looks so different, I look so different. I even felt like another person, or maybe it's a feeling that I had never had before... You know, for my whole life I've been shy, my experiences with bullies made me insecure of myself, but wearing this outfit and make up made me feel something I had never felt before, it gave me a big confidence and I even felt some kind of adrenaline.

I would just get ready and leave the apartment, but I couldn't stop looking at me in the mirror, dancing and making some face expressions and enjoying what I was feeling, listening to music. Then later I left the apartment, after taking a look at all the rooms and touching things for the last time. I've lived all my life there and I have so many bad memories... But it's over now.

I wrote a text on my journal, finishing it with "on Murray Franklin Tonight. Please watch!". Then I took the journal and the gun, I couldn't forget them. But also, I took Randall's wallet with some money inside it and my magic flowers and left the apartment. Then there I was walking down the hallway, heading to Sophie's apartment. I layed the walled on the ground in front of her door, I wrote her name on it. Then I took the magic flowers of my pocket and left it there. That's for you, Sofi.

I stepped into the elevator and left the apartment. Then I had to go down those staircases... Oh, the staircase. I've been going down that staircase for as long as I can remember... Going up the stairs after work was even harder, I had no energy and they would feel endless. But this time was different. I started going down the staircase doing some simple moves, I was feeling really good and music came to my head, a Rock n' Roll song that I heard on the radio. I got excited and then I was doing big movies, even kicking the air! Today is my day, tonight is the night! I didn't even focus on going down the staircase, I just wanted to feel the fun, and the feeling of finally being free. Free of everything.

But then, I heard someone yelling my name. THE COPS! No! Not now!! Why do they have do show up now? I start running, I had to escape! They are investigating the subway killings crime for weeks and I talked to them, made a story up, but they were still looking for me, but I never picked up the phone or was home. And they will NOT catch me today!

I was running trying to escape, good thing I'm fast but they were still seeing me, knowing where I was going. I even got hit by a car! It hurt but I had no time to waste, I got up and kept running to the subway station. There were so many clowns there, I started all this! Then I started to slow down when I was mixing in with the crowd of clowns, but the cops were still after me, and they managed to get in the elevated train. They were asking people to take the masks of, still looking for me, but there were so many people, I was escaping haha. Not today cops!

I took a guy's clown mask, he got angry and was going to punch me but he ended up punching another person. A fight started, I put on the clown mask. The cops were getting closer to the fight, closer to me, but I wasn't really worried about getting caught, I was going to escape from them, we were already at the another station and the train was already stopping, the cops were in the middle of the fight, unable to come to where I was. One of them ended up killing a guy, by mistake I think, then everyone was fighting with them, all those people against only two cops, poor them! All of them left the train, still fighting, the violence spilled out onto the platform. The cops were on the ground, the protestors were crazy! I laughed and took the mask of and danced. Bye bye cops! Then I left the station, feeling really confident, on my way to the show.

#joker #joker2019 #joaquinphoenixjoker #arthurfleck #jokerscenes #jokerscene #jokerfandom #fandom #clowns

[fortunatelyhauntedblackcherry]

Moonshine - A Beetlejuice Fanfiction 09

Warning: swearing (as always), BJ being horny, fire hazard.

The next day was monday, and every monday night since the girls moved together years ago was movienight. They prepared dinner together, bought a shitton of snacks, sat down on the floor in the living room and watched at least 2 movies. Most of the time they fell asleep during the third one.

So they were all in their kitchen, which had pretty peach-colored walls, a big window framed by curtains with various embroidered wildflowers on them, and olive green / beige french country-style kitchen furniture. Rei was making guacamole - which Sirius made quite a hard activity with all the jumping and whining for a piece of chips or basically anything delicious - while Sofía was talking about her business dinner from last night and Ari was sitting on the countertop, in the middle of the kitchen, eating Nutella out of a jar with a skull-shaped spoon. Minerva was laying beside her on her back, playing with a piece of breadcrust, getting occasional earscratchies.

- So I was like "No go amigo, I couldn't possibly share an exhibition with them" and my manager was like "why?" and I was like "because I'd have to be talkative and cute with them and man I couldn't" and he was like "but they are respected artists in the community" and I was like "yeah but they can't even use photoshop MICHAEL how could I work with people who are sooo past century"? - said Sofía, flipped her hair and took a sip out of her lemonade. - So yeah, he arranged the whole thing and now my coworkers for the next couple exhibitions will be not so known, but rising photographers instead of old people, isn't that awesome? - all of a sudden Minerva lifted her head up, pricked her ears and started to hiss in the entrance's direction.

Beetlejuice just arrived after his hunt for bugs in the winter garden. He was leaning against the entrance archway, and shaked his head in disappointment.

- I can't believe that you still hate me this much, you waste of fur. - the cat hissed harder. - What?!? Two can play this game, if you're not nice, I won't be either! - he pointed at Sirius, who let out one bark, then continued harassing Rei. - Look, even the dog got kinda used to me!

- I wonder what her problem is. - said Sofía while Ari pulled the kitty into her embrace.

- That's the point where you should tell them that "yeah she sees my demon buddy, yeah, we have a spectre, and I can hear him!" - said Beetlejuice in a girlish voice while he stepped closer to Ari. The girl stroked the slightly hissing Minerva, who was now laying on her lap. Ari licked her Nutella-covered spoon clean. Beetlejuice stopped in his movement and his jaw slightly dropped. He started to drool a bit. - Hooooly shit babes, it seems like you know how to turn my software into a hardware!

Ari blushed a bit and tried really hard not to giggle so she started to talk.

- ANYWAY... - that was way louder than she intended, so she cleared her throat - ...what did you do last night, Rei? - knowing exactly what happened to her poor sister (since after she got better, Beetlejuice told her everything), she was just curious if she would talk about the posession of her computer. Rei's ginger hair flew over her face as she turned to Ari and put the guacamole down to the countertop.

- Well you could say I was practicing poetry, since Robert Lewis Stevenson insisted that wine is bottled poetry, but to be honest after streaming I was just drinking and wondering what I wanted to be when I grew up... I'm sure it wasn't an anxiety ridden bitch disgusted by people with a wine problem, serving exactly those whom I disgusted by, but... - she put her hands up in the air - ...here I am! - she giggled as she turned to the fridge.

- So I suppose your "fans" were mean again? - asked Sof. Rei took some cheese out of the fridge, and scoffed while giving a piece to the very excited Sirius.

- Not mean, fuckin nasty. - she shut the fridge and rubbed the bridge of her nose under her glasses. - I mean, some of them spammed my IG DMs with requests of "please send me the bra you wore during today's stream, I saw the strap and I'm hooked", like... Ugh.

- Can't judge a man for wanting some lingerie from a pretty girl, that's my opinion. - said Beetlejuice while he hopped on the counter next to Rei.

- Jesus fuck people are weird... - commented Ari as she got off of the middle countertop. Minerva ran away to upstairs.

- Oh so that's the socially acceptable opinion now? Okay wait... - Beetlejuice cleared his throat and continued in a sarcastic manner, heavily gesturing while doing so. - OH YES PEOPLE ARE AWFUL UGH DISGUSTING EW HOW COULD SOMEONE ASK ANYTHING LIKE THAT EWEWEW. - his voice went back to normal as he looked at Ari, who just hugged Rei. - Was it good and totally believable? - Ari smiled and gave him a thumbs up behind her sister's back. - God I'm good! On the other hand, did I tell you that when I walked into Rei's room yesterday, I almost tripped on a bra? You could say... - he floated next to Ari's ear. The girl could feel his icy breath on her earlobe. - ...it was a booby trap. - Ari shut her eyes and bit her lower lip while smiling widely. - SERIOUSLY HOW ARE YOU NOT LAUGHING YOUR PRETTY ROUND ASS OFF, THAT WAS PHENOMENAL!!! - Ari let Rei go and went to one of the cupboards. Rei poured herself a glass of red wine.

- I don't even know why I'm getting upset by these kinds of shits anymore. I've been doing this job for years, I should be used to creeps. - she shrugged. - Eh, whatever, it felt nice to vent.

- And we're here to listen every time! - shouted Ari, head inside one of the lower cupboards, fistbumping the air. After some rummaging, she lifted her head out. - Hey guys, where did we put the ultimate bathbomb?

- What? - asked Sofía with a tilted head.

- The toaster. Obviously. - BJ slapped his knees as he started laughing.

- Gee, doll, that was good! Your humor is getting worse and worse under my influence and I'm living for it! - he scratched his head. - Wait, is that appropriate for me to say? Or should I say I'm dying for it? Since I'm dead? - he shrugged his shoulders. - I dunno both sound good.

After Sof got the machine out of one of the highest cupboards, Ari started making grilled cheese sandwiches. Beetlejuice floated right next to her and flashed a pretty evil, toothy grin. He wriggled his fingers while looking up at the ceiling lamp, which started to flicker. The girls quickly looked at each other but didn't say a thing. BJ giggled. Ari stuck the toaster's plug into the power outlet, which instantly made it sparkle. One of the sparkles fell on Ari's hand. She quickly got it away with a quiet "ouch", and looked at where Beetlejuice's very uproarious laugh came from. The angry face she made almost made the demon tear up.

- What? You thought I'd never mess with ya, doll? After seeing this face, I'll do it even more often, you angry little toddler you... - and with that, the lights flickered again.

- Am I hallucinating or did ya see that too? - asked Sofi, pointing at the lamp.

- Maybe it's just bad wiring... - said Rei, with a rather nervous chuckle. She didn't sound believable at all. - It's nothing to worry about...

- Oh so you think I'm nothing to worry about?! - said Beetlejuice with annoyement in his voice. - You underestimate me, little one. - he pointed at the chandelier in the living room and the lamp in the kitchen. They both started to shine and flicker in the same rhythm. The girls looked at each other.

- I'm pretty sure that's not bad wiring... I think... - one of the light bulbs in the living room shattered, stopping Ari for a moment. They all ducked as the light bulb in the kitchen exploded. - I THINK THIS HOUSE REALLY IS HAUNTED!!!

- THANK YOU! FINALLY! - shouted Beetlejuice, his eyes and his neon green hair glowing. - I'M FINALLY GETTING THE RECOGNITION I DESERVE!

- IT'S NOT, GHOSTS ARE NOT REAL! - shouted Rei, while trying to help Ari get hold of the angrily barking Sirius.

- It's scientifically proven that they are... - commented Sof.

- Shut up, I'm not superstitious like you two! I mean sure, weird things are happening in the house, like my PC acting strange, or the hairdryer sucking Sofi's hair in, but I'm sure there's a logical explanation!

Beetlejuice grinned like a maniac.

- Oh baby you really want logical explanation? You think there's any logic to ME? Then watch... This! - the demon cracked his fingers and chuckled as he looked at the plugged in toaster. Ari looked at the voice's direction and gasped when she saw what Beetlejuice was doing. The toaster's heating wires were glowing red hot, and an awful stench came from the machine. The smell of burning plastic.

- OH FUCKIN HELL!!!

- Who doesn't like a bit of electrical fire? - said Beetlejuice, laughing, looking at the infurious Sof. Ari quickly jumped up and started to go through the drawers quickly. Sof was quicker, she handed her the oven mittens, which Ari put her hands into and lifted the now flaming toaster.

- Okay... Now what? - Rei jumped up in panic too.

- What what?!?

- Where do I put it?!

- ARIADNÉ, YOU JUST LIFTED THIS FLAMING SHIT UP WITHOUT A PLAN?!?!?!?!

- I'M NOT A VERY BRIGHT WOMAN, OKAY?!?!?!? - Rei opened up the window and pulled the curtains back.

- THROW IT OUT!!! - Ari quickly threw the machine out of the window, into the birdbath that was under it. The flames started to fade and the girls let out a huge, relieved breath.

- Welp... I may sound like a hypocrite but... After this I think we're haunted. - Sofía and Ari both looked at Rei.

- You said, literally a minute ago, and I quote, that you are not superstitious like us two. - Rei threw her hands up in the air.

- I'm not superstitious! But I'm a... Umm a little bit stitious.

- Do you seriously think this is a right time for Office quotes? - asked Sof, with folded hands and an eyeroll.

- Hey this is how I cope! Toasters don't start spitting flames normally, man! That shit scared the living Hell out of me!

Ari bit her lower lip. A faint idea crossed her mind.

- Ummm... I think we should ask our presence what do they want. - the girls and Beetlejuice both looked at Ari with lifted eyebrows. - Sof, don't you have an Ouija board? We could ask them stuff and maybe help them out. So they won't cause trouble like this again. - Beetlejuice covered his smiling mouth with his hands.

- OHMYGOD BABES THAT'S A GREAT IDEA! I never tried playing with those things but...

- Okay let's do it. - stated Rei decidedly. - Sofía! Get your Ouija board. We're adjourning movienight. Let's ask this bitch what the everliving fuck is their problem!

[minimoni713]

Regret

"Y/N a normal girl,abused both at home and school doesn't find meaning to her life until 3 boys transfer to her school. She wasn't the type to trust people easily but she did,that was her biggest mistake.it becomes even worse when she hears the news of her dad remarrying, meaning she faces even more abuse.nobody knows the truth about her past,it's all hidden by the lies of the media.but is it too late when the truth is out?"~

This is a short kpop fanfic which includes members from blackpink,bts and got7. Whatever written about the members does not portray their behaviour in real life.

TW⚠️:does include self harm, suicide, bullying

This whole story is also on wattpad under the username "agustD_1013". And this part contains chapter 1-5 of the original story. Part two is under my account

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Part 1

Your p.o.v:

When my alarm rang I shot up, like a person from the dead. I just knew I couldn't be late. I rushed to the bathroom to do my morning routine as quickly as possible to avoid the consequences, but i guess that luck isn't on my side.

Once I laid my foot on the bottom of the stairs, SMACK, I got hit right on my left rib. I didn't dare look at who it was, instead I was open to their words and actions, by letting them in. The reeking smell of alcohol could be smelled, from which I knew it was my dad. I could sense more people's presence there and the beating got worse.

Suddenly it stopped. I thought it had ended, but no, I got the hardest hit on my back, I then realized it was Suga. He was the strongest hitter in the family. I couldn't take it anymore. I felt like I was dying there, I was totally empty both in and out.

After my so-called family was done they left me there like a piece of trash. Even though, because of all the beating the hits were stinging in my skin I got up and rushed to school knowing there would be more consequences if i got late.

Luckily, I got to school on time, yet I had to face hardships. I didn't bother to spare a glance at anybody, and neither did the students at school but if they did, they were of disgust. I could hear the students talking shit about me and some even threw comments on me;

"No wonder your family regrets having you", Jennie said.

Every student there started laughing at me. This was so humiliating.

(Narrator)

It seemed liked she didn't care, but the students never knew that their words were slowly killing her from the inside.

(Y/N p.o.v)

But the bullying didn't end there, I was abused once again physically by the school kids, just like my family. This time it stung even more, I was hit at exactly the same places as before. By now there was a whole crowd, yet no one offered to help me. I became the laughing stock of the school. And once again I was left alone.

Honestly, I didn't care anymore. All I could see in front of myself was to use the way to get everything out. I ran to the closest bathroom and took out my blade. Now cutting was a part of my daily routine. I slid the blade multiple times on my skin, by now my arm was fully covered in blood. I ran the water over my arm till all the blood was gone, and wrapped it. I made sure I didn't have any blood stains on my clothes and pulled down my sleeve. I reached my back pocket to take out my phone to check the time, seeing I only had 2 minutes to get to class. I ran, more like limped to class reaching just in time.

(Narrator)

Luckily, Y/N came to class when the bell rang, and sat down in the bottom left corner next to the window. Just then the teacher entered the loud, noisy class. He started with the registration, and was surprised that everyone was there.

"Okay students today we have three new students, please treat them well"

Right after he finished speaking three young boys came in, one by one each started presenting themselves.

"Hi my name is Mark"

"Jackson" he said winking to the girls

"I'm Bambam"

The other four of GOT7 already attend the school and are friends with the whole of BTS. All of them had the eerie vibe of playboys like.

Y/N had no interest in them, she was least bothered about what was going on. But as the three were wandering their eyes around, their eyes met with hers. All four locked their eyes for a good 10 seconds. Just by looking into their eyes she knew that they were harmful to her and no good. While the girls in their class were giving death glares to Y/N, she got the hint that she was in trouble.

The teacher surrounded Y/N by assigning the three boys' seats around her. The lesson passed through quickly and was coming to an end though she had the feeling that someone was watching her. That three pair of eyes were piercing through her.

When the bell rang signaling that the lesson ended she rushed out of the class to the rooftop only to meet with her brothers and their friends; the rest of GOT7. She turned around to leave but was a bit too slow as she was surrounded by all of them. Namjoon came up to her and whispered;

"How sad I got detention this morning because you were too slow this morning and don't you think you should get a payback for that?" with that he threw a punch on her face. One by one the rest joined, using Y/N as their 'punching bag'.

Meanwhile with Mark, Bambam and Jackson they had learned everything about this school; the classrooms, the drama, the students- and especially Y/N and her history. They were feeling suffocated in the corridors, with all the girls drooling over them so to get some fresh air they went to the rooftop only to meet with 11 to 1 bullying

Mark, Bambam and Jackson went up to them to stop the bullying only to get her brothers even more pissed. Bambam shouted

"Are you guys crazy or something, you guys must be sick?"

Junkook came up to him and spoke up;

"Since when did you care about weaklings like her? I thought you guys were one of us"

Even after that the three were still standing their glued to their spots when suddenly Jackson spoke up stiffly;

" Apologize to her now!"

At this rate her BTS & the rest of GOT7 were going mad. They let out small chuckles at the boys, who they thought as one of them. Jackson and Bambam were controlling all the boys to not get near her while Mark took RM to explain something. Y/N's lifeless body was still there. Their discussion was pretty long but towards the end a smirk appeared on RM's face. He came back to apologize to Y/N with the others confused, including you. They immediately left after that. Mark, Bambam and Jackson all had a smirk on their face, but when they noticed you their smirk disappeared and they helped you to the nurse and introduced themselves properly. Y/N's thoughts were lost, maybe they were not as bad as she thought.

The rest of the day went well for Y/N no one bullied her and she hung out with the guys. When school ended, she received a text from her dad to come home immediately. She was really surprised because she always comes home immediately after school and her dad is never home so he doesn't know what she's doing, not like she's doing something bad. Then she got the idea that her dad must be home now.

Y/N hurried home because she didn't want to cause more problems. She opened the front door and noticed two pairs of unknown shoes. When she came to the living room, she saw two unknown women staring at her. One of them looked the same age as her and the other in her mid 40s. Her father and siblings were also there. Her father called her over to sit next to him. She knew something was up, he never acted like this. The news he let out next was devastating, she was happy for him but she was heartbroken. He introduced the two as her to be stepmother and to be step sister.

From the corner of her eyes she could see them glaring at her. Like the others, they were not good either, they knew about her past and reflected on her depending on it.

Her dad and to-be-stepmother informed the others that they would get married within two days and everything would be ready.

The next two days, nothing special happened, but it was much better. Since the three; Mark, Bambam and Jackson moved her life in school became better and all bullying ended in school and her siblings stopped abusing her both at home and school, while her dad continued. Day by day they began to gain her trust and she continued to fall for their plan. Because for once she thought that at the end of the day there would be a meaning to her life.

Soon her father's wedding day came and it was time for her stepmother and stepsister to move in. But one strange thing she noticed was that her family treated her step-sister: Rosé as a princess. Although her family stopped abusing her, they still ignored her and made her do things for them. They liked her more than they ever did.

From the corner of the wall, Y/N looked at how her family was so lovely with Rosé until someone pulled her to her room. When the person turned on the lamp she saw that it was her stepmother.

"Isn't someone jealous? Does it hurt seeing Rosé get all the attention? "

Her stepmother continued the verbal abuse with some slaps on her face. But suddenly someone came in; Rosé.

"Mom I did it everyone has left the house, I don't think they will be back in a few hours. Now we can have some fun with her, "said Rosé.

Her eyes landed on something shiny; it was a blade on the corner bedside table. She grabbed it and began cutting into Y/N's body with her mother.

Y/N was begging them to stop. It couldn't be handled, yet she endured the pain. Till this day she wondered how she was not dead yet. After all the abuse and blood loss shouldn't she have been dead?

Rosé had a strange feeling, she knew this wasn't right but she kept going. She did not control her actions, they controlled her. In fact she was not the one who abused people but she was forced by her mother, stepfather and step-siblings, it was also because of Y/N's past.

Eventually all this ended and both of them left Y/N in her room lifeless. She couldn't move at all, but if her family saw her like this, she would have to face more things. So she went into the shower for not a hot but a long cold shower, knowing that her skin would sting even more than it already is if she showered with warm water. Even though all these bad thoughts about her mother and sister were there, she still had hope. Hope she got from the three guys at school who brought a meaning to her life.

When she was done, she got dressed, but when she was going to sleep she heard strange noises from her dad's room; of a man and a woman. But her family was not home. Then she assumed that her stepmother was with another man.

(Y/N P.O.V)

I thought I heard noises of a man from my dad's room, but according to what Rosé said they shouldn't be at home. That's when something lit up in my mind; She must be with another man. I wanted to see it for myself if it was true, and when I reached the room I saw everything. The scene was heartbreaking, how was dad going to react to this. But what I heard next got the worst of me. My emotions were just falling apart, I had none left.

(Narrator)

She wanted to see for herself if it was true, and when she was in the room she saw everything. Her mother was with another man who was not her father. "Don't worry, darling, I don't love him anymore, you know it's just for the company. I'll do the same with him and the company will be mine, "she heard her stepmother say to that man. Y/N couldn't take this stress anymore so she went to her room and fell asleep. Only one thought was wandering Y/N's mind right now; what did she mean by "do the same with him".

The next day, Y/N woke up and did all her stuff as she usually did. But before she went to school, she wanted to talk to her dad about what she saw the night before.

"Dad are you sure that the one you married loves you and not someone else" and with that she got slapped on her face. Her dad just sat there quietly. With the silence she assumed she would leave, so she went to school.

She met with Mark, Jackson & Bambam and went to class with them. The three were the only ones she trusted, if they disappeared from her life everything would be gone. The three knew everything about her while she knew nothing about them and their history. The school has become a safe place for her, at least it was better than home. She always had this eerie feeling that all students planned something against her behind her back, but she always shook it off.

She was in the corridor when a group of girls, it was none other than the queens of the school; Blackpink, came up to her and showed her a video. When it was over, she couldn't believe it, it couldn't be true. It was a video of Bambam, Mark and Jackson talking shit about her.

"You know Mark, Jackson and Bambam are just using you, they're just playing with you and your heart," Lisa told her.

Jisoo spoke up "Did you think anyone would want to be friends with a nerd like you?"

With that, the laughing girls left her there. She didn't believe the video, she thought the girls edited it to make her jealous. Since the three came into her life, she stopped cutting herself. Cutting herself was a part of her life, it was like a drug she was so addicted to. She had tried many times before but she couldn't get rid of her actions. The three brought a meaning to her life, the three were the ones who kept her alive until now.

Right now she was very confused, but she didn't want to stress out, so she went home. She couldn't think of anything else so she tried to sleep.

However, after barely ten minutes, she thought she heard several voices from the living room; she assumed it was her family. But it did not sound like several discussions but only one discussion, which her family never had. She was quite curious so she went down behind a wall to hear what they were talking about. Rosé had called an urgent meeting with her mother and step family besides Y/N.

"I called this meeting to make an important announcement, but not a good one," she said.

Rosé had a file in her hand that she handed over to her father and mother. They were quite confused which soon turned into a shocked face with several mixed emotions. Both had tears, but what was shocking was that her dad cried more than her mother. She soon announced it, the bitter truth.

(Rosé P.o.v)

I handed the file to mom and dad, I didn't have the courage to tell it first. But what shocked me is that mom barely cried. Just by looking at dad's face I could see he was broken. We aren't even blood-related unlike mom and I. It hurt for me not seeing my mom cry, it seemed like she didn't care. I could read her expressions, her mind was not here, she was clearly thinking about something else.

(Narrator)

"I suffer from a heart disease, we only have four days to find a donor. If not then I'm not-"she couldn't even finish her sentence when she bursted out crying.

All her siblings gasped in shock including Y/N who was around the corner.

"Don't worry we have four days, we have time to find the perfect heart donor for you," IU said comforting her. They loved her too much, they couldn't afford to lose another loved one.

(Y/N P.o.v)

Even though I didn't like her, I would never be happy about someone's death, especially someone in the family.

At this moment with all my family and school problems, I could only find two solutions; either to cut or to sleep. But a third popped into my mind that made a smirk appear on my face; both.

(Narrator)

She hurried to her room and, as planned, she slid a sharp blade over her already bruised skin until all her pain was gone. But she followed it with more pain by taking a hot shower this time, which made her fragile body sting. After a while, she got out of the shower, put on her clothes and made herself in bed.

[ethereals-angel]

Ethereal

/ — extremely delicate and light in a way that seems too perfect for this world. /

《 Ethereal (I) 》 《 Ethereal (II) 》 《 Ethereal (III) 》

You confidently walked down the halls, your chin up as a smirk played on your scarlet tinted plump lips, highlighting your outstanding features. Your long raven black hair easily flowed behind your back. Your ego boosted with every whispers about how beautiful you looked today, or about how you aced the exam when most of the school's population misserably, failed.

The thought reminding you that everyone are dying to be you, dying to be with you made you smile.

How cute.

You opened the door of room 88, a room only you and your friends are allowed to enter, the dim lighting welcomed you as the sound of their chatter stopped once they noticed your thrilling presence, "hey, missed me?"

The sound of their 'nope's','nah's', and 'not really's' flowed, making you roll your eyes, liars.

You plopped down on the comfortable sofa, resting your feet on the table as you leaned against Minseok. You reached out for a grape, popping it inside your mouth, "any news?"

"Sehun and his minions are causing trouble, again. Isn't he like... in love with you? Can you talk to that dumbass? He's getting into my nerves." Junmyeon, the 2nd in rank as you were the 1st, though, he's responsible in handling this kind of stressful, pointless situations because you have zero patience in dealing with it.

"No way I'm talking to that loser."

"Your dad said so himself, he wants no trouble." Ria said as she took a shot of liquor.

Strolling with a frown on your face, you managed to scare people blocking your way. You glared your way through, the annoyance and impatience evident on your face.

You stood in front of the football field, your arms folded against your chest with Ria and Joy behind your back, either playing with their hair or checking the look of their nails.

You rolled your eyes as people cheared for him. That dumbass has been playing quite hard since you step foot the field, sending you glances accompanied by smirks and winks which made you want to go sparring with his face as the target.

After the awfully long game, he approached you with a smirk as you faked a smile for him. Once he reaches you, he immediately planted a hand on your waist. You wanted to kick him so badly, but you decided not to, Dad wants no trouble.

You lifted your hand and played with the collar of his shirt in a quite sultry way, hiding the fact that you find his closeness pretty irritating, "so, when will you stop being a pain in the ass?" You said as you offered him a genuine-looking smile.

"I don't know, when will you be mine?" He countered as he was about to close the distance.

You placed your hand to his chest, stopping him from moving any closer, "do something I don't want you to, I'm going to break your neck." You smiled one last time before pushing him off you and stepping back.

You felt his eyes burning holes on your back as you walked away with a scowl plastered on your face.

You got out of that place with an exasperating sigh. "Where are we going?" Joy asked as she pulled out a small hand mirror out of her hand back.

"The library."

Ria pulled out a book and read, meanwhile Joy started answering her homework as your eyes wandered around for you have finished everything you had to do earlier today.

Your head titled as a boy wearing a pair of glasses and unstyled soft hair, lying delicately against his forehead caught your attention, he bit his thumb as his confused eyes stared at the book placed on the table in front of him. He's alone as he sat there with confusing invisible math equations floated around him.

"Do you know who that guy is?" You asked as a small smile formed on your lips as you continued on staring.

They followed your line of vision, Ria hummed, "Ooh, I know him. He's from my class, I think his name is Baekhyun or something like that, why?"

"He's cute."

"What? Are you into nerds now?" Joy snickered as she raised her eyebrow at you. You giggled as you continued on oggling.

Baekhyun, huh.

After some time, you abruptly stood up, shocking both Joy and Ria. You walked straight to the guy's table and sat down in front of him. A smirk appeared on your face when he raised his head to look at you, bewilderment written all over his cute features.

"H.. hi.." he stammered, pushing up his glasses that was drooping lowly on his nose, his smooth voice invading your senses, "is there anything wrong?"

"Oh," you smiled, "no. I just wanted to be acquainted with you." You reached your hand out as you introduced yourself.

"I... I know who you are." He said as he reached for your hand, his hands are a little shaky as it held yours, making you smile. "I'm Baekhyun."

"You know who I am?"

He nodded his head, his face filled with innocence, making you lick your lips. You have the sudden urge to touch him but you've just met and you didn't want to scare the poor boy.

Not yet, though.

There's a lot going on with your family's business, the illegal one, just to be clear. You're one of the higher ranks overall, as you were blessed with wits and talent in physical combat and not just because you're the daughter of the founder. Your friends are daughters and sons of your father's friends and partners which are one of the most powerful and important people in the world like your father. The younger ones are expected to take over the business soon enough.

Each and one of the gang have different specialties, for you, you're quite familiar with knives and the sharpest things you could ever think of. Joy specializes guns and other lethal weapons and devices, as for Ria, she likes using her hands, let's say, she wants it raw and bare.

Sehun is the son of your father's rival gang. Which makes him more unbearable for you. Though, it isn't anything serious as long as no one starts anything. The funny things is, they wanted you and Sehun to marry to merge the two most powerful gangs, fortunately, your father declined. You couldn't be more thankful.

Sehun isn't so bad, it's just you couldn't stand him, he thinks he owns everything and it annoys you because you own everything. And no, you don't like sharing.

All that, and you can't get the cute boy in the library off your mind. Days have passed by quickly and his little cute innocent face still lingered. You didn't know what it was but oh, don't you just want to taint him?

As if on cue, you saw him walk towards where his locker is located, you smiled, there he is. You carefully walked to him, leaning against the wall.

He was surprised when he saw you there right after he closed the door of his locker, you caught him gripping the books he's holding in his hands as he gulped, "h... hi.."

"Hey, Baekhyun. How have you been doing?" You said as you smiled sweetly at him, earning glances from the students around you, the thing is, you didn't care. He's finally in front of you after those painful days you thought of him despite only having one interaction with him.

"I'm... I've been well."

You licked your lips, "would you like some coffee after class?"

His eyes widened a bit, you wanted coo at him but you kept it in, "really?" His eyes blinked rapidly, his mouth slightly agape. His smooth voice turning up the fire inside your chest, you smiled at him as you nodded your head. "O.. okay.."

"Then, I'll wait for you here."

He nodded, he tore his eyes off you and looked down the floor, quickly darting out of your way. Your amused gaze followed him as he entered his classroom, smirking to yourself. Not ignoring the fact that he smells like fucking flowers. You sighed, what a cutiepie.

"You're really going for it, huh."

You laughed as you turned around to face Junmyeon, he has an accusing look on his face, silently asking you to tell him everything. "Well, can't get him off my mind, why? Are you jealous?"

Your friendship with Junmyeon has been filled with teasing, in any way anyone could tease. He's the closest male friend you have since you two have always been partnered up in missions. He's willing to catch bullets for you and you are to him. Well, literally since it happened once or twice. You've tried getting into a relationship once but it didn't work out, deciding it's better to stick to being friends for the better but that doesn't mean you didn't love each other until now. You love him and he loves you.

"Oh, come on, I thought we're already past that, missy."

You rolled your eyes, pointing a scolding finger at him, "don't call me that, I don't like nicknames."

He laughed as he puts his arm around your shoulder, leading you to room 88.

You leaned against the wall, your hand playing with the tips of your hair as you waited patiently. The door finally opened, catching your attention. Bunch of students got out, shocked by the fact that you're standing there, obviously waiting for someone. You raised your brow at them, making them almost run off your sight, you smirked.

Your eyes drifted from them to the nervous boy in front of you, his eyes shook as he looked at yours. You offered him a half smile, you nodded your head, signalling that he should follow you so he did.

You walked, bothered by the fact that he was behind you as he fidgeted, having so much space between you. You halted, making Baekhyun stop before he hit your back, his eyes widened by the action, "why are you so far away? Shouldn't we be walking together?"

He breathed, "I'm sorry..."

Your face softened, he looks so pure. You silently scolded yourself for scaring him, "don't worry about it. But walk with me, okay?"

He looked at you with soft eyes as he nodded. You continued walking and as he was asked to, he tried keeping up with you. You spotted the café few blocks from the school, going straight inside. You looked at him, he looked back at you with wide eyes, "what would you like to order?"

"No... I'll pay for mine," he countered as he shook his hands.

You raised you brow, smirking at him, "oh, no, I'll pay for this one."

He was about to say something but you gave him a stern look, immediately shutting him up. He nodded, "okay, then, you... you can decide for me." His voice soft and gentle, warming your heart.

What you felt made you nervous, you've never felt something like this for a long time. And you're feeling it for someone you just met? You groaned, "go, find a seat for us."

He quickly disappeared from your sight as he did so, you silently laughed to yourself, finding his behavior amusing and... interesting.

You placed the tray on the table, giving him his drink as you pulled out a chair in front of him for you to sit on.

As you settled down, you stared at this cute boy you couldn't get off your mind. You honestly didn't know what to say, this is the first time this ever happened. Oh well, I guess there's a first time for everything.

You sat and drank there quietly, choosing not to say anything until he cleared his throat. You gave him your undivided attention as you waited for him to say something. "Why... why are you doing this?"

"What do you mean?"

"Bringing me here... talking to me.." you squinted your eyes, trying to process what he meant, "I... I know who you are... I've heard about you.."

Your heart pounded, you knew you had a bad reputation, about your attitude, personality, name, that's why all of them are afraid of you, you and your friends. And you're completely fine with that, but somehow, you were nervous about Baekhyun finding you bad, even if you really are, you don't want him to think of you like that.

"What did you hear about me?" You tried talking straight, to come off as confident in his eyes. But inside, you're wishing that it isn't that bad. You wanted him to like you.

He looked down on his drink, avoiding your eyes, "that... that you were trouble. That I shouldn't be talking to you..."

That's when you felt bad. You didn't know why but you did. Is he going to stop talking to me, now?

Baekhyun looked up, panicking at the sight of you with a frown, he continued, "but... but, don't worry, I don't really believe them. You've been really nice since you helped me with my homework that day at the library... and now, you're doing this..." he blinked, soft eyes boring into yours, "I'm... I'm sorry for upsetting you..." he gulped, pushing up his glasses as he waited for your response.

"I really want to get to know you, Baekhyun. You're... something."

A smirk formed on your lips as he looked down, his cheeks blushing. You swore, he's the cutest thing you've ever seen in your life.

"I guess, we're done." You said as you removed the tight leather gloves clad on your hands, eyeing the different firearms and explosive in front of you.

You had to inspect these to make sure nothing's wrong before delivering it to your clients, with the help of your father's men. Though, they're not really needed because you have Junmyeon and Joy with you. The rest are enjoying their pingpong and arcade games.

"Why are you such in a hurry again?" Joy knitted her brows at you, smirking.

Junmyeon snorted, "oh, you know. Her cute nerd's waiting for her."

You shook your head, a smile playing on your lips, "I should go."

You drove as fast as you can, you cannot be bothered by the sound of horns, the shout of people around you, clearly complaining about you giving no fucks about rules, because you practically own this place. You didn't want him to wait for you any longer too, your cute boy doesn't deserve that.

You halted in front of the gate of your school, you saw him there. He stood with his hands holding the strap of his backpack, his eyes set on his foot playing on the floor. You honked the horn of your car, opening the window of the passengers seat to catch his attention.

He lifted his head, locking his eyes with yours. A smile slowly grew on his face, excitedly opening the door and sat beside you. You watched him fasten his seatbelt. Once he's done, he turned his head to you, chirping "hi, Raven!"

"Raven?" You asked as you raised a brow at him, finding the name he called you amusing.

"It's because of your hair..." he looked down on his fidgeting fingers, "I thought of the name because your hair is really... really pretty..." he raised his head, his soft eyes worried as it looked at yours, "don't you like it? I'm sorry-"

"No. No, don't worry. I like it."

You felt warmness fill your system as his face brightened up, finding his eye smile enchanting. He's like... the sun. He reminds you so much of flowers and the sun. How cheesy is that?

"So, what do you have in mind for today?"

He tilted his head, "I saw this movie trailer earlier! I think we should watch it!"

"So, movies." You hummed, "okay."

You drove off with your usual speed, you didn't really pay attention to anything until you heard him calling out your name. You turned your head to look at him for a moment, you hummed and waited for him to say what he wanted to say, "c.. can you slow down a little..." his scared tone made you smirk, "please..."

You decided to tease, speeding up a little more, you heard him yelp. You chuckled, "okay, okay. Calm down, pup."

Once you arrived at the cinemas, you were suprised by the fact that he held your hands and dragged you the ticketing booth. No one has ever dared to hold your hands. Damn, not even Junmyeon. Because you never let them, but here you are, willingly letting him intertwine his hand with yours.

What was happening to you?

You squinted your eyes at the sight of the movie poster he bought two tickets for. It's a colorful one, with the male and female lead stars, you assumed. So this is going to be romantic? You inwardly groaned. This will be painful, you thought.

You sat there with Baekhyun as you waited for your turn to watch. It is supposed to be over because people started coming out of the door, you heard him clap his hands, making you turn to him, "I'm so excited." He told you, his eyes shining as he held his hands together. You smiled, maybe you can get through this.

You can't.

This movie is so fucking cringey. You wanted to leave and slam the door as you do so. You bit your lower lip as the stars did some lovey-dovey shit you couldn't even look at. You decided to turn to Baekhyun instead since he's got such a lovely face, you wouldn't mind staring for the whole day.

Your half-lidded dark eyes glistened as it stared at the sight of him focused on that stupid movie, it felt like butterflies and sparkles are flying around him as he grinned beautifully. You got lost at the sight, how can a man be this beautiful? You tilted your head to see more of him, his facial features are so soft, you thought. His eyes, his lips, his cheeks, oh don't you just want to kiss him and ruin him all over?

You smirked, "soon."

"Did you enjoy the movie?"

You hummed, offering Baekhyun a smile, "nope, the movie, not at all. I quite enjoyed some other things."

He giggled, "I knew you wouldn't..." he cleared his throat, "thank you for sticking with me, Raven." He said as he looked down the floor.

You hummed and patted his head, messing up his hair a little bit as you do so, "but we're going to watch another, though."

You were smirking at the sight of the serial killer doing what serial killers often do, you chuckled at the sound of people around you giving off sudden gasps and little surprised yells as they watched.

You turned your head to look at what Baekhyun's been doing, your eyes softened at the sight of him looking so frightened, slightly covering his face with the box of. popcorn he's holding. When he felt your eyes on him, he swiftly turned and looked at you, his puppy-like eyes glistening with light tears, his soft lips in a pout-like frown. You cooed, lifting up the barrier between the both of you and opened your arms widely, inviting him in. He immediately shifted, placing the popcorn aside and hurriedly leaned against you, his beautiful hands clutching the shirt you're wearing. You wrapped your arms around him, rubbing his back to comfort him as he burried his head onto your neck, slightly tilting his head so he could still watch the movie.

You sighed deeply, taking in his scent you've grown to crave, when did you become this soft?

You've been spending more time with him, lately. You didn't know why but there's something about him that pulls you. He's different from what you're used to. He makes you feel peace, calmness whenever he's around. There's nothing special, really, when others look at it. But for you, everything about him is special. Every simple action he does just gets you, whenever his glasses fall lowly on his cute button nose, maybe the way he runs his hand through his hair, not caring about how it would look but lies perfectly on his forehead anyway, or maybe you liked the way he focuses on something, his love for stars and flowers, his love for reading books, his love for the Avengers.

You just met him for a couple of weeks, but everything about him makes you want more. You knew you yearned for him even if you shouldn't be. He's too pure and innocent for you. Do you care? You would say yes because surprisingly, you care so much for him. But, apparently you knew you were nothing like him, you're out of his league. You knew you're too dangerous to be associated with an angel but the want you're feeling for him gets the best of you.

"What's your favorite flower?"

"Sunflower!"

You rolled your eyes, "of course, you like sunflowers," as if you're not the sun and a flower, you thought as you lit up a cigarette.

You lightly squint your eyes because of the smoke as you took in a puff, you noticed him eyeing you with his pretty eyes. You tilted your head, heart hammering inside your chest, what if he doesn't like someone who smokes?

"What is it?"

He shook his head, as if he was getting off a trance, "nothing..." his head dropped down to his fidgeting fingers, "you just looked... good... when you did that."

You raised your eyebrow, head dancing in amusement by the sight of his soft cheeks covered with light red, making him look even beautiful in your eyes, "are you calling me hot?"

He abruptedly raised his head, cheeks noticeably got even redder, his eyes widened, "I... it's not.." he eventually gave up, pouting as he nodded his head.

You smirked, dark eyes boring into his soft innocent ones, "oh, am I now, my sweet little flower?" You took a step closer, his face inches away from yours. You stared at him and took all his features in, your eyes dropping from his eyes to his soft plump pink lips. You lifted your hand, placing it onto the back of his head and played the ends of his hair, fingers sliding into his nape. You felt lightheaded by his reaction alone, his lips quivering, giving off light pants, you smiled.

You were about to close the distance when you heard your phone ringing. Annoyed, you pulled away from him, puffing on your cigar one time before throwing it away, you answered the call, "what?" You snapped, impatience clear in your tone.

"Boss, we have a problem."

"What do you mean you don't know?" You yelled, hands slamming against the table, "we checked! Are you doubting my work?"

Your fucking clients are claiming that the weapons and explosives you sent are defective, asking for their money back. You snorted, as if you're going to do that. The worst part is they have beaten up three of your men and are trying to taint your name in the black market. Few of your other important clients called asking about the issue, Junmyeon have talked to them already and reassured them whilst you are nothing but pissed. If this reached your father and your godparents, you're going to lose it.

"Calm down." Junmyeon massaged your shoulders as he was behind you, kissing your temple.

You rolled your eyes, deciding to listen to him.

"So, what are we going to do?" Chanyeol asked as he folded his arms against his chest.

You picked up your favorite knife, it was the sharpest yet the smallest you have ever owned, flipping and circling it in your hand, "shall we pay them a visit?"

"Mr. Jung." You said, eyeing him as he was sitting by a table with your four former clients, not surprisingly the ones who complained with him. A smile appeared on your red tinted lips. You walked forward, your hand ran through your hair, glimpsing your friends behind your back. You watched Junmyeon walking towards you, he wrapped his arm around your shoulder, "can we have a word with you?"

"Y... you..."

They looked pathetically scared, though, their men started appearing behind them as they stood up. You smirked, "we were here to talk." You tilted your head in amusement, "But I guess you want it the hard way."

"Bring that five motherfuckers in our base, dad's there." You said, clutching the wound you gained, the other hand wiping off the blood on your face.

Of course, you won. They had more people with them but with you and your gang together, they wouldn't stand a chance. All of you trained your whole life for situations like this, it isn't so shocking that you took down 60 more men with only you and 12 of your friends: Junmyeon, Ria, Joy, Minseok, Chanyeol, Yerin, Yixing, Jongin, Yeri, Ash, Hope, and Luck. Though, it didn't go that well because those men started using weapons against you, your own weapons, for fuck's sake, those were the one that got you bleeding right now, "defective, huh?" You chuckled, earning Junmyeon's slap against your back.

"You're all bloody and shit and you're still laughing."

You eyed him, he looked wrecked as well, blood running down his head, lips busted. You laughed even harder, making him laugh with you, "dumbass."

You puffed on your cigar, watching your father talk to the five men you've captured. Five gunshots were heard, it ended with the five of them lying flush against the floor, bathing in their own bloods.

The blood flowed up until your shoes, you smirked darkly, walking up to your father, "Dad."

He turned to you, a smile appearing on his face, "my favorite daughter."

You chuckled, "I'm your only daughter."

He lifted his hands, bringing them up your head, "don't you want to get treated?" Pointing towards your family's personal doctors, treating your injured friends.

You shook your head, "I'm fine. I'll just visit someone."

You knocked on his door, patiently waiting. You looked around, fortunately, there was no one here. It'll be very inconvinient to walk around with dried blood all over you. The door opened, catching your attention, revealing your adorable Baekhyun. His eyes widened in shock, he eyed you with concern, mouth silently opened as he pulled you inside his room.

"Ooh, easy there, angel."

He made you sit down, quickly pacing around the room, looking for something. Your dark gaze following him as he did so. You stared at his ass looking so plump and cute inside his sweatpants, you smirked, eye glinting in interest.

He sat down in front of you, holding a box you assumed a first-aid kit. You looked at him in amusement as he did his best in cleaning your wounds. His soft eyes glistened with light tears as he inspected your form, his lips in a frown.

"Baek..." you whispered, trying to gain his attention. He lifted his head, his brows furrowed as his eyes met yours.

"Does it hurt?" He asked, his voice sounding so sensitive and fragile as he caressed your broken skin.

"I'm fine, baby boy. Don't get so worried." You lowly laughed, lifting your hand to wipe off the tear that escaped his eye. He was shaking as his lips formed into a pout, holding your hand that held his face.

You leaned in, you nose brushing his, "Raven..." he breathed, you closed your eyes as his scent filled your system, feeling dizzy. You opened your eyes once more, catching his eyes glimpsing your lips in a daze. You chuckled, placing your lips on his.

You felt like you were going crazy when you heard him moan, catching his lower lip between yours, lightly biting on it. Your other hand grazed his jaw, you felt him clutch your shirt, pulling you closer you thought it was impossible.

You pulled him, using your strength to make him sit on your lap. Your tongue licked his lips until he opened them for you to ravage. Your hand slid into his shirt, caressing his sides. You felt him pull your hair, moaning against your mouth as he eagerly, desperately grinded on you.

You pulled away for air, chuckling at the sight of his face all red, he bit his lip as he leaned against you, wrapping his arms around your neck. He burried his head into your hair, licking and sucking your neck, continuously grinding his noticeable hard-on onto your clothed heat. You heard him mewl against your neck, biting your exposed shoulder to shut himself up. You tilted your head to kiss his temple, reaching out to his body, "come on, baby. Make yourself cum like this." You whispered against his ear, sucking and biting his earlobe.

He listened and grinded down even harder, cirling his hips, moaning wantonly against your hair, mewling your name desperately, "please, please..." he slid his hand inside your shirt, touching you in need, he groped your breasts. He burried his head into your mounds, licking and sucking your nipples making you groan.

His moans got even louder, his movement got even rougher, almost like a wild animal. He threw his head back, screaming your name as he came inside his sweats. You felt the wetness against your skin, making you laugh. He slumped his body against yours, panting.

You rubbed his back, calming him. After a while, you lightly pushed him off you, making him face you. You smiled at his flushed appearance, his face glowing as he smiled shyly at you. You pushed his hair back, away from his forehead, wiping off his sweat, "didn't know you were a wild one."

He whined, pout appearing on his lips. You chuckled, placing a tender kiss on his forehead.

A/N: i wanted this to be a oneshot but here we are: new series yay

[angellesword]

Contrast

Summary: Yoongi doesn’t know how to finish writing his song.

Pairing: Idol!Yoongi x Idol!Hoseok

Genre: Fluff, minor angst

Word Count: 2.8k (One-shot)

Warnings: discussion of insecurities

Yoongi glared at the intersecting lines in his strikingly white paper. The heavy red inked pen he used to draw those lines was enough to make his head hurt.

Sigh.

He just crossed out an entire stanza of the lyrics he wrote for three hours.

Three. Fucking. Hours.

The lyrics just didn’t fit on the beat of the song he produced. What the hell was wrong with him? He was usually satisfied with his works. In most cases, he could actually finish producing and writing a song in a short period of time.

So why couldn’t he do it now?

Was it the wine?  Yoongi absentmindedly ran his finger through his lower lip while thinking.

Was he too dependent on that bittersweet liquor so now that he stopped drinking it, he felt as though he couldn’t function well?

Was that it?

Or was it his pride?

Namjoon offered to help, but Yoongi just brushed him off. He knew Joon had a lot on his plate right now. With his upcoming mixtape, dance practices, meaningful speeches for their love yourself and speak yourself campaign, Yoongi didn’t want to become one their leader's responsibilities.

But the main reason was probably his pride. Namjoon could balance both his personal and work life. So why couldn’t Yoongi?

"Hyung?"

Yoongi felt a hand resting on his shoulder. For some reason, his body began to relax. He was wearing an extra layer of clothes, but he could still feel the comfort and warmth in this person's hand.

He looked back only to see the uneasiness in Hoseok's eyes, his hand was still on Yoongi's shoulder.

"Hobi...you're here...." Yoongi said. His voice was betraying him, though. It's like his system was still processing the fact that Hoseok was really here.

Inside his studio.

And it was just the two of them.

"Yeah. I knocked exactly twenty times." Hoseok replied meticulously, worry was still visible in his eyes.

Yoongi had this rule for the rest of the Bangtan members. They should knock twenty times before entering his studio. But the members, especially the maknae line, didn’t seem to understand the concept of knocking. The boys just barged into his studio whenever they wanted.

"You didn't answer, so I just pressed the magic numbers and went in." Hoseok shrugged his shoulders.

Since the Bangtan boys kept on invading Yoongi's studio, he decided to exercise the use of password lock, but Yoongi was bad when it came to remembering some stuff. There was this one night when he slept outside of his studio because he forgot his passcode.

So when he finally remembered, he immediately told Hoseok about it. He was the only person Yoongi could trust who wouldn’t invade his privacy.

"I brought some food, hyung..." Hoseok smiled brightly as he raised his other hand to show the paper bag containing take-out food.

"Hmm...thanks." Yoongi smiled a little. It's past midnight and he still hadn’t eaten dinner. He barely left his studio.

"Jimin asked me to have dinner with him, but I figured you're the one who needs someone to eat with so..." Hoseok finally removed his hand on Yoongi's shoulder, he then walked straight to the table.

"It's Chinese food. I hope you like it,” Hoseok turned to face Yoongi who was still seated on his swivel chair.

"I eat anything..." Yoongi kept on playing with his lower lip while looking at Hoseok intently. He was watching his every move carefully.

"Good! I brought a lot!" Hoseok smiled. It's the kind of smile that showed his little dimples. The one Yoongi liked the most.

"So...you're going to...eat with me...?" Yoongi asked even though he already knew the answer. Hoseok literally told him a few breaths ago.

"Yes. I just went out with Jimin so I can buy our food. And..." Hoseok stopped speaking momentarily to open the sachet of sauce using his mouth. "I didn't want Jimin to eat alone, so I waited for him to finish."

"I see..." Yoongi nodded.

Hoseok was really that type of person. He always made sure everyone was happy—that everyone was safe. He was always so full of love, especially when it came to his family, friends, and ARMYs, their fans.

Sometimes Hoseok's personality was too much for Yoongi. The former knew how to break almost everyone's wall. He knew exactly what to do or say to a person. He could make anyone feel so special—like you're the only person who matterred. He made everyone feel as though even their pettiest reason should never be ignored.

It scared Yoongi.

Because what if....

What if...he got the wrong idea? What if he thought that he was special, but then Hoseok did this 'special' thing to everyone?

Yoongi was not the smartest person, though he knew that vulnerability and oblivion were the greatest downfall of a human being.

Oblivion. Growing up, Yoongi didn't experience the warmth and kindness of this world. In fact, fate was a little cruel to him. He learned things the hard way. He grew up thinking that everything was not for free.

You wanted food? Okay. Suffer by walking from school to your home in exchange of using your transportation fee to buy a cheap cup of instant noodles instead.

You wanted money? Then let me buy your hard produced music beat for a few bucks.

You wanted to be famous? Spend your life as a teenager full of worries and questions. Will I even debut? How many more songs should I write and produce just to be rejected again?

Isn't leaving Daegu and going to a strange and cruel town enough? What more do I need to do?

You see, these things were some of the reasons why Yoongi could not accept the love and care Hoseok gave for free. Yoongi’s oblivion about unconditional love turned him vulnerable.

He didn't know that someone was capable of doing such things because he grew up in the absence of it. The little affection shown by Hobi made Yoongi feel a lot of things...to the point that he couldn’t control and distinguish it.

Was it love? Or was he just thankful to Hoseok?

"Let's eat, hyung~" Hoseok called, but Yoongi didn't move.

Hoseok pouted and went straight to Yoongi's back. He pushed his hyung's swivel chair until it reached the corner of the table.

Yoongi groaned when his upper abdomen hit the table's corner.

"That's what you get for being lazy." Hoseok stuck his tongue out at him.

Yoongi just shook his head—trying to ignore the fact that his heartbeat just doubled because of Hoseok's silly expression.

Both of them ate in peace. Yoongi wasn’t talking much because he was still worried about his unfinished lyrics. Hoseok, on the other hand, was busy with his food. Yoongi didn't mind. Hoseok's presence was enough to ease the tension he was feeling.

"By the way, Hyung. How's the song you've been writing?"

Yoongi froze the second he heard the question. He remembered promising Hoseok that he would let the younger boy hear it today. It's actually a song that would be rapped by the two of them this upcoming Festa.

Bighit decided to divide the Bangtan Boys into subunits for this year's anniversary. Seokjin, the best vocalist, and Namjoon, the band’s leader, would release a music video. It would be under the production of Golden Closet Film.

Jimin, Taehyung, and Jeongguk were phenomenal dancers so they chose to choreograph dance steps.

Hoseok knew that their members were doing their best. This made him a little anxious and pressured. He wanted to show his best abilities to the ARMYs so kept on pestering Yoongi about their performance. But now that he could see how stressful it was for Yoongi to finish the song, he suddenly just wanted to do something else.

"I'll let you listen to it by tomorrow..." Yoongi stood up and started cleaning the table. Both of them were done eating.

Hoseok noticed the change in Yoongi's mood. Did he say something wrong? Was he too demanding?

Uneasiness washed all over Hoseok again. He studied Yoongi's face. His hyung's lips were protruded into a small but sulky pout. His eyebrows were furrowed too.

Hoseok cleared his throat. He didn't want to upset Yoongi.

"Listen, Hyung..." He started. "Uh, you don't really have to do this...I mean, it's going to be an unofficial song, so....you should not...uhm...." Hoseok tried to find the right thing to say but he couldn’t. So instead, he just helped clean the table.

Yoongi stopped him, though.

"I'll clean up here, Hope. Just do something else..."

Hoseok pouted and sighed in defeat. Yoongi must have been really upset.

Hoseok was dying of curiousity now so he went to his hyung's working table to know what had gotten him so unmotivated.

He raised his brow when he saw five crumpled papers on the table. There were also at least ten scattered white papers here. What really caught his attention was the paper with a big X mark on it.

Hoseok read the words on that paper. A small smile formed in his lips when he realized that Min Yoongi was genius.

This sounds so cliché

but believe me when I say

your smile completes my day

we're contrast, just like what they say

i'm monochrome and you're a rainbow

my dark picture has been colored by you, oh you.

Baby you're my muse. (and my only hope)

"Hyung, why did you remove this? It's brilliant!" Hoseok went near Yoongi just to shoved the paper on his face.

Yoongi immediately snatched the paper away from Hoseok. Damn. He should've thrown this stupid paper in the trash bin!

"I-It's stupid, Hope...." Yoongi avoided Hoseok's shinning eyes.

Did he notice that the song was for him?

"It's not! ARMYs will like it! I like it! No—I love it!" Hoseok grabbed Yoongi frail shoulders, causing him to groan. Yoongi's body felt weak. He had been sitting on his swivel chairs for hours.

"Hyung, you might think I'm only saying this out of guilt for not helping you..." Hoseok bit the inside of his cheek. Sure, he was really guilty but... "You know I don't lie. When I say it's beautiful, it is really beautiful..."

Beautiful. He said that word as if he wasn’t just pertaining to the lyrics but also to the person in front of him.

"So what if it's cheesy? I've always admired your talent for conveying feelings into meaningful words, Yoongi-hyung."

Yoongi blushed. Here we go again. Why did Hoseok always know the right thing to say? Or did he? Maybe those weren’t really the right words. It's just what Yoongi wanted to hear.

Maybe it's never about the right words but the right person.

And maybe it's the way Hoseok spoke or the way he looked at someone as if that person was the sole reason why the sun rises, and why the moon illuminates the heavy, dark night.

"Why are you doing this to me, Jung Hoseok?" Yoongi glared at Hobi. His eyes were slightly red because of unshed tears and frustration.

"W-What do you mean, Hyung?" Hoseok stammered.

Yoongi blinked and then he took a step backward when he noticed how Hoseok's eyes quivered in trepidation.

"I'll finish the song before the anniversary, Hope. Just trust me..."

Hoseok sighed in relief when Yoongi smiled. Nothing else mattered when he saw that gummy smile.

Hoseok’s phone suddenly vibrated.

"Oh! Hyung! Look! Our company just posted the concept photos for the Festa!" Hoseok enthusiastically visited their page to see the photos in his phone.

Hoseok couldn't be happier to see that his favorite photo of him was the album's cover. It took him and the rest of the members two days to finish the photo shoot.

It turned out really well.

But his happiness was short-lived because after several minutes, his photo's likes didn't increase at all.

25,010 likes. 3,056 comments. 743 shares.

He checked the photos of other members.

107,346 likes. 8,222 comments. 4023 shares.

Hoseok couldn't keep track on the numbers on his co-members' photos because it was increasing rapidly.

He was delighted since his members were well-loved and respected by the fans. However, he couldn’t deny the fact that he felt insecure.

It had always been like this. People liked the other members more than Hoseok. He was also often the target of mean and baseless comments on social media platforms. As much as he tried to ignore it, he couldn’t. Some words were too painful. He couldn’t stop thinking that perhaps, they were right.

"Hope..."

"Yeah?" Hoseok flinched when Yoongi touched his shaky hand.

"Are you okay?" Yoongi questioned with furrowed brow. Hoseok's face was really, really pale.

"Huh? Uh...yes. I'm just...." He trailed off. Hoseok didn’t want to lie but he also did not want Yoongi to think he was being petty.

But Yoongi wasn’t having any of his bullshit.

"I know that face so don't you dare lie to me." Yoongi’s voice was low and full of authority. "What's wrong?"

Hoseok swallowed. Hard. He didn't dare to speak.

"Hope, I am asking you..." Yoongi warned. He took a step forward while Hoseok took a step backward.

This annoyed Yoongi. He took another step forward but Hoseok repeated his annoying move. Though, this time, he hadn't done it successfully since his ankle hit the front leg of the swivel chair.

And because Yoongi wouldn’t stop invading Hoseok's personal space, Hobi just decided to take a seat on that swivel chair.

Hoping Yoongi would stop, Hoseok released another sigh of relief.

Yoongi had finally stopped walking towards his direction.

But it's not because he was done with Hoseok. It's just that Yoongi was now standing at most three feet away from Hoseok's swivel chair.

"I asked you what's wrong, Hope. You. Did. Not. Answer. Me." Yoongi said firmly. He even snatched the phone away from Hoseok's grip.

Yoongi's forehead creased because of confusion. What's with these pictures and why was it making Hoseok sad?

Yoongi scrolled down to see all the pictures, trying to understand what's wrong with it. Not a minute passed but Yoongi already knew what this was all about.

"We talked about this, didn't we?" The look on Yoongi's face screamed “I am disappointed.”

That's the problem with Yoongi. When he offered a solution to a problem, he instantly believed that it was the best and it should be followed.

Like when he told Hoseok to ignore the people who didn’t appreciate him, he thought Hoseok's insecurity would just magically go away. Because in Yoongi's case, it had always been like that. Whatever Hoseok did or said,Yoongi believed and followed it.

"You really think the damn numbers matter? Hope, you're..." Yoongi could not finish his sentence. What was the perfect word to describe Hoseok? Did that word even exist?

"This is the reason why I don't want to say anything to you, hyung. You won't understand." It took Hoseok everything not to let his voice crack.

Perhaps Hoseok's greatest downfall was fear. Fear of not being enough. Fear of not being able to show the role he himself wanted to portray. Fear. Fear of not attaining the security he wanted to reach.

It's not about the money. It's not about him getting tired from going extra mile for other people.

It was fear. Fear of not being loved. Fear of leaving this world and not being able to justify the importance of his existence.

Because, why did it have to be him? There were so many people who deserved to live. To be in his position. But why him? What's so special about him?

"It's not that I won't understand, Hope. I can't understand..."

But Hoseok didn't say anything again. He was just trying so hard to purse his lips together and God, Yoongi's patience was being tested.

"You're so fucking insecure. Do you know that?”Yoongi leaned forward so his face leveled Hoseok's.

Yoongi titled Hoseok's chin as he examined his face.

"We should do something about that..." Yoongi whispered. His eyes were still busy scrutinizing Hoseok's face.

"Y-Yoongi..." Hoseok's voice was soft.

Yoongi smirked. His stomach twisted when Hoseok dropped honorifics.

"Yes, Hope?" Yoongi bit his lower lip, trying to catch Hoseok's eyes.

"You go around making other people feel loved when you can't even..."

Hoseok's breathing hitched when he noticed that Yoongi's face was just a few inches away from his probably flushed face.

"Love yourself..." Hoseok closed his eyes when Yoongi left a light as a feather kiss on his lips.

It's just a peck but his body reacted differently.

He knew wanted more.

But Yoongi did not have a plan to repeat that move again.

Yoongi walked towards his working table and immediately stopped the camera from recording.

Hoseok's eyes widen.

Fuck.

They are being recorded.

"I'm not gonna finish this song, Hope. I know what to show to our ARMYs. I’ll let them know who loves you.” Yoongi slightly raised the camera.

He just smirked when Hoseok still remained quiet.

So much for writing a song.

[mika-shion]

Well, I didn't sleep well last night... Been up and down the past 24 hours, My hands haven't stopped shaking the past 72 hours...

I know regardless of the outcome, I will come out of this stronger than I was before but... I can't help but worry about what I'll lose in the process.

...You know two years is the longest I've ever spent in a committed relationship... And I wanted to keep going because I love her and when I look at her I can't help but see a beautiful future with the two of us.

I really don't think I felt like this with anyone else before...

Regardless of how this pans out, I know that afterwards, I'm going to be dying for a sense of normalcy...

Been thinking about writing something, on the off chance that this doesn't work out... Then I get worried that I'm playing too much into my fears.

...Not one part of today is going to be easy, I already know that.

I wish I could fully convince myself that things are going to work out, and that we'll stay together. But that nagging possibility of things ending today keeps creeping back in...

I keep thinking about all the wonderful things I wanted to do with her, All the places I wanted to go with her, how the things I wanted to tell her... And it's not like she's leaving, I know that. But it won't be the same.

I think part of the reason this is so difficult is because... the last time something like this happened, the last time I felt this strongly for someone, I was an emotional wreck for months. It's a difference here being that, the time before was obsession. I think I can say with absolute certainty that What I'd be leaving behind today is a relationship with someone I love very very deeply.

None of my breakups have been easy and, unfortunately, not counting the one before this, they had all been just a bit better than the first one...

I know that if this ends today, I don't think I'll ever be able to let go of these thoughts and feelings...

You know I remember reading this crap about how we only ever really fall in love three times in our lives. First is the innocent and idealistic one, second is supposed to be hard love, the one that's supposedly teaches us lessons about ourselves...

The last one is supposed to be obviously the one that lasts. The one that none of us are supposed to see coming. The one that usually looks all wrong for us and is supposed to destroy any lingering ideals we had about what love is. It's the one that's supposed to come as naturally as breathing...

I suppose, in a way, I could see this being the second on that list, as opposed to the third but... Assuming this theory is even correct, this would definitely be the third... Or maybe I really just fold myself into thinking that I don't know.

Regardless I'm going to do everything I can today, to try to make this work. Regardless of the outcome, it's going to hurt. I know that... I also know that, in the end, I'm strong enough to get through this... It's the next few months that really scare me.

But I know my closest friends will be there to help me get through this, to help both of us get through this...

You know right now I really just want to cry and say that all this is scaring the shit out of me... But if the past few days have taught me anything, it's that the fear isn't entirely bad... If nothing else, it proves that I'm still alive.

...I've got another 8 hours to go before it's time, so I just need to do my best to hold on until then. Not that I'm particularly religious but, I think I'd appreciate it if some of you pray for me.

Just pray that I make it out okay.

[the-firebird69]

We have almost as many lost in combat today as we did in the past 3 days all over the world they're fighting

The max have only 3MNNN left per area and a total of 1MNNNN and they're losing people rapidly and they say it's not many because it isn't soon they'll be out

Morlock and I do much better they have 1MNNNN remaining as well almost the same number and they're up at DC New York City fighting as well the fighting is sped up there's a lot more people showing up from foreign countries and these guys going in slower and small bunches

Some races have suffered catastrophic losses since we last looked at them.

Islam has 4MNNNNN and that's about 200 less than they had this morning that's a huge loss because it's a multiplier and that's only s our numbers are not included in any of this

Chinese have a total of 1MNNNNN and soon I'll have less when and will drop because of the losses are experiencing now and yes in China everybody is at them there

Japanese s has 1MNNNN and half of this morning and the other half is going to disappear quickly as they get raided

4MNNNNN catastrophic losses from this morning it was hundreds and now it's four and all over the world gigantic losses. One more big hit and they're all done right down the hill with Max

South Americans from Grandger to almost very few 1MNNNNN and very soon that one end is going to drop off and it was about 500 of what you see there M. Huge losses at the shatteredome they're fighting the max mass of hatred for them and the whole country is embroiled now

Africa a similar thing 700MNNNN and just dropped it in and it's huge it's a big difference in the fighting continues versus the shatterdomes there in Africa

Pakistan in India or cut in half which is not as bad as others but they're starting to fight on the border and they'll probably be out fairly soon

Europe was not doing so well in the beginning now down to about 1MNNN and that's in total thier small now

Several movies have started up in a significant importance

Edge of tomorrow, and it is over George and others meaning they brought all of them to Britain and Max have been dying very fast there is about 100 MNN an hour that died there it's going to increase now to about 200 and later on up and over that till about a thousand right now it's speedily increasing as the whereabouts of the family are known

Is a huge cry for them to be removed from the United Kingdom they're afraid that they may just pull the plug on them and our son felt a little too and does not want them there most don't and find it to be a little bit threatening and over the top so they're going to retrieve them right now the numbers there are staggering about 500NNN An hourThey're fighting just like you see the movie and they're fighting the creatures you see too

Thor Freya

We've had enough of these people here it's been an hour or two and there's no email yet even though they're going to send it it's just a drain it's insane too I'm tired of him being house with his people who are so mean I'm going to come in with their own housing shortly and do understand what he's saying he has to relocate temporarily we understand that as well and we're on it and we have time table and a plan we do need the email that go through and it's getting absurd

Olympus