#to which we obviously had no problem
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so yea
1-2 months of on and off effort later IT'S MY FIRST EVER HERMITCRAFT (by which i mean exclusively tango tek) ANIMATIC
IN WHICH A MAN TALKS ABOUT BINARY FOR ALMOST 3 MINUTES (it's based actually. and was really fun to animate)
#tango tek#mcyt#animatics#fan art#hermitcraft#wandering mask art#i've never cc'd a video before so if there's a problem with em please lemme know so i can fix#this was ACTUALLY REALLY FUN#it's not perfect. obviously#there were some timing moments where i just realised “oops i put too many frames in here” and just had to Do My Best with it#and you can see everything get more polished the further along we go as i learn and practice in Real Time#which is kinda cool actually now that i think about it#but uhhhh. yea!!#who me uploading this at midnight on a sunday so no one will see it maybe shhhhh we are very shy around here#Youtube
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#ruffled feathers#sometimes work is so fucking frustrating#like i had this one kid hit another kid and then when i told him off he just mocked me and then the entire class laughed#and like. there's nothing i can do. i can't send him out of the classroom bc i'm not allowed (there's nowhere to send him)#i can't call his parents bc i'm not allowed (and my japanese wouldn't be good enough to speak to them anyway)#i told him he couldn't join in the game and he just didn't care. spent the game throwing stuff at other kids + ruined it for everyone#then he shoved some crayons up his nose/in his ears and started running around#which is. y'know. REALLY FUCKING DANGEROUS so i can't just ignore it#when i spoke to the japanese teacher she was like 'ohh he has adhd' and i'm like ??? he assaults others. that's NOT bc of adhd#i don't work at a school i work at an eikaiwa. i'm the only staff member on location (no assistant no receptionist etc)#i have 11 kids in that class. most of them are 6-7 years old#and the japanese teacher just lets them do what they want most of the time so it's basically impossible to control them#i just. i fucking hate this classroom honestly. the kids are so disrespectful#i know it's not just me like everyone i've spoken to says it's a Problem Classroom#but also. it makes me feel like i'm a bad teacher bc i can't control the kids#it makes me feel like i should just quit my job bc obviously i'm bad at it#anyway i'm really not looking for advice here i'm just venting so please spare me the 'have you tried' messages#i've already asked my supervisor and senpais for advice and the general consensus is we need more staff#and also for the jt to not actually tolerate 7-year-olds behaving like 2-year-olds#delete later
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I have a hard time hating Donovan because as much of an asshole he is to his son, that man has done nothing wrong in my eyes. I know the goal is to keep him as a mystery and a sort of looming threat but I’m not really threatened by the unknown.
He’s a dick to Damian but it’s never made clear why. The best assumption would be that he’s rich and therefore neglectful but that doesn’t seem to be the case with all the other kids at Eden. He just comes off as paranoid for again no particular reason. The most we know is that he thinks that everyone is inherently a bunch of liars which is a nice contrast to the main cast of characters and based on that odd conversation with Twilight we know that he extends this belief even to his own family. Unfortunately, I have a hard time hating him even for that because I’m the end Damian is like 6 and it just seems to logically insane to view a child as a potential opp that I can’t take it seriously. Also he never extended that kind of suspicion to Demetrius so I dunno maybe Damian is the problem.
As for his politics, they are effectively nonexistent. Only information that we know is that he maybe possibly would be interested in starting the war again but at the same time that’s not how war works. My best understanding is that he is trying to be re-elected to start the war again but if that’s the case then why would anyone vote for him? No context is given as to why he lost the last re-election (and that’s me assuming he lost and it’s not a case of term limits) or what the general public thinks of him. There was that one scene where Millie blamed him for the death of her father so maybe the gp isn’t too fond of him but it’s also never said why. As much as I am anti war I do know war is a nuanced issue so I can’t really say if I’m against Donovan without know why he is interested in the war. He didn’t even start the war also what even is the war. It’s constantly referenced but I don’t even know what they’re talking about. The timeline is so vague and confusing.
I’m nitpicking again but it’s really confusing. I get the upset about losing family to the war but wars are far too political and complicated for me to just side with anyone. Like I feel bad for veterans in general but also a lot of them are cold blooded murderers and rapists who proudly dedicated their lives to furthering white supremacy and engaging in neocolonialism so I can only feel so bad before I just say womp womp and move on. Brainwashing does seem to be an issue in Ostania but again like meh. They specifically said Ostania isn’t a socialist state which was the core of the conflict between East and West Germany and it’s the socialist/communist beliefs that caused the most harm in East German but if that not the case here then what is actually going on.
If you have any information that can help please share I am confused 🤔
Anyways here’s a tiny Yor
#spy x family#sxf#donovan desmond#the things that concern me are irrelevant to a normal person#WWII ended 1945 and the story is set in 1960 to 1979 which means the earliest distance between the end of the war and the start of the stor#is 15 years. Yor is canonically 27 which means she was 12 in 1945 ie the end of the war but she lived through the way so that’s wrong#obviously Donnie and melly have no official age but if we go based on us politics Donovan would have had to been a minimum of 35#to become pm. one person’s calculations estimated his age at 56 which means he would have been 42 at the end of the war but WWII was 7 year#but how would the pm change mid war did everyone just ignore the bombs to go exercise their democratic rights#and again that’s assuming it’s a democratic system because they did he lost recently but idk#also that would mean he was pm for well over a decade maybe even 2 so again what the hell happened there#now I have to go re-read the entire thing because I am genuinely confused rn#also spies are notorious for causing problems and instability in other countries so twilight is the real opp here#also personally if I wanted to stalk someone to find out if they’re gonna start a war again I’m going for the blackbells#Donnie already got the boot but papa Blackbell is still operating as normal definitely more likely to encourage war than a former pm#also Melinda is so cute hehe
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Fuck I hate being an adult. I need a more adult adult to help with the volatile emotional situation.
#I've sort of made a new friend? Like we met at the same art group and he's also trans which was like pleasantly surprising in our small town#but like. We have Differences Of Opinion#and it's not totally his fault because it sounds like he's had a Lot of bad shit in his past that's obviously made him wary and closed off#but like. He's slightly older than me (only 4 years) and keeps blaming a load of his problems on other trans folks?#like you know the type. The like 'all these nonbinary/other identities the kids are doing are complicating shit'#the 'it hurts to see people younger than me inc. kids get hormones thrown at them when I still can't get 'em' (which... yeah not even true)#and he's told me himself he doesn't engage much with the queer community bc it's too 'toxic'#and like. I can absolutely understand why he could've had some bad experiences esp. since he has some mental health shit going on#but he wants to be friends bc he doesn't know anyone else going through the medical shit and it's like. Yeah no shit you don't?#you decided the community you'd find them in is toxic? and that people in them are doing being trans wrong?#and I think if he was just some guy online I'd like roll my eyes and ignore him#but he's a real person in my vicinity and I feel fucking bad for him#and I can see how much self loathing he has and how much that probably informs the bullshit#like he told me he thinks that trans men and cis men are fundamentally different categories and trans men will never be cis men#but not in a 'the experiences are just different and come with different perspectives way'#in like a self defeating way. Like a I just have to settle for being a trans man way.#and it made me SO SAD#like bro#I'm so sorry for whoever the fuck made you feel like you're fighting an unwinnable battle#and I want to be a friend to him. I want him to feel like there's other queer people out there and there's friends and hope#but also I genuinely could see him being the kind of person who would get really angry at you for no fault of your own#like I already get the distinct feeling he resents me a little#like obviously not too much since he still wants to hang#but he's been trying and failing to get HRT for years and I got it super quickly basically by sheer luck/a doctor who looks out for me#like I'm so fucking lucky. And I just genuinely feel like he's the kind of person who might take that personally.#I just do not think I have the fucking. Emotional tool kit to salvage this shit#But I also can't exactly text him and say sorry I don't think we should hang out so. What do.#.....I wasn't even LOOKING for a new friend! I have enough friends!!! I wanted to make clay faces and look at pretty buildings dammit!!!#now I have to be the emotionally mature one who goes hmmm maybe let's not blame other depressed trans kids for our problems buddy#I'm just gonna have to be like. Upfront about my stance and if he doesn't like it well he doesn't have to hang out with me
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"Among their complaints [in 1460, the Yorkists] specifically blamed the earls of Wiltshire and Shrewsbury and Viscount Beaumont for ‘stirring’ the king [Henry VI] to hold a parliament at Coventry that would attaint them and for keeping them from the king’s presence and likely mercy, asserting that this was done against [the king's] will. To this they added the charge that these evil counselors were also tyrannizing other true men* without the king’s knowledge. Such claims of malfeasance obliquely raised the question of Henry’s fitness as a king, for how could he be deemed competent if such things happened without his knowledge and against his wishes? They also tied in rumors circulating somewhat earlier in the southern counties and likely to have originated in Calais that Henry was really ‘good and gracious Lord to the [Yorkists] since, it was alleged, he had not known of or assented to their attainders. On 11 June the king was compelled to issue a proclamation stating that they were indeed traitors and that assertions to the contrary were to be ignored." - Helen Maurer, "Margaret of Anjou: "Queenship and Power in Late Medieval England"
Three things that we can surmise from this:
We know where the "Henry was an innocent helpless king being controlled and manipulated by his Evil™ advisors" rhetoric came from**.
The Yorkists were deliberately trying to downplay Henry VI's actual role and involvement in politics and the Wars of the Roses. They cast him as a "statue of a king", blamed all royal policies and decisions on others*** (claiming that Henry wasn't even aware of them), and framed themselves as righteous and misunderstood counselors who remained loyal to the crown. We should keep this in mind when we look at chronicles' comments of Henry's alleged passivity and the so-called "role reversal" between him and Queen Margaret.
Henry VI's actual agency and involvement is nevertheless proven by his own actions. We know what he thought of the Yorkists, and we know he took the effort to publicly counter their claims through a proclamation of his own. That speaks louder than the politically motivated narrative of his enemies, don't you think?
*There was some truth to these criticisms. For example, Wiltshire (ie: one of the men named in the pamphlet) was reportedly involved in a horrible situation in June which included hangings and imprisonments for tax resistance in Newbury. The best propagandists always contain a degree of truth, etc. **I've seen some theories on why Margaret of Anjou wasn't mentioned in these pamphlets alongside the others even though she was clearly being vilified during that time as well, and honestly, I think those speculations are mostly unnecessary. Margaret was absent because it was regarded as very unseemly to target queens in such an officially public manner. We see a similar situation a decade later: Elizabeth Woodville was vilified and her whole family - popularly and administratively known as "the queen's kin" - was disparaged in Warwick and Clarence's pamphlets. This would have inevitably associated her with their official complaints far more than Margaret had been, but she was also not directly mentioned. It was simply not considered appropriate. ***This narrative was begun by the Duke of York & Warwick and was - demonstrably - already widespread by the end of 1460. When Edward IV came to power, there seems to have been a slight shift in how he spoke of Henry (he referred to Henry as their "great enemy and adversary"; his envoys were clearly willing to acknowledge Henry's role in Lancastrian resistance to Yorkist rule; etc), but he nevertheless continued the former narrative for the most part. I think this was because 1) it was already well-established and widespread by his father, and 2) downplaying Henry's authority would have served to emphasize Edward's own kingship, which was probably advantageous for a usurper whose deposed rival was still alive and out of reach. In some sense, the Lancastrians did the same thing with their own propaganda across the 1460s, which was clearly not as effective in terms of garnering support and is too long to get into right now, but was still very relevant when it came to emphasizing their own right to the throne while disparaging the Yorkists' claim.
#henry vi#my post#wars of the roses#margaret of anjou#Look I’m not trying to argue that Henry VI was secretly some kind of Perfect King™ whose only misfortune was to be targeted by the Yorkists#That is...obviously pushing it and obviously not true#Henry was very imperfect; he did make lots of errors and haphazard/unpopular decisions; and he did ultimately lose/concede defeat#in both the Hundred Years War and the subsequent Wars of the Roses.#He was also clearly less effective than his predecessor and successor (who unfortunately happened to be his father and usurper respectively#and that comparison will always affect our view of his kingship. It's inevitable and in some sense understandable.#But it's hardly fair to simply accept and parrot the Yorkist narrative of him being a “puppet of a king”.#Henry *did* have agency and he was demonstrably involved in the events around him#From sponsoring alchemists to issuing proclamations to participating in trials against the Yorkists (described in the 1459 attainder)#We also know that he was involved in administration though it seems as though he was being heavily advised/handheld by his councilors#That may be the grain of truth which the Yorkists' image of him was based on.#But regardless of Henry's aptitude he was clearly *involved* in ruling#Just like he was involved in plots against Yorkist rule in the early 1460s before he was captured.#And he did have some successes! For example in 1456 he travelled to Chester and seems to have been responsible#for reconciling Nicholas ap Gruffyd & his sons to the crown and granting them a general pardon.#Bizarrely Ralph Griffiths has credited Margaret for this even though there is literally no evidence that she was involved.#We don't even know if she travelled with Henry and the patent rolls offering the pardon never mention her.#Griffiths seems to have simply assumed that it was Margaret's doing because of 1) his own assumption that she was entirely in control#while Henry was entirely passive and 2) because it (temporarily) worked against Yorkist interests.#It's quite frustrating because this one of the most probable examples we have of Henry's own participation in ruling in the late 1450s#But as usual his involvement is ignored :/#Also all things considered:#The verdict on Henry's kingship may not have been so damning if his rule hadn't been opposed or if the Lancastrians had won the war?#Imo it's doubtful he would be remembered very well (his policies re the HYW and the economic problems of that time were hardly ideal)#but I think it's unlikely that he would have been remembered as a 'failed king' / antithesis of ideal kingship either#Does this make sense? (Henry VI experts please chime in because I am decidedly not one lol)
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If Bruce Wayne lived in the star wars universe he would be a Mandalorian
#i mean he's got the classic adoption problems#superman would obviously be like the perfect jedi (btw we dont hate on jeid here)#nightwing would most def be a mandalorian jedi#and talia would be deathwatch#also lets make her a descendant of tarre vizsla#that way Dami can be one as well#bruce was adopted by a random mandalorian named alfred who he had never met before when he was agremlin child after his parents death#tim is originally new mandalorian which is funny cause they're pacisifts and he well...isn't#bruce threatened to adopt kon if clark didnt#both tim and kon were very happy clark finally decided to accept his son cause bruce adopting kon wouldve made stuff all kinds of awkward#idk who all are jedi or just non jedi or sith affiliated force users#sorry i got distracted#i really want to read a dc star wars fusion fic now#but yeah batman would def be a mando
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i wanna do a poll thats like. 'artists do u report commission earnings on ur tax report' but that would make me sound like a fed
#also what if we all got tried for tax evasion LMAO.#anyways ummm. ahgfdsbvgjbfdhg#ok just looked at the gov site. uh oh! ahifuhAFHSDFBDVBfb#well speaking as an unemployed person this is all very annoying lmao. as a sole trader your income would be subject to#the individual tax free threshold which is 18200 aud#im obviously not making anywhere near that amount. but if ur operating as a business then they still want u to report everything#which is -_-#hmm actually. im realising this is more of a problem as an unemployed person#because its the closest thing to income... meanwhile when i had a job its obvious#that i was just getting pennies and wasnt devoting time to it...
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the whole diamond heist scene with the lasers in gl2 is genuinely the funniest thing i have ever seen in my entire life. vinny so reassuringly saying “throw me” and ranboo and sneeg not even arguing with him just flat out agreeing to lob him across the room. the different shots of them swinging him back and forth to get momentum. the fucking puppet flying through the air. sneeg and ranboo staring off into the distance to watch him soar, the instant cut to them holding each other screaming. vinny hitting the fucking roof???? the elation. the anvil falling sound effect. the looney tunes stare as it falls from the sky. vinny’s final words. the fucking anvil crushing his head in (and the shock that came watching it live and not being able to pause or rewind and see the cut). ranboo making the world’s worst pun. sneeg’s indignant “i’m not throwing you!’. everyone moving on as if it didn’t happen. truly the funniest scene in all written history. i will never recover.
#i think there’s an element to watching it live that really elevated the comedy and the shock#bc it was a complete tonal shift too like all of a sudden it goes from serious problem solving to flying puppets#this like borderline unreality which is so different from the last scene#makes the comedy and change in tone so unexpected and that much funnier#and having no idea an anvil was going to crush vinny and just having it come out of nowhere#and he DIES and the cut is so quick that i didn’t notice it live obviously and so the shock factor is definitely there#i thought we were getting midsommar 2.0 on the ranboolive channel#and then everyone just fucking moving on like it didn’t happen so you barely have time to recover#so much happened in the span of about one minute i had no idea how to react#by far the hardest i’ve laughed i think in all of gen loss so far#fucking genius brilliant fantastic comedy script writing editing production EVERYTHING MWAH#i love this silly little show so much#generation loss#genloss#generation loss spoilers#genloss spoilers#ranboo#tilda rambling
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At the bus stop one time there was a gaggle of preschoolers waiting to catch the bus for a field trip day, and someone walked past with a couple of friendly little dogs, to great general delight.
But after a little bit, the dogs were getting overwhelmed, and the preschoolers were gently coaxed to back off so the person with the dogs could continue on. Specifically, one of the preschool teachers said, "Sometimes, when you're small, being surrounded by big people can be a bit scary and overwhelming. Even if they are friendly."
This was recieved as great wisdom: after all, the preschoolers were also small, and understood how scary and overwhelming big people could be! And the dogs were indeed even smaller than the preschoolers, so it made sense.
What was funny and charming was that, upon absorbing and reflecting on this wisdom, they all felt the need to tell it to one another. In tones of great insight, they turned to one another and said, "Did you know? Sometimes when you are small, being surrounded by big people can be scary and overwhelming! Even if they are friendly!" Back and forth, without any particular concern that they were all saying the same thing. Have reached comprehension of an insight, it must be shared!
I must say that this behavior is less charming in tumblr users than in preschoolers. Not least because tumblr users, having gained a little analytical skill to misuse, insist on Summarizing and Generalizing and Unifying the insights they repeat, quickly turning any interesting new information into formulaic dogmatic mush.
#i made the mistake of looking in the notes of the beach sand post i reblogged to see if anyone else had interesting comments#And the rate at which it went from like#1) person states with moderate confidence an opinion based on their personal observations#2) multiple people reply with “wow thats so insightful!” (aka it aligns with my preconceived notions of how things work)#3) someone else adds additional personal observations which are not really relevant but which can be absorbed into the narrative#4) people start outright stating the underlying belief on which this bias is constructed as if it were a fresh insight#5) general derisive attitude towards people who haven't seen the Obviously Correct solution to this complex real world problem yet#It's very.......#It's not like it's a high stakes post but it's such a microcosm of the whole dogmatic phenomenon#Also this js a more specific gripe to My Field or w/e#But the degree to which people react to the problems caused by the whole “Control of Nature” era of engineering#with this equally reductive “Nature will Fix Everything” type of attitude#Is sooooo frustrating.#Yes a great many of our current problems could have been avoided if we had not made massive changes to ecosystem processes on the assumptio#That they were simple and we understood them. And that they would respond in predictable ways.#the simplicity in retrospect of “wow we Should Not have done that” does not mean that they are simple to undo!#You can't go back in time. You can't turn back the clock on chaotic processes#Which is. Almost every process ever.#Restoration is hard! Returning to previous regimes of sediment or flooding or fire is tricky and full of foibles!#Moving towards a future which doesn't suck as much even if the past cant be recreated is also uncertain and difficult!#It's frustrating to see people act all high and mighty about how they Respect Nature unlike whoever is making all these decisions#When their understanding of the natural processes in question is AS simplistic as the people who caused the whole mess back in 1910 or w/e#Like I'm not saying there's not bad interests standing in the way of functional restoration on all levels#That's very much a fight to be fought.#But looking at that fight-in-process and saying “wow none of you Respect Nature like me uwu let nature fix it”#Is.#Ugh.
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Would anyone be interested in this blog/event being revived for 2024?
It seems like Ship Weeks are having something of a renaissance in the Hatchetfield fandom as of late, especially since NPMD came out on Youtube.
#Also i feel like the main reason 2022’s Event kinda fell flat#(*the only participants were Myself with (1) shitpost edit and the Amazing UNSTOPPABLE Vesperione with fics for every day(!!!!!))#is that the Day 7 prompt was LITERALLY a Nightmare Time 2 Spoiler and thus all posts mentioning it were tagged as such#(which i probably should’ve waited all along until NMT2 was out on Youtube but i was too impatient when we had no idea when that would be)#which obviously isn’t a problem anymore.#macnamanderweek#macnamander week#mcnamanderweek#mcnamander week#macnamander#mcnamander#xander lee#general john macnamara#john macnamara#general macnamara#general john mcnamara#john mcnamara#general mcnamara#black friday#black friday musical#black friday starkid#hatchetfield#hatchetverse#hatchetfield universe#hatchetfield series#the hatchetfield series#PEIP
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(salpingo-oophor-)hysterectomies should be free and they should check if you want one at your annual physical in case you're too scared to ask
#i think it's completely insane that half the population is just expected to deal with often debilitating periods for most of their life#and the only things you can do about it are either difficult to access due to money and misogyny or you have to fuck around w your hormones#which obviously can have all kinds of effects. it's fucking insane why have we not made this easy to get out of. i know why but still#but then even if you do get it out you have to leave some for the hormones or be on hrt of some kind forever#i've been debating for ages if i want to try to get just a hysto and leave the possibility of the hormone fluctuations still ruining my life#or get the whole mess out and then take pills forever? (<- guy who already takes pills forever) or get an ablation but that still leaves#room for dysphoria and the hormone shit. this is all so fucked up#and obviously any of this costs you out the ass if you can even find a doctor who's not too sexist to sterilize you. hell#STRONG evidence against a benevolent god tbh#also if cis men had something even remotely comparable you know all of the above problems would have been solved decades ago.#me
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guess who's in 🎶troooouble🎶
New Boss does not appreciate my Vile Insubordination (giving an informed opinion in an email chain where she said some factually incorrect things and got called out on it - I said hey yep you're right that what she said isn't true but here's why it's still important to listen to our team)
and now we have to have a Quick Chattette about my Behaviour and Unsatisfactory Response (didn't apologise for being correct)
#red said#fuckin had it tbh#trying to become calm and balanced bc it will not be helpful for me to go in with this fuck you attitude#but. you know. fuuuuuuck you.#i have been doing this job for 2 years with huge success i do not need someone to redesign and micromanage everything i do#you can simply. do your job and let me do mine#instead of undercutting a huge chunk of work we've already done bc you don't know what you're talking about yet#the situation is she emailed without talking to either of us saying an obviously untrue thing which we could easily have corrected her on#the person she emailed came back like hey#that's not true though?#so i popped in like sorry i know this isn't a conversation I've been closely involved it but you're right and that's actually a whole thing#yeah the thing she said doesn't exist does in fact exist but we've been trying to phase out of for years and what's left is legacy stuff#and that's part of why we're unsure about making room for more of it to happen#felt reasonable. i was in the thread to begin with bc my opinion was being asked#so she was like oh why did you do that we probably should have talked about it first as a team#and I'm like YEAH WE PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE but given that you DIDN'T and have inaccurate info then dropped offline#i assumed we weren't doing Team Responses#and she's NOT HAPPY with how i replied. i phrased it more politely than that but not by much#but you know what man? seems like a you problem.#sorry I'm a Quaker respect for authority is against my religion
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Sometimes if I’ve gotten done with a therapy appointment my dad will ask what we talked about and it’s like. Girl who do you think 🤨
#the klock keeps ticking#havent really done any therapy shit in a while cuz. yeah having a whole trust issues thing happening after bad experiences#but had to do a psychiatrist appointment today just cuz if i dont every once in a while i cant have meds#and yeah just makes me think how my dad has the audacity to ask that shit its like#first off even if we didnt talk about you like. why would you casually ask someone what they discussed in therapy alsjks#like this conversation can only be dark. unless he thinks idk my problems are just that stupid#also its like. personal? and every time ive been like uhhh dont ask me that i dont wanna talk about it he gets all pissy#saying that like i OWE him that information and he wants proof im trying to fix the things he deems as problems about me#which is stupid in every possible way like damn the entitlement#on the flip side my mom is really insecure shes like ‘i know youre probably talking about how much you hate me in there 😩’#liiiike. dude. get a grip#so insecure soooo insecure over the idea of looking like a bad parent but refusing to ever admit youre wrong or that your behavior is bad#so yeah obviously i need to keep these people as far away as possible with this shit
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I think one of the weirdest signs that I was trans was that I was fine with being called a woman but NOT a cis woman. I felt awful cuz I was like “do I have a problem with people calling me cis even tho I am???” cuz I am NOT someone who minds being called accurate descriptors such as cis. I felt like I just wanted to be special or something even tho that wasn’t it and felt so bad. Something just felt really wrong about being called a CIS woman. Definitely one of the more thought provoking signs I was trans lol
#was it cuz ‘cis’ implied I had accepted it? idk cuz I WAS fine with being a woman (as far as I knew)#just some weird subconscious thing I guess. I remember admitting it to my sister at the time lol#I don’t think there are rlly many other interesting signs for me tbh. except that I only corrected ppl online when they called me he if it#either went on so long that I felt bad for them OR we were arguing and I needed something new for them to be wrong about lmao#but similar to the actual post there is ONE thing I still find interesting. which is I watched a gacha cringe video (some were ridiculous#but I often defended them) and there were some where it said ‘I wish I was a boy so I could be gay’ and everyone’s like being disgusted by#this presumably little girl acting like she’s the creepiest fujoshi ever but LITERALLY I’ve had similar thoughts. anything that starts with#‘I wish I was a boy’ obviously has trans implications even if you don’t like what comes after it lol. but like honestly. I would imagine#myself in relationships with guys (mostly fictional characters as u do) and I just hated the idea that it was straight#like same situation as the post. I felt awful cuz I would be FINE with being straight (which I knew I wasn’t anyways) so why did I need to#be special or whatever? it’s cuz just like the post that WASNT the problem. it just felt wrong to me that I wasn’t a boy. so I BASICALLY#wanted to be a boy so I could be in a mlm relationship just like those gachas. it’s just a roundabout way of realizing ur trans.#to be clear I very much had to imagine myself as a guy (typically another fictional character DUH) in order to enjoy it at all#I just realized this sounds sexual. most of it wasn’t actually but the rest is my business LMAOO
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Demon trying to feed on my insecurities: "You're a bad driver"
Me: "Of course I am. I hate driving. Going 80 mph surrounded by tons of metal is nerve-wrecking. I try to do it as little as possible. Of course I'm bad at it"
Demon: "You're a bad writer"
Me: "Well that part's simply not true. I never claimed I was the greatest author of my generation, but when I put pen to paper I know what I want to communicate and I usually do it well. If someone isn't impressed with my work, that's unfortunate but they're entitled to their opinion"
Demon: "You're a bad leader"
Me: "Well I don't know about that! I mean there was that one time when... Ok look just because people don't see me as an authority figure doesn't mean... 😠 You know you can be a real asshole, demon!"
#joking aside the reason I suck at helping people is probably not dissimilar from why I'm bad at driving#the joke is “having good ideas which would work if people let you boss them around” and#“having enough charisma to persuade people to let you boss them around” are two different skills and I don't have nearly enough patience#for the latter#but no really it makes me deeply insecure seeing sycophants rally around the most transparently incompetent and self-interested POS people#and meanwhile I'm getting called shrill and presumptuous for pointing out that the left-wing is poorly organized and I could do it better#can we agree it's at least a little bit because I have aspergers and no penis?#like I realize what I'm doing is the political equivalent of “but I'm such a nice guy!” and I'm literally complaining that no one#respects ma authoritah#but just saying: maybe I wouldn't come off as such a petulant misanthrope#if I wasn't constantly being asked to fix problems that could have been avoided if everyone listened to me in the first place#“nobody likes an i-told-you-so” yeah that's why democracies keep falling to fascism cus you want someone pleasant over someone correct#at the same time sooner or later you have to look in the mirror#and I can count the group projects I've successfully headed on one hand; maybe it's me#if it was just that people don't listen to me than yeah this would just mean I have an ego#but there are plenty of women the left could be rallying around and it doesn't because of minor scandals and anarchist ideals#it's stupid and I'm becoming a tankie just because i'm sick of the idea#that political goals can be accomplished without a clear chain of commmand#i don't need to be the leader but WE NEED A LEADER#the hatian revolution succeeded because Toussaint Louverture organized random slave rioting into an actual army#and I just wish I had that kind of magic myself but I might already be too bitter#ftr this isn't in response to anything that happened recently I'm just still mad thinking about an anarchist group I tried to join#on facebook five years ago where I asked point blank what the marching orders were and got blocked for being “obviously a cop”#and the mod comes at me with “anarchists don't have leaders IDIOT”#yeah well you're the guys always saying you only oppose UNJUST hierarchies idiot!#excuse me for thinking you guys had a plan beyond perpetual infighting#not everyone asking blunt questions about the anarchist platform are feds you guys are just paranoid and ableist#and when you block people for asking what game plan is it really sounds like you just plain don't have one (which is depressing)#I don't care how many books there are about how anarchism is more than just “wanting a free-for-all”#if you attack anyone who tries to impose a hierarchy just to get shit done it really seems like that first impression of
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also though this dentist is genuinely the best dentist we've ever had.
she was really understanding about us having issues with toothpaste and we asked if she had any recommendations for alternatives we could try to see if those help and she gave us some options to look into so that's cool.
she also took our medical trauma into account and kept checking if we were okay throughout the appointment and asking if we needed to take breaks and we've never had a dentist do that before.
she warned us about what each tool would feel like too and actually warned us if something was going to be painful which like, I would in fact rather be warned that "this is going to be uncomfortable in this way" and "yeah this is gonna feel really bad for a few days but that's normal" than have someone try to reassure us that it won't be that bad only for it to get really painful.
our next appointment is to have a tooth removed and she explained the procedure to us and how that normally goes, and then we asked if we can take the tooth home afterwards and I can only assume from the look on her face that she's never been asked that before, but she was like "yeah I don't see why not, it is yours after all" so that's cool
#personal#thoughts#🍬 post#happy posting#I am really glad she warned us that our mouth would be sore because holy shit she was not kidding#but also we've never had a filling that blends in so well with the rest of the tooth. you can't tell there's a filling there when you look#she put so much work into it and got us to check it before we left to make sure the texture was okay#it took twice as long as the appointments we've had for fillings in the past#we're so used to having dentists just kind of rush to get everything done and being really shitty about our anxiety#which like admittedly I am probably still gonna have issues with medical trauma stuff later because that's just how that is#but holy shit it's such a relief to have a dentist who very clearly wants to make you as comfortable as possible#and is obviously taking your trauma and health problems into account the entire time#we're also used to going to one appointment and the medical professional being great#but then being shitty in the next appointment once they realise we have complicated problems and trauma and stuff#but no she was just as nice and accommodating as last time which is gonna help a lot with feeling less anxious next time I think
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