#to that I say WHAT ABOUT ME?? MY JOY?? Jeremiah is JOY

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

guys I think I broke jeremiah

In reality, he doesn’t know if he’ll be back soon, or what it means to be back in a place that feels uninhabitable. Once, his apartment was a glitzy haven, beating like a warm body, dancing like a man. Now, as he fluffs his couch cushions and tosses an old Tupperware of lentil curry into the trash, he understands something’s shifted. Biyu understood exactly what when he’d called her to tell her he’d be leaving for a while but didn’t need to specify. “A little change is good,” she said, the phone clearly pressed up to her ear. Something fried in the background, the popping oil obscuring her voice. “Call me when you’re home. And unplug your appliances,” the latter of which he does now.

What he doesn’t do is tidy his bed. He’s been sleeping on the couch since late September, anyway. He knows what’ll happen if he scoots under that comforter again, if he counts the catamarans on the sheets like he used to while someone else coiled his hair, touched him like he was silk. How one second under would drag him back to fresh ground cinnamon. A freckled shoulder. Every lyric of Wham Rap! A laugh like rustling windchimes. A body there next to him. A body to memorize.

Before he goes, he shuts his bedroom door. By the time he gets back, he might forget what used to happen there.

[rose-tinted-kalopsia]

≡;-꒰ 𝐉𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐌𝐈𝐀𝐇 ꒱₊˚ ପ⊹ I 𝑺𝒐 𝒊𝒕 𝒈𝒐𝒆𝒔...

╰┈➤ ❝ jeremiah x afab!reader | smut nsfw 18+ mdni

tags : angst, friends with benefits, forbidden love/"we shouldn't be doing this" vibes, hints at friendship betrayal, the pain hits more if you've read main story ch8 and xavier's myth ch5, kissing and making out, mentions of nipple play, mentions of oral (f and m receiving), fingering, clit play, vaginal sex, unprotected sex, cumshot, dirty talk, praise, cursing, use of nicknames "pretty" "princess" "milady/my lady", lmk if i missed any tags!

wc : 4.5k

an : LOOK. BEFORE YOU SAY ANYTHING. before you "roxie... what—" me !!!!! writing for him is probably a one-time thing, but listen. he's CUTE!!! and if he's cute, i will write for him...!!!!! (sorry, xavier)

You didn't really know when it started.

After all, what were the odds for you to be strolling around long enough, just to chance across this quaint little flower shop that would eventually became part of your every being?

He'd been arranging some flowers out in the front when you first saw him, light brown, curly hair shining with a gleam under the sunlight. He was humming some kind of tune—it wasn't one you particularly knew, and yet, oddly enough, it was one you found familiar, in ways you couldn't really describe.

In retrospect, the flowers were pretty. Pastel colors blending in with limes and greens, a splash of vibrancy against a largely black exterior. Blues and yellows seemed to be predominant amongst the hues, almost tiny and star-like—a galaxy of flowers, you remember thinking.

And something about it had you easily magnetized.

"Hi!" You'd walked up to him without really thinking; lamely telling yourself in your head, that, hey, maybe your apartment could use some extra decorating...!

(It didn't, but now that you'd approached the florist like this, you felt compelled to at least buy something.)

Jeremiah, however, had been completely spooked by your sudden appearance. One look at you, and his eyes went wide and his humming immediately ceased—you could have sworn a hint of recognition had passed in his eyes, but it was gone before you could truly make out what it was that you saw.

"W-whoah!" he'd laughed, hints of both nervousness and awkwardness glaringly obvious to you—and any busybody that happened to be passing by, for that matter. "Uh!? Sorry, I wasn't expecting anyone so, um... Early?"

You could feel it was a feeble excuse.

Sure, it had been your day off, and sure, maybe it was odd for you to be out and about in the morning at all—but it hadn't been that early. You almost wanted to say something about it out loud... but something in you told you to cut him some slack.

Instead, you'd offered a smile.

"No, I'm sorry. Are you not open yet? You have some beautiful flowers, and I couldn't help but want to look at them a little..."

It was amusing to you how easy his expressions were to read. They had changed seamlessly from bewilderment to joy, and he instantly gestured inside. "Oh! We are open! Wow, maybe I'm just really distracted this morning, haha! But hey, thanks, I'm actually pretty proud if them myself. Though I get some help from a friend in taking care of them, I think they're pretty too..."

You'd known from the start that he was quite the talker, but as a smile played on your lips, you thought that you didn't really mind so much, anyway.

He looked cute, and his voice was just as cute.

But the store, you later realized, would take your breath away in an instant.

The inside was just as majestic as the outside. You found that despite the fact that it looked rather small from a distance, its exterior was actually quite misleading. The inside was beautiful—a floor and a loft worth of flowers, and, you could spot all the way in the back, a door that seemed to be leading out into a garden.

And was that... a greenhouse?!

He had probably noticed the awe on your face when you stepped in, and couldn't help but chuckle. "You like?" he grinned, obvious pride twinkling in his eyes.

"Well... yeah! I can't belive I haven't found this place before. Don't you get a lot of customers?"

"Hmm... Sometimes. Depends on the day, really. But as it goes, if you know the place, then you know, right? Welcome to Philo!"

He turned momentarily before offering you a single yellow blossom, its petals unfurling like puffs in your hand.

You eyed it curiously.

"This, is...?"

"It's a zinnia flower. I thought its colour matched your eyes a little, so think of it as something to keep you company while you look around!"

That day, you picked out a lovely bouquet of little blue periwinkles, and learned that his name was Jeremiah.

From then on, you would chance upon him more, and more, and more—taking the occasional detour whenever you were free, or even timing your lunch breaks enough so to at least be able to catch a glimpse. For the flowers, of course, you would tell yourself, because each visit, Jeremiah would give you a single stem. "On the house!" he would say, and you would smile.

The first day you met, he'd given you a yellow zinnia.

The second day you met, he'd given you a sunflower.

The third day you met, he'd given you a white camellia.

And the fourth, and the fifth, and the sixth, and onwards—a single flower, handed over with a dismissive excuse of it going with your hair, or your outfit, or your smile—most often accompanied by a nonchalant remark on how pretty you looked.

Sometimes, after that, you'd talk a little. He would ask you about your day, and you would ask him about his day... You've even learned, by now, the things that he liked. Flowers, a given, but also literature—poetry. Though he remarked that lately he hadn't gotten around to reading anything, he's always been quite fond of them.

You found that these little tidbits made him feel less... mysterious, in a sense, and more real. It went without saying that the more you went over to visit, the longer you'd stay—the longer you'd stay, the louder your heart would beat.

In the end, it wouldn't take long before you realized it yourself, but you were no longer going to Philo for simply... the flowers.

And on one particular night, having made it just in time for closing hours, things had started taking a different turn.

...That night had started off innocent.

Cheerful greetings, cheerful chatter—now, you'd grown accustomed to telling him all about how your day or how your week had gone, and then you would never fail to fluster at the way he'd listen to you so attentively. His eyes, you realized, were almost as bright as the sun—honey-brown like his hair, with specks and glimmers of sapphire when the light hit just right enough. If anything else, you thought that a sunflower suited him better than it did you—the cheerful bounce in his curls, and the way his laugh would tinkle in the air and send butterflies into your stomach without even trying.

Perhaps, down bad was an understatement for you.

But no matter how close you had gotten to this boy, you couldn't help but feel as if there was an unknown barrier between the two of you.

That night, Jeremiah gave you a rose.

Cleaned of its thorns, and as pure and pristine as all the other white flowers he'd housed in his store—he tucked it behind your ear, and his gaze softened in a way that you had never seen before.

The air between you was heavy.

But neither of you would make a definitive move.

"Hey, so how are the flowers all doing?" He broke the silence, but his eyes remained steely on yours.

"I'm... taking care of them like I promised to. I still have that bouquet, and I still have all of the other ones you gave me..."

"Hmm." A smile played at his lips, and then he began to list the recent flowers he'd given to you, for the past couple of weeks of your sporadic visits—

"Let's see. Azalea, petunia, iris, lily... a yellow tulip, some lavender—" He stopped, and amusement shone in his eyes. "Hey, don't tell me you're keeping them all in one vase! And with the others, too? That won't make for a pretty bouquet, you know, the colours will all just clash too much!"

You watched as he laughed, but your eyes only furrowed. "What do you mean? I don't have a greenhouse like you do! Might I remind you that I live in an apartment?!"

"I know, I know! But... You didn't really have to keep them..."

"Why not? They're from you..."

Jeremiah's gaze softened.

And then, again, came that same, pensive silence.

And again, you felt like you were drawn to him.

You couldn't have known why.

Despite whatever butterflies and giddiness he'd often bring upon you, it wasn't as if you'd spent all that much time with him—perhaps, you'd try to visit every week if you could, but that was it, wasn't it? A small chat, a few glances... a flower, and then a wave goodbye—

Yet here you were, like a moth to a flame.

"Penny for your thoughts, milady?" he mumbled out as if to bring you out of your reverie, but it almost seemed to you that he was having the same trepidations.

And that nickname.

He would call you by it often—it fell from his lips almost naturally, and then onto your ears equally as naturally. You've always liked the sound of it, reveling in the way he would treat you so sweetly like this, smiling to yourself at the way his eyes would squint in joy whenever he said it.

But, in this situation....

...Closer.

You chanced it, this feeling, and leaned in.

Jeremiah drew in a shaky breath... but he didn't move.

Instead, his eyes—so telling, his eyes—would move downwards over your face, before settling onto your lips.

"...'Miah," you whispered, and you saw him gulp at the nickname. "Can I kiss you?"

Moths, near a flame, never end well. Surely they don't.

But Jeremiah, despite knowing that, had never been happier to oblige.

That night, was the first night he had kissed you. The first time that both of you had given into the thrumming of temptation always in the air; the first time he had you pressed against his counter, hands roaming fondly over your body, kissing you almost as if his life depended on it.

And from that night forward, things changed substantially.

Weekly visits turned to daily—nightly. Chancing upon closing hours became more planned and deliberate, and then the situation would be the same. Lips crashing upon lips, fingers gripping tightly onto fistfuls of hair, the soft resounding of hushed moans into each others mouths.

You no longer remembered when he started becoming more daring, either. When he started sliding his hands underneath your top, when he started kissing at your neck, fingers rubbing your nipples fondly... You don't remember when you made it into his bedroom, having him trace his hands over your thighs, pushing you apart, fingers slipping into your cunt and sliding through your folds in a way that had you absolutely speechless. Or, neither could you remember how on some nights, he had his head between your legs—licking, and sucking, and eating you out, waves of pleasure coarsing through your veins like never before.

No, at this point, you really didn't remember—how many times your night had been filled with him, how many times you would come all over his mouth—his fingers—

How many times you'd moaned his name.

Perhaps, you thought, it might have been the same for him. Your hands, pumping his cock with fervor, tongue swirling around his tip, drinking up ever last drop of cum he would offer you. You knew, by now, that he loved it when your fingers fell through his hair, stroking fondly at his curled tresses, or digging into his scalp as a testament to your passion.

And yet, you'd never gone further.

Each night, you would see a hint of regret flash in his eyes, and though he would hold you, and kiss you, and do everything to ensure you would sleep soundly right beside him...

The ambiguity of your relationship was clear.

The nights would be for pleasure, but there would be nothing more.

No professions of love, no promises of commitment...

Perhaps, the butterflies you'd always felt around him, had also simmered down to nothing but racing heartbeats in anticipation of his touch.

"Does that feel good, pretty?"

Now, Jeremiah had his fingers in your pussy, drinking up the lust in your eyes, watching the way your mouth would hang open in breathless pants.

"Mhm... 'Miah... 'Miah, you're so good..."

He smiled up at you, thumb grazing over your clit, sighing when your head fell back with another moan.

"Staying quiet really was never your strong suit, huh? I love having you like this. You're so, pretty for me, my lady... So pretty..."

"M-Mia—aahn—"

He leaned up to kiss you, his lips feeling home on yours, your back arching to meet the thrust of his fingers.

"You're adorble," he mumbled, lightly onto your lips when he pulled back. "Really adorable. So adorable, damn, I'm so lucky."

Another moan from your mouth, and you tensed beneath him. "C-close!" you cried, "M'gonna— gonna cum!"

"Mhm? Real close, huh, pretty?"

His finger brushed on the spongy spot in your walls, and your high came crashing immediately.

"'Miah! Oh, fuck—'Miah, 'Miah— Jeremiah—"

You groaned as he rode out your orgasm, his fingers slowly pulling out of you, drenched in your slick, and you trembled beneath him with pleasure.

"'Miah..."

"Aww... Now I'm hard for you again..." He almost whined as he pressed against you, the feeling of his bare cock on your folds making you hiss in pleasure.

"Should I..." you panted, chest heaving as you struggled to catch your breath. "Do you want me to suck you off again?"

Your offer came out genuinely, and you propped yourself up on your elbows as if to prepare yourself—but he shook his head, guiding you back down. Jeremiah smiled and placed kisses all over your face, rolling over to lay down next of you as if to make a point. "No need, princess. We've done enough for tonight, right?"

You expected this.

Jeremiah never went too far; always keeping your activities to a minimum, always shaking his head when you asked for more. His self control was impeccable—but it was ironic, almost, considering that these activities had already very much become a nightly adventure.

But you pouted.

Instinctively, you reached out a hand for him to hold; "Why do you hold yourself back when you're with me?"

"What do you mean?"

You could at scoffed at the obviously feigned innocence on his face when he turned to look at you.

"This. You won't let this go... further. Like there's—there's something stopping you, or..." You paused, and squeezed his hand "Jeremiah, what... are we? What are we doing?"

It was a question you'd never dared to ask, but one that you had always felt burning in the back of your mind.

He didn't answer immediately.

You probed him further.

"Even when we're like this, it's almost like... You're still so far away from me. I just... I want to understand where this is all coming from, because, 'Miah, I think I—"

"Don't..."

His voice, interrupting you, was twinged with guilt. He shifted closer enough to cradle you into his chest.

"We're just... We're friends, right? Who just... fool around, from time to time..."

The more words fell out of his mouth, the more he seemed to sound... regretful.

You looked up at him with a searching gaze. "Is that why you'll never really go further than this? Because we're... friends."

He nodded, slowly.

But something wasn't sitting right with you.

It was almost as if he knew something; as if he was hiding something so desperately from you that it was taking every ounce of his being not to give in and tell you everything.

"'Miah..."

"...Ah, fuck—please. Not that nickname, not right now..."

You couldn't understand the pain in his voice.

"...Jeremiah, then."

He looked at you, chewing on the inside of his lower lip, and his eyes held a glimmer of something you couldn't quite understand.

"Do you... Want this, Jeremiah? Is it... Is it not enjoyable for you? If— If you don't want to anymore, then we could just—"

"N-no! It is! God, it is! You're so perfect for me, princ—" the nickname caught in his throat, and he gulped. "Y-you... You always feel so good. I more than want it, I love doing this with you—!"

"Then why are you so sad?"

Your words hung in the air, the silence that followed laying thick with a mix of your emotions. It was almost like he took a moment to process the truth of what you'd said, and then he looked away, gaze flitting to the bedsheets, grip tight around your arms.

"'Miah..."

"No, don't... I— Please. Please, I just—I want you so bad. To have you beneath me—to fuck you, to make love to you... You don't even know how much. And even more than that, I... The more we do this, the more I realize that I don’t want to just fool around with you..."

"Then why don't you? Jeremiah... all this time, I—"

"You're not mine."

You paused. His voice came out barely a whisper, and though he refused to look at you, you could make out the tiny glistening of tears in his eyes.

"What... What do you mean?"

"You... You belong to someone else—"

"No, I don't! I don't have any other man in my life, 'Miah, you know this—"

"But you should!"

"...What? What are you saying?"

He finally looked at you, moving you onto your back once more, clear, pure conflict in his eyes, even as he leaned down to nip at your jawline. His hot, warm breaths were against your skin once more. Immediately you felt your hair raise up, all manner of thoughts seeping through your mind in an instant, desire stirring inside of you—

"'M-Miah..." You drew in a sharp breath. "W-wait, you're not— not making any sense, what's going on...?"

"I can't—I'm not—I'm not supposed to be doing this with you..." His voice shook, but he rolled his hips against yours, and you had to let out a gasp. "I'm not, but I... God, you're just so tempting..."

"I don't... U-understa—ah, shit—!"

"Wh- What's your... call..." Jeremiah let out a shaky breath near your ear, his eyes pleading, his cock resting neatly between your folds, the heat of his touch sending your mind into overdrive. "You— Is it okay? Can I put it in? You... Y-you said..."

Oh...

You swallowed thickly, melting under the intensity in his eyes, failing to hold back a whimper at the way he was sliding against you.

"Yes," you breathed, immediately, wrapping your arms around his neck. "I said yes... I still say yes..."

His hips stuttered at your words, and you could see him grit his teeth as he bit back a loud moan. "O- once. Just once. Once, and I'll pull out, I promise... Just once, let me be inside you..."

Despite the fact that you had already given him consent, he seemed almost as if he was reassuring himself more than you. It didn't sit right with you—something was wrong, and you knew it. Jeremiah wasn't drunk, to have been possibly saying this while not in his right mind, but, this... this was...

What was holding him back?

You, being in such a situation where you understood nothing, didn't know what to do.

Should you stop him...?

Something in your mind was screaming at you to tell him to calm down; what if he didn't truly want this?

But his cock was rubbing so nicely into your clit. You could feel the pool of arousal gather within seconds of him rutting against you, and how—how could you think?

If this were up to you, you've wanted this for so long.

And he was asking you...

He was asking you if he could finally put it inside of you...

You shuddered at the thought, your walls clenching around nothing.

Fuck.

"You can take me, 'Miah," you whispered, breath shaking. You steeled yourself to keep from bucking your hips upwards. "But you have to promise me... Promise me, promise me, that you won't end up regretting it..."

Something flashed in his eyes.

Uncertainty, perhaps—

Jeremiah let out ragged pants, but for a moment, he didn't speak.

Ah...

You moved your hand slowly, trailing his skin before resting to cup his cheek.

"...Do you truly want this, Jeremiah?"

"Yes," he breathed. "Fuck, yes..."

"Okay. I want this, but I'm not forcing you. You have my consent, but I... I want yours."

He sighed, and leaned into your touch, something like a hopeless resignation now made clear in his eyes. He was like a deer in the headlights, almost—so embrolled in whatever internal conflict was at the forefront of his mind, that you almost pitied him. With a pout, you kissed him, slowly, softly, and he lay his forehead to meet yours.

"What if," he whispered, "there was... someone out there, who's loved you all this time?"

"...'Miah?"

"What if... What if I'm stealing you from him? What if it was never supposed to be this way? I just... I feel like... You were never supposed to be mine to hold..."

It wasn't something you could understand at a surface level. You knew that there was more to it—things he couldn't say out loud, and things he couldn't make you understand no matter how hard he tried to.

So you sighed.

"Well, 'Miah, I haven't met him, whoever he is."

"But you hav—"

"The point is that I'm here, now, with you. And, if... If, it makes you feel better, then..." You swallowed your pride, swallowed all the feelings you might have grown for him through your time together, swallowed all hope that you could ever have a normal relationship with him. "We're just... friends, right? Fooling around, like you said. Just... like we've always been doing."

Your heart buzzed, numb, almost.

The look in his eyes told you he didn't believe you; almost as if he'd known, all this time, that you've fallen in love with him, very likely just as he had with you—

But you didn't pay it any mind.

If nothing else, you didn't want to lose what you had now.

It was okay, like this.

You could live with it.

Maybe.

All things considered, your words seemed to bring him to relax just a little bit, and he nuzzled your nose, the fondness in his eyes resurfacing and drowning out any remaining traces of guilt. "Okay," he nodded, "you're right. Of course. We're just... fooling around. Friends, just... fooling around."

It was a false sense of security.

Somehow, the both of you knew it deep in your hearts that you were lying to yourselves.

But it didn't matter, right?

Not when the first push of his tip through your walls had you gasping your air, not when the feel of his length moving right into your cunt felt so perfect—so right. And along with you, Jeremiah let out quiet whimpers, sinking into you slowly, slipping in inch by inch, allowing the both of you to savor this very feeling.

"Holy shit," he cursed, breathless, gritting his teeth as he looked at you almost pleadingly—"How can you feel so good?"

By now he'd bottomed out and your bodies were flush against each other, feeling the echoing of your heartbeats in sync, heavy pants filling the equally weighty silence that followed. Leaning forward slightly, he moved to rest both of your legs on his shoulders, and you couldn't help but moan at the way the slight adjustment had him shifting deeper within you.

"'M-Miah—"

"Fuck, can I... Can I move?" He placed a chaste kiss on the skin of your calf, before letting his hands fall down to your waist, his grip firm yet gentle, his eyes still searching yours almost expectantly.

"Please..."

You could have melted at the way he smiled at you.

And then Jeremiah wasted no time in pulling out, before slowly easing back in. The way your name fell from his lips in a drawn-out moan had you tingling, and you held him tight against you, eyes closing at the way he stretched you out.

He felt so... warm. So safe.

Each of his thrusts were thoughtful, intentional; slow, but long and deep.

Filling.

"S'good, Miah..." you whispered, latching your hands onto his soft curls. "You fit so well..."

"I know... haah... I can't believe we're—I think I'll ruin you for him—"

You didn't dare dwell on his words and only clenched around him at a particularly deep thrust, having the both of you moan in synchrony.

"Fuck! My lady, please— g-go easy on me...!"

"Y-you're the one w-who's so deep—ah—!"

You pulled at his hair, feeling the way the sensitive head of his cock would delightfully brush against your most delicate spot. Your eyes clouded with want, raking your nails over his scalp, shuddering at the way he would moan and moan, on and on about the pleasure of your heat.

"Mhm... so good, 'Miah, s'perfect..." You moaned in tandem with him, whispering praises, matching his thrusts with every movement of your hips. It was too much, almost, even though all he was doing was thrusting into you, doe-like, unfocused eyes transfixed upon your face.

If you weren't lying to yourself, you were inclined to think that he, too, mirrored your exact thoughts.

"Princess... Fuck, my princess..."

Ah. That nickname.

The way his cock would twitch inside you at the mere sound of this nickname from his lips had you gasping, and you wondered, truly, why it had him so worked up. This wasn't the first time you'd seen him so attached to it—but you adored it; you reveled in the way he would use it on you.

"S-say it again," you breathed, heart racing at the wet sounds of your pussy with each of his thrusts, every roll of his hips pushing him so deep inside of you, gliding against that spongy spot. You could barely hold back your moans anymore, words turning into broken, unintelligible whimpers.

"You..." Jeremiah closed his eyes, gritting his teeth, and you felt lightheaded at the image of it in front of you. "Y-you... You like it? When I call you princess?"

Another whine escaped from your lips, and you continue to coax him, pleading him, praising him—anything to get him to bring you closer to your high.

And he listened.

"Fuck, princess— princess, princess, princess— my princess, my pretty, pretty princess—"

Your eyes rolled back as he picked up his pace, precise with his thrusts as the bed rocked steadily beneath you. Cries and moans spilled from your lips, your hands falling to twist into his sheets.

Perfect.

He was perfect.

You'd barely started grinding your hips upwards to meet his thrusts, and then your body was tensing with pleasure

"'M-Miah!" Your fingers raked down to his back, gripping tightly when he hissed into your ear. "M'cumming, 'Miah! M'gonn— I'll—!"

He thrust hard and deep inside of your cunt, and you trembled, crying out his name, mouth falling open—

Jeremiah buried his face into your neck as he pulled out of you, spilling his load all over your chest, broken chants of your name.

"I—fuck—shit—" He whined into your skin, barely lifting himself enough to relax your positions, crawling back over to give you the sweetest of kisses.

"Jeremiah..." You stroked his cheek once more, gently, lost in the way that his eyes would look at you with so much adoration that your heart could beat right out of your chest.

"I..." he started, a pout forming at his lips. "I'm sorry, my lady..."

He didn't explain why, but he didn't need to.

You could see it in his eyes.

His eyes, his ever expressive eyes, holding so much warmth and so much love—

He loved you.

Even though you had dared to reach this illusion of mutual agreement, even if you'd promised yourselves only just a short while ago that this wouldn't happen.

That it couldn't happen.

And you closed your eyes.

"I know," you whispered.

I love you, too.

Your words would remain unsaid.

⁺₊ / an: flower language is cute and the flowers mentioned here represent things like compliments/love/growing attraction! the zinnia symbolises welcoming back a missing friend! because jeremiah would totally flirt via flowers... haha... florist, right....... did i just make myself more attached to him? 4.5k wordcount says yes!!

© rose-tinted-kalopsia. all rights reserved. do not: steal, copy, repost, reupload, modify, or claim any of my works as your own, regardless of credit given. absolutely do not use my works for AI training and other related purposes.

[ist4rgirlo]

── 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐝 - 𝐜.𝐟 : 𝐈

Summary: Now that your life has turned upside down, are you still willing to put your siblings' feelings first? Or would you rather fight for your feelings and do what makes you happy regardless of the consequences that might result in the future?

Next || Conrad Fisher x fem!reader || My blog

Warnings: S2 SPOILERS! angst, mentions of death, swearing (lmk if i missed anything!)

SEQUEL TO BEFORE EVERYTHING HAPPENED.

───────────────────────────

Belly's Pov

Susannah passed a long time ago, it's been a long time since everything went downhill. After Susannah passed, a lot of things happened.

Me and Conrad broke up -- well we decided to take a break to focus on much more important things, like me with my studies and volleyball, him with his mom and also college. We got together again but it didn't work out because we became distant.

I was fired as captain for our volleyball team, I just couldn't focus and totally chickened out -- my mind was full of Susannah and Conrad. I got into a fight with my brother, he basically called me selfish, blamed me for ruining his party, his life just because I fell in love.

My sister won't come out of her room, it felt like she was gone too. She doesn't talk to anybody besides Steven. Conrad and Jeremiah would often reach out to her but she never answers them, she shut everyone out.

We're on our way to the beach house after going to Brown, to look for Conrad. He's been missing classes and hasn't been coming home to his dorm, that's what his roommate said -- so now me and Jeremiah are headed there to find him.

That was always that we thought of that he would go to, after all it was always his safe place.

──────────────────────────

Me and Jeremiah arrived at the beach house. All the memories went back, the laughter, the pranks -- everything but it doesn't feel the same, going back here.

Back then, there was excitement, there was joy. But now -- all I felt was fear, I didn't know what to feel, I don't know what I'll say to Conrad. I don't know what to do if I went inside the beach house,

Jeremiah went inside before me. "What is it now Conrad?" I heard Jeremiah say as I walked inside the beach house.

"The house is for sale." Conrad said, as I walked in the living room -- he turned to me. "What do you mean the house is for sale" I asked, looking at both him and Jeremiah.

"What is she doing here?" Conrad asked Jeremiah, his brows furrowed.

It was weird, it felt like a knife was stabbed in my heart. I felt offended, I felt hurt. This wasn't the Conrad that I fell inlove with.

Conrad explained everything, how Aunt Julia was selling the house. Apparently, after Susannah's death, the house was passed to Aunt Julia. Conrad tried calling his dad but his dad says that the house is legally Aunt Julia's and we can't do anything about it. He also asked his dad if he can buy it but no, he doesn't have the money to do that.

It was his safe place. It was everyone's safe place, everyone loves the beach house, it was our second home. We basically grew up here. Everything in here was Susannah, is Susannah. It was a special place for all of us, it always will be.

"So this is why you haven't answering my calls or going to school?" Jeremiah crossed his arms, brows furrowing.

Conrad groaned "Fuck school! I don't care!"

"Connie you need to go back or you will fail your classes!" Jeremiah yelled at him -- trying to bring some sense in Conrad.

"How are you going to become a doctor if you fail your college classes, Conrad?" I said -- my voice filled with Concern. He was my ex but he was also my bestfriend. I still care for him.

"You have no idea what you're talking about." Conrad said, pointing at me. My brows furrowed, I looked at Jeremiah.

"Seriously?" Jeremiah asked Conrad -- defending me. "We went to Brown to check on your ass. You really don't give a shit on anyone but yourself." Jeremiah said before walking away. Conrad sighed before turning his back on.

He won't even look at me. I totally understand him, after the funeral, after our fight, we never talked again. "Sorry if me being here is weird" I paused "But just let Jeremiah help you, let us help you. This house is important to me as much as it is important to you. If Jeremiah wants to stay here then that's his decision to make, not yours"

He just looked at me before hesitating, it was like he wanted to ask me something but he couldn't, he couldn't bring himself to say it. I knew that it was about my sister. Even when we were together back then, there wasn't a time where he didn't ask me about her, I get it. She was his bestfriend.

"Look, if you're going to ask me about my sister, she's not here." I said before sitting down on the couch.

"Oh" Conrad whispered under his breath -- looking down.

"She hasn't been talking to anybody. She basically shut everyone out so I doubt that she'll come here, not after Susannah passed, but maybe you can get something out of her. After all she's your best friend." I said.

Conrad looked at me -- I smiled at him gently "I-I don"t think so, I've been texting her all this time, everyday.. but she hasn't responded to any of my texts."

"Well have you told her about the house?" I asked. Conrad shook his head no, "You should, maybe that'll make her come here, you never know" I smiled at him.

Conrad looked at me and nodded before pulling his phone out — turning around then walked towards the door.

──────────────────────────

Conrad's Pov

I would be lying if I said that I wasn't disappointed when I didn't see Y/N come in to the view. I'm not saying that I hate Belly being there, but Its just — I feel like Y/N would make it much better — make me feel better, maybe she can get some sense in me — after all, she knows me very well.

Before Belly told me that, I pulled out my phone to text Y/N. I've been messaging her everyday, wanting to know if she's okay, waiting for her response.

I know how much Mom's passing affected her, Mom was like a mother to her too, everyone knew how special their bond is — she was Mom's special girl — will always be.

I went and clicked on my message app and started to text Y/N. I told her about the beach house, hoping that it would make her come here. This house was special to her too, I know how much important it is to her. This is where we all had those happy memories, we had to make it stay that way.

I clicked sent before turning my phone off and putting it in my right pocket. I reached on my left pocket, fidgeting with the small box that contains an infinity ring. The infinity ring that I was supposed to give Y/N before we had that talk about me, Belly and her. ───────────────────────────

taglist : @maybankslover @urmomisafinewoman @user3729107491 @melllinaa @anthgoldenhrry @arunabrak @amj2277 @whoisalexa @remuslupinwifee @gulphulp @layanderson @astrvalee @goldenmoonbeam @podiumprincess @johannelis2302nely @silcintilla @smw-96 @apollo3475 @drikawinchester @fangirl-kimora @sanjanapm @milyswrld @scysuxx

hi you guys !! the sequel is finally here :)) I decided to just leave the taglist as it is, I hope that is okay for everyone but yeah ITS FINALLY HERE !!

i am so so excited for everyone to readt it :)) i am so thankful for everyone who has been giving me love recently, I appreciate all of you <3

as usual, lmk if you guys want to get tagged for the next part !! also lmk if you have any requests :))

[heavcnslyre]

chapter three — j.f. ( masterlist )

LOVER, YOU SHOULD’VE COME OVER.

“maybe i'm too young to keep good love from going wrong

but tonight, you're on my mind so, you’ll never know”

taglist: @jellybassett @glowingtree

(authors note PLEASE READ: you guys are the SWEETEST ever omg the amount of love i’ve gotten on this so far is insane. i appreciate, and reread over and over again, every single comment or reblog i get, it genuinely keeps me so motivated to write and i appreciate you guys so so much you have no idea. i haven’t written in forever so i excepted no one to like this fic but so far you guys have proven that to be not true and it brings me so much joy. i plan for this to be long!! idek how many parts i’m just gonna keep writing chapters until the story ends!! i cannot guarantee how often updates will be but i’ll write my ass off as much as i can for a while!! all the love in the world to you guys!!! enjoy!!)

you wake up the next morning with no messages from peter. this, usually wouldn’t be strange since he often slept in later than you, but he didn’t even reply to your message from last night at ten thirty. he never went to bed earlier than two in the morning. a gross, nervous feeling creeps up on you. you try to shake it off, thinking that maybe he just fell asleep early when he hadn’t heard from you. that’s what you would keep telling yourself.

downstairs in the kitchen, steven and jeremiah were sitting on stools at the counter, comparing their cereals. belly was at the table, studying the pancakes she was eating. susannah was cooking more pancakes at the stove. “morning (y/n)!” susannah greets you as you enter the room. jeremiah looks up at you and when you make eye contact, he gives you a forced smile and then looks back down at his cereal. he’d been acting weird since last night, when you told him about peter. it actually sort of made you feel bad, that you didn’t tell him sooner. he was clearly bothered by it or offended about you not telling him. the last thing you wanted to do was make things weird between the two of you, and that’s exactly what you did.

“morning susannah,” you smile at her. “can i have some pancakes?”

“absolutely you can!” she exclaims, flipping a pancake over onto a plate. “give me two minutes and they’ll be ready.”

“thanks susannah,” you say then walk over to sit with belly at the table. she smiles at you, her mouth full of pancakes.

“what are you doing today?” she asks you. you shrug.

“dunno. what were you thinking?”

“you should take me driving,” belly smiles cheekily. you laugh. she always asked to go driving ever since you got your license, but you didn’t mind. she had told you before that she trusted you the most to teach her how to drive without being too judgmental.

“sure, bells,” you say. “you can drive me into town to grab some stuff from the store.”

“bonfire tonight, (y/n),” steven turns to face you. “don’t forget.”

you nod. “would never.”

“can i go?” belly asks, looking between the two of you. steven looks at jeremiah then laughs.

“belly, that’s not really your scene,” steven says. “you’ve never gone before.”

“well i wanna go now,” she looks at you. “please?”

you look at steven, who shakes his head. you shrug. “i don’t know, belly. isn’t tonight usually your movie night?”

“it is,” susannah appears with a plate of pancakes for you. you thank her as she sets them down. “but we could always reschedule if belly wanted to go to a party with her siblings.”

“see?” belly says. “even susannah doesn’t think it’s a bad idea.”

“don’t get me too involved, now,” susannah tucks belly’s hair behind her ear. “i have no opinion on the matter except for i want you to do whatever makes you happiest.”

“i think you should come, belly,” jeremiah speaks up for the first time since you’ve gotten downstairs. everyone turns to look at him and he shrugs. he won’t look at you. “it would be fun if you were there.”

“it’s decided then,” belly says. “i’m going with!”

“better make sure it’s okay with mom first,” steven tells her, but she waves him off, finishing her pancakes and going to rinse off her plate.

“(y/n), i’ll be in the pool. come get me when you’re ready to go!”

“thirty minutes after eating before you can swim!” susannah calls out to her, but belly was already gone. susannah shakes her head, but there’s a smile on that face. “that girl.”

soon enough, you and belly are in the car, her driving you both into town. the music was blasting and the windows were down, hair whipping everywhere, but neither of you cared.

“what do you have to get from town?” belly asks.

“some hair stuff and i wanna go to that one boutique we found last year and see if they have anything cute,” you reply. she grins.

“i completely forgot about that place!”

“me too until i was packing for this trip and found my skirt i got from there last year,” you and belly had always looked around different shops in town, mainly window-shopping and judging the clothes that were sold in those shops. they were so extremely over priced and half of them looked like something your grandmother would wear. that was, until last summer, when you found the most gorgeous hot pink skirt on a sale rack at a new boutique. you could not stop thinking about it after you left, so the next day you and belly went back so that you could buy it. you wore that skirt constantly. the thing you remembered most about it was the way that jeremiah had looked at you the first time you had worn it. he made you feel so special just from one look, so that skirt became a staple piece in your wardrobe after that. when you started dating peter, you stopped wearing the skirt. it was such a small, meaningless idea that he looked at you special when you wore a random skirt, but it meant a lot to you at the same time. enough that it felt like betrayal to pack the skirt to bring to cousins, so you left it at home.

you and belly spend the afternoon at the shops, picking out outfits for each other to try and laughing at the ridiculousness you put each other through. as you’re getting ready to leave, before she starts the car, belly turns to you. “(y/n).”

“what’s up bells?”

“have you noticed anything…different, about conrad?” she sounds hesitant to ask you, and almost whispers his name. you sigh.

“sorta,” you say. “i was talking to jere last night and he told me that things were weird with him. he doesn’t know why, but it’s been months. he quit the football team.”

“what!?” belly exclaims. “no way. he loves football, i thought he was gonna play in college.”

you shrug. “so did everyone. he just changed things out of nowhere. jere said that he won’t ever say anything and pretends nothing is wrong, but he hasn’t really tried talking to him. you know how guys are with each other. talking about stuff like that does not come easy.”

belly nods, staring down at the steering wheel. you touch her arm gently. “hey, maybe you should talk to him.”

“me?”

“yeah bells. he’s happier around you, even if you don’t see it. maybe he’ll talk to you.”

she sighs. “i don’t know (y/n). he seems mad at me. like, every time we’ve talked, he is so different,” she glances over at you. “you know how i feel about him. i just…i hate the thought of losing him.”

“you won’t. i promise you, you won’t. he’ll open up. you sure as hell did not do anything wrong, it’s probably just something small he needs to work through. everything will work itself out.”

belly smiles at you gratefully. “thank you, (y/n). i think i would go crazy without you.”

“that is exactly what a big sister is for.”

she starts the car and begins to drive away. “so, another thing… do you think i should be a debutant?”

“a debutant?” you ask, shocked. “belly, when i was considering it last summer you seemed disgusted.”

“i know,” she sighs. “but susannah asked me to do it…and i know she was bummed when you didn’t do it last year so i just figured….” she trails off, but she didn’t have to finish. susannah had asked you last year to be a deb and you were going to do it, you really were. you even started looking for dresses and planning everything. that was, until jeremiah announced that he had no intention of ever being an escort to the deb ball. it had felt like such an indirect that it completely killed all of your interest in the ball. he was the only person you had even considered asking to be your escort, and he so openly hated the idea of being one, so you figured that was a sign that it wasn’t right for you. if you were honest, you always regretted it.

“you should do it,” you say after a while. “you’re right, it would make susannah happy. and i’m sure you’ll have no problem finding an escort. it’d be a lot of fun to watch.”

“you think so?”

“definitely.”

belly nods, but doesn’t say anything, focusing on the road. you do the same thing, staring forward. part of you still wondered if jeremiah would have been your escort if you had asked. the other part of you hates yourself for thinking that you would be the exception.

later that night, you’re standing and staring at your closet, trying to figure out what to wear to the bonfire. you brought a few dresses and skirts, but suddenly, you hated everything you owned. this bonfire was super fun every year and the best way to start out the summer, so you felt so much pressure to pick out something cute.

“hey,” jeremiah appears in your doorway, ready to go. “you about ready?”

“yeah,” you sigh. “just gotta figure out what to wear.”

“hm,” he thinks for a second, walking towards your closet. “you still have that pink skirt from last summer? that was good.”

you look down. “uh, left it at home.”

“oh,” he says, a hint of disappointment in his voice. then, he clears his throat and turns his back to you, facing your clothes. he looks for a second before grabbing a blue sundress and handing it to you. “here. this is perfect.”

you look at the dress and smile. it was one of your favorite dresses, simple and comfortable but super cute. of course jeremiah would pick out a sundress for you to wear. he always claimed that girls in sundresses were his weakness.

“okay. get out so i can change,” you push him out the door and he laughs as you do, allowing you to close the door in his face. you change quickly and find a pair of sandals to go with the dress, check your hair and makeup one last time, then you went downstairs to meet everyone else. conrad and belly were sitting on opposite sides of the couch, steven in the middle of them (which looked like it was awkward for all three of them), and jeremiah sat in the chair by the couch, staring at his phone. when steven sees you come down, he shoots up from his seat and claps his hands. “alright! let’s get going! jere’s driving, i call shotgun!”

you make eye contact with jeremiah who smiles at you after looking you up and down. you feel yourself blush at his gaze. he always did this to you. you felt so special just by him looking at you. it was stupid, honestly. that’s just how he was.

the five of you pile out of the house and into jeremiah’s car, you, conrad, and belly squished into the back while steven and jeremiah sat in the front seat of the car, singing their hearts out to taylor swifts ‘cruel summer.’ they were insane when it came to her music, but neither of them would ever admit it.

as soon as you arrive at the beach, steven jumps out of the car. he’s halfway to the fire by the time you even open your car door, and conrad and jeremiah are following close behind him, leaving you and belly to walk down on your own. you glance over at belly, who is staring at the group of people on the beach, a nervous look on her face. you throw your arm around her. “it’ll be okay bells. it’s actually fun here, promise. just…don’t talk to anyone weird. or too old. and if you get uncomfortable just come find me. we’ll figure it out.”

she smiles at you gratefully. “thank you, (y/n). i’ll be okay. you go have fun with your friends.”

you squeeze her shoulder gently as your friend nicole waves you over. “love you bells.”

“love you too.”

you hurry over to nicole and hug her tightly. “oh, nicole! it’s so good to see you!”

“it’s so good to see you too!” she exclaims. as you pull away from the hug, she offers you a beer and you take it. “how have you been?”

“so good,” you tell her. “the school year was great and i actually have a boyfriend back home!”

“ohhh!!” nicole squeals. “what’s his name? how long have you been together? tell me everything.”

you fill her in on all of the details of your relationship, with her squealing excitedly at the end of almost every sentence. as soon as you finish talking, you feel a hand on your shoulder, and turn to see your friend shayla. it was your turn to squeal in excitement as you hug her tightly, then nicole does the same.

“shayla! i didn’t know you were coming this early!” nicole exclaims. shayla shrugs.

“yeah, mum and dad decided we’d come now rather than later,” shayla replies. “deb season, you know? they want me to be prepared.”

“oh, don’t remind me,” nicole sighs. “i’m helping as a big sister this year. i don’t know if i’m ready to go through it again.”

shayla laughs. “cant be that bad! at least, that’s what i’m telling myself.”

“do you know who’s gonna escort you?” nicole asks. shayla glances at you quickly.

“well, it’s so early, i don’t know…”

nicole scoffs. “shayla, you are the most prepared and efficient person i know. i know you have someone in mind.”

“well,” shayla gives you an embarrassed smile. “i was kinda thinking i would try to get to know steven more. see if he would escort me.”

both of the girls look at you, waiting for your reaction. usually, you hated when girls had a crush on your brother. at school, girls who did would try to become friends with you to get closer to him, and it was tiring. but this was different. shayla was one of the most kind, incredible people you have ever met. you knew she had no ill intentions. also, steven could use a good influence like her in his life. “that sounds like a great idea, shayla.” you say sincerely. she breathes an obvious sigh of relief.

“i’m so glad you said that,” she says. “i would never wanna pursue something if it meant it would hurt our friendship. no man is worth that.”

you nod. “you’re so right.”

nicole’s eyes drift over your shoulder. “i’m, uh…i’ll be right back.”

without either of you replying, she walks away. you watch her as she walks directly to conrad, who had apparently been by himself in that moment. you and shayla look at each other and laugh.

“she is so down bad for him,” shayla says. you nod.

“painful to watch sometimes.”

shayla laughs again. “well, i’ll see you later too, (y/n). i’m gonna go talk to steven.” you grin at her.

“have fun!”

as soon as she walks away and you’re left on your own, your phone buzzes. you pull it out to see a text from peter. finally. it had only been all day since you’d heard from him.

peter: been busy today babe sorry for not replying

peter: at party rn it’s super fun!

peter: look at this video lol there was a tall ass diving board i jumped in fully clothed

peter: (attachment, one video)

you smile at his messages and click on the video he sent you. it took a moment to load, but once it did, you almost dropped your phone in shock. it wasn’t a video of him jumping off the diving board. it was a video of him making out with a random girl. you watch in pure shock, unable to move. as the video goes on, you realize it wasn’t a random girl. it was cassie, your best friend. you watch the video closely, hoping for any sign that this was some sort of a dare or big joke, but there was nothing. they were just heavily making out, his hands up her shirt and her hands in his hair, and someone just happened to be filming on peter’s phone.

peter: oh shit

you stare at your phone for a full minute after the video ended, unsure what to do next. then, looking at your other hand, you knew. you chugged the rest of your beer, found a cooler, and chugged another one. when you started your third one, you felt a hand on your shoulder. “hey.”

you turn around to see jeremiah standing there, smiling at you. “you having fun?” he asks. you nod, chugging almost half of the new beer in one sip.

“so much fun,” you finish off the third beer and go to grab another one, but jeremiah grabs your hand.

“wait, be careful,” he says. “how many have you had?”

“that was like, my first,” you lie, opening a new beer. “don’t worry, jere. i’ll be fine. just having some fun.”

he stares at you, a concerned look on his face. “(y/n), you never drink like this. what’s going on?”

“nothing!” you say cheerfully. “just trying to start the summer out right,” you look around and see a group of people dancing nearby. you take a sip of your beer and motion towards them. “i’m going to dance.”

“(y/n),” jeremiah calls, but you were already stumbling away from him, towards the people dancing. shayla and steven were in that group, shayla doing more dancing than steven was, but both of them looking like they were having fun nonetheless. shayla grins at you as you approach, grabbing your free hand and spinning you around. you giggle and dance with her for a while, finishing off your beer as you do. you were definitely drunk at this point, which wasn’t hard for you, since you were a lightweight. at things like this, you usually stopped at one beer or seltzer, so you definitely were not used to four. it was good, though. it made you forget about peter and cassie betraying you.

it made you forget until now.

if you were honest, it didn’t surprise you as much as you thought it would. cassie had been the one to introduce you to peter, and she always had a weird connection to him. you almost felt stupid for not seeing this coming sooner. most of all though, you were just angry. angry at peter for leading you on and cheating on you. angry at cassie for supposedly being your best friend and then doing this the second you’re not in town. angry at both of them for ruining the one good thing you had in a long time. as you walk towards the beer cooler again, jeremiah catches up to you and grabs your arm, holding you back. “okay, no. i’m cutting you off, (y/n).”

“let go of me,” you grumble quietly, trying to free yourself from his grip, but he was much stronger than you. he grabbed your other arm so you were forced to face him.

“(y/n), what’s going on with you?”

“nothing!” you yell at him, catching the attention of a few people around you, but you were too far gone to care. “nothings going on with me! i’m just trying to have a good time, okay?”

jeremiah smiles awkwardly at a few people around you, trying to divert the attention away from the two of you. “i know you, (y/n). why are you acting like this? you’re never like this.”

“so what?” you say. “so what if i am?”

a few girls call jeremiah’s name and attempt to wave him over to them, but he ignores them. “come on, we should get you home.”

“i don’t wanna go home,” you say hardly, looking him in the eyes. he looks genuinely concerned for you. somehow, you couldn’t find it in yourself to care. “i wanna stay here.”

“(y/n)…” he’s cut off by the sound of police sirens and people yelling and scrambling around to pick up the beer cans and leave quickly. jeremiah swears under his breath and grabs your hand, pulling you away from the beach. “guess you have no choice.”

the two of you run towards his car, following everyone else who was running away from the scene. you look around frantically, but can’t find belly, conrad, or steven. “jere, wait, where’s everyone else?”

jeremiah shakes his head. “i’ll find them in a second. gotta get you to the car.”

“but belly, jere,” you say. “she’s probably scared shitless.”

he shakes his head again. “she found someone to hang out with. i’m sure she’s with him. i’m sure it’ll be fine.”

“but—“

“i’ll find her, (y/n).” he cuts you off. “just please get in the car first.” at this point, he sounds like he’s begging you. you look him in his eyes but have to look away quickly. the desperation in his expression was too painful to look at. you nod.

“okay.”

he squeezes your hand then opens the passenger door for you, allowing you to climb in. “i’ll be right back, okay? stay here.”

and with that, he’s running back towards the beach like he was superman. at that moment, it felt like he was, honestly. running back towards the cops in order to save everyone else. you weren’t sure that you knew many people who would do that. while you’re still alone in the car, you pull out your phone to finally reply to peter, who had texted you again, five times.

peter: (y/n) omg i’m so sorry

peter: wrong video but i swear it’s not what it looks like

peter: we’re both so drunk we were dared to do it and that’s why it was recorded

peter: please (y/n) please we didn’t mean it

peter: please believe me

you: fuck you

and with that, you block his number, and set your phone down. you wonder if you would have that much confidence if you were sober. you wonder if you would believe him if you were sober. it was a good thing that you weren’t, you figured. it was for the best. two months didn’t have to mean much, right? just a silly little mistake you made to date him that ended badly, but it didn’t matter, right? yeah your best friend betrayed you, but no worries, right?

suddenly, you realize that you are crying. sobbing, actually. uncontrollable sobs escape from your lips and you sit in the dark car, alone, sobbing your heart out. how was this fair? what did you do to deserve to lose your best friend and boyfriend all at once? the fact that if he hadn’t accidentally sent you that video then you never would have known made it worse. it made you wonder if this had been going on for a while, and he had just slipped up now. you could not stop crying.

even when the car doors opened and jeremiah slid into the seat next to you, you could not stop crying. he looks at you, shocked. “(y/n)?” he asks softly, unsure. the rest of the car is quiet, but you could feel everyone else’s presence in the backseat. you shake your head.

“i’m… i’m fine,” you say unconvincingly. “i’ll be, i’ll be okay.” you nod at jeremiah, who was staring at you with the same desperation on his face from before. he seems unconvinced, but starts the car, glancing at you again before he drives away. in the dark, he reaches over and grabs your hand, holding it tightly in his. you continue to cry silently for the rest of the ride home, squeezing his hand with both of yours.

[anamericangirl]

What’s a good reason to not take my own life? I’ve been feeling this way for years. Been to multiple treatment programs. Seen by several different therapists. Anti-depressants. I frequently go outdoors to exercise. Try to fill up my life with being optimistic about my (admittedly nice) job, hobbies, travel, and volunteering. And yet I’m still no better than I was 5 years ago and I have no hope about a happy future. “Your family will miss you.” Ok, and? I think it’s selfish to tell people in pain to continue living like that because some people might temporarily feel sad. They’ll eventually move on. My friends too, especially the ones who are happily married “to their best friends” and having babies and are so happy that they forget I exist.

Hey anon I hope I am not too late! I am just getting out of a hurricane and was without internet access for several days so i apologize for the delay.

But there are so many reasons not to take your own life. In fact, I can’t think of a single reason why you should.

I know it’s tough right now and trust me, I know that depression makes it all feel pointless and worthless and can plague you for years but even though if feels like forever I promise you these feelings and this depression and your circumstances are TEMPORARY. And it would be a tragedy for you to take your life over temporary circumstances and not see what is possible on the other side.

Yes your family and friends will miss you but you should stay because your life has purpose and meaning! Therapy and anti-depressants are good and I’m glad you’ve been trying those things because that means you don’t actually want to die - you just want the pain to stop. And that’s completely understandable and also manageable!

It’s great that you’ve been continuing to exercise and do volunteer work because those things can definitely impact your mood, but they aren’t the source of true joy, peace and happiness. Now I’m a Christian so I’m sure it won’t surprise you for me to say this, but what you are looking for and what you need can only come from God. I urge you to put your faith and trust in him and give him your burdens.

The devil has a hold on you right now, don’t let him win!

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” - Isaiah 41:10

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. - Jeremiah 29:11

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” - John 10:10

“Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.” - psalm 55:22

“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. The righteous person may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all.” - psalm 34:18-19

But now that I’ve gone on my spiel, here are some reasons I think it’s good to keep living. Not all my original thoughts but ones i agree with.

1. You matter

2. No one else is you.

3. Your younger self

4. Your next favorite song.

5. Warm blankets.

6. Thunderstorms

7. The fact that you’re in control of your future.

8. Experiencing new cultures.

9. Making new friends.

10. Road trips.

11. Sunsets and sunrises.

12. Reading good books.

13. Learning a new language.

14. Adopting a pet.

15. Fresh baked bread and cookies.

16. Getting packages in the mail.

17. Autumn.

18. Pumpkin spice.

19. Drinking coffee in the morning.

20. Beaches and being able to sink your toes into the sand.

21. Stepping on crunchy leaves.

22. Recovery.

23. Falling in love.

24. Rain.

25. Petting puppies and kittens.

26. Drinking water.

27. Trying something new and loving it.

28. Your favorite artist putting out new music.

29. A new season on your favorite TV show.

30. Planting a garden and growing your own vegetables.

31. Farmers Markets.

32. Trying out the newest local coffee shop or restaurant.

33. Karaoke

34. All of the people you have yet to meet.

35. Horseback riding

36. Stars.

37. Ice cream.

38. Ice tea.

39. Scented candles.

40. Learning something new.

41. Museums.

42. Going to the movies.

43. Hearing your favorite song come on the radio.

44. Learning to make a new recipe.

45. Your life is precious.

46. You are enough.

47. Random acts of kindness.

48. God looked at the world and thought it needed you.

49. Your story could save someone else.

50. Looking back on this time in 10 years and realizing you made it.

There’s an endless amount of reasons to stay alive and I hope some of them resonate with you.

But if you are desperate please reach out to the suicide prevention hotline at 988. If you are outside the US then you can find the number for your location here.

Please know that I am praying for you and please reach out to me again if you want to. I would love to keep up with how you are doing 💜

[mvltisstuff]

plz do some conrad head cannons i loved ur cam ones🙏🙏🙏

hc’s for conrad!!

babe

anyway

i feel like conrad would be a little tough to crack open at first, like he’d open up slowly but surely

once he does, he adores when people genuinely listen to him and help him process

when he feels comfortable, if he has a panic attack, he knows he can go to you for comfort and he doesn’t have to be afraid

if you’re anxious, he’s def the type of guy to hold you until you calm down, and then talk about it if you still want to

before susannah’s death, she always noticed his smile get bigger when he was with you and it always reappeared after her death

i feel like bro def would get a good therapist (someone get him one ‼️)

he pretends to hate the nickname connie but secretly loves it whenever you say it

gets turned on by the most random things, even if they’re little

i know him and jere have their little moments but i feel like he’d genuinely do anything for his little brother

keep in mind i haven’t read the books so i’m not fully sure what happens 😭 i know some major plot points but no details really

if you get insecure, he always slyly shoots out little compliments and makes sure other people say you look amazing (you do)

he’s usually civil, but the second someone says something to you, it’s game over

FUCKS UP mario kart wii and had to finish jeremiah’s laps for him when they were younger

wants to call people his best friend, but isn’t sure if he’s theirs (same)

i think once he learns how to properly communicate (no hate), he would have a really good relationship with you

if you argue about something, he stays up all night thinking about it in fear of losing you. even if he thinks he’s right, he’ll try and make it up to you

bro i know the fishers grew up drinking milk with dinner every. single. night.

i feel like he would be cold a lot (idk why) but he always curls up more to you if he does

definitely active on twitter and always retweets the weird, funny tweets (or x i guess, kiss my ass elon!)

whenever he’s soaking wet, it’s a must that he runs up to you and shakes his hair and pecks your cheek (cannon???)

bro has a blankie idc (this is me projecting)

this is so mean but he 100% scared susannah whenever she walked into a room (probably before being diagnosed again 💀)

has a private story that he NEVER uses unless it’s to post embarrassing pics of everyone else

made his snap username something so humiliating and shut down whenever someone mentioned it

cried tears of joy when the update came out where you could change it

i tried to add a few silly ones in there, but i hope you enjoy these <3

[taylorsv3rsion13]

we never go out of style || c.f.

CONTENTS

CHAPTER ONE

CHAPTER TWO

CHAPTER THREE

CHAPTER FIVE

CHAPTER SIX

words : 2.8k

synopsis : things were always rocky for conrad and you. after the whole break up, will everything be the same the year later? or will it all turn to shit.

There's always something about biking early in the morning in your pajamas during summer. It's calming, peaceful almost.

I walked over to the kitchen, hearing multiple voices.

"Good morning." I said chirpy enough.

Laurel stopped talking to the boys, turning all her attention to me, "Where have you been? And is that a bruise forming on your head?"

"Oh yeah, I ran into the door frame earlier, it's fine." I said, sitting down at the table and pouring myself a glass of orange juice.

I watched as Conrad began to pour a bowl of cereal. He soon pushed it across the table.

"Oh, thanks." I said, giving him a quick smile.

"No problem." He walked over to the couch, fully sprawling out.

I looked over to Jeremiah who was making some green drink of sorts, "What are you making?" I asked, my head motioning towards the blender.

"My hangover smoothie, it cures all." He said, giving me a smile.

Susannah bursted into the room, her face full of joy. "Belly and Y/N are going to be debutante's!"

Belly and I looked at each other, before laughing a little.

"Did you just say those two are going to be debutantes? Y/N and Belly?" Steven asked as he pointed at us.

This had seen to gain Conrad's attention as he began to look at us.

Laurel seemed like she was getting a headache as Susannah began talking about everything that was going to happen in the span of two months.

Savannah gasped sending all of us to look at her, "We need to go shopping!" Savannah exclaimed.

Laurel sighed, "This sounds expensive."

"Oh don't worry Laur, it's on me. Tell your mom that i'll buy your stuff as well." Susannah said to me.

"But-" I began

"It's my idea after all and we'll get to style you two!"

Laurel looked at Belly and I, "Are you two sure you guys wanna do this? It barely seems like Belly, and it's not even what you would do, Y/N."

"It's not something Y/N would do." Conrad said all the way from the couch. All of us turned our heads to him.

"Well, which one of you is going to be Belly or Y/N's escort to the ball?" Susannah asked, trying to relieve the tension.

"Not me, I went last year." Conrad said.

"I wouldn't choose you either way." I said out loud. He only stared at me in response.

Jeremiah smiled, "Yeah, and I swore off balls."

"We'll find our own dates, it's fine." Belly said to Susannah as she smiled at us.

Laurel looked at Belly and I, raising an eyebrow, "Wikipedia says that debutante balls require social etiquette..."

Conrad sighed loudly, "I'm going out for a swim."

The boys all said their goodbyes as Susannah persuaded Laurel as much as she could.

"Hurry up and finish eating! We have shopping to do!" Susannah said excitedly.

We went into town and started off at mini boutiques with somewhat casual attire. We needed these lace hat things called fascinators.

The two of us laughed as we tried on different outfits and hats.

Soon we were trying on white dresses that looked like they were wedding dresses.

I walked out of the fitting room in a no strapped white dress with a large white bow right in the front. It was poofy and bad.

"I don't think this is the one." I said as I laughed a little. Belly agreed with me as she also ran back to try on a new dress.

I tried on another dress and it was much simpler than the first, yet Susannah still wanted a bow on it. On my body it was quite pretty though.

Susannah gasped loudly as I stepped out of the dressing room.

"Laurel, I think that's the one." She said happily.

Laurel also agreed as she looked at me with practically heart eyes.

Belly came out a few moments later in her dress which we said yes to as well. It was a lacy one with straps that were off the shoulders.

"You look gorgeous, Bells!" I said as I looked at her.

As we made our way to the cashier, Susannah took my dress to pay for first.

"How about this one?" The cashier asked as she pointed to a silky dress.

There was one strap that was on the shoulder and the other half off the shoulder. Parts of fabric also created a beautiful effect on it. (i'm thinking about the vivian westwood ones)

"Oh no, that's much to simple." Susannah said to the cashier.

Laurel raised a brow, "But it does seem like Y/N... and that one does seem like Belly as well."

Susannah turned to Laurel, "Trust me, these girls go all out."

Laurel drove us the next day to the tea party for the debutantes.

"Thank you, Laurel." I said as we exited the car.

"Girls?"

We turned back towards her.

"If anything bad happens like the girls or mean or even the food sucks, you know you can always text me and i'll come straight away."

"We'll be fine." Belly reassured.

"Use our code phrase and i'll be there as soon as I can."

"Okay, okay."

"You remember it from when you were little, right?"

"Yes, yes, lemon jelly belly."

"You use it too, okay Y/N?" Laurel said.

I nodded yes in response.

Laurel smiled at us, "Okay have fun!"

Belly was wearing a light blue and white checkered dress. It had little tiny flowers on it as well, but they looked like pineapples. Her fascinator was pink, and she looked absolutely gorgeous.

I was wearing a beautiful dark red dress that had a low cut with embroidered flowers on it. I also wore a pink fascinator but it resembled more of a flower.

I turned around and Jeremiah came running at the two of us.

"Oh my god, uh, you both. I couldn't even recognize you guys."

Belly and I laughed, "Do we look like fools?" I asked.

"No, no, you guys look good, don't worry. Let me walk you guys over."

We walked in silence for a moment.

"Are those pineapples?" Jeremiah asked Belly, pointing to her dress.

"No they're flowe- have you ever seen a flower before?"

"Jeremiah."

"Paige."

"Where's your shirt?" The lady at the front asked.

"It's always a pleasure." Jeremiah smiled

"Oh right, this is Belly. I mean Isabel Conklin." He introduced Belly, "And this is Y/N L/N, my future wife that my mom had told you about." Jeremiah joked.

I hit him in the chest.

Paige raised her eyebrow, "They're late."

"We are so sorry." I said.

"You guys are sitting at table two."

"Are those those little Brie and fig jam sandwiches with the prosciutto?" Jeremiah asked, pointing at the small sandwiches.

"Don't you dare." Paige said sternly.

I watched as Jeremiah grabbed a sandwich quickly. He gave Belly and I a small kiss on the cheek after, "Know 'em dead." And then he bolted out the door.

"Jeremiah! Those are for the girls!" Paige yelled.

I looked over to table two and I immediately recognized two girls sitting next to an empty chair. One was Nicole who was with Conrad at the bonfire, and the other I'm pretty sure was Shayla. She was with Steven.

There were a couple 'hi's' said around as we made our way tot he table. Belly sat across from me.

"Hey." Shayla said.

"Hi." I responded, situating myself in my chair.

She looked at my face for an extra minute, "Is that from the other night?" She pointed to my forehead.

"Oh yeah, it's nothing though." I reassured her.

She began rummaging through her bag, pulling out some foundation and concealer.

"Here, i'll fix it." Shayla smiled.

I allowed her to fix up the bruise.

Shayla smiled again, "It looks pretty good."

"Thank you." I smiled.

There were a bunch of different conversations going on. One about Dara and her girlfriend and another about something else I totally didn't catch.

"Oh, Belly and Y/N are only sophomores. Right?" Nicole asked from beside me.

"Yeah, we're juniors in the fall." I said, a smile on my face as I looked at Belly.

"We've seen Belly, but Y/N, is this your first summer here?" Nicole asked.

"Oh no, I've been coming here since I was a baby." I explained.

"Yeah, she's like Belly. They're family friends with Conrad and Jeremiah." One of the girls said.

A girl named Gigi looked at me, "U-um are you and Jeremiah like a thing... or are you taking him to the ball?"

I just sat there in shock, barely being able to say a thing.

Shayla also stared at her in shock, "Oh my god back off Geeg."

"What it was just a question!" Gigi said.

"They're like basically related, you have nothing to worry about" Nicole explained as she also gave me a smile.

"I'm not worried!" Gigi said.

"Mhm, keep telling yourself that." Shayla said jokingly.

Shayla turned to me, "Gigi has had a thing for Jeremiah ever since he got abs last summer."

Gigi looked on fire, "Relax, I'm not into Jeremiah." Shayla reassured.

"Yeah because you're eye-fucking that waiter." Gigi retorted

"Dude, that's Belly's brother." Shayla said, mouth wide open

There were numerous different reactions to that statement.

Nicole interrupted, putting her hand on my leg, "So, what's it like living with Conrad and Jeremiah? Belly has already answered, but it's got to be like a different reaction for everyone."

"Yeah, Conrad's so mysterious." Someone said.

I just stammered for a moment. These people didn't know, I guess.

Paige began talking and I watched as Shayla took out a metal flask from her bag.

She poured a bit into her tea cup and then passed it down. The rest of the girls continued to pass the flask down until it landed to me.

Paige had said something about having a big sister.

"Hey little sis." Nicole smiled.

I laughed softly, "Hey."

"Don't be worried, you'll actually have a lot of fun. I dreaded this last year, but my big sis was amazing." Nicole reassured. "Want some?" She held the flask to me.

"Oh no, I'm okay thank you."

I looked across the table at Belly after she had kicked me rather harshly.

'I'll be right back' She mouthed to me. I nodded as I watched her get up and leave.

"What is that about?" A girl asked at the table, but I didn't reveal Belly's little secret.

I laid on Savannah's bed as Belly continued to get ready for her little date with Cam Cameron.

"Catch" I said as I threw her my lipstick. She had always said how much she liked it. "You can have it."

She looked at me excitedly, "Really?"

I laughed a little, "Yes, of course."

"You're going to have so much fun tonight and you look so pretty." Savannah admired.

"We're just going to watch a movie." Belly laughed lightly.

Laurel came into the room, looking at Belly as well, "You look nice, hon."

She sat next to Savannah on the foot of the bed. "I can't believe crop tops are back in style." Laurel laughed.

"Have fun tonight." Savannah called out as Belly and I began to walk out the room door.

"Are they not driving with us?" Laurel questioned.

"Belly's got a date with a boy!" I said in a sing song voice.

"Did Belly not tell you?" Susannah asked.

Belly gave this who schpeel about how smart Cam Cameron was which made me laugh.

We walked down the stairs and the boys were playing on the TV. There were multiple shouts and other things going on which was funny.

I stood at the mirror with Belly.

"You look so beautiful." I said to her, hugging her from the side.

"Aww, I love you Y/N." She said, giving me a kiss on the cheek.

I smiled at her, "Be safe, and be smart!" I said to her as she left the house.

I walked over to the couch and squeezed in between Jeremiah and Steven, yet I could still feel Conrad's eyes on me.

"Where's Belly going?" Steven asked me.

"A date." I said simply.

Steven only looked at me for a second and then turned back to the TV.

Susannah and Laurel came down from the stairs.

"Hey kids, wanna go to the book party with us?" Susannah asked.

I looked over to her, "Yeah, I would love to, just let me get ready."

I finished getting ready in a white cropped tank top and jean shorts.

Susannah, Laurel, and... Conrad, were waiting for me downstairs.

"Oh, you're coming?" I asked as I looked Conrad and the rest of the guys.

"Yeah, yeah." He stammered.

I watched as Conrad downed yet another glass of chardonnay. One after another.

Jeez he needed help. A lot of help.

I sat on the couch at the party and just watched as older people mingled, while Jeremiah and Steven sat on my right scrolling on their phones.

"Hey." Conrad said, holding out a glass.

I shook my head no respectfully.

"This is lame." He stated.

"Yeah I know, I'm doing it for Laurel though." I said.

He laughed a little, "Yeah same."

"Oh Conrad!" Laurel called out to him from across the room.

We both turned our attention to her.

"Come over here."

"You know, this shits boring." Conrad complained, breaking the silence once he came back. "Can we please go somewhere?"

"Where do you have in mind?" I asked.

"Go into town? What about that guy with the rainbow dash tattoo that was selling weed." Jeremiah suggested.

"Nah, he got arrested last summer." Conrad said which made me laugh.

"We could go into the drive-in." Steven suggested.

"Ew no, I'm not trying to see Belly make-out with some guy in a minivan." Jeremiah said.

"I agree, only because it's her date and if we ruined it she would kill us." I said.

"Yo, let's actually go." Conrad said.

All of us turned our heads to him.

"You're serious?" I asked.

"Yes, come on."

Steven drove, Jeremiah sat as passenger princess, and Conrad and I were in the back.

As soon as we made it to the theater, they had pulled up right next to Cam Cameron's car.

Jeremiah and Steven immediately began mocking Belly by acting like they were making out with someone.

"What the hell do you guys think you're doing?" She asked as she opened the door.

Steven laughed, "Just catching the end of our favorite movie."

"You have no right! You have to go!" Belly said angrily

Jeremiah tried saving us, by saying how it was just a joke, but that didn't seem to help.

"Steven, I swear to god, if you don't leave. I will send everyone in this car your Dramione fanfic." Belly threatened.

We all began laughing besides Steven.

"You wouldn't." Steven said.

Belly laughed a little, "He spent an entire chapter talking about Draco's wand."

That sent everyone into another laughing attack.

"Hey seriously." Belly said, causing us all to stop. "Please leave." She made eye contact with me.

"Yeah, come on Steven." I said, agreeing with the girl.

I sat in the kitchen waiting patiently for Belly to come inside. Cam's car had been in the driveway for 10 minutes now, and she still wasn't inside of the house.

As soon as she came in, she saw me sitting at the kitchen table. A large smile was spread across her face.

"How was your hot date?" I asked her.

"It was amazing until you guys messed it up." She said.

"I'm sorry, I tried to get them out of it, but that's all they wanted to do, and I didn't want to stay at the book party." I explained.

"They were assholes." Belly said.

"I know, I know, but they didn't mean any harm." I said to her.

Conrad came down the stairs, looking at Belly and I.

"I think someone wants to talk with you, Y/N." Belly said before running up to her room.

I followed after her soon, as I began walking towards the stairs.

"Hey, Y/N." Conrad said as he grabbed my arm.

I turned to him, taking my arm out of his grasp, "Yes?"

"Can we just talk for a minute." He asked.

"Oh, uhm yeah sure." I said, walking back into the kitchen. "What's up?"

"Is everything good between us?" He asked. Which I thought was so dumb.

"Yes, everything's fine." I responded, just wanting to leave this situation. I began to walk away back towards the stairs.

"Y/N, I just wanted to say I had a lot of fun earlier at the party.

I turned to him and just stared at him. Wondering where in the world he might be going with all of this.

Maybe I liked him again, maybe I was ignoring him because I felt something again.

[sgiandubh]

Jottings: Season 7, Episode 2. Nothing compares to them

A tiny, but welcome disclaimer: I have not read all the OL books yet, so do not expect witty repartees and connecting the dots with the current book follow-up by the series. In fact, I am still struggling right now with Voyager, after I gave a resolute middle finger and an excruciating amount of time to Dragonfly in Amber, which bored me to death with its sketchy depiction of eighteenth-century Paris. Unpopular opinion, I know: I can't help it, since I consider Paris, for many personal reasons, as my second, beloved home.

There go my two cents, with little to no spoilers. There is much to savor in there:

I thought I couldn't bear to watch one more single time Sinéad O'Connor's rendition of ye olde Skye Boat Song. I was wrong. I think it is exactly what this season needs: a bit bruised & battered & breathless. The perfect tinge of rough around the edges. This is no walk in the park and hers is the right cue, setting the tone for all the rest.

Vlachos. Excellent. Loved every second of it.

I suppose everybody will talk about the Look Jamie gave Claire right after Insufferable Bree gives birth to wee Mandy. I cackled all by myself, which is not even surprising. And so will you, Shippers United. Mark me.

SS upgraded a bit her game, to the extent she doesn't sound all the time like reciting United Airlines' flight schedule. She and Rankin finally manage to pull off a decent rapport (chemistry will always be at a deep-frozen 0). So, rejoice: at least they don't look like the mean troop leader forced them to share the same tent at Camp Sunrise. It's all fine and dandy, until she relaxes and slips back into that horrific, East Coast wannabe accent. Sorry, not sorry.

Did Lizzie say ”Fraser's Fridge”, when reading the birth announcement, or am I hearing things again? Now that's an earworm, sheesh...

Vandervaart looks promising enough, but what do I know, after a two-minutes scene with SS? Court is adjourned.

LJG & JAMMF, what a powerful, ambiguous, elegant scene. Tension is mounting, and this is when you crack open the Netflix & Chill'd ice cream bucket. It will come in handy, trust me.

The fireflies' scene was the death of me. There is something extraordinary about S's superb ability to speak volumes without uttering a single word. There is so much love and such despair to capture Bree's face, Bree's voice, Bree's alien joy when she mentions damn Mickey Mouse, and keep them forever. Did I ugly cry? I let out a sincere Fuuuuuck and couldn't help it. This is when the box of tissues came in handy, and you know, damn the consequences.

Dear (?) Diana Gabaldon: GET THAT WONDERFUL MAN THROUGH THE STONES, WHERE THERE'S PENICILLIN AND A HOT BATH AND A HIGHER AVERAGE LIFE EXPECTANCY, STAT.

Yeah, sure. She missed that point five seasons ago, why do I even bother?

Spoiler: "What was it like.... there? It was.... magical". BOOO-HOOO-HOOO (I have no qualms).

Jeremiah's wooden toy plane in the streets of Wilmington and then the real thing across the sky, just after the little family gets through the stones. Clever reminder of that plane landing in Boston, with Claire, Bree and TMcG... ho-hum ... Frank Randall, after Culloden.

And finally, since I would really like to let you enjoy the wonderful last quarter of it, Jamie and Claire. That unspeakable tenderness that keeps us all completely spellbound. This is S&C acting, how could it be otherwise: and splendid, at that. But their acting, since that chemistry test, is informed by clear, present, deep feelings. We know. They know we know.

And they got their mojo back. I always hoped and prayed they will go out with a bang, not a fizzle. And it seems I was right. Fingers crossed. I trust them and, as always, I trust my gut.

[escapismqueen]

Why I’m team Jelly

Something about Belly and Jeremiah makes so much sense to me. They just ‘flow’. Idk if that’s the right word, but it’s how I see them. Everything with them seems natural and easy, like they don’t have to try with each other, they just are.

I do understand why the Team Conrad people want to see them together (in some ways) but in my opinion, Jeremiah is the right choice for endgame and is Belly’s future.

Conrad was Belly’s first love. He was the older brother who was always sweet to her and who she harboured a crush for, for so many years. But Jeremiah’s the love that’s always been there. He’s the love that all of a sudden hits her in the face and she goes ‘how has it taken me this long to see it?’. Jeremiah is the boy who stayed at home with her for a week because she was sick and he didn’t want her to be alone. He’s the boy she stayed home for when he got sick too. He’s the boy she would run with to the beach with and play in the water. The boy who she knows “better than any boy”. She’s the girl who makes him feel seen (which only his mum and belly do). He’s the guy that will ‘always come and get her’. No matter at what stage Belly was in in her life, wether she was going on a date with someone or if she was little and was going to be home alone sick, Jeremiah pushed his own feelings aside, and chose to be there for her.

Maybe it’s only me seeing this as someone with a soft spot for Jelly, but everything seems less awkward with Jeremiah than it does with Conrad. Don’t get me wrong, there’s been more than a few moments with belly and Conrad where I’ve been like ‘omg that’s so cute’, but there’s also a slight awkwardness there sometimes. But I’ve never felt that there’s been an awkward moment between Belly and Jeremiah. Even when they were in the car together after not speaking for months, it was quiet and there was a tension, but it was never awkward.

They have such best friends to lovers energy and they have most importantly endgame energy. My only hope is that they show more of Belly feeling love for Jeremiah and not just Conrad. Because it’s so obviously there, so I need to see more of it. That boy means the world to her, and I’d like to actually see that shown more than it is.

Idc what anyone says, the relationship that Belly and Jeremiah have is so much healthier than with her and Conrad. Jelly communicates with each other, they tell each other how they feel and the love they have for each other (and I’m not just talking about romantic here) never falters, no matter the situation. Conrad seems to give affection and then pull away. He’s more talk than walk, whereas Jeremiah is more walk than talk. I know Conrad suffers with his mental health, and as someone who does as well, I can sympathise with him and understand why he does some of the things he does. But are we going to sit here and say that Jeremiah doesn’t suffer with his too ? I feel like people forget that Jeremiah has also lost his Mother. And he was there watching it happen, he saw her slipping away, that surely has had a huge impact on him. Not to mention that whilst it was happening, the girl that he was in love with was dating his brother, and he stood back and let it happen because he wanted both his Brother and Belly to be happy.

The entire scene with Belly and Jeremiah at the college sums them up for me. The montage of them giving each other piggyback rides and twirling each other around, Jeremiah tucking Belly’s hair behind her ear (did anyone else notice that when Conrad did that, she pulled away and asked him if she had something on her face, but when Jeremiah did it, she didn’t even flinch ? just saying 👀) the montage radiated nothing but complete joy, happiness and love and affection. And even in the serious moments, like when they talked about the future, Belly planned it with Jeremiah in it. And say what you want, but she didn’t plan it as ‘friends’ she was planning that future as a ‘we’, as a couple.

When Belly was at home and looking through the pictures of the boys and Susannah, clearly upset and missing them, it’s Jeremiah she called, despite them not having spoken in months. When it comes to belly’s struggles, she will always call Jeremiah for help. Always. And when it comes to Jeremiah’s, Belly is the only one that makes him feel better. Always. They just work. (Thinks if the tower of terror scene)

I just don’t want Belly to get back together with Jeremiah, only for her to then break his heart again. She clearly wants him, so let’s keep it that way, I am begging. Jeremiah deserves the world and Belly is his world. And Belly deserves the love she’s always craved (and without even noticing it at the time, Jeremiah is the love she’s always craved). She built Conrad up in her head, she gave him traits that she wanted him to have because she loved him, she gave him chance after chance because she loved him. But that true love, happiness fairly tale that she’s always imagined, that’s Jeremiah, and now is the time for her to notice that (as it seems she has) and to STAY thinking that.

I know how the book ends, and before anyone asks, no I haven’t read them. But I really do hope that they change the ending for the show. Jelly is a pure love. It’s a true love. They’re ‘real’ in the words of Belly. I’ve said this on someone’s post before, but the song Daylight by Taylor swift is very Jelly coded. The lyrics ‘I once believed love would be burning red, but it’s golden’ sums it up. Conrad was Belly’s burning red love. The love that yes, was deep and meaningful, but was also complicated and painful. Jeremiah is her golden love; also deep and meaningful, but the love that’s bright, one that makes her happy and is just easy. She never has to question herself around him, she can just be Belly.

And whilst im at it, I’ve seen a lot of discourse of people calling Belly a ‘bad person’ and I feel the need to stick up for her here. Has she made some mistakes ? Yes. Questionable ones ? Yes. But she’s a teenage girl for gods sake. Are you telling me that your teenage self has never made a questionable decision ? Are you telling me that your teenage self had never hurt someone ? Belly is young and has two boys who clearly care about and love her wanting her. Boys who have been in her life always. Of course she’s going to be confused and make decisions that hurt someone. I’m not saying she’s never in the wrong, because of course she is, but so is everyone at some point in their life. Again, she’s a teenaged girl, give her a fucking break. I never see anyone calling the boys ‘bad people’ for the questionable choices they’ve made.

Anyway, Jeremiah is Belly’s person. And Belly is Jeremiah’s person. Enough said. And also, THAT kiss!

[justanoasisimagines]

Tangled

Summary; When Jeremiah sends Troy to help you with the Broke Jaw christmas window competition, neither of you could have expected the results. Pairing; Troy Otto x Female Reader WordCount; 1,563 Trope used; Small Town/Events A/N; Hey my lovelies, week 2 of the 7 weeks of Hallmark fics. Am I overly happy with this, no, because I feel like I could have done this better, but I still wanted to post it for you guys. Credit to cafekitsune for the banner and the divider!

Broke Jaw was a small town in the middle of nowhere. Full of old traditions, a strong heart of community. In a place where everyone knew everyone, there was never a quiet moment.

Christmas arguably held the most traditions. There were Christmas parties and markets, but nothing was bigger than the Broke Jaw Christmas Street Event.

Every year, businesses compete to create the best Christmas display. They were becoming bigger and more extravagant. Everyone aimed to outdo their competition. It created the most magical displays, almost as if you had wandered into Winter Wonderland or a magical Christmas paradise in which you're wildest dreams come true.

You owned the bookstore in the middle of the street. It was warm and homely, welcoming avid readers back and enticing new readers to begin their journey into discovering the power of reading. Your bookstore was your pride and joy.

You put months of planning into your Christmas display. Always attempting to outdo yourself from the previous. This year would be no other. You truly believed this would be the year That you would win the converted snow globe trophy.

"Hey Darlin', you look busy here." Mayor Jeremiah Otto, popped his head through the door, two fresh cups of hot chocolate in hand. He wandered in passing you a cup, eyes flickering around the room. A look you'd seen too many times before.

"What's Troy doin' now?" Jeremiah moved to sleep into the old brown leather armchair that sat in the left corner, with a large sigh, he rested his back.

"Is it really that obvious? Shit, I used to be better at hiding my emotions as far as he's concerned" Jeremiah took a sip of his hot chocolate. "It's nothing new, hell I shouldn't even be surprised. Getting into fights starts trouble with anyone he walks past. I could shove him in an empty room and he'd cause chaos."

"I'm sorry to hear that, if there's anything that I can do all you have to do is ask."

"That's funny you should say that Sweetheart. Jake reckons if Troy were to have some direction, something to focus perhaps he wouldn't go around starting trouble." You leaned against the closest table, looking at Jeremiah suspiciously.

"And where would I come in?"

"Sweetheart you're good, you've never been in any kind of trouble a day in your life. Make mistakes sure, but that's all about growing. If he could just help you out this year. Keep him occupied. He can help ya with your display. All I'm asking from you is to keep him busy, to put him to work."

"How are you going to get him to agree to this? He's an adult, Jeremiah." Jeremiah raised from the chair rubbing a hand over his head. "You leave that to me."

Two days later, you were working on your front display, kneeling on the ledge, Christmas music playing in the background. Quietly you wove the fairy lights around the highest point of the window. You leaned up high onto your tippy toes to reach the highest point.

"You need any help there?" You nearly lost your balance at the sound of Troy's voice. He'd always had a knack for the worst timing imaginable. Regardless, Jeremiah had asked you to keep him out of trouble and that's what you intended to do. You nodded as you moved out of his way.

Troy fixed the lights around the highest point of the window, before stepping down with a smug look on his face as if he'd accomplished something you couldn't.

Troy was someone you'd never been to understand. He was reckless and a law onto himself, he could cause fights out of thin air and often experienced the thrill of a physical altercation. You'd seen him bloody and beaten up too many times. As a result people often underestimated him. They didn't see how intelligent Troy was, how he could build something out of nothing. Never cared to admit or recognize when Troy did well. When he'd been able to go a stretch without finding himself in trouble.

The two of you stood in silence for a long pause not being too familiar with each other. Aware of each other, yet never have an opportunity or an excuse to talk. "My Dad said you needed my help. I know he's shoving me off into the corner trying to get me out of trouble." Troy glanced down only for a brief moment, before looking back at you. The mischief held behind his gaze almost as if Troy was battling it to hide beneath the surface.

"Well, I could always use the extra pair of hands if you don't mind helping me." Troy gave a rare smile, Normally, the others would palm him off, and send him to work without more than some instructions, but you appeared to want his company. You'd also given him a choice to turn around and walk away.

"Sure I'll help you."

The two of you began to work together, both teetering around the edges at first, not knowing how to react, learning about each other. Troy brought new ideas and creative ways to bring your ideas to life. Troy was more than what they said he was. Troy could be helpful and kind when he was given the right kind of encouragement.

One day you were returning to your bookstore after picking up some lunch from the diner. Between dealing with customers and helping Troy with the arrangement, you'd been rushed off your feet all morning. You had never expected to find Troy with a bloody nose. "It's not as bad as it looks." Hastily, you placed the bags on the side as you rushed over to Troy, pulling some tissues out of your pocket. "I've been gone less than an hour. What happened?" Troy resisted the urge to pull away when you gently placed the tissue on his nose. "I've got a face people love to punch that's all." Your face fell, the joke had fallen flat. "Come on don't you think it adds to my rugged charm,"

"What happened?" Troy could see the concerned frown as you attempted to clean the blood off of his face. "Doesn't matter. You wouldn't believe me even if I told you." Moving to put the bloddied tissue in the bin, you turned to face him.

"Why don't you let me be the judge of that?"

"Old man Clayton's son, Travis. He keeps causing trouble at my Dad's bar. Last week, I was workin' a shift when I chucked him out-presumed he was too drunk to remember…apparently not. Guess it was better late than never to get revenge."You sighed, you did believe Troy. After all, what reason did he have to lie to you? Perhaps, what the town speculated about him wasn't always true.

"Come let's take a break and have lunch, then we can get back to work."

It's weird how things change sometimes. Troy surprised you in every which way. He could be kind and level-headed. He was polite and personable when he interacted with customers on the day you were busy. You'd begun to look forward to opening the shop each morning, knowing you'd get to spend time with Troy. You wouldn't hide how much you were enjoying this year's preparations. Usually, it was difficult work, but Troy made it easier.

One day Troy began to act suspiciously, refusing to allow you into your favorite corner of the bookstore. He refused to give anything away. Any time you attempted to sneak a peak, it was like he'd already predicted your next move.

The day before the judging, Troy met you outside of the bookstore, rubbing his hands together, fighting off the winter chill. Without saying so much as a word, Troy wrapped a red scarf around your eyes, as he led you into the bookstore. The two of you stumbled around the bookstore, as Troy led you. It should have been easy maneuvering around a building you navigated every day. Yet it was new putting your full trust in Troy.

"Ready..one…two..three…now look" Pulling back the red scarf, it was revealed the coziest Christmas-themed fireplace. It appeared to be something out of a Christmas novel. Beautiful yet understated it was everything you could have dreamed and hoped for.

"It's beautiful." Troy was proud. He finally felt as if he had done something right. For someone who increasingly mattered to him. The size of your smile alone had made it worth the extra hours of work.

Yet as you stood admiring Troy's work, Troy tapped your shoulder pointing directly above the two of you., both of you unsure. Troy found his chance and decided to make his move. He'd been thinking about it since the day he walked into your bookstore. You'd looked so beautiful, yet so relaxed. You'd given him time. You'd chosen to understand him when rarely anyone bothered. The kiss was chaste and hurried. Troy feared you would pull away from him. He didn't know what would what would happen next, but he'd like to hope his life tangled with yours some more.

[sidebaxolotl]

I have a question for you if you wouldn’t mind answering. I’m a lesbian and I’ve been considering turning to religion and being side b, but my main question is why would God want me to suffer this much? Why would He let me date my girlfriend for 3 years, all of which has been blissfully happy and feels totally right and good, if He really wants me to give it all up and break both of our hearts? It doesn’t feel like sin to me. We didn’t even sleep with each other until we’d been together for a year because I found it very hard to get over my shame and they waited for me the entire time. Isn’t there that verse about the fruit something brings? Being a lesbian has brought nothing but joy into my life. In fact, the only suffering it’s caused me is when I used to try to be side b. I don’t see why God would want that for me if He allowed me to be made a lesbian.

And to be honest, it seems like most of the side b people I know struggle a lot with being side b, like it doesn’t come naturally to them. I wonder how you reconcile that difficulty and pain with believing that a good God would want this for you. You could make the argument that Satan wants you to suffer and is causing your temptation, but if that’s the case why doesn’t God just fix it, if He’s all powerful? Maybe He wants me to have free will, but I’ve asked Him countless times to make me straight so it’s not like I want to be gay.

Anyway, sorry for the rant. I just find this sort of thing really hard to wrap my head around, but I want there to be a good answer that I can hold on to.

Hey friend! To be honest I do understand where you're coming from. My relationship with my ex was one of the most wonderful things ive ever felt, and it did feel right and very good, unlike a lot of the sin in my life. Even now I struggle sometimes to reconcile that and I know if things hadn't ended so badly I'd be in your situation right now. I also prayed many times that God would make me straight (and for a while I thought it worked lmao). For a long time after The Breakup I struggled really hard with what to do, i was struggling with lesbian erotica/fandom content, wondering what to do with my faith, wondering if I should force myself to marry a man, crying out to God to curse Him or blame Him for my situation, for taking her away from me, etc. I fell into a very deep depression and was very close to unaliving myself over it (and other things). I had to go on medication for an extended period of time because I did not want to live. It was a really rough time in my life and I'm glad despite all the things that I said and did out of grief that I made it out of that period of my life with my relationship to God in tact. Letting go of sin, particularly sexuality related sin can be really hard because sin doesn't always feel bad. A lot of sin does and has immediate consequences, which makes it particularly easy to avoid/stop doing but a lot of it doesn't. We live in a world where sin has permeated the deepest reaches of our universe and our own bodies. Our own judgement apart from Christ cannot always be trusted:

"The heart is deceitful above all things,     and desperately sick;     who can understand it?" Jeremiah 17:9

So it might not feel bad or wrong(it still doesn't feel that way to me personally), but we know God is objectively good and knows what is best, so if He says its bad, then its bad. There are reasons for this, but that's beyond the scope of this post so maybe another time. What I will also say though, is that the Christian life is hard in general and suffering is guaranteed. The apostles suffered--many of them endured gruesome deaths for the sake of the gospel, and even Jesus, the author and sustainer of our faith was abandoned by his friends and made to unjustly die on a cross with common criminals. If the son of God, the prince of peace, could not escape this fate then neither will we. This particular passage comes to mind:

"But if when you do good and suffer for it you endure, this is a gracious thing in the sight of God. For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps" 1 Peter 2

The thing about Christian suffering is that none of it is meaningless. Because of God's grace and mercy He can use something that was never meant to exist (suffering and pain) and use it to bring us closer to Him and help build us into the people we should be, emulating God's character and love. These are some verses about suffering in regards to faith that I've found particularly helpful or enlightening:

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal" 2 Cor 4:16-18 "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything" James 1:2-4

And as Christians we know for sure our suffering is not eternal. When we shed this mortal coil we will never feel the sting of sin ever again. And when the New heavens and the New earth are brought to fruition we will experience life as it always was supposed to be. And even now my life isn't just suffering. I'm doing very well now. I'm no longer depressed, I'm off medication (with doctor approval). I genuinely love my life. I'm super satisfied with being single, i freaking love it honestly lol. And my relationship with God is stronger than its ever been. Being side b isn't always easy but it really is not a death sentence devoid of happiness either!

[e-devotion]

some favorite verses ... and the last

This week I have been sharing with you verses that stick out in my mind.  These and others God has used to help me stay close to him and to discern His direction for my life, our family and the church that I lead.

There are so many, many verses that I could share with you, but I close out the week, these are the last ones that came to mind.  So good and so important.  Each one has a story for me.  Yet I will just give you the verses to read and ask that you hear from God.

Read these and take it all in.  Study and meditate on these…

Psalm 23:1  NLT  

The Lord is my shepherd; I have all that I need.

Proverbs 27:17  NLT  

As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.

Jeremiah 29:11  NLT   For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. 

Jeremiah 33:3  NLT  

Ask me and I will tell you remarkable secrets you do not know about things to come.

Micah 6:8  NLT  

No, O people, the Lord has told you what is good, and this is what he requires of you: to do what is right, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.

John 1:14  NLT  

So the Word became human and made his home among us. He was full of unfailing love and faithfulness. And we have seen his glory, the glory of the Father’s one and only Son.

Philippians 4:8  NLT  

And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. 

3 John 4  NLT  

I could have no greater joy than to hear that my children are following the truth.

Ask yourself: what is God is saying to me in these verses?  Also find the verses that stick out to you.  Hold on to them and seek God asking Him to share with you.

Have a great weekend!  Thank you for allowing me this week and often to share with you these e-devotions.

[mybeautifulchristianjourney]

The Pilgrimage of the Magi

1 Now Jesus having been born in Bethlehem of Judea in the days of Herod the king, behold, Magi from the east arrived in Jerusalem, 2 saying, “Where is the One having been born King of the Jews? For we saw His star in the east and have come to worship Him.”

3 And King Herod having heard this, was disturbed, and all Jerusalem with him. 4 And having assembled all the chief priests and scribes of the people, he was inquiring of them where the Christ was to be born.

5 And they said to him, “In Bethlehem of Judea, for thus has it been written through the prophet:

6 ‘And you, Bethlehem, land of Judah, are by no means least among the rulers of Judah, for out of you will come forth One leading, who will shepherd My people Israel.’”

7 Then Herod, having called the Magi secretly, inquired of them the exact time of the star appearing. 8 And having sent them to Bethlehem, he said, “Having gone, search carefully for the Child; and when You shall have found Him, bring word back to me, so that I also having come, may worship Him.”

9 And having heard the king, they departed. And behold, the star they had seen in the east went before them until, having arrived, it stood over the place where the Child was. 10 And having seen the star, they rejoiced with exceedingly great joy. 11 And having come into the house, they found the Child with His mother Mary, and having fallen down, they worshiped Him. And having opened their treasures, they offered to Him gifts, gold and frankincense and myrrh.

12 And having been divinely warned in a dream not to return to Herod, they withdrew into their own country by another route.

The Flight to Egypt (Hosea 11:1-7)

13 And of them having withdrawn, behold, an angel of the Lord appears to Joseph in a dream saying, “Having arisen, take the Child and His mother, and flee into Egypt, and remain there until I should tell you, for Herod is about to seek the Child to destroy Him.”

14 And having arisen, he took the Child and His mother by night and withdrew into Egypt, 15 and there he remained until the death of Herod, so that it might be fulfilled what had been spoken by the Lord through the prophet, saying, “Out of Egypt I have called my Son.”

The Slaughter of Infants (Jeremiah 31:1-30)

16 Then Herod, having seen that he had been outwitted by the Magi, was intensely enraged. And having sent forth, he put to death all the boys in Bethlehem and in all its vicinity from two years old and under, according to the time he had ascertained from the Magi. 17 Then was fulfilled what was spoken through the prophet Jeremiah, saying:

18 “A voice was heard in Ramah, weeping and great mourning, Rachel weeping for her children; and she would not be comforted, because they are not.”

The Return to Nazareth (Isaiah 61:1-11; Matthew 13:53-58; Mark 6:1-6; Luke 2:39-40; Luke 4:16-30)

19 But of Herod having died, behold, an angel of the Lord appears in a dream to Joseph in Egypt, 20 saying, “Having arisen, take the Child and His mother and go into the land of Israel; for those seeking the life of the Child have died.”

21 And having arisen, he took the Child and His mother and came into the land of Israel. 22 And having heard that Archelaus reigns over Judea in place of his father Herod, he was afraid to go there. And having been divinely warned in a dream, he withdrew into the district of Galilee. 23 And having come, he dwelt in a city being called Nazareth, so that it should be fulfilled that having been spoken through the prophets, that “He will be called a Nazarene.” — Matthew 2 | Berean Literal Bible (BLB) The Berean Literal Bible © 2016 by Bible Hub and Berean Bible. All rights Reserved. Cross References: Genesis 41:8; Exodus 4:22; Numbers 24:8; Numbers 24:17; Judges 17:7; 1 Kings 3:5; 1 Chronicles 5:2; Ezra 2:21; Job 33:15-16; Proverbs 28:15; Song of Solomon 3:6; Isaiah 59:7; Isaiah 60:6; Jeremiah 1:1; Jeremiah 23:5; Jeremiah 31:15; Matthew 1:20; Matthew 3:13; Matthew 21:11; Matthew 24:6; Matthew 27:9; Matthew 27:19; Mark 1:9; Mark 13:7; Luke 8:24; Luke 8:52; John 7:42; Acts 5:19; Acts 24:22

[ncisladaily]

Before he joined NCIS: LOS ANGELES as Devin Rountree, Caleb Castille was a football player both on and off the screen.

The son of legendary NFL and Alabama cornerback Jeremiah Castille, the younger Castille knew his future might look different from his father’s, but it still started with a ball.

“God brought him into our system in the most Supernatural way,” director Andy Erwin said. Erwin cast Castille as Tony Nathan in the Movieguide® Teddy Bear Award®-nominated movie WOODLAWN. “I’ll never forget driving you to set for the first day on WOODLAWN and you just being like squeaky clean, brand-new, just bright-eyed.”

Castille attended the Movieguide® Awards and said, “It was absolutely incredible. You can’t ask for a better situation as a young actor. I was only acting for about two years, and to step into something that I was halfway used to, but I have to give credit to these guys who have been doing this for way longer than I have, and just surrounding me, and we all had the same goal in mind: to create a great film, and bring his story to life. It’s been a treat.”

For the young actor, his career growth came down to his relationship with God and walking through the doors that God opened.

“You can’t ask for a better situation as a young actor. I was only acting for about two years, and to step into something that I was halfway used to, but I have to give credit to these guys who have been doing this for way longer than I have, and just surrounding me, and we all had the same goal in mind:  to create a great film, and bring his story to life. It’s been a treat,” Castille said.

Castille credits Erwin for encouraging him to follow the Lord’s prompting.

Castille said Erwin told him: “I’m not even going to hold you. School will be there. If that is something that you’ve committed to and that you want to do, your degree will be there. This opportunity that you’ve dreamed of and that God has placed in your hands right now is so big.”

Castille felt this sentiment was indicative of what many people wrestle with in their own lives.

“I kind of feel like we toil in that space a lot even in our spiritual lives. We’re just like, ‘Oh yeah, this is the path I’m on God and this is what I’m so committed to,'” Castille said. “Meanwhile He’s trying to just get us to look over here. Like I [God] know you want this right now, I know this is what you want but if you just turn your attention this way, give all of yourself to me and right now you’ll find that I have something way greater.”

After WOODLAWN, Castille went on to book roles on 9-1-1, THE ROOKIE, TELL ME A STORY, and WU-TANG: THE AMERICAN SAGA before landing on NCIS: LOS ANGELES.

Castille says that it’s his faith that’s allowed him to grow in Hollywood. The young actor, who is the son of Alabama football legend Jeremiah Castille, is also very open about his personal faith.

“When I think back over the past decade of my life Im humbled thinking about what Gods grace has allowed me to accomplish. But I wouldn’t have been able to do any of those things without my support group.❤️ The level of expectation I have for the next decade of my life can’t even be measured. If you’re reading this, try GOD and watch him flood your life with immeasurable JOY! 🙏🏾” he said.

[theprayerfulword]

May 30

2 Timothy 1:7 The Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.

James 2:17 Faith by itself, if it has no works, is dead.

Romans 10:15-16 How are they to proclaim [the Lord] unless they are sent? As it is written, “How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!” 16 But not all have obeyed the good news.

Romans 14:8 If we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.

2 Corinthians 8:9 For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though He was rich, yet for your sake He became poor, that you through His poverty might become rich.

May you not measure your righteousness against others' unrighteousness, but may you always acknowledge the just and righteous God as Lord, accepting from His hand what He has for you. 2 Samuel 15

May you not lay claim to the presence and anointing of God, but allow God to lay claim to you. 2 Samuel 15

When anyone comes against you, may you always value those who are made in God's image, never impugning the value in God's eyes of those for whom Jesus died, but trust God Who has all hearts and tongues in His hand to turn the attack to their redemption and to hold authority over the influence of spiritual wickedness. 2 Samuel 15

When others hurl abuse and slander at you, may you leave the resolution in the hands of God as David did, though you be exhausted by it. 2 Samuel 16

May you trust the Father to see your distress and repay you blessing for the cursing you receive, just as Jesus trusted Him at Calvary, though it brings you to the death of your self. 2 Samuel 16

After all counselors and advisors have spoken, may you not fail to consult the Lord, as Absalom did, for he turned not to the ark of God. 2 Samuel 16

May you mistrust any recommendation that removes the option of reconciliation, for the Lord is a God of redemption. 2 Samuel 16

Learn of Me, My child, and in all your learning, obey. Grow in knowledge of the Word, My studious one, and neglect not to walk it out. Wait before Me in the spirit, My devoted one, for all that I have for you, then once you have My provision, My leading, My guidance, go forth in the understanding and assurance that I am with you. Rest in My promises as your shelter during the stormy darkness when no man can work, then go forth with joy as calves from the stall when the Son rises with healing in His wings. Walk in My righteousness and speak with My wisdom and act in My love so that others may know that you have been with Me and waited on Me and listened to Me. As you fellowship with Me in My light, you will take that light with you when you have fellowship with each other, sharing that light. In yourself, there is no light, but as you draw near to Me, the blessed and only Sovereign One, Who alone is immortal and dwells in unapproachable light, the carnal nature diminishes and your renewed mind flourishes as you receive and put on the mind of Christ. Quiet yourself before Me as a weaned child, adding to your faith virtue; and to virtue, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love; for as you learn of Me how to win mastery over your own vessel, you will no longer be ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of Me. Learn of Me so that you can submit to Me, for then you can be My hands outstretched, open and forth-giving, always about the business of the Father.

May you be more concerned how God views an action than how man will react. John 18

May you desire to know God as the Word and the Spirit reveal him, rather than merely hearing what man has said. John 18

May you ever realize that you are graven on the hands of your Redeemer, inescapably on His mind and in His heart, as He continually makes intercession for you as your Advocate before the throne of the Father, and so be willing to keep your Creator and Savior, your Source and Master, ever in present memory, with thanks, praise and worship without ceasing, for He is deserving and worthy of all adulation and obedience! John 19

May you make the Lord your refuge and shield, putting your hope in His word and shunning the advice of evil and double-minded people, so that you may keep the commands of the Lord. Psalm 119

May you always have regard for God's decrees, which sustain you according to His promise so that you will live, and uphold you according to His power so that you are delivered for, though the Lord rejects all who continually stray from His decrees and discards the persistently wicked like dross, because you love His statutes and stand in awe of His laws, your hopes will never be dashed. Psalm 119

May you do what is righteous and just, for God will not leave you to the mercy of your enemies or abandon you to those who are slanderous, but He will ensure your well-being and bless you as you labor in His service, backing you up by confirming His Word as you speak it into the lives of those He leads to you. Psalm 119

May you ever desire to go deeper in the Lord's on-going process of salvation so that you may receive His righteous promise to deal with you according to His love as He teaches you His decrees. Psalm 119

May your love for God's Word and your respect and awe for His ways prepare you to receive discernment from the Lord so that you may understand His statutes and realize that it is time for Him to act since His law is being broken. Psalm 119

May you speak with truth from God through the wisdom of the Spirit, for then you will not err in respect to justice or judgment. Proverbs 16:10

[walkswithmyfather]

“Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.” —Mark 11:24 (NIV)

“Believe and See” By Joyce Meyer:

“If we look at life without considering the promises of God, all we have is what we see or feel. But with God’s promises, what seems impossible becomes possible. God’s only requirement is that we believe what He says more than we believe anything else. The world says, “I won’t believe until I see,” but God says, “Believe and then you will see.”

What do you believe about yourself, your past, and your future? Do you believe things will always be the way they have always been? I hope not, because if things in your life have not been good, that means you are stuck with that as your destiny. Perhaps you didn’t have a good beginning in life, but you can have a great finish! I know that is true because God says in His Word that He has a good plan for our future, one that should fill us with hope (see Jeremiah 29:11).

"When people have been emotionally wounded, it adversely affects how they think. Their thoughts are often negative, especially about themselves and their life in general. They may live with what the Bible calls “evil forebodings,” which is an expectation that something bad is going to happen. However, God’s Word renews our minds. It teaches us how to think and to expect good things to happen. It gives us a new attitude that allows us to live with joy and hope rather than with sadness, depression, and discouragement. It takes time and patience to see the changes you desire, so don’t expect things to change overnight.

God’s Word has inherent power in it, and once we learn to think in agreement with God, we will see positive changes in our lives. But remember, believing must come before seeing. God told David he would be king, but 20 years passed before he wore the crown. David went through a lot of difficult testing of his faith while he waited, but at the right time, he did become king. Like David, at the right time you will be all God wants you to be and have all He wants you to have. Just continue believing God’s promises and refuse to give up!

Ask God for things in prayer that are impossible and believe you will see them come to pass. While you wait for God to heal your wounded soul, stay busy helping and being kind to other people. The Bible tells us to “trust God and do good” (see Psalm 37:3). Each morning, ask God to show you someone you can help that day, and as you do, your joy will increase, and you will be sowing seeds for your own harvest.

Prayer of the Day: Father, help me to believe Your promises and trust Your Word, more than anything else. Renew my mind and help me to think positively. Help me to trust You and do good each day, amen.” 🙏