#ok like listen I cannot be writing this rn but I AM lol

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

guys I think I broke jeremiah

In reality, he doesn’t know if he’ll be back soon, or what it means to be back in a place that feels uninhabitable. Once, his apartment was a glitzy haven, beating like a warm body, dancing like a man. Now, as he fluffs his couch cushions and tosses an old Tupperware of lentil curry into the trash, he understands something’s shifted. Biyu understood exactly what when he’d called her to tell her he’d be leaving for a while but didn’t need to specify. “A little change is good,” she said, the phone clearly pressed up to her ear. Something fried in the background, the popping oil obscuring her voice. “Call me when you’re home. And unplug your appliances,” the latter of which he does now.

What he doesn’t do is tidy his bed. He’s been sleeping on the couch since late September, anyway. He knows what’ll happen if he scoots under that comforter again, if he counts the catamarans on the sheets like he used to while someone else coiled his hair, touched him like he was silk. How one second under would drag him back to fresh ground cinnamon. A freckled shoulder. Every lyric of Wham Rap! A laugh like rustling windchimes. A body there next to him. A body to memorize.

Before he goes, he shuts his bedroom door. By the time he gets back, he might forget what used to happen there.

[lostfracturess]

nici bae i've had to put this chapter off for too long bc i was in an angst hiatus LOL but it's time. it's TIIIIIMEEE im so scared n nervous omg BUT IM SO READY AT THE SAME TIMESKSKRLSF btw hope ur vacay is going good <33

Meaningless when they couldn't be spoken to her, couldn't reach her, couldn't make her understand, couldn't heal the wound I'd carved into her heart.

STOPPPP im alr deceased omg. i love this sort of soliloquy at the beginning here it's so reflective of his state of mind

Each word a drop of poison forced down my throat. A self-inflicted wound, a desperate mutilation of the only thing that had ever felt real.

literally gonna claw my eyeballs out their sockets YOUR WRITING IS TOO GOOD AND THIS IS SO DEVASTATING

A familiar craving stirred my senses, the desperate need for the numbing escape that would mean failing her even more. My fingers clawed at my forearm, trying to replace the hollowness with physical pain. It wasn't enough.

the descriptions of his addiction are always so reeling it's like the reader can feel it too it's so scary but so immersive

Did you really think I wouldn't keep a backup?

IM SIICCKKKK OMG HIS BREAKDOWN IN HIS OFFICE IS SO INTENSE DR GOJO PLS. omg YES punch the fuck outta sukuna. ALSO IM LISTENING TO LOML BY TAYLOR SWIFT OFF HER NEW ALBUM TTPD AND IT'S OMGGG IT'S 100% S&C COUPLE PLS IM GONNA SOB

sighh gojo being unsure of his feelings for reader, idk i think sukuna is 100% gaslighting him. but gojo second guessing his OWN intentions has me so nervous rn too like "drag her down w me, see her drown"

UGHHH THE TECH MALFUNCTION THING sukuna better sleep with both eyes open tn. he craves problems im sure he wont mind the one where my fist is going into his face

oh my god honeslty like he needs to go to rehab. nothing else is gonna work for him atp. he needs PROFESSIONAL HELP.

She were out there, her life forever marked by my choices, while I was — here. Hiding in a haze of pills and smoke.

ughhh i love this line SOBS forever marked by my choices sent a chill down my spine

STOPPPP SATORU PLS YOUR LIVER'S GONNA GIVE OUTT

There was raw, unadulterated terror etched in her eyes. But I was right. She looked as beautiful as ever. Even with those terror-stricken eyes she was breathtaking.

UGHHH IM LOSING MY MIND i love how she's still looking out for him despite everything but seriously i cannot IMAGINE how terrified she must feel rn seeing him like that

STOPP MY EYES HAVE BEEN GLUED TO MY SCREEN BUT SHE SAID I LOVE YOU AHHHHH

More lies for a heart that deserved nothing but the truth. So I swallowed down the love threatening to spill from my lips. 

im literally tearing up n ive got fullbody chills

ok i ve gott a eat dinnner but i'mma send this ask rn cuz i don't wanna accidentally lose it n then pt2

elliee !! yes my vocation was great !! <3

also so so happy to hear you liked the whole inner monologue thingy going on in this chapter. i spend a unholy amount of time writing and editing this over and over again and am really happy with the outcome, so i'm so glad you like it too !! 😭😭

sighh gojo being unsure of his feelings for reader, idk i think sukuna is 100% gaslighting him. but gojo second guessing his OWN intentions has me so nervous rn too like "drag her down w me, see her drown"

yes he is !! sukuna really knows how to get under his skin, it's so so frustrating. but also makes him a good villain for the story hehe.

STOPPPP SATORU PLS YOUR LIVER'S GONNA GIVE OUTT

don't worry, i'm already on the waiting list for his liver transplant, he won't die 😂😂

UGHHH IM LOSING MY MIND i love how she's still looking out for him despite everything but seriously i cannot IMAGINE how terrified she must feel rn seeing him like that

yes yes yes !! i love how they will both hurt each other again and again but never stop caring for each other. i'm sick in the head, i love this so much 💔😭

so happy to hear you had chills while reading hehe (especially coming form a fellow writer) !! <3

[foreverrunningfree]

@czigonas wanted to see me answer those artist questions and I did them all so it’ll be under the cut

1. Art programs you have but don’t use?

As of rn I cannot draw on my laptop/tablet so technically paint tool SAI and photoshop(idk what version). But I guess I hadn’t used photoshop for /years/ back before my drawing hiatus. Sorry but SAI is so much nicer to look at and to use, for me personally.

2. Is it easier to draw someone facing left,right, or forward?

I flip flop my canvas a ton to a) look at it for wonkiness and b) to get specific lines in a direction that feels good, but the actual act of drawing I typically like to have them looking left cause most the the lines flow from top right to bottom left which is nicer to do since I use my right hand to draw even tho I am ambidextrous.

3. What ideas come from when you were little?

This question confuses me on what it’s actually asking soooo? When I was like 12 I had to write a story for school so I did a story about a plane crash in which the survivor came face to face to a rat/bat/cat/dog creature thing? I’ve always wanted to redraw the creature, idk if I have the original drawing I did and I don’t feel up to digging to see if I kept it during all my moves.

4. Fave character/subject that’s a bitch to draw?

My favorite animal color patterns aka brindle, merle ,roan, spots/stripes. So time consuming. In terms of shape, human faces for sure.

5. Estimate of how much of your art you post online vs. the art you keep for yourself?

Before hiatus, probably 90% /shared/. Currently, probably 75% /posted/cause I can’t post the porn to tumblr lmaoooo but I have shared them with like half a dozen friends.

6. Anything that might inspire you subconsciously?

I’m sure there’s a ton but if it’s subconsciously then how would I consciously know?🤔 ok serious answer, probably every single 2D animated movie or show I’ve ever seen, and all the various artists I follow. I mean, there’s parts of my style I can pinpoint you to what it’s inspired by.

7. A medium of art you don’t work in but appreciate?

I’ve never /seriously/ tried oil paint, acrylic paint, or pastels but that shit always looks so good. Also watercolor even though i have tried and enjoyed using watercolors but I am far far faaarrr from being proficient in them. Non drawing wise, I fucking love dioramas, especially those that are then filled in(?) with acrylic(?). I watch a lot of those videos on YouTube.

8. What’s an old project idea you’ve lost interest in?

Most of my old animal ocs I had in the same universe in my mind and had a comic planned that I never got around to. I still love and wanna revisit those ocs. But also my dragon age ocs who I’ve SERIOUSLY BEEN CONSIDERING drawing in @soaps-hoe-141 universe 👀

9. What are your file name conventions?

Before hiatus/ on my laptop, subject or character and whatever was happening in the pic. Now using procreate on my iPad? I don’t think I’ve named a single one lol.

10. Favorite piece of clothing to draw?

Nothing, no clothes, nude, nakedness please and thank you. lol but I guess I do sorta enjoy figuring out clothing in general, folds and shit, getting that practice in. Like how it hangs and creases in poses since I’m not used to drawing it.

11. Do you listen to anything while drawing?

I don’t usually listen to /only/ music while drawing, I much prefer having a favorite movie playing in the background and/or a show I enjoy rewatching/am actively watching. I also watch a lot of gamer YouTubers I put on as background noise/short watch breaks that their voice is just soothing to me even if I’m not /watching/.

12. Easiest part of the body to draw?

I’m not sure… maybe boobs/pecs for humanoids. General body shape for animals?

13. A creator you admire but whose work isn’t your thing?

Honestly can’t think of a single one. I mean, plenty of artists do work(or with a medium) that I can’t or don’t want to do/use personally but I read the question of “isn’t your thing” as “subject you don’t enjoy”. If that’s correct, then idk what to tell you. I don’t follow or remember people who majority does things I can’t enjoy on some level.

14. Any fave motifs?

Quite a lot of religious imagery I guess ex. Circles around a persons head. Less serious answer is drawing characters in meme formats lol

15. Where do you draw?

Please don’t tell any physical therapists I live like this… on my back on my couch with my head on the arm rest while holding my iPad propped up on my chest like 8 inches away from my face lmao

16. Something you are good at but don’t really have fun doing?

Idk???? I do shit for my own enjoyment so I’m not sure? Maybe perhaps backgrounds? Like I could do something decent if i wanted to but I’m not into it so I usually just don’t?

17. Do you eat or drink while drawing?

I take breaks… but while actively drawing? I often drink aka let the horny demons out while I enjoy whiskey lol.

18. An estimate of how much art supplies you’ve broken?

Broken broken? Next to fucking none? some charcoal sticks but otherwise…. None… I majority do digital art so really nothing to break there lol

19. Fave inanimate objects to draw?

Idk? I like doing life charcoal drawings? Of whatever, but particularly statues if that counts? I usually have living beings as my subjects.

20. Something everyone else finds hard to draw but you enjoy?

Ok, I hate this question, cause we are all good at different things. Maybe it’s just most of those I follow have different strengths than me???? But I guess if I had to pick, recreating from life(or picture) is a lot easier for me than some others(like making it life like/very accurate).

21. Art styles nothing like your own but you like anyways?

Yooo, anything I’ve reblogged honestly. Love everyone.

22. What physical exercises do you do before drawing?

Absolutely none, again don’t let the pros know cause damn. But I will do stretches or take breaks as needed.

23. Do you use different layer modes?

Absolutely. Mostly for lighting and shading but yes, if I’m doing digital imma take advantage of it.

24. Do your references include stock images?

Yes? I don’t really understand what it’s asking?

25. Something your art has been compared to that you were not inspired by?

Idk? I don’t usually get feedback of that sort.

26. What’s a piece that’s viewed a wildly different interpretation from what you intended?

Again idk? I guess my shit is straight forward?

27. Do you warm up before getting to the good stuff?

Almost never, again don’t let the pros know lol I do sometimes jump between pieces or start a new sketch before going to something farther along.

28. Any art events you have participated in, like zines?

Nope, wanted to and have tried before but I tend to NOT do something if I feel pressured to do it.

29. Media you love but doesn’t inspire you artistically?

Again I feel like this is a weird question or maybe it’s just my understanding of it but I can feel inspiration from all sort of artist shit even if it’s something I’ll never do(ex making a crochet animal or dioramas). I guess I can feel inspired to create from other creators even if it’s not direct inspiration/subject/medium.

30. What piece of yours do you think is underrated?

Underrated as in no one has seen aside from a few people irl would be my colored pencil pieces I did during afternoon naps when I worked at a daycare a few years ago.

[haechannabelle]

new years post featuring me getting sentimental and also shoutouts to my mutuals (and the girl reading this) 🎊🎉🎆

i started this blog back in august or september (time is fake, i don’t know anymore), and i feel so hashtag blessed to already have so many cool and fun mutuals to tag in a post, so i am making a post ! this is that post <3 so special shoutout to the following people:

@neonarcher @bangzchan @shuatm @pinkhaech @atinystraykid @seunieverse @kimsmingyu @kdongyoung @jsuh @ambivartence @felixyongboks @appiarian @8junhao @seuiqi @chxrry-chris @uwu-fullsun @sohnuts | even if we've never interacted i appreciate all of you so much that i decided to ring in my new years by writing this post !

ok quick 2022 highlights while i'm here (cue bgm seventeen - highlight, alt iz*one highlight. two bangers, either one will do):

2022 was actually the best mental health year i've had in like, over 10 years (we still got a loooooong way to go, but like. maybe i'm actually on the way up which is cool ??). i also ummm got into kpop in late july 2022 and my life has literally changed so much since (for the better, i feel). i saw nct-127 live in october and i cried the entire time, and i uhhhh got engaged (???!?!?!!) in november which is crazy (literally cannot believe another person wants to spend their life with me,, as a person who is generally very bad at receiving love that is SO wild to me but it is also literally forcing me to accept love and i am therefore getting better at doing that ! does that make sense ? i'm not fully with it rn, this is the latest i've stayed up in awhile lmao. anyways it's been a good year. i went to new york city and my fiancé and i spent entirely too much money on kpop stuff. we went to the beach also. and successfully held down the same job for a whole calendar year (never happened before). good year.

i want to do more art next year. i used to do art every day (literally for almost my whole life up until this past summer). i've had a massive creative block for months, i feel like i can only consume media and not create it and that has really sucked. but, i did make something recently !! something i will post very soon...spoiler it is a photo edit that i got a lil more creative with and i'm reeeally happy with it ! which is why i'm scared to post it LOL but i'm gonna do it. i'm gonna be brave !!

yeah, i think i will try and be brave in the new year. be brave and make art. vague enough to work.

also, i probably listened to 1,500+ different kpop songs in just the second half of 2022, that's crazy. can you imagine how much more kpop i can listen to if i apply myself this year ??? i am literally never bored anymore, thanks to kpop. and i have a lot of fun posting on this blog, so thank you to anyone reading this for being part of it ily happiest new year to you specifically <33

[eundiarys]

hi jules Let’s play this game! get to know each other more (not a game But yeah)

questions; 1. favorite song, 2. ult group, 3. song/show rec for each other, 4. favorite show, and um 5. something u want me to know abt u 🤗

i’ll answer first 🤞 1. rn it’s lost in you by oftn or vintage by niki, 2. hard question probs enha tho 😓😓,3. song rec??? idk um inside by junny (one of my fave artists tbh) and for a show rec js for fun i’d suggest abyss for sure but there’s like A lot of slow motion scenes LMAOOO

4. i mainly watch dramas but my all time fave is probs abyss and ummmm weak hero class one BUT ROMANCE WISE??? i could list so many. but mainly shooting star (didn’t finish it…), and 5. random fact but i cannot draw a straight line with a ruler 😟😟 IT JS ALWAYS LOOK SO WONKY TO ME BUT EVERYONE ELSE SAYS ITS STRAIGHT 😭😭😭

these were random questions i js made up WHILE writing this ask LOL but enjoy 😁😁😁

HI KAYLA ⭐️ OK LETS GO THIS IS CUTE

1. MY FAVOURITE SONG RN. is ermm i canf pick 😅😅 but i’ll go for seasons cuz it reminds me of soobin (Me when i am in lobe with soobin 💗💗💗💗💗)

2. DEFINETLY TXT AND ENHYPEN (especially soob and wonki <3). they are the only bgs i genuinely rly enjoy aside from them i rly just like girlgroups 💯 for ggs i really like ive newjeans and lesserafim! they are new but idc i was an izone stan and they make amazing music SO THEY R ON MY FAVES LIST 😁🤟🤟

3. hmm maybe restless by bibi??? it’s my favourite song by her! i think you like this kind of genre ???? im also listening to ur song rec rn! i really like it i have no idea what genre this is but i want to get into it more so please recommend ur faves!!!!! ^_^

4. I MOSTLY WATCH DRAMAS TOO. either kdramas or just shows tbh,, i don’t think i can pick a favourite T_T i either just love it 10/10 or very interesting 8/10 or just like it it’s okay or just stop watching cuz its bad 💯 a show id definetly recommend is flower of evil! one of the best kdramas ive watched, thriller romance where the husband is a psycho (?) kind of and the wife is a detective!! i didn’t worded it perfectly but it’s amazing trust me!!!! and maybe beauty inside if u want some cute romance :-) that’s also one of my fav romances ever, especially the second couple 😭💔

this was fun THANK U KAYLA

[dgaftilwedie]

GUESS WHAT TIME IT IS HEHHEHEHEHHE

swan songs by hollywood undead, jojo's bizarre adventure part 5, and my 10th grade bio teacher

tbh i am too lazy to do that :3

coraline, corpse bride, and fucking hamilton

me and my brother have to whole thing we do where we mimick doppio's "the boss is calling thing" and the punchline is "is that... the consequence of our own actions!?!?!" it's really funny

my friends said i should start a personal blog outside of my fanfic blog n i was like shi man ok and they were right........... this shit fun as hell!!!!!!!

best part is when my posts blow up for no reason. worst part is with like, a bigger audience, i get a little nervous n feel like i have to walk on my tippy toes ya feel me......... like i love posting wha i want but there's always the lingering feeling that someone's gonna be bothered by it

abandonment ......... im like in constant terror that everyone i love is gonna decide i suck donkey balls and leave

what

i can't think of any good childhood stories that aren't traumatic 😭😭😭

oh absolutely LMAO i think with my heart and never my brain

i mean it's kinda a broad topic ...... i think it can be a lot of things i don't really know how to like. idk i cannot explain

i know it's basic but like, be yourself. i spent so many years of my life trying to be like everyone else and it didn't work. embrace who you really are. people with genuinely like you more if you're your true, authentic self. do what makes you happy because life is short snd you deserve to feel good.

laying in my bed listening to green day :3

molly /hj /notreallyajoke /imcurious

lowkey corny but my best friend 😭 never felt so at peace with someone in my whole life until i met him i love that guy

pls. the ocd. take it. TAKE IT PLEASE

charlie dompler.......... jojo wacky exploration....... fortnite............

oh fer sure :P actually im like 100% sure my uncle dave haunts my house. i like to pretend that my rat bruno haunts ME. i miss those fuckers

leaving the house

night drives...........

kinda??????

these two questions are too hard for my pea brain to process rn 😭

⬆⬆⬆

making it to 18 was pretty crazy

autumn.......... it's cold enough for me to wear hoodies and warm enough for me to wear shorts.......... it makes all my favorite music sound so much better.......... also halloween is right there..............

pink :3 it's pink :3

ra is like the main one but people don't really call me nicknames lol

trinkets :3 i have so many

just like. deal with it. idk im sad often i don't really do anything to remedy it cuz that's kinda just how i am?? it isn't even like sad-sad it's just meh-sad

listening to ghost helps :P

i am an organized mess

over 100 LMAO

i write sometimes.......... make a lot of characters.......... i blog a lot.......... n play lots of video games.......... idk i don't do much im kinda boring

people who ask me about college or driving or work. shut the fuck up. SHUT THE FUCK UP.

not really

im pretty open but like. idk

no :3

you're no fun anymore mark trezona by mindless self indulgence

splitt......... his story times are funny and so are his vlogs, PLUS his music is fire

yeah LMAO i have a lot

questions I think would be fun to be asked

what are 3 things you’d say shaped you into who you are?

show us a picture of your handwriting?

3 films you could watch for the rest of your life and not get bored of?

what’s an inside joke you have with your family or friends?

what made you start your blog?

what’s the best and worst part of being online/a creator?

what scares you the most and why?

any reacquiring dreams?

tell a story about your childhood

would you say you’re an emotional person?

what do you consider to be romance?

what’s some good advice you want to share?

what are you doing right now?

what’s something you’ve always wanted to do but maybe been to scared to do?

what do you think of when you hear the word “home”?

if you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

name 3 things that make you happy

do you believe in ghosts and/or aliens?

favourite thing about the day?

favourite things about the night?

are you a spiritual person?

say 3 things about someone you love

say 3 things about someone you hate

what’s one thing you’re proud of yourself for?

fave season and why?

fave colour and why?

any nicknames?

do you collect anything?

what do you do when you’re sad?

what’s one thing that never fails to make you happy/happier?

are you messy or organised?

how many tabs do you have open right now?

any hobbies?

any pet peeves?

do you trust easily?

are you an open book or do you have walls up?

share a secret

fave song at the moment?

youtuber you’ve been obsessed with and why?

any bad habits?

(this post was stolen from @teenage-mutant-ninja-freak, since it couldn't be reblogged anymore)

[pastelslytherin]

Hi, Pastel! How are you, baby?

I was wondering if I could have a match up for jjk. But if you have too many or are sick and tired of writing them TOTALLY IGNORE THIS!!! Matchups can really be exhausting so remember to make time for yourself, ok?

Ok!

OK my name is ally. I have she/her pronouns with a male preference please!

Fandom: jjk

Appearance: I am tall (about 5"11 but i swear i am shrinking) I am pretty lean and muscular. I am an athlete and lift competitively so I have defined muscles and low body fat (which is a nice way for me to say I am shaped like a literal door lol) I am a ginger with short curly red hair and I have quite a few freckles but they are hardly there rn because it's winter

Personality: I am an ENFP 7w6 and I would say I identify with it. My biggest kin of all times is Itadori Yuuji! Honestly I don't think I have ever related to a character more (to the point i was once harassed to join the track team lol). But I also kin bokuto, reki, and tanjiro.

I am a loud person. I have a loud voice and a loud energy. I am a very happy person who loves life. I quite literally cannot keep a straight face. I dance constantly. But not very well. I took formal dance lessons for like 10 years but i prefer to throw it all out and do the running man or the sprinkler. Pretty much dad dance moves.

I love annoying people so much. Teasing, wrestling, singing way too loud. I embarrass my sisters as much as i can in public. Pretty much, my whole personality can be described in having fun. I love having fun and won't do anything that doesn't entertain me.

I am a really laid back person. I don't like planning or anything. I like living in the moment and making things up as I go.

I am a very loyal person. I would do anything for the people who are close to me.

I have always been really popular and have a ton of friends, but there are probably only one or two people in my life who I consider close friends. I hate showing my negative emotions, so I often don't let myself get close to too many people. It's my own fault, but I can get super lonely and sad randomly because I am alone. But i don't want anyone to know i am sad so i don't meet up with people. So it's just a mess.

I can be shy for like 2 seconds when i first meet someone, but i warm up pretty fast. But i can get really shy around my crush, and I will probably blurt something awkward and blush like crazy.

Also I can be overcritical and hard on myself. I think this comes from my lifting. I never feel like I am strong enough and have high standards for my performance.

Likes:

-lifting weights. Honestly, the gym consumes my life and brings be joy more than anything else in the world

-watching sports. I used to play basketball and volleyball. I don't anymore but I love watching. So I will go to the games at my school and cheer. You bet I'm the one with face paint screaming and leading the student cheer section.

-listening to music. I am a huge music nerd who makes way too many playlists.

-learning languages

-my mind honestly just went blank. I forgot every thing I have ever liked

Dislikes:

-hmmm i don't like nutella

-or the sound of people filing nails

Love Language:

-hmm for giving I would say acts of service. I love helping people. I'm not very good with my words. I have no problem telling my friends that i love them or even strangers HOWEVER (and this is genuinely like the only thing I hate about myself) if it is someone who really really means a lot to me, i suddenly can't do it. It's like I just have so much love and gratitude for them that I can't say it in words. I will choke up and blush like crazy. And it drives me insane, because I want to tell them how important they are to me, but i can't. So instead I just devote my literal life to them by helping them in any way i can.

-for receiving, probably quality time or words of affirmation. I get really nervous and self conscious sometimes that people don't actually like me or want me around. So when someone goes out of their way to spend time with me, it makes me melt. Words of affirmation are just a bonus. It doesn't need to be often, but I like to hear it ya know?

overall, im not too picky. The guy doesn't need to be perfect, I just want someone who is loyal and will always have my back. And put up with me and my antics lol

Ok babe! Sorry this got long! Please take care of yourself and drink water and take breaks and all that ok? <3<3

Hello, Ally! I’m sorry this took forever! I am doing well, thank you for asking and thank you so much for your kind words! I very much appreciate your patience and your lovely request! I hope you’re taking care of yourself and that you’re having a wonderful day :)

Also, this match includes a character from the manga, in case anyone out there hasn’t read it.

I match you with..

AOI TODO

Todo loves your personality, your muscles, the way you live in the moment, and the way you can steal the spotlight in any room. And most importantly, he never feels bored with you! He has stars in his eyes when you’re around, and you can match his high energy perfectly. It’s rare that Todo finds someone fun and interesting so you are a very important person to him. When you get past his strange behaviors, he’s a very loyal, supportive, and passionate partner. 

You can get along with almost everyone because of your attractive personality, which is just about the opposite of Todo. On a social level, you could probably balance out Todo’s eccentric attitude with your friendliness. You can bring out the best in him, and he can bring out the best in you. He’s smarter and more logical than he looks so he knows exactly how to motivate you and inspire you on a very real level. Overall, your relationship is very energetic, collaborative, and fun. 

Headcanons:

When you first meet Todo, he could probably intimidate you at first from his forward and crude attitude when meeting someone for the first time. Being Todo, he’s immediately drawn to your height and muscles, quickly asking you what your type is. For you, he could be easy to warm up to since both of you can share a braincell. 

Todo is almost like a puppy when it comes to you so it’ll be hard to find yourself alone. He’ll stick by your side as often as he can and is thirsty for attention. In turn, he loves giving you attention and is very observant and attentive toward you. He says things as he sees them like, “Are your muscles getting bigger?” and then guesses the pounds/kilograms you can lift. On a side note, he’s a pretty accurate guesser. 

Gym dates with you and Todo are almost a given. Whenever he’s spotting you, he’s very encouraging and motivating, but he also keeps on eye out for when you push yourself too hard. 

He’s definitely the type of boyfriend to call you ‘dude’ or ‘bro’ unironically. Then again, this is likely because not only does he feel close to you on a romantic level, he also feels close to you as a friend. It’s that kind of intimacy that makes your relationship feel secure and stable despite all the wild things you two like to do together. You two could dance wildly at a party as if you’re the only two people in the room, and he absolutely loves it. 

Whenever you’re watching basketball or volleyball together, it would quickly turn into a cheering match where you two are trying to scream louder than each other. It’s the same way when Todo brings you to a Takada concert, and he would be so joyful that you’re cheering for his favorite idol. And of course, he’d be there for all of your lifting competitions, screaming all sorts of praises and commentary. If you don’t hear him cheering you on in the background, that’s probably because he was pulled outside for being too loud. 

Todo wouldn’t mind if you have trouble choosing the right words since he’s more of a ‘showing through action’ guy than a ‘showing through words’ guy. He’s very loud in his romantic gestures in which he would bring you obnoxiously hug gifts and yell at the top of his lungs how much he loves you. But, if he sees you’re feeling down, he’d use his words to see what the problem is and reassure that you are, in fact, enough and that you’re valuable. 

Other potential matches:

Kinji Hakari

Hakari would love your passion so you would interest him to no end. That’s a trait that is extremely important to him since he enjoys seeing people drown in their passions. He would admire you because of how much you stand out, since he hates traditions and a lack of passion. In other words, he absolutely loves your crazy antics. Some of his favorite things are watching you dance and lift weights. He thinks you look the most beautiful when you do the things you love. He’s a big fan of watching sports too, and he would invite you to join him in watching his fight club. He also makes a point of saving your playlists so he can listen to them while he’s watching his security cams. Hakari could honestly a very close second as a match if you prefer someone who’s just a bit more chill and quieter. 

Takuma Ino

Ino thinks you’re really fun! He’s a very positive and open person, and he’s big on loyalty and honesty so it’s extremely easy to warm up to him. He would be very encouraging and supportive of your life as an athlete, and he’d definitely be someone who would prepare water bottles and meals for you. He also does his research on how best to support your weightlifting career since he believes in supporting you in the right way. He really loves being with you and telling you how amazing you are, and he could relate to having high standards to reach so he makes sure to tell you that you’re perfect the way you are. He also gets flustered when you do things for him, even though a lot of people tend to help him with things. 

———

I hope this was alright!

Please look over this post before submitting a matchup request :) Thanks!

[starglitterz]

HEY YOU! YES, YOU!

Who would you simp your moot with? (Excluding their obvious biases)

going off everyone else's i'm guessing you mean ship (/nm) , but okay here we go !!!!!!!!! rlly short bc im lazy LMAOOO

@3rdgymbros - zhongli ! i feel like he would listen rlly interestedly to all your theories and aus omg (which btw i absolutely love pls keep making more HAHSKJDSK)

@abyssheart - thoma ?!?! rlly random but he would def make sure you take care of yourself, plus you can ramble abt quantum theory and physics to him and he'll just nod while not actually understanding LMAOOO and i think thats rlly cute <3

@aelatus - hmmm ayaka ! both of you have rlly elegant, pretty vibes and you can just be girlbosses together KJSDKJSKDJ also random hc yall would take those rlly aesthetically pleasing polaroids together HAHA

@almondto-fu - KAEYAAAA !! idk i think it would be funny for him to tease you all the time and you end up getting rlly flustered LOL i bet he uses dumb pickup lines on you and you make fun of him but secretly like it HELP

@blisschi - albedo!! like both of you are good at art, and are kinda quiet and super cute KJAJKSDAS LMAO

@bookuya - UHHH KAZUHA ! kazuha would enable all your chaotic behaviour in fact he literally encourages it EXCEPT when u ask beidou to use him as a claymore

@childeluv - ningguang bc both of u have hot badass vibes HAHAHA

@chichikoi - literally Cannot imagine you w anyone other than diluc KJASKJKAS HELP

@dilucbar - me ofc !! we're literally engaged <3 HAHAHA but other than that hu tao!! chaotic girlbosses so true

@favoniuscodex - scaramouche. i feel like you both would argue w each other, fistfight in a parking lot and then make out that's pretty cool HAHSKDKSJ

@ganyuslily - women,,, genshin females,,, all of them,,, aether's harem confirmed HAHA

@hqrbinger - me <3 anyways moving on- LMAOOO kidding but diluc !! he would listen to you rant abt omori and then be there as a shoulder for u to cry on abt mari and hero HAHAHA

@hushyouu - EULAAAA barks aggressively i think shes your bias but its ok you two are a perfect match bc youre super sweet and caring and eula would be so soft for u AWWW

@komorebi-e - once again you and thoma/kazuha are soulmates im physically incapable of matching you with anyone else LOL

@koriyue - yoimiya !!!!!!!! both of you seem like super fun and energetic ppl, so imo she'd match you rlly well :D plus u both are super cute HAHA

@lilikags - kamisato ayaka. tfw the brother doesn't exist so you go for the sister 💔 KIDDING obviously you belong with ayato im the ceo of lili x ayato now HAHA

@love-impact - ZHONGLIII another person i literally cannot picture with anyone else HAHA

@mikachuchu - childe bc i think its funny, no further explanation needed.

@noirkkat - MEEEE DUH when tf is the wedding,,, maybe kazuha if i have to share 🙄 HAHAHA <3

@nurserinnn - also me bc im ur harem member so true <3 BUT OK FINE... ALBEDO !!!!!!! imagine if u both collaborated for art it would be a whole masterpiece 😳🥰

@solarpearl - mona bc you both have cool aesthetics which i love HAHA

@test-tube - amber !! a lil random but i love how fun both of you are, plus youre also rlly sweet so you both would go great tgt :D

@ohmykazuha - XIANGLING !! you both are so adorable and cool and talented KSDJKS i feel like both of you would be rlly supportive of each other 🥺

@xiaophobic - ME BARKS LOUDLY <3 so we are already married... BUT OTHER THAN YOUR BIASES tbh i cant imagine you w anyone besides diluc HELP but maybe ganyu?? i feel like you would help her be more outgoing AAAA omg

@yanbub - me obviously <3 mwah !! so whos writing the zuri x quill fic??? /j BUT ANYWAYS i think you and zuo ran would be fun bc you'd annoy him while hes working but hes so in love w you he doesn't care that hes being interrupted and ALSO he cooks for you,,, malewife artem confirmed 😋

ok i am Tired,,, dont ask me to explain this it was purely based on vibes HAHA kidding feel free to ask but im sleepy rn so im going to take a nap and ill reply later !!!! also since im going to sleep ill pause replying to asks for now AKSDJKS byebye !!

[eve-is-obsessed]

april media roundup

ok I am back to writing these posts for posterity’s sake and I have OPINIONS. good god. I suffered this month with my media

books

I read the first six Series of Unfortunate Events books. they're so fun and good, I've been meaning to reread them for a while.

reread An Absolutely Remarkable Thing by Hank Green. this book is so addictive. I first read it about two years ago, so I'd forgotten some of the mystery parts and even the ones I still remembered landed really well. much higher reread value than I thought. 4.5/5 stars!

Be Gay, Do Comics is a queer comic anthology with a little bit of everything - history, autobiography, lots of different art styles. very inclusive, 3.5/5 stars

this might be a hot take but I read Kith and Kin, the Critical Role novel, and I didn't like it. I thought the plot was boring and dragged on, there weren't many cool lore insights, and the writing style was just meh. functional, but not amazing. the characters were really well done though, twins my beloved <3. 2.5/5 stars

for class I read Sister Outsider by Audre Lorde. it blew my mind, everyone should read this. 4/5 stars because I feel like the collection could have been organized better lol

I've been half-rereading Elantris to work on the Coppermind character lists. the politics are def more boring the second time through

music

I cannot stop listening to 8 and watch by Billie Eilish

extremely vibing with Mumford and Sons rn. their songs drive me insane /pos. specifically Ghosts That We Knew and Timshel

Blue Hippo by Maya Hawke

also Lizzy McAlpine’s new album five seconds flat

podcasts

staying up to date on Well Well Villanelle - they have amazing commentary on each episode of Killing Eve as well as talking about articles, bts, etc. lots of screaming, gay jokes, more screaming

Spilling Eve is another KE podcast. I don't like it quite as much but it's still very good and I've been listening from the beginning because I'm nostalgic. it's def less chaotic and also the eps are shorter

36 Questions is a podcast musical from like 2015. I'm 1/3 of the way through and it's pretty good. unique format + Jonathan Groff so you really can't go wrong

movies/shows

so Killing Eve ended. [screams for 20000 years] uh. I'm in mourning. that is all

I rewatched the first episode of the ASOUE netflix show. I watched it in French and the VAs are really good but the subtitles are not. anyway I love this show, the vibe is immaculate

started Fantasy High, good times were had. the second episode ending was WILD and I haven’t recovered from it yet lol

all right have a good day/ night everyone :)

[seijorhi]

asks :))

what i have learned today is that y’all wanna get fucked by some monsters...

What does nostos mean? What language is it in? 🤔 also I of course loved it, mind blown as usual queen

it’s ancient greek! it means homecoming, the idea of a triumphant return home for the hero after a long journey. i found it through looking at the root of nostalgia. in this fic of course it’s kind of a grim tongue in cheek play on it. the reader’s coming back to the mountains, but she’s running away after a bad breakup, and the welcome she gets is... shall we say less than ideal haha

Just read nostos-

First of all as a person who reads monster shit- hell ya. Mhm. That’s some good shit right there. That was DELICIOUS horror. It actually had me a bit nervous and afraid to read what was gonna happen next 😳

Secondly- omg I wanna know what happened next (at the end) 👀 know what I mean??? 😼

ANYWAY AS ALWAYS you never disappoint and your writing is fantastic (if/when you write horror yandere stuff again I’ll be there- frothing at the mouth. A+++++ work ILY💖)

you want me to write the monster porn, just say it bby ghfjdkshgfjkd but ty

Omfg that fic was so good!

Did the readers mom know about monster kuroo?? Or was she just worried because of the previous murder? And did Kuroo somehow manipulate reader into coming back to the forest or was it just a big coincidence? (👁👄👁 there's no such thing as a coincidence)

Looking forward to your future work <3

ty nonnie!! i didn’t have the right space for it, but after kohsuke was ripped apart and eaten kuroo stayed by the reader’s side until late in the night, only disappearing when he heard the reader’s parents/search party approaching. they found her lying in pools of blood (and scattered half eaten body parts), shaking and unresponsive – they knew no animal could’ve done something like that. so they knew something lurked in those woods, but considering the reader had repressed the memories, her mom couldn’t just come out and say it <33

You are an AMAZING horror writer!!!

The uneasiness I got from the conversations with the mom is just *chefs kiss*

A+++++

ahh thank you!! horror is such a hard genre to write because i’m never sure if the suspense and everything’s gonna hit right haha

I read Nostos before going to sleep last night and at the time I was like “sure hope this doesn’t give me nightmares” and thankfully it didn’t lol. But I think I’m willing to take that chance again because it’s so GOOD and I think I’m just going to have to relive it – @ohno-otome

fhdjgbfhjkdfn i’m glad it didn’t give you nightmares bby!! but i also appreciate that haha, i’m an absolute wimp with scary movies and stuff but i just can’t stop watching them haha

I just wanna say that I was listening to "You're a psychotic villain playlist" on youtube while reading Kuroo's oneshot and I can't explain the emotions I felt, but I'd let Kuroo do things to me asdfghjkl – @itishebihime-samaforyou

ooh nice! sometimes the right playlist makes things doubly as fun haha

OH MY GOD!?!?! Nostos was soooo GOOD?!?!? Like it was so creepy (but in a good way), and scary and suspenseful!! And the ending!?!? Omggg honestly one my fav fics from you!! You did my mans Kuroo justice 🥺💖💕

TYYYYYYY i was genuinely concerned i was gonna scare everybody off haha

Ah! The new fic! Chiefs kiss! Magnificent! Bravo!🧚‍♀️✨🧞‍♀️🦖🦭🌹💫

tysm nonnie!!! <33

i’m pretty sure i’m in the same/similar timezone as you? and i do be staying up late to be one of the first to read your fics (i usually stay up late anyways). so imagine my surprise when i see you post in the afternoon. in conclusion, whether you post to align with your european and american readers’ timezone, my gmt+10 arse will still be one of the first to read your fics. also nostos sjdufigyyjf i have to admit, i recently just found out about monster fucking and nostos scratched the itch😫 i feel bad for kohsuke though

bby i always post at like 2-4 in the morning please get some sleep!! the fics will be there in the morning lmao. i kinda low key forget about my aussie/gmt+10 followers because i think there’s like... 3 of you haha

Honestly if i could give u a dollar everytime i got off to your fics, you'd probably be rich by now

lmao the idea that people find my fics hot enough to get off to still blows my mind lol

your newest kuroo fic was so SO good!! its totally okay if you dont want to answer this so you can keep things ambiguous but is monster kuroo planning on killing the reader after he's...done with them

thank you, bby!! but no, monster kuroo isn’t gonna eat her – he’s had plenty of chances to do that if that’s what he wanted, but he has other plans for the poor reader

RHI, I WANT TO STATE FOR THE RECORD THAT I AM OKAY WITH MORE MONSTER FUCKING IN THE FUTURE. i also want to say im not a monster fucker, but that just feels like a lie at this point. okay, now that that's off my chest, i love it. the mystery, the connections of kuroo to a cat. kuroo's probably gonna go and batter around his prey once they're under his grip like my cat does. hopefully the reader will come out somewhat unscathed, if they are ever allowed to leave 😌 love this, love how different it is, the way kuroo just tries to weasel in. very monster and yandere vibes, very you. have i said i love this yet?? id willingly let him get me drunk on his cock, maybe never leave the peace of the mountains again

‘i want to say that i’m not a monster fucker’ bby the denial will get you nowhere haha. just lean in and embrace it hgfjkdlkfgjnkdl ahh but thank you this is such a sweet ask ILY!!!

Omg omg the monster thing kuroo was in ur latest fic is so familiar to me abdhdmfnjfjf. I remember being told abt a monster with VERY SIMILAR characteristics to it (aka the not being able to go inside a house unless invited and using fire to lure ppl out) AND JFC IT TERRIFIED ME. Esp how when i told ppl around me and they didnt recognize what it was, but it was somehow known to the kid that told me abt it.

(Some ppl thought it was familiar but still didnt know what it was)

Do u know what im talking abt? Hopefully u do

-🥚

GHFJDK so the monster in this is kind of based off the nekomata spirit in japanese folklore - they can appear like people, torment victims by reanimating the corpses of their loved ones, they’ve been blamed for forest fires, so it was just fun to use that as a basis and then go buck wild haha. anyway thanks for the ask bby!

Rest In Peace Kohsuke, you would’ve loved Haikyuu season 5😔✊– @joyvstheworld

poor kohsuke deserved better, i’m just mean to the oc’s i throw into fics haha

Monsterfucking ❤❤❤❤❤❤ a little annoyed you're making me simp for yan Kuroo though (a vibe tho tbh). You're so extremely talented!!!! &

This is probably a stupid question, but how did Kageyama react when he couldn't find y/n? How is life with yan Suga? I imagine probably awful BUT yknow maybe the stockholm syndrome set in fast lmao. Sorry, I'm going on a binge reading your stuff. - @oracleofdin

i will not apologise for making you simp for kuroo he deserves it the man’s a snacc. and as far as your second question, suga’s a very caring, very smothering kinda yandere, so i guess in some ways it’s better than what the reader had with kageyama but... pick your poison haha

That was so good. I’m so shook rn I can’t comprehend anything but how good that was and how good a writer you are

TYSM NONNIE!!! <33

Ok, so, I just read Final Girl and the lil' ticket addition to it and just---

Well, ok I've been playing Dead by Daylight a lot lately? And I'm just picturing Tetsu as the newest killer "The Trickster" and I'm positively RANDY.

Your writing is ALREADY thirst inducing and just as satisfying, but this has SENT ME- If you're not familiar, please...

https://youtu.be/iowkiPobYYQ

Understand my thirst. (I'd also like to clarify, I use a different skin for him that gives him black hair and he looks like Kuroo with an undercut.)

~ @the-casual-hedonist 🌸

i love how feral y’all got for final girl kuroo. like bo and akaashi had his fans, but i put a spiked bat in kuroo’s hands and y’all lost your goddamn minds and i love to see it. fghdjkvhfjdkls thanks for the ask bby

idk why but I love preggo reader as long as I don't pretend it's me 😢✋ I hate babies n pregnancy anywhere else other than horny haikyuu fics

i think that’s a valid thing for a lot of fans. the idea of breeding is sexy, the actual getting pregnant and having a kid thing... not so much. but especially with non-con scenario’s, it’s more about the aspect on control than the actual desire to have kids. but yeah, i feel you

Sorry to bother but uh was just wondering in fracture did Osamu kill his wife or was it actually an “unfortunate event” ? Love your work btw!!

he most certainly did :))

LMFAO RHI i totally get not liking cheating/infidelity fics (towards reader) bc IT HIRTS ME SO BAD I CANNOT HANDLE THOSE.

id be reading fics those fics like: tf you mean my yandere aimt gonna baby me and only want me??🤨🤨🤨⁉️‼️

EXACTLY! listen i get that it’s a fucked up fantasy, but in my fucked up fantasy you damn well better have the decency to be loyal smh

Finders keepers is the most beautiful thing I've read by you: I read it twice like I normally do and here's what I figured out the second time (that's when I analyze it and find the little tidbits of things that are much darker than they appear (: )

To start I LOVE THE DETAILS OF THEM NEVER TEACHING READER ANYTHING- at first I assumed "oh they might see her as a little sister or child or something" but realized thAT WAS THE ISSUE!! they infantilize her and isolate her from everyone but her group. the small details like that are what make the story amazing 😎💅

ahh thank you so much, nonnie!! pls this is making me soft 🥺

I just wanted to stop by and say that I love your writing and I hope you're doing well!!! Drink plenty of water and keep up the amazing work :) but seriously you're one of the best fanfic writers I've seen on tumblr! I read your "Imitation" piece about kuroo and i keep coming back to it, it's so good! I did want to ask if you think it'd be possible for the reader to ever escape with the baby (or at least attempt to). Or if Kenma would "help" at all just to put an end to kuroo's antics lmao

kenma would in no way help the reader, and tbh by that point if kuroo did get her pregnant, she’d be far too emotionally dependant on him to actually even want to leave, but thanks for the ask!

You know who I think would be a perfect Yandere in the JJK world? Choso.

🚨Spoilers Ahead🚨

After being locked in a glass jar for however long he was, and all that happened with his brothers, I feel like he would absolutely never let his darling out of his sight. He would be possessive. Obsessive. And Oh So delusional. Sure he’d be your anything - he truly is a softy - but to what end?🤤

choso would make an excellent yandere, ngl 😌

what au/troupe of your fav character(s) that you have written do you like the most?

(rlly hope this makes sense🙏)

i am always a slut for soulmate au’s :))

[eldritch-elrics]

svsss: the (not so) grand return of peerless cucumber

so a LOT happened in the chapters i read last night (44-49) and i have. SO many thoughts

not as many as i had right after i read but i really had to go to bed so i couldn’t write them all up.....

i put some reactions in individual posts but i’ll repeat them here!

first of all. shang qinghua. fucked off to the demon realm. like, good for him? but also. i want to see my boy

binghe keeping sqq’s body??? xue yang vibes OFF the charts

so I’M IN LOVE WITH THE MUSHROOM PLOT

i love how every so often sv will hit me with a twist that is SO up my alley that i just. lose it a little bit

HE MADE HIMSELF A CLONE BODY OUT OF MAGICAL MUSHROOMS AND TRANSPORTED HIS SOUL INTO IT.

i love mushroom shit and i love bodyswapping and. my god.

the fact that sqq has died twice and been forced to inhabit 3 different bodies??? wei wuxian wishes he were this cool

sidenote but the mental image of sqq doing radio calisthenics in the forest is really funny. or maybe it’s just funny to me because of the associations i have with this one time in japanese class?

sqq’s new body looking like a cross between shen yuan and shen qingqiu is really interesting and perhaps... symbolic....?

also hey does this mean he doesn’t have to deal with the cureless poison anymore. i assumed that it would be cured in his eventual sexytimes with binghe but hmmm i guess not!

the point where i really lost it was when he realized he was disconnected from the system. i know now that it wasn’t permanent but that was just so interesting, how much he hates it and wants it gone. which makes sense! even though it has helped him get out of bad spots at times, it’s a sign that he’s not really from this world. now i’m just really curious what’s gonna happen to the system at the end of the novel. maybe it’ll shut off once he achieves the “goal” it’s seemed to have set for him and gets together with lbh?

also i’m glad that sqq seems to have matured a little bit in terms of his people skills / problem solving skills? though uh. remains to be seen how he’ll act in front of binghe when binghe realizes who he is

it also seems like i was completely wrong about sqq’s motivations for sacrificing himself lol. lot more selfish than i thought? but it makes sense! fun twist

mxtx sure likes to have her protagonists execute plots that they don’t tell the reader about until after they happen lol (i’m thinking of the golden core transfer)

uhh back to plot reactions

love the running joke about peerless cucumber. also the demon names... six balls <3

also hold on a minute, peerless cucumber is a dick joke? lmao

thank you airplane for making it clear binghe has a big dick. absolutely vital character information

so i’ve said this before but sqq’s narration really CARRIES this novel. here i’m thinking specifically about his diatribe against sha hualing’s nails

shl is pretty fun. sexy evil lady!

sqq can turn his fan into a blade. nie huaisang get ON that smh

yang yixuan my beloved!

also HAHA i predicted that sqq’s super mushroom powers could help the xin mo thing and i was RIGHT

so sqq is just. SO invested in getting the plot back on track. like with all the harem members and stuff. it’s so funny because like bro. surely you’ve noticed by now that things are going very differently than in pidw. and also... you don’t WANT to go back on the pidw track bc that would kill you!!!

so the system reactivates when binghe turns up right? i am thinking about. the fact that when it tries to reboot it’s like “contacting customer service”

WHO IS CUSTOMER SERVICE.

it’s so interesting because like... obviously the whole system thing is so much bigger than just A Book? it’s even got airplane trapped inside it. and he’s the fucking author! who is running this thing? and for what purpose?

sqq listening in on the gossip about how lbh is DEFINITELY obsessively in love with him was SO funny. poor man

so binghe. he has become so COLD

i don’t like it :(

once more. my dude go to therapy.

wait also random but sqq has a beard now and for some reason that’s so funny to me

life at the palace seems terrible lmao no one is doing ok

smh, mxtx protags keep dying and staying dead for huge amounts of time and then coming back in different bodies

the fact that binghe’s happiest memories are training with sqq :(

THE FACT THAT BINGHE IS ABSOLUTELY SHIT AT KISSING

my god. that entire scene

went from “awwww headpats” to “AAAAAAAA”

the fact that the system congratulates him i’m sjkdhgjhsdhgjsds poor sqq.... didn’t ask for this shit.......

after 50 chapters, he’s finally realized he turned the male lead gay <3 say goodbye to all those funny oblivious moments!

i had to stop there because it was way too late at night but wow. we shall see how this relationship progresses

i can’t see it improving anytime soon but at least sqq knows lbh likes him now???

i had a LOT of thoughts last night but now i’m pretty much just like. i really need to see where it goes before i make any judgements on bingqiu

rn i’m not a big fan because 1. sqq is so wildly uncomfortable (understandable lol, even if lbh thinks it’s just a dream) and 2. lbh is very obsessive and that’s not really my favorite trope. but like it’s obviously not meant to be a healthy relationship, at least definitely not right now, and i do like some good fucked up romance! i’m excited to see the developments where sqq realizes what his real feelings are

i’m also fairly neutral on binghe as a character atm. his main personality traits seem to be “obsessed with sqq” and “trying not to die from evil sword qi poisoning” and i don’t find that all that compelling? between him and lwj i have to say that mxtx’s love interest characters are not really my favorite, though i wouldn’t say i dislike either of them.

furthermore i’m slightly concerned with how lbh’s “i’m the main character and i get what i want” attitude is gonna affect the romance. i know there’s some dubconny stuff later which i can’t say i’m excited for but i am excited to see how binghe’s character is gonna develop in general

my aspirations for bingqiu is that they’re both able to eventually break free of the expectations of the system

because, look at this from sqq’s pov. there’s this ai in your head that has, for literal years, been steering you towards a romance that you (at least outwardly) don’t want. isn’t that fucking terrifying? i love it. the system (at least how i see it) has been bending the established plot of the world in order to make this happen. it’s like fate but you can see the gears turning.

and even if sqq does end up liking lbh back, can you imagine the existential crisis of like. wondering if he really CHOSE to get with binghe or if he was somehow compelled to by the system which acts based on binghe’s emotions?

i think that would be so interesting

however what i think is Actually going to happen (based on that one time when airplane was like “hey cucumber, uh, is lbh just a character to you or is there more...”) is that sqq is gonna realize that he’s had a bit of a crush on binghe since reading pidw and is only just now dealing with his internalized homophobia. so him getting together with binghe has less strings attached

i think there’s some opportunity here for a commentary on the soulmate trope? because svsss is just so steeped in themes about agency and fate. i think that would be really cool but we’ll have to see. i feel like the ending is gonna be simpler and happier than i want it to be but obviously i cannot make any judgements yet! i’m just having Thoughts :)

so, i also read one of the extras (the one where he goes with lqg to battle succubi) because the translation i’m reading recommended it! it was pretty fun

sqq SO clueless. like i get it, he doesn’t think he’s into anything other than Pretty Cis Women, but. sqq we’ll work on this

also ASKING LQG IF HE’S A VIRGIN. sqq literally stop

(that was so funny though)

liu qingge ACE RIGHTS

actually lqg’s outburst in this chapter was kind of bizarre and can be explained in a few different ways i think?

i really like the idea of him being aroace. thinks true love doesn’t exist etc

i feel like the intended implication of lqg’s outburst is that he’s realized madame meiyin is referring to binghe and is like “holy shit no sqq can’t be with Him”

maybe lqg is just homophobic?

but i. also kind of wonder if lqg is gay and in love with sqq? and is just putting up the “such deep love doesn’t exist” thing because he really doesn’t want sqq to know

there was that whole line where the succubus was like “well you’re not his soulmate you don’t know” and it made me think

on the other hand i can’t really see lqg liking sqq that way; they seem to have more of a Bro Bond

then again lqg does keep fighting binghe for sqq’s sake

either headcanon is fun! i’d be excited for more insight into lqg in general i think

[selfcareparker]

okay fghsgdj yes you can say girl ! my pronouns are she/her :) okay but fr pause, i read this like 3 minutes after you posted it (or at least my notif said 3mins lmao) bUT IM IN BED AND I USUALLY HAVE MY COMPUTER OPEN WITH YOUR RESPONSE SO I MAKE SURE I ADDRESS EVERYTHING AND THEN SEND IN THE ASK ON MY PHONE HDGSJSH anyway, time to get my ass up 😔 but wait i find you so funny like honestly, reading that cracked me all the way up. and i feel the “lol” thing so hard!!!! idk why i do it all the time (i’m tryna stop) but i’ll say something with lol at the beginning and lol at the end... it might be a defense mechanism at this point lol (😔) AND (i need to stop with the uppercase too it’s not funny anymore) I DONT KNOW WHY I LAUGHED SO HARD JDHSK WHEN YOU SAID ALSO AGAIN HAHAHAH LIKE UR HAHHAH also my sleep schedule is not pretty either lmao but i’m homeschooled so i never have to get up for anything? hhdhsis idk but i’m glad you slept!! you need sleep!!

also (pls no i cannot) why did i not know what ykwim meant until i reread this?? like it makes so much sense- anyway! i think it’s so cool that you’re excited for university! idk why but i do lol like you’re getting ready for the future (masters degree and all that) & you’re (maybe) going to england anyway so that’s cool haha (hopefully when you go you can see your relatives 🤞🏾)

the fact that you get happy seeing my asks i- 💓💓

you make me wanna go to London & England so bad urghhhh like i’ve only been out of the country once (to Canada for a family reunion) but it sounds so prettyyyyy & i’m so sorry that cov*d is messing everything up and i hope you can see your relatives soon :(

now to address the whole english speaking/writing: I FIND THAT SO WEIRD DUHSKSJ i don’t know how an english speaking person could say that if you don’t write it 100% grammatically correct.... that it’s wrong? when literally, over here at least, WE’RE SO GRAMMATICALLY INCORRECT HAHHAAH in both the way we talk and write!! and lol you’re welcome,, AND THE PARAGRAPH DID MAKE SENSE HDHSJSH & your rant is fine because... that is actually a bit ??? bc no one writes with 100% grammar lol

OH MY GOSH (see this uppercase thing is addictive) YOU STUDIED LATIN FOR 6 YEARS??? that’s really cool 🥺 the way that you know/speak 3+ languages i- NOT EVEN 3+ LIKE 6+ (german, english, latin, french, serbian, italian, and everything that comes with latin lmao) even if it’s just a tiny bit like wowee. it is really fascinating!!! i had the opportunity to take latin and i... didnt. i took art instead BUT ONLY CUZ MY FRIENDS WERE IN THAT CLASS AND ART LOOKED FUN IM SORRY

PLEASE WHY DO YOU KNOW EVERYONE?? that sounds so fricking cool tell your mom (mum or mama it’s really fine lol) that she sounds awesome. i think Jamaica would be fun either way!! i mean it looks pretty from pictures? i was a baby so i honestly have no recollection hahaha

LMAOO NOT U SAYING THIS IS LONGER THAN SOME OF MY FICS- PLEASE GIRL IM TELLING YOU I VERBALLY LAUGHED HAHAHAHAHAH but yea you really don’t need to apologize i like reading everything you say 🥺 HDKSHS AND UR FINE WE WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT ME BEFORE uhhh hmm uhh lemme think i, well, i saw chaos walking yesterday (big tom holland fan over here) and it was alright.. my mom acted a fool at all the jump scares LMAO but it was funny... since i’m talking about movies (this is hella random i know) but i like shark movies HDKJSSJ my favorite is the meg (it’s so good ohmigosh) and the 47 meters down movies aren’t bad either... i have two younger brothers... iiiii AM IN LOVE WITH MUSIC PHEW anddd i’m homeschooled (i think i mentioned that lol) i think that’s a good amount ahahaha AND IM HUNGRY RN JDHSJ

now. please. let me address the edit. i just want you to know that.. when i talk about your fics and i finish them and everything i’m not looking for more? like obviously if you’re writing i’m gonna read it but you don’t need to feel pressured or anything (idk if you do) to put more fics out lol like they’re great and i’m just sending the praise bc i love the ones that are there :’) but i’m so happy you’re working through your writers block!!! yay so so happy for you!!! and PUHLEASE anything you write is fantastic, i feel the exact same way when i write but girl. you’re fine. it’s gonna be great. (idk if this made any sense but... okay)

(and my cousin calls her mom mama so it’s really okay hahah i even call my mom mama sometimes) (and where you got the number “16 sentences” beats me but i still cracked up) (is this me pretending i had tags? maybe) HAHAHAHA OK BYE ❤️❤️ why did this take me so long to send i have no clue, AND WHY AM I OVERTHINKING EVERYTHING I SAID SHAJSHSJ ANYWAY BYE btw i love us too... like iconic // lovely anon 💓

me reading this:

also the dedication you put into sending me stuff— like with the laptop and phone and ahsksk 🥺🥺🥺

i’ll update you when i’ve started uni btw, i’m getting more and more excited every single day haha but i still have 3 weeks until it starts and even then I’ll obviously have to get used to it and everything, but you’re making me even more excited about it sksjshsg

yeah i wanna go to england too dkshsh let’s be sad together over the fact the we can’t travel eksjsh😔😭 but hopefully the wait will make it even better in the end <33 also i talk to loads of relatives over the phone at least once a week so it’s not too bad for me! but i miss their house 😭lmao

and i knowww snshsh so many native english speakers just make so many mistakes— and obviously i get that some things are slang but some things are simply wrong ajsh, the thing is no one has ever told me that my english is bad (i know it’s not bad anyway, but i’m still insecure) or no one has ever pointed out any mistakes, but yeah it’s mostly just insecurity dkshsg but yes thanks for saying what you said (previously as well as in this ask)😌🥰

Okay now for latin— girlll i don’t blame u for choosing art over latin esp. when all of your friends are doing art as well!! I’d choose art over latin as well lol skshsg but in year 6 we had to choose between latin and french, and at the time i didn’t like french? which was dumb of me and now i wanna learn french ekdhs but i don’t regret choosing latin at all bc if i properly learn french one day then i’ll already know understand loads of stuff (or at least some stuff lol) just thanks to latin 😌😌 but still, art>>>latin skskshshgs

I wanna watch chaos walking too!!! But i don’t get when/where/how it’s out lmao, cinemas are still closed here so i’ll either have to wait or find it somewhere online... il*egally 🥰 i don’t have high expectations at all btw but i like daisy and tom and the dog🥺 so i think i’ll enjoy it

GIRL SHARK FILMS SHARK FOLMS SKSJSHSHS okay so there are a few classics i haven’t watched yet, and also a few new ones that i haven’t seen yet BUT I LOVE SHARK FILMS SO MUCH SKSHSGSGSKK the first like proper shark film i ever watched was the shallows (which i like but my brain is still too small to comprehend what happened at the end (i mean i get it but i just can’t imagine it— idek if you’ve seen the film but skshhs)) and after watching it three times it does get a bit boring (but now whenever i see pictures or videos of big waves i’m just waiting for a shark to show up like come ON SKSJSG

^^^that pic/scene really traumatised me sksjsh but i still like the film

I only watched jaws like a few months ago, and i get that it’s a classic and also that it’s old and they just didn’t have the best.. equipment or special effects or whatever but i mean... look at meg and then look at jaws.... no disrespect to jaws at ALL but the meg is so much cooler. (That one scene on the boat where the shark just JUMPS OUT OF THE WATER AND SKSJSHHSUSJHA i get such a shock every time it’s so good (and the dog aww aksjshssli 🥺🥺🥰 and the boy with the ice cream lmao he’s iconic)

47 metres down, wow, i liked that film too. (i’ve only watched the original/first one i think) i mean that is such a fucking nightmare scenario like ALSJDHSNEMSKDJSHSJSKWBALSODUEWBSLDKHDJSNSKSKSHSGEBWKAISGSHEKEKSKLDJDJDHDHSHAGGA (that’s the best way i can express my feelings about that scenario lmao)

oh and i’ve recently been watching more horror films but i don’t know if they’re for me... I like the thrill and whatever but i just end up being scared for my life when i have to go to the bathroom at night or when i’m trying to sleep bc suddenly my mind is flooded with all the scary shit from the films 💀💀💀

and music i mean... you know those people who just don’t listen to music? WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEM???? i honestly like all genres especially in the last year, i am IN LOVE with Nicki Minaj + Megan andddd Stormzy and i like Harry Styles but i prefer his first solo album (and obviously one direction has bangers i have a throwback 1D session at least once a month), I also love MGK especially his new stuff and otherwise i mostly listen to german artists lmao. So who do you like?💖 (WHY DO I FEEL LIKE YOURE GONNA SAY SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT SKAHAGUS IF YOU LISTEN TO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT MUSIC DONT JUDGE ME AJSHDJS) (i know you’re not gonna judge me but)

++ @ the thing you said about writing, don’t worry, i don’t feel pressured at all!!! (not by you and not by anybody else.. except myself sometimes lol) and i’m just very happy that you liked my fics 🥰🥰🥰 and if i start telling people that i’m writing a fic then sometimes it puts a bit of (healthy) pressure on me. like yes sometimes it really is writer’s block, but sometimes i really am just lazy ddkshhd so now that i’ve told you i’m writing a fic i might get my ass up quicker than i would if i hadn’t told anyone 😌😌😌

[tellywoodtrash]

immj 17.10.20 lb

ugh mummyyyyyyyyyyyyy. cannot stand this damn overacting, just stab yourself and chalti bano, c'mon.

good lord the early 2000s K-serial-esque reaction shots and whooshing sound effects, i cannot.

i am maata rani, smirking like DO IT BITCHHHHHHHH

GODDAMNIT VANSH.

some more overacting. also putting words in his mouth ki “tumne mujhe maaaf kyunnnn kar diya??”

lol sure, this is the face of someone who's forgiven ya. 

yup he literally was like "save the drama, mama" and walked off.

“galat insaan se panga liya hai tumne, riddhima.” yehiiii toh hai riddhima's most fond hobby. casually taking panga with ppl who are waaaaaaaay out of her league.

could barely understand wtf he’s growling like an angry grizzly bear.

ofc wifey wants to do patni dharam of bandaging.

some unexpectedly deep statements about how she's only capable of hurting him, and he doesn't want bandages on his baahar ke zakhm. idk what the fuck right he has to be so uppity after breaking the bangle on her hand purposely.

idhar bhi some emotional blackmail about being his wife and it's her haq and farz and idk what else.

ugh she just said “maine tumhe dard diya hai vansh, par dard bhi toh apne hi dete haina?” WHICH IS SOMETHING I FUCKING HATE. STOP NORMALIZING THIS BS AND PROMOTING TOXICITY IN RELATIONSHIPS.

haq jataa jataa ke kaaboo mein kar liya.  

fwding chachi's jewelry blah blah

iska chehra hamesha aisa kyun hai???? mummy ne sikhaaya nahi hai kya, ki mooh banaoge toh aise hi atak jayega.

some more saazish and scheming. just another routine day in the lives of these shady fucks.

i'm just whateverrrrrr about this scene coz hellooooooo, he hurt her hand too, and he has noooooooo issues with it.

but i can't help and lol at the way he's scowling like a child whose mom refused to get it some tooth-rotting sugar bomb at the supermarket.

throwing back that "apne" comment she made with a hard truth of his own: “apne apnon pe bharosa karte hain [...] do you trust me????? toh aaj tak apne aap ko yeh bharosa kyun nahi dilaa payi ki ragini ke baare mein maine tumse kuch nahi chupaaya hai? kyun dhoondti rehti ho usko idhar udhar?”

ok seriously, i am on neither of these dumbasses' sides. she is extraordinarily nosy and taang adaaofies in shit that's not her business, but my man, it's not like YOU'VE been an open book to her about yourself. why the fuck should she trust you??? based on what????? you've disclosed zero personal details about yourself willingly. like just the ragini thing itself; you’ve told her nothing about it, act incredibly cagey about it every time it’s brought up, and you want her to implicitly trust you that all is fine and dandy?????  you think it’s fucking normal to have statues of random women who “betrayed” you in your attic????? aur toh aur, you want her to confide all her secrets in you, the man who put a gun to her fucking head on the wedding night??? and continues to intimidate her with death threats????? is that how you think trust is fostered?????? she doesn't trust you for THE SAME FUCKING REASON that you don't trust her. and that's coz you fuckers didn't even have one, decent chodo, not even one NORMAL conversation that two people should have before they marry. i haven't even watched the show beyond a week now, and i know that shit for a goddamn fact.

and you, missy. you need to stop being such a wishy washy dheent. decide once and for all which man you want, and stay tf on that side. i hate such thaali ki baingans.

oh yeah, itni akal hai tum mein ki she sent a parcel to sejal in mumbai and then she said she's in dubai, but you didn't realise the bs mummy fed you about that fucking painting???? honestly vansh, how does it even make sense, that riddhima was preventing her from disclosing a truth that would clear her own name??????

awwwwwwwwwwwwww yisssssssssss, baby sister, secret shaatir is here.

oh danggggggggg, she's the one who overheard riddhima last night. and she went straighttttttttt to vansh with it. i love itttttt. we loveeeeee a tight sibling pairrrrrrr.

lmao she's the one who spilt the beans about the painting as well. i fucking love it.

siya still trying to angle in some sympathy for bhaabi and bhai is like HMPH NO DON’T TAKE HER SIDE SHE IS A CHEATERCOCK

is he listening to himself??????? he wants to keep his own secrets but riddhima should disclose all of hers???? YEH KAUNSA LOGIC HAI BEY GOBAR GANESH????

siya thinking the same thing as me.

everytime vansh sits down on his haunches to talk to siya, my heart grows 6 sizes.

“nahi hai bharosa riddhima ko mujhpe.” says the forlorn SadBoiii, who married a girl just to find out who's she's working for as a spy.

siya like "meri hi budhdhi brasht ho gayi hai, jo mein inn bewakoofon ke chonchlon mein pad rahi hoon."

hallelujah, sis has finally decided to end all the dhokas. yeah, can't WAITTTTTTTTTT to see how that turns out. judging by past history and the general tone of this show, it should go super smooth and great!!!!!

dadi here with some cliche aansoon shraddha dialogues that are not at all helpful rn, but ok whatever.

blah blah be not only his sangini but also his rakshak. dudeee, goli khaaa chuki hai uske liye, isse zyaada kya raksha kare???!?!?!! matlab idk what kinda expectations ppl are keeping from bahus these days, fucking ridic.

this one also........ her mouth writing bharosa waala cheques that her perma-shakki brain can't cash.

maata rani suffers fools better than i do, and blessing the good dumb sis.

blah blah sajaaofy pooja ki aarthi ka thaal, do pooja, and everything will be changa. chalo, yeh bhi try kar lete hain. aapke adiyal pote ke dimaag ko thikaane lagaana bas bhagwan ke hi haath mein hai.

sejal callllllling. meaning KABIRRRRRRRR callingggg.

great, dadi being over-familiar and taking the phone to talk to sejal. ughhhhhhhhh.

grabbed the phone back in time. phew.

kabir feeling good enough to sip daaru from a nice delicate champagne flute, so can't say i feel too sorry for him rn.

but also my god, what in the random hell is the decor of his place? a wolf poster, the word GOLD, some ainvayi ka luxury type office chair. did he dumpster dive to collect this shit???

riddhima talking out of her ass and saying i won't help you anymore coz vansh isn't a criminal. sis, we’re all little bit of a criminal. you telling me he doesn’t have traffic tickets? doesn’t illegally stream shit online? doesn’t skip through reading the terms and conditions before clicking “i agree” on random websites, and then go on to completely ignore alllllllllllll the rules they stated about fair use???

kabir like OH WORD? YOU MUST HAVE PROOF OF HIS INNOCENCE THEN? which lmaoooooooooooo, that's not how the fucking law works, my good dude.

some more aadarshwaadi dialoguebaazi.

i am kabir. i am forever kabir. so done with this chick's unique blend of self-righteousness and idiocy and see-sawing ways.

[vent-inside-bitch-outside]

by and large this blog has been one of the only places I feel truly comfortable sharing my thoughts. I’m not auditing my own thoughts when i type here. that being said, i wonder about other people finding this. I can’t tell if I dont want that to happen or not. Like, i’d never lay myself bare like this to another human being, maybe this is the only way i can ever communicate about my feelings earnestly with another person? or on the other hand, maybe people are meant to have a place where they can process their own thoughts without expecting, wanting, or even entertaining the idea of someone else reading through their “writings.” I’m not sure what’s got me this talkative rn, but if i’m reading this back at a later date or “imaginary scenario where someone else reads this” comes true, i’m like, typing the thoughts exactly as they come to me, hence the conversational tone. Im also not reading this back now for a reason that i cannot particularly articulate at the moment. Posterity? that’s probably not right. Earlier, i was listening to hip-hop and i was feeling really sad cause it was like, all the plaintive kanye west songs i enjoy and i was letting my sad fester (white boy listen to sad kanye song cringe moment) and then spotify fed me some really positive  Q-Tip songs so im actually feeling kind of good. Last thing worth mentioning is that uhhh the reason my emotions are all stirred up rn is because I was playing amorous of all things and some of the more intimate (romantically, not sexually) moments made me feel... things.

like, the game would describe a passionate kiss or feeling safe while holding someone and i just,...  yeah ://// I got really sad. thinking about it just now made me kinda idk get more energy. I wish i could properly articulate it but it made me feel things, loneliness, I guess? like reminding me of what i dont have, a simulacrum of what i yearn for. Ive got a lot of energy but im gonna try to go lie down now.

Not sure who i’m addressing right now (future self? reader whom I know? Some random tumblr person who found this? If you know me irl and are reading this without my knowledge thats fucking weird. Regardless of if you exist, i’m addressing some vague individual in the future. That feels weird. I hope future me is... better. If he directed you here (if he’s still “he” but i do not intend to discuss nor acknowledge that repress repress repress repress its gone ok) then he really isn’t the person that wrote this, for the better obviously. The me(s) that have put their thoughts onto this blog are not the kind of person who would open up to someone like that. If he gave you this blog voluntarily, tell him i’m proud of him for the degree to which he’s grown :). My mood has rapidly shifted to more optimistic, but, i am truly hoping for better things in the future. If future me is who’s reading this right now, do i sound crazy rambling like this? I know you can’t answer this unless time travel exists in the future lol. But also I hope you’re finding this in a better place than i’m in writing this.

This is uuhhhhh pretty cathartic. I feel like i’m working a lot out right now. I’m going to make a seperate post so i don’t have to read thru all this later but I just realized that i am at least a little better right now. i am wishing well for myself. I AM PERMITTING MYSELF TO FEEL BETTER, AT LEAST A LITTLE BIT. im not ready to say the L-word to myself yet but im getting somewhere. but god fucking damn i need to stop having emotional epiphanies at 3:30 in the god damned morning. Doubt ill feel this well in the morning (or afternoon more realistically lol)

sometimes i just get the phrase “I love you” at the back of my throat, like wanting to come out randomly. so whoever is reading this, friend, stranger, future self. I love you :)

Every day i try a little harder to become a better person i hope.

that’s probably what i’ve been missing recently, a sense of hope. I think it may be coming back to me as of late :)). time will tell.

goodnight, and I wish you well. Thanks for listening.

[seblore]

everyday i wake up and you still havent posted your evermore rant </3

there u go boo 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

GDBDNSKDJHHDDNDS GIRL................ ok so i very cleverly avoided ranking folklore because every song REALLY HIT and the whole album was just SO.. SO.. yeah. i can however rank miss evermore. i dont want to compare the two album i do not get the point in that. both give off really different vibes. now what i will say is with folklore, AS AN ALBUM, it is just a master masterpiece. The songs flowed amazingly with each other and really held you close the entire first listen. at least thats what I felt like <3 with evermore however, the individual songs are OMG!!! THERE IS LITERALLY NO SONG I DONT LIKE FROM ANY OF THE TWO ALBUMS. but as an album on the first listen i did feel a bit disconnected from evermore which didnt happen to me with folklore. why i think that might’ve happened is BECAUSE taylor is just so brilliant m8.... the MASSIVE contrasting emotions between the songs was too much for my little brain to handle.

Ok so now that’s out of the way dhsjsk time for rankings :) i have no idea where im going to put each song im just going to make it up as we go <3 ill ALSO give you my fave lyrics from each if I remember it <333 (oh and also you’ll notice marjorie isnt here. im sorry but i never listened to it after the first listen because it hits a little too close to home and i dont want to unpack all of that now im sorry! it is a beautiful song)

14. Closure: she popped off <3 she really said dont treat me like a situation that needs to be handled 💃🤙💯 a beautiful song with beautiful lyrics HOWEVER its the first song i couldnt connect with thus it’s down here BUT I STILL WOULD LISTEN TO IT ON REPEAT THO... the last in my ranking but still fucks 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️ thats taylor swift 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

13. long story short: i have never been in a relationship ever BUT GODDAMN ‘pushed from the precipice, clung to the nearest lips’ hdjsksksjjddjnBbdns jddd ubebs!:!?:?:$3&39383$hzjs WOAH.... and this bitch really summarized the full 2016 drama with long story short it was a bad time. HILARITY. yeah not much to say here tho this is just the ‘at least one mandatory song to shake your tits to on each ts album’ song of evermore <3 and always remember that if the shoe fits walk in it TILL YOUR HIGH HEELS BREAK WOOH ANDIFELLDOWNTHEPEDESTALRIGHTDOWNTHERA—

12: dorothea: making a lark of misery :D RENt free. i had to listen to ‘if youre tired of being known for who you know you know youll always know me’ 113 times to finally understand it tho 😐 some of us are stupid and illiterate have you ever thought about that miss swift???? anyways TINGTINGTINGINGINGING THE STARS IN YOUR EYES SHINED BRIGHTER IN TUPELO <33333 such an innocent feel good song I LOVE!!!!!

11. ivy: the goddamn here and the hush of mirrorball ARE THE REASON IM STILL ALIVE 😽 another lyrical masterclass <3 ‘id live and die for moments that we stole on begged and borrowed time’ IS2G!!!!!!!!!!! anyways what if you cheated on your husband with me and i cheated on my husband with you and my pain fit in the palm of your freezing hands 😳 JK JK 😅 unless...... 🤪😏 hdjsks yeah this song is magnificently cursed and i am in love with it 🧎‍♀️

10. tis the damn season: this song is august but the other side of the coin. august but four months later. AUGUST SLIPPED AWAY LIKE A BOTTLE OF WINE- THE HOLIDAYS LINGER LIKE A BAD PERFUMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE... she sounds so pretty goshhh! ‘time flies messy as the mud on your truck tires NOW IM MISSING YOUR SMILE hear me out we could just ride around and the road not taken looks real good now’ is on repeat in my mind. and as always the bridge ::::::::::::::.............:::::::::::::: how does she do this everytime. ‘and wonder about the only soul who can tell which smiles im faking’ 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️ after every ts song i listen my expectations about true love grows exponentially and my chances of finding true love falls exponentially simultaneously ADIEU.

9. willow: she really took the invisible string quartet and put it in huh..................... FUCKED IN THE HEADDDDDDDDDDDDDD. what can i say <3 its just such a pretty song <3 hashtag gorgeous hashtag i cant say anything to its face. WRECK MY PLANS!!!!!! WRECK IT BITCH!!! ‘wait for the signal and ill meet you after dark’ LOVE STORY WHIPLASH. also mate i cant even focus on the song she looks SO GOOD in the music video i—

8. happiness: !!!! what can i say.... one of the best songs of the album hands down. lyrical masterpiece AND musically rich. she really logged into tumblr dot com and typed out ‘THERE’LL BE HAPPINESS AFTER YOU’ AND ‘THERE WAS HAPPINESS BECAUSE OF YOU’ ARE IDEAS THAT CAN COEXIST and logged off...... h8 her and her insanity. the one word i have to describe this song is: picturesque. tis a picturesque song <3 oh and dfbhhffcbhDDVHHTRSDVJK when i heard ‘i hope she’ll be a beautiful fool who takes my spot next to you’ i audibly GASPED and then she says ‘no i didnt mean that sorry i cant see facts through all of my fury’................. i fell out of my chair. IT FELT LIKE AS IF SHE HEARD MY GASP AND TOLD ME SPECIFICALLY THAT NO SHE DIDNT MEAN IT LIKE THAT... anyways yeah. ill write an article one day named THE SWIFT DECEPTION OF TAYLOR about how she keeps writing songs with deceptive titles and this will be the opening case 😈🤙 also the fact that this is one of my faves and i put it in number 8 says a lot......

7. evermore: i havent recovered from ‘motion capture. put me in a bad light’. i mean come on the whole goddamn song is a lyrical masterpiece. ‘writing letters addressed to the fire’. IS SHE OK!????????????? i think tf not. beautiful song beautiful arrangement. iver sounded really good too. and lol lol rofl WOOFWOOFbarkbark ‘HEY DECEMBER GUESS IM FEELING UNMOORED’ unmoored definition from google dot com: no longer attached. she doesn’t go back to december anymore. about2 faint oml. long story short: i did not survive. THIS PAIN WOULD BE FOR EVERMORE........ what i felt with this song is that she took the quarantine sadness we all felt at least once this year and made it into a masterpiece of a song. couldve been easily the top song on any album except this. no i will not elaborate <3

6. no body no crime: i cannot believe. she teased us with a musical number. this woman teased us with. a musical number. I THINK SHE IS WRITING A MUSICAL BUT I JUST CANT PROVE IT! when she wins that tony 16 years later call me prophetic xoxo. anyways yeah she literally wrote this to flex her storytelling abilities. send tweet 🐥

5. cowboy like me: YEEEHAWWW I’LL BE HONEST WITH YOU I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT THE FULL SONG SOUNDS LIKE I JUST HAVE THE BRIDGE ON REPEAT!!!! OMFG!!! the skeletons in both our closets plotted hard to fuck this up. AAAA!! ??? STFU. IM NOT EVEN TALKING ABOUT THE LYRICS MATE THE WAY ITS SUNG!!!!!!! GUT WRENCHING! the best bridge she has ever written musically. i cant stop listening to it. REALLYYY DID BELIEEEVE I WAS THE ONEEE. STORIESSS ABOUT WHEEEN YOU PASSSEDDD THROUGHH TOWN. y e l l. and then she hits me with ‘now you hang from my lips like the gardens of babylon.’ L ???? M !!!!! A $$$$$ O “”””” i had to pause it and sit there for 10 minutes to take in what i had just heard. case closed critical hit sustained yeedhawd.

4. tolerate it: i cried. the only reason it’s not 1 is because it hurt me too much. WHAT THE FUCK YOU MF YOU ASSUME IM FINE BUT WYD IF I BREAK FREE AND LEAVE US IN THE RUINS???? TOOK THIS DAGGER IN ME AND REMOV— m8 this physically hurts me everytime. if its all in my head TELL ME RN. aghhh aRghhhhhhh. pain. and lol she broke down sleep to its bare essentials ‘breathing with your eyes closed’.

3. ??? coney island: i know it’s a bit of a controversial top three but WHO CARES 🕴this is solely here for ‘AND IM SITTING ON A BENCH IN CONEY ISLAND wondering where did my BABYy GO’ im shaking. my bed is shaking. my body is shaking. my pupils are shaking. THE WAY SHE SINGS IT OH MY GOODNESS ME i have to lie down gimme a sec. ‘and if this is the long haul howd we get here so soon 😟’ SCREAM. and when i was hearing it for the first time and she said ‘sorry for not making you my centerfold’ i was like yeah and?? so what?? and then she hits me with ‘over and over’...... so she didnt make him/her/them her centerfold over and over !!!!!!! she is sorry she didnt do it over and over!!!!!! mannn.... the chorus.. i shall not speak. i am held at gunpoint i CANNOT SPEAK. the bridge tho dhdnsksksjsb I CAN SPEAK AND I SHALL SPEAK. BITCH WENT OFFFFFFFF. <3 this is the apology she deserved from her exes which she never got so she wrote it herself. podium. grey skies. birthday cake. ACCIDENT. im laughingggggggggggg <///3 and yeah so overall it is a really yummy song with yummy vocals and yummy arrangement 9/10 would recommend. also!! life lessons kids life lessons. disappointments? SIMPLY CLOSE YOUR EYES AND PRETEND YOU DO NOT SEE IT YAAAAAAAAAS

2. gold rush: ETHEREAL!!!!!! The last time i felt like this™️ whilst listening to a song was with mirrorball <3 the production of this song omg omg omg LOVE 💃 but what propelled it to number two status was the ‘i dont like slow motion double vision in ROSE BLUSH/ i dont like that falling feels like flying till the BONE CRUSH’ imagine how fucked in the head a person needs to be to rhyme rose blush with bone crush. yeah i have nothing more to say really this song is extremely gorgeous and ‘eyes like sinking ships on water so inviting i almost jumped in’ / ‘walk past quick brush’ ?:!:!&:8483 F A V E <33333 and the transition transmission transfusion from ‘... gray old tea cuz itll never be ᵍˡᵉᵃᵃᵃᵃᵐⁱⁿᵍ ᵗʷⁱⁿᵏˡⁱⁿᵍᵍᵍᵍ’ MADAME

1. champagne problems: are we surprised? ARE WE REALLY SURPRISED? when listening to new albums i normally listen to it at one go in order. i stick to that rule. HOWEVER after many years of my solid album listening self made rule tm i finally broke and immediately replayed this mf song after listening to it once. ‘you had a speech, youre speechless/ love slipped beyond your reaches’???? stfu???? VILE. PUNISHABLE. DEROGATORY. and welp the entire bridge ...... .... ........... what can i say. And the parallels to miss all too well??? WHAT WAS THE REASON???? your SISTER splashed out on the bottle- left my scarf there at your SISTER’s house 😐 she’ll patch up your tapestry that i SHRED- maybe this thing was a masterpiece till you TORE it all up 😐 your MOM’s ring in your pocket- your MOTHER’s telling stories bout you on the tee ball team 😐 November flush and your FLANNEL cure- PLAID shirt days and nights when you made me your own 😐 wHAT A SHAME SHE IS FUCKED IN THE HEAD IS2G........... and also why would she not rhyme POCKET with LOCKET?????? why with wallet???????????? slant rhyme why????????????? AND THE NOTE THIS MF SONG ENDS ON..... FUCKED IN THE HEAD

THATS IT. i really sat here and did this for the past 2 hours huh...... hhdjsms anyways LONG STORY SHORT: I HATE ONE INSANE WOMAN AND HER NAME IS TAYLOR ALISON SWIFT. GODSPEEED 🏃‍♀️

[swellwriting]

tagged by @kabeswaters​ and @fortisfiliae​ love u both sm <3 <3

1. on a scale of 1-10, how excited are you about life right now? it fluctuates but right now -1 

2. describe yourself in a hashtag? #anxious

3. if you could do a love scene with anyone, who would it be? JAKE MOTHERFUCKING GYLLENHAAL 

4. if your life was a musical, what would the marquee say? i dont know what that is hah

5. what’s one thing people don’t know about you? i guess some people don’t know i’m type one diabetic??

6. what’s your wake up ritual? uh phone, animal crossing, fruit loops, weed

7. what’s your go to bed ritual? I watch asmr videos cuz im usually high as fuck and they knock me out lol, or i watch tiktok or pillow talk with my bf nick.

8. what’s your favorite time of day? like 9 pm?

9. your go to for having a good laugh? my boyfriend always makes me laugh no matter how angry or upset i am so i’d talk to him uwu

10. dream country to visit? FRANCe specifically Paris oui oui with my french candian bullshit

11. what’s the biggest surprise you’ve ever had? when they announced 5sos was touring with one direction and i had tickets, never screamed so loud in my LIFE

12. heels or flats/sneakers? sneakers duh

13. vintage or new? vintage babey

14. who do you want to write your obituary? ME from the great beyond, the only other person who knows me well enouhg is nick and i love him but he is very stupid.

15. style icon? uh harry styles, devon lee carlson, halsey, bella hadid, tyler the creator some normal people whos style i LOVE  from insta are rebeccaramsdale , kehllie , kikalateefff , yourgirlneens , lilxmg !

16. what are three things you cannot live without? phone, insulin, art, music

17. what’s one ingredient you put in everything? probs vanilla or hotsauce, the only two flavours.

18. what 3 people living or dead would you want to make dinner for? my dead brother DJ, kurt cobain andddd ryan dunn from jackass what a weird mix.

19. what’s your biggest fear in life? loosing my senses, loosing control, the fear that i am not actually real and ... oh spiders.

20. window or aisle seat? window 

21. what’s your current tv obsession? think its gonna be adventure time again

22. favorite app? instagram or discord so i can talk to my friends uwu

23. secret talent? i can speak french and giberish

24. most adventurous thing you’ve ever done in your life? camping i guess?

25. how would you define yourself in three words? anxious, empathetic, creative

26. favorite piece of clothing you own? my vintage star wars shirt

27. a must have clothing item that everyone should have? blank tees, good quality blank tees!!! white black grey mhmhmh

28. a superpower you would want? i’d wanna be spidergirl

29. what’s inspiring you in life right now? nothing at all :(

30. best piece of advice you’ve received? my grade six teacher telling me that i was very empathetic as i was sitting at the back of the class crying because of the movie we were watching, she told me not everyone is empathetic like i am but its okay to be soft. but not to expect that from everyone else.

31. best advice you’d give your teenage self? teenage me was a mess but not messy enough that i’d change anything. i’d just say, things get better but im currently back in the state teenage me was in so...i’d be lying. maybe that wanting to kill yourself does not count as a personality trait - and start reading comics earlier cuz u really like them.

32. a book everyone should read? i read wack books, everyone on tumblr should read fangirl tho

33. what would you like to be remembered for? something i created

34. how do you define beauty? self expression and individuality 

35. what do you love most about your body? wait people love their bodies? not everyone was severly damaged by online diet culture and thigh gap era tumblr? weird ok

36. best way to take a rest/decompress? weed or bath or a movie

37. favorite place to view art? there is an art gallery in saskatchewan that i love, i was suposed to go there this summer before corona took over :(((

38. if your life was a song, what would the title be? either something short like “mellow” or fob style like “im so anxiuos all the time and nothing ever feels real and i dont know what im doing but somehow im doing pretty good while feeling prety bad and laughing through my tears lol.” or i’d steal “teen idle” by marina and the diamonds.

39. if you could master one instrument, what would it be? guitar or piano because im lame at both.

40. if you had a tattoo, where would it be? i want two moths above my knees rn

41 dolphins or koalas? neither

42. what’s an animal that represents you? im more of a pokemon, i think id be jigglypuff

43. best gift you’ve ever received? whenever nick buys me clothes from stussy or maybe infinity on high on vinyl.

44. best gift you’ve given? i bought nick the entire sin city comic series in one giant book.

45. what’s your favorite board game? monopoly

46. what’s your favorite color? yellow

47. least favorite color? that weird pinky purple

48. diamond or pearls? pearls

49. drugstore makeup or designer? colour pop and fenty

50. pilates or yoga? yoga

51. coffee or tea? tea

52. what’s the weirdest word in the english language? pumpernickle is my fav one.

53. dark chocolate or milk chocolate? MILK

54. stairs or elevators? stairs

55. summer or winter? summer, canadian winters are brutal.

56. you are stuck on an island, you can pick one food to eat forever without getting tired of it, what would you eat? ur asking someone who has very specific comfort foods so i already do this - cheese bagel toasted with cream cheese and then toasted again to melt cheddar cheese on top. with a diet coke thats very important.

57. a dessert you don’t like? cheesecake 

58. a skill you’re working on mastering? im crazy so this is a lot but - writing , drawing and painting, polymer clay, sewing, resin art and pottery.

59. best thing to happen to you today? nothing

60. worst thing to happen to you today? the line at starbucks was too long and i had to get wendys instead, and a few other things i won’t mention.

61. best compliment you’ve ever received? whenever my mom says i remind her of my brother dj, when people say anything nice about my art or writing style. when people ask about my clothes. when my friend jess called me a “known softie” uwu

62. favorite smell? lavender

63. hugs or kisses? hugs

64. if you made a documentary, what would it be about? i’d talk about star wars for hours on end 

65. last piece of content you consumed that made you cry? of mice and men made me ball my fucking eyes out

66. lipstick or lipgloss? chapstickk

67. sweet or savory? sweet

68. girl crush? Zendaya

69. how do you know you’re in love? idk ive just always been in love with nick (since i was 15) before i even really knew what love was, i guess if the other person feels like home, you know ur doing something right.

70. a song you can listen to on repeat? nine in the afternoon by p!atd or a match into water by peirce the veil, over my head by fleetwood mac

71. if you could switch lives with someone for a day, who would it be? harry styles that mysterious fucker

72. what are you most excited for/about this time in your life? currently not looking forward to anything becase my life is super uncertain right now ha.. maybe the release of the chaos walking movie whenever that decides to happen.

tagging: i assume yall have been tagged in this already but just incase @beskarjedi @woakiees @bluemadcnna @carolinesbookworld  @theseuscmander and anyone else who wants to do this consider urself tagged.