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#to stop them from killing themself
muskpunk · 22 days
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yooooooooo 5am ptsd flashback gacha pulls just dropped wooooooo yeah lets go gamers!!!!!
#tag traumadump cause my loved ones are all asleep#and I had to cancel therapy this week cause I have covid and my therapist wont be here for what was meant to be my appointment next week so#country boys make do or whatever#and yk what it's exhausting to only ever tell my closest loved ones what my daily symptom shit looks like#if even them#so!#tonight I can't stop thinking about having been a youth service worker. I'm feeling in my body what it felt like to have to restrain someone#to stop them from killing themself#the feeling of using my body as a shield for a kid who used racial slurs as he hospitalized me#against another kid#against oncoming cars#or my hand between his head and the wall#better to break my fingers than to allow the brain damage that could happen in just an instant#I'm also remembering staying with my aunt in high school#and thinking about how when I was kicked out of my house to hers#she would throw parties in the living room where I was given the couch to sleep#I woke up at like 5am for school cause the bussing was stupid long#and she'd do it til past midnight#the only quieter place I could go was the kitchen and the kitchen had little floorspace that wasn't allocated to her dogs cage#so I slept in front of that cage with her dog on the floor. didn't even give me a blanket lol#that dog slept more comfortably than I did those nights running from my dad :')#now I'm a dog too and the thought of sleeping in a cage is comforting#not because or in spite of thst memory... like it wasn't a conscious factor and I've always kinda Been A Dog anyways#but it's funny to think back on.#I've lived with a lot of people who liked their dogs a lot better than me#of course they were gonna be my role models when they were the dependents in my family that got treated the most lovingly lol#anyway my Place to them was made clear and it only took a little over a decade to realize how much I Understood The Assignment lol#woof woof.
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loud-whistling-yes · 6 months
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This is going to sound like the world's most brain-rotted thought but passerine by the oh hellos is martlet coded and canary in a coal mine by the crane wives is clover coded
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another day another "applying the concept 'disposability' to 'someone withdraws from a personal relationship, & that wasn't signed off on by the other'" kill me
#literal acknowledged interpersonal abuse Needing to be ''mediated'' (implicit premise of preserving that relationship >>>)#and if the victim doesn't participate they're treating their abusive partner / abusive relationship as ''disposable''#like in what meaningful way. getting away from an abuser is ''disposing'' of them like imprisonment / killing From A State?#dropping an abusive relationship is ''disposing'' of it? like uh yeah i sure hope it is#this is always Vaguely Applied to ''ppl don't want to HANDLE CONFLICTS or DO THE WORK'' & then connected to political actions#like well someone's just a bad person In The World / All Things if they stopped being my friend and i don't know why#like of course that Can Be good faith. it's a personal business#but if someone ghosts you and you truly don't know why Yeah maybe there's something going on but like okay let them go#if they want to do that for reasons you don't think are Compelling or they just aren't interested / putting in that Effort then like#what Friendship is really being lost here. but then tweet about it with no context & a zillion ppl like SO TRUE kys randos#[fart reverb Conflict Is Not Abuse] standard abuse apologetics which are easy & a zillion ppl go SO TRUE b/c It's Abuse Culture#someone HAS to Answer My Texts / Calls / In Person Confrontations As A Bold Clearsighted Political Actor are you kidding#someone really doesn't. even if you Really are like ''and i'm not even consciously malicious'' what a high bar#one gazillion abusive parents will tell you And My Estranged Child Won't Even Tell Me Why / Doesn't Have Any Good Reasons / Won't Talk....#what am i supposed to doooo i'm at a losssss And Really I'm The Victim#''i want to break up'' / ''okay i don't :) let's talk through Your Feelings :) [waffle around until insisting on Same Access To Person]''#someone can rescind interpersonal access to themself For Any / No Reason. on a dime no explanation necessary. for god's sake#and friendship is not actually some magically pure & Neutral relationship either. same things#anyway just unfollowed some rando for their thread spinning off a vague qrt ''ppl are so AFRAID OF CONFRONTATION they unfriend u''#going on & on abt how You Need To Put In The Work & Effort & You're Just Probably A Bad Person Otherwise & Disposability like#the disposability is my three points wastebasket toss. death via the state =/= someone won't talk to you. can we be at all serious#every day i reach out further like aplatonic people [some emblem gesture] lovelessness [same] help me#thinking of a Good Tweet i saw abt framing everything re: interactions with others around Consideration first & foremost#wildly enough the way you treat people doesn't need to have Fundamental Assumptions re: like ah Friendship / Community / Love / Family &ccc#how do you treat a stranger. how do you treat someone who you don't personally like &/or vice versa. how do you treat ppl you don't Meet.#it's all so vague it could mean Anything but a) often hints towards [abuse victims are framed as Bad Political Actors]#& b) then that's what people read into & respond to for sure lol#as ever ''oh everyone's just little bitches who can't handle any discomfort. yes; this was prompted by my being discomfited''#wait yeah lol i did not Confront this stranger to try to Posit this to them in twttr's character limit; just unfollowed. disposability smh
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my-thoughts-and-junk · 2 months
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thinkbing about. him
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#random thoughts#fnaf#rotating him in my mind like an orb or perhapps a microwavable tv dinner#love the idea of a character who for some reason has him in their house and does regular maintenance on him#someone who worked for fazbear fright and fucking. stole him#au where the place wasn't burned down and actually opened and some kid started working there and fucking took his ass#springtrap in my head is like. mostly an animal. running on instinct and ancient programming. only rarely lucid#the kid who took him oh my god. what if someone who was the sibling of one of the five missing kids stole him#and like. they know he's the man behind the slaughter and can remember him from when he was alive#and they take him and keep him running as like a form of torture. because fazbear fright was gonna be shut down and the animatronic#was gonna be destroyed or smth and they were like 'no you son of a bitch not yet'#and they can sometimes see the ghosts of the children and employees who died and henry. but like they're not done#they cant let go. not yet.#cant let him go to the beyond because that would be too merciful for a son of a bitch like him#but springtrap cant really understand whats happening and mostly just sees Some Guy keeping him running so most of his feelings#are positive#when he's semi lucid he tries to kill them#when he recognizes them from before he kind of shuts down#the range is 'friend!!!' to 'i am going to fucking murder you' to 'how did you do in pe today'#like this guy mostly isn't william afton. idk who he is but he isn't him most of the time#i imagine the springtrap suit is a unique model so its hard to get replacement parts for him so most of him is custom at this point#idk what they do with the bones. probably leave them alone for the most part out of fear of him passing on if they got rid of them#he smells like dirt and mildew and restroom deoderizer probably#i imagine their thoughts on him are 'i recognize this mostly isnt the man who killed my sibling so i dont want him to suffer'#'but also i cant handle the idea of even a little of the man who killed my sibling being able to stop suffering'#like this is william's idea of hell. complete depersonalization#they make his stay tolerable. decent maintenance. idk what kind of enrichment he needs#being kept in a basement away from regular social interaction is probably hell for any children's animatronic#so he loves when they come down for maintenance. probably rarely at first and then more frequently as they adjust themself to his presence#idk how he feels about maintenance. probably very used to the feeling of having a dude inside of him lmaooo
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toasted-valentine · 2 months
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@pyrotechnicarus was right, that tv can fucking glow.
#i saw the tv glow#isttvg#the set design dude#the world is just decaying around Owen as they’re dying from the inside out#everything starts losing color and we stop seeing Owen out in the bright sunlight#the only shot that’s there that’s nice and bright and wonderful is the one of maddys burial spot#the split second pause after the drive thru worker calls Owen sir#like it was just physically painful to hear and they needed a second#the fact they just start apologizing for having a breakdown but there’s still time and they shouldn’t be doing that#they phrase it as needing to become a man but really all they’re doing is killing themself slowly over time#i 100% read Maddy and Owen/Isabel and Tara as t4t love where one of them was ready to come out and move on with their life while the other#is too scared to ever change and is stuck in an endless loop of being something they’re not#Owen has the personality of wet grass but that’s the entire point#being too scared to ever be anything more than what is expected and just rotting over years and year and just hating yourself all the while#I love the part where Owen can’t verbalize why exactly their romantic attraction feels wrong#it’s wrong because they’re trans and can’t incision a life as Owen but can’t say out loud that it’s being perceived as a male in#a relationship that is the problem#the jab the dad makes about pink opaque being a girl’s show and how the dad is the one to drag Owen away from freedom in the tv#he’s holding Owen back but they’re so fucking scared to live as Isabel and are just stuck in a cycle of self loathing#but there’s still time#the reason Maddy/Tara doesn’t come back is because there is still time#but Owen has to be the one to commit to being Isabel and no one else is going to drag them into the dirt#it’s their choice alone and their inaction is a choice all on its own#no matter how much time passes as long as Owen is alive then there is still time to change but their inaction is slowly killing them#the fact they find the truth in their own chest dude that’s such a trans thing#where the fuck is my insurance card I’m calling my doctor to start t when the offices open#THERES STILL TIME MAN#THERES STILL TIME
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automatonknight · 1 year
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me when i play the class that medics uber and i get. ubered
#yesterday i had the very important job of taking out a heavy+medic pair raiding our spawn and today i got sent to destroy an engie's nest#(by that i mean a teleporter. dispenser and lvl 3 sentry+the engie that built it and a pyro that was i guess just tagging along) (i'm sorry#to them but you don't say no to your medic)#with the first one it wasn't perfect but i DID kill them both and i also destroyed the nest so 💪💪💪#STILL. a fucking scary experience to suddenly see my screen light up and i have to stop fucking around#the medic today actually i guess took it upon themself to lead our team to victory (we did win yay) because they found me and told me via#voice commands that a sentry is ahead and to GOOO!!! GO THEM ZHEM!!!#AND it's also so funny honestly. i get so protective of our medics. we stumbled upon a demoknight in our sewers i mean me and the medic#that sent me to that nest and ofc you take out the medic first but i still go like NO!!! NO!!! LEAVE DOCTOR ALONE!!!!! SHOO!#it's not like that guy was harmless too. no. they took out the ubersaw and started hacking#also unrelated but one guy was like scout in our intel can anyone take care of that. and i usually hang out near spawn so i'm like lol sure#maybe i'll get him. i. exploded him point blank and the guy congratulated me :3 yaaayyy#<that was also probably like. the most organized. communicated match i've played so far and the dude was just generally nice from what#i read when i glanced at the chat. peace and love forever#JESUS. seriously sorry about the diary entires in the tags but i um. i just get excited at the beauty of gaming ok?
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beeapocalypse · 7 months
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very rough idea for the pantheon of nonsense dungeon is that the existence dragons final wish+thought was to LINGER in a way that would never go away. as many lies thule may tell and as much as they may try to mold reality in their own image they are still working with its own clay. itd lead to a thule that is a lot more haunted + high strung bc every single second they are painfully aware of their parents being imbued in every single bit of reality and of its corpse just Hanging there u know
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thebadtimewolf · 9 months
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oh god. they grieved wilf's death together. i cant.
#tv: doctor who#{i. :( made my self sad}#{note: they just told you love interests was never a heal all solution for their psyche. fixing themselves to a 🤎 interest isnt healing}#{why didnt they fix themself to yaz rose sarah jane martha river: they were in the drs eyes friends but remember}#{they only consider them as friends. love interests are friends. donna isnt considered a friend. shes propped up to be his best friend}#{full stop. hell the companion reunion is set up as a group therapy in the show. shes in group therapy for the good and horrors of it all}#{yes this does mean that tentoo is separated from the doctor completely. hes just jackson lake.}#{he actually has a family: what about susan? from susan and down saw him more of a pedestal. it just stayed that way. donna didnt}#{they reiterated this over and over and over and over and OVER again. the dr doesnt need love from someone that sees them like that}#{they need love from someone that is actually willing to make him live day by day to heal to recooperate}#{after power of the doctor and then comics AND TV going back to back IM QUICK SUCCESSION OF NO REST? 14 is at full exhaustion}#{if rose told him to stop he wouldnt if martha clara sarah jane river yaz if any of them told him to stop they wouldnt listen}#{because he uses romantic love as an excuse to burn himself out AND HE DID LITERALLY 9 DOES THIS}#{it was never healthy. and then they kept going. and going and going}#{bill questioned but she couldnt stop him}#{she was the strongest cause of guilt because he retook the role of a professor role a role familiar to ace}#{only it got bill killed because he didnt slow down he didnt talk and decompress. ever. he used trenzalore as an excuse to never confide}#{in anyone and only telling stories so no would ask if HE was alright. yeah they lived but is he actually alright}#{no one talks. except. donna. 15 even states that they do rehab backwards AND THATS NOT HOW REHAB WORKS. YOU DONT GET TO SKIP TO HEALED}#{WITHOUT DOING THE ACTUAL PROCESS OF HEALING}#{he regenerate until he turn into a grain of sand but thats not healing. its just another way of avoid talking thru their grief}#{but they grieved! no they didnt. EVEN IN DW LOCKDOWN THEY DIDNT GRIEVE.}#{penelope garcia's clinical social worker said it best}#{all the things I've survived I have been absorbing trauma since I was really young and thinking I was some sort of hero for doing it.}#{newsflash she wasnt and for garcias 15 yrs vs the dr's billions on billions yrs worth of it: even when u do the right thing even when u}#{stop serial killers (or intergalactic threats) ur body is still absorbing that trauma.}#{they are not a hero for holding on to it because trauma has to be off-loaded. It has to be transformed or ur body will destroy u.}#{end quote.}#{like THATS WHAT DR HAS BEEN DOING THE WHOLE TIME AND 15 SAID: NO MORE! CONSIDER THIS 14S RETIREMENT.}#{i dont like the ending: well i do. 15 and rtd said grief n trauma therapy with donna or bust bitches}
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mxdotpng · 1 year
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we. as a community. are severally lacking in anything about richard and asbel trying to kill each other.
EDIT: these tags have become less and less about asbel and richard killing each other. i am so sorry. do not ask me to speak about anything ever this is exactly what happens every time.
#.text#ohhh i could fix them. are you listening to me?#i genuinely did enjoy graces (<- hasnt actually finished it yet) and i love it DEARLY but i NEED to overhaul everything#could you imagine? asbel's entire character is about wanting to save people. he wants to save everyone he can#he wants to save sophie. he wants to save richard. but nothing really comes from that#what if he had to learn he cant save people alone? he told richard at the beginning that he couldnt shoulder everything.#thats what asbel is there for. to help richard shoulder his burdens. but asbel never had to learn the same.#he always saw it as his Own duty to save others - its HIS duty to save sophie. its HIS duty to save richard.#there are no consequences to this- he doesnt run himself into the ground#or end up hurting his friends. he doesnt run off alone and have them chase him. proving that they are there to help him#shoulder the same burdens he helps richard with. sophie doesnt get worse for this and neither does richard.#what if he had to learn that there were different ways to save people? he had used direct action constantly. every single time.#but what if he had to face the fact that thats not what everyone wants let alone needs? if he were to learn that some people#can be saved by saving themself. or that some people can be saved just by speaking to them rather than#having their problems fixed for them. what then? or if he were to meet someone who just. couldnt be saved.#i do think richard should live at the end -- i really do like that. BUT.#i think asbel should have had a chance to learn that maybe the only way to save richard was to kill him.#maybe this happens -- i dont know yet. i stopped right before the ending i believe. but i dont think it does.#he is the one to constantly. constantly. try to help others. and seek ways to help others. he doesnt know his place in the world#but when he can help someone find theirs. or help someone make sure they Stay here. he feels like he has one.#that his existence. him being saved. was not a mistake. and that he is meant to be here.#but i think i would have liked to see him learn that in some cases. some very tragic cases. there is salvation in death.#plus i think. it wouldve been nice to have someone tell asbel that sometimes people Cant get help. sometimes#the only way they can be saved is if they save themselves. because it means so Much. so many different things#it happens to sophie and richard and i feel like it should have happened to asbel too. its evident he does not care about#himself as much as he should. he has not forgiven himself for something that happened as a child. and he doesnt forgive himself for#things out of his control too. he carries the weight of the world on his shoulders -- except that weight is self imposed. and it is going#to kill him one of these days. it Should. there shoulf be consequences.#i dont knoww i just think the themes of the game kind of miss because of how little theyre actually implimented throughout the game#even though i enjoyed it SOOOO much genuinely. i really did.
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infizero · 11 months
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this image haunted my brain when i was trying to fall asleep last night so i had to make it
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fated-normal-767 · 1 year
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“Uh you don’t need to try and look after me if you don’t want to I’ll be fine.” Actually I need things to fight for and protect every day or else I will die. but thank you.
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nanamis-bigtie · 10 months
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50 Smutty Fics Ideas
Made this for an event I haven't run in the end, but it'd be a pity to keep them hidden. I hope they'll help your creativity flow!
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A and B are hiding together in a tight place, their bodies pressed close. With adrenaline running in their veins, the situation eventually gets out of control.
A and B are dancing what eventually leads to a slow, intimate dance. A gets aroused from B pressing close to them.
A has an obvious crush on B and plans to finally confess. A chickens out and tries to opt out of the situation, but B presses them to speak in a spicy way.
A is tied to an altar as a sacrifice to demon!B. More than taking their life, B is interested in taking their body.
During a visit in a sex shop A spots a weird toy. B suggests purchase as a joke. Little do they know A seriously wants to use it.
A and B are friends with benefits. A's feelings turn out to be genuine, but they don't want to ruin the balance, so they keep it to themself…until they accidentally slip a confession during sex.
A is really into a specific body type/body part and B's body looks as if taken straight out of A's fantasy. A can't hold it anymore and reveals how much B turns them on.
A and B are on a motorcycle trip. The constant movement, vibration and touching is getting them excited.
A walks on B changing. It's the first time they see them naked, and they can't peel their eyes off them.
A survives a near miss. B, worried and scared to death, doesn't want to leave their side since then.
A and B need to share bed due to circumstances. They wake up in each other's arms and it awakens something in them.
A goes down on B. B wears nothing but stockings. At some point A starts tearing them out of the way with their teeth.
A loves B's scent but they keep it secret. One day B catches A masturbating while sniffing a piece of their clothing.
The way A moans "I love you" turns B absolutely feral.
A tries to get B jealous as a part of their flirting game. B snaps way harder then A predicted.
A and B are in a dom-sub relationship. A breaks a rule and B has to again teach them how to be a good sub.
A is less experienced in kink than B. B introduces them to the world of kink with their favorite one.
A gets extra loud during sex so B has to cover their lips. Limited oxygen/fingers in mouth insanely turn A on.
A and B meet for what's not supposed to be a romantic date - but they feel so good around each other, it's suddenly 2am, and they don't really want to part. A proposes B to move the meeting to their place.
A is arguing with B. They truly can't decide whether they want to kill or fuck B more.
That was supposed to be just a make out session, but A kisses so good that B gets impossibly aroused.
A and B are about to face a dangerous situation. They want to enjoy life before it might be too late.
A celebrates a great success with B. Drinks and festive atmosphere quickly turn the matters spicy.
It's A's birthday and they find B tied to bed in nothing but very revealing lingerie.
After a soul-draining break up, A wants to get rid of remaining grief & enter a new path of life with a bang: they contact B, a professional dom.
A and B realize they are being watched during sex. They don't intend to stop.
A is in a middle of meeting when they receive a message B. It's a very explicit nude.
A puts a blade by B's throat, be it seriously or as a joke/teasing. B's reaction is…enthusiastic.
A's hands seriously distract B. Their reactions eventually clue A in: and they decide to use the new knowledge to their favor.
A and B get trapped in one small space and need to wait for emergency. If only there was a way to kill the boredom…
A uses a sexual favor to convince B to do something.
A suffers from pent-up stress and frustration. B offers their body for them to use to get rid of negative emotions.
During soft, vanilla sex A asks B to try something different/rougher.
A shoves B against the wall. Now, once they are so close, A can't stop looking at B's face/lips/body part of choice.
A has lips/tongue/nipples/genitals pierced. B is really curious how does it feel during sex.
A rolls sleeves up/takes shirt off, revealing body hair to B. B has no idea how to act normal around A anymore.
A is usually reserved when it comes to intimacy and emotions. When in public, B does something that breaks A. A pulls B close and whispers to them: "I need you. Now."
A is preparing themself to roll with their day. B walks on them wearing nothing but their shirt.
A tends to neglect their needs. B uses kink as a way of taking care of them.
It's unbearably hot and A switches to wearing short and fine dresses. B finds out they are wearing no underwear underneath.
A has a really big dick/strap, B struggles to take it. A taunts and teases them about it.
Good cock & bad cock routine with dom!A, dom!B and sub!C. A praises C while B degrades and taunts them.
A and B are in a dedicated but open relationship. C grabs their mutual interest.
A loses a bet and now has to do what B tells them.
A, B, C (and maybe more 🤭) running a train on D.
A has a dark/unusual sexual fantasy & they bring it up to their partner, B. B agrees to try it out.
After a longer break A is so needy for sex that they can't enough of B. B is a trembling, ruined mess, but A just keeps going.
A is filthy rich & B is their sugar baby. A pays B a ridiculous amount of money to try a kinky scenario out.
A is a virgin but also very curious about a certain kink. B does their best to let them try it in a safe and satisfying way.
Wedding night between A and B takes an extra spicy turn.
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Please, reblog and/or credit, when you use (but don't @ me!). The divider made by @/saradika.
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bat-the-misfit · 2 years
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i hate pretending everything is ok when it's not
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thirty tags generally never being enough: LOS-307 also having a perfectly neurodivergent time manifesting as their having a distressing/harmful experience that goes ignored (as does their talking about it, from [forewarning] to [increasingly urgently remarking on it]) b/c no one else shares it, and their efforts to help themself out by requesting a break from a task that's overtaxing them or trying to cool the room to cool themself are thwarted b/c [not continuing to overheat for their own current wellbeing And to avoid its exacerbation and an outright crisis] is dismissed for [i do want to keep playing this game to win it though] and [i would be uncomfortable if cold]. also that when it's way too late it's like oh ok Now um well just cool down it's fine lol. just like irl. iconique autistique
#LOS-307#i mean this like [the internal experience Can't really exist or be a Problem: not in any way that a) means anyone would take action to#help with that and/or b) means the affected person would be allowed to take action to help themself with that] is more broadly nd#of course nt people have parallel experiences but Do have the sense of being justified in expected their reaction to be Taken Seriously#& this can be tied in to Other [there's a power dynamic] experiences like environments / situations being structured around the norm for#one group while others are having to make all these additional efforts &/or endure a worse time while experiencing this#and the people they could complain to would be like ''well I'm not [experiencing that] & everyone's Been acting fine sooo''#but cue any sensory factor that is understood to be a ''normal'' & thus ''''universal'''' bother....#then anyone can immediately drop everything & move heaven & earth about it. like well of course?#fidget cubes as nd sensory/stim aids then interpreted Mainstreamly as a frivolous fad b/c what else could this experience be#gotta ban them from classrooms b/c adhd students stimming or doodling or just being unable to focus Always is like#well that's way deprioritized versus the concept of Normal Kids theoretically being distracted by a Toy#or that yeah say someone's needing to fidget or stim & that Is distracting someone else?#well guess who's always the one who has to stop. that there's not eve an Idea of conflicting needs/experiences when They're the one thrown#or yknow distracted by [w/e condition] or bothered or distressed or impeded from being able to do [xyz] or etc etc#and like i said all the [LOS-307 being chatty & friendly & enthused & reaching out & this isn't interacted w/at all for the longest time &#they have to go ''ok well i'm biting & killing you now?'' before it's recognized] like yeah a day in the life. I'D chat w/you bestie#and even that the fact they don't Already have friends meaning They're not getting key help/backup as they try to bite & kill you....#unfair tbh. connected devices aren't their friends#oh one Pure Visual Element....they had a vending machine price display go [hello lunella] as she walked by. & didn't notice that either!!#how cute of them & =( hello LOS....#giving them the ''well another autistic hero'' award. their experiences resonate! they deserve it!#they're melting down; they wanna be more chill; they're minimizing their own experience / telling themself what they Should do....#screenshot as they display an infinity symbol while saying they're only 8 months old but time is a human construct....
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beneathashadytree · 2 months
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EATEN ALIVE - SYLUS QIN X READER
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Warnings : biting, Sylus likes feeling his lover’s weight, neck kisses, BDSM mention, implied scent kink, reader is gender-neutral!
Genre : spicy fluff <3
Word count : 0.9K words
Additional notes : This brainrot is a result of that one homescreen interaction where you give him his palm and he bites you, and that one bond story where he’s sitting on the couch reading at some point. The image drove me a lil crazy😵‍💫 Also this was inspired by the song Eaten Alive by Diana Ross 🙏🏽
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“Another book on firearms?” they asked, leaning over him to get a glance at what he was reading.
Sylus didn’t look up from the page, glasses perched on his nose and legs crossed underneath his silk robe in the picture perfect image of regal serenity. The only acknowledgment he gave them was a hum, before simply saying, “Not this time,” and returning to his quiet laser-focus.
Annoyance flashed behind their eyes at his complete ignoring of their presence in front of him. And to make matters worse (or in this case, simply more irritating), from their position they couldn’t even read a single sentence upside down. “Aren’t you gonna tell me, then?”
At that, a smirk touched his lips, knowing that he got the desired reaction from them. “You do know that curiosity killed the cat, right?” The look in his eyes was every bit as fierce as it was taunting. “You seem hell-bent on using up all your nine lives.”
Bastard. He loved to tease them relentlessly, didn’t he?
Snapping the book shut with one hand, he pushed it aside face-down. He was taking all the possible measures to make sure they wouldn’t be able to read the title, it seemed. Would a kick to his shins procure the answer they wanted?
Before they could think of another tactic, he clasped their hand in his, unceremoniously tugging them down onto his lap. Yelping as he caught them off-guard, they barely managed to balance themself over him, hovering a little as they tried not to crush him—something he must’ve noticed, given the way he arched his eyebrow at them.
“Put your whole weight on me. I like that.” Sylus’ grin was wicked as he said that, but it was all parts tempting, luring them in like it always did. Maybe it was a figment of their imagination, but they could’ve sworn that they saw his eyes gleam brighter as they settled down properly in his lap. “That’s it, sweetie,” he purred, his hands quick to seek purchase in the fat of their hips.
His touch leaving a burning ache in its wake, he gently caressed every inch of skin he could reach. The hem of their top raised, nimble fingers dancing over their back and trailing over paths he’d long-memorized, he looked like he was truly enjoying the way their breath hitched in their throat, and how they squirmed against him.
“You’re too much,” they managed to huff out, trying their best to school their expression to one of indignation. “Weren’t you… just acting like I was distracting you?”
“A welcome distraction, if anything.” His free hand came up to remove his glasses, a mischievous look in his eyes. “If you hadn’t come for me, I would’ve gone looking for you in a bit anyways.” As though swearing his honesty, he pulled them closer and began pressing open-mouthed kisses against their neck, softly sucking at the warm skin. With every nip of his teeth, he earned a hiss of pain-pleasure, and a jolt of their hips bringing them closer to his. “You taste divine,” he groaned into their neck. “Smell so good too.”
“Hey.” It was supposed to sound admonishing, but it came out as a half-moan, half-whisper. “Stop trying to keep me off-track.” But were their words convincing, when they were writhing in his lap just at his kisses like that? “You’re… hah… avoiding me.”
“‘M not.”
Another kiss, this time at the junction of their jaw and neck, earning a small cry of his name, and that snapped them out of whatever daze they’d been trapped in. With a push to his chest, they managed to pry him off and cover his sinful mouth with their hand, though it seemed that it only spurred on the desire brewing in his scarlet eyes.
“Answer my question.” Panting and their head swimming, it was a wonder they were able to say anything coherent at all. “What were you reading and so hell-bent on hiding?”
As Sylus chuckled into their palm, he merely reached out a finger to drag the book in, quickly flipping it back up.
‘Screw the Roses, Send Me Thorns.’
Oh.
Pure delight danced in his eyes as he relished in their expression as realization dawned on them. Taking advantage of that split-second of their shock, he caught their hand in his, and bit into it—lightly, but just enough to sting in that way he knew deep down they liked so much.
Jumping, they were quick to snatch their hand away from his mouth, cheeks burning with warmth. Before they could even think of snapping at him, he’d licked his lips, as though savoring the taste of them that lingered.
It was all too hot, all at once and in all the most dangerous places of their body.
“I didn’t want to scare you off,” he coolly said, leaning back against the back of the leather couch and eying them with a practiced sultry-sweet gaze.
A promise lingered there; a promise of a forbidden fruit dangling right before their eyes and practically begging to be stolen and feasted on. Their hands itched to take him for themself, but would they do that without being devoured first? A chilling thought, and yet… the warmth in their core seemed to anticipate the moment either of them would snap and give in wholly.
Sylus quietly laughed at their heavy silence and glazed over eyes. At that moment they knew, that they’d fully played right into his hands where he’d wanted them. “But… judging from your reaction, I guess my worries were all in vain, hmm?”
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sfznyxio · 6 months
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❝ 𝐈, 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐈𝐆𝐍 ❞
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𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒. everyone says you’re the curse of your own legacy. dubbed “the worst ruler ever in history”, power is all you cared about. your selfishness leads to the downfall of your own kingdom, with you murdered at the hands of people you thought could be trusted. somehow the next day, you regress to the day you become the sole successor to the throne after the previous sovereign passed. can you prove your worth and show them you have what it takes to be the sovereign in this timeline?
𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒. argenti, bronya, dan heng, dr. ratio, gepard, jing yuan, ruan mei, sunday, trailblazer (caelus & stelle)
𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓. f!reader. royal au, time travel au. angst, hurt/comfort, fluff. 1.9k wc. inspired by billion manhwas that have this trope lol. the royal family is absolutely horrible and reader hates them. reader experiences dissociative amnesia due to trauma from said family and the previous timeline. lots of self-doubt. death is everywhere in this fic. a dark joke about betrayal (bronya). reader has hair (gepard). murder of a loved one and revenge (sunday).
𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐀. new year, new blog, and new fic but two months later! on spring break so i’m happy i got to write again, even if it’s just a little bit. watch me disappear for another six months or so because grad school’s a bitch.
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𝄞༉‧₊˚. ARGENTI
rumor has it among a group of chivalrous knights from a forgotten land that their deity, the god of beauty idrila, is in your kingdom. you happen to come across one of them when you snuck out of the castle. the knight introduces himself as argenti, a knight of beauty… a very strange one.
what person talks to objects as if they’re people and compliments them that they’re beautiful? as soon as he lays on you, he’s in front of you on one knee and kisses your hand, declaring that you’re beautiful, even as beautiful as idrila themself. surely you’re weirded out, but he seems sincere. 
there’s a possibility that your advisor sent a search party after you. you generally hate being escorted on your outings due to your upbringing, but going back there isn’t where your mind wants to be, so you ask the knight if he could be your company. ah, how could he resist a beautiful lady like yourself?
will he still see you as such when you ascend the throne?
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𝄞༉‧₊˚. BRONYA
house rand is known for their strong military leadership and is a unique case of nobility. majority of its lineage are commoners, going through a selection process as children to be adopted by the current leader and be trained as their successor. shortly before your ascension, former leader cocolia rand passed away. no one knows the cause of death, except her daughter.
marchioness bronya pays a visit to introduce herself as the new leader of the house. the two of you express condolences for your families, though you try not to flinch at how she praises the late sovereign like everyone else. she believes you can keep secrets well, which isn’t entirely wrong, so she asks to borrow you. you already know the topic of discussion: the actual cause of death of madam cocolia.
it’s me. her dialogue muffles into white noise. madam cocolia has made a deal with her daughter to kill her if anything happens. hm…? did you put trust in someone to stop you if you ever went insane? can you stab me in the back if that’s the case? your mouth runs on its own, and she’s in shock. you brush it off as a joke afterwards, saying she should ignore it. yet you can’t yourself as it’s been haunting you since.
do you trust her to end your suffering, for the good of the kingdom?
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𝄞༉‧₊˚. DAN HENG
the archivist strikes you as someone who dislikes bothersome people, so you try not to spend too much time researching your condition. though upon meeting dan heng at the library, he appears courteous and doesn’t mind your company. what leaves you puzzled is that he doesn’t question your sudden interest in time travel and regression. instead, he leads you upstairs.
on the way there you trip and he grabs onto you, triggering a flashback of the mob capturing you with tight holds during your escape. realizing the intensity of his grip on you because your body’s shaking, he lets go and adjusts his hand placement to your back so you can get up. then he makes sure you’re alright before reaching the data bank.
he assumes that you’re still traumatized from your family’s death based on your reaction to that memory. everyone believes the same thing, and it’s definitely wrong. but you can’t magically convince them that you’ve seen the future where they’ll die because of you. however, his intentions make you feel at ease. he says he’ll be nearby for help. is it really okay to rely on someone else for once?
will he stick to his word and catch you when you fall to your death?
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𝄞༉‧₊˚. DR. RATIO
the intelligentsia guild believes that knowledge is a valuable resource to obtain various mediums of information across the world. having one of their own at the castle not only as a professor at the royal academy, but as the advisor to the next sovereign is quite an honor. dr. ratio may be a brilliant scholar, but his interpersonal skills… not so much.
there isn’t a day where you’re spared from his lectures. to be fair, you’ve done questionable things after your family’s passing: sneaking out of the castle, researching time travel and regression, and raising raccoons that almost destroyed your garden and your servants’ sanities. nevertheless, you’re irritated by his emphasis on your reputation as a ruler. does it look like i want to be one? you storm out without a second thought.
after calming down, you search for him to apologize. you should’ve told him about how you felt instead of letting out an outburst. unfortunately he has gone home, but leaves a note that addresses your “odd hobbies” - ways to not alert the servants during your escapades, literature of topics of interest that aren’t in the library, and interventions of minimizing the chaos of your familiars. you take it as an apology; he’s more considerate than you think even if he doesn’t admit it.
can he stay by your side if you decide to abdicate the throne?
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𝄞༉‧₊˚. GEPARD
house landau is the “shield” of the kingdom, serving the royal family for generations. their current leader count landau is a stern man from what you recall the several times you visited him as a child. now he’s forced to retire due to his illness, replaced by his eldest and only son gepard, your childhood friend.
the two of you haven’t interacted much as you reach the training period for succession, whereas his father drills him to be insubordinate to the royal family as they have been. with your parents gone and the count ill, you can see him whenever you wish. but how should you approach him? more importantly, does he still see you as a friend? you give up instantly, exhausted from your mental trip to the past.
amidst the flames, he yells at you to run as shadows consume him. you shoot up - bloodshot eyes, rapid heartbeat, and heavy breaths. a pair of arms engulfs you, one hand rubbing your back and the other buried in your hair. rest, i’m here, he whispers against your forehead. you start to lose it, sobbing uncontrollably on his chest.
is this what giving in to your selfish gains feels like?
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𝄞༉‧₊˚. JING YUAN
the sight of citizens flocking to the plaza can be seen from your balcony. three people emerge from the crowd, who you recognize as residents of the civilization in the sky: the xianzhou alliance. they have no reason to be here unless it’s important business, and that happens to be you. how forgetful you are.
earlier you test a theory that hopefully changes your tragic fate. it takes courage to act like a jester in front of the council, sending diplomats to invite various factions to forge alliances. the entire court and yourself are amazed that one of the arbiter-generals jing yuan is here in the flesh. the xianzhou rely on themselves for help rather than outsiders, so there must be something that he wants from you.
little did you know while you’re interested in the xianzhou’s manpower, he’s interested in you. his two attendants have never seen their general smitten over someone before; it’s obnoxious. his visits become frequent; his purpose of seeking specific resources is really an excuse to shower you with gifts. he appreciates how headstrong you are throughout the tragedies you faced, wishing you give yourself more credit. he has faith in your capability as a sovereign, even if you don’t agree. 
he’s not here to play with your feelings, is he?
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𝄞༉‧₊˚. RUAN MEI
house ruan is revered by academia as geniuses of the century, yet rarely shows up in public as they care less about being in the spotlight. rather, they dedicate their lives to science. their daughter carries the household name with grace and elegance, though it can’t be said the same with her experiments in which she entrusts you to be her assistant.
lady ruan mei is interested in the concept of life. cycles of birth, growth, and death. existence of the living. development of cognition, emotions, and behaviors. they’re fascinating to her. creating lifeforms makes you feel some sort of sorrow; your creation is modeled after yourself. then you wonder how your family reacted when you were born.
soon you’re asked by the scientist about your existence, and whether you believe the gods can answer that. now that you think about it, were they involved in your regression? the human race worships the power of the heavens: creation and destruction. death is inevitable, but can the gods also rewrite reality? if they choose to send you back in time, did they want you to redeem yourself?
why bother going so far if you’re going to screw up again?
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𝄞༉‧₊˚. SUNDAY
no one hosts festivities as grand as house oak. under the impression that you’ve been secluded in your room grieving over the previous sovereign, they’ll throw a small party to cheer you up and celebrate your upcoming ascension. the thought of announcing you want to abdicate the throne is tempting, but their efforts will go to waste so you scrap it. might as well keep up a front and plan your next moves.
you’re welcomed into the venue by the high priest sunday, the organizer of this party. you’re feeling nervous, not because of the amount of guests but because of his overwhelming presence. he doesn’t seem familiar, or are you misremembering? do you still feel unwell, your majesty? behind the high priest is a young woman who bears some resemblance to him, and everything all at once falls into place.
his sister is the precious sun of his life, executed by the eclipse. the high priest follows the royal family without hesitation, only for his loyalty to be questioned at her expense. he isn’t the type to act so rash, but for her he’ll go to great lengths to exact his revenge. you lie to the siblings that you’re fine and tell the high priest to take care of her. there’s more than meets the eye regarding your behavior, but he just agrees to not arouse any suspicion.
what secrets have your people been hiding from you?
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𝄞༉‧₊˚. TRAILBLAZER
there are twin raccoons that practically live in your garden and are your servants’ worst nightmares. somehow they’re kind of like you - living in luxury while rotten to the core. you remember ordering your servants to exterminate them last time, so you take them instead so you won’t freak them out, much to your advisor’s dismay.
later you discover that caelus and stelle are shapeshifters who lost their memories, with their only lead being a magenta-haired woman. to your surprise they love to gossip, which proves themselves useful to be your spies, gathering intel on the current news that could coincide with the ones in the previous timeline. they can also find information about that woman. killing two birds with one stone. 
sometimes you worry about their work ethic, considering how chaotic they can be. for instance, their unhealthy obsession with trash cans. as much as you need them to get the job done, you realize you’re nothing better than your family. those two are extensions of yourself, learning about the world just as you are. so you step back and let them have fun with scraps. they’ll get to their missions eventually.
they appear to be loyal to a fault so there’s no way they’ll betray you, right?
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