#Stopping Them From Killing Themself
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“Uh you don’t need to try and look after me if you don’t want to I’ll be fine.” Actually I need things to fight for and protect every day or else I will die. but thank you.
#the worst miscommunication I ever had was#they got angry at me (extremely uncomfortable with sharing things and good at looking after myself)#for not letting them ‘help’ me.#and then said I was being too overprotective for#You’ll never guess it#Stopping Them From Killing Themself#fated rageposting
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This is going to sound like the world's most brain-rotted thought but passerine by the oh hellos is martlet coded and canary in a coal mine by the crane wives is clover coded
#I KNOW I SOUND LIKE IM LOSING IT BUT HEAR ME OUT#i do not have nearly enough experience to fully unpack the christian context behind passerine BUT#i know for a fact that its about losing your faith in something after seeing the harm done in its name#specifically that one line My palms and fingers still reek of gasoline/From throwing fuel to the fire of that greco-roman dream#look. idk. something something martlet losing faith in the justice from the royal guards#and the guilt after basically marching clover to their own death#all the hopes of the underground lie on the shoulders of a bunch of human children and its the job of the royal guard to fucking kill them#AND CANARY IN A COAL MINE + CLOVER IS SOOOOOOOOO#THE QUESTION OF WHETHER YOUR WORTH SHOULD BE MEASURED WITH THE THINGS YOUVE GIVEN WAY INSTEAD OF WHAT YOU HAVE AND ARE#WOULD CLOVER BE AS IMPORTANT IF IT WERENT FOR THEIR SOUL??? WOULD THEY FORGIVE THEMSELF IF THEY CHOSE TO KEEP THEIR SOUL?????#WOULD A CANARY STILL BE LOVED AFTER IT STOPPED SINGING?????????#also because the When You Break The Surface Without Me line hurts like a bitch#god i havent been so unwell about characters since double life came out this is insane#fuck it yknow what im maintagging this#undertale yellow#clover undertale yellow#martlet undertale yellow#fweeet#if i have to deal with these thoughts in my head so do all of you
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@pyrotechnicarus was right, that tv can fucking glow.
#i saw the tv glow#isttvg#the set design dude#the world is just decaying around Owen as they’re dying from the inside out#everything starts losing color and we stop seeing Owen out in the bright sunlight#the only shot that’s there that’s nice and bright and wonderful is the one of maddys burial spot#the split second pause after the drive thru worker calls Owen sir#like it was just physically painful to hear and they needed a second#the fact they just start apologizing for having a breakdown but there’s still time and they shouldn’t be doing that#they phrase it as needing to become a man but really all they’re doing is killing themself slowly over time#i 100% read Maddy and Owen/Isabel and Tara as t4t love where one of them was ready to come out and move on with their life while the other#is too scared to ever change and is stuck in an endless loop of being something they’re not#Owen has the personality of wet grass but that’s the entire point#being too scared to ever be anything more than what is expected and just rotting over years and year and just hating yourself all the while#I love the part where Owen can’t verbalize why exactly their romantic attraction feels wrong#it’s wrong because they’re trans and can’t incision a life as Owen but can’t say out loud that it’s being perceived as a male in#a relationship that is the problem#the jab the dad makes about pink opaque being a girl’s show and how the dad is the one to drag Owen away from freedom in the tv#he’s holding Owen back but they’re so fucking scared to live as Isabel and are just stuck in a cycle of self loathing#but there’s still time#the reason Maddy/Tara doesn’t come back is because there is still time#but Owen has to be the one to commit to being Isabel and no one else is going to drag them into the dirt#it’s their choice alone and their inaction is a choice all on its own#no matter how much time passes as long as Owen is alive then there is still time to change but their inaction is slowly killing them#the fact they find the truth in their own chest dude that’s such a trans thing#where the fuck is my insurance card I’m calling my doctor to start t when the offices open#THERES STILL TIME MAN#THERES STILL TIME
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thinkbing about. him
#random thoughts#fnaf#rotating him in my mind like an orb or perhapps a microwavable tv dinner#love the idea of a character who for some reason has him in their house and does regular maintenance on him#someone who worked for fazbear fright and fucking. stole him#au where the place wasn't burned down and actually opened and some kid started working there and fucking took his ass#springtrap in my head is like. mostly an animal. running on instinct and ancient programming. only rarely lucid#the kid who took him oh my god. what if someone who was the sibling of one of the five missing kids stole him#and like. they know he's the man behind the slaughter and can remember him from when he was alive#and they take him and keep him running as like a form of torture. because fazbear fright was gonna be shut down and the animatronic#was gonna be destroyed or smth and they were like 'no you son of a bitch not yet'#and they can sometimes see the ghosts of the children and employees who died and henry. but like they're not done#they cant let go. not yet.#cant let him go to the beyond because that would be too merciful for a son of a bitch like him#but springtrap cant really understand whats happening and mostly just sees Some Guy keeping him running so most of his feelings#are positive#when he's semi lucid he tries to kill them#when he recognizes them from before he kind of shuts down#the range is 'friend!!!' to 'i am going to fucking murder you' to 'how did you do in pe today'#like this guy mostly isn't william afton. idk who he is but he isn't him most of the time#i imagine the springtrap suit is a unique model so its hard to get replacement parts for him so most of him is custom at this point#idk what they do with the bones. probably leave them alone for the most part out of fear of him passing on if they got rid of them#he smells like dirt and mildew and restroom deoderizer probably#i imagine their thoughts on him are 'i recognize this mostly isnt the man who killed my sibling so i dont want him to suffer'#'but also i cant handle the idea of even a little of the man who killed my sibling being able to stop suffering'#like this is william's idea of hell. complete depersonalization#they make his stay tolerable. decent maintenance. idk what kind of enrichment he needs#being kept in a basement away from regular social interaction is probably hell for any children's animatronic#so he loves when they come down for maintenance. probably rarely at first and then more frequently as they adjust themself to his presence#idk how he feels about maintenance. probably very used to the feeling of having a dude inside of him lmaooo
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another day another "applying the concept 'disposability' to 'someone withdraws from a personal relationship, & that wasn't signed off on by the other'" kill me
#literal acknowledged interpersonal abuse Needing to be ''mediated'' (implicit premise of preserving that relationship >>>)#and if the victim doesn't participate they're treating their abusive partner / abusive relationship as ''disposable''#like in what meaningful way. getting away from an abuser is ''disposing'' of them like imprisonment / killing From A State?#dropping an abusive relationship is ''disposing'' of it? like uh yeah i sure hope it is#this is always Vaguely Applied to ''ppl don't want to HANDLE CONFLICTS or DO THE WORK'' & then connected to political actions#like well someone's just a bad person In The World / All Things if they stopped being my friend and i don't know why#like of course that Can Be good faith. it's a personal business#but if someone ghosts you and you truly don't know why Yeah maybe there's something going on but like okay let them go#if they want to do that for reasons you don't think are Compelling or they just aren't interested / putting in that Effort then like#what Friendship is really being lost here. but then tweet about it with no context & a zillion ppl like SO TRUE kys randos#[fart reverb Conflict Is Not Abuse] standard abuse apologetics which are easy & a zillion ppl go SO TRUE b/c It's Abuse Culture#someone HAS to Answer My Texts / Calls / In Person Confrontations As A Bold Clearsighted Political Actor are you kidding#someone really doesn't. even if you Really are like ''and i'm not even consciously malicious'' what a high bar#one gazillion abusive parents will tell you And My Estranged Child Won't Even Tell Me Why / Doesn't Have Any Good Reasons / Won't Talk....#what am i supposed to doooo i'm at a losssss And Really I'm The Victim#''i want to break up'' / ''okay i don't :) let's talk through Your Feelings :) [waffle around until insisting on Same Access To Person]''#someone can rescind interpersonal access to themself For Any / No Reason. on a dime no explanation necessary. for god's sake#and friendship is not actually some magically pure & Neutral relationship either. same things#anyway just unfollowed some rando for their thread spinning off a vague qrt ''ppl are so AFRAID OF CONFRONTATION they unfriend u''#going on & on abt how You Need To Put In The Work & Effort & You're Just Probably A Bad Person Otherwise & Disposability like#the disposability is my three points wastebasket toss. death via the state =/= someone won't talk to you. can we be at all serious#every day i reach out further like aplatonic people [some emblem gesture] lovelessness [same] help me#thinking of a Good Tweet i saw abt framing everything re: interactions with others around Consideration first & foremost#wildly enough the way you treat people doesn't need to have Fundamental Assumptions re: like ah Friendship / Community / Love / Family &ccc#how do you treat a stranger. how do you treat someone who you don't personally like &/or vice versa. how do you treat ppl you don't Meet.#it's all so vague it could mean Anything but a) often hints towards [abuse victims are framed as Bad Political Actors]#& b) then that's what people read into & respond to for sure lol#as ever ''oh everyone's just little bitches who can't handle any discomfort. yes; this was prompted by my being discomfited''#wait yeah lol i did not Confront this stranger to try to Posit this to them in twttr's character limit; just unfollowed. disposability smh
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me when i play the class that medics uber and i get. ubered
#yesterday i had the very important job of taking out a heavy+medic pair raiding our spawn and today i got sent to destroy an engie's nest#(by that i mean a teleporter. dispenser and lvl 3 sentry+the engie that built it and a pyro that was i guess just tagging along) (i'm sorry#to them but you don't say no to your medic)#with the first one it wasn't perfect but i DID kill them both and i also destroyed the nest so 💪💪💪#STILL. a fucking scary experience to suddenly see my screen light up and i have to stop fucking around#the medic today actually i guess took it upon themself to lead our team to victory (we did win yay) because they found me and told me via#voice commands that a sentry is ahead and to GOOO!!! GO THEM ZHEM!!!#AND it's also so funny honestly. i get so protective of our medics. we stumbled upon a demoknight in our sewers i mean me and the medic#that sent me to that nest and ofc you take out the medic first but i still go like NO!!! NO!!! LEAVE DOCTOR ALONE!!!!! SHOO!#it's not like that guy was harmless too. no. they took out the ubersaw and started hacking#also unrelated but one guy was like scout in our intel can anyone take care of that. and i usually hang out near spawn so i'm like lol sure#maybe i'll get him. i. exploded him point blank and the guy congratulated me :3 yaaayyy#<that was also probably like. the most organized. communicated match i've played so far and the dude was just generally nice from what#i read when i glanced at the chat. peace and love forever#JESUS. seriously sorry about the diary entires in the tags but i um. i just get excited at the beauty of gaming ok?
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very rough idea for the pantheon of nonsense dungeon is that the existence dragons final wish+thought was to LINGER in a way that would never go away. as many lies thule may tell and as much as they may try to mold reality in their own image they are still working with its own clay. itd lead to a thule that is a lot more haunted + high strung bc every single second they are painfully aware of their parents being imbued in every single bit of reality and of its corpse just Hanging there u know
#nonsense dungeon info#the idea of lingering for the existence dragon is almost entirely to justify far more present+put together ghosts in--#--the setting lol they dont really have that definition of 'self' just as the existence dragons works change over time but theyre still--#--very much There if that makes sense#taking the honey sweet idea of them putting horse blinders on their helmet to stop seeing the corpse everywhere they looked and stretching-#--it to the extreme where theyve completely entombed themself in their armor maybe. no sight no smell no hearing no taste no touch just--#--a massive metal juggernaut lurking blind in their own respite. completely cut off from reality theyll just make decrees and shit without-#--any Context beyond keeping up appearanceswithout even being able to enjoy any of the worship of being the supposed wellspring#also like the idea that this sort of set up (pre encasing) would lead to them treating fluisau as WAY more of a personal confidant like--#--straigh tup telling them about the existence dragon+their deceit and then eventually freaking out over the realization of just how much--#--power over them fluisaus got now so they banish them 2 the moon or smth. no stomach for killing but they CANNOT allow the truth to come--#--out because of how just getting to that point has hurt them. it wouldnt mean anything if they were exposed
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oh god. they grieved wilf's death together. i cant.
#tv: doctor who#{i. :( made my self sad}#{note: they just told you love interests was never a heal all solution for their psyche. fixing themselves to a 🤎 interest isnt healing}#{why didnt they fix themself to yaz rose sarah jane martha river: they were in the drs eyes friends but remember}#{they only consider them as friends. love interests are friends. donna isnt considered a friend. shes propped up to be his best friend}#{full stop. hell the companion reunion is set up as a group therapy in the show. shes in group therapy for the good and horrors of it all}#{yes this does mean that tentoo is separated from the doctor completely. hes just jackson lake.}#{he actually has a family: what about susan? from susan and down saw him more of a pedestal. it just stayed that way. donna didnt}#{they reiterated this over and over and over and over and OVER again. the dr doesnt need love from someone that sees them like that}#{they need love from someone that is actually willing to make him live day by day to heal to recooperate}#{after power of the doctor and then comics AND TV going back to back IM QUICK SUCCESSION OF NO REST? 14 is at full exhaustion}#{if rose told him to stop he wouldnt if martha clara sarah jane river yaz if any of them told him to stop they wouldnt listen}#{because he uses romantic love as an excuse to burn himself out AND HE DID LITERALLY 9 DOES THIS}#{it was never healthy. and then they kept going. and going and going}#{bill questioned but she couldnt stop him}#{she was the strongest cause of guilt because he retook the role of a professor role a role familiar to ace}#{only it got bill killed because he didnt slow down he didnt talk and decompress. ever. he used trenzalore as an excuse to never confide}#{in anyone and only telling stories so no would ask if HE was alright. yeah they lived but is he actually alright}#{no one talks. except. donna. 15 even states that they do rehab backwards AND THATS NOT HOW REHAB WORKS. YOU DONT GET TO SKIP TO HEALED}#{WITHOUT DOING THE ACTUAL PROCESS OF HEALING}#{he regenerate until he turn into a grain of sand but thats not healing. its just another way of avoid talking thru their grief}#{but they grieved! no they didnt. EVEN IN DW LOCKDOWN THEY DIDNT GRIEVE.}#{penelope garcia's clinical social worker said it best}#{all the things I've survived I have been absorbing trauma since I was really young and thinking I was some sort of hero for doing it.}#{newsflash she wasnt and for garcias 15 yrs vs the dr's billions on billions yrs worth of it: even when u do the right thing even when u}#{stop serial killers (or intergalactic threats) ur body is still absorbing that trauma.}#{they are not a hero for holding on to it because trauma has to be off-loaded. It has to be transformed or ur body will destroy u.}#{end quote.}#{like THATS WHAT DR HAS BEEN DOING THE WHOLE TIME AND 15 SAID: NO MORE! CONSIDER THIS 14S RETIREMENT.}#{i dont like the ending: well i do. 15 and rtd said grief n trauma therapy with donna or bust bitches}
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we. as a community. are severally lacking in anything about richard and asbel trying to kill each other.
EDIT: these tags have become less and less about asbel and richard killing each other. i am so sorry. do not ask me to speak about anything ever this is exactly what happens every time.
#.text#ohhh i could fix them. are you listening to me?#i genuinely did enjoy graces (<- hasnt actually finished it yet) and i love it DEARLY but i NEED to overhaul everything#could you imagine? asbel's entire character is about wanting to save people. he wants to save everyone he can#he wants to save sophie. he wants to save richard. but nothing really comes from that#what if he had to learn he cant save people alone? he told richard at the beginning that he couldnt shoulder everything.#thats what asbel is there for. to help richard shoulder his burdens. but asbel never had to learn the same.#he always saw it as his Own duty to save others - its HIS duty to save sophie. its HIS duty to save richard.#there are no consequences to this- he doesnt run himself into the ground#or end up hurting his friends. he doesnt run off alone and have them chase him. proving that they are there to help him#shoulder the same burdens he helps richard with. sophie doesnt get worse for this and neither does richard.#what if he had to learn that there were different ways to save people? he had used direct action constantly. every single time.#but what if he had to face the fact that thats not what everyone wants let alone needs? if he were to learn that some people#can be saved by saving themself. or that some people can be saved just by speaking to them rather than#having their problems fixed for them. what then? or if he were to meet someone who just. couldnt be saved.#i do think richard should live at the end -- i really do like that. BUT.#i think asbel should have had a chance to learn that maybe the only way to save richard was to kill him.#maybe this happens -- i dont know yet. i stopped right before the ending i believe. but i dont think it does.#he is the one to constantly. constantly. try to help others. and seek ways to help others. he doesnt know his place in the world#but when he can help someone find theirs. or help someone make sure they Stay here. he feels like he has one.#that his existence. him being saved. was not a mistake. and that he is meant to be here.#but i think i would have liked to see him learn that in some cases. some very tragic cases. there is salvation in death.#plus i think. it wouldve been nice to have someone tell asbel that sometimes people Cant get help. sometimes#the only way they can be saved is if they save themselves. because it means so Much. so many different things#it happens to sophie and richard and i feel like it should have happened to asbel too. its evident he does not care about#himself as much as he should. he has not forgiven himself for something that happened as a child. and he doesnt forgive himself for#things out of his control too. he carries the weight of the world on his shoulders -- except that weight is self imposed. and it is going#to kill him one of these days. it Should. there shoulf be consequences.#i dont knoww i just think the themes of the game kind of miss because of how little theyre actually implimented throughout the game#even though i enjoyed it SOOOO much genuinely. i really did.
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Brute: ah yes I have finally gotten Softie to communicate with Queen and Alpha which has already done wonders for basically repairing the former and beginning the repairs for the latter. Maybe I can finally be free from this hell of my own creation and live with my loved ones happily -]
The evil and nefarious Beats:
#rat rambles#eternal gales#oc posting#I love past timeline beats sm shes so. <3#bestie when the two people who she destroyed herself to be able to stand by suddenly go oh yeah we were being shitty sorry lol#particularly with softie it burns because she had to smother and kill so many of her morals by staying by their side#so it feels like the rug is being pulled under her and she freaks out hard#despite the fact that shed at some point desperately wanted them to do smth like this them actually doing it feels like a personal betrayal#and for brute this is a particularly gnarly problem to try to keep from escalating#mainly because with the others even though shit is messy and complicated it ultimately could be largely helped through communication#but its that exact communication that causes beats to spiral and its rly hard for them to try to do damage control without like forcefully#seperating them the whole time which is Not feasible#and beats is a Very angry and vengeful person once you get on her shit list which is typically hard to do but this does it#which makes it hard to use memory carryover sceneanigans to help because even if brute fully explained the situation and looped enough#times to stop beats from getting flower powered shed still be fully on team lets just kill softie then#taking beats and removing her morals is a great way to get a guy who thinks murder can solve any problem#also this stuff is not at all easy to just fuck around and find out with because before Any of this other shit can happen softie needs#their character development first which is already a doozy to try and brute force#theres a reason why brute eventually said fuck it and rewound things to back when they were all kids#its not easy to be a relationship counselor to a group of teenagers who are very prone to murdering eachother and youre also a teenager#bro brute was a wrestler before all this they are Not equipt to deal with any of this#and even If they managed to get through all of that theyd still have to deal with the horrible realization that two completely separate#members of the friend group have been consistently murdering eachother every loop this whole time and now they have to deal with that#that never happens in canon ofc cause brute never got that far but I think if they did they'd just walk up to the time flower themself
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still looking through old art and im writhing with disgust at the fact that i tried to make taos nose smaller to make him look more like my abuser for them 🤢🤢🤢
#that should've been what made me realize something was off#i mean i shoulda realized way before. none of the ocs i imprinted on them actually look like them... like at all....#but by god my ability to deny my intuition for the sake of making things work with someone whos guilting me to be with them was#great back then#vent#i did it out of pity. and trying so hard to deny the fact that i knew it was never gonna work out no matter how much i pretended#for them that they were still what I wanted. bc if i didn't then they would cry and want to kill themselves n shit.#they wanted to be more like their own ocs- which they should. it makes more sense that way. but im a *hoping for the stars* kinda guy#so i was hoping it was sort of a soulmate thing and that they were actually like my ocs and not pretending just to be with me#so when they wanted to be their own ocs and try to essentially morph my ocs into theirs then that kinda means the stars did not#align for us the way i thought. thats kinda necessarily what it implies. and i was like damn that really sucks but ig ill keep trying#even though at this point i had many reasons to leave and stop trying but they kept gaslighting me and guilting me and promising me shit-#whatever. and then they showed me the darkest sides of their ocs that i thought wasn't a feature of their being but apparently it is#so all that shit about jack being a rapist and perry being a rapist was apparently just them expressing parts of themself.#i mean fuck- they literally tried to spin perry around to being a 'nice' character... yeah i dont buy that for a second lmao#not now at least. i may have at the time encouraged you to try to see your ocs through a different lense than the one you made them w/#but that only works when you aren't actually like the thing you're trying to move away from in your personality.
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yooooooooo 5am ptsd flashback gacha pulls just dropped wooooooo yeah lets go gamers!!!!!
#tag traumadump cause my loved ones are all asleep#and I had to cancel therapy this week cause I have covid and my therapist wont be here for what was meant to be my appointment next week so#country boys make do or whatever#and yk what it's exhausting to only ever tell my closest loved ones what my daily symptom shit looks like#if even them#so!#tonight I can't stop thinking about having been a youth service worker. I'm feeling in my body what it felt like to have to restrain someone#to stop them from killing themself#the feeling of using my body as a shield for a kid who used racial slurs as he hospitalized me#against another kid#against oncoming cars#or my hand between his head and the wall#better to break my fingers than to allow the brain damage that could happen in just an instant#I'm also remembering staying with my aunt in high school#and thinking about how when I was kicked out of my house to hers#she would throw parties in the living room where I was given the couch to sleep#I woke up at like 5am for school cause the bussing was stupid long#and she'd do it til past midnight#the only quieter place I could go was the kitchen and the kitchen had little floorspace that wasn't allocated to her dogs cage#so I slept in front of that cage with her dog on the floor. didn't even give me a blanket lol#that dog slept more comfortably than I did those nights running from my dad :')#now I'm a dog too and the thought of sleeping in a cage is comforting#not because or in spite of thst memory... like it wasn't a conscious factor and I've always kinda Been A Dog anyways#but it's funny to think back on.#I've lived with a lot of people who liked their dogs a lot better than me#of course they were gonna be my role models when they were the dependents in my family that got treated the most lovingly lol#anyway my Place to them was made clear and it only took a little over a decade to realize how much I Understood The Assignment lol#woof woof.
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this image haunted my brain when i was trying to fall asleep last night so i had to make it
#serena.txt#im gonna go insane. sorry that this is what im currently thinking about but also im not sorry bcuz this is my blog#and i could not give a shit anymore about what ppl think about what i post about LOL#anyways everyone is always calling characters doomed by the narrative BITCH! YOU DONT EVEN KNOW#if we arent told exactly what their tragic fate is gonna be from the very start and it doesnt hang over the entire story like#a dark cloud of misery where both you as the audience AND the character themself are painfully aware of whats eventually going to happen to#them. and the fact that theres nothing they can do to escape it. then they are not truly doomed by the narrative#if the mere fact of the story's existence doesnt require them to suffer than they are not truly doomed by the narrative#you guys cant even fathom the level to which these two are doomed. BITCH BURR SAYS HE KILLS HAMILTON IN THE FIRST FUCKING SONG!!!!!#WE KNOW HOW THEIR STORIES ARE GOING TO END FROM THE VERY BEGINNING THERE IS NOTHING ANYONE CAN DO TO STOP IT#THIS STORY CANT HAPPEN WITHOUT THIS DUEL FUCKING HAPPENING#dont even get me started on hamilton's whole ''i imagine death so much it feels more like a memory'' shit. im gonna lose my mind#would you guys kill me if i said they're doomed yuri#<- you dont get to know if this is a joke or not
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Kind of continuation to this comic.
The first thing he opens his eyes to—
———
“Narinder?”
Too loud. Too bright. Too much. Even through closed eyelids and flattened ears. His head pounded behind his eyes. A rhythmic thumping so loud in his ears. A noise he was so unused to. A mortal sound.
Pain was a blinding experience when one was no longer numb to it. The One Who Waits could only huddle in one spot and cling to his own shoulders with claws he couldn’t not yet control enough to retract. He knew where he sat, but he was not going to allow the recognition to settle.
Hurt lanced across his chest, his wrists. He wanted it to stop. This was not how things were supposed to go. He’d planned for so long. How could this have happened?
Narinder chose wrong. He chose wrong. He chose the wrong vessel. His vessel who built him up, built a Temple in his name, raised devotion! His vessel who then tore him down and reduced him to this quivering mess of a new mortal.
How he wished they’d chosen to kill him instead. To have ended his millennia of suffering, not extend it further.
He chose wrong.
The physical hurt now ran in tandem with the emotional. How could they do this to him? When he saw them choose… he thought that maybe things would go right. He would be free and his vessel tucked safely in their own little heaven… but he saw them return the Red Crown to their own head. That damned Lamb!
The one he gave life to! The one he saved!
Betrayed by one he trusted so—
Now he was here. Now he was mortal. How foolish of him.
“…Narinder?” Faust’s voice was gentle, no doubt a front put on for the followers (they should be HIS) that he could hear hanging about in curiosity. (Insects to be squashed! How dare they look upon his visage and see him in this form!)
Narinder knew that if he were to open his eyes, he’d see nothing but hatred in theirs. After all, he ordered his vessel to sacrifice themself. And after all, this was not something his vessel was willing to do. Would such an ask not generate hatred in one unwilling?
Either way, the refusal… the betrayal… has generated hatred within Narinder and when he returned to strength… he would make them pay.
There was no point in putting things off.
Narinder cracked open an eye, blinking rapidly against the blinding light, prepared to see the Lamb standing before him with a weapon in hand. (They’d be foolish not to, what if he chose to attack?)
Instead, the Lamb kneeled before him (why kneel now and not then?), a bowl of water in hand and fake concern across their face. They were still covered in spots of their blood and Narinder’s ichor from their battle, fleece torn in places and wool sticking up in different directions. Yet, they were the victor and looked it. Narinder had no doubt that he looked worse.
He felt worse.
Light from the setting sun lit against Faust, brightening them in almost a halo. It would be beautiful sight… if not for the knowledge he had.
“Betrayer.” Narinder rasped. It came out wrong. He wanted it to be a hiss. A snarl. But it was a wheeze of air at best. His throat hated it. He hated it.
Faust had the gall to shake their head. They opened their mouth to speak, but Narinder beat them to it.
“Betrayer. I never should have chose you. A lamb that defiled my name. My Temple for their own!” He slowly devolved into a rant. A proper tantrum for the ages. Spitting insults that brought gasps of shock from those around them, a few being hands to weapons (garden tools at best), and yet Faust did not react.
If he had taken a moment, he would have noticed their eyes darken to sadness and a frown overtaking their features. He would have noticed the hurt. The Crown trying to get his attention that he had chosen the wrong subject for his ire. But he was understandably focused on his own.
“I wish not to see you! I wish not to be here! Kill me, Usurper! End the suffering you drag out further!” Narinder’s voice had torn by the end, quieted by the force he attempted to put behind it and sounding as if he’d been exposed to the smoke of fires for hours.
He’d begged at the end. Begged to be killed and put out of his misery. And again the Lamb ignored this.
When Narinder was done, panting harshly and lying against the ground as his body turned tired, Faust stood from their kneel and turned to a she-rabbit. They placed the bowl of water in her hands.
“Take him to a tent. I feel he would be calmer if I were not in his line of sight. Have someone come to me if he attempts to attack anyone. Make sure he drinks. Make sure he eats. Force him to if you have to, but be careful. He has not eaten in a long while.”
The she-rabbit bowed her head as Faust turned without a second look to Narinder and strode towards the Temple. His temple no longer.
Narinder could only squirm and attempt at clawing, glaring at Faust’s back as he was dragged away with the help of two other followers. Kicking and screeching, he vowed to himself that the Lamb would pay for this.
They all would pay.
— —
Quick Oneshot that may not stay canonical, or it may stay as a companion piece. The image will stay canonical as the first thing Narinder sees upon his indoctrination. For now, it’s a prompt for myself.
I plan to do the main fic series from Faust’s POV, but I wanted to play around with some of Narinder’s thoughts. I don’t know if it worked though, I have a hard time thinking how someone might react in hatred so I hope I got it close enough.
Hope you like it!
#cotl angst#cotl#cotl comic#cotl fanart#narilamb#cotl faust#cotl ficlet#cotl oneshot#narinder#the lamb#TW: blood
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thirty tags generally never being enough: LOS-307 also having a perfectly neurodivergent time manifesting as their having a distressing/harmful experience that goes ignored (as does their talking about it, from [forewarning] to [increasingly urgently remarking on it]) b/c no one else shares it, and their efforts to help themself out by requesting a break from a task that's overtaxing them or trying to cool the room to cool themself are thwarted b/c [not continuing to overheat for their own current wellbeing And to avoid its exacerbation and an outright crisis] is dismissed for [i do want to keep playing this game to win it though] and [i would be uncomfortable if cold]. also that when it's way too late it's like oh ok Now um well just cool down it's fine lol. just like irl. iconique autistique
#LOS-307#i mean this like [the internal experience Can't really exist or be a Problem: not in any way that a) means anyone would take action to#help with that and/or b) means the affected person would be allowed to take action to help themself with that] is more broadly nd#of course nt people have parallel experiences but Do have the sense of being justified in expected their reaction to be Taken Seriously#& this can be tied in to Other [there's a power dynamic] experiences like environments / situations being structured around the norm for#one group while others are having to make all these additional efforts &/or endure a worse time while experiencing this#and the people they could complain to would be like ''well I'm not [experiencing that] & everyone's Been acting fine sooo''#but cue any sensory factor that is understood to be a ''normal'' & thus ''''universal'''' bother....#then anyone can immediately drop everything & move heaven & earth about it. like well of course?#fidget cubes as nd sensory/stim aids then interpreted Mainstreamly as a frivolous fad b/c what else could this experience be#gotta ban them from classrooms b/c adhd students stimming or doodling or just being unable to focus Always is like#well that's way deprioritized versus the concept of Normal Kids theoretically being distracted by a Toy#or that yeah say someone's needing to fidget or stim & that Is distracting someone else?#well guess who's always the one who has to stop. that there's not eve an Idea of conflicting needs/experiences when They're the one thrown#or yknow distracted by [w/e condition] or bothered or distressed or impeded from being able to do [xyz] or etc etc#and like i said all the [LOS-307 being chatty & friendly & enthused & reaching out & this isn't interacted w/at all for the longest time &#they have to go ''ok well i'm biting & killing you now?'' before it's recognized] like yeah a day in the life. I'D chat w/you bestie#and even that the fact they don't Already have friends meaning They're not getting key help/backup as they try to bite & kill you....#unfair tbh. connected devices aren't their friends#oh one Pure Visual Element....they had a vending machine price display go [hello lunella] as she walked by. & didn't notice that either!!#how cute of them & =( hello LOS....#giving them the ''well another autistic hero'' award. their experiences resonate! they deserve it!#they're melting down; they wanna be more chill; they're minimizing their own experience / telling themself what they Should do....#screenshot as they display an infinity symbol while saying they're only 8 months old but time is a human construct....
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50 Smutty Fics Ideas
Made this for an event I haven't run in the end, but it'd be a pity to keep them hidden. I hope they'll help your creativity flow!
A and B are hiding together in a tight place, their bodies pressed close. With adrenaline running in their veins, the situation eventually gets out of control.
A and B are dancing what eventually leads to a slow, intimate dance. A gets aroused from B pressing close to them.
A has an obvious crush on B and plans to finally confess. A chickens out and tries to opt out of the situation, but B presses them to speak in a spicy way.
A is tied to an altar as a sacrifice to demon!B. More than taking their life, B is interested in taking their body.
During a visit in a sex shop A spots a weird toy. B suggests purchase as a joke. Little do they know A seriously wants to use it.
A and B are friends with benefits. A's feelings turn out to be genuine, but they don't want to ruin the balance, so they keep it to themself…until they accidentally slip a confession during sex.
A is really into a specific body type/body part and B's body looks as if taken straight out of A's fantasy. A can't hold it anymore and reveals how much B turns them on.
A and B are on a motorcycle trip. The constant movement, vibration and touching is getting them excited.
A walks on B changing. It's the first time they see them naked, and they can't peel their eyes off them.
A survives a near miss. B, worried and scared to death, doesn't want to leave their side since then.
A and B need to share bed due to circumstances. They wake up in each other's arms and it awakens something in them.
A goes down on B. B wears nothing but stockings. At some point A starts tearing them out of the way with their teeth.
A loves B's scent but they keep it secret. One day B catches A masturbating while sniffing a piece of their clothing.
The way A moans "I love you" turns B absolutely feral.
A tries to get B jealous as a part of their flirting game. B snaps way harder then A predicted.
A and B are in a dom-sub relationship. A breaks a rule and B has to again teach them how to be a good sub.
A is less experienced in kink than B. B introduces them to the world of kink with their favorite one.
A gets extra loud during sex so B has to cover their lips. Limited oxygen/fingers in mouth insanely turn A on.
A and B meet for what's not supposed to be a romantic date - but they feel so good around each other, it's suddenly 2am, and they don't really want to part. A proposes B to move the meeting to their place.
A is arguing with B. They truly can't decide whether they want to kill or fuck B more.
That was supposed to be just a make out session, but A kisses so good that B gets impossibly aroused.
A and B are about to face a dangerous situation. They want to enjoy life before it might be too late.
A celebrates a great success with B. Drinks and festive atmosphere quickly turn the matters spicy.
It's A's birthday and they find B tied to bed in nothing but very revealing lingerie.
After a soul-draining break up, A wants to get rid of remaining grief & enter a new path of life with a bang: they contact B, a professional dom.
A and B realize they are being watched during sex. They don't intend to stop.
A is in a middle of meeting when they receive a message B. It's a very explicit nude.
A puts a blade by B's throat, be it seriously or as a joke/teasing. B's reaction is…enthusiastic.
A's hands seriously distract B. Their reactions eventually clue A in: and they decide to use the new knowledge to their favor.
A and B get trapped in one small space and need to wait for emergency. If only there was a way to kill the boredom…
A uses a sexual favor to convince B to do something.
A suffers from pent-up stress and frustration. B offers their body for them to use to get rid of negative emotions.
During soft, vanilla sex A asks B to try something different/rougher.
A shoves B against the wall. Now, once they are so close, A can't stop looking at B's face/lips/body part of choice.
A has lips/tongue/nipples/genitals pierced. B is really curious how does it feel during sex.
A rolls sleeves up/takes shirt off, revealing body hair to B. B has no idea how to act normal around A anymore.
A is usually reserved when it comes to intimacy and emotions. When in public, B does something that breaks A. A pulls B close and whispers to them: "I need you. Now."
A is preparing themself to roll with their day. B walks on them wearing nothing but their shirt.
A tends to neglect their needs. B uses kink as a way of taking care of them.
It's unbearably hot and A switches to wearing short and fine dresses. B finds out they are wearing no underwear underneath.
A has a really big dick/strap, B struggles to take it. A taunts and teases them about it.
Good cock & bad cock routine with dom!A, dom!B and sub!C. A praises C while B degrades and taunts them.
A and B are in a dedicated but open relationship. C grabs their mutual interest.
A loses a bet and now has to do what B tells them.
A, B, C (and maybe more 🤭) running a train on D.
A has a dark/unusual sexual fantasy & they bring it up to their partner, B. B agrees to try it out.
After a longer break A is so needy for sex that they can't enough of B. B is a trembling, ruined mess, but A just keeps going.
A is filthy rich & B is their sugar baby. A pays B a ridiculous amount of money to try a kinky scenario out.
A is a virgin but also very curious about a certain kink. B does their best to let them try it in a safe and satisfying way.
Wedding night between A and B takes an extra spicy turn.
Please, reblog and/or credit, when you use (but don't @ me!). The divider made by @/saradika.
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