#to some of the more negotiable skeletons

[gorbo-longstocking]

sometimes i think about what would happen if the protags of home is where the heart is and nemesis & nike swapped.

[why-animals-do-the-thing]

The Woodland Park Zoo is my home zoo, and the possibility of a strike has been brewing for a while. The staff at the zoo have been working without a union contract for over 200 days because the zoo is unwilling to pay them a living wage.

Zookeepers around the country are consistently underpaid, and Seattle is an incredibly expensive place to live. The zoo is losing animal care staff rapidly - I've been told they'd lost five keepers and a vet tech to another nearby AZA zoo this year alone - because they can't afford to live here. And I've been told that because there's no contract, the zoo is on a hiring freeze, which means they're perpetually understaffed.

Photo credit: Yulia Issa

There was an informational picket outside of a big event last month, which got a ton of community support. Then the only content the zoo put out for National Zookeepers Week was a single post about how much gratitude the staff are owed, which... hmmmm, came off a little tone-deaf in the current moment.

Now it looks like staff might end up striking to make their point, after almost a year of negotiations.

"Workers at Woodland Park Zoo, who are members of the Joint Crafts Council (JCC) Coalition of Unions, have been making plans to protect the animals if they go on strike. If the group of 200 workers is unable to reach an agreement with their employer over a new contract, they say they will run a skeleton crew that would provide necessary care to the animals but require the Zoo to close its doors to the general public. “We are making contingency plans to ensure the continued well-being of the animals if we are forced to strike,” said Janel Kempf, a learning coordinator who has been with the Zoo for 25 years and is a Shop Steward with Teamsters 117. “A strike is an absolute last resort and one that none of us takes lightly, but the Zoo keeps pushing us in that direction. If the Zoo doesn’t change course soon, we will have no other choice than to withhold our labor.” Negotiations between the Coalition of Unions and the Zoo have been ongoing for the last ten months with workers growing increasingly frustrated at what they say is the Zoo’s failure to value and retain an experienced workforce. “We are hemorrhaging critical animal care experience which directly affects the standard of care we can provide for our animals,” said Allison Cloud, an animal keeper and member of Teamsters 117. “The Zoo is forcing us to choose between our livelihoods and our animals, a heartbreaking decision no zookeeper ever wants to make.” Workers say low wages, the skyrocketing cost of healthcare, low morale, and high turnover have put the Zoo’s AZA accreditation at risk. Loss of accreditation could cripple the Zoo’s resources and lead to the transfer of animals to other accredited facilities. "Woodland Park Zoo cannot maintain AZA accreditation without us,” said Joe Gallenbach, an Exhibit Technician with IATSE Local 15. “The loss of AZA accreditation would demonstrate catastrophic mismanagement on the part of the Woodland Park Zoological Society.” The Coalition of Unions and the Zoo have one more bargaining session on the calendar: Friday, August 9. If the Zoo does not make an acceptable proposal next Friday, workers say they will take their case for fair wages and benefits to the public through direct, concerted action."

Now, when you bring the risk of AZA accreditation loss into the conversation, things get interesting. I've written before about how some zoos are legally or contractually obligated to maintain AZA accreditation and couldn't choose to leave. Woodland Park Zoo is one of those facilities: the agreement with the city that allows the Woodland Park Zoological Society requires them to be AZA accredited. If they lose it, they default on the agreement.

So, would there actually be a chance the facility could lose accreditation if the staff struck? I couldn't find any recent information about staff at other AZA zoos striking and how it related to their accreditation cycle, but I did find this, in an AZA press release about how the Aquarium of the Bay lost accreditation a few months ago.

"Silver Spring, Md. (May 24, 2024) –  The Association of Zoos and Aquariums (AZA) Accreditation Commission unanimously voted to rescind the accreditation of the Aquarium of the Bay.  The independent Commission notified the institution on May 13, 2024, following its conclusion that the aquarium was not meeting accreditation standards in a number of key areas, including financial stability, staffing capabilities, and employee morale and turnover. Aquarium of the Bay has until June 13 to appeal the Commission’s decision."

So it looks like staffing issues and employee morale can definitely be things taken into consideration. Let's look at the AZA standards for more info. I found a couple standards that appear to be relevant:

7.3 "There must be an adequate number of trained paid and unpaid staff to care for the animals and to manage the institution’s diverse programs." Justification: "Although there is no set formula for prescribing the size of the staff (paid and unpaid), some of the criteria that may be used to define what is considered “adequate” include the number and type of species within the institution, the general condition of the animals and exhibits, and past staffing practices."

7.4 "Compensation for paid staff should be competitive with other similar positions in the local/regional/national market, as appropriate." Justification: "Institutions must be able to recruit and retain qualified paid staff. Competitive compensation is a key component in recruitment and retention of paid staff. Some positions can be successfully recruited for locally, while others are competitive on a more regional or national basis (e.g., animal care specialists)."

Both of those look like they could quite reasonably be an issue for WPZ at this point. They're losing paid staff due to low wages and operating understaffed due to the hiring freeze. Staff obviously aren't getting appropriate compensation if they're looking for jobs at nearby facilities that pay better.

Now, would the zoo actually lose accreditation if a strike came to pass? Honestly, I doubt it, because WPZ is too big a feather in AZA's cap for them to penalize them that harshly. Columbus - an equally prominent institution - got kicked because of a major public animal use scandal, but it was pretty clearly political because of how quickly they were re-accredited. I'd expect AZA might give WPZ a slap on the wrist, some stern public comment, maybe some minor penalties, but I'd be very surprised if they were willing to kick WPZ to the curb over something "just" as minor as a staffing problem.

Regardless, zoo staff deserve to be paid a living wage. I'll be really sad if the zoo is closed to a strike once the snow leopard cubs get old enough to debut - but I'd still rather the staff be paid a living wage than be able to see the fluffballs immediately. I want the people working at the zoos I visit to not be living in poverty. Zoo staff pub in an incredible amount of effort to care for animal collections and to facilitate the guest experience, and they should be able to do that without multiple roommates or three jobs. I know that the practical reality is that not all facilities can afford to pay their staff as highly as is ideal, but I'd expect a big zoo with reliable city funding to be able to do better. Supporting the zookeepers (and other zoo staff) is supporting the zoo.

I'll be keeping an eye on this going forward, both from a personal perspective (I'm a member, and I have a vested interest in what the organization I give money to does) and a professional interest in industry politics (what does AZA choose to do). I'll update if there's anything interesting on either end.

[sanguineterrain]

Hi again 😊 You suggested i could send another prompt, sooo… maybe you & Jason have been together awhile, and you’re kidnapped by (choose your villain) and Jason is worried and frantic but trying to not show it of course, and negotiating for your safety? Ends up rescuing you of course, in whichever way you prefer, and then they find comfort in each-other 💗

I haven’t had time or energy to work on my WIP lately so this is very lovely and gratifying 😂👌🏻💗

aghh that's the worst! wishing you luck on your wip!! i'm glad you like these <3 requests are open for jason, dick, and MAWS!clark kent btw!

this one is very batfam focused hehehe. ft dramatic ass jason and his surprise kidnapped fiancé lol.

jason todd x gn!reader. tw: violence, kidnapped reader, reader is pushed off a building for a moment but they're okay dw <3, batfam feels, jason being a protective bf, bruce being a GOOD DAD! c:

****

"Actually, if we're being honest, if anyone has the most trauma in this family, it's—"

Batman grunts. "Really, Spoiler, not now."

The comm line crackles as Stephanie sniffs. "Fine. Stay in denial."

"Bats."

Every bat and bird in Gotham goes still.

"Hood?" Barbara asks carefully, already tracking his comm link.

"Oracle," he says, clipped. "I'm gonna get right to it: I need a favor. Can you help? Yes or no."

"Little Wing, where have you been?" Dick asks. "We've all—"

"Shut up, Nightwing," Jason growls. "Either you help me or not. Which is it?"

"We'll help you, Hood," Bruce says, voice washing over Jason like a balm.

Jason takes a deep breath. It's okay. He'll find you. Batman always beats the bad guys.

He fiddles with his jacket zipper. Moments tick by. Dick remains crouched on a rooftop. Damian is similarly poised.

"My..." Jason swallows. "My... fiancé's been taken."

The comm explodes with noise. Jason winces and digs the bud out of his ear for several seconds.

"Fiancé?!"

"You're getting married—"

"When was this—"

"Who are—"

"Enough," Jason growls, finally shoving the bud back into his ear. "I don't have fucking time for this. Yes, I am engaged, and they've been taken. No more questions."

"Tt. You are engaged? Impossible. Batman, clearly someone has hacked the line pretending to be Hood," Damian says, folding his arms.

Jason rolls his eyes. "Believe it or not, demon bird, I found someone crazy enough to marry me."

"Little Wing, I—I'm really proud of—"

"Shut up!" Jason pinches the bridge of his nose. This was a bad idea. You're in trouble, and Jason intends to tear Gotham apart to find you, but involving his family? Has he really stooped so low...

Deep breath. His focus is you. You're the only person that matters.

"Look, I'm telling you because Oracle's tracking me anyway, and B would snoop until he figured out who I'm really looking for, so it's easier to just tell you. But make no mistake: you aren't my family, and you won't see us again after tonight."

Bruce's throat tightens. His cape flutters in the wind.

"Very well," he says after a couple beats. "Last known location?"

"I'm sending you the address now. I've retraced my steps a hundred times though, and I can't—" Jason grits his teeth. He can't tear up or break things, not again. "Fuck. I can't fucking find them, B. I... I don't know if-if maybe I'm too late—"

"You're not," Dick says automatically. "We'll find them, Little Wing. We'll bring them home."

****

Your head is on fire.

It feels like there's a thousand needles pelting your skull. Whatever you were drugged with, it's hard stuff, and it hasn't worn away yet.

You look up; you're gagged and tied to some kind of support beam. As your vision clears, you see that you're in one of the new high rise-in-progress. Only the skeleton of the building has been completed because if Bruce Wayne isn't involved, construction takes forever to complete.

Faintly, you recall Jason mentioning something about a construction company leaving half finished projects across the country and using them as havens for criminal activities.

Yeah. This is not good.

"Where the fuck is he?" The voice echoes across the concrete floor foundation.

"Mike, we sent—"

"I don't give a fuck what you did; obviously, you screwed up! He's not coming!"

You close your eyes, trying not to throw up on your gag. Your head spins when you open your eyes again.

Who's not coming? Your rescuer? Or somebody worse than your kidnappers?

You try to take a deep breath, but your chest tightens instead.

"Fine," Mike barks in the adjacent room. "If that hooded psychopath doesn't show up, we'll just dump this one. That'll send a message. Prepare the explosives."

A door swings open, and you flinch. You cower, shrinking from the figure.

"You better hope he shows," the guy growls, and cocks his gun. "Your boyfriend is the only reason you're still alive. It'll be such fun to watch him fall to his death, don't you think?"

You try not to show your swelling panic. How does he know about you and Jason? And you have to warn him. Explosives. Jason's walking straight into a trap, without backup, because you know he'll be alone. He always works alone.

Mike sneers and waves the gun around.

"Oh, yeah. I know your secrets. In bed with Gotham's biggest crime lord. You must be his favorite. I can see why."

"Mike!" someone shouts. "We got company!"

Mike's eyes blaze cruelly. "Showtime. You're coming with me."

You thrash as hard as you can because if there's one thing Jason taught you, it's to always fight back.

Mike backhands you hard enough to send you sprawling. Your hands are bound, so you can't catch yourself, and you hit your head on the concrete. Blood pools in your gums.

"Try that shit again, bitch," he snarls, and hefts you up.

He drags you up a flight of stairs. Your head throbs, and now your jaw aches. You're too dizzy to try to fight back again.

You end up on the roof, which is a miasma of beams and wooden lattices. Wind cuts through your face, and you close your eyes so they don't water.

"Hood!" Mike crows. "Wonderful of you to join us!"

"Wish I could say the same," Jason says, and your heart leaps at the sound of his voice.

You start to shout through your gag because you have to warn him. It's a trap, he'll kill you both—

Mike wraps his arm around your throat and squeezes. Air stops, and you choke on your cries.

"I'll kill you," Jason snarls, and you know he wants to say more, but he's trying to protect you. "Let them go and maybe I won't break every bone in your body."

"Oh, don't worry. You two will be reunited soon. What is it they say? Love blinds you?"

"Michael Cassidy," a new voice says, deep and deadly. "Let go of the hostage. We can talk this out."

You crack open your eyes. Is that... Batman? And Robin? And... Nightwing? What—

The arm around your throat tightens and you gasp for air as you start to choke for real. Oh God. Batman's going to die because of you.

"You involved Batman?" Mike snarls, now truly irate. You feel yourself being dragged backward, toward the edge. Your stomach rolls in warning.

"Take it easy," Batman says, palms up. "We can work this out."

"You can't play fair?" Mike shouts. "Then neither will I!"

The wood beneath your feet is gone. You're falling.

"No!"

But no sooner than you fall are you caught. Warm arms encircle your waist, and you're jerked to a stop before you can fall more than a few feet.

"I got you, baby, I got you."

Jason is connected to a grapple. At the roof edge is Batman, Nightwing, and Spoiler, all holding the grapple.

You shake your head, screaming against your gag. Bomb. Bomb!

"'S alright, 's alright, sweetheart, I won't drop you."

You scream urgently through your gag, butting your head against his helmet. Jason pulls your gag half free and you choke out the warning.

"B-bomb!"

His grip tightens. "Shit. B, get out of here! Place is rigged to blow!"

The first explosion goes off. Jason meets your gaze. He's terrified, you can tell, but he tries to mask it.

"Let go," he says.

"Wh—"

"He'll catch you," Jason promises. "I trust him."

And then he lets go.

Several more explosions go off. The building begins to crumble. Dust and heat sweep across your face and lodge in your already sore throat. You scream, in the air for a few more seconds.

Then you crash into gray body armor. A cowl, a cape.

"It's alright," Batman gruffly says. "Hold on tight."

Batman swings you both to safety on an adjacent rooftop. You watch him dive back into the flames. It isn't long before Jason swings out of the smoke, then the others. He pulls off his helmet and tosses it to the side, arms open.

You run and bury your face in Jason's neck, clinging to him. He hugs your tightly and rubs your back, saying over and over, I got you.

You sigh and slacken out of exhaustion.

"I've got you, baby," he says, though his voice is wet this time. "You're safe."

Jason checks over your wounds. You see the rage cross his face several times at every bruise and cut on you. He doesn't let go of you even after he's done. He's shaking too, perhaps more than you, as he cuts your binds and completely removes your gag.

The Bats land gracefully behind you. Jason stiffens as they do.

You kiss his jaw. His gaze returns to you.

"You saved me," you say.

"I always will," he says. "Always."

"Are either of you injured?"

Batman suddenly swishes to your side. You blink, startled.

"Nothing serious," you say. Jason grunts unhappily at that. You manage a smile. "Thank you. All of you. Thank you so much."

Jason nods stiffly. "Thanks, Bats."

Nightwing smiles, face soft with affection. "'Course, Hood. And, uh, Hood's fiancé. We're there any time you need us."

"That's right, chum," Batman says. The obvious care in his voice makes you ache.

Jason had called his family. His family with whom he has a plethora of problems. He'd called them for you.

"Jay," you say, voice thick with emotion. He seems to understand instantly.

"I'll always bring you home," he vows, cupping your face. "Whatever it takes."

He pulls you to him like he can't bear to be away from you any longer.

You squeeze his wrists. "I know. It's okay, Jay. I'm okay."

Out of the corner of your eye, you see that the Bats still have not dispersed. Spoiler looks like she's about to melt into a puddle. Nightwing is the same. Even Batman looks a little sentimental.

Robin is the only one scowling, tapping his foot impatiently.

"Hood, are you not going to introduce your fiance-we-just-learned-existed-tonight?" Robin asks, arms folded.

Jason huffs. "Not with those manners, demon brat."

You roll your eyes and extend your hand to Batman. You say your name, smiling.

"It's an honor to meet you, sir," you say.

Batman laughs, and it sounds a little fond. It's also kind of weird to hear Batman laugh. "No sir necessary. It's equally an honor to meet the person my son is marrying."

Jason makes a choked little noise. You beam.

"Well," Batman murmurs. "We'll let you two get home. We'll track down the rest of Michael's thugs—"

"Come to the wedding," Jason blurts.

Batman stills. "Me?" he asks carefully.

"Everybody," Jason says, tugging you into his side. "Uncle Clark, Aunt Diana, Selina, your ten thousand kids, everyone."

He turns to you. "I-I mean, as long as that's okay with you, baby."

"Oh, Jay. It's your family. Of course I want them to come." You lean in to whisper in his ear. "I'm proud of you."

"Little Wing, c'mere!"

Nightwing tackles Jason in a hug, then drags Robin, who protests loudly, in by his cape. Spoiler snaps a picture from the sideline.

"Now that's adorable," she says.

Batman looks at you. He removes his cowl, and you gasp quietly. He smiles, and it makes him look decades younger. You guess he hasn't smiled much since he lost Jason.

"Thank you," he says.

You tilt your head. "For what?"

"For bringing him back to us."

You duck your head. "Oh, Mr. Wayne, that wasn't me—"

"Bruce," he corrects gently. "And it was. You played a bigger part than you know. You saved him. Thank you."

[haveyouseenthisskeleton]

Because Edge has such a great personality, I would love to know his opinion on the other skeletons. Are they worthy of his attention or not?

Let's have a tour of what Edge thinks of all his fellow skeletons.

Undertale Sans - Clearly a pale copy of his brother, but without anything to look scary. What is even the point of his existence? He would be long dead in his world. He swears the guy is hiding something though. He always feels uncomfortable when he's staring at him for too long.

Undertale Papyrus - He thought he was a pale copy of himself until his Undyne challenged him to fight with Lesser Papyrus and Edge got his butt kicked so hard he ended in shock. WTF. He has no LV and he swears he was still holding back to not hurt him. How strong is that guy??? Edge doesn't like him.

Underswap Sans - Unsufferable little shit that thinks is more clever than everyone because he's super fast. How the hell is he a royal guard? One of these days, he will show him he's not that clever when fighting a real royal guard. And he's not saying that because that little shit arrested him one day for driving too fast without a license. Not at all.

Underswap Papyrus - A decent one. Edge loves to hang out with him, especially in front of Blue to make him mad. Honey is a good cook, and he's not impressed by his edgy face. He doesn't consider him a friend; he has no friends. But if he had friends, they would be Honey-shaped.

Underfell Sans - What? You expect him to say he loves his brother or something? Get out of here, that's none of your business!

Horrortale Sans - He can respect that guy. When Edge bullied him, he for sure never expected to almost be beheaded by the largest axe he had ever seen. He stays out of his path now. That guy knows how to fight, even though he's not showing it.

Horrortale Papyrus - Fuck that guy. He came to find him after he bullied his brother and lectured him for two hours like a child. Does he look like a child? Anyway, when Edge tried to escape, he grabbed him by the arm with his gigantic hand and Edge realized that maybe it would be best to listen to him after all.

Horrorswap Sans - Looks too similar to his younger version but gets really mad when accidentally called Blue. Edge did the mistake once and got surprise by how fast that guy is despite having only one leg. That's a horror movie cryptid.

Horrorswap Papyrus - He doesn't like him or anything, but can't help but feel protective around him. I mean, look at him. He's like a lost puppy or something. The big bad world is going to eat him alive one of these days.

Horrorfell Sans - He's glad he could take his brother out of hell before this. Edge actually respects Copper a lot for surviving through the famine despite being as weak as Red. Edge tries to help him and his brother when he can.

Horrorfell Papyrus - He has a hard time thinking he could have been in that situation, but he admires Chief for not giving up. He's not sure he would have been strong enough to stay as optimistic despite the pain. Chief is a little bit like his model, and Edge likes to hang out with him when he has some time.

Swapfell Sans - Finally a good training partner that is both challenging and competitive. Edge has a lot of fun training with Nox (who is definitely not his best friend at all). However, he can see Nox is very haunted by his role in the Royal Guard. Edge saw that look in old soldiers he trained, who are here only because it's paying well. Except Nox is not old at all. He's worried he might make a big mistake one of these days and is in negotiation with his Asgore to sort of hire him in his guard, so he can take his distances with his Toriel. He can tell his Toriel is not a good person.

Swapfell Papyrus - He's so similar to his brother that it hurts. Lazy, loud, pranking people all day. It's not even a surprise Red spends all his days with him. Ok, maybe one or two of his pranks amused him at some point, and maybe that guy is somehow charming enough for everyone to eat in his hands, but that's definitely not Edge's case (yes. yes it is).

Fellswap Gold Sans - He sees himself a lot in Wine, maybe with a little (LOT, A LOT) of manipulation. He's not sure Wine sees him as a friend, but Edge is definitely going to him when he needs advice. He's a bit the father figure he never had even though he looks like his brother and it's really weird. But at least he is always (brutally) honest with him and Edge needs that sometimes.

Fellswap Gold Papyrus - He can tell Coffee is following him everywhere like he's some sort of role model. That made Edge uncomfortable at first, but now he's worried when Coffee is not there to follow him around, asking a hundred questions. He is used to that.

Outertale Sans & Papyrus - He doesn't know them. But they look like pale copies of his brother and him. Except these ones fly for some reason. How though? Skeletons don't have wings???

Dancetale Sans & Papyrus - How many of these pacifist guys are there out there? Why the hell these ones are dancing???

Dancefell Sans - Uh... He didn't think there could be a weaker version of his brother honestly but here is Rumba he guesses. He got confused that one time he asked him to show his fight move and the guy started dancing??? How the hell did he survive so long???

Dancefell Papyrus - What the hell is that. That guy looks like him but he acts like Mettaton somehow. Edge is very disturbed and doesn't like him.

Farmtale Sans & Papyrus - They are decent. He expected yet another version of those pacifist weaklings, but somehow Sam is a lot more interesting than the others, not scared to talk back to him or fight him when he gets too insulting. Edge can respect that. Ben reminds him of himself when he was younger, full of hope and very shy. He's worried he might get crushed by the world at some point.

Mafiatale Sans - Annoying as hell. Literally exploded his wall once because he insulted his brother. Edge is holding back everytime he sees his stupid face, he wants to fight that guy so bad.

Mafiatale Papyrus - Creeper is scary. He only feared Asgore before, but that guy is even scarier. He doesn't say anything. He keeps staring at him. Menacingly. Edge doesn't like him.

Mafiafell Sans - He wishes his brother was similar to him, a little more active. Too bad Fang hates him because of what happened with Torpedo. Edge wanted to know him more before it happened.

Mafiafell Papyrus - Torpedo is the version of him he for sure doesn't want to become. Insulting, condescending, thinking he knows everything and clearly has too much power. The first thing Torpedo did was to laugh at him, saying he looks like a clown in his royal guard armor, in front of all his friends. So yeah, Edge got mad and attacked him. Maybe he underestimated the crazy amount of LV this guy has. You can only reach that by killing for fun, Edge saw that LV in the monsters he executed for Asgore. He doesn't like him, he knows Torpedo is a ticking bomb that will cause at some point a lot of damage because, with so much LV, it's impossible to stay in control for long. Edge hates him and hopes he will never turn like that.

Ink - ???????? His brain can't understand what that Ink guy is. He prefers to say out of his way.

Error - He can tell he's dangerous, but he's not sure why. He's uncomfortable around him and doesn't want to know more about him.

Disbelief Papyrus - Despite clearly being a clone of the pacifist guy, he can tell this one went through a lot and is a lot more similar to him than he would like. That Papyrus lost a lot of things and sacrificed his life so his universe could survive. Edge respects him a lot and tries to show him he's there if he wants to talk, even though he's not the best at that.

Killer Sans - Even though his brother likes him a lot, Edge prefers to keep a safe distant. He saw that guy LV, it's way too high for someone who pretends so well to be a jokester. Edge is not fooled by his little game. That Sans is dangerous.

Dustale Sans - He acts like Doomfanger??? He fights with Doomfanger??? Is that skeleton a skeleton or a mutant cat? He's not sure.

[fanfic-obsessed]

Ten Years in Two months

While the meat and potatoes of this idea comes a bit later, it does require some finangleing beforehand. Some of the beginning does feel a bit contrived, because it is. In order for the dominoes of the plot to fall right later, we do have to force them into shape now in a series of improbable actions. 

Bear with me for a bit, we’ll get there. 

There is not really a particular point this starts, save that it is after Padme becomes pregnant (though well before she realizes she is) but before the Umbara arc (or ignoring the Umbara Arc), for no particular reason other than I want Waxer there.  A mission is assigned to the 212th to escort Padme Amidala and her retinue to a neutral world for negotiations with the Separatists.  They are taking with them commander Ahsoka Tano (the in-world explanation being that she was on Coruscant catching up with course work and they would rendezvous with the 501st, who were on a campaign in that region). 

On the way to this neutral world, from the perspective of the rest of the galaxy, the 212th in its entirety vanishes for two months. 

From the perspective of the 212th they become trapped on an uncharted planet for 10 years. 

For the rest of the galaxy those two months are enlightening into Anakin Skywalker's particular brand of instability.  Without the tempering influence of the bonds to his Master and Padawan, compounded by the fact that his secret wife disappeared as well, Well…his attempts to find them could, in the best of lights, be described as unhinged. He did not fall in at this time, for he was given no reason to make that choice (and falling to the dark, into evil is very much a choice. One does not fall by accident, after all), but he made it very clear that the war, protecting innocents, the Republic, or even the lives of his own men meant nothing compared to finding Padme (occasionally he would remember to make it seem as though he was focusing on finding Obi Wan or Ahsoka, though he never quite remembered to include the rest of the 212th). His obsession presented itself in such a way that even Palpatine was reconsidering some of his plans (he still intended to break Anakin into Vader, but he was now inclined to let Padme-and maybe even Ahsoka; Obi Wan was always going to die-live on as a stabilizing influence to his ultimate apprentice). 

He was swiftly removed from command of the 501st and had to be kept partially sedated for at least 6 of those 8 weeks. 

With the 212th for the first few months, from their perspective, they tried to contact the rest of the fleet. Tried to contact anyone.  Tried to escape from their orbit around this one planet, thankfully habitable and with an abundance of edible food. However, though they did not know it, the planet was out of sync with the rest of the galaxy.

Over the period of about two years they shifted from living mostly on the ships with just enough people on the surface of the planet to keep everyone fed to a more permanent settlement on the planet with a rotating skeleton crew up on ships to keep everything running. 

Padme found out about her pregnancy pretty early on, and with it came the knowledge that her relationship with Anakin was not the secret she thought it was.  Nor was the relationship forbidden like Anakin told her. The marriage was forbidden, because of the Oaths Anakin swore as part of the Jedi Order and how they conflicted with the traditional Nabooian Wedding vows (though she also finds out that the Jedi Order would have helped revise both sets of vows so they did not conflict).  Even beyond her own misunderstandings of the Jedi, she started to see the many places where Anakin either deliberately misunderstood his own culture, or deliberately misled her.  

In fact it became obvious within the first six months that every culture represented in the ships (The variety of cultures from the natborn admiralty, the Nabooian Delegation, The clones, and the Jedi) all had some misconceptions about all of the other cultures ranging from the humorously minor to massive misunderstandings (One of the minor misunderstandings is between the Jedi and the Clones on names and numbers. The Jedi believe that they are making sure that they are calling the clones what the clones want to be called instead of their designation. The clones think that the Jedi as a whole are uncomfortable with their designation AS names-Which yes but also no-so even though most of the clones prefer a name to their designation, even the few that want to use their designation are told by the other clones that the must choose a name to use around the Jedi). 

Obi Wan takes over Ahsoka’s training and the gaps that Anakin had left become very obvious; the place where he taught her something that was outright wrong even more so. About three months in, Ahsoka tells Obi Wan about Anakin’s ‘training’ of being surrounded and fired upon by the 501st.  One of the few things that Anakin was right about was that he Jedi would not understand, nor condone, that training. Ahsoka had not realized how disconnected from her own culture she had become in her short time with Anakin. How isolated he had made her from her people. Though she and Obi Wan were the only Jedi, she felt closer than ever to everything she had grown up with as he took on her tuition. 

In month 8 Obi Wan, who was looked to as the leader, arranged for a series of times to address the misconceptions held by an for each culture present.  When it became clear that they were cut off for the long haul, he helped the variety of people to start to live instead of just surviving.  And at the beginning there were a number of natborns among them that were anti clones, or anti Jedi, just as there were many clones that were anti nat born.  But with only about 1500 people in total (1300 clones, about 50 natborn officers and support staff, about 150 senatorial support staff) there were simply not enough people to support those kinds of prejudices.  It is hard to say that the clones were not human when you listen to the stories of decommissioned batchmates during one of the remembrance ceremonies.  Or hate the natborn lieutenant that got drunk and cried all over you about the pregnant wife they left behind.

The twins were born with a village of aunts and uncles, and though they are the oldest, they were not the only ones. Sache, one of Padme’s former handmaidens and part of her senatorial retinue, entered into a relationship with Waxer and Boil, having a child with them that was a year younger than the twins.  Many relationships formed and broke apart during those years.

Ahsoka and Padme ended up co parenting the twins, with Padme being called Mom and Ahsoka being called Mom Ah.  It was the twins who insisted on their names from their earliest ability to speak. 

In year four Cody and Obi Wan get married. Though theirs is not the only relationship that develops, nor the only one with healthy communication, their relationship does highlight to Padme how unhealthy her relationship with Anakin actually was. (It should be noted that, although Anakin’s instability and actions were flashier, this is not Anakin abusing/coercing the poor innocent Padme. In this they are toxic together, both acted in unhealthy ways that compromised their own morals).  Padme was able to see how Cody and Obi Wan did not use their love for each other as a bandage for deeper wounds. That CodyWan did not become all consuming; each man had friendships and hobbies and duties separate from each other (even with the friends they shared, they did not act as a single unit, inseparable from each other).  The other relationships she saw only drove this point home. 

At some point in those ten years she tells Obi Wan of what happened on Tatooine, just before the start of the war. And Obi Wan, eyes betraying his grief and horror at the massacre of the Tuskens asked her why she absolved Anakin of his crimes (By technicality, as a senator Padme did have the authority to absolve Anakin-so even if Tatooine becomes part of the Republic, and the crime is reported, Padme’s actions mean that Anakin cannot be tried under Republic Law). Padme cannot answer him.  

Though it does take time, Padem is eventually able to meet Obi Wan’s eyes again after the revelation. 

6 years in, Ahsoka and Padme realize that they have fallen in love.  Driven by the Jedi teachings for healthy and open communication (though many cultures value open and honest communication, few need it in the same way as the Jedi who are all some degree of Empath), they talk about what was happening. Neither is sexually attracted to the other, but they do want to date each other.  But Padme is married to Anakin. And it might have been six years, so they do not know if Anakin even still lived, and if did, he had likely moved on (both of which are reasonable assumptions) but being together without first speaking to Anakin felt too much like giving up the idea that they would find a way home. So they agreed to wait until they were ready to give up that idea. 

They had not given up by the time that the 10 year mark rolled around.

In year 7 the chips begin to deteriorate. The material they were made up of were not meant for the extra years of use, plus the method Helix used to stop the accelerated aging (discovered within 5 months of actually having time) created an enzyme as a byproduct that had no effect on the clones, but accelerated the deterioration of the chips.  The first three chips were removed after the clones involved complained of migraines. All the documentation in the computer banks (the archive of what was readily available, instead of what was stored on the galaxy’s version of the cloud) of the ships said the chips were to inhibit excess aggression. No one had any reason to not believe the documentation, not even with the realization that the chips were not in the right place for what they were supposed to do (the assumption is that the Kaminoans, for all their genetic know how, just do not understand near human neurology enough to have put it in the right place).  Obi Wan met with Helix, the head medic, with Cody after the removal of those first chips.  Obi Wan assumed that he did not know about the chips because he had not been on the council when the order was put in. Helix is able to confirm that all of the clones have these chips and what they are supposed to do (according to the literature) and that some were beginning to deteriorate.  After it becomes clear that the removal will not hurt the clone, they make the decision to remove all of them. However, believing them to be behavioral modifiers (if incorrectly placed), and as they did not have the optimal equipment to decode them, they all left it at that and put the Chips into storage and basically forgot about it. 

Just 15 days shy of the 10th anniversary of their arrival to the uncharted planet, whatever grip that was holding the ships bound to orbit the planet vanished (The planet was in sync with the rest of the galaxy- it is a window of time that is six hours long in the larger galaxy, or 15 days long on the planet) Still not able to raise communications to anyone outside of the planet’s orbit, not knowing how long they would have before they were stuck again, and fearing that they would be cut off from anyone left behind (no one had forgotten that the planet had not registered as there until they were trapped), everyone was loaded onto the ships along with all of their food stores and the 212th left the uncharted planet. 

As soon as they hit the galaxy at large again, alarms began to shriek. Every system that communicated with the central systems (basically everything outside of life support) experienced a fatal error upon reconnecting with the galaxy’s central system. It takes 4 days to fix. They have to reset all of the internal clocks/calendars in their computer systems to a date and time two months and 3.5 days after they became trapped (the last 24 hours of that time was spent inputting random dates into the system). 

NOTE: There is a very important reason for this. Computers are very black and white about some things, and communicating between computers is often validated on specific information to make sure that both systems are dealing with the same information at the same thing. Current Date/Time had to be validated for the purpose of navigation. Galactic/Stellar drift is very real, and in the mapped regions of the galaxy that drift is precisely calculated.  It is impossible to keep a real time map of every object in the galaxy, instead there is a systematic ping that goes out at specified times (Twice per Galactic Standard year) remapping every object in the known galaxy and correcting the location in the centralized system.  Then Navigation computers calculate how long it has been since the last ping to figure out where everything is and a safe route.  That only works if the current date time matches the current date time of the centralized system exactly (some of those object movements, even objects large enough to damage the largest of ships, can be measured in microseconds). 

No one realizes why this is an issue. The entirety of the 212th believe that 10 years have passed (born out by their time keepers, which had ticked along for ten years) and yet to the larger galaxy only two months have. They absently notice that by the time anything is working again the planet they were on had vanished. 

A message is sent to Coruscant, to the Jedi temple, but it is a hesitant thing. Deliberately vague in details. Obi Wan has no idea what 10 years has done for or to the war effort.  The response is almost immediate,  a call from the Jedi council. The very first question out of Mace Windu’s mouth is a cranky sounding ‘Where in the Force have you been for the last two months?’ (Look Master Windu is absolutely ecstatic that they are safe and not dead, but he has spent the four days helping to keep Anakin contained-the sedation began to wear off faster now that he could feel Ahoska and Obi Wan in the Force again-, the last two months realizing that Obi Wan ran about a third of their side of the war, and had been in the middle of sleeping for the first time in weeks).

There is quite a bit of confusion as both Obi Wan and Mace were absolutely sure the other had lost it over how long the 212th had been gone (Obi Wan: we were trapped for ten years; Mace: Bullshit! You’ve been gone for 2 months).  It is Ahsoka’s appearance that convinces Mace that something more is going on (he would not know the children, and Ahsoka is the only other one for whom 10 years-or 10 years and 5 months for the clones- would make a huge visible difference). Mace is able to convince Obi Wan that they really have only been gone two months and the 212th makes its way back to Coruscant, reeling over the disconnect (The Lieutenant who spent the last 10 years mourning over the missed moments with their wife and unborn child…hasn’t even missed the birth).

The mind healers who have been dealing with Anakin nearly weep in relief at the news that Padme Amidala is with the 212th and safe. They know that Anakin needs many much therapy still but they have hope he will actually pay attention now that his wife is back. 

The 212th, now a community in a way that they had not been, returned to Coruscant.  They do not split in the ways that they would have before (before relationships and children) and peer at the lives they had left behind that they no longer quite fit the shape of. 

The lieutenant brings home their best friend (a clone who had not picked their name before the mission, but decided to go with 29, which they picked to reference the number of a decommissioned batchmate)  to meet their wife, only for some of the wife’s family make an awful comment about flesh droids and being a pet (thankfully their wife was equally embarrassed by her brother’s behavior). 

Obi Wan, Cody, Padme, and Ahsoka go to the Jedi temple, to the Jedi Council (the twins, like the rest of the children, were left aboard the Negotiator in the care of their extended family). They speak of the planet where they had been trapped and the lives they grew there. 

Padme took the time to apologize to the Council, formally, for the violation of their beliefs that she and Anakin had perpetrated by marrying as they had.  She could admit that while Anakin had not told her of any Jedi traditions for marriage, or really any traditions they might be violating by marrying, she had made no effort to check either. 

As an afterthought Obi Wan told the Jedi Council about the chips deteriorating, but that they did not appear to be doing anything anyway (To which every other member went: “What chips?”). Upon being asked Obi Wan calls for Helix to get a chip or two out of the storage closet they had been forgotten in. Which was then promptly handed to people with specialized equipment for decoding bio mechanical chips. 

After the latest round of sedation has worn off Padme, Obi Wan, and Ahsoka go to see Anakin. They are told that before Anakin can be released he needs to be assessed by three different mind healers. They go intending to tell Anakin of the twins. Padme also goes with the intent to test the waters about the possibility of separating (She does not know that her and Ahsoka dating would go anywhere, nor are either of them even thinking of it right now, but even leaving that aside Padme has realized that her and Anakin are not healthy together). Things do not go quite as intended. 

At first Anakin is so happy to see all three of them, he exclaims over Ahsoka being so grown up (she is now 24, now older than Anakin). It rapidly becomes clear that Anakin expected he would be released immediately, now that they were back.  There was a small blip, a frown and a strange heaviness when he realized that all three of them were backing the healers that he needed to be assessed.  Anakin also did not like how close Ahsoka and Obi Wan were, oh before they vanished he would joke about Ahsoka being their shared padawan, but he preferred it when Obi Wan’s lessons unintentionally reinforced the idea that Ahsoka was better off with Anakin than any other Jedi.

There were a few moments when he could speak to Padme alone, and the way he spoke left  Padme feeling cold. There was nothing overt but it all reinforced a possessiveness that Padme realized she did not want in her or her children's lives. They leave without telling Anakin about the children. 

Padme tries six more times to go and talk to Anakin about separating. At best he acts like he does not hear or understand her words.  At worst he starts ranting about Obi Wan trying to steal his wife and needing to be sedated. 

Regretfully, and with the backing of both the Jedi and the 212th community, Padme starts the process to get a divorce. Nabooian traditions insist that a couple that wants to divorce must meet with a Nabooian marriage counselor first, to see if reconciliation is possible.  Setting this up takes several months as, upon being informed of proceedings Anakin had a second breakdown. His connection to the Force was such that the Jedi needed to block the connection lest he become very destructive. Only the Force Blockers left him not coherent enough to attend the session with Counselor. In the end the Jdi built a special room just to block Anakin’s specific connection to the force for them to meet in.  Traditionally the divorcing couple meets at least 5 times before permission is given to divorce.  It took one meeting for the Counselor to grant Padme her divorce. 

The 501st had not been assigned a new general by the time the 212th returned, and Ahsoka was almost ready for knighthood.  She took command of the 501st for a total of 4 months, it was too uncomfortable and too much like she was replacing Anakin (made weirder by the fact she still wanted to date his soon to be ex wife  and was helping to raise his children).  In the end Obi Wan ended up taking direct command of the legion, with Cody taking the lead of the 212th.  This also made everyone uncomfortable, thankfully the war ended three months after that (the revelation of what the chips did had the council contemplating finding the planet that 212th had been stranded on).

Palpatine had been indiscrete around someone who he had assumed would back his power play for an Empire. To be fair, in another world that family would have been high ranking imperial with very human centric tendencies. 

Palpatine had not expected a Lieutenant of the Galactic Navy, member of the 212h or not, to whip out a slug thrower and shoot at a party when Palpatine had admitted to knowing about the slave chip in the clones' heads. 

To be fair, neither did the Lieutenant.

[legendaryvermin]

What if No Gold?

If you've talked to me about game design before then you may have heard me talk about how much I hate two things in TTRPGs: Gold and Trad Game XP.

While I may write a post later talking about why, today I was thinking about what sorts of systems you could use to make a fair start at getting rid of gold pieces in your game entirely, and so I'm here with a couple of quick ideas and partial systems that you are free to try out or steal for something yr working on.

Barter Tables

Barter tables are simple, they are a list of the kinds of things a person or community might have or could give, versus the kinds of things they might need. For a simple one: Wandering Knight:

A day's worth of hard tack -> a night's watch A fine weapon -> fine maintenance on all medium and heavy armor Saving them from certain doom -> A true name, used to summon them once for battle against a worthy foe

On the left, we have something the party might have or give, and on the right, something they might receive in exchange. We can already see from this that goods and service are at odd equivalencies. This table needn't be the only set of exchanges available, but it offers a place for us to not only understand this character, but to think about what skills and goods they are likely to have on them, and how they fit into our world, and build off of in the future. Here's another:

A Reputable Inn:

Nothing -> A thin broth and a bench in the main hall to sleep on Fresh ingredients -> A fine meal and a private room A Golden Trinket -> A fine meal, a private room, and the attention of pickpockets A well told tale or song -> Food and beer, trinkets and tack if you're lucky Breaking up a fight before anyone is hurt -> a well packed lunch and extra supplies for your departure A well-woven tapestry -> Fine food whenever you are in town, and a favor from the owner

Discreet Value Matrix

This is a fancy way of saying that depending on certain factors, we might be able to assign a specific value to different kinds of objects to help decide how much you get for them. Imagine a few axes for this kind of matrix, all with possible values between -10 and 10:

Quantity

Scarcity

Utility

Magical Endowment

Age

Beauty

You could use these values to figure a rough value of something based on the condition of not only the object, but also the environment of the thing. Let's take a normal sword as an example. When seen by a warrior, a sword might have the following value:

Scarcity -> 2

Utility -> 7

Age -> 6 (it's new)

But to a farmer it might look more like this:

Scarcity -> -5 (I do not need this)

Beauty -> 2

What you do with these numbers (adding them, just comparing them) doesn't matter as much as having a consistent way to identify how much a person or group needs something, and potentially makes for some very interesting trades:

Let's say our party needs a magical relic that is in the possession of a local town. to the town the relic has the following value:

Scarcity -> 10 (there's just the one)

Age -> 10 (it's been here since the town's founding)

Utility -> -3 (there's a rumor it's cursed)

Beauty -> 5

Magical Endowment -> 10 (it's clearly magic so come on, can't get something for nothing)

Now the party doesn't have the time to do a side quest to help this town with the skeletons popping out of the graveyard, but they do have two things the town needs: weapons (to fight the skeletons) and food (there was a blight on the crops, maybe related). Through some negotiations, the players trade the following to the town:

Spears

Utility -> 5

Quantity -> 4 (enough for the toughest townsfolk)

Scarcity -> 7

Food

Utility -> 7

Quantity -> 8 (it's all their but the party has a druid that can create food)

Scarcity -> 7

It's pretty quick to do napkin math on what makes a fair trade for the facilitator, and the party gets to go on their way knowing that they're eating nothing but roughage for a couple of days.

[tennessoui]

With the Percy Jackson series coming out right now have you ever thought about a Percy Jackson obikin au?

so it’s been soooo long since I’ve read the books and I really haven’t kept up with the show (though everyone has told me it’s very very good!! and it’s on my to-watch list!)

but with my little memory of the series, I’m thinking of an au where anakin is the son of hades (non negotiable) and obi-wan is the son of ___ (I’m torn but I’m thinking some very minor god)

and when anakin’s like 9, he’s at the age where he for real needs to get to camp because monsters are popping up everywhere and obi-wan’s just some 25 yo bystander dude that takes him in and tries to get this kid to safety — he himself has never been to camp and doesn’t know anything about the Greek gods, but he can see the monsters coming after this little boy so if he says he has to get to Long Island then sure, obi-wan will get him there

When they do finally arrive after many harrowing adventures and close calls, anakin absolutely throws a tantrum (featuring skeletons rising from the underworld) when the camp director tells obi-wan he really should go, thank you for delivering the chosen one safely etc etc because obi-wan’s godly parent is a minor god and he’s basically not that powerful of a demigod anyway and minor godly children don’t really have a place at camp. and obi-wans pretty ok with that cause this isn’t his life anyway

but anakin loves him and anakin wants him around and anakin will hide in obi-wan’s car and steal away from camp to stay with him if he does leave because he’s anakin’s now they’ve trauma bonded on their way across country 😡

so obi-wan gets to stay at camp in the big house and as the years pass he actually becomes assistant camp director and gets more and more authority because even though he doesn’t have a big 12 godly parent or whatever, he’s just so damn likable.

19 year old anakin has known this forever he’s thought obiwan was great for more than half his life at this point. The only thing that would make him better is if he gave in to anakins advances and let him kiss him a little.

meanwhile obiwan is comfortable in this world after a decade being in it and comfortable with the rules and with himself but there’s absolutely no way he’s going to incite the wrath of fucking hades himself by giving into the urge to bang his 19 year old kid, who obi-wan has cared for and known since he was a CHILD.

no thank you. He’s seen the destruction of anakin’s tantrums and he’s pretty sure that rage is hereditary

[cure-icy-writes]

Okay so. A lot of people have been making cute little dungeon meshi aus where it's modern, but specifically the cast lives in one place. Figured I should maybe share mine?

Anyways. Dungeon Meshi but it's midwestern.

-Senshi, i think, is a regular presence in the church but is the kind of christian that the pastor has beef with. He has an apron with two fish and five loaves of bread on it, and can be found at pretty much every barbecue and church potluck. No one's sure if he's really devoted to jesus or just heard the story of a guy feeding an entire crowd and started showing up to church to feed people. He has caused two married men to have their bisexual awakenings.

-The town they all live in has an extremely high density of restaurants, meaning the only thing to do around there is go out to eat. The gang goes out to eat new places a lot together!

-Izutsumi is a warrior cats kid who was probably bullied for hissing and biting the other kids. The gang recognizes that she's not mean, she's just badly socialized and also seventeen. She lives in a group home, but has been running away less ever since she got promised regular meals.

-Related: Chilchuk is a union guy who is covertly making sure every restaurant they go to is up to code. He keeps shutting down places for not having adequate safety measures for their employees.

-Izutsumi has decided she's going to hang out with Chilchuk sometimes and will stop by his workplace. He's insistent that he's not adopting any more children, but has been teaching her how to budget, how to lie convincingly enough to get a job, and the most ethical places to shoplift from with the fewest risks because she's going to steal things anyways.

-Marcille has never been to a cornfield in her life. She's a Chicago kid, who really misses her deep dish pizza and that really good Italian place, but she's here to study some rare microorganisms.

-Marcille studies a very weird field of medicine that involves looking for medical uses in odd places. She's looking to eliminate class divides in lifespan by trying to find more affordable medicines for diseases that primarily affect the lower class.

-Her father died of asbestos poisoning from working in unsafe conditions when she was a kid, so she's especially alert for it, and gets a little neurotic around flu season.

-Laios and Falin used to go to the creek behind their house all the time to catch crawdads, and sometimes he'll still do it for old time's sake.

-Laios flunked out of college because they couldn't handle his autism rizz. He's going to trade school for the culinary arts, but he keeps trying to cook things he shouldn't.

-Laios checked out the massive dragon books from the library and cried when he found out they weren't real.

-He does furry commissions online, but he's not the best with customer negotiations and keeps wondering how many nipples someone's fursona has. Chilchuk helped him build his profile to appeal to commissioners who like speculative biology.

-Falin watched her brother flunk and went "hm, I think I will not." she's an apprentice at a local gardening shop. You think she's a normal sweet cottagecore kind of girl but then she starts gushing about soil nutrients and sustainability and you realize. Oh. Oh this is the kind of girl who would romanticize being buried under a tree and having it consume her bones.

-Laios wears shirts with anatomically correct dinosaur skeletons on them, but he has to order them online and frequently complains that there are no good clothing shops nearby. Senshi heard him say this, and introduced him to fabric paint.

[sebastianswallows]

The English Client — Ten

— PAIRING: Tom Riddle x F!Reader

— SYNOPSIS: The year is 1952. Tom is working for Borgin and Burkes. He is sent to Rome to acquire three ancient books of magic by any means necessary. One in particular proves challenging to reach, and the only path forward is through a pretty, young bookseller. A foreigner like him, she lives alone, obsessed with her work... until Tom comes into her life.

— WARNINGS: none

— WORDCOUNT: 2.6k

— TAGLIST: @esolean @localravenclaw @slytherins-heir

I

Unsurprisingly, there was no sign of Ambrogio when Tom returned the next day after seeing Berit and negotiating an employment contract. His new colleague let him through to the downstairs area, the undershop, and she was quite cheerful at the sight of him, but clearly tired. Tom guessed she hadn’t slept much, just as he hadn’t.

“Do you have any plans for lunch?” he asked almost as an afterthought when he was halfway down the trapdoor with only his head peeking out.

“Well, I was going to see if Fred had time… Oh, you don’t know him, he’s —”

“Would you like to go with me, instead?” Tom asked, putting on his most charming smile.

“I would,” she said quickly with a lovely laugh.

“Good,” said Tom. “I’m glad to hear it.”

She blushed and nodded.

“Well, then, see you at noon,” he said, stepping down further with a parting wink.

He had not abandoned the notion that, out of all the people involved with Casa Ur, she was the one through which he could reach his goals most easily. And he’d be kidding himself if he didn’t admit she was the most pleasant out of all of them, not that she had much competition on that front. As for the others — the Baron, Ambrogio, even the secretary — they were to be handled carefully…

And in the meanwhile, Tom set to work.

She had given him a briefing on what he could find below, and where, and the rest was up to him. Tom spent the first few hours setting up his desk — he chose the one that wasn’t with its back against the door — and then inspecting his surroundings. The tunnels were large and expansive, although they were merely the skeleton of what they could have been. That one large corridor opened into many rooms and smaller passages, some of which led nowhere, and some of which were full. He didn’t have time to see them all that day.

Then he made a few attempts at magic and found, to his surprise, that there were no counter-spells active at all. At least, not on the basic sort of spells he tried, the ones that wouldn’t target a person. That would certainly make his work much easier, as he could enchant a quill to write up his reports after authenticating the books, while he explored the tunnels further.

Best of all, before lunchtime, he looked into the closest room to his new office, the one behind the curtain. It opened into a vestibule that was well organised and rather bare, although there was the hint of rituals performed there from the half-burnt candles and the hints of chalk upon the floor. Through another door and with the help of Lumos he saw a larger chamber, something like an auditorium.

“The auction room, I take it…”

Once he stepped out, he noticed another doorway of a wood so dark as to seem invisible. It looked like a grander office with a large desk facing the door. If the smell and dust were any indication, it was being used less often than his shared office with Ambrogio, but it was more ornate, more respectable, and filled with shelves and drawers. Pinned to a board were layers and layers of lists.

He focused on the books which lined the walls there. Their quality did not much differ from the books on sale upstairs, but some were rare and precious things indeed. His fingers itched even as he only looked at them. These were too valuable to leave in the hands of muggles, but that was a problem for another day.

Lunch came around. She called him on the telephone at noon, startling him from the ransacking of another crate. In a way, it was another novelty for Tom — not that he hadn’t eaten with her before, but the whole idea of a lunch break was luxurious to him. At Borgin and Burke’s, he ate standing up and in a hurry, if he ate at all. In this respect, the Baron was a generous employer, or perhaps it was the whole Italian attitude to life that deserved the credit.

The restaurant where they went to eat — he let it be her choice to spare himself the humiliation of picking poorly again — was the same where she had gone to eat with Frederico: a small place opposite the Trevi fountain filled with young Italians and tourists. It was a far cry from Knockturn Alley. Everyone here was well dressed, hair carefully coifed. and there was an air of self-respect in their relaxed and pleasant posture which was reflected also in their laughter, their good cheer, and how appraisingly they looked at others. Tom never did like being gawked at, but he discovered he liked people gawking at his companion even less.

“What are you thinking?”

“Hmm?”

She was looking at him with her chin braced on her palm, her head slightly tilted in a dreamy sort of way. “It’s just… That was a pretty intense look on your face,” she said. “I just hope you’re not having trouble with your new… assignment.”

“My what? Oh, you mean — No, that’s going very well,” said Tom, head turned at the Piazza spread before him. “No, I was just thinking of London, in fact.”

“Oh,” she said dejectedly.

“And how much I hate it there.”

“Really?” she said, sounding more hopeful.

“Yes… Sometimes, when I let my guard down, I must confess I like it here.”

“Well then, we must make sure to strip you of all your guards,” she giggled. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” she added quickly. “That sounded funnier in my head.”

Tom smirked. “What do you mean? I found it hysterical.”

She groaned and hid her face behind the menu.

“Make no mistake,” said Tom, “I’m sure I’ll hate it here as well. All these people, all of them… looking at us.”

“They’re only judging our fashion sense,” she whispered.

“Are they indeed?”

“And, well, maybe more.”

“Hmm.”

Her flirtation was quite charming, in its artless way. It was not a show of wits and glamour, not a boast or a sophistication, it was just… a response to his presence, and what she thought of him.

And apparently, she was imagining him naked. Legilimency is probably my favourite spell, he thought, after the killing curse, naturally.

Their tension — her groaning, him grinning — was cut by the arrival of the server.

She had something with seafood. Tom had Alio et olio.

“Are you sure?” she asked. “That can be quite spicy.”

“Don’t worry. I know what I’m doing,” he winked.

II

There were a few hours left until sunset, and Tom put aside his explorations of that underground labyrinth to begin reviewing the books. He took out his quill, enchanted it to take notes on dictation, and made good progress for one hour, reading, thinking, and writing…

His notes ended up sounding a bit stale, generic even, but factual and convincing, he thought. He was ready with the main body of it when Ambrogio appeared. Tom quickly hid the quill away in a drawer and replaced it with a pen when he heard the hollow echo of his footsteps.

“Good morning,” said Tom in greeting with a grin. “I mean, evening. I was just about to pack up for the day, in fact.”

Ambrogio rounded the corner with a practised gait, clad in the same black suit as yesterday complete with a white shirt and red tie. His eyes didn’t betray any surprise at seeing Tom there, but he was familiar with the subtleties of undead expressions from the few customers of his ilk he’d had on Knockturn Alley. So he knew Ambrogio was positively furious to see him there.

Tom’s smile widened in an uncharacteristically friendly fashion. It almost hurt his face.

“Good to see you again, Mr. Ripple.”

“Riddle.”

“Yes, exactly. I am relieved to see you have been… working diligently.”

“I’m almost done with the first book, in fact.”

“Really?”

“I was thinking of sending a first draft to the Baron tomorrow.”

“May I see it?”

“Certainly.”

Tom stepped to the side and let the vampire pick the papers up himself.

“And what is that awful scent?” Ambrogio asked, his nose curling the closer he got to Tom.

“Oh? I have no idea… Might be my lunch.”

Ambrogio looked at him with a disgust verging on death — which the garlic must have smelled like to him. It did cross Tom’s mind that he was playing with fire, but he wanted to have at least a little fun.

Ambrogio’s dead gaze fell to the sheets of paper in his hands. They lay there so limply and delicately that Tom was sure he’d drop them, but vampires were deceitfully strong creatures. It was probably part of what made Ambrogio so useful to the Baron. There was a great deal of heavy lifting to be done in this kind of work, and that, together with his involvement with the magical world, must have made the vampire invaluable.

“You wish to present this to the Baron?” Ambrogio asked.

“Yes,” said Tom confidently.

Oso’s expression changed to something faintly resembling dismay.

“You’ve written hardly anything of note. We need an analysis, not a fairy tale.”

Tom straightened his back and took in a sharp breath.

“The historical considerations,” continued Ambrogio, “are less important than the physical aspects of the book. Look at its characteristics dryly, without concern for context or comparison. I want to see your review of the quality of the paper, its texture, its scent, the thread count of the binding, whether it has any watermarks… Then, you can move on to your personal assumptions about historical compatibility, or whether it has sufficient wear and tear for its supposed age.”

And without any more ceremony, Ambrogio balled up the papers into one messy fistful and threw them into the waste basket by the desk.

“Start over,” he said as he turned, hands now primly behind his back. “If you wish to work for the Baron, you will work until your hands will bleed if that’s what it takes for a good work to be squeezed out of you. You will stay here all night if necessary.”

Tom’s jaw clenched, the ideas of a thousand curses passing through his mind as Ambrogio went back to his own desk.

“And find something better to write with,” he added. “That one scratched the paper something terrible. It’s as if you wrote with a claw. Get a Montblanc.”

III

It took five days for Tom to finish his analysis of The Book of Abramelin, between taking notes in the basement and trips to the library for research. The other two were far easier and he did both of them in one week altogether, finishing up ahead of schedule even by his own rigorous standards. And he did end up buying a fountain pen, but he opted for a Parker instead. He looked at the little decorative arrow on the cap and imagined shooting one straight through Ambrogio’s head.

Tom was, however, relieved that the vampire had seemingly no idea he was a wizard. He behaved around him as he would with any ignorant muggle, although it was clear to Tom he posed as much of an inconvenience to the vampire as Ambrogio did to him. He’d clearly had colleagues before, if the random items left inside the drawers were any indication, but was accustomed to being on his own for quite a while. Tom couldn’t help but wonder what had become of his predecessors… It was highly likely Ambrogio had eaten them.

“What are you giggling about?” asked the vampire, his dry voice scratching across the office.

“Nothing, Mr. Oso,” said Tom with the same pleasant, boyish tone he used with Burke. “I was just clearing my throat. Quite dusty in here… If only were was a window we could open.”

“Well, there isn’t,” he said with a note of satisfaction. “Best get used to it.”

Fortunately, Tom didn’t have to spend too many hours with the fiend. He usually left at around five or six — a stark difference from his very first day when he left at midnight.

Most of the time, Tom had the whole place to himself. He became well acquainted with the auditorium and even asked the girl about it during one of their lunch breaks. Bringing her flowers probably helped — oleander, yellow carnations, and tuberoses. Between complaining about her landlord and detailing her dreams of seeing Paris, Tom slipped in more questions about work.

“Well, you were due to find out about it sooner or later,” she whispered, sitting close.

“What is it?” asked Tom, his long fingers curled around a cup of coffee — black. He had a childlike and eager expression, similar to how he felt when he first discovered the Chamber of Secrets.

“It’s something like a showroom,” she said, cupping her own coffee — full of cream and sugar. “They hold auctions there for books we don’t display upstairs.”

“Special books for special customers, I take it.”

“Well, they certainly think so.”

And from there emerged a conversation about the kind of personalities they were confronted with over the years, from naive parvenus to aggressive aristocrats, people who knew what they were talking about and those who didn’t, and worst of all those who clearly had an interest in the worst kinds of books.

“And Torchia…” she said, the words flowing out of her without intention — but then, when she realised what she’d just said, something froze in her and her words stumbled.

It was up to Tom to pull her through.

“Yes?” he prodded, his dark eyes fixed on her. He expected her to confess whatever they’d done to Clement. “You know I’ll keep whatever you say strictly between the two of us.”

She chewed on her lower lip, eyes flitting here and there like the wings of a butterfly caught in a storm.

“It will go up for auction,” she said at last, the whisper hot against his cheek. “I don’t know when, but there already is a buyer for it.”

“I thought these were auctions, not sales.”

“Not if you’re a personal friend of Ambrogio,” she smirked. “They set things up deliberately for someone to win. I think they charge different prices in secret.”

Tom leaned back, a faint smile on his lips. “That’s a dangerous game they’re playing…”

“Nothing can happen to them. The auctions are secret, the attendees are secret, none of them will go to the police even if they suspect preferential treatment... They’re more likely to cast curses at each other,” she joked.

“Hmm.”

“Honestly,” she sighed, leaning back as well and holding the coffee to her chest like a teddy bear, “I’ll be glad to see this book gone. It’s brought nothing but trouble.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Just… you know.”

“No, I don’t know.”

“Probably for the best…”

Tom looked at her in silence. She was retreating into herself again, her eyes distant and sad. There was a shiver around her shoulders in spite of the summer heat. She was afraid… and full of sorrow. He wondered what it would take for her to confide in him her darkest deeds… The poor thing likely didn’t how excited he’d be to hear them, how proud he’d be of her, his little murderess.

“By the way,” said Tom, “do you happen to know the name of this supposed buyer?”

“Yes, I’ve heard it once… Strange name, sounds French or something. Malfoy, I believe.”

[ntls-24722]

@shiro-luxunder

It's not THAT bad but I also realize it's not as detailed as I thought

I just start eating recyclable shit like i'm going to die tomorrow

in the robot-me universe i had to take a position t a recycling plant in order to sustain my batshit diet, batshit diet being: just straight up plastic. And metal cans! (bonus: i feel like finalized djmm sona would have a tramp stamp commemorating it 💀)

How much plastic do you eat, unknowingly or otherwise? Chances are, a lot more than you should be, but not enough to create an entire house-sized carapace with it. Step 1 of robot puberty is to start EATING for i am a Growing Boy. Tangentially related, I have to go in the mines and start chowing down on precious metals for the exact same reason

At some point my skeleton dissolves

Significantly less scary than it sounds if you would believe me. It happens once my body looks like it completely abandoned my skeletal structure and I didn't notice it was happening until it occurred to me that I didn't have a skeleton anymore.

At some point i just vomit my own organs

Exactly as scary as it sounds. It didn't hurt but it stung my throat. But not all of them! Magical dust can go far but not all the way. Deep down I'm still your lovable flesh boy. Now I'm just full of wires and circuitry and gay shit like that - I still have my stomach, for example. Speaking of which

Eating Weird Shit 3: bacteria jamboree

thank god these were all means to an end because if I were to be organic after all this I think I would have released multiple plagues upon the world. Interestingly, during robot puberty, I became a ruminant, I have not one but multiple of my stomachs, for the flesh is not as weak as you might think, and can be a powerful tool for the machine. Basically I filled my stomachs full of a bunch of bacterias in order to facilitate all the fun things that robots do, like drinking oil and petrol, and also still eat food.

How did I do that? Ya boy was swimming around at the bottom of the mariana trench eating yummy microbes

I had a momentary crisis where I thought all that was left of my organic body was in my hands. And that I should feel shame for it and cover those things up

They aren't. My organic bits are all around my new robotic body. I just really didn't like having naked hands and my brain made shit up and gave me catholic guilt over it

I stopped being able to rotate my eyes and developed a fully rotatable neck like a cyborg owl

self explanatory. I started doing it at preachers on my campus calling everyone an abomination

The weird transitionary period of losing my legs and walking on my arms

Just really weird and awkward for everyone involved

The nightmare of my outer jaws flattening and turning into teethplates. The subsequent learning of semi-swallowing food like a snake.

i have regular jaws somewhere down my throat like a moray eel and I can eat regularly but I have to get food down there first. This was a courtesy on the magic dust on my part because we sat down and I was explained that I had to start swallowing food whole like a snake but I was able to negotiate that I can somewhat keep the same experience with food

actually, just all of my secret mouthparts

it's secret. can't tell you. you have to just find out

Figuring out my LED eyes

Did you know that your thoughts look a lot like AI-generated imagery? Now I do. It took me a long time to hone proper images down on those things

completely unrelated bonus but I got multiple massive grants to be allowed to studied and experimented on multiple occassions which I truly think is the only reason why i'm still here. I still feel like it wasn't enough.

[licollisa]

i’d love to hear your take on sans’ personality!

i was going through your whole blog (as you do) and saw ur post on how sans tends to be mischaracterized, but fanon takes are also very normal and generally just fine, and i agree - i feel like some amount of personal spin from the author is always expected (and keeps things fresh and fun to a degree), but i also feel as if sans is a somewhat tough character to actually pin down when you’re writing him, so i’ve similarly had to drop some fic when they stray too widely from my non-negotiable sans traits lol. (like Being Calm and unruffled. bc while some of that is depression, a large part of it is Just The Way He’s Built lmao.)

Oh for sure, I also have my own set of Sans mischaracterization pet peeves in fics (though I'd often look the other way if the fic is well-written because beggars can't be choosers, no writer owes anyone a perfect Sans voice, fanfics are for fun, etc etc. Hell one of my favorite fics of all time portrayed Sans as an asshole and I'm not complaining because good god the writing is just THAT delicious and I still can't believe I'm reading it for free).

E.g Sans calling another adult (often times the MC) with 'kid'. Or like I've mentioned on another post, if he's quick to anger or aggressive enough to attack at the slightest provocation. Sometimes it's not a case of mischaracterization at all, just something I personally can't read without feeling like a wet kitten (the next time I read an overused skeleton related pun I will escape my own and DIE).

I often theorize why this is a Thing. I yearned to understand why I'm subjected to read yet another skele-ton, tibia, humerus, funny bone pun. Maybe since Undertale was popular with a big ass fanbase, and Sans is like our mascot, so when you combine this with a majority of the fandom being in the younger side -- youths full of time and creativity and energy though lacked the writing experience -- what's left of our poor skeleton is a pile of flanderized bones. Which is often the case when you're young and you just started writing because damn that blue skeleton is too romance able to deny (want write... But HOW write???).

You thought of some of his traits you often see (ketchup, touch Papyrus and die, blue glowing eye, epic bones & blaster attacks, puns, depression, have I mentioned the touch Papyrus and die? Puns again, threats, the bad time catchphrase, so on so forth) and you use these as a guiding bible to writing Sans the Skeleton. Boom, Sans x Reader 200k enemies to lovers.

,,,Bottom line is, I'm kind of sure the tendency to mischaracter him stems from Undertale's popularity and the younger part of the fandom. That, or after all these years, people had simply grown to love and accept Fanon Sans in all his slightly unlikeable behavior glory (heartwarming). So the inaccurate potrayal is now, like, on purpose -- on top of fanon him being easier to pin down because the canon guy are too tricky to pin down, like you said.

From what I've seen though, the canon Sans starts to get the love he deserves again! All is good. Now I can read a Sans x Reader 200k enemies to lovers, but with the actual dude this time. Awesome.

Ight, that said. I legit also think people should write him in the way that makes them the happiest. Sans is fictional but your happiness isn't. Even if your Sans will finally be the one to prompt me to escape my own skeleton. Or your Sans is RABID and deserves JAILTIME and GROWLS and BARA. Go wild, be free, and more importantly, have fun! <3

[dontlookforme00]

NEW MORRO AU TIME!!

Info and images beneath the cut! Pls click for quality.

Ok, this is a song au, based off of these three songs: The Heart Acoustic, The Mind Electric, and The Soul Eclectic, all by Chonny Jash. If you don't already know them, please go listen to them in that order!

I've gotten really obsessed with them lately (thanks worm anon lmao) and I do what I do with all media I like, which is make it about Morro.

In this au, Morro developed some very specific mental disorder that split his personalities (possibly D.I.D?) that called themselves the Heart and Mind, and him the Soul. This is how I'll refer to them all from now on.

First up is the Heart.

He's basically a collection of Morro's childhood traumas, and is in constant agony because of how intense his emotions are. Heart can be very childlike.

He feels everything. He switches between being painfully empathetic, and having barely enough energy to empathise. He's kinda very depressed.

He hates the Mind because of how inhumane he is. He is very stubborn in this hatred.

Heart can be pretty useless, but it's not exactly his fault because yk, emotional agony. However, he shouldn't be underestimated. As the memory-holder of the system, he has the worst memories out of the three, and this trauma can cause violent outbursts. He can absolutely be dangerous.

He can also be reasonable, it's just that mind sends him over the edge so often.

I designed him around the outfit the ninja find on his skeleton in canon, and his green ninja outfit. Have fun w those connotations

Next up is the Mind.

This is supposed to be an embodiment of Wu's teachings, and how they affected him.

This is why he looks more adult, more grown than the others, and also had the braid (but longer) that Wu has in canon.

Because Mind is basically like Wu, and Heart is an embodiment of Morros traumas, you can imagine how very much they hate eachother.

In the song, Mind is a machine. In this au, he's not, but he's very robotic and very strict. Heart calls him a machine as an insult. Mind is kinda more of a "fighting machine", yk?

He's incredibly unemotional. Lacks empathy, only knows how to negotiate. He thinks very lowly of Heart for being so controlled by his emotions, because it means that Mind can't make the system to be the perfectly efficient machine he wants it to be.

He is very stubborn in this trying to convince Heart to suck it up and be just as robotic as he is.

Finally, the Soul.

This is basically just canon Morro.

Canon Morro except as he's carefully navigating his way through the Cursed Realm, he is in perpetual conflict because he can hear these two sides fighting day and night in his head, and he can't get them to shut up.

He is the host, and definitely has the most power over the system. He is also in control of the body most of the time, Heart and Mind-- when they're not endlessly fighting-- are trying to negotiate with Soul.

This is not a good thing for Soul lmao. Now he has to deal with bickering, and the occasional stubborn persuasion.

They both try so hard to convince him to get rid of the other, convince him that they're right, convince him to do anything, to help them both stuck forever in this hell with the person they hate most.

Mind tries to appeal to his desires, (quotes from the songs): "He's [Heart] a depressed fool. Abandon him and we could live so free."

Heart tries to appeal to his humanity; "He's [Mind] a damn madman. Is that the one you truly want to be?"

Ultimately, they have no real power over Soul, but Soul has all the power over them. So they whine and yell and try to convince him, but Soul isn't having any of it. He's developed a lack of empathy, because it is constantly being used against him.

So, he's very reckless and easily agitated, he's very quickly starting to go insane, and often lashes out in manic-like episodes. Sometimes at others, sometimes at Heart and Mind.

He keeps trying to shrug off these voices and they keep coming back. Every now and then, the voices stop, and he has a moment of clarity, and he breaks down, so scared and confused of what's happening, begging the outside world for help.

If he gets revived [idk yet] this will all persist into his life.

Keep in mind I'm just deriving all these personalities from the songs, so seriously, if you haven't, then go listen to them!! They're great songs!!

They'll provide great context and you'll probably understand what I'm saying even better.

Okkkk, I'll reblog this with some other pictures I've drawn of it, (other quotes from the songs lmaoo) so if you've read this far then omg tysm!!! :DDD

[haveyouseenthisskeleton]

A bunch of stray kids that live in the streets are digging in skeleton trash cans and he surprises them. What does he do?

Undertale Sans - He invites them himself to eat something warm. He was a kid who lived outside long ago, so he understands the struggle. He tries to gain their trust over some nice pizza so they tell him how many they are and where they're hanging out. And then as the days pass, tries to make them understand they need help and that he can help with that if they let him. He's not forcing things, as he knows it can be hard to accept you need help, and that if this help comes, they will probably have to separate. He couldn't bear to be separated from Papyrus, so he understands if they don't want that either.

Undertale Papyrus - Same as his brother. Papyrus invites them home to share a better meal than some 3-month-old burned spaghetti. He makes them some soup with a bowl of pasta and some ham. He tries to befriend them so he can learn more about where they're living and if there's more of them. He packs them some food too, to share with their friends who didn't come. He hopes they come back again so he can actually propose his help in finding them foster homes. There's a monster foster program that accepts humans, that Toriel negotiated when they arrived on the Surface. He will talk to her about the kids and how he can help them.

Underswap Sans - Oh, he knows them. He got several reports already around town about kids stealing food. He doesn't mind them digging into his trash as long as they're not throwing everything on the floor afterward. He lets them a basket with a bunch of useful stuff the next day so they can at least survive a little longer, with a card with his number if they want to get help.

Underswap Papyrus - He tries to tell himself he can't save everyone, but that fails miserably when he surprises himself by inviting them into the house lol. Honey is kinda panicking after that and makes them sandwiches, and pasta, and chicken, and a cake, and cookies, and a pie. Ok, maybe that's a bit too much, even he couldn't eat that much food at once, but he didn't plan to let them in, his stupid mouth spoke before his brain could think. At this point, he gives up and lets them sleep in his living room and take a shower. He's not sure if he's going to let them go either because now he got attached and he feels horrible just letting them go sleep outside again. Please someone helps him.

Underfell Sans - He looks at the kids, unsure of what to do then awkwardly asks them if they want him to order them a pizza instead of digging in the trash. He's not very comfortable with children, but he can see they're lacking food. He invites them home while he waits for the pizza, and asks if they need anything else. He's not sure he can help them, but he can do a small gesture to ease their life a little. He would have like people to do that for him when he was a kid.

Underfell Papyrus - He's not pleased but can he really blame them? Edge gives them some money so they can buy decent food instead of eating random things that will probably make them sick. Life is hard enough in the streets to not make it worse. He contacts social care afterward to see if they can do something for them. He's a lawyer, he has a lot of contacts.

Horrortale Sans - Ah... These kids are clearly starving and there's no way in hell he's letting anyone experience that. He invites them to have a meal and then tells them they can sleep in the barn for how long they want to. There's a lot of food around, and if they feel guilty, he will gladly accept their help on the farm so they "earn" their salary. He's going to make sure they are safe first, and then looking for a way out of this situation for them.

Horrortale Papyrus - Like his brother, he just can't close his eyes on this. He tells them he'll let food for them behind the house so they have somewhere to go when they're starving too much. He tries to befriend them and gain their trust for a few weeks, before asking if they want him to help. He's not sure what he can do, but he can look. Toriel probably knows what to do in that case.

Swapfell Sans - Nox could never chase away hungry kids. He almost died on the streets with his brother and he wishes that for no one. That's mainly why he got stupid enough to enroll in the Royal Guard in the first place. He calls a sheltered place and negotiates them a permanent place for long hours. He even offers to give them some money every week until they find a place to live or a job. Money is far from a problem for him, and it's not a few kids that are going to ruin him.

Swapfell Papyrus - He's concerned, but he's not sure what he can do to help. Rus felt terrible because he knows how hard living in the streets is, and he still has a few scars to prove it. He closes his eyes and lets them do what they want. He will still talk about this to Nox later that day because it's bothering him, and Nox will do the same thing as above, seeing it's important for Rus.

Fellswap Gold Sans - His first reaction is to get angry and scream at them, and then call the police on them. He regrets it afterward because these kids are just hungry, but it's too late for that as he's pretty sure he's not going to see them again after he scared the shit out of them for good.

Fellswap Gold Papyrus - He wants to help and give them so food. They invite themselves home, then suddenly shut the door in his face and lock him outside. Coffee is in complete shock, and unsure how he's going to tell Wine that his manor is... Well, not their manor anymore apparently. Oh dear, Wine is going to be mad, is he? Coffee decides to a strategic retreat and goes to hide in the bushes so Wine finds out about the situation by himself.

[ibeta]

Four Terribears (the dunce klerb) Stuff:

(I will add to this when it hits me again to get rid of the bearies.)

• Sans is born into this world and somehow manages to change his character stats/settings. Sans is still The Judge.

• "The World" is awake and begs for Sans' help in maintaining its balance or something like that. But Sans can't help since he's still a cute little bones.

• Sans negotiates with "The World." He wants to spread the souls of his past friends into the world, to be reborn like him. Then, he finds that he's no longer carrying most of those souls, that some have already started rebirth a little before he came. Others he used in the negotiations. Familiar faces pop up, and he feels content to see them happier.

• Sans emancipates himself early from the monster orphanage by displaying his high wisdom and mature decisions. It unnerves some monsters until he starts punning at their face. Somehow, he gets his own home, which is far away from towns. (It is a cheap piece of land. He's planning to keep buying the land nearby, just in case of an emergency.)

• Sans goes to shady places to learn more of his new world. From the monsters in the dark to the monsters in the light, Sans learns of them. He learns their expressions, from their body movement to their words. He can see their souls in the light and sees it even more clearly in the dark.

• Sans finds Papyrus in this world and somehow finds three other little bones that look suspiciously like his brother. He has a sinking feeling that he'll find copies of himself, so he asks The World to help him match up the brothers. The World proves him right when it comes back with information about the lookalikes. Sans hatches out a plan to remove any future name confusion by asking the cute little boneses to rename their sibling. (It works.)

• Sans' shenanigans as "The Judge" appears at the World Menu's log folders. His conversations and interactions with The World are recorded within a golden folder in the logs, as if he's being treated with care. Souls can access this folder whenever they want. "The World" doesn't hide its shameless actions of begging the judge for help when it feels overwhelmed.

• Sans and Papyrus travel to learn more about the world. Papyrus has no idea how they get to these strange places, but he knows that Sans befriended a lot of monsters with his cuteness. They befriend the flower-named ladies from that strangely shady place and the mysterious gruff people from that official-looking building. They learn from them the art of dancing, singing and music... and the art of creative fighting. (They even managed to pair away the flower ladies with the gruff people and got invited to many union ceremonies.)

• Sans teaches Papyrus (and the flower ladies) how to use magic. Intimate healers suddenly appear in the shady districts, highly sought-after and protected by scary bodyguards. New laws protect intimate healers from harm to their well-being. The flower ladies claim that a mysterious consultant had visited them to recommend that they learn healing magic. (It's them, Snas the Consultant!)

• "The Consultant" is a figure that appears in strange places to offer insight into magic and other knowledge. They disappear if they're done sharing their wisdom. Sans gains no suspicion as he's an emancipated tiny skeleton, and The Consultant is taller than him, with a deep voice. It isn't like Sans can disguise himself with conjured bones and change the pitch and range of his voice... right?

• Sans discovers that he doesn't mind learning about activities as long as it helps him connect to the monsters of the world. He finds it... peaceful? He seems to want to connect with the new monsters.

• Some time later, when Sans is older, Papyrus realises the company they keep beside them. Many of their friends treat them with love and respect, but not one of them is his brother’s age! Papyrus, the little brother of an older brother that seems content with things, plans on finding his brother friends of the same age. So, when Papyrus reaches the age where he can attend school, he takes the chance.

Sans, who is astounded by Papyrus’ decisions, worries that his brother will be troubled by other monsters.

"SANS, THEY CAN BARELY COUNT TO A HUNDRED. I THINK I'M FAR FROM BEING BULLIED!"

"but, pap, i..."

"ACTUALLY, BROTHER, WHY DON'T YOU TAKE THIS TIME TO ENTER SCHOOL, TOO?" Papyrus "suggests" with a pointed look. "JUST SKIP TO THE GRADE YOU NEED TO BE INSTEAD OF HANGING OUT WITH ME ALL DAY!"

Sans' smile drops so fast that his teeth click together, and Papyrus breaks his character by going over to comfort him in a panic.

"but i like hanging out with you," Sans pitifully tells him. He looks like he's going to cry, and Papyrus can't allow it. He'll fold! He'll immediately concede to his brother’s demands!

"BUT, SANS, DON'T YOU WANT TO MAKE CONNECTIONS WITH OTHER MONSTERS YOUR AGE?"

The shorter skeleton stays silent. His eyelights look suspiciously blurry.

"A-ACTUALLY, HOW ABOUT I SKIP GRADES SO I CAN ACCOMPANY YOU?!"

His older brother beams at him. Papyrus can't help but feel like he's walked into a trap set up for him.

They go to school, but it's Papyrus that finds a friend in Undyne, a classmate of theirs that contains so much energy in her muscled form. Sans befriends their classmates in a detached manner, but then he meets Alphys, who had entered school late and shares the same classes as them.

"SEE? NOW YOU HAVE A SCIENCE BUDDY, BROTHER!" Papyrus spies Alphys blinking at him from the library hallway and waves. Papyrus waves back, excited. "MAYBE YOU CAN ASK HER OUT," he whispers.

Sans laughs.

Later, Papyrus sees Alphys sputtering as she gives Undyne flowers. She comes by their table in a hurry, thanking Sans for encouraging her to ask out the captain of the sports club and then darting away from their table, escaping from Undyne’s yelling of her name.

The captain of the sports team runs after the small dinosaur monster and scoops her up in excitement.

Papyrus turns to his brother, who sips innocently on a juice box despite having no lips for suction.

"DID YOU KNOW THAT WOULD HAPPEN?"

"nope," his brother denies.

Papyrus relaxes in his seat and sighs. Of cours—

"i thought your best bud would ask alphys out first," Sans added thoughtfully. "seems like a missed chance on her part, huh?"

Papyrus glares at him. "SANS!" This means his brother understood from the very start that Undyne and Alphys shared a good synergy! "YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME!" He's spent several useless weeks showcasing his brother’s worth to Alphys. He's mentioned several times to Undyne how much he wants Sans to ask Alphys out—only for his brother to turn his efforts into the form of a new couple!

"sorry, bro."

"I WOULD HAVE HELPED!"

"i'll take that into account next time."

Papyrus balks in horror. Next time? Is his brother about to play matchmaker for every friend they meet in life?!

Next time comes too fast. Papyrus watches in awe and horror as Toriel and Asgore break up from his perch next to Sans' tree branch. The ex-couple had planned to attend the same school, but some sort trouble had come between them (his brother, perhaps?!) and they couldn't continue on.

"THIS ISN'T WHAT I MEANT BY HELPING," he whispers to his brother after the ex-couple left. "I THOUGHT YOU WERE HELPING THEM TO DO A UNION CEREMONY!"

"nope," his brother denies, opening a single socket. "asgore's softness and tori's decisiveness don't rub well together. splitting them up now will save us a lot of heartache."

"US?" Papyrus sputters, "HOW WILL THEIR RELATIONSHIP AFFECT US?"

Sans sits up on his branch. "huh. you know, i didn't think of that. let's see if we can fix it."

"WE?"

Papyrus sweats as Toriel and Asgore talk to each other in the alcove, apologising and professing their fears and honest feelings. Sans watches them from his perch on the tree branch, swinging his legs back and forth.

"how about that?" Sans asks him after Toriel and Asgore leave while holding hands.

Papyrus stares at his brother. "SANS, HOW ABOUT WE LEAVE THE MATCHMAKING AND MATCHBREAKING TO OTHER MONSTERS?" he suggests.

His horror at seeing Sans use the skills and talents they learned from their babysitters hasn't left him. He feels pangs of awe and the sweat of nerves in his soul. He can envision the future – his brother, Sans, with strings on his fingers and scissors in one hand. Many couples behind him, glaring or staring at each others' eyes.

"sure, bro," his brother agrees easily. "it was kinda tiring when we had to get them back together. fluffybuns is too fluffy. i had to bring a basket of tissues just to hear him out about his flower garden. tori, on the other hand, is kinda sharp. mom senses, ya know?"

"MOM SENSES?"

"seems like a natural sense to her," Sans tells him. "managed to talk her around and left her without knowing anything. just make sure you act calm with someone like her, and she'll think you know nothing and just want to encourage her to be a better goat than yesterday."

Papyrus decides that Sans must never make matches or break matches ever again—

"THEY'RE FIGHTING!" Papyrus tells Sans over their puzzle board.

"the goat couple?"

"UNDYNE AND ALPHYS," Papyrus corrects as he slides in a piece into its proper place. "CAN YOU BREAK THEM UP? THEY'VE STARTED THEIR FOURTH FIGHT DURING THE GAME BOARD TIME AT HOMEROOM. YOU WERE THERE!"

"wasn't paying attention, sorry."

Papyrus doubts it. Sans always seems like he has eyes everywhere. He had cameras installed in their home and somehow always comes up with more and more embarrassing videos and photos of Papyrus’ childhood in the form of suspiciously-angled takes.

"PLEASE, BROTHER," he mumbles, "I WANT TO REVIEW MY NOTES IN PEACE."

Sans blinks at him and laughs. "it's okay, bro, i got this. let's do a review later, okay?"

Papyrus shudders at the subtle promise. No doubt his mind will be drilled with information he needs to pass the exams.

Next year, Sans and Papyrus' classes split. His brother looks forlornly at their timetable. They have different homerooms, one split apart by several blocks of classes.

"I TOLD YOU TO REGISTER QUICKLY!"

"sorry, bro."

But the schedule change becomes a blessing in disguise, as it lets Sans get used to Papyrus being away from him.

Sure, the frequent check-ins and texting came in droves, but Sans seemed to get used to sending them less frequently.

And, at the end, Sans got bored of easy classes, skipping forward to join MUCK's free classes.

Meanwhile, in homeroom, Papyrus meets three skeletons that look suspiciously like him. If he hasn't grown up with Sans, Papyrus would consider them to be related.

"HELLO, MY NAME IS PAPYRUS!"

They give him a steady look, and then sigh.

"EDGE," the skeleton monster wearing a red scarf introduces himself. Papyrus can't help but think it's an apt name based on his sharp features and even sharper teeth.

"stretch," the skeleton monster wearing an orange hoodie tells him. Papyrus can't help but blink at the lowercase. He's only met one monster that spoke in lowercase – Napstablook.

And, lastly, "mutt."

"WHAT?" Papyrus hopes he misheard him.

The other skeleton startles and then blinks. "oh, right, uh. it's, um, not mutt. it's rus."

Papyrus takes in their features, their body language, and their expressions. Then, with skills trained into him, he asks an important question.

"BY ANY CHANCE," he hedges carefully, "DO YOU ALSO HAVE AN OLDER BROTHER THAT SEEMS TO SUFFER FROM BEING UNABLE TO MAKE PROPER CONNECTIONS WITH HIS PEERS DESPITE BEING A SOCIABLE CHARACTER?"

The surprise, suspicion, and confusion that shows on their face confirms it. Papyrus inwardly questions his existence for a second. How is it possible to have four sets of skeletons that seem similar to each other? How strange and... ah, magical. Yes, magic is always the answer. Maybe they're simply alternate universe copies of himself, except they share the same world.

"BY THE WAY, MY BROTHER IS ATTENDING MUCK," he tells them, circling around their questioning gazes. "I ASKED HIM TO MAKE A CLUB, BUT I DOUBT THAT HE'S DOING AS HE'S TOLD. HE'S MOST LIKELY NAMED IT SOMETHING EMBARRASSING TO PREVENT ANYONE FROM JOINING."

"...ARE YOU ASKING US TO SET UP A PLAYDATE FOR OUR BROTHERS?" Edge makes a face, and then it falls. "THAT MIGHT BE A GOOD IDEA."

"yeah, sounds like a good idea," Stretch agrees, "my brother’s been trying to make friends."

"...i'll ask my brother," Rus mumbles. "he might want to make connections."

Papyrus gains three friends in one day.

When he discovers the name of the club, he shows it to his friends.

Edge balks at the name, Stretch starts laughing, and Rus joins him.

"THE DUNCE KLERB? WAS YOUR BROTHER DRUNK WHEN HE WROTE IT DOWN?"

"HE SUBMITTED AN ELECTRONIC COPY," Papyrus answers dryly.

"he..." Stretch snorts, "he did it deliberately. man, your brother's club name needs a reward."

Papyrus turns to Rus.

"n-n-no, this name," he stammers, "m-my bro's gonna go nuts!"

"AT LEAST READ THE DESCRIPTION!" Papyrus insists.

"WELL, THAT DESCRIPTION SOUNDS PROMISING, EXCEPT FOR THE PART WHERE HE WANTS THEM TO PRACTISE DUNCING."

Rus and Stretch laugh like Sans' pun is the best thing they've heard in weeks. Papyrus sighs and then takes out his second ammunition: the newspapers in his bag.

"HERE, PLEASE READ THIS!"

His friends look over the newspapers, and Papyrus finally sees the expression he wants from them: awe and disbelief.

"dude, your brother's a genius!" Stretch exclaims, pointing at the newspaper. "he made this when he was, like, eight years old!" Papyrus puffs out his chest in pride. Yes, his brother even received the first prize for the science competition.

"your brother was the one who made those exotic foods?" Rus shuffles over to hand him back the newspapers. "my brother loves those. he can't seem to stop secretly buying glamburgers."

"YOUR BROTHER HELPED OUT WITH THE MISSING DOGS CASE?" Edge sputters. "HOW CAN HE—WHY—HOW DID HE EVEN KNOW?"

"OH, WELL, MR. RUFF LIKES TO CHECK IN ONCE IN A WHILE," Papyrus tells him. He takes back his newspapers and returns them to his bag. "WE'RE FRIENDS WITH HIS BONDED, LADY FREESIA—ERM, THAT IS, MRS. GLADE, I SUPPOSE."

"MR. RUFF—YOU MEAN THE HEAD OF INTELLIGENCE?! HIS WIFE IS THE BEST INTIMATE HEALER IN KINSLAND!"

Rus leans forward. "you know his wife? how?"

"OH, WELL, THE FLOWER LADIES WERE MY BABYSITTERS." Papyrus smiles at the memory, remembering the time Sans told them to sit down with him. "SANS TAUGHT THEM TO WRITE WITH ME SO I WOULDN'T FEEL ALONE WHEN I STARTED LEARNING MONSTER'S COMMON LANGUAGE."

Stretch chokes on a fry. "dude, you and your brother grew up with intimate healers and the monster head of intelligence? what the hell did you do?"

"SANS ALREADY KNEW THEM! HE BEFRIENDED THEM AGES AGO BY ACCIDENT, WHICH LED TO ME BEING INTRODUCED TO THEM, AND THEN WE NEVER REALLY STOPPED BEING BABIED BY THEM. WELL, ME. SANS SEEMS TO BE TREATED LIKE AN OLDER MONSTER SINCE HE WAS EMANCIPATED EARLY."

"papyrus, my brother has to join this club if i can't," Rus fervently tells him. "my brother would kill to have connections like that."

"honestly, i want to ask him if he also knows the monster head of science. the guy in the picture looks at him like he knows him, you know? but blue would love this club regardless. he likes making friends."

"MY BROTHER WOULD MOST LIKELY DRAG HIS FEET IF I ASKED," Edge admits. "I CAN’T BE SURE WITH HIM, SINCE HE LIKES TO BE CONTRARY AT TIMES. BUT I'M SURE HE'LL JOIN FOR THE STUPID NAME BEFORE HE JOINS FOR ANY DUNCING."

"THERE'S NO NEED TO GO THAT FAR," Papyrus sighs. "I'LL MAKE SURE TO INVITE MY BROTHER TO MEET ALL OF YOU."

His new friends seem to really enjoy that idea. Papyrus can't understand why. His babysitters and their bondeds seem normal to him. They're his good friends, and they act like family.

[aliensandanxiety]

So in regards to the pirate AU I have 3 ships in mind. Parts 3 and 4 are combined and all parts are occurring concurrently.

The Stardust Crusader: Old Joseph is the captain, Joot is first mate, Avdol, Smokey and Polnareff are there as permanent crew, Josuke, Okuyasu and Mikitaka are crew that are hired at port and Kakyoin and Caesar are mermen that hang around near to the ship (more so Kakyoin, Caesar is just around for Joseph in private) and provide some support. Miktaka is a mimic octopus merman who disguises himself as human to remain a part of the crew. Josuke is still Joseph's illegitimate son, Joseph knows this, Josuke does not.

--

The Vento Aureo is Giorno's ship, Giorno is the captain and Bruno is first mate but has a lot of authority. All of the Bucci gang including Trish are the crew. They kidnap Okuyasu as leverage for a map that they know is on the Stardust Crusader.

--

The Stone Ocean is a small ship captained by the female pirate Jolyne, with Hermes as first mate, Weather Report and Anasui as the tiny skeleton crew. Foo is a mermaid that has befriended them. Jolyne is still Jotaro's daughter but he ran away to sea and she barely knows him. They team up with the Stardust Crusader because they know they won't get good treasure without negotiation.

--

Jonathan is still a merman that is nearby and Joseph lost his hand/Caesar his life to the pillar men who are also mermen. I'll introduce them somewhere.

--

Dio is a commander in the Navy who is greedy and wants to put a stop to the Joestar pirates.

---

This is what we have so far haha. Maybe Rohan can be on the Stardust Crusader as a mapmaker.

[novankenn]

Plague Doctors (2)

Arthur D’Rivere sat in the command chair of his gunship, looking at a set of screens situated before him. It had been a fortnight since he sent his “message”, and his group was closing in on the chosen target. He had delayed his actions. A vain hope that the horror he unleashed on the Haligan space station would finally shock both sides into serious negotiations, instead of the cock measuring pissing contests they usually became. Once again, he had overestimated the pure stubborn nature of the Haligans and his own species.

About him, a skeleton crew worked. Checking systems, and sensor arrays. The remainder of his small but efficient crew in their bunks, resting up until the time D’Rivere’s horrific actions would take place. The soft click of heels upon the metal decking told him of her approach. She was the lynch pin in all of his actions. Her vast and detailed chemical knowledge, giving rise to the chemical weapon attacks the Plague Doctor’s were known for. Though, D’Rivere couldn’t understand her need to wear high heels.

“Dr. Carver.” D’Rivere greeted his visitor. “I thought you would be resting. It is still some hours until the assault.”

Dr. Eloise Carver was an average looking woman. Average height. Average weight. Shoulder-length red hair pulled back into a messy ponytail. D’Rivere would call her homely. She was dressed casually, with a long lab coat draped over her civilian wear.

“Can’t sleep.” she replied.

“Why?” D’Rivere asked. “Worried your chemical abomination will not work?”

“No, that’s not it.” she responded. “It will work, but on this scale I’m not sure how effective of how fast the reaction will be.”

“Then what’s bothering you?” D’Rivere asked as he checked his screen for the umpteenth time, still planning out how his small squad of craft will crack the orbital defenses and deliver their deadly payload.

“The escalation.”

“It’s necessary.”

“Is it?”

“I wish it wasn’t.” D’Rivere admitted.

“Then, why, go through with this? Why not continue with actions against just military targets?” Dr Carver looked over his shoulder at the video screen showing an image chosen target. She wasn’t even sure the small mining planetoid was named. Haligan expansion in the wake of hostilities between them and Humans far out paced the ability of Haligan forces to erect effective defenses of the multiple industrial and civilian outposts and settlements that had cropped up.

“Because they need a monster.” D’Rivere replied.

“I don’t see why that it is important.”

“It’s simple. The Haligans are committing wholesale slaughter. Do we agree on this?”

“Yes.” Dr. Carver hissed. Memories of her destroy life. The loss of her partner during a Haligan raid, a festering wound in her heart.

“And do you agree that even as tenacious, driven and stubborn as we humans are, there are some acts we are in general unwilling to commit?”

“Okay.”

“The Haligans need to be shown that there are humans that are capable of committing the same atrocities they have… but on a more…”

“Brutally vindictive scale?”

“That’s an apt description.”

“I still don’t see the…”

“Why did you join me, more to the point, why are you assisting in my mission, if you don't understand the larger goal?”

“They need to pay.” Dr. Carver replied, her voice growing hostile and dark. “They need to be hurt like they hurt us. They need to pay!”

“You’re in it for revenge.” D’Rivere took a minute to pulled out and light a cigarette. “That’s fair, more than, actually. But…”

“But?”

“As much as they deserve to pay. Both sides need a monster. A being so vile that they can only sue for peace in an attempt to appease it.” D’Rivere inhaled and then exhaled a puff of smoke through his nose. 

“Hence wholesale slaughter, like the Haligans are committing.”

“No… industrial slaughter, the likes the Haligans have never witnessed.” D’Rivere informed the Doctor standing beside him. “They seem to need to see the death they inflict first hand. To watch the terror of their victims. I’m not sure why.”

“The illusion of power?”

“The illusion of superiority, would be my guess.” D’Rivere replied. “Who really knows why they choose to be so personal in their slaughter.”

“I’m assuming you want to show them… that Humanity isn’t the same.”

“No, I’m going to prove it to them. On an impersonal industrial scale.”

Dr. Carver stood there, silently, next to the commander seated in his chair. He had given her some tidbits to consider. Ideas, and concepts her vengeance tainted heart had never considered. For the hurt she had suffered, she had only wanted to hurt the aggressors back, but now… now she was beginning to understand the motivations of D’Rivere. He was determined to show the Haligans the type of monsters Humans could become. Impersonal, industrial, and innovative.

“It will work. Once the shells penetrate into the lower atmosphere… the shells will burst, disbursing the reagent into the air. The reaction will be exothermic, catalyzing the reaction further…”

“And the very air they need will become death.”

“It will.”

“Any chance of escape? For them to weather the attack and survive?”

“No. The atmosphere will become be chemically converted at the atomic level into gaseous acid. It will devour everything… even the planetoid, given enough time.”

D’Rivere just nodded. Crushing out his cigarette, his tired face grew cold and stonelike. He leaned forward and touched a simple yellow colored button. Instantly, the General Quarters alarm blared through the ship. The crew of the “Regretful Purpose” leapt into action. Within moments, the command room was a buzz with activity.

“I should get out of your way.” Dr. Carver commented as she nodded her head at D’Rivere and stepped away.

“Helm turn us perpendicular to the target. Fire control, bring the guns into firing position.”

D’Rivere waited a full five seconds before issuing his next command. “Fire when ready.”

/==/

The Treaty negotiations room was in an absolute uproar as the most recent action of the Plague Doctors came to light. The Haligans Republic was aghast and deranged by the attack upon a mainly civilian target. In response, they had pulled back a portion of their sizable fleet and scrambled to move into defensive positions of similar settlements and facilities.

The Human Confederacy was horrified, at the slaughter. The attack left nothing behind. There were no bodies. No salvage. Nothing but a slowly disintegrating planetoid. The theories ran rampant with in their own military command, on how D’Rivere and his small ragtag force was able to enact such an attack. It was wholesale death and destruction on an industrial scale.

“We DEMAND the Confederacy do more than just condemn this attack!” the Haligan representative screamed across the table at the Human representative. “These Plague Doctors NEED to be stopped! We will allow such aggressive and destructive actions to continue.”

“Then… maybe you should lead by example.” the Human representative responded. His voice hard, and cold; even as his mind reeled at the aftermath of the assault. “You cry to us about wholesale slaughter, yet you COMMIT similar atrocities!”

“We use honorable…”

“You slaughter unarmed civilians and surrender soldiers! There is no Honor in such actions, so stop deluding yourselves!” the Human representative was disgusted by the actions of his fellows, but deep inside his heart he knew this was but a reaction to the Haligan extermination tactics. But he was also afraid. The last reports from Military command were troubling.

“How…”

“Just fucking shut up!” the Human representative snapped.

“Please!” the Calthian moderator pleaded. “Please, let cooler heads prevail!” 

/==/ Original Works /==/