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diari0deglierrori · 1 year ago

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#ok that was a quick text #test #but it doesn’t mean I won’t retry tomorrow #gnight!#it sucks so much I’ll even tag it #to remind myself how stupid I am #tananai

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whumperfultime · 7 months ago

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*white-knuckling the bathroom sink while staring into the mirror and speaking through gritted teeth* Your writing does not have to be medically accurate to be good or enjoyable. You are not a medical professional and neither are most of your potential readers. How about Make-Believe Land has literally anything that you want. PLEASE JUST STOP OVERTHINKING AND WRITE THE WHUMP

#phoenix whumps #< new tag for original posts hopefully #anyway i am trying to write for june of doom and i am Struggling with perfectionism #i'm frozen with the worry that people with medical knowledge will think i'm dumb and my writing is stupid :(#it helps a little bit to remind myself of how many medically inaccurate shows/movies out there are still beloved by many

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shannonsketches · 6 months ago

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He said "Fuck this shit, I'm out" I'm crying. Toriyama's Vegeta was so top shelf 🤌

(From Neko Majin Z Chapter 5!)

#dbtag #Idk why Toei didn't lean into Vegeta being a version of Piccolo you could put in funnier situations like Toriyama wrote #He's reserved and professional and proud but JUST immature enough to bite down on a gag that Piccolo would readily swerve #But they take a lot of Goku's chaotic comedy away too in favor of Hero(tm) writing and that is why I keep pulling my hair out aklsjdlas #Toriyama was sO funny and it bums me out so much that the anime derailed how lighthearted and straight up silly the humor is #and replaced it with Misogyny Is Funny and humiliation kinks asjklfhadjk and it's not just my complaints about Vegeta and Bulma!!#“Goku is running away from his very reasonable wife because he is a goofy little guy who doesn't want to do his chores” becomes #“Chichi is Cruel to Goku who is Trying to be a good husband because she doesn't relate to his passions and vilifies him for having them"#which is not their dynamic at all but dudes in the writing room are like “being married is fucking awful amirite fellas hahaha”#but Toriyama was like “Being married is not for everybody but it can be really great if you and your partner are on the same page”#Chichi's reasonable! And Goku isn't romantically wired but Goku can enthusiastically consent to sex and still not enjoy kissing #those things can be and are true for a lot of people! And it makes even more sense if you hc Goku to be aspec (and audhd coded) like I do #Kissing can feel gross and can be a sensory overload for many folks. Doesn't mean they're stupid or innocent.#(although Goku CAN still ride nimbus so idk what Pure entails in this universe askljad)#Like I am the FIRST person to joke and drag Goku about his marriage as an aspec myself but like legit Goten is a Last Night On Earth baby #He knows what sex is. But also between how socially removed Goku is and how Shy and Conservative Chichi it's not out of line #to assume the actual words sex and kiss have never been spoken in that house skljdlajdf I FULLY believe Chichi uses code words #Chichi thinks her son being blonde makes him a delinquent and still uses honorifics with Goku like it is fully reasonable to assume #that the joke of Goku's naivetè centers around the fact that his wife is too embarrassed to talk about Certain Matters in a normal way #While Bulma and Vegeta are slutty hedonistic cityfolk who need jesus (according to chichi probably...and me but I support them)#anyway. point is. Toriyama was funny as hell and Nekomajin is absolutely ridiculous and goofy and has a fully amoral main character #which just reminded me that toei is allergic to letting goku be a gremlin and so vegeta's not allowed to be a gremlin wrangler #even though that's been his job since the day he met raditz alksdjaskljd

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rebornofstars · 2 months ago

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nobody fucking touch me rn i went to see tf one in the cinema and im shaking. they actually made a good transformers movie. what the fuck

#time to go home and read the entirety of jro's mtmte and lost light again ig #what the FUCK i was not expecting it to be actually fucking stunning. that's MY loser dumpster fire of a children's toy franchise how did t #ey actually make it . good #really good #five out of five stars. when elita said “you dont have the touch or the power” i fucking choked #obviously it is only going to mire the canon more because of the changes to megatron's backstory (no gladiators 😔) & lack of allspark plot #but i dont even fucking care. dont even touch me rn i cant ever get over this #broken friendships & corruption arcs are THE SHIT and they did this one better than i was expecting #when pax fell like a falling star... primus itself opened to him...#ratchet cameo! arcee cameo! jazz cameo! not to mention ALPHA TRION #i can see the war in this . i can see this . millions of years in the future they will still b fighting. orion mightve been a “pacifist” by #megatron's standards but he knows how to fight. he fights more than he should. and bee.... bee... THATS MY FUCKING NAMESAKE GUYS DONT EVEN #TOUCH ME RN. IM SHAKING. HOLY SHIT #bumblebee you are SUCH a dork. what the FUCK.#and the quintessons!!!!! i am LIVING for the art direction and the organic/inorganic imagery #those quintesson energon-hoover things reminded me of energon eaters too. & in that first shot of them entering the cave w the primes i #originally thought scraplets before i came back to myself. there's something to be said here tho.#they did a good job with the worldbuilding. suitably alien-like. exceeded expectations. that ginormous quintesson ship? i'm going insane #you can SEE the birth of the myth in this stupid fucking movie you can SEE how op becomes who he becomes. the way he grew. the way they bot #grew until they were the only person that could hold the other back . the way he is going to be irreversibly changed. d16's eyes...#that scene w starscream has a chokehold on me. i cant breathe. the way they all looked at megatron when his blaster emerged #the fight scenes #ELITA ONE !!!#AIRACHNID !!!!#honest to god though i must confess that the first coherent thought i had about this movie was “oh they made him so cunty” . abt pax. i #am so sorry #but okay okay okay i . they were amica endura at the beginning. at the least. i'm. AKHRERJGH #tf one #me when megatron ascended out of iacon & he was the only land vehicle amid a swarm of planes. me when the SYMBOLISM #🐝

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kiawren · 4 months ago

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Something something Wren saying he'd propose to Kiawe with the Ring of Fire.

#I think I am so genius for this #Was writing some shitty poem and wrote “the Ring of Fire would be around your finger.” WOW KIND OF SURPIRSED MYSELF WITH THAT ONE #It's so kiawren becuz the ring of fire is known as where there are many volcanoes and there's a tectonic reason behind it #Not only is it a 'ring' but if I say that I mean it with all the desire and dedication of the volcanoes of the world #Reminder that he loves volcanoes #Kiawren #I love kiawren #I don't care how this would work in the pkm.n world #He will be subjected to my reality becuz I can ground our love to so many larger things like mythologies and this kind of stuff #HOW IS HE NOT REAL I NEED TO SAY THIS TO HIM I WANT TO KNOW HIS REACTION FUCK MY STUPID BAKA LIFE #Wren chirping

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arsenicflame · 4 months ago

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genuinely, how do you learn to cope with the idea you'll have mental health issues for the rest of your life? how to you learn to find peace with the fact that rock bottom is always going to be just around the corner and theres nothing you can really do to stop it?

#i guess this is rhetorical but also if you have genuine tips i probably do want to hear them #im trying to adopt a 'be happy now because youll be sad later' attitude but some days its so hard to deal with the idea ill never be fully #in control. ill never be fullt stable. something will always set me off. ill always downswing #im at peace with the idea that whatevers wrong in my head is for life i just need to figure out how to be content knowing itll always be #bad again.#id like it to be easier #nyxtalks #idk stupid shit sent me panicking and the lingering effects have me catastophising and near crying about things that literally dont exist #its just in my head. i am seeing something that isnt there and i must remind myself that #and this is by no means a bad day in the scheme of things for me either #i just had a few awful thoughts #but it reminds me of how bad i get #idk its not that serious its fine #im gonna. maybe try and find something positive in the world now and stop thinking things that arent even true

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p2ii · 9 days ago

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#brooo how do you join small fandoms that operate as established friend groups as a newcomer I've only been on the “establishing” end 😭#like toku//twt is so hostile save for certain mutual circles idk how to integrate myself anywhere #doesn't help that I've had no energy for drawing lately to maybe get ppl to interact first #maybe I should try do smth for the next gavv episode...#I would like to just talk to ppl directly but I've only watched 2 seasons and am shy. plus there's so many random rude ppl #that many accs limit replies anyway. fuck my stupid Baka life #I crave... human connection XO *dies of embarrassment*#I'll just try posting more w keywords for now #I don't wanna start too many new kr seasons if I can't discuss them w ppl while doing so cause the excitement is too much to be alone w #in the meantime I might pick up android kikaider after finishing w tho so I have smth to do #plus I've been meaning to get into showa era toku anyway that was like... the whole point originally #man this reminds me of how I need to interact w spg more too. I have so many cool spg moots I'm in a limbo between coexisting and wanting t #befriend #aauadhkf the mortifying ideal of being knownnn #psii.txt

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todayisafridaynight · 9 months ago

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getting wigs for characters with the same hair color as myself make me feel like the biggest dumbass around but youd have me fucked thinking im burdening myself with daigos 2000's emo cut just for a weekend

#snap chats #a weekend is generous im only going to the con on saturday #i like how im making it sound like anime nyc is this weekend when its at the end of august LMAO BUT NO LISTEN #unfortunately beauty influencers have finally done their job right and this one guy was reviewing an eyebrow pencil #but the twist is that this pencil was like. SUPPPER STUPID FINE im talkin .08mm and he demonstrated how it could imitate stubble #SO OF COURSE. my ass wanted to see for myself cause as much as i like my sponge-stippling method its not super precise #and that shit gets annoying when most of it looks fine but then i press too hard or i angle the sponge wrong and now i gotta start over #In Any Case the pencil i got did exactly as i hoped and its actually p fun putting on LMAO. i prefer how it looks too #anyway how this all relates to this post. im probably gonna go as y2 daigo again for anime nyc in august #and I Repeat im not cutting my hair for that LMAO so. Wig 😩#i like it when i cosplay him cause i just go by his actual design cause if i even breathe near skinny jeans ill wanna kms #also i just like to be as accurate as i can be yk. plus the leather pants i have are cozy and theyre one of my fave pairs of pants 🤤#in any case. whenever that wig comes in ermmmmm i dont trust myself to take pictures 😞 my selfie game is dick #maybe ill stream yk2 LMAO but anyway. good night i think im gonna force myself to sleep now #i got back to my dorm like four hours ago or whatever and i am not looking forward to doing school shit again. alongside comm shit #OH WELL we ball good night #wait before i Good Night cackling as i have my meds next to my aoki tablet and plush #great reminder honestly. Take Your Meds Or You'l Convince Yourself To Be A Republican #ok goodnight fr now im gonna giggle and kick my feet thinking of cosplay

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mars-ipan · 3 months ago

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i have my first infusion tomorrow and the Anxiety is kicking in and i am trying so so hard to keep it calm

#marzi speaks #marzivents #EASY boy down boy it’s okay #i’m stressed bc i don’t know if i should bring any paperwork. or medication #(i’m gonna bring some of my meds in a purse just in case)#i don’t know what questions my rheum’s gonna ask #i don’t know what i’m going to do in terms of getting food #will the hospital provide a meal or will i have to request it from outside #i don’t know if my mom will be with me the whole time or just drop me off or if she’ll stay for some of it and then leave #i don’t even know what the infusion center looks like #all i know is that i’m gonna sit with a needle in my arm for 4-6 hours and that i should respond well to it #and my anxiety stems from Not Knowing i HATEEEE not knowing things #uuuuggghhhh it’ll be fine. it’ll be fine. the staff at that hospital are lovely and used to helping stressed kids #so they can help if i have an anxiety attack #and it wouldn’t be embarrassing bc i went through a traumatic experience and these people help people for a living #so it’s gonna be fine. but i hate that i don’t know how it works #will i be in my own little room for a little bit? i imagine not. is there any privacy?#or am i just going to be sitting with a bunch of other people getting chemo?#i don’t KNOW. i don’t know and i really don’t like it #but i need to go to sleep soon. but i still have this stupid insomnia even though i’m tired #probs gonna have to warn my mom that i’m gonna be a little neurotic tomorrow. bc i hate this anticipation actually it makes me feel awful #and like with the follow-up with my rheumatologist that’s also gonna be happening #what kind of questions will she ask? what kind of things will i need to know? ohhh god #ok deep breaths. relax. it is late and i am tired and therefore more prone to catastrophizing #i do know this doctor. i know she is kind and patient. this is not a test. it’s going to be okay #gotta remind myself that it’s gonna be okay. do my cyclical breathing and try to relax physically #the mental will follow as the fatigue sets in #okay. okay. we’re a little calmer. still not Plussed but we’re okay #gonna try to get sleepy now

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jrueships · 1 year ago

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tbh tho i think my art is fugly af LMFAO

#not in a '>w< eeeek! i wish i could drawww 🥺 i can only cobble such measle crap with my lowly peasant paws.. *unveils mona lisa*'#sense but like a my style makes me want to hurl whenever i look at it bcs it's a constant reminder that it can only be what i can make it be #and bcs it looks bad to me then that means i cant make things look good if u get my sense like #idk man 😭!! im just sick of being scribbly!! and not clean! i wanna ink my art! have crisp lines! dark lines!!#not have to put stupid darkening filters on everything bcs i cant color or shade so my art is just stuck with the blinding white background #well the frustration is more how i CAN color and shade.. i CAN ink my lines with a darker one #lets not excuse my laziness now cmon ted omg dumbass bitch #it's just that doing so makes me . crazy #my attention span like. crumbles when i try to add color or ink over lines bcs thats Such a commitment to me #i HATE leaving things unfinished when it seems so monumental #like unfinished sketches or prompts? fine. those are sketches. little prompts. even if u post it it's shit #but starting big things is a COMMITMENT.. with CONSEQUENCES ! ! i just want to avoid them ig #it's like im stuck between art being a fun lil past time and being a perfectionist actually so no. no it is not #but also i NEED to draw i NEED to write SOMETHING! SOMETHING!! then i realize the weight of things and purposefully hinder myself #then later hate myself for hindering even tho it felt so good and right in the beginning ORGHH or WHATEVER #idk one of my friends told me my style reminded them of the new tmnt movie (which has been praised yeah #for like beautiful ugliness tho) and like. i KNOW it's a compliment... but. why did it make me Feel 😭 like i wanted to rip my art 2 shreds #once i lined my art and my friend (an artist i admire) said smthin like 'omg finally! ted lined art! gorgeous!'#& i KNOW. I KNOW IT'S A COMPLIMENT. BUT WHY AM I THINKING LIKE. SO VIOLENT. NOT ABT THEM. BUT MY SHIT NOW #like UGHHH i just HATE feeling trapped and helpless when actually theres help available but im just DUM!! JUST LINE UR ART TED #art is like playing sport is like making good grades is like working well is like being a good friend is like being a good person #literally. just be GOOD.#it's all a performance to me ARGHARGH! I HATE THE JOKER! I HATE BEING CRINGE@! RAGGHH I HATE THIS SHIT #<- mfs when no basketball #mfw i cannot avoid enlightenment via the meaningless distractions i codepently craveRAGGHG!!!!!!1!

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twicedbyhawks · 4 months ago

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moving-to-dreamwinged · 1 year ago

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my dad came in and saw me on the couch (for the first time all day and i had literally just sat down for less than a minute when he came in) w heating pad and immediately goes "you have two options" (different chores to do) (as if i was like 10 years old and getting punished for something that i didnt even know i did wrong). what about secret third option where you treat me like an adult or i don't come home for winter next year. Lol

#.mei chats #soryr really my family is. great i need to stpo complain #i just wish theyd realize that im not incompetent #i do a really good job taking care of myself for the entire 10 months out of the year that i dont live with them #and im proud of the independence ive developed bc i worked really hard to feel ANY sort of positive feelings about myself #but they just dont recognize it at all when i come back #trying to tell me how to microwave my food and reminding me of paperwork i have to do #Thanks i literally managed the entire program tasks myself for the last 6~months but yeah you better remind me about the medical forms #or else ill totally forget and mess up the whole thing :'333 bc im just so stupid!! thakn you soooo much for taking care of me!!#<- not like ive been hypervigilant and anxious about making sure i do every little thing with it perfect #in fact there was actually an issue w one of my forms bc they made me submit it even though i didn't think it was filled out properly.#they were like “itll be fine youre overthinking” guess who got an email 3 days later saying the form was completely invalid.#god just bottom line why cantthey trust me when i say im on top of it. fucking trust me this program is my entire life right now #i am putting literally eveyr ounce of effort i've got into not ruining it. they just dont see the improvements and growth ive made at all #so frustrating bc ive worked so hard to pinpoint and fix that specifically but what can ya do #god this got long. sawry #.not f/o related

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maggot-baggage · 5 months ago

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I havent talked to my grandparents all year and seeing my grandpa try to call me made me think ohhh what if I was bein a lil bitch. Maybe I should give em a chance again. Then I found out my sibling cut them off too and that was enough to reel me back in lol fuck them

#seriously been thinking about them since I moved back bc they dont know im here #but since i started the process for goin back to school and lookin for a new job ive just been reminded #of how they literally never really helped with this and just made me feel bad for not doing it myself #and now my familys helping and supporting me and im Actually happier than i ever was living with them #AND my siblings doin the same with our dad which like. hes just as bad but theyre makin moves #its just makin me roll my eyes bc i want to talk to them and share my achievements but its not worth hearing bout how #lazy and stupid i am yk. bc if i turn it on them then im lazy stupid AND cant take criticism #whatever ill wait til i start school n find a job so i can rub it in their face #i think im allowed that at least #mag.txt

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arielluva · 7 months ago

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filled with such a deep sadness for my younger selves but there is nothing i can do to change the past, i can only move forward

#i so badly want to tell them things will be a bit better in a few years. reassure them that their feelings arent just being dramatic.#tell them they're allowed to feel the way they do and that nothing your parents say can change that #tell them that yes your parents were being stupid about a lot of things. that yes they have been mean to you. you weren't imagining it.#yes they said and didnt things they shouldn't have and you're not wrong for being hurt by it #but instead i can only tell this to myself and move on with my life #hghhhhh #reading my old diary entries and thinking about old memories has done something to me #usually i am pretty mean to my younger self (and sometimes for good reason) but. man #i got reminded of all the shit my 15 year old self put up with and i cant bring myself to hate them despite how annoying i could be #hm.

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pepprs · 2 years ago

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i will shut up abt this i promise but like. the concept of being in a stable safe mutually loving whatever relationship is INSANE . like how can you ever feel bad about yourself or wounded or whatever again. it’s like a superpower or somethi ng. <- doesn’t know what she’s taking abt bc she’s never experienced it or the absence of it after having it merely the negative space of it and is filling in the gaps w logic or something. but it’s INSANE to me. like of course i feel like shit about myself i am catcrumb unloved.jpg!

#purrs #imbeing insane about it i know it’s not that simple / reductive and i will still feel like shit abt myself once im in a relationshp (if i #get to be ♥️) and there are lots of other legitimate reasons to feel shit agtbyiurself. but it’s like no ficking wonder i feel inadequate i #am a 24 year old who lives at home and has never held a hand or whatever next to two 50sometjinf year old married men with pets and phds. of #course i am going to feel inadequate and stupid and lonely. like i canttttt 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂💀💀💀💀💀💀💀 and th w worst part is you can’t just go out into #the world saying that and looking for that it has to find you so i will not join any dating apps or whatever but i don’t fucking go anywhere #so im not going to meet anyone and i knowi am so young and stupid and just having a horrible day that is reminding me of horrors. but the #way i am mentally shoving my whole fist in my mouth. OF COURSE I FEEL LIKE SHIT I DONT HAVE A LIFE PARTNER!!!!!!!!!!!! I DONT HAVE THAT #SAFETY AND STABILITY AND TRUST AND UNCONDITIONAL LOVE!!!!!!!! AND I NEVER HAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#delete later #like this is what makes me crazy abt parents and kids too and whyi don’t think ihave kids. bc i think (and i know this is wrong / unhealthy)#it is a primal human need to be mutually someone else’s number 1 person and when you have kids it’s like you’re gonna love your partner more #than the kids and then the kids (read: me) watch that and get fucked up over it. but also that could just be me reacting to the UNSPEAKABLE #psychological damage of being a twin. which again is ridiculous bc it’s n out like abuse i just had to share something with someone else si #since before i was born and ofc there was more like actually kind of abusive stuff on top of it LOL but that aside. idk what im saying i #just feel so crazy. the amount of composure it takes me every day to not start SCREAMING with frustration and envy when i see ppl being #RIGHTFULLY DESERVEDLY visibly confident and loved. like ok valentines grinch go sit in the drainage pond forever please. but it’s so crazy #like how are you supposed to go through the world unaware of how much love you’re missing out on because you’re young and then you realize I #it and then somehow you miss the train and you are scared you are going to d*e alone ♥️ im normal

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loveydoveylex · 1 year ago

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oh my god sorry to vent again but I guess my sharing problem gets worse when my mental health in general declines, because normally again I'm super chill and able to just block doubles and move on, today however my brain decided I needed to be extra quirky and I just started crying because of it 🥲

#it REALLY makes me feel pathetic that is a FICTIONAL CHARACTER oh my gosh there is no reason for me to act like this 😭#I am crying because of some pixels on a screen!!!#it's even worse when you're self aware of how stupid it sounds UGH #also I have the problem that my brain thinks it's funny to constantly remind me about it and I end up intentionally triggering myself -_-'#sorry y'all have to see me post about this #I want to go crawl under my covers like a gremlin and be sad for a while #mine

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