#to my version of normalcy

[codgod]

okay but can he have his hair slightly messy more often. for me

[misterxsamsa]

Part One

Will write more if you want!

Okay so this is what I’m thinking: JV has used Johnny as a way to vent/tell his truths and gaslit everyone into thinking it wasn’t about him.

There are many things similar between the two: the way they look/dress (90’s mall goth), the haircut, being a cinephile, his viewpoints on humanity, his personality, etc. What I’ve gathered from posts on the internet about people who’ve met him in the 90’s, he was considered to be toxic. Which considering he was still in his teenage years/early adulthood it’s understandable. He literally looks like Johnny!

On the Johnny Twitter account, there are SO many tweets that are just JV venting or talking about things he likes. Short haired girls, talking about women all being insane (which he’s done on livestreams), his views on people, even down to just random bullshit like eating snacks and avoiding sleeping. All of those tweets are just JV. Johnny is a puppet for him to speak and vent through. And you might be going, “well, he HAS to come up with things for Johnny to say”…so why make him completely similar to himself? Surely a creative mind could come up with more.

Think about it, many panels are totally just artwork based on real life with a modification here and there. For example, Johnny laughing at a sitcom/not killing himself because he has something to watch to distract him. If that isn’t JV I don’t know what is. And if you’ve ever been there when he had literal breakdowns on stream, you’d know 1.) he used media as a distraction, clearly and 2.) he’s suicidal. Even though everyone brushes it off as a joke.

There are so many interviews and things JV has said himself that would indicate he: has a sleep disorder/is afraid of sleep, he doesn’t understand people (which Johnny doesn’t either) arrogance and hypocrisy, among other things that also indicate paranoid ideation. Which…I can’t even blame him because some of his fans are…interesting. Seriously, he fathered that whole “zomg I’m so random xD” school of thought. Disorganized thinking but make it funny and marketable I guess.

There are even interviews and I think one of them is on YouTube where an interviewer called it a joke and he looked SO pissed. If JTHM TRULY wasn’t about him, or a joke…why would he selling get angry if an interviewer said it was?

Even observing him in his livestreams, you can totally pinpoint things that make you go “Johnny would totally say that”, and “this is a symptom of [insert mental illness here], and the breakdowns everyone has already witnessed. Now, people brush it off as “everything he does is a joke”, but do you REALLY think that’s the case?

The thing about JV is that he’s the ultimate hipster: he clearly doesn’t care about being understood and wants to be seen as completely original and “too good” for things everyone else likes. He has amazing tastes sure, but *many* people do whether they like the same things or not. Hence why he also has stated he can’t stand being copied before. (Forgot where I saw that on the internet, sorry.) This is why he also hates when anyone relates to his work…because it no longer becomes personal or special. Not even because people read JTHM wrong/think it’s edgy humor/is a phase to them. And think about it…why would you care if people only use your work to LARP if you’re getting paid and it’s just a joke to you anyway? Why would you WANT them to actually get it…if it isn’t something that’s clearly important to you?

Mostly, JTHM is FULL of intrusive thoughts. Most people have them, but to an artist that gives them ideas for their artwork.

This is just SOME stuff I have written but let me know if you want more.

Anon, I will be thinking about this forever.

For my own Jhonen-esque reasons I'm allergic to getting too personal on my blogs typically, but I'm making an exception here because of the work put into this...

I've been JTHM since my formative years, and it's always been a big inspiration towards my art, writing, and interests. You can tie a good 75% of my interests back to JTHM, or the things referenced within it somehow. I've also struggled with a fuckload of mental illness since forever. So, for the longest time, I've accidentally looked towards Jhonen Vasquez as this weird litmus test standard for normalcy? He made my struggles look artistic and interesting, instead of just lame and debilitating. All while being a SEEMINGLY normal-passing dude, despite clearly having some issues. It's been hard, you know, kinda grappling with the fact that I'll probably never be able to maintain that level of presentation and seeming stability. See, I'm not a livestream kinda guy, so my exposure to him is all panels and interviews. So! Imagine my reaction upon you telling me that this guy, at fifty something, is apparently a complete dork who has suicidal breakdowns on livestream! I'm finally free!

Everybody I look up to is just as lame as I am, and I never have to worry about this ever again! ANYWAYS, ONTO THE ACTUAL ASK! I'm pulling a Jhonen and officially declaring everything I just said as an elaborate exercise in brilliant irony!

Yeah, you're right about all of this and you should say it. I've always seen Johnny as being Jhonen's borderline self-insert slash power fantasy. It's done so obviously, that his continous attempts to deny it just make it seem more obvious. Though, I'll say that before reading this I thought Johnny was perhaps a more exagerrated depiction of his personality, but maybe not as much so as I originally thought? In regards to him being perceived as rude in the 90s, I've never been able to pinpoint if he was as callous as everybody said, or just unaccustomed to interacting with people who looked up to him so much. When MCR was on its last leg as a band, I know people used to really tear into Gerard Way on forums for not having his usual energy, when he was just depressed, lol. It's probably a mix of both.

I'd love to see more of what you've written. Please never be shy about sending large essays! I love them, and that's why I write them, and subject everyone on Tumblr to my longwinded opinions.

[todayisafridaynight]

Since you mentioned it, what did you think of Speak No Evil? I was thinking of watching it myself :0

i really liked it ............ my friend scoffed at me when i told her i was watchin it so take my opinion with a grain of salt tho </3

[hollowknightinsanity]

HK:EP Fun Fact #3

Holly is the BIGGEST history geek nerd you will ever meet.

While they and Radi were sealed together, she taught them a lot of ancient history. And when I say ancient I mean Before Bugs Became Sentient And Also Human Sized. Over 60k years before the events of EP.

Because of Radi’s teachings, Holly also knows a whole lot about Draconic religion and stuff. Radi is Ymiiva’s daughter, after all; of course she’d wanna talk about her family at some point.

[redstrewn]

[marmorenshud]

I'm not pretty good at figuring out my manic states yet but one reason I think I'm in one is because I have a high mood that's pretty regularly (once or a few times a day) interrupted by intense malaise and then back to high moods

[unadulteratedsoulsweets]

A DC X DP IDEA #28

My Beloved

Imagine dis…

You know, I like misunderstandings…

I saw a bunch of prompts that Danny is the mother of Ellie and Dan who is angry and will destroy the world in the future.

I also saw a bunch of prompts of Danny and Phantom separating themselves and acting like two individual beings but having to be in proximity or else there would be consequences.

But I didn’t see anything about combining the two things…

HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE

…

Daniel “Danny” Fenton knew that he had many powers, that kept on growing and appearing at the heat of the moment. He would sometimes forget how many powers he had due to his never-ending list. He has powers that he likes to use often, like levitation, flight, intangibility, his ghostly wail, and many more… But even he has a favorite, his duplication power.

Unlike Vlad who can create multiple clones of himself to do his bidding, he can only create one.

Now don’t go on and underestimate him just because he can only create one despite Vlad making multiple and who is also a halfa.

…

His clone is unique, when he first discovered this power of his he was all alone in the house full of guns to kill him when a passing thought passed his mind. Wes was getting on his nerves with how he adamantly tried to prove that he was Phantom. He knew the consequences when the people knew the truth, especially his parents, every time he closed his eyes it always showed him and his parents at the other end of the dissecting table.

He kept on saving them, poor animal ghosts who had just stumbled through the portal. He kept on stuffing his face with his pillows just to block out the screams.

He had just blinked, one moment he was all alone and all of a sudden another appeared in front of him.

He was startled at the notion while the clone looked at him with interest.

The clone was not human-HIM per se, but it was the ghostly-HIM aka Phantom but with more ghostly attributes.

Snow white hair that seems to sway, taller by a few feet, pointed ears, fanged teeth, skin so blue, and white freckles that seem to give off a faint glow.

He tried going ghost but was unable to do so, what he can do is a weaker version of flight, intangibility, and invisibility. While Phantom got most if not all of his powers whenever he went ghost.

At first, he was ecstatic with this new power of his not only he can throw people off who are looking too deeply into Phantom’s identity and put an end to Wes’s chatter but with this new power of his he can finally have some sort of normalcy.

But after a few minutes, he began to feel fatigued and nauseous, Phantom slowly moved towards Danny and merged himself with his human half causing a faint white glow all over his body that he got used to whenever he was going ghost.

It was a few minutes, Danny thought to himself, but it was enough to not only create a separation between the kid who always hides in the bathroom or disappears whenever there is a ghost attack and a ghost kid who looks the same age as he and only appears whenever he disappears.

But it was enough.

…

Everything was great, as Phantom was able to deal with the ghosts that constantly invaded his hometown but also, he is slowly bringing his grades up from where it was before the accident. He also created an alibi for himself so people will know that both Phantom and Danny and two separate people.

Both sides were able to go on separated from each other the more time they spent separated

…

After a few days, something also began to change.

Phantom would sometimes make a joke or a quip about death or even puns that made Danny laugh. Phantom would be more serious whenever they got too far from each other, small things that made both Danny and Phantom different from one another from an outside perspective.

Both made a mental connection to each other.

Not like romantically, but more of a deep platonic love for each other.

Devotion to each of their other halves. So deep that one might double-take whenever they saw the two.

Danny loves his friends and family but even they cannot understand him ever since the day of the accident. Jazz blessed his sister’s soul, who read every book in every existence known to man and tried to help him. But the thing is, those books are for humans, not ghosts, and especially not for someone like him.

He died and came back to life knowing instinctively that something was wrong with him. He stands in between life and death. He knew he died and felt every bolt of electricity that had killed him. He who had to sit still at the dinner table listening to their parents who were supposed to love them, listened in great detail to what they would do to Phantom when they had caught him. 

But Phantom, Phantom instinctively knew how he felt and heard his thoughts. When rough days came to Danny, Phantom quietly appeared behind him and offered his silent support.

Both needed each other to live, without the other one cannot survive on their own.

Phantom, when got too far and separated from his human for far too long got reckless, angry, cold, merciless, and ruthless. Nocturn got the burnt of it despite knowing that Phantom held back.

And Danny?

Got too emotional, and detached, and has that far-away look on his face. He would space out an entire war or destruction surrounding and he still would not notice.

Both are each other’s anchor and rock. And when both become one and become Phantom together then they will be unstoppable.

…

When Danny became the Ghost King it was clear they needed to separate often due to the amount of paperwork that was left pilling when Pariah Dark was in charge.

It became domestic, Danny thought as he paused for a bit when he was trying to write a book report from the Lord of the Rings courtesy of Mr. Lancer. Add the latest guests in his room he thought as he took a look at the sleeping and cuddled up Dan and Ellie who are now freshly de-aged due to some circumstances.

When Danny tried to explain to the two halves the reason why he and Phantom seemed to separate or why he was using this power of his almost every day.

Dan and Ellie seem the only two who didn’t feel weird at his new predicament. Both de-aged ghosts after a sudden bad melting episode and the start of someone’s redemption arc called human Danny is their mom while Phantom is their dad.

Danny at first surprised at the title given by the two but asked playfully to the twins why is he the mom. Phantom who was trying to cuddle the two de-aged ghosts whom he saw as his children at this point and his human counterpart mumbled about whether was it the time when he went and juggled flaming diapers or mastered the art of the 'mom stare' that could freeze a room?

Danny who is still in a bad mood from Dash’s bullying earlier snarked back at Phantom on how he got the dad title. Did he accidentally perfect the art of 'dad dancing' during ghostly gatherings? or accidentally stumble into a dad joke competition?

Sam, often would joke that if she didn’t know better, she would think the two would be lovers which would be found in Paulina’s A03 account and history.

Now that spread like wildfire, it spread faster than Wes could say Danny is Phantom. Now both GIW and his parents are out to get him for two different reasons… One Phantom mind controlled their precious son and now locked up Danny for his “own good” and two he was called a so-called “traitor” to his race as he fell in love with a creature who was not even sentient.

As things slowly went out of hand, Danny had to physically drag Phantom, who had been clawing and gripping to Danny like a lifetime ever since Danny told him to stay at the Infinite Realms for their safety, to a portal with the two children who have their eyes puffed red as they say their farewells to each other.

…

The JL is now confused, they kept seeing the same teen on the loose that appeared in various cities such as Metropolis, Central, Star City, and many more, with various government agents tailing him and trying to capture him.

At first, they thought it was another of Walker’s programs, in which they kidnap various kids who have a powerful meta ability to be part of a group that directly answers to the government.

But when it was revealed that he is another son of Bruce Wayne, it became personal.

Could it be another ploy to gain the Wayne enterprise through a much older and miniature appearance of Bruce Wayne, is it another ploy to gain Bruce Wayne’s wealth and money… They might never know.

…

Batman aka Bruce Wayne publicly announced that he had found another son who was rummaging in the trash of Gotham City, this way those mysterious agents could not publicly go after him as Danny had been publicly broadcasted and the manor is equipped with the latest security known to man.

Danny is very skittish the Batfam concluded, as if every move and twitch they made is something Danny should be wary of. Danny was too distracted to be sad, and have little to no energy to even join Dick and the rest of his siblings to bond over something.

However, that didn’t stop them from forming some sort of familial bond with Danny despite him being too guarded and too wary to get close to the family.

However, it all changed on a random day, as the entire noticed his change of mood. No longer the wariness, anxiety, and nervousness they encountered daily. Each of them began asking around within themselves if they were the one who made a change to Danny, even Alfred didn’t know who or what made him turn a 180.

Of course, when they tried to ask COUGH to interrogate COUGH Danny, he just kept quiet and smiled shyly.

..

Night comes and all the Bats are gathered at the cave to discuss what made Danny to be in a good mood before their patrol.

As they were just about to leave for their shift when Oracle notified them Danny leaving the manor.

Of course, all of them immediately followed him and followed him to a tall abandoned building with Danny sitting giddily on top of the said building. Of course, some of them have some dark thoughts about Danny sitting on top of a warehouse and seeming near the edge. One of the Bat broods is ready to interfere if Danny even makes any signs.

But all thoughts were thrown out as a crack seemed to tear through reality appeared behind Danny, Danny on the other hand looked ecstatic. As the tear/ crack opened up there they saw an underworldly being donned with a crown that is covered in various jewels, an outfit and cape fit for an emperor, and eyes that reminded them of the Lazarus pits.

Just as the moment they tried to calm their hearts down, Danny flung himself towards the unknown being and cried out beloved, the said being caught Danny and twirled him around.

Both are in their little world as they both keep laughing and hugging each other.

The Bat family who are still in the shadows kept their eyes on the two as they wanted to get Danny away from someone that made their instincts go haywire. Batman and Robin are both especially to grab Danny away from that thing.

Both the being and Danny finally settled down and began chatting to each other with little to no distance between the two. The being then summoned a basket that was full of unique and exotic food and then shared it with their new brother.

Then Danny suddenly asked about the kids, What kids!!! EVERYONE thought when suddenly two black blurs went and tackled Danny down, knocking the air out of him.

As the kids stopped hugging Danny, they all held their breaths, they looked like the perfect copy of Danny. Black hair and blue eyes, both kids exclaimed Danny as their mom while they pouted at the being and called him dad about hoarding their mom.

The reunited “family” began chatting about how they were at each other, more on the beings asking how Danny is especially doing.

Danny chatted about how the Waynes are too good for him and how he informed Batman since the Bats have a very close relationship with the Waynes. When one of the kids why mom needs to talk to Batman, Danny just casually reveals a bombshell on the Anti-Ecto laws, GIW, The Infinite realms...etc. So that both mom and dad could get together again, as mom aka Danny is trying everything to stop the war from the living world while their dad tries to stop the war from the Realms.

As they were chatting and catching up to one another, Danny looked at his wristwatch and told the kids that he had to get going or else the Waynes might notice that he snuck out. Both kids immediately cried and gripped Danny while the other being also known as dad didn’t even try to pry the kids off from Danny as he too wanted to stay with the human.

Of course, Danny gently pried off the three hands that were gripping and immediately one of the kids threw a tantrum at how Danny was not safe and might get him killed if he stayed there and Danny should just go with them. Of course, Danny shook his head and told the kid that Mommy was doing everything he could to protect both of them also he might not want to admit it in front of the Wayne but he did grow on them, like a fungus he can’t remove.

And so, the trio left the building after one last look and hug from Danny, Danny immediately lost the small life and cheerfulness that he had when he was meeting them and silently went back to the manor.

…

This made the Bat clan scramble to fix everything, all the while competing for the favorite uncle and aunt title while both Bruce and Alfred engage in their silent war for the grandpa title, when they showed their findings to the League both Booster Gold and the Flask stood up white as paper.

They claimed at the picture of Danny, that he may be the one who destroyed the future, but looked a little confused as some traits that they remembered were not on Danny which made them speculate that maybe he grew into. But when the two-time travelers explained in great detail his appearance, it matched the appearance of their nephew.

Is this the reason why Dan turned evil, humans have killed his family leaving him both angry and devastated that he let the world know of his pain?

…

PS: If someone out there wants to continue or make a fic about this you are free to do so, don’t forget to tag me though.

PPS: As you can see, I posted a bit early, I got a bunch of people to do and things to see. So uhh, bye-bye!

PPPS: This one got too long for my liking...

[gallierhouse]

“is armand a coward?” “is he insane?” “is he smart or stupid?” “is he honest?” IS HE BORING THO? the only question is he boring?????

I know you’re being silly, but I have actually written about this before. Multiple times, actually. But my organizational system is so bad I have no idea where any of those posts are. It’ll be in the tag somewhere if you want to look. I’ll sum it up here, though.

Armand both is and isn’t boring. In a vacuum, he’s an interesting person. He’s 500 years old and he’s got no hobbies to speak of besides gardening and torture. He’s got a penchant for v-necks. He led a cult and burnt people alive and then he led another cult and had them murder people on stage every night for a hundred years. He used to wander museums at night. He has a large collection of sunglasses. He’s been following a painting of him paid for with his body for 500 years but he never took it home or destroyed it. He’s surprisingly adept at real estate for someone who lived an ascetic lifestyle for 200 years. He’s got neat handwriting. He doesn’t have a real accent. He’s numbered his memories chronologically. So all that’s interesting. Even if he were actually a soft, beige pillow, he’d still be interesting by virtue of having lived five centuries. But Louis finds him boring because Armand’s always trying to please him. Armand has an idea of what Louis wants (“not Lestat”), so everything he does is designed to not be Lestat, and to fulfill the submissive role in their D/S relationship. By being who he thinks Louis wants him to be, he makes himself boring. He’s not actually boring, but Louis only ever gets to see the boring version of him, because it’s all he’ll ever show Louis. He’s always modulating his behavior to meet the expectations of the people he wants approval from, which makes him boring to that person. It’s boring if someone only ever does what you want and what you say. “You can pick what we have for dinner, I don’t mind” every night for 77 years. It’s boring!

Armand’s not boring. He’s just backed himself into a corner that makes everyone he wants approval or attention from see him as boring. It’s a silly problem to have. Louis would probably be more attracted to him if he showed the side of himself he shows to Lestat. But Armand’s so devoted to pretending to be a civilized, well-adjusted person who isn’t violent and isn’t unstable and isn’t selfish and isn’t anything like Lestat, and isn’t anything besides stable and safe and patient and kind and loving, that he’s filed off his own edge. You can see him compartmentalize it. He hunts alone. He leaves the penthouse. That’s something he does for himself. The only time he allows himself to be whoever he really is without the expectation of someone else, and it’s out of sight for both the viewer and Louis. He declaws himself for the sake of others, and he’s naturally hurt when people say things like, “Where are your claws? Why don’t you have claws? You’re boring!” It’s a mean thing to say to someone who spends all their time and energy attempting to be interesting to you, even if their method is self-defeating and stupid. I think Armand might think of himself as boring, though. But his metric for what’s normal and abnormal is so far removed from any conceivable standard of normalcy it’s not really a valid opinion to hold. He’s silly, okay?

[anemoiashifts]

The age changing debate from a twenty three year old Reality Shifter.

⭑.ᐟ recently ive seen a ton of arguments on shiftok of what’s okay / what isn’t okay to do in your desired reality regarding aging yourself up or down to date characters or have certain experiences like going to high school, going to college, reliving your childhood, etc.

when you shift you are fully embodying that version of yourself. when you shift you are everything you intended to be. you have that mentality. you have a certain set of experiences under your belt that make up your desired reality self.

by throwing around words like p3d0 & placing that onto adult shifters for expressing they’d like to be friends & date characters they’ve liked since they were children, it diminishes the meaning of that word. it also makes the community incredibly ageist; like there’s a certain amount of time people have to shift or else they can’t shift there. thus, creating unnecessary pressure for people to shift within a “certain amount of time”.

some people just want to re-live their schooling who didn’t have a good time due to bullying. some people want to befriends their favorite characters so age themselves appropriately & accordingly when they do so with non-malicious intentions because they didn’t shift / were unaware of the idea of shifting as children & still hold these places closely to their hearts. in the same breath, minors will age themselves up & have adult experiences & nobody questions it.

keeping what I just said in mind, not everyone wants to shift to date. some people have no romantic intentions for when they shift. someone people are aromantic or asexual, like myself. when people say “shifting for ____” it doesn’t always mean romantically. it could mean “shifting for” a comfort character. it could mean “shifting for” platonic love. when people say “im shifting for draco malfoy” — he could be their brother in their desired reality or their dad or their best friend. not everything is inherently s3xu4l & that’s on you if your brain goes there when adults mention shifting for someone.

aging yourself down isn’t just reserved for media that includes minors. shifting can aid in re-living stages of life trauma free. it can help people — both adults & children — who would’ve liked to live a live of normalcy instead of what they have experienced in this reality.

i can guarantee that minors who are so hellbent on saying “adults can’t shift to places like harry potter because hogwarts is a school for children” & “aging up characters to date them is wrong” who will go on to still not have yet shifted into their adulthood / later in life will change their minds really fast once they turn eighteen & then nineteen & so on. by telling people it is wrong to do something in your desired reality, that is policing people’s desires realities weather you like it or not — something the community has agreed is unproductive because it’s your desired reality & not anyone else’s.

do i agree with certain things that ive seen people wanting to do ? no. but do i vocalize that & add onto the dozens of others parroting my thoughts when that person clearly has their heart set on doing something in their desired reality a certain way. why would i ? calling them out & trying to persuade them won’t do anything. they probably have seen the debates of “is this wrong or right” already. at the end of the day, people will do whatever they want despite others trying to influence that. im focused on my shifting journey, not making sure everyone else is going by the book because there is no book when it comes to shifting. if i took the time to tell people online everything I disagreed with on this app that i came across, i would have zero life outside of social media & severely neglect my own shifting journey in addition to mental health.

[beachf4gz]

I recently was able to restart my adhd meds after a few months of them being out of stock so I have been reading wayyy more DE fanfic again, and something I find kind of interesting is how prominant certain in-game choices are in regards to Harry's fanon characterisation. I understand why the communist route and sorry-cop copotype are by far the most common ways ppl write Harry- I think most people playing the game end up identifying with those dialogue options and therefor end up following those routes (and its a fairly big time commitment to replay with the intention of seeing all the different route you could take)- but I do sometimes really wish there was more writing for the different copotypes and political orientations because the ways Harry's internal processes and position in the world are affected are REALLY interesting to me. I completely understand being uncomfortable (or just uninterested) by the idea of exploring an ultraliberal, moralist or facist character- I think fanfiction as a medium is compelling in part because you are conveying your own relationship to a piece of work, including your own moral reactions and beliefs applied upon the work's characters- but I think DE includes the option to *play as* a character occupying these roles (rather than just presenting them through npcs) in order to invite players to experience and examine the act of being these things both internally and within social contexts.

I think Harry can be fascinating and heartbreaking as a character study in any of these routes, and the gameplay can feel radically different between them even following the same plot. For example, I found the moralist route deeply evocative. It has an uneasy, desperate feeling to it as someone struggles to occupy the in-group, to live in normalcy and civility in the face of their own world ending. It creates an odd position for Harry as accutely disabled and vulnerable- contrasting percieved social acceptance and safety with the tearing of reality "as it should be" at the failure of the social mechanisms he believes in to meet their promise of happiness or safety. The gameover at the statue left me genuinely stunned when I first got it, its sort of horrifying in it's bluntness, and I found it really upsetting in this specific raw way. Its an excellent way of demonstrating, emotionally, the failure and cruelty of liberalism upon those who believe in it- but also its devastating for Harry's character as he is presented through the moralist dialogue. I also found it rlly compelling how the honor cop dialogue options explore Harry as a person seeking dignity in the face of their social ostracisation, and how apocalypse-cop explores the social modes of someone who has fallen out of the "normal reality space", how impaired his ability to live is in response to a full awareness of overwhelming, total threat. I'm not good at writing essays and stuff, idk if I'm explaining this well, but all of the routes are written with such an intimate and personal examination of how it *feels* to occupy different modes of being- of the way the world will treat you if you interact with it in certains ways, or the person you will be and the emotional shape your life will form depending on your framework. I think its kind of abstract and difficult to write properly, but I think its something you can reaaaallly sink yourself into if you find Harry a compelling character- I personally do (lmao) and its something I love seeing whenever I get the chance. I get the appeal of Harry as an exccentric mentally ill communist whose political beliefs are, in social contexts, extentions of his rejection of social norms and position as othered under liberal belief- I do also just enjoy the fact that this version of Harry is only one mode of being he could occupy, and the varying ways in which he is socially, emotionally or cognitively enabled/disabled by other modes of being, and the position the game takes in exploring them all as choices or as routes and reactions by the same person- as someone afloat and disempowered in the world attempting to find "how to live".

[gojoidyll]

Infinity Masterlist

Yandere ! Gojo Satoru x Female ! Reader

Summary | And I'd choose you; in a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality, I'd find you and I'd choose you.

Part 1 | my broken maid

Part 2 | my childhood friend

Part 3 | my world

Part 4 | my life

Part 5 | my maid again

Part 6 | what doesn't belong to him

Part 7 | not my wife

Part 8 | start over again

Part 9 | what he deserves

Part 10 | what is yours, is mine

Part 11 | new life, new beginning, new death

Part 12 | another simple beginning

Part 13 | sukuna and a crush

Part 14 | shoko's advice and gojo's teasing

Part 15 | your confrontation, sukuna's answer

Part 16 | i am yours, but are you mine

Part 17 | then what is special

Part 18 | one and only

Part 19 | call you mine

Part 20 | it'll be alright

Part 21 | a hint of normalcy

Part 22 | a prelude

Part 23 | sick and what ifs

Part 24 | worry more

Part 25 | coming soon !!

[brbgottagetkfc]

My think piece (lol, I am looking into it 🔍):

Like...I sorta get the dynamic. Because it seems like despite being friends all of them are pretty lonely themselves. Y/N is sort of like a shard that kind of breaks the normalcy for them, so they kind of reject her in that sense. It easier to cling to coldness when its all you've known, warmth seems too scary. Maybe Satoru sees that and thinks he needs to hold them up in a way (not disrupt their normalcy), so enages in the way they like: the shots at Y/N, playing that game to act like Y/N doesn't mean much. Nice got them killed as you mentioned, being treated like weapons from a time when they needed to be nurtured. So maybe Y/N reminds them how hardened they have become, so they cling to the status quo of their loneliness in the friendship. Its like seeing how much more happy Satoru is but needing the reasurance that ‘You're still like us, she'll never get you because she hasn't been treated as disposable like we have, we have the same experiences you are better off with us, we only had each other, so it has to be the same'

Its not Y/N's respponsibility to heal them, but being open to her as a friend would do wonders for them. I just don't get Utahime posting that, it was mean. All of them were very mean. Utahime's reasoning seems like the same thing, she doesn't love Satoru but its that thing about familarity. Y/N's the other one, shining light on the ice in her friend group, the message may not be ‘He still likes me and wants me more' but may be more so ‘We're all fine, you didn't change him, or take him away from us, he's still our friend, with the same blood on his hands, the same fate as us as weapons, its okay, we'll all stick together'

But it would be nice to see it all addressed, because that video was like the final blow, she saw them post it, saw him laugh at the digs, the little jope she had shattered. Its necessary to hash out that instance. Love and friendship does help with wound and scars, both for Satoru and his little group.

Even the most simplest smaus show a lot things. You did an amazing job. Eager for part 3 (I hope you do it, give like a proper ending, I would hope a happy one, it would take him time given the extent to which it hurt).

OMG thank you so much, anon, for taking the time and dropping such an insightful ask, makes me ooey gooey inside knowing some of y'all liked my Smaus enough to put so much thought into it

As for your take of the post, it's almost exactly what I was going for, but I didn't want to make the post longer than it is right now, so I couldn't write all that in.

I think the friendgroup treats reader so horribly is because they never saw her as a permanent fixture to the group in first place, and they're assholes in general, all of them, including Satoru. Satoru doesn't stand up for reader when his friends mock her because (a) he's not sure how to display the "boyfriend" version of him in front of the friendgroup and (b) he tries to convince himself, and reader that they're mocking her as an extension of mocking him, which they actually do, the group is also very mean to each other in general

As for the reason utahime and shoko bully reader is because they think Satoru's gone soft (weak)

Ever since she came into their lives, and that makes them mad enough to extra hard on reader. They don't find it to be wrong, and they enjoy the reactions reader has to their bullying, as well as putting Satoru in that position, because they think Satoru is being a wimp if he wants to protect reader's feelings.

It's not just the girls that are mean to reader. Suguru and Nanami aren't particularly nice to her either, but they're also not invested enough to target her at every given opportunity. They're toxic to each other & horrible. All of them.

Satoru had 2 years to resolve his issues, to establish boundaries within his friends' group and treat reader with the dignity she deserved, but he failed to prioritise his relationship, and chose to be passive and evasive to avoid confrontation of any sort, even at the expense of his partner.

It's not readers responsibility to try to fix a man who doesn't truly want to change. Even if he does alter his priorities to appease reader, it won't be right, because he'd be doing that to hold onto the sanctuary reader provides him with, and not because he finds his current behaviour problematic.

With all that being said, I don't think a reconciliation is on the table for these two :(

[handmade-witch]

Is It Over Now...? Part 2

Pairing: Toxic!Mattheo x fem!Reader

Hogwarts University!AU

Warnings: cursing, substance use (alcohol and marijuana), cheating ((please lmk if I missed any))

Read Part 1 here

[[AN: thank you for the notes and support on part 1!! 💓💓 if you'd like to be added to the taglist for this series send me a message or leave a comment. Feedback is always welcome and appreciated! 🥰]]

🎶 Let's fast forward to three hundred takeout coffees later

I see your profile and your smile on unsuspecting waiters 🎶

"I can't believe you took him back after he kissed some other chick."

You and Pansy sat in the library, surrounded by textbooks and takeout coffee cups. Your eyes flick up from your book to glare at Pansy. "*She* kissed *him*." You asserted.

"Sure," she muttered under her breath, sipping her coffee.

"He said it was a mistake."

"I'm not arguing with him there." She says flatly, rolling her eyes.

You felt your irritation build. "He's not like that anymore, Pansy." You snapped at your friend.

Her eyes were piercing and fierce, but hidden in her stare was a softness that told you she was coming from a place of care and concern. "But he was. I just don't want you to forget that."

•••

The incident at the party and the conversation with Pansy was three weeks ago. Since then things with Mattheo settled back into a comfortable normalcy.

After class one day, you exited the psychology building with Luna and Pansy and your eyes fall on a familar pair of brown eyes sitting on a bench in the shade.

"We'll see you guys at dinner!" You bid your goodbyes to them before skipping over to Mattheo.

"Well hello there, handsome." You grin, leaning down to peck his lips.

He holds up one of two takeout coffe cups in his hands. "One iced vanilla latte for my favorite girl." He smirks at you, eyes gazing at you with soft fondness.

He stands and kisses you again, his hand resting gently on the small of your back. With your coffee in one hand and Mattheo's hand in the other, the two of you begin your walk across campus.

"How was your day?" You ask, swinging your hands between the two of you.

"Dreadfully boring." He complained. He gave your hand a soft squeeze, "Better now that I can see you."

"You're such a suck up." You snort.

"Only because I'm crazy for you." He bats his eyelashes at you flirtatiously. You roll your eyes playfully at him. He lets go of your hand to wrap his arm around your shoulder, pulling you into his side and pressing a kiss to your temple.

"I love you," he whispers into your hair.

"I love you too."

•••

Later that night, your group of friends sat in the common room, lounging on a variety of furniture so that they could wind down from their day. You sat with your legs thrown over Mattheo's lap, your cheek resting against his shoulder. You let out an involuntary yawn, feeling exhausted after a long day of classes. Mattheo's arm wrapped around your shoulder, holding you securely against him and tracing gentle patterns on your arm. The gesture was soothing and relaxing. The topic of conversation shifted to plans for the upcoming weekend.

"Babe, you comin' to the party this weekend? I think it's Ravenclaw house." Mattheo cranes his head to look at you.

You shake your head. "Nope. It's girls night."

"Fuck yeah girls night!" Pansy pumps her fist from where she sits across from you, illiciting a soft snort from you.

"Aww," Mattheo pretends to pout, "it won't be as fun without you there." He gives you a soft squeeze.

"I think you'll survive." You tease, reaching up to pat his cheek.

"You look tired." He says with a teasing tone and slight smirk.

"What makes you-" you interupt yourself with an involuntary yawn, "say that?"

"Wanna head up for the night?"

You nod sleepily, sliding you legs off of Mattheo's lap. The two of you bid goodbye to your friends and head to your room.

Mattheo flops on your bed with an exaggerated groan. You shake your head, smiling softly at him, digging through your drawers for some more comfortable clothes. You disappear to the bathroom for a couple minutes and emerge wearing a pair of pajama shorts and a band t-shirt you had stolen from Mattheo.

"God, you're gorgeous." Mattheo says from his spot on the bed, propped up on his elbows. His dark brown eyes seem to sparkle as they take in your form standing in front of him.

You feel heat rising to your cheeks and your fingers play with the hem of your shirt. "Oh, thank you." You avert your eyes from him, blushing furiously.

Mattheo sits up further, "Oh c'mon don't go shy on me now." He beckons you over to him. When you're close enough he wraps his arms around your torso, pulling you into him. He rests his chin on your stomach, looking at you with a loving gaze. Your hands naturally find themselves tangling into his curly hair.

With a quick motion, he pulls you onto the bed on top of him. You let out a startled yelp as you land on top of Mattheo. He grabs your face, pressing soft kisses all over it. You burst into a fit of giggles. He just grins at you while you struggle to stop laughing.

He lets go of you only for a moment to climb under the bed covers, beckoning for you to join him. He pulls you close to him, bending his head to rest his forehead against yours. You close your eyes sleepily, feeling the beat of Mattheo's heart through his chest. He tilts his head to press a kiss to your forehead. "You're so wonderful. I love you so much." He whispers against your hairline.

You eyes stay closed but you smile, snuggling deeper into his hold. "I love you too, Mattheo." In the warmth of his embrace, you find yourself easily drifting off to sleep.

Your dreams were filled with Mattheo. His eyes, his smile, his voice, his laugh, his kiss, his touch. And as you lie there next to him, wrapped in his arms, your heart feels warm and happy.

•••

On Saturday, armed with alcoholic beverages and a variety if snacks, you make your way to Pansy's dorm room.

"Let's get this party started." You sing as you burst into the room. Daphne is lounging on the bed and Luna and Pansy are sat on the floor. An episode of tashy reality television is playing on the TV. Not long after you arrive, Hermione and Ginny also make their way to the girls night. The six of you get wine drunk and do face masks and eat a little too much junk food.

"Fuck, marry, kill: Professor Snape, Professor Dumbledore, and Professor McGonagall." Hermione giggles as she poses the question to the group.

"Oh definetly marry McGonagall. That woman would treat me right." Ginny declares. "Then I would fuck Dumbledore and kill Snape."

"Oh c'mon Snape is not that bad." Pansy whines.

"You're just saying that because he's your teacher crush." You tease. Pansy sticks her tongue out at you. "I would marry Snape, fuck McGonagall, and kill Dumbledore," she lists off.

"I'd say marry McGonagall, fuck Snape, and kill Dumbledore." Daphne adds her list to the mix.

"What about fuck, marry, kill: Thestrals, Hippogriffs, and Puffskiens." Luna asks, her voice airy and light indicating her tipsy state.

"I mean have you seen a Puffskien's tongue?" You ask, wiggling your eyebrows suggestively, eliciting a chorus of laughter.

As the conversation continues, you glance down when your phone lights up with a notification.

From Mattheo:

💬: 'Bout to head out. Have fun with the girls. I love you 💘'

You shoot off a quick response back:

💬: 'Have fun babe! Be safe~ I love you 🥰😘'

•••

The party at the Ravenclaw clubhouse was in full swing. Mattheo hadn't meant to get as drunk as he currently was. The night had started with him entering the party with the other Slytherin boys. He played beer pong with Blaise and they challenged a group of Gryffindors to a game of flip cup. He was enjoying a pleasant buzz and having a good time.

At some point, however, the drinks kept coming. It seemed as if Mattheo's cup was never empty. He lost track of his friends. At one point someone offered him a joint. Now he was collapsed on a couch, his head swimming in his current intoxocated state.

"Hey there," the girl said seductively as she stepped between his legs, "Where have you been?" She leans forward, over where he lounges on the sofa. Mattheo couldn't look anywhere but her breasts if he tried. She had placed herself right in his line of vision and her tight dress left little to the imagination.

"Been busy," he mumbled. Moving his lips to speak took a tremendous amount of effort in his current state.

She reached down, trailing her fingers over his thighs. Her touch made his skin tingle. Without thinking he reached out, placing his hands on the girl's hips. She seemed pleased by this. Reaching out she took a strand of his hair and twisted it in her fingers.

"Want some company tonight?" She purred in his ear. Mattheo's skin felt like it was on fire. 'She smells good.' He thought as she leaned close to whisper in his ear. And, not considering the potential consequences of his actions in his cross-faded state, he pulls her against him and lets her kiss him.

•••

You blinked awake, reaching over to check your phone. Luna was already awake and sat cross legged reading a book. Everyone else was still sleeping. You rubbed your eyes and when your brain registered what was on your screen your blood ran cold. You sat up so quickly that it startled Luna. You were already reaching over to shake Pansy awake, eyes still glued to the screen.

"Leave me alone." She grumbles sleepily. She rolls over, squinting her eyes at you. When she registers the look on your face, however, she sits up just as quickly as you had. "What's wrong." She demands.

You're at a loss for words and your hands shake as you hand the phone to her. You wrap your arms around your knees, hugging them to your chest.

"That fucking bastard." She exclaims furiously. She quickly snaps her mouth shut, realizing that everyone was still asleep, and handed the phone to Luna.

"Oh [Y/N]" she says sadly. She reaches out to rest her hand gently on your arm.

The message on your phone is from George Weasley. It reads:

💬: "I'm real sorry but thought you ought to know."

Attached is a photo of Mattheo with the same girl you had caught him kissing a month ago. The photo was dark and blurry but there was no question. Mattheo lounged on a couch. The girl sat in his lap. They were kissing. One of his hands was resting on her ass.

A month ago you had been seething rage, but now you just felt hollow. The tears slipped quietly down your cheeks and your eyes glazed over.

"God, I feel so stupid." You whisper.

•••

Mattheo groaned, his head pounding in his skull. He rolled over, unconsciously wrapping his arms around the figure sleeping next to him. He inhaled deeply, expecting to smell your shampoo. Through his haze he makes out the alcohol on his own breath but something is... different. His eyes open lazily. The person in his bed, he realizes, is not you.

The girl lying next to him was naked-- that wasn't a good sign. He fought against the fuzzy haze clouding his mind. And suddenly, fragmented memories of the night before came flodding back. His eyes widened.

"Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit." He chanted over and over to himself as he shook the girl awake.

"You have to leave. Now." He demanded, scrambling out of the bed. Searching the floor he found discarded clothes that he threw back at her.

"What the...?"

Mattheo looks at her, eyes wild, and points to the door. "I said leave." His tone was hostile.

"What the fuck is your problem?" She snapped back at him, pulling her shirt over her head.

"I have a girlfriend. You can't be here. This was a mistake." Mattheo ran his hand through his messy hair, trying to gain a semblance of composure.

The girl grabbed her shoes. "Just saying, I don't think your gonna have a girlfriend for much longer." She exits the room, slamming the door shut behind her.

Taglist 💜: @nat1221 @hoeforvinniehackerrr @rorysbrainrot @leviosatothestars

Part 3 coming .... eventually..

This series is currently on hiatus but! Comment if your interested in being added to the tag list for a reminder when the series continues! Thank you for the love and support! 💗

[pianokantzart]

I think when ppl say "mario is a bad brother" i think they just mean PAPER mario

But even then!! I don't think he's "bad" bad, I just think he's emotionally constipated compared to other versions of himself.

My opinion on the way Paper Mario behaves (at least in the first two games) is that his life is so topsy-turvy he is hesitant to accept change regarding his relationship with his loved ones, even if it's to the detriment of those relationships long-term.

Luigi has spent most of his time at home, so Paper Mario wants him to keep staying at home, because Paper Luigi finally getting what he wants and becoming his adventuring partner is an extreme change. Luigi being safe is an emotional anchor for Mario, and the idea of losing that is unsettling.

I think it's a similar situation when it comes to his relationship with Princess Peach. Paper Peach is probably one of the most head-over-heels in love with Mario iterations of the character, to the point that many of her citizens whisper about the budding romance between them. But making their relationship official would be an extreme change compared to what Mario's used to, so he never really acts on it beyond what he's told to do.

Peach's presence brings Mario a lot of peace, but the concept of him officially becoming anything more important to her than her protector overwhelms him.

He's not bad, it's just he's a little selfish in a very quiet, very unintentional way when it comes to those he loves the most. He spends every other second of the day running himself ragged for the safety and whims of strangers, so he has a bit of a tight grip on what he considers "normalcy" regarding his family.

[spamgyu]

BACKBURNER // LAST PART (VERSION 1)

DESCRIPTION: She had grown tired of being on his back burner, the person that he had kept warm until he gotten the girl he has had his eyes set on for years... And with a little help from her friend, maybe... just maybe she'll finally be the first choice. PAIRING: Seungcheol x Reader | Mingyu x Reader GENRE: Angst & Fluff PART 4 | SERIES MASTERLIST | MASTERLIST

"I'm gong to the gym real quick." He nodded over to the door, his protein shake in hand.

The two had managed to go back to their sense of normalcy on their way back to the hotel – all thanks to him.

Judging from her reaction, he knew that if he didn't make the first move of bouncing back to who they were before that damn kiss, that stupid fucking kiss, she would let the thoughts consume her – driving in silence.

Mingyu had gotten a glimpse of losing her in his mind and he did not want to make it his reality.

Not if he could help it.

He chose to dismiss the tension and the elephant in the room and averted their conversation to anything but what had just happened.

And thankfully, she went along with it – sitting in the passenger seat continuing the conversation of the wedding that was set to take place in two days.

"Bring me back some chips, please." She smiled as she continued to select images for today's instagram upload.

"Yes, ma'am." He saluted before slipping in to the hallway.

The truth was, he didn't want to go to the gym. Hell, he didn't even know if he was going to actually go down to the amenity the hotel offered.

He just needed a breather – a moment to process what he had done... away from her.

Mingyu rounded the corner, bounding for Joshua's room when a door had swung open, revealing the one person he did not want to run into.

"Sup." He nodded, continuing his journey.

He was two steps away from him when Seungcheol called out his name, stopping him in his tracks.

"You said you'd do anything for y/n, right?" He spoke, walking over to Mingyu.

Puzzled with the sudden confrontation, Mingyu was unable to utter a reply – standing dumbfounded in the middle of the hallway.

"Right?" Seungcheol repeated.

"Y-yeah." He replied, his tone coming out more of a question; still unable to comprehend where the conversation was leading.

"I choose her."

Mingyu felt as though the floor underneath him began to chip away, his knees feeling weak.

"I– I fucked up before but I'm going to fix things." Seungcheol continued.

He scanned his friend's face, attempting to read him. Mingyu had known him for nearly six years now. They were once quite close, up until they let their egos and competative nature get the best of them – seeing everything as a game that they both needed to score against each other.

But y/n was different.

To Mingyu, this wasn't a game.

She wasn't a trophy he needed to win.

She was the one thing that he left untouched because she was worth far more than the silent warfare the two have seemed to put themselves in.

He needed to make sure Seungcheol was genuine – she was finally smiling, he was no longer wiping tears away. He needed to know that this wasn't just another play in Seungcheol's books.

And it killed him to see that Seungcheol's soft eyes, the silent plea behind his gaze.

"What does this have to do with me?" Mingyu toyed with the cap of his drink.

"I know she values your opinion and I can't have you stand in between my attempts to win her back." Seungcheol ran his hand through his hair. "She– look, I get it. I'm not your top pick for her, but– I need you to help me."

Help him.

Help him get the girl who he sees as his world, constantly in orbit around her.

The one that he couldn't imagine living the rest of his life with, even if it's just as her best friend.

"Help?" He raised his brows.

"I just need you to let me."

"Let you?"

"Mingyu, dude, come on." Seungcheol was practically begging him. "This is why you guys are pretending right? So you can get back at me? You got it, you got back at me. Please– just let me."

The past few days of bliss had blinded him, forgetting that Seungcheol had known their dirty little secret all along. He was so caught up with experiencing what it was like to have her that he had forgotten that it was meant to end.

This was the one thing she had been waiting for. The reason why they were in this predicament in the first place.

Sticking to his word of doing anything for the sake of y/n's happiness, Mingyu allowed for Seungcheol to sway him this one time.

"Is Sunhee out of the picture?" He countered.

"Wha– yes." Seunghceol nodded quickly. "It's done. It's been fixed. It's y/n."

Mingyu wanted the ground to swallow him whole.

Sunhee was out.

There was nothing else standing in the way between Y/n and Seungcheol.

Except him.

"Okay." Mingyu watched as Seungcheol let out a sigh of relief. "But you mess up one time– I don't care if it's you being two minutes being late, I'm stepping in and I'm going to make sure you don't ever come near her."

"I won't fuck up. Not this time around." He shook his head. "I– I need you to believe me."

"The minute Sunhee comes in between–"

"She won't."

"You better make sure of it."

Seungcheol nodded, bringing his hand up. "I promise."

Mingyu shifted his gaze down to the toy in his friend's hand. "Is that for her?"

Seungcheol let out a sheepish laugh. "Yeah it's uh– a peace offering. I saw it at the ranch we were at and thought of her."

Thought of her.

For once in a long time, he had thought of her.

This wasn't a game to him anymore – Seungcheol had finally taken her off of his backburner.

She was now his priority.

"Everyone still thinks we're together."

"No yeah– I know I just– I'm going to do this right. I know this thing won't fix everything, but I'll show her. However long it takes."

Mingyu swallowed the lump that began to form in his throat as another wave of reality hit him.

After this trip, she was no longer his. Even if it was all for pretend.

The pain began to take over his heart.

He knew this would have to end eventually, more now that he confirmed it with her reaction after their kiss, but he didn't think it would be so soon.

He knew he had to let go.

For her happiness.

"Do it right."

"I will."

Mingyu didn't dare say another word, feeling the lump grow larger as each second pass. He excused himself, continuing his walk to Joshua's room – taking one last glance as Seungcheol turned the corner to the direction of their room.

・゜゜・．・゜゜・．・゜゜・．・゜゜・．

She had fallen asleep before Mingyu returned to their room, exhausted both emotionally and physically from yesterday's events. Mingyu had managed to slip back into their room without making a single noise the night before, placing the bag of chips she had requested on their share nightstand that had divided their beds.

She would have thought the time alone with her thoughts, and the rest would be enough to put her mind at ease – but instead, the voices grew louder.

Pestering her the minute she opened her eyes.

He was still fast asleep on his bed, his body turned towards her.

Y/n couldn't help but stare at him as she replayed their moment together.

She had finally gotten what she wanted but why was the man, who pouted in his sleep, across from her plaguing her mind?

Why did he have to kiss her?

She was doing just fine.

She was perfectly fine with allowing Seunghcheol consumer her thoughts; like it had always had been in the last year and a half. She was content with turning a blind eye to all those times he had sent her wondering if continuing their little game of tag was worth it, only choosing to think about all the times he let her leave his home with buzzing feeling in her stomach.

But now, another player had entered the ring – sending her mind into a spiral of overthinking and despair.

She was unsure of many things, all except for two things:

The man she loved had finally chosen her.

Mingyu had kissed her and she did not feel the same buzzing feeling in her stomach.

But why is that she can't get the kiss out of her mind?

"Stop staring." He mumbled.

"You're drooling." Y/n cracked a smile.

His eyes shot open, his hand reaching up to his dry cheek. "Liars go to hell."

"Will you be my roommate there?"

Rolling his eyes, Mingyu sat up – stretching in his position. "Wanna get breakfast?"

Her mind was going at a 100 mph, but more importantly – she wanted to discuss with him what had happened when he left for the gym.

Aside from all the confusion, he was her best friend.

They told each other everything.

"Seungcheol came over last night." She blurted.

He paused his morning stretch. Of course Seunghcheol didn't disclose to her that he had run into Mingyu in the hallway. Why would he?

He had putting a great act since touching down on the island, what was another false shock look going to do?

"How was that?" Mingyu avoided her eyes, pretending to search for his phone under the covers.

"He– uh... we talked. He told me he chose me." She said slowly, keeping her eyes trained on him as he lifted his blanket, peering in.

"That's good, right?" Mingyu finally turned to face her.

The two kept their gaze, the sound of the the air conditioner starting up filling the air.

Why did she think he was going to say something else?

And why did he think she would be jumping for joy?

"No, yeah." She cleared her throat.

"What- what did you say?" He didn't want to hear what she had told him.

He would much prefer that he was left in the dark.

"I told him I'm with you."

"What?" He coughed.

"I mean, well– everyone thinks I'm with you so he can't– no stupid decisions." Y/n chewed at the skin inside her cheek. "Not until after the trip."

After the trip.

He had her until the end of the week.

That is, only for in front of their friends.

"Oh." He nodded.

"He seemed genuine. Never seen him so– I don't know, broken."

"I guess, you got in his head." Mingyu forced out a chuckle.

"Maybe. I just– Should I trust him?"

He licked his lips, letting Seungcheol's words ring in his ears.

"I need you to believe me."

"I can't answer that."

"Why?"

"Look," He scooted off the bed, taking a seat next to her. "At the end of the day, that relationship is between you two. I– He's the one you want right?"

Say no.

"Y-yeah."

"Do you want to trust him?"

Please say no.

"I think."

"Do you trust yourself?"

She turned to face him. "Wha–"

"Do you trust that you'll make the best judgement?"

"I hope so."

"I can't hold your hand for this one but I can pick you up if he lets you down. I'm always here." He sent her a warm smile.

All the voices in her head suddenly stopped.

The person she loved had finally chosen her and the man that had left her brain rattled all night had given her the confirmation that despite the minor slip up the two had, he wasn't going anywhere.

It was more than enough validation for her to know that no matter what, he will always be in her life as a best friend.

It was all simply a lapse of judgement.

・゜゜・．・゜゜・．・゜゜・．・゜゜・．

Seungcheol kept to his word.

He really was trying.

They were all gathered around the beach, for one last time before the wedding festivities began. And unlike last time, not a single snarky comment left his lips.

In fact, he seemed to happily carry on conversations with either her and Mingyu; with no signs of anger or annoyance painted on his face.

Hell, she was even caught off guard by his active actions of avoiding Sunhee – laying his towel down in between Jeonghan and Joshua, all while the girl settled for a spot at the end.

"I miss having the group back together like this." Jeonghan sighed, leaning back on his elbows. "We should do more destination weddings."

"Not everyone is bleeding money like you, Han." Joshua snickered.

"Seungcheol is." He countered. "Doubt he'll marry soon, though."

Seungcheol didn't care to protest, laughing along with a few of the boys.

It was all in good fun and teasing.

"Alright let's take bets on who's next to walk down the aisle." Seokmin clapped.

"Money's on Wonwoo." Mingyu took a bite of his spam musubi.

The one that Seungcheol had purchased just before heading to the beach.

"It's warm this time." He mumbled for only her to hear, setting the bag down for everyone to grab out from.

"I second that." Y/n laughed, holding her hand out for Mingyu to place the rice wrap in her hand.

"Get your own." He shook his head, pointing to the bag.

"I just want a bite!" She laughed, attempting to pry it from his hands – only for him to lean away. "Give it."

Taking a larger bite this time, Mingyu used his free hand to lightly push her away from him. "No!"

"God, I think it's going to be you two." Joshua grumbled while they were in their own world, practically wrestling over half a bite of musubi; earning a chorus of laughter from everyone else.

All except Sunhee and Seungcheol.

Though, Seungcheol had managed to hide his disagreeing thoughts well by putting on a fake smile – not wanting to blow his and their cover.

He was trying, after all.

"Yeah, if she doesn't break up with me." Mingyu chuckled, giving in and handing her what was left of his food.

He was planting seeds in their heads for their inevitable end.

"Thin ice, buddy." She joked back, happily popping the rice and spam into her mouth.

The day went on as if nothing was out of place; as if the three didn't hold on to a secret that would have sent at least half of their friend group in to an hour long debate. Possibly even causing a great division.

The three continued about their day pretending as though their minds weren't constantly being bombarded by second guesses and stolen glances.

They all had roles to play, keeping it up for the sake of the peace of the group; something that was quite rare. It been years since they were complete and they knew that ruining the dynamic of it all over a silly little game of charades was out of the picture.

・゜゜・．・゜゜・．・゜゜・．・゜゜・．

She found herself comparing the two, allowing for her brain and her heart to battle it out while she tried her best to keep a facade up that she had been fully present in tonight's event.

Jeonghan's rehearsal dinner.

She could have sworn she had silenced her mind earlier this morning, but she was proven wrong as the day went on – more than ever as Seungcheol had began his efforts to win her trust back.

It was almost as if her mind was keeping score for the two.

One minute, Mingyu was putting on a great act for their friends; staying by her side and doting on all her needs that she did not know needed to be met.

And in the short moments when she wasn't attached to Mingyu's hips, Seungcheol would find a way to approach her – making small innocent conversations. He made an effort to ask her about how she had liked the trip so far, taking note of how he seemed to be attentively hanging on to every word that left her lips. As if he was making a mental note of it all.

It had sent her head spinning.

"Getting a drink at the bar, you guys want anything?" Seungcheol announced, keeping his gaze on her.

His offer was mostly directed to her, eyeing her now empty wine glass.

A chorus of no's and no thanks were earned from those sat within earshot of him, Seungcheol lingering to see if she had caught on to his question.

Mingyu had taken notice of this, turning his head to the girl on his right – wondering as to why she had yet to reply.

She didn't hear him.

"She'll most likely want another glass of merlot." He replied for her, sending over a smile.

He was helping after all.

She had a blank stare – clearly lost in her own thoughts, drowning out the voices and chaos around her.

"Right." Seungcheol pulled his lips tight, excusing himself to the other side of the room.

Tapping her knee under the table, Mingyu leaned his body close to the girl. "You okay?"

Blinking away her thoughts, she turned to face him – taken back at his sudden close proximity. "Huh?"

"You're in another galaxy." Mingyu spoke, leaning away at the sight of her flinching.

"Sorry, just– tired." She hummed, reaching for her wine glass only to frown at the lack of it's content.

"Cheol's getting you more. He uh– offered." He sipped his water, answering her silent question.

The score was at a tie, yet again.

The night went on with ease and Y/n could have not been any more grateful that they were no longer obligated to stay seated in their assigned spots – making her way over to the bar while everyone else had decided to disburse throughout the riim.

"Making good use of the open bar, I see." Seungcheol chuckled, lining up behind her as they waited for their turn.

"Always a sucker for free drinks." She shrugged.

"Yeah, I remember from Mingyu's birthday last year." He snorted.

For his big two-five, Mingyu decided to ring in his birthday with a bang – somehow convincing their friend group that a trip to Vegas under his own expense was a great idea.

Within the first night, all but Mingyu and Y/n had tapped out; going a little too hard at the club. No one was able to hold their liquor down the way the duo did. While everyone was nearly begging for Mingyu to cancel their table at the day club, she and Mingyu were happily pregaming to cancel out their hangover.

"My liver hurts just thinking about tequila." She winced.

Seungcheol laughed, recalling to their last night at the party city; when she was out drunk by Mingyu. She had to be dragged back to her hotel room that night, unable to properly find her balance. "Yeah, Seokmin went sober for a good while after that trip."

"Oh my god, yeah." She laughed. "He was so traumatized."

Across the room, Mingyu was sipping his whisk; unable to peel his eyes away from the two. He truly did try to pay no mind to the curious voice that had been pestering him to walk over and find out what it was that had the two laughing.

Instead, he opted to keep his eyes on her – taking in how beautiful she looked.

Maybe that will get his mind off things.

Dressed in a plain yellow chiffon satin dress that ended just above her knee, with her hair pulled back in a low bun; he couldn't help but think how simplicity looked so good on her.

He could spend hours on end just look at her.

"It's cute how in love you guys are." Sunhee grinned, following his gaze.

All while everyone else were off mingling with guests, the two opted to stay back and hold the fort down – their day at the beach catching up to them.

They were no longer those young college students who were full of energy, their bodies unable to keep up with their jam packed days.

"Huh– oh yeah." Mingyu felt his cheeks grow hot as he looked down at the glass in his hands.

Sunhee had caught him staring, shyly attempting to hide the redness in his face.

"Look a you, all shy." She teased. "Being in love is a good look on you."

They weren't close.

Not even friends, they were acquaintances at best – they had only been around each other in group settings.

But like everyone else, she was well aware of the image he had; the same one her best friend had. He was well known to date around, never keeping a girl around for longer than a month.

"Thank you." He gave her a warm smile.

"At least you got to her before he did." Sunhee continued, her gaze following his – but her eyes trained on the man to y/n's right. "I– I didn't realize that I was fucking over her chances with him until the other day."

At least she was aware.

To her it was too late, but oh if she only knew.

"Did me a favor, I guess." He mumbled into his cup, before taking a long sip.

"He's a dumbass though, he never put her first."

It was like she had taken a knife and dug it into his skin, twisting it with each word that left her lips.

Silence fell between the two, but Mingyu knew she had more to say.

Maybe it was the liquor they had all consumed throughout the night, or the fact that she believes there was nothing else on the line, but Sunhee went on to speak. "We fought the other day. Because of her."

That caught his attention.

Mingyu whipped his head to meet her eyes, brows furrowed in confusion. "Why?"

"Well, not fought. I did most of the yelling. He's–" She rolled her eyes, clearly recalling back to her and Seungcheol's conversation at the zipline park. "If he had told me she had given him an ultimatum– God, how stupid could he be? Always thinking with his dick than his brain."

"He told you about Y/n making him pick?"

"Yeah, he thought we were having a moment at the damn ranch and tried to confess– Honestly, I think he finally realized that you guys are serious and wanted me as a last resort."

She was a stupid as her friend.

"Told him how stupid he was for letting her walk out. He should have chosen her. Can you believe him? God, I swear– He's irritates me." She ran her fingers through her curled her, letting out a frustrated sigh.

She was venting to him.

The knife was now buried deep in his gut and he was bleeding out.

Seungcheol had picked y/n in a panic, not because he wanted to. This was what he meant when Sunhee was out of the picture.

He wanted to get up from his seat and head straight to her. He wanted to whisk her away from him and tell her all that Sunhee had just spilled.

But he couldn't.

Mingyu glanced over at her, seeing her laugh at yet another word that had left Seungcheol's mouth; his heart sinking.

In all the times Y/n had talked about Seungcheol, it was all of moments of pain — claiming she wished things were different.

She had finally gotten all that she wanted and he couldn't take that away from her. It was far too selfish.

She was happy and that was all that mattered — and he'll just have to make peace with this.

・゜゜・．・゜゜・．・゜゜・．・゜゜・．

To say the setting was beautiful was an understatement; the grassy lawn of the hotel had been transformed to any bride's dream.

Various kinds of white flowers lined the rows and the altar, creating a sight that only a girl could have imagined and pinned on her pinterest board.

Y/n's breath had been taken away when she had first taken a seat, snapping a few pictures before they were instructed to put all their devices away for an unplug ceremony.

She couldn't help but be in awe as the each second passed, shedding a few tears when she had caught a glimpse of Jeonghan's lips quivering at the sight of Eunji making her way down the aisle.

"Jeonghan," Eunji spoke into the mic, taking her turn to profess her vows in front of their guests; a wide grin on her face. "People often talk about how difficult relationships are and I happily can say that I can't relate to them. I get that relationships takes a lot of work, but being with you have never felt like this. It's like I clocked into a shift with my favorite coworker. Our days have always been filled with laughter, the only tears you've ever brought me were when you would make those stupid silly jokes that I love so much. They say love is hard but our love has been the easiest part of my life. And I guess, it's because you have made it so easy. You're not only my life partner but my best friend and I can't wait to start this new chapter of our life together. Today, as I stand here in front of our families and friends, I Park Eunji take you Yoon Jeonghan as my lawfully wedded husband."

While everyone clapped, some wiping away their tears, Y/n couldn't help but let here eyes stray to the line of groomsmen that stood behind Jeonghan — her eyes meeting Mingyu's for only a second.

He had been staring at her all while Eunji proclaimed her love for his friend, unable to help his mind from thinking about y/n.

The easy love that the girl spoke about had perfectly described how he had felt for y/n. Every single word, he could relate it back to her.

Mingyu had quickly averted his gaze back to the couple when he had caught her eyes staring back from the crowd — afraid of shedding any tears.

But that was the thing, Eunji's words had also struck a chord in her.

She kept her eyes in him, the boy that she had watch grow up alongside her — the one she called her best friend.

Eunji was right, love shouldn't be hard. It should be fun, it should be the easiest part of her day.

Just as all her times with Mingyu.

Oh my god, did she love him? Holy shit, she was in love with him

・゜゜・．・゜゜・．・゜゜・．・゜゜・．

The party was at a full swing, the reception program wrapping up and the guest were invited to enjoy the remainder of the night on the dance floor — celebrating with the newly wedded couple.

The sound of a familiar chorus of voices intro blared through the speakers, a smile forming on her lips.

Baby I'm yours. And I'll be yours until the stars fall from the sky.

It was her favorite song.

"May I have this dance?" Mingyu held his hand out, a playful grin on his lips.

There had been countless of drunken nights when the two had obnoxiously sang the words to the Arctic Monkey's cover. The two's go-to karaoke song.

It was both of their favorite love song.

"Disgusting!!" Seungkwan jokingly gagged from his seat as she took Mingyu's hand — allowing him to lead her to the center of the room, joining other paired up bodies.

"Yours until the poets ran out of rhyme..." Mingyu sang, spinning her.

A laugh emitted from her lips as he caught her, dipping her before they swayed like two idiots.

"You look beautiful tonight." He complimented.

"As opposed to..." She narrowed her eyes.

"Your usual look." He replied without missing a beat, knowing that she was simply joking to counter her sudden confession.

"You clean up pretty well, too... I guess." She rolled her eyes.

It wasn't a guess.

She had nearly let out an audible gasp when he stepped out of the bathroom this morning – wearing his assigned black and white suit. She had been so used to his hair always in his face that when she had caught sight of his perfectly groomed hair, showcasing his face, this morning, she could have sworn she nearly swooned.

"Thanks, because this neck tie is choking me." He reached up loosening the fabric — earning a giggle from the girl.

He was going to miss this close intimacy.

Their end was nearing and he could see the end of the road.

More importantly, he could see Seungcheol eyeing him from across the way — nervously swallowing the drink in his hand.

It was his last night with her.

His last dance.

"Hey— about the kiss." Her voice pulled him out of his thoughts, looking down at her.

She was chewing at her lip, the now faded lipstick she had applied earlier in the night faded — showing they had once again become pale.

Mingyu was transported back to a couple of days ago, when they were sat atop the Jeep. His heart sinking as he remembered how devastated she looked once he pulled away.

"Don't worry about it." It pained him to say it.

And it pained her to hear it.

"It was a mistake." He continued.

It wasn't a mistake. I wanted it to happen. He thought.

It shouldn't be a mistake. It's you that I want. The voice in her head screamed.

"Oh."

"I got caught up in the moment."

I've been waiting for that moment.

It was the perfect moment.

She felt as though her heart had been stomped on.

Ripped out and chewed.

It was him that she chose.

Her heart, the one she could have sworn was reserved for Seungcheol, had won the wrestling match — Mingyu had won.

Only, it was a pity that he clearly didn't feel the same.

And god forbid she was going to opt for being on someone's backburner yet again.

taglist closed

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[igotanidea]

Anchor : Jason Todd x reader

Requested as a part of my 1k celebration by @yourmomsleftmissingpinkytoe: late night with Jason Todd .

***

“I like having you like this, you know.” Y/N smiled lightly, closing her eyes, her head lying comfortably on Jason’s thighs.

“Like what?” he smirked, running a hand through her hair.

It was that one night since forever that he did not spend on patrol. Or at least, not in the whole. He went on for a while, but quickly realized nothing was really happening. Therefore after checking his usual enemies and conforming that is was indeed peaceful came back to his girl, to spend some quality time with her. (if only the boy knew it was Tim and Damian who saw Y/N hurting and missing him so much, it physically hurt them so they took action to remedy her bad mood)Jason didn’t know how much he missed her, but it was not his style to relent so quickly. He just had to tease her a bit. They were sitting on the rooftop of her tenement house, surrounded by dark, staring at the space, hoping to see something more than Gotham’s somberness and gloominess. Two dreamers, two caring souls that found each other in the most hopeless place on earth. Indulging in each other’s presence.

 “Peaceful” her e/c orbs met his and he caught himself melting in the warmth and love he saw in them “not running around, chasing criminals, getting hurt. Not soaked in blood and injured. Just …. you.”

“That’s pretty unusual, huh?”

“Very….” She sighed deeply.

“you’re cold, princess” he cupped her cheek gently rubbing it “Maybe we should get back inside?”

“No, please, I don’t want to ….”

“You’re gonna get sick.”

“I don’t mind a bit of a break from everyday duties.”

“Bet you just want to stay in bed instead of waking up early, don’t you?”

“Sure. Preferably if I can keep you there with me…” she grinned, but quickly turned serious again, eyeing him with so much love it was impossible to keep it all inside. She might have been cold, but inside she was melting just because he was hers for the moment.  

“Come here” he urged her to get up and shrugged off his jacket, swaddling her in it. It smelled like him – gunpowder and cigarettes, he was trying to ditch - and she just couldn’t stop sniffling the material. It was surprising how much those scents grew on her. She hated them at first, even despite the fact that she was born and raised in Gotham and probably should have been used to smelling those at every corner. But that was before him. Flavors once connected with fear and pain, now were associated with safety and longing and loving teasing.   

“Did you just inhale my jacket?” he smirked

“You said you quit smoking” she retorted “liar!”

“I said, I was trying to. Never guaranteed any results.”

“I wish you were as effective with this as you are with crime lords in your Red Hood version.” She shook her head “Aren’t you gonna get cold?”

“Nah. I think I’m hot enough.” Jason smirked again, impatiently awaiting her reaction.

“Sure you are, Todd. But you got a 10/10 girl in front of you, so are you gonna take some action or not?”

“Mmm, let me think a moment.” He squinted “Not.”

“Not?! Why not?”

“Because I just want to hold you and feel you next to me. Not under me.”

“Oh, I can be on top, you know that.” She scoffed “in fact, I think you prefer me there, don’t you?”

“I…..” he blushed a bit and it was so adorable she just couldn’t help a little laugh

“Jason.” She cooed snuggling into his side “Come on, you don’t have to be afraid to be a little sensitive. It’s me.”

“I know.”

“So what’s on your mind, pretty boy?” she wrapped her arms around him and he put his on her shoulders pulling her closer.

“I like having you like this too. It’s just so normal and natural, being with you. And that scares me.”

“Why?” she asked softly, trying her best not to startle him, not to break that little moment of honesty and  vulnerability. “tell me, so I can make it better.”

“Huh!” he snorted “we both know me and normalcy does not work well together. I let my guards down for a moment and people just pull the rug from under my feet."

“Did I ever?” she whispered, entwining their fingers in a gentle, fluid motion. Their hands just aligned so well. Maybe he needed just a little comfort, reassurance and reminder he was not one of those "people"

“Never.” his response was immidiate

“So what’s the worry? If it’s all about that danger and protection shit again we’ve been through this million of times before, Jay.” the girl rolled eyes at him "You, Jason Todd, are getting bo-riiiiing....."

"It's not just that." he muttered

"We've also been through honesty and being more open in this relationship...." she pointed out "go on, spit it out."

"I'm worried about the future."

"Future? You? Since when?"

"Since I met you." he looked straight into her eyes and the amount of feelings he was holding in one simple gaze shocked her. It was like an electricity in her veins.

"Hey...." she cooded cupping his cheek, speaking with the most calming and convincing voice she could produce "I'm not leaving you, you know that right?"

"I know, but ...."

"I'm also not planning on getting killed or hurt or abducted or raped or whatever. Get out of your head, Jay, can you do that? For me?"

"I'll try...." he smirked

"Please tell me it's not gonna be the same try as with your smoking."

"Promise." he kissed her temple with a loud peck. "Teach me how to do that?"

"For starters you can just focus on the moment. I mean, living in it, not planning or forseeing or wondering. I just need you to be, Jay. Nothing more. No contingencies, no strategies. No danger. You're with me. You're safe. And if you need an achor to reality, I'll be yours. How does that sound?"

"I'd like that...." he mummbled again, pulling her closer. Due to some crazy magic her words and caresses were calming him down, a bit. "But if you're my anchor, does this mean I am your ship?"

"Oh, love, you have no idea about the ship for us in your family." she laughed

"Wait! WHAT!?"

She could swear his scream was heard in the whole Gotham and his family, who definitely was on the patrol might have actually heard it. Y/N almost heard Dick's laugh in her head and was pretty sure the brothers were going to have a litte discussion on privacy in the neareast future.

But for now, she was going to keep Jay with her for as long as it was possible.