#to my discord friends and irls
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was talking with a friend about how some of dunmeshi fаndom misunderstands kabru's initial feelings towards laios.
to sum up kabru's situation via a self-contained modernized metaphor:
kabru is like a guy who lost his entire family in a highly traumatic car accident. years later he joins a discord server and takes note of laios, another server member who seems interesting, so they start chatting. then laios reveals his special interest and favorite movie of all time is David Cronenberg's Crash (1996), and invites kabru to go watch a demolition derby with him
#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#kabru#kabru already added laios as a discord friend. everyone else in the server can see laios excitedly asking kabru to go with him#what would You even Do in this situation. how would YOU feel?#basically: kabru isnt a laios-hater! hes just in shock bc Thats His Trauma. the key part is kabru still says yes#bc he wants to get to know laios. to understand why laios would be so fascinated by something horrific to him#and ALSO bc even while in shock kabru can still tell laios has unique expertise + knowledge that Could be used for Good#even if kabru doesnt fully trust laios yet (bc kabru just started talking to the guy 2 hours ago. they barely know each other)#kabru also understands that getting to know ppl (esp laios) means having to get to know their passions. even if it triggers his trauma here#but thats too much to fit in this metaphor/analogy. this is NOT an AU! its not supposed to cover everything abt kabru or laios' character!#its a self-contained metaphor written Specifically to be more easily relatable+thus easy to understand for general ppl online#(ie. assumed discord users. hence why i said (a non-specific) 'discord server' and not something specific like 'car repair subreddit')#its for ppl who mightve not fully grasped kabru's character+intentions and think hes being mean/'chaotic'/murderous.#to place ppl in kabru's shoes in an emotionally similar situation thats more possible/grounded in irl experiences and contexts.#and also for the movie punchline#mynn.txt#dm text#crossposting my tweets onto here since my friends suggested so
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:O <3
#that post that was like flip phone that only has tumblr and . i forgot like sudoku or somethting#true but also i’d like discord too cuz all of my irl friends and i msg on discord instead of text 😭#my art#digital art#illustration#artists on tumblr#gif#animation
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Hey guys, it’s totally reasonable to want to theorize about what Iskall did, humans are curious in nature. But we shouldn’t be.
If you are going to, do it in private. In discord DMs or a server with your friends, or something like that. Do NOT do it publicly and do NOT bother CCs about it.
#iskall85#iskall#stressmonster101#stress monster#hermitblr#hermitcraft#personally I am talking about it and wondering what happened#but I am doing it in my personal discord server with my IRL friends
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⚔️🐬
#10!! they are going on a mountain trail PICNIC because i SAID SO!!!!! theyll use the empty basket to collect foraged plants (mushrooms)#i drew jade for one of my twst zine pieces and Also gave him this same hat. idk why it has such a vice grip on my brain for him#it feels right. i hate drawing jade (i love drawing jade) i am conflicted. he is SO cute and i always think it looks good but its tricky#maybe thats why i do the hat. idk. also ponytail silver Real. wait till tomorrow. giggles cutely#unrelated also but im dealing with some. really heavy irl stuff. so sry if i dont rly reply to comments on these posts. i normally try :(#friends can eitherrrr check my twt for what happened or dm on discord but. sighs. im stuck in a cycle not of my own making. hate it here#twst#twisted wonderland#twst silver#jade leech#suntails
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You know it’s actually really nice being trans and true to myself as a person
Like, progress feels slow but every month I look back and think “Wow, that’s something unique I learned about myself!” And I am a much happier person because of that!
There is a girl under all of these repressed feelings that me and my friends are uncovering.
And she is just, Wonderful
#share your own stories too! I’d be delighted to hear them!#trans#196#traa#rule#t4t#it’s actually really nice#to see yourself become a person#like I’m ACTUALLY UNIQUE AND AWESOME?#I THOUGHT THEY WERE JUST TELLING ME THAT!!!!#shoutouts to my irls#shoutouts to my online friends#shoutouts to my discord friends (y’all are great)#and#big shoutout to @intolunarorbit#I love you honey#did I put a whole other post in the tags? yeah#FUCK you gonna do about it
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torn between not being able to trust goyim to not be antisemitc anymore unless they really prove me otherwise and going "I guess we'll get along" when they find out I'm Israeli and still treat me like a human being
#like i don't really trust you but as long as we don't talk about politics and i don't follow you outside of discord we should be fine#that being said i don't really use discord as much or make new online friends anymore#because i'm too scared that they will bring up politics or won't treat me like a human being#i mostly use discord to vc with my irl friends now but there are still some online friends i'll talk to once in a while#i'm not very active in fandom spaces anymore because of the antisemitism so ig that's why i don't interact as much#needless to say i do not feel safe online anymore#i don't think being treated with basic human decency on the internet should be a privilege but here we are#it's fucked up but i'm israeli so i don't count and also deserve it#no it's not xenophobic at all what are you talking about. israelis are just all heartless monsters it's ok to bully them into paranoia.#maybe i'd post less about leftist antisemitism if i didn't constantly feel like i have to defend myself and drive leftist antisemites away#maybe i'd post more fandom stuff if i wasn't afraid of drawing attention#gee imagine that#leftist antisemitism#antisemitism#jumblr#israblr#hila has spoken
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i dont post kaishin a lot apart from the events/exchanges on tumblr, but I do doodle them a lot cause they mean a lot to me, here's an old doodle in these trying times <3 we will be fine guys
#my art#kaishin#dcmk#fun fact if you know me for longer than 3 days on discord or IRL you will eventually hear me talk about them for 3 hours#sometimes its within 1 hour of knowing me#they are my most important ship if im honest but that's exactly why I don't share anything with them#i spent a day ranting to friends and i decided to ignore the movie : )
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This isn’t the first time this isn’t the first time
My inability to initiate conversations even when I want to is like—I don’t even know anymore someone help
@signanothername oh hi there uhh
Ignore the ranting in tags :)
#when you really want to talk to someone#but won’t say anything#I don’t even know what to do with tumblr messages#it feels awkward to just like#idk words are hard#why I gotta be as shy as irl why can’t I get a different personality online >:(#tho I start ranting once I feel better aaa#wait I might be talking too much rn#uhhh#my artwork#digital art#ink sans#utmv#art#artwork#my art#undertale#wait I think it’s because I’d always start conversations#then I’d patiently wait like two months for a response#I had only one online friend and I didn’t feel like making anymore back then#also none of my irl friends liked Undertale enough to understand or follow along#so like I just repeated it all over#I remember ranting so much I filled out discord word count so much aaa#does this make sense??#digital illustration#artists on tumblr
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suffocating
I’m doing the dishes again
Staring into the water
At that boy
How can I call myself a girl when the face that stares back
Is just another random boy
You’d see playing on a subrban corner
My name isn’t my name
People don’t call me by my name
I’ve been cut off
From everyone
If I died tonight
Nobody would notice
Just another kid
Just another teen suicide
It’s better than the alternative
To suffocate in this form
Would be preferable
To living in a world where nobody sees me
It’s better than the alternative
#ok so a lot of context behind this one#first off: I AM NOT GOING TO KILL MYSELF#anyway now that that's out of the way#my parents have blocked my tumblr and discord so I can't talk to anyone except during the ten minutes they give me to post my poems#and they have taken away my phone#so I am utterly alone#and my dysphoria has been hitting so hard recently#and I can't talk to fellow trans people because all my shit is gone#and irl all my trans friends stopped talking to me and hate my fucking guts#and I'm going back to school soon where I have to deal with them and my ex (who I saw today which destroyed me emotionally)#and my sister keeps asking about all that and violating my privacy and she justifies it because I apparently have been a dick to her all my#life when I haven't and have been trying to just be a good person#and I had a panic attack while doing the dishes and I couldn't let anyone see my tears and that's what this poem is based off#so uhh#yeah...#lifes shit#my parents are going to be the death of me#/hj#poetry#poem#original poem#shitty poetry
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I want to watch a film that is good but if you look up "films that are good" you inevitably just get Films That Are New because they have more reviews on whatever site and that is not the same thing
#also when i ask people in discord servers i am in where i know people will not recommend things that are bad#they tell me things that I have already seen#and i have conflicting tastes with like my four surviving irl friends
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discovering everybody my age is having trouble making friends and keeping connections and it’s not just my strange autistic beauty scaring people away
#i need more irl and online friends#moots if u ever wanna talk u can always dm or ask for my discord <3#i love making new friends!!!!#💌
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i have officially returned. ask me anything.
#random thoughts#i'll probably answer it tomorrow because i'm tired. i don't know why.#ciel if you see this i've been nicer to myself these past few days following your birthday. taking care of myself in general aspects.#which i sort of hate myself for but it's okay because. uh. i won't be like this forever. i'll be better at what i'm trying to do i promise.#new year's resolution is not fucking with me.........#oh also!! i've been sort of feeling like a dead person at times. and also like a cockroach. i have had to repeatedly tell myself that#i'm not dead i'm not dead!!!!#because i'm not. obviously. and i know i'm not. my brain is just silly. it likes to tell me i am things i am not like book characters.#and recently my mother got me my own rosary and we've been practicing praying together with my brother.#can you imagine how bad it must be for me to turn to christianity as a coping mechanism? not even when i was terrorized with death thoughts#not even in august for fuck's sake.#but it's actually not that bad. though i think i like the idea of organized religion more than i like being a part of it.#also i feel like my being catholic (mostly non-practicing) is betraying the queer community somehow. like. queer people have suffered#so much because of the christian church in general. so it's like. being christian is weird when i'm also queer.#but also then i feel weird when i try to do things in relation to christianity. like. put saint in my artist name.#that feels blasphemous i don't know. is it?????? it's not that serious either way but. augh.#i am going to write a song about this. also fellow christians is it okay to use the lyric 'uselessly clutching her rosary' or is that bad?#because i mean. technically. the she i'm referring to sort of is. because god isn't solving any of our problems.#he's just fucking. watching. if he's even real.#(and no my disappearance isn't related to the catholicism thing it's something else. as in the one thing i haven't told anyone else but cie#and an irl friend. if you are ciel then i am completely open to talking about said thing.#otherwise i will continue to drop cryptic little notes on my blog because I AM SILLY. {: )#going to play roblox now and maybe say hello to you fuckers on discord for a bit of fun. goodbye.
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Alright, well. You won't see me active on here for a while from now on—at least for a week or two. I've been crying way too much lately.
If you wanna tell me something and don't have my discord—just go to @redcated . They're my sister. They'll pass it on to me.
#I'll still be active on discord#wanna be there for a few friends#not just from the bug army#but a few irl ones as well#a lot has happened#like a LOT#but as always#if you need to talk I'll always be free to do so!#—that usually applied to both discord and tumblr but now its just discord#my eyes are actually stained red#they've been like this for over a week now#im not going to do anything to myself dw#i have too many people waiting and depending on me for that#so I'll stay alive for them#I'll stay alive for you
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gaining a new interest/joining a new fandom is always kind of intimidating it feels like there’s so much you’ve missed out on by not enjoying this thing before so you’re like GRAHHHH got to catch up so I can have peak enjoyment like all the Enjoying This Thing experts around here! which is so silly bc if you enjoy a thing you’re already there but. yknow
#like when I got into hockey I was like studying all the rules and terms and players and team history and stuff#so I could be able to talk with other fans and understand everything#and like when I got into ml and owl house it was like ooh gotta binge watch all the eps#gotta see what the fandom vibes are and read the good kush fics and find a group of friends to brainrot with#and now w zelda it’s like#woof#there are so many games spanning decades!!! and I only have a switch so I can’t even play most of them lol#and the lore is fascinating but sometimes convoluted and confusing lol#bro the timeline. help#it’s just a lot of info and stuff to consume djdjdk#and im brainrotting so hard so part of me wants to find a loz discord server or soemthing l#but I feel like i would not be able to be on equal footing discussion wise bc I have only played a few of the games#it’s cool tho i have one irl friend who’s very excited abt me getting into her fav series haha#and I’m enjoying seeing people’s art and stuff#and making my little doodles#ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ <- me having a good little time being bad at gaming and obsessed with a tragic blond boy yet AGAIN#mine
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back on tumblr after a year or so of working on some health issues, and my grand re-entrance is miraak plushie sopped with milk. i dont know if anyone missed me but if they did i certainly doubt they do anymore LMFAOOO
in all seriousness, hi! i was previously maldov, but left to work on some personal health-related issues. things have been MUCH better! a lot has changed since i left, and i'm doing well enough to settle back in now. i'll never really get into it all here, but 2023 was one of the worst years ever. 2024 has been very giving, though. 💚
i have about a year's worth of elder scrolls art to put in my queue. i'm honestly only back to interact with mutual friends on a discord server, but im very active on toyhouse! so just expect me to post art sometimes.
Robin was almost discarded as a character when i left, but i put a lot of work in to loving him again after some personal events that made it almost impossible to reconnect. he now has plenty of art, and i have SO many new TES OCs and art i'm thrilled to share here :]
#✧ lobo yaps#maldov as a username has been changed bc i wanted to go for something more personal#and less tes-centric as a username#i dont plan on interacting with many people here. toyhouse is my preffered site#and discord too. but even then im not too open to talking outside of literally 1 server#since my healths gotten better i've been able to walk more and generally get back to being adventurous. i have amazing irl friends#and my husband and i are always occupied with irl shenanigans#ive gotten a cat since i was last here too
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